#kind speaks

[kindnessinmonsters]

what does having faith mean in a decentralized religion?

i was raised in a very high demand form of christianity. i had to relearn what 'having faith' even means.

i was raised to believe that having faith meant having blind obedience. kneeling, bowing, scraping, bending my head to a god who, at the end of the day, didn't know me. I was miserable. i obeyed my elders, i believed in their morality, i absorbed their stories and did my best to apply them to my life, and i was an anxious terrified mess of a child with a stick so far up my ass i could taste it in the back of my tongue. i was so scared of screwing up and ending up outcasted into outer darkness that i would have given the christian god everything i had in me.

never mind that my very skin was literally a curse, according to my church. never mind that my heart was capable of love they could never understand. never mind that i couldn't be daughter and wife and mother.

...until i couldn't ignore it any more. i looked the god of my youth and told him to his face that i deserved better than him. i could be more than what he planned for me.

when i left my church, i had to rebuild the ruins of myself from scratch. i had to dig down deep and ask myself what i wanted out of life. who was i without the church?

turns out, i'm a guy that talks to the moon when he can't sleep. turns out, i dream of devils and gods and lightning in the dark. turns out, i can search deep in my history and find gods lurking there.

i invited the gods to sit at the table of my life. i share my stories with them and they share theirs with me. my offerings are given like meals between friends. they proved themselves to me a long time ago, in dreams and in the world, but i think even without that i am a better person for being a pagan. understanding loki especially has made me braver, kinder, and so much more determined to chase what i want in life. i am so much more willing to embrace change (it's still not easy for me, but i put in the work)! would it be the same for you?

there's such a huge emphasis on having the gods prove themselves in pagan circles, and i get it! i did the work to do that too! but maybe the more important question is who are you with them in your life?

who do you want them to be to you?

for me, doubt was never a question of 'is god real' or 'is there a higher power?' i would pose a more relevant question: what would it mean for you if the gods weren't real? or wasn't there?

would you still feel like including them in your life was worth the time and effort and faith? who are you with them? who are you without them?

even if it turned out that none of it was real, even if there's nothing in death but darkness, i would still think it was worth it. i am better for having faith in my life. i can stand in the middle of a storm and call it by its name. i sit in the middle of a crowd of my friends and swap stories with the people i love and gods, those moments are holy.

Religion, spirituality, having faith, it's all living poetry and you are the subject. what themes are you going to explore?

#myth loki #loki #lokean #norse #pagan #heathen #heathenry #norse polytheism #the diaries of an ex mormon #kind speaks #i originally wrote this as the answer to someone else's post #about battling doubt #and as much as i was inspired to write this #i realized i wasn't answering the original question #and probably derailing the conversation #so! new post! #fuck...i almost never shout into the void #but i guess i needed to get this off my chest #... i didn't realize i had so much to say #hmm #it's 2am on a friday night and i'm waxing poetic about gods and men #that's pretty on brand for me tbh

[elliesbelle]

emily gwen, the creator of the sunset lesbian flag that we’ve come to commonly use, still continues to live in poverty.

multi-billion dollar companies have used their design and made profit from it, and yet they have not seen a cent for their creation.

i’ve been friends with emily for years, and i have not once seen them be financially stable the entire time. i’ve seen them homeless, unemployed, starving. right now, they need our help more than ever.

please consider donating to emily’s ko-fi, especially if you’ve used their design to create something and profited from it.

#emily’s finally found housing after couch surfing at friends’ places for months #they’ve got a lot of debt rn on top of bills and rent #rn they don’t have food in the house and they’re starving #they don’t deserve this at all they are so kind and i literally hate to see them suffering #please please pleaaase donate and reblog #they don’t ask for much but they deserve the world #mutual aid #crowdfunding #donation post #belle speaks

[apollos-boyfriend]

kind of a milf. reblog

#icarus speaks #kind of a milf. reblog #containment breach

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME #there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing #and the writing is what i need to be doing #writeblr #this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to #edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol #i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!! #my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means #i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her) #hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong #i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet. #i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse #i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!! #i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO #i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness #and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it #im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us #i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer #and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art. #i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work #even if it means being miserable #but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.

[mike-wachowski]

reblog and tag ur answer so I can see please :)

#hello first ever poll how did I do #I know this is kind of a wild spread I wanted to pick things that are maybe less accessible today/have more historic precedence I guess ?? #I also only picked foods I was already familiar with / was able to find firsthand historical accounts of #cause I didn’t want to fuck anything up lol #for the record I’m between Roman and tang dynasty #anyways #mike makes polls #mike speaks #I also wanted them to be like a normal/ popular meal that would be eaten by most folk regularly #other than the Abraham Lincoln one lmao

[stuckinapril]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !! #& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

[oceanamethyst]

"Kill them with kindness" WRONG. KNIFE ATTACK!!! 🔪🗡🔪🗡🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪🗡🔪🔪🔪🔪🗡🔪🔪🔪🗡🔪🔪🔪

#ocean speaks #ides of march #march 15th #happy ides #julius ceaser #julius caesar #tumblr holidays #STABSTABSTAB #STAB STAB STAB #STABBY STAB #STABBBBYYYY #STASB STASBATSBTASTASTTTA #BWAHHAHAHAHHAHA #BWAHBBHBHAHBBHABHAHA. #aSDASWAABHBWAHBWAHA #STA.<Ab #ST.A.B #SATSB. #yes i can post this now it's march 15th in some places #kill them with kindness

[emberglowfox]

fuck all cis people except for the guy who dmed me on instagram to ask about my new name and, upon me explaining the concept of transgenderism, said, “interesting strat. i like it.”

#fucking LOVING the idea of transgenderism as some kind of strategy to win at life. he’s right #this guy gets gender more than any cis person #sparks speaks #obligatory “fuck all cis people” is slash jay i have a few cis “people” i keep close to my heart <3 #containment breach #<- deeply unfortunately

[ofdreamsanddoodles]

girl who believes in monsters but doesn't tell anyone because she signed an NDA

#aster speaks #alice dyer #literally one of a kind #the magnus protocol #tmagp

[fandomsandfeminism]

On Saturday, in New York, a group of friends pulled into a strangers driveway to turn their car around. The homeowner came outside, shot at them, and killed one of the 20 year old women in the car.

Last Thursday, in Kansas City, a 16 year old boy ended up at the wrong address by mistake trying to pick up his younger siblings. He rang the doorbell. The homeowner shot him in the head. He is, miraculously, alive and recovering.

Yesterday, in Texas, a group of high school cheerleaders stopped at a grocery store on their way home. One of them opened the door to the wrong car by mistake, realized her mistake, and quickly retreated and found her friends car nearby. The man in the car followed her and shot at the group. 2 were shot. One remains hospitalized.

In less than a week- 3 people, doing normal, nonmalicious, nonthreatening, everyday things. Turning around in a driveway, ringing the wrong doorbell, going up to the wrong car by mistake. And with no escalation, no warning, it turns to gun fire.

It's a terrible intersection of easy access to firearms and an entitlement to use violence against others. All 3 of these recent incidents were so unprovoked and unjustifiable, and the core thread remains the same.

A man who felt entitled to use violence and had the means to do so with a firearm.

I don't even know what to say.

#gun control obviously #but even that feels like too little #we need gun control #but we also need I dunno some...something more #because what kind of society creates this #what kind of culture allows it #the entitlement to leap straight to deadly force before you even speak to a person #to shoot at a stranger through your front door or car window without warning #just what in fucking hell

[kindnessinmonsters]

I watched Under the Banner of Heaven. then I watched it again. and now I’m watching it for a third time. I’m probably going to keep watching it a few more times, because... holy fuck. holy fuck. holy fuck.

I felt this show scrape off old wounds and patch them back again in one smooth motion

I have never seen a show with Mormons depicting the such a similar spiral of doubt I fell into as a teenager. I have never seen a character on screen that struggled to consolidate the violence of early Mormon history with the life of purity they demanded of us. I have never before seen such an honest conversation between doubt and faith so similar to one I once had with myself

the only thing that was missing was a deeper dive into the rampant anti-black racism and race-mixing bullshit that I had to explore for myself. but thanks to the character Bill Taba they for sure don’t ignore it. 

and more importantly, I’ve never seen a show written by an ex Mormon who tries to make peace with the turmoil left behind

Dustin Lance Black wasn’t on my radar before, but he sure as shit is now. 

I don’t usually talk meta myself, but when I untangle the mess of feelings this show left me with I might have to

#under the banner of heaven #utboh #kind speaks #exmormon #ex mormon #the diaries of an ex mormon

[amygdalae]

its interesting to me how self-deprecation neatly ties into making others feel bad. like. if you constantly assume that you’re stupid no matter how informed or skilled in a topic you might be, people who are a bit less learned or skilled than you might see how you, someone who is obviously skilled, talk down about yourself, and assume that if you think YOURE an idiot you must think theyre an even bigger idiot and lose confidence or find you intimidating as a result. its fucked up. and its part of why it can be so important to break out of cycles of self-hatred--not just for yourself, but for people around you

#speaking as someone who deals w imposter syndrome and self-hatred constantly. its just an important perspective to have #especially cuz when you deal with self hatred sometimes self improvement sounds less appealing if you only think it helps you #but understanding true self-confidence as something that can also be good for those around you kind of helps motivate me. idk #sorry i need to eat dinner im feeling a lil loopy

[ruporas]

being a little petty (ID in alt)

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #petty vash moment - i think he deserves the chance to be petty... and he's kind of a petty person to me in some circumstances mfgksmgk #DEFINITELY to wolfwood i'd imagine... because they're petty to each other in exchange for not speaking about their Feelings or sorting #things out verbally. it's just how they communicate. not outlandish fights - or ignoring each other completely - but just little petty ways #that ends up getting solved anyway. i imagine it always tends to be wolfwood who “solves” it while vash doesn't necessarily “solve” it #he just ignores it? or accepts it as is? like broods for a day maybe in unnoticeable to anyone but ww kind of way but #returns to a normal attitude the next day while ww is like ??? fuck this guy - before ultimately just accepting it as is because he doesn't #/want/ to be mad at vash. i also dont think ww is someone who can be mad for super long... unlike vash who's had anger for like 150 years #ruporas art

[hawnks]

Gojo is lonely. Not just in the big, existential sense.

He doesn’t have anyone to tell about his day. He doesn’t have anyone to go try out that new restaurant with. He has so many movies because he has no one to talk to.

#based on my recent observations #I think he would LOVE to just go out for coffee and gossip #who does he have to speak to on a regular basis? shoko? shoko who is so so so busy? #nanami? who kind of hates him #yuuta was right gojo doesn’t have any friends :( #he should be at the club…….

[shadowthehedgehog]

ok this was super cute

#sonic prime #sonic prime spoilers #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #carto speaks #this was so annoying to clip because netflix just automatically stopped any kind of screen recorder i used #also if u seen me upload this like 3 times no u didnt <3 #hall of fame

[konigsblog]

image credit: glutt_r on x

if you think you'll be able to overstimulate könig, make him cry, you're dead wrong. he'd break free from his ropes after you've been teasing his sensitive tip for a little too long, breaking the restraints and manhandling you to his liking. your legs against your chest as he ploughs into your slick pussy for hours, slapping you harshly across the cheek for even thinking about being so cruel to your boyfriend.

he'd made you sob and shake. apologising through shame as he chuckles hoarsely and bullies his fat, throbbing, sore cock into your swollen, puffy folds. you're a sticky mess; tears rolling down your cheeks and pearly, slick droplets running down your thighs. painful and sore as he continues with his brutal assault to your drooling, sopping wet cunt!

“you dirty thing... thinking you can get away with teasing me? is that right, my dear? --mhmm, ja-ja.. i know, you're sorry, yes? can't take anymore of this? .. it's just a taste of your own medicine, prinzessin. now, hush and take it well, schatz...”

#my favourite kind of könig (rough and MEAN könig 🤭💯) #könig fanfiction #könig call of duty #könig #konig x reader #konig #konig mw2 #konig cod #konig call of duty #orla speaks