#hoatm rants

[autistic-shaiapouf]

I loved the part in goncharov when he said "stand back, I am beginning to gonch" and then he gonched all over the place

#is this something?? is this anything???? i am giving this to yall #goncharov #goncherov #gonchorov #i see there is absolutely no agreement on how yall are spelling this huh #hoatm rants

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Hey folks! I'm in the very fortunate position of being able to see some doctors for some longstanding issues and would love to be able to have a little extra income while I'm being absolutely decimated financially 🥲

I'm pretty flexible with what I'll do art-wise and am most responsive to specific dictation so I can provide exactly what you want! I'm also willing to be a little flexible on prices for backgrounds, just discuss what you'd like and let you know where you stand 👍

DMs are always open for questions and inquiries!

#commissions #art commissions open #oh boy it's definitely been a while since ive done this and I'm not entirely proud of how it went last time #so i wanna try again and really put in the effort this time bc ive been really proud of my art lately #let's see where this goes 👀 #hoatm rants #hoatm draws

[autistic-shaiapouf]

#best or favorite; i can already see the results in my mind's eye but let's see how this plays out 👀 #hxh #hunter x hunter #neferpitou #shaiapouf #menthuthuyoupi #anyways. hashtag poufsweep we can do this 😤😤😤 #hoatm rants

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Got a comm from @astraldemise that I loved so much I got it formally printed 💕

#took this pic while it was still light outside and then got busy lmao; thanks again for signing it!! #hahaha YES i am so glad i have this 💕 fun fact i processed this print in the drug store i work at and it printed twice by mistake #so now i have two lmao #hoatm rants

[autistic-shaiapouf]

#anyways #hxh #shaiapouf #hoatm rants #how many joints did this man pop to turn and stand like that..

[autistic-shaiapouf]

All I'm saying. All I'm saying. We know the day of pouf's debut, roughly the date of his birth, and we know we first see him at night, if I can find the time then it's possible to construct his astrological natal chart

#UGH if i could find that post that says what year hxh takes place. bc the caa is either 2001 or 2002... #i am very normal about this character #hoatm rants

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Realizing this is exactly what I'm starting to look like in public now that I'm not fully masking my autism anymore

AH SHIT HERE WE GO

Why is he standing like this. Gayboy

#rewatch is fun. this bug man is going to put me through something absolutely unspeakable skjdfkf #hoatm rants

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Local man becomes 10x more obnoxious overnight, justifying his decisions with "it's my birthday", more at 11

#i put all my energy into that meruem piece and this was all i managed to have for today but!! it's something at least 💖 #hxh #shaiapouf #hoatm rants #he is. so funny. i say it every time and i mean it every time

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Realizing I also inadvertently gave pouf my hEDS via headcanon bc:

- I think he's cold-blooded and can't regulate body temperature as a result -> I can't do that myself bc of my POTS (which I have due to my hEDS)

- I think he also supplements salt into his diet bc butterflies, especially swallowtails like himself, exhibit a behavior called "puddling" where they collect and sip up salt, typically from puddles of mud -> salt supplements are one of the most common treatments for POTS

- I think he also struggles with solid food bc butterflies and adult ants actually subsist entirely on liquids -> digestive issues are common with EDS and a liquid diet can help offset some symptoms

- I'm not even headcanoning his hypermobility, his body just looks like that:

#tbh.......... his body type is lowkey a little evocative of marfan's; tall and thin and the man's a violinist so probably long fingers too #but I'm clocking hEDS bc that's my health condition and ive accidentally perfectly aligned him to it #anyways. maybe I'm just a bug and that why I'm like this 😤 #hxh #no this is funny enough to go into the main tag actually #hoatm rants #that thing he's doing with his finger in the manga panel.. i can replicate that motion 1:1; kinda grotesque and i should #probably stop doing it so often but it's so funny to do it and watch people go 👁👁 #(the early onset arthritis it will give me will not be worth it + i am looking into getting braces for my fingers lmao) #shaiapouf

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Driving test tomorrow!!

#gonna practice a little parking beforehand and then head out!! #one of my personal goals was to get my license before my birthday and i can't believe I'm gonna actually do it #i actually set an achievable goal :) #and I'm gonna achieve it!! #hoatm rants

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Wow so I'm actually in my mid-20s now huh

#birthday 👀 I'm 24 today 😳 #hoatm rants

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Beginning to wonder if my hip may be subluxing??

#and of course i cant really look it up bc all the pages are like ouch!!! so painful!!! when ive had my shoulders do it unnoticed for years #tonight is a heating pad (brand new just bought 5 minutes ago 👀) and epsom salts kind of night #it's like. pain in my hip and knee and entire lower back which reminds me of what i felt when my shoulder was fully subluxing #i cant tell whats going on and all i know is i intended to sleep it off and that did NOT happen #ive slept off migraines but this isn't stopping :/ #hoatm rants #🖤chronic illness tag🤍 #ehlers danlos syndrome #hypermobile ehlers danlos #yeah I'll put this here too in case it ends up finding someone who might have more experience with this U_U

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Am also sitting here staring at the floor, the phrase driving me forward being the gender neutral "hot girl summer"

#indeed hot the humidity is through the roof i feel like I'm standing in my laundry room #hot girl summer... a move and some debt paid off and. idk. I'll hang out i guess #i need to see what this summer is gonna do to me emotionally bc summer vacation as a kid in a bad home. hm. #i have a therapist for that but augh. hot girl summer.... #oh shit speaking of money i should pay my rent #hoatm rants

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Thinking about the royal guards first discovering their nen abilities in a massive show of "oh YEAH? well look what I can do!" sibling one-upmanship

#i just think they're neat #hxh #neferpitou #shaiapouf #menthuthuyoupi #into the individual tags as well actually lmao #hoatm rants

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Love that my shaiapouf blog is starting to draw in meruem icons ✨️

#right up there with the time i got followed by a blog called ''yourmajesty-theking'' and i had to double take djhfkf #hoatm rants

[autistic-shaiapouf]

I made a short post on this a while back but I wanna actually expand on my thoughts

I'm thinking of both komugi and pouf in regards to how each of them handles negative self talk. Komugi is an interesting case in how she repeatedly talks down about herself, calls herself stupid, insisting that she's practically worthless when her ability with gungi is discounted, hence why she bets her life on her games. What feels striking is that she says all of this while smiling and laughing softly. She was likely told these things throughout her entire life and internalized them as who she truly was, but doesn't necessarily appear to take them in a negative way. She never spirals emotionally, in spite of her occasionally playing up these negative personal attributes when she makes a mistake like an apparent social blunder (a social blunder before meruem, anyways).

Pouf takes the exact same thing, and plays it in the complete opposite direction. He had no upbringing, so there was no one to hand him any definition of self that included harshly negative traits - he did it to himself. His perception is deeply ingrained and foundational to himself - much like komugi's is. His handling of these stresses also moves in the opposite direction of komugi, with pouf entering a downward spiral and berating himself each time he makes (even a perceived) mistake.

It could be said that the context of these emotions makes the difference - komugi is clearly playing to her strengths, with her primary responses to these thoughts occurring during the gungi matches, the one thing she knows she is good at and can have confidence in.

The thing is, pouf isn't exactly in a different position here. He is performing the one and only job he was born for, biologically predestined for. Both him and komugi operate under the weight of their lives: both swear to end their respective lives if they were to fail at their tasks.

The differences may come down to personality, but it's interesting to see that there are indeed some similarities between them

#hxh #shaiapouf #komugi #i wrote a small thinkpiece of sorts on this but i think this is as much detail as I'm gonna achieve with this idea #both of them are like ''aaaah!! I'm so terrible!!'' and komugi says it like ☺️ while pouf is like 😭 and it makes me think a bit #also hello pouf tag this is like my third post here in a week 👋 #hoatm rants