#that’s a completely different thing that’s a learned behavior towards abuse

[vashti-lives]

I sometimes see pranks that are really counting on people’s instinct when startled being flight, or at least freeze, and like you motherfuckers are gonna get punched in the face eventually.

#pretty sure the video I saw today is completely staged #but if some enterprising kid wanted to recreate it I think they’d be in trouble #people on tumblr will add fawn to the fight/flight/freeze behavior list #that’s a completely different thing that’s a learned behavior towards abuse #not shit you do when a bear shows up or whatever

[astrow1zar6]

Synastry observations 🫀

Someone’s Venus in your 7th house means you view the Venus person as your ideal partner. You may have not known what you wanted in a partner until you met this person. 7th house person catches feelings fast.

When someone’s Mars lands in your 1st house you can view the Mars person as being annoying.

Having your moon in someone’s 8th house can be very one sided especially on the moons part. I’ve been both the moon & the 8th house person. Being the moon person can make you scary obsessed with the 8th house person & make you very controlling over house they express themselves. As the 8th house person I only felt a mild attraction to the moon.

Mars conjunct Venus synastry is the best aspect for sexual attraction hands down (especially if man had mars and woman had Venus)

Sun square moon synastry can become drawn to each-other like magnets & can be attracted to each-other due to opposite qualities. This can become a big problem in the long term because those differences that once made you attracted to them can make u repulsed once the honey moon stage is done. Have to learn a lot of compromising to make this work.

Lilith square Venus shows that the Lilith person can use the Venus person for sex ☹️ even tho the Venus person wants something deeper eventually. Very toxic relationship.

Lilith conjunct ascendant in synastry will have the Lilith person acting out of character. Usually theirs always something taboo or forbidden about this relationship (ex; big age gap, one is married, lesbian/gay relationship etc) whatever it is it’s not seen as “acceptable” so this can lead to a secret relationship. Lilith person if married will ruin the marriage just to be with the ascendant. Will want to touch and stare at the ascendant person A LOT. It’s almost like it’s painful for the Lilith person to be apart from the ascendant person physically. This can either scare the ascendant person or attract them. Be careful as the Lilith person you becomes really obsessed.

I notice with Venus opposite someone’s Ascendant the Venus person views the ascendant as extremely physically attractive while the ascendant person usually only has a mild attraction to Venus. But once they get to know each other the ascendant person will start to feel deeply attracted to the Venus . Relationship that gets better with time 👌🏽

Moon square moon in synastry never really work out. This synastry is what you think of when you think Sam and Ron from Jerseys shore lol. Very attracted to each-other but cannot understand each-other emotions which causes constant bickering. Takes a lot of acceptance and communication to work. One or both may never feel deeply understood or feel judged.

When you see Pluto square ascendant in synastry. RUN. This can be a very dangerous placement if the partners aren’t mature especially Pluto. The Pluto person can be scary obsessed and controlling with the ascendant. The Pluto person usually isn’t aware of their own behavior but if not put in check can become very abusive and manipulative towards the ascendant. The Pluto person can become extremely jealous and vindictive if they see the ascendant bonding too closely to someone else. Pluto wants to completely possess the ascendant. In some cases it’s left the ascendant with terrible trauma.

Saturn in 8th house synastry shows a lot of sexual tension that can’t be expressed right away for some reason. Leads to repressed intimacy because of certain circumstances or fears of rejection.

It’s very difficult to be mean to someone you have a sun/Venus synastry with. (Especially trine & conjunction) with this synastry aspect you truly love each others whole being, known as a “true love” aspect. You can let your partner get away with things you normally wouldn’t let anyone else get away with 😏

When you have Venus in someone’s 1st house you’ve probably been told you look aesthetically good together. Your physical appearance just fit perfectly (eg: Barbie & Ken)

You haven’t experienced a soul mate connection until you had a sun conjunct moon synastry. I know this placement is talked about everywhere but it’s so true!! Finding this person feels like coming home finally🥺 if it’s in a double whammy either (another conjunction or opposition) it can be hard for others to split you guys up because of how close you get! Be careful for clinginess especially on the moon persons part.

If you have Saturn square mercury with someone you can find their humor to be very dry & boring.

Venus in Scorpios are very attracted to Pisces suns.

[mr-bas00nist]

Hope you are having a good day/night

I was wondering if I could request TF 141 x male reader, reader is supposed to be nobody, there was nothing on his file (in less his file is fake?) Reader was given a choice death row or military it's not like reader had anything to lose so he joined. For a newbie reader's skills are above average as if by design, even his file says he has never killed but he's to cold and ruthless to not have.

Reader never used to be like this but he just learned earlier life can be cruel and if you want live you have to fight (if it's okay can reader have PTSD & depression from things like abuse/SA??)

Maybe reader is asked to do secret solo missions as favors holding the I gave you your freedom back card over his head?

How would the team react to reader and the lack of information? Would they confront him? How would the react to reader not knowing what true kindness is growing up in the a world where he was taught kindness doesn't come free?

Sorry this took so long btw! I chose headcannons though and what the boys are like to you.

Price, Gaz, Ghost, Soap and Alejandro

141 and male! Reader

Simon

•When you first came to the task force Simon was threatened by you in a different way

•You we’re scary

•You had nothing on your files and you looked like you had just come out to the deepest pits of hell

•He thinks you’ve probably massacred millions

•He does not trust you

•Something about your vibes and vagueness of everything about you

•Ghost is honestly an asshole just not outright

•He definitely keeps his distance and ignores you

•Until Price recognized his cold behavior towards you

•In a team everyone needs to trust each other

•Price knew that Simon had to get over his bullshit and at least talk to you

•One day in the barracks you were sitting on your bed reading

•Simon looked at your form

•You always looked tense and angry

•He sighed as he finally walked over to you

•You stared at him confused

•This was the first time he even acknowledged your existence

•He began to talk to you, about random stuff

•Than the conversation began to get deeper and deeper

•He talked about his rough childhood as you talked about yours

•As you two began to talk he realized how similar you both were

•By the time he was done talking with you he understood completely

•After that day you guys became friends

Gaz:

•Gaz found you scary when you first came in

•When he heard rumors that you had no files that terrified him even more

•But he never judged you for it

•He began to talk to you

•he was curious about your background

•When you finally told him he was very understanding

•He doesn’t treat you any differently

•He’s that one friend you can always lean on

•And laugh too

•Ver nice boy 💪

Soap:

•He honestly does not care

•It interests him for a little bit but he doesn’t press you about it

•He just talks to you

•He likes to see people’s personalities in person not on paper

•So when he begins to talk you he immediately likes you

•Your very serious and mature but your also very nice

•He’s used to Simon’s shit so he’s used to you

•When you finally tell him your story he doesn’t really say anything

•He just listens to you

•He wants to make sure you know he cares

•Well he kind of has to confront you

•Your being assigned to his team and your a blank fucking slate

•He’ll be respectful but he has to question you

•Where you came from, your values, personality, troubles and all

•When he finally did some deep diving on you he honestly wanted you out

•You we’re practically a lunatic

•Price decided to ask you personally though

•He wanted to know where you came from and how your early life was

•You can’t see it that well but his demeanor softens a lot

•His eyes aren’t as hard and his muscles aren’t tightened

•He sighed after you told him

•He sent you on all the stealthy mission due to your skill for a newbie and everything

•He does his best to make sure the boys are being nice to you too

•Don’t expect him to pamper you though

•Alejandro’s a weird case to be fair

•He won’t engage that much with you

•He heard about your documents and files and he didn’t really trust you

•He just keeps his distance but if you talk to him he won’t ignore you like Ghost

•He saw your skills before and was incredibly impressed and understood finally

•You 100% have definitely been through something

•So one day he confronted you

•You two hit it off and you began talking

•You two talked for hours

•He felt a little bit bad for judging you but you didn’t take offense

•It’s the military, not a playground

•But don’t worry, Alejandro’s got your back

•He’s got everyone back no matter where they came from

#cod mw22 #cod x reader #cod x male reader #alejandro vargas #simon ghost riley #soap cod #price cod #gaz cod #male reader

[sirgogington]

My Word Vomit Response on the Shelby Situation

Main Situation: Last week Wilbur Soot from Lovejoy was accused of having been abusive towards his ex girlfriend Shelby. Shelby is a live streamer and last week she did a livestream about the signs of knowing if you are in an abusive relationship. She never stated his name, but from details given people started assuming it was about Wilbur Soot. A few days later Wilbur confirmed that it was him in an apology tweet on his Twitter account. The abuse had to do with painful biting, and manipulation. 

    I want to start off by saying I do believe Shelby's story. I don't think Wilbur is innocent, but I do believe this situation isn't as black and white as people are claiming it to be. 

    Former fans after hearing the story started unfollowing Wilbur and Lovejoy and saying what a terrible man that Wilbur is, and vowing to never listen to or view any of his content ever again. He's not just a terrible man, he has to be evil too. I may be optimistic but I do think most people can change for the better if they truly want to. There are exceptions, but I truly believe that Wilbur can. The internet wants to just label him as evil and not give him any room to do that. The new thing is "guilty until proven innocent" and that's super harmful as I will go into in a different post. The way people are spreading hate in a us/them mentality is not a mature way of viewing/handling this situation and does more harm than good. Especially when it comes to death threats and doxing which have been received by both sides.

   Wilbur is someone who had a hard upbringing, and has brought up at different times his struggles with mental health. On screen or on stage you would never know this about him, because he has this mask of being confident, well spoken, and joyful. Through these details Wilbur has shared we know that touring took a lot out of him mentally and put him in a bad place, but that he was seeking therapy and is probably currently still seeing a therapist to try and get better. He's shared in the past that when he first blew up on the internet he used alcohol to cope because of how overwhelming it was that so many people were consuming his content. From Shelby's stream we also learned that his living space was dirty and unhygienic and that he would make excuses for it. The details for me paint the picture of a guy struggling badly with mental illness and having a hard time caring for himself and his home. Someone who can hardly take care of themselves should not have been in a relationship. This puts a lot on the other person.  It's different if he were stable and then then his mental health crashed in the middle of a longer relationship, but not if your too mentally ill to begin with. I do deeply feel sorry that Shelby had to experience that, as it truly shouldn't have happened. 

   I went to school for psychology and know quite a bit about different types of mental illnesses. I am by no means diagnosing Wilbur, but I do think he shows signs of someone with Boderline Personality Disorder. Borderline Personality Disorder is an emotional disregulation disorder characterized by unstable mood, behavior, and relationships. People with BPD self sabotage and will frequently end up pushing people away because they don't think they're good enough for them. (In this case maybe he wanted to act so bad so she would leave him, which is very unhealthy). People with BPD also go through depressive episodes and can act impulsively. Without therapy it is extremely hard to cope with this condition but with therapy you can make great strides in changing. I think like most mental illnesses you are aware of the fact you don't like the way you're acting you just have a hard time controlling it. For instance for me growing up with anxiety I knew most of my fears were completely irrational but that didn't stop them from overtaking my life and still feeling anxious. Wilbur has written some really deep lyrics on his new solo album Mammalian Sighing Reflex and I feel like it reflects that he doesn't like the way he is and feels guilty about those he's harmed through it. Maybe I'm giving this man too much credit, but like I said I do believe most people are capable of changing for the better. 

   Shelby stated she did the livestream as a way to help protect other victims of domestic violence and Wilbur Soot himself. He might still be dangerous to the public, it's really hard to know. I know after my own situation with being manipulated I was worried about the guy going after other younger women like he had with me. I didn't want anyone else have to be in that situation so I understand where Shelby is coming from. I also know that if the guy in my life had ever posted an apology, no matter how good it was, that I still wouldn't believe him and have a hard time forgiving him. Bold take but I think his apology was at least decent. Could it have been better, yeah, but could it have been a lot worse, also yes. In his apology he admits to being the person Shelby was talking about. He states that her feelings are valid, and that he wants people to hold him to higher accountability, and that he was sorry for any hurt he caused. Maybe he isnt, but it's hard to know. Wilbur stated in a livestream from last October 2023 that he was going to therapy the next day, because of this we can assume that Wilbur has been going to therapy at minimum since October. In that same livestream he states that he showers once a day when he's in his "big sad", and that he has rented places all over Brighton. He is at least hygienic in this regard, maybe moreso than he was before. It could be a red flag that Wilbur has lived all over Brighton due to possible evictions whether that be negligence or noise complaints from doing livestreams.

   We'll never know how other content creators truly feel about him except for the ones that made it obvious. Of course most content creators are going to jump on the bandwagon and agree that he's an evil man. If they don't then they'll lose their platform because of all the hate they'd get. I do believe some content creators will still hang out with Wilbur secretly or still even remain his friend. But we'll never know. 

   For the people who are posting different video evidences of Wilbur supposedly showing signs of being abusive in the past this is what is called confirmation bias. If you believe someone is abusive suddenly you can find details in the littlest things to confirm your thought process. A lot of the clips I've been seeing have been of normal everyday behavior or confirmed bits. I've seen people say that Wilbur must have bit down really hard to leave bruises. In some cases people bruise more easily than others. I know I have random bruises on my body from nothing. We can tell that what Wilbur did however was pretty painful due to have to use a safe word. Getting bitten usually hurts. I've been bitten by a 5 year old at work and can't imagine how it would feel to be bitten by a grown man who intentionally bit down hard.

This could be confirmation bias as well, but when looking at the lyrics in Mammalian Sighing Reflex and at the album art it seems to tell the story of a man (Wilbur) who really messed up in a relationship and is feeling the pain from that, and has a lot of regret due to knowing he was the cause of her pain. He poured so much of himself into the album it's like he's bleeding out in front of the audience with the amount of vulnerability.

Analyzing lyrics because why not, using lyrics from "Mammalian Sighing Reflex"

"I get so drunk I can barely see." If this album is related to his relationship with Shelby, which I think it probably is, then maybe he tried to cope with the relationship failing by using alcohol, or sabotaged the relationship through drinking.

"A lot of friends have left my life, escaping my tractor beam of woe" Having a mental illness can make it hard to maintain friendships. This could be because it makes you so self-focused on your problems, or that people get tired of hearing about your problems. If you constantly talk about how sad you are, some people are going to have a hard time dealing with that, or get burnt out from having to keep on cheering you up.

"Fuck my life, you cared when I was sick, no one ever gave a shit.....you fought this war one-sided and asked me what am I doing this for." These lyrics seem to speak about how in a past relationship (probably meaning with Shelby), that she cared that he was mentally ill/in a low point and wanted to help him get better. The fight to help him get better was one-sided due to Wilbur not helping to get himself better. If he would have helped her then they "could of stitched my mind together."

"Never been the one for romance, never thought that I'd get married. Never been the kind to give a shared life a second glance, selfish prose." In Shelby's livestream she talked about how her and Wilbur talked about the possibility of getting married and having kids until he backtracked and said that he wasn't that way and changed his mind.

The song "I Don't Think It Will Ever End" is how his mind seems to work in cycles. He'll be sad, because he feels sad he hides away for a bit, but then he feels silly for hiding himself so he forces himself to interact with people. But then when forcing himself to interact again he feels sad, which he says is not a good feeling when you're supposedly in a good phase. He says as self-sabotage he gets silly. Wilbur is known for telling a lot of jokes, and maybe this is a way he masks his true feelings. Also for Mammalian Sighing Reflex it says the songs were written by William Gold (his legal name) and performed by Wilbur Soot (his stage name). Wilbur is who the internet/fans see him as and William Gold is who he really is. Meaning the way we see him online is the extroverted, charismatic, likeable guy we know him as whereas William Gold is introverted, self-sabotaging, nerdy, and a deep thinker.

     The internet gives us way too much information. We're constantly bombarded with more and more information. Before the internet and even in the earlier internet days you did not have this. People were not being as closely viewed and known as they are now. You have to be careful about every little thing you say, because God forbid you say the wrong thing and get canceled. It didn't used to be this way. The only reason you'd ever know anything bad about a celebrity is if they were in the news. I think most of the media we consume whether TV shows, movies, etc. have the potential to have us supporting "bad people". It would be overwhelming to look up every single person we had ever consumed media from and sift through what are lies and what are not about each actor, singer, etc. I get that people don't want to give a platform to people doing bad things, but it's almost impossible to know and to remove every single bad person from the content you consume.  Being a celebrity in general is hard. It's easy to become addicted to drugs, and experience toxicity especially celebrities that live in Los Angeles. Most become people they regret, but some change for the better too. I'm not saying people who do serious crimes should get out of jail because they can become better people. People in jail should remain in jail for serious crimes. Time will tell what becomes of him. If more about him is released or if he's able to actually make strides in his health like he said he would. We will wait and see. I really hope he can heal and get better. Even the most unlikely ones can change their lives. You can both support Shubble and hope that Wilbur gets better.

#wilbur soot #lovejoy

[genericpuff]

Do you know "Eggnoid"? It's a rather old webtoon about a girl being put into circumstances on taking care of a robot guy who hatched from an egg (hence the title) the robot guy appears to be a grown man, but he has mental capabilities of a toddler and even acts like one. So, it's like those types of "born sexy yesterday" tropes but the gender reversed. The girl also repeatedly shown crushing over the robot guy and at some point, she called him her boyfriend despite she's supposed to be his caretaker.

I haven't read it, but I can definitely attest that there's a double standard when it comes to gender roles and age gaps / situations of grooming / etc. in literature but especially in webtoons. And by that I mean I've legit seen people hold comics like Lore Olympus accountable for their gross dynamics between a young teenage girl and the much older and richer love interest, but then turn around and say it's "couple goals" for a teenage boy to hook up with a much older woman. At the end of the day there's still a power imbalance due to the age gap and the massive differences in life experiences between the two, gender doesn't really change that.

Big ole' sip of hot tea as a take, but speaking as an AFAB, a lot of women are just as capable of grooming and taking advantage of younger men in the same way as men towards young women, it's just that on the surface people tend to get skittish about addressing that because they don't want to sound like they're going "yeah well actually women though-" and dismissing the notion of toxic masculinity. Which yes, that's a fair thing to worry about, some people do use that as a way to dismiss the arguments made regarding patterns of grooming behavior in men towards young girls (among many other problems in which men and toxic masculinity are held accountable), but like any topic of this nature, it's not always a cut and dry black and white thing. Toxic masculinity and the grooming of teenage girls by adult men is a very real problem! But just like how we can understand the nuance that being a man by default doesn't immediately make you a predator, we should be able to understand the nuance that being a woman doesn't give you a free pass to do the same things we call out men for doing without consequences. It's like the double standard in LO that it's okay for Persephone to do the same things - if not worse - than what Leuce and Minthe and Thetis do, because she's the main character and she's not some scummy "mud-sucking" lower class person, she's rich and a Queen and she's wearing a giant hat so it makes it okay /s

Unfortunately the saying of "I support women's rights and women's wrongs" is being used in a completely tone deaf "literally excusing the main character of her crimes and wrongdoings against others because she happens to be a woman" kind of way, while missing the real point of the saying - supporting women's wrongs doesn't mean you celebrate their abuse towards others, it just means women shouldn't automatically be viewed as irredeemable "crazy bitches" for making mistakes like any other human does, and like any other human, they should be given the opportunity to grow and heal and learn from their wrongs.

When it comes to Persephone specifically, it can't even be chalked up to a "one time mistake" anymore, she's literally been showing patterns of abusive behavior for years now and refusing to take accountability, and now even Rachel is meme'ing on it knowing fully well it's what people are calling Persephone out for in the critical spaces. That's not "supporting women's wrongs", that's enabling the wrongs of a person because they happen to be a woman, and that's not okay. Persephone isn't a "girl boss", she's a bully.

I think the double standard in these age gap romances also speaks to the idolization and fixation on women as being nothing more than conquests for men as well. People who romanticize age gaps between a young woman and an older man think, "Wow, that woman is so mature for her age, enough that an older richer man would choose HER to be his wife! So romantic!" when in reality those who know those dynamics are unhealthy and toxic recognize it as an older man taking advantage of a young woman who's being love-bombed into believing she's "mature for her age" so that she'll sleep with him. Meanwhile, on the other side of it, those who romanticize young men getting with older women tend to come at it from the angle of "well she's so old and washed up, no man could ever love her, her chance for love and a happily ever after is gone now! it's so wonderful of that young man to give that sad and lonely old woman love and attention!" and yet fail to see it from the same perspective of an older person manipulating a young person with zero life experience, because there's still this deeply-rooted ideology that women are "used up" by age 30 and any man who gives her attention beyond that age range is a hero. Completely neglecting the fact that relationships aren't off the table at all for older single people and they don't need to involve robbing the cradle.

I blame the lack of older couple representation in media tbh, so many mainstream romance stories are basically just this:

To pull it out of the perspective of LO and webtoons for a second (sorry, I'm going on a hell of a tangent here), remember how gross it was when it was revealed in Fifty Shades Darker that Christian had been introduced to the concept of BDSM at age 15 through one of his mom's friends (i.e. an older woman!) who Anastasia calls "Mrs. Robinson"? And they had that relationship until he was 21? And they never really did anything about that, it was pretty much just there to explain why Christian was fucked up but he still got married to Anastasia, an innocent woman who he was repeating the cycle of abuse with, and lived happily ever after anyways?

Yeah. That was pretty fucked up.

#we all need to do better to hold ourselves accountable for shitty behavior #there are def societal issues at play that predispose people to have certain opinions or react differently based on concepts like gender #but true feminism means making a better world for women *and* men *and* everyone within and outside of that binary #it's not “rich and powerful women can do whatever they want because they're boss babes and deserve to be mean" #that's literally more along the lines of white feminism which we've definitely talked about here before #and just gender supremacy as a whole which isn't helpful for anyone #always remember to ask yourself: “is it feminism or is it misandry?” #because a lot of legit misandrists try to moonlight as feminists and really just hurt the cause as a whole

[kimbap-r0ll]

What if reader flinches whenever the twist boys argues/moves suddenly/makes a movement towards them because their ex was very toxic and abusive. How'd they react? Sorry if this makes oyu uncomfortable, feel free to ignore this request if you want. Just want some comfort headcanons with the twist characters because I had a very crappy break up with a recent abusive boyfriend of mine...Also, I love your work!!

Hi! Sorry I'm getting to this so late ;-; I'm glad you like my writing! I hope you're doing better too, and for anyone who is going through a toxic relationship or had experience with it I hope you are/will be in a better place now. I'll put this under the cut in case this is sensitive to anyone, but I'll choose the characters as Floyd, Riddle, Sebek, and Deuce.

tw: implications of an abusive relationship

Floyd, Riddle, Sebek, Deuce with an s/o who experienced an abusive relationship

Floyd

At first he didn't think much about his aggressive even dangerous behavior around people. He thought it was funny to see people look scared when he threatened to squeeze them and things like that. Even with his behavior, you two somehow started dating (perhaps it was your love of basketball or maybe similar interests in the sea).

He once punched the wall more or less because he was annoyed at someone (it was not you at all) and was muttering to himself about the said person. However, when he looked up to see you (who was there studying with him in his room), you were frozen in place and just staring at him.

This caused a different emotion from him to rise up: fear. It was the fear that he scared you, caused you to see someone that hurt you for so long and so much. His usual grin or threatening aura disappeared immediately and he carefully approached you. However, you backed away, flinching when he tried to reach out his hand to you

Floyd and you end up having a long talk that day about your past relationship. If anything, Floyd was ready to find whoever your ex was and beat the shit out of him. However, what you needed from Floyd the most was comfort, which he did by giving you what felt like the softest hug you had ever received in your life. He didn't have the words to comfort you as he was not experienced in softness, but he listened to everything you had to say, told himself what he needs to do to help you heal.

Floyd is extremely attentive, even for someone that may seem so careless. He never again acts violently in front of you, rather opting to give you surprise (gentle) hugs and joking around with you. Seeing you laugh and smile always made his heart flutter. However, seeing you smile after hearing your past makes him want to protect you more. You're in safe arms, he tells himself that when your with him. He'll make sure of that

Riddle

For someone who grew up in a strict, painful childhood, Riddle thought he would understand how to not make people cry. However, the habits he learned from his mother seemed to replicate in his actions as a dorm leader. You and Riddle seemed like an unlikely match with how kind you were, but somehow you two quickly became friends and started dating

Riddle never raised his voice at you, he was the complete opposite of the way he acted to his peers. However, Riddle one day raised his voice at you when you came back to the dorms late. He yelled at how worried he was as it was storming outside, that you could get hurt and how you had to fix that habit. The next thing he knew, he was looking at you holding yourself away from him, almost like you were scared

It was as though he was seeing a reflection of himself from his childhood, one that was frightened but unable to move. HIs heart felt sudden pain, especially when he tried to talk to you but you turned your face away from him. Riddle softly said an apology, swearing he would never do that again and that he would listen to you if you wanted to talk about it

When Riddle learns about your abusive past relationship, he can't help but wish to slap himself back when he yelled at you. He wished he had known, perhaps then he could have worked harder to make you feel safe with him and never worry about being pulled into something so traumatic again. Riddle tells you he's grateful you let him know about your past and that he would do everything he can to help you and protect you. For the first time, you see your uptight boyfriend loosen up, hugging you gently and placing a kiss on your head

He will speak softly to you as he usually did (Ace and Deuce may ask you how you accomplished this) and will always be there when you need comfort. He has warm tea when you call him over because you just need someone to talk to, and he's happy you trust him. He knows it can be hard to open up to people after such a horrible experience, but if anything, Riddle will make sure the two of you walk together and that you are safe with him

Sebek

As uptight as he is, he was never one to throw hands (though the threats of doing so are much more common). He prefered being classy, almost professional in school. Perhaps that was how he met you, either through opposites attract or through similar interests. Either way, he quickly fell in love and the next thing you knew it the two of you were dating (and Lilia thought it was the cutest thing ever)

Though it seemed like you two were very close, there was one thing that always stuck to the back of your mind: his voice. It was handsome when he spoke to you gently, but there were times when it would scare you. One day, the two of you had a heated argument and he yelled your name, perhaps in a vain attempt to get his point across. However, this resulted in you freezing up, feeling tears well up in your eyes and just holding your breath, perhaps waiting for something to hit you

Sebek saw this, and he immediately knew what he did wrong. He knew his impulses were horrible, but the last thing he wanted was for you to be affected by it. All the fiery anger diminished, his voice was almost a whisper when he said 'sorry' and asked if you were alright, saying he was in the wrong for raising his voice like that.

Sebek will give you time to calm down and talk to him about what happened. He has a feeling it was something traumatic, but what he hears makes his heart break. How could someone hurt you like that? Who could do such a thing to someone so kind, so amazing, that you had to live with that fear in the back of your mind? Sebek will tell you he never wants you to be afraid of him and that he's grateful you told him about your abusive ex. If anything, it will be a promise for life that he will protect you rather than harm you

Sebek isn't the best at comfort, but he can be surprisingly gentle when he wants to be. Quiet dates around the forest or reading in the Diasomnia lounge is common with the two of you. He will try his best not to raise his voice, and he can be overprotective of you. If he ever runs into your ex, he may have the urge to beat him up. However, you come first to him, he will make sure you are safe.

Deuce

He's never had the best reputation, he knows. That's why when he went to NRC he decided to completely change his ways and become an honor student. What he didn't expect was for him to fall in love with you and ask you out (in what you could say was the cheesiest way possible). You two went on dates right away, often causing Ace to complain about being a third wheel (though he thought you two were super cute together)

You knew about Deuce's past as a delinquent because he told you about it. However you never really thought about seeing it happen until one day when he ran across some rowdy people at the seashore you two were hanging out at. The men not only catcalled you but tried to grab you, causing you to flinch. Deuce didn't think before throwing a punch at them, telling them in the most aggressive way ever to stay away, and eventually scaring them away enough for them to run. When he turned to you, he didn't see you smiling, rather you were burying your face in your arms, crouched down and trying to hide your tears

Deuce gently crouches down too, telling you it's alright and that the guys are gone. However you ask him about the violent reaction, and he realizes something's wrong. You were scared of him too. Whispering your name, he slowly pulls you into a hug and lets you cry, whispering you'll be alright and that he's sorry for scaring you like that. If you want to talk about it at a later time, he'll wait and listen when you do

If anything, Deuce would want to punch the living shit out of your ex for causing so much pain. At the same time, Deuce will want to be even more protective of you, wanting you to feel safe with him and making happy memories together. He'll make sure of that by promising to not act out violently with you around and to protect you from harassers. He'll give you a warm smile and pinky promise it too

Deuce is a bit awkward and cheesy when it comes to comfort and hugs, but it's what makes you smile. He loves seeing you happy, it's like walking through a sunny day to him, and he'll do everything he can to protect your smile. He will listen to you if you need to talk to him, and sometimes the two of you go on a magical wheel ride (as that is a way he de-stresses). If anything, he will be protective of you, but super comforting at the same time

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst imagines #anon ask #twst scenarios #twst headcanons #twst x reader #tw #twst floyd #twst floyd x reader #twst riddle #twst riddle x reader #twst sebek #twst sebek x reader #twst deuce #twst deuce x reader

[janicho88]

I Got You - Chapter 6

Pairing- Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Female! Kazansky reader

Word count- 2,866

Warnings- Language, mentions of domestic violence, injuries, and abuse, abusive boyfriend, hurt reader, protective Jake. If I missed something, please let me know.

A/N- Before we get any further into this, there will be a few differences from the movie. Ice was sick, but beat it, the aviators are there for a six-week training, not three. I'm sure there are going to be Naval inaccuracies. The first few chapters will be a little heavy, but we will move past that. Thank you to @slightly-psycho-multifan for beta'ing! This is the last chapter I have finished, I'm not sure when the next one will be out.

Summary- When you have finally reached a breaking point, you call the one person you trust for help. He’s never seen you as more than a friend, but he is the person you know you’re safest with.  It’s been months since he has had so much as a text from you, but Jake Seresin would do anything for the Navy princess he met years ago.  The pilot knows she means more to him than he ever will to her, but he will do anything for her.

Series Masterlist

“Hangman, open up!”  The yelling continues, as the man now alternates between knocking and ringing the doorbell. 

Jake makes sure you are out of sight before opening up.  “What can I do for you Maverick?”

When the door finally opens, Mav is pushing his way inside past Jake.  “We need to talk about your behavior today.  That was completely unacceptable. The Navy isn’t going to tolerate it, and neither will I.  This mission is going to require intense training, and you aren’t going to get that if you keep getting yourself grounded like today. You can’t just come strolling into a briefing late, or sleep through hops going on.  Even you could learn a thing or two. One more screw up and Cyclone is going to send your ass packing.”

Standing in the kitchen, your worry over who is at the door starts to fade a little when you recognize the voice currently yelling at Jake.  Quietly moving to peek around the doorway you see your Godfather standing in Jake’s living room berating him.  It takes a moment for you to realize that your friend got in trouble on base today.  You let out a gasp when it slowly sinks in that it was because of you. Forgetting where you are, you are frozen in place as the guilt hits you.  Everything Jake did for you last night, and in less than 24 hours you are already causing him trouble. 

Hearing your gasp, Jake looks away from Maverick and sees you standing in the doorway.  Problem is, so does Maverick. 

When Maverick turns around and sees his Goddaughter standing there with bruises on her face and neck he sees red.  Ice had confided in him that he was worried about his only daughter. Without another thought he charges at the taller pilot in front of him.  Jake is looking at you so he’s caught off guard, giving Maverick the upper hand.  Holding an arm across Hangman’s throat, he pushes the younger pilot up against the wall.  

“You son of a bitch.  Do you really think you’re going to get away with this?  One phone call to Ice and he will have your ass court martialed faster than you can blink.”

Jake isn’t really listening to the man in front of him, his focus is on you still in the doorway.  He saw fear fill your face as soon as the Captain shoved him against the wall.  “You’re scaring her,” he tells the other man.

“I’m scaring her, I’m not the one who gave her those bruises,” Maverick retorts.

Jake’s had enough, getting his arms in between himself and Maverick, he pushes the older aviator off of him.  “Neither I’m I,” he spits out as he carefully walks toward you.

“Don’t you dare go near her,” Maverick yells as he tries to steady himself. 

The younger aviator ignores him, his focus just on you.  “It’s alright Darlin’ I promise. You’re safe, I’m safe.”  Jake speaks calmly as he slowly walks toward you with his hands out in front of him.  

Shaking yourself out of your stupor, you throw yourself into his arms as soon as he is close enough.  You wrap your arms around him, and that is when Maverick sees the cast peeking out from the sleeve of Jake’s sweatshirt you're wearing.

Jake is careful as he wraps his own arms around you.  He doesn’t want to aggravate any of your bruises, he can feel you shaking in his arms.  “It’s alright, I’ve got you princess, it’s okay,”  he keeps repeating that over and over to you as he slowly starts to rub your back.

When he no longer feels you shaking, and notices your breathing has calmed down, Jake slowly pulls back to look at you.  “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, thanks.”  You might be slightly calmer, but you don’t make any attempt to pull away from Jake. 

“Someone better explain what the hell is going on here.”  Maverick has been watching the scene in front of him, glaring daggers at Hangman.  But even he can tell something isn’t adding up with his initial thoughts.

The man holding you looks at Maverick over his shoulder before turning back to you. “It’s up to you, you don’t have to tell anybody anything.”

“Watch it Lieutenant, you’re in enough trouble,” Maverick harshly remarks.

That brings you back to why you were looking out here to begin with, you got Jake in trouble.  Looking up at Jake with worry in your eyes you ask, “did I get you in trouble today?”

“No, not at all.  I just forgot to set my alarm before we went to sleep so I was a few minutes late.”

“You went to bed later than usual, because I interfered with your sleep.”

“I should be used to some shorter nights.  We don’t always get a full night on deployments, or when we have special training on base.”

“But if I hadn’t called you…”

Jake interrupts you, “Nope nope nope, I don’t even want to think about what would have happened if you hadn’t called.  There is no telling what that asshole would have done when he came back today.  You being safe is worth everything that happened to me today.”

“I’m sorry,” you try to apologize again, but he stops you with a finger over your mouth.  You feel awful for causing him trouble.  Josh is right, you aren’t good for anything.

Jake carefully wipes the tears you can’t stop off of your face.  “Don’t be, it’s okay.  Even if I knew what would happen today, I would do it all over again.”

“Is anyone going to tell me what’s going on?” Maverick interrupts. 

Looking around Jake you sneak a peek at your Godfather, you swallow down a sob as you hide your head back in Jake’s chest.  Uncle Mav is going to think you’re so stupid.  Jake holds you to him, as he keeps rubbing your back.  “I can make him leave if you want,” he whispers to you.  

You know he would, but that would mean more trouble for Jake. Shaking your head you step back, but grab Jake’s hand with your good one before moving over to the couch.  You sit down in the corner and Jake takes the spot right next to you, never letting go of your hand.  

Maverick stands behind the chair gripping the back of it, mind full of worry at the look of his honorary niece and Goddaughter.  He’s the first one to break the silence, “I thought your dad told me you were in LA?  When did you come back here?” “Last night.”

“Who hurt you?”

“Josh,” you finally mumble.

“Is he here?” Maverick wants to know, haunches immediately rising. 

You just give a small shake of your head.

“Can you tell me what happened?  How did you get here?”

Closing your eyes, you take a shaky breath.  This is where he tells you how stupid you are for letting this happen.  You aren’t sure you can handle this yet.  You look over at Jake, and he understands your silent plea.

“I don’t know what exactly happened yet, Y/N will tell that story when she’s ready.  I got a call last night when I was at the Hard Deck.  It was Y/N, she said she needed help.  I drove up to LA to get her.  The SOB wasn’t there when I arrived at their apartment.  We got her stuff out of there and left.  Stopped at a hospital in Santa Ana on the way back home.  He broke her wrist, bruised ribs, and gave her a concussion along with the other bruises.  That reminds me,” he looks over at the clock, “it’s too late today, but we need to find you an orthopedic doctor for your wrist.”

“What happened to him?” Maverick cuts in.

Jake looks at you, seeing you stare at the floor he answers again.  “He never came back while I was there.  The cops got involved in the hospital.  At first they thought I was responsible, when that was cleared up I gave them their home address, but it’s not their jurisdiction so I’m not sure how much good that will do.” 

“Ice will know who to talk to to get this taken care of.”

“No,” you scream as loud as your sore throat will let you.

Maverick turns to look at you in confusion. “No what?”

“She doesn’t want her parents to know right now.  She doesn’t even want them to know she’s here yet,”  Jake answers for her.

“Why not?”

“Please, Uncle Mav, please don’t tell them I’m here,” you plead with your Godfather without answering his question.

The older pilot looks up at the ceiling and sighs before moving to sit in the chair in front of him.  

“Please, please don’t tell him. “

“For now, I won’t say anything.  But I don’t like keeping things from your dad,” he tells you with a sigh.

“That’s because he’s the one to get you out of trouble.”

“Glad to see you haven’t lost all your sass.”  He turns to look at Jake now, who is occupied watching you.  Maybe he misjudged the man in front of him. 

“We start working on the course for this mission tomorrow.  It’s supposed to be one hop per pilot for the next few days.  Stay back when the others are gone, I’ll see about getting you up to work on dogfighting in the afternoon to make up for missing both flights today,” Maverick tells Jake as he stands up.  The younger pilot understands it’s his Captain's way of saying he supports what he did, and he is no longer in trouble with him.

“Yes, sir.”

 “Little Kaz, if you need anything, you can always call me.  Love you kid.  Hangman, walk me out.” Maverick gives you a careful hug as you stand from the couch, then follows Jake to the door.  He turns to the younger pilot when both men are on the front porch, he waits for Hangman to shut it before speaking.  “How bad?”

Jake doesn’t need an explanation for what he’s asking.  “The bruises are worse today than when I got there yesterday.  Her throat is pretty sore, I can tell from the bruises he tried to choke her.   We need to make an appointment with an ortho for her wrist, she says everything hurts right now.  She hasn’t had her pain meds like she should.  I planned to drop her prescriptions off to be filled  and grab her food at lunch, then bring them right home when we got out.  That plan got a little waylaid.” 

He pauses glaring at Maverick, the older pilot slightly winces before Hangman continues.

“Hopefully the medicine has started to kick in for her now.  She’s definitely skittish right now.  You could see the fear in her eyes when you were pounding on the door.  I took the battery out of her phone for now, I wouldn’t put it past the bastard to have some kind of tracker on there.”

Pulling out his own phone he shows Mav the pictures of your apartment he took the night before, with the broken glass and blood.  “She hasn’t talked about it much, I don’t know how the mirror was broken, but I’d bet that’s her blood.  She has cuts on the arm with her broken wrist.”

Swearing under his breath, Maverick closes his eyes and starts to pace the small porch.  He’d really like to hop on his bike and drive up to LA and find the asshole, give him a taste of his own medicine, but he knows he can’t.  How is he supposed to keep this from Ice?  Stopping his pacing, he turns to the younger pilot.

“If she needs anything let me know.  I don’t like not telling Tom and Sarah about this, but I won’t for now.”

“Thank you,” Jake replies.

“Keep her safe, Seresin.”

“I will.”

Picking up his helmet from the porch, Maverick is taking off, and Jake heads back inside.  Once the door is locked back up, he turns around seeing you watching him intently on the couch.

“Do you think he’s going straight to my dad?” you ask in a near whisper.

“He said he’d keep it to himself for now.”  Jake looks you over, biting down on his bottom lip.  “Darlin’ can I ask you something?”

You nod, just knowing he is probably going to ask you to find somewhere else to stay.  You’ve been here less than a day and you’re already causing problems.

“Why don’t you want to tell your parents?  Mav is right, your dad could be a big help with Josh.”

You don’t answer right away, when you do start talking it’s directed at the coffee table in front of you.  “Dad’s the Commander of the Pacific Fleet, he’s not stupid, neither is my mom. They would be so ashamed of me if they knew I stayed with Josh after everything he did.  They kept telling me there was something about him they didn’t trust.  It was too late to leave when I finally realized what they meant. I should have listened to them.”

When you start crying, Jake sits down beside you and carefully pulls you into his arms.  Once again doing all he can to calm you down.  “Princess, they aren’t going to be ashamed.  They’re going to be pissed, but not at you, at that worthless excuse of a man.  I won’t make you tell them if you aren’t ready.”

Once the tears finally stop, Jake pulls back and gently wipes your face.  “How about we go up to bed?  I think we both could use the sleep.”

“Okay.”  

Jake leads you to the kitchen first for some pain medicine and a glass of water to take upstairs.  You follow him up the steps, but he pauses in the hallway.

“I completely forgot to get some other sheets for that bed today.”  He turns to look at you, “you can take my bed, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

You think of how safe you felt last night in bed, and you know that was only because Jake was next to you.  “You need the sleep more than I do, we could share again?”  you quietly suggest.

“I don’t want to crowd you, we need to be careful of your injuries.”

“You won’t hurt me.  After Uncle Mav came over like that, and Penny earlier.  I know they don’t mean any harm, I just would feel better if you were close…”  Trailing off you look away from Jake so he won’t see the blush creeping up.

He gently cups your chin to lift your face to look at him.  “If that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do.  Anything you need Darlin’.”  He doesn’t want to worry you more tonight, but he knows he’ll have to tell you soon that Penny is also aware you’re staying here.

The two of you take turns in the bathroom.  You once again put on Jake’s shirt and shorts.  Unpacking wasn’t high on your list today, plus you weren’t sure where you could put anything.  At least that was the excuse you were giving yourself wearing his clothes, it wasn’t because you liked being wrapped up in Jake’s scent.  Nope, not at all. 

Jake was the first to fall asleep.  When you hear his breathing even out, you carefully move a little bit closer to his side, before drifting off yourself.

A few hours north in Los Angeles, Josh is finally returning to your once shared apartment.  The door slams behind the man as he enters the quiet home.  “I don’t smell dinner cooking! Why is that you lazy little bitch!  I thought you would have learned after last night to do what I tell you.”  He calls out, walking first to the kitchen.  Nothing is out, and it doesn’t look like you have even started making his dinner yet.  His anger is quickly rising as he makes his way to the bedroom looking for you.

“Since you haven’t made my dinner, your worthless ass had better have at least cleaned up the mess you made me make in here,” he yells as he opens the bedroom door.  Seeing the pieces of glass still all over the floor and the things from his dresser around the floor, your ex sees red.  He searches for you in the bathroom and around the apartment, but comes up empty.  He is too angry to notice your missing items right now. 

Back in the living room, he whips out his phone and calls the hospital.  He didn’t think you’d try and go there again after the last time.  Someone had dared to question him when he showed up to collect you.  You were warned about how bad things would be if you ever tried to go back.  Looks like he is going to have to remind you when he gets you back home.

The cell phone goes flying across the room when the third med station he calls hangs up.  The hospital has denied you were there, and so have the three med stations.  Where the hell did you disappear to?

Thank you for reading!

Chapter 7 coming soonish

IGY Tags

@dempy @fox-bee926 @acarboni21 @novagreen04 @kmc1989 @els-marvelvsp @bethbunnyy @senjoritanana @abaker74 @mygyn @lynnevanss @m-rae23 @djs8891 @supraveng @loving-and-dreaming @mayhemmanaged @kajjaka @delightfulheroshoeflap @imaginecrushes @donna-lynn  @rosiahills22 @mavrellover91 @emma8895eb @alittlebitofjennasea

#i got you #top gun maverick #jake hangman seresin #jake seresin x reader #tw injury #tw dv mention #tw abuse

[spikeinthepunch]

the other thing i really wanted to mention about CotC in more detail, esp after watching new episodes, was the times the series tackles abusive family in a way thats heavily implied or straight up shown.

most obvious example of this was the episode "Scoutguest", where Craig allows Jason to come home after he says he lost his keys. What is actually most interesting about this episode is it focuses on how Craig is completely oblivious, and how Jason's home life shows his submissiveness in home environments. The first example was Craig and Bernard fighting about chores, and Jason just goes and does the chores for him, stating he wanted to save them the argument. I'm sure many who can immediately find this familiar- the act of doing something good in order to stop your parents from yelling at you or others in the house. You just want it to stop. But Craig not knowing any better, uses this behavior to his benefit. going through the episode, Craig's mom eventually calls the number shes given (which, we dont actually know was Jason's mom, and i think it probably wasnt- probably another source that knows jason's situation) and learns/understands whats up, and is kind to him as a guest. She doesnt tell Craig anything- he's a child, itd be hard to explain, and it may be invasive to Jason to explain it to Craig. regardless, she encourages Craig to be kind and when Craig hears Jason say somethings on his own he comes to realizing how different things are- and pieces together things. There is a lesson in realizing you should watch how you treat others, not presume about other's lives, and that some times someone seeking help may be doing so in a very discreet/not obvious way.

but (spoilers for newest episodes) i actually found this topic interesting to look at with Xavier. Xavier is a bully, hes mean. We learned that Xavier never had friends because he realized they just liked how he has cool stuff, and because of that, he just bullied people back, and felt that being King got him attention enough to feel good. hes a child, and Craig intervening right now is what he needs- Xavier can change. So onto my thought- The episode where Xavier explaining his story made me uncomfortable. We havent seen much of his family life. Things we do know: his oldest brother Kennith is at college, his oldest sister Cheyenne is in highschool, an unnamed/presumed mother. Unclear about another parent.

I shouldn't assume what i don't know about Xavier (his parent situation, mainly) but its interesting that we see so little of his family outside of his siblings, because the show has been very good at showing us entire family dynamics (we saw parents for characters that hardly show up!). His family is rich, his brother is distant as he is in college, and so Xavier is basically around his sister all the time. Previously I think I just took as her as the moody highschooler who thinks her little bro is annoying. But, in episode 2 of season 5, we get his story (which again, notably, does not show anything of his parents) where he eventually shows how he wanted to get stronger to i guess, beat up Craig. This is where i got uncomfy with the implications- his sister. Cheyenne works out, and the little we saw of her as the former queen did show she was also likely a bully, and i think it may be safe to say she is toxic and abusive towards Xavier as well tbh. Like, the way she start getting physical with him in that episode... getting angry, belittling him, hitting him. It made me anxious to see, feeling what is implied about her character. she does seem 'proud' of him improving but, i think its a situation of control (as she encourages in him too) and passed off like "tough love" when its actually really bad.

Xavier is 12 years old, we cannot and should not hate him like he is unredeemable. He turned into what he is for reasons a child likely would- be it the lack of people wanting to be his friend, or the implication that his older sibling pushed him around and bullied him herself. i did not really expect to see that in these new episodes honestly- it would have been easy to just say its how Xavier didnt make friends, but i think looking harder, you can again see how abuse affects kids, in ways that are very different but both bad.

#cotc #craig of the creek #sorry but i care A LOT about Xavier #also wow how did i not realize najja voices his sister!!! what

[ibm7094lover]

Is Sarek abusive?

After a lengthy argument/discussion with my mother (og Trekkie, strangely unfamiliar with K/S culture), I seem to be at a stalemate. It's fascinating because there's a lot of points on both sides. I'll provide my own argument and my mother's argument under read more.

Mine:

-Sarek's behavior (and by proxy, many Vulcans) towards Spock's mixed genetics is a direct contradiction to IDIC (Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations) as Spock represents a small portion of that ideal: Mixed race, arguably queer, and neurodivergent.

-In the Star Trek 2009 deleted scene, Sarek calls him "so human," and from some theories it's believed Spock was surgically altered to appear more Vulcan

-Arguably, you could say this was so other Vulcans wouldn't bully him for looking so human, but we already know how that went.

-Amanda is passive in her parenting, and does little to engage Spock in human traditions along with Vulcan. She goes along with Sarek's beliefs, even if it hurts him.

-Sybok was exiled(?) for embracing emotion and encouraging others to do the same. Michael ran away and is a complete emotional mess (but probably the best out of the three). Spock has identity issues. See a pattern?

-Tuvok is seen to embody a healthier ideal of Vulcan: Permitting himself positive emotions, because it is illogical to deny himself of that. You could imply Sarek's family is just very dysfunctional.

-You can only go so far when excusing behavior with culture, but if someone is being hurt or caused harm, however indirect, it must be addressed by the society or a third perspective in order to improve.

Mom:

-everyone is abusive by modern standards / by human standards, everyone's abusive

-Sarek is an extreme outlier for marrying a human

-Most surgical procedures for Spock make sense, because they'd have to fix some conflicting issues (iron-blood/copper-blood, organ arrangement, etc.) but it is sad Sarek thought to change Spock's appearance when it didn't hinder him in any way.

-By Vulcan standards, Sarek isn't abusive because if anything he's less strict than other Vulcan parents.

-Sarek wasn't considered abusive when the show aired, and he isn't considered abusive now.

-You can't judge another culture by your own standards. (Side note: also believes you can't judge the cult in MidSommar for drugging someone, along with other things they did because it's "their culture.")

With all this in mind, I'm curious to know the general consensus around this topic. I'll leave some extra context below:

My mother comes from an extremely abusive family. Jack Stauber's Opal-level abusive. (I showed her the film and she cried with me) As such, it's understandable that we might have different definitions of abuse, given the generational difference (she's an older mom) and cultural difference (she's Mexican).

Because of this, I'm a pretty sheltered kid, but that also means I don't have a lot of exposure to difficult situations or significant abuse. I can acknowledge that I still have a lot to learn, and I'm trying to peel off my black-and-white mentality as well. I'd appreciate any feedback relating to this and the poll above so I can revise my perspective if I'm wrong!

#fuzzy gushes #star trek #spock #s'chn t'gai spock #s'chn t'gai family #sarek #amanda grayson #vulcan #vulcan culture #vulcan biology #The Romulan Way #Star Trek 2009

[star-crossed-mid]

Leon becoming the king rambles

I haven't finished the entirety of everyone's stories (I just did the mainstory for all 12) but I've been thinking about Leon's final story where he ascends to the king status.

more info dumping theories below. Also I could be wrong like again I have not finished anyone's story completely pls correct me if im wrong

From what I've seen he becomes king of the heavens and is given a new set of stars (the king star).

It makes me wonder who's taking over as minister of wishes/ruler of leo. He did give MC the Leo constellation for her to become a god iirc. It's funny bcuz its almost like his name correlates to a lion and itd probably get confusing from there. Also MC has aquarius in one of her eyes so I wonder if it just went back to hue after this.

Would Vega or Karno become minister? Would it be MC? Would the departments even be a thing when he's king or would he fundamentally just change everything.

If leon becomes the new king/becomes omnipotent, wouldn't he just be forced to live like the king, always hidden away and alone because he literally sees and knows all. Only left a victim of watching things happen until ppl come up to you for more. Letting curiosity roam free as you have infinite power to do anything. A move of his hand and things are gone. Is he even himself at this point or does the curse of infinite knowledge and power catch up.

This also dives into Leon as a character. He's portrayed as lazy and uninterested (on mondays or smthn) at first. He's also shown as a hard worker and genuinely tries to be just and fair. Whenever a god is in trouble he always makes a stand towards Zyg and the King. Most of his character arc is Leon trying to understand that he can trust MC/other people and that they care for him as a person, not a mighty powerful being. Despite his attitude towards everything, Leon is just a character who has to learn to undo his past ways of thinking that were hurting him and the people around him (and he does healthily learn). Leon's behavior is also very cat-like.

Would he be able to keep all the progress he made in a position similar to where he was most hurt.

He also marries mc and has a kid in that route so ig there's that. From what I've seen he changes a few things to allow everything to go smoothly.

Also to note Star-crossed myth has generally happy endings and is on positive notes most of the time compared to other god media being nitty gritty. I may be reading too deep into this to cope with the bad ending of a new video game. For some reason I really love fics/concepts with the scm gods that are tragic like actual mythology/fairytales

I just consumed a bunch of different media that dealt with characters becoming omnipotent gods and it never ends well.

Most of the times characters who ascend to higher status are just left as watchers, in new forms, only watching what once was and what they once had. No one knows if the previous versions of themselves are still there, or just apart of something bigger now.

There was one fan excerpt where the chars of the show were just yelling at the sky/showing the sky items they bought. They did this hoping to show their old friend who had became an omnipotent god said items, and having no idea if they saw it or not. The ex-partner of the person who ascended also spent a majority of the show trying to speak to them again. Even if they weren't together it was the act of love that stayed.

In a new video game that just came out, theres a character who has a really traumatic backstory and has the option to stop their abuser and 'ascend' to a position like their captor. The entire arc of this specific character relies on them making their own choices for once and not being apart of someones plan, and you as the player have the option to watch them make their choice to ascend or try to change their mind. When this character ascends it literally cursed them into continuing their cycle of abuse and losing themselves in the process. Spent the entire game going through character development only for a ritual to just undo everything hahaha imissthemsomuch one thing ascending did was take away their sense of humor and ability to be nice.

anyways wishing leon the best in the messy story of star-crossed myth xoxo dont let the power get to ur head babes hope he does better than the mf king fuck that dude

also random hc ill probably draw later is I like to believe that both Zyg and Leon were in line for the throne as kids/young gods. Leon a little more favored bcuz his powers r stated to be strongest, Zyg being older and more responsible at the time.

tldr Leon probably pissed off Zyglavis somehow and Zyg gave leon the 'ultimate punishment' and took himself out of the competition. The punishment being the weight of the crown.

#star crossed myth #star-crossed myth #starcrossed myth #scm leon #voltage otome

[makingspiritualityreal]

There Are Different Levels to Parenting Competence.

The ultimate one can occur only when there is similarity between a parent and a child. The parent is perfectly equipped to give advice to the child, who faces a similar problem and tends to have similar reactions to that problem. Thus, the parent can relate and give advice.

The slightly lower, yet still efficient process occurs when the parent is highly attuned and empathetic towards the child despite their differences. As a result, they can imagine or brainstorm solutions together, which leads to an expanding trial and error process, where the teacher learns together with the student.

The neutral level occurs when a child faces a generational karmic blockage passed down from a parent. That means, they’re facing the same issue a parent failed to resolve themselves. The best situation that can come out of this predicament is the parent honestly admitting that they have no clue how to help and feel equally challenged in that given area. This way, the child has space to at least explore and maybe come up with ideas to fix the problem through exposure to other external factors.

These levels of parenting are tolerable and can lead to good outcomes. The next two are an active detriment to a child’s life and take years to fix, reaching into adulthood.

The first one is a child being scapegoated for not continuing a bad family pattern. A family tends to have a certain behavioral scheme they refuse to change, which is a detriment to some area of their life. They are completely unwilling even to discuss the issue. When a new generation grows up and shows that they could potentially try to solve the issue everyone is avoiding, they face criticism, and they’re being made to feel like they’re in the wrong. However, since the family tends to avoid the issue, it gives the child wiggle room to explore its solutions through other people outside the family circle, and if they come back with the issue solved years down the line, they may even hear “good for you”. The family circle didn’t want to go through the pain of dealing with the issue, but they welcome the fixed positive circumstances, and give the child some space for exploring the issue on their own, even if initially they were critical of their attempts. As a result, the child’s individuality and desire to make a positive change in their life is partially intact and able to surface enough to bring results.

The last stage, and sadly the worst, is being exposed to complete narcissism and attempts at extermination. That is when a parental figure is so triggered, they train the child into repeating their bad patterns by using fear conditioning, which sounds something like “you will only achieve xyz and fulfill this basic need in life if you do the exact same wrong thing I am doing and if you can’t, you will never get what you need”. That puts a child at a huge detriment, as it gives them no space to discover how to go about fulfilling their needs in a given area, since they have been conditioned into being afraid of looking at themselves. The child will now have to go through a very high degree of trauma to first get rid of the negative pattern that they most probably set up their whole life with, and then through a long process of discovering who they are under that trauma, and then they get a delayed start in life at being able to even begin finding out who they are. Simply battling the fear of embracing anything else in life rather than the abusive patterns that become our safety blanket in this area can be traumatizing.

The most difficult thing about this classification is, in every family, we all experienced all of these dynamics simultaneously, next to each other, in different areas of life, depending on the issues our elders brought into this life. As a result, the situation becomes very tangled and complicated.

So you may for example come from a very successful family that fosters your own talents and enables your own success, but has a huge shadow relative to personal relationships. As a result, you might find yourself positively goal driven but very lonely. One does not exclude the other, and to be truly happy in life, you need to deal with the whole scope of experiences and deal with each one of them accordingly, from the easiest to the hardest.

#spiritualjourney #spiritual healing #spiritual path #spiritual awakening #spiritual development #making spirituality real

[limeade-l3sbian]

I think the socialization part shows itself a lot more since most romance manga(and in cases of manhua and manwha, the chinese and korean equivalents) are written by east asian women, whom obviously live in a place even more patriarchal than the west. not to say the things these women learn to accept from “love” makes them less or even unusual, i simply want to reiterate that it’s more pronounced there due to how even more constricted their societies are in regards to the treatment of their women.

anyway. now that the disclaimer is out of the way!

i’ve grown up reading a lot of manga of many different genres but i’ve especially used to have had some intense shoujo phases. shoujo is basically manga created for the demographic of girls and young women. not to say others can’t read it, but it’s simply where they tend to be marketed.

shoujo romance especially shows this issue a lot that i wanna talk about. the male leads will 9 times out of 10 be rich, extremely emotionally stunted(this can show in the form of intense rudeness, complete lack of emotional depth, no expressions, stoic to the extreme, downright abusive) and handsome. Those are the three traits they almost all have. Now obviously I get the want for a handsome or beautiful lead, whether it’s female or male, it is after all just fantasy fulfillment to an extent. The same with wealth. But i think the emotionally stunted side speaks of the women and girls’ who read the mangas socialization a lot. We have these male leads who often make the female leads go through hell, whether it’s due to his own actions or inactions. Sexual assaults have gotten less common in more modern manga, but it was only like ten years ago where sexual assaults in manga by the male lead towards the female MC would be a common place for him to show his desire for her and despite it often being portrayed as bad on the MC’s end, she always did end up forgiving him. The same with however else he treated her.

Made her to all the heavy lifting emotionally of the relationship? He’s forgiven, because suddenly he’s gotten a “tragic” backstory of a lonely, lonely boy being neglected in his massive mansion from childhood. He’s absolutely vile towards women? His mom was probably a horrid woman who either cheated on his poor dad and left or maybe she was simply so overbearing he now feel suffocated and dates new women every week like it’s some kind of game to dangle others feelings at his fingertips. Way into the romantic relationship having started with the MC he’s suddenly revealed to have a arranged fiancée or a very mean spirited but extremely beautiful childhood friend who the main character now how to basically fight off him with a stick while the male lead does not much else in most of these stories besides being useless. if we are lucky we get him talking the fiancée/childhood friend that he actually liked this new girl(MC), but extremely rarely will he actually go out of his way to truly set boundaries. he will passively essentially invite scorn towards his current gf. and these are just SOME of the examples of repeat patterns in behavior in the romantic male leads.

time and time again in shoujo romance male leads will make life much harder for the female main character. she will often be put down to her face for scoring such a rich hottie(even though we are at times 50+ chapters in and feelings on his end still seem finicky), she will have to bear the emotional heavy lifting and basically mother him/be a teacher to him on how to express himself, despite the fact that he usually changes very little. she will forgive any and all transgression he commits, even if it breaks her heart, because he is the main male lead and therefore he can do nothing truly wrong to not end up with her. and in the end of the mangas it’s usually somehow made clear in some way that SHES the lucky one. despite her carrying the relationship on her back. She should be grateful. And women and girls in east asia, and obviously also very much outside of it, eats it up. Yes! Give us a borderline abusive or at least emotionally neglectful man! We can forgive! We can forget! Let us be his doormat!

Not manga but it’s also so obviously in most romance kdramas i’ve seen. It’s such a common trope, these handsome, rich, utter asshole male leads and then these utter angel for a female lead who absolutely tolerates getting walked all over.

And while i’ve not read any of those books, it’s not like it’s not visible in the west. When authors like Coleen Hoover has basically built a career off of emotionally stunted but hot guys treated their gf/wife like utter garbage but it’s okay!!!! so romantic!!!!

women all over the world have such bottom of the barrel standards when it comes to emotional maturity in men. in some mediums it’s certainly more apparent than others, but it’s visible all over.

I do wanna be 100% clear that not all romance manga is obviously as I described. I’m simply talked about popular tropes, and i mean EXTREMELY popular, as in its more common to see at least one of them than it isn’t. That’s all.

!!!

#ask

[darrisgrove]

A Clockwork Orange Notes

PART ONE

-Already the book starts differently than the movie, don't hate me for watching the movie before reading the book. The boys hassle a smoke shop before the homeless man, which was not included in the movie. They sweeten up some old ladies at a diner (?) as an alibi.

-"It's a stinking world because it lets the young get on to the old like you done, and there's no law nor order no more."

-"--The attempt to impose upon man, a creature of growth and capable of sweetness, to ooze juicily at the last round the bearded lips of God, to attempt to impose, I say, laws and conditions appropriate to a mechanical creation, against this I raise my sword-pen" pg 27. Foreshadowing.

-Alex is the alpha of the pack, just as he was in the movie.

-Alex is a teenager, or college age student.

-Alex's dream of Georgie being a general is also foreshadowing.

-P. R. Deltoid's warning to Alex tells us that Alex has been caught and in trouble before, enough times for him to have a post corrective advisor stop to visit him in his home. Sent there by Alex's mother.

-I think it's important to note that Alex using the same "my friend has fainted" play has it's own glimpse onto Alex's intelligence. While he does make himself appear to be high and mighty, no one is smarter than me, type character, why would he use the same play to lure people into opening their doors for him? If it's worked a few times in the past to get him what he wants, eventually people will catch the repetition and become warned of that phrase. Maybe that is why the cat lady was suspicious of the phrase from the start. She'd been warned and did the right thing but denying him entry and calling the police right away. Our Humble Narrator isn't as smart as he thinks.

-Alex is 15 at the the story takes place.

-Alex's lingo has a chokehold on my every waking moment. It haunts me how fluid it feels when I'm reading it, even though I have no idea what he's saying most of the time. I do find it interesting how the author indicates that the adults in the story speak without Alex's lingo, they speak "proper".

PART TWO

-Alex is now 17.

-It seems like in the film they completely removed the second murder Alex was convicted of, which I feel would have been important towards telling his story. In the film, they show Alex having taken responsibility and showing interested in becoming a better man. In the book, Alex is still manipulative and a bad character. He hasn't learned from his crimes. He's just annoyed that he is forced to be around people he considers to be lesser than him. He's disgusted by them. He's looking in the mirror and refuses to see his own reflection.

-Aversion therapy is what is happening here, where the patient is given an undesirable stimuli while being shown images, or in Alex's case, films, in order to treat the unwanted behavior. This was also administered as treatment for "curing" homosexuality back in the day alongside castration to cure gayness. While the practice has been looked down upon and shamed for the mental harm it causes patients who underwent this treatment, unfortunately conversion therapy and aversion therapy is still practiced today. However, there are proper non-harmful ways to use aversion therapy and is sometimes recommended by therapists. Aversion therapy is a type of behavioral therapy. It is sometimes used to help treat nail biting, alcoholism (some medications used to treat alcohol abuse trigger a sick feeling response when alcohol is consumed), and smoking.

-The "vitamin" injection was the undesirable stimuli, making Alex feel weak and the showing of the criminal activities on film made Alex condition criminal activity with feeling sick. Which is why later on when Alex is kicked around and shown breasts, he becomes sick. This is similar to the alcoholism aversion therapy medication which makes the patient nauseous when they consume alcohol. The author writing about this therapy did a great job at expressing the thoughts and actions and makes me wonder if he did this on purpose or if it was accidental.

-Alex is quickly beginning to realize the horrors he had committed. While it was fun and games for him before, now having the undesirable stimuli to punish his behavior is teaching him that crime is not fun and games.

-I wonder why they didn't show a scene of Alex hitting his head against the wall and showing sickness from it in the film. I feel they grazed over this part of the book, showing Alex and the films, his shouting and anger at the doctors playing his favorite music, but the read pain is in Alex's physical reactions. A duality can be found between pre-cured Alex and the correctional doctors, the violence is different but still violence. Same with the police violence towards the end.

-"Am I just to be like a clockwork orange?" page 129.

PART THREE

-Alex still feels higher than everyone else, that he's more important than everyone else.

-In the end, Alex didn't learn anything. He went right back to worshipping violence.

#elven legions #book recommendations #book review #books #books and reading #elven readers #goodreads #storygraph #elven reader #A clockwork orange #clockwork orange #Anthony burgess

[ginger-idiot]

So I've been thinking.

I think I might temporarily pause my Traumatized Pastra AU for my new au.

Introducing:

A random ass Doai AU I've had for a while now and am currently turning into a fic!(Hopefully it will be on Ao3 soon) It's just chock full o' headcanons! Buckle in because this gonna be a long ass post and I rant about things a LOT

Main little headcanons for the pairs.

◇ Clyde and Winfrey are 100% gay and no one can tell me otherwise.

◇ Simon is like an owner to The Flock, Simon is also teaching The Flock how to actually speak.

◇ Klaus is slightly abusive towards Jack, but he is desperately trying to fix it with Jack's help.

◇ Kause and Jack never actually stay in the same spot, but they will return to an area multiple times.

◇ Because Klause and Jack never stay in one place, they'll sometimes wander into Clyde and Winfrey's territory, because of this, both Clyde and Winfrey will hide if they catch even the slightest smell of their scent.

◇ Klaus and Jack have very impulsive personalities and will often play cruel pranks that often end up in an injury of some kind, this is why Clyde and Winfrey are afraid of them.

◇ The Flock can sometimes be overprotective of Simon, especially if Simon is about to go into hibernation.

◇ Simon will regularly check up on Clyde and Winfrey because I said so.

◇ Winfrey is helping to uncorupt Clyde, and in return Clyde is helping him control his thoughts.

Hibernation periods.

◇ Clyde hibernates between August 3rd and October 31st, while Winfrey hibernates between Febuary 1st and June 4th.

◇ The Flock doesn't hibernate, being a bird and all. Simon hibernates through spring.

◇ Both Jack and Klaus hibernate through the last half of winter and the first half of spring.

Individual Headcanons

.•° Winfrey °•.

◇ Winfrey can actually play the violin, and he's good at it too.

◇ He's constantly second guessing weather it was a good idea to become complete, but Clyde helps him see it as a good thing.

◇ He's overprotective over Clyde despite Clyde telling him that he can handle himself, it's just the size difference really-

◇ Him and Clyde are VERY close. V e r y

.•° Clyde °•.

◇ Clyde is actually kind of insane, and with Wibfrey helping to uncorupt his mind, he's becoming even more so.

◇ If Clyde is harmed enough, Winfrey will wake up from his hibernation and go save him, and vice-versa. They will then go into a month long hibernation together.

◇ Like Winfrey, Clyde can hear the voices of everyone he's consumed, but has learned to tune it out.

◇ He is adept at playing the piano.

.•° Simon °•.

◇ Simon is practically The Flock's owner because of how feral The Flock is.

◇ He won't force his ideology of not consuming humans, he just doesn't want the others to do it when he's around.

◇ He celebrates human holidays, and even invites the other veldigun over to celebrate with him and The Flock.

.•° The Flock °•.

◇ The Flock will attack anyone and anything that gets close to Simon when he's injured, sick, ect.

◇ Since they haven't progressed past the void stage, they're kind of like an octopus, they can fit through tiny spaces.

.•° Jack °•.

◇ Jack rarely talks, only ever talking to Klaus.

◇ He'll do anything Jack tells him to, even if he doesn't want to.

◇ He hunts when Klaus is asleep because he's always used to help Klaus hunt.

◇ He doesn't actually need to eat as much as you'd expect.

.•° Klaus °•.

◇ Klaus is actively trying to fix his abusive behavior towards Jack

◇ Klaus and Jack get into constant prank wars.

◇ He loves messing with Clyde and Winfrey, mostly Clyde though.

Veldigun Headcanons.

◇ Veldigun can actually speak many different languages, but like humans they have to learn it.

◇ They know jackshit about Six, the only thing they know is that they'll show up in their dreams before an event in their lives. (Hibernation and stuff)

◇ They never go into large human towns or cities, they just wait for prey to come to them, or they'll try to lead them away.

Okay I'm done ranting now- I may or may not turn this into a separate ask blog idk man- but I do know that I've kinda lost motivation for my Traumatized Pastra AU-

#doai #dreams of an insomniac #pastra #pastraspec #My Ao3 is GingerNobody btw-

[harostar]

A second look

Rambling time, kiddies.

Anyway, I was watching people discuss about Chainsaw Man anime and how “wow that is creepy/problematic that Denji is a kid and adult women are hitting on him” and I had to bite my tongue from going YES YES that is the actual point!!

So much of the early series is viewed completely different, through the knowledge of later revelations. Understanding how so much of it is based on Denji’s UTTER LACK of awareness of what is and is not normal, as well as Makima’s very intentional manipulation of the social cycle around him.

Makima is a sexual predator, using her feminine wiles and her POWERS to manipulate not just Denji but pretty much every other person around her. Aki’s crush is hinted this early on to be strange, in that he can’t explain it and his long-time partner seems put-off by it. We ignore it because Himeno is ALSO kind of sus, sexually pursuing younger men (and women!) as a coping mechanism for her intense psychological problems.

Himeno talking Denji home and offering him sex, even after learning he’s 16, is SUPPOSED to be shady. It’s supposed to be a red flag, both of the things being set up around him and the toxic behavior of the people around him. 

It makes us ignore how Himeno knows something is up with Makima, how she’s aware that Aki’s sudden feelings are out of place. (Because they are, because he’s one of MANY people that have been re-programmed to adore Makima so she can use them.)

During the final arc, we explicitly see that Makima does the same thing with the other “Human Weapons” she has been collecting. She’s altered their memories, making them feel indebted to her AND added romantic feelings in several of them. 

Ironically, the one person that seems genuine in terms of Denji ends up being Reze. You know.....the girl that was raised as an assassin, that was sent to seduce and kill him. Like Denji, she’s a Human Weapon that has never known a normal life and longs for that experience. She finds a kindred spirit in Denji, and ultimately tries to ACTUALLY run away with him. (I wonder how long before we see her again, since like Denji she is basically immortal?)

But basically.....YES. Yes, things are sus with the grown women and their behavior towards Clueless Horny Teen Denji. That’s the entire point. 

Denji is an abused kid, that grew up in absolute poverty, being taken advantage of and used by literal criminals. 

#chainsaw man #csm #chainsaw man spoiilers

[insipid-drivel]

DID vs. PTSD: A Surprising Showdown

After spending months basically going door to door looking for a therapist, I finally met one that's taken a particular interest in the way my PTSD and DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder, aka "multiple personalities") fight against one another rather than compound on one another.

It all started today when I was feeling generally Angry about some bad memories I had stewing in my head from the days when I was still in my abusive biological father's custody. You don't get DID without an element of abuse or neglect at a young age, so it's not a big shock to hear folks/systems talk casually about a traumatic event. Mine comes largely from my biological father, who I very seriously refer to as a psychopath. After many years of describing him to mental health professionals across different focuses in my own journey toward finding the right doctor, "psychopathy" is a word I've heard used a lot by them in response. This isn't to say all psychopaths are bad people or inherently abusive. I just happened to be stuck with one that was.

Like a lot of people with PTSD, there are days or moments where my head feels stuck in a particular moment, and it's hard to shake off the negative emotions that result. I've done enough work that I can generally make progress in pulling myself out of ruts like that if I have an opportunity to talk through exactly what's going on in my mind. I mentioned to my therapist that I often sink into my DID and embrace my alter personalities for help in wiggling loose from the cycle of memory and emotion. It's a very natural behavior for me, because many of my memories that took extensive work to recover were a result of my alters "returning" them to me. Memories of dissociative events aren't entirely lost to my brain, and are instead stored by the personality/ies that were in the forefront of my consciousness at the time an event occurred. With enough work learning how to communicate and negotiate a symbiotic relationship with them, they gradually began "giving back" the memories to me.

My therapist stopped me at this point. We were on a video call, and I could see she was intrigued and perplexed at the same time. She asked me, "Can't you ask for your memories back since you learned to speak back and forth with them?" (For context, I didn't learn how to talk freely with my alters until I was about 28. Before then, the little buggers were very stealthy and hiding as the characters from books I'd written)

"I can," I said, but I had to qualify it. "They don't always agree to do it."

I'm used to the jot of concern that comes on any therapist's face when they're first learning about how my DID ticks. At first blush, some of our "protocols" seem restrictive and on the edge of giving them too much control. I personally welcome the system and was part of its construction, because when you have people in your head that can take your body for a walk on a whim, forming positive relationships built on trust and firmly-established boundaries keeps everyone feeling like they've got an equal space to work from.

So, she asked, "What happens when they're not sure if you're ready to remember something?" - A great question, by the way, because we're not flawless. My Team, as I prefer to call them, aren't perfect. Quite a few of them struggle with basic etiquette like wearing pants. Plus, making it a rule that they're capable of flaws keeps things interesting and promotes growth and communication, in my experience.

"I'm given options," I said in return. "I can either remember through a dream. If the memory is too intense, the dream can be trashed and forgotten before I wake up. It subverts a lot of the damage of letting the flashback play out completely." I'll wake up feeling distraught and upset, but the finer details of the memory will be completely gone. It kind of feels like my Team is able to quickly reset my brain to its most recent previous version in the event of a mistake like that.

She nodded along while I continued. "The other option is to remember while awake, but the memory is altered by the personality that remembers it. Instead of remembering as though it's happening all over again, the memory will be tweaked so the other personality is physically present and capable of intervening or speaking through the memory, and even outright changing what happens in it."

This is where my therapist's interest reached its most piqued. I'd used a real example where my biological father had attempted to harm me in response for something I'd said back to him. It was one of the more intense moments that I'd ever dissociated and switched personalities with my Enforcer. I dissociated from the event so intensely that she was able to manifest more strength than normal and seriously injured my biological father. He wound up in the hospital getting emergency surgery, and I remembered none of it.

My therapist began to explain a form of memory regression therapy that utilized similar tools, except the imaginary helpers were usually real people, such as loved ones and friends. Through this therapy, the survivor could reenact a traumatic moment while experiencing the sense of support and protection provided by the volunteers.

"It's like your alters have learned how to do that organically to help you heal," she concluded, looking off in the mid-distance while she fiddled with her glasses. I pointed out that what I'd just described was why I wasn't going to her for help with my Team or my DID.

She asked me one final question before our session came to a close. "How is it that you got the negative-presenting ones to become positive helpers?"

She was referencing Marchosias, one of my Team that scared the shit out of me throughout my childhood. It's not weird for kids with DID to perceive their alters - especially negatively-tuned or aggressive ones - as paranormal activity. Marchosias was the only one of my alter personalities that actually did physical harm to me - mostly through scratches. Otherwise, I would perceive him as trying to drag me out of bed by my feet at night, shaking my bed, or chasing me down hallways to try and pull me into dark rooms. One of the reasons I became a practicing Druid at 14 was as a coping mechanism for learning how to fight what I thought was a demon.

I explained to her, "I eventually figured out how to see that scary time through his eyes." Alter personalities aren't necessarily born into the world knowing everything (or more) that the brain they're living in knows. Some are confused and need guidance. Others are aggressive and angry because they can sense the stress and trauma of the primary ego, but don't know how to help or make it stop.

I had to talk to him for a long time and ply him with encouragement. Marchosias isn't proud of the way he treated me when we were both surviving. My biological father was a big guy - about 6'3" and always 200lbs+. I'm a small person, and that's when it clicked.

Marchosias was trying to abscond with me, as it were. The rooms he tried to pull me into were ones that my biological father couldn't easily fit into, like a small side bathroom or an honest-to-god closet. The scratch marks I got on occasion were from his clawing attempts to pull me out of where I was to drag me to where I'd be safe, even if that was just under the bed.

He was treating me like an adult trying to take a frightened pet to a vet. I couldn't understand the scope of what he was trying to do, and as far as I could tell some eldritch entity was Trying To Take Me Away, but our relationship underwent a serious mending once I understood that he was trying to take me away from where the trauma was originating from.

All in all, it was a very intriguing session, and further substantiation that DID, systems, alters, teams, multiples, or whichever is your preferred term isn't just a source of dysfunction; it has the power to form abstract methods of healing, too.

#long post #did/osdd #actual did #actual osdd #stuff my therapist says #tw: abuse #ptsd #ptsd recovery