#that boss fight goodness gracious
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In Plain Sight: The Indoctrination of Nathan Bateman
summary: nathan lets you in.
pairing: nathan bateman x f!reader
contents: 18+/nsfw/minors dni, hurt comfort, sad!nathan, illusions to alcoholism, family angst, illusions to child abuse, vulnerable!nathan
wc: 1730
an: we’re back and today’s in plain sight saga lets us into nathan’s brain and background.
in plain sight masterlist | planted | little hamlet
Today starts like every other day for you. Days have melded and melted together since your mother’s death, and so today is like any other. One day at a time, that’s what Nathan had said to do. He’s been good to you. Great to you. So understanding and patient and forgiving as you navigate taking care of your sisters through this rough time. He’s been taking care of you. It’s strange to feel dependent on someone when you’ve been independent for so long.
Its stranger that that person is Nathan— he loves you, sure, he can be romantic and witty and kind. But, how he’s taken care of you over the last 3 months has been selfless, he’s been the most thoughtful person you’ve ever met. And while he had committed to growth as a person to win you over, you couldn’t have said you expected him to be so gracious. It’s a pleasant surprise. An indicator you gave the right man the right chance.
You aren’t just expecting him to wake up ready and willing to pull the weight like he has for these last few months. He’s allowed to be tired, to need space or a break to deal with his own shit and you have no issue with that. But, when you come into work today Nathan is nowhere to be found. The house is eerily quiet.
Your stomach flips a little, the alarm bells ringing in your head. But then you take a deep breath and center yourself, working that anxiety from a 7 to a 4. Because not everything has to be the fight it used to be, not with him by your side. Not with the promises he’s made to you.
Maybe he’s sat in the kitchen too wrapped up in his laptop to have realized what time it is or that you’ve arrived. When you get to the kitchen, you quickly realize that’s not the case. It's empty– clean as always, but empty. You check the coffee maker, it's loaded but not on and brewing like it usually is. You sigh, setting your bag on the dining table, mentally starting to make a game plan on finding him.
He could be many places in this neverending bunker he calls a home. Sometimes you tease him, calling him a princess locked in some ivory tower. It always gets you an eye roll, some whiny smart ass comment, and when he’s feeling particularly vindictive, some intense tickling. Those moments, like most of the moments you have with Nathan, have you ready to pinch yourself in disbelief. Believing the man you now share a life with used to be your grumpy, narcissistic boss is a mindfuck– but you chose to believe it, you choose to believe him because of how surprisingly easy it is to love him.
Turning back towards the counter, you start the coffee maker and head into the living room. You’re not surprised that he isn’t there, he would’ve said something by now. You head downstairs to the offices and work rooms, stopping in your office first. You find it empty.
The trail begins. You pop your head into every lab, ever office, every closet, nook and cranny. And eventually after expanding your search you find Nathan where you least expect him…in bed.
Curled up under his blanket, an unopened bottle of beer sitting on his nightstand. It’s dark, just the light of his alarm clock.
You step into the room, coming to rest on your knees to get a closer look at him. His eyes are open, glassy and obviously red, even in the limited light. You’ve never seen him like this. It’s like he’s seeing a ghost or maybe nothing at all. He doesn’t even move when you wave a hand in front of his face.
“Baby?” You whisper, voice colored with worry.
Nathan blinks, jumping back ever so slightly to sit up like he’s just returned from another dimension. For just a moment, there’s fear in his eyes and then he’s squeezing them shut, clenching his fist together. When his eyes finally meet yours he looks a little more like himself.
“What are you doing down here?” He asks softly, running a hand over his buzzed hair.
“I got in for work and I couldn’t find you.”
“Shit, what fucking time—“ He looks over at the clock, pinching his nose when he sees the time. “Fuck.”
“Nathan, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I lost track of time. Didn’t sleep well. You know the feeling,” Nathan’s tone isn’t unkind or dismissive— it never is anymore, when it comes to you— but it is markedly avoidant.
“Nathan.”
“Honey,” He counters, rising out of bed. He reaches for the beer bottle on his nightstand, and throws it in the trash before start towards his bathroom.
“We don’t do that,” You say, following after him.
He stops just shy of the door, turning around to raise a brow at you, “Do what, honey?”
“Lie.”
“You’re accusing me of lying right now?”
You cross your arms against your chest, and for the first time in a long time, you fix Nathan with that look that initially drew him in. Nonsensical and fiery; confrontational. “I am.”
“I don’t lie. I have no reason to fucking lie.”
“Nathan, get real,” You murmur gently.
“I am real. Would you stop it with the fucking pushing?”
“When…when we first started this, I wanted to hide too. The shit with my mom, with my sisters, all the managing— I didn’t know if you’d still want me if you knew about the massive baggage. But you told me that we’re trying. Trying to be there and trying to love each other the best we can. You’ve done that for me every single day, and even more so since my mom died. I think it’s only fair if you let me do that for you too.”
Nathan looks at you like you’re some foreign object he’s seeing for the first time. Like he’s a lost, terrified puppy who’s finally receiving some care. Maybe it was silly of you to think that because your love was steady that he’d let go, that he’d open up completely. But you want him to, want him to feel utterly safe, to show you all the sides of him. That side that’s looking at you right now, skittish and broken. You love him regardless. It’s your turn to remind him of that, if he’ll let you.
“Say something. Anything,” You murmur quietly, reaching out to lace your fingers together.
His gaze falls to where your hands meet, and then he sits heavily on the bed, pulling you with him.
After a noticeable silence, several harsh breaths from him, like he’s trying to find the air to find the words he says, “Today…I fucking hate today.”
“Yeah? Tell me why it sucks, baby.”
“I don’t—honey, I don’t really…it’s their anniversary. My parents. The Batemans,” He frowns, his voice laced with disgust.
“They weren’t good to you.”
“No, they weren’t. The only person who’s ever been good to me, is me. Until I met you,” He adds, his mouth curling up in a smile.
You squeeze his hand, resting your head on his shoulder. “Why their anniversary?”
“Fuck, sweetheart, really?”
“I just want to understand you. Let me carry it with you, Nathan. You’ve done it alone long enough don’t you think?”
“Alright,” He says, his voice much harder than he means for it to be. He clears his throat, squeezes your hand in apology, and repeats, “Alright. I’m a fucking pipsqueak. I mean small, tiny, maybe like 6 or 7. It’s their anniversary and like a fucking chump, I make them a card. It takes all day. All fucking day, honey and I—“
“You what?” You encourage him gently.
“I was so fucking excited. Buzzing with it. Vibrating. Used their favorite colors, drew us all together like we were one big happy fucking family. And when I…when I gave it to them...” Nathan trails off, shaking his head. He leans further into you, desperate for some safety, some warmth so that he can keep going. Keep showing you like you want.
“They’re scum, I mean who talks to a fucking kid like that? It wasn’t fucking Picasso so it was trash. They shit all over it and I…from that day on it was like I decided to be the bigger asshole. I had to hate them more than they hated me.”
“You deserve so much better than that Nathan. Then and now, and every moment in between. I’m sorry, baby.”
“Yeah, I don’t know,” He shrugs, running a hand over his face.
You reach for it, pushing it away so that you can cup his jaw, turn his gaze towards yours. “Then I’ll know for us. You trust me don’t you?”
Nathan’s eyes are misty, and you can tell that he’s fighting to hold his tears in. He nods, smiles a little, “With the codes to the nukes, baby.”
“Then trust me with your heart too. I promise I’ll always cherish it.”
“God, you—you’re out of this fucking world.”
“Yeah, I love you too,” You tease with a grin.
“I was gonna say that. Where’s that patience you hound me about?” He asks, pulling you into his lap so that you’re straddling him. His hands rub at your hips tenderly, reverently.
“Misplaced,” You quip, looping your arms around his neck. “Will you do something for me?”
“Anything.”
“For my birthday…make me a card?”
“Honey—“
You lean in, eyes wide and round, pressing your mouth against his as you murmur, “Please? I want it. It’s the only thing I want…well cake.”
“Don’t forget obedience.”
“You’ll give that to me anyway. Please, Nathan?”
He knows that the moment you want something, if its in his power, it’s yours. And Nathan can certainly make you a card with his bare hands. It’s one of the easiest, smallest things you’ve ever asked him for.
“Alright, fine, sure thing.”
“Do you have crayons?”
He laughs. “Do I look like a guy who owns fucking crayons?”
“We’re going to Michael’s— get dressed.”
“You’re pushing it.”
“It’s what I do. Showered, dressed. I’ll make some breakfast.”
“Hey,” He calls after you, reaching for your hand as you turn to walk away.
“Mhmm?”
“I love you,” He says firmly, bringing your hand up to his mouth.
“Ditto, baby.”
nathan taglist: @missdictatorme, @runa-falls, @campingwiththecharmings, @toracainz, @steven-grants-world, @clemdango04, @jdbxws, @crispysublimecupcake, @sub-aro, @faretheeoscar, @cupidysm, @whentheskyispinkandabitblue, @nova-ivy541, @sparkypantelones, @veritable-trash, @mangoslushcrush, @thhriller, @tenderhornynihilist, @queerponcho, @redcake333, @reallyrallyauthor
#nathan bateman x reader#nathan bateman x f!reader#nathan bateman x fem!reader#nathan bateman x you#nathan bateman#nathan bateman fanfiction#ex machina fanfiction#in plain sight#x reader
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the information these anons are referencing comes from a dev interview from 2018, aka its basically word of god, not from an in-universe source.
"When Salmonids are willing to fight to the death, they feel a sense of unity with themselves and the world, and their spirits are lifted. Being eaten by other creatures makes them one with the world, and fighting for their clan's pride is something that’s equally precious in their sense of values." that's a direct quote from the director of both splatoon and splatoon 2, yusuke amano.
if you'd like a direct source for the interview, you can find a translation of it in the linked sources on the page for salmonids on the splatoon wiki. should be the 6th one down.
Discussion questions:
1. calling information "word of god" does not make it accessable to characters within the universe. There is still the question of "do they know this?" "how much of this do they know?" "who is telling them this and does this person have ulterior motives in presenting this information?"
2. The game makes you the bad guy on purpose. Especially proceeding Octo Expansion, you are literally playing as the oppressor race that came out on top of a race war.
Octolings are treated as evil and gross by hero characters in the game in different story mode adventures. They're the bad guys. Even now, integrated among the inklings, octolings are still "othered" in tiny ways. Inkfish sybolism is squid shaped by default, rather than octolings. Phones, chargers, badges, stickers, logos, inklings are "default" and octolings are the "other".
Racism and classicism are huge themes in the game and the game isnt afraid to surround you with characters who uphold these divides and make you say for yourself "this is weird. this is wrong."
The ongoing racism against Octolings isn't brought up directly, but you see it, right?
So. Salmonids. They're the bad guys, right? They attack the city sometimes, even though we, gracious inkfish, help them fulfil their death rituals, and for that they must be kept at bay.
Its good for us too! We make money, we save the city, we get food. No idea what our boss is doing with the eggs we collect but its no matter! Its part of nature! The Salmonids like it! Why, it's even in the art book!
.
I get it. It's a kids game. You play salmon run for the first time and youre like "whoa! this is shady! this is weird! is this allowed?" but like it's a kids game. They wouldn't let you play "innocent blood on your hands" for money and funny hats, right?
but they do. its a running theme.
of course they have an in-universe explanation for why its okay. They're deceiving you on purpose. They're trying to make you think. They've spelled out so obviously that this is wrong but they havent said it outright and it seems like to so many people that just means it isnt wrong at all.
Turns out eating people is bad. I, like this funny squid game for kids, have tried to say my point every way except to tell you directly, and like the game, you're comforted by someone, anyone, telling you its fine.
Eating people is bad! The treatment of Octolings in the games are bad! The classist and consumerist society the inkfish have built is bad! And thats fine! It's a fun world to explore, horrible roots and all.
But yeah. Back to the same thing I've been repeating 5 asks in a row.
3. Say all that you said is true and universally understood in universe, does that make eating salmonids okay?
Answer: No. It doesn't.
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my stupid ass accidentally hit unfollow instead of ask button -_- ANGYWAYS like what is UP with c.Cemelo? Camelo>?i forgot how to spell his name the second i looked away from it THE MUTLICOLORED MENTALLY ILL GUYthag one. i have so many questions about him like why is he a freak (lovingly). why is his relationship with the big guy so inasne liek whats theier deal. im so interested (props my chin up in my hands and smiles suuuper wide) i would love to hear about them if u wanna talk about them PEACE ✌ (i mean all this genuiinely btw)
HIS NAEM CHAMELO it’s just Chameleon but also Camilo. I hope that helps..you got it close in the second try. the first one is like cementHe was forced to eat cement at 6. I'm probably going to switch around with his nicknames and name a lot (Chamy, Melo) out of habit sorry if its confusing
ANYWAYS. I'M REALLY GLAD YOU ASKED HI ok. LOTS of words soooo undah da cut they go. Also sorry if a lot of this does Not make sense trust me I don't make sense to myself sometimes
He is a freak because I really like characters like him. He's basically how my thought process works so that probably also means you're calling me a freak too(Lighthearted)
He is horrifically anxious and has got anger issues and is just real irritable in general (And probably more things.?). He has trouble dealing with his own emotions because they're often so extreme, so he does things on impulse despite overthinking a lot. He sorta contradicts himself in his thoughts and feelings and actions. Idk he's weird. Doesn't always know what he wants and has a tough time with communication. Him changing colors involuntarily depending on his mood doesn't help either if the person he's talking to knows which colors go with what feeling. He tries his hardest to hide his emotions when he wants to whether it be angry, nervous, sad, even happy, but he also knows he'll always have a dead giveaway if he feels anything ever.
(Note: Optional reading in this next part I ended up rambling↓)
I do worry about him getting so worked up because I don't want people to think that I think feeling emotions is dumb or whatever because I tend to like. Make him accidentally funny or play it off as a joke. And then I remember he feels like I do so I don't care if people get mad at me for having a character that gets upset or jumps to conclusions over little things or has a lot of inner monologue that's just freaking out because I do that a lot too. I like when I can relate to characters, I like to put things about me in my characters. People have told me that a lot of my characters have very real personalities (I LOVE WRITING PERSONALITIES) so I think I'm okay. It makes me feel extra happy when people tell me they can relate too. A lot of that didn't explain anything about him actually sorry lawl they call me the rambler
Okey anyways
About him and Diesel (da big guy)....
I don't even know where to start with them goodness gracious they're a mess. I guess when they first met. Chamy got a new job at the stupid dumb pizza place that Diesel had already been working at for a while despite almost Never showing up for (Their boss, Sharlotte, doesn't even give a darn and thinks of Diesel as a "son she never had" so he gets away with a lot). Diesel noticed Melo was new and because he is like a big cartoon bully of course he messes with Chamelo, mainly by stealing his beloved motor scooter thing.
Diesel made sure Chamy saw that he stole it, he wanted Chamelo to see him. If he wanted Melo to try to get back at him, it worked. When he finally caught Diesel with his scooter, Chamelo lunged at him like a rabid animal and they started fighting over it. Of course, Chamelo won through sheer rage and took back his scooter and Diesel hasn't taken it since then, but Melo has to let him drive it whenever they're delivering together (Because Sharlotte thought it was a genius decision to partner him up with Diesel because she thought Chamelo would die).
Chamelo holds a grudge against Diesel over that whole situation, but now he just finds himself instigating a fight with him for literally no reason (There is a reason it is because he is Gay and a Freak).
He then eventually realizes he is Madly In Love with that chimaera guy and has a meltdown about it and can't tell ANYONE or he will DIE!!!!!! And so he becomes incredibly awkward and even more annoying around Diesel
Asker (his friend he doesn't know is his friend) questions him about Diesel because they notice him being weird about him and they find out he likes him but they don't really care but one time they told Diesel that Melo is kind of a freak about him and then Chamelo punched them in the face (I drew it in [this post] except it's in inklish because I thought it was stupid it's sandwiched between a bunch of other drawings sorry. I still think it's funny though)
Umm yeah Chamelo is hopelessly in love and is quite scared about it because he's never felt actual romantic love before with another fish, only his scooter(bc. objectum...). He doesn't know how to deal with his feelings! It's like, a weird mix of hatred and yearning. So like. A hate-love. He wants to keep hating Diesel, he doesn't want to get attached to him but he already is..!! He feels like he's supposed to hate him, Chamy doesn't know what he even likes about Diesel. He wants to stop feeling like this but he doesn't want to at the same time, if that makes sense. He tries to tell himself it's a passing feeling or anything that isn't being in love.
He's scared of what could happen if they ever do end up together, that he might stop being in love and maybe it was just a passing feeling after all, and he's frustrated at the thought of Diesel never knowing about how he really feels. He doesn't know what to do about this, and most likely won't for a while. It's painful and overwhelming for him both physically and emotionally :'(
Diesel still I guess bullies Chamelo sometimes but that is just because he always does that and doesn't know anything about himself 🤣🤣😂😂AAAHHHH AAAAGHHH AHHHHHH AHHH AHHsorry. He is bisexual. He does not know that. He also shows up to work more because of Chamelo. But he also didn't realize that until they had a short one-sided conversation on Squidmas [see here].
Diesel is taking longer than Chamelo to realize he likes him, and honestly I cannot imagine a world where Diesel actually reciprocates feelings. I don't want to say he will but I don't want to say he won't. I don't know how to describe it. Something just happens I guess lol. I'll figure it out
Since then, they've been oh-so-painfully-slowly warming up to each other, still getting mad at one another, still yelling, still fighting, still absolutely Hating the other's existence...but hey...they're together more because they want to be.........AAAGHHHHHHH isn't fighting so intimate😍THEY HAVE TO STOPPPP sorry .Sorry. I'm really normal about their horrendously weird relationship that is taking Forever to get better. It's like slow-burn if you put it at 0.5x speed. Also I wouldn't call them enemies to lovers, they aren't exactly enemies nor are they lovers later That doesn't make sense but I wouldn't know how to explain it. Swagever.
At some point Sharlotte's car and a modded trizooka have to do with them (along with a couple older ocs of mine) but that doesn't really have anything to do with right now. A lot of my drawings of the two are out of order because I'm impatient lol. I want to try to not go through like. arcs? so quickly because 1. I fear the day I run out of ideas and 2. Everything has to end and I don't like the idea of finishing all of my splatoon's lives but luckily splatoon happens in real time so I have a lot of years to go if I'm That determined about my guys LOL Sorry unrelated
TL;DR Diesel and Chamelo's relationship is so complex and stupid it is almost entirely beyond my own comprehension. They hate each other so much that they want to be with each other.
Okay that's all I could think of. A Billion Thankies for asking me about them... Apologies if you didn't really need all of That for me to explain. I like to explain things ❤
#jfc. Sorry that is a ton of words i kept having to reread everything a million times if i got something wrong or missed anything well.#then i will die forever#It is currently 2 am this took me a While. Ok goodnight#ask#chamelo fláje#diesel fintasma
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Rawr! XD: sun x moon x monty
noticed monty roars right before his boss fight and saw a pic of a dinosaur with text like ‘“RAWR!” (that means i love you in dinosaur)’; prompt i thought of in the discord
he’s strumming lovesong (the way) by charlie burg
monty demonstrates his bilingual skills to sun and moon
story under the read more
Rawr! XD (also on ao3)
Monty strummed his bass, humming the lyrics to a song one of the staff had showed him yesterday. He was spending the day with Sun and Moon while the plex was getting deep cleaned, since Superstar Daycare was one of the last places on the list.
Well, mostly Sun at the moment, Moon’s AI was taking a nap in their shared headspace.
Monty stopped playing to nudge the other with his elbow.
“Hey, Sun.”
“Yeeeeeeees?~” Sun lilted, rotated his head to look at the gator so he wouldn’t have to from his comfortable position.
Monty cleared his voicebox and drew in a deep ‘breath’.
“Mon-?”
“GRAAAAAAAAAAWWWRRRR!!!”
“GOODNESS GRACIOUS!”
Sun swayed, disoriented from the sudden sound; auditory processors ringing.
“What the Faz is going on?!?” Moon yelled. His nap had been rudely interrupted by whatever the heck just happened and he demanded to know why!
Oblivious to their confusion, Monty grinned at the floor and scratched his cheek with a claw, the end of his tail twitching as he tried to hold back from wagging it full force.
“That means ‘I love you’ in gator,” he said, awkwardly. “Made it extra loud so Moonie could hear it too.”
Well gosh, they couldn’t be mad at him now.
“Aaawwww, Gummy. C’mere, you!”
Sun held the gator’s cheeks to turn his head towards them and pressed their faceplate against his snoot, and then all over his face.
“Mwuah! Mwuah! Mwuah!”
Monty laughed, trying to break out of the Daycare Attendant’s hold.
“Nooooo!”
“We love you too, silly.”
“Bleh, gross!”
Monty jokingly rolled his eyes and lightly bunted his snoot agains Sun’s faceplate in retaliation.
“Ho ho ho!”
The two settled back down and Monty started strumming again.
...
“Y’know you’ll have to do it again once Moonie takes over so it’s fair, right?”
The bassist slid down until he was on his back and rolled over so he was face down on the floor cushions, groaning in embarrassment while Sun chuckled above him.
An hour later the lights turned off, and a staff member passing by the Daycare almost had a heart attack at the loud roar from inside.
BONUS:
monty doesn’t get how the DA’s ‘sharing a body/ mindspace’ works so he roared extra loud to make sure moon would feel included
moon is grumpy from being woken up but forgives him and, once he’s in control of the body, asks that monty give a little warning next time
sun and moon can’t really roar back; when they try, it comes out kinda weak or sounds more like they’re saying the word ‘rawr!’ out loud vs actually doing it
it’s rlly silly tho cuz sometimes monty and the DA will hang out and either sun or moon will like, nudge monty’s hand and say a tiny ‘rawr!’
and he’ll laugh and wag his tail so hard that if a kid were nearby they’d be flying if they got hit
#my words#my fanfic#fanfiction#shapeshiftinterest#games#five nights at freddy's#fnaf#montgomery gator#monty#sun#sundrop#moon#moondrop#glittergolf#LGBTQA#rawr! means i love you#kisses#robots#alligators#animals
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i think the assumption that Megumu is an abusive, neglectful boss is kind of generally accepted by english speaking fans (from what i've personally seen) but there's some nuance that should be taken into consideration imo.
1. the daitengu are stated to very rarely ever give orders for their own personal self-interest. they work for the sake of tengu society's progress.
2. Aya is notorious for stretching the truth and exaggerating facts, so while she DOES have valid criticisms of tengu society, she never mentions things like actual abuse (and it would definitely be something she'd bring up if it were happening).
3. Megumu... isn't mean? i don't know where people get the impression that she's mean. she personally checks in on Marisa after UM out of concern for her well-being, worries about Tsukasa getting her ass kicked and fights the protags in her place, and almost causes an incident just to do something nice for Chimata in LE! she's also surprisingly gracious toward the protags in UM considering how territorial the tengu are.
i'm not saying that Megumu is a paragon of kindness or a perfect boss because she most definitely is not! she initially used Chimata just to make a profit for the tengu, and Aya/Hatate/Momiji aren't complaining over nothing. also in that same MeguChima LE chapter, we're shown that Aya is at the mercy of their hierarchy and can't do anything that would go against the grain of tengu society. Megumu, for all her gallantry, is still a slimy opportunist too (her whole speech about controlling the media was kinda Deranged!).
but i think it's a reach to say that Megumu goes out of her way to be cruel to her own subordinates, because that would completely contradict her role as a daitengu. at most, i think it's reasonable to assume that Megumu doesn't always listen to the other tengu (hence AyaHataMomi's grievances) and is more of a "for the greater good" type of person, even if it's at the cost of individuals' comforts.
tl;dr yes Megumu is a shithead, but to an extent!
#basically megumu is terrible but she's also The Ideal Sugar Mommy#also 18.5 describes her as a festival lover so it's fun to imagine she's a total party animal
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miss congeniality in my stranger things au graphic series
Over the years, Robin has worked stupidly hard to get as far as she has in the FBI. Her skills as a codebreaker were carefully honed, her fluency in now five different languages was hard-won, and it was no easy feat learning how to wrestle her stubbornly uncoordinated body into fighting shape so that she could throw a punch as good as the rest of the recruits. So when she botches the Russian op and finds herself yanked out of the field and plopped squarely on Assistant Director Hopper’s shit list, she’s desperate to make things right — not least of all because Steve has been put on the Miss United States case. Without her.
Everyone at the office knows that Robin and Steve are a matched set. They’re partners. They do everything together. So when Hopper explicitly bans her from the task force, well, she and Steve both know they’ll find a way around it. It’s a fascinating case, after all. Domestic terrorist threats. A big flashy pageant. And, of course, approximately 50 drop-dead gorgeous beauty queens to go with it. So when Robin comes up with the idea to send an undercover in as one of the contestants, she’s almost certain it’ll be enough to get her back in her boss’s good graces. Only, the thing is, she didn’t anticipate that she’d somehow be the sole eligible agent.
There’s really just… no universe in which Robin can pull this off, no matter how convinced Steve is that she’s the right person (the only person available with the right gender) for the job. He really thinks she can do it, and maybe she should give that more weight considering he’s the sole reason she passed her field test in the first place, but the idea of Robin as a graceful, gracious pageant queen who has the perfect, pretty words for all manner of intrusive interview questions is — well, it’s laughable. Robin literally laughed out loud when Steve first suggested it.
But now she’s here, all waxed and plucked and polished and wrapped in some pastel monstrosity of a skirt suit being shepherded onto a bus by pageant director Martin Brenner, and Robin finds that it’s not all bad when sweet little Miss Indiana sits down next to her. It doesn’t take long, however, for Steve to reveal that the very same Chrissy Cunningham — Chrissy “All You Need Is A Light Jacket” Fucking Cunningham — is their best suspect. And he’s insisting that Robin question her.
So Robin takes Chrissy and the other girls out. Robin gets Chrissy and the other girls drunk. And Robin asks Chrissy if she’s ever committed a crime — and is met with Miss Indiana’s enormous eyes, shining and sad, as Chrissy admits in the guiltiest of voices to stealing a pair of red underwear from the mall that her mother called satan’s panties. (And, for the record, Robin had not found that any more adorable or insanely sexy than was strictly professional given their circumstances, because Robin is good at her job. But god.)
It’s just — it’s not her. There’s literally no chance that sweet little Miss Indiana is the same person threatening to blow up the Miss United States pageant and the women in it. And Hopper finally gives in and agrees when he announces that the Citizen has been caught, the threat negated, and that it’s time for Robin to drop out of the pageant. But Robin doesn’t think that’s right, either. She has a bad feeling that it’s not over yet. But sticking it out might mean she does it alone. Alone alone, without even Steve by her side. And it might mean that when her work at the pageant is done, she doesn’t have any other work to go back to.
ft. robin as gracie hart, chrissy as cheryl frasier/miss rhode island, steve as eric matthews, hopper as assistant director mcdonald, brenner as kathy morningside, henry creel as frank tobin, murray as victor melling, owens as stan fields, nancy as mary jo wright/miss texas, tammy as leslie davis/miss california, carol as alana krewson/miss hawaii, vickie as karen krantz/miss new york
#buckingham#robin x chrissy#chrissy x robin#robin buckley#chrissy cunningham#stranger things#stranger things au#miss congeniality au#did i make miss congeniality gay or is miss congeniality just gay#dont ask me ask urself that#anyway#steve harrington#he's also here and i love him#platonic stobin#stranger things miss congeniality au#stranger things au series#my au graphics#my graphics
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Chapter 1
John Watson, first year resident doctor, just started his first night shift in the emergency room when young police officer (& his roommate) Greg Lestrade was pushed out of an ambulance.
Lestrade was fine, the guy he was sitting on (& doing chest compressions) wasn’t
“23, male. Drug overdose. Cocaine, maybe something else. I’ve been doing compressions for five minutes now, he arrested in the car” the officer told John, who pushed the ambulance gurney into the trauma room while one of the paramedics gave a brief report to the nurse and leading trauma doctor, the other paramedic followed shortly after, though he didn’t look okay himself. He had a blue ring around his left eye and his check was bright red. Another nurse took the paramedic with her, probably tending to his injuries.
The emergency room team entered the room and John, who wasn’t as familiar with their routine, stepped to the side to give them space to work.
“Watson, get the officer some coffee and get his statement” on of the nurses told John while Lestrade got down from the gurney
“He’s seizing. push 5 lorazepam” the doctor yelled at the same time.
For the first time since they came in, John really looked at the patient. It was a young man, probably younger than him, his dark curls jumping up and down while his head twitched from the seizure and the medical staff turned him onto his side.
He was dressed in something what looked like it used to be a quite expensive, good looking suit. It was ripped on the shoulders, stained with different kinds of bodily fluids and looked to big on the young man.
“Come on Greg, let’s get you cleaned up and get some caffeine in you” the young man had blood on his hands and face and looked like he’d been up on his feed for 48 hours straight.
John took Greg to the mans changing rooms and got him some scrubs, since his police uniform was also covered in blood, while the police officer took a shower, changing into clean underwear John kept in his locker. The men were living in a shared flat, about the same height and weight, so it wasn’t the first time someone (accidentally) wore the other ones clothes.
John has been working in the hospital for the whole of his medical school time and so he learned to keep a spare of underwear, socks and outside clothes, just in case.
Then they went to the nurses station, got some coffee (the nurses where gracious with their coffee machine and chocolate) and sat down so John could write his report. He usually hated writing reports but since he had just started his first shift in the er, hadn’t gotten a tour or learned the routine, this was the only way he’d be helpful towards the situation.
“Greg, what happened? Since when do you bring in junkies?“ he asked his friend
“I don’t. Well, not usually. Remember that kid I told you about? The one who sometimes showed up at crime scenes, wanting to ‘help’, claiming he knew what happened? Well my boss was really annoyed by him so they usually had him removed from crime scenes. Me and a colleague were called to some kind of neighborhood feud in one of those shady areas you know. There was a fight, we arrested someone, suddenly the kid showed up. Claimed he knew someone got murdered here. Before he could explain to us why he thought so, the guy collapsed and hit his head. His pulse was really weak and he was bleeding from his head, so my mate and I called an ambulance. When they wanted to tend to the wound, he punched the medic, so i got in with them and helped hold himself still. Well, five minutes out and his heart stopped. one guy was driving, the other was busy finding a vein, have i told you the kids a junkie? Well figures it was difficult, so i started chest compressions.” John saw the emotional strain on his friends face.
“You know him, don’t you?” John asked.
“Yes, I do. Remember that bloke I had a crush on in high school? It’s his little brother. He was always a bit odd, brilliant, not many friends, his nose always in a murder mystery book. A few months ago I met him again when he showed up at the police station. Don’t know if or what he does for work. But I know he is familiar with cocaine and other drugs.. Makes me sad for the little boy i knew, you know?“ Greg took a deep breath and sipped from his coffee.
John felt a lump in his throat. Seeing someone he knew from childhood years taking apart by a drug, he knew the feeling.
“So you’re saying that kid wants to help the police solve crimes while he suffers from substance abuse?”
“Yep. He got arrested once for possession of illegal substances and talked the officers into letting him go. Don’t know how he did it. He’s not really popular on the force, he usually a bit of a smart arse. Still don’t want him to die tho. Hope he pulls through” Greg tried to smile but John could see the situation was lot for his friend.
“Was this your first time performing CPR?”, he asked, remembering his first time. It was a morning shift, he couldn’t sleep for days after. Greg nodded and stared into his coffee cup. “I can call a counselor, if you want. Or a cab, if you just want to get home and talk to someone from your work later?”, he offered.
“I think, I just need to get some sleep. Maybe talk to our counselor tomorrow”, Lestrade finished his coffee and got up. “Could you do me a favour?”
John didn’t know what favour, but he said “yes” anyway.
“Could you check on the kid later? See how he is? And inform his brother? He hasn’t got any other family, the parents died. Here’s his number“, the police officer took a business card out of his wallet and handed it to John. It read „Mycroft Holmes, assistant to the Prime Minister“ and had a phone number on it.
„You carry his number?“ John asked with a wink but didn’t push the matter any further. He knew this to be a very delicate matter in the police officers life. „I‘ll check on him and inform his brother. And I will let you know later. Since you brought him in, I think I can make this exception to the rules of confidentiality“. He accompanied his friend to the taxi bay outside the hospital, made sure he got into on and went back inside to finish his report and phone the brother, since he was next of (& only) kin.
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“please look at me.” “is he really just a friend?” part 2 stripper reader lets gooo
Sex Worker!Reader/Jason Masterlist
A/N: this is probably not what you imagined for this prompt but it is what it is ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
C/W: reader is strangled
All at once, you’re unceremoniously shoved into Tomas’ office. His guards bolt the door behind you and stand tall on the other side, casting shadows through the obscured glass. It promptly incites fear in you.
You try to right yourself as you look at your boss. It’s hard to maintain eye contact with someone who radiates violence—whose face sports a scowl no matter his temperament. You slink into quietude, feeling utterly exposed in your threadbare costume.
His lips smack as he twirls around on the chair. His eyes don’t land on you immediately; instead, he starts the performance by letting them float over the room first.
He calls you by your stage name, the one he gave you himself, effectively erasing your previous identity. “Do you know why I asked you here?”
You try not to swallow visibly. “No.” Hoping to maintain your cool, you offer, “Would you like to preview my set for tonight?”
Tomas’ tongue clicks. “Not now,” he says. He stands then, and you have to hold in a flinch. “I want to discuss a customer.”
“Who?” comes your soft response, even though you already know. You try to reign in the new wave of fear that threatens to flood your nervous system. Upsetting Tomas rarely ends well.
He rounds the table slowly, prowling closer. “A certain vigilante seems to have taken a liking to you,” is all he says.
“I guess so,” you murmur.
He continues on as if you’ve said nothing, “He rarely wants a dance. Only to talk.”
Cautiously, you nod. “He’s lonely,” you say. It might be true, but you’re the lonelier one.
His gaze flicks to yours, a predatory glint to it. Your heart drops as you realise you’ve stumbled into dangerous territory.
“Is he?” You don’t answer as he stalks towards you. “Does he think you’re friends?” His words are gruff and lined with ill-intent.
“Of course not,” you manage.
You don’t fight when Tomas grabs your throat. His fingers dig into skin harshly.
“Are you friends?” he taunts, wanting to pull a reaction from you, wanting the thrill of smothering your hope.
“No—”
“Is he planning to save his damsel in distress?”
“N—o—!” you try to argue, although his hand tightens around your neck, cutting off your ability to talk.
“You owe me a debt,” he reminds you. “Did you forget I saved you?”
You choke on your next, “No.”
Darkly, he says, “You know what happens to those who don’t repay me.”
You nod vigorously as if it’ll shake your vision free of the spots.
It’s abrupt when he lets go. “Good,” he says smoothly like he didn’t just strangle you. Tomas walks back to his desk. “Keep the money coming and you’ll be in the black soon enough.”
It’s a lie. No one leaves unless it’s with a bullet in their back or between their eyes.
But you give a gracious farewell as you scurry out.
A helmet-less Red Hood slumps into the worn out couch beside you. You don’t turn to look, too emotionally exhausted to move in the slightest. You haven’t even touched the stash of coke that’s downstairs. It couldn’t fix what had settled in your bones anyway.
Silence sits between you as you simply bask in the crisp air and the pitiful view. Out here on the rooftop—and only late at night—is the only reprieve you have access to. In the brighter afternoons, it’s home to the other girls as they ready themselves for the work that awaits them in the dark.
With a sigh, your head tips backwards.
Jason spots the fresh bruises quickly. Quietly, he asks, “What happened?”
You eye him casually. “You hang around too much, apparently.”
He frowns at that. He would’ve thought the money he oh so charitably donates would get him a pass. “You want me to come ‘round less?”
“No,” you rush, fearing desolation; that it would snap the last thread within you. “Tomas will find another reason to punish me for the lost revenue.”
He doesn’t feel better. Vengeance simmers in his veins.
Instead, he lets his knee fall against yours so you know he’s there to lend an ear if nothing else.
“Where would you be,” you begin, “if you didn’t feel a sense of duty to the city?”
Jason glances at you as he considers it. “I’ve never known anything else.”
You elbow him. “Use that brain of yours.”
His mouth twists wryly. “I don’t know. Somewhere that sees the sun more than once a month?”
You hum in agreement. “That would be nice.”
It’s a few more minutes before he speaks again. “Do you have a plan? For… after?”
“No.”
He scratches his jaw as he takes a long look at the city. “Maybe one day we’ll find that place,” Jason says in a hushed tone, still stewing.
You shoot him a soft smile. Maybe the thread cords itself a little tighter, enough to hold on another day. “I hope we do.”
#batfam#jason todd#jason todd x reader#jason todd imagine#dc imagine#wayne family adventures#fic*#jtdrabble*#jasonstripperau
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Kamisato Ayato bails Itto out of jail because he wants to ride that dick(tm). Written for Kirashions' Collaborative Server Zine, Vol. 3.
You can download this free zine here! Be sure to check out the fic on AO3 as well.
--
Ayato should have been suspicious the moment Itto’s underlings paid him a visit. They look out of place at the Kamisato Estate, but, because Ayato is a gracious host, he treats them to an audience.
“Miss Shinobu,” he greets with false sweetness.
She winces. “Ah, Lord Kamisato. I—”
“Have demanded an audience, haven’t you? You’re lucky that I owed you a favor. Usually, your antics aren’t worth much to me.”
“Ah, about that,” she starts.
“It’s about Itto,” cuts in Ushi, lacking any and all manners.
Ayato overlooks his transgression, far more interested in their plight now that a certain Oni is involved. “Itto?” he asks.
“The boss is in a bit of trouble.”
This comes as no surprise, which is exactly what Ayato says. “Tell me a day when Itto isn’t in trouble.”
“Yeah, but he’s actually been thrown in jail this time. Kujo Sara was relentless with her arrest today—”
“What did he do?”
Shinobu blinks, tilting her head to the side. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Call it curiosity.” Ayato presses his fingers together and levels her with a cool look. “I assume that you came here for my help. So, explain.”
She thinks, her brow furrowing, a line creasing in the middle of it. “Public indecency,” she says slowly. “It wasn’t his fault though—he got pantsed by some little gremlin in town and Kujo Sara just happened to turn the corner at the wrong time, and—”
“And you found it appropriate to come and bother me about it?”
The idea of it though—something simmers in Ayato’s gut. Itto is a bit of an idiot but he’s a handsome idiot, and Ayato isn’t blind. Surely he’s packing. A pity that he wasn’t in town to see him because Ayato might’ve climbed Itto like a tree right there in the front square.
“Sir?” It’s Ushi who cuts in, voice tinged with uncertainty.
“Hm?”
“Er, about the bail bond?”
Ayato’s mouth curls into a devious grin which makes Shinobu squirm. “Oh, is that why you came to me? Tell me, Deputy—” He says the title sickly sweet, voice dripping in sarcasm. “—Why would I care?”
“I know you’re friends with the boss,” she deadpans. Straight to it, then.
Ayato’s face falls the barest amount. “Perhaps I underestimated you—”
“It’s nothing like that, you just aren’t very good at hiding it.” A pause, and though he can’t see past her mask, Shinobu smiles. “The boss isn’t the brightest candle around, though. He has no idea who you are.”
“Yes, well, that is the appeal of our so-called beetle fighting.” Itto is entertaining with his happy-go-lucky attitude, but really, it’s the fact that he’s too dim to realize just exactly who Ayato is. It’s endearing in a way. Itto earnestly looks forward to the little games that they play.
Ayato, on the other hand, looks forward to watching those rippling muscles as Itto yells out utterly ridiculous catchphrases.
He taps his chin, regarding Shinobu with a shrewd gaze. “So, let me summarize: Itto was caught with his pants down—literally—and now you want me to bail him out. How high is the amount?”
“Let’s just say Kujo Sara took the opportunity presented to her. She’s been hounding Itto for months and finally dragged him in.”
Very high, then, by the looks of it. Ayato sighs dramatically, making it look as though it’s a massive ordeal. (It is not; Ayato will hardly miss the money, and he’s fairly certain that he can work this ordeal in his favor). He waits long enough for Shinobu to squirm before saying, “Alright, I’ll bite—but on one condition.”
“Oh?”
“I go alone to get him.” Shinobu’s gaze narrows, but before she can reply, Ayato raises a hand. “Nothing unsavory, I assure you. He’ll be in good hands. It’s only easier if I’m the one to handle my money, no? Underlings with large sacks of Mora will draw suspicion, but I can pay people to turn a blind eye.”
She knows that he has a point, judging from the way the top half of her face wrinkles. “It’s not as though I have any other choice.”
Shinobu doesn’t even try to shake his hand, which Ayato will remember fondly in the future.
#
“So, let me get this straight.” The prison guard pauses, scratching his cheek. “You’re posting the bond for Arataki Itto—but you want some time alone with him?”
“A half-hour would suffice,” says Ayato, his hands hiding deep in his sleeves. It’s an estimation built entirely on uncouth, mildly lustful observations, not that the guardsman needs to know that.
“My Lord—”
“I do believe that my generous tip was meant for you to not ask questions of me.”
The guard’s mouth snaps shut and he stiffens. He still scratches at his cheek, thinking. “Er, Kujo Sara—”
“I outrank Miss Kujo Sara as the Lord of the Kamisato Estate, don’t I?” Technically. It’s a thin claim at best but Kujo Sara might be willing to concede to it if he gets caught.
“A half-hour, then,” says the guard, sagging. “After that, I’m not responsible.”
Ayato nods in the affirmative. “Now—which cell?”
#
Itto sits in his prison cell pathetically, leaning against the wall.
He perks up when the guard lets Ayato slip inside. They share a glance, the guard's head dipping before shutting the cell door and turning around the corner.
“Oh, thank Celestia. Bro, you have no idea—”
“Strip,” says Ayato plainly.
Itto stops dead, his mouth parted wide. And then: “Er, why?”
“I’ve paid for your bail, so now, I’m reaping my reward. Now, take your clothes off.”
Ayato sees the cogs they try and fail to turn in Itto’s head. And it isn’t that Itto’s dumb, he’s just got his head in the clouds. Doesn’t think much past the moment. Adorable, really. Especially the way that he scrambles to his feet eagerly, hooking his thumbs into the waistband of his trousers.
“A new game?”
“Here? In a prison? Itto, what is two and two together?”
The response is delayed, but it’s a firm-sounding, “Four.”
“And what kinds of games are played in prisons?”
“Well, I was always told to not bend over in the showers—”
What an absurd thing to say as he drops his pants. Ayato stands there, watching with hungry eyes as Itto’s trousers fall to the ground. And then he has a thought when Itto begins to pull at his leather harness.
“No, keep that on. But everything else—off with it.”
“So, what’re the rules?” Itto means it as a joke but Ayato can’t help but play along. That’s the thing about his cheerful idealism—it rubs off.
Ayato crosses the room, pressing a hand against Itto’s sternum. His gaze is planted firmly on Itto’s face, no matter how much he wants to look down. Not yet. All in due time. Ease him into it. Not that Itto won’t do as he says; he’s always been a good boy when it comes down to it.
“The game is simple, I suppose. I am bailing you out and therefore, you owe me something.”
“Oh?” Itto raises a brow, his eyes dropping to where Ayato’s hand rests.
“And the rules are easy to follow. First, we remove this.” Ayato slips Itto’s jacket off, tossing it to the ground. All that’s left before him are gleaming, tan muscles that bulge with the subtlest of movements. Ayato’s mouth goes dry as he just thinks about it, soaking up the sight that typically haunts his dreams instead.
“And?”
“You fuck me.”
Itto rears back, surprised. He Watches Ayato with his mouth hanging open, flapping like a koi fish. “I—er—”
“Do you not want to?”
“No!” A pause. “No, I mean, not that I don’t want to—”
Ayato’s gaze falls half-lidded at that. “Oh?” he purrs, his mouth curving into a smirk. “So you want to?”
Itto’s throat bobs as he swallows thickly. When Ayato presses against his sternum, he goes, falling back to the ground. He groans softly when Ayato settles over his thighs, dragging his nails down the meat of Itto’s chest, teasing.
“Thought about it, have you?”
He must have. Ayato finally looks, taking in the sight of Itto’s half-hard cock thickening between his thighs. “Markings, even here,” he murmurs, dragging a finger down Itto’s length. “And what’s this?” A glinting metal piercing speared right through the slit.
“Bro.” Itto squeaks it, his voice raspy and awkward. But not unwanting. No, no, it’s clear as day that he’s thought about this too.
“We don’t have long,” says Ayato. “I only paid the guard off for a half-hour, so we’ll have to make this quick.”
Ayato reaches up and latches Itto’s wrist together, linking them to the bars. “Only temporarily,” he says, eyes raking over Itto’s now prone form. “Part of your punishment is that you don’t get to touch.”
“I didn’t—”
“Oh, I heard exactly what happened.” Ayato smiles at him, amused. “You got caught with your pants down.”
“My dude—Oh, fuck.”
Ayato doesn’t think he’s ever heard Itto curse before. He delights in Itto’s pinched expression and the pink blush that’s spread from his cheeks to his chest. He looks pained, almost. Must be because Ayato’s wrapped a hand around his dick.
“Handsome,” he says, testing the weight and girth of the cock in his hand. “Exactly what I imagined—though, it’s hard to miss when you traipse around half-dressed.”
Itto whines so prettily when Ayato jerks him once, and then twice, his hand too dry. But he’s desperate enough to see out the friction nonetheless.
“Here is how this will go,” says Ayato, letting go of him. Itto whines when he pulls back and off, divesting himself of his clothes. “I’m going to ride you until I’m satisfied, yes? Whether or not you finish is up to you. As I said, I’ve paid for so little time and we can easily continue this elsewhere, later on.”
“No, I’m going to—You know what? You’re on!”
Ayato regards him with interest. “Is that a challenge?” Because if it is, he’s going to win. He’s an expert at taking dick. “Oh, Itto, you have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into,” he says once naked and settling over Itto once more.
Itto looks. He stares at him, eyes raking from top to bottom. His tongue darts out to lick his lips. And then again and again—then Itto moans.
Ayato’s grasping his cock again, his long fingers barely reaching around the width of him. “Amazing,” he says. “What a wonderful specimen. I think that we’re going to have fun.”
“Twenty minutes,” says Itto.
“I beg your pardon?”
“It’s been about ten minutes since you stepped in here and you’ve spent most of it yapping.”
It seems that Itto has a better attention span than anticipated. “If you can still speak then I’m doing a poor job, aren’t I?”
Itto has the gall to shoot him a cocky look. “Aren’t you the one who said it’s up to me to come? Do your worst.”
What a goad. Ayato reaches out and flicks his nipple harshly. Itto jerks underneath him, hissing at the harsh sting. “You asked for it,” he says to him, pinching it next, rolling the stiff nub tightly between a clenched forefinger and thumb.
“Oh, that’s—”
Ayato jerks his cock, thumb over the tip. He plays with the piercing, observing it, marveling at its thickness, and the way that precome bubbles up around it. “So wet,” mocks Ayato, spreading the thick slick around. His palm drags over the length, coaxing Itto to full hardness until it stands on its own, more than impressive in its initial presentation.
He is thankful he came prepared. And he says that to Itto as he rolls his hips against him. He slots their dicks together, the size of his own admirable, but pale in comparison.
“P-prepared?”
Ayato scoffs. “Of course.” He pauses them, tilting his head. “What, are you disappointed? Would you have rather opened me up yourself? I enjoyed doing it earlier, pressing my fingers in deep. There’s this toy—”
“I would’ve wanted to watch.”
Ayato falls silent, not expecting Itto to play along. “Go on.”
“Just that,” says Itto, not remotely embarrassed. “I’ve had dreams. You’re handsome. You’d look good with your fingers knuckle deep.”
“I do believe that I’ve underestimated you, Itto. Who knew you had such a dirty mouth?” Ayato flicks Itto’s nipple again which wins him another hiss.
“I’ve got eyes,” mutters Itto, as though it should be obvious. And then: “Losing time here, bro. Better get on with it.”
Ayato readjusts himself until the tip of Itto’s dick is kissing his loose hole, still slick from his earlier play. Definitely the right decision, considering the haste he has to take. Itto is large enough that he knows it’ll take some effort. And sure enough, the moment he sinks down, the breath from his chest is punched out right away.
“Oh,” he whispers, his breath hitched. “Oh, you’re—” Big, so, so big. Ayato uses gravity to help him fall, rolling his hips gently as he fucks lower and lower into Itto’s thick cock.
“Shit,” moans Itto. He wriggles against his binding. His legs tense, trying to hold back from bucking up into Ayato. “Celestia, you’re—”
“I’m what?” Itto whines, a pitiful sound. He already looks gone, eyes hazy with want. “Go on,” continues Ayato, “use your words.”
“Tight. Too tight. Shit, hot too. Tight and hot, and slick—Gods, I really would've liked to watch you—” He chokes off a moan when Ayato bottoms out.
Itto’s dick is so thick in his ass that Ayato swears that he can feel it in his throat. There must be a bulge and he presses a hand to his belly as though he might feel one. Itto whimpers as he watches. He thrusts his hips ever so slightly, just barely grinding.
Ayato tugs his nipple cruelly. “Did I say that you could move? This round isn’t for you, it’s for me. Consider it services rendered. Yes, I rather like that sound of that—”
“My Lord, you’ve got about ten minutes.” The guard yells it from the hallway.
Ayato wastes no time, pulling his hips up and slamming them right down. Itto howls and Ayato manages to press a hand to his mouth, cutting it off. “None of that,” he hisses, voice pitched low. “I’ve managed to get some time with you but certainly not for uncouth reasons.”
Itto’s breath is warm against his hand but he doesn’t kick back.
“Be a good boy for me?” And oh, that does something. Itto’s moans against his palm and his dick twitches in Ayato’s ass.
It goes well. They move fantastically together once they find a rhythm. Ayato rides him relentlessly like the push and pull of a tide, and Itto doesn’t just lay back and take it, he puts in a hard effort too. Despite his hands being bound high above his head, he moves, fucking up into Ayato’s tight heat, his cock carving its way into his guts.
Fast and dirty. Satisfying enough—but not wholly. “We’ll have to do this again,” says Ayato, sweat beading along his brow. “On a night where I can truly ride you until you’re bone-dry and useless.”
“Bro, that’s—” Itto moans, biting at his lip, cutting off whatever howl that threatens to loose.
The pleasure in Ayato’s gut is like a flash fire; it spreads quickly, easily, and all through him. He fucks himself against Itto’s cock, taking it deep, making sure that the tip drags across his prostate with every stroke. “Gods.” He moans too, a more dignified sound than Itto’s intense, guttural nonsense. “You are good, aren’t you? In more ways than one. Are you going to come?”
“Yes, I’m—oh, shit, you feel good. Ayato.”
Itto does not call him Ayato. He calls him Dude, Bro, or even Compadre at times. But never his first name, which is the first indicator that he’s about to tip right over.
Ayato grabs his own cock, stroking it furiously. He rides Itto faster, the slick rise and fall of his hips slapping. Itto comes first, driving into his ass, spilling deep and all over his insides. And Ayato fucks him through it, forcing him to go taut with overstimulation.
“Fuck. Fuck, fuck—Bro, I’m—”
Ayato tumbles over too, squirting come all over Itto’s stomach, abs painted white with his thick, sticky spend. Itto groans, head falling back as he melts against the hard ground of the cell.
It is over as soon as it begins. “Hurry,” says Ayato, pulling off of him, reaching up to undo his bindings. Uncaring of the mess that dribbles out of his ass and down his thighs—though he catches Itto’s stare. “Later,” he hisses.
Itto blinks, turning back to Ayato. “Later?”
“Don’t you want a second roung? You always challenge me to a rematch.” Celestia above, he sounds ridiculous. But Ayato is dick-starved enough that he’s willing to make an utter fool of himself to appeal to this moron.
They trip into their clothing, righting them enough to look halfway decent. The guard knows, though. He’s pink in the face as he leads them back to the foyer, shoving a bag of Itto’s belongings into his hands. “I—yes, well, good day.”
Ayato tugs him through the front door before Kujo Sara can turn the corner and demand that they stay.
And Itto goes, he tumbles after him, eager for the second round of debauched filth that he’s been promised. Ayato thinks that perhaps they might have to consider a new arrangement when it comes to their games. He might be clever enough to come up with a strip version of beetle fighting. Maybe.
It isn’t until they’re nearly back to the estate that something dons on Itto. “Wait,” he says, pulling Ayato to a halt. “How’d you pay for my bail?”
Right. For all his goofish charm, Itto isn’t the most brilliant. Ayato reaches out and pats his cheek fondly. “You are quite lucky that you have a wonderful cock.”
“Uh, thanks? I mean, like bro-to-bro, right? ‘Cause yours isn’t half bad. It’s cute—”
“That’s enough of that, Itto.”
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More art: Rebel graffiti!
It's also a sneak peek for Fortune's Rule p-III, ch-II! (Or possibly ch-III, depending on how stuff works out.)
So, I love it when SW fanart/comics include aurebesh. I really enjoy decoding the secret messages and seeing if there's anything interesting hidden in them! Naturally, then, I needed an excuse to write a bunch of aurebesh in my own art, and what better reason than anti-Imperial graffiti? Plus, it makes such a cool little snapshot of the political situation on... ahem, whatever world this is. (You'll probably know which world it is if you read the graffiti/translations.)
It was a lot of fun to do all the aurebesh lettering! At first, I was really intimidated by the idea of doing aurebesh in different font styles, like how the heck do you do that, where do you even start? But, unsurprisingly, turns out that it's not a whole lot different from writing Latin letters in different fonts.
Overall, I'm quite pleased with how the whole thing turned out, especially given that the graffiti was added in a somewhat haphazard manner.
Aurebesh translations included at the bottom of the post!
This piece took two evenings, hand drawing in pencil and then going over that in Pigma Micron pen, and finally erasing the pencil. First night's progress:
I dunno what was up with that shoulder at first. Suffice it to say, things went much better after I remembered that reference photos do exist and are a really good idea.
And second night's progress:
Goodness gracious, that Anakin poster gave me grief. The CW reference pic I used had really dramatic lighting that must have tricked my brain somehow, because even though it showed him straight-on, I ended up drawing his face angled a bit toward the side, the first time? And then after that, he kind of looked a bit anime-style, which was interesting as I've never drawn in that style before in my life and didn't know it was a thing you could stumble into, but also inconvenient.
Final note—whoever was in charge of Imperial PR quite frankly sucked at their job. Because. The Imperial crest. It's insanely difficult to draw freehand. The Republic crest? Pretty easy. But the Imperial one, sheesh. Nobody's gonna be drawing that on their faces to show their support at sporting games.
Click below for aurebesh translations!
Aurebesh translations! Proceeding in order from top left of the drawing, based on location of the first letter of each sentence.
[NA]BOO WEEPS (partially cut off)
FOR THE GLORY OF THE EMPIRE---ENLIST! (stormtrooper poster)
FOR APAILANA
FIGHT BACK QUEEN K!
KARKIN' TARKIN
LON[G] LIVE [THE] REPUBLIC (partially cut off)
TO THE DEATH, SHEEV
THE HERO WILL RETURN---HAVE NO FEA[R] (partially cut off)
INACHU MOCO, POODOO LORDA (Huttese: eat maggots, sh*t boss)
KRIFF THE IMPS
FOR [THE REPUB]LIC (mostly cut off, Clone Wars poster)
[MAY THE] F[ORCE] BE WI[TH] US A[LL] (mostly cut off)
VICTORY AND JUSTICE
HER SPIRIT LIVES ON
TRAITOR
QUASH! QUARSH!
DOWN WITH PALPATINE!
DOWN WITH VADER!
#sw art#star wars fanart#padmé amidala#padmé lives#sneak peek#rebel padmé#graffiti#aurebesh#illustration#drawing#art#fanart#Fortune's Rule
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AHH! He’s Frieza-ing us! He’s summoning a Death Ball! Or a Spirit Bomb?
A Death Spirit Ball Bomb!
...
A SPEATH BOLL!
OH GOOD GRACIOUS GRAVY, WHAT IS THAT!? IT REALLY IS A SPIRIT BOMB!
(Which, given the track record of Spirit Bomb confirmed kills in DBZ, is actually pretty good for us, probability speaking.)
Alright, enough anime references, but on the subject, NEO TWEWY giving us a very DBZ action moment where we get to grit our teeth and fight hard to literally break a giant ball of doom in a massive penultimate boss fight:
IS AWESOME!!
#neo the world ends with you#neo twewy#twewy#gamefromthecorner#playthrough#liveblog#rindo kanade#twewy fret#tosai furesawa#neo twewy week 3#neo twewy spoilers#shiba miyakaze#neo reapers#neo final day
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MLP quotes
*The cat is holding up a pocketwatch in his teeth*
Wybie: You... found a watch? You... wanna be a watch? You're running! Running out of time? No. You're... late?
—
Mabel: Stay right where you are. All I want is a clear path to the exit. Nobody move, and my dress won't get hurt. Stay back! Back, I say!
—
Coraline: *referring to Mabel’s sick pet pig* Did you give him any kind of medicine?
Neil: I tried to, but he wouldn't take it.
Coraline: Then you have to make him take it! You can't be such a pushover, Neil! You need to show this patient who's the boss! Make him straighten up and walk right!
Neil: But he can't walk.
Coraline: No excuses! *Dramatically picks up a red and yellow pill*
—
Raz: *About to fight a large group of changelings* Looks like we're gonna have to do this the hard way. *He runs up to one changeling that has already copied his appearance. The two mirror each other for a few moments before the changeling shoves Raz to the others* How did you...?
*the remaining changelings all disguise themselves as one of the Mystery Kids*
Dipper: They're changelings, remember?
Changelings: *Five changelings, all disguised as Dipper, imitate him, grinning smugly* They're changelings, remember?
Dipper: Don't let them distract you!
Wybie: *face to face with an undisguised changeling* Okay, this is just gettin' weird. *Lili shoots down a pile of changelings that look like Wybie and telekinetically pulls one of them out* Real me! Real me!
*Mabel watches another changeling quickly go through the disguises of Dipper, Norman, and Lili* Do me! Do me! *The Lili changeling rolls its eyes, and transforms into Mabel, complete with a big happy grin and arms wide out* Meh, I've seen better. *She grabs Raz and proceeds to use his hand as a telekinetic machine gun, shooting down groups of changelings with bursts of his powers*
—
Courtney: Oh! Almost forgot. *She tosses the official bouquet of flowers out the back, and the three bridesmaids prepare to catch it, only to be pushed aside by Mabel*
Mabel: IT'S MINE! *rushes to catch it in her arms* Ahaha... ha. *she sheepishly relents and backs off*
—
Diamond Demon 1: Search, Human!
Wybie: Well, since you insist... But I gotta say the working conditions in here are shit. Its all humid, gonna frizz up my hair. And this air is suffocating. And when I try to take a deep breath, the stench of all you demons makes me nauseated. You look and smell like if you haven't bathed in weeks. Have you never heard of soap? You could all do with a good round of soap and water. Oh, hey, I'm kinda thirsty. Could I please have some water?
Diamond Demon 2: *pulls his ears and jumps around* Good gracious, I can't take this anymore. BE QUIET, KID!
—
Wybie: I am not "whining". I am complaining. Do you want to hear "whining"? This is whining! Ugh! This harness is too tight! It's going to chafe! Can't you loosen it? It hurts and it's all rusty! Why didn't you clean it first? It's gonna leave a stain, and the wagon's getting heavy! Why do I have to pull it?!
Diamond Demon 1: AAH! Make it stop!
Diamond Dog 2: Stop whining!
Wybie: But I thought you wanted whining!
—
Dipper: The Everfree Forest just isn’t natural. The plants grow...
Wybie: Animals care for themselves...
Coraline: And the clouds move...
Neil: :All on their own!
Mabel: *Faints*
—
Coraline: Norman, are you okay? *Norman turns his head away* Is there something wrong with you? *Norman shakes his head "yes"* Would you care to tell us? *He turns away again* So... you're not going to tell us? *He his head up and down* Yes you're not, or yes you will?
Lili: Jesus, man! What's wrong with you?!
Norman: *Sultry female voice* ...I don't want to talk about it.
—
Coraline: Hey, I went to the kitten shelter, so now it's your turn to go boxing with me! You owe me!
Wybie: I said... NO! *He dashes in the other direction, pushing Coraline down out of the way so she crashes into a wall*
Coraline: Ow!
Wybie: *he opens a window and runs away*
Coraline: … Okay, I guess I'll let you off the hook this time.
—
Lili: But... have you ever run a race?
Dipper: Well, no. But I do know a lot about running.
Coraline: And you know this from...
Dipper: Books. I read several on the subject.
Coraline: What did you read... the "Egghead's Guide to Running"? Did you stretch up your... eye muscles to warm up? HA HA HA HA! Get it? "Eye muscles"!
—
Raz: Hey, Mabel. What'cha doin'?
Mabel: Just heading to the yarn barn. How about you, Raz?
Raz: Oh, letting Dipper secretly follow me without me knowing...
Dipper: *Approaches with casts on his legs, his hair messed up, scratches on his skin, and a black eye* You mean you knew all along? Why didn't you tell me?!
Raz: Silly. That would've spoiled the secret.
—
Dipper: I wonder what's gonna fall out of the sky this time...
Raz: You never know...
Norman: *Walks outside when suddenly, Wybie falls from out of nowhere lands in his arms*
—
Neil: Hold on! I'm coming! *Grabs Dipper’s hands before he can lose his grip on the cliff*
Dipper: *His hands start slipping* Neil! What do I do?!
Neil: … Let go.
Dipper: Are you crazy?!
Neil: No I’m not! I promise you'll be safe.
Dipper: That's not true!
Neil: Now listen here. What I'm saying to you is the honest truth. Let go, and you'll be safe.
—
Dipper: I can't believe I wasted all that time. I should have just come here first. Wybie always has some fear he's trying to get over. *He arrives at the Mystery Shack to find him apparently wrestling a bear* Wybie?!
*Wybie continues to beat up the bear, snapping its neck*
Dipper: How could this be happening? Of all the days he had to stop being such a coward, he had to pick today! What am I going to do? *He leaves*
Wybie: *He begins to massage the bear's shoulders* You really should have come to me sooner. You were carrying so much tension in that shoulder.
—
Coraline: I'd like to tell you all the terrifying tale of the prissy ghost who drove everybody crazy with her unnecessary neatness. *Makes spooky ghost noises* I'm sure you all are familiar with that one.
Lili: Never heard of it. But I have a much better one. It's the horrifying story of the messy, inconsiderate ghost who irritated everyone within a hundred miles. *Makes spooky ghost noises*
—
Dipper: Has anybody else noticed that Norman is wearing his hair rather differently today?
Norman: What? Is it a crime to change one's style every now and again? Why, I think it's a crime not to.
Dipper: Really? *Pulls Norman’s hair up, revealing that his right eye is missing a false eyelash*
Norman: Fine, I'm guilty! I wear false eyelashes!… *calmly, pointing to the half-eaten cake* Oh, and I took a bite of the cake.
—
Mabel: What tree? You mean Bloomberg?
Lili: *sarcastically* ... No... Neil.
Mabel: Neil's not a tree, silly!
Dipper: What's going on?
Mabel: Lili thinks Neil’s a tree!
Lili: I do not think he's a tree! I was just...
Dipper: Did you say he was a tree?
Lili: No. Well... Yes. But not exactly...
Dipper: You know he’s not a tree, right?
Mabel: He’s not a tree, Lili!
Neil: *suddenly entering the conversation* I'd like to be a tree!
—
Dipper: "Dipper, addicted to caffeine!" Can you guys believe this? Who the hell does this Gabby Gums think she is?
Lili: Listen to this one. "Lili Zanotto: I was a Prep School snob. A well-placed aviator-helmet wearing source close to the prissy girl says Lili Zanotto thinks Gravity Falls is nothing but muddy roads and low-class rubes."
Coraline: Guys, please! She's just a harmless School girl involved in a little harmless gossip. You're really making too big a deal out of this.
Dipper: But it's all lies! Gabby Gums prints whatever she wants, she doesn't care whose reputation she destroys! Like… "Wybie has hair extensions!"
*Wybie covers his face with a book*
Dipper: “Mabel is an out of control party animals.”
Mabel: *Crying* It's true! I do have a problem!
Dipper: Oh look! According to this one, the Northwests are breaking up!… I mean, it might be in the future, but- No!
Raz: *Crashes in with a pile of newspapers* Well, my life is officially over. Gabby Gums has made it to Whispering Rock.
Dipper: "Raz Aquato: Cool psychic or super softie?"?
Raz: I grabbed as many copies as I could, but it was too late! *crying* I'm a laughing stock!
Norman: See, Coraline? Your so-called "harmless gossip" can be very hurtful!
Coraline: Honestly, you guys have no sense of humor. So she tweaks a few people every now and then, maybe they dese- *sees another issue, gasps* I'll destroy her! "The Diary of Coraline Jones"... she's reprinted my diary! How could Gabby Gums possibly get access to my private diary?
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everyone with a game boy advance either real or emulator. i have an announcement for you. and if you don't have either then go install mgba right now. you need to play metroid fusion right this very instant. as soon as you possibly can. this is a game that has stood the test of time so incredibly well i can barely tell it was for gba. the combat, the movement, the graphics, everything feels so fluid and i absolutely could not put it down.
sure, every now and then you'll run into something that reminds you of its age, but quite frankly everything else about it makes me overlook that entirely. the bosses are challenging but none were overly frustrating or drawn out. nothing overstayed its welcome. every fight was enjoyable and engaging. every twist hooked me more and more, and there were so many surprises that left me thinking wow was that cool. figuring out puzzles and understanding mechanics is so satisfying. did i mention how good the movement is?? it feels so fluid and intuitive and i'm amazed they pulled it off on gba. i'm amazed they pulled any of this off on gba!! it looks and plays so good blown up on a computer screen but how cool must it have been to see a game like this on the game boy advance of all consoles??
if you're a fan of the metroidvania genre and have never played a metroid game, i 100% recommend you play fusion. there is a reason why this genre has gotten so popular in recent years, and it's that they had an incredible foundation built for them. seriously, PLAY THIS GAME!!
and if i've managed to convince you, i would like to pass on two tips that my friend was gracious enough to give me:
1. every room has a purpose
2. BOMB EVERYTHING
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Minor Act 1 spoilers for BG3 but...
I finally beat the boss fight with Nere and I just needed to say so because hot damn that is one unbalanced fight! The enemies all get 2 hits and take so much HP and Wyll's Eldritch Blast hits for like 3 and I'm over here like 😭😭 (I did use other, better spells but you know how it goes.) I must have done the fight 30 times before I won and had no casualties where one of my party was thrown in the lava, goodness gracious.
And I tried to team up with the draugrs too several times but I think I missed that window or selected all the wrong dialogue options IDK, I couldn't seem to trigger that.
But I did it! I have Nere's head. That was rough.
#baldur's gate 3#i am playing on easy mode okay#party is level 5 and still that fight was miserable#scared for the rest of the game tbh hope level 6 is some kind of miracle boast#bg3
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One Piece Volume 27
Fucking Shit! I accidentally got rid of an entire chapter’s worth of commentary. Lemme do that thing again where I recap it from memory.
Chapter 247 - Ball Challenge
Usopp says “Let’s split up, gang!” Sanji says “No” Lufpy says “Great idea, Sanji! Stay near Usopp! I won’t”
Even after all this time... Lufpy still loves 1v1s... and in this case, there is an evil ball.
An evil ball who hates 1v1s.
Bad things happen. Lufpy lights a fish on fire. Usopp has a long penis. There’s a big problem: Usopp’s long penis cannot be severed.
What the heck. Oh my goodness gracious. Lufpy didn’t use the Hades plushie. The knight god just showed up arbitrarily. Tony Tony Chopper will use the Hades plushie. Oh my goodness gracious.
Chapter 248 - Former Kami vs. Vassal
The knight god gives a cool speech about pirates that turns into
Okay, I think that’s about as far as I’d written before I lost my post. Now I can keep reading, and hopefully this time I won’t accidentally destroy my post.
The knight god ends up having to leave because someone used his Hades plushie. Meanwhile, at Tony Tony Chopper, an old-timey pilot is using fire.
The old-timey pilot explains something: Each of the levels in the level select has a boss fight. However, the bosses are also human beings with free wills and agency, so outside of the game’s levels, people can just kinda do whatever they want. However, if the game doesn’t have a proper damsel in distress, then people named Tony need to die. That’s also an important rule.
Anyway, everything works out great in the end!
Chapter 249 - The Village Hidden in the Cloud
There’s a little girl named Asia with an enemy named... um... I don’t know how to turn this into a joke... oh no...
There’s also a guy named Wiper who has a rocket launcher and hates gods. Someone tells Wiper that the knight god isn’t that bad.
Zoro is still hanging out with women. Nami sees something really important.
The knight god and the old-timey pilot are fighting.
I really wish I liked Tony Tony Chopper. I remember saying he had a lot of potential.
But everything he does sure can be boiled down to.
This.
Chapter 250 - Ball Dragon
Knight god down!
Tony Tony Chopper down... on purpose!
A globe-skipping race to prevent World War III
A CIA-operated jet on a clandestine mission disappears in Eastern Europe. No mayday, no wreckage, and no known survivors. No way to know if the top-secret extraction of a key American scientist from Slovakia, or his liberator, Dr. Lauren McKenna, code name Pegasus, are dead or alive.
Donovan Nash's precarious world is rocked when word reaches him that his wife, Lauren, is missing in Eastern Europe. Using his millions, and fueled by the fear of losing his wife, Donovan and company cut a swath through Austria and Hungary. Desperate, Donovan leverages his lifelong secret to enlist an unlikely ally one of his oldest friends who may very well want him dead. As Donovan closes in on the truth, another, and more deadly, reality is revealed. A ruthless terrorist group has acquired a stealth aircraft with the ability to deliver a nuclear device. They are poised to strike but where? What started as a rescue turns into a full-throttle aerial chase. Will Donovan be able to rescue his wife, as well as prevent a nuclear catastrophe?
Ugh... this evil ball puts me in a sour mood thinking about how my first chapter’s worth of commentary got destroyed and I had to rewrite it. Therefore, I hope someone kills the evil ball.
Usopp is at risk of dying from a heart attack. Sanji probably already did. Lufpy seems okay.
The evil ball has a fancy chain “dragon” of doom. Lufpy severs the dragon’s long penis. Then Lufpy BECOMES the dragon’s long penis! Truly, even now, Lufpy is finding new fetishes... ones that raise his power level rather than lowering it. This is how Lufpy can surpass Zoro.
I want One Piece to unceremoniously kill Sanji for real one day. Just like. Give Sanji the type of death where your natural reaction is like “Ah, looks like Sanji is unconscious and presumed dead to narrow the focal points of the action while upping the stakes again.” Then Sanji just never gets up. And it slowly dawns on you... this is the end... of Beloved Character Sanji...
No just one. And he drowned himself.
OH, so now that it’s ~convenient~ for you, you absolutely LOVE 1v1s, huh evil ball? Fuck off.
Yay~ Evil ball dead~ Now I don’t have to think about my own foolishness ever again... hooray for Sanji! I hope Sanji obtains immortality!
Chapter 251 - Overture
Wiper learns from Asia that the knight god and the evil ball are dead. Wiper decides that now would be a good time to Kill God.
Hey, hang on. We’re only 0.0000000000000000000006% of the way through this JRPG plot and we’re already Killing God? Isn’t the cliche normally supposed to be that this kind of thing only happens way later?
Usopp uses his penis to save everyone.
Good thing Usopp’s Penis helped save the day! Thank God for Usopp’s Penis!
Lufpy points out that Lufpy is way better at heroism through sexuality than Usopp is.
Zoro asks what the important thing Nami saw was. Nami tells him to shut up. Oh Nami. <3
Meanwhile, a Hanukkah-themed JoJo character accidentally glues his mouth shut. And a Homestuck-themed Dragon Ball character does not do that.
Man... a huge army overthrowing the government is once again a core feature of this arc. The government in this case is God, but... are huge government-overthrowing armies just gonna be A Thing in every One Piece arc from here on out?
Everyone who went in the river mysteriously isn’t dead, including the knight god. False alarm guys!!!
Nico Robin discerns that the Forbidden Forest used to not be in the sky. I bet that’ll be important later.
I was wrong! It’s important right now! Nami finds Majorarmstr Kong’s freaking house!!! The Forbidden Forest is a Forbidden Section of Where The Crew Was Five SEconds Ago.
Chapter 252 - Junction
Nami is Catholic... unlike Zoro these days... even though Zoro is standing right next to her...
Nami is no longer Catholic. <3
The old-timey pilot is enacting more violence.
Lufpy, Sanji, and Usopp, the game’s player characters, are moving on to the next level. However, they didn’t pass through the level select first, so they don’t know which level that is. Usopp helpfully reminds the audience that the next level could be the String Level, the Iron Level, or the Swamp Level.
It’s the Cactus Level.
The player characters get ambushed by the anti-government army, which seems to have mistaken them for the government. Ah... Lufpy’s inflation fetish... an oldie but a goodie.
Ah, the anti-government army actually knows that the player characters aren’t the government. They’re just doing that thing where when villains have correct opinions, they also arbitrarily do bad things that have nothing to do with their opinions. Neat!
The anti-government army is fighting the Hanukkah-themed JoJo character. The old-timey pilot... also exists.
Wait... the next level of the player characters’ game... IS 8-4?! What about the old-timey pilot?! What about the Hanukkah-themed JoJo character?! What about the Homestuck-themed Dragon Ball character?! What about the three levels those three guys were the bosses of?!
HUH?!
Usopp says it’s a good thing Tony Tony Chopper didn’t burn to death. Tony Tony Chopper’s reaction to this is to spontaneously combust.
Oh... Sanji helping Tony Tony Chopper make medicine is kinda cute...
Chapter 253 - Varse
Zoro can’t fucking count.
Zoro turns into a fucking caveman.
This is an absurdly niche joke, but... Mr. Zurkon
The crew discusses how to find lots and lots of money within the Forbidden Forest.
Nico Robin says that having a fire could attract dangerous attention. Lufpy and Usopp say “Nico Robin, you fool... fire is good.” Zoro says “Mine’s bigger.” Sanji helps Zoro with this, naturally.
Nico Robin ends up enjoying Zoro’s fire, which is bigger. That’s... not how I expected this scene to go, lmao.
The knight god explains that he loves dirt, and calls it “varse”, presumably because he doesn’t know how to pronounce “earth”.
Wiper hates dirt, and plans on throwing away a little girl’s dirt. Someone...! Anyone...! SOMEONE PLEASE SAY “WIPER NO WIPING”!!! ;_;
Oh, Wiper actually likes dirt. He’s just an asshole.
Chapter 254 - Aubade
Usopp sees a mysterious hammer man. Hmm... you know who uses hammers? That’s right: Usopp. Usopp is a time traveler! Wait, but if Usopp is a time traveler, why hasn’t Usopp killed Hitler? I thought better of you, Usopp.
The Homestuck-themed Dragon Ball character reveals that he’s the boss of the iron level.
wait haven’t i heard the name “ohm” before
hmm... cursory searching through earlier chapters does not reveal where i would have heard it before
maybe he’s just super famous like nico robin?
The Hanukkah-themed JoJo character reveals that he’s the boss of the swamp level. I guess the swamp level needed to have the most interesting boss to balance out the fact that it has the least interesting theme.
The old-timey pilot doesn’t get to reveal what level he’s the boss of! NOOOOOOOOO!!! NOW I’LL NEVER KNOW!!! THERE’S NO WAY OF KNOWING!!!
oh, god is utterly insufferable
bro i was joking please don’t tell me usopp actually time traveled for real
FORESHADOWING!!! The Merry Go CAN talk. Usopp gave it the ability to talk when he went back in time and fixed it. It’ll say its first words once the mystery of time-traveling Usopp is solved through other means.
Chapter 255 - The Anaconda and the Search Team
Hmm... chapter 255, huh? This must be the last chapter ever! I know One Piece has infinity squared chapters, but I won’t let that fool me! I know what the highest number a byte can store is! After this chapter, I’ll have no more One Piece to read...
Lufpy says that they should be heading West and heads East. Zoro says that they should be heading Right and heads West. Nico Robin says that they should be heading South and heads South. This got a laugh out of me. This must be why people love Nico Robin!
Meanwhile, Sanji, Nami, Usopp and the knight god are on the ship.
H-Hey...! What the?! The characters aren’t supposed to be able to react to my refusal to refer to them using their proper nouns (or pronouns for short) (<--joke stolen from my higurashi posts)! This isn’t fair!
Oh, varse isn’t dirt, it’s anything that’s not a cloud. My bad. ...Also, I guess for all its “This Is Literally Heaven” trappings, this Aerial Pull Star is kinda like... Poor People Zone.
Woah, wait a minute, I just noticed... Nami is wearing her hair in pigtails! Why
It turns out the anti-government army is made up of people who didn’t used to live in the sky, who had their home stolen.
Usopp and Sanji say that it’s bad to steal people’s homes, and promptly get eaten by a horse.
Ah, so the knight god was the sympathetic villain, the anti-government army were asshole victims, and the insufferable god is a weird third faction that made everything even more complicated. And now, since the knight god has good qualities, he’s made it his life mission to oppose both assholes AND insufferable people. So all three factions are opposed to both of the other two, rather than anyone having any allies. Like Rock-Paper-Scissors. Wait, I mean the Fire Emblem weapon triangle. Wait, I mean Zoro, rich people, and rice.
Oh man One Piece is kinda like, actually getting into religious cult themes then, huh?
I like this arc so far. It has a lot of sexiness. By which I mainly just mean the knight god. Although the Hanukkah-themed JoJo character is pretty sexy too. And I guess Usopp’s penis.
Meanwhile, at the expedition team, everyone gets separated.
Woah, callback to when Lufpy thought North was cold... if Oda is still thinking about that, that means it’s important... I can’t wait for the scene where Lufpy is reunited with the redhead and they tearfully must become enemies because of the redhead’s belief that South is cold... Ignore the fact that I’m objectifying Lufpy here.
WAIT, WASN’T NOSE [...] THE ONE THE REDHEAD WAS ARGUING WITH BACK THEN?! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!!! NOSE [...] IS GONNA BECOME LUFPY’S ALLY!!! I THOUGHT MY FRIEND WAS JOKING WHEN HE SAID THAT!!!
Speaking of Lufpy’s allies... I hate to say this, and am under the impression it may be a bit of a “controversial hot take”, but... at this point... I don’t think I can say Zoro is my least favorite member of Lufpy’s crew anymore.
Zoro absolutely did have a bad introduction, which made him look like the obvious worst character since Lufpy and Nami were bangers from the start. Back when the writing wasn’t as good, characters weren’t really capable of achieving True coolness, and at the start of the story, Zoro was notably the least comedic character, which made him come across as a failed attempt at coolness.
But just like it took a while for Lufpy to come into his own as even more of a banger than he already was, I think Zoro has honestly come into his own since the early days. He’s still defined largely by his cocky macho attitude, and a warped ego that causes his raw courage levels to be indistinguishable from utter stupidity... but he no longer feels untouchable by the narrative and incapable of being the butt of the joke. I mean, I guess he was never REALLY incapable of being the butt of jokes... calling Lufpy’s victimization at the hands of misfortune beyond his control “Lufpy screwing around” and getting dragged into oil by Nami come to mind as early examples of Zoro’s mystique deflating, not to mention the fact that Zoro’s sense of direction being just as awful as Lufpy’s is so not-new that it was the whole reason Lufpy needed to recruit Nami in the first place...
I guess what it boils down to is that One Piece is good because it’s fun. And I have just as much fun pointing and laughing at Zoro’s general dweebishness as I do being unironically endeared by the other characters. Meanwhile there’s a certain One Piece crewmate that evokes no emotions in me whatsoever.
So here’s my current One Piece crewmate tier list:
S Tier Rank 1 - Nose [...] - The scene where Nose [...] and Lufpy overcome their differences despite the fact that Nose [...] has dedicated his entire life to being the final boss who eventually lands Lufpy on the Game Over screen, all because they agree that North is colder than South, will be the greatest scene in literary history. I can’t wait to read it.
S Tier Rank 2 - Nami - Obviously???
A Tier - Lufpy - The quintessential shonen-protagonist-style goofball. He’s exactly weird enough that his power of friendship bullshit feels revolutionary rather than stale, and his empty brain and his badassery are inseparable from each other in a really fun way.
B Tier Rank 1 - Sanji - The crew’s biggest freak (affectionate). What he lacks in Sanji Points, he makes up for in all the Sanji Points he’s lost along the way.
B Tier Rank 2 - Zoro - Yeah, I guess I’m an “enjoyable Zoro truther” now. I hate him <3
C Tier Rank 1 - Nico Robin - I have no idea what her deal is.
C Tier Rank 2 - Usopp - I like that he’s not a super strong combat beast like most characters, but then again, neither is Nami, and she’s also perfect in every other way as an added bonus. I like the contrast between his dopiness and his grand ambitions in theory, but honestly... he’s been starting to get on my nerves lately. I’ve been thinking better of him than he actually is with extreme frequency, but you know what they say... “fool me once etc.”
D Tier - Tony Tony Chopper - When I think about Tony Tony Chopper... I think about how I once read something about how ONE, author of Mob Psycho 100, apparently conceptualized Dimple as a “traditional cliche mascot character, but really ugly”. Tony Tony Chopper is Dimple minus being really ugly. He’s just... fucking nothing, other than an aesthetically pleasant little guy. I have no idea what’s going on behind his eyes at any given moment, and that’s bad. It’s no fun. Once he’s been extracted from the gender-diverse duo of elderly freaks, all the depth to his narrative is left behind... because they were the ones holding it. I promised back during the cyborg Tarrare arc that I wouldn’t hold the fact that Tony Tony Chopper wasn’t Reverse Santa!Carmen P. Sandiego against him, but man... when I think about how we could have had her instead of this Talking Prop... man. Holding the fact that Tony Tony Chopper was a Little Guy instead of a human against him never even crossed my mind, because species isn’t even a minuscule barrier when it comes to being a good character. But man... what the hell besides a Little Guy IS he?!
...Mind you, I’m not saying he’s necessarily gonna STAY at the bottom spot in my tier list. He has a nonzero amount of quirks, and his newborn-esque consistent unfamiliarity with just about every situation might be building towards some sort of a character arc which culminates in him being someone I’m able to like more. I just wish the writing surrounding him would lean into... well, any direction. Right now I feel like he’s just filling space in group shots.
...Wow, for the character I have the least investment in, I sure did end up being unable to shut up about Tony Tony Chopper. I think I ended up writing a longer wall of text about Tony Tony Chopper than I’ve written about the majority of One Piece’s entire chapters. Oops! My bad!
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Honestly though, why aren’t more people who want to make jokes about gender identity that don’t punch upwards taking advantage of the obvious comedic goldmine that is “proper nouns, or ‘pronouns’ for short”? “I identify as an attack helicopter” and its ilk all went stale eons ago.
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I BEAT EXAMTAKER
#that boss fight goodness gracious#'i miss judgement' i said about a million times#helltaker#helltaker spoilers
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