riptide (m) | k.sj. | (2/2)
one | two
pairing: kim seokjin x reader
rating: m (18+)
genre: angst | smut | some fluff + humor towards the end | established relationship!au
summary: It takes a foolishly trivial incident to unravel how astonishingly little you and Seokjin actually understand each other. It has you questioning your relationship, and him? Well, he’s questioning his whole life.
warnings: swearing + implied alcohol consumption + realistic relationship problems + mentions of insecurities, jealousy, complicated mental dispositions + emotional distress + sexual situations (unprotected penetrative sex, slightly rough sex, sex in a semi-public place, dirty talking, a bit of manhandling, fingering, maybe like...two spanks? idk) + mentions of masturbation + a ton of miscommunication (refer to the summary smh) + seokjin’s volatile anger at ppl calling his girlfriend “noona” lol
word count: 12.9 k
note: y’all. this fic has been a long as heck journey. and i’ve proofread it so many frickin times, i’m seriously tired of it😩 but i’ve poured my heart and soul into it, y’all, i hope you like it~ 🥺💜
💟 YOUTH – 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7
— masterlist
— feedback is always appreciated!
riptide (n) – a dangerous area of strongly moving water in the sea, where two or more currents meet.
“Yah! Jung Hoseok! Get up!” Seokjin barks, kicking the sleepy redhead’s bum with his foot. “You promised me grocery shopping!”
“Hyung?”
Seokjin turns around to find Yoongi standing at the door to Hoseok’s room, looking at him with barely open eyes. “What?” he, quite unnecessarily, snaps.
“Just so you know, he went to bed at six,” Yoongi says around a yawn.
Seokjin raises an eyebrow. “And? Is that supposed to mean something to me?”
Yoongi blinks at him. “If you’re a human being, yes, hyung. Let the poor guy sleep, I’ll go grocery shopping with you.”
Seokjin vehemently shakes his head. “No, Yoongs. These kids should learn that their actions have consequences! And that promises that they make to me, mean something.”
Yoongi rolls his eyes, very elaborately. “Please, hyung. It’s been more than six years. Stop teaching them lessons. Also, Hobi is a senior at college now. They’re hardly kids anymore!”
“Well, until they’re earning, they’ll be kids in my eyes.” Seokjin turns his nose up at Yoongi.
"This isn't how you should be venting, but you do you, I guess." Yoongi presses his lips together and shakes his head. “If he picks up leeks in place of spinach, it’s on you.”
Seokjin waves a dismissive hand to ward off Yoongi and focuses his energy back on waking the redhead up.
The guy groans after a fifteen minutes’ worth of struggle.
“Hyu~ng,” he whines as he sits up. “I even cleaned up!”
“Yes, great job with that. And that is why I held back from dumping a bucket of water on your head.”
“Hyung?”
Seokjin clicks his tongue at the new intruder. “What?” he snaps at an unsuspecting Park Jimin.
Jimin holds both his hands up in surrender. “Woah, bad time?”
“What do you want?”
A snore echoes around them. Hoseok has nodded off with his cheek pressed against the headboard, mouth hanging open.
Jimin releases a muffled laugh. “If only his mom and dad were to see him like this. Their precious wangja — oh, how college has corrupted him.”
The irony isn’t lost on Seokjin. Jimin used to be a precious pearl in high school, himself. They all suspected he even had a girlfriend, but he never talked about it openly. And look at him now. Sleeping his way through the university.
Seokjin pinches the bridge of his nose. “What do you want, Jimin?”
“Oh! Your phone was ringing, hyung,” Jimin informs him, handing said device to Seokjin. “You left it on the kitchen counter.”
Seokjin’s eyes widen when he looks down at the screen.
Pat (Agent)
1 Unread Text Message
Honey✨❤️👸
2 Missed Calls
3 Unread Text Messages
“Yeah, um. Good luck?” Jimin says with a wince before walking away.
Seokjin checks his agent's text first.
IT’S ON SATURDAY! The final run’s on Saturday, Kim!!! Make sure your abs are A+++, or else! I’ve mailed you a scanned copy of the schedule and also your updated diet/workout plan. Mail me back when you get those. Preferably TODAY? This is as imp for my career as it is for yours, okay? Focus up!
Seokjin bites down on his lip. This is all really important, top priority material, but he cannot get himself to check his mailbox before he’s talked to you.
He checks your texts.
Hey, Jin
I can’t find my driver’s license
Can you pls check and tell me if I left it in your car?
Seokjin swears under his breath as he shoots off a “sure, wait a sec,” in response, before rushing out of the room. He marches all the way to the foyer, pausing to pick up his keys and then proceeds to walk out. Unlocking his car, he stops short when he spots your ID sticking out from the crevice between the driver’s seat and its back.
He plucks the card out with a sigh.
It’s here, he texts you.
Honey✨❤️👸
Are you seeing Namjoon today? You can leave it with him if you see him, I'll pick it up from him when I see Jax later today
Seokjin pauses.
You're seeing Jackson later today?
Seokjin swears under his breath. Why are you making time for Jackson and giving him the cold shoulder?
He knows he's being unfair and unreasonable, but he can't help the flair of jealousy.
I'm not seeing joon today, he curtly responds.
Honey✨❤️👸
Oh!
Um
I’m at my usual salon w Byulyi, can you get someone to drop it off here?
No pressure, though
Seokjin rubs a hand down his face, grimacing at the immediate thought that comes to his mind.
He wants to drop the ID off to you himself. But he resists the urge, and instead tries to deflect.
Okay, I'll ask around, he texts back, proceeding to lock his car.
His phone beeps with a message. Then another, and then multiple others.
Honey✨❤️👸
Only if you have the time
If you’re not too busy
Don't worry too much about it, tho
I'm glad I haven't lost it! I can take the bus to get around
He thinks it over. What should he do?
After your considerate act of letting him catch up on some much needed rest, yesterday, by saving him from a trip to the rehearsal hall, a lot of the steam in Seokjin’s head has cooled down. So what if you discuss your relationship problems with Jackson? He is your childhood friend, it is okay. He decides he should not let his insecurity get in the way of that. Besides, doesn’t he ask for Yoongi’s advice when he finds himself in a fix? Well, whenever he can wrestle the guy into actually listening to him, that is, which is rare.
Point is, when his entire house was partying like crazy, last night, Seokjin locked himself in the bedroom—his own, this time—and told himself to not let tiny, stupid quarrels about your friendship get in the way of trying to resolve what the real trouble between the two of you is. He has never told you what to do – whom to talk to and what to talk about – and he is not about to start now. He is a much bigger man than that. Much more level-headed and secure.
At least, he tries to be.
Not that you'd ever listen, if he tried to control him. You'd probably slap him across the face and pack your bags. You're amazing like that, at knowing what you deserve and never taking shit from people.
You're amazing in general, actually. A literal manifestation of his dream girl. He believes you could pick out any guy in the world to be with you, and he would be stumbling over his feet to get to your side.
You falling for him is the best thing that's ever happened to him—not that he'd ever say those exact words to you, because you'd be sure to reprimand him about putting emotions over substantial necessities in life. But Seokjin feels lucky to be the one you chose to have you by your side. And he intends to do whatever it takes to keep it that way
On that account, Seokjin has kind of been at a loss, as well. He's nowhere close to figuring out the reason behind your simmering anger, no matter how much he might want to resolve it.
When Hoseok dragged him out for shots and a game of beer pong during last night's party, he even cornered Namjoon to try and dig out if he had somehow overhead something between you and Jackson. Or if Jackson had told Namjoon about anything. But the idiot seemed absurdly preoccupied and in a hurry, and was of no use to Seokjin. He even left before midnight, from what Seokjin recalls.
Seokjin glances down at his phone. Should he go up to you, grab you by the shoulders, give you a shake, and ask you what is up? Would that work? And also get your ID back to you in the process, maybe.
Seokjin figures it cannot hurt to try. You have barely been talking, as it is. What can be worse, right?
Seokjin breathes out.
He is more than certain that this is something you would not appreciate. When you prefer his suave self as much as you do, you are sure to run in the opposite direction if he really goes caveman on you. Which is why he won’t do that, and instead wait for you to tell him what is wrong. Like a level-headed person.
Right now, though, he really wants to help you out with this ID, he admits to himself. The way you were concerned about his well being despite your obvious annoyance of him and your general lack of benevolence when it comes to display of affection, got to his heart. It reassured him that your anger didn't mean you love him any less.
And he wants to do the same for you. Well, maybe not the anger part – he just wants to tell you that he isn't intentionally trying to be difficult. He really doesn't know what's wrong, but his love and concern for you is the same despite all the tension between you two.
But driving all the way to the salon you're at just to give you your ID would be excessive, wouldn't it? He doesn’t want to seem desperate.
He decides upon a tentative message.
I'm going to pick up groceries, right now
I'll see if I can drop it off later
His phone beeps within a minute.
Honey✨❤️👸
Hey, don't worry! I'll hop on a bus and come to your place when I'm done here
A small smile floats up on Seokjin's face. This feels good – almost the way things usually are between the two of you.
Then his phone beeps again.
Could you drop me off to Jax's later tho? If you’re not too busy
Face and elation dropping, Seokjin immediately scowls.
His phone beeps again.
No, forget about that, I'll take the bus again
I'll be at yours in an hour, okay? I'll drop a text to make sure you're home, don't worry
Scoffing, Seokjin foregoes sending you a response, and turns on his heels.
Jimin raises his eyebrows from his perch on one of the living room couches when Seokjin furiously marches back into the house. "All okay, hyung?"
"Honey keeps visiting Wang but won't tell me what the fuck is going on. All's fucking impeccable," Seokjin bellows, walking into Hoseok's room.
"They're basically siblings, hyung, please don't overthink it!" Jimin's call floats over to him, but Seokjin ignores the statement.
He picks up a stray, half filled bottle of water from the floor of Hoseok’s room, and proceeds to upturn it all over his red hair.
"Wake the fuck up, Hoseok, before I start throwing punches!"
Something is wrong with Seokjin. He’s been avoiding you.
And no, not the usual subconscious, nonchalant ignorance and neglect that he subjects you to on the regular. This time he’s doing it on purpose.
There was something off about him when you saw him yesterday, too, you recall to yourself as you make your way down to a recently vacated table with a rag. Sure, he received you gracefully when you got to the apartment and then dropped you off at Jackson's without complaint, but something wasn’t quite right. He seemed snippy and irritable. You tried asking him about the Halloween party, wondering if something must have gone wrong then — or if he was too pissed at your absence, although it was his fault that you didn’t attend because he forgot to remind you — but got one word responses.
It kind of felt like that time when you had tried to make him realize you were mad with your sarcastic quips, but this time the roles were reversed. You are smarter at this than he is, though, so you have at least figured out that he is mad quicker than he did — if he even has, that is. But you still have to discern the cause. It certainly doesn’t feel good to be on the guessing side of the table.
Later in the day, when you tried texting him to meet up, he told you he was helping Taehyung out with a crisis and wouldn't be available. You almost didn't believe him, but you know he wouldn't lie so blatantly just to avoid seeing you. Even when Seokjin gets really mad at you—which doesn’t even happen that often—he still doesn't avoid your company, choosing to make his displeasure known by acting out in your presence, instead. At the end of the day, you inferred he really must have been with Taehyung.
But then, today morning, when he refused to drive to the restaurant together, you nearly blew smoke out of your nose. This had no excuse, he is definitely trying to avoid you now – something he has never done in the past. There has been so much miscommunication between you two in the past few days, that you aren’t even certain what to say to him. Do you straightaway bring your issues up and ask him to work on them? Do you, instead, ask him why he’s acting pissed off? But what if you are dissuaded by whatever he tells you and end up avoiding having your talk with him? It is very much possible – you know yourself and your avoidance of conflict.
You don’t know where to begin and how to go about it, but you do know that you have to talk to him today.
Not that it will be easy, because you have tried to corner him on multiple occasions throughout your shift and he has skillfully dodged you every single time. It has been nearly four hours. You feel like an idiot and are growing progressively more irritated.
As you wipe down the table, you peek at the clock again. Five more minutes until lunch break — you are going to grab him by the collar and drag him to privacy. Maybe that will agitate him enough for him to spill what’s on his mind, unprompted.
Fuming, you empty the scrap wrappers on your tray into the bin and walk around the cash counter to deposit the empty tray into the dishwasher lined up near the back. You peer into the kitchen past the little glass window on the door that separates it from the counter area, and spot Seokjin.
He is working the shrimps with a pout of concentration on his face, peeling them with expert, practised motions of his gloved fingers. You sigh at the sight. Seokjin is never anything less than handsome, but there is something especially attractive about him when he’s in his element. Your fingers curl into a fist, stomach swooping.
You’re not supposed to get turned on by him when you have a whole sea of issues and things to talk about between the two of you. Maybe the acute lack of any sexual contact between the two of you for more than three months now is getting to you. Not that you have been completely sexually abstinent — you indulge in long, drawn out sessions of working yourself up in the privacy of your bedroom, or the bathtub, whenever it gets too much and you really have to unwind. But, that could never compare to what you share with Seokjin. Or used to, at this point, because you really have no idea how long this dry spell is gonna last for.
“Table three!” the cashier announces, and you jump, snapping out of your thoughts.
You were seriously daydreaming about the lack of sex in your relationship in the middle of a restaurant, at work. What have you come to?
“On it!” you announce, taking a deep breath as you walk away from the door to the kitchen.
When you round the counter, you find the family of four that had occupied the table you were headed to, at the billing desk. You pass them a pleasant smile with a bow, the four of them nod back with matching grins. You pick up your rag from the drying rack and walk up to their vacated table to toss their trash and wipe it down.
“Okay, guys, meal break!”
You exhale in relief, making a quick work of the trash in the tray in your hands before slipping into the backroom. You shed off your apron, realising you’re one of the first people to have entered the locker room. Moving to the bathroom to quickly freshen up, you hastily tie your pinned back hair into a knot at the top of your head. You scrub your face with your face wash, because missing it even once is going to have you waking up with breakouts all over your forehead tomorrow. You hurry through the process, though, and rush back out into a bustling locker room.
You look across the curtained excuse for a partition to glance at the men’s side. No sign of Seokjin.
You curse under your breath, looking around for one of the helpers that work in the kitchen. One younger boy catches your eye and bows in greeting.
“Seokjin-ssi went out to the breakroom with his lunch,” he tells you without you even having to ask.
This time, you curse out loud. Quickly grabbing your own lunch, you nearly sprint through the doors of the breakroom to get to the booth where you usually sit with Seokjin. And then you stop.
He’s sitting there with someone. A girl, to be specific.
You walk up to them on leaden legs, only to exhale in relief when you realize it’s Taehyung’s girlfriend. You belatedly recall Seokjin’s texts about being involved in solving Taehyung’s crisis. Maybe it had to do with his relationship.
But none of it does anything to ease your anger. You cross your hands against your chest. “So, now you have engagements during lunch, too.” You say, causing the two heads to whip your way. Taehyung’s girlfriend’s face goes from nervous to downright horrified. Seokjin simply works his jaw, unreadable eyes giving away nothing. “Great. Just great.”
You twist on your heels, rushing back into the locker room.
This is all supremely ridiculous. As if Seokjin wasn’t doing a good enough job of avoiding you himself, fate sent help his way.
Just as you’re aggressively stomping around the locker room while secretly hoping Seokjin would follow you back, your phone pings with a message. You eagerly open it.
And then you wane.
Jax 🚽
Hey
You at work?
You scowl. Where else would you be? You tell him as much.
Jax 🚽
K, great. I’m coming over with some guys
Remember that frat I told you about? It’s them
I want a 20% off
You scoff.
Me
They’re welcome to the restaurant
But I’m not giving you discounts from my paycheck
Jax 🚽
Asdkjsdflkdfkl okay 10%?
I'll treat you to gelato later!
Come on, lemme build a good rapport!!
Please??? 🥺
Me
Oh my god, Jax
Don’t use gelato against me like that 😩
5% and not a CENT more
Jax🚽
Yessssss
You’re literally my best bitch!!!!
Love you love you love you
Your break ends in five minutes right? We’ll be there in ten
Me
I’m nobody’s bitch, Wang!
And yes, come along
You roll your eyes, but the action is fond. At least Jackson and his bunch of misfits will get your mind off your boyfriend’s attitude. You decide to forego lunch, too much on your mind for you to actually enjoy a meal.
You walk into the dining area of the restaurant and make your way to the cashier who has just come back from her break. “Hey, Rose, I have some friends coming over in a while. They’re getting five percent off on my account.”
Rose gives a small laugh. “Oh, no. You and discounts? How?”
You huff. “Gelatos were involved.”
“No, that’s a low blow!” Rose dramatically places a hand on her chest.
You laugh out loud, soon joined in by Rose. Just as you’re ensuring that all the tables have a copy of the laminated menus on it, a group of boys enters the restaurant, bringing in raucous laughter in their wake. You look up to spot Jackson among the four guys. You beam at him.
Walking over to their table once they’re settled in, you grin at the four boys. “Hello, guys.”
Jackson introduces you to the boys, telling them your name and the fact that your boyfriend works here, too.
“Hey!” one of the boys speaks up at the mention of Seokjin’s name. “Yugyeom, here, must know him!”
The guy—Yugyeom—looks up at you with wide eyes and gives a nod. “I share classes with Jungkook. He’s a friend of Seokjin-ssi’s.”
“I’m Mark, by the way,” the guy from earlier introduces himself.
“Jinyoung,” the fourth and the final — and admittedly the most put together for a college student — guy of the group introduces himself with a smile.
“Right. Yugyeom, Max, Jinyoung,” you reiterate, pointing a finger at each of the guys to confirm that you’ve captured their names well. “Nice to meet you all.”
“Hey, can we see Jin?” Jackson asks you just as you’re leaving to let them ponder their orders. “If he’s not too busy around the kitchen? I’d like to say hi.”
You frown, confused at the request. You give him a stilted nod, anyway. “I’ll — I’ll ask him if he’s available.”
Jackson grins at you and you see something conspiratorial in his eyes, but your mind is way too preoccupied to actually, properly interpret what it is.
You walk towards the kitchen, knocking once to get the attention of one of the helpers. He peeks at you through the window. “Yes?”
“One of the customers is asking for Seokjin. Ask him to get to table eight if he’s got time.”
The boy nods and walks away. You try to peek in, but are able to catch no glimpse of Seokjin.
The next fifteen minutes have you flurrying between the counter area and the boys’ table with the myriad of orders they’ve placed. These idiots are really ordering over thirty dollars worth of food per person at a Mexican restaurant. Your average customers hardly order up to ten. You shoot a menacing glare at Jackson. He wanted you to pay twenty percent of this?
You exhale as you place the last burrito bowl next to Jinyoung, nodding when he gives you a wide, dimpled smile.
“Hey, the restaurant’s not busy, where are you rushing off to?”
You cock an eyebrow at Jackson.
“I mean, have a seat!”
As you gape at your silver haired best friend, Mark and Yugyeom also join in. “Yeah, sit with us!”
“Guys, I work here!”
“You can get up when another customer comes in, come on,” Mark suggests.
You turn to look at Rose, who gives you a thumbs-up with a reassuring nod. You sigh.
The only vacant place is next to Jinyoung on the wall-mounted sofa. You move to pull up a stool from the adjoining table when Jackson puts his arm in your way. “We have plenty of room here, where are you going?”
You turn to look up at Jinyoung. He shifts further inside, patting the place next to him cutely. “Please.”
Skittering on your feet, you awkwardly perch in the provided space. You are not being crowded and have plenty of personal space — not to mention how Jackson is seated on your open side of the table and there’s literally no reason for you to be uncomfortable, but you still are. You fidget with your hands in your lap, trying and failing to keep up with the conversations around you.
Suddenly, a hand taps the table in front of you. You look to the side to spot Jinyoung smiling at you. “You’ve been a graduate from our university, right?”
You smile. “Yes. I was an anthropology major.”
“I know, I am pursuing a master's in your major. I saw your name in the department’s ace students’ plaque. You were a gold medalist.”
“Oh, yeah, I was really passionate about anthropology back then. Planned on pursuing a Master’s, a PhD, and everything.” You shrug. “But then I participated in a photoshoot and my life took a turn.”
Jinyoung smiled. “Well, I hope you have no regrets. Modelling suits you, sunbaenim.”
“I don’t. But the compliment is appreciated.” You formally tilt your head at him with a small smile. “And you don’t have to call me that,” you add, shaking your head at the address. “This is not a professional setting. I’m meeting you as Jax’s friends, not your senior.”
“You’re still older than me, though. Shall I call you noona, then?”
Your eyes widen at his forwardness, mind immediately flashing back to the time when Yoongi took to calling you that, playfully, and Seokjin lost his mind. He got so uncharacteristically enraged and irrational that he forced all of the boys to address you by the pet name he gave you. It was awkward and really frustrating for you to be called “honey” by seven guys. But gradually, it turned into “Honey noona,” and at this point “Honey” almost feels like your name to you.
While you’re still staring at Jinyoung with your eyes wide at his question, a familiar hand is placed on your shoulder. “No, Park, you may not. Sunbaenim should do.”
You nearly break your neck in the process of turning to look behind you. Seokjin has a very fake grin plastered on his face while his eyes glare at Jinyoung. Does he know the guy? You didn’t even know his surname.
“Hyung!” Jackson jumps from his seat next to where Seokjin stands, clapping his back as he forcibly traps your boyfriend in a hug. “How have you been? It’s been so long!”
Seokjin peels Jackson off himself with a grimace. “I’m okay. You, though.” He squints. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”
Jackson’s grin falls, wide eyes flying to yours. You shrug, and his jaw falls open. Seokjin turns to you.
“You look cosy, Honey. I’ve never met these friends of yours,” Seokjin icily comments, his huge, teeth-flashing grin as fake as Jackson’s hair color.
You immediately spring up from your seat. “Uh, these are Jackson’s friends, Jin. Yugyeom, Mark and… Jinyoung,” you hesitantly announce their names, mentally hoping Seokjin would have enough sense to not punch someone in the nose at his workplace. “I met them just today.”
“Oh!” Seokjin’s eyebrows raise. “Your social skills are fabulous, babe. I really couldn’t tell you were sitting with strangers.”
You barely hold back your wince. Seokjin doesn’t get jealous easily—or ever, really—but he’s been on some sort of edge since yesterday, so you really do not know why he’s doing whatever he’s doing. You desperately want to give him a piece of your mind for his passive aggressive taunts when all you were doing was being hospitable. But you keep your thoughts to yourself because you don't want to cause a scene in front of all these people.
“Come on, hyung, we’re hardly strangers,” Jinyoung says, surprising you. “We come from the same home town, the same school,” he adds as a means of explanation.
Taken aback at the unexpected revelation, you look at Seokjin to confirm. He’s shooting daggers at Jinyoung. It’d be in your best interest to not intervene. You roll your lips into your mouth, really uncomfortable with the atmosphere, and stealthily try to skulk away from the table.
“I remember, Park. You didn’t come here for graduation?” Seokjin’s voice is still lined with venom, but at least he’s making some sort of conversation instead of beating his chest like a gorilla.
“I went abroad,” Jinyoung simply answers, looking slightly chastised for some reason.
While Seokjin shakes hands with the other two, you try to sneak away. But then—
“Honey! Can I have a word?” he announces, drawing everybody’s — even Rose’s — attention to the two of you.
Caught with your eyes wide and mouth open, all you can do is nod. You delicately walk up to the entrance to the locker rooms and wait for him.
He is by your side in less than a minute, gripping at your elbow and walking the two of you inside the locker room. He doesn’t stop there, though, and proceeds to enter the washroom. Once inside, he spins you away from him and turns to lock the door.
You wrap your arms around yourself, irritated, confused, intimidated and a teensy bit turned on because your boyfriend looks really sexy with his white, nearly transparent, shirt stretched over his glorious shoulders. His clenched teeth that accentuate his already razor sharp jawline don’t help the matters, either.
Seokjin doesn’t face you for a while.
“Um, Jin?” you mumble, and that prompts him to turn around, step over to you, grip you by your upper arms and press you against the shut door — all in one blink of your eye.
He is breathing heavily and looking at you from beneath tightly lowered brows. He looks sexy as sin. You bite your lip to physically prevent yourself from voicing your thoughts, or—God forbid—moan.
Seokjin’s eyes immediately drop to your mouth, and you realize that it might not have been the best course of action to take when you see his irises darken. “All I want to know is,” he begins in a low voice, and you barely hold yourself back from shuddering, “why did I find my girlfriend of five years flirting with a lecherous frat boy, just now?”
Your mouth falls open on a gasp. “What? I wasn’t—”
“Yeah, but he was, and you weren’t stopping him.”
You blink. He was flirting with you? Have you really gotten so immune to other guys’ charms that you don’t even notice their flirting anymore? You swallow. You really are too far gone for this man. This man — who is trying to confront you in his sweat soaked shirt, looking like a five-course meal.
You sigh.
"Where's all this jealous rage coming from, Jin?" you ask, raising your chin up at him.
His eyes widen. "Where's—are you serious? What's going on with you? You're freezing me out even though you're clearly mad at something and you know nothing can be resolved if you don't talk to me about it," Seokjin starts off high pitched, enraged but his voice becomes thicker towards the end. "But then you're having the time of your day talking to Jackson Wang, and now even some random frat boy he brought in. What are you trying to tell me? That just about any guy in the world is worth your time and attention, but not your boyfriend?"
You are stilled into silence at his outburst. You realize that none of what he's saying can be dismissed as him going too far, because from a neutral point of view, your lack of communication with Seokjin does paint you in a bad light. You belatedly realize that you actually have ended up making him feel the way you’ve felt for months, despite not really intending to anymore.
You suck in a breath.
"No, Jin. Of course not, that's not true. I – I was going to talk to you, but then—"
"But then Park fucking Jinyoung swept you off your feet and you couldn't be bothered anymore!" Seokjin huffs out, stepping away as he leans back against the bathroom counter.
You frown. "Okay, now that's unfair. Number one, nobody swept me off my feet, I was just trying to be polite because he's a student in my major and Jackson's friend. Number two, you really need to stop whining about Jackson, Jin, he's literally my brother." You pinch the bridge of your nose when Seokjin still doesn't meet your eyes, moodily looking away. "And three, I've been trying to catch a hold of you since yesterday, but you've been avoiding me like the fucking plague!"
Seokjin's eyebrows drop down in a frown. "Two objections to raise," he says, holding a finger up. "Jackson might be like your brother but he is not your brother. And that makes a difference. And—"
"Do you not trust me, Jin? Is that what this is? And suddenly? I've known him since we were twelve, you've known about him since the day you and I met, and you're having problems now? Pardon me if I'm confused."
Seokjin looks away, and you sigh in relief. At least he hasn't lost all of his marbles, yet. "I… am sorry. I've been in a weird state of mind. That's no excuse, though, so sorry again."
You exhale. "And about Jinyoung—"
"Don't say his name like that!" Seokjin stands straight, glaring at you with fists clenched at his sides.
You gape at him. "Jin. Stop being a jealous idiot and let me talk!"
"You know what? No."
"What do you mean no?"
"No, I won't let you talk."
"What the—"
"Unless you wanna talk about why you've been mad at me."
You’ve never really seen him let his emotions be on such a blatant display before. And you are not complaining, even when he is pissing you off with his words.
You take a deep, calming breath.
"This is hardly the time to discuss it, Jin. I'll talk about it tonight, okay?" You glance at your wrist watch. "We've been in here for too long, I need to—"
"Go back to those fuck boys?"
You gasp. "Kim Seokjin, are you fucking kidding me, right now? I'm working! And so are you!"
Seokjin rolls his eyes. "There was literally nobody else in the dining hall, Honey. Just Wang and his group of frat fuckers."
You grimace at the new adjective, but shake your head. "Pull yourself together and stop being this person that I know you're not, Jin. Let me go back to do my job."
Rolling your eyes, you turn around to unlock the door.
“Are you really that desperate for attention?” Seokjin hisses behind you, a palm coming up to cover your hand, effectively stopping you from unlatching the door. "A little frat boy flirts with you and you cannot wait to go hopping back to him. Are you really that desperate? Are you?"
He has never talked to you this way. Never.
It’s kinda exciting.
Seokjin grabs you by the shoulders and turns you around, pressing your back flat against the door because of how much he has stepped up into your space. He moves further in, though, and you gasp when your breasts are crushed against his chest.
You look up to find him glaring at you with stormy eyes, lips pulled up in an almost sneer.
You gulp.
He's borderline manhandling you right now, and instead of getting offended, you are finding it incredibly sexy. It’s not your fault you like to be rough in bed, it is his for being rough outside of it and reminding you of the fact. It’s also his fault that you two haven’t had sex in forever. You squeeze your thighs together, embarrassed at the wetness you can feel collecting between them.
You exhale, defiantly rolling your shoulders back. The action crushes your bodies together further, and a rushed breath leaves Seokjin. So he isn't completely unaffected, huh?
“And what if I am?" you challenge as a means to answer his question. "I haven’t been getting any from you, am I?”
Even though you just told him that this isn’t the best situation — or the best way — to bring up the issues you have with him, nobody said anything about not taunting him about them. He deserves at least that after all the stupidly jealous accusations and demeaning words he just tossed at you.
Seokjin seems to be surprised by your response, his eyes momentarily flashing. But then his teeth grind, and you can see his jaw working. You try to control your uneven breathing.
“Is that so? You should’ve said something,” Seokjin whispers, leaning close enough for you to be doused in his scent and feel the warmth of his breath on your lips. “I would’ve lavished you in my undivided attention.”
You barely have the time to shut your eyes, least of all decipher his innuendo, before his lips descend on yours.
You gasp into his mouth, welcoming the feeling of his plump lips pressing against yours. He keeps it chaste despite the nio you deliver to his upper lip, running his palms over your collarbones and up your neck to cradle your head. Your own hands come up to clutch at his shoulders and you desperately tilt your head, licking at his soft lips. He presses up his entire body against yours in response, crushing your frame between himself and the door.
This — you’ve missed this.
Whining breathlessly, you suck his full lower lip into your mouth, lapping at it like a starved woman. Seokjin groans, reaching with a hand to rip off your apron and then untuck your shirt from your skirt.
You chase after his lips when he pulls away, separating with a wet pop. Your eyes try to focus on his dishevelled appearance, but he ducks his head to attach his swollen lips to your neck, gripping onto the bare skin of your waist under your shirt to hold you against him.
Your eyes roll back in euphoria, legs stumbling and struggling to keep you up as he devours the column of your throat.
You have missed thisso, so much.
His tongue licks up a path to curl behind your ear, teeth closing in to nibble at you earlobe, and you—
You groan from deep within your gut, eyes fluttering shut as you encase your lower lip in your mouth. His skillful tongue rolls around the pearl you wear on your earlobe before he pulls away with a teasing nip behind your ear.
You shudder, desperate hands clutching in his shirt as he moves to rest his forehead against yours. You shakily open your eyes, gazing at him past the hazy veil of arousal. His eyes are nearly all black, lips glistening and tendrils of hair stick to his forehead from perspiration.
You whimper at the sight.
Seokjin’s fingers dig further into the flesh of your waist, hard enough to leave bruises, and he bites his lip. “My sweet, sweet baby,” he murmurs, leaning in to brush his lips against yours. One of his hands leaves your waist to travel below, fingers curling over the curve of your ass. He gives it a tight squeeze, looking at you with shuttered eyes when your breath stutters. “When you walked away, they looked at this like they had a right to. As if they could ever do more than just look. As if they could ever,” he murmurs and then pauses, fingers climbing down to your thigh and then climbing up beneath your skirt until his palm is massaging your bare ass cheek, “touch it like this.”
His fingers slip past the waistband of your panties with ease, travelling down towards your center. You look down at his chest, feeling your cheeks heat up when his fingers encounter wetness in their path, even before they’ve reached your core.
“Oh,” Seokjin breathes out, pulling you impossibly closer to him by wrapping his whole arm around your waist. "You're soaked, baby," he murmurs into your forehead. "Did you need something?"
You tremble in his hold. “I…” you can feel your juices nearly flooding your panties as Seokjin’s fingers feather over your slit. “It’s just — it’s been a while.”
You look up to see his brows furrowed a bit. “That it has, hasn’t it?”
You merely blink before you’re being spun around and pressed up against the bathroom’s counter. “Jin!” you admonish him when he lifts your skirt up to bare your ass to him.
But you make no move to stop him — something that doesn’t go unnoticed by him and gets you rewarded by a mockingly raised eyebrow through the mirror.
You gulp, moving your gaze away from him as you grip onto the ledge of the counter. “I need to go—”
“You’re not going anywhere until I’m done with you." Seokjin's tone rings with finality.
You freeze in your place. Your eyes fly up to find his in the mirror, but he is already focussed on the flesh of your naked rear.
One of his arms holds your bent waist. “You look so sexy like this, Honey. Bend a little for me, baby.”
Your mind yells at you to walk out of the place in outrage, but your body is already complying before the thought has even completely formed in your mind.
“Perfect.”
You shut your eyes when you feel him pull away the crotch of your panties. Even the bathroom’s stuffy air feels cold to you due to all the moisture that has slathered all over your pussy.
But the next moment your eyes spring wide open when his fingers slide into you. His mouth is open and lustful eyes are trained at your center. “Oh, yes. Look at them glide right in. You’re so wet for me, aren’t you, baby?”
You nod, frantically, voice dying in your throat. You choose, instead, to bend further, folding your arms on the counter and resting your head over them. Another finger joins in inside of you, and you groan.
“Ah, that’s it, Honey. You’re the best girl, you know that? My best girl,” Seokjin suddenly growls, his languid fingers suddenly taking on a hard pace.
You bite your lip to prevent yourself from screaming out, but some muffled whimpers still seep out.
"Aren't you, baby?"
At your frantic nod, he smacks a palm across your ass. "Say it!"
Your breath hitches. "I… I… I'm your best girl, Jin," you mumble, sounding stifled. "Only yours."
"That's right. Only mine.” He curls his fingers in you, rubbing tenderly.
This time you’re unable to hold back your mewl of pleasure.
“Uh huh, let yourself be heard. Park motherfucking Jinyoung better hear you scream my name.”
Seokjin grunts, suddenly switching to a breakneck speed, fucking you with three of his fingers.
You thrash against the counter, legs barely able to stay upright. Seokjin’s grip on your waist is the only thing holding you in place.
And then he suddenly pulls his fingers off you.
You look up at him through the mirror with an enraged gasp. “Jin!”
He doesn't even look at you while quickly unbuttoning his pants. “No, baby, you look too sexy. I have to have you, right now.”
You try to gather yourself, rearranging your feet to get yourself a firmer stance, and wipe at the sweat gathered on your forehead.
And then he’s there — his glorious length pushing at your entrance. You bite your bottom lip, big eyes meeting his hooded ones in the mirror.
Nerves suddenly grip you. It’s been months since your last sexual encounter with him. You’re pretty sure the last orgasm given to you by Seokjin had been—
Holy shit, it was more than three months ago!
Irrational thoughts plague you. What if you’ve forgotten how to move your hips? What if your clit doesn’t like being touched by him anymore?
What if you bark when you reach your high?
“Baby,” Seokjin whispers, and past the cloud of lust thickening his voice, you can hear his sincerity. “Do you want this?”
You nod, nibbling on your lip.
Seokjin frowns, pulling back a bit. “Are you — are you sure? You look nervous as hell. I am not trying to force—”
“I know, Jin, and I want it! I want you, baby. I just…” You look away from him. “I’m just nervous because it’s been a while.”
Seokjin exhales. “I realize that. And I’m sorry.” He presses close again, his tip rubbing against your slit. You sharply look up on a gasp. He gives you a smoldering smirk through the mirror. “Promise to make up for it?”
Your cheeks are pink when you nod, before your breath is knocked out of you when he fills you in a single stroke.
“Fuck, baby…you’re dripping…”
You really are. The pain you’d expected because of how wide you have been stretched after so long, is replaced by a muted sting due to your arousal coating your opening so well.
He feels deliciously big inside of you. The stretch burns a little, because it really has been a while, but the pressure on your walls is more than welcome. Time has done nothing to change your body — your cunt still opens up to swallow him like it was made to do it. He fits inside of you like he belongs there.
Which he does.
"You okay?" he whispers, his restraint spilling off his tight voice.
You nod to him in the mirror with your chest heaving. “Please…"
"Please?" he's suddenly taunting you. "Please what, baby?"
"Please move," you harshly grit out, never one to cower from his sexual presence, no matter how intimidating it might be. "Please fuck me."
"As my baby wishes."
His other hand comes down to hold the other side of your waist as he drags his hips back, his cock massaging your walls the sweetest form of torment you know.
And then he pushes back in at the same, drawn out speed. He brushes against that spot inside of you directly from this position, but he is not being fast enough or hard enough to actually push against it the way you need him to.
He pulls out again, and you hold your breath, walls involuntarily clenching around him to pull him back. But then he re-enters you slowly, again, and you wail in frustration.
“Hush, quit whining,” he gruffly mumbles, taking a hand off your waist to smack at your butt cheek. “Let me feel his pussy properly.”
You bite on your lip, sighing in pleasure when he grabs onto the flesh of your ass for better grip.
He keeps up with his lethargic pace for a while, and your impatience piles on.
“Baby… faster,” you breathe out, pleading with your face still buried in your arms. You push your ass back against him. "Please…"
“Holy shit, baby, I can’t handle it when you beg me like that,” Seokjin says under his breath, cursing as he wraps his arm around your waist to hold you tightly against him.
And then he turns ravenous.
“Jin—ah!” you gasp, mouth falling open as he drives into you with fury, hips snapping against your ass in a blur as he pants into your nape.
“Holy fuck… you’re gripping me so good,” he huffs out, already sounding as out of breath as you feel. “This pussy missed me, huh, Honey?”
You feel yourself flush at the gushing between your legs. You have a thing for his mouth, in every possible sense of the word.
You nod. “Yes. Yes, Jin, missed you so much…”
“Yeah?” he rasps, his other hand rounding your body to sneak beneath your skirt and past the waistband of your underwear, finding your bundle of nerves with practised ease. "Missed this? Missed my hand on this little bud?"
You shriek when he presses his finger against your clit, sloppily flicking the swollen, slippery nub with his nail. His pace never relents, arm digging into your abdomen as he holds you up.
"Yes baby," you brokenly rumble. "Missed – missed your hand… and your cock…"
"Oh, I know you did, baby." His thumb takes over for his finger, proceeding to draw tight circles over your clit. "I missed this pussy, too…"
Your breath is coming in gasps, eyes rolled to the back of your head as you bounce against Seokjin. His ministrations over your clit make sparks climb across your body, indicating your release closing in.
You moan aloud when he delivers a particularly harsh thrust, causing you to drop back against the counter. He leans over you, thumb never moving from your center as his hips slam against your ass.
"That's it, Honey," he breathes into your hair, head dipping to sponge wet kisses against the back of your neck. "Let me hear you."
You release your bottom lip from your mouth, allowing sounds to freely tumble out of your mouth. "Holy fucking hell, you feel so good…Jin, I'm—I'm close…"
Seokjin lets go of your waist and you nearly tumble before tightening your grip against the counter. His hand comes back to curve along your front and grip at your boob, massaging your soft flesh from above your shirt and bra.
Fire licks at the bottom of your stomach. His scent enveloping you, the overwhelming essence of him being wrapped around you so intimately drives you closer to the edge with every ferocious thrust of his cock into you.
His thumb suddenly pauses and presses down on your clit, roughly. You gasp, nearly coming undone at the sensation. "Jin!"
"Hmm?" he murmurs, contently nuzzling your neck as if his dick isn't trying to murder your pussy.
"Jin… I'm so close, baby…"
You groan when he squeezes your boob harder, the nail of a finger scratching your pebbling nipple, and your body jerks forward in response despite the double clothing layer.
"Seokjin~"
"My baby needs to come?" he speaks in a voice that sounds nothing like him — all throaty and guttural and breathy.
"Yes! Please, baby, I need to—ah!"
“Come on then, Honey. Cream my cock,” he murmurs into your hair.
You scream when he pinches your clit, nails digging into your sensitive flesh, and you unravel.
Hot, molten pleasure roils in your stomach, floodgates knocked open as the coil snaps. Your mouth opens on a long, drawn out groan of Seokjin's name, walls of your cunt fluttering around him as you explode on him.
You tremble against him, hips stuttering as you come down from your high while Seokjin fucks you through it, momentarily slowed down.
"That's it, baby, that's my Honey. Let it all go, fuck, you're doing so good," he softly mumbles to you.
If you were haggard before, now you feel positively boneless, ready to collapse on the floor in a heap. But Seokjin holds you up, the hand on your breast now holding your waist against his body in a firmer grip than before. He fucks into you fast and hard, then, eyes noticeably tracing your sweaty neck as you look at him in the mirror through your own barely open ones.
It's a couple of thrusts more before his head drops to your shoulder, body wrung tight as he grunts a string of your name. His hips slowly buck into you as he finishes inside of you.
You give a shaky exhale, head leaning back against him. He takes a step back, pulling you with him, and rests against the wall behind him. You meet his eyes in the mirror, both of you panting with your whole bodies.
"So… that was something," he says, sounding and seeming as if in disbelief.
Well, he is right. It was something. And you are in disbelief too.
You covertly right your panties, grimacing when you encounter a thick fluid coating the tops of your thighs. You try to ignore the gross sensation and pull your panties back over your mound, before tugging your skirt back down.
"We just fucked at our workplace," you mumble, astonishment and, unwittingly, something a lot like awe coloring your tone. "In the fucking bathroom, holy sh—"
"You think someone heard us?" Seokjin asks, sounding more amused than embarrassed.
You gulp, eyes widening. "I certainly hope not."
His hands still tenderly hold onto your waist from behind as you two converse through the mirror.
"Well, I hope Park Jinyoung heard it," Seokjin says with a frown.
You twist in his arms to slap his chest. But then you notice his undone belt and unbuttoned pants, and get to work on them. "Your jealousy got too out of hand. And totally uncalled for, too."
Seokjin rolls his eyes. "You don't know the inside of men's brain the way I do. Every smile you tossed his way was interpreted as one more step closer to getting you into bed with him."
You purse your lips at him. "Well, he wouldn't have succeeded. We both know that."
Seokjin gives you a tiny smirk. "That we do. But it is still disrespectful. Flirting with an older woman so blatantly when she's not only in a relationship, but in a relationship with his senior from school? So very disrespectful."
You pat at his cheek. "Stop stressing over it, Jinnie. He's irrelevant. And, to be honest… I hadn't even noticed him flirting until you mentioned it."
Seokjin gives a laugh. "You're blind to your own beauty, babe. It's almost cute how oblivious you can be." He leans in to plant a quick kiss on your lips. "You know you’re the only thing in this world that I love more than my face, right? That should tell you how amazing you are. I love you so fucking much, Honey."
Despite his dorkiness, your insides flush.
Being bent over and fucked didn't make you blush the way Seokjin's passionate love confession does. You can't recall when was the last time you heard him do it so intimately. Lately, it has just been a casually flicked "love you" as he's dropping you home. Or even worse, a small "ly" after his good night texts.
This, though… you've missed this, too.
"I love you too, Jin. I love you so much," you whisper, resting your head against his collarbone.
"Um… you know—"
There's a loud rapping at the door. "Seokjin! Are you in there?"
You both jump apart, horrified eyes moving to the door.
Seokjin clears his throat, opening and closing his mouth with hesitation. At your nod, he moves closer to the door. "Yuh—yes! Yes, I'm in here! I think I caught a stomach bug!"
You purse your lips together to keep yourself from giggling.
"I told you that salad had been sitting out of the fridge for too long!"
"Sorry, Dan!"
"And where's your girl? Rose has been looking for her for over half an hour!"
You look at Seokjin, completely clueless. But he gives you a reassuring nod. "What? I have no idea! Tell Rose to text her or something. I'll call her when I'm free from here!"
"You do that. And take the rest of the day off if it's too bad!"
Seokjin grins at you. "Okay, Dan!"
As soon as Dan has left, the two of you rush around to right your appearances to the best of your capabilities. But water and aprons can only help so much, and there's nothing to be done about how radiant the post-orgasmic bliss makes the two of you look.
Later, you both sneak out of the bathroom, grab your bags, and then sneak out of the restaurant through the fire exit in the locker rooms, like mischievous teenagers, while hoping and praying you don't encounter any familiar faces on your way out.
When you've reached the safety of Seokjin's car, you shoot off a text to Rose, stating a twisted ankle as an emergency, and tell her to mark you off for the rest of the day. The restaurant's been slow for a while, you're positive the remaining staff of four servers won't miss you.
Seokjin sends a similar text to his supervisor.
And then you sigh. "Okay. Now what?"
Seokjin backs the car out of the parking lot. "Well, we obviously go back to my place, shower, and continue with what we started."
Your body thrums in excitement even as your brows jump up. "Wha—really?"
Seokjin's dark eyes meet yours. "Unless you don't want to?"
You suck in a breath. "I do. I do want to. I've…missed being with you."
"So have I." Seokjin gives you a soft smile, nodding. But then he grins. "But that's not what you were saying you had missed—"
"Seokjin, I swear to God—"
Seokjin wakes up in the late hours of the evening, with you entwined in his arms under the blanket. His stomach is protesting for some food, his salad from the morning very much worked out of his system through the span of the afternoon.
He fondly smiles at your sleeping figure. You look so cute with your lips pouting and eyes blissfully shut. He pecks your forehead.
Slowly sliding away from your hold, Seokjin sits up at the edge of the bed, reaching for his boxers that are tossed on the floor. He dresses himself up in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt before stretching his body and quietly padding out of the room.
He has his “very important” audition at the end of this week. He’s set to spend some extra hours in the gym and keep a very sharp grip on his diet. He mentally recalls the diet list his agent mailed him yesterday as he thinks up snacking ideas.
He has just opened the refrigerator for some fruit, when Yoongi accosts him.
"So, I see Honey is back. Happy to know you two made up."
Seokjin pauses, unsure. Have you made up?
He would like to think so.
"Uh, not sure," he mumbles, fetching out two apples and a container of strawberries. "We still have stuff to talk about."
Yoongi stares at him for a few moments, eyes slightly squinted. "What's going on, hyung? From what I understand, Honey is upset with you and you don't know why. The obvious thing would be to ask her about it. What's the hold up?"
Seokjin shrugs. "Shouldn't she tell me herself? Why is she trying to get me to guess? Everybody knows I'm bad at it."
"Well, I don't think it's unfair of her to want her boyfriend to know what's wrong without her having to tell him." Yoongi cocks an eyebrow and Seokjin scowls.
"Well, then, I don't think I have the kind of time on my hand to brainstorm it that much," Seokjin grumpily says, chopping the apple with a little more force than necessary.
"And I think that is where the problem lies."
His head snaps up to frown at Yoongi. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Yoongi rolls his eyes. "What I mean is that you would rather choose to stir up a shitstorm because you're upset about her, hyung, but you would still choose to put on this strong, unaffected persona before her. You've never, and I mean never, let your emotional side be open in front of her," Yoongi says with absolute conviction. "You would go crazy with worry over her if she's out late at night and hasn't texted you properly. And when she eventually would, you would act like it wasn't a big deal and you hadn't even thought about it. Even if you had lost hours of sleep over it."
Seokjin blinks at Yoongi, absorbing his words, and realising how right he is.
"I've known you a long time, hyung. Since before Honey came into your life. You've somehow always been a different person with her. This stone cold, practical guy who is career oriented, values success over friends and family and doesn't show his emotions. I bet she's never even seen you cry. And it just doesn't make sense why that is."
Seokjin exhales. He doesn't ever really think about it this way, because most of the time he has a shit load of things running in his head for him to actually slow down and think about things. But Yoongi is onto something – Seokjin has changed ever since you came into his life, and he's loathe to admit that the process hasn't been as natural as one would think.
And despite his very concrete belief that you prefer him to be this way, he does sometimes feel lost and tired by having to constantly keep himself in line.
He is a bit sad when he clears his throat. “I don’t think Honey needs me to be any other way than this, Yoongi. This is how she fell in love with me — this is how she likes me to be.”
Yoongi gapes at him. “What? That doesn’t even make any sense. Are you trying to say that you’re putting on this facade of being strong because you think your girlfriend wants you to?”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Well, has she ever said she prefers for you to not cry and be a thick headed idiot? No offence.”
Seokjin rolls his eyes. “No, but she doesn’t have—”
“No, hyung, then it is that simple.” Yoongi scoffs. “You’re making crazy assumptions and doing something really destructive to yourself. And your relationship.”
“Yoongi…”
“No, hyung, if your girlfriend wants you to be a certain way for her to love you, then you shouldn’t even be together!”
Seokjin puts the knife down and rounds the kitchen counter to sit down next to Yoongi. He cups his palms over his mouth and shuts his eyes for a moment to clear his head.
“It isn’t like that, Yoongs,” he mumbles. “I just… I want her to be by my side forever. She has never asked me to be anything. But I can… tell what she wants out of me, okay?”
Seokjin knows he has let his insecurities and doubts during the beginning of your relationship get the better of him and built this bubble around him that, even five years down the line, is much too difficult for him to come out of. He doesn't even know how to, at this point, because he has gotten so used to being like this. He has somehow hard-wired his brain to believe in it. And he does believe in it most of the time, but Yoongi’s words have thrown him for a loop.
It really is bad for him to be in a relationship with someone that wants him to be a certain way for her to love him, isn’t it?
But do you even really want him to be the way he thinks you do?
He decides to share everything with Yoongi.
"When I… when we met, she had this huge crush on me. You remember the magazine shoot from the first week of my freshman year?" At Yoongi's nod, he smiles and continues, "well, she'd seen that and liked it. A bit too much." He shakes his head, fondly. "Byulyi was her roommate, back then. She was majoring in photography, so I had met her during the shoot. She got the two of us together to pose for her semester project. We got to know each other, and… fell in love, eventually."
Seokjin exhales.
"It somewhat stuck with me that she'd had a crush on a supposed model, and not the clumsy fuck of a person I actually was. So I started to act that way. Always being perfectly put together around her, not a single hair out of place. And it helped that she was always prim and proper to the tee, too. There was this subconscious thought that she found something in that model persona attractive, and I couldn't risk any changes."
Seokjin looks at Yoongi to find the guy looking at him with his lips pursed and gaze disappointed.
"Gradually, I learnt to live with it. It got ingrained to my subconscious. I don't even realize I'm being uncharacteristic about anything, now. The act is no longer an act, it has become part of my personality. Of being this perfect guy who prioritises work before all else, doesn't let petty emotions bring him down — all because I knew she has always been ambitious in life." Seokjin smiles again. "With you guys, it felt weird and a lot like pretense. So I guess I unwittingly developed these dual personalities…"
"Hyung… you do know that you’re wrong, don’t you?” Yoongi says with a serious frown. "Honey loves you for the person you are. It’s been five years and you're not that great of an actor, I'm sorry. She has to have seen the real you and loved him. She wouldn't be here if that weren’t the case.”
Seokjin slumps in his seat. “I know that, rationally. But my brain always latches onto the insecurity that she’ll flee once the persona is dropped.”
“I apologize for my words, but you’re sounding pretty stupid, right now, hyung,” Yoongi says with a scowl. “At least try to let her in, for once. You’ll be able to see it for yourself.”
Seokjin gets up and returns to chopping his fruits. “I’m not sure I even know how to do that, anymore.”
Yoongi clicks his tongue. “You turn into a mother hen when any one of us are in crisis. Please don’t say you don’t know how to let your emotions show, hyung. You just need to stop putting up walls of indifference between the two of you. Be your real self.”
It is easier said than done, but Seokjin silently nods. He realizes the gravity of the situation. Emotional advice from Yoongi is a massive rarity.
If he doesn’t change his ways, would he push you away? He has never thought of it this way. It’s always been the contrary — being too clingy or anything less than this wholly composed man who's unaffected by everything might push you away. But maybe he isn’t as much on mark with this as he had thought.
“At least talk to her. Ask her if she’d like you to try and be more emotionally available to her.”
Seokjin purses his lips, giving Yoongi another nod.
This sounds more doable. He is pretty sure you would have no idea what he’s talking about when he asks you. You have never raised a concern about his behaviour or personality, once. You like him the way he is.
But maybe you two are at a point where you’d like each other anyway the two of you are, so taking a chance might not hurt.
Seokjin decides to bring it up with you. If not to actually follow through with Yoongi’s advice, then at least to prove to himself that he’s right.
Maybe it would resolve your fight for real, maybe it would make him realize he's been living a lie and that he should stop. The latter thought makes him swallow with difficulty, but he has to be rational now.
Yoongi leaves some time after that, and just as Seokjin is about to leave the kitchen with his plate of fruits, you enter it.
He beams at your sleepy dishevelled self, admiring his huge sweatshirt on you that you’re drowning in, your hair that spreads all over your shoulders, your squinted eyes and puffy lips. He cradles you in his arms and plants a kiss on your lips. “Hello there, sleepyhead.”
You whine a little, before folding yourself in his embrace. “Mom called,” you mumble into his chest.
He hums questioningly, untangling from you to sit you down on a kitchen stool. He plops a piece of apple in his mouth, and holds a piece of strawberry before yours.
You accept it with a smile. “Are you free this weekend?”
Seokjin’s brows furrow in thought. No, he isn't. “Um, any specific reason why you’re asking?”
Some of your smile wanes away. “It’s dad’s birthday this Saturday. I thought we could visit…”
Seokjin’s purses his lips, frustrated at himself. He really wants to join you, but the biggest project of his life is this Saturday. He stands to be the face of the brand if he aces this final audition.
“So — you’re not. ’Kay, got it,” you mumble, your face blank as you push away from the kitchen counter and move to walk away.
“Honey! I’m sorry, it’s just—”
“Work? Yeah, I know.” You give a sarcastic bark of laughter and turn around. “It’s okay, Jin. Just because we fucked after so long doesn’t mean you’ve suddenly rearranged all of your priorities. I get it. I shouldn’t be that naive.”
Seokjin blanches, heart freezing in his chest. He can’t even fault you for saying something so crass, because every word is true. It should surprise him how you are asking him to make you his priority when the two of you have always been about putting your careers first, but for some reason, it doesn't.
With every passing moment, he is finding Yoongi's words to ring truer than before. Maybe he has made crazy assumptions about your preferences and created unnecessary struggles for the two of you to face.
Right now, if it were any other, simple shoot, he’d drop it in a heartbeat and get to work on actually rearranging his priorities. Taking a step closer to his truer self. Especially after seeing this look on your face while Yoongi’s words circle his head.
But this — this is his big break. If he loses this, he loses any chances he has to further his modelling career from just being an available face to an actual person with a voice.
He has had future plans involving you, once he has this project in his grasp. He cannot let all of it go.
He recalls Yoongi’s advice, and tries to let you in — past all his walls.
“Baby, please,” he pleads, running up to you to grab onto your shoulders. He leans down to look into your eyes, letting go of every pretense that clings onto him as he looks at you desperately. “This isn't just work, Honey. This is the dream. You remember that sunscreen brand I’d auditioned for? This is their final audition.”
You suddenly look up at him with your eyes wide and brows hiked up. “What? You — you got to the final audition?” you exclaim, sounding stunned.
A small smile breaks out on Seokjin’s face. “Did you expect anything less?”
You squeal, throwing your arms around his neck to hug him close. “Congratulations, babe! I'm so proud of you! Oh, my God, you got to the final audition! I know you’ll rock this!” When you pull back your face is positively glowing. “And — and forget about dad’s birthday. Birthdays come every year. Big breaks don't,” you softly say, placing your palm on his chest to tell him you’re being sincere. “If you’d told me before, I…” You suddenly frown. “Speaking of, why didn’t you tell me before?”
Seokjin winces. “I planned to surprise you,” he sheepishly mumbles. “They had a lot of preliminary preparations I had to do. They even forced me to practice dancing!” he laments. “They had me and three other candidates running around the whole damn city to see how we’d fare as brand ambassadors. And now they’re gonna do a final beach shoot and add it in with our scores from the past few months. Let’s just hope I win it.”
You are looking at him with an unreadable expression on your face. “You, uh, you’ve been running around because of this project?”
Seokjin frowns. “Haven’t you noticed how busy I’ve been these past few months?”
“Oh, I’ve noticed. Just that… you always said you were busy with work.” You look small when you cross your arms and glance at your feet.
He shuffles closer to you and cups your face in his hands. “I just — I didn’t think it made any difference.”
You look up at him. “It does. We talked about this opportunity so excitedly! Remember that video call with your father?"
Seokjin squints. He doesn't talk to his family all that much, and they don't bother reaching out much, either. “Was it on father’s day?”
“Yes!” You nod. “I was so excited, I even told him all about it! Even when I wasn’t sure you’d even take it up!”
Seokjin gasps as it comes back to him. “I remember! My mom later called me to ask if I was starring in a movie, or something.” He snorts. “You’d hyped me up too much.”
“I was excited. And so am I, now. I didn’t know you’d actually gone through with it, least of all succeeded, baby. This was like a dream of mine, too, Jinnie. I'm so proud of you.” You lean up to press your lips against his.
Seokjin sighs into your mouth, arms winding around your waist as he kisses you back.
“Oh, my God! Finally!”
You two spring apart at the intrusion, and Seokjin shoots a glare at Jimin.
“What? It’s just good to see you together again,” the boy mumbles with a pout, slowly slinking towards his bedroom when Seokjin's glare keeps gardening.
You clear your throat after he has left.
“You know,” you mumble, “I’d been having a lot of confusion and doubts about our relationship, recently.”
Seokjin blinks. “Is that why you were so mad at me?” he softly asks. “Because I wasn’t prioritising you?”
You frown. “If you understood, why didn't you say anything before?”
Seokjin shrugs. "You can say I've only discovered it recently. Very recently. Like, less than an hour ago, recently."
You chuckle. "Well, at least you have discovered it."
"Honey," he slowly says, catching both of your hands in his as he pulls you closer. He looks at your delicate fingers. "I…have something to ask."
You hum. "Of course, baby. What is it?"
"Do you, um. Do you think that maybe… I could be, ah, more emotionally available? Like, more open and talkative about feelings, and that kind of stuff?"
You look at him with your eyes really wide, almost frozen in place. "Where's this coming from?"
You sound breathy.
Seokjin is very close to shitting his pants. Why do you look so horrified? Is he about to lose you? He's almost ready to tell you to forget it and move on when you squeeze his hands, encouragingly.
He licks his very dry lips with his somewhat dry tongue. "Just—just a little thinking and a few talks with Yoongi."
"Well, holy fuck, Seokjin, yes. Of course, yes! Absolutely, totally yes." You blink at him and it seems like you aren't even breathing. "I would very much appreciate that. Very, very much."
Seokjin exhales, chest falling in relief. "Really?"
"Yes, baby!" You nod, a huge grin overtaking your face. "If you really wanna work on doing that, I would be the happiest person on earth!"
Seokjin smiles. "I do wanna work on doing that, baby."
"Oh, God, Jinnie, I feel so happy." Your eyes brim with tears as you crush him into a hug.
He wraps his arms around you, inhaling your scent deeply and feeling his heart fill up with so much love.
Pulling away after just a moment, you look at him with narrowed eyes. "Can I also, maybe, put in a few additional requests?"
Seokjin narrows his own eyes, indulging your playfulness. "Depends. What did you have in mind?"
"Could you also exist with, like, one hair messed up on your head? Wear some clothes that don't fit you like a dream? Maybe stink a little? Sleep with your mouth open, drool a little?”
“What?”
“You’re like a Greek statue, my love! I’m trying to humanize you.”
Seokjin's eyes widen as he finally understands. This is exactly what Yoongi had said – Seokjin had made so many crazy assumptions about your preferences!
What the heck.
You just wanted him, the human him who can be the biggest clumsy fuck in the world.
"I'll – I'll try," he manages to say past a choked throat.
You gasp. "Are you about to cry?"
At his hesitant shrug, you squeal.
"Oh, my God, I can't wait for this! Come on!"
You tug at his hand with one hand and grab his plate of fruits in the other before dragging him upstairs, back to his room.
That Saturday, your more human and less Greek God statue of a boyfriend passes the audition.
You go on a date with the new face of one of the biggest sunscreen brands of today's day and age.
You drive around the unsettled outskirts of your city and aimlessly chat about everything. You discover your boyfriend can be a really huge bitching machine when he doesn't like someone.
You have a perfectly cute picnic date beneath a huge tree.
During which you proceed to nearly have a heart attack when your boyfriend suddenly drops to a knee in front of you and produces a small box, because—
"What the fuck, Seokjin? We're not getting married, I don’t—I'm sorry, I can’t, we're not ready for this!"
But then you cry because it isn't a ring, it's a key — the key to your very own shared apartment with your boyfriend that he has made the down payment for with his first big paycheck as a brand ambassador. You both would be able to move in in a couple of months, and you can not begin to explain how excited you are for this phase of your lives.
You make out in the car on your way back, and then it gets too heavy and you end up bouncing on his dick in your car, underneath a huge tree, in the middle of nowhere, and—
You cry after sex, crying in Seokjin's arms for the first time ever, and he kisses your forehead before he's sobbing with you, too, and you two are a gross mess of semen and tears and snot, but—
You have never felt more appreciated, loved and cared for, in your life.
You have never been more in love with Kim Seokjin, in your life – your big, clumsy, idiotic and yet somehow sexy dork of a boyfriend.
You won't have it any other way.
I just wanna, I just wanna know -
If you're gonna, if you're gonna stay;
I just gotta, I just gotta know
That I can't have it, I can't have it -
Any other way.
tagging: @shrimpmsg
note: OH MY GOD ITS DONE!!!!!! this fic has been one of the hardest plots that i’ve struggled to put in words, so far. i can’t believe i’m finally done posting it *sobs* (also, i realize how all the smuts i’ve written so far featured semi-public sex, lmaO idk how that’s happened, it’s not a specific kink of mine isTG! 😆)
also, this is my 400th post on this blog, so that’s exiting, ig? (lmao, 400 posts in 15 days, look at me go sksksks)
© jimilter | 2021
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