#blorbocedes ask

[blorbocedes]

do you really think lewis is going to beat charles next year? idk he'll be 40 and in a new team + new car. i'm obv not going to say he's washed bc p3 in the wdc last year but considering how russell is beating him right now i'm not sure how he'll do.

when the car is bad, lewis depression drives. when the car is good, he outdrives it

he came into the mclaren as a rookie and equalled fernando in points, and won the wdc the next year.

depression drove in 2011 and 12 when it was no longer a championship contender (aka a 100 points behind redbull, and finishing behind button in 11)

he came into the mercedes because niki lauda and ross brawn convinced him the project is a championship winning one, and even though nico was in the team longer, lewis immediately got in the team and beat him thrice. and nico was no pancake

he's been depression drove in the merc in 22, even though last year he beat russell by over a 100 points. this year he's idgafing at merc

lewis is going into ferrari extremely motivated. 400 million means ferrari believes in him too. they've invested 5 years in the leclerc project and last season leclerc only finished 6 points above sainz (who lecfosis will tell you can't drive good). so yes, I do believe in lewis hamilton's ability to get in a new car and outdrive his teammate that's more experienced in the team because he's done it before~ but i think it'll definitely be closer than fernando - stroll.

#blorbocedes ask #Lewis ham #granted this relies on how good the Ferrari will be

[blorbocedes]

nico in for sauber… zhou or valterri out?

on one hand valtteri has outdriven guanyu but they're both on 0 points. on the other hand, guanyu just got a huge mcdonalds china sponsor, is young and attracts a potential demographic of a billion people. last I heard there's no Grand Prix in Finland.

valtteri's major selling point for Audi Sauber would've been that he's an experienced driver who can develop the team... but Hulkenberg is an experienced driver. ideally you'd want someone younger with big money sponsors attached, hence sainz with bank satander and his dad's connections was the one audi high rolled an offer for.

here's how I see it: if sainz goes to merc, sauber keeps guanyu and hulk. if sainz goes to audi, guanyu is out and valtteri can do a one year stint at merc (or one of the frenchies from alpine would be DYING for a better seat free from the alpine horrors). unfortch, guanyu has not performed to deserve a better seat and if he stays it'll be by the skin of his teeth and because of the potential revenue he can bring a team.

#blorbocedes ask #silly season

[blorbocedes]

I was so caught up in the

that I didn’t see the

😭😭😭 will you ever forgive me? 🙏

I'm gonna beat you with rocks come here 👊🪨

#blorbocedes ask

[blorbocedes]

whenever i mention something problematic a driver has done and in response get “EvErhyy DhriVer Iz ProbLemAtig” trying to imply that mine is too, but i throw in an undo reverse card that is nico rosberg, whose only crime is being born in monaco and being cursed with dominant powerhouse of an immunity

he was born in weisbaden, germany 🤓👆 and was raised there for 4 weeks of his life before growing up in monaco

#blorbocedes ask #nico blobsberg

[blorbocedes]

Not people calling verstappies losers when Newey Merchant was coined to discredit both Max and Seb. Now yall are thirsty for yalls drivers to become Newey Merchants too, huh?

deep down everybody wants to be that bald man's kept boy

#blorbocedes ask

[blorbocedes]

you verstappies are fucking lewsers god cry about it when you'll be seeing the back of charles car every race xoxo

max when he has to see charles' rear cause he's lapping the ferrari 👋🍑 #lestappen

#blorbocedes ask

[blorbocedes]

my zoomer ass can’t ever what does this employability feel like 😒 baldie has not even made any real announcements, but everybody on the internet has already delegated him into another team. i can’t get a response for a barista position.

“the bombshell has entered the villa” and it’s just unemployed newey and all team principals on their knees kissing his ass cheeks

sorry baby. the job market is just insane rn. maybe if you had 35 years of experience in engineering and building car go fast

#blorbocedes ask

[blorbocedes]

zak brown going karting with his golden boy is so on brand, you know he sold his soul to keep lando on the team last year

george has probably not washed the pajamas he wore to toto’s sleepover to retain the smell, probably looking at those karting (mating) pics with tears gathered on the lash line

the impression I'm getting from this is lando wasn't actually There. just called zak up and offered and didn't show up but did butter him up on ig. that's good. you have to keep that old man wanting. george's problem is he gives up too easily and now torger is already setting his sights on young stars

#blorbocedes ask

[blorbocedes]

max is the sexiest when he is flushed after a race with sweat glistening forehead and sticky hair

im usually immune to max bc he's pookie but like. I get it. the natural flush is soooooo

#max verstappen #brunette of all time #blorbocedes ask

[blorbocedes]

Remember when lewis thought remembering things was gay

person: hey Lewis do you remember how you met Rosberg

Lewis: I HAVE SEX WITH WOMEN

it's important to note he's lying because he's written in his Book exactly how he met Rosberg 😭

#blorbocedes ask #brocedes #lewis hamilton #nico rosberg

[blorbocedes]

That photo of baby nico and his mom is so cute! Sina actually kind of looks like princess diana there, i had no idea that nico looked so much like her. As tumblr's resident nicologist is there any lore about Sina, with or without Keke?

ooo sina is actually a very cool lady, and yeah nico does quite look like her.

in the 80's she was a total baddie, working as a German translator and keke, normal seen as cold finnish gruff, was HEAD OVER HEELS for her. in fact the rosbergs speak German at home because Sina is German and to quote Keke he lost his identity completely because he got "sexually hooked on Sina"

this interview by premier nicologist distantlaughter (big big recommend the whole thing)

so when they got married keke was like i do and sina was like eh 🤷‍♀️ why not. you can see keke's 😍 like heyyy good looking. sir that is your wife. this current unromantic ass non simp grid could never 🙄

this is crucial sina lore, where keke was invited to the finnish independence ball and she wore a suit which women weren't approved to do. the bowtie on a bare neck is such a look

while nico was karting, and later racing sina would always vacuum during grand prixs on the telly cause she'd be too nervous watching nico race.

more of sina being a baddie

in abu dhabi 16, she was telling niki lauda how it was her golden egg cells + keke's sperm that made nico (aka her genes that did the work). and yes that is a drink in her hand

😎😎😎😎

#lowkey want a guy so sexually hooked on me he loses his identity and grasp on mother tongue #she's so mother #nico rosberg #sina lore #blorbocedes ask #sina rosberg #keke rosberg

[blorbocedes]

funniest thing about max’s mind games (saying the best thing about checo is that he focuses on his family a lot bc a lot of drivers can get up in their heads about a wdc but it’s not everything, giving checo and carlos as an example of a pairing that was matched pace-wise after saying that his and charles’ cars had a pace difference etc) is that i don’t think he does it intentionally like he just says things as starkly as he can or wants to bc it’s the truth but it’s also so disorienting to be on the other side of it lmao like just how matter-of-fact he is about it and how he doesn’t mince his words but he doesn’t necessarily do it to get in checo’s head or rile him up he’s just like “yes you are a 2nd rate driver but that’s okay not everyone can be me. no big deal”

he does have some moments (pointing at the number 1 on his car, all the fastest lap shenanigans lately) but most of the time it’s like so subtle and contained and really unintentional yet so cutting

it's cutting because he is not even thinking about you. he's just making a general observation, while you're fighting for your life trying to beat him and not coming close. playing mind games requires intentionality, max simply does not care about checo like that 💓

#mv1 #blorbocedes ask

[blorbocedes]

https://x.com/judesrivers/status/1709714260706697326?s=46&t=w9R_LaqCkagB6MZHT49ddA the way he always lights up when he talks abt the things he did with nico and says those were the best times in his life 😔

Italy is definitely a core memory for lewis. brocedes used to have pizza eating competitions during karting -- which, curiously enough is featured in lewis' children's book autobiography

lewis has always reiterated karting was the best time of his career, and the most he'd ever laughed. and here's the corroborations of having pizzas and ice cream gelatos and core friendship

#brocedes #brocedes karting in Italy lore #we talk about greece but what about Italy #if anyone cares lol #I just have an aggregate of information stored somewhere #nico rosberg #lewis hamilton #blorbocedes ask #brocedes primer

[blorbocedes]

Why is there such intense sexual tension between gp and max

I really think the meat of the dynamic is max can trust him to be honest with him, and in turn max can be his most unfiltered honest self.

the driver and race engineer dynamic is a very intimate one. if you think of the car and the driver as the horse, the raw power that wins the races, then your race engineer is your rider -- calm and firm in guiding you to victory. f1 is a huge team production, each driver has a whole factory of people behind him making sure everything goes smoothly. but during the race the driver's only direct connection to the team is the voice in his ear, relaying strategy, warning them of other cars and track limits, encouraging them and even admonishing. this is the man you trust with your life, literally, coming out of blind spots like out of the monaco tunnel and trusting your engineer to tell you whose behind you.

with max and GP, GP's been his race engineer since 2016. that's a very long time and a very long relationship. max is obviously redbulls golden boy and literally everyone's job in the team is to keep him happy, from his tp to helmut it's all praise (and he's doing an outstanding job to get it), but GP in a way is the only person who isn't and by the function of his job can't be a yes man to max. he has to relay him the truth. you'll see GP isn't often impressed by max, and even bets against him making pole. The guy who knows your data and braking points and how you keep crossing over track limits isn't gonna be too impressed by you even if you're god's gift to racing. He makes max earn his post race praise. He's even curt, and outright direct when max is whining on radio. Likewise, max knows he can be aggressive in high pressure situations, yelling at him to not talk to him in the braking zone and that GP can take handle him. There's trust in that too. And if he feels he went too far, he will sheepishly get GP ice cream post race. Their dynamic on radio is one that makes us the viewers we're witnessing a couple having a domestic tiff. that's because GP gives back as good as he gets. He doesn't coddle max, if max makes the wrong call then GP will call him out on it. my favourite radio is when max was yapping why didn't we do etc etc and GP was straight up do you want to switch jobs? how about you do your own next lap.

this is the man you can be your worst self in high stress situations to and he will take you as you are. that's basically a marriage.

obviously despite all the headache max causes, GP loves working with him. he literally said max is the driver he wants to retire with. he has a photo with max in his living room, instead of his wife 😭 likewise, max literally has a clause in his contract that he gets GP. max is someone who is loyal to a fault and GP's been with him since his very first f1 win. that's his emotional regulator baldie.

the sexual tension comes from the fact that GP is 17 years older than him and max wants to get rawed by him 🧑🏻‍🦲❤️😋

#max/GP #max verstappen #gianpiero lambiase #drivers and their engineers #blorbocedes ask

[blorbocedes]

honestly something that isn't leaving my mind r the amount of jokes and digs at the expense of Nico just from this gp alone like there's one thing to take a light-hearted dig every once in a while but the outright disrespect (disguised as jokes or not) Nico has gotten from the grid/journalists/commentators during his time as a driver and afterwards even up to this day is insane. He's better than me fr cause at this point I would've commited a murder

sky commentators are reliant on playing nice with the FIA/Liberty for their jobs. they can't be critical of any aspect that can threaten their job security

Nico is a world champion, infinitely rich, does not rely on that paycheck. That's why he straight up said today the FIA should've gotten the safety car way earlier instead of double yellows. He corrects Crofty multiple times when he's wrong. Actual members of the grid respect Nico and can be pulled in for a quick comment (Todt, Bono) when they'd ignore Kravitz. And he's a world champion who won in the last decade, who knows wheel, and when put to the test vastly outclasses the rest of them. So the clique of commentators don't really fuck with him, and keeping trying to needle him to talk about brocedes/silver war/mind games and fights. Sky also probably pays more to retain him for it to be worth his while

he's strutting in his 2k LV jacket, the passive aggressiveness slides off him, and this gig is a hobby that he chooses his incredibly lax schedule of which handful of races to commentate. He's only here cause he loves the sport, he doesn't wanna go get dinner with Crofty and Hill.

#nico rosberg #blorbocedes ask

[blorbocedes]

why do all your fics have smut scenes in them 🤔

cuz im horny. next!

#blorbocedes ask