#that I'll never get to grow old

[wholemleko]

Out here 2 vent again sry

#terrified by the knowledge of just. having congenital heart disease #got 2 defects #and I'm terrified of dying young #last time I was seen by a doctor about it they said I may not have problems #but my stupid ass with no self control is still gonna start doomscrolling #and reading about shit relating to it #making me scared I'm gonna live too short #that I'll never get to grow old #I'm terrified of dying during surgery #if indeed I shall need it #which who knows #I want this to go away #ffs #UGH #and I have to go to sleep now this always happens when I need to sleep #can't stop thinking about mortality EVER #fucking hell #the hospital where I'm supposed to be seen won't fucking answer my messages #I'm already a year overdue for my next check up #I hate being so scared about things like life and death and for my fears to #ACTUALLY BE RATIONAL #LIKE I HAVE AN ACTUAL REASON TO BE AFRAID #I CANT JUST TELL MYSELF ITS ALL IN MY HEAD THEN CALM DOWN #I hate having a body

[hecatesbroom]

Blanche's grandma's place is the only place she felt consistently loved in... no I'm fine. I'm fine

#the IMPLICATIONS #i completely forgot about that line #room 7 makes me lose my mind in general but ohhh my god #OH my god #i'm #yeah no i'm fine #i have so many feelings about this i can't even put them into words #idk but she speaks about that place with so so much nostalgia #we see blanche in a way we've never seen her with anyone from her past #she didn't look even remotely as happy or peaceful (or nostalgic!) when she visited her childhood home #but when she's in her grandma's old home? she calls it her family home #she talks about it like *that's* the place she grew up in #because apparently it was the only place she was always sure she could be loved #so i guess it might not have been the only place she grew up in #but it sure sounds like it was the one place she was allowed to be herself in and still be loved unconditionally #without competing for anyone's attention #ohh blanche ;-; #i teared up when she held that windchime and smiled right before finally leaving that house #that was *such* a powerful moment ;-; #anyway #uh #i guess i'll just go and stare at a wall or something now #the golden girls #blanche devereaux #adding on to this to say that maybe it really was the only place she grew up in #because to grow up i'd say you need an environment where you can at least somewhat freely explore your identity #without feeling a constant need to be the best/cutest/prettiest sister to get your parents' love and approval #it sounds like blanche grew older in her childhood home #and she got the chance to *grow up* with her grandma #(i knoooow i'm reading too much into this but i can't stop thinking about this episode)

[reksink]

for the ask thingy, how bout 4 or 7?

4 - Favorite iterator? MOON. NO CONTEST. She's wonderful, sweet, beautiful, and I love her so dearly I do have to say I am a bit bias because I already really love 'Summoned by tragedy but this chooses to be kind' type characters, but Moon takes everyhting I love about them and expresses them tenfold She was already nice to begin with, that's why she named herself Big Sis Moon after all, and even after all the pain she's gone through, if you're kind to her, she'll be kind to you right back. Which I find so very sweet Especially with her conflict with Pebbles. Even after all the hurt he's caused, even when it's in her right to completely cut contact with him forever, she still chooses to care for her brother. And together, while they're both still doomed, they have each other now. They're still family after all is said and done and I love that so much And I just love how sweet she is the slugcats. I did a pearl-quest on my Survivor run, and while getting all the pearl was incredibly diffcult, the pilgrimage to Moon made it all worth it, hehe. Her dialouge is so charming and is such a treat to read, and they way she talks back to the scug while reading every so often melts my heart. And the way she starts calling them little archaeologist after enough pearl reads is perfect ALSO IN GOURMAND CAMPAIGN WHERE SHE SAID 'My last vistor was even sick' I CAUGHT TEAR. SHE CARES ABOUT THE SCUG, SHE TAKES SO MUCH Also another thing I like it how she's responsive to how you treat her. Again, she's kind if you're kind to her, but if you've hurt her/if you're rude she response to that. That just makes her more grounded to me, that she's a person that's already gone though enough and she won't tolerate rudeness especially in her weakened state A run-up for a favoite iterator would be No Significant Harrasment. I will admit I haven't read all of the brodcasts yet, so I could be missing important information about him, but for now to me he's a silly goofball. A goofball that truly loves and cherishes his friends deeply and is willing to do anything to make sure they're okay I think about his Garbage Wastes brodcast a lot. How he sounds so deseprate and broken hoping for Moon to say something. For her to be okay. I also really like he's talks with Red Sev, they feel like such good friends and they're great comforts for each other during Spear's campaign. Also I have a running joke in my head that he's 'Green Zacharie from OFF'. It makes no else laugh but me, and I've expected this 7 - Favorite in-game creature? SCAVENGERS. I LOVE SCAVS SO MUCH!! Again, very bias pick because I absolutely love observing intelligent life without human (or in this case Ancients) interfence BUT LOOK AT THEM!! Scavs are such smart creatures and their animations and gestures truly reflect that these are intelligent creature worth understanding and loving They have personality, moment to moment goals, fun interacts, and I could wish them for hours OMGA I also feel to special when a scavenger/a groups of scavengers starts following me around. I feel like I'm part of a family, that the scavengers are geniunely interested in my slugcat and want just be around me or protect me Sadly my love for scavengers is the reason why I can never play Artificer's campaign. I can't bring myself to hurt scavenger, when I do it on accident I reset the game pfffff. I can't imagine the heartbreak I'd go through knowing I can't even look at a scavenger without being ready to kill it If I ever finally sit down to do it, I'd love to analysis the art around each Scavenger Toll/Territory. My goal would be to pick apart their artwork and camp layouts to see that it means about the region's cultures. Like what they vaule in their art, what patterns certain patterns could mean, what's similar what's different, the works!! I love scavenger so very much, they're so precious to me, and if we ever get offical merch for them I'd buy like 10, hehe

#ask #ask game #liyass #Also I have it cruel how as much as I love both Scav & Moon I can never truly draw them #I just have to many ideas and I want to get down design that perfectly capture my interpretions you know? #That's not stopping me though I'm bound to make design I like eventual #But for now I'll stick to my rough ideas and see if they'll grow on my me hehe #ALSO while I'm at it my first ever Scavenger encounter was a lone redish pink one I named Philly #I gave him a pearl and he instantly fell love #He was such a nice travel buddy and he protects me from a massive frilled green lizard #I miss him but I'm such he's doing fine in my lil old Monk campaign #Also other funfact I have like 30+ scavenger gif saved that I like to post in server I'm in #I call them 'My scarabs' and I plaster them everywhere I'm allowed to hehe #ALSO LAST ONE my certain discord icon is Sliver of Straw #Take that as you will #Man I haven't rambled in a bit this what incredibly needed #Thank you for sending this ask bro!!

[vullcanica]

``WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE...``

modern verse Nik 50 vs 20 years old

#𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐑 ‒ nikodemus ║ DASH GAMES #stole this one from #vilestblood #to make the skrunkly in all his menace iterations throughout the years #bc ofc he remains a terror in his 60s #silver fox with his myopia glasses and his cataracts and bad hip #i'll never not be emotional about him getting to grow old #AND HE'S MARRIED WITH A KID AND GRANDKIDS IN THIS ONE 🥺🥺

[aconfusedbunchofatoms]

do you ever wonder if people still remember you? like, you see them and know their name and what their personality was like when you first met in kindergarten, third grade, sixth grade, etc., yet now, all these years later you still have those memories at the back of your mind as they sit a few desks away or as you see their name pop up on social media.

do they remember the past as i do? do they still like that musician they used to talk about all the time? do they still have the same hobbies and interests we once shared? do i pop up in their mind whenever they think of a certain time in their life? do they remember my name and the person i was when they see me? the side conversations we would have in class? do they think i won't remember them? because how could i ever forget the face of someone willing to talk to the kid who rarely talked? how could i ever forget how kind they were to everyone around them?

but perhaps i am long forgotten, out of sight, out of mind. just another person passing by without a trace

#i'll never get used to growing apart #it's always bittersweet seeing someone you once knew doing their own thing #sometimes i'll assume we're still on friendly terms because i still know their name but idk it's just awkward #i'm just shocked people know who i am tbh #friends #old friends #memories #forgotten #friendship #aconfusedbunchofatoms

[rosie-lav-art]

I didn't have an Anime Drawings phase as a kid, so I get to start at Middle School Level as a 27 year old 😭 at least I can only go up from here!

Please recommend a blorbo or two of yours for me to draw. I need to practice!!!!! I have so many years of practice to catch up on before I find a style I can do easily/consistently 😭

#rosie draws #doodles #Pls don't come for me I am trying my best #I know I'll get better with practice #I've already seen improvements in my anime girl 2000s style with Starlight Starbright #I'm gonna do some ranma 1/2 and inuyasha studies ses if I can't get that style down #If I drew this when I was 12 and watching death note.....i would have been over the moon with ot #I gotta remember that 12 year old Rosie would be so proud of anything I've drawn recently #12 year old Rosie figured wed never be an artist #And now I'm out here trying to learn and grow every day #I started a comic that's fucking crazy!!!! It's just a Lil one but it's something!!!

[nownothingcantouchyou]

"did you hear my covert narcissism i disguise as altruism like some kind of congressman" makes me loooooove the idea of gold rush being a weird ode to herself

#like they're soooooooo connected but they aren't at all #my covert narcissism i disguise as altruism and your contrarian shit (like some kind of congressman) #everybody wants you and one day i'll watch as you're leaving #i get older but just never wiser and what must it be like to grow up that beautiful #it must be exhausting rooting for the anti-hero and i dont like slow motion double vision in rose blush #midnights become my afternoons and then it fades into the gray of my day old tea #//

[keeps-ache]

ggghhg i hate vehiclessssssss ghghghhghhhhh [dies dies dies forever]

#just me hi #i'm going to get right back to it but i need to complain or i'll turn into a stale loaf of Bread lmao :3👍 #so here it is. why's it gotta be so hard hhghfh #okay buildings suck i hate buildings. but also they don't make me want to immediately explode at the merest hint of actually drawing them #vehicles?? Vehicles ???? i am going to just. what if i just put everyone in magical cardboard boxes and did that huh. what is the point !! #i have to draw motorcyclessss and carssssss and i'm okay with bikes to a degree actually <3 and horsessssssss and truckssssssssssss #god forbid you pick an older model with like 20 articles on it cuz most of them are going to only have a side profile and 3/4s view of that #dang thing. which yea sounds manageable 'why is this a problem keeps' i cannot properly see the FRONT #i have to guess?? i have to Guess ???? my dearest wish i think i'm just going to live in the sewers. with the sewer creatures #GGHHHHHHHHHHHH #i am going to practice drawing this stupid thing that i'm going to use for like 7 panels MAX and then i'm going to commit a FOUL crime. lik #rearranging someone's usual playlist without them knowing so they're confused every time they listen to it afterwards #//okay enough of that. we're good hbfhsfh :3 #i have done other things today ! i've actually made a rough timeline for pi.e so thaaaat's cool :D #that and found a cool artist to follow on pillowfort. i. forgor their user but they have cool art .w. #/also i'm past the halfway mark on this first chapter which is !!! #i don't want to jinx myself cuz i know i'm really good at that hfhsv - but i think i'll start storyboarding the next part if i can get a #couple more pages done :D #//also the cowboy au grows stronger everyday hhhgfshvbh #i kind of knew some sort of au was inevitable but i did not think it would be an old west one loll :3 #still trying to figure out the logistics #i wanna find some good historical fiction from those eras (1860s-70s) but i do not have the brain space for it rn fbhs - so this will do :> #it won't have any of the magic or gods i think bc of that but i'm having fun regardless :D #it Does have some occult though. because i was playing the story for my brother and i Do enjoy scaring him hhbvhfhsfvh #there are devils on the ranch!! or are they devils?? he hasn't gotten that far yet lol :> #//i also may have some sort of weird lean towards the spooky because Somehow each of my stories end up containing some sort of thriller #element?? lmao rip my siblings #but it never happens on purpose. again; rip my siblings hfhhvsh #//oo running out of tag space lol <//3 #i shall return. probably with more wip stuff cuz i started like 4 canvases in 2 days hhghghdvs - toodles !!

[hella1975]

i hate my town i hate the people in it i hate the shame that consumes us all i hate that every failure might as well be posted in the square because everyone knows everyone i hate that my grandparents are here and i hate that my mother came back for them i hate that the kids are dying and no one cares i hate that every good memory has a bad memory right next door like sam's house around the corner from my childhood home i hate the body they pulled from the river i hate the memory of hearing yellow by coldplay at my cousin's funeral because all i could think was that it was too modern for the situation but then he was only seventeen so it makes sense i hate that i was seventeen too and all the boys i knew were there his friends that were supposed to be the tough guys the scary guys i hate that i pretended not to see them sobbing i hate that everything smells of cigarettes here i hate the politics i hate the people i used to love that dont even smile at me on the street i hate that the girl who called me a slut works at my favourite bar i hate every alley and hidden shortcut and i hate that i know them like the back of my hand i hate the same fucking coffee shops i sat in when i was fourteen and scared and now im nineteen and scared and i hate that it's exactly what this town wants i hate that it wants anger i hate that it wants fear i hate that it wants shame i hate that i can give it everything

#thinking about how the two biggest things in my life rn - writing and my degree - are so punctuated by this fucking town #like my biggest fear with my degree isnt what id think of myself if i dropped out or failed #or even what my family would think bc they're nicer to me than i am #it's genuinely the thought of what my hometown lot would say that keeps me up at night #like the thought of my neighbour who told me id never accomplish anything bc my school was shitter than his fancy one #the thought of having to look him in the eye #or the thought of knowing my friends will tell their mums who are still on the PTA with old teachers who thought i was special #like small towns wrap you in this bubble of smallness and it suffocates you and you're so terrified and ashamed of every little mistake #and then my writing GOD i keep thinking about how tbos is probably the best thing ive ever written #and id publish it id genuinely try and get it published #but im just again so scared and ashamed and embarrassed like how do i explain to these assholes that im writing fantasy #and that's not even counting the gay angle bc that's the biggest part #i just am not brave enough for that yet and yeah maybe it's bc im still young but i shouldnt have to be brave to enjoy things to begin with #failure shouldnt require bravery when it's just a fact of life #and i think about if we'd lived in london like my dad wanted us to or if we'd gone to dublin bc my mum loves dublin #or even if we just hadn't come to this fucking town and we'd lived in ANY FUCKING CITY #my dad jokes about how in london he didn't even know his neighbours names and god i just crave that anonymity so fucking much #it's so frustrating and my mum takes it so personally whenever i say i hate the town and my sister says i'll grow out of it just because #she did but i genuinely dont think i will #and maybe that's the creative in me or the queer in me that she just cant relate to but i have always always hated this place #like a guy i have a VERY complicated history with messaged me the other day and we havent talked in TIME #and it was kinda sweet if not awkward just bc of our aforementioned rocky past but one thing he mentioned when i said i was at uni #was that he said really genuinely 'im so happy to hear that; i know you always wanted to get out of [town name]' #like he still remembers that about me even though weve been friends since we were 12 and i havent spoken to him since i was?? 17?? #UGH i just hate it here and it's the fact that i'll never escape it either bc i cant totally abandon ship without also #abandoning my family and i refuse to do that and they refuse to leave so now im just stuck with all these CONNECTIONS #sorry to vent lol #ig this could be a poetry thing? we'll say it is instead of me just having another meltdown LMAO #hella goes home

[chenpire]

my post series recommendation is that if you've never listened to the orchestral version of hero by faouzia while thinking about Wilhelm and Simon's utter trainwreck of a romance, you should. I think you should.

#shows #young royals #I have loved this show truly #and it can never not be political for me given where I grew up and my own convictions but I don't think the crew copped out of the politics #maybe it's a gentler version of the story than reality would allow but it's a wonderful example of #thoughtful naturalistic visual storytelling that is largely uninterested #in overexplaining or justifying it's narrative #while still remaining loyal to it's thematic baseline #I'd love to actually get around to some of that meta I vauged about post s2 on class and setting and possibly I will in May #when I have room for thoughts #because I do still want to make my points about how the personalisation of politics usually makes people blind to the systemic issue at han #which I think the show balanced pretty nicely #if you grew up or are growing up in a constitutional monarchy and you're not really engaged with your local republican movement #maybe now would be a good time to start thinking about it #a lot of people think 'well it's an archaic system so it should go' and leave it at that but the issues run so much deeper #than who the head of state is and this stuff is really worth considering if this is the political system the currently defines your future #anyway I'll put my praxis down for the time being #and just take a moment to appriciate this fantastic variation on the age old theme #isn't love really just a form of madness #like doesn't first love just kind of make you utterly lose your mind in a way that could conceivably bring empires to their knees #in all of it's single minded innocence and utter irrationality #cause yeah....yeah I remember that

[imwritesometimes]

idk just seems like a lot of ppl on here got real comfortable with telling ppl to go kill themselves again which is like ??????

#I gotta be honest I don't care WHAT it's abt I'll never tell someone to kill themselves but like. esp over tv. or a movie. #but maybe that has to do with being a full grown over 34 year old adult who actually has spent #most of my life trying NOT to kill myself and was actually hospitalized after an attempt so 🤷‍♀️ #like idk babes. the whole ~this place is better cause it isn't twitter or tiktok~ like lmao idk. I just. don't know. #and I understand it's a specific type of user. I get that. believe me. my block list grows daily. I do not engage I just block #but like. at what point is it just like fuck it. the building's infested gotta demolish it. like holy shit. #I'm not on here as much as I used to be for sure. and like. idk. shit like today it's like...... idk man #I been on here for years. eons. there are parts of this place I enjoy but holy god almighty there are some fuckers on here #that severely need like. a job. a real problem. a responsibility. something. anything. #so tired of the ~I'm too scared to talk to the waiter~ crowd also being the ones calling for firebombings online like bro #shut the whole fuck up I stg #erin explains it all

[wingsandpetals]

does anyone know when you stop being a little kid who is alone

#our post comrade. #i'm going to be a little kid and alone forever i'm just going to sit here and watch my body get older and i'm never going to grow up and #it's going to be scary. #i'm going to have a panic attack. #none of you get it i'm GOING TO DIE 7 YEARS OLD #i'm going to see myself growing up on the outside AND I'LL still BE IN HERE

[rimouskis]

got dinner with the sisters tonight and I had the oh fuck, you're an adult realization about the youngest one.

#it's so wild how being around them brings up so many of my old wounds from childhood (self-inflicted) #that are so clearly just baked into my being at this point #—how I feel really lame in comparison to them #how I find them so keenly social and blossoming in ways I never really felt I could achieve— #but the middle one is adjusting so so well to living alone and coming into her own as an adult in a huge city. it's really awesome to see. #she suffered from middle child syndrome a bit but it made her strong in ways me and the youngest aren't #I think my very desperate need for my sisters to find me cool is SO transparent and close to the surface when I'm with them #and that I fundamentally think they are much cooler and more worldly and experienced than me also feels very close to the surface lol #(those are The Old Wounds ahahaa) #idk I'm not sure I'll ever NOT feel this way. even if I'm the only child who moved out of our state; #even if I've been living alone for many years and they're just freshly out of home #I think it's one of those things that will always be with me because of [mumbles] several influential factors in growing up #and the sort of ... awe and jealousy I've always felt towards them because of how the birth order worked out #with the gap between me and them larger than the gap between the two of them and how our schooling choices broke down #anyways this is maybe the primal wound that has made me so fucking weird/intense about every friendship I've ever had since #I love them more than anyone in the world; I want them to be as impressed by me as I am impressed by them; #I find myself ultimately unimpressive in comparison and that childhood thought will stay with me for -- perhaps -- life #anyways I love them so much and it was awesome spending most of the day with the middle one and getting to make conversation with her. #she is so cool

[maddy-ferguson]

im tired of ppl using headcanon stuff as proofs on the show. ''mike never stopped calling will.'' yeah no, that is not canon at all, lmao. you guys just took dustin's words and used it as some sort of a canon thing to prove that mike called. c'mon guys... canonically it doesnt make much sense anyways bc it doesnt fit. because mike learned abt joyce's job at the beginning of the season after el sent her letter. unless the duffers just made a mistake and screwed the time, it doesn't make any sense for mike to have called will constantly or 'complaining' due to joyce's job when he just learned abt joyce's job at the beginning of the season after reading el's letters. for all we know mike didnt send any letters to will, and they just only talked for a couple of times. like. that's the canon. we cannot just take something and treat it as canon and come up with criticism based on that. same as the 'lettergate' situation, for all we know mike just didnt bother writing and he didnt have a present. also u cannot really blame will either. for all he knew, the situation was just a repeat of S3. and we know what happened in S3. just a casual 'what if u wanna join another party' doesn't fix the issue at hand, and it literally didnt either. so.

okay, yes, this is what i was saying in the tags of this and what this post i reblogged earlier is about!!! you can't just say "mike 100% called and we don't even know if will called so will is equally to blame for the fact that they didn't keep in touch/for their rink o mania fight". i mean you can but i'll disagree every time because there's this little thing that happened between them that never got resolved that totally explains why will would be hesitant to reach out...who out of the two of them was rebuffed the last time he tried to show that this friendship was important to him? who was crying in the rain and calling himself stupid over it? as a very wise woman once said, i would've wanted mike to make a little bit of an effort too after that tf

and the thing is, if it turns out mike didn't call/doesn't have any unsent letters i'm not gonna be mad at him? they both have reasons for not reaching out. people being more forgiving of will probably has to do with the fact that his reasons are you know. not speculation

as for the technicalities surrounding the theory, the job part of it just doesn't add up to me like i...have spent a very long time thinking about it, it's april and i still don't get it. and as people have pointed out el can't use the phone and there's a walkie talkie in her room and all that but yk. idk. and i like lettergate and i like mikeactuallycalledgate but at the end of the day they're just theories you know

#either way i don't get the job thing because dustin says mike won't stop whining about it like he's been whining for some time which #means that el's letter is old (which i guess it could be) or that like...mike already knew about joyce's job before reading the letter? #like if he just learned about the job in ep 1 why won't he stop whining about it. is it a hyperbole. idk i don't get it. #my second paragraph isn't me doubting byler or like denying the fact that mike is OBVIOUSLY going through something too like i said they #both have reasons to not reach out. it's just that you can't exactly blame people for being biased when one's reasons are...out there #and the other's are: not. i know we're on byler tumblr and a lot of things are known to everyone but like do you see what i'm getting at? #one thing i'll give you is that trying to force your friends to play with you when they obviously couldn't give less of a fuck is...not #a very good strategy and also it was hurtful too when my friends didn't care about my crush of the week in middle school. i personally #never told them to grow up and accidentally called them gay over it though lol! #and i've also been will with the getting your friends to do something they don't care about i've told this story before when i was 12 my #friends literally WROTE ME A LETTER (they wouldn't even say it to my face!!!! they gave it to me and i was like what is this and they were #like uhjustwaitforustoleavewellseeyouonmondaybye and left before i could read) telling me to stop talking about one direction. and i didn't #even talk about them that much because i knew they only liked them a little while i was a Directioner. i never talked about them again #after that lolll #see how i did something for the will is always 100% in the right allegations #ask

[theood]

I got so excited last night bc of bottom growth 8'). Like, I've known for YEARS I've wanted that more than like anything from T but to see it ACTUALLY happening is so.

And yet, I truly never thought I'd be on T. I've had a very particular mindset about a certain age where I just knew in my heart that'd be my end. It was a mix of coping (badly), and how I grew up and what I had to endure and so much more. And it became a clutch that, well, my pain wouldn't matter in just a few more years because it was my end.

But, for the first time in a LONG time? That age limit doesn't seem so strong. I can make it past it, and it's gonna be good.

Everyone talks about how T can help you mentally and like, I get it I do.

To think something so small as my starting off bottom growth got me so happy I was beaming coming out of the bathroom last night... I'm changing! And it really is for the better 8). And I like this. I want this to stay. This is what I needed

#💉 #just like Kimya Dawson said in one of her songs: I never thought I'd make it to twenty five / now I'm thirty seven and I'm glad that I'm #alive #<- that lyric is one I scream sing often. IM GOING TO MAKE IT!!!! I'll hit 37 and fuck I'll be happy I'm alive!! #Never ever had a plan but I just. Couldn't think of a future for myself past the number I had in my head. It was always 'if it doesn't get #better by [age]-- and I know it won't it's fine. That's my end.' but that just. it isn't. I have so much going for me. I *want* to grow old #I **will** grow old.

[pory-z]

we’re not even in may yet but all i can think about is watching the fireworks on the 14th of july

the 13th of july (yes i come from a small town) used to be one of my favorite times of year but i never dared to go back after a bad encounter a few years ago

BUT

now i have a friend who’s moving to a place with a GREAT VIEW of the fireworks in the city so i’m very excited about that

it’ll never be the same as my cosy small town festival but hey. friends, beer and fireworks, that’s all i need

#trying not to think about how i'll never get to see my childhood friends and other old aqcuaintances again #trying not to think about the scenery i love so much #trying not to think about the cheeky relationship we had with the staff and government people and the pranks we used to pull #trying not to think about the random encounters i had every year #like the iron maiden fan i approached in 2018 and we talked for like an hour and he bought me a beer #it's weird because growing up i always assumed i'd be there every year #as a kid playing the carnival games i thought i'd become a teen playing with fireworks near the river #as a teen playing with firework i thought i'd become one of the adults who hang out at the bar #as an adult bar rat i figured next year i'm gonna be the one helping out behind the bar #next year never came #i just wanna talk to people and catch up on local news and gossip #idk why im thinking abt this so early in the year #i need to go outside #i'll be able to go outside in 3 weeks #cant wait