#I want this to go away

[wholemleko]

Out here 2 vent again sry

#terrified by the knowledge of just. having congenital heart disease #got 2 defects #and I'm terrified of dying young #last time I was seen by a doctor about it they said I may not have problems #but my stupid ass with no self control is still gonna start doomscrolling #and reading about shit relating to it #making me scared I'm gonna live too short #that I'll never get to grow old #I'm terrified of dying during surgery #if indeed I shall need it #which who knows #I want this to go away #ffs #UGH #and I have to go to sleep now this always happens when I need to sleep #can't stop thinking about mortality EVER #fucking hell #the hospital where I'm supposed to be seen won't fucking answer my messages #I'm already a year overdue for my next check up #I hate being so scared about things like life and death and for my fears to #ACTUALLY BE RATIONAL #LIKE I HAVE AN ACTUAL REASON TO BE AFRAID #I CANT JUST TELL MYSELF ITS ALL IN MY HEAD THEN CALM DOWN #I hate having a body

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

Just absolutely concaving with loneliness and self hatred and this empty feeling of wanting to be hugged and kissed and loved and looked at like I matter

#I could genuinely scream #I’m feeling genuine physical pain from this loneliness #I just want it to stop #I want this to go away #I want someone I want someone I want someone I want someone

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

Of the 19 hijackers who carried out the Sept 11 attacks:

15 were from Saudi Arabia (a powerful/oil-rich country the U.S. works hard to maintain diplomatic relations with)

2 were from the United Arab Emirates (also a powerful/oil-rich country the U.S. works hard to maintain diplomatic relations with)

1 was from Egypt, 1 from Lebanon.

None of the hijackers were from Iraq.

None of the Sept 11 hijackers were Iraqi.

None of the 9/11 hijackers were from Iraq.

#9/11 #serious post #not a shitpost #this should be one of the first things kids learn when they learn about the 9/11 attacks #politics #this is just...it's such an essential and brazen fact and i rarely see basic outrage over it #i want outrage. i want fury. i want disgust over the way fundamental facts are disguised and discarded and downplayed #because there are things we should KNOW. basic fact we should ALL KNOW. and they are tucked away in the footnotes. #and no this is NOT to put the blame on other middle eastern countries #we know this was carried out by a specific terrorist organization not a national government #but King George the Second decided (and was encouraged by his cabinet!) to invade a nation! #a nation that was not at all related or responsible!!! #a dictatorship to be sure--but a dictatorship that King George the First had been happy to support #so what changed? why did we go in guns blazing to DEMOLISH a country *we had NO PLANS OF REPAIRING*??? #well. because they wanted a villain didn't they. a nice clean war. clarity of purpose. us the heroes against them the villains #and when you're in that mindframe--truth is irrelevant. you can pick your villain (your victim) by rolling a roulette wheel #truth is irrelevant #worse: to the people in charge #truth is a HINDRANCE #'Alternative facts' existed long before it became a catchphrase #facts don't matter. truth doesn't matter. the impulses of a handful of volatile & rich & power-high people--that's History. congratulations

[thelesbianthespianposts]

imagine: you get your memories back after years of amnesia to find out your whole species is dead and earth doesn’t exist anymore. that the only thing left of your culture is your weird ex and his busted honda civic that barely even works that he stole from the government when he was 13. And he’s been taking members of an alien species for trips in his honda civic and they’re all like “woah it’s so cool” and you get upset because it’s NOT COOL it’s a honda civic, the turn signals don’t even work “wow it can go up hills” yeah OF COURSE IT CAN GO UP HILLS EVERY CAR COULD DO THAT. but they’ve never seen a car before so everything it does is the coolest thing ever. And your ex’s only tool is a fucking screwdriver which is somehow also cool to this dumbass alien species even though it’s a fucking screwdriver so you just look like an idiot screaming about how none of this is even cool it’s actually really shitty but your whole planet is gone so you can’t even prove it but also you’ve had a constant drumming sounding in your head since you were 10 slowly driving you insane. I would become evil too.

#This metaphor might have gotten away from me #Whatever #the master #toschei #doctor who #tardis #the doctor #Companion: wow it can actually fully reverse and go backwards! #The master: *seething bc EVERY CAR CAN DO THAT* #I would be so mad if the only thing left of my culture was my ex and his terrible car #That he doesn’t even have a license to drive #Tensimm #J watches drwho #I really wanna draw this but I don’t have any artistic ability due to there being no apples in my brain #Plus your ex kinda wants to fuck the car #P-14a #10k

[vivi-scera]

okay fun silly question because these are my favorite types of stories but what are your guys' favorite pieces of media that require the audience to go in blind? usually the synopsis is a diversion of some sort or there's just some killer plot twist that changes things (like the genre) significantly.

#i'll go first: mystic messenger and invincible #doki doki literature club is also up there but i haven't played it myself #i honestly think mystic messenger is THE best example. not only does it change the genre but also the mechanics of the game/medium #even saying that there is a plot twist gives away the plot twist i want it to be that good #OH puella magi as well ofc

[inkskinned]

at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"

like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.

"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."

... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.

and i'd still keep writing.

i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.

i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley

"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"

and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.

it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.

you create because you're greedy.

#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME #there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing #and the writing is what i need to be doing #writeblr #this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to #edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol #i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!! #my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means #i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her) #hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong #i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet. #i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse #i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!! #i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO #i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness #and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it #im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us #i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer #and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art. #i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work #even if it means being miserable #but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.

[inktho]

🎯 critical hit

#i was . going to draw a bullseye but i didn't want some DARTS NERD comin in to tell me a bullseye isnt even the best you can score. #poisoned by my audience as you can see. #anyway today's episode blew me away EVEN KNOWING WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN I WAS LIKE... *_* /HEARTRACING #dungeon meshi #chilchuck #full illust

[tagerrkix]

Eden was their ✨disney princess era✨

#it's canon #source: it was revealed to me in a dream #aziraphale being good with reptiles was all part of the ineffable plan #crowley is having the time of his life here #my only regret is that I forgot to include a baby aardvark #but I put ducklings there instead #aardvarks will have to wait #btw the snake aziraphale is holding is my pet snake that died in 2020 #my poor precious baby she was such a sweetheart #she liked to knock the thermometer off the glass and hide it #I was supposed to draw like an ordinary garter snake there buuut #it's MY silly doodle and I get to do what the heck I want with it 👁️👁️ #lmao crowley's brain is really malfunctioning here #guys he's a demon the creature of darkness foul fiend devil serpent #guys he can't get up the lamb is sleeping #somebody save him #there are vicious animals #and she's exp- #*JUMPS OUT THE WINDOW AND FLIES AWAY* #hey where the fuck is the gecko going #aziraphale #good omens fanart #crowley #aziracrow #good omens #ineffable husbands

[dootznbootz]

It saddens me that Helen of SPARTA is mostly known as Helen of TROY. As if she wasn't born, raised, and most likely, died in Sparta. Yes, she was of TROY for a while...But she was able to go back home to where she WANTED TO BE.

(Edit: Hating on Menelaus is illegal)

#makes me sad that when I want to tag her. it goes staight to “Troy” . Hector. Andromache. Priam. etc. are of TROY. she was only for acouple #years compared to that being their HOME. SHE wanted to go to HER home. MEH #idk what a good comparison would be but maybe like going abroad for job/school/etc. for a while. and then coming back home. #Are you now only known for what you did for a short while away from your home when you've spent the rest of your life home otherwise? #helen of troy #greek mythology #tagamemnon #helen of sparta #Mad rambles #shot by odysseus

[starkspi]

#so it turns out the mad durge route is PAINFUL #durge just killing themselves at the pier #and karlach just dies??? doesn't go to hell with wyll on her own? #astarion running away from the sun and never seeing durge again #no epilogue for mad dead durge #and UGH i so hate the editing of this but didnt want to make it again (maybe delete later??? not sure) #bg3 #astarion #astarion x durge #durge x astarion #astarion gifs #bg3 gifs #astarion ancunin #baldurs gate 3 #baldurs gate iii #baldur's gate 3 astarion #baldurs gate gifs #bg3 spoilers #baldurs gate spoilers #durge spoilers #astarion x dark urge #dark urge x astarion #dark urge spoilers #bg3 act 3 spoilers #bg3 act 3 #my edits

[theoldkyokodied]

One wedding and three funerals

Background paintings under the cut

#tomgreg #succession #tom wambsgans #greg hirsch #shiv roy #roman roy #kendall roy #yeah no im not tagging everyone thats too much #this is me going 'how much implications themes and symbolism can i fit in one painting' #yes i gave rose shivs haircolor. if we ever find out how she looks like and its not like this im just gonna pass away i guess #but yeah i hope yall connect the dots #i put waaay too much thought and work into this. i was googling pictures of all the actors as kids just for reference (sigh) #honestly kinda wanted to make tom and greg link pinkies as like. a pinkie promise. but that was too hard to draw in this angle #at least not without obstructing the view of the ring which is important to see so ya #my fave is actually the tomshiv wedding pic i went off with that. i love them... they should have run away to become sheep farmers fr fr #anyway im so glad im done with this UGH!! finally i can draw smth else without being like oh noooo i need to finish this #i see a lot of you wondering why there is no portrait of logan but one of ewan #it's bc the placement of the painting represent their standing. logans portray would not hang next to the stairs #his present portrait hangs at the end of it. all the way up at the top. alone and withering away #basically the picture you see underneath ewan to the right? its where toms parents would be. the right side of the wall is tom and gregs #and the left one is the roy siblings theirs. since they grew up rich rich. and tom and greg didn't #but ya thats why ewan hangs here and logan does not :)

[regonold]

Danny and vlad have a fight. Out of amity. As danny fenton and vlad masters. With a bit of ghostly strength. In metropolis. In broad daylight

Ok look they didn't mean for it to happen they were both stressed neither expected to see them out of amity and they were just bantering but then vlad brought up Danny's mom and well things got a bit out of hand some punches were thrown someone was bitten some things were thrown... some metal things were thrown hard

And look its not their fault honest they were so engrossed in their argument (that was an argument someone off to the side whispers) that they didn't notice him approaching them

And he couldn't exactly stop the punch when vlad dodged out of the way, and he really didn't know the guy in blue with a cape was behind him

And danny swears he didn't mean to punch the guy through that wall or that other wall

#dpxdc #dp x dc #dc x dp #dcxdp #dp x dc prompt #dp x dc crossover #i don't know what was going through my mind #i just really wanted vlad and dan y to be having a fight and accidentally launching superman away with a punch

[citree]

I just want to start a flame in your heart~ 🔥🧡🔥

#BEING THE CHANGE I WANNA SEE #AND FOLLOWING THRU FOR ONCE #they were friends!! they clicked instantly!! the first decent person she met and the first not to turn away when he told the truth! #She wanted to take him home and he wanted to go with her!!!!!!!! #no im not over them they're GREAT!! #Vaultknight #maximus fallout #lucy fallout #lucy maclean #lucy x maximus #fallout #fallout tv series #fallout tv show #fallout prime #fallout series #fallout tv spoilers #brotherhood of steel #myart #fanart #artists on tumblr #been wanting to do more lineart stuff so i thought i'd do some quick and dirty black lined stuff #which turned out not to be so quick. or dirty. in fact i refined so much my hand is numb now #worth itttt

[p4nishers]

i cant get over the ball being so CLEARLY all for crowley i can't get over aziraphale trying to woo him with a WHOLE FUCKING BALL because that's what he knows that's what romance IS for him because he's been wanting to dance with crowley ever since dancing was invented and he's so stuck in time with the way he dresses and talks and he still thinks a dance is the high of romance AND HE MADE A WHOLE ENTIRE FUCKING BALL FOR CROWLEY JUST SO HE COULD DANCE WITH HIM like now it's so fucking obvious he gave away his BOOKS without a second thought and it was all for crowley he organised a whole JANE AUSTEN THEME BALL just so he could have an excuse to finally dance with the love of his life and i can't get over this i'm shaking my fists and pacing up and down he did not give a single fuck about anything other than dancing with crowley and HE BARELY TOUCHED OTHER PEOPLE'S HANDS WHILE HIS WHOLE FUCKING PALM WAS PRESSED TO CROWLEY'S AND i need to lie down

#im actually not okay im never getting over this #this was actually the most romantic thing to ever happen on television prove me wrong you can't #no because he spent CENTURIES reading about and witnessing and orchestring romances and he's been wanting to living in them WITH CROWLEY al #this fucking time and crowley rescuing his books was the most romantic thing that ever happened to him and in return HE GAVE AWAY THE BOOKS #HE LOVES SO FUCKING MUCH FOR CROWLEY AND OH GOD OH JESUS #how am i still not normal about this show im literally box breathing and my heart is fucking POUNDING from a SHOW i cant i just cant #i need psychiatric help #good omens #good omens s2 #azicrow #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #ineffable spouses #good omens season 2 #ineffable husbands #go s2

[starcurtain]

2.1 Penacony Spoilers!

I know the scene after Ratio's "betrayal" can be read a lot of ways but I am shocked I haven't seen more people interpret it as Ratio being so worried about Aventurine that he couldn't stay away even though he was supposed to.

We know:

1) Ratio absolutely knew Aventurine's plan from start to finish, both his gamble to create "death" in the dream and with the three cornerstones. (Wish people would stop underselling Ratio in their analyses; "Three chips are enough" is a direct enough clue that, genius as he is, Ratio would never miss.)

2) In his own words, Ratio was acting according to Aventurine's instructions while in Dewlight Pavilion and with Sunday and felt that he did a good job not giving them away.

I think most people are on the same page up to there, but then I've seen a lot of people interpreting this scene after Aventurine leaves Sunday's mansion as Aventurine being genuinely angry at Ratio (possibly after having gaslit himself into thinking Ratio was actually betraying him).

But this doesn't make much sense to me because:

1) Ratio actually has nothing to gain by selling Aventurine out to Sunday. They're on the same side in this mission. Information about a Stelleron on Penacony wouldn't be news anyone with a brain like Ratio's and why would he need someone else's research on Stellerons when he already has ties to the Genius Society through Screwllum and Herta, as well as the Astral Express where the Trailblazer is actively housing a Stelleron?

2) One of Aventurine's most notable lines of dialogue is how it's perfectly fine and expected for "friends" to use each other and backstab. This is his default understanding of partners--why would he suddenly be mad about something he expected from the start?

3) If the betrayal wasn't already planned and was just a possibility based on Aventurine's understanding of Ratio, why would he ever have revealed there were "three chips" (aka three cornerstones) in play? If even the betrayal over Topaz's stone wasn't planned, just assumed, why would Aventurine reveal the existence of the third stone? He would gain nothing from doing so.

Instead, I think it makes a lot more sense to interpret Aventurine's frustration with Ratio in this later scene as annoyance over Ratio taking an "unnecessary" risk:

1) As far as Sunday knows, Ratio had just very seriously betrayed Aventurine, completely selling him out and essentially sending him to his execution.

2) In the scene afterward, Aventurine is out in public in the middle of Penacony where The Family's eyes are always watching, yet Ratio walks right up to him to check on him. Why would someone who just sold you out come up to you immediately afterward to check on your health?!

3) It's only natural that Aventurine would pump the brakes and go "Wow, didn't think you'd show yourself after you just betrayed me, remember?" Because that's the act they are supposed to be keeping up! They're still being monitored; it's not safe to break character!

But Ratio is a genius, right, so why would he break character here? From the standpoint of the ploy itself, revealing to the Family that he and Aventurine were still on the same side would only jeopardize the plan, not help it.

The logical explanation, then, is that Ratio went to Aventurine here because he felt like he had to.

He had to check in and make sure the situation was still under Aventurine's control.

(In fact, the entire exchange through the middle of this scene is Aventurine and Ratio confirming the rest of their plot in a veiled manner: Ratio brings up the plan and mentions what's concealed in the gift money bag, Aventurine confirms the cornerstone is good to go; Ratio asks what his next step will be; Aventurine says he's going to do the insane thing of handing out cash while looking pathetic [aka fishing for Sparkle]. Ratio essentially asks if he's crazy enough to take the final gamble with his own life, which Aventurine confirms, and then Ratio sets them up for the finale by gifting him the doctor's note.)

Ratio was willing to risk ruining their entire plan--something Aventurine does seem to be frustrated about at first--just to ensure Aventurine still felt all right about the situation.

He needed to deliver his note demanding Aventurine stay alive.

He needed to tell Aventurine to come to him if the situation got too painful to bear.

In short, Ratio was worried enough that he could not stay away even though, for the sake of their plot, it would have made significantly more sense for him not to appear. The gain of breaking character was worth more to him than the risk of being caught.

You honestly don't even have to take this in a shipping context. The real point here is that Ratio is an incredibly good person who wasn't okay with Aventurine's self-sacrificial plan and who felt morally compelled to check on a person in pain. He's a healer through and through, and ignoring Aventurine in this condition--ignoring someone who was taking so much risk on themselves--simply wasn't possible for him, no matter the danger it posed to the plan.

But for those who do ship Ratio and Aventurine... I hope more people will come to see this scene as another example of Ratio's genuine concern for his mission partner! He did not have to appear here at all; it would have made much more sense for him to leave Aventurine to his own devices to uphold the illusion of their "betrayal." He showed up in this scene--very likely against Aventurine's expectations--because he was concerned for Aventurine's situation and wanted to ensure Aventurine knew he could fall back on Ratio's support at any time if the plan went awry.

tl;dr: I wish people would stop interpreting this scene as the aftermath of a betrayal. Aventurine wasn't ticked off with Ratio in this scene because he felt like he'd genuinely been backstabbed; he was ticked off because Ratio was literally breaking their pre-established "betrayer" character just to be fussy over Aventurine's safety and well-being. (Okay, and to double check on the plan, but let's be real, the first part was definitely more important. 👌)

#honkai star rail #aventurine #dr. ratio #ratiorine #aventio #dr ratio x aventurine #I'M JUST SAYING #when you betray someone you don't check on them five minutes later!! #Dr. Ratio is a genius #he knows this #but he showed up anyway #Aventurine is over here sweating bullets like #'My dude WHY are you here GO AWAY we are acting like ENEMIES today' #and Ratio was just like 'Okay but do you NEED me?' #'Because I am here for you in case that needed to be clarified' #like 'Just want to make sure we're 100% clear' #'I AM HERE FOR YOU IDIOT' #Aventurine being shown a modicum of care: 'Disgusting.' #2.1 spoilers #penacony spoilers

[isjasz]

[Day 100 - Day 5: Sand]

And it slips away

#dddaily4sherin #hermittober #grian #goodtimeswithscar #desert duo #3rd life #3rd life smp #third life #trafficblr #traffic smp #my art #i wanted to do smth epic for day 100 but brain couldnt come up with a good composition so i went lighting go brr #just wanna. grasp the feeling of sand slipping away and nostalgia #i miss them jehuejeef </3