#tbh my experience with this class has just been a bunch of people super happy to help and make everything easier for everyone

[the---hermit]

shoutout to the person who went to the last philosophy exam and wrote down all the questions the professor asked so they could share them with the class and have everyone know what to expect

#i am so not used to philosophy questions this is such a good practice tool #thank you amazing person you really did your service #tbh my experience with this class has just been a bunch of people super happy to help and make everything easier for everyone #10/10 goals for any kind of class #i am not going to take anothe philosophy class i think i will miss this vibe it has been the most welcoming class i have ever taken #cris speaks #the---hermit

[theunaestheticstudyblr]

Autism and School

Autism affects many aspects of your life, not just social ones like many people think. Autism often occurs with depression, anxieties, OCD, and other mental illnesses. It also presents differently in males than it does in females, making it pretty hard to diagnose sometimes. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 21. I didn't know much about it but I did a TON of research because it scared me to be honest. Reading all about it made so much sense with how I act, but my cousin said something that helped more. She told me that it's something that I've always had my entire life it's just now it has a name. Nothing changed.

But doing research helped me learn a lot and change how I do things to make it easier because you can only run into a brick wall for so long. I hope I can help educate people who didn't even know where to begin like me as well as provide a place for conversation to happen and tips spread.

I have found that studying can be really hard especially when your head doesn't want to cooperate. You yell at it to do this thing but it says you can only do the other thing and it drives you insane. I find that fighting it doesn't help much. Instead, I have to bribe my brain. If I study for an hour, I get to play video games. Usually hyperfixation kicks in while studying and I focus well, forgetting about my reward. Sometimes though, every minute is pain and overwhelming. When that happens, I give myself a break. Honestly I don't know if doing so just feeds the behavior like giving into OCD things or not, but I don't know how else to mitigate that.

For projects, I try to force a hyperfixation by finding something in it I find cool. Then presenting isn't as bad because hey this is super cool and my brain wants me to tell everyone. But finding that thing gets hard and can make a project content heavy in only one part while very lacking in other parts. So I try to find small points in every topic (which is draining tbh).

Keeping on top of a schedule is honestly the best thing I have done for myself. It helps make sure I eat, hydrate, work, shower, and clean without freaking out over something. It also allows me to monitor foods and activities and see how they impact me mentally and physically, allowing me to make more educated decisions for myself. I know now that if I read in the afternoon, I tend to be calm the rest of the day whereas if I sleep in past 9 or 10am I know I will be stressing and freaking out all day.

Some days going to classes are difficult. That's why I wear makeup. I hate wasting money. If I put on makeup but stay home, I've wasted that makeup, time, and money. So therefor putting on makeup forces me to go to class. I also use this trick when I'm really depressed and I know I need to leave the house.

I find that focusing in class is easier when I have a distraction present as well. That way I'm not trying to focus on focusing and then getting stressed and anxious. Instead I let myself have a distraction which keeps me calm and happy and let's me focus without trying to force it.

I keep comfort items with me wherever I go as well which helps me be calm and happy. I feel more secure in class. Jackets are amazing for this for me. They give me a chance to "hide" and be cozy and focus. Journals are also great. I used to journal a lot and definitely need to get back into it.

I don't know a whole bunch about stimming or anything like that and most of what I read is targeted towards parents or children and it doesn't help much. From what I've interpreted, it's something to help ease anxiety and give your brain something to do while focusing on something but beyond that I am completely lost. A lot of autism tips say try stimming but fail to go into detail as to how and what, since many people have been able to grow up with help and education towards their autism so it's seen as common knowledge in the community. Other things I have no idea how to even go about is helping when my brain just freaks out. Like if something isn't done specifically and I break down and stuff. Its not the same as my OCD break downs and rituals. And hypersensitivity also. It is absolutely horrible and I have zero idea how to help that too, so if you know, I'd love to hear!!!!

Share your experiences, tips, and advice as well with autism and classes if you feel safe doing so. I would love to hear more about it all and would enjoy any advice y'all provide. I'm always looking for things to help!!!

#study blog #study hard #studyblr #school #student #student life #studying #productivity #autism tips #autistic adult #actually autistic #autistic life #autism #autism and school #learning #college tips

[meruz]

Aforementioned long ask post please excuse me while i try to figure out tumblr's new text editor. I’ll get into the art meme questions first and then the rest at the end.

Ok first of all thank you all for sending in questions! Giving me an excuse to talk hehe. I’ll address these in number order. Here’s a link to the ask meme for reference but also I’ll restate the question for ease of reading.

1. When did you get into art?

Super cliche answer but I don’t remember a time where I WASN’T the weird art kid! I started keeping a dedicated sketchbook when I was about 12? But here’s a page from my kindergarten journal about what I want to be when I grow up.

2. What art-related sites have you ever signed up for? 

LOL this is a weird question. Not sure why so many people want to know. Anyways I definitely had a dA. more than one dA account. I used to browse oekakis when I was a kid but I think I was only signed up to some small ones that internet friends owned. What else...? Mangabullet,Tegakie, Paintberri, iscribble back when that was a thing, instagram if that COUNTs, I used to post art on livejournal and dreamwidth too. Patreon, I guess. Gumroad, inprnt, bigcartel, storenvy all for selling stuff.

In terms of resources.. I have a schoolism account that I’m sharing with friends. Used to take classes on coursera for free. I signed up to textures.com for work recently haha. I can’t remember if I ever had an account on posemaniacs. Did they have accounts...? I definitely used to visit all the time.

3. Show us your oldest piece of art you have on hand.

Alright here’s me actually logging into my old deviantart account. These are from September 2008 So I was 13 years old. I don’t have a deviantart account from before then because 13 was the required age for having an account and I didn’t want to lie about my age because I wanted people to be impressed by how young yet clearly incredible at art I was LOL.

4. What defines your artistic style?

You guys are probably more equipped to answer this than me but uh... I wanna say... Focus on colors. And... a slightly heavy hand? Like confident... not always well-considered mark making HAH...

Also I think I have a pretty healthy mix of american comics/manga influences. I feel like people who are into american comics always think my art is too manga and people who are into anime/manga always think my art is too american. And I’m taking that as a good sign.

5. Do you practice other styles/have you tried other styles in the past?

I like to think I switch it up a bunch! I mean, these are pretty different, right?

I think I’ve mentioned this before but one thing I really took away from art school is that, for an illustrator at least, art style shouldn’t be consistent. Your greatest weapon is changing the aspects of your style based on the task, the emotions and message you want to illustrate etc. So depending on the project I’m working on, the fandom I’m drawing for, whether I want something to be funny or serious or dramatic, I’ll change things about my style all the time.

One thing I don’t rly post on here is really tight polished work and that’s because I do that for my day job haha. If you’re not paying me... I’m probably not gonna color in the lines.

6. What levels of artistic education have you had?

I have a whole ass diploma LOL. Bachelor of Fine Arts in Illustration. from the Rhode Island School of Design. And I had a great college experience tbh. Besides the student loans. If any of you guys are thinking about art school feel free to e-mail or message me questions or concerns, I’ll be happy to help. Be as honest as I can be.

7. Show us at least one picture you drew or sketched recently that you did not put on a public site.

heres the wandavision kids. Uhh what else do I have...I feel like I’m rummaging for loose change here...

assorted valentines prep doodles

8. What is your favourite piece that you have done?

Well, obviously this is gonna change all the time and generally it’s gonna be my most recent piece LOL. So yeah, why the hell not. I’ll say it’s this one. I have a pretty short memory which I count as a blessing for an artist. I don’t dwell that long on older work and it keeps me moving forward.

10. What do you like most about your art?

I like that it’s something that only I would make! I had this thought fairly recently and I wrote it down in my sketchbook, it’s pretty cheesy and rambling but it felt revolutionary at the time:

So yeah. I like my art best when it’s the most me and for me. And I like it least when it feels like I’m just making something for social media or for other people’s expectations or whatever.

14. What do you like drawing the most?

Kids in baggy clothing are like my go-to LOL idk if that’s obvious. but also I like being challenged so lately I’ve really loved drawing multi-character compositions, environments, weird angles, etc.

oh i LOVE drawing the underside of shoes lol. And bandages. People that are kinda beat up.. I think it comes from getting a bunch of cuts all the time. I’m always patching myself up and I want to patch characters up too.

15. What do you like drawing the least?

mmm I try to find something to like in every drawing but lets see... I don’t like doing commissions of people’s dogs. Just because it’s normally like... a family friend and my mom volunteered me without my consent and I don’t even really know what they’re expecting me to draw and I don’t even get to meet the dog. Also I’m not that great at dog anatomy. Trying to learn though.

18. What is your purpose for drawing?

This could have a million answers! Uhhh to GIT GOOD??? But also to express myself... and also to make money... I mean it depends on what the drawing IS. I draw fanart mostly to connect to people in the fandom so if you ever see me drawing fanart please take it as like an open invitation to talk to me about the character haha. 

20. How would you rank your art? (poor, mediocre, good, etc.)

Good!!! I have a lot of self-confidence primarily born out of ignorance and a short attention span. If I don’t think too hard about how many other artists are mindblowingly unfathombly good... its easy to think I’m good too! LOL

In all seriousness though, I think the opinion a person has of their art is like a crazy balancing act, right? Like you have to think you suck enough to want to get better but also you have to think you’re good enough to not want to give up. I think we’re all walking that line, I know I am! But also I’m a glass half-full type of person so. Most of the time I feel good about it.

22. List at least one of your “artspirations.”

This is a good question because I’ve been trying and failing to put together one of those “influence map” memes for like a full month now. What’s giving me a hard time is I feel like none of these are actually really obvious “““influences”““ in my art? Like it’s hard to see a lot of them in the work I make...? But idk maybe you guys’ll see what I can’t.

And these are just a couple! God there’s so many more. I could talk about other artists for ages, from all different genres of art. Daumier, Rockwell like every illustrator out there, Dana Gibson, Alex Toth, Hiroshi Yoshida, a lot of the Brandywine School. Lots of current working artists too, Karl Kerschl, frikkin Masashi Kishimoto lol, Jake Wyatt, Richie Pope, Edouard Caplain, Matt Cook, Sachin Teng, - lots of big internet artists, Sophie Li, Freddy Carrasco, Milliofish, Angela Sung... like all my friends from art school too. I could just keep going but I’ll stop for now lol.

24. Do you have a shameful art past? (recolour sprite comics, tracing art, etc.)

I mean if that’s how we’re defining shameful?? sure LOL. It’s not sprite comics but I used to do pokemon sprite recolors all the time. And I used to trace manga panels and color them... Granted this was all when I was like under 12 yrs old so it’s not even embarrassing. Can you really call it shameful when a 7 year old wets the bed or whatever? Not really. In fact some of these are cool as fuck. Look

25. Draw a picture!

Man I’m so tired now but here.

I used to get a lot of compliments for drawing people smiling lol but I don’t think I’ve drawn a lot of smiling lately.. here’s proof I’ve still got it.

OK MEME DONE. onto the rest.

I read this ask first thing when i opened my computer in the morning and it made me really emotional.. I’m so glad my sketches could help you!!

I think a lot of artists on social media talk about the struggle of making art but imo not enough people talk about the joy! Like I know it’s corny but. I really meant what I said at the beginning of that sketchbook about re-contextualizing art around process and progress > product and perfection. I think its super important..! The strength of messy, unfinished, and energetic art! For the feeling of it, for the love it!

That's crazy!!! I hope you like 'em. The whole line of x-books is really good rn imo.

Hi! I totally have the answer for digital stuff on my faq lol. But in terms of drawing on paper.. it varies! I tend to use sketchbooking and any on-paper doodling I do as a way to loosen up/warm-up or experiment. But right now my go-to aresenal is:

from top > bottom

- kuretake no.55 doublesided brush pen

- tombow fudenosuke

- muji 0.38 ballpoint

- medium size poscas

- grey tombow double brush pens

- good ol bic mechanical pencil

not EXACTly sure which inking you referring to from my sketchbook but if I had to take a guess it'd probably be the kuretake no55. That's been my main inker, lately. Great for sketching with the thin end too.

You can print out and eat my art if you like. Just please don't mass produce or re-sell. <3

Thanks! I've come to accept that my art is always gonna be sort of gestural and painty naturally. It's getting it to tighten up enough to be legible that's hard lol...

uh yeah lol I agree actually. I think yolei is great.

I assume these asks are related? LOL

1) Yeah totally true. I love David.

2) I don’t take requests, sorry! But if you want to commission me to draw Legion i would be MORE than happy to. Just e-mail me at [email protected].

<33333333333333333333333333

#ask #anonymous

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

alrighty so when I officially returned to tumblr a couple weeks ago I mentioned that some Things happened during my mini hiatus and that I’d update anyone who wanted to know about them once I got a chance

and now I have the chance, so if you’re interested in knowing what I’ve been up to since I last shared a personal post, here ya go:

first, for anyone who may have missed it, I graduated. which was super cool and I’m really happy about that. it was... kind of a weird experience, tbh, for various reasons, but mostly because due to a bunch of complicated circumstances, I didn’t really know anyone in my graduating class... which got me thinking a lot about community and friendship and having a place where you feel like you belong.

my family went on vacation to the Carolinian east coast, which was amazing. I got to see some historical spots I’ve wanted to visit for years, and my extended family in the area put together a graduation for me, and I had a cake that looked like a little hobbit house, and it was just all really fun

I took the ACT again, and again, didn’t get the grade I was hoping for. I was feeling pretty defeated about that at first, but I just put it all in the back of my head and tried not to over-think anything for a bit, and at this point, I’m at peace with it and am just going to let it rest. there are other scholarships I can pursue, this one wasn’t my only option. honestly the main reason I was trying to get this particular one was because if I got it, I felt like I could say with a fair amount of confidence which college I was meant to go to. now things are back in flux and up in the air and undecided, but that’s ok, and even if it seems like nothing’s changed, at least I know that specific path isn’t the one I’m going to take. it’s one possibility that has a definite “no” now that didn’t have that before.

so, tldr version: instead of continuing to stress out about why I didn’t get the grade I was trying for or continuing to push myself to bring the grade up any higher, I’m going to accept that this wasn’t the path I was meant to take, and spend my time doing other, more productive things.

like sewing and reorganizing my room!! which is what I’ve been doing this week. and also filling out job applications and (hopefully!) getting my driver’s license asap!! I’m going to make a portfolio of all the cosplay/other big-ish art projects I’ve made over the last few years, both just because I want that record for myself, and to show to any future college admins or employment opportunities where it might be helpful.

I’m also trying to focus on all the little things that keep going right in my life instead of only the big things that aren’t working out the way I personally wish they would. case in point: I got to go to a backyard concert for a young artist I really love. it was amazing and so encouraging and inspiring I’m seeing it as a little blessing and a reminder that there are still good things out there for me, I just have to keep trusting and looking for alternative options to the ones that aren’t working out.

I’ve been drawing a little more lately too, and I’ve got so many books lined up to read and I finally feel like I have the energy and concentration available to actually want to read them (as opposed to just feeling guilty all the time for not actively reading them). I’m back on watching through Classic Doctor Who and I’m trying to work out a time to get together with a very dear friend I don’t get to see very often who’s also graduated recently.

(I’m also planning to relisten to all of Gallifrey soon and actually write the many fanfic ideas I got when I listened to it all for the first time but couldn’t allow myself to explore too much because I was too busy with school.)

so yeah, I think that’s all the important stuff!! I’m honestly glad I decided to take some time off of The Internet right around graduation, because I really needed it then. but I’m also happy to be back here now and seeing all the people I had already started to think of as my tumblr friends on my dash again :))

#gurt says stuff #rambling #personal #graduation #if you read all that--thank you. you get a gold star sticker on your forehead XD #also I'm literally falling asleep over my laptop keyboard rn so I really hope this whole post doesn't look like trash in the morning hahhaha #:P

[sawyid]

Please give me your Sawyer NSFW headcanons. I am garbage for this man.

UNDERSTANDABLE he's such a special character and he's super hot so like ‼ damn sawyer you find as he'll... i won't you

obvious nsfw below the cut

first things first just to make sure nobody misconstrues what i have to say about sawyer: this man is a bottom. this man is SUCH a bottom. he'll tell you he's a switch because he CAN top if his partner(s) is(/are) more of a bottom than he is. don't let him fool you; he is a brat.

a = aftercare

sawyer can be the most tender guy in the whole world when he's with somebody he loves. If it's just a one night stand he might not put in the most effort to aftercare, but when he's in bed with a significant other ohhhhh my god let me tell you !!! he is so sweet.

if his partner(s) and him just had really rough/intense sex he makes sure to check in with them. he NEVER lets his top(s) experience dom-drop.

he really loves taking a bath with his partner after they fuck

he's super cuddly after sex and loves spooning. it doesn't matter if he's big spoon or little spoon, he just wants that closeness to someone. he's also super touchy and will give his partner massages and stuff while they drift off to sleep together

b = body part

i'm just gonna say it. he has a big dick and he's proud of it. he's very confident! he might not use it most of the time because he's a bottom, but it's still hot as fuck.

his favorite body part of his partner(s) is probably their stomach or their arms. he's a sucker for some toned arms, but he's ALSO a sucker for a soft tummy

c = cum

i'll be real this man is cum obsessed he LOVES being cummed on/in. he loves swallowing, he loves getting facials (from one or many partners), he loves when his parter(s) finish inside of him. he's also totally into spitballing.

d = dirty secret

this catboy can and will put on the fucking maid dress

e = experience

... do i need to answer this? we know he's a hoe and we love him for it. he's VERY experienced and has had many many many partners in his days. he doesn't have a preference of experienced/inexperienced partners because as long as he's having fun it's all good.

f = favorite position

who doesn't love a good doggy style? it's one of the basics and sawyer loves that shit. he looooves when his partner grips his hips real hard and pull him onto their dick/strap.

g = goofy

this man can NOT stand 100% serious sex. he is a firm believer in "if you can't laugh then it's not good sex"!!! like what's the point of being intimate with someone if you can't be genuine with them. he's super charismatic and if something goes "wrong" during sex he does a good job of making sure his partner doesn't feel insecure.

h = hair

i like to believe he trims his actual pubic hair, but leaves a cute happy trail of fuzz down his tummy.

he doesn't have a preference of his partner's hair as long as they're properly taking care of themself— which pretty much applies to all of sawyer's views. as long as his partner is happy and healthy then he's ready to go!

i = intimacy

up until this point i have been talking specifically about people that sawyer has an established relationship/connection with, but i think that now is a good time to bring up his internalized homophobia.

sawyer has no problem being intimate with women for... obvious reasons. he will always treat a girl right and loves to take his time making sure she feels special.

men, however....... that is a different story. he was raised in the south and what is one thing the south is known for? homophobia! woo! (/s) it took sawyer a VERY long time to come to terms with his bisexuality and it was a rocky journey.

in his early teens he realized he was attracted to other guys in his classes/peer circles/etc, but tried to shove it away and ignore it. he dropped out of school in 9th grade and spent more time trying to ignore his attraction to men. in his late teens/early 20s he gave up trying to suppress it and "gave in" to his "homosexual desire" and began having very meaningless sex with random men. he always topped because he thought it was Less Gay if he wasn't bottoming. by the time oceanic 815 crashed on the island, he knew he was bisexual and had even become comfortable with bottoming, but he was still terrified of intimacy. what it boils down to is trust issues.

there's this fic that really just. WOW. it is perfect. it's about sayid and sawyer's exercises with trust and idk. this fic is just really special i hold it so close to my heart. sawyer and sayid have an agreement where they get to do Anything to each other to learn trust & self control, and sawyer lets sayid do SO MANY THINGS TO HIM. but when sayid tries to kiss him, sawyer says their safe word. please read this fic i am begging you

okay NOW!! at his best he LOVES intimacy. no matter the gender of his partner, once he learned to accept himself he also learned how to be intimate and not feel guilty about it. he loves cuddlefucking and holding his partner as close to him as he can possibly get them. he's super clingy, it's kind of adorable.

j = jack off

tbh he has a bunch of partners, he does Not need any alone time LMFAOOOO

and with that i say

🏃🏻‍💨

i have been writing about this for too long i need to go to SLEEP !!!

if you want me to finish the alphabet just reply in the notes/send another ask/shoot me a pm, and i'd be happy to do it! i've just been working on this on and off for a few hours and i'm ready to call it a day. i hope you enjoyed!

#nsft #didyoujustcallmedetective #ask #sawyer

[inkofamethyst]

October 1, 2021

Me, last night: No dairy tomorrow!!!  I must preserve the clarity of my throat before the audition!!!

Me, at breakfast today: Ah yes.  Yogurt.

Me, at lunch today: Ah yes, a cheeseburger enchilada.

You know, my attitude toward my physics class has noticeably been pretty poor.  And, honestly, that affects my learning.  Even though I don’t particularly care for social theory, I’ve been approaching my medical anth class with an open mind and I’ve been learning a ton (even if the theory is pretty annoying at times).  I remember approaching Orgo I from the perspective of “I want to like this class and I am going to think this class is interesting” and I think that probably played a role in hyping me up to do pretty well in the class.  I’m not doing all that great in physics, honestly, and part of it is probably that I’m not putting in the work because I don’t care.  And I think I’m going to try to put a stop to that now.

Lowkey though, my medical anth intro class is actually really interesting.  Like, social science tends to annoy me to no end because it feels like a bunch of people with no real job who just sit around all day thinking of how they can redefine terms that bear almost no meaning to most people and then writing entire books about these terms that hardly anyone other than their buddies in the same field read.  But.  I mean, yeah, I get those vibes a lot from this class, it is an offshoot of social anthropology, after all, but it also seems like a really more grounded type of social anthropology and the way that the prof has structured the class so far has been really intuitive and interesting.  I mean, it hasn’t, like, affected me profoundly or anything, but it is quite fascinating, and who am I if not a person who likes to learn about fascinating things just for the sake of them being interesting.

Anyway, about the audition(!) which I know you’ve all been waiting for.  I’d intended to arrive half an hour before my audition, but I got there ten minutes before, huffing and puffing, my cello-friend next to me perhaps even more winded due to his big ol instrument that he had to lug through “Tailgate Hell” to get the the performing arts center since there was a game this evening (I love the buzz on campus that comes with Friday games tbh.  Like I couldn’t care less about the Sport, but I like how people are all happy (though these happy folk don’t tend to wear masks which is another thing but yknow)).  But we made it!!

I had a bit of time to calm myself and do a lil bit of practice (in a super nice-sounding stairwell!) which was nice, but I kept missing a note that I thought I’d had down and that was really screwing with me.  Anyway I went into the audition room and the main guy running it, the choir director, was super charismatic and I totally took on his energy, you know, in that acting-is-reacting sort of way?  I know I wanted to go in calm and cool and collected, but I adopt vibes like nobody’s business so I didn’t manage to temper my excitement.  They (the panel of three) asked about my music background, my interest in the group (I name-dropped Austin Wintory and totally should’ve mentioned others but alas), and then I sang the excerpts!  The choir guy had perfect pitch (he offered to give me starting notes, right, and I thought he was going to pull out a piano app, but he just hummed it and that really threw me off guard ngl) which made me really glad that I’d spent the time to work on my audition pieces with a tuner.  I sang, they seemed happy with what they’d heard, and then I left to go chill with my cello-friend before his audition.  He’s really quite good at his instrument, truly.  He told me that he hadn’t auditioned in six years, since he auditioned for the higher orchestra his freshman year in high school which is wack bc I was out here tearin out my throat over these theatre auditions every spring.

Anyway he did his audition, we chatted about the experience, and we met up with some other auditioners outside the classroom we’d commissioned nearby, then we headed out.  I went to the climbing wall (which was nearly empty which was awesome and totally because of the Friday game!) and did the medium difficulty one and it was fun!!  I also almost got to a full pull-up on the bar thing!  I realized that doing the climbing stuff reminds me of being on a playground, and that’s a really enjoyable feeling.  I then ate some dinner and read some of The Witcher #2, and now I’m back at the apartment :)

I... I feel good about the audition.  I don’t remember much of the actual singing part (except that I was runnin outta air in the second one especially bc I hadn’t taken good breaths bc it was the one I was nervous about with them stinkin Gs), I rarely ever do (it’s like some sort of audition blackout thing that I pretty much always get, especially with singing auditions (I don’t know if this is normal, but like,,, yea)), but I think I did pretty well.

I find out the results tomorrow night, just in time for a first rehearsal Sunday night, I think, so I’ll let y’all know as soon as I know.

Today I’m thankful that, at least, I didn’t bomb the audition.  Even if I don’t make it (which would be majorly disappointing, I’ll admit), it won’t be the end of the world.  There are certainly other performance avenues (like the woman-centered theatre troupe

AHHHHHHH YALL KNOW HOW IM NOSEY AND PARANOID AND CURIOUS

WELL I WENT TO LOOK AT THE SIGN UP SHEET TO SEE IF ANYONE ELSE HAD REGISTERED FOR AN ALTO AUDITION RIGHT

WELL I WENT TO THE SPREADSHEET AND THEY HAVE THE GOOGLE DOC WHERE THEYRE TAKING NOTES JUST LINKED AT THE TOP IN THE CORNER FOR ANYBODY TO SEE

I MEAN IT’S KINDA HIDDEN BUT ALSO NOT REALLY

ANYWAY

THEY SAID MY FIRST ONE WAS “solid” AND THAT I “needs more breath support but it’s an audition it happens” AND WAS “a little shaky, prob nerves” AND THAT I HAD “good intonation” WHICH AHHH EEEEEEE :D

AND THEY SAID MY SECOND ONE, THE ONE WITH THE TRICKY NOTES WAS “very pretty, kept the pitches while a capella which can be hard especially for this beast of a song”

I also got a “hell yea” next to my name on the doc

so uh anywaAY,

they commented on my ability to stay in tune with both songs :D  Wish they’d mentioned the fact that I was in time with that second one but alas I’ll take that I sounded pretty and was in tune anyday <3

I told my cello-friend about the page and he said he didn’t wanna look lol and I understand, he’s got quite a bit of competition in the cellos.  But I was watching some of the recordings last night and it looks like they have a pretty big cello section.

In other Arts News, my sister had just informed me that only people in theatre classes can audition for shows at my high school now.  That’s entirely awful, in my opinion.  You wanna restrict leads to theatre classes only (the “new” (she’s been there since I’ve been gone so like she’s just new to me lol) theatre teacher’s original decree (as a matter of fact, the theatre teacher who was fired my senior year wanted to do this, but I advised him against it.  He felt like the stage was too crowded which like, sure maybe, but it was fun))?  Alright, that sucks, but fine, whatever, at least the shows aren’t cut off from everyone else in the school.  I can’t even fathom how that would be a good idea.  Like, I can understand, maybe, having small-cast shows like Godspell or Almost, Maine or something as like a ~bonus show~ that’s only for people in theatre classes, or maybe a fall show for theatre class takers only, but all mainstage shows??  Ugh whatever.  I’m thankful for what I got to experience, at least.  In theatre and in band, especially my first three years in high school.

Today I’m thankful that I didn’t bomb my audition.  No.  Today I’m thankful that my audition went well.  I am thankful that I had a very satisfactory audition for my first ever symphony orchestra, even if it is only a student club.  My first audition in a long time.  My first ever choir audition (I might’ve done it senior year of high school had I not gotten bad vibes from the choir director the entire time I’d known him).

I know my cello-friend is nervous.  I really really hope he gets in.  It would be really awesome to be in an ensemble together, something we technically haven’t done since he was in pit for the musicals in high school.

Also, I need to work on my whole energy adoption thing.  I had already intended to do my bubbly Theatre President Act Thing, but I’m afraid I might’ve overdone it because I was anticipating a very chilled out audition panel but I got a little bit more than I’d anticipated, and in the process of reciprocating that energy I sort of just added it on top of my Theatre President Act which could’ve been a bit much.

BUT.

Now is not the time to be critical of myself.  Now is the time to sleep.  I’ve got stuff to do tomorrow (cleaning and also homework I’ve been putting off).

[mysticm3ss]

RFA+Saeran x MC who does muay thai

not requested, but i was at a muay thai class today and just started thinking abt this so i figured i’d write it. this is pure self-indulgence, sorry haha. if you haven’t heard of it before, muay thai is thai kickboxing ^^ (also i’m not claiming to be an expert by any means i’ve only been doing it for like 6 weeks i just rly like it)

Yoosung:

Lowkey terrified when he finds out.

That said, the experience in which he discovers your hobby isn’t exactly “ideal.”

It was late as the two of you walked home from one of your dates; the street lamps were dull, the traffic nothing but a slow trickle as you walked hand in hand down the footpath, sharing whispers and hushed giggles in the quiet of the night.

Safe by Yoosung’s side and all too occupied as the apple of his eye, you don’t even notice the person who had been following you the past block and a half.

When they make their presence known by grabbing your purse, your fight instincts take over and you slip easily into your muay thai stance, throwing quick, consecutive punches without thinking and easily blocking attempted counterattacks.

You follow it up with a knee to the liver and a brutal kick to their inner thigh. When you throw an uppercut elbow into their chin, they collapse into an unconscious heap before you.

Still shaking with adrenaline (and, to an extent, surprise at your own skill), you pry your purse from their grip and step away, only to find Yoosung gaping at you.

“...Yoosung?”

He blinks, shaking his head to snap himself from his stupor as he manages to stammer a response.

“M-MC... what the hell was that?! Oh my god, are you okay?!”

He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t hella turned on tbh

You chuckle sheepishly. “Heh. Yeah, I’m fine... you know how I go to the gym? It’s... technically a muay thai gym.”

Yoosung manages to nod, and stares in disbelief as you revert back to your usual self, pecking his cheek before taking his hand and continuing to walk down the pathway.

He can’t help but watch you in awe.

Wow, his partner is awesome.

Zen:

When Zen notices the bruises marring your legs and torso, he’s immediately concerned.

“Jagi... what happened? Are you okay? How did you get all these bruises? Is someone hurting you?!”

You can see the anger bubbling beneath the surface, and you run your hand down his arm soothingly before he can get too riled up.

“No, no, it’s fine, Zen... they’re just from muay thai.”

Zen’s brow furrows into the most adorable pout of confusion as he tilts his head to the side.

“...from what?”

You explain the sport to him, and his eyes light up with interest.

“Oh, wow! Maybe I could... go with you, sometime?” he suggests idly, and you nod eagerly.

The next week, you drag him to a beginner’s class.

The moment you walk into the gym, Zen’s chest tightens with jealously. The gym is full of guys. Shirtless guys. Fit shirtless guys.

When you greet them all as friends, even hugging a few who hadn’t been in for a while, Zen can’t help but pull you a little closer to his side.

“...MC, y-you come here almost every day?” he asks, and you giggle, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth and easily spotting the hint of insecurity in his eyes, and the protectiveness that shadowed it.

“Yes, and I come home to you,” you remind him, and he immediately relaxes, nodding and casting aside his worries as he instead focusses on enjoying the sport you devote so much time to.

You start off by teaching him how to wrap his hands and volunteering to hold pads for him first, once he’s learned some basic movements.

He’s already fit, so it doesn’t take him too long to get down the basic technique...

...but his punches are weak, his kicks weaker, and you know right away that he’s going easy on you.

“Zen. Babe. You can kick harder,” you prompt, and he chuckles.

“What? I know... I just...”

You grin, and the timer buzzes, signalling the end of the round.

When the instructor begins to describe the movements for the next round, he drags you to the front of the room to demonstrate, considering your experience in comparison to the other beginners. When he gets you to hold pads for him, Zen flinches as he watches the instructor knee the belly pad strapped around your waist, followed by the quick, solid roundhouse kick you easily catch with the pads. 

The thwack of flesh on leather has Zen half ready to leap to your defence, but he can only stare in awe as you easily absorb the impact.

You swap partners for the next round, and Zen couldn’t possibly describe his anxiety as he watches you partner up with someone almost twice your size.

His anxiety fades into admiration as he watches you land punch after punch, nailing kicks and knees into your partner’s waiting pads like nobody’s business.

he almost gets punched in the head (twice) while he’s not paying attention let’s be real

By the end of the class, Zen has already made friends with your buddies--if they’re important to you, they’re important to him, as well, and he’d be damned if he didn’t want to make a good first impression on them.

When the two of you head home that evening, Zen relents that maybe the sport isn’t for him (he can’t have bruises on his beautiful skin after all), but is always eager to support your interests.

Jaehee:

This judo enthusiast is thrilled when she hears that you enjoy a combat sport, as well.

Peppers you with questions about the differences between the two sports, and would honestly love to give sparring with you a go in order to compare techniques...

...which is exactly what the two of you end up doing.

You’re not trying to hurt each other, of course--you set boundaries and never go at each other with full power.

But when the two of you finish up, you’re both patterned with mottling bruises and aching limbs.

After a hot shower, the two of you cuddle up on the bed, all tangled limbs and gentle nuzzling as you press soft kisses to one another’s wounded skin.

You run your hands along Jaehee’s back and gently massage her sore muscles, feeling the tension seep from her body as she relaxes into the sheets, humming contentedly at your touch.

When you’re done, she returns the favour, ending it with a soft kiss to the lips that breaks as you both can’t help but smile against one another’s mouths.

“That was fun, MC...” she murmurs, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “But... maybe we should leave sparring to our respective classes. I don’t like the idea of hurting you.”

You smile, wincing as you shuffle to glance over at her, body still throbbing dully in pain.

She mimics the action, ribs obviously sore and arms tired as they wrap around your waist, warm and soft.

“Mmm... good idea,” you reply, pressing your face into her neck and placing a soft kiss to her jaw. “I don’t want to hurt you, either.”

Jumin:

When Jumin finds out about your hobby, he’s a mix between intrigued and impressed.

“MC, as much as I love that you’re capable of defending yourself, you do realise we have a whole security team dedicated to your safety...?”

You smile goodnaturedly and explain to him that it’s not just about the self-defence, though that is an added bonus; it’s about the stress relief and satisfaction of being able to nail a certain move or combo, and the thrill that comes with sparring.

When he sees just how much you enjoy it, he considers hiring a world titleholder to act as your personal trainer.

And as much as the idea of meeting such a skilled individual excites you, you explain that it’s really not necessary.

You love the comradeship you have at your gym, and your primary goal isn’t to fight professionally, anyways. You’re happy where you are.

Definitely buys you top-notch equipment--we’re talking brand new gloves and shin pads, so fancy that you’re a little scared to imagine the heavy price tag they bore.

Loves to watch you practise shadowboxing around the house, and peppers you with questions about your technique.

Even asks you to show him a few moves.

let’s just say that muay thai is not jumin’s forte

Regardless, you appreciate his interest in your passion, and definitely enjoy the hot baths he draws to soothe your sore muscles, and the loving attention he pays you afterwards.

Seven:

“MC, that’s amazing~! Who would’ve thought my innocent sweetie was so tough and talented!”

Honestly, the idea of you engaging in the sport is really exciting to him.

and turns him on to no end

Eager to drive you to, and pick you up from, all of the classes you go to throughout the week.

Your biggest supporter if you ever choose to fight, and working out with you is one of the few things that can drag him away from the constraints of his work.

He doesn’t mention it, but the fact that you’re somewhat competent in combat is also really reassuring to him.

Knowing that you can look after yourself if the situation arose? Super comforting to him, especially regarding his line of work.

Insists on sparring with you.

“Saeyoung, do you even know anything about muay thai, let alone how to spar in it?”

“Whaaaaat? Of course~!”

(He doesn’t)

(He doesn’t even block any of your punches)

(C’mon man you’re a secret agent you know how to block a goddamn punch)

“Ohh, MC, you’re just too strong for me~ God Seven is forced to surrender!”

Brags about you to the RFA chat every other day.

“Hey, did you know MC can totally beat me up~?”

“...Seven, confine your kinks to the bedroom please”--the entire RFA

Regardless, he’s super proud of you and will always, always support your interests, especially one he finds so cool!

Saeran:

It makes him uneasy.

The idea of a bunch of people throwing punches at you, with only a foam pad between you and their fist or elbow?

Nope. Not a fan.

And when you come home with bruises?!?!

“I thought you said they weren’t really hurting you?!”

“Sae, I literally did this to myself. The boxing bags aren’t soft on my shins, y’know.”

Begrudgingly admits he’s glad you know how to defend yourself, though.

Plus he sees how happy you are when you come home, and nothing can beat the flutter in his chest when he sees the light in your eyes and the grin on your face, even when you’re sweaty and sore.

Eventually, it’s something that he gets used to, and he finds himself kissing the bruises marring your skin and rubbing tiger palm into your sore muscles.

So long as you’re happy, so is he.

hope you enjoyed! i don’t expect many people to read this one but if you’ve made it this far, why not reblog or comment and let me know what you think? xx

#mystic messenger #mm #mysme #jumin han #saeyoung choi #707 #hyun ryu #zen #yoosung kim #jaehee kang #saeran choi #mm jumin #mm saeyoung #mm zen #mm jaehee #mm saeran #mm yoosung #mysme zen #mysme seven #mysme jumin #mysme saeran #saeyoung choi x reader #hyun ryu x reader #saeran choi x reader #jumin han x reader #mm headcanons

[wexhappyxfew]

HAPPY TRIVIA TUESDAY SHANNON!! Why did you start writing and how did you get from your starting point to here? (Like- basically can you talk about your development as a writer?)

AHHHHH JAMIE HAPPY TRIVIA TUESDAY!!!! and omg thank you so much for the ask you wonderful human, you’re such a supportive bean thank you!!! <3 

and these questions *chef’s kiss*

One of the main reasons I started writing is actually something people may not suspect. Growing up, I actually HATED writing because of experiences in a 3rd grade or 2nd grade class - I can’t remember exactly. But we were supposed to write a short story and when I presented mine, I was told that it didn’t have good enough ‘context’ or a real drive or plot, even though for me I thought it did. Supposedly it just ‘wasn’t what the hopes of writing a short story would be’. I was later told it was because I needed a simpler topic. Smh. So that set me off really and all through elementary I strayed from writing, writing classes, anything and I mostly just read because I was like just not confident at all with writing. And I struggled big time with essays, reports, story writing. In 6th grade, my ELA teacher tore apart my story as well - so yeah I wasn’t exactly happy about that either :( I was already off on a bad foot. 

But when I reached 7th grade - this was after my best friend introduced me to Wattpad and such - I started seeing the impacts of fanfiction actually and that you can base it off something and then make it completely your own! WHICH I LOVED! Because I like a bit of structure BUT THEN I LIKE GOING WILD!!! I like having that model a bit, but then being able to go and do what you want with writing. 

And honestly, I’ll be honest, I have written over 20 different works, but Band of Brothers is my only published work :) It’s short stories, other fics based on stuff like Stars Wars, The Maze Runner, etc...a bunch of stuff like that! 

And then I really discovered the impact of writing on me. I found that it became a hobby for me and I knew that when homework was done - I had the ability to go and write and escape to a completely different world. And for me, since I have trouble focusing in school and then it makes stuff more difficult to complete homework and such, I liked being able to escape to a different world through writing. And writing saved me more than anything in quarantine.

At the beginning of quarantine, I just was not in a good headspace especially with everything happening, but being able to go and write The Soldier of Stars with Hazel Parker, and being able to develop a deeply flawed character and write interactions with others, and then go and write a strong female bonded friendship as well as strong female characters who were also deeply flawed, really helped me through because it was rough. I don’t know what I would’ve done without it. 

But writing truly, I saw a change in myself even in school. Because of writing fanfiction really, I saw improvements in my essays at school surprisingly by 8th grade! They were used for examples, I was getting good grades on them - even if it were just a science report - and the teachers were complimenting my way of writing and my style. I remember in 8th grade I was partnered with a girl, where we were given 10 vocab words and had to create a story with it and we would share our stories with each other and I remember looking at me after I read it and saying, “ YOU wrote that? ITS AMAZING!” and she was just super shocked. And I think that’s where I really started writing after that tbh. 

Through high school I had major improvements and by my AP Lang Exam I took, I was nervous bc it was 45 mins for it, which isn’t exactly normal bc of COVID, but I was just like “Focus, you write FOR FUN for HOURS ON END, you can write for 45 minutes.” And that really focused me. And I got a 5 on the exam, which I was very happy about. But I swear it’s simply because of how much I write, and how OCD I am about making sure it is all perfect and up to my standards. I swear on it. Because with my writing, I like a flow and I feel if you don’t have a flow it just doesn’t work - and having a flow helped me AP exam bc without it, I would’ve done worse. But flow helps and being able to write with a flow helped more than anything! SO YES fanfiction helped earn me a good grade on my AP exam LOL

And for me writing has just been a place to express who I am. Sure, I like clothes, but most of the time for school, I’m too tired to try super hard and end up throwing on a sweatshirt and leggings and I’m not super talkative either, I’m quite shy. So writing, is where I really feel I can express myself and just BE myself. I can purely just write for fun and if people read it COOL! THANK YOU! But I’ve always written for myself, for personal enjoyment, and to see my characters, so when others love them, it’s always so nice!!! But writing has always been such a personal thing for me, and I love it more than anything in the world, where I feel I can truly express myself! <3

AND...my development as a writer is something I can definitely talk about!! <3

For me, each new story I write, I can see myself developing. Because when you start out, you’re not perfect - I SOOOO was not perfect - I wrote in 1st person (NO HATE AT ALL I JUST SUCK AT FIRST PERSON), I barely included any emotional value or ideas focused simply on timeline, I just wrote without second thought or really a care. But with Band of Brothers, I really developed. I write in 3rd person heavily, so I can explore different heads and emotions and character arcs, and ideas and interior monologue, which for a quiet person like me I LIVE FOR!

For Sunshine Soldier, I wrote with Charlotte Tarvers and developing her character, as she is someone who is very similar to myself, is something I have loved more than anything in this world. She’s my OG OC, my original little BoB Beeb. And her story I really focused on relationships and friendships of characters, simply because of what I was trying to portray with her of the fact she was a character who was called ‘Sunshine’ and loved everyone and was loved by everyone and was really that light in Easy. But in that story, I didn’t develop emotions (as I go back and reread) and descriptions as much as I wish I had. I feel there’s parts EVERYWHERE, where I could go in and add a little bit more of everything there

For The Soldier of Stars (+Ad Astra Per Aspera) I feel you see A BIG CHANGE in writing because this is where, with a quiet character like Hazel Parker who is heavily and deeply flaws, where we see the emotion and description that Sunshine Soldier misses at some points, comes out. Writing Hazel’s character (+that of Catherine and Lizzie and their bond) we focus more on an internal monologue, heavy and deep set emotions, and a constant questioning of reality from someone who is deeply hurt, and quiet and humble and soft-spoken like Hazel. And for me, there’s just so many lines in The Solider of Stars that I love with all my heart, because there are so filled with emotion and deep meaning and such and ACK I LOVE IT! One of my favorites is from Ad Astra Per Aspera - Chapter 4: The Little Bird, where all it is, is Hazel’s interior monologue after her wound. Her struggle and mental battle to simply stand and use the bathroom normally - from bed to bathroom and back. And there’s no present dialogue - very in character for Hazel, and simply just flashbacks and her mental mind having it’s own battle with having to constantly push herself to get over this fear and keep pushing herself to get better, to keep fighting. It’s a hard chapter, but so deeply beautiful of a raw struggle of simply being human.

And I feel with The Soldier of Stars (+Ad Astra) I felt myself simply just write with so much pure and raw emotion, which I held from Sunshine Solider a bit, even though Sunshine Soldier has A LOT I feel still LOL. But I definitely saw growth between these two stories, a whole lot, and I feel as I keep going I’ll just keep growing and growing with it all.

I feel with The Soldier of Stars (+Ad Astra ) I finally took the time and care to focus on my characters, and each of them individually, and really focus on emotions and feelings, which is something present in war for many and especially having a quiet character makes it easier I feel because they don’t say much but they FEEL so much. 

I would talk about Landslide - but I don’t want to get out of hand and spoil anything, so I’ll leave it at that for the moment <3 

I’ve just truly seen myself really develop and grow as any writer would and it has been so fun to see where my writing has taken me!! Thank you so much for the question Jamie, this was truly SUCH a good one to ask, because I can tell just a bit of my own story and personal struggle with it all. Thank you!!! <3

#writing! #asks! #jamie! #ask about my writing #writing is such a lifesaver and i can just express who i am and i love it sm <3

[binkysteebnpewter]

All of them 😤

Ehehe 😂💗

1. What’s your middle name, and do you like it?

Grace is actually my middle name, and somewhat. I just don’t like it when my family calls me by first and middle together.

2. are you artistic?

Somewhat?

3. Have you had your first kiss?

Yes

4. What is your life goal?

It’s cheesy and a little cliche, but I want to find Home.

5. Do you have any experiences with a famous person?

Nope

6. Do you play any sports?

Not anymore but I used to play football and I was on the wrestling team in HS

7. What’s your worst fear?

I have two that are sort of equal with another but I’m afraid of losing the people I care about and people seeing me the way I see myself.

8. Who’s your biggest inspiration?

My late Nana, Gloria.

9. Do you have any cool talents?

Answered in previous ask

10. are you a morning person?

Not at all

11. How do you feel about pet names?

I love them

12. Do you like to read?

Absolutely

13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life.

NCIS, Criminal Minds, and any marvel movie

14. Do you care about your follower count?

Not really, I’ll celebrate milestones but that’s just to show everyone I appreciate them following my trash pile. I didn’t start writing to have a high following, I started writing to better my skill and also make people happy.

15. What’s the best dream you’ve had?

I don’t remember most of my happy dreams

16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender?

Yep!

17. Do you have any pets?

I have three dogs 🥺💗

18. Are you religious?

No. They only thing I actually believe in is ghosts.

19. Are you a people person?

Not really

20. Are you considered popular?

Nope, and I don’t care to be

21. What is one of your bad habits?

Overthinking

22. What’s something that makes you feel vulnerable?

Opening up my emotions to other people

23. What would you name your children?

No clue

24. Who’s your celebrity crush?

There’s a bunch ig

25. What’s your best subject?

Science and history

26. Dogs or cats?

Dogs, I love cats but I’m super allergic

27. most used social media besides tumblr?

I don’t use a lot of social media tbh, so tumblr is probably my most used unless you count youtube

28. best friends name

Duke

29. who does your main family consist of

My friends and my brother. Family isn’t just blood

30. Chocolate or sugar

Both

31. have you ever been on a date?

Yep

32. Do you like rollercosters?

Absolutely love them

33. Can you swim?

Yes 💗

34. What would you do in the event of an apocolypse?

Clearly, I’d do what everyone else does. Panic and try to survive.

35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder?

Yes, I struggle with anxiety and depression

36. Are your parents together?

Nope.

37. What’s your favourite colour?

Dark green and Dark Blue

38. What country are you from/do you live in?

Unfortunately, the U.S

39. Favourite singer?

Uh... there’s too many to list? But my favorite people to listen to is The Oh Hellos

40. Do you see yourself being famous some day?

Nope, I run from being the center of attention.

41. Do you like dresses?

Not really

42. Favourite song right now?

Fly Me To The Moon by Frank Sinatra

43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

Sort of.

44. How old were you when you first got your period?

No clue, I don’t remember

45. Have you ever shot a gun?

Yep

46. Have you ever done yoga?

No

47. Are you a horror girl?

YES 😈

48. Are you good at giving advice?

I suppose I am?

49. Tell us a story about your childhood.

I don’t have a lot of happy memories but one that sticks out is: I used to go to a private Christian academy and I was in first grade when this boy in eighth grade (the entire school was k-12) came over to me during my lunch. I was super scared and shy as a kid so my schedule was tailored so I was able to eat lunch with my brother whose nine years older than me. Our mom forgot to pack our lunches so we were gonna just get some stuff from the vending machine, well my brother gave me my money to get something and this boy came over to me before I could put it in the vending machine. He hit me and took my money, buying himself something with it. My brother seen it and got into a fight with him.

50. How are you doing today?

Eh

51. Were you a cute kid?

I looked like Shirley Temple when I was a kid

52. Can you dance?

I can swing dance and slow dance, but that’s it.

53. Is there anything you do that you can’t remember ever not doing?

I always look for exits and bathrooms when I go somewhere, I’ve always done it 🤷🏻‍♀️

54. Have you ever dyed your hair?

No because I’m a ginger. I can’t just dye it back if I end up not liking the color I dyed it to.

55. What colour are your eyes?

Brown

56. What’s your favourite animal?

Answered in previous ask

57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself?

Multiple times

58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

My relationship with my dad is rocky but my relationship with my mother went up in flames a few yeaes ago 🤷🏻‍♀️

59. Do you have good friends?

I have some amazing friends🥺💗

60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group?

Yep!

61. What’s your favourite class?

My favorite class was Psychology

62. List all the tv shows you are watching.

I’m rewatching Criminal Minds right now.

63. Are you organized?

Somewhat?

64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion?

I don’t know if it counts as a movie but I just finished a Ted Bundy Tapes Documentary. I think Bundy was a little bit of an idiot.

67. Which tv character do you relate to most?

Spencer Reid

68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness?

Anxiety, Depression, overthinking

69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing?

I would probably still work, I’m not a fan of sitting around and doing nothing for large amounts of time.

70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die?

Find a way to die, I don’t want to live forever. That’s just torture 👀

71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you?

Nothing. I’ll act the same as I always have because I am who I am, there’s no reason to change yourself from when someone is watching and when someone isn’t.

72. If you could start over, what would you do differently?

A lot 😂

73. Would you break the law to save a loved one?

Yep

74. When was the last time you travelled somewhere new?

I went to Disney with my Chorus Class in Junior Year of HS, it was my first time to Disney.

75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind?

Nothing, I’m looking for Home. Home will be someone I feel safe with, someone I can be completely myself with— someone I love wholly.

76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today?

I— idk?

77. What did you want to be when you were a kid?

I wanted to be a nurse 🤦🏻‍♀️

78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking?

Im not sure

79. When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have?

Ooh... uh, something happened to me all through 7th, 8th, and 9th grade that I should’ve spoken up about but was too scared.

80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence.

I will work hard to love myself and pursue my dream job.

81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like?

No clue tbh

82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity?

I don’t want to live forever but I guess I’d find a way to take away my immortality or find someone else who is immortal to love

83. How would you spend a billion dollars?

Id put a lot into important causes and then save some with interest.

84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future?

I’m not sure, I think I wouldn’t go anywhere because I want to live in the moment. Except 2020, fuck 2020.

85. What motivates you to succeed?

Failure motivates me to succeed.

86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most?

I don’t remember most of my happy dream, I usually can only remember the nightmares 🤷🏻‍♀️

87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why?

Woods, its peaceful.

88. Do you believe in life after death?

I don’t really believe in anything 🤷🏻‍♀️

89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they?

I had a teacher named Ms Eagan and she inspired me to always be myself.

90. What’s your fondest childhood memory?

Meeting Lily

91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why?

Lily, because I really miss her.

92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy?

Anyone being nice to me makes me cry—

93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life?

Sometimes the people you call family don’t truly love you.

94. What do you think happens after we die?

Idk and idrc either tbh

95. What would you do if you would be invisible?

I’d probably scare some people

96. What’s something you can’t do no matter how hard you try?

Speak in public or ask for something at restaurants

97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring?

Eh

98. How did your first crush develop?

They were nice to me when no one else was

99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it?

Yes, I’m trying to ignore how upset some people can really make me.

100. Do you live or do you just exist?

I think I’m somewhere in between, where sometimes I’m just existing and sometimes I’m living.

#grace speaks #100 questions #@breadgenie892 #ill protect my munchkins 😌💗 #my munchkins 🥺💗

[cherrygorilla]

Time for me to be nosy as heck for the fanfic author thing! Hope you don't mind if I ask a lot like you did to me! Here you are: 4, 5, 6, 7, 14, 17, 20, 21, 22, 24, 25, 27, 29, 30, 31, 33, 34, 35, 37, 40 A bunch are the same ones you asked me, but I'm really curious as to what your answers would be. If there's anything you'd like to answer that I didn't ask you, then feel free to add it on if you feel up to it! 💖

Okay, I'm known to ramble at the best of times but I really ran away with myself here. You may want to grab a snack or something first; it's hella long. You've been warned! 

4. What made you start writing fanfiction? 

When I was like 11/12 I was obsessed with the musical Starlight Express and after trying to google just about everything I could about it I think I stumbled across some fanfiction for it. Well, instantly my little english-class-loving brain grabbed this concept and ran with it. I remember writing my own stories in this cheap little notebook I would hide in my bedside table drawer and it was around this time that TBM came out, so naturally I decided to see if that had any fanfiction too. Turns out it did, and significantly more than Starlight Express might I add, so my creativity ran away with itself and next thing I knew I was setting up my own account and getting properly involved this time. And I guess, as they say, the rest is history... 

5. Favourite pairing? 

This is pretty tricky for me. Most of the pairings that I have set up are littered with little flaws and things that make them more interesting to write about (and hopefully read about lol) and more realistic. And the already established pairings that I use (i.e. Mack & Brady in old stories or Lela & Tanner) just feel too bland for me to really connect with them, which is probably why I always struggle so much to write for them. I suppose Lela & Tanner can be cute, or at least their potential is; I don't feel like the movies did them justice lol. But for my stuff, at the moment I just feel so out of practice with writing and at such an early stage in the story with Wheels and Waves that I'm not really attached to any of the pairings yet. And besides, the only one I've really established so far is Butchy & Giggles, but if you've read my last chapter then you'll know that that's not exactly doing so hot atm. So, since I can pick holes and find flaws in everyone's relationships too much to pick a favourite, I think I'll pick one I'm excited about that has some of the biggest flaws imaginable: Coral & Hyde. And that's all I'm going to say. Unless you're curious, then ask away lmao. 

6. Least favourite pairing? 

Okay, I may be a bit controversial here- Actually, this is probably really controversial judging by some of the reviews on my old stories that I was just reading. But I don't really like Mack & Brady… Hear me out! Maybe it's just because I haven't watched the movies for ages and I haven't been thinking about them writing-wise since I abandoned my old stuff but they just seem really bland to me. Don't get me wrong, they're super sweet, but I like giving my characters a bit of grit to work with and make them a little more interesting beneath their 'perfect movie character in an idyllic world' surface and I just could never seem to do that with Mack & Brady. I could never manage to give them any depth and because of that I feel like I just grew to resent them haha. Other people can write for them much better than I can, let's just put it that way. Apart from them though, non-canon-wise in my stories it's got to be Butchy & Coral. Hands down. Honestly, what was I thinking? It was cringey. It was basic. And I think because of it Coral became super one-dimensional and kept losing her way as a character because my whole focus was trying to get them to work as a couple. Spoiler alert: they don't. And since I ditched them I think I was really able to get her to come into her own and develop a much more interesting, albeit worse, side of her.

7. Favourite type of au? 

This is probably going to be a quick one because I don't do a lot of au stuff but modern day/high school aus are always a lot of fun. I feel like TBM2 could have done so much cool stuff with that premise but then they went and dumbed down all the characters and really ruined their chance but I think the concept in general is so cute. I'm actually working on something in this vein for my sims blog, but that's not what we're talking about so let's move on. 

14. Do the people in your life know you write fic? How do they feel about it?

 Nope. I haven't ever mentioned it to my family because I just don't think that they'd 'get' it. I think I mentioned it to one of my best friends ages ago because she also read/casually wrote fanfics but I don't think that she still knows that I've kept it up; she probably just assumes that it was something we both just did when we were 13/14. So they don't really think anything of it; they don't know and probably never will lol. So I just struggle over chapters and ideas and things by myself. 

17. What's the harshest criticism you've ever gotten on a fic? 

To be honest, I don't think that I've ever really had any super harsh criticism. None that I can remember, anyway. I was reading through the reviews on one story recently and someone told me that I should work on my dialogue for Mack & Brady because it wasn't true enough to their characters and tbh they probably weren't wrong. That's barely criticism but it was the closest that I could find to it in my five minutes of looking and nothing else stood out in my memory so I guess that's what I'll go with. I know that probably sounds super cocky like "omg i'm amazing i never get any criticism from anyone because i'm amazingggg!!!1!!" but honestly all the reviews on my old stuff were just people being nice to me because I was friendly to them and I get next to no reviews on my current stuff, so there's no real opportunity for criticism if there's no interaction in the first place lmao. 

20. What's your biggest struggle when it comes to writing fic? 

Actually finding the time to write it when I have uni work, family life, stuff with friends and a somewhat healthy sleep schedule to balance as well. I just don't have enough hours in a day. Besides that, when it actually comes to writing I guess I find it hard to stick solely to ideas that progress the plot. I've been trying to work on that a lot more lately and be more ruthless with my planning but sometimes I just get inspired by something fun and in sheer creative desperation I just wedge it into the plot somewhere. And I think that for the reader's sake I need to stop doing this. 

21. Your biggest strength? 

I don't know if this is what anyone else would consider my biggest strength but I personally really like the way that I can develop the characters beyond what little personality we get to see in the movies. I love working on their story arcs and experimenting with how they 'exist' in my head, like finding out who the quiet souls are, who the loud mouths are and why they act like that. From the snippets we actually see of them in the movies and how basic they are, I'm pretty proud of the characters I've rounded them into in my stories; they feel a lot more real now, to me at least. 

22. Which do you do more: read fic or write fic? 

I know it's hard to believe, but probably write. I only really keep up with a handful of stories now and I always find I'm more actively thinking about kicking my butt into gear and writing something myself instead of setting out to read someone else's stuff. 

24. What's your process? 

Daydream and plan out future plot lines for most of the waking hours of the day. Find the fleeting shred of time available in said day to sit down and work on something if both inspiration and motivation are working in my favour. Actually sit down and open up a google doc, perhaps with a cup of tea if I'm feeling particularly adventurous and fancy treating myself for doing something productive. Painfully struggle through the first ten minutes of warming up my writing muscles and getting my creative juices flowing again. Settle into a good rhythm and just let my fingers and the words work their magic until something boring from the real world interrupts me and drags me away from my fictional one. Then repeat. 

25. Of all the fics you've written, which is your favourite? 

I know it's not necessarily a single fic but I really liked when I was writing the one-shots for Surf, Sun, Sand because I knew that I was writing the things people wanted to read, so I knew there was more of a chance that they'd enjoy them. And it was nice not being constrained to one timeline, I could jump around and play with different pairings, ideas and settings as much as I, well, the requests, wanted. I also really liked my Twelve Days of Cruisin' for a Bruisin' Christmas story, but I can't put that at the top spot because I'm so frustrated that I never got that final chapter up. It was really fun to write though and that's one of the few things that I've written that I'm still happy with to this day lmao. I just think it's sweet and I like how I wrote all the characters, so I'd say that's a win for me. 

27. What's your most popular fic? Do you think the popularity is warranted, or is there another fic that you think deserves it more? 

Statistics-wise it's Paper Flowers, by a long-shot. 77,485 views and 331 reviews. Now, I think that the fact that there are about a million chapters and I wrote it back when the fandom was thriving has quite a lot to do with that, if not all of it, because I'm almost certain that it can't be the writing, character quality or whatever crap I threw into the plot back then. But for nostalgia's sake, I'll allow it. And to be fair, it was probably alright at the time. I do think, however, that I've developed and improved my writing style over the years, so it would be nice if Wheels and Waves could get a little more popularity (since it's something I'm actually semi-proud of lol). But I just don't have the audience, so what can you do? 

29. Which of your fics was the hardest to write? 

Just Like Me. By a country mile. Like I mentioned earlier, I really struggle when it comes to writing for Mack & Brady and although I liked the concept (and a few other people did too) I just wasn't ever happy with what I ended up with. The chapters felt boring (which probably had something to do with the fact that I wrote them in my phone notes at 11:30pm), their relationship felt bland and the plot felt like it was going nowhere. I sort of had a vague structure of where I wanted to take it, but when I couldn't seem to get the hang of writing for them every chapter felt like such a challenge. 

30. Favourite fic writers? 

You, girl! I literally don't even bother to keep up with anyone else anymore because I just don't have the time (uni will do that to a bitch, lol) but I never miss a post of yours and will frequently go and re-read your stuff (especially if it's in preparation for a crossover lmao) if I need a pick-me-up. And like you said, we're practically family now and what kind of internet sister would I be if I didn't support my fam?! 

31. Do you write just for fun, or would you ever consider pursuing writing? 

I don't think I'd ever actually pursue it as a job. I'm in dentistry school atm so I'm pretty set on becoming a dentist, but even if that wasn't the case, I don't think I have the creativity to create my own unique story with original characters and a whole universe under my control. I just think it's fun to expand on other ideas and grow my own ideas from them. 

33. Fanfiction pet peeves? 

Bad grammar is really frustrating. But I also just think it's really boring when people will basically re-write the whole movie/story pretty much word-for-word with only the slightest of alterations. Like, I've already watched/read this once, why would I want to do it again? I came here for creativity and fun stories with my fave characters, not the flat-out plot all over again with a cookie-cutter, paper doll inserted into the mix to steal a few lines. It just bored me. 

34. First person, second person or third person? 

I'd probably put second person last because I just find reader-insert things weird and cringey. Like they legit make me feel uncomfortable sometimes. And then I'd go with first person because although I don't really have a problem with it, it's just never a style I'd choose to write in; I just can't really get the hang of it and I prefer to be able to see and show everyone's perspective on a situation from the outside, which is why good old third person has to be my favourite. 

35. OCs, reader inserts or canon pairings?

 Like I said, reader inserts creep me out a bit so definitely not those. Canon pairings are a pretty safe bet and can be cute most of the time (I just personally seem to struggle with them lol) and if they're done well (i.e. not basic bitches with no personality that just double as weird reader inserts *cough cough* Coral in Paper Flowers smh 12 year old me) then I think OCs can be really fun and can add another layer to fanfics that takes them beyond the bubble of what's canon. 

37. Which character is your favourite to write for? 

Saying Coral would be too easy because she's literally my own character, so of course I'm going to enjoy writing for her. So, other than that I'm going to have to say Seacat. I feel much more comfortable writing for the surfers than the bikers anyway, so that definitely plays into it. But I really like the version of him I've created. I really leaned into his sort of fiesty, stubborn side that occasionally showed itself in the movies, which created a super interesting dynamic with his inherent relaxed nature that all the surfers have. He's a really fun character to work with and I've got lots of fun things planned for him, so I think he's earned that top spot. But I'll mention Giggles too because it's been fun developing her character more deeply for Wheels and Waves. I just like a bit more drama, which Seacat can deliver more than my sweet bby G. 

40. Imagine yourself 10 years in the future, do you still think you'll be writing fic? 

Honestly, who knows? Back when I started I never thought I'd still be writing it at 18, so never say never, I guess. 

And since you said I could choose another one, I'll go for 38. From where do you draw inspiration? 

I wanted to include this one because I'm literally listening to my Wheels and Waves playlist as I write this to try to get me into that #writingmood. A few different things influence me but music has always been my biggest inspiration. I'm constantly adding new songs to my playlist and finding songs I want to use so badly that I'll rearrange and shift around plot points to work them into the story. For example, that Coral & Hyde relationship I mentioned earlier? Grown entirely from songs. But yeah, I'm always getting inspired by songs, which is why I'm really trying to get a general plan of Wheels and Waves set in stone so that I'll stop being tempted to switch things around and ruin the plot with convoluted ideas I get on a whim because I heard a fun song. On another note though, if you have any song suggestions then hit me up lmao; I'm always looking for more haha.

#if you made it to the end then you're a saint lmao

[razgriz438]

Whiffle, thimble, roses, precious

Precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life?

Two things come to mind:

1. Everything

“kills” you, and then you die.

There’s a statistically significant chance I die every day from

literally eating a peanut on accident, so I’ve come to terms with death and

dying, and it almost unsettles me that other people haven’t.

Everyone worries about having like too

much salt killing you ten years earlier and not eating it lets you live ten years longer or something but like... the

difference between eighty and ninety, hell, seventy and eighty, is bone and muscle decay and mental health

loss. Do you genuinely want ten or twenty years of that? Who know’s if you’ll even live that long for it to matter anyways? Hell, there was that MLB pitcher like ten years ago that threw his first or second game and was immediately killed by a drunk driver. What did this man worry about? Did it help him? Had you told him, “you have a week to live”, would those worries of his have mattered? You are mortal and your time is finite. Some stuff is just genuinely not worth the time and effort you put into worrying about it. Salt my damn fries. I’m going out happy. We have no idea how long we’ll live, so there’s no sense in worrying about small shit that adds up over fifty years, cuz

in those fifty years worth of time, there’s a lotta shit that’ll kill you faster than fifty years’ worth of small shit will. Related: https://i.redd.it/lbsy5h46bql21.jpg I also went to a seminar that was entitled How To Use Your

Dash because we were required to attend 2 conferences in my job training and

it was actually about the dash between your birthday and death day on

your tombstone? it sounds super morbid but the guy that hosted it wasn’t like happy positive about it like hooray were all gonna die one day lets get this bread he was just serious and it was a good reality check idk cuz it really put shit into perspective about how you

use your time, cuz it starts off with like you have twenty years to live

what do you do then it goes down to ten years to live what do then one year then six months then one

month then a week then a day then twelve hours then six then two then

one then thirty minutes then five minutes and it like. I dunno. Kinda

fucked me up a lotta bit. People chose to volunteer what they would be doing with that amount of time left after he gave you a few minutes to think about it, and they were minutes too not like ten seconds “okay I gave you five minutes he sat there and gave us proper MINUTES which was actually an appreciative amount of time to sit there and think about it in this way. Thanks D. Best breakout session of my career.

Complaining: Is it really worth complaining about having to walk a two mile distance in between classes over an hour and a half while having to get lunch in that time frame? Is that complaint really fair, when less than one percent of the world has a college education and only like 30% has food security? No. Boohoo, I have to walk two miles carrying a twenty pound backpack with my laptop and books in it. Something like 25% of the world has access to the internet at will, and I’m sure people less fortunate than I have walked further for water one way than I would walk round trip for a college education, and that water would be in a heavy unwieldy bucket with shitty handles weighing twice as much as my backpack. Will the time I take between those classes walking and using my healthy body kill me? No. Should I be happy that that’s the worst thing I have to complain about that early in my morning. Yes. Did that change my mind about having to walk a couple of miles? Damn right. I have BEEN through worse than walking two miles carrying a weight, and I will BE through worse than walking two miles carrying a weight. Again, it is sometimes just not worth the input effort to worry or complain about some shit.

Roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far?

This

ones tough. In a few months, it will definitely be graduating college.

After that, getting a job somewhere eventually. But as of right now... I dunno tbh. Getting into college was important. Maybe getting my current groups of friends. They’ve been really healthy for me, helped me grow into myself a bunch, both by showing me who I am and who I’m not. I had a lot of new experiences with these groups of people, and I wouldn’t trade that away for anything.

Thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they?

One

of the professors on campus that I have a good relationship with is the

first person that comes to mind. He’s come from a shit home to be

second to none in his field. He cares so damn much for his family and

isn’t afraid to tell other professors that they have their work-life

balance out of order. He’s also a great resource to have, and is

well-connected with other resources on campus, esp. our mental health

resources. I know a lot of students that have going to talk to him about

their problems and he continues to check in on them after getting them

started on the path the need to be on with all their proper resources.

He’s funny and sweet and drinks his Respecting Women Juice every damn

day. It is an honor to know this Man personally. Wish I could be him.

Whiffle;  if you could have a magical power, what would it be?

The magical power to have all of the magical powers This

is my like daydream state. When I check out, I find myself thinking

about this stuff a lot. One that always always comes back to me is

telekinesis. On the whole, it would be relatively useless, especially if

you were bound to small items only. But if your power was great enough

that you could lift cars and buses or things of that nature, then it

would be very powerful and fun. Best part of that is, if you can pick

things up, you can push things down too, meaning you could in theory get

a lot of other powers out of it too, like flight, if you can pull on

air as a stationary “object” and push down on the ground simultaneously, or some fun

trick of rotations and translations like that.

Honorable mentions: general animation of objects, teleportation, elemental spells/bending, transmutation, and telepathy.

Edit: Sorry this posted blank the first time, Tungle.hell got up to its stuff again. Tried to close the ask and reference the post but it just posted the ask >:l

#my stuff #ask post #long post #shut up no one cares #titanicus mechanicus #also sorry about whatever the hell happened to this formatting sheesh #typed it up on my computer but it looks like humid hammered shit on mobile

[serenagaywaterford]

What are the stories of the housewives of the beaches^^

LOL. I was like, “Did I tag something about this?” Cos I thought I was just talking about it in private but then I will assume I made a comment at some point in public lol. Eek. 

So, well, I don’t wanna give any personal details cos it’s not exactly a big community and the thing I’ve learnt when living there is that everyone somehow knows everyone else (and that is awful, let me tell you). Like, I live in Toronto. Why does living in this neighbourhood feel like living in a small town? (Thank god I no longer live in the beaches, tbh.)

Chances are nobody would find this that I’d mention but I’d rather not risk it for obvs reasons. But... anon, you obvs know something about the beach in order to be interested in it ;)

Basically, let me just say, that if you are a woman who wants to fuck a housewife, go to the beach. It helps to have a dog, but it’s not entirely necessary. It’s not like there are a lot of WLW there or anything. It’s a very heterosexual neighbourhood, packed to the tits with white, middle-class, het families. (There are a bunch of rich people too, but I feel like a lot of people are wannabe bougie. They’re not really as rich as they pretend to be.) But there are a lot of really lonely, bored housewives who likely aren’t as straight as they think they are.

Now, please, note: These are all second-hand stories cos I have never had this experience. I only get dudes approaching me. The beaches are like... pick up central for the whole area it seems, lmao.

It’s this easy:

Don’t go to Woodbine Beach. I’m not talking about Woodbine Beach. That’s where all the tourists, people from other neighbourhoods, and shit are. You’ll just get a lot of strangers and teenagers. You have to go farther east. Like Balmy Beach area. The best spots are at the far end nearer to RC Harris where all the dogs play off-leash. But the eastern section of the actual literal boardwalk works too. (The boardwalk itself doesn’t go all the way to RC Harris but the beach does.)

(Oh, wait. No. I did get picked up at Ashbridge’s by an older woman. Not a housewife. I forgot about that. That’s literally the only time a woman has. So, I guess it does happen at Woodbine/Ashbirdges. But it’s not the housewives there.)

Walk along boardwalk with dog. Be approached by friendly housewife about your dog, she may also have a dog. Strike up a conversation. Within 10 minutes, “Do you want to come to my house for a drink or something? It’s just up the road.” This is the middle of the afternoon. The kids are at school. The husband is at work. She has a few hours. “Or something” is definitely something. 

This happens... well, I wouldn’t say frequently, but more than expected. It helps to not be too femme. They know what they’re looking for. They’re likely not going to approach anybody too young or too feminine. (The women I know who have been picked up on the boardwalk have all been, not butch at all, but have that not-quite femme vibe. They’re still feminine, just... I wish I could explain this. If you’re a lesbian, you prolly get it.) If you’re wearing a lot of makeup and lululemon yoga pants, chances are, you won’t get approached. The housewives are the ones dressed like that heh. But then the women I know who have experienced this, just exude a sort of lesbian confidence. It’s a vibe. Nothing specific. Which deffo helps. 

That said, if you hang around certain bars in the beach, there are some really cute soft butches. There is at least one gay bar, btw. But honestly, if you wanna meet gay girls, don’t make a special trip the beaches. You’ll be disappointed. It sucks here overall.)

Sometimes they’ll talk about their feelings and just be really happy to have someone listen to them. And their complaints about their basic lives. They’re usually on the younger end and just really unsatisfied with the way their lives have turned out. I’d guess a few of them are at least bisexual (cos they’re really into it), but again, compulsory heterosexuality is a bitch. Especially when you get stuck with a husband, kids, and a mortgage. 

It always ends up with sex. Generally they’re takers, not givers. But not always. if you like giving, and don’t mind not having a super romantic or emotional connection, it’s fine. It’s basically one-night (afternoon) stands. Although, I’ll say one girl I know got into a few affairs with housewives there. They will call you if they wanna see you again. ;) They’re not shy, but they are very discreet. So you have to be cool with being someone’s piece on the side. And hey, their husbands are prolly cheating too haha.

There was woman who omg, she was the total stereotype of a white, 30-something straight privileged wife. (Hot too. I saw her once lol.) But omg, according to my friend, she was amazing in bed and my friend was like, “She’s so gay!” And apparently she hadn’t even been with a woman before. But ofc she can’t leave her husband and kids. She apparently wasn’t even able to say the word “lesbian”. It’s pretty sad when you really think about it. And she and my friend had a thing for a few weeks before my friend was like, “Yeah, this isn’t working for me.” Cos, I mean, she wanted a relationship. She’s not in the closet and this housewife thing was fine for a bit of fun but it’s not a lifestyle she wanted to stick with. I dunno. It’s sad. They’ll prolly never get to really enjoy their lives an be themselves. Or have a satisfactory marriage even. 

Most don’t seem really horribly discontent. Just... lonely and unfulfilled. It’s such a cliche, I know. And I thought it was just like the stuff of fiction, cliches, and bad porn... before I heard about all this stuff going on in the beaches lol.

[Also, as a note, if you go up in age to the 40-60 yr olds, you’ll find out there are actually a lot of swingers too lmao. I had no idea swinging still even existed. But leave it to bored, middle-class, middle aged straight people to keep the tradition alive.]

I think my point is just that what may look totally bland on the outside is usually a lot gayer than you’d think, haha. So when I see things like, “Oh, that never happens” about 30-50 year old women realising they’re actually not into their husbands/lives and they suddenly decide to be with women, it actually happens. And more frequently than I think a lot of people realise.

Now, granted, some of these women are really just straight and lonely/miserable af, and just want someone to talk to and have an orgasm for once. But there is a rainbow-coloured ~underbelly to even the most boring looking neighbourhoods.

#i'm sorry i can't give juicy stories #it seemed like a good idea when i made that comment #but when i think about it it's prolly not fair to the women involved to air their secrets here #nobody here is a bad person #i will talk to a few friends and see if they mind me telling their stories lmao #we'll see #Anonymous

[magnusthemes]

Here’s to 4 years of MagnusThemes :D

4 years and one day bc it’s now 29-Jan and my anniversary is 28-Jan lmao wyd @ me lol I was supposed to publish a theme too but well it didn’t happen and I accidentally released it too early hahahahaha literally wyd @ me

I have no idea how I managed to keep this blog going for 4 years tbh, it’s really insane to think about the fact that I was only 16 (secondary 4) when I made my first terrible theme? I don’t even remember clearly how or why I even started, most likely it was just on a crazy whim, but it’s crazy because all I remember is Googling my ass off and sitting in front of my computer for hours on end and hurting my butt (yes, it happened) to make just one shitty theme... At the time it really felt like I’d just blindly dived into the deep end of a 3-meter swimming pool without even knowing how to swim because I had zero coding experience. Zero. Zilch. Nothing. I’d played around with themes for a couple of months (Yukoki’s Alive theme was my fave and it was like the ultimate holy grail of theme making for me, and I obsessively checked my favourite theme makers’ blogs daily for new themes) but while a lot of other people come into theme making with PHP experience, Javascript experience, HTML/CSS experience from elsewhere, I had nothing. Literally down the deep end for me!

And ultimately I ended up making such a mess that I now run a full-fledged theme blog which has become not only my main creative outlet but also my stress relief hahahah I’ve deleted so many of my old codes but I’m really happy that I decided to continue with this whim of mine over the years haha!

I guess I was just kind of searching for some form of validation that I felt I really needed because irl, 2014 was a pretty crap year for me and that was coming off another somewhat-crap year of 2013. I was getting shit from a bunch of unpleasant people at school and it made me feel like utter trash to the point that I genuinely contemplated suicide at many points of time that year. So it really filled me with joy that the crap theme got like more than 0 notes because it was something I made, and the fact that someone liked it enough to want the post on their blog made me feel that, hey, maybe I wasn’t unwanted and worthless, maybe I do have something I could be decent at (other than always screwing things up and/or lying down aimlessly on my bed). And I guess I liked it so much that I kept going, kept sketching up layouts to code, kept sitting my ass down in front of the computer for hours on end, and I really poured nearly all my feelings of unworthiness into this blog that eventually, it became something that I really looked forward to at the end of every stressful school day. And as that happened, I started wanting to know more, to learn more, and apart from HTML and CSS, I even picked up jQuery (and even pure Javascript now too!). During stressful periods, I was always on here, making stuff, coding, learning more, to take my mind off schoolwork. Even in the middle of A-Levels, I was coding, and I ended up releasing something the day before my Economics paper LOL what a mess...

Running this blog has made me feel like I can really do things, really put my ideas into action, because it’s really a one-man show of design --> code --> publish. Throughout junior college it was kind of a fallback for me in a sense that whenever I felt inferior that I wasn’t being a leader in school, wasn’t doing enough extracurriculars, etc, at least I remembered that I still have a very unique hobby of coding themes, because none of my classmates/friends knew how to code, and it became something that I really took pride in, that could set me apart from everyone else.

Eventually, when I applied to university, I was accepted easily because of my grades, but during the three interviews I’d had, I spoke about my code with pride, because it’s not easy to teach yourself a skill that many people pay hundreds and even thousands of dollars to learn. I remember one of the professors interviewing me for one of my grants remarked, hey, I’m really impressed that you’ve managed to learn code and to do all this without any background and all on your own! I felt super good because, yeah, I did do all of that! (Fun fact, that guy’s now the prof supervising my research LOL) And during orientations and stuff, I knew nobody, nobody at all, and it was pretty cool that I could always use “my hobby is coding” and “I do web design in my free time” as my fun facts hahahah and it’s really helped me a lot with my issues of generally feeling worthless and dumb and stupid. Even in actual computing classes (last semester I took a C module and got an A instead of an A+ which I’m still salty about, and now I’m doing an Arduino module), my Javascript that I picked up while on here comes in really handy, because I understand code logic, loops, functions a lot easier than my peers and my life’s been really easy, which has really given me a boost.

I even genuinely considered pursuing an IT-related degree for university before deciding on my aerospace engineering major, but honestly, at age 16, when I’d first started this blog, I could never have imagined that I’d make it this far. It was just by chance that I started this blog, There’s been both ups and downs, I’ve met and kinda bonded with a lot of people I now consider my friends through the theme-making community, but I’ve also experienced all the unpleasantness of code theft, design theft, credit removal etc and though I’ve wanted to quit many times over, I’m really glad I didn’t. I get asked a lot, hey Bev, what would you do if you weren’t coding? And my reply is always “I don’t know”, because I really can’t imagine myself without code. Maybe I’d be baking cakes, pastries, cookies? Who knows? 

Many many things and people have helped me get to where I am today, but I definitely wouldn’t be here if not for theme making. I’d probably be rotting somewhere, wasting my days away, but because of that one minute of madness resulting in me logging out and clicking “Sign Up” with a new email address, I’m here. Without you guys, I wouldn’t have gotten this far, and I’d really like to thank all of you for sticking with me to this day and for being a great bunch of followers and users. I may go ballistic sometimes, I may disappear for long periods of time without notice, etc, but I’m really glad that you guys are still here.

I can’t promise that I’ll be here more often (because most likely I won’t, due to university), but thanks for 4 great years, and here’s to many more years of MagnusThemes!

#wow this was long #lmao i literally watched my entire series of math lecture vids for this week while typing this #so that's... really long #but really thank you sm for sticking with me all these years! #i'll try my best ahhhhh #personal #text #bev talks

[hopethedork]

Hey remember me? The one who asks you to do all of the asks in an ask me? Can you do thay for emoji asks?😂

How could I forget you?! 💛💛 And oh my gosh, there were so many so sorry it took awhile- but I did it!

🐰 what is one secret that you’ve never told anyone?

 I don’t think I have a secret I haven’t told anyone? I have webbed toes though so I guess that’s pretty weird lol 

💗 if you could hug anyone, who would it be?

My dog ;-; 

🐹 what are some of your favourite Pokémon and why?

Charmander and Aerodactyl! Charmander is a cutie and Aerodactyl is just super cool, I also really like Eevees.

👀 what was the most recent vivid dream that you had?

I think I was eating yogurt? with strawberries?? I have no explanation  

☀️ what do you like the most about your best friend?

We go months without seeing or talking to each other (long distance) but once we’re together nothing at all has changed~

💁 if someone was rude to you, would you be rude back?

nahhhh

🌟 what do you like about yourself? (must choose at least 3 things!)

I… am good with dogs? I like that I can set my mind to something and that I enjoy making things as well.

🐾 what are you scared of most? how will you overcome it?

regretting the choices I make= overthinking  E V E R Y T H I N G

🎁 what never fails to make you happy?

mint chip ice cream

💙 what annoys you about some people?

the inability to empathize with others

😤 do you get angry easily?

under the right circumstances

🐇 what do you always daydream about?

stories I want to write! 

🌻 if you could change 3 things about the world what would you change? 

I honestly wouldn’t know where to start ._. 

✈️ what is your dream city and why?

I really love Tokyo. My favorite thing about it is that there are still large trees and shrines everywhere despite the fact it’s one of the world’s major cities. NYC is a close runner up though- I think I mostly enjoy places where you can still see some of the history through the city itself.

☕️ talk about your ideal day

I’d like to eat breakfast and go on a walk with my doggo, then I’d work/run any errands, then spend time with people I care about ^,^

🌸 are you an introvert, ambivert or extrovert?

oh boy I’m definitely ambiverted

💧 when was the last time you cried?

like an hour ago rip .-. 

🎵 name 5 songs you love at the moment

1. “Even For You” from Infinity War, oh man…

2. “Beautiful World” from Evangelion 2.0

3. “Breaking of the Fellowship” from FOTR

4. “He Mele No Lilo” from Lilo and Stitch

5. “Alive” by Phil Lober

⚡️ if you had any superpower, what would it be and why?

I’d either want to be a shapeshifter because that’s amazing or be something like the Avatar and control air and fire C:

💛 if you could talk to your younger self, what would you say?

keep movin’ forward

💚 who are you jealous of and why?

I’m not sure that jealousy is the right word… but I had a lot of trouble recently with people who went to the same school that I did and could without having to work or take out any loans to do so. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it was really frustrating for me because I wasn’t able to focus on school alone as they could.

💎 which one would you rather have more of: intelligence, beauty, kindness, wealth or bravery? why?

Each I feel has a major flaw- but I’d choose intelligence because with it you can achieve the others.

🙊 what are you ashamed of?

I mean… a lot 🙃

🌺 which languages do you know? which do you want to learn?

I only know English which is SO frustrating to me ToT I’ve tried now to learn both Spanish and Japanese, but I have a loooooot of trouble and didn’t even pass my last language class ;^;

🍀 if you could be any fictional character’s best friend/lover, which fictional character would you be?

I’m actually shocked that I’ve never put any real thought into this before??? I’m torn between A BUNCH tbh but if I really had to pick I love Peter Quill in MCU.

💜 which acts of kindness are you going to do today? 

I SHALL SMILE AT STRANGERS IN A NON-CREEPY FASHION

🐬 if you could transform into any animal/magical creature, what would you be and why?

DRAGONNN

dragons are cool

🍄 talk about someone/something you really dislike

AHA no 

😣 talk about some things that have been making you depressed/angry/anxious lately

WHERE AM I GONNA LIVE

🍪 what did you want to be as a kid, and what do you want to be now?

I wanted to be a dog 😂 

I still wouldn’t mind being a dog

🍰 what are some of your favourite sugary foods?

ALL OF THEM

🍑 what are you obsessed with?

I don’t really think… anything?

💘 what happens to you when you’re stressed?

I usually go into this weird survival mode where I won’t stop until everything I need to do is done. On rarer occasions I’ll do nothing at all and stress myself out more 😂 

I wouldn’t recommend either

🙀 are you an adrenaline seeker?

I don’t usually seek it out, but I definitely have a blast once I’m in that kind of a situation!

💥 what are some unpopular opinions that you have?

I hate avocados

☔️ would you consider yourself a good person?

I try to be

😊 what do you like to do as hobbies?

Aside from cosplay I also love drawing, writing, and hiking/exploring. I also used to be superrr active and played volleyball and water polo and did rock bouldering until I got injured and couldn’t anymore.

🎤 what’s the last song you hummed or sang by yourself?

“The Calendar” by P!atd

🐝 what’s your worst trait? how are you planning to improve it?

I get very very anxious, and most of the time it’s for no reason 

🎨 what do you always doodle when you’re bored?

usually eyes!

🐻 what’s stopping you from chasing your dreams?

I think I’m just trying to figure out what they are still 😅

👑 who are your favourite celebrities and why? 

A majority of the Marvel/Avengers cast. I admire a lot of them for different charity work that they do and I think it’s amazing whenever they visit children’s hospitals costumed and in character. It really hits home aha. 

🍋 do you consider yourself an emotional person?

yes lol

📚 share 3 books that you love and your favourite quote from them.

Lord of the Rings (Tolkien)- “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” & “There is some good in this world, and it’s worth fighting for.”

Fahrenheit 451 (Ray Bradbury)- “Stuff your eyes with wonder. Live as if you’d drop dead in ten seconds. See the world, it’s more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories.”

My third book is “Petey” by Ben Mikaelson but I can’t remember any quotes because it’s been years since I’ve read it ToT 

😔 what do you always do when you feel sad? does it help?

I try to relax or reach out to friends to spend time with, it usually helps just depending on the situation~

😌 what thoughts keep you going when you’re sad?

It’s weird, but a special I watched on Animal Planet yearssss ago said that if sharks don’t keep swimming that they can’t breathe and will actually drown .-. So I tell myself to move forward and keep doing things because that’s the way to get through tough spots!

🌍 which country do you live in?

le U.S.

🐧 describe yourself in 3 words

 Tall, Weird, & Clumsy

🐵 which quotes changed you?

“It is what you do with failure that ultimately determines your future” 

💭 do you keep a diary?

not a diary in the traditional sense, but I try to write sometimes to keep track of my thoughts.

💫 who inspires you?

Stephen Hawking, Tolkien, Dwayne Johnson 

👻 do you believe in ghosts and why?

Weird experiences definitely lead you to believe in something of the sort!

🎀 what’s your fashion sense like?

shorts in winter and pants in summer AKA bad choices

🎬 what are some of your favourite films?

Big Fish, Fellowship of the Ring, The Winter Soldier

🍦 what is one treasured childhood memory?

My mom and sister took me to a really cool coffee shop for like my 11th birthday, it was one of those nice occasions where a bad day becomes good ^,^

🐼 if you could meet anyone, who would it be and why?

J.R.R. Tolkien for very, very obvious reasons~

#hopethedork #ask #anonymous

[itsyaboisayori]

Why I’m questioning Sayori

I said I’d make this post so here it is! Even got on my laptop to properly do the post :p I’m just kinda winging this but I’ll try to list out everything I can. If I forget stuff I’ll go back and edit it later so if you’re curious, keep watch! I’ll reblog any time I make edits, at least somewhat big ones. 

Also, replies are welcome! I’m open to constructive criticism and anyone wanting to offer new viewpoints. I accept that I’m still learning and nothing is for sure yet. Also tbh anyone telling me I sound like I’m kin is validating as heck so if you’re thinking it then I’d appreciate you saying it ahaha, but please don’t lie to me because you think you know what I want to hear. I want the truth. I don’t want to be a confused mess ;n; And I know all/most of these could be COMPLETELY unrelated to being Sayori fictionkin, but I feel like they’re worth mentioning anyways. It’s more like, a bunch of little coincidences rather than big solid evidence, I’m aware of that and that’s a big reason why I’m questioning and not for-sure Sayorikin.

One thing I realized just a couple of days ago is how, since I was a kid I’ve had this like, ideal thing I guess? how do I put this into words lmao my brain is dumb,, I guess a fantasy, that I’d fall in love with a childhood friend, like someone I’m close with from a young age but strictly friends for a long time. I’ve always been in love with the idea of falling in love with your best friend. And of course that’s what happens to Sayori, due to her programming in DDLC. And if I’m kin with Sayori from other game(s) rather than just DDLC then it definitely could be something unrelated, just a coincidence.

I’m like, really drawn to DDLC?? Maybe just because DDLC is a great game and I love all the creepypasta type stuff behind it all, all the theories and dark shit, and also I think just as a cute dating sim it’d be great anyways (but nowhere near as great). But idk, when I saw it I immediately felt kinda drawn to it but maybe that’s just in my head or for some other reason like the characters look nice or smth.

Also it REALLY gives me feels. It makes me feel things in general. I rarely get genuinely scared from fictional stuff anymore but this game fucked me up. I’m still scared to play it on my own because, even after watching multiple youtubers play it multiple times, it still fucking scares me.

The Sayori suicide scene and her poem- especially the poem- really get to me. I saw people making hanging puns in the previous video before her death so it was kind of spoiled for me but even still, it got to me. And the scene where Sayori is freaking out because you deleted Monika before playing the game REALLY gets to me,, like I just understand that overwhelming, helpless feeling. Especially finding out why she acted that way, it’s so fucking hard to watch that scene and normally I’m not affected by this kind of stuff. So either DDLC is extremely good at psychological horror or I have some sort of connection to the scenarios, whether that be just that I’ve been through similar things and am projecting (not really that I remember though? idfk brains are weird) or ya know,,, I once lived as someone in DDLC or whatever.

(TW self harm/suicide/choking) Probably has no real correlation but when I have panic attacks/flashbacks (unrelated to DDLC I mean) I feel like I’m choking or like I can’t breathe. And when really frustrated I tend to choke myself? Sayori died from asphyxiation instead of her neck being broken, by accident because she used a stepping stool instead of something higher like a chair and jumping off. Btw I’m okay, I never actually choke myself to the point to causing permanent damage or anything, and of course I’m not saying this is like, okay or anything. I know it’s bad but I’ve done it completely on impulse, and this was all before learning DDLC even existed. I’m working on getting better and I’m not going to kill myself or anything, just thought I’d mention this.

I relate to her personality,,, so fucking much. Not just the whole pretending to be happy to make your friends happy thing, but how she is as a person besides her depression. Tbh I feel like a lot of people relate to her because of her depression and how she deals with it, but like she’s so much more than that. She pretends to be dumb but it actually pretty smart. Maybe she’s not the best with words but I think she’s a lot more intelligent than some people think. She’s so cheerful, maybe even annoying, and is kind of the class clown, and is a total weirdo sometimes but it’s GREAT and just,, same lmao. Like “looks like my boobs are getting bigger again >:D” is something I’d say lolol I just love Sayori so much, like idc if I’m kin with her or not she’s still fucking amazing.

Another reason I relate to her but probably is like not at all proof I’m Sayori or anything, just thought I’d mention anyways, but I was kinda like, really in love with my guy friend in high school for years, he’s actually kinda like MC in some ways, like he was kinda popular with girls but not like Popular(tm), super nice and couldn’t directly say no, but he knew I was in love with him (or at least knew I had a crush on him but he probably had no idea I liked him THAT much but hey neither did I for a long time lmao) and didn’t like me back and even started intentionally avoiding me. Like, he would make up an excuse to not give me a hug, like he was late for class, but hugs only take like a fucking second what the hell?? It sucked but like when the player turns down Sayori I Relate.

I just,,,,, want to hug Natsuki like she’s fucking adorable and I want to protect her the most bc she’s like a precious child and she’s obviously abused by her dad. Tbh Yuri is a little creepy and for some reason I don’t like her that much but I mean I’d still hug her. I don’t hate Monika, like it was just her programming to do all that stuff she did so I don’t blame her and she’s p cool and I’d hug her too tbh. When Sayori interacts with Natsuki it makes me feel all warm n fuzzy. Like I don’t think in my canon Sayori and Natsuki were dating or anything, I think I/Sayori am/was just really protective? Idk, thought I’d throw that out there.

I also heavily relate to wanting to be a mediator and wanting to help everyone get along and be happy. I often (try to) play that role in this life. I’m extremely empathetic, so that’s prob why, but I can’t stand when people are fighting or can’t see each other’s point of view. Though it also frustrates the FUCK out of me when people refuse to or just absolutely cannot see any point of view but their own. Maybe that’s not really a Sayori thing but ye

When I look at Sayori I get the same “that’s me!” feeling as when I see my kintypes. Who knows though, maybe in a month or two it’ll fade, we’ll see I guess. But right now it is Very Strong. Like I’ve somewhat questioned being fictionkin with other characters before but I’ve never had the “that’s me” feeling this strong with anyone else. Ruby from RWBY is a close second but I still think she’s just a kithtype.

I feel like having a past life or whatever as someone who was experimented on kinda makes sense?? Maybe I just enjoy horror a little too much but I really think if I am Sayori I’m kin with her like actual her not just the DDLC version of her. The new game hasn’t even been announced yet but I’m so excited, mostly because I feel like I want to learn more about my possible past life I guess. I wanna see if things in the second game connect with me or if it’s just DDLC. But I feel like, if I’ve had any past lives as any humans, they were probably really dark or smth. I kinda have a dark mind I guess and that would just make sense to me lmao, like I’m 21 why haven’t I grown out of my edgy phase, why the fuck am I still really into creepypasta? Damn.

I’ve been kinda obsessed with DDLC lately. I have BPD so it could totally just be a BPD obsession thing and maybe this obsession will fade and someday I won’t care too much about DDLC, only time will tell. Also I’ve had the song Your Reality stuck in my head for a week straight but it may just be a catchy song and I tend to have a song that kinda automatically starts playing in my head occasionally, usually lately it’s been Sad Machine by Porter Robinson (good song btw highly recommend)

Most likely unrelated but Sayori’s hair has been described as “strawberry blonde” on one wiki and my hair is like, light brown but reddish, though it looks more like Monika’s hair, especially because I keep my hair long. I’ve been kinda wanting to cut it but I like having long hair tbh and I feel like a lot of ppl don’t want me to cut my hair haha, though I really wanna get a short wig and maybe wear that occasionally (esp bc I’m non binary and wanna pass as more boyish sometimes, I know society will never accept me as nb bleh but anyways). Though, it’s been said that the reason her hair is short is because it’s easier for her to deal with, but I’m not 100% sure if that’s canon. Though I guess it doesn’t matter much? cuz multiverse stuff n all but, still.

Speaking of her appearance, she seems to not care too much about how she looks, which I relate to haha, especially because of depression n stuff. I mean I have Crippling Social Anxiety(tm) so I do care to an extent but usually I’m like, if someone likes me they’ll like me for who I am not how I look anyways. I don’t feel the need to dress super proper to impress anyone in casual social situations, like making friends or even going on dates (though I’ve only been on a real date like a few times and they were with my gf who I’d already been dating online for a while). And yeah a big reason she’s so careless about her appearance is depression but I think if I wasn’t depressed and she wasn’t depressed we’d still both have that mentality like, we don’t need to impress anyone with our appearance so it’s better to just dress how you want, whatever way makes you feel comfortable and happy with yourself and your body, than focus on being proper and stuff.

Maybe I’m just projecting but man I feel like a lot of stuff I do and my ways of thinking and stuff are very Sayori(tm). I feel like I am so much like her, like she’s so me. Though of course, maybe my reason for being kin with her is purely psychological. Maybe I “became” her after seeing DDLC. Maybe I am her because I relate to her so much. But again, only time will tell. If I still feel like I identify as her (which, currently, I most definitely do) in a couple of months or so, then I guess I’ll start calling myself fictionkin. Idk.

#dc #tw suicide ment #self harm ment #ficitonkin #kin #ddlckin #ddlc kin #sayorikin #sayori kin #ddlc fictionkin #doki doki kin #doki doki literature club kin #hey uh I'm open to suggestions/comments/etc as long as you're not like here to tell me I'm stupid for thinking I'm fictionkin or some shit #thanks #questioning kin #questioning fictionkin #I appreciate help and advice guys