#take it from me: a professional edgelord

[rawliverandgoronspice]

Always a bit puzzled by people saying that anyone who wanted long-term consequences for TotK Zelda's sacrifice are "edgy".

I'm not even particularly in the camp that she should have remained a dragon forever (I think this should have been Ganondorf's fate, it would have been sooo much more impactful than to explode him and move on but anyway). To be honest, I wish the rules for turning back would have been 1) clear 2) active gameplay on the player so that it feels like it's something we have earned, and 3) not make her have amnesia about it and/or at least having her gain some crucial insight because of the experience.

(also: doesn't she crave knowledge? isn't that insanely mean to have her watch over every civilization and every bit of history ever and then take it away from her? kind of dislike how totk privileges the comfort of the player's feelings over what the characters would actually want or need tbh)

To be perfectly honest, I fully expected us needing to turn her back before engaging Ganondorf so we would fight him together, especially since Zelda as a compagnon exists in the game code already (though in a very subdued state). It feels very very strange to me that all of this mechanic of Sages following us existing and yet we never have the very climactic cool Zelda-staple moment of facing Ganondorf or Ganon together (OoT, WW, TP, ST and probably more that I'm forgetting all did this in some way --even BotW had Zelda more involved than in TotK). I'm not sure Mineru was a compagnon that was needed over Zelda honestly, especially given the kind of non-insight she gives us on the zonai (even if the idea of the mecha is cool, it really could have been Zelda using her zonai + sheikah knowledge to pilot one for us or something).

But anyway: yeah, even if this isn't what I would have wanted personally, I think wanting Zelda to remain a dragon is kind of arguably more respectful of her relationship to Link, in a way, that what the game ended up doing. When she enacted this sacrifice, Zelda decided to trust him to such a extent that she lost herself, reciprocated his trust in her and his devotion to her, and now the future of Hyrule exists beyond her and beyond what Hyrule once was, but she trusts them to follow through and be happy and she will watch over them from the stars moving on. It's fine if we manage to save her from that fate, but even if we don't, honestly this sounds like a beautiful story/tragic romance to me, if you want to read it that way. Tragedy doesn't necesserily involve edginess. Fictional pain isn't always mean, or out to get you.

#totk #totk critical #zelda #link #when will my brain return from the imprisoning war... #take it from me: a professional edgelord #but genuinely I was quite disappointed when I realized I wouldn't get to fight alongside Zelda at all #I thought for sure the first descent was a setup for the final descent when we would be reunited #and then confront Ganondorf together #I don't know to me that would have just made sense #she's the one with the most beef with that man Link is honestly just here so she doesn't have to call an über afterward #link doesn't have half as much reasons to want ganondorf dead as zelda does #which didn't help the feeling that I had as much emotional investment in the situation than the friend you call when you get in trouble #ganondorf isn't even directly responsible for zelda returning to the past NOR turning into a dragon! the guy has no idea what's going on! #anyway. this game's plot is very weird.

[mitigatedchaos]

Kontextmaschine is Dead

(~1,000 words, 5m)

Noted blogger @kontextmaschine is presumed dead, following the discovery that the sole resident at his most likely residence was found deceased during a wellness check initiated by concerned Redditors.

Prior to his last post on Aug 22, which indicated a serious health problem, he reported taking over twice the dose of creatine he had been taking at the beginning of his lengthy post-COVID health saga, in which he also reported becoming bisexual, having "zero" anxiety, gaining 3D vision after years of not having it, becoming incredibly convincing, and having to learn to walk and use his muscles properly again. At the time, he felt he was becoming trimmer and physically stronger, and reported engaging in a long project of yard work, although photos from the inside of his house generally looked somewhat messy.

A Tumblr user who met him briefly in person after the beginning of the health saga but before these most recent events reported that he was friendly, charismatic, hospitable, and clean, but "physically, a mess," with motor control issues on one side of his body.

Topics of discussion were similar to the content of kontextmaschine's blog, such as differences in east and west coast government in America, said to be "totally on brand," but it was said that the prolific poster seemed "less self-grandiose" in person.

Redditors theorize that the decline of kontextmaschine's health following his first self-report of COVID-19 infection may have been due to undiagnosed brain cancer, which could be more consistent with observed changes in behavior than the after-effects of a viral infection, given that most reports of "long covid" are about effects like fatigue, and not total loss of anxiety or alteration of sexual orientation.

Despite multiple suggestions, from both anonymous and pseudonymous users, kontextmaschine refused to seek professional medical care for his condition.

Regarding the mourning of public figures, in 2018, a period of increased Progressive sensitivity during the Trump Administration, kontextmaschine wrote,

through the years realized that through whatever blind groping the ‘90s-ass “edgelords” were desperately trying to save us from this, through proper gatekeeping and filtering at first I’d thought it was gratuitous and supported it being relaxed, maybe not shaming everyone who publicly mourned a suicide, mea culpa, mea culpa, I have debts to pay

In 2019, he added:

That was how we kept the internet culture from growing mawkish and cry-bullyish: basically, if you were so weak as to get weepy over corpsemeat you got cancelled, the shame would follow you forever and you’d never be allowed to forget it.

Given his writing, it is likely that kontextmaschine would not have supported excessive public mourning over his death, though in 2017, following the theft of his motorcycle, when the popular blogger @argumate jokingly criticized him by writing, "no references to pinball, no insight into historical Americana, this isn’t the kontext I signed up for," kontextmaschine wrote,

“when bad shit happens people mock me accurately” is the community I’ve been looking for my whole life so

Like argumate, perhaps the most famous of the rationalist-adjacent bloggers on Tumblr, screenshots of kontextmaschine's Tumblr posts would end up on outside websites.

Kontextmaschine was generally considered an interesting, if controversial writer. One Tumblr user characterized him as a member of the "obnoxious Tumblr right," though another user asked, "wait, how is kontextmaschine is right wing?" After another user claimed that the nuclear bombing of Oregon would be a net improvement in the world due to kontextmaschine's residence in Portland, tumblr user @random-thought-depository wrote a 2,400 word theory post arguing that kontextmaschine's philosophy was a means to coordinate to join a future political coalition favoring the formation of a more brutal and oppressive hierarchy in pursuit of his own advantage.

Though kontextmaschine's ideology advocates that humanity should adopt "r-selection," meaning more offspring with less investment in each (or youth, sex, and death), this blog dissented against the coalition theory, arguing that motorcycles, kung fu, women, Hollywood, and not having to report to HR are all traditionally cool, and the causality of the kontextmaschine ideology could easily run the other way.

Though he had a period of identifying as female in his youth, appropriately LGBTQ for a Tumblr user, his 2011 statement of principles, including "the lesser yields to the greater" and "suffering is the mark of a wrong person," and general body of work, could be described as a strain of right-wing thought, though not of the traditionalist Christian or rational technocratic varieties.

Prior to the post-covid health saga, kontextmaschine's health posting was primarily about his bipolar disorder, with both manic and depressive phases.

Kontextmaschine maintained generally friendly relations with other bloggers in his sphere of discourse, sometimes debating but rarely aggressive, except in response to anonymous hatemail. In response to one particular piece of hatemail, kontextmaschine stated that as a writer, of course his primary form of influence would be his posts.

In a post chain reblogged by dozens of Tumblr users, multiple Tumblr users wrote that they enjoyed his writing and are disappointed by his death, describing him as a unique thinker that will not be easily replaced. Several felt that there was not much they could have done, as after returning from his covid infection, he was not taking medical advice.

One Tumblr user wrote, "rip. Inspirational manic poster," while long-time and prolific poster argumate described him as, "one of the bloggers of all time."

Internet users speculate that Kontextmaschine is survived by his outdoor cat, Badger, about whom he posted frequently. He may also be survived by other members of his family, with whom he apparently did not live, and rarely spoke about.

It is recommended that enthusiasts of kontextmaschine's blog make backups of his writing for archival purposes.

#tumblr tumblr tumblr #mitigated news #kontextmaschine #longpost #flagpost #obituary

[narwhalandchill]

how are we feeling about this project amber update

assuming this is in relation to childe bc who the fuck else JWDJWJKDJKW anon im so sorry if not. also so so sorry for how out of hand this got. i am simply unwell about him.

But! Well. there certainly are thoughts

(obviously 4.6 datamine of arle SQ and her voicelines; This Will Not Spoil Anything Abt The Main SQ Plot, i only discuss the relevant parts. also some p Heavy negativity towards fanon ooc at the start youve been warned dont @ me)

(i mean i didnt even read anything of the SQ but The scene w childe so idek the main plot of the quest rly either lmao. tho go at ur own risk if u wanna check the dialogue out; its the 2nd quest log but it does hint at the greater story)

TLDR: how i feel abt his appearance in a vaccuum? quite solid despite the briefness, actually. accounting for the way fanon is 100% likely going to be reading into this and turning it into the Lets Infantilize Ajax Even More 2024 championship? conflicted.

in other words; a certified labyrinth warriors moment - theyve expanded on childes character in a very interesting and quite a compelling way and while i Do like the potential in what im seeing from hoyos end theyve also done it so that its going to be misinterpreted to hell and back by fanon so i kinda have an immediate jaded love-hate moment going on JJWJDKJDKJWJDWKJ

its literally just labyrinth warriors flashbacks - that event has some of my ALL TIME favorite insights into who ajax is and how he views the world and himself but when the event came out all everyone cared abt was to warp it into baby boy stuck in scawwy paper boy dungeon dehumanizes himself by calling himself a weapon and doesnt love himself he is such a sad trauma meowkitten 🥺🥺so yeah

bc like lets look at this properly for a bit; okay he went back to fontaine to look for skirk still somewhat injured and waa waa my 286 month infant baby cannot Make decisions like that!!!!!11! which is to say. i am tired of him getting this shit every time.

is it smart of him to get on the move immediately with just the bare minimum of rest? no. do i like that hes straining himself before proper recovery? not particularly no. do i feel the particular need to psychoanalyze this grown man and feared warrior whos 100% survived Way Worse in Way More Extreme Situations for it? hell fucking no.

while not at all the course of action a medical professional would approve of. from childes POV its perfectly logical hes priorizing going back for skirk when its literally the FIRST TIME shes showed up in like. a Decade. when hes been looking for her all this time are you kidding me 😭😭😭 but fanon must keep fanoning for their widdle baby girl so what does a hater like me know

anyway. seething and venting over im gonna try to avoid bringing up how much i hate this kinda infantilization of ajax now im sorry for bringing it up so much on ur innocent ask anon KJWDJKWKJDJDKWJKD. neutral discussion moment. i Promise

so it seems that theyre going for the pulcinella-is-shady-about-ajax (and prolly his family) angle for good and like. personally for me as long as the only real source of that claim was scara (a cynical edgelord who doesnt believe in non-exploitative human relationships, mind you) i was rather skeptical towards just instantly drawing that conclusion, but well. with the scene in arles AQ it appears to be sth theyre building towards

i actually really fucking loved that scene bc while theres outsider perspectives (scara obvi; and even arles line for him has that vibe. and ppl still take that shit face value 💀💀) and a lot of fandom assuming childes like. completely clueless and naive and ignorant towards the potential risks involved with trusting pulcinella. this is actually a very clever demonstration of quite the opposite? and showcasing how despite his aversion towards schemes and lies hes still intelligent and knows the kind of people hes dealing with when it comes to his fellow harbingers

like. childe has a negative opinion of arle based on what pulcinella has told him about her because at face value many of her deeds are in heavy conflict with his values of loyalty and family. and because he does not have the further context behind her actions and what the HotH under her is really like. Obviously hed hold a very hostile and wary view towards arlecchino

(ESPECIALLY when with all this biased intel hes still going to run into kids from the house!!! and then hes going wtf? these are good kids. what the hell is that knave doing with them??? blink twice if you need help i will start a civil war for yall like thats how he is with kids!!!!)

so YES. pulcinella has given him if not false then at least misleading intel based on the political tension between himself and arlecchino and the wider HotH. and childes taken that at face value! sure! he is close with pulcinella of course he would!

BUT. THEN. he returns to fontaine and seeks arlecchinos help looking for skirk. and observes her behavior and modus operandi for himself as well as the kids. does he go "nah she must be just hiding the crazy evil shit i would never distrust pulcinella" and leave it at that when reality doesnt completely match his expectations?

NO. because when offered the opportunity through the traveler asking about the HotH childe immediately capitalizes on the opportunity to prod for answers and see if pulcinella is lying to him!!!!

and hes so fucking smart with the way he does it too???? i LOVE his intelligence. the entire thing is so simple yet elegant; it Completely relies on his reputation as the kinda gullible harbinger whod Never scheme or hide Anything to indirectly affirm or deny his suspicions. he doesnt Need to Pretend to care about the possibility of arle betraying the kids bc he genuinely does!! and when she pushes back against the accusation he doesnt Need to fake admitting to her that well, actually, its all just rumors so he could be completely wrong. and so on. like he navigates the entire thing so effortlessly. and whats the end result?

childe has Confirmation of pulcinellas possible ulterior motives in action AND that arlecchino is a much more reliable ally than he initially assumed. all the while appearing as just The Straightforward 11th. like obviously id need to hear it voiced first to be sure but in text it v much gives the impression hes almost kinda just. playing up the threats towards arle and being "dumb" on Purpose?? to get the answers he wanted out of arle without appearing like hes fishing for anything particular. and i just hhhhhhhhhhh

i love when he does this so muchhhh!!!!!! 😭😭 he doesnt need to become some machiavellian schemer to be able to strategize !!!!!! he avoids scheming bc he Dislikes it not bc hes incapable of it like this has Always been the case Since Liyue AQ and i love whenever they show that side of himm . my Beloved

so anyway. while i do still think the like "pulcinella is bad and has his family hostage" is still kind of a generic plotline and i hope the writing regarding the whole thing wont ultimately turn out to be sth That simplified and black and white. its p clear theyre doing Something with pulcinellas motivations and as they are. im Really glad theyre letting it show that childes not just some completely passive party being manipulated in this all. he Is thinking abt this stuff and his position among the harbingers. ig we shall see where it goes - not the greatest fan of the concept still, but canon text supports it becoming a thing way more than when it was just scaras word we had for it. hope theyll surprise me positively w how they go about it!

then briefly for the rest uhh

also loved arle and childe just shittalking the rest of the harbingers it was amazing. i wasnt expecting this kinda dynamic between them at all but its great lmao. also i wanna see childe hang out w the HotH kids

as for project stuzha; so we dont really get anything solid on it other than being summoned back to snezhnaya for it is apparently a Big Deal. but still very interested. let my man have his endgame significance Trust

childes appearance was obviously v brief ultimately but that was clear from his leaked linecount to begin with - i am pretty satisfied with what they seem to have done w him. like its not The Best but also i wasnt expecting his lore to get some massive expansion in another harbingers SQ . the worst i feared was that it was just going to be a flashback of arle returning his vision which did Not happen so massive W. i am super hyped to hear this scene voice acted proper and happy to see him again, i really hope he gets to appear at least once more in an interlude or dains quest or something before going on hiatus again but idk if thats too much to ask LKKWJDJWDJWD

also: i am never changing my namecard after this patch drops. oh my godddddddd its So Fucking Beautiful 😭😭😭😭

But. Yeah. lots of good stuff. unfortunately lots of it will get misinterpreted and fanon will get obnoxious about it. but i still love getting to see him again and i am speedrunning that namecard day fucking one mutuals and/or followers in EU please add me (UID 711090267) ill need coop buddies for the world bosses

thank youuuuuuu for the ask i hope this monstrosity of a monologue doesnt scare u off 💀💀💀

#im actually so sorry for dumping this on you anon i Really hope this was what you were referring to bc . if not then JJWDJKADJKDW #ill feel horrible 😭😭😭😭 but also. this is the brand i have no clue What Else would it be #i Guess it could be about arlecchino as a whole ? im sorry anon i didnt actually read the entire SQ log so idk yet how it all goes #but sure ask me abt my arle thoughts if ud like after this jumpscare once the patch has gone live jjkjkdjkwjkjkdw #also 286 months is 23 years 10 months. no i dont have an age hc for him set in stone or anything but eh . its in the ballpark #asks #aaaand unsurprisingly this goes into #childeposting #genshin

[iloveyouemanuelmarco]

Hey, my name is Emanuel or Marco and thank you for stopping by to visit my official Tumblr Blog or something like that. Lmfao currently I am a 16 year old[mostly-digital]artist and animator who is multifandom but mostly draws fictional gay thick or big-booty buff men in a 2000s anime/manga inspired artstyle which sometimes leans on the "kawaii" or moe side and other times is somewhat based off of edgy amature art stuff from the older side of the internet[Think of the super cringeworthy stuff you'd find on NewGrounds, YouTube or DeviantArt back somewhere around 2007]. When I draw different stuff related to my interests, it may get on the side of edgelord content such as gore/blood/guts/violence/weapons[Fictional NSFL btw], creepy/horror related content, suggestive or NSFW[Not really]self-indulgent stuff, maybe venting if I feel ready to be open like that sometimes I guess it depends and OTPs along with OCxCanon content and crackshipping. If you're uncomfortable with any of that then please for your own saftey leave my page and take care of yourself thank you♡. I don't know what other stuff to put here other than I've recently started working on my idea for a Five Night's At Freddy's self-insert alternate universe fanmade-webcomic and a Saga Of The Dead/Road Of The Dead fanmade comic game continuation due to it being an on and off hyperfixation and special interest of mine roflmao.

To get more into about who I am as a person without accidentally violating my own privacy and saftey, I am a somewhat gender-nonconforming or genderfluid/bigender??(Idfk, man)bisexual aceflux FtM/transgender man who uses both he/she pronouns but please don't use they on me thx. While I am apart of the LGBTQIA+ communtiy on the interwebs I am also a professionally dxed autistic and ADHDer who may get distracted irl and go afk somewhat so if I suddenly disappear for a couple days or something on other social media platforms I hopefully haven't been murdered/j(Please use tone tags with me if asked since I do have a hard time reading social norms irl okay thank you). I want to try a polyamrous or queerplatonic relationship with other people in the future but not now obviously since I still need to work on being better when it comes to the mental health department lol xD(I am stone faced as I am typing lol). I am a white-latine person who is making an attempt to learn more about his culture and to understand more of the language but sometimes I may struggle due to cognitive difficulties so please keep that in mind and be patient with me...My DMs are open 24/7 in looking for new mutuals on here but I may be somewhat vulgar or off putting under my overly-cautious mom-friend nature once you get to know me. That being said don't be afraid to tell me if I am making you uncomfortable in any sort of way due to that or if I'm accidentally supporting someone or something problematic in nature ok? Good.

To keep in mind of what I am gonna post on here, it's probably very stereotypically fanboyish or some sort of dumbassery depending on the context but then again it's my page so Idfc :]. Main fandoms are mostly hyperfixations or special interests of some sort such as Undertale/Deltarue including AUs, Five Night's At Freddy's(Both the canon and sometimes the OG 2014 Rebornica nightguards au) and the Saga Of The Dead or specifically for me the Road Of The Dead 2010 Newgrounds flash games by EvilDogGames and SickDeathFiend(one of my more obscure??obsessions). Other things related to cartoons and videogames I really find comfort in are My Little Pony:Friendship Is Magic, Minecraft? Roblox, YouTubers, Vocaloid/Utaloid related content, Spider-Man: Across The Spiderverse, EddsWorld, Invader Zim, Pokémon, Postal, Hatred, Team Fortress 2 and admittedly some Friday Night Funkin'(I know it's dumb sorry about that). There's definitely more but I can't really list them all rn so yeah that's about it for this section...

When it comes to music, my taste is pretty diverse though I do have some obviously favourite genres but I am always looking to expand my horizons and more. Bands such as Green Day, Three Days Grace, SlipKnot, Korn, My Chemical Romance, System Of A Down, Linkin Park, Falling In Reverse(I am a Ronnie Radke hater though, so far he seems like another douchebag asshole), Asking Alexandria, Sleeping With Sirens, Sum-41, Pierce The Veil,, Black Veil Brides, Falling In Reverse, Set It Off, Get Scared and Bring Me The Horizon just to name a few. Though if you want my preferred genres when picking stuff I guess that would include stuff like Nightcore(not technically a genre but shut up please/lh), Rock, Pop-Punk, Trace, Emo, Techno, Happy Hardcore, Classical, maybe Lofi and I wanna get more into Rap or Hip Hop but specifically Drill. 80s and 90s stuff is cool too, it really just depends on what I find on the internet :D.

General hobbies include reading, writing which includes imaginative stories and poetry, drawing(duh), singing, dancing, helping to bake with others, cosplay or just dressing up in cute outfits at tbh, watching anime, reading manga, playing videogames, collecting figurines sometimes, roleplaying, cleaning/organization, studying earth and animal science related topics, watching cute animal videos on the interwebs, memes that suit my broken sense of humor, spending time with relatives and caring for irls who I hang out with, listening to music(who doesn't??), visual novels, robotics in fiction and irl, subcultures that were prevalent in the 2000s such as the type of fashion style you'd find on Myspace scene or emo kids, anything kawaii/cute or edgy and dark, taking naps, snuggling with my stuffed animals, learning instruments and just enjoying nature scenery on days when I am more avaliable irl. I also want to travel the world or something similar when I finally can and to learn how to code so I can program my own videogame ideas but baby steps T-T.

Do not follow or interact with me in a free-form and casual manner if you are a proshitter/profiction/comshipper, fujoshit/fudanshit or himejoshi/himedanshi, are a lolicon/shotacon of any sort, are a transmedicalist/radfem, anti-neopronouns/anti-xenogenders/anti-therian/anti-furry/anti-alterhuman/anti-fictionkin/anti-otherkin or anti objectum(I don't understand or identify with these things but as long as they're not hurting anyone I support and don't find any problems with it), are a radinclus/"radqueer"/"TransID"/support trans racial idiots or mspec "lesbians", support AI Generated "Art" and NFTs or CryptoCurrency, is bodily under 13, are pro-para, are in pro-£D or pro-$H spaces, are a MAP/P£do, Z0o or Necro(Please go to jail:3), support DreamWasTaken or the Dream Team, support endogenic "systems" or fakeclaim random people without proof because they're cringe(Genuine mental illness fakers dni you suck and I pray no one with actual tourettes, DID/OSDD or autism cross paths with you for their sake. Lmfao stfu and gtfo). Also it should be obvious but anyone who's LGBTQIA-phobic, racist, xenophobic, ableist, misogynistic, islamaphobic, antisemetic, ableist, fatphobic or supports hateful and degenerate shit or problematic creators get out now before I block you<3.

Random thing that's not as important but Jeremy/Scout, John Creaseman, Postal Dude, William Afton/Dave Miller/Springtrap, Micheal Afton, Henry Emily, Vincent Bishop and me are in a complex polyam relationship so haters dni uwu(Please help me I wanted to die writing that emoticon *barf*). But seriously I know it's weird but they all are sort of comfort characters to me in some way shape or form so it's ok if you don't like some of them but please don't complain if you dislike them. I'll respect your opinion and you'll respect mine like civilized "adults"☆.

#Intro Post #New Pinned Post #LGBTQIA+ Community #Neurodivergent Community #VTuber Community #Anime Community #Manga Community #Gamer Community #Queer Community #YouTube Community #Fandom Community #Artist Community #Animation Community #Punk Community #Alt Community #Selfship Community #Autistic Community #ADHD Community #Cosplay Community #Kawaii #Guro Kawaii #Pastel Gore #Gore Artist #Tumblr Latino #Tumblr En Español #Horror Community #Slasher Community #Emo Community #Scene Kid #DNI Criteria

[theroastedwretch]

Between the Lines- Ep. 5

Warnings- PG-13 due to Swearing and Explicit Language, Mature Themes, possible Violent References

Index Ep. 4

I knew for sure that I’d cracked once the angry hecklers started rolling in and I just felt a sense of amusement. At this point, I wished that the case was as simple to solve as “the creepy strangers did it”. Maybe then I’d get my own life back. 

Fuck, I should have just let her win the vote. If they really wanted me to go, why should I fight it? She wasn’t my friend, it really wasn’t my problem. I should just send her what I had and tell her to have fun. She could deal with her sister’s secret sins and I’ll go back to watching cat videos in all of my abundant spare time.

Frankly, Duskwood had brought me nothing but problems so far. 

I snarked back at some of the strangers’ messages and when Dan accused Jake of running, I bit my tongue to prevent saying that the Hacker had started running before any of this started. I knew the accusations had the potential to become a real issue for me eventually, but why fight it? Jake was the only one who could do anything, and he’d decided to have nothing to do with me. 

It’d take a while to become an issue for me anyway. Lilly didn’t know anything about me outside of my name and number and I wasn’t sure how long it would take for a video from a girl in Germany to make its way to the Mid-Western US but I suspected it’d be a bit, if at all. If she hadn’t linked the video in the chat, there was a chance I wouldn’t have seen it before I started getting attacked.

I was pretty surprised she knew Jake’s name though. Maybe he really had been Hannah’s lover, if her sister knew about him. Guess that would explain why he’d think it’s wrong— flirting with a random chick while investigating the disappearance of your secret girlfriend was impressively gross.

I distantly appreciated Richy’s attempts to cheer me up and Jessy asking for time off for a surprise. I played along despite myself, letting him think it was helping while thinking about how I’d have to get Jake to turn off spy mode at some point, I wouldn’t need it anymore. I didn’t really want to read about their lives once I was no longer involved.

When he did log on, I was distracted from asking him to do that by my surprise that he didn’t already know. Guess avoiding me extended as far as reading my chats. He agreed to take care of it, and that was that. Professional, cool, just like he wanted. 

I felt my first real emotion since I’d cried my heart out to Annie, and it was rage. It swept over me with a force I didn’t know was possible. After everything, everything that I had given and done, for him… he told Lilly something about himself. Something he refused to share with the rest of the class.

I knew, what? That his hair was black, and he liked his islands to have internet. I’d thought knowing his name was special but apparently fucking not. And now, she’d thrown us under the bus to protect her friends and because of that, she got to know something I didn’t. 

I couldn’t help myself, demanding he tell me. After all the time I’d spent making myself do little more than gently prod, teasingly, and accepting it when he’d deflect. I could barely see straight as I made it clear I was done waiting.

And though I didn’t tell him this, when he admitted he was wanted, part of me wasn’t at all surprised, considering it felt like the most obvious thing in the world. Nothing else fit his behavior, really, unless he really was a 17 year old Edgelord with a V for Vendetta fetish. 

Despite the fact that I, on some level, already knew what he was telling me, the confession tamped down on some of my rage. Unfortunately, that only made room for the fear that his disappearance would cause. I didn’t know if it was fear for him, for me, for Hannah. But dread had settled in my chest, and I suspected it would stay for a while

___

Asking Dan about Jennifer was either a really good, or really bad idea. Only time would tell which. But I had my reasons. He’d proven to me with his drunken ramblings that he at least cared— giving me the info on the bracelet, admitting to helping Thomas get into Hannah’s apartment. He was bored enough at the hospital that despite his protests, I knew he’d make time to talk. Finally, he was the least likely to pull his punches. Jessy might be less likely to lie to me, but more likely to be careful about how she said things. Dan probably wouldn’t think before he talked.

He didn’t know much, but since he mentioned it as being a long time ago, similar to Hannah, I figured that for anyone who didn’t have the same level of trauma she seemed to have surrounding the event it was the first time they’d thought about it in ages.

I didn’t know if I believed that the killer wasn’t from Duskwood. It seemed to me a bit more likely that the decision was made out of discomfort, the same way that the news of the body had been tucked away in the paper.

Hannah would be too young to have likely been capable of murder, especially of an adult. It seemed more likely to me that her guilt stemmed from hiding something— maybe she’d witnessed it, or even helped cover it up. 

Other than knowing for sure that Jennifer was dead, I didn’t get much to go on. Still, Dan seemed to enjoy the ego stroke of being the one I asked, so it wasn’t totally pointless. He was a big part of why I’d been allowed to stay, after all.

Richy trying to keep us from confronting Thomas about his toy trampling rage was either really sweet, or really suspicious. I couldn’t really decide which. Either way, Thomas definitely seemed to be losing it a bit. I was worried that confronting him might just make it worse, especially considering he’d already voted against me with Lilly. If he was even half as destructive as she was, it wasn’t worth the risk. Besides, I could definitely empathize with the desire to lose it right about now.

I couldn’t hold myself back from confiding in Richy and Jessy about the calls. I knew it was stupid, those should be something I keep close to my chest since I didn’t want to tip off the culprit that they were getting to me, but I just wanted some damn sympathy already. Jake had his reasons for not taking them seriously, and I knew that, but I needed someone to talk about Poor MC for a minute and let me whine. 

Jessy, as always, was a superstar about it, immediately supporting me. And the solidarity from Richy made me smile, even if Jessy didn’t appreciate our coping methods. 

Still, the fact that she immediately picked up on the fact that the caller was one of the group was surprising. She was by no means dumb, just a bit oblivious and I was surprised to see her doubt her friends unprompted. I’d wondered before if her willingness to believe the legend was at all related to the hope that no one she knew was guilty, so I hadn’t expected her to acknowledge any proof that implied otherwise.

Still, I didn’t know if letting that slip was a good idea, so I was mildly glad that Richy seemed to reject the idea. Not because I agreed, but because I’d been trying to keep the group from splintering and this would risk those efforts.

Dan’s attempts to deny responsibility for his accident got under my skin, but I clamped down on that and considered my response carefully. Of course I didn’t believe him, his story didn’t fit the M.O. in the slightest. There were no ties to the legend, no stalking or markings. So far, the kidnapper had been more direct, kidnapping Hannah, dumping the unknown body. They risked no ambiguity and took responsibility for their deeds-- at least behind the mask. 

Still. I’d barely just started to make leeway with Dan. Did it make sense to feed into us delusions, let him pretend he didn’t make a stupid choice that endangered others and he was lucky to survive? 

As a “friend”, and a person who generally cared? No, not at all. As an investigator, though. And with Jake gone and not reading along, I had to play both roles, so I bit back my more sarcastic retort and forced myself to smile at my phone.

“I believe you, Dan.”

And my BS came in handy, since not long after that he gave me Jennifer’s last name.

___

Annie had been managing the impressive feat of both avoiding me while somehow hovering. It was like being followed by a ghost— she said very little to me, maybe afraid of another emotional outburst, but always seemed to be keeping an eye on me. 

Frankly, it was making me want to pull my hair out. I nearly snapped at her to leave me alone several times, but whenever I caught sight of her face—very worried and tense— I’d sigh and let it go. 

So I was pleasantly surprised when she let me know she was going out one Wednesday afternoon just as I logged out of work. She explained it away as an appointment and errands, and I smiled in a way that probably didn’t reach my eyes as I waved her away with promises that I’d be fine.

Not twenty minutes later, it became clear why she’d been okay leaving me alone as a knock on the door pulled me from my podcast and mindless doodling. Opening the door without looking resulted in the air rushing out of me completely and a pair of sunglasses knocking me in the forehead before they fell off the top of my sister’s head.

“Em Em!” She cried excitedly, and my eyes widened in shock. 

“Paige? What are you doing here?” I automatically moved aside to let her in, noticing the suitcase and extra large purse. We lived a bit far apart for a day visit, but the sheer size of her luggage made me suspicious.

“Can’t a girl visit her big sister?” She teased, batting her eyes as she set down her bags and retrieved her fallen sunglasses. Plopping them on the top of her head to push back her hair in a way that showcased her effortless beauty, she ran an appraising eye up and down my body. “You look like shit.”

“Gee, love you too, P.”

She shook her head and waved her hand dismissively at me as she started into the living room to get comfortable on the couch. “You know what I’m saying.”

I raised an eyebrow at her, not yet moving from my place by the door. “Right, not like you’ve ever insulted my looks before.”

She had the grace to look chagrined even though I’d been harassing her about it for years. She’d been rather tactless as a teenager, and had once asked me whether “all sisters considered themselves the ‘pretty one’” or was it just her. It was still something I thought about when I felt insecure, but I’d forgiven her for it long ago.

“You’re lovely,” she assured me. I knew I wasn’t grotesque, but I was far more plump than conventionally attractive, without the defined waist she’d been blessed with, and rather plain features. My most remarkable trait was my pile of curly brown hair that I considered a nuisance, but Paige had always envied compared to her fine, sleek hair that refused to hold a curl no matter how hard she worked at it.

Rolling my eyes, I finally moved away from the door and busied myself making tea rather than coffee since it was late enough in the day to make the latter a bit risky for mere mortals like her. “You’re not distracting me, flattery only gets you so far. Let me guess, Annie called you?”

“She was worried,” she grumbled by way of admission. “She said you’ve been down and acting weird. I’ve barely heard from you in weeks, and Dad said the same.”

I waved my hands in annoyance, the teabags flapping in the air with the movement. “How would he know? He replies once a month. If that.”

She shrugged. “Right, but you usually try.”

Despite knowing she was right, I felt irritation flash across my features. “Well excuse me if I got tired of my own father ignoring me. He’s off doing who the fuck knows what, and you’re not the most reliable at responding either you know. Why should I reach out if it’s pointless?” I snapped hotly.

She came over and wrapped her arms around my waist from behind, pushing up on her toes slightly to rest her chin on my shoulder. “M. It’s not like that.”

“No?” I asked. “How often do you reach out first if it’s not to ask for help with something?”

“I’m sorry. I know I should try harder. It’s just…”

I knew what it was. In her teen years, I’d become a weird mom-sister hybrid. Even once I’d moved away, she still saw me as something of an authority figure despite our three year difference starting to mean less and less in terms of the disparity in our life experience. Between that and her busy schedule, I mostly heard from her when she crashed her car or needed to find a doctor for something, as well as the occasional drunk dial when she was trying to avoid calling her ex.

In the last year, she’d finally been able to move from working at a makeup counter and doing prom looks to getting more gigs around her real passion. She’d landed a few low-budget indie films, some photo shoots where she’d been given more creative control, and local plays with larger audiences. That meant her work hours were pretty chaotic, and since I normally had the sleep needs of your average 80-year-old, it made it hard to find time we were both available. I usually tried to text something every now and then for her to see when she woke up, and she would send me pictures of new looks she was experimenting with.

In her off time she wore little-to-no makeup herself, quoting an airy “if you’re good at something, never do it for free,” but I knew that really it was at least partially because she much preferred techniques that were dramatic rather than pretty. When we were young, she’d always whine until I let her do my makeup for any costume party, silly event or Halloween, and as we got older it went from face paint whiskers to dramatic interpretations of sea creatures and mystical spirits. They weren’t always very nice looking, one or two could even be considered grotesque, but they always impressed at the parties I went to. 

She’d also fooled my dad into letting her skip school several times using her “pale and drawn” look, which subsequently had become one of her most practiced by the time she graduated.

I, meanwhile, was still working on keeping liquid eyeliner marginally straight. 

I was proud of her, how could I not be? But I’d often been jealous of her passion, and how easily she’d found what she wanted to do with her life. Getting there was hard work, but figuring it out had been simple. I’d so far only discovered what I didn’t want to do, and a couple of things I didn’t totally hate.

The tea steeped as we stood there together, and once I snapped out of my reverie and decided it had brewed enough, I moved both mugs to the counter and pulled up a bar stool. She grabbed herself the milk and sugar and mixed her tea to her liking as I began to sip mine plain.

She let me muse into my tea as long as she could— she was the only person I knew who was worse at silence than I was. “I planned for a week visit if that’s okay with you. Annie already ok’d it, I asked when she called since I knew you guys used to fight about her having people over too much.”

I raised my eyebrows. I don’t think she’d spent a week with me total since I’d moved nearly ten years before. What had Annie told her?

“I also promised plenty of gifts to bribe her with. Some makeup samples, booze, some random autographs I planned to use as Christmas gifts when I felt like being cheap.” She grinned at me, knowing that my roommate was easily swayed by fashion and men.

I snorted and rolled my eyes, thinking back to the times she and Annie had gotten drunk together over the few visits she’d made out here.

Seizing on that tiny crack in my mood, she ran over to my side of the counter and took my hand with a mischievous glint in her eye. “Come on, I want to try a new look your coloring is perfect for.”

Leaving no room for argument, she dragged me out of the kitchen.

___

I should have figured there was some kind of ulterior motive, because as soon as I was seated and she’d set up all of the products she wanted me to use, she started in on me.

“So you gunna tell me what has Annie all worked up?”

I tried to look away but she grabbed my chin and pulled me back into the correct position as she started rubbing something onto my skin. 

“I’m just stressed Paige,” I said, knowing she’d never believe it if I tried to say nothing. “Work is rough lately and I don’t know, I just haven’t been in the best mood.”

“Right but she said you cried. Breakdown level cried. Are you still taking your meds? What about therapy?”

I had to mumble to talk without moving my jaw as she painted on something to “sharpen my lines”, whatever that means. “Meds, yes, therapy, no,” I answered briefly to keep my movements to a minimum.

She backed up for a second and eyed her progress at different angles. “Think you maybe should do therapy again?”

I shrugged, earning a small tap on my shoulder in reproach. “It’s situational. I cried once, Paige. I’m not having a crisis.”

“Aren’t you? Look, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want. I’m just… worried, okay? I remember how you got back then and I know how easy it would be to go back there.”

“I’m older now, and stronger. It’s nothing I can’t handle.” Even to my own ears it rang false.

She closed her eyes for a second and sighed— it looked like she was trying to steady herself. “MC. I’m not calling you weak. But I know you. You complain more when you’re healthy, it’s when things are bad that you hide. I know you think of me as a kid. Hell, I act like it sometimes. But I can take it, please.”

I searched her face. My heart broke at the sadness and hurt I saw in it. There was fear there, too. I hadn’t realized that my bad depressive episode had impacted her that badly. I’d thought she was too young to really grasp it at the time, but she was right, I had always seen her as a kid. And she hadn’t been for a while.

Looking up at my beautiful, impulsive, creative sister and finally seeing an adult, I carefully started speaking.

I glossed over some things, especially where Jake was concerned, just saying that the guy I’d been working closely with had been put in danger by the video and he had to stop investigating for a while. I downplayed some of the threats I’d gotten, too, not wanting to scare her too much. 

But I told her about Jessy and her ready acceptance of me. Of how the rest of the group regarded me with suspicion even though they’d brought me in, but she took almost no time to befriend me. I told her about the flirting with Jake, how it started mostly teasing but I got attached. How it seemed like he felt the same but said it wouldn’t work. I attributed it to the distance and the case, but the sting of rejection still rang clear in my voice.

I told her about Hannah, and the things I’d found (luckily she didn’t ask how I’d found them, tech wasn’t her thing either) and how I felt like I was learning things she never wanted anyone to know. How I felt like she was taking over my life but I was too invested to stop now. We went over Dan’s accident, Richy getting marked, Cleo being harassed. By the time I finished, my mouth was dry from talking so much, and she’d stopped working on my face to just stare at me with something akin to horror.

Her concern was palpable, and I couldn’t blame her. Saying everything out loud only made it more clear just how deep I’d gotten myself, and how little sense it made.

“They have… police… in Germany. Right?” She asked haltingly.

“Well, yes,” I acknowledged. “But there doesn’t seem to have been any progress for a while, and her friends are really worried. If I can help, why shouldn’t I?”

She knelt down in front of me, compassion filling her eyes. “MC, I mean this with all of the love in the world. But why should you? There are thousands of missing women in the world right now. Millions, maybe. You can’t save them all. You probably can’t save any of them. It’s wearing you down, and you know it.”

“I’m too far in for that, P. I know how it looks. And I should have left when it started, but I didn’t. It’s too late now.”

She wanted to argue more— we spent our teen years doing little else beyond fighting so I’d probably seen that look on her face more than any other at this point— but something in my tone, or maybe the set of my jaw, made her shoulders sag in resignation. 

She picked her brush back up instead. “Alright, then. Let’s get you finished here and we’ll chat about the guy instead.”

___

It took another hour to finish, though at least some of that was because she had to stop more than once to laugh at me (or him) for just how bad we were at it.

“What the hell happened to you, M? You’ve always been awkward, but this is just a whole new level.”

I shrugged, my eyes closed to keep them safe from the setting spray she was spritzing. “I think I got worse at it as we went, actually.”

She turned me a bit and started twisting my hair into something that almost looked like a braid. She didn’t work with hair professionally, she just hated my constant messy bun. “You know, that makes a lot of sense for you. Originally you didn’t give a fuck. That’s when you’re most charming. Remember Andrew?” 

I felt my face heat up under what seemed like the amount of makeup I normally wore in a year. “I THOUGHT WE WERE KIDDING!” I nearly shouted.

She chuckled at my embarrassment. “I know, and yet you ruined that poor boy. He still asks about you sometimes.”

I’d have buried my face in my hands if she hadn’t tightened her fist into a death grip around my hair when she felt me start to tip my head down. “Don’t you dare!” She scolded, tying off the ends and doing a final once-over to make sure she was pleased. She must have been, because she stood me up and turned me toward the mirror.

I gasped as I looked at myself. True to norm whenever she was able to do what she wanted, no one would ever be able to call the look pretty. But it was breathtaking. She’d somehow managed to make my normally round, chubby features look sharp, harsh. The only overt references to the ice motif she’d planned were two small snowflakes she’d drawn, one over my left eyebrow and one on my jaw, just below where the right side of my lips ended.

The majority of the makeup was various shades of white, including my lashes, but my lips were a metallic silver. I was shocked to see that my eye makeup transitioned between a dark blue into jade, rather than the lighter blue or silver I’d have expected. 

She saw me inspect the eyes and grinned. “I did some research on icebergs. In Antarctica they’ve found green ones. They think it has to do with the amount of iron in the area. It changes the way the ice absorbs different colors of light.”

“So I’m the nerd, but you just… research icebergs for fun?”

She laughed and nudged me with her hip. “Do you like it?”

I nodded. “It’s amazing. I don’t look anything like me, I have no clue how you do it. But didn’t you say my colors were “fall and earthy” or some shit? Why am I perfect for this?”

She smirked. “Mainly because you never leave the house or get sun, so I had to use less of the base on you.”

Smacking her arm lightly, I reached for my phone to take a few pictures. She took it out of my hand and started trying to pose me how she liked it best, adjusting the lighting to get the shadows to cast the way she liked.

Once she was finally pleased with the pictures she got, she sent some to herself for her portfolio and handed me back my phone, which I used to order takeout. We got along much better than we used to, but all it took was one of us becoming hangry to reduce us to squabbling teens again, and I suspected Annie wouldn’t be amused to return to a WWF match.

While we waited for the food, we sat on the couch and I turned on some music. We mainly scrolled on our phones, but it was nice to not be alone.

“It needs a lot of work,” she grumbled, looking at the pictures for the fourth time in the last ten minutes. “It really only works in print right now, since the shading on your jaw and cheekbones isn’t dynamic. If you move, it completely destroys the effect.”

I shrugged. “Most of your models will also have the jaws and cheekbones to make it more convincing. I’ve just got a baby-face. Though at my age I’m pretty sure it’s not baby fat anymore no matter what Mom said…”

“Sure, but the part I like is the transformation.” Her eyes sparkled as she flipped through her picture to show me more examples, many of which I’d seen on her professional account already. She had a modest, but rather faithful following, myself included. I’d long since stopped being her main model, but I did still pop up in some progress posts or the occasional Throwback Thursday. “It’s not just about the end result, it’s about how dramatic the difference is.”

I jumped up at the knock on the door, but couldn’t resist a retort over my shoulder. “You always were all about the drama.”

She snorted. “Am I the one in love with a literal stranger who I maybe know what country he’s in?”

The moment was temporarily broken by the alarmed look on the poor delivery driver’s face. It took me a moment to realize it wasn’t at Paige’s words, but my face. I’d forgotten that I hadn’t washed it off yet. “Sorry,” I mumbled as he quickly retreated with one last glance over his shoulder.

“Guess people don’t usually answer the door in costume when it’s months before Halloween,” she teased.

“You didn’t remind me on purpose!” I accused while I plopped the pizza box on the kitchen counter.

After that, we were mostly quiet for a while as we ate. She occasionally tutted at me when I’d get pizza on my face and come away with makeup on my napkin, but other than making fun of me for eating like a child, she didn’t say much else.

It wasn’t until I was rinsing the dishes that she spoke up. “His name is Jake, then?”

I whirled around and gaped at her. “What?”

She held up her phone, showing a still of Lilly’s video. It wasn’t on YouTube, but I didn’t recognize the site she was on. Someone must have downloaded the video before Jake convinced her to delete it. 

“You said she included your number, and the missing girl’s name was Hannah. Made for a pretty easy search, really.”

“Since when are you a detective?” I grumbled.

“I could ask the same of you, M.”

I guess I couldn’t argue there. But it was disturbing how quickly she found it. I’d thought having it taken down would be a bit more like it hadn’t happened.  Richy had said that the views were up to 4k or so, and as surprising as it was that it got that many that fast, that was still a small number. But things on the internet were sticky, and it only took one person to keep it alive.

“Right, well. Yes. His name is Jake.”

She arched an eyebrow. “And he’s clearly involved in some… stuff. He sounds a bit different here than you made him seem.”

“I mean, I sound pretty different through Lilly’s eyes, too. Look. I wont say he’s nice, or that he’s not weird, or even a little creepy. And yes, some of the things we’ve been doing aren’t the most… legal. But it’s not like it’s the first time that’s been true.”

“MC, this isn’t smoking some pot and running around after curfew. Have you read some of the comments on this?” 

I cringed. “I tried not to after the ones on the original video. But I imagine the ones about him are about as accurate as the ones about me. I apparently run an international prostitution organization, you know.” I tried to say that one casually, since that had been one of the more ridiculous accusations I had thrown at me.

“Right, but several of these are saying he’s wanted. And you told me yourself he’s disappeared because of the video. You said it put him in danger.”

I blanched. His wanted status being publicly discussed probably wasn’t good. And not just because my sister was staring at me like I’d grown an extra head. I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye as I decided that I may as well wash the dishes now.

“You knew,” she accused, coming over to the sink. “You knew he was on the run.”

“Only after the video,” I admitted in a tiny voice, not looking up from the sponge in my hands. 

“I thought you were done with this,” she exploded, and I stared at her in shock. “It made sense in high school, okay? Running around with the bad boys in combat boots and Mohawks. But do you remember the shit you got into sometimes? Now you’re involved with a fugitive and you can’t even pretend you don’t know better!”

“We’re not involved!” I yelled back. “I told you he rejected me. Well, this is why. He said it was too dangerous.”

She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “Well at least one of you might not be a total idiot, then.”

I bit the inside of my cheek as I scrubbed circles over the over washed plate. My eyes blurred with tears and I tried to blink them away.

“MC,” she started again, but was interrupted by me bursting into tears without warning. Forgetting her anger, she walked over to me and took me in her arms, muttering soothing words as she led me away from the sink.

___

She was playing with my hair, my head in her lap, when she finally spoke up. “I can pull some strings, if you want. It’d take some convincing, I’d owe a few favors. But I still talk amiably enough to some of my old clients. We could fight fire with fire, post a response video.”

I thought for a minute. It’d feel great to fight back. I hadn’t realized just how angry I was at Lilly until I saw her video again and heard about what people were saying. I hadn’t felt this type of impotent rage since our mom had been diagnosed.

“No,” I said finally, not fully keeping the hesitation out of my voice. “I think at this point that would just make me look more suspicious. Right now, her accusations look ridiculous to anyone with half a brain. She has no proof. She doesn’t even know where I am, exactly. But it would just draw more attention to the first video and probably make things worse for Jake.”

Her eyes narrowed when I brought him up. “He can figure his own shit out. I’m talking about for you.”

“I know, and I love you for it. But I care about him too. I feel bad enough that I told you all this about him, I can’t risk making his life harder.”

She scratched my scalp, then twisted a lock of my hair around her finger. “You didn’t tell me shit, to be fair. She did. Which is part of why I’m worried about it.”

“You don’t have to worry about me.”

Her laugh was humorless. “Yeah, sure, okay. Look, I won’t pull the trigger yet, but I’m going to reach out to a few people I think might be willing to help. I won’t tell them anything other than I might need a favor. If it gets worse, you need to tell me, and we’ll figure something out. If this gets too bad, you could lose your job. It doesn’t have to be true, just has to make them look bad.”

I didn’t respond, just closing my eyes and enjoying the affection. Despite my rather prickly personality, I had always enjoyed physical contact with the people I was closest to, and that was something I couldn’t get easily from behind a screen.

“I want to meet them,” Paige announced, startling me from my light doze.

“Who?”

“The group. Maybe not Lilly, I’d rather not join you under that bus if I can help it. But the others, at least. I want to have some idea who I can tell the police to talk to if you go missing next.”

I bit my lip. Much like fighting back, it was tempting. My sister was better at people than I was, and it would be nice to get help while Jake was gone. But Jake would also never approve of bringing someone new in. Not to mention, I couldn’t risk her getting the same calls I was or putting her in danger.

That was the part that made me refuse her offer.

“I can’t put you in danger too. Jake thinks it’s one of them and I’m not sure I agree, but it’s hard to totally deny with the timing of things.”

Her fingers stilled. “You’re knowingly talking to a kidnapper, too?”

“Well, not knowingly. I just said we don’t know for sure.”

“But probably!” Her voice had become shrill, I guess she’d finally reached her limit of my bullshit. “This is insane, MC, you’ve gone insane. I get you’re safer because you’re not there, but that’s not safe. It would be expensive for them to get here but not all that hard if they have a passport. And look.”

She typed my name and number in to Google and scrolled to the third result. And there it was. A “people search” website with my address, and a couple of past ones, too. My age, some old phone numbers. Worst of all, under the “related person” section, links to my loved ones: My parents, Paige, even an ex I’d lived with for a while.

“Oh,” I muttered, scrolling through in horror. 

I knew these sites existed. Hell, I’d used them years ago, to find contact people for the funeral. But the idea that a murderer with a vendetta could be using them didn’t really occur to me until now. 

“You can opt out of these things, right?” I started searching the page for anything related to removal, my hands shaking as I did so.

“MC, MC, calm down!” She took her phone from my hands. “You’re fine, it’s fine. We’ll work on that tonight, and you can ask your hacker boyfriend where else to look.”

I scrunched up my face and mumbled “not my boyfriend” as she locked her phone screen and set it aside.

“I can’t stop you from doing this,” she sighed. “And I know you won’t stop. But please, take care of yourself, okay? And don’t push me away.”

I nodded, and she put her arm around my shoulder, then exhaled dramatically. “Shit, is being the mature one always this stressful?”

I laughed, pushing her away from me. “You mean like the time you got high and were convinced Mrs. Ruth’s bushes were fluffy enough that you could jump off the roof into them and be fine?”

She groaned at the memory and then stuck her tongue out at me. “And yet you’ve managed to out-stupid me with this one. Never thought I’d see the day!”

___

True to her word, once I’d calmed down a bit, we sat on my bed with a bottle of wine and spent the entire night purging as much data as we could. I left my social media mostly alone, since I’d stopped over-sharing personal stuff on those ages ago and had deleted a lot of the old stuff. But anything with addresses, or detailed location information had to go.

My employer was a national company, but I disabled my professional profiles, too, figuring I could always reactivate those when I started looking for a job next.

Paige had decided to take the opportunity to scrub her name, too. She would always need to have a larger online presence than I would, since a lot of her gigs were based on word of mouth and networks, but I felt better knowing that she’d be less at risk now that she knew more about the danger.

She hadn’t brought up wanting to meet everyone again, and I still wasn’t totally sold on throwing her into the line fire. But at this point, I felt confident enough that the culprit was a man that I figured she could probably meet Jessy. Cleo, too, since we’d been getting more friendly.

So I made a new group chat. I’d had enough wine by this point that the idea of naming the chat amused me, but had also had enough that coming up with something clever was difficult. So that was how I ended up making a group chat titled “All The Single Ladies” and adding Jessy, Cleo, and Paige.

Jessy is online.

Jessy: ?

MC: Sooooo MC: My sister found Lilly’s video. MC: You can imagine how hoppy she was. MC: *happy MC: She wanted to meet you guys. MC: I decided to only show her the best of the group to start

Jessy: 🤭

Cleo is online.

Cleo: Hello, MC’s sister.

MC: Oh, she has a name. MC: It’s Paige.

Next to me, Paige snorted.

Paige: Hello, MC’s internet friends. Paige: I’m glad to meet at least some of you.

Jessy: Wait 😤 Jessy: Why are we the Single Ladies??

MC: I mean, aren’t we? 🤣

Paige: 🤦‍♀️

MC: I never said I was good at thinking of things.

Paige: I’m sure the wine isn’t helping that. You’ve had, what, 4 glasses?

MC: YOU POUR SO LITTLE IN.

Paige: That’s how you’re supposed to drink wine.

Cleo: Wait, are you two together?

MC: Yep! She came to visit!

Feeling silly, I took a picture of us and sent it to the chat. 

Jessy: Hi Paige! Jessy: I do have to go to work though, so I can’t talk much.

With a jolt, I looked over at my clock and realized it was 1am. Time had flown way faster than I’d thought.

MC: Shit, I have to start work in like 6 hours guys.

Jessy: Ooooh you’re gonna be cranky.

Paige: When isn’t she?

MC: Hey! I’m great. 

Paige:😒

MC: ANYWAY. Go do your days guys, I just wanted to do this before I forgot. ❤️

Cleo: Good night!

After downing my glass of wine, I took a quick shower, leaving my hair unwashed. Paige was the morning-shower sort, but I hated waking up earlier than I absolutely had to, even to get clean. 

While I was brushing my teeth, I couldn’t get away from the thought that my sister was right. If I was going to spend a chunk of time trying to clean up my information, it didn’t make sense not to ask for advice from the resources I had. I hadn’t wanted to worry him since he had problems of his own, but I could just ask, right?

MC: Hey so my sister knows about Lilly’s video. It’s fine. I mean okay not fine, she’s pissed, but she’ll deal. Anyway we spent the night trying to get rid of my address and stuff online. Those people search sites are bullshit. Anyway I thought you might know what else I could do, since I don’t know how much googling “how to hide from the murderer who is mad at you” would get me. No rush. Thanks!

I hit send and immediately regretted it. Not only was it the longest piece of word vomit I’d sent him by far, it made almost no sense. Hopefully his flaw would keep him from noticing whatever the mess of emotions was that had gone into that. Especially as I couldn’t even decipher them, myself.

I had time to lean over and spit before he replied.

Jake: I will take care of it.

MC: Oh no, I know you’re busy and stuff. You just know the internet a tiny bit better than I do so you might have advice.

Jake: MC. I’ll take care of it.

I had no idea why a silly grin spread across my face at that, but it stayed through the rest of my washing up. Even Paige’s suspicious glances as I crawled back into bed couldn’t get me to fully smother it.

___

I was surprisingly coherent the next day. Getting out of bed took longer than usual, but once I was up, I found myself less drained than I would have expected. Even having Paige there helped me focus on my work a bit better. At least, she could keep me updated on the Single Ladies chat enough that I wouldn’t feel the need to constantly check my phone.

I had the most productive morning I’d had in a long time, working to the soundtrack of my sister’s sarcasm and laughter. She told me stories of her life, ranted about something she found online, and occasionally pestered me just to remind me she was the little sister. Any time I wasn’t actively listening to a call, she filled the silence and it wasn’t nearly as annoying as I normally would have found it.

An hour or so before lunch, she made an excited noise in the back of her throat and turned to smile at me. “Those sites work fast!” She announced. “They already took down your profiles, I can’t find a single one!”

I bit back a smirk and acted surprised as she showed me the missing search results. Hers, too, were gone, and I felt a flood of gratitude at the effort he must have put in, even above what I’d asked.

When she looked away, I typed a quick “thank you”, knowing he’d understand.

___

The rest of the week dragged on a bit more. She mostly worked for herself at this point, so she made her own schedule, but she couldn’t totally vanish or risk missing future jobs. So the more convinced she became that I wasn’t on the verge of a breakdown, the more time she spent on her laptop or taking calls, and in the evening I often ended up covered in makeup again to keep her profiles active. 

Unlike Annie, she knew better than to try to force me to go out of the house, but she tried to keep me busy regardless. We cooked, despite neither of us enjoying or being any good at it. We watched movies and played games. The truth is, I hadn’t thought about just how much I’d missed her. We’d had a rocky relationship as kids— we were very different people in ways that had seemed so important when we were younger, and the stress of our chaotic adolescence and there never being enough money to afford enough space for us both had added a lot of tension to our interactions.

But she really had grown up, and even though I was still prickly and unpleasant and she was still a lot more outgoing and loud than I was, we’d learned to read each other better in the intervening years enough that we could have fun.

“Alright you guys, so tell me about this hacker,” she demanded loudly to Jessy and Cleo, whose faces appeared on my tablet, as she blended something on my forehead.

I jumped a little, she hadn’t actually mentioned him in days and I’d been hoping, foolishly, that she’d forgotten. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Cleo screw up her face while Jessy giggled at mine. 

“Why would we talk about him?” Cleo asked, bewildered. Right. I guess it had just been Jessy that I’d had that humiliating conversation with.

Paige laughed, pinning her hair back on top of her head to keep it from sliding in her face as she bent over me. “If my sister’s going to be pining after him, I want to get some opinions first.”

“What?!” Cleo shouted, her eyes almost comically wide at the idea.

“Thanks Paige,” I groaned, biting the inside of my cheek to fight the overwhelming urge to hide my face in my hands. Louder, I spoke to the whole group. “I’m not chasing after him. I expressed an interest, he said no, I accepted it. Now we’re just friends, if you can even call it that. We talk about Hannah.”

I could have continued rambling, but Paige chose that moment to take my chin in her hands and hold my face steady enough to work on.

“Accepted it my ass,” she teased, taking advantage of my inability to fight back.

Meanwhile, Cleo’s befuddlement continued. “Wait, he rejected you? The Hacker? The one who took over the group chat just to keep you in it? He said he didn't like you?”

I pulled my jaw from Paige’s grip for a second to reply to that. “You guys read way too much into that vote thing, he’s just put a lot of effort into the investigation and didn’t want to risk having to do it alone if none of you would talk to me anymore. And it wasn’t like he said ew cooties gross. He just made it clear it wasn’t happening.”

Jessy chimed in there, “I’m still pretty sure he’s 60 or something and that’s why. He sure talks like it.”

I rolled my eyes at her, but didn’t bother interrupting or annoying Paige to reply to that one.

“Has he ever even said how he knows Hannah? MC, he had to tell you, right?”

I made a loud noise that I hope sounded enough like “no” to be understood. Luckily, they seemed to get it.

Jessy gasped. “Wait what were the initials on the bracelet? J.H., right? That’s why you asked me? Didn’t Lilly say his name was Jake? MC, what’s his last name?”

Another noise, this time to the tune of “I don’t know”. Then I looked at Paige. “Are we almost done?” 

I guess understanding that particular unintelligible murmur was a necessary skill in her trade, because she nodded and started putting away most of the bottles and powders in front of her. “Almost.”

I sighed, and turned back to the video call to take advantage of my temporary freedom. “I don’t know his last name, but honestly, I’m not sure I think he’s much of the wooing-with-jewelry sort.”

Paige nudged me over to face her again. “Good thing you hate jewelry then, huh?” She blotted and spritzed my face with a bit more of a flourish than she’d used in our past sessions, then looked me over with a grin.

I started to stand up to look, but Paige shook her head. “Nu uh, pictures first!”

I eyed her suspiciously— that had never been the process before. Still, I obediently smiled the way she told me and glared at her as she looked over the pictures with a critical expression.

“One of you two should make sure this Hacker guy gets that, see if he regrets saying no!” She exclaimed with a mischievous glance in my direction.

“What??” I squeaked, grabbing my phone to see what she sent.

If I weren’t so annoyed about her underhanded tactics, I’d have been more impressed by what she’d managed to achieve with my face. We’d taken long enough that I’d expected to be a unicorn or something like that. Instead, it actually barely looked like I was wearing anything at all, at least if you didn’t know how I usually looked. My skin tone was unchanged, just smoothed out and brightened the tiniest bit. The lipstick was subtle, but plumping. The most dramatic part was my eyes, but even that mainly just made them pop and look more vibrant than normal.

I wasn’t beautiful, but it was a hell of a lot closer than I usually was.

Jessy’s excited squeal confirmed it for me. “MC, you look so good! But Paige, we don’t have his number or anything. He always just contacts us.”

“That’s right!” I said, relieved. “I’m probably the only one who can message him directly, and no way in hell am I sending him a random picture of myself in full makeup just to sit around my house. I will never be that desperate.” I hoped. But I kept that unsaid.

Cleo chimed in, amused. “You’re assuming he hasn’t already seen it. What was it he said? Be aware that all of your digital activities are monitored and recorded by me.”

Sure enough, he was online. Then again, if he were reading, or even worse, listening, this was the kind of thing he’d definitely have logged off to avoid already.

“He doesn’t bother with personal stuff. There’s no way he’s spending his time reading a chat called All the Single Ladies, okay? He doesn’t care that much about us gossiping.”

Paige stared at me for a long moment as if assessing more than my makeup, and then sighed loudly. “We really need to work on your daddy issues, you know that, right?”

“PAIGE!” I shouted and started hitting her with a folded towel, brandishing it like I would a pillow at a sleepover. She just cackled as she put her hands up to protect her face.

I never did tell her that I took a handful more pictures before washing my face. I couldn’t let her win like that.

___

Paige left the next morning, and Annie was still gone, having tried to make herself scarce during the visit to give us time. I took the day off work to let us hang out before she went, but ultimately found myself unnerved by how quiet the apartment seemed now that she was gone.

I turned on music and cranked it up as loud as I felt comfortable with considering the neighbors, and danced around as I cleaned up the evidence of our irresponsibility over the last week. It was amazing how much of a mess we could make.

When Cleo texted me directly, rather than the group chat, my heart sank. I’d asked her and Jessy both to try to keep Paige out of the scarier parts of the investigation, and while she’d been nosy enough to pull some information out of the group, they’d mostly obliged and kept All the Single Ladies light and teasing, mainly at my expense.

So if she didn’t include anyone else, I knew it wasn’t good. She told me about the ransom-style letter her mother had gotten, and my initial reaction was to roll my eyes. Sometimes it felt like I was dealing with a child imitating a criminal. 

Then she sent the pictures that were included.

Those pictures made my heart drop. Paige’s visit had done a lot to make me feel safe and normal, but now  the truth came screaming back to me. Neither was true. There was still a kidnapper, still a missing girl, still a dead body.

This was the second time he’d gone for Cleo.

Of course her mom couldn’t just ignore them. The culprit has played dirty here, and hit on the right button. No mother would be willing to risk their child like that. My own would have locked me in the basement if she’d found out about a single one of those calls, let alone received pictures. 

Cleo herself seemed more worried for her mother than herself, which I could understand. Wasn’t I more worried for Hannah’s friends, and even Paige, than myself? 

While telling the group about the canceled search, I was nearly knocked off my feet by the fact that it was Dan who came to the conclusion that Hannah was in the forest. I’d been underestimating him for a while, it seemed. It wasn’t a hard conclusion to make, necessarily, but I hadn’t even realized he was paying enough attention to see the forest thread. Maybe I’d need to start involving him in things a bit more often. 

I put a pin in that to examine later. While he was exonerated from the more recent happenings, he was probably the most physically capable of an abduction of the group. Or had been before he flipped his car, at least. Now he probably couldn’t pee without multiple people knowing, let alone hurt anyone. That made it a bit easier to trust him.

While texting with Jessy, a roller coaster complete with hearing her wish we’d met in another way, then accuse Jake, then get mad at me for keeping his secrets, I found myself retreating back into that numb detachment from before Paige’s visit. 

It was an addicting place, I knew from experience. The emotional equivalent of a blanket fort, where the monsters couldn’t get you. Oh, I’d been in therapy long enough to know it for what it was— my brain’s reaction to extreme stress, a protective cocoon to keep me safe from the inevitable breakdown I was flying towards. I’d been given tools to recognize and stop it years ago, after hearing enough times about the dangers of disconnecting like this for long.

As an adult, I’d stopped letting myself risk staying there for any real length of time. Maybe for an hour, enough to get through a difficult confrontation, or hold myself together until I could get somewhere that it was safe to cry. I knew this place was what had some people scrambling to stay high or drunk. Blessed nothing was a godsend to those who felt too much, and it took a will stronger than mine to let it go once it started.

And today I  couldn’t bring myself to walk away from it. I tucked the vulnerable parts of myself into bed— the parts that cared, and felt, and hoped— and gave it a small kiss on the forehead. A promise that the rest of me— logical, rational, and disinterested— would take over and keep away the demons.

I could remember where this had led in the past, but with a small, exhausted yawn, the side of me that cared fell asleep and the rest trudged forward.

Luckily, after Jessy had left me with that final plea to keep myself safe from Jake (done, I told myself. Just not how she meant), no one needed anything else from me for the day. As day bled into evening and I felt confident that everyone I knew on the other side of the world had gone to bed, I straightened up my room to clear the mess that my focus on the case— and just general irresponsibility— had left in its wake. 

After that was done, I sat at my desk and logged in to work. Office hours were long since over, but I wasn’t tired yet and if I put in some time today, I’d be able to reclaim some of the PTO I’d wasted recently on self-pity and sadness. 

I got a lot done compared to usual, without my phone or drifting thoughts I was moving through my tasks faster than I had in ages, almost completely clearing the backlog I’d accumulated over the last several weeks.

I forgot how much energy giving a fuck took, I thought dryly, snorting out loud despite being alone.

The notification lighting up my phone was almost masked by the flicker of my monitors as I powered everything down.

Joe: Hey Joe: been a while, how’s it been?

It had been a while, long enough that the unexpected text almost jolted me out of my safe place. I closed the imaginary door just in time and recovered quickly.

MC: It really has. Work has kept me busy, and my sister was in town this last week and just left today.

Joe: Annie said that this weekend. Are you free tomorrow? Joe: dinner, maybe?

I considered his offer silently, tapping the fingers of my right hand on my desk as I stared at my screen. Truthfully, I had reasons enough to both say yes and no. On one hand, he was nice enough. We hadn’t spent a whole lot of time talking overall, but enough that I had some kind of picture of him. At least I could picture him, I mused. We didn’t have much in common that I’d found so far, but we’d mainly discussed unimportant, surface things. 

On the other, life was currently complicated enough, and adding someone new would just make it worse. But it also might be nice to add someone whose motives I didn’t have to question beyond knowing he wanted to get his dick wet.

Before I could reply and say yes, he sensed my hesitation and continued.

Joe: Annie said you’ve been hung up on some guy. I’m not gunna try to get between that if there’s something. Or if you just don’t want to. Joe: just seemed like you were maybe into it at one point so I should ask 

I was really going to have to talk to Annie about what she was discussing with people behind my back. But still…

MC: No, um, I thought there was but he made it clear that there wasn’t. MC: I’m still dealing with it a little, though

Joe: totally get it we’ve all been there. Joe: not pressuring you or anything. Just think you’re cute and want to see you again. No expectations  Joe: take your time and let me know

He was right. We had all been there. Maybe the circumstances surrounding Jake and I had been somewhat unique, but “girl likes boy, boy can’t/doesn’t want/won’t do anything about it” happened all the time.

Sitting around, sad and pining, didn’t help anyone and just made it that much harder for us to focus on the investigation. The best thing I could do at this point was to do something to clear my mind and make it easier to move on.

MC: You know what? Dinner sounds nice. How’s 7?

___

The work I’d done the night before made my day surprisingly easy, especially for a Friday. By lunch, my queue was clean, I’d organized my inbox, and stared at my screen for a while. 

I’d spent so long glued to my phone that my hand strayed over toward it several times while I looked for things to do. I wasn’t avoiding it, exactly, but trying to take the opportunity to just be uninvolved with Duskwood for a bit. It had been quiet since the letter, other than Dan sending memes to everyone and the smaller chat with the Ladies, and I’d avoided engaging with either so far today.

Maybe part of me felt guilty about that, or didn’t know what to do without corpses and mystery hanging over my head, but either way I ended up turning off my music and swapping over to one of my true crime podcasts. I’d been staying away from them ever since my life became one, but I really had always enjoyed them. Getting back to them might make me feel more normal again.

I gave up on pretending to be productive for a while and wandered to my room, getting a head start on deciding what to wear. I had no idea where we were going other than “dinner”. Depending on how much Annie had told him about me already (other than apparently everything), it was possible he knew enough already to avoid taking me anywhere fancy. It wasn’t a “not like other girls” thing so much as generally not being at home in more formal environments and never wanting to go on a date somewhere that I couldn’t comfortably pay my way. The takeout and booze increase over the last week had made that wiggle room a bit smaller, though I would be able to put it on credit if I had to.

My first thought was to message Jessy the way she had done before her date-that-wasn’t, but while I knew Jake was far too busy to read my personal chats right now, I couldn’t be sure he wouldn’t go back through the ones from the Duskwood group to see if anything relevant had happened. 

So instead, I went with Paige, knowing she’d get a kick out of my cluelessness at least.

MC: PAAAAIGEEE HELPPP MC: I have a date MC: A real one with a man I can see

She replied surprisingly quickly, and I realized she was probably still a bit worried and relieved to hear from me.

Paige: That’s great!

MC: Except not, work from home means I have nothing to wear

Paige: Where are you guys going?

MC: Food.

Paige: What kind of food?

MC: …

Paige: Why are you so bad at this? Paige: Do you have a little black dress?

MC: Not that fits my ever-expanding ass, it’s from before shutdown.

Paige: I doubt it’d be the ass that’s the issue. Your boobs might be a bit more of a challenge if they decide to pop out.

MC: 🙄  MC: Not helpful

Paige: Fine, dark jeans?

MC: Yes!

Paige: Heels?

MC: Please.

Paige: Flats?

MC: Better.

Paige: What color?

I sent her a picture and she walked me through picking a shirt to match. The sun had started setting later and later and I tended to be warm so we picked a dark green top with loose sleeves and an empire waist that I’d gotten a few months ago for the rare days in the office. However, Paige tried to talk me out of wearing the silk cami I usually wore under it to make the rather low V neckline more work-friendly.

MC: I thought we were trying to avoid my boobs escaping? 

Paige: Sure, but your cleavage looks great in that kind of neckline with the right bra.

MC: Why are you checking out my cleavage? 

Paige: Easy, Lannister, I promise it was totally innocent. I helped you get ready for that wedding last year and they were in my face enough that I’d have to be blind.

MC: Not my fault you’re short.

She wasn’t that much shorter than me, but I’d been wearing borrowed heels at the time to pretend I wasn’t just over 5 feet, and she was a couple inches smaller than me to begin with.

Paige: Not my fault you’re stacked.

MC: it’s one of the few perks of being fat. MC: Can we stop talking about my tits? 

Paige: How are you so vulgar with everyone else and such a prude with me?

MC: You're my sister. And 12.

Paige: Only in your head 🙄

MC: Oh shit, makeup.

Paige: You’re fine, your skin was clear so just do some eyeliner and mascara, maybe some gloss. He might as well see what you’re normally like. No dark lipstick, you don’t know what you’ll order and you eat like a heathen.

MC: Last time he saw me I was super done up, I’d let Annie take control.

Paige: Wait is this not a first date?

Right. Guess I’d forgotten to mention my night out while she was here. Just have gotten lost in all of the kidnapping and fugitive talk. Weird how that worked.

MC: Last time we didn’t exactly plan to meet up, I went out with Annie and we went out after.

Paige: How dare you not tell me??? But that means he saw you without makeup in the morning right?

MC: Not exactly? 

Paige: WHY ARE YOU SO BAD AT THIS?

MC: Stop being so supportive, my ego might explode. 

Paige: ❤️ Paige: But this makes it easier I think. Sure he only saw you done up, but he’s also seen you naked. If he stuck around, he wants to at least do that again.

I wanted to argue with that, but I couldn’t think of anything to say. It wasn’t that I fully believed her, but I also couldn’t pretend he hadn’t gone out of his way to get my number, seemingly asked about me, and spent weeks being patient. That was a lot of effort just to now run because I suck at doing makeup.

MC: I guess.

Paige: If you look that bad, doggy style is a thing.

MC: Nope, not discussing this with you. I’ll send a picture before I go and you will not mention a single sex position, private body part or innuendo for the rest of the day.

Paige: Spoil sport. 😘

Since picking an outfit took much longer than expected, or was reasonable, I decided to hop in the shower early and do some extra conditioning. The humidity lately made it take even longer to tame my curls than usual, and I’d rather it not stand straight up with frizz.

I was surprised to find I wasn’t nervous. Maybe a bit flustered, but that may have been more from Paige than worries about Joe. I was still fragile from Jake’s rejection— that I was going on this date at all was evidence of that. I could only assume it was a symptom of the continuing detachment that I able to keep myself cool-headed.

I used as much product as I normally would in a month (admittedly, that was still less than Annie had the last time I went out) getting my curls to lay more or less the way I wanted. They still expanded and frizzed a bit as they dried, but I was at least okay with the end result. 

The makeup was a bit harder, but I tried to take my time with it. I was still a bit ahead of schedule since I’d logged off so early, so I even plucked my eyebrows a little. I was probably just burning time at this point, but it couldn’t hurt, right? 

It was six by the time I was fully dressed and had tracked down a purse that wasn’t cat-themed or large enough to double as a grocery bag, and when I checked my phone I was surprised to see that Joe had offered to pick me up at 6:30. On one hand, I hate feeling trapped if I have a bad time, but on the other I also hated driving and Uber existed. So I agreed and sat down to wait.

It was 6:25 when the message I’d been half hoping for, half dreading finally came.

Jake: Hello, MC.

___

Almost immediately, the sweet sense of detachment I’d maintained started wavering. I had to lock my phone and take a few gulps of air before my pounding heart began to slow.

I had plans, which would be here in just a minute. I didn’t have time to talk to him right now, and it wouldn’t be fair to Joe or Jake if I gave either of them half of my attention. I hadn’t opened the message yet, just saw the notification. It wouldn’t show as online until I opened the app, so I could swipe it away and reply later.

This was the logical way to do things. Jake had made his decision clear. I had to respect that, and it freed me up to date anyone I wanted. Joe knew I was interested in someone else. There was no moral ambiguity here, I wasn’t doing wrong by either of them. Ignoring Jake’s message was normal, he’d been too busy to reply to mine several times. It happened. 

Still, I made sure not to open the app when Joe messaged to tell me he was out front. Instead, I stood up, put my phone in my purse, and went out to meet him.

___

I was relieved when we pulled up to a pub that looked just on the nicer end of average. He, too, was dressed in what could be considered business casual, with well-fitted jeans and a button-down in a teal color that looked good on him. 

On our way to the table, I took my first sober look at him from the corner of my eye. He was probably closer to Annie’s age than mine, but not enough of a gap to make me feel uncomfortable and predatory. He was tall, though after a certain point I stopped being any good at guessing heights since it was just “taller than me”. At least, he’d definitely had to stoop more than I’d realized when we’d kissed on our way to his house last time we'd met.

Once we sat at our booth and were promised a visit from the server shortly, he flashed me a grin that almost didn’t reveal the nerves I’d noticed in the subtle tapping he’d done against the steering wheel as he drove us here. When I returned the smile, he relaxed a bit more.

We chatted lightly while we looked over the menu, pausing only to put in our orders. He told me about work, and I gave a highly edited version of Paige’s visit. He laughed as I showed him some of the pictures she’d taken, lingering a beat longer on the picture she’d taken to send to the chat with Cleo and Jessy. 

Neither of us ordered alcohol, since he was driving and I’d had more than enough alcohol for a while. We split our meals— I’d been torn between two and he said they both sounded good and ordered the one I didn’t— and while the table was quieter than it had been before we got our food, we kept a steady conversation going. Paige was right, I realized now that I looked at it more objectively. I was way better at flirting when I wasn’t invested.

The food was good, and we both cleared our plates and then lingered a bit longer. I ordered another iced tea to keep my hands busy, and he fiddled a bit with his napkin but rarely took his eyes from me.

The drive home was less tense than the one there, with a lot less nervous fidgeting on his part. Things got more flirty as we went, and I even giggled a couple of times, which shocked me.

We pulled up to my house, and I tried not to panic when he turned off the car. I hadn’t thought far ahead enough to decide if I was inviting him in or not. It had certainly gone well enough to, it was the best date I’d had in a long while. But it was hard to forget how I’d gotten just seeing Jake’s name on my phone earlier.

He didn’t get out, though, just turning in his seat to face me with an earnest look. “I have a confession. I know our first time didn’t show it, but I’m not like that. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. Annie’s boyfriend is a friend from college. I got out of a relationship right before we met and all of my friends were our friends. Steve took pity on me when he heard and started bringing me out more. I’ve heard you aren’t a partier, Annie’s ranted about her hermit nerd roommate before.” Here he flashed me a shy, apologetic smile. “I don’t hate that scene or anything, but this has been really nice. You’re really nice. And you look great tonight. I don’t think I said that yet, sorry.”

His honesty threw me off balance. After spending so long pulling teeth for any degree of connection, I barely remembered how to handle a guy putting so many words together at once, let alone being so open. It took me a bit to find my footing.

“Joe, I…” I searched for the right words for a moment, then pushed forward. “I’m not sure where I’m at right now, to tell you the truth. The other guy, well, it’s weird with him still. We’re still working together on a project for a while longer, and I don’t know how long it’ll be, and every time I talk to him it just makes it complicated...”

I hesitated and sighed loudly, then reached my hand over for him to grab if he’d like. He took it, eyes searching mine for a moment. He seemed to sense I wasn’t done, and waited, his thumb brushing over my knuckles.

“I had a good time, too. You’re right, I don’t do clubs or parties or anything like that. I mean, I did when I was younger, I definitely had a wild phase, but I kind of grew out of it. I haven’t gone home with a guy I just met in years. But I’m just not in the place to start something right now, you know?” I laughed without much humor and let my head fall to the headrest behind me. “If you didn’t seem like such a good guy, I think I’d really like letting you distract me for a while, but that’s not fair.”

He chuckled a little, his smile turning a bit wry. “You’re right, I’m not great at not getting attached. Though I’m a bit tempted to try right now.” I saw his eyes flicker down to my neckline for a quick second before he pulled them back to my face, blushing. It was strangely charming, and I leaned forward slowly to kiss him on the cheek, being sure to give him time to pull away or turn in if he preferred either option.

He didn’t move right away, but after my lips left his cheek, he chased after to capture them in a kiss. It was searing, and I felt my stomach flutter as I put the hand he wasn’t currently holding behind his head. 

When we finally broke apart, his eyes were half-lidded and I was sure mine looked the same. My thumb caressed his cheek gently as we watched each other silently.

“I’ll walk you to the door,” he whispered, voice a bit rough. Then his brain seemed to catch up and he looked away shyly. “Not to come in, I just think it’s proper after a good date.”

I gave him a reassuring smile. “I’d like that.”

The walk was quiet, and our hands brushed against each other but neither of us moved to link them. Still, at my door, I lingered a second, deliberately turning towards him as I opened my purse for my keys.

Before I found them, he’d pulled me toward him again and I kissed him back, tangling my fingers in his hair with a groan. Standing, our heights made it harder to navigate, at least until I was nudged back a step until my back met the door. He didn’t lift me, but the support from being sandwiched between them made standing up on my toes easier, and he seemed happy enough to lean down the rest of the way to meet my lips.

Eventually, I needed to come up for air and I gently pushed his shoulders to end the kiss. Breathing heavily, I rested my head on his chest for a second and then groaned. “Go, before I change my mind on that distraction thing.”

He chucked, stepped back, and pecked my lips gently when I looked up again. “Probably a good idea,” he said in a voice that told me it wouldn’t have been hard to convince him to stay. But we both knew it was wrong.

When he was halfway down the walkway, I called out, “hey, let me know you got home okay, alright? Drive safe,” and quickly opened my door to slip in before he could reply.

I was ridiculously glad to find Annie still out, and I took another quick shower to wash off the makeup, keeping my hair out of the spray. More than a small part of me regretted letting him leave. Even if Jake changed his mind, we were still half a world apart and he was on the run from the government. He’d never be able to come here, and while I technically could get there, it’d be impossible to do it often enough to really have a relationship without raising suspicions and getting stupidly expensive. Joe was here, interested, and a really good kisser. 

My sister said it best— I’m really bad at this.

Once I turned off the water and toweled off, I walked to my room without bothering to get dressed since I was alone. I sent Paige a text telling her that I was home, in my own bed, alone, and promised her details later. I didn’t let myself check to see if Jake was online.

Instead, I opened the message from Joe that I’d gotten while I was in the shower.

Joe: made it home Joe: and I meant what I said by the way, I had a great time. Joe: I hope he realizes what he’s missing out on soon, for his own sake. Joe: goodnight.

I pulled the flat sheet up to my chin, and drifted off slowly.

___

The next morning, I knew I couldn’t put Jake off any longer. I’d enjoyed my night, a lot, but I knew he didn’t get many chances to be in contact at the moment, and we still needed to focus on Hannah. Plus, as much as I didn’t want to, I missed him.

Biting my lip, I gathered my courage and replied. The discussion about what we’d discovered in our time apart went well, straightforward enough, and I was glad I’d waited till morning since we jumped on the phone records right away and calling people at midnight—or worse— wasn’t the quickest way to endear yourself to them.

I needn't have worried on that front, though, since no one probably lived at the garage to be woken up. Still, it would have raised some eyebrows the next morning, even if the people who saw the call were well-used to my bullshit by now.

I hadn’t meant to admit I missed him. I knew I shouldn’t say it even as I sent the message. It was dumb, and just opened up old wounds when he said the same back before logging off without giving me a chance to say anything more, as usual.

Confronting Thomas about having called Hannah the day she went missing went in a direction I hadn’t expected. It made sense that being the main suspect in his own partner’s disappearance would wear him down, but with how little he’d shown, I hadn’t considered it.

Blaming me for our lack of contact was frustrating, though, considering he’d just voted to kick me out. Of course I wasn’t buddying up to him after that. The fact that I was speaking to him at all was a small miracle, guy didn’t realize just how good I was at holding a grudge.

Once the floodgates were open, though, it seemed like he just couldn’t stop them. The way he described Hannah was so different from anything they’d said earlier, much more in line with the woman I’d investigated than the one I’d been introduced to by the group.

I hurt for Thomas, but it was yet another time I felt connected to Hannah. Secrets, hiding, shutting down around someone you love. Wasn’t that exactly what I was doing now? Had done whenever my demons crept back up and the emptiness lurked at the edges of my thoughts. 

Whatever it was that had happened, whatever triggered this, it seemed like she was losing the fight with it. I hoped again, for Jessy and Jake’s sake, that we found her soon. If she hadn’t done this to herself, that meant she was out there alone, unmedicated, trapped in her own mind. That was a special kind of hell, I knew.

The bracelet was pretty, I’d always loved emeralds. I was surprised Thomas told me about it with so little prompting, and sent the picture as confirmation. Maybe he was just done. It sounded like he’d been exhausted even before she went missing, so maybe he was just relieved to tell someone.

Even though I had no reason to suspect Jessy had anything to do with it, I mentioned that her initials matched. I couldn’t admit to myself that I was avoiding exactly what Thomas followed up with— pointing out Jake’s name. He didn’t make the same connection I’d been continuing to purposefully ignore— that the H could mean Hannah— but it still hung in the air somehow. 

I let myself be distracted from that fear that for a moment by listening to how different Hannah sounded the day of her kidnapping. If Jake hadn’t seen the abduction, that would have actually made me more nervous. People tended to relax once they’d decided to give in to depression, the same way I felt so much better when I let myself close off. 

I promised to try to find out if Jake was Hannah’s lover regardless of the churning in my stomach the idea caused. After last night, I had no right to even care, but I couldn’t help it. There was no way I’d ever give Thomas his last name, but if it could get us both the truth, I knew I needed to bring myself to ask.

I didn’t know for sure if I was happy or not that Jake wasn’t online, but pushed myself to message him anyway. He needed to at least know what I’d learned. 

I’d never let myself send him that many messages in a row before, and I got more desperate with each one. I hated how pathetic I knew I was coming off by the time I said that I hoped it wasn’t him, so I was the tiniest bit relieved that he stayed offline through my barrage.

___

The security footage I found in the cloud next felt like a nightmare to me, again striking me in that deep place of fear that was aware of just how vulnerable being a woman could be at times. The idea of having something, or someone, coming so close to you in the dead of night made me shiver and wrap my arms around myself. I sent it, as always, but almost cried with relief when Jessy quickly provided a distraction from my dark thoughts.

Her tour idea touched me more than she could know, more than I ever would have expected. The fact that she also seemed angry at Lilly only soothed me, and for the first time in a while I felt my hold on my cold mask loosen considerably. 

That sense of affection grew as she sent pictures showing off the town that I knew she wanted to leave, but at the same time seemed to want me to love. And I did feel a pull to it, despite seeing nothing but quick stills of buildings and fountains. I couldn’t picture myself there, but it was so central to my life lately that I couldn’t help but feel connected. I imagined that even if they all stopped talking to me after we found Hannah, I’d want to visit. Maybe I’d bring Paige, we could stay at the motel. Maybe Jake would leave the map on my phone before he, too, left once my usefulness had ended.

Even the man who picked then to harass me didn’t dampen my urge to see it, though it did remind me that Lilly taking down the video hadn’t kept it from continuing to spread, which left my mind a moment to drift to Jake.

But it didn’t last long, and when Jessy showed me the lake, I swore to myself that one day I’d picnic there. Even if it was alone, one day I’d dip my toes into the water and close my eyes with my face to the sun. I wanted to feel the good in this place that had been haunting my nightmares. I wanted to face it and prove I was stronger than the legends it held.

Her story about her mom broke my heart, and I was tempted to tell her about mine but clamped down on the urge. Once I opened that door, there was no way I’d be able to pull back into the peace I was determined to return to shortly. So instead I asked about her brother, and when that only worked for bit and she asked for news, I forced myself to open that can of worms again and show her the bracelet.

I wasn’t expecting her to recognize it, and even less to find out it had been in a pawn shop. Would a lover have gotten a bracelet from there, in such a small town where it would almost certainly be recognized by whoever had pawned it? 

Maybe it was from someone she’d used date and she’d pawned it before, but gotten sentimental. Thomas had never seen it before because it’d been hidden, then pawned, but he’d seen it before she was able to hide it again.

But even without knowing enough about it to know the whole story, it made me feel lighter to know that it was unlikely that it was from Jake, at least in the recent past. I could handle them being exes, even though I couldn’t honestly say that I would put so much effort into keeping one of my exes safe. Especially not considering what it was costing him.

Before I could go any further with that thought, Phil messaged Jessy to say that Thomas and Cleo had joined forces in their mission to break into every building in Duskwood, and I raked my hand over my face.

Stop. Being. Stupid. Please. Hannah, help me.

The fact that Phil even gave them a chance before calling the cops didn’t really match up with anything I’d heard from him. I don’t know for sure I’d have waited, but I guess they were his sister’s friends so that could make things a bit different, I supposed. Still, between the discoveries showing Hannah wasn’t the person I’d been told about, and now this, I wondered if maybe Phil was really the bad guy I’d thought.

Maybe I’d need to see if Jake could get ahold of his number soon and get his thoughts on this all.

Jessy requested a call, and I felt a wave of guilt about her being out this late because of me. Here she was trying to cheer me up, when it was her friend missing and her town hiding secrets. I was safely tucked a world away, pitying myself because my crush was unrequited. Man, sometimes I was the worst.

I chatted with her on her walk, happy to help her feel safe. At least until I caught sight of someone walking behind Jessy in the dark, dodging to avoid being seen. I called out a warning, but it was too late. I could only scream as I watched her fall to the attack. The mask man turned the camera to let me see him, and I spit out curses, telling him to come find me instead. Red flooded my vision as he propped the camera up in a way that made it clear I was supposed to watch her suffer. I sobbed loudly as I begged her to get back up. Even when she did, ending the call, I couldn’t stop the tears. NEXT

#duskwood mc #duskwood fanfic #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood #duskwood fandom #duskwood episode 10 #duskwood everbyte #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood jake #jake x mc

[theravencroft]

Rethinking Humanity in Vampire: the Masquerade or Try Getting a Reservation at Dorsia Now You Stupid Bloodsucker

Do you like Mary Harron's American Psycho?

Her film has been reduced to "literally me" gifs and Sigma Male Business Guy memes, but it still holds its own, commercially and artistically. The whole movie has a clear, crisp look and a sheen of consummate professionalism from Christian Bale that gives it a big boost. It's been compared to Alfred Hitchcock's, but I think American Psycho has a far more bitter, cynical sense of humor.

What does this have to do with Vampire: The Masquerade?

While it is one of my favorite settings, Vampire is a godawful series of systems all fused together, like a monster from Promethean, but that's okay, nobody likes Promethean.

One of the central conflicts in the line as a whole--besides "oh god, how many edgelords did they hire this time"--is this: You are inherently inhuman doing monstrous things nightly but the Humanity system...

(note: I'm not referring to any specific edition since trying to figure out which editions they are supporting and which they aren't is impossible and also who can find anything in those books good lord)

...as written is inherently silly and very Catholic, like Louis from Interview with the Vampire.

You are supposed to be a cool vampire scheming to stay alive but also crying about it and obsessed with your own inhumanity because you had a bad thought or stole something.

You will, at some point, be seized by The Beast and commit terrible violent acts, but you will...feel really bad about it when you're done? I'm going to appear less human because I shoplift or do property damage? Humans love shoplifting and property damage!

The gothic angst is good for hitting on babes in fishnets, but what is the overarching goal of the Masquerade? (Besides hitting on babes in fishnets, I'm not taking that away, that's the whole point!)

Like Patrick Bateman, you want to fit in.

Also like Patrick Bateman: You don't. You are a predator desperately aping the vague memories of being human and clinging to old routines, hoping nobody notices. You cling to symbols and behaviors but something about you is still unsettling to people.

Why would we humans have an instinct like The Uncanny Valley? What if humans had (or have) an evolutionary need to pick out "Wow this thing seems almost human but no, this is a predator and I gotta run or kill it right now"?

The Humanity/Frenzy system as written kind of hints at this, but I think as a Storyteller, we can make it explicit. And we can also divorce it from the mechanics (and thank Cain for that) and make it more of a roleplay question: How well are you keeping it together? How much are people noticing?

Instead of ratings and sins and hard numbers, let's put it in a fuzzier scale. Something like:

At a 10 for Humanity, you are probably newly turned or just getting your bloodsucker legs under you. You still blend in. You can probably work a mobile phone or tablet still.

At around 7, the mask is starting to slip. You may blurt inappropriate things. You are starting to get out of touch with the wider culture and may begin sounding like an out of touch older adult adult. What's with the TikToks and the baggy pants anyway? This cancel culture seems pretty bad, why when I was a kid in 1936 we ate lead paint chips...People may not twig that something is amiss, but they'll start noticing your odd behavior. Maybe just writing you off as out of touch or a weirdo.

Around 5, you are starting to be genuinely off-putting. People start noticing your lies and excuses don't make a lot of sense or just plain bizarre . At this point, anyone keeping an eye out is going to start noticing people talking about this weirdo. This also eliminates the hand-waving of social media and everyone carrying camera phones. Maybe you don't blur the footage quite so cleanly anymore.

Around 3-4, you have probably attracted the attention of someone who finds you engaging, but thinks you're up to something. Maybe not the Second Inquisition or local hunters, but somebody is noticing this weirdo keeps turning up. Everyday people notice you constantly smell like old blood or that frock coat from the 1720s isn't an affectation, it's genuine and you also haven't washed it since the 1720s. When your shower shoes have fungus on them, you are no longer colorful, you're a slob.

From there, you become more and more viscerally repulsive to humans, though they may not be able to say why. When they look at you, they know something is deeply wrong. They may flee or attack you. But you're also behaving more and more strangely. Running naked with a chainsaw after a victim. Trying to feed stray cats to ATMs (Malkavians may do that anyway, you get the point).

Let's go ahead and reframe the Camarilla, too.

Rather than enforcing the high school politics of Venice, 1536, the Camarilla is more the organization trying to keep a lid on a bunch of psychotics before the sheep realize there are an awful lot of wolves among them. The Camarilla may stake you to save everyone else if you piss them off. Or they may stage an intervention if they like you to remind you maybe dial back the acting like a goddamn lunatic.

This works for a higher lethality setting, too. Increase the paranoia and the politics: if you keep breaking the Masquerade, both your own guys and the other guys are going to come after you, and possibly both. But of course, the further you push yourself, the easier it gets to give in and chainsaw a bunch of hookers then call your attorney and confess everything.

The point of the game shifts from being The Sad Louis: obsessed with your own guilt, which you honestly don't care about because you literally eat humans to survive and there's not really a good alternative option; to being The Chad Lestat: You kind of enjoy what you're doing but if you push it too far and make it too obvious, you're going to do some pretty monstrous things and piss off literally everyone, but that can be pretty fun, too.

In other words: there is an idea of your old human self, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real 'you', only an entity, something illusory, and though I can hide my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable: I simply am not there. It is hard for me to make sense on any given level. Myself is fabricated, an aberration. I am a noncontingent human being. My personality is sketchy and unformed, my heartlessness goes deep and is persistent. My conscience, my pity, my hopes disappeared a long time ago (probably at Harvard) if they ever did exist. There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it, I have now surpassed. I still, though, hold on to one single bleak truth: no one is safe, nothing is redeemed. Yet I am blameless. Each model of human behavior must be assumed to have some validity. Is evil something you are? Or is it something you do? My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone. In fact, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. But even after admitting this—and I have countless times, in just about every act I’ve committed—and coming face-to-face with these truths, there is no catharsis. I gain no deeper knowledge about myself, no new understanding can be extracted from my telling. There has been no reason for me to tell you any of this.

This post has meant nothing.

#vampire masquerade

[asknarashikari]

Sento: Oi, Hojo, I've always been curious about something.

Emu: Really? What is it?

Sento: Why'd you use the fact that the baby rider has abs to force Souma in a diet and excercise routine?

Sento: When you could have used Banjo as an example.

Sento: Or even yourself, you have abs!

Haruto: Emu has abs?!

Haruto: Mama Emu has abs?!

Kadoya: Here's your proof, Souma

Emu: Onore Dikeido!

Sento: We literally saw Hojo shirtless when one of your spell rings flubbed, Souma?!

Gou: and the last few messages in this chat literally had that photo.

Sento: How are you finding it out just now?!

Haruto: Sue me for not paying attention to a Kouhai's shirtless form.

Haruto: Unlike some chaotic edgelords, I do not engage in those kinds of things.

Kadoya: Who are you calling an Edgelord?!

Haruto: You're the one that reacted.

Kadoya: Why you?!

Emu: there is only one reason.

Emu: That picture was a private photograph taken by some people who knew me, it was a project.

Emu: Which I had no intention of posting anywhere.

Emu: I even had them delete their copy of the photograph.

Emu: it because I am a professional, you do not see Shinnosuke posting half naked photographs.

Emu: Because frankly, his physique is a very good example for you, Souma.

Emu: He's not known to be the nation's boyfriend for nothing.

Shinnosuke: So you also knew that.

Emu: Using Sougo, not only are we able to force Souma to do the routine because of his pride. It will also not put me in a narcissistic manner.

Souma: Then why are you not hounding, Hiden?

Aruto: We're back to this again?

Aruto: Unlike you, I happen to eat a balanced diet because I know how to cook.

Aruto: I do not take shortcuts to get my way like using magic to reach for donuts three steps away

Emu: it is for your own good, Souma.

Souma: Fine... it just feels unfair.

Fuwa: Suck it up, Wizard boy.

Yaiba: Hiden's body still hasnt recovered from when he just drank contaminated water for a few days, maybe even weeks.

Emu: What?!

Kadoya: Looks like mama Emu's attention has been shifted.

Still not over Mama Emu's abs, btw

I guess Haruto probably won't pay attention to the others' shirtless photos, unless they're used to shame him into eating healthier and getting up to get doughnuts instead of just ~magic~ Also, he's ace, he doesn't get the appeal at all lol

RIP it's Aruto's turn to get mom'd

#kamen rider #ask #hxmxbros

[bisexualsmackingnoises]

I've never done a request before, but there's always a first lol :) I'm very interested in your thoughts: child/tween bruno buccellati headcanons please? I feel like not enough people consider when he was young, or the mysterious period from when he just joined till he recruited fugo

Hi, Maza! (Can I call ya that?) Thank you so much for the request! Sorry for keepin’ ya waiting for so long. This is a little short, but I think I shoved enough of my thoughts in here.

This was an interesting bit of lore to ponder on, considering I actually don’t think about Bruno too much outside of what I know of him in canon & what my dearest Bruno lovers say about him. (I usually let my Zipper-Simp friends take the wheel on loreweaving, I’m just a pleb that likes consuming their content and enabling their thirst lol.) I work under the assumption that there was some amount of time between him joining and him getting Sticky Fingers, and that he was initiated some other way initially or put on the backburner until Polpo found a use for him.

(Speaking of, special thanks to @bucciaratis-titty-window for her impeccable advice on this matter!)

HCs About Bruno as a Kid/Teen + Acclimating to Life in Passione

Content Warnings: weaponry and violence mention, psychological trauma

Bruno was very, very, very awkward around his new authorities when he was initially absorbed into Passione. That’s kind of a given, when you’re a kid in a pseudo-professional criminal world you never asked to be thrown into. I’d also bet he was a good deal socially stunted by his trauma and abrupt end of childhood, explaining his uh, weirder behaviour. (I wholeheartedly endorse the “Bruno is weird” trope/headcanon, it’s golden and very canon compliant/diegetic.)

Probably practiced knife tricks and general knife handling for fights, because he understood that as his combat strong suit prior to Sticky. That probably taught him how to be as careful and agile as he is canonically.

I think he went into a kinda… “edgelord” phase to come to grips with how immense the traumas and evils surrounding him were. Like, he took his very real, very trauma-backed mission statement and combined it with the mafioso macho he was surrounded by. I think that none of the older people around him gave much of a shit, and usually brushed off his “no one understands me or this broken, corrupt world like I do” behaviour with little thought. He grew out of it pretty quickly because he had to get his behaviour in check, given his eventual place in Passione.

I also think this is part of why he understood Fugo so well—he knew, to some extent, the kind of anger the kid had, and knew there was a way to grow from it.

It’s when Bruno started to level out that his adult self started to show for the first time. He was always more of a listener than a talker, and that only got more intense once he did. He knew that he'd get everything he needed to know if he kept his mouth shut around his higher-ups.

Often used reading as a cover for listening in. They already saw him as just a brash, dumb kid, so why not weaponize that underestimation?

He bloomed into something deadly. Careful hands and the ability to hold his tongue, a calm composure, ears always open and eyes always watching, and a presence that could command a room with effortless grace. It was a long way forward, and not the best one, but he travelled the entire length of it.

#violence mention #weaponry mention #psychological trauma #Bruno Bucciarati #Bruno Bucellati #JJBA #JJBA Part 5 #jjba vento aureo #vento aureo #childhood hcs #headcanons #headcanon #ask #request #strawberry-mazapan #Headcanon Request #jjba vento aureo spoilers #jjba part 5 spoilers

[crystallinee-waters]

aluseras for that ship ask game!

thank you! 💖💖 Send me a ship and I’ll answer three questions based on if I ship it or not

Don’t ship it

Why don’t you ship it? For me, it’s Seras lack of agency and the fact that Seras had like 5 seconds, heavily injured, to either choose death or become his fledgling and let herself be abducted. I’d argue she did not choose to become a vampire - she chose not to die. Gonzo may be the exception where her decision feels a bit more in tune with Alucard’s decision-making, but they had no bonding before. Then, Alucard orchestrating the entire situation so he had a reason to shoot her when he literally did not have to. I ship Alutegra and I am aware of the unhealthiness in that power imbalance as well, but the difference there is that Alucard was a grown ass brutal murderer who was incarcerated to stop the murder of thousands of more people, and who’s constantly openly thirsting for the person he’s subbing for which evens it out imo. Then Alucard is heavily involved with Integra - mentally, professionally, through blood and seals and whatnot and I don’t really see how Seras could gain that same kind of attention/intense bond that they have as long as she’s alive. Yes, we know Seras chose to stay the “fledgling” later on by not drinking Alucard’s blood, at least according to Taliesin Jaffe and Crispin Freeman, she wanted that sub dynamic with Alucard because she needed it - because she lost her own family before she was done needing them, and replaces them as an adult with the bond with Alucard and Integra (also she did not want to drink blood for other reasons). For me personally I love to see adult Seras find her new found family with Alucard and Integra. 2. What would have made you like it? Imagine Seras in the woods. She spots Alucard and she’s curious and slightly scared. He kills the vampire Priest like he’s supposed to without stalling like an edgelord and Seras stands by the sidelines, watching. She’s interested - Alucard notices her, of course, maybe exchanges a word before leaving.  Later on, there is another situation and Seras has been shot at a crime scene as a responding officer, or attacked by a ghoul. Hellsing is there to investigate vampires. Alucard stumbles upon this young police woman he has seen before, they recognize each other and he knows she’s dying, he has seen it before so many times. He stays a few moments to honor her life running out on the ground beside her - his own mission is accomplished. Seras knows he has killed ghouls and vampires and doesn’t consider him a threat. As this tall stranger sits beside her, waiting for her to die, she says she doesn’t want to. She asks him if he knows what’s going to happen once she dies. (will she see her parents? is she ready? she hasn’t accomplished what she wants, she knows her parents would want her to keep on living.) Something shifts in his eyes, a glimmer of something. Then he asks her, “would you like to come with me?” She nods, reaches out her hand, and Alucard takes it. He asks her again if she knows what’s she’s doing, he explains it to her, if she can imagine eternal life without end, and Seras is decided this time. He says he does not want to curse anyone else into this existence but he can save her life with it. Seras decides that she wants to, she clings to his hand. He turns her into a vampire and carries her home. (I would probably ship that or find it more appealing, also if Seras quickly drank his blood to release herself from the servant bond. I have even considering writing abt that situation, platonic or not.) 3. Despite not shipping it, do you have anything positive to say about it? Love their mentor/protégée bond. Love that Alucard actually stops and considers his actions when she questions him - the Rio scene is full of implications  - how he mirrored her hurt in that moment and Seras made this old weary brutal vampire so emotional for a moment - she made his walls break down. Also that he had to call Integra for validation to go through with his plans, he didn’t forget his orders, he just needed more validation. I like to think Seras actually affected him that much. Like, he could not have spared a single person in Rio even if he had wanted to, and that’s the glorious, genius angst of that situation that both he and Seras were just tools with emotions. (But to be fair, he did encourage Integra into letting him kill them so I think it’s a mutual effort even if the murders are on Integra.) I love that Alucard actually chooses to care for someone else out of completely free will, even if his means of attaining this bond with Seras is highly questionable for me, he does care for her when there’s nothing in it for him but simple company. The way he is patient with her, mentoring her, putting Pip in his place for her, love that. Also making her hide in the cupboard so she wouldn’t have to watch him make a smoothie out of everyone and make sure she would be safe from the SWAT, love that.

#hellsing #hellsing ultimate #seras victoria #alucard #hellsingimpuresouls

[freelanceexorcist]

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you’re thinking of insulting someone’s creative work because you can’t come up with content of your own, don’t. You’re not being clever. You’re not being edgy. You’re not being a badass. You’re being a rude asshole with no social skills.

I had it happen to me today and I’m not gonna lie, I was salty for a hot minute. It was just so juvenile and unnecessary and added nothing to any discourse. But I’m an adult who can take a punch, especially from some nobody on the Internet, so I got over it and it won’t change anything. It got me to thinking, though. This person didn’t know this when they insulted me. For all they knew, I could have been an insecure teenager whose urge to create was destroyed because some edgelord just couldn’t keep their hands off their keyboards. I've seen too many testimonies from people saying that getting their work shit on made them give it up, and that's just so sad. I hope the high that people like this get from random acts of Internet cruelty is worth it.

Now, I’m not saying to coddle anyone. And constructive criticism offered in good faith is a great tool for improvement. “This is the worst fucking thing I’ve ever seen” is not constructive criticism offered in good faith. The only purpose served by words like this is to cause harm and be a bully. You’re allowed to not like something. You’re allowed to hate something. But don’t pretend that the whole of the Internet is just waiting to hear your opinion, and it costs you nothing to not be a rude little shit.

And if you’re someone who finds yourself on the receiving end of this, don’t despair. It stings at first, but in the end it doesn’t matter. Keep writing, keep making art, keep doing what makes you happy. Even if your stuff isn’t professional-level great right now, that’s why you keep doing it and getting better. Don’t let the assholes get you down, because they hate themselves a lot more than they hate you or your work.

#don’t be a dick #soapbox time

[localkatshelter]

Okame’s Underbelly - Explanation |5th|

(ShinsoxOC)

Katsumi’s POV (localvillageidiot#0870) and Shinso’s POV (hecker#8339)

Warning: Contains arguing, name-calling, smoking, swearing, slight misuse of quirk, and Denki and Mina supremacy

Preview (Katsumi’s POV):

| “Shinso,” I said, turning to him, “you like poetry too, right?” I said, giving him a small, inviting smile.

“No, not my thing.” he grumbled, not even turning to answer me directly.

I felt my eye twitch. I am trying. So hard. To be nice.

“Oh really? I got the feeling that you might since I think we met briefly at a poetry house once over the summer.” I said pleasantly, clenching my jaw in secret.

“Did we? Well, even if we did, I don’t think I’d remember you.” he said dismissively.

Okay, now you're just trying to piss me off. |

Unknown source for artwork. (Please let me know who’s it is if you know)

1st Chapter - Anticipation

(Katsumi's POV)

The smell of day old frying oil greeted me as I walked into Marley’s to meet up with Mina. She had asked me to grab a quick bite to eat with her before we went to a party that a friend of hers was having. She knew I would never turn down a good time nor would I ever turn down a Marley’s date. I scanned the room to find my favorite tuft of pink hair waving wildly at me. My smile morphed into shock when I saw an equally wild blonde waving at me as well. I hurried over to the table to greet them but when I arrived I saw Edgelord sitting with them as well. His head was stuck in a menu, apparently trying to seem indifferent about my arrival. I felt a strange mix of anger and anxiety rushing out of him, pushing me back towards the door. It irritated me but I decided to ignore it, focusing my attention on those who were happy to see me.

“Denki, hi! I didn’t think I’d see you so soon.”

“Fate must be bringing us together.” he avowed, comically suave.

I laughed. “It must be. Can’t say I mind though.”

I hugged Mina, who had gotten out of the booth when I walked over.

“Why didn’t you tell me you had friends coming too?” I asked.

“I thought you’d like the surprise!” she beamed.

“You know me, the more the merrier!” I said as we settled into our seats. I slid into the booth next to Edgelord, who still hadn’t said anything. I took off my leather jacket and tucked it into my backpack between my legs.

“Hey Shinso.” I said casually.

“Hey.” he replied gruffly.

Well this is going to be an awkward meal. He’s already on my nerves. I don’t get why he’s acting like this. I let him sleep on my couch and he can’t even muster up a decent hello? Is he trying to hurt my feelings? ... Just play nice Kat. He’s Mina’s old friend and Denki’s roommate. You can do this. Just pretend like he’s not being weird, or better yet, pretend like he’s not even there. Don’t let it get to you. I took a mental deep breath and smiled at the two across from me. The three of us chatted for a while about nothing in particular, just a little small talk about this and that. At some point, Mina mentioned something about a high school memory, which reminded me of how they all knew each other.

“Denki, you went to UA too, right? Your quirk must be really cool.” I said.

“Wanna see how it works?” He raised an eyebrow and smiled mischievously.

I looked over at Mina who smiled encouragingly at me, albeit a bit too eager for my liking.

“Uh, sure why not?”

“Give me your hand.”

I complied, placing my hand in his. He took it and flipped it so my palm was up. He dangled his fingers over my hand dramatically, like a magician about to say their magic words.

“Are you ready?”

I nodded, a bit intrigued. He placed a finger in the middle of my palm and activated his quirk, sending a small zap into my skin. A strange noise came out of my mouth when I felt the slight pain and surprise hit me. The noise sent Mina and Denki into a fit of laughter.

“What- what was that noise?” Mina choked out between giggles.

“Shut up, that hurt!”

“I- I’m sorry! It was just too tempting!” Denki wheezed.

I rubbed the slightly tender part of my palm and glared at them.

“Come on, I’ll make it up to you. Let me kiss it better.” He held out his hands to me.

I looked at him skeptically.

“I won't do it again, promise.”

I gave him my hand and he leaned down, placing an electrified kiss on the same spot as before.

“Ow!” I cried as I pulled my hand back.

Mina and Denki bursted out laughing once more, this time joined by a scoff from Shinso.

“How gullible can you be?” Shinso said under his breath.

I shot him a look but before I could say anything back, our food arrived.

We ate and the three of us continued to chat. Mina and Denki told me stories about their time at UA together. It was so cool to hear what the pro heroes that I was covering were like when they were students. I took some pretty good mental notes, not that I would ever use any of the personal information I gathered in any of my posts. That just felt like an invasion of privacy, but it did help me understand the dynamic I captured between certain heroes in my photographs. It always struck me odd how Dynamite and Deku looked when they fought together. Their relationship vexed me but pulled me in at the same time. The same applied to Dynamite and Red Riot. Hearing that one pair had been childhood friends and the other had become super close in their first year at UA shed some new light and perspective on the scenes that I had captured before.

Some of the stories were just outright hilarious too. Denki was an absolute riot and the way he and Mina played off of each other made my mission of ignoring Edgelord’s attitude super easy. He hadn’t said much of anything since our food had come to the table despite Mina and Denki trying to involve him in their storytelling. He just hummed or gave an unenthusiastic “yeah” whenever they asked him something. I didn’t need to use my quirk to feel the irritation and discomfort rolling off of him. If you don’t want to be here, then leave. I couldn’t help but feel like I was the reason he was so annoyed. I walked myself through my memories trying to figure out when exactly I ran over this kid’s cat. I really was nothing but nice. I practically saved his life, not that he knows that, but still! I bared those emotions for him! It took me forever to claw my way out of that depression hole. On top of that, I gave him a place to sleep it off and helped him move all of his shit up the stairs into his room. Why is he getting under my skin this much? Why do I even care? Everything about this is pissing me off.

“So Kat,” Denki said, interrupting my thoughts. “What do you like to do in your free time?”

“I like to take pictures and I write sometimes.” I said, covering my half full mouth.

“Well duh, you’re a photojournalism major. That doesn't count.”

“Umm,” I thought about my response as I swallowed. “Actually, I used to spend a lot of time at some hole-in-the-wall place near campus. I listened to people perform poetry and stuff like that. I went every Friday at one point to listen to a particular person. The stage name was Okame, but once they stopped performing I kind of lost interest” I checked my watch. “If Okame was still performing, I’d probably be getting ready to head over right about now.”

I felt Shinso tense up next to me. His anxiety was tugging at my quirk like toddlers aggressively tug on a parent’s sleeve. Wow, his anxiety just shot through the roof... You good kid? Maybe I should bring him into the conversation? Is that what this is about?

“Shinso,” I said, turning to him, “you like poetry too, right?” I said, giving him a small, inviting smile.

“No, not my thing.” he grumbled, not even turning to answer me directly.

I felt my eye twitch. I am trying. So hard. To be nice.

“Oh really? I got the feeling that you might since I think we met briefly at a poetry house once over the summer.” I said pleasantly, clenching my jaw in secret.

“Did we? Well, even if we did, I don’t think I’d remember you.” he said dismissively.

Okay, now you're just trying to piss me off.

“Oh yeah? Well I definitely remember you. You were outside. If memory serves, you were having a pretty rough go of it.” I turned to fully face him, shooting him a challenging glare.

I knew the irritation showed on my face, but I honestly didn’t care enough to hide my emotions anymore. He met my glare with his own. The message was clear, he wanted me to shut my mouth and drop it. But why should I? He just continued to stare me down, waiting for me to change the subject, but I had a few questions for him. Mina must have seen me ready to blow a gasket because she decided to jump in to defuse the situation.

“Well, what does it matter where you were or what you're into?” she chuckled nervously. “Kat, have you been writing anything interesting lately?”

“Or do you have any of your professional-grade photographs on your phone? I’d really love to see them! I’m sure they’re amazing!” Denki chimed in, following Mina’s lead.

“I’m gonna head out for a smoke.” Shinso said, looking at me to move.

I got up to let him out. I watched him walk out with his hands deep in his pockets. I was drilling holes into the back of his head and I knew he felt it because his frustration was overcoming his anxiety as he reached the door, but I wasn’t done with him yet.

“I’m actually going to take a step out too.”

Mina gave me a look that said Girl what? You don’t smoke. But I ignored it and followed after Shinso.

(Shinso's POV)

God must be playing some cruel joke on me, either that, or I was a shittier boyfriend than I originally thought and this was my sweet karma. I just can't seem to escape that night. I managed to stifle the buzz in my head for the most part but it keeps manifesting itself, or rather infesting, my present. Time for some more shitty coping. I pulled out the pack of cigarettes from my jacket and pulled one out. It was a bit mangled but it was my second to last one. (I imagine his last cigarettes always end up this way bc he always smokes when his mood is erratic so he just manhandles tf out these ciggies)

"It's in poor condition but it'll have to do." I muttered under my breath.

I swiftly placed it between my lips and raised the lighter to it, but the flame was quickly extinguished. Shit, why does it always have to be so windy today? I hovered my other hand over the flame to block the harsh gusts, as I furrowed my brows in concentration. I was failing miserably to light my damn cigarette. I groaned in frustration before two small hands appeared around mine. My hands jerked back, startled, extinguishing the flame immediately. I looked down and realized it was the little brunette. I composed myself with a sigh and went back to trying to light my cigarette, choosing not to pay her any attention.

"Do you want help lighting your cigarette or not?" she questioned, irritated.

I looked down at her, a stubborn expression on her face. Pick your battles, Shinso. I reluctantly leaned down towards her.

“So...” she said after the cigarette was lit. “I mean this in the nicest, most polite way possible, but what the fuck is your problem?” she interrogated.

Her sudden abrasiveness caught me off guard. "Uh...what do you mean?" When did this become an interrogation all of a sudden?

“I mean, why do you treat me like I ran over your cat on your birthday?

Her absurd question also took me aback but I was quicker to adjust this time. "I don't even know who you are?” Why am I lying? Fuck it I already said it, let's go with it.

“Oh really? So that's why you act so out of pocket any time I bring up the night we met when I found you drunk and ugly crying-”

"Okay okay, fine. Just please stop bringing it up." I interrupted hastily. "Jesus fuck." I muttered under my breath. Why does she insist on bringing it up?

“So you do remember?” she asked with mock surprise. I just looked ahead of me hoping that she would run out of steam and drop it.

“Say it.” She demanded, her volume raising this time.

"Yes." I confirmed begrudgingly. Why the fuck does she have to be so loud? She's a pro at being annoying. "But I can't say it, because I genuinely don't remember your name." This was intended to be a slight jab but I was being honest. I probably could remember it if I wasn’t actively trying to forget it.

“Not like Denki and Mina haven’t said it a million times today. It’s Katsumi.”

"Ooooh right. Kat." My voice was just short of being completely monotone.

“Kat...so you do remember. Asshole.” She rolled her eyes. She has no problem insulting me. It kind of amused me but my aggravation overshadowed it.

I shrugged at her. What does it matter anyway? It's not like we're gonna be best friends. We can barely tolerate each other as it is.

“Listen Edgelord, I think you still owe me an explanation. I’ve been nothing but nice to you. So what gives?” she insisted.

"I don't know what you're talking about. This is how I always am." I technically wasn't lying. I tended to rub strangers the wrong way, either that or I was easily forgettable.

“So you're always a total douche?” she challenged, staring me right in my face.

"Funny. Guess so." I said carelessly with a hint of a smirk at her additional loving nickname for me. Wonder what else she'll call me?

“I know you’re not though. You turn sour as soon as I come around and it bothers me. So fess up. What’s your damage?” Her expression twisted into a scowl at the end of her sentence.

That last question irked me a little more than it should've. My damage?

"Hm I don't know, maybe you being a constant reminder of one of the worst days of my life." I stated with a tinge of bitterness at the end of my words.

This seemed to catch her off guard. She took a moment to configure a response. She was either being very careful with her next words or didn't know what to say at all.

“Oh, okay, yeah. That tracks... Well I’m sorry, but I really couldn’t just leave you there.” Her tone was slightly softer than before.

"I know." I admitted reluctantly. "That's what's so frustrating." I muttered, barely audible. What made her care so much about a complete mess of a stranger? Now we're attached by that occurence and it's so embarrassing.

“Frustrating? What’s so frustrating?” She caught part of it.

"Nothing. I just- I hate that you saw me like that. It's fucking weird. I like to deal with shit on my own."

“It’s really okay, Shinso. I didn’t think about it when I saw you. I was just happy to catch up, because we got along really well that night. It wasn't until you started avoiding me like the plague that I started thinking back to remember where things went wrong.”

"Yeah, I get that. But you're always bringing it up so casually like it's the weather or some shit."

“It was the only thing that got any sort of response out of you. What else did you want me to do? Besides, It didn’t make me think of you in any type of way.” she assured me.

"I just don't get why you care." I said more to myself than to her.

She seemed to genuinely consider this for a second.

“Me either, if I’m being honest. You’re so grouchy. I almost never put up with your type. But here we are.” She shrugged and dropped her arms to her side, comically defeated.

That sentiment actually drew a chuckle out of me. It didn't seem like the most appropriate response for the situation so I tried to stifle it as best as I could.

"Yup. Here we are." I confirmed.

“So we’re friends now.” she asserted, sure of it.

"Uh...I didn't say all that." She really is bold. She keeps catching me off guard.

“But I did.” she doubled down on it.

There was a brief stare down, her amber eyes were unwavering on mine. I guess it doesn't mean much. We're just gonna have to play nice when we're around each other from now on.

I shrugged. "Okay cool." I put the cigarette to my lips again only to discover it is nothing but a dying butt now. All that annoying back and forth made me forget about one of my last cigs. "Fuck, really, Kat?" I complained with a hint of playfulness at the very edge of my tone. I'm due for a pack on Sunday so I'll just have to hold out for a day or so. I pulled out the last one and lit effortlessly. Of course now it lights with no problem.

“Blame your own stubbornness. If you had just given me an answer the first time I asked, you could have smoked until your lungs gave out.” she retorted.

There was a moment of silence as I took my first drag. I could see her eyeing my cigarette, with disgust, if I had to guess.

“Gimme one of those.” She pointed to my pocket where the now empty pack was.

I shot a look down at her, my eyebrows raised. I chuckled in surprise. I didn't take her for a smoker with the way she talks about it. I guess she's one of those self-loathing nic addicts. Kinda same. I'm just not as loud about it.

"A little too late, this is the last one." I took another drag, staring mindlessly at the horizon in front of me.

“And?” she insisted as if that was a dumb response.

I gave her another weird look before it registered. Oh...okay.

"Fine." I gave her the cigarette I was smoking.

She grabbed the cigarette, maneuvering it awkwardly in her hand before settling it between her pointer and middle finger, the typical form. She brought it to her mouth and inhaled with a pained expression. She was barely a second in before she began coughing. Yup, she doesn’t actually smoke. Her sad attempt was endearing in an odd way. It was actually kind of cute. What am I thinking? She was intolerable a second ago. Stop that, brain. You’re being weird. Scolding myself inwardly distracted me from the fact that I was laughing at her outwardly. She rolled her eyes in response, annoyed at my amusement.

“Listen, people seem to smoke when they’re stressed and well, you stress me the fuck out so I thought I’d give it a try. Show me how to do it then, since you wanna scoff at me.” She handed the cigarette back to me before crossing her arms. I followed up her request with another chuckle, shaking my head at her.

“Are you sure you wanna be my friend? I’m already teaching you bad habits.” I teased, a smirk pulling at the corner of my lips. But I obliged and raised the cigarette to my lips obnoxiously slow and inhaled. I blew the smoke in her general direction and she swatted it away with a grimace.

“Tada…” I concluded sarcastically.

“Gross...you know what? Nevermind.”

We laughed in unison. It was followed up with a moment of quiet.

“Well, Edgelord, I’ll see you at the party. Try to smile a little when you’re there. It suits you way more than your resting bitch face.”

“I’m starting to think that you don’t remember my name either. Keep it fresh and switch it up once in a while. Try...I don’t know...buzzkill next, or something.” I criticized, a smile in my voice.

She tilted her head to the side as if to say “good idea”, before I put out my cigarette and headed inside with her.

#Okame's Underbelly #hitoshi shinso #shinso #mha #mha fanfiction #my hero academia #my hero academy fanfiction #shinso x oc #hitoshi #bnha #bnha fanfiction #boku no hero academia #denki #denki kamanari #mina #mina ashido

[panikpanikpanik]

Here's a list of things that make me a little happy:

- socks with pictures

- satanic stuff (I'm not even Satanist but it got me in a good way somehow, unless it's some edgelord shit)

- drawing

- making photoes of cool buildings

- music

- being alone, by myself

- spinach and cheese pastry

- video essays

- memes

- looking at animation

- nice smells

- textures (if it's not something woolen)

- rambling

- manga (I even have some printed out pages on my fridge: from Dorohedoro, Chainsaw Man and Houseki no Kuni)

- silence

- ability to just exist in space without taking into account what other people will think of you or tell you... So I guess it's just a repeat of alone part

- character and creature design, like pokemon

What doesn't make me happy in the slightest:

- being treated like I'm underdeveloped. I know that it's probably partially true even though I have never been looked at by professional (sweet family time with denial of possibility if any mental problems...) so it can easily be some autistic stuff as well as other neurological problems but it still get on my nerves and those fuckers are already thin as fuck

- being yelled at

- being weird and not being able to stop it

- being embarrassed by myself

- crying for hours about some tiny shit

- moodswings

#self help #mental health

[antis-delete-your-blogs-pls-thx]

I saw the post where you discuss famous serial killers, so now I'm curious, what is your professional opinion on Bundy? Sorry if you talked about it already and I missed it!

How can I say "wow whooooboy you got a doozy there folks" in the most professional way? ;P

He's the one in amongst the most infamous killers I really wouldn't have much hope for getting anywhere with. The most critical factor I've noticed is ability to take responsibility openly for what you've done. As the interviews with the priest showed, he was having a fun time at the end there shooting out blame on whatever would make the Church salivate the hardest about "tEHheh RISE OF SATAnISm" (not as much fun as Ramirez though lol now there's a Goth edgelord nobody can ever beat).

I don't think he gave a shit he brutally murdered people. I'm sure he knew that, and the rest of us caught on soon after. The levels of EGOISM in trying to be his OWN lawyer I'm in awe. And escaping multiple times, charming everyone around him despite purportedly having no understanding of why anyone would seek friendship (your ex girlfriend would sure like a word about how you'd never seek company), his rampant misogyny, blame avoidance, need to relive his crimes, success in studying psychology (and talking others down from suicide, which I genuinely believe he did for the thrill of the challenge honestly) and staunch refusal to apply it to himself in any meaningful way (beyond saying PORN MADE MY BRAIN EVIL), oh boy. oh boy. HOooo boy.

Anyway. Were he alive, and I were asked to take on his case (yes, as if, I know): I'd probably laugh a little hysterically at being confronted with that. Also, I find him to be one of the least pitiable, most vile, hypocritical trashbags of the lot, so I might have a defeatist attitude there. I dunno. He always rubbed me straight up the wrong way.

#stop talking about true crime they say #answered #long rant oops

[pidgebeifong]

atla characters as bnha characters (part 2)

Post-redemption arc Zuko (aka thank-god-ur-not-bald-anymore) as Todoroki Shouto

if you didn’t see this one coming idk what to tell you

Daddy Issues™

emotionally scarring burn on left eye inflicted by a parent

Co-Presidents of the Shitty Dads Club

gorgeous, sweet, out of ur league

have to be at least friendship level 3 to unlock Mysterious Tragic Backstory

fire powers that they wouldn’t use/lost the ability to use for a while

hot (both literally and figuratively)

the favourites of their fandoms

Socially Awkward™

both have a sweet & kind friend who’s partly the reason they’re not angsty and emo anymore, everyone say thank you midoriya for giving us the todoroki we have today (give me platonic!zukaang/tododeku or give me death)

started out friendless and now they have like six bffs

‘farther is for physical distance, further is for metaphorical distance, and father is for emotional distance’

Pre-redemption arc Zuko (aka what-the-fuck-is-that-ponytail) as Bakugou Katsuki

weird hair

Angery Bois™

im sorry they both look like really angry pomeranians i can’t take them seriously

‘you wanna go?! you wanna fuckin go?!’ tell me that isn’t the entirety of bakugou’s dialogue summed up in two sentences

‘let me see what you have’ ‘A KNIFE’ ‘NO’

torments the hell out of peace-loving main protagonist & hunts them down

both have had their lives saved (kinda? at least deku tried) by the main protagonist when they were still assholes

have father figures (kinda? does all might count?) who just want them to stop being fucking assholes and make the right decisions for once but do these dumbasses listen? no

have kidnapped someone/been the one who got kidnapped

100% would recommend anger management therapy. pls for the love of god sort out ur deep-rooted issues

repressed gays

zuko gets a pass bc of his emo tragic backstory but honestly baku was such a jerk to deku in szn 1 for literally no reason. fuck you bakugou

Azula as Dabi (aka Todoroki Touya, we all know it’s true at this point)

yes i have a special place in my heart for villains with blue fire and tragic backstories, what about it

figuratively and literally hotter than their siblings (don’t @ me y’all know it’s true)

the ‘evil’ sibling one of whom was actually just misguided and whose redemption arc i’m still waiting for, but i’m not going to elaborate on that bc the way the atla writers handled azula just makes me mad & I’ll end up talking forever about it

fathers majorly fucked them up (ozai was abusive to azula, fight me)

kinda psycho

god if dabi really does turn out to be a todoroki and still doesn’t get a redemption arc i am suing. my heart cannot take this pain again

their most popular ships are both gay with a person who’s the complete opposite of them and have/will inevitably betray them in the end (tyzula, hot wings. manga readers know what i’m talking about but i don’t think dabi/hawks is too popular a ship with anime-only fans yet)

Ty Lee as Ashido Mina

pink!!! pinkity pink pink

bubbly and fun, peppy attitudes

‘be gay do crimes’

actually incredibly dangerous and formidable even though they don’t really look like it (can you imagine fighting someone who can literally paralyze your entire body with a few punches? or shoot honest-to-god acid at you? we stan two (2) queens)

really flexible and good at sports (ty lee’s acrobatics, mina’s hip hop dancing)

both part of iconic squads (ozai’s angels, the bakusquad)

both their squads have a kinda mean leader (azula, bakugou)

don’t really take criticisms too harshly and always brush off mean comments by azula or bakugou with a smile

yeah i don’t really have a lot to say about them bc they don’t have a lot of screen time (we were robbed) but they’re cool

Mai as Aizawa-Sensei

110% done with ur shit

Did Not Sign Up For This

the OG emos

*drives up to mcdonalds with ten kids in the backseat clamouring for fries, orders one (1) black coffee and leaves*

every day their will to live dies a little more

neither of them have bending/powers that are useful in combat so they’ve both learnt to be really good at fighting the traditional way, without bending or quirks

just let them sleep ffs

kinda hot when they’re fighting

dragged into dangerous situations by the main characters when they just want to mind their own business and take a nap

‘wake me up (wake me up inside)’

Uncle Iroh as All Might

father figures

cheerful, jovial, always there to save the day

very powerful & strong

kinda old

both have antagonistic relationships with the ‘abusive fathers in power’ in each of their respective series

you probably can’t tell but i really don’t like iroh (even tho i adore all might) so it’s kind of hard to find good stuff to say about him, but i’m trying

give good advice that’s useless anyway bc the protagonists literally never follow it

both adopt a young boy who isn’t actually their kid but whom they have a closer relationship with than the boy’s actual dad has with the boy

train that young boy to become their successor

Fire Lord Ozai as Endeavour (aka human pieces of shit)

FUUUUUUCCCCKKK YOOOUUUU

burn in hell

apologise to your fucking kids

why was end*avour given a redemption arc in the manga that’s just as bad as h*ggar getting that stupid fucking redemption arc in voltron, makes absolutely zero (0) sense

good at one (1) thing and it’s giving their kids emotional trauma that they’ll have to carry around for the rest of their lives

have stupid beards and moustaches that makes them look like paedophiles

being indirectly/directly responsible for burns on their sons’ left eyes

hold on a sec i’ll be right back just give me a moment, i gotta go punt these dickheads into the mfing sun

if they were dying of hunger and i had a feast in front of me, i’d tell my servants to burn the leftovers

Princess Ursa as Todoroki Rei

both forced into marriages because of their bloodline/powers that would make their future kids strong

had abusive husbands who were very powerful and feared

scarred their kids (literally)

disappeared from the household while their kids were still young due to an incident where they killed/harmed a family member (ursa poisoned fire lord azulon, rei scalded shouto’s eye)

had a child/children who was/were disregarded in favour of the child who was favoured bc of their abnormally strong powers

unintentionally abusive (ursa fucked azula up bad, don’t @ me)

idk what else to say we got like two and a half seconds of screentime in total for each of them

Bonus:

Emo Zuko (like even more than normal) as Tokoyami Fumikage

professional Edgelords™ such darkness

so drama

very emo

Sparky Sparky Boom Man as Bakugou Katsuki (aka sparky sparky boom boi)

boom boom time to die

#avatar the last airbender #atla #prince zuko #zuko #azula #princess azula #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #todoroki shouto #shouto todoroki #bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugou #all might #uncle iroh #endeavor #fire lord ozai #tokoyami fumikage #mai #ty lee #ashido mina #mina ashido #fumikage tokoyami #ozai’s angels #princess ursa #rei todoroki #dabi #todoroki touya #sparky sparky boom man

[miggydiaz]

I was tagged by @thugheadjones. Thanks, dear! 1. what is the color of your hairbrush? White, with a gray handle that has since been dyed purple due to my hair

2. name a food you never eat: I hated broccoli as a kid, so I tried it recently as an adult... it still tastes like what dirty socks smell like so I’ll pass, thanks.

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? Too cold -- I am a hoodie in the summer kind of person.

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? Eating a breakfast so late that it crossed over from brunch to lunch.

5. what’s your favorite candy bar? Uh... I’m not really a candy *bar* person. I like sour candy more, but I guess if I had to choose, something dark chocolate. Just not a Mounds because I hate coconut.

6. have you ever been to a professional sports game? A couple of baseball games. Both of them the Tigers won! (this is unusual, as the Tigers typically suck)

7. what is the last thing you said out loud?  “How do I get this stupid thing to go away?” It was a sign-in banner on my word document for OneDrive.

8. what is your favorite ice cream? Orange Sherbet, or uh, coffee/chocolate chip cookie dough. It really depends on my mood.

9. what was the last thing you had to drink? Coffee

10. do you like your wallet? Yeah! It’s this bat wing clutch one from Blackcraft Cult. Plenty of card space, the license spot isn’t a pain in the ass... it’s a good one. 30 bucks well spent.

11. what is the last thing you ate? Waffles.

12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? Nope. I basically refitted my wardrobe this year though.

13. what’s the last sporting event you watched? Uh... oh, a Michigan/Ohio State football game two years ago? Michigan lost, just like they have the last million years. I gave up on football after that.

14. what is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Just a normal butter popcorn. Or I like popcorn covered in toffee.

15. who is the last person you sent a text message to? @starryeyedagony. It was a link to the Johnny Lawrence himbo video.

16. ever been camping? Once! It was fun, I’d do it again.

17. do you take vitamins? ... I know I should, but no.

18. do you regularly attend a place of worship? Not even a little bit. Not even at all.

19. do you have a tan? HAHAHAHAHAHA. Ha. Ha. No. Never.

20. do you prefer Chinese or pizza? Two years ago, I probably would’ve said pizza. Now I’m all about Chinese.

21. do you drink your soda through a straw? In restaurants? You guys remember restaurants? But no. I actually prefer canned soda.

22. what color socks do you usually wear? black. 90% of my sock drawer is black.

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? I haven’t drove in years, but when I did... yes.

24. what terrifies you? Bees and all of their horrible cousins. Bumble, honey (I know they are good, I don’t kill them, I just run away) wasp, hornet, yellow jacket... basically, if it is black and yellow and flying then I am GONE.

25. look to your left, what do you see?  My bookcase, reminding me that I should be finishing up this critical analysis of formulaic violence against women in pop culture, but YA KNOW.

26. what chore do you hate most? Cleaning the tub is up there, but I do dishes more often, so I hate that one the most.

27. what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? The old Foster’s beer commercials.

28. what’s your favorite soda? I like pomegranate italian sodas the best. Mainstream wise? Probably Squirt or Sprite.

29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Plague means I don’t go inside anymore, but it used to depend on whether or not the drive-thru line was too long.

30. what’s your favorite number? 13. Yes I am an overgrown edgelord. I was also supposed to be born on the 13th though, so there is that.

31. who’s the last person you talked to? @starryeyedagony over our brunch/lunch

32. favorite meat? Probably chicken these days. Unless I’m eating chinese because my go to dish anymore is mongolian beef.

33. last song you listened to? Uh, Come Little Children while watching Hocus Pocus. But I’ve had this Wear a Mask parody of Be Our Guest stuck in my head all day (thanks for reminding me that I have to start Season 2 of TLK though!).

34. last book you read? Darkness at Noon by Arthur Koestler. I’m finishing up Superwomen: Gender, Power, and Representation by Carolyn Cocoa

35. favorite day of the week? The day I don’t have to worry about this election bullshit anymore (I am keeping that answer because this election cycle has me so drained, can it just be November 3rd already?)

36. can you say the alphabet backwards? Yep. I can sing it backwards too.

37. how do you like your coffee? Hot, in my favorite mug with my initial on it, with some vanilla or hazelnut flavored almond milk.

38. favorite pair of shoes? My purple-black glittery converse.

39. time you normally get up? Somewhere between 9 and 11 depending on whether it’s a week day or a weekend day.

40. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? Sunsets for sure (because I’m awake to appreciate them)

41. how many blankets are on your bed? I have one fuzzy blanket, one knit blanket, two down comforters, and a quilted velvet coverlet. So, 5 altogether.

42. describe your kitchen plates? white. Corelle. Google tells me the pattern is called South Beach. It has teal dots along the rim.  

43. describe your kitchen at the moment: Cluttered. There isn’t enough counter space in the world for all of my kitchen appliances. Probably warm since @starryeyedagony is making pork mole right now.

44. do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? I can’t really drink anymore (thanks heart condition!) but it used to be whiskey, neat, or in a whiskey sour. Or a glass of pinot grigio.

45. do you play cards? I’m decent at poker/black jack, but card games like Uno and Phase 10 are a different story.

46. what color is your car? I don’t own one. My roommate’s car is maroon? A dark red.

47. can you change a tire? I haven’t in probably 10 years, but yes.

48. your favorite state or province? To be quite honest with you, if it wasn’t for the people, I would love my home state of Michigan. I don’t live there anymore, but even though Detroit gets a bad rap, I miss my home <3 But outside of that, Minnesota was really pretty, and I actually like Florida (again, minus the people). Probably Florida since I’ve been there more than Minnesota. 

49. favorite job you’ve had? I used to work in this movie/video game/music resale shop that I loved. All of my coworkers were cool, we always had fun at work... aside from that though, I loved working holiday retail at Williams-Sonoma when ours was still open, and I actually really liked my most recent job at the university. I’m hoping I can go back (laid off... THANKS COVID) once they’re allowed to hire again.

If you want to, I’m tagging @starryeyedagony, @magicknightblue, @poloniumicecream, @magnetic-rose, and uh, anyone else who wants to do this.

#not cobra kai #tag game #about me #procrastinating......

[smokeybrand]

Breaking the Rules

So the Snyder Cut finally dropped. Four hours of Snyderisms like slow-mo, dumb kinetic camera work, and relentless edge. Now, I'm a card-carrying Marvel shill. Been real transparent about it for years. Marvel is my sh*t and Spider-Man is my favorite superhero. That said, i do like DC. I always give them a fair shake. Hell, my favorite capeflick is The Dark Knight. I even like Watchmen and that was a slog to get through. I’ve seen every film in the DCEU and they have left me wanting. A lot of DC heads write off my opinion because of my Marvel bias but let’s be serious; The DCEU is inferior to the MCU in almost every way. As it is, the DCEU needs to be better. It needs better storytellers. It needs a better plan. It needs a Feige. Snyder is not that dude and i don’t think Wan is either. I think WB and ATT have to figure out a way to coalesce this sh*t because it’s all wonky, especially now that we have this Snyder Cut. I’ve already reviewed a Justice League before so all of the observations i made about performances in that, stand. This is more what i think this version does better and worse.

The Better

This opening is much better and makes more sense. That Super Death Wail as the principal genesis of Steppenwolf’s conflict, the thing that wakes that first Motherbox, makes way more sense that whatever the f*ck Whedon did.

This thing definitely looks so much more gorgeous that that first run. Zack Snyder can’t plot a story to save his life but this motherf*cker can compose a shot, for real. Snyder is an idea man, a cat that just wants to make cool looking sh*t, but this ain’t the medium for that. You can have all the beautiful shots in the world but if they are tied together by a shoestring of a narrative, then it’s just polished sh*t, you know?

The extended Aquaman intro was outstanding. Whedon didn’t let this scene breath and, seeing it as it was intended, that was a mistake. Seeing this version of Justice League kind of makes Josstice League in it’s entirety, a mistake. It’s weird that this was cut because it’s so good and shows so much more of Arthur.

Jeremy Iron’s Alfred continues to be my second favorite Alfred after Michael Caine. Sorry, Michael Gough...

Wonder Woman’s first scene in this, the one with the terrorists, is ridiculous. This one scene is a perfect example of the difference between the two versions of this film. Snyder’s is better, if way more brutal than it needed to be. Still, i love the warrior version of Diana so I'm good with this.

Speaking of Amazons, Snyder, apparently, put them in more clothes this time around? I couldn’t really see for sure because of the color correction but it didn’t seem like they weren’t rocking those iron bikinis like in the Whedon cut. I think Joss Whedon might be a bit more problematic than we think. Between the half naked chicks, the way he kept sexualizing Diana, the fact that there are no people of color in his version or the way he shortchanged the entirety of Cyborg’s plot... Breh.

Steppenwolf is SO much more menacing in this version of the movie. Dude feels like a force, like a proper threat an not just some stop-gap for something better. Ol’ Wolfie was a decent antagonist for an initial run at an Avengers-esque team up for the DCEU. Definitely more Loki this time around and less Ultron like the first time.

Also, the Parademons look much more dope. The first time, they looked like fodder. This time, they actual felt like a force, like a horde.

Hey, we got an Atom sighting!

Not a ton of Iris West but enough to wet my appetite. Anytime i get to see Kiersey Clemons in stuff, I'm happy. Having it tied to an outstanding sequence demonstrating Flash’s powers was just icing on the cake. Seriously, Snyder did a great job visualizing Barry’s abilities. That scene where he saved everyone from the debris and then the subtle reversing of time; All of it was dope to see.

Are those Starros that Steppenwolf is using to “interrogate” the cats with Motherbox stink on them? They look like little mechanical Starros. I hope they’re Starros.

Lots of Cyborg stuff. Like, intricate Cyborg stuff. The sh*t Whedon cut of Vic was instrumental to the coherency of this story and dude was just like, “Nah.” It’s no wonder that version of the movie doesn’t make any f*cking sense.

Hey, we got a Spectre sighting! Nice.

The explanation for the Motherboxes and their mcguffin-ness goes a long way to soothing the whole “resurrecting Superman” thing. Snyder basically tells the audience they’re magic boxes that can do anything because of magic-technology. It’s a little ridiculous considering what Motherboxes actually do in the comics but whatever. It makes sense in this universe i guess.

All of the action scenes are better. All of them. Snyder is nothing if not a cat that can actualize a dope punch-out. Dude can’t get out of his own way when telling a story but if you need a fight scene, Snyder is definitely your guy.

Speaking of, that climax was WAY better. It carried far more weight and there were times when the heroes felt like they could lose. There’s an unrelenting tension that grips you hard and doesn’t let up until it finally does. I appreciated this way more than the first one, even if it’s dumb edgy for no reason.

The Worst

Zack still doesn’t understand these characters, man. It’s very apparent to me that a lot of this is just window dressing for kind of a Zack Snyder fan fic version of DC and that’s fine i guess? Sh*t’s not my cup of tea but a great many people seem to like it. Dude’s writing can definitely be tighter and he can skew a little more toward the heart of these characters but i mean, it’s called Zack Snyder’s Justice league for a reason.

The Snyderisms, man, they are all over this thing. Look, i just don’t like how Zack makes movies. Too much style, not enough substance, or rather, not enough focus. He has a ton of great ideas but gets too bogged down in how sh*t looks, or tumbles down his rabbit hole of concept but never expresses any of them clearly enough. Outside of 300 or Dawn of the Dead, this film is probably the most focused I've ever seen Snyder and it’s still kind of all over the place yet, never where it needs to be.

So many plot holes, man. Less than before, but so many threads left untied.

This thing didn’t need to be four hours long. Not even close. There were several shots that i thought could have been cut. Like, that three hour version which got the standing ovation was probably the best version of Justice League and we’ll never see it. This version is definitely better than the theatrical run but f*ck is it long. You really feel that sh*t, too.

Cyborg still looks gross to look at. You’d think they’d try and make his weird, angular, body look a bit better upon the redo but nope. This what we get i guess.

Also, why the f*ck the Atlanteans sound British? Why they make Amber Heard do that accent? She can’t do that accent, man. You’re actually asking a chick who’s professionally pretty to act and she can’t act. She’s just pretty. That actually brings up an interesting question; Is Aquaman canon to this universe because Mera in that doesn’t have an accent and her Pops is still alive. This one has an accent and her parents are dead. Or maybe the accent makes it easier to recast Heard later with a British actress? Maybe the Mother of Dragons really is about to be the Queen of the Seas?

Why is this Knightmare sequence in here? Sure, it was awesome to see, pure fan service, but this is the blue balls of blue balls because we don’t have a movie to follow this one. This is it. This is all the Justice League we’re getting. There is no part two or whatever. Why even hint at something more?

The Verdict

There’s a lot to like about this version of Justice League. It is, hands down, better than Josstice League in almost every way. Sh*t is a better film, man, and should have been what we got to begin with. WB did Snyder a disservice by letting him go and then letting Whedon butcher his movie. I don’t like Snyder’s take on DC. I think it’s try-hard, edgelord, nonsense but it is it’s own thing and i commend him for that. Dude has a vision and I'll never take away from from a creative’s inspiration. That said, this thing was a slog to get through. It’s definitely better than what we got before but it’s still not that great and it’s way too long. Three hours is more than enough to tell this story if you make prudent cuts. Still, I’m glad it exists and, if you’re a fan of this world, a fan of Snyder’s work, you’ll love it. For me, as a cat who has no skin in this game, I'm not all that impressed. Per usual, Snyder has too many ideas and that leaves the plot unfocused and meandering at times. In a genre that is predicated on storytelling, you can’t be a bad storyteller like that and just gloss over it with spectacle. That’s disingenuous. At the end of the day, it was entertaining. It was pretty to see. It was a Snyder film.