#started my period today so thats probably why | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

honeytonedhottie · 5 months

Text

how to isolate and grow⋆.ೃ࿔*:･💶

quick disclaimer : when i say "isolate" i dont mean the negative connotation of self isolation where you push everyone away, i mean the laying back and rly focusing and tapping into urself BY yourself.

accessibility : limit people's accessibility to you, or narrow down how many people you allow to access you. ur energy is SACRED ur time is a privilege. its important that ur no longer looking for outlets in people.

during this time of stepping back and being super picky with how and who u spend ur time with its the perfect opportunity to separate urself from the toxicity that some people in ur life might bring. in that same breath, its easier said for friends then it is for family members because when u think isolation ur probably thinking of being a home-body which is a part of it. but if ur home is whats making u sick then try and spend time AWAY of the home to do whatever u need to do.

self awareness and responsibility : take a moment and be truly objective with urself. practice having the difficult conversations with urself. u know ur goals, but are u the person that can have those goals? and if not, how can u get to become that person.

this is also the time to address things that you've been sweeping under the rug. address anything thats starting to become a problem and address bigger problems in ur life. we wanna be able to take responsibility for ourselves and PROBLEM SOLVE. be super clear on what u wanna focus on during ur self isolation period and WHY you are choosing to do this.

find a mentor : find someone who resonates with you, whether it be online or in person, who is living the life that YOU wanna live or living a life similar to one that u wanna live. u dont have to have just one mentor, it can be multiple mentors for different aspects of ur life that u wanna improve. ur mentors dont even need to know you honestly, just someone u look up to

detox ur brain : mental diet. mindset is EVERYTHING as you know if you've been consuming my content lately. everything and i mean EVERYTHING begins in the brain. the thoughts that u think today will be what u experience tomorrow. speak to urself nicely, throw away old thoughts that dont align with ur dreams and replace them with positive ones thru repetition, fixed attention and practice

do brain dumps before u go to bed, its good to get out all of the thoughts in ur head before u go to sleep, out of ur brain and onto a piece of paper or something else in general. it doesn't have to be in a negative connotation either, write down ideas that pass thru ur head, goals, inspirations etc.

clean out : anything that u tend to cling to, whether its devices, drugs, drinking etc. practice fasting from it. it doesn't have to be extreme, just taking a break from it REGULARLY will improve it so much. an analogy i like to use for gradual change like this is with a rubber band. if u stretch the rubber band as far as it can go too quickly then it'll break, however if u gradually stretch the rubber band little by little, you can stretch it super far and it won't break.

experimentation : while ur self isolating this is the perfect opportunity to experiment with ur physical. dye ur hair a color that you've always been wanting it to. grow ur hair a couple inches, take extra good care of ur skin, experiment with different clothing styles. become ur own MUSE.

with that being said i wish everyone luck and blessings as you isolate and grow 🫶🏽

#self concept #advice #it girl #becoming that girl #self care #self love #that girl #it girl energy #dream girl #dream life #dream girl tips #girl blogger #hyperfemininity #self development #self improvement #self growth #self reflection #honeytonedhottie

1K notes · View notes

jake-kiszkas-smirk · 1 year

Text

Soft and Sweet

Danny Wagner X fem reader

18+only, minors DNI

This is a period Sex fic so if its not your jam, scroll

Warnings: blood, fingering (fem rec), oral (fem rec), unprotected sex, hair pulling if you squint? I think thats it!

You groaned as you finally mustered the motivation to make your way into the kitchen. Moments ago your stomach had growled and you felt a spark of joy when you remembered your leftovers in the fridge.

You padded across the cold floor and opened the fridge door so your eyes could scan the shelves. You felt your irritation building as you moved some stuff around but still didn't see your coveted snack. You looked behind you, only to see the empty to-go box sitting in the trash. You clenched your jaw as you shut the fridge, stomped off to the bedroom and slammed the door. You were livid and hurt all at the same time. You knew it was probably because you were about to start your period any day now, and your emotions were a smidge amplified, but that didn't change how you felt. You settled back on to the bed and pulled the pillow to your chest,

"Babe..." You heard a soft knock on the door before it slowly opened, Danny peaking his head inside.

Chin propped on the pillow and tears brimming in your eyes you looked to him. You knew that your brows were furrowed, and that you probably looked more angry than necessary. You and him usually shared leftovers, how could he have known that eating yours today would send you over the edge.

"Whats wrong?" he asked as he walked over to the bed, sitting at the end of it.

"It's nothing." You replied as you wiped your tears and turned away,

"It's clearly not 'nothing'" He shifted to laying on his side, reaching for your ankle and brushing his thumb over it lovingly. "Tell me,"

You knew internally if you talked about it you would probably cry, always crying when you felt irritated was so...irritating.

"I-" You started and your lip began to quiver as tears began to fall, "I don't feel good because I'm cramping, and- and I finally felt like eating, and-" You took in a shaky breath, "And I went to the kitchen to get my leftovers and-" Danny cut you off with a sigh,

"And they were gone, because I ate them" He said in a defeated tone, forehead falling to the comforter for a moment before he looked back to you, "Baby, I'm so sorry, I should have asked first" He moved up the bed and you turned away as more tears fell, him apologizing only making you feel more ashamed of your little outburst.

He positioned himself on his stomach between your legs, arms resting over each of your thighs as he pulled his phone out, resting his hands lightly on your stomach,

"Look, I can fix this right now" he said calmly. A few minutes later he tossed his phone to the side, "See, fixed" You gave him a confused look,

"What?"

"I ordered you more, silly" He said as he slipped one of his hands under your shirt, rubbing your lower belly softly, "Why didn't you tell me you were feeling bad?"

You shrugged as you relaxed a little further into the pillows, his warm hand already soothing you. "It's not really your problem,"

"Well, I know that, but if I'm aware I can try and help" his soft brown eyes stayed locked on yours,

"I don't really think there is anything you can do babe" You replied as you reached forward to push his bangs out of his face.

"Hmm" He hummed as he pulled your shirt up slightly and lowered his head to kiss your stomach right below your naval, "I don't think thats entirely true," his lips brushed over your skin, moving to the next spot he wanted to adorn with kisses,

You thought you were maybe following him, but weren't sure, so you stayed quiet, waiting for him to elaborate as you melted further into the soft sheets

"After you had those worse than usual cramps last month I looked up some things that could help," His hands began running up and down your thighs as he spoke between kisses, "And sex was on the list" he said plainly, but you could hear the lust starting to lace his tone,

"Yeah?" You asked, already starting to lose your breath

"Yeah," he moved to stand as he tugged his shirt over his head and started to undo his jeans, "And I love fucking you and making you cum for me on a normal day....but knowing I'm helping you....I don't know why but it's only making me want it more" his jeans dropped to the floor and your eyes raked over him, landing on the way he was lightly palming himself through his briefs. He pulled the hand away and your gaze followed it, catching the smirk on his face as he pulled his hair into a messy bun atop his head.

"Get comfortable angel," He said as he carefully tugged you a little further down the bed so that you were completely on your back. "Can I take these off?" he grabbed the hem of your shorts.

"Please" you murmured with a nod. You lifted your hips as he slipped them down your legs, leaving you in just your panties and old worn t-shirt. After tossing your shorts to the floor he climbed up the bed, slotting his body between your legs and hovering over you. You watched him intently with parted lips, always entranced by him. He planted one hand next to your head on the mattress, and the other he used to caress your face, thumb lightly tugging at your bottom lip,

"Hi" He said with a smile, probably admiring the daze you were already in over him,

You started to answer but were cut off when he rutted his hips against your center, a whine leaving your lips instead of your reply,

"Oh, listen to you," He crooned, leaning down to brush his nose against yours, simultaneously pressing himself against you again, this time moving to swallow your moan with a deep kiss,

You wrapped your arms around him, hands splayed on his back as his tongue was sliding against yours. His back muscles shifting under your touch mixed with the friction of him against you...it all had you reeling, wetness quickly forming between your legs,

Lost in the kiss you weren't even aware that his hand had left your face until it was teasing at the top of your panties, you lifted your hips off the bed, trying to urge him lower,

"Y/n," He broke the kiss, locking eyes with you "Relax, I know what you want, and I want it just as bad, so trust me when I say we'll both be getting what we want tonight," He gave you a soft wink and then moved to kiss your jaw, "Ok?"

"Mhmm" You nodded and moved one hand up his back to tangle in the hair at the nape of his neck, your grip tightening as he slipped his fingers beneath the soft cotton, running them through the slick he found there,

He groaned, hot breath fanning against your neck as he pressed a finger into you, "You-You're so wet" he pulled his hand away just to add another finger and curl them back into you, "Pull your shirt up for me angel, wanna see your pretty tits"

You quickly obliged, using your free hand to tug your shirt up as best you could, keeping your other hand on Danny's neck as if that was keeping him tethered to you. He shifted, moving to put more weight on his knees so he could connect his mouth to your breast, wasting no time before sucking your nipple into his mouth,

"god, I love your mouth so much" you admitted as you tossed your head back against the pillow, smiling when you felt Danny laugh softly against your skin,

“My mouth loves you too” he moved to your other nipple, lavishing it with just as much attention as the first, “You’re so soft and sweet...everywhere” he traveled lower, leaving sloppy kisses on your belly as you squirmed beneath him, his fingers still working you, “but the softest and sweetest part of all, is right here between these gorgeous legs of yours” he made a point to brush your clit with his thumb for emphasis, causing a loud moan to break from your chest,

Remaining on your back you reached down, trying to get your panties off and hurry him along, dying for him to get his mouth on you where you wanted it most,

He took the hint, sitting back on his knees and tugging your panties down, pausing when he got them around your thighs, you lifted your head and were mortified to find him staring at the fingers he’d pulled from you, now coated in red.

“Oh my god I’m-“ you started to sit up frantically, reaching to pull the material back up your legs, halting when he spoke,

“Please don’t make me stop” he said, voice needy and desperate as he moved to stop your hand, “I-I don’t want to make you uncomfortable but...I want to keep going”

At a momentary loss for words you fell back onto the mattress, taking in the man in front of you, his cock straining against his boxers and his eyes boring into yours as he waited for your reply. You knew you should be embarrassed, or ashamed, but you weren't. All you could think about was how safe you felt with him, and how hot it was that he was so into this that he wanted to keep going,

"You can keep going..if you're sure.."

"I'm fucking sure" he rushed out before laying between your legs and slipping his fingers back into you. That, you had anticipated, but you weren't prepared for him to lower his face and wrap his lip around your swollen clit, eyes fluttering shut as he did

"Danny!" You gasped, reaching down to him "You don't have to-"

He intercepted your hand, lacing his fingers with yours and peering at you through his dark lashes, silently reassuring you he wanted this. You nodded a little, more to yourself than to him, and he closed his eyes again.

Taking a deep breath you opted to get out of your head, to just let your body feel everything that was happening. His thumb rubbing over the back of your hand, the way he gripped it a little tighter when you'd squirm around, the way his tongue was flicking against your bundle of nerves, his skilled fingers massaging that spot deep inside you he knew so well. The knot in your lower stomach was quickly tightening at an alarming rate,

A pitiful high pitch noise slipped out of you at a particularly pointed flick of his tongue, your back arching off the mattress. You looked down to the man between your legs just in time to see his eyes rolling back over the sounds he was coaxing from you, his hips moving against the mattress at a languid pace. Seeing that- seeing him this far gone because he's lost in you..

"I- oh god-" your free hand moved on instinct to his hair, eyes clamping shut as you shamelessly held him tightly against you "I'm gonna cum"

His answering moan vibrated against you as you came, his fingers and tongue working you through it as he watched you come undone for him.

As the fog cleared and you worked to steady your breathing you opened your eyes and looked to him. He rose to his knees and pushed his boxers down, revealing his hard and leaking cock. You bit your bottom lip as he moved to climb over you once again, kicking the fabric off his ankles and bringing your attention to his face by tilting your chin.

"Oh" your eyes widened a little at the site of a little blood on his chin, "You uh- you have-" you felt your cheeks blushing brightly

He turned to glance in the vanity mirror, bringing his thumb to his chin and swiping it away. Turning back to you he brought his thumb to his mouth and licked it clean,

You took in a sharp breath, lips parting as you processed what you had just witnessed. A knowing grin formed on his face,

"Someone liked that," He groaned as he moved his hips, running his cock over your sensitive center, "How do you feel? Think you can give me one more?"

You nodded as he leaned down and kissed your jaw, then your cheek, and then brought his lips to yours, swiping his tongue into your mouth, the mild coppery taste of blood sending a thrill through your body. You both groaned as he sunk his thick length inside you,

"Fuck, I-" He broke the kiss and shook his head, forehead falling to your lips, his hand cradling your head as he held you close "I don't think I'm going to last long, it feels to goddamn good angel"

A shaky breath left you as you wrapped your legs around him, grinding against him with each deep thrust. You weren't sure if it was because of your period that had everything feeling heightened..but you were quickly approaching another orgasm,

"Keep going, slow and deep-" you whimpered, "Just like that"

He nuzzled his face into your neck, humming his agreement as he continued his long tantalizing strokes, pushing as deep as he could with each grind of your hips up to meet him,

"Come on sweet girl, let me have it" his strained voice telling you just how hard he was trying not to finish, "Cum pretty for me so I can fill you up"

A strangled moan filled the room, nails raking down his back as your high washed over you, pulling you under and enveloping you completely. You were vaguely aware of the quiet grunts gracing your ears as Danny came with you, hips stuttering as he twitched inside you.

After a few moments of you catching your breath, Danny rolled off of you and laid on his back,

"So," He said with a smile, looking to you

"Yeah," You laughed nervously, "Sorry about the sheets-"

"I don't care about the sheets y/n" He assured you, rubbing a hand up and down your thigh, "I guess I meant did it help?"

"Oh, I didn't even remember thats why-" You both giggled as he turned towards you, pulling you close, "Yes, it helped"

"Good," He pressed a kiss to your forehead,

"You weren't like...grossed out?" You asked, genuinely curious for his answer

"Not at all," He paused, blushing a little "Is it weird to say I was a little into it?"

"I don't think so..." Your words trailed off, "Does this mean you're gonna want to jump my bones every time I'm on my period?" You teased and he rolled his eyes playfully,

"I want to jump your bones all the time" he replied, that crooked smile making your heart skip a beat.

You both jumped at the sound of a knock on the door,

"Oh shit, the food" Danny jumped up, grabbing a towel to wrap around his waist

"Danny!" You laughed, "You can't answer the door like that"

He looked down to realize his appearance, "Right," running to the bathroom to quickly rinse his face and hand,

"Why don't you hop in the shower and I'll join you after I get the food," He suggested,

"Sounds good" you got up and quickly gathered the sheets and tossed them into the hamper to be dealt with later.

After both of you had a showered you found yourself on the couch, enjoying your long-awaited food, warm and content cuddled into the side of the man who always made sure you had everything you needed.

#greta van fleet #greta van smut #danny wagner #gvf #danny wagner smut #greta van fleet fan fiction

279 notes · View notes

morirryan · 3 months

Text

uhhh vent?

my tics got so bad today i had to leave school bcs of how painful it was no matter if i ticced or suppressed. they are usually manageable at school but not today i guess

and then my mom doesn't even asks if i'm alright the first thing she asks is why i don't take my meds and well first of all i had no way of knowing they would get so much worse so quick when they've been pretty mild for the past month and i'm only supposed to take the meds for the periods when i tic a lot not all the time)

and second of all i'm saving them for when my exams start (we don't really have such thing as accomodations in my country esp for tic disorders so i'll just have to suck it up), which i tell her and then she proceedes to tell me "well we can just go to your neurologist so she can fill your prescription again" and i wish that was this easy but the situation is am only able to go to a normal neurologist once a year and she actually prescribes me meds that help me at least somewhat and the one my mom refers to is the one i have the worst experiences imaginable with (i can't go to a different one till im an adult eh long story). so uh. yeah i don't even know why i wouldn't want to go to her surely it doesn't make it to the top 10 traumatic events when the last time i had an appointment with her you two acted like i wasn't even in the room, talked over me when _i_ tried to explain what's wrong with _me_, made fun of me and then she didn't even prescribe me that medication. yeah why wouldn't i want to go.

why can't we neurodivergent folk just have a normal experience with doctors don't we have enough on our plates already

at least in four months i'll be able to go to a different neurologist so thats something

this is probably incoherent i can't really uhh formulate sentences rn

#mori says stuff #tw vent #ableism #bad experience with doctors #tourettes #tic disorder #tics

10 notes · View notes

emanation-aura · 7 months

Note

Weird questions for writers, 19 and 38!

This is a response to this post about questions for writers!

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

Wow, so uh. Maybe this is a common origin story for writers my age, but I started out on Wattpad? It must have been about 2014-15 or so when I began; I have vivid memories of hopping off a flight and impatiently waiting to be driven home after vacation so that I could use my iPad to type the next chapter to my fic there, haha.

I started writing Pokemon fic, specifically of the X&Y Pokemon anime. I dunno if people here know this, but there used to be a fic genre there called "Ash gets betrayed by his friends" that was super popular, and I wrote a version of that too— it was my first fic (I named it "Heartbroken") and I made so many poor and melodramatic choices with it, but also i look back on it fondly. Some of the stylistic choices there survive in my writing there. Apart from that fic, I also wrote stuff for Star Wars Rebels, Percy Jackson, and Ranger's Apprentice (so typical YA stuff).

Why I started... well that's kind of difficult to answer, because I honestly I don't know. But it may have to do with that spidey-writing sense I get sometimes when reading or engaging with fiction, the desire for a story out of what I know.

There were a couple of major "incidents" that spurred me on the path of the fic writer: one was reading this AoT fic (tw graphic self-harm) and this Maze Runner fic (tw grief, suicide, psychological torture). Ok maybe this sounds bad on the surface but I am legitimately convinced that reading these at a young age made my writing style what it is today: a bit purple-prose-ish, slow and contemplative, chock-full of emotion and introspection, always, somehow, sad or angsty. (and they end up touching on the topics mentioned above, although most of the ones that do I don't publish.)

As for closer to the present... well, I really hit the ground running when I started writing Genshin fic. It's pretty much the beginning of my "modern style" (or stuff that I can read back through without cringing), and I want to keep developing that: writing sadness and grief and pain is deeply cathartic to me, and outside of lore studies, those are what I will be focusing on in the future. (...currently staring at the inordinate number of angst WIPs I have.)

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

In all honesty, most of my fic is kind-of vent fic, just more verbose and coherent that what the name 'vent-fic' tends to evoke. I need to be in a really specific kind of mood to write angst/hurt/comfort (my staple), and for a long period of time, I was perpetually in that state, which made creating... not easier, maybe, but something else that spurred it on. I'm not like that now, but the emotional intensity needed to create and convey hasn't left me, either.

Putting it this way: i need to find or set myself into a Mood(tm) to find my creative juices. It's weird because I can and do write when I'm mentally fine, but sometimes the low mood makes things sharper and easier to convey. These days, I usually put on music to do this: not just any generic songs I like but specifically stuff I've curated from listening non-stop 1000s of times before I keep it on the "dopamine injection" playlist. Stuff like that speaks to me in ways that makes me feel probably far too much, and it puts me in the right (or wrong, I guess?) state of mind to pour emotion onto the page. Cause thats what it is for me: if I don't feel emotionally destroyed by what I'm writing then what even is the point?

In lighter terms: anybody is free to ask stuff in general, not just from the question list, in my askbox whenever. Please. I love talking about writing (why write when I can talk about writing)

#fanfic meta

5 notes · View notes

obsessednotepad · 2 years

Text

ok its like 4 am when i’m writing this but I literally can’t sleep bc im thinking ABOUT THOSE STUPID FUCKING PUPPETS???

but also thanks for some of the attention on the last post it was way too long but im glad ppl liked reading some of the things that nest up in my brain instead of like useful information :)))

now that that’s said im gonna fuckin KEEP talking about THAT scene AGAIN bc I think a part of my brain still hasn’t comprehended what happened.

I’m not gonna repeat the whole scene again bc by now we’ve all memorized it but I just want to further emphasize WHAT THE FUCK IT (might) MEAN!!!

idk if im just like surrounded by depressing media (accurate) by the whole fucking idea of someone seeing YOU, perceiving YOU, as YOU are and learning to either live with it or grow to love it in so many different ways is like. going to make me vomit from the sentiment. that’s kinda why im so attached to the scene bc like damn. first you got that line. then you have the context. and then how it’s composed??? how it’s written?? makes it reach the fucking stars.

Idk how else to explain this. maybe im just like this bc I finally took a film and writing class and now am in full overdrive mode but hot damn. You might think it’s really fuckin weird to have two characters say something equal to “I see you” in the dark when those bitches hardly can see point blank period but......thats like the whole point!!

I don’t HAVE to see you physically to know that I CAN SEE YOU for who YOU are- I have seen you as the form you take but what it holds inside is something to stare at in awe.

how long? well it doesn’t matter, we’re in the dark and no one has to see a thing we do.

It’s also such an intimate and private moment without it being inherently sexual like in most media or films- I find it so sweet

and it’s not even that fuckin deep tho compared to some other scenes that I could look into but regardless I like this scene the most. yeah bc its like really gay (like...gay gay homosexual gay) but idk- its just such a connecting moment and I swear if we get another season and they do not remotely address it ever again I will probably start violently sobbing. :)

Edit: so uh I just saw some confirmation that one of the producers really enjoys the ship and is encouraging more of it so. Big win for the gays today.

#dhmis #obsessed thinks sometimes #jfc I could go all day and night apparently talking about these two mfs #dhmis red guy #dhmis duck #gayest motherfuckers you've ever seen #dhmis fluffybird #dhmis fandom

38 notes · View notes

wanderrlust0 · 9 months

Text

1/2

honestlyyy my bf is lucky to have me!! bc ive seen and heard things that i feel like another girl would probably not give him more chances or go off on him out of frustration. even his sister told me she’d do things differently. idk im not trying to shit on him at all bc hes a really good person and i love him very much and want to be with him for the rest of my life. i just know that if it was the other way around with all the things we both have done, he would notttt trust me and he already has trust issues. i mean im not perfect either..yes i have done some small things before, but it was without any personal feelings and any intimate physical touch. now, there is a lot of context and things for part of what he did and the situation we were stuck in so like its not as bad as it sounds.. but STILL lol im just thinking. like i know if one of us had to break up with each other it would def be him breaking up with me. i just know. theres already been times where he would sound like he would and he’d make all these confrontations feel so serious. also, hes still a man. yes hes he/they, masc presenting, but he still thinks like men. im not trying to offend anyone pls if literally anyone reads this far so ill explain what i mean. he did not have good luck with girls in hs and so he worked on himself to look better and then got the attention from girls he craved back then. got some experience, got a gf, got cheated on, got dating apps again but stayed fwb with his ex until calling it off when we started dating. i know he can move quickly with things and act on his high sexual drive. if anyone whos considered attractive gives him attention, he could entertain the idea or like he starts to compare me and itll make me feel like im not enough and dont match his lifestyle. i feel like its easier for him than me to start seeing people in a sexual way and want to get in their pants. idk if it could be like the female attention since he doesnt always feel good about himself and now that a pretty girl shows interest its like it gets to his ego. again, i sound like im shitting on him but im not, im just thinking i can type it all out and leave it here bc ive never talked about this or wrote about it. i found out today that he did stuff with his friend ~3 yrs ago while me & him were on a break and me and her are like friendly acquaintances and we went to her baby shower, gender reveal party, & he went to her wedding, all after they did it. he really only told me now bc her husband i guess just found out somehow and msgd my bf about it and said he’ll go msg me about it. he didnt want me to find out first thru someone else, which i appreciate that he was able to tell me first, but its also like okay damn they really did that. and yes it was years ago so i honestly didnt feel hurt about it i was just more shocked. like.. he was on a break with me and felt single and he says shes cheated before so it just happened with them and they didnt do it again. funny thing is that her husband was already suspicious of him years ago and thinking he was only friends with her to do stuff and now shit, he was partially right. honestly, thats a dumb mistake on her end, like she was engaged or almost engaged at the time. also, for the record, he hooked up with (for what i know now) 2 other people during that time period, so 3 within our 1 month break. one didnt involve any feelings i presume and the other one had a shit ton bc they went on actual dates and shit and she ended it bc they both or just she didnt wanna settle. she was 3 yrs younger than him and yes.. i did stalk her a bit bc i needed to know, why her, who she is, etc. and i could already tell she got around..but whatever, i already coped from that lol. back to his friend, he knows she was with someone & he knows her man already didnt like him. even tho she didnt care, he still went along with it bc hes been wanting to do that since the day they became friends. it all makes sense. he met her in school when he was still with his ex so i dont have anything to say about that part but like, again…

#journal #mypost #continued in the comments

5 notes · View notes

allamericansbitch · 10 months

Note

heyy sarah! (It’s a question about social interaction)

you know anti hero? I’m the problem it’s me? since this song came out I started having some self analysis and I realized that most of my social anxiety comes to the fact that when I talk most people tend to ignore me. I’m not saying anything bad, negative or mean, I’m just keeping the conversation but somehow when I talk I tend to be ignored.

And today happened something quite like a last straw, we were in a group and everybody was talking about how one piece of the furniture was missing and how it probably got lost in the moving and I said “it’s here, the pieces are here” and everybody ignored so I said again, louder ignored. I said one last time after a while, ignored. That was so weird. And they kept talking about how it was a shame having to buy everything again and then I think I snapped :/and said “why are you ignoring me? The pieces are here” and then instead of acknowledging it, they changed the subject. I felt like I was nothing.

And I know that it’s something in me, you know? Bc it’s really common to people ignore me, it happened in my family, at school and more. People easily talk over me and more. I try really hard to participate, to be positive, be understanding but there’s something I’m not seeing and I want to get better, could you share your thoughts? Appreciate it 🙏

go im so sorry this is something that happens so often to you that it's just not surprising anymore. sadly, as a pretty quiet person irl, this also happens to me too so i know how you feel.

firstly, those people are assholes. i get not hearing someone the first time- but you saying it multiple times to the point that they brought you to the point where you had to 'snap' (which was warranted btw they deserve it) in the first place is so fucked up. and then they just changed the subject is just blatant disrespect.

and i feel like the common advice for this situation is something like 'command the room! be more confident in yourself! be an extrovert!' but i hate that. i love being quiet. i love just watching people and being content in silence and minding my business. you shouldn't have to change yourself to earn peoples respect- you shouldnt have to earn peoples respect period. they should just respect you on human level automatically. none of this is your fault, it's theres because they are actively choosing to ignore you and thats fucked. inner confidence is important and you should have that no matter what- don't be afraid to say what you want to say and be sure to give them no reason to ignore you by speaking clearly (not under your breath like i know i tend to do) and if they still ignore you, that's not on you it's on them and im sorry you have to deal with people like that. continue to snap on them when they do it- call them out on it because they're the ones choosing to do it in the first place.

#answered #anonymous

2 notes · View notes

dark-muse-iris · 2 years

Note

Hello iris,

I wanted to ask something if it's okay to?

I wanted to know did you planned your whole working man bangtan series in one go?

What inspired you and how did they turn out to be so different from each other yet so good?

How long did it take for you to write them each?

And what were the jobs you picked up for the rest of the members??? If you don't remember who was left, they are koo, hobi, and Joon.

Anyways I was very curious about the process, thats why. Feel free to ignore this. Hope you're having a good day today💖💖. Do tell me about it if you answer this ask😊😊

Sure, I love these types of asks!

I planned Working Man Bangtan is response to a series of annoying online exchanges where women were perpetuating anti-working class stigmas in their dating choices. One bragged that they dropped a series of dates based on occupation alone, but the comment that broke me was "a man who doesn't go to college isn't going to bring in enough money to provide for me and all my needs." As a child of working class parents who later worked construction and married a working class man, I was not only deeply offended but knew them to be completely full of shit. So I planned the series as my ode to men of high integrity who get their hands dirty.

I took inspiration from memories and previous encounters I had with working class people over the years. I've known many who were not only kind, but helpful, funny, good-natured, respectful, and good partners to those they loved. Some of them were also assholes lol. Others were the silent types who looked insanely attractive while at work.

Because each one-shot is different, they have varying degrees of research required. For periods of writing where I was actively working on stories daily, most oneshots took me 3-4 weeks start-to-finish *after* storyboarding and reading up on certain things. Fics like Tasty Tryst and Closed Circuit were more closely tied to my memories so the research was quicker, but Seaside Sabbatical had double the research time because I'm not well-versed in boats. I like fishing, but sailing and fishing are two different skillsets.

I definitely remember because I'm still working on the series, albeit slowly due to a lot of personal reasons (like overtime). Jungkook is a general contractor who specializes in carpentry, Namjoon is a groundskeeper who maintains public lands like cemeteries, and Hoseok is a landscaper who services well-to-do suburban neighborhoods. I've written at least 1k for each of them so far. Jungkook's got so hot and steamy it's over 10k drafted so far. That one will be a mammoth when it's done and I probably need to cut out a smut scene...I'm debating.

My day was okay today. I spent it running a lot of errands and trying to rest from the very stressful work week. My access to overtime is limited so I'm trying to punch it and take advantage of the nice weather to earn extra money, but when that's over I should have more time to write. I miss having a writing schedule and I know it's probably annoying to see posts from me that aren't an upload, but a lot of my delays are health-related and personal. Like this week, I spent most of my writing time crying and advising friends with uteruses about IUDs and how to go about getting one in a state with limited healthcare access.

Thanks for the kind ask, it was a nice break in my day.

#shameless army #iris answers #working man bangtan

4 notes · View notes

mostlymalena · 2 months

Text

March 14th 2024 1:33am

Hello it is very early in the morning. I cannot sleep partly due to the 5-Hour-Energy I drank at 5pm today. As someone with a heart condition that was not very smart. But when have I ever been smart about my health.

I will say it hasnt been hurting as much and my cortisol levels are down, this started when P and I stopped talking. Surprising? No.

Yesterday was the 1 year anniversary of Emma taking her own life. Which means in 6 days it is the 1 year anniversary of P breaking up with me. All cool things lmao. I havent been feeling very poetic lately which I attribute to the shit fucking week I endured and will now be reminded of yearly. I will be older than her this year and the next year the same age as my mother.

been feeling empty and I know it is because of the anniversary. but. spring is here and she seems bitter this year. regardless me and my friends have been using my small porch thoroughly and robustly!!!

Gracie and I see each other most every day now and I enjoy that immensely. She is so different now, much more mature and patient. she has a peace surrounding her but I fear it may not last. we laugh non-stop around each other and we always have a blast. I would chew and swallow her whole if she'd let me.

also mentioning Brooke in here so she does not get FOMO.

excited for my trip to italy with Jo. not excited to take a million fucking pictures of her that will never see the light of day. whatever.

laser tag game night is tomorrow (today) and thats gonna be a fucking blast. I love love love my friends and I love my life.

I have settled into this weird contentness of being alone. I have 0 desire to be romanced or to date or to fall in love which is unnatural for me. I usually eat that shit up lmao. something about my friends, family, and reading 5 books a week (and probably being so heartbroken by a emotionally inept man in which an empty fucking can of Diet Coke has more depth and range of emotions) has fulfilled me enough that my standards for dating have become down right filthy and unattainable for any ole fool in Wilmington fucking North Carolina. Honestly good luck and god bless those who will cross my path.

I started my period today as well so this might be a partial reason why I am so moody (duh)

#march 2024 #life

0 notes

indigo474 · 5 months

Text

December 2nd 2023

I was a bit emotional today. I went on face book and saw Michaels wife posted a photo and i am reminded of everything ive lost. it hurts. what can i do but let it hurt. it brings up so many emotions in me.. my kids will never know how much i had to fight for them. and thats ok. i think of Madison and the pain she carries. she lost a lot too... why?? i do think X is evil- to do what he has done not only to me but to Madison- she had nothing to offer him- no trust fund and how dare she cost him money.. so so sick.. but then.. they are adults so shame on them for not speaking to their sister. shame of meghan-- someday someday-- the truth- i don't know when, or how.. and i don't know how 1 man ..... i ran almost 5 miles today. I'm going to need a bigger park. I'm doing the 10 k program so it wasn't all at one but it was challenging.. running is mental. i noticed when i start to feel uncomfortable while running i'm able to tell myself that its ok because ive felt uncomfortable before and it will pass. i ruined my run on thursday because my music app wouldnt work.. i kept trying and trying to get it to work- stopping and starting and i got so mad myself -- it's not working why do you keep trying? i had it in my head i couldnt run without music. Friday i ran without music. today i had music until the last 10 minutes.. i'm excited to see how far i can run. i'm still not sure i am a runner.. i'm not built like one. BUT i like it. I lifted today. 170 dead lift- it felt heavy.. ohh an this week my back has been hurting me.. i'm pretty sure i am getting my period or due to get it and thats why 1 emotions and 2 my back hurts??? it was stiff all week.. sitting at a desk all day make my body sore.. i still lifted heavy although i told james on tues my back hurt so i didnt life as heavy.. today i went in tired from my run which i probably shouldnt be doing.. i guess i could have waited to run afterwards? i have no idea what i should or shouldnt be doing.. i think james said ideally i shouldnt be doing both on the same day.. benched 100-- i get it- i lose it.. split squats almost killed me today- he upped the weight. i played with Kika.. james did a chrome delete on his tesla and his dad was not happy about it- i think its his dads car.. i think it looks good but he needs to get new wheels.. i'm getting use to my commute- i knew i would. i was merging when i should have been yielding- i'm glad i figured that out.. work is kind of horrible. i know one of my reps is going to be in for a rude awakening soon.. its heating season so things are a bit crazy- i was a little bitchy on friday with 2 of my reps.. the one coming to my desk for me to help her after i told her i was busy.. the other is ghetto and i had enough..everyone is so use to me being me- happy helpful positive- they could tell i wasnt in the mood on friday.. it is what it is.. i'm human too.. i had a meeting with both reps separately.. I wore myself out today. Ive been thinking about turning 50- i hate to say this but i'm slightly scared.. a little bit. my mom told me menopause hit her at 50. she went on to tell me how horrible it was.. so i guess i have that in the back of my mind. i feel like i was starting to have symptoms but they have mostly gone away. i want to be and feel excited about aging- it's a privilege and i cant stop it- it's when i hear people say negative things about it- the good news it I am not my Mom.. My house is decorated. it looks good. I wish i had another Christmas tree to decorate.. Madison says 3 is too many.. i'm not convinced. ive had a pretty incredible year.. i don't know how 2024 can top it.....

Madison is going to be working 3rd shift- she is happy.. i'm not that thrilled for her to be out in the middle of the night.

James says i should join the dating apps again.. its the only way to meet someone.. I do want to meet someone- i just do not want to join any dating app..... not now anyway. I am enjoying being single- i thought to myself today that i should enjoy it because i wont always be single. I won't always be single. he's out there..

0 notes

the-woild-is-y-erster · 7 months

Note

How way your day btw buddie?

Also, would you prefer I ask how your day was over asks or dms? Or not at all lol /gen

HI IM SO SORRY I WAS SO TIRED LAST NIGHT!!!

my day wasn't bad, but it wasn't great either

my grandma came into town, which like yay but shes super racist and homo/transphobic and the like so :/

and she brought her dog which is why i made that post because he is and ASS and i DONT LIKE HIM

he's already peed on the floor and of course I had to be the one to clean it up

he keeps BITING ME which i already am scared of dogs because my friend's dog but me, i have a huge scar from it and it would be cool if i never have to get another dog-related scar

and apparently IM the asshole here for not liking dogs and for being scared of him??? because he is NOT a small dog in the slightest, and he just has this look in his eyes thats like "haha i'm gonna bite your leg that would be so funny haha i'm gonna pee on your furniture and roll in poop and come in all smelly" ALSO apparently according to the entire rest of my family, i'm a weak snowflake because i don't want him near me WHEN HE SMELLS LIKE A DUMPSTER HAD A BABY WITH A SEPTIC TANK GESU CHRISTO SORRY I HATE DOGS I GUESS

anyway i got complimented at the zoo like three times, and one person shouted 'carrying the banner!' from across a walkway so that was cool

i was drenched in sweat by the time we got home though

newsflash! living in the american south! its super fuckinghot!!!! especially when you're wearing basically period costume! it wasnt nearly as bad as over the summer at work tho

pro tip: if you own a historical park and ask your employees to wear historical dress! don't put them out in the sun all day in im not even kidding 117 degree heat with no air conditioning! not a good idea! the amount of times i fainted of heat exhaustion this summer and then had to get up and go on about my chores was astronomical

but its fiiiiine

my parents totally arent being asses this mroning and i totally dont have to finish the entire weeks homework today along with socializing because my parents decided to have a party and i totally dont have to finish making a hat for hoco tonight and i totally dont have to get READY for hoco tonight haha whaat

its ok i have tea (a family friend brought me some tea from their trip to turkey and oh my god its so good) and i drew shoe and eel again last night (which il post in a sec)

as for your question, i'm cool with whatever makes you more comfortable! if you send me an ask i'll probably remember to answer it better than a dm because i open dms and im like oh look! a message that i should definetly reply to! and then i get busy and. dont. so an ask would get answered faster but if you wanna go to dms i can mend my ways and actually start answering lmao

and it honestly makes me happy when people ask abt my day because no one in my house bothers to so please keep doing it/nf

#eel gets asks!#this got really long #whoops

1 note · View note

areasontoexist · 8 months

Text

a September 12th blog

Why do i only break out between my eyebrows. Like ive been better about washing my face everyday and using toner and moisturizer. Is it like stress acne? Probably.

Updates for the past few days: I visited my best friend at her college which is like an hour away. We got lunch with one of our other good friends which was really nice. I like her. I wish we were closer in high school. I feel like i missed out on a crucial period of time where i wouldve been more cemented into that group of people. We got dumpling and chatted about life. I am really missing out on the college lifestyle.

Ive been doing a pretty good job with keeping up with my walks which is nice, but it makes me exhausted. Im in this state of brain fog like 60% of the day. As someone with diagnosed OCD and as an anxious overthinker, it is extremely rare to have nothing going on up there.

I went to the dentist for the first time in a few years. I know thats like... gross, but time just gets away from me and it was tough enough getting through life without worrying about dentist appointments. But by some miracle, I dont have a single cavity. I was so sure i wouldve had a few. I like fully shut down during the appointment in order to not freak out. I barely spoke and my eyes just glazed over lol.

I went to the doctor today to talk about mental health stuff and decided not to try meds for the year. I dont think id be able to keep up with it while away and on projects. I did bring up the possibility of getting a med card after my gap year though and she seemed open to it. I think i pled my case decently even though i was anxious af at the time.

Also I started and finished season 5 of community and am working through season 6. I love Frankie. I think she is such an awesome character and i loove Paget.

I needed a milkshake today, so I got one.

How do people not start every sentence in personal writing with "I"?

#journal #blog #tumblog

0 notes

raincamp · 9 months

Text

08 02 2023

ive been feeling like different people recently. i can never predict who i am going to be when i wake up in the morning. my values, likes, dislikes, priorities, mannerisms, beliefs, and feelings all change so frequently that i can never tell what's "me" coming through— who i actually am

its so disorienting to realize when something has changed- like, i can intellectually understand that yesterday i was not an anxious person, i didn't care what people thought of me, i was so self confident, i enjoyed talking to other people, i was able to do things without becoming immediately terrified at the possibilities of bad things happening. but that wasnt me, because today, i do feel anxious, i despise other people, im insanely self conscious and self critical, and the thought of going into public has me wanting to curl up into a ball and hide in the dark recesses of my bedroom for eternity. my entire perception of myself and the world around me has completely flipped overnight and its not like anything happened to trigger it??

even my perception of gender, sexuality, my own name sometimes feels so disconnected from who i am as a person, as an identity, i have to trust that what i have written down in my bio box is true (and, as far as i have experienced, it usually is once i'm stable again) because i can't deal with questioning it again, gods know i've had enoigh crises about it for a lifetime.

its times like these that i start latching onto someone else for stability, i know a lot of pwBPD go on to construct their identity around a favorite person but i've always been one to use fiction as a source of comfort and stability. not only can i be 100% sure about a fictional character's traits and values, but it also provides me with a sense of strength and protection, because i tend to subconsciously pick characters that i admire and that i believe are stronger or more intelligent than me.

since the new season of good omens has come out, i have once again absorbed crowley into the list of personalities i've stolen. i mean, he was always there, but ive noticed him pushing through more in little ways over the past couple days. from the music that i listen to, to the way i walk and hold myself, i find myself doing things that i know I will later look back at and think "wait what? thats not like me at all", or at least, not like the me i thought i was a week ago.

because its not like ive consciously made a choice to act any differently, it's just how i naturally act in the moment. it technically is still me, it's just completely out of character for me, as far as the people around me are concerned. and i know that, eventually, this period of needing to subconsciously become "someone else" will come to and end, and when im on the other side of it, who i am right now will be completely unrecognizable to that person, just as they probably would be unrecognizable to the person i am right now.

and, i mean, it makes sense why him, why my subconscious would choose crowley. we're both going through extremely similar things right now, we both have just lost people we love, our FPs, because they thought that leaving us would save us. maybe its safer if i pretend its only happening in a tv show. maybe its safer if i let him take over navigating my life right now because at least i know that he can. i know that hes strong enough, i know that things will end well for him. i don't know if its the same for me.

anyway, identity dissociation is weird, and it sucks that i got the short end of the stick having severe dissociative symptoms as part of my BPD presentation. i mean, sometimes i feel like im 3 steps and a jump away from an actual dissociative disorder like DID. i obviously dont have it but i can fully understand how you get from here to there, yk? i can 100% empathize with how it feels up until the point where theres two people in your body at once. but the dissociation, the feeling of your body and memories not being yours, not recognizing the people around you, the feeling of a headspace, the feeling of not knowing who you are, they're all things i experience at times, so its not difficult for me to be able to understand what it might feel like. and its absolute shit honestly.

- andrew (?)

#dissociation #disassociation #identity dissociation #bpd #borderline #cluster b #personality disorder #actually bpd #tumblr diary #mentally ill #mental illness go brrr #actually mentally ill

0 notes

trashcankitty12 · 1 year

Text

My post last night might have been a fluke. My Original Work is done for the moment. That's true. But my focus may not be entirely on writing for a while... Trigger Warning/Content Warning for an upsetting topic involving hospice care and the end of life.

Today my family got confirmation about something we already knew was coming but had hoped wasn't true. You know that feeling where you know what's going on but you still hope that you're wrong? That was us.

My grandfather... The man who raised me and was a dad to me. The ONLY man who was ever there for me everytime I needed him... Is dying.

We knew it was coming. He'd gotten to a point where he could no longer walk and we were having to wheel him around. (His arms weren't strong enough for him to move himself.)

His ability to talk and recognize people was declining. His control over himself was going.

We recently had to even get a hospital bed for him to be brought into our home because of his needs. (Not an actual one but one made for homes. I don't know what they're called I honestly don't have the bandwidth to look it up.)

Today we got managed to get hospice. And they confirmed it all. His body is starting to shut down. Its all about comfort and stability now. (While also letting nature do its thing. But no need for him to be in pain.)

I hate it.

I... I hate that I'm losing one of the few people who ever gave a damn about me from the beginning. That I'm losing one of the only reliable people in my life.

I hate that there's nothing I can do to fix this. Because I'm a fixer person. I want to fix things. But you can't fix this.

Im also... Relieved. Im glad we know what's going on for sure. Im glad we have help. And I'm glad we can do this without him being in pain as we go through the days.

I dont want him to suffer. I don't want him to be in pain. But I'm human and selfish and I still want my dad. You know?

My grandma and I are trying to stay strong. We're doing our best and trying to keep the rest of the family from going off the deep end.

And we're trying to keep each other together.

I know many relationships that started from their time period weren't healthy or on equal footing, but my grandma will tell you outright how much she loved him. How she'd have never married if she hadn't met him. They've been together about 65 years now. Isn't that incredible? He always said she was the best thing to happen to him.

And through all of this? She's the one he reacts to the most. She's the one who can calm him down and make him relax.

He was so many things to so many people. And he still is. He's just... Retiring i suppose is a good word.

I chose these photos of him. These are from when he was a bit more himself. From the past two years. (Yes I know I look ridiculous but I'm not the important one.)

So... This is a life update. A message to my void of people who want to know why certain things seem to be taking so long or why I'm more active some days than others. Or why I reblog more than i make my own content.

My brain is on survival mode essentially. Im going through the motions to try and make the family more okay.

Yes I'm aware ill probably break at some point. But thats for Future Me to deal with. Current Me is just trying to make sure he feels we're going to be okay without him, even if we're going to miss him like crazy. Because our hospice nurse told us some people hold on longer than they should if they're afraid of their loved ones not being okay in the aftermath and I dont want him to feel like he has to push himself for me. I want him to be at peace and to be happy and painfree.

Say a prayer or send vibes or whatever you do for my family please. This is going to be rough.

#personal #my life #life update #my face #family #tw:hospice #tw:death #tw:future death

0 notes