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devondespresso · 1 year

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i was reading a scoops era steddie au where eddie visits scoops often and one thing i noticed i alway want but have yet to see (bear in mind my fic pallette is basically just shit i see on Tumblr and occasionally reading every fic a certain author has written) is a specific scene of eddie noticing stobins missing when he goes to visit them at scoops the day theyre stuck in the bunker. cause they entered the bunker after a shift one night and didn't get out until at the soonest the next afternoon right before the mall closes so if either or both of them were scheduled to work then they'd be just... gone.

and how characters around them handle that depends on how soon (if at all) they're declared missing. did robin think they'd be in-and-out in their snooping and tell her parents shes be back a little late or did she think they'd be out kinda late fucking around and just lied to her parents telling them shes sleeping over at a friend's like how we know tina was going to cover for erica? did mrs Henderson freak out when Dustin didn't bike back home (knowing what happened with will) or did she know he was with steve and trusted that they were goofing off or something?

and usually i see Steve's parents not being home but what if they were?? they could panic because steve always has some sort of excuse for why hes gone or maybe just his mom starts worrying because while his dad never really asks about him she does and she knows hes probably not at some girls house right now because he at least would have told her. or maybe mrs harrington doesn't know her son as well as she thinks she does and assumes he is out at some girls house and is relieved hes finally getting to be more like himself.

maybe just one or two people in scoops troop are reported missing that night and maybe the search started for them is enough for the other's parents or friends to realize they're all missing. maybe none of them are because they each already had a coverup with the people who'd notice. maybe they spent a good few hours in that elevator regretting lying about where they'd be because now no one knows they're in danger and by the time they start looking it could be too late (obviously erica didn't seem to grasp this yet but shes literally 10 and it's definitely her fist severely traumatic life or death experience. for the others tho it could definitely be on their minds and i have seen a few fics where robin wonders about how steve and Dustin are reacting like they've done scary shit like this before together)

then morning comes and id give it until lunch with no calls or anything before parents who believed their kids were sleeping over to start worrying seriously. maybe they call the friend their child's supposedly with and get a confused parent saying they haven't seen them or maybe they get the friend picking up and confirming they're fine (like tina). but if Mrs Henderson gets worried and calls steve she'll either get the harringtons saying he isn't home right now or she won't be able to reach him. and knowing steves like a big brother and a best friend to dustin knows that if steve missing too he's probably at least missing with him and goes to the station worried about them both

and then theres the fact that scoops has to open in the morning, probably sometime around 10am. maybe steve and robin were scheduled to both work again and as 10am comes and passes scoops ahoy hasn't been touched. maybe some mall manager calls the scoops manager (forgive me ive never worked in a mall but i do work in a store-within-a-store and we have our own manager plus the big store manager) and asks where their employees are. if missing persons reports were filed that last night then the manager would be really worried while frantically trying to find someone to cover for them. but maybe no one knows they're missing yet and their manager is grumbling about their no-shows, maybe considering firing them for both disappearing without even calling out. depending on how much they know and if the reports were filed, whoever has to cover their shifts is either worried about their coworkers (probably moreso robin than steve because of his reputation) or utterly pissed that they both didn't show and they have to open scoops ahoy with a few hours delay and probably a good few karens bitching about being closed. or maybe one or the other was scheduled and while their no-show is really inconvenient at least someone's there to open and ask for backup

and then theres steves car still parked in the back where it was the day before. a bike left behind at the mall is less eyebrow-raising but a fancy car? Steve Harrington's car? Steve Harrington who was scheduled to work today but somehow isn't in scoops right now? is he skipping work while simultaneously wandering around his workplace? and whats worse is despite evidence being there *no one can find him*. maybe thats what it takes for people to realize hes like actually missing. maybe they think he was kidnapped, hopefully he just went home with some girl and lost track of time.

and then theres eddie. eddie whos been stopping by scoops for a while now. maybe he still doesn't really like Harrington but likes teasing him with Buckley or maybe they've gotten pretty close. maybe they're already dating. maybe eddie walks up to scoops one morning to find it closed or to find that one or the other didn't show up for work this morning. maybe he hears from the worker that ones missing or maybe they get a rant about how pissed the worker is to be opening alone. maybe he's the one to go to a mall manager or security officer worried about scoops being closed because he *knows* the people that are supposed to be there right now and they don't just abandon work at the same time with no explanations.

or maybe eddie visits in the afternoons and learns they're missing from their coworkers or maybe hes there because he saw it on the news and went on his our hunt. either way it'd probably end with Eddie looking around the mall for them because he knows steve isn't going to just abandon his beemer in a busy public parking lot. maybe he finds them high out of their minds while checking the movie theatre (this one i do see a lot and am obsessed with its so good) or maybe he doesn't find them at all (its a big mall and they are actively hiding from Russians who know they escaped. sure stobin are not being very secretive while high but dustin and erica are at least keeping them in less-discoverable locations). maybe he goes home knowing hes looked everywhere in that damn mall and assumes they're probably kidnapped and taken somewhere else (if he did find them tho that opens a whole can of worms for if, how, and how much eddie gets involved and while my brains gone down sone of those rabbit holes i don't think i will today)

and then they see the news about the mall fire. and eddie knows damn well that he looked everywhere in that mall but didn't see a trace of his friends but there they are on the news and apparently in the fire. maybe eddie assumes he didn't look hard enough. but maybe he sees how steves the only one with more than a few bruises on his legs, how despite them claiming he was trapped in rumble that also allegedly killed billy hargrove he looks like hes carrying himself on adrenaline alone and hovering around robin and the kids like something more than falling support beams could get to them. maybe its the fact that he look as shit as he did but wasn't laying down on a hospital stretcher like he would be if he just got those wounds.

_._._._

hi if you saw any typos no you didn't UNLESS theyre funny or actually concerning then you should tell me and i can react appropriately

also i swear i feel like doctor strange looking through every possible reality when i go on tangents like this. idk whenever i come up with little fics in my head or come up with different ways my favorite unfinished fics could end im always exploring as many different versions of the same scenario as i can and coming up with as many what-ifs as i can.

also i pressed the poll button by accident while making this and idk how to make it go away to we're trying just ignoring it and not writing anything in it to see if it goes away

actually fuck that it probably wont work so im adding a poll question as a treat for the people who read this far

#writing this was an experience except i don't remember any of it and i didn't even reread it to check spelling #i love thinking like this tho and coming up with all these different things that could happen with this one scenario #and following canon and trying to fill in the gaps gives just enough room to fuck around but still keeps me in the right direction #with just a couple deviations that are too good to ignore like eddie finding stobin while theyre high and getting water #im also writing my own little steve henderson au universe in my head loosely inspired by those steve henderson posts by that one person #i can't remember their user rn but if i ever actually share ill tag them as inspiration inlike the first post #but mostly its me taking steve right after s2 events and letting him get help from the hendersons because dustins his new best friend now #(regardless of if he agreed to it or not)#so uh yea if anyone wants to hear about it you should totally let me know because i will do a lot for external validation #im just an 8 year old girl playing barbies but morbid things are happening #stranger things #steve harrington #steddie #eddie munson #platonic stobin #steve x eddie #robin buckley #dustin henderson #erica sinclair #steve and dustin #steve and robin #platonic soulmates stobin #scoops ahoy #stranger things season 3 #stranger things s3 #stranger things rambles #claudia henderson #steve has bad parents #mrs harrington #stranger things thoughts

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 10 months

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Ièm jsut a little kitty, I domèt know how 2 spell.....

#ask #non mdzs #Before anyone gets incensed at these anons: Its Fully On Me #I tend to make these with tight deadlines so my proofreading is very minimal....#shout out to that time I noticed i misspelt 'laughed' and then proceeded to edit it...into another misspelling.....#Spelling is NOT my strong suit! Je suis un cancre!#C'est le chapeau que je dois porter!#I focus more on the blocking of the text than I do the spelling...I promise i am trying so hard B*(#I genuinely appreciate ppl pointing the errors out (esp early) so I can get a chance to fix them. This is another FAQ bullet point after al #(In that I am not good at spelling and am thankful for people helping me out)#I also want everyone to keep this in the back of their minds when I start posting doodles as replies to all the very nice comments #there is a balance u_u My ego is kept in check every day #Shout out to all the poorly spelled tumblr users out there. We can wear our little hats together

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dallonwrites · 7 months

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actually making my tags from my last post into their own post. writers who struggle with grammar, spelling, typos, errors etc i love you. writers who struggle with rereading their stuff thoroughly no matter how much they try, who don't always have access to other people to help them read i love you. whilst reading through and checking for these things is good practice i really believe that the weight of it should not be put wholly on the writer's shoulders. especially writers who are neurodivergent, disabled, have any condition that can impede their reading + comprehension, are overworked and overtired, are not writing in their native language, list goes on....because grammar mistakes/language mistakes/typos have nothing to do with your abilities as a creative. this is where editors should be uplifting writers, helping them, not scrutinising them for something they cannot always control

#and in case anyone is going to say it...like i said in my tags i get that it can be frustrating #if it feels like a piece has NOT been reread or checked for these things at all #but even then its like...do you know the writers context? their background?#does the story itself still hold up strong creatively?#im just saying some leniency and grace goes far and esp in the short story/litmag scene i think #an editor who is considerate and inclusive should not use those things against a piece's worth #for me its like....1) the word spelling and grammar check is really confusing to work with sometimes #and also just. straight up does not work sometimes #and 2) no matter how much i reread and check for spelling and grammar i will forget a word. i will misuse a word. i will forget things #a bitch is forgetful! a bitch struggles with rereading their pieces and i do what i can to help that #but i need help and grace from the editors who wish to work with me!#i remember one time i wrote vacancy as vanacy in an excerpt in a writing update #literally passed me by and i was so humiliated?? nobody even pointed it out #but i assumed people were going to think of me less that i would make a simple mistake #its just...v hard and daunting being open with your writing sometimes lol lets all be kind to each other

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sage-is-in-fact-very-tired · 4 months

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these should all have one place, instead of being a whole lot of rbs and individual posts, so.

Sage, during the season break earlier this year, compiled a list of (nearly) every wacked thing (and every little thing said that was *definitely* (probably) a character thing and not a cc!sherb/irl!sherb thing) during the streams between the break! Notes in parentheses beginning with 'future sage' were written like. ten minutes ago while I was looking back at these. anyway-

everything is under the cut bc this shit *long*

《▪︎▪︎》

[ALL FROM SHERBERT STREAM "Talking about the finale! and pirate fest!"]

- Yellow light background

- Blue Eye

- Beginnings of blood under said blue eye

- Blue eye/Blood is opposite to C!Sherbert's. (So, rather than being on the right, it's on the left)

- Faint-Faint Scar akin to C!Sherbert's one from S1

- Talking about potions/making potions IRL

- Referring to C!Sherbert's desk as "My Desk"

- Facecam border changed, Now White and Yellow

- Saying that they didn't do anything to the portal

- Trying to remember what the portal + Haley looked like

- "I'm pretty sure this is the same thing that showed up when I was at Haley's grave when I ran away, But I don't really remember."

- "I wasn't really looking at pants"

- "No idea what was going on with shoes, didn't really look."

- "I'm pretty sure you're on my screen," didn't quite exactly catch what they said, but they then asked if we could have been objects, or something along the lines- (Did conform that we *were* on the screen. And not in fact objects.)

- "What shoes were you wearing?" Sherbert to Haley, Haley then asking "Where?", Sherbert then going "When you came out if the portal?"

- Sherbert acting as though this is the first/one of the first time their hearing Syndicate ("I don't know why I know this song so well")

- Seemingly forgeting that they did a cover of Syndicate ("You did a cover of it. Oh, Yeah! I did.")

- "No I'm pretty sure that's a Q," not knowing how we got a bleeding eye from that

《▪︎▪︎》

[ALL FROM CENTROSS' STREAM "Mermaid times!!!!!"]

- Blood is more obvious, further down their face (More akin to C!Sherbert's blood drips than they were earlier, only more faint and smaller)

- "you still have blood on your face" "Yeah it's kinda been there, not gonna lie" "it just doesn't leave" (Centross and Sherb talking about the blood. While not necessarily a wack thing - we know its bleeding - its definitely a little thing to point out)

- "I don't remember most things, actually," Centross then tells them how weird that is, and how he feels to constantly re-tell them things. ("It's weird, It's like I have to re-tell you everything")

- "I went to school, it was weird, wasn't used to that one."

- "Rae put us in box," when questioned on 'Rae' (Because Centross was on Mer, So it would've been Theo), "Yeah, Rae." (Rather set on it being Rae and not Theo.)

- (Don't know when this Happened) Chat asked about Sherbert's Blue Eye and what was up with it, and Centross then responded "What do you mean? That's their normal eye."

《▪︎▪︎》

[ALL FROM HEYHAY STREAM "Fable SMP Build Tour!!"]

- During when Heyhay is showing off the burned old Ominous Bane base, Sherbert (In chat) say "yeah I burned it after everything" which. once again talking about C!Sherbert in the first person as though they *are* C!Sherbert

- When Heyhay shows off Perix's lab, Sherbert (In chat, again) says "oh so thats what those looked like," referring to the big brewing stands. this is despite the fact that Rae drew C!Sherbert a picture of them, and gave it to C!Sherbert. (Tho, Could be in reference to the materials.) [A very in character thing to say.]

- In response to a question about that (I couldn't watch the stream live, to look at chat, and heyhay doesn't put the chat up, so I don't know what the question was-), Sherbert responds, "well i never went to the alchemy lab so-" again, despite Rae drawing them a picture and givving it to them (Again, could ve in reference to material) [Also again, Very in-character thing to say. Using 'I' in reference to C!Sherbert.]

《▪︎▪︎》

[ALL FROM SHERBERT STREAM "IT'S CRAB TIME"]

- Blood seems to have decreased since Centross' stream where it was further down. Either that or it's extra-extra faint and was just more noticeable in Centross' stream.

- The faint Scar that was there previously is no longer there

- Few Minutes In, right when they open minecaft, The Background light changes from yellow to green. (Presumably connected to the fact that Krit's not bleeding eye is Green and/or the Rave room)

- Among us are not yellow and purple, Now Orange and Green (Also corresponding to Krit's eye colors)

- Kirt acknowledging things IRL. Specifically the Among Us, and saying how 'They've always been those colors' [Put In this list because while *in* character (I think. They seemed in character) they most definitely acknowledged things IRL]

- After they leave Minecraft, Light changes back to yellow.

《▪︎▪︎》

[ALL FROM SHERBERT STREAM "WE'RE GOING TO THE NETHER"]

- Blood still really faint, but going a little further down their face that last stream (Though, it is to be noted that it is not as far down as in Centross' stream the other day)

- Among us are orange and white (? Could be light blue. very hard to tell with the lighting)

- The maniquine that holds C!Sherbert's coat, goggles, and scarf (the one that hangs on their belt) is now infront of CC!Sherbert's Non-Binary flag.

- Few Minutes In, once they open minecaft, the light in the background changes to purple. (Seems to be the usual (before the whole irl lore stuff) shade)

- "I geuss I cosplayed me a bit ago-"

- They care a lot about *this* hardcore world (Could Jist be Hardcore Lore, Could Be CCC! Lore. Don't know which one.)

- A Jack Stauber song started playing (C!Sherbert canonically only listens to Jack Stauber)

- Syndicate started playing after, They got excited about it

- *Another* Jack Stauber song. (Outside of this, Music seems to be going through its normal rotation)

- A fucking 'nother one- (Another Jack Stauber song started playing)

- ...Another one. We are on. #4 I do believe. (Another Jack Stauber song started playing)

- "Why do I know this music-?" (They say, lipsinking and dancing like they *know* the music)

- ....#5 now. (Another Jack Stauber song started playing. Though this one was significantly shorter than the rest.)

- A soul shrine showed up in hardcore, when going to look at it, the Nether star had a message in Quixian presumably connecting to the whole IRL lore stuff going on (Tranlation - ⏁⏅ṽ⏇⏅ ⍉⍔⍉ ⍒⌭√ ⌭⍭, UHZKH GLG BRX RJ, (Shift 4 Backward) REWHE DID YOU OG, WHERE DID YOU GO)

- *Another* (#6) Jack Stauber song started playing (It also ran shorter)

- Another (#7) Jack Stauber song started playing (Whole song plays through)

- Another (#8) Jack Stauber song started playing (Whole thing plays through)

- After they close minecaft, light changes back to yellow/white

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "FABLE SMP S2 CAST QNA!"]

- Their Pride flags swapped (They're on the opposite sides)

- Sherbert doesn't introduce their character ('I'm Sherbert and I use They/Them pronouns' when questioned, 'Nothing else')

- Characters glitching on the couch (Haley glitching to late s2, and Chaos glitching to a ghost) [Stays that way for the rest of the stream.]

- "A bunch of you started drawing me with wing ears cause I want to be birb." (Once again referring to C!Sherbert in the first person.)

- Everytime Sherbert's answered so far, it's gone back an forth between 3rd and 1st person.

- "It's a weird memory feeling" (And then Centross going "Yeah?")

- When they said their favorite god was Quixis, their light started to change rainbow. They did go back to white/yellow after.

- "Uh. Me." (Seemed very unsure, did not elaborate.)

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "MESSING AROUND IN THE 1.20 SNAPSHOT!"]

-Blood is still faint, but further down their face

- Maniquine (The one with C!Sherbert's fit) is gone from frame

- They open minecaft, light doesn't change

- Among Us are white and red

- Wack Music #1 (A Jack Stauber song started playing)

- Wack Music #2 (Another Jack Stauber song started playing)

- Wack Music #3 (Another Jack Stauber song started playing)

- "It's *my* music, nice." (The only music C!Sherbert listens to is Jack Stauber. Presumably this is why CCC!Sherbert refers to it as "My Music," once again referring to C!Sherbert in first person.)

- Searching up "NETH", really quietly they went, "Netherum?"

- Wack Music #4 (Another Jack Stauber song started playing)

- "I love these songs, they're my songs. I listen to them all the time."

- "Which look most like my converse?" (Refering to C!Sherbert's Yellow/Purple converse as 'my converse')

- "I can make my armor at some point" (Referring to C!Sherbert's armor in 1st person)

- Wack Music #5 (Another Jack Stauber song started playing)

- Wack Music #6 (Another Jack Stauber song started playing)

- Sherbert going "Don't take this as Canon" when trying to remember their wings name. (Implying the rest of this whole bit *is*)

- Wack Music #7 (Another Jack Stauber song started playing)

- "I won't lie, my favorite flower is a blue orchid, but it may change to this."

- Wack Music #8 (Another Jack Stauber song started playing)

- Wack Song #9 (Another Jack Stauber song started playing. This one ran shorter.)

- "Rae is gonna- Rae is gonna ascend." (Talking about the new bookshelves.)

- "Rae is gonna love these. I gotta make him some whenever I- whenever I see him again." (Again, talking about the new bookshelves.)

- "I've never speedrun before." "I've only been to the end once." "I have no idea what I'm doing."

- "It's been a long time since I've had to, I dunno, start over."

- "It's been about a year or so." (Season 2 of Fable went on for about a year before the finale.)

- "I don’t know I’ve never done this before"

- "I guess I killed the dragon that one time but I don’t know."

- "I am birb, I got my little wing ears and everything"

- "Yeah, I'll be used to the thunder, I'm not worried about that."

- "'Funky eyes,' I already have a funky eye, i cant handle more."

- "I am not used to being in a new world, kinda forgot this was a thing."

- "I guess if Momboo’s not here then it won’t rain, huh."

- "Always thunder is a lie. I geuss Momboos not here to do that, so I guess that's fine."

- "We gotta go to the moon again."(Refering to the time they played portal. (Portal!Sherbert))

- "'Turn yourself into a warden,' Uh, that's trauma."

- "I guess we're going to the moon again. I wasn't on the moon for a very long time last time, but i definitely was up there." (Portal!Sherbert)

- Sherbert seems a tad stressed (While trying to get to the moon.)

- "Last time I was here I was just kinda getting rid of a robot." (Portal!Sherbert)

- "Well I guess the dude I left up here is doing pretty good for himself." (Portal!Sherbert)

- "Honestly not the weirdest thing that has happened to me. I wont lie, I've had way weirder things happen to me. Objectively. "

- "Giant warden? But this is just going to give me trauma."

- "I got to go to the moon again." (Portal!Sherbert)

- Goes to sleep at the end, same way they end lore.

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "THIS GAME MIGHT MAKE ME CRY"]

- Blood a little further down their face

- Blood around their eye a little darker

- Scar (C!Sherbert's scar) is back

- When asked what crimes they commited, they listed some thing that C!Sherbert did.

- "Jerold where are you? I thought you left me too..." (..so many things. So many things about that sentence.)

- "At least this box is grey, i think I would be a lot worse if I was in another one of the black boxes." "'No obby.' Yeah, exactly."

- "How long is my sentence I’m not necessarily saying I want to get out."

- "I've spent time in boxes before."

- "Might rip up my clothes a little, but it's okay."

- "At least I have something to do in prison this time."

- "You know. This isn't - This isn't to far off from my communicatior.."

- "'Are things talking to right now?' I mean, sure, yeah. I'm in a prison, not sure how else you would be talking to me."

- "'Charles did it,' Yeah, probably."

- They sound nervous. Very akin to how C!Sherbert sounded when they got put in the prison

- Light Blue and Green/Lime Among us.

- "You don’t have to spend your money on games, I’m okay."

- "I've done this before."

- "Do I get out ever?"

- "Atleast not in the ones I've been in, isn't there supposed to be an outside area?"

- "I'd like to get out I probably have some people I'd like to see, maybe… Maybe…"

-"'You remember the prison?' Yeah I remember a lot of things."

-"I'm pretty sure I have people waiting for me on the outside."

-"'Time seems to go slower when in prison,' Yeah. Something like that."

-"Is that an eye? Ugh….Illuminati confirmed."

- "I'm sure they don't want my eye."

- "'What's you eye doing?' Bleeding like always."

- "You know, my communicatior didn't have games."

- "Me and a significant amount of objects that can speak-"

- "I've done things in the past, but I'm pretty sure in the past - 8 days, not the ones in here, i havent done anything that warrents prison." (The finale was 8 days ago.)

- "'Another almost happy ending.' Yeah."

- When Sherb closes the game, they sorta do their thing they do at the end of lore. (You know what I'm talking about-)

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "ADVENTURE FOR THE LIL CRAB GUY"]

- Blood seems a tad darker

- Scar (C!Sherbert's) is still there

- Among Us are Red and Orange (Differing from the last time they were on Mer - Which was Orange and Green.)

- They opened minecaft and the light changed to lime green

- "'What happened to the purple and yellow Among uss?' These are the Among Us? This is what they've always been."

- Krit finds an emerald with Quixian written on it, Translates to 'MAYBE THIS ONE?' (Ψ⦚⍔⏚⏅ ṽ⌗⌘⏄ ⍕⍔⌮ - FILTH ZAOP ULV - YBEMA STHI NEO - MAYBE THIS ONE) Presumably Quixis attempting to figure out where Sherbert went after they went through the portal. (Though, if they are in charge of the Rave-Room, presumably they do know where the portals go, and would know that they didn't go through the one to Mer after tye Fable one went out.)

- Centross walks into their room, They have a little crab-claw thingy. They click it. A lot, and Sherb goes 'It's like me, Ahhh-' (Acknowledging things IRL while also in character.)

- "'Little Itty Bitty Bell,'" Yeah, for the Bits!" (Acknowledging things IRL things in character.)

- They close minecaft, Lights change back to yellow.

- MER SMP thumbnail for this stream - The Quixian on the thumbnail is different than what it is in the vod, it Translates to "HELP ME REACH THEM" (⍭⍹Ψ⌆ ⏇⌆ ⌗Ψ⏄⌆⍅ ⌆⏇⌭Ψ - JNFC KC AFPCY CKRF - LPHE ME CHREA EMTH - HELP ME REACH THEM)

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "FABLE SMP AMONG US: The Threequel")

- On Plush Shelf - Among Us swaped with purple blob, Techno and Jshlatt swapped, and Techno then swapped with Cubone

- Scar (C!Sherbert's) is gone (Again)

- Light changed to a green-Blue, Teal, Cyan if you will. (Not the same as the Mer green)

- 'Among Us' code cover Changes, Translates to 'ARE YOU HERE?' (⍋⍱⌬ ⏚√⍹ ⍋⍉⍋⌬ - DZQ TXN DGDQ - EAR UYO EHER - ARE YOU HERE? (1/2 Right)

- 'Among Us' code cover changes back

- "It's been a while since I've just gotten to do this."

- "That's inevitable. In every world and this one."

- "Even though she's.. back. When did she back?"

- "'Your name is Sherbert, Right?' No, It's a.. Nickname that I got."

- Light changes back after they close Among us.

- The Among Us are Orange and White

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "FISH FRIENDS"]

- Blood is further down

- "It's gonna be a *me* CMV." (Refering to C!Sherbert in first person.)

- Lights changed to green when they opened minecaft

- They have to restart minecaft and light changes back to Yellow

- Lights do eventually turn back to green after they open minecaft

- They close Minecaft light goes back to Yellow

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "GIANT CHICKENS, my worst nightmare"]

- Blood Is darker and further down

- Scar (C!Sherbert's) is back

- Light does not change as they open the game

- Among us are Red and White

- "Waking up places, Going through stuff, Kinda my bit."

- "Hey Charles, you wanna talk to me in an odd dream sequence again and really show everybody why I hate you so much?" (Excuse me. What.) (okay no future sage here, i feel like we need to acknowledge this??????)

- "He has a higher kill count than me, guys. Sure my kill count is only one.."

- "I don't think he's gone."

- Charles is not in the basket, now on the desk.

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "FABLE SMP SURVIVAL GAMES"]

- Blood Is slightly further down (A little paler than prev. stream.)

- Scar (C!Sherbert's) is there but extra faint

- They open Minecaft, Light change to pink (Event Skin eye is pink, this is an event. Hence the pink.)

- They IRL stretch (future sage here. what??)

- While the were drowning, They say "..here again.." really quietly. (Raft!Sherb)

- "I've spent a lot of time practicing for things like this." (GMS!Sherb???????)

- Wack Music #1

- Wack Music #2

- Wack Music #3

- "This is my first time here though.." (Refering to the Mansion. Which is a direct contradictory to canon.)

- Wack Music #4

- Wack Music #5

- "What's this music playing? This is not my fighting music."

- Wack Music #5

- "It's nice to finally win one of these for once, competing in enough anyway."

- While downing (Again) they go, "I've been here before." (Raft!Sherb)

- Near the end of their drowning, They go, "Bye ship." But they look very confused after. (Raft!Sherb)

- Wack Music #6 (Not Jack Stauber, But it is the sad lore music.)

- Wack Music #7

- After they shot and killed Haley in dodge bolt, they go, "In every world. In this one and the next."

- Wack Music #8

- "No idea where the next one of these will be, but hey."

- "Nice to win one for once."

- They close minecaft, Lights change back to yellow

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "DRAWING MORE SHERBS!"]

- Blood is Darker

- Scar (C!Sherbert's) is gone again

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "HARDCORE TIME!"]

- Music is not usual music (On starting screen)

- Eyes are now Purple and Yellow, but now in a C!Sherbert way, Purple eye was the blue one

- Other eye, was brown, now yellow, is also beginning to bleed

- Scar (C!Sherbert's) is there again

- Charles in background is now Yellow Among us

- Red and Green Among us

- Crab rave not Crab rave

- Chuck is not Chuck. He is Ralph. (Who is a Turtle. Not a Crab)

- Quixis writing on note on desk, Translates to "I THINK I GOT TO YOU" (⍉ ⍔⦚⌭Ψ⍉ ⍉ ⭗⌭⍾ ⌭⭗ ⭗⍩⍬ - G LIRFG G MRE RM MSW - I NKTHI I OTG TO OUY - I THINK I GOT TO YOU)

- Blanket on chair is Light Yellow and Light Blue (Not Normal Yellow and Purple)

- Open Minecaft, Light changes to light purple (Not usual purple)

- "I feel weird." "I feel like I'm wrong."

- "I don't feel like I'm supposed to be here."

- IRL touches purple bleeding eye, gives a weird look

- "Something's wrong. Somethings wrong today."

- "He doesn't belong here, then again-"

- They stretch for a moment, Light momentarily changes yellow.

- Song time, Lights change back to yellow

- "Guess this is where I can die, just one and done."

- They go back to playing Minecaft, Light changes back to purple

- Ears are switched around (White and Black in front, Yellow and purple in back.)

- "'Just like normal?' Yeah just like normal."

- "I have... I don't know what I've been doing."

- Wack Music probably not #1

- "I was sleeping. Maybe. When's the last time I slept?" Quieter, "It doesn't matter."

- "Ahh, My brain feel fuzzy."

- Wack Music #2 (Probably.)

- "'Well what happened before you woke up might contribute to how you feel, What is the last thing you remember before you wake up?' Um. What was- I was finishing the- I went to the- And then I- I- was like.. crying.." (Context wise, No idea, but. In Sherb's most recent C!Sherbert tiktok, They were crying. I assume this is in reference to that.) (future sage again, i think about that tiktok *often*)

- "Yo, I wanna see, I think it is neat when you are.. me.." (Refering to C!Sherbert in first person)

- Wack Song #3 (Probably.)

- "This is my Music." Light changes to yellow as they say that, changes back to purple just as quickly

- "I'm doing okay. Ish. Maybe."

- "That's Ominous." They pause, light changes to yellow, once again changes right back

- They spot the DER, "..Rae.." (technically a HC!sherbert thing. Putting it here for ease. Also because sad.)

- Wack Music #4 (Probably.)

- "I see you guys cosplaying me. Is cool." (Refering to C!Sherbert in first person.)

- "I wanna learn a couple languages, Cause it's hard to figure out what things are saying sometimes."

- "'What languages do you wanna learn?' Well there's a lot of them I don't understand."

- Wack Music #5 (Probably)

- "'Is everything okay Sherbert? I DONT KNOW!"

- They then do a small rant about how they feel weird and not right.

- "Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow.."

- "My outfit for stream tomorrow." (Refering to C!Sherbert in first person, refering to C!Sherbert's outfit as their own.)

- "Every once and while we get some of my music" (Refering to C!Sherbert in first person.)

- "It's doesn't feel like hardcore."

- "Is that I no longer have a Fire Res potion on my belt." (C!Sherbert has a potion belt. I don't believe HC!Sherbert does.)

- Another Music time, Light changes to Yellow

- They go back to Minecaft, Light goes back to Purple

- Wack Music #6 (Probably)

- "I should try them in a potion, that's one of the few things i haven't done."

- "They've only caused damage in the past." (Refering to the Blue Mushrooms)

- "And also what happened with the. With the. The. With the potion."

- Wack Music #7 (Probably)

- During singing to said wack music, light changed to yellow. They change back to purple after.

- Wack Music #8 (Probably)

- While dancing along to said wack music, light changes to yellow, it stays like that even after the music changes

- "'Opinions on frogs?' I had so many- I had so many... I haven't even been to a swamp." Lights change back to purple

- Wack Music #9 (Probably)

- "'We need a doctor, Oh!' but we don't have one!"

- "'I just might drive me crazy~'"

- "I think it makes sense to put the potions underneath."

- They touch both eyes, specifically the blood, pulling their hands away to give them a look. They don't acknowledge it.

- "I'm okay. I'm okay, really." Pause, before the light goes yellow. It quickly changes back.

- "I am not supposed to be here." Light changes yellow. "But I am. But I'm not supposed to be here." Light does not change back.

- Wack Music #10 (Probably)

- "I'm gonna go to sleep. I'll see you. I'll see you." Pause, after yhey close minecaft, "I'll see you tomorrow. I'll see you tomorrow. I think."

- "I'll see you tomorrow. Bye." They do a little salute before spinning in their chair. They stare at their desk, presumably the note there, for a moment before turning back and ending stream.

《▪︎▪︎》

[FROM SHERBERT STREAM "The Beginning of the End."]

(future sage for note - this was a noting down what happened and what was back to normal and stuff, bc it technically concluded the break, so.)

- Starting stream frame different, On of the Rave room portals, looks to me brown

- Adding to that, Music is different, similar to the music used in rave room cut scenes

- With that, The Camara is slowly zooming out from the Portal (Quixis is there???)

- Border around the facecam is back to normal (Yellow and Purple)

- Light is back to Purple

- Flags are back to normal

- Eye is not bleeding

- "But like, Everything was like way more detailed." "Things could be round."

- They've rubbed at their eye a couple times

- They've also scratched at where C!Sherbert's scar would be

- Lights are switching color between Purple and Pink (Fading. (Just noticed that.))

- Among us are Yellow and Purple

- "Haley was like there. And Centross-"

- "I do not think Centross would ever chose to live with, especially after everything we've done to each other."

- "Sever reset make me cry." (Is that why they were crying in that one Fable tiktok??) (future sage again, please i want to know what the fuck that tiktok was about i think about it way to often-)

- "'No advancements?' Because I’ve done this all already? It’s a world reset not me."

- Kitty Quake ears are back to normal

- "'Are you still in Character..' Yeah, I'm still me!"

《▪︎▪︎》

#i uh #yeah this is what sage did with their time during the season break- /silly guy #anyway yeah i figured i should compile these into a post #preemptively i did not spell check any of this nor did i like. change it after i wrote it down #all of this was in the moment and people need to see my incoherence-#yeah #yeah.#i dont have a reasonable explanation for doing this other than 'i felt like this was important-'#anyway sage is normal and im thinking about many things on this list-#icarus morningstar #quixis #sherbertquake56 #fable smp #fsmp #a tag to help find my own posts

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kunikidas-lost-glasses · 7 months

Text

Nikolai saving Fyodor - Fyolai Drabble

HEAVY SPOILERS FOR BSD SEASON 5 AND ESPECIALLY FOR BSD SEASON 5 EPISODE 11 UNDERNEATH

Nikolai didn't gave Dazai and Fyodor poison in this. There was some other stuff in the injections but no poison. He just wanted to make the game more interesting and funky/entertaining.

Important to note: This drabble is connected to my BSD Fix-It AU with the only change being the circumstances under which Nikolai saved Fyodor and the reason why Dazai told Atsushi to write down that Fyodor would lose his ability.

It's not needed to necessarily read my other post in order to understand this post.

It's only important to know that the ADA managed to obtain the page and that Dazai told Atsushi to write on it that Fyodor would lose his ability. He knew about the consequences it would have and while he hoped that Fyodor was gone for good, he wanted to make sure that if he would really somehow manage to come back, he wouldn't try to start a war again, not trusting him at all.

This AU works with the theory that Fyodor is highly influenced by his ability.

TWs (PLEASE take them seriously): Mentions and descriptions of blood (a lot of blood), descriptions of injuries, panic, crying (a lot of crying), medical procedures, descriptions of being in pain, mentions of fever, mentions of getting sick, mentions of the medical procedure of stitching up/suturing wounds, descriptions of treating wounds, descriptions of struggling with loosing the ability to use one hand, descriptions/mentions of utterly neglecting oneself, slightly implied depersonalization/derealization, slight mention of feeling numb, mentions of death, mentions of being heavily influenced by something, short slight mention of one of Nikolai's graphic crimes (they were mentioned when the ADA took his case), mention of scars

Maybe a bit ooc. (I understand the characters I swear. I just enjoy writing stuff which is a tiny bit ooc to allow more fluff to happen. However I tried to make it not extremely ooc though.)

(I did bend the rules of legitimacy/reality a bit in regard to treating the injuries in order to make this possible as well as a bit more easier to write.)

It's all hurt/comfort tho and it does have a lot of fluff towards the end. I promise.

Word count: 6341 words in total

He didn't know what came over him but before the helicopter crashed into the tower of the prison, Nikolai used his ability to drag Fyodor into one of his portals.

Dazai and Chuuya didn't notice him using his ability.

As soon as Chuuya and Dazai left, entering the prison one more time in order to get Sigma out of there, hoping that he would be still alive, Nikolai hectically opened up a portal himself and used it to rush into one of his many hideouts in which he had teleported Fyodor

Nikolai had never felt so glad about all the different little hideouts he had everywhere where Fyodor would be in case he needed him for a plan.

Searching a hotel room where he could try to save the Russian would become quite difficult and bringing him to a hospital while both of them were wanted criminals (one of them on the run and one of them officially pronounced dead to the public) wasn't something he could do.

Nikolai wasn't thinking clearly anymore when he arrived in the shabby little house which he called his hideout and which he had purchased under one of his many many fake identities.

In fact, he wasn't really thinking at all anymore. At least not what he would normally think.

He always expected that if he would ever see Fyodor dying, he would be filled with a sense of relief, a happy and freeing feeling, knowing that he finally reached his goal and became free.

However now this wasn't the case at all.

The only things he felt were panic and some kind of denial.

He couldn't believe what had just happened. In one minute he was chatting with Fyodor who was sitting well and alive in the helicopter, his mind already filled with excitement, imaging their upcoming new game which would have something just between them and the next minute Fyodor had been stabbed in the stomach with a metal bar which was pinning him in place, his white prison suit was covered in red, thoroughly soaked with his own blood while his body was shaking and his voice was filled with pain.

Never once had Nikolai seen Fyodor in this much pain, never once had he seen the emotions of his dear friend written so clearly and openly all over his face and not once had he himself felt so awful before. Not once has he felt such fear while his own life wasn't in danger at all.

He had felt utter sadness and heartbreak before, yes. But not such a nearly hysterical panic.

It was deep, painful sadness which ran through his veins, squeezing his heart together when he had noticed that the eyes of his childhood friend with whom he had lived together on the streets and with whom he fell in love became more hazy, losing all the light in it and when his tiredness and mature character which came from all the trauma he already had to go through since a young age slowly turned into a harsh cold personality.

Nikolai could do nothing when Fyodor's ability started to take over his friend more and more as they grew older, influencing his mind and with that his personality as well as his actions thoroughly, seemingly merging Fyodor Crime and Punishment until Fyodor slowly became a part of his ability himself. Cold, cruel and harsh.

He could only watch as Fyodor started to act and when Punishment would take over completely for short periods of time. He was unable to do anything, knowing that the ability itself was just as intelligent as the one who wielded it.

Still, he knew exactly when Fyodor, even though his mind was still heavily influenced, was coming through more and still he knew exactly that the goal was to get rid of all ability users and with that all abilities came from his Fyodor.

Surprisingly, he couldn't bring himself to love Fyodor any less, despite his more cold and cruel personality.

The sadness however, still ran deep.

But he had never felt any panic and fear like this. Not when his own life wasn't in danger.

He had expected that the moment he would see Fyodor dying would bring him joy but the expected joy was a feeling of panic and denial which clouded all his mind and made it hard to think straight and instead of feeling a sense of victory upon seeing Fyodor's face twisted in pain, he felt sick to the stomach when he saw him spitting out a concerning amount of blood, feeling like vomiting himself.

If he could think straight, he would have possibly wondered why his mind wasn't acting up, refusing to try to treat his friend in order to reach his goal but now, he only could think about saving his friend, hoping that it wasn't too late.

He rushed into the bedroom in which he had placed Fyodor on the little bed, nearly tripping twice on his way due to running so fastly through the hallways.

Upon finally reaching the bedroom, seeing his friend, he felt his heart sink.

By now, Fyodor had fully passed out, his body lying limp on the bed. His face was covered in cold sweat, his hair sticking to his forehead and the now visible large stab wound was bleeding like crazy.

If Nikolai wouldn't have been used to seeing very disturbing things, he would have probably vomited but even now he still felt incredibly sick, not due to the injury but from seeing his dear friend like this.

For a short moment, he stood next to the bed like frozen before quickly bending down to check if Fyodor was still breathing and if he still had a pulse.

He knew that the chances were slim and he nearly didn't dare to check but he had to.

Upon feeling a faint pulse and upon feeling Fyodor breathing even though it were small and uneven breaths which he took, he felt like a giant weight got lifted off his heart, which felt like it was close to shattering in thousands of pieces, breaking beyond repair anyways.

However, he still couldn't feel real relief until he knew that Fyodor was in a stable shape again.

He knew that he had a lot to do now, knowing that he was still alive but he had barely any time due to Fyodor bleeding out at a rapid speed from his stab wound but also from his injured hand and the wound where Sigma had shot him.

Trying to frantically stop the bleeding through applying pressure to the wound, Nikolai remembered the trick he did with Sigma when the latter was bleeding out from where he was shot.

Sigma's injury had been way smaller, he had lost much less blood and he wasn't in such a bad shape as Fyodor at all but he knew that doing this trick once again, would at least give him some more time.

Carefully, he pushed Fyodor into his portal before looping him through the two portals which he had opened up, slowly letting some blood flow back into his body.

This time, he was much more careful than he was with Sigma and it didn't bring him any kind of entertainment at all.

He also reduced the distance between the two portals to being as small as possible, not wanting to let Fyodor fall through the air longer than needed.

After being sure that Fyodor had more blood in his body again, he quickly lifted him back on the bed, using his ability once more to grab the box in which he stored all his medical supplies from the bathroom, not wanting to waste any time and not wanting to leave Fyodor's side.

As soon as he held the box in his hands, he placed it on the bed, opening it with shaky hands and grabbing one of scissors inside of it in order to cut open the prisoner suit in order to treat Fyodor.

After cutting the remaining parts of the upper half of the jumpsuit open, he grabbed a cloth from the bathroom with his ability, pressing it onto the wound, trying to stop the bleeding while trying not to worry about the fact that Fyodor didn't even flinched or made any pained noise upon Nikolai putting pressure on the large wound on his stomach.

Nikolai himself was only taking short hitched breaths anymore as he watched how the previously brightly colored cloth slowly got soaked in the blood of his dearest friend, turning more and more red with every passing second.

After some time, of trying to slow down the bleeding and after using the portal loop a couple of times more to give him more time, he finally had the bleeding a bit under control which meant that he now came to the part he feared the most.

Nikolai had treated many wounds before.

He had been the one to clean and stitch up Sigma's wound while they were in a hotel on the way to the prison.

He didn't really feel scared that day. He knew that he had already treated and stitched wounds of his own already so why shouldn't it work with Sigma's wound.

Sigma himself wasn't really scared either. He had been lying on the bed, looking like all the life had been sucked out of him, the realization that his casino was really gone and that all the people in it were dead had crashed down on him, shortly after their little conversation after he had woken up again after falling from the Sky Casino.

If anything, Nikolai had been more scared of Sigma's clearly upcoming breakdown which was brooding inside of him, even if he was still feeling numb at the moment.

Nikolai also hadn't been scared when he had treated his own wounds, stitching them up himself.

He had done it multiple times as a child living on the streets in the Ukraine until Fyodor joined him, insisting to treat Nikolai's wounds.

Hell, he had even skinned a person before and didn't feel scared. Numb yes. Like he was watching it happen in a movie theater, yes. But not scared.

However now his hands wouldn't stop shaking and his breathing became even more quicker and hitched but he knew that it was the only way to save Fyodor.

Noone else besides him would treat his wounds. They had nowhere else to go.

He hectically grabbed the little chair which was standing in the room, pulling it next to the bed, sitting down on it, removing his now bloody gloves, putting on some medical gloves which had been in the box as well, placing everything he needed to start treating the wound properly on a new cloth on the bed, taking a needle into his hand.

Taking a deep breath, he told himself quietly that he had to pull himself together now and that he had done this many times before but that his hands had to stop shaking now or else he would mess it up.

It was one of the few times Nikolai genuinely prayed.

Nikolai didn't know how long he treated Fyodor's wounds and his hand but it felt like hours.

He made use of all the medical knowledge he had from books and from Fyodor himself as well.

He had asked his friend a couple of times before about random medical stuff, simply because he wanted his friend's attention and because he had wanted to talk with him and he had never been so glad about the fact that he asked him about it and listened to him before.

After he finally dressed the wounds, putting multiple layers on them before wrapping them all up in clean white bandages as well as after wrapping the hand up, he felt all the energy which mainly came from his panic as well as from his sheer willpower and his wish to save his friends life fade out of his body, his body practically slumping together on the chair as he still somewhat propped himself up, elbows on the bed and his head leaning against his hands.

The silence around him felt both defening and calming as he only now realized how quiet it was.

Only his own and Fyodor's hitched breathing were the only noises in the room.

While taking a couple deep breaths, he realized that he really did it, that Fyodor's life was (for now) pretty much saved but also realized what he just did, that he saved him instead of killing him, realizing that Sigma was right when he once told him that Nikolai was unable to kill Fyodor, that he needed him and was still attached to him too much to kill him off and that he still loved him more than anything but also, upon him finally coming out of his panicked state, tears started to form in Nikolai's eyes and he was by no means able to stop them from falling down his cheeks.

He was too tired and felt too much to even think about stopping them and like that, Nikolai sat next to the bed on which Fyodor who now looked like was sleeping if one ignored the sweat on his face, the hitched breathing and the thick bandages, was lying, crying more than he ever cried before.

He cried for more than an hour, his mind a mess and everything from the past weeks crashing down on him.

Eventually he didn't even knew if he cried because of the relief after saving Fyodor or because he was so mad at himself or maybe because he realized how deeply wrong he was or maybe because he felt so torn apart but he still wouldn't stop crying. The tears continued falling down his face and he felt like he would never stop crying.

Eventually he did though.

After the crying finally quieted down, he felt more worn-out and even more like all his energy and life got sucked out of him.

Everything hurted, he had a pounding headache and light hurted in his now swollen red eyes while his face felt like it was about to explode in general.

Slowly sitting up again, slumping against the backlean of the creaking chair, he let his gaze wander over Fyodor and the bed.

There was blood everywhere on the bed and on his medical supplies, the room was a mess, used cloths, cotton balls and tissues were lying around everywhere, his own purple now reddish stained gloves were lying next to the bed and Fyodor somehow still looked breathtakingly beautiful.

Nikolai just hoped that Fyodor would handle it well, especially because of his anemia or else he would have to steal some blood transfusions from the nearest hospital.

It would be no problem. He knew how to do it, he knew Fyodor's blood type for whatever reason he couldn't recall anymore by now and after what he had just done, a blood transfusion was nothing compared to it but he knew all the risks which came with one and it was really something which he had never done before unlike treating a wound (even though he has never treated such a large and drastical wound before and even though he had usually never saved lives before) so it was really something he only wanted to do if there was no other way anymore.

Besides this he wanted to draw as less police attention to his surroundings as possible so he wanted to refrain from committing any crime but if he had to do it for Fyodor he would do it without having to think about it twice.

He looked with tired and nearly empty eyes at the scene before him for quite some time before he scratched together all the willpower and energy he had left in his body to drag himself out of his chair in order to clean up a bit.

He cleaned the room and the bed a bit up, carefully cleansed all his medical supplies if he would need them again in case of an emergency and washed his hands which were stained with blood from when he tried to stop the bleeding earlier.

Afterwards, he fully got Fyodor out of his prison clothes and dressed him into some lose pyjama pants of his own.

They were way too big and way too long for him but he didn't wanted to let him lie there in either a torn apart bloody prison jumpsuit or just in his underwear.

He also put him some of his warmest socks on, not wanting to let the other freeze before placing multiple blankets on top of him.

He didn't wanted to put on a shirt on him since he needed to frequently change his bandages and also in case he quickly had to do something on the wound again but he also didn't wanted to let Fyodor freeze or get sick on top of all so he gathered all the blankets he had lying around or which he had stored in his portals, placing them on top of Fyodor.

He also put his hand on a spare pillow so that it would lay a bit higher, knowing that it would help for a better blood flow but also reducing the risk of Fyodor accidentally touching it in case he would start to move. And Nikolai wanted so badly that he would start moving soon.

Seeing Fyodor's body lie there so limp, made his heart sink each and every time he looked at him again.

His hand was beyond fixing. Nikolai did his best but it was so injured that he probably only could move it and the fingers a little bit.

It still worked but he most likely could never use it as much as before.

After everything was done, Nikolai sat on his chair next to Fyodor for the next days, holding his injured hand gently, looking at him, monitoring his breathing, checking his overall shape and looking out for him him general without a break.

Only when he felt close to passing out he would force himself to get up to drink something and to nibble on a slice of bread or whatever random "snack" he would find but he couldn't really eat anything. He didn't want to eat anything.

The only thing he wanted was Fyodor to wake up. To look at him again with those hypnotizing purple eyes of his in which he could get lost ever since they met and to speak to him again.

He would even be fine with Fyodor telling him that he would kill him. He just wanted him to wake up and to hear his soothing deep voice with the heavy Russian accent which he loved so much.

Just like when he cleaned the room and dressed Fyodor, watching over him he felt like in some kind of trance. Everything just passed by. He was caught up in his thoughts, thinking about Fyodor, about Punishment, about what happened, about his childhood, about their shared childhood, about his ideology, about freedom and his love.

He never noticed when he fell asleep. Sleeping and being awake kind of blurred together.

Often he would dream about Fyodor and about them as children on the streets. How he once took care of Fyodor in another cold and cruel winter when he got sick, shoplifting medicine and holding the shivering Fyodor in his arms as he sat on the ground the empty side alley in which they always slept, his panic rising the higher Fyodor's fever got and about how he wrapped his own coat about Fyodor in a desperate attempt to keep him warm and shield him from the cold which surrounded them even if that meant that he would freeze himself. As long as he could help Fyodor he was happy.

He dreamt about how he prayed while Fyodor's fever was the highest it had ever been and he dreamt about how he cried in happiness when Fyodor started to eat, talk and walk around again, finally feeling better.

He dreamt about them dancing around. He dreamt about the prison about the helicopter he dreamed over and over about Fyodor's pained expression but he also dreamed about how they would sometimes lie together in the bed of Fyodor's apartment at night, holding each other after Nikolai came over to Fyodor's place once again after having a nightmare, Nikolai listening to Fyodor's steady heartbeat, neither of them saying a word, only hugging each other, knowing that there will never happen more between them than this. A faint reminder of how close they once were as teens trying to survive.

He dreamt of purple eyes, cold but gentle and soft bony hands, black hair and the sound of a feather quill scratching over paper as well as flickering screens with the purple symbol of the rats.

He dreamt about birds and freedom.

The days would pass like this, Nikolai never leaving Fyodor's side for longer than a couple of minutes until one day after nearly a whole week, Fyodor's body tensed up, his face twisting in pain for a second, his breathing becoming quicker before he managed to open his eyes a bit, blinking a couple of times before his eyes fully focused on his surroundings.

Nikolai stared at him with wide eyes, not really daring to believe that what he was seeing was real and not a dream.

Upon gaining more and more consciousness, Fyodor sucked in a sharp breath due to all the pain he felt but his mind was still too clouded to really register where the pain was coming from.

He didn't recognize his surroundings so he moved his head a bit to look around but seeing who was sitting next to him wasn't something he would have expected at all.

Upon seeing Nikolai sitting next to him, staring at him with wide eyes, a mixture of happiness, relief and disbelief written all over his face, Fyodor's own eyes widenth.

He was the first one to break the silence between them, Nikolai seemingly not daring to do anything, still not really believing what was happening.

It took him a lot of energy but he managed to say Nikolai's name, his voice being awfully hoarse and sounding fragile and weak.

As soon as Nikolai heard Fyodor call out his name, he left his frozen state and tears welled up in his eyes.

Fyodor looked at him in shock upon seeing the other tear up, still not really being able to fully wrap his head around what happened and that he was alive but despite his mind being all messy, he tried to squeeze the other's hand out of reflex, only to realize that he couldn't really move his hand before a piecing pain shot through his body making him flinch hard, causing another wave of pain to roll through his whole body this time and not only through his arm.

After the pain got a bit less again, he finally realized that his stomach and his shoulder were covered in thick heavy bandages which were neatly wrapped around him as well that wasn't wearing any prison clothes anymore.

The memories of what happened before he passed out came back as well and while he had been so sure that that was it, he was now lying here and since he could tell that this wasn't any official hospital or an infirmary at the prison he knew exactly who brought him here and who saved him.

Upon realizing all of this, he looked at all the blankets covering him before looking back at Nikolai with such a soft yet pained gaze.

It was then when he saw how awful Nikolai looked. He had lost a lot of weight, there were deep dark shadows under his eyes, he still wore his clown costume, just the hat, the card covering his eye and his gloves were missing but it looked messy and there were blood stains all over it. However since Nikolai didn't seemed to be injuried at all, Fyodor could tell that it was all his own blood which was still all over Nikolai's clothes, showing him that he hadn't even changed after cleaning up, hurrying next to his side again to stay with him.

His white hair was a mess as well and looked like it hasn't been combed since days. Even his braid which was usually done all neatly and accurate was a mess, strands of hair being out of the braid here and there and the bow at the end of the braid seemingly trying it's best to hold the last remains of the once braided hair together.

Nikolai was pale and looked more worn-out and tired than Fyodor had ever seen him and to his surprise, he felt his heart sink upon seeing his friend like this.

He wanted to say something, asking Nikolai what he had done but before he could say anything, Nikolai cried out that he hated him, tears starting to fall down.

Fyodor was caught off guard at first before a soft smile spread across his lips and he managed to say "Thank you Koyla" before he tensed up again, another wave of pain making his body feel like it was getting stabbed in the stomach all over again.

Nikolai stared at him in disbelief before gently lifting Fyodor's bandaged hand to his own face, cradling it and holding it softly against his cheek, looking at Fyodor with a wobbly smile before breaking down crying once again, not letting go of Fyodor's hand.

Fyodor just looked at Nikolai and for once he did let himself feel how painfully in love he himself was with Nikolai.

Normally he tried to suppress it, denying himself any kind of love he felt towards the other but now he couldn't bring himself to even just try to do so.

He was glad that he woke up to Nikolai sitting next to.

He couldn't say anything to Nikolai as the latter cried, since the few things he said already took out all his energy so he just lied there, looking at the other with a small smile.

Eventually Nikolai pulled himself together again, carefully laying down Fyodor's hand on the pillow again, however not letting go of it before asking him a couple of things about how he was feeling which Fyodor answered with either nodding his head or shaking his head.

In the following days, Nikolai would continue to take care of Fyodor, gently propping him up against the headboard of the bed, feeding him soup and other more nurturing dishes he would cook for him as well as making him drink a lot of water and tea.

He also made him regularly take iron supplements and fed him sweets every now and then to help his body to recover from the blood loss.

They didn't talk much. Fyodor couldn't talk much anyways but it was off-putting to see Nikolai so quiet and drowned in thoughts.

Fyodor knew that he had to leave him alone with his thoughts now and that he himself had to sort this battle between his humanity and his ideology out for himself.

Nikolai would change his bandages and the covers of the blankets regularly and kept a close eye on the wounds.

The wound were Sigma shot Fyodor in his shoulder healed good and quickly but the wounds on his hand and especially the large stab wound were healing slowly but luckily, neither of them showed any signs of an infection.

Fyodor did his best to appear put together when Nikolai was changing the bandages but sometimes he couldn't prevent himself for making pained noises, flinching hard or tensing up, hashly sucking in the air.

Nikolai never made any comments on it but he often looked at him with a worried and apologetic expression.

He hated feeling so weak and vulnerable and he was horrified of Punishment lashing out an Nikolai whenever he was in a lot of pain since it tended to lash out when Fyodor felt threatened or in pain so he was often lying there utterly exhausted after Nikolai exchanged the bandages, partly from the pain but mostly from trying to keep Punishment at bay in his weakened state.

He felt Punishment rage inside of him every single day and he found himself having the urge to get revenge on Dazai and Chuuya and the whole ADA.

However one day, just when his body was in a good enough shape for him to slowly start to get up again he felt the harsh feeling of Punishment inside of him as well as the influence it had on him disappear completely in just one moment.

It didn't fade away slowly, it was like someone had just flicked off a light switch and turned it off.

Suddenly he regained his whole consciousness again, his mind which always was a bit messy and foggy due to Punishment's influence suddenly feeling completely normal again.

He didn't really know what happened but the disappearing of his ability made unable to leave his bed even more again.

All the memories of what happened crashed down on him besides of parts where his ability had taken over completely, and the guilt was eating him up alive.

In addition to that, he had to fully readjust to having his full consciousness back.

Mostly however, he had to wrap his head around the fact that he was only Fyodor now. Not Crime, not Punishment, only Fyodor.

He felt the rage and the twisted thoughts disappear and it made him both utterly relieved and scared.

It was like a part of him got taken away but he didn't felt less whole now. If anything, he felt like himself again despite the guilt eating him up alive and it confused him more than anything.

Nikolai was there for him the whole time. He wouldn't leave his side before and he wouldn't leave his side now.

When he had entered to room, seeing that Fyodor stared at him in disbelief and fear, his eyes not being hazy anymore and lacking all the coldness but now being filled with light again, Nikolai would have nearly dropped everything he had been holding at that moment out of disbelief and shock himself.

He immediately recognized those eyes and at first, he didn't dare to believe that for whatever reason, Punishment was gone for good now.

Nikolai himself, was having a battle with his mind over all this time and slowly he let himself believe that he could be together with Fyodor while being free at the same time.

Nikolai knew by now that Fyodor returned his feelings and he knew that he would wait for him until he was ready and Fyodor did wait.

He waited until they were both ready to finally put into words what they were feeling all those times before, taking the step to finally get together.

Fyodor recovered slowly but aside from the time after losing his ability where he got worse, he was recovering steadily.

Nikolai, who had put his clown attire away by now and who slowly started to eat more again as well as started to somewhat take a bit care of himself again due to Fyodor refusing to eat until Nikolai ate something himself, helped him the whole time.

He continued to feed him, he changed the bandages, made sure that bed and room were clean, after Fyodor was able to sit up again for a few minutes without being in too much pain he would gently wash him every day, he brushed his hair making sure that it wouldn't become matted, he changed his clothes regularly and when the time came he helped him to slowly sit up without leaning against the headboard for support again, he helped him to move around in his bed to scoot over to the edge of the bed, sitting on it and placing his feet on the floor again for the first time since weeks if not months and eventually he helped him to stand up again, taking his first few wobbly steps again.

The first time standing up again was nerve wracking for both of them.

It had been painful to sit up on his own with only a bit support but it was much more manageable than when he first tried to sit up.

He couldn't stand lying in bed any longer.

Nikolai had been looking at him, his eyes filled with worry while he was firmly holding Fyodor's healthy hand with one, and his forearm of the other arm with his other hand.

After getting used to the feeling of sitting up and after the first row of pain got lesser again, Fyodor looked at Nikolai and nodded, him being as tensed up as the other himself, before using all his energy to drag himself out of his bed and up on his feet with Nikolai's help.

His weakened legs were shaky and wobbly and he immediately felt like passing out, his anemia making him see black and flimmering colors for a second but before he could fall, he felt Nikolai wrapping one of his arms around him, careful not to touch the wound on his stomach, steadily holding him and preventing him from falling, letting him slump against him until he was able to see something again a few seconds later.

His legs were shaking, his breathing became faster and he was clinging with his healthy hand to Nikolai as if his life would depend on him but he felt more genuinely happy than he felt since a long time, finally being able to stand again.

However, he quickly had to lie back down again upon the pain and the exhaustion becoming too much, making him feel dizzy and like his legs would give out on him any moment.

Nikolai himself had a big smile and teary eyes as he told Fyodor that he did great, feeling relieved due to seeing how well Fyodor was recovering and that he would be able to walk at least short lengths again being written all over his face.

He also helped him to slowly move his hand more again but just as he had suspected, Fyodor couldn't really move or do anything with his hand anymore.

Teaching himself how to write and how to handle a weapon with his non dominant hand wasn't that difficult for Fyodor but he did struggle with doing daily activities with mostly only one hand and he grieved after not being able to play the cello anymore.

Nikolai tried his best to cheer him up whenever he saw that Fyodor was getting frustrated again because of his hand or when he sensed that he became upset when listening to music including a cello again.

After getting up again for the first time, they would continue to train getting up and walking around again.

The first few times, Fyodor had to hold onto Nikolai and often wasn't able to take more than two or on good days three steps before his legs felt like they would give out again and before the pain coming from the large stab wound became too much again.

However after quite some time had passed, he was able to walk around more freely and without having to hold onto Nikolai as much again.

He was still shaky on his legs, walking quickly became exhausting and painful after a while but he got better and better.

It still took a very long time until he was able to fully get out of bed over nearly a whole day, to walk around and do things completely on his own but Nikolai was there for him the whole time and he continued to be there for him even when Fyodor had fully recovered just like Fyodor was always there for Nikolai when the other needed him.

When the large wound was finally so well healed that Nikolai could finally pull the stitches out, he did try his best not to tear up again, the process reminding him of how he was desperately trying to save his dearest's life but also showing him once again that he did manage to save him, reminding him of how far they came.

After they finally got together after Nikolai was ready and after they both were both in a much better state, both physically and mentally, Nikolai would often kiss Fyodor's injuried hand, holding it as gentle as possible if Fyodor either was upset because of it again or if the chronic pain which developed from the injury became worse again.

Fyodor would always have two large and messy looking scars and a fully scarred hand now but Nikolai didn't mind. He would always tell Fyodor that he looked beautiful, despite all the scars which the other hated so much and he would frequently kiss them whenever he got the opportunity to do so.

After Fyodor had fully recovered and was able to live more independently again, they moved out of the little shabby hideout to live a quiet life underground in a small but cozy house under fake identities and in a different country, far away from where everything went down.

Due to Punishment being gone, Fyodor had no desire to start another war or to get revenge on the ADA anymore.

He just wanted to get as far away from anything which reminded him of this time as it was possible.

He craved to start a new life together with Nikolai, far away from all the things which reminded him if the past.

They might still had a long road of recovery and redemption in front of them but they both felt happier than they've ever been and their relationship was a true and honest one, based on a deep and mutual understanding for each other and based on utter and deep running love which would never end.

If you read all of this, thank you so much! I love u <3

I hope you liked it!

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