#sorry for venting here but i literally don't have anywhere else to | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kalims · 3 months

Note

Hi, there! :D

I don't know if my request will be taken into account but you mentioned that it's okay to try.

I am not throwin' away my shot >:D (sorry my indoor theater kid comes out from time to time)

Type: Headcanons

Reader: Neutral

Scenary: The NCR boys see that a student from Noble Bell College or RSA who has been trying to flirt with the prefect, in a bold move steals the prefect's (first) kiss. How would they react and what would they feel?

I feel like it would be a rollercoaster of occurrences and complete chaos in NCR xD

If my request does not convince you, you can discard it without problems, but if not, take your time and without pressure, thank you 💐🌼✨👍✍️I love your TWST fics they always make me smile .

whisk away

premise. despite your many efforts of evading your seeming admirer, they remain persistent in their pursuit. you've considered just leaving them in the dust without an explanation whatsoever but you're too stunned to process the fact that they've just kissed you without a warning. next thing you know there's a murderous aura approaching.

characters. silver, jade, deuce, kalim, vil

note. you didn't really specify which characters jhshs so I took the liberty of scouring your blog and just put the ones you seem to like ^^ and I kid you not, used a wheel for the other 2 lol (so sorry, was gonna post this earlier but got busy since presentations came up so I only finished now.)

silver

has a mixture of shock and anger. which is mostly for your sake honestly, he wasn't gonna intervene cause he felt like you would wanna deal with it on your own so he feels the absolute mortification slipping into his bones. if he wasn't fully awake, then he definitely is now!

fully ready to talk some sense into that idiot who has no sense of space, hello?

last time he knew, you weren't really dating anyone. silver would know if you did, cause you both talk practically everyday and a lover would be something he should be aware of... unless you didn't talk? I mean, who else would just kiss you like that?

someone unpleasant. he decides. one look at your face and he knows immediately that it wasn't something you expected as well.

just pulls up with a rare look of anger directed to the student, brows furrowed, shoulders tense and all. everyone's used to the serene, calm look on his features so seeing him look so different probably put off said student so they scampered after a promise made by silver if they dared to stick around.

"leave, or find out what happens if you don't."

gone is the anger *poof* and is fretting over you now. are you okay? do you want him to knock some sense into that idiot? literally tell him anything, order him to do anything, and he'll do it (within reason) my guy is just here for your sake tbh.

kinda gloomy cause damn, that was your first? he wanted both of yours to be first and some grade a hole just decided to shatter all that. it makes him all the more irritated so if he can't have your first kiss, he'll just take your second, and every single other kiss you'll give.

jade

take the murderous aura and multiply it tenfold!!

jade doesn't really need to reach you and make his presence known by a few words cause it seems like everyone but you within 10 feet radius of him is sensing the murderous aura he's emitting. if it's not feeling that, then it's seeing the eery dark smile present on his face.

and he seems to be having a death march towards a specific direction so everybody knows where to avoid atleast. cause it seems like anyone on his path is gonna get trampled and no one likes a messy hall.

student in front of you pales, deluding themselves that maybe he's just heading somewhere behind them to vent out that rage or something but they glance behind and almost piss their pants when there is in fact, no one present near anywhere and he's getting closer.

so... they wanted to live so they just bolted out. an experience with one of the tweels won't be good news, and if jade is the one who has them in his sights... they'll take the head start thank you very much.

with the students face memorized and tucked into a corner of his mind he smiles almost innocently at you when you spot him and strike the most casual of conversation.

well, that's under the guise atleast. he's shooting you subtle questions about that person to which you reply innocently. oblivious to the grave you're digging for them yourself.

oddly enough jade started being strangely affectionate, a hand on the small of your back, maybe on your shoulder, arm, or a pat on your head as gratitude. but he seems to like kissing the back of your hand a lot...

*turns his head in their direction after kissing your hand*

deuce

I'll be perfectly honest. he doesn't really have much of an impact in terms of the intense aura that should have been felt. he looks a normal degree of angry, that's why the person hasn't gotten chased off even with the clear signs that deuce will be swinging a fist at probes.

unfortunate that's exactly what the person does. despite your clear reaction of disgust they still use you to rile up deuce. cooing at him while reaching for you, and chuckling about how they didn’t even know him, nor is it any of his business to interfere between two... lovers?

oh so they wanted to impact? they're gonna get one right now 👊 since it seems like they want to get to know him so bad they can get well acquainted with his fists, you know?

he made a promise to himself not to get involved with these type of mishaps! or at the very least resort to more peaceful methods than using violence as a sort of communication. the guilt eats him up a little but he thinks he'd never stand for someone who would disrespect you so blatantly!

almost comically, he looks like he spouts a pair of ears that of a dog's and turns to you. looking more apologetic compared to the fiery look he had a second ago, if he had a tail it would be tucked between his legs out of shame or something.

"I'm really sorry," he says. sulking. deuce apologizes to you, not for his choice of knocking out this random in the middle of the street but because of the fact that he did it in front of you. (also he's kinda jealous...)

if asked, he can, and WILL do it again.

don't blame him though! discreetly whisks you away to grab a bite. having literally no regards to the body looking like it's soul got knocked out laying, and looking out of place on the ground. maybe someone will check on them but definitely not him, they deserve it!

kalim

gasps loudly. "noooo!"

which is like a public proclamation that seeing that did everything but please him. which also means he's basically admitting he's jealous in an indirect way, might as well just say he likes you or something (he probably will if asked because he thinks it's nothing worthy of hiding.)

bounds up to you asking who that is quite loudly to the point where it would seem like he just stumbled upon you cheating on him. it doesn't help that he actually looks sad, teary and all. jamil is off, having paused in his trail since he was previously chasing the boy who ran off.

now he isn’t sure if he wants to get involved now. this is so embarrassing.

lowkey other student would just look back and forth to you, then to kalim. the latter in question unintentionally ignored his existence to be honest, since he was too busy shaking your shoulders and probing the answer of you.

"why would you kiss a stranger...?" he trails off, you did answer. kalim is genuinely wondering to himself if it was that easy cause damn, he scratches his head. that made no sense (says the guy who is making no sense.)

he makes it so obvious that he's pondering with the finger under his chin, eyes lost pointed at the air and the unnecessary loud humming... at this point the atmosphere became more awkward because you and the student is staring at him in bewilderment.

drag him off please, and explain it to him elsewhere. public is NOT a good place. so instead of him saving you out of a situation like this, you save him? talk about being built different...

vil

what in the sevens... he surely hopes his eyes are working correctly lest he needs contact lens, or glasses for that matter. either way he'll positively be as beautiful as he ever was.

although he's very pleased that someone notices the extent of your beauty, there are... other ways to express fondness admiration for you, and vil just can't respect someone who doesn't seem to have any shame for themselves for pressing on boundaries.

so this... fool clearly is a mere taint on your image!!! rid of them immediately! you needn't dirty your pretty mouth, rook does love cleansing the world of dirt like them so it's for the better good if they just never dare to appear to your face ever again.

what better way to hurt someone than aim for their pride? *trash talks so good about their attitude that they actually be pondering their life choices*

don't get him wrong. he doesn't like them, like at all. vil can full well do more damage by nit picking details about them they probably aren't even aware of but he'd never willingly give another person a reason to be insecure about themselves, even if they did terrible things.

plus, there's better ways to teach someone a lesson. they'll learn.

who wouldn’t be scared of an angry vil? they scampered away pretty quickly from a few words, even quicker when he mentioned rook but it's their problem to be paranoid whether the hunter is following them or not to be honest.

frets over you right after. living the dream.

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terrible-roleplay-experiences · 6 months

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This feels ridiculous and embarrassing to admit, but I can't admit this anywhere else, so I need to revive this blog for a minute to vent.

I feel so depressed that Omegle's gone. For me, it was such an integral part of my fandom life - I felt like I'd literally die if I couldn't somehow pretend that I inhabit the worlds that I'd come to so intensely love, whether the source material is from a book, a show, a movie, a comic... and combined with how much I love creative writing, written roleplays were perfect.

I didn't realize how much I'd integrating roleplaying into my little routines until I found out that avenue was permanently closed today.

It's so stupid. I know life goes on, it's a new beginning, at least I had this for nearly a decade and I still have 3 active roleplays going that originated from Omegle, blah blah blah.

It just feels like there's less of an escape from real life - I don't want to have to go back to only reading/writing fanfictions and having a fandom-centric tumblr.

This all sounds so whiney and not how I meant it to come off; sorry about that.

I'm just sitting here wondering what to do with my life now as I grieve that part of my fandom life (again, yes. I know: life goes on. It'll be fine. I'll be fine).

I don't know. I know things like RPNation exist, but it just doesn't hit the same; I don't want to feel like I have to go online fishing in the hopes that I might get lucky and get a decent rp partner.

It always felt like as long as I could mentally disappear into my favorite worlds for a while, everything would be okay. And now that this big emotional crutch is gone, I'm just floundering and panicking.

Which, again, is so ridiculous and embarrassing to admit.

Just hoping that by venting a little and grieving publicly at my own expense, maybe it'll be easier to move on.

-Mod Strawberry

#omegle #omegle rp #omegle roleplay #fandom rp #roleplaying #mod strawberry

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arowrath · 5 days

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speaking of psychosis- i wasn't speaking of it here but i was speaking of it- i've been trying to figure out what was up with the great psychotic episode of freshman year, because i had assumed it was a trauma-induced psychosis type of deal, but it occurred to me that i was definitely having sort of thought broadcasting types of beliefs, probably some other stuff but i can't remember atm and don't feel like digging thru my old vent account lol. (ramble continues under the cut this got VERY long)

(line with text so tumblr doesn't eat the image. idk if it still does that but better safe than sorry)

(the months with "2" are split into first and second half of the month bc it was relevant, couldnt figure out how else to signify that succinctly)

i cut out the labels of each belief for safety + in case that's triggering to ppl but each row is a different belief i had that in retrospect was probably some sort of delusion? top two are very similar but different enough i tracked them differently. bottom two might have just been anxiety+ptsd but i do really think they're connected to this

it was definitely at its worst mid nov-end of jan, but started in september and didn't really let up til like june

anyway like i said i had assumed it was a combination of trauma and being off my meds and isolation that made the perfect situation for me to go fucking crazy, but i hadn't really thought about it that hard . but now that i Am thinking about it, again, i was definitely having these kinds of beliefs before The Trauma

and in my past self's defense. one thing about my thought broadcasting beliefs specifically was that i was straight up being essentially cyberstalked at the time and didn't know, so i was completely right that certain people knew more about me than i had told them, but i was wrong about the reason why

anyway i was reading up on schizospec disorders for class (kind of. also just for fun) -- also important context schizophrenia does run in my family i think on both sides? but my parents are weird about talking about it. so that's part of this also.

but i noticed that of the three labels i was looking at- brief psychotic disorder, schizophreniform, and schizophrenia- (i didn't look into schizoaffective bc i dont think i have many bipolar symptoms, and didn't look into stpd bc i don't think it counts as a personality disorder if it lasts like 10 months lol, and delusional disorder because i do think i had some negative*&cognitive symptoms (*psych term meaning absence of things present in nonschizospec people, not literally just bad symptoms lol)-- though to be fair, that may have just been a combination of situational aspects & autism?)-- either way, it's not on this beautiful and awesome diagram in mspaint i made so i could illustrate the timeline aspect of the diagnostic criteria:

bc a diagnosis of brief psychotic disorder requires symptoms to only last a month, and schizophreniform for 1-6 months, whereas schizophrenia is lifelong .

basically the problem is- while the worst part of my psychotic(?) symptoms lasted ~4months, they were definitely there in some form for around 10 months, which is too long for a diagnosis of schizophreniform, but i don't feel comfortable just, assuming it's schizophrenia lol, especially when most of the symptoms i experienced dont affect my life anymore? it does make me nervous though that this happened right around the typical age of onset.

this might just be a problem with diagnoses being too specific to cover the entire spectrum of human experience, and i might just be outside of any area where a specific label could be applied . also, i know it's been written about but not become an actual diagnostic label- but there are places where ocd and psychosis can over lap, and schizo-obsessive disorder has been suggested as a diagnostic label, but not officially used anywhere afaik..

i think my main concern at this point is just, whether or not i should be concerned about it coming back. like, is it possible to be in various stages of active psychosis(?? it still feels very strange to refer to it that way but i guess that's what it was, so) for ~4-10 months, and then just be chilling after. or should i be worried. was this a one-time thing starting because i was off my meds and being worsened by isolation and trauma or is there a possibility of this happening again. and i think that's a question that can't be answered with any certainty, probably

#text #health tag

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anti-endo-haven · 1 month

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I'm sorry to vent about this here but I don't think I have anywhere else to go..

I'm so upset right now because I currently have a hyperfixation on hazbin hotel + I have headmates that are hazbin fictives and are unable to source separate and now I have people coming at me on my blog for supporting vivzie. I don't. I don't watch her stuff on a platform that gives her money and I don't support her as a person. They tell me to work on it, to have my headmates source separate, but I literally can't. We're still in the same place that made us a system in the first place and online is our only safe space. Hazbin has been a good distraction for us and it's not something we can control. We struggle heavily with source separation and barely any of us are able to do it (we've had like 1-2 source separate mostly because we don't know anything about their source).

Hey! Everyone has a place here. We don’t support Vivzie either because all the stuff going on, but one of our hosts is a Hazbin fictive that hasn’t source separated.

Some people can’t source separate. You can’t control who you introject.

You don’t deserve harassment for something you can’t control.

If they’re coming in as anonymous, turn that ability off. If you know who they are, block them and report for harassment.

Just because someone can’t support you and understand that you can’t control who you introject or they see it as something problematic, they don’t have to interact.

You have a place here and you always will.

Much love! ❤️

Have a cookie!

🍪

#anti endo #did system #system #osddid #traumagenic system #endos dni #endos not for you #actually did #actually traumagenic #did plural #did plurality #osdd plural #osdd plurality

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nerves-nebula · 2 months

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k im gonna be in my feelings about my race again so here we go

i sometimes worry that the way my mom raised me has made me permanently cut off from other black people, because she never seriously called us black. she was racist about a lot of stuff but she specifically insisted that if we wrote our race down on a form we would check both black and white, or just "other", or black, white, AND other.

i've talked about this before but i never referred to myself as black until i was about 15, maybe 16, so for the majority of my life i wasn't black i was just "mixed" and black americans were a group of people neither my mom nor my dad wanted me to be.

i still remember sitting in the gym and hearing some guy trying to tell his friend where he'd put his backpack or something, and he'd said it was next to "the black girl with long hair" and his friend stopped by ME and looked back for confirmation, before his friend told him he meant the other one further down. and idk how to explain this feeling.

cuz like, i was homeschooled, so i didnt even have the chance for other people to call me black. i only met the people my mom wanted me to meet until high school. ironically, it felt kind of like passing, which is absurd for two reasons:

the history of the word "passing" originates from (i believe, though i might be remembering wrong) black people who could "pass" as white deciding to do that and disengage from identifying as black. so the fact that i'm referring to it but like positively and in reference to how it feels as a trans person to get gendered correctly is kind of funny.

i am literally black. im not even so light skin/white featured that i could be mistaken for white i am LITERALLY VISIBLY A BLACK PERSON my dad is from NIGERIA

and yet!! i was relieved that someone else called me one unprompted because i was and still am sort of afraid that everyone else can tell i am Not Like Them. that i was raised to think i'm not like them. that i'm not Really Black, that I'm new at this cuz i only started calling myself black a few years ago. i know that my experiences are black american experiences because i'm a black american but i just. i worry that the opportunity to be a part of a black community will never happen!!!

but then i see my siblings. my younger brother is fully culturally a black american. he did a lot of sports growing up so he picked up a lot of black american subculture from the other kids there, and my oldest sister is getting more in touch with black communities too. they're like an activist and do politics and shit. i'm not sure what it is i need to do but i can see that it's possible i just need to fuckin!! talk to more black people!! go to black events!! but i can't because i'm an agoraphobic freak that doesn't go anywhere i don't HAVE to go!! and i feel like i don't belong with black people because i've had it drilled into me by my mom that i'm not one of them and i'm not black enough and it's laughable to call myself black.

but im not even sure if i can vent to black people about this cuz it sounds like i'm whining about having to be black or something that isnt a real problem but it really fucks with me sometimes it's like fucking race dysphoria or something (can't think of a better word for it sorry)

anyway the point is i'm fine i'll figure it out. i just need to keep trying. i try to find black people online and become painfully aware of the fact that i don't know how to find them and just have to keep searching shit like #black queer or #black artist until i find some ppl i wanna follow.

special circle in hell for ppl who give their kids racial complexes.

#nnstuff #racism tw #vent #anti blackness tw

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chickalupe · 6 months

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Feeling very down right now, just want to vent...

(Treating this like my old Livejournal since I don't really have anywhere else I can complain LMAO)

I've been out of work since August after completely running out of FMLA.

Between getting severe COVID in February and being out recovering for 6 weeks -- and then with Long COVID making the chronic fatigue and migraines I already had even worse -- I ended up missing so much work that I used all the time FMLA allowed before the year was even half over.

I'm living with my parents now and don't really have income except my savings; honestly most days I don't have the physical or mental spoons to even contemplate applying for even a part-time remote position yet. Thankfully I also have a retirement fund I am slowly cashing in, even if that also isn't really sustainable long-term. (But me losing my insurance will definitely be an issue soon when I run out of refills for my prescription meds...)

I'm aware that I've been pretty isolated since August; I've gotten maybe like two texts from former co-workers. I'm mostly asleep during the daytime and don't drive, so going out is hard. The person I consider my BFF is out of state and is busy with their own life. The only people I talk to most days are my Mom and Dad. (Admittedly, I am also pretty terrible about calling or texting people!) Tumblr has thus been the majority of my social interaction, for good or ill.

On top of all that, my birthday is this Friday and I always find myself depressed anyway this time of year. Like, it's probably half Seasonal Affective Disorder, and half a reminder that I'm a year older and having mixed feelings about where I am in life, IDK... But the current situation of *gestures vaguely at everything* isn't helping. So I am very blergh in general.

My parents and I had made vague plans a couple weeks ago that we could all go out for dinner on my actual birthday; nothing fancy, maybe the nearest sit-down Mexican restaurant. I was kinda looking forward to it. Mom just informed me that she is now unavailable after 5pm on my b-day itself since she offered to babysit kids for someone in their church that evening and night. We can't do it tomorrow night either, because Mom & Dad will be at a craft show from 4pm to 10pm.

And... it's fine, I guess. I'm disappointed but I'm an adult. I'm not gonna throw a tantrum or yell and cry or try to guilt her about it. She brought me flowers from the grocery store as a sort of peace offering and says we can still have cake or whatever. We'll probably do something on Saturday instead.

But EVERY YEAR, it's something. Last year, it was the cheesecake I asked for as a birthday cake getting dropped on the way into the house from the car; over half of it was smushed and then Dad stole the best remaining slice for himself. The two years before that, it was during the worst of the pandemic so I just had mediocre delivery food. I literally cannot remember the last birthday I really enjoyed in over a decade and half.

Another big source of anxiety right now -- we found out have 60 days to move since the leasing company is selling this house. So we have to find a new place, be packed and then move by January. Meanwhile home inspectors, realty agents and potential buyers are walking through while we're still living here, and it's super stressful. Words can't express how much I hate strangers being here any and all days of the week.

I guess I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. I'm not trying to be whiny or woe-is-me, but my mental health right now is uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Not Great (tm) 😅. I do try hard to be positive but it just takes so much energy and I'm stressed and a little numb.

Not really sure how to end this. I just really needed to put it all in writing as a journal-type situation so that I don't end up crying in real life LOL.

Current Mood: burnt-out 😑

Current Music: HGTV playing in the background

#personal #don't reblog #personal don't reblog #vent post #life update

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iamthecomet · 8 months

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I found out today that my sister's mother-in-law got to see Ghost at a festival I think before Copia was Papa because she mentioned Rats. But now I'm crying again, like I keep thinking about concerts and stuff and it feels so stupid but it makes me so sad. And I feel bad because I keep wanting to talk about it to you know just get it out of my head but then I feel bad talking about it with people because I feel like I'm annoying them.

Sorry for the vent I just needed to at least say what I'm feeling to someone who understands it all, thank you for always listening to me by the way even if it is just random spurts of asks that I send you it means a lot to me 💜💜💜

I wanted to ask if you have any Copia headcannons at all or Phantom/Aeon they're the ones I've been obsessed with lately in writing, reading and everything else.

I spent most of the day with my sister and my friend though so I had a lot of fun today.

🕸️

♥♥♥♥ I'm sorry. It's totally fine and normal to be sad about it. And you can always come and vent to me about it. I don't mind, it doesn't annoy me. It's ok to need to get things out of your head, it's good to talk about shit instead of holding it. All that being said. Here's a handful of random headcanons I have about Aeon and Copia.♥

Aeon: -His skin sort of looks like the night sky. Complete with bright freckles that look a little like stars and lighter splotches that look like distance galaxies. -Maybe unpopular, but to me Aeon isn't shy necessarily. He's eager. Wants to fit in and be liked. He isn't overly confident at first (he's the new guy, come on) but gets that way quickly. -Outgoing. Friendly. Always happy to help even when other people don't want help. -Quint/Earth Hybrid. I don't know why--he just is. So, in line with my other headcanons this means he has one purple eye and one green one. -Much more in tune with his quintessence than earth. -So. much. energy. Where does he get it all? No one knows. Some of the other ghouls find him exhausting (in a lighthearted way) to watch.

Copia: -Closer with his ghouls than any other Papa. Very attached to them. Especially Mountain, Dew, and Aether. Who taught him literally everything he knows about the Ghost Project and ghouls, and honestly how to run the church. -Has a couple pet rats that he keeps in his room and takes very good care of. He is a very responsible pet owner, honestly. -Spends his downtime (what little he has) playing old video games, and trying to relax--which is harder than it should be. -Spends more time with his ghouls than the human members of the clergy. He feels safest with them--and accepted in a way he doesn't anywhere else. -Knows a lot more than he lets on. I think the "bumbling fool" personality is a ruse. He pays attention. -The brains behind all of the onstage costumes (including the ghouls) he has a taste for the opulent. And isn't afraid to spend the church's money to get what he wants.

#comet comments #comet canons #🕸️anon

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uzidoormanhatespedos · 5 months

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okay actual post time

hi, you can call me uzi on this blog but i dont really care what you call me. pronouns wise i also dont care. for all intents and purposes just think of me as uzi but transmasc/nonbinary/genderfluid

I hate radqueers, especially zoos and pedos. I'm pro recovery so if you recognize that it's wrong and are seeking help, great. i have sympathy for you and i am wishing you a swift and safe recovery. if you don't see anything wrong with it, or god forbid, you're proud of it, get the fuck off my page. you are not welcome here.

if you actively hurt animals or children, you're done. it's on sight. i don't even think of you as human. and i'm not sorry about that.

if you know my main blog, no you don't. if you know my vent blog, no you don't. if you know any of my usernames or aliases anywhere else, no you don't.

i will tolerate proshippers to an extent but you are on thin fucking ice. keep that shit away from me. i generally consider it a bit of a red flag that someone has a few screws loose. "fiction doesn't affect reality" people stfu yes it literally does. to those of you who use it as a coping mechanism for trauma i'm very sorry and i hope you can get better soon.

also mogai and otherkin people are awesome i have nothing against yall

everyone who has half a brain still intact, have an amazing day <3

#text #anti radqueer

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thatoneguy031 · 9 months

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Can I talk about something? Out of character, I mean.

It's a long post, but you don't have to read it if you're not interested. It's more of a vent post than anything else.

I've been having a hard time with this blog. Not in the popularity sense, this is what I expected from this kind of thing. I mean like... I don't know what to do with it. I've experimented with a few things(You can go way back in my post history if you want to see what I mean), but those ideas sorta fell flat, no?

This was originally meant to be a storytelling blog. I wanted to share my little synopses of my characters and plot points or whatever, because I was genuinely proud of what I've done so far.

Then I resorted to trying to be a comedian. I would try to post something funny under most reblogs, leaving them be if I couldn't come up with a remark of any kind.

It wasn't until recently that I decided to turn this into a Pokemon IRL blog, and I'm not even doing that well with this. That, and I'm afraid that I come off as self-centered, so I cut any posts that give that kind of vibe. Heck, I even tried doing a playthrough series, but I keep forgetting about it, and when I do remember that it exists, I just postpone the next update to oblivion.

I really want to keep this blog going, and trust me when I say I'm going to, but it's not going anywhere, and I feel like nothing is happening. At first, I thought it was just Tumblr having boring days, but I realized that I'm just not doing anything entertaining. My blog just turned into a pool of reblogs with the occasional Pokemon-related post or rant. And I mostly wait for either @the-one-from-dres or @drizzileiscool to bring up the occasional topic that I might have enough insight to talk about. Sorry for @'ing you guys, by the way, I just need folks to know who I'm talking about. Y'all the goats.

Once I got my drawing tablet, I thought that I could do a bunch of art stuff, but then it devolved into the same potential self-obsession problem, where I would just draw that one character(which is literally just a Samurott with anxiety and a Goku complex, let's be honest with ourselves here) over and over again. I have other characters I can draw, and I'm even taking free art requests. Granted, I haven't gotten any requests yet, but the option was still there.

And that's how we got here. I have to retake my Regents in literally under 24 hours, and I'm bitching and moaning about how I'm not getting anywhere in my ha-ha internet blog, which everyone already takes as a joke anyway.

If anything, I think my problem comes from a lack of communication. There was this like, 4 day period that I didn't hear a word from Dres, and I thought he hated me for something I did, until he involved me in 3 back-to-back reblog games literally the next day.

I still feel awful about it now, it was so petty of me to even think that way. For context, Dres might as well be my day one, and he's inadvertently taught me the ins and outs of Tumblr, like how to use tags and things like that. Hell, we even played DnD together once. No exaggeration, he's the closest thing I've had to a real friend in years, and I'm convinced that's only the case because he hasn't seen me in person.

I love him deeply, and only wish the best for him. To think that he'd leave me after I did basically nothing, I've really hit a new level of desperate. He likely had his own things to do, while I'm still stressing about things that probably don't even matter in hindsight.

Back to my original point, I want to do a lot more on this blog, and I also wanted to make it a chill place.

That's one of the reasons why I don't talk about politics myself. I don't want to get involved in things like that at all, because I want people to live without worry. The furthest I go with that kind of thing is "Stop being dicks to each other. We're people, deal with it." I know it's more complicated than that, but at this point, I'm almost scared to get involved in that kind of thing. I don't even know what a terf is. I didn't know Rowling was a bad person until recently when Drizzile was talking about her.

And it's like, I don't even know why it's so hard to talk to people for me. But at the same time, I think I really have something wrong with me, but I'm too scared to get it checked out. And, while I'm not getting into personal details, I don't have the right circumstances to even have that happen in the first place. That's the out of character reason why I say I might have ADHD, instead of outright saying I have it. I literally can't get it diagnosed myself if I wanted to, and I don't do the self-diagnosis stuff because I always get paranoid and think my problem is worse than it is. For example, I've convinced myself three times within the past year and a half that I had appendicitis, because I would get this really specific pain in my stomach. Guess who I told about it?

No one. I was terrified of wasting someone's time just for it to be me freaking out over nothing, and if I'm being honest, I still am. At this point, I have a plethora of things wrong with me, I know that now, but I don't ever get them checked out. I'm doing well so far with them, why worry about it now.

I just don't want to offend anyone. All I wanted to do was make a place where I and other people could have fun.

This is still going to primarily be a Pokemon IRL blog, but I'm doing something different. Please, if there's anything you all want to see on here, let me know. Stuff for Guy, art stuff, whatever floats your boat besides the obvious. And I'll do my best to keep up with my stories and fanfics or whatever. Once I get my stuff settled again, obviously, but I don't want to make it seem like I'm doing this for myself.

I don't want to turn this into a pity party. I really don't. At this point, I'm sick of having people worry about me. Whenever they do, I feel like I'm being an attention hog, and it sucks. If you did read this, thanks for listening. I just needed to get this much off my chest.

#ooc #ooc rambles #serious #long post #personal #vent #again. you don't have to read this if you don't want to

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surplus-of-sarcasm · 11 months

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Heya this is for the ask anything post- What makes you angry? Anyy pet peeves you have. I wanna know like a bunch of them if you are comfortable with that.

Well, unfortunately, a lot of things piss me off, but I can't list them all in one post, that'll be crazy long, so here are a few.

People being judgemental of my issues. Dude, I'm not even asking you for support, just please, you don't know the full story, and even if you did, you don't get to police how I react to things.

Emotional blackmail through dumping issues on people. Listen, venting to others is completely okay, and it isn't a sign of weakness nor is it something to be shamed for. It's actually healthy behaviour, and I really do encourage it. However, there is a huge difference between venting and literally trying to commandeer everyone into focusing about you, your issues and only that all of the time, demanding not just an unreasonable about of time and attention but also that your issues become theirs. Like, true, obviously, if someone I care for is going through a tough time, I'm bound to feel upset, but the thing is, this person hasn't actually demanded that I feel miserable, it happens because of my own empathy, whereas with the emotional blackmailers, they just want to dump all their negativity onto someone else, regardless of how it affects them. It's not wrong to seek attention, and I don't demonise those who may act up because of it because we all have at some point, but wanting to make everything about you 24/7 is just plain selfishness.

Lying. Pretty self-explanatory, but no one likes being tricked, especially when you build feelings based on lies, and it all turns out to be smoke and mirrors. I like it when people are upfront about their feelings instead of resorting to deception. Fake friendships are disgusting to me.

Making excuses for those who don't deserve them. I'm all for forgiving and forgetting, but sometimes the excuse is worse than the crime.

Exclusionary behaviour. Making people feel "weird" because their interests are different from yours. Side-talking and whispering in front of others, even if it's not about them. Mockery of others for the "fun" of it. Just alienating others to "boost" your social standing. Cheap, not classy, and if you pull this crap, there's a good chance I'll hate you.

These are all, major stuff. Here are milder things I find annoying.

People talking or being noisy when I work (ex:, not shutting up during a test)

Sticking gum anywhere that isn't in the person's mouth or in the trash. Please, have some class.

Waiting. Necessary, but really goddamn annoying.

People cancelling plans every single time. Like sure, sometimes stuff comes up, or you don't have the mental energy to go, but like not every time.

Well, that's all, sorry this turned into a rant of sorts, but you did ask what angers me. Ty for this ask though, anon! 💙💙💙

#the little gremlin answers #not writing #anon ask #lamy.txt

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saviourkingslut · 2 years

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A take that I've seen pop up more than a few times is the idea that those of us that think Claude is OOC in GW are actually just Dimitri stans who want Claude to follow him around like a puppy. Which I found to be super weird, because of a lot of the people I've seen say that Claude is OOC are... Claude fans, for the most part.

Like yeah a few Claude fans don't think he is because they erase/downplay traits that are very important to his character so that he could fit their evil grimdark edgy fanon version of him sorry not sorry, and most Dimitri fans think he's OOC, but for the most part it's people who like Claude (for who he is in the game itself, not WhAt He ShOuLd HaVe BeEn FrOm ThE dRaFtS) who are saying this.

But would you look at that, almost without fail, you go into the profile of someone spouting that take... their fave lord is Her Majesty, and/or they ship Edel///claude. DAMN NEAR EVERY TIME. And wouldn't you know, Claude is punished for ever standing up against Her Majesty in BOTH of their routes (by the Deer in GW and through LITERAL DEATH in SB's bad end) and is rewarded for doing good by her and never inconveniencing her (through gaining people's trust).

Hm, really boggles the mind why it's mostly Her Majesty fans who like Hopes!Claude, can't really see the connection here. And it TOTALLY isn't projection when they say that it's Dimitri fans who want Claude to follow Dimitri around like a puppy, that totally isn't what they want Claude to do for Her Majesty nope totally isn't the case.

Sorry, had to vent somewhere because my god, I just wanted to go into the dimi/claude tag on Tumblr (and it's in the tag itself, not just the search, how fun) and I saw this take that has LITERALLY NOTHING to do with dm/cl crop its dumbass head (written by, you guessed it, an Edel//claude shipper) and I had to get this off my chest

ayy dw abt it gotta vent somewhere. i wouldn't really know what types of people in fandom are into gw claude bc i don't really go anywhere else but my curated tumblr experience, but it would make sense for edelstans and/or edel//claude shippers to prefer him more bc he is a lot better suited to their version™ of the three houses universe and the characters in it. the entire point of verdant wind is that he wouldn't choose her side bc of what she wants and especially how she goes about achieving that and that he's different from her bc when he is presented w/ new evidence abt the church he listens and chances his view. i know one red emperor who would never (and would never let him do that, either). lmao. ive seen throuses claude enjoyers who were really happy abt thropes claude tho, so i know they're out there.

also idk abt other dimiclaude shippers but there is nothing less interesting to me than claude "following dimitri around" or whatever the hell like girl i want claude to gently but firmly soft-dom dimitri into taking care of/loving himself. i want them both to get satisfaction out of their relationship and be tender and feel loved and inspired in each other's presence. i want them to discuss the future of fódlan together as equals and have long conversations abt their hopes and dreams and their fears and faults. etc etc. like sorry all y'all want some guy to walk after a girl who doesn't want him to think for himself but im different

#asks

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souscramble · 1 month

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obsidian looks so tempting but im really intimidated to use it ... i noticed that it's not like Google docs where i can just send the link to someone and they can read it either. id need to publish it i guess and that's a specific service...

venting ahoy 🥶

it's 5:47am as i type so it makes sense that im tired but i can't help but feel unmotivated to write about my ocs... i just really idk . i know you're supposed to do art and shit for yourself but im not that fucking enlightened... if nobody is going to pay attention to it i won't do it, shrimple as that...

i could probably draw other things to practice my art skills right? but the only thing i NEED to draw are reference sheets for ocs.

i NEED to design a stuffed animal type character so i can commission these people if they open commissions. but i don't have a Sense of self so it's impossible for me to Even be satisfied with anything i draw. if i end up owning this thing irl how much will i care about it? because ive done this before without a proper ref and paid the price... i don't hate him but i don't love him either. pressured myself for paying 300 for a 20cm still from an artist i never even heard of nor did i like them or their style

i NEED to draw Rodney so i can finally have a reference for one of my ocs. he has a full backstory, side characters, relationships, and id like to talk about him, but only a small group of people actually know him bc i had a horse to represent him on ponytown and i actually roleplayed with him. my friends have a sense of his character. i can't talk about him with anyone else bc nobody would ever read a Google doc on a mf they can't see, but how ridiculous is it to put a horse up. i did that on my last doc in an attempt to do it for me and nobody else but let's be real it doesn't matter how much of a friend you are im sure it's embarrassing and cringe so i won't be sharing that doc again sorry for wasting your time, and my own time! he needs a proper ref but i can't draw his hair. i don't want him to have bangs but i jmgffhckydkfullufdul can't draw hair with no bangs. everyone i draw is too cute anyway. nobody would ever care if he was just in a cute silly style like i usually do for everything.. nobody would think he's a complex character. just a really lame design i should sell on DA

these are the only things i need to draw and everything else feels like a waste of time. i don't have time to practice to learn and change my style but even when i do have the time i just feel so fucking exhausted i don't want to live anymore like. just being anywhere is exhausting bc im always expected to clean up after others and it feels like nobody gets me... id really love to live alone if i could afford it but everywhere around here would probably suck even though i don't want to leave this neighborhood p

im just so tired maybe it's because i just woke up it's 6:05 i just want to be someone else if i were if o if i looked better id be more confident if i was more interesting and had better struggles growing up then id be interesting and have character and personality besides won't attention seeker. can't believe i got 0% histrionic on that test like no i need people. iv love my friends but i need strangers who don't even know who i am to admire me. i need supporters and fans that I'll never talk to i need to not be just a random person standing at a bus stop i need people to think im attractive and interesting and they want to get to know me and then they do and find out im talented and smart and interesting, not weird, introverted, and ugly, and yet i can't shut up about things nobody cares about. if i were handsome or cute im sure they would care about whatever bullshit i have to say. ugh

it's not fair why can't everyone just be beautiful and happy why do there have to be unattractive people in the world what the hell did we do to you why do we need to learn to love ourselves this literally sucks and it's detrimental to my health i wish i could go change my appearance and start my life over. would be fun to compare

#sou unhappy

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icklefluff · 7 months

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I blocked the amithheasshole Tumblr because it's just become a breeding ground for pro/shipper and whatever they call themselves types to feel validated lmao. roaches know they can't go anywhere else and ask "🥺 would you call me the bad guy...?"

it's all the same dogwhistle-laden nonsense. you aren't fucking slick

you let them in and they'll fester. literally can't enjoy a single fucking thing (AI|TA) without them creeping in. I have all the tags involving them fucking blocked and I still can't avoid them seeping through their niche little community because they feel the need to validate themselves on blogs for everyone. the blog is going to just get worse as people see they can get away with this. I can't fucking escape being violently triggered no matter how many words I block.

this isn't a discourse post, I'm venting about my abusers lmao.

I know firsthand the damage that rhetoric causes and I'm not the only one, much as they convince themselves they're blameless and harmless. normalizing and fetishizing abuse and r/pe isn't "harmless" , all it does is feed into the r/pe culture that Already Exists

just look at Alex yandere/dev. that's not an outlier, that's just the norm with these insects

this isn't a formulated argument and I know someone would love to reply with a "um, actually-" and I'm not here to debate. stay the fuck away from me. I've heard it all before. I was off tumblr for a while to avoid this kind of thing and when I got back I've curated my experience carefully and Yet. And yet.

I fucking hate all of you.

go beat off to rape like you love doing instead of processing your problems. Wonder which one of you becomes the next yan/dev?

I know c/n/c is a thing and more nuanced kind of thing but I don't need to make allowances and have a comment made for everything on a vent post lmao. that's not even what I'm talking about.

If you managed to find this untagged post them respect this one boundary for once in your miserable fucking lives and leave it alone. So sorry that being referred to as disgusting makes you feel bad, maybe you should try being a decent human being if it bothers you so much

#i dont check my notes and im not here to argue #this is a vent post and not a debate.

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