#hate worrying about my mom all the time 🙃🙃

[larentslovechaos]

-

#hate worrying about my mom all the time 🙃🙃 #pretty sure she's on something again #don't know what #but i don't think she really understands how serious it is #like i don't think she cares at all #it's sad #but like whatever #i can't help her i can't stop her i can't do anything #the 'birthday card' she gave my dad was completely incoherent #like it was literally a thank you card and she didn't even fill it out all the way #like she wrote thanks with her name and 'you're' and that was it #she said she was gonna go to my grandmas house but then never did and has been in her room since about 5pm and it's now 9pm #i just don't even know what to do i'm convinced she'll do anything to 'get her way' #very sad #anyway 🙃 #sorry for venting here but i literally don't have anywhere else to

[pikapeppa]

15 questions for 15 friends

Tagged by @elveny and @johaerys-writes -- thank you, my loves!

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? My mom. Apparently my dad really wanted to name me after my mom and she was like "ugh really fine" LOL. My dad is also named after his dad, who was named after his dad... REAL ORIGINAL. This is going to sound like a total humblebrag, but my mom and I are both published academic authors, so we have to use our middle initials to distinguish who published what 🙃

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Probably in therapy last Thursday LOL. Though I got a little prickly-eyed earlier this week watching the episode of ATLA where Zuko and Aang go on their lifechanging field trip to the Sun Warriors' secret village 😂❤

DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Nope! Childless by choice.

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED? I played T-ball when I was 5 or 6 (hated it, cried so much that my parents pulled me out LMAO) and I was on the volleyball team in Grade 6. I'm left-handed and I had a habit of serving into the wall, unfortunately, and the habit got worse when I was nervous. During one game, they took pity on me so much that they paused the game until I got the ball over the net. I was fucking humiliated and have never played a team sport since then. 🤣💀 Re: other physical activities, I like dancing! I've taken a ton of different kinds of dance classes including swing, salsa, bellydancing, and Bollywood dancing, and loved all of them!

DO YOU USE SARCASM? No. Me? Never. 🙃🤣 Forreal though yes. All the time.

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Uh...! I don't know if there's any one specific thing? I usually take in an "overall impression" of appearance. Vague, but that's all I've got. If the question was "what's the first thing you notice in people you're attracted to", that might be a different story 🤣

WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR? Brown.

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? I am going to copy Johaerys's answer and say it doesn't matter to me, as long as the story was good. But also, who says scary movies/horror media can't have happy endings?? 🤣Haunting of Hill House, anyone? (Bittersweet, maybe, but it counts as happy to me!)

ANY TALENTS? Would it be wretched if I said I feel like writing might be a talent? Whatever, I'm saying it. 🤣😅

WHERE WERE YOU BORN? In a hospital in the same city where I currently live! Which I will chose not to reveal openly! 🤣

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES? Writing! It takes up a solid 75-90% of my free time. Also gaming (which I might count into the writing time since it often becomes Research™ for the writing 🤣). I also enjoy baking and cooking, though I don't know that I'd count those as hobbies since they're necessary ADLs?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS? A cat named Meeko. She is my daemon. We can never be apart when I am home. Case in point, a photo taken in real-time while completing this quiz:

HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5'3".

FAVOURITE SUBJECT IN SCHOOL? Uhhh... what level of school are we talking here? In undergrad, I took an incredible linguistics/history course about writing systems, and that was probably my favourite class ever. I took a course during undergrad about different schools of psychotherapy that was pretty damned influential too.

DREAM JOB? I also loved Johaerys's answer here: "I don't think there's any sort of job anyone could do in this capitalist hellscape we're all currently living in that would be enjoyable enough to make up for, well... living in a capitalist hellscape." I'm lucky enough to work in the public healthcare system so I'm pretty safe from the worst of capitalism, I guess, though my job (speech-language pathologist) is one I chose more for practicality (certainty of employment) than because I was really passionate about it. If I could do something else and not have to worry about money, I would either want to be a fiction editor, or a sex therapist.

Tagging forward to @ranaspkillnarieth @iamcayc @heroofshield @fantasy-girl974 @hellas-himself @midnightacrobat @alyssalenko @vorchagirl @elinorbard @stuffforthestash @mwasaw @lordofthenerds97 @y0ureviltwin @ladyofthelake91 @perhapsrampancy @cha-mij and genuinely, anyone else who wants to share!!! Tag me so I can spy on your life! 🤣❤

#tag meme #about me #tumblr game

[khaleesiofalicante]

Hola Dani...! How are you?? How has your weekend been?? 🤗

So here's the story (it's not really that long) but it involves TLND...

First I would like to apologize for every single time I have called "obliviousness" in stories unrealistic because Holy fuck!! 🙃

So today I got this delivered to my house...

I'm a shitty photographer but it's a bouquet of red and white roses with some Christmas flowers in it, very pretty 😍 and it smells amazing 🥰

And in it there was a simple card that said, I hope you're feeling better, love... and the signature and it's handwritten!!

Also in it... a small package of RAISINS!!!

Now, I don't hate raisins but I very much don't love either... I just won't stop eating something because it has raisins in it 🤷🏻‍♀️

So I obviously texted him to thank him for such a beautiful present and I wasn't even going to mention the raisins but HE himself brought it up and I asked, why raisins? And he says:

"Because of that book you were reading where the characters expressed their love by eating each other's raisins..."

To which I reply by explaining to him that it wasn't exactly like that and basically proceed to explain all the nuances of TLND Malec...

And it wasn't until hours later when I was talking to my favorite cousin that I realized (she pointed out) that he had used the motherfucking raisins to tell me he has feelings for me 🤦🏻‍♀️

No wonder I'm so chronically single, I can't tell when people like me 😭

And then I asked him, and he told me that he has had feelings for me for YEARS, he apologized for getting the raisins thing wrong and then asked me out on a date 🥺

Hindsight is now 20/20, I should have noticed because it was obvious 😫

And the thing is, I don't know if I want to go on a date with him, we've been friends for years and what if it doesn't work out??

I don't know what to do, he doesn’t even live in the country he's only here to spend the holidays with his family, although his mom told me a while ago that he wanted to move back 🤔

Wow... it was a long story 😬 but yeah, that's it, that's the thing that happened to me...

What would you do?

Soy amarte mucho mucho siempre 💚💚💚

I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS AND I WILL BE SHARING ALL OF THEM. A LIST IS REQUIRED RIGHT NOW. VERY MUCH SO.

First of all, I squealed at this whole thing. Wtf. I don't squeal. I only *makes dragon noises*

Red and white flowers are such a good combo. (i find them very catholic but okay that's just me). ALSO HANDWRITTEN NOTES? OKAY THEN.

"feeling better....love. AMOR. WHAT. OKAY.

AND NOT THE MOTHERFUCKING RASINS OMG? WTF? TLND BRINGING PEOPLE TOGETHER. I NEED A NETFLIX MOVIE RN.

Also this man is the 'he might be a little confused but he got the spirit' meme

ALSO YOU OBLIVIOUS NUGGET I CANNOT

*more screaming*

Okay. Okay. As to what to do now. You should obviously do whatever the fuck you want. Duh. You're smart. Amazing. THE best. You'd make the right decision!

*clears throat carefully* but if I may, this guy seems so sweet. (but he is still a guy ew). For me, the two most attractive qualities in a person are 1) paying attention to the things we're passionate about (i can't believe he remembered the raisin thing!!) 2) giving a shit (the gesture was so romantic i always thought what in the lightwood-bane is going on lol)

I know that you are worried about the friendship. That's a very valid concern when you start dating a friend. But here is the thing. If it works out, it works out. If it doesn't, it doesn't. Sometimes when it doesn't, it's a little awkward. That's very normal.

But I've noticed some guys act like a dick about it. Like, 'if you can't date me, i don't wanna be friends with you' or whatever. And if this guy is like that, if it someones who acts like a child because you both tried something and it didn't work out and you decided to move on as adults, then this guy is not not worth being your friend OR your boyfriend.

But if it works out, then that's amazing! If it doesn't and you decide to be adults about it, that's even more amazing! Because are there are no 'what ifs' and regrets.

As I said, it's up to you. I know you are dealing with a lot right now and this year has been difficult with a lot of ups and downs, so when good things come your way, it's important to seize them and give it a shot.

I hope you know you deserve ALL the good things. This guy kinda seems good so 👀

Anyway. I love you and I'm so excited for you!!!

#this gave me so much serotonin you don't even know oof #alex babygirl

[yesimwriting]

We're only 2 chapters into Final Girl and I'm hooked. Something I really like is that Y/n's parents actually play an important role. In most fics of any genre, Y/n's parents are usually only mentioned and never important to the plot. Either that, or they hate Y/n or are just dead 🤣 it's cool to see the reader have an actual relationship with a parent. Gloria seems very protective and high energy.

I get why she's so wary of guys. Teen pregnancies started declining between 1991 -1996, so I like how this chapter alludes to the fact that teen pregnancies we're a problem. Your keeping us on our toes when it comes to all these unanswered questions. For example - where's our actual dad? Did he die? Did he just leave?.....Did Wells kill him? 😮 I can't wait to find out. No spoilers, I love being surprised lol

Brooo the way Billy and Stu were just trying to be all caring towards me 🥴 like how Billy grabbed our hand and so did Stu. I definitely feel like they took advantage of Y/n not thinking clearly. I mean, the way Stu just casually gripped MY THIGH after telling me he could knock me up just as easily? You get the sense that he definitely was jealous that our mom was worried about Billy but not Stu since she hadn't met him yet. Y/n not pushing his hand away just goes to show how she really thought he was joking and she even admitted that her mind felt like mush aka she's kinda on another planet.

Them calling me angel was cute, but it also makes me wonder how they act around Tatum and Sid. Stu is always touchy, but I wonder if Tatum will ever think there's more to it 🤐 Billy's more subtle, but if my man was calling another girl 'angel' I wouldn't be happy. It makes me think maybe they were being extra sweet bc they thought they could get away with it ya know? There's no way Billy would have been like "Wouldn't want anything to hurt that pretty face" if Sidney were there 🙃 and since Y/n's high, Billy and Stu probably felt more daring. It would explain why Stu kissed Y/n's forehead too, he figured since Tatum wasn't there, he could get away with more.

Hope you don't mind me ranting 😂 I just had a lot to say. When it comes to chapter updates, I personally would prefer shorter chapters with MORE frequent updates since I'm impatient and it'll make it easier to remember things I think lol but it's up to you! I love longer chapters too, but there's gonna be more info to remember all at once and it can cause you to have a harder time remembering.

this is one of the sweetest things i've ever gotten in my inbox!! i seriously love you <33 never apologize for ranting about something i wrote in my inbox!! it makes me so happy :)

thank you for picking up on the mom thing!! i've read so many fics where the parents are only mentioned once or are just neglectful/abusive, which works really well in some fics, but the plot for Final Girl really needed a parental figure like Gloria :))

i'm also happy you mentioned the whole teenage pregnancy thing in context of the time period :) that plays an important role in Gloria's views and in one of Y/n's main goals which has been sort of implied but will be more blatantly stated in the next chapter!

also love that you're already thinking about Y/n's dad,, you're one step ahead but it's def important!! no spoilers, don't worry, but i will say that girly has some daddy issues!

and the hospital scene!! yes Billy and Stu were fr taking advantage 😭,, they saw that Y/n was tired, injured, and medicated and realized that they could kind of push the line between friendly and flirty and she wouldn't think about it as much as she normally would!!

THE THIGH THING omg! in Stu's defense, he didn't go into the room with the intention of being touchy, it's just kind of a thing that happens with him. He's not one to feel guilty (i love him, he's my bf, but he's capable of little to no empathy) but after hurting Y/n he told himself that he'd give her space, but then when Y/n mentioned the mom thing that played into a bit of an insecurity

i feel like Billy and Stu are both prone to certain insecurities (but they'll never say it unless they're doing so to emotionally manipulate you a bit 😳) and in his head, Y/n saying that about her mom and Billy made him feel like Y/n doesn't see him in that way at all, and he was fr about to have a hissy fit!! the thigh grab was definitely him giving into a darker instinct to like 'prove' to Y/n (and himself a little *cough*) that she does want him in that way and the fact that that kinda shut Y/n up a bit and she didn't push him away calmed him down a little

you're 100 percent right when you say that Y/n thought he was joking and that's why she didn't move, i don't like writing Y/n as super naive and innocent to the point where it's unbelievable, but it's fair to say she's a little sheltered, she hasn't had very many close 'guy friends' and bc they're both dating her friends, she genuinely sees everything as a form of teasing bc she gets easily flustered, sometimes she even actually gets annoyed when they come on a little stronger bc she thinks they're making fun of her

she's especially calm about the way Stu acts around her bc he's basically the same when he's around Tatum, so she doesn't feel like it's inappropriate bc Tatum hasn't expressed having any problems with it

the Billy situation is a little different bc he's less expressive/touchy, but the two of them are smart, they frame all the flirty and couple-y stuff they do to Y/n as a form of comedic teasing, especially in friend group hang out settings, like Stu makes it seem like all the 'flirting' with Y/n is more about competing with Billy, and Billy pretends to only occasionally play along for the sake of bothering Stu in a 'all in good fun' sort of way lol

that's definitely getting shown/explored some more when we get into some of the more friend group scenes, especially bc Y/n fr loves Sid and Tatum

also y/n's so convinced that they'd never see her in that way and that if she ever feels weird it's bc she's not used to having guys around, so she kind of just goes along with everything? she doesn't think twice, which is both a good and bad thing

Our boys like that she's kinda easy to push when it comes to the line between friendship and something more, but it's also a tiny bit frustrating, especially for Stu

Billy gets where Y/n's head is at and that her inability to see what they're doing is cute and innocent and not a conscious thing, Stu sees it like that to a certain extent, but sometimes he does start to wonder if it's a form of rejection, that's when he pushes the line a little more to the point where even Billy is like reign it in bestie,, she can't tell when she's being hit on but she's not stupid lol

also thank you for answering the chapter thing!! i get the being inpatient thing lol, this week's going to be a bit rough bc it is my sorority's rush week (yes i'm a sorority girly 😭 my deep dark secret) but these kinds of messages get me so excited about writing and get me motivated!! which is good bc i'm so tired but also in such a mood to write :))

now i need to apologize for rambling but i just got so excited after reading this :)) anyways i'm working on part 3 now and even though tumblr erased most of my original draft 🙄 we're getting back on track!!

#anon #ask #scream 1996 #scream x reader #billy loomis x reader #billy loomis #stu macher #ghostface #final girl fic

[star-mum]

Criminal Minds 3x5 - Live Star Reaction

I have a lil list now of Sunny’s favorite episodes from the season, so I will be doing a lot more CM “postage” <33

Okay at first I thought it was an airport oops

Fun fact ! I almost got lost on a mall once as a kid, my aunt was with me trying clothes in this store and forgot I was with her ? And left when she was done? (8yo me had enough common sense to stay put and wait near women) she came back looking for me soon but still, that’s a memory I had forgotten for a while 🤭😗

The aunt called but she’s not here (?)

A joystick controller ???? Also Garcia taking charge 👀 hello

Oh there there the rest of the family is

ALRIGHT I HAVE 5 MINS OF CONTENT, TIME FOR SOME DETECTING

- person was taller than Kate but not necessarily an adult, could be an older teen

- Either someone she knows or who doesn’t look necessarily threatening (could be a woman?)

Why is the uncle blaming his son ???? Sir yOURE THE ADULT ????

I know this family is going through hell right now but all these adults are so unlikeable, ALSO they’re giving me weird vibes (the husbands specially)

Obviously the girls mom is worried something like the Jessica Davis murder might happen to her daughter, she’s sobbing but the dad ? He’s so calm, physically and they’re both SO INTERESTED in that murder (would a parent really want to know the horrors that might happen to their child in detail, like this man just asked to hear)

Why is the uncle trying to DERAIL THIS INVESTIGATION ???? Maybe she’s “just lost” ?????

Are they in on it somehow ? The “tries to insert themselves in the investigation” is so fucking ingrained in my brain, maybe that’s what the dad is trying to do about the JD situation

I hate when the EP name becomes significant 🙃

“Something else lured her away from the arcade” We did see that pink balloon !

“Why would you say I taught her well and not we taught her well?” Considering that she’s probably a stay at home mom ? If any one parent is teaching Katie is her mom?

“We’re not participating in any affairs” ...that you know of, thats kinda the point of an affair

OKAY! I’m even more inclined to the possibility of the unsub being another an older kid, if Katie did have issues with a classmate/friend an older sibling could’ve taken great offense to it

Also the necklace ? It’s very expensive gift and I’m assuming her birthday is either coming up or just happened (cause of that first scene) so maybe she got it as a gift from someone who told her to keep it a secret, that’s why she told her parents she found it

The unsub didn’t want the necklace tho, they didn’t take it they threw it away (maybe they’re angry at Katie for having it, maybe “she doesn’t “deserve” it?)

Okay wait wait wait, we’re just a little after halfway through the episode, and theyre pretty much sure Katie was being molested by her uncle (and his son probably knew something about it or was hurt too) and i just WANT TO PUT THIS OUT THERE ON THE OFF CHANCE THAT IM RIGHT

When the they just lost track of Katie’s scent, it was because a vent from the food court was confusing the dogs and I thought to myself “huh maybe the unsub knows a lot about this mall, maybe they went there on purpose just in case, also they kept themselves just shy of the camera view AND who mentioned having worked retail a long time ? The aunt

I was gonna mention that to support my claim of it being a tween (this person doesn’t need to work in the mall, just spend a lot of time there, and in this suburban of a town? Malls are The Hangout Spot)

Anyways this is just in case the uncle had nothing to do with it, cause he was acting really weird the entire time (the dad was as well)

OH MY GOD WHAT IF THE COUSIN WAS HURTING KATIE ???? OH MY GOD, IS THIS WHAT REID IS GETTING AT ???

JESSICA DAVIS MAYBE ???? Sunny you were right to send this one my way, this is insane

I’m pretty sure I have said every possibility but if any of them are right, I’m an evil genius

If they’re all wrong, Im a humble genius

I know they’re “officers of the law” and what not but god do i wish they could beat up pedophiles (and Im sure they would agree)

MOTHERFUCKER I WAS RIGHT AAAAAA LETS FUCKING GOOOOO

And the reason why I figured something out was THE SAME THING THAT EMILY REALIZED

Idk how easy this one was to find out but I feel pretty smart right now : 3

Literally holy fucking shit, Emily should get to deck this lady out

AND SHES THE ONE WHO CALLED THE POLICE !!!!

That was the most satisfying scene to watch, I wish Prentiss had yelled more at her actually, I wished she slammed the table, thrown a chair around

THEY PULLED A GREYS ANATOMY ON ME !! THEY PLAYED SAD MUSIC ON TOP OF A MONTAGE TO MAKE ME THINK THAT LITTLE GIRL WAS DEAD

Really fucking good episode, holy shit

I think I would’ve been forever fucked in the head if Katie died so good she didn’t

[rinrinx2]

I seriously can’t wait to see Nanami suffer now! With the way he treat his wife & sons😞

I want to see his family and friends reaction to his actions! You know being a terrible father and husband oh and having affair on top of that.

Oh we can’t forget the mistress family and friends🙃 imagine her mom and her dad learn that their daughter is a homewreck and she doesn’t feel guilty about it. Oh and the man she loves is type of man to cheat on his wife/mother of his childrens and spends more time and energy with his affair partner then his wife and kids 🙃 yeah sweetie I’m sure you’re parents love him and totally support your actions and relationship with him in the future and not totally think you are not delusional thinking that your relationship is special ( because I sure that HIS WIFE thought too ) and not wasting years of your life with a man who won’t divorce his wife until he is caught in the act despite him Claim to love & care about you more than his wife but you know divorce is expensive process and it not like he is rich or anything oh wait he is 😐

Just thinking about it. Make me super excited to see their life turn into a complete shit show but in nightmare mode. Because what will happen to them? Will they get disowned by their family? and how many friends lose?, will affect their careers in the future? And maybe future relationship after their relationship is over? But the wait is killing me 😫😭 Rin can you please give us the hint of when the affair exposes is? 🙏🥺Like maybe the next chapter? Or the chapter after that one? Pretty please 🥺

Y/n and Gojo ship is here baby🥳 don’t worry y/n and kids because Gojo is here to give you guy experience of what it like to have a proper loving husband/father relationship in your guys daily life and actual involve in your life and present in the moment instead of get involve later but actual not really 😒

Sorry if I got carry with my rant 😅 Rin anyway amazing chapter👏 😄 can’t wait for next Sunday😊

I love how everyone just hates Nanami and the mistress with a passion and just wishes the worst.

We all routing for Y/N and Gojo and I love it.

I loved your rant I've read it over and over.

#the other woman #TOW

[1d1195]

Sam you could literally write ANYTHING and I swear I would devour it! I’m always excited for what you have planned!

June IS so far away😭 and it’s like the middle of june😭 I know EXACTLY how you feel about a never ending week! Getting to the end of the week was a struggle for me too :( my allergies ARE KILLING ME!!! And it’s very inconvenient! I am suffering and it’s not ideal at all!!

But I’m so excited for you to be done with the school year soon!!! I imagine it’s a bittersweet feeling but honestly you deserve a nice vacation away from school a bit!

And thank you 😭 I’m in a very weird stage in my academic life and sometimes it’s very hard to not worry about the futures especially rn! But thank you Sam, really i appreciate you even taking the time to even say anything about it 💗

I HATE PHONE CALLS TOO!! Which is why calling those fuck ass stores (I still love my local record shops🙄) was a HUGE deal for me! I don’t call people that much aside from my mom and dad lol or when I have to do adult things lol anyways I was so sad but I doubt I’ll get it at all since resellers are crazy for the pricing! Also tell me why I had a feeling you would have a yellow one?? Yellow seems like a color you would gravitate towards too! Plus you’re so real for saying everything he does is pretty lol

My weekend was not good since my allergies are making want to die lol but I’m okay I’ll get through it! Hope your weekend wasn’t too bad! I saw you had to postpone part 4 a bit and bestie that’s okay!!!! Take all the time you need, plus life gets busy so it’s understandable! Hope this week goes a bit better💗 I love you so much!!!-💜

Thank you for being so supportive, it means everything to me 💕

I think all the pollen from the tree outside my apartment is lodged in my throat. I don't even think it hit the ground this year. I'm suffering ™ right along side you. June will be here before we know it! 🤞

Always! Different routes to graduation don't mean anything. You're learning the same amount as anyone else who graduates with the same degree. You'll be a great graduate no matter when you do it, it's just important you're doing it! 💕

Same here, my sister and I talk on the phone and my bff insists on calling me. Mom and dad too. One major struggle I have to FIND a therapist is because I don't want to make a phone call 🙃😭 Like it's SO catch 22. Like what kind of anxiety loophole is that!?!

It's funny, when I wear yellow people think I look like Belle from Beauty and the Beast. I love to wear yellow my TPWK t-shirt (that needs to retire tbh) is bright yellow. My favorite color is blue (ocean) but people tell me pink and red is one of the nicest colors on me (I think I have pink undertones so it highlights that or whatever *insert something fashionable sounding here*)

Weekend was good, relaxing. I had real bad sunday scaries but monday was alright. I had two of my coworkers talk me off the metaphorical ledge of something that was really bothering me and they assured me it would work itself out (something I also convinced myself of but I needed a sounding board ya know?)

I hope your week gets better and they get rid of pollen (not really, but you know what I mean!

LOVE YOU!

xoxo

#💜

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #111

(taken february 6th; uploading surveys taken while gone)

If you’ve ever tried drugs or alcohol, what was your reason for first trying it? I tried alcohol the first time because Mom offered me something she correctly assumed I'd like the taste of. I was either a pre-teen or young teenager. I've never tried any other sort of drug.

If you were far from home and needed to sleep for the night, would you choose to rent a crappy motel room for $60 or sleep in your car for free? I'm staying in the car. Probably. I'd be kinda hesitant to if I was all alone.

How long until your next birthday? My birthday was literally yesterday, so a very long time.

When did you last consume something that had peanut butter? A couple days back in a piece of chocolate.

What’s the last song you heard? A slowed/reverbed version of "Teeth" by 5SOS.

When you say you love someone, do you mean it? Fuck yes I do.

Have you held hands with anyone lately? A lot with Girt 'cuz he spent the weekend with me and we hold hands a lot on the couch and even when we sleep.

Are both of your blood parents still in your life? Yes; I don't see my dad a lot, but he's still in my life and reminds me all the time that if I need something, tell him.

Do you have drama in your life? Not really.

Do you actually think it’s gross to talk about body functions? No; they're universally shared experiences and I think it's honestly dangerous to make talking about "gross" stuff seem like, taboo almost. Now yes, there are INSTANCES where it's not appropriate, but is it gross/wrong to do in general? Absolutely not. I probably sound kinda hypocritical cuz I REALLY don't like talking about sex as it pertains to me, but that is JUST for me. It's not because I think it's gross and stuff, it's just private. I couldn't care less if other people talk about their sex lives though.

Would you rather sleep alone or next to your SO? Next to Girt.

Have you ever sent a love letter? Pretty much, yeah.

Have you dated someone of another race? Yes. 100% pro interracial relationships so it was never an issue I held with Juan; it was other, personality-related things that had no correlation to his race that were problematic.

What’s the best compliment you’ve gotten from a boss/teacher? I'm honestly not sure, but in total modesty and honesty I definitely got a lot of very high praises because I was just a good student.

What’s a weird or interesting nickname you gave someone? Uhhhh let's see... I'm actually not sure...? I'm sure there's SOMETHING, especially from childhood, but I'm blanking atm.

Is there a phrase or mantra you repeat when you are frightened? In my head, anyway. Sometimes I will focus very heavily on the ideology - not necessarily quote, it varies - that I can and WILL get through whatever is going on. Back in the day I was an "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" person (I distinctly remember chanting this once when I had to take a freezing cold shower 😭), but it's since fallen in line with the remix of "I can do all things through me who strengthens me," something I very sincerely believe in and HEAVILY encourage people to remember with themselves, too.

What are you most envious of? Mentally well and rich people. People who are financially set for the rest of their fucking lives by simply existing.

Do you have a friend with a habit that worries you? Girt is very convinced he needs to lose a bit more weight when he ABSOLUTELY does not, and he can get defensive about it if you try to discourage him from this goal. I know he has self-confidence/image issues, and I hate it for him so much.

When you walk into your best friend’s room, what do you smell? I still haven't seen Girt's room. 🙃

Have you ever purposely broken something that belonged to a sibling? I have zero memory of ever doing that and it absolutely does not sound like something I would've even considered doing.

Do you like to visit famous people’s homes? Bitch there ain't no famous people 'round here lmfao

Has anyone ever baked you cookies? I mean, my mother, haha.

What’s the lamest present you’ve ever given? I don't know. I'm told by pretty much anyone I've ever given a gift to that I give super thoughtful gifts and I definitely try to do so. I cannot fucking wait until I have a source of income so I can more regularly give my loved ones gifts...

If your SO agreed, would you want an open relationship? Absolutely not. We're either having a loyal, monogamous relationship or we're not having anything at all.

Have you ever slept with three people in the same bed? When? Why? I can just about promise I have as a kid at sleepovers and stuff.

Who would you like to slow dance with? To what song? Hehe Girt. There's a great array of songs that I would slowdance to with him.

What’s your favorite pet name someone calls you? Girt most regularly calls me "hunny" and I think it's really cute.

If you could talk to one species of animal what would it be? Oh my god, THAT is impossibly hard. I'm sure every animal would value and focus on different things, so I'd really have to think on this, I really would. I will say it'd be VERY cool to see with absolutely certainty JUST how alike we are at heart to apes by conversing with one.

What’s the largest animal you’ve ever seen in person? An orca at SeaWorld (would never go again; I was a young child).

Would you give mouth to mouth to your dog to save its life? I sure would, if I knew how to do it properly.

If you came with a warning label, what would it say? "I'm going to be awkward and uncomfortable and I'm so sorry" or something like that lmfao

Did you ever show up late for an important event? Not to my recollection.

What was the last strong scent you smelled? HA Girt's feet yesterday.

What was the last thing you took a picture of? The flowers Girt got me for my birthday.

How did you discover your favorite band? Ozzy: heard his music growing up thanks to my parents. Rammstein: I knew OF them somehow in high school, I can't remember the precise origin, and then I heard my first song by them via a Guitar Hero game.

Does the weather affect your mood? If so, in what ways? Yes; I am considerably more likely to at least feel EVER so slightly more "down" if it's super cloudy and/or rainy. I used to LIVE for dark and gloomy conditions, including lighting in my own house, but I realized years ago that I very much benefit from being in brighter settings. Hot and/or humid weather also has a notable effect on me, that being that I become fucking miserable and irritable if I have to be in it.

When are you most likely to be bored? Eh, maybe like, late afternoon/early evening. That's not always the case, though.

What was the last big decision you made? This isn't gonna SOUND like a big decision, but it was to me: I finally added Girt's sister on Facebook. He was recently tagged in a picture with me so Ashley saw it and commented, and I felt like now that her Facebook presence was directly in my face (I already knew she had one, but you get it), it'd look rude to NOT reach out. And don't get me wrong, I've wanted to, I LOVE Ashley a whole lot, I've just been nervous from the start that she and ESPECIALLY their mother would come to hate me via Facebook because I am very open about what I believe in and support, and like her mother, Ashley is religious (though not to the extreme extent of Shelia, it looks like), and I just don't want to start shit when I inevitably share some anti-religion meme or something. I really, really want his family to continue loving me, but I'm also not about to pretend I'm someone I'm not on my own goddamn social media account. Guess we'll just see how everything goes.

Where was the last place you traveled to, and what did you do while there? Uh I guess Lake Gaston in Virginia; I want to say the last time Mom and I drove up there it was either for Aubree's birthday party, or... something else? I don't remember. Maybe Nick and Ashley's anniversary (they got married there).

What is one of your wildest dreams or ambitions? To be a very successful nature/wildlife/landscape photographer, maybe have something published in National Geographic.

What was the subject of your last phone conversation? Dad called on my birthday just checking up on things.

Name five things you can grab from where you’re sitting. A cup, my phone, my planner, the squishmallow Christmas fox Girt randomly got me, and my purse.

So, are you looking forward to being out on your own? (And if you’re already out on your own, how do you like it?) I never want to live purely on my own, but I honestly am very ready for Girt and I to have a place together. I'm gonna be VERY nervous to leave Mom, but I have to one of these days, and when Mom was in Tennessee and it WAS just us two, I fucking loved it. I went full stereotypical wife mode and actually felt useful. I know I was more productive and just acting more like an adult, at least slightly.

Would you ever go to a sperm bank to get pregnant? If I wanted a child, no. I have absolutely nothing against it for other people, but for myself? I just couldn't, I would feel WAY too weird growing the child of someone I didn't really know, when a massive part of the appeal of raising a kid *for me* is creating a little life between you and the person you're in love with.

When you like someone, and they don’t know about it, are you the type who wants to tell them, or them to make a move first? I may WANT to tell them, but I'm definitely the type that *prefers* them to make the first move.

Name a new friend you’ve made this year. Shelby. (: Well, I think we actually started talking in December, but close enough.

Have you ever known anyone that’s gone missing? Ummm I don't think so.

What game is in your game system right now? The PS2 has Silent Hill 2 in it, and the PS4 has Spyro the Dragon: Reignited Trilogy in it because Girt and I played it today!! :') I was losing my FUCKING mind, I love it so much.

Do you live near a pet store? Yes, a PetSmart. The mall that is also right by our house might still have a Petco, but I feel like it closed...

Who was the last person other than family to tell you that they love you? My boyfren. :') Well or maybe someone on Facebook in birthday message, I just don't feel like checking.

Have you ever been told that you resemble an animal or insect? No, that'd be offensive lmao

How many people have you kissed in the last month? Just Girt romantically.

What was the last picture you uploaded? Uhhhh I think it was a picture I took with my sisters that I posted in an Instagram story.

Is your about me long and detailed, or short and to the point? God I used to be SO bad about long intros haha, now I try to keep 'em pretty short wherever I have them.

What is your favorite type of cola? Just regular Coke.

Who did you spend your last birthday with? My birthday itself, just Mom, Girt, and Tobey for a lil while, however the family celebration was the day before, which I spent with Mom, Girt, my two sisters, my younger sister's boyfriend, Girt's mom, as well as Girt's nephew. His sister was also going to come, but she injured her foot and wanted to stay off of it.

Do you like apple soda? I've tried apple-flavored carbonated water and it was disgusting, honestly. Surprised me, because I usually LOVE apple-flavored anything.

What was the last thing that shocked you? Something Girt told me today that I just wasn't expecting, but it's private so I'ma just leave it at that. It was a good surprise though, haha.

How lonely are you right now? Not at all right now, actually! I had a good, busy weekend and am perfectly content having some me time.

What accent do you find most difficult to understand? Extremely heavy southern ones. Even when I live in an area where that's not at all rare, I still struggle understanding a lot of people around here.

Has your music taste changed over the years? From childhood, yes, but not very much since middle school-ish. Once I got into hard rock and metal, that's been my thing since. As a kid though, I liked your average pop hits as well as country music. I know, astonishing.

Have you ever practiced kissing on a stuffed animal? Nah.

Do you think the end of the world is near? Who knows. A gamma ray burst could melt us tomorrow. Or one may not hit the planet for a million years. It's not something I worry about nowadays.

Who makes you feel like you’re worth something? More than absolutely anyone, Mom and Girt do very regularly. But I'm lucky there are a number of people who do that.

How many pets is too many? This strictly depends on how many you are capable of properly, adequately providing for. There is no strict number. Different kinds of pets require different amounts of materials, care, etc., and the amount of time available to be invested in the care of these pets ALSO varies with every single person. As soon as you cannot manage to give your pet the care it absolutely needs (I'm not talking about all the rare luxuries), you have too many.

Do you know who your bridesmaid/best man will be? It's going to be my mom. I have no questions about this.

What is the best song by your favorite artist/band? I've answered with my *favorite* songs in the past, so for this, I'ma go for strictly what I think is the artist's best piece of musical art, like the ones that leave the strongest mark. For Rammstein's, it's absolutely "Stein um Stein (Stone by Stone)" imo, it's a FUCKING masterpiece. I think Ozzy's iiiiis... most likely "See You On the Other Side," but I also am VERY fond of "Ordinary Man" because that song is just him, it just tells his story and who he is beautifully. MAN I wanna list more of his, I just think he's a stupendous songwriter and has written such incredible pieces of music. In recent news I am so sad (but completely understand why) he's officially quit touring because of his health, I'm just waiting in absolute dread for the news to hit that he's passed away alskdjfalkwjekljraoiwejroieroeiraoisdjfalksdf I am going to shatter

How many times did your phone ring today? Three times; first Tobey called for Mom (her phone is being a total shit), then Dad called while she was talking to Tobey so I called him back and he didn't answer, THEN he called me back.

What theme do you want for your wedding? I want it to be gothic-y, very likely with a black and gold color scheme.

Do you have any of your future children’s names picked out? The Onion semi-recently posted one of their satire stories about a woman not wanting kids but having the overwhelming urge to still name humans and I was like............ same, bc I know EXACTLY what I want to name all potential children even though I very much doubt they'll ever exist lmfao

Would you ever date someone over the internet? I don't THINK I would again, but I wouldn't say absolutely not.

#survey #surveys #personal questions #random questions

[thedysphoriadiaries]

Entry 4 - Game Time - 17 February 2023, 12:48am

Today passed without much fuss. Great, I suppose, given how I woke up from yet another dream in which I was a girl, or, at least, doing gender-affirming things like using the right washroom. TMI. Yes.

Some might say that dreams are stupid, that they don't make sense. Others say that dreams are telling of things going on in your life.

I don't know what to think. Even scarier, I don't know how to think about it.

All I know is hate, and...

I hate the fact that I'm so hopelessly attracted to girls. That, or, being hopelessly attracted to the prospect of becoming one. A part of me wishes I could be... normal, whatever that means.

I just don't get it. Someone I know underwent knee surgery, and still came out being... more positive than I am.

I've gone through nothing compared to them. Just some first-world issues called gender identity. I'm just a stupid guy who wants to be a girl.

...

It's no secret that I hate myself. I hate being everybody's rock. I was there when my brother couldn't handle himself in an abusive relationship (he was abused, emotionally). I was there when my father spat into my grandfather's face. I was there when mom threw dad's iphone into the floor, seven or so years ago, when he became depressed after an ankle injury, and couldn't work for awhile. I was there when people told me to fuck off with my “sperm guitar”. I was there when mom was stressed out with work.

...

Nobody was there. Nobody was there for me when I hit myself. I only stopped when I could not take the pain.

Nobody was there for me when I admitted I couldn't feel anything. I shut up about it. Eventually apathy becomes a blessing.

Nobody was there for me when I helped my brother out with his relationship. I went to sleep worrying about him, especially after every episode of his ex emotionally abusing him. I feared for his life; like me, he's sensitive. And she hurt him. Irreparably. I see it in his eyes, how scared he is to be vulnerable. So, I bring out his vulnerability, with Gyoza (my stuffie duck). But I digress.

Will anybody be there, for me?

Do I even want anybody there, for me?

Those words sound so foreign, that, I have to make sure I'm willing myself to say them.

Honestly, if you're reading this, go fuck yourself. I don't want you around. I just want to be alone so I can be put out of my fucking misery. Killing me would be a mercy, compared to having me be around, as everybody's rock.

I can't do this anymore.

I don't want to, anymore.

...

them: “Prioritize life! Come to us, and don't die.”

me: “Why? You've got your second-chance woman here.” (I played a support/healer character, if it explains anything.)

them: “Because we'd be in a 2v3! I don't care what binary you are in.”

That's... kinda true - whatever I identify as doesn't change the outcome of a virtual fight.

Still... it got me questioning.

And, inevitably, it all leads me down to the same question:

Why am I like this?

...

That was the same question my ex-partner asked me. In her exact words,

her: “things happened that led you to be this way”

her: “we gotta look back in time to see how that problem showed up”

me: “what if I told you...”

me: “it just happened, when I was 7?”

her: “cant be it just happened 🙃”

so...

...what happened?

I wish I knew.

Do you, for one moment, think that I'd want to keep ogling girls?

That I'd want to feel lovesick for a life that isn't mine, because of how I was born?

That I'd want to keep envying people of the opposite gender, so much so, that I'd get envy over a fucking animate flower in a fucking video game?

gosh.

...why?

What is wrong with me?

... Is the very concept of me, wrong?

[miamberst]

Saw this earlier so why not

Where was the very first kiss you had with the last person you kissed? 
On the couch in his apartment Are you texting anybody?
No What were you doing at 9:30 last night? 
At work Are you listening to music right now? 
No Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? Yes, like 4 Concert tickets or NFL game tickets? 
Concert Has anyone seen you kiss the last person you kissed?
Yes, my best friends, his roommate, his neighbors Looking back, did you ever waste too much time on a someone that treated you badly?
Yeah, sadly. I wouldn't say badly, but I deserved better If your doctor told you TODAY that you were pregnant, what would you say? 
Not possible Have you hugged someone within the last week? 
yeah, teonna boo cakes If you could push one person off a mountain, who would it be? 
Honestly nobody, maybe yankee. 🤗 Are you a couple with the last person you kissed on the lips?
yes What woke you up this morning?
My laptop What’s your relationship with the last person you texted? Coworker/homie Did you cry at all today?
Yes Will your next kiss be a mistake? 
no Do you still talk to the person you fell the hardest for? 
yes When is the next time you will kiss someone?
Hopefully when I get home Are you older than the last person you kissed? 
Not even close When is the last time you consumed alcohol? 
New Years What were you doing at midnight last night?
Idek getting my life together Have you ever been given flowers? Yes, high school graduation Can you honestly say that at this point in time you’re happy with the way things are?
not completely, but I'm happy Did anyone call you babe/baby today, who? 
I was called boo Has anyone said they love you in the last week?
yeah When a friend walks out of your life, do you go after them, or let them go?
it depends. usually I let them go Has anyone ever been more important to you than a family member? 
Yes Last time you smiled? 
A minute ago Would life be the same without alcohol?
I don't drink like I use to Ever had sex in the bathroom? 
No When did you last dance to a song? Earlier today, uno by Elijah blake Who’s the last person you talked to about sex? 
Mas Have you ever sat in the back of a police car?
no Are you stubborn? 
yeah If you took a drug test right now, would you pass? 
Yeah Who was the last person to be on a bed with you? 
Damn, Chris maybe Do you tend to hold a grudge? 
Not anymore Where is the biggest scar on your body? 
my butt or my knee Have you ever been told you were amazing? 
yeah Would you date someone who was addicted to drugs? 
Idk, naaa When was the last time you fought with your parents? 
I don’t know probably back in high school What was the last alcoholic beverage you drank? Pink moscato from shutter home and woodchuck Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
Nope Who was the last person to play with your hair?
my baby sister Who are your last 4 texts from? 
Star, Mel, mas, Barrett Do you know anyone who drinks a lot? 
yeah How did your night go last night? 
Alright I guess How did you get the shirt you’re wearing? 
"Dad" let me have it How often do you see your best friend?
Whenever I go back home or ft How old will you be on your next birthday? 
22 What is the most important part of your life? 
my goals What did you do last weekend? 
Hung out with Mel What did you last cry over? 
stress and one of my best friends getting engaged What are you worried about? 
The fashion show What is your mother’s name? 
Sydney What would you rather be doing? 
sleeping with him 🙄 What did you have for breakfast? 
Nothing 🙃 Have you ever dated someone younger than you? 
yeah by like a year Have you ever liked someone who already had somebody?
yeah Have you ever read an entire book in one day? 
yeah Who is the last person you saw? 
My dad Who is the last person that you texted? 
My best friend star Who called you last?
my mom Who is the last person you hung out with?
my coworkers Who did you hug last? 
Boo cakes teonna Where does your best friend live? 
Back home in Nc 😩😩 Where do/did you want to go to school?
VCU Do you ever wish you were someone else? 
no

#I got bored #miamberst #prrsonal