#sorry for the essay LOL i’m autistic

[elliewlums]

Stevie does teeny things to help autistic!reader. Always having gum on hand to satiate ur oral stimming. Keeps plasters in his pocket from when u bite ur cuticles so much they bleed. Bitey toys, or just offers his arm for u to gnaw on. Watches the same shows over and over again because you can’t start anything new

content warnings: autistic!reader, autistic!eddie and robin too (i love them okay), reader is overstimulated and accidentally hurts herself, descriptions of blood from injuries, she uses chewy toys and uses steve as a chewy toy lmfao, a little crying, hurt/comfort. pretty sure this covers it all hahaha

note: i wrote a whole essay on this SORRY LOL and it’s kinda sadder than i anticipated

steve knows what you need ninety nine percent of the time. he’s amazing at picking up on your needs when non-verbal and even better when it comes to having everything you might need on hand at all times; gum, fidget toys, chewy toys, plasters. he’ll offer you something to chew when you bite your nails or your fingers or your lips until they bleed, cleaning you up and distracting you with something else to focus on.

today’s not a great day. everything’s been overwhelming and you’ve been permanently overstimulated, biting your nails down to the quick until your cuticles and fingertips started bleeding. still, you haven’t stopped. steve hasn’t been with you for a couple of hours, needing to tend to other pressing matters, but he knows he’ll come back to you tearing yourself apart despite asking the others to keep an eye on you. he’s usually so good at keeping on top of your needs; it’s just unfortunate that he hasn’t been able to supervise today.

he enters eddie’s trailer to raucous shouting and laughter. eddie and robin seem to be engaged in a heated debate, one you would be involved in on some days. but not now. it’s too much, too loud. god, were the lights always this bright? when did their voices become so grating? his eyes scan the vicinity for you quickly and he rushes to the very corner of the room where you’ve practically camouflaged yourself, curled up with your knees to your chest and your fingers in your mouth, blood dripping no matter how much you suck off and lick away.

“hey, bug,” comes steve’s gentle voice; it pulls you from the verge of a meltdown somewhat, his presence alone letting you know that it’s okay, you’re gonna go home now. “let’s head out, alright? we can go home, watch some star wars?” you nod a little, eyes glassy, still gnawing away at your hands. “good girl. want a piggyback?” you nod again, timid, and let him crouch in front of you until you climb onto his back.

his smell, the firmness of him underneath you has you burying your face in the back of his neck and hiccuping little sobs. steve has to nudge robin and eddie to pull their attention away from their bickering. he has to keep from sounding too stern.

“i’m taking y/n home. we’ll see you at the weekend?”

eddie shoots up. they got so far lost in whatever trivial topic they were discussing that they forgot how overstimulated you get.

“y/n,” he murmurs, tapping your shoulder. “i’m sorry we got distracted— fuck, your hands. ‘m sorry, should’ve known better. noise is the worst thing when i get like that, too.” you reach out and squeeze his hand in your own.

“‘s okay…” you mumble, sniffing. eddie’s brows knit together.

“we’ll make it up to you this weekend. do whatever you want. star wars marathon?” that brings a smile to your face.

“‘kay.”

“see you, bug.”

steve carries you to the car and sets you down outside the passenger seat, letting you climb in; as soon as he’s seated too he leans over to root in the glovebox for disinfectant, plasters and a chewy toy.

“come climb in my lap, sweetheart,” he says, patting his thigh invitingly. you do as he says, still crying a little as he begins to wipe and bandage your sore fingers. “good girl. put this in your mouth.” he hands you your pink chewy, smiling as you begin to gnaw on it and visibly relax. “thought you were gonna take chewy with you today? you forget?”

“think it’s gross,” you grumble quietly.

“who thinks it’s gross?”

“dunno. people will think i’m gross. unsanitary.” your answers are garbled around your toy, but steve knows. he always knows.

“have you met those two? eddie chews his own hair so much i’m sure he has a hairball. and robin bites nancy all the time. there’s no way they’ll think you’re gross. they’ll probably want one for themselves, bug.” he kisses the palm of your hand. “all done, sweet thing.”

“thanks. ‘nd i’m sorry. ‘m so embarrassing.”

“you’re not. promise. you just have different needs sometimes and that’s okay. ‘s why i’m here.” you press your head to his chest, still chewing furiously. “let’s go home.”

“can i have jus’ a minute?” you ask. he smiles; you’ve been working on being able to communicate your needs with him and it finally seems like it’s paying off.

“of course, bug. you want my arm for a minute?”

“please.”

you wrap yourself around steve, replacing the chewy toy with his thick forearm. you’re careful, more careful than you are with yourself, teeth pressing gently into the flesh of his muscle and lips sucking softly. when your eyes flutter closed, finally calm, he deems it time to head home for real.

#autistic!reader #autistic!eddie #autistic!robin #steve harrington x female reader #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington x autistic!reader #steve harrington drabble #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington blurb #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fanfiction #steve x y/n #steve x you #autism awareness #autism #steve x female reader #fiction #fanfic #fanfiction #writer #writing #fanfic writing

[bleue-flora]

Well, now I feel challenged /lh /j.

I think that cDream being autistic make sense quite a lot BUT I definitely think that it is not a root of all / most misunderstandings - at least at the beginning, he was being absolutely challenged by cWilbur and cTommy and I think that he did the only logical thing, trying to protect his server and friends. His friends later turning their backs on him bc he was unable/unwilling to explain his reasons and feelings adds to the autistic theory but as a toxic cDream apologist I can not help but blame them for just abandoning him without really trying to understand him - like, even if he could explain himself better, I really don't think that would change that much - the root of all problem here would be more other people being unable to understand HIM, not the other way around (although cDream definitely made some wild assumptions(or didn't understand how some people think at all) regarding certain people (*cough* Sam) that backfired spectacularly)

(again, this is meant to be completely light-hearted, I like your hot take, just wanted to challenged it. This is also my first time trying to analyse dsmp outside of my brains so sorry if it's weird 😅

Nah not weird, welcome to the fun! Glad you’ve decided to share. (Hopefully this won’t deter you from pitching in in the future. <3) Don’t worry it’s all light hearted around here, as far as I’m concerned this blog isn’t about arguing it’s about discussion. Agree, disagree, further add, I just have a good time talking about my obsession. :) Generally speaking, to me I don’t think it’s about right or wrong (though to be clear I am always right/jk lol XD) because I think there is typically a bit of both mixed in and there is always something to take away.

Anyways… yea so challenge accepted lol. (just as fyi I did write this and the essay kinda simultaneously so umm whatever I don't cover here is probably in that... somewhere....). Now, I did pick my wording very specifically and it’s ok to kinda miss exactly what I was saying. So just to clarify, I did say ‘a’ root because while I believe it is a huge factor at play I do recognize that it is by no means the only factor at play. Along the same lines, you are exactly right, it is not just about him failing to understand or communicate but also largely about them misunderstanding him. It is very much a failure on both sides and assumptions made that cause this miscommunication. When I mean misunderstanding and miscommunication I mean all around. Though I also agree. As an autistic person (and a c!Dream apologist) I do tend to see it more as a failure to understand c!Dream and a lack of willingness to try on the part of the others. Because as an autistic person I am often the one without the information to realize that something has gone wrong. I may not recognize when I’ve broken an unspoken rule or when I’ve failed to communicate properly. But even if I did the other people have to be willing to hear me out in the first place and understand my actual intention.

With that in mind, it does go back to the very beginning. I challenge you to watch the early streams (especially when c!Wilbur gets involved) and see c!Dream struggle to be heard and get his viewpoint across. The founding of L’manberg? Make no mistake it was in large part due to declaring c!Dream the unfair tyrant and villain. And it was easy for them to do so because a) c!Dream is at a disadvantage to communicate the latter. - And it’s not for a lack of trying. Because he does try, he pulls out dictionaries, he pulls out former events, he tries so hard to get them to hear him, but time and time again they miss it. And make no mistake that is on them, as you said they are to blame here. -

And, b) because c!Dream is different that spurs people to think he is wrong, often more subconsciously. (I’m not going to get into too much more detail on this point as this is already so long and I meant for it to be shorter…. oops. So I am aware this is overly simplified and likely poorly worded, but I'll try and cover it more in the essay.) But yes not only is miscommunication and the misunderstanding at play but also misunderstanding in relation to their perception of each other. Both their misconceptions about c!Dream - taking c!Tommy and c!Wilbur’s words at face value, making poor assumptions about him, and fearing/hating what they don’t quite understand - and his poor assumptions about them (don’t even get me started on c!Sam…), often stemming from their brains being literally different.

#yo thanks for responding hopefully my reply was sufficent? made sense? was helpful?....... #<3 <3 <3 <3 #dsmp #dsmp analysis #autistic headcanon #c!dream is autistic #c!dream #did someone order an essay? #I sure hope so lol.... #slowly losing my mind trying to convey why c!dream is autistic while also being autistic... #like its really hard to point out him being different based on society when he makes perfect sense to me... #dream smp #dreblr #dream smp dream #dsmp dream #autistic c!dream #hello there

[thecommunalfoolboy]

What your favorite Lupin The Third Character says about you

When people make these they always just say nice things and traits of the character and it’s dumb so here’s me being right

Anyway my reputation for misogyny is legendary

Ok this largely depends on if you like edgy Jigen or goofy ah Jigen but

You desperately need to stop getting into arguments online, both in general and on whether Jigen is deep and emo or a silly guy

Gay Gay homosexual gay 🫵

You took one look at him and Lupin and said “Damn these bitches gay!” In a half joking way but the show itself proved you right in 10 seconds

Lol emo

Ok but actually seek psychiatric care

You either write porn about him in your head or you’re extremely asexual

There’s something weird going on with your gender but that’s kinda true if you watch this show in general

You’re too broke to get that next piercing don’t do it

You’re either as devastated about them whitewashing our boy as I am or you should be

Hey remember they whitewashed Goemon too you should be equally as mad about that

You head canon he speaks Spanish

Go to bed

He’s a nice man

Seek help brother

You play with jpegs like dolls

Beneath your eyes is a deep dark hole of information on this show’s lore

You also hate him so much and you want to see him die painfully <3

You want that twink OBLITERATED

You should really raise the price on your art it is so much better than you think it is

Some of you have only seen the first and it shows

“Brother,,,,, help me,,,,,,”

“Long live the king……”

Lol you thought I’m not letting you off that easy you’re deeply traumatized You’ve never felt safe in your life and the most inner hurt part of you desperately needed an adult to help you at a time in your life when you should’ve been worried about learning your times tables not whether you’d survive another day and one of the reasons you’re drawn to characters like this and collect fictional fathers is because you see a glowing smile and an infallible hero who could’ve saved you when you needed it the most

Or you’re Japanese native but like

Autism 👿

Woah dude are you like… autistic???

Stop looking at his tits

A small but significant subsection of you people are just racist and cannot be normal about Japan

If someone asked your thoughts on him you’d just be like :)))) the silly

You have way too many screenshots of him looking weird in the background

You def hate part 5 and twcfm

Whenever tms forgets he exists for a while you still watch it but you look like a wet kitten

You’re def short

You need to stop coping and accept it he looked fully insane in part 3 the hair is so so bad

You’re probably transmasc

I just wanna say I’m so sorry

She’s an ugly bitch there I said it

STROP BEING HORNY

You’re probably a girl

And definitely bi

Y’all probably know the least about the show as a whole

Good for you!! You actually touch grass

Or again you’re in the racist subgroup

The titles for each character confuse you but you only realized this one’s Fujiko because either I just said it or you saw the “stop being horny” and knew

You probably have insanely hot takes on the show

They did your girl dirty im so sorry

You’d die on the hill of whichever of her hair colors you think is best but at least you’re dead

I’m scared of you

Hey you should watch the first if you haven’t already

Zemigamna 🥺

You cry every time someone says Yata was boring and didn’t need to be in the show

Miyazaki studio gibli ass 🫵

Please you still have time left you can get out before you become obsessed you’re not in too deep yet RUN RUN SAVE YOURSEL

Or this show is all you have left and it’s infinitely too late for you no in between

Again probably a girl

You’re definitely not normal about fujiko either

You hate that one movie where he’s a dick with a burning passion and you would write 20 page essays on it

If you’re obsessed with him you probably have a chronic illness (same bestie) or major physical disability

Anyway if I fully clocked you let me know I think it’s funny to see you guys suffer

#lupin iii #lupin the third #lupin the 3rd #lupin gang #lupin iii part 3 #lupin the iii #lupin the first #lupin 3rd #arsene lupin iii #lupin the iiird #lupin the third castle of cagliostro #jigen lupin the third #pink jacket lupin #lupin part 3 #jigen #jigen x lupin #jigen daisuke #gay jigen #jiglup #lupjig #fujiko #fujiko mine #goemon ishikawa xiii #goemon ishikawa #goemon #ishikawa goemon xiii #zenigata #zenigata koichi #koichi zenigata #inspector zenigata

[randomexistingthing]

(I'M NOT A PROFESSIONAL I JUST LIKE TO RESEARCH SOME TOPICS SO PLEASE CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG ON ANYTHING) Not ALL autistics/adhders either flap their arms or leg bounce as stims (Yes these stims are common with autism/adhd but it's not the ONLY stim they do and definitely not a “If they don't do this, they don't have that”). First of all those two are both vestibular/proprioceptive stims, they are basically one ‘genre’ of stims, there are 7 types of stims:Visual, auditory, tactile, oral and olfactory/smell, and vestibular and proprioceptive. (Side note: According to the DSM-5 you don't even have to stim to be autistic since stimming is part of category B.) <-(also many neurotypicals also stim so please don’t take this as anything other than explaining different types of stims. Although people with autism and/or ADHD that do stim do it more often) So how i’ll lay it out is define what the types of stims actually mean and examples as to not confuse anyone and provide further information on the topic :D First up we have: Visual stimming: Visual stimming is any repetitive behavior that is done via visual (our eyes). For example, staring at moving things (fans spinning, cars driving past, people running), blinking really fast, using kaleidoscopes and even just moving your fingers in front of your eyes! Auditory stimming: Auditory stimming is any repetitive behavior that uses hearing and/or sound. It involves making sound or hearing sound! So that can be listening to the same song over and over again to humming a tune to blocking and unblocking your ears really quick. Tactile stimming Tactile stimming is any repetitive behavior that uses your sense of touch. Like rubbing/scratching your hands, stroking soft fabrics, biting the inside of your cheeks and twirling/pulling your hair.

Oral stimming Oral stimming is any repetitive behavior involving chewing. Pretty self explanatory, I don’t think I can explain this further lol. Examples include biting straws and chewing necklaces. Olfactory stimming Olfactory stimming is any repetitive behavior that uses your sense of smell. This can be repeatedly smelling candles, sniffing fresh bread and even sniffing washed clothing. Vestibular stimming Vestibular stimming is any repetitive behavior that involves movement and/or balance! It can be spinning, rocking, jumping and even swinging! It could also be simply pacing or throwing things too! (You can tell what type of stim I like the most XD). Proprioceptive stimming Proprioceptive stimming is any repetitive behavior that involves weight and/or spacial awareness. Like using weighted blankets, bear hugs, and physical pressure. ((essay go brrr)) ((I WROTE TOO MUCH IM GENUINELY SO SORRY THIS IS LIKE 400 WORDS IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY))

I'M ALSO NOT A PROFESSIONAL I CANT CORRECT YOU-

I (again :( ) can't say much to the topic itself, just that it really was a pleasure to read :3 I think I might be actually using tactile stimming, in situations when I'm nervous I'm like, touching my nose? Idk it sounds weird but I think it's a really good way to 'get back' when I have a derealization (I think it's called that) and it's just nice to do that. ((I noticed that I was doing this before but never considered it a stim tbh))

And you like vestibular stimming? :3 (it's not a real question, I think you chose anon for a reason ((but you can still answer if you are comfortable! C: )) I sometimes do the rocking, but only when I'm bored so I don't think it's a stim-

So dear anon (I think I know who you are >:]]) thank you so much for explaining the different types of stims! It really is nice getting to know a topic better, especially when you are interested in it :D

((ALSO DON'T BE SORRY I REPEAT: DON'T BE SORRYYYY YOU JUST SAVED ME 52 MINUTES OF BOREDOM I LOVE YOU AND I ALSO SPENT TIME GOOD ON MY PHONE FOR ONCE SO DON'T BE SORRY))

#Hehe ask ^^ #Ask ^^ #Anon ask! #Really I appreciate that you took the time to type this all out :33 #Also I am once again not answering not as much but I don't really know what to say I really need to research this topic too-

[nateriverswife]

I hate it, haaateee it when people would go back and forth about the Manga and the Anime just to scavenged what evidence to support their analysis on Light Yagami's character; saying that he's neccesary evil and that he is like that because his father is a chief police officer and everything.

I hate it when people say that Light Yagami initially does have a morale compass and perceived himself as some sort of martyr in creating his fledging utopia when all they did in L's character analaysis was practically saying that he's an asshole and leave it at that. I hate it when they said that L is a bad person because he's autistic while writing a 10 paragraphs, 25k words essays on Light's character alone about how he's actually a nice person but went about it in the wrong way in the same post.

For clarifications; I don't despise the analysis on itself, but the sheer hypocracy that revolves around it. I hates it when people said that Light Yagami is way smarter than L while ignoring the fact that had Ohba not equipped him with massive plot armor, Light would be in jail 20 chapters in.

I hate it when people said that Misa Amane deserves better while glossing over the fact how she basically initiate the toxic relationship despite being well aware that Light has no interest in her.

I also genuinely loathe how they just leave her in the 'girlboss' category and not analyse her character like Light.

In short, sometimes I just hate people in this community.

Thank you for your time and peace out. Drink water, or something.

Sorry for the late reply, but this got me writing. Putting a read more, because it’s quite long.

Before I start, I love you. And I wonder if there was a missing “not” in the first paragraph, because otherwise the rest of the text wouldn’t make sense lol. I’ll take that it’s missing.

Now, I want to preface everything I’m going to write by saying that, in my opinion, a lot of discourse around the characters is due to Ohba’s poor writing when it comes to them. They are not conjured as “people”, but as roles, and I have proof. Nothing wrong with it, but it’s clear when it comes to secondary characters, while not so much when it comes to Light or L, but it’s still there.

I’ve always wondered about Matsuda’s life outside of the case, but there’s nothing.

Ide and Mogi are just... There, so much so that people forget their existence. Mogi a bit less because he had a more prominent role in the second part.

Ukita, after 5 months in universe, dies, and yet no one in the fandom cares, which is odd, because it becomes a point used by L against Aizawa later. If you don’t care about a character by the third volume, there’s clearly something wrong with the way he was written or presented – or the lack of.

Misa’s popularity is used only in a few instances, which is weird because I would expect a celebrity to be busier with her job. She doesn’t even have any celebrity friends. She’s also a shallow character overall, but I want to talk about this later.

Light’s past is a big dark hole, to the point that people would write long ass essays trying to explain why he wasn’t evil in the beginning, like... Yeah, he wasn’t evil, because he didn’t find the Death Note yet, but that it’s just two pages. And he found the Death Note in those pages, and simply acted “normal”, while still murdering people. The fandom has barely something on which to infer about Light’s former attitude, which can’t be so different from the one he has throughout the series, because you can’t change overnight. He was just given a weapon that could help fill the gap between how he thought his life should be and how it was.

L is the only character for which makes sense not to know much about him. The problem begins when you must fill that hole, and you start to say stuff just to please the fandom and are most likely contradictory to his attitude, behaviour and personality. The chapter in which L dies is published in July 2005. A year and a half later, HTR13 is published. In it, Ohba says that he looks at L as slightly evil, which I think is the wrong term. I would say he’s more ruthless than evil, and only in some instances, because he generally cares about others.

In this fandom, I see a constant trend of people trying to paint L as morally corrupt as Light (to add more depth to their dynamic?), without any regard for L’s character. Most of the times, L’s attitude is actually coherent with the situation he is in and his job. He has to lie and deceit to get something out of Light, because otherwise he would get nowhere, yet that is seen as bad as Light’s murdering habit. And he doesn’t even manipulate people in the same way Light does or for the same reasons.

Aizawa’s gateway is the most evident way in which L does it. He sees that he’s the most hesitant among all of them and knows that he would regret it in the future, so he manipulates him to leave the task force for his own sake. However, he doesn’t force upon him a certain behaviour by threatening him, and he’s straightforward about how he feels towards him. He tries to convince him and withholds the fund information so that his tactic could work. He wants him to assume a position and gradually tries to get him there. He leaves his “targets” at least some room of action. I got told by @lost-and-found-jc (sorry for the tag, lmao) that even in the prologue game, he is also quite nice to criminals during the interrogations (and I quote, "he is also incredibly polite even to criminals, always uses polite Japanese and even when one of them was just straight up insulting him L was like 'Okay, that wasn't very nice'"). If you want to take that as canon or not doesn’t matter, because the manga alone proves L’s willingness to comprise and his habit of compensating his “bad” actions.

To be fair, L is the closest character to a real human being.

Another thing which proves my point of Ohba (and Obata) adding details about L that don’t make sense, but just because they want to please the fandom is the big ass washing machine they introduced, like... No. Stop it. That is ridiculous. You would die if you were to use that. He doesn’t conform to some social norms, I get it, most human thing ever... But that thing? It’s not possible. Just say you wanted to add to his quirkiness and move on, because there’s no way anyone would think about that. It’s even more impractical than just washing yourself normally, because you have a higher chance of drowning.

... Ridiculous.

Here what Ohba had to say about the planning of his character:

td;dr: "idk, i just didn't want an old man"

Don't know where to put them, but here, I think these are in favour of my idea of Ohba's incomplete character writing:

"A character to talk to" - that is so sad.

Anyways.

Let’s go over Light’s character.

I started to read the supernova’s analysis, but I stopped mid way because I felt it was trying to convince me that my opinion was objectively wrong, which it can’t be, because we have no objective truth. And most of the points read there are things I’ve heard thousands of times (probably that was the starting point?).

I’m now reading about Light and Sayu’s situation, because I am open to change my mind about Light’s attitude towards his family, even though I’ll never forgive him for what he did to them.

People can be evil and care for their family, e.g. mafia, which are very family based yet they do atrocities. And in HTR13, it’s written that Light cares about his family – even though he said that he might need to kill them – and humanity – which is, er, interesting to say the least.

We have to understand that no matter how well written an analysis is, it is still biased. When writing them, people start with an idea: “I want to prove that Light is not evil”, and so they start to look for details that prove their point and often ignore those who refute it.

It’s very hard to write a completely objective analysis of a character.

I am biased too. I’m not going to deny it. It’s up to you to agree with what I say. If you don’t think Light’s evil, okay, go on. If you think L is the absolute worst, okay, whatever. The “problem” lies when you ignore canon details that are contradictory to what you say, because you want your narrative to be intact, and then tell others they are wrong in their interpretation, because it doesn’t match yours. An example is the 22 reasons why L is as bad as Light post. It ignores pretty much anything canon, because they didn’t like the idea that L is deemed as “good”.

I hate Light. I’m not going to lie. He killed my favourite characters (valid reason to hate someone), and I don’t like his ideal of justice, his actions, his idea of himself and the way he thought justice should be administrated. Overall, everything he stands for and just him.

I don’t hate him because he’s a villain (no matter how much people say it, he’s not an anti-hero. I’m sorry, he just isn’t).

I also think he’s very dull without Kira (made a post about it), which goes to show that Ohba didn’t think too much about his past and how he was before the Death Note, other than Mr. Perfect Guy with The Perfect Life. The stereotypical prefect person that hides a very dark secret, you know what I mean.

His interactions with others, like his friends, are also shallow, so the discourse is here very divided:

he’s popular because of his charm and looks, but no one is a real friend of him (which also goes to support the idea that L and Light were somewhat the closest thing to friends they both had – I disagree; HTR13 states that he had many friends, while L doesn’t have friends because he thinks humans are cunning in nature and hates Light);

Ohba didn’t write them in too much because they are unimportant to the plot, since everything is strongly plot driven, and not character driven, but they were still important to Light (doesn’t seem so because he literally forgets about them lol);

simply used to showcase that everything in his life is perfect, because he’s social and all.

Even the girl he dated disappears after the bus hijack, which I find weird, because the date didn’t go wrong (between them, I mean) and so I expected it there to be a follow-up, but nothing. The girl doesn’t even try to get an explanation as to why Light didn’t ask her out again, even though she’s considered stubborn by Ryuk and she insisted to continue the date after the hijack. Light says to keep it a secret, but you can still ask for a secret date. She simply ceases to exist.

He’s nothing outside of Kira, which is quite sad and infuriating to see.

(lmao, co-star just sent me a notification saying that I should “start by seeing them as a person”)

In the post I made about Light, I highlighted other things I won’t go over, because I don’t want to repeat myself too much.

It’s totally valid to hate when people try to redeem him, when he’s not redeemable. He would’ve been it if he had realized that death note actually killed people, and so he refused to continue. We wouldn’t have Death Note, of course, but that’s how far I can go to excuse him, because he realised that it’s not the way to go about it.

(By the way, I don’t hate Light stans. I hate however how willing people are to support the idea of killing criminals in real life. That’s when my problem with his apologists begins. I won’t sit here and tell you how wrong and useless the death penalty is, because it’s not an essay about it – I still have my arguments from high school, from a debate during religion education lol –, but if you support it, please, inform yourself well about the topic.)

He’s not even responsible for the drops in crime, as the manga tries to portray it. I did a post (not written that well lmao). It’s quite impossible to me that he could do that (maybe another part in which Ohba didn’t care too much about adding credibility? I mean, he himself said that he didn’t do a lot of research about anything outside Japan, so maybe he didn't consider how impactless killing 200k people over the course of 6 years would be).

He first used the Death Note because he was bored. That was the main thing that he and Ryuk had in common. “The world is rotten” wasn’t used about criminals in that context. He then killed two people, realized what he did and gave himself a moral justification and goal, so he could continue, just so he wouldn’t be bored anymore. He started to even believe that he had that goal since ever, that he was meant to save the world and become the God of a utopia.

I sometimes have the impression people like saying he’s not evil, because they share some of his values and so, hearing that that is not well seen makes them justify what he does. You can share some of his values, even though I don’t know which those would be, but you just don’t have to act in the way he did. I think it’s pretty simple to grasp.

Ohba sees him as “very evil”, by the way. You could make the same argument I did for L, but while I can disprove that claim, it’s very hard to do the same with Light. For everything good Light did (saved that girl from being harassed), he did multiple bad things (first of all, killed him, and then believed he had to save the world and began killing multiple people in a day). For everything bad L did (putting cameras in Light’s house), he tried to compensate it (only Soichiro could see those tapes other than him; he wouldn’t extend the time period in which they would be placed without them knowing).

I won’t go into L’s character, because I talk 24/7 about this bitch, and it’s pretty clear to see that I do see him as better person than Light. I have several posts about him – not analysis though, just random thoughts. And I agree with your two points, since it’s also canon that he’s smarter than Light, and people who keep saying that it’s not true are simply in denial.

Now, about Misa.

You are so right for pointing out the lack of character analysis on her, and I want to add that most of the posts about her that we have try to portray her as an undercover real true genius™. She’s not, and that’s okay. That was not Ohba’s project (a woman that is smart, acts on her own and is able to possibly defeat Light? Impossible).

Her character is based on two main things: childish, fashionable girl (and) obsessed with Light (Kira, to be honest). That’s all she was to Ohba and that’s how she is shown to us.

Honestly, I don’t mind people saying that she could actually be much smarter than how she was presented. You do you.

And, while her forcing Light into a relationship is bad, the worst thing is that she is quite literally a murderer. She is not innocent. She’s a stalker, she killed innocent people for selfish ends, she threatened to kill any girl that Light went out with, and she was willing to kill a “friend” just to prove her devotion to him, whom she met 5 minutes prior to this.

It makes sense that she would want to serve the person who killed those responsible for her parents’ death, but whatever she did isn’t excusable.

I think I’ve always said she deserved to be written better, not that she deserves better in universe (but if I didn’t, forgive me, that’s all I meant). She just doesn’t, at least not after what she did to get Kira’s attention. She’s awful. Her past shouldn’t be an excuse for killing innocent people – Ukita, among all.

She chooses to be used by Light. And Light is simply being himself, bad as always, and treating her as an inferior, because he looks down on everyone – men included. I want to specify this because people keep pretending he’s gay and Misa did a bad thing by forcing him into a hetero relationship. He had five or six girlfriends before her, and I feel like he dated them to show that he can get what he wants, not to hide the fact he’s gay. Misa forcing Light into a relationship is bad just because… She forced him. Full stop. Even if he were gay, Misa didn’t know that, so you can’t put that against her or as an aggravating factor.

Now, onto the infamous scene that I literally can’t wrap my head around it.

The fandom points out that her imprisonment was torture. By definition, it was not. We aren’t shown Watari inflicting physical pain on her and she doesn’t even show to be afflicted by it mentally. Only exhausted towards the end of the whole thing, just like Light and Soichiro. Was it fucking immoral? Yes (and probably also fan service – Obata even said he went easy on her… like, bitch, what). Her hands and body could’ve been restricted differently, like Light’s for example (his body wasn't tied but whatever).

However, I would argue that restricting (not in that way, though, hell no) and blindfolding her was the safest way to ensure the survival of Watari, since he was there, or anyone she would come in contact, since L didn’t know how she could kill (she literally murdered Ukita in front of everyone’s eyes).

One thing that I still don’t understand is the water part. Aizawa points out that she hasn’t had water for three days. However, a few panels later – supposedly the day after –, Misa asks to go to the bathroom, and L tells her that’s she had been there a few minutes prior. So, I don’t get it. L wouldn’t let her go to the bathroom if he knew that she hasn’t had any water. If she wanted to move, why would she ask for that specific thing? Did he start to give it to her after Aizawa’s comment? Because: no water - > no need to pee - > obvious refusal by L to let her go to the toilet.

I stand by my belief that Ohba didn’t put much thought into that, only in her case though, which is so fucking annoying. I’ve reread HTR13 and the lack of anything regarding that scene is mind-blowing. It’s always, “Light here, Light there”. That scene gets mentioned a few times as “arrested”, like hello? She’s your other main character, could you give her a bit of consideration too?

Also, she’s an idol... How come no one questioned her disappearance? Okay, let’s say, the public knew she got arrested. And did she just go back to work after that? As nothing? Just got accused of being a mass murderer and they accepted her with open arms? I don’t get it. If they didn’t know, why wouldn’t anybody ask her where she had been? No contact with the outside world for 53 days, and no one cared to check on her? Weird.

“53 days”, but the manga counts only 50 days, because it all focuses on Light, which proves to me that Ohba didn’t care about Misa at all and it was just an excuse for Light to do the whole memory loss thing.

I should read the second part of Death Note, because I don’t remember her role there very well, which alone tells you a lot. I just know Light was constantly frustrated with her.

Did I write enough? Lol.

That was pretty much what I had to say. I’m not usually one to pay a lot of mind to Light or Misa if I have to be completely honest, as they are not my favourite characters. Love the fanarts, the memes and all, but that’s how far I can go. It’s been a lot of time since I’ve known Death Note, I’ve always disliked both of them, so it’s really hard at this point to rewire my brain and have a positive opinion on the two. I also feel like it’s a waste of my time to try to convince myself that I can like them, because I would rather spend it on my favourites.

Misa and Light makes me prone to conservatism here. Props to them. Power couple.

Got to say this, but I think it’s very hard for me to discern what to impute on the characters because that is what they would do and what the authors wanted to put into the story but didn’t know how and chose the most suitable character, just because. I mean, it’s not, “they do this because it’s in their character”, but “damn, I need to make the plot continue and do this, but who can do this for me? Oh, yeah, X! The readers wouldn’t bat an eye if they did this, even if it’s not really in their character.” To me, these are two very different things, but whatever.

#as always hopefully my english is good enough to be understandable #also i love that people feel safe enough here to write opinions that are quite different from the ones of the majority of the fandom #but it's probably because i do agree with them so there's that lmao #death note #dn.inbox #l lawliet #light yagami #misa amane #dn.general #meta analysis #death note meta

[crestapex]

Hello! I saw a post saying COD matchups are open! If not, please ignore this ^^ Also, I haven't fone a matchup ask in forever, so sorry if I'm rusty...

I'm punk and it really shows in my appearance. I got a red mohawk, and some piercings and tattoos. I like to customise my clothes as much as possible, so battle jackets, studs, chains, pins and patches with slogans and band icons/names are my daily wardrobe.

I'm nonbinary, panromantic asexual and I go by they them pronouns. I'm trilingual and I love learning about stuff, mostly languages and time zones. I am very probably autistic, so I have issues with social interactions as well as sensory issues and I have tics, motoric and vocal. Usually I just chirp, repeat phrases or wave my hands around, twist my neck etc. But sometimes, when I'm anxious, my tics get more violent and I often punch/pinch myself. I struggle with depression a lot as well as some unhealthy coping mechanisms that involve pain, to put it lightly.

I love art, I consider myself a poet, I got one book published and I like to attend poetry competitions. I also draw a lot and paint. I like crafting as well, I have tons of little projects either going on or in my head. I have to journal a lot, because if I don't write it down you can bet I'll forget it :D I also like cooking :)

I love animals, I used to have pet rats and would want them in the future.

I think I'm kind, maybe a bit too much, I would do anything for my loved ones. My MBTI type is INFJ if that helps. I try to make others laugh and feel comfortable, I'm kind of a mix between the parent friend and the clown friend. My love language is words of affirmation and quality time. I tend to get into arguments, because a) people usually take me seriously when I'm being sarcastic or playful (another tism trait), b) because when it comes to things I'm passionate about, I always think I'm right and I have the need to convince the other person that my opinion is better. Also because I get frustrated when people don't get what I mean exactly.

My special interests are horror, in all forms, horror movies, horror books, video essays, deep dives...I like true crime as well and I like to collect bones and other things people often deem creepy (I have a bird skeleton/mummy in a jar).

I think that's it, take as much time as you need, and again, if matchups aren't open, feel free to just delete this <3

You’re all good 👍 (I’m not too familiar with the whole MBTI type of stuff, so I tried my best to look into it, lol.)

I match you with: Rodolfo ‘Rudy’ Parra!

I think he’d be pretty into watching video essays and deep dives with you. Rudy would have no problem setting himself on the couch right beside you, claiming that it keeps him educated and his mind sharp. But really he’d end up passing out in 30 minutes, one of his arms wrapped tightly around you as if you were to magically grow wings and fly away from him. The other resting gently on your arm or thigh if you find yourself sitting practically in his lap. It’s one of the few times he finds himself at true peace and serenity.

Having any shared friends means you guys are definitely referred to as the parents of the group. Drama at the grocery store? Off to go gossip with the two of you! Looking for relationship advice? Once again, off to you and Rudy. And when you guys get into a small, tiny even, slight disagreement in front of your friends? All of sudden it’s the end of the world and everyone is talking about having two christmases. 😐

But also most likely to be the one to bring you down from confrontation or arguments. He will tell you when it’s time to take a step back and calm down, and he’ll continue to talk you down from it and put a comforting hand on your lower back. And if you want to take a moment to continue ranting about it? Go for it, he’ll listen, only to voice his opinion on the situation if you ask for it and/or after you’ve come back down to earth. He’s pretty level headed (especially compared to someone like Alejandro… *side eye*…) and tends to have good judgment like that, so I think that would balance out your relationship, especially if you’re more on the temperamental side.

I can picture him as some sort of gift giver, which I’d imagine would go pretty well with someone who has strong collector tendencies. And they wouldn’t always be the most elaborate and luxurious gifts—though it’s not out of the question—it be something small or something he just found interesting and made him think of you. Think of a gem or crystal he found be sold at a little gift stand, or a small drawstring bag full of bottle caps from all around the world and from all kinds of bottles (that, or he’d be the one to gift you the bottle caps to add a collection, lol).

Loves your artistic side, especially your poetry. Write him little pieces of poetry on a sticky note or torn corner of a piece of paper and he will most definitely keep it in his pocket, only pulling it out to read when he’s alone and missing you—“Oh, mi cielo…” he’d whisper to himself and bring the piece of paper right over his chest, on top his beating heart. He’d close his eyes and let himself be overrun with thoughts of you, even if it’s just for a quick minute before he would have to return back to work. And while you may not believe it’s your best work, Rudy will think it’s one of the most beautiful things he’s ever read.

mi cielo = “my sky” or “my Heaven”

#december 2023

[thermodynamiclawyer]

HAIII👋👋👋FELLOW PV ENJOYER I just wanna say I LOVE UR ART SM🥺🥺the way u draw pv is SOSOSOSOSO COOL N FUNKY I LOVE IT SMMM I usually don’t follow accounts that post purecacao not becauz i hate the ship it’s just not really my thing (also becauz my besties fav ancient is lily and we like making aus together a lot so it’s just easier 2 slam our faves together HSHSHD) but but BUT!! u are the EXEPCTION i just cannot resist ur pv art swagger. it is too pretty it is TOO MUCH OF. A LOT OF GOOD THINGS I DON’T WANNA MAKE A HUGE LIST RN BUTBUT ur gonna get spammed with notifs from me in a second becauz im going through ur pv tag and reblogging ur art of him. I actually saw ur art a lot earlier but. i didnt interact with it idk why I just didn’t feel like writing out a ton of tag compliment essays that day and then I just continued to put it off,, the wonders of having the disorder(s? I just recently got on meds for add but I’m not actually properly diagnosed yet) (also I’m autistic so disorders plural I think) I literallt have no other excuse for not interacting with ur art sooner other than. executive dysfunction sucks and also becauz I wasn’t sure if u were the type of real and TRUE!! purecacao shipper 2 still think lily is shippable or were one of the kinds of people to demonize lily insanely a lot. I had 2 unfollow some1 before becauz they made an extremely negative post about lily that made me kindof uncomfy but. seeing as u also ship hollylily(valid btw) I think it’s time I finally follow u becauz. I love ALL UR ART SM!!!! and I wanna eat it stuff it into my mouth like a chipmunk and run away with it forever it is so. ur style is soooososo unique but in such a visibly appealing way it boggles my MIND when people manage 2 make such unique art styles look SOSO GOOD especially since the only way I was able 2 make my art look okay was 2 make it look. less unique idk. no clue what spawned me 2 ramble on for this long idk I just. think ur art is cool okay. I see ur pv art and my eyes light up n go shiny like big sparkly anime eyes the way u draw is just so. sosososoososo. so. insert every compliment physically possible here I can’t possibly stress this enough just. art. pretty. and I’m envious that ur not even that much older than me I hope that. my improvement speeds up in the next 2-3 years it would b really cool if my art was just as cool as urs when I’m 19. idk. end of ask I’ve gone on for too long I’m sorry I hope u don’t mind. whatever this is ig

this means so much to me holy shit i’m so happy you like my art. and i’m very happy ur a lily enjoyer too!!! i totally agree with you, people demonize her way too much (probably because she “gets in the way” of ppls “gay ships” WHICH I HATE THAT EXCUSE). i still ship purelily, i like to imagine it as a relationship they had in the past. i’m not gonna ignore what they have in canon cuz it’s obvious they loved each other!!! (i’m not gonna freak out when i see other ships with the characters i like LOL). i still love lily and i want her to be happy, she has an incredible amount of depth to her character. she’s not heartless, but she’s not a shy damsel in distress like how other people depict her as well. she’s flawed and incredibly multidimensional, and i hope i have the opportunity to show that more often :D that makes me happy to hear you’re still open to other artists that ship different (normal) things, i hope you enjoy what i draw in the future as well!! i love the ancients a lot and i love other ancients-fans as well!!!

#cookie run kingdom

[greenvillainredemption]

Ooooo okay so love ghoulia <33333, in g1 she's in the main crew but not like featured as much as say, Draculaura, Clawdeen, Frankie, and Cleo. She is by far the smartest ghoul at school, and honestly has her act together more than the others cuz, love them, but they're messy. Ghoulia's bestie is Cleo, and I think at least in the doll line lore, ghoulia is the one who discovered Cleo in her tomb? That could be just to make a cohesive story for their collectors dolls though. Their friendship is sweet imo, obvi it can be a lil toxic at times cuz Cleo is.... Cleo, but y'know. Also also on the talking thing, I know alot of people were upset ghoulia spoke English now (saying spoke English cuz y'know technically in g1 she does speak, it's just in zombie, but I digress). Anyways ik there was a bit of controversy around the change as alot of nonverbal people found comfort and rep in ghoulia; I would give my own comment but I am not nonverbal myself and as such feel unfit to discuss that specific topic (if I find any good sources or opinions from nonverbal fans I'll be sure to send though). Anyways yeah! I am so sorry to have written an essay ask I'm just always excited to talk monster high jwahavgawjkejenskddkdndj

Ooo yeah I’m slightly more aware of Cleo’s popular mean girl status just from fandom osmosis. I never would’ve guessed she and Ghoulia would be friends based on their character designs, but it does make sense. The concept of an undead mummy is just repackaged zombies right? Ooooo.

Now that you mention it I do remember reading that she did make inarticulate zombie sounds, but I never thought it was its own distinct language, that’s kinda fun. But yeah i can see how it’d be very relatable to non-verbal people to see a character like that. I’m not non-verbal, but I do often get like really tired of talking and just kinda go ‘mhmm’ when people talk to me lol (not sure if that’s the same type of thing, I’ve heard it called shutdown or being semi-verbal? I’ve known I’m autistic for 5-ish years, but there’s so many specific things about it, and I usually don’t have all the right vocabulary for everything until someone brings it up first and I’m like ‘oh it was the autism the whole time??’) Anyway

Never apologize for big essay asks this is exactly what I asked for!!! :D Feel free to share more if you want!

#ask tag #dolls #monster high #actually autistic

[6loodlvstt]

Unfortunately I never heard of gul but I checked the plot and it’s interesting! I’ll definitely check it out when I have some free time. I don’t mind listening to summaries when I do other things. I enjoy to keep me busy reading/writing most of the time. Rn I’m trying to finish fear and hunger and I get angry every time I die lol. It’s so annoying but I love the vibes of that game. It was inspired by silent hill, berserk and amnesia. Sorry I info-dump a bit too much lol.

I’m glad you had a nice day! How was shopping? I also went out. Well I go out all days but I went to my fav bookstore and fetched a new book so I’m extra happy. And I love hades, I started it some weeks ago. Mythology is such an interesting world and I’m up for it.

I like to draw in my free time but it’s exhausting to work for game class projects. I can’t wait to finish off all this and focus on other projects. Piano is just a tool for be able to write lyrics in the future, or whatever I want. I get easily distracted when I play it but I’m confident that at some point my technique will improve.

The movie came out on February, from what I saw it wasn’t really popular but 100% recommended if you like 80s vibes. It’s an absurdist gothic horror..? Somewhere in the between. Heathers it’s a chef’s kiss. Probably one of my favs too. This reminded me of Little sister (2016), I seriously need watch it. It’s been on my watchlist since forever but I keep forgetting about it. I’m so forgetful.

Also sorry if I replied just now but at the end I decided to go to sleep at 3 am, my head was hurting -🩹

gul is super cool and not a lot of people actually know about it since it was basically lost media for a long long time

i dont sither! i normally play games while i listen yo things or while im working ill turn on some video essays and just listen to that while i work when music gets to be too much ^^

ough i heard fear and hunger was hard, rn im trying to beat dead space again and its not going well for me either lol

shopping was fine me and my mom just went and got groceries and that was it ^^ id love to go to a bookstore again theyre so fun to look around in

ive got like 300 hours in hades all together atp and its been a blast i love it very much and i could never get tired of it, plus greek mythologys always been a super big interest of mine! i love all of it so much and its so fascinating to learn

i used to draw a lot when i was in school since i always sucked at education, being dyslexic and autistic and having adhd really all just pilied and piled on to it so drawing was a giod escape and made me look like i was working on whatever they gave me, and if it wasnt on paper than id just play on my phone to pass the time, i also just used to read manga durong class if i couldnt be on my phone

violin and guitar and really. any. of the instruments i know how to play were for that reason to, i wanted to be a musician for a long long time till my grandmother decided to be a dick to me and i never played anything again :(

ooo it sounds interesting, i think when i have the time to sit and watch something ill check it out :D

its okay i just woke up and its like 11am rn

#⋆ ♰.˚🩸⌗ d a r l i n g s ˎˊ˗ #╰┈➤ 🩹 anon

[ivan-is-autistic]

12/25/23 - it wasn’t okay. content warning for shitty exes, a shitty roommate, and the trauma they caused me. i’m still processing the trauma from being a confused and mistreated autistic adult before i knew i was autistic, and the continuation of my mistreatment even when i knew and tried to advocate for myself.

it wasn’t okay for my ex “A” and his family to tell me i was ruining their fun on their trip because i got overstimulated from all the drinking and loud music and told him i needed to lie down for a bit. his entire family called me rude for stepping away and he told me to apologize to them over breakfast for what i had done. i felt guilty so i did . i now know that i was having an autistic meltdown and needed quiet time to retreat, they were all gaslighting me and convincing me that i was a horrible person for needing to lie down and that wasn’t okay.

it wasnt okay for my ex “R” to beg me to let him move in when we had just met, even if he was also a trans man who needed help and wanted to live away from his family. he was a stranger i had been seeing for like 2 weeks and i didnt have to say yes just because he was being pushy and i felt bad. it wasnt okay for him to spend all his money at the bar instead of helping with rent and it wasn’t okay for him to scream at me and be mean to me, even if he was self aware and getting therapy. im proud of myself for eventually standing up to him and kicking him out.

it wasn’t okay for my latest roommate to be dismissive of my needs that were very small/reasonable asks and continually not consider me in decisions that greatly affected me or my pets. it wasnt okay for her to make careless decisions that traumatized me and my cat and belittle my experience and make me feel small so that she could avoid taking accountability for her roles in the situations and avoid apologizing for literally anything at all. it wasn’t okay for her to continually flip the conversation back onto me and the little mistakes i made and make that the focus so she could avoid talking about her big ones that actually negatively affected people and animals. it wasnt okay for her to project her insecurities and flaws onto me so that i looked like an awful person in front of the other roommate. or to call me crazy and attempt to make me question my reality. it wasnt okay for her to lie and gossip about me, and it also wasn’t okay for the other roommate to enable her behavior and go along with her instead of taking a moment to hear my perspective. literally not a single thing she did to me was okay, not even the nice thing she did in the beginning because she later used it against me. whats even worse is i repeatedly told her im autistic and have trouble with communication (i told her im better over text and tend to be wordy and have situational mutism in person) and she was dismissive of that, said she wasnt gonna read my “essays” and suggested i get ABA and a “real diagnosis”, lol. obviously its already messed up to manipulate and bully someone, but i’m speechless at the fact she was told im autistic and have a history of being mistreated in part because of that, and she still chose to further traumatize an autistic person because she was allergic to the word sorry and didn’t want a “weird” (autistic) person around her friend circle. so she made up some BS to turn the other roommate against me and get me kicked out. it wasnt okay for her to do any of that and make me lose a job i liked and that paid well. i had to say goodbye to a nice safe place (well, physically safe) to live and a close job working with animals all because this person didn’t want to acknowledge her wrongdoings or work on her internalized ableism. living with me required minor accommodations (like reading a few extra sentences and only sticking to washing our own dishes) and self reflection. and that was just way too much for her. now i’ve had to uproot my entire life, move 2 hrs away and once again attempt to find employment that doesnt make me wanna Ya Know, and a new place to live that hopefully won’t be falling apart and unsafe to live in. and also find another roommate since i cant afford to live on my own. this is all extremely difficult to find being autistic, trans, without a car, and making 15/hr or less because no jobs close enough to get to will pay more. fuck you old roommates, i hope you have the day you deserve.

#actually autistic #autistic adult #autism #late diagnosed autistic #ivan is autistic journal log #trauma #it wasnt okay #exes #roommates

[cursed-elo-images]

On Melvyn Gale

So I'm just going to write an emotional essay on Melvyn Gale about how interesting he is to me as a person.

Melvyn Gale is just one of those people that... interest me, you know? He's mysterious, he's unique, he's lovely—he's not an ordinary guy.

There is not that much info about him, but I’m going to do my best with the details of him that are out there.

The reason I find him so interesting is how his personality and behavior are detailed, in Bev's book as that's the main source. Like he's portrayed as a very talkative and hyper-friendly individual. Talkative to a lot of people, especially his significant others! Although unfortunately Bev and I think Jeff found him to be a little too talkative in an excessive manner. While understandable and I don’t think that’s necessarily bad or rude in any way, it makes me feel a little sorry for Melvyn in a way whenever they tell him that they think he talks too much—not that I’m trying to be patronizing—it’s just that I understand what it’s like to be so talkative…

…and “different”…

And how people will make fun of that…

Okay, in his case, I believe Jeff and Bev were only just joking around as they were close friends. That is obviously different than what happened with me.

As a child, I was admittedly very socially awkward, and yes, you could say that I was not one to automatically understand a lot of social cues. One of them being taking turns in conversations, and subjects of conversations. I talked to people A LOT about my interests, and a lot of people indeed found me annoying. I also learned that as an early teen that a lot of those people were not actually trying to be my friends but were also teasing me behind my back, which really struck a nerve with me.

Since then, though, I have gotten better at being more socially healthy and I have improved my social skills despite not really knowing how to socialize still, I think. Sometimes I do tend to become too talkative but now that I am an adult I can try to keep it under control. Moreso now I have trouble thinking on what to say and if I sound rude or polite. I do think that I may should have had prevented myself from being too talkative as a kid as it was a bit destructive at times. Still, it does not excuse bullying someone for being hyperverbal and believe me, the ridiculing I received still stings today a little bit.

And, yeah, besides the social issues, I also tend to have highly specific interests that I interact with in a very, very deep and fixated way. By now you probably would guess I am probably neurodivergent, specifically on the autism spectrum, and… you might be right. I have never been diagnosed though since a lot of times that happens with undiagnosed autistic people. It’s especially because I am a woman as well, which is also a common issue with us going undetected. It’s getting better each decade, which I am thankful for. But it still bugs me how uncertain I am, yet at the same time I am certain if that makes sense. I do plan on getting reviewed again by a therapist soon to see why I am the way I am. Regardless, I do not view this as a bad thing and now I understand myself more after researching this topic.

But this essay isn’t about me, is it? No—so let’s move on.

I cannot speak for Melvyn. While I can relate to him, I also don’t know why he was this talkative as well. I cannot assume anything as I do not want to jump to conclusions, say things that are untruths, poorly theorize things, lean into stereotypes, intrude in his business as that’s not appropriate for obvious reasons, etc. It’s a maybe-this-or-maybe-that situation. I know nothing, so I’m going to act like I know nothing.

What I will do is explain what all of this means to me. In context to Melvyn as once again I don’t want this post to be about me lol.

As I thought about all of this: I almost cried. Its just—okay, the fact that not only did I become a fan of ELO’s music but also the weird and wonderful members made me learn that it’s okay to be yourself, because one shouldn’t put so much energy in trying to be like someone else. And that there might be others to relate to. And… I love the members, and I also learned what real love (in the general sense I mean, as a concept, not romantically haha) is like. I feel free, I feel I can appreciate them without judgement and I enjoy them dearly. I accept them for who they are, like Melvyn for example, because I kind of know what it’s like to be talkative like him.

I feel represented in a way.

Being in the fandom made me understand life so much better, for reasons I mentioned previously. I just hope he wasn’t ridiculed in a mean-spirited way, and I really do wish him the best. I’m glad to be an ELO fan.

I don’t find him annoying. Like, not at all. Not even a little bit. I don’t think I even can to be honest. Again, it’s not only because I’m fond of him, but also because he’s just so relatable to me. I enjoy listening to him speak in interviews and what not. Oh and he’s funny too. The whole exchange with him and Sharon Arden about cork heels just entertains me.

Overall, I’m so glad to be a fan of this band, and I’m glad that I’m a fan of their lovely, polite, and socially awkward cello guy. I feel a bit happier now knowing they exist…

Melvyn Gale is awesome.

#electric light orchestra #melvyn gale

[kanjukucompany]

hello! can i ask why you were disappointed with the latest event? i love a3, but i also love unpacking when i think it fails, so i'd be interested to here your thoughts. i haven't read it, since i don't read japanese, so i don't know any details.

thank u for this bc i have quite a few thoughts on it lol

(answer under the cut, event spoilers)

(glitch text ignore)

tldr: this felt much more like a filler sakyo event than a tenma event. in my opinion the only reason he was really the event ssr was because he played the lead pilot in the drama they’re filming.

1. considering tenma’s running theme of “reaching for/beyond the sky”, as well as his family situation, this felt like a huge missed opportunity with the airplane theme. honestly, this event could’ve had any other setting and nothing would have really changed besides the drama. (also i’m not a fan of the event costumes lol)

2. to me, it felt like complete filler. there was quite literally no conflict in the entire event. the “person nervous to board” is an old couple that doesn’t show up until chapter 8-ish (out of 11) and this is immediately resolved by tenma repeating some words he was told by a pilot when he was young. i kid you not their entire exchange was maybe 5 or 6 lines, compare this to veludo summer evening festival where tenma’s conflict with chihiro made up at least 2-3 chapters in a 9 chapter event (and built on tenma’s character in the process). besides that the entire event is just casting -> filming.

3. if anything, this should’ve been a sakyo event. it wasn’t super introspective on him either, but would still make good intermediary character conflict/building until his next play story. (think of it like tsuzuru’s character and the liar night event). everything on tenma’s end feels very reactionary to sakyo. originally, mankai was pushing for sakyo to play the senior co-pilot (omi’s role) but tenma instead suggests he plays a mechanic after noticing sakyo’s interest in the career after he finds tenma reading over the script. the cg line is sakyo saying “some people don’t have enough money to fly on planes as a kid… like me”. going by those two scenarios vs the near complete lack of tenma focus, this event could’ve been so much better if they just wholeheartedly focused on sakyo instead. even if tenma was still the secondary focus, i feel they could’ve made much better use of their dynamic than what was given.

overall, as a tenma oshi, this was a big letdown story-wise. especially with such a great tenma event preceding it like veludo summer evening festival as well as the recent good-writing streak they’ve been having with events in general. the only moment i kind of enjoyed was a mini flashback to baby tenma being scared to fly, the scene was pretty generic (and short) but i’m a sucker for him.

also i’m kinda disappointed that the cg wasn’t banten but in the long run i’d much rather it be tied to a better event story lol

#sorry for the essay LOL i’m autistic #do keep in mind this is all my opinion #if you enjoyed the event i’m happy for you #anon

[the-bee-graveyard]

I just finished reading this really good essay about how love can be different for autistic people and also how trauma skews your perspective on love and I'm thinking about Ty and how it makes me so angry that some people in this fandom force an allistic perspective of love onto him. We saw this especially with the ending of QOAAD and Kit and Ty's relationship through the books in general but I also think about peoples headcannons and fanfics and stuff. And honestly I've probably been guilty of this at one point because I think we're all so desperate for acceptance and to appear "normal" so we push the "we're just like you" agenda but that's not really true?

Like I think about the valentine's day stuff and the big poetic speeches and even having Ty verbally profess his love when a lot of just don't do that. Also something interesting, I think there's a widely held belief that autistic ppl don't say I love you because we don't get why we should? Or because we don't understand why people say it? But I don't think that's always true. It may be for some people but for the most part what I've found is it tends to be kind of triggering for us to say I love you because

A) people use their love to hurt us

B) Our love and affections are rejected by those who deem us "less than"

So as a result the whole concept of love becomes quite polarizing for us. And idk I guess I wish that's something that certain people would take into consideration. And I'm not saying that people can't ever have Ty say I love you verbally in their fics. It just doesnt always need to be neccessary.

Idk I feel like I'm not making sense lol.

Also I think a lot of it comes from ppl being allo romantic and having a very specific traditional commercialized view of love that always feels a little uncomfortable to me being aro spec.

I don't know where I'm going with this, the ADHD said now scramble! I think my original point was I want people in the fandom to understand and respect that there are other ways of loving and viewing love then what they might be used to.

I’m so sorry I never answered this I completely forgot about it.

I don’t have much to say because you said it right, just a quick little add on.

So many people’s ideas of being loved are the words ‘I love you’ and for romantic love, being kissed and going on dates and stuff like that.

There are people in my life who I love more than anything in the world and I can’t ever remember telling them that, because I shouldn’t have to. I love them, I show I love them, and they know I love them, so it doesn’t need to be spoken aloud.

We see Ty use this mentality with more than just Kit. I haven’t read the books in a while (I’ve been meaning to) but I don’t recall him ever saying the word ‘love’ when describing his family (I could be wrong) but no one ever questions whether or not he loves his family, because he shows he loves them. He shows he loves Kit too, but someone that’s what gets lost in translation for this fandom.

#ty blackthorn #kit x ty #the 🧚fae🧚 tag #asks

[tsukiyamavalentine]

Bestie im just dropping by to let you know that you are by FAR not the most hated in the fandom! You make awesome content? You have good takes? To don’t misgender Tooru and Kanae? You understand the nuance of criticizing content while also finding what’s good in it? Bruh that’s the most important aspects of being a good creator in this fandom and I commend that. Plus how can anyone hate you when there’s perfectly hatable people out there who think Touken was done well or who reblog ayahina posts from 2016 just to start fights? You’re way better than the TG crowd I stay away from and a wonderful blogger that I’m so happy to see on my dash!

Sksksksksk I JUST WOKE UP TO THIS BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE THANK U BESTIE 😭😭😭😭😭✨✨✨

Dw, Ik I’m not hated I’m just convinced I am bc of

✨mental illness✨

(One day my brain just woke up and chose violence).

I have both a god complex and a worm complex. 😔✌️

BUT THANK U

Also a lot of ppl have something against Tsukiyama but like Nishiki, and I am the opposite lol.

I always worry abt my criticisms being too harsh or nitpicky tho, bc I’m not very experienced in writing essays. I’m glad to hear that like, they’re not? So thank u!

I also come out with weird takes sometimes loo.

I didn’t know the Touken/Ayahina people were still around tho.

👁👄👁

I’m not sure how they survived that long, but I guess I don’t rly look for that sorta thing. I’m surprised they’re actually still here bc I honestly thought only the lgbtq+ autistic crowd were the only people putting up with this manga wow.

Anyway. This was a long reply sorry 😂

But thank u sm for ur kind words bestie! I hope u have a wonderful day! 😭💕✨👽

[painted-crow]

Submission time #3

The one who asked about Slytherin primary.

Thank you for answering my submision. 

Yes, the question about what’s up with that trust thing is a good one. I’ll have to think about it. 

As a person who either has or models some kind of fluid secondary for social situations and survival around people, I know that people can do and say stuff they don’t mean, just for that specific moment, just then and there. We all listen to our friends, to our family members, we might not always mean it, but we’ll still play along.

You wouldn't play along with someone you don't care about, though.

That’s what human relationships calls for, at least that’s what I think. (There’s a good chance I’m not a Gryffindor secondary). That’s what I’ve seen even in my friends.

But I also believe that we operate on some kind of principles. We may not really care deeply about something our friend is talking about, but we’ll be there and listen and try to be honest and say what we think if asked, because we care about them. The same way we can sit at the same table, write our essays, share thoughts and care about each other, but after an hour that will be gone, because now we operate on a different principle or thought. But then if your relationship becomes a value, a force on itself, a ‘principle’, that feels safe.

I think, personally, there’s a principle that you don’t talk bad stuff about your friends behind their backs with acquaintances, because if you do, what made you do it? If a friend does it, even if they say sorry, you can’t trust them anymore. You may love them very much, you may come to their parties and be so glad that they’re doing so good, but you know that the trust is broken. It’s hard to get, but has to be sacred. That means I can’t drop my performances with you anymore, I can’t be real and completely raw with them anymore.

Probably that’s why I emphasize trust that much. It means I’ll give you VIP access to my life, my thoughts, myself.

It sounds like what you're saying is, a relationship doesn't feel safe until caring about each other is the rule rather than the exception. You don't fully trust until that's established. It also seems like the relationship doesn't feel "real" to you until that happens.

This seems very Slytherin to me, but for most Slytherins, their inner circle people aren't the only people they'll let themselves believe might care about them. It seems like you're operating like that, though, and you don't have anyone in your inner circle right now, maybe because you're having a hard time trusting people in general. This is kinda textbook burned Slytherin.

Other primaries don't usually have this kind of dichotomy. They have relationships, and some are closer than others, but there's not so much a threshold like "okay, now we belong to each other and I can trust you completely." They may have relationships that are that close, but they wouldn't be able to draw a line showing when it got there.

Using different masks also costs energy, so probably I’m only modeling Slytherin secondary.

Probably a model, but also... doing stuff generally costs energy.

This is so slippery, like I’m trying to balance on some kind of invisible line in order to not be seen as a bad person, and I know I can do it easily and quickly.

Sheesh, you don't even trust yourself. Your brain is a hostile environment.

I managed to minimize my primary sorting to either Gryffindor or Slytherin. Both burned. Your insights on Ravenclaw primary really helped. You guys are really beautiful, and it sounds like your systems are neat and constantly updated, I’d wish I’d do that too, but I don’t have a preference for this kind of method, sadly.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it's not for everybody. Glad the post helped though ^^

You know what’s funny? I can’t think of anything that could have been that traumatic or dramatic to have such an impact on me. Most people go through more than I did my whole life, I’d say I’m the one to blame most of the time for my mishaps. 

So, I have a question... are you autistic? (Or have ADHD? That's a similar experience.) Because if you know the answer is yes, then like... duh. That's going to have an impact.

Otherwise--and I need you to understand, this is coming from a neurotypical-passing autistic girl who's never been formally diagnosed--there's a possibility you're autistic and don't know, and that sucks. A lot of autis who were quiet kids or adapted good social skills get overlooked for diagnosis, but we still go our whole lives being subtly (and not-so-subtly) told there's something wrong with us, until we internalize it, because we don't know any other explanation for why we can't just be like everybody else.

We find ways to act that are "safe" and won't be rejected so quickly. We can have a hard time making friends, partly because it takes so much energy to be around people when we're hyper-aware of how we look to the people around us, constantly monitoring to make sure we don't misstep and accidentally offend people. We ignore our needs in order to fit in with society, and we blame ourselves for having those needs in the first place. We call ourselves lazy or weak or hypersensitive, and we push ourselves to burnout in the name of "just trying harder."

It's exhausting.

If you relate to this? That's a traumatizing experience, and don't let your brain tell you otherwise. Being autistic or having ADHD, in our current society, is incredibly difficult even if no one realizes you aren't neurotypical. (It's easier if you know what's going on, though. Also, you start to find other autis, who are cool people and have A+ taste in memes.)

Or maybe none of this applies to you. It's just some of the stuff you've said, like about having to "survive" social encounters, or being worried about people seeing you as a bad person, or blaming yourself for "mishaps." Some of it reminds me of friends of mine who have c-ptsd. It's enough that I feel like I should ask if you've looked into this.

*sheepishly climbs down from soapbox*

I wanted to say that I collected judgment about the world more than on that situation. Strangely I can relate to some things from the other persons’ submission. I do absorb others opinions, ‘energy’, and it fades away with time after not being around. It costs me energy and effort to hold onto a belief, unless I really feel it, or it stuck, like they said. I have to constantly remind myself ‘this is good, this is right’.

And even then, like for my degree, the thought that I will be able to help people can’t comfort me the same way as the thought that I’m doing this for my family, that they won’t need to worry about my future anymore. It gets better if I can do stuff, that’s why I like to throw myself in situations. Then, in little things, it’s easier to say that this or that feels better in this situation.

My values don't weight the same, some of them are mine, mostly related to the fact that someone hurts someone, something. Others are what I know is right, but I don’t feel it, I collected those, and sometimes I feel like I’m hiding behind them, behind those words. If I’d be a Ravenclaw primary, this wouldn’t be an issue, right?

Starting to think you model burned Gryffindor primary.

Like the other person said here, I don’t have a defined sense of self, but I think this relates more to a secondary than a primary. I used to really overthink this question, but then one day I thought ‘I am me, every day this is me, I’m more my actions and the principles I can find under it then some thought that can easily be proven wrong. I am not the same person I was yesterday but kind of the same in some sense, but it’s logical to me if I base these things on my actions, and those depends on the situation.

So, Gryffindors also construct themselves, in a way. It's much more organic and subconscious than a Ravenclaw system. They don't *have* a system, who they are is the system. They construct themselves out of experiences and actions and decisions and it all comes together into a person with an intuitive understanding of right and wrong.

I get why this looks like it might be a secondary thing, but it's not really about methods--this is how Gryffindors grow into themselves and their beliefs. They're not making up their ideals out of thin air, they do come from somewhere.

I think you might model burned Gryff.

Sounds like Slytherin secondary, but I’d say it’s still always me, I’m still somehow honest, raw, just choosing which face of me to show, but then I don’t work on things, although I like honesty and to invest in relationships, so maybe still a Hufflepuff secondary.

Puff secondaries don't have to be dedicated to everything. If relationships are where you invest, then that's where you invest.

But the bra thing, oh god it does sometimes feel like this. That’s why I like to stay at home most of my free time. By not having to react and act and do and speak I’m most of the time my true self.

Right? Guards down, nobody expects anything of you, you can just chill. Alone time is the best.

Nah, I’m strange, but it’s fine :D

Just as long as you know you're the cool kind of strange ^^

I can’t say I don’t have connections and relationships. I have my family, a couple of friends. Maybe I feel this way because at this point in my life, in this situation, my studies, they aren’t here, not in the same spot as I am. They can’t objectively stand here with me and understand how I feel. Yes, I still feel like it would be fine if I’d only wouldn’t be alone in this situation. I always feel better, stronger, fuller when I find a friend in new places, situations, schools. I’m a loner who wants connection, laughter, shared views and excitement that only a relationship can bring in my life.

Hiss hiss lol.

It looks like now I did not spoke so much about what maybe makes me a Slytherin. Maybe I’m just craving a relationship that would match my situation, that would make me grounded in it, because relationships with my family and friends doesn’t provide me with this. Maybe I’m not one, but Slytherin primary is the one I can understand, and get behind mostly. Gryffindor primary would be... A strange fit. I can understand it but I can’t get behind it, most of the time. It’s like someone saying that they think I’m beautiful. It would leave me blinking for a second and not really understanding are they for real or do they want something from me.

Do you think Slytherin would still be a good fit here?

Yep. Burned Slytherin modeling burned Gryffindor, I think.

P. S. Thank you for your advice, I’m definitely trying to get my own mind untangled.

Sure thing! Hope this helps ^^

#sortinghatchats #submissions #burned slytherin primary #burned gryffindor primary #gryffindor primary model #paint speaks #submission

[softestsaddestbitch]

December TC Challenge

stole this from @elder-edda (sorry for creeping! just, given the usual demographic of the tc community I was excited to find another 20-smthg)

1) what color is your tc’s hair?

He has just, simple brown hair but he’s starting to go grey which, no lie, is 100% doing it for me.

2) is your tc married?

Yes? He doesn’t wear a ring and I believe she kept her last name which makes me think it’s more of a civil partnership since they’ve been together since the early 2000s at least. But he also will refer to her as “my wife” and was telling me once that they waited until “after they got married” before moving in together.

3) if yes, do you care? would you do something with them regardless of their marriage?

I know these questions are general but I do take offense at the idea of being a homewrecker/other woman. I’ve met his wife, she’s really nice.

4) what’s your worst memory with your tc?

I put my foot in my mouth SO OFTEN. Good lord. Especially my last semester at that school? He was acting weird and I had just realized after fucking ... four years?? that I romantically liked him. So I kept bringing up my weird age fixation and other bs bc I have adhd and am possibly autistic?? and can’t read a room to save my life.

5) what’s your best memory with your tc?

One year we had a really bad snowstorm, so bad in fact that I had my first-ever snow day. The college that I used to go to has four campuses across as many cities, and C has to drive in twice a week to my (old) town from his. Now, morning classes had been canceled but afternoon classes had been given the go-ahead. C, who does not check his emails until he arrives at campus, evidently did not get this message until he was already in town and therefore didn’t have a morning class, but did have an afternoon class. On this day I had a late morning class that had been reinstated, but my prof didn’t get that memo so I also was on campus but didn’t have a class. So I went to visit his office, which I had been doing throughout the semester (I didn’t have a class with him at the time) and we just ... hung out for like 2 hours. It was so nice and one of the anecdotes he told me still haunts me lol.

sidenote: at the time, I hadn’t yet realized that I liked him, but I still went out of my way to visit him. Damn I was a dumbass.

6) does anyone in your school know how you feel?

ish? I told a classmate but in a “haha joking” kinda way. And a friend who went to that school knows. No one at my current school knows.

7) does your tc know how you feel?

I think he might? might have a lil inkling which would explain why he started acting so weird my last semester. Or at the very least was told/realized how bad it could look that he was getting so chummy w/ a student.

8) do you think there’s any chance your tc reciprocates your feelings?

He and his wife have been together for around 20 years now. No. No, I don’t think so. Maybe in an alternate universe.

9) are you getting your tc a christmas present? if so, what is it?

I have in the past! Specifically like, a tin of cookies lol. I’ve also given him an actual present when I left. I do intend to send him a Christmas card every year but not this year because ... you know ... the apocalypse.

10) have you ever flirted with your tc?

Flirtation inherently has intent. So, no. How he interpreted our interactions I don’t know.

11) how long have you had a crush on them? what began it all?

SO! TIMELINE!

I was at my old school from September 2014-April 2019, I had C for the first time in September 2015. Like I mentioned above, I did not realize I had a crush on him until literally the middle of my final exam of my class with him December 2018, so I’ve only consciously had a crush for about two years now. However, as I also mentioned, I went out of my way to stop by his office, even when I didn’t have a class with him. And my relationship with/feelings towards him are complicated so I’m not going to say I did so solely because I like him, but I would put it maybe closer to somewhere in 2017. You don’t plan your schedule around someone you don’t feel strong feelings for.

12) do you believe you’ll get over them shortly after you stop taking their class/have the chance to spend time with them?

As of today, it has been been exactly a year and a half since I last him in person. In the time since, I have cried over missing him, routinely gone back to keep up with his current research projects, and made his picture a part of my home screen. I almost exclusively listen to the playlist I made for him -  so much so my Spotify Wrapped is pretty much that playlist with a few extras.

13) what kind of grades do you get in their class?

Haaaaaa pre-supension I was failing his classes. My first semester back I got .... a mid/high 70? and I finished my last class with him with an A+ and the essay I had written for his class had the highest grade between the two classes so..

14) does your tc ever do any tiny, little things that you adore?

When he puts a hand in his pocket and leans against the wall. When he tucks his hair behind his ear because he keeps falling in his face (he has long hair, a little past his shoulders). When he can’t stop himself from googling something even if its in the middle of class. How you can ask him anything at any time. The way he would chuckle at my jokes. How his handwriting hasn’t improved in decades. How easily he brushes off toxic masculinity. His candidness and willingness to share little anecdotes. The way he used to always smile whenever he saw me. That he goes home everyday to have lunch with his wife.

15) are you their favorite student?

I was! And it was obvious to other students that we had a friendly, casual relationship too. For a time, if his other students had questions about him they would ask me, and I usually had the answer. I didn’t matter in the long run, but I was. 

16) do you two share any tastes? movies, books, music, etc.

He’s a legal historian, I’m a baby legal/political historian. We also like the same historical cooking youtube channel.

17) is your teacher religious?

I doubt he would say he’s religious, but I feel like we have a similar relationship to religion which is to say no formal association, but had profound effects on our childhoods and subsequently, presumably, how we view things as adults.

18) do you masturbate to them?

Yes.

19) do you communicate with them outside of school?

I sent him a meme once. And asked about the socialist uprising scandal he was apart of. I also almost emailed him while at a museum exhibition with my history friend. These are all through email.

20) do you have any tc songs or songs you relate to your tc? what are they?

SO my number one song this year was “You are the Reason” by Calum Scott because, you guessed it, of him. But also:

I Lost a Friend - Finneas When You’re Ready - Shawn Mendes You Are in Love - Taylor Swift Break My Heart Right - James

& given the season, especially w/ what transpired last year, Last Christmas by Wham!

21) what’s your favorite thing your tc has said/memory you have with them?

One time he kinda trailed off in the middle of lecture after stating that he thought of xyz a particular way which contrasted one of the popular schools of thought, and the way he plainly said, “well, yeah, which I guess ... is I’m arguing it” almost like he was semi-surprised with himself has always stuck with me. 

But also, in addition the memory I shared earlier, we spent an hour and a half talking about grad school and what to expect and how to get there. 

22) do you plan to continue a relationship with them after you leave school?

I trid, I really did. But he doesn’t “socialize with students part or present” so I can’t exactly see him. But I did get some academic-related from him at the beginning of the year.

23) how will you deal during the summer? will you see him/her?

He’s a hermit who used my last vacation before I moved to go on all the vacations he had to postpone because he was working on his last book. And this past summer ... Covid. This question is obviously directed at high school students, but in general, he lives in the back of head always, and when I’m in my hometown for the summer my heart aches because theres a none-zero chance I’ll see him, but I know I won’t.

24) does your tc support gay rights?

Yes. He’s never been put in a position that I know of where he had to outright condemn homophobia, but in one of his classes, he actively made the choice to make the very first reading of the semester about how women in ancient times had more agency than assumed, and also how the woman in the case study was a lesbian.

25) what class do you have with them? And what period? Do you have them every day?

History classes. I won’t get into specifics because it’s kind of an eclectic mix and I’m paranoid someone from the area could come across this. But I had him twice a week every semester that I had him. Again this kind of question is more so applicable to high school students, not so much university students.

26) have you ever drifted out during a lecture thinking about them and missed information?

No. In his classes he is too enthralling, and I’m a good student otherwise.

27) have you stalked them online? what did you find out?

In theory. He’s a fifty-year-old history professor whose reaction to a description of the big lipped/tiny face filter on snapchat was “that sounds disgusting.” The man doesn’t have social media, and if he does those privacy settings are on so students can’t find him he thinks he’s very professional. I do visit his mini-bio section on the college website fairly often tho.

28) have you ever run into them outside of schools? what happened?

I did once. He introduced me to his wife, who said “oh you’re E! C has talked about you” and it apparently he had done so positively, and blew my mind because this was back when I was failing classes and also, as a person, I don’t believe that people think about me when I’m not there. They gave me a restaurant recommendation and afterwards his wife surprised me a they were leaving the restaurant because ... we had listened to them, and they also went there for lunch that day.

29) has your tc ever spoken of teacher-student relationships? what did they say?

It had recently come out that it had been found out that another professor had been in a relationship with a student and he’s the one that brought it up before class one day (with all of us not just me). He didn’t say anything for or against it, just that it was generally discouraged, but that most schools did have policies in place to handle the situation.

30) do you regret telling anyone about your tc? if you’ve kept it a secret, why have you done so?

Absolutely not. I can’t tell my best friends because they’d do nothing but give me shit for it and it would call every time I mention him into question. But the friends that I have told ... its been so freeing, and like a weight has been lifted from my heart. One friend in particular I unloaded on her all my emotional shit pertaining to him this past summer and she was so understanding it legit since then I’ve been less distraught when thinking about him. It still hurts, but it feels less like I’m suffocating now.

#personal #professor crush #professor crush community #teacher crush #monthly challenge #december