#sorry for rambling in the tags it is who i am... but yeah tldr it was nice to talking to you :D | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whumperooni · 3 years

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I'd love to be mutuals with you but now really sure how to approach you off-anon.

I've been holding off on answering this one because I'm not quite sure how to respond without coming off as rude or bitchy or grouchy or stuck up or just straight up ridiculous

So pretty please take this as a general answer for everyone wanting to be moots and not just you, okay? I promise it's nothing personal (specially since you're a nonny and idk who you are anyways)

tldr; I'm a bad moot and if you wanna be a moot it has to happen naturally

But

I'm a terrible mutual, tbh. My online presence is flaky at best and I rarely look at my dash. I'm happy to chat with my moots if they reach out and I'm happy to interact with them...but I don't really approach them and I go through long periods of time where I miss their content because a) I'm too busy to be on tumblr, b) my fixations have shifted and I don't wanna interact with stuff that's not centered on them, c) I'm feeling particularly tired and/or angry and I'm off tumblr because I know I'm going to lose my temper and lash out at someone.

I try to be nice to people and I try to keep an open mind and I really try to let people do their own thing even if it bothers me. But the thing is?

I'm not a super nice person. I have a minimal tolerance for bullshit and I have a problem with general fandom fuckery. (Like across all fandoms- not just here)

I get angry at fandom and I get angry at my dash and I get angry at myself and, honestly, my presence in fandom is more like a stray cat that wanders in when they're bored or hungry and leaves when I grow bored or irritated by whatever drama is going on that day. I'm selfish and standoffish and, honestly, jealous of a lot of things and people too.

They're not awesome qualities to have in a moot. They're not awesome qualities to have as a person. I try my best to maintain a more positive vibe but, really, it's not always strictly genuine.

And the thing is? It gets tiring trying to pretend that I'm not rolling my eyes at every post on my dash. I'm too old and tired to pretend to like people that get on my nerves. I don't follow those people. I try not to interact with them. I blacklist their tags and I'll block them if they really get under my skin.

I monitor my circle and I do it in a way that's strictly selfish. I refuse to follow someone who sends me into a rant every other day and I'll absolutely dump a mutual if seeing their posts starts to get under my skin. I've done that before and, honestly, it hurt to do that because I did enjoy their content a lot and I thought that we could actually be good friends....I just didn't enjoy them or entertain those daydreams anymore once they decided to dump me like a hot potato.

I've been on all the sides of being a moot- bestie moots, enemies to friends to moots and back to enemies, casual headcanon exchanging moots, the moot that's been dropped because the other found more popular friends + more clout, and the moot that's dropped the other because they started shit talking about things that are Extremely Personal to me and I wasn't about to deal with that.

It sucks being a moot with someone only to find out they've dumped you. And, honestly? That's a veryyyyyyyyy likely possibility when it comes to being moots with me? Which I hate because people don't deserve that and hurt feelings suck and I don't want to upset anyone if I don't have to. But the thing is? I have to monitor my experience on tumblr or I will spiral and become miserable and nuke my chances of being welcome in fandom during an inevitable, public meltdown.

And that means....well that means that things just have to happen naturally?

(God, I'm so sorry I'm rambling but I'm trying so hard to explain myself)

Like. If you come to me and you're like "I wanna be mutuals with you. I wanna be friends" then I'm going to recoil- especially if we've never interacted before. For one, something like that is supremely uncomfortable to me. How can I say no without coming off as a bitch? It feels like a trap- even if it isn't, even if it's purely just enthusiastic and sincere- and I'm a prickly, hermetic person by nature who literally talks to one person irl on a daily basis...who also happens to live with me and is my boyfriend.

I don't seek out friends. I don't seek out relationships. I don't try to make something happen when it comes to people? It just...idk man I have to let it happen naturally or eventually it's gonna blow up in my face because I will feel restless and trapped and resentful. (Even if you literally do nothing wrong. Please understand that I'm a kinda shitty person, I work two jobs and I'm always stressed, and I'm bipolar and unmedicated. Please understand that I try and I'm not using these as excuses but just stating facts- my mental and emotional state are often shit and I lash out at people once my stress becomes too much...which is often these days. That this has happened to me before and I know myself and I'm trying to be truthful and not set up any rosy expectations just to disappoint anyone)

Like...if you still wanna be a moot, all I can say is to just...interact with me? Maybe I'll check out your blog and vibe with what I see????

But there are layers and layers of why I'm Not a good moot and there are layers and layers of reasons I'm not going to follow just anybody just because I'm asked.

I...I don't know. I don't know how to end this and I don't know if this makes any sense at all or if it's too much explanation or not but...

Just...don't have any expectations when it comes to me. I'm making no promises to anyone and I'm trying to be transparent.

I won't be mutuals with someone just because they want me to be. It's gotta happen naturally or it won't happen at all.

And I am sincerely sorry if it causes hurt feelings or if it comes off as rude or mean or bitchy or something. Rejection fucking sucks, you know?

But I have to look out for my mental and emotional health and, unfortunately, that means setting boundaries and limits and monitoring my experience very carefully.

So...yeah.

I'm sorry. I know this is probably super unsatisfying and I'm deeply apologetic over it.

But...yeah. That's that and I'm going to shut up now.

(Sorry)

#uh sorry about this answer #and sorry if it doesn't make sense #please don't hate me #i'm really just trying to be honest

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finaledenialist · 3 years

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Psychology Anon here.

It absolutely is the same with the violent dark fics that exist. As long as the audience is properly warned then it is up to viewer to decide if they are comfortable to read. And I honestly understand why places like AO3 where created, bc honestly to me fics are harmless bc it’s all fictional. We’ve seen what happens when someone decides to censor fan spaces. So I would never encourage censorship of fan spaces, bc that’s subjective and up to the executives, sure they could censor dark stuff, but that same person could be like you know I disagree with LGBTQ bc of religious reason so they censor that. We’ve seen that happen. Now places like porn websites should be held more accountable bc there are times that an amauter community will actually film an assault and upload it. So censorship should be a thing there bc it involves hurting an individual.

It’s such a complex issue bc the we as a society like to think humans are based on logic and reason. But the reality is we can definitely be influenced by media we consume as well as who we follow. As we see with the divide in the United States currently as many fall victim to misinformation. It feels like that takes away from the personal accountability aspect of things but really it’s up to the person to look at something and say ok where are the sources, am I comfortable with this material, and so on. Same with the mental gymnastics that w*nchesties go through w blaming us. It’s the same as blaming “others” for their problems. They have cultivated in there own little corner this lack of responsibility in their own actions. No hellers aren’t saints (reference to another ask I saw) but for the most part we don’t go out of our way to hate on real people. We may demand accountability sure which may look like hating on someone but the reality is yes you can be held reliable for damaging things you say. I live in the Us for example, and ppl will scream freedom of speech it’s freedom of speech but that here at least only protects you from being prosecuted by the government. It doesn’t protect you from a societal fall out. While there is an issue w cancel culture, I think people confuse that with accountability and it’s two separate things. Sorry this feels like it makes no sense and just a ramble. But hopefully it makes sense to you. It’s really down to complex issues we see played out right now.

I was just joking about the w*lkercest tag, I don’t blame you. I knew what I was getting into. My curiosity is notorious and gets me down deep into rabbit holes so it’s all on me. It’s probably why I studied Psychology I want to know what makes ppl tick.

Psychology Anon ily, please feel welcomed into my inbox at any time. I will bring wine next time, seriously.

Now: I basically agree with all you're saying. Freedom of speech shouldn't be freedom from consequences of the things you said. And demanding an apology or a reaction for something someone said is good! If that person keeps talking shit though and is not willing to learn, yeah, they might find themselves cancelled (I am not a fan of cancel culture, but sometimes... I feel like in social media era this is sometimes the only way the audience can 'punish' someone for shitty behaviour, not paying attention to that person is the only way to show them that they exist because of the audience and without their attention they are not that strong so they should be careful what they are saying; tldr cancel culture is problematic but it's based on valid reasons imo, problem is what reasons that particular audience has)

And I am completely anti censorship in fanfiction. Let people write the darkest stuff they can come up with, no matter the reasons (i see people defending themselves that these fics - writing and or reading them - help them process trauma or something. okay but i think that the simple want to explore, curiosity, is as much valid reason for this). And I don't agree with backlash some of the writers experience from people with a holier-than-thou attitude, who, if it was up to them, would only approve fluff or some general fics. Just tag everything properly and it's up to the reader, end of story, right?

As long as no real people are involved, anything goes I guess. That is why I think some stuff should be kept in fandom, but that doesn't equal censoring questions at cons for example because how long even mentioning destiel was literally forbidden. that was sick because it went to extreme. but i think that talking about rpf for example should be banned because that actually involves real people and can make them very uncomfortable. like, they didn't consent to be a part of it. i am not saying rpf is evil, as long as it's kept in the fandom because ultimately these fic writers are writing about some version of that person that probably has not much to do with reality. this is a character based on a real person. it's still a fantasy.

and with fictional characters you don't need consent. because they don't exist and whatever people write, no one gets hurt, i guess? ok this got long, now i am rambling

#ask #anon

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obscureamor · 4 years

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I WISH I COULD EXPRESS MY LOVE AND APPRECIATION FOR U N UR WORK IN BETTER WAYS BUT ALL I KNOW IS EAT HOTCHIP, BE HORNY ON MAIN AND LIE DYRVJFDRY

My dumbass just reread those tags on the last thing you responded to of mine and !!!!<3 omfg. I have the blog itself up and ready to post (I was gonna take myself off anon for this but tumblrs only letting me send in stuff from my old account ):)

I made a navi (posting da actual rules n shit soon <3) by ur suggestion AND IM SO FUCKING EXCITED DHDYR

Right now I'm working on a teacher suga x single mom reader and it's taking me alot LONGER TO WRITE THEN I WANTED TO BC LIKE FUCK IDK. I just want to publish one big piece to start off but honestly im thinking of just redoing n publishing my old yamkeda fic that I never finished djdkfkfk BUT YEAH OMG <3

Also, my dumbass (who's never been high in my LIFE) keeps writing thirsts abt weed and shkt and I wanna post them so bad but I'm scared I'll look like a DUMBASS. I just wanna write abt skaterat tendo making reader smoke with him to "prove her love" for him before diddling her while shes all sensitive and dazed off her ass after like one hit in peace </3

OKAY SORRY I RAMBLED TOO FUCKING MUCH AHHHH THIS IS SO LONG BUT TLDR: MY @ IS @saekogun AND UM YEAH THATS A THING AHHHHH HOPE YOURE DOING WELL MISS NADS<3 -keda keda keda

bitch me too lmaoo BUT YAMKEDA BRO STOP 🥺COME OVER HERE AND LET ME GIVE YOU A BIG SMOOCH!! hmm if your new blog is a side blog, then you can only send in asks from your main account (which i’m assuming is your old blog)! which is really dumb and stupid. ;((

YES YAMKEDA IM EXCITED TOO OMG but yes! make sure you have your rules and everything up first and then start posting your work so people can get a little looksie. suga and single mom???? i am looking. OOOO THAT YAMKEDA PIECE!! WAS THAT THE ONE YOU SENT ME??? BC YES OMG AND ugh, i felt that so much. i’ve been wanting to write semi making reader snort some coke along with some other stuff and i just... i have to find someone to ask or i’ll probs ask my brothers friend kskssjsj but tendou would do that! he’d be all ‘come on baby girl. just for me.’

don’t apologize for rambling! it’s totally fine! i love talking to you guys sm ♡! and i’m doing well! just my brain is all blehh. hope you’re doing good, yamkeda!! AND I JUST LOOKED AT YOUR BLOG AND ITS SUPER CUTE!! i love the navi and omg whenever you post your first work let me know!

#amor: yamkeda 🌸#no thots just brandy on repeat.#am crying rn bc that was really sweet.

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jjkfire · 4 years

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hello, do u have an estimate of when the new chapter of sweet saccharine will be published?🥺

haha uhhh i honestly can’t give you a date, sorry! do join the sweet saccharine tag list if you haven’t already so i can tag y’all whenever i post it. but realistically, try me will be updated before sweet saccharine, so.... there’s that haha. if you haven’t seen it, you can go to the bottom of this post to see a preview of the next SS chapter.

i’m gonna put the full reason as to why i am taking so long to write anything... tldr is that i’m just doing a ton of different things atm! but you can read the full story down below

I'll be honest and say that my writing has been sitting on the back burner for some time. i get in a few 100 or so words here and there but I haven't dedicated like a full day to writing in a while. the truth is, I'm really so busy at work!!! and this working from home thing has my work schedule all messed up. it just feels like my work day is stretched because I can't focus so I end up working for a much longer time 😔

also i feel like I have to learn 501 things to keep up with my job but you guys know me haha I love to learn anyway so it's all good but it's just that it eats into my writing time.

and 🤪 I know you guys are tired of hearing me say this but I've really doubled down on learning how to trade and invest. and before you scroll away, no it’s not a scam. warren buffett built his fortune through investing. and i just really want some of you to know that you can generate income with investing so please please please take advantage of it. of course i’m not going to be as rich as warren buffett lmfao but it's a really nice hobby that pays me and writing unfortunately doesn't. like... I love writing! it's amazing!! but it's just the amount of time put in versus the money I get from it is like zero... which is totally fine lol I don't think people want to pay for my writing anyway HAHA and yes, yes, not everything has to be about making money. but i so so so hope at least like one person here followed my advice and invested in that crash in March (my posts were on feb 29 and march 15th respectively and the market hit the lowest point for the year on march 23rd). i literally put my money where my mouth is and bought when i said to buy.

i bought shares of square (ticker: $SQ) at 45 dollars in March and it is 142 dollars today (as of writing, August 13th). meaning I made 97 dollars from one share alone. and if i sell it tomorrow even minus tax it's like give or take 86 dollars profit. all this from just clicking buy. if you can buy one bts concert ticket worth 300 bucks, and considering the concert was cancelled this year, you could’ve bought 6 shares of square with that money and you’ll be 510 dollars richer today. or if you’d rather buy a company you’re more familiar with, had you bought one Apple share at 230 in march and you sold today at 459 dollars, you would have made, minus tax about 201 dollars. (and tesla was 361 dollars in March and it’s 1620 dollars today... yeah that’s NOT a typo). anyway these returns are soooo much more than what your bank is giving you. your bank gives you next to nothing. let me be generous and say right now (since they have severely cut interest rates) they give you 1.8% interest... if you put 300 dollars in the bank, you will accumulate 5.4 dollars in interest at the end of a one-year period....... versus $270 to buy 6 shares of square and then $510 profit if you sold today. do you see what i’m saying???? (you can also do paper trading first if you are scared. meaning use pretend money but it will follow real market prices so you can see how you fare in the market). I'm digressing from your question but!!! financial independence, we want it.

so if I can get just one of you to care about personal finance or investing, my life is made. it’s never too late (unless you are close to retiring then you should think hard about it) and never too early to start. i started in my senior year of college and that’s only because i’m not American and had to get a ssn. if you’re american.... and you have money that you know won’t severely affect you if you lose it, I highly suggest learning about investing. but, make sure you have a solid personal finance foundation too. the tldr is pay off high interest debt, track your expenses in excel or mint or whatever just track it so you can see where you’re wasting money and where you can cut back, take advantage of cash back on credit cards, never pay your credit card bills late, have a 3-6 month emergency fund set up, and then finally learn how to invest. once you do that, if you really want to you can graduate to learning how to trade options. which i do! and this means on top of what i make from investing, i make a few extra bucks every week.

[anything i said is not financial advice. as in don’t go out and buy square right now just because i talked about it. i’m asking you guys to learn about investing. do your due diligence about the companies. do you believe in them? do you think they’ll be here in 10 years? are you planning to invest in the company long term or you have an exit price where you want to cash out quick profit? do you want to do a bogleheads 3 fund portfolio? are you someone who wants to put your money in individual stocks or put your money into an all encompassing etf like VOO or SPY? it’s a tried and true method and investing in an etf on average over a 20 year period gets you more money than stock pickers or some hedge funds and definitely your bank as it returns about 7% on average every year. just learn!!! it’s not as complicated as it seems i swear]

anyway, that is the long winded answer on why i haven’t written in so long.... but please learn about investing please please please please. if you’re american you have so much more at your disposal aka your roth IRA account (you don’t have to pay taxes on your gains if you invest with this account but you can only take out the principal amount. after you are 59 and a half you can take out everything at zero tax cost) and also your 401k (if your company offers it and is doing matching, take the match PLEASE). you might get a second chance at investing at discounted prices again if the fed ever lets the market collapse in some sense lol but i think they will prop it till the election at least. anyway a financial crisis appears every give or take 10 years. also as long as you do dollar cost averaging, you should be fine. think if you bought at all time highs mid feb this year then held your stocks, bought some more when the market went through the shitter in march... then as of writing, right now, you’ll still be making profit if you sold. On August 13th, SPY (an etf that tracks the S&P500) literally closed two dollars shy from the all time high which was in mid to late feb of this year. so uhhh if it isn’t already clear, please learn to invest. whether you wanna enter the market now or wait till post election is completely up to you but PLEASE LEARN. idk if any of you ever read my financial rambles till the end but if you have questions you can message me and i can always direct you to the appropriate resources. i can show you all the videos and articles and posts i’ve read to date. don’t wait to start learning. you can learn and then wait to invest but whatever the case is, if you already have the knowledge you’ll be ready whenever there’s a good chance to invest. okay?????

#sweet saccharine #replies #anon

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emotionalcello-makefanfics · 5 years

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Summary :

“Excuse me, I think you underestimate the power of your cute smile. Nuclear warheads from the east throughout the west got nothing on you.” After solving a case, a detective tried to flirt with a hard-faced FBI agent. It doesn't go smoothly, but that doesn't mean he's going to stop. - - - - - “Smile to me like that again then I might not survive the night,” Chris swoons, and the one blushing is somehow Hotch, “Have you not been flirted on before?” “Not as boldly and creative as you do.” “Well, get ready Hotch, because I’m just getting started.”

Sequel : That Body = Absolute Unit and Not Now, But Someday

No Warnings Applied

Click title to read on ao3. Click keep reading to read on tumblr~

Words : 4k

The case of man shredder is finally closed. After four long days of following chunks of bodies in the alleys, they finally caught the unsub. It was the longest day he had ever experienced, and he had walked behind a hundred-year-old lady on the subway stairs before.

Detective Hamlyn – Chris for friends and lovers of the night- huffed and undo his bulletproof vest when they finally return to his precinct while police officers contain the unsub. The police officers, him included, notify the victim’s family, and their reaction is just as expected. They did a little briefing and say good work and goodnight as they close the case and tidy up.

The B.A.U. team seems rightfully s tired but they looked relaxed as they take this case as a win, so does Chris. With that, he feels it’s the right time to ask.

“Hey, Emily?” he called the agent by her first name. The last four days, he’s been bonding with agent Prentiss the most, though his true attention has been towards someone else. His hand inconspicuously pulls back his already rolled-up sleeves. Rubbing his arms as his warm beige skin starts to look paler.

“What’s wrong?” The agent narrowed her perfectly twin eyebrows. Her concerned voice and body language were caught by her colleagues who are sending the two of them watchful looks.

Chris had learned by working with them how scary their knowledge is, almost borderline supernatural. It’s crazy, but damn do they work.

“Nothing’s wrong!” Chris exclaimed in low voice.

“You looked nervous.”

Chris is doing his super-duper poker face right now. Maybe he needs to rethink his life choices too.

“I’m just... okay...” Chris groaned and wing it, “I didn’t see any ring so I’ve been meaning to ask if-”

“Oh...” Emily, flutter her pretty long lashes and leans away, “Sorry Chris, I’m not looking.”

Chris gapes, with eyebrows reaching to his hairline, “I’m not asking about you Em, no offense, you cute, but I was asking about...” Chris looks right and left, purposely ignoring Emily’s shocked expression. Chris leans down a bit and whispered, “I wanna ask if Hotch is single.”

Emily visibly froze, while Chris looks into the conference room with the mirror board through the glass window. By the oval desk he prepared for the BAU team, Hotch is by the table, reading case files and putting them in the file box.

To be honest, older man is not his type, and his face wasn’t that high on his priority list too. But seeing the man in action made Chris feel things in his chest, his head, and at some inappropriate point, his crotch. Honest to the holy gods, they were serious and focused on the job, and there was no romantic moment at all, but Chris is not the one holding the joystick to control who his heart rebels for.

SSA Aaron Hotchner, a man of few words, and a hard face. He doesn’t know how much suit and dress shirt the man brings but it seems like he’s been wearing the same black suit, and the same maroon tie with small dots and the same thin striped dress shirt.

In all the four days he’s here, never once did Chris ever seen him smile, not even a quirk upwards. His raven hair loosely coiffed, and eyes dark and deep and it just looks like two black holes with no end. They seem cold, devoice of emotion, but Chris knows that’s not true.

Under the light of day, when he tagged along with the unit chief to do a door to door interview, he saw the light hits his black irises. As they were concluding what they learned from the interviews, all that Chris can focus on is the light tint of olive green in Hotch’s eyes. Then slowly but surely, those sharp dark deep-set eyes pierce through his soul.

There’s more to that man than what he gave an impression of. Chris has been there as the man gives clear and cut-throat instruction, but at the same time considerate. Hotch is efficient, looks like a hard worker, respected by his team, but sometimes, when Hotch was all by himself, Chris can see how tired the man is. Even so, right now, the man just quirks up the tiniest smile as he looks into the missing teenager they saved.

His heart just stopped right there and then. A glint of light shines from his dark aura. Chris knows... oh he just knows he needs to get closer... He’s never been drawn to something this hard since he saw an authentic leather cowboy pants 20% off on Amazon

Maybe Chris just has a thing for mysterious emo boys? Well, not exactly mysterious emo boys. More like a stoic man, with a lot of baggage because of the emotionally draining job.

It helps that Hotch is dashingly handsome, and in contrast to his looks, Aaron is such a cute and boyish name.

TLDR: Chris is feeling some burning desire for the tall, dark and handsome FBI agent.

“Chris?” Emily snaps her fingers in front of his face, “Wow, you’re really whipped for my boss huh?”

“Am I? What does your profile say?” Chris tips his chin confidently.

“Well, in this case, your demeanor screams playboy, and you flirt with girls if she spares you even the tiniest spark of interest, but you don’t do casual relationship. You believe in love at first sight, you’re a naive romantic, but you’re persistent, patient, and you follow your gut. Now, your gut is pulling you right there,” Emily cocks her head towards her boss.

Chris cocks his head to the side with a smirk, “That never gets old, what you do is just so cool.”

“It can get annoying, I can profile what you google with incognito.”

Chris sweats, “Wait you can do that?”

The agent cracks a wide smile, “No, not with I’ve got so far.” Chris chuckled nervously and wipes his non-existent sweat on his temple.

“So,” his eyes are back on Hotch, unconsciously sweeping his dark chocolate hair back, “what are my chances?”

“Hotch was married once, and he just broke up with his girlfriend. That’s all I’m telling you.”

“Oof, total hetero huh? Not just that, everything he does is classic alpha male behavior.”

“That’s what I said too.”

“Fuck Jesus!” Chris spaz at Dr. Reid’s voice suddenly came from behind him. And as sudden as he says that, he’s gone just as fast, making a beeline to the coffee maker.

“Hotch is far from Jesus though, hair ain’t quite the same. And I never met Jesus, but I bet his skin is a bit more glowy, and you know, healthy,” Emily teased.

Chris spent a few seconds staring at Emily like she’s crazy, and then realized he’s the crazy one.

“You know what, I’m just gonna go for it,” Chris takes a deep breath. Tidying his navy dress shirt and makes sure his black fit jean isn’t crooked and his combat boots have no dirt on them. As he deemed himself presentable, he marches forward.

“Go for it tiger, good luck.” Emily cheers and Chris highly appreciates that more than Emily knows, heck maybe she does knows.

Heh, profilers. Oh, but Hotch is a profiler too. Damn, maybe he’ll know his intention just by a knock or something.

Here he goes anyway.

Chris knocks on the open door, catching Hotch’s attention, “Good work today.”

“You too, Detective Hamlyn,” Hotch nods, still no smile, “You’re cooperative, we hardly have any captain that do.”

“Yikes, I take it you’ve seen a lot worse?”

“Yes.”

Hotch stops tidying up the table and looks at Chris. Time stopped as his dark eyes investigate his micro-expression, but what Chris cared for the most right now is how pretty Hotch’s bottom lashes are. They’re short but full and intensely black, they go completely from one corner to the other.

“It’s nice meeting with you,” the older man said with a respecting and platonic nod as he continues to file.

Ouch, that’s worse than being rejected, being dismissed with a detached professional reply. Chris needs to be bolder.

“Yeah, nice meeting you too,” Chris takes a deep breath, “But you know... DC to Quantico is easily an hour train ride away, so it doesn’t have to be our last meeting.”

There’s a horse running in his chest, puncturing his heart with its hooves. Oh, and the look on Hotch’s face. He bet there’s a lot of murders and creepy bastards he takes on and he won’t even blink an eye, but now, Hotch blinks owlishly with his lips parted.

It doesn’t take a profiler for someone to know what Chris is implying.

“I...” Hotch looks away.

Oh no, it’s a dragged ‘I...’ means Hotch is about to reject him and currently trying to find the mercifully right word to do so, then they’ll never see each other again, like ever.

Time for bold tactic number 2.

“Look, even if you’re not interested, you’re a cool dude. I admire what you do, to face hundreds of sociopathic sexual sadist white males in his 30’s and still have your cool. Or maybe you’re trying to seem you look cool? I don’t know man I can’t really read any of you. I just... think you’re awesome and I want to get to know you. I swear I’m not up to something creepy. God, I’m rambling I’m sorry I’m nervous. Just um...” Chris takes a business card from the cardholder on his belt, and slide it towards the stunned agent.

“I’m down to hangout. If you’re tired of looking at the same face every day” Chris cocks his head towards the glass window, “Don’t hesitate to call, I don’t mind the train ride.”

Hesitantly, Hotch takes the card and inspect it. Chris had never felt this naked because a man looking so thoroughly at his business card.

“I knew Chris is not your full first name,” Hotch states, still with a stoic face. Emily could’ve profiled that, but Chris is not one and he doesn’t know what that reaction means.

“Nope, my real name is a tongue twister, so I just go by Chris,” he replies, like a normal person. He counts that as a success.

“How do you say your name?”

“Kristianto.”

Upon hearing it, Hotch doesn’t even bother to try, and Chris fully understands, “Malaysian?”

“Indonesian, on my mother’s side. Basically means Christian.”

Then Hotch stares to the card again, and Chris starts sweating. Should he escape now? Be like ‘okay call me maybe, bye’?

Then Hotch puts his card in his breast pocket and goes back to cleaning up the files.

“I’m busy most of the time, I don’t have a lot of free time,” Hotch’s voice drops low but soft like expensive faux fur and gentle as if meek.

“Duh, I can see that. I mean, as long as I get to see or hear from you, just a call or meeting for a short break, I don’t care, I’m down to do whatever you want.”

The look on Hotch's face is as if no one had ever said that before. Whoever was his wife or girlfriend, must’ve been the one pampered and forgot to pamper him back. Lucky for both of them, that’s his specialty. He’s not a people pleaser, but for Hotch? Boy does he want to please this man and show him a good time. That off-guard face he’s making just because Chris says something basic is the one that does it.

Chris, the casually pessimistic sanguine, now feel either optimistic or desperate enough to go anywhere this dreamboat is willing to sail him to.

“Really? Whatever I want?” Hotch, despite sounding monotone, looks actually excited. That just adds oil to his running engine.

“Yeah! I’m up until 2 am and woke up at 7 if you want to call me. My yelp game is strong so I can take you to the best restaurant and hangout spots around. If you want a chill daaa-I mean hangout! Yeah, if you want a chill hangout, I cook a mean chilly I learned from Binging with Babi-” Chris got choked up because of the sight behold in his humble presence.

Hotch smiles, at him. At him.

“Oh god...” Chris wobbles and quickly get a hold of the table.

“What’s wrong,” Hotch grabbed his arms. Repeat, Hotch is touching him. His grip is so strong he wants to be wrap in it and—now is not the time!

“No, nothing.” Chris dismissed, badly, as he awkwardly smiles like a creep and shifting his eyes anywhere else other than Hotch’s face.

“It doesn’t seem like nothing.”

“Profile me then,” Chris challenged out of desperation.

He got his poker face on, there’s no way the man knows.

“You reacted like this because I smiled.”

Why did Chris even try?

Chris doesn’t take kindly when Hotch looks at him incredulously after knowing that fact, “Excuse me, I think you underestimate the power of your cute smile. Nuclear warheads from the east throughout the west got nothing on you.”

Hotch smiles again, complete with a soft little scoff for extra damage. If that’s not a green light, then that little cheeky grin is too cruel.

“I’ve heard a few comments on my look, cute is never one of them,” Hotch admits.

“They either blind or have poor taste. Yes, your eyes are carrying shopping bags-”

“Hamlyn,” Hotch scolds half-heartedly.

“But they’re your charm! And-” Chris felt his brain scrambles like someone stuck a fork in it and spins it around like noodle in a cup of brain juice.

“Look,” Chris said, more to himself actually, “I don’t actually care how you look, or how sexy your voice is, dammit,” Chris lowly curse under his breath. “As you can see, I’m rusty.”

“You don’t say,” Hotch teased and seems to be having genuine fun, it’s not a sight for the faint of heart.

Smiling shyly, Chris glances at his boots, “Cut me some slack. I never actually approach someone like this. I draw the line on people I work with, but I really really like you, and I’ll be damned if I see you go without trying to at least get your number.”

The sharpness in Hotch’s piercing black eyes mellows. The wrinkles between his eyebrows are finally catching a break. With a loud thump on the files, Hotch is finally finished putting out the files on the table.

“What about now?” Hotch's suddenly said.

“What the what now?”

“I’m up for a drink, maybe a light snack.”

Chris short-circuit into oblivion. This is it. This is the shit man, pull it together!

“I... yeah! Sure! I know just the place.”

“Will it still be open this late?”

“It’s 24 hours, homebrewed beer, and the fried pickle is to die for.”

“That sounds nice,” Hotch sounded genuinely taken by surprise, he looks down to his watch, and he must’ve only noticed then that it’s 1 am, “I hope you’re not too tired.”

“No way, you just made me feel like I’m swimming in meth, not the best metaphor but yeah, you get it. I feel like I chugged a glass of liquid heroin, wait that’s not better. I swear I don’t have a drug problem.”

Then, honest to God, Hotch laughed. Not like the lame ‘haha’ chuckle no. A full laugh with a hand on top of his chest, and breathing shortly and eyes crinkled shut. This man has the ability to destroy him completely and Chris is so doomed. Oh so gladly doomed.

“Thank you,” Hotch said when he finally calmed down.

Chris doesn’t know what to think about when a man has to thank him for making him laugh. He’s glad though that Hotch doesn’t think he’s boring, or too forward, or even offending, god it was his biggest fear. Maybe this will go somewhere good.

“I’m done cleaning up,” Hotch notified.

“Great, let’s go, it’s a walking distance.”

“Perfect.”

Hotch grabbed his bag, and they walk out of the glass conference room. Only then he noticed Hotch’s team was huddled over together with watchful eyes directed at them. Most of the officers had already gone home and a few of the night shift officers already arrived.

“Hey, Hotch, ready to jet?” Agent Morgan called over. Hotch approaches them and Chris follows suit after grabbing his bag from his desk, keeping his jittering under the radar, hopefully.

“You guys go on ahead, I’ll fly by morning,” Hotch informed. This is the first time Chris sees his team seemingly suspicious of their leader’s decision. But honestly? So does Chris. One more day? For an outing with Chris? He hoped he’s not visibly blushing.

“What will you be doing?” Emily teased, looking pointedly at Chris who stuck a tongue at her.

“I have a date with Detective Hamlyn, goodnight everyone.”

Hotch turns around and walks away, leaving his team with jaws on the floor. No less Chris, who looks at Hotch’s back, then back to the five agents in front of him. He felt the eyes of five hyenas that looks at him sharply like he just killed their cubs or something. No words needed to know these people care about Hotch.

“I-It’s nice working with you guys?” Chris cleared his throat, “I’ll bring him back safely,” but that’s the wrong thing to say. He’s not taking out someone’s daughter for god sake.

“He’s waiting kid, chop-chop” Agent Rossi, his idol since he was in the academy, just ‘chop-chop’ him.

No need to tell him twice, “Goodnight!” then speedwalk towards Hotch.

Before the man even holds the knob to the front door, Chris hurries to open the door for him, instinctually. Given, Hotch looks stunned yet again.

“After you, my sir,” Chris bows and waves his hands towards the road.

“You do this to all your dates?” Hotch shakes his head amusedly.

“Yes, and it’ll gonna get worse,” chirped the old security guard, who gave him a side-eye and a held back smile.

“Sammy!” Chris put a hand on his navy dress shirt, “How could you, you know me better than that. I’m a gentleman to the core.”

The old man just chuckles and waves at the two men, “You guys have fun!”

“Goodnight sir,” Hotch nods at the man and walk down the side road with him.

After a few seconds walking and stealing glances, Chris finally says, “You’re an open book to your colleague, eh?”

“They already know you’re asking me out.”

“Yeah, but they didn’t know you accept.”

“Really?” Hotch smirked and Chris gapes.

“You sneaky sneaky tease!” Chris exclaimed.

Hotch smiles again, showing his slightly crooked teeth on the bottom row. Suddenly the late night air doesn’t feel too chilly anymore.

“First time on a date with a guy?” Chris asked.

“Yes, you?”

“No, I think I went out three times with a guy, dated one, which only lasts like a few months.”

“Huh, your reputation serves you.”

“Hey, no! I’m always the one broke up on.”

Hotch quirks up the corner of his lips, “I know.”

“Smile to me like that again then I might not survive the night,” Chris swoons, and the one blushing is somehow Hotch. “Have you not been flirted on before?”

“Not as boldly and creative as you do.”

“Well, get ready Hotch, because I’m just getting started.”

“Aaron, please. I’m off duty.”

Chris bites his lips from the smile threatening to form, “Okay, Aaron. Then call me Chris.”

The rigid and stern unit chief is finally enjoying himself as they carry themselves easy through the late city night. It helped that the bar is only filled to half that night. Most patrons are office workers with their buddies just gathering up to unwind. The bartender of the night shift is an old friend of Chris and he gave them a seat on the bar. The tv, people chatting and playing pool sets as a throughout mood.

They spent the night hanging out with cold craft beers and two servings of fried pickles, talking about anything and everything. Like the 4-days old news, because they pay no attention to anything else when chasing their criminal. What their plans for the weekends are, or their plans when they go home. Chris is planning to put a sheet mask, takes a long warm bath and sleeps as much as he can as he needs to work tomorrow. Horrifyingly, Aaron’s plan when he goes home is to work on a report.

After some persuading, lowkey begging, and a few embarrassing nicknames later, Aaron promised he’ll sleep first before touching those reports.

It’s noticeable how they edge away from personal topics like family, but Chris is fine with that. It’s only the first date after all. Even as they talk about pity things like their favorite foods and embarrassing university days, the air is comfortable.

He also learned that Aaron is not that much older than him, only by three years.

Boy, how many sleepless nights and emotional baggage did Hotch carry inside those eye bags Whether or not they’ll be an item, Chris is determined to make Hotch sleep more, or at least introduce him to sunscreen.

At 5 am, Chris drives Hotch to his hotel, and stops by the lobby entrance.

“I have a great time tonight,” the older man says, with smiling eyes murdering Chris with suffocation by handsomeness.

“Me too.” He was about to say something else, but he held back. He doesn’t want to push Hotch even further from his comfort zone.

“I’ll call,” Hotch’s words came to the rescue, and Chris is back from the dead and walks the earth again.

There’s a stupid smile on Chris’ face right now, and he’s showing it all.

“Okay, I’ll hold you to that.”

Hotch opens the door before his feet even touch the asphalt below he retracts and closes the door back. A hand planted on the side of his seat and a hand frames his face, that happened so fast, but when Aaron has himself in his merciful hand, he slows down as if he hesitated.

To proof there’s nothing to hesitate about, Chris caresses the back of Aaron’s neck and pulls him close. Chris doesn’t see Aaron close his eyes when he closes his, but the man doesn’t move away. His heart jumps out of his rib cage when he feels the warm lips on top of his. Aaron still tastes strongly of yeast from the beer with a tinge of saltiness from the fried pickle.

When Chris breaths in, he smelt a tinge of perfume blending with the smell of beer. The lips pressed against him nibbles on his, leaning even closer as Aaron’s hand plays with his hair. He can’t help the smile on his lips at the ticklish feeling on his scalp.

For a split second of their kiss, they let themselves be. He lets Aaron takes whatever he wants, no matter how little.

When Aaron finally breaks the kiss first, they stay in a close space.

“Thank you for tonight’s date,” Aaron whispered against his lips, and Chris finally has the gut to look into Hotch’s eyes.

How mysterious are those eyes. At first sight, it’s black, only when he’s this close and the light is right, he could see the slight low saturated green on his eyes. It obliterates his heart how much Aaron seems like he’s happy. It’s an honor but, Aaron treats it like it’s the first in a long time.

It’s only a date, but it’s starting to feel less superficial.

Maybe that won’t be such a bad thing.

“Your welcome, Aaron. Anytime. I mean it,” Chris hesitantly touch Hotch’s face, rubbing the soft wrinkles on the tail of his eye with his thumb.

Thank coincidence it’s 4 AM. They’re really taking their time in front of the lobby entrance, but no one is behind them. Still, one of them has to end the night, they got work tomorrow.

“You promised you’ll sleep first right?” Chris says.

“I promise,” Hotch replies, and he finally leans back, “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Aaron slips out of his car and walks to the lobby. Even then, Aaron took his time to look back and waves as Chris drove away.

The smile on his face sticks until he falls asleep.

It’s a good night indeed.

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