#sorry I’m so very verrrry late !!

[happyheidi]

archive mb for @sun-showerss ♡

#sorry I’m so very verrrry late !! #but ohhhh I love this little world I created in my head with this #cottagecore #nature #naturecore #ur archive is lovely <3 #a little cottage fantasy <3 #flowers #flowercore #archive mb #cottage aesthetic #cottage academia #grandmacore #farmcore #kitchen #kitchencore #garden #linens #moodboard

[f1tasies]

a bit jealous and angry pierre fwb smut propt (marking each other after being jealous)

Sorry anon, this has been in the works for a while and we'll, it got out of hand. Hope you like this veeeeryyy verrrry late reply <333

You run into each other at a street race— one organized by your friend, Kiyo.

“You better bring everything you have tonight,” she tells you. “We have some real talent tonight.”

You put out your cigarette on the stone bench, quickly formulating a response. “So you’re saying I don’t have talent?” You cock an eyebrow.

“Not the way he does," Kiyo shrugs. "He’s from France.”

Her nails clack against the windows of your modded car. You clench your teeth: You’d spent a lot of time, effort and money on it.

Not it, but her, you correct yourself. She was a real beauty.

“So what?” You clasp the steering wheel. “I’m from Japan.”

“Just be careful. Lots of bets on him. Let’s prove them wrong, yeah?” she mutters. “I’ll pay you double if you beat him.”

“I can handle anyone. Especially when money is involved.” You wink at her, pulling down your shades.

She nods, and gestures for all the other cars to join you at the start line.

“Ladies and Gentleman!” Kiyo's voice echoes out of a megaphone. “Who’s ready for the Wheel of Fortune?”

You groan.

Wheel of fortune was the most unpredictable of street circuit events. With a newcomer? It was not bound to end well. But you thrive on chaos, you remind yourself.

A man you fondly recognize as Luke brings out the damned Wheel of Fortune from the side, and Kiyo selects a random person from the crowd to spin it.

“As hard as you can!” She reminds them, and the boy yanks on the wheel. The lights hypnotize you as the wheel spins around, but you quickly snap out of it. The pointer lands on 47, and Kiyo pulls the corresponding envelope from a box.

The evil smile on her face tells you everything you need to know. The event was going to be one hundred percent embarrassing.

“Drivers!” she announces. “Pick a partner!”

Oh, you think. A co-driver assignment shouldn’t be that hard. Luke would be a great pick, because he mostly let you do your own thing. All he cared about was going fast.

You pop your head out of the window and wave at Luke. He smiles at you, his dark skin glistening with sweat.

“Should be fun, yeah?” you offer him a fist bump. He obliges, and gets in the car.

“Very,” Luke laughs. You get the feeling he knows something you don’t, and the intensity of his gaze sends prickles down your spine.

You adjust the settings of your car to your liking and then wait for everyone to settle down.

“Drivers!” Kiyo’s voice booms through the large speakers. “Today’s challenge is all about handling distractions.”

She peels off her red leather jacket, showing off her collarbone and incredibly fit torso.“Can you keep your eyes-” she holds it out, ready to drop it. “On the prize?” She cocks an eyebrow at the crowd. You think you hear someone faint. To be fair, she was stunning.

“Your co-drivers are allowed to use everything on you. In fact, they’re encouraged to go above and beyond to distract you.”

You hear the faint hum of a vibrator on your left, and slightly panic.

“Luke?” you whimper. “Are you serious?”

“Come on,” he smirks. “You and I both liked last week.”

It wasn’t a lie. Luke was exceptionally hot and very skilled with a stick. But distracting you while driving, it would be impossible.

Suddenly, a man in a Ferrari jacket jogs up to Kiyo, whispering something in her ear.

“Ah yes, of course!” she claps her hands to gather everyone’s attention. “I’d like you all to welcome Pierre Gasly!”

Your heart skips a beat. Pierre? Here? This was the frenchman tonight?

“You know him?” Luke asks you.

“Well, I used to be a professional. We raced together a few times,” you supply the short version. The longer answer was that you fucked him. More than once. You’d just started your European career and well, he was pretty and nice and sweet and so fucking hot. He looked at you like no one else ever had. But he didn’t want a girlfriend.

“Just once every week,” he told you. “I don’t want to get attached.”

You agreed. The sex was that good. But well, offers didn’t come as easy to you as they did Pierre. He moved on to bigger things, and you moved back home, choosing to finish a degree.

Your day job was accounting, and your parents were okay with it. You’d take over the family business one day. Your night activities though, that was the real you.

Like tonight. You rubbed your palms together. Tonight would be a great time for revenge.

The man in the Ferrari jacket slips into the car beside you. You roll down your window and call out Pierre’s name.

He looks at you like he saw a ghost. You smile, coyly.

"Want to put on a show?" Luke asks you. You nod, and you take off your shirt, leaving you in a flimsy, lacy bra. You shiver, but you don't know if it's the cold or something else. Kiyo would probably say someone else.

“Like what you see?” you wink at Pierre, trying to get back in the zone. Sometimes, you have to play dirty to win. “Not gonna be yours tonight.”

He ignores you and instead tightens his grip on the steering wheel.

“On your marks!” Kiyo screaches into the megaphone.

You hollow your cheeks, feeling just a bit conscious about using your body to get what you wanted.

"Get set!"

You place your hand on the gear stick, steadying yourself. Luke pats your back.

"Relax baby," he soothes you. "You got this."

When she says go, you floor it.

—

Luke's pretty chill with the distractions. There's a camera in your car that shows everything that happens inside, so every 5 minutes or so his hand would creep up on your thighs and feel you in between.

You were okay with that, Luke was a pretty good lay and if it weren't for the driving aspect you would've made out with him then and there.

He doesn't use the vibrator yet and you don't really give him reason to. You knew how to play the audience.

That is, until a Honda Acura pulls up beside you. Pierre fucking Gasly. You just know.

In a moment of weakness, you look right. The man in Pierre's passenger seat meets your eyes, and mock salutes you. Then, he undoes his belt buckle, pulling it off of his waist and holding it up to you.

You turn your eyes back to the road, there's a drift turn coming up and you had to be cautious, but based on Luke's reactions, whatever's happening in the Acura isn't good.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me," Luke mumbles. "A blowjob? Seriously?"

Your mind goes blank. What?

"If you wanna win we have to up our game baby," Luke mumbles.

You had faith in yourself. You weren't a professional driver for nothing. You can handle distractions. Even if they come from hot men.

"Okay," you nod curtly, giving consent.

Luke kisses your neck and whispers into your ear.

"If you can do some acting, it'll look like our distraction is much much more effective."

Acting on top of driving? They should hire you for the next Fast and Furious movie.

You kiss him back in way of answer, never taking your eyes off the road.

The Acura and your car are neck to neck, could be anyone's race at this point.

The faint buzz of the vibrator fills the car Luke edges it towards you, slowly bringing it your thigh. The pace at which he was going was slower than a snail, and had it been any other time you would've taken things into your hands and shoved the damn thing inside of you. But tonight was all about distraction. All about the show. If the people wanted a show, they were gonna get it.

"You have full access to my body Luke," you tell him. "Do whatever's necessary."

"This is going to be fun," he licks his lips, and takes your panties to the side, making way for the vibrator.

The second it hits you, you almost drive into a pole. Fuck. It had been a few days, and you were feeling a little sensitive. The fact that your old fuckbuddy was here made things even worse.

You were on the drift tower now, nearing the end of the course. It was a straight grind up- something you could do in your sleep by now. But you couldn't underestimate Pierre. There was also the fact that Luke was getting kinda handsy now.

"I can go down on you," he switches the vibrator off, but keeps pistoning it between your legs. A familiar pressure slowly builds inside you. "The crowd would like that-"

Your thighs clench involuntarily. "Fuck, Pierre, yes whatever you say I'll -" you babble incomprehensibly.

"Just like that baby," Luke coaxes moan after moan from you, with the vibrator turned on to the highest setting. His fingers brush over your clit, sending you into a hot wet convulsing mess.

"Merde! Je ne peux pas, I fucking can't Pierre, I-"

Your release hits you hard and fast but the assault on your senses doesn't stop there.

"Do you have something you want to get off your chest?" Luke smiles, knowingly.

"For fuck's sake you have to- What? No?" You deny. You realized your mistake. You were royally screwed. You start panicking.

Thankfully, you reach the top of the tower without a scratch, and stop your car in front of the Buzzer. Whoever hits it first, wins. That was the rule.

"You didn't say my name out there," Luke teases. "Are you sure you're good?"

Pierre and his boytoy follow you, not that far behind. It could've been anyone's race. But it was yours.

Kiyo hands you a bottle of champagne, and places a crown on your head.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, your new Drift King!" She announces your name and helps you on the top step of the podium.

When Pierre climbs to take number two, your eyes meet, and for the briefest moment, you sense anger in him. But his expression quickly goes neutral and he smiles at you calmly. The calm before a storm, you think.

The champagne bottle is big, and when you finish spraying it on Luke and dumping more than half of it on Kiyo, you put the drink to your lips, savoring its bubbly flavor. It'd been a long night, and you sat on the side of the track, quite a bit away from the celebrations on the start line.

"Hard to forget the taste of victory, no?" Pierre's smooth voice comes up behind you.

"Why do you think I'd forget?" You put a hand on your hips, eyeing him accusingly.

"Considering you had to settle for the consolation prize," he shrugs, stealing a swig from your bottle.

"Consolation?"

"In the car. I could tell you were thinking of someone else."

"Of course," you snarl. "You had time to check me out while racing against me."

"Not my fault you make it so obvious."

"You know what? Fuck you Pierre."

"Three years and you're still not over me?"

You pause, thinking your words through. "I'd think you're the one not over me."

He pulls you closer to him, until his lips brush your ears. "Never. Do you know how I felt? Watching someone else pleasure you like I did?'

You look at his jaw, dripping with champagne. "Big words from someone who never wanted commitment."

"I-" he looks down. "Was afraid. I'm not anymore."

He closes his eyes and leans in. Even though you know you shouldn't, you can't stop yourself. He pulls you like a magnet, and your lips crash into his.

He tastes like champagne. Like victory. A reward, all dolled up for you in that white racing suit. Your hands roam around his sides, inching downwards. He leans into your touch, pushing into you. His knee forces itself between your thighs and the friction between your legs makes you moan.

"I knew you'd like that," he whispers in your ear. His kisses on your neck seem desperate, like he's trying to prove a point. It feels incredible, and then there's the slight twinge of pain.

"What was that?" You ask him, unsure what he was trying to play at.

"Well, you're mine. Only mine. I guess that should make it obvious."

You were beyond angry. He deserves to be taught a lesson, you think. So you smile and play along; softly kissing his cheek and then licking a stripe straight down- down his neck, his collarbones, his chest, his deliciously sculpted abs, the vee of pelvis - and then you stop.

You take his dick into your hands and story pumping. Even after all these years, you know exactly how he likes it. While he's distracted, you put the next part of your plan into motion.

You start kissing his thighs, softly, slowly increasing pressure. Then, you suck so hard you're sure it'll leave a mark. Pierre was way too gone to even notice what you were doing to him. Until it was too late.

"Seriously?" He sighs, mid-pant.

"An eye for an eye, no?" You look at him innocently, doe eyes and all. "A little gift for your boy-toy."

"Fuck this." He grabs you up, like you weigh nothing. "How about we continue this in my hotel room?"

"You're paying for my ride back," you cross your arms, but don't say no.

"Pay for your ride?" He kisses you, soft and gentle, and for a minute, you're reminded of what it meant to you, all those years ago. "I'll drive you back myself."

#pg #f1tasy #anon #f1 smut #f1tasies #asks #pierre gasly smut #pierre gasly fanfiction #one shot

[midnightbrushandquill]

Linear Alternator: Prologue - Voicemails

Chapter Summary:  Five voicemails Elesa receives, and one she doesn't

Tags: non-graphic injury, PLA protagonist is not DPPt protagonist, Gaslighting, its not done on purpose (except maybe volo) but it does happen, Tags to be updated as we go

Summary: When Ingo disappeared, Emmet lost his spark. Elesa was doing her best, but it wasn't enough. Even as close as they were, she wasn't his brother, and Emmet needed his brother. So she was going to get him back, no matter what. 

With the rift closed, Rei really thought things were starting to get better. He hadn't seen Ingo for three weeks now, which shouldn't have been abnormal, given the circumstances, but then, normal circumstances didn't include everyone seemingly having forgotten his existence, did they? And if Ingo had never existed in Hisui, then who is the real warden of Sneasler, and how come Rei is the only one who cant remember her?

Next

On AO3

Prologue for a multi-chapter fic I’ve been working on that I’m calling the Volt Switch AU.  I’ve got the first proper chapter already done, so it should be up later.

Hi, you’ve reached Elesa! I can’t pick up right now, so leave a message!

*Beep*

Hi bestie! It’s Skyla! I got your text that your flight made it safely! You’re probably still sleeping off the jetlag, but I hope you enjoy your time in Sinnoh! It’s been so long since you took a proper vacation like this. I want you to focus on having fun, so don’t worry too much about calling me lots, but text me! And I want to see tons of pictures when you get back! Ok, bye! Have fun!

I…. really Elesa. You deserve a proper break after everything. Take care of yourself, okay?

                                                         ⭒─⭑─⭒

Hi, Elesa? This is Roark. The Oreburgh gym leader? Sorry I missed your call earlier, the signal in the Underground isn’t great. ha. I- uh. You said in your message you were interested in the kind of stuff people dig up down there? I have to say, it’s not a conversation I was expecting to have with someone of your reputation, but if you’re able to stop by the gym while you’re in town, I’d be more than happy to have it! Most of my interest lies in the fossils, but, uh, hey, I’ll send you my grandfather’s address in Eterna City. If you really want to dig down on it, he knows anything you could want to know about those tunnels!

Anyways, let me know!

                                                        ⭒─⭑─⭒

Hello, this is Lenora calling. Apologies if it's late where you are. I got your email about the potential artefacts you found in Sinnoh’s underground? I’ll follow up in writing, but I have particular interest in those plates. Similar artefacts have been found in Kalos and Alola, as well as here, in the Abyssal Ruins. May I forward your pictures to Cynthia? You didn’t include her originally; I know she has been very busy, but we have discussed potential theories on these plates before, as well as their connection in some stories to the Celestica Flutes of the original clans. She will be interested, I think, in this discovery. She is a leading expert in the history of Sinnoh after all. I hope your trip has been wonderful so far.

                                                       ⭒─⭑─⭒

Hi Miss Elesa. My name is Lucas. I work with Professor Rowan. You don’t know me but…. I. I overheard your conversation with Cynthia, and… I think- no, I know what you’re looking for.  I want to help. Cynthia, my friends, the Professor, they… they wouldn’t get it, OK, but I do. I know- I.

I know exactly what it’s like to lose someone without closure, and to feel like you’d do anything to find them, or even just for answers. I- I’ve- I want to help.

Cynthia may be the mythology expert, but I have family history here, and I promise. I know more than you’d think. Please, call me back.

                                                       ⭒─⭑─⭒

Elesa? Elesa pick up, please. I thought you were on vacation, not- I am worried about you. Verrrry worried. Please. I did not understand your last message. It sounded like- Elesa. You are not doing something foolish? Do not do anything foolish.  Please. Answer my calls Elesa. I didn’t- If I- Elesa, I don’t want to lose you. I cannot lose you too. Elesa, talk to me.

I am Emmet, and I am verrrry sorry. Please call.

*Click*

                                             ⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝

Thank you for calling the Nimbasa Gym. The person at this extension is not available. Please leave a short message after the tone. To leave a callback number, please press 1 now.

*Beep*

Hey boss, it's Ampère. You uh, are really never going to update from the default voicemail message huh? You’ve only been the gym leader for how long now? Anyways, I was just calling to update, since I know you’re checking your work phone, even if you’re supposed to be on vacay: my ratio of gym losses is only slightly worse than yours. If you don’t hurry up and come back, I’m going to surpass you!

I’m joking of course. Enjoy your vacation Ingo. Do not call me back before it’s over.

*Click*

#pokemon #pla #pokemon legends arceus #elesa #ingo #submas #writing #fanfic #blankshippers dni #midnightquill #volt switch au

[scnteria]

( alex wolff, cis male, he/him, muse b ) oh snap! is that THEODORE “TEDDY” WELLS ? they work over at high volume where some of the other employees have labeled them as THE MISCREANT. that’s probably because they can be a bit ( affable ) but also pretty ( misguided ). they’re 22 and they’ve been living in woodstock for FOUR YEARS. it must be their shift because i totally hear RADIOHEAD blasting from the record store. 

( @volumeupdates )

hi everyone !! phew i’m so hype to be here... hello... you can call me wren ! i’m in the est timezone and use she/her pronouns. a lil bit about me: i love making playlists and my silly little lattes every morning, i have two puppies at home that i love more than anything, and i’m currently watching ted lasso and falling in l*ve with jason sudeikis and no i do not think i named teddy after ted lasso but it might’ve been an unconscious thing idk

anyway, i’m going to try not to ramble too much about my boi teddy but you’ve been warned:

sweet boy theodore ! he mostly goes by teddy. i don’t think he minds being called theodore but he DOES hate the nickname ted. sorry to mr. sudeikis

he was born and raised in chicago but his father is from woodstock. he has some distant family here but growing up, it was teddy, his mom, dad, and older brother mccartney ( mick !! )

( alcoholism, hoarding disorder tw ) teddy’s older brother was like a refuge for him in a household that was pretty tough to live in. his mother is an extreme hoarder so teddy felt pretty trapped in his own home. on top of that, his father is a functioning alcoholic who had a tendency to pick fights when really wasted. ( end tw )

teddy shared a room with mick, so that was like their little escape from it all ! but mick left for college because he’s a Smart, Good Boy when teddy was fifteen ! so he took it super hard to be living alone in this environment

( depression tw ) naturally, at that age ( and with evident mental health issues running in the family ), teddy started to show signs of depression. in an attempt to alleviate that, his fam fulfilled a lifelong dream and adopted a lil border collie pup ! ( end tw )

he realized his home wasn’t suitable for him, his mental health, or his dog winnie. he saved up money by working odd jobs throughout high school and on his eighteenth birthday, he and his pup moved to woodstock.

his dog winnie is named after his celebrity crush, winona ryder ! he absolutely carries a polaroid photo of her in his wallet because truly that is his child and god bless you if you even mention dogs around him

he got the job at high volume four years ago so he’s been around for a bit ! jerry was actually really good friends with teddy’s father, so he’s known jerry pretty much his entire life. 

( drug use and alcoholism tw ) teddy has a chronic intestinal disease that basically attacks his immune system and can be preeeetty painful ! it’s manageable ofc and although teddy would say: “kurt cobain had it too so it’s fine,” it still Sucks to deal with. he is on medication for it, though another prescription works wonders for pain too...... and that ‘prescription’ is just Weed. he smokes a lot lol and also likes to drink, both as a source of self-medication and just because ! ( end tw )

( violence and ptsd tw ) oh haha also he saw jerry get shot in an alley but i imagine he is currently going through the many phases of ptsd at this moment. very much trying to keep it together but in reality, he’s a ball of pure anxiety and could crack at any given moment. definitely going through some bouts of denial and doubt ? jerry is not only his boss but he’s a family friend and someone he kind of looked up to, so it’s safe to say he’s not Doing Well ( end tw )

ok now more about his CHARACTER:

teddy is a sweetheart. he’s got golden retriever tendencies, i’d say ! verrrry sociable, loves to be around people.

he’s pretty independent and self-sufficient for someone who makes dumb decisions and doesn’t vibe with being alone  ! he has learned to look out for himself but at the same time, he’s one of those people that make you wonder how he got this far ??

overall, a pretty great friend to have. he’s a man of his word and basically likes to make people around him feel comfortable and happy ! 

kinda charming, an accidental flirt at times. like i don’t think he realizes when he’s flirting ? he’s a little oblivious and definitely does better with people who are direct with him. like if you’re dropping hints that you like him or need him to do something, he won’t pick up on it at all lol the boy is stuck in his own little world that has karma police playing on a constant loop

walking into a shift with him means you��ll either be: entertained, annoyed, distracted, or high lol

( drugs tw ) like he has shown up to work high before and probably has smoked outside during a slow shift i’m SORRY ( end tw )

messy, messy boy makes questionable decisions because he doesn’t quite think them through. he’s SO responsible with his dog, but himself ? a hot mess

perhaps he’s not ... wise when it comes to money... i’ll leave it at that for now :)

perpetually running late and rambles a good amount

weak-willed and self-destructive ! he’s easily swayed to do pretty much anything bc he’s kind of a happy-go-lucky kind of dude. pretty much does Not say no to plans and maybe he pushes his alcohol tolerance from time to time

CONNECTION ideas !!

he moved to woodstock four years ago and i wanna say he lives alone but tbh a roommate would be Cost Effective ( must like dogs tho )

that being said, if your character happened to grow up in chicago let’s do some childhood connections ! maybe an old friend, previous unrequited crush, etc.

pls give me a favorite coworker that just doesn’t get anything done when they’re working together

he absolutely will get on people’s nerves. he gets on MY nerves. so give me enemies of any sort lol

i don’t think he’s much of a relationship guy. i could see one longterm relationship in his past so an ex is a possibility ! 

a previous one-night stand is pretty accurate for him too, but i don’t see him thinking it’s weird or anything. i see him being pretty casual with hook-ups in general, so... do with that as you will

friends ! teddy is a talker and really likes to get to know people, so i can see him having friends of varying levels lol whether you’ve spoken twice but he’s like That’s My Guy ! or you regularly see him walking his dog or you just vibe at work... truly this man will talk to a wall. the possibilities are endless

a BEST friend ! i would very much like someone that teddy spews mostly everything to. he will indeed lay his life on the line for this person lol

party-goers, fellow druggies ! this is a scene teddy OFTEN dabbles in, whether you indulge yourself or provide. >:)

could definitely see him on the receiving end of a mom/dad/parent friend kind of relationship. like that john mulaney quote GET SOME REST, TALL CHILD

okay i seriously need to stop this got so long please end me anyway hit me up here or on discord for all of the plots. i really like to get into the nitty gritty of plots so if that’s your jam, let’s make some toast, baby ! i’m SO excited to get things going !

#volumeintro #i added a few tws within this ok

[annetteblog]

Intro & My take on KM

Hi!

I’m new around here so it’s supposed to be (not so short) introduction, since I don’t know how to start a blog heh. I hope to sprinkle my 0.5 cents into the KM conversation and maybe to bring a new perspective from someone, who is not a part of the typical English-speaking West.

Who /the hell/ Am I?  

(please, consider it to be said with NJ’s voice from Intro: Persona :D)

I was born in Siberia (it’s in the Asian part of Russia), currently live in the European part of the country while studying at a Uni (European in terms of geography, not in terms of everything else i’m definitely not shading rn lolllll). English is not my first language, I’ve just kind of learnt it to some extent. Due to this it takes me more time to write a post; and I may (and will) make some grammatical & other mistakes. Plus I’m lazy AND busy with Uni, so I won’t even promise to be consistent in posting smth lol. But I thought I need more practice in terms of writing in English, so here I am, actually scribbling something. This feels weird, because I’ve been around stan Tumblr since 2015, but never ever interacted, just read.

How I ended up around Jikook/Kookmin (and BTS) & My (long&messy) take on this matter

Although I had heard of BTS before, I became an Army only in October 2018. I had kinda avoided them, because you know... boybands.... sing songs about romantic love and how they love girls.......... (+I had been around Twitter when 1D been at their peak and I remember a quite toxic community of fans, whom always had scared me). Shortly, hello stereotypes. Obviously, after I got engaged I felt terribly sorry that I had been sleeping on them, but what is done cannot be undone. 

Someone I knew back then reposted one of their MVs and I, during my sad hours of procrastination, decided to watch it. Then I saw their live performance with the same song. And I thought “wow these guys can sing and dance and the music is kinda cool, i need to check this out maybe??” 

Then a funny thing happened. One of the next videos I watched (the same person had it added to their page) was a 2016 BangtanBomb where JM and JK practiced their Coming of Age dance. 

Do you know this moment with Gina from the 1st episode of Brooklyn 9-9:

Well, that was precisely me after I watched it. I don’t even know how to explain this, it was kind of a gut feeling? Whatever you call it, I started to get suspicious and couldn’t even explain to myself why. /actually now a do have questions to this vid and the main one - why does everyone cringe that much? if it’s a girly choreo than they had done some “girly” moves before. why is there such strong reaction??/

I started to get deeper and went to some ru-shipper communities. Shipping culture among Russian speaking fans is... well, weird to some extent, but I maybe address this topic some time later. You need to consider that (as far as you probably know) Russia is quite homophonic country and sadly is not the greatest place for LGBTQ+ community at the moment. The non-frienly influential attitudes hanging in the society + the general shippers’ weirdness = the result is not that nice honestly. 

I struggled for some time in order to find more mature people (not just in terms of age but in general sanity), failed, ended up with some EXTREMELY toxic ru-fans of TK, which was/is the most popular pairing here, spent among them like 15 minutes and ran away horrified. After that I didn’t even try to engage with shippers or believers or whatever of any pair and just decided to enjoy the music and the content (which is a great idea, highly recommend!)

After a couple of days I discovered that JK makes videos. I love video, films and visual art so I immediately found them on YT, saw the titles with names of different cities from all over the world and was like “Oh that must be so cool, he’s visited so many outstanding places I’ve never been to, so I really need to watch it! I shall enjoy some beautyyy”. Then I clicked on GCFt.

Well, what can I say. I did enjoy some beauty, but not the type I had initially anticipated. The biggest clickbait in my entire life. JK should be proud of himself.

                                       /as I said - the beauty/

I had already known Troy back then and I known the song’s lyrics so it would not be an underestimation to say - the video just blew my mind. I was like - hold on is this real? seriously?? no really really????? he manage to get away with something THAT obvious?????? dude how

As a person who edited videos AND is not a native English speaker, I don’t buy the explanation “oh he mustve didnt get the lyrics lmao”. You just don’t do that. You don’t. DON’T. You google and translate every shit you don’t understand, every word and idiom you’ve never encountered, because otherwise the possibility of an epic failure is very likely. You wouldn’t want to give your mum a video as a birthday present and then discover that you used a song with WAP-ish lyrics, right? (well maybe that would be okay in your family, I don’t judge, but that’s not the case for people I know). So don’t you dare to degrade JK’s intellectual capacities; such assumption is really offensive. He is a smart boii, he knows exactly what he’s doing in terms of his art.

So I was shocked, but decided to look for the context - maybe I missed some previous events regarding this Tokyo thing (another great idea - always check the context). Well, apparently I didn’t, because the whole narrative with the trip for two, lovely selfies etc. made my poor brain lowkey explode. (I still don’t buy the rings theory thing though)

But I didn’t give up lol! I’m a bit stubborn and it’s very hard to convince me in anything, so I decided to search for more context, more of their interactions, moreeee. Remember, the late October 2018, there were no swan lakes, RB, and even MMA18 hadn’t happened yet. 

This time I ended up watching content in more or less consistent way, and when I saw all of these scenes with affectionate JM and a cool badass i-don’t-care-about-anyone-i’m-a-manly-man-with-no-feelings-whatsoever JK, I just hysterically laughed. 

Homophobic Russia, remember? I recognized this. Growing up here being LGBT myself, taught me the same type behaviour during my high school days. When a girl I kinda liked but didn’t what to admit it to myself was nice to me or (oh god) flirted with me, I did something similar. It’s like a huge panic mode. Being an introvert doesn’t help either. The funniest thing is that you may not entirely realise what exactly is going on in terms of your own feelings, especially at that age (16-18ish). In my personal case, I thought I liked her but as a friend, only later to realise that well not as a friend oops :DDD The second thing (already not so funny) is that you actually consciously or unconsciously try to avoid the subject as much as possible, as long as possible and pretend that nothing is going on. We’re just bros. Stop doing this stupid gayish thing and don’t look at me like that, you’re annoying. If you ever do this again I (gently) kick you. I’m straighter than a straight line in my math textbook. IDK, but probably that’s your brain is somehow trying to protect you. Again, in my case&position I knew that the consequences for any non-straight person being outed would be bad (TW not to the point of being killed bad, but to the point of being excluded from a big part of society). So for me it was a mixture of the internalized homophobia + lack of self reflection + just being a bit emotionally slow + very! straight community around. Shit happens, I was a teenager and made my share of mistakes, but that experience helps me to recognize the same pattern of behaviour up to this day.   

So coming back to KM, because the post is already waaay too long and I just ramble. It’s been 2+ years for me being a part of this fandom, and what can I say... Things become more intense and eventful with every year passing by ;) Funny how I felt that vibe from the 2016 dance practice video. Seeing the Black Swan performance a week ago almost had me choked, no joking. They are amazing.

                                                    Pure Art

However, and I would like to emphasize that, I do not incline that KM are 100% romantically involved and/or gay or whatever. I tend to treat people with respect and not to make too much assumptions about their private life. That’s not my business. However, I’m also not a fan of heteronormativity, so I’m just sitting here and observe everything that’s going on putting some distance and not forgetting being generally polite and critical thinking. But if they are just straightest besties please give them an Oscar before Grammy

Anyways, I hope this blog won’t kick the bucket from the very start and I will post something every now and then. You can always ask me questions about some BTS/Jikook related stuff or something about Russia and a Russian view on mass culture topics, since I’m pretty sure some of you have very stereotypical view of what is going on here :) However, do note that I’ve never been to America or Europe, therefore I may not be aware of something verrrry obvious to you or just have a completely different experience. 

P.S.  And yeah, I’m used to say Jikook, since it’s the name which is used much more frequently in Russian.  i like it better and what will u do haha

#jikook #kookmin #what am i even doing here #i'm gonna regret this #long post

[beckmessering]

Met Streams Tag Game Days 2-7

@opera-my-beloved sorrysorrysorry this is late af but i didn’t forget! this girl just got an undergrad research fellowship and has been pulling the summer vacation equivalent of all-nighters :’)

also, i didn’t answer all questions because i didn’t have answers for all of them…so i answered the ones i could. i tried to keep it met-stream specific, but if i included all streams i watched, some answers would’ve been different (and i would’ve answered more questions).

day 2

are there any operas that you'd listened to but never seen on stage before?

nah, i’m a very visual person - i need to see some production first so i have a visual reference for what’s going on, and then i can listen to it

what’s an opera you’d love to see performed in-person?

die walküre! and salome.

day 3

are there any operas you associate with a particular period in your life?

not a met stream, but i strongly associate the vienna ring with march 2020. it was a comfort when i had to essentially flee my uni city and started watching it at the airport before my flight.

do you know the next opera you want to discover?

so many! werther, eugene onegin, faust, lots of verdi (starting with un ballo in maschera maybe…)

are there any operas you’d write fanfiction for (or wish you had more fics)?

haven’t written fanfics (yet?) and i haven’t tried reading any for operas yet…but i should try, honestly

what is your comfort opera?

das rheingold. i know the libretto and the music by heart by now.

day 4

what’s an opera that became an unexpected favourite?

die walküre. i’ve told the story of how i didn’t like it first and loved it on the second try, and i’m so glad it became a favourite.

any operas you can’t get into no matter how hard you tried?

hm. i like holländer spot-wise (mainly when the title character is singing) but i don’t like much else of it.

what’s an opera/production you’d like to get teleported into?

hmmmm. die meistersinger seems to take place in a pleasant town (unless you’re beckmesser).

day 5

which opera was most visually pleasing to you?

girard’s parsifal for sure.

opera character you relate to?

beckmesser. i liked him before, but this research fellowship has thus far given me the absolute beckmesser energy because in the beginning i was scared to do something wrong, wanted to fit in, and wanted to please the higher-ups. (now it’s going well btw and i’m having fun!)

day 6

any favourite weird/funny lyrics?

“weia, waga, woge du welle!” need i say more? if the melody weren’t so good, i’d laugh.

(also, parsifal has a surprising amount of unintentional funny lyrics. like kundry telling amfortas to buzz off and go bathe, or saying that she never helps).

any met interview moments that live rent-free in your head?

the meistersinger interview with johannes martin kränzle (beckmesser) and martin gantner (kothner). here are two germans, conveniently both named martin, struggling through two minutes of interview with verrrry choppy english but visibly excited as fuck to be there and utterly BEAMING.

(it’s also shortly before jmk got really sick and he once said that he already started feeling physically weird at that time in New York. which is unnerving and sad to think of).

opera productions i could positively (or negatively) rant about for an hour?

…lemme make a separate post about that. (if anyone wants).

any productions you wish had been filmed but are only available in audio format?

i will NEVER EVER forgive them for not filming the 2018 parsifal revival >:(

day 7

a singer that pleasantly surprised you in a role?

not a met stream again, but tomasz konieczny’s wotan. i thought his voice was too dark and snarly. wow i was wrong.

opera characters that are meant for each other and you won’t hear otherwise?

siegmund and sieglinde. sorry not sorry at all.

opera you think is a complete masterpiece from first to last note?

ahem. too many ones i’ve mentioned already. *cough* rheingold, walküre, parsifal *cough*

a unique acting choice you can’t stop thinking about?

peter mattei not walking as amfortas in parsifal. he drags and carries himself as though his legs can’t bear any weight at all and it just…demonstrates pain and suffering better than anything else i’ve ever seen. god, that looks awful. in the best way.

any costume(s) you’d want to have?

YES! always wanted to dress in a relatively traditional wotan costume (like…spears and eyepatch and long coats…come on!!!) (fuck the gender of the role, obviously) and i actually fulfilled my dreams last halloween :)

#opera ask #opera tag #tag game #thanks for the ask

[lupins-sweater]

I’m Sorry

(Percy Weasley x Reader)

Summary: Percy wants to have a second chance after the war. Do you?

Warnings: verrrry angsty, first time writing angst, so it kinda sucks

I’m going to try something a little different and do some angst

You weren’t quite sure when he changed, but one day you looked up, and he was a completely different person. Sure he could be a little intense. But he wasn’t a prick. Once he finished prefect duty, he would bring you treats from the kitchen and a kiss goodnight. Sometimes you could even talk the avid rule follower to bend some rules because he wanted to make you happy. As simple as that. If you were caught out past curfew or skipping a class, Percy would let it slide (although you would get the “I love you, but there’s going to be a time when I can’t cover for you.”

You enjoyed gifting him the fanciest quills and the biggest pumpkin pasties every time he accomplished something. You were so proud of him; calling Percy Weasley your boyfriend gave you joy. Under that hard exterior was someone who was very loving and gentle. Or at least you thought.

After you had graduated Hogwarts, you and Percy moved into a small flat in Diagon Alley. Even though it was rather small, it was home to you. You quickly decorated the shared abode with squishy arm chairs and a couch. The flat was fairly clean and a wonderful home to transition from school.

Percy proposed not too long after the announcement of receiving the position at the Ministry. He claimed the money would help significantly with the wedding cost and maybe with starting a family. But you both weren’t expecting to bring children into your life for another couple of years; you agreed you were too young, and you wanted to focus on your careers first. You were training to become a healer, and Percy wanted a stable job that wasn’t an assistant.

At first you thought he was just tired or stressed from working with Crouch. I mean who wouldn’t, right? He would come home and not be in the mood to talk. Even on his days off, he was working on assignments and didn’t want to be disturbed. It was like he didn’t have time for cuddle night anymore. You hoped this was just a rough spot in your relationship; every couple goes through them. But as the bad days turned into bad weeks and into bad months, you grew out of sync with your partner. Every time you tried to discuss his sudden change of behavior, it was always, “ Not now, Y/N. I’m busy,” or “Maybe tomorrow.”

You turned to his family for guidance after a month and a half of being ignored. The twins said it was just normal Percy behavior. He probably was upset about cauldron thickness again. But Molly and Arthur could tell something was wrong. You briefly explained the situation, and they knew just as much as you did. Percy apparated to his childhood home after he noticed you weren’t at the flat, a scowl on his face. Anger brewed at the surface.

So here you were. At the burrow watching the fight between you fiancé and his father unfold. You stood behind the doorframe leading into the living room.

“Percy, what’s going on? Y/N came over here and told us you’ve been distant,” Arthur inquired, concerned for his son’s future marriage.

“Our relationship is none of your business!” Percy shouted.

Molly rushed into the room furious. “Don’t talk to your father like that! He’s trying to help you!”

“Well it doesn’t help he’s not the best role model.”

You entered the room with watery eyes. “Percy, please stop. I just want to know what’s bothering you.”

He looks at you and struggles to find the right words. “You know what’s wrong? The fact that I have to deal with a lousy reputation at the Ministry because my father’s strange obsession with muggles! I’m being poked fun at all the time! I’m told I’m just going to end up like you,” he pointed to Arthur. “A person with little to no ambition. You want to stay in your low paying job dealing with muggles. That’s the reason why we’re so poor! Don’t you feel feel awful that your children can’t afford robes for school?” Percy’s voice crescendoed into a scream. His words could be heard throughout the house.

You and your future parent in-laws stood there in shock. This wasn’t like Percy at all.

“How long? How long have you been feeling like this?” you asked barely above a whisper.

“I’ve been made fun of because I’m a Weasley in school, but I thought I would prove myself once I got out. But once I started working at the Ministry, I was met with the same comments I heard before I graduated. I don’t want my future family to have the same experience.”

“I- I’m sorry my job has affected you like that,” Arthur apologized, “I had no idea.”

Molly put a hand on her husband’s arm. “Percival Ignatius Weasley. You do NOT talk to your father that way. He has been working hard your entire life and longer to provide for this family! And he’s doing what he loves despite all the jeers he gets from his coworkers. I would say he’s ambitious.”

“It’s not just that, Mum. Crouch and others high up have been telling me Dumbledore is making up You-Know-Who is back to make the Ministry look bad. And you’ve been helping him spread this rumor! They’re starting to question my loyalty!” Percy was upset again.

“But they should listen to Dumbledore. Harry is warning us, and if we don’t do anything now, it will be too late. We can’t wait for the Ministry to sound the alarm after the death eaters start terrorizing again,” his father defended himself.

“We can’t ‘sound the alarms’ just because he believes every word Potter says! His claim is rubbish. There’s no evidence!”

“Why would they not believe Harry? He can hear Voldemort talking to him; he has visions, Perce,” you interjected.

He stormed over to you and grabbed your hand. Before he apparated you back to the flat, he turned to his parents and his face softened. “Please stop associating with Dumbledore. I can’t be around people who are against the Ministry.”

“You know we can’t do that,” Arthur said in an apologetic tone. He crosses his arms and shook his head.

“Fine.”

You made it home, Percy still holding your hand. The floorboards were more interesting than your teary eyes. You finally cleared your throat and tried to find a place to start. “I think...you were a little harsh on your father.” you said choosing your words carefully.

“But he’s put me through so much. I can’t take the way people judge me based on my father’s choices.”

“Perce, he hasn’t done anything wrong. It’s just the way people view muggles. They’re obsessed with how pure their blood is, and condemn Arthur for being passionate about non magical people just because he’s “pure blood.””

“But he could have chosen any other job! He could have been in a higher office, but he chose this!”

“I mean this in the beat way possible, so you can hopefully change your mindset. You’re being disgusting and selfish. It’s not like you to be concerned with someone’s blood status,” you put your hands on his arms and shook him lightly.

He scoffed and tore himself from your grasp. “Disgusting? Selfish? In the best way possible? If I didn’t know any better, I’d assume you’ve been spending too much time with my parents. Oh. And why did you go to them and talk about our relationship?”

You flinched at the harshness in his voice. “I’m sorry. I should have used better words, but I hate thinking you dislike your father because some of your coworkers think they’re better than them. And I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told your parents about our problems, but I didn’t know who else to go to?”

Percy took off into the bedroom and paced in front of the bed. “Maybe your fiancé?”

You threw your arms up in frustration. “Percy, I tried! Every time I wanted to talk about what’s bothering you, you always brushed me off. If you won’t talk about it, who will?”

“Do you really believe in what Dumbledore is saying? About You-Know-Who?” He asks, changing the subject.

“Of course. Why would he try to make the Ministry look bad?”

Percy pulled a trunk out from the closet and started to fill it with clothes. “Percy! Wh-what are doing?”

“I can’t let anyone know my fiancée supports Dumbledore. I think we need a break.”

A sob escaped your lips as you realised he was leaving you. “Please. Can I do anything to make you stay? I don’t want you to leave,” you begged.

He locked the trunk and walked toward the door. Percy stopped in front of you with a pained look on his face. His voice sounded like he was trying not to cry, “Come find me when you’ve stopped being around Dumbledore’s supporters. They’re bad influences.” And he left.

——

You couldn’t afford the rent of the small flat, so you sent a letter to the Weasleys asking for a place to stay. They kindly let you take Percy’s old room where you spent most of your nights crying. Wondering why your fiancé left you. Wasn’t he the guy all those years ago who helped carry your books to class? Didn’t he get down on one knee and promise he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you? It didn’t make sense why he would sever his ties with his family.

Molly tried to go talk some sense into him and tell him you missed him, but he shut the door as soon as she opened her mouth to speak. Not long after that his Christmas sweaters arrived by owl without a letter explaining why he sent them back.

Everyone was upset by his actions. You constantly had to reassure his parents it wasn’t their fault. Arthur’s job isn’t something he should be ashamed of; pure blood families are obsessed with their status, and will bully everyone who doesn’t share the same values and beliefs. Molly didn’t do anything wrong; she was standing up for her husband which she’s done hundreds of times. The red head family also helped you process your break in the relationship. They were always there to distract yourself or give you much needed advice.

The days blurred together as you started to work long shifts at St. Mungo’s as a healer, finally completing your training. A lot happened in the following months: Hogwarts was back in session, Arthur was injured, the war was about to start, and you and Ron received letters from Percy. Nothing good came from the neat scrawl on the fancy parchment. Ron was told to stop hanging out with Harry as “he’s a bad influence,” and your engagement was called off since it’s been months since you’ve talked.

You agreed with him on that point. What’s the use of being engaged to a man that doesn’t want to be associated with your views? You distracted yourself from the pain by preparing for the battle at Hogwarts with The Order. You taught everyone basic healing spells and what to do in certain medical emergencies.

——

The night before the battle you were sitting on your bed, knees pulled into your chest, as you contemplated the danger of what’s to come. You couldn’t sleep, too anxious for tomorrow. Everyone went to their rooms for the night no doubt in the same position you were in. A knock at the window startled you. You whipped your head to see a large owl holding a letter addressed to you in its claws.

You got up from you bed and open the window. You recognised the neat, loopy writing immediately. Percy. You didn’t exactly want to read what was inside; he already said he didn’t want to marry you anymore. What else does he want to tell you?

You reluctantly tore the letter open and began to read.

Y/N,

I am so sorry. You didn’t deserve the way I treated you. I shouldn’t have left you because those at the Ministry wouldn’t approve of your views. It was wrong of me to let my coworkers cloud my views of my family, the love of my life, and my father. Although it’s not an excuse for my behavior, I snapped after hearing people talk poorly of my loved ones constantly at school and work. I can’t believe I let it get the better of me. I plan to talk to my family tomorrow before the war. I want to talk to them before anything happens. I don’t know what I’ll do if I won’t get to fight by their side. Merlin, Y/N, I still love you. I miss you so much, and I know I’ve hurt you. If you’d like, here’s the address to come see me. It’s understandable if you don’t want to.

Sincerely and with love, Percy

You read the letter over and over not quite sure if you were happy or not. He’s said some awful things to you and his family, and you weren’t sure if you were ready to forget that. And he still loved you. Gosh you loved him too, but you didn’t want to become engaged again. You still had a lot to think about.

You decided you were going to see him after all. Who knows, this could be your last night alive. You wrote a quick note to the Weasleys explaining where you were going and left the letter there for them to read.

——

The flat in London was fairly nice. It no doubt cost a pretty galleon. You walked up the steps to the brass knocker on the door that read “112 A” and knocked. The door opened less than a minute later, and a shocked red head stood before you.

“Y/N. You actually showed up,” he breathed and motioned for you to enter the flat. 

You stepped through the doorway to find a well lit apartment; beautiful yet simple furniture was placed throughout the room. 

“Looks nice in here,” you complimented, not sure where to start.  

“Thanks. It’s not the homely as our home on Diagon Alley.” He cleared his throat. “I heard you’re living with the rest of my family. At the Burrow I mean.”

“Yeah. I couldn’t keep up with the rent.”

Percy looked at you with a look that showed he felt awful for letting that happen. 

“I understand why you felt like you had to prove you were loyal to the Ministry, but cutting off your family? Calling off your engagement?! Percy I loved you!” You were now sobbing in front of the man who was your fiance. He really wants to pull you in for a hug, but he knew you were furious. 

“I loved you, too. It was wrong and disgusting of me to disown my family. I still love you. If you don’t want to be with me anymore, that’s fine.”

You wiped your tears and waited until you could speak again without sobbing again. “I want to be with you again, too. But I’m not sure if that’s the best idea, Perce. It’s been months since we’ve spoken. And you said some pretty awful things.”

Percy looked away and tried not to cry. He messed up big time, and there’s nothing he can do to reverse the damage. 

“I know,” he whispered. 

“I’m going to need time to rethink everything.”

He nodded as a response, looking down at his feet. You walked up to him and hugged him tightly. He wrapped his arms around you and buried his face in your hair. 

“Can you please stay the night? I just need someone to hold before tomorrow.”

You nodded a yes as you wished for the same thing. You needed comfort, and this took you back to a time where all you had to worry about was a potions test. Who knew what tomorrow could bring?

#percy weasley x reader #percy weasley x y/n #percy weasley x you #percy weasley

[yamithediaperdork]

A pretty Price (final fantasy 7)

Tifa, second in command of avalanche, stared in disbelief at the man sitting around the table from her. His flashy clothes were well made and stuck out among the rabble in this sector, and the fact he had two bodyguards behind him marked him as someone important. though till he had opened his mouth, Tifa had had no clue who he was. 'Dear god..Don has a son..who..clearly got his looks from his mother.' she thought, admiring the well muscled mass of Vincent the man had said his name way, and the long blond locks. Add in the offer he'd just made and Tifa wasn't half wondering if she'd been hitting the whiskey a little too hard.

"Miss Lockheart? are you alright?" Vincent asked, looking worried. He'd just made his demand in return for information on his bastard of a father though truth be told he wasn't THAT much better himself. Tired of his dad wasting all the possibles for power they had to just run his sleazy little club and be a disgrace, Vincent had big plans for himself, for the gang and for the fund that they gang had, but his biggest problem would be taking out his father without it being clear HE was the one who took him out, least he lose the loyalty of his men. Of course if known rebels and trouble makers avalanche took out dear old daddy well.. Still he had to make the reason he was selling his father out look goodish lest the silly little rebels snuff him out too to prevent him from being like his father. "I just..Let me get this right. you're willing to betray your father, because you say what he does is wrong, and you wanna get out of crime..but you'll only do it if my boyfriend takes you on a date?" Tifa asked. "well, I'll be taking him on a date. while he's dolled up. I know, sooo gray area but nothing will happen between us unless I can wow the socks off of miss cloud. and you'll have the info you need before our date. " Vincent said and smiled. "Deal?" Tifa looked thoughtful for a second and then smirked. "Deal..buttt the date only happens if the info is good." "heh, of course."

It was only after Vincent left and Tifa was congratulating herself for her good deal, and thinking about how awesome it was gonna be to bring down the don one small detail popped into her brain. 'Uh..you know you never asked CLOUD how he feels about this right? and now you're gonna have to tell him you just rented him out as a sissy date.' the nagging little voice in her head said. '...Oh poop.' Tifa gulped and looked up. 'who knows, maybe Cloud will be a flaming sissy who's just looking for a chance to break out of the closet and he'll thank me!' 'Yeah, and then you'll go to naruina and slay the jabberwoky.' the nagging voice shot back. "if your not gonna help shut up!' Tifa shot back and then steeled herself to go and talk with Cloud.

Cloud was off being a tragic moody edge lord in the corner, thinking about how bad ass and awesome he was when Tifa came up behind him. "what is it? anther mission?" Cloud asked, not turning around and looking out the window. "Kinddddd offfff. Uh.. Cloud. I need you to do me a solid.." Tifa said, rubbing the back of her head as he turned around. "..you only say that when shits about to hit the fan. what did you do?" Cloud asked. "I only made a verrrry good deal that's going to let us take out the don." Tifa huffed and put her hands on her hips. "what did YOU do today aside from brood?" "..Bold stance when you 'need me to do a solid.' just so you know." Cloud pointed out. ".." Tifa held up a finger to argue with that, but nothing came to mind and she shook her head. "Look Cloud, we pay you A LOT of gil to work for us, and it's time to get some of that investment back. So you're going to do this and that's final!" She huffed and turned to stomp off. "Tifa?" "WHAT!?!" "...You STILL havn't told me what it is you want me to do." Cloud said smirking. "Oh right. that.. youhavetobeasissydateforthedon'ssonbye!" Tifa said in a rush and then took off. "..." Cloud raised a eyebrow, trying to figure out the FUCK she had just said, mulling it over in his head and then it clicked and his cheeks went bright red. "WAIT WHAT!?"

A hour or so of heated arguments between Tifa and cloud, then Cloud and Barret vs. tifa, the tifa and Barret vs cloud and they finally had come to a understanding. 1) Cloud would be going on the date as long as the info was all new. 2) they were going to use the info after cloud got back from his date, to give him a excuse to keep it short and sweet. 3)Tifa and Barret would be getting him drunk, VERY drunk after. those set up, they contracted Vincent and set up for the date, which would be that night and had a outfit sent over with a make up kit. "..The fuck does he expect me to do with this?" Cloud said, looking in at the loaded makeup box totally clueless. "you know 27 different ways to kill someone but not how to do your make up?" Tifa teased. "Somehow that never came up in SOLIDER training."  Cloud said dryly. "Go get a shower and I'll get your outfit ready for you then do your makeup for you little lady." Tifa giggled, grinning ear to ear. "..None of the cheap stuff I mean it. when you get me drunk I was the grade A shit." Cloud grumbled and headed for his bathroom with a stand up shower in it.

with the water running Tifa got busy getting the dress out of the black plastic bag it had been in to protect it and gasped a little. the dress inside was dark purple, down to the thigh and it would hug Cloud's body for sure, and with no sleeve Vincent would be able to show off his 'girlfriend' as much as show off a 'bodyguard' of sorts. The dress came with a low pair of black heels which worked because having cloud topple and fall on his face likely wouldn't of given the best impression. the also came with a pair of pantyhose and a light purple pair of panties, and a base colored padded bra that would give the appearance of b cups. "..hoooo boy. and this was gonna be a fun to begin with." Tifa said, glad cloud had agreed without looking at all the clothes out. hearing the shower coming to a stop, Tifa got ready to dress her boyfriend up and make him a girl.

The next hour and a half was one of the most humiliating of clouds life as he was poked, prodded and helped into his outfit, then had to sit in front of a make up mirror and keep his eyes closed till Tifa was finished with him. 'I swear to go, this is the last solid I do for her. at least this one doesn't involve me in diapers and in a basket pretending to be delivered by the stork..' Cloud thought and shook a little, getting a slap on the shoulder. "Stay still Missy unless you want me to have to start all over again!" Tifa scolded. if his eyes wouldn't of been shut he'd of rolled them but cloud stayed still till Tifa finally gave the ok and he opened up and looked in the mirror. Looking back at him wasn't the whorish image he'd mentally had for how he'd look. it was over the top girly either but well done and took away a edge of masculinity away from him and make his cheeks burn as he squirmed. "uh..Ok..wow." he said in a small voice. "I know right? even I'm shocked at how good you look." Tifa said and then had Cloud stand up, admiring him in his outfit and then his makeup and gave a wolf whistle. "Mothers, lock up your sons!" she said and then slapped cloud on the ass lightly. "Your SO not funny." Cloud growled.

even if they hadn't originally been going with Cloud for the exchange, Tifa and Barret would of walked with the blond sissy though the streets to the meet up point. Cloud was just getting a lot of attention and his confidence was all but gone as he basically hid behind Barret for protection. making it to the cafe Vincent was dressed in a yellow and red suit and wearing shades, that he tilted down as he drank in the site of cloud. "oh my~ Very, very nice." he said and whistled. "T-Thank you." Cloud said, voiice squeaking and horse as he tried to sound more girly. "Your welcome, and you can use your normal tone with me cloud. it doesn't hurt the illsion at all." Vincent said and tugged out a chair next to him and patted it with one hand, slide a folder over to Tifa. "I trust this pays my end of this in full?" Tifa took the folder and opened it, scanning though. floor plans, blueprints, shift rotations..with this her and Barret could of done the assault with just the two of them! "Yeah, this will more then do. thanks." Tifa said and then turned to Cloud. "Cloud, you be a good girl and stay out as late as Vincent wants, we'll be pouring over this all night." with his last shot of a quick night gone, Cloud plastered a fake smile on his face and turned to his date. "S-So.. W-what did you have planned?"

what Vincent had planned first was for them to get some bubble tea and sit and talk about each over for a bit. Following that Vincent took Cloud out for a wonderful seafood dinner. though there was a small issue Cloud betraying his delicate appearance by ripping apart the lobsters with ease with his bare hands and wolfing down the food with unladylike grace. 'Well, I suppose this is a work in progress and I can get him lessons if he wants to keep dating.' Vincent thought watching Cloud wolf down the sea food, his plastic lobster bib working hard to protect the dress he was wearing. "You know, it's not just anyone who can wear a dress worth over 5 thousand gil and not seem to care if they wreak it." Vincent said with amusement. "..It's worth that much?" Cloud asked, pausing then started to hack as food had gotten lodged when he stopped. one quick heimlich maneuver later and they were walking out of the restaurant with Cloud blushing and sheepish, and leaning to Vincent as the night air got colder. "S-Sorry about that." Cloud mewed and snuggled in more. Of course this bothered Vincent sooo much, that he put a arm around the cold sissy and then stopped under a street light. sliding his jacket off he put it over Clouds shoulders and then kissed his cheek before leading the sissy on and making Cloud swoon.

They're next stop even though both were clearly warming up to each other was a Opera in town, though Cloud again was less then restrained and didn't know how to behave. this was made clear when he called horse shit from their box to the stage when the hero on stage sliced a prop monster flann in two with one hit. As they were escorted out Cloud kept making his case and Vincent noted that dating cloud, there was NEVER going to be a dull moment clearly. "Hey watch the arms bucko unless you want anther black eye! I'm telling you, you need magic to defeat those, I know what I'm talking about! even a 2nd grader knows this shit an-" "Cloud sweetie, I think they got the point." Vincent said. "..They better! Next time I come here I expect the play to be up to snuff!" Cloud said and jabbed a finger at the opera's manager then turn away and stomped off. "..She does know I just banned you both right?" The manger asked. "I'd think twice about that..my card." Vincent said and smirked, then raced over cloud.

"...sorry I ruined your show." Cloud said with them again walking in the streets, and Cloud again leaning into the bigger man. "It';s ok, if they can't stand a little excitement from time to time then they shouldn't be in business., I got us unbanned anyways." Vincent said and kissed Cloud's forehead, sending a shiver that had nothing to do with the chill in the air though Cloud. "mmm..How'd you do that?" Cloud asked, closing his eyes and letting this wonderful warm man lead him. "Well I'm the one who helped them open up, Dear old dad didn't see the value but I'm a little more refined then him." Vincent said. "and by help them open up?" Cloud asked, opening his eyes and looking up. "I owe 54 percent of the damn thing. so the manger will call my partner, confirm I'm who I said I am, and expect all sorts of 'I'm sorry' presents in the next box we get..if you wanna go on anther date that is." Vincent said, stopping. they were in front of Tifa's bar with the hours starting to run late and always the gentleman when it came to love, Vince didn't wanna keep his date out too late. "Heh, what if I'm not ready for THIS date to be over?" Cloud asked and winked. "well what does my little lady wanna do then?" Vince asked, taken back but totally not arguing with the boldness. "well..Normally if I was with a girl I'd bring her back here to my room here.. buttt something tells me if I walk in with her regulars here dressed like this you'll have to be my knight in shining armor and kick all their butts when they molest me with their eyes." Cloud giggled playfully and then smooched Vince's cheek. "well of course my fair maiden." He said. "So..got a room somewhere close? because same reason Tifa's is out is why your place is out if you live with your dad." Cloud said. "..I know a motel by here." Vince said cluing in for the first time what the increasingly bold sissy was getting at.

One 15 minute walk later, and five minutes of dealing with the front desk, and Cloud and Vince were in the pent house suite at the hotel, and kissing and groping at each other as soon as the door to the room was shut. "S-Should we *kiss* take a *Kiss kiss* Shower first?" Cloud moaned as Vince switching to lightly biting down and sucking on the sissies neck, giving him a nice big hickey. "Only if you feel dirty." Vince chuckled and started to help cloud out of his dress, the top down and fondling the blonds flat chest.  "mmmm.. what was I thinking giving you fake tits. your nipples are just so cute like this!" Cloud was trying to reply he wanted to get the make up off because he stained the bedding, but the feeling of having his nipples pinched and twirled by this man was melting his brain and making his panties damp. "If./.if you keep doing that I'm gonna squirt." Cloud mewed out, grinding his ass against Vince and feeling just how ok with tat Vince would be as his manhood poked and and prodded between the cheeks of Cloud's bubble butt. "Think you'll still be willing to keep going after you cream princess?" Vincent asked chuckling, preparing a final assault, at least on the nipples, and at least for now. "O-Only one way to find ooooouuuTTTTT! DADDY!" Vince had twisted Clouds nipples just so fucking good and bit down on his neck again, giving him a matching hickey for the other side and clouds hands went for the front of his crotch but far far too late. hands free his cute little member lost the battle and twitched and throbbed as dollops of cum formed first, then full on shot out and though not only his panties but his dress. '..I hope they comes out with dry cleaning.' Cloud thought feeble as he tried to catch his breath. Vince let him go and watched with amusement as Cloud stumbled a little, almost as f drunk and then plopped onto the bed, face down and ass up as he tried to catch his breath and hiking up his dress. a hand going between his legs came back sticky with cum and Cloud mewed softly, looking at Vince who was watching him with interest..then Cloud started to lick his fingers clear. "I-I never knew you could cum just from your nipples.." Cloud purred, between licks and sucks. Vince was enthralled and couldn't look away. "I heard you can finger a guys butt and make him do that too." Cloud said, and Vincent slowly nodded and Cloud waited. and waited. "..Oh for heaven 's sake, get over his and finger my fat sissy ass!" Cloud snapped. Jolted out of his stupor, Vince smirked and nodded. "anything for my little lady." as he came over and started to work a finger in and out of Cloud's tight little ring and slowly moved up, All Vince could think of was how lucky he was to of found out what a good girl Cloud could be. "Oh..Ohhh.. feels sooo good daddy~ finger me harder!" Cloud squealed then pleaded. Oh yeah. so SO glad he gotten first dibs. he was totally gonna be taking this little sissy out at least 3 nights a week if possible. "Whatever you say princess."

the end

[augustraine]

being friends to lovers with kaoru featuring third wheel hikaru:

you officially meeting them walking to an after school activity and kaoru ran into you trying to get away from an angry tamaki with hikaru

hikaru thought it was hilarious

kaoru did not

“I’m so sorry!”

VERRRRY embarrassed

you recognized them from your class because they're loud and obnoxious 🙄😒

they took off when they heard tamaki yell

you could hear hikaru making fun of kaoru while they were running away

when you saw them again hikaru actually saw you first and nudged kaoru like an asshole while haruhi rolled their eyes

poor baby was a lil bit red when he saw you

exchange numbers this time

kaoru texted you when he was done with the club

you guys didn’t stop texting till it was late

y’all really hit it off omg

hikaru was jealous tho

it was funny to him when his brother was embarrassed but now boy wants attention

hikaru starts to like you when he catches you trying to pull a prank in your friend

“need help?”

you and hikaru become best friends like that 👏

sarcastic besties

kaoru surprised but happy his brother finally likes you as much as he does (but hopefully not as much boy is starting to REALLY like you)

you suggest that you go to the host club and they BEG you not to

boys don’t want to see their friends expression when they find out what really goes down in the club

they're also lowkey surprised you HAVENT already been to the club but they're thankful

you say you won’t go but do anyways because you’re evil and very curious why they dont want you there

one word.

TRAUMATIZED

you can’t get the voice of kaoru saying “hikaru!” out of your head 😪💔

they were LIVID

you were also livid

you definently do think it’s hilarious tho

sometimes when your bored you mimic how kaoru says hikaru and they glare at you.

well kaoru definitely glares at you hikaru snorts everytime you do

second time you went there haruhi waved to you and you hung out with her

tamakis ecstatic haruhi had a “girl figure” in her life now and yall find it weird asf

you keep going to the host club to be entertained but not in the way it’s intended

you and haruhi have the one normal conversation yall can in the host club atmosphere and watch tamaki chase the twins before the twins drive you home

some times at the club you and hikaru bad mouth the guests (but mostly tamaki)

“did you see how they did their hair?”

“i would rather die then do that to myself”

you actually learn fashion tips from him when he makes fun of someone

you're actually very thankful hikaru has never said shit about you because SHIT IS THAT BOY AN ASSHOLE LMAO

kyoya tells hikaru to get back to hosting🙄🙄

the day theres finally some devopment with you and kaoru is when the club is low on flowers and makes yall get more from the garden club

kaoru kept seeing you glancing at a certain flower

and being the sweetheart he is when you weren't paying attention he asked if he could have it to give to you 🥺

when he gave you the flower the way your eyes LIT UP

he was very glad he saw your expression jesus he will forever remember it

smiling he asked what your favorite thing about the flower was

you, BEAMING, explained why and got a little embarrassed after you realized you were rambling and ended with you just like beautiful things and you're glad you get to be around them.

kaoru nodded and said that’s how he feels about you

it took a second for both of yall to process what he said

he then starts digging a deeper hole for himself by saying how he didnt mean he just wants to be near you because you're beautiful and how APPARENTLYYYYY you're an amazing person but you dont buy it 🙄🙄 LMAO

MF THEN SAYS HE REALLY FUCKING LIKES YOU AND HE WOULDNT WANT TO BE WITH SOMEONE HE JUST FOUND ATTRACTIVE

THE WAY THIS MAN KEEPS GETTING PALER AND PALER REALIZING WTF HES SAYING LMAOO

you decide to and his misery and put you're flowers down (while rolling you're eyes obviously)

he looks at you thinking he’s dead and also puts down the flowers he’s holding (like holy shit how much does the host club need)

you walk to him and kiss him

kaoru.exe has stopped working

he doesn’t know where to put his hands after the kiss turns into making out

you have to put his hands where you like

when y’all are done boy is a blushing mess

you pull away smiling but obviously seeing the opportunity you ruin the moment by mimicking how he says hikaru cause your the reason why your friends can’t have nice things

he groans

BOY TAKES THE FLOWERS AND LEAVES

you have to run to catch up

kaoru doesn’t speak to you for the rest of the day 😪

he’s questioning why he likes you💔💔

you tell hikaru what you did

he thinks it’s hilarious

and oml obviously hikaru knew that you liked kaoru 😒

you and hikaru have weekly sessions or "meetings" as you call them when tamaki is mad yall are splitting off from the group mid hosting LMAO

yall basically both do each others nails and complain about tamaki being annoying 🙄

he talks about whatever the new trend is and you both tell each other drama

yall fucking love it fr fr

but hikaru found out you like kaoru ‼

hikaru despite popular belief knows when kaoru likes someone

so he wasn’t surprised when you said kaoru liked you because duh the fucker already picked up the signs

hikaru tricks you guys into going on a date

MULTIPLE TIMES LMAO YALL ARE PRIDEFUL

yall FINALLLLLYYY come out happily together after the third time

tamaki is more happy than you guys are because yall “found true love” or something 🤨🤨

you and kaoru pretend to break up in front of tamaki a lot

LISTEN ITS FUNNY LMAO

WHY IS HE ALWAYS SO UNICONICLY DRAMATIC EVERYTIME?!!?

he always believes you guys for some reason!?!?

hikaru laughs about how stupid tamaki is

honestly your friendship with the twins is just playing jokes on everyone

because y’all are assholes ‼‼

#ohshc fanfiction #ouran highschool host club #ohshc #ohshc twins #ouran high school host club twins #kaoru hitachiin #hikaru hitachiin #kaoru x reader

[amphtaminedreams]

Film Tier Ranking 2019: A Bad Year for Bird Films

Hi to anyone reading,

I’ve finally put it together: my 2019 film tier ranking! I know tier rankings are a bit 6 months ago but seeing British crisps sorted into god, good, mid and shit tier all over Twitter, the format really resonated with me and I was like I MUST USE THIS AT SOME POINT! And I guess since there probably isn’t much of an audience for crisp tier rankings on Tumblr, it makes more sense for me to do it with films instead, especially as doing a 2019 year in film review was something I previously claimed I would do; here’s to 2020 and following through on my proposals.

I think 2019 in general was an okay year for film, with the end of the year definitely outselling the beginning. One thing to bear in mind is that a lot of films that I would’ve been able to see in 2019, I.E Little Women and Parasite, didn’t come out until 2020 in the UK so they won’t make it onto this year’s list. It’s not a snub by any means. I more fall in line with the Elsie Fisher Film Awards school of thought than the Oscars, which have yet again disregarded several incredible performances this year: Florence Pugh in Midsommar, Taron Egerton in Rocketman, Lupita Nyongo in Us, and of course, Greta Gerwig’s direction of Little Women. I’m sure there are many more but those are the first few that come to mind. Oh to be in 2017 when nominations made fractionally more sense.

This list also includes films that weren’t necessarily released this year, but that I just got around to watching; there were a couple of disappointments but also a lot of films I can’t believe it took me this long to finally watch and have definitely made their way into my favourites. My goal for this year is to get through even more of the films on my verrrry long Letterboxd watchlist, and more specifically, watch said films without going on my phone, which is a really bad habit of mine. I find it hard to sit still! Let me live! 

I also want to try and put aside my prejudices about visual quality and watch more pre-2000s movies this year; it’s really bad but I never managed to get more than half an hour into Psycho, of all films, solely because I couldn’t deal with the black and white. In 2020, I am going to stop being a whiney Gen Z/cusp millenial-er and give older films the chance they deserve.

So, without further ado, here is my film tier ranking of everything I watched in 2019! If you make it til the end and have any thoughts or disagreements, let me know. I love to hear other’s opinions and get new perspectives on things and am totally open to any criticism. Happy reading:-)

God Tier

Knives Out (Rian Johnson, 2019)

Knives Out. What a film.

I feel like I waited forever to see this at the cinema. They must have started showing trailers for it in, like, August, and I had to wait til mid-November to see it. How are you gonna just dangle a film with Toni Colette and Lakeith Stanfield in my face and then make me wait 3 months? Totally unethical.

But that being said, when it finally came around and I did see it, as much as I love Toni and Lakeith, there was one stand out and it wasn’t either of them: ANA DE ARMAS. I have to admit I’d never heard of her before but she acted the shit out of a role I feel I’d ordinarily find irritating and gimmicky. Daniel Craig, whose character seemed annoying as fuck in the trailer, was actually surprisingly funny.

Stylistically, it was a very cool film and I liked the subtle commentary on class that was running throughout. Also, I thought the ending was very clever. My issue with a lot of whodunnits is that they just pick someone who doesn’t make sense for shock factor *cough, Bobby Beale in Eastenders, cough* but the shocks here were more in the details. 

Hustlers (Lorene Scafaria, 2019)

There wasn’t one single moment of Hustlers I didn’t enjoy and it’s quite amazing that there wasn’t one single point in this film about strippers that I felt gratuitously sexualised women. THAT is why you fund female directors. It made the whole thing look like a calculated art form, which I think the unsexy amongst us can all agree that it is. Constance Wu was a fantastic lead, J-Lo was kind of robbed for a supporting actress nom, and Keke Palmer and Lili Reinhart were hilarious too. 

Midsommar (Ari Aster, 2019)

Midsommar was such an experience that it took me a good few days afterwards to decide whether I actually liked it. I saw it the day it came out because I loved Hereditary so much and I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. I kind of had an idea of the way it was going to go, we could all kind of guess evil cult was the route that was being taken from the trailer, but I just didn’t realise quite how weird it’d get. 

The gore was great, the visuals were stunning and the character arcs were surprising and for that reason, I think this is another game changer for horror from Ari Aster. I didn’t love it like I loved Hereditary but it continues to play on my mind and 7 months later I still can’t resist a good “Things you Missed in Hereditary” or “Hereditary Themes Explained” Youtube video essay. That’s how you know a film fucked with you and that’s the ultimate goal of going into a horror for me. Put that on my headstone after I inevitably get myself into some mortally dangerous conflict because I want to “get fucked with” a little bit.

Booksmart (Olivia Wilde, 2019)

So here’s the thing with Booksmart: I was getting progressively more and more drunk throughout it so I might be a little biased when I say I loved it. That being said, worth revere seems to be a commonly held opinion so I’ll stick to my guns. Plus, movies like this, which just focus on girls living their lives, are few and far between. Why have we had to wait THIS long for the female Superbad?

IDK. But Kaitlyn Dever, Beanie Feldstein and Billie Lourd proved it’s definitely a genre worth investing in so hopefully we see more lighthearted female-led coming of age comedies. One Ladybird per year isn’t enough for me.

The Favourite (Yorgos Lanthimos, 2018)

I included The Favourite in my 50 Films You’ve Got to Watch that I made earlier this year so I don’t have all that much to say about it that I haven’t said already. To summarise, it’s an instant classic: the cinematography, the cast, the lines, it’s all perfection. 

Suspiria (Luca Guadagnino, 2018)

I also included Suspiria in my 50 Films You’ve Got to Watch list so sorry if I’m repeating myself, but I adored everything about it. If I had to sum it up in one sentence I’d say divine feminine energy, but inverted. Plus ballet. That dancing scene in the mirrored room will probably never leave my mind (if you’ve watched it, trust me, you’ll know the one I'm talking about), and if there were awards given out for creepy montages in horror, this would win all of them. It still blows my mind that Tilda Swinton played 3 characters in this film; 2 of them are so distinctly different, if anyone put two and two together without prior knowledge of this fact then I’ll blow my own head up too. This is why I got so mad when there was all that discussion around her being the new female Doctor Who and there were people asking who she was. How can you not know who Tilda fucking Swinton is!? She’s a legend! 

Sorry, is the wannabe film snob in me showing?

Annihilation (Alex Garland, 2018)

Though I initially watched it because it’s branded as a horror, Annihilation ended up being a surprisingly introspective take on human nature and our self-destructive tendencies. Nothing really went the way I expected it to, even though I was constantly trying to guess that trajectory from beginning to end. 

Visually, Annihilation is magnificent. Like, it’s tense, and where exactly the plot is going is shrouded in mystery, but most importantly, it’s super fucking pretty. Sure, the only thing that was mildly horrifying was the *SPOILER* end result of that bear scene but I didn’t mind too much because there was always that edge-of-your-seat possibility something like that would happen again. 

Also I realised that Gina Roduriguez is really hot in this! I would just say in general but that video of her saying the n-word kind of took away shot at real world magnetism. WHY SUCH A SHITTY APOLOGY VIDEO!? WHY?!

Assassination Nation (Sam Levinson, 2018)

So I didn’t clock until I was looking up directors that Sam Levinson, Euphoria director, also directed this, and suddenly everything makes sense in the world. They both have that dreamlike, exaggerated feel that perfectly captures the emotional rollercoaster that is being a teenager, only in Assassination Nation obviously the threats are a bit more...tangible. As in its actually other people trying to kill our protagonists this time round, not just angst. 

Not gonna lie, it’s not a patch on Euphoria because that show is probably the best thing I watched all year, but I did thoroughly enjoy it, even if I did feel the social commentary, despite how in your face it was, got a bit lost in translation at times. I think it’s the kind of film that, once again, would’ve felt more genuine coming from a female director, however that’s not to take away from how witty, modern, and completely relevant it still is as we move into 2020.

Sorry To Bother You (Boots Riley, 2018)

Right. WHAT THE FUCK!?

Why don’t more people talk about this film? Like it has Tessa Thompson and the world’s best earrings! Lakeith Stanfield getting more than 10 cumulative minutes of screen time! Armie Hammer being that bitch we all knew he was irl (probably)! Scathing critiques of late stage capitalism! It’s insane, in the absolute best way.

SPOILERS AHEAD: I had a mini paragraph written about the last hour of the film and the descent into pure unadulterated chaos, and how it’s like, the internet’s best kept secret, because ordinarily you lot can’t keep your mouths shut about a film or TV’s shows most crucial reveals for more than 5 minutes and THEN...My FBI agent must be feeling real cheeky because THIS tweet pops up on my Twitter timeline. 

Fuck this shit, I’m out. Onto the next film. MI5 stop peeping my drafts. 

Eighth Grade (Bo Burnham, 2018)

I don’t want to repeat what I said about Eighth Grade in my 50 Films you Should Watch list but Elsie Fisher’s performance in this is why I wish the Oscars also had some kind of rising star award category à la the BAFTAs. Honestly, every 13/14 year old should watch this; it’s a reminder that although feeling like an outsider is by its nature quite isolating, it’s prolific enough that a 29 year old man, 10 years out of “high school”, gets it.

American Animals (Bart Layton, 2018)

My sister and I absolutely loved this film so you can image our disappointment when we turned round to our parents at the end and our enthusiasm wasn’t matched...as in, I’m pretty sure they were both asleep for a lot of it. WHICH I DON’T GET. Because to me, there wasn’t a dull moment. American Animals is what happens when a group of university age boys with the finesse of the American Vandal Turd Burglar try and apply that to an Evil Genius stye heist, part Netflix, talking head abundant documentary, part live-action film. Splicing a stylistic reenactment with interview footage of the men who really attempted to commit the crime elevated what I probably would have put in the Good Tier™ to the God Tier™; seeing the guy Evan Peters is playing alongside Evan Peters playing him, now only the remnants of the arrogance we see in the reenactment left behind, sharply reminds you of the fall from grace these boys deservedly went through. Plus Barry Keoghan from The Killing of a Sacred Deer is in it, proving that unsettlingly stiff is NOT in fact his natural state. 

Gerald’s Game (Mike Flanagan, 2017)

I wish there was a shorthand way to say I wrote about this in my 50 Films You Should Watch list so I’m gonna keep it short but here we are! This was great! If The Haunting of Hill House isn’t proof enough, Gerald’s Game (not to take away any credit from Stephen King) is a reminder that Mike Flanagan is the king of subtle, niggling sensation in your stomach that something is about to go very wrong horror. I hear he and Ari Aster have a timeshare situation going on with the crown.

The Ritual (David Bruckner, 2017)

Okay, so this is the film that made me realise we should all be very scared of forests. Nope, all the documentaries into the Aokigahara Forest weren’t enough, apparently. I subjected myself to this too, as if my unfit, cold-blooded, bug-fearing, scared of the dark ass doesn’t already have enough concerns about my survival odds in the great outdoors. 

Really though, setting aside, this film maintains the sense of dread throughout and keeps you guessing what’s going on until the very end. Much like The Descent, the group dynamic and characters are realistic enough that it adds to the believability of a scenario I, in principle, know would never happen to the extent that I might keep away from vast, wooded spaces for a while just in case.

Dumbo (Tim Burton, 2019)

If film Twitter came across this post and saw I’d placed Dumbo in a higher tier than If Beale Street Could Talk I can only imagine the outrage. And sure, the latter is probably a much higher quality film. But sometimes a movie, for reasons you can’t quite put your finger on, gets you right in the sweet spot, and Dumbo did that for me. Maybe it was that the CGI elephant reminded me of my cat (I know, leave me alone), maybe I was emotional that day, I don’t know, all I know is that I cried like 5 times and was smiling for the rest of it-to be fair, the exploitation of animals for our entertainment is something that is still very much going on and that was something that was playing on my mind a lot whilst I was watching it. IRL Dumbos should be free too. Dumbo rights.

The VVitch (Robert Eggers, 2016)

This film taught me that there’s nothing wrong with joining a coven of young witches and getting naked and levitating around a fire. And that’s an important life lesson. Plus it gave us the quote “wouldst thou like to live deliciously?”, which is not only so perfectly creepy and simultaneously empowering that I had to get it tattooed but also, created ASMR. I just made that last bit up obviously but Black Philip getting his own ASMR Youtube channel?

The Descent (Neil Marshall, 2006)

For me, much like The Ritual, The Descent is a perfect horror film: it’s got the ghouls but the situation the characters find themselves in is also terrifying by its own merit. The reason The Descent made it onto my 50 Films list and the Ritual didn’t is because, let’s be honest, it’s 2020 and you can get mobile signal in most places. You could probably at least make a 999 call if you got lost in a forest. If you DID get stuck in an underground cave and it collapsed in on itself, you’d be pretty fucked; the idea of it makes me shudder and I will never set foot in an underground tunnel at any point in my life for any amount of money EVER after seeing this. Also, the women in this are great and the creatures in this are genuinely quite terrifying, especially the first time you see them. 

Chicago (Rob Marshall, 2003)

Ah, Chicago, the last film on the God Tier™, proving that this list is in no particular order. Because WHAT A FIM. WHY DON’T PEOPLE TALK ABOUT THIS MORE?! Like don’t get me wrong, I know it deservedly won Best Picture in 2003 but I’m talking about right now! I mean, fucking Titanic is still out here getting referenced left, right and centre and yet Chicago gets paid dust! Can you tell I’m mad and that I think Titanic is hugely overrated?! Is that maybe coming across?!

ALL the songs are bops, Catherine Zeta-Jones is hot (I saw someone on Letterboxd say that Catherine Zeta-Jones in this film was their bisexual awakening and honestly, if I hadn’t already known I was a raging bisexual, same, because I FELT things in that All That Jazz opening) and Cell Block Tango is the revenge fantasy anthem I never knew I needed. Smart, tongue in cheek, beautifully shot and makes men look like little bitches which is probably why my dad hated it but what did I expect.

Good Tier

Zombieland: Double Tap (Ruben Fleischer, 2019)

Onto the first film of the good tier, Zombieland: Double Tap definitely exceeded my expectations. I was super worried about the prospect of a sequel as I love the first one so much and assumed it would be crap. Obviously, it doesn’t match up to the original because the original WAS so original, but it was still a fun, easy, witty ride. And I was SO glad they didn’t *SPOILERS AHEAD* kill off Tallahassee at the end because I really thought that was coming and it seemed so predictable and unnecessary. Highlight was the introduction of the lookalikes at Graceland.

Judy (Rupert Goold, 2019)

So, this is the first of two consecutive rants I’m about to go on about Oscar nominations and people’s reactions online. Prepare yourself.

I’ll start with the underlying message: just because you think something else deserves the praise more, doesn’t mean the film/album/*insert whatever artistic medium you wish here* that IS getting the praise is shit. 

Like people are angry that Lupita Nyongo wasn’t nominated for best actress for her performance in Us which is COMPLETELY valid as she carried that film on her back. In the same vein, people are also angry that more women of colour haven’t been nominated for best actress. Also valid; I’ve yet to see The Farewell but I’ve heard great things about Akwafina’s performance and I love her so even though I haven’t seen it, I’m gonna take the general consensus that she should’ve been nominated too. The Oscars definitely has a problem with recognising the work of POC. BUT, because of this, people are angry that Renee Zellweger has been nominated for her performance in Judy, saying that it’s typical “Oscar bait”. I agree, it is typical Oscar bait. However, a lot of the people saying this will in the same breath say (or tweet rather) that they haven’t actually SEEN Judy. 

How can you possibly say that Renee Zellweger doesn’t deserve any of the praise she’s getting when you haven’t even seen the film? Don’t get me wrong, the film itself is good but not outstanding (hence its place in this tier), but you can see Renee genuinely put her heart and soul into this film; it was powerful, and it was sympathetic but it was also nuanced and subtle where they could’ve just capitalised on all the sensationalised stories of the actions of a woman clearly deeply suffering in her final years and had it be full of shouting and screaming. The Wizard of Oz has always kind of felt like home to me because of the childhood nostalgia factor and so I’ve always been interested in Judy and I think Renee captured her heart and her spirit in a way she would be deeply honoured by. Maybe the film itself doesn’t deserve the acclaim it’s getting but I think Zellweger definitely deserves the nom and I think most people who’ve actually seen it wouldn’t contest that. 

Joker (Todd Philipps, 2019)

Okay so second rant. I’m sorry. I have a lot of feelings. Most of them aimed at the annoying tendency of internet users, Film Twitter™ and Letterboxd users I’m looking at you in particular, to be wildly exaggerative. 

There just seems to be no nuance online. It’s not just yeah, I didn’t like the film personally and the message could be perceived in a certain way by certain individuals, it’s I HATE THIS FILM AND IT’S DANGEROUS AND THE DIRECTOR FUCKING SUCKS. I noticed this trend when La La Land came out (which if I had watched last year would certainly be in God tier for me). It’s like, if a film initially receives a lot of praise and buzz, there’s almost this wave of compensatory vehement criticism in response that’s usually disproportionate to how controversial the film actually is. People didn’t like that Joker was popular because they didn’t like Joker so suddenly it’s the worst film ever and the possibility of it getting any critical acclaim is wrong. I even saw people berating Todd Philipps for channelling Martin Scorsese as he’s the only person to ever be influenced and take direction from one of the most dominant figures in film of the 20th and 21st century. I mean, what’s wrong with that?! If it was any other director, it’d be called homage. But because everything has to be seen through this malicious lens, its copying. 

I think one of the few very valid criticisms about Joker was that it further perpetuates the idea that psychotic people are dangerous, and I can totally see where they’re coming from. At the same time, we have to accept that whilst the majority of people who are psychotic aren’t a danger to anyone apart from themselves, most “dangerous” people don’t just become dangerous because they thought, fuck it, why not? A lot of people in the prison system ARE suffering with some kind of mental illness. The character’s psychosis doesn’t make him dangerous, it’s his underlying resentment and sense of entitlement that grows throughout the film that makes him dangerous, and I think a lot of people seem to miss this point. They say that the way the film ends implies Philipps is justifying the actions of the films protagonist. However, we KNOW the Joker is an unreliable narrator, he’s one of pop culture’s most infamous villains and that being said, both in film and in the real world, few villains see themselves as the villain. Joker is about why HE thinks he’s justified in doing what he does, not why he IS justified in doing what he does because he’s not, and that’s pretty clear from the moment he shoots someone in the head on live TV. Honestly, I think there’s a bit of wilful misinterpretation going on because people don’t like that film

I liked Joker. It was gritty, it was interesting, and sufficiently dark. I didn’t think it was the best film of the year but I understand why it got the praise it did. Obviously, it’s okay that people disagree and DON’T like it. But can we please get a bit more well-acquainted with the middle ground?

It: Chapter Two (Andres Muschietti, 2019)

Okay, essays over. Back to regular scheduled programming of less impassioned reviews. Though I will say I deserved better than my Letterboxd comment of “so you can just fucking roast Pennwyise to death?” getting absolutely 0 traction. One day my grand total of 5 followers, one of which is my sister, will recognise my brilliance (lol).

It’s hard to say how much I really liked this as I think my perspective of how much I did enjoy it is warped by how much I disliked the first one. Child actors really aren’t my thing and the only cast members I warmed to in the first one were Finn Wolfhard and Jack Dylan Grazer whereas the cast here were a lot more likeable, imo. Bill Hader, Jessica Chastain and James Ransone were all great, with the only let down being James Mcavoy; I love him, don’t get me wrong, but I just think he was really miscast in this role. 

Another thing I enjoyed a lot more about this instalment was that due to the more episodic/anthology-like/Creepshow-esque structure with each character conquering different monsters from their past individually, the narrative felt like it had a lot more direction, and it didn’t drag as much despite it having a significantly longer runtime. I haven’t read the Stephen King novels and I don’t know much of the pacing issues are down to them so this is me coming at it from a screenwriting angle but it felt as if the climax of the first film just kept going on and on. Every time I thought it had finished there’d be another confrontation between the kids and Pennywise whereas Chapter 2 seemed to have a more definitive third act and I appreciated that.

Rocketman (Dexter Fletcher, 2019)

So, here’s one where I WILL agree with the general online consensus: if Rami Malek got nominated for playing Freddie Mercury last year and Renee got nominated for playing Judy Garland, why the fuck didn’t Taron Egerton get one for playing Elton John? Why didn’t Rocketman itself get a nomination when Judy did? Though I personally preferred Judy because I’m more interested in her story, technically and narratively Rocketman is the better film in my opinion.  This was so cleverly edited and sequenced and told with such a brutal honesty on Elton John’s part (it was co-produced by his husband David Furnish and he was heavily involved in everything from the set to the script), that I can only come to the conclusion that the obligatory biopic nomination only comes when the focus of said biopic is no longer with us as a kind of honorary thing. Whilst something like Bohemian Rhapsody was much more of an easy watch (which just goes to show how glossed over Freddie Mercury’s life was in the film), the way the story was told, by the time we got to I’m Still Standing that happy ending felt so earned.

Aladdin (Guy Ritchie, 2019)

You can hate all you want, Prince Ali and Never Had a Friend Like Me are fucking bops and somehow they were even better in this incarnation of the film. I was initially hesitant about Will Smith being cast but rather than trying to impersonate Robin Williams he went his own route and it really worked. He was the highlight of the film. It was undeniably visually stunning too. Madonna’s ex did good.

Us (Jordan Peele, 2019)

Ah, I feel so conflicted when it comes to Us. Like, there were some really strong points and it’s definitely a good standalone horror movie. It’s just you can’t help but compare it to Get Out, and with that unsatisfactory exposition dump ending, I left feeling so disappointed. It seemed to me that Jordan Peele got in a bit over his head here with trying to tie such a vague social metaphor and the actual in-universe plot together, and so ended up leaving both a bit half-baked. He tried to OutPeele himself and for me, it didn’t work. 

The doppelgängers were so scary as this ambiguous, vaguely threatening presence that if you are gonna give us a full blown, sit down explanation of why they exist it needs to be really bloody good. And this explanation didn’t make much sense. For example, *SPOILERS AHEAD* I imagine that the tethered just not being able to walk up the escalator into the “real world” was supposed to be some kind of metaphor for social mobility but it’s not fleshed out enough to work. In our world, there are REASONS why the idea of social mobility is flawed. In the film, it’s just like gee, if they chose to just walk up the escalator and go on this murderous rampage now, why couldn't they have decided to do it years ago back before they all lost their fucking minds? Why were they just copying the originals for all those years? HOW did they know what they were doing? See, the metaphor as I understand it is supposed to be that we depend on the oppression of others like us in order to maintain our social status, but not only is this kind of too general a statement to try and use a feature length film to make, I don’t really understand how this dynamic works within the narrative of the film. Technically, there's nothing to stop the tethered and the originals co-existing apart from the tethered deciding not to walk up the fucking escalator. We’re not talking a bourgeoisie-proletariat relationship here. The explanation of it all just being a “government project gone wrong” was too vague seeing as the plot working seemed prior to this to hinge onto something vaguely supernatural and the eventual plan of the doppelgängers seemingly had no purpose or application to the real world like the climax of Get Out did. It just left me feeling kind of like...why? Why did this all happen? When the ending and the twist was that predictable (the old Pretty Little Liars finale style twin switcheroo was blatantly obvious from the mother’s “it’s like she’s a different person” line near the beginning, let’s be real), I was expecting some final revelation that flipped my expectation on its head or at least felt helped things click into place. Instead, it seemed a bit hamfisted and like I was supposed to feel things were deeper and more significant than they actually were.

All that being said, I appreciate that if anyone other than the writer of Get Out had come out with this movie, I probably wouldn’t have these issues. Us was funny, it was fresh, and the concept of doppelgängers is something I’m so glad to see brought back into our modern pop culture database. The people are right, Lupita was incredible in this and it is a travesty that she didn’t get nominated. My sister, who was so creeped out by her vocal performance that she had her fingers in her ears every time Red spoke, still won’t let me attempt an impression of it. And that Fuck the Police sequence? Iconic. 

On the Basis of Sex (Mimi Leder, 2019)

I apologise in advance for the shittiest “review” I’ll ever write, but honestly I can’t remember all too much about this film other than it being good. Ruth Bader Ginsburg, I’m sorry. You’re a cool lady.

If Beale Street Could Talk (Barry Jenkins, 2019)

EURGH, THIS WAS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL FIM. The score, the shots, the rawness. I imagine it’s devastatingly real. Like, *SPOILERS AHEAD* you think there’s going to be a happy ending but there’s not. It should be disappointing but it’s an honest choice. And side note: fuck those annoying middle aged white ladies in the seats behind me and my friend who lost their shit and started giggling every time the N-word was used, JFC. I hate living in a Tory stronghold. 

Cam (Daniel Goldhaber, 2018)

So, as I said, I’m a fan of the whole doppelgänger thing. It freaks me out. The point in this film where the protagonist is approaching her bedroom door whilst she watches HERSELF livestreaming from inside that same bedroom had my heart in my mouth wondering what she was going to encounter on the other side. And you see, the ending of this was a lot more ambiguous than the ending of Us, so I should’ve had less questions. Whilst I’ve seen other people saying it WAS unsatisfactory and that they felt like we were owed more of an explanation, I liked the simplicity of the answer we got and the wiggle room it leaves for our own interpretation. The way I see it, given that we were told by the fan the protagonist meets with in the motel room that *SPOILERS AHEAD* it was a case of some kind of software copying these women’s likenesses to steal their viewers and thus their profits, is that Cam is a kind of a commentary on the capitalist exploitation of women’s bodies and the demand for (and desensitisation towards) sexually violent content; we don't necessarily need to know who is behind the virtual cloning, which is terrifyingly believable given how realistic some of the deepfakes I’ve seen are, because it doesn’t matter. We're basically told money is the motive and we know the kind of lengths some people will go, and someone DID go to in Cam, to in order to make a shitload of money and that’s as true in real life as it is scary. On the other hand, if you want to believe there’s a more supernatural presence behind the events of the film, there’s enough left to the imagination that you can go down that route too. Some films are better left un-exposition dumped and this is the proof. My one criticism, is that, like many films, it would be even better if directed by a woman; I’ve seen people say that its portrayal of online sex work isn’t entirely accurate and though I can’t say with certainty that women working in this industry weren’t consulted in the first place, I imagine a female director would not only be more likely to listen to their concerns but could translate the confusion and fear that comes with being expected to makes oneself sexually desirable to get ahead in the world but then shamed and used for doing so even more viscerally. A few tweaks and it’d be God Tier.

Colette (Wash Westmoreland, 2019)

The costumes, sets, and Keira were so, so stunning. Also it was just an inspiring, beautiful story. The navigation of womanhood, so called “deviant” sexuality and self-expression against the backdrop of early 20th century Paris with a load of Edwardian era tailoring thrown in, it’s everything I could possibly want and more; 10/10 moodboard content. 

The Boy (William Brent Bell, 2016)

I can’t believe this film was made in 2016, and it almost makes me move it down to mid tier based on the fact that a lot of the allowances I made for cheese factor I made on the assumption it came out earlier in the decade. BUT, that being said, I was creeped out for a good portion of this film. Most horrors I watch and I’m probably a bit too chilled (a head comes off or some witchy ass ghost screams into the camera and my only thought is some kind of judgement of the SFX), and yet I felt like watching this behind my hands. I don’t know what it is about dolls and puppets, Chucky was my childhood fear even though I never actually watched the film, but something about the uncanny valley of it all makes me just spend the whole time they’re on screen silently praying they don’t start moving or talking. So in a way, given the resolution of the film *SPOILERS AHEAD*, the premise of The Boy was actually a lot scarier to me than the reveal of what was really going on. Someone hiding in my walls? NBD. That demons are real and that they live inside creepy old dolls? Terrifying. Why does everybody I debate this with disagree!? You can't call the police on a demon! At least with a human being you can stick them with the pointy ending of something! Regardless, I enjoyed the journey and trying to work out how things would end and if there IS anybody secretly living inside my house right now, even if you are a supposedly dead murderous family member (last time I checked I didn’t have any of those so I should be all good), kindly vacate. Thanks.

Oprhan (Jaume Collet-Serra, 2009)

So the fact that this film is based on a real life case makes this all the more terrifying. It was a bit campy and tacky at times but the shot of *SPOILERS AHEAD* Esther taking off her makeup in the mirror and revealing her true age will always be iconic. Plus I love Vera Farmiga, even though I did struggle to see her as anyone other than Norma Bates. 

First Reformed (Paul Schrader, 2018)

A hauntingly beautiful film with a lot of room for interpretation. There were so many gorgeous shots and so much subtext, this is proper 10/10 media studies essay material.

The Invitation (Karyn Kusama, 2015)

I would say the concept and implications of this film, which don’t fully hit you til the final shots, are a lot better than the film itself. It feels very realistic though and is definitely tense.

As Above, So Below (John Erick Dowdle, 2014)

I was so stoned when I watched this that a lot of the allegory and Dante’s inferno references went straight over my head, and it just seemed absolutely balls to the wall wild. I couldn’t buy that the characters would just KEEP GOING either when things began to get terrifying, like people in horror films really out here making the most nonsensical decisions and it drives me mad. But anyway, it was definitely entertaining and there’s a lot more to it in terms of plot and mythology than most similar quality horrors and I appreciate that 

Climax (Gaspar Noe, 2018)

Climax is an interesting one that I think I’ll have to watch again to judge how much I truly like it. As with Us, I know it’s a good film, but I think my expectations of what it was going to be left me slightly disappointed. See, when I read about the premise I assumed that the horror was going to come from seeing the perspective of the characters on said acid trip and that leaves so much room for any kind of terrifying visuals you want whether that be something based in realism or fucked up creatures of the imagination. Buuuuut, it wasn’t that at all; at no point does Climax take place from the first person perspective of any of the characters. Similar to Darren Aronofsky’s Mother, the horror comes from not being able to do anything but watch as everyone starts losing their minds and the situation gets increasingly more dire. It’s pure stress; the acting is so unnervingly good that you really do feel like you’re watching some unintentionally horrific incident take place. That’s not a bad thing-I like it when films make me feel something intense, whether that emotion be positive or negative. It was just a different viewing experience to the one I had precipitated. 

Mid Tier

Nativity (Debbie Isitt, 2009)

I find Mr.Poppy hilarious. Does that make me a child? Probably. I’m not really one for Christmas movies but this one’s alright.

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (André Øvredal, 2019)

I get that it’s based off a book so it’s not exactly like the “monsters” were a secret in the first place, but for those of us who didn’t read the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark books as a kid, my main beef with this film was that they basically revealed all of said monsters in the trailer. Like how It: Chapter 2 spoiled the scene with Beverly in the old lady’s apartment but with EVERY. SINGLE. CREATURE. The only one that wasn’t was the “jangly man” and the only takeaway I have from him is the “jangly in the streets, but is he jangly in the sheets?” Letterboxd comment I read afterwards. Like the creature designs are the selling point of this film and by showing us them all before we’ve even seen it, any anticipation that would’ve built up from their reveal was kind of gone. Plus, it definitely felt like the writers were trying to ride on the hype train of “It” when they wrote this-only they made it even more childish. I mean, I know it was classed as PG-13 in the US which is maybe part of the reason it was so tame but the Woman in Black was a 12 when it was released here and it could be the bias of my 13 year old brain but I remember that being terrifying to watch in the cinema.

Also, I found it weird how *SPOILERS AHEAD* a couple of the main characters died and there didn’t really seem to be any consequences? Idk, maybe that’s because I found them all a bit one dimensional but I’ve seen others make the same criticism so I don’t think so. 

Don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t a BAD film. It just wasn’t super good.

Charlie’s Angels (Elizabeth Banks, 2019)

I’ve never seen the 2000s Charlie’s Angels so I really don’t have anything to compare to, but I don’t think this was THAT bad. I was fairly entertained throughout and I enjoyed Naomi Scott and Kristen Stewart’s characters. My main issue was the unnecessary inclusion of Noah Centineo, and that weird ass montage at the beginning of stock video shots of girls just...doing miscellaneous things. Why, Elizabeth Banks, why!?

Toy Story 4 (Josh Cooley, 2019)

In some ways, I see why Toy Story 4 was narratively necessary: co-dependency had been a running theme throughout and we needed to see Woody (I feel stupid saying this considering he’s a fucking toy but allow it) realise that he can exist independently of Andy, and that there’s more to life than pleasing somebody else. The way Toy Story 4 ended felt like a satisfying conclusion to his character arc, and as well as the animation being top tier, Forky was a hilarious addition to the cast. However, I don’t think it carried the emotional weight of the 3rd Toy Story, which I think people had accepted as the last instalment and had used to say goodbye to the franchise, and therefore the sceptic in me thinks that the obvious purpose of this addition was a cash grab. I don’t doubt that a lot of people worked incredibly hard on it-I’m just saying that the propelling force behind the film probably wasn’t “the people need to see Woody’s character growth” and that was quite apparent throughout.

Doctor Sleep (Mike Flanagan, 2019)

There were some really beautiful scenes in Doctor Sleep; the astral projection sequences in particular were magnificent and I loved Rebecca Ferguson as the villain. Stylistically, though I didn’t find out he was the director until I was writing this up, you can definitely tell it’s Mike Flanagan, and like I’ve said, he does horror very tastefully. Unfortunately, I just wasn’t all that interested in the premise and I wasn’t hugely invested in grown up Danny Torrance either. The execution was great and the return to the Overlook was brilliant, of course, but the story just wasn’t for me and nothing much sticks out as being a particularly intriguing plot point.

Mary Queen of Scots (Josie Rourke, 2019)

What to say about Mary Queen of Scots other than...yeah, it was alright. I mean, I really should’ve liked it more than I did, because these specific events were part of the Edexcel A-Level history curriculum (Can I get some Rebellion and Disorder Under the Tudors students representation up in here!?) and I usually love seeing history translated onto screen, plus it centred around Margot Robbie and Saoirse Ronan. It was just very...meh. I feel like there’s so much more complex a story here than was told. Both women were undoubtedly a lot more complicated than this film made them out to be and I think to reduce Mary Queen of Scots to a Mary Sue-ish heroine was a disappointing choice. Plus, if we’re gonna talk historical accuracy (which all the racists came out of their caves to discuss at the time), Mary and Elizabeth never actually met; I’m sure there was a more creative way to explore their dynamic than by forcing an interaction that never actually happened.

Apostle (Gareth Evans, 2018)

There were elements of this film I really liked; the mythology behind the cult, I.E what the townsfolk actually worshipped when you stripped away all the secrecy was pretty interesting. However, I felt it depended too much on atmosphere and not enough on plot, and I didn’t warm to any of the characters.

Searching (Aneesh Chaganty, 2018)

It’s difficult because technically, Searching is obviously an ingenious film. My issue is the way it ended, which was imo, super anti-climatic, and honestly pretty predictable in that it seemed like the writers just went out of their way *SPOILERS AHEAD* to make the culprit the person viewers would’ve ruled out by default for shock value, and then work out WHY that person was the culprit from there. I was expecting something a lot darker to be behind the protagonist’s daughter’s disappearance-irl, these situations usually are-and so maybe it’s just me being a bit of a sadist but I was disappointed by how things resolved themselves.

Deliver Us from Evil (Scott Derrickson, 2014)

So, this isn’t boring. It’s interesting to have a horror navigated through the lens of something as procedural as a police investigation. But ultimately, the acting isn’t great, there’s very few scary moments, and it’s a little cheesy. As horrors go, it’s pretty shallow-it is what it says on the tin.

Dumplin’ (Anne Fletcher, 2018)

I watched this right at the beginning of the year and I can’t remember all too much about it, but I remember not hating it? See, looking at the cast, Odeya Rush and Dove Cameron are both in it which would suggest I’d come away hating MYSELF instead but yeah...I got nothing. 

Lights Out (David F.Sandberg, 2016)

The concept is very scary, the execution not so much, and the actual storyline is a little cheesy. I found myself just being like OH MY GOD, IT’S BELLA’S DAD FROM TWILIGHT! And then *SPOILERS AHEAD* getting mad that they did Charlie Swan dirty like that by killing him off in the first 10/15 minutes.

The Goldfinch (John Crowley, 2019)

So I LOVED the book of The Goldfinch. I read it after the Secret History and even though most people seem to prefer the latter, the former hit me right in the sweet spot. The length was almost one of my favourite things about it; I felt by the end that I came to know the character so well he felt like someone I knew in real life. When I heard Ansel Elgort was cast as Theo, I was really happy; I’m not necessarily a huge fan of him as an actor, I've only ever seen him in shitty teen-y dramas which I forced myself to like at the time E.G. The Fault in Our Stars and Divergent, but he looks kind of exactly how I pictured Theo looking. Almost like an Evanna Lynch as Luna Lovegood situation. And then honestly, the actual film came around, and I found myself much preferring the young Theo sections. I get that Theo is quite a muted character and I hate to properly slate anyone’s performance, but Ansel as him felt a bit flat. The casting in general was pretty whack; I love Nicole Kidman but she didn’t feel right as Mrs.Barbour and it seemed that they added a lot to her character to the detriment of Hobie’s character who was a much bigger part of Theo’s life in the book. Also, can we talk about Finn Wolfhard as Boris? I’m sorry, but that accent was godawful. Really bad. Boris’ accent was always supposed to be kind of ambiguous but this was just butchered Russian. Another gripe that my friend and I, who also read the book, had with the Vegas section of the film (which was otherwise probably the best part) was that they never properly explored the complexity of Boris and Theo’s relationship. Obviously I’m not saying that I want 2 minors to shoot a sex scene but it could have been referenced when they reunite as adults because the kiss on the head when they part in Vegas seemed misleadingly platonic. It was heavily implied in the book that there was some kind of love that went beyond friendship between the two and I didn’t get that in the film at all. 

Ultimately, when you try and adapt a book as long as the Goldfinch, you’re always going to have some pacing issues and people complaining that things were left out or that X or Y character didn’t have enough screen time. But in ways, I think the fault here was trying to stay TOO faithful in the limited time available. They definitely could have focussed less on certain relationships and more on others, and when it comes down to it, I think we lost a lot of the grittiness of the original book for the sake of pretty visuals. 

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood (Quentin Tarantino, 2019)

Don’t get me wrong, this would 100% be in shit tier if it wasn’t for the last hour or so of the film and all the Manson lore which is so disappointing because I love Tarantino films and I love that era. As for the first couple of hours, I loved the vibe and I love Margot Robbie, and I think it was very respectful towards the Tate family (if anything radiated through the screen more than anything else it was Sharon Tate’s sweetness), but I just wasn’t that invested in Leo or Brad’s characters-it all just felt a bit pointless. I really like Brad Pitt and even that couldn’t really save it for me. Maybe if you took away the remaining 2 hours and 20 minutes of Leo DiCaprio making vague allusions to his own career to a girl only slightly younger than the combined age of all girlfriends past I’d enjoy it more but then I don’t think there’d be much footage left. I guess we should just be grateful that Tarantino managed to refrain from unnecessarily sprinkling the N-word into every other line of his script this time, right?

Also.

SO. MANY. FEET.

But then again, this did result in Brad publicly mocking Tarantino’s foot fetish during his speech at the SAG awards so...I’ll allow it. Sometimes kink shaming is okay. Especially when it’s this guy:

Isn’t it Romantic (Todd Strauss-Schulson, 2019)

I guess as romantic comedies go it wasn’t AWFUL because it was self-aware but still just not my cup of tea and it didn’t really make me laugh. Plus, I feel like it did just follow the plot of a conventional rom-com in the end so...what was it all for, you know?

Green Room (Jeremy Saulnier, 2016)

I think my disappointment with this film was a case of too high expectations. It wasn’t as gory as I hoped, in fact, there was very little on screen gore at all. I was just expecting something very messed up and I didn’t get that. But then again we did get Maeby from Arrested Development singing a fuck Nazis song so I guess that was a nice surprise?

Shit Tier

Birdbox (Susanne Bier, 2018)

First the disappointment of the Goldfinch, and now Birdbox (although they were chronologically the other way round but for the sake of this review, let’s just ignore that). It really is a bad year for bird films. 

It’s weird because when this first came out I remember everyone hyping it up and making memes about it and stuff and then I actually watched it and dear god, it was boring. Honestly, who paid you lot to pretend you cared enough about it enough to make content? And where can I get in on this action?

I mean it didn’t start off terribly but then they killed off SARAH FUCKING PAULSON and somehow managed to make SANDRA FUCKING BULLOCK unlikeable. How does one do that? The mind baffles.

Pet Sematary (Kevin Kolsch & Dennis Widmyer, 2019)

The kid acting was bad, the leads were meh and there wasn’t one creepy moment. This should be SO MUCH MORE hard hitting than it actually was given the subject matter and it just fell completely flat. I will say, though, *SPOILERS AHEAD* that the ending was appropriately doom and gloom and even though I’ve seen lots of others say they hate it it was probably the only thing I actually liked.

The Lion King (Jon Favreau, 2019)

Seth Rogen and Billie Eichner were the only good things about this which is sad because I fucking love Donald Glover and I was so excited when he was cast as Simba. Like, it was pretty but empty and unnecessary and I’m not one of these people who think CGI remakes always have to be this way-I loved Dumbo and I liked the live-action Jungle Book too! I just think the people who made this cared too much about good CGI and realism and less about heart. There was no personality whatsoever and it’s such a waste when you think about the fact that they had Donald and Beyonce on board. 

Red Sparrow (Francis Lawrence, 2018)

Eurgh, I hated this. I think Jennifer Lawrence is stunning and I usually love her films but every shot of her in this felt so male-gaze oriented, even the ones which were sexually violent, which I found to be completely unnecessary in the first place. At times it felt almost torture-porn-y which was not what I expected at all seeing as the marketing made it seem like some kind of female empowerment movie.

It Comes at Night (Trey Edward Shults, 2017)

I literally can’t remember fucking anything from this film. Clearly there is a very, very fine line between atmospheric and boring.

Warm Bodies (Jonathan Levine, 2013)

Maybe it’s because I watched this about 6 years too late and the whole human-girl-falls-in-love-with-supernatural-creature hype train has long since left the station but I couldn’t even finish it. Cutesy necrophilia ain’t for me, sorry Nicholas Hoult. Still love ya. You’ll always be Tony Stonem to me xoxo

Million Dollar Baby (Clint Eastwood, 2005)

I’m pretty sure this movie won a lot of awards so I’m sure this is a very unpopular opinion but the way this film ended was so...depressing. SO depressing. Did it have to be THAT depressing? The Always Sunny in Philadelphia episode outsold.

This is the range Oscar winning actress Hilary Swank wishes she had.

Would You Rather (David Guy Levy, 2013)

Started off well but became cheesy and predictable as it went on. The acting wasn’t great either plus there was another unnecessary attempted rape scene here too. 

Christmas with the Kranks (Joe Roth, 2004)

So I watched this movie in the run up to Christmas because my best friend and her mum were referencing it like it was this cult classic (which I guess for some reason it is?) and I’m sorry to her and her mum but what the hell is this shit?! It’s not even so bad it’s good. It’s just bad.

The plot, the characters, EVERYTHING, it’s ridiculous on every level. I wasn’t into it enough to suspend my disbelief that anyone’s neighbours would actually care THAT much that they weren’t celebrating Christmas. Go on your damn cruise, take me with you whilst you're at it, ease my seasonal depression! I wouldn’t mind so much if it was funny or if the protagonists were likeable but it wasn’t and they’re not. Nobody’s actions made any sense. It didn’t put me in the Christmas spirit at all it just made me angry that Jamie Lee Curtis’ agent made her do this shit. She’s a scream queen goddess and she deserves better.

ANYWAY.

I’m now realising that I should have started on shit tier and worked my way up to god tier because now this post has ended on the rather sour note of me getting worked up over Christmas with the Kranks, lol. As always, these are just my opinions and I love to hear other people’s; when it comes to something like this, it’s all a matter of preference and there really isn’t a right or wrong answer, so I’m open to discussion!

With the Oscars less than a week away now I rushed a little to get this out on time, so apologies in advance if anything doesn’t make any sense or there’s any typos, I will look back over it at some point over the next couple of days to check. 

But if you read to the end thank you! And stay tuned for my overview of Paris Haute Couture Week S/S 2020 if that’s something you’re interested in as that will most likely be next post!

Lauren x

#cinematography #film #oscars #tier list #tier ranking #film tier #2019 films #horror #knives out #ana de armas #rian johnson #midsommar #ari aster #florence pugh #booksmart #kaitlyn dever #film review #film recommendation #musicals #disney #sorry to bother you #tessa thompson #lakeith stanfield #jennifer lawrence #hustlers #margot robbie #quentin tarantino #tarantino #once upon in hollywood #stephen king

[mai-takeda]

Welcome To Mai’s House Part 2

Hi there! I didn’t think you remembered about my invite to see the inside of my house! 

No, no. It’s not too late. I, err, well I was getting ready to rest but it’s okay! It won’t take too long and R.A. Decorations ( @rina-astraea) did such an amazing job I want to show it off! Come on in!

Okay over here is a very verrrry important and one of my favorite places. The kitchen! 

But what kitchen isn’t complete without shelf upon shelf of sweets! Okay, okay. Maybe it’s just I absolutely love sweets and can’t get enough. I have a problem. I will seek later...much much later! 

You’re hungry? Why in the name of Kami did you not eat already? Come on, come on! I’m not that bad of a host where I won’t feed my company! I’ll whip something up and we can sit at the table! 

What a meal! Let’s go upstairs and you can have a look at the loft up there! It’s sooooo neat how R.A. Decorations set this up!

Isn’t it great. What? You’re wondering what’s that on the shelf over there. Oh th-that’s my family sword. I-it was passed to my when my father and older brother passed away fighting against the Garleans. Here come look. 

Okay, time to go downstairs! Follow me! Hurry and keep up. 

Here it is! Almost my home within a home! Books, my work desk, a teddy bear my Veda had gifted me and everything! I get a lot of relaxing and work done here!

There are soooo many books and I love getting new ones. I wonder which one I will read next when I stop to think about it!

What’s behind the screen door? Come on and I’ll show you. I know you’ll be really surprised that there is yet another hot bath here! Alright maybe not surprised because I love them soooo much!

On the side is where I keep cosmetics and all the things I at least try to make myself pretty with. Not sure if I succeed in that area or not. 

Okay let’s go upstairs! This talk is making me miss the person I try to make myself so presentable for. Got to stay positive, right? Come on! I have another loft!

This is where I sleep. You know when I’m not working too hard and don’t pass out on the floor or on a couch! E-even be-being up here is...making..me...slee...py...

Suddenly startles herself awake after hearing her name....I didn’t take the sticky buns! Wait what happened? Err, did I fall asleep? Blushes intensely. Sorry! 

Uhh, I guess it is late, huh? Well thank you for coming! I hope you enjoyed my home just like I enjoyed showing it to you! Maybe we’ll meet again and go fish or something! I could always use some friends! Have a great night and fortune favor your road! 

((Just finishing my home tour and fun way to show the interior of the house decorated WONDERFULLY by my friend Rina! @rina-astraea  who I adore and does AMAZING magic! Thank you again hun and thank you all for reading! Hope you enjoyed!))

#ic story #story #mai's house tour #au ra raen #ffxiv rp #ffxiv housing

[basshouse]

Workin’ It

Today is my last day of work at SLI Systems.  I’ll miss the location and I’ll definitely miss spending my days with people like these:

No, we don’t usually wear this much makeup at work. It was a holiday party -- in the summer!  I’ll drink to that.  Well, apparently I drank to that and quickly went looking for a refill: 

Seriously, one of the questions I have been asked most frequently is: How’s work?? 

The answer has changed pretty materially many times, and in what seems like a very short amount of time to have this many different answers.  It goes like this: 

May/June: Great!  Super chill.  Nice people. Just getting started. Cool to learn about new industry. Fun to work in the CBD and be able to explore it. The office is full of people from a wide variety of places around the world. 

Late June: Wait, what?  This assignment sucks.  I can’t believe I have to do this. 

July -- August: Busy!  Interesting. I have some important work to do here.  It’s a lot of change management but I’m up to the task.  Thank you Diana Kumar for giving me the playbook on release management, and thank you Tableau for making me do so many things I had no idea how to do.  I’m using my very broad skillset.  My work life balance is great and I’m learning.  

August: Tas is here!  My new office mate has potential to become my NZ BFF and my life changes forever :-)

Early October: Success! We have reached a significant milestone and I helped make it happen.  We have a carnival to celebrate. Also, I start working on a really interesting new project, to define and launch an Image Search product. 

Late October: Record scratch in the form of this announcement: 

October to December: Visa research.  Job interviews.  Mood swings between “stay focused on doing good work” and “where are we drinking for lunch today?”   Holiday party fun despite (or because of?) the fact that we’re probably all getting canned.  The getting canned thing stretches on and on. 

December 19th:  I sign up my first beta customers for Image Search, exciting!  The takeover deal is done.  We all listen to the new American CEO tell us our roles will be terminated in the near future, but I don’t have enough official documentation or information about being fired to take a different job because of the visa I have. My visa request is denied.  No details about my expected severance pay.  #immigrationpaperworkisforthebirds #nowweare defiitelydrinkingatlunch

January: The new CEO visits and spends at least 30 minutes telling us how Amazon works, how many packages his wife ordered last year, and how smart he is, but never actually tells us what we need to do or whether we’ll have jobs in the future or when we will lose the ones we have. I talk as little as possible so people will forget I’m American.  People are annoyed, people are sad, people are angry, a few are hopeful and understanding.   Either way we’re all still supporting each other and socializing.  I get to know people better than I did before because most of our days are spent making tea/drinking coffee and catching up.  Friday happy hour starts around 3 instead of 4:30 now. The amount of work happening is verrrry close to zero,but who can blame us?   We have no direction. My visa paperwork finally goes through and I resign to take a new job.  No severance despite the fact that NZ law and my contract state I get one if I’m let go.  Booooo.  But it’s time to move on. 

Now let’s jump up a level, to the summary:  work has been great and work has been awful.  That’s pretty much the way it goes, eh?  SLI has been a nice place to work and the people I have met are fantastic.   I was glad to be there. I got to do some cool stuff.  I had to spend more time than is comfortable doing very little, but hey, I started a blog!  I didn’t expect to look for a job so soon after arriving in CHCH and having to do it kind of sucked, but the silver lining is that I know more about the job market and my network is growing. And I think I have found a really interesting opportunity (more info in future blogs I hope). 

When the announcement happened and the visa stuff was dicey, Jason and I had a hard think about whether we should just move back to Seattle.  Was it worth?  Did we like it?  Is the job market good enough to get us through and keep us busy?  What about the kids?  Should we just move to Bali for a year and head back to Seattle?  Side note, we did NOT discuss this with the kids or even tell them about the job stuff because we thought they’d get fixated on the possibility of moving back or scared about more changes coming their way after they just got settled. The good news is that in the end we were both very clear that we wanted to try to stay here.  It was a good opportunity to reflect on the details of our experience and align on what we wanted to do with our lives and how we felt about the move.  It’s good to know we could go “home,” and really nice to feel like we made a good decision in coming here. 

There’s nothing like drama to make you reflect on what you feel and what you want (silver lining). I was re-reminded of a few other universal truths that I can now say I’ve witnessed as true in a different part of the universe: when people don't have information, they fill in gaps, and what they make up is usually more negative than not; most people are kind and amazing, and it’s important to let yourself be supported; inauthentic, egotistical, selfish people are just dicks; drivers who honk a lot are silly, no matter what side of the car they sit on; almost nothing in the world is as annoying as an underpowered hand dryer, unless it’s an underpowered hand dryer that’s hanging high enough on the wall that the water drips down your sleeves when you dry your hands. 

And here’s my first Kiwi flag, signed by my co-workers (Tas is responsible for the huge “BUGGER OFF” in the top left), a going away gift from SLI: 

They asked if I wanted an American flag or a Kiwi one.  I think they were serious.  What do you think?  Hard to tell with the accent. 

Here’s something I’d like you to know (if you know me well, this may be hard to comprehend so get ready):  Since I moved to NZ, even when I was busy at work, I have NEVER worked at night or on the weekend.  Almost never on vacation (maybe an hour or two). I spend less time with my laptop closed than open.  I bike to work.  I have time to surf.  I sleep enough. I exercise.  I took Anily to the mall to buy a scrunchy in the middle of the work day and didn’t feel stressed about it.  And it feels really good.  When I tell old friends stuff like this, they often say things like “well you deserve it after how hard you worked and what it took to move. It’s ok to take some down time.”  Which I appreciate because it is supportive and kind and true. But listen: we should not feel like we have to excuse or explain away a life that does not include cognitive overload and work related stress and constant busy-ness.  I know it’s become a hallmark of many “high performing” people, including me, and we easily feel guilty or try to justify the moment that we are not overworking or over reaching.  If we’re getting what we need to get done done, can we stop feeling bad for not doing more?  We deserve better than that. 

(I don’t think I am saying that just because I am not sure I know how to work hard anymore but I can confirm after next week when I start my new job).  

Also, I have a much greater level of sympathy for immigrants than ever before. Even though as far as immigration issues go, mine are probably minor because I am educated, employable, speak the language and am not fleeing a dangerous situation or being persecuted.  It’s still really scary to not have control  over your own fate and wait on paperwork and try to manage what feels like a house of cards. You can feel a little sorry for me (thanks!), but please feel more sorry for many others who are trying to mAke their way to a better life. 

As for Jason?  He’s still working for Stoup and killing it.  From anywhere and everywhere and all the time (nice office, huh?): 

[youveneverbeenalone]

This one is for the lovely @irelandhoneybee. I hope you enjoy it! I certainly enjoyed writing it! This is for prompt #23 from list 1: Imagine person A walking out of the bathroom after a shower, half-naked and wreathed in steam, and B immediately dropping whatever they were holding. Bonus if it’s an animal which gives them the stink eye before slinking away.

I’m kind of posting on topic today. Maybe. I mean, it’s AU ish in that .... it’s an established domestic relationship and... they own a cat? Sure, we’ll go with that. Anyway, here is some Karedevil fluff and banter and almost but non-quite smut. I hope you like it!

Ugh, I’m sorry about the title, btw. I don’t particularly care for the song or it’s artist, but the reference was too perfect to pass up.

(And P.S. the cat is named after Blanche Dubois- like, from Tennessee Williams’s A Streetcar Named Desire. Maybe one day I’ll write the ficlet in my head in which they find and name her. Can you guess where I’m going with this...?)

—-

Cat Scratch Fever

Leaning against the kitchen counter in Matt’s apartment, first-aid kit out as she works to disinfect a seriously nasty scratch on leg, Karen is starting to regret their decision to adopt a rescue. Or at least this one - their new calico, Blanche. The feline in question sits, glaring and grooming herself, on the back of the couch. Karen thinks if the cat could laugh at her right now, she would. This seems particularly true as Karen hisses at the burn of antiseptic on a patch of her shredded skin, and the cat turns its head to survey her, wearing its feline grin. Karen gives a frustrated sigh as she fumbles with the flimsy wax paper wrapper of a band-aid. That’s when she hears a bemused chuckle from the bedroom.

“You know, you could have asked me to help you.” The sound of a dresser drawer being opened and shut a moment later underscores Matt’s comment.

She rolls her eyes and scoffs. “See, your smug demeanor just now is exactly why I’m doing it myself.”

This time he gives her a full-blown chortle in response. “I love it when you get all righteously indignant about something. It really brings out your stubborn streak.”

She smoothes a bandage over the deepest part of the gash and crumples the wrapper in her free hand before tossing it in the trash can next to the refrigerator. “I’ll try to take that as a compliment.”

His voice gets closer as he crosses from the bedroom to the kitchen. “Oh, it was meant as one.” He stops at the end of the counter and leans over to kiss her.

She hesitates for a moment, considering whether she’s frustrated enough with his antics to deny him, but in the end decides the cat is more to blame that he is, and she won’t punish herself by denying him the chance to kiss her. She leans the rest of the way across and meets his lips with a smile.

He hums softly as he kisses her and for a moment she can barely believe that this is really her life because it seems too good to be true. Well … except for the cat scratches, that is.

As she breaks the kiss, she finds herself yelping as Matt suddenly picks her up by the waist and slides her up on the counter. She fights a shiver as he slides the hem of her skirt up ever so slightly and trails soft fingers from her knee to her ankle to survey the damage. “Ouch. She really wasn’t happy with you, was she?”

Karen swallows thickly. “No. She wasn’t. But I guess I can’t exactly blame her. I did get a little … distracted while I was holding her.”

Something about her tone must pique his interest, because Matt tilts his head to the side and raises an eyebrow at her, a knowing lilt in his voice. “Distracted? Care to share with the class, Ms. Page?”

A blush rises on her cheeks because she doesn’t particularly want to tell him why she was distracted, even though he likely already knows. She pushes off of the counter and begins picking up the first-aid supplies.

“It was nothing, really. I was just holding her when you came out of the shower and went into the bedroom. But as soon as you did, you, uh, asked me for something, or you asked me a question ... o-one of the two. So, I just turned to do whatever it was you asked of me, and I must have been so focused, I accidentally dropped her. But she wasn’t very happy about it. She landed on her feet, but she still got in a good scratch or two on her way down.”

With a purposeful click, she closes the first-aid kit case and walks past him toward the bathroom where she had seen him leaving the shower a short while before. And she allows herself to replay the moment in her mind as it had actually occurred.

She had been distracted, yes, but it hadn’t been by anything he’d said. Matt was distracting simply by existing in the world, but particularly so after a shower, when he was naked with water droplets beading down his god-like form. And she was nothing if not a devout disciple. She’d had nothing short of a religious experience as she watched him walk naked - save for a verrrry casually slung towel - from the bathroom to the bedroom. The poor cat had simply been a casualty of her worshipful gazing.

Sighing to herself at the mental image of Matt without clothes, she returns the first-aid kit to its place in the under-the-sink cabinet. But her internal reverie is disturbed by a skeptical hum and the sound of Matt comforting the cat in a sing-song voice that would be cute if he wasn’t currently siding with the enemy.

“Did mean old Karen drop you, Blanche? Did she? Because she was ‘distracted by something I said’?”

Karen rolls her eyes at his mocking tone and walks back out of the bathroom. She finds him perched on the arm of the couch, scratching Blanche between the ears as she purrs contentedly. And something about the whole scene really irks her.

“Yep. That’s what I said,” Karen says with a flat tone. She crosses her arms over her chest and leans into her hip as she stares across the room at him.

Matt smirks at her as he stands and crosses toward her. He stands before her in the middle of the floor, mirroring her pose, save for a look that is the epitome of smouldering. Her heart skips a beat at the sight, and she curses internally because it’s just not fair how he can do that.

“That’s funny. I don’t remember asking you to get me anything. I don’t remember saying anything at all, actually.”

Karen licks her lips and shrugs. “Huh. Weird. I hope your memory’s okay. How’s your head? Taken any serious blows while Daredeviling lately?”

Both of Matt’s eyebrows shoot up toward his hairline. “Wow. That’s the line you’re gonna go with? Accusing me of, what, brain damage? Or a concussion at the very least? Rather than just admit that you were staring at me and you were so enthralled that you dropped our poor, innocent cat?”

She tucks a lock of hair behind her ear and squares her shoulders as she recrosses her arms. “It’s not a line if that’s what happened.”

He gives a scoff, a playful sneer on his face. He moves closer while he speaks, his voice going lower and with an edge of danger that he knows she likes. “And you call yourself a journalist. I thought you had principles, Page. That you were committed to telling the truth. I’m very disappointed in you.”

She can’t even pretend to hate the fact that he can hear her heart starting to pound, because while she might be caught, that doesn’t mean that she can’t have a little fun. “Is that so?” she asks, voice going low and sultry to match his.

A shiver runs down her spine as he comes toe-to-toe with her and hums an affirmative non-verbal that she can almost swear she feels reverberate in her stomach. He brings his hands up to trace light but purposeful fingertips up her arms to her neck. “I think I need to set the record straight.”

She tries and fails to swallow a breathy gasp as he drags his fingers across her collar bones.

And her heart stops for a moment when he lifts his lips to whisper directly into the shell of her ear.

“That, or I won’t be able to trust that you can handle yourself around me. I’ll have to institute an all-clothes-all-the-time policy. All in order to save you from yourself, of course. And our dear little Blanche.”

Karen tries for an exasperated sigh, but it doesn’t sound very convincing; maybe because he’s still ghosting his lips over her ear and stealing her capacity for coherent thought, let alone mock outrage. Eventually she musters enough of her wits to put her hands on his shoulders and put some space in between them.

“You’re holding me for ransom, now?” she asks, with an arch tone. “That doesn’t seem very fair.”

Matt leans in close again and presses an open-mouthed kiss to her neck beneath her ear. “Justice isn’t always fair, Ms. Page,” he says in a low drawl. “I’d assume you’d have learned that by now. Still, the choice is yours. Admit to your staring, or lose the privilege entirely.”

His actions rile her so effectively that she can barely hear him for the blood that is rushing in her ears. Biting her lip is all that keeps her from moaning at him, and it’s a wonder that she doesn’t draw blood in the process. Part of her thinks she might just combust where she stands.

Karen closes her eyes and draws in a breath. She is losing this fight and she knows it. But when she really thinks about it, losing is the only acceptable outcome in the long run. Because the real tragedy here would be having to indefinitely forego the opportunity to see Matt’s beautiful form unencumbered by clothes. She’s not entirely sure that he would stick to his word, but she wouldn’t put it past him to try, all in the name of making a point. He says she’s stubborn, but he’s no better. He is a lawyer, after all. And she knows better than to try to call his bluff on something like this.

She doesn’t really have a choice.

At the sound of her annoyed huff, he pauses his lavishing of her neck and looks at her expectantly. She just rolls her eyes at him.

“Fine. I take it back. Let the record reflect that I was, in fact, so distracted in my staring that I dropped the cat, and thus, the fault for the cat scratches rests solely in my own hands. Are you happy now?”

“Absolutely delighted.”

He begins kissing her neck again, but this time works his way up until he reaches her mouth. And then he pulls her in for a very intense kiss that stops her breath, stops her heart, stops time itself as far as she can tell. Or maybe it’s that she’s finally starting to combust.

She wraps her arms around his neck in a rush because she fears she might just turn to ash if she doesn’t. And then his hands are everywhere - on her neck, in her hair, sliding down her back and the curve of her ass to hitch her leg up to his waist (or as high as her skirt will allow). But she winces as her band-aid catches against the fabric of his pants in the process and pulls at her still-sore skin. Matt pauses for a half a second to assess her hesitation before he notices the problem, picks her up in a bridal carry, and starts off toward the bedroom - all while kissing her as passionately as he had moments previously.

And if the look on his face as he does is any kind of a clue, she’s guessing that in the end, the scratches will have been well worth it considering all the other good that she is getting out of tonight.

Maybe the cat can stay after all.

#karedevil fic #karedevil #karedevil squad #karedevil week #matt murdock x karen page #matt x karen #my fic #prompt fic #irelandhoneybee #otp: you're not alone

[bugcadaver]

Should I avoid writing a character with a system if I don't have a system? I have a background OC which would fit the criteria, but i don't want to be disrespectful

heya, this is a verrrry late reply i’m really sorry about that, hope you see this reply!!

it’s...tricky. being an author means making characters with experiences outside your own, and idk limiting yourself to only your own experience will greatly limit your story. however, DID has a long history of bad media representation and it might be a subject best left to people with DID/OSDD themselves.

I think researching DID/OSDD and asking people who have it for insight into their daily life and deciding if making the character is something you feel you can pull off! I’m happy to share my own experience and advice and I can probably ask around for anyone else who’d be willing to help. DIDresearch is the best place to start as it has basically everything you need to know. If it gets a bit confusing, this blog might help because they answer user questions and word things a little less formally than a research site. They’ve definitely helped me understand things many times, and if you’re still confused there’s similar blogs that might have the answer you need.

Most media examples of systems are complete garbage, so it’s hard to recommend anything unless to say “don’t do this”. Season one of United States of Tara is generally considered okay, but it starts derailing pretty quickly (honestly just watching the first episode is good enough). I recently started reading When Rabbit Howls which is unique in that it is an autobiography written by a system; most books on DID are written by either psychiatrists or authors based on their patient/interviewee. Those books are still worth checking out but since I haven’t read them yet I can’t vouch for accuracy, and they will deal with very traumatic material so...be prepared for that. In general, be ready to read about some pretty nasty stuff (I’ve had to put When Rabbit Howls down several times and I only started it yesterday) because of the nature of DID/OSDD.

Some advice I’d give for making a system character is to make sure it isn’t the ONLY thing they’ve got going. Make sure they’ve got the same details and interests as your other characters, and treat each alter as their own person (imagine them as roommates or siblings, or even as coworkers; they’re similar and may at the surface seem indistinguishable but they’re very different even if they’re working towards the same goal). Avoid angry or hostile alters, tbh. Yes, they exist, but media portrays systems as yknow having a murderous alter and it’s. something to leave to actual systems to write about. Instead, consider alters with nonviolent conflicts; contrasting life goals or dream careers they each want to pursue, or alters in love with different people. tbh I’d say avoid ‘persecutor’ alters entirely unless they’ve idk calmed down and no longer resort to violence, and show alters who..don’t hate each other? Cause there’s a lot of media where alters hate each other or disagree over everything and all that and, yknow, we’re not all like that. not to say fights& disliking each other doesn’t happen but it’d be cool to see them getting along for once.

there’s some info in those links about alter archetypes for you to learn about on your own but like tying into the above point, include friendly alters? include littles! idk what necessarily to avoid portraying other than like. don’t be weird. they’re literally just kids, stuck with a bunch of older people with more responsibilities and life advice. treat them as actual kids. frontrunners or hosts are usually going to be fronting unless something triggers a switch, either negative like stress or positive like another alters favourite tv show just came on!! not all systems have alters fulfilling every role either but i guess remember we each came into being for a reason even if that reason isn’t immediately obvious.

uhhhhhhh there’s more i can say but i think that’s enough for now. tldr yes you can make system characters just do your research, avoid harmful stereotypes and talk to actual systems! hmu to clarify anything or ask more specific questions or tell me about your character! hope this helps a little!

#james.text #system #idk i cld probably add more or word things better but i hope this helps! #actuallydissociative #Anonymous

[solarbird]

Old Soldiers, Chapter 20: you really, really should

I didn't realise I hadn't posted a new chapter since mid-December! Sorry for the late.

This chapter is worksafe. [AO3 link]

«Look, friend, all I'm trying to tell you is that big trouble is coming, and it's aimed straight at your guy. Cut him loose.»

Sombra made a little frustrated noise as Flores didn't answer immediately. He'd been fighting her on Morrison since she first contacted him about it. «Look, Olivia, this isn't...»

«Don't call me that.»

«Sombra, this isn't - you aren't with us anymore. We all know it.»

«But I'm still your friend, friend. Or aren't I?»

He sighed. «No, no, you are... I just... he really, really knows what he's doing. Militarily. We're so much more effective now, we've thrown the Maras completely out of the whole state. The police are starting to think of us as maybe not even so bad.»

«And when he turns on you, like he turned on Laticia and Araceli?»

A moment, and then another moment, silence, over comms. «He didn't... look, we don't know what happened to Araceli...»

«I do. I told you. I've seen it.»

«That - it makes no sense. It's impossible.»

«You want the video? I can see about that.»

«And Laticia, she's turned state's evidence, sold us out to Overwatch! Why shouldn't he...»

«Is that what he says? He's a liar. Well, he was a liar before. Look, have I ever lied to you?»

«Yes!»

«About anything important.»

«...no.»

«And I'm not lying to you now. You heard what Talon did to that Mara cell in El Salvador, right? Do you want that? Because that's what you're going to get.»

She could almost hear him thinking.

«...can you get me that video?»

«I think so. Want to clear it with my source, first. Very delicate, you know? Don't want to alienate them.»

«Sure, sure. Let me know.»

«I will. Sombra out.»

The hacker leaned back in her chair. "Well, how 'bout it? I figure we let him sweat for a day or two, then hand it over."

Lena smiled. "Sounds good. I don't want t' have to tear through Los Muertos to get to that bastard. They're just kids, mostly, and none of this is their fault." She fuzzled Sombra's hair.

"Quit it, rapido! This hair takes time!"

"Make me!" Lena giggled, and, of course, made it worse, as she and the hacker got into a hair-messing competition that the teleporter could only win.

Angela looked on, mildly astonished, from the couch across the room where she sat, surrounded by notebooks. Yesterday's meeting of the minds had run late into the night, followed by a massive exchange of documents in the morning, after breakfast and some more personal catching up with Amélie.

She looked around, again, a little overwhelmed. She'd handed over a data chip, and had not imagined getting stacks of paper to read, in exchange. Dr. Marani wasn't so much old-fashioned in her record-keeping, as prehistoric. It looks like so much more, when it's all physically in front of you, she thought. But it painted a crystalline picture, nonetheless.

A burst of laughter caught her attention, and she looked up. Lena's so relaxed, here, she thought, contemplating what she was seeing. And arguing against killing, rather than reminding us she's an assassin over and over. She gazed intently at the roughhousing Talon agents. It's because... she's just Lena here, isn't she? Not Tracer. Just ... herself, and she doesn't have to insist on anything to remember that. She shook her head, and went back to reading lab reports.

"Agh, you win, stop it!"

"Yeah!" The assassin punched the air. "Venom wins again!"

Sombra got out a hairbrush and began working her hair back into place. "You know, it'd go a long way if he heard it from Laticia himself."

"What, get her sprung, you mean?"

"Something like that. It'd carry a lot of weight."

"Hmf," said the assassin. "Somethin' to consider." She glanced over at the Overwatch doctor. "If we have to. Don't quite want t'be asking favours at the moment. Not 'till we've got everything else sorted out."

"What's Overwatch gonna do with her? They aren't police or courts or anything. They have to hand her over to somebody, eventually - why not us?"

"What would happen to her afterwards?" Angela asked, suddenly.

Lena shrugged. "...let her go, I guess? Back to Los Muertos?"

"With what she'd know, by then? How could that work?" She leaned forward, intently. "You could never let her go. Not with her knowing what she would about Talon, combined with what she does about Overwatch. She'd be a threat." She leaned back, and shook her head. "I cannot risk that."

The assassin frowned. "We wouldn't, but... I get your point, I guess."

"What if we kept her at arm's reach?" suggested the hacker. "Your friend, Gabriel."

Venom grimaced. "He's not really..."

"Fiiiiine, your colleague, whatever. When we decamp to Mexico, he goes too, brings her. We co-ordinate at a distance, he lets her go back to the gang when the job's done."

"That's not bad, luv. Whatcha think, doc?"

Doc, she thought. Well. That's an improvement. "I think... Overwatch could go along with that. Obviously, it is not my final decision, but... I think so."

"It'd help. But... y'seem to have got used to the idea we're gonna finish off Morrison awfully quick."

The doctor leaned forward, face in her hands, elbows on the glass table in front of the couch. "He's my fault," she said, resigned. "At least... partly. And I saw - well, I did not quite see it, but I saw the results when you were tried to bring him in alive." Her hands closed to loosely-held fists, forehead pressed against them, carrying the weight of her head, of her thoughts. "If he is willing to do that to you, or worse, to Mei-Ling... then he is no longer the man I once admired."

"Makes it easier, then?"

"I have always been a field medic, and then a doctor, first. But I have also always been a soldier. Just like him. Just like Fareeha. Just like you. But even with that, I am not on a mission to kill him." She lifted her head, and looked Venom in the eyes. "I am here to do my best to save my mother-in-law. If helping you kill him does that... so be it."

"Wow, this got somber," interjected the hacker. "Where's the fun in that?"

The assassin snickered as Angela frowned, and she swatted at her friend's head. "Right, then! It's late. Go flirt with your girlfriend - didn't you say you'd call her tonight?"

"Ah, she's used to it," Sombra said, nonchalantly - but also packed up her physical kit in one quick swipe.

"You complete reprobate - go call her. Now. She hates it when you're late."

"Don't have to tell me twice. And don't disturb me, we'll probably be verrrry naughty."

"Out!" Lena picked a cushion off one of the chairs and threw it at the Mexican woman as she fled, missing, Angela suspected intentionally.

"So... Lena - may I still call you that? Or is it Venom all the time, here?"

"This is my home, doc. You're at my house. If it's not Lena here, where is it?"

"I think you know what I mean."

Tracer managed a half of a smile. "Yeh. I guess I do." She sighed, retrieved the cushion she'd thrown, put it back on the chair where it belonged, and flumped down on it. "Honestly, I wish you wanted to be here. I'm not in love with you, but... bloody hell, doc. Of all the old crew, you were the one I wanted back. You were... you were the one I trusted. Maybe it was London, maybe it was... I dunno why. I just did."

"I have already made my apologies..."

"I know. I'm not lookin' for another one. I'm just..." She waved her hands around. "I want that trust back."

"But that's not why I'm here."

"No," she admitted, "I guess not."

"So then, Lena - why am I here?"

Lena smirked at the Overwatch doctor. "Helpin' us kill Morrison's not enough?"

"All you need is my field suppression device. I could've handed that to you in Geneva." She didn't pretend it would be any less involvement that way, not to herself - but it didn't require a trip to any secret bases. Or, apparently, homes.

"Fair enough. But with us, you've handy, if things go wrong. And, like you said, maybe y'can help us not have to kill someone else."

"Ana, again."

"Yeh. We take down Morrison, we get any video she might have of that little mistake of yours... she gets to live."

"How would I do that?"

"No idea. That's somethin' for you to figure out with Sombra."

"Lena," she said, leaning forward. "I appreciate that you're trying. But..."

"Again," the assassin stressed. "Trying, again. I hope you get that, luv, 'cause like you just said, last time tryin' it this way got me a hole in my back big enough for Zarya to put her fists through."

"But you would not be trying if you did not have some other reason to bring me here. She'd just be on your kill list. We both know it." She scowled. "Why am I really here? Not my reasons. Yours. You want trust back, between us? Tell me this."

Lena looked around, tapped the surface of the table with one finger, got up, and closed the door.

"All right, then," she said. "Didn't want t'get to this 'till later, but fine." She sat back down. "Remember how you said I didn't look any different, first time y'saw me, back in London?"

The doctor nodded. "You still don't, not really. It's only been a few years, after all - for you."

"Yeh - it's still explainable that way, for me. So far, anyway."

"What is?"

Lena gave Angela a long, thoughtful look. She's not this good a liar, she decided. Not with stuff like this. "Y'really don't know."

"Lena..." the doctor said, confusedly. "Would you please just tell me?"

The Talon assassin bit her lower lip, nodded, and took a deep breath, before continuing. "You're not the only one not gettin' any older, luv."

Dr. Ziegler started, leaning forward. "You're not... Dr. Mariani hasn't talked about work anything like this. If not her, then how...?"

"That's the trick, innit?" She sighed. "We don't know. Somethin' to do with the slipstream, we're pretty sure, but ... no idea what."

"...and Amélie is, isn't she."

"Yep. Nothin' you'd notice yet, particularly not on her - we're both hard to kill, and awfully durable. But... she is."

"I see."

"That time I asked you about Fareeha? Hoped you'd win that argument?"

"You knew, already? About yourself?"

"Sure did."

"That's what you want out of me, really, then, isn't it."

"Yeh," she nodded. "I..." Fear - real fear - flashed across her face. "I... sometimes, when I rewind, I..." She swallowed, hard. "I see things. Other places. Other us. Dunno if it's real, not for sure, but sometimes, sometimes... I see myself... at her grave. It's a hundred years from now, and she's long gone, and I'm still... me. As I am now."

She shuddered, and sniffed a little. Lena reached over, pulling a tissue from her pocket, offering it to her.

"I couldn't take that, doc," she said, taking the tissue. "I won't lose her. I won't. Not to that. Not to anything."

Dr. Ziegler nodded, eyes soft. "That... is something I understand. Fully."

"I still hope y'get it sorted with Fareeha. I like her."

For the second time since arriving at the small Talon base, Angela Ziegler smiled a genuine, broad, reflexive smile. "Then... I have some good news for you."

Lena blinked, and sat up straighter, eyes wide. "She..."

"Yes. Finally."

"And it's worked?"

"As far as I can tell, everything is perfect. Her scars started fading within hours. Not so much that she can see it, yet, but..."

Lena Oxton breathed heavily and deeply. "So ... there's hope. It's not just you anymore."

"No."

"If you can do this for us... t'hell with all of it, luv. I'd forgive you anything. Forever."

"Possibly, literally."

Lena laughed, her old laugh, the kind of laugh that cut straight through to Angela's heart, and the doctor, too, laughed, in kind, so relieved. "I am sorry for what I did, but really, I am not sorry at all," she said, huffing halfway to giggles. "I know what you must have been going through, now, and honesty, it all makes so much more sense..."

"It's been workin' on me, luv, not gonna lie," Lena said, shaking her head, eyes wet, but with a smile. "Maybe... maybe it's made me a little too extra, can't say..."

"Does Amélie know?"

"'Course she does. We don't keep secrets."

"Well. That explains all this," she said, pointing to the stacks of lab notebooks and research notes. "You were so angry that you thought I'd figured you out, then I get here only to have all this thrown at me..."

"In trade. The doc - our doc - has been wanting a colleague for a while."

"Certainly, but still - the dichotomy... well. It is now explained." She shook her head. "My approach will not even have to change. Just the specifics."

"Still killin' Morrison, you know that."

"Don't spoil the moment."

"We don't lie, luv. Not internally. It's somethin' Talon's got over Overwatch."

"...really?"

"Really. It's not just me an Amélie. We are what we are, we don't pretend we're anything else. Secrets, sometimes, sure, y'gotta keep 'em. But not lies."

The doctor let out a little bit of a laugh, a heh sound, almost appreciative. "No wonder you're so... thin, at the upper levels. Well. I suppose there is something to be said for Talon, after all."

"Big step up from the old Overwatch."

"All too true."

"I'll take that as a compliment!" Lena snarked, cheekily.

"You should," the doctor agreed. "You really, really should."

"Oh god, Ange..." She leaned forward, like the doctor had, head in her hands, eyes and smile visible through it. "You'll really do this. You really will."

"If I can."

"Thank you. Oh... I..." She leaned forward, and took Angela's hands, tightly, in her own. "Thank you."

#widowtracer #tracemaker #tracermaker #pharmercy #phamercy #talon!tracer #lena venom oxton #venom #old soldiers #sombra #symmetra #symmbra #deep background symmbra but it's there #angela ziegler #widowmaker #overwatch mercy #overwatch #overwatch au #also on ao3

[mermaidylluria]

I don't know if anything will come of it, but I wanted to share this with you, because I'm crossing my fins that perhaps, something will. FinFun contacted me by PM after I mentioned on one of their FB posts that I've decided to boycott them lately, and this was our exchange.  As I mention in my message to them, I wanted to share their response, because my hope is that perhaps, if enough mers/other folks speak up, we can make a real difference, and thus, make more dreams a reality. ♥♥

"FF: We are sorry to hear that you are not satisfied with our current options. Could you please tell us what you are referring to in particular?

Me: The fact that you keep coming up with all these BEAUTIFUL designs- and NONE of them are available in plus or custom sizes. You are literally singling out and excluding an entire community of merfolk who are genuinely and deeply wanting and needing affordable mermaid tail options.

I love that you guys even HAVE some custom size options, but this whole new craze in LE tails is awful because you are distinctly excluding the plus size community, whose sand dollars are just as good as anybody else's, and their dreams just as big & worthy. And every new LE tail design you put out is a painful reminder that you don't care as much about your plus and custom community/potential buyers. Your motto is "everyone deserves to dream," but clearly some of your customers matter more than others, and that's not okay.

I love your tails, own a few and have ALWAYS touted them to the world (check my unboxing review on YouTube if you don't believe me. It has over 3.000 views), but I'm not gonna continue to do that or follow you guys if the cool new designs you keep coming up with are unavailable to me, or people like me. It's hurtful and exclusionary, and as a plus-size professional mermaid whose mission it is to spread the word of inclusivity and wonder for ALL, (in the mer community and beyond), supporting you while you won't support us goes directly against my principles. We plus-size & other nontraditional mers deserve more than the scraps we've had to fight and scratch, beg & plead for, from the small group of tail makers who deign to throw a little business our way. We shouldn't have to fight and scratch. Our dreams and our dollars count too.

Ylluria ---(Secondary message)--- https://youtu.be/W4a9rsz_S70 3.5k views. That's a lot of sand dollars and potential customers you're saying don't matter as much to you.

FF: Thank you so much for reaching out to us. I will forward your heartfelt message to our management team and see that they hear your concerns. We appreciate everything you’ve done to promote our company thus far. You are right, we have lots of Fin Fans who feel the same way that you do about not having the option to get extended sizing in Limited Edition tails. Please know that you are extremely important to us!

Me: Thank you SO very, very much. It heartens me to not only get your speedy response, but to hear that you at least care and take my thoughts & feelings to heart. I'll pass that on to the other plus size mers in our large online FB community, and we'll be keeping an ear out for your response. It's good to know I'm not the only one who's spoken up about this. And if there's anything I can do to work with you guys as a plus size advocate or representative, or perhaps as an artist to help create more curvy-mer friendly designs, please don't hesitate to let me know. I truly do love FinFun and wanna help in any way I can to help more dreams come true. ('Cause my motto is verrrry similar to your own, but with a slight but meaningful differnce; which, as a plus-size and disabled mer, I'm extremely passionate about:

"EVERYbody deserves to live their dreams." "

I hope the person who responded & sounded so moved will carry that straight to the top of their company, and they'll truly hear us n' respond with some meaningful, massive changes. I really would be willing to relocate or work to help them design more curve-friendly tails, or promote them if they remedy this issue, 'cause I believe in what they do and it truly does break my heart that they keep coming out w/all these cute designs- that people like us have no hope of owning- because they simply -refuse- to make them in our size. So.. if you want them to change their ways, please, speak up. The more voices we have singing the same tune, the louder our song will be, and the more likely it is that they'll hear us. ♥♥

(Mermaid image courtesy of: https://www.zazzle.com/angry_little_buff_mermaid_temporary_…)

♥

#mermaid #mermaids #finfun #finfun mermaid #finfun mermaid tail #plus size #plus-size #curvy #custom #mermaid tails #fabric tails #affordable #tails #inclusivity #inclusion #everybody deserves to dream #dreaming #dreamer #activism #activist #speak up #make yourself heard #merfolk #merpeople #body positivity #body positive #HAES #dream big #ylluria #arctic mer