#sophie talks : streaming dreams

[baeshijima]

im giggling streamer blade is so funny PLEASE whenever he goes to conventions he immediately looks out for someone who cosplays you and takes a pic with them ,,, some say that to get his attention just cosplay his fave character (in this case it's you) or just talk about you near him ..... his ears will track you!! tested and proven by silverwolf where she sometimes notice blade zoning out when talking to him so she mentions your name and he straightens his posture and actually listens LMAOHFJFJF also his header on twitter or other social media is you ,,, there's also this one time where an artist ironically drew you and blade together and he almost died on the spot. he may or may not used it as his phone wallpaper 🙄

man gets whiplash the moment he hears ur name being said from how quickly he turns his head pls let him take like,,, a hundred photos so he can save them to his '[name] solos' album i beg 😭

SILVER WOLF IS SO DONE WITH HIM PLS??? when theyre streaming a game together on vc and she notices his lacklustre responses, she sighs and says ur name and boom. chat have front row seats to how quickly this mans attention can be garnered by the power of u <33

his whole twt + yt + twitch + discord layouts are done with ur colour palette with a mix of official and fanarts !! very proud of his [ stream will start soon ] screen when about to go online bc its just pixel art of u and him doing mundane stuff like lazing on the sofa and walking around and fighting bad guys together !!

AND UR SO RIGHT WITH THE FANART !!! pls he instantly dm'd them asking if they wanted to be his artist or smth 😭 and his phone layout... would be minimalistic but very aesthetic, esp with ur colour palette and the fanart of u both 😌

#omg a convo !? #nonnies !! #sophie talks : concepts <3 #streamer blade is such a silly i swear #man this is making me want to go back to my streamer au good lord #streaming dreams but hsr ver. ?????? #anyway blade would defo have pixel art animations of u and him and u cant convince me otherwise 🐥

[femininefutbol]

transfer talk

request: from the lovely @cneasai, i hope it lives up to your dreams

prompt: jill roord finally admits she has feelings for you when inform her that you are considering transferring clubs

word count: 1.9k

a/n: i said i couldn't upload until next week but wrote this between breaks of doing my uni work, it will likely be the last thing i have time to write until my unit is finished at the end of next week though

-

“Are you really thinking about moving to Madrid?” Sophie asks you excitedly, the two of you sitting in the backyard of your villa in Ibiza that you are at with your other Wolfsburg teammates Jill, Lynn and Lena. 

“There’s a high possibility, I’m going to meet with the club before national camp starts” you explain, a small smile tugging at your lips at the excitement that your former teammate has about you possibly playing together again. 

“What are you two talking about?” Lena practically stumbles into the backyard, basically still asleep. Herself and the two Dutch members of your holiday group, clearly not being early risers, leaving around an hour or so each morning for you and Sophie to just hang out together. 

“(Y/N) is considering transferring to Real Madrid next season” Sophie infroms Lena, the excitement still present in her voice, not even allowing you to tell her yourself. 

“How are you going to tell Jill?” is Lena’s immediate response. 

“Why does it matter how I tell Jill?” you look at Lena, wondering what she is worried about. 

“Because she likes you” Lena states in a duh tone.

Rumours had spread among the team towards the beginning of the season when Jill transferred to the club that she had some type of small crush on you ever since the 2019 World Cup.

You had yourself had a crush on Jill for the same amount of time so you were hopeful that being able to play together would be the catalyst that allowed something to happen between the two of you but she has only been strictly friendly towards the entire season leaving you assuming that the rumours that were spread were in fact false. 

“I like her too, she’s a great friend but I don't see why that affects how I tell her” you shrug. 

A look is shared between Sophie and Lena, the two of them wondering if you are having a laugh or if you are seriously just daft. 

“No she likes you” Lena states, being sure to use a different tone for the word like to emphasise her point. 

“Well by her behaviour this season I would never have guessed. I have been flirting with her since she transferred, I asked her out to countless dinners, I offered myself up as a tour guide and completely helped her settle in to the city and team. Through all that she was only ever friendly so I settled for friendship and now no offence but I will tell her the news in the exact same way that I would tell any of my other friends” you explain, a strained frustration present in your voice. There is also a stream of tears down your cheeks at the end of your explanation. 

Instead of waiting around for a response from either of the girls you leave the backyard, making your way through the house. 

You are stopped only when you bump into someone, hoping with every piece of your being that it isn’t Jill. You slowly look up, being met with the sight of Lynn looking at you in confusion, but all you feel is relief, a sigh escaping your lips. 

“Good morning Lynn! I’m going for a walk, can you tell the others? Thanks” you state and before she is even able to greet you back you are out the front door of your villa, left alone to roam the streets of Ibiza. 

- 

Meanwhile Jill makes her way into the backyard, her usual cheeriness replaced by a silent stature, something clearly playing at her mind. 

“Morning Jilly, excited for another day in paradise?” Sophie asks, herself and Lena deciding that you just need some time to yourself and that they shouldn’t be weird about the conversation you had with them just a few minutes prior. 

“Sure” Jill shrugs, pulling her legs up onto the chair she has sat at, she wraps her arms around them and leans her head on her knees. 

Sophie and Lena share a look, the two of them having a silent conversation about the fact that it seems rather obvious that Jill heard the conversation that you shared with them. 

“Hey Jill” Lena speaks cautiously while attempting to get Jill’s attention. Jill looks up at Lena, a silent confirmation that she can continue what she was going to say. “Did you happen to hear a conversation that occurred with (Y/N) maybe 10 minutes ago?” 

“The window in my bedroom is open” is Jill’s response, as she points to the window that is wide open and the closest to the group's outdoor patio furniture. 

“So what are you going to do about it?” Sophie now asks, obviously referring to the conversation that Jill overheard. 

“What am I supposed to do? She obviously doesn’t like me anymore and she is going to move to Real Madrid. I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear anything and continue being her friend” Jill responds, not understanding what they expect her to do when it seems clear that you were tired of waiting for her and the transfer to Madrid is all but confirmed. 

“You are so stupid Jilly, do you like her?” Lena asks, an expectant stare on her face. 

“Of course I like her, how couldn’t I? She’s literally the most incredible person I’ve ever met” 

“So you win her over, obviously. Make her feel like the offer from Real Madrid isn’t even worth her time” 

- 

You aren’t surprised when your friends allow you the space you clearly needed. You had hoped that Jill would at least message you to see why you aren’t with them today as she was the only one you hadn’t seen before you left but you expect that the others told her that you need time away and that she respected that. 

Your first contact with anyone from the group comes around mid-afternoon when Sophie calls you. 

“Hey Soph, what’s up?” 

“Would you want to go to dinner with me, just us two?” she asks. 

“Um you do know that I left all upset this morning because I like Jill right? So if you are asking me on a date I’m going to have to politely decline” you explain, confusion in your tone as all week she had been talking about the goalkeeper that she plays with in Madrid that she is crushing on. 

“No not like that (Y/N/N), I want to talk to you about your transfer to Madrid some more and I thought it would be nice to just talk one on one” she states, a loud laughter coming from her at the idea of you two ever going on a date. 

“Okay that sounds nice actually. Where should I meet you?” 

“We can go to the restaurant you’ve been wanting to try” she suggests, causing a smile to pull at your lips seeing as everyone had been refusing to go there with you all week. 

“That sounds perfect. What time are we meeting?” 

“Seven o'clock, don’t be late” Sophie speaks quickly, immediately hanging up the phone once she is done. 

- 

You arrive at the restaurant 5 minutes before the time Sophie stated, wanting to be early rather than late. 

“Hi, do you have a reservation?” the hostess asks politely. 

“I assume I do, it will either be under Sophie or (Y/N), just for two people” you explain, feeling a small bit of anxiety as she scans her list. 

“Yep all good! Just follow me” she states after a minute of looking. She begins leading you through the restaurant to a semi-secluded area that is in the corner of their outdoor patio overlooking the beach. You look at the table that she has stopped at noting the extremely romantic set up. “The other member of your party hasn’t arrived yet but feel free to browse the menu” 

“Um I’m sorry but are you sure this is the right table? I’m meant to be meeting my friend and all this is very romantic” you gesture at the tealight candles and rose petals that liter the table. 

“It’s the right table” you hear a voice that does not belong to the hostess, in fact you know exactly who it belongs to, you look up meeting the eyes of your best friend. 

“Jill? What are you doing here?” 

“Taking you out to dinner to return the favour of all those dinners you took me on this year” she answers with a cheekily smile. 

“You heard the conversation with Sophie and Lena this morning didn’t you?” you ask, semi-embarrassed that she heard you speaking about what you had assumed was your unrequited crush on her. 

“I did, and I think we should talk about it” 

You give her a look, urging her to speak first as clearly she already knows your thoughts on the matter. 

“(Y/N) I like you a lot, I know you have heard the rumours about me having a crush on you at the 2019 World Cup and they were very much true. I was so excited to move to Wolfsburg and have the opportunity to play alongside you, and when you did all those kind things to help me settle in I assumed they were just kind gestures and I didn’t want to confuse that for you having feelings for me too. Every single time we hung out in that way I so badly wanted to hope that you were actually flirting and that the dinners and time alone meant something but I didn’t because in my mind there is no way that someone like you could be interested in me. Honestly you should have seen national team camps, the entire time I would just be teased for speaking about you or messaging you but I wouldn’t want it any other way because I liked you a lot and I still do. So while I would be extremely proud of you if you moved to Real Madrid, I do have to ask if there is any way that we could sort out this situation and I could potentially sway you to stay at Wolfsburg” 

“Jill” you speak in a breathy tone, almost melting at her words. 

“Yes?”

“You are such an idiot” a look of hurt crosses Jill’s face, a feeling of pure rejection settling in her heart. You notice immediately, “such an idiot because we could have already been together by now and I probably wouldn’t have even looked at Real Madrid’s offer” 

“Am I too late then?” 

“I would say you are just in time” a smile tugs at your lips as Jill’s face softens, relief overcoming her as she knows she still has a chance with you.  

“So how heavily were you considering Real Madrid's offer? I don’t want to stop you from furthering your career” you can tell the sentiment is hard for her to get out, the dread that you are extremely interested in their offer and that you may still leave even though the feelings between you are now out in the open. 

“Not very heavily, I have a lot of good things going for me in Wolfsburg” you admit, the two of you now sitting staring at each other with goofy grins on your faces. 

#jill roord #jill roord x reader #jill roord imagine #woso #woso imagine #woso imagines #woso x reader #wolfsburg #vfl wolfsburg women #vfl wolfsburg frauen #nedwnt #netherlands wnt #oranje leeuwinnen

[kudosmyhero]

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (IDW) #30: Northampton - part 2

Read Date: May 30, 2023 Cover Date: January 2014 ● Story: Kevin Eastman ◦ Bobby Curnow ◦ Tom Waltz ● Script: Tom Waltz ● Art: Sophie Campbell ● Colors: Ronda Pattison ● Letters: Shawn Lee ● Editor: Bobby Curnow ●

**HERE BE SPOILERS: Skip ahead to the fan art/podcast to avoid spoilers

Reactions As I Read: ● in the Mirage story of Northampton, the narrative told is through April’s journal. Here, Michelangelo is writing to his friend Woody ● Alopex is such a great character

● ACK just when things were coming together! ● 👏👏👏👏👏

Synopsis: Michelangelo is writing a letter to his friend Woody back in New York City. Mikey lets Woody know that he and his brothers found Leonardo and then had to go into hiding to get away from the Shredder. Mikey explains that even though they went out of town to get away from trouble, trouble found them in the form of Alopex, who stowed away with them to get away from the Foot Clan too, which she has renounced. Mikey expresses worry for Leo.

Leo sits beside a stream, wishing their mother would appear to him again. Unbeknownst to Leo, Alopex watches him from the shadows. Raphael sneaks up on Alopex and leads her away to question her about what she's doing there. Alopex tells him she was trying to thank Leo for standing up for her when the others discovered her, but Raph doesn't believe it. Alopex says she doesn't care if Raph believes her, because she knows what Leo has gone through, she knows what its like to have Shredder in your head, twisting your thoughts and emotions.

Mikey continues his letter to Woody, telling him about Splinter's injuries at the hand of Shredder. Donnie has been tending to Splinter, and says the cut has healed nicely but he'll have to keep a close eye on the fracture. But Mikey knows the Shredder hurt Splinter more by turning Leo against him. Donatello is frustrated that he can't do anything about the Technodrome problem while they're living in April's parents' barn, and no one else understands his worries.

Leo is still walking through the woods by himself, dealing with the lingering effects of the brainwashing. He hallucinates a spectral version of the Shredder in the trees, causing him to cry out. At that moment, the Turtles' mother Tang Shen appears to him and calms him. Shen walks with Leo to a peaceful garden, one she has taken him to before. Shen asks Leo if he's found what he had lost. Leo tells her that he has his family back, but he is still unfamiliar with them. She tells him to proceed slowly, and not to let himself get overwhelmed. She tells him she is needed elsewhere and she vanishes, causing Leo to wake up. Donnie is standing over him trying to rouse him, but Leo stays calm, no longer so jumpy as a result of the brainwashing.

At April O'Neil's parents' house, April's mother Beth tells April and Casey Jones that her father, John, was part of a top-secret project when he worked at StockGen. John spent years working with a healing compound nicknamed ooze, when he began to have second thoughts about the ethical implications of StockGen's work. Unfortunately, John then had a stroke, which put any thought of the ooze out of John and Beth's minds. Beth tells April she wishes she had kept her away from StockGen, but John's injury compensation and April's internship put her worries out of her mind. Beth retrieve's John's old laptop with all of his notes from his work at StockGen and gives it to April, telling her maybe she can make sense of it.

Back in the woods, Donnie tells Leo he was talking in his sleep, saying something about their mother and ghosts. Leo says it felt like he was really speaking to their mother, not just dreaming, and Donnie must think he's crazy for saying that. Donnie tells him that six months ago, he would have, but after what they've seen, he's not sure. Donnie concedes that maybe what they're going through really is the result of some type of cosmic fate or destiny. Leo tells him he just feels like he's stuck in place, treading water. Donnie assures him that it's just the after-effects of the brainwashing, and it'll pass. Donnie asks Leo to come back to the barn with him so he can bounce ideas about the Technodrome off him. This time it's Leo's turn to reassure Donnie, telling him that if he tackles the problem one step at a time he'll succeed.

In the barn, Shen now appears before Splinter, although to her he will always be her husband Hamato Yoshi. Splinter is embarrassed, asking her not to look at him in his new rodent form. She tells him that the true essence of an individual lies within. Splinter tells her that he is worried he is a failure, having let Shredder take their eldest son and turn him against them. Shen points out that Leo has been returned to them, and although he suffered at the hand of the Foot, there is a force that outweighs all darkness: love.

Mikey finishes up his letter to Woody, telling him that although they're all hurting pretty bad, Mikey has an idea to help speed up the healing process. Mikey builds a campfire and begins roasting hot dogs, and Splinter and his brothers join him. Even Alopex is invited to sit with them.

However, high above in the night sky, Koya circles the campfire, reporting in to Oroku Karai that she has found Splinter and the Turtles.

(https://turtlepedia.fandom.com/wiki/Northampton,_part_2)

Fan Art: TMNT n.13 - Variant Cover by Claudia-SG

Accompanying Podcast: ● Shellheads - episode 62

#idw #idw comics #my idw read #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #comics #comic books #fan art #fanart #podcast recommendation #podcast rec #shellheads

[contraspectacle]

☿ KONTAKT 09.15.23 PLAYLIST

☿ thank you so much for your support — we hope you find some new music you love.

☿ please support artists on bandcamp. never have they had to work as hard as they do in current conditions.

☿ substitutions may be made for unavailable tracks/versions in the streaming playlist.

☿ next KONTAKT on 10/20/23 — we hope to see you there.

---

☿ 10:00PM (NON SERVIAM)

Marie Davidson ft. L'Oeil Nu - Renegade Breakdown

Marie Davidson ft. L'Oeil Nu - Renegade Breakdown (Jessy Lanza Remix) (mixed)

Love and Rockets - So Alive

Dildox - If I Die (Nonfiction Remix)

Micro Chip League (MCL) - New York (Razormaid Mix)

Angela - Painted Love

Multiple Man - Power Fantasy

Black Devil Disco Club - «H» Friend

Identified Patient ft. Sophie du Palais - The Drip

Riki - Come Inside

A Strange Wedding - Gimme Da Space Vox (mixed)

Siouxsie and the Banshees - Peek‐a‐Boo

Saâda Bonaire - You Could Be More As You Are

Pet Shop Boys - Love Comes Quickly (Shep Pettibone Mix)

Equinoxious - Axis

Portion Control - Amnesia

Spike Hellis - Teardrops (Moon 17 Remix)

My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult - The Devil Does Drugs

Patriarchy - The Man For You (Houses of Heaven Remix)

Curses - Puttanesca (Original Mix)

Madonna - Into The Groove (Shep Pettibone 7" Edit) (mixed)

Nuxx Vomica - Easy Go (Semantix Remix)

Nuxx Vomica - Easy Go

Amiture - Slide In (Model/Actriz Mix)

Venice Arms - Dancing Is a Stranger (Original Mix)

Sweet Love Under Tyranny ft. Sugar Rody - Route 87

Grace Jones - Love Is The Drug (Single Remix) (Roxy Music Cover)

Debby Friday - Hot Love (Boy Harsher Remix)

L.O.T.I.O.N. Multinational Corporation ft. Lulu - Cybernetic Super Lover

Kumo 99 - Tiny Twist

Missing Persons - Walking In LA (KMFDM Remix)

Sacred Skin - Circles

---

☿ 11:40PM (NECRO.MANTIS)

I Speak Machine - Bloodletting / The Vampire Song (Concrete Blonde Cover)

The KVB - Kiss Them For Me (Siouxsie Cover)

Pixel Grip - Club Mania

Audiobooks - The Doll

Madeline Goldstein - Death's Door

Visage - Fade To Grey (Lecomte de Brégeot / Violet Chachki Remix)

Foie Gras - Psychic Sobriety

---

☿ 12:00AM (NON SERVIAM)

Pet Shop Boys - A Man Could Get Arrested (7" Version)

Front 242 - Headhunter V 3.0

Technotronic - Pump Up The Jam (mixed)

Black Light Odyssey - Deiche

Digital Orgasm - Moog Eruption

Vodoo Rage - Fun Again

Sally Dige - Doppelgänger

Chernoburkv - Близнецы

---

☿ 12:30AM (INTERMISSION / PERFORMANCE)

Intermission: Leonard Cohen - You Want it Darker (Solomun Remix)

Performance: Crying Contest - You Want it Darker (Leonard Cohen Cover)

---

☿ 12:40AM (NON SERVIAM)

Ortrotasce - Mock Stranger

Silicodisco - No Body (Freudenthal Remix)

Kloq - You Never Know

Earth To Mickey - Brace & Bit

Yello - Vicious Games (12” Mix)

Cerrone - Supernature (Instrumental Climax Edit)

DAF - Der Mussolini (Giorgio Moroder & Denis Naidanow Remix) (antifash)

Locked Club - Edu V Egipet (mixed)

Boy Harsher - Tears

Boy Harsher - Tears (Minimal Violence Remix) (mixed)

Nuxx Vomica - Do It Twice

Xibling - Bulletproof

Marc Almond - Tears Run Rings (The La Magia Dance Mix)

TINI ft. Amiture - What If, Then What?

Talk Talk - Talk Talk (Extended Mix)

SDH (Semiotics Department of Heteronyms) - Talk In Dreams

Special Interest - Street Pulse Beat (Boy Harsher Remix)

Debby Friday - I GOT IT

¿LA PREGUNTA? - Trains

Kumo 99 - Gomi

More Ephemerol - Secrecy

Patriarchy - No Touch Torture (Spike Hellis ‘Fear’ Remix)

Leæther Strip - No Place Like Home

PVA - Sleek Form

Xibling - Warm Leatherette (The Normal Cover)

---

☿ 1:45AM (NECRO.MANTIS)

Pixel Grip - ALPHAPUSSY

Sex Kino - Scream In The City

ULTRA SUNN - Broken Monsters

Sydney Valette - Station Stop

---

(WRAP-UP)

Local Suicide ft. Curses - Whispering

The Nasty Boys - I Was Made For Lovin' You (Extended Version) (KISS Cover)

Peter Richard - Walking in the Neon (Club Mix)

---

☿ artgoth ☿

#artgoth #playlist #club night #ebm #new beat #new wave #synth #electroindustrial

[skyedestiny]

Quoth the Author: Our Next Book

Hello, everyone! I know I haven’t been here very much lately.  Well, in an effort to change that, I wanted to talk about a stream I’ve been running on Twitch lately, called Quoth The Author.  I run it on Sundays at 5 PM EST, and it’s sort of a book club.

For the longest time, I’ve wanted to get back to reading books, but it was always so hard to find the time and motivation.  In talking to some friends, I found out that we were in a very similar place in regards to that.  And if there are some of us like this there are actually bound to be a lot of us.

In Quoth the Author, I let the audience know about a book we’ll be starting in advance so that you can procure your own copy, if you’d like.  But it isn’t necessary as, during the stream, I will read a section of the story aloud.  From there, the goal is to discuss, together, about what we’ve read.

If this interests you, please stop in, using the link above! And if you’d like to catch up on the progress of our current book (The Midnight Library by Matt Haig), you can check out my youtube channel, where all previous episodes are posted.

But that’s not exactly what this post is about.  This post is about enlisting your help to pick the next book that we’ll cover! Below the cut, you’ll find the covers and blurbs of the five books we’re considering moving on to.  Please check them out and let me know in the replies (or the poll on facebook or twitter, depending on where you guys are coming from) which sounds the most intriguing to you.

The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon by Stephen King:

“Nine-year-old Trisha McFarland strays from the path while she and her recently divorced mother and brother take a hike along a branch of the Appalachian Trail. Lost for days, wandering farther and farther astray, Trisha has only her portable radio for comfort. A huge fan of Tom Gordon, a Boston Red Sox relief pitcher, she listens to baseball games and fantasizes that her hero will save her. Nature isn't her only adversary, though - something dangerous may be tracking Trisha through the dark woods.”

Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones:

“Sophie has the great misfortune of being the eldest of three daughters, destined to fail miserably should she ever leave home to seek her fate. But when she unwittingly attracts the ire of the Witch of the Waste, Sophie finds herself under a horrid spell that transforms her into an old lady. Her only chance at breaking it lies in the ever-moving castle in the hills: the Wizard Howl's castle. To untangle the enchantment, Sophie must handle the heartless Howl, strike a bargain with a fire demon, and meet the Witch of the Waste head-on. Along the way, she discovers that there's far more to Howl—and herself—than first meets the eye.”

Lightning by Dean Koontz:

“A storm struck on the night Laura Shane was born, and there was a strangeness about the weather that people would remember for years. But even more mysterious was the blond-haired stranger who appeared out of nowhere – the man who saved Laura from a fatal delivery. Years later – another bolt of lightning – and the stranger returned, again to save Laura from tragedy. Was he the guardian angel he seemed? The devil in disguise? Or the master of a haunting destiny beyond time and space?”

Skyward by Brandon Sanderson:

“Defeated, crushed, and driven almost to extinction, the remnants of the human race are trapped on a planet that is constantly attacked by mysterious alien starfighters. Spensa, a teenage girl living among them, longs to be a pilot. When she discovers the wreckage of an ancient ship, she realizes this dream might be possible—assuming she can repair the ship, navigate flight school, and (perhaps most importantly) persuade the strange machine to help her. Because this ship, uniquely, appears to have a soul.”

The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman:

“Nobody Owens, known to his friends as Bod, is a perfectly normal boy. Well, he would be perfectly normal if he didn't live in a graveyard, being raised and educated by ghosts, with a solitary guardian who belongs to neither the world of the living nor the world of the dead.

There are dangers and adventures for Bod in the graveyard: the strange and terrible menace of the Sleer; a gravestone entrance to a desert that leads to the city of ghouls; friendship with a witch, and so much more.

But it is in the land of the living that real danger lurks, for it is there that the man Jack lives and he has already killed Bod's family.”

Please make your selections, friends! I’m excited to be heading off on another literary journey with you!

#books #literature #writing #Quoth the Author #stream #twitch #book club #The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon #Stephen King #Howl's Moving Castle #Diana Wynne Jones #Lightning #Dean Koontz #Skyward #Brandon Sanderson #The Graveyard Book #Neil Gaiman

[katniss-elizabeth-chase]

dancing’s a dangerous game || sophiana oneshot

inspired by “cowboy like me” by taylor swift. it’s pretty much nothing like the song but inspirations due where inspirations due

word count - approximately 600 words

warning - implied homophobia including internalized also like one curse word but that’s probably inconsequential here-

reblogs! and likes appreciated

Head swirling with millions of possibilities of how this could go, I move through the sea of boys, my loose dress floating around my legs. Odd glances are cast at me, but I ignore them. If they cared, they shouldn’t even hope to date her much less even be here. 

Burying the huge mess of emotions welling up inside me, I search for her. I see the back of her head across the room. She is talking with a small group of boys near the refreshments. Her hands flitting occasionally towards her face. Her eyes. I slip towards her. I gently tap her shoulder and whisper, “Hey, Soph.”

She jumps slightly and turns toward me. She smiles then confusion enters her face. She takes my hand, and we walk away from the group. “Biana? Why are you here?”

I grin. “I figured you were needing an excuse to get away from all the talking with strangers.”

“Is that the only reason you barged into my winnowing gala?” She asks, amused. 

I notice how close we’re standing, and I swallow, feeling my throat constrict. “No.” I laughed softly. We are silent for a bit. “Care to dance?” I ask, hesitantly.

She looks around at all the guests. “I… I…”

“Don’t look at them. Do you want to dance with me?” 

“But… they might…” she trails off.

“What?”

She blushes furiously.

“Hey look! You’re matching your dress now!” 

She blushes even harder. “Sure, I’ll dance, but dancing’s a dangerous game when you have my feet.”

I laugh and pull us out onto the floor. Gracefully, we spin in time to nothing but the rhythm of our own hearts.

Well as gracefully as we can when one of us is Sophie Foster. 

I lean in and whisper in her ear. “You look good in red.”

Her cheeks turn another shade of brilliant pink.

As we spin, the world seems to melt away. I become aware of the fact that we are both breathing heavily, how close we are, how we seem to lean in closer to each other.

I stumble slightly. My happiness starts to crack. I wonder how this must look. Two girls of important status dancing together.

At a… winnowing gala…

I push down a small nervous sob and looked at her. Beautiful Sophie, who has made me feel things I was only supposed to feel for boys ever since I saw her. I feel the sides of my eyes tearing up.

“Biana? Are you okay?” Sophie asked softly.

“Yes.” I ignore the way my cheeks have turned wet. If Sophie didn’t care, neither did I. I smile and laugh softly.

Two hot glares broke my concentration, and I stumble. I see my parents. Shit, they must’ve seen me leave.

Breaking away, I stumble a couple steps away from her. My breathing starts to quicken. I try to calm myself, but I can’t. I turn away, towards my parents. 

“Wait…” Sophie grabs my hand.

My tears are streaming down my face this time, I turn back. Sophie tentatively cups my face in her hands, her fingers soft against my face. I don’t react, frozen from terror.

May I? She transmits. Almost imperceptibly, I nod. I want this, but I don’t-

She tiptoes up, and I lean down. A moment I had imagined for so long.

Our lips touch, and a torrent of emotions, wells up inside of me. I want this. Why couldn’t I? Why did I want this? I couldn’t have it. Desperation floods me, and I move closer to Sophie. 

No.

I can’t. I can’t have this. I jolt away from her. 

“I’m sorry.” A sob burbles out from somewhere deep inside me, and I vanish.

This is a dream… gone wrong…

A nightmare…

I run, invisible to all, and all I wish is that I had never seen her.

#look who’s bored and in the mood to post one of aer oneshots :o #“one of aer oneshots” as if i have more than three- #well technically i do in theory i just never find the time to write all my ideas down so i just leave the ideas to rot in a google doc #kotlc #kotlc biana #kotlc fanfic #biana vacker #sophie foster #keeper of the lost cities #kotlc sophie #sophiana #sobiana #sophie x biana #also the urge to improve your older work when you reread it- #i wanted to prolong the kiss scene a bit more and add a few more details to draw out the tension- #maybe i should write new fanfic instead of nitpicking my old stuff… #*confused scream*

[anitosoul]

My Favorite Albums of 2020

5. Soccer Mommy, color theory

Favorite Tracks: circle the drain | bloodstream | yellow is the color of her eyes

In 2018, I graduated from college and got my first job. I was living in Oklahoma City working a 9-5 as a research technician, and despite staying in my home state close to my university and hometown, I was excited to be fully independent in a new city. I soon began experiencing feelings of early 20’s existentialism—the fear that, as a funny tweet I saw mentioned, we go to work, buy coffee, and listen to podcasts until we die.

Soccer Mommy’s record Clean was in heavy rotation for me back then, but it’s color theory that truly captures the muted monotony of living a life where you do everything you’re supposed to but nothing you wanted to. It’s an album that represents the postgrad paradox: being tossed into the rest of your “adult life” without any of the community, friends, or events that the university environment provides while still feeling adolescent, inexperienced, and directionless.

Most people do what they’re “supposed” to do, aka get a job and move to their own apartment. Outside of the 9-5, though, life can exist as a giant void that would have previously been filled with socializing, studying, or partying. Some people swing towards pure optimization, filling the void with exercise, cooking, or even overtime at work, consuming themselves with the only thing that gives their life any direction. Others swing the opposite way, watching hours of streaming content or gaming, ordering daily takeout, doing drugs, or attending regular happy hours with their coworkers, once again allowing all their personal time to be consumed by the thing that’s supposed to give their life purpose. The worst part of it all is that the emptiness of postgrad life is supposed to bring fulfillment; after all, we spend basically our entire lives going to school for the moment where we graduate, get a job, and become productive members of society. It’s no surprise that everyone feels a pressure to act like they have their shit together, whether that’s on an Instagram story or an unexpected run-in at the bar or the gym. For me, looking towards the future and thinking that my life would be 40 years of that was terrifying.

Sophie Allison, frontwoman of Soccer Mommy, said that the colors in the album are blue, yellow, and grey representing sadness, anxiety, sickness, loss, and mortality. color theory takes those feelings and packages them into an album that feels like a drawn-out look in the mirror, referenced directly on the excellent opening track, “bloodstream”:

There’s a pale girl staring in the mirror back at me Wish it were just a dream, wish I could go back to sleep Why am I so blue? Someone’s talking in my forehead that says I’ll never be like you Happiness is like a firefly on summer evenings Feel it slipping through my fingers, but I can’t catch it in my hands - Soccer Mommy, “bloodstream”

I had many similar days, waking up and staring at myself in my bathroom mirror, knowing I was fully alive but not really living. I did what I was supposed to! I graduated, got an apartment, got a job. Everything was fine, but why did I feel like everything was so pointless? Is this really what I spent the past decade working towards? The song “bloodstream” feels like a slow buildup, like wanting to scream at your boss—you know you won’t actually do it, but one more unnecessary meeting and you might lose it. The final 30 seconds of “bloodstream” devolves into a fuzzy 90’s-esque guitar meltdown, representing the unraveling of controlled frustration at the world and yourself.

The album continues with arguably my favorite track of the year, “circle the drain.” What Allison does exceptionally well is lyrically capturing inner feelings of dread while sonically capturing the feelings that external factors (whether that be society, family, or peers) tell you you’re “supposed” to feel. “circle the drain” is, on its surface, an upbeat, early 2000s-revival Avril Lavigne pop tune. The lyrics, though, couldn’t be more explicit about the struggle of keeping up appearances when your mental health is deteriorating:

Trying to seem strong for my love, for my family and friends, but I’m so tired of faking Cause I’m chained to my bed when they’re gone, watching TV alone til my body starts aching I think there’s mold in my brain, spreading down all the way through my heart and my body Cause I cling to the dark of my room, and the days thin me out, or just burn me straight through Things feel that low sometimes, even when everything is fine Hey I’ve been falling apart these days, split open, watching my heart go around and around Round and around, circle the drain, I’m going down - Soccer Mommy, “circle the drain”

The idea of being your own worst enemy is a theme explored heavily on color theory. I’m surrounded by people who love me and everything in my life is fine right now, so why do I still feel so terrible? The ever present self-doubt manifests itself in ways that seem unsolvable, and Allison doesn’t attempt to provide an answer. Instead, she expresses the different mirrors she uses to perceive herself: she does this most poignantly in the flipped fantasy of “royal screw up,” where she portrays herself as both the princess and dragon desperately seeking but endlessly denying a lover’s affirmations and support.

You are a mirror Say I’m the fairest of all …’Cause I’m only looking for my skewed reflection in you And I want an answer to all my problems There’s not an answer I am the problem for me now and always - Soccer Mommy, “royal screw up”

A full confrontation of this inner darkness is characterized in “lucy,” which in some ways, could be considered an acceptance of the inescapable despair that exists in all of us:

Succumbing to evil, I thought I could never be I look in the mirror and the darkness looks back at me I can’t help the feeling that irks me That I’m falling down from heaven through the earth To hellfire, to wear his crown - Soccer Mommy, “lucy”

This has been an idea that I’ve struggled with a lot and is why I love this album so much. When I think about the ways I’ve hurt people and acted in ways that I feel are misaligned with my views of myself, the easy way out has been to view the “me” in that moment as a monster, the previously referenced dragon that destroys itself and everyone around it. However, I’ve come to terms with the fact that I am the dragon, accepting the pain I’ve caused as opposed to blaming it on an imagined alter ego, and committing to learning from past mistakes. color theory isn’t trying to make a prescriptive statement on mental health, overcoming problems, or becoming a better person. Allison portrays evil as ever present, always taunting us with doubt, and ultimately a part of us: it forces us to look into ourselves and stare into the eyes of the soul in the mirror, contemplating the multidimensionality that makes us human.

#aoty 2020 #aoty #albums #music #music writing #soccer mommy #colour theory #reflects

[supersoniquefestival]

Supersonique 2022 programme

La programmation de Supersonique 2022 est établie. Les horaires sont donnés à titre indicatif.

Supersonique 2022 program is now finalised!

Follow the stream on https://p-node.org (binaural stream)

> 12h interprète : Inés Be Mattia Parisse / Brulicautoma François Parra / Organocomique#2 Flore Silly / Flash 3 Camille Lacroix / Transformateur destiné à utiliser les petites énergies gaspillées Yun-Ju Ma / Vol des étoiles > 13h interprètes : Raphaële Dupire, Thomas Atienzar Jacques Boyer / A la dérive Ema Ferreira / Three Buchla Studies Laura Badie / Étude au brouillard Juliette Chartier / Cimetière spatial Sophie-Charlotte Gautier / Petite nature Michèle Bokanowski / Tabou > 14h interprètes : Giz Medium, Loreto Martinez Troncosco Fernando Curiel / Escenasonica Mélodie Duchesne / Tergiversations Bérangère Maximin / Off the Page Eliane Radigue / Biogenesis > 15h interprète : Isotta Trastevere Nicolas Jacquot / Diego Felipe Leon Ortega / Las palabras Andres Quezada / Asimetria Beatriz Ferreyra / La ba-balle du chien-chien à la mé-mère Loïc Guerineau / Prélude à l'Apocalypse de Pierre L'oreille interne / Joséphine Pom Bouvier-b / La fleur du bourdon : Fraction Marco Marini / Pardon > 16h Temps de découverte de la musique électroacoustique (par Pascal Gobin, Alain Aguilar, Franck Barriac) > 17h interprète : Philippe Petit Elżbieta Sikora / Rhapsody for the Death of a Republic Florine Mougel / A Brûle pourpoint Langham Research Centre / Terminal Voltage Traces Gabriel Prokofiev / Strange Blooms-IV - Cadence Laure Lang / EnvironMental > 18h interprète : Lundja Medjoub Seth Rozanoff / Surfaces Halim El-Dabh / Wire Recorder Piece + Leiyla and the Poet Sarah Procissi / Terra Santa Léa Thirion / The Rain Falling Through Our Minds With Glittering Pieces Leonardo Fabini / Pan en pasi > 19h interprète : Iris Kaufmann Aude Rabillon / Pour ne plus taire les jours où Nick Klein / Pfefferspray Sarah Ouazzani / Presque loup Johann Philippe / Chien ailé > 20h interprètes : Flore Silly, Loreto Martinez Troncoso Toru Takemitsu / Sky, Horse And Death Rheda M / موجة هيرتزعلى الطريق الحارقة Erik Avert / Louppe - A Gilded Eternity Delia Derbyshire / Falling, from The Dreams > 21h interprète : Samuel Bester Camille Gallice / Elsa Au miroir Duncan Pinhas / Météores Paolo Montella / Ossa Naujawanan Baidar / Simetry of Knives Valérie Vivancos / Summstein Giz Medium / Rovina-Rudero Eric Dode / Romanigro > 22h interprètes : Louise Balalas, Loïc Guerineau Hortense Gauthier / Poème-descente Francisco Meirino / Father a Still Life Mélanie Gentilhomme / Les coquelicots Jacques Brodier / Extrait du 'filtre de réalité' Aurélie Nyirabikali Lienman / Iota mikro Tyfen Guilloux / Tacet tacan Ond / The Tired Sound Of Coud iN the Brain > 23h interprètes : François Parra, Mélodie Duchesne Inès Bernard-Espina / Humus électrifié Monÿang / Vàha Nicola Cappelletti / Parataxe parallaxe Marco Dibeltulu / Il nastro di Möbius Hasan Hujairi / Hijaz Hildegard Westerkamp / Talking Rain

[sophieinwonderland]

Alyssa's List Of Many Things To Do With Your Tulpa

(Sophie's note: The following text is taken from a guide featured in the Tulpanomicon. It is not made by anyone in our system. Sources will be included in a reblog, since external links don't appear in tags. I'm just sharing it for any plurals, tulpas or otherwise, who might find it useful. Enjoy!)

By Alyssa Rose

As a general rule of thumb, you can do pretty much ANYTHING with your tulpa. Anything. But sometimes you just need ideas to get started! This list may be updated over time.

Wonderland

Explore the wonderland together! Try letting it generate on it's own without much of your own input.

Fight things together! Dragons, monsters, evil people!

Roleplay! Pretend you're bounty hunters, detectives, adventurers, anything you can think of!

Create a wonderland together with your tulpa!

Practice visualization, guides are your friend!

Parkour!

Watch wonderland TV! It can get pretty interesting.

Play wonderland video games! Try not to cheat (or cheat all the time.)

Try to guess what your tulpa/host has hidden in a box!

Drive and fly things you normally cant, like a jet!

Have a race!

Make something together in the wonderland, like a sculpture.

Work on your own form, or your tulpa's form.

Fight each-other.

Hide and seek!

Try out new weird clothes.

Try out different forms.

Use magic!

Try image streaming together! (Look up Linkzelda's image streaming guide.

Blow stuff up!

Play god.

Set things on fire.

Talk to NPCs! (wonderland people who aren't tulpas)

Pretend you're in your favorite game!

If you know how to switch, let your tulpa be the 'host' of the wonderland experience!

Meatspace

Switch! (or learn how to!)

Practice visual imposition, tactile imposition; or any kind of imposition. Guides are your friend!

Draw your tulpa/host! Let them tell you how they want to be drawn.

Make music together!

Listen to music together!

Watch a show/movie/video together! Discuss things about it after.

Play chess.

Play real-life videogames. The host/tulpa can watch and make suggestions, or maybe you can figure out how to add them to the experience!

Try out new hobbies together!

Let your tulpa talk online, such as on discord or on a forum! (Rolechat, if you're shy!)

Redecorate a room together!

Do chores, but together!

If you know how to possess, try fighting over a body part! Or try controlling half the body while the host controls the other, and see what you can and cannot do!

Take a walk together!

Read a book together! (This is good mindvoice training.)

Without switching, pretend to act like your tulpa/host. Let the other laugh at how bad you're doing.

Try to write down all the differences between you and your tulpa(s). This will start getting very hard!

Meditate together.

Try lucid dreaming!

Play DND with your tulpa/host.

Tulpas, yawn. Or even just say yawn. It should make your host yawn. Use your new found power for evil. (sorry, hosts.)

If you know how to switch, try sleeping while switched!

If you know how to switch, try a WPM test against your host!

Try taking separate IQ or EQ tests. See if it's any different!

Go hiking together!

Either

Have an intense debate about something!

Talk about ANYTHING that comes to mind. Anything. Even if it's dumb, like apples.

Eat/cook stuff!

Sleep!

Discuss old memories.

Make really dumb hypotheticals!

Try playing a board game together!

Swim!

Read/DM a choose your own adventure! In real life, it's as simple as finding Choose Your Own Adventure book, in the wonderland, let the tulpa/host narrate what they want to do, while the master of the game tells and visualizes what happens.

Play truth or dare!

Try to make each-other laugh.

Relax together.

Vent to each other.

Hug each other!

Massage each other!

Try yoga!

Play pool, even if you have no clue how.

Craft things together!

Spend time with animals! (like your pet, or cute wonderland rabbits!)

Have a contest of some kind! The possibilities are endless.

Practice your parallel processing.

Write things, like a poem or short story together!

Ask each other a bunch of questions!

Try a variety of different drinks together.

Cloudwatch/stargaze together!

#tulpas #actually endogenic #endogenic #tulpa #tulpamancy #endogenic system #plural #plurality #plural system #tulpa positivity #tulpa system #endo safe #plural positivity #actually plural #endo positivity #plural pride #pluralgang #wonderland #headspace #playing with headmates

[baeshijima]

to fill the void that is my lack of presence on the dash, imagine streamer!zhongli playing superliminal and having to just stop and have a deep talk with his chat about how you shoULD NOT !!! sign a contract without reading its contents after the mc had signed the in-game contract without reading it at the very start of the game

that deep chat lasted for a good 40 mins to an hour before he actually began his playthrough of superliminal, and his road to questioning the meaning of life and his perspective on life <////3

#sophie talks : streaming dreams #hey hey hey ur a queue-t !! #zhongli the life advisor on gOD #hksdjfhl nO BC HE WOULD BE SO FUNNY DURING THIS GAME #CHEESE??? BIG CHEESE????? THE WAY HE WOULD METAPHORICALLY SIT HIS CHAT DOWN BUT LITERALLY GO INTO THIS DEEP LIFE ADVICE KINDA THING ABT #READING BEFORE SIGNING THE CONTRACT AND NOT TRUSTING THINGS U CANT SEE #man his whole perspective would be completely and utterly fucked after playing through this game but it would be one of his favs i sweAR #omg but him or itto playing closing shift 😭😭

[imherongraystairstrash]

I’ve been thinking about this for a while, do you think Charles,Barbara, Eugenia and Anna were close? Anna maybe less because she’s closer in age to the merry thieves set and she probably ghosted Charles after the Ariadne engagement. Would you consider a fic of them all growing up, starting with them 4 as little kids and then slowly becoming teens and adults and then dealing with Barbara’s death. I think it would be a fun idea since nobody ever considers them to be a older merry thieves.

You can thank my social anxiety for this one bc I stress wrote it in school 🙃

TW: panic attacks, death

Title: When we were young

Characters: Barbara Lightwood, Anna Lightwood, Eugenia Lightwood, Cecily Lightwood, Gabriel Lightwood, Alexander Lightwood, Sophie Lightwood, Gideon Lightwood

Anna was sitting by the fire when Charles came into the room. She hated him. She truly did. But, somehow, at that moment, she felt strange. He looked at her and it took her many years back, to when they weren’t exactly friends, but  they were far from what they are now to each other.

…

“And that was how Consul Wentworth fixed the crisis of 1687.” Charles said with a satisfied smile to himself.

The Lightwood girls were his audience. Well, sort of. Eugenia’s cheek was resting on her fist, squishing the right side of her face as her lidded eyes approached shutting completely. Anna was slumped against Eugenia, her lips pressed together tightly and her eyes opened wide, staring at a fixed spot on the floor. Their luminous dark blue glittered in the witchlight, looking exquisitely uncanny. Barbara was mid-yawn, leaning on the leg of a sofa.

“Wow, Charles. Thanks for the history lesson.” Eugenia said, monotonously. It was evident that she’d inherited her mother’s sass from the day she was born, when Barbara had woken her up by exclaiming at the sight of her newborn sister, and Genie responded by pulling her sister’s hair.

“Oh, and in 1690-“

“NO!” All three Lightwood daughters shrieked.

“I’m still not done, though.” Said Charles.

“Yes, you are.” Eugenia said, standing up and settling the matter. “We are positively bored. There is absolutely nothing to do except listen to Charles talk about politics, and if those are the only two options, frankly, I’d rather be bored.” 

Charles crossed his arms. “Being an intellect is not boring.”

Little two year old Anna looked at him with one eyebrow raised. 

“I swear, Thomas is having a better time than we are,” Eugenia said glaring at to where their parents were, with the tiny, almost invisible baby nestled in Gideon’s arms, his fingers wrapped around Sophie's thumb. The parents were all laughing about something, which made Eugenia scowl even more. 

“To be an adult.” Barbara said, with a martyred sigh. 

“We needn’t be adults to have fun.” Charles said.

“I suppose you’re going to torture us with more political trivia.” 

“No,” Charles said. “I was going to suggest we go through the attic.” 

The girls looked up at this and Charles smirked, clearly proud of himself at having come up with a good idea. For once. 

“What is in the attic?” 

Charles shrugged. “I don’t know, but there’s probably strange and obscure things. There’s a lot of that kind of stuff in our house.” 

Barbara and Eugenia exchanged a look before the eldest Lightwood sister turned to him. 

“We shall go and discover this mysterious attic you speak of.”

…

“What could this even be?” Barbara said, holding up a loose gear-like contraption. 

“Papa sometimes builds things out of clockwork.” Charles said, sitting cross legged. “Or, he used to at least.” 

 “That’s…” 

Genie and Charles looked at Barbara as she trailed off.

“Nevermind, I have no comment.”

Charles nodded as though that was a common reaction people had in terms of his father’s experiments. 

They rummaged through boxes upon boxes, finding momentos they didn’t understand such as papers upon papers of things that said many difficult words. They could distinguish a couple of words such as “infernal” and “devices”, however there were many that made no sense to them.

“What is a Mortmain?” Asked Genie.

“I think it’s an undead horse or something along those lines,” said Charles.

“Oh,” said Eugenia. “That’s disgusting.”

“Quite,” agreed Barbara.

Anna was toddling around the room, giggling. She almost tripped over a loose floorboard, and would have, had Charles not reached out and grabbed a hold of the back of her dress. 

“This is too dangerous for a small child like Anna,” Barbara said, ever the mother-goose. “I shall take her downstairs before she hurts herself.” 

Anna protested at first, but acquiesced once Barbara bribed her with the promise of dessert.

…

“What are you doing here?” Anna asked.

He looked up, his green eyes meeting her blue ones. 

…

Charles remembered that day like it was just yesterday. 

He and Eugenia had stayed behind rifling through boxes, which wasn’t unwelcome, as Eugenia and Charles had an easy, lighthearted and, at times, profound, friendship. Despite their age gap, they enjoyed each other’s company, though neither could say why. Perhaps, it was simply because they mocked each other. Or perhaps, it was sometimes they would occasionally talk about things such as philosophy, and whether what they were seeing was true, or the world was just a figment of their imaginations. Or a mixture of the two; they’d never really discussed it. 

Eugenia surprised him when she said, “do you ever feel… different from your parents?” 

Charles furrowed his brows, “in what aspect?”

“Love.” 

“Have you a suitor?” Charles inquired, intrigued.

“No. Actually, that was my question. I find that, sometimes, I don’t only enjoy the idea of a male suitor, but perhaps, I also enjoy the company of a woman. Perhaps.” She pressed her lips together tightly, as if forcing herself to stop speaking.

Charles looked at her, his bright green eyes wide. “I-um-…”

“But I’m not sure, of course.” Eugenia blurted out. “It’s not as if shadowhunters are precisely fond of that particular preference or-“

“Do you really think they wouldn’t like it?” Charles asked, softly. “Do you believe they will reject those who are like that?” 

Eugenia looked down. “I’m afraid I’m most sure of it.”

Charles had then realized that he couldn’t have both. There was no way around it. 

He knew his parents were happy and that love made them complete. However, they didn’t have to choose. They could be married and the idea wouldn’t affect their respective occupations. Charles, on the other hand, couldn’t be Consul and have the kind of love he wanted. He almost resented them because of it. They were able to do what they loved and nobody forced them to pick between one or the other. 

It was unfair. So incredibly unfair.

“I guess you better get rid of your feelings towards women than.” He said simply, “unless you’re willing to let something as simple as love get in the way of your dreams.”

“Dreams?” Eugenia asked, looking confused and a tiny bit hurt. 

 But Charles got up to go back downstairs to his parents, aunts and uncles.

… 

Charles slumped down in a chair and dug his fingers into his hair.

“She was just here.” He said quietly. “Babs, was just here.”

Anna felt sudden rage. “You are not allowed to mourn her.” 

Charles looked up. “Just because you don’t like me doesn’t mean I can’t be sad. She was my cousin too. Perhaps not by blood, but she was still a cousin.” He pressed his lips together angrily and stared fixedly at the witchlight stone that was illuminating the room. 

Anna, however, couldn’t find it in her to be diplomatic; she got up and left the room. 

…

Anna had never seen Eugenia look this way. She was always put together, posh. But now, she looked hollow. Like a shell of who she used to be. Anna wanted to go up to her, to say something, but she felt lost for words. What did you tell someone who lost a dear sister? If Anna felt sorrow, she couldn’t imagine what Eugenia was feeling. 

Her head was tilted upwards, looking up at the pyre where the corpse of her sister lay. Tears were streaming down her face, rolling down her cheeks, throat and chest, leaving streaks on her face that looked like the roots of a tree.

Sophie had her arm around her daughter. The sight of the four of them was very strange. There was a gap missing where Barbara should have been. She suddenly felt a hand take hold of her own. She looked to her right and saw her mother looking straight ahead, squeezing her daughter’s hand. Her father was looking down, holding Alex. Her baby brother was one of the few who looked up at the cousin who’d taught him to play simple songs on the piano, and had always let him sleep in her arms on New Year's eve.  

She didn’t know what he must have been thinking now, staring up at the pyre. 

Though, to be fair, she didn’t quite know what to think herself, as she looked up at the cousin who’s life was cut far too short.

…

Eugenia’s body didn’t feel like her own. She hadn’t felt this body was her own for a while. Even since Augustus and the secret she’d kept to herself.

This was somehow worse. To be torn away from your best friend, whom you’d shared a room with almost your entire life. Eugenia didn’t know how to live in a world without Barbara. Sometimes, in the rare moments when she forgot about her sadness, she’d call her sister’s name, ready to tell her about what had happened in her novel. Or find herself walking to Barbara’s room without thinking and then staring blankly at the door that has remained shut ever since the day she passed away.

A couple of weeks ago, she’d found a letter Barbara had sent her when she’d been in Idris. It was in between her copy of Jane Eyre. She couldn’t bring herself to read it in its entirety, but she stared at the signature blankly. 

Suddenly, she got the urge to run. So she ran. That’s how, an hour later, she’d gotten a small tattoo under her ankle that said “Sincerely, your favorite sister Babs.” 

It felt right to have Bab’s signature there, we’re only she could see. It made her feel accompanied everywhere she went, even though nobody else could see. 

Now, looking up at the pyre, her face tight from tears she’d left to dry, her mother weeping silently, she could almost imagine that her sister was there, simply caught in a slumber and that she’d wake up at any moment and come tumbling down, throwing herself in Eugenia’s arms.

Any moment now, she thought when the pyre burst into flames. 

“Ave atque vale, Barbara Lightwood.” The crowd said at once.

Eugenia shook her head and swayed on her feet. Her breathing became heavy and her fingers began prickling. Suddenly, she couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t move. No nononono. 

She felt a hand on her shoulder, vaguely that it was her father’s. 

Not Barbara.

Not Babs.

“Calm down, Genie.”

Not her sister. Her sister couldn’t possibly be up there.

“Breathe Eugenia.”

She wanted to scream that she couldn’t, that she’d never breathe again, as long as her sister wasn’t breathing with her. Why did she have to live? She would have much preferred that Barbara live in her stead. 

The world was numb and fractured, never to be fixed again. 

…

(Don’t worry, Gideon was able to help Genie after the fic ends bc he’s the best dad)

Tagging: @tsccreatorsnet  @atla-lok143  @rinadragomir  @youngreckless  @autumnangel20  @julemmaes @cupcakesandkittens  @no-scones-allowed  @ninacarstairss  @stxr-thxif  @writeforjordelia  @icouldnotask @jordeliasupremacy  @cordelia-cardale  @will-effing-herondale  @axoloteca @heronstairs2014 @ilovemanicures @ti-bae-rius @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @readersconfessions812 @nightshade3465 @livvyheronstairs @zemiraa @proudtobealuthor @neurogliadudette @theenchanteddreamer @cheeseandmacarons

If you want to be on my tag list, or if you changed your url recently and your not in the tag list anymore, let me know! Also, if you want to be removed, send me a dm! I won’t be offended in the slightest :) Oh, and if you asked to be on the tag list and you’re not on it, please tell me (I’m very absentminded lol).

#tsc #tlh #eugenia lightwood #barbara lightwood #charles buford fairchild #gabriel lightwood #anna lightwood #cecily lightwood #cecily herondale #tlh fanfic #tlh fanfiction #the last hours #tid #sophie lightwood #gideon lightwood

[missymurphy1985]

Nobody's Perfect (part5)

Warning - smut (always)

Taglist Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @ntmynouis @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @noctvrnalmoth @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x

You'd spent the rest of that afternoon discussing your characters, and rehearsing your rewritten scenes together. The new dynamic working well for you both off screen and on, and both Steve and the Director Anto couldn't help but be impressed at the new found chemistry the two of you had together over the last week. James, the assistant director, had pulled Cillian away for a chat in his trailer, and he had a face like thunder when he came out afterwards.

"Hey... You okay?" You bumped into him as he was walking back to his trailer.

"I'm good." He squeezed your arm, but carried on walking away from you.

"James had a word then." Sophie's voice behind you startled you.

"About what?"

"There's rumours flying around - about the two of you, have you not heard them?"

"What rumours?"

"The two of you? Sleeping together?" You scoffed at her.

"God, don't be ridiculous Soph, he's nearly 20 years older than me for goodness sake..."

"Y/n... Just be careful. Okay?" You were stunned - what business was it of anyone's who you shared a bed with? You looked round to see if anyone was nearby, wanting to go to his trailer but there were cast and crew members everywhere. You headed to your own trailer instead.

"Sophie told me what James said Cill..." You texted him, sitting down on your sofa.

"Why can't I just be allowed to move on? Why is there always something that's standing in my way huh?" A quick reply.

"What do we do?"

"If he finds out we're together off camera it could cause you real problems y/n. He sees it as massively unprofessional.. thinks it'll affect the way we are together.. I think it's fucking bullshit personally, you're playing my wife for god's sake..."

"Not married yet Cill... That's next week's scene."

"We need to spend less time together off set.. we're clearly raising suspicions." Your heart lurched, but you knew what he said made sense. At least until filming finished next week, then it was no one's business what happened.

"Okay... Gonna be hard though.."

"Can't wait til I can see you again properly xx"

"Me too. I've seen Clara's wedding dress already, it's beautiful Cill xx"

"Not as beautiful as you will be in it xx"

"I'm heading back to Ireland for a couple of days in the morning - mam's birthday. I'll be back Sunday night xx"

"I'm heading to my sister's place in Liverpool tonight. Wish I could spend it with you though xx"

"Me too babe. Gonna be a long weekend without you xx"

The weekend was the longest you'd been apart since day one of filming, and it was just as difficult as you thought it would be. You'd tried not to bother him so he could spend time with his family, but he couldn't get enough of you. He'd send you photos of him and his brother drinking in Cork city, you replied with photos of you and your sister in Liverpool.

You were waiting onset, your hair pristine, makeup done, and the long, white, flowing dress fitted to perfection, even over the small 'bump' you were wearing underneath your dress - Clara was 5 months pregnant. You hadn't had chance to see Cillian since his return the night before - his flight back had been delayed and he didn't get in until nearly 3am. All you were waiting for was Paul Anderson, his character Arthur, was to walk you down the aisle, after your onscreen father had been killed off in an earlier episode. Paul came onset and couldn't take his eyes off you. He pulled you close for a gentle hug, earning a glare from your hair and makeup lady Jenny. He chuckled and pulled away, before leaning in to whisper in your ear.

"Cillian's a very lucky man, and I hope to god he realises that y/n." You pulled back sharply, shaking your head.

"There's nothing between me and Cill, Paul.." he winked at you and offered you his arm, ready to film the scene. Jenny came over to fix your veil over your head, covering your face. The main director, Anto, called Action, and the wedding march music played. The doors to the small newly built chapel opened and you and Arthur walked down the aisle. You could see Cillian in his navy blue suit at the end, his eyes on you. You could almost feel the emotion radiating from him.

You stood next to him, and he lifted the veil over your head. You could tell he was fighting Cillian, and trying to remain as Tommy, but he couldn't stop himself winking at you when he knew the camera wouldn't be on him, making you blush. His eyes also wandered down to the bump under your dress, and you could tell it was bringing back painful memories for him, but he held it together to get the scene done.

The scene complete, it was time for the cast to move onto the reception set. You were about to walk with everyone before an arm pulled you behind a curtain.

"Paul's covering me for 10minutes, y/n, I needed to see you..." His lips were on yours in seconds, as he pulled you down a small set of steps into a secluded backstage room. Locking the door behind him, he pulled you back to him quickly. You could feel how hard he was underneath the trousers and you gasped as he started to hitch your dress up your legs.

"Fuck.. Cillian we can't do this here..."

"We've got... 7 minutes.. yes we can..." He spun you round and leaned you over an amplifier, must've been a spare for the music they needed for the wedding scene. Lifting your dress over your hips, you heard him unzip his trousers and line himself up against you.

"No underwear?" He questioned.

"Tight fitting dress... Shit..." He pushed himself in and quickly built up a powerful rhythm. You'd gone on the pill after your little mishap earlier that month.

"Fuck.. you got tighter.."

He pounded into you, you had to cover your mouth to keep yourself quiet. Your much needed orgasm was building rapidly, as you heard him panting behind you, his hips snapping into you harder.

Before you knew it, you came hard over him, and he followed quickly with a deep groan - hot streams of cum flowing into you like a fountain. He pulled out slowly, and you felt a tissue between your legs as he cleaned you up - you couldn't risk a trace of anything being left on you before you did the next scenes. He zipped his trousers up and helped to pull your dress back down, checking both of you over to make sure you still looked as you did before, incredibly you did. He pulled you to stand, and adjusted the bump under your dress slightly.

"You look beautiful, y/n. You really do."

"You look so handsome in that suit Cill..." He kissed you, his hand lingering on the bump a little longer. You felt butterflies, you couldn't help it. Separating, you made your way to the next scene.

Walking into the set, you could see James eyeing you from the corner suspiciously. Cillian was already there, stood with Paul having their hair and makeup readjusted slightly for the new lighting. Jenny waved for you to come to her for the same thing. The penultimate scene for the cast and crew.

You and Cillian were wrapped up in each others arms that evening on the sofa in his hotel room, some cheesy 90s horror film on the TV, but neither of you really paying much attention to it.

"Babe, I think we need to talk..." He said, as he pulled back and you sat up, fingers still entwined with his as you played with the hard skin by his thumb nail.

"Sounds ominous..."

"Filming ends tomorrow... James has already threatened to go to the press about us if we don't stop this.."

"What are you saying, Cill?" You released his hand, preparing yourself for the worst.

"Y/n this is your dream.. and I can't be the one to end that for you.. but at the same time I can't be the one to end this either. I need to know what it is you want? The press will eat us alive - there's 20 years between us.."

"I want you." Not even a glimmer of doubt. "I've been thinking long and hard about this all weekend. If I have to choose Cillian, I choose you. Every time. I don't care about the tabloids."

"Your career -"

"My career means nothing if I don't have you beside me! Don't you want me?"

"Of course I want you, that's not even a question.."

"Then what's the issue? Steve is one of the nicest guys in the industry and he ADORES you.. surely he can't feel the same way as James? I'm sick of sneaking around, pretending like nothing is going on between us! I wanna shout it from the rooftops! I want to be with you properly, and if that means I take a beating from the tabloids then so be it. If it means I'm not in series 2, so be it. There will always be other stories, other roles - there will never be another you..." You leaned forward and captured his lips in yours. He returned the kiss, and pulled you into his lap.

"I'm falling for you.. in fact no, I've fallen for you. Completely. Seeing you in that dress, with the bump underneath.. even though you were Clara, all I saw was y/n. I saw everything. Our future - what could be. It terrifies me but excites the shit outta me at the same time."

"Cillian.. I love you. I've loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you."

"I love you. I'll sort this. Let me talk to Steve tomorrow. James clearly had this weird little power trip going on.. but I'll sort it. You'll be in series 2, I promise you that."

"Even if I'm not - "

"Y/n, I'm executive producer of series 2 - trust me, you'll be in it." You smiled.

"And the press?"

"Fuck the press."

"I'd rather fuck you?" He grinned and kissed you again. Deepening the kiss as you grinded your hips into his, that erection pushing into your core with each push.

"You coming to Ireland with me when we wrap up tomorrow?"

"Try and stop me."

#cillian smut #cillian x fem!reader #cillian murphy #cillian murphy x reader #cillian x smut

[kiloxy]

Dream Miracle Stream Recap:

Salty jokes about drop rates ofc. 

“It’s okay I have a mod for that.”-Dream (joking).

Silence from George. 

“Come on, you were supposed to laugh and now it’s awkward!”-Dream.

Dream gets knocked back by one of those nether slime things and he drowns in lava. 

Every time he dies he has to answer a question.

“Did you animate the streamy awards thing.” The answer is no, the streamy awards themselves did that to us... smh. 

All this time George is editing a thumbnail, and it’s kind of cute. 

George was lining up for a screenshot on the smp, and Callahan came on knocked him over lmaooo. We know this because he complains to Dream about it. 

“George is getting so frustrated over nothing.”-Dream laughing. 

GEORGE TWEETS THIS. AND DREAM REFUSES TO ANSWER, AND GEORGE INSISTS HE ANSWERS. 

“Did you ever have an emo phase.” Answer is no. 

Lots of gay tension and Sapnap is just chewing on a bottle cap. 

Sapnap singing the After Hours, by The Weeknd. (one of my fav songs).

Sapnap talking about how the fruit gummys he’s eating aren’t colored properly to their shapes. 

George sasses Dream about him not answering the question, Sapnap chimes in.... He’s so insistent omg. 

“All this loudness and for why?”-Sapnap when Dream screams.

“Haha I am a comedical genius.”-Also Sapnap. 

"Should we like cuddle or something I mean we might as well"-Sapnap.

They have a weird convo about honesty, and then keep bringing up honesty. They got smth they wanna tell us? (lookin at u Dream)

Sapnap is playing chess now. 

“Are we on Feraltwt or what?”-Sapnap. 

Dream begins to read out ask Dream’s, and the minute he said he would I knew it would be bad...

“Have you and Sapnap kissed?”-George. 

“That we have in fact, been making out every night.”-Sapnap.

George asks if Dream would wear a maid outfit... The answer is no bois srry. 

DREAM GETS SO MANY ENDER PEARLS IN A TRADE AND IT JUST KEEPS COMING.

“Part two to the investigation baby.”-George.

George gets mad at Dream when he spawns in gold to try and prove he’s not cheating. 

“They know you’re not cheating!”-George...He’s being super supportive also rightfully annoyed that Dream in hung up on this.

“Mods take notes get out the spreadsheets.”-Dream (George groaning in the background because same.)

“I am going to have nightmares about pearls.”-Dream (someone help this man, therapy please and this isn’t even a joke).

 Dream lets piglins trade for like two minutes to prove he isn’t cheating. 

"Take a deep breath, don't think about the pearls."-Dream trying to calm himself. 

“I’m not wrong, I’m a genius.”-Dream, the man, the myth, the legend. 

George asks Dream the “I need help with speedruns, what mod pack can I use?”

“Have you ever thought about adopting me?”-George :O

“You know what’s crazy about that?”-George.

“What?”-Dream.

“Nobody asked.”-George.

Dream then jumps in lava. 

Dream fake crying. “I need you to come hug me Sapnap.”

Dream and George, arguing all while Sapnap is just singing and jamming out. 

Them both interrupting George repeatedly, it’s so fucking funny. 

“Who’s your biggest inspiration?”-George.

“uh-”-Dream.

“is it me?!!? is it me!?”-George.

Then he asks who is if it’s a person apart of the Dream team. Dream says Bad. He just wants Dream to pick him lol. 

They meow to the tune of Sophie the first. 

"Throw her in a room, lock her in there and chain her up."-Dream about Patches cam.

“She would love me if I was there.”-George. 

Drista confirmed filmed the Mr.Beast reveal. 

Sapnap trying to befriend Patches :D 

“What, it’s over?”-George sadly, after Dream says it’s his last run. We all felt the same way, this was too short. 

Dream ends with a Q&A. 

#georgenotfound #dreamwastaken #sapnap #dream team #stream recap #dteam

[bisluthq]

I don’t like 1989 either, I don’t get the music industry’s obsession but jfc. It is truly not worth getting this unhinged about. Unless it’s for attention then go off I guess.

I mean it sure as shit isn’t because I give a fuck about any of this like who cares about Taylor Swift or her music dude like it’s some artist?

What am I meant to write when y’all ask me?

“This entire album is lyrically uninspired. It opens with a repetitive synthy song that is 2 years too late on gay marriage at the time of being penned, and just repeats itself over and over. Taylor Swift is not from New York, nor is she gay, nor should she have been this excited about any of this. The one interesting image in this song is the idea of broken hearts being in a drawer but Ms Swift does not expand on it because she’d rather sing about gay marriage - I suppose - and a city she has no discernible connection to but shortly after producing this song took a multi million dollar deal to promote. For clearer skin stream Empire State of Mind.

The album then proceeds into Blank Space which is Gd tier. It is hilarious as satire, it is incredible as a chaos anthem, it is witty. 10000/10. Outstanding.

Next, we have a song Taylor wrote from a track that reminded her of Daft Punk which had beaten her in the previous Grammys. She liked said track and with Max Martin proceeded to write lyrics that played on her ex fling’s name and an anachronistic haircut in order to sell it because she had “publicly sworn off dating” so she couldn’t exactly write on the name of a contemporary boyfriend so Harry Styles it was. As Sophie Turner would say, it’s not not a bop.

We then go into Out of The Woods which contains one of my favorite Taylor images - “we moved the furniture so we could dance” - unfortunately this is never expanded upon and the rest of the song is just her repeating herself. A pity because we came close. This too was written to track, unsurprisingly.

I do not want to talk about AYTHDWS which is a song where Taylor just yells and is somehow less hated by her fans than Stay Stay Stay from RED despite having the identical concept and clearly being inspired by similar fantasies. One is expressly framed as fantasy and so is hated and the other is supposedly about the time a teenager played her and so is Art. Keep up!

We get to Shake It Off. This is, as I’ve previously mentioned, a song so deeply uninspired and derivative that when it went to copyright court the defense was “hey hey hey you cannot copyright stupid!!” and I am on the defendant’s side because you cannot, in fact, copyright stupid. Weird hill for Taylor Swift to die on since she’s copyrighted her birth year and name and the term “Taylor’s Version” but since I don’t believe she should’ve been copyrighting that shit I am on her side in the trial.

IWYW is actually not a terrible song aside from being dull and repetitive. It is just ruined by fans figuring out who it’s about as though the song doesn’t clearly deal with a fantasy (ie the narrator is in her house and the person is driving around and shit). I’m gonna give this song 6.5/10 for objective reasons like it’s not terrible but -1/10 for what it inspired in her fandom.

Bad Blood is a fight club situation where we shouldn’t talk about it.

Wildest Dreams is a cute concept but the “standing in a nice dress” brings us back to the uninspired and unoriginal and frankly tired core theses and themes on the album. We could’ve had literally ANYTHING else here. Red dress? Black dress? White dress? That would be a better description than “nice dress” but we live in the darkest timeline so whatever.

HYGTG is actually peak camp I am actually gonna defend it - not because it’s clever or interesting but because people think this song, which rhymes rain and insane unironically, is an important klue for Taylor’s sexuality and I find that funny. Also rhyming rain with insane is funny.

This Love is a terribly written song which uses 8th grade imagery (THE SEA!!!!) and repeats the line “this love is good this love is bad”. It has no excuses since it started as a poem. It just shows that when she says, earlier in this album, that people say she has nothing in her brain they have stronger klues than Gaylors tbh.

I Know Places lives in the group chat with Style and OOTW and actually IWYW like it’s not horrifying like This Love but it’s very fucking repetitive. She described it as a fantasy and I do get her need for that so respect it but again have my personal thoughts marred by the fact that in fandom it is a klue even though the lady has said it’s not. If it is a klue, it’s a bad one because she did NOT appear to know many places in this era.

Clean is a decent song. I accept it.

Wonderland is an okay song only if it’s about her apartment. Again, camp. If it’s about Harry Styles ew like why are you in Wonderland with a child and if it’s about Dianna Agron why were you taking breaks for children? I belieb it is about her home and so I’m okay with it although I do not like it because once again it is very repetitive.

YAIL is very cute. Sad for Jack and Lena but what a cute song! I like it. Maybe not as much as Blank Space or the line in OOTW about the furniture but as much if not more than Clean.

New Romantics is adorable. Love friendship songs.”

Okay so those are my thoughts on the album. Thoughts on the era: fake, chaotic, unhealthy and over reliant on substances. A bad time and not something we should revisit. When we factor that in to how the music was underwhelming idk why we’d be tempted to. Idk why we’d watch her parade random models on stage and be like “🥺🥺 how fun” like said the narrator: “it was not fun, it was pathetic af and she knew it - she said she felt she had to do gimmicks because otherwise people wouldn’t come.”

Now my thoughts on the relationships that allegedly inspired it: Dianna and Skarsgard didn’t happen, Harry was unimportant, the “publicists call you” song might be Douglas but so fictionalized that like who cares if it hadn’t been him it’d have been someone else and like girl y were u still hung up on that ain’t shit Gyllenhaal chap? Ouch. I don’t want to think about that!!!!

In conclusion: let’s collectively pretend this era never happened.

As pop fans you are welcome to love the bops but then call her Saylor Twift or something because it sure as shit wasn’t indicative of the rest of her work or discography.

#nat talks 1989

[darlington-v]

guys was any other website like twitter or reddit like

arguing over the morality of dream and wilbur yesterday (or the day before ngl i dont remember) and also having posts voicing concern about like

dropped plotlines and characters??

IDK. KIND OF SUS THAT WILBUR?? JUST DECIDED TO COME ON PHILZA'S STREAM TODAY AND TALK ABOUT THAT? KINDA.. HMM

unless sophie or any other cc who is friends with him talked to him about it ig but

HMMM. IM JUST. HMMM.

TELLING US, LITERALLY THE SAME DAY PPL R VOICING CONCERNS ABOUT LIKE. DROPPED STORY LINES AND A LACK OF UPDATES ABOUT LORE, THAT HE HAS 12 STREAMS PLANNED?

TALKING ABOUT HOW EVERYONE IS GREY WHEN LIKE TWO DAYS AGO??? ONE DAY AGO?? THE DASHBOARD WAS LIKE LITERALLY HAVING A WAR OVER LIKE THE MORALITY OF C!DREAM AND C!WILBUR??? AND HE DIRECTLY TALKS ABOUT DREAM AND WILBUR APOLOGISTS.

HMMM.

#wilbur soot #dream smp #dsmp #mcyt #c!wilbur #c!wilbur soot #prince.txt #he is hiding #i know he is #where i do not know but if this conundrum didn't happen on any other website i Know

[1randomperson15]

This is an appreciation post for the creators I feel aren’t talked about enough; feel free to reblog with additions, whether it be for these creators or others you like. Please do, actually, I want to see some positivity in the notes.

Tommy

- He’s a constant for so many people; his friends can always rely on him to check on them

- If Wilbur is feeling down, or Dream got into drama, or someone just might be feeling bad, Tommy can be depended on to check in on them

- He’s also just generally very sweet, according to Puffy 

- He’d readily give advice to any of his friends; being the person Phil consults for thumbnails and titles

Quackity

- Quackity is law student, he has his own streams to do, and yet he will always make an effort to be on other people’s streams

- He puts a lot of effort into listening to us, and he puts a lot of effort into all his content, and it very much shows

Skeppy

- The man has given Bad 50k for no reason; and a bunch of 10k prizes for challenges

- He will get let Bad get away with just about anything; giving him a lot second chances for various challenges

- Skeppy is very thoughtful; as shown by his gift to Lya

- He’s very punctual, he will always make an effort to be on time

Bad

- Bad is the default emotional support for a lot his friends; he will always try to be there for them;

- Bad is very forgiving, he doesn’t hold grudges (as shown by his friendship with Skeppy, and his other infuriating friends)

- He is very kind to every dono, he tries his absolute best to help every person, even if he’s not sure how

- He will always give the benefit of the doubt, and he will always look at the positives of people

Techno

- He will make time to reply to people’s messages (according to Sophie)

- He is very enthusiastic and encouraging of his friends’ endeavors (as seen with Wil and his songs)

- Techno is very humble, and a good sport; he never complains much about losing

- He’s an encouraging person to all of his teammates, no matter their skill

I just really like to see creators recognized for the way they are or the things they do. You can just ramble, just talk about whatever things they do that make you happy.

#dsmp #mcyt #tommyinnit #Quackity #skeppy #badboyhalo #technoblade #my stuff