#sometimes you’ve gotta parent yourself yknow

[seimei-chsq]

i regret to inform you all that i just did ~30 minutes of basic beginner yoga and it did, in fact, help shut up the hobgoblin that lurks in my brain.

#don’t you hate it when participating in self care actually helps you feel better :/ #if you see this post and you’re not feeling great: #1) drink some cold water. add lemon or mint or cucumber or strawberry if you find plain water to be ‘meh’ on a sensory level #2) once again i regret to inform you that box breathing does in fact work. alternatively if you need something more intense #look up guided meditations for progressive muscle relaxation #3) stimulate your brain. it can be anything. anything! read or count backwards from 100 or go for a walk if you’re up for it #4) take a shower if you can. it really does work wonders on my anxious brain. if you can’t try wetting a warm towel with a little water #sometimes you’ve gotta parent yourself yknow #because something is better than nothing and progress is progress #you’ve got this! i believe in you! #yes this is Very cheesy but idc. cringe culture is dead i will never apologize for being earnest and sincere #rambles #not figure skating related

[flowercrowngods]

hello beautiful 💚 i just read the new part of who did this to you and you always deliver 🥰 super excited for part 4

i’m also here to ask if you have any tips for getting motivated to do things! if i remember you just moved to a new place right? i also moved to live on my own recently and i’m having a hard time not being a couch potato 🫠

hello lovely 🤍 i’m honestly so happy that you liked this recent part, because i feel it’s so different from the rest, i feel, so all the kindness y’all been throwing at me just. i’m so obsessed with yall 🥹🥰🤍

whoofie, that’s a tough one!! i did just move into a new place (and it’s been treating me so well honestly 🥹) and honestly i’m just so happy and excited that i get to just exist for myself yknow? i think that’s where i draw a lot of my motivation from — i was so afraid that once i lived alone i wouldn’t Get Shit Done anymore because i felt like a lot of the time i was Doing Things just so my roomie wouldn’t have to do them or so she’d not feel uncomfortable in her own home yknow?

but i found out that i love it when things are tidy, so i tidy tiny little spaces every few days. and i do it in bouts, yknow? don’t think “i’m gonna clean the flat today” and rather think “it’s been a while since i done laundry, so that’ll be my thing for the day” and then it’s so so bearable. or just go “i’ll give myself 20 minutes to take out trash and do the dishes” because most of the time it’s tiny things that will make such a difference.

like, your trinkets and knickknacks and those pens and those letters or whatever, they can stay where they are, they’re not bothering anyone. but that trash? collecting empty containers or wrappers for one minute will make you feel so much better, and it doesn’t take too much effort, because you’re not staring at all your space finding things that are out of place and need to be moved back to their place. you just see a wrapper here, a price tag there, a yogurt container over there on your desk.

and those are usually the things that weigh on you. the things that stare at you. trash, dishes and laundry. and no one in the world can tell you that you gotta do it all at the same time on the same day. and then sometimes, when you’re collecting the trash, you’ll find yourself picking up a knickknack here and a book there, a letter that needs to go with the others or that thing you’ve been meaning to mail.

and if you don’t, then that’s fine. but you will.

so i guess what motivates me is making all those tiny chores about making myself feel good. it’s self care, taking out that trash. it’s self care, washing those plates and cups. at least it’s self care when it’s done!

something else that helps me is being patient with myself and making plans. genuine plans of “tomorrow i’ll do this” — and not just because i don’t wanna do it today. but because i know that if i start my day tomorrow already improving my space, then that day is on its way to only getting better, and i’ve already accomplished things 🥰

the thing is a lot of us grow up in a world where we take out the trash because our parents tell us, we do the dishes because our roommates say it’s our turn, and we wash because we’re told we smell or whatever. it’s always external, that motivator. so maybe start by listening to yourself, lending an ear to that little voice inside of you that feels better about living in a clean(er) space. that little voice that loves the smell of laundry detergent. the one that’s proud of yourself for having done all those dishes because that really is an accomplishment.

listen to those little voices and then try to get them to come out more often; just for yourself. and then in time you’ll learn to find joy in just having done things. and personally i need that kind of joy, because i’m not someone who can enjoy the process. but i like taking care of myself; i like those little voices. 🥰🤍

and also?? personally, to-do lists help me. a little reminder that i’ve done things. maybe apps where you earn XP for having done things, gamified chores or whatever. they’re an immense help when i am in too deep a darkness that i can’t hear any happy voices. setting a timer helps. 30 minutes to Do Things. or maybe start with 3 minutes.

and also learn for yourself what’s most important to you when it comes to Doing Things, and learn to cater to that.

ah shit i rambled. is that any help at all? 😂 i hope it is hdhdhd mwah!! 🤍 (anyone else have any tips, drop them in the comments or tags 🥰🫶)

#there’s so much rambling happening here i decided to just highlight the key points hdhd sorry #bitchysunflower #hi friend ily 🤍🥰 #asks

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

I think I’m a lesbian and it’s been hard for me to because I used to think that I was going to marry a man when I was a little kid and I’m scared to come out to family and friends

Alright it’s like 10:08 pm and I have like, two tests tomorrow and am half asleep and probably should answer this when I am more awake and calmer but this ask really. Touched me bc I know how this feels.

I’m not a lesbian. I’m a bi trans dude, I spent a good part of my tween/teen years IDing as a sapphic bisexual girl/nonbinary person.

Anon, I don’t know you, but I’m gonna talk to you like a friend for a bit.

Discovering you’re gay is. A whole lot of things. It’s a whole lot of emotions. 

First, it’s fucking scary to find this out. Like, sometimes, you’re like, who am I? Who is this new part of myself? And suddenly you realise that you haven’t only been repressing you’re gay, you’ve been repressing, like, everything about yourself, everything about who you are.

And you’re scared you’re a new person but. You gotta take it slow. You gotta take it as it comes. Importantly, you gotta be safe, hide shit around people who will hurt you. But be yourself quietly. Sometimes the flood will break and like not to mix metaphors but you gotta let yourself bloom, okay, kiddo? You gotta let yourself bloom like a flower in spring and let everything unfold quietly in your heart. 

And like, you’ve got this perception of yoursrlf, right? Like when you were a kid, you knew you had to marry a man, and you built up this future, this one single path, and you fixed all your focus on it and now the paths crumbling before your eyes and like. It shakes you. It makes you feel like your world’s falling apart.

But that’s. That’s not true. There was a path that was determined for you by straight people, to marry a guy.

But here’s the thing. The secret to life. You, yes, you, can do whatever the fuck you want. And it’s figuring this out that changes your perspective and makes you infinitely happier.

Kiddo you can be yourself. You do not have to marry a man. There are a million other paths for you, yknow that? Just look away from the one determined for you for a moment and *see the fuckin world,* see these infinite possibilities, these infinite lives to live!!! Isn’t that fucking beautiful? Your whole life lays before you!!!!!

You don’t have to marry a man. You can marry a woman, or a nonbinary person! You don’t have to get married, you don’t have to be in a relationship if you don’t want to! 

I know the emphasis society places on female heterosexuality being the norm but like. I need you to understand, and this is crucial, that this is bullshit.

You do not need to date, have sex with, be attracted to, love, or marry men. Ever. At all. You don’t have to to even talk to them that much. 

Sometimes you just gotta look at society’s bullshit and say “no, fuck you actually,” and that’s how you gotta keep going.

And ohh God I know that fear kiddo. It’s really painful, isn’t it? It’s like there’s a bullet hole in your heart and it won’t ever stop bleeding

And I gotta tell you that no matter what happens with ya family and friends there will always, always, always be so so many people who will lvoe and support you. You’ve got a whole fuckin community here for you kid, you’ve got a history of people like you, you’ve got the lesbian community and the lgbtq+ community all over the world and we’re fighting for our, for your rights, for our and your safety and happiness and we fuckin love you, kid. 

First off, there is no need to come out if you don’t wanna. Take your time. No pressure. 

Second, be safe, alright? Find out their attitude towards gay people first, test the waters by mentioning gay celebrities. And also, if you’re a minor and financially dependent on your parents, if they’re homophobic DO NOT COME OUT. It can be mentally shit but your physical safety is important.

And last of all, I love you kiddo. Being a lesbian is, honestly, cool as fuck. You have any idea what an amazing community lies in wait for you? I’m not a lesbian, but I have a lot of lesbian friends, they are some of the most resilient comforting strong wonderful amazing people I have ever met. Lesbianism is so beautiful and sapphic relationships,,,the amount of love yall have for each other is so special and beautiful.

Anyways, you are strong and you are loved. I hope I could help kid. Love you.

#ask #anon #helping out a questioning person

[organic-guacamole]

episode 209 spoilers below

I'm so late today but here it is

I love EJ, he's finally learning to be happy. I'm so proud.

Ms Jenn = every boomer during zoom calls, like jeez yes we can hear you stop shouting at me.

LOVE THE SUBTLE JOKE ABOUT QUARANTINE "these dark times" "you mean spring break?"

ah yes, remember when we thought covid was just gonna give us a longer spring break? good times

SEBLOS

damn the passive aggressiveness from Carlos and the absolutely over it tone from seb✋

CASWELL COUSINS!!!!! THEY'RE THE BEST!!!!

we needed more if this kind of goofiness for the first part of season 2 that only such an iconic duo can provide.

old old movies-

is it even that old, or is Nini being a gen alpha rn-

i choose to imagine EJ being scared of the movie and hiding in Ashlyn's shoulder while she keeps a straight face and then EJ pretending to be tough afterwards

aww redlyn are soulmates.... yknow, if gingers had souls

(please ignore me)

y'all saw how EJ's face *lit up* when Gina logged on? how dare you tell me he doesn't like her

ofc she's no damsel in distress, she's Gina porter, she's amazing.

so do we think she'd be the type to just glare at suspicious people? or bark at them

do they not know that Rini broke up? or is Ms Jenn just wanting Nini to suffer through her heartbreak to make her a better actress....

speaking of, why is Nini in the call? she's not in the show anymore. Unless she is, even after the rose and the song got cut, which would be so unfair to all those that auditioned properly before she even came back but whatever, she's the main character I get it 🙄

big red is a hero honestly, Nini better thank him for changing the subject like that

I can't-

i won't work you over the break-

this woman would 100% work her kids 24/7 if it was legal and idk how to feel about it.

YES GINA USE THAT CHARM

QUEEN

FRENCH QUEEN

SHE LEARNT FROM THE BEST (antoine obvi)

smh the airport lady, eavesdropping on Gina's call.

The way she was so happy to answer EJ's call, "eej"

I love them your honour.

EJ WITH PAINTED NAILS YES PLEASE

great now we need to see Gina, Ashlyn and EJ having a complete spa day and EJ getting really into it and Gina and Ashlyn take pictures of him when he's laying down in a robe with a mask and cucumbers on his eyes.

finally we get to see Gina's side of portwell

the way she considered it as flirting, this is the sign she asked for in episode 6 come onnnnn

no is Asher/jack really doing tiktok dances in an airport-

Ricky is me. I am burrito.

oh Lynne, sweetie, I'm sorry but the blonde hair is not it

is that even the same lady or-

THE BEAN

THE CHICAGO BEAN

THE BIG OLD METAL BEAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY 😭

jetlag is my go to excuse for anything... I haven't travelled in 2 years.

"welcome to the Lynne and Mike gossip show. where we talk about our depressed son that we both neglect in certain ways! And now a word from our sponsor, Nord VPN..."

SO MANY CANDLES

WHAT DEMON IS LYNNE TRYING TO SUMMON IN HIS ROOM-

is Nina becoming social media obsessed EJ from season 1? AND SHE LIED ABOUT HAVING SONGS TOO PLEASE WHY ARW THEY RECYCLING THE SAME PLOT-

Gina smiling at the picture of her family on Instagram makes me so happy, idek why.

EJ's nails are so pretty, we needed to see it more (unless he had it on for the rest of the episode and I just.... didn't notice🧍🏽‍♀️)

oh not the tiktok kid✋

yes ma'am end this strange mans whole tiktok career

sir take a hint and leave

GINA NO DONT SAY YOUR LAST NAME HE COULD BE A HUMAN TRAFFICKER

Ricky, walking in style✨

weird kid, ok then Lynne, can't you see he's this close to the edge?

not all your fault baby Ricky, Nini sucks a bit more

RICKY YOU DIDN'T COME DOWN HARD ON THE SONG-

YOU ASKED WHAT IT WAS ABOUT AND SHE SHUT YOU DOWN-

PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF

ok but the deleting comment thing was very bad

still don't know if I like Jack honestly

hmmm so Nini's calling herself Nini instead of Nina in her little egg seat, while trying to write a song without inspiration.... Nini, honey, Ricky was your muse, he inspired you to write all those songs, even if it wasn't good for the relationship.

that doesn't mean you gotta get back with him, or that you can't write a song that not about him butttt it'll take some time

the rainbow sticker in her box and her rainbow shirt-

anyways wbk she's not totally straight

Jack are you a criminal?

quick, Gina, check his ankle for a tracker

THE YES AND PRACTICE STRIKES AGAIN

the way Gina wasn't into it in episode 6 but she's used the technique twice now

stole her grandma's Pomeranian-

Jack where the hell did you pull that out from-

the fake crying killed me, that looks like so much fun though

anyone wanna raid a first class lounge with me?

wait so is jack not gonna go in with her?

wouldn't he go in too? help look for the credit card? SO CONFUSED

the first class lounge guy was so into the drama though, watch his face when they start arguing 😭

sorry to break this to you Kourtney, but you haven't even blocked the second act yet soooo...

take that as you will

I love how all of them are totally dissing the dance off

that's the most realistic part of this show tbh

shouldn't Nini have asked how she knew....since the start? why is the fact that her best friend has knowledge of a North high secret now dawning on her...

Howie is sweet honestly, at least he's trying to help. but I stand with Kourtney, don't take him back just because he sang an amazing song, and is giving you a heads up on what's gonna happen...

KOURTNEY IS ME TRYING TO LEAVE AN ONLINE CLASS

I hate school

ooo Nini's writing a song about bad internet connection 🤩🤩🤩

I never lie, except when I do-

son that is the creepiest thing you could say to a stranger that you've been "helping"

2 truths and a lie👀

he's an Ariana fan 100%

called it.

OLDER BROTHER-

WHAT-

free spirit? damn so brother porter was in that horse movie

so has she been kissed or not?????????

I feel like she's moved more than 15 times though so possibly

but then if she's moved so much, and before east high she never opened up to anyone, she's never been kissed then?? damn

same though Gina so let's be besties please

heartbreak president is a great song title idea, give Nini a call rn

but wait

is the no strings attached feeling thing about her telling Ricky she liked him? she thought she was moving away so she thought it'd be no strings attached???

guys I think I figured it out insert the "I've connected two dots" meme

THE DUKE SWEATSHIRT

IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S

OMG I LOVE I LOVE

NOT THAT I KNOW OF???

ma'am did you just kill me

yes you did

Lynne and Ricky have such a weird relationship

YES IT DID SUCK

TODD SUCKS

LYNNE SUCKS

yeah I get that you wanted Ricky to like Todd BUT THAT WASN'T THE TIME

right so we already know that Ricky was so desperate to keep Nini cuz he didn't want to be like his parents, and now Lynne's talking about this-

Richard needs a long hug

yes Lynne, it is your fault. thank you for finally admitting it.

YES DYE YOUR HAIR

BLOND HIGHLIGHTS RICKY WILL RISE AGAIN

"sometimes the best, last thing you can do for someone you love, is let them go."

gotta admit I teared up at that point

not me thinking big red was calling ms Jenn cupcake for a hot second-

Carlos please omg, you're at the "beach" and they're leaving for the pool?

also, why not just do the call from the hotel room please omg

"don't ask me"

"Carlos"

OMG WHAT HAPPENED

big red wants the tea

O M G

SEB IS JEALOUS

JEALOUS SEBBY IS MY FAVOURITE THING IDC

I'm surprised ms Jenn knew how to give Nini permission to screenshare tbh

So lily's been stalking the East high kids and spending time editing this video while she's supposedly in an immersion trip.... right

EJ and Ashlyn's picture is so chaotic, what even is happening there

"slacking off" bestie its spring break, obviously they're confident enough that they'll get it done in time so why not focus on your own musical.

jealous seb = sassy seb

please what if those guys Carlos is posing with are his cousins or something and that's why he's so confused about Seb

6 YEAR OLD EJ I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM

Nini saying she's obsessed with her ex, that's not weird at all 👍

I can just tell Matt had a blast harassing Julia with those puppets.

Jack please dont be like that, "yet"

chances are you'll never see eachother again 🥰

(honestly sometimes I really miss those friends I made on trips and stuff when we'd spend the day or week together, only to never see them again....those were the good days though)

Ashlyn and Nini should write more songs..... something better than this one at least

Nini: "im good"

cue the Tia Mowry (please I can't spell) crying gif

oh I forgot Ricky was in the show for a hot second

1. where did Gina get to film this without people being around

2. did she just... randomly change her clothes???

ok but the transition between Carlos and EJ

*chefs kiss*

now everyone shut up, EJ's singing

oh i think I'm pregnant

HIS MUSCLES

YES KOURTNEY

I love how big red and Kourtney went from being "the best friends™" to the couple in season 1, to kinda close themselves and having their own plots

sebby makes me so happy

props to biggies editing skills honestly

PORTWELL BEING SIDE TO SIDE I CANT

AND SEBLOS OMG

big red lives for the drama

"wow" so true Ricky

no he is not cute, stop it

"holding" ok that's kinda cute

yeah EJ's a lucky guy😌

jokes aside, it's not that hard to exchange numbers-

keep in touch if you want

ok I really like Jack now

if he comes back in season 3, maybe have him be LGBTQ+ ?

like the only out characters they have rn are Seb and Carlos and they're like the sterotypes, yk?

I'd love to see jack kinda break the mold

Ricky's breaking my heart

that song just hurts

the only thing

now I don't hate Lynne????????

HOW DARE THEY WRITE IN A PROPER REDEMPTION ARC FOR HER

UGH IM SUPPOSED TO HATE HER FOREVER

I mean I don't live her now but she's good

but honestly

"mom can I show you something"

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL

THE PICTURE AND EVERYTHING OMG

I'm sobbing please help

Gina saying she's just waiting for the right guy and then EJ coming to the airport to pick her up late at night without her asking, offering to bring her back in the morning so she won't have to Uber, bringing her a granola bar (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE FORGOT TO PACK) and without expecting anything in return???

ms ma'am you've got a keeper right there

her smile at the end was so heartwarming I really can't.

this episode was great.

it felt really short but I liked it, great character development for Ricky, Lynne and Gina.

Cant wait for next episode to see more of EJ being the ideal boyfriend /hj

#hsmtmts #hsmtmts s2 #hsmtmts season 2 #hsmtmts spoilers #ej caswell #ricky bowen #gina porter #seblos #nini salazar roberts #jack hsmtmts #carlos rodriguez #seb mathew smith #kourtney greene #big red #ashlyn caswell #caswell cousins #portwell will be the death of me #guac's episode text blocks :)

[beelzebubisbestwaifu]

Flowers for my boys (pt 4)

Coffee/flower shop AU

Demons x reader - gender neutral, fluff, pining

The charm of Diavolo’s cafe comes from, admittedly, a variety of things. Be it the cute pastries, the way the foam on the coffee is always in perfect hearts, or perhaps it’s the eight (sometimes nine) cute demons who run the place. 

“Would you like more tea, my dear?” Lucifer hums, addressing a young woman sitting in the corner. Said woman and her friend giggle a bit, nervous in the presence of the eldest brother. Across the cafe, Satan cracks a witty joke about a book in the hands of a young college student. The young man responds with wide eyes, amazed that someone knew the obscure literature in his grasp. 

“The scones are great,” Beams Beelzebub, chatting with a young mother and her daughter, “But here, have a cake pop on the house! I’m testing a new recipe.” The ginger demon hands the young girl an adorable lilac colored cake pop, glittery sprinkles on the top. Big bright eyes beam up at Beel.

“Thank you mister!” 

“Honestly? I know some good sites for finding manga,” Levi hums, leaning on the counter and talking to three otaku customers. Regulars who know who to talk to for their anime and manga needs. The three young humans listen with intense fascination. Meanwhile, Belphegor approaches and hands a young goth their coffee. The two exchange an understanding nod, unspoken in their mutual respect. As the black-clad young person walks off, Belphie approaches his twin, making silly faces at the young girl from behind Beelzebub’s shoulder.

“Bleehhhhh,” Diavolo giggles, making faces at a baby outside. The parent watching in adoration as the handsome demon crosses his eyes and sticks his tongue out. Coos from the infant have long since replaced their previous wails. Of course, Diavolo has no idea how adorable it is that he can stop babies from crying. Lucifer is too scared to bring it up. 

“Nice necklace, ma’am,” Mammon hums, pouring the elderly woman a glass of water, “You’ve got good taste, I gotta admit it.” The lady grins, her cheeks rosy. She’d become a regular after her husband passed, finding the brothers (and Dio) to be like grandsons to her. Mammon always understands her heirlooms, bringing them in sometimes for appraisals. 

“Ugh, Darling!!” Asmodeus coos, holding the hand of a gorgeous young makeup artist, “Who does your nails, sweetie?? I’m dying to know.” The two chat about their shared love for finery and beauty. The young man’s blush not from the makeup at all as he receives the loving attention from the beautiful demon. 

Such is the natural day-to-day life of the cafe. Newcomers mix in with regulars, their faces and names remembered by the demons as they come and go. 

But today, as a beautiful body enters the empty cafe, the brothers lack the words to even address them. 

“Ah! (y/n)!” Diavolo greets, waving at the young human, “What brings you here?” 

“We don’t need flowers?” Mammon mumbles, genuinely confused as to why the lovely florist would visit them.

“Oh no...I’m... here to try the tea and snacks,” (y/n) blushes a bit, fiddling with the sleeves of their sweater. The hearts of the demons stop, their eyes darting to each other as if to dare them to try and take the attention of their crush. 

“Oh! Well then,” Diavolo approaches, gently offering his arm, “You can have the best spot in the cafe! Follow me dear.” Placing a hand on his arm, (y/n) giggles and follows him towards a beautiful two-person table in the reading nook of the cafe. The smell of old parchment and leather filling the air and mingling with the scent of coffee and tea. 

“Would you like a menu?” Lucifer, who’s been trailing behind, chimes in. 

“Um...” (y/n) hums, pressing a finger to their bottom lip in thought. The brothers stare at the spot where soft plush skin meets the soft pad of a finger. “Surprise me! I wanna know what you guys like.” The words barely register with the group, Mammon still staring at (y/n)’s mouth intensely. 

“Ah!! You heard em,” Lucifer huffs, herding his siblings off, “M o v e.” The demons scatter like ants, leaving Belphegor. The demon having already grabbed a glass of ice and a pitcher of water. Setting the glass down, Belphie smiles and fills (y/n)’s cup with crystal-clear water. 

“Hi Belphie,” Coos the florist, “You look lovely today, dear.” A slight blush ghosts over the youngest brother’s ears. 

“Thank you (y/n), you’re always so sweet to us,” Belphegor smiles and walks off, disappearing into the kitchen. Though the florist is so distracted by this, they havent noticed Asmodeus plop down across from them with a plate of samples. 

“Hello beautiful,” Asmo grins, taking a fork and skewering a piece of strawberry cheesecake and holding it up to (y/n)’s lips, “Say ‘ah’!” the human giggles, leaning forward and parting their lips , taking the cheesecake into their mouth and closing their eyes. Savoring the sweet flavor of the strawberry mixing in with the richness of the cheesecake. 

“Mmmm,” Hums the radiant human, opening their eyes and seeing the glowing face of Asmo, “So yummy!” The demon smiles back, picking up a chocolate covered strawberry and holding it up to (y/n). Said human takes a bite, lips stained by the pink juice from the sweet treat. The undying urge to kiss the human grips Asmodeus, his whole body tensing as he stares at (y/n)’s glistening lips. But he doesn’t know if such a kiss would be reciprocated, and given his reputation as Avatar of Lust it must be better to take things slow with his puppy-love crush. 

“My tuuuurrrrnnnn,” Huffs Levi, yanking Asmo out of the way and plopping down in his seat with a cup of bubble tea. The demon of lust grumbles and walks away, arms crossing. 

“Hi Levichan,” Coos (y/n), “What flavor is this?” A blush explodes on Levi’s face as he holds out the cup. 

“I-It’s black tea with a little bit of milk and t-tapioca pearls,” Leviathan blushes aggressively, “Classic bubble tea...yknow...” Looking away, the envious demon tries to find something, anything to look at that isn’t the most beautiful 3D entity he’s ever seen. But when a soft hand is placed over the two he’s got clasped around the cup, Levi snaps his gaze back to (y/n). The human has their hands placed over his, sipping from the bubble tea with a smile. Once they’ve pulled back, the human licks their lips and grins. 

“It’s delicious! Did you make this yourself?” (y/n) asks, watching with curious eyes. But the last few minutes have effectively fried the poor otaku’s brain, his face hot enough to cook an egg. Leviathan stands, leaving the cup and running away. (y/n) sits confused, sipping the tea and wondering if they had said something offensive. 

“Don’t mind him, dear,” Satan smiles, sitting down and placing a fresh croissant in front of the lovely human. Reaching over, the blonde places his hand over (y/n)’s, leaving their free hand to pick up and nibble on the croissant. The two sit in relative silence, Satan watching his “date” with big curious eyes. His thumb rubs over (y/n)’s soft skin, tracing little circles. 

“Mmmmm,” (y/n) smiles, licking their lips and winking, “All this stuff is so good! You guys are just so darn talented. I’m glad I’ve come to know you all.” A light blush dusts over Satan’s face, his heart fluttering at the sweet words of his sweet little love. 

“Satan,” Beelzebub walks up, a plate full of treats, “Mammon set the kitchen on fire.” Satan stands, racing off to the kitchen in a mild panic. The moutainous demon sits down in Satan’s place, a smile on his lips. 

“Oh my, is everything okay??” (y/n) squeaks, about to stand. Beel’s hand comes out and gently touches the florist’s hand. 

“Yeah. I lied about the fire,” Beel smiles, watching his “little snack” with a smile, “They’ll fall for anything.” (y/n) giggles, sitting down and addressing the pile of scones, cake pops, mini muffins, and tarts. 

“Do you make all this stuff?” They ask, picking up a small chocolate muffin and making quick work of it. 

“Mhm!” Beel grins, “I love food so... I learned to make it.” A light blush dances on the burly man’s cheeks. 

“Well I dunno if I can eat all this,” chuckles the human, “so how about I take a bite and you can have the rest?” 

“Okay!” Beelzebub grins, delighted at the fact that he can both eat and, more importantly, eat with (y/n). And so the human smiles, taking gentle bites of the snacks before handing the rest to their demonic friend. Said demon swallows the rest of the food item whole with a grin. Once the plate is empty, Beelzebub stands and collects the plates. 

“That was all so good, Beel!” (y/n) smiles, watching the demon wave shyly and walk away. The empty space doesn’t last long as Mammon sits down. “sitting” in this instance is defined as “aim lower body at chair and throw self”. 

“...hey,” Mammon blushes, handing over a mug of bubbling juice, “drink...I guess.”  the blush grows stronger as (y/n) raises the mug to their lips, tasting the bubbly apple juice. 

“Mm,” they hum, smiling widely, “Do you guys make this stuff yourself?” 

“Yeah,’ Mammon puffs up in pride, “I make it.” 

“Good,” (y/n) tilts their head with a sweet smile, “The taste reminds me of you.” That’s the last straw. Mammon’s face explodes in a blush, he slams a small box on the table and runs away, unable to handle any more. The startled human opens the box, revealing an enamel pin. The pin is a bottle of fizzy apple juice, the word ‘Mammon’s’ written on the label of the little bottle. A smile graces (y/n)’s lips as they attach the enamel pin to their jacket. 

“Hello, (y/l/n),” the silky smooth voice of Lucifer hums as he sits down, placing a latte in front of them. The creamy foam on top in an adorable heart with an arrow through it. 

“Oh my!” giggles the florist, “It’s beautiful, do you do this yourself?” The eldest brother nods, smiling. 

“Yes, I prefer black coffee but there’s something fun about doing these designs,” the demon’s crimson eyes dart around for a moment before resting on (y/n) once again, “go ahead, try it.” hands wrap around the cup, bringing it to the human’s lips and sipping the sweet coffee. Once (y/n) puts the cup back down, though, there’s a layer of foam on their upper lip. The eldest brother rests his elbows on the table, his chin in his hands as he stares in amusement. 

“What?” (y/n) giggles, not knowing why he’s staring. 

“Nothing, nothing. Just enjoying the view.” A blush coats (y/n)’s cheeks as they realize the foam is on their face. Lucifer holds up a napkin, gently dabbing away the foam and smiling. 

“S-sorry,” squeaks the cutie.

“No need to be.” 

“Lucifer,” Diavolo calls, “Could I get your help with something?” Lucifer stands, giving a small bow. 

“Have a lovely evening, dear.” Lucifer turns, walking off with a small flourish. The human smiles, sipping the various beverages on the table. 

“May I sit here?” Belphie’s voice cuts in, though he’s already sitting. 

“Um, sure?” (y/n) hums, smiling. The two sitting in comfortable silence with each other. 

“I brought you a brownie,” Belphegor smiles, handing over a small plate, “Beel taught me how to make them.” (y/n) smiles, eating the brownie with a smile. The sweet is actually pretty good. It melts in their mouth, the chocolate is dark and slightly bitter but still good. 

“Yum!” wiping their mouth, (y/n) gives Belphegor a sweet smile, “Thank you.” The demon nods, looking over as Diavolo approaches. 

“Could I talk to you, (y/n)?” Diavolo hums, offering his arm again. (y/n) casts a glance towards Belphie, waiting for the “go ahead” from him. A nod confirms that the beloved human is, indeed, allowed to leave. 

Holding onto Diavolo’s arm, (y/n) is led outside where the privacy is.

“(Y/n), Thank you,” Diavolo starts, blushing a bit, “You’ve made our work in the human realm so warm and comforting. We hardly even think it’s work sometimes. And I know your presence makes the brothers happy...and...it makes me happy.” The prince blushes, looking away shyly before pressing a kiss to (y/n)’s cheek. “Thank you for being around. You’re a great companion.” Diavolo turns, not waiting to listen for a reply, and walks into the shop. 

“Huh...” (y/n) presses their fingertips to their cheek, blushing and walking off to their car. A new bubbly feeling in their chest as they get ready to go home. 

Perhaps there’s more than one type of sweet to be had at Diavolo’s cafe. 

#Obey me #swd #shall we date #obey me swd #obey me x reader #Flowers for my boys

[bapyess1r]

Amphetamine

WARNINGS: cursing, age difference, fluff, angst

CHAPTER 9

Talia’s POV

“Tali… look at me.” He said as I spun around in the passenger seat of his boat. I avoided his gaze when he approached me. He stood between my legs and cupped my face with his large hands. “Baby, I-”

“I know… And I understand…. Doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.” I replied. I stared at the water a while before getting the courage to look him in the eyes. They shone rather brightly from the sun. He shot me a smile so handsome it made my heart wrench.

“You have so much here to keep yourself busy until I get back. You have the band at your disposal, you have classes to teach, you’ll have the keys to the house so you can use the punching bag in the backyard if you ever want to hit something…” he began to list all of the things to keep me busy and I took a deep breath to keep myself from crying. “I’ll be back before you know it. It’ll be like I never even left.” He said. I sighed, resting my hands on his wrists as he pulled my head to his.

“How long is this one?” I asked, nonchalantly.

“Two weeks at best. And if anything changes, you’ll be the first to know. Okay, sweetheart?” He said slowly, kissing my lips and then my temple. “Now let’s enjoy the rest of the day, hm?”

I remembered that day. Sam had gotten a call from his pal Chloe. I never met her but I remembered her from his stories. They were on a job in India. He agreed to do some recon and be her decoy for her in her search for Ganesh’s Tusk. When he told me about it, I couldn’t even imagine how a journey like that would go. I figured it had to be the most adrenaline fueling thing. I couldn’t wait until Sam would tell me I was ready to accompany him but I also didn’t want to die so I would stay behind and train my hardest until that day.

I had woken up earlier than usual. It was 7:00 am. We would usually jog around this time. The sun had barely come up yet so I put on my jogging gear and threw my hair up in a ponytail. I readied my iPod for running music when I noticed my Godfather sitting at the kitchen table, tapping away at his laptop. He smiled at me and I approached him with a hand on his shoulder. “You’re up early, Goddaughter.” He said placing his warm hand over mine.

“Usually am. Sam and I go running around this time. Just because he’s gone that doesn’t stop me.” I said with a slight frown, patting his shoulder. I leaned on the side of the table as we continued to chat.

“You’ve been hanging out with him a lot lately.” He said, continuing to write his report. I hadn’t really told my Godparents I had been seeing Sam in the romantic way. Not that I didn’t want to, it just never crossed my mind to tell when things got serious.

“Uh… yeah.” Was all I could muster.

“I hope he’s treating you right.” He said suddenly, surprising me. “I’ll kill him if he doesn’t.”

“You knew?” I laughed nervously.

“I’m on the force for a reason, Talia Alyssa. Just like I know you’re trying to train to go with him on his next job.” He told me, his eyes never leaving the screen. “I can’t say I’m too happy about it.”

“Well it’s not for you to decide. Matter of fact, I don’t think it’s any of your business-” I mumbled, fidgeting with the tangled earbuds in my hands.

“So what do you expect me to tell Dave and Delores if anything happens to you?” He said, glancing at me a moment. I flinched at the mention of my parents. “‘Oh uh hey Dave, your daughter- my Goddaughter is out traipsing the globe with an ex-convict, want me to tell her to send you a postcard?!’-”

“It’s too early for this bullshit…” I chuckled, shaking my head in an annoyed fashion as he tried to pick a fight. He was always like this. I was the apple of his eye until I did something he didn’t approve of. Then he’d berate me into years. He always knew just what to say to blow my mood. I tucked my earbuds and started to head for the door.

“We’re gonna have to talk about this some time, Talia!” He said running his fingers through his short sandy blonde hair.

“Yeah- well it doesn’t have to be now.” I said numbly, raising the volume on my music as I walked out the door. With that, I began to run.

I pushed myself during my morning workout, all the way to the hill where Sam and I would stop to watch the sunset. My Godfather had found a way to work my nerves again and I laid out on the grass to call the one who could soothe my restless mind. My mother. The phone rang and rang for a while. It was still early so she could’ve been sleeping still. But when she finally answered, I almost wanted to cry. “Mommy…” I choked. Hot tears ran down the sides of my face, mixing in with the sweat. I sobbed softly on my end.

“He did it again, huh?” I heard her sigh in annoyance. “I’m gonna have a talk with him because he’s been doing this far too often and I'm not okay with that.” She rambled. “What did he get all pissy about this time?”

“I fell for an older man and now I’m suddenly training to travel the world.” I blurted. I was afraid of how she’d react.

“How old is he?”

“42…” I mumbled.

“That’s not… awful. It’s a little older than I’d like but you’re approaching 30 in a few short years-”

“My thoughts exactly. And he’s ridiculously handsome and funny. And he’s so smart… he’s a historian slash….collector of antiquities….” I began to gush about him to her.

“A historian? Wow! Your tastes have certainly changed.”

“He’s not like the stuffy kind though. He’s… different… And I’m learning a lot really! He specializes in Pirates...”

“Well that’s good! And you’re traveling the world now?” She asked, sounding impressed.

“Not yet but I’m training for it…”

“You have to train to get on a airplane?” She asked and I chuckled. My mom was adorable.

“No, mama. His work requires a lot of scaling and… hiking…” I lied. I knew if I told her about the guns and such she’d disapprove. And I’d never hear the end of it. “I like to say I’m dating Indiana Jones.” I smirked. Just as I stood up to go home, the sun rose above the clouds, painting the skies orange and pink as I heard her positive laughter on the other end.

“Oh lord… When do you get to go?”

“When he declares me ready enough. He’s away on a job right now so I’m doing solo training in the meantime…” I began to start down hill.

“Where do you think you’ll go?” She asked me as I decided to walk home instead of run, to spend time on the phone with my mom. I told her everything about him. Laid it all out on the table. Even about his jail time. The short brief version that Sam had given me so she knew it wasn’t his fault.

I concluded my conversation with my mother at the docks where I had my morning smoke. “You’ll talk to dad about it right? I don’t want Godfather James to go blabbing to him about me dating an ex-convict half my age.” I said rolling my eyes.

“I’ll talk to him. We all know he’s been prone to spinning the truth a little…”

“Thank you!” I sighed in relief.

“So other than this situation… you’re okay?” As she spoke, I noticed The Morgan rocking gently on the waves as it was docked and smiled to myself.

“I can honestly tell you that I’ve never been happier.”

“Good. I’m glad. It’s been a long time coming.”

“Yeah it has… Well I gotta go now. I’ve got a lot to do today…”

“Alright, monkey. You need to call me more often. I don’t know what’s goin’ on down there, yknow? I love you.” She said in her motherly voice.

“I know. I love you too, ma. Talk to you later.”

With that, I hung up and started on my fresh pack of cigarettes. As I placed one between my lips and lit it, I received a voicemail from an unknown number. I furrowed my brows as I hit play and pressed and let it play out in my earphones.

“Hey, darlin’, it’s me…” it began and I ceased all movement. I could hear Sam’s raspy Boston accented voice loud and clear. “I miss you so so much and I wish you were here with me. You’d love it. The grass is green, the water is the clearest blue, and the flowers are...small and purple but uh… vibrant nonetheless.” His voice almost brought me to tears. I missed him so much. He’d only been gone a week but it felt like forever. “The job is going as planned. Might’ve hit a snag for a second but we pulled through.” He sounded tired. I hoped he was getting enough rest. “Now, just because I’m not there right now, I hope you’ve been training and taking care of yourself. Um….” I heard him blow a raspberry on the other end and I chuckled, finally taking a drag of my cigarette that had just been burning this whole time. I could just hear him smiling on the other end, wherever he was. “I can’t wait to get back to you… I’m gonna video call you tonight so be near your laptop, mmkay? I gotta go now. Um… take it easy, be safe driving if you go anywhere, have a good class if you’re teaching today, have a successful rehearsal….. aaand I’ll talk to you soon, sweetheart. Drake out!” I smiled to myself, cringing at the last bit. He could try so hard to be “cool” sometimes when he didn’t need to be. But I liked it. It made me laugh.

My day was dreary to say the least. I taught a kids ballet class and a teens hip hop class scheduled for this morning and this evening. It was hard to pay attention all day and it made classes a little rough today. I wasn’t on the ball. When I came home, I sat in my car to roll a blunt and smoke for a little bit. I stared at Sam’s empty house and sighed. I wanted him back home, that’s for sure. I missed his hugs, his voice, the corny jokes, and the way he smelled. Whilst I sat there, stoned out of my mind, I had a thought. I quickly tapped out the blunt and grabbed my dance bag before running to Sam’s. I let myself inside and I fought back a sob. Feeling embarrassed about it I made my way to his fridge and stole the bottle of scotch he was always drinking. I never saw the appeal in it but he always looked damn good drinking it. I popped the top off and took a sip before sealing it and placing it in my bag. Then I made my way to his room. It smelled like him. Cologne, cigarettes, and beer. I opened up his closet to browse his range of tee shirts and bold Hawaiian prints before my eyes landed on a black crew neck sweater and a dark plaid button down shirt. Immediately I snatched them and a random blue graphic tee off the hangers. “Well shit, hun. Maybe you do have some taste.” I said to myself. On my way out, I grabbed the blanket we used to wrap up in when we watched TV and one of his books from his shelf. The one I always tried to read when I came over but he would always scoop me in his arms and tell me how good I looked reading. Almost always ending up in sex so I could never continue. Smirking, I tucked the thick book under my arm and turned to leave.

That night after my shower, the first thing I put on was Sam’s plaid shirt. As I sat on my bed, I turned the TV on and dried my hair, setting up my laptop for Sam to call. I went downstairs to ask my Godmother if she needed any help with the kids but she told me she was fine so with a disappointed look I said my “okay” and returned upstairs with snacks to keep watching TV. I changed the channels a few times when I didn’t like what came on. That’s when I stopped on a channel playing Raiders of the Lost Ark. I chuckled as I grabbed my snacks from my mini fridge and the bottle of scotch. I was actually enjoying myself and for once didn’t feel like shit. That’s when I heard a ping from my laptop. It was a message from Sam.

Cap’nDrake: You awake, Princess?

I cackled at his username for a moment before responding.

Tali_Sc0res: Your username is ridiculous.

Cap’nDrake: Well I’m not changing it.

My laptop let out a little twitter as he requested a video call. Immediately, I got up to close my door and mute my TV. I adjusted my hair and let his shirt hang off my shoulder a bit before answering. Suddenly, he appeared on screen from his desk, his upper body covered by a thin white tank, reading glasses perched at the bridge of his nose, cigarette smoke exiting his nostrils as he ran his fingers through his wet hair. The scar above his eyebrow that always seemed to get reopened was covered by a bandage but other than that, he seemed fine. I smiled brightly as I watched him put away some maps and close up some books. “Heya, sweetheart!” He grinned warmly as he pulled the glasses from his face. I pouted a bit as he did so as he bit his lip, taking in my entire appearance. “My god, you look delicious- is that my shirt?!” He asked, narrowing his eyes to get a better look at me.

“Maybe.” I replied as I scrunch my face and take a large sip of scotch.

“You raided my house?” He chuckled, rubbing his hand across the stubble on his face. “That miserable, huh?” He could read me very well.

“Honestly… I think I’m handling you being gone pretty well. Today I just… My Godfather pissed me off early as hell in the morning and I really just wanted to be with you.” I sighed, thinking about the conversation I had with him this morning.

“What’s little Jimmy bitchin’ about now?” He didn’t sound worried one bit as he took a drag of his cigarette.

“He found out about us and he didn’t hesitate to tell me how much he didn’t like it.” I said, taking a long sip of scotch, the burn feeling much better than my current emotions.

“Aye aye! Take it easy, sister. That stuff’s not cheap.” He nagged through the screen. I chuckled through the bottle and put the cork back in it, sitting it on my nightstand next to me. “As for James,” he made a face acknowledging the pettiness of my Godfather. “Don’t let him get to you. He has a tendency to lash out when things don’t go his way. He’s a little bitch like that.” He said in an unconcerned tone.

“Trust me I know. We’ve butted heads almost all my life. He’d get mad if I was on the phone too long or if I wasn’t interested in something he was talking about…”

“Listen, I’m sure he means well.” He reached offscreen and brought a beer to his lips before placing it back down.

“He called you an ex-convict.” I told him and he burst into laughter. Literally loud and boisterous, slapping his knees and clapping. I chuckled to myself as he found amusement in my Godfather’s comment. He spoke when he finally calmed himself down enough.

“Jesus, James! Tell me how you really feel.” He giggled.

We continued to talk for a few and he told me all about what he’d seen in India. The landmarks, that statue work, the puzzles they found all over the place. He spoke of how he was leading Chloe’s competitor on a wild goose chase by lying that he was a Hoysala expert. Only he could get away with something like that. The mouth on that man was talented in more ways than one. Then he asked me how things were going on my side of the world. “I have a dance recital comin’ up. The kids get to show what they’ve learned then the other teachers and myself do a dance too.”

“Now we’re talkin’!” He beamed at me. “When?!”

“Would you even be back in time?” I sulked.

“Hey, now. Pick your head up, sweetheart.” He said. I lifted my head but took my gaze to a random corner of my room, giving an annoyed huff. “Look at me.” I tilted my head and brought my eyes to the screen. “I’m gonna be there.” He stated. “I’ll be sittin’ right in the front row so save my seat, sister!” He grinned. That made me feel good. That meant he might be home soon.

“I will.”

“Now, I can’t stay up with you for too much longer but would you do me the honor of granting this… poor old man a favor?” He said dramatically clutching his heart through his shirt. I gave a flirty smirk and adjusted myself to sitting back on my heels.

“What do you need?” I mewed.

“Would you sing for me?” He asked. It was such a pure request from him that I blushed, covering my cheeks with the long sleeves of the shirt.

“Really? You want me to sing?”

“If it’s not too much trouble, doll.” he looked at me longingly and I couldn’t stop myself from becoming a blushing mess. “Now I know it’s not selling out a stadium or anything but it’s one fan who’s really missed hearing your voice… Song of your choice of course.”

I rolled my eyes with a laugh as I reached next to my bed to pull my acoustic guitar from its case. Sitting the guitar in my lap, I thought long and hard about what to sing for him, briefly checking the tuning of the strings. Without much preparation, I began strumming the chords and plucking the strings to Strange Land by Niki. He sat back in his seat and closed his eyes, lighting another cigarette and taking his beer in hand to relax as my voice carried through the laptop.

Here for the nosedive

Whatever you need

And I'm savin' all the bold lines

I'll say 'em while you sleep

You're sleepin' on the wrong side

And I'm turnin' endlessly

Screamin' for my lifeline, lifeline, life

Ooh, continental drifter

Still, I'm the hero of my hometown

Now I'm all laid up with you, sentimental trickster

Maybe in another lifetime, lifetime, life (oh)...

“Wow… it’s almost like I’m hearing you sing for the first time all over again.” He said with a sentimental tone. He gave me a genuine smile.

“Goodnight, Sam…” I sang softly. He reached out to touch the screen for a moment and gave a small smile.

“Goodnight, sweetheart. I’ll be home soon…. I love you.” He said before terming the connection. My heart skipped as I stared at the black screen. ‘Did he really just say that to me?’ I thought with a smile as I put my guitar away. I spent the rest of watching Indiana Jones with a goofy look on my face.

#uncharted 4 #sam drake x reader smut #sam drake #samuel drake x reader #samuel drake #uncharted smut #uncharted #sam drake fanfiction #uncharted x reader #sam drake smut

[ryncorrect]

university!au: day6 jae

following my uni!au with young k (idk how to link my own post asbajdnskmd im Dumb) so here another one with jae lol i think im gonna make one for each one of them buttttttt no promise bc my brain works in a very mysterious way LOL

anyway leggo

warning: this is lame lmaooooo

name: park jaehyung / jae

major: politic science

other activities: guitarist (and sometimes vocalist) of university band, member of music club, founder and leader of LOL SQUAD

everyone knows that tall skinny guitarist of the band i mean he’s hard to ignore tbh

he always wears loose T-shirt, ripped jeans, a cap that he puts backward, and round big specs to campus

professors hate his ripped jeans but can’t really say anything because oh well style doesn’t define someone’s grades and boy, does this kid actually get some braincells in him

well i mean at least he never fails his classes

he has this giant LOLSQUAD badge on his backpack because he’s proud af of his title as the club founder and leader

he actually started that club so he could to brag about his gaming skill to everyone who wanted to listen but he ends up getting his ass handed to him every single time they play together smh

if he’s not in class or hanging out with his game buddies, he can be seen following that Popular Student™ kang younghyun or as jae prefers to call him, “brian” or “brIBRI” because they both joined music club and are in the band

yes yes he’s well known and easy to spot

but…

“jae? park jaehyung?? who???”

everyone refers to him as “that foreigner student”, “the American guy” or “the gamer guy”, or my favorite: “chicken little”

i will never let that joke die im sorry but seriously he looks like chicken when he plays his guitar on the stage don’t @ me

there are only like 5 students in the whole university who know his actual name

anyways in this scenario you’ve always been interested in playing guitar but haven’t gotten a chance to learn and your friend kim wonpil invites you to join music club so you’ll have friends to practice with

“you know our jaehyungie, right? he’s really chill, you’ll get along well with him!!”

deep inside you’re like

who the heck is jaehyung

but wonpil is so excited to have you there so the next week you come to the club meeting

you introduce yourself to everyone and finally you meet him

“ohmygod the chicken little!!”

“whO THE HECK ARE YOU CALLING THAT”

“sorry- i mean the chicken guitarist- wait no-”

he glares at you, you laugh instead

scaring the new member challenge: failed

but yeah you’d seen him performing before and honestly you almost decided to become his fan

a l m o s t

at first he (jokingly) refuses to teach you guitar because you called him chicken little

and since then you keep calling him that just to mess with him

“hi chicken little”

“what’s poppin chicken little”

“why do you look so flustered, chicken little? do i make you nervous??”

he turns red chicken little is now an angry bird “gO AWAY NEWBIE YOU’RE SO ANNOYING”

jae’s a foreigner but he speaks fluent korean

he tells you that even though he was born and grew up in america he always speaks the language with his parents

but of course since he lives abroad there are lots of words or slang he doesn’t know, so you gotta be an ass and slip some difficult words when you speak to him

he gets his revenge by replying to you in english

whenever you two are having an argument (usually over stupid things) everyone in the club suddenly gets headache

wtf they’re not even making any sense

besides music, jae is the most excited when talking about LOL or social topics because well his major

honestly idk much about politic science so cmiimw

one time someone asks for his opinion about social welfare and he ends up starting a sudden debate session with the said person about social welfare programs in south korea and america and the difference between both countries

you mention human rights and he sNAPS

i mean he gives a full 15 mins speech about it

“yknow what im sayin?”

“dude… i honestly don’t get it at all”

because he be speaking in full english like wat

he’s just so passionate about everything it’s almost adorable

a l m o s t

and it’s not only his passion but also his small eyes, his laugh, his voice, or the way he occasionally lifts his head to look at you while playing guitar and you smile and he smiles because you smile first shnshsbshs soft

even the corners of his lips are so cute wow

oh fuck im emo i love him

but you adore him just as a good friend

he’s always been bubbly and friendly with everyone, not just you, so yeah it’s really easy to fall for him but you assure yourself that you’re nOT

are we having “in denial” shit again omg im so uncreative

anyway fast forward it’s ur birthday!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYY

you decide to throw a small party at your place and invite 5 or 6 of your closest friends but damn on the d-day it rains so hard

if ur bday falls on winter then change it to snowing hard, if it’s spring then maybe there’s strong wind or something, whatever suits you fam lol

so no one comes to your party lol you are Sad

BUT THEN!!!! JAE SHOWS UP!!!!!

PARK JAEHYUNG

OUT OF ALL PEOPLE

no you didn’t invite him because idk

are we really that close??? ehhhh he probably won’t come anyway haha why bother

BUT!!!! HE SHOWS UP!!! IN FRONT OF YOUR DOOR!!!

he’s carrying an umbrella but it didn’t really help apparently because he’s soaking wet

imagine that view i mean nvm

“i happened to be near here and i remember it’s your birthday today so i think i’m gonna drop by to say hi and suddenly it’s raining too hard on the way but anyway happy birthday can you let me in first i’m cold”

ofc you let jae in i mean we can’t let the chicken catch the flu amirite

but you warn him that he’ll have to leave before 11 or your RA will kick you both out the dorm lol

after a towel, two cups of hot tea, and one shared piece of chocolate cake, you told him you were supposed to have a small party tonight but no one could make it because of the rain and he’s like “hOW DARE YOU HAVING A PARTY BUT NOT INVITING ME I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL” and you’re just like “lol shut up chicken here eat more cake”

anyways you two spend time joking and talking about random stuff and it’s probably not the best birthday ever but at least you don’t have to spend it alone and to be honest you’re happy that he’s here

then jae pulls out his ultimate weapon

i mean his guitar

he was soaking wet but the guitar is clean and dry and all fine like hoW EVEN

“priorities” -park jaehyung

he said he gonna play a song of your choice because he came empty handed and he feels bad about it

you blush and pick whatever song comes to your mind because you can’t really think of any, and he starts strumming his guitar and sings

and while he keeps looking at you, you find yourself too can’t take your eyes off him

the song ends and you’re about to clap your hands when he suddenly starts another one

wait you’ve never heard this song before

it’s a slow song and the lyrics are all like, the sky turns dark on the birthday of the brightest star so that it’ll be the only light in his world, how he feels regretful that he has nothing to give but his small heart, and he hopes that this lovely person will hold his hand as they listen to this song together, that this lovely person will feel warm beside him

guys just imagine the song okay i can’t Romance

it’s dead silent until you whisper, “is that… a song for me?”

jae’s face turns red and he starts panicking™ like “i made up the lyrics just now okay i know it’s fricking sappy and cheesy as hell okay i just uhhh want to cheer you up!!!! because you seem kinda down!!!!! let’s not talk about this again uGh WhatEvER leT Me LIvE!!!!!”

but you chuckle and thank him, it was the best present you can get from anyone

you two stare at each other for a second that feels like years and he finally breaks the silence, “you know,,, maybe i came here on purpose,,, maybe actually i want to see you,,,”

“and why is it?”

“because i think,,, i miss you,,, kinda”

and you don’t say this out loud but maybe you do know that

even if you say you’ll never

in fact you’ve already fallen for him a bit

or perhaps a lot

like a lot

then he leans in to kiss your lips and you kiss back and it’s almost not awkward at all, it just feels right as if you’ve kissed him million times before

a l m o s t

you two still blush real hard after

but yeah that’s how you two start dating

none of you two tell anyone about it but it’s pretty obvious, i mean jae always picks you up at your dorm, he walks with you to your class or vice versa (if your classes don’t overlap tho), you two keep stealing glances at each others, also—

jae with you: “hey,,,, come here sit with me u3u,,,,, did you have lunch??? oh i wrote a song last night check this out,,,, what are you gonna do this saturday? oml you’re so cute”

jae with everyone else: “HAHAHAHA FUCKING FUCK SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING PRICK ALSO BRIAN FUCKING KANG IF YOU STEAL MY FUCKING FRIES AGAIN I WILL LITERALLY SNAP YOUR FUCKING NECK”

welp actually he’s not always sweet with you, sometimes you two still argue about silly things using mixed languages but now everyone in the club knows better to just run away once it begins

because it’ll end up with you two fighting or you two kissing

yes im nasty and a disappointment bye

btw wonpil is excited af it’s almost like he’s dating you both

“it’s really nice seeing you two finally together!!!!!!! especially because jaehyung really couldn’t shut up about you ever since the first day you joined our music club”

“wait wha-”

“YOU SNAKE THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SECRET FUCK OFF”

I’m so in love with park jaehyung y'all hsnshsbsh aNYWAYS!!! 100 blocks limit has lifted from tumblr app AYEEEEE

#day6 #jae #park jaehyung #day6 imagines #day6 scenarios #day6 fanfic #day6 reactions #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #this is embarassing smh #bye

[ninatastic]

@kay-licious how dare u (thanks <3) @silent-calling youre doing amazing sweetie

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

I wouldnt call it a key factor but it’s important to feel attraction towards your partner

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

sure! If it’s a healthy one definitely :D

3. Are you a virgin?

nah 

4. Are you in a relationship?

yeh!

5. Are you in love?

I’d say so!

6. Are you single this year?

no

7. Can you commit to one person?

yes

8. Describe your crush

it me bf

9. Describe your perfect mate

same as above c: 

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

no, only when it comes to animals c;

11. Do you ever want to get married?

thats a dream of mine tbh

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

I guess every healthy person would say no but yes, I’d absolutely do (only the first time tho, after the second time you gotta ask yourself if it’s really worth it)

13. Do you get jealous easily?

in regard to my bf: I used to but it’s a hell of a lot less nowadays. In regard to people in general, sometimes, especially when im not doing well mentally

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

me bf

15. Do you have any piercings?

just have my ears pierced!

16. Do you have any tattoos?

no but maybe soon

17. Do you like kissing in public?

only if its sweet forehead or cheek kisses, or quick kisses on the mouth or hand kisses

20. Do you shower every day?

yes though I gotta admit I really have to force myself. Not because I like being stinky but because everything is kinda difficult sometimes

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

bruh I sure hope my bf does;;

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

nah

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

I’ve been in a relationship for 5 and a half years now, I think so

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

it is possible but who tf knows

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

idk, to be frank: I think my life would be a bit easier if I wasnt in a relationship, or if I hadnt been in a relationship for the past 1-2 years. And I often feel like im more of a burden to my bf than anything else. But thats a different story

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

as in losing touch with me? I guess so

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

a song yes and it was awkward as hell ajhajdfha and people have done drawings for me which is <3<3<3<3<3<<3<3<33

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

Yup

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

very very unfortunately yes, and just like a bunch of you guys I was this close to killing myself. I was in a very bad place which I know is not an excuse for this. I still think about it even if it’s been a time since then but I think I cqan never forgive myself because of that

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

often but im too much of a scared cat dsfskjf  idk though, I would love to be much more petite size wise

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

oh often

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

yeah;; I’m not exactly pretty or popular, so puberty was hard

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

hell yeah

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

:( no

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

yeh!!

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Yeah and it’s difficult to be normal then aaaaaahhhhhhh

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

some of my friends have a strong disliking towards my current bf but i dont know if you can call it hate

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yeah and it ruined me for a while

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

uuuuhh not really I think

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

whenever I write bday cards I always put a poem in it :D

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

hella

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

depends on how thirsty I am

43. How long was your longest relationship?

5 and a half years and counting

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

2-3

45. How many people did you kiss in 2011?

uuhh I was 14, no one 

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

HELLA

47. How old are you?

22 my dudes

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I#d try to play it cool because internally I’m panicking, someone help me

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

I love about my bf how you can ALWAYS count on him when shit gets down, even if he hasnt talked to a friend for a good while and they’re like “hey I need you”, he’ll be there in a sec Also that he is still able to surprise me

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

jsdfhsjdfks GO AWAY, I’d say while closing the door and shutting the blinds quicker than lightning

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

yeah, but that’s probably because I have bpd and depressions

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

yeah, I tried to help them on all occassions, so much that I ruined my own life partially and made myself sick. But whatever I did or said, they apparently want to suffer, so i gave up trying. 

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

yeah my abuser probably

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

unfortunately yes and fortunately yes

55. Share a relationship story.

uuuuuuhhhhh; I dont really know what to write here. Guess I’ll never forget when my bf held a kitten (which was only a week old) in his hands and he almost cried because he loved the baby so much. Haha, he was afraid of crushing it though because it was much smaller than the palms of his hands

56. State 8 facts about your body

I gained a lot of weight since last year which is why I avoid posting or taking pics, but according to everyone else you dont see it that much (?); my hair is getting its natural curliness back; I fucked up my knee so I’ll have knee surgery next year; I bruise easily; I have a shit ton of scars; I love my super green eyes; I have thicc thighs and if I’m very emotional I get red spots all over my body

57. Things you want to say to an ex

to my first ever bf: fuck u lmao to the second bf I had: I’m so sorry for everything and I hope that you found your place :)

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

uuuhhh be sweet and understanding, be funny, be somewhat smart, dont be a mean asshole and be nice to other people (especially kids) and animals and also be able to be fascinated by small things 

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

yikes

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

my current bf is 8 years older than me

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

how open and nice they are? Idk I always choose my ppl to hang out with according to this

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

even though I’m a switch I have a big preference for being the sub, so if someone can dominate me and yknow do stull like carry me princess style or something im all like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

everything that comes after kissing imo

64. What is your definition of cheating?

I think as soon as you try to pursue someone emotionally that already counts as cheating

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

kissing, grinding, I love when someone talks dirty to me

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

if it aint too much of a tmi i’d love to admit that we have a collar and a leash so (not thinking about pet play uughfjhjsdfkhsd, just yknow someone is able to drag me to them like this or being held in place while being taken from behind is p nice)

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

something something being outside in the nature and also good food 

68. What is your sexual orientation?

69. What turns you off?

super super wet kisses where also my nose somehow gets stuck in someone elses mouth Like dude r u a vacuum cleaner sdfhsdkjhfks

70. What turns you on?

being manhandled

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

idk I dont really have a lot of wet dreams and usually theyre not very kinky but rather sweet and slow 

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

I like dirty talk, so imma leave that open 

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

i love to get flowers, or lil stuff that reminds us of our friendship or something, self made/home made stuff is always !!!!!!!!!!!!

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

probably hands? I love it when girls have super slender hands and when boys have rough and big hands

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

I already answered that c:

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I have a few stories I’m proud of! But I really love this one: When I was little I grew up in a village in which like 300-400 people lived (maximum) and next to us lived this sweet older couple who always gave us sweets and vegetable for our parents, or they brought us stuff from when they went on vacation. The man is now constantly sick, he suffers from parkinson and you see the early statges of dementia setting in. A while ago he wanted to go and get the German version of fish and chips with his wife but due to him needing a ton of surgeriesw constantly he wasnt able to go out with his wife. When my mom told me this I was like wtf u cant just tell me this, I’m too soft. So I went and got fish and chips from the best market around us for him and flowers for his wife, despite the fact that I havent seen them in YEARS. When I arrived at their front door both of them hugged me and cried a bit

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

not bad if everything is consensual and if there’s a power balance thats equal 

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I think the leash thing is one of the kinkiest things we’ve ever done tbh

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

yesterday a bit when my bf went out wth friends and had a few beers while I was stuck at home with the thought that I can never have a beer again dkadfjahdf as stupid as that sounds but I always enjoyed these chill evenings with a beer and friends

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

this morning when I cuddled my cats :D

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

my bf and many videogame and anime characters, also my best female friend is hella attractive, also some of my friends are to die for

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

my bf!!

83. Who was your first kiss with?

my first bf sdfjsdfs

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

it didnt really work out, it seemed as he was more interested in saying “hey im in a relationship!” than in me, hah;;

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

yeah, sure

#ask #jeezus

[loghainmactir]

hewwo! i was wondering if u could pls give me some advice on starting my transition? ive been so scared to start bc of family and costs but ive decided to just. do it. yknow? like if i don't ill probably die lol. u look amazing and rly confident in yourself in all ur selfies and one day i wanna be Like That ✌️❤️

hi! ok, so first of all: yeah, i absolutely can give u advice, and second of all: i remember feeling exactly like you did. it literally wasn’t that long ago, either, it was like. 2013/14/15 (i can’t remember, time is fake, whatever lmao!). third of all: bless u yr so sweet. i still have a lotta issues with confidence (i doubt myself, my talent and what i can do literally hourly), but honestly? i love my body right now. it’s a good, genderless body, goddamnit.

long, long post ahead bc i’m trying to think of things i did and good god please take it with a grain of salt because a lot of this is just me ranting about things i wish I’D done in my own position. i’m also coming from a place where HRT and surgeries AREN’T free, so that’s also A Thing. everyone’s experience is different.

transitioning (particularly medically) really super fuckin varies country by country (and honestly probably even state by state, age by age and fuckin gender by gender because cis people won’t let us fucking BE goddamn): i don’t know where you are, so my only tips there r: find a trans friendly doctor/endo (i was kinda forced to go through a hospital bc That Was How It Was here in good ol’ Australia), and one people wholeheartedly recommend, if you wanna go that route.

my first point is make sure you find safe spaces in every goddamn aspect of your transition. medically, socially, physically. if you think your doctor is refusing you treatment or is discriminating against you, you NEED to ditch that doctor. if your friends and family are really verbally or physically violent against LGBT folks, you NEED to leave that space if you can (or not come out and wait until you can leave. seriously. i’m kinda lucky– my grandma was verbally violent against LGBT folks, and initially my mum was skepitcal, but i convinced them both to go to a group for LGBT+ parents and friends and they slowly turned around). get yourself friends, get yourself allies.

i cannot stress that enough. my first doctor refused to send my referral letter to the royal children’s hospital gender clinic because even tho he presented as a “nice” guy, he believed that because this was “”””out of the blue”””” for me, he figured he’d just Not Send It (and tried to tell me that a lotta kids there didn’t actually helpo, lol). so there i was, a young 15-16 year old alister, waiting like 2-3 months for something that didn’t even get fucking sent.

join trans groups on facebook and in real life. seriously, they’re a godsend; there’s buy-and-sells, advice posts, encouragement posts. ESPECIALLY local ones. most of them on facebook are private, meaning no one can see if you’re posting/in the group, and it’s easy to check if they’re not. these fb pages + local groups are good ways to find trans friendly spaces and doctors. i found my current doctor, who’s actually one of the very few doctors who knows what the fuck he’s on about re: trans people, through a real life trans group. they were like “oh, you should see x”, and even though he’s about 30-40 minutes away from me, he’s brilliant and honestly saved my life.

along those lines: figure out what you want from your transition, and then realize & accept that this may change (and it also may not change!). very early on, i was super insistent that i wanted phalloplasty and to wear packers, and now i couldn’t care less. at first, i identified as agender, and then as a trans guy/ftm, and now i identify as a Black Hole (i’m kidding, don’t @ me). like, a lotta people DON’T change their minds. but i did, some people do, and it shouldn’t be anyone’s business but your own what you want to do with your body 

(sidenote: this also goes for detransitioning or stopping medical transition but continuing to socially transition/present differently. literally, it’s fine. it’s your body. fuck anyone who says otherwise.)

again: FUCK ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE.

your body is literally your body. do NOT let anyone tell you what to do with it or who you are. i had people very early on scream at me (legitimately scream and throw me out of home, thanks grandma), tell me i wasn’t actually trans, and harrass me for this shit: but frankly, if i’d put myself back in the closet, i wouldn’t be alive right now. i would’ve killed myself years ago, and i wish i wasn’t kidding. if it’s safe, you need to stand up for your own body and your rights and put yourself somewhere that will allow you to follow through. you need to keep going and keep living.

my only other two pieces of advice are “patience, baby”– like, for real, every single part of transition takes time. this varies from where you are and who’s supporting you, but it’s generally true. it takes time for people to accept new names and pronouns 

(lotta people get furious about this, and i used to be one of those people, but hindsight’s a bitch and you gotta realize that… like, it’s hard for some cis people. you gotta give them a little bit of wiggle room, especially if they’ve never ever met a trans person before. it’s about reminders, reminders, reminders: which is SO hard if you’re not safe/don’t have the confidence. there IS a flip side to this though: if chad and stacey have known your new pronouns for months, now, and they keep “””slipping””” up, they’re not slipping up, honey. they’re doing it on purpose. kick their teeth in i’m kidding please don’t do this you know what i mean.)

it takes time for HRT to kick in. it takes time to gather a Look™ of your own you like, it takes time to build confidence to even tell people, it takes time to save up money for surgeries and it just… takes time. sometimes because it’s a naturally slow process, sometimes because cis people are Cis People and like to gatekeep. i remember being very young in my transition, sitting in the car after one of my appointments with the afformentioned shithead doctor bawling my eyes out because he’d told me i wouldn’t be able to access t for x amount of time and it was bullshit. this year i’ll be 2 years on t. wild, huh? there’s a lot of us and not equal amounts of resources (ESPECIALLY in public systems) depending on where you are, so you gotta be prepared to WAIT.

i’ll tell you what super helped me through those years: hyping myself up for other things! i still have the ticket from my first twenty one pilots show. that show meant SO much to me. i cried all through it, because waiting for that show kept my mind off of the wait for my royal children’s appointments (and even waiting to go up to melbourne bc my mum and i would go and get kebabs was a good thing to focus on!). keep things that aren’t trans related on hand (seriously i struggled with this because dysphoria and shit is fucking hard!! it’s easy to say but really fucking hard to put into practice).

(one day i’m gonna tell tyler and josh just how much they saved my goddamn life. i know they hear it weekly, but i will.)

my other thing is that uh. it won’t solve all your problems especially if you’ve got mental illnesses. this is a really fuckin depressing thing i had to drill into my brain, but it really helped. transitioning solved SO many of my issues. i no longer have back issues (thanks, like, literal kilo titties, lmao), i no longer have sore ribs and i can breathe and wear shirts. i lost so much weight (and am kinda gaining it back, but whatever). i no longer have anxiety about whether people can tell i’m binding– which is WILD because i used to stress the fuck out about it to the point where i never went out anywhere. i used to sit on the bus wondering if the person next to me could tell i had titties. now it literally doesn’t even register.

my issues now stem from PTSD, depression, BPD and ADHD. how do you fix this? you don’t. but what HAS helped is finding a therapist who won’t pressure you into talking about trans shit. lemme tell you: this shit gets exhausting after the fifth time of “oh i googled ‘can you become a boy’ when i was, like, nine” (this is my go to story because this memory is so vivid). of course, there’s gonna be moments where you HAVE to: my therapist recently actively asked me to briefly run through it for my PTSD report. but otherwise we literally haven’t talked about it and that is a GODSEND (because i don’t need it. if you need it, that’s good, too!). having a therapist that you can just wordvomit at wrt anything is literally the best thing and can be super helpful– seriously, there were a few trans-related sessions where i just snarled about the bullshit gatekeeping and the bastard i had to see for my therapist letter (oooh, every time i think abt the fact that it was something like $400-500 for two fucking sessions i get so mad lol), but outta 14 it’s really only like 2-3 of them.

but yeah. that’s it. i dunno, these are things that i’ve learnt and sorta… like to think as helpful for myself. of course, this could be different for you: you’re not me, you’re entirely different, in no doubt an entirely different country, social, financial, mental state. i was FUCKED UP when i first came out. i didn’t know that then, but i do now. i spent a lotta time by myself and that’s not healthy, so i really encourage you to reach out to our community, local and worldly, because oh my god, we’re here for you. we are SO here for you.

#long post #sorry if you need this formatted for ease of reading please shout at me. i really word vomited all over this #my transition #trans #anon #asks #iodk what else to tag this as

[ineffable-writings]

Not That Bad

Not That Bad - pt.2

Word count: 3469

Genre: fluff

~admin winter

You sigh as you continue stacking books in the shelves of the library

Stuck in the same routine for the past four months this was possibly the most boring job you've ever had

Not to mention the not so great staff, aside from the old ladies always offering you candy there was one other person your age and you don't know why but there has always been some kind of rivalry between the two of you

It didn't help that he was also your neighbor in your apartment complex

However as much as you would like to quit, you knew you couldn't you were broke and barely making rent

“Y/N!” You hear your name being shouted, a large contrast to the quiet room of high school students studying or reading books

Suddenly a hand is tightly gripped around your wrist

You look up to the intruder only to see Taeyong’s face

“You gotta pretend to be my girlfriend.” He says

dragging you towards the exit of the library

“woah, no I don't.” you protest dragging your heels across the carpeted floor to slow down his pace

“Yes you do.” he commands

You pull your arm out of his grasp forcefully

“What makes you think i would do that?”

He stressfully brushes his hair back “Listen, I told my parents I had a girlfriend so they would stop bugging me about it.. and so here you are.”

“And why couldn't be any other girl?” you ask annoyed

“I told them I met her at work when they asked and you're the only girl here that's not 30 or older.” he states

He wasn't wrong working at a library didn't really have its perks, you and Taeyong were the only teenagers working there

and being around book 24/7 isn't exactly ideal

You let out a sigh “Even so why would i help you?”

“Because if you don't i'll tell boss that those ‘sick days’ you too off you were actually in Florida.”

“You wouldn't!” you say in hopes that he's bluffing

he chuckles “You know I would.” he says already walking towards the bosses office

“Wait! No! I'll do it!” You say running up to him and grab his arm stopping him from walking any further

“Perfect.” he says shooting you a devilish grin

“Here's the deal, my parents are gonna try to drag you into stuff, Just say no. No to dinner, no to hanging out, just tell them you're busy.” he says and you can tell he's getting more and more stressed thinking about it  

“Don't worry I wouldn't wanna spend anymore time with you.” you scoff

he pushes you out of the door and you see a couple who looks to be in their late 40’s sitting on a bench

Taeyong grabs your hand interlocking his fingers with yours

“Just be believable.” he sighs

“Yeah right.” you mutter under your breath

He leads you towards his parents and his whole attitude suddenly changes almost as if he was scared

You brush it off however, it's probably just one of his weird mood swings you think

He stands in front of his parents your hand loosely being held by his

His parents look up to him “Oh! You must be Taeyong’s girlfriend!” they greet you excitedly standing up from their seat on the bench

“We were starting to think he was lying.” they say letting out a fake laugh

“Oh, well here I am.” you awkwardly say smiling at them

“What was your name, Taeyong refused to tell us anything about his girlfriend every time we asked about her.”

“My name is Y/N.” you say and let out a nervous chuckle

“You should come have lunch with u-”

“Well.” Taeyong interjects “Y/N really needs to go now she's a very busy girl.”

Taeyong’s mom huffed in disappointment

“Are you sure? What about dinner then? We haven't seen Taeyong ever have a close friend, and we haven't seen him in forever.”

You notice her face drop and can't help but to feel bad

“Well maybe I could drop by for just a little while.” You offer

You mentally curse yourself for being too nice sometimes

And you can tell Taeyong isn't happy due to his grip on your hand becoming painfully tight

“Are you sure don't you have some project to work on?” Taeyong asks

“Don't be silly.” His dad says “Don't worry we won't keep her for too long.”

“We should really go now, we got a lot of work to do.” Taeyong says already backing away from his parents

“Alright then, I guess we should head out too then.” his mom says in a disappointed tone

Taeyong turns around dragging you with him back into the library

As soon as the library doors close behind you two he drops your hand

“What the hell was that?!” He says gritting his teeth

“She just looked really upset I couldn't say no,not everyone is as rude as you yknow.”

“Whatever!” he spits out

“Don't let it happen again!”

“Okay I wo-”

“Also what kind of girlfriend are you?! Could you be a little more believable huh? My parents already think i'm a loser.” Taeyong says getting increasingly mad

“I’m seriously gonna tell boss if you don't make my parents more impressed, you probably can't even make a believable performance. I bet you haven't even had a boyfriend, this is really awful.”

You stare at him mouth agape in shock from his venomous words “You're wrong and I'll prove it!” you retort

Taeyong just scoffs and walks away to continue with his work

Who does he think he is you think to yourself and begin slamming the book back into their appropriate place creating a slight clanging noise

every time a book would hit the back of the bookshelf

“You wanna be quiet.” a random with his face stuffed in a bo says

“oh sorry.” you quietly say

as the work day nears its end a familiar rough grip on wrist returns once again dragging you to the exit of the library and towards his car

“Lets just get this over with.” he grunts

The car ride is silent and filled with an awkward tension, neither of you wanting to see each other outside of work

You pull up to a large, expensive looking house

“woahh.” you gasp

Taeyong rolls his eyes and gets out of his car dragging his feet towards the front door before knocking

You approach beside him slowly and then confidently interlock his hand with yours

He looks at you with an irritated face

“you said to be believable, do you not?” you ask smugly

Before he can comeback with a snarky comeback his mom opens the door only to urge you back out of the door followed by her husband

“We thought it'd be nice to go out and have dinner.”

“Oh that sounds like a great idea!” You say with the most sickeningly sweet voice you can muster

“Perfect we can all go in my car.” she chimes

Everyone shuffles into her car, you and Taeyong being stuck in the back seat

bickering quietly the whole ride

You get to a fancy restaurant you would never even think of going to with your paycheck

Everyone gets out of the car and you go to grab Taeyong’s hand making it your new goal to annoy Taeyong as much as possible

When you're seated at the table Taeyong tanks his hand out of yours giving you a dirty look and you only smile sweetly at him

“I love you too baby.” you say sarcastically

You look at the menu and your jaw drops at the prices “I can't afford this.” you whisper to taeyong

“And you think I can?” he asks

“My parents will pay anyways.”

“So how did you two end up together anyways?” Taeyong’s dad asks

“Uh well we uh” Taeyong stutters

“Well Tae and I just started talking at work one day and we got along really well, so he just asked me out one day.”

“Well that's not very exciting Taeyong.” his mom says

“Was it supposed to be?” he duly replies

“Well i thought it was cute.” you say and squeeze Taeyong’s shoulder

Taeyong’s dad speaks up again “So how is your law degree going?”

You notice as Taeyong tenses up

“I thought I said I wasn't doing that?”

“So you went for a medical degree then?” his mom questions

“I told y'all I want to dance..” Taeyong says quietly anger bubbling up in his voice

“And I think that's a great hobby sweet.” His mom replies “But what about a real job?” How are you goi-”

You cut her off “Well i think Taeyong could do it, he's really passionate about it so why not?”

Taeyong’s dad lets out a loud laugh

“You're kidding right? How do you expect to make a living?”

Taeyong stares his dad in the eyes

“I’m not gonna sit here and let you guys control my life.” he says coldly

“We’re just being practical.” His mom says

“Mmh I’m not sure if that's the best way to be though.” you say

“I know you're trying to be a supportive girlfriend, but I don't think you have anyplace to make out son’s life decisions.” his dad says trying not to get too angry with you

“I don't know if it's yours decision either, he's an adult is he not?” You scoff

Taeyong angrily stands up from his seat

“Cmon Y/N we're leaving.” he says grabbing your hand and leading you to the parking lot

Rain was now pouring down on the streets the sky an ugly grey color

Your hair and clothes are instantly soaked

“Wow this day couldn't get any worse could?”

Taeyong pulls you to a bench covered from the rain

“Well at least that's the last time we'll have to do that.” you chuckle trying to lighten the mood

No matter how much you and Taeyong fought, no one deserves to have their parents just shoot down their kid’s dreams or completely control their life

And for the first time you see his usually stone hard features soften

his eyes hooded and his bottom lip jutting out his face almost resembling a puppy

And you couldn't be positive but you could've sworn you saw a few tears escape his eyes mixing in with the rain dripping from his hair

“Thanks for that.” he mumbled lowering his head

You let out a stressed sigh and sink back into the bench

“Don't listen to them, I’m sure you can figure something out. Don't let me down though I didn't just yell at your parents and miss out on an expensive meal for nothing.”

Taeyong lets out a light hearted laugh

“Although I’d love to sit outside in the freezing rain all day, how are we gonna get home?” you ask

Taeyong looks around perplexed “uhhh we could walk?? It's not that far..”

You throw your head back and laugh hysterically “this is really ridiculous.”

“Cmon we can do it, or I could just leave you here to deal with my parents.” he says returning to his irritable self

“No thank you.” you reply standing up and begin following him down the sidewalk

your teeth chatter as the wind picks up your wet clothes and hair not helping the cause

Taeyong notices your shivering form “We're almost there.”

You finally get to the driveway of his parent’s home

and you're happy to see his their car isn't back yet

Taeyong walks to the front door lifting up a potted plant and retrieving a house key to unlock the door and lets you in

He leaves you standing in the doorway and you look around the huge house starting to aimlessly walk around

Suddenly there's a towel over your head and Taeyong is drying your hair he lifts the towel off of you to reveal you disheveled hair and dizzy expression and lets out a small giggle

“here.” he says handing you a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt

“It's gonna be too big on you, but I don't want you getting my car wet.”

He points down a hallway “Bathroom is the first door on the left.”

You saunter down the hallway and into the bathroom and change out of your wet clothes into the comfortable oversized clothes Taeyong lent you

You shove your wet clothes into a plastic bag you found in the bathroom and then exit the bathroom

Taeyong is standing in the living room and you see his face is a light shade of pink

“Ah I think you caught a cold.” you say concerned

“Huh?!No i'm fine.” he shakes his head

“Let's go.” he grabs his keys off the counter and you follow behind him

The car ride to your apartment complex is once again silent although this time instead of it being filled with unwanted tension it feels a lot more comfortable

It's as though you've discovered a whole new side of the boy you're usually fighting with all day long and maybe just maybe he isn't as bad as he seemed

You walk to your apartments only speaking before you part ways

“See you at work.” you say

“I guess so.” he mutters

You enter your apartment and lay on your couch

What a confusing guy you think

•••••

You wake up the next day to the sun peering through your window

You roll off the couch you fell asleep on and make yourself breakfast and eat before hopping in the shower

Once you're ready for work you leave your apartment and start your short walk to work

It's no different from any other day when you arrive

 pick up trash, organize books, email people to notify them their books are late

But there was one thing missing, Taeyong, and if this were any other day you'd be celebrating but after seeing the rough state his parents left him in yesterday you couldn't help but to be a little worried for the boy

He doesn't show up at all that day and you go about your day increasingly getting stressed

But no you shouldn't care, it's none of your business, he's probably just sleeping as he usually does

••••

The next day at work he is there, but that only makes you more worried

You notice dark circles under his eyes and his usually styled hair was now messy and tangled

“You get hit by a bus?” you joke

“You wanna shut up?” He angrily retorts and you instantly back up giving him his space

“You okay?” you ask only to get no reply you go back to your work and don't speak to him the rest of the day

••••

The next day is better, he looks less tired and sick and more of his usual grumpy self

The two of you actually manage to hold a mature conversation

And actually the rest of the week went on like that

The two of yalls fighting slowly dying down to playful banter

You would say things were going pretty great that is until one day Taeyong comes up to as your putting books in their respective places

his firm grip on your hand telling you there's something wrong but his playful smirk said otherwise

I bet you I can stock this cart of books before you can stock yours

You hum in contemplation “and what do i get if i win.”

“It's a surprise.” he says

“and if you win?”

“It's a surprise.”

“Whatever i'll win anyways.” you say confidently

“Ready,Set,GO!” Taeyong says quickly slurring his words together

Before you're even halfway through putting the books up Taeyong returns to you with a proud grin plastered on his face

“ChEaTEr!” you exclaim in disbelief

“I bet you and you lost so now you have to do it!”

“Woah what? what's it?”

“Go to this wedding with me so my parents don't yell at me even more.” he pleads

“What? I thought we were done with that.” You question

“So did i.” he bluntly replies

“I really can't.”

“Do I need to go tell boss about your little vacation?”

“You know I can barely afford rent, why do you do this to me?!”

“So i'll take that as a yes? Be ready by 3:00 tomorrow, wear something nice.” he smirks and walks into the break room

Giving you zero time to reply

••••

3:00 Tomorrow rolls around far too soon and here you are in front of Taeyong’s door wearing a fancy dress you had to borrow from a friend and heels that you weren't even sure you would make it down the hallway in your long hair was pulled up in a low side bun and you had on too much makeup for your liking

You contemplate whether you should knock or just turn back around

but before you can decide a very stressed Taeyong opens his door dressed in a fancy suit his long white hair pushed back neatly showing off his sharp features

Your face heats up seeing the attractive boy but you brush it off when you hear him release a shaky breath

“You okay?” you ask him

“Yea it's fine, let's s just say my family isn't exactly proud of me.”

The two of you walk towards his car and drive to the park where the wedding will be held

When you arrive He gets out of the car and quickly makes his way over to your side of the car and opens the door for you

You notice his tense form and uneven breathing

“I'll hold you hand till it's over?” you offer

Instead of replying he comfortably slips his hand into yours and his body relaxes

You walk into the wedding sitting in the isle next to his parents

“Hello.” his mom greets with annoyance hidden in her voice

You only give her a small awakened smile in response and Taeyong doesn't even bother acknowledging her.

You and Taeyong sit through the boring wedding passing remarks about the bride and groom under your breath chuckling lightly every now and then earning yourselves some disappointed glances from the other guests around you

When it's finally over you're forced to go to the after party as Taeyong’s supposed girlfriend

him awkwardly introducing you to family members when they asked

“So how's college going?” someone asks

and you feel Taeyong's body stiffen and you can practically feel the anger radiating off of him

you give his hand a reassuring squeeze

“It's fine.” he lies giving off a fake smile before abruptly leaving the lady behind

“We need to leave, i can't do this.”

Taeyong says frantically searching for his keys

You get to the car and he quickly drives back home, his hand not leaving yours the entire time

When you arrive at the apartment complex you're about to part ways with him but he just drags you along into his apartment

Tears spill from his eyes the moment he closes the door

“I have to leave tomorrow, my parents won't let me stay here.”

“What?!”

“They're making me move in with them and get a degree that will be “useful in the real world.” and until then I won't be working at the library or living here anymore.”

“That's not okay, they can't force you to do that.”

“Well actually they pay for like everything, and I'd probably be dead if it weren't for them honestly” he says sniffing

His tall strong demeanor suddenly seems so weak and frail as he falls onto your shoulder lazily swinging his arms around you

“Cmon lets go sit down.” you say trying not to collapse from his dead weight on you

You drag him to the couch and rub his back soothingly until eventually he falls asleep

You lay him down placing a pillow under his head and finding a blanket to drape over his body

You quietly leave his apartment and enter yours finally freeing yourself of that restricting outfit

That night you didn't get much sleep instead thoughts of the white haired boy were running through your mind

When did we get so close you think

I think I like him… No i really like him

You get out of your bed dressed in the oversized sweatshirt Taeyong gave you and a pair of Nike shorts your hair was messily strewn about your face

It was four in the morning but you didn't care so you urgently knock on Taeyong's door and are surprised when it opens rather quickly

“I just came to say goodbye..” You sadly say and he doesn’t engulfs you in a giant hug

“I don't know when it happened, but I love you.” He mumbles into your hair

#lee taeyong #taeyong scenarios #taeyong fanfic #taeyong imagine #nct scenarios #nct reactions #nct fanfic #nct 127 #nct #nct u #fluff #lee taeyong scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop fanfiction

[literalillbeats]

All the tarot asks go

holy shit uh okay gimme a sec

fool: what’s the biggest risk you’ve ever taken?

impulsive rescue mission that went all kinds of wrong

magician: list 3 of your talents

ive got some musical talent i guess? and erm im really fast aaaand sounds like a bit of a cop out but sometimes i think my level of patience/tolerance is a pretty big talent lmao

high priestess: do you pay more attention to your heart or your mind?

answered!

empress: how dependent are you on others?

i can be pretty emotionally dependent on peopleotherwise i handle things alright i think

emperor: describe your relationship with your father

never actually met himthink i was just a baby when he diedbarely a toddler reallyif were talking father figures though im real close with mishahe raised me and dirk after all

hierophant: do you value tradition?

yeah! though not so much the particularly restricting onesbut tradition that celebrates culture definitelyi like learning as much as i can about the traditions in my family as well as the traditions johnny takes part in B:)

lovers: does someone need to share your values for you to pursue a relationship?

some of them i guess?we dont gotta agree on everything 100% but theres a few yeah

chariot: in what situations are you most assertive?

when someone i care about is being bad mouthed or picked on in generalcant tell you how many fights id gotten into for sticking up for my bro cause other kids are just parroting their parents about how hes not a good guardian just cause he was ‘too young’ and talked down on him just cause he spoke english with a thick accent when we came here

strength: how impulsive are you?

really really impulsive

hermit: what are you like when you’re alone?

i dont like being alone too longquiet mostlykind of antsyprolonged solitude makes me uneasy

wheel of fortune: how’s your luck?

so far its been alright, surprisingly

justice: do you value fairness over mercy?

depends

hanged man: how do you feel about martyrs?

i just kinda wish there was another way yknow?like if there was another way to get the point across without having to sacrifice yourself for itthough i guess i kind of understand that to a degreemightve sort of martyred myself for someone before butit wasnt really worth it in the endi shouldve just found another way

death: do you like change?

change is alrightkind of got used to itwe moved around a lot when i was a kid so its nothing too jarring for me anymore

temperance: do you tend to focus on the past, present, or future?

when im alone its the past and the futurekind of lingering on what had already happened what i couldve done differentthen future is kind of like the paranoia talking, all the what ifsbut when im not alone i can focus on the present and make the most of the time spent with the person im with

devil: is there anything you’re addicted to?

not particularly

tower: what do you most want to change about yourself?

hoo boydont even get me started

star: what religious beliefs do you have?

none in particulari was never baptised and misha doesnt impose any practices on me and dirkive sort of been taking part in johnnys jewish traditions if that counts for anything but even he calls his practice being a ‘lightweight jew’

moon: do you have any recurrent dreams?

before yeahas of late it hasnt come backtends to happen when anxietys running high usually

sun: do you believe optimism is always good?

most of the time yeah i try to believe that

judgement: how confident are you in yourself?

just enough lmao

world: what do you hope to accomplish before you die?

i just wanna live as much as i can before i bite the dust tbh

#long; #[[ #pianoremix #]] #Anonymous #voprosov;

[maximoffdanvers]

1-65

OKAY FINE BRO. ONLY BC I’M BORED AND I LOVE YOU.

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?  - Yeah I do, a lot actually

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? - 4

3. The person you would never want to meet? - Idk?? Everyone??

4. What is your favorite word? - Cannibalism and Bubbles

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? - A dead one

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? - Ugly

7. What shirt are you wearing? - A star wars tanktop because I’m a nerd

8. What do you label yourself as? - An ugly dumbass

9. Bright room or dark room? - Dark, but i’d need to have a little bit of light

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? - Arguing with someone on Instagram

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? - I have no idea

12. Who told you they loved you last? - My mom

13. Your worst enemy? - Idk

14. What is your current desktop picture? - My puppy

15. Do you like someone? - No

16. The last song you listened to? - Crystalline - Ivan Torrent

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? - Donald Trump

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? - Taylor Sw/ift

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? - I have no idea tbh

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) - I don’t really understand this question tbh

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? - I have no idea what I’d look like but I’d definitely play with my dick 100%

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? - No I’m just a really good sleeper and that’s it 

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? - Kinda afraid of mannequins, but idk if that’s really unique or not

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. - Grilled Cheese!

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? - Probably on a concert ticket or a couple movies. 

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? - London

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? - Idk ?? I don’t drink lol ?? Maybe Jack Daniels ??

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? - I don’t know

29. What is your favorite expletive? - Fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? - One thing?? I’m not a superhero but I could probably manage to save more than one thing. Imma grab that backpack, take my computer/phone, my grandpa’s army jacket, my photo album, as many of my celebrity autographs as i could manage, a spare change of clothes, my parent’s wedding album/whatever they need, a couple o dog toys for my pets, definitely gotta grab my friends dvd collection,, and i’d probably grab a bowl o ceral while i’m at it, who knows? 

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? - Getting into the car crash probably.

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! - Austrailia

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? - I have no clue, maybe my grandpa who died when my mom was younger so she could see him again + I could meet him.

34. What was your last dream about? - I was trapped in a garage for some reason, I was watching football, I remember there being girls there and I think it was gay? It’s kind of a blur. 

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? - A good what

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? - Yeah

37. Have you ever built a snowman? - When I was younger

38. What is the color of your socks? - White + grey

39. What type of music do you like? - Pretty much everything except for country

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? - Sunsets

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? - Vanilla

42. What football team do you support? - Don’t care much about football at all, but the Denver Broncos and Green Bay Packers

43. Do you have any scars? - Yeah

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? - I want to work with animals in some way, hopefully

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? - My weight

46. Are you reliable? - Eh

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? - I don’t know what I’d ask.

48. Do you hold grudges? - It’s a flaw of mine, but yeah. 

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? - No clue

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? - Yknow, cannabilism boners n blood kinks w/ maya

51. Are you a good liar? - I wish

52. How long could you go without talking? - A looooong time

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? - I had red dip dyed bangs + hair for a while and it was probably the ugliest thing anyone has ever seen

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? - No

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? - No

56. What do you like on your toast? - Butter

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? - I don’t draw anything lol

58. What would be you dream car? - Idk

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. - Sometimes I sing if i’m home alone, otherwise that’s about it.

60. Do you believe in aliens? - Hell yeah!

61. Do you often read your horoscope? - Not often

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? - X

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? - DINOS

64. What do you think about babies? - I fucking hate them

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of. - Wut?

#sorry that these answers were so awful #asked #alvis-akari

[crazythatcounts]

So I need to rant a little bit and this isn't directed at any one person in particular but it's definitely been a thing I've noticed over the past little bit and it's driving me up a wall

Sometimes, you need to get in there and help yourself.

Now look, there's like, the shitty version of "why not just do it" that neurotypicals use and that's not what I mean. I'm not advocating not getting help or not seeking friends to help you or not getting advice or not seeing a therapist/getting meds/doing right by you. That's not what I'm saying at all. What I AM saying is there are points in a person's life when they're having trouble and someone has handed them all they need to get what they need to get done done - and then comes the point where they actually have to DO it.

And I have seen a lot of people struggling with that particular aspect of things in my friends recently and it's kind of driving me a little crazy. In mental health, in dating, with parents, in lots of respects, and it's not just one person but like four separate people, unrelated, just-- not helping themselves. And I get it, life is hard. Helping yourself is the hardest part. But when a friend gives you all the advice you need to get a real girlfriend, and you IGNORE that advice to do all the same things you've been doing and then complain about it more like you didn't just brush off what would have probably worked for nothing, then people lose sympathy for you. Like, you know your way didn't work the first 400 times you tried it, and you did good and sought advice and that advice was sound as hell and then... you didn't take it. And now you want us to feel sorry that you're still single when we worked our asses off to help you? Nope. At some point you have to step up and go "alright, the shit I'm doing isn't working and I need to actively change that" and then actually work to change that. Just thinking it won't wish a girlfriend to your side. And even if it did you'd still be essentially looking at them like they're garbage and we tried to help you undo that gross cismale nonsense of objectification and its still an issue.

And like, I know it's harder when you're not neurotypical and I'm not asking a lot of anyone. But when you're mentally ill and you've got the good start and meds and a therapist and it's still getting the better of you, then like, the next step is to sit down and go "what can I do for myself now". You need to be actively good about figuring out what your triggers are so you can avoid them, or you need to bring up the issue with the therapist. You need to be good about realizing what parts are recurring over and over and maybe attempt to put a block up to stop them, or you need to actively bring it up to a therapist. I get that sometimes there's a lot to unload at a therapist but if you're having issues, the same ones, every night, to the point where you're causing physical distress, that's kind of more important than anything else you gotta unload. And if that's happening and you're on meds like, you might need different meds. A different dose, a different combination, a different brand, something - and like, that's how meds work. You try a thing, and if it doesn't work for you, you try a different thing, and again and again and again until you find something that does work. It's a pain, but a medication not working isn't like, the end of the world. It means those store bought neuro-transmitters weren't the right kind and that's it.

Like, look. I don't do therapy for a lot of reasons (mostly because they really like to blame my mother for everything and I'm kinda... over that trauma and really don't need to relive it, thanks) but I've got my shit on lock - because I step up when I need to step up. Yesterday I had like maybe 3 spoons total. It was a bad day - weekend stress hit me all at once and I was barely functional. So I made myself take baby steps because I needed to do things for myself - I told myself to get out of bed to play Dragon Age. I like Dragon Age, and I did. Once I was up I asked myself if I could eat any of the random food items on the table. The chips were stale, but those and some leftover easter candy were technically food. And then I got myself to get a soda, and then I let myself curl back up in bed. Baby steps, and yeah I essentially treated myself like a five year old but when you have three spoons that’s how it’s gotta be. And when an issue came up that got my bad triggers rumbling, I was upfront. I was "hey, I'm having a bad day and am particularly sensitive to these issues and right now this thing is going to send me spiraling into a hellscape, I understand this is not a rational thought but that doesn't mean it'll go away - can we make some kind of compromise where we can all come out of this feeling alright?" and that's all you really HAVE to do. Like, communicate, be upfront. Say "hey this thing is bothering me" and if it's something that's usually NBD then like, try and find some reasonable compromise.

But YOU have to step up and communicate. You can't expect your friends to ask you every time "what's wrong", especially when those friends are also not neurotypical and don’t necessarily want to spend their spoons on you. Especially when you always look kinda mad or sad about something so there's always something wrong because we're not going to baby sit you, if you need us you need to tell us what's wrong and then if we give you advice and it's sound you need to at least consider taking it and if you don't have a decent reason why not. Like, "I didn't tell my therapist about my near constant anxiety yet because X problem came up and that's effecting me significantly more right now and until I work through that I shouldn't address anything else". Alright, that's totally understandable, life sucks and that happens. "I didn't tell my therapist about the near constant anxiety because it just didn't come up" uh no?  If it's something you're constantly having issues with, like constantly, and you're coming to us all the time for it, then you reallllly need to make sure it comes up because it's a problem and your therapist isn't going to out of the blue know that it's an issue. You have to communicate with them and also with us and YOU need to do it.

There's an aspect to self care that's literally "you need to take action" and by god the people around me need to learn how to fucking handle themselves. And they wonder how I've managed to be in a relationship for 4 years and stay relatively happy - it's because I know my shit. I know my triggers, I know what makes my anxiety spike, I know what things bring my mood down. I know being outside tends to help my SAD, but vitamin D is a good sub. I know my SPD means I can't eat some foods, but I try and make sure I communicate those things to people when it's applicable and if everyone is like "let's go to X place" then I try and find something I can eat. I don't ask people to tiptoe around unknown variables and then expect mines everywhere - if there's something wrong, I'm upfront about it. If someone makes a decision and it upsets me, I tell them. Sometimes I tell them a day later when I'm a little cooler, but I tell them "hey this upset me". I always try and make sure people understand that I know some of my shit is not rational, but it doesn't mean it's not there, it's just we both know this shark shouldn't have feet but it's got them and we've got to deal with the shark in the fucking room. That's all I ask of anyone, is the basic communication and self understanding to be able to go "I know this thing is bothering me" or the ability to go "I don't know what's up but I am feeling X and I don't know how to deal with it". Like that's an acceptable answer, yknow?

Sorry I'm just. Yesterday was a day and I'm still not exactly over things that happened.

#sometimes I do my own work #rant time #sorry bout it #this isn't about anyone in particular