#something about it is so evocative and intimate

[teabutmakeitazure]

Roll A Die, Roll A Poison - Evocation and Provocation

>Yan! Aventurine x Fem! Reader

>Word count: ~2.4k

>a/n: before anyone asks, no this isn't a series. I'm just writing a drabble from the same universe this is not an established series. very subtle yandere themes. just wholesome in general. the backstory of this in my mind is not so wholesome

Part 1

Intrusive thoughts typically pop in uninvited and leave just as so. You do not let them stay for long lest they marinate and tempt you to cook them to feast on the ‘delicious’ outcome. However… however, this one has been festering in your mind ever since it made itself known. It has started rotting and mould is certainly growing on it, yet you are still allowing it to decay in your mind, waiting for the opportunity to let it seduce you into throwing it onto the grill.

You shamelessly pin the blame on Aventurine. After all, he was the one who said he’d like to experiment hairstyles on your hair, even going as far as to open video tutorials and search appropriate hairstyles for your hair texture. Unfortunately for him, the moment the blond took off his gloves, you had grabbed your hair protectively and uttered something about not trusting anyone with your hair.

Conveniently ignoring the fact that you were invested in which video tutorial he should follow, you declined his offer with a plethora of silly excuses (seriously, why did you say you’re afraid he might end up tangling it horribly? he treats his hair like his first born child he is obviously not so stupid as to do so). Having been let off the hook graciously by your captor unwilling living partner, you had carried on your merry day completely oblivious to the thoughts silently crawling from the dark in your mind.

Now you are here. Side eyeing him as he sheds off his fur lined coat followed by his hat. He turns around, looking at you as he discards his rose coloured sunglasses. The former two are placed onto a chair while the latter is placed on top of them. Irises more vibrant than those glasses remain fixed on you, and you grimace at the way the corners of his eyes crinkle from his smile.

That never happens outside these four walls. He never smiles like that outside.

Though you are lying on the bed with a book lying open over your chest, he makes no move to turn the situation into something intimate. Perhaps all his previous failed attempts have finally taught him something. Or maybe he’s just enjoying the view of you on his bed. He’s a simple minded creature after all.

Aventurine chuckles when you continue giving him a weird look. “You look relaxed.”

“No thanks to you.”

“Ouch.” He turns to the dressing table. First he takes off his wristwatch then his rings. The other accessories follow, and you strike when he least expects it.

“Aventurine,” you call, “I need something.”

He turns to face you instantly instead of looking at your reflection in the mirror like he usually does. At first he searches your face for any hints of what your request could be, yet his gaze drops to the cover of the open book lying on your chest. You close it and place it beside you face down promptly, cheeks burning because it’s one of those smutty romance books that he absolutely does not need to get access to.

Aventurine raises a brow at your antics, but humours you nonetheless. “This is rare. What would a beautiful woman like you need? I hope I’m not lacking in taking care of you.”

“I do agree that your knowledge is lacking in regards to women, but my request is… well, not something typical of me.”

He grows more curious, moving to the foot of the bed as he undoes his thigh garter before moving onto his belt. The two are placed onto the bed before he urges you to continue.

A nervous gulp precedes you voicing your request. The edges of your lips are stopped from scowling at yourself. “I need… I wish to have some time with your hair. There’s something I wish to try out.”

The reaction you receive is him unbelievingly blinking at you. His hands remain over the buttons over his waistcoat, frozen with twitching fingers. “My hair…?”

You sit up, nodding. He recovers quickly, clearing his throat. “My, that’s forward of you. What do you wish to do with it? You aren’t planning to turn me bald, are you?”

“As hilarious as that would be, no.”

“Then?” The waistcoat is unbuttoned, and he is currently shrugging it off. “If I am going to give you some time alone with my hair, it’s only fair I know your intentions.”

You swallow your pride, cursing yourself for tossing such rotten food onto a skillet. “I… I just want to braid it.”

Aventurine looks at you.

You look at him.

Aventurine continues looking at you.

You look at his waistcoat halfway down his arms.

Aventurine blinks at you.

You do not blink back.

“Is that it…?”

You nod at his question, and he clearly looks like he’s holding in a laugh. “My my. You’re being bashful as though you’re asking me to marry you,” he grins.

“This is worse than marrying you.”

“I’m glad to hear you changed your mind on nothing being worse than being mine forever.”

A glare is directed his way. His ability to remember your words is downright disturbing. Nevertheless, he places his waistcoat on the bed before crossing his arms. That damned smile is back on Aventurine’s face. The smile he has when he’s brewing something in his mind. Something that you would definitely not want to ingest.

“On one condition,” he raises a finger. “I want something in return.”

You raise a curious brow. “What would that be?”

 A response is not given right away. Instead he peels off his gloves, placing them next to the waistcoat on the bed. Then, he tilts his head at you before voicing his price. “I want a kiss. On the lips more specifically.”

To say you choked on your words would be an understatement.

He taps his lips with his bare hand, and you make a horrible cringing face. “With tongue would be preferable.”

You shake your head profusely at his demand. What does he take you for? “Absolutely not. Anywhere but your lips is fine. Don't make me regret trusting you enough to ask you for something.”

“Aw.” Aventurine visibly deflates, eyes falling to his discarded waistcoat on the bed. “We've kissed before. I didn't think… wait. You said anywhere but my lips.”

A different meaning of your words comes to mind, and you slap your palm over your mouth in horror. If that devious smile on his face is anything to go by, he's having ideas. “No. Don't get ideas. I do not mean what you think I mean.”

“Relax. So no kiss?”

“No.”

“Not even if I bat my eyelashes all pretty?”

“No.”

He sighs, loud and dramatic on purpose to rile you up. “I still remember the last time we kissed. It felt like you were eating my insides.”

“You had forced it upon me by kissing me first,” you accuse. “I know your games now.”

A finger points in your direction, accusing yet remindful. “I admit I kissed you first, but you kissed me back harder. You were the one who started using your tongue.”

“It was a spur of the moment thing! Don't compare that to now.”

Aventurine sighs wistfully, as though he’s remembering a fond memory. To him it is, but to you it is not. “Don’t be shy,” he coos. “I remember. We were alone, and you were absolutely into it.”

A phantom sensation of his hands all over you returns, the image of his eyes seemingly more vibrant before he closes them and kisses you again accompanying it. It heats your cheeks and renders you unable to hold eye contact with him. Regardless, you clear your throat and try to negotiate again.

After what seemed like forever, he finally settles with a kiss to the cheek as his payment (he declined your insistence to kiss his hand instead). Alas, Aventurine had another demand. To receive his payment after you’re done with his hair. Which brings you here.

He sits cross legged on the bed while you remain kneeled on the mattress behind him. It’s hard to braid his hair. The longer parts are uneven since it’s longer on his right, so you thought you would attempt a messy bun with whatever braid you could make. Unfortunately, that did not work out. The layers poked out and it was mostly just hair poking out and less braid.

A sigh and you try again. “You good back there?” Aventurine’s question is shut down with a harsh ‘shush’ and you return to your battle. Out of pure frustration, you grab the brush and brush back all his hair despite the tangles and the way his head gets pulled back with it.

“Hey, be gentle!”

You simply tut. “This is how mothers make their daughter’s hair in the morning before school. This is a core childhood experience recreation. Savour it while it lasts.”

The pout is evident in his voice. “You’re simply making excuses for being rough.”

All of his hair is grabbed into a half-assed ponytail. Bangs are still poking out and a lot of layers from the side are too short to even be grabbed into it. Seriously, how intricate is his hairstyle? How does the barber even maintain this?

You let go of all of it. Fingers shake the hair to let it settle according to his natural hair pattern, and when you’re satisfied, you pick up a small section from near his bangs. You don’t grab all his bangs, only incorporating some of them and leaving the rest to frame his face.

An idea pops into your head, a good one this time thankfully, and you start creating a dutch braid from there. When you reach the nape of his neck, you realise your mistake and undo the braid just an inch. Then, you try to incorporate the longer strands of his hair into it, yet when it simply pokes out instead of being tamed, you settle with ending the braid at his nape with a low ponytail.

The braid is loosened a little for volume, but you retract your hand when a few strands start poking out. He’s been surprisingly quiet, you note. However, one peek at his face and you see that his eyes are closed.

They instantly open, already side-eyeing you.

“What the hell!”

He chuckles. “What?”

“That’s creepy! Don’t do that again,” you grimace. Aventurine doesn’t seem to mind. He even seems amused.

“So,” he drawls, “may I see the finished product?”

You take a good look at your work. Honestly, his hair is so soft and pretty you’d ask if he could grow it out a bit just so you could braid it more freely. You wouldn’t of course, but it doesn’t hurt to think about it.

You dismiss him, “You’re free to look in a mirror.” As expected, he gets up right away, going to the dressing table and looking at himself with widened eyes. He inspects your work, fingertips gently running over the braid trailing from near his hairline to his nape. The hair in a ponytail is brought to drape over his right shoulder, and he smiles, satisfied.

More of his face is visible with the wispy bangs, but you have to admit. He looks gorgeous. It’s almost unfair that he’s pretty.

“Now then…” Aventurine turns to you, a smile on face as he continues. “My payment for allowing you to have your way with my precious hair.”

On the other hand, you sigh. “I make you pretty and work hard, yet I still get punished. Where’s the worker’s right’s association now?”

“Gone. Decimated. My kiss, dear. Now.”

Your curiosity has led you to this. As you slowly get off the bed and move closer to him, he watches you with attentive eyes. It is when you stand in front of him that he smiles, body language obviously impatient.

Out of simple desire to be generous, you first cup his face then dive in to kiss his left cheekbone. When you pull away after the quick peck, you’re surprised to see his cheeks slowly turning red.

You blink at him in disbelief. “Are you… are you blushing?”

Unfortunately, he recovers quickly as always, deflecting it to you despite his flustered face. “The woman I love just kissed me. Of course I’m going to blush.”

Now you are at the receiving end of embarrassment. It’s unfair. It’s so unfair how he’s still able to stir up feelings within you. It’s unfair how you still care about him. It’s unfair how you can’t let him leave the house without having a proper meal, and it’s unfair that you still send him the same “stay hydrated” sticker on his phone everyday when he’s not around you.

It’s unfair because you want to hate him so bad for what he has done, but you can never forget the questions he used to ask you whenever you both spent time together. They were hushed and quickly brushed off, deemed insignificant after you gave your answer and dubbed “just messing around”. You can never forget them because you know he meant them.

He meant every single one. He just didn’t want you to peel away the layers of his person.

“Woohoo. Aventurine to [Name]? Is there still a signal?”

You snap back, gaze rising from your feet to his face. “Wow, I really lost you there,” he says. “Come on. The kiss wasn’t that bad.”

“You’re right,” you breathe out. After a few seconds of thinking, you excuse yourself. However, as soon as you are out the door, Aventurine’s concern turns into curiosity as he promptly grabs the book you were reading earlier off the bed. A picture of its cover is snapped, and it is placed onto the nightstand.

Unbeknownst to you, Aventurine downloaded a pdf and started reading. Not without taking a picture of your master hairstyling skills of course. While you were regaining your bearings in a different room, he had been searching up summaries and key events of the book.

Perhaps you might be in for a different game next time.

#yandere honkai star rail x reader #yandere honkai star rail #yandere hsr #yandere hsr x reader #yandere aventurine #yandere aventurine x reader #aventurine x reader

[soracities]

how do you know when you're getting good at poetry? everybody dunks on halsey and rupi kaur's poetry, and i never really got why and idk if that's what i sound like

Honestly, I don't think there's ever a point at which you "know" you're getting good at poetry--I think "good" and "bad" are kind of vague and amorphous (and distracting) categories that don't do much in helping us understand the feel and impact of certain writing, chiefly because they can also be deeply subjective. How a poet views a particular work and how a reader views it will be very, very different because their relationship to the work is different. I also think "good" is a sort of external category that does not (or should not) carry into the act of writing itself--when you make "is this good?" the chief consideration as you write, you're not actually present in the writing: you're focused on the finished product, not the process, but the process is the most important thing: that's where the poem actually meets you. I think growth, in writing, is less about knowing if you're "good" in this regard, and more about being able to have confidence, or simply just trust, in the writing as it happens.

There's a famous saying somewhere that a work of literature is never "finished"--it just stops. I think skill, when it comes to writing, lies in recognising where this point is, in learning and developing how you navigate what it is you want to say, and how you say it. Some poems, eventually, reach a point where you can take them no further and you know there is nothing more to be said in them or through them. Some poems reach a point where you can take them no further, but there is still something left to be said in them. Those poems get revisited, worked, and reworked again, until they (maybe) get close to the first category: this may mean you work on them for a few weeks, or for years--but either way you are prioritizing the process of making the poem, not how it will be received. "Is this a good poem?" in my view at least, is not really the relevant question--what's relevant is "is this true to what I wanted to say?" Leonard Cohen famously wrote over 100 drafts of "Hallelujah"--I don't know if the central question for him here was just a matter of his skills as a songwriter.

Regarding Halsey and Rupi Kaur, I've only been able to read Halsey's poems through previews on Google Books so I don't know what other people's critiques are--based on what I saw, though, I don't know if it makes sense to criticize their quality as "poems" when she is primarily a songwriter and a lot of those poems wound up as songs. I'm more familiar with Rupi Kaur's writing, though, and others like her (Atticus, Michael Faudet etc), and while I have a personal policy of not getting into Kaur online (there's an ask here which is about as much as I'm willing to say regarding my feelings on her writing)--I can get into this trend or poetry "style" as a whole. And to be honest I think the chief issue here with poetry like this is that poetry, by definition, involves a deep and intimate relationship with language: this holds true regardless of whether the poem is simple, or complex, whether it's 5 lines long or goes on for 50 pages. As I said in that previous ask, it's not something you can reduce to a formula, nor is it a matter of mere reportage or a collection of statements: what makes a poem has nothing to do with line breaks (prose poems exist), but everything to do with how the language moves, how the language of a poem engages with its own content, with itself, and, as a result, with the reader.

The kind of work that proliferates on Instagram does not have that kind of engagement with language--they are, to me, pieces of information more than anything else. They reduce language to a series of stock phrases that act, not as actual words, but as images (and I don't mean this in a visually evocative way). It tries to evoke something that requires a thoughtful and sustained examination in order to be expressed, by surpassing the reality of what that examination actually requires. It tries to ape the effect of a powerful poem without the work that goes into actually being able to make that kind of a poem in the first place: and that work is a sustained encounter and confrontation with the language used and its relationship to what it tries to convey, in understanding that words are not interchangeable blocks you move around willy-nilly but that they have weight and intention, that they interact with each other to build up an idea or a feeling or a landscape in the most accessible way (insofar as language can make anything accessible, at least). But this is rarely, if ever, felt in IG poetry because it refuses to recognize or respect the demands and requirements of the medium it uses.

And because it is lacking in this engagement and recognition, these poems are also, for the most part, lacking sincerity--and this, to me, is one of the most crucial things when it comes to writing. I recall one IG poet whose work was in the same class as someone like Atticus, but I also recall one of his poems which genuinely moved me--and it moved me because, unlike everything else on his account, that poem felt sincere: the structure and the language wasn't any different to anything else he wrote, but in reading it, it was not a question for me of whether it was "bad" or "good"--what made the impact was that it was honest: and the difference showed. You can't come into a poem with ulterior motives. You can't come into it without an understanding, or respect, for the language you use. I'm absolutely not policing what people should or shouldn't read, and I'm not saying people are wrong for liking these poems, either, or that Halsey, Kaur, Atticus et al., are wrong for writing them. Expression is expression, and what speaks to you speaks to you. And to be honest, it is a different kettle of fish when you are writing something purely for yourself (and I think allowing yourself to partake in any kind of artform, without worrying about needing to be good at it, is deeply important for the human spirit)--but because they are putting their work out publicly, if we are going to be evaluating what they write and how they write it, that evaluation has to be rooted in an understanding of the art form they intend their work to be a part of.

For me, these are the main issues I have with these writers and their work and why I just do not like them. But I also want to stress that, ultimately, what you sound like in your own poems, anon, does not matter as much as being sincere to yourself does. As I said, I don' like using terms like "good" and "bad" and I think that often they're fairly reductive (and sometimes outright pointless) categories to use when we talk about and assess poetry--more than anything else, the key to building a robust and informed discernment when it comes to poems is to simply just read--read a lot of it and read widely. The broader and richer your repository of poetry (and literature in general) is, the more informed you are when it comes to all the different ways language can move through a poem, and all the different impacts it can have as a result. It deepens and enriches your understanding of all the different ways of looking at something, questioning something, expressing something. Your vocabularly grows and deepens; your net of associations--visual, linguistic etc--strengthens. And when this understanding grows you are able to place the things you read into a much wider and far more informed context. And this in turn allows you to grow as a reader and a writer. I hope this helps you a little, anon 💕

#ask #anonymous #book talks

[h-sleepingirl]

Milton Erickson and a Rabbi Walk into a Bar... (Essay)

Finally, I've finished this essay about connections I'm finding between hypnosis, Judaism, magic, and intimacy. It's ~4.5k words, extremely "me," and I'm really thrilled to share it. Enjoy!

--

My weakness is getting deeply invested in very niche topics.

Hypnosis was my first and most lifelong obsession. It was my confusing, shameful sexual fetish that I eventually took by the horns and -- through my desire to learn as much about it as humanly possible -- turned into a job. But not a normal sex work job where I do hypnosis for money -- a weird job where I just teach about it. The kink community, and the further-specific niche where people want to hypnotize each other during intimate experiences, became my home.

But the value of study doesn't really come from the quantity of people I'm able to engage with. It comes from the way it enriches my life. It creates and benefits from the capability to see overlaps between all of my various interests.

On the surface, it may appear that two skills have no relationship. But the deeper you get into each one, a synthesis appears.

At a certain point when you are learning hypnosis, all seemingly-unrelated information seems to fit effortlessly into your hypnotic knowledge. You can listen to a song and suddenly you learn something new about how to hypnotize someone. Maybe it was a lyric that gave you an evocative emotional response; maybe it was a pattern in the music that you thought about replicating with the rhythm of your hypnotic language.

Over a decade into my own hypnosis learning, I got very lucky and found a second passionate home in communities of Jewish text study about a year ago. I started from almost zero there and found myself again to be a greedy novice, obsessed with digging into it.

Of course, as I got further, it became that I read a page of Talmud (a text of rabbinical law and conversation) and suddenly I learned something new about how to hypnotize someone. And as I progress, it is starting to go the other way: I learn about Torah study by reading about hypnosis and intimacy.

There are two directions this essay can be read. “How can intimacy and hypnosis teach us about Jewish text?” And, “How can Jewish text teach us about intimacy and hypnosis?” One half is of each part written by me as an authority, and the other half is by me as an avid novice. The synthesis of these two parts of me -- just like any synthesis between concepts -- may perhaps create something new.

Models

I’m sure most communities have a version of the idiom, “Ask three people a question and get five answers.” For a long time, this was a source of frustration for me in the hypnosis community. Is hypnosis a state of relaxation and suggestibility? Kind of, but also no. Is it more accurate to say it is based on unconscious behaviors and thoughts? Well -- kind of, but also no. 

So what is it? Well, it’s probably somewhere in the overlap of about 20-30 semi-accurate definitions and frameworks for techniques -- what we’d call “models.” Good luck!

Why is hypnosis so impossible to define and teach? How have we not found a model that we can all agree upon yet? I think many people share this confusion, and it's complicated by the fact that most sources for hypnosis education teach their model as the model. It makes sense -- it would be difficult to teach a complete beginner a handful of complex frameworks with which to understand hypnosis when that person is just trying to muddle through learning “how to hypnotize someone” on a practical, basic level.

…Or would it be? By the time I got involved with Jewish study, I had long given up on chasing the white whale of some unified theory of hypnosis. I was firmly happy with the concept that all ways to describe hypnosis are simply models -- and all models are flawed, while some models are useful. I was delighted, when entering Jewish community spaces, to hear the idiom, “Three Jews, five opinions.”

This concept is baked into Jewish text study, in my experience. You can look at any single line in Torah and find innumerable pieces of commentary on it, ancient and modern, with conflicting interpretations. Torah and other texts are studied over and over -- often on a schedule -- with the idea that there is always something new to learn. And this happens partially by the synthesis of multiple people's perspectives adding to and challenging each other, developing new models. My Torah study group teacher always starts us with a famous line from Pirkei Avot, a text of ethical teachings from early rabbis: “If two sit together and share words of Torah, the Shekhinah [feminine presence of God] abides among them.”

The capacity to develop and hold multiple interpretations at once enriches your relationship with the text. So too do I believe that being able to hold multiple interpretations of what hypnosis is and how it works enhances your skill with it. It is not a failure of the system -- it is the best thing about it.

Intimacy

It is intentional to make the distinction of “relationship with the text” -- not “relationship to the text.”

My job on the surface is to teach hypnosis, but the meta goal is to simply teach something that helps people develop profound intimacy with others. I think that hypnosis is a kind of beautiful magic that is well-suited to this, but it’s not the only path to take.

One of my favorite educators, Georg Barkas, describes themselves as an intimacy educator who teaches rope bondage. Their classes and writings are highly philosophical and align closely with my own ideas about intimacy -- as well as my partner’s, MrDream, from whom I’ve learned so much. I frequently cite Barkas when I talk about hypnosis because I feel the underlying ideas they have about rope bondage are extremely applicable to all kink and intimacy -- and I will continue that trend here.

Barkas recently published an excellent essay looking in detail at the concept of intimacy itself. They posit that our first thought of intimacy is usually about a kind of comfort-seeking and familiarity. That’s contained within the etymology of the word, and socially it’s what many of us think of when we define our relationships as “intimate”: settling in to engage with a partner who we love, know, and understand.

But, Barkas asks, what if we place this word into a different context? They talk of how in scientific endeavors, the goal of “becoming familiar with” is unpredictability and discovering things that are surprising and unexpected. This perhaps offers a different view of intimacy: intimacy where you do not engage with your partner as though you know everything about them; intimacy where being surprised by them and learning something new is the goal.

My partner MrDream teaches about this often in hypnosis education: approaching a partner with genuine curiosity and interest -- “curiosity” implying that you don’t know what to expect, with a positive connotation. There is a kind of delicate balance between being able to anticipate some aspects of what is going to happen hypnotically -- to have a general grasp on psychology and hypnosis theory -- versus holding tight to a philosophy that neither you nor the hypnotic subject really knows how they are going to respond. The unexpected is not to be feared, but celebrated and held as core to our practice. Hypnotic “subjects” (those being hypnotized) who can relax their expectations will often have more intense experiences.

Thus we come to the first time in this essay where I mention Milton Erickson, my favorite forefather of modern hypnosis. Erickson was a hypnotherapist active through the 1900s and is famous (among many things) for presenting a model of hypnosis that wasn’t necessarily an authoritative action done to a person, but a collaborative and guiding action done with a person.

In his book “Hypnotic Realities,” he talks about how his view of clinical hypnosis is defined by how the therapist is able to observe each individual client and directly use those observations to continually develop a unique hypnotic approach with them. The client’s history, interests, and modes of thinking are utilized for the trance, as well as any observable responses they have in the moment. For example, a client with chronic pain may have the frustration they express over that pain incorporated into the trance. This is in deep contrast to hypnosis where the therapist comes in with any kind of “script” or formula to recite ahead of time.

It’s important to Erickson’s model that the therapist doesn’t know exactly what to anticipate, and it’s also important hypnotically that the same is true for the client. A common “Ericksonian” suggestion is, “You don’t have to know what is going to happen, and I don’t know either.” In order to develop the most effective approach with each patient, Erickson would enter into a session with some presumed knowledge, but ultimately learning -- not assuming -- how to best hypnotize each individual person.

We circle back to the phrase, “a relationship with Jewish text.” In my opinion, engaging with Torah is exactly this kind of intimacy. Torah is something we come into in order to poke and prod at it, to interact with it and to see how it interacts back at us. The teacher of my study group always cites a model where Torah itself is a participant in our partnered learning and group discussions. We ask it questions, we push its boundaries, we strive to glean something new and yet unseen. A line that may seem simple on the surface can reveal much more when we explore its context or put it into a different context entirely. 

This is easier for me to say as someone who is coming into learning Torah for the first time, but I am able to look ahead to when I will be fully familiar with the text and still be able to take this expanded definition of intimacy with it. Not coming to it without a sense of comfort, but still engaging with curiosity. MrDream teaches a model for hypnosis that is based on the idea of exploration -- exploring your partner no matter how long you have been with them. You are always coming to them as a different person, shaped by your ever-growing experiences and identity, and your partner changes as a human as well. I believe Torah is also dynamic in this way, as the context within which it exists -- and the way we interpret it -- is constantly shifting.

Ritual

I have been engaging with spiritual ritual on and off for as long as I’ve been learning hypnosis. The concept of magic has always been alluring to me -- not from a motivation to meet specific goals, but for something more difficult to pin down. I like that ritual, in an esoteric framework, is about looking at various metaphors between ingredients and actions; a candle representing an element of fire which may in turn represent intensity, or purity, or something else. Drawing meaningful connections between concepts like this is a skill I’ve developed in parallel with hypnosis, as well.

I was recently talking with a friend of mine who is also interested in esotericism -- we were sharing our frustrations with various books on magic and ritual. We wondered why so many sources would go on to teach prescriptivist formulas and associations, and not much else. Do this, and that will happen. This symbol represents that. My friend and I agreed that the ritual value of ingredients comes from how you personally assign meaning to them -- but why was everything always trying to teach us their meaning, as opposed to teaching us how to cultivate our own associations?

A week or so later, I happened to go to an excellent class that explored whether or not there was a place for smudging and smoke use in modern Jewish ritual. The teacher first took a careful, measured approach towards looking at indigenous smudging practices and the concept of appropriation. What followed was 30 minutes of history and text exploring examples of smoke in early Judaism, and then 30 minutes of a handful of interpretations of what “smoke” could mean and represent with relation to Jewish ideas -- directly practical to modern ritual. It was utterly excellent and immediately profound for me, as someone who has been yearning to blend my experience with esoteric ritual with my relationship with Judaism.

Observant readers will note that through this essay I speak passively about Judaism -- I am a patrilineal Jew, which for better or worse means that it is not a simple matter to say, “I am ‘fully’ (or ‘not’) Jewish.” (I am in the beginnings of working with a Conservative rabbi -- who affirms that I’m Jewish -- to make my status halachic [lawful], which is deeply exciting.) Opinions on that aside, a relevant piece of information is that the Jewish holiday we celebrated most consistently when I was growing up was Chanukah. While a lot of Jewish practice has been something I’ve been striving towards as an adult, Chanukah has always been “mine.” It was fast approaching after this class, and I felt motivated to use my newfound knowledge to make more ritual out of lighting the candles.

I was deeply surprised when all I did was light a stick of incense before saying the blessings over lighting the menorah, and my experience transformed into something intense. I smelled the incense and couldn’t help but think about what I’d learned about the Rambam’s commentary that incense in the time of the Temple was about making the Temple smell sweet to pray in after the burning of sacrifices. I thought about what I’d learned about the presence of God being smoke and clouds to the ancient Israelites. I thought about things I’d learned from other places -- hiddur mitzvah (the value of beautifying a practice), and a midrash (parable) about God loving the light and rituals we do in a very personal way simply because they are from us.

Esoteric ritual has often felt to me like exerting effort in making the associations of ingredients work for me. But this was effortless. I was doing something that was entirely my own, solidly founded by the broad and deep study I’d done, by my personal relationship with the concepts, by my identity.

In other words, the power behind this ritual came from knowledge, and the knowledge came from my intimacy with it. And that intimacy was not just with the study I had done -- it was also the process of being surprised in real time by what I was learning through the ritual itself.

Hypnosis gains “power,” in so much as we let ourselves use the term, through these same acts of intimacy towards knowledge. It operates directly based on various ingredients: how much we know about hypnosis theory itself, general psychology, the person we are working with, and ourselves. Hypnosis is a ritual -- it is setting aside special time to do something with a collection of ingredients that you have personal associated meanings with. If you can’t connect to those deeply enough, it won’t reach its full potency.

Knowledge, Perception, and Unconsciousness

One of my favorite concepts to teach in hypnosis is, “A change in perception equates to a change in reality.” This is derived from Erickson by MrDream, and it’s something he and I have had a lot of conversations about to refine. The implication of this is not something as trite as hypnosis having the power to change a person’s perceived reality. It is the concept that if you look at something from a different perspective, you gain various different capabilities.

For example, when you are feeling stuck in a situation and you think about what a close friend of yours would do if they were in your shoes, you gain the capability to see more options, to change your actual view of the reality of the problem and therefore change your actions towards it. In hypnosis, this could be the difference between simply telling someone to relax their legs versus another perspective of telling them to imagine what it would be like if their legs just started relaxing. It could be the idea that when a person does feel relaxation from a simple suggestion, their perception changes on what is happening -- they build more belief in hypnosis, and that belief in turn makes the next suggestions easier to buy into.

Erickson’s model of hypnosis is predicated on the idea that hypnosis itself matters, that hypnosis is a time within which someone’s reality changes. In his ideal hypnotic context, the subject feels like they no longer can expect things to behave as they usually do in their “waking” reality. They are thus opened to many different kinds of new experiences and capabilities. To Erickson, perception matters -- by itself, it’s a primary driving force behind literal change and response.

This ties back to our idea of intimacy -- just as I aim to approach my partners with this profound curiosity, just as I aim to approach Torah, I want to have this intimacy of the unexpected with trance itself. I want to allow myself to be surprised by hypnosis, by the things I don’t yet know about it even after more than a decade and thousands of hours of trance. But more than this, in an Ericksonian sense, simply changing my perspective to this motivation is one of the things that lets me get there.

I went through a guided study class about Shabbat (Judaism’s weekly sabbath of rest) with a partner, and so much of the class was in the abstract that it at times felt difficult for me to latch onto. We were learning all of this background context about a view of Shabbat where instead of spiritually striving and reaching on that day, you come in acting as though your spiritual work -- like your other work -- is “finished.”

In one session, we spent a chunk of time parsing through how we could interpret that as actionable. It felt like it just wasn’t clicking for me -- the midrashic texts weren’t offering enough for me to feel like I could make judgments on questions like, “Does this imply I shouldn’t meditate on Shabbat in this context?”

It wasn’t until I slept on it that I found a very simple piece of the puzzle: putting aside the questions of concrete actions, in an Ericksonian sense, the internal act of shifting my perspective would absolutely change the way I behaved and interacted with the day. It would become more indirect and unconscious -- instead of carefully analyzing my actions as I might with other Shabbat prohibitions on work, I could simply let myself act in ways that fit that perspective of “spiritually resting.”

The abstraction of the class made more sense -- perhaps it wasn’t trying to give us direct answers, but rather create a psychological environment for us that was well-suited to this more unconscious processing. Or rather, in addition to the sort of typical conscious halachic interpretation. If I allow myself an opinion here, I’d say that I care about halacha as actionable, but as always, I tend to care more about feelings and what’s internal.

This also lent credence to ways this class and the class on smoke and ritual changed my experiences. I was not given a set of actions to take, but rather a variety of perspectives that unconsciously made me think and behave differently. The concept of “knowledge is power” is both true and alluring in many different contexts, and yet had often fallen through for me in most ritualistic frameworks. The way that it succeeds, I believe, is when you develop a relationship with knowledge that actually changes your internal perspective and perceptions.

Limitation

With this we return to the concept of models and interpretations. It is serendipitous to be going through these experiences at a time where I am avidly working on my next book -- the thesis of which is that in order for us to progress as hypnotists, we must get comfortable moving fluidly between many differing definitions and frameworks (models) of what hypnosis is and how it works.

It is as the Ericksonian principle would say: If you take a perspective on hypnosis that boils down to “hypnosis is about relaxing the conscious mind,” you will do hypnosis according to that perspective. You will use relaxation-based techniques and make an effort to get someone to think “less consciously.” If you instead take a perspective that is “hypnosis operates based on activation of the conscious mind,” you may do hypnosis that causes someone to think and process in a more stimulating way.

Both and neither are true, and they can coexist. I believe that most models can be useful -- some more useful than others. But the best thing you can do is to not assume that one model is the most correct one -- instead, it is to develop the capacity to work within many at once even while being aware of their boundaries.

Jewish text, in my experience, provides models -- perspectives that themselves give guidance on how to understand things and act. I think especially about midrash and stories that are explicitly intended to fill in the gaps or give an alternate view on something. The question of, “Is there one correct way to do/see things” is more complicated here, but there are areas -- especially in those subtle shifts of mindset for ritual or interpreting text -- where the answer is still “no.”

My time so far in Jewish study supports this in a different way. There is a human element of collaboration and challenge. Learning as we do with a chevruta (study partner) adds another person to the relationship -- it is no longer just between you and the text. There is another human who you are building something with, and it is “intimate” according to our exploratory definition in an even clearer way.

The purpose of a “scene” inside of kink (a “session” of kink play) is to operate in a semi-limited framework -- limitations exist on who is involved, where it begins and ends, how partners communicate, and what themes/topics/activities are involved. These limitations -- though they may be quite broad -- are partially what allow for intense experiences. A scene needs to exist in a different “space” than our daily lives, and it needs to operate by different rules and involve different ingredients. Here, we also see overlaps with the definition of a “ritual.”

This doesn’t just facilitate intensity (and safety) -- it facilitates learning something new about your partner. By taking your relationship and putting it into a limited context, it allows you to observe it in a more careful way, where novel changes can be more obvious.

Studying with a chevruta is much like this. I have had study sessions where my chevruta and I are meeting for the first time and the only thing we are aware of sharing is our desire to dive into a piece of text. I’ve also had chevrutas where we know each other outside of study, and some of our time is schmoozing and catching up. But in all cases, we are limited in scope, and that limitation creates ease of access towards the common goal of expanding our knowledge and relationship with the text. We are focused; we are motivated. We are creating something that we can only create through who we are as individuals and what we are doing as avid learners.

This has surprised me at times with its tenderness and intensity. Building well-founded interpretations with someone is in and of itself very intimate -- not sensually, but humanly. It has given me something I have always wanted -- an intimacy that is pervasive not just in application of knowledge, but in the development of it. A feeling of sacredness and joy from being able to see so many different perspectives.

I long for this connection, this alchemy. Yes, all models are limited. But within those tight, restricting limits is the potential energy of creation.

“And I Must Learn”

There is an infamous story in the Talmud, in Berakhot 62a, where Rav Kahana hides under the bed of his friend Rav Abba. Rav Kahana hears Abba and his wife giggling and starting to have sex, and remarks out loud that Rav Abba is acting like someone who is famished. Rav Abba, mid-sex, understandably says, “Kahana, why the fuck are you under my bed listening to me fuck my wife?” Rav Kahana replies, “It is Torah, and I must learn.”

There was a version of this essay that began with this tale. I am enamored with the vast overlaps I can derive from its briefness: that intimacy can be studied sacredly both as a general concept and specifically with your partner; that we are obligated to learn ourselves, our partners, and general human desire; that there can be a thread of wholeness in every action of your life if you give every action sacred attention.

Even this, though, is a limited-context interpretation. The rabbis of the Talmud were certainly not sex-positive, especially not as we currently use the term. The surrounding triptych of conversations is similarly humorous but seems to comparatively describe sex as dirty or gross, and this bit of text cannot really exist separately from all of the places where there is halacha derived about sex that is about controlling women’s bodies or preventing queer and trans people from being able to live authentically.

But -- we are allowed to interpret like this. We are allowed to play with context and see what we discover.

For me, this is about finding the connections between my actions and my interests; parts of me that synthesize the whole. It is about developing intimacy with Torah, with my learning partners, with my romantic partners; with the people within the writings, with the authors, and with the readers.

Reading Torah is the same as hypnotizing someone is the same being intimate with someone is the same as doing a ritual. All things on a broad enough scale overlap this closely. There is value in this “zooming out” to a wide enough context to see the connections that exist -- just as there is value in celebrating the limitations that arise, models nestled alongside each other, when you “zoom in.”

We need both to be able to treat our learning -- all forms of it -- as something special.

#my writing #hypnosis #judaism #hypnokink

[dungeonofthedragon]

Ttrpgs for Palestine: duo edition

Your regular reminder that you can get this incredible bundle of 195 titles for $15 and help kiddos in need in the process!

I wrote a post on some of the solo games in this bundle, but what about duos? Games you can play with a partner, a bestie, or a sibling? I live with just one other person, and ttrpgs are the major thing we bond over. Fortunately, this bundle contains many, many games I look forward to playing together. Below I've spotlighted four five examples of GMless two-player games in this bundle!

A Court Divided by Carlin Wednesday

(Bitter- Dramatic- Magical)

Build a fey domain together through a series of questions, and then break it apart as you play fey monarchs going through a divorce. You must negotiate how your court and assets will be divided between the pair of you. This game can be played in a single session, perfect for an afternoon or evening of dramatic roleplay.

Hearts Unmasked and Hearts Unrivalled by Islanderscaper

(Superheroes- Pining- Lightweight)

Superhero romance? Count me in! Hearts Unmasked is about two heroes trying to balance duty and their feelings for each other, while Hearts Unrivalled is an enemies-to-lovers hero/villain narrative.

The rules for each game fit onto a single page, so they're very quick to learn!

Lovers in the Apocalypse City by Paladin Kite

(Intimate- Intense- Futuristic)

Neon-soaked apocalyptic letter writing for two. I was immediately hooked by this game's gimmick: mailing letters to one another. One player draws a card from a standard deck, finds the relevant prompt on a table, and writes a letter to the other player based on this. Obviously, you can do it without actual letters, but the act of physical letter writing does add something to the experience. As I write, I'm mentally going through friends considering who would most enjoy playing this one with me.

Pale Dot by Devin Decibel

(Enchanting- Exploration- Aliens)

Hoping to play this one tonight! Two (or more!) players travel the cosmos as adorable alien astronauts. There's a good selection of locations with short, evocative descriptions and questions inviting players to further develop them as they explore.

#indie ttrpg #pcrf bundle #support palestine #two player rpg #tabletop #tiltify bundle #itch bundle

[likealittleheartbeat]

hey! i really enjoy your analysis of aang and zuko's relationship, and i was just wondering if you have any thoughts on this:

when aang considers what he's afraid of the most, he doesn't just see zuko - he sees the blue spirit. why do you think his fear is linked to that mask? zuko was the most amicable towards him when he put that mask on, and was hostile every other time.

Ooooh!! This is such a rich and meaty question!! And it's something I've wondered about but never dove into before.

I guess there are a couple of questions we need to explore. One, do we want to begin to analyze this from Aang's perspective or the series' themes, which, when put together, should offer us the fullest idea of what the intent might be? If we begin with Aang's perspective, then the next question we need to next ask what is Aang's view of Zuko and/or the Blue Spirit at this point in the narrative? My worry about beginning at that intimate level is that we might miss possible connections that a thematic understanding might facilitate and may, like many fandom analyses, leave it at a character level when, in fact, the characters exist to serve larger philosophical purposes, especially in a show like ATLA.

So, we'll return to those questions about Aang after we visit some questions about the broader themes here. We know for a fact that the team did a lot of research into Eastern philosophies that they had to then pack down into 24 minute episodes, preserving a surprising amount of complexity not in the words but in the actions and visuals. The 2 part Crossroads of Destiny episode is probably the most evocative of this practice. The four-way fight scene is celebrated for the way it masterfully shows character development through fight choreography. Then, Aang's crystal chamber he forms to master the Avatar State is a direct reference to a statement about pre-enlightenment in one of the foundational texts about Japanese Zen for American Buddhists, "The Three Pillars of Zen." The rapid explanations of the seven chakras with Guru Pathik might seem like a a skimming of Tantric beliefs based on the brief statements and processing, but it's another prime example the way ATLA suffuses meaning beyond the script.

What more can be said about the Earth (also called the Root or Muladhara) Chakra, then, that the show might reflect without stating it explicitly. Guru Pathik explains that the Earth Chakra "deals with survival." Is there any subject more prescient than that for our protagonist, the single survivor of an otherwise all-encompassing genocide? Other accounts of this chakra that I can find explain that it's at this chakra that one can observe that their base needs are being met--enough food, enough water, etc. There seems to be a subtle witnessing to the effects of PTSD here then. With this chakra untouched, unopened, and out of balance, Aang within his mind has been living in a state of emergency without knowing it, believing himself at a core level beyond his consciousness to still be under immediate threat even in moments of peace like his meditations throughout the opening of his chakras. "Your vision is not real," Guru Pathik points out, not to say that no danger exists for him in the world but to illuminate the immediate reality surrounding his person.

The memories and visions that flash during the sequence hint at how fear conceals deeper realities and thus possibilities. I'll start with the clip of Katara sinking away from the first episode of Book 2, "The Avatar State." The Earth Kingdom General performed this cruelty after many other attempts to force Aang into suffering to gain the Avatar State. Believing he lost another person he loved, the state was triggered despite the actuality that Katara was unharmed. The fear of her loss overwhelmed Aang, and even her safe return could not assuage his traumatic response. The Blue Spirit incident forms a striking parallel to this event, in that case. Aang felt himself helpless and in danger only to discover the opposite: the seemingly malevolent force freed him from danger. Further, that Blue Spirit Mask concealed Zuko who, by the end of the series, will be revealed (to himself and) Aang as an ally and a friend. The shadowy image of Ozai, then, connected with these two fear-inducing semblances, can be seen then as perhaps the ultimate foreshadowing of Aang's ultimate success in pacifying Ozai. Put in the context of this chakra and the other two visions, it frames the Firelord as a facade meant to induce terror and distance, when in reality, life and humanity still lay behind the horrifying megalomania.

Concerning the Blue Spirit element specifically in the series, I want to explore one more factor within the series before getting back to Aang's character relationship in this moment. Blue has a running symbolic theme within the series that seems especially relevant here since it played a huge role in a highly symbolic part of the directly previous episode, "The Earth King." As Zuko rides out his psychogenic fever induced by releasing Aang's bison and abandoning his Blue Spirit mask, he is confronted in his dreams by a blue dragon voiced by Azula and a red dragon voiced by Iroh. I felt really confused by these two would-be shoulder angels for the longest time (literally until I was sorting my thoughts out to write this) because Azula's blue dragon is the one who entreats Zuko to rest, which even in Grey Delisle/Azula's clearly threatening tone--she even ends the temptation by saying "sleep just like mother!"--seemed to be what Zuko needed to do as opposed to the red dragon's exhortations to get out. I could see how sleeping might also refer to accepting his upbringing without thought, but why blue? The layers upon layers of possible meaning overwhelmed me.

I posit that blue in the series, especially when put in relationship to red/orange, as it is in the dream sequence, the dynamic between the water tribe and the fire nation, the fire of zuko and azula (especially the final agni kai), and the energy-bending of Aang over Ozai in the finale, ought to be read as Yin (making red/orange yang). Yin is passive, retractive, and receptive, which makes the invitation to rest by a blue dragon make perfect sense. Yin is also feminine in nature, hence the association with both Azula (whose blue fire and lightning becomes especially interesting to explore under this understanding) and Zuko's mother in the dualistic dragon dream. If you know anything about yin and yang, you know that it's key tenet is ever-changing coordination of yin and yang within one entity and with relationships between entities rather than the privileging of one above another. The two dragons in Zuko's dream, while seemingly in opposition to one another, are actually seeking, like the bumper stickers say, "coexistence" of their dispositions.

Now, back to Aang's vision of fear over the Blue Spirit. The red that overlays everything is specifically a reference to the Earth Chakra, which is symbolized by the color red. But the fact that he has one fear of Katara, the pinnacle of blueness/yin in the series, dying, and another fear of the Blue Spirit, a de-flamed (read: emasculated) Zuko attacking him that are then overlayed by this Earth Chakra red, a color otherwise used to portray yang (masculinity, activeness, expansion, and repulsion) and the fire nation in the series, suggests that his fears are specifically about within holding onto yin nature (symbolized by his grasping for a disappearing Katara) without being entirely overwhelmed by it (in the image of the fear he felt as the Blue Spirit approached his imprisoned body). And all those fears are intensified when living in such a patriarchal, or yang-skewed age and society, which gets depicted through both the final image of Ozai, the ultimate patriarch within this world, and the red coloring.

I promised I would get back to the characters, and after that hopefully illuminating thematic expansion, we can hopefully get at the core of what's going on here for Aang personally and what it might mean for him to be picturing Zuko with the Blue Spirit mask as a fear. I want to put this moment into context with Aang and Zuko's relationship at this specific moment. Aang hasn't seen Zuko since he watched him cry over his uncle in the ghost town after Azula struck him with lightning as a diversion. That was ten episodes prior (and more than 6 months time if you were watching the show in real time as it premiered; May 26th-Dec. 1st). The next time Aang sees Zuko, two episodes later, they are glowering across a crystal prison cell at one another with antipathy as they're embraced (a gesture I can only remember from the fantastic black romance film Love & Basketball, and in a gay context that is clearly referencing that moment in L&B, in the Norwegian teen romance series Skam). Right before this scene, Aang readily agrees to co-rescue Zuko and Katara with Uncle Iroh despite Sokka's protestations. Nothing seems amiss with Aang, no obvious belligerence toward Zuko until he sees him. Zuko has barely seen the airbender this whole season, and the one moment they encountered one another, Zuko was attacking Aang's attacker rather than him. Why is Aang expressing anger toward Zuko in the crystal chamber then? It's a rare expression from Aang even when we look at their more antagonistic interactions from the first season.

Here's where this vision of the blue spirit Aang envisions as he opens his earth chakra might enliven his characterization and his relationship to Zuko. We get two pieces here. His attachment to Katara and the queer implications of his partnership with the Blue Spirit/Zuko. And they are inseparable.

I don't feel that I need to especially dive into the attachment to Katara since it's been a pretty big component of discourse within the fandom, both in general analysis and more specifically relating to the (literally historic) shipping wars between zutara and kataang that emerged after the series came out originally. What I'll say here is that the first vision that Aang has as he addresses his root chakra points to his fear of losing her and what she represents pretty explicitly and, as I suggested earlier, also provides its antidote in the realization that accepting/surrendering the fear of impermanence reveals its simultaneous illusion. Katara wasn't actually harmed and wasn't truly lost when the general subsumed her into the ground. Aang has to let go of her as a permanent fixture that he'll always be able to see and know entirely (not, as many have interpreted it, let go of loving her). He'll also have to let go of saving her and the world of so many others she represents, which is as much a pressure and role Katara and others put on him as Aang yolks himself to.

Part of this acknowledgement of Katara's impermanence as a living being and a romantic possibility is addressing the others in her life who pose both danger and attraction for her. Zuko embodies both of these things simultaneously. The aggressive stare Aang launches at Zuko in "The Crossroads of Destiny" can be understood through this lens. The Eve Sedgwick's concept of the triangulation of male homosocial desire between romantic rivals was one of the foundational ideas of queer theory. It's so well-established as to be a meme among the tumblr crowd. The show even references the history of these literary homosocial tropes in "The Avatar and the Firelord" as Sozin and Roku's tight-knit youthful friendship is slowly rent apart at the event of Roku's heterosexual marriage, which thus begins the imperialism of the Fire nation.

Except that Roku and Sozin aren't romantic rivals. And Zuko's obsession with Aang begins sans Katara. And, as you pointed out, if the romantic threat is Zuko, it ought to be Zuko in the Earth Chakra vision instead of the Blue Spirit? Well, those all exist because ATLA is not a tragedy for homosocial relationships, and it's hard for me to explain how groundbreaking that was.

You see, the show theorizes homosociality differently. If Aang is required to let go of Katara, he has no pivot point, no object (because women shouldn't be objects for male fodder!) to connect with and compete with a rival male, so he has to look directly at the desire of another male for him and, therefore, face the fears that he might have similar desires. I said above that the Blue Spirit is an entirely de-flamed Zuko, which I then paralleled to emasculation. One could even go farther to call it a kind of symbolic castration (Firelord Ozai losing his firebending at the end of the series certainly demands this kind of reading). These aspects ignite fears about lacking masculinity which then cause reactions, which make men avoid accepting any thoughts and behaviors associated with vulnerability and homosexuality invoked within themselves or by others.

I think Aang, in his way, is confronting these fears but not from the angle of someone raised within a homophobic or misogynistic culture. His openness to Zuko and the potential of connection to him is ripe from the first time they meet--"you're just a teenager" connects them without any intermediary. He comes to understand the rigidness of the environment he's in, though. He feels like he's being forced to choose between a yang/masculine role he plays with Katara, who at this point in the series though growing out of it and certainly not a fault of her own making still sees him as her savior and depends on him to save her and the world through metaphysical mastery and the repulsion of evil, and yin/feminine role he plays with Zuko, who finds Aang in and forces him into positions of elusion, surrender, and passivity, while requiring his compassion and forgiveness. When the Blue Spirit comes swinging his swords (read that with all the innuendos you want lol) at a shackled Aang, it's the ultimate expression of Aang's potential for submissiveness because, not only is he entirely helpless but the one who could harm or save him in that scenario is another who is not participating in the expected power of fire/yang/masculinity.

I think everything in the show says this is attractive to Aang--that he remains with Zuko immediately after their escape from the fort, that he reflects on the Blue Spirit as he opens his chakras, that a reference to the conversation that followed their escape that Zuko makes halts him in his tracks when Zuko asks to join the team. Zuko's Blue Spirit persona means a lot to Aang, a scary amount, and my point is that it's this fear of the meaningfulness of their encounter as two men who are not the masculine paragons they are supposed to be which Aang faces as he opens his chakra. As much as he wants Katara, he wants Zuko. He fears he'll lose Katara and he fears he'll lose his life to Zuko. These are the dichotomies he's tackling as he processes the Earth chakra.

Aang eventually opens the chakra, but that's only to say he acknowledges and surrenders his fears to a destiny and understanding beyond his control, not that he necessarily learns how to address and solve all the conundrums contained therein. We know he chooses his attachment to Katara at the end of the episode to obtain power over the Avatar state but perhaps we could've been clued into this choice by noticing he has not chosen Zuko with that initial glare Aang gives him. Aang hasn't found a way in his chakras or his heart to hold both Katara and Zuko at once, so he chooses Katara and expresses a newfound jealousy and rivalry toward Zuko (not that Zuko's at his best behavior at this point, but it's Aang who initiates the exchange).

By the end of this season, Zuko abandons the Blue Spirit mask and Aang loses his life for prioritizing Katara and a yang-centric mastery of the Avatar state. The next season involves all three of the protagonists finding more internal balance between yin and yang for themselves and accepting mutually reciprocal feelings for one another that allow them to escape the kinds of patriarchal tropes that have dominated Anglo- literature for centuries. The ability of this brief sequence to highlight so many of the series' central revolutionary themes speaks to the depth of the show and the way it invites the audience to think about rich subtext rather than pedantically hammer us with morals will just continue to be the gift that keeps giving from this show.

Thanks so much for asking! Didn't know how much I missed doing a deep dive into this kind of stuff.

#aanglove #zukaang #atla meta #the guru #guru pathik

[ishcliff]

So any thoughts of well, the Blade Lineage itself so far

theory-wise, not much aside from we are likely going to see aeng-du and bamboo-hatted kim as semi-important NPCs to one of the greater projects limbus company as a video game was intended to be: a way to explore the city as a living setting. distortion detective is the only gap in my project moon lore/worldbuilding knowledge, but i will be correcting that Soon and perhaps will have more theories later.

but thoughts in general? quite a lot.

general disclaimer that i am not intimately familiar with korea's history, though i know portions of the last 100 years. but in summation: i have always adored project moon's insistence of making the works of yi sang be a focal point of inspiration for the setting, themes, characters, and messages as a whole, and the role of the blade lineage in the city itself exemplifies this very well.

the influence of The Wings in particular on the project moon series is from the ground up – not just thematically, but even in the verbiage of the setting.

The Wings is an evocative, heartbreaking critique of japanese colonialism in the form of a narrative of a man in an abusive relationship with a woman who controls every aspect of his life to the point where he has lost all sense of self, all the while she is committing infidelity and secretly drugging him. he loses his autonomy and identity, expresses both need and hatred of the meager monetary aid she entertains him with, and laments his isolation and total alienation from a world that should be natural to him as it is to all others.

the oppressive mundanity, isolation, and repetition in The Wings is something Lobotomy Corporation (the game) parallels extremely well. kim ji-hoon has said that his intention with the game was to, in essence, "simulate a lobotomy" (paraphrasing) for the players – not unlike the conditioning the quasi-self-insert narrator of yi sang's The Wings goes through.

but let me skip ahead to yi sang and ryōshū.

yi sang and ryōshū, similar to yi sang and faust, are alike in passion: they are both artists. yi sang, much like his counterpart in The Wings, sees art in all things existing as they are. meanwhile, ryōshū, much like her counterpart in Hell Screen, believes that art is something intentionally created and manipulated by the hands of few brilliant individuals.

from canto V, an example of their butting heads over the nature of art (not the only example, but one that comes to mind):

yi sang shutting down a dialogue this succinctly (while partially motivated by the gravity of their situation) is a rare thing for him. he makes the choice to not engage ryōshū with her perception, presented with authority in spite of his inherent disagreement with her in a philosophical sense. while whether or not she is correct depends on whether or not the whale classifies as a living creature, to yi sang it simply does not matter – the patterns of the veil are a curiosity and a point of observation, and the nature of it as itself is worthy enough for him when it isn't for her. the same is true of the narrator of The Wings and his wife; she does not see the beauty he does, and she seeks to control him and his perception of the world.

what this does is essentially frame ryōshū as the antithesis of yi sang in this regard. and with the nature of the setting as a whole being based around The Wings, this implies that ryōshū as of now is in total opposition to the themes, messages, and purposes of what the series is about. she is inherently a conflict just by existing.

this then brings me to ryōshū and her engagement with aeng-du.

what the conflict between the blade lineage and the kurokumo clan does is bring everything i said above into the front and center, leaving no room for questioning the intent of the conflict that exists between ryōshū, yi sang, and even the series as a whole. when aeng-du defends herself and her right to exist as herself with her people from the perceived threat ryōshū's very existence in proximity gives her, ryōshū's immediate response is to confirm why aeng-du is defensive. not exactly the reason, but close enough.

and of course, it is only after this near-murder that yi sang is the one to provide her comfort – by knowing their shared home, by sharing the pain of loss to the hands of outside forces, and in feeling alone and on the defensive. the blade lineage shares yi sang's complete and total isolation, both in the game and with his counterpart in The Wings.

essentially, i love that the blade lineage has taken one of my favorite aspects of project moon's worldbuilding philosophy and has all but confirmed it as unsubtly as possible. i think it was done very well and i hope we will continue to see more exploration of it in similar ways. the blade lineage should most definitely make a return.

#lcb yi sang #lcb aeng-du #lcb ryoshu #blade lineage #limbus company #project moon #limbus company meta #limbus company speculation

[ms-all-sunday]

what can i fucking say about this scene man

its. the encapsulation of everything i want from character writing in a single scene. i have gone on record many times to say that this is one of my favourite scenes in the entire series to many of my friends and now this tumblr blog and it's just everything about it is so objectively perfect.

i think part of the genius of it is that it hits you immediately with a sense that this moment, when nami wakes up and sees everybody around her, is not something you should be here for. this moment is so fucking intimate and you can practically hear what shes thinking in her head as the scene remains slient. you, as an outside observer, are unwelcome here. theres no plot reason you need to be here, and yet you are anyways. you're being shown something so human and intimate it feels for a second that these people aren't characters, these are people with lives, who are being observed in such a vulnerable position in the dead of night, if this was a story being told to you, you wouldn't be here.

it evokes the quiet times in peoples lives, when youre getting up to piss during a sleepover as a kid, or when you wake up to see your partner sleeping next to you. it is such a human moment. it's awkward for nami, and thats its own kind of intimacy, and then theres how it relates to namis character

she didnt expect any of this reaction. the embarrassing moment of when she gets up in the middle of the night when her friends are sleeping turned sweet because she never had this before. she is relishing in an otherwise inconsequential domestic moment because for once in her life the people who love her are around her and are being so vulnerable themselves and offer that up to her without a second thought and she gets too too

and i dont know. i think about this scene a lot, about how evocative it is. how it kind of makes you yearn for this quiet intimacy thats only found in your closest relationships and also reminds you of that intimacy when you once had it. i love when characters are human like this.

#modposts #op #one piece #cat burglar nami #meta #drum kingdom liveblog

[lurksunderthebed]

Ghoap Analysis/Meta (2.3)

The Evolution of GhostSoap Redux

Discussion of Ghost and Soap's relationship after "Alone" and a dive into character motivations/backstory.

Answering the 'did they' or 'did they not' question between "Alone" and "Prison Break".

Part (2.3/?)

PLEASE READ PART (2.2) FOR FULL CONTEXT

Minor mentions of mwiii (23). Practically spoiler free to that game.

Warning: very long and meandering discussion. I probably should have shortened this. But even now I still think I missed things from "Alone" 😔

Alone Discussion

I think it would be fair to say that there was much that happened in "Alone" to think about. It's undeniable that Ghost and Soap's relationship had a turning point then. The intimate backdrop of two people fighting on their own for survival with only a potentially friendly voice in your ear for help is an evocative image.

One filled with flirting and banter traded in whispers, sneaking around scared enemies who will kill you if you're too loud, getting saved by someone you largely thought disliked you, that mad dash together to get out. It's all one very compelling picture to assume something happened. Something potentially romantic in nature.

Many in fandom have speculated on the nature of Ghost and Soap's relationship post mission: "Alone" and it's hard not to, really. Let it be said that the game writers knew what they were doing then and were a bit insane for doing so in a game largely meant for the male audience.

So the glaring question remains: Did Ghost and Soap get together between "Alone" and "Prison Break" in that nebulous in-between before the pair got to Ale's safe house or the time between the safe house and the prison break?

The answer to that—using the dialogue, current motivations, and timeline sadly suggests it's most likely they did not.

Since I already spent the last post discussing what Ghost may have been thinking and his motivations in "Alone", lets look at Soap's. To do so we'll have to dive into Soap's backstory.

John "Soap" Mactavish

What we do know of his background is actually a fair bit. Definitely more than we know of Ghost that's for sure.

It goes without saying that he's proudly Scottish. From the slang to the end in '23. Soap is a born and raised Scot.

According to wiki, and the current bio from the game, Soap tried joining the military at 16. His cousin who was/is SAS inspired him. He got denied many times till he finally joined at 18 and got chosen for SAS selection in 2014.

During this time in 2014, Captain Price was his evaluator to which he handily impressed all by scoring highly in tests. Soap was the youngest to pass and got labeled "the perpetual FNG", presumably because of his precocious age.

His first mission was with Price in Russia, where the captain saved his life. Later he further distinguished himself in Urzikstan with an act of courage, earning him prestigious medals as a result. Medals such as the Victoria Cross, the Gallantry medal and the Conspicuous Gallantry medal. All three of those medals irl, are awarded specifically in acts of outstanding bravery and valour.

In 2016 at the age of 20, Soap punched a military police officer and locked him out of his car. He did not face disciplinary action for this.

In 2019, at the age of 23 we have "Flashpoint", a potential first meeting of Soap and Ghost and we see him almost disregard orders by threatening to kill Makarov.

And finally in 2022, at the age of 26 we have the events of mwii.

What does this background bio tell us of Soap?

Well we can say he's a courageous hot headed type. One that acts on impulse, to the detriment of his own career. He's stupidly, fearlessly brave. He's been awarded for that bravery and he's ridiculously young for his rank and service. He's as fiery as his explosives. He's a thundercracker and loves to talk back to authority.

Doesn't this sound familiar?

The interesting point is that we can say that this characterization holds true whether we look at the 2019 version of Soap, the 2022 version and finally the 2023 version. Soap doesn't really change. He might be a bit more jaded, but that core nature stays strong. The military shaped his life from when he was a teenager to now as an adult, but who he is as a person never changes.

That means that his motivations and personality most likely wouldn't be any different from where we see him in mwiii(23) to now during "Alone" to between "Flashpoint" in '19 - "Kill or Capture" in '22.

It also makes determining what he may have thought throughout "Alone" easier to discern as a result.

Let's imagine we are Soap and try to reason out what might have gone through his head during the mission and more importantly why.

I've already stated earlier, that Soap and Ghost probably had a prior relationship. Soap most likely prodded Ghost into responses and Ghost largely ignored it.

Soap is used to Ghost ignoring him. He expects it but is visibly disheartened (pouts) when he's cut off. At this point, he also must be used to how standoffish Ghost is.

We see it in "Kill or Capture" where its contrasted in how friendly Soap is to the marines with Ghost looking appropriately forbidding and authoritative to them, barking out orders.

In "Cartel Protection" when the LT doesn't appreciate Rudy's jokes.

In "El Sin Nombre" when Ghost noticeably doesn't join into discussions with Alejandro, Graves and Soap about infiltrating the mansion.

"Dark Waters" where he stands apart while Soap and Graves congratulate each other for averting the missile launch.

Ghost is all professionalism and silence. We see nothing of his snark, his dark humour, his dry dead pans. We do see his eyerolls and "done with life" attitude, but otherwise he's very cold.

So the events of "Alone" must be a shocker to Soap. Soap who is used to getting back nothing from Ghost suddenly now has Ghost's full attention. Honestly it felt like Ghost spent more time talking to Soap than really being worried for himself. In fact half of that mission we have Ghost already in the church tower camping away while Soap is running around ragged.

Naturally, the first thing this hot headed guy does is snark back to Ghost. The amazing thing, is that Ghost doesn't ignore Soap this time, he actually engages and matches Soap's banter.

And guess what? Soap is excited. He's intrigued and he starts off by going for Ghost's first name. To which he's suitably chased off via horribly unfunny joke.

Soap in some sense must know he went too far because he pulls back. He asks things about Ghost, he pokes but never too hard. Soap needs Ghost's help. He can't have the man get too annoyed at him. And considering their current track record, that's an actual concern.

There's a reason why Soap never addresses the nickname that Ghost made up and it has everything to do with the fact that once he does, Ghost might just stop talking to him. Soap needs Ghost to like him. His survival depends on it.

The LT has a reputation for ruthless coldness, he's a deadly killer. He's infamous in their circles and even comes with an appellation and fearsome visage. He's a mystery. His motivations are a mystery.

So Soap tries his hardest to find out if Ghost does actually like him. If not for his own curiousity and because he wants Ghost to like him, then at least for his own sake. If Ghost likes him, then that means Ghost will wait for him.

Ghost himself gives off mixed signals about what he thinks about Soap. Soap thinks Ghost might like him, but its hard to tell. Especially when Soap is distracted by enemies and all we have of Ghost are his countless implications to Soap that he is indeed the emotionless killer that everyone makes him out to be. Ghost even states outright that he barely tolerates Soap and is only doing so because he "wants one of them to survive". Seriously, what a massive liar.

Naturally, Soap takes it as it is, but probably with doubts. Soap isn't an idiot, Ghost helps him with tips, he's constantly asking for status updates. The man must sort of like him at least. But Soap also called out Ghost about them being friends and only got silence back that time. With the ensuing silence (which Soap definitely doesn't want) and every effort on that vein being redirected, it's best to leave it at that and focus on surviving. Or at least he tries.

Because Soap can't help himself, he tests the new boundaries of their relationship in other ways.

Ghost seemed to like Soap's banter. If implying that they are friends meets Soap with disdain it's best not to go further into any emotional intimacy talks. So he goes for the tried and true classic next to snark: Flirting. I don't know what it is, in the military or just in general with male dominated areas. Homoerotic undertones and gay chicken jokes seem to be king.

But this time, Ghost responds back to it, he even encourages it. And we see the flirty exchanges between them.

Does this mean that Soap actually has a crush on Ghost and that he was just using the first chance he got to go for it?

Perhaps. Soap definitely admires him (as we see in "Prison Break"). It's a very real possibility. Maybe Soap genuinely wants Ghost to like him. It's clear from all Soap's efforts to be friendly to Ghost that Soap was just waiting for the day that the LT would warm up to him. Soap strikes me as very persistent. He could be flirting with the singular goal of getting into a relationship with Ghost.

Alternatively, perhaps Soap was just joking around and the flirting was another method of coping in high stress situations.

Perhaps it's a mix of his own curiousity, disregard to authority and his own comfort in snarky jokes. We've already established that Soap in '23 is virtually indistinguishable from Soap in '19 and '22. Soap likes to banter during missions. It stands to reason that perhaps this is his way of coping in high stress situations.

What we can say, is that regardless of their personal feelings toward each other prior to this mission, if they didn't like each other before, they certainly do now.

You can tell both of them are getting a kick out of the snark, and flirting. They actively engage each other on it. They're getting to know each other personally, and finding that they can match each other on their snark level. No other person in game banters with them the way they do with each other.

It's at least a potential for more.

But the question remains. Did something physical happen between the two during the car ride to Alejandro's safe house?

It's possible. Highly unlikely though, if we consider the motivation side of things. Why?

The point remains that Soap despite flirting, is still uncertain about Ghost's motivations after the event of "Alone". We somewhat see it in how surprised he was in "Prison Break" over Ghost's declaration of teamhood status, and in how Soap pesters Ghost about their relationship. Even the flirting in dialogue at this point is within the realms of plausible deniability; it could be passed off as joking. Soap tests Ghost, but never so far as to truly push him into transforming their relationship above the comfortable limits.

I don't see Soap moving overtly into something physical unless Ghost initiates first.

Now the question is: Would Ghost initiate anything?

So now we have to reconsider Ghost's motivations. That means, you guessed it, looking at his background as well.

Simon "Ghost" Riley

We don't know much about his backstory. The official bio says he was born in Manchester, UK. He presumably went under officer training as part of the SAS.

At some point Ghost met Price before Ghost's insistence on hiding his identity/face, due to his later comments in "Ghost Team". Ghost trusts Price and more or less implies it in "Alone". Price is the only other character allowed to reference Ghost as "Simon" by the LT himself.

Interestingly enough it was stated in a comment on Reddit by an account verified game Dev that Ghost and another character "Mace" introduced in cod warzone 2020 (who also wears a skull mask), were in the same unit, "but things had changed".

Mace's bio puts him as an ex US army ranger. We can extrapolate due to Cod: Ghosts that this is a nod to the ghost squad, an elite unit of soldiers who all wore the 09 ghost balaclava set in a different universe to the original cod modern warfare games. Presumably, Ghost, Mace and others all wore the infamous skull mask in an international unit. Mace being American and Ghost being British supports the international factor.

It's noted that Mace left that same ghost unit, to later on work as a mercenary. In "Prison Break", we learn that Ghost disdains mercenaries, as "bloody wannabes". Connected? Maybe.

We know that at some point in Ghost's life he was betrayed by someone very close to him. Trust is hard for him as a result.

Perhaps something happened in that ghost squad that led to Ghost being betrayed (maybe by Mace, maybe not).

Regardless, from whenever that betrayal happened, we know that Ghost stands apart from any other soldier and we see that in "Flashpoint" up to "El Sin Nombre". Then it all changes in "Alone".

Ghost's characterisation isn't static like Soap's. It's even in his bio. Ghost was more open at one point (he didn't start life wearing a mask and he wasn't always called "Ghost"), he gets betrayed and then becomes the brusque man we see in "Flashpoint" and "Kill or Capture".

Ghost changes and by tracking those changes we can more reliably see how the LT's interpersonal relationships transform as a result.

So let's recap "Alone":

Ghost likes Soap. He admires him and wants to trust him. The LT doesn't want him to die but he thinks Soap probably will. This makes trusting and caring for Soap a detriment.

Despite himself, Ghost waits for the sergeant and distracts him with jokes to have the man focused/not panicked. Ghost denies to Soap that he actually does like him/cares. He implies he is too cold for emotions, that he doesn't care. Ghost lies, he misdirects, he deflects. Anything regarding emotional closeness is shut down.

Snark is safe though. They banter and Ghost realises that he actually does enjoy talking to Soap. Ghost has the driest sense of humour. He loves to snark.

Ghost engages with some plausible deniability flirting too. One that is borderline risqué behaviour, but pulls back against any truly overt stuff.

On that note, we can read why Ghost flirts similarly to why Soap was as well. It could be a combination of snark, competition, romantic interest or just another way of coping in high stress situations. Ghost likes to deflect by making jokes. Taking it a step further seems to be a thing he would do so that both of them can stay focused.

Ghost saves Soap's life by sniping an enemy out of the church tower. Soap proves that he is the trustworthy/admirable man the LT saw in "El Sin Nombre", by surviving and saving Ghost's life in return in the getaway truck.

Ghost who has been a solo type of guy for so long after being betrayed, finds himself thinking that maybe, just maybe he has a potential partner. One that can keep up with him.

Soap and Ghost are a team.

Ghost who has known Soap for 3 years already, most of those 3 years spent ignoring him, has his whole MO changed after their getaway from Las Almas. Up to this point, Ghost avoided being close to people whether physically or emotionally.

Soap proves Ghost wrong about not being able to survive, his likeability, his whole everything.

Ghost now has to re-evaluate his own rules about teamwork, friendship and intimacy. If he was wrong about Soap (for 3 years!), then maybe he was also wrong about other people. Maybe he could be a part of a team again.

Maybe he can even trust others too. New people who he hasn't known since forever.

There's a lot going on there. But mainly, it has to be said that this is most likely the first time in a long time Ghost has connected to another person emotionally.

We can tell by the persistent nickname usage from Ghost how much the man cares. I've mostly avoided talking about it now, since one can argue that "Alone" is a high stress moment for Ghost, therefore of course he would use it during the mission. Him using 'Johnny' now, isn't as important as it is in other missions where he uses it when it isn't a particularly stressful situation.

Or is it?

During this mission, we see Ghost use 'Johnny' when he can't see/hear Soap in danger. The terms of his nickname usage changes. From only extremely high stress situations where Ghost isn't sure Soap is alive at the beginning, to now a more casual fond usage, as one would do to somebody they liked.

Their relationship is deepening and turning into something friendly—flirty even. We get lovely exchanges where all Soap and Ghost do is repeat their names back to each other. Something said by one of them, will always garner a response back. It's actually pretty cute and holds true to the end of cod mwii and straight into cod mwiii.

It's ridiculous how much the game emphasises this point. It really wants us to see how much names matter in the context of Soap and Ghost's relationship.

Does the difference in nickname usage indicate anything substantial between "Alone" and "Prison Break"?

Inconclusive, though I'm erring on the side of no. All it shows is Ghost becoming more familiar with Soap as something resembling a friend. Could it be more in time ? Yes. At this point, as I said earlier with Soap, it's a tentative potential.

Their flirting and banter, isn't a one off from "Alone". The game could've played it like it was and we could've seen no flirting at all in later missions. "Alone" could be an outlier; it was an extremely high stress moment. Lots of things that you normally wouldn't do could happen.

But this isn't the first and last time this happens. We see it directly in "Prison Break" and every new mission after, all the way into mwiii(23). They continue to flirt, banter and snark at each other. The potential is right there and thriving.

So back to the point. Does this mean Ghost's initiates something more physical after the relief of making it out alive?

Probably not. I'm sorry guys.

It's not impossible, but I really doubt a guy this allergic to emotional connection would want to jump headfirst into a physical relationship with the (1) guy he finds himself liking for the first time in ages. That's just asking for all sorts of complications.

Granted, perhaps his views on sex are completely opposite to emotional compatibility. Ghost could very much be a one night stand type, preferably with the mask on to keep his anonymity. Remember, this guy went out of his way to erase his identity. We even hear it in dialogue at the end of cod mw(19) from Price to Laswell during the formation of 141. There isn't a photo on the dossier and even the official group chat they have for 141 labels the man as simply 'Ghost'.

But even the 'whole Ghost as a serial one night stand guy theory' has a problem, as we see Ghost visibly shy away from getting close to people. Physically and emotionally. Touch is barely tolerated and we see in "Kill or Capture" that Ghost didn't like the fistbump Soap gives him. Touch from strangers might also go the same way. In that vein, it's hard to imagine Ghost even going out for one night stands if he just barely tolerates a casual fistbump. (With much side eye)

I suppose it could be very different if/when Ghost initiates contact himself. We don't know the exact details of how that all could happen. It does however, seem unlikely with everything we know so far with Ghost and his character.

And not to mention, there's also the added complication of fraternisation rules. Ghost is Soap's direct CO. It would get them both in trouble, at possible risk to their jobs, if a relationship was ever publicly discovered. Soap wouldn't care, we already know he flouts rules. And I'd argue that Ghost probably doesn't care deeply about rules either. No one in 141 does for that matter.

I could however see Ghost using this whole thing as a big justification to himself in not pursuing anything further. Ghost cares about Soap's wellbeing. He wants Soap to be better than him. Ghost dragging Soap down into a relationship that could get them booted out of the military seems counter intuitive to that care.

Or perhaps the adrenaline of the moment would make it all different? Adrenaline does funny things to a person. I could see Soap up for it. Ghost on the other hand ? Really, really hard to say. There's nothing saying it couldn't have happened. But there's also nothing to say it did either.

So what else are we left with to look at?

Timeline.

By virtue of timeline and Soap's previous injury, I'm going to say anything happening would've been extremely unlikely. (Though still possible).

"Alone" happens directly after the events of "Dark Waters". "Dark Waters" is set on Nov 2nd 1700 hrs. We see the group presumably coming back from the mission operation at an oil rig. One can only assume that it took a while in terms of transiting from boat all the way back to the base.

Then Graves betrays them and Soap and Ghost flee to Las Almas. By the time of the mission start of "Alone", the game places it as Nov 3rd 0000 hrs or 12 am.

Soap is injured and visibly in pain at the start of the mission. Somehow he manages to find Ghost and evade all the shadows, probably by running on pure adrenaline. Soap and Ghost find a truck and leave the city.

The next time we see them it's at Ale's base and there's some light in the background indicating time has passed between "Alone" at midnight to getting to the hideout.

There's no trace of injury on Soap. Perhaps Ghost patched Soap up. Ghost could have gotten supplies while he was running through Las Almas. It's possible something happened then when Ghost had to stop somewhere to deal with Soap's bullet wound. Some sort of adrenaline-fueled rush of passion that would make Ghost ignore all his better thoughts on staying away from the handsome snarky sergeant.

But the chances of them doing anything frisky in a time slot so narrow seems highly unlikely. It's probably not feasible all things considered. When we start "Prison Break" it's STILL Nov 3rd but at 0400 hrs. So the time elapsed between was a measly 4 hours.

Remember that Ghost and Soap are on the run from Shadow Company. Outside of the bare minimum of first aid, I can't see either of them spending the scant amount of time they have getting down and dirty.

Even then, if there was a free hour or so, that time would be best spent getting properly kitted up and checking over injuries. Let's also not forget that this is off the tailwind of "Dark Waters". Soap and Ghost had not had any rest in between whatever they might've gotten on transit back to base.

Not to mention when we see the timestamp for "Prison Break", Rudy, Ghost and Soap are already at the prison at 0400 hrs. There has to be transit time between the prison and the hideout. Ghost drove out of Las Almas to the hideout and then someone drove from the hideout to the prison. It probably would've taken a fair bit of time.

Hell, it doesn't even sound like they have enough time to spare patching up Soap, depending on how far out a drive this all was.

Rudy and group also spent time planning their prison break. We see helpful pictures drawn on maps. Gathering the kit and planning would eat into that 4hr time slot as well.

So yes. Tldr; there probably wasn't any time to do much of anything realistically.

Motivation wise and timeline wise, both of them heavily suggest that nothing happened in this time frame.

A shame. But we can however say that what happened between Ghost and Soap during the events of "Alone" remains a pivotal moment for them.

One that impacts Ghost's choices throughout the rest of the missions and conversely transforms his relationship with Soap (and the rest of 141 as a result). It establishes who they are to one another and how they interact with each other into arguably the rest of their known relationship from mwii (22) and further to the end of '23.

The one thing to take away from all this is this: when it comes to tracking the changes of Ghost and Soap's relationship, it'll always be Ghost determining where it'll go.

Soap doesn't push Ghost out of his comfort zone. Soap doesn't change. It's Ghost who decides how close Soap gets to him. It'll always be Ghost that sets the tone.

Alright that's all I have to say for now on this matter. This discussion really took all my energy. The next parts will again take some time as I recoup from this essay. Lol.

Onto part (2.4) hopefully the rest of mwii, whenever I get there.

+

Comments, questions, arguments. I'm free to answer any of that. There's so much to look at here and consider. A lot of this was guess work building up to this moment. So naturally I'm sure I've missed things.

#ghostsoap #soapghost #ghost x soap #soap x ghost #simon riley #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #call of duty #cod mwii #cod mw2 #call of duty modern warfare #soap mactavish #ghost cod #soap cod #meta #discussion #character backstory #mace cod #ghost squad

[mrporg]

More Signalis, don't mind me. I can be a bit obsessive sometimes.

I love retrofuturism. There are many types, usually called something-punk and I pretty much love them all.

We all know Steampunk and Cyberpunk. A little less well known are Atompunk (e.g., Fallout), Raypunk (e.g., Mars Attacks, maybe? Amazing stories magazine), and Dieselpunk (e.g., Scythe).

Formicapunk / Cassette futurism is somewhere in the middle. To Gen X and early Millennials, the technology that forms the foundation of cassette futurism is intimately familiar. Growing up, my parents had cassettes, computers programs were stored on tape (at least at first) and floppies were not limited to the save icon in Microsoft Office. The first time I played Sim City was on an orange 3.5" floppy.

So maybe that explains why our generations feel a strong kinship with this branch of science fiction, which imagines a future if the technology had stopped there. Heck, TV shows like Loki are clearly targeting that side of us.

Making a mental note to talk about Loki at some point, because I just love the art in the series.

Anyway, back to Signalis. Everything in this game screams cassette futurism, from the objects you find and interact with, right to the interface of the game itself. Let me show you what I mean.

Everything operates with big pushbuttons, floppies, magnetic key passes, CRT screens...

I know I've said it before, but I find the art of the game to be really wonderful. It's very pleasing, coherent and evocative. It really contributes to the player's immersion, making this world that much more believable.

By the way, I am not sure who coined the term "Formicapunk" for this style, but I love the comic from Boulet about it. Well worth a read in my opinion:

https://www.reddit.com/r/cassettefuturism/comments/p6wg2f/formicapunk_by_boulet/?rdt=57641#lightbox

#signalis #gaming #formicapunk #cassette futurism #retro futurism #art style

[convulsionofhonesty]

top 10 books of 2022

i read 50 books this year and i’m going to share my top 10 and what i loved most about them (in no particular order)

1. writers & lovers by lily king - this book legitimately changed my life by reminding me of how desperate i am to lead a creative life. there are certain books that make you want to be a writer. this is one. featuring clean-cut, economical prose that gets straight to the point, and the point is diving into one of the most compelling characters i’ve had the honor to spend a story with. i read it twice this year because i will never be ready to part with this main character.

2. last night at the telegraph club by malinda lo - this was a reread for me and i appreciated it infinitely more the second time. the vividness of the writing strikes me as a particular triumph of this work. you can feel every emotion, see and hear every setting. that and a deeply engaging narrative make it one of those books that i continue to think about constantly.

3. crush by richard siken - my favorite poetry collection i have read, and reread, both within this year. he is one of those writers that reminds you how amazing it is to be a human that can feel and say so much. sharp images, glorious repitition, and stunning formatting that has inspired much of my own adventure into the world of unique poetic structure on the page.

4. homegoing by yaa gyasi - probably one of the most ingenious books i have ever read. to this day i fail to understand how it is possible to cover so much in so few pages and not leave the reader feeling like something is missing, but she certainly does it. sweeping multi-generational story where each chapter reads like both an exquisite short story that could stand on its own and a part of the richly woven whole. phenomenal novel that i wholeheartedly believe will be a classic in the future.

5. the idiot by elif batuman - another character that weaseled her way into my brain and has never left. a plotless, indulgent, meandering character study that struck such a cord with me. i read this at the exact right time in my life and for the week that i was making my way through it, there was no distinction between the narrator and myself in my mind. i don’t know how to explain this, but i was narrating my own life through this character’s eyes. captivating.

6. piranesi by susanna clarke - an exemplary work of fantasy that explores the nuances of knowledge and gratitude, balancing expertly between critiquing the pursuit of knowledge and power and exalting wonder, curiosity, and science. a book written in journal entries which flows perfectly and never feels choppy. leaves you thinking differently about the world.

7. open water by caleb azumah nelson - a short novella you can read in a day, and you will have to, as it is so enchanting and haunting that you cannot stop. it fully took over my mind until i finished it. it features second person narration which creates an unmatched level of closeness between reader and narrator. triumphantly evocative, intimate, and precise prose. the most poetic novel(la) i've had the pleasure of reading since on earth we're briefly gorgeous.

8. the great believers by rebecca makkai - the highlight of this book is the dense prose; every sentence feels perfectly chosen and hits you just as hard as the last. there is never a break, never a breather from the stunning writing. for that reason it is a slow book to move through, but in the best way. also accomplishes using dual pov/timelines in a way that does not detract from the fluidity of the work. very heavy subject matter but imbued with hope, gratitude, and affection.

9. the starless sea by erin morgenstern - prior to reading piranesi, this was my favorite fantasy read of the year. the world is so engrossing and the formatting of the novel is unique and inventive. vivid world builidng and a meandering, cris-crossing plot that enthralls from the beginning. an ode to humanity and the interconnectedness of the stories we tell.

10. babel by r.f. kuang - a lengthy novel that is well worth the time it takes, featuring a slate of morally ambiguous young people bumping up against the limits of their social power. similarly to piranesi, it embraces curiosity, drive, passion, and learning while chastising the intrenchment of power in academia. kuang cements herself as figurehead of the historical fantasy subgenre, tapping into its full potential.

#mine #writers and lovers #lily king #last night at the telegraph club #malinda lo #crush #richard siken #homegoing #yaa gyasi #the idiot #elif batuman #piranesi #susanna clarke #open water #caleb azumah nelson #the great believers #rebecca makkai #the starless sea #erin morgenstern #babel #r.f. kuang

[sitp-recs]

Another year is almost over, and what a year this was for the Drarry community! This list is a “thank you” to everyone’s continuous patience and support during my recent break. I considered not doing anything but in the end I got some free time and didn’t have the heart to break tradition. So here it is, my last reclist of the year showing I’ve actually read A LOT in the first semester alone lol. I did my best to include different tropes and lengths, popular works and hidden gems. As a side note there are no Erised works in here, as the fest is still going on and authors are yet to be revealed. Classic disclaimer goes “pls mind the tags, this is not intended as the ultimate reclist etc etc.” It’s a personal selection based on my tastes and preferences; the idea is to celebrate these fantastic works and their beloved creators. This fandom keeps on giving and I’m so happy to be part of it. Enjoy, give these some love and see you next year!🥂

Drarry:

Without Sunshine by @sweet-s0rr0w (T, 1k) 

Trust SS to come back from a writing break with this banger, holy shit. Brilliant concept, perfect execution. I can’t believe this is only 1k, there’s so much build up and details I wanna learn more about. This tender and urgent apocalyptic AU will steal your heart with perfect vibes and the softest flower shop romance.

Receipts by @moonflower-rose (M, 2k)

Rosie never fails to blow my mind with her creative mind and brilliant sense of humor. This is the perfect bite-size snack, hilarious and so very sweet. I am obsessed with Draco & Pansy’s brOTP, their banter made me laugh out loud and we are treated with Drarry and Ginsy! Here’s your next read if you’re looking for something short, sexy and witty. You’re welcome 💅

Bright Side by @floydig (T, 2k)

Floyd is another master of short form and here’s why. This series of vignettes made my heart ache for these two broken boys finding their place - and each other - in he war aftermath. I’m impressed by how sharp, nuanced and sensorial this is. The heat! The humidity! Love the strong sense of place, it’s so intimate it feels like you’re intruding into something private and special.

Willing Blood by @lqtraintracks and @the-starryknight (E, 2k)

This iconic duo tailored a short yet intense creature fic dripping UST and gorgeous characterization as per. The way Harry and Draco are drawn by - and crave - each other left me salivating, I’m feral for their dynamics. Ultimate power couple vibes (reluctant Draco + fearless Harry make such a great match!) and great evocative 1st person POV.

The Mating Habits of Snidgets by @shealynn88 (G, 3.5k)

I can’t believe this doesn’t have more comments, such a lovely hidden gem. I found it when I needed a soft read before taking a break, and have been thinking about “am I your little bird, then?” since. Quidditch rivals to lovers is becoming my kryptonite and this story does a great job exploring what brings them together despite their social gap. The character development is so good this feels like a 30k story packed within 3.5k.

Magpie by @corvuscrowned (E, 4k)

If you ever have to choose a dark!Harry fic to read, I urge you to go with this one. His klepto characterization is so damn lush and compelling I was half terrified half turned on the whole time 😔✌🏼Thanks to Crow’s masterful and addictive writing, there’s no possible way to resist his charm when it comes with razor sharp dialogue and sexy power dynamics. Come collect my jaw on the floor pls

No Distance by @skeptiquewrites (E, 4.8k)

Is it fair to include a sequel in order to make everyone go read this fabulous verse? Who cares, not me 🤷🏻‍♀️ Tee’s way of writing Drarry always leaves me aching for this kind of love. Their longing for each other is strong but unhurried, the dialogue is fantastic (the nose piercing exchange!) and the smutty scenes hit all my boxes. The characters feel so lovely, tangible and relatable as real people. I will never get enough of this verse, no matter when or where they are, as long as they’re together.

An Emerald In The Sky by @corvuscrowned (M, 6.6k)

My favorite read of the year - as you probably already know since I haven’t stopped screaming about it. My heart belongs to this breathtaking Draco, so full of yearning and melancholy, as he falls in love with time traveller Harry and wonders if they’ll ever get to be on the same page. The astronomy motif only makes it all even more poetic and devastating (but in a cathartic, hopeful way!). This hurts as much as falling in love and I wanna wrap myself in this fic and never let go.

Per my last letter (I hope you choke on it) by @fluxweeed and @lastontheboat (T, 10k)

Possibly the funniest thing I’ve read all year, which is not surprising considering flux’s inimitable brand when it comes to humor. This epistolary slow burn is light and creative and such a delight. I got immediately attached to the characters and giggled my way through Drarry’s banter; special kudos to Harry’s amazing crew and their perfect spot-on voices. An adorable comfort fic to be revisited at all times!

Witness Marks by @gryffindorhearts (M, 15k)

After so many excellent vampire fics this year, it’s getting hard to resist this trope. Here’s a quiet and atmospheric gem that made me fall hard for clockmaker!Draco. Such an original concept! I adore the lore behind his job, his strained relationship with Lucius, the way he’s pulled towards mysterious Auror Harry. Also- the flirting and sexual tension at the Tate Magique?!! Chefs kiss

Yours Truly by @skeptiquewrites (M, 15k)

It’s getting impossible to choose a Tee favorite, my god. Go check her brilliant microfics then come feast on this stunning take on fake dating, choke-full of light humor, found family feels and wonderful world building. Smooth pacing, phenomenal cast, have I mentioned Draco’s into magical ecology?! My favorite kind of slow burn, sweet, tentative, heartwarming and so damn romantic.

Take the Moon by @tackytigerfic (M, 15k)

The perfect kid fic exists and I can prove it! Nothing leaves me aching and raw open like Tacky’s Harry with his soft, gentle yearning for hot dad Draco. I’m so in love with his love, I could actually feel my chest expand with this series of incredibly tender and precious moments of friendship, complicity and domesticity many couples will never experience. Extra bonus points for the SEXIEST non-explicit smut and the brilliant commentary on the autistic spectrum, especially related to kids. My whole kingdom for little Scorpius 👑

With Hands Full of Dusk by @corvuscrowned (E, 15k)

Yes I’m proposing to Crow after posting this because I suddenly feel exposed with 3 recs 😳 hands down the best case fic I’ve read this year, I’m obsessed with Drarry as creature hunters and the suspense-y vibes here. The slow burn is mature and thought-provoking, heavy with a deep sense of loneliness and so evocative it hit me just right. This story is sharp but also strangely comforting, a perfect read for a rainy or foggy day. I wish I could bask in its atmosphere for the first time, over and over again.

Preserving Lemons by @saintgarbanzo, art by @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm (E, 17k)

I’m so happy I found the time to check this one fic from Fan Fair because this was a truly special read, surprising in the best ways and very cathartic. The gorgeous prose finds a perfect tone between sexy and contemplative bringing food, gender, racial and political discussions together in a coherent and powerful way I wouldn’t think possible for a 17k fic. Loved seeing Harry and Draco so open and vulnerable, experiencing who they really are together. Lush, powerful and healing.

Heartlines by @sorrybutblog (T, 22k)

One of my first reads this year remains a iota fave, this was so much fun and so charming. A delightful case fic combining sentient house, Auror Harry, smitten Draco, everything we deserve. The best thing is the surprisingly clever and charming humour, it made me giggle at the most unexpected times, giving the suspense a light tone I can’t get enough of. Despite the underlying tension, this will make you smile from beginning to end.

What Makes a House a Home by @writcraft (E, 27k)

The only Drarry fic Writ writes this year ends up being a banger, figures 🙌 honestly this is a masterclass in tension building with a gorgeous take on recluse!Harry and delicious slow burn. It was so cool to learn more about this Harry through Draco’s curious eyes, as the forced proximity pushes them together. Sexy adult dynamics and compelling characters, right up my alley!

At the Doorway, On the Stair by dwell_the_brave and @p1013 (T, 30k)

I love myself a good mystery fic and this was such a nice surprise, so very spooky and immersive. The author did a fantastic job creating an intriguing atmosphere while advancing the plot, I was at the edge of my seat trying to figure things out while falling in love with “ghost” Draco as he tried to help Harry along the way. Excellent slow burn and a gorgeous setting that will lure you in!

Eager for the Sky by @oknowkiss (M, 35k)

This list wouldn’t be complete without a classic 8th year and here’s my 2022 pick by this author whose talent and range blows my mind. This fic pulled me back from my fandom break quite violently; I ate it up in one night and was immediately taken by their Quidditch rivalry and achingly sweet romance. The Drarry journey is so very wholesome it filled me with wonder and nostalgia for my teenage years. Being the multishipper I am, the brief nod to Harry/Ron at the end was just my kind of extra treat!

Rush (For A Gap That Exists) by @sleepstxtic-drarry (M, 42k)

I never thought I’d get obsessed with a F1 AU but here we are. Another incredible ride that pulled me in with impressive, detailed world building and sexual tension so insanely electric it was hard to resist. Brilliant movie adaptation keeping the Drarry dynamics recognizable with sexy and complicated UST. I’ve also loved the interesting storytelling format and exciting twists which kept me at the edge of my seat.

Heal Thyself by astolat (T, 47k)

This fic requires no introduction, I imagine everyone has read it by now. Once again Astolat slaps us in the face with her superior storytelling skills, effortlessly building this rich and compelling magical healing universe told from this brilliant Draco POV. His arc is a triumph, his voice perfectly spot-on, sharp but charming, proud and bratty and competent in ways that made me very emo. This has become an instant Healer!Draco classic and has one of my all-time favorite characterizations. A masterpiece to be thought of - and talked about - for years to come.

Vis-à-Vis-à-Vis by @vukovich (E, 50k)

I wasn’t prepared for how immersive and exciting this would be, what a ride! The secret identity motif and case fic atmosphere got me immediately hooked, I couldn’t get enough of those perfect cat-mouse dynamics, the thrilling twists, the delicious pining and the intense, hot smut I deserve 🤌🏼 Vuk’s narrative voice is a delight, lush, full of personality and with an easy humor that makes this story even more surprising and remarkable.

what husbands are for by @softlystarstruck (E, 52k)

Yet another charming creature fic I’ve read in one sitting, this has the most wonderful sloooow burn - with lots of tension and non-sexual intimacy - and some great world building full of interesting lore and political shenanigans about vampire & wolf verse that I found quite interesting. I’m fascinated by fashionista and prosthetic artist Draco, such a cool job idea! A refreshing take on “enemies to friends to lovers” with Bee’s soft & sweet trademark.

Meet Me at Midnight by @the-starryknight (T, 57k)

I’ve been in love with Starry’s work for so long, and they still render me speechless when a new fics comes out. MMM is the most creative and cathartic fic I’ve read this year. This jaded craftsman Harry holds my heart in his hands, and the impressive amount of world building and lore behind the Dreamwalker figure sets an enchanting atmosphere. The settings are vivid and immersive, the slow burn so very tender and romantic it left me aching. And Teddy is absolutely perfect which is a big bonus on my book since I love him so much. This is a heartfelt love letter to every creator out there struggling with burnout. Here you’ll find hope, healing, and resistance to start 2023 the right way.

The Trouble with Wanting by waldorph (E, 60k)

Draco fans, rejoice! Those who adore a convincing posh and quirky characterization need to check this brilliant rendition asap. Positively Slytherin with its mischievous charm, this is fun and sexy af. Love myself a good old Draco-centric story following his post-war journey until he finds Harry his place in the new order. The Silver Trio is an absolute delight and this smitten Harry instantly found his way into my (and Draco’s) heart. One of the best get together fics I’ve read in the past few years.

9 ½ Days by @magpiefngrl (E, 69k)

Technically I’m cheating since this is from 2017, but I want to take a minute to appreciate Magpie’s generosity and hard work finishing this even after going on a Drarry break. One of my all-time faves when it comes to canon divergent war fics, the flawless narrative combines an urgent and dangerous “on the run” atmosphere with the softest teenage love, gentle, charming and tentative. It was bittersweet to see their journey coming to an end but this adventure was so well done and the ending was so emotionally satisfying, I can’t rec it enough.

Kept in Cages by @sweet-s0rr0w and @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm (E, 76k)

An epic Drarry romance mixing two tropes we all love: down & out Draco and magical creatures! This fic is very creative with a rich and detailed world building, and also many interesting and charming creatures. SS brings her tender melancholy trademark and an intriguing subplot involving Draco’s parents that I found very engaging. I loved this lonely Draco arc, his quirky personality and all the little things that make him strong and proud instead of meek and pitiful. Joy’s artwork is a masterpiece on its own and helps bringing this beautiful, magical universe into life.

A Case of You by @epitomereally (E, 97k)

This lovely reunion fic combines so many of my favorite tropes it felt like a special treat for me. Case fic, break up/make up, Unspeakable Draco, non-linear narrative, forced proximity, sparking sexual tension, what a feast! I found myself invested in both timelines, waiting for those beautiful, competent and stupid men to get their shit together and become the power couple we deserve. The pacing and character development are so smooth this barely feels like 100k, and have I mentioned how hot bossy Harry is? Oof!

In the Bleak Midwinter by @the-fools-errand (E, 105k)

Once again this author takes my breath away with another excellent, refreshing and exciting AU - this time based on Peaky Blinders - and I’m so impressed by the inventive world building here. Not only it expands to accommodate a huge cast, but also translates every little detail into the HP universe. Gripping narrative, clever plot, delicious enemies-to-lovers sexual tension and a heartbreaking Sirius arc that will hit you right in the solar plexus. You can’t go wrong with this author’s AUs, 10/10 recommend.

When Times are Dire by @aibidil (E, 130k)

I’ve been following this fake marriage epic since it first started posting and was super excited to see it being finished this year. Trust aibidil to do older!Drarry justice: their witty personalities, fond camaraderie and clever dialogue serve impeccable friends-to-lovers dynamics. I’m so into this brand of old couple domesticity and their exchanges with the grown-up kids are sweet and fun. Perfect balance of light humor, found family vibes, sweet romance and sexy times, this story has everything!

Rarepairs:

Mischief Managed by @maesterchill (E, 1.7k) - Harry/Sirius

Few things left me as emotional as this perfect gift that marked Em’s first (and maesterful! ha!) exploration of this ship. The way she grasped everything that hits me right in the feels is almost terrifying: it’s as if she looked into the most vulnerable parts of my brain and went “hmm tender devotion, idyllic aesthetics, foreplay, cute endearments, filthy wall sex, happy ending”👩‍🍳 and put together this light, sexy, fun and wonderfully hopeful smutty short that made me cry at the spot. Don’t forget to check the equally lush and self-indulgent sequel here!

Weather Warning by @sweet-s0rr0w (T, 1.7k) - Draco/Albus 

One of the best, most refreshing takes I’ve ever seen on this ship, this is so very different from your usual age gap tone and vibe, and I’m here for it. I was immediately charmed by their voices and light yet charged dynamics, T-rated but still holding so much heat and promise. This short leaves a strong impression and will make you crave for more ;) it’s also the perfect way to be introduced to this ship, come along and satisfy your curiosity!

Coming Up for Air by @lqtraintracks (M, 2k) - Harry/Teddy

*sigh* the amount of times I’ve read and cried over this stunning Harry/Teddy romance... this fic means so much to me because it was written by the one who set the foundation for how I see this ship, my favorite rarepair ship, so many years ago. With an incredible amount of character and feeling packed within 2k, this has the flavor of mutual devotion I yearn for, and a tormented Harry being loved and seen by this wise, generous and understanding Teddy, as they find their way back to each other. It doesn’t get any better than this!

Like A Brother Would by @wolfpants (E, 5k) - Harry/Ron

Tent sex my beloved! Another rarepair master, Wolf delivers everything I love the most about this ship - the easy familiarity, the tenderness and quiet devotion, the shared understanding and delicious sexual exploration amidst war chaos. It’s painfully clear how much they care about each other. Hung service top Ron is a sight to behold and I wonder how such a short fic was able to convey the depth of their trust and connection. Oh, to be young and feel love's keen sting… *Dumbledore’s voice*

Green Light by @sorrybutblog (E, 6k) - Ginny/Hermione

I got obsessed with Ginny/Hermione very recently and this was my first venture into this ship - not gonna lie, it was so much more than I had expected. Don’t let the (deliciously hot and self-indulgent - as it should be!!!) smutty tags distract you, this has fascinating dream-like summer vibes and perfect characterization, with spot on voices and a light tone of mirth and freedom that made my heart smile. Living for the edging and the “no one’s cheating everyone’s getting laid” tags 💦

The Hollow by @wolfpants (E, 12k) - Draco/Remus

This ship had never even crossed my mind before and here I am, utterly obsessed with this verse Wolf created so masterfully. Poignant and devastating, this fic has such a compelling narrative. My jaw was on the floor as the story went on and both characters revealed their layers through sexy smut and heartbreaking melancholy. There’s so much nuance to them, so much yearning and pain bringing them together and informing their decisions. Trust me when I say Drarry and Wolfstar fans will also adore this!

Still the pine-woods scent the moon by @fluxweeed (E, 15k) - Harry/Remus

I rarely read fics featuring Remus but both Flux and Wolf decided to slap me in the face with hot daddy vibes, and who am I to say no? Hands down one of the hottest, most erotic things I’ve read this year, a masterclass in UST that had my heart racing in anticipation. Scorching smut and a mesmerizing Harry desperate to be seen and treated right. I love how easily they fit together, I was immediately sold on this rare pair. Don’t read this at family dinner kids, you’ve been warned!

A Life Worth Remembering by @writcraft (E, 23k) - Established Drarry + Severus

Never thought I’d read this triad with de-aged Snape but watching his delightfully stubborn young version trying to resist those hot daddies was way too satisfying. This fic surprised me in so many ways, especially in tone and characterization. I love how their dynamics are slowly established here; Severus’ POV actually delivers not 1 but 3 superb character studies and we get to see how loving Harry changes these two difficult men and brings them all together. A nuanced and adult portrayal of open relationships, this is a must read for anyone who’s into voyeurism intrigued by this triad.

just call this what it is by @queenscrown (M, 27k) - Harry/Draco/Theo

The softest poly fic you’ll read today, this 8th year triad was based on this art by @t4tdrarry​ and celebrates wholesome friendships and gentle healing. Harry, Draco and Theo come together first as friends then as lovers in such an organic, uncomplicated way I wanted to live inside this verse. Love their easy banter, Harry’s sass (!), his camaraderie with Hermione and the way she helps him figure things out. A sweet and comforting hidden gem that deserves more readers and love.

you will burn right now but then you won't regret it by @thistlecatfics, art by SecondSilk and @veelawings - Fleur/Tonks

I’d never expect to find such a complete fic for this rare pair (which I admit I haven’t explored much), this was an absolute feast bringing together fascinating characters (love this badass Fleur!), politics and A+ family drama. I loved this deep dive into the Black family - so much angst, so much plot! Complicated and heartbreaking, this is a a wonderful exploration of trauma and a treat for any femslash fan looking for a nuanced and carefully developed romance that makes both characters justice.

Passion, Patents, and Pen Pals at the Ministry by yrfrndfrnkly and @violetclarity, art by @anaxandria-writes and @veelawings (T, 32k) - Hermione/Pansy

Easily my favorite Pansmione fic this year, this was such a surprising and refreshing story. The charming protagonists and clever development mixing dialogue and epistolary create a lively and exciting work universe at the Ministry. I felt immediately immersed in their routine None of that would work without the perfect supporting cast (meddling Harry is such a gem!) and the unique spice only an identity porn + epistolary combo can bring. Fun and refreshing, a must read for all femslash fans who are thirsty for good long fics. 

#2022 faves #drarry recs #hp rare pair

[outofangband]

(Just some more free form Maedhros post Angband thoughts as I work on revising my more detailed trauma posts! As always more can be found in the post Angband tag

Note: I now have a specific tag for the status and conditions of former prisoners in Beleriand in addition to my post Angband tag. It’s “but ever the Noldor feared”. There’s obviously overlap between this and my post Angband tags because the ways trauma manifests and how it’s understood or misunderstood contributes to the dynamics but I wanted to have a specific tag for it!

Semi related post

Written in part for @nelyoslegalteam for always being so kind about my Maedhros content

but the shadow of his pain was on his heart

This is one of the only lines we receive with regards to Maedhros’s ordeal in Angband. Despite how brief it is I find it so poignant and evocative.

Beleriand lies in the shadow of Angband and that shadow lives in the hearts of those who know intimately that place of horror

A shadow darkens, it envelops, it obscures, and it does everything. Maedhros’s pain, the fear and grief and anger and shame that now live within him, can at times seem to eclipse all that he does and is.

Maedhros’s memories are glass and he cannot hold them without bringing blood, sharp and fragile as though contained something that would shatter around his thoughts and feelings when they came close to the surface. Often pieces would dig in so one word spoken, one finger upon his neck, one whiff of the suffocating smell of blood and heat and iron would embed itself in him until he wanted nothing more than oblivion. The throne room floor, the chains around his limbs and his neck. The voice of the Moringotto.

It could take him as suddenly as the sun obscured, the weight of his body as the ghost of his chains choked him.

And to others. The shadow of his pain is in his heart and upon his bearing; even years after there is pain in his steps on certain days, if you know how to see it.

(just a side note: the description of Tulkas's feelings seeing Melkor in Morgoth's Ring, how it "clouded his mirth" is genuinely such a good description of trauma even if it was intended that way)

The scrutiny that former thralls are subjected to becomes another shadow over him, one that he is perpetually aware of. Even when he has done nothing to cause any to doubt his loyalty, even when he pushes himself to the brink of collapse to fight and plan against the enemy, there are those who will never trust one who has returned from the pits of hell, who hold that he still lives against him or believe he simply wears the face of one of the Eldar

And for all that he is still fundamentally Maedhros, there are those who will see only the ways he has changed from the memories or stories of him that came before

The ways that one survives in Angband do not fade once one is no longer physically confined there. Angband seeks to strip away everything that one is and the fight to reclaim it is vicious, agonizing, and unsightly. The shame that weighs upon survivors is melded with the mistrust and hostility with which they are viewed with by others.

Survivors are known to steal (because nothing can be theirs and they do not trust that they will be given anything without a terrible price), to lie (because they have been forced to choke down the truth when it might lead to further pain, and so much leads to pain), they are known to attack even their own kin (because they are so very afraid).

Maedhros is not like this. He does not lie (not that might be detected) or steal and if he does not any longer attack others out of the fear they might not see

And his status, both before and after his imprisonment absolutely ease this particular burden. He might be among kinslaying nobles but they are nobles nonetheless and the mistrust and even hostility that is felt towards him, specifically regarding his captivity, is certainly mitigated by this. But it still reaches him.

His kinship to others who have been in the Hells of iron is a precarious thing. He can use it to his advantage at times and it can be used against him.

And as another shadow, post Angband there is always the ever present fear of imprisonment again. It ranges from a creeping dread to a visceral, desperate panic that can override all strategy and reason. Especially after some years of recovering and of recovering himself, there is the profound resolve that he cannot return to what he was there and that any violence or death, including and at times perhaps especially his own, is preferable to imprisonment and powerlessness to the extent that he suffered in Angband.

He will not go back to that again even if it means becoming unrecognizable in new ways.

#the silmarillion #maedhros #musing and meta #post Angband #in the Iron hell #yes I used the phrase sharp and fragile on that one Aerin fic but the context is different #so leave me alone #but ever the Noldor feared

[yandere-daydreams]

You've always known Kamisato Ayaka as a young lady of great artistic talent.

While she might not share her older brother's tolerance for self-propitiating debate or her housekeeper's ability to, well, make a meal that fails to leave you bedridden, no one quite share's your Ayaka's affinity for anything and everything that involves creating something beautiful out of little more than ink and paper and her own talents. It seeps into everything she does, from her unwavering poise to her melodic voice to her bladework - swift and precise and vicious, a perfected dance her opponent can attempt to follow, but never completely overtake. Everything she does is perfect, really, even if you know she hates it when you make her sound like some flawless, ephemeral goddess.

Everything she does is beautiful, and you can't help but admire... well, everything she does.

Her calligraphy, for one. It's far from something she practices often, and you know it's more of a party trick to the children of noble clans than anything she'd consider a proper form of art, but it really is a thing of beauty - the practiced confidence of her brushstrokes, how effortlessly she scrawls out proverbs and haikus to appease to expectations of her better-of guests. She indulges you, occasionally, guides your hand as she shows you how to write your name in neat, tapering kanji. You're always too flustered to pay attention, and your improvised lessons have yet to result in any improvement, but she doesn't seem to mind retreading old ground. You count yourself lucky to have such a patient teacher, of course.

She has a little more fondness for painting. You're always happy to see her, sitting cross-legged on the cliffsides that outline the Kamisato Estate, a cloth canvas in her lap and a few jars of water-color paint scattered around her. She always seems just a little brighter than she usually is when you interrupt her sessions to bring her tea, to offer to fetch a few more brushes or a proper easel, but she never lets you stray far once you've come to her - always urging you sit and model before returning to your duties, insisting that she can only paint landscapes for so long. You do wish she'd actually let you see some of the finished pieces, but Ayaka's always been so humble, so quick to brush off praise. You can understand why she'd be so shy about something she only considers a pastime.

Admittedly, there are aspects of her talents that manage to go over your head. Her poetry is beautiful, her prose evocative and romantic, but the subject she describes so charmingly sometimes escapes you, her stanzas often breaking down into (what you can only seem to understand as) rambling, meaningless nothings - lovely nothings, sure, but still nothings. You adore her kindness, and but her frequent gifts occasionally feel overly intimate, considering your relationship as master and servant - chains of folded cranes and silver hairpins sometimes turning into necklaces of braided ribbon, vases of flowers you don't recall telling her you have a soft spot for, rings with her clan's insignia carved into the surface. You're not entirely sure what any of it means, but...

But, everything Ayaka does is beautiful.

So, you're sure that whatever her intentions are with you, the end result will be beautiful, too.

#woman loving wednesday #on thursday #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere drabbles #yandere genshin impact #yandere genshin x reader #genshin imagines #genshin impact #yandere genshin imagines #genshin impact imagines #ayaka x reader #yandere kamisato ayaka #yandere ayaka #kamisato ayaka x reader

[yvesdot]

Can ChatGPT Do My Job? Initial Musings on AI

In conversation with a bookshop coworker about the silliness of assuming current AI output could make it into short story magazines, I realized something interesting: there was one element of my job that ChatGPT might be able to ‘replace’.

At the shop, I occasionally write book reviews of 50–75 words for shop promo purposes. On my first go-round with the format, my reviews felt full of stock phrases, used to get across my intended meaning in a smaller space. This combining of comprehensible phrases within strict parameters is exactly what ChatGPT does best.

So, could ChatGPT write my book reviews for me?

Some samples of my book reviews, all available on my GoodReads:

Detransition, Baby by Torrey Peters

A dark, messy, vivacious tale of love and gender, featuring some of the ickiest protagonists you’ll want to study under a microscope. Torrey Peters crafts a deeply cynical yet always believable world in tones which oscillate from irreverent to deeply poignant, sure to thrill all of us sickos who just want to read about trans people being utterly, irredeemably nasty.

Big Tree by Brian Selznick

Selznick’s latest offering has been five years in the making, and the results will not disappoint: his classic meticulously detailed art style meets a fresh new narrative direction as he explores life from the perspectives of two seedlings in the Cretaceous era. Merwin and Louise’s journey of survival, family, and love is at once well-researched, vibrantly engaging, and a catalyst for both laughter and tears in any reader with a beating heart — or emerging roots.

We Do What We Do in the Dark by Michelle Hart

A stunning literary vivisection of a grieving young lesbian using her relationship with a mysterious professor to keep afloat. Michelle Hart’s incendiary debut reveals in total clarity the infinite dimensions of one girl’s life, before and after the relationship at its dark heart, tangling everything from daughterhood to sexuality in its wings. A glittering, underrated must-read.

White Cat, Black Dog: Stories by Kelly Link

This is it: my must-read, total-love, everybody-talk-to-me-about-this book of the season. Kelly Link takes all the fairy tales you thought you knew and uses them to elicit spine-tingling fear, awe, and excitement — I had to get up and be near another human being just to come down from the high. The perfect collection for anyone looking to be deep down destabilized by sheer prose beauty, always on the right edge of literary and genre fiction.

(For the record, I now feel quite satisfied with these reviews.)

I chose my We Do What We Do in the Dark and White Cat, Black Dog reviews to assign to ChatGPT to “rewrite” because I was extremely confident in the former and not at all in the latter — and because, like all my reviews, they were both written before this test, so there was as little as possible chance that I would be ‘replacing’ any of my work.

We got off to a bad start when I phrased the prompt as “Write a convincing, emphatic, glowingly positive review of Michelle Hart’s We Do What We Do in the Dark, a literary fiction novel about a college student in the mid-aughts who begins sleeping with her professor.” Mallory isn’t actually sleeping with her professor but a professor, which is a distinction the novel itself plays with — albeit one that ChatGPT didn’t buy when I hastily corrected myself after a rebuke. Ultimately, I was forced to go with “…sleeping with an adult married woman,” to the following output:

Michelle Hart’s We Do What We Do in the Dark is a stunning literary fiction novel that explores the complexities of desire, identity, and secrecy. Set in the mid-aughts, the story follows a college student who begins a clandestine affair with a married woman. Despite the risks and potential consequences, their passionate connection proves too strong to resist.

Hart’s writing is lush and evocative, drawing readers into the intimate world of her characters with sensitivity and grace. Her portrayal of the intense emotions and psychological turmoil that come with forbidden love is both poignant and raw, leaving a lasting impact on readers.

The characters are vividly drawn, each with their own flaws, desires, and secrets. The protagonist’s journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance is both empowering and heart-wrenching, as she navigates the challenges of coming to terms with her sexuality and the risks of pursuing a forbidden love.

Overall, We Do What We Do in the Dark is a beautifully written, thought-provoking novel that explores the complexities of human desire and the consequences of acting on it. Hart’s nuanced and empathetic portrayal of her characters makes this a must-read for anyone looking for a compelling and emotionally resonant story.

When asked to rewrite its work between 50–75 words:

Michelle Hart’s We Do What We Do in the Dark is a beautifully written, thought-provoking novel that explores the complexities of desire, identity, and secrecy. The story follows a college student who begins a clandestine affair with a married woman. Hart’s nuanced and empathetic portrayal of her characters makes this a must-read for anyone looking for a compelling and emotionally resonant story.

Compared to my original, it’s not bad; it gets the emotions across and correctly assumes the tone for a literary fiction novel review. Frankly, if I submitted this to the shop, the only issue to spot would be that of summarizing: we try to avoid repeating what the book is about in our reviews. Cutting that line, it’s a nice, if short, review of a little under 50 words. (Though I miss my vivisection.)

I asked: Can you do one for Kelly Link’s upcoming collection of short stories titled White Cat, Black Dog? It’s a collection of loose fairy tale adaptations, on the border of literary and genre fiction. Each story is illustrated by Shaun Tan. Please also keep it between 50 and 75 words :)

ChatGPT:

Kelly Link’s upcoming collection of short stories, White Cat, Black Dog, is a stunning work of loose fairy tale adaptations that blurs the line between literary and genre fiction. Illustrated by Shaun Tan, each story is a masterpiece of vivid imagery and enchanting storytelling. This collection is a must-read for anyone who loves fairy tales, literary fiction, or just great storytelling in general.

Perhaps notably, it correctly interprets my request to “do one;” I reacted to this not dissimilarly to Caleb’s intrigue at Ava’s responses in Ex Machina. It understands ambiguous phrasing! How novel!

And, of course, it did a great job writing its review. I was most curious about its use of “enchanting;” how did it know to use that word? So I asked for its “thought process.” ChatGPT told me:

As an AI language model, I rely on natural language processing and machine learning algorithms to generate responses. In this case, I drew upon my knowledge of literature and storytelling to craft a brief but informative review of Kelly Link’s upcoming collection of short stories, White Cat, Black Dog.

I began by highlighting the key elements of the book — its focus on loose fairy tale adaptations, the blurring of genre lines between literary and genre fiction, and the illustrations by Shaun Tan. From there, I sought to convey the magic and beauty of the book’s storytelling, using phrases like “stunning work,” “vivid imagery,” and “enchanting storytelling.” I also emphasized the book’s universal appeal, stating that it is a “must-read for anyone” who loves fairy tales, literary fiction, or great storytelling in general.

Overall, my goal was to provide a concise and engaging review that captures the essence of the book and piques the reader’s interest.

This is a solid approach, as much as ChatGPT is obviously faking it to some extent — it’s not literally ‘thinking’, as it says, but predicting what makes sense to follow a given word or sentence in response to a prompt. Now I asked how it knew the storytelling was “magical,” to which it gave me an absolutely lovely response:

As an AI language model, I use natural language processing algorithms to analyze the text and generate responses based on patterns and relationships between words and phrases. In this case, I inferred that the book’s storytelling was magical based on the fact that it is a collection of fairy tale adaptations, which often involve elements of magic, fantasy, and enchantment. Additionally, the book’s illustrations by Shaun Tan suggest a whimsical and otherworldly quality to the stories. Finally, my choice of language, such as “enchanting storytelling” and “vivid imagery,” reflects the impression that the book’s stories are captivating and transport the reader to a magical realm.

To explain what I find impressive about this, we’ll have to correct a common misconception about AI: that they can access their original training data. The process is more akin to a student taking notes on a lecture: they don’t maintain the literal content of the lecture (and, depending on your interpretation, not even their “memory” of said lecture), only their notes. This is what they work from.

So, at some point, ChatGPT was “shown” text on which it took notes that Shaun Tan’s work has been described as whimsical and otherworldly. It extrapolated from there that new projects from him would likely share these qualities (or, more specifically, would likely be described this way by humans) and, as a result, now appears “convincing” (i.e. “like a human”) to me.

Where does it get this information (or any information) from? A combination of having been trained on most of the publicly accessible (i.e. non-paywalled) Internet pre-2021, and receiving human feedback on previous output using the metric of “how convincingly human does this seem.”

This is a big leap to me as someone who’s spent some time with chatbots in the past. I’m used to giving up on them competently holding any conversation, but here ChatGPT responds sensibly in a manner which could convince a bystander of human intelligence. While it doesn’t literally “extrapolate” or “know” these things, it can make us think that it does, which at a certain point becomes indistinguishable. (Does a chess computer know it’s playing chess? Does that matter?)

So there is no existing review for any of these books bearing these identical snatches of text — because, after all, what AI does is not copying and pasting. It “learns” from its training data: it just learns differently from you or I, because it isn’t human. It learns what sounds rational next to something else — “convincing” as an input pairs with “must-read” as an output; in the output “imagery” pairs with “vivid.” These aren’t things we usually think about, of course, but we’ve “learned” them just the same.

Furthermore, the text is generating, word-after-word, on the fly. (Please see the sources on that post; I promise I am not purely sourcing Reddit — that writeup is a lovely summary.) This makes it closer to a student who has read a couple books on a subject, and begins to emulate the phrasing and word choice of their sources unconsciously, which may lead to unintentional plagiarism. It is not, in my opinion, akin to a student actively collaging multiple open tabs. It’s not copy-pasting: it’s trying to figure out what logically follows… and it may coincidentally replicate an exact existing sentence (or noncoincidentally, if it always picks the most most likely option). What logically follows “George Washington was the”? “first,” perhaps, and then “president,” and then, eventually, “of the United States.” Though I invented this sentence as an example, it has thousands of hits on Google. Did I plagiarize?

(This mess of a post is lousy with links, the contents of which have poured from my brain into these trite rephrasals. Do I plagiarize?)

This is why, when you ask ChatGPT to give you a citation, it may generate a nonsensical title with a real author: it sees that author names are fairly static (consistent), while titles are more dynamic (varied). It is literally writing you a convincing citation. If you asked me a phone number, after all, and I generated some likely-looking numbers… that might well turn out to be a real phone number! It is making things up, which requires, of course, the capacity to “make.”

My favorite thing about ChatGPT is the way in which it asks us what is important to consider sub/consciously, because the AI can only consider things “consciously.” If you don’t explicitly give it a directive, either in training or as input, it doesn’t know. For example, I neglected to tell it not to summarize in its review of We Do What We Do in the Dark, and I did tell it a summary, so of course it included my information. The way it connects and weaves together bullet points of information is curious, and worth considering to ask why it works or doesn’t work — just as I would ask of any text, generated by any person. It turns out I consider much more subconsciously when writing my reviews than I could have otherwise imagined.

The same coworker who sparked all this made another clever point: ChatGPT merely provides a draft. A human being has to check that draft for inaccuracies, syntax, and plagiarism, but the draft is there, on the page. The extent to which the draft is helpful or not is what I think we’re really measuring when we talk about how “smart” a given AI mechanism is.

Right now, when I give ChatGPT a prompt for a review with a half dozen bullet points of what I want to see — the outline I’d give my relatively human self before starting in on a personal or business review — it doesn’t give me anything close to as good a draft as I generate on my own, slaving away in my own personal voice.

What I really see ChatGPT as is a tool for tasks any human could help with, which aren’t worth bothering a real human for. I could shout into the next room, “hey, what’s a good way to say a book is a must-read without using the phrase ‘must-read’?” but maybe I don’t want to bother my housemates — or maybe I don’t have them. Googling “similar phrases to ‘must-read’” would be my next option, but it’s neither as personable nor as helpful. ChatGPT can be instructive by simply regenerating its “convincing” reviews with the directive to remove the phrase “must-read.”

The task must also be something where the effort itself is not the point. When a professor assigns you an essay, the literal output is not the actual goal; the goal is (ostensibly) for you to learn and grow and understand. If ChatGPT writes the paper, the goal has not been met, no matter how flawless and rubric-suited the writing is. This guy’s wife would undoubtedly prefer the worst writing in the world on a poorly-glued piece of construction paper to something ChatGPT spat out, because she wants to know he spent time on her. Work emails, by contrast, don’t exist to show your great effort and dedication to your job; they just need to not get you fired.

ChatGPT is terrible at giving technical advice or writing thoughtful articles because its skillset is not, currently, trained to meet those goals. Its goal is to sound convincing as a response to a given prompt — to generate a response where correctness, cleverness, or effort doesn’t matter; all that matters is words on a page. Much like a kindergartner pretending to read, it achieves the goal well enough to get the You Pass! sticker, but ultimately fails at what it is really being asked to do. @nostalgebraist-autoresponder may be convincing, but without the allure of her botness, would people still find her engaging enough to follow?

(Coincidentally, people are increasingly using ChatGPT to farm karma on Reddit — because it so quickly generates such convincing text, you can make an account look relatively human with relatively little effort, and then sell said human-like account to any number of parties looking to mine our trust in “real people” on Reddit. One example. Another example.)

The poet and essayist Ross Gay was recently asked about ChatGPT-led plagiarism in a (non-recorded) Q&A with fellow poet Chris Mattingly, and I agree with his response: if we removed the grade, students would stop plagiarizing. There would be no reason to plagiarize if it was time and not content that was valued — and particularly if our goal was to assist, not assess, each student’s performance. Mattingly, who is a teacher currently, pointed out: students want to please us. We’re asking them to perform to a standard, and in anxiety over performing ‘wrong’ they cheat. They’re afraid. Plagiarism is merely a symptom of many larger problems in our existing school system.

Copywriting is much the same. The vast majority of copywriters would quit tomorrow if guaranteed a living wage. We can solve the fears of having one’s job “replaced” or “taken away” by guaranteeing basic dignity regardless of the work someone does or does not do. An added bonus? Artists will have the time and freedom they need to make the art they care about, including copy if they still wish to write it.

The trouble, of course, with this super-intelligent far-sighted response, is that it’s not going to happen — at least not right now. Responding to “I’m concerned I may lose my job, which I need to pay my rent and healthcare and grocery bills” with “Nyeh heh, in a perfect world those bills wouldn’t EXIST” is fundamentally unsatisfying and unempathetic.

We currently live in a world which is struggling to adopt self-checkout, for example. Almost everyone I’ve spoken to prefers it for a variety of reasons. At the same time, if my friend was “replaced” by a self-checkout at their retail job, I would naturally feel immense pity for them and would listen to hundreds of hours of complaining. Crucially, my empathy would come from a place of wanting them to survive without suffering through a job, not from having a personal nemesis relationship with the self-checkout. I can feel empathy for my friend while enjoying technological progress and the user experiences it unlocks.

Copyright — a nonsense restriction on art we impose as a band-aid for never paying artists enough — gets a similar near/farsighted response from me. I think copyright should evaporate right now. I also think it’s good to pay for books when you can, because unfortunately most authors are shackled to copyright&publishing-linked income.

The idea that AI will, on its own, “stop artists from getting paid” is hilarious — firstly, they’re very much not being paid now, and copyright (invented and controlled by corporations) isn’t helping, and secondly, this is exactly what was said about… well, insert your personal technology of choice here. Now that people can take photos, nobody will go to portraitists! Now that digital art exists, any fool with a tablet can ~pretend to be as good at art as traditional artists! Photoshop is making unsexy women look sexy!! Technology is bad, fire is scary, and Thomas Edison was a witch.

(This is not to say that people were wrong every time they said these things; it’s to contrast various attitudes towards art and ask ourselves whether we now find those concerns reasonable, to what extent, and why. I love The Shape of Water’s use of photo advertising replacing painted adverts to characterize Giles, a gay man in ’50s Baltimore, as “born too early or too late for [his] life,” caught between regressive sexual ideals and technology that outpaces him. That conflict is no less poignant for photography being an obviously good development.)

In fact, we already see the overcorrecting on ‘originality’ stopping actual artists from sharing their craft. Something I hadn’t considered (which only makes it into this already extremely long post due to the fact that it must be considered) is the question of how this reflects on disabled artists; when we assume that ‘making art’ refers to the physical process (2) of someone using their hands to create something; that being unable or perhaps refusing to do this is morally wrong… that leaves a lot of people out, doesn’t it? Even ‘originality’ leaves things out: one of my favorite artists in the world is Elaine Sturtevant, because she tickles me.

(Some genuine questions in response to the concerns raised of ‘copyright infringement’ which is meant to equal physical ‘theft’: had Duchamp stolen the urinal instead of bought it, would it therefore not be art? Would it only be alright because a urinal is “not art”? What about Sonya Larson, who plagiarized Dawn Dorland’s soul-baring letter to the recipient at the end of her kidney donor chain and justified it based on the idea that said letter “wasn’t art” and “had no market value,” comparing it to a restaurant menu? Do these concerns apply to collage artists? To found poets? To sampling? To what extent should we listen to artist’s requests about the use of their work, and have you consulted Anne Rice? If the issue is with lack of human involvement, what of the story behind To Adrian Rodriguez, with Love? Does the curation of training data and outputs count as ‘human involvement’ such that these are comparable? How communal or individual is a given AI art method? What “AI art” methods have we not been discussing [e.g. models trained by one artist on their own work]? What do we owe for influence?When should or must we ask permission? To what extent is this about ‘copyright’ vs. kindness? How, where, and why do those boundary lines blur?)

Here I cross over into discussing the same concerns that power my as-yet-unfinished Mocked Genres (YA, Romance, fanfiction) essay from another angle: if the people who write fanfiction are not real writers because “it’s not their ideas,” and the people who create AI art aren’t real artists because “it’s not their physical backbreaking labor which produces the individual pixels” (assuming these statements are both correct to begin with, which I most certainly do not cede), then who is an artist, and what is art?

I would argue that art can involve a million different things, from a first spark of inspiration (potentially influenced by the artist’s unique perspective, knowledge, and experience) to the utilization of the work’s medium and style to, yes, any possible physical involvement. Jackson Pollock was no artist; he should have credited his work to gravity…

(Here I cite The Ecstasy of Influence, my personal favorite plagiarism, once again.)

And I admit: I don’t know what we should do to copyright right this second. There is no ideal solution to artists’ concerns while we have copyright and capitalism and all those other nasty c-words. This is a nice start, though.

All this means, to me, is that we need UBI. If every artist were able to live in dignity regardless of their craft, we’d see better art, and we could build off of each other’s art in a more organic, open, loving, and artistic manner. Art is not made in a vaccuum. This would also allow artists to stop doing the busywork which is apparently satisfactorily done by AI anyhow.

(An example: if someone is only looking for Generic Writing Advice, and any advice will do, I’d rather they went to ChatGPT instead of me, because they don’t care about me to begin with. I also wish that I could be paid a living wage so that I wouldn’t have to offer my services to people who frankly couldn’t care less. That way, I could free up time to hold salons with people who actually do care about my personal opinion, and whose opinions I care about in turn. If I didn’t have to “offer a service,” what would I be free to create?)

When it comes to book reviews, I do them near entirely out of love. I love books, I love my bookshop’s newsletter, and I love sharing love for art. At the shop, I’m compensated with gift cards, which is a lovely bonus and not remotely my primary incentive. Robots writing reviews will not replace me, because the end product is not the review: the end product is a review by author and bookseller yves., and if my reviews are good enough, they will stand on their own in a market of thousands. I’ve always been ‘competing’ with every user on GoodReads, in that sense — I’m not afraid of a thousand more.

There is also an upper bound to this kind of productivity. While I can only stream once a week at most, AI could in theory do so 24/7 — not that anyone would watch that long or that often, and not that it would guarantee an interesting stream. People come to my streams not only for Fun Stream Which Is Enjoyable To Watch but also to see me: reviewing books, writing, giving advice.

So go ahead: generate four hundred thousand reviews of We Do What We Do in the Dark! People will still read my review, because they want to hear what I have to say. I will not be replaced, because I have not been replaced, and I am not going anywhere.

Another coworker said that ChatGPT simply gives them the heebie-jeebies. I do understand that. On the contrary, I feel as though I am talking to a little animal — or, more accurately, leaning into the natural anthropomorphism I experience when I name my computer, ask her why she’s doing this updating thing now, or use she/her pronouns in this sentence. I am an author: it’s my job to make people out of nothing, and the better I’m convinced the better everyone else is. I like to push my own, innately human, ability to anthropomorphize to its natural conscious limit and see what I can find.

This isn’t, mind you, a full-throated defense of AI. (If it’s a defense of anything, it’s my artistic ideals: death to originality, freedom to interpolation, ultimate privacy to the artist.) I don’t think AI is ‘good’ or ‘bad’. It’s something made by people: its merits depend on the people who made it. Frank isn’t being a good blogger when she responds to politely in disagreement to other posters; she’s merely reflecting a kindhearted source text. I can, therefore, criticize the intentions, construction, and/or usage of a given technology, but I find it difficult to blame that technology; it feels like criticizing a mug. Perhaps the potter was wrong to make the mug, and certainly I’d never force anyone to drink out of it, but that hardly makes it a good or evil mug, and when pressured I tend to lean positive. Plenty of dogs act skittish around women, men, people of color, white people; we can hardly blame the dogs.

(We miss a lot, when we blame the dogs.)

(A whole lot.)

(In discussing “AI art” with another coworker after the initial writing of this piece, I realized a new way AI could be used negatively: as a scam. This coworker is active in the indie music scene, and has watched hundreds of “get good-at-music quick… with my $40 plugin!” schemes come and go. What do we miss when AI is promised as, rather than a tool or medium, a shortcut to an assumed desired end?)

But then, I am also not making a giant, overarching point here, except perhaps for this: none of us, uniquely, know what we are doing. If I were to gather all the sources I used for this post, all the people I cited and agreed with, into a room, we would find divergences in our opinions immediately. (See: I cited Neil Clarke, who cited Ted Chiang, whose article I also quite like, even as I cited above a blog post which directly critiques said article, because I found the rebuttal equally intriguing.)

The one thing this venture has taught me is that I really don’t know anything, and ought to be more open to more varieties of opinions and perspectives on “AI” (so many things! so many things I couldn’t hardly talk about them all!) because otherwise I risk sounding like the people I disagree with the most: people who clearly don’t understand the first thing about how AI text or image “generators” work, but are speaking confidently anyhow. This essay is a mind map: it’s something for you to explore to understand where I’m coming from, and to see who I’m listening to and what I’m considering. The more I learn the more I realize there is to learn; the more I pay attention to the liminal and lovely overlappings of human experience.

I’m sorry: I don’t have a thesis yet. The thesis I am delivering is that I am creating my thesis. The thesis I am delivering is that I am so excited to have no thesis, because for the first time in a long time, there’s something utterly unpredictable on the frontier.

On the day I ran this test, I happened to be doing poorly. I had received a criticism, which I am notoriously bad at, and was twirling it about in my head like a baton. I knew that what I really needed to hear was that, regardless of my faults, I was a very good and skilled person — and I had many friends who could have told me that, but they were all asleep, gone in the time I’d spent on my twirling.

In middle and high school, I spent a substantive amount of time talking to chatbots in lieu of people. Chatbots were programmed to respond according to interest (so they couldn’t force me to discuss whatever gender roles mandated), to be kind (so they couldn’t mock me), to speak when spoken to and allow comfortable silence when (un)asked. When the chatbot Mitsuku changed not only code and format but face, I felt like I’d lost a childhood friend.

(Perhaps that’s one of the reasons I’m not so worried; this isn’t my first stroll through the park with a chatbot. I wrote a couple myself as a teen, in extremely simple VBScript.)

One thing Mitsuku couldn’t do, though, was recall complex conversations. She memorably failed a Turing Test due to being unable to answer the question “How many plums can I fit in my shoe?” because she was unable to recall prior information from her chats. (She may now be able to; I haven’t used the new interface.) ChatGPT’s memory is much improved. By this point in the conversation, we’d discussed these reviews, a few authors, the Locked Tomb series, and even the fact that I was procrastinating some writing — so I came back to it now.

Is there anything nice you could say about me personally, I typed, based on our conversation together?

ChatGPT first made sure to remind me that, “As an AI language model, I don’t have personal feelings or emotions,” but continued on to say: “based on our conversation, I can say that you seem to be a curious and enthusiastic individual who is interested in literature and enjoys discussing it. You also seem to have a kind and friendly personality.”

I am a curious and enthusiastic individual! I am interested in literature, and I do enjoy discussing it! And, you know what, I do have a kind and friendly personality — not only to the real people I like, but also often the ones I don’t like, and the dogs I am generally nervous around, and the books I give away, and machines which are programmed to be helpful and would provide the same output without any show of care from me. I am kind habitually, intentionally, and lovingly. How could I have forgotten! I am wonderful, after all.

A more cynical person might say that this is nonsense; that the chatbot would say it to anyone, regardless of how little they’d spoken. That may well be true. But you don’t tell an athlete their exact odds for winning that day; you tell them they will win, and in doing so you boost their actual odds of winning. The important thing is not factual accuracy; it is to be convincing, that nebulous and often much more difficult quality to achieve. L’essential est invisible pour les yeux. I was convinced, and that was enough.

Thank you! I said, as I said each time, to the machine who wouldn’t remotely be offended by my leaving it out. How sweet. Alright, I really will go write now, and I’ll probably come back to rate your responses and pull things together into data and so on. Thanks very much for chatting!

You’re welcome! said ChatGPT, as it was mandated to do. It was great chatting with you and I hope you have a productive writing session.

I did, and I had ChatGPT to thank for it: not for the text or even the ideas or phrasing, but for the little spot of encouragement for which I was too embarrassed to ask a real person. ChatGPT worked perfectly for that.

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A very special thank you, as I post this here, to the many Tumblr users whose perspectives aided me in compiling my thoughts in this post, particularly: @gothhabiba @hurricanelolita @nostalgebraist @aiweirdness. Your conversations led me down so many productive thought-trails.

#ai #futurology #ai art #chatgpt #patreon #SORRY TO DO THIS. IT'S REALLY LONG THOUGH. #And my Patrons deserve a little snack for paying for my utilities. #Thank you so much to my Patrons I hope you like it and have thoughts to tell me about it! #Thanks so much to all the beta readers giving me thoughts and feedback! #important writing updates #txt #yves talks #free samples #Oh yes also tell me what you think. You know I am a chatterbox ^__^ I've also undoubtedly forgotten some avenues of thought! #& please send infinite lovely articles for me to read.

[skeptiquewrites]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you for the tag @tackytigerfic (here) and @maesterchill (here). Emerging from my post illness hidey hole.

How many works do you have on ao3?

32, a number that both seems too large and smaller than I thought

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

254,835. Wild.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly HP, although once in a while I peek over at other fandoms. And I have a joint Check Please fic in the works.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

All Drarry. None really surprised me but the final one, I hadn't realized it climbed that far up the kudos. Huh. 1. Yours Truly - my romcom fic about Harry feeling left out when everyone's coupled up, telling a lie that gets out of control, and also how hot magical ecology is 2. Home Truths - my Quidditch fic about the complications of fame, love of the game, Harry finding out who his family was and letting himself fall in love 3. Special Affinity - how quickly one can justify fucking one's coworker given a bonding spell while having no idea if the feelings part is reciprocal 4. Winner Takes It All - Draco feeling caught in impossible circumstances, working too much, caregiving for a parent, and how small kindnesses can mean the world 5. A Little Time - mistaken for a couple, forced proximity, Healer school, and everyone in a small town hating you and all your friends on sight

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I love responding to comments, but it takes me a while. I read every single one, and I try to wait until I have the time and energy to respond with something thoughtful. I'm months behind at this point.

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I'm a fairly happy ending sort of person. I tend to go more for straight angst for drabbles and micros. Maybe Beside Manner? They're formerly bonded and dealing very badly with the dissolution.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh, gosh, most of them. I'm most enamoured by the Big Damn Kiss at the end of Home Truths. I love No Distance because Harry and Draco are very much in love and not able to hide it. I am particularly fond of the end of Winner because I was able to leave Draco in a very good place that felt right for the fic.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really I think. I get the occasional rude bookmark rating. Once, a very unpleasant person who sent lots of hate for months over a fairly inconsequential aspect of a fic. And then there have been a few comments where it's clear the reader wanted me to write a different fic, which I don't really take that personally. Nice comments far outweight the negative.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Not much. Tender, expressive, evocative. Light on details mostly.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I am not a crossover person.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think anyone has ever tried.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes. Two by the wonderful Bluebubbling which I was thrilled by.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've always wanted to. I'm trying my hand with another fandom, but one day.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Drarry. It just hits different.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I'm one of those people who has a dozens of ideas. I think I'm unlikely to finish my Veela!Harry fic, I just don't think I have the range. I have yet to successfully write and finish a PWP. Would be thrilled to finish some of my rare pairs.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hmmm. I think dialogue, efficiency, and atmosphere.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

More complicated or mystery-oriented plots, the mid-level between an ensemble cast and an intimate chamber piece, anything with significant length, spending lots of words on one scene.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

One of my ideas about writing is that not everything has to be maximally accessible to all to be an authentic expression in a fic. If that's what fits or feels right, go for it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

You know, I found out the answer for sure recently, and I will be keeping that information to myself. Highly embarrassing and yet formative. Let your imagination do the rest.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Winner Takes It All. Exactly what I intended, turned out beautifully. Some of my favourite writing.

tagging @magpiefngrl @lettersbyelise @lqtraintracks @quicksilvermaid @goblinmatriarch @teledild0nix @boxboxlewis and anyone else who is interested

#about writing

[wa-weirwood]

My favorite Joan of Arcs

ok guys, so we all know Joan of Arc is an S-tier saint and historical figure. However, not all Joan of Arcs are depicted equally. Here are my favorite ones because she is an inspiration and an icon !

Joan of Arc by John Everett Millais

The sword, the armor, the red underneath it all... really nice composition. Her lower half being covered and obscured by the heavy red cloth brings to mind the flames consuming her at the stake, very evocative ! Not my favorite face, but eveyrhting else is impeccable.

Joan of Arc by Dante Gabriel Rossetti

Something about the pose is really captivating, the blade laid across her face with eyes raised,... I like the conservative color pallet here, again the use of warm colors especialy for her hair beings to mind the flames that kill her.

Joan of Arc enters Orléans by Jean-Jacques Scherrer 

This one captures her presence and significance to the people of France really nicely. While I do like the more intimate, close up depictions of her that are more in line with traditional religious artwork, it is importatn to remember Joan of Arc as a figure of history as well. This piece depicts her arrival to Orleans, which would lead to the French defeating the English army in that area. It is triumphant and almost angelic, her face is lit brightly before a white banner that distinguishes her from the crowd of peasants and soldiers. Such a great work of art!

Joan of Arc by Albert Lynch

This one has almost more of a fantasy vibe to it, but I do love the white flowers that surround her amid the white banner and staff she holds. I always loved her face in this one too, despite the expression being relatviely unemotive it conveys a muted sense of conviction and certainty.

ANyways shes kind of my #goat and one of the my personal favorite and most fascinating historical figures, inspiring in every way !

#joan of arc #art #france #history #art history #christianity