#some parts of this interview were really interesting/slaps in the face

[sunburnacoustic]

Muse’s Matt Bellamy: ‘I felt that we could do no wrong. Obviously, we could’

By Mikael Wood in the L.A. Times (pasted because paywalls)

(Brian van der Brug / Los Angeles Times)

Matt Bellamy wrote Muse’s new album in a Santa Monica recording studio painstakingly decorated to resemble the so-called red room from “Twin Peaks.”

Crimson curtains, leather armchairs, black-and-white zigzag flooring: The 44-year-old frontman of one of England’s biggest rock bands reproduced every detail of the otherworldly chamber from the cult-fave TV show he remembers devouring during Muse’s first tour on a bus back in the early 2000s.

“It just sets a certain tone, you know?” he says, looking around the space with obvious pride on a recent afternoon.

Yet as Bellamy sat composing amid a thicket of electric guitars and vintage synths — including an old Roland model he says was the same used for the “Stranger Things” theme — what really inspired him was the tumult unfolding outside the studio, which he observed through an enormous one-way mirror in the building’s front wall.

This was mid-to-late 2020: Bellamy, who’s written for years about the menacing encroachments of technology and government, watched (without those on the street being able to see inside) as shops went out of business during the pandemic, as Black Lives Matter protesters marched through the city, as riot-gear-clad police and National Guard moved in to shut down demonstrations, as a man took up residence in a car parked right in front of the studio. Helicopters seemed to be circling constantly; a drone hovered over Bellamy one day as he loaded gear in through a back door.

“It was like being inside a scene from ‘RoboCop,’” he says now. “All the anxieties and the dystopian strangeness that had always been kind of speculative in our music — suddenly it felt like it was all coming true. It was actually happening.”

The result of his observations is Muse’s ninth studio album, “Will of the People,” on which Bellamy rhymes “a life in crisis” with “a deadly virus” and “tsunamis of hate are gonna drown us.” (Sample song titles include “Kill or Be Killed” and “We Are Fucking Fucked.”) But if the LP confronts a brave new world, it also knowingly looks back: Musically, the band—rounded out by bassist Chris Wolstenholme and drummer Dominic Howard—dials down the fluorescent electro-pop vibe of 2018’s “Simulation Theory” in favor of the harder, more guitar-oriented sound that made Muse a prog-metal sensation more than two decades ago.

Muse performing in Philadelphia in 2013. (Owen Sweeney / Invision via AP)

What are those so-called worst parts of Muse? Probably a tendency to veer off and experiment in areas that we’re not very experienced in. Most of [2012’s] “The 2nd Law,” for instance — classical dubstep, weird clarinet solos, whatever else is on that album. I think we felt we’d achieved so much with [the 2009 hit] “Uprising” that we could do no wrong. Obviously, we could.

You produced “Will of the People” yourself after collaborating with the producer Shellback on “Simulation Theory” and with Mutt Lange on 2015’s “Drones.” With people like that who are so successful, I think sometimes we’ve gone in the studio and been a little bit like, “OK, we’ll do just whatever you say.” In hindsight, I wish I’d been more involved and put more of our stamp on it. So we’ve kind of gone back to our safe space on this album. If we’re in complete control, it may not be the most cutting-edge or the most modern-sounding thing, but it’s the only way to guarantee that we’re gonna love it.

(Brian van der Brug / Los Angeles Times)

June 2020 was a heck of a time to bring a baby into the world. I came to America in 2010 as a single person looking to experience L.A. for a bit — and, boy, have I had an experience. Ended up with a Hollywood actress [Kate Hudson], had a baby together and the whole cliché scenario of the ups and downs of celebrity life. Then married a Texan [model Elle Evans] and had another baby. Been evacuated from my house during wildfires. Then the pandemic and the full January 6 Trump meltdown. It’s just been an unbelievable period to be here.

“Will of the People” suggests it hasn’t left you terribly optimistic about the future. It depends what your definition of optimism is. To me there’s a fighting spirit in the music, which is a form of optimism. It’s like the moment in “Rocky” when Adrian tells Rocky to win.

Do you think it’s clear to listeners who you’re fighting? In the new song “Compliance,” you’re singing sarcastically about people falling into line and doing as they’re told. It could be interpreted as an anti-woke anthem. I never thought about it that way. I thought about it in terms of the rising authoritarianism that we’re now seeing is a real thing— Trump in this country, but also Putin and the China situation. These ideologies, I feel like we kind of tested the waters in the 20th century and realized that fascism and communism are both just absolute disasters and that we don’t need to go near that stuff ever again. And yet it’s emerging.

What’s your reaction to that? I have an anti-authoritarian nature. My parents say that when I was a young child I was never very good at being told what to do. I don’t like the idea of vast centralized power that’s very far away from where I live. I come from Devon in England, which is a couple hundred miles from London. But when I went to see where my wife’s from in Paris, Texas, it’s like, Holy s—! It’s thousands of miles from the places of power in America. So the resistance to someone deciding how I should live who has no idea what my day-to-day life is — I can understand it, even though there’s a risk of it being hijacked by more extremist factions that have gone down roads I don’t agree with.

Have you considered becoming a U.S. citizen? I have. Overall, I actually think the United States’ structure is really amazing, with all the different ways to make laws at the local level. It seems like every month my wife is voting on some sort of proposition. I’m looking at that going, Wow, England is so behind on that front. We don’t ever get to vote on policy.

The oddest thing about that late-2020 period where things in America and California seemed so chaotic and crazy was that I felt my connection deepening. There’s something going on here that is critical to what’s happening in the entire world. America has become a kind of center point for this idea that there’s an empire on the verge of collapse, and how do we save it? Or how do we know which parts to save and which parts to let fall away?

For some people — Dom, to some extent — it made them want to get out. But for me it had the opposite effect. It’s everything I’m interested in, and it’s massively creatively inspiring.

Has becoming wealthy shaped your political views? I don’t think so. I remember all my feelings of what it was to be from a poor rural background with no opportunities and all the disadvantages. And I still have some views that would be considered pretty socialist by some. Universal health care is an obvious one; I can’t even believe there’s not universal healthcare here. I’ve also come to the view that maybe land shouldn’t be privately owned.

Can you relate to music that’s unambiguously joyful? Coldplay, let’s say. Absolutely. Chris [Martin] is a friend of mine. I love what they do. I wish I could write more songs that enter the love sphere. But I think it might be against the nature of the sounds our band makes. When the three of us are jamming, it’s like Rage Against the Machine riffs are coming out all the time. I can’t imagine hearing those riffs with Chris Martin singing about peace and love on top.

What’s the happiest Muse song? “Starlight” is pretty positive. I think “Verona” on the new album is pretty nice — little bit of “Romeo and Juliet” in there.

Do you think rock music is in good hands with the generation behind yours? My 11-year-old son likes Slipknot and Metallica. My stepson Ryder from a previous situation [with Hudson], he’s 18 and he’s really into rock. He turned me on to Willow Smith.

Can you envision touring in your 60s and 70s like Paul McCartney and the Rolling Stones? Yeah, but Metallica is the one that’s really made me think we could do it. The Stones and McCartney, they have universally uplifting music. But Metallica — I’m not sure how old they are, but they’re up there — that’s really heavy music and they’re still out there. The great thing about rock is that, even though the genre is largely irrelevant in the mainstream, you can actually grow old with it. You can make a real life career.

#Muse interviews #matt bellamy #muse band #Will Of The People #some parts of this interview were really interesting/slaps in the face #Like where Matt talks about feeling invincible roughly around albums 4-6 #It did really feel like that (I’ve talked about this before): Muse could do no wrong. The world was at their feet! #When he says ‘we could’ - he’s obviously talking about T2L and the way fans weren’t too pleased with it. #That’s disappointing to hear though. T2L is hardly an album to be dismissed. #It’s literally the only direction Muse could’ve gone in after The Resistance #Idk I think they got caught up in an era where rock bands were dwindling and 00s guitar fans were resentful of that synthy sound #(I blame the EDM boom) and so Muse genuinely interpreting ‘heavy’ as a kind of sound not solely connected to distorted guitars #Fell on its arse when in fact it was brilliant. I see nothing wrong with e.g. Unsustainable; Matt is 100% right when he says it’s heavy. #And of course his thoughts on America and the America he sees around him. His take on it as a non-American. Quite interesting #And on production and why Muse self-produce albums #muse #WOTP

[andvys]

We'll burn the sky | part eight

Warnings: angst, mentions of suicide, mentions of cheating, allusions to smut

Pairings: Rockstar!Eddie Munson x Rockstar!fem!reader | Eddie Munson x Chrissy Cunningham | Steve Harrington x fem!reader

Summary: Eddie confronts you about your night with Steve. You have your first interview and your final show before your break in Hawkins.

Word count: 7.6k

Series masterlist

-

The frown on Eddie’s face seems constant as he listens to Steve talk about his amazing night with you. 

He can’t even be mad at him, Steve knows nothing about the things that happened between you and Eddie but it still makes him angry; the way you so easily moved on from him and let someone else touch you the way he touched you– actually, you let Steve do more than just touch you. 

You and Eddie never had sex. 

He wanted to wait, he wanted to break up with her first. 

“Eddie,” Steve nudges his shoulder, “do you think I could take her out on dates when she comes to Hawkins?” he asks, staring at his friend, not noticing the anger and the jealousy in his eyes. 

Eddie doesn’t even look at his face, he doesn’t look into his eyes the way he always does when they talk, he stares at Steve’s neck with a sour expression on his face, you gave him hickeys, your lips touched his neck, your lips touched his lips, your hands touched his body, you let him touch you, you moaned his name. 

“Dude, what’s up with you?” 

Steve slaps Eddie’s shoulder as if to shake him awake. 

Eddie blinks, furrowing his brows as he finally looks into his friend’s eyes, “huh?” 

Chuckling, Steve shakes his head, “are you okay?” 

‘No, you fucked the girl that I love.’ Eddie thinks to himself. 

“Yeah, just tired,” he mumbles, “got another show tonight and some kind of interview.” 

Steve raises his eyebrows in surprise, “an interview? Are you nervous?” 

Eddie shrugs as he reaches for his cigarettes, taking one out from the pack before he puts it back inside, “not really,” he mumbles with the cigarette between his lips now, “I don’t think they’re gonna focus much on me or the guys. They’re not gonna go easy on her though,” he says after lighting up his cigarette. 

He is concerned about you. He knows how rude the press can be.

“She’s tough, got a mouth on her too,” Steve chuckles, “she’ll be fine.” 

“I hope so.” 

Steve scratches the back of his neck and clears his throat, he looks down at the snowy ground, “can I ask you something?” 

Eddie clenches his jaw already, knowing that it’ll be something about you. 

“Sure.” 

“Are you and Chrissy still a thing?” 

Oh. 

Eddie swallows harshly, he inhales and breathes out the smoke into the sky before he turns back to Steve. 

“Why are you asking?” 

Steve avoids his eyes, feeling nervous and uncomfortable all of the sudden and it only causes the frown on Eddie’s face to grow bigger. Just by Steve’s weird behavior he can tell that something happened. 

Steve tears his gaze away from the snow, instead finding interest in the people that walk past them on the sidewalk. 

“Steve,” Eddie mumbles, “why are you asking?” 

“I just– me and Robin went to a party last week and she was there,” he explains as his guilty eyes finally look into his. 

“And?” Eddie asks, tilting his head a little. He doesn’t know why he is even asking him this, he can already tell where this is going. 

Chrissy has either been seen with Jason or some other asshole. 

“Robin was with Vickie and uh, I was getting a drink, she followed me, we were just talking about you know, stuff,” Steve chuckles nervously, “she was talking about work, I was talking about a date I went on–”

“Steve,” Eddie says sternly, “come to the point.” 

He sighs, “okay,” he mumbles under his breath, “she kissed me.” 

The betrayal in Eddie’s eyes is there but there’s no surprise, no pain, no heartbreak, no shock– just betrayal and disappointment. He can’t feel hurt anymore, not after everything she did to him. He was used to it. Somehow, he has become numb to the pain, even when he used to love her. 

You just left the hotel and were about to walk around the corner when you heard Steve’s words. Halting in your tracks, your eyes widen in shock.

“But I didn’t kiss her back, I pushed her away, she tried again and she wanted more than that but I pushed her away, I swear Eddie–”

“It’s okay, Steve.” 

“N-No, it’s not, Eddie. I’m so sorry,” you hear Steve say. 

“It’s not your fault, you know it’s not the first time,” Eddie says without a single emotion in his voice. 

“Yeah, it isn’t. I-I saw her, Eddie, with Jason.” 

“Okay.” 

You furrow your brows at his words. Okay? How is that okay? How can he be so calm, so unbothered? 

“Okay?” Steve scoffs, “that’s not okay, Eddie! She keeps doing it– dude, you were a wreck, you were heartbroken when she cheated on you back then and now you act like it’s okay?” 

He suffered before, she put him through this kind of pain before, that’s why he is so unfazed. He is numb. He is numb to all this pain and all these feelings. Is that why it was so easy for him to do all of this?

“You should leave her.”

“I will,” Eddie says loudly, “I’ve wanted to do that for a while now, I-I don’t know what the fuck I was waiting for.” 

You can hear Steve’s sigh, “I get it. I felt the same after Nancy cheated on me with Jonathan,” he snorts, “I was willing to look past it and beg her to stay with me but looking back on it, I’m glad I never begged, would’ve just made a fool out of myself. And, being alone isn’t that bad, man. At least you won’t get cheated on.” 

Eddie laughs a little, you know that he is shaking his head at Steve’s words right now. 

You also shake your head, staring at the ground in confusion. What’s wrong with the women in their life’s? Despite what Eddie did, you still think that he is the sweetest person you have met, he is perfect in your eyes, that’s why it hurts so much to look at him and remember what he was hiding and doing all these months. 

“Yeah uh, I’m going to talk to her when we’re back home.” 

“Who are we spying on?”

You almost yell in surprise when you hear Gareth’s whisper, startled, you turn around and stare at him with wide eyes, “dude!” you say in a hushed whisper as you hit his shoulder, he stumbles back a little. 

“You should’ve seen your face!” he laughs. 

“Shut up!” you frown, rolling your eyes.

He is still laughing, like it’s the funniest thing ever. 

“Are you drunk or something?” you mumble, furrowing your brows. 

“No,” he snorts as he finally stops laughing and straightens up, “you just get that funny look on your face whenever something startles you.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“It’s like you’re about to start screaming like the girls in the horror movies.” 

“That’s not true!” 

“Yes it is, y/n.” 

You roll your eyes at the grin on his face, “whatever.” 

Jeff comes out next, he’s wearing a thick hoodie with your band logo on it, a big leather jacket over it, he is carrying a red paper cup in his hands. 

“Hey you,” he smiles, “I know you missed breakfast and I know you need your coffee so, so…” he trails off, holding it out for you. 

Your eyes soften. You take the warm cup, giving him a small smile, “that’s nice of you, thank you, Jeff.” 

“You’re welcome.” 

“Did you put something in there?” Gareth asks Jeff with a smirk on his face. 

Jeff glares at him, “I’m not you, asshole.” 

“Yeah, I wouldn’t take a coffee from you, man,” you mumble, “I know you’d put salt or pepper in it.” 

“That’s uh not correct,” he says, holding one finger up, “I would add salt and pepper in.” 

You snort, “you’re a menace.” 

“Hey.” 

Your head snaps in his reaction, your eyes meet with his. Not settling on Steve, just yet. 

Eddie’s eyes leave your face, settling on your neck instead, he eyes the marks that Steve left on you. Anger flashes in his eyes and he frowns. 

Is he hurt or is he just angry that another man touched you, since he already claimed you?  

You hold the warm cup tighter in your hand, pressing it against your chest. 

Pain flashes in his eyes when they meet yours again, big brown eyes filled with sadness.

Damn you and your stupid puppy eyes, Eddie Munson. 

Steve looks between you and Eddie, curiosity lingering in his eyes. 

“Did you have a sleepover with Eddie?” Gareth jokes, looking at the guy he used to dislike once. 

“Uh… no,” he chuckles, nervously. 

“Oh,” Gareth mumbles, “where did you–” he stops when Jeff nudges his shoulder. He glances at Eddie, who still stares at you like you just broke his heart. Then his eyes fall to your neck, noticing the very visible marks that he hasn’t seen before, his eyes widen, even more so when he looks at a very flustered Steve. Oh god. 

Jeff clears his throat, looking away awkwardly. 

“Damn, Steve. You just can’t keep it in your pants, huh?” Gareth mumbles. 

Steve blushes, laughing nervously. 

Jeff can’t even stop the laugh that escapes from his lips, “says you?” he snorts. 

“What do you mean?” 

Jeff turns to Steve, “Gareth is fucking every groupie that he can find.” 

“What?” Steve gasps, “Gareth, you?” 

Neither, you or Eddie pay attention to them or their conversation, instead you keep looking at each other until he finally makes a move and pulls you away. Without asking you first, he grabs your hand and leads you away from the others. 

His hand feels warm, despite being out in the cold for so long. You fight the urge to intertwine your fingers with his. 

He stops next to a phone booth and turns towards you, still keeping your hand in his. 

You stare at him in confusion, not moving your hand away just yet. 

Eddie has dark circles under his eyes, his curls look messy, he looks tired. 

“What?” you mumble, not knowing what else to say. 

“What?” he mimics, irritating you, “did you have fun?” 

Rolling your eyes, you rip your hand out of his, “yes, actually. Steve is amazing.” 

Jealousy flashes in his eyes, he clenches his jaw. The images that pop up in his mind just make him feel even worse. 

“Was it so easy for you to move on from me?” he asks, with no anger behind his words, just pain and sadness. 

You don’t look into his eyes now, you can’t. 

Steve is amazing and you have only done what you did because you felt safe and comfortable with him and because you wanted to feel something other than this. Steve is funny and kind and sweet and you don’t regret what you did but you do feel guilty. 

You aren’t Eddie’s, you never were and yet you feel like you have betrayed him and it makes you feel sick. 

“Don’t ask me this question, you are the one with a partner, not me,” you finally say, “I don’t owe you anything, Eddie. I can do whatever I want with whoever I want.” 

“You once told me that I’m the only one that you want,” Eddie says. 

Scoffing, you look back into his eyes, “yeah, I did. I did want you,” you nod, “but that was before I knew about your girl.” 

He mumbles your name, eyes showing nothing but guilt. He tries to reach for your hand again but you pull away, shaking your head at him. 

“How would you feel if you were in my place?” you ask, “how would you feel, if you found out that I had a partner all this time, while we were doing this,” you ask, gesturing to the two of you. 

“I would give you a chance to explain yourself,” he mumbles. 

You scowl and roll your eyes, “would you now?” 

“Yes,” he exclaims, taking a step forward, he looks like he is fighting back the tears, “yes, I would because you mean everything to me, I could never do what you did, I could never move on to someone else, kiss them and sleep with them as though nothing fucking happened–” 

“You are such a hypocrite!” you whisper yell, trying to keep the attention away from the two of you on this busy street, “you fucked her after being with me and then you claimed that you wanted to leave her, that you wanted to break up with her for months now!” 

He scrunches up his face, brows knit together as he shakes his head, “I didn’t fuck her…. Christ.” 

Right. 

“Mhmm,” you roll your eyes, looking at anything but his eyes. 

“It’s the truth, y/n,” he mumbles, “I didn’t have sex with her, I didn’t even kiss her. I haven’t touched her like that since I left Hawkins.” 

“God,” you sigh, “stop fucking lying to me already. You said nothing when I confronted you about it two nights ago, I asked you why you kissed her and why you slept with her, when you wanted to leave her so bad and you said nothing, you just stood there and stared at me like I was a fool.” 

He sighs, running his hand through his hair, “I didn’t sleep with her and I didn’t kiss her, I’m not lying about that.” 

“Then why didn’t you say anything when I asked you about it?” 

“I-I just, I don’t do well with confrontations,” he mumbles as he looks down at his hands, nervously playing with the rings on his fingers, the way he always does. 

“Eddie, you literally fought a guy and argued with him for fifteen minutes straight after he tried to grab my ass and you’re trying to tell me that you don’t do well with confrontations, come on, man…” 

“It’s different with you, okay?” he huffs, raising his head to look at you, he finds you staring at him with nothing but confusion in your eyes, your lip jutted, brows furrowed. Why do you have to be so cute? 

“How?” 

“You intimidate me,” he confesses. 

You draw back in surprise, lips parting, “w-what?” 

“You intimidate me,” he repeats, chuckling to himself, “not in a bad way, it’s just. I’m worried about saying the wrong things around you, I’m worried about scaring you away. You’re amazing and even though we made it here together. It feels like, I get to watch you become a star, a fucking rockstar and I’m just some lucky dude that gets to play guitar and come along on this adventure but the moment it’s over, I’m going back to Hawkins to live the shit life I never wanted but you? You will keep doing this and you will forget about me and you know what? That’s what scares me the most. As much as I wanted this life, I want you more and the thought of losing you or you forgetting about me, breaks my fucking heart, y/n.” 

He quickly wipes his tears away and looks down. 

Tears well up in your eyes and your chest warms at his words, yet at the same time they hurt. The thought of living a life without him hurts you just as much as it hurts him to think of one without you in it. 

“And the thought of you moving on so easily hurts too,” he mumbles, “but you’re right, you don’t owe me anything, you can do whatever you want. I just thought that we had something special.” 

“How can you say that?” you ask, voice almost cracking. 

“Say what?” 

“That we had something special, you lied to me the whole time, you have someone waiting for you at home, you cheated on her with me, you knew that you would hurt me. This isn’t special, this is fucked up and disgusting, Eddie.” 

His shoulders slump and his face falls, “sweetheart,” he whispers. 

You shake your head, “no, you can’t say all these things to me.” 

He takes another step towards you, you don’t move away and you don’t flinch either, not even when he cups your cheeks, tilting your head up to make you look at him. 

You close your eyes, “don’t do this to me again, Eddie,” you whisper. 

A sigh falls from your lips when you feel his touch on your skin. Your heart begins to flutter the way it always does whenever he touches you, “you’re gonna hurt me, you’re gonna do the same thing to me that you do to her and I can’t do this, Eddie. I feel too deeply for you, I wouldn’t survive this so please, just let me go, don’t do this to me.” 

He shakes his head, stepping even closer to you, not caring if anyone sees you two like this. 

“I would never do this to you, sweetheart,” he whispers.

“But you did it to her and I think that you must have loved her a lot if you stayed with after what she did and yet you still did this, you can’t tell me that this– that you, would be any different with me.” 

Eddie didn’t stay because he loved her so much, he stayed because he was afraid. Afraid of being alone. She made him believe that no one else would want him. 

“You and I are different,” he whispers, squeezing your cheeks a little, he looks at you with pleading eyes, “we are different.”  

“That’s what you thought about her too, didn’t you?” 

Tears fill your eyes, you’re so sick of it already. Of these tears, of this pain, of all of this. 

His silence gives you the answer that you needed. You nod and close your eyes as you step away from him. 

“We have to go,” you mumble, “the stupid interview..” 

Eddie blinks his tears away, nodding at your words. He watches you, already waiting for you to leave him standing here by himself again but instead you look up at him with your soft and pretty eyes, a frown on your lips and sadness clouding your features. 

“To answer your question, I did not move on from you, I don’t think I ever will and you know what the worst part about it is? I don’t want to, I don’t want to move on from you, I just want this pain to stop but I know it won’t, no matter what I do,” you whisper the last part and take another step back, catching a tear before it can slip down your cheek. You turn away and walk back to the other before he can even say anything. 

You hate how easy it is for you to be so vulnerable around him, you hate that you can’t lie to him about your feelings, you hate that you can’t just push him away from you. 

How will you ever shake him off of you? 

“Hey,” Steve’s gentle voice pulls you out of your thoughts. 

“Hey,” you smile, still blinking as the tears still threaten to spill. You look up at him, finding the soft look on his face contorting into a concerned one. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks, laying a palm on your shoulder. 

“Nothing, j-just got something in my eye,” you lie. 

Steve frowns at your words, clearly not believing you, he looks over your shoulder to see Eddie still standing by the phone booth. He can see the sad look on his face, even from afar. 

He looks back down at you and then back at him, raising his brows as his brain slowly starts connecting the dots. 

“Oh,” he whispers in realization. 

Suddenly, he feels like a fool. 

He didn’t notice this before. He noticed the glares that Eddie gave him when he flirted with you, the frowns that took over his face whenever he touched you, the little scoffs that left his lips whenever you flirted back. 

Steve was just too excited to be with you to notice the so very obvious jealousy and anger in Eddie.

Eddie likes you and you like him. 

Steve stares at his friend as he walks back towards the hotel, the look of heartbreak in his eyes is so hard to miss.

No, Eddie doesn’t just like you. There is so much more than that. 

He looks back down at you, “you know what, you gotta tell me everything when you come to Hawkins.” 

-

The interview started off well. Though you were nervous about the amount of journalists in the room, all eager to find out more about you. 

You sat in the middle, with Eddie and Jeff on either side of you. Gareth and Jeff sat at both ends at the long table. 

The smell of coffee lingered in the room, oddly enough it was calming your nerves. 

The questions were tame, at first. 

They asked about your backgrounds, how the band came together, what or who got you into music, they asked about the process of songwriting and of recording. It was going well until now, the questions were starting to get personal and the more they asked, the worse you felt. 

“Are you single, Eddie?”

You want to roll your eyes at the question. What does his relationship status have anything to do with the band or music? 

“Yes, I am.” 

You have to restrain yourself not to turn to him and gasp. So he just continues to lie? 

“And what about you, y/n? Are you single?” 

“Very much so, yes.” 

“You and Eddie seem pretty close,” another woman says, “you look very comfortable with each other.” 

“It would be weird if we weren’t comfortable with each other, we’re together day and night,” Eddie says, not realizing what he actually said. 

“You’re together at night?” one asks. 

Eddie, you dumbass. 

“Yes,” you speak into the mic before Eddie can make this any worse, “because we’re on the same tour bus, obviously. There’s not much privacy.” 

“Y/n, what is it like for you to be the only woman in the band?” 

“It’s fun actually, they’ve become my family.” 

“Speaking of family, how does it feel to follow your father’s footsteps?” 

And that is where it all went downhill. One mention of your father and they all jumped right at you, throwing one question after the other. You were able to mask your discomfort with snarky replies and a stoic expression on your face but Eddie could sense your anxiety. He could see your leg bouncing beneath the table cloth, he could see you blinking more rapidly, you were angry, you were hurt and upset.

He took your hand in his and began to rub circles into your soft skin, it seemed to calm you down but he could only do so much. 

‘Is this life as overwhelming for you as it was for your dad?’

‘No, I love living this life.’

‘A source told us that you have been doing drugs before shows, is that true?’ 

‘No.’

‘How does it feel to live the life your dad once lived?’

‘Feels like I’m doing it for him.’

‘Have you had any relationships with your band mates?’ 

‘Is it true that you and Eddie had been caught hooking up in a bathroom at a nightclub in Pittsburgh?’ 

‘What do you say to these pictures?’ 

‘Did your dad commit suicide on Christmas eve?’

Rob cut the interview after that question, not even giving you the chance to answer the question. To say that you’re shocked is an understatement. You felt tense and you felt frozen in place and yet, you kept a straight expression on your face and let go of Eddie’s hand before leaving the room. Rushing through the hallways and storming out of the hotel before making your way towards the tour bus. 

Your chest feels heavy, you feel sick, you feel angry, you feel too much.

The moment you are back on the tour bus, you let out an angry sigh. You knew this would happen, you knew they would do this, you knew they would ask them all the meaningless and simple questions while you would get this. 

They just had to bring him up. 

They had to bring up his death. 

Rob speaks your name, approaching you slowly.

“How did they know?” you ask, angrily. 

“They don’t know,” he sighs, “people were talking about it before, in the magazines, it was a rumor–”

You laugh, raising your hands towards your head, “expect it’s not a rumor, Rob. He did fucking kill himself.” 

Rob turns around to make sure that no one followed him on the bus. 

“Y/n,” he steps towards you, watching with worried eyes as you begin to pace back and forth, “don’t let this get to you, these assholes out there always throw disrespectful questions around, especially at women, they wanna get a rise out of you but you did well, you handled it well.” 

“Well, I’m not handling it well right now,” you scoff.

He places his hands on your shoulders, “you gotta calm down, kid. I know this is hard but just try to calm down, yeah? You got a show tonight, don’t let them ruin this for you.” 

Closing your eyes, you nod at his words. 

He is right. 

You take a deep breath. 

“I think the christmas break will be good for you,” he says, patting your shoulder. 

You want to scoff and roll your eyes but instead you open your eyes and force a smile on your face, “you think?” 

Rob smiles at you, nodding. 

“Yeah, it’s been some stressful months. Songwriting and recording takes up a lot of energy but the tours are harder. Takes a toll on your body, it’s time for a break, gotta take care of yourself, eat some good food and just watch some christmas movies.” 

You chuckle, your features soften. 

“That’s what you will do?” 

His eyes flash with amusement, “of course.” 

“Then that’s what I will do too.” 

-

Though the conversation with Rob calmed your nerves a little, you still feel on edge and the other’s notice it as you all get ready for the show. 

Eddie can see the anger in your eyes. It’s only been there ever since the journalists have mentioned your dad and it makes him suspicious of the question they have asked you. 

He wants to approach you, take your hand in his and tell you that everything will be okay. He is scared to make things worse though so he stays back and watches you instead. 

You lean against the wall, you move your hair back and adjust your earpiece. Your lips match the colors of your nails tonight, blood red. You’re wearing a black cropped top with what seems to be a new leather vest, a pair of tight pants showing off your curves nicely and as you turn your back to him to reach for your red microphone, he can’t help but curse under his breath, your ass just looks perfect in those jeans. 

“Fucking christ,” he mumbles, having to adjust his pants the longer he stares at you. 

Suddenly the images of you with Steve appear in his mind, the thought of him touching your bare skin, kissing you in places that only he should be allowed to kiss you, his hands on your perfect ass– fuck you, Steve. 

Gareth comes up next to him, blabbering about some girls he saw before entering the venue but Eddie doesn’t listen to him, he is too busy staring at you, eyes almost bulging out of his skull when you bend over to tie the loose laces on your boots. 

His dick twitches in his pants. God, he knows you kind of hate him right now but he wants nothing more than to bend you over a table and rip those tights jeans off so he can fuck you senseless and remind that you are his, that you belong with him. 

You move back up and when you look over your shoulder and your eyes lock and he can’t help but wonder ‘are you doing this on purpose?’ You pretend to be innocent though, turning away from him and reaching for the drink you’ve grabbed for yourself earlier. 

Ever since you have found out about Chrissy, Eddie finds it hard to read you– it’s easy to read your emotions when you’re being vulnerable with him but it’s hard to read you when you do these things. 

Are you teasing him? 

Are you playing with him? 

Are you distracting yourself from today’s events by doing this? 

Or are you just reminding him of what he can no longer have? 

He can see the fire in your eyes when you’re performing, the anger and the raw emotions in your voice. Your engagement with the people in the front row makes the crowd go wild. 

Your touches with Eddie are different than usual, you step closer to him, letting him use your mic to sing, he looks into your eyes, a smile tugging at his lips as the audience screams for you. 

You step back again as the song stops playing ,before the band begins to play another song, you raise your hand and put a finger up and in front of your lips. They guys give you a questioning look but still do as they're told, Gareth puts his drumsticks down and tilts his head at you. 

Eddie furrows his brows, lips parting as he stares at you. 

You turn back to the crowd, greeting them for a second time tonight. 

“Eddie,” you speak into the mic, causing the people to scream once again, you chuckle as you look at them, “he is amazing, isn’t he?”  

Eddie’s eyes twinkle with happiness and gratitude when they cheer for him again. They love him. All these people are here for the band and him– Eddie who grew up with a father that didn’t love him. Eddie who was pushed around in school. Eddie who was considered a lowlife and a freak. Eddie who had been told that he is nothing. Eddie who had been told that no one could ever love him. 

All these people love him.

You love him and even though you claim that it has no meaning to you anymore, it still means something to him. 

“He is not just the best guitarist in the whole word, Eddie is also a pretty fucking good singer!” 

Eddie raises his brows, staring at you nervously. 

“Why don’t we switch places for this song, Eddie? Sing your heart out, see what it feels like to sing this song, what it’s like to be in my place.” 

Eddie blinks, drowning out all the cheers of approval. You wrote this song together, it’s the last one on the album, the one you have worked on the longest. The one about heartbreak and betrayal. 

He forces a smirk on his face, “you sure you can handle her?” he speaks into the mic as he holds up his sweetheart. 

“You know I can,” you smirk, tilting your head. 

“Yeah,” he rasps into the mic as he eyes you up and down. 

No one is blind to it, you always flirt on stage and your fans love it. 

“Alright,” Eddie says, “you guys are lucky tonight, you’ll be the first crowd to watch my favorite girl play with my sweetheart,” he chuckles, slinging the guitar strap over his head, he holds it out for you. 

His favorite girl. 

You ignore the fluttering of your heart when he calls you that. 

You grin, taking his guitar as you hold out your microphone to him.

You sling the strap over your shoulder, winking at Eddie as you switch places with him. You use your thumb and your forefinger to grip the neck. The crowd immediately cheers after you strum the guitar, you can’t help but giggle at their excitement. 

“I love you, y/n!” 

Eddie chuckles. 

He watches you with a smile on his face, staring at your twinkling eyes, the happiness, the one that has become temporary, the one he only ever sees on stage now. 

He appreciates the sight in front of him. The way you look with his guitar. You are perfect in every way. 

You turn towards him, using his microphone, “let’s do this, guys.” 

He nods, flashing you a small smile as he holds the mic tighter in his hand. His fingertips hurt from playing all night and now he is watching you with awe in his eyes. Despite not playing as much as he does, you’re good, just as good as he is, Eddie thinks. 

He can’t keep his eyes off of you, not even when he sings and is supposed to engage with the crowd– with his fans. He can only look at you. 

And you feel just the same, your eyes are glued to him as you play and sing the lines that are supposed to be his. Your eye contact is intense as always– perhaps even more intense than usual. 

Your heart longs for him, your soul pulls you into his, you want him and you need him but you can not have him and yet, when the song is over and you stop playing, you still let him in, you still let him pull you into his arms. 

Just like always, there is only you and him when you look into each other’s eyes. 

Eddie’s eyes show nothing but love. He leans down and cups your cheeks, he kisses your forehead softly, letting his lips linger for a moment before he pulls back.

You place your hand on his, wrapping your fingers around his wrist as you look up into his eyes. 

Why does he have to make things so hard for you? 

-

December 16th, 1988

So, it’s been a while since anyone wrote something in here but, we’re back in Hawkins, home sweet home, or whatever. I missed this shithole, can’t believe it. -Gareth.

Hawkins.

The town you have dreaded so much ever since finding out the whole truth. Now you’re here and you feel uncomfortable. 

While the others went to visit their families, you will spend your time here at the town’s motel, which is very different from the luxurious hotel’s you have gotten used to but your room is a small and cozy one, it’s on the second story and it’s close to Forest Hill Park, Eddie’s trailer is only a ten minute walk away from motel 6. 

It’s a Friday afternoon and all you have done since your arrival was taking a long and hot shower and laying on the king sized bed while the tv plays in the background. You play with the rings on your finger and stare at the ceiling. 

You wonder what Eddie is doing. 

Is he spending time with his uncle? 

Is he taking a nap?

Is he laying in bed by himself? 

Is he with her? 

You haven’t been away from him since you’ve left for tour. You were together all the time, it’s weird to be here all by yourself now. 

You could see Steve. 

Sitting up on the bed, you stare at your suitcase for a moment before you decide to get ready. You still didn’t get the thick coat that Eddie had suggested you should get and you already know that you will hate yourself for it later. It’s even colder than in the city. 

You put some makeup on and do your hair before picking out the warmest clothes that you’ve got. Your oversized leather jacket definitely won’t do much to protect you from the cold but at least you’ve bought a scarf and a hat before leaving Indianapolis. 

You pick out your shoes when you hear a knock on the door. You furrow your brows, walking towards the window, you peek out, Eddie. 

Sighing, you step back from the window to open the door. 

“You miss me already?” you ask with a bored expression on your face. 

“Always,” he says. 

Rolling your eyes at his words, you open the door further, letting him in. 

“What do you want?” you ask, only now noticing the two coffees in his hands. 

“I don’t like that you’re here by yourself.” 

Oh. 

His nose is a little red from the cold, fitting the red scarf around his neck– you don’t have to ask to know that his uncle forced him to wear that scarf. He looks cute. 

“Why?” you ask, glancing at the coffee that he is offering you

“Here,” he whispers, offering you the coffee. 

“Thanks,” you mumble as you wrap your hand around the warm cup, “it’s not dangerous here, is it?” you chuckle.

He shrugs, brown eyes flickering down to your leather jacket and the scarf. 

“Not really but there’s this weird guy.” 

Raising your brows and tilting your head in question, “oh?”

“Yeah, he actually lives right around the corner,” he says, pointing his thumb to the entrance. 

“Oh, you’re talking about yourself?” you snort, eyes flashing with amusement. 

Eddie rolls his eyes, scoffing at your words, “you’re so funny.” 

“Right?” you smirk. 

Placing the cup on the desk, you bent down and reach for your boots. Feeling his eyes on you, you glance up at him as you put them on. 

“So, what’s this guy’s name?” 

“Huh?” 

“The weird guy, what’s his name?” 

“Oh,” Eddie mumbles, eyes moving to your ass, again. 

“Henry, dude is kinda sketchy, he has that psychotic look in his eyes. I sold weed to him before and he started talking about the end of the world, seemed a little too into it.” 

“Wow,” you mutter under your breath. 

“Hey, where are you going?” Eddie finally asks.

You shrug as you reach for the coffee again, “thought I’d take a walk.” 

“Can I come with you?”

“Why?” 

He walks towards you, ringed fingers wrapped around his cup, his soft eyes meet yours, “cause I wanna spend time with you, I can show you around.” 

You wanted space, you wanted him to stay away from you, you wanted him to leave you alone but he just won’t do it, he keeps showing up, he keeps clinging to you. 

“Didn’t I tell you to leave me alone?” 

He sighs, nodding. 

If anyone else told him that, he would leave and never show up again. Eddie never truly felt wanted or loved, not until you. You never pitied him, you never faked anything with him, you never lied to him– not even when he hurt you. You could have lied about your feelings, you could have told him that you hate him but you never did. 

You might have told him that you never want to see him again but he knows that you truly never meant it. 

And despite the tension between you, despite the things you tell him, you still want him around. 

“I hate being away from you,” he whispers. 

You narrow your eyes, sighing in annoyance. 

“Shouldn’t you be spending time with your girlfriend?” 

“I don’t want to.” 

“I hope you know that, that kinda makes you sound like a dick,” you scoff. 

“I know,” he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, “she isn’t here anyway, she’s gone for the weekend.” 

Of course. 

You can’t even stop the laugh from escaping, you shake your head, “right, so I’m the placeholder again, okay,” you scoff, turning away from him, you walk towards the door. 

Eddie curses under his breath, how does he keep messing it up?

“No, sweetheart, that’s not– I didn’t want to spend time with her, I wanted to talk to her.” 

You grab the keys and leave the room, waiting for him to come outside too, you look away with a clenched jaw. 

“I really don’t care, Eddie. I don’t give a shit about what you wanted to do with her.” 

He follows you, looking frantic as he stares down at you. You shut the door and lock it, stuffing the keys into your pocket before walking off. 

“Please, y/n.” 

“Please what, Eddie?” you scoff, “just leave me alone, that’s all I was asking of you.” 

“You are so confusing!” he suddenly says, almost yelling. 

Surprised by his words, you halt in your tracks and turn back around. Your wide eyed gaze meets his and you can’t help but gasp. 

“I’m confusing?”

He nods as he continues to walk towards you, “yes, actually. You are the most confusing woman I’ve ever met in my life.” 

“What the fuck? Why?” 

“Because you act all fucking cute with me on stage and then you do this,” he exclaims, “you tell me you love me and then you go and fuck my friend, you keep telling me to stay away from you but then you almost kiss me at the show, you hold a whole speech about me and then go back to ignoring me, you keep acting normal with me and yet at the same time you look at me like you want me gone! I know I fucked up, okay? I know what I did was wrong but you made me feel like I was wanted for once in my fucking life, I felt like someone actually wants me and loves me for who I am, so I’m sorry for wanting to be around you, I’m sorry for wanting you so bad.” I’m sorry for being so in love with you. 

For the first time, you see the vulnerability in his eyes that he was hiding from the world. The part of him that’s broken is finally coming to the surface after years of pushing it away. His bottom lip quivers a little, his dark eyes filled with hurt. 

You feel guilty, you feel sad, you feel insecure. 

You want to hug him but at the same time you want to turn heel and run. 

“Do you actually want to be around me or do you want to be around me because I make you feel good?” you ask, “do you want me so bad because you know that I love you and that I would never hurt you like she did?” 

“What?” 

Now it’s your bottom lip that is quivering, now it’s your eyes that are filled with hurt. 

“Because that’s what it sounds like to me, Eddie,” you shrug, “you feel safe with me because you know how much you mean to me, because you know that I still want you even after you lied to me all this time but I would never stand a chance if she made you feel the way I make you feel, right?” 

He shakes his head, staring at you with raised brows. 

“You want to settle for me because I can give her things that she couldn’t give you.” 

“No,” he whispers in shock, “what makes you think that?” 

You shrug, not wanting to talk about this any longer, you turn away and begin to walk away from him again. 

You hear him sighing, calling out to you.

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore, Eddie.” 

“But–”

“No,” you mumble, “I wanna go on a walk now.” 

“Can I come with you?” 

“Didn’t I tell you to leave me alone?” 

“I just, please.. I wanna be with you.” 

You look at him in annoyance, his stupid puppy eyes make it hard for you to say no to him. 

“I’m gonna spend time with you tomorrow, remember?” 

You promised Eddie that you would get breakfast with him and his uncle. Wayne wants to meet you and even though you don’t want to be around Eddie, you couldn’t say no to that offer, just like you can’t say no to him now. 

“Yeah but… still.” 

“You wanna go on a walk with me?” 

He nods. 

“Okay, then take me to family video, that’s where Steve works, right?” 

His face falls, frowning at your words, he turns away to roll his eyes. 

“Seriously?” he mumbles. 

“Yeah.” 

“Fine.” 

-

“You are so full of shit.” 

“You don’t believe me?” 

Robin laughs, “nope.” 

Steve rolls his eyes, “why not?” 

She continues to stack the vhs tapes on the shelf, looking back at her best friend, “because, I don’t think that you’re her type.” 

“Dude,” he exclaims, “can’t you see this?” he points to the hickeys on his neck. 

“Yeah,” she scoffs, “some chick gave you those.” 

“Not some chick, y/n, gave me those.” 

“Keep dreaming, dingus.” 

Steve just started his shift and rushed into the store with the most excited look on his face that Robin had ever seen, his cheeks were flushed red and his eyes shone with happiness. 

She hasn’t seen him like that since… Okay, maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe he got lucky and did get to be with you.

“You’ll see.” 

“See what?” 

Steve smirks at her, crossing his arms over his chest after putting on his vest, “she is in Hawkins now.” 

Robin drops the tapes and rises to her feet, eyes widening, “what?” 

He nods, “she’s in Hawkins, she’s staying here and guess who’s gonna hang out with her?” he asks, smirk growing bigger as she walks towards him, “me.” 

“Holy shit,” she mumbles.

Just as she stops in front of the counter and looks at the smug look on his face, the bell above the door rings, he looks over her shoulder, eyes flashing with excitement. 

Robin’s brows draw together, following his gaze, she turns around, eyes widening even further when she catches sight of you. Her lips part before they set in a smirk, “holy shit.” 

With Eddie right behind you, you walk inside, an excited smile resting on your lips, while the look on Eddie’s face is nothing but one of annoyance. 

“Hi Steve.” 

-

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[oreotoreads]

EVERYTHING IS NOT WHAT IT SEEMS

PART 2: SKIN TIGHT — read other parts: PREVIOUS | NEXT | MASTERLIST

pairing: dom!jake x fem!reader WC: 5.9k!

summary: your handsome one night stand that blew your mind turns out to be the silent guy at work that you didn’t even realize his existence.

warnings: explicit smut, explicit language, oral (both recieving), unprotected sex, dirty talk, cum play, masturbation, jake wears a cross necklace, fingering, slight anal play, violence (slapping) - jake recieving, creampie, handjob, squirting. (guess that’s all *nervous laugh*

a/n: this is even filthier than the first part so brace yourselves as u read and im sorry lol. (cuz ur coming to hell with me <3333 mwah 😽)

taglist: @axartia - @cyuuupid - @my5colors - @muffinminnie - @zhaixiaowen - @zen003xx - @qeen123 - @zerasari​

you don’t remember how you stormed yourself to human resources that fast, with your one heel on your hand, and the other is left in the crime scene (where you fell into jake’s arms). you felt humiliated, ashamed and crazy, what were the odds to fuck someone who works in the same company as you and him being someone you see daily but not even recognizing him. when you stand in the elevator this morning, did he know you were the woman he fucked ruthlessly 2 days ago? 

you laughed at yourself, of course he did. he played you a little game, he wanted to give you a lesson about that silent boy can be something else. that good looking boys are actually the worst. did he do this because you never even bother to talk to him? did he actually know anything about you? 

when the hr guy was staring at you since you stormed in his room like a crazy woman with no shoes, you cleared your throat to look more sane.

“i need some information about an employee.”

he nervously scratched the back of his neck, “erm, that’s impossible…” when you sent him the most deadly stare ever in your life he stuttered. “a-about who?”

“jake.”

“oh not that weirdo.” he rolled his eyes. “his interview was the weirdest thing ever.”

“wait, why?” you asked in curiosity.

he hesitated to talk but since you had a dangerous object (your heel) in your hand and looked mad crazy at this point he decided to spill.

“so, this guy is australian and had only australian passport and refused to give his korean id.” you raised your eyebrows at the information which you found really interesting, “continue.”

“he barely talks and makes his voice… weirder? oh and he never shows his face.”

you crossed your arms in front of your chest, puckering your lips. “isn’t this a little bit… suspicious? he could be a serial killer or something, why did you decide to hire him?” you asked this time, losing your patience to find out about the guy you fucked.

“because the ceo said we can never find anything like him, apparently his education in australia was really a 5 star one… he sometimes disappears and sometimes doesn’t comes to work? i don’t know how he keeps getting away with all that…” he also fell in deep thoughts before you slapped your hands on his table.

“how old is he?” you eyed the papers in front of him.

“uhm 20 something? early 20s.”

you squinted, biting the inside of your cheek and thanked the HR guy before leaving his office. you desperately walked barefoot to the stairs you lost your shoe and picked it up, jake was nowhere to be seen and you actually didn’t want to see him.

he obviously knew who you were and decided to say nothing about it. he knew you were going to see each other before he went in hard, that felt weird.

you felt played.

your mind was thinking differently than your heart and pussy for sure, they were still craving for his touch and kisses and your mind was signaling to stay away from him. but you also felt like only one look against your way today would make you get wet from the anticipation of feeling him between yours legs one more time.

you decided he was the devil. he cursed you that night and now you can’t live without him.

you seated on your chair desperately despite having nothing to do but work to distract yourself from the confusion. you never saw your dear J again like the HR said he was lost all of a sudden. when at lunch you heard some girls mumbling about him talking about his cologne which made you immediately jealous, you thought it was your special thing to like it on him so much.

other than his colorful hoodies and famous cologne, no one knew anything about jake.

*

after the day was over at work, you still scanned around yourself, when you went to the restroom, you eyed the men’s side as well. you didn’t know what you were going to say to him because you literally run limping after he saved you in the stairs. you wanted him to come up and say something to initiate a conversation but that seemed so like a dream at this point because you felt like he doesn’t care as much as you do.

you went into the parking lot and walked to your car with your spare sneakers that they let you wear because it was better than barefoot. you spotted your car waiting for you to drive you home and when you were about to get in, you saw a little square shaped note that was stuck to your windscreen wiper. your brows furrowed at the number that was written on it.

515.

you picked up to note and sat in your car, resting your forehead on the wheel, now what the fuck was that? it was obviously from jake, you immediately recognized his hand writing. that kind of made you feel better since he didn’t cut the ties completely between you but you were also scared to see him again because you had so many questions.

“OH!” you screamed at yourself. “I know what 515 is.”

you wondered if your relationship was going to be like this little treasure hunt game but you didn’t care. you know it wasn’t over and it was never going to be over when you first laid your eyes on him.

you drove the hotel you guys fucked and told the lobby that you want to visit room 515. the receptionist immediately smiled, like she knew who was staying there, “oh, welcome miss y/l/n… he is waiting for you.”

you squinted your eyes at the girl, obviously feeling weird about him giving your name. and also confirming he came to this hotel a lot.

‘with a different girl every time’ your mind warned you but you pushed it off. this wasn’t the time to get emotional over him. he was just a one night stand who fucked you way too good. so good. so raw. beautifully.

“oh my god.” you slapped your head, letting out a breath as you stood in the elevator, flashbacks all over you when he was sucking your neck and forcing your legs open.

when you arrived to 515 the door was open just a little bit, so you pushed it. his back was turned to you, he was still in his baby blue hoodie and watching the cars and lights of the city from the wall length windows.

seeing him, even from back, already made you dizzy, remembering all the goodness he gave you that night. you unintentionally started walking towards him, your heart wanted to wrap your hands around him and stay in his presence, your pussy wanted you to kneel in front of him and suck him dry and your mind was telling you that you will be heartbroken by the end of this.

jake realized you were in the room but he decided to stay silent as you walked up to him. he was feeling as your body was magnetized to his, opposite to your guesses, he craved you too. he wanted to feel you again so badly, his little whiny sub who looked so pretty and fucked out by him.

“who the fuck are you?” you spat out.

your voice surprised him, he was expecting to feel your lips against he nape of your neck, you tiptoeing to reach his neck and your hand going to his pants… it didn’t happen.

“look at me, jake.”

he turned around on his heel, a stupid smile on his face and his eyes are darkened, looking as beautiful as ever, his long fingers going through his hair and licking his lips as he did. he was so gorgeous you couldn’t say anything to his face. you just stared.

“why so angry baby…?” he stepped closer to you, his breath fanning against your face, “is this how you thank me for fucking you into oblivion?”

you felt your blood boiling at his tone, like he was making fun of you, like he was humiliating you. to his chance, you only liked that in bed.

when you slapped him hard across his cheek, the loud sound of your palm hitting his face echoed in the room, his mouth opened without a sound of reaction. you stood in shock at what you did, silence taking over as you just examined his face.

a smirk covered his lips as he looked away from you.

after that, you don’t know how you grabbed him from his from his collar and pulled him to your body and his fingers got tangled in your hair as he pushed your lips to his, connecting your mouths in a open mouthed kiss. teeth clashing, lip sucking, breathy and wet kiss.

he must have liked it. being slapped.

you felt the air got pushed out from your lungs, you weren’t breathing. you missed him so fucking much, him devouring you felt so needed. he was tugging on your hair from time to time, getting his revenge as you whined into his mouth. his tongue was pushed past against yours, the wet muscles touching each other as you kissed.

you wanted him. so. fucking. badly.

“gonna let daddy fuck your little pussy baby?” he muttered inside of your mouth to tease you, which it worked, you pushed him against the glass as he let out a pained moan, your lips attacking his neck to suck a purple hickey there. his skin tasted delicious, feeling so soft and delicate over your tongue, he was perfect.

your hands slipped inside of his hoodie, scratching the sides of his waist, digging your nails into his skin. meanwhile you trapped the cross necklace dangling on neck between your teeth, looking at him smugly.

“i am going to hell and i am taking you there with me, jakey.”

he understood you were angry and this was going to be a battle of egos as he realized you had a dom side as much as he did. your hands reached behind his neck and took the chain over his neck, leaving him swallowing hardly.

you kneeled down in front of him, now eye level with the outline of his cock that is hard and long under his grey joggers he had on. when you mouthed at his crotch, he let out a guttural moan, feeling the warmth of your mouth over the material on his throbbing cock.

“angel… you are so fucking hot.” his head was thrown back against the window, lips captured between his teeth as you mouthed at his crotch and caressed his thighs. his hands found your hair and pulled your face more to his crotch, his knees bucking when you made a suffocated sound.

your fingers tugged into the waist band of his sweatpants, slowly sliding them down to his knees, you kissed his hard on through his boxers whining with every kiss, “daddy, daddy, daddy…”

“you missed me so much right? bet you masturbated at the vision of me spitting at your drenched hole.”

you got angry again, how he know you did that? you opened your mouth to bite his cock over the material, making him hiss in pain for embarassing you.

“don’t worry angel…” he smiled down at you, “daddy jerked off thinking of your pretty little cunt full of his cum as well.”

you felt proud, and relieved, now that he confessed he was thinking about you too, he was masturbating at the thought of you. fuck, you wished you had seen him playing with himself, palming his balls and desperately pulling at his cock to release. you were do happy to be here, kneeled in front of him, give your man the treatment he longed for.

“i was still leaking of you the next day, jakey…” you pouted up against him and then smirked, pulling his boxers to his knees as well, his cock slapping your face, “oh, you are so big and hard for me, aren’t you?”

he grabbed you by the nape of your neck and made you rub your cheek against his dick, his pre-cum wetting your soft blushed cheeks. “stop being a brat and get to work.”

you kissed the tip of his shaft as a tease, and trailed the kisses down to his base, where his balls stand heavy and swollen full of his cum to spurt out.

“i wish i filmed myself desperately rubbing my pussy on my little pillow, would you have like it if i did?”

“fuck.” he rolled his eyes, he added to his list that he definitely wanted to see you get off on your own desperately. you didn’t want to shut up, you wanted to rile him off and wanted him to get rough so he would fuck you the way you deserved.

“then my bed was… so wet, full of my cream, jakey… your cum spilled down mixed with mine.”

jake gulped loudly he was desperate to have your tight throat swallowing around him. “what else baby, tell me.” he patted your cheek, as you gave kitten licks to the tip of his cock.

“then i, i missed you so much. i cried. i thought i won’t see you again.” you rubbed your nose against him, letting out hiccups that sounded so pathetic.

“crying because you can’t have cock.” he tutted, “thought you were better than that.”

you nodded your head, licking along the underside of his cock before you grabbed him by the base with one hand. “not any cock, your cock.” you corrected him.

“if you missed it so much then why you are not sucking it like the filthy whore you are?”

your nickname changing from angel to a whore got you by surprise but you did like it a lot, you loved when he talked to you disrespectfully but especially when he fucked you disrespectfully.

“because i found out daddy lied.” you let out a sob, “daddy played with me and made me feel bad.”

this was when jake finally understood you were still playing to get your revenge, the slap you landed on his cheek wasn’t enough. he didn’t do it on purpose, he didn’t mean to make you feel weird. he found it unnecessary because if you didn’t break your heel and fell into his lap today, you were never going to find out you worked together, like you didn’t notice the past month.

“i didn’t lie. i just didn’t tell.” he opposed you, getting impatient and bored at your whinings now, thank god you were the most beautiful woman he ever laid his eyes on and had the most delicious pussy he ever devoured.

“i am sorry, okay?” he get it out of the way. you looked up at him and saw a genuine expression on his face.

“will take your apology after i suck this cock,” you bucked your head down, lowering your mouth on him, gagging yourself with his thick length in one move.

“oh my fuck!” he cursed, his hips bucking into your face as you took him full and cockwarming in your mouth without moving. you lapped your tongue around him before you pulled back, string of saliva making a bridge between your lower lip and his tip.

you stared up at him with hazy eyes, pumping his cock in your fist slowly, a smirk appearing on your wet mouth.

“come here you little slut.” he pushed you down on his cock forcefully from the back of your head, holding you steady as his hips started bucking front, tip of his cock tracing your throat as he fucked your mouth. you closed your mouth around him, hallowing your cheeks, so it would feel tighter for him. “fuuuuuck! mouth so warm and wet for daddy, good girl.”

you were sure your throat was bruised from his thrusts as he face fucked you, you gagged, begging for breath before he pulled out, his pre-cum dripping down your chin. after getting only few breaths, you opened your mouth, sticking your tongue for him. jake laughed as he placed his cock on your tongue, painfully rubbing it back on forth on your wet muscle, saliva dripping down to your lap from your open mouth.

“my girl loves it messy and wet, just like daddy.” he mumbled, forcing his dick deeper, as he grabbed your hair and pulled your head down, his tip hitting somewhere deep down in your mouth. when he slipped out of your mouth, your face followed it, begging more of his dick.

“where do you wanna cum daddy, i wanna make you cum whole night so it won’t be last,” you assured him, your voice sounding raspy from him assaulting your throat. you opened the buttons of your blouse and showed him the valley of your tits. “do you want to cum here?”

“get on bed.” he commanded, not liking your suggestion, he had something different in mind. he let go of his cock and watched you crawl back on the bed until you sat down resting your back on the headboard.

he got rid of his pants and boxers pooling around his feet when he only had that baby blue hoodie on him. putting his knee on the bed, he got closer to you, popping the button of your pants and sliding them down your legs. in the meantime you got rid of your shirt, leaving yourself with your lacy bra which decorated your chest beautifully. you reached to him with your both hands and tugged the end of his hoodie and shook it, signaling him to take it off. he granted your wish taking it over his head and throwing it to the floor, his one hand got back to his cock so he would keep himself alerted while he leaned down, pulling on your lacy panties with his teeth and slowly dragging them down your legs as well, the smell of your arousal filled his nostrils, you smelled sweet and yummy.

he forced your legs open and bent your knees down after he kneeled in front of you on the bed and started pumping himself.

“part your lips, baby.” he instructed, you shook your head and snaked your arms under your kneecaps, pulling your legs up to your chest before your index and middle finger opened yourself up for him, your arousal dripping down to your ass.

“my god, look at that pussy leaking it’s cream.” he mocked you, pumping himself faster as his eyes were zoned out on your needy pussy, clenching around nothing. “who’s it creaming for?” he taunted you.

“daddy!!” you chanted, pulling your lips apart more, feeling a shot of arousal leaking down your ass.

“good girl, whenever someone fucks you, remember who you belong to.”

you wouldn’t want anyone to fuck you after jake, it was impossible for someone to make you feel as good as him, fuck you like he does.

“now, keep on telling me how you fucked your tiny cunt without me. show me.” he tugged on his cock, slowed his movements so he can watch you a little more before he applies his plans.

you switched your hands, obeying his words, your non dominant hand holding your lips apart now as the others rubbed the rim of your entrance. you twitched when your fingers sinked in your core, making you feel full. you dragged them in and out of your pussy, giving jake a show of his dreams. your cunt gushed around your fingers, creaming over them, every time you pushed them back in your heat. you curled them up, trying to push them deeper as you stretched your tightness.

his eyes followed your fingers plunging into you, the sound it made was so erotic yet beautiful and he wanted to suck up all your juices. your head was rested back on the headrest of the bed, your throat looking so smooth and pure, perfect for his mouth to nibble at. your tits were swollen and perky with all the build up, your lips parted with pretty moans.

he slapped your hand from your cunt, the harsh drag of your fingers out your pussy made you yelp, as he stared at your uncontrollably clenching hole, jerking himself off relentlessly.

he shot all of his cum against core, painting your folds with his hot white release. some got on your lower stomach and inside of your thighs but he mainly aimed your needy hole. you were feeling his cum dripping down to your other entrance, which made you unintentionally clench.

“now…” he sat back on his heels, “you are gonna fuck my cum into that hole, angel. want your pussy full of me.”

you cried out, from happiness and neediness as you get to use your hand again, you messily lapped your fingers around your pussy to gather his cum. sticky substance touching your skin made you dizzy as you rubbed your clit with it, moaning in pleasure. jake didn’t want you to waste any drip though.

“inside you. now.”

“are you only gonna watch, daddy?” you asked, looking at him under your lashes.

he leaned in and rubbed inside of your thighs, making your clit throb, “daddy’s gonna fuck you later, baby, i promise.”

you believed his words and staring at his eyes, you pushed his cum inside of you, messily fingering yourself as he leaked back out. you tried to gather some, coating your insides again but since your cunt keep getting wetter and wetter it kept oozing out of you, you whined, “jakey, help me.”

he smiled at his nickname that you decided to give him today, he softly nodded his head to you before leaned in and got eye level with your hole that was stuffed with your three fingers. he kissed the top of your hand, making you release the pressure you were giving to your core, he sticked out his middle and ring finger and abruptly pushed it under yours, inside of your cunt, the stretch made you wince in pain. you had 5 fingers in you.

“jake!!!” you screamed, looking down, feeling his fingers against yours, inside of you tight pussy. he kissed the inside of your thigh, “see, nothing’s leaking now, baby.”

you cried out, feeling so full, you tried to pull your hands out but the friction didn’t let you. he soothed your thighs with his other hand, making you relax to stop you from clenching. he wiggled his fingers inside a little, seeing if he could move, and when he figured out your hole is stretched out enough, he pulled your hand out of your entrance. “doing so good baby, so so good.”

he fucked his cum into you a little more, your eyes closed with pleasure, finally him doing the work and making you feel good. your legs were still pressed to your chest and your pussy was all open for him to finger you easily. he leaned in sucked in one of your nipples into his mouth, then biting it and nibbling on it, leaving marks all over your boob. he switched to your jaw and left open mouthed kisses as he talked. “you can cum, baby.”

“no, no, no.” whines spilled from your lips, trying to close your legs around his body for him to stop. “wanna cum on your cock, please.”

“oh?” he sent you a cocky smile, connecting your lips in a kiss as he pulled his fingers from your cunt. you hummed into his mouth, thanking him your way. he released your hands under your legs, making them lay on the bed comfortably as he still kept them open. your limbs were sore from keeping them up for so long but the pain it gave you was pleasurable. he kissed down your stomach and he couldn’t hold himself but licked a bold stripe along your folds, tasting himself mixed with your aroma.

“jake!!” you cried out, you were so close but you didn’t want to cum yet.

“keep it in for me just a little bit more.” he asked before he pressed his tongue flat on your core, sliding it down to your ass, picking some of his cum that were on your other hole, you bolted up to his face in surprise, feeling his wet muscle on your back entrance.

“not now… but one day,” he smirked, as he dragged his tongue back up, sliding it into your entrance as your cunt sucked him in. he lapped your juices, humming and moaning as he tasted you, his nose brushing against your clit whenever he pushed his tongue deeper, your legs squeezed his head between them, the denial of your orgasm getting harder and harder every second.

he let go of your clit with a pop, and kissed down your legs, giving you soothing massages around your calves as you panted. you were gushing out your arousal non stop without reaching your high, jake knew he was going to make you squirt on his lap.

he held you up from your arms, making you sit on hid thighs as he brushed your sweat from your face with his hands. he rubbed the his tip along your folds as you rested your forehead on his shoulder, kissing his skin and moaning against it with anticipation. “please…” you cried out, before he made you sit on his dick, bottoming you out. you screamed, digging your nails on his shoulders as he grabbed your hips from both sides, pulling you up and down on his shaft in an unbelievable pace.

“j-j-ake, ahh!” your voice croaked in your throat as he pulled your cheeks apart with his hand to push deeper into you. you were bouncing uncontrollably on his cock, as he placed wet kisses all over your chest. “so good for me, angel, you are so fucking good.”

he was hitting your g-spot in a relentless pace, your ass was bouncing against his balls and your lips rubbed against each others as you went up and down on his lap, digging your nails on his shoulders, you kissed him and he kissed you back, humming into your mouth in pleasure. he let you control the pace as his hands gripped your legs, pulling you closer to his chest and kissing you deeper, so passionately and forceful, you melted into his touch. you kept your bouncing movements on his cock, whimpering into his mouth with every move.

“close?” he mumbled against your lips and you only nodded, feeling a big release mounting in your core, something you never felt before. “jake, i think i—

you couldn’t manage to finish your words when you lifted your hips abruptly off his dick, looking down on his lap and yours as clear juices spilled from your cunt, getting all over you.

he made you squirt all over him. he breathlessly looked at your face, as you also stared at his, keeping you ass up from his painfully erected dick, you didn’t think you were able to take him again, after what just happened.

he smirked, looking at the droplets of your cum running down his abs, “angel, you made a big mess this time.” he said, like he wasn’t expecting you to squirt all over him after all the foreplay and orgasm denials he put you through.

you slowly sat back on high thighs, your wetness still spilling down as your cunt made contact with his skin. “i- i am sorry, i-“

he stopped you from talking nonsense by pulling your lips to his, kissing you passionately, “that was the sexiest thing i’ve ever seen, so, don’t be sorry.” he mumbled against your lips before he sucked on your lower lip and left a bruise there.

you let out a breath, coming down your high, still sitting on the pool with him that you just made, you stared down and see even his chest had some of your juices. then you saw his dick hard and erected between your bodies. “let me take care of you now, jakey.” you smiled, taking his wet cock in your hand, and stroking him off as your eyes stared at each others.

jake didn’t know it was possible to feel this euphoric with a woman and you didn’t know the men from novels actually existed.

he spilled all over your hand and some on your tits as he cummed, you scooped it from your chest and put your fingers on your mouth, sucking them clean.

“fuck.” he grunted as he watched you, now fully spent and exhausted, he didn’t know what to do with you. with his little subby vixen who made him feel things he never felt, staring at his eyes innocently like she wasn’t the one taking his cock and squirting all over him.

“let’s clean up angel, we obviously can’t sleep like this.” he giggled, stroking your cheek in a loving way, “you’re feeling okay right? now drop this time?”

“no drop.” you assured him. “before we shower…” you wrapped your arms around his neck, “can i trust you jake? without knowing anything about you, can i still trust you?”

jake was glad you were willing to trust him because he really wanted to get more of you. he nodded and smiled at you. “you can trust me.” he kissed your temple, “just don’t ask me questions because i don’t have answers that will satisfy you.”

“okay.” you nodded your head, you knew he wasn’t dangerous and the secrets he kept was his business, you only cared about the connection you had.

he carried you to the shower, like the first time, this time he left you alone for you to clean up yourself as he tidied the room and get clean sheets from the room service. you were about to open the door to get out of the bathroom but you heard him talking on the phone. you promised yourself you weren’t going to dig for information in the shower but you couldn’t help and eavesdropped.

“how many times i told you, i don’t want it!” he yelled on the phone talking angrily with someone. you got angry too, whoever it is making your man go crazy after you made him so soft.

“no one will know. no one! you are already causing too much trouble on my life!” he hissed, lowering his voice incase you might hear.

“i don’t want this life you planned for me.” he said lastly, hanging up the phone to whoever talking’s face.

you counted to 10 before you unlocked the door and got in the room, only wrapped by the little towel that was in the shower. when he saw you, frustrated frown disappeared and a smile took over his face.

he was adorable.

“is my girl all clean?” he asked, hugging you by your waist and placing his other hand on your ass. you hummed, kissing his lips. “you are gonna sleep over here, right?” he tilted his head, you couldn’t believe you managed to slap his beautiful face earlier.

“wanna sleep next to you jakey.” you told him and he squeezed your ass before slapping it lightly. “cool, wasn’t my intention to let you go tonight, baby.” he rubbed your shoulders and went into the bathroom. you dried yourself and got under sheets naked, since you didn’t want to put on you work clothes are wet underwear.

you listened to the sound of his showering as you think about jake, you listed the things you know about him and the things you didn’t. it wasn’t you typical kind of relationship, knowing so little about them but still trusting them for some reason. at least you knew he was your colleague, the silent introverted boy you see everyday at work.

“i don’t want this life you planned for me!”

who was he talking to? why he had to be so mysterious to you, why he couldn’t open up and tell you who he was. you promised him you won’t be asking him any questions so you shushed your mouth. one night stands were something you did before and this was a different and more intimate kind of one night stand you were having.

a one night stand (two, actually) who you want to cuddle all night.

the door opened and jake got out, ruffling his hair with the towel, he opened the closet and it was full of his personal clothes. your eyebrows rose. “do you live in this suit?” you asked. he nodded without turning back to you, “yeah, couldn’t bother looking for a house.”

‘oh he’s filthy rich…’

“i understand.” you talked in small, laying back down on the bed, he turned his neck to check on you, seeing you still naked under the covers. he picked out a oversized t-shirt along with this sweatpants that he was going to wear to sleep.

he put his knee on the bed and crawled to you, took you few seconds that he was naked when he handed you the shirt. “wear this, it gets chilly at night.”

he slipped himself in some boxers and then his sweatpants as you tucked the material over your head and pulled it down your body. “thanks.” you mumbled to him and he only nodded, before he laid on his side, staring at your face. his thumb traced the bruise he left on your bottom lip. “does this hurt?” he asked, which made you smile softly. “no, it doesn’t.” you replied him.

“i am sorry, for not telling you that we worked together, i know i should have done it, but i—, since we never talked it felt weird so i, i just—“ you shushed him by pressing your lips against his. you knew one day you were going to get to know him. and you knew he had a good heart.

he kissed you back, pulling you to himself by your cheeks. it was soft and passionate and it felt great after all the hardcore sex you had. “it’s okay jakey, i forgive you.” you rubbed your nose against his, forgetting all your worries and pushing them to a side as you wrapped yourself around him like a koala. he felt so warm and smelled so clean, he made you feel so happy.

once you fell into sleep, he kept watching your sleeping face. he traced your cheekbones with his fingers softly.

“i wish i was the guy who was meant to love you the way you deserve, y/n…” he whispered, then tucking his face into the crook of your neck to doze off.

he should have stayed away from you the moment he saw you, but he failed to his feelings.

.

.

.

to be continued

#jake x reader #jake smut #enha smut #enhypen smut #enhypen hard hours #enhypen scenarios #enhypen fanfics #enhypen hard thoughts #jake fanfic #sim jake x reader #jake fics #enhypen x reader #enhypen #sim jake #sim jaeyun

[disasterofastory]

The maid of Mr. Barnes - Part 1 (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

The maid of Mr. Barnes Part 1 - Interview // The maid of Mr. Barnes Masterlist Bucky Barnes x Reader Mafia AU Warnings: none

Summary: You have an interview for the maid job.

A/N: The first chapter of my new series about Bucky as a mobster and Reader as his new maid. I’m really excited about this story and I hope you will like it. Enjoy!

You are in the middle of nowhere. Acres of clear meadows surround you with forests in the background. Colorful wildflowers decorate the tall grass. Blooming red poppies cover the peaceful scenery. They ripple under the slight breeze of summer. The sun is at the top of the clear sky, warming your skin as you push yourself closer to the window. You can feel its heat on your shoulder. The bus slowly rocks under you with every hump and turn. The muscles of your legs flex as you try to keep your balance on your seat. Your eyes are on the view as you search for your destination. Nobody told you you have to go out to the middle of nowhere. Nobody told you that Mr. Barnes lives so far away from the city.

"Hey, Miss," the driver calls out for you as the bus stops with a loud creak. He glances at you over his shoulder. "This is your stop." You frown at his words but still move to get off the vehicle with a soft thank you. "And where should I go?" You turn back to the bus, looking up at the man behind the wheel. "Go straight, miss. You won't miss it." Well, if Mr. Barnes doesn't live in a tree, you are sure you won't miss it. "Thank you," you sigh, nodding at the driver as the doors of the bus close in front of you.

Soon, the bus departs, leaving you on the side of the road. There is a wooden board with a riding school name on it. A painted white horse looks back at you above the crooked letters. The dirt road behind it leads into the forest with muddy wheel tracks. The musky scent of the animals slaps you across the face as the light wind swirls in the air. The heavy smell settles in your nostrils.

Adjusting the bag on your shoulder, you turn to the other way to continue your journey to the given address.

The agency you work for called you a few days ago with an offer. They told you somebody needs a maid and asked if you are interested. You would have to move in, and it pays well. It was everything you wanted, but there was a catch. Of course, there is always a catch. You would work for Mr. Barnes. The mob boss. One of the leaders of the Avengers.

You heard of them before like everyone else. The gang rules the city and a lot of others. Some say they are harmless if you don't cross their way, while others are sure they are cruel and ready to kill you even because of a glance. You don't know who you should believe. You never had to care about them until now. But right now, you are in great need of a job and money, and you are not in the position to be picky. At this point, you don't care if Mr. Barnes is a gangster or a baker if he pays you well.

Almost half an hour later, you find the right road that leads you to the mansion. You can barely see the white building behind the tall brick wall that encircles the whole estate.

Well, at least he doesn't live in a tree.

You glance down at your watch with a relieved sigh. You still have five minutes until the interview. You are surprised you get here on time. There was a point in your journey when you were sure the bus driver made a fool of you. You stop in front of the iron gate, smoothing out the invisible wrinkles on your clothes. There is a panel on the wall with a blank screen. You frown at it. What should you do with it? You are ready to panic when a voice breaks your confused state from nowhere. Jumping at the sudden noise, you look up at the cameras that turn your way in sync with the question. "Who are you?" "I'm Y/N," you speak up after a few seconds of hesitation. You grimace when you hear the trembling of your voice. "I'm here for the interview for the maid position." "Come in," somebody answers, and with that, the gate opens just enough to let you in. It creaks and groans.

A gravel road leads you to the building, splitting in two with a fountain in the middle. Water falls from the top with an elegant curve. Well-kept trees and bushes follow you on your way. The air is filled with the scent of blooming flowers. Small pebbles creak under your steps, and a man already waits for you on the marble porch. He wears jeans and a simple shirt. The fabric does nothing to hide his muscled body.

"Good morning," you speak up first, trying to put on your bravest face. A small jerk of the man's lips tells you that your attempt is unsuccessful. "Good morning," he says, holding out his hand for a shake when you reach him. "Sam Wilson." "Y/N Y/L/N," you introduce yourself, grabbing his warm hand. His squeeze is gentle and doesn't last longer than a second. "Come on in," he says. "I hope it's not a problem if we look into your bag. It's a protocol." "It's okay," you hum, following him into the building. What could your answer be? No? You didn't come all the way to back out now because they want to see what is in your bag.

A small room opens from the foyer. A man sits behind a desk full of computers. With a quick glance, you can see a lot of different parts of the house on the screens. Mr. Barnes really protects his place, huh? "Y/N, he is Phil," Sam says, introducing you to the man. "If you get the job, you will meet him often." "Hello," you wave at him awkwardly. "Ms. Y/L/N," he nods your way, taking your bag from your hand to look into it. "Can I trust you enough to believe you don't have any bug on you?" Your eyes widen at Sam's words. "A what?" You ask back. "A listening device," he explains. "Oh," you gasp. "No. I-I have nothing on me besides... clothes." You are not sure you would let them search you even though you really need the job. "Okay," Phil speaks up, giving you back your bag. "It's clear." "Great," Sam nods, touching your elbow for a second to goad you to the stairs. "We will talk in my office if it's okay with you?" "Sure," you nod, following up to the second floor.

You are confused about where Mr. Barnes is, but after some thinking, it's obvious he wouldn't waste his time on you. You are sure he has much more important things to do than questioning somebody for a maid position.

The house is beautiful with natural colors and huge windows. Expensive paintings hang on the walls with more expensive furniture and decorations all around the place. After a few turns, you entirely lost yourself in the corridors, almost walking into the man when he stops in front of a door.

"Sit down, please," he says, motioning you to one of the chairs in front of a huge mahogany desk. "So, Y/N Y/L/N," he starts, sitting down on his chair, and leaning back on it. "You live in the city with one of your friends, correct?" "Yes," you nod, surprised. Sam smiles at you apologetically, seeing your shock. "Background check," he says. "I hope you understand." "Yes," you nod. It doesn't mean you feel comfortable with it. What do they know about you already? "And you have already worked as a maid before," he states. "Yes," you nod again. "For two years. And before it, I worked in hotels." "So you know what you would have to do here. Bucky doesn't ask much, just basic cleaning and keeping everything organized. He has a chef and a few gardeners. They come and go every few days. And a team comes a few times a month for deep cleaning." You nod. It's a relief. You don't know how you could keep this place clean alone all the time. You would need a week just to wash the windows. "If you get the job, you would have to live here. Is it okay?" "Yes." "And I guess you already know about what we do?" "Yes." Your lips are dry, and you have to force your leg not to bounce. Everybody knows what they do. "I shouldn't even say this, but this job requires discretion. I'm sure you will see and hear things that may disturb you, but Bucky needs someone who can keep her mouth shut and turn a blind eye on things." "I can do that," you reply a bit too quickly. "I mean, I will try... I hope." "It's okay, Y/N," Sam smiles at you warmly. "It's understandable you are a bit nervous." Nervous doesn't describe how you really feel. A job interview is already stressful enough without meeting with gangsters. "A lot of our men sleep here from time to time, or they even move in when needed. All of us have our own rooms, and it's not your job to keep them tidy, but they still need cleaning from time to time. And the same goes for the offices. Most of your job will be in the common rooms and what they ask you to do. Is it okay?" "Yes," you nod. "I can even help in the kitchen or in the garden," you offer, hoping you don't sound too desperate. "Can you cook?" "Yes." You are not a master chef, but nobody complained before. "And the garden?" "I learn quickly." "That's a good thing in this house. Do you have anything else to say?" "I guess you already know everything," you tell him after some thinking. You hope the sarcasm isn't so obvious in your tone. "That's probably true," he nods. "If that's it, we are done here. I will call you this week with the decision, but I wouldn't be worried if I were you. For obvious reasons, not many people applied for this job." You don't feel better after his comment. Maybe applying for the job was a mistake? The others maybe know something you don't? You stand up from your seat, unsure about what to do next. Is it really over? "You can go, Y/N," he nods, busying himself with a document in front of him. "Thank you," you reply in the end, making your way to the door with a last glance back to the man. "Have a nice day, Mr. Wilson."

The moment you touch the handle, the door bursts open, almost hitting you on the face. A loud gasp breaks up from your chest as you jump back. "Oh!" A man stops at the doorway, looking at you with shock. "I'm sorry." "It's okay," you croak out. "I'm fine." "Are you here for the job?" "Yes," you nod. "We are finished just now," Sam says. "Steve, let Y/N go on her way. I'm sure she has already fed up with us." Sam's voice is cheeky and humorous as the blond man in front of you steps out of your way to let you leave. "Have a nice day," you tell them again as a goodbye.

A relieved sigh leaves your lips as you step out of the room before you stop in your tracks. Where did you come from?

"You are a bastard, Sam," Steve says to his friend after the door closes behind him with a soft click. A devilish smile pulls on his lips. "She will wrap Bucky around her little finger within a minute." Steve Rogers knows his best friend and the type of women Bucky likes. And you are just the type. "He deserves it after making fun of me so many times because of Leila." A muffled knock cuts into their conversation before Steve can answer. "Yes?" The blond man opens the door, becoming face to face with you once again. "Did you forget something?" "I..." you clear your throat. "I don't know where the exit is," you confess. Your skin heats up, and the men's laugh doesn't help your embarrassment even though their amusement is not mocking. You don't want to know what they may think of you now. The silly girl can't even find her way out of the building that's bigger than all of the houses she lived in her whole life. "I will show you," Steve offers, looking back at Sam over his shoulder. "We will talk later."

"I'm Steve Rogers, by the way," he introduces himself formally, walking beside you. "Y/N Y/L/N," you reply. "I didn't see your car outside." "I came by bus," you shrug. "Bus?" He asks, surprised. "I will take you home." It's not an offer. It's a statement. "You don't have to," you argue softly anyway. "I'm sure you have more important things to do." "It's fine, Y/N," he smiles at you. His crystal blue eyes gleam under the rays of sunshine filtering through the windows. "Thank you," you reply at the end. Arguing with Steve would probably be futile, so you don't even try it. If he wants to take you home, so be it. You would have to wait for the next bus for an hour anyway.

You are happy the interview is over. Both Sam and Steve seem nice, but you know better than to trust their facade. They are dangerous men, and you still didn't meet with your boss.

Mr. Barnes.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #marvel imagine #avengers imagine #mafia au

[reimeichan]

How did you all figure out you were a system? -🪭

It depends on who you're asking.

For Purple, she was always open to the idea that the world had a lot of unexplainable phenomena that our current knowledge of science and stuff may not be able to address. When we were 12, she was looking online for ways to flesh out OCs, and one of the suggestions was to talk to said OC as if you were giving them an interview. So she asked said "OC" some questions and had him answer them. "What's your favorite color?" she asked. "Gray," I said. "No, that's wrong! I made you, I know your favorite color is green! I put it down on your character sheet!" she said back. I shrugged, and, confused, replied back, "It's definitely gray, I don't know what to tell you." And in that moment she knew she shared a brain with another entity, though she dared not label her experiences as DID at the time.

For Green, in high school he had joined a new online community who noted how his personality would occasionally just *drastically* shift. This personality shift was due to him and Purple switching at the time, and Purple, already in the know, would end up telling this new community how they likely had some sort of "multiple personality" thing going on but would never presume for it to be DID without a proper diagnosis. Those words alone were enough for Green to realize that Purple truly was a separate identity from him, and though he was shocked at first, he and Purple really leaned into the "multiple personalities", even giving themselves different halves of our online username at the time.

For me... well, I'm a fusion of a few parts. One part of me, the Gray that Purple met and mistook for an OC, knew around the same time as her. I was in denial for much longer, but constant pestering from her made me finally accept that she and I were at least separate consciousnesses within the same brain.

Another part of me was blissfully unaware until we nearly died in 2020. I won't go into detail how it happened, but it was sudden and out of nowhere, and though nobody was too greatly injured, the shock was enough for me to fully dissociate away from the situation. However, we still needed someone to actually be in the body and move it around, so out of desperation our gatekeeper (the "mistaken for OC Gray") pushed out the first alter he could find... and that happened to be Rouge, our sexual alter. Let me just paint the picture here real quick: I've told everyone around me that I'm asexual, somewhat sex-repulsed, and had no plans to ever be sexual with anyone. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, I'm on Tinder witht the sluttiest profile I can muster up, swiping right on anyone and everyone who I even remotely may be interested in a one-night hookup. All because I nearly died. I woke up in the morning to hundreds of matches and even a planned fuckdate. All of this, might I remind you all of the timing, in the middle of a pandemic that we at the time did not have a vaccine for yet. Horrified by what I found in the morning, I canceled the fuckdate, deleted my account, and uninstalled the app.

And though that was still not enough for me to accept I have DID, that sure did open some doors.

Then, in 2022, my then-partner and I had a long talk. They were getting tired of my memory issues and no amount of writing things down seemed to be enough for them. I seemed to have incredibly inconsistent and even contradictory boundaries that they couldn't keep track of. I blamed everything on my ADHD, of course. I didn't have amnesia, other than what I assumed were short term memory issues to the point I may have missed something they said 5 minutes ago. "Oh, sorry, I was spacing out," I would say. Eventually she got so fed up that she said, "you never space out when we're having fun conversations! it's only when you're stressed out because I'm pointing out things you've done badly that you tend to space out!"

And I went. Oh. Fuck.

That's not spacing out.

Slapped in the face with the reality that I wasn't simply "spacing out" from ADHD unfocus but due to some kind of dissociation, and given the ultimatum that if I didn't change then they would break up with me, I was forced to sit on those feelings and really dig into why I was so dissociative, so forgetful, and so inconsistent. And I knew the reason, I did, but I couldn't get myself to admit to it. God, it couldn't be me. I tried so hard to convince myself that the disorder I had on-and-off considered my entire life didn't apply to me, that maybe I was misunderstanding the diagnostic criteria, or I was misinterpreting my symptoms, or that I somehow had convinced myself I had these symptoms because I wanted them to feel... special? Validated? I don't know.

I found myself a therapist who had a long history of working with dissociative and trauma clients. She helped me unravel a lot of those feelings of shame and denial. She used a few different tools to eventually diagnose me with DID. She validated my experiences, and helped me through so much initial stabilization that I'm so very grateful for her help those first 10 months.

So, yeah. That's how we found out we have DID.

#did #dissociative identity disorder #actually did #actuallydid #did osdd #osddid #cdd #personal #by gray #about green #about purple #we've been meaning to write this for a long time #so thank you for the ask #the-bumblebee-system #the bumblebee system

[loveyourownsmiilee]

Sorry I made you cry 🩷 aushaulsaha but it's true I've seen so many people jump out of the ship of the ship or starting to ship t*van that it make me nervous and scared that abc would choose the easy way with them and your blog helped me to center myself. Oliver recent interviews also helped a lot too, with the "I see what everybody sees. I watch the same show. I don't think buddie fans are wrong"

I can see it happening, Tommy being the one to make Buck realize, because it is so normal for Buck that he doesn't even question his feelings for Eddie anymore, and "it's Eddie" would be a beautiful way to close this chapter of that relationship and keep being friends.

I get it that Eddie's storyline needs more development, but I hope we get a least a hint from Eddie that he will get there in season 8, even if unconscious of him looking longing to B and T or being jealous like he was with Taylor.

It’s alright they were good tears mixed with some painful ones bc I’m recovering from a root canal lol. But thank you nonetheless 💜💜

Look I don’t get why some ppl were so quick to jump ships to whatever they’re calling the Buck and Tommy ship but I have never ever jumped ship. Buddie is it for me. It will always be my otp and I’m sticking to it. I don’t care what others choose to do bc everyone is entitled to their own opinions and shit. But whatever it could not and would not be me.

With thet being said, I get the worry but I don’t see it happening. Abc finally gave Tim the green light to tell the story he’s been wanting to for years now. And anyone who has basic media literacy can see that Tommy is a stepping stone and is here to serve a purpose and then leave. He’s not gonna be the endgame love interest bc even though people are enjoying him at this moment, a lot more people have been wanting Buddie for years. And they all still want mainly the same thing which is eventual Buddie. Tim and ABC would be crazy, in my opinion, to finally have Buck living his truth only to put him in a relationship with someone who resembles with Eddie. Honestly to me, a longtime fan and shipper, it would feel like a slap to my face. So hence why I’m being patient and understanding that things are happening for other bigger things to come afterwards. It’s all part of long form storytelling my dear.

Like I also mentioned, I think Tommy knows something and will eventually help Buck realize it too. But we still need to get through Eddie’s storyline. We need to have him explore and embrace his sexuality too for Buddie to actually get together. So in all due time I believe he’ll happen. One thing I’m almost certain of is that Tim, Oliver, Lou, and Ryan are all in on it. In on what’s really to come and it shows by all their answers to pr and shit. So yeah I’m choosing to remain hopeful as always bc Buddie is truly inevitable!!

#juju answers #jensenboyjared #buddie #tommy kinard

[racefortheironthrone]

The 2023 Hellfire Gala stacked its tragedies higher and higher, after the initial party crashing, in parts similar to the Red Wedding. What are your thoughts on the event?

Anonymous asked: What did you think of the Hellfire Gala 2023 one shot and specifically how the new team of X-Men were treated?

I would recommend first listening to Gerry Duggan's interview on the Cerebrocast podcast, because I think he gives some important context for the artistic intent behind the 2023 Hellfire Gala.

Then I'm going to talk about some spoilery/speculative stuff after the cut. You have been warned.

Introduction

So let's start with my overall impression: the Hellfire Gala was really tough to read and I found myself reading in chunks of a few pages at a time and then putting it down, because either I was dreading what was about to happen or needing a minute to process what had just happened.

None of that makes it bad comics, because it's very clearly intended to be tough to read - as a recapitulation of the original Mutant Massacre which originally ended with the X-Men decimated, spread across the world, and faking their own deaths in order to strike back from the shadows, this event is supposed to put our heroes in the absolute worst position possible, "put their backs to the wall" as Duggan put it, to see how they get out of it. And I do think there are both textual and metatextual clues for how they get out of it.

The Prelude

Just to start with everything that takes place before things start to go to hell: as previewed, it is revealed that Kamala Khan is both a mutant and an Inhuman, as she is restored to life by the Five. Following up from some of her increasingly cryptic comments in Immortal X-Men, the FCBD Uncanny Avengers one-shot, and Rogue & Gambit, Destiny is trying to GTFO to avoid the Massacre but Mystique wants to stay and help Rogue, which causes a fight and ultimately leads to Mystique's seeming death (although we never see the body).

After Professor X expositions a bit of Ms. Marvel's new status quo, we get an interesting scene between Ms. Marvel and Rasputin IV in which we learn that in Rasputin's future, Kamala is a figure of legend as both a mutant and Inhuman and something of a hero of Rasputin's (following the theme of Rasputin as fangirl). What I find a bit strange is that the Sins of Sinister timeline took place before Kamala's death and resurrection - so how is it that Rasputin knows about her as a mutant? Also, I'm a bit confused when it comes to the mention of the "breeding pits," because I don't remember those being mentioned in the SoS timeline and instead the chimeras seemed more purpose-built rather than mass produced.

To weaken resistance to their plans, ORCHIS sets off their distraction attacks at the Treehouse, D.C, and the Brooklyn Bridge, which cause Cyclops, the Avengers, and Rogue to leave right before everything goes down. (This is a better explanation for "why didn't the other heroes help" than we've gotten in a while - ORCHIS has worked out contingency plans, and those plans are setting up Uncanny Avengers.)

The X-Men Vote

Here we get to the first big gut-punch moment of the event: the new X-Men team is voted on and revealed, and it's a lineup that a lot of people were really excited about: it's the most diverse X-Men team since HOXPOX (half poc, half women of color, and the first elected human X-Men), and it features a good mix of well-known characters like Jubilee and Juggernat as well as more niche fan-favorites like Frenzy and Prodigy.

Then Nimrod drops in from terminal velocity and wipes out almost everyone on the team, and for some fans it felt like a very charged slap in the face, given the rise of far-right violence against minority communities and how that's evoked by these dead mutants of color. Leaving aside that I think it's a very deliberate invocation of that by the creatives, I can understand why people are upset by these deaths (and indeed, the deaths of Bobby, Jean Grey, Mystique, Lourdes, et al.). A lot of characters that we all care about died in gruesome, painful fashions - and I think it's ok for people to feel bad about that.

However, I'm not as devastated as I could be, because I know these characters aren't really dead for good - and I don't mean that in the "no one stays in comic books" long-term sense. Part of this has to do with how I interpret the ultimate fate of the Five and the population of Krakoa, but also part of it has to do with the fact that I've seen solicits and previews for forthcoming Fall of X books, so I know that some of the characters we see dead are appearing soon in major roles - Iceman's got a solo book, Jean Grey's got a solo book, Juggernaut's on the cover of a forthcoming issue of X-Men, etc.

I am willing to bet dollars to donuts that the X-Office did not go through the rigamore of an X-Men election and putting together a team lineup to not use there characters in Fall of X. But it's meant to be a surprise when they suddenly turn up to save the day.

Two minor points involving a status quo to people's powers: when ORCHIS attacks, it is revealed that Magik's powers have been interfered with by Dr. Stasis' nanite infection (as part of ORCHIS' focus on cutting X-Men off from teleportation), and Iceman gets jabbed with what seems like a similar device by Nimrod (which helps to explain why part of his storyline for his upcoming book seems to be him having trouble with his powers).

Forced Surrender and Survival

It's at this point that Dr. Stasis and Karima make a dramatic tango entrance and reveal their masterstroke: they reveal the killswitch that Stasis and MODOK have built into Krakoan medicines, and use that to force Xavier into surrendering and mind-controlling mutantdom into leaving Earth.

Even though Duggan et al. have been foreshadowing this for some time - we've known Stasis had been fucking with the meds generally since the first Gala, we've known about the killswitch for a couple issues of X-Men, etc. - the twist that it would be used not just to blacken Krakoa's reputation but to blackmail Xavier into using his telepathy against Krakoa is a very good one. By taking millions of human lives hostage, ORCHIS is essentially forcing Xavier to undergo a real-life trolley problem experiment, counting on his very empathy and humanitarianism to win them the day.

(My one critique is that it's not really explained why Xavier couldn't use his mutant powers to mind-control Stasis and MODOK and prevent them from activating the kill-switch in the same way that Jean Grey does a bit later. I think the storytelling reason is that they don't want to repeat the Jean Grey/Moira beat, but it is awkward and ungainly that Xavier is uncharacteristically passive compared to later in the story and it's not explained why.)

This then kicks off a series of dominos:

Jean dies, and Scott is taken away in another dubious ambulance - we know from solicits that Jean is doing some sort of rebirth/time-travel stuff in her miniseries, so that makes sense, and Cyclops is apparently going to be a prisoner of ORCHIS. This also has the effect of reserving the spotlight entirely for Synch and Talon as the new leaders of the X-Men, as Jean and Scott are not going to be active drivers of the plot.

In a very good plotline, Jean chooses Firestar as a retroactive undercover agent within ORCHIS, playing on Firestar's reputation as someone with a rocky relationship with mutantkind - but without any clear way of proving her true loyalties to surviving mutants.

This is a key moment that has really important context for what comes next: as the mind-controlled mutants walk into the gates, Mother Righteous does something to alter their destination and traps Krakoa's Atlantic island in one of her magical lanterns. This is very important, because among those who go through the gates are the Five - and depending on what you think happens to them, that really affects what you think of the death of the X-Men lineup or the broader Fall of X scenario. (Notably, as this happens, Destiny turns to the camera to tell Mystique and us the reader that this is the only way for mutantkind to survive, which is an important bit of signposting to reassure the audience that the writers are playing fair rather than doing a screwjob.)

Those mutants who are going to be the main characters in Fall of X, whether it's Kurt in Uncanny Spider-Man, Emma et al. in Immortal X-Men, Synch and Talon et al. in X-Men, the whacky Limbo crew in Dark X-Men, and so forth, are distinguished from the rest of mutantkind by their red triangle defense that Gerry Duggan borrowed from Al Ewing. (I like linking the Red Triangle to the letters of the word resist, that's an instantly iconic bit of worldbuidling there.) Interestingly, some of the characters who you would have thought would get the red triangle training - like Ilyana and the crew from Realm of X - stil go through the portals and others it's left ambiguous.

With psychic assistance from Emma Frost, much of the cast of Fall of X manages to escape to New York City, although Lourdes is killed in the process of teleporting them to safety- once again returning to her original origin and death in Classic X-Men. Emma finds out that mutants have been locked out of the gates to keep them from escaping and to keep them divided at the cost of her nose, but for some mysterious reason Kate suddenly can pass through them and winds up in Jerusalem. Note the emphasis on surviving characters being scattered and divided - so that they can reunite in Rise of X.

The Genocide that Didn't Happen

And here we arrive at the denoument: having held his shot for some reason, Xavier tells Rogue to smash Moira and flee the Gala, only for him to find out that he has been made the unwitting and unwilling agent of mutant genocide - fulfilling Magneto's prophecy, Xavier's completely understandable attempt to save millions of hostages seemingly led to the deaths of all 250,000 mutants on Krakoa. We end with a complete existential destruction of Charles Xavier, as he is left alone and bereft on Krakoa's Pacific island.

(Interesting that ORCHIS' plan seems to have left the home island at home, so that Krakoa itself is still alive and where we left it.) I say seemingly, because Xavier only thinks that the Krakoan people are dead. As we have seen, Mother Righteous has her own agenda and altered the gates - we know that some mutants who went through the gates ended up in Vanaheim, and others ended up on the Atlantic island in Righteous' pocket dimension...including the Five. And as long as the Five live, so too does Krakoa. I again will bet dollars to donuts that we will see mutants who died at the Gala brought back to life by the Five at a dramatic moment to take their places in Fall of X and Rise of X (because comics never stopping cuts both ways).

So what we have is something that feels like a genocide in terms of its emotional impact on the reader and the psychological impact on Charles Xavier, and that certainly hearkens back to Hickman's recontextualizing of mutant genesis with the dramatic focus on Xavier and the helmet (he's even kneeling in water again), and the population of Krakoa falling to one...but that isn't actually a genocide. The overall purpose is clear: just as one is supposed to put one's toys back in the box for the next writing team, it's also important not to play so rough with your toys that you end up breaking them.

At the same time, I have to admit I feel kind of a way about playing the symbolism of genocide in a comic fakeout sort of way. I know that it's going to result in a triumphant moment and it follows on from HOXPOX using resurrection to promote the idea of reversing genocide as a liberatory act of science-fiction, but I think it's fair to say that it left me a little raw and I feel like the X-room is going to have to do some aftercare to soothe their audience.

#xmen #xmen meta #fall of x #fall of x spoilers #spoilers #krakoa #mutant metaphor

[cheesybadgers]

(GO TO PART 1 AND PART 3)

PART 2

60. In chapter 23, it’s finally revealed that Javier now works for a charity on the Texas-Mexico border. This idea has been in my head for over a year, as can be seen from the below notes I made to myself in February/March 2023:

Strangely, I then read Infinite Country by Patricia Engel (referred to above at point 50) in early May 2023, which contains the following passage:

So, that made me even more determined to go down this path with Javier ❤️

I won’t list all of the different charities/not-for-profits/NGOs I researched, but there are some mentioned here plus Border Angels and Al Otro Lado. Not all of them are Texas-based, but they do operate somewhere along or near the US-Mexican border, so I used a mix of them as inspiration.

61. Horacio’s route to getting a visa and green card in chapter 23 was largely based on the real-world EB5 visa. Although, I may have taken slight liberties for the purposes of the story (it was hard to see any other real life route for Horacio to actually be granted a long term visa/green card to be honest…which is apt for other themes of this chapter), so it’s not 100% accurate to real life lol.

62. There are several references in chapter 23 to America’s sodomy laws that were still in place in some states, including Texas, by 1997 (when chapter 23 is set), but it wasn’t until the landmark Supreme Court case of Lawrence vs Texas in 2003 that it was ruled sodomy laws in Texas and various other states were unconstitutional.

For further reading on the queer rights movement (and the violence and harassment queer Texans faced) that paved the way for Lawrence vs Texas, I highly recommend Before Lawrence v. Texas: The Making of a Queer Social Movement by Wesley G Phelps

63. If you wondered what a lariat was in chapter 23, it’s the rope cowboys use to lasso (‘lasso’ is actually the verb, whereas the rope itself is called a ‘lariat’, which comes from the Spanish word la reata, meaning to catch or fasten).

There’s also a reference to a quirt, which is a short leather whip used by cowboys to encourage their horse to go faster.

64. As for the sex scene in chapter 23…eagle-eyed readers may have spotted the foreshadowing for this in chapter 20 😉 A long while before I even wrote chapter 20, I’d had Horacio wearing a harness in my head (these are things that live in my brain rent free, apparently lol), largely influenced by this Tumblr post and the gay leather movement. Speaking of which…the references to Drummer relate to a real gay leather magazine that exists in the US.

I made up the part about the harness instructions and a cowboy/rodeo special, however, there is a website with scans of old issues…and lo and behold, there was a cowboy special (WARNING FOR HIGHLY NSFT/W CONTENT).

There’s also a fascinating interview here with ‘Cowboy Frank’ who created the above archive of gay magazines as a tribute to his late husband.

65. Keeping on the theme of gay cowboys…gay rodeo is a real thing in Texas. You can read more about it here, here, here, here and there are some photographs here too.

I also have Slapping Leather: Queer Cowfolx at the Gay Rodeo by Elyssa Ford and Rebecca Scofield and Rodeo as Refuge, Rodeo as Rebellion: Gender, Race, and Identity in the American Rodeo by Elyssa Ford to read at some point (unfortunately, I didn’t get chance to read them before posting chapter 23), which look really interesting.

I couldn’t in a million years see Horacio (or Javier for that matter) taking part lol, but I wanted to at least mention its existence in chapter 23.

66. I’ve mentioned Día de Muertos above already, but here’s more about what the different items on an ofrenda represent and also a breakdown of what happens on each day of the festival.

67. La Virgen de Guadalupe, La Llorona and La Malinche are all referenced in chapter 23.

I initially got the inspiration to include the Guadalupe prayer card from these promo images of Javier. But it wasn't until I started doing more research, I discovered her links to La Llorona and La Malinche. Their identities throughout Mexican history change depending on who is telling the story (which is why Chucho lists various different names) and La Virgen de Guadalupe in particular symbolises the shift Mexico underwent after the Spanish colonisers arrived (from the religion of the Aztecs to Catholicism).

This is a strong theme in Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza by Gloria Anzaldúa and this book was a big inspiration for the conversation between Javier and Chucho about their Mexican roots.

I also found an interesting article dissecting the trio as different archetypes of women (in fact, it quotes Gloria Anzaldúa as well).

Some other related pieces about La Virgen de Guadalupe and how she relates to Mexican/Chicano identity:

Tonantzin Tlalli Coatlicue & Our Lady of Guadalupe

Commentary: The representations of La Virgen de Guadalupe show her power over identity

Celebrating Guadalupe, Sacred Icon of the People

I may have gone a bit overboard with this part of my research lol, but it was so fascinating to me, I just kept falling down different rabbit holes. And I’ve always liked the idea of Javier being caught between two worlds – in the show, and in the OHDH universe. So, this all served chapter 23 well with Javier returning to Laredo and trying to connect the different parts of his identity.

68. Operation Gatekeeper and Operation Hold the Line are referenced in chapter 23. These were two anti-immigration initiatives in the early ‘90s which involved the militarisation of the US-Mexican border with an increase in Border Patrol staff, the introduction of checkpoints and the building of physical walls.

69. Javier references new immigration legislation in chapter 23. ‘IIRIRA’ is the Illegal Immigration Reform and Immigrant Responsibility Act 1996, which came into effect on 1st April 1997.

It was yet more harsh anti-immigration measures that widened the remit for people to be removed, deported and banned from the US. Here’s an article about the problems the legislation caused.

Ironically, whilst America was doing everything it could to keep people from crossing the border, the passing of NAFTA in 1994 actually made drug trafficking across the border easier and exacerbated cartel-related violence in Mexico.

Whilst on the subject of US immigration, there is also a reference to the ‘INS’ in chapter 23, which was the predecessor to ‘ICE’ (ICE was formed in 2003, so it would still have been INS in 1997).

70. Towards the end of chapter 23, when Javier and Horacio are snuggled under a mesquite tree and talk about a story they read in The New Yorker, it was, of course, Brokeback Mountain by Annie Proulx, which was first published in TNY as a short story on 6th October 1997.

I had to fit a reference to it in this fic somewhere lol. Although, for as much as that story influenced OHDH in places, I like to think Javier’s and Horacio’s ending is the antithesis to the ending of Brokeback Mountain ❤️

71. At the end of chapter 23, various artists are mentioned as appearing on their bookshelves. I’ve picked out either titles of significance or reasons for why they’re referenced:

Our Lady of the Assassins (La Virgen de los sicarios) by Fernando Vallejo (A gay Medellín-born author writing semi-autobiographically about a gay man living in Medellín during the worst years of violence…I don’t think I need to explain further why this is on the list lol)

Maurice by E.M. Forster and also the film adaptation (A gay romance with a relatively happy ending for a change)

City of Night by John Rechy (Follows a gay Texan man’s journey and sexual encounters across America)

Gloria E. Anzaldúa (See point 67 above)

Alejo Durán (Colombian Vallenato musician – and cowboy)

Long, Long Time by Linda Ronstadt (If you’ve seen The Last of Us, you’ll know why I chose this. If you haven’t seen it, please make a point of watching season 1, episode 3 as it’s one of the most beautiful queer love stories I’ve ever witnessed 😭)

Drag by K.D. Lang (A covers album by a lesbian musician of songs centred around smoking…again, I don’t think I need to explain any further lol)

Para Siempre by Vicente Fernández (A Mexican ranchera singer…just look at the lyrics for Para Siempre and sigh longingly)

Preface to Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman (Specifically for this quote, because I stumbled across it by accident and it fit so many themes of the fic:

“Past and present and future are not disjoined but joined. The greatest poet forms the consistence of what is to be from what has been and is. He drags the dead out of their coffins and stands them again on their feet….he says to the past, Rise and walk before me that I may realize you. He learns the lesson….he places himself where the future becomes present.”)

Pedro Almodóvar (A Spanish gay film director I’ve mentioned above somewhere before…and also coincidentally worked with Pedro Pascal in Strange Way of Life)

The Living End written and directed by Gregg Araki (Just a couple of gay HIV Positive guys on a road trip)

72. The end scene of them dancing together was largely inspired by two things:

This gorgeous, gorgeous piece of artwork (artist at the link).

And this scene in Fellow Travelers.

I had originally intended to end chapter 23 like the artwork, but after watching Fellow Travelers in December 2023, I had to write my own nod to possibly one of the most intimate scenes I’ve ever seen committed to camera. I swear it re-wired my brain chemistry.

And it’s funny, because I hadn’t actually read or even heard of Fellow Travelers by Thomas Mallon when starting OHDH, but there are so many delightful parallels (e.g. Tim and his cross necklace/religious guilt and the Dom/sub undertones, all of their dancing, the switching in power dynamics during sex as a way to show vulnerability…I just couldn’t help but imagine Horacio/Javier in all the Hawk/Tim sex scenes).

73. A few other books/articles I read for chapter 23 research that I haven’t mentioned already:

Farm Boys: Lives of Gay Men from the Rural Midwest by Will Fellows

The Distance Between Us by Reyna Grande

Retablos: Stories From a Life Lived Along the Border by Octavio Solis

Where We Come From by Oscar Cásares

Brownsville: Stories by Oscar Cásares

Beyond Smoke and Mirrors: Mexican Immigration in an Era of Economic Integration by Douglas S. Massey, Jorge Durand and Nolan J. Malone

In the Valley of Mirrors by Antonio Ruiz-Camacho

Out West, the Gay Cowboy Roams Free by Evan Moffitt (New York Times article transcribed on my Tumblr)

#Narcos #Javier Peña x Horacio Carrillo #Javier Peña #Horacio Carrillo #OHDH Trivia #OHDH #My Moodboards

[mermaidsirennikita]

We need the full lashings against the margarita show

Honestly, I don't have much new to say except that it's actually such a bummer to see a book I love this much be turned into not only a bad adaptation, but a bad show. If it made a lot of changes but was well-written and created, I'd get over it. One example of an adaptation of a book I enjoyed that was a bad adaptation but a good movie is A Simple Favor--it's really not all that much like the book and has a totally different ending, but tbh? The stylistic choices made it better. This can be done. Interview with the Vampire (the show) changed a lot of things about the source material--the time period, Louis and Claudia's race and origins, a lot about Daniel, the explicit sexuality and romance of Louis and Lestat's relationship--but it honestly, for the most part, elevated the story.

But this is like... legitimately a super weak show. I've actually never experienced this before lol. Most of the books I truly love love love don't get turned into shows or movies, and those that have I'm usually pretty happy with. This is new for me!

(Also, wasn't Nicky an Italian prince in the book? This is such a non-issue, but I feel like random Italian royalty~ is way more believable than random Irish royalty. For fuck's sake, a Borghese "prince" was on THE BACHELOR. Beverly d'Angelo was married to an Italian prince. They're not that hard to find. WHERE ARE THESE IRISH PRINCES??)

Special callouts for the latest batch include:

--the "I don't regret that dress", an objectively cool, punchy line that absolutely sums up Daisy's character--a woman who's lived hard and wild and is aware that she's messy and feels bad about some things but also objectively enjoys certain aspects of living hard and perhaps misses them--getting flipped into "I don't regret that day". LOL. WHAT WAS THE REASON. That's what I don't get about so many adaptational choices. There's no fucking reason. No reason at all. It really feels, sometimes, that they want Daisy to be more approachable and everygirl when the point of her appeal is that she isn't approachable and everygirl. You aren't supposed to identify with Daisy; you're supposed to admire her, want to be her, and then realize that there is a catch to being as cool as Daisy. You also have to commit to being as fucked as she is.

--Simone's queer disco queen subplot was legitimately one of the most interesting things the show has given (the song was one of the better ones too, even if the lyrics were... still rough....) but ultimately, she still exists to go save Daisy and that sucks. Honestly surprised the show didn't replace Simone going there with more DaisyBilly fanservice. There's a lot the show sort of skirted around about Simone wanting to be successful as easily as Daisy, a privileged white woman, could be; how much she wanted to be open with her own truly committed lesbian relationship the way Daisy could be about her fly by night straight marriage. But rather than delving deep, we have Daisy literally going "IT'S LIKE YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH ME OR SOMETHING" a la Regina George.

And if Daisy had been sympathetic versus obnoxious up until this moment, if we'd had real investment in that friendship, I think it could've read as a slap in the face. Like "oh wow, this woman who seems cool and chill and impossibly chic is actually a fucking messy drug addict who, like many addicts, says ridiculously gross, fucked up shit in a moment, she is cool and she is chic and she is talented but she has a serious ugly side", which is something I think... Let's give an example. A Star Is Born (2019)! Did well. Yeah, you could make jokes about Jackson Maine pissing his pants, but to ME, the moment that rang as "oh this is ugly, even though he's been so lovely otherwise" is when he, while shitfaced and jealous, calls his wife, who he knows is insecure about her looks, ugly to her face. While she's naked in front of him. That scene, after you watch how loving and tender he is, even while fucked up, reads as a harsh slap. It's very realistic, if you've been around people who are otherwise loving and amazing, who struggle with addiction. They do that shit. It hurts. It doesn't necessarily invalidate who they are when they're in better places; which makes it hurt more.

Daisy has been so fucking obnoxious when she's... Sober? High but reading sober because the show hasn't gone in on how much of an addict Daisy is and their version of "functional heavy drug user" is "basically sober, maybe a little stoned"? That this moment just read as more of Daisy being obnoxious. Plus, a lot of this agency is taken from Daisy's hands, and we're told that Nicky is manipulating her. The thing is that Nicky was a total symptom in the book--he was a symptom of Daisy's addiction issues, her mental health problems, and her damage with Billy. He was not a cause. He may not have encouraged her to get better, he may have sped up some escalation, but honestly? Daisy was already a pretty fucking messy person before marrying him. Daisy was already showing up high and drinking throughout the day. She handled it worse on the tour, but a lot of that was touring and having to be around Billy while being in love with him and rejected by him. The show, imo, has done such a poor job of portraying the extent of Daisy's issues that it feels like they suddenly RAMP UP in these episodes, when in fact Daisy had always been an addict with PROBLEMS PROBLEMS, which is! A huge reason! Why Billy can't be with her. The show boils a lot of that down to Camila v. Daisy, and while Billy's love for Camila (and his kids) was a major roadblock... It's possible that if Billy and Daisy had met while he was married to Camila but without the addiction issue in hand? Maybe things would've been different. I don't know. Maybe. But Billy also literally wanted to be alive and a present father, and he could've done that had he and Camila broken up, but he couldn't have done that had he relapsed.

--I found the "Daisy in the shower with Billy" scene so funny. It was just so... corny. Like, this literally reads as bad fanfic. Camila is shuttled off to the side, barely present and mostly dealing with a guy who she isn't into. Billy is holding Daisy and going "LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! NOAH THIS ISN'T YOU". It's so unbelievably corny. Billy in the book would've been wrecked about Daisy almost dying and then sublimated that by keeping his distance and then showing up to be like ".... so was it worth it? Almost dying for a bump" and then they would've either been completely cold or had some massive blowup about a song.

Similarly, the way Billy and Daisy fight on this show is so contrived lmao. A lot of the way they fought in the book was similar to how they expressed their love; the love was conveyed in lyrics and performance. The anger was conveyed into conflict about the music, which the show sorta does but it also has them getting up in each other's face to scream about Nicky, and it seems like they are BEGGING you to believe in the chemistry and I.... don't.

--The downplaying of Camila is very sad, and I find it endlessly hilarious that the show is all "pat us on the back, we champion diversity by having Simone go from The Black Best Friend to The Black Best Friend with a Minor Subplot, also Billy's Latina wife is going to be more complacent and mostly just sad about his cheating and probably die sooner also".

Again I say, as Warren and Camila speak Spanish to each other and Eddie gives us his best Nice Guy... If we were going to give Camila full affair.............. why not have it be Warren......

--Karen just announcing her relationship with Graham, which was a full secret in the book even decades later, in order to prop up Graham's ego.................. truly wild. Lol so much of Karen on the show is about male ego, it's ridiculous.

#daisy jones and the six

[unlikely-alliance]

finished s1 of smallville today, took some miscellaneous notes / reactions throughout the season & posting below the cut mostly for me but also it’s possible someone may get a good laugh

101

how tf old are these people??? clark is a hs freshman? lana was 3 when the meteor struck and lex was 9?

clark and lana are so stelena coded

clark and lex… 👀

this soundtrack SLAPS… everything by life house????? I’m alive

102

I didn’t know lex/lana were gonna have scenes so early 😭 I love them I fear

the soundtrack continues to slap

not the bug boy having a papa roach poster in his room—

103

lex telling lana his coffee is perfect when it’s not even remotely close to what he ordered 🥹

104

lizzy caplan????

it’s giving katherine impersonating elena

105

just read that people thought chloe was gonna eventually be lois lane (pen name) and this looks like a chloe/clark episode… inch resting

lex walking right up to martha while she’s using a chainsaw askdjsjhkska DUMBASS

lex to lana: I think you’re with the wrong guy (I know he means clark but STILL 😏)

106

ERIC CHRISTIAN OLSEN??!!!?!!)!()(??????!!!?

does… does jonathan kent die at some point?

clark telling lex to drive slower because he could get hurt 🥺

“I think that’s your destiny clark, to help people, to save them from fear and darkness”

drowning in the corn tank… very a quiet place of them

107

AMY ADAMS??!!???!!?! what is going AWN

I have to admit I do see the appeal of clark/chloe and if I was watching this in 2001 I def would have shipped them

I can’t believe clark, lana, chloe and crew are genuinely supposed to be 14/15 right now and lex is like 20 asgjgkkf

clark making a drive in movie for lana at the kent farm for her bday— I’m not crying you are !!!

108

the candyman????? who was casting this show

awfully convenient that the next time clark had to save lex he was being affected by kryptonite… lucky this time

109

wow they’re really making chloe/clark/lana a triangle huh

110

clark interrogating lex about his new girlfriend saying ‘she doesn’t seem like your type’ and lex smirking at him for 5 seconds straight… what are they doinggggggg

I can’t even be mad at amy because I too would have an obsessive crush on lex if my mom was his housekeeper

111

clark liking chloe’s kiss… now they’re just taunting the chlark shippers

112

hellooooo shawn ashmore 😏

oh shit he absorbed clark’s powers

113

chloe interviewing lex & giving him shit… it’s giving 50 shades of gray I’m sorry

oh the clark/chloe angst… ‘I should’ve gotten to her’ while watching her in the hospital… it’s so good 😩🤌

whitney has powers now… inch resting

lex to clark: a man is measured by the quality of his friends

lana making lex proud with her business proposal 🥰🥰🥰

lex telling lana “this will be the beginning of an interesting partnership” in the same building where her parents met… that’s endgame ish right there

114

more clark/chloe angst with chloe prying into clark’s past and him telling her he’s not some mystery for her to solve… I’m sorry but they’re serving

lex working overtime to do damage control (mostly with the kents) every episode is so funny, give that boy a break

115

honest to god some of the special effects on this show are better than ones nowadays

jonathan belching directly into lex’s face… absolutely the highlight of the season

pete and chloe were carryingggg the walk n talk scenes on this show… west wing who??

this episode is fun (except for the creepy sexualization of 15 year old lana part, very riverdale of them)

this lex/lana scene ooooh they have the SPICE and lex seeing right through her act 🥺🥺

116

ryan outing chloe’s crush on clark we love to see it

117

this is a good episode idk what imdb is talking about rating it in the low 7s… the jonathan/clark (+lex/whitney) father/son drama is so good

118

clark kent 4 president <3

no but I love this girl who’s running against him

I’m sorry but clark/chloe have soooo much chemistry I’m so mad asdhhdd

how many people in this show are gonna be straight up murdered???? jesus

not clark telling chloe that she’s been the only constant in his life 🥺🥺

lex being proud of lana scheming 🥰

lana: I enjoyed being underhanded clark: lana lang being seduced by the dark side? <— foreshadowing? 👀

119

helloooo adam brody 🥰

air force recruiter to clark: I see you in a uniform flying 💀

chloe using adam brody to make clark jealous… she’s living my dream

CLARK ADMITTING HE WAS JEALOUS 🆘🆘🆘🆘

THE PRINCIPAL HIT ADAM BRODY???????

not this lex/pamela family drama making me cry—

the oc showrunners probably saw adam brody with chloe and said ‘get a blonde with short spiky hair for him STAT’ and brought anna in

clark grabbing chloe’s hand !!!!!!!!!! I’M GONNA SPIRAL

120

damn they really loved making chloe a damsel in distress huh

chloe was clark’s first kiss 😭😭😭

ok so someone was def trying to lure clark out huh

I liked lex’s line about the stars’ light reaching them now even though they died a thousand years ago / the past always having an effect on the present

the way clark says “hey 😐 … HEY 🥰😊” every time he sees chloe

not this john mayer song during this clark/chloe scene——— they were made for me I fear

121

clark’s truck blowing up ahdhshshsh my jaw DROPPED

I’ll say it… clark and chloe are steroline coded

why is this lana/whitney goodbye scene making me tear up 🫣

REMY ZERO PERFORMING AT THE DANCE !!!! and he looks just like lex lmfao

oh the drama!!! they simply don’t do season finales like this anymore

lex not saving his father… that shit was scury

+ misc tweets of mine throughout the season:

I hope the music supervisor of smallville s1 has a cold pillow every night and they have everything they ever wanted in life

really struggling with the fact that I ship lex/lana so much already and it’s only s1 and he’s supposed to be 20 while she’s 15???? this is horrible. like how have smallville fans coped with this over the years? I can suspend disbelief to a certain point but damn. this show is the worst case of casting 20+ year olds to play high schoolers I’ve ever seen no doubt

smallville 1x07 just ended with hero by enrique iglesias and then 1x08 opened with pacific coast party by smash mouth… yeah this show officially has the best soundtrack of all time

I’m only on ep 3 of smallville but clark/lana/lex is feeling very much like stefan/elena/damon

no one told me the smallville soundtrack was gonna slap this hard

#natalie watches smallville #I’m having so much fun #but also they absolutely do not seem like high school freshman and I just cannot get over it #smallville

[feuqueerfire]

Yin and War Interviews and Videos

Like some other pairing's Interview Content Indexes I made, here's some for YinWar because I feel like maybe I'll watch a bunch of their content

Watched

[Aug 13] DAN - น้อยแต่มาก (Daybed) [Official MV] - saw a tiktok with clips from this, cute

[Aug 14] ANAN WONG: หยิ่นหยาง EP.2 | แผนแกล้งมาเรียน แต่เนียนตลบหลังคุณ “วนรัตน์” - ep 2 of Yin's channel and ummmm it's about drawing but apparently War sells NFTs and talks about them here and shit, so no thanks, didn't finish watching

ANAN WONG: หยิ่นหยาง EP.4 | โชคชะตาเป็นใจ ดลอะไรให้มาเจอกัน!!? - they go wakeboarding and it's cute; there's a little schtick that they met each other there just by chance lol

[Fave] ANAN WONG: หยิ่นหยาง EP.9 | ปิกนิกเปิดใจ! ใครเสียน้ำตา!? - this was really interesting! It's a New Year's episode, they talk about the past year 2021 and War even cried. They talked about how they felt when they couldn't go to work, the uncertainty of whether Love Mechanics will even happen, and War considering leaving the industry (?). It's interesting to hear, especially from actors who aren't part of GMMTV and don't have the backing or resources of a big company or the near certainty that they'll get jobs even if it's side roles. Yin/War aren't very fanservicey in these videos but it was interesting here how often they mentioned the word 'work'

ANAN WONG: หยิ่นหยาง EP.10 | แก๊งภัยสังคมรวมตัว! วันของหยิ่นมันต้องยิ่งใหญ่!! - Yin graduation! Cute to see his uni friends who aren't actors or anything, also cute to see him interact with the fans (they were very orderly in the video)

Love Mechanics OST | หวานเกินไป (Too Sweet) - Bonnadol (youtu.be) - Freaking cute I don't wanna let Vee/Mark go T.T also funny with Mark stuffing the cotton candy in his face + slapping Vee in revenge lol

หยิ่นหยาง EP.13 | สามทหารเสือเที่ยวทะเลกระบี่ ใครไม่ปวดหัว [...] - Yin + some other people (P'Aun, Go, War, Prom) go on vacation. I wish I was at a beach

[Fave] หยิ่นหยาง EP.20 | "พลอยวี" ย้อนวัยให้ดู สมัยจีบกันเค้าทำอย่างงี้!! - Yin and Perth video where they play as Vee and Ploy and show us the sweetness of their 3 years! I was grinning throughout the whole video fr. @ 7:40 Vee says "Let's go kha" and Ploy says "Let's go khap" and it's soo good to me. Also, they discuss Vee and Ploy's relationship, how they feel about each other, the cheating aspect, and I really like these opinions from the actors and how they understand the characters.

[Aug 15] "กลรักรุ่นพี่" กลับมาทั้งที จะไม่ React ได้ไง | กลรักรีแอค EP.1 ft Yin + War - I didn't know Yin thought it was hard to ride the motorcycle and that he fell many times

พลอย-วี มารีแอคชั่น "กลรักรุ่นพี่" | กลรักรีแอค EP.4 ft Perth + Yin - goddamn this was a sad ass episode

[Aug 16] WAR WANARAT: วอร์คราฟ Level.2 🎮 | แรงดึงดูดน่ารู้ แต่ยูอะน่ารัก! - @ 4:30 Yin says "Kha rak aaeng(?)" to mean I love you as a pun, so I don't think he uses Kha as I pronoun but can't tell if he uses Aaeng as the you pronoun for War or not. @ 5:00 War uses Khun for the you pronoun to Yin but is that the one he uses always? Research continues on to discover which You pronouns they use for each other. I'm pretty sure they generally use Pom for I pronouns. Wait ?? @ 9:10 Yin says "You are sad" as a pun and uses the pronon Meung and I can't tell if it's part of the pun or not like does hea sometimes casually call War who is older than him meung??? Anyway, I think in general they both use Pom/Khun and idk whether that's normal or interesting among other BL ships with the same age composition or with nonceleb Thai people of the same age dynamics. Also, Yin looked good in this

WAR WANARAT: วอร์คราฟ Level.14 🎮 | เปิดโลกอัพสกิลสารพัดอาหารป่า กินเลือดงูเห่า!! - War and Prom go to a restaurant to eat exotic meats like snake, ostrich, etc. Also, they talk a bit about Nuea and Mark, together and as separate characters (this is where War depends Mark waiting)

[Aug 16]  WxY Ep.1 | ระหว่างขนมหวานกับหยิ่นวอร์ อะไรจะหวานกว่ากัน?? - Bro I’m dead, this is the most fanservice I’ve seen them do and it feels like such a stark contrast to how casual and friendly they are in their own Youtube videos from late 2021-2022 lol I see them say completely outta pocket shit on tiktok clips and was like wow where even are they like that since they’re not like that in their own youtube videos but now i see. Although the fanservice was still like... jokey and funny, so not going the “we’re real” route at least.” Also, Yin used P’War once and also called him Nong once for teasing and that’s my pronouns research for this episode

Love Mechanics novel: idk when but probably around this date, I downloaded Meb and the sample 25%. I only skimmed it and was honestly mostly just curious about how the first sex scene was in the novel. Also, first person just isn’t for me anymore I think, especially about romance.

[Aug 17] [FAVE] WxY Ep.3 | หยิ่นวอร์ออกเดทเติมความหวาน - bro this is like crackfic except it’s like crackfanservice. Them also losing it multiple times in the middle of the fanservice is hilarious too. it’s the one where Yin draws stick figure War with 3 legs, they have Nong Walter, the snake and ladders game.

WxY Ep.6 | หยิ่นวอร์ เผ็ดนี้แพ้ไม่ได้ โจ๊ะ โจ๊ะ - eating spicy food and crying. I wanna eat street fuchka and cry but be unable to stop eating cuz it’s so good

Laneige Weekend with YinWar EP.01 | ขี่ช้างจับรัก พักใจกับหยิ่นวอร์ - With elephants.

Laneige Weekend with YinWar EP.02 | ร้อนขนาดนี้ เอาอะไรมาหวาน!? - that ice cream land

[Aug 18]  Laneige Weekend with YinWar EP.03

[Aug 19]  Laneige Weekend with YinWar EP.04 

Love Mechanics Director's Cut - Watched the ending of ep 2 and start of ep 3, both of which I’d actually watched already from tiktoks lol 

[Aug 22] [Fave] Laneige Weekend with YinWar EP.06 | น่านโยกโยก ไปน้ำตก แต่โดนตกไม่รู้ตัว - Where they go to the waterfall. Been wanting to watch it since the “P’War’s gone :< Ai’War!!” tiktok. 

[Aug 23] ENOFLOVE CHANNEL กลรักรีแอค EP.10 Love Mechanics Reaction Ep 10 with Yin/War. How do they manage to watch the after-credits scene with other people? I get embarrassed just watching them watch it. Anyway, episode 10 has like a compilation of their cute scenes with a song bg at the very end after the after-credits and it reminded me just how cute Vee/Mark are. Also I can’t remember but somewhere around after halfway, after seeing idk Mark be worried about or be annoyed with Vee, Go asked in a fanservice-y way to Yin like “Do you scold War when he comes home late, Yin?” and Yin just furrowed his eyebrows in confusion and didn’t answer. Very interesting how Yin/War switch between a lot of fanservice, jokey fanservice, and no romantic fanservice depending on the situation/the people asking them for the fanservice.

[Aug 24] Laneige Weekend with YinWar EP.07

[Aug 26]  Laneige Weekend with YinWar EP.08 Shoot an MV + eat unique ice cream + a Q & A quiz. Cute tiktok from it 

[Aug 27] [FAVE] 20210505 Shopee Live: YinWar CUT | LM workshop + P'Vee vs. N'Mark: Found because of this Reddit post where Yin discusses his acting and how feels about Vee. I love getting to hear more about characters from the actors and both War (like in War’s youtube channel Level 14 w Prom) and Yin seem to have deep understanding of them. I agree with him that Mark isn’t so innocent and kind either and Vee certainly has issues that make him the way he is. Still, I’m not Team Vee, I’m just Team MarkVee Being Cute and Endearing

[Aug 28] Laneige Weekend with YinWar EP.09: Just the part where they put on makeup on P’Go and talked with him

[Aug 29] Laneige Weekend with YinWar EP.10: didn’t finish watching bc it seemed boring, rip since it’s their last of the season. Won’t watch the specials with OhmNanon because I saw someone say it was awkward and I can’t deal with that

[Aug 30]  “เอิร์ท-มิกซ์” VS “หยิ่น-วอร์” พิชิตภารกิจลับ! | E.M.S EARTH - MIX SPACE EP.17: Funny to have Earth calling Mix nu and ter while Yin/War are using khun pronouns with each other lol Especially because the two ships use khun with each other (like Earth uses khun when referring to Yin or War), so the formality in terms of you pronouns between Yin and War is the same as Earth and War lol I’m seriously just so fascinated by Yin/War using khun. Anyway, this was cute and fun ^.^

[Sep 1]  พื้นที่หาทำ EP.5 Supalai: Cute recent video that only had Thai subs, so I had to use the extension that transforms one cc to another language cc. The tiktoks from this are cute tiktok 1 tiktok 2

[FAVE] PARTNER IN CRIME - YINWAR: dude a heist bl trailer directed by P’Jojo just for a concert? give me more

To Watch

Love Mechanics Behind The Scenes

En of Love: Love Mechanics

ไม่ใช่ไม่รู้สึก - Tom Isara [Official MV]

หยิ่นหยาง EP.22 - YinWar on Yin’s Channel

They talk about pronouns here https://youtu.be/IF9Vn00qsrQ?t=149

#yinwar #tracking

[seacharms]

THROUGH A RAPIST’S EYES” (PLS TAKE TIME TO READ THIS. It may save a life, It may save your life.)

An Article from Neena Susan Thomas

“Through a rapist’s eyes. A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interview…ed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun! , braid, or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who’s clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.

5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.

6] Number three is public restrooms.

7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don’t have to worry about getting caught.

8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas,or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re not worth it.

POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER:

1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: can’t believe it is so cold out here, we’re in for a bad winter. Now that you’ve seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.

2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

4] If someone grabs you, you can’t beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh – HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.

5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy’s parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he’s out of there.

6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL ….

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.

2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans : if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you…. chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping,eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON’T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side,put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS , LEAVE.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:

a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be hiding at the passenger side , peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. ( DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB) .

b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

c. Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked “for help” into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it’s better safe than sorry.

If u have compassion reblog this post.

‘Helping hands are better than Praying Lips’ – give us your helping hand.

REBLOG THIS AND LET EVERY GIRL KNOW

AT LEAST PEOPLE WILL KNOW WHATS GOING ON IN THIS WORLD.

So please reblog this….Your one reblog can Help to spread this information.

THIS COULD ACTUALLY SAVE A LIFE.”

#rape #abduction #warning #women safety #self defense

[acourtofthought]

Someone: "will we have Elain's POV in the next book?"

Sjm: "well, she'll still exist like she did before"

El/riel: "oH mY bLeEb- eLriEl cOnFiRmEd"

I honestly hated her answer because the question wasn't really answered. She said "she'll be there in some form" like yeah, we know she'll be there in the upcoming books but as what? Side character? Main character?. "Some form" can mean literally anything, but to me it sounded like we'll see her but not as an important character.

I'm not really mad at sjm tho, because she hasn't started writing the book and she can't say anything about the next couple, what gets me is that a large part of the fandom took a meaningless answer as ship confirmed.

Is the fandom so starved that they really take any random words out of context and make it into a big thing? Like the bread and roses line, the color that Elain wore only once in acomaf (as if Mor doesn't wear red, the color of Cassian siphons, everyday) etc.

Or whenever Sarah posts something and they pick out random sh*t that they see in the pic and comment "Oh I see what you did there 😉🦇🌸"- what did she do there? Putting flowers next to a book as decoration?

Everyone forgets that Sjm doesn't think about ships 24/7. She legit doesn't care about gwynriel, elriel, elucien etc. And it shows. If she did care that much like so many do, she would've already finished writing acotar 5. Sarah, unlike so many people here, has a life to live. She has kids to take care of, a husband, family and friends, A TV Show, CC3, her Hobbys and interests etc. She got barely time to think about ships now. But if she did thought about ships all the time it would be Feysand or Nessian, Bryathalar, Rowaelin etc. None of the ships the fandom are fighting over are stronger compared to Feysand. She'll always love them over Gwynriel, El/riel and Elucien.

Like.. Just because you think about these ships 24/7 doesn't mean Sarah does as well. She seemed rather dissapointed at the questions she got asked and I know it annoys her that the majority is only asking about ships. I'd be very annoyed too.

Many people were complaining about how they got nothing from that Interview but we literally did? We got so much about Nesta and her journey. The Interview wasn't suppose to be about acotar 5 anyway, are they stupid?

If they didn't think about ships for just one day and asked normal questions, we would've gotten more. Haven't they figured out yet that she can't say anything about acotar 5 and the next couple?! Like you cannot keep asking question that she can't even answer and complain about why she gave you nothing.

Yeah that non answer was no answer at all, I don't really care how people spin it. Especially because 50% could say it means one thing while the other half says it means the exact opposite. When something is that ambiguous, it's foolish to think it's a guarantee of anything.

If SJM is contractually obligated not to share information before Bloomsbury allows it then I don't think she's going to risk breaking contract by sneaking information into interviews that's confirmation of something.

If anything, it seems more likely that she'd say the exact opposite of the truth just to throw everyone off. And it's not just the words she's saying but the way she avoids the question at first, shifts her eyes around and laughs while she's answering. All of that adds up to not being able to take anything said very seriously.

I am disappointed we got no new information. I wish she were at the point with the series where she was permitted to discuss it but if it's a contract thing than I understand. I think what upset me the most though, is getting charged $15 for an interview that was pretty much the same information she's given in past interviews. That felt like a tiny slap in the face because charging fans two years after the initial release of a book and recycling past conversations people can now watch for free was a bitter pill to swallow.

[vivien-vb]

Through a rapists eyes

THROUGH A RAPIST’S EYES” (PLS TAKE TIME TO READ THIS. It may save a life, It may save your life.)

An Article from Neena Susan Thomas

“Through a rapist’s eyes. A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interview…ed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun! , braid, or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who’s clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.

5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.

6] Number three is public restrooms.

7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don’t have to worry about getting caught.

8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas,or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re not worth it.

POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER:

1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: can’t believe it is so cold out here, we’re in for a bad winter. Now that you’ve seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.

2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

4] If someone grabs you, you can’t beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh – HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.

5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy’s parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he’s out of there.

6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL ….

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.

2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans : if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you…. chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping,eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON’T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side,put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS , LEAVE.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:

a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be hiding at the passenger side , peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. ( DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB) .

b. If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

c. Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked “for help” into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it’s better safe than sorry.

If u have compassion reblog this post. ‘Helping hands are better than Praying Lips’ – give us your helping hand.

REBLOG THIS AND LET EVERY GIRL KNOW AT LEAST PEOPLE WILL KNOW WHATS GOING ON IN THIS WORLD. So please reblog this….Your one reblog can Help to spread this information.

THIS COULD ACTUALLY SAVE A LIFE.”

#safety

[criminalmindzjunkie]

Hungry Eyes

masterlist

Summary: Spencer is tired of hiding your relationship. 

A/N: The idea for this fic came from a lovely anon that requested a fic based on She’s So Nice by Pink Guy. I also drew inspo from Hungry Eyes by Eric Carmen (strange mix, but stay with me here.) So basically, a lot of Dom!Spencer goodness. I’d like to say a huge thank you for almost 1k followers, because wow. I never imagined 5 people would actually want to read my writing. I love you all, and I hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future works!

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader

Warnings: swearing, jealousy, degradation, spitting, slapping, oral sex (male and female receiving), spanking, vaginal penetration, unprotected sex

Word Count: 5.5k

           “That is one fine piece of ass. Don’t think I could get any work done with a sweet little thing like that prancing around my precinct,” mutters yet another sleezeball detective, beady eyes trained on you like a lion might study their prospective prey. It’s moments like these that Spencer has to remind himself that patience is a virtue – that he must bite his tongue because he’s at work and that means he has to act professional. Even if those around him don’t seem capable of affording him the same luxury.

           So, it’s with a clenched jaw and all the self-restraint that he can muster that Spencer forces himself to focus on the task at hand. Because Spencer is a professional, and there are more pressing matters that demand his undivided attention. The detective could be dealt with later – in the form of a complaint to the higher ups. But for now, patience.

           Usually, this wouldn’t be a problem. Years on the job had taught Spencer to remain level headed no matter the circumstance. Usually, Spencer could tune out the locker room talk in favor of immersing himself into the case. But when it came to you, or rather, people who dared to look upon you with eyes laden with lustful intentions, Spencer had a rather short fuse.

           It happens often, and he supposes that he shouldn’t be surprised. You’d certainly turned his head the first time he was fortunate enough to lay eyes on you. He’d nearly broken his neck trying to steal another glimpse of you as you walked past him on your way to Emily’s office on your first day. No one would ever describe Spencer Reid as forward, but on that day, he was the most brazen he’d ever been.

           Throwing caution to the wind, Spencer made a split-second decision stop you and introduce himself.

           It was the best decision he would ever make.

           So, yes – he understood why the head of everyone you passed turned your way, eager to bask in your unparalleled beauty. But that didn’t mean that he had to like it. In fact, every time Spencer caught some imprudent bastard leering at you, he had to remind himself that enacting physical force on another person with no real reason could cost him his job. That, and he was above resorting to violence – or at least he was, until you came around.  

           Part of his anger was rooted in the obvious lack of respect. It didn’t matter if Spencer held your hand in his as the two of you walked down the street, or if he kissed you on the lips in the middle of a crowded restaurant. All the PDA in the world did nothing to assuage the lingering stares, and Spencer felt his sanity chip away with every passing day.

           In the beginning, keeping his relationship with you a secret from your colleagues seemed like a good enough idea. Both of you were in agreement that you didn’t want to your personal relationship to affect your professional one, so when the elevator doors opened up and the two of you stepped out into the bullpen, you both were on your best behavior. And it was okay at first – Spencer was able to put his romantic feelings aside and focus on his work, all while still being able to make eyes at you from across the room. It was the perfect arrangement.

           Until it wasn’t.

           Because it wasn’t enough that you were gorgeous – you were also the most selfless person that Spencer had ever met. Always eager to lend a hand to anyone in need – always seeing the best in everyone, regardless of if they deserve it or not. It was an admirable quality to have, and he loved you for it, but on days like today he wishes you were a little more perceptive.

           That, and he wishes you’d chosen to wear anything but the tight little skirt and low-cut top that you were currently sporting. Not that he didn’t love the way the fabric clung to your figure like it was tailor-made for you – because he did - it was just that every other male in the precinct seemed to enjoy it as much as he did. And that made Spencer’s blood boil.

           The tipping point comes when, just as Spencer is trying to hunt you down and propose a quick lunch break, he finds you engaging in conversation with the very same detective that had been spouting lewd comments about you all morning. You’re seated at the breakroom table, clutching a fresh cup of coffee in hand as you look up at the man, a polite smile upturning your lips as you listen to him drone on about how his amateur baseball team had won some stupid fucking tournament the previous weekend. He’s smiling down at you, endlessly smug and way too pleased with himself at having captured your attention.

           It makes Spencer sick.

           His reprieve comes when your eyes flit to the doorway and you flash him a breathtaking smile. It makes him warm from the inside out, and Spencer wants nothing more than to plant kiss after kiss on your lips. Unfortunately, he can’t, so he settles on returning your smile.

           “There you are,” Spencer greets as he crosses the room before coming to a stop next to you. “I was thinking we could go grab lunch.”

           “Is it really lunch time already?” you murmur as you glance down at your watch. “I guess I let the day get away from me. Detective Yarborough was just telling me about the baseball game his team won this weekend.”

           “Oh, was he now,” Spencer feigns interest as he turns to face the man.

           “Yup,” you say, completely oblivious to the uncomfortable tension. “Didn’t you tell me you played in a baseball game once?”

           This piques the interest of Yarborough and he raises an eyebrow at Spencer.

           “You play?” he asks, tone laden with disbelief.

           “Not exactly.”

           The detective merely harrumphs in response, and an uncomfortable silence falls on the room.

           Your eyes dart between the two men and your brows furrow adorably as you try to make sense of the almost palpable animosity.

           “Okay… So, lunch. Did you have anything in mind, Spence?”

           “There’s a really good pizza joint two blocks from here,” Yarborough chimes in. “I could show you, if you like.”

           He acts as if the offer extends to you both, but the way he looks only at you when he says it tells Spencer otherwise.

           “The hospitality is appreciated, but that won’t be necessary,” Spencer breezes, clipped and to the point. He’s able to see in his peripheral vision the way your eyebrows raise in shock, but he’s too busy glaring at the detective to care.

           “Uh, yeah. Thanks anyways, Detective,” you mutter confusedly as you stand.

           “Anything for a pretty lady such as yourself,” he replies. “And you can call me Trevor.”

           Spencer’s hands are clenched into fists and he has to actually bite down on his tongue to keep from doing something he’d surely regret later. You bid Trevor ado with a smile and a parting wave, and then Spencer’s ushering you out of the room and down the hall, hand placed firmly on your back. He can’t do much in regards to initiating physical contact, but he allows himself this miniscule act of PDA. The feeling of your warmth radiating through your blouse is the only thing keeping him from giving into his primal instincts. Instincts that are screaming at him to put that smarmy bastard in his place.

--

           The hours after lunch pass by rather uneventfully. You accompany Tara when she goes to interview the victim’s family, and for the first-time all-day Spencer is able to repress his frustration long enough to focus on piecing together a geographical profile. By the time you and Tara return, the sun has long since disappeared from the sky and fatigue is rolling off everyone in waves. When Emily finally announces the end of the day, she’s met with absolutely no resistance.

           Spencer immediately scans the room for you, only to frown when he sees that you’re nowhere in sight. In fact, he hasn’t set eyes on you in well over an hour, too busy wrapping up the days’ work to notice your absence until now.

           “Has anyone seen Y/N?” Spencer calls out. His question is met by several shaking heads.

           “I think she’s busy,” JJ sing-songs, eyebrows waggling suggestively. Spencer’s frown only deepens.

           “Busy?”

           JJ nods.

           “Yarborough has been chomping at the bit to ask her to dinner. My guess is he’s got her cornered somewhere.”

           Of fucking course.

           Spencer’s out of his seat and stomping through the precinct in second, oblivious to the way his coworkers exchange curious glances as he storms off.

           He finds the two of you in much the same way as before, only this time Trevor is blocking your path to the doorway, hand in the air as he moves to tuck a stray piece of your hair behind your ear.

           “– C’mon, babe. Say you’ll go to dinner with me,” Trevor croons in a way that’s supposed to come off as seductive. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

           You lean backwards in an attempt to evade his touch, and you barely get the chance to open your mouth when Spencer intervenes.

           “She’s not interested.”

           The detective whips around, snorting in annoyance when he sees Spencer standing in the doorway.

           “What are you, her fucking keeper?” Trevor sneers, before turning back to face you. “Who does this guy think he is?”

           Something in Spencer snaps, then – the same something that has been swelling inside him for months, threatening to spill over every time he had to pretend that the stares didn’t enrage him. He’s tired of pretending, tired of hiding, and so, so fucking tired of not putting assholes like Trevor Yarborough in their place.

           Fueled by months of suppressed anger, Spencer manages to cross the room in about two seconds. He has several inches on the detective, standing at an intimidating six-foot one inch in height, so when he comes to a stop right in front of the detective, he’s looming over him threateningly.

           “I’m her fucking boyfriend, and if you so much as try to touch her again, I’ll break your goddamn hand,” Spencer spits out, and he’d be lying if he said the way Trevor’s eyes widen in fear doesn’t thrill him. “Are we clear?”

           “Uh, yeah. Sorry, dude,” Trevor splutters, raising his hands in surrender. “Didn’t know she was taken. My bad.”

           Spencer tears his eyes away from the detective and takes in the way you’re watching on with an amused expression. He reaches out, and you’re quick to place your hand in his. Without speaking another word to the detective, Spencer leads you from the room and out the back entrance of the precinct.

           “What was that?” you tease, eyes glistening mischievously underneath the street lights. “I thought we agreed that we weren’t taking things public just yet?”

           Spencer crowds you against the brick wall of the building, pressing his body flush against yours. He ducks down swiftly, pulling you into a frenzied kiss. His lips drag against yours relentlessly, and all it takes is one breathy moan before he’s licking into your mouth possessively. Spencer slots his knee in between your legs, simultaneously groping at your chest with one hand as the other tangles in your hair.

           When Spencer pulls away, he doesn’t go far. His lips leave a trail of wet kisses down your neck as you writhe against him, hands clinging tightly to his dress shirt. You whimper when his teeth nip at the tender spot right under your ear, and you can’t help the way your hips cant up when Spencer’s tongue brushes against reddened skin.

           “I’m tired of pretending,” Spencer murmurs as his mouth continues to move against you, sucking purple bruises against your flesh. “Don’t fucking care about how it will affect the job. Tomorrow, everyone’s gonna know that you’re mine. Gonna mark every inch of you tonight – gonna fuck you until you can’t fucking walk.”

           “Please,” you slur as you guide Spencer’s hand down until his fingers graze the end of your skirt. Spencer chuckles darkly against your neck when his hand brushes against the soiled lace of your panties.

           “Didn’t mean I’d fuck you right here,” he laughs, prompting you to let out an impatient whine. The hand that was previously tangled in your hair slides down until it’s wrapped around your throat, and Spencer’s cock twitches eagerly in his pants when you push your throat harder into his palm. “Such a needy little slut for me. Ready and willing for me to fuck you out in the open, where anyone could walk by and see how fucking desperate you are for my cock.”

           “M’ your slut,” you pant as Spencer’s middle and index fingers ghost across your center. “Only yours, Spence. I don’t care who sees, just - please fuck me!”

           “I fucking own you,” Spencer growls against your lips as he tightens his hold on your throat. “And as much as I’d love to take you right against this wall, the things I have planned for you would elicit quite an audience. I know how loud you like to be.”

           Spencer pushes your panties to the side and you let out a low hiss as he drags a finger across where want him most. You cry out in frustration when he removes his hand to bring it up to his mouth, tongue darting out to lick his finger clean.

           “Just needed a little taste to tide me over,” Spencer murmurs, smirking devilishly at you as he steps back from you. “Let’s head back to the hotel. I’ve got lots I wanna do to you, pretty girl.”

--

           As soon as the door to the hotel room clicks shut, clothes are flying off as the two of you make your way to the bed. It’s a mad dash as you both undress, and as soon as the last garment leaves your body, Spencer pounces on you. Your lips meet in a passionate kiss, and the way you immediately go pliant as Spencer’s mouth works against yours makes him hum appreciatively.

           “Don’t feel like being nice tonight. Are you gonna let me use that pretty little pussy however I want?” Spencer inquires, though he already knows the answer. He’s known how tonight would pan out ever since the first roll of your hips against his back at the police station.

           You nod fervently, hopelessly, and Spencer moves his hand up to grip your chin in his hand. The pad of his thumb traces over the swollen skin of your kiss bruised lips.

           “What about this?” he asks, tapping lightly against your lip. “Are you gonna let me fuck this slutty little mouth of yours?” Spencer slips his thumb into your mouth and you immediately close your lips around the digit, suckling lightly. Your eyes never leave his.

           “You’d do anything I asked you to, wouldn’t you, pet?” Spencer muses, pressing his thumb farther into your mouth until you gag around him. Spencer withdraws his thumb and his hand tugs hard on the hair at the back of your scalp. “Open.”

           You oblige immediately, and Spencer spits into your waiting mouth. You swallow without being instructed, and the visual of it makes Spencer let out a low groan.

           “Get on your knees,” Spencer barks out, and the way you scramble to follow his order makes him let out a chuckle. “So eager to have my cock in your mouth,” he hums as he taps his dick teasingly against your cheek. You open your mouth wide for him, and Spencer guides your mouth down onto his dick at a tantalizingly slow pace. You let out a moan as you hollow your cheeks around his head, tongue lapping greedily at the precum that gathered there before Spencer makes you take him deeper.

           “Everyone thinks you’re such an innocent little thing, but here you are, letting me use you like a cheap whore while you enjoy every minute of it,” Spencer says through gritted teeth as you moan wantonly around his cock. It isn’t until he’s halfway down your throat that your eyes begin to water, mascara running down your cheeks as he fucks into your mouth.

           Spencer lets out a choked sound when your nose brushes against the skin of his abdomen, and he has to fight the urge to throw his head back in pleasure. He doesn’t want to look away, not even for a moment. Not when you’re looking up at him like that, tears running down your face as you swallow around his length.

           He pulls you off him just the tiniest bit before he’s forcing you back down, a string of curses falling from his lips as your head bobs up and down.

           “You take my cock so well, pretty girl,” Spencer praises, prompting you to let out a muffled moan around him. The vibrations send a shock of pleasure through him and he can help the way his hips stutter. “Fuck, baby. You like it when I tell you what a perfect little whore you are, don’t you?”

           You’re unable to answer, because Spencer presses down on the back of your head until you’ve taken all of him again. The pressure he puts on you doesn’t relent, not even when you gag around him.

           “Fucking choke on it, slut,” Spencer grunts. “Don’t act like you don’t want this. You were just begging me to fuck you in an alley not twenty minutes ago, like some pathetic fucking tramp. You wanna act like a tramp, I’m gonna treat you like one.”

           Spencer’s lips curl into a debauched grin when your hands come up and grip the backs of his thighs, pulling him closer and further down your throat.

           “That’s what I fucking thought,” Spencer moans, giving several more harsh thrusts before pulling you off of him completely. Spencer reaches down to wipe at the spit that coats your lips as you look up at him with a shy smile.

           “You okay, pretty girl?” Spencer asks as he caresses the side of your face.

           “Mm,” you hum, nuzzling your face against his palm. “Keep going, please. Don’t hold back.”

           “God, I fucking love you,” Spencer sighs happily. “Get on the bed.”

           By the time Spencer fishes a tie out of his suitcase, you’re sprawled out across the bed, head resting against the pillows with your legs spread wide. Your teeth are nestled against your bottom lip as you watch him stalk towards you, eyes running up and down his naked figure appreciatively.

           Spencer crawls onto the bed until he’s settled in between your legs. You present your wrists to him, just like you’ve done a million times before, and Spencer feels that familiar thrum of excitement rush through his body. He fucking lives for moments like these – moments where all his problems melt away to nothing. Moments where he has no other thought than wrecking you, thoroughly and completely.

           Once your wrists are bound you hold them above you, and Spencer sits back on his heels, eyes raking up and down every inch of you.

           “M’ so fucking lucky to be the only one who gets to see you like this.”

           Spencer pinches your right nipple in between his fingers and you let out a squeak, hips bucking up, desperate for some friction. He kneads your breast in his hand as he lowers his mouth to the other one, tongue laving around you. A light nip from his teeth is all that it takes for you to cry out, eyelids fluttering closed.

           “Spence, please. Need you to touch me now, pl-”

           Spencer’s hand connecting with your cheek stops you from finishing your sentence.

           “Do not tell me what to do,” Spencer seethes, once again gripping your chin to keep you from looking away. “Ungrateful slut. I should just leave you here, fucking dripping and desperate for a release that you won’t get. Maybe then you’d learn to take what’s given to you.”

           “Please, no! I’ll be good, I swear. I’m sorry!”

           Spencer narrows his eyes at you, contemplative.

           “Open.”

           You do as he says, and without another word Spencer inserts two fingers into your mouth, pressing down hard on your tongue.

           “Get them nice and wet, and maybe I’ll think about using them on you.”

           You do as he tells you, and by the time Spencer removes his fingers from your mouth, you’re trembling underneath him from anticipation.

           “D-Did I do good?” you stutter out, batting your lashes at him as you squirm under his gaze.

           “So good, baby. I think you’ve earned my fingers,” Spencer hums. “Need you to be still, okay? You’re not gonna like what happens if you try to move.”

           You nod enthusiastically, eyes fluttering shut when his fingers brush across your clit. Spencer spends ample time rubbing deliciously slow circles over your sensitive bundle of nerves, relishing in every gasp and whimper that falls from your lips. Lips that he’d very much like to kiss, so he does, and you’re more than happy to reciprocate. Spencer lets out a happy sigh into your mouth.

           You get lost in the kiss, so lost in the way that Spencer licks into your mouth that it catches you completely off guard when he slides two fingers into you.

           “Oh, God,” you moan when Spencer curls his fingers against your walls, fucking them in and out of you, slow and unrelenting.

           “S’that feel good, princess?” Spencer asks, a teasing lilt to his voice. “Tell me how it feels.”

           Your head falls back against the pillows as you struggle to keep your hips firmly placed on the mattress.

           “Feels amazing, Spence. Always feels so good with you. Never want anyone else, only you.”

           And fuck, if that sentiment doesn’t shoot straight to his heart - amongst other places. Spencer places a tender kiss to your cheek before he’s moving down to your neck and sucking a bruise right under your jaw.

           “Yeah?” Spencer prompts. “Not even that stupid fucking detective? I’m sure he’d love a chance to see you like this.”

           “So, you were jealous,” you chuckle between moans, and Spencer bites down hard where your neck meets your shoulder.

           “F-Fuck, Spencer!”

           “Should I be jealous?” Spencer speeds up the onslaught of his fingers, scissoring them at such an unforgiving pace that you can’t help but roll your hips against them.

           You regret this instantly, because Spencer’s fingers immediately pull out of you, leaving you empty and cold. Spencer tuts, shaking his head disappointedly.

           “Dumb little whore can’t even sit still long enough to cum on my fingers.”

           “Please, let me try again. I’ll do better, I promise!”

           Spencer shakes his head and scoots up until his back is rested against the pillows.

           “C’mere,” he commands. “Lay across my lap. Or can you not follow simple commands?”

           “I-I can,” you whisper as you crawl across him, splaying out so that you rest on your elbows with your ass in the air.

           Spencer grabs a handful of your ass and kneads it in his hands.

           “How many do you think you deserve?”

           You blush and smile shyly at him from over your shoulder.

           “However many you want to give me. I can take it.”

           Spencer returns your smile.

           “Good answer. I think you can handle fifteen. How does that sound?”

           “Sounds perfect. T-Thank you, Spencer,” you mumble, cheeks burning red. Spencer continues to caress the tender skin of your bare ass, admiring the way the skin is completely blank; the perfect canvas.

           You let out a whimper when his hand comes down hard on your ass before kneading the sensitive, reddening skin.

           “T-Thank you,” you gasp out, and Spencer is quick to follow up with another strike against the opposite cheek.

           It goes on like this until it’s time for the fifteenth strike, and by then you’ve devolved into garbled whines, ass bright red and marked up with the imprint of Spencer’s hands. His dick is painfully hard underneath you, and you’re in a similar state – arousal dripping onto Spencer’s thigh, coating it.

           “Last one, baby. Do you think you can handle it?”

          “Y-Yes,” you choke out. “Please, I need it. Hurt me, please.”

           The desperation in your voice does things to him, makes him practically feral with the need to fucking tear you apart, and Spencer is quick to deliver the final blow. You barely even have it in you to cry out anymore – a feeble sob is all that falls from your lips.

          Spencer’s hand ghosts down across your bruised skin until his fingertips trace over where you drip for him.

          “You like it when I punish you, don’t you, dirty girl?” Spencer hums as his fingers glide over your soaked folds. 

          “Y-Yes,” you mewl, shifting so that your cunt grinds back onto his hand. Spencer indulges you - allows you to rock your hips against his palm as he watches on in awe, soaking up every desperate sound that tumbles past your lips. 

          Spencer pulls his hand away after a moment and you keen in protest.

           “Can you sit up for me, sweet girl?” Spencer asks, and you nod, because of course you do – you’d do anything if you thought it’d please him. You struggle to pull yourself up with shaky limbs, and Spencer puts a hand on your lower back to steady you. “Can you straddle my leg? Yeah, just like that.” Spencer pulls you down and places a slow kiss to your lips, one hand coming up to wipe away the tears gliding down your face. After a moment of slow, sweet kisses are shared, Spencer unties your wrists.

           “I want you to ride my thigh – can you do that, princess?”

           You whimper as you lower yourself down onto his leg, eyes fluttering shut as you begin to rock against the hardened muscle of his leg.

           Spencer continues placing kisses on your lips, your face, your neck – worshipping every inch of skin he can reach with his mouth, all while whispering praises against you.

           “So perfect for me. Prettiest girl I’ve ever seen,” he murmurs as he grips your hips with steady hands, urging you to increase the speed of your hips. “Can’t wait to have that perfect pussy wrapped around my cock. Always so tight, yet you take it so well every time.”

           “S-Spence, m’ close,” you slur, hands clinging desperately to his shoulders.

           “Already? You usually last a bit longer than that, baby.”

           “P-Please, Spencer, I can’t-” you whimper, tears once again pricking at the corners of your eyes at the thought of having to wait a second longer.

           “Shh, baby. It’s okay, you can cum,” Spencer reassures you, and your shoulders visibly untense. “Cum for me, pretty girl.”

           It takes two more rolls of your hips for you to cum on Spencer’s thigh with a cry of his name. Spencer rubs soothing circles into your hips as you ride out your high, murmuring broken thank yous as you come down.

           Finally, you still, and your eyes open, pupils so dilated that your eyes look almost black in the dim light of the hotel room.

          “You okay, princess?”

           You give a weak nod.

           “M’great,” you smile, sounding as fucked out as he’s ever heard you. You lean down and slot your mouth against his, and the kiss is slow and languid – soft and unhurried.

            Spencer is the first to pull away.

           “Need you to get on all fours for me,” he instructs. “Don’t think you need to put any pressure on that pretty little ass of yours right now.”

           You giggle at that, before crawling off of Spencer’s lap. You assume the position, and Spencer places a pillow underneath your hips before trailing a line of kisses down your spine. By the time he reaches your ass, you’re writing against him, wiggling your hips eagerly. Spencer places a kiss to both of your bruised cheeks before pulling away.

           You let out a startled oh! when Spencer licks up your center, parting you with his fingers before fucking in and out of you with his tongue.

           “S-Spence, oh my God, yes!” you cry out, hands fisting in the sheets as he continues to work his mouth against your core.

           “Love your fucking pussy so much,” Spencer sighs against you, lapping at your clit hungrily. “Could fucking lick you out for hours. You taste so perfect, Y/N.”

            Spencer lets out a filthy groan against you, and that’s all it takes for you to fall over the edge, wrecked moans filling the otherwise silent hotel room. This orgasm hits you both quicker and harder than the first, and he can’t help but smile against you as you rock back against his face, desperate to prolong the sensation. Spencer continues to work you through your orgasm, stopping only when you cease to twitch underneath him.

           “Such a good girl for me. Think you can handle one more?”

            You raise up just enough that you can look at him from over your shoulder.

           “Yes, please,” you beg, voice scratchy and raw. “Please, fuck me.”

           “Yes, ma’am,” Spencer chuckles. “Do you think you can lay on your back? I wanna see that pretty face when I make you cum on my cock.”

           You answer by rolling over, wincing slightly when your ass comes in contact with the sheets. You look up at Spencer with wide, doe eyes. You have mascara smeared all down your cheeks and your lips are swollen, and to top it all off, deep, purple love bites are dusted across the entire expanse of your neck and chest. Spencer had set out to mark you as his – so that no one would be able to deny that you belonged to him – and he’d done a spectacular job, if he said so himself.

           “God, you’re so fucking pretty.”

           “Then come fuck me already,” you challenge, looking sated in every possible way – yet still, your eyes hold the same hunger that he’s sure is reflected in his own eyes.

           Spencer leans down and traps your lips in a bruising kiss, and without warning he thrusts in you to the hilt. You cry out into the kiss, startled by the sudden intrusion, but Spencer sets a brutal pace that leaves you no time to recover.

           “You said you wanted me to fuck you,” he growls against your lips. “Now fucking take it.”

           He’s fucking into you so hard that you can’t even manage a reply – you just tighten your legs around his waist and drag your nails across the expanse of his back, no doubt leaving bright red marks in your wake. Spencer can feel his own release fast approaching – honestly, he’s been close ever since the first drag of his tongue against your pussy. And now that he’s finally enveloped into your tight, wet heat, that all too familiar feeling in the pit of his stomach is threatening to consume him.

           Spencer’s hand descends from its place next to your head down to your clit, and your whole body jolts with the first swipe of his thumb. You clench around him as a litany of particularly filthy utterances escapes you, and Spencer’s hips stutter.

           “Fuck, princess,” he groans, head coming to rest on your shoulder as he struggles to regain his rhythm. “You don’t even know what you do to me. You’ve ruined me for anyone else. Never fucking want to lose you. Love you so much.”

           “I love you, I love you, I love you,” you chant into his ear, sounding like some kind of siren, luring him straight to his inevitable ruination. “I’m so close, Spence. Cum with me, please? I want to feel you. Please, baby.”

           “Y-Yeah, fuck,” Spencer chokes out. “Say my name when you cum, princess. Want everyone to know how good I fuck you.”

           And when you cum with a shout of his name, walls pulsating deliciously around his cock, Spencer is quick to join you. He continues to roll his hips against yours as you both ride it out, whispers of almost intelligible affirmations being shared between slow, loving kisses.

           After a moment of post-orgasm bliss, Spencer leaves and returns with a bottle of cocoa butter lotion and a warm, wet rag. You watch on with heavy lidded eyes as he cleans you up, and for a moment, he thinks you’ve fallen asleep. It’s not until he finishes slathering your reddened backside with lotion that you speak again.

           “You shouldn’t be jealous, by the way,” you murmur as he lays down beside you. “You’re it for me, Spencer Reid. I don’t ever want you to doubt that I’m anything less than crazy about you.”

           It’s everything that Spencer’s ever wanted to hear, and just like that, every fear – every insecurity that had plagued him in the past several months – fell away to nothing. Suddenly, he couldn’t remember why he’d ever been worried in the first place.

           “You’re it for me, too,” Spencer whispers as he pulls you until his arms and presses a soft kiss to the top of your head.

           “We’re going to have a lot of explaining to do tomorrow, you know,” you remark as you nuzzle into Spencer’s side.

           “Don’t care,” he sighs happily. “I’ll shout it from the roof tops if I have to. I want everyone to know you’re my girl.”

           “You’re a sap, Doctor Reid.”

           “Only for you.”

           A moment of blissful silence passes, before the sound of your growling stomach sets you both into a fit of giggles.

           “We never did get dinner, did we?” Spencer muses as he lightly runs his fingernails across your scalp. You hum appreciatively and a pleased shiver rolls through you.

           “Nope. You were a little too preoccupied with marking your territory to even offer to feed me,” you tease as you run your fingertips down the planes of his chest.

           “Well, now that that’s been taken care of - could I interest you in some takeout?”

          “Possibly,” you sigh, flattening your palm on his chest, right over his heart. “Do you think that pizza place Trevor mentioned delivers?”

          “I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.”

          “Is that a no?”

          “... Look up the number.”

-

-

-

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[jerrienelock]

Without You - Sadie Sink

Takes place after the filming of Stranger Things Season 3

Exhausted.

Sadie is exhausted from all her sleepless nights. The sleep she longs for, no longer around, not since you left. She misses your presence, your hugs, your delicate words, your gentle touches. She just wants to be in your arms relishing in your radiant warmth, feeling your loving kisses to the back of her head.

She just wishes you had told her how you were feeling before that fateful day happened.

Splashes of water coat her face, trying to wake herself up, and cleanse her mind of you so she is prepared for her first interview since you left. Sadie shuts the water off, her hands now firmly on the sink. Her gaze locks with her reflection. Her once smooth skin, disturbed with protruding deep purple bags under her broken teal eyes. Her lips automatically dropping into a deep miserable frown, she finds no need for her mouth to break away from that position for it was practically engraved into her skin.

But soon she will have to tear it out and upturn the frown in a mask of joy and perfection. She doesn't want to do that, she just wants to go home and cry into one of your hoodies and not come out for days on end or until filming starts up again.

She should be strong, but without you there it feels like her whole world is slowly falling apart, and just a gentle push can send it tumbling down. You were her rock, her saviour, her superhero that fends off all the bad guys for her.

But now that you're gone, she has to do that all alone.

An interview without you at her side feels so daunting, she won't be able to clutch onto your hands when she feels a slight bit of nerves. She won't be able to rely on you to get through the merciless questions that will only be worse, now that you're gone.

"Sades?" A soft voice calls from behind the bathroom door. Sadie quickly stands up straight and regains her composure just as the door opens to reveal Millie. "Oh Sades," The Fifteen-year-old says sympathetically opening her arms for the redhead.

Sadie instantly buries herself into the younger girl. "I miss her." She mutters into Millie's shoulder.

"I miss her too."

Millie tightens the hug and she stands there holding Sadie with all her might, afraid that if she were to let go the older girl will break down and shatter right in front of her. But she could feel Sadie begin to sob and heave in her arms. "It's okay," Millie hushes the girl, her one hand rubbing Sadie's back delicately.

After a few more minutes Sadie tears away brushing away her running tears, "I got given the camera she would do her diary entries on. Could we maybe watch it later, at my house with the boys?"

Millie nods, "We would love to do that. Now come Sades, we have to go, it's going to start soon."

The interview was the longest two hours of Sadie's life, she wanted to hide away from all the questions and sympathetic looks she had been given throughout. Noah had noticed her discomfort and had his hand placed on hers comforting the hurting redhead all throughout. The rest of the cast had helped with the questions she had found quite hard to answer, the one's involving you, and how she was feeling since your passing.

But now she sits in her living room cuddled into Millie, with your stuffed dog, watching as the boys try to hook up your old camera, all arguing as they figure out what cable goes where. This earns a small smile from Sadie.

Soon the boys get the camera working and instantly your bright cheery face pops up on the TV. Sadie sits up a little straighter at the sight of you, her heart both racing and aching at the same time. Millie pulls the girl closer to her, in a way of further comforting her but also to make room for Caleb who wanted to sit next to the pair while the others sat on the ground in front of the couch.

"Hello!" Your voice exclaims through the speakers. "Welcome to Diary Entry One! I am as you can see on the set of Stranger Things Season Two!" The camera flicks around showing the bustling set before flicking back around.

The cast knew exactly when this first took place, the first day of filming just after they had all met Sadie.

"We got a new girl here as well, her name is Sadie Sink." You gush into the camera, a pink hue evident on your cheeks. "She's really nice... and pretty." You murmur the last part looking off to the side. "Anyways! Let's go see her!" You quickly rush off to where you had been looking at, camera in tow and stop at a then fifteen-year-old Sadie, "Hello bloody tampon, say hi to the camera!"

Everyone laughs, including Sadie who remembers that exact moment.

"What did you just call me?" Sadie questions in disbelief and You laugh, "You heard me." Before Sadie could say anything else, you quickly leave and shut the camera off.

"Hello!" You shout  with Finn alongside you, "This is, drum roll please Wolf boy," Finn drums his hands on his lap, "Diary Entry Two!" You and Finn cheer loudly capturing the attention of some of the crew members behind you. They immediately hush you both as they film a scene involving Sadie and Caleb. You and Finn quietly apologise before making your way over to Dacre who speaks with Natalia and Joe.

"Dacre!" Finn calls out causing the man to stop and turn to them, a bright smile on his face.

"Hello Lacey, Mike. What can I do for you?"

"Can you answer some-" Finn begins but you cut him off abruptly

"Is Sadie single?"

Finn turns to you and the camera wide-eyed. Dacre raises a brow, throwing a quick glance over to Natalia and Joe. "I don't know? Why, are you interested?"

Your voice sounds panicked from behind the camera, "No! I mean, Finn is."

"Y/n!" Finn shouts, "I don't!" He quickly grabs the camera from your grip and turns it to face a laughing you before cutting the feed.

"Oh, so that's how that rumour sprouted. You look so scared," Sadie giggles and Finn sends her a mocking glare.

"I didn't know she was going to say that okay?" He chuckles.

The next video rolls on and it shows both Sadie and you.

You set the camera down in front of Sadie who was busy getting her hair done. She eyes the camera cautiously as the stylist ducks out the way slightly. "This is Diary Entry number three... I think," You sit down on a chair next to her, your stylist moving in to prep your hair. "We are almost finished filming!" You smile and look over to Sadie who does a quick glance at you. "Anyways, it's time."

"Time for what?" Sadie quiers

"Time for the questions silly," You laugh tilting your head back as your stylist  combs your hair. "First question, how has your time on set been?"

"It's been great! Everyone is amazing!"

"Everyone? You sure you don't mean just me?"

Sadie giggles, "Sure."

A few more questions were asked, them mainly being about how she has felt about her time acting and being forced in a room with you and the others. She had opened up slightly about how she felt kind of isolated in the beginning due to everyone already knowing each other until You and Millie kindly took her under your wing.

"Okay last question, do you have eyes for anyone?" You smirk and Sadie goes silent.

"No comment," You gasp.

"What! Sadelyn Sinkhole does have eyes on someone," You lean forward much to your stylests dismay as she pulls you back. "Who is it?"

Once again Sadie replies, "No comment." and you huff.

"I will get it out of you. It may not be today, but it will happen someday."

Sadie's cheeks turn pink and she can't help but hide her smile in your stuffed teddy, reminiscing about how she had ended up spilling her feelings to you not even a day later. To her surprise back then you had reciprocated her feelings and even managed to steal her first kiss, she doing the same to you.

The next video rolls on with you beaming once again in the camera.

"Hello!" You exclaim once again, in the background was the cast in their season two attire watching you with smiles. "This is Diary Entry number four, we have now finished the infamous season two!" The group breaks out into cheers and a round of applause, and you place the camera down on a stand so that everyone was in the frame and move back to go sit next to Sadie, pushing Finn out of the way in the process.

"I can't believe you couldn't tell she liked you!" Finn exclaims gesturing to the action you had pulled. "Your girlfriend literally pushed me out of my seat," He laughs making Sadie snigger.

"So Caleb Mclaughlin." You start, capturing the young boy's attention, "How was it like to kiss the gorgeous Max Mayfield, the infamous MadMax," You tease and the boy bows his head in embarrassment, Everyone laughs and so do you but it was cut short as you began to cough. "You okay Y/n?" Sadie questions and you nod while Sadie not so sneakily brings her hand into yours.

"Wait!" Millie jumps in disbelief her eyes trained at the holding hands, "Were you two a couple then?" She flickers her gaze over to Sadie who turns as red as her hair, "Oh my God! We thought you two got together just before Season Three." Millie smiles slapping Sadie's leg jokingly, "You dirty dogs!"

The entry's continue, this time mostly showing you and Sadie alone. Most of the time, your hands were wrapped around her waist while she holds the camera up at you two in various locations.

"First date!" Sadie exclaims looking lovingly over at you.

*

"Can you see me?" You question trying to look over into the camera to see if you were in the frame- you in fact were not.

* "Sades!" You call out for her from her living room. "I got you something!" The camera flicks down to a necklace with a small pendant in your hand.

While that video shows, Sadie herself glances down at the necklace you had given her and fiddles with it, her heart fluttering in her chest.

*

"Do you think they'll freak out when we tell them?" Sadie questions fiddling with your hand as the camera shows you both walking back onto the set for a reading. You nod, "Oh, most definitely." The camera cuts and then turns back onto an unknowing Millie waiting for you both at the entrance to the reading.

"Y/n! Sadie!- Woah." Millie's eyes go wide as she spots your hands, "Are you two?" She gestures between the both of you. Sadie confirms with a kiss of your cheek causing her to squeal and run in to tell everyone.

* "Hello! And we're back! Season Three of Stranger Things, it's your favourite character Aunt Helga speaking." You laugh at your own words, "I'm joking, it's the best character out of the show, Dustins' sister Lacey. Today we are as usual on our first day back at filming." You cheer, "This is Diary Entry number five."

"Y/n! Where are you?" Dacre calls out in the background, "You have to go get pepper-sprayed in the face!" You widen your eyes slightly, and Dacre appears behind you, "It's just water don't worry."

The camera cuts but then is turned back on to show a smiling Dacre, he flips the camera around and it shows you being dunked in the Henderson's kitchen sink by Caleb and Sadie. "I'm drowning!" You yell out gasping for breaths. "I'd rather you drown than go blind, Lacey," Sadie comments in Max's character. Caleb goes to turn off the tap but instead accidentally turns it on full speed, the water hitting you right in the mouth making you choke and develop a coughing fit. "I didn't mean to literally drown her!" Sadie yells and Caleb throws his hand up defensively, "My hands slipped."

That scene was a blooper itself but yet it was still kept in the actual show.

Many more diary entries ended up being full of bloopers, you hanging with Sadie and sometimes the rest of the crew until it started to change.

There you stand in front of the camera, your hands clutching your chest tightly, "My chest hurts." You croak out, tears swelling in your eyes from the pain.

The cast visibly sit a little straighter at the sight of you.

You stand there for a few more seconds just holding onto your chest before finally you drop your hands down and stand straighter. You furrow your brows, "It's gone. I don't know what it is but it's been happening a lot lately." You announce but quickly shrug it off as you hear your name being called. You grab onto the camera and run out where Sadie is standing waiting for you with a bright white smile. You grab onto your girlfriend's hand and you walk off to your next scene.

Another video rolls on this time showing you setting the camera down in a position so that it showed the set you were on. You are then seen dashing back onto set and getting onto your starting position with Gaten at your side. The video goes on as normal with the familiar star court scene and then all the way to the end, with Dacre having moved it for you to get the right angles where you stand near a casted officer, signalling the end of the filming process.

"Cut," The director yells and cheers are heard all around. You jump up and hug the nearest person to you, this being Sadie and enrapturing her into a joyful kiss before moving on to everyone else.

The mood is noticeably ecstatic and everyone is busy cleaning up, with you having a quick word with Sadie before going to head for your still recording camera, shouting a 'Shut up' to Caleb who had mocked what you said to your girlfriend. Your smile is bright and inviting until it drops to a stone cold expression.

And then you were seen clutching onto your chest, feet staggering and skin paling before dropping to the floor.

"Y/n!" Gaten screams hurtling over to you, just in time to catch you. You weren't moving and the camera shows it, it shows everything happening at that exact moment. It shows Gatens terrified face as he shakes you, trying to wake you up. It shows crew members flying over to you in a hurry. It shows your girlfriend and the others staring at you horrified and worried.

"Someone call an ambulance!" The director yells shoving past all crew members who were just crowded around you. Immediately chest compressions were started.

"Oh God," Caleb murmurs his teary eyes entranced on the TV. He wants to look away but he can't.

Sadie sniffles, her heart aching tremendously at the screen.

Millie and Finn hold a sobbing Sadie in the far corner of the screen, while Noah is seen dashing for the camera and turning it off.

They thought it was the end but another clip rolls and a bloodshot eyed Sadie Sink appears in one of your hoodies, holding your stuffed dog close to her chest. She was in your dressing room, it was known by the pictures you had placed on the walls of your family and the cast behind Sadie.

"Hi Y/n," Sadie croaks out, voice breaking instantly. She can't speak, her throat hurts and her tears just flow out coating your stuffed animal with her tears. "I miss you. It's only been a few hours since you left us, but I miss you so much." She brings your hoodie to wipe away a few of her tears, "I just want to say I love you."

Sadie can't look at the video anymore, her heart aching in great amounts in her chest, her bottom lip quivering noticeably. She turns and shoves her head directly into a saddened Millie who immediately takes her into her arms. Sadie wishes it was you instead.

She can still hear her own shattering voice in the video, each word breaking and every sentence ending with a cry. A cry of mourning. A cry for you. A cry for you to just come back and tell her you're not going anywhere. A cry for her broken heart.

Sobs wrack Sadie's body and a loud cry exits her making the crying cast members cast looks of sorrow, heartbreak and pain at her.

The video proceeds and Sadie is now still sat in your chair, this time not saying anything. Your stuff dog is latched to her chest, her chin sitting on top of the toy while she runs little patterns on her knee- something you would do to her when you felt nervous in interviews or big events. And then the door quietly opens and Sadie is seen turning back abruptly, her head shaking furiously.

"No, no, no, no," She sobs as your dad steps foot into the trailer there to retrieve your stuff. "Please can I keep the camera, please!" Your dad shakes his head sadly, tears in his own eyes as he reaches down to grab hold of the device.

"Please!" Sadie begs, "I can't live without her. I can't live without seeing her!"

The camera cuts off.

***

Masterlist; celebrities

#sadie sink #sadie sink x reader #sadie sink x fem reader #fem! reader