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tahitinuifan · 3 years

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Arctic Diet Gone Toxic

Pitching a makeshift tent on sea ice, where the Arctic Ocean meets the North Atlantic, brothers Mamarut and Gedion Kristiansen are ready to savor their favorite meal. Mamarut slices off a piece of raw pink whale blubber as a snack. Mamarut’s wife, Tukummeq Peary, a descendant of famed North Pole explorer Admiral Robert E. Peary, is boiling the main entrée on a camp stove. The family dips hunting knives into the kettle, pulling out steaming ribs of freshly killed ringed seal and devouring the hearty meat with some hot black tea.

Living closer to the North Pole than to any city, factory, or farm, the Kristiansens appear unscathed by the industrial-age ills. They live much as their ancestors did, relying on foods harvested from the sea and skills honed by generations of Inuit. But as northbound winds carry toxic remnants of faraway lands to their hunting ground in extraordinary amounts, their close connection to the environment and their ancestral diet of marine mammals have left the Arctic’s indigenous people vulnerable to the pollutants of modern society. About 200 hazardous compounds, which migrate from industrialized regions and accumulate in ocean-dwelling animals, have been detected in the inhabitants of the far north.

The bodies of Arctic people, particularly Greenland’s Inuit, contain the highest human concentrations of industrial chemicals and pesticides found anywhere on Earth-levels so extreme that the breast milk and tissues of some Greenlanders could be classified as hazardous waste. Nearly all Inuit tested in Greenland and more than half in Canada have levels of PCBs and mercury exceeding international health guidelines. Perched atop a contaminated food chain, the inhabitants of the Arctic have become the world’s lab rats, the involuntary subjects of an accidental human experiment demonstrating what can happen when a heaping brew of chemicals builds up in human bodies.

Studies of infants in Greenland and Arctic Canada suggest that the chemicals are harming children. Babies suffer greater rates of infections because their immune systems seem to be impaired and their brain development is altered, slightly reducing intelligence and memory skills. Scientists say the immune suppression could be responsible, at least in part, for the Arctic’s inordinate number of sick babies. They believe the neurological damage to newborns is similar in scope to the harm done if the mothers drank moderate amounts of alcohol while pregnant. The tragedy for the Inuit is that they have few, if any, ways to protect themselves.

Many Arctic natives say that abandoning their traditional foods would destroy a 4,000 year-old society rooted in hunting. No factory-engineered fleece compares with the warmth of a sealskin parka, mittens, and boots. No motorboat sneaks up on a whale like a handmade kayak latched together with rope. No snowmobile flexes with ice like a dog-pulled sled made of driftwood. And no imported food nourished their bodies, warms their spirit and strengthens their hearts like the flesh they slice from the flanks of a whale or seal.

“Our foods do more than nourish our bodies. They feed our souls.” said the late Ingmar Egede, a Greenlandic educator who promoted the rights of indigenous people. “When many things in our lives are changing, our foods remain the same. They make us feel the same as they have for generations. When I eat Inuit foods, I know who I am.”

Unexpected Poisons

In 1987, Dr. Eric Dewailly, an epidemiologist at Laval University in Quebec, was surveying contaminants in breast milk of mothers near the industrialized, heavily polluted Gulf of St. Lawrence when he met a midwife from Nunavik, the Arctic portion of the Quebec province. She asked whether he wanted to gather milk samples from women there. Dewailly reluctantly agreed, thinking it might be useful as “blanks”, samples with nondetectable pollution levels. A few months later, the first batch of samples (glass vials holding a half-cup of milk from 24 women from Nunavik) arrived by air mail at the lab in Quebec.

Dewailly soon got a phone call from the lab director. Something was wrong with the Arctic milk. The chemical concentrations were off the charts. The technician thought the samples must have been tainted in transit. Upon checking more breast milk, the scientists soon realized that the chemical concentration numbers were accurate. The Arctic mothers had seven times more PCBs in their milk than mothers in Canada’s biggest cities.

Dwailly contacted the World Health Organization in Geneva, where an expert in chemical safety told him that the PCB levels were the highest that he had ever seen. Those women, the expert said, should stop breast-feeding their babies. Dwailly knew that Nunavik (located on the Hudson Bay) is so remote that mothers had nothing else to feed their infants. As a doctor, he couldn’t in good conscience tell them to quit breast- feeding, but he knew he couldn’t hide the problem either.

“Breast milk is supposed to be a gift,” said Dewailly, who today is among the world’s leading experts on the human health effects of contaminants. “It isn’t supposed to be poison”. Nearly a generation has passed since those first vials of breast milk arrived in the Quebec laboratory. The babies Dewailly agonized over are all grown up and will pass to their own children the chemical load amassing in their bodies.

Top of the World

From ice-clinging algae to polar bears, the Arctic has a long and intricate ladder of life. An estimated 650,000 indigenous people inhabit the top rung, and their population is steadily growing. About 90,000 are the Inuit of Eastern Canada and Greenland-a territory of Denmark under its own home-rule government. Others, spread across eight nations and speak dozens of languages.

Environmental scientists suspect that industrial chemicals first hitched a ride to the Artic in the 1940s. The chemicals originate in cities in North America, Europe, and Asia. They travel thousands of miles via north winds, ocean currents, and rivers. In the Arctic, the sea is a deep-freeze archive storing contaminants that are slow to break down in cold temperatures and low sunlight. Ingested first by zooplankton, the chemicals spread through the food web as one species consumes another.

Scientists say that the Arctic’s water and air are much cleaner than in urban environments. PCBS and DDT in the fish and mammals of such areas as the Great Lakes, the Baltic, and North Sea are 10 to 100 times higher in concentration than in the Arctic Ocean. But most urban dwellers consume food from a host of sources, eating comparatively limited amounts of seafood and no marine mammals or other top predators high on the food web. Instead, they consume mostly land-raised food with low contaminant levels.

Inuit, by contrast, eat much like a polar bear does; consuming the blubber and meat of fish-eating whales, seals, walruses, and seabirds four or five links up the marine food chain. Contaminants, which accumulate in animals’ fat, magnify in concentration with each step up, from plankton to people. In newborns’ umbilical cord blood and mother’s breast milk, average PCB and mercury levels are 20 to 50 times higher in remote villages in Greenland than in urban areas of the United States and Europe.

In far northern villages such as Qaanaaq (where the Kristiansens live) one of every six adults tested exceeds 200 parts per billion of mercury in the blood, a dose known to cause acute symptoms of mercury poisoning. “That’s a huge amount of mercury,” said John Risher, a mercury specialist at the U.S. Centers for Disease Control toxic substances agency. “At that level, I would really except to see effects, such as paresthsia, an abnormal tingling or numbness in the hands.”

Few details are known about Russia’s Siberia, but scientists are expected to soon release data showing that residents of the region are more contaminated than Greenlanders. In contrast, Alaska’s Inuit carry low concentrations because they eat bowhead whales that are low on the food web. PCBs and DDT, the so-called legacy chemicals banned three decades ago in most developed countries, peaked in the 1990s and since then have declined, although they remain at substantially higher levels in Arctic people than people elsewhere.

Other compounds are increasing, including mercury and brominated flame retardants called PBDEs. Much of the mercury comes from coal-burning power plants, largely in Asia, while the United States is the major source of flame retardants, used in plastics and polyurethane foam. Subtle health effects are occurring in certain areas of the Arctic due to contaminants in traditional food, particularly for mercury and PCBs.

Building up over a lifetime, chemicals stored in a mother’s body cross into the womb, contaminating a fetus before birth. Then the newborn gets an added dose from breast milk. A study in Arctic Canada has shown for the first time that the risks of traditional foods seem to outweigh their benefits. 11-month-old Nunavik babies were repeatedly shown a picture while researchers recorded how readily the children recognized images they already had seen. The infants with high amounts of PCBs in their bodies were 10% less likely to recognize the images than infants with low PCB levels.

A separate, smaller study also linked PCBs with slight neurological effects in older children in Qaanaaq. The studies confirm similar neurological effects detected in children elsewhere including the Great Lakes region. Also in Nunavik, infants exposed in the womb to high levels of DDT and PCBs suffered more ear and respiratory infections, particularly in the first six months of life. An increased infection rate is the most serious of the known threats because Arctic children suffer extremely elevated rates of ear infections, which often lead to hearing loss and respiratory infections.” Nunavik has a cluster of sick babies,” Dewaily said, “They fill the waiting rooms of the clinics.”

No Cows, Pigs, Chickens

A year-round icy shield-thicker than a mile in some places-covers 85% of Greenland. The island has no trees, no grass, no fertile soil, which means no cows, no pigs, no chickens, no grains, no vegetables, and no fruit orchards. Instead, the ocean is Greenland’s food basket. Sandwiched between Canada and Scandinavia, Greenland gets the brunt of the world’s contaminants because it is in the path of winds from both European and North American cities.

In remote parts of Greenland, such as the Kristiansen’s village of Qaanaaq, people eat marine mammals and seabirds 36 times a month on average, consuming a pound of whale and seal each week. About one-third of their calories come from traditional foods. “We eat seal meat as you eat cow in your country,” said Greenland’s premier, “it is important to have meat on the table.”

The Inuit say their native food strengthens their bodies, warming them from within like a fire glowing inside a lantern. When they eat anything else, instead of fire, they feel ice. “We are living in a place that is very cold and it’s not by accident what we eat. We are not able to survive on other food,” says a Greenland native, “hunting is so important to us, so fundamental, that we will not be able to survive without it.”

Everything else, from tea to bread, must be imported. In remote villages, stores stock processed and canned food that is expensive, frequently stale and not very tasty or nutritious. In Nunavut, across Baffin Bay from Greenland, store-bought food for a family of four would cost $240 a week, more than one-third of the average family income there. “We can buy lame lettuce, really old oranges, and dried up apples or eat fresh and nutritious beluga, walrus, and fish,” says a local, “there is really no alternative.”

In some respects, the marine diet has made the Inuit among the world’s healthiest people. Beluga whale meat has 10 times the iron of beef, twice the protein, and five times the Vitamin A. Omega 3 fatty acids in seafood protect the Inuit from heart disease and diabetes. Seventy-year-old Inuit men have coronary arteries as elastic as those of twenty-year-old men from European countries. Although heart disease has increased with the introduction of processed foods, especially among Greenlandic young people, it remains more or less unknown.

Public officials are torn whether to encourage the Inuit to continue eating their traditional diet or to reduce their consumption. Government officials and doctors fear that Inuit will switch to imported processed foods loaded with carbohydrates and sugar, risking malnourishment, vitamin deficiencies, heart disease, diabetes, and obesity. “The level of contamination is very high in Greenland, but there is a lot of Western food that is worse.” says a doctor.

Greenland’s home-rule government and doctors have issued no advisories. Many Greenlanders are aware of the contamination, although they know few details. In Canada, however, there has been extensive outreach to indigenous people, including trips by Dewailly and other scientists to explain their findings in detail. But public health officials there still struggle, after 16 years, with what dietary advice to give.

Last year, Nunavik leaders initiated an experiment in three communities that gives women free Arctic char, a fish high in fatty acids, but low in PCBs, to encourage them to eat less beluga blubber, the main source of contaminants there. Most Inuit have not altered their diet in response to contamination. In Arctic cultures, people rely on the traditional knowledge of hunters and elders, and with no visible sign of pollution, many are skeptical that the chemicals exist. Some even suspect talk about the chemicals is a ploy to strip them of their traditions.

Moreover, health officials point out that the risks of contamination are greatly outweighed by other societal problems, including smoking, suicide, domestic violence, and binge drinking, which have severe and immediate impact on life and death in the Arctic. For example, more than half the pregnant women in Greenland smoke cigarettes. Those who are aware of the dangers of toxic chemicals say that their meats are too nutritious and important to give up.

Anthropologists warn that efforts to alter Inuit diets can unwittingly cause irreversible cultural change. If hunting is discouraged, people quickly would lose their traditional knowledge about the environment and their hunting skills. Their art, their spirituality, their celebrations, their storytelling, even their language would suffer. Inuit dialects are steeped in the nuances of nature that their national languages (English, French, and Danish) ignore.

The most important damage would be to Inuit values and attitudes. In the Arctic’s subsistence economy, people share prey among neighbors and relatives. The best hunters are leaders in the village and they are generous with their wealth. If the Inuit switch to a cash society, the communal generosity would disappear. It is more than the food you are changing. It’s the actual catching and hunting of it that really generates the cultural characteristics. Even skipping one generation would impair hunting skills and once they are lost they may never come back.

Survival of the Fittest

Like everyone else in Qaanaaq, the Kristiansens remain mostly oblivious to the scientists and political leaders fretting about how many parts per billion of toxic chemicals are in their bodies. They simply don’t have the luxury to worry about dangers so imperceptible, so intangible. Instead, hunters worry about things they can see and hear: thinning ice conditions and where their next meal will come from. Anxiety about chemicals is left to those who live in distant lands, those who generated the compounds, those whose bodies contain far less.

About 850 miles from the North Pole, Qaanaaq, an isolated village of about 600, is the closest on Earth to the archetype of traditional polar life. Every Spring, when the midnight sun returns, the Arctic’s treasures, long locked in the ice, are within reach again. On a freezing-cold June afternoon, Gedion and Mamarut head out on their sleds, their dogs racing 35 miles across the glacier, toward the Kristiansen’s ancestral hunting grounds.

A little over a century ago, the people of Qaanaaq had little contact with the outside world. Today they can buy salami, dental floss, and Danish porn magazines in their local small market. They watch “A Nightmare on Elm Street” in their living rooms on the one TV station that beams into Qaanaaq. The people have learned about the contaminants from listening to the radio, but they will not change their diet.

Discussion Questions

1. How did the article make you feel?

2. How does geography play into their high levels of contamination (discuss multiple reasons)?

3. How do the Inuit’s culture, food customs, and environment play a role in the pollution levels in their bodies?

4. What can be done or recommended, if anything, to protect the Inuit culture?

#sociology #geography #arctic diet #greenland

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haec-est-fides · 3 years

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I briefly mentioned in a previous post that I wanted to talk about Lavinia Asimov and the sly way I think Riordan tried to use her to “develop” Camp Jupiter / New Rome.

Right off the bat, I should establish that a) I don’t particularly like Lavinia and b) I operate from the understanding that the way Riordan wrote the books, he very much frames Romans in a bad light. These may both be controversial opinions, and this is a long post, so fair warning.

Regarding that b point, the idea is that Riordan introducing the Romans as opposites of / antagonists to the Greeks (whom he’d already spent a whole series building up) inherently made his attitude towards New Rome less than fair. Camp Jupiter does a lot of things better than Camp Half-Blood, but it seems to go unacknowledged most of the time. Riordan spends so little time developing the Romans, or throws in little jabs at them for frankly really minor issues, because if he didn’t they’d easily overpower his beloved Greeks, narratively speaking. It doesn’t help that, throughout Heroes of Olympus, the chapters are all narrated by Greeks or Greek-oriented Romans. There’s inevitably a bias there. (Are we on the same page? Cool. Hang tight.)

In fact, the main characters who are “Roman” -- Frank, Hazel, Reyna, Jason -- are very anti-Roman when it comes down to it. I’m not saying that they actively hate New Rome or anything, but they just aren’t very (traditionally) Roman -- and Riordan himself makes a big point of this!

All of them are demigods who didn’t grow up in / have no history with New Rome, which automatically means they don’t represent a good portion of the legion.

Frank’s godly heritage goes back to Neptune (?) and the Greeks, if you follow it far enough.

Hazel, daughter of Pluto, doesn’t exactly fit comfortably under Roman rules and values, emphasized in how she prefers her spatha and to fight as cavalry.

Reyna had an,,,unorthodox life before joining the legion, which included time spent among Greeks.

And Jason? Jason is perhaps the clearest example, feeling torn between the camps and actually losing his recognizably Roman status enough that a ghost legion wouldn’t take his command. (Remember? That’s why he promoted Frank.)

All of them are also from the fifth cohort -- the least prestigious since the Alaska expedition, where those without references (which are a good indicator of a Roman background) end up.

Lastly, even though they ALL became praetor at some point, only Jason ever served the minimum number of years required to hold that office. The rest were promoted based on ~ popularity ~ and didn’t follow the cursus honorum.

Point is, there’s a pretty serious bias against traditional Romans.

Well, you might ask, if all of the main Roman characters “aren’t traditional Romans”, then who is? Who are we comparing them to? Simple: Octavian -- the one character built up as Roman, and who -- not coincidentally -- is written in direct opposition to “the good guys”.

Before anyone argues that Octavian took the “traditional Roman” thing too far and therefore cannot be used as a baseline, remember that he had a lot of support within the legion when war broke out and often reflected the opinions of the lares (who are, in fact, actual ancient Romans).

This is where Riordan’s problem roots. He designed Camp Jupiter and its defining character as largely antagonistic.

Now, Lavinia Asimov is an interesting character, I’ll give her that. However, I think it’s fair to say that she isn’t the best legionnaire, nor is she particularly representative of Roman values. When we first meet her, she’s abandoned her post during wartime for no real reason. She constantly shows a lack of decorum, a lack of discipline, and a lack of obedience. She’s highly unorthodox, to say the least. She’s in the same boat as the other main Romans we’ve seen before, but with a slight difference: her name. Her name wouldn’t lead a Roman you to believe any of those things. In fact, it should give you the opposite expectation.

You see, the only character at Camp Jupiter who had an obviously Roman name before Lavinia was Octavian. Octavian was, simply put, Riordan’s tool to make Camp Jupiter the minor antagonists for much of Heroes of Olympus. He was everything a Roman should be, but weaponized and pushed to (almost caricatured) extremes. At a camp where everyone has names like Frank, Jason, Gwen, Dakota, and Larry, blatantly Roman names mean something -- at least, they did. Lavinia turns that on its head.

Lavinia was the name of Aeneas’ Latin wife, and as such the name is fairly weighty, mythologically. It’s associated with the founding of Rome, tradition, and good rulership.

I think that, in giving a character who is clearly in line with the other not-quite-Roman protagonists a very Roman name, Riordan was,,,attempting to absolve New Rome of Octavian’s sins, so to speak. In Trials of Apollo, Riordan tried to develop New Rome more than he had in the past, but to do that he had to decouple Rome from “evil” (which was more than ingrained in the books by both Heroes of Olympus and the Triumvirate). He presents Lavinia as a kind of progressive Roman, who -- alongside Jason, Frank, and Hazel in particular -- will change Camp Jupiter for the better.

In short, Lavinia serves as a kind of ultimate foil to Octavian -- which is exactly what Riordan needed to “fix” New Rome, and her name is a key indicator of that.

#toa lavinia #toa lavinia asimov #camp jupiter #trials of apollo #toa #heroes of olympus #hoo #filodox!#this is one of my worse takes imo #like it's a decent enough observation but I sound really paranoid and gatekeepy about New Rome when I try to explain it #basically ? Octavian ghostwrote this

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theladyofdeath · 5 years

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V O I D { S E V E N }

Chapter 7. An ACOTAR fanfiction.

Nessian. Elriel. Feysand.

Previous chapters: Fanfic Masterlist

“The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.” ― John Green, Looking for Alaska

Feyre strode up to the looming mansion and pounded on the door. When three seconds passed and no one answered, she did it again.

It was just after sunrise, but Feyre hadn’t slept. She’s spent her night at the hospital, watching Rhysand’s chest slowly rise and fall.

It hadn’t been too difficult finding out where Rhysand’s family lived just outside of the city. She had hounded Azriel until he spilled just enough of Rhys’ backstory so that she could Google the details, only to find out that Rhysand’s father was one of the wealthiest businessmen in all of Velaris’ history.

From there, his address was easy to locate. He was practically royalty.

Feyre pounded on the door, once more.

A tall, slender man opened the door, dressed in black. “Good morning. May I help you?”

“I need to talk to Alastair Lunasa,” Feyre said, wasting no time.

“Mr. Lunasa has a number for his office you may call. Let me write it down-”

“No,” Feyre interrupted, wondering if the poor man in front of her knew how cruel his master was. “I need to see him now. It involves his son.”

“Rhys?” A quiet voice came from behind the butler.

The butler’s thin, bony shoulders stiffened as the woman moved around him.

She looked just like him. She had the same tanned skin, the same sculpted cheeks and jawbone. Her pink lips were just as luscious. Her long, black hair was braided. Dark circles rested beneath her hazel eyes.

“You’re his mother,” Feyre said.

She nodded. “Where is he? Has he come with you? Has he finally come home?”

Even her robe was made of the finest silk.

Feyre blinked. “I- no, he hasn’t come home. He hasn’t woken up yet.”

The woman’s lips twisted into a small smile. “He never was an early riser.”

Feyre’s anger lessened as the realization hit her.

She had no idea.

“Where is Rhysand’s father?” Feyre asked, with a little less hostility.

“Readying for the day,” she answered, softly. “Who are you? Are you a friend of my son’s?”

“I just came from the hospital.” Feyre wanted to yell, but her voice was nothing more than a whisper. “Where they contacted your husband days ago to tell him that his son was in an accident and has a serious injury. He hasn’t woken up yet. He’s in critical condition.”

The worlds fell out of her mouth without a breath, each one leaving a heavier impact on Rhys’ mother.

Her face had grown pale, but her eyes were ablaze. They shot from Feyre, to Elain’s little car where it was parked behind her.

“Can you drive us?” she whispered.

The butler had begun to pretend like he wasn’t listening. Feyre had a feeling he did that often.

Feyre nodded, unsure of how else to react.

Rhysand’s mother gave her a quick, curt nod before softly shutting the door.

She hadn’t known.

The nurse said that they had talked to Alastair, but he had never told his wife.

It wasn’t even five minutes that had passed before Rhysand’s mother, and a teenage girl who was her mother’s spitting image, hurried out the front door.

The ride was quiet, at first.

Feyre had so many questions that she wasn’t sure which to ask, in what order.

She decided to begin with the simple ones.

“What’s your name?”

“Oh,” his mother breathed. “I’m so sorry. How rude of me. My name is Meira. And this is my daughter, Reina.”

Feyre glanced in the review mirror. Reina wasn’t paying attention. She was watching the buildings pass them by in a blur, her violet eyes red and puffy.

They must have gotten their eyes from their father.

Feyre tried her best to smile. “It’s nice to meet you both. I’m Feyre. A friend from school.”

“Thank you,” Meira said, hurriedly. “For...coming. I-We...had no idea. As much as I appreciate you coming, however, it would best if you stayed away. For your safety. Alastair can be….”

“A dick,” Reina supplied, quietly. The first word she had spoken. “An asshole, a monster.”

The words were quiet, but Feyre felt them like a knife in the heart.

She assumed they would not be so open if they were not so terrified, so anxious.

Feyre nodded, swallowing her building questions.

To fill the silence, she gave them both the morbid details. She told them about the accident, about how Azriel and Cassian were holding up and healing. And by the time Feyre pulled into the hospital’s parking lot, her hands were shaking uncontrollably.

Their silence continued, as did Reina’s tears, as Feyre led them up to the fifth floor and down the hallway to where Rhysand’s heart monitor still steadily beeped.

Meira gasped, taking in her son’s appearance.

Silent tears began to stream down her cheeks as she strode to his bedside and knelt, taking his limp hand in hers and kissing it softly. “I didn’t know,” she wept. “I didn’t know, I didn’t know, I didn’t know.”

“They talked to my father? They told him that Rhys was here and what had happened?”

Feyre jumped at the sound of Reina’s voice. When Feyre glanced beside her, Reina was watching her mother and brother with an empty expression.

“Yes,” Feyre replied, quietly.

Reina said nothing more, didn’t move. She simply stood in the doorway, watching lifelessly.

______

“You should really eat something, dear. It’s on me, so eat and get whatever you’d like.”

Nesta sat perfectly still on the other side of the diner’s booth. “I’m not hungry.”

“Are you ever hungry?” He asked. It was not a judgmental question, but his eyes were lit with mere curiosity.

Since he had found Nesta in the parking garage the night before, Hale had not let Nesta out of his sight.

He’d taken her to his home, which was massive on the other side of Velaris. She’d slept in his guest room, one of many, and was woken bright and early for breakfast.

She probably should have turned down his offer. He could’ve been a murderer for all she knew, although the elderly man looked completely harmless in his cardigan sweater and pressed khaki pants.

“Why do you live alone?” Nesta asked, instead. “Your house is huge but you’re the only one in it.”

Hale’s brown eyes softened. “My wife died about five years ago. It was her dream home, and I stay because of her. Although, personally, I could deal with something much less grand.”

Nesta couldn’t help but give him a slight smile. “No children?”

Hale took a deep breath before replying, “Just one. But, we fell out of touch about twenty years ago.”

Twenty years without seeing his child?

As if seeing Nesta’s questions brewing, Hale gently sat down his fork. “It’s a choice I made with a lot of thought and a lot of heartbreak. My son had a very horrible drug problem. I did everything I could to try and help him, but he didn’t want to be helped. He was abusive and cruel, and he used me often. For money, mostly. Stole a lot of what we had to buy drugs.”

Nesta nodded. “Had?”

Hale raised a dark brow. “Pardon?”

“You said that he had a drug problem.”

“Ah,” Hale said. “He passed away recently.”

Nesta nodded, once more. She picked up her fork and picked at her scrambled eggs. “Is he why you’re helping me?”

Hale tilted his head to the side, watching her. “When I saw you, you reminded me of him, yes, and also of myself. I, too, have battled with depression for my entire life. My worst years were in my early twenties. I remember that pain, that hell. You seem like a very nice girl, Nesta. A smart girl, with a bright future. I just want you to see that, too.”

Nesta met his kind gaze. “I could hurt you. I could be crazy.”

He shrugged, taking another bite of his French toast. “If that’s the case, I’m almost eighty years old. I lived a good, long life.”

Nesta laughed, breathily. “Fair enough.”

They ate in a comfortable silence, Hale asking Nesta questions every now and then about her life, her interests. Nesta returned his questions with those of her own.

And she actually began to enjoy herself.

_______

Azriel sat in his apartment, alone.

Cassian was still in the hospital.

Rhys hadn’t even woken up yet.

But Azriel had to leave the hospital, at least for a little while. He hated seeing Cassian beat himself up over something that was all of their faults. He hated seeing Rhys, too, lying there like a beaten rag doll.

Being home wasn’t any better, though.

Cassian’s room was empty. Cece stayed with him at the hospital. Rhys’ bag was still sitting open, his clothes strung throughout the living room.

Untouched.

He could’ve turned on the tv, or at least the radio, but Azriel sat in complete silence.

He should’ve been the designated driver that night. Should’ve stopped after one. He was usually so good about those kind of things, and the one time he wasn’t, it had cost him.

He felt like screaming.

He felt like reaching into his head to try and remove his racing thoughts.

Cassian.

Rhys.

He had gotten out almost untouched and he felt guilty.

Guilty that he was okay when his two best friends, his brothers, weren’t.

Guilt.

Azriel stood up from the kitchen chair in which he sat and began to pace.

Maybe he should pray.

He used to pray when he was young, not that it made much of a difference. At least it made him feel hopeful.

But he wouldn’t even know how to pray anymore, wouldn’t know how to start.

Maybe he should try and distract himself.

But with what? Alcohol?

No.

He was starting to sweat, his heart nearly pounding out of his chest as his hands began to shake.

He cursed, inside of his mind, those voices that controlled his thoughts becoming louder.

His phone began to ring.

Elain.

He knew it was Elain, she was the only one that had called him in recent days.

Sweet, innocent Elain.

Azriel had liked her, had wanted to get to know her, but then the accident happened and now Azriel wanted nothing but to be alone.

Completely and utterly alone.

It was better that way.

That way, he couldn’t hurt anyone else, wouldn’t be responsible for anyone else, for their pain, their misery, their lives.

Alone.

That was what he was meant to be.

______

Meira and Reina had gone to the cafeteria with Feyre, allowing Cassian to be alone with Rhysand.

It had been good to see Rhys’ mom and sister. They had always been kind to Cassian. He wasn’t surprised that Alastair wasn’t there.

Bastard.

Cassian glanced at Rhys’ heart monitor, beeping steadily, then at the clock, ticking slowly.

He met Rhysand’s blank face, dark eyelashes still against his tanned skin.

“I’m so sorry,” Cassian began, no more than a whisper. “I will never forgive myself for this. I need you to wake up, man. I need you to wake up, and make some stupid, cocky joke about all this, okay? I need you to do that for me.”

Nothing happened.

Cassian hated himself more as his eyes began to water. He wiped at them, angrily.

“I have a problem, okay? But I’m gonna get help. The alcohol, the anger… I’m gonna get help, alright?”

It was a promise, but Cassian didn’t know how much power it held if Rhysand never woke.

“Wake up,” he pleased, his forehead falling into Rhysand’s limp hand. “Wake up, Rhys, please, wake up. Wake up!”

His tears slid from his cheeks onto Rhys’ skin. He didn’t care. He didn’t care that he looked like a pathetic fool, that he was talking, yelling, at someone who probably couldn’t even hear him.

“Wake up,” he sobbed. “Wake up, Rhys, Wake up. Please. Please.”

He wanted to reach up, shake Rhys’ shoulders until his eyes opened and all was okay.

He couldn’t live with himself if this was it, if this was Rhys’ fate.

Beneath Cassian’s forehead, a finger twitched.

Cassian's gaze shot up and met a pair of tired, violet eyes.

The sound that left Cassian was something between agony and joy. He reached for a cup of water off the bedside table and held it to Rhys’ lips.

He drank and drank until the cup was empty. He looked to Cassian and blinked once, twice, then asked, “Who the hell are you?”

His voice was raspy, weak.

Another tear fell from Cassian's hazel eyes as he stuttered, “I- I, you don’t….”

Rhysand’s pale, chapped lips twisted into a smile as he whispered, “Kidding, jackass. This is one hell of a hangover, yeah?”

Cassian didn’t laugh, though.

Instead, his lip began to wobble and he laid his head against Rhysand’s chest and wept.

#tacmc void #void #7 #nessian #feysand #elriel #fanfic #fanfiction

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artificialqueens · 5 years

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tell me why my gods look like you (shalaska): mai

A/N: Here I am with another fic. It’s my first serious angst fic, and it’s out of my comfort zone (I am a fluffy bitch) so I’m sorry if it’s bad angst! Thanks to my amazing friend b (callmesatan201) for encouraging me to keep writing this!! TW for: homophobia, slurs against lesbians, religious stuff, domestic violence/implied abuse, drinking (underage), smoking (underage), sexism, and violence. Have a good reading, and if you can’t read this because of the tw’s it’s fine!! Don’t trigger yourself and go drink some water <3333 (sorry I just really care about somebody reading this and being like oH FUCK). Writing blog is @ uranustrash xo

Sharon woke up with a noise, a lot of them to be more exact. Her parents weren’t exactly the calmest and centered people in the world. She tries to muffle the sound with her pillow on her ears, but even like that, she could hear that still. If they were like that on Valentine’s day, imagine in the rest of the year.

Catholic girls school, Catholic parents, Catholic life. She didn’t even remember if there was a single Sunday she didn’t go to the church. Actually, that was how she meets Alaska. They meet none of the boring masses where all she wanted was to kick the priest’s head and set that on fire. She remembered Alaska in a ‘’good girl’’ white dress with floral print who had no sparkle in her eyes. She also remembered to see that sparkle when Sharon first talked to her.

Alaska’s scent was like fresh flowers, her smile was bubbly and shiny, and her laugh sounded like sweet angelic music… It was the first time Sharon actually enjoyed going to the mass. She came there all innocent, with her pure smile, to say Sharon had a very pretty style. Even forced to wear a dress, that black dress matched her also black converse and fishnet. Her parents complained all the way to the Church because of her outfit. But, it was worth it to be get complimented by a goddess like Alaska.

They found out their parents already knew each other but weren’t what you could call friends. Sharon heard her mom saying ‘’Pam Thunder got a lot of weight, and definitely in the middle of church service. I am wondering if she eats the cupcakes she has to place in, that’s why I never find them. Sharon! You’re also kinda chubby, do you think Pam’s daughter is like you?’ No, she’s pretty and you… Well’’.

Also, they found out that they went to the same school. So since that day they never stopped talking or texting each other. The bond between them got stronger and stronger. They couldn’t stop that feeling, the butterflies. They started to sneak out on the masses more frequently, to skip classes, to text each other cute emojis, to pass little notes in the classes… Of course, Alaska couldn’t go to Sharon’s house because her mother hated Alaska’s family now - for Sharon’s bad luck. -, but they always hang out on Alaska’s. Why would her mom think her perfect daughter with straight A’s was dating a girl?

Alaska’s parents thought she was straight, and so did her. Sharon already knew she was gay, she knew it since she was eleven and looked at Avril Lavigne with heart eyes. Alaska didn’t know her sexuality for sure, but she was sure it wasn’t straight in the second she saw Sharon. She couldn’t care less about Alaska’s sexuality, they were together and that was all that mattered. Sharon supported her girlfriend and would help her to find out who she was. Or, if she didn’t have the need to, they would be fine.

Now she had to fix the mess that was her hair - and she knew her mom would say something negative about it. But she got a smile on her face because she would at least talk to her girlfriend on Valentine’s day. Usually, Sharon would buy flowers for her girlfriend, and cuddle at her girlfriend’s house. But they really couldn’t cuddle or anything similar in either of their houses. Alaska’s door had to be open, somehow Sharon’s parents had the impression that Sharon was gay.

When she saw her reflex in the mirror, a tired sigh came out of her mouth. Her uniform was so boring, that dark blue plaid skirt and that plain white blouse made her look like an old lady. It didn’t even match her doc martens. It looked very good on Alaska although, everything looked good on her. Great, now Sharon was thinking about her again.

She was going upstairs deader than a ghost, but then she heard her mom and dad talking in an actual normal tone of voice. She sneaked in to hear the conversation because they were talking as they didn’t want Sharon to know:

‘’Sharon can’t go with us to this event… Everyone thinks she is…’’

Being gay would make her skip a church event. Sharon never felt happier for having the family that she had in her whole life.

‘’I know, a lesbian. We need to find her a man, and if she graduates High School? Are you letting her do college now? For God’s sake,’’ Sharon’s dad started to raise his voice tone.

Great, now they were in 1950 again. Sometimes she thought her parents were late on time, their minds were too outdated. They actually tried to find her a boyfriend before, but Sharon split in his face. The boy was the son of the priest’s brother or something like that, and her mother got very mad. All because she said he would bring her “status”.

‘’Well while she doesn’t have a man, we can’t go with her, all the other moms will be there! Can’t she be alone after school studying? What could she do? Set our house on fire?’’

‘’I would if I had the chance’’ Sharon thought, taking a deep breath to listen to the rest of that conversation.

‘’I don’t know, she could be sinning, remember when we found cigarettes in her room?’’

That was the point. Sharon’s parents never left her alone since they found out the perfect daughter smoked. Sharon used to be the role daughter, or pretend to, until that day. Since then, stuff went even more downhill. And turns out now she was the black sheep.

‘’She could be with….’’ her mother was visibly shaking ‘’Sharon could be with another woman’’

Slap, her dad mercilessly hit her mom in the face. Sharon could take seeing that one more time, she saw that her whole life. Her parents were disgusting for her. But sometimes, Sharon actually had some pity on her mom, she knew that wasn’t what she wanted for her life. Even if she used to say that was god planned to her, she knew secretly her mom sometimes wished she never meets her dad.

‘’Don’t say that under my roof, Patricia’’ he split the words in her face ‘’we raised our daughter right! She’s like this because of you, you know that.’’

“Me? What I did now, Liam?”

“Oh Miss scientist, did you forgot you secretly was applying for a sciences course behind my back? Did you forgot Sharon had to see her mom like that as a kid?”

Her mother had a dream as a child, to become a scientist. Unfortunately, as her family was very similar, she had to marry her dad as soon as she could, and have Sharon. It seemed like 1950, but their family was a very traditional family. No matter what century was that they always would have that head - Sharon was an exception.

So, when Sharon was about nine years old her mom decided to take a course in the area she liked. All behind Sharon’s dad back and Sharon kept her secret at the time. It didn’t take long for Sharon’s dad to find out, and when he did it went bad. It was the first night Sharon heard their fight, and when she realized her life was a big mess.

Liam thought a woman being independent was the reason for Sharon’s homosexuality. But the true reason was that she was born this way. And her mom should’ve had the right of being who she was, Sharon should’ve had the right of expressing her love… But living in that religious traditional complex, neither of them could. Her mom wasn’t too different from her at all.

And they were arguing again. Yelling, louder, and louder. It was incredible how they still thought Sharon could be sleeping - when she was almost late for school. When the situation seemed a little bit calmer, she went downstairs. In the minute they saw her, they pretended never happened.

‘’Good morning darling’’ her mom smiled putting tasty big pancakes in her plate. As the happy television commercial wife, she pretended to be. ‘’You know I hate your hair untied like this, you should do braids or pigtails… I heard that is what the boys are into…’’

‘’Yeah, but the only man who likes sluts Patricia, our daughter has to find a right man’’

“Well, then you should make a bun! It’s very classy and it could make a rich good man come after you”

‘’I’ll keep it untied then…’’ Sharon whispered, but unfortunately, her mother heard:

‘’What do you mean young lady?’’

‘’Nothing mother, nothing’’ she mumbled with the mouth stuffed with that sweet pancakes

‘’ I and your mom are going to a church event tonight. Unfortunately, teenagers won’t be able to come… It’s about marriage, so can you stay home alone for a few hours? Don’t do stupidities, Sharon…’’

That was everything she wanted to hear.

‘’Yes, thank you for trusting on me, it means a lot’’ she replied them with the fakest smile, the fakest voice.

‘’We love you so much, sweetheart’’

It was funny how her dad sipped his pure black coffee and didn’t say one word.

While Sharon’s mom was saying she shouldn’t eat more pancakes, talking about her weight again. Sharon’s smile was big because she had a place to spend valentine’s day with her significant other.

Usually, Sharon rides her bike to school, but not on that day. The sound of the doorbell gave Sharon anticipated butterflies in the stomach. She ran to open it, she didn’t even know why it was fate. When she did, she finally understood what heaven meant after all.

Alaska looked heavenly, the definition of an angel. The uniform looked very good on her and made every single trait of her glow up even more. Everything about her was perfect, even with their boring uniform. She was wearing white knee socks and high heels - even if Sharon knew Alaska’s mom hated them, that was rebellious of her. Her hair half tied in a messy bun on top of her head was like postmodern art. And she was sure the pink lipgloss she was wearing was craving to get removed with a bunch of kisses. Sharon was still speechless, while her girlfriend smiled.

‘’Aren’t your going to greet your girl-’’ Alaska coughed when she saw Sharon’s parents “your girl pal?”

‘’Who’s at the door, Sharon?’’

They both were panicking now, Sharon could hear her moms steps, walking fast to see what was happening.

‘’You’re gonna get lat- Oh, Alaska Thunder’’

Alaska gulped, she was absolutely shaking in the view of Sharon’s mom. Television commercial housewives can be very scary when they were mad - Sharon knew that.

‘’Hello Mrs. Coady, what a beautiful morning, god bless you’’

‘’God bless you too, sweetie…’’ Sharon could see her mother rolling her eyes, she wanted to laugh so bad. ‘’What are you doing here sweetheart? I don’t see you around that much’’

Her mom’s voice was so fake that Sharon wanted to laugh, right there, in the middle of that odd conversation.

“And thank God’’ she whispered, but Sharon was sure Alaska heard that.

‘’Sharon’s bike broke, so I offered to drive her to school’’

Technically her bike was functioning perfectly. But since her mom didn’t know anything about bikes because she had the 1950’s woman head, that was an awesome lie. Sharon was proud of her girlfriend for lying so well, she had to contain her smile.

‘’Yep, I was about to tell you, mom, it’s only for today’’

Her mom hesitated and looked at Alaska with a dead look. Unexpectedly she hugged Sharon.

‘’Bye honey. And you two, don’t call the attention of the boys too much. You two are deadly pretty… My daughter is prettier, but you will find your way Alaska’’

They exchanged guilty looks, both almost laughing until their stomach hurt. They wouldn’t, because Sharon knew Alaska was already looking at her with passionate eyes. Her mom wanted to stimulate feminine rivalry, but instead, she was only making their love grow.

Now, on the road, the wind blew in Sharon’s wavy black hair when she put her head out of the window. It was like an old classic movie, as they both were running away like Bonnie and Clyde. They could’ve been them, but fear surrounded them in that hideous environment they lived. Sharon put her feet in the panel of the car, chilling and contemplating the landscape. The dead silence between them got filled in when Alaska put some music on.

Chills ran over Sharon’s body: ‘’Awww, you put on Marilyn Manson’’

‘’Yes, happy valentine’s day, baby’’ Alaska drop a kiss in the air

Alaska got something from her backpack and handed to Sharon. Something wrapped in the cutest gift paper ever - it was white with little carefully painted roses. When she opened it, her eyes got filled with tears. Sharon wasn’t the kind of girl who cried, but all she wanted was to hug her girlfriend now.

‘’It’s my fave Marilyn Manson album… Your parents… Lask, how did you-’’

‘’I saved for it, I have a secret spot for money under my bed’’

Both their parents always controlled their money. Alaska’s parents had a good life, they could afford a lot of CDs like that, but rock music was ‘’satanic’’ for their church. Alaska’s parents would freak out if they saw her daughter bought that kind of stuff. So, she sneaked money to give her girlfriend something that meant the world for her.

Sharon’s mom found her rock cd’s once, including the same one she had in her hands now. She freaked out and banished all the music and posters of artists she liked and her mom considered ‘’evil’’. Alaska remembered comforting her girl because of how toxic her parents were. The environment both of them lived was, it was toxic and killed them slowly. It never allowed them to live their own lives and it made them very sick.

‘’You actually remembered it… How?’’

‘’I wanted to see you happy, boo’’ she blinked ‘’now please hide it this time’’

‘’I’ll as we hide…’’

‘’As we hide our love?’’

Sharon gulped, damn.

‘’No, I’m sorry that wasn’t what I meant’’

‘’It’s okay silly, isn’t a lie is it?’’

Alaska sighed, parking the car in her usual parking spot. Sharon used to call it ’‘princess parking” because she always parked there. Alaska could get mad when somebody parked there, like a spoiled princess.

‘’Well, not today! My parents are going to a church event and they don’t wanna take me because they might suspect I’m gay… So we can go to my house…’’ Sharon touched Alaska’s arm very subtly ‘’to be alone, you know?’’

All she wanted was to have some alone time with her girl. She wanted to have a nice date, as all the other couples were having on Valentine’s day. For some reason Alaska got tense, as she saw a monster or something, chills ran out of her body. Sharon thought it was because the situation was very dangerous.

Now they were sat in a bench, sharing a bag of doughnuts Alaska got on the way. Alaska licked only the frosting, sucking the jelly, and whining when she saw she would have to eat the pastry. Sharon laughed, looking at her face all messed up:

“You have frosting and jelly all over your face”

“Don’t blame me!”

“Is not my fault that your way to eat doughnuts it’s funny as fuck” she rubbed her finger on her sticky cheek “cutie”

“It isn’t, I’m a picky eater” she crossed her arms

“I know you are, princess parking, princess doughnuts…” Sharon mocked while she ate her doughnut.

Alaska was still with crossed arms and a grumpy face. She was the cutest thing Sharon ever saw on her life: “but at least I’m cute”

“Yes, you are” she looked around and saw nobody was there. In a risky move, she kissed Alaska’s sticky cheek “super duper cute”

And they kept there, chilling and watching the students come around the bullying. Pretend to be only friends, but holding hands behind Alaska’s purse.

‘’So, what do you say about later?’’

‘’N-nice’’ Alaska answered, tense again.

‘’Pumpkin are you okay?’’

‘’Yes, this is very scary you know? I still can’t believe we’re doing this’’

‘’Me neither, it’s gonna be so fun it’s being so long since we spent time together’’

‘’I guess that never happened’’ she laughed and rested her head on Sharon’s shoulder. ‘’Mmmm, you’re so warm’’

Apprehensive, she looked to both sides. Her shoulders were tense as she saw the students approaching them. Alaska knew exactly what to do, she held Sharon’s hands and muffed her head in her black hair pretending to sob. All the students stopped around them, Alaska held her hand a little bit tighter, she knew she would have to lie.

‘’Her cat died when we were doing a group project yesterday’’

‘’Oh’’ they whispered

‘’Tragic, I’m so sorry lask’’

‘’Poor kitty’’

‘’What if the goth dyke killed her cat? Isn’t she satanic or something?’’

‘’Do you want me to tell Miss Visage that you two are going to be late or something? Sharon, you’re the only one who can help her’’

Alaska nodded, her best friend Courtney’s words seeming very genuine. She still pretended to sob, and the comments never stopped until it was class time.

As the students got to their respective classes, Alaska smirked. They would have some minutes alone, finally. In their world, they always had to make up those situations, in their world, they couldn’t be like Courtney and her boyfriend William - together in public…

But they weren’t.

‘’You’re such a good liar’’ Alaska whispered, coming even more close to Sharon.

‘’And you’re a good actress princess’’ she held her face tenderly ‘’the best’’

Now they were playing dangerous, somebody could show up, it would be the end of them. It would be their ruin, but they enjoyed every second of that kiss. Hands were on Alaska’s hair pulling her closer, it wasn’t a rough kiss, it was very careful and passionate. The black haired girl kissed her as her lips were delicate as angel dust. Sharon always treated Alaska like she was the most fragile being in the world. With the touch of a feather, but intensively loving her.

They smiled in the kiss, laughed, and kissed again. They were so happy and in love. Sharon wanted to be there forever, and for one moment it was like the rest of the world didn’t exist for them. They stopped and pressed their foreheads together, gazing each other eyes. Sharon felt Alaska whine when she pulled away. It was the cutest thing to see her grumpy girlfriend with a pout on her lips in absence of her warmth.

‘’You’re so cute when you pout, but don’t be grumpy’’

‘’I want you’’ she whined

‘’But we have to go to class Lask! We already risked too much…’’ Sharon held her hand and caressing it with her thumb ‘’We have later in my house remember? I promise to cuddle you and never let you go’’

‘’Do you promise?’’

Alaska’s innocent tone was going to be Sharon’s ruin some day, that girl was so cute.

‘’I promise angel, now, class?’’

‘’Class!’’ she kissed Sharon’s cheek.

Sharon watched the bubbly blonde drift to the building awkwardly and stayed there. Alaska had to go to class because she had a bright future and was a good girl. But Sharon didn’t care, she was about to light a cigarette when she heard her girlfriend’s whiny voice by far.

‘’Sharon?’’

‘’What?’’ she screamed back.

‘’Stop it, go to class, or I won’t come’’

‘’B-but baby’’

‘’Now. Don’t make me go there.’’

The black haired girl sighed and got up of the bench, running to meet Alaska. She would do everything for her, even if that meant hearing her boring Sciences teacher voice.

[…]

Like she was in a getaway car running away from a very bad crime, Alaska couldn’t stop speeding up. Sharon that never cared about the thrill of the rush being too much got scared, and almost telling her to stop. A weird contrast, since Alaska, was always the scared one, and the one who cared about the laws. She said it was for a good reason, and as Sharon was a good rebel, she accepted it and put her new CD to play. Alaska seemed to realize the joy in her eyes singing the lyrics of her favorite song.

Sharon’s house wasn’t too far from school, and they arrived very fast. Alaska parked a few squares before Sharon’s house for safety, Sharon could feel she was shaking. The black haired girl got worried and asked her what was up. Alaska used to hate worrying Sharon, so she mumbled an “ I’m scared” and looked away.

But that wasn’t enough, she would never let her baby feel scared and unprotected. So she ignored the fact all her neighbors could see that and wrapped her arm on Alaska’s shoulder. The walk now was calm and heartwarming, with Alaska humming a sweet love song filling her heart with love.

It was good to feel involved in a loving aura, such as other couples always did. It was good to not care, to not fight for their love all the time. It would be so good if they could date, meet each other’s parents, graduate high school together… They could get engaged, have a real wedding, and the future could be theirs.

Even if sometimes she didn’t want to believe, Sharon knew they would have to end one time, and that scared her. It wasn’t the speed of the car, not the yelling she heard every morning. What scared her was the future, and how fast everything was happening, because it would end just as fast.

Alaska noticed Sharon was a bit down, so she kissed her cheek and smiled:

‘’We arrived!’’

For the first time, Sharon was happy to see her house. She looked around carefully and saw her parents weren’t home. The first thing they saw when she unlocked the door was a very excited Cerrone coming to greet them. Alaska picked him up and kissed his forehead:

‘’Baby!!’’ she looked at his eyes ‘’look, Sharon, it’s our baby, I’m like his mother too’’ she held him.

The innocent glare on her eyes gave Sharon life again. She was so pure, so cute, so fragile. She wanted to protect her, she didn’t want anything bad to happen to her, ever. All she wanted was Alaska to be happy because she was happy, she was warmth, she was love. Tears started to run down her face when she didn’t even realize.

Alaska immediately dropped Cerrone:

‘’Darling, what happened? Are you okay?’’ she approached her in her arms.

‘’I am, I… Fuck…’’ Sharon tried to whip off her tears.

‘’Say it. What happened?’’

She wanted to say that, she wanted to say she loved her. But saying she loved her would make things too fast when everything was going faster. She wanted to say that three letter sentence, she wanted to say that feeling. She wanted to look inside her innocent eyes and say it, split it into her soul. But she felt terrified, she didn’t want Alaska to leave fast. If she made things slow, they would have more time together.

‘’Nothing, I think it’s just PMS’’

Alaska sighed and petted her hair:

‘’I know you’re lying, but if you don’t wanna tell me…’’

‘’Its nothing Lask’’ she held her hand ‘’I promise. Now can you go to my room so I can show you what I have prepared?’’ Sharon whispered, kissing her cheek.

For one moment she heard Alaska gulp.

‘’Y-yeah’’

She didn’t understand why Alaska was so nervous, but anyways she let her go upstairs with Cerrone the cat. Probably to give him more affection than he could get - as she did with Sharon. She looked persistently in all the kitchen for chocolates. She knew her dad gave it to her mom, and that she didn’t eat and hide because it would make her gain weight. It wasn’t hard to find, her mom wasn’t good on hiding things like her daughter. The funny thing was that her dad was very abusive, but on Valentine’s day, he got her mom the best of the best.

Continuing to her adventure in the kitchen’s secrets, she hummed a song. Sharon grabbed a bottle of the wine she knew her mom hides to drink when nobody is around. Sharon already had a lot of that by her back, and she knew her mom wouldn’t notice if a bottle was missing. Sharon wasn’t the only one with secrets, and sometimes these secrets benefited her.

Lastly, she grabbed Alaska’s gift on her backpack. A photo album of all the moments they had together - or almost. Sharon took a pic of Cerrone in the morning before the day they meet. The church took a pic on the same day - where Sharon and Alaska appeared, both with their families. A polaroid of Sharon Alaska took back when they were only friends, to show her how beautiful she was. She had pictures of the yearbook, pictures of memories and places: Of the bench, they always used to sit, of their cats together… It had one very secret pic: a pic of they kissing, on a photo-booth in a church event. That picture could be their end, but Sharon kept it anyways.

With everything ready, she got into her room all happy. She opened the door and found a worried Alaska sitting on her bed and petting Cerrone. She dropped the stuff on her head table and took a seat on her side.

‘’Sharon…’’

‘’What happened baby?’’

‘’I’m not… I’m not ready for this’’

That was like somebody stabbed Sharon in all the possible places she could get stabbed. Alaska was dumping her, on valentines day, after she almost says she loved her… She couldn’t process her.

‘’I’m sorry I… I have to respect that you wanna leave so, go’’

Alaska’s face had a confused expression on it: ‘’Oh! No, I don’t wanna break up, hell no!’’

Sharon almost cried, she didn’t want to break up. That made her so happy.

‘’Then what it is?’’

‘’I know like is what young kids do these days. And I’m not the old fashioned ‘i wanna wait until the wedding’ kind of girl, but I want to wait a little bit you know? Because I love you, but when we graduate and I go to college it would be safer…’’

It couldn’t be real, she sighed in relief. Her silly girlfriend, her adorably silly girlfriend was the love of her life. She immediately held her and kissed her forehead:

‘’I don’t wanna have sex with you, silly. I mean I want to you’re really hot who wouldn’t? But not now’’

‘’I’m sorry I’m so dumb-’’

‘’No! You’re smart… So smart, I-’’

‘’Then what did you planned?’’

Sharon grabbed the wine and the chocolates: ‘’very fancy, huh?’’

Alaska laughed, the sound of her laugh was ethereal, and music to Sharon’s ear.

‘’And… There’s this, but open when you’re home’’ she handed her the photo album.

Alaska nodded and held Sharon: ‘’thank you, thank you, thank you. You’re the best girlfriend, you’re the best person’’

For the rest of the afternoon, they drank the wine, ate the chocolates, and just loved. Without caring about anything else, without worrying about anything. It was almost sunset time, but they were too busy - and a little bit drunk - to go out to see it. Alaska got wrapped in Sharon’s arms, while she rubbed her thumb on her arm. They were watching Mean Girls, and both of them agreed they were a not mean version of Regina and Janis.

Heaven was a place on earth when they were together.

‘’I love you’’

Alaska whispering that made Sharon burst into tears again. No one made Sharon cry as much as she did. She loved her. She… She loved her back. She felt scared of that, things would go fast, but as much as she was with her she would lose all her fear.

‘’I love you too’’ she kissed her cheek ‘’so much, I want to hold you forever and never let you go.’’

They were so in love that they didn’t realize the yelling, the same yelling Sharon heard every morning. They didn’t realize when Cerrone left the room scared, because he could sense that danger was coming. They were too busy kissing for paying attention to Sharon’s mom calling her name over and over. Alaska’s lips were so soft, nothing else mattered but that moment where her lips never felt sweeter.

A slam in the door, two slams, three… They didn’t hear. They lost all their senses in that kiss, and it didn’t seem like they would come back. Well, now the door was open, and Sharon’s parents gasped.

The yelling she heads all the mornings now was way louder and directed to her. Awful things, she didn’t even think she would hear from her own parents. Her dad was so mad that in one moment she threw the bottle of wine in the wall, that made Alaska start to cry. Seeing Alaska crying broke her heart if that was only her dealing with that situation it would be better. But when her angel baby was crying, she wanted to feel all her pain in her place instead.

It happened so sudden, in one moment they were the happiest ever, and now they were miserable. Sharon held Alaska’s hand in all the process, rubbing her thumb on it, but it couldn’t make her stop crying. Her parents only talked about God, about how they both were freaks. They said they were mad that they all breathed the same air. It wasn’t a thing a parent would say to their children, it wasn’t even a thing a human being would say to another.

Patricia was talking the most now. Sharon’s dad was quiet, shaking his head. Alaska couldn’t stop tearing up, Sharon in one moment started to cry too. But then minutes later her dad showed who he really was.

‘’I’m tired of all this shit, I’m fucking tired of this girl whining Patricia’’ He seemed done. “This fucking dykes… In my house.., Under MY roof.’’ he looked at Alaska and pointed a finger to her ‘’I’m disgusted with you'’

He grabbed Alaska by her arm, Alaska whined in pain. His nails digging into her skin: ‘’Freak’’ he slapped her face

Her arm was almost bleeding. Sharon was crying, begging for some mercy on Alaska. She didn’t support to see who she loved suffering like that, she would rather die.

‘’Please, stop it! Dad, don’t do it with her. Do it with me, leave her alone’

Her dad let Alaska go, only to drag Sharon to the nearest wall - where he broke the glass of wine. She got cut by the rests of the bottle and more tears ran into her face.

‘’You’re not my daughter, you’re not the girl I raised. You’re a lost girl, just like your mom. The difference is that I fixed her, the same way I’m fixing you now…”

Suddenly her mom slapped her dad in the face. Breathless. Alaska was with her head on her knees, sobbing her heart out.

‘’Alaska, go home, never appear in our sight again and never tell anyone about this! Do you hear me? I don’t wanna even hear your name again’’

Scared, Alaska nodded and left in a matter of seconds. Her dad was still mad, but her mom got into her senses. After locking Sharon in her room, they had a long chat - that involved yelling and crying. Sharon was crying too, crying her soul out. Thinking about Alaska, thinking about how her spirit was still all over the room. She only wished she could go back, freeze at the moment they were loving together, live there forever.

‘’Now let’s talk like a normal family. A normal family with a lesbian on it…’’ Her mom sighed, opening the door.

‘’I hate you’’ Sharon yelled.

She saw her dad almost slap her face again, but her mom prevented him:

‘’You hate us, and you hate God. But God loves you, and we do too. So we are going to cure you, Sharon! Nobody is born gay, deviant. There’s no such a thing, you were born straight, you’re not a lesbian. God doesn’t make mistakes so he made you straight, but you make mistakes: that’s why you choose this way’’

That words were so fake, Sharon wanted to slap her mom across the face, but she only could sob. Of course, she didn’t believe that her mother was wrong. She the one who was making mistakes there, being so intolerant and toxic.

Now, everything was numb as she was suffocating in the toxicity. But she had to handle that, because what choice did she have?

[…]

Sharon woke up with noise again. It has been one month, but the noises were new. They came from the bells indicating that the morning mass was approaching. Sharon knew what she got to do, get dressed, remind her roommate Phi Phi that she had to wake up. She was basically the only person she talked to on her awful place.

That place in question had an awful name: ‘’Saint Bernard School For Problematic Teens’’. A school that was a conversion therapy center disguised as a boarding school. It was incredible how these places existed, even if they violated the law. As if the homophobia from religion wasn’t enough, they had this place there nearby the city she used to live.

Now she had to pretend she was being ‘’cured’’, getting forced to go “back to be straight”. She couldn’t have any contact with home before they think she’s doing ‘’progress’’. that included any type of contact with Alaska or her past, or anything that reminded her of it. She could never see the love of her life again, and that made her so miserable, she didn’t even want to live anymore.

What they didn’t know is that Sharon always sobbed her name alone in the bathroom, crying her heart out. That place wasn’t home, it was everything but home. It was a dirty place, that made her heart numb instead of happy. Her parents thought that was the best for her, but she only could cry every day.

She missed Alaska, she missed Cerrone, she missed her room, her clothes, and her guitar. She missed what meant home for her, all the big, and little things.

As the rules said she had to make her bed, but she didn’t care that morning. The only thing that motivated her was one Polaroid of Alaska she found in one of the jackets her mom forgot to get rid of. She was in her uniform, smiling and holding her baby cat while Cerrone was on her feet - probably jealous. A tear fell from her eyes while she analyzed the picture, she missed them so much. They were her real family.

Phi Phi noticed that nostalgic and melancholic Sharon on the other side of the room:

‘’C’mon party city, I know you miss her! I bet she’s lovely, and it worth it to be here because of her… Look, I know what you’re experiencing, but if we get late we will have to do chores, I do not like them. So can you… Rush?’’

Phi Phi also had a secret girlfriend before getting sent to that place. Sharon knew that she was there for a very long time, so she probably saw herself on Sharon. She had an Alaska too, and every night Sharon heard her call her name while she was asleep, saying she loved her. She knew she wasn’t alone, that made her bittersweet - a lot of people like her were there, they would comfort her. But they also were experiencing her pain, and she wouldn’t wish that to anyone.

And they left for the mass. The hallways were crowded with students as the students. A peculiar girl called her attention, like a light in the dark. She wasn’t wearing a uniform, and she seemed to be scared, running away. It would be impossible to run away from there, so it must be somebody from outside.

‘’…Sharon?’’

When she heard that voice she was sure miracles existed. But then she disappeared in the middle of the crowd. It could be a morning hallucination: she used to see Alaska in many places when she was sleep deprived. It could be a different girl, it could be her imagination. Sharon didn’t know what was real anymore.

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keywestlou · 3 years

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UNVACCINATED PANDEMIC THREATENS NATION

From all sources, the news is the dramatic rise in COVID cases primarily involves the unvaccinated. A surge has developed that threatens the nation.

All for one and one for all does not apply as far as the unvaccinated are concerned.

Two breaking news items this morning support the proposition.

The first is the stock market soon after opening dropped 700 points. The basis the skyrocketing number of new cases and increased deaths most of which involve the unvaccinated.

The other that a national organization of pediatricians has recommended that all schools require masking again as students return.

Experts admonish the risk associated with the acceleration is caused by the most serious virus of peoples’ lives.

Some examples substantiating the conclusion.

First Maryland. Since June, 130 persons have died as a result of the virus. All 130 were unvaccinated. Maryland’s new cases and hospital confinements are up 95 percent and 93 percent respectively.

Louisiana a similar story. Since February, new cases and deaths are up 97 percent. In the past 14 days alone, up 177 percent. All unvaccinated persons.

Infectious disease specialist Dr. Catherine O’Neal said, “We really have two choices, we are either going to get vaccinated and end the pandemic or we are going to accept death, a lot of it.”

Alabama the same story. Ninety six percent of deaths since April 1 involved the unvaccinated.

Wear a mask and get vaccinated. Otherwise be prepared to meet your deceased family members and friends.

The Chart Room last night.

A new bartender. Jocul. From Indonesia. Filling in for John.

A good number of locals including Jean, Sheila, John and Cheryl.

Met Cheryl for the first time. She has been living in Key West since the early 1980’s.

An attractive and charming woman.

Cheryl, Jean and I sat at the bar and had a most interesting conversation. Covered a multitude of sins. And they were “sins!”

Jean and I moved over to the Prime Steakhouse. At least 5 years since I had been there. A lovely place. Top of the line food and service. Prices to match.

Jean was celebrating my birthday with me. I never got out on July 6 the day of my birthday. Prime was my idea. I wanted to celebrate 86 at an excellent restaurant. Additionally living in Key West where the fish is fresh, most become fish eaters and seldom enjoy a steak. My situation.

My meal as it would be in a New York City steak house: filet mignon, hash browns and creamed spinach.

I heard last night Marylin’s was closed. So soon? I was surprised. Hard to believe since the 3-4 times I had been there business was good.

Telephoned Donna this morning. Yes, closed but only for one week. The owner doing additional renovations. Terri will return to sing.

Steve’s sister in law Linda lives in Alaska and Orlando. Mentioned her yesterday. Inadvertently failed to mention her husband Rich. An Alaskan fisherman. He is the one who actually got his wife and a sister involved in reading the blog. I knew it and forgot Rich’s involvement. My apologies!

Before I share TACOS paragraph 3 with you, a few items of explanation.

Jesse Porter is prominently named. At one time, she owned a whole block of prime property in Key West. One block of Caroline extending from Duval to Whitehead. Beginning cross the street from today’s Bull.

The corner house on Duval facing Caroline was the Porter House. Today, the Porch.

Jesse’s property had a number of small cottages on it. One cottage was occupied by the poet Robert Frost for 16 consecutive seasons. Which one, I am uncertain. It may have been the one named Carrier Pigeon House. It might have been the one Steve stayed at. Steve not sure and I could not figure it out.

The Porter House/Porch was built in 1838. Jesse’s grandfather Dr. Joseph Yates Porter Jr. bought it in 1845. Lived there 80 years. He died in the room he was born in.

Dr. Porter was a distinguished physician and well known nationally for his work with yellow fever. Even back then, mosquitoes were a problem. Dr. Porter was instrumental in devising methods to control yellow fever, reform sanitation and quarantine.

Time for TACOS paragraph 3. It begins with Steve arriving in Key West for the first time.

It was early dawn when I pulled in alone / I thought I had just entered the Twilight Zone / I drove down Duval to Shorty’s Cafe / And parked right in front thinking it was ok / I knew a couple house painters who invited me down / They rented a conch house in the middle of town / I slept all day on their porch it was nice / When I woke I knew I was in paradise / Old friends from Ft. Lauderdale named Bobby and Wayne / They said, “Welcome, Bubba, we’re glad you came” / I said I wanted to open a taco stand / They said let us know if you need a hand / Everywhere I looked I thought was neat / I met this little old lady on Whitehead Street / She said her name was Jesse Porter / She had a small cottage and needed a boarder/ It was in the garden and kind of secluded / Fifty bucks a month, utilities included / Dr. Perry was her grandpa’s name / Getting rid of yellow fever his claim to fame / She said the first Pan Am flight took off from right here / And I wondered if she had been drinking beer / Then I asked her about the hole in the wall / She said carrier pigeons, they had no radios at all / And Robert Frost slept right here in this bed / And I believed nothing she said / I didn’t know for a year or two / That everything she had told me was true.

Enjoy your day!

UNVACCINATED PANDEMIC THREATENS NATION was originally published on Key West Lou

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hipsofsteel · 3 years

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Can we learn more about your Hawaii oc Akamu?

This is going to be way more rambling than most of my other OC posts, but yeah, I'll talk about Akamu some.

The first half of this is mainly about how Akamu was developed and why he's not as well developed as some OCs, and then the second half addresses his character now.

PART ONE

So, Akamu is actually one of the first state OCs I made, back when I made region OCs. In 2015, I never thought I would really get much into state OCs, but I had one story concept for a Pacific Northwest character who later evolved into Beverly (at the time Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Montana, AND British Columbia), and I needed characters for her to interact with, namely Roberto (At the time both USA California and Mexico's Baja California) and Anya (at the time both Alaska/The Yukon Territory)

It was through Anya's POV in that story that we soon met Akamu (who was always just Hawaii) when he was brought into the US by force. Even then, I stressed the details that he was far older than any of the other states/regions and Alfred, that he was and remained an indigenous Hawaiian, and didn't play along with Alfred and his imperialist ambitions.

That fic never really got off the ground, and sat by the wayside until late 2017, when I started taking state OCs far more seriously. I revisited the story and used my region OCs to start creating my first state OCs, in Beverly, Martha, Roberto, Anya, and Akamu, who, except for Martha, were all carried over from that original project.

Unfortunately, for Akamu and Anya both, my interests were no longer quite as much in the idea of creating a small cast of OCs and then telling one singular story, but creating a larger cast and having multiple story options. That was how I ended up making far more state OCs, and actually making a small error in names.

See, except for Anya, all of my character's names in the 2015 story had been chosen to carefully reflect certain things. Roberto meant "bright fame", a nod to Hollywood. Beverly "by the beaver stream" in honor of my home state. And Akamu "Adam" in honor of the fact that he was the oldest personification. By late 2017 and early 2018, I'd forgotten most of that.

If you're well versed with my OCs, you may be seeing my oops, in the form of Adam, my Eastern Washington State OC. So yeah, messed up there.

Anya and Akamu were, as I got more and more into making other OCs, present if I needed them for a story, and there were a few headcanons about them and their relationship with each other and the other states, but largely remain underdeveloped.

I'm an Oregonian, who has spent my entire life living in Oregon, and has never visited a state that wasn't in the continental US. In 2015, I had a story I felt strongly about telling with them, but by 2017, there were other stories that felt more important to me than theirs. But I carried them over anyhow, because they were in the first four state OCs I ever made.

PART TWO

So, first off. He is so old. He just vocalizes three question marks when people ask him his age. He remains the oldest personification among my state OCs. Because of that age, he's got a lot of wisdom, but he's keeping it to himself unless he likes you, because really, he'd like the US to just fuck off (except you, Anya, you're his babe.)

Because of this, a lot of the continental states see him as a mostly serious and occasionally incredibly bitter man, but when my friend Jax made OCs with US territories in the Pacific, he would interact with them in a totally different way. He was friendly and almost bubbly with them, sharing wisdom and kind words and learning from them in turn.

He can tone down the seriousness somewhat. I think that he and Roberto have a frenemy sort of thing going with each other. But its based on Roberto usually being quite willing to listen and learn from him, and the second Rob starts clowning about anything, Akamu will shut him down. Rob's probably the only continental state other than maybe Florida (also a bitter old salt) that Akamu can start to show some true colors around.

As for Anya, a woman who is beautiful, incredibly tall, hunting whales and living in a climate that actively tries to kill him, she is wife material. She lives independently, low key shares so many of his own issues with the lower 48 and the federal government. Their relationship is both known, and something that to them, is very private. To other states, they might just seem comfortable around each other, but to them, maybe comfort is what they want. Passion is all well and good, but comfort and kindness is what makes most of the sort of love they have.

Also, as much as her climate hates him, his climate hates her, so at least they're equal in that respect.

Overall, he doesn't have many friends out there in the middle of the Pacific. He's used to doing things on his own, and time has made him a suspicious to what outsiders want with him. But, should you prove to him that what you want is to respect his culture and land, and learn from him, he'll open up and be a completely different person, whose just as willing to learn from you if you have something to teach him.

I don't really have many stories with him now. But one day, there will be one that fits him well, and in that story, he will shine.

#oc akamu #aph hawaii #hws hawaii #ask hipsofsteel

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stephenmccull · 4 years

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The Mask Hypocrisy: How COVID Memos Contradict the White House’s Public Face

While the president and vice president forgo masks at rallies, the White House is quietly encouraging governors to implement mask mandates and, for some, enforce them with fines.

In reports issued to governors on Sept. 20, the White House Coronavirus Task Force recommended statewide mask mandates in Iowa, Missouri and Oklahoma. The weekly memos, some of which have been made public by the Center for Public Integrity, advocate mask usage for other states and have even encouraged doling out fines in Alaska, Idaho and, recently, Montana.

Masks, a political flashpoint since the beginning of the coronavirus pandemic, are considered by public health officials to be a top safeguard against spreading the COVID-19 virus as the country awaits a vaccine. But the president’s own actions on masks have wavered: He has called them “patriotic” but often doesn’t wear one himself and has contradicted the advice of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention director. During the presidential debate Tuesday, the president said masks were “OK” and then mocked Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden’s mask-wearing habits. In the audience, some Trump family members and staffers were not wearing masks, despite the rules set by the Cleveland Clinic, which hosted the debate.

The mixed messages and ensuing confusion leave governors, and often state and local health officials, holding the bag of political consequences.

“At some point, we have to turn the corner on this ridiculous separation of what we’re being told is best practice and being guided by science and data, and what the actual practices are by the people who issue them,” said Lori Tremmel Freeman, CEO of the National Association of County and City Health Officials.

So far, 16 states have yet to enact mask mandates for the general public — all of them are run by Republican governors. Three out of 4 Americans support enacting state laws to require mask-wearing in public at all times, according to an August NPR/Ipsos poll.

To be sure, messaging and the science on masks have evolved: U.S. public health officials did not recommend mask-wearing until April. And the White House argues the president has been clear.

“He recommends wearing a mask when you cannot socially distance,” White House spokesperson Brian Morgenstern told KHN. “He has worn masks on numerous occasions himself when appropriate and regularly encourages others to do so, as well, when social distancing is not possible.”

The pandemic task force sends weekly memos to states to share data and recommendations with leaders to help them make decisions, Morgenstern added. “They’re free to share that information as they see fit.”

Courtney Parella, a spokesperson for the Trump campaign, said that the staffers check the temperature of every attendee before admission to rallies, provide masks and encourage attendees to wear them, and offer hand sanitizer.

However, campaign events that President Donald Trump and Vice President Mike Pence attend often feature crowds of maskless attendees.

On Sept. 14, Pence stood before a crowd of hundreds in Belgrade, Montana, to stump for the state’s Republicans, including Sen. Steve Daines, gubernatorial candidate U.S. Rep. Greg Gianforte and congressional candidate Matt Rosendale. Photos show that most who attended went without masks, including the vice president, despite a mask order in effect for the surrounding county.

Montana calls on everyone to wear masks at outdoor gatherings of 50 or more people in counties with at least four active cases when attendees don’t stay 6 feet apart.

Photos show people sitting and standing close together at the event in southwestern Montana. Pence signed hats as people gathered shoulder to shoulder by the rails of a crowd divider.

Six days later, the White House coronavirus reports recommended Montana officials issue fines for those who ignore mask mandates in places the disease is spreading fast.

“What would be helpful from the White House is consistency in their recommendations and their actions,” said Matt Kelley, health officer for the Gallatin City-County Health Department. “It’s one thing to make a recommendation to state and local health officials to fine people. It’s made more difficult to do that when we have the vice president coming here to a rally where no one, very few people, were wearing masks.”

During a press call last week, Montana Gov. Steve Bullock said he didn’t plan to follow the White House advice to punish those without masks. The Democrat, who is running for Senate, said it’s better to encourage people to use masks than rely on fines.

But Bullock said the point of the White House’s request was clear. “Even the federal government says we need to be taking wearing masks seriously,” he said. “It’s not just governors saying that we should do this and it’s not just health experts saying we should be wearing masks.”

Missouri Gov. Mike Parson is among the Republican governors who have resisted a statewide masking order, despite the White House’s recommendation.

“You don’t need government to tell you to wear a dang mask,” Parson said in July at a Missouri Cattlemen’s Association steak fry, according to the Springfield News-Leader. “If you want to wear a dang mask, wear a mask.”

Parson and his wife, Teresa, tested positive for COVID-19 last Wednesday.

Spokesperson Kelli Jones said last Thursday that the governor does not plan to enact a mask order, based on an assessment of current COVID data. She added state officials consider the White House reports “really more of an FYI” than a mandate.

“It’s kind of a bizarre document, truthfully,” she said. “We read them and look at them — and make our own policy.”

The reports, which are sent to the governors, also leave local and state public health officials in the dark, said Freeman, of NACCHO.

“If the White House were truly serious about making these — what sounds like solid, scientific-backed, data-backed recommendations — if they were truly serious about it, tell the world, share them, be transparent,” she said.

Instead, former CDC director Dr. Tom Frieden said, the White House has fueled the partisan breakdown on masks.

“One of the many failures of this administration is the politicization of masks, and that has really cost lives,” Frieden said. “There is no reason masks should be partisan.”

Meanwhile back in Montana, Gallatin County appears to be heading toward its third surge in cases since the pandemic began.

“I don’t really have a lot of time to worry about inconsistency of messaging from the White House,” health officer Kelley said.

The county now has outbreaks in nursing homes and several confirmed cases in schools, he said, and the county’s positivity rate is heading toward 10%.

Kaiser Health News (KHN) is a national health policy news service. It is an editorially independent program of the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation which is not affiliated with Kaiser Permanente.

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The Mask Hypocrisy: How COVID Memos Contradict the White House’s Public Face published first on https://smartdrinkingweb.weebly.com/

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dinafbrownil · 4 years