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itsnothesameasitwas · 1 year

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haven’t done a rec in a looong time, anyway here you go with some of my favorites of the year 🤍

!!! - be careful and read all the tags and/or warnings before start, left kudos and nice comments to the authors <33

🌟 i need you in my swamp by @loubbies | harry x louis x shrek | 1.7k

While on vacation, sugar babies Harry and Louis get caught seducing a big dicked pool boy.

🌟 get nesting & soft knots by @pocketsunshineharry | harry x louis | 5.7k

AU where Omega Louis who runs a nesting materials Youtube channel meets Alpha Harry who knits his own blankets

🌟 ace of spades by @allwaswell16 | harry x louis | 78k

Living as a sheltered omega in a farming village has not prepared Harry for life aboard the most notorious pirate ship to sail the Atlantic. Or Louis is a pirate, Harry is his captive, and no one is who they say they are.

🌟 here’s your perfect by @brightgolden | harry x louis | 54k

All finesse tossed aside, Harry yanks the envelope from Miss Eden’s hand. He hears her laugh, bright and cheerful as he tears into the envelope. His eyes skipping over the complimentary paragraph congratulating him for being assigned, settling into the centre of the letter - the name of his future mate. And suddenly, Harry feels there isn’t enough air in this world for him to inhale as he recites the name in his mind. Louis Tomlinson. OR In the world where mates are assigned to everyone and deposited to their door when an agreeable partner is found for them, Alpha Louis has recently been given his. However, he is nothing like the type of alpha that the omega academy prepares Harry for.

🌟 reckless behaviour by @nouies | harry x louis | 13k

Harry is a retired football player looking for a new opportunity. Louis is the image consultant hired to help him find it.

🌟 crave for more of you by @cuddlerlouis | harry x louis | 34k

“Look, I’ll propose. I’ll do all the talking,” Harry says. “You’ll just have to look pretty and say yes at one point. That’s all. If that works, we get dinner for free, if it doesn’t work, we go for dinner on me.” “Where do you get a ring?” “You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?” Harry smirks. Fake proposing to your best friend to get free food at restaurants seems like a perfect game. What could possibly go wrong?

🌟 dark doom, honey by @outropeace | harry x Louis | 57k

Louis lifted one shoulder, lips slightly pursed. “You are acting like an asshole.”

Harry’s mouth pressed into a thin line, eyebrows knitting together. “I wasn’t being an asshole, I was following my own rules. The ones I always follow when I’m about to start an arrangement with a new submissive. If you don’t want this or are having doubts, we should stop now. But if we do this, I do want to make something clear, I’ll never do anything you don’t want to, but you have to be aware that I’ll never be sweet, I don’t do sweet, you already saw what I do. If you want something different you can go on dates, this is not that. Are we clear?”

It was the perfect way out. Louis could simply say no and their lives would keep on going as they were. So far, nothing was changed beyond repair. But he wanted to be. At some point in his life, way before Harry and the betrayals, Louis lost a little of himself, and had never felt closer to getting it back than in Lair, with Harry.

“Crystal.”

🌟 the holes of my sweater by @harrysmaison | harry x louis | 31k

Harry dusts off the flour from all over his body. His cheeks hurt from how much he laughed. Louis' face is flushed from it, brown hair looking like a nest. Yet Louis' eyes are lit with so much joy, bluer than the oceans, laughter dancing in the little green specks. Harry feels himself get lost in them, Louis looking right back. 'Has Louis always looked this pretty?' He can't help but think.They're snapped out of their trance by the sound of the oven beeping. Harry blinks. Louis is covered from head to toe in flour, looking an absolute mess. Why did Harry think he looked pretty?

Or, Harry is the new teacher, Louis helps him settle in, it's the sweater weather and no one's falling in love with their new, kind and charming best friend. No. One. (includes, harry's cat being 'the mood' all the time, zayn pining for liam, lilo never getting along and niall throwing parties every chance he gets which may or may not willingly trigger these friends to convert into lovers)

🌟 bitter ends turn sweet in time by @greeneyesfriedrice | harry x louis | 24k

“Are you…” Louis looks back down at the paper, voice almost getting caught in his throat, “Harry Styles?” Oh, fuck. Harry Styles.

🌟 ding-dong! daybreak by @thinlinez | harry x louis | 28k

“Hungry for knot?” The alpha’s voice suited his image so well. The deep, borderline sensual octave made Louis shiver. It was laced with timbre and Louis couldn’t remember the last time someone had spoken with a voice like this to him. But wait… Did the alpha just ask him if he was “hungry for knot”? "Excuse me?" The omega could feel a hot flush underneath his skin.

All it took was a flat bike tire, confusing usernames, pumpkin flavored biscuits, a chaotically supportive dog and food deliveries at daybreak for Omega Louis to fall hard.

#my fic rec #trackinghome #trackinghappily #hltracks #hljournal #hlcreators #1dsource #1dficvillage #also... hello guess who got her blog backkkkk!!1 #happy 28th!! the last one of the year

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suntara · 3 years

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I will find you, Haruka

Haruka's room only lit by an email I sent her pink and covered in posters wind chime singing for the upcoming summer a tune with sorrow underlying like a literature analysis filled with historians lying lies, six feet under or under the warm duvets of an odd place called home . "Haruka oh Haruka did you read the email? I told you about how I completed my family by replacing myself with an orange fur and blue eyed cat and I don't know how to feel about that" was an email I wrote that day . Haruka cycles to school every day through lush parks and the city like gray eyes and black suits like crammed papers in briefcases gets to wear navy skirts and beige jackets bigger than arms Stretched thin to hold another A+ and another lashing fermented soy beans for breakfast, fermented the tips of fingers and turned them numb, as if it made a difference . "Haruka, you replied in the middle of the night Are you feeling okay?" an email with nothing more than a cute animation to make me smile and words placed carefully like a baby in a bassinet I don't ask why anymore, I told her "I know that your mind is haunted too we live such different lives yet we lie on each other you animate your escape and I write mine" . Haruka tells the world that her favorite season is the winter, despite her name meaning the relentless whines of cicadas red temples redder foxes and reddest blushes the flowers sweating in nectarine like waterfalls bending into tiny streams Haruka doesn't have a home, she lives in a house and the more she could run, fall into and Shrivel up like cherry blossoms the more she'd feel alive . I emailed Haruka, a month later, saying "Hey Haruka! I haven't heard from you in a while I know that it's summer there, and there is hope even if it is hidden in a locket we both have no homes, just houses how many tents will we have to pitch? with we burrow homes in each other?" . Haruka works in a convenience store With neon signs and the coolers bluer than empty redbull cans and half eaten ramen all tastes bitter, like delivered texts and a leather jacket left behind its every poem strung to be hopeful when things just don't end up that way there's something called a gray ending and between the lines of chips and cheese She's looking for it Haruka replied, "hey there! I think you know, that like a venn diagram, there is a place where we all meet and a place where we have to connect dots ourselves, if the moon, sun and you eclipsed would the world be shrouded in darkness or would it be blinding? will we find a home? I don't know you call yourself a lonely travellor who gives every home they see a sweet memory without having warmth yourself, and I? call myself the same, except the memories aren't always sweet, they're bitter like non-fiction" . Haruka lives in a tiny apartment in the middle of billboards and glamour the apartment is anything but though, there is no fighting, no room to argue dirty lingerie on the floor, a million women none are her mother, one man and wine she can't call him her father he is nothing but sawdust and misery in her dullening eyes, she describes summer as dandelions tasting like wine, it sounds so sophisticated but it will never be Haruka doesn't understand why she has to choose a path when all three roads meet at the end, and all three all cradle their own misery like babies with bottles . I told Haruka in return "If I, the moon and the sun eclipsed, we together would shine a little light inside your home and no where else would it be blinding? I don't think so but it will twinkle, I like the idea of that do you? memories aren't all sweet, even when they taste like honey i got a crappy microphone yesterday, I've decided to be my own audience in a universe I write and a universe I tell I bet the universe was just talked about one day and it formed like instructions for furniture step by step, slowly in fact, nebulas quivering memories taste like that, I think all of mine, no matter how sugary just taste like nothing, and it kills me would you make me a costume? Play my partner in crime?" . Haruka, Haruka? no cycle rode to school that day no one came to the apartment to mop the floor no one restocked the ice cream the road trip with no aesthetic other than nervousness and inner dread A girl with dark hair and a voice like Skipping stones over a hot spring wrapped in a baby pink blanket and grasped tightly by a million tubes she holds my hand, under a flickering a flickering green light she says . "I would like it to twinkle, I miss that dearly even if I don't live to see it I didn't choose to end so quick I regret it, I found my home in your heart and i hope that you did in mine I'd be your partner in crime anyday, and I know that in a million light years like a venn diagram, you will eclipse with the sun and moon and you'd find me a million light years away and you'll shine on me, I know so I'd animate us a happy ending and I know you want to write us one too but like every memory, it isn't meant for sweetness, it will never be they're bitter like non-fiction but at least reality tried to be on our side" . flatlined, tenth of January 2021 she isn't lost, she hasn't found home because I'm not there yet she isn't forgotten, her "father" reminisces every day, a solemn soliloquy in her idea of a gray ending he's behind gray bars and gray walls even rats don't give him company he really is alone I built my home in her and she did in mine our hearts uninhabited will drag behind us and I guess, that's the saddest part of it all . (I found home but I'll wait: I'll wait: I'll wait to reach her: because I know she can't reach out to me: till then I'll live in my own heart: write a million more poems: and hope to also be :found and remembered) . (Imagine living in your heart and it reminds you of someone else, over and over again) . (no ending of ours is happy, it's either white gray or black, which one is it? You tell me) .

aureatemoonshine

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chilling-seavey · 3 years

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Heartbreak Hotel (d.s.) - Chapter Nineteen

A/N This chapter’s song is the sweet I Want You, I Need You, I Love You by Elvis of course

Daniel didn’t know that girls – humans – could scream that loudly. The way Elvis moved and danced on stage had all the girls screaming at the top of their lungs and Daniel was sure he’d lose his hearing by the end of the night. Regardless, he was thoroughly enjoying himself and singing right along with Loretta and the rest of the crowd as Elvis played his show. Loretta was absolutely shining, clinging right onto the rope barrier and smiling up at the man on stage like he was God Himself. You best bet she was screaming too, especially when Elvis reached down to hold her hand for a brief moment and she absolutely lost it, turning to her right to where Daniel stood and she shook him by his shoulders, screaming in disbelief.

“Daniel, did you see that?!”

Her obvious glee just made Daniel smile. Maybe Christian was right; he seemed to enjoy her company more than the show itself. But it was close.

About halfway through there was an intermission and Daniel and Loretta headed to the back of the stage space to the concession stand to grab some snacks.

Daniel pulled out his wallet and the few dollar bills that his mother gave him, “What do you want to eat?”

“You’re paying for me?” Loretta asked.

“Of course.”

“What a gentleman.” Loretta giggled, linking her arm in his to shuffle closer as they waited in line.

Daniel’s heart skipped a beat and he smiled down to his hands as he tucked the folded bills in his palm.

“I’m really craving some popcorn.” Loretta whispered, skimming the menu set up over the small concession stand.

“Really? Me too.” Daniel smiled.

“If you get something different, we can share.”

“Sure…like what?”

“Anything but chocolate.”

Daniel looked back at her, “You don’t like chocolate?”

“I know it’s weird. But why do you think I drink strawberry milkshakes?” Loretta shrugged.

“It’s not weird. I don’t like chocolate either.” Daniel whispered.

She glanced over at him and they shared small shy smiles before stepping up to the counter to order. Loretta kept her arm linked in his until they had to carry their snacks and drinks to one of the tables along the side wall and they sat down together to eat their spread of popcorn, gummy candies, and two bottles of Coca-Cola. Loretta’s gaze lingered on Daniel as he ate quietly and watched the crowd bustle about the room as intermission was about to end. He didn’t notice her staring as he popped a candy in his mouth.

They didn’t speak for a moment as the lights flicked to alert the crowd that the concert was to continue in a few moments; they each seemed in their own minds for a moment. Daniel could taste the mix of salty popcorn and sweetness of the candy with each bite, the flavours lining up perfectly to Loretta’s snacking. He suddenly didn’t feel like jamming out to Elvis anymore. His heart kind of hurt. He set his pop bottle back on the table and wiped his hands on his trousers with a sigh.

“Are you alright?” Loretta asked him, sensing his change in demeanor.

He pulled a small smile in her direction, “Yeah.”

Loretta paused her chewing for a moment to stare disbelieving at him but then turned back to the stage when Elvis returned to continue the show. He talked to the crowd a little bit and the girls that were right at the front were screaming and reaching for him, nearly fainting when he touched their hands.

Neither Loretta nor Daniel made a move to join the audience by the stage, both looking in different directions and obviously bluer than when the evening started and neither could quite place why.

“Alright, we’ll get right back into the music since that’s what you’re all here for.” Elvis said, his soft southern accent making all the girls swoon. “We’re gonna slow it down a little so everyone grab your honeys and let’s show some love.”

The band began to play slowly, the steady tune of ‘I Want You, I Need You, I Love You’ and Elvis’ smooth voice filled the small auditorium. The couples found each other around the dancefloor and swayed slowly together to the soft music; Daniel and Loretta being the only two sitting alone. Daniel watched the man on stage sing deeply, catching his eyes from across the room and just as quickly, their stare was broken.

Daniel stood up, suddenly filled with a strange shot of determination and he turned to Loretta, holding out his hand to her, “Would you like to dance?”

Her flat face lifted into a smile and she nodded, setting her hand in his as she stood up and he led her to the dancefloor. Daniel turned to face her, hesitantly setting his hands on her waist as hers rested against his shoulders, plenty of space between them.

“Every time that you're near

All my cares disappear

Darling, you're all that I'm living for

I want you, I need you, I love you

More and more”

It was as if Daniel couldn’t stop looking at her even if he tried, her green eyes sparkling in the spotlights of the stage and her light freckles that dotted her nose only kept him staring as if trying to memorize each one. He felt so warm with her and her hands on his shoulders nearly made his knees weak as they swayed softly to the gentle music, his hands merely ghosting her waist as if afraid to touch her.

“I thought I could live without romance

Until you came to me

But now I know that

I will go on loving you eternally”

Loretta shifted to hold her wrist behind his neck comfortably, pulling him a step closer and his hands glided tighter around her waist over the material of her lacy dress. Their eyes were still locked, unbreakable gazes, as if they were trying to read each other in perfect silence. Daniel’s body was urging him to pull her even closer and he fought the natural desire to tug her close, trying to simply picture Corbyn’s raised fist in front of his face instead. He was already pushing his luck dancing with her. The song certainly didn’t help and Daniel’s heart was racing in his chest until he felt like he might completely burst.

“Won't you please be my own?

Never leave me alone

'Cause I die every time we're apart

I want you, I need you, I love you

With all my heart”

Neither of them knew how it happened – maybe they were too distracted by the music – but soon they were nearly chest to chest; so close their noses were almost brushing as they stared silently, expressionlessly at each other. Loretta was a few inches shorter but not by much and she was staring up at him like she didn’t want to look at anything else for the rest of her life. Or at least that’s what Daniel felt like but maybe it was his own subconscious desires he was yearning to make a reality through any excuse he could reach for.

But she was beautiful. And he couldn’t deny the honest magnetization he felt towards her in the most innocent and literal way; he just couldn’t stay away from her. Corbyn’s threats meant nothing in that moment. Nothing at all.

“I thought I could live without romance

Until you came to me

But now I know that

I will go on loving you eternally

You please be my own?

Never leave me alone

'Cause I die every time we're apart

I want you, I need you, I love you

With all my heart.”

#🍓#soulmate au #daniel seavey #why dont we #corbyn besson #jack avery #jonah marais #wdw #zach herron #why dont we fanfic #daniel seavey fanfic #au #1950s

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autistic-bee-blog · 7 years

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Things I didn't know are related to me being Autistic until I got older:

-Sensory processing issues that affect personal hygiene, clothing, and appearance:

.My sister hates having her hair brushed, because it hurts her scalp

.I used to go without brushing my teeth because I couldn't stand the sensation

.I couldn't wear jeans as a kid without screaming and being sent into a meltdown

.I have to keep my hair short because I can't stand the feeling on the back of my neck

.My sister has to wash her hair and body over and over to calm down/regulate her sensory issues

-Unusual posture or gait:

.Can look like limping, and did raise comments from my parents ('why are you walking on the outsides of your shoes?' 'I didn't realize I was?')

.Sometimes I have balance issues when I am barefoot, or I feel like I'm walking unevenly because the soles of my feet feel too light

.In terms of posture, I am very rigid and stiff, and I sit and stand very straight (part of this is due to my chronic back pain), and I often look into the distance or up at the ceiling. I might be described as aloof, distracted, pensive, or worried, but it isn't necessarily true. It's just how I sit!

.(My sister is the complete opposite: she hunches over whatever she's doing or looks at her hands.)

-Problems with figurative language (not JUST sarcasm, ughhhh):

.I always had trouble with idioms. Think "The grass is always greener on the other side" (I'm like, "Well, I don't know about greener but technically atmospheric perspective says that the farther in the distance an object is, the bluer it becomes"). Or "You want to have your cake and eat it too" ("Yes, because what would I do with an entire cake if I'm not going to eat it?" This is a ridiculous expression, and I'm never going to change my mind about it.)

.I do have problems with sarcasm sometimes, but that's gotten better as I've aged, and a lot of it has to do with how well I know the person speaking, or if I can read their facial expressions/body language.

-Spatial awareness disabilities, dyslexia, and dyscalculia all have a high comorbid rate with ASD:

.I got nailed with the spatial awareness/visual processing disability and dyscalculia.

.To understand the spatial awareness disability and its extent into my daily life, imagine you are a 4 year old in a bowling alley and you are bowling for the first time. You get a 13-pound ball, and there are no bumpers, and no slide to maneuver the ball with and help aim. Now you have to try and get a strike. For me, the whole world is a bowling alley and tHERE ARE NO BUMPERS

.(I also don't drive largely because of this and limited time in my life at the moment, though I do plan on learning in case it does become necessary.)

.Dyscalculia is sort of like dyslexia, but with numbers and mathematical expressions (it is a thing. It exists, and I didn't know until I was taking pre-calc as a junior in high school and my mom told me about it.)

.For me, it is aggravated by glowing screens and I have a much harder time reading if it is online (which sucks, because now they're putting all the testing and homework online and so me and every other person dealing with this is just internally screaming.) I switch numbers around, delete numbers, and have problems reading graphs (trigonometry was a friggin treat, let me tell you)

.My sister has no spatial awareness issues (as she has demonstrated with her coordination, proclivity for geometric puzzles, Minecraft and other video games that require a certain extent of awareness of what is around you and what will happen if you move this here, etc) She does seem to have some issues with reading and switching letters around and skipping lines, but I don't know if she was ever diagnosed with dyslexia or dyscalculia.

-Poor handwriting, coordination, interpretation of directions:

.My handwriting is....improved from the fifth grade lol.

.It's crooked and sometimes I write outside the margins without meaning to, and some of my letters look like other letters.

.When I was a kid, I had such problems even HOLDING a pencil that they let me type all of my assignments.

.In my American Literature class, the girl next to me was watching me write and she said that I don't slant my pencil, I hold it straight up-down, which seemed to interest her and the teacher. I shrugged it off, but that's part of my handwriting/coordination stuff.

.I am clumsy: I've had trouble opening my pill bottles, drinking beverages without spilling them on myself, and reaching to grab stuff at a distance. It's not very noticeable, and it doesn't really interfere with anything in my daily life.

.I do have trouble with bigger things, like dancing or running, and I had a waiver for my physical education classes as a child for those reasons.

.Interpretation of directions kind of relates to the spatial awareness issues, and it is awful.

.I had a friend try to drive me home once and she ended up being an hour late for dinner with her family. I was so horrified and I avoid accepting rides from anyone that doesn't already know about my issues.

.When I was a kid, I had trouble tying my shoelaces and putting on shoes because I couldn't tell the difference between left and right. That went on until I was 7 or 8, I think.

Anxiety, feeling tired all of the time, and shutdowns:

.I also have an anxiety disorder along with being Autistic, and they "feed" off of each other. So I might already be having trouble speaking or I might be experiencing sensory issues, but then my anxiety will piggyback on those issues and I'll obsess over them until I'm even more stressed out.

.I've had anxiety attacks, panic attacks, and meltdowns, and it can be difficult to tell the difference between them many times. Sometimes a meltdown will evolve into an anxiety attack, or vice versa.

.Due to sensory processing issues, anxiety, other mental health stuff, and the effort it takes to even go about my daily life, and occasionally pass as neurotypical, I do feel tired all the time. I don't really sleep more than average though, and I also deal with insomnia, so my average time sleeping can be from 4-8 hours.

.During a shutdown, I can dissociate, go partially nonverbal, or nonverbal. I will stare into the distance, or at my hands, and feel completely numb. It is a horrible feeling. I don't know how else to describe it.

.I also have problems with trauma-related responses, so those can also add to shutdowns, or mimic shutdowns.

.(People have also pointed out that PTSD can have symptoms that can look like ASD, and vice versa. Think: exaggerated startle response, shutdowns and dissociation, stiff or upright posture, etc. Also there are Autistic people who unfortunately also have PTSD, especially from abuse or bullying which can be related to the bigotry against their Autism and cruel treatment of them by peers, therapists, teachers, parents, and caregivers.)

Auditory processing issues:

.This is so extensive, I can't even put it all down.

.When listening to other people, music, or television, sometimes words begin to sound like SOUNDS and not words. Other times, I can't keep up with processing individual sentences or words and my brain will just blank. Other times, I might think a person said one thing, when they really said a word that sounded similar.

.I ask people to repeat themselves, several times, especially if I don't know them well (I am less likely to be looking at their face/mouth if that is the case too).

.I also watch videos and movies with subtitles.

.My hearing itself is fine, it is only related to my brain processing the words and sounds. The same way my eyes themselves are fine, but I have trouble interpreting directions, sizes, and distances due to the spatial awareness disability.

Synesthesia, perfect pitch, and positive sensory experiences:

.My mom's side of the family is very musical, and so is my younger sister (also on the spectrum). She has perfect pitch, and so does my mother (likely undiagnosed due to limited knowledge of Autism when she was growing up, and due to sexism in the medical and mental health fields)

.We all experience sensory issues, which can be negative, but we also all experience good sensory inputs that other people do not always detect.

.For example, we all experience synesthesia, in different ways. In music, I associate certain notes and pitches with colours, or words. I might hear a song and associate it with the colour turquoise, or I might here a chord and associate it with being "bitter" or poison green.

.My sister and I like to describe the pictures we see listening to music, and it's always funny when one of us says something and then the other goes "Exactly! That's what I was seeing/hearing too!"

.My mom associates certain notes and songs with colours, but she also does so with days of the week, and with people.

.I'm not as musically adept as my mother and sister, but I am into visual arts such as painting, sketching, and sculpting.

.I like to do things in black and white, and then try to "balance" multiple pictures to form a larger piece. I can step back and see blankness, and see what needs to go where to make it feel "complete."

.I also use a lot of colours in some pieces, and I'm very good at discerning multiple shades in one section, even when they are very similar pigments

.My proportions are interesting in that I draw things more elongated than they are, and I might size different things bigger or smaller than they are in real life when I am copying something. I've had art teachers comment on it, and they, interestingly, were always the ones most interested in hearing about my spatial awareness and Autism.

Those are just some of the things I thought I should share. I'm curious to see if any other Autistic people have similar experiences to share (feel free to do so!) As always, this is from my perspective, so every single thing might not ring true for every single person on the spectrum. I hope this is of some use, or at least relatable to other Autistic people, or maybe even insightful for anyone wondering if they might be Autistic.

#actually autistic #just some stuff I experience

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