#so don’t take it too seriously or to heart to as canon or whatever ! this is how i somewhat envision lily tho it’s kinda messy rn

[st-eve-barnes]

Romeo is bleeding

(Felix Catton x fem Reader)

Summary: Felix feels heartbroken over Oliver and chooses you to distract him

Word count: +1800

Warning: 18+ for explicit language and content, oral sex (fem receiving), p in v sex. ANGST, comfort, but more ANGST.

Seriously, this is a pretty sad one. I tried to take some things from canon and I've basically killed myself with all the foreshadowing, I just couldn't stop.

This is my first time writing Felix so go easy on me and please let me know if you liked it!

***

All my fics are also on AO3

If you love my writing you can Buy me a KoFi or feed me with a lovely comment ;)

***

You had stumbled into the maze after one too many drinks that night when you found Felix. His tall frame leaned against the statue, lips wrapped around the bottle that was half empty by now, sipping more of whatever was in there to numb his feelings.

His head was down, shoulders slumped but even like this he was still taller than anyone else. And more beautiful. He looked like God’s most perfect fallen angel with those wings and your lips curled up into an involuntary smile at the sight of him. You made your way over, the liquor in your own veins giving you the confidence you usually lacked.

He smiled back when he noticed you,”You lost, little bird?”

“Are you?” you teased, earning you another smile from him. 

That ever present smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes tonight. You had noticed it earlier upon seeing him on the dance floor as well, he was trying very hard to keep up the facade but here, behind the dark enclosures of the maze, it all fell apart.

“I might very well be,” he answered with a heavy sigh, rubbing his bloodshot eyes.

You dared to step closer, enough to properly look at him but he didn’t reciprocate, his gaze avoiding yours, thoughts a million miles away it seemed.

“You alright?” you checked.

He took another long sip from the bottle before placing it on the statue behind him. ”Sure,” he then smiled, a little more convincing than before, but still a lie.”Right as rain,” he finally looked back at you, holding your gaze,”How are you, sweet Y/N?”

“I’m good,” you nodded, biting your lip before you spoke the next words,”I can leave…if you want to…you know…be alone to sulk over Oliver.”

He rolled his eyes but his lips quirked up into a grin,”Am I that obvious?”

“You both are,” you confessed with what you hoped was a warm, compassionate smile,”I’ll just go and leave you to your booze and…”

Before you could step back his hand wrapped around your wrist, gently, holding you in place. 

“No,” he spoke.

“No?” you teased, unable to stop yourself from smiling and leaning into his touch, willing him to pull you even closer. 

You always wanted to be closer to him.

“No,” he repeated in a whisper and then his lips were on yours in a soft, slow kiss and your heart nearly burst out of your chest. Your hands made their way into his neck, reciprocating his kiss, melting into him, bodies pressed up together, his tongue finding yours to deepen the kiss and steal your last coherent thought.

How you loved him, and probably always had. Your beautiful, sweet Felix. That gorgeous, friendly giant who befriended you when no one else would.

Maybe he really did have a thing for lost causes.

Felix sighed into the kiss, a satisfied smirk on his lips at all the desperate, little noises you made. His hands moved down to your waist and he spun you both around, placing your back against the statue, his lips now on your neck, sloppy wet kisses making their way down to your bare shoulders.

Your hands grabbed at his shirt, pulling it out of his jeans so you could feel his toned skin under your fingertips.

“Felix,” you breathed.

He kissed his way back up to your ear, breath heavy when he whispered,”If you want this to stop, now would be a good time to leave.”

“I don’t want to leave,” you wrapped both arms around him and kissed his mouth again.

Felix laughed into the kiss, his hands pushing up your dress and then he broke the kiss to kneel down in front of you, pulling your panties down to your ankles. You quickly stepped out of them and he used the opportunity to grab your leg and place it over his shoulder.

You gasped out loud when his tongue started lapping at your clit. You braced yourself against the statue behind you while your other hand covered your mouth to keep yourself from crying out so loud they would hear you far beyond the walls of the maze and Saltburn. 

Felix didn’t waste any time, eating you out as if you were a dying man’s last meal, sucking and licking you to completion embarrassingly quickly.

The feel of his wet tongue invading your walls and his nose pressing up deliciously against your clit had you seeing stars and far beyond. You came with his name on your lips, legs shaking around him as he held you down and licked you through every last tremor.

Your legs were still unsteady when he finally released you and stood up, towering over you again. His mouth found yours in an all consuming kiss where you tasted yourself all over him, intoxicating you even further. You fumbled with his belt, desperate to get him out of his pants and into your aching wet heat. Felix was laughing into the kiss again.

“Aren’t you an eager little thing?” he teased, slapping your hand away and taking over, unbuckling his belt and pushing his pants down to free his cock. He was hard already, leaking at the tip and when your hand wrapped around his base the most filthy moan known to men left his beautiful lips, making you even more desperate for him.

Your leg was pulled up again, around his waist now and without further warning he was finally inside of you.

And it was better than you had ever imagined. 

Being with Felix was always like that, he was sunshine and rainbows in a world filled with grey. Everyone wanted to be in his light. You were no different. Ever since the first time he smiled at you on that warm sunny day at the university. 

You felt lucky to bask in his glow, even if it was just every now and then. Even if it was just once. It was a privilege, one you were sure you didn’t deserve.

He was patient at first, eyes searching yours to hold eye contact while he fucked you so sweetly and slowly, your back gently pushing up against the statue with every thrust.

“Hold onto me,” he breathed against your lips and you didn’t hesitate, wrapping both arms around him to cling to his shoulders as he took up the pace, one hand moving down to your ass to hold you in place so he could fuck you deeper.

“Yeah, just like that,” he moaned and kissed your neck again.

Your quiet, little whimpers seemed to spur him on. Your nails sank into his skin when he started breathing heavily with you, every snap of his hips pushing you closer towards that edge again and having him right there with you felt almost surreal, like something magical and out of this world. 

Deep in this enclosure of the maze, away from the real world, Felix lifted you to higher grounds again.

“You close, sweetheart?” he breathed into your ear.

You had no more words left, only whimpers and a quick, firm nod as you bit down on your lip, hard enough to draw blood.

His hand sank in between your legs to find your clit again, making you crash hard, walls clenching around him over and over, desperate to keep him right there but also powerless to stop the inevitable end.

Felix pulled out and quickly jerked himself off, he only needed two seconds to spurt his hot cum all over your stomach and legs. His body slumped against yours, his head falling on your shoulders with a quiet, long grunt.

Your arms wrapped around him, holding him in your hug and he didn’t pull away. It took him a moment but then he returned your affection, pulling you deep into his arms to hug you back.

“Thanks,” he breathed into your ear,”I needed that.”

“Yeah, me too,” you confessed with a quiet giggle.

He leaned back to look at you after a while, giving you a lopsided little grin when he noticed the evidence of his peak running down your legs.

”Messed you up, didn’t I?”

“It’s okay,” you shook your head with a smile.

“Here,” he took off his shirt and used it to wipe you clean. When he was done he handed the shirt to you and leaned in to place another soft, sweet kiss on your lips.

”Can you make your way out of here alright?” he then asked.

It was his polite way of saying “You can go now, we're done here” and you didn’t even have it in you to object.

“Can you?” you teased then, putting another smile on his face, making it impossible for you not to lean in and steal another kiss. One he willingly granted. 

“No more sulking tonight, alright?” you tried to cheer him up, give him back a little bit of the light he so often shared with you. “You are loved,” you added softly,”You know that, right? You are so loved, Felix. Catton.”

Your words made him lean in and press a soft lingering kiss to your forehead.

"Thank you," he breathed, eyes closing in a heavy sigh as they got teary again.

You wanted to stay and comfort him, keep him right here in your arms and give him everything he could possibly ask of you.

But you knew you were not what he needed. And when he reached for the bottle again you knew there was nothing left for you to do but leave. Leave him to his heartbreak and his despair.

With a heavy heart you let go of him and stepped back. You hadn’t even fully turned your back to him yet when Felix gave into his tears.

You passed by Oliver on your way out of the maze. His intense, creepy stare made every hair on your arms stand up. His eyes weren’t even looking at you, they were only looking at your shirt, Felix’s shirt, which you wore with pride now. Having something of him to physically hold onto made your heart feel a little less lonely, but the blunt anger and jealousy in Oliver’s eyes made you feel uneasy to the point you wanted to take it off. Like you took something that didn’t belong to you.

There was something not right about that boy and the worst thing was Felix couldn’t see it. Or maybe he could but it was too late for him to turn his back on it.

Infatuation, desire, love, it has the power to crawl under your skin and settle itself deep into your veins until you have no choice but to bleed out. Felix was already poisoned. You couldn’t save him, nobody could.

It was only a matter of time before Oliver would become his downfall.

#felix catton x reader #felix catton smut #felix catton x you #saltburn fanfiction #oliver quick fanfiction #jacob elordi fanfic

[wynnyfryd]

Trailer park Steve AU part 58

part 1 | part 57 | ao3

@steddie-island said i wasn't allowed to cut this lol. cw: angst, canon typical horror, mentions of minor character death

“Lucas called me a ghost today.”

Steve almost laughs, bitter and sharp. Sure. Why not? What’s one more ghost in his passenger seat?

He doesn't really want to talk to her right now, if he's honest. It's been fifteen minutes and she still hasn't apologized for trying to rob him, or explained where they're going, or what spooked her, or why this car ride was so urgent that he had to risk his job for it — a job he actually needs, considering his, well, everything. She's hardly said anything beyond the occasional "turn here" or "next left" while sulking with her forehead pressed against the window.

But he can tell she has something she needs to get off her chest, so he swallows his annoyance and offers, "Yeah?"

"Yeah," she says back. Doesn't elaborate.

He gives her another minute to gather her words, watches her open and close her mouth a few times in his periphery, but nothing comes out. She scoffs at herself and abruptly changes the subject. “Eddie was being extra… well, extra today.”

“Was he?” Steve asks, his bones itching under his skin. He doesn't want to talk about Eddie. Doesn't want to think his name.

“Yeah, he, uh- he was kinda manic? He was, like, running all over the cafeteria and starting shit with Jason Carver...” And he's only half-listening, anger simmering as she goes on and on, because she promised that Dustin didn't put her up to this. Said that this wasn't some bullshit excuse to get him to talk about Eddie or hang out with Eddie or think about Eddie or kiss and make up with fucking Eddie, and now she's just talking about him, and it-

And it hurts; god, it still just hurts—

"....Then he started rambling about how he can’t wait to get the hell out of here when he graduates.”

Searing-stabbing-burning-sharp. Steve clutches at the flare of pain in his chest, the crushed soda-can feeling where his heart's supposed to be. His head pounds. He follows her next direction onto a winding, tree-lined road, the canopy suffocating overhead, and his skin feels too dry — too tight, too small, shrink-wrapping him inside of it, because he knows where they are now. Knows the tilt of the rusted lamp shade, the shape of the weather brick paths. He's tasted the metal tang of this stop sign in his nightmares.

Fuck. Fuck.

"Cool," he grits out as he drives through the cemetery gates. Past stone and wrought iron, past the empty central fountain. He hasn't been here since July. “Good for him.”

“Steve-"

“Why are you telling me this?" he snaps. He throws the car in park under an old oak and turns to glare at her, barking a frustrated, "Huh?"

Immediately, he feels bad for raising his voice. Feels even worse for the way she flinches away. The naked fear on her face, her hand reaching for the door. He takes a long, deep breath and lets it out slowly through his nose. “Sorry. Sorry. Just-" There's a leak inside him somewhere; some infected, gaping hole, and his stupid heart keeps pumping all his blood into the wound. "Why are you-?”

“Look,” she says sharply, "I know it sucks. To talk about him." She's staring at the rows of headstones up ahead, her face gone steely with determination, her shoulders squared, her big eyes wide and a little wet when she turns to meet his gaze. “But whatever you were— whatever happened, it just… it really messed him up.”

Good. "You sound like Dustin."

"Maybe Dustin had a point."

"Since when?"

She throws her hands up, nostrils flaring. "I'm trying to tell you that I think he still cares!"

“Yeah? He’s got a seriously fucked up way of showing it if so!”

“Yeah, well some of us don’t know how to show it!”

And oh.

Oh.

Silence blankets them like dust. Eyes locked; harsh breaths. This has nothing to do with him and Eddie, does it?

Lucas called me a ghost.

Steve sighs and slumps forward, his forearms on the wheel, his chin resting on his wrist. The late afternoon sun is warm through the glass, and his head gives another nasty throb as he looks out over the hill, at the polished stones glinting in the golden hour rays.

His dad is buried here.

A lot of people are.

“Hey,” he murmurs, rolling his neck to look at her. The skin under her eyes is red. "Sorry for yelling."

She sniffs quietly. "Me, too."

He reaches over and gives her hand a quick squeeze, keeping his voice low and gentle. "You know you can just talk to me, right? Max, talk to me. Please.”

Her bottom lip quivers. “It’s nothing, okay?” She sinks down in her seat, crossing her arms to shield herself. “Shit’s just been… it’s just been weird all week. Like- like bad weird, and I don't know if I'm just going crazy, or— I mean, maybe Ms. Kelley's right, maybe's it's just— but it feels like…”

"Like what?"

She holds a hand out flat in front of her; flips her wrist over slowly so her palm faces the sky.

Steve's blood runs cold. He thinks of his own nightmares: the weird visions, the headaches, the persistent haunted feeling.

"I don't know anything for sure," she insists, rushing to reassure him before he can fully start to panic. "Seriously, don't freak out; I haven't, like, seen any gates or anything, it's just— bad dreams. Nose bleeds. I don't know." She hoists her backpack onto her shoulder. "I thought coming here might help."

He catches her by the arm, raking his eyes over her face, looking for any signs of danger. "Is there anything I can do?"

She shakes her head no and tugs free of his grip, and then she's slipping out of the car, letting the door fall shut behind her, and Steve watches her crest the hill while sirens wail inside his head.

—

part 59

tag list in separate reblogs under '#trailer park steve au taglist' if you'd like to filter that content. if you want to be added please comment and let me know (must be over 21; please either verify in the comment or have your age visible on your blog)

#trailer park steve au #steddie #steddie fic #steve harrington #eddie munson #max mayfield #my writing #my fic #i rewrote this 42 goddamn times #also i promise reunion is still coming #max had a lot to say apparently lol

[hey-august]

Dadbod Buggy is so good and my personal hc (because how on earth would he pull off a sixpack? I’m not even calling him weak or unfit I just really feel a pirate that’s a tad more on the lazy side and has an affinity for food and drinks would at least not have a SIXPACK I don’t CARE what canon says) so please imagine with me:

Dadbod Buggy wearing something like a a girdle or other shapewear to keep his outline a tad smoother. He feels he looks more respectable with it and it also helps him get back into place correctly after using his powers and HES NOT SELF CONCIOUS ABOUT YET ANOTHER THING ABOUT HIMSELF SHUT UP!!

Imagine him getting someone into bed and being nervous because for all his showboating and boisterous behavior he didn’t think about what to do when the clothes would finally have to come OFF. Tries to dim the lights and hope he can maybe suck it in for long enough but of course his bedfellow notices and… are just completly smitten? Swooning even? It’s not a turn off at all? What- OH OKAY SLOW DOWN SLOW DOWN THERES ENOUGH OF HIM TO LAST THE WHOLE NIGHT GEESH!! Bedmate is in heaven. Actual pirate heaven, where god has blessed them with a man with long hair and thick lashes and even thicker tights, paired with a belly that has just the right amount of jiggle when you ride him like a rodeobull.

Also now got blessed with the mental image of Buggy’s stomach resting slightly on someone’s ass while he fumbles with his belt so he can take of his pants and rail them from behind. hmmmmm fat men ❤️

ANON. ANON HOW COULD YOU. Let me tell you how I needed DAYS to recover from reading this. The way I had to put my phone down while reading this the first time. KICKING MY LEGS AND GIGGLING each time I re-read it!! so blessed 😩🫠❤️❤️❤️

BIG YES to dadbod buggy. To chubby squishy clown man. To rolls I want to smother in butter.

He absolutely would try to hide his insecurities wear functionable accessories. The leather belt corset-looking thing he wears in OPLA seems like the exact thing he’d wear to keep shape. This also works with his whole flashy outfit. Anything to distract from…whatever. Let’s not talk about it. It’s not a big deal.

Until it is a big deal and he has to be vulnerable. Ew. Awful. But you’re right, this is not a turn off. Buggy’s not sure how things turned out the way they did, but the absolute mind-blowing enthusiasm from his partner seems way too sincere and real. They can’t keep their hands (and mouth) off of him. 

He didn't expect all the attention - hands running everywhere on his body, squeezing his thighs, groping his ass and trying to get the biggest handfuls of that sweet sweet plumpness, kisses squished into every soft mound - but his partner is loving it. They’re absolutely feral.

They’re begging to suck him off and be smothered between his legs. For real. Seriously. Buggy better wrap his legs around their head. Push them so far down that their face is pressed against his stomach. They want to feel him everywhere. How dare Buggy try and deny them this pleasure????

Buggy still feels unsure the next day. The horniness is gone and so is the attraction, right? NOPE. TIME FOR SQUISHY CUDDLES. BIG BEAR HUGS. The attraction is NOT GONE. They want to rest their head on his stomach. Not his chest, not his shoulder, but his goddamn stomach. It’s the best pillow and they drift off into twilight so fast.

The hugs. Buggy didn’t get it at first...he still doesn’t, actually, but he’ll put up with it. It makes his heart pitter patter when they come up and wrap their arms around him from behind, squeezing into his rotund tum until he grunts and groans from how tight the hug his. Sometimes they sneak a handful and a jiggle of his tits pecs. His pecs.

Finally, slowly, he starts to accept this about himself a little more. It started with wearing pants and no shirt around his partner, despite his stomach hanging over the waistband. Any time Buggy was unsure about how he looked, his partner would be so supportive. They’d hear him out and give Buggy whatever he needed, which was usually a mountain of compliments that quickly turned into flirting and dirty raunchy sex.

Now listen. Imagine with me...convincing Buggs to have a little beach day. No swimming, obviously. But to hang out under the palm trees and soak in the sun. And this motherfucker shows up like a hotshot. Blue hair in a ponytail. Sunglasses. And he’s in shorts. They show so much of his goddamn thighs. You're looking so respectfully. How could you not?? He’s also wearing an unbuttoned shirt. And holy shit, the way it flutters in the breeze. You can see the chest hair on his beautiful pecs and dusting down his tummy. That gorgeous squishy body.

Fucking beach day.

#buggy headcanons #buggy x reader #x reader #buggy smut #buggy the clown #buggy the clown x reader #buggy the clown headcanons #buggy x you #buggy op #opla buggy #one piece buggy #gender neutral reader

[flowery-language]

𓆩♡𓆪 STAY AWAY. Loser! Ellie Williams headcanons

a/n : I am struggling to start writing and stop procrastinating on writing the series I am working on so have some quick Ellie head canons while you wait also loser!Ellie is just regular Ellie and y’all aren’t ready for that conversation also it isn’t much sorry I’ve been struggling with procrastinating on writing got to put something out for the mean time

Inspired by seriously go read theirs @cowgirlcherrie and my one of my close friends mannerisms

Warnings/content: 18+ mentions of sex mostly fluff and also Ellie is a loser and cursing fingering!receiving masturbating and mentions of face riding

ੈ✩‧₊˚ you met loser!Ellie in Highschool and you bonded your intense overwhelming hatred for the people at your school over how much you hated everyone else here and that your the only person she could tolerate

“Everyone here are fucking npc’s with no capacity for thinking for themselves”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ Loser!Ellie definitely owns a women love me fish fear me shirt that she started wearing ironically until it wasn’t anymore

ੈ✩‧₊˚ she always had to make jokes about her nonexistent dick much to your annoyance she has the humor of twelve year old boy

“How about you suck 15 inch cock”

“You don’t have one” you exclaimed

“Fuck you mean women literally beg me to see it”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ loser!Ellie unironically loves family guy and American guy and and fucking loves Rick and Morty and Bojack horseman

“I know I am a lesbian but I would fuck rick Sanchez no questions asked”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ you and loser!Ellie bonded over your intense overwhelming hatred for chase Atlantic

“They sound like they are fucking singing in cursive”

“I know right thank you someone gets it”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ loser!ellie has the music taste of someone’s father and she is very unapologetic about it she listens to Radiohead, nirvana, slipknot, the cure and the Beatles. etc

“ you should listen to the cure”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ loser!Ellie got into an argument once with you because you said you liked Saturn more than Jupiter

“Jupiter or Saturn pick one”

“Uh—Saturn”

“Jupiter is fucking better”

“No it’s not I like Saturn better”

“You only like Saturn because it’s fucking pretty”

“No I don’t”

“Yes you fucking do”

“Whatever”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ loser!Ellie cannot flirt with women for shit she just infodumps to them and hopes her info would get them to like her and wanna be with her and she is lucky that she is attractive enough to pull it off

ੈ✩‧₊˚ when loser!Ellie started to develop a crush on you she would do favours and constantly try to impress you she once took you to skater park to show you the tricks she was learning she ended up falling flat on her face because she was too busy staring into your eyes and she had the biggest blush on her face when you laughed at her for it.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ By the time Loser!Ellie developed feelings for you she would go above and beyond because suddenly the concept of helping others was completely uninteresting until it was you you got your heart shattered by another girl and all she could think of is that she would never treat you that way ever.

“It’s just that I wished that she didn’t string me along for a month and actually rejected me instead of telling me she liked me back when she didn’t”

“I swear when I see that fucker in my line of vision it won’t be pretty you deserve better than her anyway you were out of her league”

“Honestly I am starting to think maybe it’s because I am not attractive enough for girls to want me”

“Don’t fucking say that you were out of her league you will find someone who treats you so good ”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ loser!Ellie always wants you to try smoking weed with her even though you very much didn’t like taking drugs or being high it’s mostly because you make her so nervous and if she was high with you she could maybe try to flirt with you without fumbling her words and not looking you in the eye.

“Come on try it for me it feels really good I promise”

“Yeah no thanks Ellie”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ she knew that she couldn’t keep this to herself anymore she wanted you and Every time you tried to date someone else it made her genuinely sick to her stomach.

“ oh fuck saying this shit isn’t easy but I gotta say it I like you okay I really really do”

“Your fucking with me right now if your joking Ellie it’s not funny”

“I am not joking I fucking do okay”

“Wait your not”

“Of course I am not”

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ NSFW section

ੈ✩‧₊˚ you are always the first person she thinks of when she gets high late at night she has to resist the urge to call you over her hand in her boxers.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ Loser!Ellie has a happy trail.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ she loves it when you ride her face and not just hovering she wants you to sit on it at first you were really nervous and insecure but she was a having the time of her life and Everytime you do hover she would beg you sit properly

“Babe please just sit stop fucking hovering”

ੈ✩‧₊˚she loves it when you ride her thighs she loves the sensory experience of you riding it and when you ride her fingers she always wishes to be inside you and feel it when you ride it

ੈ✩‧₊˚ she is obsessed with you wearing her clothes especially her boxers she loves giving them to you

“You’re gonna run out of boxers to wear if you keep this up”

“I don’t fucking care”

ੈ✩‧₊˚ she loves you to death and will not hesitate to show it off she always loves mentioning you much to literally everyone’s annoyance.

“My girl is getting a PHD is so smart”

“This reminds me my girlfriend really loves these flowers I gotta get them”

#ellie smut #ellie the last of us #ellie x fem reader #ellie x reader #ellie x you #ellie willams x reader #ellie x y/n #ellie williams #ellie tlou

[cityzenshark]

Terran Mirage with Malto Terrans -- Thrash

1 - Hashtag | 2 - Twitch | 3 - Jawbreaker | 4 - Nightshade | 5 - Thrash

(disclaimer: this is a fanfic, don't take it seriously with the canon)

Thrash tried to like Mirage Diaz. He really did. But ever since he came, his siblings constantly spend their time with their guest over their big bother. Even Mo. Robby shares his dismay and the two watch their siblings enjoying the presence of the non-Malto Terran in disdain.

“How lucky is this guy?” Thrash wondered upon hearing that Mirage could attend school and go about in his village without needing to hide.

“How hopeless is he?” thought Thrash to himself when Mirage informed that had no Cybertronian mentor nor any combat skills to protect himself and his village and family.

“No wonder he got captured.” Thrash muttered loud enough for Mirage to hear. His parents gave him a pointed look, Twitch elbowed him in the side, Mo and his younger siblings look at him weirdly. But Robby agreed with him. The elder brothers later got a scolding lecture from their parents.

Thrash’s disdain towards Mirage worsened after Nightshade trusted a Decepticon who nearly wipe their parents’ memories. Before the Decepticon named Tarantulas left, he pulled Mirage aside to talk privately. Thrash felt he needed to listen in; Hashtag joined him. Tarantulas showed a holographic picture of a Cybertronian who looked so alike to Mirage.

“This is Autobot Mirage of Iacon.” Tarantulas told the non-Malto Terran. “He went missing years before the final battle for the Allspark. He had info of a Decepticon team possessing a sun destroyer, but his comrades didn’t believe him and assumed he had betrayed them because he returned without his commander.”

Thrash did not stay long enough to hear the full story. Hashtag did and tried to convince her big brother that whatever he believed about Mirage was wrong. Alas, Thrash’s distrust had solidified. Mirage was no Terran. He was not one of them.

After a mind-controlled Mirage had hurt his siblings that night in Philadelphia, they frustratingly still didn’t take Thrash’s side except Robby. The older brothers were glad he was gone but they received angry, disappointed scoldings from their parents who were told of the incident by a shaken Mo and Hashtag. Dorothy and the girls went out to search for their guest while the rest stayed home with Alex, grounded.

It took a few heart-to-heart conversations with his siblings and father for Thrash to realize he may have been too harsh on Mirage yet the distrust remained. When Mirage was reunited with his family and followed them to New York, Thrash had never felt so peaceful. He did not understand why the triplets didn’t feel the same way, especially Hashtag.

Mirage returned to the Malto farm after the cybersleeves malfunctioned, this time accompanied by his adopted brother and mother. Thrash kept his feeling under wraps but couldn’t help and rolled his optics when Kris and Mirage had no problems like them despite being separated for months. The Emberstone water the Maltos collected didn’t fix the sleeves so they resorted to go to the source itself …Then the water vanished and the cave’s floor fell in while they were inside it.

Although Thrash never trusted the Seekers, he needed to ask what they know about Autobot Mirage. Surprisingly, they have an answer: Autobot Mirage never betrayed the Autobots. He had saved the entire solar system by stopping the Decepticon team who had sun killer machine by himself. They have no clue what became of him afterwards and assumed the Autobots had got rid of him for insubordination. On the other side, Starscream informed Hashtag and Mirage the same thing alongside a reminder to Mirage:

“Don’t think you and Autobot Mirage are the same person. The only things you share with him are your name and abilities. He is of Cybertron like I, while you are of Earth.”

They had forgotten to discuss it after they escaped from the caves as Robby became deathly ill because of the cybersleeve. When the sleeves were restored, Mirage and the Malto Terrans went separate ways again … but the Diaz never arrived home.

On the wall behind Mandroid’s ‘throne’ there hung the human Maltos and the Diaz mother and younger son. Thrash and Twitch were on top of the alien tower to rescue them and stop the no-longer-human Mandroid once and for all. Twitch is then forced to flee from a mind-controlled Megatron meanwhile Thrash faced a mind-controlled Mirage who was fueled with guilt and rage.

“Why do you hate me so much! Why?!” cried Mirage as he tried to control his hands around Thrash’s neck. “I don’t want to hurt you!”

Their fight was a blur. Thrash deflected Mirage’s blades over and over again until he twisted them, yanked them and tossed Mirage from the ledge. All Thrash could think about was his twin who was fighting against Mandroid alone.

Mandroid’s last laugh didn’t last long but neither did their celebration. Feelings of horror, terror and grief emitted from the triplets who were on the ground below. Realisation dawned on Thrash when he spotted Kris’ darkened cybersleeve.

When he climbed down the tower, his worst fears came true. The cries of his younger siblings and the Diaz haunted Thrash for a long time.

.

.

[A.N: Thrash should be the G1 Cliffjumper of the Terrans – fight me]

#transformers #transformers earthspark #earthspark #tf mirage #rotb mirage #rise of the beasts #terran mirage #tf malto #tfes #tf rotb #thrash malto #tf thrash #transformers fanfiction #transformers fanart #macaddam #kris diaz #mandroid #dr meridian #hashtag malto #twitch malto #mo malto #robby malto #dorothy malto #alex malto

[verily-veve]

@hprecfest I wanted to do this and made my first rec list :)

1. A favorite fic under 5k: Still Life (Drarry, E, 3k)

No summary given.

2. A comfort fic : Orange Blossoms @danpuff-ao3 (Snarry, T, 4k)

These are foolish times to have hope, and more foolish still to be in love. 

3. A podfic : Deadheading the Odd Dahlia @cailynwrites (Drarry, T, 1.5 hours)

Harry is content to spend his days at Draco’s flower stall at the farmers market, burying his true feelings in artisanal coffee and rose bouquets. When forced to find new lodgings, he accepts Draco’s offer to live in a cottage at Malfoy Manor, and his long-hidden crush blossoms out of control. Turns out, proximity makes the heart grow fonder.

4. A fic with art: The Curse of Anteros @danpuff-ao3 @mrviran (Snarry, E, 53k)

When Harry is cursed, he seeks out Severus Snape. They have a long history behind them, after all, and they've always had so much between them. Who else would he go to?

5. A non-AO3 fic : If You Are Prepared (Snarry, E, 193k)

A task he can't refuse. A boy he doesn't want to refuse.

6. An unreliable narrator fic : Heartbeat by @phantomato (Tomarrymort, Harry/Orion, E, 23k)

Harry, dumped into the past, communes with dangerous men.

7. A canon-compliant fic : Rapture by @mia-ugly (Snarry, E, 48k)

Snape sees the man, for the first time, on his twenty-fifth birthday.

8. A canon-divergence fic : Certain Dark Things by @liladiurne (Snarry, E, 50k)

In which Severus takes a trip to Italy, thinking he'll have a quiet time at the Malfoys' villa, but Harry has other plans.

9. A rare pair fic (less than 2000 fics on AO3) : The Sword of Gryffindor (Sneville, E, 58k)

“Do you feel strong hitting me?” Neville spits out. He doesn’t think he’s ever been this angry before, but there’s something else too. He wants to feel it again, the pain, wants to control it like he did last time. This isn’t like Amycus Carrow driving his wand into his shoulder blades while whispering about his parents, this isn’t sitting scared in a school bench while his sister rants about muggles with a crazy glint in her eye. A choice. He’s in control here, he can take it. “Do it again you fucking coward.”

10. A fest fic : Not All That Glisters by @sweet-s0rr0w (Drarry, E, 110k)

Lonely and frustrated on house arrest, with no prospects for the future, Draco begins brewing Felix Felicis in an attempt to improve his lot. Just in the short term, of course. He isn’t a total idiot. But before long he finds himself with a thriving business, a nice flat, some actual (albeit irritatingly Gryffindor) friends, and a very satisfying sex life. What’s more, no-one is hexing him in the street. And Harry Potter is single, and gorgeous, and giving Draco decidedly interested looks. Stop taking the Felix? You must be joking…

11. A dark fic : Frigid by @mrviran (Harrymort, E, 3k)

In which one of Voldemort's Horcruxes is broken, and needs to be fixed.

12. A WIP you’re following : Pacify by @chickenpets (Snarry, E, ongoing)

Pacify: 1. To allay the anger or agitation of 2. To reduce to a submissive state He would do his duty. He would save Draco, if he could. He would protect the students, if and when the school fell to the Deatheaters. And Potter. As far as he was concerned, Potter could have whatever he wanted, now. What was the point of trying to tell him no if he was going to be sacrificed on the pyre of the greater good? If Potter wanted to learn, Severus would be his teacher. If he wanted a master, then Severus would make him submit. And if he wanted a lover... well. Severus would love him. And that was it. Anything else was a waste of time. And there was so little of that.

13. A fic with over 100k words : Another Mask Behind You (Drarry, E, 116k)

Draco is a high-end prostitute who hides his identity. Harry unknowingly hires him. And then there is porn, questions about identity, domestic bliss, more porn, and truth as seen through a web of lies. (And then more porn. Seriously, if you don’t want sex scene after sex scene you probably shouldn’t read this. And please read the warnings.)

14. A favorite series : Love Your Enemy by @danpuff-ao3 (Snarry, E, 50k)

Love...hate...Harry and Severus definitely hate each other (if only because they love each other so much.)

15. The most recent fic you bookmarked : Everything We Dream Can be Real by @vdoshu (Tomarry, E, 51k)

Harry had a life after Voldemort. He had a family. He had a career. And then one day it was all ripped away when he woke up at Number 4 Privet Drive. Or: Where Harry doesn’t exactly get that chance to do it over again. And things are Not Okay.

16. A fic that made you laughed: Harry Potter and the Problem with Potions (Harry & Snape, T, 184k)

Once upon a time, Harry Potter hid for two hours from Dudley in a chemistry classroom, while a nice graduate student explained about the scientific method and interesting facts about acids. A pebble thrown into the water causes ripples. Contains, in no particular order: magic candymaking, Harry falling in love with a house, evil kitten Draco Malfoy, and Hermione attempting to apply logic to the wizarding world.

17. A fic that made you cry: Epitaphs in Autographs by @vukovich (Drarry, E, 7k)

A series of works surrounding death, imperfect relationships, flawed coping, and humanity.

18. A fairy-tale inspired fic : Two Lockets (Snarry, E, 57k)

Harry, Snape, and the grim old house that keeps its secrets.

19. Fic with the hottest smut: Ruin by @chickenpets (Snarry, E, 12k)

Severus didn’t even want to contemplate how quickly he’d crumbled, or how incredibly satisfying it felt to have Potter immobilized and powerless that way. Because the boy he had under his fist right then was not the same one that had barged into his lab demanding attention and slinging insults. This boy was… different. He was silent, and wide-eyed. Flushed, and panting, and very, very still. It was almost like alchemy. The Golden Brat of Hogwarts - the Chosen One - transformed instantly into this new apparition. He’d gotten what he wanted, Severus supposed. Brutality.

20. A fic rated G: The Son by @perverse-idyll (Regulus, G, 5k)

First there were two sons. Then there was one.

21. A thought-provoking fic : The Things We Need by @kbrick (Drarry, E, 25k)

Three hundred and fifty-three days out of the year, Harry is in a monogamous, fufilling relationship with Draco Malfoy. Then there are the other twelve days.

22. An unfinished fic (hasn’t updated in 10 years or author stated it been abandoned) : The Marriage Stone (Snarry, E, 382k)

To avoid the machinations of the Ministry, Harry must marry a reluctant Severus Snape. But marriage to Snape is only the beginning of Harry's problems. Voldemort has returned, and before too long Harry's marriage may determine the world's fate.

23. A soulmate fic : The Left Words (Harrymort, M, 234k)

Harry has some weird words on his left wrist. That must be one of those strange things that Aunt Petunia hates so much. But it's okay! He likes them. Then, it all turns even weirder. Hogwarts, magic, a Headmaster and a Dark Lord await Harry - he would prefer if they all just left him alone, thank you very much. But when has it ever mattered what Harry wants?

24. A holiday fic: All I Want for Christmas (is for You to Stop Talking) by @femmequixotic and noeon (Drarry, E, 162k)

The Niffler's Garden is the most prestigious wizarding nursery school in England and has been for the last century or more. Harry Potter's boys are both enrolled as pupils at the Garden. When he volunteers to assist with the Yule pageant, he has no idea that he'll be working closely with another parent, Draco Malfoy. Although they haven't seen each other much since their own school days, Harry faults Malfoy for not being a hands-on dad to little Scorpius. Will the intense weeks of preparation fan the fires of enmity or something else entirely?

25. A fic rated T: Altered Course by @crowcrowcrowthing (Tomarry, T, 12k)

Tom Riddle has a problem. He has so many plans, so many things to learn and accomplish during his time at Hogwarts, but one professor—one charming, talented, maddeningly handsome professor—is determined to get in his way. How does Professor Potter seem to anticipate Tom's every move? How does he always manage to stay several steps ahead, knowing secrets about Tom he has no right knowing? It’s simply unacceptable, and Tom needs to do something about it before everything is ruined.

26. A fic with an ending you can’t stop thinking about : Nocturne by @necromanticnoir (Snarry, E, 54k)

A Gothic Snarry version of ‘Beauty and the Beast’, inspired by the dark and sensual tale from the Czech film version, ‘Panna a Netvor’. I follow some of the plot, but then diverge and do my own thing. Got to make it even weirder, right? An eerie, erotic, brooding, bloody, batty, haunting fairytale. ‘Underneath my skin there’s a human. Buried deep within there’s a human. Despite everything, I’m still human.’ - ‘Human’ by Daughter

27. A Muggle-AU fic : with great outbursts and lightnings by @liladiurne (Snarry, E, 148k)

They stand there for a moment, just looking at each other. Harry has developed smoking to an art form that fascinates Severus. Everyone smokes in Paris, but he’s never taken up the habit himself. Watching Harry smoke, however, is strangely erotic. It feels like watching something that ought to be done in private. He wants to say something, anything, but he’s speechless. He’s a bloody poet, and here he is, standing speechless in front of a nineteen-year-old boy. March, 2013. In which Severus is a semi-famous poet with writer's block who moves back to London after the death of his lover and meets Harry, a prodigy struggling with his own demons.

28. An under-rated fic : An Eye for an Eye (Drapery, E, 42k)

Harry owes Draco a Life Debt.

29. A post-canon fic : Soup-pocalypse and the Great Curry Cataclysm (Drarry, E, 104k)

Eleven years after the war, Draco Malfoy leads a quiet, boring, and perfectly respectable life, thanks very much. Or, at least he does, until a sudden and very unexpected veela awakening causes him to throw soup all over Harry Potter in the middle of the Ministry cafeteria.

30. A pre-canon fic : He's just a Little Fixer-Upper (Snilch, E, 10k)

After Voldemort's first defeat, Snape's grief and guilt are overwhelming, and he starts thinking about ending it all. But there's someone in the castle who's been watching Snape since he was a child, someone determined to put him back together again.

31. A fav amongst favs: for this I have 1 for my 3 favorite ships :)

Wild (Drarry, E, 92k)

“No,” Harry said, by way of greeting. Malfoy’s blonde head rose slowly, carelessly. “Get out.” “I feel as though we’ve already established this, Potter,” Malfoy responded. “And I feel that what we established was that you telling me to get out of places really doesn’t make me more likely to vacate them.”

When the Rose and the Fire Are One by @perverse-idyll (Snarry, E, 81k)

Harry's haunted by guilt. Snape's warded by roses. Each must free the other in order to free himself.

Either must die at the hand of the other by @metalomagnetic (Harrymort, E, 260k)

Voldemort survives the Battle of Hogwarts because Harry Potter had not been the one to kill him, as the prophecy demands.

#hprecfest2023 #snarry fics #drarry fics #tomarrymort fics #rare pair fics

[levi-my-beloved]

Chapter Four: The Ackerbond Loves

Pairing: Canon!Levi x F!Reader

Warnings: SMUT, so. much. smut. like maybe the best i’ve ever written who knows, standard hj we love those here, Levi being a dumb hoe, reader being a dumb hoe, heavy themes of abuse, implied abuse victim, coping mechanisms, reader almost dying cuz Gunther’s ass is so thick (canon).

A/N: this is almost 20k words. i’ve decided against being apologetic because i think we all know what i'm like at this point. enjoy the good times now because it’s about to get a whole lot worse :)

GO SHOW @peace-for-levi ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD FOR LITERALLY BETA READING 19 THOUSAND WORDS OF INCOHERENT GARBAGE. fr i need to buy you a drink or sommin

AND NATURALLY, credit to @levmada for the conceptttt <3

Taglist: @levmada @awesomeness1679 @purplecandygerl @iam-thevillain-of-thisstory @pluvio-pluto @midnightbarnes97 @aresclouds @imkumichan @xxpadfootxx @cmjh3 @justa19 @notgoodforlife @leviackermanmyhero245 @kaea-peverall @jakillski @macaronnv @natalie-skz @oldtownwonderland @snailsposts @lunardeiity @clusiesuzie @hi-imkaiya @isabellawigginss @ackermandick @orionsalos @disaster-writer @temariskadi @nariko1989 @elizaack @dixie-chick @death-by-bullseye

The moment your squad approached the old Scout HQ after half a day’s ride, your heart instantly sank. Cobblestone bricks veined with deep green moss, dried dead vines hanging limply from every archway, windows filthy with years of grime, abandoned to run amok. 

You sighed heavily to the natural ambiance of Oluo once again biting down on his tongue, and Petra’s scolding tone. Though the late afternoon light cast a picturesque glow on the old castle, you really didn’t feel like suffering through an intense cleaning spree. Though, of course, it was inevitable. 

Hooves clacked against the change of terrain as you slowed to a gentle stop. It was peaceful here, away from the city and the bustling crowds of busy tradesmen. Only the distant sound of birds could be heard from the surrounding trees. It was pretty beautiful. 

“Nice place,” you murmured to Eld as you dismounted, running your stirrups up the leathers so they wouldn’t bumble against your horse’s flanks as she walked. “Shame about the weeds though.”

“And I bet the inside’s a shambles. This place hasn’t been used for years,” he responded, slapping two pats against the side of his horse’s neck. You placed a hand on your hip, opening your mouth to respond, before instantly closing it again upon Levi’s interruption.

“In which case we have a problem. Best grab a broom and get to work.”

You stifled your groan of agony. Seriously? Cleaning? After that ride? The sky was just fading into early evening and Levi wanted to clean? Inevitable, yes. Fair? Absolutely not.

You and Eld looked at each other briefly, before sighing as Petra took both your horses. You cursed her as she silently claimed grooming duty. Why couldn’t you have been that smart? She sent you a knowing smirk from over her shoulder, as if she knew what you were thinking.

You instantly flipped her off. 

“Eld! Wanna take the windows with me?” Once again, you were too slow to claim a good job as Gunther stepped up before you even had a chance to suggest something. The windows seemed so easy! All you had to do was wash off the grime! So you weren’t surprised when Eld agreed, not so much as sending you a glance before striding off to grab a bucket and cloth. Oluo had, of course, gone off to do his own thing, which left you with Levi. A strangely ideal situation, all things considered.

“I hate you for this,” you deadpanned, still looking up at the monstrous task facing you.

“No, you don’t.” Levi responded, coming to stand at your side and following your gaze up at the castle. You fought down the urge to take his hand. Now is not the time, nor the place to try and figure out what the hell you two were.

Levi was in no better position. Whatever happened yesterday was stuck in his head. Your lidded gaze, soft lips, gentle smile… it was all pinned to a wall for his mind’s eye to stare at longingly. Glancing at you, he saw your lips in a forceful pout, and knew you were trying to suppress a smile. He, too, almost took your hand, fingers outstretched to hook your fingers together.

“Uh, Captain Levi Sir?” 

He swore then and there that if he was ever interrupted with you again, he would slash the throat of whoever barged in. “What?”

Eren cleared his throat behind you, and you turned as well, taking slight pity on him. It couldn’t be easy, trying to slip seamlessly into such a tight knit squad. You’d all almost completely forgotten he was here, only Oluo running his mouth to the ‘Greenhorn’. Poor fucking kid. 

“Just start cleaning, Eren. This place is a shithole and we have standards. You can start on the top floor and work your way down. We’ll meet you somewhere in the middle,” you instructed, pointing to the large double doors in front of you. “Petra should be back soon, but it’s up to her whether or not she decides to join you.” You threw a sideways glance in the direction of the stables, knowing full well she would be taking her time. 

Not that you could blame her.

“Got it!” Eren saluted stiffly, before running off to find himself a broom and a cloth. Once again, his enthusiasm sent a shiver down your spine, being reminded of Oluo’s overly enthusiastic, kiss-ass attitude. You knew Eren was just eager to prove himself, but he could tone it down just a little.

“Someone’s eager to please.” Levi muttered to you, and you sighed in response. 

“Can’t blame him really. He’s been thrown into a situation where suddenly the fate of humanity rests on whether or not he can prove his worth. Not to mention his life. If he fails here, he’s dead. It’s no wonder he’s eager to please.” 

You hadn’t meant to ramble on. You knew Levi didn’t really mean anything by it, but you felt the need to justify Eren anyway. You sure as shit wouldn’t want to have been beaten to a bloody pulp, thrown in with the Special Operations Squad, scrutinised by both the Scouts and the Military Police, before being forced to sit through one of Oluo’s “you’re new here so let me mansplain everything to you.” Honestly, maybe death was more favourable.

Levi softened infinitely at your far-away expression, having another war with himself to not take your hand. “It’s a miracle how you made it this far with a heart that big.”

How the fuck he said that with the utmost nonchalance you will never know, because your mind completely shut down, barely managing a breathy, shaky laugh. Your heart beating with the thunder of a galloping horse, you turned to look at him, only to see him looking back at you slightly wide-eyed. Could he feel your sudden change in demeanour, or was he looking like that because he’d only just realised what he said. You hoped to the fucking Walls it was the second option.

Managing to recover somewhat, your lips reluctantly pulled into a small smile. “If you wanna talk about big hearts, let’s talk about Evelyn, hm?” 

It was Levi’s turn to blank. Hating his blood for dusting across his cheeks, burning in his ears. Fuck, he’d walked straight into that one. But, as you relaxed with your smile becoming a little more genuine, Levi silently agreed that it was worth it. “You’re right… She does have a big heart.” His chest bloomed with your faux irritation, with the way you forced your face to fall. But he could see you were struggling to keep your expression, and Levi barely managed to stifle a laugh when you chose to start walking away instead.

“I hate you and you know that’s not what I meant.” If only you could hear the smile in your voice. Levi vaguely wondered if you would fall for yourself the same way he’s fallen for you. He went to tell you that, once again, you most definitely do not hate him, before a bolt of agony lashed through his head and his eyes lost focus. 

On instinct he reached out for your arm and viciously tugged you back into him, and you didn’t have time to question what the fuck he thought he was doing before the deafening crash and slosh of a full, steel waterbucket cracked against the ground behind you.

You stayed there for a moment, face nestled in the soft cloth of his cravat, only barely processing what happened.

Levi kept his steady hold around you as his eyes refocused on the fallen, badly dented bucket, horrified by the idea that, had he not pulled you back, you would most likely be dead right now. The thought made him tighten his arms around you. 

“You alright?” His voice was the soft, steady anchor you needed to keep you grounded, deep vibrations soothing the heart that now raced for an entirely different reason. This was achingly similar to the first time he saved your life this way, seeing your fate and stepping in to change it. Achingly similar to the way he continued to hold you after, soothing your trembling muscles. Admittedly this wasn’t nearly as terrifying as being in the clutches of a titan, but you were still a little shaken.

“Yeah… yeah I’m fine,” you nodded, reluctantly stepping out of his arms and looking back to the turned over bucket, the cobbles now a darker shade of grey where the water had tipped out. “This bond coming in clutch once again, huh?” 

Levi saw through it. He always could. He saw through your flippant attempt at humour, knew it was just you trying to maintain your composure. But he was learning your tells. Learning how you kept a brave face so seemingly easily. Staring at whatever nearly happened was one of them. He didn’t think when he gently pulled your chin back to look at him, quickly scanning your face, tighter than usual with anxiety. He took a deep breath, wordlessly forcing you to do the same. The faintly echoing heartbeat in his chest calmed.

“You’re okay.” He tucked a slightly loose strand of your hair back into place, and watched with proud satisfaction as you untensed. Deciding to push his luck slightly, he grazed the pad of his thumb over your cheekbone, heart glowing as you leaned into the touch ever so slightly. His skin prickled, and he couldn’t tell whether it originated from you, or whether that was just the effect touching you had on him. Whatever it was, you felt it as well, obvious by your slight shiver. 

Levi dropped his hand as panicked footsteps raced down the wooden staircase, both turning to greet a panting, sweating Eld, looking wide-eyed and terrified between you two through the open doorway.

“Fucking– is everyone okay?” He asked through laboured breaths. You smiled through a soft chuckle, trying to reassure the clearly stressed blonde as he fiddled with the hem of his jacket. 

“Yeah, we’re–”

“You almost fucking killed her.” You’d never heard Levi speak to his own squad with such venom in his tone. If they’d done something stupid like almost died, he would just tell them flatly to not do it again. He’d never really had a go at any of them, not in the same way you’d seen him have a go at Hange. But this… this was more similar to the time Oluo almost died in one of her titan crazed moments, when he’d held them by the collar and borderline spat in their face. You moved forward to mask the way you quickly held and squeezed his arm. A subtle, but meaningful gesture. 

Eld looked like he was about to faint. “I’m so sorry! Gunther and his fat ass. Idiot knocked it back off the roof squatting to fix his gear. Fuck, we didn’t think anyone would be–”

“–Eld, I’m fine. I promise. Look” – you held your hands up in front of you, turning a full circle so he could see – “no damage. I’m absolutely fine.” You implored until you heard him breathe out a sigh of relief, thankful both that you were okay, and his balls wouldn’t be roasted over an open fire.

“Tell Gunther to watch where he’s shitting next time.” You turned back to Levi, who had seemed to have calmed down significantly. Though there was still a slight bite in his voice, he wasn’t nearly as blindingly furious as he was a few seconds ago. Was that because of you? Or because it was a genuine accident? It was difficult to tell. 

Eld nodded all too eagerly, wiping a bead of sweat from his brow with the heel of his palm. Oh you were totally teasing him about this later. That was until he looked between you and Levi again, his expression completely different from before. He looked… knowing. Almost proud. You narrowed your eyes at him in threatening confusion, and he simply shook his head with a smile, and turned away back up the stairs. 

“You two are so fucking weird together,” Levi commented, stepping up to stand next to you again. You gaped at him with incredulity.

“Shut up!” 

“Didn’t you like him at one point?” He smirked at you out of the corner of his eye, and you groaned.

“Was I really that obvious?”

“About as obvious as Hange’s love for titans.”

You groan again, slightly louder. Levi tried his fucking best not to imagine the sound in… other situations. “Clearly not obvious enough, the bastard never even realised until after I’d moved on!” you lamented, gathering a few cloths from the table inside the front hall and removing his jacket from your shoulders before hanging it on the back of a chair. 

He folded his arms, surveying you with a raised brow. “How do you know?”

“We spoke about it yesterday when walking to the market. We were just talking about– stuff” – that was a little too close – “and it sort of just came up in conversation. Turns out we’re both just morons.”

“That’s for sure.” 

“...Levi, that was your opportunity to disagree.”

“Why would I disagree with facts?”

He barely dodged the cloth you threw at him, once again your irritated façade cracking easily. “Go get your special cleaning doily and join me upstairs. I cannot stand to see your face right now.” An obvious lie.

“It’s not a doily, doilies are made of lace.”

“And you would know that how?” You asked, drawling. Levi pulled a lopsided smile at you, answering with a single word that had you cackling with laughter when he left to grab his kit.

“Evelyn.”

It was late evening by the time Levi deemed the castle spotless enough to hole up in for a few weeks. Everybody was drained by the time the squad had gathered in a small dining room in what you assumed would have been the servant’s wing. Tea in hand, you engaged in idle chatter with the rest of your squad, waiting for the arrival of Levi and Eren. 

“So wait, you think Nifa and Moblit have something going on?” Petra asked to a smug looking Gunther across the table, who nodded in confirmation. “You were there at the last strip poker game, right? He could barely tear his eyes off Hange and they barely took anything off!” She argued with a vigour that made you laugh. Her hazel eyes turned to you, wide eyed in desperate need of support. “You’ve heard the way she talks about–”

“Petra!” You had to stop her before she revealed one of Nifa’s deepest secrets. Eld and Oluo seemed to perk up instantly.

“Oh, you can’t do that to us!”

“Come on, no secrets in the squad, remember?” 

Eld looked to you at that comment, raising a pointed brow. You sent him another confused look, but he simply looked away and back to the conversation at hand. You were confident nobody was around to see what happened earlier, so what the hell he could be referring to other than that, you had no idea. 

“That’s not fair, because this isn’t my secret. It’s Nifa’s, so butt out of it, all of you,” Petra held firm, folding her arms against the disappointed looks and huffs from the men. 

You hummed a soft laugh, your heart glowing with fondness for this group of people. And of course, the one missing. 

It’s as if he were summoned by your fleeting thought about him, both Levi and the newest addition to your squad came through the door from the left, Eren looking a little despondent. You assumed he just found out where he’d be sleeping… Poor kid.

“They here yet?” You shook your head as Levi took a seat at the head of the table to your right. Though nobody ever expected Hange to be on time. It was somewhat of a habit that they were always late to meetings, missions, even the start of their own expeditions, usually caught up in some research or experiment and didn’t notice the rest of the regiment going grey when waiting for them. “Might as well do introductions whilst we wait then. Eren, this is the Special Operations squad,” Levi continued, and you noticed the rest of your comrades straightening in their seats when being introduced. For ease, he introduced you first. “My Second, but you already knew that.”

“Wait, you’ve met already?” Gunther piped up from the other side of the table. “How’s that fair?”

“I was at the trial.” You explained swiftly, earning yourself a look of sudden understanding from the rest of your inquiring squad. Though Oluo audibly huffed from his seat, clearly perturbed that he wasn’t the one invited. Levi went on to introduce everyone else, who in turn greeted Eren in their own ways. Petra with a bright smile, Eld with a friendly wave, Gunther with a lopsided grin and of course Oluo with some kind of backwards insult. Naturally.

“These are the people who won’t hesitate to put you down if you go ape shit out there. I hand picked them all for a reason. Don’t fuck up, and we won’t have a problem. Do fuck up, and they have strict permission to act accordingly. Personally, I wouldn’t want to find myself at the end of any of their blades.” High praise coming from Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. A flare of pride flashed in your chest, despite already knowing he recognised everybody’s potential years ago. That’s why you were all here. Because you were deemed strong enough by the strongest soldier alive. You glanced around the table to see your comrades looking in similar ways to you. Gritty determination shining in the low light.

“I… I understand, Sir. It’s nice to meet you all.” You had to admire the kid. Even in the face of his potential killers, he managed to keep some semblance of collectiveness. From what you’d heard, Eren could be quite hotheaded. Not unlike yourself at times. There were certain things in yourself you hoped to see in this kid, and certain things you hoped to fuck stayed away. 

Before the silence prolonged any further, a loud pair of footsteps echoed down from the door on the left. The barred door on the left. You almost slapped your forehead before the inevitable impact even happened. 

Petra sighed, rising from her seat to remove the wooden bolt from the door, and allowing an excited looking Hange, rubbing the side of their head. You almost couldn't believe it, having not expected them to arrive until much later. You smiled in lighthearted surprise. 

“Gooooood evening, Levi squad! How’s castle life treating ya?” Hange’s ability to lighten up a room was always something you admired. You remembered Levi asking why you liked hanging out with them so much. Honestly, this was why. Their boundless energy rubbed off on those around them, though of course he seemed to be immune. But you enjoyed watching the antics, and smiling at Moblit’s frazzled looks. It was a nice return to some kind of normality after an expedition. 

Your eyes slid to Eld opposite you, whose smile mirrored your own. He too found Hange amusing to watch, the scientist often being a popular topic of conversation between the two of you. Your hands steepled in front of your mouth, hiding your subtle laugh.

“You’re early.” Levi responded, taking a long sip of the tea that was waiting for him when he joined you all. Judging from the above par taste, you’d made it. You were getting better at that. He tried to stop his heart blossoming at the thought. 

“Am I? Well I suppose I couldn’t wait. Hi, Eren! I hope this lot have been treating you well.” You watched Hange jovially drag a chair over to where the teen was sitting next to Oluo. You snorted quietly at the unsure look on Eren’s face. “Excited to start experimenting?! Levi! What’s Eren doing tomorrow?” 

“Cleaning out the weeds.” You glanced at his impassive expression of boredom. You didn’t envy whoever would be taking over that role as gardener, but if it was you, you would genuinely walk back to Trost.

“Excellent! We’ll start tomorrow then!” You all collectively groaned at the idea, hoping to have at least a day of rest before Hange started their rampage. You all just hoped he didn’t ask–

“Uh, what experiments will we be doing?”

The entire room stopped, staring wide-eyed at the poor kid, who had no idea what he’d just done. Though you couldn’t see, you could fucking hear Hange’s eyes light up at the idea of explaining her theories to this naïve teen. 

“I knew it. You possess a singularly curious mind…” 

Nope. Absolutely not. 

Simultaneously, your entire squad stood from their seats, including Levi. Eren had made his bed by asking Hange a question, something one should never do, and now he must lie in it. Alone. Every single one of you left without a word, quietly closing the door behind you. 

“That poor, poor kid,” Eld muttered to you as you climbed the stairs. You hummed in agreement.

“I wonder how long they’ll keep him there… I hope it’s not another one of those overnight things. Nobody deserves that, not even Nile.” You responded, taking his teacup from his hands. He let you without a word. 

“Didn’t they say they’d start experimenting tomorrow? How does Hange expect him to do anything if he’s already exhausted?” Petra asked. 

She allows  you to take her own cup as well. It was sort of an unspoken rule. You hated the idea of dirty dishes festering overnight, even something as simple as tea cups. But the rest of your squad didn’t share in this hatred, only Levi seemed to understand where you were coming from. So it was sort of expected that since it was your issue, you would be the one to fix it. Not that you were mad. You actually kind of liked it that way.

Gunther stacked his own onto Petra’s, Oluo handing you his after. You weren’t really surprised when Levi broke off from the group, though he was still holding his own. That did take you by surprise, but you knew better than to question. 

“Doesn’t concern us anyhow. Go get some rest, all of you. If we start tomorrow, I have a feeling we’ll all need it.” You instructed with a heavy sigh, gaining nods of agreement from your comrades, and several bids of goodnight. Eld lingered for a moment, and you instantly knew he had something to say, but was hesitating. “Go on, spit it out before it dies.”

Eld cleared his throat. “I see things are going well between you two.”

You blanched. How the fuck could he possibly– “What are you talking about?” Oh, that was way too shaky to not be seen as suspicious. Eld’s grin only widened further, and you felt heat gather at your cheeks.

“I’m happy for you. I really really am,” – he placed a hand on your shoulder – “you deserve it.” You covered his hand with your own, your expression relaxing instantly. He could always sap the tension from your shoulders like that. You honestly weren’t convinced he wasn’t some kind of wizard.

“Thanks, Eld. Not just for that but, for being pretty fucking great generally.” You gave his hand a squeeze, almost surprised to see a genuine shine of gratitude in his eye. Before he dramatically gasped and placed a hand on his chest.

“A compliment?! From you?! Hold on, I need to check the skies for pigs! Is it my birthday? Oh oh oh! I’ve got it! You’ve just found out you have an incurable disease and you want to show your appreciation before you die!” You shoved him off, laughing brazenly at his all too familiar antics.

“Eat shit and die.” 

“Great rules to live by. Eat, shit, and die.” You were so tempted to throw something at him.

“Go to bed before I fucking drag you.”

“And here I was thinking you only had eyes for the captain. Naughty.” 

“Go!” You went to give him a halfhearted kick, one that was easily dodged by a quick step backwards.

“Okay, okay, I’m going! No need to get violent.” He held his hands up in defeat, finally turning to leave you with the washing up. “Hey,” you looked back over your shoulder to see him still lingering by the door. “You’re pretty great too.”

He left you smiling before you could answer, and you found to your overwhelming delight, not a single romantic feeling towards him. There really was nothing like the feeling of moving on, and discovering you wouldn’t be in that kind of pain anymore. It was liberating. 

Teacup in hand, Levi passed Eld on his way down the hall, who smiled widely at him and gave him a nod in acknowledgement. One of the weirder exchanges he’s ever had with the blonde, but weird exchanges with both Eld and Gunther were to be expected. It’s just who they were. 

Levi had been stuck thinking about you all day since that morning. What would have happened had he not been interrupted. Would he have kissed you? He doubted it. He wanted to make that something a little more– ‘special’ didn’t sound like the right word, but he couldn’t think of a better one. Would he have just stared at you for hours? That went really well the last time, a fantastic way to make you feel uncomfortable. Maybe he would have just held you for a bit longer, reassured you a bit more. Although he thought that all the time. He constantly wanted to hold you more. That wasn’t anything different.

His boots echoed down the stairs as he approached the kitchen doorway, hearing who he assumed was you shuffling around, before the pitched shattering of ceramic ceased all movement.

“No, no no nononononono–” That was your voice. Panic gripped him as he sped down the last few steps to see you on your hands and knees, frantically scrambling for broken fragments of white porcelain. It wasn’t difficult to piece together what had happened, but Levi was more worried about the state of your hands and fingers than the broken teacup. More worried about your almost hysterical state. 

“What–” You cut him off with a fearful yelp, almost falling backwards having not heard him come in. He’d never seen you like this. Your eyes wide and wild, reddened by the streaming tears down your cheeks. Blood pooling from both your hands and knees from where you’d knelt in the shrapnel and tried desperately to pick up the pieces. You looked… you looked terrified. 

“I’m sorry, I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to– it j-just s-slipped from m-my hands… I’m sorry, I-I’ll clean it up, j-just give me two m-minutes and it’ll b-be gone I-I’ll buy a re-replacement, I’m s-so sorry.” 

Levi was stunned into silence, utterly baffled by your sudden one hundred and eighty degree shift in personality. He struggled to comprehend that this was the same woman from earlier today, laughing and quipping alongside him. His fingers tingled with each small cut you managed to give yourself, knees stinging as you kept crawling on the sharp edges. That echo in his chest raced to the point of pain, his sternum twisting and hammering in panic. 

It took him far too long to gather himself again, your hands coated in a thin sheen of crimson. 

“Stop!”

Upon seeing you freeze up, Levi instantly regretted raising his voice even a fraction. You didn’t move, not even from where you were reaching to grab another shard of blood-stained white, hands trembling like a leaf in the wind. He could hear your slightly wheezed breaths, too fast to placate him. 

Kneeling before you, Levi took your shaking hands into his own, tilting them towards the light to see the extent of the damage you’d done to yourself. His own breath hitched slightly. How had he not noticed these last time? Your hands were covered in hundreds of paper thin scars, none of them longer than a centimetre. His mind raced, endless possibilities crowding his head, and pushing them all back felt like fighting a hurricane with a spatula. But Levi was nothing if not odds-defying. Taking his cravat from around his neck, he first wiped his own hands, before setting to work on gently clearing the scarlet from yours. He was used to getting blood out of it anyway, it wouldn’t be a problem. But seeing you like this…? That was where the problem lay. Your tears continued to stain the floorboards, and you continued to convulse slightly with each silent sob. 

He wanted to talk to you. To hold you. To gently stroke your arm until you calmed down, but he had a nightmarish feeling that if he did anything other than what he was doing now, you’d break apart again. So he just kept cleaning, wiping away any fresh blood that oozed from your cuts. He needed to properly clean them, like he did after that game of poker. But that meant trying to get you to move, and with the way you were still trembling… he didn’t expect that to happen anytime soon. It was a shock to see you like this; cowering away from every too-sudden movement, flinching everytime his hands so much as inched towards your wrists. It was worse when he went to try sooth your hair, your muscles locking up in anticipation, tucking your chin to your shoulder and screwing your eyes shut. You were bracing for something, he grew to learn, and his heart splintered along with the realisation. This had been done to you. This had happened before, but the resulting response from whoever you were with hadn’t been nearly as gentle. 

Levi slowly lowered his hands back down to yours. The bleeding stifled now, but he still needed to check your knees and properly clean your hands. You’d stopped crying as well, only now it was so much worse. You just… stared. Vacantly. Like a hole had hollowed out behind your eyes and you were just… empty. He felt nothing, no bond, no connection, no echo. It was like you weren’t even there anymore, like you’d mentally checked out. With endless trepidation, Levi tilted your head up to look at him. This time you didn’t resist; you didn’t react. You just kept staring, eyes slowly focusing on his face. You made no movement when his hand cupped your cheek, like you couldn’t even feel it, and he sorely missed earlier today, when you lent into him even fractionally.

Keeping his voice low and soft, he kept a good read on your expression for any sign of life. “I need to move you to the faucet, can I do that?” No response sans a slow blink, and Levi was at a complete loss. He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know if moving you would terrify you again. Fuck, he hated this. Hated seeing you so vacant. So used to seeing your eyes glimmer, seeing them so faded fucking hurt. Not to mention how hollow he felt. Having grown to enjoy your weird presence in his head and chest, your absence left him feeling alone. A feeling he was disgustingly familiar with. “Please, come back. I need you here… I don’t know where you’ve gone, but I can’t reach you there. Come back to me, please.” He begged, both hands now cupping your face. He didn’t know what he was doing, letting his instincts guide him as he blindly reached into whatever connected him to you. 

Levi felt like he was flailing in the dark, treading water in some pitch-black ocean with no direction. He thrashed, recklessly searching for something, anything that suggested you were still there. He kicked against the dragging sensation in his head, desperate to stay above the inky black water. Whatever had a hold on him, only tugged him down harder.

“Find her.” It said, “Before she is lost. Find her. Or she will remain alone.”

He forced his limbs to still, and the forceful dragging became a slow descent. Praying for any kind of sign you were still there. The silence was consuming, filling his airways in choking quiet. He had to hold out. Just a few more moments. Another second. Please–

A flicker of life. He felt it. It was here. A faint, dying ember, but it was there. Levi reached out, feeling your heartbeat in his hands, before enclosing it in his palms, and pulling.

Hard.

Levi came back to his body moments before you fell forwards into him, just enough time to catch you. For a harrowing second, he thought you were dead, before the steady echoing of your heartbeat re-entered his chest. He checked your pulse, just to be sure, before finally relaxing when he felt the steady thumping against his fingertips. Your steady breaths indicated you had just fallen into a state of sleep, rather than unconscious. So he gently manoeuvred you into his lap, wrapping his arms around your waist and shoulders and tucking you safely into the crook of his neck, nestling his nose into your hair. 

What the fuck just happened? Was that all real, or did he imagine it? There was definitely some thread between you, he could pull on it if he wanted, gently tighten and slacken the bond, but did the rest of it happen? What happened to you? What had happened to you? Levi had so many damn questions and so few damn answers. Not that he would ever bring this up again, not unless you did. He had other methods to attend to anyway, primarily cleaning the cuts on your hands and knees. 

But he wanted to hold you. Just for a bit longer. For a few more minutes. Or forever. He honestly didn’t mind which. 

Unfortunately the press of your wounds weighed on his mind, and he reluctantly loosened his grip on you enough to scoop you into his arms, making sure your head was still tucked safely into his neck. Why the hell you smelt so fucking good, he refused to unpack before you were somewhere safe and comfortable, but he swore you smelt like freshly cut grass and peonies. Two of his favourite fucking scents.

Levi kept an ear out for any wandering footsteps down the hall as he carried you up to your room. Eren was most likely still stuck downstairs with Hange, listening to them babble on about titan anatomy basics. They always started with the basics. Looking down at you, he couldn’t help his lips pulling up into a tender smile. You looked surprisingly peaceful considering what just happened. Your face finally relaxing, those worry lines becoming much less pronounced. He didn’t realise how stressed you were all the time until now. Until he could see you without a care in the world. 

He’d been so lost in your face he hadn’t noticed Eld standing dead centre of the hallway, toothbrush hanging from his mouth, eyes wide in utter stunned bafflement. Levi cursed quietly.

“I– uhhhhhhh, Captain…? Is she– I have no idea how to respond to this. Is she alright?” Levi understood now why you liked him back in the day. The genuine concern on his face was admirable. Levi had never lied to his squad, and he wasn’t about to start now.

“Honestly? I don’t know. I think she’s alright now. She… collapsed in the kitchen.” Levi was genuinely proud to have somebody as caring as Eld on his squad, his brows pinched with worry as he quickly scanned you, pulling his toothbrush from his mouth the moment he saw your crimson stained hands and knees. 

“Wait, what h–”

“Eld, you wouldn’t happen to know whether she has a history of abuse, would you?” Eld pulled back, his concern shifting to full-blown alarm. The soft, worried creasing in his face became a harsher, more determined expression of protection. 

“Abuse? No… not that I know of. She briefly mentioned having two exes, but mentioned nothing about either of them being abusive.” 

“Her family?”

“She never mentioned them either. I actually assume they’re dead, to be honest. Whenever family’s brought up, she stays silent. The same with love lives.” Eld folded his arms, leaning against the wall thoughtfully. “I’ve seen her flinch though. When anyone would get too… exuberant. Mostly when she was near Hange and they got excited by something. I’ve seen her flinch at flailing hands, but I honestly thought it was because she was always ready to jump into action… I never even considered… Fuck.” Levi swore he watched the man go through the five stages of grief in the matter of a minute, sliding a hand down the side of his face. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice. Or even think. She didn’t even come talk to me. I would have–”

“Eld.” The blonde stopped, managing to meet Levi’s gaze. “You’ve been more than a good friend to her. She’s just… good at hiding. It might be nothing, but we can’t rule out any possibilities just yet.” He hated that he sounded like they were discussing some kind of mission plan, but he had to keep up professionalism around his squad. Whether they were already aware or not. “Get to bed, Hange starts tomorrow.” He instructed, continuing to carry you to bed. 

“Captain!” Levi stopped, turning his head back. “This might be out of order for me to ask, but…” Eld bucked up the courage to once again raise his head and look his captain in the eye, “Look after her.”

There was so much behind those words, Levi didn’t even want to think about the weight of them. Not yet. “...I plan to.” 

Clearly satisfied with this answer, Levi heard the door to Eld’s room close. He didn’t give himself credit for many things, but judging people’s character was one thing he was extremely good at. He was proud of his squad. Extremely proud of them. There were many in the Scouts who very much only cared for themselves, but every single member of his squad had a character to match their skill. It gave him hope to see how deeply the relationships between you all ran, and he knew you would have each other’s backs in a pinch. It was reassuring. 

Levi was brought back to reality by you shifting ever so slightly in his arms. Not much, but enough for him to know he needed to get you to bed and wash your cuts as soon as he could, though his heart almost burst with the realisation you were shifting into him, your cheek pressing against his shoulder. 

He was getting really tired of fighting the urge to kiss you. 

Using his shoulder to get the door to your chosen room open, the moon was just enough lighting to get across the floor without walking or bumping into something. A clear cross section of the window silhouetted against the wood guided him to your bedside. 

Setting you down on the plush new covers, he took a moment to sit next to you on the bed and just… look at you. To take a second to memorise your peace-stricken expression. He’d already committed to memory the peaks and valleys of your features, but like this? It was a sight he wanted to get used to so dangerously badly. Tucking a loose strand of hair off your face, he couldn’t stop his hands from softly stroking your cheek, smoothing over your eyebrow. You looked so gentle like this. So tender. 

So terrifyingly fragile. 

He hated to leave you, only for a few moments whilst he fetched a water basin and a clean cloth. He wouldn’t use the already bloodsoaked cravat, he’ll just wash that later. Though an awful thought finally crossed through his mind.

He couldn’t get to your knees like this. He couldn’t roll them up that far. Uniform pants were designed to be form fitting… but the only other option–

Wasn’t really an option really. He might just have to leave your knees for you to discover in the morning. As much as he cared about your health, he also cared about your dignity and comfort. He was not about to undress you when you weren’t even awake. The thought disgusted him.

So with a heavy sigh, he stood, and sending you one last glance, left to fetch himself what he needed.

…Why. The fuck. Did your hands hurt so damn much? You slowly, groggily stirred awake, scrunching your hands into fists and wincing when you found them stinging and crusty. Your memory was about as hazy as a thick fog, unable to decipher what really happened and what was a dream, and opening your eyes didn’t help anything. You were in your room. Or at least you assumed it was your room. How the fuck did you get here? Nothing made sense. One moment you were in the kitchen, and now–

You froze as you looked down at your hands, though the lighting was low, you could see the smudges of blood and the dark red slices across both of them. It looked… familiar. Uneasily familiar. You’d seen yourself like this before, you swore you had. Peering down at your hands, counting the cuts on each finger, tracing the divots in your palms. 

Why? Why did you recognise this exact scenario? And why did it hurt so much to think about? Before you could contemplate any further, your door opened seemingly unprompted.

Until another, more comforting familiarity put you at ease. Though his appearance was unexpected.

He clearly hadn’t expected to see you either, pausing briefly after shutting the door. You only had a brief few second window to try work out what he was holding, but it looked like a steel basin of water, a tub of salve and a few cloths. Though your brain was still waking up, it didn’t take Hange to work out what was happening. Barring your thankful smile was impossible, though you found you had no will to do so. 

“I wasn’t expecting you to be awake,” Levi murmured, grateful for the low lighting so you couldn’t see the soft blush across his cheeks. Half of him hoped you wouldn’t wake up until tomorrow… half of him. 

You shrugged, still a little bashful that he was currently standing by your closed door whilst you were sitting up in bed. “I wasn’t expecting you to come in.” Though you were smiling, you saw that he wasn’t, and a heavy globule of dread pooled in your gut. What the hell had happened…? “I don’t really–”

“Do you remember–”

You spoke at the same time, instantly cutting off upon hearing the other’s voice. But there was no awkward silence. No charged quiet as he crossed over to you, setting the water on the bedside table and taking up his previous seat by your side. Though this time you were awake.

No further words were exchanged as Levi took you hands back in his, his intentions made even clearer when dipping a clean cloth in the water and gently soothing your lacerations, the dried blood coming away like wet paint. He felt your eyes on him as he worked, using every fibre of his self control to concentrate and not acknowledge your gaze. Because if he had to fight kissing you one more time, he would lose. 

“What do you remember?” Talking was a welcome distraction from the way his lips pursed in delicate concentration. Though you observed the way they danced around each word, and it almost killed you, only surviving by tearing your eyes away to look elsewhere. 

“Not a lot.” You whispered, and Levi had to pretend it didn’t cause a shiver down his spine. He hoped to fuck you couldn’t feel that. “I remember cleaning up, and I remember being in the kitchen. I think I dropped something, but that’s it. Then I’m here.” You explained, wincing slightly as he swiped across your teared skin. 

Levi fell into a thoughtful silence. Should he ask you? Should he bring up his conversation with Eld? He guessed that if you wanted to talk about it, you would have done so. Either with him or the squad. But the thought of leaving the topic undiscussed didn’t really sit very well with him. He wanted to talk to you. Fuck, he wanted to talk about everything with you, not just this. He wanted to know everything about you. 

But before he’d made up his mind, you decided for him. “So, will you finally tell me how you know Evelyn, or is that some deep dark scandalous secret nobody is allowed to– Ow! The fuck, Levi?!” You snatched your hand away, facing him with betrayal as he flattened you with a stare. You frowned a pout. “No need to be so rough, especially when you can feel it too.”

“I’m clearly not as sensitive. And I told you how I met Evelyn, she owns the tea stall, how else would I– Would you please give me your hands?” He sighed, exasperated when you tucked them behind you, though it was a trial not to laugh at how petty you looked. “I’m not in the mood to play games with you right now.”

“That suggests you’re sometimes in the mood to play games with me. Where am I when these moods hit?” 

“Shovelling shit from the stables.”

“Ever the comedian.” You snorted, before raising a brow at his outstretched hand, patiently waiting for you to give in. He should know you’re more stubborn than that, though he continued to look at you expectantly.

“You waitin’ for a formal invitation?”

“I’m waiting to see how long it will take you to realise I'm not that easy.” You smirked smugly, assuming you’d won this little game of yours.

Until Levi rose from his chair, muttering something about you being a fucking brat, placed a knee on the side of your bed, and swung his other leg over to straddle your lap. Your breath froze, heart beating out of your chest as you stared wide-eyed in utter shock at your captain currently sitting in your lap. 

Levi chose to ignore the fact that he could literally feel himself shaking with adrenaline, and instead calmly took your arms from behind your back and held them in one of his hands, reaching for the washcloth with the other. He chose to ignore what he’d come to know as the faint echo of your own heartbeat thundering beside his own, instead choosing to focus on his original task of cleaning your wounds. He chose to ignore the mirroring heat rising to his own face, reaching back towards your nightstand to snatch the tub of salve.

Chose to ignore the small spark igniting in his crotch.

You’d managed to recover from the initial shock, now doing everything in your power to avoid looking at him. If the tables had been turned, you couldn’t say you would have done any differently, it was just unfair that it was him doing this to you. This was him flustering you. You liked it when it was the other way around. All sorts of filthy scenarios flitted about your head, all stemming from this specific position, and it took all of your willpower not to indulge in a little dream of having him like this, in your lap, whilst you worked him up and over. 

Levi clenched his jaw. In hindsight, this wasn’t a very clever idea. He hadn’t really been thinking about the consequences when he wanted more than anything to prove you wrong, and demonstrate just how easy you were. Or rather, how easy he made you. But the way your hips shifted below him, the way you subconsciously brought your knees up behind him… Fuck this was a mistake. He couldn’t get hard right now for fuck’s sake. He didn’t even want to imagine that scenario, when you realised he was fucking aroused and his rock hard cock tented in his pants borderline in your face. 

He had to move. He had to get off you, before his erection grew any more. Before he made an absolute embarrassment of himself. He just prayed to the fucking walls that phantom pleasure didn’t start again. It did have a habit of rising at the worst of times.

Placing the tub of salve back onto the nightstand, Levi shifted his weight to move off you. But you had other plans. With your hands now slightly slick with balm, you easily slipped them from his grip, taking his own wrists and boldly throwing them above your head. 

A gasp flew from his mouth as he fell forward, coming face to face with your now wickedly smirking visage, hot breath tickling his face. 

“Still think I’m easy?” You murmured, eyes flickering between his own and his lips. Despite wanting nothing but to lock them with your own for the last however many years you’d been secretly pining over him, you wouldn’t kiss him. Not today. A dominating part of you wanted the satisfaction of leaving him hanging after behaving the way he just did. 

Levi was at an utter loss, and he suddenly felt a little guilty for putting you through this exact same situation not moments ago. He felt like a deer in searchlight, completely frozen in place, his heart matching that same hammering beat your own reached when he’d started this whole thing. This was the side to you that sent his stomach somersaulting. The same side that saw you smile so savagely at Hange, the same side that sent heated glares to those who pissed you off. The same side that made him absolutely weak at the knees. 

The same side that did nothing helpful for his arousal situation. Especially not when you leaned up as far as your flexibility would allow, your breasts pressing into his chest. He thought for a terrifying moment you were about to bite against his ear, and if you did that, this night would end with him cumming in his pants on top of you. 

He was eternally grateful when you didn’t do that. 

“Go to bed, Captain.” That wasn’t much fucking better. Levi shivered incredibly noticeably at your breath dampening his helix, sending a pulse of electricity through his nerves. 

You relished in the now deep flush across his cheeks as you fell back onto the pillow, releasing his wrists from your hold. The corner of your lips quirked up in another smirk as you saw his internal debate, still frozen in complete shock. So you decided to be nice and help him on his way. “Sleep well.”

Fuck you. Fuck. You. Both literally and in the insulting sense. Levi barely gathered himself enough to clamber off you and leave without another word. Forgetting everything he’d brought to your room in favour of getting back to his own as fast as possible. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. FUCK. He could almost hear your wicked cackle in his head as he walked at the speed of light back to his quarters. Fuck you and you stupid fucking smirk and your stupid fucking hips and your stupid fucking mouth. 

He couldn’t think past his throbbing cock once again. And once again it was all because of you. He almost didn’t want to sort it out of some kind of twisted spite. He didn’t want to give you the satisfaction of knowing you fucked with his head – and cock – that badly. Not that you would know. You definitely had some idea, sure, but not the extent to which you messed with him. 

His resolve to stay strong and keep his hands from his dick crumbled the moment he crawled into bed after awkwardly pulling a pair of loose pants over his throbbing length. This was so stupid. So fucking stupid. How could you be in his head like this? Causing him to toss and turn, unable to get comfortable with a raging fucking hard-on. This was way too similar to the first time this happened, only, despite however long he waited, that ghostly pleasure didn’t start. 

Fine. Fucking– Fine! He’ll just get this over with quickly. The shower was too far away anyway. Reluctantly, Levi pushed down the hem of his pants, kicking them off his legs. It would be easier if he wasn’t wearing anything… right? He honestly had no idea. Would being on his back be better? It felt a little too exposed, so he turned onto his side. How did people do this regularly? He felt like he had a fucking mental checklist of things that needed to be right before he even thought about fisting his cock. 

Taking a heavy breath, Levi ghosted his hand down his front, skin prickling at his own featherlight touch before stopping just short of his arousal, suddenly feeling nervous. What if he did it wrong…? What if it didn’t feel good? Would he be disappointed? What if–

He used his questioning mind as a distraction, before wrapping his hand around his length. All rhetorics ceased with the warm honey seeping into his veins. Well, that’s one question answered. It felt good. Fuck, it felt really good. Levi really wanted to stay quiet during this, fearing that hearing himself would turn him off, but the way his breathing stuttered with each gentle, languid stroke was actually a strange aphrodisiac. He hummed a groan, closing his fist tighter around his cock, precum already copiously spilling from his tip, lathering both his palm and his pulsing shaft.

His other hand moved from where it was clutching the pillow by the side of his head, skirting down to grasp his soft, round balls, rolling them in his palm. His hips bucked along with a whimpered gasp, brows pinching as his eyes fluttered closed. He experimented with different holds, finding his euphoria building quicker when his thumb pressed against his prominent vein and his fingers circled his tip. This was different to last time. Last time, he was completely out of control, waiting on the whims of a phantom pleasure. But this time, he felt his high build slowly, working himself up before tightly gripping the base of his cock. He didn’t know why he was edging himself, assuming that’s what it was, he honestly just wanted this to last. He’d never made himself feel this good, never drew gravelly moans and fractured whines from his throat with his own hands. 

A strike of confidence overtook him, and he let his hand venture further down, resting against the spot between his ass and balls. Still feeling bold, he gently massaged the area, gasping loudly at the sudden spike of bliss. Levi’s mouth dropped open with a quiet wail, his hips now thrusting erratically into his own hold, fucking his fist whilst his fingertips ground against his taint in ever increasing circles. Another question answered. He would not be disappointed. Not when he could feel his high cresting. He couldn’t help himself. In the comforting darkness, he whispered out your name.

“G-gonna cum! Fuck, fuck…! G-gonna fucking cum o-ohahaah! Nghyes! Fu–” His voice cut off as he was dropped into a sea of ecstasy, oceans of pleasure roiling in his veins, crashing over his nerves as he managed to bring himself to orgasm. His thighs shook, trapping his hand between them as he failed to stop the rhythmless bucking of his hips, white seed expelling from his sensitive head and dribbling down his knuckles, staining the sheets below. 

Levi basked in the afterglow of his high before the inevitable post-orgasm clarity ruined his mood. He thought back to your vixen-like smile, your teasing lips. He swore he could hear you laughing at him, giggling maniacally at his desperation.

–Easy– 

Great. Even his own mind was teasing him now. Levi sighed, the weight of his situation lying heavily on his shoulders. Until the realisation hit him like a punch to the gut.

After all that, after everything that had just happened.

He still hadn’t dealt with your fucking knees.

“Eren, what the fuck?”

“You trying to kill us all?”

“We trusted you!”

Your blades held steady in your hands, heart pumping in your throat as you were poised to strike at a moment’s notice. Eren transformed out of nowhere, scattering you and your team to the floor, the wooden picnic bench now in splinters where his giant titan hand clutched a small spoon. You ignored the steady trickle of blood down your forehead from where a sharp splint had just sliced your skin, too busy focusing on your new enemy. The only thing standing between you two was your Captain.

“Calm down.” His order was ignored when you only gripped your blades tighter. Call it mutiny, you were not about to back down. Lives were in danger now. The lives of the people you cared about more than anything. He was an idiot for thinking you would just drop it.

“Captain, you’re standing too close, please step away!” At least Petra was on the same wavelength as you, voicing what you were thinking. But he held frustratingly steady, a hand held before him as if to stop you. But he couldn’t stop all of you.

“You’re the ones who need to step away. Stand down. Now.” You vaguely admired him for being able to keep his cool when faced with the drawn blades of the best Scouts in the regiment. “That’s an order.”

You didn’t care if the conviction of the other’s wavered. You were set. Another wrong move and Jaeger wouldn’t be a problem anymore. Erwin would just have to find another hope for humanity. Maybe one that possessed a head. 

“Are you an enemy of humanity, or are you not?!” Oluo shouted from your left, Eld, too, holding his blades tighter at the question. You did nothing but wait in panther-like hostility, anticipating the fucking second he would move to kill you all. You wouldn’t let that happen. Not on your life.

“Answer us, Eren!” It was Gunther this time, sounding like he genuinely wanted to believe in the teen. Of course he did, that was Gunther through and through. 

“I said stand down.” Levi reiterated, clipping his tone to the point of venom. A quick glance down told you he was talking to you. His Second. You knew he needed you on his side, but when faced with a threat this large, you had to rely on your gut. And he had to move out of the way. Your eyes returned to the struggling kid, but no sympathy entered your veins. Only the cold stone of protection. Bond or not, you still had to rely on yourself in certain situations. It hasn't done you wrong thus far. You could always rely on your gut. Always trust your gut. 

You watched as Eren squirmed and wriggled, trying to free himself from the fleshless arm. He could do that if he wanted, he could most likely find himself on the end of your blade though. The moment he came free and fell backwards, you were there. You hadn’t even noticed the arrival of Moblit and Hange, barely registered Levi’s harsh call of your name as your blade swung towards his neck–

Only to stop a hair’s breadth away from his throat. You could almost taste the kid’s fear, and you honestly relished in it. Good. He should be fucking scared. Betrayals like this aren’t taken kindly, and you would happily relieve his head from his shoulders. And you would have done, had your captain not stopped you with a hand grasped firmly on your shoulder. Honestly, if looks could kill, Levi would be six feet under. As would you. The tension was palpable as your entire squad watched a subconscious battle of attrition, a war between wills. A raging clash between ice and fire, stoicism against hotheadedness. The likes of which your squad had never seen. Not once had you clashed so fiercely with Levi before, and it wasn’t honestly a spectacle to witness. 

It felt like the charged silence warped on forever, before you slid your gaze from Levi to Eren on the floor, frozen in place. Eyes narrowing, you scrutinised him. Assessed him. Searched him for any fucking shadow of betrayal. It didn’t matter what came up of your search, because you sheathed your blade anyway, watching with a vicious snarl as he scrambled backwards. 

With your weapon away, Levi’s eyes shifted to the cut on your forehead, brows pinching in concern. But you honestly weren’t interested in his worries, having been put in an incredibly sour mood after this entire ordeal. You harshly shrugged off his burdened looks and hand from your shoulder, wincing away from his reaching fingers and stalking off away from the camp. 

Fuck this.

Now, sitting here back in the small dining room, your opinion may have shifted slightly. Maybe you’d overreacted just a little, though you didn’t really see how you were to blame for that. This was unexplored territory, of course you were going to be on edge. Sure, maybe pointing your razor blade in his neck could be considered ‘going overboard’, but you just called it ‘taking precautions’.

But the atmosphere in the dining room was heavy; laced with unspoken tension. Your squad all gathered around a dimly lit table, Levi standing off to the side slightly whilst Hange spoke to Eren about the spoon he was holding. You didn’t look up from the ground, despite the obvious flaw in your decision making. You didn’t understand how being threatened and acting accordingly was such a terrible thing, but by the look Levi was giving you, fuck you felt that in your soul. 

Was he really that disappointed?

Could you really blame him? 

“But still… Turning into a titan to pick up a spoon… What the hell’s up with that?” There was clear remorseful confusion on Eren’s face as he stared at his own hand, and in that second you understood just how brazenly you acted. Fuck.

“So basically, you didn’t act against orders on purpose, right?” Gunther asked, keeping a close eye on the kid. You knew you were all feeling the same.

“Right.” Eren responded, and Gunther sighed. You all did. You were wrong. You made the wrong call. Turning to look at Eld, you nodded at each other, same when your eyes met Petra’s. With a heavy heart, you raised your hand to your mouth and bit down on the flesh of your thumb. Hard. 

Hange looked slightly panicked at the spectacle before them, but Levi just watched. He understood. He felt the impact of your bite in his own hand, and he understood. Though he knew you bit harder than you needed to. A strain of painful pride blossomed in his chest.

“Wait, what are you doing?” Eren looked between you all in bafflement. 

“Ow. Fuck, that was hard. I’m impressed that you can do that, Eren.” Eld chimed, and you couldn’t help but smile. He always knew how to ease tension.

“This is our modest way of apologising after making the wrong call,” Gunther explained, “Not that it really makes a difference now.”

“Our job is to keep you in check after all! That was not a mistake. So don’t get ahead of yourself!” You almost snorted at Oluo’s justification. He never could stand being wrong, and you cringed at how much he tried to sound like the captain.

“I’m sorry, Eren. We were too on edge, and I can understand if you’re upset with us. But despite this, we want you to be able to rely on us, as we rely on you.” You’d almost never heard Petra sound so serious, but you supposed now was the best time for that. 

You knew it was your turn to acknowledge what you did. Stepping past your squad, you stood in front of the teen, your jaw set. “Eren… I acted too quickly, and you suffered for it. There’s no justification for how I behaved, and for that I can only apologise. I failed to recognise my job to not only protect my squad, but also you. As acting captain when Levi is away, I take responsibility for the decisions of the squad. And though the captain was present, this one was an error in my judgement.” You placed a hand on his shoulder. “I hope you can still trust us.” 

Eren looked utterly stunned, and Levi would have chuckled had he not been so caught off guard by your apology. There was that conviction he admired so much. He’d missed seeing your eyes flare in that way. 

“No, I understand. You were just doing your jobs…” Though Eren seemed unsure, you trusted him enough to make his own decision. Whether he could put his faith back in you, that was up for him to decide. You stepped back to the wall, folding your arms over your chest and glancing to where Levi was looking at you. 

‘I’m sorry.’ You tried to tell him, searching for that unspoken connection through his eyes. Your breath of relief couldn’t have been sweeter when he responded to you.

‘Forgiven.’ Is all he said. It was all he needed to say. Your resulting release of breath was reward enough.

Hange once again looked between the group awkwardly, not really understanding what the fuck just happened. “Well… now that’s over with, anyone down for a team-building game?” Honestly? Yeah, you were. In fact, you could genuinely think of nothing better than to relieve the tension with some fun. 

“What’d ya have in mind?” Eld asked, eyeing you with a quirked grin.

Hange thought for a moment, before a wicked smirk pulled at their lips. “Kiss or strip?”

“Hange, Eren’s fifteen years old. And why do all your games involve stripping?” You were a little surprised Levi chimed in. You honestly weren’t expecting him to stick around. But the idea of him staying to join you sent your stomach flipping.

“I uh– actually I’m probably going to head to bed. Today was… draining.” 

You pursed your lips to stop yourself from smiling at the obvious blush across poor Eren’s cheeks. You can’t blame the kid, you’d known your squad for years now, so stripping in front of them wasn’t an issue. Plus, you were all much older than him. You didn’t expect him to want to kiss any of you. 

“Ah! Excellent. Sleep well, Eren. Right, everyone in a circle. Anybody got a bottle?” Hange asked the moment Eren left the room. You sighed heavily, taking a seat on the floor next to Eld. 

“We should have expected this.” He muttered to you.

“We really should have.”

“Right!” Hange clapped their hands together, rubbing them slightly in excitement. Walls they were really terrifying sometimes. Placing a bottle in the middle, their manic eyes scanned the circle. “Who wants to go first?”

“Just spin it, Hange, nobody ever wants to go first.” You heart leapt. So he was going to join you! You felt Eld elbow you gently in the ribs, wiggling his eyebrows at your resulting scowl. Mentally cursing his name, Hange spun the glass in the centre, the neck landing on Moblit sitting next to them.

See, the thing with the Scouts, or at least the veterans, was that nobody was really out of bounds. Even so, on the list of things you thought you would see today, Levi and Moblit sharing a romantic moment was not one of them. If you weren’t so into him, you would almost root for their newly budding relationship. Even if a distant part of you was genuinely jealous at the fact fucking Moblit got a kiss before you did. 

After Hange and Gunther, the bottle landed on Oluo and Petra, and you watched to your absolute hilarity as Petra removed her jacket and handed it to him. You glanced at Eld in confusion, and he shrugged back at you. Petra never did explain what happened between them. Hange spun the bottle again, the neck landing on you. You were pretty comfortable with your entire squad, Hange and Moblit included, so the thought of having to kiss any of them didn’t really spark anything. Until you remembered Levi was playing, and suddenly it was like you couldn’t sit still. 

You couldn’t tell whether you were relieved or disappointed when the bottle landed on you again. Usually that would mean you would drink, but with the severe lack of alcohol, during this specific rendition, it just meant you’d kiss the person to your left. 

“Been a long time coming.” Eld grinned as you faced him.

“And whose fault is that?” You quipped back, folding your arms with a beam twice as bright. Without another word, Eld leaned down and quickly pecked your lips. You heard Petra’s gasp of delight across the circle, and made a mental note to hit her over the head after this game. 

“Anything?” Eld ask having pulled back, and you could safely say you were being truthful when you shook your head.

“About as sparkless as wet flint. Sorry, Pet.” You threw her pouting face a wink, before Hange nodded in approval. 

“Fair enough! Right neeeeeext up!” Hange spun the bottle again, and your calmed nerves flared up again the moment it landed back on you. Was this bottle weighted?

“Again? Damn, you’re really being favoured tonight,” Gunther snorted, and you rolled your eyes.

“Hardly.” You replied, uncrossing your legs and leaning back on your palms. It was extremely unlikely, right? Yeah, the odds weren’t in your favour with this game, and the probability of the bottle landing on Levi was so low that–

Well then.

You swallowed.

So did he. 

So much for low probabilities. The neck of the bottle taunted you by shaking slightly, before settling on your captain. Though you were nervous, excitement also fizzed in your gut. Finally, finally. You’d waited far too long for this. Though it was in a silly game, you thought this still counted, right? Yeah, this still counted. Your eyes met across the circle, and you could see that same spark of trepidation in his own steel irises. Fair enough, he too was nervous. That just made this slightly more special. You smiled to try to put him at ease, before freezing in your seat, expression stuck.

Levi took his jacket off. 

You blinked, slightly confused. Was he just warm? Or–

All your questions were answered when he handed it to you. Oh, this was nothing like the last time he did that. This was… this hurt. 

You were almost too stunned to take it, your numb fingers hooking beneath the leather and laying it down by your side. You almost wanted to take off the one you were wearing, also being his and all. You mildly appreciated the way Eld settled his hand over the one you were leaning on, trying to provide some semblance of comfort whilst you suffered this harsh slap in the face from reality.

Before that slap became a full on kick when the bottle landed on him and Petra, and he did kiss her. 

Eld squeezed your hand. 

You didn’t get it. You couldn’t get it. Had this whole fucking thing been some kind of sick, twisted joke? Had this whole thing been some fucked up game he’d been playing? Was he really that bored to the point he would fuck with your emotions like this? Were you even really bound? Or was that all bullshit too? Did he just fucking pretend? Was this all pretend?

You didn’t even register the rest of the game, thanking whatever merciful divinity intervened with fate and left you unpicked. Though the fucking second Hange released you all from their clutches, you were up and gone. Striding up the stairs and down the hall.

He called your name. You hadn't even realised he’d been following you until now, but this time you didn’t stop. You just kept walking, driven by a kind of hurt you’d never felt before. You wouldn’t cry. Not over this. You refused to. You’d been through so much worse than this, and yet this hurt so much more than anything else. Why? You thought you were good at handling rejection. You handled rejection from Eld pretty well, even if he didn't technically reject you. So why the fuck was this splitting your soul apart? You kept walking, heedless of Levi’s calls after you. You’d never been so angry. At everything. At yourself for reacting in such a strong way, at Levi for whatever the fuck that was, at Hange for even suggesting this stupid fucking game. You just wanted to go home. Fuck this mission, fuck these experiments, and fuck your stupid fucking, confusing, mixed signal giving, grumpy faced, irritatingly good-looking, annoyingly sweet, stupid fucking captain–

“Please, just stop,” you’d been too caught up in your head to hear his footsteps close in on you, only noticing the moment his hand wrapped around your swinging wrist, stopping you in your tracks. You didn’t turn. You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of showing him you were upset. Fuck him.

Levi found himself at a loss. He didn’t know how to explain himself. He’d wanted to kiss you. Shit, he’s wanted to kiss you for so fucking long, but just… not in front of everyone. Not for your first kiss. And shamefully, he didn’t know if he could control himself. The bond he had to you had done things to him, made him feel things he’s never even felt a whisper of before. Disgusting, repulsive, filthy things he was so fucking ashamed of he could barely look you in the eye most days. But he couldn’t let you leave thinking he did what he did because he didn’t want to kiss you. 

“Let go…” It was a weak attempt, but you tried to pull your hand from his grip, only for his hold to tighten. You grit your teeth. “Levi, let go of me.” 

Every fibre of your self control was poured into keeping your voice steady, though your hand shook slightly. “I swear to the fucking Walls Levi if you don’t let go of me I will hurt you.” Physically or emotionally, you weren’t sure yet. You just wanted him to hurt as much as you were right now.

Little did you know he already did. You didn’t have to turn around for him to know you were in agony. He could fucking feel it, only made worse by the fact that was all his fault.  He hated it; despised this feeling. But he couldn’t hold you against your will, so he reluctantly let go. He felt like all his prayers were answered when you didn’t immediately leave. 

“I couldn’t.” It was as much of an explanation as he could manage right now. He didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know how he could make this feeling go away. 

“I don’t understand.” His heart shattered at the confused desperation lacing your now quaking voice. “I don’t get it. One moment I think there’s something between us, but then it’s like I don’t exist. No, it's worse than that. It’s like you can’t bear to be around me.  I’m sorry I fucked up today. I’m sorry I ignored your orders and undermined your authority, but fuck! I didn’t think you hated me this much, Levi. Enough to mess me around like this. Enough to be more comfortable kissing Petra than kissing me. So I’m going to give you two choices–” you finally turned, eyes hardened with heartbroken rage, “Sever the bond between us, and stay the fuck away from me. I’ll transfer squads and we won’t have to see each other nearly as much,” 

No. He wasn’t doing that. He couldn’t do that. It would most likely kill him, as selfish as that was. He didn’t want to be away from you, being away from you wasn’t an option. And the thought of severing the bond… his blood burned from the inside at the thought. It was physically painful to even consider. 

“Or,” – you continued – “you talk to me. Just… tell me what’s going on. Because I genuinely can’t continue with things as they are between us. I don’t know where to go, I don’t know where I stand. I can never tell if i’m important to you or if i’m worth the same as the fucking dirt off your boots. And it’s agony, Levi. I don’t know if you know, but it’s–”

“I know.” That made you stop. You hadn’t taken a moment to really look at him, too trapped in your own pain to open your eyes and see him suffering from it. It was the moment that pushed you over the edge, two tears finally spilling down your cheeks. 

“Then why?” Your voice broke slightly. “If you can feel this too then, I don’t understand… Why?” 

“Because I don’t fucking know what I’m doing,” Levi ran a hand through his hair, muttering an exasperated curse. “It’s not that I don’t want to kiss you. Fuck, I’ve wanted to kiss you for so fucking long but I don’t– shit. I don’t know if I’d– I can’t– Fuck.” 

You almost wanted to leave. You almost wanted to turn around and leave this conversation, and him, behind. You didn’t want to stand here in pain anymore. “Levi…”

“This fucking bond. It’s– I don’t know, it’s fucking done something. I just– I can’t fucking stop myself. I can’t stop myself when it comes to you. And I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself there either. I just fucking can’t, and I need to know you… want this, before anything happens.” 

You both fell silent. You, processing what he’d just said, and Levi, waiting in throat-constricting anticipation. 

“So… you didn’t want to kiss me because you were afraid of getting hard in front of everyone?” You asked, the slight wry mischief in your tone shining through the heartache. 

Levi sighed in embarrassed relief. “Somethin’ like that.” He muttered, unable to meet your gaze. Until your soft hand on the side of his cheek guided him back to your gentle visage.

“Do you see me pulling back?” You questioned quietly, and Levi swallowed hard. You’d used his words against him, and honestly… that was the final straw. Searching your eyes one last time for any semblance of doubt, the moment his search came up empty, Levi closed the gap between you, and pressed his lips to yours. 

Fuck, they were just as soft as he imagined. He felt your release of held breath against his cupid’s bow as you relaxed, your hold on his cheek slackening to your arms draping over his shoulders. It took all of his willpower not to cum in his fucking pants just from kissing you.

You whimpered quietly as his arms snaked around your waist, holding you close. You never thought your first kiss with him would be in the middle of a dark castle hallway, but honestly it was candid enough that you really didn’t mind. You daringly ran your tongue along the seam of his closed mouth, and at his soft groan, something in you locked into place.

It seemed Levi felt it as well, as you both pulled away from each other abruptly, eyes wide in hungry awe. Arousal thundered through your veins, and all your clothes suddenly felt suffocating. You stared at each other for what felt like far too long…

Before Levi tugged you back against him, and borderline attacked your mouth. Roaming hands slid from your back to your ass, gripping tightly as he hoisted you up against the wall, tugging your thighs around his hips. Levi moaned against your lips as you opened your mouth, allowing for him to taste you, and for you to taste him. 

He doesn’t know why he expected anything else. Of course you tasted sweet, you tasted like fucking strawberries. He didn’t know if it was the bond making your taste like his favourite goddamn fruit, but he honestly couldn’t have cared less at this moment. He just wanted to taste you. To feel you. Fuck, he just wanted you.

You tightened your legs around his hips, sucking on his tongue as you ground your dampening cunt against his growing arousal, dragging a cracked whine from his throat. Your hands yanked against his cravat, loosening it around his neck and not bothering to take it off before you borderline ripped the first few buttons open on his shirt. You’d never felt this kind of desperation before, never felt this insatiable hunger for somebody else’s body before. But you sure as shit could get used to it.

You’d barely managed to expose his collar before your lips were against his neck, suckling sweet bruises into his pale skin, only barely having the mind to leave them below his shirt’s neckline. You felt his grunting against your tongue as you left a trail of saliva along the side of his throat.

Levi could do nothing but pant into your hair and pulse his hips into the apex of your thighs, eyes rolling as your teeth scraped against his pulse point. He almost told you to suckle there, but he had the same thought. He didn’t want you to leave marks where they could be seen. Your soft lips travelled up to his ear, nibbling and nipping against the flesh of his helix, your breath hot and damp. He wanted to turn the tides, but he was completely helpless to your assault, bucking into you as your nails scratched against the fuzz of his undercut.

You felt the tingles in your own hair, the bites on your own body as you skipped back down to his collarbone, biting harshly against his skin and watching in satisfaction as the blood rushed to the surface, colouring the patch a dark purple. You went to make another, before being harshly shoved back by your dishevelled looking partner. A gorgeous rouge had spread across his cheeks and down his neck, his hair mussed from your groping as his heated glare shot straight to your soaking core.

“My turn.” Was all he hissed, before his mouth devoured the valley between your neck and your shoulder. You felt him shiver as his teeth sank into your flesh tongue soothing the hurt before moving an inch down and repeating the same action. His hands were rough in removing any clothing obstacles from his path, the neckline of your t-shirt cracking as it was stretched beyond its shape, before snapping completely.

“Fuck, Levi…” That was his name you were moaning. His name you were whimpering as he trailed kisses down the valley of your breasts. Your head fell back against the wall, hands returning to his hair to grab and paw at. Levi groaned against you, mouth occupied with suckling blossoms into your skin before you unhooked your legs from around his hips.

He understood the message, gently setting you down on your feet, but he kept his hands around you, still holding your waist as his nipping mouth travelled back up the side of your neck to leave a lingering kiss against your lips. Pulling back a fraction, you panted heavily against each other, mouths barely grazing. You were the first to speak.

“I really don’t want to fuck you in a hallway, Levi, but I fucking swear if we don’t move somehwere else I will suck you dry here and now.” 

Levi felt his cock pulse desperately at the husk in your voice, the temptation in your ‘threat’ messing with his arousal-clouded head.

“As tempting as option B is…” he didn’t finish his sentence before picking you back up in his arms, your legs now wrapping around his abdomen instinctually. “I want to take you to bed.” 

The smile you gave him cut through the heady heat in his mind, the way your eyes lit up and sparkled in the flickering torchlight, the corners of your mouth pulling up into a dazzling beam. Levi always found you attractive, but the woman he was gazing at now was positively ethereal. Haloed by orange light, he brushed messy, loose strands of hair from your face, supporting you in his hold with one arm. 

“You’re so pretty,” he murmured almost absently, eyes tracing the way gentle pink slowly saturated your cheeks. You really were gorgeous to him. Complete perfection. Your lack of response had him grinning slightly, knowing he’d flustered you. He made a mental note to tell you how beautiful you were everyday, before you hid yourself in the crook of his neck, paying him back by softly teasing against an unknown sensitive spot just behind his ear.

Levi felt you shiver in his arms as he carried you down the hall, knees weakening with each kitten lick of your tongue against his skin. His straining cock throbbed with each step, begging for something, anything, to relieve the heated throbbing that had accumulated between his thighs. Briefs and pants rubbing uncomfortably against his sensitive tip, and with your teeth scraping down his neck, it was all he could do to just keep walking, teeth grit against the primal urge to set you down and let you have your way with him. But Levi swallowed his pride.

“P-please, I can’t– fuck, just s-stop for a moment, because at this rate we’re not going to make it somewhere quiet.” You chuckled darkly at his use of the word ‘we’, but acquiesced nonetheless. Levi huffed a relieved breath, thankful for the slow in pace, before shouldering open the nearest bedroom door. He knew you weren’t exactly happy with him for the spring clean yesterday afternoon, but he couldn’t be more grateful that all the rooms had fresh, new sheets and bedwear. 

Levi kicked the door closed behind him, setting you down for the second time. Your feet touched the ground for all of one moment before you pushed him up against the door, mouth latching back against the spot on his neck that made him ask you to stop. But this time, no such request came your way. Nimble fingers popped open the remaining buttons of his shirt, revealing his chiselled torso and marble cut abs. Shoving back the fabric of both his jacket and shirt, you set your mouth lower on his chest, leaving fresh maroon marks against his pale skin with your teeth. 

Shuddering, Levi let his shirt and jacket drop to the floor, for once not caring about how messy it would look, and your hands instantly slid up his front, ghosting over his naval. He cracked a soft whimper at your attention, squirming slightly as you mouthed closer to his nipple. You looked up at his expression wryly, lips still attached to his chest, before enveloping his pebbled sensitivity in your mouth. 

You moaned slightly in response to his airy cry, your own arousal spiking as you felt his pleasure. Levi’s back arched, pushing his chest into your mouth, writhing as your tongue flicked over his little bud. His hands threaded through your hair, his scalp tingling in an echo, as you shoved your thigh between his legs. You pulled back to mutter a curse as he started to grind against your leg, clit throbbing in tandem with each rock of his hips. 

You switched sides, showing his other nipple attention whilst you rolled the one abandoned between your thumb and forefinger. Your pitched whines sent shivers down his spine, his soaked cock twitching in response. Levi’s eyes rolled back into his head, hands moving to your waist as he rocked himself against your thigh. With a final harsh suck against his nipple, wrenching another airy yelp from him, you buried your nose in the side of his neck, encouraging his movements by jolting your leg against his clothed length, your cunt throbbing.

“Y-yeah, k-keep doing that, f–ah-aah! Fuck that feels so fucking good ‘Vi.” You moaned in his ear, feeling his grip on your waist tighten at your words.

“You can–nghaah! Y-you feel that?” he stuttered, barely able to form a sentence, the friction becoming too much to handle. You tugged on his hair in response, his eyes flying open, draw dropping with an embarrassingly loud groan. 

“Yeah, yeah I c-can feel it,” you nodded erratically, feeling the thrusts of his hips increase to a desperate, sloppy rhythm. You felt the build of his high in your own approaching orgasm. You weren’t even being stimulated directly and yet you were going to cum. Hard. 

Bliss bubbled in his loins, a feeling he now recognised. Fuck he was getting close, so so fucking close. He swore if this stopped like the first time he would genuinely break down crying. It clicked just as you leaned into his ear. 

“Make us cum, Levi.”

Clenching his teeth did nothing against the plethora of strangled moans he let loose upon reaching his high. Levi shuddered hard as his pleasure crested into bliss, his head lightly thumping against the door, cumming in his pants. Losing control of his hips, you just managed to take over through your own shaking euphoria, whining softly into his ear with your leg still grinding against his twitching length, head pulsing dribbling seed from his sensitive tip, drenching the front of his briefs. 

You cunt clenched around nothing when you felt his orgasm as your own. Honey laced your blood as you buried your head in his neck, riding out your simultaneous peaks. Your high pitched whisper of his name had him growling yours in response, arms coming up to hold you close to him. 

Levi shivered as he came down from his high, though his cock still throbbed desperately. He needed you. He needed to feel you, to be inside you. But through the slightly cleared arousal, he managed to form some kind of thought.

“That was you…” he strained, still holding you tight against him.

“What was me?”

“I could feel you. Shit, I could feel you fuck yourself… Walls, you’re insatiable. Twice? Really? I had to leave that fucking meeting because of you. Sh-shit that’s… that’s so–” Levi cut himself off with a soft groan as you pulled your thigh away from his crotch. You would have felt guilty, had you not just paid him back. Not only that, but he must have cum twice that day as well. 

You started to suckle on his neck again, finding it almost impossible to attach your lips to a patch of skin without a hickey. “That was entirely your fault. And you’re also guilty, Mister ‘I jerked off last night,’” you murmured against him.

“How the fuck were either of those times my fault?” Levi asked dazedly, slowly sliding his jacket from your shoulders, taking the pace down slightly. Now the initial frenzy seemed to have calmed, he wanted to take his time with you, though his raging hard-on protested blindly. 

You smiled slightly at the ghostly touch of his fingers on your skin, goosebumps prickling as he raised your t-shirt up to your midriff, nodding in confirmation after he paused for consent, before raising your arms to help him remove it. You watched his eyes widen slightly, the same expression he made briefly when he knocked on your dorm room door that morning, and you emerged half-clothed. In fact, you were wearing the exact same things as you were now. Your binding and uniform pants. Only missing the loose hanging harness from your hips. Leaning back in, you took his hands and placed them back on your body, brushing your nose against his. “Because you should have just kissed me that day. After poker. I wanted you to. Would have saved us both a lot of trouble,” you smirked against his lips. 

Levi huffed, barely able to focus as he felt your body for the first time. Your skin ignited beneath his touch, and he marvelled at the way your muscles clenched slightly. You were so sensitive, reacting to his fingertips softly grazing up to your breasts, the slightest hint of two peaks pushing through the fabric. Fuck he wanted to take them in his mouth, but all in good time, he reminded himself. He fiddled with the elastic hem of the binding, idly admiring your face. “I wanted to. You were very tempting that night. I liked watching you strip.”

You snorted a laugh, cupping the side of his face with your palm and smoothing the bone of his cheek with your thumb. “I’m kind of glad you didn’t,” Levi raised a brow of confusion, and you pressed a kiss to his swollen lips. “Means this feels so much better.” 

Lifting your arms again, you let him drag your binding up your shoulders, joining the growing pile of clothes on the floor. With your breasts now free, Levi seemed to have stopped working. Mouth slightly agape, he stared wide-eyed at your naked torso, unable to form any kind of thought. His dick felt like it was going to snap in half if it wasn’t freed soon, still stewing in the mess of his previous orgasm.

“Fuck… Fuck! Look at you… Shit you’re just– fuck, you’re fucking gorgeous.” You kept eye contact as you sauntered backwards, hand sliding down his arm to lace your fingers together, leading him further into the room. You bit your lip sensually as you smiled, slowly looking him up and down as you kicked off your boots.

“Wait ‘til you see the rest.” 

Levi crossed with purpose and plunged his mouth back onto yours, no hesitation in the invasion of his tongue. You leapt up into him, letting his arms support and carry you to the bed against the far corner. Without being able to see where he was going, the second his knees hit the edge of the bed, Levi let himself fall forward, his tongue still lapping at the roof of your mouth as the covers and mattress cushion your fall. His wandering hands set fire to your already heated core, desperation spiking when he moved from your mouth down to your jaw, peppering soft little presses down your throat, nipping against your protruding collarbone. 

Hands found soft hair as you laced your fingers in his locks, breath hitching as his rough tongue licked a column up the valley of your breasts, turning his head slightly and biting against the soft flesh of your inner mound. You breathed a whimper, hot breath inching ever closer to your own pebbled sensitivity. Only after quietly begging him, did he finally close his lips over your nipple, sucking against the electric peak. You arched into his touch, feeling the vibrations of his own moaning against your breast.

Levi switched to your other bud, hands ghosting along the hem of your pants, slowly flicking the buckle of your belt free and pinching your zipper between his thumb and forefinger. Not that you could even think to notice with his teeth clamping down on your nipple, tongue flitting over the hardened pebble in apology, before performing the exact same dance. Grinding his hips into the bedspread below, Levi hooked his fingers into your pants, dragging the fabric down your thighs as you raised up slightly to help him. His mouth left your chest, biting a bath down your stomach, over your navel to your pelvis. You kicked off your uniform pants, quivering as only a thin layer of fabric separated your heat from his touch. 

He almost drooled as you opened your legs for him, eyes instantly trained on the darker patch at your apex where your slick had soaked through the fabric. Your breath heaved as he nipped at the sensitive flesh of your inner thighs, huffing a small laugh when he whimpered, having felt it too. 

Your scent invaded his nose as he brushed against your ruined underwear, his cock twitching in anticipation. Inhaling again, his eyes rolled back when his hips bucked into the sheets below, savouring the few moments of arousal charged hesitation, before setting his mouth over that dark patch on the fabric, and sucking hard. 

Your head fell back against the pillows, groaning carnally to the ceiling, his own vibrating against your swollen clit. You heard the scrunching of fabric as he continued to grind into the mattress, your slick bud pulsing along with every thrust. It was strange to feel the sharp echo of a different pleasure, and you wanted so much to explore with him. To see where each part of yourselves resembled the other. For now, all you understood was that when the tip of his cock was stimulated, you felt it in your clit. 

Levi’s tongue poked out to slowly and gently circle over your cunt, pushing the fabric of your underwear further into your soaking hole and watching as your slick saturated through more of the cloth. Fuck that was hot. But he was getting tired of all these layers, specifically on you. Even one was too much. Kissing back up to your hip, he took the hem of your underwear between his teeth, and you almost came at the sight of him dragging them down your thighs with his fucking mouth. You kicked them off the second they were low enough.

Levi swore. And again. And a third time as you parted your legs and exposed your dripping cunt to him, positively glistening in the low light. If he was being honest, he didn’t really know what he was doing. He’d only had one experience previously, and he didn’t even cum during that. But he had the extra help of feeling your own pleasure, knowing roughly that if it felt good for him on his body, it felt better for you on yours. 

Before he could start, however, you sat up and instantly set your hands on his belt. Understanding your urgency, Levi let you remove it for him, grunting as you snapped it from his waist. His heart and cock lurched as you looked at it for a moment too long, clearly contemplating something, before deciding against it and dropping the leather to the floor. He couldn’t say he wasn’t a little relieved. 

Shoving his pants down, he stood to slide them down his legs and kick them off along with his boots. Your breath caught audibly when his rock hard length bobbed against the soaking tent in his briefs. Your teeth sank into your lower lip again as his thumbs hooked under the hem, attempting to stifle your drooling as he pulled his underwear down as well. You swore you came a little at the sight. 

Fuck, he was beautiful. Tip all flushed pink, the same colour as his sore, bitten lips. His shaft pulsating, coated in a shining, thin sheen of his own cum. Your wandering eye spied a delicious looking vein running up the underside, and you ached to run your tongue down it. 

“Come here.” You held your arms out to him, and Levi’s heart doubled in size at the gesture. Though the moment he got close enough, you stopped him from clambering back on the bed with you. Hands against his waist, he let you guide him to stand next to where you were sitting instead. “‘M gonna clean you up, okay?” 

Levi swallowed, nodding slightly as he attempted to steady himself. But the second your hand wrapped around him and your tongue delivered a kitten lick to his tip, all preparations flew out the window. His jaw slacked open with a sharp gasp, barely able to stand the sight of you lying on your front, playing with the head of his cock. He moaned along with you the second your lips puckered around his tip, hands fisting in your hair as the slick muscle of your tongue swept circles over his sensitive slit, watching with slight awe as your hips squirmed into the bed. He made his mind up then not to let you make him cum. He had a feeling the score wasn’t even close to being settled between you two, knowing that you had now made him cum three times, and he’d only made you cum once. 

Your teasing circles grew in circumference, before you flattened your tongue and took him further down your throat, dragging your muscle against that vein you’d seen earlier and drawing a gravelly whimper from his throat. Though you’d promised only to clean him up, you couldn’t help continuing, spurred on by your own stimulation and his carnal noises.

“Fuck… that’s– Y-yeah, ‘s good, so good…!” Levi’s hips bucked as your moaning vibrations echoed in his cock, his hands tightening in your hair. All your senses were consumed with him, his gently salty tang coating your tastebuds, the smell of his cedar soap a cooling balm for your nose as you had to compensate for the loss of your mouth. The feel of him on your tongue, throbbing and pulsing, thigh tensing beneath your hand. You could barely crane your neck up to watch his expression twist and contort in pleasure, eyes two pools of inky black, hair mussed and dishevelled. Fuck he looked so good. You held him in your throat, listening to his broken whines, just about able to squeeze out a whimper of your own as you cunt clenched around nothing. 

“O-off, fuck, st-stop! Don’t wan-nghahaah! Don’t w-wanna cum y-yet!” You relinquished your hold on his shaft, licking up the precum oozing from his tip. Levi panted heavily, his hands loosening their hold in your hair, only to run his fingers through his own. “Fuck, you’re way too good at that…” You grinned wildly, rolling onto your back and once again guiding him by his waist. His thigh brushed the inside of yours as you welcomed him into your hold, hands holding himself up either side of your head. You looked angelic. Hair splayed in a messy halo, lips bitten and raw, chest heaving. The angle looked oddly familiar, and you both smiled at the realisation. 

You took a contented breath. You’d expected a few more nerves when sleeping with Levi for the first time, but nothing had felt more natural or more comfortable before in your life. You felt cared for, worshipped. Loved. The faint echo of another heartbeat synced in your chest, and nothing had felt more right. Your thumb swept across his cheekbone, and you melted when he instantly leant into your touch. It had been far too long since you lips were on his, and Levi seemed to agree, eagerly opening his mouth when you arched up into him

A mixture of his own taste and your natural sweetness greeted him like a warm hearth, his hips rolling into your heat in response. You answered, hand skirting down to take him in your palm, and position him at your aching, needy cunt. Levi pulled back, gazing into your widened pupils. 

“You want this?” He had to ask. He had to have explicit confirmation from you. Bond of no bond, love or just lust, he had to have your verbal consent. He would never be able to live with himself if you regretted anything today. “I don’t know what will happen between us after… I don’t know how far this bond will go, but after this… I don’t think there’s any going back.” You’d honestly never heard such sweeter words. 

“I don’t want to go back. I want to explore this with you, I want to have this with you. I just want you, Levi.” The corners of your eyes crinkled as you smiled up at his expression of slack-jawed awe. 

“Can… Can you say that again?” He asked quietly, unable to take his eyes off you. You pushed his bangs back, cradling his cheek in your palm.

“I just want you.” 

Unable to speak, Levi stooped down and poured all his gratitude and adoration into your mouth, his tongue lapping against yours as he slowly, tenderly pushed the tip of his cock through your folds. You gasped against his lips, clit pounding as you sucked him in. Fuck, you’d barely started and you were already on the edge of an orgasm. You knew Levi felt it too, judging by the way he had to stop to just breathe, burying his head in your neck to try and quiet himself. But his groaning vibrated against your skin. 

Nothing you’d ever experienced had felt this good. The echo of his own pleasure throbbed in your cunt, your walls convulsing against his shaft as he pushed a little further inside, once again having to stop. It was torture of the best kind. Feeling him bob and twitch inside you, his teeth on your shoulder, your nails down his back. You could feel all of it. 

As could he. Which is why Levi could only move so much before his thighs started to shake again. Fuck, he was only halfway inside you and it was already too much. Every micro-movement had his balls pulsing, his tip leaking desperately inside you, essences merging. It was so much and so good. You felt so silky, wrapping around him like that, heat scorching against his sensitive cock. You were so fucking tight, so wet he could almost hear the squelching of every helpless buck of your hips. 

Inhaling a deep breath, Levi bit down harder on your shoulder, taking the leap and fully sheathing himself inside you. Your loud, broken moans danced with each other, your nails digging further into the muscles of his back. Chest heaving, breath heavy, Levi pulled back again to survey how you were doing. No better than him, he saw, though your delighted, slightly delusional smile could light up funerals. 

“Good?” He managed to breath, gritting his teeth against your walls clenching around him. 

You nodded, your sweat slicked hair sticking to your forehead. “Y-yeah, that’s one word for it. Fuck ‘Vi you feel fucking incredible.” Wrapping your legs around his hips, heels pressed into his lower back, you started to grind your cunt against his pelvis.

“Haa-aah! Fuck! Don’t… don’t do that. And st… stop fucking clenching like that! Gonna make me cum t-too soon.” He sounded a lot whinier than he meant to, pleading and begging with you rather than asking you. Your juices gushed at the sound of his cracking voice, his composure torn to shreds. 

You fucking giggled at his desperation laced tone, and he punished you for it with a quick thrust. Your amusement turned instantly to bliss, forcing another pitched gasp from your chest. Of course, he wasn’t unaffected, and Levi learnt pretty quickly that any punishments for you fell back on him tenfold. 

He pulled out a fraction, withdrawing his hips from the crease of your thighs, before pushing back in. It was all he could handle at the moment, these fractional micromovements. He assumed, under normal circumstances, they would do nothing for an ordinary partner. But you seemed just as affected as he was, keeping eye contact whilst he managed to fall into some kind of slow, sensual rhythm. Sweat beaded on his brow, slipping down the side of his head as you leaned up to press your lips against his. It was nothing more than soft contact and an exchange of breath. More than enough.

You followed his lead with pacing, back arching into his thrusts as he started to find himself. Your brows pinched, mouth dropping open with a stuttering whine as he brushed that spot inside you that sent you cross-eyed. What you weren’t expecting, however, was for Levi to suddenly slam his hips against yours, right into that same spot with a shattering cry. If it didn’t feel so good for you, you would have asked if something was wrong. You managed another question instead.

“Wh-where?” You asked. ‘Where do you feel it?’

Levi kept up his sudden change in pace, his balls slapping against the seam of your ass. “Haah, ah, in-inside! I– I don’t kn-aah! F-feels good!” You understood, too incoherent to unpack whatever the fuck that meant. You mewled along with him, eyes rolling into your skull as you became nothing but a ball of ecstacy. 

Keeping a steady rhythm soon became impossible, urgency fueling every buck of his hips, the dragging of your walls down his cock coercing him ever closing to a blinding high. He didn’t know if he would survive, honestly, and somewhere in the back of his mind, he was only vaguely concerned about noise. Only to find that he didn’t really care. Not when you were writhing and squirming beneath him.

The moment your fingertip glazed over your clit, Levi lost all control. Grabbing your wrist, he shoved your hand back above your head, replacing your fingers with his own. His tip throbbed and pulsed in stimulation, and he felt the knot in his gut tighten exponentially.

“Don’t… ngha-haah! Fuck! Don’t stop… ‘Vi, sh-shit, don’t– don’t stop. Feels s-so fucking good.” 

You started whimpering his name over and over again like some kind of mantra, throwing your head back with a cracked scream when he shoved your thighs from around his waist over his shoulders. He was no better with his volume, eyes falling shut as he borderline wailed from the shift of angle, that foreign sensitivity inside him stimulated to the point of numbness. 

Your hands clawed the sheets beside your head, and Levi couldn’t help taking them into his own, threading your fingers together as you approached your highs together. Leaning down, you whimpered as he stretched your legs. 

“I’m yours, Levi.”

The world seemed to fracture for a moment, before knotting back together as he was thrown over the edge by your words. Your mouth dropped open, back bowing to the point of possession as you let the embers of the bond consume you. Pleasure ripped through your veins like a hurricane as you clenched around his pulsating cock. You couldn’t tell if you were screaming, blood pumping too loudly in your ears to hear anything. All you knew was white. All you knew was stars and ecstasy. All you knew was him.

Levi threw his head back, eyes rolling and screwing shut as his hips slammed into your own one final time before he came with a roar of your name. Length twitching and quivering, he released himself into your soft cunt, painting your walls white with each wave of stuttering euphoria. He found himself bucking into your relentlessly, silently begging you to milk him for all he’s worth, your slick heat trapping him in a vice grip. Rope after rope of his seed spilled into your insatiable pussy, his toes curling with the endless crashing of pleasure. 

Levi stayed sheathed inside you, slowly moving your legs down from his shoulders before collapsing into your sweat soaked body. He could hear your heartbeat in your chest, and feel it in his own. Stronger than before. 

You felt both light and heavy at the same time. You felt both lost and found. A dichotomy of emotions roiling in your mind, but there was one thing you could settle on. You felt whole. That echoing thumping in your chest louder than before. Each brush of your fingers against his skin was felt as if it were against your own. Something had made a home in your heart, mind and soul. No, not something. Not just someone. Levi. 

“Do you…?” You were almost afraid to ask if he felt it as well, but when he managed to lift his head from your chest to look you in the eye, and the moment you saw silver slivers line his irises, you knew he did. He felt it too. 

You both whimpered slightly as he finally pulled out, huffing a breath against the salty skin of your neck. Levi’s arms slowly wrapped around your body, turning you both so you were lying on his chest. He honestly just wanted to hold you. Though he’d just been as close to you as one person could possibly get to another, he just wanted to feel you against him. He’d never been so completely overcome with a sense of belonging before. But here, now, lying with you resting against the combined rhythm of your beating hearts, is where he found his home. 

Something shifted down the Ackerman bloodline. A bond had been solidified, another branch from his ancestral tree snapping into place. Levi felt it in his blood, and judging by your searching eyes, you too noticed. 

“You alright?” He asked tenderly, swiping your hair from your brow. You shifted upwards to press a gentle kiss to his lips. 

“More than alright. I like feeling your heart.” He understood what you meant. Though your fingers rested over his chest, he knew you meant his rhythm in your heart. “I just want to know what else this… unlocks? Don’t really know how to describe that, but I just, I can feel you.” You nuzzled into his neck and his hand came to cradle your head. “And I wanna find out where you feel everything. ‘Inside’ wasn’t exactly very descriptive.” You teased, earning yourself a light slap to your side.

“I’ll draw you up a map next time.” Levi’s soul chimed along with your laugh. Should he say it? Would now be a good time? Or were those words too weighty for your first time together? They felt a bit too much, the night already charged with heightened emotion. Did he even need to say it? You most likely felt it anyway, but he knew he would need to say it at some point. More than that, he wanted to say it. Just… not yet.

Levi sighed contently, going to turn onto his side and tuck you safely into his chest, before the slight movement from his legs prompted a small wince. You, of course, noticed it.

“You okay?” His thumb instantly smoothed the crease of worry between your brows.

“‘M fine. I just, I knew I was out of practice, but fuck my thighs burn.” Your brows furrowed in brief confusion, before softening in instant realisation. 

“Oh, that’s actually probably mine. You’re not the only one out of practice.”

“You feel like this every time?”

“Not every time. Only the times when my partner decides to fucking bend me in half.” You sharply bit at his nose and he waved you off.

“Tch, it felt good, didn’t it?” 

“Wait ‘til you feel the cramps of my periods, Levi. This is fucking nothing in comparison.” You cackled as his expression fell to something of genuine fear. He hadn’t even thought about that. “Looks like it’ll be me bringing you soup and tea.” You grinned, your tongue poking out between your teeth. He adored it. 

He shifted again, grunting in discomfort as the pain in your thighs barked in protest. “You’re gonna have to carry me to the shower. I can’t move.” You cackled again, and Levi thought that if he died now, he would be happy.

“If I'd known I was going to be bound to a two hundred pound man child I would have thought twice. Carry yourself.” You attempted to shove him but he only made himself heavier, now having shifted back on top of you.

“No, you wouldn’t have. You are bound to a two hundred pound man-child. And this man-child is in pain. Where’s your compassion?” 

“In my cunt along with your leaking cum.”

“Fucking Walls you can’t just casually say shit like that!” Levi felt the vibrations of your laughter in his chest, melting further into your embrace when your hands gently sifted through his hair, scratching lightly against the fuzz of his undercut. “Don’t do that either, we need to clean up.” He mumbled sleepily into your skin. Naturally, you didn’t stop, feeling the pull of sleep on your own lids. 

“We can doze for a few minutes…” You mumbled into his hair as he wrapped his arms around your middle once again, and turned you on your side, this time his head tucked into your chest.

“Fine… but don’t fall asleep on me.” 

“Would I ever?”

It took all of two minutes, before you were both out like a candle in the wind.

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[tightjeansjavi]

Burning in a Hopeless Dream

Boston QZ: Part 15

“They See Right Through Me”

Joel Miller x f!o/c

A/N: thank you for your patience as I took the time to write this for y’all. This was not only the longest chapter I have written, this was also the hardest, and emotionally challenging one thus far. I am extremely proud of how this has turned out. Thank you for reading ♡

Summary: Save who you can save Joel.

~word count: 11.7k~

Warnings: age gap (o/c is in her early 30’s Joel is in his 50’s) established relationship, angst, dark! Joel, mean! Joel. You’re gonna hate him by the end of this chapter! Joel, canon typical violence, death of a major character, trauma, arguments, gaslighting, PTSD, anger, rage, heart break, triggering themes that may be disturbing for some viewers. Please proceed with caution and read the warnings. (+18) minors dni !

Songs for this chapter:

“The Archer” By Taylor Swift

“You Are My Sunshine” by The Civil Wars

“Godspeed” By Frank Ocean

“Same Old Same Old” by The Civil Wars

“take a moment to breathe” by normal the kid

“My Cell” The Lumineers

“Paper Houses” by Niall Horan

“Wait” by M83

“Save Yourself” by KALEO

“It’ll All Work Out” by Phoebe Bridgers

Summer, 2023 : 5 Miles outside the QZ

“From this point forward, the three of us have to actively remember that Ellie is just a kid.” You spoke, sitting along an old crate in the abandoned building you, Joel, and Tess had found to take cover from the storm. Ellie was asleep, in the middle of the room. She used her backpack as a pillow, under a bed of moss.

Joel scoffed alongside you. His hand was still bloodied and bruised up. The thin skin of his knuckles were torn, shredded, and you were doing your best to clean out any debris embedded in the flesh. “She ain’t just a kid. She’s fuckin’ cargo to us.” He gritted out. He could feel the muscles, and tendons in his hand twitching. He had definitely broken it from the amount of times his fist made contact with the FEDRA soldiers face.

“Does she fucking look like cargo to you Joel? That’s a kid who’s life just got drastically turned upside down in a matter of hours. All she’s clearly known is Marlene, and the fireflies, and now 3 strangers.” You shook your head, refusing to make eye contact with him as you swiped a bit of 20 year old disinfectant along his knuckles, eliciting a hiss from between his lips.

“She is cargo. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you don’t let your emotions get in the fucking way. You forgetting what we’re doin’ this for? We’re doin’ this for Tommy, Gwen. We get the battery, the truck, everything Marlene promised us, and we go and find my brother. That’s the plan and it ain’t changin’ darlin’.”

“You know, if I had just met you two, I’d think you were an old married couple by the way you fuckin’ bicker together.” Tess whispered, amusement in her tone.

Joel rolled his eyes immediately in response. “Yeah?” He scoffed. “Well, we sure as hell ain’t an old married couple.”

“No, but you’re actin’ like one. At this rate, I’d put a ring on her finger sooner, rather than later Texas.”

“You see an every kiss begins with Kay or jade jewelers, or whatever the fuck around here? Cause I sure as hell ain’t seein’ any. Not to mention, that ain’t our style. Marriage? That’s hilarious Tess. Really fuckin’ funny.”

It wasn’t that Joel thought there was anything bad about marriage. It was more-so the fact the that he hadn’t had thoughts about marriage in over 20 fucking years. Besides, putting a ring on your finger seemed way too cliche. Totally not yours, or his style.

“I think I’d actually commit murder if he even attempted to put a ring on my finger.” You chimed in, your eyes were still focused on tending to Joel’s hand.

“That’s exactly 100% why you’re Joel’s girl.”

“Damn right she is.” He agreed.

“You’re both seriously beyond insufferable right now. Just wanted to let you know.” You mumbled under your breath with a small grin tugging on your lips.

A bright flash of lighting, followed by a loud crack of thunder, ended the lighthearted banter.

“Have you thought of the possibility that maybe Marlene is lying about the truck, and weapons that she promised us? Look, I have my reasons to not trust Marlene, but I really think we need to think about this from a logical standpoint. If the case ends up being there’s no truck, or weapons, we can’t just leave Ellie to fend for herself.”

Joel was ripping his hand from your grasp when you had attempted to bandage his knuckles up. He had given you a stone cold look, one that sent an unpleasant chill down your spine.

“Marlene seemed too fuckin’ desperate to make up a lie like that darlin’. Besides, Tess and I have known Marlene far longer than you have. If she says there’s a truck and weapons waiting at the state house, she ain’t lyin’ about that. The only reason you have to not trust her is because she’s a fuckin’ firefly.”

You narrowed your eyes at him as you tucked your first aid kit back into your backpack and stood up. “Yeah? Well if you remember correctly, she’s the reason why I got fucking thrown into lockup. Her and the rest of the fireflies are the reason behind that. You just want me to go along and trust her? She’s never even fucking liked me Joel.” His gaze fell upon your face as you shrugged off your jacket and gently placed it over Ellie’s curled up sleeping form just a few feet away.

“You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time Gwen. Shit fuckin’ happens. You don’t wanna trust Marlene? Go on right ahead and see where that gets you. You’ll be eating your words the second we drop this kid off and get our reward.”

You scoffed under your breath as you sank down against the wall, far away from him now with your arms crossed over your chest. “Yeah, okay Joel. Can you stop being a fucking asshole?”

“Stop saying stupid fuckin’ shit and then I won’t have a reason to be an asshole darlin’”

You bit down on the inside of your cheek, tasting copper along your tongue. You missed the moments where Joel was attentive to you, and your feelings. Where he was tender, gentle, soft with your heart. You missed that side of him desperately.

Ellie, unbeknownst to the three of you, was wide awake and listening to the entire conversation as it ensued. The second you placed your jacket over her, she felt an immediate trust for you. Especially for the fact that you emphasized that she was just a kid. She was wary of the other two you traveled with. Especially Joel. He seemed like one mean motherfucker.

Joel had taken the first watch of the night while you and Tess slept. Except, you couldn’t sleep at all. Despite how mean your partner was to you earlier, you couldn’t give him the cold shoulder forever.

He had turned his head towards you in the slightest when he could hear your boots scraping against the pavement as you stood up. He let out a soft sigh when you sank down beside him, pulling your knees up to your chest.

“Why aren’t you sleepin’ honey?” His tone was much softer now, but you didn’t want to get your hopes up.

“I don’t sleep most nights anymore Joel.”

He frowned at this and finally looked over at you, turning his body so he was facing you. His good hand was still firmly grasped around the machine gun strapped across his shoulder.

“You wanna talk about it? I’m all ears for you darlin’” he rasped.

“There’s nothing to talk about Joel. This has been going on for months. I’ve come to accept that a decent night's rest is not something attainable for me anymore. I’m on edge constantly, and for good reason.” You had your chin tucked into your shoulder as you looked over at him. The rain wasn’t as heavy anymore but there were still low rumbles of thunder in the distance.

Joel took a deep inhale through his nose, his nostrils flaring slightly as he breathed out, feeling the tension in his shoulders dissipate.

“C’mere. You ain’t have a reason to be on edge when I’m right here. Okay? Look, I know these last few months have not been ideal. Shits been handed to us left and right. I don’t want you thinkin’ that I don’t care either, alright? You know I do.” He slipped the rifle off of his shoulder before he was reaching for you, gently wrapping his good hand around your forearm, coaxing you closer.

“I know you care, Joel. I know that you’re just stressed over Tommy, and now this whole situation. I just…I got so fucking comfortable when we were just..happy. You remember that?” You didn’t fight him as he gently pulled you into his arms, holding you tightly to his chest, resting his chin along the top of your head. His arms were secured around your middle, your back pressed firmly to his chest.

“We both knew that wasn’t going to last forever baby. Those were the best moments. I ain’t forgotten them. M’sorry for the way I’ve snapped at you. I don’t know how to deal with how I’ve been feelin’ about Tommy. I know that’s not an excuse to treat ya that way. I don’t wanna lose you too..”

“We could have stayed with Bill and Frank y’know. There were so many houses and we could have had a comfortable life there. I know it sounds silly, how can anyone live comfortably in an apocalypse? Somehow Bill and Frank have. They’ve pretty much gone and done the impossible. Listen, I know you don’t mean what you’ve said. Does it hurt me? Absolutely. You’d have to do something unforgivable to lose me Joel. So please don’t go speaking like that.” You placed your hands over his, as you gently brought his damaged hand up to your lips, lightly pressing a kiss to the broken skin on his knuckles.

“Maybe we can have that one day, sweet girl. Just the two of us, okay? We’ll find a home somewhere to call ours. Maybe a couple horses, a nice big yard? A library for all your books..a decent mattress, with pillows that aren’t moth eaten. A nice big kitchen where we can cook together. We’ll have Bill, Frank, Tess, and Bea over every weekend for dinner. I’ll make sweet love to you every fuckin’ night. Doesn’t that sound wonderful baby? We’ll have that one day, I promise you. It’s just not in the cards for us right now, but that’s okay. You wanna know why? Cause no matter what, I got you, and you got me. Kay? No matter what happens.” He whispered against your hair, his eyes closed as he pictured a domestic lifestyle with you by his side. He wanted that so fucking badly with you. He could nearly taste it.

You were left feeling stunned in his arms. Joel’s confession was well thought out, tender, filled to the brim with all the little details. You could tell by his deliverance that this was not something he came up with on a whim. No, your Joel had thought about the possibility of having a normal life with you for a long long time. “No matter what happens, I got you, you got me. Always.” You whispered.

Joel tightened his grip around you slightly. He didn’t care about the throbbing pain from his freshly broken hand, or the impending reality that your lives had drastically changed in a matter of hours. He just wanted to make sure you got a decent night of sleep finally.

So, he sang. Just above a whisper, the same lullaby you had sung to him the night that his nightmares nearly consumed him.

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away. Please don’t take my sunshine away…”

You were fast asleep by the time he whispered out the last word. He held you all night long, listening intently for any sounds that could be of a threat. Even when it was Tess’s turn to take watch, he didn’t wake her either. His gun was nearby, ready to grab if needed. His eyes stayed trained on the sleeping teenager just a few feet away. Ellie, who he viewed as just being cargo to transport.

By morning's impending approach, the storm had since passed on. The sky was painted in an array of pink, red, and orange hues. Although a sight to behold, a red sky at dawn was never a good sign. The old saying goes, red sky at night, sailors delight. Red sky at morning, sailors warning.

The four of you had no inclination to predict that this was Tess’s last day walking in the living realm. Predicting the weather was something just about anyone could do. Predicting the moment someone would take their last dying breath? That was a feat impossible.

Ellie had slowly awoken to the sun's warm rays peeking through the cracks in the abandoned building. A golden butterfly fluttered above her sleeping form as her eyes slowly opened. She was still in a sleepy state as she slowly sat up, taking in her surroundings before she heard a loud creaking sound behind her.

She was greeted by a stern look from both Joel, and Tess. He was holding his assault rifle between his hands. The barrel of the gun pointed at the ground. The look he was giving the teenager was menacing enough as it was. The only kind face Ellie could find in the small space was yours.

“Morning…” she spoke, hesitation laced in her tone.

Just as she began to slowly rise from the mossy floor, Joel had lifted the gun in her direction, causing the teenager's eyes to go wide and you kicked his chair with your boot from where you stood behind him. “Joel..” you warned. He could feel your eyes glaring into the back of his skull, disapprovingly.

“If you say that she’s just a kid one more fuckin’ time.” He snapped back, keeping his gun trained on Ellie.

“Do I look like I’m infected? Seriously, can you not point that thing at me man? What, are you actually gonna shoot me?”

“Just might. Now, show us your arm. Slow. If you make any—”

“Sudden movements you’ll shoot. Yeah, I think I fucking got that part.” Ellie quipped back. She slowly lifted the sleeve of her hoodie revealing her 3 week old bite mark in the sunlight. From where the 3 of you were, it was pretty obvious this was not a fresh bite in the slightest.

“Yeah, it’s not getting any worse, is it? I’m not infected. This thing is 3 weeks old and I haven’t turned into one of those..things.”

Joel slowly lowered his gun before he slowly looked over at Tess before he let his gaze slightly drift up to you. “What the hell was Marlene doin’ with an infected kid in the first place?”

“I’m not infected. She found me after I was bitten and before you ask, no. She didn’t shoot me. She locked me up in that shit hole and had her guys test me every fucking day. They chained me to a pipe and made me recite my name and other shit back to them to see if my personality had changed. It clearly didn’t.”

“Did your shit attitude come before, or after you were bitten?” Joel asked.

You kicked the foot of his chair again, this time a little harder.

You could tell the teenager fought hard to not roll her eyes at him. “Y’know the thing I think really impressed them was the fact that I didn’t turn into a fucking monster.”

When the three of you didn’t respond, Ellie slowly rose to her feet and Joel’s gun followed. “Really man? I thought we were done with that shit. Can I just go pee now? I’ve been holding it for a while.”

Tess had grabbed an old magazine on the floor and tossed it over to the teenager. “Go ahead. You can find a nice spot back there.”

Ellie caught the magazine before she started to walk towards the back room to do her business. “There’s not gonna be anything bad in here?”

“Just you.”

Once Ellie was out of sight, you nearly wanted to rip Joel’s gun from his hands but refrained as you crossed your arms over your chest with a sigh. “She made it through the fuckin’ night, Joel. I think you can cut it out with pointing the gun at her. She’s clearly not a threat to any of us.”

“It doesn’t fuckin’ matter. It’s gonna happen sooner or later. Maybe her body just has a late response to the cordyceps. She can’t be trusted. I told you this was a bad fuckin’ idea to begin with and now that we know she’s infected, you still think we’re gonna follow through with this?”

“You saw her arm, Joel. If she was infected it would have looked completely different. We’ve seen what infected bite marks look like and she is not one of them.”

“Yeah well I ain’t about to go and take that chance. We’re close enough to the wall. We can sneak her back into the QZ and we’ll just find a different way to get the battery. I ain’t hauling an infected kid around with us.”

“We take her back to the QZ and they’re gonna kill her. FEDRA see’s that bite mark and she’s through. You really wanna have a kid's blood on your hands like that?”

“Do you hear yourself right now Gwen? You’re actin’ like this kid has some fuckin’ life ahead of her or somethin’. We take her back to the QZ and get the battery a different way.”

“What happened to fiercely believing in the fact that Marlene is gonna have a whole truck and weapons waiting for us if we bring her to the state house? You’re just gonna go and abandon that?”

“You should be jumping for joy over the fact that we’re finally fuckin’ agreeing on somethin’ for once. An infected kid is not worth the possibility of that truck, or the weapons we were promised.”

“I’m with Gwen on this one.” Tess finally spoke as Joel whipped his around suddenly to look at her, narrowing his eyes.

“You’re what?”

“You heard me Texas. I don’t think I need to repeat it.” She spoke without looking at him just as Ellie had returned. “You hungry kid? You can share some of ours.”

“Thanks. Marlene sent me with my own.” Ellie spoke as she sank down into the moss, pulling out what appeared to be a chicken sandwich from her backpack.

“Is that chicken?” You asked, feeling your mouth water at the sight of something besides the dried, tasteless jerky the three of you were eating.

“Yep. Marlene said they get it from smugglers..guess not you guys.” She smirked a little as she took a bite of her sandwich.

Tess was already up and out of her chair and Joel had tried to stop her but she pushed him away. “Why are you so important to Marlene? Hm? Don’t even think about lyin’ to me kid. If you do, we’ll take you back to the QZ.”

“Well..you take me back and you don’t get your battery.” Ellie responded.

“Ohh. So you got a good set of ears on you huh? Well, then I’m sure you heard that he wants to shoot you then right?”

Ellie no longer possessed a smirk on her face as she slowly looked up at Joel’s displeased face. “So then why hasn’t he shot me already? If what you’re saying is true.”

“Trying to change the subject isn’t gonna do you any good either. So I’m gonna talk to you like an adult, alright? Joel and I aren’t good people. We’re doin’ this for us because apparently you’re worth somethin’ to Marlene, whatever that may be. So if I were you, I’d drop the smart ass attitude because his patience? It’s wearing mighty thin. I suggest you answer my question. Why are you so important to Marlene?”

“What about her? Is she not a good person either?” Ellie spoke, gesturing her head towards you.

“Gwen? Let’s just say..she’s better than the two of us but not by much. Sweet face, sure. Knows how to wield a knife like it’s the fuckin’ back of her hand.”

“That’s badass.”

“Answer her question, Ellie. It’s alright.” You spoke softly, earning a disapproving look from your lover.

“Okay..well, Marlene told me not to tell anyone and here I am telling the three of you..” she sighed, rubbing her hand over her face. “There’s a Firefly base camp somewhere out west with doctors. They’re working on a cure.”

“Oh of course they are. Yeah, sure I’ll believe it. This ain’t the fuckin’ first time we’ve heard about a possible cure. It’s all horse shit.” Joel muttered under his breath.

“So whatever happened to me is—”

“The key to finding the vaccine. That’s what they all fuckin’ say and guess what? They’ve tried to find a cure numerous times and ain’t nothin’ worked. It’s the same goddamn thing every single—”

Ellie rose to her feet in a fury, staring at Joel head on. “Fuck you, man. I didn’t ask for this.”

“You and me fuckin’ both. We’re wastin’ daylight the more time we spend talkin’ on this nonsense. I’m done. Pack your shit up and let’s go. We’re takin’ you back to the QZ.”

Tess let out a sigh, running her fingers through her hair. “Let’s just finish this Joel. We get what we want regardless. We take her back, and we risk all 4 of us getting shot. I don’t know about you, but I still have some life worth livin.’”

Joel clenched his jaw tightly, breathing in deeply through his nose. This was not a good idea. However, we was now outnumbered by two. “If she so much as fuckin’ twitches—”

He was cut off by the obnoxious sounds of Ellie portraying a clicker. Making the snarling clicking sounds as she contorted her limbs at an uncomfortable angle.

“Ellie don’t.” You warned her.

She rubbed the back of her neck, clearing her throat as she nodded, “okay..”

The 4 of you gathered up your things to head out and just as Joel was lifting his rifle from the ground, slinging the strap over his shoulder, Ellie asked if she too could have a gun.

“Can I have a gun?”

“Absolutely fuckin’ not. Not a chance in hell.” Was Joel’s immediate response.

“Okay, Jesus fuck. Fine. I’ll just throw a fuckin’ sandwich at them or something.” She muttered under her breath as she threw her backpack strap over her shoulder.

As the 4 of you stepped out into the warm sunlight, you watched as Ellie looked around the ruined city in amazement. Buildings half fallen over, taken hostage by thick vines and moss. There were giant craters, the size of small moons, where the government had sent bombs to slow down the rate of the infected.

Joel had come to a halt in front of the impassable wreckage blocking a quick path to the State House. “Long way or short way?”

“It’s the long way or the ‘we’re fuckin’ dead way.’” Tess added.

“Long way it is then. We’ll have to go check from the hotel first. See if the coast is clear. C’mon.” You were leading the way now, while Ellie walked alongside you, Tess in the middle, and Joel in the back.

You and Ellie engaged in small talk. You genuinely wanted the kid to feel somewhat comfortable with this entire situation and Ellie seemingly appreciated your efforts. She told you how she had gotten bit and you had to admit, this kid was pretty ballsy for her age. “Well, I mean, you got some balls on you, sister, that’s for fucking sure.”

“Thanks.” She had a grin creeping up on her face.

“Soo..no one is gonna come looking for you right? Mom, dad?..boyfriend?..”

“Uhhh well, I’m an orphan and nope.”

You could feel Joel’s eyes on the back of your skull as he walked behind you, shaking his head at your efforts to befriend this cargo.

“See, everyone told me the big open city was gonna be crazy! Infected runnin’ around everywhere. Are we even gonna see any? Cause I’ve heard there’s like super-infected that explode fungus spores on you! Is that not true?”

“Shit, I hope not. Those sound fuckin’ terrifying.” You said with a small grin.

“Okay, what about the ones that have their heads split open and can see in the dark like bats?”

“You mean clickers? Yeah, there’s lots of those. They’re the most common type that we’ve come across. Not the hardest to kill, but they use echolocation���” you were cut off by the sound of a loud, distant animalistic yell coming from deep within the fallen city.

On instinct, Joel was close to your side, looking around as you waited for another yell to follow. The only sound you could hear was a crow perched on a tree nearby.

“Let’s keep movin’” Joel spoke as he gave you a gentle nudge forward.

As you approached the hotel, Ellie had her own set of questions for you as she kicked at the stray rubble beneath her red, worn sneakers.

“So is he like..your boyfriend or somethin’?”

“My boyfriend? Well, no. Not exactly. I wouldn’t call him that if I’m being honest.”

“But you’re like together, right? I think that part is pretty obvious.”

“Yeah, we are. Just don’t think he’d particularly enjoy me calling him my boyfriend. It’s not really his taste.”

“Well, no offense to you, he doesn’t seem like the boyfriend type anyway.”

This elicited a light laugh to slip past your lips as you covered it by coughing into the sleeve of your jacket. “Oh, you’re right on the money with that one, kid. He is far from the boyfriend type.”

“But he’s like your partner then?..Your person?”

“Yeah, something along those lines. I wouldn’t go as far to put us into a box, y’know?”

“I understand..what about Tess? Does she have anyone?”

“Back in the QZ she does. She has a girlfriend named Beatrix.”

“Wicked.”

“You two done chit chattin’ up there?” Joel spoke, distaste evident in his tone.

“Yeah, we’re just makin’ the time pass is all.”

“Oh yeah? Well ain’t that fuckin’ nice for you two.” He scoffed as he walked ahead of you, stopping at the foot of the stairs looking into the overflowing of water into the once hotel lobby.

“Is he always this grumpy?” Ellie leaned over and whispered to you.

“Oh, this isn’t even the worst that you’ve seen of it, kid. Trust me.”

The 4 of you started to trudge through the green, murky water to get to the other side of the lobby. Ellie being the kid that she was, wandered off to the side when she saw what used to be the front desk and pressed on the bell a few times as she leaned over the counter. “Ding! Ding! Yes, sir. I would like your finest suite, please.” “Yes, ma’am. Would you like me to take your luggage?”

“You’re a weird kid.” Joel watched her with a quizzical expression etched on his weathered features.

“You’re a weird kid.” Ellie sarcastically responded back, nearly sticking her tongue out at him as she pushed the luggage trolley forward.

A very deceased human Skeleton slipped out from behind the trolley and scared the living daylights out of the teen. Much to yours, and Ellie’s surprise, Joel was at her side immediately, gun raised in the direction of the apparent threat.

She’s just cargo, my ass. Was the first thought that came to your mind.

Joel had offered Ellie his hand as he helped her up but as soon as their hands touched, he was ripping his away from her grasp, staring down at it momentarily with a hard expression on his face. Perhaps it was from the fact that his hand was still freshly broken. Or there was a possibility he was shocked that he even allowed himself to touch someone who was ‘infected.’

After climbing 10 flights of stairs, you were met with another obstacle that was definitely not present the last time you had come through this way. “What the fuck man. This definitely wasn’t here last time, was it?” You asked, bent over slightly as you were catching your breath.

“No, it sure as hell wasn’t. Maybe we can try one of the doors?” Tess walked past you, trying the two doors with no luck.

“Damn. Well, maybe we can go climb through it and work our way around?”

“It’s worth a shot.”

Joel had pushed Ellie to the side then, before giving you a boost up over the rubble before you helped Tess over the side, grasping her forearms as you pulled her up.

“Just be careful, alright?” He spoke as he slowly sat down on an abandoned suitcase across from Ellie.

“Yeah yeah. We’ll be fine, cowboy. Just keep an eye on the kid.” You peeked your head out from a gap in the rubble and gave him a reassuring nod, and a subtle wink.

Ellie sat across from him, flipping her switchblade and catching it by the handle each time.

“That’s a nice knife you got there. Where’d you learn to do that?” Joel asked.

“The circus.” Ellie deadpanned.

Joel let out a deep sigh, looking off to the side as he tried to figure out why he even bothered to make small talk with a teenager.

“Where are you from?” Ellie asked.

“Texas.” He gruffly responded.

“What about Tess and Gwen?”

“Detroit. It’s in Michigan and Gwen is from Chicago.”

“I go to school, smart ass. I know where Detroit is. Chicago has that giant fucking bean, right? Always wanted to see it.”

“Yeah, I’m sure she’ll tell you all about it. She’s obsessed with it. No fuckin’ clue why.”

“Uh huh. So you two like a—” Ellie already knew the answer, thanks to you. She was just slightly curious to see what Joel would respond with.

“Pass.”

“Oh well cause she told me you guys were—”

“Pass.”

“How’d you end up in Boston?”

“Pass.”

“So what am I supposed to do? Talk to a fuckin’ brick wall? Fuck. She was right, you are grumpy all the time.”

“She what? God dammit Gwen.” He growled lowly under his breath. “No more questions about me, alright? That’s enough.”

“Alright, grumpy. How long do infected live?”

Joel whipped his head back around towards her, narrowing his eyes before he chuckled, “Oh, I thought you went to school.”

“Yeah, well..it’s a really shitty one.”

“Some of ‘em last about a month or two. There’s others that have been walkin’ around ‘bout 20 years.”

“Yeah? You ever kill one?”

Joel nearly scoffed at this question, almost offended that this kid even assumed that he hadn’t killed any.

“Yeah, I have killed lots of ‘em.”

“Was it hard killing them?..like, knowing they were people once? Has it ever bothered you?..”

Joel was slightly taken aback by her question. He often did forget that the infected used to be everyday people he would see on the street. Sometimes he would be forced to face humanity, and realize that he was in a sense, killing people. He wasn’t a total monster like many would have assumed him to be. He just wasn’t the most open with sharing personal details about himself.

“Sometimes. It’s easy to forget that they were once people when they’re comin’ at you with one goal in mind; to turn you into one of ‘em. So you gotta decide if it’s gonna be you, or them. You think I survived this long without havin’ to kill?” He sighed as he leaned back against the wall. “I ain’t exactly proud of it, but it’s what you gotta do to survive. It's always either gonna be you, or them.”

“What about that guy last night?”

Just as Joel was going to respond, he could hear rustling just outside the door and he was up in a flash with his gun aimed at the door.

“You can put the gun down, cowboy. It’s just us. Relax.” You spoke through the door as you pushed it open, revealing you and Tess on the other side. From the looks on your faces alone, Joel could tell that something was definitely wrong.

“What now? Did you guys see something?”

“Yeah, and you’re not gonna like it. Not one bit I’m afraid.” You confirmed.

“Fuckin’ fantastic.” He grumbled as he gently nudged past you and Tess followed by Ellie.

Shortly after, the 4 of you were standing over the ledge of the hotel, looking down at a shrieking hoard of infected, writhing on the ground below. You were standing alongside Joel, noticing that he was nervously fidgeting with his fingers and picking at the skin around his cuticles. You gently grabbed his hand, interlocking your fingers together as you gave his hand a light, reassuring squeeze.

“The last time we were here, there weren’t nearly this many of them. Most of them were still deep inside the buildings. Guess enough people came wanderin’ through looking for the QZ. They found themselves seeking shelter..went inside the buildings and that’s how they get more of the fuckin’ city bit by bit, year after year.” Tess stated, glancing over at you and Joel momentarily before looking at Ellie.

“What’re we gonna do?” You spoke quietly to him, gently stroking your thumb across the outside of his hand, leaning in close to his tall frame.

“We’re gonna have to go through the museum. We ain’t have another choice darlin.’”

“That was nearly a suicide mission the last time we went through..remember?”

“Yeah, but there’s a chance whatever is left of ‘em is dead by now. If it gets dicey, we split and figure out another way, alright? Right now, this is our only option and I ain’t lookin’ forward to it either.” he pressed a quick kiss to your forehead, just a smidge of affection that it seemed like you both needed.

“They’re connected in more ways than you know. The fungus also grows underground. Long fibers, like wires. They’re all entwined under the surface and if you step on a patch of cordyceps in one place, you can awake a dozen infected somewhere else. They know where you are and it’s only a matter of minutes before they find you. You’re not immune from being ripped apart, kid.” Tess explained.

Ellie was fully listening, soaking up all the information that Tess was providing her. The situation at hand was becoming all too real for her 14 year old self.

“We have to go through the museum. It’s the short-way and not the most ideal, nor the safest, but we ain’t have much of a choice.” Joel spoke up, letting go of your hand as he stepped forward.

“I had a really bad feelin’ you were gonna come to that conclusion Texas.” Tess spoke with a sigh.

Ellie’s eyes nearly bugged out of her skull when she saw the amount of fungus tendrils stretched across the expanse of the outside structure of the museum. The colors were faded, not nearly as vibrant as freshly infected. Despite their obvious expiration, the building still looked ominous and uninviting.

“You’re fuckin’ kidding me. We seriously have to go through there? You sure there’s not another way man? This is screaming ‘DANGER’ like c’mon, aren’t the lights flashing in your brain right now too? Cause mine are like fuckin’ sirens.”

Joel ignored the teen as he bent down, inspecting one of the thick strands of fungus. He used the butt of his gun to stab at it to check and see if it was in fact dead. “It’s bone dry. Good chance that they’re all finally fuckin’ dead in there.” He was already pulling his flashlight out from his bag while you and Tess were pulling out your guns.

“I have a spare hand y’know.” Ellie stated the obvious.

“Congratulations.” Joel responded.

He was the first to enter the museum, rifle at the ready. When he deemed it was safe enough to enter, he turned his head towards the opening of the door and gave you a quick nod to follow.

Once the 4 of you were inside the museum, Ellie’s pupils had blown out when she saw just how much fungus coated the walls, floors, and pretty much any inanimate object. It was everywhere.

Joel was still extremely cautious where he stepped, shining his flashlight along the fungus infested floor. It appeared that the once living infected, were all deceased by now. That was until Ellie stumbled upon a fresh kill and let out a surprised, “oh shit!”

Joel was immediately stepping around her, gun raised and his face immediately fell as he looked over at you and Tess. So, maybe they weren’t all dead after all. Or maybe this guy was attacked outside the museum and just found himself to be in an unlucky situation.

The three of you began to talk in a hushed whisper over the situation. Ellie could barely decipher what was being said from how low your voices were but she caught onto the bit of the conversation regarding ‘not hearing them’ what the hell were they going on about? What were they listening for? As far as she was concerned, the museum was deathly silent.

“I don’t hear anything. Who, or what would you hear?” Ellie had suddenly asked. Joel’s response was to raise his hand off his gun, giving her a warning look to shut the fuck up with his eyes alone.

“Did an infected person do that? Cause I was attacked by one and it sure as hell didn’t do that. Dude is all torn up. I’ve never seen anything like it.” She whispered.

“Okay, from this point forward, we are silent. Not quiet. Silent.” He emphasized heavy on the silent part as he looked sternly at Ellie. He held no concern over you and Tess being silent but this kid was already becoming a nuisance in his eyes. “You got that? Not one single fuckin’ sound. This isn’t funny business, kid. This is the real fuckin’ world.” He harshly whispered.

“What—”

“No. No questions. Just do what I say, alright? You wanna live to see another day, don’t you? Exactly. That’s what I thought.” He whispered as he lowered his gun and took a few silent steps to the side, locking eyes with you for a moment. Your Joel never usually showed fear. He was able to encase it well behind his hardened features. A furrow of his brow, the quirk of his upper lip, all used as decoys. Even in the low lighting, you could see his face etched with fear. Just as fast as it appeared, it was gone again, hidden behind the vast ridges of his weathered skin.

Joel had taken the lead while you silently stepped behind him, keeping your finger hovering over the trigger of your gun, ready to react if need be. You glanced back at Ellie and gave her a reassuring nod to follow you while Tess walked behind her. Despite how quiet you all were being, the old floor boards were creaking with every step your boots took.

The stairway was absolutely covered with now bone dry fungus. You couldn’t even see where the next step started from how dense the fungus was. It creeped up the walls, over paintings and the railings of the staircase. You watched Joel’s footing as he carefully stepped over a mound of once living infected. You couldn’t even make out their faces as the fungus had completely morphed them to be unidentifiable.

The sickening crunch of a once human hand beneath Ellie’s shoe had Joel whipping around, shining his flashlight that was attached to the rifle at the teenager. He gave her one long look before he turned away from her and continued to head up the stairs.

A few more steps up and Joel was at the opening of the doorway, slowly pushing it open as you waited for his silent cue. Just as he had given it to you with a slight nod of his head, some of the building's structure began to collapse and crumble as you, Tess, and Ellie stumbled inside before the debris could crush the three of you.

Joel was reaching down grasping the kids arm as he quickly helped her up from the dusty floor while you helped Tess up.

Then there was a loud screech, one that you had heard far too many times. It still sent deep chills down your spine.

click click click click

Ellie was slowly backing towards a wall, her eyes wide with fear as she tried to steady her nervous breaths.

Out from the shadows, illuminated by the steady, bright beam of Joel’s flashlight was a clicker. Its head was completely split open by the cordyceps. The brain cavern was taken over by the fungus. Thick, putrid and brightly colored. Clickers could not see, as they were blinded by the fungus, but they could hear, and they could hear very well.

Its body contorted at an uncomfortable angle as it clicked and snarled.

Another screech was heard;two clickers.

Joel was already quickly nudging you against the glass case. His face constricted painfully in your view. This was not an ideal situation to be in. Not one fucking bit.

Ellie was in his direct eyesight and he quickly mouthed to her, “they can’t see, but they can hear.”

The clicker let out a loud, bone chilling growl from the other side of the glass case. You found yourself squeezing your eyes shut momentarily, holding your gun firmly against your chest.

Don’t make a sound. Don’t move. Don’t make a sound. Don’t move.

Joel had slowly brought his pointer finger to his lips, keeping his eyes locked on Ellie to keep her calm.

You could feel the teenager's anxiety, and fear rising with every second and you silently pleaded with her to stay strong.

Joel had turned his head slightly as the clicker stumbled around the side of the glass display case. It was so close you could nearly feel its putrid breath on your skin.

Ellie had let a sharp breath slip past her lips and it was loud enough for the clicker to hear her.

It all happened in a flash as the clicker turned around and screeched loudly before it lunged. Joel had gotten a few shots into its body from where he stood, but it wasn’t nearly enough to inflict any serious damage. “RUN!” he yelled as the other clicker appeared from the shadows. You shot at it once before grabbing Ellie’s arm firmly in your grasp.

Tess had taken a couple more shots before she followed behind you. The three of you ran around the corner, hearts racing and blood fiercely pumping. The clicker was hot on your tail and gaining on you quickly. In one quick movement, you shoved Ellie to the ground, ordering her to crawl to safety.

You and Tess turned to shoot again, but neither of you had time to aim and wasting bullets was the last thing you wanted to do.

You both could hear a loud crash from the other side of the room and Joel’s heavy boots before everything went silent again.

click click click click

Joel had taken cover behind another glass cabinet as he quickly unloaded and reloaded his small pistol. His senses were on overdrive when he heard the low clicks approaching. His eyes squeezed shut momentarily, thinking that his cover was blown.

The clicker had let out a low snarl before it stalked in the other direction and he could barely make out Ellie’s crouched form behind the tarnished glass.

His footsteps were quiet, calculated and precise as he moved from his hiding spot and crouched beside Ellie. He had no other choice but to get her out of this situation. It was almost as if in those crucial moments, his protective nature had completely taken over. He was going to get this kid out of here, unscathed if it was the last thing he ever did.

Him and Ellie silently communicated with their eyes alone. One tilt of his head and she was quietly moving along the side of the glass case, following his lead. Just when he thought they were in the clear, something had crunched beneath his boot. It was stray shards of glass. His blood ran cold at the crunching sound. Neither him, nor Ellie had time to react as the clicker lunged over the glass case and threw itself on them.

You could hear Joel’s grunts and Ellie’s terrified screams from where you stood behind a nearby wall. You were going to have to act fast if you were to save them both.

bang bang bang

Joel had pumped the clicker with lead, causing it to stumble backwards, allowing him and Ellie to scramble to their feet.

You peeked around the corner, taking aim at the clicker's head before you pulled the trigger and sent it stumbling to the ground. Even after its body hit the floor with a sickening thud, Joel pulled his own trigger a few more times till it was no longer moving.

The second clicker came charging out of the blue, but didn’t make it far as Tess had thrown an ax at its neck, and you finished it off with a bullet to the head.

Once the apparent threat was deceased, everyone let out a shaky breath. From where you were standing, you could tell Tess was injured from the way she was avoiding putting too much weight on one foot. “You alright?”

“Just a twisted ankle, I’ll live. Don’t worry.” She responded.

“Fuck me.” Ellie exclaimed as she lifted up the sleeve of her hoodie and revealed a fresh bleeding bite mark along her forearm. “I mean, if it was gonna happen to one of us..”

You were at her side then and gently tugged her sleeve down. “Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

Tess’s final and only request

You sat alongside on the roof, pulling out a roll of duct tape from your bag as she pulled off her boot. You wasted no time to start to wrap her foot with the tape. “Just a sprained ankle you said? Nothin’ else?” You asked, looking up at the older woman momentarily.

“Yeah, just a sprained ankle Gwen. I’ll be fine.” Tess looked at you as if she was studying your features. As if she was storing your image deep inside her brain so that she wouldn’t forget you, or your face.

Joel had given the kid a piece of cloth to wrap her arm before he was crouching down on the other side of Tess. “You can walk, right? Ain’t need any help?”

She looked at him the same way she had just looked at you. She wanted to keep your memories up to the very last second. “I’m fine, Texas. Really. Go on and make sure she doesn’t accidentally kill herself or somethin.’”

He gave her a small nod before he stood back up. “Yeah, I know. It looks scary and all but it really ain’t that bad.”

Ellie turned around briefly to look at him before she responded, “no. That was scary. This is wood.” Before she stepped across the thin planks to the otherside.

You gave Tess’s arm a light squeeze before you followed after the kid, glancing back at them momentarily before you crossed over the narrow planks of wood.

“What if the first bite didn’t take? What if the second one does? We’re in way over our fuckin’ heads with this Tess. We all could have fuckin’ died back there and—” Joel was cut off by Tess snapping back at him.

“How ‘bout you just take the good news? Can you please just do that for once? None of us are dead. We’re gonna finish what we started Joel.”

He looked at her briefly, trying to decipher what had ticked her off so easily before he let out a sigh and grabbed his rifle from where it laid on the discolored roof tiles and slung it back over his shoulder.

I failed them. I failed them both. I failed Bea. Tess silently thought to herself as she pulled her knees up to her chest, taking in a few shaky breaths.

Joel crossed over the planks and stood alongside Ellie.

“Is it everything you hoped for?” He asked.

“Jury’s still out.”

“But, man, you can’t deny that view.” Ellie concluded.

You were reloading your gun off to the side, glancing over your shoulder to see Tess approaching. Her demeanor alone was a sure signal that something was off. You just couldn’t figure out what exactly had happened back there. It was going to drive you up a wall, not knowing. You were sure of it.

“C’mon, let’s get there before it’s dark. We’re wasting daylight. Let’s go.” Tess gritted out between her teeth as she was already climbing down the old steel ladder. Her erratic movements threw you off guard completely.

You stopped alongside Joel, brushing your hand across the outside of his bicep before you followed Tess and Ellie down the ladder.

Joel waited a few moments in silence as he glanced down at his broken watch strapped around his wrist before he grabbed the side of the ladder and climbed down.

They’re gonna hate me.

They’ll see right through me.

What will Bea think?

Will she think me to be dead?

I let her down too.

She’ll never know what has become of me.

I won’t turn into a monster.

I won’t become one of them.

Tess was leading the way to the state house. Her footsteps were uncharacteristically fast. She seemed on edge, nervous, sporadic.

The 4 of you were crouched behind a long abandoned car outside of the state house. There was a large military grade truck parked outside. However, there were no signs of weapons, or the fireflies.

“Where the fuck are they? Marlene said they would be here. She fuckin’ promised us.” Tess whispered.

“Everyone just stay here. Alright? Somethin’ ain’t right here.” Joel whispered back before he crept from behind the car to investigate. Once he approached the truck, the 3 of you took a bated breath as he opened the door, aiming the barrel of his gun at the inside of the truck. He was met with blood stained seats but no fireflies.

The side of the open truck door was spattered with blood dripping down the dull metal.

Something definitely was not right here.

Joel had glanced back at you and Tess, shaking his head slightly to signal that it wasn’t safe just yet as he crept around the back of the truck slowly. He took a deep, visible breath as he opened up the two heavy steel doors and was met with no signs of any passengers inhabiting the vehicle.

“What the fuck is goin’ on Joel?” Tess asked as she walked towards him, brushing off your hand along your arm.

“The fuck did I just say about stayin’ back? It ain’t safe! Why didn’t you wait for my–”

“They went inside.” Ellie confirmed from where she was standing. There was a trail of blood leading up the gravel steps to the state house. This definitely was not a good sign at all.

Tess was already heading up the steps in a fury. From where you stood, you could see her hands trembling. “Come on!”

“Tess just wait a fuckin’ minute! By the looks of it, the fireflies are dead and we ain’t gettin’ our battery!” Joel yelled at her to stop.

“Come on!” She was insistent with her tone.

You, Joel, and Ellie had no choice but to follow Tess into the state house. Once inside, you were all met with the bodies of the deceased fireflies, all in a circle in the room. Their crimson blood spilled out along the tiles, staining them in a dark red.

“I mean, there’s gotta be a fuckin’ radio or somethin’ right? Help me look for one!” Tess spoke in a rushed tone as she frantically started looking through the deceased fireflies supplies, knocking over items onto the tile below, creating all sorts of noise.

“Tess? What the fuck is going on with you?” There was an edge to your tone as you came up alongside the older woman. “Maybe Joel was right..maybe we should go back to the QZ and regroup.”

“Fuck that. We’ve made it this far, and now you want to turn back? No. Help me find a radio, Gwen! There’s gotta be one around here. There has to be!”

Joel had noticed that one of the deceased fireflies had clearly been bit as he used his boot to tilt its head to the side.

“Tess, what the fuck are you doin’?” He asked while he watched her rummage around in a fury.

“Where did Marlene say she was taking you? Ellie! Where did she fuckin’ say she was taking you?” Tess ignored Joel as she walked over to the teen and you instinctively stepped in front of Ellie.

“Uhh..I don’t know. All she told me is that she was taking me west but she didn't say where exactly.”

“Just west? Fuck. Okay. She didn’t tell you anythin’ else?” Tess wasn’t even looking at you. Her eyes were frantically searching the expanse of the room. “Well, I mean, one of them’s gotta have a map on them, right? Joel? Gwen? Can you fuckin’ help me?! Stop just standin’ around!” She snapped as she started searching for anything she could find on the deceased bodies.

“No! Tess..it’s over. We are goin’ home, alright? We are way over our heads, bit off more than we can chew. We’ll go back to the QZ and–”

“That’s not my fucking home!” Tess snapped. “I’m stayin.”

“What the hell do you mean you’re stayin’? What the hell has gotten into you?! You’re actin’ fuckin’ weird! Why won’t you even look at us?!” Joel spoke exasperatedly.

Your blood suddenly ran cold. You figured out why Tess’s behavior was so sporadic and uncharacteristic for her just as Ellie had figured it out too.

“Fuck. She’s infected.” Ellie spoke softly, the realization washing over her.

Joel looked at Tess then and felt his world suddenly begin to cave in, all at once. Just before he could open his mouth to speak, you were stepping in front of him, feeling your heart pounding out of your chest.

“No. Tell me it's not true, Tess. Fucking tell me its not true!” You pleaded with her, as Joel was already protectively pulling you back behind him.

“Show me. Show me your fuckin’ arm Tess.” He demanded and when she took a step towards him, he immediately took one back. He did his best to ignore the pained look that struck across Tess’s features.

Tess let out a sigh as she drew her hand up to the collar of her jacket and pulled the fabric back to reveal the fresh bite mark along the base of her neck, along her collar bone. You could see the veins of the fungus growing up her neck already. There was only a matter of time before she would be completely gone.

“Oops, right?” She said with a pained laugh, tears threatening to spill over.

You pushed Joel out of the way once more, you weren’t afraid of Tess. She wasn’t a monster. She was still human. She was still breathing, pumping blood through her veins. “You can’t fuckin’ die. You can’t! Tess…what about Bea? You–” Your own tears had threatened to spill over as you shakily grasped the collar of Tess’s jacket between your fingers. “This wasn’t supposed to happen to you!”

You could feel Joel grabbing your forearm, trying to yank you back. “Let me the fuck go!” You snapped, ripping your arm from his firm grasp.

Tess was hugging you, nearly knocking the air from your lungs. You could feel her entire body trembling as she held you. “You fuckin’ listen to me okay? I haven’t got much time. You protect him, okay? Please protect him Gwen. He’s going to need you more than ever now. No matter what happens, no matter what he says, please don’t leave him. Keep him safe. Please.” She whispered, squeezing you tightly.

“Tess, I–”

“Promise me Gwen. Promise me you’ll be there for him”

“I promise.” You whispered.

“Tell Bea that I love her, and I'm sorry.”

Tess released you from her grip and frantically pushed you away as she stumbled back.

She addressed Joel directly now, balling her hands into fists, to ease the trembling. “Ellie. Take your bandage off.” She asked with a shaky breath, walking over to the teen as she grabbed her forearm in a firm grip.

“This is real. Joel, she’s fucking real. Look at her arm!” She let go of Ellie’s arm and brought it down to her side. Her forearm was twitching, trembling as the cordyceps were quickly invading her nervous system.

“You get her to Bill and Franks. You load up on ammo, and you take her out West. You find Tommy and the fireflies.”

“No.”

“There is no time to fuckin’ argue with me! You take her to Bill and Franks. I’ve never asked anything of you Joel. Never asked you to feel a certain way about me.”

He went to open his mouth but she immediately cut him off.

“No. You shut the fuck up and listen to me ‘cause I don’t have time. This is your chance to do some fuckin’ good for once. To make up for all the fucked up shit we did. You keep her alive. You keep her safe. You hear me? You set everything right.”

“Tess, No. I can’t fuckin’ do that.”

“Yes you fuckin’ can Joel. Please say yes, Joel, please fucking say yes.” She pleaded with him, a stray tear rolling down her cheek .

“Oh fuck!” Ellie yelled as one of the presumed deceased bodies snarled, clawing at the ground.

Joel wasted no time to pull his gun out, aiming it at the infected and pulled the trigger, sending a bullet straight to its head as it collapsed down to the mossy floor.

fuck fuck fuck.

The tendrils of the cordycep fungus rose up between the deceased fingers, and it dawned upon you that the infected were more connected than you could possibly understand. The fungus was weaved intricately below the surface, webbed together in a firm structure.

You could hear the approaching snarls from outside the wooden doors.

They were coming.

Tess was already moving around you, using the butt end of Joel’s rifle to open up the large barrels of gasoline, spilling the flammable liquid onto the tile. She was working off pure adrenaline as she knocked over each barrel. She tossed a box filled with grenades onto the floor.

The realization that Joel was losing another person who was so important, so close to his heart, was crashing down on him. He could hear his blood pounding in his ears. His eyes and mind went blank as Tess approached him. “Joel…save who you can save.” She whispered her final plea to him. These were her last words spoken in the walking, living realm.

Joel understood, as he searched her eyes. He seared her memory into the deep cavern of his brain. He would never forget her and he refused to let her down.

In a flash he had grabbed Ellie’s arm in his one hand and yours in the other, immediately yanking both of you away from the immediate danger.

“No! We’re not leaving her! We can’t! Get off me, you fucker!” Ellie yelled as she clawed at him, trying to pull her arm from his grasp.

You stumbled after him, frantically looking over your shoulder at Tess for the very last time. She gave you a small smile, followed by a reassuring nod before her face was obstructed from your view as Joel pulled you and Ellie outside, to safety.

All you hoped for was that Tess went peacefully. That she didn’t die in fear. You hoped that she died with memories of you, Joel, and Bea. Tess deserved that. She deserved to die peacefully, painlessly. You loved her to her very last moments.

Moments after Joel pulled you and Ellie outside, there was a loud explosion of breaking glass, and bright flames. The sound had Joel throwing his body over you and Ellie protectively. You could hear the distant screams of the infected suffering in the hot flames, and billowing smoke. You hoped to god that Tess wasn’t one of those blood curdling screams.

Joel immediately had his gun raised, ready to shoot down any stray infected. There were none. They were all dead. Tess had sacrificed herself for your lives. She gave you a fighting chance and you’d never forget her bravery.

You brought your arm around Ellie’s shaken up frame, giving her a firm squeeze. You kept her close as you turned her body away from the destruction and death.

Joel had already walked away as he could feel tears begin to prick in the corner of his eyes. He quickly blinked them away as he slung his rifle over his shoulder.

The three of you were dead silent as you walked into the nearby woods. Your mind felt numb, and your heart was raw. Tess had so much more life ahead of her to live. She had friends, a lover, and a purpose. She was smart, witty, and brave. She fought for those she loved, till her dying breath.

Joel was crouched down alongside the river, far away from you and Ellie. He was reaching into the clear stream, picking up rocks below the surface and gently stacking them upon one another. He was creating a cairn in her memory. A silent memorial for her short life. He thought of her as he placed each stone on top of one another.

I’m sorry. I should have done more. I should have been quicker. I should have protected you. I let you down. I failed you.

Your approach towards Joel was hesitant. You had no idea how he was going to react to your attempt to comfort him. You knew he didn’t handle loss, of any kind, well. You refused to let him suffer alone. He had his moment where he could mourn in peace. You wouldn’t take that moment from him. He deserved it. You both did. Despite this, your heart pulled you towards him. You had to make sure he was okay. You needed each other more than ever now. Tess’s words echoed in your mind with each step you took. “No matter what happens, no matter what he says, please don’t leave him. Keep him safe. Please.”

Joel could hear your footsteps slowly approach. His back immediately tensed up at the sound of your boots crunching under stray twigs. His heart yearned for your touch, your comfort. His mind was scrambled. It screamed for him to shut you out. This was your fault, after all. You insisted they take the kid from the get-go. In his eyes, and his fragile mind, Tess was dead because of you.

He squeezed his eyes shut when he felt the warm expanse of your palm press between his shoulder blades. His breath trembled as he fought hard to not lean into your touch.

“Don’t fuckin’ touch me.” He hissed lowly, keeping himself facing the stream.

“Joel, Please..Don’t—”

“Don’t what? It’s your fuckin’ fault that Tess is dead.” He harshly whispered, clenching his jaw tightly as he let his toxic thoughts slip through his broken, cracked lips.

His words felt like a thousand knives stabbing you in the heart over, and over again. You took a shaky inhale, remembering Tess’s final request to you.

“You don’t mean that. You don’t mean that Joel. You’re upset..let me–”

He whipped around to face you, his eyes narrowed into slits as he rose to his feet, towering over you. “I fuckin’ mean every goddamn word. You insisted from the get-go that we take this fuckin’ kid. I told you it was a bad idea. See what happens when you try to be the fuckin’ hero, Gwen?”

You took a step back from him, feeling your own tears threatening to spill over. “Stop. Please fucking stop! I am not at fault for Tess’s death! Neither of us could have predicted this to happen Joel!”

“I fuckin’ told you that we should just take her back to the QZ! What do you do instead? You fight against me, tooth and fuckin’ nail! Every goddamn fuckin’ time. Why couldn’t you have just listened to me for once in your goddamn life!” He spat, taking two heavy steps towards you.

“Because Ellie is just a fuckin’ kid! She’s just a kid that is now OUR responsibility! Tess agreed that we shouldn’t take her back to the QZ! She agreed with me, Joel!”

He scoffed, shaking his head as he let out a deep chuckle.

“Do you fuckin’ hear yourself right now?! Fuckin’ take some accountability for your fuckin’ actions! Tess is dead because of you! Bea is never going to see her again, because you wanted to fuckin’ save this kid, this cargo! How does it feel, huh? Are you fuckin’ happy with yourself Gwen? Do you feel fuckin’ good inside right now baby?! TELL ME HOW IT FUCKIN’ FEELS!”

Joel’s booming voice rattled your skull, and pierced your heart. You physically felt yourself cowering away from him, shrinking in on yourself.

Ellie had heard Joel’s yell from where she was sitting against a nearby tree. She was up and running to your aid immediately. You watched as the teen shoved at Joel with her hands, pushing him back with rage filled in her tear brimmed eyes.

“Hey! Leave her alone, you fucker! Leave her alone! It’s not her fucking fault! LEAVE HER ALONE!” Ellie yelled as she shoved his chest as hard as she could.

Joel was grabbing the teens wrists in his calloused palms, immediately shoving her away.

“You fuckin’ stay out of this kid! This ain’t your fuckin’ business!” He felt his pulse drop when he heard the familiar click of your gun perched firmly between your shaking hands. The barrel was shakily aimed at him.

“LEAVE HER OUT OF THIS JOEL. YOU WANNA LET YOUR ANGER OUT ON ME? FINE. LEAVE ELLIE OUT OF THIS!” You yelled, tears streaming down your cheeks.

“You gonna fuckin’ shoot me?”

“If you lay your hands on her again, I won’t hesitate.”

“You’re breakin’ my fuckin’ heart baby.”He seethed between his gritted teeth.

“Gwen..” Ellie pleaded with you.

“It’s okay, kid. I will handle this, okay? Please just...just go sit down. Please.” You whispered, giving the teen a reassuring nod that everything would be okay. Joel would never hurt you. He would never dare.

Ellie looked between you, and the brooding man before she reluctantly nodded, walking away.

Your gun was still aimed at your lover as your tears continued to fall. “How fucking dare you speak to me like this Joel. What the fuck is wrong with you?!? How dare you speak to Ellie like that! She has done NOTHING to you, Joel!”

He took a few menacing steps towards you, feeling the barrel of your gun pressed firmly against the cavern of his chest. Your lower lip was trembling, your eyes glassy with tears as you looked up at him.

“You gonna pull that fuckin’ trigger baby? You gonna pump me full of lead?”

“You know I can’t Joel. You know I fuckin’ can’t.” You whispered shakily.

“Just like you can’t fuckin’ admit that you’re the reason Tess is dead. Can’t own up to your fuckin’ actions to save your life.”

“Please stop Joel. Please. I’m begging you to please fucking stop. You’re hurting me. You’re fucking hurting me!” You yelled. Your tone was raw, heartbroken, beaten.

“Who are you fuckin’ shedding those tears for, huh?! You shedding those tears for Tess? She hated you! You know she fuckin’ hated you with every fibre in her fuckin’ being! You don’t get to cry for her! She meant NOTHING to you. Don’t stand there and act like she did! You don’t get to weep and feel sorry for YOURSELF!”

The barrel of your gun was pushing so deep into his chest now. Surely there would be a bruise of some sort forming but it was clear he didn’t give a fuck about that. Not even in the slightest. He felt his heart screaming at him to stop but it was too late. The words were spoken and they were etched deep into your own heart. Joel had gone and done the unforgivable.

“Fuck You. You don’t get to stand there and tell me how I'm allowed to feel Joel! She was my fucking FRIEND too! We had our differences, and we overcame them! I fucking loved her and YOU don’t get to take that away from me! YOU DON’T HAVE THE POWER TO TELL ME HOW I CAN AND CAN’T FEEL!”

Joel’s breaths were coming out in heavy puffs, fanning your face as you watched his nostrils flare, and his fists clenched tightly at his sides. Deep down, he knew this wasn’t an argument to win. He was just devastated that he lost someone so close to him. He never learned how to handle loss well, his old habits, and toxic feelings welcomed him in with soft whispers, and warm touches.

This was not your Joel.

“Gwen…” He whispered.

“No. Fuck you. You don’t get to say all that, speak to me that way, and take it all back. You don’t get to fuckin’ do that Joel.”

“Baby, I’m sorry I didn’t–”

“NO.”

“Gwen. You know I didn’t mean it..I lashed out, but I didn’t mean any of it! I got you, you got me, Always. Remember? I’m so sorry I–”

As soon as he was reaching out for you, you harshly pushed him away, pressing the barrel of the gun further into his chest.

“You’ll never fucking touch me again Joel. Never.” You whispered.

You removed the barrel of the gun from his chest, pointing it upwards towards the sky, before you pulled the trigger.

The deafening sound of the bullet being released and cracking through the cool air had him flinching.

You wanted him to know that you could have pulled the trigger on him. You loved that man too much to hurt him. You could never.

“Stay the fuck away from me. Don’t you dare come near me.” You seethed, tucking your gun back into the holster around your waist before you turned on your heel, and walked away from him.

Joel was left standing near the rivers edge, watching as you walked far, far away from him.

‘Cause do I love you..Oh, I do..and I'm going to ‘til I'm gone…’

Tag list:

@chaotic-mystery @peterhollandkait @yuly @soft-cryptids @dinsdjrn @myrealmofchaos @itskenziebb @lovers-liability @korynnekorynne @ems-alexandra @kirsteng42 @casssiopeia @novemberrain-writes @goodwithcheese @loquaciousferret @sarahhxx03 @777-wonders @bearsbeetsbeskar @beskarandblasters @dinsdjrn @bonglorddaryl @mirasantidotes @luvrking @finnsbubblegum @pedrostories

#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #pedro pascal characters #the last of us #joel the last of us #dark joel miller #joel miller fic #joel miller x original character #joel miller x oc #the last of us fanfiction #tlou oc #tlou fic #joel miller imagine #the last of us imagine #the last of us hbo #tess servopoulos #ellie williams #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal #joel miller angst #joel miller series #joel miller smut #burning in a hopeless dream fic #gwen and joel #joel miller x female oc #joel miller x f!oc

[grippingbeskar]

salt, ice and fire | frank castle

chapter twenty six - you bring me home

frank castle x fem! reader

warnings: 18+ content minors dni! (car sex lmaooo, mxf nothing you haven’t seen before, its pretty sweet <3) swearing, canon typical violence, mention of scars, injuries, blood, literally packed everything into this chapter its a big one

a/n: wow. this was so rough oh my god. the entire first draft deleted itself and i had to re write the whole thing from memory, so i lost my planned chapter. i really hope i got everything in here, and im sorry for the wait AND how long it is lmao but i just. can’t believe i really finished it. ill rant at the end, but if you only read this part, i love you. thank you for letting me share the absolute vomit that is my brain. you are the best.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“How was the drive?” Franks voice sends a shiver down your spine, even hundreds of miles away through a crappy phone line.

“Boring.” You sigh, pacing around the tiny motel room.

“You were meant to call an hour ago. Got me waitin’ up for you.” He sounds tired, and it makes your heart skip a beat. It’s stupid, but the image makes you a little giddy. Waiting up for you. 

“There was… traffic.”

“You get lost?”

“Fuck you.” You bite automatically and he groans.

“So yeah?” 

“Yes, Frank. I got lost.” He laughs, the sound managing to take your mind off the dark room you’d managed to secure for the night, the bedside light doing nothing to brighten the small space.

“I gave you a map. It’s a straight shot from where you started.” Rolling your eyes, you look at the map you’d now bundled into a ball and thrown into the trash.

“Who uses a printed map? Seriously, how fucking old are you?” It’s playful and familiar, and all the frustration of driving for 10 hours melts into the bed.

Being a key witness in a now ongoing case apparently didn’t come with any frequent flyer miles, because both Matt and Frank had said you couldn’t risk going through airport security and being flagged in a system, so it meant you had to drive nearly 18 hours to Florida. You thought you didn’t mind road trips, but after today you think it’s only road trips with Frank you don’t mind.

“Maps don’t change, baby. Besides, you’d drive yourself into a god damn tree the second that voice in the car told you you’d missed a turn.” You hate that he’s right— even the thought of that monotone voice droning in your ear for ten hours makes you cringe.

“Whatever. Tell me about something. You said you were going to speak to Madani today?” He’s the one sighing now, and clearly the talk was about as fun as your drive.

“She’s all over the place. Some mishandled evidence fucked their entire case, and Bobby’s lawyers were too well paid to let it go. Murdock said they’ll be able to find more— the appeal’s already been approved cause of how high profile it is, but he’s got no new evidence. He said he doesn’t know if they can get him.”

“That’s… what I expected, I guess.” Frank agrees, and your sudden silence only serves to bring the real issue to hand. “You know where he is?”

“Yeah. I got it covered.” The line goes quiet, and you don’t really know what to say.

On one hand, you want Bobby dead. You know can’t do it- it wasn’t smart, and the last thing you were going to do is drag everything Matt and Madani had worked for through the mud for someone like him, let alone put Sam in danger. Some fucked up part of you is a little mad that it won’t be you, but Frank has every reason to hate him as much as you. You know Frank wants this, and that telling him to stop is like waving a red flag in front of a bull. Your hesitation would only spur him to do it faster, be more impulsive. You don’t want to say anything to put him off.

On the other, you just want him with you. You worry like some love sick child, scared he’s walked out the door and isn’t coming back. You worry he’ll get caught, and end up in the exact spot he was trying to get you out of. You’re scared he’ll get hurt, or worse. Every time you close your eyes you can see him bleeding out, dark red staining your hands until you can scream yourself awake. There’s so many things that could go wrong, and ten hours staring over the hood of your car gives you way too much time to think about hypotheticals.

“It’s gonna be okay.” Frank says softly, and you flop yourself back on the single bed.

“Are you?” He huffs like the question is irrelevant.

“Madani asked about your dad today.” He ignores the question, and you’re too interested to poke him on it.

“Oh?”

“Asked what he knew about your time there. If he ever worked with the Gnucci’s.” A lump forms in your throat.

“You think she knows about the weird... blood stuff?”

“Don’t see why she would. Either way, it’s not gonna matter once he’s dead.” The bluntness of it almost makes you laugh. “He’ll be gone, and no one will come for it. Or you.”

“You don’t have to do this for me, Frank.”

“I’m not.” He pauses, and then sighs. “Alright, I am, but not just that. The shit he said to me in there— the things he said about you. The way he looked at you in there… I watched that shit, and there’s no way in hell that asshole does what he did and lives.”

“What if he was found guilty? Would you of left it alone?” Maybe if you’d been more helpful to Matt and Madani, it would of gone better, and Frank would be here.

“You want me to answer that?” A part of you knew he wasn’t going to let it go. That wasn’t who he was. It shouldn’t make you feel the way it does to know that Frank would kill for you— just to make you safe. It does anyway, and heat flushes over your face.

“Maybe you shouldn’t.” He agrees, a low sound rumbling from his end of the phone. “I spent most of the day wishing you were with me, you know.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. Turns out I fucking hate driving.” He laughs again, and if you could listen to the sound all night you think you’d sleep peacefully.

“You remember how mad you were that first time I didn’t let you drive?” Shaking your head, you flick off the lights slide under the covers.

“I was mad because you had a concussion and tried to fucking kill us.”

“Least I was gonna go the right way.”

“You tried switching drivers on the freeway, Castle.”

“Alright, I was a a bit out of it.” He says plainly and you smile so wide it hurts your cheeks. “Wished you were here, too.”

“I bet you did.” He groans, and you hear him shift on the bed. Your bed.

“Too much space in here. Didn’t even know we had this much blanket.” He makes a real noisy show of it, tossing around the blankets you usually roll yourself up in. It’s meant to be a light hearted thing, but for some reason the idea of Frank spread out on your shared bed, one that you’ve both used extensively— it makes your heart race.

“Dickhead.” He groans again, shuffling around some more. “This one’s too small. Probably have to sleep on top of each other if you were here.”

“M’alright with that.”

“Not a lot of room to move, though.” You look around at the room, hardly enough space to stand in the corner.

“We’d figure something out.” You let your eyes flutter closed, humming high pitched at the idea. “What are you thinkin’ about, sweetheart?”

“You.” You admit, and he seems to like it.

“Me too. Haven’t gone a night in this apartment without fuckin’ you in this bed. Drivin’ me crazy.” You hum again, pressing your thighs together to try and dissipate the heat that’s suddenly overtaken your whole body. “You thinkin’ about it now too, aren’t you baby?”

“Yeah, Frank.”

“Don’t say my name like that.” He growls, and you bite your lip to hide your laugh.

“Why not, Frank?” You practically purr the word, drawing it out and saying it all breathy like you do when he’s teasing you.

“Cause you’re gonna make me drive ten hours just to fuck you in whatever dirty motel you pulled off into.” You’re still smiling, but you think if you keep messing with him, he’d do it. He’d drive ten hours, a hundred of them if it meant teaching you a lesson. Or just being with you. “I’ll see you soon. Real soon, yeah?”

“Yeah.” You breathe out, knowing if you keep talking to him your entire plan will crumble in front of you, because you’re half considering driving home just to sleep next to him. “Soon. Be safe, okay?”

The words tumble out, and you try to hide the guilt you feel when you say them. He was only not safe because of you— because you couldn’t finish the job yourself. You’re glad he can’t see your face, because you hear him mumble on the other end and your eyes close listening to him.

“Always. Tell the kid I said hi.” With that, Frank hangs up the phone, and you slide it onto the table right next to the pistol you keep loaded and ready to fire.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Frank pulls the saturated beanie over his head, and it’s probably doing more harm than good at this point, but he doesn’t have a second to really give a shit. His eye-line is perfect— directed straight into the penthouse apartment Bobby Gnucci was driven to three hours ago. He’s been tucked away in the corner of the rooftop for just as long, watching the man pace and yell on the phone.

It had taken him a few goes to get the right frequency to listen in on the calls he was making, but once he had he took as much information done as he could. He’d had enough of watching, and now he was satisfied with the phones calls he’d listened to that the man was alone for the night; not counting his extensive security team layered through the apartment block. Frank felt the familiar hum in his veins, shoving his loaded pistol in his jeans and swinging the strap of a rifle over his shoulder, he headed down the stairs, across the street and slipped into the back of the building.

There’d be witnesses if he didn’t take the right route, and to make this work he needed every chance at an alibi he could get. He was so used to not caring— every time he’d gone into something like this, he didn’t have something to get back to. He had no preservation, no concern for what came after. Hell, if he was honest, he didn’t care if he went out doing something like this. He would of preferred it, maybe even hoped he’d die somewhere in the cross fire.

Even just talking to you on the phone had him itching to get back to you now. He wanted to be careful— something he never really thought of before. A heavy ache in his stomach that twisted something violent when he thought about not getting home, not making good on his promise from a few hours ago, it made him sick. He planned as much as he could, as much as he was capable of, and hoped to God it was enough.

Frank hid his body behind the corner of the wall. He hid his face, too, even though he’d already had Micro’s help shutting out the cameras. He knew it would set off alarms for the security team, but he planned for that. They’d spread out, follow orders that he’d listened to over the radio, three men on all the entries and exits, and then ten through the penthouse. If he timed it right, he could clear the first few levels before the guards arrived.

He didn’t care about making noise now— slamming his way up the fire access while Gnucci’s men no doubt got into position. He’d just past a number 6, and Bobby was on the top floor. 23. He kept going, not hearing any doors open. When he passed 9, the door on the level below him cracked open and he jammed through the next exit he reached, getting into position.

He could hear voices coming from his right, and steadied himself as he turned the safety off his gun. He had a small army of men to get through, but he knew if he could make it, landing the hit on Bobby would be easy.

He wasn’t nervous. Pure adrenaline flooded him, like it always did, and he didn’t think twice before standing out of cover and pulling the trigger.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“How have you grown so much?!” You nearly shout, hugging Sam tighter as he all but latches onto your leg. “God, you’re gonna be my height soon.”

“I missed you!” He says, words muffled in your jacket. You don’t even have to bend really, he’s that tall. It is even possible for him to grow that much in just a month? “Come! I want to show you my stuff. Me and Niko share a room, and it’s the coolest thing…”

You let him drag you around the house, showing you the bunk beds that are set up for him and Nikolai. He shows you books he’s brought home from school, and it makes you smile how chaotic his room is. There’s piles of books and papers everywhere, stuffed under the bed and nearly toppling on the tables. It looks like it’s lived in… like a home, and your heart warms and breaks all at once.

When he finally finishes his impromptu tour, he pulls you outside where the rest of the family has set themselves up, and runs out into the giant back yard to chase after Nikolai. You hardly had a chance to say hello to them, but if you were honest you hadn’t thought of anything but Sam since you saw him.

“Did he show you the bunk beds?” The doctor— Zaed, you remind yourself, comes up behind you on the deck. “He hasn’t stopped talking about showing you.”

“I thought he was gonna explode.” Zaed laughs, and you turn to look at him. He’s still sporting a scar across his forehead, and it somehow makes his older features look slightly hardened. His face was still soft, something about him gesturing kindness, an observation you never made in the months you were locked away. “He told me you made them.”

“It took me weeks. I am not very… handy.” Smiling, you turn back to watch Sam and Nikolai screaming and laughing as they chase each other with Nerf guns. “I am sorry for what happened with the case.”

“So am I. If he’d gone away, you wouldn’t have to stay in Witness Protection.” He nods, turning away for a second only to return and offer you a can of something. “What is it?”

“It’s Russian. You’ll like it— it’s strong.” You crack it open and take a long drink, hoping to drown the rising anxiety that kneads the back of your mind at the thought of what Frank was doing right now. “We don’t mind it so much here.”

“Florida?” He nods.

“We want to stay. Corinne thinks the children— with what they’ve been through, shouldn’t move too much. They seem happy here.” You hum in agreement, listening  to the light squeals of the youngest girl, who’s name you haven’t learnt yet, who’s got the biggest Nerf gun of all and is shooting the shit out of both boys. “It was my idea. To offer to take him in. If you are upset, please lay the blame with me—“

“Upset? God, why would I ever be upset?” He blinks in surprise, looking to you.

“You are here with him, and yet you still seem far away. I figured the suggestion was weighing on you. We only offer because… well, we have all grown quite fond of him, and for you— to you we owe our lives. I thought if we could make any of this easier…” You shake your head, finishing the bitter liquid in the can.

“You looking after Sam is about one of two good things I have going right now.” Zaed seems to relax, leaning forward onto the railing as you both stare out to watch the kids. “I think he’s happy here.”

“He is. He misses you, but he is happy.”

“And safe.”

“Of course. I pity anyone who would try to get past Corinne now.” You laugh at the tinge of genuine anxiety in his voice, as if he imagines it, but his eyes are full of admiration.

“I want to talk to him about it… make sure he’s okay, but if he wants to, I think him staying here would be the best thing for him.” Zaed doesn’t answer right away, just lets the echoed laughter of the kids fill both of your ears before he nods simply.

“He will be safe. And I am sure you will learn to love Florida, too, with how much you will visit?”

“What?” Again, a look of surprise crosses his face.

“Sam did not show you the spare room? We have cleared a space for you— whenever you need it. You… it is the least I could do. You saved my life—“

“Hardly.”

“I owe you it. My families life. My own. Whatever you should need here, the door would be open to you.” You have to look away, because it’s too much, and you don’t know when you became so soft that shit like this made you tear up.

“You don’t owe me anything. You keeping Sam safe is everything I ever wanted. I think we’re even now.” You laugh, your throat suddenly feeling a little tight.

“I couldn’t help but notice you arrived alone.” He questions, and you hide your face, unsure if the way you chew on your bottom lip gives too much away.

“Yeah.” No amount of alcohol could drown out the thought of Frank. You hadn’t heard from him in a day. Zaed looks at you, his eyes crinkling as he assess you.

“I thought he was going to drown with you that night. When he saw you go into the water… I recognise that look in a man’s eyes.” It seems so long ago now, and your hand instinctively goes to your stomach, where Frank sewed you up the first time. “He is coming soon, I assume? I doubt he would let you get too far from him right now.”

“Yeah, he’s…” You trust Zaed— but there’s only one person who takes precedent over the people taking care of your brother. “He’s just finishing up some stuff with the case in New York. He should be on his way now.”

“Ah.” He says, his eyes lingering on you in question. You say nothing, just sink a little more of the can. “Well, when he kills the ублюдок, I hope he makes it last.”

Before you can recover and wipe the shock off your face long enough to ask him how the hell he guessed what Frank is doing, Sam and Nikolai are in front of you, and Zaed disappears back into the house.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Frank grunts, a loud nearly animalistic sound vibrating off the walls as he clears the 23rd floor. Every time he breathes out, blood sprays out of his mouth. He can’t tell if it’s his own or he’s just covered in so much that it’s dripping off him. Either way he can’t help it, chest burning for oxygen after he laid the lower floors to absolute waste.

He’d ditched the assault rifle somewhere between the 18th and 19th floors, not even bothering to pull out his pistol. No— he’d fought every single one of them with his bare hands, and anything he could find scattered between dead bodies.

His right hand was fucked, and he’s pretty sure he got shot. Somewhere on the right side of his body, there’s a shooting pain between his thigh and his ribs, but it’s not enough to slow him down. He shoves his body weight into the penthouse door, throwing himself into guards he knows are ready and waiting for him. He reaches for his pistol, shooting three guys in the head before his eyes adjust to the dimmer lights in the room.

He hears them shouting orders, and he kills three more as he crosses the living room. One of them he puts through the TV screen, glass shattering under his hand as he crushes the man’s skull between the hard surface. The other two he shoots, and then moves towards the last four. All of them shield the door to the bedroom— putting their lives on the line for a man who doesn’t deserve the air he’s wasting.

Frank doesn’t have a moral compass when it comes to revenge. Not when it has to do with the people he loves. It’s why he clears the round of bullets in his gun on all four of them in less than thirty seconds, watching the lifeless bodies pile up in the doorway, there isn’t a single moment that he hesitates.

“Bobby!” Frank shouts, his voice horse and so loud he’s got no doubt the dead hear it.

He hears shuffling, and drops the pistol before stomping his way through into the bedroom. He sees Bobby, crawling across the floor in an attempt to reach for a gun dropped by one of the guards, but just as he goes to reach for it, Frank slams a bloody boot down on top of his hand, feeling the crush of bone under his weight.

“Fuck!” He shouts, and Frank smiles sickly, blood dripping from his teeth. “Get the fuck off me, you animal!”

Frank kicks him in the face, two of his teeth flying out and scattering across the carpet. As he rolls over, Frank grabs him by the collar and sits him up, watching his head lull to the side.

“Wake up.” Frank slams his fist into his skull. There was no way he was passing out this fast. Not after what he’s done. “Wake the fuck up.”

His hands shake with how hard he’s holding Bobby upright. So hard he feels the bone of his collar begin to give, and Frank chases the idea. Bobby thrashes, screaming as his eyes shoot open, the sound kicking Frank back into gear. He lets go of his shoulder long enough to pull back, only to drive his fist and crack the rest of his shoulder.

“Help m—“ Bobby tries to shout, but Frank shuts him off with another well placed shove of his weight into Bobby’s stomach, winding him. He wheezes, the pathetic sound something like music to Franks ears.

He punches him again— over and over. Not enough to kill him, though. No, Frank wasn’t done, he was just feeding the thrill. He’d been waiting too fucking long for this, and there was something satisfying about seeing this man— this weak excuse for a man being blinded by his own blood as he cries for someone to help him.

“Ain’t no one comin’ for you.” He growls, and grabs Bobby’s face so it hangs straight. His jaw is slack, but his eyes go wide when he feels the blade at his ribs. “You know that? That there ain’t a single person out there comin’ for you. No one gives a shit about you. You’re alone in here— your life in my hands.”

“Haaa—“ Bobby tries but whatever it is fades out into a scream when Frank slides the blade between his third and fourth rib. Slowly— real fucking slow. “They… they’ll come. Th-They’ll come f-for me.”

“No one’s comin’. Dead. All of ‘em. You’re alone.” He slides it a little deeper, watching the realisation wash over his face.

In truth, Frank wasn’t doing this for him. Sure, it felt fucking good, and Frank was enjoying the sight of the life draining out of his eyes, but he wants him to know why. Why he’s here, why he took out every last man in this building so he knew there was no hope. No one for him to go to.

He knew that’s what it was like for you. Frank couldn’t give you back those years, and he couldn’t take that much time with this— he’d thought about it, but he wanted this to end here and now. He could do this here, for you. Could make him know just how it feels to have all that power beat out of you, and know that there’s no one out there coming to save you.

“Stop…stop!” He wails, and Frank hits him harder. Every crack of his fist sends Bobby further into unconsciousness, and when he manages to stop himself, he shakes him awake again.

He gurgles on his own blood, dark red pools choking out of his mouth. His face is unrecognisable, already starting to blow up as he strangles in a few short breaths.

“I can… I have money. I can p—“ The effort of the words sprays another load of blood out of his mouth, and even though he’s exhausted, Frank laughs.

“You think I want money?” He leans down, yanking the knife out of his ribs and shoving it in again.

“Fuck! What do you—what do you want?!” Bobby wails again. Frank smiles.

“I want you to know that she’s the reason you’re dead. The last thing you’ll know is me— my face, and you’ll know it’s because you ended up just like you made her. Except she got out, and you never will.” Frank loses sense of time, his injuries starting to catch up with him as he yanks the knife out one more time, before slamming it home into Bobby’s skull.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“I’m watching!” You shout as Sam lines up again, taking a few steps back before rushing forward and kicking the ball towards their make shift goal in the yard. You have to admit, for only been playing a few weeks, he’s got a hell of a kick on him.

“See! I’m getting better— my coach says next year I can try out for the first grade team if I keep training!” He’s smiling so big, and then he’s gone again, picking up the ball to take another shot at Nikolai who’s got goalkeeper gloves on, ready to catch it.

You’d be happy to watch this all day, but then Corinne calls out to you, telling you your phone is ringing, and you all but leap over the railing of the deck. When you race inside, you expect to see Franks name, and your heart sinks when you don’t. You knew he wouldn’t be able to call until it was over, but it’s been nearly two days since you’d heard anything. Then, you see it’s an unknown number calling, and your hands are shaking when you disappear into what is meant to be ‘your’ room to answer.

“Hello?” You recognise the voice instantly when she says your name. “Fucking hell, Karen. You scared me. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, but are you?!” She nearly shouts, and you are still coming back to your mind with relief it wasn’t someone telling you Frank was dead. “I don’t even know how you did it, but I don’t want to. The way they found him… Jesus.”

“Wait. What? Karen, I’m in Florida.”

“What?”

“I’m with my brother in Florida. I came up here two days ago after the trial.” She goes quiet, and you can hear the commotion in the background. Remembering it’s a Tuesday, and that she must be at work, it only furthers your suspicions. “Who’s dead?”

“Bobby is. They found him. They found his body— but…”

“Karen, tell me.” All you need to hear is Frank wasn’t found. That he got out of there before anyone saw him. It would be your fault— all of it would be your fault if he was found. You needed to get back, you needed—

“Sorry. Sorry, I just thought… with everything that happened before, I thought it might of been you. Bobby’s dead, but… there’s nearly 50 men in the building with him. They’re all dead. And Bobby; he was hardly recognisable. It took them nearly 24 hours to identify him.”

“24 hours?” Frank needed to get out of New York as soon as he killed Bobby. If the police had been crawling around there for nearly a day… “Karen, I gotta go. Thank you for calling.”

You cut it off before she responds, and call the only number saved in your phone. It only rings twice before he answers, and you could nearly cry when you hear his voice.

“Stop fuckin’ ringin’ me, Murdock. I don’t know shit and I’m busy.” He grumbles through the phone, and you choke out something between a laugh and a sob. “Oh, fuck. Sorry— hey, sweetheart. Was just about to call you.”

“It’s… did the— job go okay?” You try to calm your voice as best you can, knowing that if anyone traces the call he’s done for.

“It took me longer than I thought. Had to get stitched up, then Curtis drove me halfway— passed out for most of it.” Before you can ask, he answers. “I’m fine, don’t do that.”

“You’re okay?” Relief floods your body, phone nearly slipping out of your hand with how hard you were gripping it. “Everything’s… everything’s okay?”

“Come see for yourself. I’m pulling up.” Like a kid on Christmas, you toss the phone and basically sprint to the front door, hearing an unfamiliar truck rumble down the isolated street.

He’s driving, clearly having ditched Curtis, but when he gets out he’s got a limp, and his hand is bandaged. You don’t run, instead you stand in the driveway and soak up the image— Frank; leaning against the door of the truck, sunglasses covering up what you have no doubt are black eyes. Alive. Favouring his left side and still with dried blood on his head, but fucking here.  

“You’re hurt.” You say it when you finally reach him, but it sounds pathetic, closer to the tone you’d whimper his name in.

“Don’t worry about it.” He says huskily and reaches out, yanking you forward and slamming his mouth to yours.

The soft touch of his bandaged hand is opposite to the greedy grasp of his free one, the one wrapping around your back and fisting the material of your shirt, pressing so you were flush against him. Both of your hands cup his face, feeling the rough surface of his skin. You lose yourself in the taste of him as your fingers trace the patterns of scars peppering around his head— a constellation you’ve memorised a million times over, and yet it still feels as illuminating as the first.

He groans your name, sliding his hand up to grip your jaw, thumb tugging on your bottom lip. You lean back slightly, staying at close to him as possible. His eyes look you up and down, and there’s a glint in his eye; a hunger that never seems to be satiated when he looks at you. He’s still feverish for it, and it makes your toes curl in your shoes.

“Fuckin’ missed you.” He mumbles against your lips, and it makes you smile against his.

“I can tell.” His other hand forgets it’s injury as he searches your body, gripping your hips and pressing you closer.

“Get Sam. Let’s go home.” He tucks his head lower, mouth kissing under your jaw, and as much as you do want to get the fuck out of here with him, you pull away.

“He’s… he’s staying here.” Frank pushes the sunglasses off his face, looking at you through what is actually only one bruised eye.

“Staying?” You nod. “You sure?”

“I talked to him about it. He fucking loves it here, Frank. He didn’t want me to go again, but you should of seen him with them. They treat him like their own, and he adores them. It’s so much better than anything I could of thought.” Frank wraps his arms around your back and hugs you right, and your eyes flutter closed. “And you can’t just leave. They’re expecting you to come in and say hi.”

“Why?” The way he says it makes you laugh, as if you’d just asked him to drink gasoline.

“Come on.” You tug him by the wrists, and even though he groans and leans on you up the driveway, you both stagger inside and follow the sounds of Sam’s laughter, leaving everything else behind.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“They were being nice.” You haven’t wiped the smile off your face since you slid into the passenger seat this morning. “Well, I slept great. I don’t know what you’re complaining about.”

“Mhmm.” Frank grumbles, clearing having a much worse sleep than you did.

It was sweet, and truely, you wanted to take them up on it. When Frank dragged himself through the front door of  where Sam had been staying, everyone had nearly jumped on him. Sam couldn’t contain himself, clearly trying to play it cool but simultaneously thinking Frank was the coolest person he’d ever met. It was sweet, the way Frank was with the kids, the sight making you both smile and want to cry.

Either way, when Corinne and Zaed had offered for you both to stay the night, Frank agreed and all but dragged you down the hallway after dinner. The spare room was nice— set up clearly for two people, and you were only human.

It would have been perfect— had the room not been sharing a wall with your brother and his new best friend. A very fucking thin wall. One that was nearly vibrating with how loud they screamed every five minutes playing some game on the TV. The louder they were, the more it became apparent that neither of you would be getting a lot of sleep, and not in the good way.

Having Frank that close all night but not being able to do anything about it reminded you of the start of this whole thing. How you shared a bed with him but had to force yourself to keep your hands to yourself. It was borderline painful, but eventually you managed to drift off to sleep, not missing how hard Franks hands were gripping your hips like he had to physically cement himself to stop from fucking you through the bed.

When you woke up, Frank had all your shit shoved in the car, and was outside cooking pancakes with Sam. You took your time saying goodbye— making sure to thank both Corinne and Zaed properly, and then promising you’ll be back. Soon. ‘So soon you won’t even have time to miss me’ you’d promised Sam, and he grinned and hugged you before disappearing to get ready for school.

“Where are we going, anyway?” Frank looked to you before shifting in his seat, one of his hands resting on your thigh and squeezing.

“Got a stop to make before getting back to New York.”  You’d been driving for a while now— about half way between New York and where you’d left Sam. You turned in your seat, resisting the urge to roll your eyes.

“Don’t be cryptic.” You try to sound assertive, but you can’t seem to hold any resentment when you could feel the warmth of him palm on your thigh.

“It’s close, alright? Promise.” The words eased something in your chest, the same way his smile did when he looked at you.

A small silence drifted between you as a Billy Joel song hummed softly on the radio, and your head dropped, eyes tracing over the bruises left on his knuckles. Your fingers dance around them, careful to keep your touches light. You follow the lines of black and blue up over his wrist, watching them disappear under the arm of his jumper. Your curiosity gets the better of you, and when you push up the sleeve just slightly, you swear loudly.

“Fucking hell! Is this broken?” You pull the sleeve up higher, and you tighten your grip on his wrist when he goes to pull away. If you hadn’t watched him so closely, you would of missed the way he winced, and you let go immediately. “Sorry. Sorry— fuck, Frank. Is this all from—“

“I’m fine. Just a couple scratches.” He says, keeping his blackened eyes trained on the road. It would of been easy to miss— not seeing him without clothes since he’d come back. Bile rises in your throat at the thought he was hurt because of you— because he was doing this for you. Suffering for you. Like he has the entire time.

“Are you lying?” He shakes his head, and you lightly poke him in the side. He hissed loudly, flinching away from you and swerving the car. “Pull over.”

“I’m not pulling over.” Frank groans.

“You’ve been driving for hours, just—“

“It’s fine. We only got a few more miles till—“

“Please.” There must have been something in your voice, some kind of soft vulnerability that even he isn’t used to hearing, and then the car is pulling off the side of an empty highway, dusk rolling over the hood of the truck.

You reach out, pulling the sunglasses off his face to reveal him slowly. This part you’ve seen, but it still knocks the wind out of you. The cut along his cheekbone, not deep enough to need stitches but you know it will scar over. His right eye is a deep purple, the left nearly green. You go to draw your fingers over his face, but hesitate, worried you’ll hurt him. He sees you pulling back and catches your wrist, placing your palm between his cheek and his own hand.

“Don’t do that.” You choke out a laugh, smoothing your hand over and back into his slightly longer hair, pulling him closer over the console of the car.

“I’m not doing anything.” You say softly, something guilty in your voice. When he hears it, he shakes his head at you.

“Can read you like a book. You got nothin’ to do with this, alright?”

“I have nothing to do with it?” You want to laugh. “I’m the reason you were there. The reason all this happened.”

“I would of been in the same place with or without you. This part?” He gestures to himself, his torso that you know all too well is littered with scars. “This isn’t a part you blame yourself for.”

“But it is. My fault.” He opens his mouth but you talk first. “All of this… watching those kids today, watching Sam— all I ever did was put him in danger. And you. It’s better for him to be there, away from all this. Away from me. Maybe now all this is over, it would be better…safer, if you—“

“Stop. I don’t wanna hear that shit. You know how selfish you sound?” You blink a few times, eyes meeting his. At some point he’s leaned even closer, and you can feel the heat of his body thawing you out. “You’re right— I wouldn’t of gone back to New York the past two days if it wasn’t for you. You know why?”

“Listen—“

“No. I wouldn’t of gone back because I would of killed that asshole six months ago and been home in time for dinner. I’ve been doin’ this a long time, and there’s nothin’ you could of done that would of changed how this ended.” He holds your face up to his, rough hands holding you as gently as they could, and his thumb traces the scar just above your eyebrow. “Sam is safe with them, but don’t think for one fuckin’ second he’s better off without you. God knows I’m not. You’ve done nothin’ but good for that kid, and I’d… fucking hell. I’d be dead without you, you know that?”

“No you wouldn’t.” Your voice was so soft it hardly broke the silence, but he leaned in, his forehead pressing to yours. “You could probably jump out of a building and walk it off.”

“Maybe. But now I gotta be careful nd’ come home to you, don’t I?” He smiles, and then kisses you and you forget where you are. Words die on your tongue and are replaced by the taste of him, mind freezing over when he touches you. He does it every time. Every time he manages to take your breath away with one whisper of your name, one swipe of his thumb over your mouth. It’s intoxicating and dependant, something you never thought you’d want, but it feels so good with him. His hands drop to your waist, their pull demanding and needy as he yanks you up and over the centre console and onto his lap.

“I’d do it again. All of it. Kill every single—“ You kiss him again, squeezing your eyes shut, and he groans as you shift on his lap. “Fuck, baby we should wait till…”

“Till when?” You say breathlessly, and despite his words his hands are already sneaking underneath your shirt, his cool hands meeting your feverish skin. You can hardly keep your eyes open, and your hips roll forward again, seeking him out. “I want you now, Frank.”

“Fuck it. Doesn’t matter.” He says and then crashes into you, your back nearly pressing against the dash with how quick he moves. Your gasp of surprise is lost in his mouth, and you can feel the sparks he makes in your chest crackling their way through you, toes curling in your shoes.

Your half bent backwards, legs in either side of his as he keeps your chest pressed to him, both arms wrapping around you to hold you steady. You tug at his shirt helplessly, getting it stuck around his arm and he smiles against your mouth, leaning back to look at you before whipping it over his head.

In the dark of the room last night you wouldn’t of seen it, but now the lights streaming in from the car window, and Franks torso is nearly a rainbow in it— blue, purple and green bruises all up his side, with a short but deep cut on the low right side of his abdomen. He’s taken the bandage off it too early, the stitches still healing, but you can tell it’s expert work. Much better than the botched job you did a month or so back, something he still bares the reminders for.

“Just… just a couple scratches, huh?” He grunts something illegible and hauls you back to him.

“Shut up.” He keeps you pressed close, not giving you a chance to say something back, but then his hands dip lower and you’re a goner.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Yeah. Fuck waiting.

He’s got you here— now, on top of him, and he can’t even fucking think of anything else. Your hands are being so gentle and cautious when he really couldn’t care less about the pain, but you do. You always do.

He wasn’t gonna waste another second, and seeing your eyes close the second he got your pants off and dipped his hands between your legs… it’s pretty much as close to heaven as he was going to get.

You fall forward, Frank catching you with one arm and pulling you close while the other continues slow, teasing circles just how he knows gets you all worked up. Your head tucks away into his neck, and he lets you hide for now, but when he’s got you home— real home, then he’ll be able to look at you as much as he god damn wants.

Your hips move against him, chasing his slow rhythm, and he feels your teeth scrape agains this neck, wordlessly rushing him along. 

“You need me that bad?” He says lowly, and watches in awe the way his words wash over you and yank you closer to the edge. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Shouldn’t of left you so needy—“

“Fuckkk… right there—please.” Your voice was so high it cracks a little, and it fucking sets him on fire.

“Get my belt for me, baby.” He whispers, feigning a bit of self control as he watches you quickly fumble with the buckle. The slight brush of your hands could finish him then and there, and he had to squeeze his eyes shut to try and remember why he wanted to wait. He had just one more card to play— one that you’d seen him play a few times before, but he doesn’t think you expect it this time, and he needed some semblance of composure to remember it.

A real house, white picket fence and all, smack bang on halfway between New York and Florida. He couldn’t leave New York, not ever, but he had a new anchor now, one that deserved to have it all.

Frank planned to take you straight home. Make a ten hour drive and keep his hands to himself, but how the fuck could he when you were like this? Looking like you do, touching him so fucking sweet and soft and saying how much you missed every part of him— it was a dream come to life, and one of the few moments he’d let himself go in.

You shuffle as close as the seat allows, your now naked chest pressing against his. He dips his head, kissing your jaw, and he’s suddenly surrounded by you. Arms around his neck, warm and soft as your fingers thread in his hair, both of you moan at the feeling of him sliding into you. It’s white hot and nearly painful, how even with the way you’re dripping down your thighs, it still takes you a second to take him all the way. You wriggle your hips, trying to settle yourself and Frank nips at your neck, slowing your pace just slightly. He can hear you sigh, but you listen. You always fucking do.

“Shit— so fucking good. You can take it.” He hums and runs his hands over your skin. You lean into the touch, and when you sigh again he sinks your hips lower, a short punch of your name bursting from his chest when you slam yourself down. “Fuck. There you go.”

He’s a wreck underneath you, and your hands slither away from his hair to his face when you pull him up to kiss you. As much as he loves the feeling of your hips grinding down ever so slightly right now, it’s this part he loves the most. The slow intimacy of it— how he knows he can stay right here for the rest of the day and nothing will change. He can feel how much you love it, how much care you handle him with, and it cracks something old and hard in his gut.

You shudder as he lifts his hips, keeping your mouths together and kissing hungrily. He’d think you’d both been starved for a year the way you two act, but he’d admit it to anyone that asked that he was gone for you. He knows it well and true, in his chest and in the way you bounce in his lap, moaning into his mouth like he’s breathing air into your burning lungs.

“Fuck— fuck, I love you. I fucking… Jesus Christ, you’re so good. I love you.” He can’t shut himself up, and your breath gets faster. He knows you love it when he talks. “C’mon, baby. Let me see you— wanna feel you. I know you want to.”

“Slow… Frank, you’re gonna hurt yourself—“ You suck in a breath and squeeze your eyes shut. His hands stay tight on your hips, and he feels the pleasure buzz under his palms, your skin nearly alight with it on top of him. “Oh my god, don’t stop.”

He wraps his forearm around you and fucks you harder, any pain and injury burnt out by how tight you are around him, and how perfect you fit him. He’s close, so close that he’s hardly able to kiss you now. You both collide in a mess of tongues and sighs, and when he hears you croak out his name into his mouth, he knows you’re cumming for him.

He can’t hold himself back, chasing you into that high with blinding abandon. It hits him like a freight train, bowing him over you like he’s taken a hit, but it feels so good he can’t register that he isn’t breathing like this. He keeps kissing you until he’s sure he’s going to pass out, and only stops when you pull away, eyes darting to the highway where headlights slowly flicker on the horizon.

“Shit.” You say breathless, and you laugh. He can feel it, the sound shuddering through him from where he was still deep inside you, and your giggles soon turned to something less innocent when you heard Frank groan into your chest. “C’mon. Someone’ll see us.”

“Don’t move yet.” He puts his hands on your waist, fanning them out to reach as much of you as possible.

“Mhmm.” It’s like your body gives out at his request, slumping forward and moulding into him like you were made to fit this way. This was what he was talking about. The way you fit together— something that should be out of the question for him fits so right. “I love you, too.”

“Mhmm.” He copies and feels you smile against his skin. His hands trail up your spine, tracing the line of bones lightly to leave goosebumps in his wake. “What time is it?”

“Who gives a fuck?” You mumble, the words half muffled into his neck.

“I want you to see the house in the light, but you wanna go at it blind, be my guest.” It takes you a second, a scoff coming out of you before you sit up abruptly, making him groan again.

“House? What house? Another safe house.” Frank couldn’t keep a secret to save his life when it came to you.

“It’s a house. Twenty minute drive from here.”

“But New Yorks not—“

“I know. Good thing we got cars, yeah?” Your eyebrows are crossed together, and Franks thumb slips over the small scar he left on your face. The movement shifts your gaze to something softer, and he feels the brush of your eyelashes on his finger as you blink up at him.

“You did it on purpose. It’s right in the middle.” You say softly. “Jesus, Frank. You didn’t have to… I mean you—“

“Take a breath. I didn’t buy it. Was a gift from the US Goverment. One thing those guys are good for is their money. I just picked the spot.” He could nearly hear the rave of your heart, and you crushed yourself into him, words hushed and mumbled into his ear, but they melt him to the core all the same.

He’ll never get over hearing you say things like this to him. That you’re grateful for him, that he’s doing a good thing. It’s like nothing he did before you was ever good enough. There was always the next job, always the next group to track, but nothing would be enough. There wasn’t a light at the end of the tunnel for him. But here you were, telling him that he was the reason you were gonna be alright, and if he squints he can see it. The flicker of something hopeful, and if he holds onto you as tight as he can, he might just live to see it light him on fire.

“Did you say… you said twenty minutes from here. Why didn’t we just wait until—“

“Would’ve ruined the surprise.” You laugh again, and the feeling has him gripping you tighter. He leans closer to whisper in your ear, his voice low. “And I wanted to fuck you here and now. Don’t want there to be a single fuckin’ surface where I ain’t had you.”

“Better get driving then, Castle. Sounds like you got a job to do.” The glint in your eye nearly makes him drag you outside and bend you over the hood, but the kiss you give him after is sickeningly sweet, so much so that he lets you slide off him and back into the passenger seat without so much as a nip of his teeth. “Tha–”

“Wait. Wait til you see it.” Frank said, and something about the way he looked at you had you nodding simply, and watching the trees race by as he sped you home.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You were asleep on the balcony again, and Frank moved as slow as he could to let you stay that way.

In the two weeks you’d been here, he could count on one hand how many times you’d actually slept in the bed. There were no neighbours for miles, nothing interrupting the stretch of sky all the way to the hills. Even Frank had to admit it was a killer view.

He came inside, pouring himself a drink, and a strange pit in his stomach settled after the burning liquid soothed his throat. He can’t seem to kick that feeling when you’re asleep. When you were awake, next to him, there wasn’t anything else he could think about. But alone, walking around a house he owned, a life he might try and live staring him in the face, he felt guilty. There were parts of him he wouldn’t ever get back, but this wasn’t something he thought he’d ever have. Peace and quiet, time to himself. A woman he loved within eyesight, buried under blankets cause she was too stubborn to come inside when it got freezing. He couldn’t figure out why now, of all times, was the time to be thinking of Maria. The weight of the ring around his neck was like an anchor. He knew it was stuck on the bottom of the ocean, but he couldn’t find it in himself to let go. He would sit there, hand cut up and bleeding, holding on for dear fucking life if no one moved him, waiting until he drowned.

Your footsteps were soft, in a way that he knows you can’t help. You tread through the open double doors, and Frank would roll his eyes at the way he could hear your teeth chattering if he wasn’t so distracted.

“You should of woke me.” You say, voice muffled from the mess your head was buried under. He took a step toward you, pushing it back so he could see your eyes.

“It’s late.”

“Couldn’t tell.” He can hear the smirk in your voice.

“You finally frozen to death, smart-ass?” You grumble something in reply, and he catches a few curse words before you look at him again. It’s nearly scary, the way you can read him with one sweep of your eyes. You clock his tone, the way he isn’t leaning into you with his full weight, and squint your eyes.

“What is it?” Frank sucks in a long breath, and kisses you.

He’s a complete idiot. That’s what it is. He can feel the buzzing pulse you wake in him, every movement of your lips on his rooting you deeper in his soul, chipping off ice until theres only warmth. How’s he supposed to tell you, after you’ve just kissed him like that, that he was thinking about his–

“You can talk to me about her, Frank.” You say with your head against his. Not it, her. Before he can ask, you smile a little. Even just a hint of that smile and he’s forgetting how to breathe. “You play with the ring when you’re nervous. It’s actually a bit of a tell.”

“Yeah?” He manages, hands trying to search their way through the blankets for you.

“Yeah. You have a lot of tells. For someone in your line of work, it’s actually a bit worrying.”

“You got me all figured out.” He says and means it, but you just roll your eyes.

“And you lean to the left when you think you can’t make a shot. You think it helps your angle.”

“Who woulda thought you were so observant.”

“You know, I actually did watch you when you were teaching me how to shoot.” Frank smiles, your skin finally under his palms. His hands splay on your back, and you lean closer.

“You were trying to fuck me the whole time. Don’t blame me for being surprised.” You try to whack him but your arms are pinned under the layers. Your laughter carries through him, skittering into his chest until he can’t help but laugh too.

“You came onto me.” He laughs harder. “It was very unprofessional. I was there to learn.”

“Damn fucking right I did.” His voice is low, and you shuffle around under his hold until your hands snake up behind his neck. His hair is too long, but he hasn’t cut it just yet. He tells himself that he hasn’t had time, but truthfully he likes the way it feels when you sift your fingers through the ends of it. Like now.

“You can tell me.” You say again, softer. He’s softer too– more malleable now you were here.

“I can’t help it.” He looks over your shoulder, and you follow his gaze to where the sun is now just starting to rise. “She woulda… woulda liked it here. The kids, too.”

“You think so?” He nods, still staring into the orange sky.

“Probably would of had a lot to say about the inside, though.” You wrap around him tighter, head on his chest. “She was so good with those things. She loved when we painted our house. She had all these colors painted next to each other on the wall. All these different kinds of green. Everyone kept sayin’ it all looked the same but she... she could tell the difference. I could see what she meant when she put the couch next to it and shit, you know? She was real good with that stuff.”

“We could use her help around here. This place is sort of… ugly, on the inside.” He laughed again, his throat feeling tighter as he looked around. There was those same colour swatches, but none of them were coordinated like he was remembering. Pinks, blues, oranges and grays were all mixed together in big, sweeping strikes along the wall, stopping right above where your arm would be able to reach. “What would she have gone with?”

He looks down at you, your face washed in the light of the sunrise.

“The light orange. It looks good with the brown.” He nods over to the couch, an old leather one you’d made him pick up off the side of the road.

“We’ll do that one, then.” You tuck yourself under his chin, sighing.

“I think about ‘em everyday. What the kids would have looked like now. What they’d be doing. How Maria and I would of… raised ‘em. I was away all the time, but I just-”

“I think you would have been just fine.” You say into his chest, and Frank takes a shuddering breath.

“Why’s that?“

“Cause she was in love with you.” His chest tightens, and the grip he’s got on your waist gets a little tighter. “I’m… I’ll never be able to fix…that. It’ll always be with you, and nothing will change what happened, but I want you to know that they will always have a place here. You don’t have to apologize for talking about them– the kids, or Maria. I will never, ever not listen, and it will never be something I don’t want to hear. If they’re always with you, they’ll be with me, too.”

Frank takes two steps forward, and your feet pick up just in time to catch yourself before he throws you back on the couch. He’s never been good with words for things like this. He doesn’t think he should try to shove it all in a sentence, either. Not when theres so much he wants to say, but even more he wants to do.

You lay back, and he moves slowly. He wants you to know every move, every brush of his hand and his mouth is by design. He wants to know every square inch of you inside and out like you know him. He wants his hands to pull the strings, letting you hear all the things his mouth could never possibly form.

“Perfect.” Frank sighs against your mouth, over and over again. It was. You were. Are. The pit in his stomach disappears, pushed out and engulfed by the flames in his chest. There was no room for anything, not a single other feeling or word could possibly fit the way you two fit together. Your fingers tug at his shirt, and he takes it over his head. Your hands run and smooth gentle lines over his chest, over the healing wound on his side. It's jagged and wonky, and it nearly spelt your name. Frank thinks it’s the first time he’s looked down at himself and not hated to see the scars.

He unravels you like a gift to himself, savouring every moment even when you try to shrug off the blanket. You hadn’t dressed since last night, and Frank liked it even more this way. You sighed his name, and Frank shuddered, sealing his mouth over yours again. When his eyes opened for a split second, he could see your face, washed in orange light, and your hair swept to the side. He shut his eyes and kissed you again, the image seared into his mind forever.

Frank had faced a lot of bad things in his life. He had been shot, stabbed, pulled apart and put back together more times than he could remember. He thought he’d seen it all, felt it all before, but there was nothing like this. Nothing made him as weak as your fingers in his hair, and nothing made him as strong as the way you moaned his name. Nothing felt as good as sliding inside you, and nothing felt as empty as when you were gone. It made him lightheaded and brought him to the brink of consciousness, but he knew that this was right.

It could of been minutes or hours that had passed when he let himself go, but no amount of time with you under him would stop him from wanting more. The sun was up now, and Frank had you tucked to his side on the small space of the couch, legs tangled together in the blankets and each other. He felt you shiver against him, and the blankets wrapped around you had come loose. He bent to fix them, and when he moved you did it again.

He looked down, seeing the cold line of metal pressed against your bare back. The ring at the end was hanging over your ribs, and when Frank touched it, it was freezing. Holding it in his palm, it didn’t feel as heavy as it used to, and when he read the engraving on the back, he still felt cold.

Looking down at you, how you rolled over and sought him out even with your eyes closed, he leaned down to kiss the scar on your forehead. Then, like it was the simplest thing in the world, he slipped the necklace off over his head, and placed it in a neat circle on the coffee table next to his head.

They would always have a place here. But it wasn’t them who gave him warmth anymore.

When he tucked himself back under the covers, he knew it was you. It was always you.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

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okay theres going to be an epilogue at some point, but it will probably be small and have very little plot, so this is the end of the main story. so, heres a little rant for you. if you read it, thank you, and if you dont, thank you anyways. knowing anyone is reading my words is a gift enough.

i think i have been writing this series for like 5/6 months ish?? thats fucking wild. i dont have an exact word count, but all i know is its fucking long. i cannot believe i wrote this much about a fictional character, but damn. that is a lot.

basically all i want to say here is thank you. to anyone who has read, interacted, or will read in the future, thank you from the bottom of my heart. it might be a lil dramatic but having people read stuff i write, let alone actually enjoy it makes me so incredibly happy. starting to write on here, and for frank especially, is probably one of the best decisions ive ever made. this series was a struggle to finish for so many reasons, mainly my incredible lack of planning and overall dumb writing schedule, but i have met so many incredible people along the way, and i am just so grateful to have a lil space to share my work.

frank castle will probably always own a giant spot in my heart, so thank you for letting me share my version of him. and letting me add as much smut as i want to this with no complaints bc i fuckin needed it okay!!!!!! i love you all. rant over. series over. damn!

p.s. i am never not going to write frank. dont worry. i already have an idea for my next series lmao!!!!!!!! luv ya!

#frank castle #frank castle x reader #the punisher #frank castle x y/n #frank castle x you #marvel tv #the punisher x reader #the punisher x you #marvel #the punisher x y/n

[stormflower8]

south asian!ballister part three!

it's times like these where I can't help but feel a little bad for people who have little to no interest in these headcanons, because this is my third day in a row posting these and I feel as though they may be clogging up the tags a little bit

oH WELL

speaking of, part one is here, and part two is here!

also, I saw someone asking if people can use these in their own headcanons or fics or art and YES, absolutely yes!! but if you do, please tag me (or whatever the equivalent of that is, I'm still very new to tumblr, this is like my fourth post) because I would love to see it!!

okay I ripped up tumblr to find this but this stream of headcanons is inspired by this post!

specifically this part "I find the idea of Nimona not being able to handle spicy food but loving it at the same time hilarious Especially considering the fact that they’re living with two Asian men and Asians don’t play about spice (I swear to this day my Mama burned both her and my tastebuds off) They try really hard to look tough and eat all the food they’re given But snot is running down their face and there are tears in their eyes and they need to take constant breaks Poor baby coughs when you add sriracha to their food Whereas Bal and Ambrosius are out here guzzling hot sauce like it’s water Nimona prays on their downfall while also begging the boys to teach them their ways"

credit to @a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual for the above segment

so, naturally, ballister and ambrosius have an incredibly high spice tolerance

back in their institute days, they would have little contests on who could intake the most spice without faltering

neither of them could consistently best the other, it was inconsistent results and basically was just a 50/50 situation

ambrosius is the kind of person to eat a ghost pepper straight and be like "oh that's kind of spicy" in the most casual but mildly interested voice ever. as if he's pleasantly surprised

pre-canon, ambrosius would have bal test the spice level of dishes, but post-canon, he realized that wasn't the best idea, so he gave the job to nimona instead

there's this south asian condiment called "achaar", and it's basically... okay I have no idea how to explain it but the wikipedia definition is South Asian pickles, also known as Avalehikā, Uppinakaayi, Pachadi, Loncha or Noncha, Achaar, Athāṇu or Athāṇo or Athāna, Khaṭāī or Khaṭāin, Sandhan or Sendhan or Sāṇdhāṇo, Kasundi, or oorugaai is a pickled food made from a variety of vegetables and fruits preserved in brine, vinegar, edible oils, and various South Asian spices.

it basically adds a sort of tangy spicy flavor to your food

and while that sounds kind of strange I swear it's good

actually I don't like achaar very much but I've heard from family members that it's good LMAO

anyways, ballister uses it religiously. he LOVES that shit

there is a jar of achaar on the table at all times

ambrosius doesn't like it and it's too spicy for nimona, but they get it anyways because of how much ballister likes it

speaking of food,

there are certain south asian foods that ballister really holds close to his heart

like, he got them at the orphanage, but never at the institute

so like, street foods

specifically pani puri (also called golgappa and probably more names) because it's my favorite

for those of you who don't know what that is, it literally translates to "water (pani) deep fried bread (puri)" but that is the worst explanation ever so just google it

ballister, obviously, can't cook anything except rice and chai (I mean, seriously, just look at him. he's banned from the kitchen), so he never learned to make any of those traditional south asian recipes he loves

one day, post-canon, ambrosius finds a place that specializes in pani puri and remembers ballister describing them to him pre-canon and decides to grab some

he brings them home and when he shows ballister, Ballister was silent for a moment, a tantalizing, tense moment that had Ambrosius all but holding his breath. His anxiety began rising as his gaze flickered from Ballister to his setup on the table and back again. Maybe I misread his reminiscence all those years ago, Ambrosius panicked internally. Oh god, maybe I completely misremembered it and he has no connection to this at all. Or, worse, I crossed a line I shouldn't have even approached. "Uh," Ambrosius managed an awkward chuckle. "I saw a place, and it reminded me of something you once said, and I thought it might be a good idea but I guess it wasn't and I probably shouldn't have led with 'I have a surprise you'll like' because that just sets up expectations and-" His rapid-fire speech was completely silenced when Ballister crossed the room in a few long strides, cupped Ambrosius's face in his hands, whispered "I love you so much." in a voice that sounded almost choked up, and kissed him.

anyways, south asian food, especially street food, holds an incredibly special place in his heart

this last one I'm kind of torn on my approach to it, but it still felt worth throwing in the pot

horrible pakistani dramas

god I hate them

so, there are two options here

option A, ballister hates them too

he can't stand them, he complains about them whenever they come up, if for whatever reason he has to watch one he'll rip apart the plot so much so that the writers would never recover if they heard him

or option B, ballister has a love/hate relationship with them

because let's be real, no one other than my thrice divorced aunt ACTUALLY likes them

now option B can go a number of different ways

maybe bal really hates the idea of them and hates the plot, but goddamnit it, they STILL get him stupidly invested in the plot to the point where he's yelling at all the characters in urdu and on the verge of ugly crying and going on an angry rant and just bundling himself up in a miserable blanket blob

or maybe he hates them in theory, but they're a guilty pleasure that he only really indulges in for the kind of entertainment where it's so bad it's entertaining

I honestly have no clue if ANY of those are in character, but I'm sure if I shoot either one of them or some combination of multiple, it'll be at least slightly accurate, right?

finally, two super short ones!

ballister has a rule against no shoes in the house

"oh, but he's seen wearing shoes in the house in the movie!" uh, yeah, in a dusty ass abandoned tower. only AFTER he had it all cleaned out and actually furnished (post-canon) did he (and ambrosius!) start taking off their shoes indoors

and

he sits down to eat or drink

even just a glass of water, he'll sit down for it

even if 'sitting down' entails sitting on a table

it's just a force of habit at this point

looking at my notes, that is actually everything I have written down! this means that these headcanons will probably cease now, as it might take me a while to come up with more.

we'll see though!

-Storm

#nimona 2023 #nimona #ballister boldheart #riz ahmed #ambrosius goldenloin #ballister x ambrosius #south asian #desi #supposedly drinking water sitting down is good for you #but I'm not sure if that's right #don't quote me on that

[the-stress-express]

Attention Hazbin Hotel Fanfiction Enjoyers!!

I have a snack for y’all!!

I’m in the process of writing the first chapter of my new Hazbin fic and I wanted to give you, my Lovelies, a sneak peek of the dialogue. (Although, it looks more like a script at the moment). Eh, whatevs.

——————

It’s going to be mostly centred around Lucifer, Michael, Sera, and Emily (although, other Hazbin characters, both canon and non-canon, will be in it as well).

For example, I will be including God in this fic. And I will say right now that my characterization and representation of God is NOT meant to be taken as religiously accurate or anything like that. You don’t have to like it, but I do ask that you please remain respectful in voicing your opinions.

Anyway…

Once I have most of it (or at least a few chapters) finished, I will be posting it on Archive Of Our Own (Ao3). I may also post it here for those who don’t use Ao3.

But without further ado, you can find my sneak peak under the cut. It’s a bit long but I hope you guys like it.

Enjoy, Lovelies!

START OF PEEK

Sera: Come now, Michael, pick up the pace. We mustn’t be late.

Michael: *Groans and yawns* Sera, where are we going again? Why are we going anywhere so EARLY? Heaven’s not even awake yet.

Sera: *Sighs quietly* I told you five minutes ago, Michael. This is the third time you’ve asked me now. *slighty raises an eyebrow with a frown*

Michael: Oh… right. *Looks down at the ground, looking a bit crestfallen*

*Sera turns back away from Michael as they continue walking, seemingly oblivious to his saddened state.*

Sera: Michael, this behaviour cannot continue. You must improve your listening. As Father’s Angel of Justice, one of His most important angels, someday you will be part of the Heavenly Council, the ones who are responsible for keeping Heaven safe and balanced. So, you need to take your role seriously. You should know that by now.

Michael: *frowns and stops walking, feeling embarrassed* I was listening. I just… kept forgetting. I’m sorry. *tears form in his eyes as he fiddles with his sleeves* I-I do take my role seriously, Sera. I r-really do.

*Sera’s eyes widen as she realizes what she said to him. She had forgotten how sensitive he could be when it came to criticism and how much he often took things to heart. How could she be so blunt? Yes, he would need to learn to take criticism, but was still just a young child.*

*But most of all, how could she forget? She knows what Michael is like. Other than God, she’s been the one mostly raising him.*

*A couple tears begin to trail down Michael’s cheeks as he looks to the ground in shame. A frown washes over Sera’s face as she kneels down in front of Michael.*

*She sure feels guilty now. She made him cry. How dare she.*

Sera: Oh, Michael. Please don’t cry.

*She cups his face in her hands and wipes away his tears with her thumbs.*

Sera: Shh, it’s okay, honey. It’s okay. I’m sorry for getting upset at you. I didn’t mean to be so harsh. I just want you to be prepared to help govern Heaven in the future.

Michael: *sniffles* I know…

Sera: *Sighs* But even so, that is no excuse for accusing you of not listening and being careless on purpose.

Michael: *sighs and sniffles as he looks at the ground* I try act mature like you and the other angels. I try to listen when you all tell me things. I want to listen, but… I’m just too stupid.

Sera: *Gasps quietly* Oh… no, Michael… Michael look at me. Please. *He looks at her* Don’t say or even think anything like that ever again. That train of thought stops this instant. You are not stupid. You are smart, determined, and caring.

*Sera sighs slightly shamefully and closes her eyes*

Sera: You are also quite mature for your age, and I sometimes forget how young you are. That as much as you’ve grown, you are still a young fledgling.

Michael: *eyes widened* You forget things, too?

*Sera opens her eyes again and looks at Michael with a small, reassuring smile.*

Sera: Of course. Angels are some of Father’s greatest creations… but even we are not flawless. As much as we may try to avoid it, we will make mistakes. That’s just how it is. However, what’s important is being able to admit to our mistakes and to do our best to fix them. That is true divinity.

*Sera takes Michael’s hands in hers.*

Sera: So, again, I’m sorry for what I said and for getting upset. It was not your fault and it was not kind or fair of me to be hard on you and make you feel less than. You’re a child. You deserve to be treated with patience and dignity and shouldn’t be expected to behave as if you were an adult.

*A smile quickly spreads across Michael’s face as he finishes drying his face with his sleeve.*

Michael: That’s okay, Sera. I forgive you. *Jumps into Sera’s arms for a hug*

Sera: *smiles* Thank you, Michael.

*Sera hugs him back.*

Michael: Thanks, too. I’ll do my best to make Heaven proud.

Sera: You’re welcome, my little angel. I know you will bring honour to us all.

*More hug I guess lmao*

Michael: I love you, Sera.

Sera: I love you too, Michael. *breaks the hug with a smile and strokes his cheek lovingly before standing up* Now, come along. Father is waiting for us.

*Sera holds out her hand, offering it for Michael to take, which he quickly does. Realization then dawns on his face as his wings flap excitedly a couple times.*

Michael: Oh, yeah, that’s where we’re going. Father wants to show us something, right?

*Sera looks down at Michael with an endearing smile and nods.*

Sera: That’s right.

END OF PEEK

#hazbin #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel 2024 #hazbin hotel michael #hazbin hotel sera #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel emily #lucifer hazbin hotel #lucifer morningstar #hazbin lucifer #hazbin michael #hazbin sera #hazbin emily #hazbin hotel angst #hazbin hotel fluff #hazbin hotel fanfiction #hazbin hotel fandom #fanfiction #fanfic #my fanfiction #my fanfic writing #my fanfic ideas #my fanfic stuff #dont steal #stay hydrated #my lovelies

[rozcdust]

Stitches

Pairing: Rindou Haitani x GN!Reader

Genre: Crack

Word count: 1.4K

Warnings: OOC, canon divergent, violence, mentions of injuries, mentions of blood, mentions of stitching a wound shut, mentions of gang violence, 0 medical accuracy

It all started with a dislocated shoulder, Ran’s hysteric meltdown and Rindou’s inability to flirt like a normal human being.

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3

“YOU ARE DYING! OH MY GOD, RIN, YOU’ll FUCKING DIE! YOU’LL DIE AND THEN I’LL HAVE TO BURY YOU AND WHO’LL PAY RENT WITH ME?” Ran screeched, his foot pushing the gas pedal to the floor, wildly swerving and almost causing at least 2 car crashes.

“Babe, I think he’ll be fine, it’s just a few scratches-“

“DON’T YOU ‘BABE’ ME KAKUCHO! HE’LL DIE! LOOK AT HIM! HE CAN’T MOVE HIS ARM!”

“I think my shoulder dislocated,” Rindou grunted from the backseat, eyes shut tight as he tried to ignore the dull pain in his shoulder and the warm trickle of blood falling down his side, staining the car seat red.

“Just hold in there, Rin, we’ll get you to a hospital soon.” Kakucho tried to comfort him, turning in his seat to pat Rin on the head.

“I’m fine, you’re overreacting,” Rindou mumbled, exhausted and just wanting to take a long, dreamless nap.

“YOU WILL DIE! OH MY GOD, MY BABY WILL DIE!”

“RAN FOR FUCK’S SAKE YOU’RE NOT MY MOTHER!”

“I RAISED YOU! YOU ARE MY CHILD!”

“Siblings.” Kakucho muttered under his breath, leaning back in his seat and praying to whatever God is out there that Ran doesn’t crash and actually kill them all.

Rin looked utterly miserable.

Kakucho truly hoped he’ll be fine.

Rindou was aware getting treated might be a little more problematic, being notable gang members and internationally wanted criminals and all that jazz, but seriously.

The nurses here were overreacting.

Leaned on Kakucho to prevent passing out from dizziness, Rindou listened with half an ear as Ran hurriedly explained the situation, almost tripping over his words, and just for a second, Rindou felt guilty for Ran having to worry so much in the first place.

The nurse nervously nodded, typing a number into her telephone as she gestured for them to wait.

“Doctor l/n? I need you here please, we have a patient with a seemingly dislocated shoulder, and some superficial cuts.”

Rindou couldn’t hear the response on the other side, but he did hear the opening and closing of one of the offices, before steady, quick steps approached them.

He glanced at the doctor, and almost wished he didn’t as heat spread over his cheeks.

The doctor was fucking hot.

They quickly stopped in front of the trio, politely smiling.

“Gentlemen, please follow me, my name is doctor l/n, I’ll take care of you tonight.”

Ran quickly pulled Kakucho and Rin to follow, all while trying to explain the same, somewhat modified, yet truthful version of the story he told the nurse.

“We got into a minor fight, but my brother fell awkwardly and we think he dislocated his shoulder, he can’t move his arm and he’s bleeding and-“ Ran sounded as if he was on verge of a panic attack, making another pang of guilt pierce Rin’s heart.

The doctor clearly could sense Ran’s distress too.

“Sir, please, I can promise you your brother will be fine, try to breathe for me right now please, it wouldn’t help anyone, least of all you, to have a panic attack right this moment. Please, come in. You can sit on these chairs, and you-“ The doctor pointed at Rindou, eyebrows raised, clearly in expectations of a name.

“Rindou Haitani.” He quickly muttered, already sitting down on the stretcher in the office, trying to avoid the doctor’s knowing gaze.

Why did they have to be so hot?

And why did Rindou have to be such a mess?

“Okay, mister Haitani, are you able to remove your shirt?”

“I- I don’t think so?”

“I’ll help.” Kakucho jumped in, to Rindou’s relief, carefully unbuttoning the suit vest and shirt Rindou was wearing underneath.

The cute doctor rolled their chair right next to the stretcher, carefully observing the bruise blooming on Rin’s right shoulder, before their eyes drifted to the cut.

It wasn’t too deep, but it will require stitches.

“Will he be okay?” Ran was standing right next to you, nervously biting the skin of his thumb as he tapped his foot against the floor.

“The shoulder is visible dislocated, but I would like to perform an X-ray just to be sure-“

“I don’t think that will be necessary,” Rindou cleared his throat, nervously avoiding everyone’s gaze, “My joints pop out of place all the time, usually I can just push them back into place after an hour or so but someone*-“ Rindou glared at his brother, “Panicked and forced me to come here.”

Your eyebrows furrowed.

“Your joints dislocate often?”

“Yes.”

“After which activities?”

“It just happens at random? Sometimes it happens if I sit down wrong or move my arm too suddenly.”

Nodding, the doctor gently led him to lay down on the stretcher, the skin of their palms warm against his own freezing one.

“How long has this been happening?”

“Since he was a child.” Ran quickly responded before Rin could as much as open his mouth, “I just assumed it was normal? Our father had a similar issue.”

“I see.” The doctor frowned, carefully taking hold of Rin’s arm.

Their eyebrows furrowed further.

“You have awfully smooth skin.” The doctor commented, chewing on their lip as they gripped his biceps and forearm to start setting it back into place, “Tell me if it hurts too much.”

Rindou felt heat spreading up to his ears, his gaze darting away from their movements.

“Um, thanks? I moisturise.”

Rindou wanted to kill himself.

That was the dumbest response he could have offered.

He heard Kakucho’s little snigger, and promptly sent him a glare letting him know to shut.

The fuck up.

“No, no, it’s not that. Even exceedingly well-moisturised skin wouldn’t be this smooth.” The doctor said, fully serious, their movements gentle and slow, “Say, sir, are you prone to bruising?”

“He is,” Ran jumped in again, “Bruises like a peach, has ever since he was a kid. The doctor said it was most likely anaemia.”

“I see. I will start pushing the joint back into place, let me know when to stop or when it hurts too much.”

Rindou nodded, holding his breath as the doctor started moving his shoulder.

A sharp pain sprung through his shoulder, making him grit his teeth, but he refused to say anything until he heard a familiar crack.

“Your pain tolerance is exceeding.” The doctor commented, letting go of his arm, and he almost whined at the loss of touch.

He contained himself, however.

That would have been fucking embarrassing.

He carefully tried moving it, sitting up as he only felt a familiar, dull pain go through his shoulder.

“Thank you so much. Um, could you also take care of,” Rindou pointed to the cut on his side, “This since I’m here.”

The doctor smiled politely, warmly, making Rindou’s heart skip a beat and more heat rush to his face.

God help him.

“Of course, but first, I have to ask you a few more rapid-fire questions, and you just tell me yes or no, okay?” The doctor said, getting out a notepad and a pen, clicking it open.

“Sure.”

“Tell me if you experience any of the following: wounds that are slow to heal?”

“Yes.”

“Wound leaving large scars?”

“Evidently.”

“Stretchy skin?”

“Yes? I think.”

“That’s alright. Hyper flexibility?”

“Yes.”

“Heartburn and frequent nausea?”

“Yes, but I take medicine for that.”

“Okay. Frequent joint pain?”

“Yes.”

“Fatigue?”

“Sometimes.”

“Okay.“ The doctor clicked their pen shut, glancing between him and the notes, “Sir, I think you may have EDS. I can’t stitch your wound, I’m afraid, your skin will likely tear, but I do have bandaids that are an alternative to proper stitches.”

“HE HAS AN EATING DISORDER?” Ran wailed, making everyone in the room jump, and Rindou could swear he saw tears forming in Ran’s eyes as he turned to Kakucho, “I knew it I shouldn’t let him work out with you, look what you’ve done! You’re ruining my chILD!” Ran was full on sobbing now, somehow getting ahold of a medicine magazine with which he was now beating defenceless Kakucho with.

The doctor looked mildly alarmed.

“Sir, please calm down. I didn’t say an ED, but EDS, fully called Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. It is a genetic disorder affecting connective tissues, making them looser and more fragile. I believe your brother has the most common form, hypermobile EDS. Getting it noticed by a rheumatologist, which I am, is usually enough for a proper diagnosis.”

“Oh.” Ran stopped beating his poor boyfriend half to death, looking at the doctor dumbfounded, “It is genetic? I PASSED IT TO HIM?!”

“RAN, FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME YOU DIDN’T BIRTH ME!”

“YES, I DID!”

“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!”

“So…” The doctor interrupted, now with a playful smile spreading on their face, “Would your mother over there approve of getting that closed up or not?”

Rindou was mortified.

🔖Taglist (open):

@1818cigarettes @nana-phobia @dilf-city @wakasa-wifey @rinsie @kisekihany @missarabellla @bajifairyy @cryszus @r-xochitl @m0rrax @levistiddies @bxnten @spookygeto @graythecoffeebean @yukihime-mikeys-girl @mukounisuru-gashadokuro @sunahyejin @crybabylisa @yamaguccitadashi @minoozi @gigibobigi @trashmemebitch @frogtits1 @sup-zfam @whydohumansss @xashiui @bontens-whore @nqctre @anotherdeadendpath @lumi-does-some-stuff @hana-patata @hxked @erza-uzumaki @sh4nn @sisnot @aurel1ia @nahoyas-nymph (in bold are those who tumblr won’t let me tag. my apologies!)

a/n: was this entire fic an excuse to write about my hc that Rindou has EDS? perhaps 😌 you can pry that hc out of my cold dead hands

#tokyorev #tokyo revengers #tokyorev x reader #rindou haitani x y/n #rindou haitani x reader #rindou haitani #ran haitani #kakucho hitto #kakucho x ran #kakuran

[mikauhso]

Small fandom rant, feel free not to read.

I don’t really care what an artist has done as a person, unless they’re like literally hitler or someone who you’d punch in public for their crimes, I find it a bit sad and annoying how so many artists online are willing to tear down someone else’s art to say “I did it better.” It’s one thing to give constructive crit in good faith, and it’s another to make an OC-ified version of canon out of your love for something, but creating something out of spite will almost always ring hollow for me. I see so much good art duct taped to posts about how “here I fixed it” or “lol you can’t draw” and I think back to the time when I learned the phrase, “you’ll attract more flies with honey than vinegar.” It disheartens me to see artists and people I’d know to be kind and constructive not extend the same kind of care hey show irl to someone online based on their parasocial relation to them. It’s such a low-stakes game and people will act like a mid show having characters they enjoy is the end of the world, and in doing so will take personal snipes and make insults at the art instead of addressing the actual problem head on, because it’s easier to derail and funnel attention and love towards yourself instead of ask that others improve. I love redesigns born of love. I love rewrites that try to see an artist’s vision, but at a certain point I wonder if people even like what they’re making art about or if they’re slapping something recognizable over top of it in order to ride trends.

The internet normalizes clout chasing to the point where I feel like we do it almost instinctively. That little insult or sly comment at the end of a post, that’ll sway people to your side. Saying why you don’t like some person despite not knowing them. It’s valid to have your opinions but I wish people would act like they would in the real world. You wouldn’t go around and scream at someone who you saw post this one thing one time. You wouldn’t punch someone based on a rumor, or verbally berate them in a restaurant. Yet people post so much shit online and it’s so normalized that we don’t even register it as a sign to log off anymore.

I feel like social media is something incredibly important for communication, but it’s currently designed in a way that centers ourselves and how much dopamine we can get, whether it’s at the expense of others, ourselves, etc. And we’re part of the problem too, we refuse to change and recognize that maybe internet points aren’t worth it and maybe it shouldn’t matter what people think of us. And maybe it’s an opinion I have but I shouldn’t judge someone based on what fraction they put out on the internet of themselves. Maybe I should cook myself a snack or go out for a walk or sit on the balcony or in the yard, talk to a friend face to face. Again, I love what the internet has done for accessibility but every accessible thing is locked behind a service designed to ignore vitriol and anger towards one another.

I guess I fall prey to this too, but I’ve seen this pattern happen again and again and again. There are people behind everything that’s made, and unless it’s ai or something stolen, an artist put their time and heart into it. It’s part of the game to have tough skin but I wish it didn’t have to be a necessity because of spiteful people.

I guess I should add an addendum, this is about a pattern I’ve seen in many a fandom. This isn’t about the morality of a show’s crew or whatever, that’s a conversation for another day that I’m not getting involved in because the personal lives of others are no business of mine. Hah, there I go again. But in all seriousness. I’ve seen it in Hazbin Hotel. I’ve seen it with High Guardian Spice. Velma. Steven universe. The owl house. Any new show I’ve seen come out where someone decides to have a moment and say “I will create out of spite and a need to be seen.” I wish artists didn’t feel the need to ride trends and that we’d value each others’ work as much as something put out by Disney. But that too, is a post for another day.

#fandom #fandom in general #some thoughts on redesigns #redesigns #Hazbin hotel #I don’t really know if I expect people to read this or not I just had to get it out somewhere #Velma #high guardian spice #online fandoms are fascinating #general internet stuff #character redesign #out of spite #spite isn’t healthy #at least not consistently

[mixedupmojo]

Dating monkey king JCA

This guy is seriously underrated. Which is a pity as he is such a fun character (at least in my opinion) So I have decided to rectify that. Here are some head canons for what it would be like to date the monkey king from Jackie Chan adventures. 

(I feel like this is one of those pieces of writing that borderline both good and bad. Any way enjoy)

• The moment he sets his sights his sight on you it's all over. The boy is totally love-struck, we're talking heart eyes, floating cartoon hearts, shot with cupids arrow, the works, he is gone. • And your life will forever be a lot more chaotic as he has made it his mission to woo you (as well as enact a long list of pranks but that can be put aside for late first ROMANCE!) • Get ready from now on your life will be filled with over-the-top, cheesy, grand romantic gestures and wacky shenanigans. • He will do anything to win your affection. Some of these instances include: -flooding part of your city/town so he can take you on a romantic gondola ride -coming home after a long day only to open your door and be swamped with a tidal wave of flowers. And after finally managing to dig yourself out, only to find that your entire home is bucay upon bucay full of them -flirts with you constantly. This sometimes develops into a whole skit. Referencing some type of Romanic pop culture the best example is the Romeo and Juliet speech. -popping up out of nowhere so he can talk and hang out with you. Which slowly devolves into him trying to show off and impress you. Will also randomly kidnap you every now and then to take you on spontaneous dates   - during a romantic dinner he is pulling some bugs bunny level stunts one moment he's your date next he's acting as the waiter, then he's the chief, then a violin player, etc....etc..... Just switching between all of these different roles all the while still holding a conversation with you. it's honestly quite funny especially when he gets in an argument with himself over the fact that the waiter is flirting with you despite it literally being himself -giving you interesting/expensive pieces of jewellery. And you later find out via the news that he took them from a museum or some fancy jewellery store. And subsequently having to find a way to sneakily return it so you don't get in trouble (or keep it I don't know your moral compass ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) • Eventually, if you agree to be his s/o he will be over the moon and you will have gained yourself one over-the-top but very dedicated lover • Has made it his personal mission to make you laugh as he loves the sound of your laughter, especially a full blown belly laugh. the first time he got you to laugh like that made him so soft he practically melted into a puddle of goo. but whatever you do, do not fake laugh! at any one of his jokes, I'm serious. as he will get extremely upset with you and it will devolve into a full blown fight. That will require a lot of apologising and making up on your part to get him to forgive you. • Expect a lot of cheesy pet names from honey bunch, snookums, schmoopsie woopsie boobear slowly getting more and more ridiculous/sickly sweet the further he goes on. Stop him before he goes too far and you throw up from the sweetness. • On a side note, he will call you his queen • Very physically affectionate. He is always touching you somehow, whether it be slinging an arm around your shoulders, holding your hand as he drags you off on your next adventure or having his tail wrapped around your waist • He's a nuzzler. So watch out because that beard of his tickles and he will use it against you • He has done the whole kiss up your arm thing while calling you sweet pet names or just generally praising you • He knows how to keep you on your toes there is never a dull moment when you're with him • I don't know why but I think he would be a bit of a movie buff, based on all of the pop culture references he makes in the show. as such he love's watching films together with you, however, he cannot sit still for the life of him. Not to mention he would talk throughout the duration of the film. I can guarantee at the end of the movie there will be popcorn everywhere. • On a side note, another thing you end up doing a lot together is performing. He absolutely loves to be at the centre of attention and craves the spotlight. And with you being his partner he will want you there with him. And often drag you along to join in on his act, whether it be acting, magic, stand-up comedy, dancing, or karaoke. he just wants to include you in something that he enjoys and overall for the both of you to have fun together (on a side note he does not care if you're not good at any of it or if you both look silly he just wants to have fun with you). However, if you’re the type of person who very much enjoys staying out of the spotlight he will respect that but expects you to be a part of the audience cheering him on.   • loves it when you play with his hair and will pretty much let you do anything with it. Which means you can braid it to your heart's content. • Will include you with his wacky costume changes often giving you an outfit to match his • Playing pranks on various people, and just because you’re his significant other don’t think that you're safe, as he will prank you too. Usually, it's just some ploy to trick you into kissing him, however, some of them are purely at your expense. if he ever takes things too far though and makes you upset or "gasp" the unthinkable makes you cry. He will make it up to you with a huge grand gesture and once things calm down, offer you a soft heartfelt apology • If you have a similar sense of humour as him he would love it if you were his partner in crime • Pitching in on prank planning becomes part of your quality time together • Helping him out whenever he gets stuck in doll form be it by finding someone he can swap places with or through some other magical means. And for whatever reason, if there is ever a scenario where you're the one to swap places with him and become a doll, he will stop at nothing to find a way you turn you back all the while taking care of you while you're in your doll form. • He is still salty over what Jackie and jade did to him and is still looking for revenge against the two. Personally, You have nothing against the two and actually get along with them whenever the monkey king is not around. (there have been multiple occasions where you have ended up having tea with uncle, getting food with Tohru or jade, having in-depth conversations with Jackie or getting into mischief with jade) However now and then you may end up getting roped into whatever crazy scheme he concocted to get back at them. But most of the time you're just observing from the sidelines. • When the Chans first met you they first thought you were being mind controlled or manipulated in some way and subsequently ended up kidnapping you only to find out on you worn't and you just really loved this goofy monkey. Needless to say, the monkey king was not at all pleased to find out you had been kidnapped, and by his enemies no less. Which results in him coming to rescue you (not kidding he actually road in on a horse dressed as a knight in shining armour to come and get you) this result in a series of hijinks that get weirder and weirder as. one monkey king is trying to protect you. babying you all the while, after all, you have just gone through a traumatic experience being kidnapped and all (even though they were very nice kidnappers). Two, him trying to get some well-deserved payback ( at least in his eyes) against those who kidnapped you aka the Chans. and three, you trying to stop him from committing a felony while simultaneously trying to show that you're ok. it finally ends with half of the city in chaos, Jackie and the fam a little worst wears, section 13 freaking out over the damage and with you now officially on their radar and with you completely exhausted and very much in need of a nap with a clingy monkey at your side.    

• The monkey king doing something ridiculous in the background Jade: What do you see in him y/n: he makes me laugh

• Stopping him when his pranks take a more harmful or lethal turn. As seen in the show this boys humour can get pretty dark • He gets jealous really easily, and can't stand not being the centre of your attention. And as such this does cause problems within your relationship but after sitting him down and telling him how much this is damaging your relationship. He will back off and try to be a bit better for your sake with only the occasional relapse here and there. • At the end of the day, he really does love you and would do anything for you

#monkey king x reader #the monkey king #jca #jackie chan adventures #headcanon #My writing #jackie chan #jade chan #uncle #tohru

[fixa-ryeter]

it’s time for ageswap!reigen lore. it’s time

one of Reigen’s stark character motives is to be an Annoying Little Shit. but everyone loves him at this point so it’s alllll good. he has a good heart but just doesn’t know where to go with it at times. he witnessed an exorcism performed by Mob, tracked his office down and barged in to throw salt all over the place as an audition. Mob can’t get rid of him. he didn’t have the heart to and would not succeed even if he tried.

the Reigen fun facts:

he’s a whole inch taller than Mob! 5’4

he’s 14 years old now. joined Mob’s business when he was 11. he helps out with secretarial work and other miscellaneous jobs, and Mob pays him for it. adequately.

he’s gay. it was an abrupt realisation after fanboying over Omori Motoki for. a While

very silver tongued for a fourteen year old. if he were older people would take him more seriously and he’d have much more success with it

hyper-expressive and hyperactive.

quite clueless, but he does try to sympathise and understand wherever it counts.

quite the extrovert. very impulsive. pretty clumsy.

his parents both work so they’re usually not home. sometimes he feels neglected since they don’t have time for his emotional needs most of the time. he knows to be grateful for the material things but wishes that he could be closer to his parents.

he has an older sister who’s 16. they quarrel a lot but they’re mostly over stupid things. they have each others’ backs but his sister is highly suspicious of Mob for whatever reason.

gets into fights in school. sometimes because he gets picked on. sometimes because he accidentally starts one. Mob patches him up a lot.

he spends a lot of time at Mob’s because he LOVES annoying the shit out of him. and also sees him as someone to look up to.

he didn’t have suitable adult role models in early childhood, so doesn’t put much importance on things like his future.

the more pressure he’s under, the more he bullshits. he’s quite good at it. but there’s always a tipping point.

he’s latently psychic, but only just enough to see spirits. to be decided if he ever develops them.

actively tries to steal Mob’s Stompy Boots even though they’re a size too small for him.

has had an intense interest in the paranormal since he was 7 and never grew out of it.

the Go Go Reigen! soundtrack encapsulates him so well btw especially canon Reigen who gave Kenji Kawai the right /lh

#mp100 ageswap #mob psycho #reigen arakata #arataka reigen #age swap au #mob psycho 100 #mp100

[drivinmeinsane]

Don't Go Breaking My Heart

※Chapter Two ※ Holland March x Jackson Healy ※

{ masterlist } ※ { ao3 } ※ { previous chapter }

※ Summary: Even during the most wonderful time of the year, Holland March can't help but be clumsy. A stressful hospital trip to set the detective's re-fractured arm leads an unfortunate revelation about his relationship with Jackson Healy.

Part of the Butterfly Effect collection. Can be read as a standalone.

※ Rating: 18+ for mature content.

※ Content/Tags: Fluff and Angst, Smut, Established Relationship, Period-Typical Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Injury, Canon-Typical Alchohol Consumption, reference to religion, Typical Idiot Holland March, Insecure Jackson Healy, Collaboration, first time anal sex, lotion as lube,(Seriously do not use lotion as a personal lubricant), Holly just wants her dads to get their shit together, mention of Christmas

※ Word count: 3,474

※ Status: Complete/Multichapter, Chapter 2 of 2.

※ Author's Notes: Second chapter of the collaboration I did with @danime25. It's always a pleasure to cook with someone else. &lt;3

It’s the harsh beam of sunlight boring through his eyelids that wakes Holland up. Without opening his eyes, he rolls over in the bed and reaches out for his partner. His hand makes contact with nothing but slightly cool air. It’s so jarring that he’s instantly awake, staring at the space Jackson Healy that has been occupying every single night without fail for the past few months.

Scenes from the night before flash in his mind and he can’t quite suppress a groan. He can only hope that the other man is still in the house and not in his crappy apartment above the comedy club that had turned into an office space rather than a place to live. Surely they can fix whatever the hell went wrong between them.

The detective awkwardly scrambles out of bed, all too aware of his injured arm. He goes through his minimal morning routine feeling as though he’d been run over and left for dead in the street. He hasn’t felt this battered since the Amelia case that had brought Jack into his life to start with. Roughly wiping his damp face off with a towel, he finally steps foot into the living room.

His knees want to buckle in relief when he spots the other man standing in front of the coffee machine. Holland has to rein himself in to keep from rushing over and wrapping his arms around him, seeking reassurance that everything is all right between the two of them. Instead, he takes a seat at the breakfast bar. His cast makes a heavy thudding noise against the counter-top. Healy doesn’t so much as twitch at the sound.

Pulling a cigarette out of the pack resting on the counter, Holland observes the shorter man. He puts it between his lips and lights it. While he contemplatively takes a drag, he watches Jack take two mugs out of the cupboard and pour them both coffee. Despite last night, the other man is careful to leave Holland’s black, doctoring his own with a heaping spoon of sugar and way too much creamer. Healy picks up both mugs and places the PI’s down in front of him before taking a seat at his side.

“Holly left a note. She’s at Jessica’s. Wants us to figure our shit out,” the other man says as a greeting. Holland just nods, tired.

“So, my head is a little hazy from last night,” he says around the dangling cigarette, “but did we break up or something?”

His partner’s hold noticeably tightens on his coffee cup, almost enough to shatter the ceramic, before he relaxes his hand. When he speaks, his tone is bitter. “What was there to break up? Two men can’t be in a relationship, March. Last night at the hospital sure proved that.”

“C’mon Healy, you don’t mean that,” his voice catches in the back of his throat.

If Jackson says another hurtful thing like he just did, Holland is going to have to show him the door. He knows how he feels about the other man. Society be damned, if loving Healy is wrong, he sure as hell didn’t want to be right. He knows they’re doing to face vitriol over their relationship, but he knows there are other people like them. Hell, there is that politician in San Francisco… what was it…? Narancia? It was some kind of drink. Thinking out loud, Holland mumbles, “Juice?”

“It doesn’t matter what I mean. I can feel however I wanna about you, and it still doesn’t change things,” the other man responds while Holland thinks. After a lengthy pause he looks at him, confused. “What the hell does juice have to do with this?”

“Huh? Oh, there’s this politician. His name is some kind of drink…”

Healy puts his face in his hands and lets out a hopeless little chuckle. “Jesus, March… What do you want from me?”

That is enough to snap him back onto the topic at hand. “I just want us to go back to what we had… even twelve hours ago. When I could kiss you and you wouldn’t flinch away like I was trying to kill you. Shit, I just want us to be together without all of this .” He waves a hand in the air, his cigarette tucked between his fingers.

“I don’t want you to wake up down the line and realize you wasted your time on someone who doesn't legally matter. I can’t be there for you and Holly like a woman could. I’m the worst possible option for you.”

“And how many times do I have to tell you? That doesn’t fucking matter. I love you regardless,” he snaps back, hackles up. For a heartbeat, he doesn’t realize he said the thing that he’s been struggling to say for weeks. It dawns on him and he winces. It’s too late to suck the words back into his mouth.

Healy is deadly still. So still that Holland would even take a slap across the face if it meant that the other man had heard him. His cigarette burns to the end of the filter and he snubs it out in the nearby ashtray. He doesn’t look at his partner

Finally, the silence is broken by the bruiser's audible swallow. “You don’t mean that, March. You can’t waste that on me.”

“No, I do mean it!” He shouts, getting up from his seat to pace. Holland gets more worked up with every step he takes. “Damn it, Jack, I love you.”

Much to his trepidation, his partner also gets to his feet and approaches him. Jack stops short and clenches his hands, self-soothing. The grizzled man looks unsure, very much unlike the image of himself that he presents to the world. “I want what’s best for you and your daughter.”

“You’re what’s best for us. Look at everything positive that has come out of this. Holly thinks of you as another parent. I think of you as a partner. What I want is you .”

Jesus, he could use a little liquid courage. Even without, he still bridges the gap between the both of them and kisses the shorter man, arms firmly around his neck to keep him close. Holland meant every single word of his outburst. He breaks the kiss, anxious. “I love you so much, Jackson Healy.”

His words are finally enough to get Healy to turn the affection. Holland can’t help but sag with relief as the other man’s arms wrap around his waist and hold him tightly. They’re forehead to forehead, breath intermingling. “I… I love you too, March.”

“You better,” he quips before ducking in for another kiss. This time it’s eagerly returned. He smiles into it, nipping lightly at his partner’s mouth. He pulls away, trailing his fingers from the nape of Healy’s neck to his stomach. He toys with the hem of the other man’s shirt. “You know… there was something we were going to do last night.”

“Right, and then you went and broke your arm,” Jackson says, carefully deadpan.

“Well, yeah… But we can make up for that now.”

He’s pleased when he receives a low sound of agreement and a squeeze on the hip from his partner before the man sets off in the direction of the bedroom. He might be hopelessly needy for Jackson Healy, but at least the other man was equally as infatuated with him when he wasn’t having a crisis. If anyone was going to be panicking, it should be March. It’s his role in this ragtag little family.

On the way to the bedroom, Holland starts working to strip himself of his clothing. With his daughter out of the house, he doesn’t have to be nearly as modest. He lets his pants fall the moment the door is closed behind him. Healy is immediately crowding him against the wood. The other man’s hands with their scarred knuckles slide underneath his shirt and pull it off his head to reveal his soft body. The detective feels something tender well up in him at the careful way his partner extracts his re-fractured arm from the sleeve. Soon, he’s left in just his underwear and socks.

Healy is panting in his ear, sloppy kisses laid in the crook of his neck. He groans at the feeling of the other man’s facial hair scraping along his sensitive skin. The knee that the shorter man just wedged between his thighs is going to speed things up more than Holland would like He feels like a live wire, ready to spark at any moment. Reluctantly, he pushes at his partner’s chest with his good arm, shoving him backwards until he nearly falls on top of him when the backs of Jack’s knees make contact with the bed and he goes down onto the mattress.

With a clumsy hand, Holland strips the prone man of his sweater and his undershirt. His dick twitches with an almost painful throb in his underwear the minute the other man’s upper body is exposed. Holland desperately wants to grab hold of his shoulder and rut against his partner’s stomach until his cum is matted in the dense trail of hair adorning it, but there’s something he wants more. He clamors up onto Jack’s jean-clad thighs, legs spread wide to accommodate the girth. He presses his forehead against the man’s broad shoulder so they don’t have to make eye contact while they discuss what he wants.

“Uhh…” he starts, not very eloquently.

“Yeah, March?” Healy's newly placed hand is a soothing weight on his back.

“I know we usually give each other handies or blowjobs…” he trails off, scouring his mind for the words he needs. He fails. “Maybe we can do something more?”

“… Like using my chest?” He questions, referencing one of Holland’s earlier requests. The first one he’d ever made.

“Actually… more inside than that,” he clears his throat, thankful that the other man cannot see his flushing face. Holland has seen enough porno content while on cases. They both have holes, surely his partner can pick what he’s implying here.

“March…” Healy trails off, sounding strangled, “you want me to take it up the ass?”

“ No! I want you to stick it in me. Have me take you up the ass.”

“Oh… Yeah, yeah, we can try that, but… I haven’t y’know.”

“Well, neither have I.” Holland shrugs a little bit, not too concerned. He trusts his partner enough to not hurt him.

Finally, he peels himself off of the other man. He scrambles to find a comfortable spot on his back beside him before stripping off his boxers and throwing them onto the floor. Jesus, what he’d give for a drink right now, but Healy doesn’t fuck around with him unless they’re on equal footing when it comes to being sober.

With less confidence than he’d like, he mimics the position he’d seen once playing on a television screen at one of the more questionable places he’d questioned someone at. His legs are spread, inviting Healy to kneel between them. The other man does. Through half-lidded eyes, Holland watches him swallow and run a nervous tongue over his lips. He leaves his arms at his side, wanting him to take the lead. He’s willing to be moved around like a Ken doll by Jackson’s hands

Holland is not disappointed by the other man’s initiative. He can’t contain a moan at the feeling at the warm hand wrapping itself around his soft cock, stroking it into hardness. His pleased noises get swallowed up by Healy leaning over him to press his mouth to his. Both men are wedged together with hardly enough space for the bruiser’s hand to work at him. Holland is the one who has to break it off to draw in heaving breaths, he’s already leaking copious amounts of precum over Healy’s knuckles.

Without pausing the steady movements of his wrist, his partner checks in with him. “You doin’ alright? You’re never this quiet.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Holland responds, staring up at him. He feels his face flush again. Healy looks better than he has any right to after a night of presumably sleeping on the couch, but this was his guy. His partner. Of course he’s going to look good to the PI.

“Let’s do this already. We need lube…” He glances around the room for something to use before spotting a bottle of lotion on their bedside table. “The lotion is probably the best we’re gonna get.”

Without preamble, the other man leans over just enough to pick it up. Holland’s teeth end up worrying at his bottom lip as he watches Jack slick the fingers of his right hand until they’re pale and streaked. They two of them are as ready as they’re ever going to be for this.

His hole easily accepts the intrusion of Healy’s finger. He moans, throwing his head back into the pillow and arching his body. “Yeah, that feels good. Feels really good. Fuck .”

That finger feels even better when the other man pumps it in and out of him. He can’t keep himself still. The second only heightens the sensations he’s feeling, finally giving him enough of a stretch that foreshadows what’s to come. The detective nearly leaps off the bed when Healy’s otherwise unoccupied hand reclaims it’s place around his dick. That touch is all the warning he gets before the other man leans down and takes the head of it into the wet plushness of his mouth.

“Jesus!” He yelps. His hands are gripping the sheets, clinging onto the fabric like it’s a lifeline.

In response, his partner takes his cock further, almost deep enough to gag on it. Holland swears he’s seeing stars as he feels the bruiser’s tongue trace along the underside of his shaft. He’s still fucking into him with his fingers, daring to add a third. The lotion is just barely doing its job. The detective feels almost full.

“I’m not going to last long,” he admits, panting. It’s taking everything in him to not sink into the arms of his building orgasm.

At his warning, Healy pulls off. He stills his hands and looks up at his face. “Do you want me to stop? I can finish getting you off like this. Don’t have to go all the way.”

“No, I'm fine. Just hurry.” Holland's voice catches in the back of his throat, giving his words a whimpering quality. Something hungry flickers over his partner’s face.

“Okay, let me just…” Healy trails off, sliding his fingers free of the tight heat of Holland’s body. He unbuttons his jeans and unzips them. His dick looks engorged and flushed, twitching and tapping against his ample stomach. He slicks it down with copious amounts of lotion and takes himself in hand. He pauses with the tip of his cock just slightly pressing into Holland. “You ready?”

“Yes .”

Slowly, with a series of pauses, Healy eases his thick cock into him. Despite opening Holland up with three of his large fingers, it’s still a tight fit. The other man bottoms out, snugly seated inside of him. The sensation of his stomach brushing against his still very interested dick has him smothering a whine. He feels full, pleasantly so.

“Are you doing okay?” His partner asks, concern lacing his voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he responds, “Jesus, I never realized how big you were until now.” The sentence slips out of him without his permission. He tenses up as he realizes what a weird thing it was for him to say. He could slap himself right now.

Healy doesn’t look upset, though, merely flustered. The other man clears his throat and offers him an unusual compliment in return. “You feel really good, March.”

Holland relaxes when his partner rubs a soothing circle over his hip. Perhaps sensing that he’s starting to get impatient, Healy starts to move, a slow drag of his cock nearly all the way out and bottoming out back in. He settles in to a relaxed pace. Instinctively, the detective’s back arches ever so slightly, angling so that the other man’s thrusts plunge deeper. He’s still hanging onto the sheets.

Lightning strikes him when he feels the head of the Jackson’s dick graze over his prostate. Before he’s fully aware, he’s cumming in messy spurts over the bruiser’s stomach. The resulting clench of his hole around his partner serves to drag him over the edge right along with him. Both men are shaking and muttering broken words as they empty themselves.

Shuddering from the stimulation as Healy pulls his softening cock free with a wet sound and extracts himself from their tangled position, Holland can’t help but fumble for the bedside table. His hand manages to hand on a loose, half smoked cigarette still sitting in the ashtray. Good enough. He lights it and gets it between his lips the moment he finds the lighter he keeps next to the table lamp.

“Fuck, March,” the other man groans.

The detective just nods in agreement, stricken silent for once. He had liked that, liked that way more than he probably should. He wonders if his partner would be willing to let him ride him next time.

“Didn’t hurt you did I?”

“No, it felt fantastic actually,” he says. Despite feeling fucked out and limp, he leans over and kisses the other man’s stubbled cheek.

His reassurance must sooth the other man because Healy hauls himself off the bed with a groan, back popping. He heads into the en-suite bathroom to clean himself up before returning to the bed with a damp cloth. He carefully wipes Holland down much to his appreciation. It saves him the hassle of moving his cast-bound arm more than strictly necessary.

“Thanks,” he says softly and snubs out the cigarette.

He sits up enough to pull the other man into the bed beside him once they’re both clean. It’s the most natural thing in the world to tuck himself against the broad man, to feel him wrap an arm around his back and hold him close. Holland is on the cusp of telling him that he loves him again when his partner speaks.

“So… I wanna apologize,” the other half of the Nice Guys Detective Agency starts.

“What do you mean?” He asks. He thought they were squared up, that they were good again. Sure, he wasn’t upset at getting an apology, but it felt worrisome. Healy won’t meet his eyes, instead choosing to focus his gaze on the ceiling tiles.

“I was an ass after the hospital. I was a pansy and didn’t handle it like I should’ve.”

“Yeah, you were… I know you said some of the things that were bothering you when we were fighting, but what got you so worried about us?” Holland follows his line of sight up to the ceiling.

“The nurse reminded me about how I can’t be there for you when it matters, y’know? You broke your fuckin’ arm and I just had to sit in the waiting room. ‘Sides, I don’t know how to be a good partner. I did so badly with my wife she left me for my old man.”

Oh , Holland thinks. His partner had felt helpless. That would explain a lot actually.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he says, patting the other man’s shoulder. “I’m not very good at it either. Hell, I still don’t know how I managed to get Holly’s mom in the first place.”

“She must’ve been a very patient woman,” Healy jokes dryly..

“Like a saint.” Holland responds in kind, mildly miffed at the implication that he’s a difficult person to be with. He hovers his hand over Healy’s hair before combing through it.

The other man lets out a groan and shifts enough to sling a thick arm over his stomach, settling against him more comfortably. “It’s a good thing you didn’t get the catholic school treatment too. We’d be even more cataclysmic.”

“You’re excused?” Holland makes a face as he tries to decipher what fucking word just came out of Healy’s mouth. This feels like their ‘eunuch’ schtick all over again. He tries to quietly mouth the word ‘cataclysmic’ and make sense of the word before his partner starts to talk. Again.

“It’s like ruination,” he supplies, not bothering to open his eyes. He’s dozing off.

“Maybe Holly can buy me a dictionary next year, and I’ll be able to understand you for once.” Holland grumbles. Jackson fucking Healy everyone. He shakes his head. “We’re getting off track… you were apologizing?”

The only response he gets is a loud snore from Healy. He’s actually asleep. Out like a damn light.

“Love you too, pal,” he grumbles, feeling more fond of the man using him as a pillow than he’d ought to be.

{ previous chapter }

#the nice guys (2016) #the nice guys #the nice guys fanfic #holland march #jackson healy #ryan gosling #russel crowe #ryan gosling fanfiction #russel crowe fanfiction #holland march x jackson healy #healland #.my posts #.my work #.collab with danime25 #.my collabs