#sleeping with grief

[bruciemilf]

I wonder how many times Clark and the batkids + Alfred revived Bruce with the Lazarus Pit and just never told him abt it

#he pieces it together later but i mean. its so hard for him to miss now that hes looking back at it #like why is he always always always cold with a turtleneck on and heating blasting #why is his appetite so scarce? how come his sleep deprived body withstands hours - sometimes DAYS - of patrol #and functions perfectly? how come time passes by but he stays the same? why wont clark and dick stop giving gim #*him looks of loving grief? #why does harley slam her fists on her head when she sees him? ' no no no you're gone. you're GONE. I KNOW you are!' #why does selina smile at him with such heavy pity ' sorry bruce. i don't do ghosts' #bruce wayne #dc #dc comics #batman #batfamily #clark kent #dick grayson #jason todd #bc they def exclude the cloning. they dont want another bruce. they want THEIR bruce. tim #like can you imagine jason getting up in tim's face and just ' if you're not gonna stand by us then stay out of our way' #dark bruce? tired. dark BATKIDS? sign me the FUCK up #batdad #text

[arthursfuckinghat]

There needs to be a scientific study done on how Rockstar Games' Arthur Morgan is able to provoke the most earth shattering emotions I didn't even know I had in me

#you guys get me right #like you feel it deep in your chest #the joy the anguish the grief #it feels like words aren't enough #and I don't mean it as in “sad moment in video game makes you sad” #I mean it as in “a deep and well written moment that has been slowly building is fleshed out in a video game and I think about for weeks” #when I say I lose sleep over this game I really mean it #I spend hours just laying in bed thinking about everything that happens in arthur morgan's life #it eats at me #I'm not ashamed of how much I have cried over this game #it fucking gets to me #playing rdr2 is the best form of escapism until the story hits you like a stab in the chest but the blade just pushes in further and further #until you're left with a gaping wound #“wow michael I didn't know you were so emotional over pixels on a screen” #except those pixels were acted out and performed by real people and voiced by real people and designed to look like real people #the game's main target was historic realism emphasis on REALISM #to provoke emotions through amazing storytelling #it's okay to feel strongly about things!! #this game man #this game #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #mick squeaks #mick thinks #arthur morgan #red dead redemption 2 spoilers

[starry-bi-sky]

my body's aching like a knock-down drag-out

and my poor heart is an open wound A Childhood Friends Au snippet that very briefly delves into Danny's life post-accident. CW: Mild Mentions of Blood, Violence, VERY mild gore ig. Danny briefly recalls getting impaled during a fight.

------------

What they don't tell you about being dead is that it hurts. That it can hurt. That it can hurt more than when you were alive. That when you die, the emotions you die with stick with you like a leech that just won't let go. That emotions are ugly little thorns that stick their barbs into you and grow beneath your skin; or, at least, whatever’s left of it. 

Danny is familiar with anger. It kept him warm in Gotham, when his parents weren't home from work and he and Jason were crowding Crime Alley with their presence. It kept him warm in Amity, when the fresh sting of moving was still needling into his heart and he wanted nothing more than to rip and tear into the closest person next to him.

He's familiar with violence. With fights. With death. He's seen people die in Crime Alley probably every day. From overdose, from gunshots, from stab wounds; anything that can kill, rest assured he's seen it. He's familiar with getting his own knuckles rough and bloody when other kids turn and bare their teeth at him and Jason; they're all just starving dogs stuck in a fighting pit, primed and ready to rip out each other's throats. 

Black eyes, stomped hands, bloody noses. You name it; he’s had it. Gotham is paved with the blood of her children, and Danny likes to imagine that when he was born, the doctors handed his mother a file and told her; “Take it. He’s going to need it for his teeth.” 

Danny’s mom (and dad, for that matter) was too busy trying to keep him and Jazz fed, so Danny stole the file from her drawer with Jazz’s help, and did it himself.  

He’s familiar with anger, he thought he was getting better at it these days. It doesn’t come to him as easily as it did before. Of course, that was before Jason died. 

Danny is less familiar with grief. Caring kills and Gotham kills the caring, so Danny cares very little about other people. Or he tries to. But grief hurts. His grief hurts. It hurts too much. It hurts like a bug trying to crawl out of his chest; like a rat chewing a hole through his heart. Some days he wants to dig his hands into his hair and split himself down the middle. Some days he just wants to scream. 

He’s dead. He’s dead. He’s dead. 

He wants the whole city to hear him wailing, some days. It sticks itself in the back of his throat like bile, and Danny is one wrong retch away from letting it loose. It sticks in his lungs like all the tar he’s smoked in since he was nine. It pushes and aches at his temples, in his head, like his brain is trying to swell out of his skull. His thoughts becoming so loud they threaten to commandeer his tongue.  

He has no mouth, but he must scream. 

Something they don’t tell you about being dead is that it hurts. That it hurts more than when you were alive. Something they don’t tell you about being dead is that it’s violent. That it’s bloody. Or as bloody as it can be when everyone has no blood. 

Another thing they don’t tell you about being dead, is that it’s a lot like Gotham that way.

With no threat of death, Danny’s enemies forget death itself. Blood comes easy, like water, and teeth are encouraged. Bring your own fangs to the fight. Dying is something you can just walk off. 

Danny’s been dead for three months. He can’t say he’s been walking it off easy. He’s perfected the art of turning his nails into claws since his heart was still beating, but he can’t say he’s perfected fighting other ghosts. 

Scrappy is just not enough. 

He feels like he’s back in Gotham again. Back in her death-shroud alleyways, fighting someone bigger than him. But there’s no Jason to watch his back, and Danny has to get himself out of there alone. Or he might just not get up at all. 

Black eyes, busted lips. It’s familiar to him like an old scent, Danny isn’t quite sure that he’s missed it. It’s more familiar than his fights with Dash. 

But there’s no one else who can do it but him. Not Sam, not Tucker. He can’t lose them too. He can’t. He can’t. He can’t. His heart can’t take another break, he already feels like he’s going insane. 

With no threat of death, Danny’s enemies fight like death themself. He learns why when Technus puts a street sign through his stomach one day. It pins him to the asphalt like a moth pinned by its wings. 

Danny claws at the metal like how an animal caught in a trap chews off its leg, and every move is blinding pain. He thinks he was howling, but it’s hard to tell. He couldn’t recognize the sound of his voice. 

He bleeds green. It mixes in black with the pitch blackhole in his heart, which throbs and twists and cries in time with his reckless panic. The finger-choking terror of dying again strangles out the air he doesn’t need. His blood evaporates, only to reabsorb into him. It just bleeds out again, cycling like a snake eating its own tail. 

Danny breaks his nails clawing at the metal, and eventually gets it in his mind to pull it out. So he does, and the end drips ectoplasm green as he gets to his feet. In red-vision, Danny sends the sign back with snarling, vicious fervor. The pain is irrelevant in his rage.

Only after the fight does the hole the pole left start to close. Danny doesn’t shift human until it’s gone. Unlike other injuries, a scar stays behind. Ugly; mottled, it aches for a week with every twist and stretch his body makes. He hates it. 

Being dead is agony. 

Every part of him is in pain. Every step, every word he speaks, everything he does, it is prerequisite with pain. The body is temporary, but the soul is forever, and death has carved into it with its freezing green hands and left him with never-ending heartache. It has torn from him and stolen what of him it could, and in return it’s left him with sorrow. 

His pain is his grief, and he’s sobbed in the safety of his room more times than he can count. It’s still as fresh as the day he heard the news of Jason’s death. He knows, instinctively, that it will stay fresh forever. 

In his room, Danny shoves his hands over his mouth and shrieks in whatever, muffled way he can into his pillow. It’s not enough. It’s never enough. He needs to be louder. He needs to be heard. He refuses to be. 

Being dead hurts. 

#tw mild gore #cw mild blood #cw mentioned violence #dpxdc #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #dp x dc crossover #dead on main #dp x dc au #dp x dc fanfic #cfau #cfau danny #obsessed with the fact that danny just has the WORST fucking time after jason dies and baby i can make it worse #*kills you and makes you a banshee and puts you in an irrevocable state of grief* #delicious angst. danny is having the wORSt time ever lol. lmao even #was originally meant to explore the idea that danny can survive lethal injuries as phantom. which briefly got mentioned. #but i got away from myself. leaning reaaal heavy into the fact that danny's a banshee. At 19 he's got a pretty good handle of himself #but imagine being a fresh out the gate banshee. usually they get time to themselves in the zone to cry until their heart's content. #sorry danny. you have school tomorrow and family sleeping in the bedroom next door #kinda proud of myself. you can kinda see how Rath would've occurred here. #danny is going through it rn #was gonna add a snippet about the city's thoughts on phantom but couldnt fit it in

[haunted-xander]

So. Fatebreaker, right? Ryne's biggest fears made manifest, daddy issues personified, yes?

He's an amalgamation of Thancred and Ran'jit, his face, his voice and his weapon is Thancred's, but his body, his fighting style and his words are Ran'jit's.

Throughout the fight Fatebreaker constantly makes comments about how only he can protect Ryne, only he can provide for her, only he has even the right to so much as stand beside her, to be in her general presence. He's possessive and obsessive, repeatedly asserting that she is HIS and his only. Which is exactly what Ran'jit says basically every time we encounter him.

But this time it's in Thancred's voice. This time it's with the voice and face of a man she actually cares about.

Ryne isn't scared of Thancred, she never has been. Even when she first met him she was barely even nervous (as clearly shown in Thancred's short story). There's a lot of different feelings happening between those two, but fear has never been one of them.

But now, after things have gotten so much better, she is scared of Thancred becoming like Ran'jit. Because if Thancred was just a little further gone, if he was just a little less compassionate, he would've. It wouldn't be hard for him to go down the same path as Ran'jit did, to be incapable of letting go of the ghost of that girl he loved so so much to the point he'd stubbornly grip anything close to her he could. He didn't, but the fact he could've is terrifying.

It makes his final words, words that are Thancred's, so very important. This is her deepest fears made manifest, but he still says he wants her to be happy. Her happiness not only matters, but is important to him.

#Now we -the audience- ofc knew Thancred was unlikely to go down that path #bc if theres one thing hes been consistent in even in his darkest moments its living up to his loved ones' wishes and legacies #the only time he even speaks against it is his conversation w minfilia in amh araeng #and thats more a case of all his (poorly) repressed grief and stress exploding than him actually meaning what he says #and trying to control rynes life after minfilia literally told him to just let her live her life goes directly against that #i think about fatebreaker a lot. as i do all things related to ryne & thancred #and to me its so important to note that hes more or less ran'jit with just enough thancred in him to be *too* thancred for comfort #its so. her greatest fear isnt even the thing thats been haunting her her whole life (being forced to fill in for minfilia) #its having her free will taken from her by the person she cares about the most (thancred) #and for him to be trapped in endless suffering because he cant move on #just like ran'jit did and was #its not even necessarily that shes all that scared of ran'jit himself #what shes scared about is caring about someone like that #because then she wont say no or try to be anyone but minfilia #(thats also why this fear appears specifically after things get better) #(because she was already ready to forsake herself if it eased thancred suffering) #okay im gonna stop now i need to sleep gnight everyone #ryne waters #thancred waters #ran'jit #final fantasy #final fantasy 14 #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #ffxiv #xander rambles #at this point i should make a tag for ryne ramble posts i make so many of them #tomorrow. maybe. if i remember #edit: i made it #xander being insane about ryne

[ato-dato]

Quick here have this old Tom thing I never posted but wanted to post before the finale came out and then forgot anyway tomgreg how you feeling tonight???

#succession #tom wambsgans #tomgreg #art #artwork #my art #fanart #digital art #drawing #comic #fan comic #It's 6:44 where I am #I watched the finale at like. 3 am? And I couldn't sleep afterwards I went through all stages of grief #Anyway #Im pretty happy with how it ended yeah it's miserable and horrible alk things considered #But #This is succession we weren't gonna get a happy ending for everyone that was never in the cards #I'd love to immediately draw some tomgreg finale stuff but alas I should sleep #Gnight

[spicyicymeloncat]

Ballet Cole ✨

#5am and I had a vision #it is now 8am #damnit I fucked my sleep schedule I’ve gotta get up uber early in the coming weeks #actually will perish #hmmm #anyways cry about Cole’s mother again lol #love cole Ninjago and his immense grief #Ninjago #Lego Ninjago #art #digital art #fanart #Ninjago cole #Ninjago Lilly #Ninjago virtues of spinjitzu

[tawaifeddiediaz]

it’s completely insane to have the parallels of buck and eddie watching the other being rolled away into a hospital — not knowing if he’ll live, not knowing if what he did was enough — while expecting/urging everyone to work past their capacity to keep him alive btw

#zee rambles #just in case anyone was wondering it is insane #but between buck constantly yelling ‘come on’ and eddie yelling ‘do more’ #the desperate urgency in both of them was just so raw - almost like we were watching something we had no right to even if it is a tv show #there’s just something so poignant of having 4x13/14 paralleled in 6x11/12 #something something if they dig your grave they better dig mine too #something about the loss and grief being paralleled and reciprocated #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #911 abc #1:30am and i can’t sleep so here we are

[klmutie]

artificer

#rain world #artificer #artificer rw #rainworld #downpour #downpour spoilers #arti makes me so genuinely sad like we're shown that shes full of rage and grief and uncurable sorrow #AND THEN THE SLEEP SCREEN POPS UP AND 😭😭SHE LOOKS SO SMALL #anyways. sorry the page sizes are all fucked up i was doodling on one canvas and got carried away #my art #comic #blood / #edit: made page 1 into two pages \o/

[lilblueorchid]

About love, loss, and dreams.

We're nearing the end of summer and I can't help but be reminded of how I was exactly one year ago. I had lost my bunny Coco a few month prior, and summer was bittersweet. Coco's absence was very hard to bear, and I had heavy trouble sleeping - I would always wake up at the hour he passed.

But towards the end of summer I dreamt of Coco for the first time, the first thing I asked him was if his stomach was still hurting. Obviously he didn't answer but he was sleeping so peacefully. And I think that dream really helped me move on.

#grief #comic #tribute #bunny #dream #sleep #dreamscape #love #loss #I got a bit teary eyed writing all of that haha #I'm doing better now!!! #Sincerely

[adriles]

waking up in the middle of the night, gripped by unending sorrow, yelling, sobbing, punching my pillows, because i have forgotten to bury patroclus

#Thou sleepest and hast forgotten me Achilles…. #book 23 #patroclus #people confounded by this account r so funny to me #it is just dril tweets but the iliad my guy #and also me posting about the iliad while extremely sleep deprived drunk or high trying to mimic the cadence #when there r themes in the posts it is always intentional. i love sorrow and tragedy and grief and rage #mission statement honestly #achilles is a piece of shit and i try to embody that. he is so stupid and annoying and so full of grief. he is soooo doomed #doomed boy i hate you im kissing u so intensely #greatest hits #yall came in on this one so fast what the hell #themes

[angelofalls]

it's 5am

#snoopy #Peanuts #fanart #drawing #cartooning #angelofalls #doodle #sketchbook #All I do is draw eat sleep / draw eat sleep / draw eat sleep #good grief

[mishapen-dear]

Cant sleep so im thinking about ayhalo

I think its like. one sided. qaypierre WOULD smooch that demon and take him on dates. qbad would not recognize anything as a romantic gesture. aypierre could throw a bouquet of chocolate roses at him and bad would just be like ! thank you :}

like they love each other, absolutely. they TRUST each other, to the point where i’d even say it gets in the way of bad seeing aypierre as anything more than a good friend. that’s his guy. The dude always in his corner. Friend resource label: team mate (coparent) (down to help kidnap people). bad doesnt do classic romantic relationships- all of his relationships are INCREDIBLY queer, but the closest he usually gets to what others read as romance is a classic chewtoy4chewtoy dynamic. He LOVES to fuck with people and he loves to get fucked with and if there’s a nice jawline or pretty muscles included?? huge bonus !!

he’s got something- not kinder, with aypierre? not calmer, either, but stable, maybe. pierre has proven, over and over again, that he’s on bad’s side. Spying on tubbo, encouraging bad’s pranks, the kidnapping- i can’t call it a reliable dynamic, not with how paranoid bad is, even when he trusts, but there is still a feeling of understanding that, wherever pierre’s limits are for when he cant support bad (or genuinely turn against him), it hasnt been reached yet

aypierre, on the other hand, i dont know enough about to be absolutely sure but there are some Vibes. ironically, i think hes feeling like his relationships are unreliable. max was going to have their baby, and then he wasnt, and then he left him, then max fucking died. plus whatever is happening with him and ayrobot, which probably leaves him feeling like he cant rely on Himself. like he had, if not a little crush on bad, at least some Interest in him, before. as well as several islanders. i remember the days of the Bed Threat.

but thats part of it, too? because those flings didnt have that emotional connection, and i always got the sense that he started looking for that with maximus, to Love and Be Loved rather than pure lust. To care about someone, genuinely, and be cared about in return. but he didnt get that with the flings, and We know that max was using him, but i dont know if he did, but maybe he had a feeling about it and maybe he also had a feelinf about maximus’ feelings towards bad and maybe- there’s something about that? A little push of not-spite-not-projection onto bad.

because bad IS that reliability, right now. he’s a fucking gremlin. a bastard. a prankster silly guy. he trusts aypierre and aypierre trusts him and they dont share everything but so often, when it comes down to it, it is them against the world. them in the corner, caught, aypierre shouting about kissing as a cover for their crimes while bad runs giggling away from him.

#qsmp character analysis #qsmp shipping #<- because i DO think bad would be down to ~fornicate~ #but i dont think pierre drifts into that chewtoy zone enoufh for bad to get that Obsession #theyre kidnapping and escaping buddies !! who share food and secrets and strategies !! #but bad would do the same with the other french yknow #god i could go on for YEARS about how queer qbad’s relationships can get that demon is full of LOVE and that love is QUEER #i could make an argument that even his parenting style is affected by his queerness #in the way that he takes on all required roles for the eggs and cares for them SO MUCH #and SO OBVIOUSLY #as a dad/uncle that you dont often get to see in fiction #to the point where he is still in some way seen as a mother figure #but thats a whole different post #anyway this is part-analysis and part-silly written at ass-o’ #clock in the morning #if i remember ill come back to tag the ship for filtering purposes but i dont wanna throw ‘i think its one sided and exacerbated by grief #and general yearning for love/stability in an ever changing world’ when prople are just tryin to make em kiss #i respect the kisser causers have fun yall im enjoying seeing it #god i need to sleep #ayhalo

[tokens-to-sleep]

Thinking about

"No amount of self sought fury will bring back the glory of innocence"

No matter how much you cling to your anger, it will never bring back what you've lost. There has to be acceptance eventually.

#sleep token #sleep token band #sleep token lyrics #vessel #sleep token vessel #vessel ii #vessel iii #vessel iv #there are so many layers to all of their songs but this line always gets me #i don't know who vessel is #but he's a man who's known real loss #could do a whole ass essay about how this man goes through the stages of grief through his songs

[meraki-yao]

It's missing rwrb + mourning rwrb promo hours 😢

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb movie #taylor zakhar perez #alex claremont diaz #nicholas galitzine #henry fox mountchristen windsor #henry hanover stuart fox #firstprince #rwrb thoughts #The fucking grief just hits me out of nowhere and then I spiral #It's also 1 30 am I need to go to sleep #I don't think I'll ever get over it

[rongzhi]

These three guys combined lost a PK (basically a popularity contest) to a sleeping dog

#text #tbf the sleeping dog regularly beats most challengers #dogs #they are going through all the stages of grief

[angelthemanspanker]

for me this is literally the saddest connor line bc there's no debating it. not like "angel doesn't love me" or "darla died to get away from me", things which are wrong but he's internalised bc of what a mess he is. "you don't like me" he says to the team, and he's right. they don't. they care, they're sad about what happened to him, they're okay with him being around, but they don't like him. they don't enjoy being around him. does anybody besides Jasmine!Cordy who was faking it? hell we the audience very vocally did Not enjoy a considerable bulk of the time we spent with connor. he's unpleasant and joyless and stuck in a loop and hostile and creepy but so deeply traumatised that I sympathise, I feel bad for him and wish all that shit hadn't happened to him but i don't like him. the Fang Gang try to do right by connor where they can but you can't force Like, and it's not easy to fake it either. wanting things to be better for him isn't the same as actually wanting to be around him themselves, and he can tell. and they can't deny it. and isn't that fucking sad.

#something about that feeling of being a kid who can tell people don't vibe with them #connor angel #angel the series #this isnt touching angel himself really who i think Does like connor but connor cant tell bc its under all that grief #but gunn lorne eventually fred. they would lose exactly zero sleep if they never saw connor again #and i cant even blame them