#dark bruce? tired. dark BATKIDS? sign me the FUCK up

[bruciemilf]

I wonder how many times Clark and the batkids + Alfred revived Bruce with the Lazarus Pit and just never told him abt it

#he pieces it together later but i mean. its so hard for him to miss now that hes looking back at it #like why is he always always always cold with a turtleneck on and heating blasting #why is his appetite so scarce? how come his sleep deprived body withstands hours - sometimes DAYS - of patrol #and functions perfectly? how come time passes by but he stays the same? why wont clark and dick stop giving gim #*him looks of loving grief? #why does harley slam her fists on her head when she sees him? ' no no no you're gone. you're GONE. I KNOW you are!' #why does selina smile at him with such heavy pity ' sorry bruce. i don't do ghosts' #bruce wayne #dc #dc comics #batman #batfamily #clark kent #dick grayson #jason todd #bc they def exclude the cloning. they dont want another bruce. they want THEIR bruce. tim #like can you imagine jason getting up in tim's face and just ' if you're not gonna stand by us then stay out of our way' #dark bruce? tired. dark BATKIDS? sign me the FUCK up #batdad #text

[sohotthateveryonedied]

Bruce: *walks into Batcave and sees Jason with a guitar* 

Jason: Hey B I wrote you a song! *sings to the tune of Piano Man by Billy Joel*

It’s 12 o'clock in Gotham City  The Joker is busy killing everyone There’s an old man sitting next to me Makin’ love to his Catwoman cuz he's nasty 

He says, “Son, you gotta stop shooting bad guys” And I’m like “Bruce, don’t tell me what to do” Cuz I died and he cried but I came back and stuff When I wore green Robin panties

(Batkids join in) La la la, di da da La la, di da da da dum

Sing us a song, you’re the Batman Beat up some thugs tonight Cuz you’re boring and brooding and it’s getting annoying And you’re the one and only Dark Knight

Now Roy from the Outlaws is my BFF I hang out with him and Kori And he’s quick with a joke or to shoot an arrow in your foot And together we like pissing off Batman He says, “Jaybird you’re the most awesome guy ever” As we kicked an alien’s ass And I’m like “I know I’m the coolest "Learned it all from the All Caste”

Oh, la la la, di da da La la, di da da da dum

Now Dick was Batman while you were dead He never had time for Barbara cuz he sucks at relationships And Tim’s dead inside cuz everyone he likes died And he probably hasn’t slept in five years

Oh Damian is a murderous freaking demon spawn Who is probably gonna kill someone the second he's left alone  Also Steph keeps stealing all the food from my fridge But I don’t mind cuz I stole it from the manor anyway

Sing us a song you’re the Batman You have a cool British butler  Also you don’t know when to stop adopting orphans And you probably need an intervention by now

By the way Cass stole my jacket yesterday And you didn’t even care when I told you So I went to all of your Rogues and gave them your number So suck it old man, you totally deserved it   And you’ve had seven sidekicks so far And at least six of them have died at some point Now I'm starting to think maybe that's a bad sign But oh well it's too late to deal with that now 

Oh, la la la, di da da La la, di da da da dum

Sing us a song you’re the Batman And you've got a pet cow for some reason even though I've asked you several times for a dog and you kept telling me we couldn't have animals in the Batcave but I guess that's just a big fat lie so fuck you Bruce   Well we’re all in the mood for some crimefighting And by the way you're really old 

Jason: *guitar solo and ends song* What'd ya think old man? 

Bruce: ... 

Bruce: *tired sigh* Where is the sweet embrace of death when you need it 

#I had to #this was necessary and you know it #jason todd #red hood #bruce wayne #batman #batfamily headcanon #batfam #robin #batgirl #richard grayson #barbara gordon #cassandra cain #tim drake #stephanie brown #damian wayne #alfred pennyworth #billy joel #piano man #Jason is a troll