#skwisgaar is ams dick in this one

[basu-shokikita]

Kloktober 2023 Day 4

Your Fave Headcanon

As it has been made abundantly clear with my previous entries, my favorite Metalocalypse ship is Skwistok. However, while Toki's fixation with Skwisgaar is more than confirmed by canon, there's another guy who I like to imagine is also very into Skwisgaar: Murderface.

And so, please enjoy my first attempt at Skwistokface shenanigans that accidentally ended up being closer to fic length than drabble one.

Murderface scrolled down Skwisgaar’s gallery page angrily. It was so stupid, why did Skwisgaar get so many more likes than him? When the selfies they uploaded were virtually the same? Yeah, okay, maybe he didn’t have a fucking flat stomach or a hairless goddamn chest. Was it his fault that he didn’t have rosy perky nipples? That God had cursed him with flabby tits and a malformed body? Did anyone think he asked to be born with boxy brown hair instead of golden wavy hair? Who in their right mind would want to be a hideous-looking monster instead of some annoyingly handsome knight from Heavy Metal-land?! 

No one!

Fucking no one.

And what the fuck was the deal with Skwisgaar anyway? Posing like that, like he was hot fucking shit. Staring at the camera like he knew exactly who was on the other side of the screen. Unbuttoning his pants mysteriously, like nobody knew what was down there. We fucking know you have a big dick! Everyone knows it! Who cares! Why don’t you just-

His stream of thoughts was abruptly interrupted when he accidentally pressed like on a picture instead of scrolling further. Panicked, he was about to unlike it when he realized there was no way Skwisgaar was going to get a notification for it. The guy got thousands of likes a day, he was going to be fine. 

Also, it’s not like pressing the heart exclusively meant you liked a picture? Maybe, it was because it was useful for reference. Or because he wanted to save it to make fun of it later. Or just because why fucking not? It was a free country wasn’t it? He could do whatever he wanted. Hell, he could press like on every Skwisgaar picture if he so damn pleased, who was to stop him? Fuck yeah, he was going to do just exactly that! Yeah, he was liking every single one of these now! He could do that! Fuck you, Skwisgaar! Fuck your pretty body!

“What ams you watchi-” A voice spoke from behind him and he jumped off his seat like a possessed spring. When he turned around, he found a baffled Toki staring back at him.

“Toki!” He shouted in frustration. “What the fuck do you want?!”

The kid’s jaw had dropped, eyes wide open to match, and it dawned on Murderface with great horror that Toki had seen his screen. Fuck. “Wait,” He raised both hands, forgetting his phone was in one of them. The device plopped on the ground, screen up, a close-up of Skwisgaar’s happy trail being the cherry on top. “Schit!” He said, and bent down to grab his phone, safely tucking it in his pocket. He took a deep breath before facing Toki again. “Lischten, I can explain-”

“You was looking at Skwisgaar’s naked pictors!” Toki exclaimed and covered his mouth, like he had blurted a forbidden word.

“Schhhh!!” Murderface gestured at Toki to quiet down. “I waschn’t…it waschn’t naked picturesch, okay? It wasch, uh…” He scratched his neck, averting his gaze awkwardly. “Hisch Dethschtagram.”

Toki raised a skeptical eyebrow, and it pissed Murderface so much. He could take some judgmental looks from Nathan, Skwisgaar, Pickles, even, but fucking Toki?! “Why were you lookins at his Dethstragrams? It ams for the goils.”

“Oh, scho I can’t look?!” Murderface said. “I’m schorry, do I need an autorizchation to look at a fucking webschite?! Why can’t I look at Schkwisgaar’s fucking schelfies?! I’m a perschon too! I’m a fucking individual!”

Far from being convinced, Toki stifled a chuckle. “You ams gays.”

“No, I’m not!” He yelled loud enough that Toki jolted, so he lowered his voice. “No, I’m not. I juscht…I got hisch page recommended, okay?” Looking away humbly, he scratched his neck. “It probably happened ‘causche we follow each other and schtuff…”

“But Skwisgaars doesn’t follow anyones.” Toki said with an impassive expression.

“God damn it, Toki!” Murderface shouted. Wait, really? Jesus Christ, Skwisgaar was such a fucking pretentious dick!

...Wait a minute, how did Toki know that? Wouldn’t that knowledge at least require a check at Skwisgaar’s profile? Also, how did he recognize what Murderface was looking at so fast? His eyes narrowed as he stared at Toki with suspicion.

It was like thunder had struck Toki, his smug demeanor vanished, as he swallowed heavily, averting his gaze nervously. Slowly but surely, he was walking backwards. “Ams gonna goes now…” He announced in a slightly shaky voice.

“What do you have in there?” Murderface asked, noticing the small cardboard box that Toki had in his hands. 

“Huh?” Toki’s brows furrowed together and he hid the box behind him. “N-Nothings!” He had always been such a shitty liar. 

“Lemme schee.” Murderface stepped forward instead, but when he tried to get a hold of the box, Toki moved it up so he couldn’t reach it. “Toki!”

“I-It ams nothings!” The idiot insisted, though judging from the expression in his face, it could not be more far away than that. There was sweat forming on his temple.

“Oh, scho you can schpy on some, but I can’t schee what you have?!” Murderface jumped to try to catch the box, and Toki moved it to the left. “That’sch bullschit!”

“I wasn’t spyings on yous!” Toki defended himself. “You was sittings in da middle of da living rooms being gays over Skwisga-”

“I told you I waschn’t!” Murderface managed to grab the box. He raised his eyes to Toki and saw the guy had turned pale.

“L-Lets go, Williams.” Toki attempted to feign composure, even though his arms were shaking like a dildo. 

“Oh, fuck you.” Murderface muttered under his breath and tried to snatch the box but Toki refused to let go. “Give it to m-” They began struggling, grunting and whining, neither refusing to give up until Toki lost his balance and they both fell to the floor with a cry in unison.

After a few disoriented seconds, lead by the pain of his ass impacting against the hard wood like that, Murderface opened his eyes and saw the floor was scattered with something. Squares? He picked one and looked at it closely. A photograph of…Skwisgaar? Sitting with his guitar? 

He picked another one. A close-up of Skwisgaar smiling, the particular smile he did when he wanted to seduce women. Wondering if he had hit his head too hard, Murderface grabbed yet another picture. A headless shot of Skwisgaar’s clothed chest.

“What the…”

Lost, he skimmed around. A zoom-in of Skwisgaar’s lips. A mid shot of Skwisgaar from behind. Some candid picture of Skwisgaar with the wolves. A piece from a photo shoot where he posed provocatively with his legs open. A newspaper clipping of him with one of his previous bands. His bare legs in the water. Skwisgaar talking with Nathan in the recording booth. Hanging with a groupie at a nightclub. Grimacing at the camera while eating a wrap. Wasted off his fucking mind. The selfies from his Dethstagram.

Skwisgaar. Skwisgaar. Skwisgaar.

It was all pictures of Skwisgaar. 

“Aaahhh!!!” Toki swayed his arms like a bird about to take off. “Don’t looks!! Don’t looks!!” Frantically, he began shoving the photos back into the box, as if that could make Murderface unseen everything.

Still shocked, Murderface stood up. “You made fun of me…Called me gay and everything…While hoarding picturesch of Schkwisgaar like a fucking weirdo!” He pointed an accusing finger. “A homoschekschual weirdo!” 

The panic was written all over Toki’s face, cheeks as red as the carpet he was currently sitting on. “Ams not like that!” He said. “They amsn’t mine! Ams just holdings dem for somebodies!”

“Yeah, like who?” Murderface grinned devilly. “Your imaginary friendsch?” He spoke in a mocking feminine tone. “Oh, Toki, can you holds these for me? I want to jack off to them late-”

“Shuts up, Moidaface!” Toki frowned, stopping the collecting to glare at him. “You ams the gay ones!”

“How am I the-”

“What ams you dildos doingks?” Skwisgaar suddenly materialized in the living room. 

Toki immediately threw himself at the floor again to hide the remaining pictures scattered across the carpet and Murderface, just as fast, stood in front of Toki so that Skwisgaar’s peripheral view was partially covered. It’s not that he wanted to protect Toki’s gay shameful secret, but if he was found with that shit, the arrogant asshole wouldn’t hesitate to implicate him too. 

“Fuck off, what are you doing here?!” He asked, hoping his overt aggression would divert Skwisgaar’s attention.

“Yeah!” Toki agreed. “Fucks you, Skwisgaar, leaves us alone!” After a pause, he added. “We ams playing Twisters and yous not inviteds!”

“Yeah!” Murderface crossed his arms smugly. “You are not invited. ‘Causche you are not our friend.”

Skwisgaar grimaced at them like he had witnessed something particularly disgusting. “Whatevors.” He rolled his eyes and turned on his heels, mumbling something about stupid dildos. 

Once he was out of sight, both Toki and Murderface let out a sigh of relief. Thank fucking God, Murderface face thought, his heart still ringing in his ear. That was way too fucking close. What was Skwisgaar doing roaming around like a creepy ghost anyway? Go fuck some divorced women and fuck off!

And it was all this little dipshit’s fault, Murderface turned to Toki with a frown. The latter seemed to sense it, because he looked back defiantly. They kept glaring at each other for a while, neither feeling ready to admit anything.

Well, besides hate for Skwisgaar.

#kloktober2023 #kloktober #metalocalypse #william murderface #toki wartooth #skwisgaar skwigelf #skwistokface #skwisface #skwistok #murdertooth #sort of #my writing #no beta we die like men etc

[m3gahet]

What’s your least favorite metalocalypse ship? (Maybe not least favorite but one you just don’t see as much)

You’re setting me up here, anon.

No this fandoms chill so I actually don’t really have an issue answering this. Obviously ship what you like we’re all having fun on this hellsite and just because something doesn’t appeal to me doesn’t mean others enjoyment is any lesser/bad. You make those Barbie dolls kiss.

I’ve mentioned it before but I personally am not a fan of romantic Skwisgaar/Toki which is very upsetting to my best friend who was really hoping to get free art out of me lol I’m kidding

I see the early appeal from the first two seasons but there’s a shift in season 3 where I really just see them more like siblings? A lot of their mannerisms overlap with mine and my younger siblings so like that probably it.

Also , and I say this with all the love in my heart for Toki Wartooth,

Sometimes he gives me the vibe he wants to wear Skwisgaar’s face.

And while I love that for the little psycho I do not love it for my favorite slut.

I admittedly have some pettier reasons for not liking the ship but I’m not gonna get into that.

And who knows my entire world view might shift? I could be shipping it in like a month’s time! I used to only really like murder/tooth for William but Skwis/face and Pickle/face recently just fucking snuck up on me so who knows

Ship and let ship. Have fun. Don’t be a dick be a dude.

#mega yells

[toki-is-the-king]

Another horrible Dethklok conversation I made. I have dyslexia and read the word asparagus wrong at work today so enjoy.

Dethklok chilling in the hot tub:

Nathan: guys…I can’t believe I’m saying this but…we have to start fucking eating better…

The rest of Dethklok gasping in shock:

Murderface: why would you shay that!?

Nathan: I mean…It’s just obvious Murderface. Since Charles is working a lot and is being a fucking dick you’ve gotten really really really fat. There’s no other way to say it so uh, there…I’m done, fuck you.

Pickles: yeah…y’know now dat you mention it..I wasn’t gonna say nothin either but yeah he’s right Murderface. You’re really fat dood.

Toki: but nots me thoughs, right? I’ms in greats shape.

Murderface: shcut up, Toki! Geeze. You can’t even be apart of this convershation. Don’t even look at me.

Nathan: ugh look! All I’m saying is if we have a fat bassist the world’s gonna think we’re ALL a bunch of fat fucks.

Murderface: …

Pickles: no, no, Nate’n is right. It’s like fat by association.

Skwisgaar: holys shit! You’s right. No wonders I start feelings like my hands am slowings down lately…deys ams catching de fat froms him.

Murderface: Fine you want me to be healschy I will show you all! I CAN be healschy. What’s that one vegescable named after disabled people?

Dethklok: …

Nathan: You know I uh…I don’t really eat vegetables. Ever. So I don’t know…

Murderface: uh…oh! An Asperger’s. I’ll eat that, like throw scome Asperger’s on the grill with scome bbq chicken and BLAMO! Healschy meal.

Pickles: motherfucker…*long sigh* dood…you mean asparagus. It’s asparagus you fuckin’ clown.

Murderface: oh yeah, that one! Schee, you know it. I’ll eat an Asperger’s anyday as long as it’s cooked with something else good, like a scheak or a whole roasted chicken or scome bullshit.

Toki: wells…I thinks that you gots to puts that Asperger’s with likes some potatoes too, so it’s looks nice! It’s abouts the presentaskon!

Murderface: yeah, yeah! Schome Asperger’s and fried potatoes…for the preshentation of the meal.

Nathan, pickles: …

Nathan: …MY GOD you two are idiots.

Pickles: …I can’t do dis today guys. My head hurts, it hurts so fuckin’ bad. I’m gonna have to take a nap after dis. I just can’t do dis shit.

Skwisgaar: Ja…I ams t’inkings maybe I uh tries to uh…go kills myself because dis ams actually embarrasking…

Murderface: guys, seriously, stop! I’m literally just trying to get in shape here!

Pickles: oh you’re in shape all right…a shape dat is.

Nathan: YEAH, a fat one.

Skwisgaar: dats is true a big shapes of fat.

Murderface and Toki:…

Toki: so cans we haves the disabled vegetables for dinners, YES OR NO’s!?

Pickles: *sighs* y’know without eating any of em, you guys are the closest thing to vegetables I’ve seen all day. How about that. Dildos.

#dethklok #metalocalypse #toki wartooth #skwisgaar skwigelf #nathan explosion #pickles the drummer #william murderface #skwistok #charles offdensen #writing dump #trying to get back into writing #this is so bad i'm sorry #i’m laughing

[procrazedfan]

Numbah 8

Your OC enters a massive bookstore. It is broken into genres and other book related items. Pick a section and tell us what they will get, if anything

-Biography

Lucius stared at a single book at the extensive collection of books in the biography section of the stores. He was not one for celebrity gossip, but a new top selling biography had given him pause.

Skwisgaar Ams A Dick - A Tell All by Toki Wartooth

He opened the book and started to read the dust cover. He didn't know how much of it was true. He barely knew his father. They had only met the one time, and Offdensen had lamented at the childishness of the entire band in front of him before.

When he read the first few paragraphs, he had enough reading comprehension to tell quickly that it was a cry for attention combined with a long list of complaints.

It took everything the teenager had not to erupt in complete laughter at this disasterpiece. He may have gotten better, but that still didn't mean that he had completely forgiven the Deadbeat. And this would be a huge blow to his pride. He wished he had thought of it.

He flipped to the dedication section of the book. Among the list of names in that section, was the nickname Toki gave him.

Vale.

It was enough to make him buy the thing, ridiculous as it was.

#metalocalypse #oc #prompt #mtl

[dolly-macabre]

Here have some filth. I have no self control and need to share it before I go insane.

Loves me a switchy Pickle 😈

🔞NSFW under the cut🔞

“Look, lady, I’m just naht interested…” Pickles cleared his throat to cut through the awkwardness of the situation, “Great tits though..”

I peer from behind a large piece of sound tech. I had just been escorted backstage after finally getting to see the boys play in person, and I happened to notice an exchange between Pickles and an absolutely gorgeous, sandy-haired woman. With her figure she could easily be a model. 

“You’re turning me down??” She's taken aback as a klokateer leads her away from backstage.

“Yeeeah, nuthin’ personal but nope.” Pickles shrugs.

My heart begins to leap out of my chest as I step out from my hideout, the band making their way backstage. The rest of the guys (except Nathan) have at least one or two women on their arms.

“Oh, heys look! It’s Dollys! Hi, Dollys!” Toki calls out, waving to me.

I hate to ignore the guy but I have a one track mind right now. I step past Toki, my heart still pounding as I grab Pickles’ hand. Face as expressionless as I can keep it.

“Can I talk to you?.. Y’know, in private?” I ask, voice low.

“Ah.. Uh yeah. No prahblem..” he stutters while I pull him away.

“Uh.. Byes Dollys?” Toki stammers.

“What ams her deals?” Skwisgaar adds.

“She looked like she had to take a schit if you aschk me..” Murderface insinuates.

“That doesn’t make any sense.. Why would she.. Oh dear god..” Nathan is stunned at his own filthy thoughts.

***

*Click*

I quickly lock the unisex bathroom door behind us.

“Look, I think I might know what this is about, and I-” Pickles starts to explain himself until I cut him with a deep, passionate kiss, my fingers lacing through his ginger locs. I pull away just long enough to whisper in his ear.

“I heard everything..” my hungry lips meet his again.

He pulls away slightly, “Ya heard that, huh? I figured yew just saw me talkin’ to her and finally snapped..” 

He lets out a nervous chuckle as my lips trail down his neck, leaving black lipstick marks on his corpse paint. I let one hand slip down to his cock, stroking it through his jeans.

“F-Fuck…” he moans, growing harder as I tease him, “Didja really think I was gonna leave ya hanging after the show?”

He grins, grinding into my grip, “What kinda boyfriend would thaht make me??”

“A pretty shitty one!” I snicker, nipping at his neck playfully.

“I couldn’t do thaht to my angel…” he interjects, holding my chin in between his thumb and forefinger. All the while, desperately rubbing his clothed groin into my hand.

“And I want to reward you for that, handsome…” I pull my hand away, earning a little whimper from him. Oh, how I love when he gets like this.. So needy.

“How’s dat?” his breathy voice lowering.

I get down on my knees before him, reaching for the button of his jeans.

“Are ya sure ya wanna do that?? I- Uh.. just got off stage and I kinda- O-Ohhh..” he moans as I take his sweaty cock in hand.

“Oh, I’m very sure.. You’ve more than earned it..” I smirk up at him.

“Nyeh!!” he cries out as my grip tightens and I start stroking him. I take one of his balls into my mouth, sucking on it ever so gently. Salty sweat drips on my tongue.

“A-Ah!...” His voice catches in his throat, his hand coming down to grasp at my hair. I lick him from base to tip, placing a teasing kiss on the head of his dick.

“Such a good boy…” I speak, my voice gravelly. I lick the taste of his exertion from my lips.

“Yer killin’ me, Dolls…” his breath becoming heavier as I wrap my lips around his head. Just then, his hips jolt forward, pushing his cock all the way in. 

“Ahhh.. Fuuuuck…” a deep groan escapes him, his grip tightening on my hair. I moan around his throbbing length, my tongue wrapping around him fervently. Cupping his balls, I begin to set a steady pace. Hearing him come undone right above me, there’s nothing quite like it.

“How the fuck are yew so gewd at this???” he exclaims, sweat and corpse paint dripping off of him.

Suddenly, he tugs roughly at my hair, urging me forward.

“I’m gonna fuck yer mouth now, okay, baby?” 

I make a muffled sound and nod, eyes locked on his. I let my jaw relax completely as he gets a better grip on the back of my head. 

Fuck my mouth, indeed! He pumps himself in my drooling mess of a mouth at a bruising pace.

“Who’s my little slut, huh??” he gasps.

All I can do is gurgle pathetically, trying to catch my breath.

“Dat’s right… You are, dollface..” he carefully wipes a tear from my cheek as he speeds up. The man’s endurance was so insane and that only fueled my desire to please him. My jaw starts to go numb but my tongue continues to lap on his dick, hoping that the added pressure would bring him closer to sweet relief.

And, man, did it! Pickles’ thrusts go from punishing to unsteady as his hips jerk back and forth. He lets out a sharp cry as his load shoots into the back of my throat. So bitter but so sweet on my palate, gratefully I swallow every last drop. He twitches through the last of his orgasm, softly stroking my hair with one hand and holding my cheek with the other.

I pull myself off of him before we both sink to the floor, exhausted. After catching his breath, Pickles grins at me.

“ I gotta turn down groupies more often…” he sighs, tired as all hell but content. I kick his shoe with my platform boot.

“More like all the time, dude..” I grunt.

Once I finally catch my breath, I stand and hold out my hand for him.

“C’mon, let’s freshen up a little and find the guys!”

“I mean they’re prahbably just gettin’ their dicks wet. Let’s just head to the chopper n’ wait for em there. Plus, y’know, I gotta get this fuckin paint off me.”

“Fair enough!” I wash my hands and face in the small sink, using a damp paper towel to wipe away my smeared eye makeup.

“Hey.. I- uh love you and stuff, okay?.. Thanks fer lettin’ me cum down yer throat..” he chuckles, freckled face as red as a cherry.

“Of course, babe!” I wink at him. I know he’s not the best at sharing his feelings but if anything I just find it so endearing.

***

(Later on the Dethcopter)

The boys and I settled in for the trip back home. Everyone, fatigued in some way. Toki takes a seat next to me on the couch as I scroll through my phone mindlessly. 

“Heys! Why didsja blows me off, huh??” he asks, a little upset. 

I look up from my phone, my brain attempting to process what he just said. I snort-laugh, Pickles joining in .

“Oh! I’m sorry, Toki! I didn’t mean to snub you! I was… just in a hurry!”

“What's ams so funny??” Toki retorts.

“OH HEY! That remindsch me… Hey, hey, Pickles.” Murderface nudges his bandmate.

“Dude.. Waht?..” Pickles has his arm slung over his face, trying to relax.

“How wasch your Cleveland Schteamer??”

“MY WAHT.” 

#metalocalypse fanfic #ns.fw #polly 🥰 #my mtl #metalocalypse #pickles the drummer #mtl oc #dolly macabre #mdni #my writing #obscura macabre

[black-klok-youth-pastor]

Okay I plan on hopefully releasing a post regarding my theories before the movie comes out, my Charles-MMA theory may have bombed but I have a post regarding Skwisgaar’s father in the wings. On the meantime though…I’m just gonna list off some random assorted headcanons, couple repeats bit most of them being stuff I had in my head for a while but haven’t found a good place to post them:

Contrary to popular expectations Skwisgaar is a bit closer to Gothenburg than Stockholm (although I’m still trying to narrow down the most likely location for his possible hometown for nothing else than fan fic purposes)

Speaking of language, Toki and Skwisgaar argue each other in their native language as the two are mutually intelligible. What’s more surprising is that occasionally Offdensen would interject in Danish to try to tell them off, which freaks out Toki thinking Charles is demon possessed while Skwisgaar was initially under the impression he was having a bad cough rather than speaking “Dutch”.

Toki loves the Big Comfy Couch, helps that it has basis in reality since the show was popular in its heyday with children who didn’t speak English as a first language or straight up non-verbal. And hey, it’s not like it’s not brutal! Loonette was also the original voice of Claire Redfield!

Dick Knubbler, not unlike the infamous producer he’s a parody of, managed a girl group at one point…it was called the Dicklettes. It was not super successful though, for reasons that allude people 🤔.

Part of the reason Damien is such an asshole is because his parent divorced at an early age, not an excuse obviously but it would at least explain why Roy would (presumably judging by certain context clues) spoil him during his childhood and why there’s such a large age difference between him and “Dorian” (my name for the kid that may or may not be Roy’s other son).

There was one time where Dethklok tried to arrange Charles to have groupie sex with his fan club (which exists, but in a semi-unofficial capacity) so that he’ll be “less of an uptight dildo” but he refused for various reasons not the least of which being (at least according to my headcanon for now) that he’s asexual. He doesn’t get it often due to him being important but not as prominent in the public eye as the band ,but he’s had at least a couple of “Why does Offdensen not have a wife/girlfriend?” kind of gossip pieces including naturally a few “Does Charles Offdensen is gay?” rumors (for the record I am in support of that too and in fact I did open the possibility that he’s both gay and ace at the same time). Which he dislikes and tries to suppress as much as possible if for nothing else than the desire to censor any details about his personal life including him trying to seal any records prior to him becoming Dethklok’s manager.

There are multiple Facebones videos covering sex ed for any groupies where it might be their first time, complete with the most awkward Klokateer skits known to man. The “groupie area” also contains stuff like condoms and whatnot, it’s just that the Dethklok-brand condoms suck all kinds of ass (and not in that way tee hee) that even without Skwisgaar’s uncanny fertility makes pregnancy extremely likely.

This might be multipart if only because I might have to clear my drafts at the last minute

#cw: suggestive #cw: canon typical vulgar humor #metalocalypse #dethklok #headcanons

[forgiveness-in-the-misery]

I genuinely stand by my theory that season one of Metalocalypse takes plays at the least 3 years after Toki joined the band. Like we know they got signed when Magnus was in the band and shortly after being signed Magnus started acting like an abusive dick, not long after his departure Toki joined and their first album did abnormally well considering it being the debut album by a new act.

The pilot episode introduces us to news stations reporting on the fact that Dethklok has a cult like following who agree to sign pain waivers, the Tribunal just formed recently because of the alarming amount of influence Dethklok has on their fans and the fact they have employees who seem to act more like a private police force than employees. Also money is brought up through every season and in the beginning they’re mentioned to be multi millionaires, but by season four we hit the status of krillion

There’s also the fact with season one it’s brought up a few times by Nathan that he’s gained weight, which does seem to bother him and is even something reported in tabloids. We see in the cold open in season 3 that preklok Nathan was lean and fit which seems to have just recently changed due to their more comfortable lifestyle and being able to eat whatever and whenever they want to.

We also know a year passes between seasons two and three because it’s mentioned Charles died 9 months prior, another year is presumed to pass between seasons 3 and 4.

Basically what I am trying to say is none of them are that old, Pickles would at most be 34 or 35 by season four and Toki would be about 20 or have turned 21 in the episode where they make a considerably big deal of his birthday in season 3 while Murderface probably turned 30 in season one due to the fact the others find it bizarre he wants a party at all since he typically ignores his birthday due to valid reasons, but considering canonically he’s meant to be the second oldest next to Pickles would mean he probably turned 30 which is a milestone good or bad.

Skwisgaar and Nathan I would slate in their mid to late 20s

I fully reject any headcanon the guys are in their 40s or 50s considering the show goes hard on detail and that includes detail to age and when we see Pickles with Snakes N Barrels he looks drastically younger than them still and we know they would have been a band in the late 1980s and were probably already well into their 20s or older, Magnus in preklok already looked to be somewhere in his 40s and Rockzo is definitely somewhere in his 50s and we know his band peaked in the early 1980s with the Dory thing happening in 1982 when Rockzo again looked to be considerably young.

None the guys in Dethklok look aged like other characters in their 40s and up while even Charles appears to be close to 40 or possibly already there, his aging possibly not being a factor since he technically died for a bit.

#metalocalypse

[twigg96]

Hi! I absolutely love your writing and look forward to every new post you make! I was wondering if you could write something about how all the dethklok boys are obsessed/in love with the reader? I have this hc where the reader is Charles' sister and the boys fall head over heels for her!

Hi Anon!! I am so so sorry this took a while to make!! I really hope you enjoy these HCs!!

While the boys have often had a proclivity for having similar tastes in groupies, they have never (until now) run into the problem of falling for the same person. Don't get me wrong it wasn't like they were being led on or anything... they all truthfully were gluttons for punishment.

None of the boys shared well. They were all jealous babies who could never share toys, to begin with. So when this new hottie entered their life, it nearly tore the band apart.

Toki was the first to bring her home, stating that they were bestest pals and no one was allowed to even looks at them.

However this sparked a wildfire of greed in the other boys that they had to have what Toki currently did.

Arguments sparked to life as Skwisgaar made his move followed by Pickles and Nathan.

Murderface tried his hardest to make an effort but in a rush, pick-up lines were not his forte.

Gears became involved as Toki became increasingly angry that not a soul had listened to him and eventually the woman has swept away from the conflict into Charles' office.

Hours later once the boys had calmed down, Charles gathered them together and gave them the look TM. The one that meant they were all in deep shit. "What the hell were you boys thinking?!" He yelled, much to their surprise. They stayed silent unsure of how to respond until the small woman from earlier emerged from behind Charles and clung to his side. Suddenly the boys erupted in understanding and laughter, except Toki, who sat still as a statue up at the lady and Charles knowing exactly where this was going. "Damn Charles if you wanted her to yourself you could have just asked!" Murderface called out to the amusement of the others. Charles on the other hand did NOT find this amusing. Not at all. "So you think my daughter is something that can just be passed around... Murderface?" Charles asked in such a gilded tone that all the hairs on Murderfaces' arms stood on end. The entire room went silent in an instant as Toki cowered for what was to come next. "Wait... She's-" Pickles started before being cut off by a very angry Charles slamming his fist on the table. "YES! Now... Please... either leave her alone... or give her the respect she deserves. She is not an object and if you treat her like one again... Just don't"

Charles patted his daughter's head before walking back to his office. He knew he'd have to apologize to the boys later, especially Toki. But he couldn't help being pissed.

The boys were fast to apologize to the girl and doted on her the rest of the day. In a non-threatening way this time. They took her out for food, played golf, watched tv, and did all the cool stuff they normally did when hanging out. (Even if they really wanted to do other stuff they never once made a move knowing Charles would have their dicks ripped off for even thinking about it.)

#thank you anon #thanks anon! #thanks for the ask! #female reader #metalocaplyse #dethklok #nathan explosion #pickles the drummer #toki wartooth #skwisgaar skwigelf #william murderface #charles foster ofdensen

[dethbug]

✷ full taglist ✷

my art tag >> # my art.png

commission work >> # commission work.png

my misc. rambling tag >> # bug.txt

my aesthetic / things that are me coded >> # [📻] bug core.exe

ask box tag >> # [🗯] asks.txt

misc. comfort characters tag >> # lolas comfort corner.exe

my crush tag >> # crush.txt

♡ self ship tags ♡

˚₊‧🩸 MAIN F/Os ‎♡‧₊˚

♡🗃️ charles foster offdensen > metalocalypse [7.7.23] > loffdensen ship playlist + pinterest board + ref & art archive 🍷♡

personal tag ; # [🐻] mr. roboto

ship tag ; # [🐻🤍🦇] do you believe in love

♡🥁 pickles the drummer > metalocalypse [7.17.23] > lickles ship playlist + pinterest board + ref & art archive 🐙♡

personal tag ; # [🐙] kill you

ship tag ; # [🐙🤍🦇] somewhere only we know

♡🌈 toki wartooth > metalocalypse [7.20.23] > lotooth ship playlist + pinterest board + ref & art archive 🐰♡

personal tag ; # [🌸] cant hug every cat

ship tag ; # [🌸🤍🦇] always

♡🚬 magnus hammersmith > metalocalypse [7.30.23] > lohammer ship playlist + pinterest board + ref & art archive 🥃♡

personal tag ; # [🚬] revenga

ship tag ; # [🚬🤍🦇] she's like heroin

♡🦋 malcom fitzcarraldo the monarch > venture bros [7.30.23] > lolarch ship playlist + pinterest board + ref & art archive ☕♡

personal tag ; # [🦋] never let me down again

ship tag ; # [🦋🤍🦇] lovesong

♡🌸pete white > venture bros [7.30.23] > pinkline ship playlist + pinterest board + ref & art archive 📻♡

personal tag ; # [🥼] telecommunication

ship tag ; # [🥼🤍🦇] game shows touch our lives

♡🩸 ash williams > evil dead [11.11.21] > ashlo ship playlist + pinterest board + ref & art archive 🪓♡

personal tag ; # [🐨] november rain

ship tag ; # [🐨🤍🦇] i was made for lovin’ you

˚₊‧🩸 Romantic F/Os ‎♡‧₊˚

♡⚙️ mark hoffman > the saw franchise [11.12.22] > loffman ship playlist + pinterest board + ref & art archive ⛓️♡

personal tag ; # [⚙️] divine

ship tag ; # [⚙️🤍🦇] die with me

♡🪲 lawrence "beetlejuice" shoggoth > beetlejuice [11.2.22] > bugjuice ship playlist + pinterest board + ref & art archive🕸️♡

personal tag ; # [🪲] no one lives forever

ship tag ; # [🪲🤍🦇] under my skin

♡⚫ jonathan ohnn / the spot > spiderverse [12.3.23] > lospot ship playlist + pinterest board + ref & art archive ⚪♡

personal tag ; # [🐼] eyes without a face

ship tag ; # [🐼🤍🦇] this is a life

that being said, i DO have a couple other romantic f/os scattered across my blog, but the ones listed here are very special to me !!!! i kind of take it on a case by case basis, but please dni if you ship with my metalocalypse/venture f/os/ash williams romantically! thank you!

FAMILIAL / PLATONIC ✿

⛓️ metalocalypse / dethklok ;

[MY FOUND FAMILY FOR REAL I LOVE THEM tho nathan and i are half-siblings in my canon lmao... ALSO ROCKSO IS MY PROBLEMATIC BESTIE I HATE HIM IM SORRY]

mtl insert tag - # [🦇] living dead girl

general mtl/dethklok tag - # [⛓️] go forth and die

skwisgaar skwigelf - # [❄️] wolf moon

william murderface - # [🍖] caught in a mosh

nathan explosion - # [🐋] hammer smashed face

dr. rockso - # [🤡] eyes of a panther

dick knubbler - # [💽] on the outside

🦋 venture bros ;

i still have so much lore to develop, but i know i am deeply involved with all these bitches. in early seasons, i live with pete & billy, and this is how i grow close with the venture family (in my lore, i meet pete in college, therefore meet all the fellas in college -- though after this, i choose to go with pete, and we meet billy together). shit gets more complex with my insert living a double life of scientist's assistant, to illegal villainy. the villainy aspect gets me familiar with the monarch crew. without revealing too much here, sheila grows to be a big sister figure, and gary is my BESTIE!!!!!!

general venture tag - # [🌐] space oddity

venture insert tag - # [🎪] dirty business

hank venture / dermott fictel - # [🍔] dare to be stupid

dean venture - # [🧸] teardrop

rusty venture - # [🧪] my alcoholic friends

brock - # [🍺] ramble on

dr. girlfriend/sheila - # [💄] sleep to dream

henchman 21 gary fischer - # [🐻] keep feeling (fascination)

billy quizboy - # [⚗️] bizarre love triangle

orpheus - # [🔮] bela lugosi's dead

⚙️saw ;

[the jigsaw family goes insane.... in my canon, amanda is my twin sister -- john/lawrence/adam fall under the found family trope and uh..........strahm and i have history.........theres a lot of lore there]

general saw tag - #[🩸] terrible lie

insert tag - #[🔪] strawberry gashes

peter strahm - #[☕] people are strange

amanda young - #[🐷] 7 words

john kramer - #[♟️] symphony of destruction

adam faulkner-stanheight - #[🎞️] how soon is now?

lawrence gordon - #[🎲] wave of mutilation

is it obvious im a sucker for the found family trope ... *cough*

as a side note , i have other fixations & media i insert myself into -- this tag list is to showcase what im fixated on at the current moment just to keep things organized :-)

if you ever feel like chatting, PLEASE feel free to shoot me an ask or a dm!!!! dont be shy!!! i love chatting and making friends/mutuals, so i would LOVE to meet you!!!! but anywayz, thank you kindly for reading! have a lovely day!!! ^_^

[basu-shokikita]

Kloktober 2023 Day 6

Comedy or Tragedy

I'm primarily someone that loves both consuming and writing comedy but I have to say that Metalocalypse, besides being funny, is ripe with angst potential. Because of that, I struggled choosing one for this day. Eventually, I managed to come up with something…and here it is.

Hope you enjoy!

Toki clung to Skwisgaar, sobbing inconsolably on his shoulder. “No, it can’t ends like dat!” He hiccuped. “It amsn’t fair!”

Skwisgaar, though less emotionally overt, had tears in his eyes. “It ams…like dat…”

“No!” Toki yelled, banging on his own thighs. “No! Please!”

Skwisgaar watched him sadly, fighting off the tears.

“It can’ts…” Toki’s voice got lower. “I can’ts…No…No…”

Wiping his eyes, Skwisgaar patted him awkwardly. “It will be okays…eventuallskies…”

“But hows?” Toki insisted, his eyes red and cheeks wet. “Hows can it evers?” He buried his face in his hands. “Hows…”

Skwisgaar tried to speak, but his voice didn’t come out. He cleared his throat, voice broken when he talked. “You has to believes…One deys…”

“Hows can you be okays when you lost it alls?!!” Toki turned to Skwisgaar and the latter looked at him with so much despair in his eyes. “Oh, Skwisgaar…my hearts broken…” He sniffed.

“I knows…” Skwisgaar nodded slowly. “Never thoughts…dis could happens… toes us…” He rubbed his eyes, in an attempt to regain his composure, instead breaking down in front of Toki.

“Oh, no, Skwisgaar…” Toki cupped Skwisgaar’s face with worry.

“Everythingks ams so frails…” Skwisgaar looked to the side, distraught. “In da blinks of an eyes…it can goes away…”

Wordlessly, Toki wiped the tears off Skwisgaar’s face with his thumb. “Don’t cries…” He whispered, while crying himself. 

Dark blue eyes met icy ones. “Toki…” Skwisgaar pleaded his name, like he was about to break into pieces.

“Skwisgaar…”

Pickles walked in with a bong and almost dropped it over the sight. “Whu….Whut is goin’ on here?!”

Toki turned to the voice, casually letting go of Skwisgaar. “Oh, Pickle!” He rubbed his nose. “We were watchings um, whats it calls…”

“Da Broker’s Mount Ann…” Skwisgaar sadly, drying his face with his shirt. 

“The Brother’s Mob Plan…” Toki repeatedly wrongly, just as sad.

Pickles’ eyes went from the rolling credits on the TV, to Skwisgaar and Toki, to finally the DVD box on the table. Something seemed to click on his brain, because he sighed and went. “Ye mean…Brokeback Mounteen?”

“Ja, dat’s what we says.” Skwisgaar raised an eyebrow.

“Moidaface says it was a cows boy movies…” Toki explained, looking down pathetically. “We thoughts they would has horses and has gun fights…”

“Fuckingks Moidaface…” Skwisgaar cursed under his breath. “It was so fuckingks depresskings…”

“Ye guys are so fucken stoopid…” Pickles said, to no one in particular. “Who hasn’t heerd of Brokeback Mounteen?”

“He mades us watch a gay movies and cries about it!” Toki ignored him, getting progressively angry instead. “We should…We should kills him!”

“Ja!” Skwisgaar stood up in agreement. “He mades us gays! We amsn’t gays! Lets kill hims!”

“Uh, I think you are pretty ghey…” Pickles commented and took a bong rip before flopping on the couch. “I mean, ye were like-”

“Let’s go, Skwisgaar!” Toki decided, standing up too. “We can burns his dicks while he ams sleepings!”

“We cans drop a huge pianosk on his stupids, uglies dick!” Skwisgaar suggested, with a mischievous smirk. 

“Yeah!” Toki cheered and they left, mumbling and cackling about the possible suffering they could inflict on Murderface. 

Pickles watched them go with disbelief, a cloud of smoke surrounding him. “Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt, or somethin’.”

#kloktober2023 #kloktober #metalocalypse #skwisgaar skwigelf #toki wartooth #skwistok #pickles the drummer #my writing #no beta we die like men etc

[monstroso]

William Murderface

my boy!!!!!

a little known fact about me is Murderface might be my favorite Dethklok band member. it doesn't happen so much anymore but when people do fanart and leave him out of the lineup i get so upset. draw ugly guys!!

My NOTP for them: ??

I feel like I don't really have one? I think anyone trying to work out Murderface ships in this fandom is doing something interesting, and there's enough interpersonal drama there for each relationship that I think you could make something worthwhile if you were actually invested. The only ones I might be iffy on is Charles/Murderface or Abigail/Murderface if only because they have like. Standards.

My BROTP for them: Toki

Some of the best episodes (imo!!) are the ones where Murderface and Toki get sidelined and and have to do their own thing for a while sans the actual competent members of the band. Dethrecord's b-plot (Takin' It Easy) and Dethsiduals (the Get Thee Hence episode) are both some of my favorite moments on the show, and I think they work because when Toki's being a wet napkin it forces Murderface to take charge and actually Do Tasks. That said, just because Toki and Murderface are bros, doesn't mean they work well together, and I love to see that fallout as well.

My OTP for them: It's Gotta Be Dick.

I mean, it's gotta be Dick, right? Actually on my most recent rewatch I gained a lot of appreciation for Dick Knubbler and just how crucial he is to Dethklok, but that's an essay for another time. Right now, we're talking about Willie! I love that he calls him Willie. I also love that to date he's the only person who has actually gotten a William Murderface disaster project off the ground. Not really successfully, mind, but the Christmas Special did actually happen! So that's something! I love that Dick isn't afraid of William, I love that he's so confident in his ability to sell seashells to beachgoers that it doesn't even register that he's probably better off spending his energy on a project that might actually get people excited and turn a profit instead of Unsuccessful Murderface Fiasco #832. Really solid foundation for something interesting here.

My second choice pairing for them: Skwisgaar

Okay hear me out, hear me out!! Here's a guy. Who will sleep with anything. Here's another guy who can't get laid to save his life. You see where I'm going with this, yeah? I'm joking but like. Also. There's tension there because of the attractiveness and skill gap. They're also (I'd argue) the two guys in the band most likely to be anything other than straight. I really think an enterprising individual could make a very convincing case here.

My fluffy pairing for them & My angsty pairing for them 

I'll just put these two together since my answer kind of covers both of them and is also really boring. Murderface isn't, like, the kind of guy with a lot of depth of character, and these questions assume I'm going to really Dig Deep and get really Invested in making these relationships the kind of thing that makes you have emotions. His backstory is arguably the least fleshed-out in the band and it doesn't actually tie much into the mythos of the prophecy and all that. He's just a really unfortunate joke character with a lot of self-esteem issues who surrounds himself with people who exacerbate those issues. To make his relationships angsty or fluffy would require more from him than I think the narrative can really give.

My favorite poly ship for them

I really wish I had more poly ships so this question doesn't make me look like an intolerant jackass. I love poly ships but only in very specific cases! William Murderface is not one of those cases lmao.

My weirdest pairing for them: Magnus

I have, in my drafts at this very moment, an unfinished Magnus/Murderface fic that will never see god's light that I am unreasonably proud of. Trash heaps deserve one another.

#asks #djangodurango #these take like 45 minutes each to answer i hope this is entertaining lmaoo #askmeme

[m3gahet]

25 for snickles

You guys know about the polar plunge? Also my Google history now has "can you eat pussy underwater" so that's fun

25- Write your otp bathing or swimming together + Snickles

“Yer fucking with us.” Pickles gaze is fixed on the icey waters beneath the dock's edge. He can't help but shiver, dressed in only his swimming trunks and a robe. 

“Ams not!” Skwisgaar exclaims, clearly insulted. His full lips pulled into a pout and arms crossed over his chest. “I told yous. Once you ams in its amazings.” Pickles caught the mischievous glint in those blue eyes before he could look back at the water. 

“Don't ya fucking dare.” 

“I'm nots doing anythings!” 

“Would you two shut up?!” Nathan's voice manages to echo with actually having yelled. It is effective. Skwisgaar huffs but doesn't speak, Pickles squats down as if it'll make the water any less intimidating. Nathan's footsteps cause the wood to creak as he finally approaches the edge. “Let's get this over with.” 

He's just about to rise when he feels a firm hand on his back. He manages to lock eyes with Nathan before being shoved off the dock. He doesn't even have time to shout before he's submerged. Every part of him is wide awake now, coffee doesn't have shit on this. 

He resurfaces just as Nathan seems to leap off the dock with a splash. Pickles splashes him as soon as he emerges from the water, having the nerve to look unphased. 

“Fuckin douchebag!” he curses as Nathan just shrugs him off. 

“You were taking too long.” He says blankly. Pickles shoves more water his way before looking back at the dock where Skwisgaar remains, squatting on the edge with a hand covering his mouth as he laughs at the both of them. 

“Alright get in here.” Pickles orders, he admits he seems to have adjusted. It's still cold- like way too fucking cold- but it's not awful he supposes.

“I thinks I'm goods on second thought.” 

He fucking knew it. 

His insult goes unheard however as Nathan simply grabs Skwisgaar by the ankle and yanks the blond off the dock and drags him under with him. Skwisgaar bursts from the water and practically leaps back onto the dock with a curse. Pickles can't remember the last time he saw the blond run anywhere but God damn is he fast in making his way back to their rented cabin. 

“Told ya he was fuckin with us.” He states smugly but Nathan is really good at taking the fun out being right. “Get me outta here.” He pulls himself onto the dock and quickly discards the soaking robe. The air doesn't feel cold anymore. Nathan's up in a matter of seconds, despite being the only one with a dry robe he decides to go without, instead offering it to the redhead. “Was Skwis always that fast?” 

“When he wants to be.” Nathan replies. “I'd hope so with those fucking legs.” 

“They're good legs.” 

The two of them share a comfortable moment before heading back to the cabin. Pickles can make out Skwisgaar's sopping robe draped over the deck railing and spots the blond relaxing in the hot tub. 

“How ya feelin? Amazin and all that shit, right?” He taunts as he approaches the tub. Skwisgaar's glare is normally as cold as the lake was but his bright red cheeks undermines the intimidating. “Don't be a brat.” He swings his legs over and sinks into the warm water of the hot tub. He didn't know if he bought into the whole god thing (at least the Christian one) but he had to admit this felt heavenly. 

“You not joinings?” Skwisgaar asks as the sliding door squeaks open. 

“Coffee first.” Nathan grunts. 

“That didn't wake yer ass up?! I’m fuckin wired!” He exclaims. “Skwisgaar sprinted, dude! He was like a damn cat.” Nathan doesn't respond, just heads inside, leaving the two of them alone. “Yer a dick, by the way.” 

“Ja ja I knows.” Skwisgaar rolls his eyes but gives him a smirk. “Want mes to make its up to you?” Pickles raises a brow as the blond moves closer till he's in front of him. “Wanna see how longs I can holds my breath?” 

“Oh fuck ya, dood.” 

#my shit #sknickles #snickles #we gotta agree on a name #again this shit aint edited #im having fun though #skwisgaar skwigelf #pickles the drummer #nathan explosion

[pikaflute]

what if charles and dethklok were youtubers and/or streamers

nathan: all he does is record videos of him with various sea creatures. he's not like informational about it either he's just like. "i like this fish. he's cool." he also makes videos of him reviewing metal music which either boils down too "this sucks" or "this rocks". he's the most popular youtuber out of all of dethklok.

pickles: rant videos. if he gets mad about something, the next day there's a youtube video up about it. his weed sucked? video about why he hates it. someone (nathan) bought the gross cereal? video about cereal. he also makes cooking videos, but his advice to "do drugs" while cooking should not be followed i think.

toki: he's an vtuber streamer. his character is just him but more kitty like. this cute persona is undercut by him being highly competitive and aggressive in anything he plays. he's like angry one second and then "omgs! :D thanks yous for the donations!!!" the next.

skwisgaar: beauty youtuber but he's more of into the gossiping aspect of it than actually doing tutorials. like he'll be in the middle of his eyeliner routine and go 'tokis ams a dicks' and then go on a 30 minute rant about it while applying the blush.

murderface: you know the guys on youtube who eat mres? thats him. he talks about war history while he makes the mre and its all very informative and interesting. and then he eats it and gets really mad that it tastes like shit everytime. it's comedy gold.

charles: 4000 part let's play on his minecraft world. they're very calming and peaceful. he's built a replica of mordhaus and he basically learned redstone from scratch with no help at all. he also posts about fencing techniques sometimes. he's very :) when he talks about fencing but all im focusing on is his butt

bonus:

abgail and knubbler: podcast where they talk about music together. they occasionally have charles on as a guest.

abigail: video essays. less ranting and more of like an appreciation of certain medias she's seen

knubbler: content reviewer (movies, music, food, etc) but with clickbait thumbnails

melmord and magnus: legally i am not allowed to finish this joke.

magnus: reaction commentator with an animated form that crosses his arms

melmord: see above

mma: doesn't post videos just posts hate comments under magnus'

#1022 (my oc): legally i am not allowed to finish this joke.

[sourbat]

A Missed Call

Because you can never have enough magtok, here’s an old one shot I wrote some time back for the holidays, but never got to releasing.

Summary: After a rough morning and bad rehearsal, Toki retreats and listens to an old, missed call saved on his dethphone.

Pair: Toki and Magnus

Rating: T

Read on Ao3 or click read more below!

Following a long night of painting a recently completed figurine, Toki woke up late on the morning of a planned recording session, one he had practiced for beforehand. Toki checked the time, panicked and hurriedly put on some clothes, skipped the shower, and rushed to the upper levels and kitchen to grab some fruit as a quick and easy breakfast. On his way to rehearsal, he got woozy and had to double back retrieve his insulin. When Toki finally arrived, everyone was already in a foul mood. Knubbler mentioned losing two saved recordings, and apparently Murderface raised a fit about it. No one entertained his tardiness, and Toki could tell that patience was wearing thin, but still insisted he get some recordings in to show his dedication to the band.

Since he left his guitar behind in his room, Skwisgaar tentatively offered one of his own, lips pursed and brows sinking while Toki readjusted the harness, tightened a string. It seemed every small action he performed while scrambling to the tinier recording room earned the ire of his lead guitarist, and when they settled, Toki sensed the increasing weight of the atmosphere, the building gravity and high expectations that few could reach.

He couldn’t concentrate. Not with Skwisgaar frowning at him, eyes stained with contempt,  arms crossed tightly to his chest and fingers rapidly tapping the correct rhythm across his rigid form.

Knubbler gave Toki permission to go, but his eyes couldn’t break from the imaginary strings rapidly coursing through Skwisgaar’s busy hands. He knew Skwisgaar was comparing their speed and overall performance. Toki saw the frown extend downwards, finding his attempt inadequate. Toki flubbed the first recording, and just four measures into his part. He messed up on the second and third try. He made it as far as the first rest, then messed up again.

Sixteen measures and another set of wrong notes later, Skwisgaar finally had had enough, and the passive remarks began. Toki couldn’t play over Skwisgaar loudly pointing out every wrong note he tried teaching. With the room filled with a never-ending tirade of “noes,” Knubbler had no choice but to stop recording. The moment he announced the news, Skwisgaar grabbed the guitar by the neck and loudly insisted through Toki’s headset that he would play the parts instead.

The news proved fatal to his esteem. Aghast, Toki pleaded with Skwisgaar to let him try one more time. He grabbed the older man by his top, but then sank and fell on his knees. Skwisgaar wouldn’t have it, nor would Knubbler who, after bringing a hand to cover the red light flaring in his optical devices, suggested an emergency fifteen-minute break.

Tensions were high as Skwisgaar exited the small room, hand clasping the guitar and swinging with a vigor that warned Pickles and Nathan to back off and keep their mouths shut. Murderface left the couch to grab some snacks, and when he returned, saw Toki inching his way to the nearest door.

“You alright, Toki?” he asked through loud chews and smacks.

Toki didn’t answer. His head sank, leaving just a nub of a neck and messy chestnut veil before he reached for the door.

Knubbler turned in his seat. “Tough luck, babe. Come back in fifteen, alright?”

“Or don’ts, nots like we’lls notice,” Skwisgaar said under his breath, earning a sharp jolt from Toki’s shoulder before he stomped out of the room.

Nathan sighed. “Skwisgaar.”  

“Dood, no need ta’ be a–”

The door shut, and at the sound of the lock clicking, Toki pressed his back into the adjoining wall. Cool stone tempered his rigid, hot spine. It pushed the heat forward,  through his chest, then spilled down his cheeks in a furious heat. Toki slid to the floor, legs retracting and arms coiled round to bring them up to his chest. He sighed and tried shutting his eyes, only to have to watch himself repeat the same mistake again, observe his clumsy fingers resting on top the wrong string, wrong fret, sloppily strumming and ending up with a nasty fuzz that only further infuriated Skwisgaar. A heaviness collected across his beet-reddened face before going limp. He buried his face between his shaking legs. He spent the next few moments in silence, head spinning and throat shut, refusing the smallest intake of air until Skwisgaar’s harsh words turned into blurry static.

The pain that swelled in his chest raged forth, climbing up his strained neck, reaching behind his eyes and sending a throb that warned Toki of an impending sob. He sucked a sharp breath, filling his chest and stomach until his belly hurt, then shuttered an uneven exhale. The anxiety whirled in his abdomen, a miniature storm that threatened to burst into a panicked state if he didn’t act quick.

Toki blinked, feeling the wet sting forming in his eyes. He released his shaking, numbing legs, letting one drop while keeping the other close for support. Head still lost in the dark fog, Toki reached for his pocket, and pulled out his phone. He wiped his face, dragged an arm across his nose and sniffed hard, sucking up the collecting moisture into his ailing throat, and went through his dethphone’s multiple applications.  

His thumb lingered over a message dating back nearly eight months. Toki sniveled over it, tongue lapping around his lips as he glanced at the time, the length of the message. Wide eyes darted to the ends of the hallway.  When he determined there were no oncoming gears, he pressed play on the screen.

The phone’s display went dark for a second, then vibrated with a rapture of noises. Toki’s bottom lips curled inward, teeth pressing on top the skin as he watched the screen come alive with shadows, the blur of a swaying phone failing to focus on a single image, and the colorful, out-of-focus city lights in the backdrop.

Then, humming. Toki instantly calmed when he heard the slow, off-tune notes, followed by the screen moving, raised up to reveal Magnus' curious face lazily staring into the screen.  “…why aren’t you answering your phone?”

The voice fuzzed as Magnus brought the screen closer, angle crooked as he leaned to one side, body lax and swaying with each step.

“Just as well. Shit.” Toki broke into a chuckle as Magnus stumbled forward. The camera toggled, pointed upwards at the sky. The first time it had happened, Toki yelped, panicked over Magnus potentially falling and breaking his neck. Now, he counted the seconds of Magnus’ extended groan, then smiled at the incoming giggle that sluggishly transitioned into a prolonged, nonsensical song.  “Dadadaaaa…”

Feeling a bit more at ease, Toki’ s second leg began to sink, and both hands fixed to the screen as he toggled the phone to its side. When he checked again, Magnus was back to a (crooked) stand, happy and quite pleased with himself not falling flat on his face. A car zoomed by in the background. The lights at the intersection turned green, and Magnus brought his tongue out to wet his drying lips.

“Leave it to the one time I figure how to use this dumb app, just my luck.” Magnus rolled his head back, messy hair whisking, flowing out of tandem with his uneven gait. He shut his eyes. “I know I said…I’m sorry I’m drunk, buddy. God, I miss you right now.”

Toki wiped his eyes, giving a short nod. “S’okay,” he whispered, letting a thumb come close to petting the drunk Magnus who’d broken his promise not to drink too much, at least now without Toki to look after him.  

Magnus stared back. Not at the light, nor the screen, but at Toki. “Hope you’re, uhh, having fun right now. Whatever you’re doing.”

Toki shook his head.

Magnus’ expression softened. “You know, I miss you,” he slurred to the phone’s receiver.  “A lot. Like, holy shit, dude. You gotta come back soon. Hit me up, even if it’s just to yell at me for breaking my promise.”

Toki sniffled as Magnus pulled away from the camera. His hand turned inward, almost as though he were trying to cradle the screen, reach and cup the face of the Toki who had failed to pick up the call several months ago. Even then, it had been hard to stay angry at him. Disappointed, sure, but Toki couldn’t stay mad at the man who went out of his way to learn how to use his Facebones-time app, call and speak from the heart.

Thinking of it, Toki glued himself to the screen, silently awaiting the next portion.

“I really miss you,” Magnus continued. He leaned against the wall of some unknown building, his sinking head still favoring a particular side. “I know you’re on tour and all, and I gotta be fucking patient but…this is going to sound so cheesy, but I miss seeing your smile.”

Just hearing the words lifted the ends of Toki’s mouth. On screen, Magnus’ expression softened, eyes blurred with sudden realization.

“I miss you telling me to stop scowling all the time, and I miss you telling me it’s ok…”

“If ams not readies to smiles yet,” Toki whispered to the screen.

“–if I don’t feel ready to smile yet.” Magnus made a face that, to this day, made Toki feel just a little anxious. What was going on in his head, he wondered. Did Magnus know what he was about to say?

He watched Magnus palm his hand over his bad eye. “Fuuuuck, what am I saying?”

“Everytinks you wants, Magnus,” Toki answered the recording. His heart picked up, anticipating the final portion of Magnus’ drunken rambling, the denouement of his accidental message, and that final push Toki needed to help him get through this miserable day.

The screen emitted hardly any sounds, producing only the subtle changes brought on by the late autumn winds, the occasional roll of a speeding car, and Magnus’ own relaxed breathing.

“You’ve probably already deleted this,” Magnus murmured to himself. Or to Toki? Hard to say. The smile he cracked was aimed at no one in particular, but each time he lifted his head, and Toki saw his long waves brush across face and reveal the longing in his eyes, he thought Magnus must have known, deep down, what he was going to say. “I’m drunk and I’m swearing and I miss you, and I love you, and the more I think about you being away for two more weeks–”

Just like that. The three words Toki had tried prying from Magnus for weeks, months, had slipped through the cracks and were uttered during a random night spent drinking alone.

“–It kills me. Shit, I shouldn’t have said that.”

Toki stroked the screen. “Ams fine, Magnus.”

“Well, that’s all. I just wanted to tell you I love you. And miss you. And as soon as you get back I want you to tell me how you got on stage and rocked the hell out of everyone’s soul. The same way you do mine whenever you… hehehehehe…ah,  shit .”

Caught between their shared laughter was Magnus stumbling forward, and like every past play through, Toki quieted down, paused the video once he remembered what Magnus had said, and rewound it just to hear it again. He obsessed over the second “I love you,” all casual and free. The “I love you” that was comfortably tucked between other facets, and said with no restraints, no second-guessing. It was a feeling he admitted to without any forethought, and spoken from the heart.

“Call me back, ok?”

Magnus’ hand covered the screen. It took him a while to accurately bring an end to the call, but while he muttered to himself, questioned and asked no one in particular how to shut off the app, Toki meandered in place, wiggling as he relived the words, Magnus voice setting free that momentous confession thought the form of a simple, missed call. It would be another two months before he whispered the words, so soft and faint, and yet somehow carrying the weight of the universe on top of it. That sober confession would be as impactful, and while Toki spent nights replaying how shy Magnus had been when he first shyly announced his love to him, nothing quite compared to the drunk Magnus who casually remarked his affections.

“Will calls you soons,” Toki said to the phone, then closed the app. He would, and he’d do everything within his power to reverse the tragic alignments set before him, and turn this shitty day into something decent and worth discussing. Skwisgaar could yell at him, but Toki would still try his best. He’d play his heart out like Magnus expected him to, and would have something to show for it once it was over.

Toki checked the time, and saw he had about five minutes left until his break ended, and another two hours before Magnus had to wake up to get ready for work.  His nerves still shook from the memory of his recent failure. Toki sighed. Eyes closed, he saw Magnus standing alone, city lights a messy blur, veiled under a heavy and tiresome drunken haze. If that man could figure out how to use his phone and video call him, cheer him on and tell him how much he cared about him, then Toki could finish a session and get his part in the demo.

He reentered the room a seconds later, warmed face hit with the thick atmosphere.

Pickles and Nathan stopped their discussion to check on him as he slowly approached. Nathan regarded Toki with a gentle nod. “You ok, Toki?”

“Ams fine, thanks for askins.” Toki waved shyly at the two. Thankfully, Skwisgaar was nowhere to be found. While it didn’t guarantee a permanent reprieve from the stress to come, it did allot Toki some additional time to prepare for the rest of his session. Remembering Magnus’ encouraging words, his drunken, cherry-red smile and airy laugh that always reached so high before cracking, Toki exhaled. He pushed out as much of his anxieties as he could, the panic that settled across his queasy belly, and he walked over to Skwisgaar’s guitar.

Pickles raised a brow, popped the gum he’d been chewing as Toki adjusted the strap, and then proceeded to the recording room.

“Hey, Toki.” Nathan interjected, still reclined comfortably in his seat, and not appearing slightly offended when Toki met his obtrusive glare with oblivious perplexity. “Where are you going?”

“To practice,” Toki answered. Charged by his response, Toki confidently turned for the smaller room. “Goinks to show Skwisgaar ams not a screws-up,” he said, voice carrying a surge of an impending storm, raw energy that filled his expanding chest with the assurance he needed to get him through the session.

As he opened the door, Magnus' voice entered his mind:

Rock the hell out of everyone’s soul.

#toki wartooth #magnus hammersmith #fanfic #magtok #hammertooth #drinking #sad times #but wholesome feels #skwisgaar is ams dick in this one #sorry

[little-murmaider]

Well @offdensmith ‘s Nategaar OTP answer and @frienderbender ‘s Skwisgaar in therapy comic have me feeling A Way so!!!! Also thank you @insomniac-pens for edits!

“How’d it go?”

Skwisgaar flopped onto Nathan’s bed face-first, his prolonged groan muffled by the mountain range of pillows. 

“That bad, huh?” 

Closing his book on a faded Burzums receipt, Nathan knuckled aside Skwisgaar’s hair and massaged the back of his neck. Skwisgaar hummed in appreciation.  

“Hads to talks about Little Skwisgaar.” 

“Ugh, I hate when he makes me do that.”

Rolling onto his side, Skwisgaar scooched up to rest his head on Nathan’s shoulder. “He says dat’s de best ways to work throughs my.” He waggled his fingers. “Childhood traumas.”

“Always with the childhood trauma, that guy! It’s like, we get it, we all have an alarming number of unaddressed psychological issues, move on!”

“Pfft, ja. Gets dis, today he says dat my needs to appear as dis untouchables closed off cool guys stems from my fears of emotional intimacys, ands was likelys a copingks mechanism developed durings a volatile childhoods wif a narcissistic and neglectful parent.” He coughed, fingers thrumming against Nathan’s collar bone. “Or somet’ings likes dat.” 

“He can cope with this mechanism!” He palmed his crotch. “Did you say that? That’s what I would have said. If it was me. And I was there.”

Nathan expected a laugh. Dick-based punchlines were a guaranteed laugh from Skwisgaar; for all his posturing, he had the comedic sensibilities of a middle schooler. But Skwisgaar didn’t laugh. Instead, he looped an arm across Nathan’s waist, curling his knees into himself like a moon shell.  

“Cans I stays here for a little bits?” He murmured. 

A cold, disarming pulse rocketed through Nathan’s bloodstream.

“Uhhhhhhhhh yeah dude. Yeah. Yeah.” He leaned toward the night stand, hand hovering over the remote. “You want to put something on, or…?”

Skwisgaar shook his head. “Dat’s okay. I just…”

The arm draped over him curved tighter around his body, hand splaying against his ribs.

“…Wants to be wif you, rights now.”

“Oh. Uh. Okay.”

Thumbing away his makeshift bookmark, Nathan tried to pick up where he left off, the book’s spine digging a divot into his palm as he balanced his wrist on Skwisgaar’s shoulder. He found himself scanning the same passage over and over, unable to focus through the fog of confusion that had settled over his senses. This was…weird. He didn’t know why it was weird, or what to do to make it less weird. He’d never been good at reading these kind of situations. (Or, according to That Guy, he lacked emotional literacy or whatever, he was working on it whatever!) Best he could do was stew in the weirdness, let it simmer around him until it broke down into a delicious broth of normal. Had he missed second lunch? How soon was dinner? Was it too late to ask Jean-Pierre for soup?

Wetness seeped through the material of Nathan’s shirt. He smirked. Skwisgaar must have dozed off—the trickle writhing down Nathan’s chest must have been his drool. Gross, but not an uncommon occurrence. For some reason Skwisgaar was most relaxed when the two of them were alone. It puffed Nathan’s ego with a misguided pride, that the most tightly-wound person in the world unraveled with him.  

But that pride vanished the moment he realized Skwisgaar was crying.

Technically, he shouldn’t have been shocked. Technically, this wasn’t the first time he’d seen Skwisgaar cry. There had been plenty of stress-induced meltdowns; plenty of shaky insistences he was TOTALLY HIGH as globs of corpse paint dribbled off his cheeks. This wasn’t like that. This was new, and rare, and required a delicacy way above Nathan’s emotional pay grade. Oh God. He was going to fuck this up so bad. He was going to destroy Skwisgaar, destroy their friendship, destroy the band and, much less importantly, destroy the global economy. Oh God oh God he was going to fuck this up so bad! The book tumbled from his fingertips, his body on autopilot. One hand snaked through the rolling golden waves of Skwisgaar’s hair. The other anchored between Skwisgaar’s shuddering shoulder blades. Feeling Skwisgaar’s hitching sigh of relief, Nathan’s panic settled. Against the odds, he’d stumbled into the correct reaction. He did something right.   He gathered Skwisgaar closer, the rhythm of his sobs mirroring the beat of Nathan’s heart.

Time grew hazy. Nathan was unsure how long they laid there, how long he held him. Long enough that when Skwisgaar wriggled out of his grip and rocked onto his knees Nathan’s arms ached at the absence.

“H’okays.” Fixing Nathan with a watery smile, he swept at his cheeks with a flourishing flick of his wrists, eyes bright as heat lightning. (Once he’d confided when he was little his mom would purposely make him cry because she loved how deeply blue it made his eyes. He’d shared it as though it was a wacky, hilarious anecdote but it left Nathan with nothing but a gutting sadness.) “I’m normal nows.”

Nathan bobbed his chin. “Sick.” Sick? He’d never said sick in his life, why did he choose to do so now? What was the matter with him? What the hell was emotional literacy???

Skwisgaar raked his hair back from the roots, lips twisting as if he were considering the notes of a wine. Nathan anticipated a bailout. He waited for the half-baked dismissal of what occurred, the flimsy excuse to leave, the tacit agreement to never speak of it again. But when he spoke, Skwisgaar said, softly, “t’anks you.” Nathan balked. “For what?” “Dere amn’ts a lots of people I cans...does dat wif. Most times I just does it by myselfs. But.” His gaze lowered, shyness coloring his smile as a flush colored his cheeks. “Ams really happy I haves you.” Nathan’s face heated, an unfamiliar pressure building behind his sinuses. He felt his lips part and waited for his brain to push something ruinous to fall out of them. Before he had the chance, he curved his hands around the back of Skwisgaar’s neck, drew him back down into the bed. They melted into each other and kissed until their jaws ached.

#metalocalypse #nategaar #my fanfic

[failedintsave]

OKAY here’s a real one 28 49 60 skwistok

Three prompts means I can make this longer than I intended for the game, right?

Proposal fic/fake married/poorly timed confession

"Oh noes, you guys, you gots to helps me! You really gots to help me out!"

Four pairs of eyes tracked Toki from the couches as he skidded into their midst, his face taut with apprehension.

"What um. Toki, what do you need help. With."

"Yeh, Toki, what're ya yellin' for? Yer nterruptin' my stories!"

"Well..." A sudden flush crept up his neck, mortification at his predicament catching up to him. "So, remembers when I tried dat Ladymates dating service?"

"You mean the asscholes that lured me to a hotel and beat me with a bat?"

"Ja, so—"

"Right, right. The ones that found you that psycho who wanted to," Nathan's nose wrinkled. "Procreate. On purpose."

"Yeh we remember dat. Why?"

"Well, um. So a while back I signeds up again—"

"Toki!" There was a slap as Pickles' palm made contact with his forehead. "Whet did we tell you last time?! Listen ta yer dick!"

"Schrew that! Lischten to my dick! That'sch the one they buschted up lascht time!"

"Yeah that's true they did do that. Last time." Nathan set aside the paper he'd been reading and turned to fully face the youngest member of the band. "That still doesn't tell us how you think we're gonna help you though."

The heat rising to Toki's face increased tenfold and he began to wring his hands in distress. "Well dey tolds me dat I was constraktionablies obsligated to marries my new match and—"

"Mearry?! Ah jeez Toki."

"So I t'oughts dat maybe if I ams was alreadies married den dey can'ts makes me gets double married—"

"You know in some cultures that's just. A thing."

"Yeah, schischter wivesch."

Pickles waved the others down, then leaned forward and steepled his fingers, conspiratorial. "Dhet still don't sahlve tha prahblem though. Ya still need someone ta be the other half of this sham marriage, otherwise dey'll know yer lyin'."

Toki's hands now slipped against each other where he fidgeted, clammy with anxiety. The creeping blush overtook his face. "I already tolds dem a names."

Silence.

"And?"

Only a high pitched whine escaped him as he turned towards the end of the couch. Skwisgaar had been observing the discussion in quiet amusement, but when Toki turned in his direction all traces of schadenfreude disintegrated.

"Noes."

"Skwisgaar, please! You gots to help me!"

"No ways!"

"Be a pals! You my only hopes!"

"Aments happeningk!"

Toki fell to his knees, supplicatory. "Please, I'll never ever asks for anyt'ings ever again forever. I'll does whatever you wants."

The blonde frowned down at him in consideration. It was a long moment before he spoke again.

"Anyt'ings? Like prackstice every day?"

"Toki promises!" He stared hopefully up into the face of his would-be phony-husband.

The frown deepened and Toki could almost see the reluctance being pushed aside, his offer hard to resist.

"And you won'ts pester me abouts nothing? Not even for to plays a solo?"

Toki winced. Well, if that's what it took.

"Promise."

Skwisgaar's upper lip bulged as he ran his tongue across the top row of his teeth, his eyes narrowing as he weighed his decision.

"Fine."

And like that, he was free and clear, evading the clutches of the Ladymates Dating Service once more. Toki figured they could get some paperwork drafted, a faux license to keep the lawyers off his back, and then put the whole thing behind them.

Toki was wrong.

"You know, if you had just come to me first we probably could have found a, ah, simpler manner with which to handle this." Charles said, pinching the bridge of his nose before looking back up at the pair of them standing on the opposite side of his desk. "Unfortunately, I think the damage is done now. We're just going to have to roll with it. Your, ah, news, has generated mixed reactions from the public, and I'm concerned what might happen if it comes out that this is a fraudulent union."

He gestured to a spread of tabloids laid out in front of him featuring assorted photos of both guitarists with words like 'elope' and 'tie the knot' in blocky lettering. Toki's eyes landed on the topmost rag and the massive headline 'Dethklok Gay? Come On...'

"Can'ts we just says dat we ams changed our minds and gots a divorce?" Skwisgaar folded his arms over his chest. "Celebrities ams always breakings up all de times."

"That is true, but with the two of you being in a band together, and your track record for public disputes, I worry that a split may result in widespread panic over the integrity of Dethklok as a whole. Which would be bad for the brand."

Brows knitting in consternation, Toki couldn't help but wonder at their next steps. "So what does dat mean? Dat we ams stuck pretendings to be married forever?"

"Not forever, but at the very least until the gossip columns stop running features daily." Charles turned in his chair towards a brass stand behind him, retrieving three small brandy glasses and a cut glass decanter. He poured a finger of liquor into each, sliding two across the desk before picking up and swirling the third. "It's in everyone's best interest that this appears believable, so you should probably start acting like newlyweds. Mazel tov." He raised his glass to them and sipped.

They kept up the act. They were performers after all, this was just a new facet to incorporate into their offstage personas. Holding hands during public appearances or walking with their arms around each other's waists, minor displays of affection to stave off at least some of the skeptics.

At one point someone asked about their rings, so they'd had a set crafted. Thin bands of pale gold, light enough that Skwisgaar couldn't complain that it slowed down his shredding. Toki wasn't one for jewelry, but he found himself spending a lot of time looking at it and spinning it around with the pad of his thumb.

The first time they kissed for the benefit of the paparazzi, Toki knew he was in trouble.

Months flew by and their admiring public remained as rabid as ever. There seemed to be no end in sight to their charade, no loophole for Charles to exploit and free them from the bit. Yet strangely, neither of them chafed at the continued subterfuge.

In fact, casual intimacy became habit more than an act, bleeding into their leisure time at the Haus even when they knew they were safe from prying eyes and telephoto lenses. They'd find themselves lounging together on the couch, Skwisgaar reclining against his chest as he plucked away at his guitar, Toki idly running his fingers through his hair while he watched tv. And quietly dying on the inside, knowing that eventually things would go back to normal and he'd be left with just the memory of these comfortable domestic moments. Pressing his lips to the crown of Skwisgaar's head, he resolved to enjoy what he could, while he could.

When the annual label dinner rolled around, Toki was not enjoying himself anymore. Obsession with their relationship had finally begun to taper off, and soon they could stop pretending. Except he couldn't. He hadn't been pretending for a while now.

"Um, Skwisgaar? Honey?" They hadn't ever really nailed down the pet names. "Can I has a words wif you? In privates."

The blonde looked up from his conversation, wedged between a pair of industry suits. "Of course, darling. If you gentlemens would eckscuses me." He allowed Toki to take him by the hand and lead him away, snatching a drink from a tray as a server passed by.

"T'anks for de save. Been cornered by dose dildoes forever, answering millions billions questions about de records process." He tossed back half the flute of champagne in one gulp. "Likes dey actuallies understand anyt'ing I tells to dem."

Toki continued into the hall, his fingers still laced together with Skwisgaar's. He needed to find somewhere quiet, away from any nosy party attendees. "What? Oh. Ja dey ams real annoyings."

"Dids you really needs to talk about somet'ing?" Skwisgaar asked, still trailing where Toki towed him along.

"Ja, um. I gots something to says..." He stopped short and tried to stifle the nerves vibrating through him. It was now or never. Toki grabbed the glass from Skwisgaar's hand and downed the rest of the drink, desperate for some liquid courage. "Skwisgaar...when we started doing dis whole pretends-married thing..."

Laughter echoed down the hall as a small posse of guests wandered away from the main hall. Why was it so hard to get a minute of peace in their own house? Looking around, Toki spied a supply closet and rushed in that direction, dragging the lanky Swede behind him.

"Toki, what ams—"

Before they could be spotted, he wrenched the door open and ducked within, slamming the door the second they crossed the threshold. Without a light it was impossible to see what was stored inside, and Skwisgaar's foot caught on something as Toki forced him into the space. He flailed in the dark, grabbing into Toki's suit jacket and sending bottles of household cleaner toppling from the shelves to bounce across the floor. Their feet tangled in a coiled extension cord and soon they'd landed in a heap on the ground, the handles of toppled mops and brooms forming a crude lean-to above them.

"Ow, sons of a... Toki—"

He raised himself onto his elbows where he'd fallen atop the taller man. This was going horribly, but if he stopped to regroup he feared he'd never be able to try again.

"Well dis aments how I pictured having dis conversation but...well..."

Skwisgaar shifted beneath him, wriggling to disentangle them from the pile of janitorial supplies. "Toki—"

Maybe it was better that it was dark. Then Skwisgaar wouldn't see the scarlet color of his face, though he could probably feel the heat emanating from his cheeks.

"When we starts dis whole act, you was doing me a big favors, and I real thanksful for dat."

"Toki—"

"No just lets me go first, den you can says whatever you wants." The body under him stilled and he took a deep breath before continuing. "I know dat soon we probably won'ts need to keep putting on dis show and if you still wants to gets de pretends divorce den fine but... I don't think dat I ams faking it anymore. I really, really like being wif you like we has lately. And, if you likeds it too, maybe we could tries it for reals?"

Skwisgaar didn't speak for several moments and Toki began to think that even if he had, it would have been inaudible over the nervous hammering of his heartbeat. Finally, Skwisgaar broke the unbearable silence.

"I was just goingk to say dat you ams on my hair."

Toki reared back, hands flying to cover his face. "Oh god. Ohhh my god. Kills me now." If a pit could open up and swallow him whole right about now, that would be great.

The touch of long fingers wrapping around his wrists preceded a low chuckle from the floor. Skwisgaar peeled his hands away, tearing down his shield with unexpected gentleness.

"So you caughts de real feelings, eh?"

"Shut up." His lame deflection was met with another warm laugh.

"Dats so cute."

"Okei, stop making fun of me. Forgets it. I'm gonna go drink the whole bar now." Toki shook free of Skwisgaar's hands, but they just dropped to his necktie instead, dragging lightly down the silk material.

"I t'inks I could be interested in dis proposal of yours, 'dough." The Swede purred, the smile evident in his voice even in the dark.

Wait. What?

Toki let himself be tugged forward by his tie. There was no one here but them, nobody to watching their playacting. This was Skwisgaar actually flirting with him.

"Oh you asshole."

"Huegheughhueheughh."

"I'ms gonna smother you."

Skwisgaar continued laughing even after their lips met.

[Send me Trope Mashups and a Pairing!]

#sorry this took a minute. it got away from me a little bit. #and i may revisit this later for a long form fic. really fluff things up lol #skwisgaar skwigelf #toki wartooth #skwistok #metalocalypse #asks #thank you! 💜