#since ur still reading these you might as well just dm me and be my friend cauwe i'm lonely

[caseythebunnyboy]

sorry this is so out of the blue but it’s so so nice seeing other SEA trans people!!! i feel like i never come across people like me online (esp. in nsfw spaces) so this blog genuinely came as a really pleasant surprise <3 also ur outfit in that bunny post is SO cute

okay this probably wont make sense to people who arent poc but this actually means so much to me. i have a really big history on having internalized racism and feeling like im "lesser than" white people. to be honest, it still effects me to this day in small ways, but thats another topic for another day- there are so many layers that influence how i see my race that connects with my sexuality and gender identity that you cant really explain to others, they just have to experience it themself.

(im gonna put the rest under the cut because this is probably gonna be long and i dont wanna clog your dashboard/screen)

another thing is that ive felt like i was a "lesser" asian as well. im not chinese, japanese, or korean so my entire identity of being asian is constantly being questioned and pushed aside because im not one of the pretty, well known asians. it made me feel inferior for so long and took me years to get over, and honestly im not sure if im over it yet, but its definitely died down more.

this ask means so much to me because it makes me feel like just by existing as a south east asian, (a group of people that are often ignored and doubted as to whether or not theyre the race they are) and being proud of it, im helping my people not be ashamed of it too. because the sad reality is that almost every single one of my fellow south east asian friends have wished they were white when they were younger.

i wouldve done anything to get younger me to be proud of his color, rather than trying to whiten it whenever he drew himself, rather than wishing he were american, and rather than despising his own country and people for 12 years. he was blinded by inferiority to the point were it became a mindset that we were lesser. that white people are cooler and more advanced, that my countrys history was boring, and that my culture could never compare.

when i was 13 i finally got out of that mindset, but little bits and pieces linger around that i try my best to ignore. now iam an adult man that is proud of my countrys culture, music, fool and people. it makes me happy that i made someone go "oh i found someone else like me!" because yes! we are like each other! and im so glad you feel proud of that, since i am too!!! surprisingly, we arent that uncommon, i have a whole friend group of south east asians that are also trans, you just have to look closely to find us hehe

theres a whole other topic about how me being poc (that isnt all that common or well known) affects my experience being queer but honestly thats a suuuuper long topic i could talk about for hours, so i wont get in to that here. anon, if youre still reading this because i know this is long as hell, please feel free to dm me so we can talk!! i wanna get to know a fellow trans south east asian, and who knows, we might even be from the same country!

last thing, im happy you guys like my outfit in the bunny posts, will post more pictures of me in it i swear! 💜 thats all i can fit in to one post, again, thank you so much anon. i hope you have a great day 😊

#casey ★ answering #casey ★ speaking #this matters so much more to me than you could ever know anon #thank you

[twogyuu]

STAPH OMFG I'm like fangirling rn?! 😭😭 OFC I'd remember both those stories. Both were like the only thing that kept me exciting last summer (since my summers are so boring lol). I'd just like to let u know, I was definitely a person who read and loved every single one of ur old stories and still love ur current works now too!! I hope this doesn't sound creepy?? I already knew who u were for a while long, cuz I saw u on another blog asking to be on a taglist and mentioned ur old blog (and I totally freaked out cuz I was so sad when u suddenly disappeared lol), but I was so happy when I found this blog after and saw that u were writing again 😭 I've been wanting to ask you about ur old blog, but I was scared it might make u uncomfortable, but then I saw u mentioned u read a Seokjin fic on ur old blog recently, and decided to just try and ask. But I wasn't actually expecting a reply omfg 😭😭

But I'm so happy you've decided to return and write again, especially since it's something therapeutic for you as well :) I'm happy to hear from you again, and don't worry about re-writing EC and BHEADE, as I can definitely understand life can get so busy, and that you're writing has also changed, and I still love your writing!! 💖💖 I was just curious about for a while lmao. Hehe, I've already read Terrifyingly Innocent (and all ur other works lol) though I've been busy with school so I just need to catch up with the latest chapter, and I definitely noticed some scenes from ur first fic hehe 😀.

I mean I definitely wouldn't mind Because Happily Ever After Doesn't Exist 👀 But obviously, you don't have to write it again if you don't want to since it's the same as your current writing style or too busy with it, because I'm happily content with your current works as well!! Since you mentioned it though....adjslkf and if it's not too much of a hassle...could I get a quick point summary of what was suppose to happen?? and who OC chose in the first series LMAO like i've been dy!ng to know since last year LOL. Should I like revive my old tumblr account and have you DM the summary and who OC should? Or should I stay on anon, I don't mind either way, whatever makes you comfortable.

Sorry this was such a long reply lol. I'm just too excited and got carried away. But I'm happy to have found you again and to see that you're doing so well and also seeing the growth from your old blog to this one!! Forever supporting your writing for as long as you'll be writing!! <3

Lol I don't find it creepy, anon! Don't worry about it! If anything, I honored and flattered you still keep up with my work to this day 🥺 Thank you!!! I'm so happy to hear I was bright spot of your summer last year! When I first re-started on Tumblr with this blog, I was tryna keep on the DL LOL, but I guess I wasn't so discreet 😂 Caratblr is a small world after all hahaha.

Like I tell everyone, there's no rush on catching up with Terrifyingly Innocent! It'll always be there and truthfully, it might be a hot minute until the next update since I'm kind of stuck with this next chapter 😅 I'm curious though since you read my very first works 👀 How are you liking it in comparison to EC? 😂 Side note I'm reading the acronym for Because Happily Ever After Doesn't Exist, and I'm wheezing at the length of it rn 😂 I also realized it can read as "behead" 😭😂

The idea of BHEADE is still in the books as a possible future fic then! 😂 I love a good love triangle ✊🏻 I would be more than happy to tell you want was supposed to happen for both EC and BHEADE! I'm not sure if I mentioned this then, but Chan was supposed to be endgame for EC LOL, but there was a big plot twist that made me change my mind 😂 I'm flexible - whatever you're comfortable with and what's more convenient for you. Admittedly, my curiosity is piqued as to who you are because only a few readers ever wrote me messages this long 👀 If you want to stay anon though, that's cool!

#old blog anon #😭😭😭 #you're so sweet!!! #im still very shook #in the best way possible 😂 #BHEADE lololol

[c0mbatchameleon]

Just saw your reblog saying "please anonymously confess things in my inbox i want to read your secrets" so here I am sjdhhshs

I'm actually really lost about my identity + romantic and sexual orientation and because of how lost I am it's a thing I think about a lot (I hate being lost about my feelings but it happen more often than I would like to admit) and today I have just remembered that when I was young, like probably 7 or 8, I told my mother that if I was a boy my name would be Noa because of the Tinkerbell character and because I loved her mixte name and since I'm questioning myself about being something else than cis (idk I think I'm maybe genderfluid) it's now another piece in the puzzle I suppose (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠)

Hi babe!! First of all ty for ur secrets I will guard them with my life.

Ok but fr—u r very much not alone with this. Myself and manyyyyy queer ppl have experienced like the exact feelings ur describing in at least one point in our lives. It’s an inherently very confusing subject that I still don’t understand entirely!!!

The way I see it, labels are an attempt to neatly categorize something that is inherently fluid and abstract and organic and just generally uncategorizable to an extent. And they can be very helpful tools in understanding ourselves and our place in this weird world but they are also no end-all-be-all yk?? They’re just that—tools. And we can try something out and change it up and there’s absolutely no rush or commitment. I spent literal years flip flopping what I thought my sexuality was and now I’m very content with how I identify but part of that contentness comes from the understanding that i might still discover something new about myself in a year, or 10, or 30.

And even though I’ve been very settled on a label I also have still been exploring that label actually means to me and how it intersects with gender and everything. And with the way I’ve reframed it all in my mind, it’s no longer something scary but instead it’s like exciting? Like oh i didn’t know I felt this way! I get to explore that and learn more about myself!

Ik it sucks to feel so confused and when you try to focus in on it in your head maybe it only blurs and distorts even more and that’s frustrating af, but it’s not forever I promiseee. You can take the time you need to explore and try things out in whatever way is comfortable. There’s no right or wrong to it! No right way to identify or right route for self discovery.

Idk if any of that resonates but I wish u well on ur journey and my inbox/dms r always open xxxx

#mail

[catathyst]

Here have a ametrine for ur timeline

I'm getting good at drawing gems

#Mystical #ametrine #Ametrine Blightness #Ametrine Khulu Blightness #imagine people caring about or oc's #i remembered to give her cheekmark and color the hands this time #double win #stop reading these tags #last warning #you just lost the game #warned ya #not my fault #easter egg #since ur still reading these you might as well just dm me and be my friend cauwe i'm lonely #wow... you really got nothing else to do rn huh? #well you could always check out my su au's #i got au blogs for connie comet. star cafe. factory reset. insanity. and a diamond family #i also got what if. worlds collide. story multiverse. and cloudy illusions but i think imma make them more so mini au's and short comics #theres also partneds in crime but thats scrapped #i uhm got a youtube channel. i plan to makema winx club rewrite series there #sub to me #okay immout of tags ideas sooo #you just got coconut malled

[0-parasol-0]

go wild about ur au, i'd love to hear it :)

Oh god okay you say this but you’re going to regret it/j

okay so basically the background of this au is that there is this ancient all-knowing being ( which I, in my head, imagine as a more distorted and larger version of the nightmare archivist ) of dark magic. Dark magic(DM) is opposed to light magic(LM) and if a lm user tries to use dm it will hurt them and Vice versa. Dark magic ≠ black magic, the two are entirely different concepts in this. Dark magic is linked to knowledge of the forbidden and other concepts of the being.

this ancient being gets sealed into a void at some point for its dubiously ethical methods of gaining more knowledge ( using dark rifts to see into new worlds yet also being destruction if anything escaped, using its knowledge to benefit only itself by learning the magic of floating, never sleeping with its countless eyes all open at different times ). obviously, since it cannot gain knew knowledge in a void, it becomes rather mad and wants to devise a plan to influence the world even though it cannot directly contact it anymore.

its master plan is to create a cookie that can learn for it and essentially become all of its knowledge and prowess condensed into one form, a magnum opus of the being’s knowledge and power gained from existing, and then release them into the world. It creates a cookie made of the most pure and dark caffeine and then drops them as a child into the world, altering a few cookies’ memories to make them think he’s always been there ( The cookie is Espresso if that wasn’t already obvious )

( getting into hc territory here for a second, this is just me explaining my regular backstory for Espresso and Latte ) Espresso grows up in the coffee tribe in the Dark Cacao Kingdom with Latte as his cousin until they have to leave on their own for the Republic when they’re around 13-14(?? I can never decide cookie ages) because their place got overrun with cake monsters.

they attend a magic school in the Republic with Eclair. ( who goes there because I want to be self-indulgent, but if you want a plot reason why they’re not in the kingdom it’s because they grew up there before leaving soon after they became an adult. ) Latte is the more social of the two cousins while Espresso mostly stays to himself, but he becomes friends with Eclair mostly because of the latter‘s persistence. ( and because they have a crush on Espresso )

anyways one day Espresso asks Eclair to look into stuff ( specifically, the ingrained hatred of light magic- even he doesn’t know why it almost burns his soul when he tries to use it, nor why he knows so much about things he shouldn’t. Eclair finds a book detailing the all-knowing being and shows it to Espresso, who immediately has the dots click in his head that he is in some way related to this being.

knowing how the Republic sees dark magic ( hc it to be viewed with intense scrutiny compared to light magic ), Espresso makes Eclair promise to keep it a secret, and they make him promise to tell them if anything happens relating to the all-knowing being.

that’s the basic premise of it, but I have been planning out a story involving the reappearance of the dark rifts in canon and the all-knowing being ( who still does not have a name yet )! Might post my theory-crafting on that later if it garners enough interest.

I don’t really have a name for this au yet?? Ive tentatively called it DMATA ( Dark Magic At The Academy ) but I will gladly accept other suggestions

as a bonus for reading this long have some designs that go along with this au ( as well as just being my designs for these three when they were younger )

Ok I think that’s it for a semi-detailed explanation? Idk

#cookie run kingdom #espresso cookie #eclair cookie #latte cookie #Cookie run au #DMATA #Asks #Para’s Aus

[heauxzenji]

could you do the nsfw alphabet for atsumu please? thank you :)

Aw shit, here we go again...

NSFW Alphabet: Miya Atsumu

gn!reader focused

A/N: She hasn’t written in awhile but you know what I’m proud of it- lol be nice to me or I’ll leave forever jk I won’t but still be nice to me ily 💕 Atsumu is a menace I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Obviously nasty below the cut so if you’re a kid fuck off

𝕬 - 𝕬𝖋𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖈𝖆𝖗𝖊

He’s not the best, but certainly not the worst. He will take care of you, but… only after he takes care of himself first. Usually that just means he needs to take a shower. Once he does, he’s free to supply cuddles until you both fall asleep.

𝕭 - 𝕭𝖔𝖉𝖞 𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖙

He has abs so solid you could make a sharkcoochie board on them. That’s all I’m going to say about that.

𝕮 - 𝕮𝖚𝖒

When Atsumu cums… he cums hard. It’s like having an out of body experience- every nerve cell in his body is firing off as he tenses up, digging his nails into whatever flesh he can grab, and grinding his heels into the surface supporting him. He bites down so hard his teeth grind involuntarily as his face contorts in a strained statuesque vision. One low growl from deep in his chest comes out through gritted teeth as he sputters out mixtures of “that’s it,” and “don’t you dare fucking stop.”

The orgasm face of Atsumu Miya is one of the 7 wonders of the world.

𝕯 - 𝕯𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝕾𝖊𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖙

It’s not a secret per se, but he’s been exposed and clowned for eating ass… so he doesn’t wanna talk about it.

𝕰 - 𝕰𝖝𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖊

So contrary to popular belief, I don’t think he’s that experienced... he’s just lucky! (Lmaoooo all of his experience is based on like 2 actual people that he maybe got to second base with (he says third but come on we know he’s lying) and then a litany of porn. Poor thing just wants some coochie I AM HERE KING and he has no trouble finding it, he just never seals the deal. He’s someone who just kind of, knows what to do naturally. He’s able to read someone’s body by touch alone, and so he knows what you like right off the bat based on how you react. He might try a couple of things at the start to see what really makes you squirm, but once he’s got it... holy hell has he ever got it.

𝕱 - 𝕱𝖆𝖛𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖊 𝕻𝖔𝖘𝖎𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

I hate to say how easy this was- but I KNOW Atsumu is a guy who prefers doggy. I see him as a hair puller, so this is perfect for him. I also could see him being into mirrors, and this is the perfect position to make you look at what he’s doing to you, especially while he’s pulling your head back by your hair. He especially likes gripping his thumbs into the smalls of your back (he crosses his arms bc saw it in a porn once and he thinks it makes him look cool), and when he’s INTO it, he likes to smack your ass to encourage you.

𝕲 - 𝕲𝖔𝖔𝖋𝖞

Is goofy by accident. Like will sometimes try throwing in something new with his normal dirty talk that completely throws you off. He hates when you laugh at him for it, but you find it endearing.

𝕳 - 𝕳𝖆𝖎𝖗

I’m gonna… say something so controversial yet so bold:

What hair?

And yes I mean that. Smooth. He waxes. Monthly. No hair. (Besides like… legs and armpits… yah he doesn’t touch those) Naked mole rat dick but fuck it he’s Atsumu motherfucking Miya he can do what he wants.

𝕴 - 𝕴𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖆𝖈𝖞

While he’s not the most... romantic in general per se, he does want to make you feel appreciated. He’s very eager to get his, but he won’t allow himself to unless you have already. It takes restraint, but he cools himself down by having you get on top, or by leaving lingering kisses anywhere he can, saying you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever laid eyes on.

𝕵 - 𝕵𝖆𝖈𝖐 𝕺𝖋𝖋

When he’s away from you he loves to send you videos of himself or FaceTime you. He gets you worked up enough to join him no matter where you are. He just needs to see you, he needs you to see him stroking his cock to the thought of you- he can’t cum without you telling him to.

𝕶 - 𝕶𝖎𝖓𝖐

I have to get this out but I KNOW he’s nasty. I imagine Atsumu as a huge dirty talker and also someone who’s into spitting. Both of those are just clear in my brain... like he would be pundinng you from behind, spit on your back, and then call you a slut all in 3 seconds flat but the way that you would cream? Ugh insanity he needs to be arrested he needs to be stopped

𝕷 - 𝕷𝖔𝖈𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

Since he’s got money now- he’s a big fan of ordering Uber XLs or even just hiring a driver for a night on the town as a flex. But he especially loves telling his driver to put up the window partition while he annihilates you in the backseat. I just think he’s a fan of car sex in general- it just does it for him.

𝕸 - 𝕸𝖔𝖙𝖎𝖛𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

Loves to hear his name. Whether you’re moaning it or screaming it like it’s the only word you know, he’s always going to ask you who you belong to, and the answer is always Atsumu.

𝕹 - 𝕹𝖔!

He totally eats ass. He’s just not gonna tell anyone bc he told Osamu ONCE and now his contact name is ASStumu and he lives in fear of that getting out.

𝕺 - 𝕺𝖗𝖆𝖑

Sloppppppyyyyyy. Loves giving ~slightly~ more than receiving, simply bc he loves the sight of seeing his spit dripping down your thighs while he goes down on you. Loves eye contact when you’re going down on him.

𝕻 - 𝕻𝖆𝖈𝖊

Though I wouldn’t say he’s super experienced, I know he’s relentless. He fucks. Literally just fucks. Not in the sense that he only treats you like a hole bc yikes, but in the sense that he just goes the speeds of fast or faster. There’s no slow with him.

𝕼 - 𝕼𝖚𝖎𝖈𝖐𝖎𝖊

Yeah. Lots of them. Anywhere, anytime. Particularly for him, a lot of them end up being in his car, simply because you’ll be out somewhere and the mood strikes. He’ll quickly take you out to the car for a few minutes, slut you out, and then return to the function like nothing happened. You’ve had many a quickie in a bathroom or closet in a party as well. When he wants you, he wants you, so he’s not afraid to take you.

𝕽 - 𝕽𝖎𝖘𝖐

Not as much of a risk-taker as people think. Mostly because he wants to protect you. He would hate for someone to see you in such a compromising position… but also, you’ve had your fair share of quickies in the bathrooms of various wedding receptions, so he’s lying.

𝕾 - 𝕾𝖙𝖆𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖆

Can last a decent amount of time, if he spreads it out over multiple rounds. I’m general, he can probably go about 2 or 3 rounds without needing a break. More if you draw out foreplay with him. He’s a pleaser, so really how long he lasts is up to you. He’s got the power and control to hold off on is own release until he’s certain you absolutely can’t take anymore.

𝕿 - 𝕿𝖔𝖞

One of those mfs who gets you the mold of his dick as a toy for your birthday for when he’s away because according to him “you’ll be so needy while I’m gone”

I hate him so much but I would use that shit every day he knows what he’s doing I’m so upset

𝖀 - 𝖀𝖓𝖋𝖆𝖎𝖗

Speaking of being needy- he loves to egg you on when you are. He knows all the buttons to push, but he’ll never actually make the move until you’re begging. And of course he loves to turn that around in you, hitting you with that “god, ya just can’t get enough of me, can ya?”

𝖁 - 𝖁𝖔𝖑𝖚𝖒𝖊

He’s more of a talker than a moaner. Not necessarily loud in bed- but very, very vocal. Commanding of you in a good way, and will definitely show his appreciation through praise.

𝖂 - 𝖂𝖎𝖑𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖗𝖉

Actually has a Cosmo subscription bc he likes trying all the strange and obscure sex positions in the articles. Also likes taking the quizzes, and will casually have you do them with him at breakfast.

𝖃 - 𝖃-𝕽𝖆𝖞

he’s a little on the thicker side. Its probably a good 7 inches, so it’s enough to fill you, add in the stretch of his girth and it’s a good, mild burn when he first goes in, but he fills you just enough without it being way too much. He’s a shower, so he doesn’t get much longer, but you have a lot to work with. He also has a cute freckle on his left inner thigh.

𝖄 - 𝖄𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌

His sex drive is on the higher end, but really only when he’s in his off season. When he’s actively playing in games, he tries to curb his appetite a bit because he believes in the superstition that sex messes with players’ stamina on the court.

𝖅 - 𝖅𝖟𝖟

He’s gonna knock out, but not until he showers. He ALWAYS showers after. The water soothes his muscles and by the time he’s done it’s lights out.

Taglist Starseeds (link in nav to join):  @honey-makki @acciobrooms @sen-brainrot @the-3d-sky-sister @minato-hoe @strawberrymakki @prettyforpapiiwa @arixtsukki @freyafolkvangr @milanapolitana @notjasmin​ @keishinsuke

If ur url is bolded, send me a dm! ✨

#haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu hcs #hq headcanons #hq hcs #atsumu smut #atsumu x reader #haikyuu smut #hq smut #daisy’s red light district 🚨

[pwarkluv]

❝ what is love? - l.mk ❞

lee mark x reader | fluff | 2k words

WARNINGS | lowercase is intended, idol au, love at first sight au, 6thmemberofitzy!reader, shy!mark and shy!reader, fluff bc that’s what i’m best at LOL, another request :), just enjoy <3

REQUEST | “hii i read ur electric love fic w jisung and i really loved it :DD could you do the same for mark ? still as the 6th member of itzy ofc :D” - my lovely anon <3

SUMMARY | he wonders what is love, but finds the answer in you.

AUTHOR’S NOTE | inspired by the song “what is love” by twice (english lyrics by genius translations)! ANOTHER REQUEST HDSFKLDSJHF IM SO SO SO SO EXCITED! i wanted to change up the setting so it’s still 6th member itzy, but not in weekly idol :P ALSO this was inspired by when nct dream, itzy, and stray kids sat next to each each other in that one award show so yeah lolol. IM SO SORRY I LOST THE MESSAGE WHERE MY ANON ASKED FOR IT BUT I STILL WROTE IT FOR YOU! I LOVE YOU, THANK YOU, NEVER BE SHY TO DM ME ;)

what is love?

mark knew the general idea of it; the sappy moments movies show, the “butterflies in your stomach” feeling books portray, the pain and hardships songs make you feel. 

but he’s never been in love, at least not like this.

❝ how could it be as sweet as candy? ❞

training at such a young age molded mark into the perfect idol, and with that he was fully aware dating would look bad to the public. he accepted the fact that he might never find love, all to help achieve his dream. 

but as cheesy as it sounds, the canadian wished to be loved. 

yes he was loved by his members, his family, his friends, his fans; but the type of love he longed for was something none of them could give him. 

mark wanted to feel the sweetness of being in love, the giddiness you’d feel whenever you talk to them, the pounding of your heart whenever they’re near. he wanted to experience the overwhelming need to be with that person, like if they’re gone for too long it’s like you can’t breathe.

was being in love like making a song for the very first time? or was it like eating watermelon all the time?

so many questions with no answers, the boy left to wander in his own thoughts. 

❝ how it’s like flying in the sky? ❞

he smiled bittersweetly as the newly wed couple danced around in confetti, the sound of laughter and cheers resonating around the room. one of nct’s managers that had been with them since the beginning invited them to her wedding, to which the team obviously accepted. 

all 23 of them were happy for their noona who found her happy ending. mark could only watch in awe at the sight of the two lovebirds, the love and adoration for the other evident in the way they looked at each other.

his heart tugged a bit knowing he wanted something like that too. 

“being in love is like flying in the sky.” his manager explained to the boy as a makeup artist experimentally brushed strokes on her face. it was a couple hours before the ceremony when mark knocked on her hotel door, wanting to visit his favorite noona before she finally said ‘i do’. 

his question left his mouth before mark could fully register what he was about to say, the poor boy flushing a bit as the woman laughed at him. 

“are you in love mark? is that why you’re asking me how i knew i was in love?” she teased as mark stutterd, denying her accusation.

“n-no i swear!” he said as his manager continued laughing, the makeup artist having to pause a bit to let her get it all out. “i’m just curious.” mark said quietly trying to stop the heat from rushing up to his cheeks. 

“well being in love is a magical feeling.” the woman said, turning a bit serious. mark sat up straight as he listened intently. “when you realize you love someone, it can be a scary thing. love isn’t perfect mark, and i want you to know that. there are moments where you want to scream and rip your hair out, or cry to let it all out.”

the boy nodded in understanding, having a bit of knowledge from all the good breakup songs taylor swift writes about. 

“but it can also change your whole world.” she continued on. “it’s like seeing the world again for the very first time and the colors are more vibrant. it’s like having a permanent reason to be happy, and a reason to stay.” she explained as the mark sat quietly trying to comprehend it all. 

❝ i wanna know know know know, what is love? ❞

the poor boy’s head couldn’t wrap around the thought of you. 

his heart hammered in his chest as he secretly glanced at you, desperately trying to avoid suspicion from fans and his members. you were just too breathtaking, having the canadian looking back for more. 

the moment he first laid eyes on you, it was like an epiphany. you were the answer to all his questions.

so this is what it feels like, mark thinks to himself as he looks back on all the things he’s heard about love. 

the butterflies, the pounding of your heart, the “seeing the world in a whole new perspective”, mark felt everything and as much as he felt excited, he was scared.

as harmless as it sounds, award shows were a risky thing for idols. being surrounded by fans of different groups as well as said groups themselves always seemed to cause a bit of a stir between fans.

between dating rumors and rumors about beef between two idols, anything could happen.

but usually mark would be okay. he’s been doing this for a long time and knew how to behave.

however what he didn’t expect was to see you, the tiny rookie idol from the newly debuted girl group ‘itzy’. 

nct 127’s table was right next to yours which let mark have a clear view of your pretty eye smile as you laughed at something lia had whispered into your ear. your laugh was bubbly and contagious, the boy having to physically stop himself from wanting to laugh too. 

he was panicking, but mark couldn’t tell if it was in a good or bad way. 

❝ what does love feel like? ❞

your breath hitched as you saw the boy sneak glances at you from the corner of your eye.

the mark lee was looking at you, your heart racing as you tried to deny the fact that he was staring you down. there was no way the dude you’ve looked up to your entire trainee life is noticing you, no way at all.  

everyone has heard of mark lee even if you weren’t into kpop. he was just that iconic. 

you’ve been an nctzen since the very beginning, being there for nct u’s debut stage. in fact, nct was the very reason you decided to audition to become an idol in the first place. you looked up to the team but more importantly you looked up to a certain canadian in the group.

originally doyoung was your bias in nct when nct u first came out. but as the years passed by you found yourself more and more intrigued by mark, having him absolutely wreck your bias list.

since then you’ve been a loyal mark stan, even rapping his part in cherry bomb for your audition tape which ultimately led you to become an idol yourself. 

you refused to believe you were in love with the dude, not knowing a single thing about him. there was no way you could love him, not if you’ve never even met the boy.

but your heart seemed to prove you wrong as it beat wildly knowing mark was sitting right there on the table next to you. 

“you okay bubs?” lia asked in a worried tone, leaning in to whisper into your ear. she saw the way your leg bounced in a fast rhythm, knowing you only did that when you were nervous. 

you forced a smile as you hesitantly looked her way, knowing that she could take one look into your eyes and know you were lying. “i'm fine unnie, don’t worry about me.” you replied as sweetly as you could, wishing the elder wouldn’t notice a thing. 

though you two and yeji were the eldest in the group, all being born in the year 2000, you were the baby of the unnie line. lia and yeji knew you the best, having grown up with you after all. 

the girl only gave you a look before taking your hand in hers to give a soft squeeze. “i know you’re lying but i won’t push you. also mark lee from nct 127 is totally checking you out.” lia said, whispering a bit on the last part. she winked as you flushed, looking away in horror. 

-

johnny nudged the boy next to him with a small smirk, clearly seeing the heart eyes he was giving the girl in the table next to them. mark jumped a bit at the feeling, looking at his hyung with confusion.

“so y/n of itzy?” johnny said with a small smile as the younger immediately sat up straight. 

“is it that obvious?” mark whispered back with a hint of fear in his eyes.

if any of the fans were to get a hold of this… the boy could only shiver at the thought. 

johnny’s playful smile dropped a bit at mark’s worried look knowing how he must feel. they were idols after all.

“don’t worry, i only noticed because she was looking back at you too.” he said, mark flushing at the revelation.

“really?” he asked a little out of it. 

“i say talk to her after this?” the elder said, laughing a bit when mark jumped in his seat, immediately saying no. 

❝ will love come to me someday? ❞

“unnie why are you making me stay in the dressing room~” you whined as the end of the award show came along.

you just wanted to go home, your body worn out. not from all the dancing but from the way it viciously pounded in your chest whenever you ever thought about mark. 

lia only smirked in retaliation as she brought a hand up to squish your cheeks. “trust me, you’ll thank me later.” she said as she walked out of the dressing room, bumping into a 6 foot tall boy with a smaller boy behind him. 

“oops sorry.” she said a little playfully, as lia gave a wink to johnny knowing their plan was going accordingly. johnny only gave her a small smile, but if you looked closely you could see the mischief in his eyes. 

“hyung where are we going?” mark asked, a little weirded out by the two’s interaction. johnny only ignored the boy, dragging him by his arm as they walked down the hallway. 

“hyung i swear if this is a prank i’ll-” mark’s words were cut off as the two entered a door, only to see your confused face staring back at him. 

“oh shit.” he cursed under his breath, a little taken aback from how beautiful you were. one whole award show later and you were still as gorgeous as when he first saw you sitting down in the table next to his. 

your confused face quickly turned to an embarrassed one as you noticed the boy, turning another shade of red when you noticed he couldn’t take his eyes off of you.

“hi y/n, my name is johnny and this is my band mate mark.” the taller boy said, holding his hand out in a handshake. 

“h-hi i’m y/n.” you stuttered, not expecting to see the boy you’ve been daydreaming about for the past two hours to be right in front of you. 

mark gawked at the sight of you, his mind malfunctioning as the words seemed to get stuck at the tip of his tongue.

“markie right here has something he wants to ask you.” johnny said, pushing the younger in front of him with a grunt. 

this seemed to knock him right out of his trance, a hand coming up to the back of his neck as he stared down at the floor with pink cheeks.

“do you maybe wanna-”

“yes.” you blurted out, a hand covering your mouth in shock. “i-if you were gonna ask if i wanted to hang out sometime, the answer is yes.” you said a little shyly as the boy smiled. 

all this time mark thought he was gonna find love, but maybe love found him instead. 

“i’ll pick you up at 6 tomorrow evening.” mark said with a sweet smile as he took a step back only to be pushed back up again by johnny.

“you don’t even have her number you dumbass.” the elder scolded, disappointed at how dumb the boy was. 

your laughter caught both of the boy’s attention as you put your hand out with a small smile. “you want my number or nah?”

#nct #nct fanfic #nct imagine #nct imagines #nct x reader #nct x y/n #mark lee #lee mark #mark #nct mark #nct mark fanfic #nct mark imagine #nct mark imagines #mark lee fanfic #mark lee imagine #mark lee imagines #lee mark fanfic #lee mark imagine #lee mark imagines #seo johnny #nct johnny #nct 127 #nct 127 x reader #nct 127 x y/n #nct 127 fanfic #nct 127 imagine #nct 127 imagines #nct dream #nct dream x reader #nct dream x y/n

[zero-cycle]

hey i noticed you privated most of ur mcsr fics on ao3, everything ok? /gen

Hi anon! The answer to that is a bit complicated and you also just reminded me that I haven't publicly talked about this, so this answer is going to be a bit of a ramble, sorry.

Yeah, I locked my AO3 MCSR fics a bit ago (except the fundy one, because the fundy enjoyers already have so little fics lmao) and I won't be writing any more in the near future, at least publicly.

I'm not sure yet what my fic writing future will look like. I might end up deleting those fics entirely, I might let them stay like this, I might unlock them again. If I'd have answered this ask two days ago, I'd have told you it's very likely that I'll wipe them completely. Now I'm a bit more motivated to let them stay, mostly out of spite (god knows the Illumina and Fruit tag can use all the decent fics they can find.) The decision to private/wipe them was a mutual decision between Lilia @endstrats and me, since we both write in an universe we came up with together, so any decision I'm gonna make about my stories in the future will be a mutual one as well.

If you want access to the fics I've written, feel free to just dm me (even if we're not particularly close). As long as you don't like reupload them anywhere else, I'm fine with giving them to people to (re-)read. This goes for all fics that are currently on AO3, since I've deleted them off Tumblr. There's also shorter worldbuilding pieces on this account, those will stay, mostly due to them not being under a readmore and too widely shared so it's impossible for me to delete them even if i wanted to.

Now I haven't yet answered the question, have I? I'm managing right now, but that wasn't the reason they got archive-locked. A bit ago multiple things happened that reminded me that my fics on AO3 are publicly connected to this account and through that to my general MCSR Internet Presence. That is not something I want. Being known as a writer in this fandom is not something I want. I know we have big, public writers (Alyx Atlas Vibesoda, we thank you for your service) but I personally are not comfortable with that. The thought of the larger mcsr community (or god forbid, the ccs) knowing that I write fics is something that makes me highly uncomfortable and I've been thinking about this for quite a while now. This was just a bit of a last-straw situation which made me suddenly realize that this isn't the cozy corner of the Internet this used to be. So I'm still gonna need some time to figure out how and if I want to post fics in the future. I might post updates on here, I might not. I'm glad there were people that liked my stories enough to care about them, I guess.

#personal #nare writes #i guess #feels kinda sad to put this tag on this post but it belongs here #also hi fulham i know you can see this this isn't directed at you or anything you did #just for the record

[5uptic]

crewfu: fanfic spotlight!

We work together by Anonymous (5up & DK, unrated, gen | 248 words)

Summary: One likes plants and baking, the other loves to create and design video games. They stay up and create monstrosities together, it's their fun, it's their favourite game. Aka a 5up and Dk roommate au!

No matter how life tangles, I’m still here with you. by hungryandsleepy (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 279 words)

Summary: 5up has been working so hard on his new map, and of course, he needs someone to give him a motivation to go to sleep.

objectively pretty by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 462 words)

Summary: steve is drunk. he's pretty sure 5up is too. that doesn't mean being called pretty is any less momentuous.

you plus me by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 489 words)

Summary: 5up and Steve meet.

he said to me by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 656 words)

Summary: 5up and Steve share a moment.

by the snowmen by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 670 words)

Summary: Steve has a moment when it's all over.

today you got to know me (a little bit too slowly) by runninohhoney (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 675 words)

Summary: Steve lights up a cigarette. 5up doesn't smoke.

what would it take by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 787 words)

Summary: It's Steve's first mission. He hecks up. Or does he?

sorta cute by floweruru (5up/Steve, unrated, m/m | 822 words)

Summary: ‘I wouldn’t do that,’ he said. ‘That’s just disrespectful,’ he said. Yet there was 5up, crushed like a can in Steve’s embrace, feebly kicking at nothing as his feet leave the pavement.

i was gonna kill u, but ur kinda cute?? by Cthulhuer (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: Steve is a mess and 5up is worse.

I hear a Symphony by AwkwardAce (5up/Fundy, unrated, m/m | 1.1k words)

Summary: He exhaled until his lungs ached for air, fingers twitching as he opted to remove the sleek white gloves he wore in a feeble effort to soothe himself. It didn’t work. He wrung his trembling hands together as his eyes raked down the worn leather case taking in the doodles- some etched some drawn- across the faded surface. He snapped the buckles open and his breath hitched, catching in his already tight throat. For a moment the world span, his head throbbed and he wanted nothing more than to run and hide. 5up breathed out slowly, shakily.

staring by lytriis (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.1k words)

Summary: steve asks 5up out. 5up doesn’t know how to respond.

and it's four am, and yet, you're here by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: in which steve shows up at 5up's house, in the middle of the night, completely spontaneously

more than this by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: Steve catches 5up venting.

3:15 by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: Steve tries to guess Five's name. It's much more difficult than he anticipated.

things were different by fourpebbles (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.5k words)

Summary: His eyes circled around to his friends, Kimi and Janet engaging in pleasant comversation, sleepy and becoming increasingly more sober. He looked, finally, across him, and caught Dumbdog staring at him. What now bro, what did this guy want. small talk, turns into not small talk, then there's no talk

Once Upon A Dream by SmearedWords (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.5k words)

Summary: 5up looks ethereal, while Steve is struggling to breathe. "You're not real either." Or: Steve has a crush and a nightmare in three parts, 5up is tired, the crew life is hard and Polus sucks.

the ones you love will call you back by homeward_bound (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.8k words)

Summary: stevesuptic: dude, is it weird that i miss vegas   DumbDog: No? I do too.   stevesuptic: okay [steve misses vegas and apollo. they talk about it]

cough it out by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2k words)

Summary: Apollo thinks that Steve must be well and truly gone, at this point, because he giggles, like Apollo’s just told a particularly funny joke. He looks Apollo right in the eye and asks, “Do you trust me?” “Absolutely not.”

ivy by Secular_Czar (5up/Steve, teen rating, gen | 2.1k words)

Summary: It might be a sad day, in general, but Steve isn't about to let it get to him. His friends won't ever let him wallow either.

The Colosseum by WhenTheFogClears (general rating, gen | 2.1k words)

Summary: Five squinted, looking at the colosseum intensely. He thinks Apollo was latched onto the sphinx’s shoulder, fur matted with blood. Janet was slumped against a column, probably out, with Kimi whose bow was snapped in two, her leg twisted at an odd angle. DK was in the corner trying to cast various supporting hexes and charms with a broken arm, whilst Hafu was dragging a heavily bandaged Steve away. or 5up slaughters a cat

Oneshots :) by woofles1990 (5up/Fundy, 5up/Steve, teen rating, multi | 2.5k words, oneshot collection)

Summary: Just a bunch of MCYT/Among Us oneshots, mainly featuring 5up's crew because yes :)

the adventures of 5up and steve staying up late because they're under 30 by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.5k words)

Summary: “The night is young!” Steve yells at the ceiling, throwing his hands up in the air. “Take advantage of it! Commit crimes! Fuck hoes!” Five catches his hands in the air and laughs. “You wish you had hoes.”

unreasonably in love by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.6k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: "It was like pieces of a puzzle, everything coming together. And now, here they are, standing in their apartment, which looks more like a hollow shell than a home, filled solely with scattered boxes and the minuscule amount of furniture that they brought with them to Vegas." Or: what happens after Apollo and Steve move in together.

cant be love by fourpebbles (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 3.5 words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: He had chuckled to himself, he felt so stupid. Who in their fucking minds names a playlist 'sugr?', he thought, internally cringing. A story where a Steve meets an Apollo, and some things happen.

Somewhere in the darkness, us together for a while by tumtummeke (Apollo & Kimi & Steve, teen rating, gen | 3.6k words)

Summary: Apollo worries about Steve. Steve breaks his vape pen. Kimi plays power washer. Self-indulgent angst, with a generous helping of friendship and cuddles.

odyssey by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 23k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: "First you will come to the Sirens who enchant all who come near them. If any one unwarily draws in too close and hears the singing of the Sirens...they warble him to death with the sweetness of their song. Therefore pass these Sirens by and stop your men's ears with wax that none of them may hear." -Homer, The Odyssey

Also: SilverSprinklez10‘s yupwaves collection.

Summary: This is a Harry Potter AU based on the characters/personas of the youtubers/streamers.

FAQ:

Wait what is this: pretty straight to the point! i’ll regularly share crewfu-related fanfictions to this blog :)

How regularly is “regularly”?: great question! LOL. it depends on the flow of fanfics that get uploaded, which i do not have any control over, but i’m looking forward to do this twice a month. after all, it’s only me doing this and i often run on a tight schedule.

What’s the format like?:

[title of fic with link] by [author of the fic with link] ([main pairing(s), if there is one/multiple], [fic rating: eg, general rating], [relationship: eg, m/m] | [word count in k] ([added prompt to specify if it’s complete or not)])

Summary: [summary provided by the author. if it doesn’t have a summary, a “No summary” prompt will be put instead]

(What does WIP mean again?): Work In Progress :)

Why are you doing this?: from the beginning, my blog has hosted conversations about RPF (real people fiction) and crewfu pairings. this has evolved into people sending me updates about certain fics in the crewfu tags every now and then, but i wanna take the next step and just do these things myself. after all, i’m already lurking in the tags often to see the fics that get posted. as someone who is both a writer and a reader, i wanna appreciate fanfic writers and help out other people that want to read fanfic and consume more fandom content!

Will it be AO3 only?: well, ao3 has a very helpful tag system that makes finding fics incredibly easy, as well as allowing people with no accounts to like and comment on fics, so that’s the site i will personally look in for fanworks. but if there are any fics you’ve written or liked in any other platforms, such as wattpad, you can always contact me through my inbox (send an ask or a dm!), and i’ll make sure to include for the next fanfic spotlight :)

Does it mean you won’t reply to fic asks anymore?: yeah, i guess. since i’ll be doing the searching myself it seems counterproductive. but if i ever skip a fic or again, it’s in another platform, or you’ve posted/read the fic a while ago and you want to get more traction on it, hit me up and i’ll take it into consideration!

Will you read every single one of the fics on your list?: oh no. again, i run on a tight schedule, and also i have my own taste when it comes to fics. i won’t be reviewing fics or any of the sort, and my intention extends to simply sharing these fics to this page so people will have easier access to them :) that’s where ao3 tagging becomes SUPER useful!!!

So what’s the criteria for the way you’ll sort out the fics in your list?: word count, going from lowest to highest. in case of fics in other platforms, i guess i’ll put them at the top of the list. i’ll also be looking for fairly recent fics, so let me know if you want any old-ish fic to be included.

I see you talking mostly about 5up/Steve and Steve/Apollo. Can I still send/see other crewfu fics?: why yes absolutely! my goal is to push every fic which heavily features regular crewfu characters - 5uptic and supdog just happen to be very popular pairings. so, to give you a list: core 4 (5up, hafu, dk, steve), apollo, aipha, annie, janet, kimi, ellum, koji... you know the drill. it doesn’t have to be centered on a relationship, or about 5up in specific, etc. my only requirement is that any of the previously mentioned members are a central part of the fic or are HEAVILY featured in it (sorry, minecraft fics with 50+ tags who only mention 5up as an afterthought won’t make the cut :/).

Isn’t shipping Bad™?: well, it’s a little more nuanced than that. i will go out of my way to discourage and shame people who often violate CCs’ boundaries by acting like so and so has a crush on this person, or that this and that are Actually Into Each Other or secretly dating. any sort of tinhat bullshit is a big nono (think larries). but i run on the assumption that people who write rpf understand that what they’re doing is simply write a completely fictional story using real life personalities, and understand the boundaries necessary to do it - aka they’re not tinhats, they understand they can’t assume everything about CCs’ thoughts and personalities, they understand that what they’re writing is strictly fiction, they keep these works only in fandom circles, etc. (but again, it’s only one me doing this, so please be kind if i don’t happen to know that this person is Actually a tinhat or whatever).

show fic: NO. (seriously. i don’t feel comfortable putting my ao3 account out there. please respect my privacy on these trying times <3)

I REALLY don’t care about your rpf/fic talk: fair! i’ll be tagging every single one of these posts as “fanfic spotlight”, so just mute the tag using tumblr settings so you’ll never have to look at these! likewise, you can follow the tag if you want to keep up with it, or search it on my blog to look at the other entries you might have missed (but this is the first one! lol).

Hey, my fic is here and I don’t feel comfortable with it being shared over here: no problem! let me know as soon as you can and i’ll take it down <3

#crewfu #fanfic spotlight

[mokutone]

yo i would love to hear some of ur trans yam headcanons :) (also ps ur art is breathtaking and whenever i see it reblogged on my dash i always come here anyway to read ur tags bc they r so! good!)

thank u 🥺🥺🥺 god im sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a couple days ksdjghsdkjgh not only have i got a LOT of thoughts to put here (this is only a selection of the bigger thoughts skdjghsdkjhg) i was also super busy the past few days!!!! ty for ur patience, ur compliments, and for inviting me to ramble abt my favorite guy!

maybe the one constant in all trans people is just like. our decision to intentionally and purposefully create ourselves, to forced into an identity by outside forces and to turn away from it in search of something else, and that’s ultimately what makes captain yamato read as a trans character to me! He goes through so many identities, and they are meaningful to him, but you can also clearly tell that he’s searching for something that really fits him.

I don’t really have a lot of firm thoughts on what his specific identity would be, I’ve seen some great nonbinary yams, some lovely genderfluid yams, trans guy yams, there’s a great variety and i delight in them all! 

I tend to imagine him as transmasculine and nonbinary but male aligned (which means he’d feel at least a partial connection to or comfort with masculinity) and while there are a bunch of labels for this experience of gender (demiboy, bigender, etc etc) i don’t see him as somebody who would use any specific labels, I feel like he’d keep his own experience of his gender fairly private! He’d prefer and be fine with masculine-coded terms of address, and happy enough passing as a guy.

AHH and on names...

I think Kinoe is the only name that I really see as like. a genuine deadname. It’s a name that means “The First” to my understanding, and so like, probably refers to him having the genetics of the first. Therefore, it’s kind of. literally a name referring to him as his biology...boy thats as deadname as it gets, huh? kill that shit and also danzō

Tenzō is also a name thats given to him, but to my understanding (all I know about the anbu arc is picked up thru osmosis lol) it’s a name that’s given to him twice, with affection. Once from Yukimi, who sees him as her brother (not a vessel for the first hokage’s powers, probably for the first time ever—even if it’s still another person’s name) He takes the name, gladly! Unfortunately danzō. anyway,

Later, when he starts to introduce himself to the non-root Anbu as Kinoe, Kakashi cuts him off and names him to the anbu as Tenzō. To my understanding: it’s a name at rest, not a name for one singular mission, but a name for his entire time in Anbu. It’s the name he keeps the longest. Again, it’s a name that’s given to him to him by somebody else, but it’s one that is given with the intention to free him of Kinoe, and all that Kinoe had to be. 

(A note on him getting annoyed with Kakashi for calling him Tenzō in main-plot:

Most of this is of course based off of personal experience, but I find it hard to believe that he would actively dislike Tenzō as a name since it was given with such sweet intentions—most of my names have been gifts, and the only one I’ve actively taken out of rotation has been bc i cannot stand the person who used it, and the way it was used, and while Anbu was certainly bad for Yamato...I don’t think it was quite that bad. I think him telling Kakashi to stop calling him Tenzō has more to do with the use of it where it doesn’t belong—for example, while it’s not exactly a name, I am happy to be called “mokutone” here, and you may notice my friends calling me by another name, but if any of those friends called me mokutone in DMs, I would be bothered by that.)

Yamato starts off as an empty codename, given to him for the purposes of his team 7 mission by the Hokage, but I think it gets such a loving and warm association from just...using out in the sunlight, with these kids that he comes to think so fondly of (he’s such a dad. god. he’s such a fucking dad) and with the friends he makes going out drinking and actually having time to socialize—and that means a lot! I think Yamato is probably the name which becomes most meaningful and like a home to him by the end of the series. This is the active name, the name where he is most himself. It’s vital for him to have that space to grow into! 

But that said, I personally feel like, if he were to continue beyond the edges of the story, this would not be the final name he bears. He’s probably well aware that a single name cannot contain who he is, or who he wants to be, and while being Given a name can be a beautiful thing (like i said, most of my names are gifts! i treasure them.) I think that, for his character arc, I would like him to name himself at some point. Even if it’s a name that only exists for private spaces, I want him to complete that self determination, to at least try it out, even if ultimately Yamato is the name everyone else will know him by.

Physical Transition Stuff

i will confess i hurt to imagine these shinobi binding 😭😭 even if an individual is binding safely (well made binder, no more than 8 hours, AND No Physically Intense Activity) they stand to risk hurting themself! In real life we gotta balance out the physical pain and the pain of dysphoria, but this is naruto and I’m Gonna Play Some Headcanon Games!

If chakra is both a kind of spiritual energy as well as directly connected to the body (as we learned in the hyūga fight) then it stands to reason that by manipulating ones own chakra, they can manipulate the body, or at least the way the body changes (such as naruto’s healing factor) 

This probably is not the safest thing to do unless you’re a mednin or following the directions of one, LMAO

The second the hell of puberty started up for Tenzō he tried to hold it back by sheer force of willpower + chakra manipulation alone 

but, manually controlling one’s chakra is like trying to prevent a stream from flowing with your hands alone, which is to say: an exhausting uphill battle.

 He’d probably only be doing it on his down time and not on a mission, but even still the most I bet he could make it doing that without getting figured out is two months.

Luckily blockers are readily available, Tenzō just had no idea and, gender being a private experience for him, was trying to handle the whole thing entirely on his own. Soon after attempting to self-regulate hormones him-fucking-self like a very valid but desperate fool, he gets an appointment, gets a prescription, and can chill out and not have to be as hellishly aware of his body constantly.

 Konoha mednin will say trans rights even if the village itself is garbage, this series is so god damn weird already, nobody can tell me a ninja taking hormones is somehow weirder than a ninja taking his dead best friends genetic superpower eye.

TWO WEEKS, THREE SPARS, AND ONE VERY EMOTIONALLY DRAINING CONVERSATION LATER:

u might think kakashi is passing him a water bottle and they both look so exhausted bc its post spar but no. physically theyre fine, but the emotional toll of having to talk about something either of them care at all about? miracle they survived.

#lesbians4tenten #Tenzō #yamato #headcanons #kakashi says that so heavily bc both of them hate going to the hospital but blood tests are necessary for HRT usually #also kakashi is definitely trans as well. i have less headcanons about that bc i see him as like. Even More Private than yamato #(he hides 3/4 of his face. trans icon. also personal privacy icon.) #so like skdjghdskjhg him getting involved is not a moment of Concerned Cis Meddling but like. 'ghghhg this is bad. i gotta step in' #i hc that like he was one of those kids that by the time he was four he was like hey dad im a boy and sakumo was like. fuck ok! #i guess i got a son now! #yamato just did not think about it much #also while i see him having long hair as inherently him repressing his identity it has nothing to do with long hair being 'feminine' #esp bc most of the older men in naruto have long hair. sakumo j*raiya orochimaru madara the whole hyūga clan of men #but instead much more to do with. him repressing being tenzō in order to be kinoe for danzō #and if hashirama had long hair. and all he is is a weapon for hashiramas power to be used through. he too will have long hair. #its also why i wont draw yamato with long hair. while he is handsome with long hair...and an argument COULD be made for him reclaiming it #i feel like aesthetically it represents a return to a relationship he had with his body and with the idea of hashirama #that i am not interested in exploring #perhaps in sage mode it goes very long. and then he has a friend cut it off for him every time #that i could draw #ANYWAY I think everyone should have as many names as they want. you want to be called something? that's your name now congratulations #trans? cis? not sure? doesn't matter the world is your oyster and you can be called anything you want #if people dont respect that theyre jealous and being rude af lmao #image desc in alt text #for all thats worth

[writeiolite]

petals

plot: here lies the love story of nishinoya, the commoner boy who married into the royal family, and y/n, his childhood best friend and royal guard. try as he might, nishinoya fails to impress y/n when she’s always the one saving him, but one seemingly magical night might change that.

wc: 9,009

a/n: MRS. SKI!!! @nixhinoya​ ♡ where do i start... i am endlessly thankful for you and this commission. thank u for challenging me and being patient with me and so kind and caring all the time. i value u so much and ur so important to me i can’t even begin to express it. im so happy to have u in my life and i hope it’s forever ^^ pls enjoy this fic!! i hope spending time with prince noya is worth it c:

[ ! ]   if you want to use this fic in a reading video (like ASMR or smth), please dm me and get my permission first

. . . ♡ — crossposted to my AO3

“Once upon a time, there was a really dumb prince.”

“Hey!”

“And I mean really dumb. Astronomically dumb!”

“I heard that!”

“And his name was Prince Nishinoya.”

Whether he should stop you or wait to see how this plays out, he isn’t quite sure. It’s not as though he doesn’t know — it’s the story he’s most familiar with. The “Story of Stories” as he liked to call it. It’s the one legend he’s most proud of since becoming King.

The story of how you two fell in love.

Coming from a family of royal knights, your fate was set. You’d take on the same career as both your parents and be happy with it. In that day and age, it was typical, especially if your family has any sort of relation to the Royal Family. Still, you couldn’t fathom the idea at first — following in their footsteps just because they said so? No siree. Count Y/N out.

But then Nishinoya relayed the news to you.

Or rather, his step-father relayed the news to your mother who relayed the news to you. “Same difference,” Noya always said flippantly, not understanding his own contradictions either.

Anyway, the news. The biggest news of the century that changed your life sorta-almost-maybe forever. It had the maids gossiping even outside their housing, and that’s saying something in a world where talk will get you everywhere a criminal walks. Have you ever seen a spooked cat run away with its tail curled and back arched, slightly sideways but out of sight just as quick? That’s usually how the maids acted when they got caught gossiping about the Royal Family, especially when it’s a member of the Royal Family.

But they didn’t consider their new Queen to be royal, and they certainly didn’t accept the child prince either.

“They’re commoners marrying into the family after the late Queen — I don’t see why they’re any different than us.”

“I bet there’s a big scandal behind how they met. There’s no way the King would just marry a random woman.”

“He’s probably getting too old to find someone actually suitable. Gotta get an heir quick, I say.”

And then they’d boldly laugh and go about their business, completely unconcerned for the consequences because what could a commoner Queen do?

Boy, if only they knew.

For as long as you’ve known her, Nishinoya’s mother was a gift from heaven graced with the power of hell. Think angelic looks only when she’s in a good mood, horns and a tail sprouting from her otherwise. You’d never say that as a child, fearing the backlash she could give with her swinging hand, but you damn well thought it.

You thought it was scary when she got onto you two “troublesome brats” as kids — cross your childish heart, you really did! But the second you saw her ripping into the maids for their gossiping about her son, you had to reconsider where the line for fear starts and admiration began. It was like her angel wings were aflame, casting a horrific shadow over the faces of the maids (who were soon fired) for their turn of speech. There was definitely more to it, something like a cape of heroism flowing off her shoulders and a valiant sword in hand — a savior in all definitions of the word — but you didn’t need to stick around and risk getting burned yourself.

From that day forward, Nishinoya’s mother had unknowingly sealed your fate as her future daughter-in-law with her inspiring knightly efforts. Why, what else would you want to be if not a heroic royal knight?

The training to become a royal knight was brutal, to say the least, but you were prepared and diligent. “Lookin’ sharp, but I bet I’m better,” was something Noya always said while passing by. As the Crown Prince, he didn’t get a lot of time to chat with a knight-in-training, even if you two were still quite young. You’d come home with new bruises and achy muscles as a reminder for your hard work, your father offering a proud smile each time. Proud… or was it sympathetic?

“It’ll get better,” he would whisper, shooting a wink at your mother who would come in behind you. Apparently you weren’t the first pupil she had.

Even so, there was a reason you were trained by your parents (“Your mother, not him!”). A reason that you hadn’t known until the news was relayed to you in some other inefficient way. If it was supposed to be a surprise, it definitely worked on everyone no matter who in the grapevine knew about it. And it certainly worked for a certain brunet prince.

“You?” A small finger in your face makes your eyes cross, but you tap it away with a grin that matches his.

“Yup! I found out this morning after my last day of training! Isn’t that great? We’ll be together forever now!”

Forever is quite a long time, but at that age, it seemed like the natural thing. As higher ranking royal knights, your parents have worked close to the King forever, and now you’re to do the same for Prince Nishinoya Yuu.

Ah, if only it were that easy.

“You really think you’re a prince now, huh? Put a fancy crown on and suddenly you’re better than us?”

You heard it before you saw it — the familiar commoner accent, the rallied snide remarks, and the sinking sound of a fist or knee launching itself into someone’s gut. The shouts grow louder as your feet carry you faster and faster toward the commotion that you already predicted would happen eventually, you just really hoped you wouldn’t have to be the one to settle any disputes.

But it’s Nishinoya — of course, you’d have to do this for your prince.

“What gives you the right to lay hands on His Majesty?!” You throw yourself between your friend and your… former friends, arms outstretched and back tall even though the group of boys are much taller than you. They notice that, surely, and don’t back down, their knuckles cracking and fists grinding into palms with wry grins on their dirtied faces.

And much like the guardian angel you witnessed before, you keep them away from Nishinoya as swift and best as possible with the skills you were taught. Honestly, with how quick they are to retreat after you knock down one of them, you wonder why Nishinoya had a hard time in the first place. Sure, those boys are older than you two and a couple towered over you, but with his little brags, you expected just a bit more from him.

“You’re kinda hopeless, aren’t you?” you tease, pulling him up from the ground.

With defiance burning in his eyes and searing into you, Nishinoya sniffles up the blood that was threatening to slip down his upper lip from his bruised nose. “It won’t happen again, I swear on my life. They just caught me off guard and ambushed me like a buncha cowards!”

With his arms crossed and chin tilted, Nishinoya narrows his eyes at you. Up then down, his gaze moves, until he gives you a nod.

“What?”

“Nothing. Just don’t count on getting hurt while I’m ‘round.”

Hurt? You inspect your hands and arms before looking at your pants next, unable to find even a speck of dust. “I’m not- hey, wait up!”

Following behind Nishinoya became a normal thing for you after that, especially when he took it upon himself to somehow wander off the royal grounds and get caught up with angry commoners. You’d think he’d learn better, but it was almost as if he was out looking for trouble. If you weren’t behind him, you were in front of him trying to clean up his messes. If you weren’t in front of him, you were beside him, making sure he was okay and keeping him company. Year and year went like this until finally, finally, Nishinoya had found something to protect you from.

“Whoa there!” With a tight grip, a sign that he’s maybe unaware of his own strength, Nishinoya pulls you close to him, yanking you off course. By your luck, you don’t find your footing, but that’s okay, maybe that’s what he needed anyway. You can feel the warmth radiating through his thin summer sleeves as his arms wrap around you. “Be careful there, Y/N! You could’ve twisted your ankle or worse.”

You only need to scan the area briefly to see that he’s referring to the sudden dip in the ground, but you highly doubt that would’ve injured you any worse than your heart skipping a beat. Which is exactly what your heart is doing now for a different reason. “Uh, I think I’m okay…”

“You sure?” He sounds a little too disappointed, but he doesn’t let go of you. “I can carry you if you can’t walk.”

At that, you can’t help the laugh that slips through your lips, but you hold in the rest before you can hurt his pride. “Noya, I’m fine,” you insist, pulling out of his hold. “If anything, you look a little red.”

On cue, his cheeks get a little pinker, but he plays it off with his classic, obnoxiously loud laugh and pushes you along. “It’s just hot out!”

“We can go back insi-”

“No, no, no!” Nishinoya keeps pushing you along, that smile burned into his rosy cheeks and eyes creased like he won the lottery. Or like he’s hiding something. “I’d rather stay out here and get some fresh air. Plus, you know the walls talk.”

Of course, you know. They like to do more than talk, but you’ve kept Nishinoya away from that much for as long as you’ve worked for him. Little ventures outside in the garden his step-father owns are the safest place for private talks and moments of freedom. You’d even go so far to say that the royal bedrooms have rats.

“You don’t have to accompany me everywhere, y’know,” he mentions, hands in his pockets as he finally decides to walk alongside you now. “I’m sure I’d be safe out here.”

You nod along. “I know. But with your courting ball coming up, I might as well stick with you in case someone gets any silly ideas.” You definitely meant someone infatuated by him, but with the look on his face, you suspect he assumed you meant him. Considering his track record…

“I’m not gonna run off or something,” he pouts.

“I hope you won’t. I don’t need my job to be any harder,” you joke, but Nishinoya scowls.

“You think I purposely try to make it hard on you?”

“What? No that’s not what I meant…” Uh oh…

While he usually wears his heart on his sleeve and his emotions on his chest, your best friend’s expression is bordering unreadable right now. You two have stopped walking and even the breeze doesn’t interrupt you, leaving the two of you at a standstill. At times like these, you can usually figure him out and soothe the crease between his brows, but you wonder if you’re the cause right now.

“Well, don’t worry about that,” he starts with more assurance and confidence than you’ve ever heard. “I’ll make sure you don’t have to protect me like you did when we were kids.”

You believe him this time, but if that were the case then there’d probably be no use for you in the palace, and something tells you the hole that’d leave in your heart wouldn’t be repairable.

“Right,” you agree with a soft smile, cheeks tight and jaw clenched. If he notices, he doesn’t push for more out of you, and you’re oddly grateful for the small gestures to keep you “out of harm’s way” in the safely confined garden.

And if the garden is meant to be a piece of paradise, the Royal Training Grounds are a piece of hell that rose up out of the magma (shortly after Nishinoya’s mother). Even as an adult, you still have to occasionally train with your mother watching over you, sweat pouring down your temples and limbs numb from following the same sequence over and over. It couldn’t be helped — the new knights needed someone experienced to spar with and you don’t have to accompany Nishinoya when he has royal studies, luckily.

You don’t really know what’s worse, sitting through a boring lesson, having a wooden sword rattle your elbow when the junior knights successfully land a hit, or seeing the Prince waving at you from afar, getting closer and closer in his own sparring clothes.

“Mind if I join you?”

Of course, no one can say no, each of you kneeling before him with the utmost respect despite the surprise visit. Not a moment more and Nishinoya was facing off with you, insistent that you use a real sword because he’s “not afraid of a little butter knife”… Really, it’s the user he should be afraid of, but you didn’t want to burst his bubble.

That came after when you pinned him on his back, your shiny butter knife to his throat and sweat on his brow.

“I went easy on you so you could warm-up,” he lies as you let him stand. Not for long, though, for he’s already swiveling around to dodge your incessant strikes, barely able to keep his footing. Perhaps you should go a little easy on your monarch, but there’s something about the smile that plays on his lips as his tongue peaks through that makes you want to push him just a little harder. Restraint and caution seem to come after the familiar comfort you feel with him, and the smile planted on your face grows with each parry and exchange.

“You know,” Nishinoya sucks in a sharp breath as you narrowly miss his shoulder, “it’s okay if you need to take a break.”

Even in the midst of blocking his next move, you don’t miss the sweat that’s glistening on his brow. “I’ll think about it,” you answer with a coy smirk. A break? Yeah, you’ll give him one.

“Don’t think too ha-” The air jumps from his lungs suddenly, his eyes silly and wide as he stares up at you from the ground, flat on his back once again.

“Time for a break?” With your chest heaving and cheeks warm, you extend a hand to your friend, noting he’s not much better than you, if not a little worse. His cheeks are completely flushed red and his tongue flops uselessly in his mouth as he tries to come up with a response. If you could read his thoughts then would it be something along the lines of his usual quips, you wonder? By the way he grumbles under his breath, you figure so — he’s always been too easy to predict. That straightforward thinking of his is something you’re fond of, even when you tell him he should try being a bit more elusive.

“Elusive?”

Days later, the two of you sit on a blanket he dragged out of some closet, hiding away in the garden together after yet another run-in with some less-than-accepting royal foreigners. At this point, neither of you are surprised — more and more royals from far lands are journeying over to the kingdom for the upcoming ball even if not all of them approve of royalty being “tainted” by commoner blood. This time he leaves without scratches on his skin, but you can’t help but think about his heart too… You can’t stand in front of him and block verbal attacks.

“Yeah. Shouldn’t you make it less obvious that you’re up to something? It’s not good to wear your emotions on your face so blatantly when you’re being watched by so many people.” You pick at the grass, the flowers, your thoughts, his thoughts, and anything else within your reach.

Nishinoya shakes his head. “I’m not that readable. You don’t even have me figured out.”

“I’ve known you since I could walk,” you point out, leaning back on your hands now. Nishinoya, as you expected, snorts a laugh and gives you his full thoughts right there in his chocolate eyes and on that gooey grin.

“And you still don’t know everything about me. Meanwhile, I know everything about you.” He points an accusatory finger in your face and for some reason, you’re nervous about what he has to say next. You don’t have anything to hide… Right? “You have a crush on me, don’t you?”

The laugh that blows through your lips causes a little spittle to fly out, a hand coming up to cover your mouth as you laugh harder. “Did you hit your head when I beat you up the other day?!”

Even though neither of you drastically injured the other, Nishinoya looks at you like you’ve got two heads and he’s battling a concussion. The laughs only grow in amplitude, pushing away his silly question. Knock on wood… because that’s not something you can answer.

A crush is the last thing you have on your employer and best friend. The feelings you have for him have always been fond and that’s exactly why you get to keep this position. There aren’t many others who would stick up for him and his childish antics. And the more you think about it, the more ridiculous his question sounds. Did he mistake your closeness for romance? You’ve done nothing to give him that idea, right? You know all about him for sure: orange is his favorite color, spring is his favorite season, but a crush?

You recount the years with him while he’s thinking in his own world too, each of you remembering each moment the exact same but with one of you a bit more misguided than the other. There was the time you held hands as children until you were told it was inappropriate to continue doing so with adopted royalty. There were the times he’d invite you to his chambers to show you something and you’d lean close like you always did because it felt natural — safe. And the fonder memories were the ones in the village, walking around and seeing familiar faces that would let you two be yourselves in the confines of the diner you two both love. Those were the times that even you let yourself pretend you weren’t his knight and you were just his best friend all over again with your shoulders bumping, cheeks glowing with grins, and hearts racing from a good laugh.

Each memory evokes a familiar response within you — one you’ve always coined as fondness and elated joy when it swells warmly in your chest. As you get lost in them, you don’t hear Nishinoya mutter a “That wasn’t a no” with a smile of his own.

Besides, there are few times you could ever tell him no — not when your heart wants to tell him yes. Be it an amusing question or a short one like “Will you be accompanying me at the ball,” you manage to at least tell him yes to the last question when he asks, even if your chest tingles weirdly. Perhaps it’s a cold…!

A cold, chilling realization that this is his courting ball, and the Prince himself asked you to accompany him.

You could only barely imagine what kind of extravagant and detailed threads would be laced through the expensive fabric on his shoulders, everything glittering and shimmering in some eye-catching way to appeal to the guests and a future wife. It’s cliché for sure, but even you can’t help but wonder with a bit of a smile either because you’re interested or simply curious. There should be no harm in thinking about it, you figured, and maybe the world agreed a little when you received a written order from your commander.

“Attend the ball as a guest — the junior knights you trained with previously will guard. Enjoy.”

Perfect, isn’t it? With luck like that on your side, the days ticked by faster than you could prepare for. The glittering golds and sparkling silvers twinkle in your eyes behind the masquerade mask, something Nishinoya had insisted his guests wear for whatever reason. That makes it easier for you to sneak up on him, of course, but…

“Guests aren’t allowed past this area.”

Good to see they newbies are doing their job right, at least. “And when is the Prince arriving?” You try to sound a bit more refined than usual, even with the uncomfortable strain it puts on your throat and the laughs that nearly burst from your stomach.

“Uh… when he sees fit.”

Who can actually hold back from rolling their eyes at that response? Sure, they’re good at standing guard, but they should know the Royal Family always arrives 35 minutes after their events start. You have to turn away to at least remain polite when you scowl, but someone else catches the exchange from afar, their eyes locked on you as you continue to saunter around aimlessly.

You’re not the first nor the last person to inquire about his arrival — there are always some more than eager fans or money-hungry followers and saboteurs who wish to see him before everyone else and butter him up. They’ll rip into him like savory bread and eat away at his status and riches because he’s an easy target — a royal stand-in who they figure has a commoner’s brain. So when he finally arrives, you don’t rush to his side and show off your status or accolades. Frankly, it's hard to find him once more time passes and more guests swarm to him, especially when the dreaded dancing begins.

No one attends a ball without learning how to dance — it’d be embarrassing to do so — but that doesn’t mean you’re any good at it no matter how much you practiced. The ballroom floor is a beast you never fully conquered and it’s not exactly something you’ve had to protect Prince Nishinoya from, evident by the way he completely jumps in without fear. A smile is burned into his face as he takes the first hand he can reach, stepping and twirling around with them with refined motions while oo’s and ah’s fall from parted lips nearby.

Like a whirlwind of petals, they spin and glide around, the small chit chat amongst them a whisper that ends in a soft decrescendo as another petal finds its way into Nishinoya’s nimble hands. Around and around they go, each flying floral friend a different color than the last until he finds himself wrapped up in a flurry of orange petals — his favorite color.

“You were looking for me earlier, weren’t you?”

“I think everyone was looking for you, Your Majesty,” you quip back in that same voice from before, and somehow he’s fooled. Behind his own mask, you can see the glimmer of entertainment and the gooey grin right beneath it.

“Yeah, but I didn’t expect someone to try to break into the off-limits area,” he retorts, twisting you around yet never losing his grip on your hand or your waist. “So you kinda stuck out like a sore thumb.”

With a scoff you say, “Does that make me special? Am I suddenly allowed back there?”

For once since the never-ending song began, Nishinoya’s cadence falters just a little bit, his grin falling but not fading as your words fill his ears. “Of course not! Only one gal is allowed back there with me.”

Shades of sunset surround you — the citrus orange dress, the golden lock of his hair, and the salmon-pink on his cheeks. Another swell of the music goes by while you consider his words and your own response, your heart picking up its own tempo. “And who might that be? Where is she now?”

The pink bleeds into red. “She’s-… somewhere.”

That’s helpful. “Well, I do hope you find her. I’m sure she’d be thrilled to dance with you.”

“Noooo, no, no,” Nishinoya laughs, his grin once again blooming. “She’s not much of a dancer; she hates this kinda stuff. She’s more into… standing back and making sure everything goes okay and stepping in to save the day.”

“O-oh?” Being a hero to the Prince? That’s a common trait, of course…! “I wonder if she’ll save you from all of this foot-aching dancing,” you bait, but you know. Well, you think you know, but you must be stretching reality.

“I hope so,” he muses aloud, getting caught in his thoughts for a moment. “…Oh, not to say you’re bad company or anything but- y’know-…”

Oh, you know. You really, really, think — hope? — that you know. Is it hope? What if it isn’t me… Why would he mean me in the first place…

“I’ve just known this person for a long time,” he rushes out, “so these kinds of events are fun and dancing is great! But I guess I’m not doing it for the right reasons. Sorry if I got your hopes up. Not very princely of me I guess.” He’s sheepish when he pulls away, the guilt you’re familiar with only obvious to onlookers through the mask due to his habits: hanging his head, rubbing the back of his neck, and lips tucked in. Again, his emotions are right on his sleeve and he doesn’t spare his honesty, but you can’t bring yourself to comment on it like you used to.

Just in time, the song comes to an end and the most you can respond with is the formal curtsey you’d learned over the years. It’s a miracle you had learned even one dance, and you’re beginning to count your lucky stars now — it was the dance that Nishinoya had made you help him learn years ago, but you only managed to perfect it just days before through your own practice.

Still, you have to take a seat and let your feet rest from the achy heels. Years of knight training were much worse but gosh this wasn’t exactly a walk down the aisle. While you may stop and observe, the party doesn’t by far. From petals in the air to bubbles in glasses, you watch Nishinoya have his fun with all the possible She’s… You’ve been his best friend all his life — who else would he have meant? You hope you’re not being selfish to think he meant you, and you can’t unravel why the thought of it being you makes you giddy. It would be easy to say it’s just nice to hear someone talk about you sweetly in third person, but… that’s something you could get anywhere. It shouldn’t make your heart dance from hearing him do it, but maybe… maybe he was right when he said you hadn’t figured him out yet.

You’d play with he-loves-me and tinker with he-loves-me-nots, but the stage was set the second you felt the urge to stand by his side and defend him all those years ago — when that “forever” began. Whether it be a misfortune or not, the answer from plucked flowers wouldn’t change what’s at your core.

Maybe I’m the idiot.

You sigh to yourself, officially needing some fresh air to dilute the haze in your mind. The lights outside shine right through the stained windows, a kaleidoscope of colors melting into your skin as you walk toward the front entrance of the ballroom. Maybe it would be best to just linger on one of the patios, but you have better chances of personal space out in the front yard. That’d be ideal.

And your wish for fresh air is promptly granted when the window you passed bursts open — no, breaks open. Rainbow shards are sent flying and skidding across the waxed floors, crunching down into crystalline dust under multiple pairs of uninvited boots. It doesn’t take a second more for the shrieks to come next, some shrill enough you’re almost worried they’ll break the rest of the windows, but the gruff voices of the intruders is enough of a concern on their own.

“Get the Prince!”

“Take hostages if you have to!”

“Don’t let him get away!”

Your feet move without you having to think, instinct and muscle memory guiding you to do what you’ve been trained to do: protect. Even with your feet complaining and your waist squeezed a little too tight, you barely take a second to lunge toward one of them, fully intending on taking him down.

But it’s a second too long.

Arms wrap around your waist, yanking you off balance and leaving you stunned as your view is obstructed and body pressed against fabric all too expensive for you to be touching.

“Stay behind me,” you’re told, and if you could step on his foot from behind then you so would. It’s Nishinoya — did you expect any less from His Recklessness?

“Wait, but-”

You’re cut off by the charging rampage of men barreling toward you from all sides — some the black-masked enemies and others adorning the familiar helmets of your fellow knights rushing to help. Yet none of them have your heart racing like the young man right in front of you, one arm extended behind him to cage you in while the other… what? For Christ’s sake, he’s weaponless and still throwing himself in front of you with so much confidence you almost believed you were in good hands.

Before he could really be in any trouble, it’s your turn to yank Nishinoya back, letting the knights clash with the intruders while the two of you narrowly make it to the edge of the fray. You’re surprised you don’t twist your ankle in the process, but you’re not surprised by the persistent, grimy hand that twists itself into Nishinoya’s royal attire, desperate to claw its way up in the social ladder and drag him down and out the castle.

“What the-” His Majesty tries to yank away, anger written all over his face that you can tell he was about to unleash, but this time you’re quicker. A blow to the back of the neck and a knee launched firmly into an unprepared stomach is all it takes for his freedom, the unknown man curling over and stumbling back into the next mass of knights headed your way.

“Oh, than-”

“Move,” you command urgently, pulling him aside harsher than intended, but very much needed due to the sheer number of knights rushing over. “Don’t make their jobs any harder.”

Like always, you’re in front of him once more, casting a familiar shadow and in a familiar stance to uphold your number one priority of keeping him safe. And like the Nishinoya you know and are extremely, unfathomably “fond” of, he speaks out his thoughts directly, even when they’re out of place.

“Y’know, I gotta admit, you really remind me of someone!” he shouts over the commotion right into your ear, and this time you don’t get to roll your eyes as you attempt to put some distance between the two of you and the bustle of trouble brewing on the dance floor.

Unlike the previous dance of agony, there’s no music to melt away numbing pain, but at least the tango doesn’t last long. Sure, you want to throw in little critiques to the junior knights nearest to you — the could haves and the should haves that you know you’ll keep to yourself but bring up next time you help them train — but there’s a time and place for you to play civilian and play knight. And they do a good job of ushering all the guests away from the center of danger, yourself included. Sigh.

“That was so terrifying. I thought I was going to get snatched.”

“Is His Majesty okay?”

“I don’t see him…”

Alarms go off in your head as you scan the crowds for the familiar head of boldly styled hair. He wouldn’t have gotten caught, would he? You didn’t take your eye off him the whole time, so how?

That familiar pace is back in your chest as some police and knights take the culprits outside, finally allowing the guests to walk around freely again within the room. It couldn’t have been worse — letting everyone go at once meant theatrics and cries with the harsh start of the music out of time like a circus tune, but your prince is nowhere to be seen.

“Maybe he was rushed off to his chambers.”

“I think I saw him go back into the restricted area.”

“Are you sure he didn’t go outside?”

Outside. You just need to make sure he’s there — nothing more. You can keep your wits about you as long as you know nothing bad happened to him. As impulsive as he is, you doubt he’d be so careless to jump into trouble twice in a row… Maybe thrice…

“Guests aren’t allowed outside.”

You’re stopped at the doors, glass crunching under your heels while a maid is desperately trying to sweep up around you.

“I just need to check something,” you reason.

The knights don’t budge. “Guests aren’t allowed outside. Once the criminals are off the property then we have orders to lift restrictions.”

“What’s it gonna take for a girl to get some air around here?!” You lift the mask up to your forehead, glaring right through knights’ armor as realization roots into their features. They stand up straighter and instantly clear the way for you. Finally… you were really starting to regret your day off.

The night air is brisk on your face, inviting you to let the mask down once more to shield yourself from even a little bit of the winds, but you push forward without it just to embrace the temperature difference a little longer. And once you round the corner and make your way into the garden then the trees should be enough cover. Not just from the chill, but from the prying eyes.

If all you’re doing is checking up on him then there’s no need for the nervousness you’re feeling. The need to reason and rationalize your actions gnaws away at one part of you while the other part just wants you to embrace it. An internal battle that you may never win, but they always say to lose the battle and win the war. If you were to let your feelings run their course then would that be so bad? It’s risky given your position in the kingdom, but maybe you’re content with just having a crush and nothing coming from it. At least you can be honest with yourself about it.

That honesty is the most refreshing breath of air you’ve had all night, your chest and shoulders lifting as you do your best to hurry toward the garden. You may not have it all figured out, but you’ll be happy as long as you don’t pretend these feelings don’t exist. It seems they came out of nowhere, but they’ve been there all along while your eyes were too occupied watching him. And when all you see is him, you wouldn’t want anyone else.

“Hey, you’re not supposed to be out here.”

Again?! You turn with your irritation rising but feel the blood descend your face and your heart drop into your stomach. It’s your turn to stand up straighter now. “Commander.”

Her timing couldn’t be more inconvenient. “Why aren’t you at the ball?”

“I was looking for His Majesty,” you answer, almost robotically like you’re delivering a report. It’s muscle memory — if you get it out fast enough then you can leave.

“Look for him at the ball. Unless you want to be working? I didn’t give you tonight off for you to snoop around.”

The amount of self-restraint you have is amazing — no whining, no eye-rolling, and no groaning no matter how much your instincts would have you do with anyone else. “I’ll get back there then.”

It seems you’ve lost the battle before you could even start, and at this rate, you’ll lose the war too. Your commander accompanies you as you walk back to the ball with heavy feet and a deflated back, your mask once again secured on properly and hiding your disappointment just enough. You don’t bother to hide the frown that tugs on your face as you sip your fruity drink, nor do you hold in your sighs.

To be or not to be?

Someone’s getting carried away with their dances, but they aren’t the person you’re searching for.

To be or not to be?

The fire-breather is here. Is Nishinoya here to see him too?

To be or not to be?

When did you become such a lovesick puppy?

A groan leaves you, one of many to follow as the night seems to drag on. You thought it would get better, especially when Nishinoya finally made an appearance again, but there was no time to exchange words with him. If you don’t do it tonight then the atmosphere with him will undoubtedly feel awkward later. You know things you shouldn’t, feel things you shouldn’t, but both of them fit together so perfectly that you can’t help yourself. If you can tell him tonight while you’re still dressed up then it can be like someone else said it. You can tuck this memory away with the dress and the mask later, but you can’t hide it if you admit to your feelings as the Y/N he always knew. For once, there’s something even you can be a coward about.

And for the first time in days, your luck finally runs out. As if the clock struck midnight and the magic wore off, the ball ended without the happy ending you wanted and the guests all filtered out with smiles and some with darkened cheeks or jelly legs. Your own legs ached, but it was quickly dulled once you put on something more comfortable: the casual wear of Y/N, Prince Nishinoya’s personal royal knight.

Not to be.

What were once light and lifted shoulders hang low, if only just for tonight. You know you don’t have the luxury to mope around tomorrow — not when things are back to normal again and you’re expected to play your role as the loyal, valiant knight you’ve always been. The more you think about it as you walk through the castle corridors, the more you can mentally prepare yourself. Even if this means going back to your own room and laying in silence with a book to distract you from your frustrations. Anything, literally anything, could be better than right now.

“Y/N?” Hearing your name, hearing his voice, you stop in your tracks while your heart races on. “There you are! I didn’t see you all night, but I guess you were pretty busy with that random ambush, right?”

You speak up using the voice you both know, brushing off his comment with a small huff of a laugh. It’s a familiar notion that offers you a bit of solace to go back to how things were — how they should be. “You could say that. I know you were jumping right in too.”

Immediately, he’s Noya — hands on his hips and his own casual nightwear catching the candlelight and his physique while his damp hair frames his face naturally. He looks at you like you’re kids again and you’ve spilled his secrets, and in a sense you have. “Hey now, I did some pretty heroic things back there. Don’t go ratting me out right here!”

If you hadn’t known him, you wouldn’t have caught on, but the meaning behind his words is clear enough: talking in the halls isn’t the smartest choice. Back to the garden, where your cold realizations and fresh air can either haunt you or free you.

Side by side, the two of you follow the memorized path through the hydrangeas lines with hibiscuses. They’re an odd mix for sure — Noya pointed that out to you at first — but they’re a mix he said his step-father and mother picked out, and thus something that he likes to look at. That specific part of the garden is a symbol of their love, and a reminder to persevere even when life is stormy. Even now, with the golden lamps and the silver moon as the only sources of light, his eyes soak in the floral surroundings like it’s the first time all over again. Somehow you feel like you’re reliving a memory with him just by being here, one that’s making his lips curl just the slightest before he speaks up.

“I saved you a dance.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“I did too!” He looks at you now, glowering even though he doesn’t mean it. His eyes lack any maliciousness, the shine in them too pure and playful, especially when his trademark grin is back. “I even practiced so you wouldn’t cry over stepping on my feet.”

If only he knew you did the exact same. “Ha. Ha. How considerate, Noya. I bet that was easier than sparring, right?” You playfully nudge his arm and he returns the gesture.

“I saved someone today too!” He lights up for a second, interjecting the banter with genuine pride. “I pulled her out of danger when those bad guys rushed in. You saw, didn’t you?”

“Hmm…” you tap your chin in thought, catching how his features falter slightly. “Yeah, of course, I saw. Don’t get too sad on me now!”

“Tch, be nice! It’s not easy being the hero, y’know.” Suddenly, Nishinoya’s footsteps come to a halt, his hand rubbing the back of his neck and eyes cast away from you. You know he has something to say, and maybe you know what or you’re foolishly hoping for a sudden storybook confession, but…

“It… makes me realize how hard you work.”

To be?

“And I don’t want to take that away from you. Your job, I mean. I’m the Prince you’re supposed to be protecting and nothing more.”

Not to be…

“That’s not true,” you mumble, the words not having your confidence from earlier. “You mean more to me than that.”

His arm flexes as he squeezes and massages the back of his neck, working away at his nerves and the knots that hold him back. “I believe you, trust me. I’m not dense.”

Debatable but… he knows? Does he know? Was I really the oblivious one here? You bite your lip, anxiously awaiting his next words.

“I know you’re devoted to your position as a knight and I just wanted to… wanted to say…” With a deep breath and a tug at the crown of his hair… “Iwon’tgetinthewayofyourjobanymorebecauseIreallycareaboutyou.”

If the wind had blown any harder — no, if the wind had blown at all then you wouldn’t have caught his quiet words. But you do, and they drive you up a wall and to the breaking point you hadn’t realized you were reaching. All those years spent beside him… you were so preoccupied basking in the sun with him that you hadn’t realized your feelings blossomed in the shade until they burst into a garden.

“What happened to being the ‘gal allowed in the off-limits area?’ Are you saying that’s just because of my job or something too!?”

Of all things to blurt out, you have no idea why it was that. The off-limits area means nothing to you, really, but the mere mention of it means a whole lot more now. Nishinoya’s eyes are staring right into yours now, wide like the moon in surprise and waiting for more like a starved wolf. You’ll be damned before you say more. But if you do then will you get what you wanted? Is this a good idea?!

“Uh…” His mouth opens and closes, needing more time to sew his thought together but you can’t wait any longer.

From your pocket, you pull out the mask and the hair barrettes, fingers clutched tightly around them because if you hold them any looser then he’d see your hands trembling. The clarity that crosses his features is slow to grow in, not sprouting until you have the mask up to your face and the barrettes hovered over the position they once were. He’s not dense, he’s dense and slow, and you’re having trouble keeping your breathing in check as you wait for him to start speaking.

To be or n-

Horror cascades his face, swallowing him up in a shadow of guilt mixed with panic and his hands gripping your shoulders with a sudden shake. “I WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU!”

“W-what?!”

“PLEASE DON’T GET THE WRONG IDEA!!!”

Is it your brain rattling in your skull from the jarring motions he’s moving you in or is it your head banging into your hands? What is he even saying? You can barely make out that all the color has risen to his face — each feature blooming in red.

“Noya, what are you-”

“W-when I told you I wasn’t interested in you!!” He takes a gulp of air now, finally freezing and just holding onto you so tight you might crumble. “I-… I meant that I wasn’t interested in you because I was- I am- interested in you. This you! Well, both you’s, but I didn’t know you were you and I didn’t want anyone to get attached because I was saving a dance so I could tell… you. And then I… did tell you?”

He really pauses now, hands moving to his damp locks and tugging as if that’ll pull the knowledge right out for you both. You know what he’s saying, but the loop-de-loops getting there are making your head spin almost as much as his. And his is spinning-spinning, that silly look plastered across his face while he sorts through his frustrations.

“I… I confessed to you back then, didn’t I? Technically?”

“I-I think so?” You want to say you can’t be sure now, but…

“At the same time that I told you I wasn’t interested in you.”

“Yeah…”

“UGGGHHHHH! Man!” He falls to the ground, landing flat on his butt and holding his jumbled up head in his hands. “I really did it now, huh?”

The nerves are kicking in again, but only as a soft buzz. At least you’re not the only frazzled one here as you sit beside him in the grass. “I think it’s okay, though. You didn’t know it was me, so technically you didn’t reject me.”

You don’t even have to look at him to know that it’s still eating away at his conscious, his poor brain working in overdrive to find a solution the doesn’t need. “I-… I can’t believe I did that. I do like you… A lot. And I was trying to find out if you liked me too so I lied about you having a crush on me before. But I don’t want to get in the way. I don’t like giving you a hard time.”

“That’s still sticking with you?” You scowl and he meekly nods. “I told you I was only joking. I won’t say it anymore if it bothers you this much. I just liked teasing you but I love what I do and I’d do anything you asked.”

“I know… That’s kinda the worse part. I know you’d do anything for me and I don’t deserve you.” He can’t seem to look you in the eye, keeping his head hanging through his somber confession.

“I don’t think I’d do anything,” you reply, trying to lighten the mood just a little. “But… I think the roles are reversed. I don’t deserve you who makes me challenge myself and open up.”

When he peaks up at you through his hair, you can see the ends of a burnt sunset on his cheeks fading away. “You’re saying that as my knight.”

“I’m saying that as the girl who can’t dance but learned how to just for you.”

His bottom lip trembles — you swear you saw it just a little — and then he takes your hand in his, wrapping them together and sharing the warmth despite the cool night enveloping you both. There are no crickets, no frogs, just the lights and the dragonflies lingering around the open spaces you don’t occupy. And with how close the two of you are, there’s more than enough open space for the pairs of dragonflies to take flight and the single ones to find each other.

“Does that mean you do have a crush on me?”

“I thought you said you weren’t dense,” you shoot back.

“I’m not,” he urges. “…But if you say you do then you should prove it.”

Oh no… You feel yourself growing warm in embarrassment, not at all wanting to fill in the blanks for what that could possibly mean. A kiss? A long-winded confession? A sacrifice? All you can think of is how you’re just lucky enough to be in the garden for whatever may come — you don’t want an audience for this. When you danced together and people watched, you were hidden just enough from everyone. But here and now it’s just the two of you and you’ve never felt more insecure around him before.

“How?”

He squeezes your hand reassuringly. “Marry me.”

What now…?

You don’t hide the gasp you let out, your gaze drilling holes into him and unmoving. Like a deer in headlights now, you’re completely at a loss with your ribcage nothing more than a sandbag for your racing heart.

Marriage? Were you that naïve to go to his courting ball without considering the fact that counting leads to marriage? At the same time that it sounds like the obvious procedure, you have more doubts than you’d like to admit. No amount of gulping will assuage the dry itch in your throat and the spit you choked on. And no matter how many times you repeat the words in your head, they’re only ricocheting off the inside of your skull without any sort of understanding.

“I’m joking, I’m joking. We aren’t ready for that.” Noya holds up his hands in innocence, but you see the mischief in his eyes and across his face. If it was payback for your own teasing then he definitely won, but it doesn’t seem fair to kill the competition with untimely jokes and cute smiles, anyway.

“I mean, I could tell everyone you were eager but not ready. Or maybe the other way ar- ow! Okay, no more jokes, I’m sorry!”

“Pretty soon I won’t have anything I want to prove to you,” you chide in a melody, squeezing his hand extra hard once more for good measure. “Hurry up and say what you want so I can pretend this didn’t happen and pretend we did it in a much cooler way.”

“I’d say we did it-”

“Noya.”

He sighs shakily but you see him fall into the cool and collected canvas of the Prince. Perfect for the throne, extraordinary at politics, and certainly a wonderful candidate for a honeysuckle sweet kiss from the girl he’s fallen for.

It probably wasn’t fair for you to lean in while he was gathering his thoughts, but something was pulling you in without regard for your better judgment. Or more accurately, some part of you was pushing yourself toward him, compelling you forward to close the gap inch by inch even as he started speaking again.

“Maybe just kiss me for now, if that’s okay?” He suddenly whispers the words, eyes darting down to your lips with his own instincts pushing him forward as well.

“Anything else, Noya?” You’re one breath away, maybe even a hum away from sealing your lips together, your warmth mixing with his and the grass staining the knees of your pants but you don’t care. You want your lips stained with the feeling of his and your mind stained with the memory until you can replace it with another kiss. The surge of confidence feels like it’s back, but it’s mellower — smooth like satin and wrapping you up until you can pinpoint that you’re just comfortable. Of course, you would be. If not with him, then who else?

His soft fingers meet the side of your neck with his thumb gliding back and forth on your jaw. “And then whatever you want.”

What you want next is the last thing on your mind. The first is melodies, like the music from the ball or the songs you sang growing up, all harmonizing on your senses when your lips meet his for the first time. It’s not frantic — the wind barely sways through the hibiscus leaves and you lean closer as if nudged by Zephryos — nor is it greedy — it ends as fast as it started. But the tingles it leaves across your lips feel like tiny thorn pricks, aching for the pressure to alleviate you once more, and he’s more than happy to oblige.

You let your hands rest on his shoulders with ease, his own cupping your face with featherlight touches as his lips dance with yours in perfect time. This was what you were dearly missing out on, you realize. It dawns on you with a warmth in your chest you know and associate with your longterm friend, like your souls are twirling around that room again except without watchful eyes. Now the medley is one only the two of you could create together, ending with staccato kisses and smiles sprouting on your faces with your foreheads planted against the other.

“Just a crush?” he whispers, searching your eyes for the answer he already has.

“Do you want it to be something more?” You can’t help yourself from brushing your nose against his softly, trying to convey your feelings without him making you say it.

He inhales through his teeth in a thoughtful hiss. “…Yes?”

“Then marry me.”

To be.

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[angeltrapz]

oosdkk dude im sorry ur mood dropped too.. i hope u feel better soon <3 but like i wld love 2 hear more abt ur thoughts on Art in general bc Boy Is He Interesting, and also a lil more abt Daniel coming out as nonbinary to his dad (whether he knows Eric is trans or not at that moment skjdfhdskf)! + if ur feelin it just more abt Mallick in general ESP cuz we agree that Brit doesn't make it thru V

djhfjdks thank u sm <3

okay Art first. I genuinely wonder abt him so much, something in specific I think abt is that aside frm Amanda (+ Eric, obviously, but talkin abt disciples) Art is one of the only trap victims EVER 2 be tested twice and it’s like... what’s that abt? Why? as u’ve said b4 it rly depends on how you personally view his character: whether he’s a disciple or not. fr me, both options are equally plausible, n honestly I don’t rly confine myself to either; it sorta depends on what I’m feeling/writing. if we’re talking abt art being a disciple, then the Spinecutter not going off (one of my BIGGEST questions) makes total sense, as Hoffman’s side of the trap was never set up to work either, + Jigsaw disciples have a history (aside from Lawrence) of appearing as victims in other tests/traps. if he were not just another pawn and was in fact a disciple himself, then the Spinecutter was never meant to go off - it was there just to make Eric think it COULD go off/make it look convincing to outsiders. which brings me to ANOTHER question: what does Art know abt Eric? does he know anything? what does he think of Eric?

(lil side note: if Art is a disciple, then I kinda wonder if it’s a lil bit of a Hoffman + Lawrence situation where Hoffman didn’t know abt Art either? just bc he looks so shocked when he sees Art’s face fully fr the first time... that could’ve just been acting on Hoffman’s part but IDK. food fr thought)

personally, I feel like Art probably does know a lil bit abt Eric - at the very least, he’d know tht Eric had been previously tested + failed by John’s rules, but then I feel that he wld also know Eric didn’t rly have a chance in his second test. that is why Art trying so fucking hard to keep Eric alive is interesting 2 me: what is his motivation 2 do that? like he’s been told Eric’s basically just there to get Rigg to participate, he doesn’t have any personal obligation or anything like that. sure, the aim is to keep Eric alive + see if Rigg can pass his “test,” but nobody said anything about grabbing a man you barely know around his ankles to keep him frm hanging himself w a noose made of chains. nobody said anything abt speaking to him so softly, not even raising your voice beyond saying “hey,” and asking him do you understand? when you tell him to keep still and prevent him frm killing his counterpart (which, if Art is a disciple, he knows it won’t, but he still speaks to Eric so softly, so compassionately, doesn’t he?)

nobody said anything abt grabbing him around the waist and steadying him again after being punched by said man. but Art does that. he stabilizes Eric’s feet on the ice as best he can and he keeps his hips straight and he basically says “look, we’re all stuck here, you need to keep it together ‘til that clock counts down if you want us to live, but I’m giving you a choice,” and he presses the gun w the single bullet into Eric’s hands and tells him it’s up to him. nobody said Art had to care but he does, I think, and it’s just like. he really didn’t have to keep Eric alive over the course of Rigg’s test. he didn’t. but he did and I just,, where does it come from? why does he care? this is even going beyond the fact that we’ve talked abt them being together after their test in a scenario where they both survive - I just think that Art at his core is a very stubborn but very compassionate person, whether he wants 2 be or not. like he HAS to know that kind of involvement cld prove to be extremely detrimental but he cares. I feel like that says a lot abt him (even if he does call Eric an asshole a couple times while doing it,,).

plus I also just. I think his reason for being tested (as it seems to be in most cases) is extremely flimsy. he was doing his job. he’s a LAWYER. often times it has nothing 2 do w personal feelings; they’re there to do their job and sometimes, unfortunately, that is defending possibly reprehensible people (in cases like Rex’s & Ivan’s). + John was already upset w him regarding their argument abt the urban renewal group so like it just feels So Very Petty, y’know?? even in the scenario where he IS a disciple, testing him twice seems entirely like John having a personal vendetta against him. Amanda is the only other person to be tested twice aside from Eric, so like. what. is that abt Mr. Kramer.

like I’ve said b4 in dms one could argue that Art is grey morally, bc we never rly see anything of him outside of flashbacks + acting as a test controller in IV, esp given that he... rly doesn’t seem too bothered abt it all? which is fair. but I also feel like the concern he shows towards Eric is smth to be considered as well.

-

+ YESS NONBINARY DANIEL I know I’ve mentioned it b4 but for reference, I read Daniel as masc nonbinary (he/they)! so I feel like Daniel wld b pretty comfortable w his identity, he’s never rly had a reason not to be (it’s rly anyone’s guess here tho bc we never see Eric + Daniel + Kate... as a family unit, for obvious reasons), so I feel like he’s vry chill abt it? and in the scenario where Eric survives n is dating Adam, I feel like Daniel wld talk 2 him abt it first (Adam is an adult they quickly come to trust + he’s vocal abt being trans himself so there’s that added layer of understanding - other than his mom maybe Adam might b the first person they come out 2). they’re just kinda like “so I wanna tell my dad I’m nonbinary but like I’ve literally never thought abt coming out what do I do” and Adam’s just like. Aha. bc he knows Eric is Also Trans so like, he doesn’t tell Daniel that bc it’s not his info to share, but he’s definitely like “oh it’ll totally be fine. trust me you have no reason to worry” so Daniel’s just like Okay. I Got This

+ I know I mentioned this in dms but Daniel wld absolutely wear those floral ripped hem skirts over jeans, so I feel like on one of his visits to his dad’s, he just. wears that combined w a completely random niche graphic tee he bought when shopping w Adam (I adore this hc n I am Holding Onto It) n is just like. not super open abt it bc he doesn’t know what to expect? he just kinda waits fr Eric to comment on it but when he doesn’t, Daniel gets nervous n is like “do I look okay?” and Eric’s rly chill abt it, like “yeah! it looks vry cool, vry alternative.” n like Daniel is relieved, of course, but also he’s just like God Pls Say Something so he just comes out w it like “okay this is not working. I’m nonbinary.”

and he’s COMPLETELY SHOCKED when Eric is just like “oh why didn’t u say so? do u have a different name u wanna go by? is Daniel still okay?” bc he wasn’t sure how much Eric knew, so he’s just like “uh no Daniel is still good, he/they pronouns though” and Eric’s just like alright cool but internally Daniel’s just like ??????

n THAT is when Eric asks him 2 come sit out on th front steps w him n is just like. “I don’t think I ever told u this but I’m trans. I transitioned during training in my early 20s” n Daniel is nodding while internally he’s like Adam I’m gonna throttle u. he worked himself up fr NOTHING. he just kinda laughs abt it and Eric is like “are u good?” ‘cause he’s a lil worried but then Daniel just smiles and is like “yeah I’m fine! just realizing I had nothing 2 be worried abt” and it’s a rly good moment fr them. they sit out there together talking abt their experiences for quite a while n at some point Adam steps outside 2 find them deep in conversation + he just smiles n goes back inside bc he cares abt them both so much and seeing them talk like that makes him so 💞💞 (Eric is SO PROUD u can see it on his face)

-

ohhh gosh Mallick,,, I spend a lot of time thinking abt him actually. he’s just one of those characters I feel vry connected to (me 🤝 Mallick: Ambiguous Disorder 💕) n one I got surprisingly attached to? hello (he IS one of my f/os)

I feel like Mallick is a very lonely person at his core. the way he sort of clings to Brit (w out the whole like. adrenaline of being in very very real danger w ppl trying to kill u SEVERAL TIMES) somewhat confirms this fr me. this is someone who has no reason to look out fr him, no reason to keep protecting him when their fellow captives hit him over th head w a club or attempt to push him into a bathtub to ELECTROCUTE him, but she keeps doing it and he’s just. in awe of it a little bit? ‘cause she could just let Charles knock him tf out or let Luba push him in but she fights for him, some1 she has no obligation to n met fr the first time literally when they woke up.

the moment they share b4 they stick their arms into the saws to activate the 10 Pints of Sacrifice is so very vulnerable and maybe even a little tender. yes he calls her a monster, yes she calls him one back, neither of them deny it. it’s an admission and an acceptance. they’re monsters, sure, fine, okay. but they are monsters and they are in this together. Brit tells Mallick it’s okay when he says he can’t do this alone. she says okay, okay, it’s okay, we’ll go together. and they help each other secure their tourniquets and they stick their hands in together bc it’s the two of them, literally hand in hand, fighting for their lives n for each other n they’re in so so much pain but they are doing it TOGETHER. I lose it thinking abt it!!! they even have a head bonk moment!!! I very much feel like it has some cinematic parallels to Adam & Lawrence’s moment in SAW 2004!!!!

+ as u mentioned, we both share the thought that Brit likely died since she wasn’t present at Bobby’s meetings, and. I want to touch on how fucking despondent and lost Mallick looks when we see him again in 3D. lights on but no one’s home. I feel like for Mallick, losing Brit was losing the first chance at a real connection he’s had in god knows how long - and for him, that’s just very shattering. he’s been thru hell, he’s watched three people die right in front of him, he sawed his ARM IN HALF, n the person he went through all of that with didn’t make it. but he did. and I feel like for Mallick that’s just like... he doesn’t understand it. but he feels even lonelier than he ever has b4 because the One Person who was there w him thru it all, the one person who could ever possibly understand what happened that night, is gone.

the Mallick we see in V would NEVER sit down n willingly listen to Bobby Dagen’s bullshit abt loving yr scars n taking pride in the fact u survived. he wld hate that man with a passion n I am very much sure of this. the fact that he’s sitting in that chair looking numb and glassy-eyed and silent? Mallick is trying to find some1 to connect to, find a place where maybe he belongs. trying to fill that hole that losing Brit made. why else wld he be sitting there, listening to someone he would ordinarily tell to shove his self-love bullshit up his ass? he’s lost. he’s just trying to keep his head above water and find a way to shore even though everything in him is fighting not to. he’s adrift without her.

+ ALTERNATIVELY, bc the reality of that is just. crushing n maybe not where I needed 2 go, in the scenario where Brit survived + just doesn’t want to put up w Bobby’s bullshit, I imagine them to actually move in together after a lil bit of time getting 2 know each other better w out the pressure of “oh god we’re gonna die.” she kinda helps him build up a sense of self-worth bc GOD it’s practically non-existent n thinking abt possible reasons why makes me sad. she’s definitely just like “no, you do deserve to be cared for and you deserve help when you need it, you deserve good things n to be happy.” she just kinds shuts it down while still making sure to talk 2 him abt WHY he feels that way (she’s not dismissing, but she’s trying to nip it in th bud) n Mallick is just like. huh. bc no one’s really done that fr him before. but it rly does end up helping in the long run, even if it is a very slow pace toward actually getting 2 a place where he recognizes his own worth + realizes he deserves all the things he wants Brit 2 have too. they’re there for each other thru thick n thin and if they made it thru their game, they can make it thru anything.

#saw #art #daniel #eric #adam #mallick #brit #thank u so much I rly appreciated this #n it helped me get my mind off things a little #I'm rly glad my ask helped u too!!! mutual support hours #long post #thoughts separated by dashes bc I had Way More than I thought I did oops #asks

[iwilltranscend]

hi hi i dont think i have ever seen any of ur playlists (besides the taz ones, i think) but this is ur permission to go wild about any of them and explain the song choices!!! i wanna know!!!! -ise

ohhhh ise I feel like you might regret asking this /lh

gonna pop this under a read more because I'm about to go buckwild

so vapor actually has two playlists because she's my specialist princess but her main one is most dear to me even if it's just a mishmash of shit (she got a second playlist because she was gifted a boon of luck and my DM's description/reasoning for it made me cry)

some of these were actually based on specific questions asked by my DM! so like, dirty town is meant to represent her childhood (because well, she couldn't stand living in the town she was raised in!) while saint bernard represents a particular struggle in her life (since i decided to make vapor v untrusting of the gods since she feels they gave her a shit plot in life)

feel better is representative of her feeling as though nothing's ever going to fix the hurt from her upbringing

a lot of songs on there are just there to represent her cutting herself off from her old self (brand new city, run boy run, come over (again) [this is more abstract but alas]) and still feeling all the hurt even so many years later (be nice to me, class of 2013, ghosting, never quite free, miss missing you)

and then we do get some moments of begrudging optimism and perseverance brought on by allowing other people [the party] into her life (gotta get up, the dying song, perpetual motion machine, this year, hand me my shovel im going in)

BUT we do still get these moments of rage and loneliness and insecurity that never quite leave for one reason or another (jet fuel can't melt steel beams, born2run, renegade, american healthcare, sweet hibiscus tea, i am alone)

also special little speed run for the playlist i made for vitality springs, my motw campaign !

most of these are just vibe based, like trying to set the specific vibe of the town (bottom of the river, it will come back, the johnny cash cover of personal jesus, as the sun beat down, bad things, arkansas summer) but some are there to either be literal in foreshadowing monsters or to give hints as to where the monsters could be found (lake effect kid, cabinet man, the wind and rain, lovecraft in brooklyn, in the woods somewhere) and while each PC also has their own playlist , i did want to add songs that kinda give the vibe/backstory of each pc in there (eighth wonder for jade, i don't want to set the world on fire for blanche, the chain for dani, freakin' out on the interstate for chester)

#this was. obnoxiously long lskdfjsldfj #also i have made one for clemency but it's just religious trauma + still having faith + undying optimism #but thank you for indulging me ise !! #[and also anyone who did read all this <3] #rip (reeses in pieces) #vapor #vitality springs #asks #🧸

[artificialqueens]

I Can Feel it Through the Screen, Chapter 1 (Branjie) - Kiyo

A/N: first time writing Branjie so, seeking criticism xD. This is a Lesbian AU. And hopefully I'll have chapter 2 done quick if you like it.

////////

tick...tock...tick...tock

The clock hung on the wall kept ticking, each of them sounding longer than the other whilst Brooke Lynn mindlessly walked around her living room whilst the tv played some late night show presented by another old white dude. Sighing deeply, she finally sat on her couch.

Brooke could already feel herself slowly falling asleep when she sunk into the cushions. The seconds passed by, the TV finally turning off on it's own due to the lack of interaction, finally her apartment was completely silent, nothing but her own breathing could be heard yet she found it hard to relax and fall asleep.

Not that she tried to relax or was able to, Brooke was hyper fixated on everything in the darkly lit room, she couldn't stop herself. The only source of light being the moon shinning through her open window, the curtains floating slightly by the cold breeze entering, sending slight chills down the blonde's spine...

Brooke finally layed down, her head resting on her firm couch pillow, already hurting her neck. Once again, Brooke managed to find something wrong and it stressed her out. "Ugh.." She groaned, sitting up again, her eyes barely able to stay open as she reached for her phone that was promptly set upside down on the glass table placed infront of the couch.

She switched her phone on, slightly blinded by the light coming from it, rubbing her eye's with her free hand before proceeding to unlock it, typing the very original password '100386'.

And too Brooke's expectations, she'd received no texts, which was the only releaving thing she'd seen tonight. Not having to deal with anybody, as of right now was truly a blessing, that was until she opened instagram, seeing '16 DMs' at the top right corner of her screen, sighing, not knowing why she hadn't expected this, clicking on the little paper plane icon, seeing that 6 of those messages where from Yvie. '45 minutes ago', moment's like these, Brooke Lynn realized that muting instagram notifications wasn't exactly the smartest choice.

'Well, great.' Brooke Lynn thought to herself, sighing before beginning to read them.

-

Yvie Oddly: Brooke, do you still have those rings you showed me?

Yvie Oddly: Damn, you must be sleeping.

Yvie Oddly: nevermind about the rings, I found soething

Yvie Oddly: ****something

Yvie Oddly: I suck at typing

Yvie Oddly: Tell Vanessa I'm too busy to come over tomorrow, thanks, sry to bother u lmao

-

Right, Vanessa had planned this little party with a few of her friends, calling it 'Vanjie night', Brooke wasn't invited to it because it was suppose to be just Vanjie and her friends, and apparently the reason Brooke couldn't come was that they didn't want Branjie to be acting all cuddly and lovey dovey if they we're to come over. Brooke found it stupid, really, but she didn't protest, it wasn't that deep anyway, not that she wanted to go to thay stupid hang out party anyway.

-

Brooke Lynn Hytes: Sure, I'll tell her.

-

Brooke replied before throwing her phone at the other side of the couch before realizing she probably needed to text Vanessa now. Great- with a loud huff accompanying the action, Brooke reached for her phone again. Unlocking it and going back on Instagram. Seeing Vanessa was online, thank god, she wouldn't need to wait forever for her to respond.

-

Brooke Lynn Hytes: Hey, Yvie said she'd be too busy to go to your little party.

VANESSA VANJIE MATEO: Oh, aight, she could've just texted me instead of bothering you, sorry boo <3, anyways, how u doing? I didn't get my usual hearts accompanying yo texts, u actin weird blondie

Brooke Lynn Hytes: Sorry, just a little tired, I forgot to put them. 💞💘💖💗

VANESSA VANJIE MATEO: I feel your negativity through my screen, whats up? I know this is not some tired story bullshit

Brooke Lynn Hytes: im just stressed, dont worry about it.

VANESSA VANJIE MATEO: wait... since when do u put ponctuations on ur texts- call me rn

Brooke Lynn Hytes: babe, im tired.

VANESSA VANJIE MATEO: And im worried, call me.

-

Brooke ran her fingers through her hair, sighing, already feeling her stress getting worse as now she needed to call Vanessa, she was well aware that her girlfriend was only worried about her but it still freaked her out, why did she have to be stupid? She could've just put the damn hearts and said nothing more but knowing Vanessa, she would've still known Brooke was out of it, she always knew.

-

Incoming video chat from VANESSA VANJIE MATEO

Brooke answered, looking at the screen with a tired expression, seeing Vanessa laying in bed, most likely the lamp on her bed side table providing the little amount of light shinning on her tanned features. "Hey." Brooke Lynn smiled weakly, standing up to walk next to her window, getting some of the moonshine onto her, trying to be bare visibly.

"Hey, twinkle toes." Vanjie giggled, squinting her eyes to try and see Brooke a little better. "I can barely see you, turn on a light or something."

"The light hurts my eyes, I've been trying to sleep for the past hour." Brooke replied in a slightly annoyed tone.

"Could've said that without the attitude but aight." Vanessa replied jokingly, hearing Brooke sigh. "Oh, you're stressed, stressed." She remarked, pursing her lips together and trying to think quickly of something to say but Brooke Lynn unexpectedly spoke up.

"I don't know, everything is stressing me out right now, even the dumbest things like my pillow's firmness." Brooke explained, earning another look of concern from her partner. "I just wanna sleep but I can't, like, the couch is uncomfortable but I don't want to sleep in my bed for some reason." Brooke didn't know why she felt like this sometimes. There we're moment where there we're strange things she suddenly couldn't do for a certain amount of time or else she'd get stressed.

"You're having one of those stress episodes again? You really need to go to a therapist boo, seriously, thats not normal." Vanessa pointed out but that didn't seem to help Brooke right now. "What if I came by and picked you up so you can sleep over at mines tonight? Would you like that?" She asked and Brooke stayed silent.

"I have mushy pillows, they're so soft, I know you love em." She giggled, getting a little reaction from Brooke, that sweet smile Vanessa loved to see. "Sure, pick me up." Brooke chuckled, walking over to the light switch, turning on the light so Vanessa could finally see her clearly.

"You look so pretty~" Vanessa smiled, sitting up in her bed. "I just wanna kiss you." She said. "You can kiss me later." Brooke replied, getting a knowing glance from her girlfriend, making Brooke laugh. "You need to make thay face again just so I can screenshot it and make it your profile picture in my phone." Brooke cackled, making Vanjie break out into laughter as well.

"When you're here, you can take a picture, it'll be prettier than a screenshot. Anyhow, I'm gonna put some pants on and come pick you up." Vanjie said. "Alright, baby, see you later." Brooke Lynn blew a kiss and winked before hanging up.

-

She felt excited to get away from her apartment, or maybe just excited to see her girlfriend, a mix of both...but that didn't really matter. She was excited.

Brooke power walked to her bathroom, looking at herself through the mirror, she actually looked decently good, maybe a little tired but that was normal after taking five 5 minute long naps.

And quicker than she expected, she heard a ring st her door bell, smiling to herself, Brooke made her way to the front door, unlocking it and opening the door to see Vanessa with a big smile in her face. "Hey bitch~"

"Hi baby." Brooke giggled, hugging the shorter girl tightly, pressing her face against her chest. "I know im short but that's no excuse to shove my face in your tits- not that I mind but still." Vanessa snickered. Looking up at Brooke Lynn who kissed her forehead. "Sorry, I was just happy to see you." Brooke smiled.

"I can tell." Vanessa laughed. "Oh, shut it." Brooke rolled her eyes before letting go of Vanessa, breaking the embrace. "Sure." Vanessa giggled, holding Brooke's hand. "How about i take you home now, malady." Vanessa winked. "You're painfully cringy." Brooke replied monotonely. "And you're a pain in the ass, let's go."

"I might be but you still love me." Brooke smiled smugly. "Of course, I love you, dumbass." Vanessa said. "Kiss me and then we can go." Brooke chuckled, receiving a quick peck on the lips from Vanjie. "Hey~ I said kiss, no lt peck." Brooke Lynn whined. "Fine."

Vanessa sighed, cupping Brooke Lynn's face and kissing her softly, feeling Brooke's hands go to her waist, pulling her closer but  Vanjie broke the kiss. "Not that kissing on your door step bothers me but I'd rather do that in a comfy bed." Vanessa giggled. "Right." Brooke chuckled. "Let's go."

#rpdr fanfiction #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #yvie oddly #branjie #lesbian au #fluff #kiyo #i can feel it through the screen

[sugasugawarau]

200 milestone

This blog hit 200 during my semi-hiatus and I neglected to post this after because I still had matchups for my 100 and the mlist for Table for Two was posted meaning I’m a lil late 😹👍 but I do want to take the time to properly thank each and every one of you for sticking around!! Your support means the world to me I love u all 🥺💕 As a thank you, I’ll be doing matchups again and a lil smth to do with self-ships; read more about and join the event here!

From my previous milestone to now, I’ve also had the amazing opportunity to get to know more people so I want to take the time to thank some of my mutuals since I’m most likely going to be rlly bad at replying to messages and checking up on your posts with school starting up :,) (VERY lengthy hence read more)

— to the biggest lo5ers ik!

@kbh-ton; HAHA I bet you didn’t expect to be called out since you only use Tumblr for reblogging but here we are, bbq sauce on my (.)(.) 😍Just wanted to say that aside from being an amazing friend since grade 4 (except for when you bully me stop trying to kin Tsukishima so hard smh), I am immensely grateful for your support for all the dumb shit I do online and offering your thotz on a lot of my headcanons and other shit too because you’d think witnessing the bs I do irl would be enough to last you a lifetime 😹🤟 Ily and message me on ig or discord when u see this pp

And thanks to my other irl friends Emma (who doesn’t have Tumblr) and Yoshi (who doesn’t watch Haikyuu - lame ik 👎 - but has Tumblr and posts sexc art so check him out but don’t tell him I sent u or anything!! @/ashr00m) for not really knowing what I do here but being supportive nonetheless and inspiring a LOT of my text scenarios and being my best friends or whateveuh 👁👅👁 I’ll text them a proprer thank you in the gc and remind them that I love them too because it’s soft on main hrs too apparently 🙀

— to my wifeys (poly 🥰)

@tendouthighs; Codie, you were my first friend on tumblr and I want to take the time to thank you for posting that you were open to making friends here because without that I might not have ever gotten the courage to slide into your dms 🙈 You always brighten my day and your text scenarios are EVERYTHING, ily lovely! 💜

@pyblos; Lyra, you’re the Iwaizumi to my Oikawa, my wife in our very extensive reverse harem, and have been one of the most prominent people during my weird tumblr journey. You’ve been here since the early days of my blog and have been a constant source of love and support, I’m so glad to have met you and you’re so talented!! 😚💕(even if u bring out the 🔪 every once in a while HAHA) ilysm bb 🤍

@yeskoushi; Shan my babygork 😻🥺 we may have only started interacting recently but you’re so funny, kind, and talented. Not only is your writing top tier, your entire blog is pretty too just like you (insert the ur so sexy aha ha ha meme face here🥴) Never hesitate to reach out to me okay? Sending you good luck for sch and ily and imy 😿💕

— to my beautiful bbs!

@sneezefiction; Gracie, words can’t begin to describe how beautiful you are inside and out. Ilysm, I’m in awe with all you do - your fics and headcanons always make me soft, as if I’m being enveloped in a warm hug :,)) Thank you for also being here since my blog’s early days and most importantly for being you, and I’m so happy we met 💙

@baeshijima; Sophie!! We’ve only recently started talking as well but ilysm 🥰 I can’t thank you enough for being such a blessing and always remember that you deserve all of the kindness you give out x1000! I hope we get to know each other better and make sure you’re taking care of yourself 🥺💖

@heyhinata; Cal bb we also have only started interacting recently but omg ily and would fight anyone and anything for you, you’re so precious and funny how do you do it 😾💕 I’m vv glad we met and I’m so excited for your future works!!

@astereim; Rein, Mareina supremacy amirite 😼 SHFJAKDJ okay but honestly you’ve been one of the easiest people to talk to right from the start and also your writing is i m m a c u l a t e, I admire your characterization and dialogue sm and ily :,) 💙

@softforsaeko; Joy, ily ❤️ and I still don’t know how you can perfectly embody the word joy. Every time I see you on my dash I let out the most obnoxious cackles because you’re HILARIOUS (Fun fact my irl who has tumblr says that he’s also started immediately thinking of you when he sees Saeko, can’t wait for you guys to get married!!)

@agaassi @visaintes @miki-snake @drabblily @oii-sugasan @lcnelyinthesky @bearri-main @ranojiroa-san @ukaiscigarette @strawberrii-milktea @murdereddaydreams @keichan @bellesowl @fvrcore @noya-sannnn

I was scared to talk in the server when I first joined (I’m a pussy ik 😿) but I can say with confidence that I don’t regret it because I got to meet all of you wonderful and talented people. To everyone I’ve had the chance to talk to, thank you for making me laugh sm and ily!! And to everyone else in the server I haven’t interacted with yet, ilyt you’re all so sweet and I hope to get to know you better in the future 🤍

And thank you to @inloveinc @sa-suga @tsukkiscookies @cherryonigiri @oikawas-wh-re @tsuumu @haijme @honeykaashi @mirajanestrauss1999 @tris-does-stuff @sunnsflower @sleepykarabou @ksyescribe I hope we can to get to know each other better as well, ily, and please make sure you’re taking care of your beautiful + talented selves <3 This all applies to my new mutuals too !!

— to my inspirations!

@90s-belladonna @the-broken-halo-writer @indigohitoshi; Aixa, Corey and Issa, all three of you inspired me to make my own blog with your SMAUs and written works 🥺 I would like to thank you all sm for sharing your works and know that you’re all amazing !!💕

@sugardaddykenma @hina-wit-da-glock; Lin and Lola, I’m still dumbfounded that you both follow me tbh LMAO. You were both some of the first haikyuu blogs I followed and you always crack me up with your posts, rlly some of the coolest people on here. I adore you and wishing you the best in everything you do! 🥰

#200 milestone #mari hits 200!! #<- blacklist if u don’t want to see this on ur dash #no seriously what are u doing following me #are u lost 😔😔😔 i cant help u im sorry im struggling to navigate my own life #BUT THANK YOU AJDJFJA

[cloudy-leonhart]

Hiii Honey🥺Imysm and hope you’re doing well! I can’t say I’ve given up on writing AOT but I gotta find motivation again😅boy idk if it’s because I find most of my fics on ao3 than here but hey, I hope you’re doing well! For me I’m getting my writing ideas/stuff together and hopefully find a consistency again :) Rewatching the show is my plan, I miss getting emotional over them

I’ve already replied to your other ask but tell me about your day! And also since we’re both rarely active on here, if you wanna exchange other social contacts in DM’s we totally can! Just in case if anything happens or if you wanna keep in touch and talk more since I’m trying to prepare myself to post again on here, hence why I’m not that active lol. I kinda miss reading/writing Bert/AOT content since I’ve gotten into other fandoms so that might be a sign I’ll get back into it at LEAST to finish my milestone event XD I hope to start posting other content outside of AOT too! :)

(Also I just read your bio and I’m dying Canadian juice is a thing?? I’ve never tried Canadian juice but that probably sounds worse than when you could just have a bubly or better yet juice elsewhere haha)

Lots of hugs,

Kristy <3

aaahh— hi kris-bee ��� I’m on right now because I’m practicing writing better- I’m glad you’re doing well! I miss you lots and I know how you feel about the aot fics, I’ve been more busier since my family’s aching to go enjoy the summer haha!!

With the socials exhanging, I don’t think I do well since I only have a discord :p yes yes I know I’m a grandma when it comes to social media but I don’t really see a point besides text ur friends :3 I’ve been into playing more video games lately so I too haven’t had some time to write out fics- (apologies to my drafts and requests because they’re collecting dust :(( )

There’s not really a Canadian juice lol- that’s what me and my friends call made-in-Canada juice lol, I’m pretty sure they taste the same in the US?? I just know the Filipino-made juice is sweeter- and that mangos there are way better than Canadian ones :p

Other than that, I might take a break on tumblr for a bit? My mental health hasn’t been the best, but I’m still deciding whether or not I just need a break or if I need to take time off the internet all in all, I’m happy you came to me to talk! I hope we talk more soon!!!

hugs and kithes <33

#honey’s rambling.. #the bertholdt kinnies <3 #kris-bee 💕 #honey’s asks! <3