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marvelousstevetony · 3 years

Note

Can you do “I think that has to be a record sneeze sequence” for stony? Just sounds soo cute. Doesn’t matter who the sneezer is :)

Thank you, anon! I’m not gonna lie, this prompt was one of the reasons I reblogged the list, it is just too cute. I hope you enjoy this small ficlet of allergic!Steve :)

***

“Alright, straight to the bathroom,” Tony hurries at Steve as soon as they exit the elevator, steering him with a persistent hand at the small of Steve’s back. Both of Steve’s hands are rubbing harshly at his eyes, practically blinding him as he follows Tony’s lead obediently.

“Stop touching your face, it’ll only make it worse,” Tony hisses, but there’s no real fire to his voice, just a thick layer of concern.

“God, snff! it itches s-so b-badly,” Steve stutters, still swiping at his eyes.

When they reach the bathroom, Steve comes to an abrupt halt in the doorway and his breath starts coming in short desperate gasps. Tony stops as well, casts one glance at Steve and takes Steve’s hands in his own, revealing teary and red-rimmed eyes.

Steve’s nose twitches vigorously as a tear trickles down his cheek. Tony waits for Steve to succumb to the ticklish sensation, but after a few seconds and a series of urgent sniffles, he exhales in frustration.

Tony gives him a slight nudge and prompts him to enter the bathroom.

“Take your shirt off,” Tony orders while opening the cabinet and rummaging through all the crap that they have accumulated.

“How f-forward of you Mr. S-Stark.” Steve voice is still uneven as he begins shuffling out of his sweater.

“Not the time for flirting, Rogers,” Tony grumbles, face still buried in the cupboard. When he looks over his shoulder, he sees Steve pulling his shirt over his head, turning the inside out. “Not that way— shit,” he curses.

Tony can all but see the dander in the air, on Steve’s face, everywhere. He rips the sweater from Steve’s hand and hurls it away. It’s too late, he knows, because Steve’s face scrunches up around his nose, wiggling it helplessly, and he even scrubs at it with his knuckles, trying to impede the irrefutable itch. It doesn’t work.

“HuhhTCHHoo! Huh Uhh— UhhTSCHoo!”

The sneezes tear through Steve’s body so strongly that he has to grip the edge of the sink to keep him from stumbling. With the next sneezes, Steve doubles over, his clutch on the surface tightening.

“huhhCHshoo! ehTSChhh!”

Steve’s shoulders hunch forward and every muscle in his torso tenses with the force of the sneezes. Since he shed his sweater, Steve’s abs have been on full display and with each sneeze, they flex, flaunting the perfectly sculpted muscles. If Steve hadn’t been in the midst of a horrendous allergic reaction, Tony might’ve commented, teased him, said something completely vulgar and salacious. But right now, all he does is worry.

“Okay. Okay,” Tony repeats. “Here, sit down.” He guides Steve to sit a the edge of the tub while one more sneeze rips through him. And another. And another.

Steve is bent completely over at the waist, elbows on his knees as he aims the sneezes towards the floor, futilely trying to catch them in his fist.

“uhhUShhiew! uhhCHUSH’oo! huh… hetCHISHhew!”

They keep coming, the strong, throat-scraping sneezes that takes Steve’s breath away, all the while Tony is staring at Steve with wide eyes, completely in shock and unable to take act.

After the fifth sneeze in as many seconds, Tony squats down in front of him placing his hands on Steve’s broad shoulder.

“Hey,” he says softly, brushing his thumbs over Steve’s naked skin when the sneezes calm down for a moment. “We need to get you into the shower… you think you can take your pants off yourself, or do you need my help?”

Steve glances up at Tony through his eyelashes. They’re clotted together by the same salty tears that are streaming down his face. Even with the blurry vision, he can see Tony smirking, and he can’t help but smile weakly and shake his head with fondness.

“I t-think I… SNFF! I can manage,” he says, his voice thin and wheezy.

“Right.” Tony gets to his feet and turns on the shower spray, adjusting the temperature to what he knows Steve likes.

Steve gets as far as being stripped to his boxers when the uncontrollable itch resurfaces. This time, he has to lean against the wall for support, but Tony’s quickly at his side, steadying him.

“Okay, sit down again,” Tony stresses.

“etCHisshoo! uhhUSH’oo!” The dirty blonde hair falls into Steve’s eyes, and every time Tony tries to brush it away from his face, another sneeze makes it fall right back. “G-god, Tony, it j-just woohhn’t s-stop… uhhUSCH! huh— Jesus…” Steve mumbles.

After grabbing a washcloth from a drawer, Tony wets it and starts wiping Steve’s tear-stained face with it. It’s cool and it feels amazing against Steve’s flushed cheeks.

“Mhmm, that’s nice,” Steves sighs, but it almost sounds like a moan, and Tony chuckles softly at the pleased sound.

“Have to get all that dander off your face…” he murmurs, and Steve gives an affirming hum in reply. “That was rough, Steve. I think that has to be a record sneeze sequence,” Tony jokes, but there’s truth to it.

“Probably,” Steve agrees and huffs a self-deprecating laugh. “I feel miserable.”

“Well, you did just sneeze your head for five minutes straight, so,” Tony reasons with a wry smile, and Steve just hums again, doing more sniffling into the washcloth than washing his face.

“Y’know, I knew you were, like, the most boy scoutiest Boy Scout of all, but helping a cat down a three—“

“It was stuck, Tony!” Steve says defensively. “What, did you expect me just to stand there and watch? Didn’t you snf! see the look on that little girl’s face?”

“Woah, calm down, there,” Tony laughs, holding his hands up and forging innocence. “I just don’t understand why you insisted on climbing up a tree, getting the cat down, and then proceeded to carry it like a baby when you’re clearly deathly allergic to them.”

“I had to help the girl,” Steve explains, looking at Tony as if it was the most obvious answer ever. “Besides, I didn’t know I was allergic.”

Tony glares at Steve, incredulously. “Really? You’ve never encountered a cat before?”

“Of course I have. I was— snffSNFF! was allergic to them before, but I thought it’d disappeared when I got the serum. I guess n-not, though… huh-Tschushh! Oh.”

“Bless you,” Tony says, gently stroking a hand over Steve’s hair.

Steve acknowledges the blessing with a nod. “Tha-ahh… hrrisshhieew! uhhISHH’ehh!”

“Alright, Sniffles,” Tony starts, patting Steve’s shoulder. “Hop to it,” he says and nods to the shower. “I’ll grab you some tissues and some heavy-duty allergy meds.”

While Steve showers and gets cleaned up, Tony sends Natasha to the drugstore for some extra soft tissues, and he calls Bruce for advice on which medicine would be best for someone like Steve. Though Bruce always claims he isn’t that sort of doctor, he usually knows best in situations like this.

Tony himself prepares soup for them to eat in bed. Before Steve, Tony had never though of himself as the care-taking type, but Steve apparently brings out a whole new side of him.

When Steve emerges from the bathroom, wearing a new, clean sweater that’s at least one size too big on him, and looking like he’s no longer about to pass out — but still with the pink nose and the soft eyes — Tony is waiting for him in bed with a dozen boxes of tissues, a variety of different allergy pills to chose from, and two steaming bowl of chicken noodle soup.

They both get tugged up in bed, and shortly after taking the medicine and eating the warm, comforting soup, Steve feels much better. He still has to lean away from Tony to catch a stuffy, soft hetpChsh! every once in a while.

“God bless you, tiger,” Tony murmurs after the third one, and he looks over at Steve, whose cheeks have turned the same flushed shade of pink as his nose. “Why are you blushing?”

Steve ducks his head and smiles shyly. “Oh, um… nickname,” he just says, inadequate to say anything else without fumbling with the words.

Tony smiles widely and cups Steve’s cheek with his hand. “Hm. Seems fitting, don’t you think? Tiger…” He leans in to brush his nose against Steve’s and kisses him tenderly, letting their lips melt together, uniting as one as if they were never meant to be apart.

#my fic #stevetony #steve rogers #tony stark #mcu #allergic Steve #I think I reblogged some very similar to this #but this scenario is like #my favourite #just realised this #so sorry #ask box

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s-nebul0sa · 4 years

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Can you write something about Lena having an allergic reaction to something. Maybe she ate sth just to make Kara happy, knowing she used to have been a little allergic to it in the past but she didn’t know that her allergy must have gotten worse and now she feels really bad. Doesn’t have to be too serious but she’s really unwell and Kara feels bad and stays with her to be there That would be awesome. Also, I totally love all your stories so much 😍

Read it on AO3

When Kara had asked her, “You’re not allergic to peanuts, are you?” Lena hadn’t thought about anything other foods she might be allergic to. She isn’t allergic to peanuts, she would have known with the amount of peanut M&Ms she’s stress-eaten in the last year and during college.

So, she had replied with a negative and never considered having to take other allergies into consideration. Not that she was sure it’s an allergy per se. It was only one time in boarding school and she only got an itchy rash she got after eating some coconut so it could’ve been anything really. Ever since, she has just avoided it and not had any issues.

Until today, that is.

After only a few bites she starts feeling icky. It’s not a very specific feeling. She just doesn’t feel well anymore but not knowing exactly why she puts it off as being due to tiredness or stress and tries to ignore it.

Not even two bites later, Kara stops eating and stares at Lena.

Lena stops eating and stares back for a moment.

“What are you doing?” she asks after a moment when Kara doesn’t look away.

“You’ve got a rash on your cheeks.” Kara gestures her own neck to show Lena where exactly the rash is.

“Oh.” Lena brings her hand up to her cheek and feels the slight unevenness of her cheek. Her skin feels hot. “It’s probably nothing,” she dismisses anyway. But her hand lingers. It doesn’t feel like nothing. Her skin is starting to burn and itch and the ickiness feels worse than before.

An uneasy feelings creeps upon her. She doesn’t want to seem weak but she really doesn’t feel well. For a second, Lena closes her eyes and takes a slow deep breath, hoping the feeling will pass.

Just as the feared, the feeling only gets worse. Her throat feels scratchy and her eyes itch and are watery. She feels like she should lie down.

“Lena?” Kara asks, a hint of worry slipping through in her voice. “Are you okay?”

As she feels the itchiness spread over her entire skin, Lena realises there’s no lying her way out of this.

“No,” she confesses. “I feel a little off.” She pushes away from the table, creating a little breathing space and making it easier for her to get up if she wants to.

Kara gets up from her spot and kneels down at Lena’s side, putting a hand on Lena’s knee. “You don’t look good. Is there anything I can do?”

Lena shakes her head. She puts her hand on top of Kara’s on her knee.

“Maybe you should lie down for a moment? Think that’ll help?” Kara suggests.

Lena closes her eyes again, fighting the intense urge to scratch her itchy skin and rub her eyes, and nods. Maybe it will help. The least she can do is give it a try. With Kara trying to help her, she gets up and moves to the couch.

Kara fluffs up a pillow and moves it beneath her head, lingering awkwardly above her. She’s clearly unsure what to do to help.

“There should be some meds in my bathroom. A small yellow bottle. Could you get it?” Lena asks. “And maybe some more comfortable clothes.” Her pantyhose are now painful on her skin, as are the tight skirt and blouse she’s wearing.

“Yes, yes,” Kara says more to herself than to Lena as she gets up and moves away.

In the time it takes Kara to fetch Lena’s medicine and fresh clothes, Lena has already taken off most of her clothes. She doesn’t mind Kara seeing her in underwear and her tank top.

Kara seems to falter for a moment when she sees her but quickly rushes over with the pills and clothes.

“You’re all red!” she observes, her eyes lingering on the red blotches on Lena’s skin.

“I know, darling. Now, can you give me the meds? I’m about ready to claw off my own skin.”

“Lena!” Kara admonishes. “That does not sound healthy.” She hands over the pills and a bottle of water she grabbed on the way back to the couch.

Lena decides to ignore the comment. Of course it’s not healthy but it’ll go away within half an hour if she takes the antihistamines in the bottle.

Kara puts the pile of clothes on the kitchen table, within Lena’s reach. Lena, however, currently has no intention of getting dressed. She takes her meds and gratefully drinks half the bottle of water before lying back down on the couch again.

“Do you need anything else?” Kara asks, looking a little awkward as she watches Lena from a small distance.

“No, thank you. It’ll go away in a bit,” Lena explains. “Just have to sit it out.”

Kara nods and tentatively moves over.

“Have you had this happen before?”

“Not this bad but when I was a teen I did have some mild reactions a few times.”

“What prompted it?”

“I ate coconut. I assume that’s what was in the food?”

“Mhm,” Kara confirms with a small nod of her head. “Coconut milk. Why didn’t you tell me you’re allergic?”

“I didn’t know.” Lena shifts on the couch, making some room for Kara to sit down, which she eagerly does. “I mean, I presumed but I never had it confirmed or anything.”

Lena unconsciously lets her hands wander over her skin and scratches the worst itches.

“Shouldn’t you try not to scratch?” Kara asks.

Caught, Lena pulls back her hands and tucks them beneath her head to try and keep them from going their own way again.

“It’s okay. It probably itches real bad.”

Lena hums in agreement but doesn’t try to put too much attention on it.

“Would some distraction help?” Kara suggests, sitting back against the back of the couch a little more.

“Maybe.”

Kara clearly takes that as a yes. She guides Lena’s head on top of her lap and twines one hand in Lena’s hair. With the other, she looks for the tv remote.

“What do you want to watch? Something light and funny, something brainless, something compelling?”

“Something light sounds good. Not too brainless though.”

“Okay, so a good comedy,” Kara concludes, expertly navigating the plethora of titles on the screen.

Lena nods. She trusts Kara’s choice for something to watch. Kara can gauge what she will and won’t like and she knows way more titles than Lena does.

As Kara scrolls through the options, Lena lets out a small breath and relaxes her head on Kara’s lap. Kara’s fingers massage her scalp softly and the cool air and medicine make her skin starting to feel a little less itchy. Kara puts on a show and moves her other hand to play with Lena’s hair too.

If lena weren’t feeling so bad, she would have thought she had gone to heaven.

“Is this okay?” Kara asks as the intro of the show plays on the tv.

“Perfect,” Lena murmurs. She feels suddenly very comfortable, the medicine coursing through her body and curbing her allergic reaction, Kara’s hands in her hair, the tv playing in the background.

Lena shivers involuntarily when her body starts to cool down and gets sleepy. Not wearing any clothes is no longer comfortable. Kara seems to notice and gently coaxes Lena up so she can put on the soft clothes Kara brought out earlier. Lena lets Kara dress her in them and lies back down right after with a big yawn.

Pulling out a storage basket from beneath the couch, Kara grabs a blanket and drapes it over Lena before sitting back down and letting Lena rest her head on her lap again.

Now, Lena really is in heaven, she thinks as it gets harder and harder to keep her eyes open and she feels the pull of sleep at the edges of her mind. She doesn’t fight it and comfortably slips under.

#supercorp #kara danvers #lena luthor #supergirl #kara x lena #my writing #prompt fill #fanfiction #Anonymous

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realyouearthing01 · 3 years

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The benefits and advantages of Earthing / Grounding for animals/pets – Grounding to the Earth

As you will discover in this post, pets also benefit from Earthing / Grounding. So here is the testimony of different people who tell their experience with their animals and Earthing / Grounding, the connection to the earth.

When indoors, pets sense something familiar and beneficial when they come in contact with an Earthing mat or other grounding product. They are definitely drawn to Earthing. Although they can’t articulate what they feel, their actions and responses speak louder than words, as these accounts clearly indicate:. Here is a sampling of feedback:

Extending Quality and Quantity of Life

The second edition of the Earthing book (2014) included a report from Sandra Wong, a musician in Boulder, Colorado, about how Earthing was helping her aged Grand Pyrenees dog, “Raffie.”

In 2013, she had first told us that “Raffie,” then 11, was suffering from severe, painful arthritis and multiple structural issues. She had exhausted conventional options, including medication that just made him sick to his stomach. She was reluctantly considering putting him down. Then a friend suggested Earthing and she obtained an Earthing throw for the dog. The results, she said, were striking. “Raffie” began resting and sleeping grounded. His energy amazingly returned, as did his mobility and zest for life.

In April 2014, the dog passed. “He made it to a miraculous 12 years of age, almost unheard of for his breed,” Sandra told us. “Grounding gave him an entire extra year of life and with quality that I didn’t think was possible.”

In early 2015, she told us she has helped other animals with Earthing. “The week before ‘Raffie’ passed, ‘Mosey,’ went into a steep downward spiral and was diagnosed with the lumbosacral disease, among other things. She’s another one of my Pyrenees. Her back legs were going out much of the time. She had full urinary and fecal incontinence. The vets didn’t have much to offer but after several months of using homeopathic remedies and encouraging her to spend more time on the Earthing throw, she has made a rather miraculous turnaround. She has been able to walk to and from the backyard without assistance. Her urinary incontinence and 99 percent of all accidents have stopped in the last three months. ‘Mosey’ is now 13 years old and a few months, and although fragile, she’s going stronger than I could have imagined possible with the only changes being nerve tonic (homeopathic), Traumeel (homeopathic), and her Earthing throw.”

Sandra continued: “A friend of mine has a rescue black Lab/chow mix with severe hip dysplasia. The old dog took a turn for the worse with the coming of colder weather. The pain meds he was prescribed left him lethargic, yelping, and disoriented. My friend put him on similar homeopathic as ‘Mosey’ and installed an Earthing throw, as I had done, in the dog’s bed. Now, two months later, it’s as if the dog was two years younger. He’s clear-eyed, connected, happy, and exhibited significantly less pain.

“Earthing also helped my mother’s dog, my grandmother’s dog, and my other Pyrenees, ‘Serafina.’”

In 2017, we heard from Sandra again. Both “Mosey” (14 ½) and “Serafina” (13 ½) had died the year before, 18 days apart. “However, both of them had a good quality of life up until the very end, despite their advanced age, with the help of the Earthing throw,” she said. “’ Serafina’ had a stroke shortly after ‘Mosey’ passed. I think she missed her sister.

“All this is to say, in my experience, Earthing is incredibly helpful to animals, including older ones with sensitive systems who reactive negatively to strong medications.”

Less Shedding

From Yavor Kresic in Ottawa: “My Siamese ‘Alexander’ loves going on the mat. I’ve noticed that he hardly sheds now. He’s an older cat and rarely goes out.”

More Comfort, Less Itching

From Ambien Hay of Vero Beach, Florida: “‘Jackson,’ my Jack Russell, loved his Earthing mat. It relieved his arthritis and pain due to Lyme disease during the last years of his life. He died at 16. After sleeping on it all night, he clearly felt more comfortable in the morning, as he pranced outside and had his breakfast.

“‘Sailor,’ my 12-year-old Westie, heads for his Earthing mat any chance he gets! He has been Earthing for more than eight years and is healthy and happy. The mat helped relieve his skin allergies and itchiness. He hogs my Earthing mat under the computer desk, his favorite place to snooze.

“All creatures large and small love to be connected to Mother Earth!”

In 2012, Karen Kolczak from Phoenix told us she obtained a mat for her cat after experiencing the benefits of Earthing herself. She said: “My old cat doesn’t get outside much anymore, but now she is going up and down the stairs much more frequently and curls up to me purring on the bed as if to say ‘thanks mom.’”

In early 2015, Karen reported that her cat had passed away and that she brought a new cat into the house who “loves the mat as well.”

Togetherness

New Hampshire researcher James Oschman sent this picture (below) from a doctor friend who commented: “Here are my daughter’s three cats. Ordinarily, they stake out separate rooms for their morning naps, but this is what they’ve been doing since I came to visit and installed an Earthing sheet on the guest bed.”

More Togetherness

From Linda Olk in Winston-Salem: “I have five dogs and a cat. And most of them, along with me, have been Earthing since 2013. The dogs get their indoor ‘dosing’ at night like I do, and sleep on the Earthing sheet I put over the sofa. Sometimes all of them pile on at one time. From time to time, some of them jump into my bed and onto the Earthing sheet. I have to shoo them off.

“The animals have all been in good health. After I added the Earthing sheet, they absolutely became calmer. Not that they had been rowdy or unruly, but they carried a certain agitation. That changed a lot.

“When the cat developed an infection from a bite, I noticed he spent more time than usual stretched full out on the Earthing mat I placed in the living room under my desk. The cat usually stays outside, right on the ground, under a tree, except when it’s very cold. Then I set the mat out and typically he gravitates to it.

“After I bought an Earthing yoga mat for myself, the dogs, and even the cat, want to lay on it. I sometimes have to shove them off when it comes time to do my exercise.”

It Works in Finland, too

Sisko Pynnonen from Kangasniemi says her dog usually sleeps on the floor during the winter and outside on the ground when the weather is warmer. “After I put an Earthing sheet on my bed, ‘Tahvo’ started to climb up into the bed in order to be able to sleep on the sheet. One night he even brought a bone into the bed. He seems to sigh with relief when he sleeps on the sheet…and sleeps there all night!”

Satu Laitinen, from Siilinjarvi, says her cats love the Earthing plush pad and compete to use it.

Maine Cats Know When They Need Mother Earth

From JJ, in Maine: “My two indoor cats don’t seem unusually drawn to Earthing sheets or their grounded pet beds when they’re healthy. However, when my cat Cleo had an inflamed paw pad, we noticed her resting on my daughter’s Earthing sheet in an unusual manner, with her arm stretched straight out in front of her, the sore paw pad placed gingerly on the grounded sheet.

“My other cat, ‘Pixie’ is an obsessive washer. Since she’s been sleeping grounded (two years), her fur has grown back on her sides and some on her tummy. Grounding seems to relax her and reduce the hyperexcitability of her condition.”

Don’t Get Crushed!

From Deborah Ebbers, Suttons Bay, Michigan: “I have a story concerning my earthing journey, started one and a half months ago. I bought the earthing mat for my bed and the results have been very positive; deep sleep, arthritic pain reduction, calm energy… and now my dog (who sleeps with me) has decided that since I’m earthed that it is perfectly natural for her to sleep on top of me……. there’s one little problem…she’s a Great Dane. Beatrix is 116 pounds!”

They Hog the Bed!

From Tina Morin, a German Shepherd breeder in North Bay, Ontario: “I have 7 dogs and they all try to get a piece of the mat on the floor lol I have a sheet on my bed and sometimes I catch them up on there too. They all sleep on it or on my bed lol as I have a grounding sheet there. They sure gravitate to grounding.”

Golden Retriever in Healing High Gear

Karen Poizin of Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin, reported that “Lance,” her Golden Retriever, had surgery to remove a large lipoma in his armpit in December of 2013. He slept on a pet mat during his recovery and, according to the veterinarian, “he healed quickly.”

“Juniper the Rat” − Life after a Stroke

Diane Higgins, of Toronto, is an ardent animal rescuer. “From fish to horses,” she says, and including rats. In 2015, she communicated to us about “Juniper,” her very senior and nearly three-year-old hooded female pet rat. The rodent had had a stroke, a fairly common affliction among elderly rats, and often fatal.

“I’ve become all too familiar with the symptoms but this time I had a new weapon and so I decided to use one of the Earthing bands,” Diane recounted. “Rats, no matter how well we feed and take care of them, don’t live very long, but if this could improve the quality of her life, I was all for it. Often there’s nothing you can do to help them in these situations, the time between a stroke and their unfortunate demise is swift.

“’ Juniper’ is one tough little gal. She had difficulty getting around so I decided to try the band on her and within twenty minutes she was able to raise her head. Within an hour she was able to use her legs again. After a few hours, she exhibited more mobility and was able to lift her head.

“I put her in a safe, warm, and comfortable location with the band attached (she had wiggled out of it once, but I got her back into it) and she settled in and let the band do its thing.

“I got the shock of my life the next morning. ‘Juniper’ had climbed onto the roof of her mouse house ALL BY HERSELF!! She climbed up and ate breakfast! She gave me a bit of trouble getting her into the band this morning but I got her in. She has MUCH better mobility and is much improved.

“She does the rat equivalent of purring (bruxing) when she is in the band. This can also occur when a rat is upset, but she seems to be a happy little rat when she does this.

“On the third day, she was having less problem holding her food, all the red stuff around her eyes is gone. That’s porphyrin, a secretion indicative of stress, sickness, or poor diet. Her eyes look clear and her coat feels silky.”

“On day five, she continued doing well. She has made daily progress. The old girl is now able to get all the way up to the third tier of the cage. She seems to recognize her limitations with ‘down.’ She actually signals me when she wants to come down and I either pick her up and place her on the bottom of the cage or I gently ‘escort’ her with my hand and assist her.

“She has never eaten commercial pet food. She gets filtered water, organic fruits, vegetables, nuts, and seeds, as well as avocadoes, bananas, mangoes, grapes, corn on the cob, carrot, spinach leaves, kale, and chaff from my juicing as well.

“Everything has worked in harmony. TLC without Earthing or Earthing without TLC would not have produced these results. When I first started this therapy with her, I was thinking she might not last another day. But she is doing so well and has been a great surprise.”

A week later Diane reported: “She is doing amazing!! She was able to fend off her younger companion ‘Thea,’ when I gave her one of her favorite treats, a piece of Pita bread. ‘Thea’ does NOT share. ‘Juniper’ is now able to drink out of the water bottle on the second cage level now. Her front paws are no longer tensed up and she is able to wash like she used to. She appears very calm and does that bruxing thing, which is so cute and endearing. OMG, she is so smart!”

“Juniper” lived actively for more than a month after her stroke, and then died peacefully. “I hadn’t expected her really to live another day after her stroke,” reported Diane. “She was a real trooper.”

Sweet Dreams

“I actually had to buy myself a second Earthing mat, because the minute I put my mat on the floor to put my feet on while watching TV, my Golden Retriever immediately would make a beeline for it. He then falls into a wonderfully deep sleep with lots of squirrel chasing dreams. For me, this disproves the Earthing doubters who explain Earthing benefits as a placebo effect. Both my dog and I know that earthing REALLY works!”

For more information, please visit https://realyouearthing.com/

#Earthing / Groundingn #animals #health #home & lifestyle #cat dog

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whoareurl · 4 years

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birthday fic for softersteve <3

i’ve been gone for ages soz but i had to pop by and give @softersteve some birthday love because i still read their blog religiously for all the soft steve content so here’s some shrinkyclinks of my own. it’s a bit light on snez but there’s plenty of whump! and i might have an idea for a part 2 but we’ll see

By the time spring break rolls around, Steve is practically dead on his feet. Midterms floored him and he’d spent so much time in the art building over the past two weeks that he wouldn’t be surprised if he’s developed a conditioned rage response to the hideous 80s wallpaper in his favourite workroom. So, when it comes time to pack for their week-long trip home, Bucky is the one who does most of the hard work. The lucky bastards in engineering don’t have midterms in the spring semester and the bright-eyed innocence in Bucky’s eyes kinda makes Steve want to stab him in the hand with a fork.

“Got everything?” Bucky asks as Steve slips into the passenger seat, dosed up on Ambien and fully prepared to fall asleep as soon as they hit the interstate. It’s only a two hour drive, much shorter than what many students have to endure, but it’s still more than Steve’s stomach can handle, especially with all the stress he’s been under lately. Besides, his joints have been aching all day and the beginning of spring allergy season is making him congested so he’s happy for the option of a little time out. “All your meds?”

Steve rolls his eyes fondly, already feeling heavy-lidded. “Yes, ma.”

Bucky grins and, like the dickhead he is, plays up his role. “Are you sure you don’t need the bathroom before we leave?”

Steve slaps him and buckles himself in. “Jerk.”

“Punk,” Bucky shoots back and starts the engine. “I’m putting on my country playlist so you’re just gonna have to deal until the meds knock you out.”

Steve groans but it’s a playful groan. Despite his protests, Steve doesn’t actually hate the country songs Bucky adores. Well, not all of them. And he’s gonna be out cold in about twenty minutes so he figures it’s only fair to indulge Bucky’s garbage music taste.

“You’re the boss,” he says, firing off a mocking salute before tucking his school sweatshirt up between his neck and his shoulder and settling in for the ride.

He expects to be woken by Bucky telling him they’ve arrived so it’s with some surprise and confusion that Steve finds himself awake barely an hour later with an absolute cacophony of bells ringing in his head and a thin sheen of sweat all over his skin. He lets out a little groan and makes an aborted move to get Bucky’s attention before he remembers that he’s driving.

“B-Buck,” he croaks out without ever really deciding to speak.

Bucky hums gently and, when he looks over at Steve, he pales quite significantly. “Stevie? What’s wrong? You gonna be sick?”

As he’s speaking, Bucky is already turning the music off and reaching blindly behind him for a plastic bag which he thrusts into Steve’s lap as a makeshift sickbag. Steve coughs and then he can’t stop coughing. And then he thinks back to the midterms and the stress and the all-nighters and he feels a weight settle heavily on his shoulders. So, it wasn’t allergies. He’s not sure if the timing is excellent or awful since now he’s not going to be enjoying his time off but at least he won’t be missing class. Either way, this is already shaping up to be one hell of a spring cold.

“You’re running a fever,” Bucky worries as he briefly touches Steve’s forehead, glancing between Steve and the road.

“I know!” Steve snaps and feels immediately guilty. “Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Bucky returns and he doesn’t even sound fazed. Ambien-fuelled Steve isn’t exactly known for being a barrel of laughs. And right now, he feels like garbage. “We’re about 45 minutes out. You gonna be okay?”

Steve sighs and is about to make a half-hearted quip about not having much choice when he’s suddenly overtaken by a desperate need to sneeze.

“Heh’NGXshoo!” Steve is thrown forward with the unexpected force of it and stays there when he can feel another one building. “EhYISHHew! NXGH’huh!”

“Don’t stifle,” Bucky mumbles. Steve feels Bucky’s hand land on his back and rub along the bumps of his spine.

Without tissues, the best Steve can do is wipe his nose on the cuff of his hoodie and sniffle the rest back. It’s, fundamentally, super fucking gross. God, he’s so cold and he cannot stop shivering. The fact that his t-shirt is soaked with cold sweat certainly isn’t helping but he’s sure as hell not going to take it off. Because that would mean having to take his hoodie off and the thought makes him want to cry. Instead, he kicks off his shoes and brings his knees up to his chest, grateful, for once in his life, that he’s small enough to curl up in Bucky’s passenger seat.

“Services coming up,” Bucky says. Without opening his eyes, Steve knows exactly the worried expression Bucky is wearing by the tone of his voice. “I can pick up some tissues?”

Steve sniffles, feeling somewhat pitiful. Tissues would certainly be good. But they’ll get there faster if they don’t stop. It’s a dilemma but, in the end, when another violent shiver wracks through him, Bucky makes the decision for him.

“Alright. Tissues and a blanket,” he says, cranking up the heat and angling the blowers so they’re all pointed at Steve.

When they’re parked in the service station, Bucky reaches over to push Steve’s sweaty hair off his forehead. “You don’t do anything by halves, huh, Stevie?” He says gently, leaning in to kiss Steve’s forehead. “I’ll be right back. Don’t do anything stupid?”

“Can’t. You’re taking all the stupid,” Steve mumbles, forcing a weak smile. This seems so appease Bucky somewhat and he smiles back.

“Five minutes,” he says, and then he’s gone.

Steve feels awful, there’s no denying it. The joint pain he’d been feeling earlier has progressed from a dull ache to something a bit more aggressive, particularly in his hips, and the congestion in his sinuses has spread down into his upper chest. He feels the tightness pulling just below his collarbones and resigns himself to the fact that this is going to be a nightmare of a week.

True to his word, Bucky returns quickly and throws a fleece blanket over Steve’s shivering body. “Sorry, pal, all they had were Yankees blankets.”

Steve makes a face. “I better not have Gerrit Cole’s face on me right now,” he grumbles, cracking one eye open to look at Bucky.

Bucky laughs, ripping open a fresh box of tissues and settling it near the gear shift. “You gonna take it off if he’s on there?”

“Fuck off,” Steve grumbles, opting not to look and live in warm, comfortable denial.

His next breath catches deep in his chest and he curls in on himself with another rattling cough. Thankfully, he gets it under control before Bucky starts rummaging through the glove box for his inhaler. He’s actually gone one in his pocket thank you very much. Not that anybody ever bothers checking anymore. No, his reputation for leaving it at home - either out of forgetfulness or, for one memorable year in middle school, sheer stubbornness - has pretty much put an end to anybody bothering to check if he’s carrying one before they hand him another. He supposes he should be touched and, on a good day, he is. But today is not a good day. Today is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day and Steve just wants to be asleep.

“Not long now, Stevie,” Bucky says soothingly. Steve wants to be annoyed because he’s not a child but he can’t find it in himself because, damnit, Bucky’s voice is actually soothing when he talks like that.

Fuck, he’s so in love.

By the time they’re pulling up outside Sarah Rogers’s house, Steve feels truly miserable. He’d started feeling nauseous about ten minutes ago and had opened the window for some air which only brought back his earlier shivers with a vengeance. And, to top it all off, he saw the Yankees logo on the damn blanket. Today sucked.

“Come on, babydoll,” Bucky says as he helps Steve out of the car.

Somewhat reluctantly, Steve abandons the traitorous blanket in the car but snags the box of tissues and lets Bucky sling his arm around his shoulders as they head up to the door. As usual, Bucky rings the doorbell to let Sarah know they’re there and then heads inside. Steve shivers involuntarily at the warmth of the house and catches a few, itchy sneezes into a fresh handful of tissues.

His nose hasn’t stopped running since it started nearly an hour ago and all he wants is a change of clothes and a nap.

“My boys!” Sarah exclaims as she comes out of the living room to greet them, expression softening when she sees the state of her son.

That expression is just too much for Steve who detaches himself from Bucky and wraps his mother up in a hug. He can’t smell anything through his stuffy nose but he can imagine the homely way she always smells and has to blink back tears. God, he’s a mess. He blames the Ambien more than anything. Everybody knows they fuck with you if you don’t sleep long enough.

“Aw, honey,” Sarah mutters into Steve’s hair, running a hand up and down his back. “You shouldn’t have come all this way if you weren’t feeling well. I’ll still be here in the summer.”

“Didn’t feel bad until we left,” Steve admits, somehow completely forgetting how much worse that makes his cold sound.

Sarah frowns and holds him at arms length, looking him up and down. “That came on fast. How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay, Ma,” Steve starts but Bucky interrupts before he can offer any platitudes.

“Like hell you are,” Bucky grumbles, slipping his arm around Steve’s waist. “Bed. Let’s go.”

Steve huffs, his indignation giving him the strength to stand his ground. “I’m fine.”

Bucky yawns. “Who said it was for you? I drove all the way here. I need a nap.”

“Well, you can go without me,” Steve says, unsure why exactly he’s continuing this argument. He wants to go to bed. But he’s not going because he’s told to, even if it is Bucky and Ma.

Bucky pouts. “But I sleep better with you there.”

That bastard. Steve knows what he’s doing. He’s used this tactic time and again and the worst part is that it always works. It’s working now. Steve knows he’s going to agree even before his Ma presses a kiss to his cheek and says, “Take the guest bed, boys. You’ll have more space.”

So Steve lets Bucky drag him upstairs, lets Bucky dig out a sleep shirt for him while he gets undressed, lets Bucky pull him tight against his side and tuck a hot water bottle against his back. He gives in. He cuddles up close and drifts off tracing the curve of Bucky’s hip bone with his fingers.

Bucky’s so beautiful. Steve doesn’t know how he got so lucky.

“Marry me,” he whispers as he finally drops off the edge of the cliff into sleep.

part two

#acefic #acefic stucky

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thegoldenlily3 · 5 years

Text

Part 2/2 My Story 2019

Trigger warning/graphic photos ahead

My goal for 2019 was to sell our house and try to get pregnant. I was told by my surgeon that I should have a baby before I reverse my ileostomy. Even though my colon was removed in 2017, at this time I still had my rectum with active UC(Ulcerative Colitis). My surgeon said I couldn’t wait more than 10 years to get this removed and my ileostomy reversed because the disease can affect other parts of my body. Even then, I am not 100% cured. Since UC is an autoimmune disease, I will always have issues in some way. The disease manifests in ways other than bleeding ulcers in the colon. I’m prone to mouth ulcers because of this and I also believe, although I’ve not read this to be proven, that my skin issues are also a manifestation of my autoimmune disease. I deal with this later on in 2019. I’m also always tired and exhausted from all of the pain both mentally and physically.

At the beginning of 2019 my skin issues around my stoma continued to be bothersome. It had been months and months of having issues with my ostomy bag not wanting to stick and my skin oozing non stop. It wasn’t like I could just treat the skin and be done with it. Anything I would put on my skin would interfere with the adhesive of the bag. So I would cut around the edges and basically jerry rig my appliance so that I could treat my skin in different areas with each bag change. I will say this. For 2 years of having this ileostomy and all of these issues, I only ever had one leak; meaning I only had stool push through the adhesive and get all over me one time. Just one. That is actually really really good. My support groups are full of people that have been worse off than me. I was also fortunate to only have to change my bag once while in public and it was at work. I found a single person bathroom with a sink to use. My surgeon once told me that my stoma was very pretty and she herself thought she did a great job. She was an amazing surgeon here until I got a letter saying she was moving out of state so I needed to find a new surgeon. That was devastating and I definitely cried over it knowing that I would have to start over with someone new.

In April 2019, I finally had allergy testing done. I was actually supposed to get this done in 2017 but they called while I was in the hospital. So the first round of allergy testing was all environmental. They put these patches on my back(not what’s pictured) and they read them same day. They were all negative. Then they used needles to put the most common environmental allergies on the inside of my forearms. I wish I had pictures of that. This may sound like it was painful but it really wasn’t at all. The needle only goes through the surface of the skin. I had so many needles stuck in me in 2017 that I didn’t think twice about this test. This test was also negative. So great news, I have ZERO environmental allergies! A few weeks later, I had the chemical allergy test done. This is the white patches on my back in the picture. I had to go home with these patches on and come back in 2 days and have it read then. I wasn’t allowed to shower through that time nor was I allowed to sweat so I couldn’t go to work. Good thing I’m also a side sleeper. After they read the results, I had to come back in the next day and they read them again. Guys, I’m allergic to some pretty weird stuff:

• Balsam of Peru

• Benzoyl Peroxide

• Butylphenyl Methylpropional

• Carba Mix

• Cocamidopropyl Betaine

• Coconut Diethanolamide

• Compositae Mix

• Decyl Glucoside

• Fragrance Mix

• Iodopropynyl Butylcarbamate

• Nickel Sulfate

• Paraben Mix

• Propolis

• Propylene Glycol

• Thiuram Mix

• Ylang-ylang oil

May of 2019 was a pretty good month. Although I don’t have pictures of it, we went to Tappers Arcade Bar with some friends and we decided to ride the scooters around. The entire time I’m riding, we’re looking for a scooter that wasn’t dead for Issaac to ride. We came across the guys who picked them up and charged them and they started to help look. One of them got on a scooter and was riding pretty fast. We were in this narrow sidewalk and he came flying on my right and I got scared and ran into the half brick wall on my left. I scraped my ankle a little bit but I was pretty much fine. That is until I lifted my shirt...I did that, annnnd my bag fell on the ground in front of everyone. I immediately pulled my shirt down and laughed. For a second I didn’t know what to do and I was like oh I should probably pick that poop bag up off the ground before that guy comes over. I quickly grabbed it and he rushes over. He’s freaking out and worried I got hurt because of him. I reassured him that I was fine. The whole time he’s coming towards me I’m quickly walking towards Tappers while hiding my ostomy bag and my friend is with me the whole time. At this time I was wearing a two piece system so usually I’d be able to click the bag back on. When I hit the bricks, it broke the plastic so I wasn’t able to put the bag back on. Tappers was a ways down the street and we went to the bathroom and Issaac ran to the car to get my supplies down the block. Why he didn’t use a scooter I have no idea! And it turned out I still had the car keys. So my friend came in the bathroom and got the keys for him. She then returned and helped me because I couldn’t really do this on my own without doing it in front of strangers. I basically had my shirt covering my stoma so it got poop all over it and I needed help getting it over my head without it getting all over me. I was actually laughing a lot about this. I just thought the whole situation. Was hilarious. And I had a really fun time on the scooters.

Although in May I had a good time, I was still struggling with my skin issues. My allergy test didn’t really help in that area because a lot of companies won’t release all of the ingredients to their products. So it was then after very hard consideration and talking with Issaac that I decided it was time for a reversal. This meant that I was putting myself at a high risk of not being able to get pregnant. My GI doctor had told me at the beginning of the year that it was probably time to do it now rather than later because I was having a lot of abdominal pain with no explanation. It turned out that my diseased rectum was causing me a lot of pain and I had an ovarian cyst that had burst. So there are a lot of options for me if I can’t get pregnant. I’m a big proponent of adoption. I’ve also thought about IVF and surrogacy. All of these options are really expensive though.

On June 20th of this year, I had a Proctectomy, with a rectal mucosectomy, ileoanal anastomosis, creation of ileal reservoir (JPouch), with a loop ileostomy. In simpler terms, I had my the rest of my rectum removed which was about a foot long. I had my stoma stapled shut and put back into my stomach and my small intestines pulled down to my butt. They used the end of my small intestines to create a j shaped pouch that will act as a new rectum. Then they took a different part of my small intestines and created a new loop ileostomy. My previous one was an end ileostomy where the end of my small intestines was the stoma. A loop ileostomy comes outside and then back in but still with only one hole for output. It’s much smaller and a lot harder to handle. A loop ileostomy is required so that my jpouch can heal.

My recovery from my first surgery was hard because I was so sick beforehand. This surgery was hard in different ways. I had a different surgeon so he put me on different meds that I had never been on before but he was a great surgeon. I remember one was Gabopentin and I can’t remember the other but I was also on 3 different nausea meds. I ended up getting very very sick and I couldn’t eat my food. Imagine throwing up immediately after having abdominal surgery. I thought that I had been through the worst pain but this was just awful and I remember it very vividly. Issaac would hold a bowl for me because I couldn’t. Then a doctor came in who for some reason I thought he was there for pt but he wasn’t. I still don’t know what kind of doctor he was but he was just there to check on me. I started to throw up while squeezing a pillow into my gut and he held the bowl and held me up. He continued to hold me up and I just kept throwing up to a point where it was just stomach acid. He was the only reason I didn’t fall out of the bed. That there is a great doctor and I can’t even begin to express how grateful I am that he did that. I know it’s his job to be there for his patients but I feel maybe it’s not normal to go home and say you held someone as they threw up over and over and over. I imagine I can find out who he is now and thank him again. So out of the 3 nausea meds, only one really worked but I can’t remember what it’s called. I felt that the new meds were making me sick so I made the nurse request them to be switched to morphine and Oxy like before, only because I knew I reacted well to them. After that, I never got sick again and was able to eat. Another thing that was different with this surgery was my shoulder pain. It was very uncomfortable and I had never felt anything quite like it. I had to use ice packs and lidocaine patches to battle that pain. I guess the pain was from gas that they had injected into my incision after cutting me open to expand the area.

When I got home, I had severe issues with my stoma that I didn’t realize before because the inpatient stoma nurse would change my bag and didn’t say anything about any problems. The sutures had failed all the way around and created what looks like a moat around my stoma. This caused the nerve endings to be exposed and it looks blood red in the photos. Then, my incision glue came off and my incision came apart. For this surgery, they went through the same incision from 2017. My incision created a hole and got pretty deep but not deep enough for reconstruction. I went to see my stoma nurse and she was a God send. She showed me what to do and I had to change my bag style to a deep convex to help get my stoma more above my skin level. The convex basically pushes my skin down. It took me awhile to get a handle on changing this bag with this stoma. My output was much thinner and more frequent because my stoma was higher up in my intestines. My stoma was also much lower on my belly and in a dip of my stomach which also caused problems. The surgeon couldn’t bring it any higher. Because of where my stoma was, I had to have Issaac help me change my bag. He has been great throughout all of this. I would shower and he would set up a station with everything needed to change my bag. I would cut everything and apply everything but he was essentially my eyes for where I couldn’t see. I couldn’t hold a mirror and apply everything because I was laying down. Before with my old ileostomy, I could change it standing up within 5 minutes. This ostomy had me in tears so many times. There were a few occasions where it took us up to 5 hours to change the bag because my output wouldn’t stop. *** In the pictures provided, you can see where my original stoma was and there’s a ring of damaged skin around it where my appliance was. My skin is starting to heal and scab over. It took a couple months for that to go away.

To prepare for my next and final surgery, I had a procedure done called a Contrast Barium Enema. They laid me on my side on the CT bed and inserted a tube into my bottom and injected contrast. They then took xrays while moving me in different positions. This was pretty uncomfortable and I hope to never do it again.

Pre op: Today September 26th, I’m having a loop ileostomy takedown surgery and a flexible sigmoidoscopy. And of course this morning I started my period and am having full on symptoms with cramps and fatigue. No wonder I haven’t felt good the past couple of days. I woke before my alarm this morning. I didn’t sleep well. I’m nauseous and I guess it’s because I’m scared? I don’t know if I’m scared of the surgery itself or if I’m scared of afterward. I think it’s the latter. Right away I told the nurse that I’m a hard stick so she called the team with the ultra sound so as to not waste time with my iv. I really appreciate that. Now it’s just waiting in bed until they get here. 🤘🏻 So a nurse decided to poke me anyway and failed. I do have an iv now in my upper left arm that was done with the ultrasound machine. I’ve got the nausea patch on too.

The surgery was a success. It’s now a few hours after. Waking up was really rough. I couldn’t stop crying and I was nauseous and in pain. They gave me Diladid even though I said before surgery that I didn’t want that. Then they gave me morphine and Oxy and it it took awhile but finally I woke up with no pain. I walked to the bathroom with help which was hard. It didn’t hurt to walk but I’m just so out of it. Even as I write this, I’m nodding off. I just want to get everything down before it’s hours later and I forget everything that happened. I’m still waiting on a room but they just delivered me some Powerade Zero. I ordered that but they first brought me regular Powerade and I made them switch it. So I will be in here for a few days, until I have a bowel movement. It feels so nice already laying in bed and not having the weight of the feeling of a plastic bag on my belly. I feel free. It’s just so liberating.

Thank you for reading this far. I just really needed to get my journey out so it doesn’t feel like it never happened. If this helps just one person either mentally or physically then I would be ecstatic. 🤘🏻✌🏻👩🏻‍🦰

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homoregalis · 7 years

Text

Ryder Appreciation! Q & A

So, I just finished for the semester, and it’s time to show some freaking Mass Effect love! I know I still have the 30 day challenge I started TWO FREAKING YEARS ago, and I really want to get to that, but I keep having a combination of life, computer crashes, and the like getting in the way. So, for the time, I’m going to answer some ME:A questions about my Ryder! Dunno where these came from, but I’ma answer all of them!

Ryder Character Questions:

1. Your favourite quote

- “I am Pathfinder. Rah bah bah bah!” in response to the Kett guy on Eos getting all lippy on the radio

2. Share a screenshot of your Ryder:

3. Full Name?

- Elizabeth Miriam Ryder

4. Origin/Meaning of the name

- Nothing particularly. Elizabeth and Miriam are both generic abrahamic names

5. How did you come up with the name and why did you chose it?

- Elizabeth is a name that works for anyone, to me at least. It can be high class or working class, royalty or the great unwashed masses, doesn’t matter, it sounds right. Miriam as a middle name was an aesthetic choice, as most last names like Ryder, that are so short, feel like they flow better off of a middle name to me.

6. Did Ellen or Alec chose the name for your Ryder? Or did your Ryder chose the name?

- Ellen. Alec named Scott. Ellen’s side of the family is of European-Canadian extraction, where as Alec is Asian-American having been born and raised on the continental side of the Sierra Nevadas, right in their foothills.

7. What pronouns does your Ryder use?

- Elizabeth has never cared much, but uses traditionally feminine pronouns.

8. Gender identity

- Female, although she doesn’t ascribe any particular meaning to that. She does what she wants, and by definition it’s feminine because she’s female, as far as she’s concerned.

9. Sexuality

- Bisexual, with a preference for female partners.

10. Date and Place of Birth

- 21st April, 2161 in Hong Kong.

11. Manner of Birth (Was Alec there? How long did it take? Were there any complications?)

- Unsurprisingly, Alec was off doing something or other and generally being a distant, if loving, individual. The births were reasonably easy, although Scott required careful rotation to stop him getting tangled in his umbilical

12. First Words?

- “No!” Turns out Ryder developed a distaste for celery at an early age, and wasn’t afraid to tell anyone about it.

13. Is your Ryder the older or younger sibling?

- (In line with ME:A canon) Older, by a few minutes. Although if you asked Scott he’d just say they were twins.

14. Does your Ryder have siblings? (CanonTwin and more)

- Just her and her “little” brother Scott.

15. Zodiac Sign?

- Taurus the bull, in the Year of the rooster.

16. Does your Ryder have a catchphrase?

- Only if cursing under your breath counts. That and, well, she’ll mutter “Funtastic” when she gets frustrating news too, I suppose.

17. Dominant Hand? Or is your Ryder ambidextrous?

- She’s fairly capable of a lot of things with both hands, like shooting or using scissors or the like, but is definitely right-hand dominant, and favours her right hand, particularly for fine tasks, like writing..

18. What does their autograph look like?

- “E. Rsquiggle” is probably the best description.

19. Describe your Ryders handwriting:

- A sloppy pseudo-cursive. She links her letters, but isn’t super consistent, and will not infrequently capitalize words in odd places, especially on words that start with “h”.

20. Height

- 5′ 9″, or about 175 cm.

21. Weight

- 170-185 pounds, or about 77-84 Kg

22. Bloodtype

- A-negative, from her mother’s side.

23. Any birthmarks that stand out?

- she has a couple of noticeable moles, one larger on her right hip, and another just above her right butt-cheek. Both feel consistent with the surrounding skin, and both are quite round in shape, looking like little more than spots of brown skin.

24. Hair (Length, Colour, Does your Ryder change it on different occasions? Describe it, share some screenshots or if you’re an artist maybe draw your Ryder with different hairstyles?)

- She tends to wear it relatively short, especially when on some kind of off-world assignment, but does grow it out in her down time, with it always ending up in a pony tail tied at the base of her skull. Elizabeth thinks it’s really pretty when it’s braided while long, but can only wear it braided if someone does it for her. Her hair is a black colour.

25. Eye Colour

- Green-Brown, leaning towards brown.

26. Do they look like their parents? Are there more resemblances with Ellen, Alec or a completely different relative?

- Scott inherited Ellen’s more Caucasian look. Elizabeth takes after her father, with his Asian ancestry clear in her features.

27. Do they like the way they look? Would they change anything about them if they had the chance? What would they change and why?

- Elizabeth is fairly comfortable with her body. She occasionally wishes she was a little taller, and had a slightly more curvaceous back-side, but generally she rocks what she’s got, and is damn happy to do so.

28. Any scars? How did they get them?

- She has the visible remnant of a well-healed scar on the left side of her face, from damage she got in a fire-fight with Batarian raiders, and a small scar on her lower lip from where a particularly feral street cat swatted at her as a girl.

The burn scar in evidence. The lip scar requires much... closer inspection.

29. Somatotype?

- She doesn’t know or care, and neither do I?

30. Do they wear make up? Are they good at it? Do they apply it for routine or because they have fun doing it?

- Elizabeth will wear a light foundation, and lipstick when on a date, but generally avoids make up else-wise. She’ll rock the messy make-up look for a night at the clubs with the girls though. Day to day, she doesn’t care to wear make up.

An atypical night out, no eyeliner in sight.

31. What’s your Ryders diet like? Did they listen to Lexis advice?

- Growing up with a busy mother and an absentee/distant father, the Ryder twins learned to appreciate Hong Kong’s street food, and often found their selves eating to-go from local restaurants, leading to a healthy life-long obsession with Chinese cuisine. Ryder eats plenty of veggies, usually stir-fried just enough to char at the edges, but be crisp and fresh else-wise, by choice. Lexi was preaching to the choir.

32. Favourite food and is it still available in Andromeda?

- She loves Mapo Dofu, and while soybeans and tofu were a few of the first food crops to be planted, the szechuan pepper is pretty far down the list. She also really likes Char Siu Bao, but they’re hard to come by too. Scallion Pancakes though are on the menu, much to her relief.

33. Weird food combinations they like?

- Mayo on her hot dogs.

34. How is their relationship with food? Do they enjoy cooking and eating or do they just see it as necessary for survival?

- Elizabeth loves cooking, and finds it tremendously cathartic. She also tends to stress eat though, and tries to be mindful of that. But she loves food, and all the attendant cultural and social elements that accompany a good meal.

35. Fitness (Any exercises? Yoga? Working out?)

- Kicking Kett ass, and a good general exercise regime. She enjoys boxing, and spends a lot of time with the punching bag, as well as the exercise bike where she can watch old tv shows.

36. Does your Ryder take any medications?

- She has medication for migraines and and inhaler as needed for asthma.

37. Any allergies?

- She has worse than usual seasonal allergies, and reacts roughly to furry animals when she first meets them. She’s also been chock-full of allergy meds since arriving in Andromeda, with her allergies going into over-drive around all these alien lifeforms.

38. Is your Ryder neuroatypical? How do they deal with it? Did the events in Andromeda affect their mental health in any way? Does your Ryder use stimming methods?

- Elizabeth has ADD/ADHD and suffers from dyslexia. She has a tendency to pace, and to play with her hands, such as touching her finger tips to her thumb in sequence repeatedly, when she’s having an off day.

39. Wardrobe (What clothes does your Ryder prefer? Did they take any clothes with personal history with them to Andromeda?)

- Elizabeth is decidedly a t-shirt/tank top and shorts girl, and took a decent selection of nice every-day cloths with her (well, as nice as luggage space for Andromeda allowed) as well as a pair of high-heels, a nice dress for polite company, and a couple of all purpose skirts She’s not a big bra person, although she has a couple for dressing up, with matching bottoms. She generally favours boyshorts. She also has the Andromeda issued wardrobe of socks (knee length in her case), shoes, trousers, long sleeve shirts and jackets, which keep her covered for the elements, and round out her wardrobe.

40. Any Accessoires they always take with them?

- Elizabeth has a 4,000 year old Asari family heirloom ring, given to her by a close Asari colleague when she got into the Andromeda initiative, so that her Asari friend knew that some part of her family had made it to another galaxy. Elizabeth wears it on a length of paracord around her neck at all times.

41. Stuff they always carry with them? (Nail File, Earbuds, Gum etc)

- A Flashlight. As a child, Elizabeth was particularly uncomfortable in the dark, and Ellen got her a a little pocket flash light so she would always have a light with her. Elizabeth kept it up, although these days her flashlight has a crenelated bezel that could crack a Turian’s face plate.

42. Any piercings/tattoos? When and why did they get them?

- Elizabeth used to have three eye-brow piercings above her right eye, but never wears jewelry on assignments, and so hasn’t worn them in years. She also has a mosaic of inter-connected tattoos on her left shoulder and upper arm, part of an eventual sleeve, documenting major firsts, like the first time she left Earth, the first Prothean dig she joined, and most recently, being one of the first humans to leave the milky way, which she got before they left, figuring they’ll either make it, or die trying, and that no-one would know her hubris if they failed.

43. What’s their hygiene like? Do they shower after every mission?

- Ryder showers daily and does all the usual hygiene maintenance, but otherwise doesn’t go the extra mile. If she’s feeling lazy on a weekend, she’ll just stay in and not worry about showering and all that, but other wise, keeps clean enough.

44. Scent?

- Pretty generic. A little musky when she’s been sweating her skin off doing something, and back when she helped secure digs, she’d often smell of that weired burned-metal/steak smell of hard vacuum, or dusty from spending time in the archaeology labs chatting with her fellow nerds. Out in Andromeda, she’s finding it a nightmare to not have a slight smell of stale sweat everywhere she goes with the long hours she’s spending in her envirosuit, often days at a time.

45. Do they use any perfume/cologne?

- Occasionally a light perfume for more formal occasions, usually something lightly floral, but otherwise, she’s a speed-stick and go kinda gal.

46. Voice?

- A light, pleasant contralto, with a tendency to speak a little sing-songy, her words a little lyrical.

47. Accents/Dialects?

- Her English is generally neutral, the result of spending her early life in Hong Kong, and later in Canada and else where. There are clear hints though of the lingering Hong Kong accent with its subtle British notes. Her Cantonese is clearly from Hong Kong though, and her French sounds mostly Parisian, although it’s clear there’s an outside influence, the result of it being her second language (after her joint mother-tongues of English and Cantonese)

48. Impediments?

- Elizabeth suffers from intermittent stuttering, although a life-time of experience with it has made it much less common in her speech, and it only surfaces as much any more when she’s upset or angry.

49. Are they good at singing?

- Her voice is sweet, but mediocre, although she can just about hold a tune. Much more a sing-along voice than an opera voice.

50. Describe their laughter:

- Elizabeth’s laughter is usually loud and full. Outside of that it could be a snigger, a bark, a chortle, a giggle, a snort, or just about anything, although she tends more towards bursts of full-on belly laughter.

51. Languages?

- English, Cantonese, and French.

52. Did they enjoy their time in school? Were they a good student?

- Elizabeth would have hated school if it wasn’t for her brother Scott being there to make it bearable. They’re both quite smart, but Elizabeth never enjoyed the everyday grind, and was less outgoing than Scott, and so didn’t socialize as much. Having her brother there gave her someone to engage with who was smart enough to keep up, helped her socialize a lot more easily, and made school doable for Elizabeth. Grades wise, she did excellently on tests and papers, but often only did just enough on busy work, and so had good, but not stellar, grades.

53. Do they swear a lot?

- Frequently, yes.

54. Temperament:

- Although prone to anger and frustration, Elizabeth takes pains to be professional and rational in her work, and to give people the benefit of the doubt. She rants and raves in private, but with friends and loved ones takes the time to try and be supportive, and to have patience even when something is trying, not always with success. Professionally she channels her tendency towards anger into righteous indignation and a vengeful zeal to achieve in spite of those who cross her, if at all possible achieving at their expense in the process.

55. Is your Ryder religious? Did the events in Andromeda made your Ryder question their faith?

- Elizabeth says she was “born Atheist”, religion never being a major component of her family life, and she herself never seeing the need for a god in a universe where science, day by day, kept peeling back the boundaries of the unknown. Andromeda just emphasized that, with the speed with which the new mysteries were being solved using good, old fashion, mortal science. One of her favorite quotes is “Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe that there are fairies at the bottom of it too?” by Douglas Adams.

56. Their opinion on politics/political party?

- Elizabeth understands and sympathizes with the Earth-first stances of some parties, believing that the Systems alliance is sometimes too eager to seek the approval of the council. At the same time, she believes that Humanity’s place is as a major member of the Galactic political scene, and that growing ties with other races is essential. She particularly supports growing ties with the Turians, who have been at times the worst critic of and best ally of the Human cause in turn. With many younger Turians, and a fair few veterans of the first contact war, seeming to support closer ties with humanity, who they see in many ways as a kindred species, particularly since Humanity attained a council seat for Commander Shepard’s heroic actions during the attack on the Citadel (to Ryder) only a few years ago, she feels that her instinct towards galactic integration being vindicated. She supports the tight interplanetary trade regulation that the Systems Alliance maintains, on the basis that Human industry such as Hahne-Kedar would get crushed by the likes of the Elkoss Combine or Elanus Risk Control if they had to compete in the Earth Market the same as they do interplanetarily. It would be impossible to establish the high-end market segment they have if they weren’t able to found their sales earnings in human space. Her view is to look at the suffering that globalized deregulation caused to people in the 21st century, and use that as a lesson for future trade and economic policy. Ryder is also generally in favor of greater recognition for member races of the Citadel accords in formal decision making processes, although she supports limiting executive functions to the most populace races out of a pragmatic desire to avoid grid-lock.

57. Morality?

- She tends towards idealism with a healthy leavening of cynicism. She believes that sometime the most virtuous act, the act that causes the least suffering to the innocent, and which most rapidly solves a problem, is the use of force. She supports Alliance military action in the Verge, and proportionate response against Batarian forces and anti-slavery raids into Batarian space, as well as the expansion of the fleet to make it clear to Arahot that Humanity can and will crush them if pressed. So, she’s in the “speak softly, and carry a big stick” school of morality. That you should seek idealistic goals, but do so with an eye towards realism and pragmatism.

58. Assuming the Renegade and Paragon alignment still existed in Andromeda, how would your Ryder react? What would your Ryder chose?

- Broadly Paragon, with a dash of Renegade. Likely more Renegade than Shepard in ME1 or ME3, and about as Renegade as ME2, on account of having to deal with a broader range of galactic society, not just its best and brightest.

59. Etiquette:

- Elizabeth tends to be polite and formal with strangers, but is usually quick to ease up on formality after meeting someone, although the manners never quite go away, even when shit-talking her closest friends.

60. Attitude:

- She has little patience for people who are disingenuous, callous, or generally incapable of pulling their head out their ass and showing common courtesy. Outside of that, she’s fairly laid back and polite.

61. Outlook on life (pre and post andromeda)

- Generally positive. She sees Human space, and the council now that they’ve gone through the shock of Saran’s attack, as moving in the right direction, and she sees the broad appeal of the Andromeda Initiative to be enheartening. Since arriving in Andromeda, she’s felt affirmed in her positivity with the general goodness of people, although she’s angry that the shittiest people seem to gravitate at the top.

62. Any vices?

- Plenty ;) rich food, good quality rum, and Merino wool are just some of the more public.

63. Virtues?

- A very strong sense of right and wrong, and a tendency to give people the benfit of the doubt, as long as they aren’t just trying to save their own skin.

64. Do they live after a specific motto/philosophy?

- Not really?

65. Priorities in life and job:

- Surviving in Andromeda, getting a date with Vetra, and settling down somewhere with a view.

66. What motivates your Ryder?

- A hunger for new horizons and a chance to spread life beyond the paltry borders of our little galaxy.

67. Self Confidence?

- Miles of it, although, not with out doubt.

68. Self Control?

- Enough, although she does stress eat, and can like a drink too much.

69. Self Esteem?

- Lots, although she can feel that failures in her mission are her fault, even when they aren’t, and to take responsibility for things she didn’t have control over.

70. What would absolutely crush your Ryders confidence?

- Nothing, short maybe of getting her team killed.

71. Any quirks?

- I mean, yes. She’s a human, not a Geth. The most notable is that she has intermittent twitches around her eyes, especially her left.

72. Did your Ryder have any hobbies before Andromeda? Are they still able to maintain them on the Tempest? Did they found new things to do?

- Well, archaeology. She also enjoyed gaming, particularly racing and sports games that support split-screen multiplayer so she can thrash Scott.

73. Closet Hobbies

- Light BDSM.

74. Guilty Pleasures

- The occassional Cigarette, cheescake, ecchi manga.

75. Habits

- Always goes to the bathroom first thing after waking up, hates being awake until she’s had some caffeine so she bee-lines for tea, or caffeinated soda, or a caffeinated energy drink. Always hits the exercise bike up before bed to listen or watch something without just sitting on her ass.

76. Desires

- She’s beginning to want to settle down and start a family. Also, on the down-low, she wishes Drack would adopt her as another grand-daughter.

77. Wishes

- She’d like it if the initiative’s textiles equipment would get up and running fully so she could get some summer dresses.

78. Traumas

- Nothing especially. Her Mother’s death, her Father’s death, and her Brother’s injury are the big ones. Being treated a little as an outcast on account of only being part-Asian when she was young in Hong Kong, fitting neither into the local community, not the immigrant community.

79. Worries

- Plenty, but mostly transient.

80. Any nervous ticks? Do they bite their nails, chew their hair? Do they suffer from the shaky leg syndrome?

- Her legs bounce when she’s restless, and she looks around her surroundings a lot more when nervous. If she’s standing, she’ll bounce slightly, but noticeably, on the balls of her feet.

81. Soothers?

- A nice cool bed.

82. Soft Spots

- Kittens. When Turians do that thing with their mandibles. Anyone who cooks.

83. Accomplishments

- Becoming Human Pathfinder. Settling a bunch of colonies. Her work on archaeological digs, and coming the top end of her Alliance class are both points of pride for her.

84. What do they consider their greatest achievement?

- Eos.

85. What do they consider their greatest failure?

- Alec dying. She feels there must have been something more she could do.

86. Earliest Memory?

- Having noodles from a little bowl as a girl at dinner with her mother and brother.

87. Fondest Memory?

- Seeing space for the first time.

88. What are their dreams like?

- Elizabeth rarely dreams, but when she does, her dreams tend to be quite realistic. She does frequently suffer from fever dreams when sick though, and those are quite disorienting.

89. Happiest moment before their departure to Andromeda?

- When she first got deployed to secure a Prothean dig site. The two things that fascinated her as a child were space and the depth of history in the cultures around her, particularly in Hong Kong and, when she studied there, in Paris. She always knew space was going to become part of her life, but finding out she was going to get to reach out and see, first hand, the uncovering of a truly mysterious past in a Prothean ruin, discovering mind-boggling technological wonders that were 50,000 years old already, that really got to her.

90. Happiest moment in Andromeda:

-The first time she returned to Eos and saw it bustling after all the failures that came before.

91. Most valuable possession?

- SAM. She’s bonded with him in a way that’s impossible to describe, and already in the very short time she’s had him, she knows she’d find loosing him unbearable.

92. Do they collect anything?

- Misfit crew members and rocks. Elizabeth loved rocks as a kid, and found them fascinating, and she has ever since. She had to leave most of her collection behind, but smuggled a couple of the choicer small ones along. She didn’t know her father had a special rock until they arrived in Andromeda. Kinda made her feel a little closer to him.

93. Humour?

- Dry, dark, and cynical. The “worse”, often the better, as long as the joke is well crafted.

94. Likes

- I mean, lots of things? Misty rainy days are pretty far up there, as are cool sheets after a long day, and hot cocoa.

95. Dislikes

- Bad manners and disregard for basic niceness.

96. Favourite things in life:

- Perry the Pyjak, because he’s adorable! Also, Kallo and Suvi’s general dorkiness. And how much Drack is a total goober around his grand-daughter. And generally people having a soft and tender side with the ones they care for.

97. Profile:

- She’s an all rounder, and loves using her biotics to blink through things. *Whoosh-pop!*

98. Preferred Weapons:

- A Mattock assault rifle with scope for distance, as a compromise between accuracy, weight, rate of fire, and ammo capacity, giving her both a ranged precision weapon as well as an acceptable weapon for close to medium range engagements if pushed. For closer up, a modified Hurricane submachine gun, and for medium engagements a modified phalanx pistol that auto-fabs explosive charges, allowing her to put a lot of damage down range quickly.

99. Describe their fighting style:

- Again, a bit generalist. In open engagements, she tries to keep her distance and focus from target to target, methodically picking them off, and generally prefers to keep enemies as far away as possible just so she takes fewer hits. In enclosed spaces, or when pushed, she jumps from target to target, using her biotics to throw and yank enemies about, and to generate a barrier so she can close and use her biotics to “melee” opponents, nevermind blinking about the place to disorient the enemy.

100. Speciality:

- Controlled Biotic pulls. She can capture multiple objects, and keep them captured for a long time. While her other skills are decent, her throw especially being quite potent, her skill at capturing objects in a controlled biotic field is a cut above the rest.

101. Favourite Squadmates:

- Vetra and Drack. While she can tolerate the others, she actively enjoys Drack-and-Vetra’s company. She finds Cora preachy, and too serious, to the extent it interferes with her ability to do her job in ‘Liz’s opinion; She finds Liam obnoxious, although generally competent, despite a tendency to not plan ahead; She finds Peebee childish and trying, having little time for her facade of “mystery”; She finds Jaal’s attitude to be superior, his people to be even more prone to blind bigotry than most milky-way races, and their collective assertion that their emotional openness is somehow empowering to be little more than an excuse to emotionally degrade each other without long term consequence, and while it might not be fair to lump Jaal in with his people, his general adherence to defending their stances seems to be unthinking enough to ‘Liz that she feels he’s contributing to culture that is inherently unaccepting of genuine dissent and disagreement.

102. How do they handle the Nomad?

- Like a pro. Elizabeth had extensive experience driving off-road under various planetary conditions with the Alliance, and the act of driving appeals to some nerdy core of her personality that enjoys the precision of the act, the engineering, and the knee quivering power.

103. How do they maintain their sleeping pattern?

- These days, with SAM’s help, although Elizabeth has struggled to maintain regular sleep patterns since childhood, often relying on strict regiments of alarms to wake, and prescribed medicine to sleep.

104. Any traditions they value?

- Far to many to list. While Elizabeth is a forward facing and thinking woman, she recognizes the importance of the past, and is prone to cherishing the small things from it, like analogue time-pieces, and cooking over fire. Particularly important to her are manners, simple basic manners. She feel that in day-to-day life, they take no true effort, and signify a general respect for your fellow beings,

105. Culture?

- Most of Elizabeth’s culture comes from Ellen and Alec’s generally western Earth background, but an early childhood in Hong Kong definitely gave ‘Liz an element of awareness of Asian cultures and history, as well as informing her own worldview and mindset, and she embraces facets of Asian cultures generally, from appreciating the reverence for the natural world in Shinto and the search for inner peace of Buddhism, to things much more simple, like the slight bow that accompanies every “thank you” that passes her lips.

106. Eating Habits:

- Generally healthy, but sometimes too much. Elizabeth has struggled with Stress eating throughout her life.

107. Any pets?

- Just Perry the Pyjak. She had, with her brother, a cat and a dog as a child, the cat in Hong Kong, where a house-pet was more realistic, and a dog in Canada, where the larger suburban environments made walking and playing with a pooch doable.

108. Work Ethic:

- She avoids it when she can, but if something grabs her eye, or will clearly have a real world impact, she’ll work at it efficiently and well.

109. Does your Ryder have a criminal record?

- A couple public intoxication charges from college, an indecent exposure charge, and a few vandalism charges from graffiti as a teen.

110. Degrees?

- Two bachelors, one in Anthropology with emphases in the application of archaeological methods and xeno-anthropological principles, and one in Political Science, with focus on modern galactic relations.

111. Who is your Ryders best friend on the Tempest?

- Kallo.

She find him so easy to talk to, and so nice. To be honest, she has a bit of a crush. Besides, he’s just the best to hug! Most of all, he’s sensitive and patient. He’s the only crew member Elizabeth feel like she doesn’t need to be strong for. It was something about the way he was cheerful and joking from the get go, but always professional. She felt and instant fondness and connection.

112. Does your Ryder have any role models?

- Elizabeth has a fondness for those who pushed frontiers. She always admired Norgay and Hillary for refusing to say who reached the summit first. Also the early astronauts. To her, those kinds of people, often possessed of a surprising humility in contrast to the grandeur of their achievements, people who went to the unknown places to do the notionally undoable are the manifestation of the human spirit.

113. Any heroes and/or mentors?

- Not particularly, although she approves of Commander Shepard’s pioneering course as a Spectre, and her bright optimism in an often cynical galaxy. Elizabeth still remembers when the press photos first released of Shepard’s crew receiving commendations, and how it was so diverse, so different from what anyone suspected. Turian shoulder-to-shoulder with Humans and a Krogan, a Quarian helping the galaxy despite the tremendous mistreatment most received in galactic society, and the Willaim’s sisters, their family name no longer mud because of their forbears, accepting the highest Alliance and Citadel commendations for bravery on behalf of their fallen sister.

114. What is their reputation in Andromeda?

- Broadly positive. She has a reputation for helping those who need it, and not believing any problem is too small. She also has a reputation for crushing the life force out of you with her biotic powers, or burying a bullet in your head from behind a rock outcropping if you get in her way, or cause undue ruckus, or generally want a fight. She’s well brutal to those she considers threats, and the word is spreading.

115. Do they have a strong opinion on pineapples on pizza?

- They do not have a strong opinion, but they approve of people eating what they enjoy. Elizabeth herself rarely has pizzas with pineapple, but doesn’t mind.

116. Ever stole something?

- Nothing important. Strictly speaking she broke galactic law by ferreting away a small Prothean artifact from a dig, a small piece of a shattered and tremendously damaged base relief.

117. Is your Ryder the kind of person to play pranks? If yes, what did they do?

- Not really. Elizabeth more enjoys word play. Although she does occasionally enjoy getting a rise out of people, and can be a little gadflyish

118. Any “classic” movies they love?

- Apollo 13, 2001: A Space Odyssey, The Blasto Movies because they’re like a comedy-action James Bond, and Star Wars Excluding episodes I, XIII, and XIX. Turns out that most galactic cinema is trash. the galaxy lost its shit when Star Wars was re-released for galactic showings, and Elizabeth remembers seeing it in London where it was being shown in the original English, in a theater packed with aliens in the city on business. She swears the Turian ambassador was in the back row.

119. Your Ryder once uploaded a video that went viral. What was it about?

- Biotic gymnastics. She did an Uneven bars set without any bars in full combat gear while on deployment near the verge. Gave her a decent reputation for biotic skill.

120. Describe your Ryder in one vine

- No.

121. What tropes fit your Ryder?

- She feels like a Pint-Sized Powerhouse next to Drack and Vetra, a Brainy Brunette, an Action Girl, a Magic Knight, with Mind Over Matter skills, a real One-Woman Army, who tends towards the cross road of Good Is Not Nice and Good Is Not Soft when someone gets on her bad side. Oh, and she totally has a Violently Protective Girlfriend...

Vetra, in a peaceful moment between murdering Kett and other sundry villains.

122. Favourite Song?

- Just one? Uh, Spirit in the sky by Norman Greenbaum?

123. Do they play music in the nomad?

- Not normally. I mean, in and around the colonies, sure, but out in the wilds? Why play music and ruin the breath-taking awesomeness of the unknown?

#Mass Effect: Andromeda #Fem!Ryder #Ryder #My Ryder #Pathfinder #Pathfinder Ryder #Questions #Answers #Questions and Answers #Q&A #Seriously though Grandpa Drack would be the best can you imagine him dressed up as Santa?

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jenroses · 7 years

Text

Sometimes it’s really hard to write about other people’s happy times when it reminds me of when I was strong and thought I could do almost anything.

Sometimes it’s an escape, but sometimes it’s just a really rough reminder of how hard I’m struggling right now.

The true answer to “How are you” behind the cut. It ain’t pretty.

The nausea is bad right now. Every week it’s a little worse, Saturdays. The dosage hasn’t changed, once a week I sit on the toilet lid while my husband is in the bathtub, and I swab alcohol between the stretch marks on my belly while he reads some old book or another (literally old, he’s on this kick and I think he’s up to the late 18th century? Maybe 19th? Idk.)

I swab the top of the tiny vial of vile chartreuse poison. It’s thick: in the little glass container it rolls thinner than honey, but thicker than oil.

I pull out a syringe and draw .8 ml of air into it to push into the vial, in order to not create too much suction inside when I’m trying to pull the thick liquid into the needle.

The flashback comes when I get ready to inject, every time. When I was pregnant, I pushed a much larger amount of fire into my belly twice a day, every day, for most of ten months. It hurt, it bruised, and it kept me from clotting, and it meant that I survived a pregnancy without clots, long enough to give birth to a bundle of ornery sunshine.

Methotrexate does not keep me from clotting. This is poison, and it’s only once a week, and the needle doesn’t even hurt going in. It doesn’t hurt pushing the medication in. But I know what’s coming.

I do this before I head to bed. It’s almost always six or seven in the morning, because I dread it, and I want to milk the last of the “feeling okay” I’ve finally managed to achieve by the time I’m six days out from the shot. So I stay up too late, and then collapse into bed and cease to function for the rest of the weekend.

I sometimes think that I’m making too much of it. It’s only a little bit of chemo. For cancer, it would be 10-25 ml, not .8. It could be worse. I could be taking it orally and killing off my gastrointestinal tract. With the blood thinner I’m on, that seemed like a bad idea, so shots it is.

When I let myself think that way, I do ill-advised things like decide I can fix shit and push through, like I did today when there was a crisis in the house over the fact that a DVD had come from the library as a blu-ray, for which we have no player. So I went to a store that had no electric cart to buy things that are literally way more expensive than a season of Game of Thrones could ever be, and came home to discover that there was literally no way to install anything on the computer that was supposed to get it. I sat there for an hour trying, on the wrong chair, which I should not have done, and then spent another hour trying to figure it out on a different computer. I emerged victorious, with a migraine and a blossoming fibro flare.

I take... take feels like the wrong word. I subject myself to methotrexate in order to keep my immune system under control, to prevent my body from waging war on my gut, my liver, my salivary glands, my lacrimal glands and the membranes around my knuckles. It doesn’t work nearly as well as steroids at making me feel good, but might have fewer side effects long term? It’s hard to say. Something is going to kill me, and whether it’s the rheumatoid arthritis or the medications to fight the rheumatoid arthritis, or the blood clotting disorder, or the meds I take to prevent clots from forming (when the real problem is that once clots form, they just don’t STOP)... I don’t know. My grandmother lived to be 101 and right now that feels like too damn long.

I have children. I have a husband. They need me, god knows why, and so I stay. I spent most of my time with my son today yelling at him. He’s five and it’s absolutely not his fault that my skin is so sensitive that touch is painful to me. I’m sure there’s probably a more graceful way to tell him that I just spent every last bit of energy I had making a couple of eggs that may or may not stay down and no, I don’t have the energy to deal with him wanting a new packet of salami and cheese when he hasn’t finished the cheese from the last one. He spent most of the day hanging out with his dad and his oldest sibling. My daughter is fortunately well cared for. We are protected from each other, but I wonder often what she thinks of our new reality, where she always has someone, but it’s almost never her mother because I can’t risk her feet or her teeth, because I can’t risk my temper or my lack of coping. Because I can no longer lift her, this child that I carried on my back for three straight years because she hadn’t learned to walk yet. I only stopped because I ended up with a clot and couldn’t lift anything.

Writing has been hard this week, because when I write I draw on my experience, and right now it hurts to remember that once, I was a dancer, once I was a competitive swimmer, once I stood in front of people trying to ignore a bigot and roused them to speak out against him.

When I write I remember the things I could do and the places I went. I did so much. And it feels like that is over. The last convention I went to hurt. I had a scooter, and pillows, and a hotel room to retreat to, and it hurt so, so bad that I now associate conventions, which were fun, once, with blinding pain.

The last one I went to was just before I was diagnosed. My joints were on fire. I thought I would need a wheelchair forever afterwards.

I’m afraid to go back to the doctor and tell them how much the methotrexate is hurting me because the alternatives are thousands of dollars per month.

We can afford it, I just hate being that much more of a burden. That money was supposed to let us enjoy my husband’s retirement. But the idea of going on a cruise? I don’t see it happening and I don’t know how to break it to my husband that it might not be possible.

I keep feeling like there are things I should be doing, like I should be trying, TRYING to exercise, like I should be trying to do something about my weight even though I know that trying to do something about my weight is not actually going to result in making healthier choices. There are barely any foods I can eat. No foods that are unambiguously healthy for me. The last thing I need to do right now is tell myself I can’t eat the few foods that don’t actively make me sick.

But today I tried to push through and I feel like I’m going to lose the entire week to it.

I have no extra resources for social niceties. I’m completely social-scripting my responses to comments on my fic (please keep making comments, it matter so much, just understand if my responses are short.) I’m making huge social errors because I’m misreading things because the only way I social is by applying cognitive effort and I just don’t have it right now.

I hear about people living and doing relatively normal things with RA. But my RA was not correctly diagnosed in a timely fashion. In retrospect, I think it started in 2014, but they didn’t have the right test in common usage so they shrugged and attributed my symptoms to “I don’t know some sort of inflammatory process probably related to EDS” and so by the time I was diagnosed, 29 joints were on fire and the antibody levels were so high they could not be accurately measured.

A lot of people with RA just have RA.

I have RA, EDS, Hashimotos, Sjogren’s, fibro, sleep apnea, allergies, IBS, and Factor V Leiden. I’m probably autistic, definitely neuroatypical, with massive sensory issues and a brain that does amazing things in a lot of areas and is utterly inept at the things people expect to be easy. If I write people well it’s because I’ve been studying human beings like an anthropologist since I was three years old. (I gave my mother a sheet of paper on which I’d drawn a wide variety of facial expressions because I was trying to understand facial expressions.)

Someone asked me once, “Have you considered that your problems might be psychological?” I laughed in his face. The idea that I could, via mental illness, magically clot the blood in my veins or sabotage my own thyroid? I mean, I absolutely have anxiety and intermittent depression issues, but ffs, those things don’t make my salivary glands swell to the size of golf balls. I get tired because my body is attacking myself, and exercise makes that process worse because it fucks with my immune system which is pretty good at fucking its own self up.

Someone asked me once why I pursued so many diagnoses. The answer was, “Maybe if they figure out the right one, they can fix something.” It’s not because I *like* collecting diagnoses. I miss being able to eat normally. I miss being strong and physically fit. I used to swim 10 hours per week. I used to ride horses. I used to go camping and loved it. I used to be able to build things with my hands.

I have to remind myself not to do those things.

I have to, because pretending I’m not sick makes me sicker.

Every shot I take seems to push me into a flare. Not a huge flare, just a few joints reminding me that this isn’t over. That this will never be over.

I got through the twice-a-day-Lovenox routine because I knew it was finite and i knew there would be a baby I wanted very much at the end of it.

I will be on methotrexate or something like it for the rest of my life.

It feels like poison. The sneaky poison that you think isn’t poison until your lips go numb even though you didn’t drink it. And then I sleep and think, “Well, at least I can sleep.”

And then I wake up and my whole body hurts, and the exhaustion pulls at me so hard, and I’m supposed to eat something so that I can take the small dose of steroids I’m still on, and I don’t want to eat because my stomach is on a boat.

Saturdays might as well not exist. Sundays aren’t much better. By Monday I can drag myself to physical therapy. By Tuesday I can drag myself to the grocery store. By Thursday I start to think, “I really should exercise” and on Friday I fight dread about the coming shot.

This morning my husband said, “I blame Trump.”

And I said, “You might as well. Stress increases inflammation, and most of my stress in the last six months has started with That Man.”

It is no mystery to me that so many people died last year.

The mystery is how we keep going when it’s hard.

“How are you doing?” asks a cashier. They all ask this. Everyone, locally. It’s a reflex thing.

And my brain won’t let me give the flip lie of an answer. I can’t say I’m fine. I’m not fine.

“I’m doing,” I echo. (Right now this feels like a lie, too.)

Sometimes they say, “How are you today?”

And I just say, “I’m here.”

Sometimes what doesn’t kill us just doesn’t kill us (yet).

I’m not stronger, I’m just not dead.

#Mine #rage against the chemo #I'm not fine #medical reality #rheumatoid arthritis #writing (or not)#needles #I cried at the best buy counter today

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annathemommy · 7 years

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Breastfeeding

Bullet points because it’s the only way I can organize my thoughts right now. If you send shitty messages, they’re either getting posted and I’m gonna shame you right back (because you’re horrible), or they’re going in the garbage. Empathetic, sympathetic, kind people get flowers and hugs.

Was all about “fed is best” when I was pregnant, since my mom didn’t breastfeed me-- she was very, very ill when I was born and had to take medications that would’ve made me sick. So I’ve always been open about either.

I really wanted to breastfeed once I had her. The first time she fed, I was so in love with the experience. I felt so happy and connected to her (yay hormones!).

I have eczema and very very dry skin. It started getting bad when I lived with my dog, but when I got pregnant, my hormones went nuts. My skin was red, scaly, and dry EVERYWHERE. I mean, everywhere.

I asked the nurses right after I had Arya if it was okay for her to breastfeed from me, since my nipples had been cracked/raw/bleeding since the 2nd trimester. They said yes, that it was safe as long as I wasn’t using my steroid ointment or anything other than nipple ointment so that it wouldn’t get into her bloodstream.

My milk didn’t come in until she was about 4 or 5 days old, which is normal. But that meant that she wasn’t getting much from me, and we had to supplement her with formula starting on the second day due to her high bilirubin levels.

My right nipple is completely inverted and even setting up a hospital grade pump on the highest level won’t pull it out beyond 2 minutes. Nipple shields were pretty impossible to work with as well. So I was breastfeeding her exclusively from my left breast.

Because of the eczema, after about 3 feedings, my skin would be completely raw and her latching would be incredibly painful. One of the 4 lactation consultants I met with said that my left nipple was partially inverted and very short, so even though she latches properly, it is still incredibly painful, even without the eczema exacerbating it.

If you’ve never experienced eczema, imagine a canker sore. Not quite the same pain (it’s probably on the same level in terms of scale, but it’s a very different type of pain), but if you rub the canker sore, it gets worse, right? Or when you scratch an itch too hard and you scrape the skin off and it takes forever to heal. Or when you fall and get road rash or something. That’s the pain of severe eczema. All. The. Time.

Because I’m still trying to breastfeed occasionally and start pumping again, it means my hormones are still at bizarro levels. The week I finally got my period back, my skin was so much nicer than it’s been in a year. Then I breastfed and am suffering through the worst flareup.

Deciding on bottlefeeding hasn’t been easy either. I constantly must wash my hands to make sure there’s no contamination, which means that the eczema on my hands never has a chance to heal. I can only use steroid ointment at night when my husband takes care of her, because I don’t want to touch her and her to be exposed to the ointment.

So my hands look diseased. No, really. Covered in cracked, red, dry skin. It routinely makes me cry because of embarrassment, vanity, but mostly because simply using soap to wash my hands causes intense stinging pain.

When I wad at the hospital, I had a nurse tell me the following: that I couldn’t take my allergy meds (to combat the worst of the allergy-induced parts of the eczema) because I would dry out my supply, despite already getting the ok from our pediatrician; that high bilirubin levels could result in Arya dying or getting brain damage (which, while technically true, is only when bilirubin levels are incredibly high. I had several doctors reassure me that this nurse was just trying to scare the crap out of me and Arya, while sick and in need of treatment, would never get to that stage of high bili levels).

That nurse, after speaking with a lactation consultant (one that clearly did not believe me that my raw nipple was due to eczema and thought I was lying) outside my door (so I could hear them), came back into my room and told me that I “shouldn’t bother breastfeeding and should just stick with formula since her bili levels were high”). The nice part of me thinks that she was trying to be reassuring and letting me know it was okay to feed Arya formula, but she was really very harsh and judgmental. At that point I had been in the hospital for 4 days, and was incredibly hormonal and anxious. We weren’t even in the labor ward, since there were no more rooms left (we were in a different ward, and our nurse was a volunteer from the labor ward. So it was one nurse among about 3-4 new moms, with no backup).

So yeah. Now when I think of breastfeeding, I think of guilt, pain and anxiety. I’ve seen psychiatrists for mild post-partum depression and they immediately told me to stop trying to breastfeed, since that was the major source of my anxiety and depression. I’ve read studies and books about formula vs. breastfeeding, and I know personally that formula is fine (since I am a formula baby).

The last lactation consultant I saw looked at me like I was crazy when I told her that I was trying to breastfeed, pump, AND use formula, and she gently told me that it was way too much and that I should choose what was best for me.

Choosing to use formula has immensely helped my sanity. Arya’s grandparents can help feed her, as can my husband. I have stopped pumping mainly because it reminds me that I can’t breastfeed her. And it reminds me of that perfect moment the first time I breastfed her when she was less than an hour old. And how at peace I was.

I don’t think it’s fair to hold mom’s to impossible standards of self-sacrifice. Yes, we all will sacrifice for our children. But mother’s should not be shamed into constant anxiety when there are other safe and healthy options. I frequently read posts from moms (on Facebook, tumblr, etc.) who say “I haven’t had more than 3-4 hours of sleep in the past 7 months!” and my immediately thought is “WHY?” And aside from economic reasons (having enough money to buy or rent a pump and bottles, etc.) or when there’s no enough support from other relationships (i.e. the father won’t help bottle feed, or the mom is a single mom, etc.), then WHY is this martyrdom acceptable.

The other thing the psychiatrists I met with said was that it was incredibly important for me to get at least 6 hours of sleep at least 3x a week so that my depression/anxiety would get better. I am lucky to have my parents live close by, my husband who will forgo sleep to feed Arya at night so I can get more rest, and my in-laws, who live in another country, but were incredibly helpful when they visited us in December.

It has been so much more important to me to be emotionally present and active with my daughter, to not be falling into PPD, and to be practicing self care in order to be the best mom I can be, then to be torturing myself for not being able to EBF.

#personal #breastfeeding #bottle feeding #mumblr

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polefitnessdancing · 7 years

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New Post has been published on https://polefitnessdancing.com/eating-for-health-or-fat-loss-while-learning-to-pole-dance-at-home/

Are You Eating For Health OR Fat Loss While Learning To Pole Dance At Home?

Sometimes in the world of fitness, weight loss, and nutrition, even the best of us can feel confused about what to eat to get the results we want.

The fitness industry is a trillion dollar industry. Marketers are working hard to make you believe that their product will give you better health, burn fat, give you more energy, glowing skin, reverse aging and so on.

I am now 38 and I find that the older I get the more my dietary needs change. In addition, I have become wiser when it comes to marketers schemes to take my money.

Age and time has also taught me that weight loss isn’t something you should sacrifice your health over…. And yes, a too much of a narrow-minded focus on losing body fat can leave you with nutritional deficiencies, a hormonal imbalance, deteriorating teeth, and a number of other health problems you didn’t see coming.

Trust me I know, it happened to me when I was diagnosed with a thyroid problem. I was in the top 5% of their patients who didn’t need educated about eating healthy organics, proper exercise, or the value of fitness in general, yet even though I was VERY educated on the proper foods and exercise and my body LOOKED like I was fit, the fact was that I had an abnormally high amount of nutritional deficiencies they had ever seen. On the outside I looked good, but on the inside I was falling apart, especially emotionally.

My hormones were wrecked (Im still trying to straighten them out), my metabolism was broke, my teeth were declining, and I had the most HORRIBLE PMS you ever saw.

That’s when I really learned that nutritional needs change as you get older and that doing everything you can to lose body fat without consideration for my overall health was a mistake.

It’s easy to get wrapped up in losing body fat and lose focus of your overall health.

I always wanted to look lean and fit since I was in high school. Fitness (and dance) have been a part of me for longer than I can remember. I have followed nearly every diet trend, tried every healthy “green drink” out there, studied GMOs and Monsanto in college, followed popular stars like Suzanne Somers, and tried some risky things to shred body fat that all the fitness competitors were doing. And after all that studying, I’m a bit overwhelmed! I’m over agonizing over body fat and pounds and I’m over reading contradictory material about how foods are bad for you …. And then they are good for you next year. I’m tired of the confusion and I bet you are too.

To be as lean as the women you see as top models in fitness magazines you must lead a somewhat unrealistic lifestyle, sacrifice a LOT, and put your body through a sliver of hell to get it to stay ultra-lean. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to live that way.

I do want to be healthy and toned. I want to know my body is strong, flexible with very few (if any) visits to a doctor’s office/dentist. I also want to enjoy my food, have a good beer, go to a party, laugh, and have less stress ( a lot less stress!!)

A healthy diet is still an essential component. So is exercise. But you can’t exercise enough to compensate for a junk diet. The only people I know that are able to “out work” a bad diet are major triathlon athletes. I’m not that person. I’m just an everyday girl and I always plan to be that way.

So what am I going to do about it? And what can you do about it if you are on the same page?

Well, I believe the first step is to understand what your body needs. While we are all human, we are not identical blueprints. The needs we have in our 30’s are different than they were in our 20’s.

We all have different fitness levels, different abilities, different diet challenges, different budgets when it comes to grocery shopping, and some of us have been through pregnancy while others haven’t, etc.

We are not exact BLUEPRINTS of each other and therefore, the supplements we take and the food we eat will not be identical for health or fat loss.

For example, I recently read an article about a lady who had been trying to recover from joint and muscle pain and she found out the major problem was her allergy to lettuce! She forced herself to eat it because it was “healthy” even though she didn’t like it.

That story inspired me, here’s why =>> I have hypothyroidism and take Armour Thyroid for it. I truly believe I can get off the meds someday (call me crazy if you want). But here’s my point: I always hated eating eggplant, broccoli, cabbage, and Brussels sprouts. I just don’t like them. Come to find out, all those food inhibit thyroid function, making my condition worse! My body knew what it did and didn’t want before I was even diagnosed! I bet yours does too.

Now, my body likes sugary drinks too! So let’s not get too crazy here. But you caught my point, right?

What if each of our bodies know what it needs to heal and be healthy every day? Are we listening to our bodies? Or are we listening to the media too much? These are thoughts I have been contemplating recently.

I believe truly healthy eating is by listening to your own body’s needs FIRST, and what the next hottest media trend is saying afterward.

I feel that we all have an internal knowing inside ourselves (our intuition) so to speak. Call it what you want. I feel a part of you and a part of me knows what to eat, what would give us more energy, and what would make us feel more alive.

We don’t have to believe every piece of advertising and we don’t have to believe everything people write. We need to learn to believe in ourselves in a stronger and powerful way even when we go have fun on our dancing poles.

I feel I (we all) need to do this with food too.

You have intuition, take a chance and start using it! Follow you heart with your eating habits too : )

And when you start to feel too fat or out of place like every woman does, just remember that the end of the day – the only real person you have to answer to is yourself. You are the one responsible for loving you and setting up the guidelines within yourself for what is acceptable and not – don’t let the media decide for you. Make a plan to lose weight pole dancing (or doing whatever you love) from your heart and intuition, not from what the media says. Nobody knows you life like you do.

You can make a personal “blueprint” diet for you and your individual needs and it will be the last diet plan you will ever need for health or fat loss.

Trust me, following you own eating path to health may feel confusing and a bit lonely at first. It’s even happened to me. I have chosen to stay a heavier body weight than i used to be because I’m focusing on the health of my adrenals and thyroid. I want better energy levels and to me, that’s more important than fat loss.

Does that choice affect me? YOU BET! As a fitness teacher I feel a bit like a failure. As a writer and dancer, I remember how I once looked in those pole dancing booty shorts and have MAJOR fears about recording more videos for my fans at a heavier weight. The pressure to set an example and stay thin is enormous and no woman escapes it.

New choices are scary! And there isn’t one person who will make a new choice for the better and feel 100% comfortable and that’s ok! Do it anyway!

Do what’s right by you and your heart and do it now. The older we get and the more time passes the harder it gets to undo the damage of poor eating and exercise habits.

Bring the love and joy back to your food and get rid of the boredom in exercise to make new choices easier as well.

I hope this helps you – it’s not a lot about learning to pole dancing for fitness in the article but I feel that nutrition is important and I want everyone to have more energy and just plain feel BETTER as we age, not worse!

Please post you comments below 🙂 I would love to hear your thoughts on this article.

#eating for health and fat loss #good eating habits for fat loss #good eating habits to become healthy #good food habits for fat loss #healthy eating #healthy eating habits #healthy lifestyle

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kythe42 · 7 years

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Today has just been a crappy day overall and I need to vent about a few things.

Today I went to see a new specialist because my ENT hasn’t been having much luck treating some of my symptoms(intense ear/sinus pressure sometimes with nausea/dizziness that comes on due to various triggers, but sometimes a specific trigger can’t be identified), and he wanted me to see an allergist that also has an immunology speciality.

The doctor himself was friendly enough, but I was less than impressed with the way that office was run. First of all, I was already annoyed that I had to be there much earlier in the day that I wanted to be. It’s very difficult to get myself moving in the morning, and having to rush around early to get ready to leave the house when I’m barely awake is very anxiety provoking. I know that this is my problem and not theirs, but it just sucked that it was the only time that really worked logistically.

So anyway, after they finally called me back, they wanted to do a lung function test, which I hadn’t been expecting, but I’ve done them plenty of times before, so it didn’t seem like a big deal, Unfortunately, my results on those tests vary depending on where I have it done. My results have always sucked at the ENTs office, but done at the pulmonologist’s office my results would be fine because different equipment was used. So the equipment they had was similar to what was used at the ENTs office and therefore my results sucked. They wanted me to use an inhaler and then redo the test. The inhaler they wanted me to use is one that I’ve had bad reactions to and I even stated so on the new patient forms which I submitted online several days before my appointment. So they knew it was listed as a drug allergy, and they knew which inhaler I normally use from talking to me on the phone. If they didn’t have my inhaler brand in the office, and had no plans to obtain it, they should have contacted me to make sure that I had my own with me. I did have mine with me, but since I haven’t needed it in over a year, it was expired and they wouldn’t let me use it for the test. If I knew in advance that I’d be needing it, I would have gotten it refilled from the doctor that prescribed it. The allergist said he’d call in a prescription for me so we could redo that test on my next visit. I told him my insurance wouldn’t cover it without prior authorization, and he said he’d just call it in anyway and then if it was rejected he’d do the prior authorization. I don’t know why he couldn’t just do it to begin with. I’m like 90% sure it’s going to be rejected because it’s a more expensive inhaler. It’s like he’s wilfully choosing to waste time.

Anyway, after the lung function test, I had to wait in the back waiting room outside the doctor’s office(separate from the front waiting room in reception) and shortly after sitting down back there, I started having a reaction to something, and the same sort of reaction that I was going there to get a second opinion about. I got this intense pressure in my ears that was really painful, and I was starting to feel a bit nauseous and light-headed. I didn’t think I smelled anything, but I asked some of the staff if there were any air fresheners around, and they said no, that it was against office policy and that they weren’t allowed to wear perfume or anything. Looking around I really couldn’t find anything that I thought would be the culprit. I started wondering about the potted tree at the end of the hall because I read that mold can grow on the soil of potted plants, but if that was the problem, there’s a good chance it would be a problem with the potted plants at home, too, so I ruled that out. Honestly, it could have been from some product that another patient was wearing earlier. The smell might have faded, but remnants of the chemicals could have still lingered in the air for hours afterwards.

I never did figure out what it was, but as I was checking out, I saw a sign on the wall next to the reception desk that I hadn’t noticed earlier which asked patients to refrain from wearing perfume/cologne. I said to the receptionist that I just noticed the sign and I never wear that stuff cause I’m allergic, but I wanted to know why no one had informed me not to wear that stuff before I came to the office. I said that a fragrance free office policy doesn’t really work if people aren’t notified before they get there. She said that they just hoped people would see the sign and then refrain from using those products the next time they came in. I seriously wanted to facepalm at that. I told her that they really should inform people before they come in so that they don’t trigger other patients. She said they’d take that under advisement, but I don’t have much confidence that anything will get done. Just my best working theory is that I was reacting to some product another patient had been using that lingered in the air after they left, since I’ve found no other explanation, and it just sucks that I have to be afraid of getting sick in an allergy clinic because they really aren’t enforcing their own policies.

Then backtracking a bit when I had the skin prick test done, I didn’t really react to anything other than the control prick. This really isn’t a good test for me since out of the other three times I’ve had this test done, I only actually had skin reactions to allergens once despite the fact that I’ve been having reactions to things like grass, mold, and dust for well over a decade. The last place I had it done performed an additional intradermal test were they actually injected the allergens deeper under the skin. I assumed that this was going to be done today since they told me I had to be there for three hours, but nope, I have to come back next month for that. So I’m really pissed off about that. not just at the inconvenience of having to come back, but because I’ll have to go off of my allergy meds again and suffer again for several days with painful pressure between my eyes and the nausea that goes along with it. The doctor suggested switching to another med that I only have to stop three days before the testing, and I guess I’ll try it, but I don’t know yet how effective it will be for my symptoms, and the best case scenario is that I’ll still be suffering for a few days when this could have and should have been taken care of today.

So yeah, this clinic just really didn’t make a good first impression on me overall, but unfortunately it was the only one I could find in the area that accepted my insurance, and I’d have to go a lot further to find someone else that does. Here’s hoping they can actually figure out a way to help me after all of the testing is done because it seems I’m having more and more problems, both at home, and out in public. I won’t hold my breath, though.

Then, as if my day wasn’t crappy enough, there was an incident with the medical transportation service I use. The company has been made aware that I have a severe allergy to fragrances, and that air fresheners are not to be used on the buses that I’m riding. So I got on the bus after it arrived at the clinic and didn’t see any air fresheners. I did think I smelled something off, but I wasn’t really sure so I didn’t say anything. Then after being on the bus for awhile I started feeling really ill. I got that severe pain in my ears, I became nauseous, and at some point my eyes started burning and my throat felt a bit tight. I told the driver that I was feeling really sick and asked if there were any air freshers on the bus. She said there was before but she took it down. I said so it’s not on the bus anymore? She said that it was in the trashcan. I told her that there was no difference between having the air freshener in an open topped trashcan and having it hanging up and that really there shouldn’t have been any air fresheners on the bus at all that day before I got on, because the smell tends to linger in and enclosed space. Actually, putting it in the trashcan was worse because it wasn’t visible to me, so I got on the bus without even knowing what I was walking into. The driver actively tried to hide the fact that it was there. She then snapped at me that I’d been added to her schedule last minute and that she had no where else to put it. Really, if she saw on my file on her tablet that I had this allergy and that there was air freshener on the bus, she should have called dispatch to tell them that she couldn’t take me and to have them get another driver to come. I said that I was feeling really sick like I was about to throw up, and that I couldn’t be on the bus with that thing. So she agreed to bump me to the top of the list before the other passenger on the bus and took me home first.

She did apologize after taking me home, and all I could really say was that she should have informed me of the situation before I got on so that I would have had the option to refuse the ride. She said she’d do that next time. I don’t know, I guess it’s just stupidity/lack of common sense on her part, but the fact that she knowingly let me get on the bus with an airborne substance she knew I was allergic to feels like assault, especially since it’s much more serious than a case of the sniffles. I’m definitely going to be filing a complaint about this, but I’ll probably hold off until I can speak to my social worker tomorrow, since I’ll probably come off way too abrasive if I try to do it on my own. I feel like the way they do things, they really aren’t going to be able to keep me safe unless they flat out ban air fresheners on the buses. It’s just too hard for them to try to make sure there aren’t air fresheners on the specific buses I’ll be on for any given day, especially if they keep changing the schedules around last minute.

Just I need them to take this more seriously. I am in the process of trying to see if there are other treatments for this sort of reaction, but so far I’m just being told to avoid my triggers by every doctor I’ve consulted about this over the years, because each exposure is just going to make it worse. Really, it’s a toxic reaction that affects the nervous system instead of or in addition to an allergy, but most people don’t understand what that means, so I just say allergy even if that doesn’t really explain the whole story. I rely heavily on this service to be able to get to doctor’s appointments, and I need to be able to ride the buses without being poisoned. If I have to, I might even try to get the American’s with Disabilities Act involved. I just know it’s probably going to be an uphill battle. I practically had to threaten them with a lawsuit just to get them to make any effort at accommodations to begin with after I nearly ended up in the ER after being trapped on a bus with multiple air fresheners.

I’m sure it sounds unreasonable to people that I’m putting all of the burden on others to keep me safe, but honestly I’m doing all I can do on my end and it isn’t enough. I do have meds I can take to deal with the asthma portion of the reaction, but it doesn’t help with the other stuff, and I can’t avoid exposure like my doctors keep telling me to if I don’t have cooperation from other people. I can’t even try to protect myself by wearing a mask because once hot humid air builds up inside of the thing from my own breath, I can’t breathe with it on. Maybe an oxygen tank/mask that would keep bringing me a supply of cool fresh air would help, but my insurance isn’t going to cover that, and I’m not sure I’d even be able to lug something like that around without help.

#Personal #Venting #Fragrance/Chemical Allergies

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