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dramaticviolincrescendo · 3 years

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I've really enjoyed your recent meta takes and was wondering if you could elaborate on your thoughts on Mandy + Ian and her going for Lip as a result (from your Ian Relationships meta)? I love reading about M+I and their connection is just so dear to me 😭

(P.S Thank you for being such a beacon of positivity in the Shameless fandom! I only got into the show during lockdown last year but it's become such a comfort so it makes me so happy to see positivity right now. ❤ )

Oh my gosh, thank you so much! You’re seriously too kind! I totally sympathize with you: Shameless has shot straight to the top of my list of comfort media since watching it right around the same time, so I’m really passionate about sharing the love around. 😃🧡

To me, one of the most important things to look at in this analysis is motives—who each of these characters are, what they desire for themselves, and how those factors fit together like a puzzle.

Mandy is in such a difficult position. It’s not as easy as saying that she’s a victim of abuse and wants nothing more than to get as far from her family as possible, because that’s simply not true. In s1, we see that she’s very comfortable in her house. She and Mickey exhibit your standard sibling animosity (and competition for Ian’s attention, unbeknownst to her), she makes breakfast for Terry even though she’s obviously not super respectful to him as a parent, and she clearly has a solid understanding of where her family stands in the neighborhood. In a way, she thrives on that in the beginning. At but a word, she can do serious damage to somebody without raising a finger herself. Viewing Ian’s lack of response to her advances as an insult, she takes full advantage of that. In s2, we know that she is being abused in such a heinous way. She takes charge of the situation, although not in a manner that would save her from it. She leaves the house for a while to avoid Terry; she holds him at gunpoint and forces him to accept what he already knows so that he won’t hurt Ian. When they talk afterward, she even recounts what happened in a way that makes it sound like no big deal—he was drunk, and he didn’t know who she was, so it’s whatever. (It isn’t. We know it isn’t. If this is going to be her reality, however, then she’s going to own it. No one will look down on her, especially not a Gallagher who’s barely ahead of her in social standing.)

We’ll pause there because so much of how Mandy changed afterward is tied to Lip, but we can already see that Mandy isn’t like Mickey. Mickey stuck it out with his family and very clearly fell into the same trap we’ve heard verbalized by other male characters, namely the notion that men can’t be abused. It doesn’t matter that that is entirely inaccurate—that’s what they’ve been taught in their environment. That’s what’s normal to them. (That’s part of the dramatic irony in this scenario: we can see how damaging and traumatic these events are, but the characters don’t have our perspective. I don’t think Mickey sees what happened to him as rape, just like Ian doesn’t see what happened to him as grooming or assault. That’s for the audience to comprehend in terms of gravity and should add to our sympathy for them.)

Mandy is different. Women are abused all the time in their neighborhood. It’s visible, and it’s pervasive. In s3, Mandy immediately teaches Debbie how to defend herself against it. She didn’t have to learn. Like not seeing themselves as victims is part of the boys’ culture, fighting not to be one is part of the girls’. But there’s a contradiction in her life: the Milkoviches are the neighborhood badasses, and while she shares in that, it’s limited by her sex. There is something she will never be able to overcome in order to see the same return on her reputation that Mickey and Terry do, not unless she gets out, which will be extremely difficult on her own merits. She’s living in poverty and not doing well in school. Her prospects are limited—she told the counselor so. Based on that conversation and her history with boys even before meeting Ian, she clearly sees one surefire avenue to get out of this hole she’s stuck in: a man with the resources to get out and take her with him. If she’s lucky, it’ll even be a good man with a good heart who wants to do good in the world.

Now, let’s talk about Ian. (See what I did there?) This doesn’t need to be long because I’ve already talked so much about Ian already lately, but let’s wax poetic just a bit. Ian wants to be a good person. He wants to be able to get by, even be successful, without having to do it through scamming and stealing. He has goals and ambitions, and whatever anybody thinks of those ambitions, he did it with the mindset that he would be a hero—a protector. Along with that, he never gives up. When Mandy sets her brothers on him, he doesn’t hide forever—he seeks her out multiple times to fix the situation. When he can’t get into West Point, he doesn’t quit ROTC and ignore his dreams. He keeps going.

Not only is he someone who wants to be good for himself, but he wants to be good for others too. He shows Mandy kindness that she arguably hasn’t seen from anyone else before. He takes care of his family when hers tends to focus on themselves and their own individual survival more of the time. Ian has what she would have seen as the potential to get out, and at the time, that is what he wants. It isn’t as an escape for him, but as a way to facilitate his own dreams.

The problem? Ian is gay. We can see that that bothers her sometimes because she forgets. She goes in for a kiss in s2 and has to reel back, settling for a hug instead. She gets tired of hearing him talk about Kash in s1 and kisses him to shut him up, saying she just wanted to kiss her fake boyfriend. Ian isn’t attainable. If Ian leaves, he won’t take her with him as a partner, and she can’t ask as a friend. How desperate would that seem to someone who refuses to be put in a position where she even slightly perceives him to be pitying her? She can’t ask. Not Ian. She needs someone else, someone who is also good and capable of getting out of here—who can be convinced to even if they don’t want to. Someone she can also trust and has some sort of connection with. Someone who is a fixer, and someone she can draw in with the only thing she thinks she has of any value: her body.

That would be Lip. Not only does he meet all of those criteria at the time, but she knows she can trust him. She trusts Ian, and Ian is closer to Lip than he is to anyone else—even her. No, Lip doesn’t have any convictions or real desire to leave, but he has potential. She can work with that. She’s also there for the entire Karen saga, so she knows that Lip is someone who takes his responsibilities to the people he’s with very seriously and tries so hard to cultivate that connection. (For example, feeding him, making herself sexually available as often as possible, letting him stay with her when he can’t go anywhere else without any conditions, etc. We even begin to see her distancing herself from Ian a little bit by s3, putting all of her energy into what she has with Lip when, a year ago, they were sneaking around because she said she didn’t want Ian to know about them. That isn’t to say that Ian was seeking her out either, being quite distracted with Mickey, but it’s noticeable for me.)

Like Mickey, Mandy also has a very deep capacity for emotion and affection that seems incongruous with her personality a lot of the time. Also like Mickey, nobody brought that out in her—it was always there. As much as she seemed to hope that Lip would take care of her, the process of growing closer to him led to a level of affection. I don’t particularly read their relationship as being a deep one. Both of them were using the other, to an extent, to deal with their trauma in other areas of their lives. But that sort of thing can foster a kinship, a mutual understanding that transcends time and place and even the terrible stuff that people do to one another.

So, it doesn’t work out. Mandy is hurt and does something unforgivable. She then runs from Lip, straight into what she feels is her only alternative now: an abuser. What else is there for a girl in her position? Ian was unattainable because of his sexuality, but to someone beaten down again and again, perhaps she believed he was also unattainable because he was too good a person. Lip was unattainable despite her best efforts to bridge that gap because of what he had with Karen, but to someone beaten down again and again, perhaps she believed he was also unattainable because her position in his life was to give but never to take. With Kenyatta, all she does is give. She’s embraced being beaten down because what else is there? She leaves with him, believing there’s nothing for her there.

When she finally finds her strength, far from home but hopefully under better circumstances than when she lived in Chicago, she still follows the formula that has ruled her decision-making for some time: finding a place where she can have the control over her life that was never there before, but still with the belief that what she has to offer isn’t academic or able to be built or improved upon. Ian has worked past his perception that his body was what he had to offer, that it was what would provide him with the love he was looking for. But of course, he has. He’s had Mickey to love him when he’s healthy and love him when he’s lost a bunch of weight from a depressive episode spent in bed. He’s had his family to mess up here and there but ultimately love him so much.

Mandy doesn’t have that. She didn’t then either. She got what she wanted—she got out. She even implied that that was the most important thing by telling Ian that being born on the South Side doesn’t mean that’s where they have to stay. But Ian “got out” of the spiral of abuse he unknowingly suffered and the mindset that it fostered while Mandy didn’t. This isn’t to say anything negative about sex work, of course, only the mindset that led Mandy to this point in her life. And when she leaves the house for the last time, she looks at Lip after having asked about him, and they acknowledge each other the way that people who once knew each other do.

I’ve made the joke before that to Milkoviches, Gallaghers are like catnip. It’s flippant and funny enough when we consider how many of them have dated at one point or other. I’ve also said the Milkoviches are designed as a foil to the Gallaghers, a juxtaposed image of what they could have been had their situation been altered slightly. In s10, Mickey mentions how the Gallaghers are messed up and he’s never been happier to be a Milkovich, so there’s some awareness there that these are the two notorious families of the neighborhood, albeit for different reasons. For Mandy to see that not one, but two Gallaghers are out of reach? To perhaps feel as though she’s less than even them, or made to feel that way in her interactions with Lip? It’s the ultimate slap in the face.

She trusts Ian more than anyone else in her life, to the point where she will still call him to help her hide a body long after she’s left him and their home behind. But trusting Ian led her to loving Ian, and she couldn’t have him. Trusting Ian led her to meeting Lip, and if Ian was so good and loved Lip so much, he had to be worth it too. And to her, he was. The problem was that she felt that she wasn’t.

Self-fulfilling prophecies suck: when you’re treated like garbage by a neighborhood that sees your family as garbage and repeatedly experience things that will make you feel like garbage around people with the best intentions, you’ll start believing that you are, in fact, garbage. I think what we’ve watched with Mandy is a steady decline from a place of strength in herself and weakness in her environment to an overall place of weakness that she couldn’t escape. Not with Ian and, when she realized that wouldn’t happen, not with the only real alternative she thought she could trust since she trusted Ian so deeply.

#shameless #shameless meta #ian gallagher #mandy milkovich #abuse tw

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flightsoffandom · 4 years

Text

Co-Conspirators Part 4

Pairs: Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Words: 7558

Summary: Strauss forces you and Hotch to talk to an UnSub that you would be much happier to forget existed. Even with Hotch’s protests Strauss orders you both to go. Once there things don't go exactly how either of you expected.

Warnings: Canon Criminal Minds level violence, Stalker-ish and creepy UnSub, vague mention of non-depression related self harm, and cussing.

Notes: Left completely gender-neutral. Was a good chunk of this chapter inspired by Season 3 Episode 14, ‘Damaged’, the scene where Hotch is ready to fist fight an UnSub to protect himself and Reid? Yes, yes it was. Took me a minute to write this because I wanted to do certain feelings in this chapter justice, hopefully it all came through and makes sense. Feel free to tell me if it didn't turn out as good as I intended it to be.

Continuation of Co-Conspirators – Part 1–Part 2–Part 3–Part 4*–Part 5–Part 6

After Aaron and Jack spent the night, your relationship progressed further. Not much changed, considering how busy you both were. But any extra time you both had was spent with each other. You knew that your feelings for him had grown, approaching the realm of love. You weren’t going to express those emotions, though. At least not first since you weren’t sure exactly what Aaron’s feelings were. While you knew Aaron was serious about this relationship, you wanted to wait for him to take the emotional confession lead. After all he had been through Aaron deserved to take things at whatever pace he needed too. It was a good thing you and Aaron had going. Even with having to keep the relationship a secret, it just worked between you two. You started staying at Aaron’s apartment more and more. Jack really seemed to enjoy having you around more often. You relished spending more time with Jack as well. Seeing him and Aaron interacting together and being able to spend time with them both was enough to make you forget about whatever horrible thing you had seen while on a case. Between hotel stays, while traveling for work and staying with Aaron, you barely made it back to your apartment anymore. You didn’t find yourself missing your place all that much. You did manage to get Aaron and Jack to stay the night at your place again once or twice, but it felt more like a vacation home of sorts than your own. Staying at Aaron's had become your happy little normal over a handful of months that helped relieve the burdens of work.

You were currently sitting in Hotch’s office with the door closed. Usually, this could have a chance at being a fun time, but considering Strauss was closed in here with the both of you. It was far from a good time. Hotch was irritated and couldn't completely hide it from his voice, “We won't be going.” You bounced your leg nervously, just listening instead of interrupting the conversation. Both Strauss and Hotch were staring each other down as he continued speaking, “The team has another case. We are needed there.” Strauss still hasn't sat down yet, a power move on her part, “You both have been specifically requested. He refuses to talk to anyone else.” Hotch tenses up and is about to argue. Strauss cuts him off. She starts walking out, “That’s an order.” Strauss opens the door and stops, looking back at both of you, “For BOTH of you.” The door slams closed behind her, leaving both you and Hotch sitting together in silence. Your leg had not stopped bouncing even after Strauss left. Which Hotch easily noticed even as he closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. Hotch sighs, “You don't have to-” You stop him, “Yes, I do. WE both do.” You weren't happy about this. You were extremely anxious. With anger right behind it, trying to fight to be your dominant emotion. Hotch looks up at you. His face had softened since Strauss left. However, his brow was still furrowed, and he looked beyond annoyed. Hotch watched you, “We don't have to give him the satisfaction…” You stand up, “I don't plan on letting him scare me into not being able to do my job. Let’s go pay Ben Monte a visit and see what the asshole has to tell us.”

Ben Monte. Ben was a particular sore spot with you. He was an unsub from a year or so ago. Ben had killed eighteen people before the BAU got called in. He was tricky because he didn’t care about race, age, or sex. Ben enjoyed cutting people up while they were still alive and toying with their organs while they could feel it. He chose victims seemingly at random. Only later to find out that Ben liked taking people with strong and stubborn personalities. Unfortunately, that means Ben set his sights on you after you and Hotch pulled him in for an interrogation but didn't have any evidence to hold him on. Luckily for you, though, by the time Ben tried to make his move to get you, the team was ready to arrest him. You willingly agreed to go as bait to lure Ben out, and he fell for it. Hook, line, and sinker. But Ben Monte shot you moments before the team could grab him. Ben had never used a gun before, so you hadn’t been wearing a vest. You spent a few days in the hospital but were able to recover without too many issues. There were some nightmares, but you had put the whole thing behind you. That was until Ben Monte claimed he had other unfound victims and refused to speak to anyone but the team who originally interrogated him. Meaning you and Hotch. You weren't thrilled about it, but if Ben was telling the truth and you could get the information out of him. Then you would suck it up and talk to the monster again.

After the first in-prison interview of sorts, that's when you learned just how much Ben Monte ‘liked’ you. Ben was disgustingly infatuated with you. Since he had only gotten a chance to shoot you and watch you bleed, Ben clung to a fantasy of making you suffer more like he did with all his other victims. Which Ben loved describing in vivid detail to you in between answering the questions you asked him. Ben was so descriptive at times that you could picture the plans he had for you, and it made your stomach churn. You had enough self-control to keep yourself composed during that horrible conversation, but it took a toll afterward. Those scenarios Ben described to you had burrowed their way into your head. Hotch had witnessed you live through this before. Hotch had even seen the aftermath of that interview when you became so tired from the nightmares stopping you from sleeping. Seen the agitation that followed that had caused you to start more than a few fights when anyone questioned you. It took some mandatory therapy to get through it. So you could understand why he was so upset for you. While you appreciate him being so protective of you, you weren't going to let something like this stop you from bringing closure to the families of the victims.

Hotch went to tell the team where you both were going. You went right down to the van, getting into the passenger seat. Normally you wouldn't mind driving, but you didn't think it was a good idea at the moment. Trying not to think about it too much, you try forcing yourself to think about anything else. Aaron gets into the car, takes one look at you, and decides not to start the vehicle. He looks at you, “Do you want to talk about it?” You make a curious humming noise, trying to feign ignorance, “Talk about what?” Aaron scowls at you, “The reason you're holding your side and who we are about to go talk to?” You look down, and indeed your hand had gravitated to your side. You were pressing right on the scar Ben gave you. Consciously realizing what you were doing makes the dull pain in your side come to the front of your senses. You let out a long sigh, “I don't want to talk about it right now…” You frown and look out the window as you finish speaking, “After this little… interview… I’ll probably still not want to talk about it, but I will need to.” You feel Aaron’s hand wrap around the one covering your long healed wound. Your breath catches in your throat, and you tighten your hand around his. Your emotional composure wavered a bit. You knew you couldn't bury your feelings inside forever. You wanted to make it through this accursed trip. Knowing it will at least turn into temporary anger, which would work to your benefit while talking to Ben Monte.

Aaron left his hand in yours even as he started driving. It was silent for a while. Since it was going to be kind of a long drive, you didn't want it to stay quiet. That would give you too much of a chance of getting lost in your thoughts. So you turned back to Hotch, “Let’s talk about something.” Aaron quickly glances at you with an eyebrow raised, “What’s strategy should we go in with?” You laughed when Aaron went right into talking about work, “Nope, we aren't going to talk about work. Not right now.” Aaron flatly states, “We are on the clock.” You roll your eyes, “We've never needed a strategy while interrogating together before.” You lean your head back, “Plus, what kind of work are we supposed to do in a car for like three hours?” Hotch glares over at you. You respond with a whine, “Please just indulge me… the person you happen to be dating by the way…” Aaron’s face softens even as he rolls his eyes, “Resorting to emotional blackmail?” You nod and give him a smug smile, “Anything to get my way.”

Aaron chuckles, shaking his head, “What would you like to talk about then?” You let out a pleased hum, “We should go see a movie soon, take Jack with us and completely turn our phones off. Maybe even leave them at home or in the car, so we don't get called in…” You let yourself trail off. Aaron’s hand tightens around yours, showing some concern. You look out the window, watching the scenery as you add, “Maybe we could take a vacation… somewhere fun…” You can feel his eyes watching you, so you turn to look at him, “What?” Aaron tries to study your face while still driving safely. After a moment, he finally speaks up, “Coming from the person who was so intent on going back to work after being shot that the hospital practically begged me to get you out of there? I think you can understand my cause for concern.” You sigh and nod, “Well, I’m a work-a-holic…” You smile, “But… Since being in a relationship with you, I find it a lot easier to push work aside so I can be with you and Jack.” A smile spreads across Aaron’s face. You playfully roll your eyes, “Don’t let it go to your head. I still enjoy catching bad guys, and I don’t see that drastically changing anytime soon.” Aaron brings your hand up to his face to place a kiss on the back of your hand, “I wouldn't have it any other way.” You smile as you and Aaron start talking about mundane potential plans.

Whatever pleasant conversion you were having with Hotch abruptly stopped when you saw the sign on the side of the road, stating that the prison was only a few miles away. Even if you wanted to continue talking, you couldn't have. Considering your mind went completely blank about what you had just been discussing. Your whole body tenses up, feeling the meeting looming over your head. Your leg starts to bounce. Letting your anxiety out now so you can focus when you get inside the prison. When Hotch parks, your hand separates from his. You practically leap out of the car. Taking a deep breath of fresh air in order to calm yourself. Hotch walks over and waits, letting you take your time. You close your eyes. Pushing all your emotions down and bringing your professional demeanor to the surface. Once you feel as prepared as you’ll ever be, you head up to the prison's main door. You can't help but comment, “I don't understand Ben Monte’s obsession with us.” Hotch follows behind and scoffs, “Unfortunately, he just has an obsession with you. He tolerates me because he knows I won't let you talk to him alone.” You sigh, knowing Hotch was right. Once through the door, you are the one who takes the lead on the introductions, “SSA’s [Y/L/N] and Hotchner.” The guards look over the sheet checking for your names. You start pulling the gun off your belt before they even ask, knowing the drill. Hotch does the same, even taking his second gun out and handing it over.

You felt a bit exposed and vulnerable, but you didn't let yourself dwell on it. Hotch already looked more tense than usual, which was saying something. The guards guided you through the signals to get in and out of the room you would be interviewing Ben Monte in. Once that was understood, both you and Hotch were led into the room. As soon as you saw Ben’s face, you internally started panicking, but you knew how to control every expression and your demeanor. So you kept yourself in check. The door closed behind you both, locking the three of you into a room together.

Instantly Ben Monte lurched towards you, his chains getting caught on the table, “My, My. Look at you. My favorite little canvas.” You stare Ben down, showing only indifference at his statement. You pull the chair at the table out and sit down, “I’m not here to play games… You said you had information for us. If you're wasting my time, then I will leave.” Hotch was standing behind you, glaring down at Ben. Ben looked from Hotch to you, “Ohh… I have so much information for you, but I’ve missed you so much. I’ve only had crime articles you were featured in to sustain me. They don’t take enough pictures of you. I’ve only been able to collect maybe a handful. I like to keep you close to me.” Ben reaches towards you, trying to touch you. You firmly respond, “No.” Ben freezes before pulling back, “You’re such a tease. Only showing me a little blood and then throwing me in here.” You continue your blank stare, “Information or I walk.” Ben grumbles, shifting about in his chair, “You are no fun.” When Ben starts giving you usable information, Hotch sits next to you and takes notes.

Ben stays mostly on topic until he starts talking about what he did to the victim. Ben looks you dead in the eyes, “With that little work of art, I worked too fast. Wasn't as fun.” Ben grins at you, showing all his teeth menacingly, “I learned after that. Taking my time. Like I am with you.” Every part of you wants to tense up and hit Ben in the face, but you control yourself. Ben keeps talking, “I have so many plans for you. Peeling your skin away nice and slow. Maybe even giving it time to grow back. Scars can be exciting things…” Ben lets himself trail off, staring right where he shot you. Hotch tenses up, staring daggers at the serial killer in front of you. You sigh, “This is tedious Ben, if you really called us out here to just play with us, then I will make sure you aren't allowed visitors for the rest of your life.” Ben glares at you this time, “I like the mouth on you, but it only goes so far. Do you think you could still bitch this much if I cut your tongue out?” Hotch speaks up for the first time during the interview, “You will watch how you speak to my agent. We are here as a courtesy to the families of your victims. Not to be part of whatever sick fantasies you have.” Hotch’s voice was loud and stern, intimidating enough to get Ben to comply again. Ben begrudgingly gives you more details about a few other murders he committed.

After giving you some more useful information, Ben slowly gets off topic again, “I've never been one for guns. You're the only work of art I’ve ever shot.” You glare at Ben, “I’m not a work of art, and neither were your victims. You don't own or control anyone.” Ben starts laughing, “Are you sure about that? Maybe I don't own my other playthings… but you… I think me and you share a special connection.” You scoff, rolling your eyes, “We don’t have a connection. You're not the first person who has shot me, and I am sure you won't be the last.” Ben laughs louder, utterly pleased with himself, “I am sure that's true, but me and you share a mark.” Ben doesn’t elaborate further but instead goes into talking about other things, “After you locked me into this place, I’ve had loads of time to think about what I would do to you when I get out of here.” This actually pulls a laugh out of you, “You’re not getting out of here… ever.” You cross your arms, smirking, “I made sure the court gave you life without parole.” Ben doesn’t look overly pleased about your attitude, but that doesn’t stop him from continuing, “I was thinking about cutting you open and poking around inside you.” You show no expression, trying not to think about what Ben says, “Are you done telling me about your other victims then?” Ben doesn't answer. He just continues his psychopathic rambling, “Think you would feel it if I pulled some of your insides to the outside?” Ben went into further detail, being graphically descriptive as he kept going. You felt your stomach churn even as you stared Ben down like you weren’t affected.

Hotch, however, was finished with the games, “That's enough. We are done here.” Hotch stands up quickly, pushing himself away from the table and going to the door. You make no additional acknowledgment to Ben. You just casually raise from your seat and walk to the door. Hotch presses the button to get out. The tone plays, and you wait. Nothing happens. Ben starts laughing again, clapping as he does, “It’s lunchtime. The guard who is supposed to be out there has a real problem of being a chatty Cathy after he gets his food. So you're both stuck with me a while longer.” Hotch tenses up again but turns around ever so slowly, “Is that supposed to scare us? We have dealt with much worse than you.” Ben shrugs, “It should at least unnerve you both. Since I get to keep talking about what I want to do with our favorite little agent.” You turn around, ready to speak up, but then you notice Hotch’s behavior. Hotch went from tense to calm, which wasn't a great sign.

Hotch confidently takes his suit jacket off, before pulling off his necktie in one solid motion. He stands on the outskirts of the room, watching protectively. Hotch stares down Ben the whole time. You couldn't lie to yourself, Hotch’s overly aggressive behavior did make you feel better. Aaron would have never let anything happen to you before when you were just co-workers and friends, but now that you were more than that, there was no way in hell Aaron was going to sit by and watch someone treat you like this. Ben was still smirking and didn't even bother looking at Hotch. Ben just kept looking right at you, “Do you remember when I shot you?” You look at Ben and shrug at him, “It wasn't really that memorable. I’ve been shot before, so you shooting me isn't anything special.” Ben menacingly chuckles, “I remember every second of it. You bleed so well.” Hotch steps closer to him, ready to restrain Ben if need be. He tilts his head, gazing right through your shirt to the spot of the scar he gave you, “I only wish I could have watched for longer…” Ben looks back up at you, “It was hard to manage in prison, but I was able to give myself a little souvenir…” Ben stands up. Hotch, in one quick motion, pins Ben to the wall. Hotch had Ben held to the wall with his forearm on Ben’s throat. Hotch practically growls as he speaks, “I’ve had enough of you threatening my agent.” Ben seemed to enjoy Hotch’s reaction causing him to laugh.

Ben’s laugh was a spine chilling sound. It didn't help that it echoed in the concrete interrogation room. Hotch kept Ben in place, but that didn't stop Ben’s hands from moving. You quickly stood up, ready to help restrain the monster if he tried anything. Ben, however, had another plan in mind. A huge toothy grin spreads over Ben’s face as he lifts the fabric for his prisoner uniform shirt. Revealing practically a mirror image of your own scar on Ben’s body. Your blood turned to ice, and you couldn’t control the fact that your eyes widened. Ben reminisced and traced his fingers over his scar, “It took a lot of effort to get a gun from one of the guards and shoot myself. It was worth it, though…” Ben looks up with his eyes meeting yours, “Now we are connected…” Your so far maintained composure started to shatter. Hotch pushed his arm harder against Ben’s throat. You dug your fingernails into the palms of your hand, hoping it will help keep you grounded as you spoke, “We are not connected. Clearly, you put a lot of thought into wasting your time.”

The best you could do was temporarily dissociate with what was happening, so you didn't give Ben the satisfaction of your emotional response. You stare blankly at the prisoner pinned to the wall, “Prison hasn't been good for your memory… That’s not even where you shot me.” It was a bold-faced lie, but it had the desired effect. Ben’s grin falls off his face, and he glares at you, “Prove it.” You stick your hands into your pockets, scoffing, “I don’t have to prove anything to the likes of you… I already proved you were guilty in a court of law. That's good enough for me.” You are able to force a smile onto your face. This causes Ben to get belligerent, starting to fight against Hotch’s hold. Hotch doesn't flinch and keeps Ben in place. Ben keeps struggling, “Show me then! Prove it!” You didn't know how much longer you could keep the act up, so you decided to give the exit door another shot. You press the buzzer and hear the sound, waiting a moment.

By some miracle, the guard had come back. The guard looked more than confused, “What the hell happened?�� You moved out the door without saying another word. You hear Hotch drop Ben to the ground. Immediately Ben starts screaming, and the guard has to restrain Ben. Hearing Ben’s chains yank against the table, “SHOW ME! PROVE IT!” Ben Monte kept repeating this. Even after the room door closed, you could still hear his voice through the walls. Hotch stays behind for a moment, and you overhear him yelling at someone, “Get your damn employees in line. When two agents… fuck when anyone is in a room with a prisoner, you NEVER leave that room unsupervised!” You stopped at a gated checkpoint to wait for Hotch while listening to what was going on. There was a short pause which could only be for the person making an excuse. Because Hotch went right back to yelling, “Do. I. Make. Myself. Clear?” There was another pause before Hotch spat out, “Good.” Then you heard him walking down the hall. While you were waiting, that’s when you first noticed it, the dull pain in your side. You press the heel of your hand into your scar in hopes of stopping the pain somehow. You look back when you hear Hotch walking up to you. Hotch still looked stiff, with his suit jacket and tie thrown over one of his arms. The crumpling pad of paper in his hand showed that Hotch was beyond pissed, but when he saw you were looking at him, he automatically softened up.

While waiting for the guard on the other side of the gate to let you through, Aaron looked down at you, “Are you okay?” You stared at him for a moment, “I don’t know how to answer that right now.” It came out in a much flatter and distant tone then you had planned. You felt a bit numb like you hadn’t fully processed what you just experienced. So you didn’t know how you felt. The only thing you knew for sure was that no matter how much pressure you put on your scar, the pain was getting worse. Aaron further furrowed his brows, and he tried to gauge your overall well being. The automatic door swung open and you walked through it before Aaron had too much of a chance to study you.

The rest of the walkout was silent until you reached the last checkpoint where you could collect your guns before leaving. While the guard was giving you back your items, Aaron stopped before collecting his, “I need to go talk to the warden.” Even feeling as weird as you did, you knew Aaron shouldn’t need to talk to the warden. It didn’t take long for you to figure out Aaron was trying to protect you from further dealings with Ben Monte. Aaron was about to order the warden to ignore any future requests from Ben Monte to speak with you. So you look over and question him, “Why?” Instead of answering, Aaron tries to hand you the car keys. You don’t take them. You narrow your eyes at Aaron, but he doesn’t say anything. So you begrudgingly take the keys. When Aaron walks down the hallway, you wait for a minute before following him. You stay outside the warden’s office door. It could be considered eavesdropping, but it pertains to you and your job, so you didn’t see it as a bad thing.

You could hear the conversation through the walls. Hotch spoke first, “Starting today, you will be restricting Ben Monte’s media access. No more crime articles. Certainly, no information about the BAU. He said he has pictures of Agent [Y/L/N]. Find them. Make sure he is never able to get ahold of anything like that ever again.” You were glad about that part. Knowing Ben had pictures of you made your skin crawl. The warden responds, taken aback, “I… I’ll get that taken care of right away. Were you able to get any useful information out of him?” The pain in your side ramps up, causing you to wince. Hotch responds, “Maybe. We will have to look into it.” There is a short pause, “I will no longer let the BAU answer any requests to speak with Ben Monte. His obsession with my agent has been out of hand for long enough. Ben sees it as a reward of some kind. Strauss will be informed of the situation. Don’t even think about trying to go over my head again.” The warden stumbles over an apology of some kind before they can say anything else Hotch leaves. Hotch sees you and sighs, “You were supposed to go to the car.” You scoff and roll your eyes, “It involved my career, so I was going to listen in. Also, you know I’m a stubborn ass and have issues doing what I’m told.” This was able to pull the slightest smile out of Aaron. It doesn’t last long as he quickly spotted both your hand holding your side and the slight wince still on your face. The worried look falls back onto Aarons’s face.

Despite your surroundings, Aaron gently grabs the back of your neck. He leans down and pulls you closer to him, planting a kiss on your forehead. Surprisingly he holds you there for a second. You close your eyes, allowing yourself to relax a little bit. Some of the previous emotional numbness starts to leave you. Your body lets you become more emotionally vulnerable since you felt safe with Aaron. Feeling yourself go into the early stages of crying, you gently pull away. Aaron lets you go. Blinking rapidly, you were able to stop yourself from crying for the moment. The grimace that covered Aaron’s face was a giveaway that he saw the emotions on your face, not that you were doing particularly well at hiding them. Aaron gives you a gentle nudge so you can both finally leave this horrible place. You head out to the car while Aaron gets his firearms back from the guards.

Your subconscious mind seemed to know that prisons were a work area, so you had to control your emotions, but outside was a whole other story. As soon as you step outside the threshold, a new wave of emotions hit you. Your subconscious completely shuts down the emotional barrier that was letting you stay professional. The first feeling that hit you was nausea. You quickly get away from the prison before moving around the corner of a building so you could have a sliver of privacy. You were able to keep the nausea at bay. That was until you remembered the fact that you now had a brand linking you to Ben Monte. That’s when you lost it. You could handle a lot of the job. You had handled so much, but this made you feel violated. You got sick right then, bracing yourself on the wall. It took a few minutes for your body to stop. When your body ceases shaking, you stand there for a moment to regain your baring and catch your breath. Looking yourself over, you were lucky enough not to have gotten anything on you. You spit a few times to try to get the taste out of your mouth. You wanted out of here. You wanted to shower for more reasons than one. You turned the corner and saw Aaron automatically watching you as he stood by the car. You were catching the tail end of a conversation Aaron was having on the phone.

Aaron’s eyes followed you, “It was worse than I anticipated.” There was a pause, and you walked around to one of the car's back doors, opening it. Crossing your fingers that you had your go-bag in the vehicle. Aaron let out a sigh, “If you guys have the case handled, I don’t think I’ll be bringing them into work today. They need some time off.” You peaked up and glared at Aaron. He was still monitoring you through the car windows. You roll your eyes and finally find your bag, pulling it to you to dig through it. Aaron gives a slight nod as he responds, “Of course, I’ll stay with them to make sure they are alright.” You find what you were searching for, your bag of toiletries. You pull out your travel toothbrush and toothpaste and start brushing the awful acidy taste out of your mouth. Aaron keeps talking on the phone for a moment. You finish up by using your travel-sized bottle of mouthwash to rinse out your mouth. Spitting it out when you’re finished. You get into the passenger seat. Aaron was still on the phone and kept watching you. You glared at him as he did, but Aaron was utterly unfazed by it. When he finished talking, he got right into the car.

You immediately argued with him, “Aaron, I am not going to sit at my house while you and the team go and do work.” You sigh, “I will go stir crazy.” Aaron looked very unamused, “You need to take some time off. At least a day. I would prefer you to take more off.” You glare at him, “I am fine to go back to work. It wasn’t that bad. I don’t need any time off.” You were already more agitated than usual, and you knew it. But sitting at home by yourself with only your thoughts sounded like pure torture. Aaron stares you down, the stern face he normally wears at work showing, “You are taking today off.” You grumble, “Is that an order?” Hotch nods, “Yes.” He answers in a very stern tone, not leaving a whole lot of room for argument. You knew you were being entirely unreasonable, but that didn’t stop you, “As my boss or as my boyfriend?” Hotch closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose, “Both.” Aaron sighs before looking at you with soft eyes, “Please.” You had more fight in you, but seeing Aaron’s face made you readily concede. You nod and huff, “Fine.” Moving in your seat and looking out the window. Silence filled the air as Aaron turned on the car and started driving.

Aaron didn’t let it stay silent for too long. Knowing you well enough that you would retreat into your head if it was quiet for too long. So Aaron was the first to speak up, “You know, I never said I was taking you to your place.” You had zoned out. His voice had pulled you back into reality. Not catching his whole sentence, you look over at Aaron and ask, “What?” Aaron looks at you, the ghost of a smile on his face, “I didn’t plan on taking you back at your apartment.” You make a confused face, which turns to annoyance. You immediately get belligerent again, “Ohh, yes, because sitting alone at your apartment would be so much better than sitting alone at my apartment.” Aaron glared at you, his annoyance starting to show again. You wish you could have said this was the first time you two talked to each other like this. It was admittedly one of the reasons you both got along so well. A pair of hard-headed assholes who could yell at each other without too many hard feelings. You glared right back at Aaron, “I appreciate the thought, I suppose, but I might as well just be at my place if I’m going to be all alone anyway.” Aaron’s glare intensifies, “Like I would leave you to your own devices even if I wanted to right now.” You narrow your eyes at him, trying to figure out what he means, “Isn't that what you were just saying?” Aaron’s voice became more stern, even raising his voice, “Would you just listen to me?” You let out a defiant huff but stay quiet. Aaron keeps the stern tone but lowers the volume, “You will be coming to stay at my apartment, AND I’ll be there with you.” Now you were a bit surprised, “You would ditch work just to babysit me?” Aaron’s face softens, “I wouldn’t call it babysitting. Offering emotional support, maybe?” You frown, “You’re not worried about someone on the team connecting the dots?” Aaron shrugs, “Actually Rossi brought up the idea first when I told him about the situation.” You whine and sigh, “How much did you tell Rossi?” Aaron glances over at you, “Enough.” You let out another whine and sink into your seat. Aaron watches you for a moment, “The team is worried about you. They care about you.” Being immature became one of your defaults when you were emotionally drained. So you made a fake disgusted noise, “Gross, feelings.” Aaron lets out a slight chuckle, “I care about you too.” You let a small smile slide onto your face, “That’s less gross.” Aaron adjusts his hands so he can drive with one hand on the steering wheel while his other hand reached over to you.

You took Aaron’s hand in yours. He gave it a comforting squeeze before getting serious again, “I’m going to have to write a report about what happened.” You groan, “Break the rules just this once? Pretend it never happened?” You knew Aaron would never, but you wanted to playfully give it a shot at least. Aaron shakes his head, “Unfortunately not. Especially since I am going to have to convince Strauss never to send us to see Ben Monte again.” At the mention of his name, you tense up. It wasn’t hard for Aaron to notice, your hand had tightened around his. Aaron gives you a worried look, “We should talk about what happened.” You groan, not wanting to but also knowing you need to. You give in, wanting to get this over with, “Will I be telling this to my boyfriend or my boss?” Aaron looks down at you for a moment, “Your boyfriend.” Aaron gives your hand another squeeze, “I’ll keep anything you tell me out of the report.” Aaron lets out a sigh before adding, “Unless it's something that could compromise your safety or others while you’re on the job.” You nod. Understanding that Aaron couldn’t bend the rules that much just for you and you were completely fine with that. You look out the window, “I know I shouldn’t be this affected by him, he only shot me. I feel like I have dealt with a lot worse. I feel stupid for letting him affect me this much.” Aaron starts running his thumb over the back of your hand, “You’re not stupid. He is overly obsessed with you. That can be very alarming.” Aaron lets out a long sigh, causing you to look over at him. Aaron had a sad look on his face, “Even before Foyet broke into my apartment and…” Aaron let it trail off, letting out another sigh. He skipped over whatever he was about to say to continue with the rest of it, “I was anticipating him making a move at any time. Knowing that someone like that is so fixated on you is not easy to handle mentally.” Aaron glances down at you, your eyes meeting for a moment, “I didn’t admit it to anyone even myself at the time, but it sure as hell affected me. I was only able to keep so much of it under control.” This time you give Aaron’s hand a squeeze returning the gesture he gave you earlier. Emotions were neither you nor Aaron’s strong suits, but you did find it much easier to be open around him. You’d like to think he felt the same way about talking to you as well.

Talking about Ben Monte made your old wound hurt. You just brushed it off as a subconscious correlation. Aaron seemed more worried about it, “You should get it checked out by a doctor.” You make a face, “It’s fine. I know it's just a mental reaction.” Aaron shook his head, “I think it's much more than a subconscious reaction, it had been hurting you since before we got to the prison.” You wave your hand at Aaron, ignoring him. You change the subject, “What I need is a shower and a change of clothes.” Aaron lets out a slightly annoyed sigh but lets you avoid the matter, “We will be home shortly.” You give Aarons hand another squeeze, “Good.” You let it stay quiet for a minute, “When you pick Jack up from school, let's do something fun.” Aaron glances over at you, “What are you thinking?” You shrug, “Anything to forget about today…” You think for a minute, “What about dessert for dinner and a lazy movie night?” Aaron narrows his eyes at you, “Dessert as the main meal?” You could tell he was going to shoot it down, so you decided to take the low road. You pout, “Please? It's been a really tough day. And imagine how cute Jack’s face will be when we tell him.” Aaron glares at you, “Really?” You stick your bottom lip out to pout more. Aaron shakes his head, a smirk on his face, “Fine. But…” You narrow your eyes at him suspiciously. Aaron adds, “Only if make an appointment with your doctor.” You grumble but accept it, “That seems about fair.” You smile at Aaron before falling into ideal chit-chat for the rest of the drive.

The car had to be dropped back off at the Bureau, but Aaron was kind enough to drop you off at his apartment first so you could shower. The time you spent alone was only twenty minutes, but it was enough time for the dark thoughts you had been suppressing to come back to the surface. It didn’t help that your scar practically taunted you the whole time you were showering. The healed skin was a mirror of what Ben had done to himself, creating a twisted connection with you. Sure, you had lied to Ben and taken away his satisfaction of being connected to you, but you knew the truth. You took a long shower, trying to wash away the sickening feeling that lingered over you. It only helped a little but not enough to lift the weight you felt in your chest. You got out of the shower and lazily dried off. You were more than ready to get dressed. Then you caught a glimpse of your scar in the mirror. It completely stopped you. You got stuck staring at your old injury, running your fingers over it as you tried to figure out what to do. You didn’t want it to look the same. You wanted to change it.

You got more absorbed into that train of thought then you would care to admit because you didn’t hear Aaron get back home or even hear him open the bathroom door. Aaron’s voice pulled you out of your own head, “Please don’t.” You startle for a moment before glaring over at him, “Don’t what?” You wrap your towel around yourself again and push past him. Aaron gives you a bit of space even as he keeps an eye on you, “I know what you’re thinking.” You were still on edge, so you just scoffed and started getting dressed. Aaron continues, “I can’t stop you. At least don’t do it yourself.” You huff and tug on your pajama pants, “Don’t do what myself? I wasn’t thinking about anything.” Aaron sighs and crosses his arms, “You were thinking about ‘correcting’ the look of the scar yourself.” He was dead on which shouldn’t have surprised you, but it still stopped you for a second. You shook your head before starting to pull your shirt over your head. In an attempt to ignore the fact he was right, you stayed quiet and turned away. It doesn’t take long for Aaron to walk up behind you and wrap his arms around you. He pulls you into him, “I don’t want you to cause any more damage to yourself.” You sigh and lean back into him. Closing your eyes tight to hold in your emotions as you nod. Aaron kisses the top of your head, “Let’s go relax and forget about this for the moment.” You offer another nod. Aaron gently lets go of you, and you wipe away wherever tears were forming in your eyes. Aaron starts changing, and you take this opportunity to pour both of you a drink. By the time you got back out to the living room, Aaron was already sitting on the couch, watching something on tv. You set his drink down for him. Then you proceed to drape yourself over him pathetically. Straddling his lap as you sat down, leaning into his chest. Aaron just wrapped his arms around you and let you stay there as you lazily sipped at your drink. You stayed like that for a few hours until it was time for Jack to get off school. You kissed him before peeling yourself off of Aaron. Flopping back onto the couch so Aaron could grab his son. You lazily watched tv finally feeling more relaxed after spending some time with Aaron. When you heard the front door unlocking, you immediately perked up.

As soon as Jack ran into the house and saw you, all the events of the day seemed like a distant memory. Jack tackled you with a hug, excited that you were here. You found yourself smiling again as you and Aaron talked with the little boy about how his day was and what he learned. You broke the surprise to Jack about dessert for dinner. Jack was practically bouncing with excitement at the news. After dishing out healthy bowls of ice cream for all three of you, it was time to sit on the couch. It was such a lovely time as the three of you enjoyed each other’s company. Typically Jack always curled up with his father when he got tired, but as the night wound down this time, Jack came over to you. Jack climbed onto you and cuddled up with you. You looked down at him and held him close, rubbing his back as he started to drift off. For the first time today, you felt yourself getting emotional for a good reason. You slowly moved, so you were resting against Aaron. Aaron wrapped an arm protectively over the two of you, and you felt an overwhelming feeling of comfort and safety. The three of you sat like this for a few more hours until it was officially late enough to go to bed. You gently woke up Jack and helped him get ready for bed. Once Aaron had tucked Jack into bed, both you and Aaron went to lay down yourselves. You laid down, and Aaron wrapped his arms around you, pulling you in close to him again. Feeling safe and secure, you were able to fall asleep with much more ease then you thought.

Continuation of Co-Conspirators – Part 1–Part 2–Part 3–Part 4*–Part 5–Part 6

@dr-reid-ismyspiritanimal @mrs-joel-pimentel-23-25 @winterparkers

@thosesteelblueeyesaremysafeplace

#Criminal Minds #aaron hotchner x reader #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #hotch x reader #reader insert #series #aaron hotchner #fanfiction #fanfic #co-conspirators

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lany-d-flow · 3 years

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Thoughts: Barret as a Father Figure

I wanted to give my perspective on this topic, as it's one of many stigma-heavy thoughts about the actions of FF7 characters. I'll try to provide examples based on anecdotal experience and the circumstances surrounding Barret and Marlene's lives.

So, is Barret overall a bad father?

So, short answer: No, I don't think so.

Long answer:

Okay, anyway, anyone who has seen or played Final Fantasy 7 is probably aware of two characters: Barret Wallace and Marlene Wallace.

We first see their dynamic early in both Final Fantasy 7 and Final Fantasy 7 Remake. We also see a bit of this written in further works of the Compilation of Final Fantasy 7 such as "On the Way To a Smile: Episode Barret and Episode Tifa".

On the surface, we see Barret's unconditional love for his daughter. So many quotes from the game reflect this:

"She's tougher than me"

"That's right, little angel, I am!"

"She's cute as a button, with the heart of an angel..."

...And many more quotes I could cite. As one more example, during the ending of Final Fantasy 7 Remake, we see a moment of Marlene taking care of reunion flowers while under Elmyra's care. After looking at them, Marlene and Barret call out to each other, foreshadowing a reunion in one of the next installments of Final Fantasy 7 Remake.

All right, so we see that these two love and think the world of each other. However, some view Barret as a poor father figure to Marlene for trusting her into someone else's care multiple times throughout the story, including but not limited to:

Having Tifa care for Marlene while AVALANCHE goes after mako reactors in Midgar; having Elmyra care for Marlene while Barret joins the crew to go after Sephiroth; and after defeating Sephiroth and Meteor, trusting Cloud and Tifa to act as parental figures to Marlene while Barret heads back to Corel to atone for his past and find a new purpose besides being a man with a weapon as his right arm.

All right, so based on these moments, one could argue that Barret is not being a good father due to how often he leaves Marlene in the care of someone else, and instead of truly settling down as her caretaker, pursues purpose(s) he thinks are more important.

However, I do not fully agree with this view, nor do I fully agree with other views that Barret's incapable of being a good father. Do I think he could be a better Father to Marlene? Perhaps, yes. Many of the roles that our heroes in Final Fantasy 7 have are not done perfectly. There are examples I could discuss now, but I'll save that for later. For now, I argue the reason Barret leaves Marlene in the hands of others is that...

Life’s answers for the greater good aren’t always as simple as they seem. To do what’s best for someone you look after--in this case, Barret’s daughter--there may come a time when someone else can fill in as a guardian if the person does not have enough emotional availability to care for an individual.

Allow me to demonstrate explain, first by starting with how long Barret has been her father figure in the first place: around 4 years. Barret adopted her to take his Dyne’s place as Marlene’s father figure. Dyne, his best friend, was lost when Shinra took their usual cover-up approach when a mako reactor incident occurred in Barret and Dyne’s hometown, Corel. Instead of owning up to their mistake, Shinra decided to destroy everything remaining in Corel, including its inhabitants. Barret tried to save Dyne, but his right arm that was holding Dyne was shot by a Shinra trooper, causing him to lose control of his forearm and leading to Dyne facing an unfortunate fall into the Corel prison. Among the inhabitants in Corel, Marlene was an infant when Barret took her in as an adopted daughter. Infact, here’s her character bio in a Final Fantasy Ultimania:

Barret’s four-year-old adopted daughter. She views Barret as her real father, having no memories of her birth father, Dyne (Barret’s old friend). Marlene is remarkably composed for a young child and even occasionally runs 7th heaven by herself. - Final Fantasy Ultimania Archive Volume 2 (Pg. 063).

So based on the context the story gives us, we can conclude Barret spent 4 years looking after Marlene while residing in Midgar. He was probably in the middle of taking on odd jobs during this time, of course, and could not see her 24/7. However, such action is necessary if he is to make a living for himself, and more importantly Marlene. Ultimately that part is up to interpretation. What’s not open to interpretation is when Tifa became a part of AVALANCHE, she was the one looking after Marlene during Barret’s missions with his crewmates (Wedge, Biggs, Jessie). While we know Barret was not always around to watch Marlene, we can conclude that he knew who to entrust his daughter’s safety towards, as someone like Tifa has many motherly qualities, and above many things, wants people to live, especially people she cherishes (And of course she eventually becomes Marlene’s mother figure along with Cloud acting as the father figure when Barret heads to Corel). Eventually, when the team decides to go after Aerith at Shinra HQ, Barret entrusts Marlene to someone else once again. This time. it’s Aerith’s step-mother Elmyra, who will continue to watch over Marlene until the end of our heroes’ journey. Perhaps we’ll get a moment of reunion near the end of Final Fantasy 7 Remake when the team returns to the people they are fighting for, but for the next month Marlene is without her father.

All right, we know the endgame of Final Fantasy 7. The team survives the Lifestream-Holy-Meteor clash and they are alive, but now they must find a purpose in their new lives. While Barret stays with Cloud, Tifa, and Marlene at edge for some number of months, helping to build a new Seventh Heaven bar and home for Cloud and Tifa, he eventually decides to embark to Corel and leave Marlene under the care of Cloud and Tifa.

Wow, what a way to not look after your child that you dote on so much, right? For being her adopted father, Barret sure does leave Marlene in the hands of someone else pretty often. For some people, this can lead to the conclusion that Barret is not a good father figure to Marlene and needs to learn how to settle down and act as a real parent for her. While it can be said that Barret’s not an amazing father, I believe what he’s doing does have a realistic approach. He has no job, he doesn’t feel fully available to watch his daughter, and in the midst of this there are two people who are more than willing--and happy--to look after the person he cares about so much. If Marlene can receive a better quality-of-life from someone close for the time being, isn’t it best to give her that better life for now?

Well, I want to get a bit anecdotal about this. I come from a family of 7 children so I got 6 siblings: 2 older half-sisters, 1 younger full-blooded sister, 1 younger half-brother, and 2 younger half-sisters (5 sisters, 1 brother). Well over a decade ago when there was 4 of us, my biological father and mother divorced, and the aftermath was extremely detrimental to everyone. My mother was in a heavy state of depression and lost a lot of money; there was very little food to come by; us children were pretty much doing as we pleased with little consequence at the time; and my birth father was hardly there to support anyone but my younger sister and me.

So what action did my mother take for my older sisters? She sent them to another state for a year where our grandparents resided, as they were in a financially and mentally stable situation that could benefit my sisters for the time-being.

I could be here all day talking about the outcomes in minute detail, but to make sure that doesn’t happen, I’ll give the general aftermath: Eventually my mother recovered, found someone who became a doting step-father for all of us, and has unconditionally supported all of us in what we do with our lives.

The point here is that life throws us in complicated situations, and parents sometimes hit said situations that involve their child(ren). Many parents will absolutely dote over their children. Barret absolutely dotes over Marlene and is extremely concerned for her safety. But like Barret, there arise decisions in one’s life that involve changing guardianship for children. Some people have to work overseas and cannot take their children with them, so for a little while they can entrust that duty to someone else they are close to. If I’m going to draw parallels from other games, then the Persona series is a good example. I’ll be more specific: Persona 4. The protagonist is sent to Inaba where his uncle, Ryotaro Dojima, resides with his daughter. This happens because the protagonist’s parents’ jobs require that they be sent overseas. But his parents do not have to worry about their son’s livelihood because he’s sent to be supervised under someone that they trust, and someone they’re related to.

Conclusion

Nobody is perfect, and life is complicated. Sometimes there are roles in our life that we want to accomplish, but when it involves someone you care about, especially your own child, you want to make sure they have the best life possible. Maybe Barret would love to spend his time with Marlene as much as possible, but before he can really do that, he needs to get his own life together first. When that happens, then he can return to the person he loves more than anyone else in Gaia. Let’s always remember: Children are brought into this world, and it’s a cruel world, just like the real world. We want them to be as prepared as possible for the challenges life throws at them, so while they’re still young, look for the greatest good they can get, like Barret does.

#ff7 #ffvii #ffviir #final fantasy 7 #final fantasy 7 remake #final fantasy #barret wallace #marlene Wallace #barret #life gives us interesting situations #anecdotal experience #ff7 remake #Ff7r

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rochey1010 · 4 years

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Just a quick post cause i gotta say this:

I now see exactly where the Lola/Maya/Eliott/Lucas plot is going and it's not what the fans were convinced it was at all, aka context and lack there of.

So there has been foreshadowing of what's about to go down. Let's unpack it:

Lola and Eliott's friendship based on self identification. A mirror of each other. Him male and out of the darkness. Her female and going through it. His insta being the northern brightest star POLARIS. A guiding light. Her's being beta hydri/hydra the star all the way down in the south. The line between the 2 being representative of the journey they are on in life. Focus on where they both are in their life and how one (POLARIS) can guide the other.

Eliott a mentor for lola and her being guided by him (star symbolism). Her seeing him as a positive influence and copying that influence to heal e.g. her Vendredi Daphne movie chat being a direct mimic of Eliott's playbook of helping Lola in the video club Mardi 'The Kid' clip.

Her saying to Daphne that when she wanted to self destruct, she thought of Eliott, the video club, and their chats. And it stopped her. He created a safe space and she is using it. He really is guiding her.

Him now being set up as a buffer to drugs (rock bottom)

The movie with him, and it being a focus and a sense of direction for Lola to be distracted....for the moment. His art is positive and about love and connection. Her art is negative and about breakage and destruction. The movie is again him mentoring her, through art this time and the expression of it and how you can use it to see the world.

Maya in love with Lola, Lola in love with Maya. Maya scared to get involved because of her past with alcohol. Lola wanting Maya to be her Luquette and relying on her right now as a reason to change.

Char being in the picture. Lola meeting her. Maya not hiding her (upcoming theory) preventing a consummation of love.

Lucas encouraging Lola to take part in the movie and giving his consent. But grappling with creeping abandonment issues, and not really comfortable with it.

Lucas talking of Eliott and telling Lola he's afraid their mirroring friendship will result in one dragging the other down. Him also admitting that he felt insecure over the friendship.

This is the one that worries me the most. Eliott obsessed with mental illness in his love with Lucas. "He's just worried about me. I have bipolar disorder. Do you know what that it?" Him hiding stuff rooted in those fears being mentally ill and toxic can have on your love. Not wanting to be a burden and keeping lucas from leaving him. Focussing over and over again on not wanting to stress or strain lucas (S3, S4, S6)

Him saying "And i have Lucas. I can't lose this" a declaration of hinging his mental health on his need and love for Lucas.

Him talking of suicide and attempting it 3 times in the past. Poss during depressive episodes. Him saying he still has thoughts and he suspects they won't ever go away but it's better now. Again the focus on what he has with Lucas as the above quote comes directly after this.

Him telling Lola to find her Luquette. Creating a freakin term for his love with Lucas.

Finally Eliott going out on a limb for Lola to physically help her. Protecting her feelings and keeping her secrets. (E5)

Prediction time: Char is gone after tonight. Maya won't tell Lola immediately. Lola will still think she's in the picture and will be jealous, bitter and hurt. Eliott and her are shooting 'Lux and Obscurus' Lamifex are helping and are there that night. In the pic you see Max holding the camera and beside him someone that looks like Maya with her jacket. I'll assume Jo and Sekou are out of shot too. Not sure if that scene is scripted. The spoiler says though that it is and Lucas says no and Eliott goes ahead. But Let's say for a minute scripted/unscripted it happens. So Lola is gonna pull a stunt she did at the funeral. She's gonna blow up her tentative support network she's built (Eliott, Maya, La mif) in one go. She is gonna use the scene scripted/unscripted and rile and get a reaction out of Maya, she's going to hurt her and she's going use Eliott to do it.

The fallout of that night is going to be distance from La mif, Maya hurt and getting the wrong idea, and Eliott falling out with Lucas, who like Maya gets the wrong idea. It's going to cause Lola to lose her mentor/friend/buffer in Eliott at that moment, as he is going to a dark place if he thinks he'll lose Lucas. And the foreshadowing is complete. Lola drags them both down and hits rock bottom to drug town. Eliott feels he's lost Lucas and his mental health takes a dive (depressive- please don't say poss suicidal mood) and Lola has to fix her mess and help the ones that once helped her, especially Eliott.

I don't know if Eliott reacts in a way we haven't seen before though. Maxence said we're going to see his darker phases. But what if it's not just depression or something worse. What if he snaps at Lola because of what's happened with Lucas (possibly leaves Eliott ) like what we know of Eliott is that he is a very caring individual. Doesn't judge and tries to be empathetic to his world and the people in it. He doesn't push or pressure anyone. He unconditionally supports, and he'll put himself out there to help others. We see all this in so many ways since he turned up on screen. He's simply a very compassionate character. I honestly don't see him holding what Lola does against her. She's confided in him about Maya. He knows what it is to feel that the one you want most is someone you can't have. And he knows the pain involved because of that.

BUT Lucas is a different situation all together. We've seen Eliott in his pursuit to have Lucas. He gave zero fucks and his dark side came out with both Chloe and Lucille. He's hinged his mental health and well being on his love. He is deeply in love with him, and it's been said by both Lucille (his freakin ex) and Arthur that Lucas is the one and is special. He can't lose him. If he thinks he has. His mental health takes a dive. And then so does his mood. He even snapped at his beloved Lucas in a depressive crash. Depression doesn't care about your compassion and love for others. So we may see something ugly with Lola from Eliott. Like he may be really angry with her. He may sever the friendship in that moment leading her to lose her buffer. And causing her to slip finally to rock bottom. I'm unsure though, as it can go both ways with Eliott. Compassionate and forgiving or angry and depressive. Maybe both. 🤝

Guys i'm scared. I don't think i want to see Eliott's rock bottom. It was heartbreaking the first time. And he's such a positive and warm presence that even the audience feels good when he's happy and smiling. I think they are going there. With Lola i've adapted, we've seen several benders and she's a depressive character and doesn't bring sunshine on the screen. So when she slips it's sad but more of the same. With Eliott it is a swinging extreme of light and dark. A sunshine puppy happiness to crying, black despair. 😭

Ok if it's going that way. All signs point to 😔 brace yourselves. 💜

#skam france #skamfr #eliott demaury #lucas lallemant #lola lecomte #lamifex

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t4tlawlight · 4 years

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Intimacy versus isolation is the sixth stage of Erik Erikson's theory of psychosocial development. This stage takes place during young adulthood between the ages of approximately 18 to 40 yrs.

During this period, the major conflict centers on forming intimate, loving relationships with other people. We begin to share ourselves more intimately with others. We explore relationships leading toward longer-term commitments with someone other than a family member.

Successful completion of this stage can result in happy relationships and a sense of commitment, safety, and care within a relationship. Avoiding intimacy, fearing commitment and relationships can lead to isolation, loneliness, and sometimes depression. Success in this stage will lead to the virtue of love.

– “ Erik Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development”

...if we want the rewards of being loved, we must submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.

– “I Know What You Think of Me”

this post is the second in a series about the tv drama! if you haven’t read the first part, you don’t have the full picture! read it HERE

this post is going to focus on L, and namely the way his relationships forge him into a better person across the span of the tv drama, and then it’s going to close off the cliffhanger on the previous post!

at the beginning of the series, the L we meet is decidedly not a good person. he’s not moralistic in the slightest, and we see him perform some pretty ghastly human rights violations across the series. he loves to say he's “just” and that the people he’s fighting against are evil, to the point that where soichiro questions him, he denies kira’s humanity by comparing him to a demon or devil:

Soichiro: You’ve gone too far. L: You shouldn’t think of Kira as human. He’s the devil.

-- Episode 1

[photo: a close up shot of L. we see him from the shoulders up, wearing his usual white ensemble, dark hair a mess. he is looking up at something above the camera. he is saying, "This Kira is a devil stained in greed."]

-- Episode 6

he’s very much like light in that regard. but he believes he has a right to spit in the face of basic human rights because the ends justify the means and that makes him, specifically, justified to do whatever he wants.

Matsuda: Sir, L just confirmed Kira’s existence and where he’s hiding in one fell swoop. Aizawa: Matsuda! Mogi: Pipe down. You saw that he sacrificed the life of a man to do it, even if he was scheduled to die. He’s doing the same thing Kira is.

-- Episode 1

worse, when called out on it directly by members of the task force (other than soichiro, generally speaking), L tends to throw it back in their faces by bringing up their fears of being killed by Kira if they don’t allow him to do what he wants:

Matsuda: You need to stop this at once! There must be other ways of investigating! L: Are you going to start an inquiry? Exposing your name and face to Kira? Mogi: This is a human rights violation. This would cost us more than our jobs. L: I thought we were risking our lives for this investigation, not our jobs.

-- Episode 4

Mogi: L, all else aside, this is a violation of human rights! L: Would you like to conduct the interrogation in the room itself? Showing your face to her?

-- Episode 6

this is exacerbated by the fact that L isn’t a detective because he genuinely believes in detective work as a way to enact justice. this is L's hobby. he's here to win, not to do the good thing, because that's not his style. he comes in on difficult that he thinks will be a good way to entertain himself and stretch his imagination, and then he solves them, and then he wins.

L: But that’s no reason to just give up and turn yourself in, Kira. You’re going to be found and your method of killing exposed... by me.

-- Episode 1

L: It didn't matter to me who the perpetrator was. On the contrary, I thought that to solve a crime with no clues at all would be the greatest thrill possible.

-- Episode 8

worst of all is that, while he justifies his human rights violations and outright torture of light and misa with it being a necessity, drama L--unlike in other adaptations--approaches it with utter glee, laughing as he keeps light awake for days on end and light begins to lose his sense of time, even while lying about kira not being active.

L: Light-kun! Don’t go to sleep! Kira hasn’t shown up yet.

L: [laughing] Are you okay? It appears your sense of time is beginning to atrophy.

-- Episode 6

so, in the beginning, L is, as i said, very much not moralistic. he's never had his perspective challenged in his life--near and watari are exactly the same way. watari is the one who enacts most of the things L says, and rarely offers dissent. when he does disapprove of L’s actions, he won’t do anything to stop them, and often won’t complain more than shaking his head and grumbling.

then he meets soichiro, and the very first thing soichiro does is ask:

[photo: soichiro yagami sitting at a desk. matsuda is standing behind him, and himura is standing a little further back. yagami is wearing a suit and tie, speaking to L on a laptop computer. he is asking, "What do you think human life is?"]

-- Episode 1

and soichiro questions L about lind L tailor for a little bit, demanding to know if L suspected the man could die. and L argues that he had permission, but later he calls on soichiro specifically to help him. this is partially because of soichiro’s hostage situation that paves the way for a lot of L’s suspicion on light, of course, but watari seems to think otherwise:

Watari: That’s unusual. You never invite people to meet you. Did his scolding have an effect on you, then? You like him, don’t you? L: ... Watari: You don’t meet many people who can leave you speechless.

-- Episode 1

later, L tells soichiro that L is fond of him directly:

L: I believe you are an extremely wonderful policeman. And to me, you are like a father, as well.

-- Episode 10

and soichiro calls out a lot of the things L does in these first episodes. L has been allowed to do whatever he wants for a long time; furthermore, he never shows himself to people aside from watari and near/mello. so soichiro is possibly the first person who matters who calls L out on something like lind L tailor, and is furious when L brings the FBI to Japan:

Soichiro: Either way, I can’t approve of FBI investigators having free reign to investigate on Japanese soil. I’m going to report this. [Soichiro leaves.] L: Do you think I made him angry? Watari: Oh, well... Quite.

-- Episode 2

later, when yotsuba-light comes on scene, the same thing happens, in a little way. yotsuba light scolds L whenever he’s a little bankrupt in the morals department and simultaneously is much, much more morally upright (in yotsuba arc) himself, asking L to be on the team so he could help stop kira (which moved L to taking off the handcuffs!). L says he thinks light has a lot of potential under the surface on multiple occasions, and credits himself for the transformation:

L: I appreciate your talent. Now, it’s possible that talent only blossomed since you met me... Maybe there was nothing to trigger it before, but there’s something very passionate sleeping inside you. I was thinking I could use that in the service of good.

-- Episode 5

Light: Please, let me help. I want to catch Kira with you. Soichiro: Light... Light: If we’re going to be tied together because you suspect me anyway, Ryuga, I want to be tied to you in purpose, as well. Matsuda: But Light-kun is a student... L: He’s no mere student. As the one who encouraged his talent to bloom, I guarantee this. Let’s catch Kira and finish this together.

-- Episode 7

furthermore, L believes yotsuba light--he doesn’t think he’s lying to him.

L: By the way, Light-kun, you wanted to enter public service, didn’t you? Light: Yeah. Why? L: The police are a public service, aren’t they? When you were a child, you wanted to be one, didn’t you? Light: When my mother died when I was a kid, my father was off chasing a criminal... I thought my father’s form of justice couldn’t be worth much, if he had to sacrifice even his family to see it through. But... yeah. Now I sort of feel like I understand. Because I feel the same way he did. I want to catch Kira, no matter what. L: [internally] From what I can see, this seems unlikely to be a performance to deceive us. Which means...

-- Episode 7

between soichiro and yotsuba light, L receives quite a bit of both feedback on his own actions and examples to go by.

there’s one major example of L’s change, morally speaking: when raye penber is approached by kira, L and watari are listening, but in an example of early L being deficit in the morals department, he doesn’t move to do anything. he doesn’t warn the FBI, he doesn’t stop raye. L tells watari not to do anything, because they have the opportunity to perhaps learn how Kira kills.

[photo 1: a close up shot of L. he is staring wide-eyed to the viewer's left, holding a green lucky charge jelly pouch. he is asking, "You want to kill the whole FBI?"

photo 2: L is sitting at his desk on his laptop, holding a lucky charge pouch and staring at his computer. watari stands beside him, wearing a brown suit and a bowtie, saying, "L..."

photo 3: L again, at his desk in front of his laptop. he is holding a lucky charge pouch close to his mouth. he is saying, "We could learn how Kira kills."]

-- Episode 3

Matsuda: Then you used him as bait? L: I did it to catch Kira. I didn’t have a choice. Aizawa: Didn’t have a choice?!

-- Episode 4

and L, after the FBI in japan are wiped out is clearly affected, but it’s less guilt from all of the people he let die and more to do with perceiving himself as having lost.

L: After I was so close to learning how Kira kills...

L: This time, I lost.

-- Episode 3

flash forward forward to yotsuba arc and yotsuba light and specifically the final confrontation with higuchi. higuchi, now with the shinigami eyes, is now going to the drama version of sakura TV to kill matsuda. they have this exchange:

[photo 1: light speaking into a wireless microphone. we see him from the shoulders up, wearing black. he is saying, "Dad, arrest Higuchi the minute he gets there."

photo 2: a close up shot of L and light. we cannot see light's face, as he's turned to L in surprise. L says into a microphone, "No. Let's watch him a little longer."

photo 3: the same scene, countermeasures. L is sitting at his desk, holding a microphone close to himself. light stands beside him, laptop open on the desk. he is asking L, "Hey. What are you talking about?"]

-- Episode 7

this is the perfect parallel to the raye penber situation. L wants to let higuchi continue to sakura TV and act unimpeded in his attempt to kill matsuda because at this stage they still don’t know how Kira kills, which is precisely how raye penber died. this time, however, light argues with him:

L: We haven’t established his method of killing yet. Light: This is Kira we’re dealing with! Matsuda-san and my dad are in danger! L: In order to catch Kira, we must confirm his way of killing. Light: People’s lives are on the line! Hey. All the names of the people killed so far are written in that notebook, right? That would be proof, wouldn’t it? Even if we learn how he kills people, if a comrade dies, that’s losing, in my opinion.

-- Episode 7

and this is the first real evidence that the yagamis are actively changing the way L operates, because he does.

L: Yagami-san, arrest Higuchi. Like the second Kira, Higuchi has become a Kira that can kill by face alone. Please keep that in mind when you arrest him. Soichiro: Got it. Light: Ryuga... L: We won’t let the likes of Higuchi beat us. Let’s get that notebook as proof.

-- Episode 7

they do the mannequin swap and catch higuchi and nobody else dies.

soichiro has exactly the same impact-- in the manga, L dies because he's going to test the 13 day rule by having a prisoner on death row write in it, and if they don't die in 13 days they get to go free. this is what makes rem kill him to protect misa, because doing this, despite it being perhaps not the most morally upright thing, is guaranteed to prove that the 13 day rule is fraudulent.

he never does this in the drama, because when he tells soichiro he had the idea, they have this exchange:

L: I thought about negotiating with the Ministry of Justice to see if they would verify it by carrying out death sentences. Soichiro: I can’t approve of that. Even if they’re on death row, they’re still people. If we take their lives indiscriminately, we’re no different than Kira. L: I thought you’d say that, so I decided not to.

-- Episode 8

yet again, L doesn’t go with the easy solution because interacting with the yagamis has inflicted him with some semblance of morality.

at this point, it’s important to discuss the nature of L and light’s relationship in the tv drama. for the most part, it’s similar to how it operates in the mangaverse, but with a major exception: L and light buy into their own manipulation. frequently, L and light call each other their friends:

L: Be my friend. That’s the favor I wanted.

-- Episode 4

Light: If I were Kira, I wouldn’t say that, would I? L: That’s true. I guess you really aren’t Kira after all. I certainly hope you aren’t, anyway. Because you’re the first friend I’ve ever had.

-- Episode 5

these incidents in the tv drama are just like in the manga: examples of L and light manipulating each other. the change arises when light loses his memories and thus the context of the mind games--he begins to earnestly believe that L and light are friends.

[photo 1: a dimly-lit shot of only light's face. he is begging L, "Please believe me!"

photo 2: he asks, "We're friends, aren't we?"]

-- Episode 6

Matsuda: Did L tell you to call him Ryuga? Light: Yes. It’s the alias he used the first time we met. Matsuda: If you know it’s an alias, why do you call him that? Light: The truth is, I guess I’d rather he be my friend Ryuga than the detective L.

-- Episode 7

Light: I would have wanted to show you, too… The world Kira would create… If I could have… I’d have wanted… I’d have wanted to be your friend forever.

-- Episode 8

this in turn, combined with spending prolonged time with light during yotsuba arc, has an effect on L.

Near: Hey, why did you let Yagami Light in on the investigation? You think he’ll let something slip? L: That’s part of it. Near: So you do think he’s Kira. L: I don’t know. Part of me wants him to be Kira. Part of me wouldn’t mind if he wasn’t.

-- Episode 7

it's the second part of that line from the drama i used as evidence earlier--

L: It didn't matter to me who the perpetrator was. On the contrary, I thought that to solve a crime with no clues at all would be the greatest thrill possible. L: Then I met you, and for the first time, I became interested in a person.

-- Episode 8

thus begins the ending to episode 8 and the beginning of episode 9, which forms one coherent scene which i’ve nicknamed “the blue scene” as shorthand, so now you know what i mean when i reference it. the blue scene truly begins with L inviting light to an abandoned building--perhaps one under construction--and invites light to join him after presumably pondering the situation there for some time.

we learn from near THIS LITTLE COMMENT near the end of the show:

Near: L struggled over whether or not he should reveal your identity. It's possible he was trying to understand, in his own way, how you felt becoming Kira.

-- Episode 11

this mindset we can see during this scene where L is doing puzzles with near:

[photo 1: a completely white puzzle with no designs or patterns. it is unfinished, piece pieces surrounding an empty gray space. L is thinking, "If Kira's power does move between people, then it must be the will of Kira himself."

photo 2: L, wearing an extremely neutral expression. he is holding up a white puzzle piece between his index and thumb, staring at it. he is thinking, "Even if Yagami Light's memories of being Kira have been erased--"

photo 3: L from the waist up, sitting down on the floor. near is sitting in front of him, although we can only see the back of his arm as he faces L. L's thought from the first photo continues with, "--could he still recover that ability?"

photo 4: L rests his elbow on his knee, still sitting on the floor. his eyes are downcast. He is thinking, "I don't sense anything suspicious from Yagami Light."

photo 5: L, staring down at the puzzle. He is thinking, "I just have to capture the current Kira and finish this."]

-- Episode 7

L makes a concentrated effort to understand how and why light became kira, as shown in the beginning of the blue scene when he asks light why he became kira in the first place and then tells him L’s best guess as to why--which, because L knows the situation and light himself so well at this point, is the correct answer.

L: Why did you start using this thing? Did you lose to the allure? The first time you killed someone, it was not fully understanding what the notebook did, right? Then you got scared and tried to throw it away, right? But you were forced into a situation where you had no choice but to use it.

L: Then Yagami Light became Kira. No... The voices of those who despised crime turned Yagami Light into Kira. But that’s just an excuse, isn’t it?

L: I want to stop you. Because we’re friends, you know? So admit you’ve lost. That you’re Kira.

-- Episode 8

and part of this is because he's been with yotsuba arc light. he likes him, he’s taken his advice. it's not as cut and dry as "i arrest light, i arrest Kira, and i win the game." anymore.

the entire episode 8 section of the blue scene is, to be clear, just a parallel of the scene where soichiro pretends to shoot light to prove he’s not kira. it's exactly the same. they bring light out, give light a scenario, and then threaten to murder him and see what happens.

[photo 1: soichiro yagami, pointing a gun at his son. the first photo is from further away; we can see light cowering on the ground and staring down the barrel. he says, "As fellow murderers,”

photo 2: soichiro from the shoulders up, brow furrowed. he finishes, "let's meet again in Hell."]

-- Episode 6

[photo: the blue scene. the lighting is a saturated blue, tinting L's shirt and skin. he looks down, saying, "Then let's meet in the afterlife in thirteen days."]

-- Episode 8

whereas yotsuba-light passed the test, light in the blue scene does not.

[photo 1: light stands above L, who has been thrown against some construction materials and is laying on the ground. light is saying, "I can't afford to lose to you."

photo 2: photo 2: from shoulders-up, we see light looking regretfully down at L. he is saying, "I'm creating a perfect world, without crime."]

-- Episode 8

that being said, in order to understand L and his decision making in this scene, you have to also understand that L thought that he was safe--that Light had no chance of getting his name. that was not part of the scenario in L's head. L had no way of predicting mikami being in the countermeasures office at that exact moment.

L spends the entire scene basically asking light over and fucking over again just to admit he's kira.

[photo 1: the first of multiple screenshots of the blue scene in which L is in various degrees of being brutalized, because he and light are fighting physically throughout. in the first, they are facing each other, standing. L says, "So admit you've lost."

photo 2: L is crouched over. we cannot see most of his face or expression. he says, "Then admit you've lost!"

photo 3: L is splayed against some construction materials. blood drips from the corner of his mouth. he is curled in on himself, covering his stomach with his arm. he is saying, "Will you admit you've lost and atone for your crimes,

photo 4: L finishes, “or write your own name in there and die?"]

-- Episode 8

given that the death note is fake L essentially gives him two options that ultimately amount to telling L that he’s Kira, except one of them is telling L he's kira with words and one of them is telling L he's Kira by trying to kill himself if light didn’t get mikami's help in that moment, his options are to do either of those things, deny it until soichiro and the rest arrived, leave outright, or... kill L with his bare hands, which is the most unlikely scenario here.

this is all the same reason why L doesn't really fight in the fight scene--he puts up the illusion of a fight, as though he wants Light to give up the note, but in reality he wants light to get the note.

if you watch through the scene, it plays out like this:

light slaps the death note out of his hands.

L bodychecks light into some, like, bags of padding so he doesn’t grab it.

light kicks L in the stomach with both feet.

L pushes light again once he grabs the death note. he does it once again once they both get to it.

light kicks L in the stomach for the second time. he then grabs L on the ground and punches L in the face with such force that his skull bounces off the concrete.

L then walks off his concussion and actually punches light, actually attacking him for the only time during the sequence before yelling at him

light knees L in the stomach, for the third time; punches him in the face; and then kicks L in the stomach for the fourth time.

L falls against some boxes and sandbags and the fight is over.

the only time L actually hits light is the punch after light knocks his skull against the floor. the rest of the time he’s grappling because he wants Light to think he's in danger, and he wants to see who he really is. because he likes light. he likes light enough that he struggles enough with whether or not he wants to arrest him and tries to see his point of view, enough so that near knows about it and can comment about it. and light fails spectacularly. he gets the mikami message which is proof enough that he's kira on its own. if he stopped it there, that’s enough proof for an arrest. he didn't need light to write his name if it were a test to see if light is kira. but it isn't. because L already knew that. he wanted to know what light would do, and he found out.

L: Do you feel like you’re God? Light: Kira could become God!

-- Episode 9

which i think is why he’s so bent on having light confess in the first place. he's not doing it just to arrest the man, which is why it's a "who he is as a person" test. that's WHY it's the same as the yotsuba light test up until light fails, at which point they actually start very obviously drawing parallels to the lind L tailor test, which was lights first big failure and really the start of his moral event horizon and the beginning of their rivalry to begin with.

Lind L. Tailor: Justice always wins. Light: No, it doesn’t, That’s why Kira was born!

-- Episode 1

L: Justice always wins. Light: No, it doesn’t. That’s why Kira was born.

-- Episode 9

but also more than that L wanted light to confess to him so that he could satisfy that part of him that started this, that has to Win the Game. the part of him that’s been taking cases all of this time. if light gives up L can say he won and satisfy that part of him, because up until now his moral compass was guided by what was most interesting to him, and of course the kira case was as he said very interesting to him. but he wants to move on from it so that he can be friends with light. he wants to know that light trusts him too and wants to be friends so that he can have light work with him instead and use his genius constructively.

L mentions multiple times that since light has met L he’s had the chance to show the genius that was hidden because of light’s stagnant upbringing, and L wants light to work with him. at the end of light’s analysis post, i brought up that light believed the only way he could be happy is through the power and masculinity given to him through the note. i also linked tumblr user whoresband’s analysis, and once again i think it’s pertinent to share their thoughts:

L rejects social norms, he lives as he desires, and it is only men L becomes close with. L seems to heal with light. light inspires something kinder in him, something that wants to care and be cared for. and moreover, L ignites a spark in light, inspiring him to achieve and challenge himself and be better.

L’s rejection of society and closeness with other men is the route light couldve chosen and did not. L begging him to confess that he is kira is also a plea for him to confess that he loves L. L wanted light to see the value in loving him, to see how much he could be with him, and that his embrace of the social values that had caused him this pain was not the only way to free himself from that pain.

at the end of the show, in his final tape--the *what if* tape, which he created in the event that light was not kira, he expresses that he wants light to work with near.

[photo 1: a very close image of a tablet watari is holding up. a video is playing, pre-recorded by L before his death. he is sitting in his chair at countermeasures, saying, "Light-kun, I'm sorry for doubting you."

photo 2: watari and near at L's grave, which is headed by a very large white cross. near's back is to us. watari is still playing L's video. L is saying, "I believe that you'll become a great police officer like [Soichiro] Yagami-san some day.”

photo 3: a close up of watari holding the tablet. L onscreen continues, “If it suits you, you could also become a detective and work with Near."]

-- Episode 11

i think if light had confessed and showed that he was still the same as he was during yostuba arc, and more importantly still was friends with L, L wouldn’t necessarily have turned him into the police, and certainly wouldn’t have executed him. i think he might have tried to convince light to join him, to enact his sense of justice alongside L instead of as Kira.

in the end, though, what i think could have happened doesn’t matter. light rejected L’s offer, and they both died for it.

even still, there’s a point to be made about the symbolism in the tv drama--it’s incredibly overt. that’s a post for another day, but it’s worth mentioning that light is consistently symbolized by a moon hanging in the sky.

in the last shots of the tv drama, that moon hangs over L’s grave, together in death.

[photo: a very serene scene. L's grave, located on an otherwise seemingly empty grassy hill. it is a large white cross. watari and near are leaving, going down the hill. in the cloudy blue sky, a full moon is visible just above L's grave marker.]

-- Episode 11

#death note #death note drama #death note analysis #L lawliet #light yagami

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spaceorphan18 · 5 years

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Kurt Hummel’s Tears: A Study

Because I wanted to know just how many times it actually happened - mostly because after wrapping up reading a certain long fanfic, if I have to read the phrase ‘and Kurt’s about to burst into tears’ one more time, I’m gonna lose it.

I’m not against Kurt crying - him being emotional is a thing, and it’s good to see men be in touch with their emotional side. But I just don’t see Kurt as fragile, and always on the way to breaking down. So I wanted to dig in and do some research. Am I just forgetting things? Was he really on the verge of tears always? Let’s find out.

Season 1

Acafellas 1x03

Dude’s coming out to his newfound bff - of course that’s going to get emotiona.

Preggers 1x04

Dude just came out to his dad - this seems a pretty normal to get emotional, too.

The Rhodes Not Taken 1x05

Kurt’s moved by the amazingness of Kristin Chenoweth - aren’t we all? Fun fact - this is actually Chris being emotionally moved. Kiddo just met one of his idols, of course tears.

Wheels 1x09

Getting emotional while singing! A trend with everyone really. This is during the whole diva-off, which is more about personal stakes than it is about dueling with Rachel.

(I’d also like to note there is some angsty moments in both Ballad and Hairography, but nothing that lends itself to actual tears.)

Home 1x16

Oh... Home is a heavy episode for all the crying. I mean, he’s struggling with his relationship with his father, his crush on Finn, and just changes.

[Btw - A House is Not a Home almost gets to tears, but not quite...]

Of course the epitome of all Kurt crying shots is in this episode. Ah the angst - it’s so good and heartbreaking here.

Laryngitis 1x18

Hey, another scene about connecting with his dad. I’m beginning to see a theme.

Theatricality 1x20

Your crush just rejects you but your dad finally accepts you. That’s a whole ton of emotional stuff right there.

Journey to Regionals 1x22

This slightly moves to the edge of tears as they sing about Glee club ending.

Episode Tally 8/22 - Home being the most cry scenes with 2-1/2 actual scenes, and a whole lot of angsty emotion all the way through.

Season 1 Observations: Kurt’s in touch with his emotions, but really only when it effects his story directly. It’s understandable - giving his strained relationship with his dad, his grappling with his sexuality, and having a crush on a straight guy end up in heartbreak. Most of the times he cries he’s alone, or with someone he trusts. He does get emotional while singing, too, but most of that doesn’t usually lead to full on crying. He’s also deeply moved by Mercedes’s voice - but who isn’t?

Notable times he doesn’t cry: When being bulled (he gets angry), when having confrontations in general, and when other people (other than Mercedes) are singing emotionally.

Season 2

Grilled Cheesus 2x03

Kurt’s dad almost dies - so Kurt’s crying in most of the scenes. I’d say that makes sense.

Never Been Kissed 2x06

Both scenes have to do with being emotional over being physically and sexually assaulted, combined with the depression, worry for his father, and finding a place and a person who is actually listening.

Furt 2x08

Karofsky’s basically threatened his life at this point, I’d probably start crying, too.

His dad gets remarried and his first love is singing a song to him - it’s a happiness he always wanted - these are happy tears!

Just when Kurt finds a little piece of happiness - the bullying gets so extreme that Kurt needs to leave and he’s saying goodbye to people he’s gotten close to. Goodbyes under stressful circumstances are hard.

Original Song 2x16

His pet bird died. C’mon. ;)

Born This Way 2x18

The nightmare that Karofsky is over and he gets to go back to where he feels his home is at even though he’ll be leaving his boyfriend behind - and said bf is singing an angsty song. More changes mean more emotion.

Prom Queen 2x20

Just when he thought he was safe to be free and who he is, the entire school pranks him in a mean-hearted way. I’d say that calls for tears.

Funeral 2x21

Like in Rhodes Not Taken, Kurt tears up for comedic effect when Rachel sings.

Kurt tears up a little during Jean’s funeral. Death his hard, Kurt’s experienced that a lot, and he’s not afraid of those sad emotions.

New York 2x22

Kurt’s finally realized that his dreams could come true if he really wants them to. He’s not stuck in the dark world that is Lima.

Episode Tally 8/21 (Probably shouldn’t count the one he’s not in). Grilled Cheesus has by far the highest count (probably of the series), followed, interestingly, but Furt.

Season 2 Observations: A lot of Kurt’s break downs come from the depression he’s experiencing mainly from the bullying, but also still feeling like he doesn’t fit in with those around him. Again - the crying moments happen mainly in Kurt centric episodes, and more so at the beginning of the season. Interestingly, after he meets Blaine, with the exception of in Prom Queen, any teary-eyed scenes are more from the over flower of intense emotional moments not full on break downs, and they’re also fewer and far between.

Notable times he doesn’t cry: Duets! This might win for an episode full of maybe breakdowns - but Kurt’s gone to a depressive state beyond crying, so he just stares sadly out into the distance.

Any time it has to do with sex or even romance.

When other people are singing, or even when emotional things are going on with other people.

Season 3

Purple Piano Project 3x01

I mean, he just got his dreams dashed and his ego put in check, but compared to season 1 and 2, he’s actually rather cheery in this episode.

I Kissed a Girl 3x07

I mean, he lost the election and nearly got expelled for something he didn’t do. Fair.

Michael 3x11

So he’s understandably upset after the stuff with Blaine goes down, but no actual tears.

He does cry, happy cry, when he gets his NYADA letter though.

Heart 3x13

I feel like this gets a half point. He’s all teared up that Blaine isn’t around for Valentine’s day, but it doesn’t get very far.

On My Way 3x14

This episode almost stands out because Kurt really hasn’t been crying this season, and now he’s very sad about everything that’s going on with Karofsky. And while I feel like it’s reasonable to cry at this stuff, the crying scenes here almost feel like...exploitation? Probably because for the most part, Kurt’s big emotional crying scenes have had to do with something that’s happened to him, not with someone else. Huh. Interesting.

But unlike early season two where he cries though some of the episodes, there are only two real scenes here.

Dance With Somebody 3x17

So, I’m going to give this episode Heart’s other half point, because Kurt... doesn’t really cry in this episode? He gets emotionally upset a few times, but with the exception of this very last scene with Blaine, Kurt doesn’t get more than a little glassy eyed.

Goodbye 3x22

It’s graduation, and he’s leaving this place and things are changing, and that’s emotional, but his tears are for leaving behind the place, and not necessarily for everyone else.

Episode Tally 5/22 [Giving a half point to both Heart and Dance With Somebody] On My Way wins for the most tear-y eyed Kurt, and there are only two episodes of the season with full on breakdowns.

Season 3 Observations: Kurt’s relationship with emotions and crying change. He’s not deeply depressed the way he was in season 1 and early season 2. He gets sad, but it isn’t as overly emotional as it was in the earlier seasons.

Notable times he doesn’t cry:= The First Time - there’s an emotional twirl there, but no actual tears. In fact, fighting with Blaine in general doesn’t get him to a crying place.

When he doesn’t get into NYADA - he kinda just look sadly at the paper.

Kurt’s still not getting emotional at other people’s issues (the one exception being Karofsky - but i’d argue that ties in with some of his own past trauma.)

Season 4

The Break Up 4x04

I mean, his boyfriend cheats on him. Again, fair. This is the first time that it’s a really ugly cry.

Glease 4x06

I’ll give this one a half point. Kurt’s trying really hard not to cry over his break up.

Thanksgiving 4x08

After a really heavy, emotional relationship conversation. It’s more like an emotional release than being upset over anything.

Swan Song 4x09

Allowing himself to be emotionally caught up in the song.

And finally getting a win after so much heartache.

Girls and Boys on Film 4x15

Interestingly, this is his first full on break down since The Break Up - and after half a season of trying hard to keep his emotions in check - he’s allowing himself to feel his pain again.

Wonderful 4x21

Tears of happiness that his dad isn’t going to die of cancer

All or Nothing 4x22

I mean - I feel like at this point, once a season, Kurt cries for comedic effect. This is one of those times. Only the cut out Santana’s line that made it funny. Anyway - Kurt getting ‘emotional’ at Blaine’s song. This gets a half point.

Episode Tally 6/19. No surprises that The Break Up is the most amount of crying going on.

Season 4 Observations: Season 4 has some weird/interesting things going on in that Kurt doesn’t have a lot of screen time, and since Kurt only cries when it’s tied directly to his story, and since his story is primarily about his break up, he’s much sadder over the course of the season. But he’s not necessarily always crying. He is most definitely mourning his relationship - and of course tears, but it’s not the deep depression of the early seasons. But afterwards, a lot of time is spent not dealing with his emotions and holding things back.

Notable times he doesn’t cry: Actually leaving Lima. Learning his dad has cancer. Over anything to do with Rachel drama. Still not crying over other people’s sadness.

Season 5

Love, Love, Love 5x01

His bf just asked him to marry him. I mean fair.

The Quarterback 5x03

His brother died. This gets ugly crying, too. Interestingly, while Kurt is upset throughout this whole episode, he only really breaks down twice. And the major break down is in the privacy of his own home.

Episode Tally 2/20 - The Quarterback is the only episode of the season that he full on cries. Well then, I guess we know what season Kurt’s the least emotionally distraught.

Season 5 Observations: I wouldn’t call this Kurt’s happiest season (they all have moments of a lot of happiness, too!) but this is by far the least amount of times overly emotional. And while there’s a lot of in story reasons for that, I think it should be taken into account that due to the circumstances of Finn’s (and Cory’s) death, the writers steered away from sadder story lines.

Notable times Kurt doesn’t cry - Any post-Quarterback conversations about Finn. Any of the times he and Blaine get in arguments. Chris didn’t write himself a crying scene.

Season 6

Loser Like Me 6x01

Learning that it was kinda stupid to break up your boyfriend when you could have talked it out.

Jagged Little Tapestry 6x03

Pretty much the same reason as episode 6x01

A Wedding 6x08

I mean, this gets a half point - he’s misty eyed that he gets to marry, not only at all, but the man he loves. It’s a wedding, c’mon.

Dreams Come True 6x13

So, Will’s singing to them all - but this is more sadness from Chris, since this is the last scene shot in the entire series. This also gets a half point.

Episode Tally 3/13 [Half points for A Wedding and Dreams Come True] Loser Like Me is a ton of crying, but then Kurt kinda puts himself together and deals with it.

Season 6 Observations: The interesting thing here is that - Kurt’s still an emotional guy, and feels things deeply, but like season 5 (?), he’s also more adult about everything by the time we get to season 6.

Notable Times Kurt Doesn’t Cry - Any time with Blaine after he’s decided to stop feeling sorry for himself. Dalton burning down. Not even much angst in the flashback episode 2009.

Series Observations:

Final Episode Tally 32/117 - and very much front-loaded

The first season and half are by far the most overly flowing with emotion Kurt that we get. And almost understandably so? He’s a young teenager who is suffering from a deep depression and intense emotional stress. By the time Blaine comes along, the amount of crying Kurt does is cut in half, and when he does cry it’s for normal things - death of sibling, breakups, etc.

At no point, though, does Kurt ever seem fragile to me.

In fact - Kurt Hummel has no time for your emotions. He does not get overly emotional for other people (save the one weird episode with Karofsky - On My Way, but that’s more so about his own connection to it, and the writers wanting to get Chris Colfer another Emmy nomination).

Most of his crying, and nearly all of the actual break downs, are done privately.

I have to wonder if at some point Chris Colfer said - please stop making me cry so much.

#that's how s.o. sees it #finding kh #i don't know if anyone wanted this #but it was an interesting thing to do #Kurt Hummel is not as sad as you think he is

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starryjyrus · 5 years

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What Jyrus Means Too Me and Why I’ll Never Be Fully Won Over By Tyrus:

!!TW OF ATTEMPTED SUICIDE AND DISCUSSION OF MENTAL HEALTH!!

The Summer of 2017 was by far the best Summer I’ve ever had, it’s kind of a shame it was followed by the worst Summer I’ve ever had..

Anyway, back at that time I had been really into SmurfVlogs (still am, I’ve been watching him since about 2015-16 I’d say) anyway, everyone had been mourning the loss of Girl Meets World and he had announced on his channel that Disney planned on making a show similar to GMW and that the pilot had been released on YouTube, I became hella curious especially when I had heard the rumor that there was a possibility of a gay main character and that there was supposedly going to be a gay love triangle between Cyrus/Andi/Jonah, this definitely peaked my interest considering Disney, outside of Good Luck Charlie and a few other cameo like characters/relationships spotted in different movies/series, like Finding Dory, hadn’t really had that. And a MAIN character? Possibly TWO main characters being LGBT? I obviously had to watch. I of course heard other things that made the series look good, ie the Teenage Pregnancy storyline, the diversity in casting and more, but this is what sold me. Thus started my obsession.

Anyway, I watched the show. I watched the first episode on YouTube and continued watching after that, I remember the break in between the middle of season 1 that was only like two weeks, I remember seeing missing scenes in the show that wasn’t in the original promo (their was a shot of the coming out scene in the season one promo, if it wasn’t obvious to some episode 1 of season 2, or at least the first half, was originally the episode 13 of season 1) and I remember the speculation around that and the reasoning as to why they had cut that scene out.

I was in love with it. The whole storyline was just so pure and the relationship between Jonah and Cyrus was the single best thing I’ve ever witnessed. I made a fan account on Insta for it, a Tumblr, edits and so much more. The whole community was so beautiful and it was so much fun and wholesome. I’d watch the show and remember how amazing the world could be, how something like the ‘friendom’ could exist haha. I was getting older and I know it seemed weird (I was going into my Sophomore year, possibly just ending my Freshman year of school when I started watching) to be so invested in a CHILDS show but I couldn’t help it. It was an escape from reality. A place with positivity and happiness which at that time I desperately needed.

I made some of my best memories of my life during that time of the show premiering and during the hiatus. And the majority was because of things in relation to Jyrus. I’ll never forget those times and what being connected into a fandom like that was like.

The friends, the edits, the Insta live-streams from casts, it was insane too see how happy they got from it all and how much of a new experience it was. Other things like the Asher ‘be you’ memes and Josh on here with his ‘persongoingfast’ tumblr made it great as well. Even if I’m not a big fan of Josh as a person now, due to reasons, (mainly with him seemingly making fun of or mocking Jyrus and stuff like that, considering I used to really look up to him and be a big fan to see belittle something I cared so deeply about hurt me on a level l cannot describe) him being so interactive then was still an amazing thing and helped make things so much more fun at that time, so thank you @joshua-rush for that. Sincerely.

Everything was so beautiful during that..until it lwasn’t.

My mental health got really bad due to some losses and such in my family around November of 2017 and I had to be hospitalized in a mental health facility for a few weeks. It was extremely scary but I found comfort in the place, mainly due to some fellow people inside that watched Andi Mack, relating to them and being able to talk about the show with people who actually watched it? It was incredible. No one up to that point (aside from my mom who I forced to watch with me) watched the show and could talk with me about it.

I got out and the support and concern I get from friends online was overwhelming, so many people cared about me while I was gone and worried about me. No one ever really did that, at least my friends didn’t, I remember opening my phone for the first time on the way back home when we stopped at a McDonalds and the amount of messages put me into tears. There were people online who I’ve never met and we only really knew each other through a ship and a show genuinely CARED about me? It was breathtaking. I have much more friends now that would be concerned and care about me, but at that time irl I really didn’t. And the fact so many did was unbelievable.

Everything slowly but surely was getting better and worse in some areas, my overall depression state was getting better, due to medication and such, but I had relapses a few times in bad areas like self harming as well. It was pretty back and forth for a while.

Then, the worst thing that could’ve happened, happened. A quick backstory is that I don’t live with my mom, I haven’t since 7th grade and instead have lived with my Great Aunt and Great Uncle. I was always very close to them for my entire life, especially my Great Uncle, he was for a long time the most important person in my life, he was like a father too me. Hell, he WAS my father for the majority of my life. And last year on July 11th, he had unfortunately passed away.

This was absolutely devastating and considering I already was struggling with mental health and depression in the first place..ya can probably guess the spiral that ensured.

For a while I was doing okay, and then one day I broke, it had been around the time of Cyrus confirming he no longer had a crush on Jonah and when everyone started to switch from Jyrus to Tyrus and Jyrus shipper hatred became pretty popular. People were sending a specific Jyrus shipper anons of saying they wished they’d die just because they shipped Jyrus, you couldn’t go on YouTube comment sections on videos about Jyrus because you had people shitting on it everywhere, people started commenting under Jyrus edits on Instagram about how Tyrus was better and how gross it was to ship Jyrus, I got DMs of people genuinely upset because I didn’t like Tyrus, I had friends leave the sites due to the bullying they were receiving, we had some Tyrus account going around saying Jyrus shippers were ped*philes, It was insane. Now, I of course was NO saint and I know I’ve done and said some messed up shit too and if I ever hurt anyone I am deeply sorry for that, it was not my intention. And I know Jyrus shippers are not all saints either but this was just out of control. Especially whenever it was hurting a lot of people who were innocent and making them feel wrong about something as little as shipping something.

And I had a mental breakdown. I had just lost the most important person in my life and now the place that I considered my safe haven was crumbling before my eyes and all I could do was watch. It was too much. I had people saying they wanted shippers like me dead, and finally I just couldn’t handle it and completely had a melt down. If you are already having thoughts like these and you have people reinforcing what you already thought and not making you feel like you belong, well, anywhere, it really does get too you.

I of course, came out alright. Thank you to the Tumblr creator that called the police that night for a lot of that.

I’m sorry this is so long but I’ve been holding this in for so long so please bare with me.

Anyway, I am doing much better now and I’m thankful to be here still. I’m learning to fight against the haters rather then take shit and bottle things up like I used too. I still have a lot of issues but since that awful night, I haven’t had any plans of suicide or many thoughts of it.

I’m going into my last year of high school and soon I’ll be a legal adult. It’s been such a ride to get here and honestly I never thought I would but I finally think I’m getting past all of the shit in my past and am moving on.

My main reason to make this post and to be so open about everything here was to try to explain a lot of why I’m always going to be for Jyrus and not so much for Tyrus. I have other issues then the fans when it comes to Tyrus, but it has always been a main one when it comes to me not wanting to ship it.

When I look at Jyrus, despite them being pure and amazing on their own, I see some of my last good memories, I see the best time of my life, I see a point where I felt the best and where everything was going really right too me, I see long lasting friends, I see beautiful edits, I see a community, I see love, I see loyalty and so much more.

But when I look at Tyrus, all I see is the bad memories I have associated with them and the shippers, in a lot of ways, Tyrus has been a huge source of my personal pain in life, I know it seems silly and it probably is, but I have such an emotional dependence on Jyrus and Tyrus messed me up in a lot of ways in regards to that. I lost the majority of my safe haven when they emerged as more then just a crack ship. All I see when I look at them is sadness and that’s all I’m probably going ever going to see.

I tried in numerous areas to get fully on board with the ship but I just can’t. I have no love for it in a way I do for Jyrus. It’s not a terrible ship, I know that, but throughout everything that has happened even if it had no flaws I don’t think I’d ever ship it a lot.

I know everyone has their own version of things and reasons why they ship what they ship or don’t ship what they ship or like some shippers but hate others, this is just my personal story on the matter and I hope it clears up some of why I act the way I do online sometimes and why I’m so defensive of the ship and shippers.

Sorry this was so weird, I just needed to get this off of my chest cause I’ve had it in there for so long and I needed to talk about it.

#andi mack #jyrus #vent type thing

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thebigreylotheory · 6 years

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Star Wars: The MustafarVille Ghost (reylo-y)

‘Sup my Star Warsy peoples!

Long time no see.

A few weeks hath turn regrettably into months. I wish I could be all Star Wars Captain America about it and tell you “I’m with you until the end of the [Star Wars] line.” I’m more of a trash Mary Poppins who “Shall stay until the wind changes.”

Anyways, I couldn’t miss out on your Halloween story time this year!

TheBigReyloTheory’s TrasherPiece Theatre Proudly Presents:

Star Wars: The MustafarVille Ghost

So, yeah, we all know ole Anakin [Sir Simon de Canterville] is a Force Ghost now. (And rumored to, grain-of-salt, potentially be in Episode 9.)

So, I’mgonnaruinitforyou with this mashup story [The Canterville Ghost] that I just know is going to come true. (I saw a woollyworm yesterday that had a lot of black on it, so that means Darth Vader. Or lots of winter. I forget.)

When Kylo Ren [Mr. Otis], the Supreme Leader, bought MustafarVille Castle [Vader’s Castle], everyone told him he was doing a very foolish thing, as there was no doubt at all that the place was haunted.

A few weeks after this, the purchase was concluded, and at the close of the season the Supreme Leader and his family(*) went down to MustafarVille Castle.

(*So, I feel like I need to explain to you that there’s a huge, HUGE time jump in Episode 9. As Supreme Leader with Boss Pay, Kylo was able to afford some therapy for his issues and teach him to communicate his feelings to Rey.

The dark side’s all about passion and emotion right?

Rey tried to hang out with the Resistance, but she slowly realized she was too dark side for them:

)

Their eldest son, christened Renington [Washington] by his parents, which he never ceased to regret, was a rather good-looking young man who enjoyed casinos and dancing.

Their daughter, Vir Jynnia [Virginia], was a wonderful Amazon, and had once raced her TIE Fighter, winning by a length and a half…to the huge delight of the young Duke of Naboo, Palpatine’s grandnephew [The Duke of Cheshire], who proposed to her on the spot. Everyone said she was the very image of her great-grandmother Padme, but with that Skywalker blonde hair.

After their daughter, Rey and Kylo had Force Twins, who were usually called “The Stars and Stripes,” as they were always swishing First Order underlings.

Anyways, at eleven o’clock the family retired, and by half-past, all the lights were out. Sometime after, Kylo Ren was awakened by a curious noise in the corridor, outside his room.

It seemed to be coming nearer every moment. He was quite calm and felt his pulse, which was not at all feverish. He put on his slippers, took a small phial out of his dressing-case, and opened the door.

“My dear sir, I really must insist on your oiling your mechanical limbs, and have brought you for that purpose a small bottle of the Tammany Rising Sun Lubricator. I shall leave it here for you by the bedroom candles, and will be happy to supply you with more, should you require it.”

And then Kylo slammed the door.

For a moment Vader’s Ghost stood quite motionless in natural indignation. Then, dashing the bottle violently upon the floor, he fled down the corridor. However, just as he reached the top of the great staircase, the Force Twins fearlessly flung their lightsabers at him.

Hastily adopting the fourth dimension of space as a means of escape, Vader’s Ghost vanished through the wall. Never, in his brilliant dark side career, had he ever been so insulted. He had frightened plenty of people in the past. (Why not his grandson and great-grandsons?) Accordingly, he decided to have his vengeance.

Next morning the Supreme Family discussed the ghost over breakfast. Kylo Ren was slightly annoyed the ghost had not accepted his gift. He scolded the Force Twins for being so rude to the poor ghost. It was agreed that if the ghost could not be quiet, they would have to ask him to remain in his meditation chamber.

The second appearance of the ghost happened a week later. During the night the family heard a fearful crash in the hall. Rushing down the stairs they found that a large suit of Mandalorian armor had become detached from its stand, and had fallen on the floor while the ghost rubbed his knee with an expression of pain. The Force Twins, having brought their blasters with him, shot first at him.

The ghost swept over them like mist, leaving the family in darkness. Victorious, Vader’s Ghost flew up the stairs. He barely had a moment to celebrate before a door opened, revealing Vir Jynnia.

“I am afraid you are far from well, and have brought you a bottle of Vic’s Vapor Rub. If it is a wheeze that affects your breathing, you will find it a most excellent remedy.”

Upon reaching his room, Vader’s Ghost broke down. He was far from a successful ghost, unable to frighten the family at all. For some days after this, he was extremely depressed. However, by taking great care of himself, meditating over how much he hated sand, he recovered and resolved to make a third attempt to frighten them.

He had nearly reached their corridor when right in front of him was standing a horrible specter. Monstrous as a madman’s dream! Hideous laughter seemed to have writhed its features into an eternal grin.

Having never seen a ghost before, naturally, Vader’s Ghost was frightened. He fled back to his room.

Eventually, he asserted himself and determined to go and speak to the other ghost as soon as it was daylight. Upon reaching the spot, he rushed forward lifting the ghost, only to find a registered Lucasfilm copyright on the costume.

He had been tricked! Outwitted!

Perhaps, Darth Vader was losing his touch.

Afterwards, he made up his mind to give up haunting the family. They did not deserve him. For several weeks, he was careful not to be heard or seen.

That is, until he met with a severe fall, treading on a Nerf Herder butter-slide the twins had constructed. This last insult so enraged him, that he resolved to make one final effort to assert his dignity. On reaching the room occupied by the twins, he found the door ajar. Wishing to make an effective entrance, he flung it wide open.

However, the shock to his nervous system was so great that he fled back to his room as hard as he could go.

He gave up all hope of ever frightening the rude family. On the contrary, he was seized with panic at the very sight or sound of Rey and Kylo Ren’s Force Twins.

Much time passed. Rey and Kylo threw grand parties at MustafarVille Castle. It was generally assumed that the ghost had gone away.

However, the galaxy was deceived, for the ghost was still in the castle, and was by no means ready to let matters rest, particularly as he heard Palpatine’s grandnephew, Duke of Naboo, was visiting Vir Jynnia. Accordingly, he made arrangements to appear to Vir Jynnia’s little lover in all his villainous glory.

Yet, at the last moment, his terror of the twins prevented him from leaving his room.

A few days later, Vir Jynnia and her beau went flying somewhere in the Ileenium system, where she damaged her flight helmet so badly, that, upon her return home, she made up her mind to go up by the back staircase so as not to be seen.

There she saw the ghost all by his lonesome. He looked so forlorn, Vir Jynnia was filled with compassion and determined to try and comfort him. So deep was his melancholy that he was not aware of her presence till she spoke to him. She informed him that her brothers were going back to their royal academy and if he behaved himself no one would annoy him.

Vader’s ghost thought her request to behave himself quite absurd. Haunting was his only reason for existing.

Vir Jynnia explained that was no reason at all for existing. She reminded Vader he had been very wicked. He had caused his wife to die of a broken heart. It is very wrong to cause someone to die of a broken heart.

Course, Vader then lamented how it was all Obi-Wan’s fault. Obi-wan cut off his limbs and burned a majority of his body.

Vir Jynnia, being very kind, offered to take Vader for bacta treatments. Vader assured her it was too late for that. But she could help him! Help him cross over and forever rest in the ashes of Endor!

She could open the holocron portal for him! Because of her love and compassion, and love is stronger than death!

Vader then pointed to the prophecy etched in the MustafarVille Castle window:

"First comes the day

Then comes the night.

After the darkness

Shines through the light.

The difference, they say,

Is only made right

By the resolving of gray

Through refined Jedi sight."

―Journal of the Whills, 7:477

Confused, Vir Jynnia asked what the prophecy meant.

Of course, Vader explained to her that it meant after opening the holocron, it would probably take 24 hours, but she could help him find his old gray podracing goggles, which would make everything right and then he could look all refined again and be out of sight.

There were also some lines about:

“When a golden girl can win,

Prayer from out the lips of sin,

When the barren almond bears,

And a little child gives away its tears,

Then shall all the galaxy be still,

And peace come to MustafarVille.”

But the Whills didn’t think it was all that important, so they edited that part out. They might use it in the Extended Special Edition or something.

Vir Jynnia was still confused, but agreed.

Vader’s Ghost clutched her hand tightly. Suddenly she had visions of ancient Jedi, all telling her to turn back.

Creatures in the fireplace warned her to beware. Still she lifted the holocron. Together, her and Vader disappeared through the portal opening in the wall.

Later, the same day, Rey became concerned when her daughter didn’t show for tea time.

She became really agitated when six o’clock struck and Vir Jynnia did not appear. She sent the boys out to look for their sister, while her and Kylo searched every room in the castle. They found no trace.

Suddenly, Kylo remembered he had given a band of bounty hunters permission to camp near the Klegger Corp Mining Facility by the lava river. Upon investigation he and Renington quickly assumed the bounty hunters left suddenly, kidnapping Vir Jynnia for ransom!

Well, the galaxy was in chaos.

All the stormtroopers were dispatched. Kylo immediately left Mustafar to search for his daughter.

Sweetly, the Duke of Naboo begged Kylo to allow him to aid in the search. Unfortunately, when they found the bounty hunters, their minds held no trace of Vir Jynnia. It appeared all was lost.

All returned to MustafarVille Castle and gave into suffering.

When suddenly, just past midnight, there was a loud crash. Out of the portal stepped Vir Jynnia with the holocron in her hand.

To say the family was relieved is an understatement. They all had many questions, which Vir Jynnia quickly explained.

She showed them the secret treasures of MustafarVille Castle Vader left for her.

Also how the portal lead to Vader’s burial spot on Endor. Together the family decided to hold a ceremony and place a mausoleum in remembrance of Vader.

And everything returned to normal. Vir Jynnia later married the Duke of Naboo. Episode 10 will probably be about their kid. Continue Anakin’s legacy and whatnot.

(But probably not….)

The end.

Happy Halloween!

#star wars halloween #star wars fanfiction #reylo fanfic #star wars mashup #star wars classic lit #The MustafarVille Ghost #the canterville ghost #star wars episode 9 #reylo mashup #reylo #episode 9 #episode 10 #star wars speculation #anakin force ghost #star wars humor #star wars parody #my star wars diary

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neko-shinigxmi · 6 years

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I should be sleeping, but instead I’m gonna listen to SU music w/ a music box style and tell y’all about my SI for SU, Watermelon Tourmaline instead.

5′2″ with pink-to-white hair. Skin is a light green that looks white in bright light. Wears red framed glasses all of the time. It’s technically not logical why she’d do this, but that’s like questioning Peridot’s visor or Garnet’s shades; in the end, nobody really cares.

Was mostly owned by White back on Homeworld, but wasn’t uncommon to see her in the other courts, as well.

Not...100% on her “official” powers, but so far, I’m working with: slight mood control (can calm raging gems; however, doing an entire court would drain her; best done in a small group or a single gem; fusions are more difficult, especially with the more components that make the fusion), slight plant control, and slight strength (a bit more sturdy, making her harder to poof).

Eventually served the Diamonds well enough to be honored with a Pearl of her own: Powder Pink.

Once Pink was allowed Earth, Watermelon Tourmaline found herself gifted to Pink’s court, hoping that her experience would benefit Pink’s first attempt at living up to her Diamond name.

That went...incredibly well. [/sarcasm]

It started with the Rose Quartz at the Kindergarten. It’s not like Tourmaline knew who was being made, but... The other gem struck her as...odd? Friendly, but extremely weird.

The rebellion rose to power. WT got nervous, but Pink was surprisingly unfailing...or so it would seem. WT knew enough of empathy to know not to trust that aura!!

Of course, that was nothing compared to the war. Pink shattered. Gems fighting everywhere. Homeworld versus the rebels. WT and Powder got separated. Despite her best efforts, WT was poofed by an Amethyst.

Luck was on her side, though: managed to be where Rose would protect Garnet and Pearl in the final stretch against what would be called “the corruption song”... Saving her, but who knows how many others corrupted.

She reformed much later, to a still-empty battlefield, new outfit blank of alliance... Knowing Homeworld was out of reach now and the CGs didn’t know she existed.

WT eventually made her home in the forest not too far off from Beach City. It was an old place, but learning how to fix it wasn’t so bad... Nabs stuff from town, on occasion. Has since made it a comfortable life.

...She’s learned how to sleep on her own due to depression. It’s the best way to waste a few thousand years; sleeping comfortably in darkness.

Rose never finds her. However... Steven does, funnily enough.

If it was canon, the episode would be a filler-type and set before “The Heart of the Crystal Gems” arc, but after “The Return.” Called “Forest Wanderer” Steven and the Gems hear reports of an odd girl in the forest. Not knowing what to expect, they prepare for the worst...but find a rather skittish gem, instead. She keeps largely to herself and- at first- is terrified of the Crystal Gems having finally found her. Steven gets her to calm down, but though she toes around her past, she never gets to the point of it. The group are interrupted by a corrupt gem’s roar- a corrupted Tiger’s Eye. WT admits to not even knowing her own gem summons during the battle’s heat, but with the beast giving everyone a run for their money, WT gives it a shot....hand behind her back and summoning dual chakrams. Helping the gems, WT manages to assist in the poofing...but largely decides to stay behind.

She would become a minor gem character from then on, largely missing key events until later in the series, but always giving Steven a shoulder to turn to when things are getting tough in filler episodes.

Speaks fondly of friends back on Homeworld... Labradorite ( @madamethana ), Tabu Tabu Jasper, and Hematite ( @mayxwolf ). A group of Off-Color Topazes ( @half-fox-demon1020 )...and her Pearl. Worries that she may never see them again.... It’s tough, but Steven does what he can to help ease it a little.

Steven: It’s dramatic and not what he’d want, but she’d shatter for him. Steven teaches her so much about humanity... WT can’t help but feel like she owes him so much for that. Plus, she’s apparently got some maternal instincts of her own; her support is upfront and incredibly humanlike, for her long-running disconnect from others. One of her charms, as Steven would say!

Pearl: She’s a bit...uptight, but WT can respect that. In fact, her strictness helps WT in some ways! Largely in keeping up the upkeep in her forest home and doing better in other certain aspects... Like training! WT has a lot to catch up on, after all.

Garnet: A...fusion? Good stars, how much one can miss in a few thousand years.....!!! However, there’s no beginning disgust (just lots of surprise and confusion) and- with time- WT only respects Garnet more! ...And wishes she could have a relationship like Ruby and Sapphire do... There might be a small, hopeless crush there.

Amethyst: Despite being poofed by an Amethyst, WT’s got nothing against them. If anything, this gem in particular is loads of fun! Overwhelming a lot of the time, but still makes learning of humanity a little more fun...and exciting! So many new foods they’ve tried!! It’s really something incredible.

Bismuth: Never met before, but they sure hit off a first meeting well enough! Enjoying the puns, amazed by the forge, starry-eyed at the upgrades... WT was honestly a little charmed by the larger gem. Of course, hearing that she was bubbled for her stance on shattering Homeworld gems.... That did rise up some nervousness in her; if the CGs had been shattering gems... What would have become of her? Of Powder? It makes their next meeting a little awkward, but that’s what words are for; they’re doing much better since the chat before the wedding.

Peridot: An oddity through and through, WT wasn’t too sure what to make of the shortstack the gem sub-race had turned out to be, but as she got to know the other gem... WT simply found someone a little like her old self; not seeing the real beauty in the world yet and taking too much of Homeworld to heart. Peri’s growth since has only made her happier and the two better friends.

Lapis Lazuli: Cautious at first, these two were much like wolves meeting each other for the first time. If not for Steven, the outcome would’ve surely been concerning, to say the least of it... Still, they did eventually buddy up, especially since Peri had already warmed up to WT by the time Lapis showed up. Meep-morps abound, WT cheering them on during her short visits... It was nice. Y’know, up until Lapis ditched Earth in fear of the Diamonds. WT couldn’t help but be...bitter at that. At the cowardice of it all. She really can’t...be that mad, but it bothers her, regardless.

Jasper: The two never really...had a solid gem-to-gem so far, but considering Jasper’s attitude and Steven’s tales, it’s no wonder. However, WT has a sinking feeling about the gem. Empathetic abilities let her know there is more to this “brute” than most people might first realize and it’s...a little unsettling to feel. It still only endears WT to Jasper...and in a way, fosters a sort of care-love for the gem. (Now just to hope she’ll survive knowing the truth...)

Pink Diamond: A childish, but still somewhat respectable leader, in WT’s opinion. Oh yes, another Diamond, doing their duty...but also noticeably pleased at the small things that’d get anyone else shattered. Every once and awhile, WT would expect Powder to be on approach and greet the Diamond casually, no salute or “my Diamond” in sight; yet it seemed...to make her happy? She was odd....and no wonder things turned out like they did.

Yellow Diamond: Respectful, but absolutely terrifying. Not belonging to Yellow’s court is the best thing that happened to WT, in her opinion. The pressure alone to perform as to the peak of her abilities would’ve made her self-shatter from the stress millennia ago!!

Blue Diamond: A pleasure to serve and be around. The Blue Court tends to be a fairly empathetic, well-thought out place. Makes WT feel at home and gives her enough room to be herself in a way that best benefits her role. A rather homely court, despite not being “hers” at all, honestly.

White Diamond: The air is uptight, but you get used to it after awhile. Dedication, loyalty, and focus always. It felt...like a home. Wonderful, really. Yet after experiencing Pink’s court and finding Earth it’s....difficult to imagine how “home” felt like there. It was empty, devoid of life, and the Crystal Gems have since become all the home she’ll ever need. Never going back to White Court; not ever again!!

#gemsona #self insert #self insert community #Aki speaks #Steven Universe #Aki's Summer Trip 2k18 #okay I'm tired now #TIME FOR SLEEPS #Information on the Inserts

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maximelebled · 6 years

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2017

Howdy! Time for the yearly blog post! There's enough depressing stuff that happened this year, so I want to try and not focus too much on that; talk more about the positive and the personal. (I am looking back on this opening paragraph after writing everything else, and I don’t think that ended up true.)

I find it increasingly harder to just straight up talk about things, especially in a direct manner. I think it comes from continuing to realize that so many things are extremely subjective and everything has so much nuance to it that I feel really uncomfortable saying a straight "yes" or a straight "no" to a lot of questions ("Nazis are bad" is not one, though). Or even just a straight answer.

I always end up wanting to go into tangents, and I inevitably run into not being able to phrase that nuance. You know that feeling, when you know something, you have the thought in your head; it is so clear, right there in your head, it is crystal-clear to your soul, yet you have no idea how to word it, let alone doing so in 140/280/500 characters. Frustrating!

I guess I could just put a big disclaimer here, "I am not a paragon of absolute truth and don't start interpreting my words as 'Max thinks he is the authority on XYZ' because you'd be quite foolish to do so"; but that doesn't help that much. Online discourse, let alone presence, can be so tiresome these days; not to be too Captain Obvious, but, there are quite a lot of people that delight in engaging those they see as their "opponents" in bad faith.

As a white man, I don't have it that bad, but still, I'll continue to tell you one thing: the block button is extremely good and you should feel no shame in using it. It drastically improves your online experience. (There are some very clear signs that make me instantly slam the button. I’m sure you know which ones too.)

Anyway, regardless, it's hard to get rid of a habit, especially one you've unwillingly taken on yourself, so I apologize in advance for constantly writing all those "most likely", "probably", "maybe" words, and writing in a style that can come off as annoyingly hesitant sometimes.

I started watching Star Trek this year. My Netflix history tells me: January 29th for TOS/TAS, March 26th for TNG, June 3rd for DS9, November 9th for Voyager.

TOS was really interesting to watch. A lot of things stood out: the (relative) minimalism of the sets and the directing was reminiscent of theater, and even though that was, generally speaking, because that's how TV shows used to be made, it was still striking. From a historical perspective, "fascinating" would still be an ill-suited word to describe it. Seeing that this is where a lot of sci-fi concepts came from, suddenly understanding all the references and nods made everywhere else... it was also soothing to watch a show about mankind having finally united, having exploration and discovery as its sole goal. I feel like it wouldn't have made as big of an impact on me, had I watched it a year prior.

I've always thought of myself as rejecting cynicism, abhorring it, but it's harder and harder to hold on to that as time goes on. I still want to believe in the inner good of mankind, of people in general, but man, it's hard sometimes. I think what really gnaws at me most of the time is how so many of the little bits of good that we can, and are doing, individually, and which do add up... can get struck down or "wasted away" so quickly. The two examples that I have in mind: Bitcoin, this gigantic mess, the least efficient system ever designed by mankind, has already nullified a decade's worth of power savings from the European Union's regulations on energy-efficient light bulbs. And then there's stuff like big prominent YouTubers being, to stay polite, huge irresponsible fools despite the responsibility they have in front of a massive audience of very young people. It can be really depressing to think about the sheer scale of this kind of stuff.

What we can all do on an individual level still matters, of course! I try my best not to use my car, to buy local, reduce my use of plastic, optimize my power usage, etc.; speaking of that, I've often thought about making a small website about teaching the gamer demographic in general quick easy ways to save energy. There is so much misinformation out there, gamers who disable all the power-saving features of their hardware just to get 2 more frames per second in their games, people who overclock so much that they consume 60% more power for 10% more performance, the list goes on. Maybe I'll get around to it some day.

All this stuff going on makes it hard to want to project yourself far ahead in the future. Why plan ahead your retirement in 40 years when it feels like there's a significant chance the world will go to shit by then? It's grim... but it definitely makes me understand the saying "live like there's no tomorrow". Not that I'm gonna become an irresponsible person who burns all their savings on stupid stuff, but for the time being... I don't feel like betting on a better tomorrow, so I might as well save a little bit less for the far future and have a nicer present. You know the stories of American workers who got scammed out of their own 401k? That's, in essence, the kind of stuff I wish to avoid. If that makes sense.

Anyway, going off that long depressing tangent: something I liked a lot across The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, and Voyager, was how consistent they were. The style of directing, framing, camera movement, etc. was always very similar. Now, you can argue that's just how 80s and 90s TV shows on a budget, a 4:3 aspect ratio, and smaller SD screens worked, yes, but I do believe there is a special consistency that stuck out to me. I jumped into the newest series, Discovery, right after finishing Voyager (I don't plan on watching Enterprise) and the first two episodes were confusing to watch... shaky cam, a lot of traveling shots, shallow depth-of-field, and the tendency to put two characters at the extreme left and right of the frame.It’s a hell of a leap forwards in directing trends. It all gets better after the first two episodes, though.

youtube

I remember alluding to the King of Pain project in my last yearly post. I'm glad I managed to finally do it. I'd talk about it here, but why do it when I've made 70 minutes of video about it? (And unlike my previous behind-the-scenes videos, it's a lot more condensed, and hopefully entertaining.) Unfortunately for me, I completed the video in late June, with only a month left to the TI7 Short Film Contest deadline. So I ended up making two videos back-to-back. I had to buy a new laptop in order to finish the video during my yearly pilgrimage to Seattle. It was intense! And thankfully, I managed to pull off the Hat Trick: winning the contest three years in a row. I would like to think it's a pretty good achievement, but you know how us artists are in general; as soon as we achieve something, we start thinking "eh, it wasn't that good anyway" and we raise our bar higher still.

While I do intend to participate in the contest again next year, I know I'll most likely do something more personal, that would probably be less of a safe bet, now that the pressure of winning 3 in a row is gone. I already have a few ideas lined up...

... and I do have a very interesting project going on right now! If it goes through and I don't miserably land flat on my face (which, unfortunately, has a non-zero chance of happening), you'll see it in about a month from now.

youtube

I'm pretty happy to have reached a million views on all three of my shorts; a million and a half on the TI7 one, too... it might reach two million within six months if it keeps getting views at the current rate. It surprises me a bit that this might end up being my first "big" video, one that keeps getting put on people's sidebar by the all-mighty YouTube™ Algorithm™. There's often a disconnect between what you consider to be your best work, and what ends up being the most popular.

This reminds me that, a lot of the time, I get people who ask me if I'm a streamer or a "YouTuber". My usual answer is that I'm on YouTube, but I'm not a "YouTuber". I wholeheartedly reject that subculture, the cult of personalities, the attempts at parasocial relationships, and all that stuff. It's just not for me. Now, that said, I do hope to achieve 100k subscribers one day... I'm getting closer and closer every day! The little silver trophy for bragging rights would be neat.

My office was renovated by my dad while I was gone. It's much nicer now, and I finally have a place to put most of my Dota memorabilia. He actually sent me this picture I didn't know he'd taken, behind my back, in 2014; the difference is striking... (I think that game I'm playing is Dragon Age: Inquisition.)

Tinnitus. I first noticed my tinnitus when I was 20. I vividly remember the "hold on a second" moment I had in bed... man, if I'd known back then how worse it'd get. Then again, the game was rigged from the start; as a kid, I had frequent ear infections because my canals are weird and small. What didn't help either was the itching; back then, they thought it was mycosis... and treatment for that didn't help at all. Turns out it was psoriasis! Which I also started getting on my right arm that year. (It's eczema, it's itchy, it's chronic, and the treatment steroid cream. Or steroids.) Both conditions got worse since then, too.

Tinnitus becomes truly horrible when you start the doubt the noises you're hearing. When all you have is the impossible-to-describe high-pitched whine, things are, relatively speaking, fine. You know what the noise is, and you learn, you know not to focus on it. But with my tinnitus evolving, new "frequencies", I have, on occasion, started doubting whether I was hearing an actual noise or if it was just my inner ear and brain working in concert to make it up. So I end up thinking about it, actively, and that makes it come back. I had a truly awful week when, during an inner ear infection, the noise got so shrill, so overwhelming, I lost so much sleep over it. I couldn't tune it out anymore. It was like it was at the center of my head and not in my ears anymore. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I'm not even sure that I'm in the clear yet regarding that. But, like I said, it's best if I don't dwell on it. Thinking of the noise is no bueno.

Really, the human body is bullshit. Here's another example. A couple months ago, I managed to bite the inside of my mouth three separate times. I hate when it happens, not because of the immediate pain, but because I already dread the mouth ulcer / canker sore (not sure which is the appropriate medical translation; the French word is "apthe"). Well, guess what: none of these three incidents had the bite degenerate into an ulcer... but one appeared out of nowhere, in a different spot, two weeks later. And while mouthwash works in the moment, it feels like it never actually helps... it's like I have to wait for my body to realize, after at least ten days, oh yeah, you know what, maybe I should take care of this wound in my mouth over here. And it always waits until it gets quite big. There's no way to nip these goddamn things in the bud when they're just starting.

But really, I feel like I shouldn't really complain? All in all, it could be much worse, so so so much worse. I could have Crohn's disease. I could have cancer. I could have some other horrible rare disease. Localized psoriasis and tinnitus isn't that bad, as far as the life lottery goes. As far as I'm aware, there's nothing hereditary in my family, besides the psoriasis, and the male pattern baldness. I wonder how I'll deal with that one ten, fifteen years down the line...

Just as I'm finishing writing this, the Meltdown & Spectre security flaws have been revealed... spooky stuff, and it makes me glad I still haven't upgraded my desktop PC after five years. I've been meaning to do it because my i7 4770 (non-K) has started being a bit of a bottleneck, that and my motherboard has been a bit defective the whole time (only two RAM slots working). But thankfully I didn't go for it! I guess I will once they fix the fundamental architectural flaws.

The Y2K bug was 18 years late after all.

Here's a non-exhaustive list (because I’m trying to skip most of the very obvious stuff, but also because I forget stuff) of media I enjoyed this year:

Series & movies:

Star Trek (see above)

Travelers

The Expanse

Predestination (2014)

ARQ

Swiss Army Man

Video games:

Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice

Horizon: Zero Dawn

What remains of Edith Finch

Uncharted: Lost Legacy

Wolfenstein II

Super Mario Odyssey

Metroid: Samus Returns

OneShot

Prey

Music:

Cheetah EP by James Hunter USA

VESPERS by Thomas Ferkol

Some older stuff from Demis Roussos and Boney M.... and, I'll admit reluctantly, still the same stuff: Solar Fields, the CBS/Sony Sound Image Series, Himiko Kikuchi, jazz fusion, etc. I'm still just as big a sucker for songs that ooze with atmosphere. (I've been meaning to write some sort of essay on Solar Fields... it's there, floating in my head... but it's that thing I wrote earlier: you know the idea, intimately, but you're not sure how to put it into words. Maybe one day!)

I think that's about it this year. I hope to write about 2018 in better terms!

See you next year.

#year in review

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ramblingsrantsreviews · 4 years

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13 Reasons Why: Season 4 -- Character Thoughts

I’ve written about 13 Reasons Why twice before. Once when the first season came out and then last year I did a character breakdown for season 3. It feels a bit surreal to sit down and write what is quite possibly the last thing I ever write for this godforsaken Netflix show.

Here’s the thing, 13 Reasons Why has been a downright mess from the beginning. It is by no means a show that people should watch lightly or a show that should be consumed to understand mental health issues despite what it tried to market itself as. It was controversial for the sake of being flashy, it constantly disobeyed the recommendations from mental health consultants, and it was god awfully graphic when it didn’t need to be. And yet, despite graphically showing a suicide, showing multiple sexual assaults, and trying to get viewers to sympathize with rapists the worst thing this show has ever done is write season 4.

Now, here me out on this.

Were their amazing and heartfelt moments during this season? Yes, absolutely and they warmed my heart and made me smile. As a whole though, this season was a disoriented shit show that culminated in an almost two hour finale that left me sobbing so hard I gave myself a migraine.

I have a lot to say about the season and these characters and to be honest, this rant is probably going to be as disjointed as this season felt but I’m going to write it anyway. So here I go with another (and final) character analysis for the cast of 13 Reasons Why.

Clay Jenson

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again Clay Jenson has never been my favorite. And yet, I’ve spent four entire seasons hoping and praying that this boy gets the mental help he needs.

When the trailer came out for this season I was really upset because it made it seem that they were going to have Clay go to therapy with a therapist who was going to make his life a living hell. I was literally ready to write a rant about how disappointed I would be if this show ended with the message that “therapy isn’t helpful,” so I am extremely glad I didn’t have to do that.

Honestly though, I wasn’t sure why Clay was having such a strong reaction this season. After all, he wasn’t the one who spearheaded the cover up campaign nor was he a fan of Bryce or Monty. Clay should have been relatively okay this season and yet that’s not what we got.

To be honest, I spent the first part of this season extremely annoyed with Clay. One of his biggest issues, and issues for the entire cast of characters, is that they don’t reach out for help when they need it. Sure, Clay didn’t realize he was the one who vandalized the school and tormented his friends but he also didn’t tell the truth on how his depression and anxiety were manifesting worse than ever. Instead, he pushed everyone away…again.

Speaking of the disassociation, the way they shot those scenes and him coming out of them was bizarre. It’s almost like they forget 13 Reasons Why is an angsty teen drama and not some psychological thriller. I was definietly not a fan and truthfully almost stopped watching this season because of it (maybe I should have since it would have saved me a heartbreak).

The disassociation scene that really got me upset though was the one where he’s in the frat house with the passed out girl. I will never understand how the writers could write that scene. How could they put Clay and Bryce in the same room with an unconscious girl and have Clay actually consider raping her. I was floored and disgusted. This entire show is built on the fact that Clay Jenson actively despises rapist. That he would never and I mean NEVER take advantage of some girl for his own selfish gain. I hated this scene and the way the writers tried to make it seem like Clay was just like Bryce all along. That’s the furthest thing from the truth. Clay might be fucked up but he is no where on the level of Bryce.

I also don’t understand why Clay kept visualizing Bryce and Monty. Once again it felt like the writers were trying to get us to sympathize with these two rapists but fuck that. Bryce and Monty weren’t good people, they were monsters. And Clay actively hated them which is why I don’t understand why his subconscious kept dreaming them up. I understand the writers wanted to keep them in the show but I can’t stand behind the way they did it.

Something that really suck out to me was when Clay was in a therapy session and the therapist said something along the lines of you try your best to save everyone else but maybe you need to focus on you right now. Obviously, I’m paraphrasing here but that scene was impactful. For four seasons we’ve seen Clay set aside his trauma to help his friends. He tried to find justice for Hannah after her death, he talked Tyler down from doing something he’d regret, he literally saved Justin’s life, and he was willing to take the fall for Alex. All of his friends knew they could count on him and yet, Clay could never count on himself. I’m glad that started to change towards the end but I wish he would have realized it sooner and also confided in his friends to help him out.

One of my biggest complaints this season though has to be the way Clay treated his friends — in case that hasn’t been clear. Yes, he needed to focus on himself but that doesn’t mean he had to be so distant from his friends. He could have confided in them. He could have told Justin the truth just like he should have seen that Justin wasn’t okay. He could have talked to Tyler about the guns instead of being annoyed that Tony wanted him to help him stalk Tyler. He could have been there for Ani when her mother got injured. He could have been there for Zach who was clearly struggling. He could have been there for Alex who was clearly lost. He could have but he didn’t. Yes, he needed to focus on himself but alienating himself from his friends was the wrong move.

There is no denying that Clay Jenson has had a rough go at life. I did appreciate the fact that he got to give the graduation speech. Clay does have a way for words and he does have a thing for standing up for what is right. I like that Clay’s speech was honest but also hopefully, especially since he spent this entire season actively despising the future. After all, Clay has to live a life for himself and for the three people he loved who don’t get to have one.

I also loved that despite their rocky relationship this season the writers showed us that Clay and Justin were brothers, always. It absolutely broke my heart when Justin asked Clay to hold his hand in the hospital bed (and now I’m crying again). I’m glad in the end though, we got to have one more sweet and brotherly moment between these two when Clay found Justin’s college application letter.

There is a lot to unpack when it comes to Clay Jenson and I’m not quite sure I’ve had time to fully process him. One thing I do know for sure is that Clay Jenson loves so much and has been hurt so many times it’s unfair. He’s come so far from the jaded, out for revenge boy from the first season. I just wish he didn’t have to go through so much trauma to get there.

Justin Foley

Of all the death on 13 Reasons Why of all the fucked up shit this show has explored, nothing could have prepared me to watch Justin die.

I can count on my hands the amount of times I’ve cried over a character’s death but nothing compares to the sobbing that occurred in the final episode. I literally had to stop multiple times because I was crying so hard I couldn’t even hear.

Justin Foley has been my ride or die character from the very beginning. It’s like Hannah said “so that’s where the trouble began, that damn smile.” I have never rooted for a character as hard as I rooted for Justin Foley because the boy had potential, he did.

In case I haven’t made myself clear, Justin Foley did not deserve to die and I will never forgive the writers for taking yet another character from us and from this group of friends.

Here’s the thing that’s so frustrating, Justin has the best character development of any of the characters on 13 Reasons Why. In the first season, he went from this cocky jock who felt he found brotherhood in his rich best friend to this broken boy who felt so alone and responsible for Bryce’s actions that he ran away and turned to the streets and drugs for comfort. And then Clay saved him because Clay saw two things in Justin. 1. He knew Justin could help them get Bryce behind bars and 2. He saw potential in Justin. And so from that moment on Justin tried as hard as he could to do the right thing. Did he fail at times? Of course, but no character in this show actively tried to do and be better than Justin. No character wanted to live more than Justin. And to have him die feels like such a slap in the face to his journey.

I had such high hopes for Justin this season when he came back home from treatment. He was taking his recovery seriously, so seriously he even broke up with Jess which killed them both. He was helping Coach with the team, he was doing well in school and not skipping classes, hell he was even excited at the idea of being able to go to college. He was finally able to see a future for himself and then, within a second it was gone.

Even though Justin relapsed after his mother’s death and pushed everyone away, he still came to his senses and realized he fucked up. He detoxed himself, again, and came clean to Clay and his family. He wanted to get better, even in his lowest moment. He even pulled himself out of bed because there was no way he was going to miss prom.

Thank god he got his fairytale dance with Jess before everything came crashing down.

I am so mad about his death because the writers had the ability to chose a different fate for Justin. They had a chance to actually do something good with their show and show that people with HIV can live happy and fulfilling lives and instead they bought into this bullshit that an HIV diagnosis is a death sentence. Instead of giving us the happily ever after Justin deserved they let him become another character lost.

And for what? For shock value? For controversy? For attention?

There was no reason Justin should have died. There was no hint that it was his funeral we were seeing until the last two episodes. Some might say that’s good writing since they mislead us but I think that’s bullshit. What was the point of showing us a happy and thriving Justin only to have that imaged ripped away from us?

Someone please make it make sense.

And then, as if that wasn’t bad enough they have Clay see Justin with Bryce after his death. Why are these writers so hell bent on making Justin and Bryce seem like brothers. Newsflash, Justin already had a brother and his name was Clay Jenson. While I understand the point of Justin’s forgiveness speech was meant to get Clay to realize that he needed to forgive Hannah I am so pissed that they framed it within the context of Bryce. Once again I say, Bryce was not a good person he was a serial rapist and a monster. Stop humanizing him! Thank god, that wasn’t Justin’s final scene because I would have been so pissed.

In the end, I’m glad we got to see and hear what Justin thought of Clay. I know we’ve heard and seen them be brotherly before but hearing Justin say that Clay was his positive influence, his brother, and the reason he was alive was everything. Here’s the thing though, Clay may have saved Justin but Justin was the one who stayed alive. It’s like Jess said “don’t love anything more than life.” And Justin didn’t. He loved life so much and they took that away from him.

What was the point of having the boy, this broken and soft boy, do all this work and come so far just to have him ripped away from the future he so desperately wanted. The show had already made its point that life isn’t fair and it sucks it didn’t need to take Justin too.

Justin Foley deserved to graduate with his brother, love of his life, and best friends. Justin deserved to go to college. He deserved to have more family breakfasts with the Jensons. He deserved to settle down and have a family of his own. He deserved so much more.

I am so proud of how far Justin came and the writers can fuck off for ending it all.

Jessica Davis

I’ve always loved Jess but she is really stupid sometimes. Unfortunately, she was stupid most of this final season.

I know Jess was expecting to be in a relationship with Justin when he got home from treatment and I know it must have hurt having him tell her that he needed to focus on himself but she was so wrong for lashing out at him. She should have stood by his side. She should have understood! And maybe she did in the end because she did tell him not to love anything more than life ever again but fuck she needed to tell that to him in that moment.

So yeah I was annoyed with Jess this season. Not just because she left Justin when he needed support but because she, too, pulled away from everyone who cared and loved her.

I would like to preface this by saying that I read someone say something like “Jess can’t call herself a feminist because she fucks with boys to fuck with their emotions.” My response to that person and that thought process is fuck you. Newsflash, a person can be a feminist and like sex. A girl can be a feminists and still make mistakes.

Now that that is out of the way, I will say that I do not agree with Jess’s choices this season. She should have never got involved with Diego. I don’t care if she was “trying to keep him at bay” or “trying to see what he knew” she should not have been with him. After the thing with Justin, Jess should have taken the time to figure out who she was just like Justin was trying to figure out who he was. After all, no one really believed that Jess and Justin weren’t still in love with each other. Her story would have been so much more interesting if we got to see her support herself and support Justin in his sobriety instead of doing whatever the fuck she thought she was doing. Not to mention, she should never have walked away from him when she caught him relapsing in the ally way. I don’t care that he yelled at her, she should have pulled his ass out of there and taken him home. Not because it’s her responsibility to keep him alive but because she knew him better than anyone and knew that he didn’t deserve to be there again.

Not to mention, her dating Diego took away from all the cute Justin/Jess moments we deserved and now are never going to get.

The sad thing is, that’s not the only mistake the writers made with Jess.

Aside from abandoning Justin in the moment, one of my biggest issues with Jess was her complicated feelings around Bryce continued to be a big part of this season. Which again I say, Bryce was a rapist who didn’t deserve redemption so stop trying to make it happen.

The final scene after graduation where Jess sees Bryce and goes up to him ignited a rage within me that I actually stopped my inconsolable crying. In the scene, Bryce tells Jess that he won again to which Jess responds that they never would have all be friends if it wasn’t for him. Bryce then tells her “well that’s something right?”

While yes, this group of friends probably wouldn’t have been friends if it wasn’t for Bryce that doesn’t suddenly make Bryce a good person. Jess shouldn’t have even given Bryce the time of day. The ghost she should have seen should have been Justin. Let’s face it, Justin was the one who deserved to be in that final scene not fucking Bryce.

The only thing that Jess did do right, in regards to Bryce, was confronting Ani for sleeping with him. I’m glad she finally got hash that out because I truly cannot believe it was never a bigger issue with their friendship.

Another thing I still can’t get over is the fact that Jess dated Diego who spent the entire season trying to bring justice to Monty, a rapist who happened to rape one of Jess’s best friends. So yeah I’m anti Diego/Jess. Oh, and I also hated the fact that they tried to make it seem like Jess was going to end up with Diego “in a month.” Hello, the love of her life just died! The two of you are getting HIV tested because of his death and you think now is a good time to ask her out? Give me a fucking break.

I also didn’t understand why she pulled away from Alex and the rest of the group this season. Jess and Alex literally are ride or die and yet they basically ignored each other the entire season. I would have liked to see them bonding more. It would have been nice to see Alex confide in Jess about his sexuality. Maybe Alex could have helped Jess understand why Justin couldn’t have been in a relationship. I just wanted more of them together.

Again I will say, this cast is strongest when they rely on each other and no one seemed to rely on each other at all this season.

For all the negatives regarding Jess this season there were some positives. The scene where she leads the walk out after the fake shooter drill and the cameras and Diego being racially profiled was amazing. That is the Jess I love to see. The strong and outspoken Jess who stands up for what is right, even if it means she’s going to get in trouble. That episode was also extremely relevant in more ways than I can even begin to explain (but that’s a topic for another day).

I am glad we did get some quality Justin/Jess content. Though I would have liked more. I wanted to see the exchange that occurred when she found out his mother died. I would have liked to see them celebrate Justin getting into college and figuring out what Jess’s future was going to be since she got denied from her top three schools. Again, I wanted to see them support each other. However, I am so glad we got that dance scene at prom. If only the show had ended there. Truthfully that scene encompasses why I love Justin and Jess together so much. Are they a toxic couple, yes? But dammit, they love each other so much while also reminding each other not to put their love for one another above their love for life.

I’m also glad we got to see Justin and Jess in the hospital together even if it killed me. I’m glad Jess got to tell Justin one more time that he didn’t ruin her life, that he helped her find love. I’m glad they got to spend one more moment cuddled together in bed. I wish they had a lifetime more to spend together but dammit at least we got that scene.

When looking at Jess’s storyline as a whole from the entire series she really has come so far and yet this season she felt so stagnant. I just wanted and expected more from her.

Alex Standall

Alex Standall went from “I’m not gay” to making out with three boys and landing the best boyfriend ever all in the span of 10 episodes and I could not be more proud.

Given all Alex has been through he honestly was way more composed than I thought he would have been considering he was the one who killed Bryce. And yet, the only time we truly get to see him deal with the complex emotions he feels is during the camping trip when he breaks down in front of his dad. To be honest, I’m kind of glad we didn’t get an entire season of Alex being “woe is me” for killing Bryce because he really is the fucking hero of the story if you ask me.

That’s not to say Alex’s story this season is without faults.

One of the biggest issues I had with Alex this season is his disregard for Zach’s well being. Zach spent the entire second and third season working with Alex to get better. Zach was there for him in more ways than he could imagine and yet when Zach was struggling Alex didn’t show him the same kind of support. Now, some might say that’s because he felt embarrassed for kissing Zach but that’s a coup out. While the moment might have been awkward, they moved on from it. So no that’s not a reason and Alex should have been there for Zach. Hell, even in his fucked up state Zach was still championing Alex and pushing him towards Charlie. I am glad that Alex did push him to see Justin in the end but the support was long overdo.

The other issue I had with Alex this season was his relationship with Winston but to be fair, he didn’t know who Winston was when they started seeing each other so I’ll forgive him…I guess.

Now on to something positive, for once.

Alex Standall. Little Alex Standall who put Hannah and Jess against each other, who spent his entire high school career hating Justin for dating Jess, who nearly took his own life, who killed a rapist, who’s been through so much shit finally got his happily ever after. I know a lot of us were rooting for Alex and Zach to be endgame but I honestly could not be more thrilled that he got his happy ever after with Charlie.

To see Alex go from this broken and lonely kid to prom king with his boyfriend is the true definition of growth and happiness. Is Alex healed because he found love? Absolutely not, but he’s with someone who knows that Alex has a lot going on and he doesn’t care. He loves him regardless.

I really loved how causal Alex’s coming out scene was with his parents. And I loved that his brother was like “you’re dating the quarterback, that’s amazing.” It was not only heartwarming but it was funny and I loved it. I also loved that Alex didn’t have this coming out moment with his friends. He didn’t have to explain his feelings for Zach or Winston or Charlie. He didn’t have to say “I’m gay or bisexual ” to them. He just showed up with Charlie and that was that. I really applaud the writers for making that move.

I also loved that despite all their differences, Alex was able to be there for Justin in the end. It didn’t even feel like a forced thing, he wanted to be there for him. Alex even spoke, or tried to speak at Justin’s funeral and told everyone that Justin was there for him when it mattered. That showed tremendous growth for Alex who literally wanted to kill Justin more times than I can count.

Lastly, I would just like to say that I am so glad that Alex Standall is free. He didn’t deserve to go to jail for killing Bryce. There was a moment during prom where Alex, Jess, and Zach are all sitting there talking about Bryce and how he didn’t deserve to die. And I was so mad because dammit Bryce was a piece of shit who didn’t deserve to live but I think Zach really said it best, “he didn’t deserve to die, but we deserve to live.” Nothing could be farther from the truth. I’m glad Alex gets to finally live.

Zach Dempsey

All I’ve wanted for four seasons is for Zach to get the storyline he deserves and once again he was fucked over by the writers.

Here’s the thing, if Justin had the best positive character development of this cast, Zach Dempsey had the worst. After all, he spent this entire season regressing.

When Zach was first introduced back in season one he was this misguided jock who liked Hannah but had a weird way of showing it. And he was there for Alex in the second season and welcomed Justin back in the third season. We also saw him in the third season being cautious around the rest of the group after the Tyler incident. But he eventually warmed up to them all and realized that this group of friends are ride or die when it matters.

Sure, Zach had a hell of a season three ending after losing his entire athletic career at the hands of Bryce and beating the shit out of him but Zach knew he didn’t kill Bryce. In fact, the police flat out told him that in the third season which is why his choices this season made no sense to me. Perhaps, though, I’m being too narrow minded. Perhaps, Zach’s decision to drink and be reckless didn’t stem from his guilt over Bryce but rather his anger over the fact that his future was going to look completely different because of Bryce.

I will say this, Zach Dempsey deserved better from the writers but he also deserved better from his friends. I talked about this briefly with Alex’s breakdown but I’m going to say it again. Why wasn’t anyone there for Zach? Zach helped Justin get back on the football team so why the fuck didn’t Justin do more to help Zach? Surely he knows what its like to go down a destructive path. He knows the signs. Where was he?

And what about Clay? Clay practically leaves Zach for dead after crashing the car. Like what the fuck! Or Tony? I don’t think these two even say more that two words to each other this season and that’s pushing it. These two practically saved every single one of the people in the group and yet they didn’t care enough to reach out to Zach. And yes, I know everyone was going through their own shit but everyone is always going through their own shit. Zach deserved friendship. He deserved friends to call him out on his bullshit. I am glad that Alex and Charlie were able to pull him together to see Justin I just wished they had given him that pep talk sooner.

What about his family? Where was his mother or his sister? Why was no one watching out for this poor boy who was struggling? Where was his therapy session? Zach was just as worthy of being saved as everyone else.

Also, I absolutely cannot forgive the writers for making it seem like Zach was going to rape his barely conscious, sex-worker prom date. Just like Clay would never do that, Zach would never do that. He spent multiple seasons actively shutting that shit down so for the writers to even suggest he would become a monster like that is so disrespectful.

The one thing I can and will praise Zach on is his reaction when Alex kissed him on the rooftop. That scene reminded me of the sweet and innocent Zach that we had known prior to this seasons events. I love that he didn’t make things awkward or yell at Alex or anything. The two of them were able to laugh about it and move on. It never made their friendship awkward and they even joked about it later.

I am glad that by the time graduation came along Zach turned himself around. The death of Justin saved him in my opinion and in some ways I feel like Zach and Justin’s stories are eerily similar. They both saved each other at some point in time. They were both saved by their coach who gave them hell but saw potential in them. Perhaps, Justin was Zach’s cautionary tale.

Tyler Down

While I was disappointed in the lack of Tyler this season it did somewhat make sense. In my eyes, Tyler has already gotten his redemption arc so it seems fair that he could have faded in the background this season. However, when you set up the first half of the season revolving around Tyler being called into the police for the guns and then don’t explain it there a problem.

Did I think Tyler was working for the police? Yes, but it still should have been explored more. If anything else the failed sting should have been explained more. That episode ended in a cliff hanger with a gun shot going off and then the next episode started with no mention of anything. I seriously thought someone got shot but apparently that wasn’t the case.

While I understand why Tyler couldn’t tell Clay and Tony about his involvement I do think he could have given them more than just an “it’s handled.” After all, when has had anything been handled neatly when it came to this group.

I did find his relationship/friendship with Estella to be quite interesting. In some ways it’s the biggest fuck you to Monty and in other ways its extremely confusing because why on earth would someone want to be hang out with the sibling of the person who raped you. But then again, we are not products of our families, we are products of our own choices and Estella actively chose to speak out against sexual assault.

Overall, I’ve been pleased with Tyler’s journey over the course of the four seasons. I’m glad he got to live. I’m glad he’s happy. I’m glad he’s healing.

Tony Padilla

To me, Tony Padilla constantly gets treated like a secondary character when he has an important place in the overall narrative of this story. Last season we did get to learn more about his personal life and I am glad that continued this season. But I still think the writers could have given us more.

I did enjoy seeing him find himself in the boxing ring. In the first seasons Tony was this kid who was constantly getting in trouble for fighting and over the course of the remaining seasons he really learned to harness that anger into something a bit more positive. And he’s damn good at it. I’m glad Caleb and his father were able to talk him into going to college. Tony deserves the world after everything he’s been through.

One complaint I do have is how the show wants to write Clay and Tony as this ride or die friendship but they’re rarely ever there for each other unless a disaster is on the horizon. Why wasn’t Tony checking in more on Clay’s deteriorating mental state? Why wasn’t Clay present at any of Tony’s boxing matches? Why didn’t they have conversations that didn’t revolve around Tyler and the mysterious guns? If the writers really wanted us to believe that these two were ride or die they didn’t do enough to show us. And while the end scene of Clay and Tony driving off in the mustang was sweet and made the show come full circle, Clay should have been driving off with Justin.

However, I will say this, it absolutely warmed my heart when Tony realized that his friends and adults around him did care and want the best for him. For so long Tony has been the back bone of this friend group, the one that is there to clean up their messes and be a shoulder to cry on. And for the first time he gets to be the one who gets support. We see this happen during the school walk out when his friends try to tell him not to leave the fight but they realize he has to, to protect themselves. And eventually Tony does join the fight to protect Tyler. But then something happens, the police officer who’s been training him steps him and lets Tony go because he knows Tony can’t get arrested. He knows Tony will face bigger consequences for his actions and he doesn’t want that because he sees the potential Tony has to do great. It’s not just that scene though, we see Caleb and his father supporting him throughout the season too.

Overall, I think Tony is a character who grew into his own but also stayed true to himself.

Ani Achola

Just like many of us, I am not a fan of Ani.

She was irrelevant and annoying in the third season and she became even more irrelevant in this season. Honestly, I think it was wise of the writers to have her take a back seat role during this season because of all the criticism they received from last season. I do feel sorry for Grace Saif who plays her though because she is extremely talented.

Ani was a bit all over the place this season, even more so than she was last season. To be honest, I wasn’t sure why she wasn’t on edge knowing Winston and Diego and the rest of the football team were trying to figure out what happened to Monty. After all, she’s the one who spearheaded the campaign to frame him. She felt too okay and too calm with everything going on — it’s almost as if she thrived on the chaos.

I’m glad that her and Clay ended up breaking up. They were never a good match to begin with and it never sat well with me how she introduced Clay as her boyfriend to her mom without even asking him. I think there need to fix people is what became their demise because neither one was able to confide in the other without having them try to be the rescuer.

I do applaud the writers for finally having Jess confront Ani about her relationship with Bryce. That was such a major part of last season and while they touched upon it they never really discussed it further. Ani needed to be held accountable for her actions so I’m glad Jess set that in motion. I’m also glad they were able to come away from that and still be friends. That took courage and strength from Jess that I don’t think I would have.

The scene between Ani and Mrs. Walker was interesting. At first I thought she was being dumb for not talking Bryce’s college fund for herself but then in the same breath I understand because why would she want anything from the person who ruined all of her friends’ lives, even if she did “see something in him.” The resolution to that plot point was perfect though. What’s better than using a rapists money to fund the anti-sexual assault club at the school? It’s the ultimate revenge.

I also am grateful to the writers that they didn’t give us an Ani scene where she talks to ghost Bryce. One of the few good choices they made this season.

My biggest complaint regarding Ani this season is the fact that she was completely missing when Justin was dying. Sure, we didn’t need a scene with her in the room with him but she wasn’t even in the lobby. Regardless of her feelings towards Justin she should have been there. She should have been there to support Jess and Clay and Alex and every one of her friends who sat in that hospital lobby waiting for their turn to say goodbye to yet another classmate gone too soon.

Overall, I think Ani was irrelevant as a whole. She had no business befriending all these people and while she may have saved them I think they could have saved themselves without her help.

Charlie St. George

In the history of good Liberty High jocks, Charlie St. George is by far the best one and my favorite.

Standing up to your team especially when your the young player is a hard thing to do but Charlie did it last season so well. In fact, he even earned himself the captain spot this season and that’s a title he truly deserves. He constantly held his teammates accountable and put them in line when they were being disrespectful and assholes.

I also loved that his coming-out scene was just a casual conversation with his father who didn’t lash out or challenge his views. In fact, his dad joked about his obsession with Eli Manning and how he wouldn’t love him any less. Of all the fucked up things in this show, the one thing they often got right was showing parents who unconditionally love their children and that’s important.

Charlie’s greatest moments though are in his scenes with Alex. At first, I was a bit blind-sighted by their relationship (albeit I did support it right away) but then someone pointed out that in the final scene of last season, Charlie is watching Alex and that’s when I knew the writers had this planned all along. As much as we all wanted Alex and Zach to be a thing, Alex and Charlie was everything we wanted and more.

Not only was Charlie an amazing friend to Alex and willing to cover up a murder when he hardly knew him but he’s also a loving and supporting boyfriend, even before he had the label. Charlie researched Alex’s TBI and knew how to calm him down when he was having a panic attack and hearing things. He knew when Alex needed a shoulder to cry on and when Alex needed some space. And he knew, even when Alex didn’t want to admit it, that Alex deserved him.

I loved their first kiss. I loved the scene at the pier where Alex tries to push Charlie away but Charlie won’t let him. I love the promposal sequence. And I absolutely loved prom.

Liberty High’s Class of 2019 having two prom kings was everything we ever wanted.

I think what made it even better was the fact that they won at the hands of the football team. A team that was previously lead by two rapist who were constantly making fun of people’s sexual orientations and being homophobic assholes all the time. To see that team supporting and rooting for Charlie and Alex was a truly magical moment.

While I was and still am a bit confused why he got involved with this messy group, I’m glad he did. And I’m so glad there isn’t a fifth season that will ruin him because he needs to be protected at all costs.

Winston

I’m going to say something controversial here and I’m not sure how people are going to take it.

Winston is a gay version of season one Clay who falls in love with his made up version of people and then seeks revenge so that he’s not the only one in pain.

Literally, if you look at Clay’s arc in season one and Winston’s in this season you see they are the exactly same person. Winston may have transferred to Liberty after getting kicked out of Hillcrest but his true motivation was to figure out who framed Monty. And for what? They hung out what, two times? And the first time Monty literally beat the shit out of Winston!

Winston had this idolized version of who Monty was in his head. He essentially turned Monty into this manic pixie dream boy, just like Clay did with Hannah. This is proved in the prom scene when Winston dances with ghost Monty. In that scene Monty confirms that there was never a possibility that the two of them would ever be able to dance like this together, that Monty would never have let Winston fall in love with him. In fact, he tells Winston to live with the living. It’s the only thing Monty ever did right.

What’s even better is that Winston ends up falling for Alex, next. In fact in one scene he’s telling everyone that Alex is the first boy he loved and yet a minute later he’s back to seeking revenge for Monty because he loved him. Which is it Winston? And doesn’t that remind you of Clay?

I don’t feel sorry for Winston and I’m not his fan. He spent the entire season being a rape apologist and even went as far as befriending Tyler to get more information about Monty. That’s despicable. He doesn’t get a gold star for not telling the police the truth because he only didn’t do it because he “loved” Alex.

But unlike Clay who supports his friends and does this out of the good of his heart, Winston only did it to seek revenge. And I truly don’t think he cared about anyone.

For all I care Winston can go rot with Bryce and Monty.

Diego Torres

I don’t have much to say about Diego other than I wasn’t a fan.

The only redeemable thing about him was that he supported Charlie and Alex and wasn’t a homophobic asshole. However, being a decent human being in one aspect of life doesn’t make him worthy of anything. Especially when we spent most of the season being a rape apologist and tormenting Clay who was already in a fragile state.

Also, I absolutely hated his final scene with Jess when they were getting the results of their HIV test. How on earth could this dumbass kid ask Jess out after she just lost the love of her life to AIDS and they’ve just been HIV tested. How selfish and stupid can he be?

I will say that he did not deserve to be racially profiled during the fight scene between him and Justin. And I’m glad that Justin stood up for him and Diego in turn stood up for Justin during the fight with the police. Again, though, that doesn’t excuse the rest of his actions this season.

Perhaps if he would have admitted his wrong doings and apologized to Clay I could have gotten behind him but he didn’t and therefor he can rot with the rest of them.

---

While I have a lot more to say about these characters and this season I think I’m going to have to end it here. Perhaps, I’ll end up writing another post or review for this show but we’ll see. As I’ve said before there’s so much to unpack about this show that it’s hard to analyze everything.

You can stream the final season of 13 Reasons Why on Netflix.

What did you think of the characters this season? Do you think Justin deserved to die? Were you happy with the outcomes? Let me know in the comments below or by tweeting me @3RsBlog.

#13 reasons why #13rw #13 reasons why season 4 #rants #rant #clay jenson #justin foley #jessica davis #tyler down #Alex Standall #zach demspy #charlie st. george #diego torres #winston #ani achola

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minatoiskyuubismate · 7 years

Text

Fanfic Rtte the Dagur episodes

Another “dagurized” episode I rewrote with a different ending.

Astrids Team

Some weeks passed.

During a control flight over dragons edge, Hiccup and Astrid recognized, that the Night Terrors, a swarm of small black dragons, are missing on their watchtowers. When they returned to the base, they found out why. Ruffnut and Tuffnut were playing with one of the small dragons, while the others flew around them.

Ruffnunt was waving a stick over the snout of the Night Terror, when Hiccup and Astrid landed on the platform in front of the dome.

“What in Thors name are you two doing?” Hiccup asked.

“What does it look like we are doing?” Ruffnut said. ”Dragon training!”

“Look what I teached him!” Tuffnut said and picked the Night Terror up. “Ready, little Guy?-Shake!”

When the male twin released the little dragon again, he fell on its back, shaking his body around. Hiccup and Astrid didn’t looked impressed.

“I am not sure how useful this skill is.” Hiccup grumbled.

“Well, that’s not all he does.”

“These dragons are not our pets, Tuffnut! They are an part of our security system!” Astrid pointed out.

“And you already got a pet.” Hiccup said and pointed at chicken.

“Erm…nah.” Tuffnut shrugged.

“An enemy could park a whole fleet right offshore and we wouldn’t even know they were there, because the Night terrors aren’t on their Watch perches.” Astrid said.

“But even Dagur did not know where Dragons edge is.” Snotlout said. “And I am sure he and his fleet would be welcome here, right Hiccup?”

“Yes. But we must take this more serious!”

Suddenly Sharpshot, the little green terrible Terror flew past of nowhere and slammed into Fishlegs.

“Hey, stop that!” Immerman called with a muffled voice.

Hiccup picked the Terror of Fishlegs face and found a note attached to his leg. He took it off and began to read.

“What is it, Hiccup?” Snotlout asked.

“Its from Berk. And its not good.” the Hooligan asked darkly.

They reached Berk in the next morning to find a barn, a watchtower and two Houses burned. Black smoke was curling slowly into the sky.

Stoik was flying towards them on Skullcrusher.

“Son, I am glad you are here.” he said.

“Who did this?”

“It was a Berserker ship.”

“WHAT? Dagur?!”

Stoik nodded grimly.

“It was a hit and run attack. A volley of fire arrows. They hit the barn and the catapult watchtower. And two huts.” he said. Then he turned to Astrid. “Astrid, one of them was your parents house. You should probably head over to…”

The shieldmaid didn’t let him finish. She rushed past the chief and landed on the Plaza, jumped off Stormflys back and ran in the direction where her hut was standing. Well-was.

The house was completely burned down. Only a few smoking wooden walls had remained.

“Astrid! Don’t worry, little one. Your parents are unhurt. They were outside with the Yaks, when it happened.” Gobber said, who came to her. His entire body was covered in soot and ashes.

“But if they had been home, Gobber-“

“But they weren´t. It will be alright, lass. We will all help to get this place rebuild.”

Later that morning, Stoik and Hiccup were given instructions for the repair out the the groups. When they started to work, the young Hooligan stared silently into the distance.

“What the hel has gotten into Dagur?! He promised me to held peace! Dad! Have you seen him on the ship?” Hiccup asked. “Or a green big Gronkle?”

“No. We were too busy to hinder the fire spreading out on other buildings. But I saw the Skrill crest on the Sail. That’s evidence enough! But it was a strange attack. Only one Ship. Fired a few burning arrows, then turned tail and fled. That’s really not typical for a Berserkers attack.”

Hiccup crossed his arms and thought. No, this wasn’t typical for Dagur now. Why in Thors name should he do that? Or was it some rogue Berserker who held a grudge against berk?

“I will search for Dagur! He must explain this!”

“He was heading due north. Try it in this direction.”

“Good.-Lets go, bud!”

He jumped on Toothless back and swooped into the air.

Later that evening Hiccup returned to the arena tired and exhausted.

“Any sign of Dagur?” Fishlegs asked, while he was taking care for Meatlug.

“Nothing. But he did have a full days head start from me. –How is the situation in the village?”

“The repairs are nearly done, we will do the rest tomorrow. Most of the damages are fixed. Well, there is only Astirds House, who needs the most fixing…”

Just at this moment Stormfly landed in the arena and the shieldmaiden jumped off her.

“Astrid, how is your family?” Hiccup asked her.

“They are okay. But their house…” she paused and hung her head. “The house I grew up in, is gone.”

When Snotlout offered her “a shoulder to cry on”, she grabbed the arm of the Jorgenson, spun him around and threw him across the arena. Hiccup shook his head as she went to him, bent down and said: ”Thanks, I needed that.”

“No problem.” Snotout groaned as she helped him up. These two will never change, the Hooligan thought.

“Listen up, guys. Dagur was last seen fleeing due north. But I think he is heading out of the archipelago. So we fly back to Dragons edge tomorrow and continued the search from our base. Now just go back to your homes and get a good night sleep.” Hiccup told his friends.

With her home gone, Astrid decided to sleep in the arena. And Hiccup and all other dragon riders joined her in a sleepover. But Astrid couldn’t find sleep in the night and started to take a walk through the silent nightly village. And on this walk she meets Stoik.

“Cant sleep?” he asked.

“No.”

You cant stop thinking about what you might have done to prevent the attack?”

Astrid nodded silently.

The chief of Berk placed a hand on her shoulder.

“There is nothing you could have done. You know that.”

“I know it in my mind, but my gut says something different.”

“Aye. Your still blame yourself. I know the feeling. “

“How do I make this feeling go away?” Astrid asked.

“You cant. So you own it. You remember it. And you will do everything you can to make sure you will never get this feeling again.”

Astrid sighted and walked on with Stoick into the peaceful night.

When Astrid later that night returned in the arena, all her friends where still sleeping, soft snores filled the arena. When she spotted Hiccup a smile appeared on her lips. Toothless laid on the side, Hiccup hanging face down like a ragdoll over his body in deep sleep. The shieldmaiden shook her head. How could someone sleep in this position?

The next morning, Astrid still hadn’t slept a Minute and was extremely depressed. Hiccup saw her troubled looking face and kneeled beside her.

“Sleepless Night?” he simply asked.

“Aye. I spend most of the time thinking.” she answered.

“Well, we will head back for the edge in an hour. Let me help you with your gear.”

Astrid looked at Hiccup with a serious look on her face. “Hiccup, I made a decision. I am not going back to Dragons Edge. I am staying here, on Berk.”

Hiccup was taken aback.

“What? You are staying here? When did you decide this?”

Astrid got up onto her feet.

“Last night, when I was talking to your father. We made the night patrol together.”

She gestured to Stoick, who just entered the arena. Hiccup turned and looked at him.

“Dad?”

“Don’t forget she is a shieldmaiden, son. She, like me, live by a oath.” Stoick said.

“I am not leaving Berk defenceless again! I can´t.” Astrid said firmly.

“Astrid, one Dragon more wouldn’t have make any difference.”

“You are right. And because of that I am gonna stay and train new riders.”

“What?”

“I am planning to build up a backup team just for situations like this.”

“That-uh-is actually a very good idea.” Hiccup said.

Snotlout interrupted the talk, saying he would be the right man for this training, but Astrid refused and told that she alone would do the training.

“This is something I need to do, Hiccup.”

“Good. –Okay, change of plan. Fishlegs, Snotlout, Twins, you follow Dagurs trail north of the archipelago. If you don’t find him, resupply at the edge and keep searching. I will join you as soon as possible.”

“And you, Hiccup?” Astrid asked.

“I just patrol over the area around Berk, just in case Dagur came back. You wont even know I am here.”

And so sometimes later half of the village was gathering in the arena, when the word has spread around that Astrid searched for new dragon riders.

Hiccup had not a good feeling about it. And he was right. After Astrids speech and showing no fear when Stormfly shot an apple off her head with one of her spikes, nearly all of them retreated, leaving only six behind. Gustav and Fanghook, Mulch, Bucket, Spitelout, Sven and Gothi.

The first training session was not on dragonback, it was on broomsback that in between the legs of the new recruits. Astrids training was stern and unyielding. If someone made a mistake or did the task not as she wanted, he was punished with pushups.

In the meantime, Fishlegs and the others found no trace of Dagur. So they decided to return to the Edge. They did not know that one of Dagurs ships were in the hide on a nearby island.

Dagur watched the riders through their spyglass while Savage was marking their positions on a map.

“And?” the Berserker asked.

“Using their direction and our other men´s sightings, their base should be in this general area.” Savage answered encircling a part of the map.

“Finally! Now I will find the new outpost easier with not straining Shattermasters wings too much.”

A happy growl erupted behind him, followed by a shriek. The big green Gronkle wagged his tail happily, Cloudstorm the little Skrill flapped from its head on Dagurs shoulder and purred.

“Yeah, bud and Cloudstorm, soon we will pay our little brother Hiccup a visit!” the Berserker smiled. “Savage, You stay with the ship here and wait for my return.”

“Aye, chief.”

Back on Berk, Astrids recruits were finally on their dragons. Sven had a green monstrous Nightmare, Gothi a purple Gronkle, Gustav was with Fanghook, Spiteout and orange and blue Nadder and Bucket and Mulche were sharing a green blue Zippleback.

Next was flight training.

Meanwhile at Dragons edge, Fishlegs tried to get his comrades to their feet again to continue their search for Dagur. But Snotlout preferred to sleep, and Tuffnut was playing again with one of the Night Terrors. Immerman groaned. It was really not easy to be a leader.

The lazy gang did not know that a lone Berserker on a Gronkle with a little Skrill on his shoulder was flying into the night in search for them. And Dagur did not know that he was spotted by someone, who wished to see him most of all dead…

The next day, Hiccup and Toothless where joining with Gobber in the arena.

“How is it going?”

“Well, at least we had no injuries.”

“That’s a good start.”

“Execpt her training methods are…Well, see yourself.”

They watched as Astrid was moving a target to the center of the arena.

“Okay, todays exercises are to drive at the target, do a barrel roll and then hit the target with a blast! Like this!”

Astrid mounted Stormfly and showed a perfect example of how the exercise should be.

“Spitelout! You are the first!” she called for the Jorgenson. He dived down at the target, performed the barrel roll, as Astrid commanded him, but missed the target.

“Fail!” she said.

Gothi, who was next dived and rolled as instructed, but instead of letting her dragon fire at the target she hit it with her feet and made a crash-landing.

“Fail!” Astrid said again. “To be a dragon rider, you have actually ride on the dragon.”

Gothi grumpy scribbling something in the dirt and returned to the other recruits.

“You know that I can read that.” Astrid retorted.

“You see what I mean?” Gobber said.

Next came Bucket and Mulch rolling screaming with their Zipper and blasted the target upside down.

“Fail!” Astrid said again.

“Oh come on! You got to count that!” said Hiccup.

Next was Sven, who performed a perfectly barrel roll but the fire blast missed the target. So he tossed his axe instead and this time he landed a hit.

“Cheating! Fail!” Astrid said.

“What is she doing? It looks like she is letting them fail on purpose! But why?” Hiccup asked.

The last one was Gustav. He made everything right, blasted the target even dead centre! And what did Astrid?

“Fail!-Lucky shot!” she said. “Do it again!”

Gustav did a new round, barrelrolled and fired at the target. And Astrid shoved the target aside and Gustav missed.

“Hey! No fair!” Larson yelled.

“Element of surprise, key to every battle.-No get off your dragon and give me twenty. Everyone else needs to start over. From the Beginning.”

All the others groaned as Astrid pulled out the brooms again.

“Is she kidding?” Spitelout growled. Gothi scribbled angrily something in the dirt. It looked like a curse.

“I see what you mean, Gobber. Its like she wants them to fail.” Hiccup said, who watched the whole time.

“Perhaps that’s exactly what she wants.” Gobber sighed.

“At this rate, she will never be finished.”

When the training was over Hiccup and Toothless entered the arena and found Astrid leaning against the target, while Spitelout was still doing push-ups.

“What did he do?” the Hooligan asked.

“He is Snotlouts dad.”

“Enough of this! Uncle Spitelout, you are finished for today. You can go.”

The Jorgenson nodded, got up and left the arena.

“Can we talk?”

“If its important…”

“It is. You are being overly tough on these guys. I saw what you did to Gustav.”

“The element of surprise? How is that being overly tough?”

“Its not that! You want them to fail. On that way you have an excuse to stay here on Berk. We both know whats going on here.”

“No, you do not, Hiccup.”

“Astrid, I get it. You want to stay on Berk and protect your family. But you cant be every second of every day for the rest of their lives. Just think about it. Toothless and I are returning to Dragons edge. I want to see if they have spotted Dagur. I will be back in a few days. Then we can talk about it again.”

Astrid nodded and watched as Hiccup mounted Toothless and took off. A part of her knew that he was right but the other part just want to protect her family. She sighed, called for Stormfly started to walk to her old home, where Gobber has arranged some tents till the Hoffersons hut was rebuild again.

When Hiccup returned to the Edge, everything was peaceful and quiet. He found his friends more or less chilling in the clubhouse.

“And? Some trace of Dagur?”

All the others shook their heads.

“Who knows how far this Berserker is away?” Snotlout yawned.

In the meantime, Dagur overlooked the bay with the huts that lay before him. He smiled.

“Wooh! Did you see this, bud? They had really build a nice colorful outpost. My little brother has found a fine island for him and his riders. -Well lets see if everybody is home! Lets go, bud! Hold on, Cloudstorm!”

Suddenly Meatlug got nervous and headed for the landing platform.

“Hey, what s up sweet?” Fishlegs asked and went after her. Then he saw it. A small flying Figure who got quickly nearer.

“By Thor! I can´t belive it! Hiccup, its Dagur on Shattermaster! He is coming this way!”

“So Dagur found the edge.” Hiccup murmured and went with the others outside.

“Its really Dagur! And he is alone!” Snotlout said. “Wow, he really is riding this big Gronkle!”

It was really a strange appearance to see the Berserker chief now on the back of the dragon. Hiccup would have never imagined, that Dagur would be able to train a dragon.

“Oh look! He´s brought the little Skrill with him!” Fishlegs said and looked at Cloudstorm who clinged onto the Berserkers shoulder.

“Hello there! I mean no harm! I am only here to visit my brother Hiccup! I am asking for permission to land!” Dagur called, as he hovered in front of the platform.

“Permission granted!” Hiccup said.

With a thud, Shattermaster landed, happy that he could rest his wings now.

“Finally I found your outpost! It took some time, till I found- “ Dagurs voice faded, when he noticed the stern look on Hiccups face. He slid off Shattermasters back.

“Listen, Brother…” the Berserker began, but was interrupted by the Hooligan heir.

“Dagur! Did you attack Berk with one of your ships three days ago?”

“Uh-yes, brother. But I don’t want to hurt someone or destroy greater things! It was only for a distraction, to lure your team back to Berk. I wanted to see where your new base was located! I-I tried more than one time to call out for you, when I saw you in the distance, but your Nightfury was too fast or you and your gang were too far away from a voices reach! Or for my bud Shattermaster.” the Berserker stammered. “I only wanted to hit one barn and the Watchtower, but accidently two houses got hits too. I am so sorry! I hope no one was injured.”

“Well-you burned Astrids House to the ground! And belive me, she is not very pleased about it!”

“Uh-oh… couldn’t get it even worse?” Dagur gulped.

“Why in Thors Name did you not simply fly to Berk and ask my father where the base is?!” Hiccup growled.

When the Hooligans voice got more threatening, Shattermaster started to growl at Hiccup, and Cloudstorm let out an angry hiss.

“Shattermaster, no. I am okay, I deserve that my little brother is angry at me. Cloudstorm, sshhh…”

Dagur hushed the little Skrill with a soft voice. The two dragons relaxed again.

“Did you see how they are reacting, when someone tries to threaten Dagur, even its only by voice?” Snotlout said baffled.

“Yeah, Dagur must treat them really good. They like him.” Fishlegs nodded.

“Hiccup, do you think I want to land alone in Berk and step before your father after all what I had done? You know the dark looks he always gave me.” Dagur said.

The Hooligan sighed. Yes, the Berserker would sure not be very welcomed on Berk.

“Listen, Brother. I will compensate for the damages. Your little girlfriend can make a wish what she needed for herself or her family.”

“She is not-my girlfriend! - Okay. You can talk with her, when she returned from Berk.”

Suddenly, Snotlout spotted something.

“Hiccup! Two Ships are approaching the base!” he called and pointed where two dragon boats were sailing into the bay.

“Berserks?” Hiccup asked.

“No! Outcast!-Uh-oh, its Alwin. And I think I know what he wants.” Fishlegs whimpers and put the spy glass down.

“I am not going back into his mudhole of prison!” Dagur snarled. “I will take Shattermaster and flee.”

“No, Dagur. To run away is no solution! I will talk to Alwin to stop hunting after you! You stay here in the dome. It’s the safest place here.” Hiccup answered.

“Well, have your try, Brother. But I doubt he will agree with your decisions.”

“Fishlegs, lead him to the dome. The others will come with me. Lets see if Alvin really wants Dagur.”

The outcast chief awaited the riders on the pier. Alvin seems not much have changed in appearance, he looked as Hiccup remembered him three years ago.

“Ah-Hiccup. Long time no see. You have grown into a fine young lad.” the outcast chief smiled.

“What do you want Alwin?” Hiccup asked.

“We have spotted Dagur flying on a dragon in your direction. Have you taught him to ride a dragon?”

“No. He did it himself, after he heard how you did it with the whispering death.”

“So he learned it too.-Never mind. We saw him landing here and talking with you. Hand him out to me, he has not fulfilled his complete imprisonment!”

Hiccup furrowed his brows. The Outcast still wants him to rot into prison.

“I think he has. I saw his scars. And heard what you have done to him. I didn´t thought that you tortured him!”

“He did not deserve it better! He is deranged! He caused a lot of trouble! And he is dangerous! And you are giving him Sanctuary?”

“Yes, I do! He deserved a second chance and I give it to him!”

“Are you insane? You are helping an escaped criminal!”

“Maybe I am insane! But I said, three years under your treatment are enough! I will look now over him! And you and your men will leave this island-now!” Hiccup growled.

Alwins face darkend. He couldn’t belive what he heard! This boy must really got insane. Was he threated by Dagur?

“I know what you think. I was not threated by Dagur nor my friends! It was my decision alone!” Hiccup said.

“No! Its ours too!” Tuffnut said. He and his twin sister joined Hiccups side.

“Mine too! Dagur will stay! And he is free to go.” Snotlout walked by. Even Fishlegs joined his comrades and nodded.

Dagur, who watched all through the special barrel spyglass outside the dome was touched.

“Oh Shattermaster! Do I really deserve this? They stand against Alvin and his Outcasts for me! After all what I have done!”

As an answer the Gronkle gave Dagur a lick with his tounge and purred.

“Aye! I will not disappoint them!”

“Hrrr…okay. As you wish. I tried it the good way-but you refused. Now face the consequences!” Alwin snarled. “Prepare to attack! We are getting Dagur back by force!”

But before the Outcasts could leave the ship, the dragons were at the side of the riders, snarling and firing at the Ship! Even Shattermaster joined them.

“Get the ship from the dock!” Hiccup shouted.

Shattermaster and Meatlug bumped their heads at the bow and pushed the ship back into the bay.

Dagur stood baffled on the cliff and watched what happened in the little harbor below.

“They really wanted me to stay….they are protecting me….” he murmured, tears started to well in his eyes.

“Leave the edge, Alvin! You will not getting Dagur back!” Hiccup shouted. “Toothless give them a warning shot!”

A plasma blast hit the water directly in front of the flag ship.

“They want to fight for this fool, they will get a fight!-Ready the catapults!” the Outcast chief roared.

“All back into the dome!” Hiccup commanded and all riders mounted their dragons.

“Dagur! Come here!” Hiccup called as he and his friends took shelter in the dome. When all riders and dragons where in, Tuffnut closed the doors. Just in right time, cause the first boulders came flying.

“Don’t worry, Dagur, this dome will held up the boulders.” Fishlegs told him.

“But for how long?” the Berserker asked.

“Till we had a plan.” Tuffnut answered. One of the Night terrors had fled into the dome too and sat by the twins feet, eying Cloudstorm curios.

“Hiccup! Let me go with Alwin or he will destroy the entire base!” Dagur said as he listened to the barrage that was going on outside. “Then he will come and overrun us! It isn´t woth to risk your lives for me!”

The riders shared surprised looks. Dagur really had changed. He never gave a fuck for them before, but now he wanted them to be safe.

“No! I don’t let you be a prisoner again! And Shattermaster wont let you go too! He will never allow it. You are his rider and he is protecting you! And so is Cloudstorm!” Hiccup said sternly.

Suddenly the entire dome shook from an very close impact.

“Brother…”

“Don’t worry, Dagur. We will find a way.”

“But the Outcasts have us pinned down! It seems Alvin has called for reinforcements!” Snotlout said.

“Damn! I should have been more careful! But I didn’t thought Alvin would hunt me even here!” the Berserker cursed.

“Reinforcements! That’s it!”

In the Meantime, the Night Terror has climbed on Hiccups shoulder to take a better look at the little Skrill. Hiccup started to write a short message on a small parchment and attached it to the Night Terrors leg.

“We send a Terror mail to Berk for reinforcements. In the meantime we hold the edge! Its our home and we are defending it!” the Hooligan said.

“I and Shattermaster are with you! You are defending me and I will defend with you your base!”

“Thanks Dagur. And don’t worry. Help will be on the way. You will be surprised.” Hiccup smiled and let the Terror fly through the bottom tunnel. The dome shook again as more catapults fired on it. The Hooligan heir know they wouldn t last long without reinforcements and he hoped that Astrid would arrive in time and bring the needed help with her.

Meanwhile, at Berk Astrid was beginning with her next lesson. She has painted a target in the middle of the arena.

“Not all combat is in the air. Today we are practicing precision landings.” she said, but before she could start with the first recruit, she was interrupted by Stoik who arrived on Skullcrusher and landed on the Target. “Um…like our chief just showed.” Astird added.

“Astrid, we got a Terror mail from Hiccup! Dragons edge is under siege by Alvin and the outcasts!”

“What? But he have made peace! Whats gotten into them?”

“Well, we will find out! There are at least five ships heavy armed Hiccup wrote!”

“Then lets go!” Astrid said and mounted Stormfly.

“I go with you!” Gustav said.

“Let me help too!” Spitelout said.

Gothi waved her staff, indicating that she wanted to come too.

“Don’t think of it! You are not ready for combat!” said Astrid firmly. ”You all will stay here. That’s an order!” Then she looked at Stoik. “Lets go.”

She and the chief took off.

It was late in the afternoon and Alvin was still attacking the edge. The dragon riders were putting up a good fight, but they were loosing ground.

A couple of Outcasts began to climb over the scattered boulders but screamed when they saw Hookfang igniting.

Meatlug and Shattermaster were flying with their Riders over the ships firing lava blasts.

“Dagur, don’t get too near the ships! Not that you or Shattermaster got hit!” Fishlegs warned.

Just as he said several arrows flew past them.

“Retreat! Come on sweet, lets get out of here!” Immermann shirieked as they tried to avoid the arrows.

“They are too many! Return to the base!” Hiccup ordered, as Toothless fired his last plasma shot. It hardly missed Alvins Ship.

“Hiccup! Look out!” Dagur roared as the Outcast chief shot with a crossbow at the Nightfury.

He steered Shattermaster before Toothless and the Gronkle knocked the arrow away with his hard mace tail.

“That was close! Good work, bud!-Alvin, don’t you dare to fire again at Hiccup!”

“I will stop my attacks at once if you land here before me on my ship and surrender to me!” said the Outcast chief.

“Dagur, no! You will not surrender to Alvin to save us!-We-”

“Dragons! Approaching form the south!” a watch on the last ship called.

Toothless turned and growled in the direction where two figures were approaching the bay.

“Yeah! That’s my father and Astrid!” Hiccup whooped.

There! Five ships! What is Alvin doing outside the Archipelago with nearly his entire fleet?”

“I think I have a supposition…” Stoick murmured and headed for Alvins Ship.

Suddenly Astrid heard the flapping and roaring of more dragons. She turned around-and couldn’t believe her eyes!

Her entire recruits came flying on their dragons from the other side of the island and started to attack the outcast ships.

“Wow! That’s what I called a real reinforcement!” Tuffnut grinned.

“The cavalry has come to the rescue!” Ruffnut cheered.

Astrid and Stoick were impressed, when Gustav and the others helped to destroy the catapults and other weapons. And so was Hiccup.

“Chief, they have doubled their forces! They will shot us into pieces!” one of the Outcasts yelled in Alvins direction.

“That’s cheating!” another outcast shouted, as Gustav and Snotlout fired with their Dragons at one of the ships.

“I see it!” Alvin growled. He should have bring their few dragons too.

“Did I see right? You have new trained dragon riders?” Dagur asked.

“Yeah, they are still in in training-but already doing their job good, eh?” Hiccup smiled. “We want a second team on Berk for emergencies. It was Astrids idea.”

“There is your father! Wow, big chief, big dragon!- But what if he agrees with Alvin to send me back to prison?”

“He wont! I will talk to him! Return to the base and stay out of fighting range! We will handle this now with Alvin, don’t worry!”

“You sure?”

“Aye! Now go!”

“As you wish brother. You are the commander here. Come on, bud. Let´s watch this from a secure place.” the berserker said and returned with Shattermaster to the Dome.

“What?! Even you, Gothi?” Alvin growled as the healer hovered on her Gronkle over his ship. The elder nodded grimly and let her Dragon spat some Lava on the deck.

“Okay, that’s enough! Stoick!!” the outcast chief bellowed. The next Moment Skullcrusher landed on the Flagship.

“Alvin! Stop attacking my sons home! Now!” the Hooligan chief shouted angry.

“I will-but only if he give Dagur to me!” the Outcast chief retorted.

“Dagur is here too?”

“Aye! We followed him and his dragon to this island!” Alvin nodded as Stoick dismounted from Skullcrushers back.

“Father!”

Hiccup landed on the deck too and jumped off Toothless back.

“Son, whats all this fighting here? And why did Alvin attack your base?” Stoik asked.

“Cause he want to take Dagur back with him to Outcast prison! And I refused!”

“I told the boy that this deranged Berserker is dangerous! But he did not listen!” Alvin said.

“Dagur is not deranged anymore! He saved my life more than one time in the last Months!” Hiccup said to the outcast, then he turned to Stoick.”Father, I told you that I want give him a second chance! So please give him this chance too! Same goes for you, Alvin! Remember, you were once in the same situation and we gave you a chance.”

The Outcast chief grumbled. Has this boy really got fond of this Berserker?

“Alvin, Hiccup told me how he saved my boy from drowning and other dangers when they first met after her escaped from your prison! It seems the two really wanted to be some sort of “brothers”. I will give Dagur a chance-and Hiccup and his friends too. So you are outvoted.” Stoick said.

“Okay, I will let Dagur go.” Alvin grumbled, then he shouted: ”Stop the attacks!”

“Everyone stop fighting!” Stoick bellowed.

“Dragon Riders! Gather all on the edge!” Hiccup ordered.

“Look! They had stopped the fights!” Dagur told Shattermaster and Cloudstorm who was sitting again on the Berserkers shoulder. During the fight, he has hidden the small Skrill in the dome with the other Night Terrors. “And-I cant belive it! The Outcasts are leaving!”

One by one the Dragon riders gather in the Arena. The new team send the Berserker, who has joined them suspicious looks, but Fishlegs and the others calmed them and said that Dagur was not an enemy anymore.

“Where is he!?” Astrid roared when she arrived and jumped off Stormflys back.

“Uh-oh!” Dagur gulped. “Here the furious Valkyrie goes again for the kill…”

Cloudstorm hissed, little sparks engulfed the small Skrill, Shattermaster growled.

“Uhg! Easy, little bud. No need to electrocute someone. Its okay, buds, its okay…” Dagur soothed his dragons.

Astrid stopped in her steps when she spotted the angry Skrill at Dagurs shoulder.

“Fishlegs, would you please take Cloudstorm for awhile and look after Shattermaster? I had something to discuss with her.” the Berserker said and handed the Skrill to Immerman. Then he turned, ready to face Astrids wrath.

“You destroyed my home!” she shouted in his face.

“Look, Astrid, im sorry-I diddnt wanted to burn your hut or another. I only wanted to simulate an attack so that I could find out where your nice outpost is, after you and Hiccup returned to Berk. To pay my brother a visit. And I heard that no one was hurt, thank the gods.”

“And why did you simply not asked Stoik?” Astrid asked.

“Uhh…remember the look Hiccups father gave me the last time? And I will never forget the hateful looks he gave me when I captured and brought him to Outcast island.”

“Well-that’s a point.” Tuffnut agrees.

“But I will compensate for your losses. Say what you need and I will try to get it for you.” said Dagur.

“This is probably the least you can do.”

After this was settled, Astrid held a speech before the new Dragon Rider Recruits. First she scolded them for not following orders, but she also honored the good work at defending the edge and helping the other team. And Gustav, who had the best experience of the B-Team, became the leader of the new “A-Team”. And Astrid stayed on the Dragons edge, because Berk had now a own Team for protection.

One week later.

And? Could you make peace with Astrid?” Hiccup asked.

“Well, she demanded not a small amount of gold for the rebuilding of her house. She did not forgive easy. Like my sister. Heh and you and Astrid nearly got into a fight when you said her, that the first demand of her was even more.” Dagur answered.

“It was too much. She has now more for herself and her family to build a new big home.”

“You really like her-but you don’t let herself dancing on your nose, eh?” the Berserker grinned.

Hiccup snorted.

“Its already late. Will you stay here for the night?” he asked.

“With you in your hut?”

“Umm..not directly. I had another place in mind, where we have more privacy.” Hiccup said and scratched his back. “I build another small hut in the woods on the other side of the island for me and Toothless-and for meetings even my friends shall not know.”

“Ooh…a little secret arbor?”

“Well-some sort of.”

Later…in the forest.

Hiccup carefully bends the twigs aside and stepped through the hole.

“Here no one of my friends will find us. Only I and Toothless know of this.”

“Wow, nice.”

“It’s like a secluded watchtower I build for myself and Toothless. Well-and for us two to be undisturbed.”

“You really risked a lot today, Hiccup. And this only for me! I –I don’t know what to say! You could have simply given me to Alwin –and send me to die in his prison! But you fought for me.”

“Isnt this what a brother should do for his other one?” Hiccup smiled. Dagur was close to tears. The hooligan could see in his face how touched the berserker was. Then Dagur pulled him in a crushing hug.

“Uhhrgk! Careful, my ribs!” Hiccup gasped.

“Uh, sorry. I often forget my strength. But I will try to get more careful, promise.”

Then it was time for sleep. The two were tired, it was a exiting day. Dagur and Shattermaster slept outside under the Hut, cause for all four at once the building was too small. Hiccup and Dagur laid side by side under a big blanket.

“What is, little one? You cold?”

Hiccup nodded.

“A fireplace would reveal my secret hideout. This here is only for the warmer period.”

“Come here. The next time I will bring something warmer for our next sleepover.” the berserker smiled and pulled the smaller male closer.

Toothless lifted his head and crooned. He sensed that his young rider had gotten more and more attracted to the older man.

Then he laid his chin back on his paws and closed his eyes. Shattermaster was already snoring.

When Hiccup returned the next time to his secluded little hut in the tree, two soft furs were lying on his lair. It was Dagurs thank for doing so much for him.

to be continued…

the next chapter will be Night of the hunters part 1 and 2.

#httyd rtte #httyd fanfiction #dagur the deranged

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burritodetodo · 7 years

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A Regular Show Epic Final Battle part 3 review

Parts 1&2 review http://burritodetodo.tumblr.com/post/156043910394/a-regular-show-epic-final-battle-parts-12-review

What the fuck happened!? Is this a joke by CN or what? Why is The Power airing? I'm so mad... WAIT! Rigby is remembering the fight before hitting his body to the wall? YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF US! The episode continues with Rigby remembering all the events before the end and Mordecai incredulous, thinking it was just another joke of his friend. In the flashback, we could see the box set was finally buried in the park and not sent into space. So Rigby took Mordecai to unearth that, but his friend still didn't believe him... until he touched the box set. They both knew they were in trouble, even more because the other park guys were erased. It was a time glitch caused by their interference on the Big Bang Brofist that reseted time and space. Luckily, The Power wasn't erased so they used it to "take us to the end/take us to the end/wo-ohhhh".

Due to that glitch, the battle between Mega and Malum Kranus continued. Mordecai and Rigby arrived, Pops was pissed off because all his friends were erased from existance. Anti Pops shot M&R to Lolliland and then he destroyed it, leaving our buddies in the debris. The evilest guy also sent Titan Pops to a worm hole that led him to... THE NAIVE MAN FROM LOLLILAND SHORT UNIVERSE! Pops went back to his normal form and escaped from that place while confused because his sibling was trying to erase that universe too. He went to rescue Mordecai and Rigby from Lolliland's debris, dodging and destroying Regular Show's logo letters while they are falling down on his way! The blue jay and the racoon were in a worse situation because of a blizzard of post-its with all their moves, a sign that the universe was being teared apart: "The fabric of time is unraveling".

Pops remembers The Seer words about he could make the difference: "I should have been listening to my heart this all time", said Pops to Mordo and Rigs. With a positive energy burst, Pops goes towards his sibling and hugs him strongly. The only way Pops could end this battle and the destroy of the universe was sacrificing himself with his brother: "I'm not going to let go". Mordecai and Rigby couldn't believe Pops was going to do it: "I promise this is a happy ending. Take care of each other. Goodbye". Anti Pops, during that good feels felt happiness and relief for five seconds. Both died feeling goodness. The battle ended and the universe became regular again.

FLASH NEWS! Del Hanlon announces the Spark came back from space after a THREE YEAR TRIP. While listening to her partner, Margaret rushes to the Park to meet her friends. The Space Rangers were recieved like true heroes while David Bowie's Heroes was playing as background music. Mordecai's parents went hug and kiss his beloved only son; Sherman, Barbara and Don did the same with Rigby, only that Sherman was wearing jeans and finally being proud of his son!; this was one of the most gorgeous moments ever in Regular Show's history: Starla goes with Muscle Man with a little girl: THEIR DAUGHTER. MITCH'S FACE WHEN HE MET HIS KID!; Techmo recieved Skips; Margaret went to strongly hug her best friend Eileen; Celia and fives did the same, but their love hug was even more pure; finally Applesauce/Leroy came to Benson. You thought it was enough? RIGBY AND EILEEN FINALLY KISS ON THE LIPS! But on the other side, Mr Maellard was extremely sad because his son sacrificed himself to save everybody. After that, there was a memorial service in the Park, where a Pops statue was revealed and Benson left flowers. The Park crew splited up. Mordecai and Rigby packed their stuff in their cars and, alongside Eileen, they gave themselves the last hug and went to do their new lives.

The Future

Mordecai: He goes back to art school and graduates. He gets a studio in which he paints abstract art (Bad Portrait callback) where we can see CJ and Margaret paintings, but also one with him and Rigby. He becomes famous and has exhibitions, and in one of them he falls in love with a bat girl. They have three kids. Before that scene, we (at least I) notice that Mordo was kinda depressed.

Rigby: He lives with Eileen and get married. They have a regular life with two daughters. Rigby keeps playing videogames but with her eldest daughter. There’s a Park’s house picture framed in the living room. He keeps the moustache he liked on Ugly Moons and looks like Future Rigby from the movie. Benson: Stays working at the Park, like some sort of owner and manager because Maellard is dead. PAM GOES BACK WITH HIM and, despite not having kids, they adopt cats and Applesauce's descendence. Also, the crew he is with resembles the “best crew I’ve ever worked with”.

Skips: Also still works at the Park, but he has a car repair shop too (Exit 9B callback)

Muscle Man: He and Starla kept on making kids and now they're six. Eight persons living on a, I think, bigger trailer. He couldn't face the Sorensterin's hair issues and goes bald like his bro and his dad.

Fives: he moved with Celia to Prague and both became DJs

A 25 year reunion takes part on the Park. Muscle Man and Starla have a grandchildren, Fives and Celia raise a boy of their own, Rigby and Eileen daughters play with Muscle ones, while Mordecai and his wife ones are with their cellphones. Maellard got a statue too, next to Pops. There's a group photo and then Mordecai and Rigby go find old videogames in the shed "for old cart's sake", thinking all their puns they did 25 years ago were dumb for their 57 year old selves. Pops watches all this scene from another plane of existance, ejects the VHS from a Hanatronic TV with VCR saying "jolly good show".

The end.

Highlights

On one hand, the freedom the crew worked with in this episode erased the fourth wall from existance. They smahed it, broke it down and demolished it this season. In this last episode they went Anti Pops and erased it. They tricked us with The Power sequence, made Pops go to The Naive Man From Lolliland short (redrawn by the animators and voices remastered for sure), the falling Regular Show logo, the blizzard of post-its, or the end with Pops watching the show on VHS like us, the spectators! Speaking of the short, including it in the finale was to me the way JG showed us that he was closing a circle he started more then 10 years ago and led him to do one of the best animated series of this decade.

Mordecai and Rigby being the key to save the universe were crucial for Pops to realize he had to sacrifice himself to save the universe. Both Sam Marin and Robert Englund sounded so natural, pure and peaceful on their last dialogue. The levels of emotion Pops' sacrifice scene handle makes, for instance, Steven Univese's or Gravity Falls' (at Weridmageddon to compare) dramatic moments tiny (don’t offend buddies). This scene also had a Dragon Ball Z influence with the messianic sacrifice of Goku on Cell's Saga to save the Earth and all his loved ones to be destroyed by Cell-bomb.

This finale puts the straw very high for Adventure Time, which series finnale airs next year, despite being already done.

The arrival scene, with David fucking Bowie's Heroes hit me so hard I can't listen to that song the same way for the rest of my life. It was the most accurate tune for that moment. Did you notice that aging was cannon? At least Mordecai and Rigby were 29 when the Dome took off and 32 when they came back. Continuing, it was good watching Rigby making amends with his dad at last. Muscle Daddy moment almost made me wept of joy. The crew expressed that part so real that you can't get very emotional on it (in fact, while writing this lines I remember those seconds and I have a knot on my throat). The pureness of Fives and Celia hug almost hit a double death emotional combo, but the Rigleen kiss was a triple death emotional combo. The Park crew should have made a spot for our emotions before Pops' memorial service.

And about the future: I'm one of the guys that is okay with Mordecai's fate. Despite being a Mordaret shipper, the bat fan girl move was clever and they showed us Mordecai moved on with his life, besides returning Art School and become a recognized abstract painter. Mordecai and Rigby quitting their jobs showed one of the morals of this story: moving on from an dead end job may improve your life.

I was glad that Benson finally ended with Pam, they had one of the cutest Season 7 episodes and they didn't deserve that end due to distance. Benson deserved to be happy at least once and it finally happened! To sum up, the future life of Park guys was satisfying and it was a happy ending, as Pops said before his death. I have to regret one thing and that's Margaret, CJ and Thomas destinies in the future. They must have had a second or two to see what happened with them.

The bittersweet end of Regular Show confirmed what I've been saying these years: this is one of the best cartoons of this decade and I'm glad to be part of its fandom. My congratulations to ALL THE CREW for making one of this year's events. Seriously, thank you.

#burrito reviews #regular show #season 8 #a regular show epic final battle #pops #anti pops #mordecai #rigby #benson #muscle man #fives #skips #eileen #rigleen #pam #pamson

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