#shit that is going to keep me the FUCK UP TONIGHT

[elijahstwink]

i also have the fantasy of fucking elijah in red door mode yooo 😳 ... but if you ever feel inspired and want to write smut abt it , Im interested in reading it ofc,, and there is also just so few red door elijah shit out there 💔

𝓛𝓮𝓽 𝓖𝓸

(I’d let him punch me holy this gif is hot)

Your boyfriend is going through a rough time. You help him feel better ;)

Thank you for the request anon! I always feel like writing dark!Elijah smut so this was so fun! It’s also the freakiest thing I’ve written lol. I hope you enjoy - Dex

Warnings: Blood play, Spitting, Choking, Slapping, Oral F!receiving, Dom!Elijah, Sub!reader, Elijah’s pretty mean, overstimulation, blood drinking, degradation, use of slut, whore etc

Seperate warning for this one. This has CNC! (Aka Reader consents for Elijah not to stop when she asks him too)

Your white dress billows behind you as you sprint down the hallway and towards the red door. Your bare feet burn at each step on ragged tile. You glance back to see Elijah turn the corner. His stone cold face and bare chest are covered in blood, all emotion void from his expression. Desperation fuels your speed, your legs burning and your lungs screaming as adrenaline courses through you. Elijah follows at a steady pace, his deliberate steps echoing, his breathing animalistic. He could catch you in an instant, but he prefers the thrill of the chase. He wants to savor your fear, your pain.

His footsteps are unnervingly close as you near the door. Just a little farther…

You slam into the red wood, pain shooting through your arm as you grasp the brass doorknob. It’s locked. You pound on the door, scream, and glance back in terror as Elijah approaches.

“Elijah, please!” you plead, but he keeps coming. This isn’t your Elijah, the kind and noble man you loved. This is a monster.

You turn back to the door, pounding and screaming for help, but it’s too late. Elijah’s hand clamps onto your upper arm, yanking you toward him. You struggle, but his grip is unbreakable. His eyes darken, veins pulsing as he opens his mouth, revealing sharp fangs glinting in the darkness.

Elijah jolts upright in bed, his body drenched in sweat and trembling. Nightmares of hurting you plague him every night since the incident with his mother. The red door haunts his mind, and he can no longer ignore it.

Breathing deeply, Elijah clutches his hair and turns to watch you sleep. Usually, this sight calms him, reminding him that he isn’t the blood-covered man in his dreams. That red door Elijah is just a fragment of himself, a dark fraction everyone has.

But tonight is different. The dreams are more vivid, leaving him feeling feral and dangerous. Every small sound or touch threatens to make him lose control. He needs blood.

Elijah carefully slips out of bed, pulling on grey sweatpants. He moves silently through the dark compound, descending the staircase to the large kitchen. He rounds the island, opens the blood fridge, and light floods the dark space. He grabs three blood bags and rips into one.

As the blood overtakes his senses, veins web below his eyes. He grips the marble countertop harder, ripping open the second bag, anger rising. The taste of blood makes red door Elijah creep to the surface.

“Lijah?” you call from the doorway, wrapped in a silk nightgown. Elijah’s head snaps up, his red eyes meeting yours as the marble edge crumbles in his hand. You rush to him, but before you can reach him, he grabs you by the neck, pinning you against the wall.

Despite his aggressive state, you’re not scared. You’ve been worried for him since he returned, his personality flipping randomly between normal and red door Elijah. The worst was on Bourbon Street, when he tried to rip out a man's heart for bumping into you. Red door Elijah is possessive, never letting you out of his sight, fearing that if you walk away, he’ll start chasing you like in his dreams.

Elijah's grip on your neck is firm but not painful, and you see the conflict in his eyes.

“Hey, it’s okay, my love,” you say softly, cupping his cheeks and tracing the veins with your fingertips until they fade.

Elijah’s eyes return to their regular onyx shade, guilt washing over him as he releases your neck and drops the empty blood bag.

“Shh, you’re alright, I’m alright,” you comfort him, wrapping your arms around him as he breathes heavily into the crook of your neck.

“I- I don’t know what to do, I crave you,” Elijah growls into your skin, his fangs gently scratching along your pulse point. Your eyes shut at the contact, but an idea pops into your head. A crazy, probably stupid idea... but an idea nonetheless.

“Perhaps you need to release all the pent up anger.” You suggest carefully. Elijah pulls away from your neck and stares at you in confusion.

“What do you mean?” He places his hands on the wall either side of your head, keeping you trapped against him. You can tell by the look in his eye that he definitely knows what you mean.

“I mean,” You rest your hand flat on Elijah’s bare chest, sliding it down to cup him over his sweatpants. “Let go, take it all out on me.” You gaze up at him innocently, something you know drives him nuts. Elijah swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing with the movement.

“No y/n. I wouldn’t be myself, I could hurt you.” Elijah shakes his head, already feeling his alternate personality taking control as his cock thickens under your touch.

“That’s the thing, you won’t hurt me. And as soon as you prove that to yourself, you can start to move past this.” You explain, slipping your hand under his waistband and taking hold of his erection, his length warm in you grasp.

You completely believe what you’re telling him. You know that he would never hurt you if not for pleasure, but that doesn’t stop you feeling like this may be a mistake. After all, Elijah is pretty dominant in bed already. If normal Elijah can edge you for hours or make you cum so much you’re begging for him to stop. Who knows what red door Elijah will do.

“Do you kn-“ Elijah interrupts himself with a deep groan as you push his pants to his feet and bring your unoccupied hand down to play with his balls, rolling them between your fingers. You can’t tear your gaze from his swollen cock and the bead of arousal gathering at the tip as wetness builds between your legs. You could mentally pat yourself on the back right now for not dropping to your knees and licking it up.

He suddenly grips your wrist, rough enough to leave a mark, making you gasp in surprise and release your hold on him. When you look up, you see that his eyes have returned to that crimson shade with veins underneath them. He grabs your neck with his free hand and leans down till your faces are inches apart.

“Do you know what you are asking for?” He breaths against your lips, tightening his hold when you nod. “Words.” He commands sternly.

“Yes, Elijah.” You squeak. He smirks at you, the veins flowing under his eyes.

“And you are aware that if you say stop, I won’t.” Elijah growls. You can tell he’s holding back, needing your consent before doing anything more.

“I know. I want you…” You murmur, bravely grabbing at his crotch again before whispering in his ear, “to ruin me.”

You can visibly see when red door Elijah fully takes over, any apprehension within him vanishes as he suddenly rips your night gown off your body and steps out of his pants, leaving you both naked.

“I didn’t mean here!” You whisper, looking around anxiously. The kitchen is one of the main rooms of the compound. If anyone were to wake up it’s highly likely they’d come to this room.

You squeak as Elijah lifts you onto the centre island and pushes you to lay flat on it. The cold marble countertop against your back sends chills down your spine as Elijah stands between your legs. His eyes are clouded,

“What if someone walks in?” You ask as Elijah bends your knees so that your feet are on the counter and your core is exposed. Elijah doesn’t respond, instead grabbing the last blood bag and holding it over you with a smirk.

You don’t have time to even question what the hell he’s planning before he rips the plastic in half with his hands, drenching you in blood. God this man is lucky you love him because no other human would still be turned on while covered in blood. Elijah leans down so you are face to face, his chest is getting covered in blood now as well.

“If anyone walks in here,” Elijah dips a finger between your breasts, “I’ll snap their neck.” He growls, sucking on his now bloody finger, moaning at the taste.

Red door Elijah doesn’t seem to be the slow and steady type. His movements are rough and almost crazed as he grips your thighs and pulls your legs over his shoulders. Now eye level with your blood covered cunt, Elijah doesn’t hesitate to practically devour you. The filthy sound of his mouth slurping up the mix of blood and arousal between your folds echoes throughout the kitchen. You release a choked moan as he sucks harshly on your sensitive bundle of nerves.

Normal Elijah usually starts soft and gradually builds your pleasure to its peak. So this unfamiliar pace fills you with an uncomfortable sensitivity, causing you to grip his hair in both your hands and try to push his head away. Elijah releases a disapproving grunt at your actions. He moves his grip from your thighs to your wrists and pins them straight down at your sides. Your hands clench helplessly at the sleek countertop in an attempt to find something to grip as you squirm with oversensitivity.

When your wrists are tugged on slightly, you lift your head for the first time to watch the man between your legs. Elijah’s face is coloured crimson and veins are moving beneath his skin. A whimper passes your lips when his tongue thrusts inside you and his red eyes meet yours. His gaze is intense and demanding, practically shouting ‘behave’. You throw your head back against the marble with a loud moan as Elijah starts fucking you with his tongue. The feeling of the pointed muscle curling against your sweet spot has you arching your back. Sharp stabs of overstimulation are turning into waves of pleasure, causing you to clench your thighs around his head.

“E-Elijah I’m so close.” You wail, all your pleasure knotting together, building up in your lower stomach. Elijah hums in approval, his tongue working faster. and his nose nudging against your clit. Your moans increase in pitch as you’re brought closer to the edge, your hips jerking and your legs starting to shake. It doesn’t take more then a few thrusts of Elijah’s tongue against the spongy spot inside you before you’re coming, wailing in pleasure and practically grinding on your boyfriends face as you get lost in the euphoric feeling. Your legs are almost vibrating with the intensity of their shaking and your walls are pulsating around Elijah’s tongue as you come down from your orgasm.

Elijah pulls away quite suddenly, releasing his bruising grip on your wrists and dropping your legs from his shoulders. “Stand up.” He orders, taking a step backwards. You would have given him a ‘are your serious right now?’ type of look, if you weren’t too out of it. Instead you stay lying across the counter, trembling as you come down from your high. After a moment of silence you manage to speak out, “Elijah, Can’t.”.

“I said,” he grabs you under your arms and hauls you upwards so you are standing on shaking legs, all your weight being supported by him, “stand up.” He seethes, releasing his grip.

Your knees instantly buckle underneath you and you fall into Elijah’s chest. You would have hit the ground if not for him wrapping an arm around your waist, holding you against his chest and smirking at your feeble state.

“My naughty girl,” Elijah tugs your hair so that your head swings back, your eyes meeting his, “can’t even follow a simple task, hm?” He taunts.

His face has returned to normal, and he seems to have wiped the blood from around his mouth at some point. Elijah’s eyes are clouded with more than lust and you can see the red door version of him staring back at you. He usually talks much more during sex, and you can’t deny that you miss the comforting praise.

That thought is literally smacked away as Elijah’s palm meets your cheek in a light slap. You probably look like an idiot for a split second as you process what he just did.. and how much you liked it. You release a drawn out moan as he repeats the action before grabbing your jaw, holding your head up to his and smirking.

“Do you like that?” Elijah chuckles as you flush in embarrassment.

“If you wish to act like a slut, then I will treat you as such. Open.” He growls, pulling at your jaw as you open your mouth. Red Door Elijah is seemingly full of surprises, as he lines up his mouth with yours and spits. The feeling of someone else’s spit in your mouth would likely make you throw up. But this was Elijah, your boyfriend and the love of your life so of course it feels good. A rush of arousal wets your spent cunt as you gurgle slightly.

Elijah clamps your mouth shut, grinning like a maniac as he instructs you “Swallow,” The slide of his spit down your throat makes you moan, absolutely loving the filthiness of his actions, “Good girl.” He praises you for the first time, giving your jaw a light squeeze before releasing it.

The praise is gone as quickly as it came when Elijah spins you around, bending you over the counter. You gasp at the coldness against your sensitive nipples. He holds your hip with one hand, the other guiding his erect cock through your shiny folds. The pleasure of Elijah nudging your clit with every upstroke distracts you from the feeling on blood slowly drying on your skin.

Your mouth drops in surprise, screaming out as Elijah suddenly enters you in one bruising thrust and with no warning. The stretch is painful, but you’re wet enough that he slides in easily. Your hand shoots behind you on reflex, pushing hard against his torso. Elijah only chuckles at your pathetic attempt of pushing him away, grabbing your wrist and holding it behind your back.

“Too much Elijah, please just wait!” You plead when you feel him starting to move inside you, blood smearing the whit marble underneath you.

“Shh, take it.” Elijah shushes, not waiting for you to adjust before slamming into you again, his tip pressing against your cervix and causing you to sob out a moan. With every battering thrust of his hips, the loud clap of skin meeting skin fills the room.

It doesn’t take more than a minute before the pain dulls into a numbing ache and the pleasure overwhelms you. You’re moaning like a whore, taking every inch of his thick cock inside you, your walls fluttering around him. The way his shaft glides across your g spot makes you jerk with pleasure.

“That’s it, such a sweet little slut falling apart on my cock.” He coos, releasing your hand and pulling you up till your back meets his chest. He wraps his arm around your neck so your chin rests on his bicep and keeps working his hips back and forth, fucking into you in long, brutal strokes. The base of his cock throbs every time he bottoms out, and his balls slap against your slit with wet, filthy noises. His animalistic grunts mix with your cries of pleasure.

“Still too much for you?” He teases, laughing when his only response is a gurgle of incoherent words that you didn’t even notice came from your mouth. “Yeah?” He murmurs, pounding into you at an inhuman speed.

Elijah rests his other hand on your blood stained lower stomach, sending a jolt of warmth through you.

“Who do you belong to?” Elijah whispers, his breath tickling your ear. “Who owns this cunt, y/n?” He runs the tips of his fingers over your clit.

“Y-you Elijah!” You sob, tears forming in your eyes from the intense pleasure this man is giving you.

“That’s my girl.” Elijah praises before bringing his hand down hard on your clit. Surprisingly it wasn’t painful at all. You heard the smack before you felt it and suddenly you were gushing around his cock, the mix of his cock rubbing at your walls and the sharp pleasure to your clit plummeting you into an unexpected orgasm. Your eyes go blurry from tears as you squirt all over the counter and floor. Euphoria runs through you in a single wave as your walls uncontrollably pulsate around Elijah.

“Look at you, cumming on my cock like a good little girl. Making such a mess.” Elijah’s groans, pulling out of you suddenly. You whine at the loss, feeling your slick cunt clench at the air. Elijah turns you to face him before bending down and hooking his arms under your legs. You squeal as he lifts you up, essentially folding you in half as your knees touch your shoulders. Elijah’s hands cup your arse, and you wrap your own around his neck. He shows no strain as he holds you in mid air, turning you both so he can lean slightly against the counter.

You throw your head back and clench your eyes shut as Elijah pushes inside you again, the sensitivity of having just cum causing you to claw harshly at his back.

“Elijah, stop!” You call out, the overstimulation feeling like too much. He doesn’t listen, not that you were expecting him too.

You’re absolutely helpless as he starts moving you up and down his length, using you like some type of fuck doll. You fidget and squirm relentlessly in an attempt to make him stop.

“Look at me!” Elijah barks. You use the little strength you have to lift your head, meeting his intense and feral gaze. “You are going to shut up, take my cock and you’re going to fucking enjoy it. Do you understand?” He sneers, slowing down so you can catch your breath and come up with a coherent sentence. You’ve never heard Elijah speak so vulgar before and it strangely turns you on.

You know that if you put up enough of a fight, your Elijah would come back and stop immediately. He’d probably beat himself up with guilt while he holds you and apologises way too many times. But you don’t want Elijah to feel bad, you asked him to do this in the first place.

“I understand, wanna take it.” You rush out before crashing your lips onto his, you can feel his grin as you try to shove your tongue into his mouth. He parts his lips for you and you whimper when he sucks heavily on your tongue.

Elijah thrusts his hips up erratically, his thrusts reaching vampire speed as his climax steadily approaches. You break the kiss to bury your face in his neck when you feel your own rising in your gut.

Elijah lifts one hand to grip your hair and pull your head back to present your neck. Searing pain rushes through you as his fangs pierce your skin, mixing with the pleasure of his thrusts. Your vision goes black as your third orgasm of the night crushes you. The feeling of Elijah’s cum filling your tight cunt only prolongs your pleasure. You feel Elijah retreat from your neck as his moans fill the air, mixing with what you realise is your own screams.

Elijah slips out of you when his cock stops spurting, feeling the aggressive, lust filled haze of red door Elijah dissolving with every passing moment. He sits you on the counter momentarily to unhook his arms from underneath your legs. Then he lifts your trembling form back into his embrace, one hand holding your bum for support and the other cradling your head into his neck. Your grip around him loosens as you continue riding the waves of pleasure, shaking like a leaf in his hold.

Elijah chuckles endearingly as you moan into his neck. “Still coming baby?” He grins, kissing the top of your head. You manage a small whimper of agreement as you feel him start to walk somewhere.

Thank god for vampire speed, because Elijah has you in a warm shower within the minute. You rest against him, half asleep, as he washes the dried blood off your skin. After you are both clean and dry, you settle under the covers of your bed, cuddled up to the love of your life.

“Please tell me you don’t regret it.” Elijah mumbles into your hair. You release a tired laugh, your face pressed against his chest.

“No my love, I don’t regret it at all. Did it help?” You yawn, cuddling further into his comforting embrace.

“Definitely.” Elijah sighed, his mind feeling a lot calmer and his body tired. You tilt your head up, capturing his lips in a sweet kiss.

“Love you lijah.” You smile into the kiss as you speak. Elijah copies your grin as he responds, “Love you so much baby.”. He gives you one last peck before leaning back into the pillow and closing his eyes, waiting till he hears your cute snores before drifting into a dreamless sleep.

The couple are passed out cold by morning, still recovering from their late night. Klaus however, is very much awake as he stumbles into the living room, where Freya and Kol are engaged in an intense game of chess.

“Do not go into the kitchen!” Klaus gags, collapsing onto the couch in a dramatic heap. “And remind me to kill both Elijah and Y/N.”.

T A G L I S T (msg or comment to be on it)

@b1tchy

#dexreq #elijah mikealson x reader #the originals #elijah mikaelson #elijah mikaelson smut #tvdu #daniel gillies #the vampire diaries #fiction #klaus mikaelson #fanfic #elijahposting #elijah mikealson imagine #kol mikaelson #idk how to tag this #smut #ao3 #ao3 writer #how to tag #y/n #tvd fanfiction #tvd fandom

[inkmonster21]

Sing for Me

4. This is Hollywood

Cooper Howard x Fem!Reader / The Ghoul x Fem!Reader

She's a singer the nation adores. He's the actor everyone respects. What happens when these two get entangled in a heated affair? Passion, regret, rage, and even murder will commence. From before the bombs drop to the vast wasteland, these two souls live for one another.

Previous Chapter

Series Masterlist

Tagged: @fallout-girl219 @harmfulb1tch

It was the last day on set, and they were filming all the last-minute scenes, and touching up some stunts. That’s all that was on the schedule today. Which means I had nothing to do but sit and watch Cooper Howard be sexy.

The set bell rings and the buzz of people moving around begins again. I stand from my chair and slide next to Cooper as he reads over the very last rewrite. “Hi.” I smile at him.

Cooper nods and turns away, ignoring me completely. I felt a pain in my heart, “Cooper.” I move in front of him again, and he steps away. “What are you doing?” I ask in concern.

He lowers the script from his face, a glare in his eyes. “Trying to work, if you don’t mind.” I blink at him, he’s never once been so rude towards me. “I’m sorry?” “Go on. Be useful somewhere else.” I back away slowly from him, going back to my chair and sitting down. Embarrassment eating away at my core. Did I do something wrong?

Cooper continued to ignore me the rest of the day. He ditched lunch on set, wouldn’t speak to me at the crew meeting, and practically ran away when I tried to catch him when everyone was dismissed.

I catch him right when he is exiting his trailer. “Cooper. Hey, I’m sorry if I did anything to make you upset. I wish you would talk to me.” Cooper stares at me with dead eyes. “You want to talk?” I nod, “I would love to.” “Alright, let’s talk. This thing we have is over. We wrapped filming and I’m not too interested in keeping you leashed up anymore. So you’re free to do whatever the fuck it is you do.” He pushes past me.

I scoff, shock consumes me. “What? What the fuck?” “Wasn’t that hard to comprehend, honey.” His nicknames now have been laced with venom. “You said-“ “I said a lot of shit to get into your pants. Grow up, dollface. This is Hollywood. How else did you think you’d get to the top? Did you think I’d put my neck out for you for free? Get you cast in every film just out of the kindness of my heart? All you were was a good time.”

I stride up to him, slapping him across the face, “Fuck you, you mother fucker.” I spit in his face, tears flowing, a mixture of rage and despair seeping through. The crew now standing still as well watching the outburst. I back away from him quickly, running to my trailer and locking myself inside.

I knew it. I knew this was just a game. A time waster for him. How could I let myself fall so easily? I fall to the floor balling. I cradle myself as I choke on my sobs.

~

How long has it been since that happened? Weeks? Months? Who fucking knows at this point. It’s been long enough that the press tour is getting ready to begin and they’re requesting for my appearance.

“You have to go, you’re one of the leads,” Louis argues from the foot of my bed as I eat another scoop of ice cream. “No, I don’t.” I lick the spoon clean before grabbing the bottle of wine from my bedside table. Louis watches in disbelief as I turn the bottle up and down half. “Oh my god. You need some serious help.” I glare at him, my hair falling out of his bun as I shake my head at him. “You know what? If you’re going to be rude you can leave.”

“Oh, I’m going to be rude.” Louis flips the blanket off of me, revealing my two-day-old pajamas. He shakes his head, “this is a crime.”

He rips me from the bed and ushers me into the bathroom. “We’re going out tonight. I’m sick of seeing you cry over a 50-year-old man. You’re in your fucking prime and you’re in here drowning yourself in wine like a depressed benzo wife. Scrub your ass, brush your teeth, and put some makeup up because tonight we are getting you out of this mess. I’m calling Heather and her boyfriend.”

I groan as he pushes me into the large bathroom. “I don’t want to!” “Well, you’re going to. You can still get drunk but you’re doing it in style and with some friends.”

I cry once more in the shower, holding my cheeks in sorrow. He really has done a number on me. I lived for him every day for months, and now without him, I feel no real reason to try the basic social appearances. Louis has been doing my shopping, no doubt the store clerk thinks he's an alcoholic.

I stare at myself in the mirror and sigh. The dark circles around my eyes, my chapped lips that I would bite as I paced around thinking about him, my cheeks pale and dry; I was truly a mess.

With the makeup, the dark circles were covered, and a tight dress hugged me nicely. The ice cream and wine diet was effective. Louis shoves a handbag in my arms and pulls me out the door.

"There she is!" Heather cheers as she pulls me into her arms. "I haven't seen you in FOREVER! Big movie star now, too good to hang out with us?" I smile at her words. It was nice to be around my old friends for a change. "No, I'm ready to throw it all away. I am so tired, and the press tour hasn't even started yet."

Her boyfriend reaches out, "Well, it surely is a pleasure to meet you. I was beginning to doubt Heather, but here you are." "Nice to meet you." Louis returns from the bar with a tray of drinks. "Where is Johnny?"

I furrow my brow, "Johnny who?" Just that moment, a body takes the seat next to me. "Nice to see you again, (Y/n)." I laugh loudly as I tackle him in a hug. "Oh my god! How long has it been?" He smiles, "A long time. So long I heard you don't partake in the devil's lettuce anymore, or the snow, or the magic mushrooms. What happened to my party girl?" I shrug, "I got famous." He tilts his head, "And you have it backward. You're supposed to be getting us the good shit with all your high connections." I laugh falling into him, downing a shot as I do. It was true that I was quite some trouble in school. I just knew how to have a great time. It wasn’t my fault that I was the life of the party. Johnny was the plug who was able to get anything we desired. The two of us were close for the longest time. Never made it official though. I guess I have a pattern of relationships under wraps.

Shot after shot, my vision struggled to stay focused. Johnny dances with me in the middle of the room. His hands pressed into my waist as we swayed. "I remember when we were in high school, I thought you were full of it." He spins me around, at arm's distance with a charming smile. He spins me in, dipping down to whisper in my ear, "Now look at you, the biggest fucking star in America." I turn to look at him, the alcohol fooling my thoughts. "And look at you, still as handsome as a movie star." False, but what else could I say? It was easy with Johnny. We had the history to back up the emotions. Something stable, someone who wouldn’t memorize all my inner thoughts and feelings. Someone who wouldn’t then use said feeling to their benefit.

He runs a finger down my cheek, just like he would. I close my eyes, the simple touch reminding me of his skin. "Want to come out and smoke with me?"

It started with a joint, then Heather and her boyfriend came outside with the small baggie filled with powder, and with the entire mixture inhabiting my body, I felt warm. I felt strangely happy. I laugh as we leave the club, all five of us loudly making our way across the street. Camera flashes catch my attention. "Ah, fuck. Here they come." Louis huffs. "Just keep moving. Let’s get (y/n) in the car.”

The paparazzi race across the street, blocking traffic as they call for me, snapping pictures left and right. "Smile for us!" "Are you celebrating?" "Who are your friends?" "Is that your man, (Y/n)?" Johnny cups my lower back and takes my arm assisting me into the car. He leans in the cab with a smile. "Take care, (Y/n)." He leans in kissing my cheek and backing away, the cameras capturing it all. The door closes and Louis is sat next to me with a smirk. "What?" He shakes his head, "He's hot as fuck." I feel the warmth spread to my face, my lips curling in a smile. "Yeah, he is."

~

The tabloids ran a story on her outing with some friends. "America's Sweetheart Has a Night on the Town." I felt my knee shake as I began the read the article. She was seen at some middle class bar with some friends. None I had ever heard of or seen. Especially the one with his hand around her. Seen drinking, and dancing the night away, a dazzling smile on her face. I look at one of the photos in more detail. Her smile is wide and her eyes are blown to the size of saucers. I shake my head, "Come on now, you're better than that, honey." I run my thumb over the curve of her cheek. She looked good, just as beautiful as the last time I saw her. When I broke her heart. When I shattered everything I desired. Our souls that once fed each other were now starving in separate rooms, locked away from each other.

"She's so pretty," Janey says as she peeks over his shoulder. I couldn't hide my smile. "You think so?" Janey nods with a large grin. "Can we play her record, Daddy? Please? I want to dance." I smile wasting no time placing the record in the player. Her sweet voice ripples through the house. Janey holds my hands as we sway to the angelic sound. If I close my eyes I can see her on stage performing for the world, but more importantly for herself. She was a true artist. She bled music. Singing every chance she got no matter where it was. That notepad went everywhere with her and whenever the muse hit the pages would rapidly flip and she would jot down whatever was leading her to compose.

That notebook…

The one I keep tucked neatly between two geographic books in my study. I would pull it out and read her thoughts whenever an ache pierced through my body. The burning want of her presence. I missed her.

The love song was one of the last she attempted to construct within the pages. A song about me.

~

It was a hot day, and I couldn't think of a better way to spend it than sitting next to the pool. "This is the nicest house I've ever been to." Heather squeals as she throws her bag down by the row of chairs. Louis wipes sunscreen on his face. He turns to me with a smile, "So, is the Hottie coming?" I smirk at him. I sip my drink as I lay in the sun. "The Hottie is already here, and is walking down the steps right now." Johnny comes down the stairs clad in swim trunks, and tanned abs lining his stomach. Louis grabs my arm for support, "He stayed here?" I tip my sunglasses looking at my friend. "A girl can have fun. It’s not like we’re strangers." Heather winks at me from the float in the water, "She sure can! I swear you haven't been this fun since senior year!"

The phone in the pool house rings and I groan, "No, no work calls today." Louis stands refusing my request and picking up the phone. "Hello?" Louis quickly begins to scribble things on the pad of paper. I toss my head back knowing it's going to take up my time. "Never a peaceful moment, huh?" Johnny takes a seat next to me in the chair a beer in one hand, and a lit joint in the other. I quickly snatch the rolled devil's cigarette and inhale. "You don't even know the half of it."

"Oh, yes she can make it." I look at Johnny with a flat expression, "See what I mean?" Louis sits back down in his chair, reading the notepad. "So, Thursday, you're filming an ad for Vault Tech, and then we're all going to be attending the wrap party!" The lot of them cheer. "A real wrap party?" Heather gasps.

Johnny smiles, running his finger over my shoulder. "I get to see you in action. I sure am a lucky, man." I smile but internally shutter at the words remembering Cooper's same words. I inhale again, waving him from my mind. "You sure are a lucky man," I smirk at him as I pass the joint over.

~

The screen lights up revealing our host. "Oh. Hello there. Yep, it’s me, Cooper Howard, star of stage and screen. But I’m not here today to talk to you about my latest picture. No, today I’m here to show you a vast and wonderful place, not made by God Almighty but by the working man. A veritable Camelot of the nuclear age. Now, how ’bout we turn on some lights." The large lights hum as they illuminate the vault. "There, that’s better. Now, I’m speaking to you from deep inside the fully livable Model 96JQ1164." Cooper travels down the vault's path. "And what a beaut she is." He knocks against the metal wall. "And what a song she sings. Now, that right there is Vault 4’s three-foot-thick lead casing. Strong enough to keep out the Rads and the Reds." He sends a wink and a smile.

“Now would you look at that?” Cooper walks over to a lineup of robots resembling America’s favorite little songbird. Her eyes open and she smiles gently at Cooper. “Good afternoon, Mr. Howard. How can I be of assistance?” Cooper turns back to the camera with a smile on his face. “These bots will be a helping hand in your very own vault. Each community will have access to 6 individual bots that can move throughout the vault at your request.”

The real-life (Y/n) steps into the frame with her award-winning smile. “That’s right! These bots are equipped with knowledge spreading from a culinary chef to a registered nurse. She’ll be a helping hand to any resident. Helpful, smart, and beautiful. Wouldn’t you say, Cooper?” He smiles at (Y/n). “Stunning.” He breathes out.

(Y/n) walks ahead of Cooper. "Follow me." They both enter the elevator. The scene changes to view the so-called neighborhood. "Now, this corridor here is Sycamore Street, where you’ll wave howdy to any one of your 200 neighbors on your way home for an enchanted evening with your loved ones." Cooper stops beside (y/n). He places a hand on her shoulder. "Look, there's the Hawthornes." Both Cooper and (Y/n) wave before entering the family’s living space. "Now, this isn’t just your average all-American family. No, Lloyd and Cassandra here are both scientists, specializing in the effects of radiation on human DNA." Cassandra nods, "That’s right. And we’ll be living and working right here in Vault 4, leading a community governed entirely by scientists." (Y/n) smiles at the woman, "Wait a second, did you say “living down here”?" She leans into Cooper's side, a worried look on her face, "There hasn’t been a nuclear incident, has there?" Cooper rests an arm around her in comfort.

Lloyd shakes his head, "Uh, no, not yet. But, our family and a group of 80 volunteers will be conducting a five-year trial of Vault 4. To demonstrate to the world that, no matter what comes our way, America will be ready." Cooper shakes his head, a proud smile on his face. "Five years. Well, I may play a hero in the movies, but… you all are heroes in real life." (Y/n) smiles brightly from his side. "And now you can be a hero, too. By purchasing a residence in a Vault-Tec vault today." Cooper nods, "Because if the worst should happen tomorrow, the world is gonna need Americans just like you to build a better day after."

"And cut." The bell rings and I peel myself away from Cooper in disgust. I can feel my anger bubbling. Even working together he refused to look my way, always looking directly behind me. I need a fucking bump.

I scoff as I exit the vault room and into the hall where Barb stands with her colleagues, wearing a shit-eating grin. "Hi, (Y/n)." She waves her fingers delicately at me. I push forward a smile as I pass her, "Hi, Barb, so nice to see you." I walk across the hall into the separate vault where Johnny stands taking a tour. "Impressed?" He looks at me with a grin. "This is so cool. Tell me I get a family and friends discount?" I poke his chest lightly, "You give me that little tube you got in your shirt pocket, and you can get whatever you want." He smirks, quickly passing the small glass tube. I use the small spoon to place it at my nose before sharply inhaling. I pucker my lips, "Ohh." I shake my head lightly, the waves crashing. The numb wash of confidence and carelessness overtakes me. I giggle as I look at Johnny. He laughs with me, taking the tube from my hands. His gaze drills into my eyes, "You're so fucking high." I cover my mouth, unable to stop my giggles. "You think the camera could tell?" "I don't think so. You just seemed, extra happy." I wrap my arms around his neck, "How could I not be? I feel like a high schooler again.” He spins me, only for me to catch the tall figure in the door.

"Everything okay in here?" Cooper asks, an unreadable expression on his face. Johnny's hand remains on my waist; he nods, "All good, buddy." Cooper looks over Johnny, examining his every inch. With a grin on his face, Cooper extends a hand, “Cooper Howard.” Johnny shakes his hand, the two men bulking up towards each other, the beginnings of a dominance challenge. “Right, the cowboy. Johnny Bud.” Cooper raised a brow and hummed. “Can’t say I’m familiar. All the same, nice to meet you.” Cooper turns to bare onto my orbs, finally looking at me, into me. I don’t think he was fond of what he found. He nods his head. Not even a word was spoken to me. He exits the room with one final glance, a chuckle leaving his lips.

Fucking asshole.

~

That’s what she chooses to associate herself with. Some small town drug dealer from her hometown? I could see it in her eyes. She’s flying as high as a kite in the clouds. I can smell her on my suit. I bring the sleeve to my nose, taking a short inhale. It’s intoxicating. My restraints barely held together at the sight of her. I was begging god for just a second of time alone with her. Then I saw him trailing behind her, hand on her back as he looked at everything in amazement. Amateur. Why was he even here? Wasn’t this a closed set? Shows how professional Vault Tech really is. They’d let just anyone walk in here. I bet they don’t even have someone on her security. She could get hurt. I wouldn’t let that happen. Damned all I’d jump off a bridge for her and die happy with the memory of her kiss.

Barb looks in my direction, her eyes digging for some type of evidence of betrayal. She straightens my tie, “having a good time?” I shrug, “Nothing against these colleagues of yours, but what do you say we go home?” I need to get away from her as soon as possible. I can feel the desire building, and I as a man can only withstand so much.

“There is a wrap party.” I furrow my brows, “What, a… a wrap party? For this?” Unimpressed I roll my eyes. I didn’t want to spend another minute with these assholes. I sigh, “We go for a couple of hours, we shake a few hands-,” “It’s at our house.” I stare at her, behind her (y/n) walks across the hall, arm in arm with drug dealer John. Fury ignited, but I pushed it down. Surly she wasn’t going to come to the house. Barb would be livid. I would be rid of my temptation soon. I press a fake smile, “The things I’m willing to do for you.”

#cooper howard #cooper howard x reader #fallout #fallout imagine #the ghoul #the ghoul x reader #cooper howard fallout #fallout ghoul #walton goggins #cooper howard fanfiction #the ghoul fanfic

[shay-doesnt-exist-here]

hii ive wrote fanfics before on other sites but i wanted to give it a try on tumblr. anwyays this might be a series of rekindling or possibly breaking even more readers and rafes relationship, and if it does become one it will be pretty boring😭🙏 bare with me yall... warnings: toxic relationship, p in v sex, drug use, swearing, degradation,

You and Rafe Cameron were practically a match made in hell. Rafe was a toxic drug user, while you on the other hand were also toxic, but you werent as bad as how Rafe got. It seemed as when Rafe got high, he was a disaster waiting to happen every minute.

You and Rafe were at his house where a party was happening, Rafe obviously was sitting on a couch, snorting lines while girls leaned all over him. You walked up to Rafe, clearly pissed by the pile of coked out whores leaning on him. "Rafe what the hell are you doing letting these girls touch you?!" Rafe looked up from his daze, his pupils were blown out and he had remnants of cocaine on his nostril. "The fuck you pissy for? Im over here 'chattin with my friends and 'gettin high and your mad that I got girls leaning on me? Look at what your wearing. These perverts here are practically imaging you sucking them off."

you groan out of frustration "Rafe I swear to god stop letting these coke whores touch and flirt with you!" Rafe ignores your words and just leans back into the couch, glaring at you. "Fuck you Rafe!" You screech at him before stomping off to some of yor friends. Throughout the night, Rafe keeps a steady eye on you despite being pissed with you, and than, he sees you with another guy. You were talking to JJ Maybank. "That son of a-" He got up and stalked his way towards you, JJ's hand was dangerously close to your ass but you didn't care.

Rafe grips your torso and yanks you towards his chest "The fuck you think your doing?" He grunts in your ear. You roll your eyes, "Im talking to JJ whats it look like im doing?" Rafe grips your forearm and drags you upstairs into his room. Even in his coked out state, he's strong. Rafe shoves you into the wall "You think you can go out with a damn dress that barely covers your ass AND flirt with JJ huh. you tryin' to make a fool of me?" You shove Rafe back and roll your eyes "Like you give a shit, you had girls swarming you and begging for you to fuck them, but if I go and talk to someone the opposite gender of me, im the whore. Grow up Rafe!" And with that, Rafe shoves you onto his bed and pins you under him, he devours your mouth, exploring it with his tounge.

You unintentionally moan into the kiss and he smirks at that, peeling your dress off of you, exposing you completely. "No bra? you fuckin' whore, you wanted me to fuck you tonight huh?" His hands grip and massage your tits "Fuck" You whimper, "y-yeah" You strain your voice. Rafe grins, he pulls his pants and boxer briefs off, exposing his hard pre-cum leaking cock. He swipes the head on his cock along my folds, collecting my wetness. "All wet f'me huh baby?" He groans as he slowly pushs in you. You moan as you claw at his shoulders, he was already pounding into you. Your moans and whimpers only fuel his desire, "Yeah you like that, me pounding in to your tight cunt? You fuckin' slut" You clench at his words and he just smirks. His hand comes up to rub ur clit, making you jolt. "Rafe.. 'm close.." With your words, Rafe pounds into faster and harder, making you cum. You moan his name loud enough probably for some people downnin the party to hear. Following your orgasm, Rafe pulls out and cums on your stomach, groaning and panting.

#rafe cameron #drew starkey #rafe cameron x female reader #rafe obx #rafe x reader #obx fic #rafe outer banks #dark rafe cameron #toxic love #degradation k1nk

[redhoodinternaldialectical]

🖤 + ship of your choice?

kissing while crying / goodbye kiss / desperation

I keep thinking "I'm so bad at writing angst and anything upsetting, I hate leaving my stories as anything but lighthearted :/" but then I consistently end up writing angst into everything, including fic chapters that are supposed to be comedic and fluffy so uhhhh lets see how I do when deliberately going for emotional devastation :D !

And since I've been thinking about it lately we'll go with a premise of:

A Jason who knows he's come back from death many times but has no guarantee he'll come back from death again volunteering for a suicide mission and Tim knowing this might be his last chance to confess

There's nothing graphic, but this is all hurt no comfort, angsty as fuck sad shit with an ending that leaves it ambiguous as to whether or not this death sticks. Hope y'all enjoy!

Jason states in a flat, calm tone, "It needs to be me."

They all turn to look at him, their bodies backlit by the glow of the reactor's slowly worsening meltdown.

"What the hell are you talking about," Dick asks, while Tim's blood turns to ice in his veins.

"I didn't survive that plane crash into the meteor. I didn't survive that fall into the ocean. I didn't survive the warehouse. I've been killed over and over and come back from it every time, so if one of us has to die tonight it needs to be me."

"A terrible argument," Damian declares resolutely, standing firm despite his trembling, "We have no reason to suspect that those instances were anything other than circumstance. Random chance and dumb luck runs out. What we need is certainty, and... and Father would bring me back again. We all know it. I can take it."

"I did not come back just to throw another kid to their death! Maybe when you're gnarled and grey and about three hundred years too old to live without a lazarus pit we can talk, but until then I am not about to let you die in my stead."

Damian backs down quietly. He looks relieved, and guilty.

"Then let me do it," Tim demands, trying and failing to sound light and fearless, "Everyone else has had a turn with death, seems a little unfair doesn't it? Hogging all the afterlife experiences for yourselves?"

Jason says with quiet vehemence, "If that's how fairness works, then I will be as brutally unfair to you as I can be."

A long silence stretches between them as they stare each other down. Tim fights to keep the lump in his throat from spilling out into tears and Jason struggles between the need to see himself grieved and the yearning to comfort him and make this all easier somehow.

Finally Dick breaks the silence, "What would you like us to do for your funeral this time?"

"I want to be cremated on the bank of the Ganges with proper rites. Mild preference for a Shaivite or Shakta sect, but I'm not really picky."

And that was it. His fate was sealed.

"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""

Tim grabs his hand before he can step into the airlock leading to the reactor's emergency maintenance tunnels.

Jason glares at him, "You aren't stoppin-"

"I know!" Tim lowers his voice to a whisper, "I know..."

"Then what...?"

"I'm sorry if this isn't anything you want, but I can't let you go without saying it. I- I love you. I'm in love with you."

He looks stunned, shocked, almost hurt. Then he kisses Tim fiercely, pressing every bit of affection he can into him with the slim moments they have left. Salt stings their dry lips and they cling to each other with vain desperation until their arms ache.

When he finally pulls back Jason roughly scrubs the tears from his eyes, "Fucking cruel of you to give a dying man something to live for."

"Promise me, please, if you can, if you get a choice, if you're at all able to, please promise me you'll come back?"

"No. I love you more than bread and wine, but my death is mine and I utterly refuse to allow your feelings or anyone else's to sway me in this. However..." Jason's voice grows soft, and he lifts Tim's hand to tenderly kiss at his palm and wrist, "If I am brought back? I swear that it will be you I come back to. I swear that I will give you my heart and everything else you ask of me; this will be the only thing I ever deny you."

Tim grips him tight, squeezing his eyes shut, tears and sweat rolling down his cheeks as the reactor burns itself ever hotter. Then he shoves Jason away, into the airlock chamber.

"I hope it's quick," He knows it won't be, "I hope it doesn't hurt," He knows it will, "I hope you get what's best for you," Just as long as it's not the end you want.

"Goodbye Tim. I love you."

"I love you too. So, so much..."

The blast door swings shut between them.

#jaytim #jason todd #tim drake #damian's tomfoolery #thank you for the ask :3 #I hope you enjoy the angst! #featuring my headcanon Hindu Jason #also I should probably actually content warning tag this for #suicide #like it's fictional and non-graphic but still #as with the other one I'll also upload this to AO3 #sorry this took so long lol

[villalunae]

sitting here twiddling my fucking thumbs like a serial killer about to lose her shit bc a post casually referred to a character in utena as dead and there is literally no reasoning for it nor against it and there is plenty more FOR IT than NOT and they just said that shit CASUALLY as if it was not the most BATSHIT THING TO DROP MIDPOST

#personal #utena #utena spoilers #my world fucking crumbling down im gonna lose my entire shit. what do you mean shes DEAD #it makes SENSE!!!!!! IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD IT CAN LITERALLY BE 100% TRUE AND CORRECT AND RIGHT #AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM GONNA LOSE MY SHIT ABOUT IT NOT BC ITS RIGHT BUT BC YOU CANT REALLY PROVE IT WRONG #I HATE THIS SHOW I HATE THIS SHOW SO MUCH. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME. AND ITS NOT EVEN A MAJOR CHARACTER #LIKE LITERALLY GOING TO GO INSANE. WDYM. WDYM. ITS NOT EVEN A USUAL ''EVERYONES DEAD'' THEORY FROM SOME OTHER #QUACKADOO FANDOM THIS IS REAL LIFE IM GONNA SCREAM #WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHES DEAD!!!!!!!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE DIED IN THE SHOW . WHAT DO YOU MEAN. HOLD ON. #LITERALLY GOING TO GO INSANE. LIKE THEY WOULDNT KILL HER. HE NEEDS HER. BUT ALSO. LIKE. THEY COULD. AND ITD BE FINE. #HE DOESNT NEED HER. BUT HE DOES. BUT HE DOESNT. BUT. #shit that is going to keep me the FUCK UP TONIGHT

[gregoftom]

TO ME, THAT’S CINEMA

#tomgreg #so i've seen this around a lot and ppl have already made points but like holy fuck. hoooly fuck lmao where do i begin #TOM THOUGHT THE ROOM WAS EMPTY FOR UH ... FOR WHAT BITCH?? #empty for what. you two just going in there ALONE. what for. strategizing? ok but then why was greg showing you tonight's selection. #even if it was girls it's still sus bc like who tf goes specifically to a room to show that shit. #oh by the way i listened again and tom says first ''why do we have to...'' so GREG asked for the room? #greg asked them to go to an empty room. slut. #anD THEN AFTER SAID ''I WANNA GIVE YOU'' BITCH!!!!!!!!1 #are we sure it's girls though...... like does it say later. i'll keep watching but Christ. LIKE. WHAT THE FUCK #how am i supposed to read this other than an affair lmfao and then he says ''go on'' and sends greg off away like a little pet #sick to bastard death of them god #so it's like. greg says can we go somewhere private and tom says why do we have to #greg says i wanna give you... and tom says what do you wanna give me annoyed like #girl we are at work and we are trying to stay alive can't you wait til we are at home for me to clap them cheeks #and then greg says a preview of tonight's selection... of what? could be alcohol could be sexy stuff could be mf. clothes idk #and then they look up like O FUCK the room is in use and it's fucking SH*V and immediately tom is like GO ON and greg #doesn't even stutter or say anything like usual he's just like SORRY and leaves immediately bc he KNOWS he gotta gtfo #sorry i'm just. poetic cinema indeed

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

why do spiders exist and how can i get rid of them. permanently. with no damage to the ecosystem just cut and delete

#currently posting from the tenuous safety of my bathtub as it was by the door #and now its probably in my clean change of clothes #can i shower in peace??? hm??? can i? Can I? #big ass fucking harvestman. vanished in a blink #i turned away for One Second #fuck fuck fuck it was On the light switch #why is my life? #its always fuckin somethin smh.... #if someone could just snipe me real quick thatd be great. dont wanna deal with this #i gotta start keeping my killing stick in the bathroom stg theres always a spider in here #absolutely unprompted #im gonna look down and its gonna by crawling up my towel #that is a valid fear its happened Before #and also yes i know harvestmen arent spiders. but they look like it so they count in my fear #NOW THERES A FUCKING SILVERFISH???? WHAT IS THIS? MINECRAFT????? #i am soooooo going to bed early tonight. hard reset. im done w today #gonna use my extra towel to whip the shit outta my surroundings #'take a shower' they said. 'youll feel better' they said #its always. fucking. Something.

[becca-e-barnes]

ok i know subby!men are just something else but i will literally be riding the subby!sugar baby!nat train until i die that drabble you wrote about her trying on different lingeries

mmmmmmm

sure i love men but im a whore for a woman

Look, I'm a simple woman, there's not much I love more than a whimpering sub. So imagine sub!Nat with a wand tied between her legs while she's kneeling on the floor, eating you out 😈

You've tied the vibe to the inside of her leg and there's no way for her to squirm away from it. Each little attempt only serves to rub her throbbing clit against the buzzing head of the toy, adding to the stimulation that's already threatening to overwhelm her.

She can't stop getting herself off. She tried to hide her orgasms at first, knowing that she hadn't asked for permission but she doesn't need your permission today. You just want to see her pretty thighs trembling and you can tell they’re close to being at that stage.

"Good girl, Tasha." You hum contentedly, running your fingers soothingly through her hair, keeping her mouth pressed to your own dripping sex. She whines at the praise, just as she always does.

"Such a sweet girl for me. You have the most perfect mouth, you know that?" Her tongue flicks relentlessly over your clit while two of her fingers curl inside you but what really gets you is the look in her eyes. There's a real desperation swirling in them. A desperation to make sure your orgasms match hers. A desperate need to please you. A desperate need to lose herself on the toy humming between her legs until she's mindlessly humping it without a single care about how pathetic she must look.

"You're such a pretty girl. I bet that toy feels nice. Is it too much for you yet, baby?" Your voice is so soft, it makes her melt just a little more, shaking her head no.

"I hoped it wouldn't be. I know you can take more for me. But sweetheart, you've made such a mess. You're dripping all over yourself. I bet you're going to make a slutty little mess on the floor next." Now that you've pointed it out, she tries her best to clench her thighs tighter around the toy but that doesn't provide any relief. Quite the opposite, actually.

"You're so slutty that your little cunt is just drooling for me, isn't it? Maybe it needs to be filled up? How does that sound? Should I get you something to stuff in your pretty pussy?" Her cheeks are beautifully flushed and she's getting to the stage that she doesn't know what she needs so it makes perfect sense to you that she should at least have the option.

You hear her whimper when you pull away, letting her fingers slip from you as you head to the closet to retrieve a dildo with a section cup on the base. You line it up with her body, right where you know she needs it and take your place back on the edge of the bed. Before you've even positioned yourself, she's slid down on the toy with a broken sob, letting her hips rise and fall, fucking herself totally senseless.

"Th-thank you." She whines, bouncing so beautifully, you can't help but let your own fingers drift between your legs as you watch her.

"You're very welcome, darling." You can't help but laugh quietly at the way she's losing control so quickly, almost ready to cum again. "Go on, let me see just how quickly you can fuck yourself silly for me. You're going to cum for me but then you're not going to stop, do you understand?" Your hand on her chin keeps her eyes on yours and of course, she's more than happy to do anything you tell her. Your Tasha is such a good girl, after all.

#asks answered <3 #anon #becca writes spice #Natasha romanoff smut #Natasha romanoff x reader smut #I wrote this in no time at all #I got way too into it #I can't wait for it to get a little bit darker so I can go for a run tonight #lots to overthink #because I'm an idiot #who talks herself out of doing shit she wants to do #and then regrets it #should've just sent the fucking x #but here we are and I will let it keep me up at night instead

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

The painting I've been working on for way too long has started to look like shit and all I want to do is punch it to death and then burn the remains

#wasted the last six hours on a trash painting just making it worse #just a big reminder that I paid way too much for an art degree that didn't teach me shit #why do I keep trying to do portraits when I am terrible at them #garbage artist #I've had to cover it with a pillowcase so I can't look at it #honesty thank god I never had the balls to finish my great big portrait piece because i would have fucked that up too #i am incapable of not fucking things up #that's why nobody wants to be around me #the self-loathing is deep tonight #if someone also wanted to punch me to death and burn the remains I'd be pretty open to it #fuck i was also supposed to take a new set tonight but I got so wrapped up in painting and now it's too late and I have to go to bed soon

[disengaged]

it’s my birthday tomorrow and i’m so unwell i just don’t give a fuck. lol

#i’ve been nauseous for a week straight and for some reason my balance has been so bad i’m just like. stumbling around my apartment #i’ve left the house twice since tuesday and once was to go to therapy. and once i got back i was so fucking out of it i just went to bed #i went to the cinema tonight and couldn’t eat the candy i bought and i fell asleep for half the movie anyways #i haven’t been able to go to the gym at all. haven’t even been able to go to the grocery store #i’m so sad and so scared 👍 and everyone just keeps telling me how young i am 👍 and to appreciate being young 👍 yeah i’m trying 👍 #it’d be easier if i could enjoy one fun weekend without being crippled for a week afterwards #i don’t even know man. despite therapy and time off work i don’t feel like i’m getting better. i feel like i’m actively getting worse #especially after the medication trial. i feel that shit fucked me up so bad i’m still recuperating #idek what to do but i’m so miserable and exhausted and i dont want to deal with any of this

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

hi! any chance of a sea glass gardens update this weekend? no pressure though ofc, take all the time in the world, i'll be patiently waiting and re-reading earlier chapters!

...just thinking about him, that's all. thank you so much for writing such an amazing fic! it makes me so happy to read it <3

The next chapter is actually fully written, I’m just in final edits of it right now. So it will probably go up tonight. I’m glad you like it!

#sea glass gardens #the writing process for me goes: *literal sobbing while beating my own work with a hammer* why does it suck why does it suck #—> revise my writing —> ‘oh it’s fine’ #I generally think that writing advice is utter bullshit unless the advice is “step one read a bunch step two write a bunch’ but one of my #only rules of thumb is less words is better except when it isn’t #I have delete a bunch of extraneous shit and ask myself why these fucking people keep furrowing their brows like pick another placeholder #action it’s getting so egregious #if it doesn’t go up tonight it’ll be up tomorrow afternoon when I get off work

[exopelagic]

okay I’m going insane I need to fix my sleep schedule now

#I cannot keep getting up at/after midday this is driving me crazy #SO. I’m gonna not do ice hockey for a little bit until I can get myself normal #I want to step away from ice hockey anyway bc the new committee are being annoying and I need them to stop making me do things #tonight I will go to bed at midnight. and I will stop everything to get ready for bed by 10 bc I need that time #and tomorrow I’m setting my alarm for 7:30 #I’m going to have mornings again if it kills me bc this is making me feel like shit now #will also mean hopefully I’m less stressed about work and can schedule stuff with my friends bc oh my god everything has been a nightmare #this week. and it’s only Tuesday what the fuck #also going to make a sleep tracker again bc that worked in February #and I’m setting library times for weekdays as 9:30-12 and 2-5 because getting there is the problem and I normally stay longer once I’m ther #and that worked for exams AND there’s just less work to do now so if I can keep on top of it everything should be fine #just have to actually do it #like right now I rlly need to go get writing bc I need to figure out some title options and that needs to be done by tomorrow afternoon #otherwise there won’t be time to get feedback from my supervisor before the deadline #so while today might be a bit of a lost cause bc I need to shower go to the shop and cook which takes most of the free working time #I can do something and if I can make tomorrow morning work I’ll have enough time #I’m okay with having periodic getting my shit together days as long as I do use them to get my shit together #now pls. get your shit together <3 #luke.txt

[anirudhpisharody]

.

#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much #it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with #i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown #friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any #close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it #would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely #i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with #other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too! #it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes #it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know #like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk #to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that #i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that #it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have #more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i #don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so #they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine #wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine #and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom #which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn #anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed #i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight #shut up hanna

[todayisafridaynight]

my fucking god he’s so crunchy but idc he’s so pretty what the fuck what the fuck what the fu

#spoilers #ishin spoilers #snap chats #I GET TO PUNCH HIM IN THE DICK NOW #PROBABLY #I HOPE SO #I HATE THAT I DIDNT UPDATE MY GRAPHICS BEFORE THE TOKUGAWA FIGHT BUT LISTEN #LISTEN IVE BEEN TRYING TO BEAT THAT CHAPTER FOR TWO HOURS SOLELY CAUSE MY COMPUTER WOULDNT STOP CRASHING #I'M TAKING MY CRUNCHY CRUMBS #ok but real talk. the fact i had everything on the lowest setting and it still looks really good #i know this is an up close shot but still #anyways UFUHHGHHGG HE'S SO PRETTY FUCK YOOUU #i just realized we never see masato smile do we. like we see aoki smile but... #it's a shit-eating grin ik but still. he's cute </3 #OK ONE MORE CHAPTER I HAVE TWO CHAPTERS LEFT I CAN BEAT THIS TONIGHT #THOTS AND SLAYERS EVERYONE KEEP ME IN YOUR HEARTS #wait before i go let me be delusional bout my crack ship again #rgg making katsu be masato so daigo and masato can have beef If You Squint again thank you rgg #if i squint really hard they are beefing again #just like the first time. where i had to squint really hard for it to be personal #ok now this post's over BYYYEEEEEEE #cant wait to kill him #or more accurately watch him get killed while kiryu's like >:O ?????

[starbuck]

about a quarter of the way through making the WORST PANTS IMAGINABLE and i’m feeling GREAT

#stopping for tonight bc Too Sleepy #but i’m excited about my progress considering that it had stalled for uhhhhh…. five months #where’s that post about making terrible art to prevent Killing… that was me this evening #anxiety is still Up There but at least i DID something #with my HANDS #from which i can see PHYSICAL RESULTS #i needed that #this week is gonna be fucking ROUGH and I will be RELIEVED when it is OVER #and honestly it’s a toss-up whether these are even gonna be WEARABLE after all this work #but i don’t CARE at this point #i made them and i LOVE them and i don’t care how shit they look #if i can wear them then i’m gonna wear them to a queer club with my ridiculous boots #and NO ONE can fucking stop me #and that vision is all that’s keeping me going right now and that is OKAY!!!!!! #I AM ALIVE AND OWN DELIGHTFULLY STUPID SECONDHAND CLOTHES AND THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS

[eyecide]

Rather unsurprisingly I have not actually been stress vomiting, at All since mr “guilt tripped me into letting him basically cheat on me with other people online, chronically unemployed, lived in literally filth BY CHOICE, checked himself into the psych ward bc I needed space from the constant fighting for a few weeks, treated me like an object constantly and barely even tolerated being around me if we didn’t fuck but somehow was so convinced he was The Good Boyfriend” and I broke up

#I could keep going but that’s all I’m comfortable posting online #I’m not going to pretend like I was an angel in that relationship or never did anything wrong but my god the more time goes on the more #upset with myself I get for putting up with all of that for so long and prioritizing myself so fucking little #I remember at the end of our relationship we were fighting and he said something to me essentially to the effect of #‘why are you prioritizing your feelings’ and I just laughed and was like because someone fucking has to #all the shit I put up with for him and his feelings #like fuck even the shit I put up with for money and keeping my career moving forward I don’t ever wanna hear ANYONE tell me I’m selfish for #putting myself first ever again #how long have I been a second or even third priority to myself for lmao #ANYWAY yeah I’m in a mood tonight may or may not keep ranting later