#shes so dumb man shes like evil and stupid and cringe and i love her | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mingiswow · 3 years

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SKZ | They comfort you after a nightmare

Genre: Angst, fluff, slice of life

Warnings: mentions of cheating, death, and kidnapping, some curse words probably, some of the boys are older in their reactions. If I forgot anything let me know

⚠ English is not my first language, so sorry if there's any mistake, corrections are always welcomed.

➥ chan

It was rare the occasions where you went to the dorm, it was usually Chan who went to your house. Right then you were currently laid on the sofa of his studio, sleeping while he finished some songs. You started sweating, your body moving around uncomfortably, your breathing becoming erratic. “Y/N? Y/N! Babe… wake up. Babe, wake up!” your boyfriend started to shake you lightly, waking you up from the nightmare.

You looked around, grounding yourself and realizing where you were. Immediately you hugged the man in front of you. “Had a nightmare?”.

“You had left me because I was a waste of your time and you told me I was not good enough for you” you answered, not taking your head from his neck, a few tears leaving your eyes. “Hey! Don’t you dare think I’ll ever say those things to you! To think I’d think like that, okay? You are the most precious person in my life. Hell! I’d die to ever think about hurting you” his calloused thumb ever so gently caressing your cheek, wiping your tears.

You nodded. Kissing his lips. “C’mon. Let’s go home, aight? I’ll tuck us like a burrito and cuddle you all night and tell you how much I love you”.

“You’re cringe, Bang Chan”

“But you love me like that”.

➥ lee know

You couldn’t believe your eyes. It was him. It was your boyfriend kissing another girl right in front of you. You didn’t have a reaction, all you could do was cry. You fell to your knees, tears falling heavily from your eyes. Suddenly a hole opened on your feet and you fell into it like Alice fell into the rabbit hole.

Your body jolted from the bed, a silent scream leaving your mouth. “Y/N? Are you okay?” the raspy morning voice from your boyfriend sounded beside you, his hand caressing your back. “Did you have a nightmare?”

“You were cheating on me” you turned to look at him, his shirtless frame still lazily laid on the bed, a lazy smile on his lips. “You’re so cute when you’re pouty, you know?” he pulled you back on the bed, caging you on his arms, the warmth of his body soothing your own. “I love you, Y/N. Cheating you is the last thing I'd do to you. Now go back to sleep, and have wet dreams with me”.

“Lino-yah!” he giggled at your blushed form, kissing your lips before, bringing you back to his chest, and playing with your hair until you fell asleep.

➥ changbin

The warmth of his hand felt so comfortable against your cold ones. The snow was falling from the sky while you and your boyfriend decided to take a walk since everyone was in the comfort of their home, no one would see you.

But just as you turned a corner there they were, the paparazzi, the fansites, seasangs. Everyone was taking pictures of you two. Flashes got mixed with screams and you could barely see anything in front of you. You started calling your boyfriend’s name but with no answer.

And then you were naked. Naked in the cold winter air while everyone took pictures and laughed at you. “Changbin! Changbin! Changbin! CHANGBIN!”

“Babe… wake up. Y/N, love. I’m here. I’m here” the scene suddenly started to fade in your mind and you got back to your bedroom. The dim light coming from the bedside lamp barely illuminating your boyfriend, his broad silhouette being distinguished before he engulfed you in a hug. "’s okay. I’m here now, I’m not going anywhere”.

“They caught us, they were taking pictures” you whispered on his chest, feeling the way his body hugged you. “I don’t want to lose you” you felt his fingers start to caress your hair, giving you warmth and reassurance.

“Sh… You won’t lose me, okay? I’m here with you, no one will get us. And if they get I don’t fucking care. You’re my girlfriend and I love you. ‘Kay?” you nodded, laying your head on the pillow again, Changbin spooning you. “I love you too, Bin”

➥ Hyunjin

You fell asleep while watching your boyfriend practice the dance routine over and over again, the sound of his shoes rubbing and stepping on the floor flooding your ears and intoxicating your brains. The sound kept getting louder and louder as you opened your eyes and a giant version of your boyfriend was destroying the town with his dance moves.

You started to scream his name, trying to get his attention with no success. You decided the best way was to approach him like Ann Darrow did with King Kong. But when you tried to get to him, his left foot raised in the air and stepped on you, squashing you like in the cartoons.

“AAAAAAAHHHHHH” you lifted your head fast from the ground, hitting Hyunjin’s head.

“Ouch!” he rubbed his head laughing a little bit. “Please don’t try to kill me, I’m just trying to help you here” he looked at you, a playful smile on his lips. “You just took a nap and had a nightmare?” you nodded.

“You had transformed into this giant dancer that was destroying the town and squished me dead” he laughed at your pout. “Ok, Let’s go home miss damsel in distress. It’s getting late anyway” he helped you to get up from the floor, giving him a hug and a peck on his nose.

“For a giant, you are pretty cute and soft” he laughed at your comment, shaking his head and grabbing his stuff.

➥ Jisung

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT! YOU ARE SO STUPID, Y/N!”

“I didn't do anything” you started crying, still not knowing why he was screaming at you. “Please tell me what I did. I…”

“Stop playing dumb! You know what you did!” Jisung kept screaming at you while your tears kept falling from your eyes, a pool starting to form on your feet. In mere seconds you were drowning in your own tears, the air becoming scarce as you forgot how to breathe.

You woke up scared, shaking, crying, barely breathing. You looked at the empty spot in your shared bed, the fear starting to build in your chest again. Slowly you got out of bed, searching for your boyfriend and finding him in the kitchen, sneakily eating ice cream. “Oh… Hi babes” the guilty smile on his lips made you breathe more normally, you weren’t stuck in your nightmare anymore. “You okay?” he asked, handing you another spoon so you could join him.

“Had a nightmare. You were screaming with me and calling me names” you put the spoon in your mouth, pouting as you spoke and ate. “When I woke up you weren’t there. Got scared” he grabbed your cheeks and kissed your lips and forehead, wrapping you in a hug after.

“Sorry I wasn’t there, I woke up craving some ice cream” he laughed at himself. “But I’m here now, and I’ll never call you anything but sweet and cheesy words of love, ok?” you nodded, scenting his cologne on his neck. “Want more ice cream or cuddles to sleep?”

“Cuddles” you answered, smiling at him once you left his neck. “Your wish is my command ma’am” he hugged you from behind, guiding you two back to the bedroom between giggles and laughs.

➥ felix

“Y/N! Wake up. Are you listening?” your eyes widened open when you heard your husband’s voice. “It’s okay. I got you” he hugged you tight, caressing your back. “It’s just a nightmare, it’s normal”

“I was so scared it was real” you cried on his chest. The pregnancy screwing with your hormones. “They had taken the baby from us. They had stolen from us” the tears kept staining his pajama shirt. “Sh… Y/N, the baby is here, no one will take them from us” he left your embrace and held your face.

Wiping away your tears, he kissed you gently, his hands caressing the little bump starting to grow in your belly. “It was just a nightmare. They are right here, inside your beautiful body, full of love from their mommy and daddy, ok?” you nodded, looking at his hand. “I love you” he kissed your lips “this is our little family”.

You nodded, the sad tears turning into happy ones with the amount of love and joy your husband gave to you. “I love you too, Lixie”.

➥ seungmin

You ran like your life depended on it. Because it did. You screamed for Seungmin as you tried to run away from your evil clone, the wicked face looked so much like you but at the same time so different. You stopped suddenly when you hit on something.

“Oh thank God it’s you Seugmin! Please tak- AHHHHHHHHHHHHH” you screamed at the top of your lungs when you felt him hit your chest with a knife.

“Y/N! What happened?” the boy by your side woke up with your scream, scared something bad might have happened to you.

“We shouldn’t have watched that movie” you hid your face in his neck, hugging his body and crying a little while he giggled at you. “Stop! It was scary! I was trying to get me and you were the one who hurt me” you pouted looking at the man, trying to do a puppy face.

“I told you we should not watch horror movies, you always get scared” he patted your head, kissing the top of it before bringing you both back to your lying position, hugging you tight to his chest. “And if I dare to hurt you one day, I will let you take revenge”.

➥ jeongin

You looked over at the people at your wedding reception, everyone having fun on the dance floor, your feet too hurt to actually move any longer. You watched as yours and Jeongin’s family got along, smiling at yourself for being so lucky.

Then your eyes landed on your now-husband and how he happily spoke to one of your cousins when he whispered in her ear, the woman giggling and nodding, her hands lingering a little too long on his arms, her long nails almost entering the fabric as she squeezed the place.

Tears started to fall from your eyes as you watched the scene unfold in front of your eyes and then you started running away from the place, from everyone. You could only hear the faint screams of your name by your husband. “Y/N! Y/N! Y/N! WAKE UP!”

Your eyes finally shot open, the place slowly starting to be visible in silhouettes by your eyes, the darkness of your bedroom embracing you. “Are you okay, sweetie?” the voice of your fiance sounding worried by your side. “Did you have a nightmare?” you nodded and hugged him.

“You and my cousin were flirting at our wedding and… and” you hiccuped the words as he soothed you.

“Y/N, I’d never do that. Do you hear me? You are my best friend, my lover, my partner,ever and the love of my life. I would never even do anything like that to hurt you”

“Promise?” you looked at him, not much being visible in the darkness. He nodded, whispering a soft promise against your lips, making your worries go away.

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gale-gentlepenguin · 3 years

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Gale's Top Ten: Worst ML Characters

Here are the rules:

1. This is based SOLELY on my view of the CANON Interpretation of the character. I am not doing anything based on Fanon Headcanons or Character fandoms. (If that were the case, Certain Characters would be MUCH higher.)

1.5: (I am not counting the comics I am going based SOLELY on what has been shown on the show)

2. Worst in the definition is the following criteria. A character I considers 1. Objectively bad, 2. Personally Bad, 3. Conceptually Bad. or a combination of the 3.

2.5. Something that is personally bad will not off worse for me then something Conceptually or Objectively bad. But the more a character hits these points. The Higher they will be.

3. They need to have to appear AT LEAST Once AND have dialogue in that appearance.

4. This list is MY OPINION, and nothing else. So if you don't like it or Agree, that is fine _______________________________________________________________________

10. Otis Cesaire/ Animan

Honestly he isnt bad as a character in most regards. I just CANT stand Animan. The akuma is such a LAZY idea. Like they didnt really give him a unique form and the reason he was akumatized was just so stupid. The reason he is so low is because he is fine in his other appearances. But I cant overlook how cartoonishly dumb his motivation for being akumatized was.

9. Vincent Aza/ Pixelator

I am going to level with ya, His civilian self REALLY skeeves me out. His akuma is kind of cool. but the dude is a creepy stalker and his appearance was just so cringe. Aside from that his akuma and his design are fine. I have no complaints about the episode outside of his character.

8.André Glacier

Honestly, the idea of him is good on paper, but any man that puts Orange and Mint ice cream together and calls that a good flavor combination is actually a sociopath that is ready to murder. Also, his akumatization reason was dumb. I also just find him kind of... bleh in most cases. Nothing really awful but just kind of irritating.

7. Zoé Lee/Vesperia

I should Clarify. i dont hate her specifically. I just Hate what she represents. She is a cheap cop out. She was designed to be the new bee hero and its clear that she was created by Thomas purely out of spite. Im not a Chloé stan, nor am I someone that cares if Chloé gets a redemption or not. But Sole Crusher and Queen Banana (the two episodes Zoé starred in) had this air of manipulation to it that just seemed so... distasteful. Chloé (who was always mean) was made out to be infinitely meaner coming off as cartoonishly evil. And then there is Zoé who we are TOLD is sweet, and kind and everything Chloé isnt. And thats the real problem. Zoé is a Character that we are TOLD to like. And that rubs me the wrong way. I want better for her, and I hope later seasons help expand on her more.

6. Luka Couffaine/ Viperion

As time goes on, I find my opinion on Luka shifting. But now I think I found a definitive Opinion on the character. He is basically the Zoé of season 2. Luka is the other love rival. In comparison to Kagami, who was developed and put as a strong character, Luka was sort of... put in and we are told is nice and good. Truthfully we dont really get much development for him until the first episode of SEASON 4. Up until that point we only had. 1. Is nice. 2. Is in Band. 3. Likes Marinette. 4. Is Juleka's brother. The problem is also with the framing we see him in. We dont get a perspective of him from Adrien's side. We only really see him from Marinette's Lens. And really most of Luka is just told by others. We are TOLD that Marinette likes him from like 5 different people before she says so. We are told that they are good together. Really its just a series of Tell and not show (Until season 4, and even then Gang of Secrets still does it). I will say he is at least more developed then Zoé, but for the most part their placement on the list is pretty much interchangeable. Though the deciding factor is just... the look. Zoé is nicer to look at aesthetically. So thats why she is lower on the list. Though if i included the fandom shenanigans involving him (he would number one because of just how awful the toxic stans were/ are)

5.Tikki

Tikki is my least favorite Kwami.

She is not really a great partner, she always seems to be the one that points out what Marinette is doing is wrong, the problem is, that most of the time, Marinette isn't doing something actually wrong. Tikki is the Lesson dealer in most episodes and the lessons usually don't make sense or are Obvious. Tikki can be caring, but she is just not that great at being an emotional support for Marinette. Which is ironic because you would think Plagg would be the worse partner Kwami, but he isn't. I hoped Season 4 would help fix tikki. But really it only showed how much BETTER the other Kwami are and she seems even LESS competent then before. Plus Tikki is so inconsistent that at times i am not even sure what she wants.

4. Nathalie Sancoeur/ Mayura

Now we are at the point when I personally dont like the characters. I never really like Nathalie at the beginning. She just seemed like a boring assistant Character, at least in the first half of season 1. Origins made me see her in a slightly more positive light, and when I heard rumors that she was going to become a villain, I was stoked. But then... her character dropped. Her love for Gabriel seems almost out of nowhere and her care for Adrien is sadly dismissed whenever Gabriel/Hawkmoth needs her. Her character could be so easily improved, but she was quickly made the sickly sacrificial lamb. There is so much potential with Nathalie and it makes me Angry how poorly done her character is. I don't hate her concept, I just hate the execution. Though to her credit, she is clearly the smarter of the two. And if she was the main villain she likely would have been a MUCH bigger threat.

3. Thomas Astruc:

I hate shameless Self inserts. There is an art to it. And really this was not a good one. I know it will be a bad episode the moment he shows up and has a prominent role. It just screams ego to me and it is greatly irritating.

2. Gabriel Agreste/Hawkmoth/Shadowmoth

I am a guy that LOVES villain character. Give me malicious villains, give me corny villains, give me theatrical villains, sympathetic villains, tragic villains, diabolical villains, genius villains, psychotic villains, silly villains, any sort of villain that is over the top. With Hawkmoth he just doesn't hit the notes right, they try to make him sympathetic, but then they make him so theatrical that he enjoys evil, they try to make him strategic in a few episodes but then have him akumatize pigeon man 72 times! His akuma can escape his notice and go rogue. His characterization is not consistent or defined, the main problem is, he isn't crazy enough to pull off the uncertainty. He is too sane to be insane, to incompetent to be threatening, too manipulative to be sympathetic. Hawkmoth suffers from being too much or not enough of a villain trait that makes him so middling. The only thing consistent is that he is a really s*** parent. I will say he is somewhat improving in this season but honestly not enough for me to say I enjoy his presence. We needed a new main villain 2 seasons ago.

1. Su Han

I hate everything he represents. He is the Grand master of the order of Guardians. He is shown to be an arrogant D-bag. He is unnecessarily disrespectful when talking to Fu. He is a coward, and he demands respect that is unearned. I use to really hate fu in the past, He use to be my least favorite character, Especially with the episode Feast. But after meeting Su Han, I got it. NO WONDER FU MADE THOSE MISTAKES, THIS A**HOLE SUCKED! Child abuse, potential Kwami abuse. The guy was a dill weed that him and his advanced order lost to a 4 FOOT BLUE DOG. His appearance RUINED the mystic of the order of guardians. Sure he has a cool fighting style and techniques, but that doesnt change the fact that the order of the guardians were incompetent idiots that couldnt handle 1 dog. Ladybug and Chat noir shoud have not cast miraculous healing, and left the order in the past where it BELONGED.

#ml #miraculous ladybug #Gale's top ten #worst CHARACTERS #ml spoilers #ml season 4 #I was disappointed

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mevekagvain · 3 years

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Chapter 181 - Kei's slow "yes" at being told to take care of Seira... iwi

- Ludis is so proactive,,, son boy

- Rael and Urokai should make a club for "why do people go along with what we say when our expressions make it clear we're up to no good"

- Extremely funny how they imprison Seira and Gejutel solely on a "we know you can break out but you better not" basis. Like okay that's a lot of trust you're putting into apparent traitors Raskreia. I know you're hoping they'll confess last minute so you don't have to execute them and are testing them but still.

Chapter 182 - Rozaria about Rael "That child truly thinks he can take over the Loyard clan with how he runs to you immediately? At most he'd be a malewife smh"

- Rozaria knew how dumb Karias is and also that he'd definitely take pity on Seira and came in his place. But also ofc to leave the sausage fest. Meanwhile Ludis suffers wondering why he's friends with the major dumbass. Why did Karias unbutton his coat, take off his blouse, and reveal his chest during this whole time though? Don't know whether I empathise with him because I wish I could do that or with Ludis because god he's so stupid.

- The "and your figure" remark always makes me cringe so hard like how do you make it any more obvious it was written by a man. This is why I just pretend the remark is actually just Rozaria being a major lesbian.

- The noblesse' territory has some giant fucking trees love it. Also Tao mirroring Aris' habit mayhaps. Would love to go on a tangent about it but I'll shorten it to just saying that I love it.

- Still massively impressive that Tao can differentiate between hundreds of signals/noises in real time immediately. Much more so than anything to do with actually fighting tbh.

Chapter 184 - Kei just going "did the previous lord have a secret child???" is so funny and also yeah very believable but also simultaneously unbelievable. Really hinges on the parentage of said secret child and just how dangerous it would be if they were known to exist since there's no way he wouldn't adore any of his children.

- Ah I completely forgot that Raskreia was aware in the manhwa that her father wanted Raizel to be lord. Thought that was anime only. Not that it changes anything.

- They always make the traitors and betrayal to be some great big thing but considering that the current clan leaders don't know jack shit, not even that the traitors were apparently led by someone according to said traitors... I still think the traitors went into the throne room, told her they think she's not a suitable lord and would be leaving Lukedonia, and peaced out quietly. Her kicking entire clans out was just her being a horrible lord tm.

- When the lord telepathically orders you to restrain and bring her your fellow clan leader... just girly things <3 also more of Rozaria flirting lmao. "that side of you is very attractive" like okay am I supposed to take that as a normal compliment.

- Sorry just gonna go cry over how much I love Blood Witch actually being able to close its eye and blink and and and iwi. It's just so cute.

- Okay so apparently the castle is more sturdy than a normal one which is why Rozaria hasn't destroyed it immediately while dealing with Seira. So Raskreia is knowingly destroying the castle 😔 chill queen

- Karias just going "Yeah no I'll deal with Regis because you'd just kill him" to Rajak. Rael should have plotted to set up that as a fight instead if he wants Regis dead so bad.

Chapter 185 - I do like the whole roadtrip thing nobles have being canonically of several years minimum but also wow that's so fucked up lmao. Imagine just sending your 17 year old out into the world with no resources or support for a year where they have to actively travel the world, fight against evil, etc. This isn't even Pokemon. Meanwhile I have Mevek who makes it worse by going on the roadtrip for 210 years ajjsjsjs.

- Just the fact that Karias is very obviously one of the most soft hearted of the current gen with how he lets Regis have a chance to escape despite knowing he'll suffer greatly for his actions... A lot of people seem to think it's Ludis because of the whole teaparty scene but he just isn't as much of a fighter as the rest despite how skilled he obviously is so they go instead of him. Meanwhile Rozaria actively prevents him and goes in his place because she's likely aware of his soft hearted nature.

- Oh Karias has a vest on now. I wonder if Ludis forced him to wear that.

Chapter 188 - Aaaand Seira and Rozaria have demolished that section of the castle.

#noblesse #raining while reading

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starr-fall-knight-rise · 4 years

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Humans are space Orcs, “Interrogation.”

Wrote this after my first day of work, so forgive me if there are any issues.

Admiral Vir sighed and tilted his head back to stare up at the ceiling overhead. “You can make me wait here all day, it isn’t going to change my story.” He leaned back further in his chair to the point where he balanced on two legs, “You want to know why?” He turned his head towards the mirror across the room, which he was in no small doubt, was a one way mirror. He allowed the chair legs to drop and slam against the floor, “BECAUSE I AM TELLING THE TRUTH.”

He sighed and slammed his head against the table with a sigh. The energy cuffs on his wrists hummed, buzzing slightly against his skin when he moved.

He groaned, “I’ve told you countless times. I am-being-framed.” With every word, he accentuated his statement by slamming his forehead against the metal of the desk. Not hard enough to hurt, but he was just so bored that maybe pain would be better than just sitting here.

He sighed when no one came and looked around at the small room, the single table, the one way mirror and the two metal chairs, his hands chained to the desk in front of him.

He groaned and slumped down in his chair. Folding his arms before him, he rested his head against his arms taking a deep breath and sighed. Well maybe he might fit in a nap while they were working, at least that wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of knowing he wasn’t enjoying this.

He was asleep within seven minutes.

***

“YOU BASTARDS. YOU MONGRELS. YOU HARRY SYCOPHANTS. IF YOU HURT A HAIR ON HIS HEAD, I SWEAR I WILL RUIN YOU. ADAM VIR IS INNOCENT I TELL YOU, INNOCENT.”

“Stop.”

“I WILL TEAR THIS PRECINCT DOWN BRICK BY BRICK.”

“Krill!”

“DID YOU HEAR ME YOU FUZZY PISSANTS.”

“Krill STOP!”

His ranting was cut off as Sunny clamped a hand over his mouth and dragged him away from the front steps of the Tesraki prescient, “What are you doing! This isn’t going to help Adam. If anything that is going to make it so much worse.’

Krill turned his head to look up at her, eyes narrowed, “Who are you and what did you do with Sunny.”

She frowned, “what do you mean.”

“Are you kidding me Sunny! Your battle partner is in there, and who knows what could happen to him . Who knows what is happening to him as we wpeek Whoever framed him had a lot of ower and that means they have the power to murder him on the inside.”

Sunny snarled, “Don’t you think I know that Krill! I can’t believe I am saying this, least of all to you, but we have to be rational! Charging in there weapons blazing is only going to get us hurt, thrown in jail or killed, and neither of those would be useful to Adam right now. We have to prove that he is innocent!”

“What more proof can we get that they won’t just reject out of hand. It doesnt matter that he was traveling with the two of us, or that his ship is full of aliens, or that he is the head of a drev clan. Something bigger is going on here Sunny, we have to do something even BIGGER to fight this.”

She frowned tapping her fingers lightly against the bottom of her chin.

Great drops or rain began to fall from the sky plunking down on the pavement with subtle thudding noises.

“We have to find irrefutable proof, something they cant argue with even if they tried.”

“Where do we start.”

“That list Adam gave us should be a good start.”

Krill sighed, “Fine, but there isn’t time to be nice about this. We can’t rely on the authorities. We have to do this our way.”

***

SLAM

Adam jerked awake, his head ringing as he sat up in his chair staring around the room and groggily trying to find the source of the noise. It didn’t take long before he found what he was looking for. The Detective stood over him, his jacket hanging lank and long draped around his shoulders and towards the floor.

On the table before him, there sat a large cream file, which had likely been the source of the noise.

Adam frowned and sat back in his seat.

“Really, a file. Is that supposed to intimidate me or something?”

The Detective sat across from him, “Do you need us to get you anything Admiral.”

“How about the key out of here.”

The man frowned, “So you fancy yourself a comedian.”

“No, I fancy myself a free man.” he would have crossed his arms if the cuffs didn’t get in the way.

“Are you always this resistive to authority.”

Adam snorted, “I’m in the fucking army asshat of course I’m not. I am resistive to assholes who falsely accuse me of something I didn’t do and then ignore my friends when they try to stick up for me.”

“The Drev and the Vrul?”

“Yes.”

“We are looking into them as we speak. We are sure to find their link to your plot soon.”

Adam sputtered, “Plot, what plot you daft dimwit.” he wrigged his fingers comically, “My dastardly plot to give hugs to all the aliens in the universe, or how about my evil scheme to steal cake from the shared company fridge. Oh what a fucking moster I am.”

“Where did you put the body parts?”

He stopped in his tracks, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“The body parts of the first Tesraki, where did you put them.”

Adam shook his head in disbelief, “Look Detective dumbass, I didn’t put the Tesraki’s body parts anywhere… do you want to know why?”

The detective raised an eyebrow and leaned in a bit as Adam motioned him closer.

“BECAUSE I WASN’T EVEN ON THE FUCKING PLANET!”

The man nearly lept out of his skin with the strength of Adam’s voice. Adam sat back in his seat, “Just look at my ship’s log. I was busy working in the Perseus spiral of the Milky way before I was called in here. There was no way I could have been involved.”

“I know, we have a ship log that says you were there.”

He frowned, “Than why try to get me to admit to something I didn’t do.”

The man shook his head, “I didn’t say you didn’t do it, I just said that your ship’s logs seem to state that you were off world during that time.”

Adam huffed in anger and indignation, “Are you suggesting that I doctored my own ship reports?”

“You are the admiral, you do have executive control over things like that.”

Adam sighed in frustration, “I can’t even believe you right now. Changing a SINGLE long would prove nothing. I would have to change hours and hours mabe even days of data. Looking on the ship, you will find collected specimens and photos and videos taken during the time of the killing.” He rattled his hands against the chains, “You are a pretty ass detective if this is the best you can do.”

The man frowned, clearly not very impressed.

“Did you ever stop to think about why you are even here? I CALLED YOU IN. Why the ever loving hell would I do that if i thought there was even a chance that you could come in and catch me. It’s stupid, and it doesn’t add up.”

“You aren’t doing anything to make yourself look better Admiral.”

“Because I shouldn’t have to!”

“I beg to differ.”

***

A bright light flicked on in the darkness.

The human cringed back against it his feet scraping on the floor along with the metal of the chair, which he was tied to.

“Krill I-”

“Shh Sunny,”

The human squinted past the light in confusion and concern as two shadows coalesced before him and his eyes grew used to the glare. He shifted back in his seat, eyes wide as the two aliens stared back at him, one of those big shiny Drev and those weird spider things he forgot the name of.

The little creature paced back and forth in front of him, ‘You will find it interesting to know how easy it was to find you. After we found your three thug friends on the list, surprise surprise, guess how delighted we were to learn you were all staying in the same room together…. And one of you was missing.”

The an hook his head staring at the scuttling legs of the little bug creature as he crawled past, “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“Don’t play dumb with me.” The bug turned to look at him, and he was suddenly very disconcerted by the angry glower that covered the creature’s face, It was too human of an expression to belong on an alien.

“Wha, wh… I have no idea what you are talking about, I swear.”

The little bug leaned forward, as something shiny appeared in his hand, ‘Oh I think you do.”

“Is that a scalpel.” He squeaked out

“Yes, why yes it is. I am a surgeon by the way.” He glowered at the human, “And I know over 100 ways to.” His voice grew quiet, “disembowel yo, while keeping you alive.”

The man’s eyes widened in panic.

“Krill!” THe Drev hissed.

“Shut up, Sunny.” The Little bug crawled forward, until he was right up in the human’s face. Did you know when I was in medical school, I learned how to completely dissect the nervous system of a krevling. My record…. Ten minutes and twenty three seconds.”

The man turned to look at the Drev, who, surprisingly, out of the two of them seemed less crazy and violent.

She caught his eye, “Maybe you should do what he says. I don’t think he’s kidding.”

THe bug creature inflated his helium sack and rose into the air scalpel held out nonchalantly. He leaned in close quietly, “I hear humans taste like chicken.”

His mouth quivered, “I, I thought you bugs only ate plants.”

The alien smacked his lips together, or at least made the approximation of smacking his lips together, “I don’t know a light based diet hasn’t really been sustaining me lately. He leaned a little further in, “besides, I think sauteed lightly in butter with a couple of onions…. You might just manage to convert me to carnivorism.”

The man pushed back against the ground, metal scraping against concrete until his back was planted right against the wall, “I…. I don’t know what is wrong with you, but I swear….”

THe Drev placed a hand on the bug’s shoulder, “krill, seriously, don’t you think this is going a little too far.”

“This coming from you, Sunny.” He shrugged hr off, “I think I would like his toes first.”

The human took a deep breath staring down into the little creature’s prismatic orange eyes, crazy eyes, manic eyes.

Sunny, the Drev shook her head, “Look we don’t really want to hurt you, we just want to help our friend.”

“Toes.” The Vrul whispered

The look on the creature’s face was enough to have him loose his nerve completely, “OK OK fine, I will tell you what you want to know, just don’t. Just don’t touch my toes, OK. you Freak.”

*** “Dear lord in heaven above give me the strength not to smash my head through this table.”

“Are you sure you don’t want something to drink.”

“You know that whole trying to be my friend thing isn’t going to work. You called me xenophobic after all, which is the msot damned insulting thing I have ever been called. My best friend is an alien, my g….my gr-reatest allies are aliens. I was the one who DISCOVERED them. I am the leader of a Drev CLAN for crying out loud.”

“People do things they don’t like for power.”

“Were you dropped on your head as a child or were you just born stupid.”

The Detective glowered at him, “Name calling isnt going to help you here.”

“I demand a lawyer.”

The detective snarled.

He tired to cross his arms but only managed to tug against his jacket, “I demand a lawyer immediately, and until I get one, I am not saying another word to you.”

“Admiral Vir, there is no law on the Tesraki homeworld that says.”

“Twinkle twinkle little star-”

“That is really mature Admiral.”

“Wanna hit you with my car.”

“Admiral.”

“Toss you off a cliff so high!” “Admiral, stop that right now.”

“HOPE YOU BREAK YOUR NECK AND DIE”

The detective was seen storming out of the interrogation room not minutes later fuming with the sound of lyrics followed him down the hall, which didn’t stop until the door closed all the way.

It would remain to be seen who was going to break first.

***

Sunny stared at Krill, and Krill did his best to ignore Sunny as he paced back and forth over the ground.

“What the hell was that.”

“What was what.”

“What you just did in there.”

“Interrogation.”

“That guy nearly shat himself.”

Krill looked up at her with a very serious expression, “That is what I was hoping for.”

“Have you gone insane.”

“No, not at all besides, it worked didn’t it.”

Sunny grumbled in acknowledgement. She supposed he was right. The revelations they had received from the man as he cowered back against his chair begging Krill not to cut off his nose.

Someone had hired the four of them for sure. He was in charge of locating their targets while the other three men did their dirty work. Following that he was supposed to doctor some information given to him by his outside source, “I fixed the surveillance to make it look like the admiral was there. I have the doctored files in my computer, and I was supposed to bring them to my source tomorrow night so they could use it as evidence against him.’

“And who are your contacts.’

“I don’t know, I never saw their faces, or asked questions. I was just the guy who dropped off what they needed.”

“Than that means you can take us to this dropoff point.”

“No I…”

“Did you know it only takes a spoon and less than a pound of pressure to pop a human eye out of it’s socket.”

“FINE FINE ILL TAKE YOU. Just get this crazy freak away from me.”

Sunny had grabbed krill then and dragged him out of the room with a disapproving frown.

“What you are a drev you should love scaring the shit out of people.”

“I love beating the shit out of people krill, not threatening to eat their toes.”

He shrugged seeming very unconcerned about the whole thing, “Either way, we have our way in. As long as Adam can hang in there, we might be able to save him.”

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kokorosfanfics · 3 years

Text

Jealous!Gonta x reader: Atua or My Love?

Nobody requested this, this is just an idea I’ve had for a while and I’m waiting to get more requests. Pretty much, Gonta joined the student council and it’s taking a toll on your relationship, but your good friend Kokichi is here to help! -Mod Kokoro

(Also, don’t do this if you’re in a similar situation. This is fiction, but in an actual relationship, it’s better to talk about it.)

Things were bad enough as it is, with being stuck in a killing game. But now, Gonta Gokuhara, your boyfriend, has been brainwashed into the student council, A.K.A. Angie’s cult. Normally, you ate with Gonta on your left and your best friend, Kokichi, on your right. But now that he’s all “ATUAAAA!” He only ate with the other student council members. You tried to talk to him, only for him to insist you join the student council, which you politely refused. No matter how many times Angie gives you a hug, or Gonta pleads, you’re not joining that Atua bullshit. One time, Gonta approached you, only to reprimand you on going out of the dorms at night. You sighed to yourself, simply poking your fork into your food.

“You good (N/N)?” (Nickname)

“I’m fine, ‘Kichi...” Well, at least you still have Kokichi. At least he didn’t betray you for some cult.

“Yeah. That’s an obvious lie.” Kokichi scooted closer to you, and got a little more serious.

“Is this because of you and Gonta?”

Tears were threatening to come out. “Y-Yes...”

“Y’know, I wouldn’t mind helping you.”

“How? What could you do?”

“Meet me in your room after breakfast.” With nothing else better to do, you nodded your head, and finally ate your breakfast.

You walked with Kokichi to your room, and shut the door behind you. Kokichi sat in your bed, and you sat next to him.

“So... How’re you gonna help me?” You asked.

“Easy! All we gotta do is make him jealous!”

“Jealous? I don’t really think Gonta’s the type to get jealous...”

“Oh, but we’ll do it.” Kokichi gave you sneaky look.

“......How?”

“I’m going to pretend to try to steal you from him.” His face immediately went to one of his creepy/evil ones.

“WHAT?”

“You heard me right. We’re going to play pretend. I’ll pretend to try to steal you from him, and you’re going to pretend it’s working. He won’t catch on that we’re only faking it, and eventually he’ll do something! C’mon, what’s the worst that could happen?” Kokichi winked at you.

You thought about it for a bit. How would this work? Gonta... Isn’t the brightest. Pretty dense, really. You’d have to be all over each other in order for something like this to work. And do you really want to make him worry about losing you? That’s horrible! But then again..... He had barely spoken to you like a lover in a long while. And Kokichi, as devious as he is, usually his plans worked. He thought things through, and was pretty damn clever. An evil genius, who secretly had a heart of gold. He’s your best friend, and does genuinely care about you and want to help you. Who knows, maybe this could work?

“Alright. I’m in.” You reluctantly agreed. “But nothing that’ll hurt him!”

“Great! Let’s start right now.”

“Huh?”

“Uh, yeah! We gotta talk through some things we’re gonna do in front of Gonta to get him worked up! Don’t worry we don’t have smash lips or anything like that.”

The two of you planned out some scenarios to act out in front of Gonta to make him jealous.

“You ready N/n?” Kokichi nudged your shoulder.

“Yep. Ready as I’ll ever be, ‘Kichi.”

“Great! Let’s go!” Kokichi wrapped an arm around yours, and the two of you headed to the dining hall for lunch.

As usual, Gonta ignored you, and sat at the opposite end of the table. Kokichi sat next to you, but this time an arm was around your waist. Time to get your acting skills ready.

“Y’know S/o, you look really nice today.” Kokichi pretended to flirt.

“O-Oh! Thank you, that’s really nice. You’re looking good, too!” You responded. So far, so good. You noticed Miu in the corner of your eye carefully observing suspiciously. Kokichi reached up to tuck some hair behind your ear. Now, you saw Miu nudge Kiyo, who was next to her. Seems you’ve got the attention of two of your classmates.

“Hey, S/o, do your hands still hurt from yesterday?” Kokichi made sure this was asked a little louder than usual.

“Hurt? Is S/O hurt???” You were surprised to hear none other than Gonta, who seemed to have picked up on the conversation. You looked over to see him surprised, and a little worried. You and Kokichi hadn’t planned to get Gonta’s attention this early, but he winked at you, assuring he knew what to do.

“Oh yeah! Poor S/o, she fell and got so injured! But luckily, I was there to help her/him/them.” Kokichi placed emphasis on the “I” part. “Hey, S/o, since your hands still hurt, I’d hate for you to be in pain while lifting your fork, so I’ll help you!” Kokichi picked up your fork, lifted it your mouth, and fed you. You blushed, yeah you had discussed and agreed to this, but it still caught you off guard. Now, Miu, Kiyo, Shuichi, Kaito, and Maki were observing as they spoke lowly to each other. You couldn’t tell if anyone from the student council was noticing, but you felt some eyes on you, so you assumed some of them were. The rest of lunch, Kokichi fed you and subtly pretended he was flirting with you. You pretended to be clueless to his fake advances, and “unknowingly” encouraged him. When you were done eating, Kokichi moved close enough so only you saw his face. He gestured with his eyes and head to look behind you.

You looked over your shoulder to find Angie, Tenko, Himiko, Kiibo and Gonta muttering to each other. But Gonta only seemed to be focused on you. Not wanting to make it obvious you were looking, you went back to facing Kokichi, and the two of you looked mischievously at each other and nodded. This was getting good. Kokichi placed his head under your neck and rested against you.

“Oh! Are you tired, Kokichi?” You asked softly. You had to pretend like you were oblivious to his “advances” after all.

“Yeah. You don’t mind if I rest against you, do you?”

“Not at all!” You hugged him close. But then came something you hadn’t expected.

“Hey! Degenerate male! Why are you flirting with S/o? She’s dating Gonta, so get off her tits!” Tenko the man hater was here to protect you from threats that didn’t actually exist.

“Tenko, he’s not a degenerate and he’s not flirting with me. He’s my friend!” You spoke up to defend him.

“He’s been flirting this whole time! First he’s all over you, next he feeds you, and then he presses his head against your chest and, UGHH.” Tenko cringed in disgust.

“I fed her because her hands were injured? Oh and, N/N and I are like, best friends and all that. Not very uncommon for best friends to be affectionate, you know.” Kokichi scoffed at her remarks.

Before Tenko could say another word, Angie had stepped forward to where you were.

“Now now, it’ll be okay. I’m sure Kokichi is just trying to be a good friend, and S/o knows that. You’d do the same for your friends, wouldn’t you, Tenko?”

“I..... Yeah.” Tenko sighed.

“S/o, you are surrounded by good friends, and a lovely boyfriend! Why don’t you be apart of the student council?” Angie outstretched her arms and walked closer. Here it comes, the tenth time Angie has tried to brainwash you via magic hugs. But thankfully Kokichi swatted her away.

“Heyyy! Don’t take my friends from me! She/He/They doesn’t/don’t wanna be part of your stupid cult!”

“But can’t S/o speak for herself/himself/themselves?” Angie asked.

“Yes, and he’s right. I have no interest in your student council.” You gave her the polite version of what Kokichi said.

“See?” He taunted.

“It is fine! S/o will come around eventually! Let us go, student council.”

“C’mon, S/o. We’ve got places to be. Let’s go to my room!” Kokichi said, in his innocent voice. You saw Kiyo in the corner of you eye glaring at Miu that she better not make another dirty joke.

But as you left, Gonta was watching, and he began to feel.... Something. But he wasn’t sure what this was.

“Oh my God! S/o, THAT. WAS. AWESOME! DID YOU SEE THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES? MANNN THEY KNOW SOMETHING IS UP! I TOLD YA WE COULD GET GONTA JEALOUS!”

“I know! I think it’s working, maybe Gonta will finally snap out of it! I hope....” You were a little worried about hurting him, though.

The next days were spent with similar events. Kokichi would try to “steal you” from Gonta, Gonta would watch from afar, and you could tell it was working. One time you and Kokichi decided to just chill for a bit outside and look at the stars, and you weren’t putting up an act, just simply talking about stuff and chilling outside, and occasionally playing with each others hair. As you and Kokichi were talking, he stopped, and pointed behind you.

“Hm? What is it, ‘Kichi?” You looked behind you to see.... Gonta! Gonta was coming!

“Oh! Gonta you’re here, hey!” You and Kokichi stood up to greet him. You were just about to give him a hug, but...

“S/O and Kokichi not supposed to be out at night time. Gonta will bring S/O and Kokichi back to dorms.”

“Wha..... What?” You stared dumb founded. He was just here to tell you go back to the dorms?

“Student council not allow you to be outside at night.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You asked.

“It no joke. Come, let us-”

“No.” You stated.

“What S/o mean no? Being out at night is dangerous!”

“I don’t care.” You turned around. ‘This whole thing was a bust. He doesn’t treat me like a lover anymore. I won’t stand for this.’ You began walking off, probably to wander the school. “C’mon ‘Kichi. Let’s walk around for a bit.”

“GONTA NO CAN LET THAT HAPPEN!” Gonta went to take a hold of your hand, only you slapped his hand away from you.

“Fuck off.” You spat. Your gaze only softened a little at Gonta’s hurt expression. “What the hell Gonta? What happened? What’s gotten into you? I don’t deserve to be ignored and bossed around. Just because you’re in Angie’s cult, it doesn’t mean you can just tell me what I can and cannot do. I’m sick of the way you’re treating me, and I especially do not deserve to be second to your PRECIOUS Angie! I deserve better than that! Hell, WHY DON’T YOU JUST GO OFF AND BE WITH HER INSTEAD?” You ran away with tears in your eyes as you headed straight for the school building. You had enough. It was evident to you that Gonta didn’t care for you anymore. In this world where you must kill to escape, Gonta was the silver lining for you. But now, that silver lining has faded.

“Wow.” Kokichi turned to face Gonta. “You fucked up, big guy.” Only then did Kokichi notice Gonta’s expression. He was.... Crying.

“Gonta.... IDIOT! GONTA IDIOT! GONTA WAS UNGENTLEMANLY! HOW COULD GONTA DO THIS TO S/O?” Gonta fell to his knees, realizing how he made S/o feel. He’s never felt so ashamed in his life.

“Gonta.” Kokichi spoke up.

“What?” Gonta let out through a sob.

“It’s not too late, y’know. So why don’t you get up and go after her/him/them?”

“S/o deserve better than Gonta. Gonta was ungentlemanly!”

“Yeah, ignoring her/him/them and favoring some student council instead was pretty bad, but you know what gentleman do when they slip up after that?” Kokichi asked.

“What do gentleman do?”

“They go make up for it!” Kokichi nudged Gonta to get him up.

“Run! Go after her/hi/them, and make it up to her/him/them!”

“Kokichi is right! Gonta will go make it up to S/o!” With newfound confidence, Gonta began to run towards the school building.

“S/O! WAIT FOR GONTA! GONTA HAS SOMETHING TO SAY!”

“Nee-heehee. You’re welcome, S/o.” Kokichi simply walked into the school. He wanted to watch this play out.

You decided the best way to cope with your current situation would be to go in your lab. You were simply practicing your ultimate talent, hoping to get your mind off of things for a while, but you were interrupted.

“S/O!” Gonta exclaimed as he ran to you.

“W-What do you want, Gonta?” You really did not want more of Gonta’s bullshit. But thankfully, it wasn’t

“Whoa-” Gonta pulled you in for a hug.

“Gonta? What are you doing?...”

“Gonta is sorry. Gonta no should have mistreated S/O like that. Gonta promise to be a better gentleman. Gonta no want Angie, he want you.”

“Gonta.....” Finally. FINALLY your boyfriend was back!

“I’m sorry too, Gonta. I shouldn’t have snapped like that..”

“S/O no should apologize! Gonta was in wrong.”

“Thank you!” You reached up to kiss him, and he happily kissed back. You were so happy, finally, he was back! Your loveable giant teddy bear boyfriend was back!

During your kiss, you heard the familiar sound of Kokichi’s footsteps walking into your lab, as he walked over to where you were. You smiled into your kiss, and reached a hand behind your back, and Kokichi gladly high fived you.

#danganronpa #gonta #gonta gokuhara #gonta x reader #kokichi #kokichi ouma #kokichi oma

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whatiwillsay · 3 years

Note

Let me start by saying I'm a heterosexual women with a man. I don't believe Kaylor ever happened because I just don't think Karlie swings that way. I have no idea what Taylor identifies as but I do believe she is in a relationship with Joe Alwyn. Honestly trying to label her makes me uncomfortable, but in the way it would make me feel discussing anyones sexuality. My point I think Gaylor and Kaylor are 2 different topics. And I never understand that small percentage of Swifties that think they have to argue with Gaylor. Honestly it cant bother Taylor because if it did I think she would use more precise language to say "I'm straight ". Anyways I promise there is a point lol. I just wanted to explain why TTB offends me on this but I cant figure out why exactly and thought you could help.

When I see TTB just gush over anything LBGTQ related why do I cringe so much? Like I have second hand embarrassment for her and any young person actually reading her thinking she is an LBGTQ super warrior. Like read her post right now on Becca and Haley. It's just so weird to me and so many words come to my head but I can't totally pin point it. Is it like she's appropriating a culture? Is it that she's a straight women being an authority on 2 wealthy white women in a closet, it honestly boarders on fetishism sometimes. Does anyone ever read her when she writes like that, and tries to bring everything back to Kaylor and is just as grossed out as me in the manner in which she treats the subject. Then worries she's actually helping to shape a few young minds and gets even more annoyed by her behavior. Her archaic beliefs. Her absolute disdain for gay men? Am I being to judgemental on the fact I think its weird she's a straight women who's trying to be an expert on a lived experience she clearly knows nothing about?

well for 1 ttb is cringey in general but 2 i think it’s because she is a straight bully who makes herself the center of what should be a queer guided space that makes her “queer commentary” so cringey. the loudest voices here should be queer ones. we don’t need a straight evil woman amplifying only her own voice and running the show.

of course straight allies are very welcome here but they need to be thoughtful about how they speak and defer to queer voices on certain discussions such as what it’s like to be closeted for example or what is queer signaling/coding and what isn’t. for example, because ttb runs the kaylor fandom we have a bunch of people who think that affection between likely platonic besties is actually pda while actual queer people know that if you’re trying to hide a relationship the last thing you do is get overly touchy with your partner in public. straight people in the fandom should also work to support and amplify the voices of queer people while also engaging and having fun with us! like i said, hets are welcome at this party, as long as they remember this party isn’t being thrown for them nor is it about them but they still should join in the fun and have a slice of cake with us! just have the right disposition about it- don’t expect the cake to have a pic of your face on it.

tbh it makes me sick to think how ttb will never understand the pain of hiding, closeting, being outed, being afraid to simply reach for your partner’s hand in public, literally living life as a second class citizen simply for being in love yet she still is happy here to make herself the center of conversation in this fandom all the while being sickeningly homophobic (i personally asked her in dms to delete posts calling josh “the bottom” because it was homophobic and she point blank refused and said she was sick of being persecuted for being straight) toxic, racist, anti semitic, and also fucking stupid to boot. and of course downright evil for outing multiple vulnerable queer people in the fandom to their bosses, coworkers, friends, and families. like fuck her tbh.

like she’s so dumb and horrible it’s embarrassing to share a fandom cul de sac with her and yeah pretty much every post is cringe as fuck.

#anonymous #come on kids these people are kaylors

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hookahmancer · 3 years

Text

Coldsteel: Hot and Cold Part 3

Sonic, Tails, Amy, and Knuckles are playing Mario Party as Amy gets salty saying everyone is targeting her because she's a girl. Sonic is winning and mutters "it's not cause you're A girl, it's cause you're low hanging fruit."

"What are you calling me ugly? Like I'm some rotted apple?"

A familiar crass voice says behind her "he's saying your weak"

Everyone looks and it's Shadow with his arms crossed exacerbated at their activities. Sonic jumps "What are YOU doing here Shadow? You come to fight?!"

"Unlike you, I don't waste my time with low skilled welps. You wouldn't be ready for a REAL danger with all this leisure activity."

Knuckles tells him to chill out and that he should play. Maybe pick Boo the ghost since he's all dark and brooding.

"I just came here to warn you about Coldsteel. He's up to something, I just don't know what." Sonic sits back down and grabs his controller.

"Oh is that all? That guy is even less of a threat than Eggmud..."

Tails interjects while playing still that Coldsteel is a cunning and ruthless guy, and his heart of gold only makes him more of a threat because he has passion and a motive behind his actions making him a superior villain. Sonic just mutters "are you still on that fanboy crap?"

Knuckles coughs and waves his hand. "Shadow put out that minty cigar or whatever you're smoking! It reaks! Shadow?"

Shadow isn't there and the smoke gets thicker where no-one can see what's in front of them. A hedgehog like figure emerges and grabs Amy who screams as the others realize they can't move or speak.

Unbeknownst to the others, her captor is Coldsteel. Who in her paralyzed state he ties to a chair.

"Nothing person-el kiddo. The paralysis should wear off soon... I just didn't want those losers getting in my way."

"What's this all about Coldsteel? Sonic is gonna destroy you when he finds me! Even a DNA test wouldn't be able to recognize you!"

"Oh wow it's already wearing off, that was fast..."

"That's right. I'm A strong, independent woman with an even stronger immune system!"

"Well, this ain't A controlled substance girly... I'll keep ya paralyzed as long as I have too to get what I want."

Amy blushes but pretends to oppose

"Wha...what?! Are you going to have your way with me?! But I'm Sonic's girl! I will scream until your ears bleed as you...ravage me like some sorta primitive Neanderthal!"

"...what?"

"I know a petite, sophisticated, WAY OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE girl like me must be irresistible to your savage instincts but when Sonic finds out you won't be going to normal bad guy jail. You'll be going to hardcore bad guy jail where like, subreddit mods go!"

"Nothing person-el kid, but no. I'm just gonna keep you here until the Stockholm syndrome kicks in."

"Oh...so I'm not good enough for you is that it?! You think I'm ugly too?! Well look at you, Barney the dinosaur looking ass mother fucker!"

Coldsteel has an annoyed bored look on his face and inhales his vape, breathing it over Amy's face to paralyze her again.

Meanwhile when the others come too Sonic goes running around looking for Amy before Knuckles and Tails can even say anything. Knuckles and Tails get in Tail's airplane to scout the skies for Sonic and see the blue blur heading toward Dr. Eggman's lair who is bossing around his robots to adjust this giant golden statue of him while he drinks lemonade and says "no no, over there! Stupid robots..." Sonic tackles Eggman and starts wailing on Eggman.

"Where is she?!" "What are you blathering about hedgehog?!" Sonic continues to pummel Eggman as Tails and Knuckles yell at Sonic to stop from afar. As Tails lands, Knuckles jumps out and pulls Sonic off of a crying and battered Eggman.

"Stop going Christian Bale on him Sonic, we know this had to be Coldsteel's doing!"

"Don't you think I know that?! But Eggturd here is the one pulling the strings!"

A tear of pain rolls down Eggman's swollen black eye as he turns to his side whimpering and pees himself.

"I somehow doubt that..."

As this goes on. Coldsteel is just sitting there glaring at Amy. Amy can talk again and snide remarks "you know... Kidnapping is a pretty serious crime! Those real super villains are just gonna love your Lilac color tone!"

"Well good thing you're not a kid huh?"

"I...you call everyone a...SONIIIIICCCCC"

He gets up furiously "What do you see in that dumb ass anyway?! I'm way cooler than he is!"

"Is that what this is about? Jealously?" "Kinda"

"People like Sonic because he's a kind, caring hedgehog who shows mercy even to those who don't deserve it."

Sonic is punching Eggman again "I know you did it! I know you did it!" Tails crying like the Simpson's meme "stop STOP! HE'S ALREADY DEAD!!!"

"He's also smart. He's like a Sherlock Holmes who can get to the bottom of an unsolvable mystery and have the answers to everything!"

Sonic puts down Eggman and says "Shadow!" Knuckles just mutters "Why would Shadow have warned us about Coldsteel if it was him?"

"And most of all he is selfless! He puts others before his own well being, especially his friends!"

Sonic shrugs and says "Enh, I never liked Amy much anyway..."

Amy glares into Coldsteel's eyes

"YOU are a petty little man who bullies everyone to get your way! You have no friends, and you suck as a villain! You're like..."

"What? Like Eggman?"

"Like Kevin..."

Dramatic music plays and lightning strikes. And Amy whispers

"Nothing person-el kid..." Coldsteel slaps her hard enough where she falls over still tied to the chair.

"Harder daddy!"

"What the fuck is wrong with this girl?"

The heroes are back home playing Mario Party without Amy and Tails sighs.

"It's not the same without Amy..." Sonic bored too responds

"You're right Tails. We need that fourth player... Your thumbs still work right Egghead?"

Sonic poking Eggman's nose with the controller while Eggman is in a full body cast muffling "I hate that hedgehog..."

Coldsteel sets Amy back up and she's still sassing

"Why do you even like me?!"

"I'm asking myself the same question..."

"You don't even know my name!"

"Yeah I do! It's, uhh..."

"You don't even know my name..."

"Sure I do! It's... Daisy?"

"No."

"Annie. Little Annie!" Coldsteel starts singing it's a hard knock life.

"I hate you."

The protagonists still playing and they just lay Eggman's controller on his chest, Knuckles says "maybe we should try harder to find Amy..."

Sonic tapping ferociously "She's fine..."

Coldsteel is in a scary clown mask revving up a chainsaw to her face "LOVE ME YA STUPID CUNT!"

"Learn my name ya stupid garbage person!"

Tails eating some chips "Amy could be in real danger..."

They're boxing and Amy knocks Coldsteel down in one blow reinacting Mohammad Ali's fight "WHAT'S MY NAME?!"

Knuckles goes to take a sip of soda, but stops before it reaches his lips when Shadow says "are you guys just gonna sit around and let this happen?"

Amy is singing Karaoke of Eminem "HI my name is, huh? My name is, who? My name is dikki dikki..." She puts the Mic up to Coldsteel's mouth

"Uhh... Tammy?" She pokes him in the eye with the Mic.

Shadow scolding these bunch of lollygaggers "Coldsteel is doing God knows what to your friend and you guys are just sitting around playing video games!"

Eggman is screaming under his bandages struggling and Shadow strips the mouth part so he can talk. "You fools do not have the faintest idea how serious this whole situation is! What those two are doing together is worse than any evil scheme I could come up with!"

Knuckles snorts "What? Some kind of fetish fanfic?"

"Worse echidna. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT..."

"Arby. Omg your parents named you Arby's?! I love Arby's! We should get Arby's!"

Amy hits him in the face with her hammer.

"Oh my GOD how can you obsess over me when you won't even learn my name?! You're insufferable! How could anyone stand someone who is an obsessed little worm in a completely one-sided infatuation and tics all the cringe tropes of a gendered stereotype?! I...oh...oh no. I'm everything I hate..."

"Arby's? But the twisty fries..."

"NO NOT ARBY'S YOU MOUTH BREATHER."

Coldsteel's hiding place rumbles as Eggman's grounder robot drills from the bottom and Eggman, Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles jump out.

"Oh cool. Grindr! I remember you from the old animated..."

Eggman yells "Its grounder!"

The grounder robot says "naw naw, he's right... My date is just a block from here. Seeya boss." Grounder digs back down.

Sonic goes up to Amy "it's ok now Amy...you're safe."

"Don't touch me!" "What's gotten into you?!"

Eggman mutters "Coldsteel probably..." Tails, Knuckle, and Coldsteel do the black guys rap battle meme

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TFdvfrWS7XQ

"What's gotten into me?! I have wasted too many nights pining over an ungrateful, selfish, egotistical toxic masculine man whom barely even notices I exist!"

"Why are we here again? Oh hey Amy..."

Coldsteel walks up and puts his arm around Amy sneering at Sonic

"Heh...nothing person-el kid!"

"And YOU... You are a reminder of why self care and confidence are so important! Did you honestly think if you just kept me here long enough I'd fall in love with you? You still don't know my name! You're like those dudes who send money to egirls but tell your friends you have a girlfriend!"

Eggman yells BETAAAA in the back like Jesse Lee

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=VRq4I1a1iVw

"I'm done with all hedgehogs. I don't wanna see any of you ever again. ESPECIALLY you Sonic!"

Amy just walks out. And Sonic says "geez what a bitch"

Coldsteel remarks "I hate to see her go, but I love to watch her leave..." Knuckles and and Eggman fist bump Coldsteel.

Everyone just decides to go home and Tails walking by Sonic

"So wait...does this mean Coldsteel never had any feelings for me?"

Eggman walks pass Tails "BETAAAA"

#sonicthehodgeheg #fanfic #sonic fan character

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pochapal · 3 years

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I hate doctor 11 but ive never been able to explain why in like words lmao. He feels like such a mary sue character imo and like theres something about his characterisation that was always just really ineffective (like the stuff about fishfingers and custard or whatever it was). Imo i'd love to hear you give top 5 worst things about the 11 era because i rlly just love when it gets torn apart

i hold nothing but a seething contempt and loathing for that man. every time he appeared on screen i felt ready to snap like a riled up chimpanzee in my enclosure. i am frothing at the mouth and overcome with a desire to start flinging heavy objects. this might be incoherent and inconsistent but i started this rewatch in feb 2020 and only finished this week so i got through 11′s episodes last august/september time and i refuse to revisit it to jog my memory or fact check anything i’m saying here because this man does not deserve the space in my mind for that.

the first thing is i can’t fucking STAND the quirky whimsy timey wimey bit he has going on all of the time. i can’t even say this is because this is a kids show and i was a teen and then adult when i first properly watched him but actually!! when i was eleven years old i’d sleep over at a friend’s house most weekends and it always coincided with the airing of a new season 5 episode and i remember we watched the finale with the dumb time hopping to get out of the box prison that was never explained and didn’t make sense and i thought at the time “this is really stupid”. and before that my only other doctor who exposure was watching the david tennant christmas specials with another friend and throughout childhood my only opinion on doctor who was “this is a tv show that is not for me but is one that all the boys i am friends with like so i will put up with it to maintain our friendships” but at least those episodes were both suspenseful and engaging enough to keep me watching all the way through. like who the fuck does an end of the world sci fi plot and approaches it with an “oopsy woopsy i am a funny little alien man who is going to stop you all by making you do a hecking silly” like it’s unneeded and self-parodies an already cheesy show to the point where it becomes unwatchable and makes it impossible to ever take this man seriously.

next thing that downright sucks ass so badly is the stupid fucking overwritten constantly escalating plotlines. like everything from season 5 up until his regeneration at the end of season 7 is meant to be this grand interconnected cosmic plot about how...the doctor trying to bring back his planet will end the universe or something so all the top powers across all of reality tried again and again to stop him from doing that except he doesn’t know what’s going on so he keeps thwarting these people who supposedly mean good?? i mean i sure don’t fucking know what they were trying to say!! like for some reason we never get the doctor suddenly becomes this superdemon that threatens everything so these people (whoever they are) decide to, in sequence: suck him through a time rift to erase him from existence, trap him in a prison and remake a universe without him, take his companion’s baby and turn her into a perfectly trained doctor killer, form two(!!) secret societies to hunt him throughout history that are only stopped by his companion splintering herself across his personal timeline to protect him, and repeatedly cause reality collapsing events because it’s a kinder outcome for the universe than what he will do. this grand and terrible event turns out to be...he spends a few hundred years chilling by a rift that leads to his home planet and protects a few generations of children from monsters which convinces them to give him infinite regeneration power then fuck off back to their pocket universe. and it’s like!! what is the point of anything that happens in this man’s era when everything is always “the darkest moment” or whatever the fuck!! i don’t care!! we never get a compelling reason to believe this bumbling clown of a man could ever be a universal threat!! the whole thing is so dumb i hate it!!!

thing number three i hate is how the eleventh doctor is ALSO characterised as this abrasive egotistic male supergenius to the point where he becomes genuinely indistinguishable from bbc sherlock. genuinely who enjoyed seeing this guy constantly tell people their tiny human minds can’t comprehend what he’s doing and then basically just wave his magic wand to solve whatever problem each episode is facing. 2012 is the year of human sin because this fucking shitsmear character archetype somehow became both a redditor role model AND a tumblr sexyman and it’s like!! nobody is enjoying this stop making this seem cool! him saying timey wimey thing any time he does anything is frustrating and dumb and locks the viewer out of giving a fuck about anything that is happening! smartest man in the room syndrome is a disease and the eleventh doctor is terminal with it. like remember how they established river as an accomplished scientist (when she wasn’t being a child soldier or a time paradox or whatever the fuck) and every time that came up mr doctor eleven man was like “oh this thing is obvious because i’m a genius and you didn’t realise because your brain is tiny so get out of the way and let the grownups think” or that time it turned out amy had been replaced with a slime clone for half the season and the doctor chewed rory (audience surrogate) out for somehow not realising this fact we didn’t know right from the start and like. this served no purpose other than to draw into severe question why the doctor is also this super beloved magical figure implicitly trusted by all children everywhere like. mr steven moffat is totally allergic to writing and solving mysteries in his tv show and fuck you for wanting to figure things out as you go along based on the new evidence you uncover at strategic plot intervals just let this asshole man use magical thinking to reveal he knew the answer all along and you’re a fucking idiot for not also realising this thing which had no basis or precedent anywhere else in the show.

speaking of dumb things let us not forget the absolute shitshow that was minority representation in this era. i’m not even talking about the low hanging fruit of how genuinely unironically sexist amy and clara were written where each episode moffat either seemed to loathe them or was incredibly horny over them and they had no character growth or arc or fucking anything. i’m talking about how fucking shit terrible the incidental representation was. god remember how every single fucking gay person who appeared in this era was written as one incredibly fucking stupid joke and how the women were all either sexy dominatrix, feeble girl in love, or Mother (or all three in some really terrible cases) and i’m not qualified to talk about this but also how incredibly white this era was and how on two separate occasions we had monarchs reimagined as sexy girlbosses with a gun played by black women who the doctor leched over. nothing about any of this was good ESPECIALLY coming off the back of rtd who was surprisingly forward thinking for 2005 and did a really good job of positing travel with the doctor as queer allegory. in comparison moffat gave us THE MOST heterosexual shlock i’ve ever had to endure. amy and rory could have been interesting characters were they not hemmed into this domestic bickering young straight married couple bullshit that was in no way changed or altered by traveling with the doctor except for the quasi incestuous river song reveal that was dumb and bad and stupid.

the last major mega gripe i have with the series is moffat’s fucking jingoistic boner for british military aesthetics. this carried over throughout his entire tenure as showrunner but was super terrible vomit inducing in eleven’s era. the unironic admiration for ww2 britain and winston churchill is downright wretched. are you incapable of telling a second world war story outside of churchill’s london and plucky blitz fighters. shit gives me hives so badly. and then!!! that weird church owned army that features in the future that end up being bad not for the concept of what basically amounts to an imperialistic intergalactic rendition of the fucking crusades but because they’re part of the nonsense go nowhere puzzlebox narrative that says the doctor is a not good man who will do bad things to the universe :(. remember how rtd’s doctor was a freshly traumatised man hot off the war criminal press who time and time again vehemently refuses to engage in military violence, but who tragically inadvertently turns every one of his companions into soldiers in his own personal army, and he has this moment of complete horror at the realisation and it is this which causes the downward spiral that ends in 10′s regeneration. and then how there’s this cringe line about how there’s a force of people who are “the doctor’s army, always ready to fight his battles when he’s not around” or some shit and then it turns out this is actually massive literal military operation and we’re meant to celebrate this. fuck off.

bonus round because this needs to be said but i have never hated anything like i hated that fucking human tardis episode. everything about it induced violent anger in me from the sickening overindulgence of that softgoth dark whimsy helena bonham carter tim burton aesthetic to the bafflingly terrible evil carny stereotype of those junk scavengers to the overblown sudden tragic shipbait romance of human tardis and the doctor. every word out of her mouth was trite shit and the fact that the death of her body was presented as this super emotional dramatic scene despite there being no buy in or incentive to care and the fact that every single person on tumblr in 2012 ate that shit up like it was fucking gourmet. i loathe every single thing about that episode so much.

#Anonymous #hi bestie here's 1500 words of me getting mad about the worst television experience i had in my life #why the FUCK was this man tumblr's favourite back in the day. what the fuck did anyone see in any of this shit #i never want to think about dr whom ever again

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nightcoremoon · 3 years

Text

so for the first time I saw batman: the killing joke.

...

it was okay I guess. but massively overrated. I expected some fucking masterpiece of cinema but instead it was just two unrelated short films that were more style and flash than substance.

so first off, barbara's storyline was mediocre. franz wasn't a compelling villain; just a creep, and a trust fund brat. oh wow he's a mafia kid who stole his family's fortune by hacking. if it was the falcone family I'd have cared more but it wasn't so it's just some faceless deathfodder rando. who gives a shit. the whole situation was just a vehicle to shove batman's dick into babs. which kinda fucks over bruce's character here and judging by the timeline kinda makes him a bit of a groomer, yikes. bruce and gordon have known each other since bruce was a young boy and we know that bruce is way older than babs so yeah bruce totally knew her from birth until present day, he literally utilized an active power dynamic to police her crimefighting activities, and he should have fucking known better and stopped her when she kissed him because it would (and did) compromise their professional dynamic, but hey, batdick. and at least barbara recognized that she was behaving emotionally rather than logically when it came to bruce and paris and took the high road out. that would be a serviceable standalone episode to write her on a bus in a serialization but THIS IS A MOVIE. so for a waste of an already short runtime it's like having an appetizer before your meal but instead of something like a crab cake before stuffed flounder, you get greasy onion petals that are more fried batter than onion before getting a well done cheeseburger that's just a glorified hockey puck on a sponge with a kraft single on top. the animation and vocal delivery were excellent of course, not gonna disparage that aspect, so it was well made, but the writing was just not very good. a polished turd. quantic dream must have developed it then because it feels like I watched a david cage production.

so in a 78 minute movie, five of which were the credits, we had a half hour Disney/Pixar short except those bring joy and this brought boring. also there were a lot of shots of her ass tits and underwear that were obnoxiously male-gazey and there was a token gay for the sole purpose of dangling a carrot on a stick for the queers. look kids, warner brothers and dc comics cares about the lgbts! give us money! a waste of time before the real reason why anyone came to see the movie that literally only exists to pad out the runtime to make it a feature length (even though paying a full ticket would've been a total ripoff because, again, IT WAS ONLY 78. even 9 was 81 minutes long and that had an amazing storyline so I forgave it, but 78 minutes? ugh.

also, GOTHAM RAGE??? CRINGE. SO CRINGE.

alright now for the joker segment.

*ahem*

what the fuck? that sucked! *throws tomato*

mark hamill and the joker's lines and the art and the cinematography and the choreography was all good and the plot was cohesive. I get it.

but holy shit was the writing weak as fuck.

okay so some rando breaks the J-ster out of Arkham (already unlikely but ugh whatever), he didn't turn a trick or recruit or anything, he just went to purchase a carnival. or, steal one. but wait, he DID recruit, but he went to get all of the stereotypical Circus Freak™ stereotypes. little people, fat lady, bearded lady, wolf man, strongman, diaper man (wait, what?), and the two headed woman. I guess if you don't really think about why all of them were super readily available in the outskirts between arkham and gotham [i just realized they both end with -am] then it makes enough sense. and then literally right after that HE RECRUITS SOME GUYS TO HELP HIM KIDNAP GORDON. and then strips and photographs barbara. um. ew. you can tell the writer and director were men. Alan Moore is constantly molesting women in his comics and this one trick pony should be put down already. but whatever. the plot is weak and it only gets saved by the flashback sequences.

oh.

oh no.

they're not that great.

he's a failed unfunny comedian who just wants some money to move his wife to a better house so he turns to thievery with the mob. OR YOU COULD JUST STOP GOING TO THE BAR AND BLOWING IT ALL ON BOOZE. I mean the cops knew where to find him after all so clearly he's a repeat customer (or moore is a bad plot writer who relies on convenience and shut the fuck up and don't critically analyze it). alright so he gets wrapped up in the mob to perform a heist on a playing card factory. GET IT, BECAUSE HE'S THE JOKER??? and he uses the moniker of the red hood to retain his anonymity. I expected the mobsters to be working for francisco but no the paris storyline was only cooked up screenplay for passing the runtime so why would they do something clever and interesting and make the film cohesive? that'd be really stupid to make the movie feel more like one movie and not two short films. at least when grindhouse & planet terror did it they advertised themselves as an anthology film. whatever. he falls in the vat of acid which melts the red hood to his face and I gotta say that's actually a pretty good idea to get his face white and his hair green and his lips red. I like that part. oh wait I forgot about the most important part! his wife gets shoved in the refrigerator. OH WOW THAT'S JUST SO COMPELLING AND ORIGINAL, TOTALLY NOT SOMETHING THAT ALREADY HAPPENED TO GREEN LANTERN. TWICE. although she wasn't literally shoved into a literal refrigerator like alex was. rip in frozen pieces you absolute legend of a trope namer. alright, so... so the joker is sad because his wife died. you know, the wife we saw for two minutes and knew the moment we saw her drenched in sepia she was gonna die. and she died offscreen. kyle's gf died and he was fine. gordon's wife died and he was fine. batman's parents both died and he was fine. oh boo hoo someone I love died! fuck off. I am so goddamn sick of people trying to justify their evil with "I was sad once". it's a stupid trope and it's not compelling. the only valid version is doctor doofenshmirtz' evil(er) version in the PF movie because it's hilarious that it's because of a toy train because that's the emotional depth that fridgewomen is treated with in all of these storylines. but at least batman said so. oh yeah, I almost totally forgot, batman's in this movie.

batman punches people and nonlethally takes them out. by suffocating them and letting them get stabbed and throwing them into pits of spikes and HEY WAIT A GODDAMN SECOND! okay let's just ignore that bit and hope that the little people squeezed between the gaps in the spikes and the strongman could breathe in the face mask and the two headed women had KO gas and the fat lady was fat enough that the knives only stabbed her cellulite. it wouldn't be the biggest reach one would have to make in watching this fucking disaster of a plot mess.

now I did like that it was actually batman, and by that I mean he gave a shit about the insane because he recognizes that mental illness is not a cause of dangerous or criminal behavior, just a potential exacerbating factor if it wasn't treated. yeah he brutalized mobsters and crime lords but they were mostly in self defense while gathering intel. he politely asked sal maroni and the sex workers for information and they gave it to him without violence- he manhandled maroni but only after he reached into his pocket for a cigar which could've been a gun. also batman says sex work should be decriminalized if only by not ratting them out to the cops. he was a genuinely good person in the second half of the movie. too bad it was ruined by the shitty first half that made him a borderline groomer.

joker's song was... bad. mark hamill performed his ass off but the song wasn't that good. it just tried to be willy wonka if he was a voyeuristic monster. oh yeah have the only girl character be paralyzed stripped and photographed only to give her father ManPain™. again... the fuck? joker and batman were both gross but, again. male writers. if it was a one-off I could drop a thermian argument because, alright one and done makes sense, especially 1988 standards. but it saturated and soured the entire goddamn movie because of abhorrent pacing decisions. so you're goddamn right I'm gonna bring it up twice! joker was a creep, his plan was dumb, nolan and burton and lord/miller and even ayer had better motivations. YES I AM SAYING THAT JARED LETO'S JOKER HAD BETTER WRITING THAN MARK HAMILL'S JOKER. not nearly to the level of ledger nicholson or galifanakis but hamill didn't have a lot to work with here and I maintain that his performance was amazing; honestly I like his the best out of all of them but just... not here. but I think I can cut some slack to firelord ozai and luke skywalker even if he just phoned it in here which he didn't. writing was just weak. and that's all there is to it. don't anon me and threaten to remove my bones ok?

alright so batman and joker fought and joker got the upper hand and was gonna kill him but it was a prop gun. haha. they had a heart to heart and batman tells joker that he wants to help him get better, even after joker killed robin and molested barbara and traumatized gordon and did countless other travesties, he still said he would help. but joker said no, and told a joke that was good enough to make batman laugh. and then the credits rolled.

...

what a completely pointless and empty ending. oh it's deep and meaningful and poignant? ok sure, I guess, movie, but you didn't earn that. shyamalan did the same thing a dozen times. that doesn't make him any less of a shit writer.

I can understand the concept of batman laughing at joker's joke, humanizing him.

I get it. I see what they tried to do. I respect it.

but this movie was massively overhyped and overrated and I expected it to be so much better than it was. but overall to me it was just another batman cartoon to throw on top of the pile. maybe it was influential to graphic novels. maybe it shaped batman into what he is today. it published right as tim burton's movie and I can respect its place in the pantheon of comic history. but sometimes things that are classic...

aren't that great.

citizen kane, casablanca, the maltese falcon, the treasure of the sierra madre, gone with the wind, singing in the rain, all of them are classic and legendary pieces of art. but they're just not that good, interesting, appealing, watchable, or FUN. they were good at the time- I mean come on we all know them today- but on going back you'd have to really appreciate the finer details to still love the movies today. and this belongs there, in the vault, to be appreciated from afar. influential if dated.

but god am I still disappointed nonetheless.

TL;DR

it was just okay. had some good ideas, had some really bad ideas, had some ugly stuff. overall mediocre. first half 5/10, second half 7/10, overall 6/10.

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poopy-pants-gremlin · 3 years

Text

My account of watching Twilight for the 2nd time in my life

I saw Twilight once when it came out, when I was a small bean, and I thought it was stupid. I'm now rewatching it as a sad 20yearold with my Mum

- 17:32 started frantically giggling at the prospect of the mytosis scene

-35:20 "Mum you didn't tell me this was a scary movie!!!" "It's really not, fluffybois"

- 50:56 burst out uncontrollably laughing at the "vampire" scene because I thought of this meme I saw one time that said

"I know what you are"

"Say it"

"FROB"

And then it was just a real chunky frog

Had to pause it to calm down

-51:50 more frantic giggling because glitter boy is coming

Mum said that she can't believe she loved this movie when it came out and she can't take the cringe so she's going to bed LIKE A COWARD

-51:56 FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT THE PIGGY BACK, OH LAWD THEY ZOOMIN, NEARLY CHOKED ON MY BICCY!!!!

-56:03 GIVE ME LESBIAN WEREWOLF TWILIGHT, THIS IS THE SAPPY "OWO NO IM A MONSTER UWU" SHIT I WANT!!!

-1:01:38 this background music slaps

-1:11:50 got to have a pee break, I think I might be genuinely enjoying the romance of twilight and I don't know how I feel about that

-1:15:03 oh honey nooo, don't do that, don't show up on the bed, knovk first! Throw something at the window at least!

-1:19:44 yeeeaaahhh been waiting for this song , didn't think it would be during a baseball scene

I forgot the short brown haired girl's name but I would die for her

-1:38:53 ok but, this.. but they're werewolves... And it's gay???????

-1:43:51 my man just pretending to be asleep to hear the goss, same bitch

-1:50:18 ok THIS is the only scene I remember, I'd always walk in at the end when other people watched it and make comments about how boys are gross and romance is dumb. And then I'd be so fucking confused by the lady on the stairs

This song slaps though *starts off key singing flightless bird*

-1:52:03 "so that's what you dream about, being a monster" hell yeah man being a werewolf would fuckin slap! I'm on about the self aware kind not the accidentally eat your best friend kind. I'd put up with excruciating pain every full moon to piss about as a werewolf that would be rad as hell

Fun fact, when I was in year 5 I convinced myself and then my friend that I was a werewolf and also a witch, I wholeheartedly believed it

-1:54:16 ok I still don't get it, that's the lady from the evil vampires right? Why is she at school? Who let her in? Why is she done up but wearing the same jacket?

Ok so my thoughts on Twilight, I liked it. It's dumb but also the sappy supernatural romance I crave. I've been thinking about getting Life and Death and tipexing out any reference to Bella's gender being changed to make it lesbian Twilight and honestly after the movie I probably am (but it's past midnight now, and we aren't aloud the purse late at night after the incident)

#gay twilight #twilight renaissance #twilight

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zuffer-weird-girl · 4 years

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I gotta know what Kai meeting his SO's family would be like. How would he react if one of his SO's family tried to get her to break up with him, ditch their wedding, or try to get them divorced.

I hope you guys don't get bothered with this type... sorry, if anything I will make one different or headcanons if its more complicated

It has been a year and eight months already that he was dating you, and things were only getting more... intimate.

He even let you meet Pops. POPS out of all people... he didn't liked to remind that day but at least the elder liked you... a lot actually, for even telling embarrassing stories about a very young Chisaki...

He never felt his face burning with such passion after that day...

So he knew that he was taking seriously this relationship... although, there was your family as well, which he never saw once.

You did mentioned about them from time to time but actually saw or in person or in video calls? Nope. Never.

You lived alone but your parents still lived on the same country, but yet, really far away from you. But every once in a while you would visit them or for the holidays or some urgency that ghey would call you.

He tried mentioning them on the topic once in a conversation, but you merely responded with a laugh and 'they are loud and sometimes a bit too much excited with things, you wouldn't atture them for too long trust me.'

He was... slightest offended at that one. He convived with Mimic, so what is loud in comparation with that man?

Conveniently, one time where he proposed the idea of a date night you sadly had to decline, saying that you needed to go to a family gathering.

Perfect. He thought.

"Need company?" He asked while you were still tidying up your bag.

"Kai, love, I know you worry a lot about me, buy no way in hell Kurono will come with me in my family reunion. They might think he is my boyfriend instead." His eye twitched at the disgusting mention before he sighed to regain his calm.

"Stupid, I'm talking about me accompanying you." He growled while looking for his dress shirt.

You looked at him with wide eyes before smirking, lifting one of your eyebrows up.

"You? My family? Together? On a family gathering no less?" He nodded numbly, sighing in relief of seing his shirt neatly clean and ironed.

"You have the courage?" He sended you a hot glare after he put on his shirt.

"What do you mean with this? Its just a bunch of people, not some... whatever it makes someone be afraid of."

You giggled before successfully forcing your bag to close.

"Just asking, just asking." You smiled up at him, feeling that bit of anxiousness and excitement at the same time. "Only if you want to."

"If I offered is because I want to. Is simple." He went to pick his tie but you had placed your hand in front of it, preventing him to take it.

He arched an eyebrow in irritation before you explained.

"Is a barbecue... not a extremely expensive event..."

"I see. Can I at least grab my jacket if you wouldn't mind oh angel of my?" He asked sarcastically, deadpanning at your 'sure' and ignoring the blush om his cheeks when you kissed his covered nose.

"Look at who is!" Your sister yelled from the door, caming to give you a hug before looking up and down at yourself wjth a teasing smile.

"Didn't change the slightest!"

"Neither you sis." You sighed before Chisaki got up from his seat and closed the door of the car, looking around numbly.

Your sister gasped before pushi g you close to her to whispwr in your ear.

"Who is that?!"

"My boyfriend. Keep your eyes to your husband will you?" You said, hidding the hint of jealousy on your teasing tone of voice.

Chisaki aproached you and nodded silently at your sister who was elbowing your arm a bit too much.

Is she sick? Stop elbowing my angel.

"Uh.. this is my older sister, (S/N)." Before you could even introduce your boyfriend properly a pair of huge arms enveloped in your waist and lifted you up from behind making you yelp.

"Hey shorty! So long that you didn't appeared!" The man laughed along with you.

Chisaki's hands immediately turned to fists as his eyes went murderous looking at scene in front of him.

Who was this filth who even dared to rouch his angel in front of him in such a way? Didn't he liked living?

"Oi! You're going to break her!" The woman yelled before the man smiled teasingly at her and putted you down.

"I swear to God you're almost broked my ribcage at that hug...ouch." you whined placing a hand on your side while the man finally noticed Chisaki's presence, he also didn't miss the murderous look on his eyes.

"Yo! Taking by seing the situacion here you are her boyfriend right? Nice meeting ya!" The man went to shook hands with Chisaki before you grabbed and placed back down, noticing how your boyfriend's gloves weren't in his hands anymore.

He spoke coudly "And who are you supposed to be?"

The man laughed, ignoring Chisaki's comments, while rubbing the back of his neck.

"Older brother. (B/N) (L/N) to be more specific about it." He turned to you with a apologetic smile before pointing to one car "Sorry sis but I have to get back home."

"It's alright. I bet both of you are busy, but thanks for showing it." You smiled at both of them before they sayed their goodbyes.

Chisaki stared before looking at you in question.

"These were only my older siblings, there's one more inside... if she even came in the first place."

"They are usually this... touchy?"

You nodded before laughing at the irritated and rather regretful expression of his.

"Relax Kai." You offered your hand which he surprisingly grabbed. "They are not going to touch you if you or me say to not do it... I hope."

"You hope? How comforting. If it happens a murder here is not my fault."

"You're not killing anyone of my family!"

"It was a joke." He said monoustly before daring to step closer to that house.

It wasn't. It wasn't a joke. He was serious.

"Your family is the reason why the population is overloading..." he growled in disgust close to you in pure annoyance and evidently very uncomfortable about what happened.

How the fuck could so many people fit in one place and be so LOUD? LOUDER THAN MIMIC?!

He never so desperately wanted to hold hands with you in all his life because dear god if someone touched him and you weren't close...

First he met, ironically, was your father... the man first commented was about his fucking jacket. Out of all things. Not even 'who is the man?' or 'good afternoon. Who are you?; no, the bastard just preferred to say

"Honey what the hell is this friend of yours wearing it? And why the fuck this mask dude? You're part of a gang or something?"

"Yaku-" he went to correct whole trying to hold back his anger before you slapped your dad's arm.

"Dad." you growled threateningly at your father which he only asked why the irritation.

Then after he met your grandparents... your grandfather seemed... to catch pretty quick aho was your boyfriend.

"Hey aren't ya that leader from the mafia or something?" He whispered to not catch much attention. You mentally faced palmed while Chisaki nodded.

"Ah I see. So you guys still rob a lot of mon-"

"That is business talk which I guess it wouldn't be on your interest neither it is my obligation to tell you something."

Your grandma snorted at that while the old man scoffed in offense.

"I like this one dear." He heard her whisper in your ear.

...this one? Excuse him old lady he had a fucking name.

Then your mother... which had to ask his name and try to hug him as a greeting.

"Woah woah! Mom you can't just hug a person without knowing them!" You exclaimed as you luckily prevented a catastrophe.

"Well of course I don't know him since you mever actually brought him here once. So-" she returned her attention at Chisaki with a huge smile "What's your name sweety? She never spoke your name, only 'my boyfriend this' 'my boyfriend that'..."

First he had cringed at that cursed nickname, them he looked at you silently requesting your help.

"Call me Overhaul." You almost snorted at that one and at the face of your mother.

"That's... not a actual na-"

"Anyway! Come on lets see more of the house shall we?" You thankfully had dragged him out of there.

So there you both were now after MANY INTRODUTIONS, hidded in one room while he tried to ragain his calm and relaxed posture.

"You know we can get out of here, right? I know you aren't confortable with this."

"...Honestly I don't see what's the matter with my jacket for the first place and what if Overhaul was actually my name?" He mumbled more to himself than to you before breathing in and out slowly and getting up from the couch.

"I had worse than this." He commented before he standed his hand for you to get up "But I have to admit it that having you by my side is much... comforting."

"Same my devil." You smiled affectionately at him before nuzzling on his neck as he carresed your hair lovingly.

"You call him your devil?" A child's voice manifested, making you yelp and Chisaki to glare daggers at the kid.

"So that means he is evil, so you can't date my cousin." The boy pointed ul at Chisaki whose merely lifted one of his eyebrows.

"Like you have the power to decided what either me or my partner do with our lifes, midget." You frowned up at him receiving a scoff and his hold on you getting tighter.

He didn't like kids very much... never felt much comfortable about it.

"Uh... What's a midget?" He deadoanned at the kid.

Were they supposed to be this dumb or was this only one?

You had to go to the bathroom. You had to leave him standing awkwardly on a wall, begging silently for you to come back before someone cane over to try to have a shitty talk or even worse... a kid asking for him to play with them.

No way in hell.

The unfortunate happenrd when that father of yours approached him and sigh while holding a beer besides him, thankfully not touching.

"So... what are your intentions with my doll?" He choked on his own saliva at that.

What type of question was that?! And so out of no where no less?!

"Did you already... touch them or something?" He lowered his tone of voice while Chisaki merely lifted his eyebrow up.

Was... Was this... supposed to scare him? This?

Seriously?

"For your knowledge, this information is extremely personal and I guess you're not exactly on the right on trying to get this out of me at this failed attempt of intimidation. And just to be clear, I am only aturing this hell hole because of my angel so I would actually appreciate if you don't have those types of comments around me. That is disgusting." He said calmly yet coldly, like he was speaking in a meeting, not with the father of his partner.

Your father oppened his mouth for a moment in surprise before closing it again and repeating his actions for a while. Before laughing. ..

Was this guy sick inthe head or something?

"You have guts. I like that. Especially when my quirkless daughter need someone to protect and care for her." His eye twitched in irritation before he spotted you.

"Angel thank god you're back." He thanked the heavens at seing you again and getting out of that conversation as soon as possible.

"Huh?"

"Remember when you offered to go away? I will take that. Now." He grabbed your hand and dragved you to the door while you giggled at the wide stares.

"Bye everyone! See you soon!"

"We're not coming back for Thanksgiving." He growled to you in disgust while you whispered back, still trying to contain your laugh.

"Definitely not. It's a mess."

#overhaul scenario #overhaul x reader #overhaul headcanons #fanfic overhaul #overhaul #chisaki kai imagine scenario #kai chisaki x reader #chisaki kai x reader #kai chisaki #chisaki kai #bnha chisaki #bnha imagine #bnha x reader #bnha characters #bnha villains #bnha #bnha imagines #my writing #zuffer writingz

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cubeswhump · 4 years

Text

Whumpmas in July Day 14

Tumblr deleted this when I was nearly done and I want to cry. So take two at @whumpmasinjuly day 14. Tagging five people because I love them all way too much to leave any of them out.

@ocsickficsideblog Is sickfic whump? Well, she's written some good ass whump too. And Alistair is the only man I have ever loved (not romantically though. He's too dumb). And Jasper and his trauma is soooo good. Coming to terms that his mom wasn't perfect. Learning to live without her. And Alistair and his aggression and hot temper. Learning to calm down and fearing being like his dad. Turning out to be more of a stupid dork than a violent thug. And fucking Julius who shows love is blind and doesn't realize he's dating the biggest idiot. Her writing is SO FUCKING GOOD and she has a really good way of showing trauma and recovery. I'll be first in line to buy her novels. Fighting through the crowd at a book signing even though I'm currently texting her. April's #1 fan. Plus she's a fucking awesome friend and I love her. Got me to rediscover my love for writing when my motivation was burning in Hell.

@ashintheairlikesnow Dude. Amazing. I never thought I'd enjoy BBU stories but Chris converted me. I binge-read Danny's full story in like a day and I'm dying (but also dreading) to know what happens to Ora. Bram made me cringe so bad. So good at writing despicable villains. Bram, Branch, Grant. Evil. Fuckfaces. But then there's Ashley. I am madly in love with Ashley and that makes me concerned about my taste in women. Does a great job at showing recovery and then throwing more misery at him and we all love to hate her for it. Seriously, so fucking good.

@haro-whumps I was initially opposed to reading the whole legalized slavery thing but I am loving their Group Whumpees series. I would die for Nyla and Lilah, and I love all the slaves. Greyson needs to take a mental health day, poor dude. I want all the slaves to be happy and free. Along with initially being skeptical of Galo. A dude who approves of a system that denies rights to people based on the parents they're born to?? But he grew on me. God, that sounds bad out of context. I'm enjoying watching Galo navigate through and deal with family ties and trauma of people he's never thought about, trying to be wise and rational when all this is thrust on him. Rot in Hell, Bethany. P.S. I'm amazed to see your art progress and improvement. I freaking adore your drawings of Rat and Bijou.

@whumping-every-day was one of the first blogs I followed. I followed for the vampire whump and stayed for awesome writing. Writes trauma and recovery really, really well. And the whump is brutal. Poor Mutt. Poor Ash. Poor Gabriel. And the vampire healing system, how they need blood to heal and Ash was given only enough blood to stay alive? Dude, fuck. Good whump. And public torture makes me cringe so bad but I love it. And the doctor talking about Mutt still breaks my heart. I'm loving all these series. And I'm in love with Pasha.

@albino-whumpee THEIR ART?? IS SO GOOD??? I scroll through their blog and just stare at the art. Equal parts envy and admiration. Do I want to be you or be staring at your art in a gallery? Expert. Won't be surprised if they're a graphic novel illustrator or a professional animator/storyboard artist in a few years. Or days. Their art is that good. The emotions in the expressions. I'm autistic and have trouble gauging emotion based on facial expression but in their drawings it's clear as day. Fear is palpable, joy is obvious and radient. And that you draw so much of this good shit for free is astonishing. People should be paying thousands for a portrait made by you at an auction. And the stories with Ray. There's so little but I want it so bad. Cold jerk with a good heart. And a doctor? Ecen better! Just you wait. You're making fan art for everyone else but you're gonna receive some mediocre fan art from me in the near future. Also I stare at that drawing of Maribel for several hours a day.

#whumpmasinjuly #i'm in love with everyone on this list #positivity #rambling

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heartofsnark · 4 years

Text

This Is Love (Chapter Four): Through The Gates

Notes: We’re inching closer and closer to the Seed’s arrival, I know it’s a slow burn to the game events, but I’m enjoying building up to it and hope it will make the impact of it all just that much more meaningful.

Word Count: 9098

Chapter Warnings: Cursing, Belligerent Drunk Man, Drug Overdose, Pratt and Dahlia being dumbasses

For chapter one and the warnings about this fics overarching themes, please click here!

For the previous chapter; click here!

A tall bearded man is on her porch; leaning against the railing. The familiar snake tattoos that curl down his forearms give him away; Lonny. The Eden’s Gate member who showed at the station to give her and Whitehorse a hard time. What is he doing at her trailer? There’s no reason for him to be here.

“Can I help you?” She asks, raising an eyebrow as she steps up onto the porch.

“Just figured I’d stop by, make a friendly visit to the new deputy,” he expression is somewhere between a smile and a predator baring its teeth.

“And, how exactly did you figure out where I live?”

“Small place, loose lips, word spreads fast.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, now, if we’re done with this ‘friendly’ visit-”

“Word spreads especially fast within our congregation, when someone starts arresting our members.”

“Maybe, your congregation members shouldn’t commit crimes?”

“The law of man matters little compared to the law of god.”

“Well, I get paid to enforce the law of man, so unless god starts signing my paychecks, I’ll be sticking to that.”

“Greed isn’t a pretty sin.”

Goosebumps prickle and creep up her skin at the word sin, making her throat tight, as the word settles over her. Memories of her stepfather claw at the back of her mind, phantom pain of beatings past making her body ache, the guilt and shame of being a sinner pitting in her stomach. She digs her nails into the palms of her hands and grits her teeth.

“Yes, so greedy, as you can tell, I mean just look around, ” she gestures around the dilapidated trailer park, “the used needles a foot away from the kiddy slide cost me extra, but I think they really bring the place together.”

“Charming.”

“I do try.”

“Look, I’ll make this stupidly simple, for you,” Lonny creeps closer, nearly standing on her, glowering down at her, “don’t step on our toes and we won’t step on yours.”

“Is that so?” She grins and literally steps on Lonny’s toes, crushing her boot down as hard as she can, until he finally grunts in pain and takes a step back.

“Don’t make a problem out of yourself, deputy….” His dark eyes flicker around, until finally landing on the shed behind her trailer, “that where you keep your bike?”

“Maybe, maybe not, whats it to you?”

“You know, a little generosity goes a long way to mending relationships, deputy. That motorcycle of yours would be a nice little gift to the flock and most importantly, me.”

“Get bent.”

“It’s important that we all do our part, deputy. That everyone gives a little, so that we all can flourish. As we inch closer and closer to the brink; that becomes even more important. What’s yours is mine, so, which is more important, keeping your motorcycle or helping others?”

He’s in her space again, hand reaching out and squeezing her shoulder in a pseudo-friendly gesture; that not even almost friendly smile on his face again.

“I’d sooner watch the world rot than give up that bike. Now, get the fuck off my property.”

She shoves his hand off her shoulder and marches into her trailer; slamming the door shut behind her. Dahlia could scream, could tear apart her entire trailer in rage. Where the hell does that guy get off? Demanding her bike; the motorcycle she slaved over. Her and Lloyd rebuilt that thing from nearly scratch after his son wrecked it; left it abandoned in their shed, a muddle heap of metal left to gather dust. She helped rebuild it; just a project at the time, something to keep busy while she was waiting to see if she got accepted to the police academy, meant to stave off the anxiety. And when it was done, perfectly functional and shining like it was brand new, Lloyd told her to keep it, she deserved it.

There’s not a lot of things Dahlia’s felt she earned; feeling every success has been a fluke, a mistake, a moment of luck. But, she earned that bike. She nearly fought Lloyd’s son when he visited that holiday season; trying to reclaim the bike now that it was fixed and she refused. Lloyd sided with her; because she earned it. Because she put the work and hours into it. And she’ll be damned if she’s going to let some bearded zealot barge in and demand she give it up.

The more she learns about Eden’s Gate, the less she likes them. Stealing booze, trying to take her bike, trying to scare her. She needs a cigarette; she decides and pulls the pack from her pocket; only to find it empty. Damn it. Dahlia starts digging through tossed aside pairs of pants and jackets; she has to have a half empty pack somewhere. She grabs up her duffle bag, still mostly unpacked other than what she’s worn or used this week, rummaging through the pockets for a pack of cigarettes.

A crumpled piece of something brushes against her hand and she yanks it out; only to find a scrunched up white pamphlet. She straightens it out a bit and groans when she reads the front; Eden’s Gate, We Love You surrounding a cross like symbol. Why is this group all over everything?

Giving up on finding a cigarette somewhere in her mess; Dahlia changes into some comfy clothes and plops herself down on the couch, turning the small tv on as background noise more than anything. She finds herself fiddling with that pamphlet again, placed aside before she changed.

Dahlia opens it; if this damn group is going to haunt all her days here, she might as well read their crap. It seems to be fairly standard religious fare. Casted out? Rejected by society? Try Jesus. Take a leap of faith, wash away your sins, confess, atone, and become stronger by joining their family. There are mentions of how corrupt the world is and how it’s all going to end; nice appeals to fear mongering, always have to appreciate that approach. Every word of the dribble reminds her of darker days, of her step father and his asinine sermons. The type of people who’d probably make a PSA about how Dungeons and Dragons is satanic, Harry Potter should be burned at the stake, and Pokemon is an evil atheist agenda to push evolutionary theory on kids.

The leader; man bun guy, calls himself The Father. Those goosebumps and bad memories come back. She knows assuming that all strongly religious people are like her step-father isn’t the best practice. But mentions of sin and calling himself something regarding father, just… doesn’t help.

He calls his siblings heralds; a sister and two brothers.

Her eyes glaze over as she absorbs the same crap she's had spewed at her for years, thoughts of making a donation to planned parenthood in their name pass through her mind. She doesn’t know for certain if the group is pro-life, but one can assume. The picture on the second page of the little pamphlet catches her eye and she sputters out a laugh.

Who the hell runs the PR for this church?

First the creepy statue, then the serial killer-esque drawing on him to open their book, and now a family portrait so awkward she might cringe herself into a coma. Three men and a woman; siblings according to the text. Man bun is in a chair in the middle; not even making eye contact with the camera. The woman, Faith, the siren she’s seen at the hotel and accidentally grabbed outside the diner is on the floor beside the chair. She looks annoyed, like a teenager being dragged to an awkward family dinner. Behind them are the two brothers. One with slicked back dark hair in a coat that appears to be covered in planes; which is… a look. And the other a mountain of a human compared to his sibling; ginger hair with the sides shaved, in camouflage, holding a red rifle.

It all looks ridiculous, from their expressions to their poses. Whoever thought this was a good way to market them is the epitome of human stupidity. Dahlia crumples the little pamphlet and tosses it into the trash; thankful for a laugh to cap off her night. She spends an hour or so watching tv, drifting off to sleep on the couch as she’s done every night.. Eyelids growing heavier and heavier with each second, until black blankets her mind.

Her bladder wakes her up during the middle of the night, causing her to turn and flop around, rubbing sleep from her eyes. She stares at the ceiling contemplating if she has to pee bad enough to warrant making herself physically stand up; the effort feeling herculean in the bleary twilight hours of the night.

“What if I told you, you could be free of sin,” a male voice drifts from the tv and she groans; this shit again?

She sits up on the couch, sliding down onto the floor with the clumsiness of her sleep leaden body. On her tv, at four am, amid commercials for sexy single phone lines is an infomercial for Eden’s Gate.

One of the brothers; the one with slicked back hair in the plane coat, John Seed as the text on screen tells her. He dramatically talks about how all you have to do is say Yes, the power of Yes, walking around what looks like a red carpet covered in flowers; terraces laced with them around him, a crowd gathered around as he talks.

Is he the reason for the Hollywood style YES sign in the valley?

The crowd around him starts to chant the word yes; he’s saying ‘yes, I will be saved’, ‘yes, I will confess’, ‘yes, I will atone.’ And he gestures upwards; revealing a lit up sign of the word YES and she bursts out laughing; her stomach aching and her bladder upset with her for it. Once her laughter subsides, she does what any good decent young adult would do. She rewinds it to the start of the infomercial, grabs her phone from the table, and records the cringefest to post online before finally going to the bathroom.

She goes back to sleep after, still cracking up about this dumb religion and their dumb advertisement.

Dahlia wakes up around noon or so the next day, checking her phone while still curled up in the couch. The post of the religious cringe has gotten some traction; someone making a reaction gif out of the guy gesturing to the yes sign. Jokes about how the guy must get off on the word yes, how insane it must have felt to be working on this, ‘imagine having a grown man in a plane coat telling you to chant yes while he dramatically touches his own tit’. The internet truly is a beautiful place sometimes.

She stretches out her muscles and decides to call the clinic, the one she gave info about to Tweak. Dahlia wants to make sure he actually reached out and didn’t just use her good graces to avoid trouble and call it done.

“Hey, I’m Deputy Hale of the Hope County Sheriff’s department, I referred someone to contact your clinic about rehabilitation. I was calling to see if they contacted you.”

“Of course, could I have their name?”

“Aaron Kirby.”

“Yes, we did receive a call from Aaron Kirby, he’s been placed on our waitlist as our drug counseling services are currently at capacity and we can’t take on any more clients.”

“Understood, thank you.”

She sighs; she can’t fault him for that. Hopefully, they’ll be able to get him in soon. Dahlia stretches, making her back pop, now what to do with the rest of her day. Maybe it’s Lonny trying to take her bike or maybe it’s the mention of those Clutch Nixon stunts yesterday; but she has an itch to go riding and do some stupid shit.

A quick shower and change of clothes; then she’s grabbing her helmet.

Music reverberating in her skull, the rev of her motorcycle engine beneath her, the wind whipping around her, and she’s healed from everything if only for a moment. Dancing and riding her bike are the only things to do this for her; or maybe it’s the music itself that does. But when her blood is pumping, her ears are ringing, and her throat is raw from screaming along to the songs; nothing else matters.

She’s not lonely as she takes a sharp turn right at the chorus.

She’s not sad or pathetic as she cruises down the road, passing cars.

She’s not a disgusting sinner as she takes one of the paths that goes through the woods.

She’s not rejected, worthless, and tossed aside as she hits one of the many ramps across the county, catching air before hitting the ground again.

Everything is pure chaos and adrenaline in her veins; no room for guilt or doubt or

Deer. Big deer, in the road, it isn’t moving.

She hits the brakes; the sudden jerk of a stop, pushing her body forward, losing her grip and being ejected forward. Dahlia hits the ground in a heap, head rattling but thankfully not split on the road. She forces herself to roll over on her back, body aching in protest. Her eyes close and she takes deep breaths, trying to gather herself.

Something fuzzy pushes against her hand, glancing down to see the large deer sniffing at her. It’s no worse for wear, so that’s good at least. She forces herself to sit up, body protesting, and she peels her helmet off. The deer shuffles back a little but when she extends a hand it tentatively presses against it. She scratches its nose.

“You’re very lucky you’re cute.” She digs around in her pockets, finding a pack of crackers, she always has food on her if she can help it and she offers the deer a cracker. It eats from her hand. Maybe she’s just trying to avoid moving her bruised body, but she spends a few moments finishing the little pack with the deer before finally forcing herself to stand.

Her motorcycle is in good shape, a little scuff on the side, but nothing she can’t buff out if needed. Dahlia’s baby remains the most stable part of her life. She rides it back to her trailer, a bit more carefully. She’s managed to burn through most of the day with her reckless bullshit.

She calls Lloyd and Caroline that night; telling them about her first week, skirting around details that might sadden them. Going to the F.A.N.G Center is reduced to just going there, nothing of being overwhelmed and leaving. No mentions of Pratt tricking her when she talks about Peaches, just an old lady with a cougar Dahlia got to carry. No mention of being left out everytime Pratt and Hudson go to the Spread Eagle. No mention of Lonny, the threats, the religious group that seems much more involved with the community than she originally thought. Everything is fine, perfect, ideal.

The pain of her little crash has mostly faded by the time she shows up to work the next day; uniform properly on when she comes into the station bullpen.

“What the hell happened to you?” Hudson calls out and Dahlia can’t help the heat crawling up her face at the attention. Her forearms and some of her upper chest that’s exposed are covered in bruises; mottling blues and purples.

“Oh, uh, I had a little bike crash yesterday.” She shrugs.

“Jesus christ,” Pratt grumbles and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Rook, you need a hobby,” Dahlia starts to say something, but Hudson continues, “one that doesn’t injure you.”

She likes to dance, but dancing completely alone isn’t as much fun, not awful but not as fun. And there's not exactly dance clubs in Hope County. Hmmm. Unfortunate. She shrugs, if her hobby kills her, it kills her.

During patrol, Pratt and her don’t talk about the F.A.N.G Center, they don’t talk about him being angry at her. An awkward cloud hanging over them as they patrol. She doesn’t even bother to ask to give tickets when they pull people over; already knowing Pratt won’t let her and not wanting the conversation. An emergency call to what’s called Sergey’s place breaks up the monotony, suspected overdose.

She digs her nails into the leather of her seat as Pratt flips on the sirens; what if it’s Tweak? Doubts of if she did the right thing running through her head. She wanted to help him; but if he ended up just being put on a waitlist and overdosing right after, how much good did she do?

Sergey’s place is a wooded area filled with abandoned train cars where homeless people and drug addicts gather. Dahlia rushes to where she sees a group of them gathered around; screaming and crying coming from the center.

“Clear the way, so we can help,” Pratt tells them, the crowd dispersing, a woman is seizing. Her entire body jerking and drool pooling from her mouth; another woman holding her close, crying over her.

“Did she take anything?” Dahlia asks.

“We were shooting up and then she was on the ground, I, it’s all my fault, I-”

“Understood, we’re gonna do everything we can to save her.”

Dahlia holds the seizing woman as still as she can, getting out the syringe of narcan that's kept in patrol cars. She plunges it into the woman’s arm, forcing the medicine into her system, watching as her seizing slowly starts to lessen. Removing it, she notices the large bruise and cut on the woman’s forehead.

“Dispatch,” Pratt radios in, “we need an ambulance out to Sergey’s place, confirmed overdosed, head trauma, female early twenties. Junior Deputy Hale has administered a dose of Narcan, over.”

Dahlia stays with the woman, to make sure she doesn’t seize again and hurt herself further. Meanwhile, Pratt clears the way and helps get the ambulance into the area when it arrives; the woman being taken away on the stretcher. They find out the one who was holding her was her sister, allowing her to go with her to the emergency room, while Pratt asks some questions of those who were around. Nothing suspicious; just an overdose, no one to blame.

The younger deputy sighs and a hand clamps down on her shoulder; gently squeezing. Pratt is next to her and she raises an eyebrow at him.

“We got here quick, she should be fine.”

“Maybe, lets get going.”

The conversation is still more than a little stilted as the day goes on; but it isn’t quite the awkward silence of before. Pratt making little comments and saying things, while she nods or hmms along.

Later in the afternoon, when they’ve stopped back at the station, for lunch and paperwork regarding the overdose. She yawns and stretches her arms, standing up from her desk to get coffee. Maybe she needs caffeine or maybe she’s just tired of sitting in one place; but either way she’s up and moving.

She rubs a hand down her face as she enters the kitchenette where the fridge and coffee machine are. Dahlia grabs her mug; one that was bought for her by Lloyd and Caroline. It’s a little embarrassing, the picture of a black cat with the message, ‘horrible and adorable.’

Warmth presses in close to her back, looming over her. The smell of Pratt’s cologne hits her just as a large hand plucks her mug off the counter. Pratt holding the mug high above her head.

“Hey!” She tries to grab it from him but can’t reach, Pratt grinning as she makes the effort to stand on her tiptoes but still can’t quite get it.

“Something wrong?” he smirks, “you can’t reach your kitty cat mug?”

“Can you go five seconds without being an ass?” She turns to face him, glaring at his shit eating grin, the mischief in his eyes as he crowds her and holds the mug just out of reach.

“Hmmmm, no. Can you go five seconds without pouting?” He reaches up with the hand not holding her mug hostage and cups under her jaw to squish her cheeks together and force her lips to pout out; laughing at her.

She smacks away his hand, making a grab for her mug, knocking against his chest in the attempt before he jumps back.

Dahlia whines and he just laughs, dodging her again as she tries to take her mug back. Her fingers can barely reach his face, let alone high above his head where he’s holding her mug hostage. She clambers to grab a hold of his bicep; trying to pull herself up high enough to grab it, laughing at the ridiculousness of trying to essentially climb her coworker to get her mug.

“Jesus christ, you fuckin’ spider monkey!” He nearly falls over, but catches himself and switches the mug to his other hand, placing it on top on the cupboards.

She glares for a beat, still hanging off of Pratt’s arm before letting go. Dahlia can’t even reach the top shelf in the cupboards.

“I’m actually going to strangle you.”

“Something wrong, Thumbelina?” He taunts and ruffles a hand through her hair, the gesture far more rough and teasing than when Whitehorse does it to comfort her.

“Yeah, my coworker is an ass.”

“Not my fault you’re short.”

“If I get dirt on the counter, you’re cleaning it.”

“What do you-” he bursts into laughter when she box jumps up onto the counter, grabbing her mug. The deep rumble of it makes her smile, it’s ridiculous, but he’s left her no choice.

“The hell are you doing, Rook?!” Whitehorses’ voice cuts through Pratt’s cackling and she jumps down with a yelp.

“Pratt did it.”

The older deputy straightens up, after nearly bending over doubled from his laughing fit. Whitehorse pinches the bridge of his nose, Dahlia swears she can see the migraine forming in his head.

“I didn’t do anything,” Pratt defends himself, “she managed that all on her own.”

“I, I just...no feet on the counter, that's where food goes, for fucks sake, ” Whitehorse looks from Dahlia to Pratt, “and no whatever you did.”

With that the sheriff leaves; weary of their bullshit. Dahlia jabs her fist into Pratt’s ribs, hard enough to jostle him but not enough to truly hurt.

“You got me in trouble!” She yells, sounding every bit a kid who just got ratted out to the teacher, and Pratt only snickers.

By the time Dahlia manages to get her coffee, her face hurts from smiling. The ache of happiness followed throughout the day, until Hudson and Pratt cap off the night with another day of chatting at the Spread Eagle, Dahlia left to go home alone.

The next day a call comes in from Adelaide Drubman, Hurk Sr’s ex wife who owns the marina as Dahlia’s been told. She’s seen advertisements around for the older woman’s real estate business, telling people to call Addie. The woman pictured on the signs of those advertisements is a fair representation, albeit maybe a little more airbrushed, of the woman standing before them when they arrive. Older with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes, a red bandana tied in her hair. She’s all sly smiles and winks when she sees the two deputies walking towards her.

“Well, hey there, hon’,” she greets them, the southern Montana accent one of the strongest Dahlia’s heard since she’s arrived here.

“Hey, Addie,” Pratt replies in kind and Dahlia gives an awkward wave, “what’s wrong?”

What’s right, Dahlia can’t help but wonder as she looks at the property, clearly abandoned and dilapidated.

“Well, I think some squatters might have moved in on me, sweetheart. And, apparently threatening them with my gun is illegal, but having y’all run ‘em off with yours is fine. Go figure.”

“Yeah, the law is pretty picky about that kind of thing,” Pratt says with a laugh.

“I mean, I’m not complaining , at least I get a chance to see some young pieces of ass in uniform.”

Dahlia chokes and coughs; heat flooding up to the apples of her cheek. That was blunt. Really blunt. Pratt doesn’t seem the least bit bothered, maybe he’s just used to this. Despite her embarrassment, she’s smiling. Something about Adelaide is comforting, warm and friendly, the kind of person who doesn’t know a stranger. Dahlia remembers the gross curmudgeon of an old man that use to be her husband.

“Speaking of which,” Adelaide continues, looking at Dahlia, “I don’t think I’ve seen you before, honey.”

“Uh, yeah, I’m new at the station.”

“Our probie junior deputy.”

“Adelaide Drubman, pleased to meet ya.”

“Uh, this might be impolite,” she pauses, rethinking for a moment, but she needs answers, “but were you seriously married to Hurk Sr?”

“Un-fucking-fortunately.”

“Did you lose a bet?”

Adelaide starts laughing and Dahlia can’t help but smile, the sound absolutely heartwarming.

“I’m serious; lose a bet, piss off a witch and get cursed, broke a mirror and had seven years bad luck… It’s gotta be something, ‘cause that just don’t add up.”

“Well, aren’t you just the cutest thing,” the older woman tells her, “word of advice, don’t let anyone tell you you gotta stay with a man just ‘cause he knocks you up.”

“I’d rather die.”

“Good, keep that mentality, save you years of suffering.”

“Okay, enough chat, let’s go check out the place,” Pratt says, nudging Dahlia to get a move on. She sticks her tongue out at him as they walk into the rundown house.

There’s trash strewn around, thankfully no needles or sign of drug users here. Adelaide must have a lot of trust in whoever she has cleaning these places up for resell. They pass through rooms, looking for anyone who’s not meant to be there, knocking on doors and calling out. Most of the house is cleared through and the two of them head to the attic, a good place for any squatters to hide.

The stairs creak under her feet as she takes them two at a time, moving ahead of Pratt in minutes. She hears him grumble, he tells her to slow down, but she doesn’t.

It’s dimly lit, some abandoned furniture and old antique crap littering the area; blocking the window that might have let in even a glimmer of sunlight. She flicks on her flashlight. The light illuminates the dust that hangs heavy in the air, drifting across her vision. Something rustles, a box shuffling across the floor.

“What was that?” Pratt asks as he finally joins her in the attic.

“I don’t know, yet.”

Scratchy noises echo through the room and she walks towards where she saw the box move. She crouches down and shifts the boxes out of the way, finding nothing but a dusty floor beneath them. Then something presses against her leg, a soft sniffing noise.

“Oh my god!” She gasps as she looks down at the cute opossum staring up at her; baby pink nose sniffing at her jeans. A white face, tawny gray almost black body, with big soft dark brown eyes, its wiry whiskers curling at odd angles.

“Is something wrong?!” Pratt yells out and comes rushing over, feet stomping across the floor; the heavy thuds making the opossum hiss and creep backwards.

“You scared it, jackass.”

“I,” he looks down at the hissing opossum, “I thought something happened.”

“Shhhhhh…”

Dahlia reaches out; tentatively brushing her fingers against its narrow snout, feeling the short slightly rough fur. The hissing stops and it sniffs at her hand, letting her scratch up its face to the top of its head. It relaxes into her touch and she scratches behind its ear.

“You can’t pet every animal, you meet, Rook.”

“Watch me,” she says before scooping the opossum up in her arms, holding it close to her chest. A tongue licks over her cheek, the marsupial content in Dahlia’s arms.

Pratt shakes his head and leaves the attic; Dahlia following him down the stairs. Adelaide is waiting outside the home when the two deputies exit.

“Good news, Addie-”

“I acquired a baby.”

“Jesus fuck,” Pratt rubs a hand down his face at her interruption, “there’s no squatters.”

“’Preciate ya coming out to check and taking care of the opossum problem.”

“I fail to see the problem.” Dahlia’s new friend is trying to climb up her head, licking her scalp.

“You really gonna try to sale this mess?” Pratt asks, rolling his eyes and ignoring the younger deputy’s new pet.

“It’s my best chance of making any profit anymore; those fuckin’ Seeds are buying up any place thats actually worth a damn thing. Flipping run down places is the only way to even hope of making money anymore. You know those bastards even tried to by the Marina.”

“They’re gonna own the entire county before we know it.”

Deputy Pratt shrugs his shoulders and Dahlia chews her lip; unsure if she likes how casually they talk about the local religious nutjob owning the county. The older deputy doesn’t even seem bothered by the thought; the idea of them buying everything just thrown out as blasé as one would say the time of day.

“I swear to god, I can’t figure out what I wanna do more; punch John Seed’s face or ride it.”

Dahlia raises an eyebrow at the older woman; she’s unsure what that means…but it sounds vaguely inappropriate… Her nose scrunches, brows furrowing as she tries to reason through this. Riding…like sitting on someone’s face? So, oh… Heat flares up Dahlia’s cheeks as the meaning hits her; definitely inappropriate. Very inappropriate. She covers the opossum’s ears, as if to protect the innocent being from the filth, meanwhile her own ears are burning.

“Addie…”

“I know, I know,” Adelaide waves her hand dismissively, “but you know what they say, the pussy wants what it wants.”

“Not sure that’s the saying.” Pratt laughs

Dahlia raises an eyebrow before looking down at the opossum in her arms as if the little critter could answer her unasked question. Instead, its doe eyes just stare up at her. What cats have to do with Adelaide wanting to fuck John Seed is beyond Dahlia’s comprehension.

“You alright over there, hun?”

“Don’t worry about her,” Pratt dismisses Adelaide’s concern, “she’s probably just wondering what cats have to do with anything.”

“Oh lord.”

“How did you know?” Dahlia whispers, wide-eyed at Pratt, only getting a throaty laugh in response.

“How old are you again, sweetie? Pussy, vagina, cunt; what’s between your legs. Well, maybe not yours, I ain’t got a chance to check y-”

“I would like to change the subject!” Dahlia blurts out; face feeling like it’s been set on fire and no doubt a vivid flush a red. Adelaide’s little grin and Pratt’s laughter only serving to make her face more crimson.

“Well…if we’re on the subject of faces I wanna ride, the Ryes are having their barbecue next Saturday, you and Hudson gonna make it out?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“I’ll be seeing you then, Pratt, and hopefully you too, junior deputy. I gotta call my remodeling guys.”

They say goodbyes and wave off Adelaide, going back to the patrol car. Dahlia cuddling her new opossum friend as she goes. This is her baby now and will comfort her through humiliation at the hands of Hope County’s sex perverts.

“What are you doing?” Pratt asks, when Dahlia opens the car door.

“What do you mean?”

“Fuckin’, put the opossum down!”

“No.”

“You’re not bringing that thing into the car.”

“I’m not abandoning my child.”

“It’s literally a wild animal.”

“It’s a opossum, not a bear, calm your tits,” Dahlia tells him firmly, opening the door and plopping down with her critter in her lap. Pratt groans and jumps in the driver side.

“So, what, you’re gonna take it home and make it a pet?”

“No.”

“Then what?”

“You know how some stations have like animals and stuff?”

“You mean K-9 units, trained dogs? You wanna train a fuckin’ opossum?”

“No, don’t be ridiculous,” she rolls her hand flippantly, “I’m not gonna train her, she’s perfect the way she is.”

“Have fun getting the sheriff on board with this, that thing could be rabid for all you know.”

“Opossums don’t carry rabies; like they physically can’t have rabies.”

“Okay, fuckin’, opossum expert.”

Dahlia spends a mile or two, just watching out the window at the world passing by as she scratches at her new friend’s ears. Passing by a sign for Rye and Son’s Aviation, she remembers the conversation with Adelaide.

“Who’re the Rye’s?” She turns her head towards Pratt, head cocking to the side in curiously.

“Huh? Oh, they’re a couple who live not too far from Falls End. They have these big barbecues that basically the entire county shows up to; everyone brings some food, it’s a whole thing.”

“That’s nice.”

“You should come.”

“I don’t know them.”

“It’s open invitation, you live in Hope County, cook some food, show up. It’ll be fun.”

“Just like the F.A.N.G Center?” She raises an eyebrow

“Well, if you don’t freak out and run off halfway through, yeah, things can be fun.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever.” She rolls her eyes and sticks her tongue out at Pratt.

Side eyes and double takes are taken at Dahlia as she walks into the station carrying a opossum. Dahlia just nuzzles her face against the top of the opossum’s head as they reach the office, plopping down in her chair and propping her feet up on her desk. Pratt walks past with his lunch and Dahlia grabs a handful of apple slice off his plate; making the older deputy stop and glare at her.

“Can I help you?”

“I gotta feed her.” Dahlia shrugs, letting the opossum munch on one of the slices of fruit.

“Feed her your lunch.”

“My lunch is an energy drink and a twinkie.” She ate the last of the lunches Caroline sent with her; an empty fridge and a sink full of Tupperware waiting for her at home.

“How the hell are you still alive?”

“The world’s too cruel to end my misery.”

“Jesus fuck,” he rolls his eyes, “calm it down, Hot Topic.”

“What are you doing, Rook?” Heat zings up Dahlia’s cheeks when she hears Hudson’s voice and sudden fear that being the weird opossum girl might not be what she wants.

“Is that a fuckin’ rat?” A guy next to her, dressed in the standard officer uniform asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Feeding...opossum…Who are you?”

“Rook, this is Brennan, he’s one of our officers, Brennan this is-”

“The rookie deputy, I know, I’m officer Beau Brennan, nice to meet ya,” he says, extending a hand and she moves the opossum to properly shake it. Beau Brennan, possibly the most southern sounding name she’s ever heard, especially this far up North.

“Nice to meet you, too.”

“But, uh, Rook,” Hudson looks at Dahlia, “should you really be bringing a wild animal into the station?”

“Maybe not...she’s friendly, though.”

“So, Joey questions you and she has a point,” Pratt swings his hand in an angry gesture, “but I do it and I get mocked?”

“Yes.”

“Well, why don’t you tell Joey, how you want the opossum to be the station pet?”

“Do you?” Joey raises an eyebrow at Dahlia, the younger deputy’s face turning a deeper shade of scarlett.

“...yes..”

“If you want the thing so bad, why not just take it home as your own pet?”

“That’s what I was asking!” Pratt butts in.

“Five seconds ago, you were asking how the hell I kept myself alive, you want me in charge of keeping something else alive?”

“She’s got you there,” Hudson looks back to Dahlia, mirth lighting up those olive green eyes, “what's her name gonna be?”

Dahlia suddenly has no coherent thought in her head. Just cricket noises as she realizes she’s never actually named an animal in her life. Every time she’s ever had a pet or something close to one, she just refers to it by species or someone else names it. The cat’s name is cat, dog’s name is dog.

“....Opossum…?”

“Not how names work,” Hudson pets behind the opossum’s ear, “Petunia?”

“Petunia, it is,” Dahlia flusters to say grinning, she’s actually okay with this, Hudson doesn’t mind the weird opossum girl.

“Why are you encouraging her!?”

“‘Cause it’s annoying you.”

“I think the girls have you outnumbered, Staci.”

“Staci?” Dahlia looks over at Pratt, is that his first name? She’s never actually heard it before. His face completely falls, hazel eyes harsh and angry.

“Shut up.”

“Your name is Staci, oh my god.”

“Spelled with an ‘i’,” Beau adds, grinning as Dahlia starts cackling.

“Oh my god, you have a sorority girl name!”

“Laugh it up, you know when Whitehorse comes back, you’re gonna have to say goodbye to your new friend.”

“Eh, it’s Rook, so he won’t mind much,” Joey says, shrugging her shoulders.

“Huh?”

“You don’t know?” Brennan raises an eyebrow at her, “everyone knows that the sheriff is soft on you. Been hardly a week and it’s like he’s adopted you.”

Her cheeks hurt from grinning, Whitehorse sees her like his own child? She knows she’s lucky to even have gotten the job; let alone the way he’s been going the extra mile to make her feel at place here. But knowing he may see her like family lights up her heart. The sheriff already reminded her of Lloyd before, but hearing that cements the comparison.

“Dear god, if you were a dog, your tail would be wagging,” Pratt-Staci, grumbles as he pinches the bridge of his nose.

“It's cute,” Brennan defends her, “we don’t even need a canine unit with her around. Ow!”

Brennan jumps when Dahlia kicks him in the shin, hard enough to bruise she’s hoping. Hudson and Pratt laugh. Petunia is content and nuzzling into Dahlia’s neck as the four shoot the shit, the topic of the Rye barbecue coming up. Hudson and Brennan both plan on being there as well. Dahlia finds herself sinking deeper into her chair, holding Petunia closer. Taking her phone from her pocket and checking the notifications on John’s little video. Other than someone claiming he looks familiar and another person saying he’s hot; it’s mostly more taunts.

“What’s going on here?” Whitehorse’s voice cuts through the chatter, the sheriff coming through and spotting the gathered deputies and officer. His eyes landing on Petunia within a second, “Rook?”

“Yeah?” She scrolls past someone using a gif of John’s light up yes sign as a reaction gif.

“Why are you holding a opossum?”

“She likes being held.” She doesn’t bother looking up from the phone.

“She?”

“Her name’s Petunia.”

“You can’t have a opossum.”

“She’s the station opossum.”

“Rook,” Whitehorse sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose, “just go put her outside.”

“So, she’s an outside station pet?”

“I don’t care as long as she’s outside.”

“I’m taking that as a yes,” Dahlia says, finally looking up and grinning ear to ear. Whitehorse shakes his head and just waves her off before going into his office, no doubt looking for some Tylenol or Aspirin at this point.

“That’s it,” Pratt lets out a heavy exhale, shaking his head at Dahlia.

“Told ya, soft on Rook.”

“I’m gonna take Petunia outside, to her new home.”

“Do you think she’ll stay around?” Hudson asks, as her and Pratt follow after Dahlia, towards the little lot of land behind the department.

“If I keep feeding her, she should, right?”

“I’m gonna have to start bringing two lunches, aren’t I?”

“Nah, you don’t wanna overfeed her.”

“Hilarious.”

The wind is blowing just a bit; breezing by and shifting the grass around them. The sun starting to set as the evening arrives. Petunia licks her cheek and then runs up on Dahlia’s shoulder, little hands grabbing at her skin as she clambers up onto her head; curling up like she belongs there.

“Pffft,” Hudson sputters out a laugh, “look this way, Rook.”

Dahlia faces Joey, grinning with the apples of her cheeks flushing red. The older deputy has her phone out and snaps a photo of Dahlia with Petunia perched on her head. She’s not sure why the moment is worth catching, but she’s glad it was.

“Send that to me, if you don’t mind…” Dahlia asks as she puts Petunia down in the grass.

“No problem,” she taps away and Dahlia feels her phone buzz, “and don’t worry I’ll send it to you, too, Pratt.”

“I didn’t ask for it.”

“Didn’t have to.”

Dahlia sits down on the ground, petting Petunia as the sun sets. As always Hudson and Pratt leave that evening for the Spread Eagle, she catches Brennan talking about going to the Hollyhock Saloon with some fellow officers before she leaves. Everyone has their friend group, their routine. And it’s time for her own; going home to an empty trailer.

And an empty fridge, she remembers. Oh god, she has to go shopping doesn’t she? It’s a break in the monotony but she’s not sure it’s a welcomed one. She also has to do dishes at some point…and laundry… Adulting sucks.

There’s a little family owned market in the Henbane River region; just a bit more to it than the general store in Falls End. The fluorescent lights irritate her eyes as she pulls off her helmet to look around. Never the cooking type; Dahlia’s hoard comprises of things that don’t require more than a microwave to prep. Frozen meals, snacks, and absolute garbage pile high in her cart as she scours the shelves for more. This might get her through for a week.

Her phone buzzes, another Twitter notification, she’s sure someone else reacting to the Eden’s Gate commercial. She tugs her phone from her pocket; just like she thought a Twitter notification, but the message beneath it catches her eye. A text from Hudson, where she sent the photo of Dahlia and Petunia. The young deputy hasn’t gotten around to opening it; mind preoccupied. She opens the message.

Dahlia doesn’t take pictures of herself and has never been particularly enthralled with her own appearance. But, she likes this photo of her. Petunia is perched on her head, dark eyes warm and soft. The evening sun setting behind Dahlia illuminates her in golden light; dark hair mussed, brown eyes lighting up amber where the light hits, and a wide grin on her face.

Beneath the photo is a message from Hudson captioning it;

‘cant tell who looks better here’

Heat makes it way up to her hairline. Is…did Hudson call her cute? She’s comparing Dahlia to Petunia, a opossum, both Petunia specifically and opossums in general are cute. So if Hudson’s saying Dahlia’s looks are on par with a opossum; does Hudson mean she’s cute? But, not everyone thinks opossums are cute… Some people think they’re gross little trashy goblins, does Hudson think she looks like a trash goblin? She seemed to like Petunia, but just cause she was nice to the animal doesn’t mean she thinks opossums are cute. Dahlia leans her forehead against the freezer section for a moment; letting a turkey meal cool her flushed face as she forces herself to not agonize over this.

A few deep breathes and a concerned passerby make Dahlia straighten back up, getting her bearings before heading to self-check-out. She quickly rings up her items and bags them, leaving the market with her grocery bags in tow.

“Leave me alone…please…” A soft demure voice whispers, a woman about Dahlia’s age stands beside the road a man towering over her with a beet red face. The smell of liquor coming off him on the wind. His hand is wrapped tightly around her wrist, her skin indenting under his grasp as she tries to fold in on herself to avoid his touch.

“Wh-what, you scared daddy Joe’ll call you a sinner for spending some time with me?”

The stench of alcohol wafts off his breath with every drunken slur; even at a distance, the smell churns her stomach. She drops her bags on the cement and makes a beeline towards them, she needs to keep this from escalating, or someone will get hurt.

“Leave me alone!” The girl’s voice shakes as she tries to pry herself from the man’s grasp.

“Fuckin’ peggie whore!”

“Hey!” Dahlia yells out and runs as his other hand starts to raise and pull back.

She gets between them just in time to feel the crack of his hand striking her face. An ache and echo of pain rings through her jaw; a metallic taste where her cheek scraped the inside of her jaw. Glassy eyes widen, the man shocked at the interruption.

“Wh-who-”

“I’m a deputy with the Sheriff’s Department, and unless you want some jail time for assault, I recommend you get the fuck out of here.”

“Pssh,” he scoff, whiskey scented spittle spraying into the air, “li-”

“I’m giving you to the count of three to get out of my sight, sir. One,” she leans into his space, glaring him down and sneering as she counts, “two, th-“

“F-fine, fine, fuckin’ bitch.”

He makes a dismissive hand gesture as he grumbles a curse, but he stumbles away, leaving the two girls alone. Dahlia rubs absent mindedly at her cheek before turning towards the girl; a peggie, he called her. One of the followers of Eden’s Gate. She’s beautiful, five or so inches taller than Dahlia, with long black hair falling in waves down her shoulders. Delicate fine facial features, the deputy can’t help but feel the girl’s face might have shattered has it been struck. Like the handful of peggies she’s seen, traces of tattoos and markings are on her. ENVY etched across her chest and a delicate tattoo of vines with blue flowers curling up her forearm.

“Are you okay?” Dahlia asks her.

“Oh yes, yes, I’m fine, but are you?”

The girl reaches out, fingers nearly brushing over Dahlia’s cheek. She instinctively ducks back, avoiding the touch. Strangers touching her is never something she’s been fond of, though she can’t imagine many people are.

“I’ve taken worse from better; I’ll be fine. You be careful and have a safe night, ma’am.” Dahlia nods at her and makes the quick walk to her abandoned groceries and bike.

She stoops down and begins to collect the food that fell from her bags. A pair of slender hands join in, helping gather up a bag of microwave meals for her, the girl offering it to Dahlia once it’s secure.

“Thanks,” Dahlia murmurs, taking it from the stranger, stashing her groceries in the little storage space under her motorcycle’s seat.

“It’s the least I can do…I’ve never seen you before.”

“I started here about a week ago.”

“Really, that’s incredible…The Lord placed you here at the exact right time.”

“Nah, I just needed groceries,” Dahlia shrugs, “well, hope you have a nice night.”

“Wait,” she knots a hand in the deputy’s shirt, “I’m Layla…”

“Nice to meet you,” Dahlia offers, Layla’s dark brown eyes are darting around, avoiding eye contact.

“I…was on my way to a sermon at Father Joseph’s church and-”

“Look, Layla, if you need my help just say the word. But, if this is the beginning of a conversion spiel; save your breath and my time, ‘cause it ain’t happening.”

“I don’t feel safe, going there alone, right now. What if he comes back?” Her arms cross over herself, the thin cardigan not doing much to protect her from the night chill.

“Oh, uh, you don’t have anyone who can go with you? Aren’t religions like, community things?”

“I was gonna walk there by myself, but…”

“Fuckin’ hell, where is it?”

“Up the north bridge, one of the island’s in the middle of the county, it isn’t far.”

“Here,” Dahlia shoves her helmet at Layla, “I got one helmet and if anyone’s brains are splattering on the road, I’d rather they be mine.”

Layla pulls the helmet on over her head, body still shivering. Dahlia shies and shrugs off her leather jacket; it’s only going to get colder on the ride there with wind whipping around. She hands it to Layla who smiles and takes it, pulling the worn black leather jacket on. Oversized on Dahlia and still marginally so on Layla.

“Thank you,” Layla murmurs as Dahlia straddles her bike, then climbs on the back. Dahlia takes in a deep breathe when arms wrap around her midsection, Layla pressing in close to the deputy’s back as she starts the engine. The familiar nature of the touch contrasting with the fact they’re strangers.

As Dahlia makes her way up to the bridge, Layla lifts the visor just a smidge so that she can whisper directions in the deputy’s ear. Once she’s past the bridge coming from the Henbane, the roads have fencing and barbwire, making it nearly impossible to go from the road into the woods on the island. She rides down the winding road, taking a left turn off the paved road onto a beaten path, rounding the corner she sees it.

A cold sweat builds on the back of her neck, heart dropping into her stomach. It’s a collection of small white buildings, dark roofs, with Latin scrawled across some of the buildings; Luxuria, Acedia, and more she’s sure. All of it on a large piece of land, within she can see picnic tables, bundles of white flowers, where they might gather for picnics or barbecues. She pulls her bike to a stop just a distance from the white gate; Church of Eden’s Gate etched in the upper arches.

People are all around, getting out of white trucks and cars, greeting each other with hugs and waves; throwing side eye glances at Dahlia when they notice her. Dogs are barking somewhere; she doesn’t know where from. Layla clambers off the back of Dahlia’s bicycle, pulling off her helmet and handing it back to her.

“Sister Layla,” a deep masculine voice rumbles out, a familiar man standing by the white gates. Tall with a thick dark beard, his deep dark eyes are focused on Dahlia as he speaks to Layla. Theodore is what the other man called him that day when Dahlia caught them stealing from The Spread Eagle. He looks a moment away from ripping the deputy’s head off her shoulders; his shirt dipping in a way that exposes the way PRIDE etches across his chest, crossed out as are all sins the church members wear.

“Brother Theodore, this is-”

“The new deputy, we’ve met, why is she here?”

“I was just getting ready to leave, don’t worry.”

“What,” Layla’s eyes widen and she grasps Dahlia’s arm, “you can’t.”

“I can’t…?” Dahlia raises an eyebrow and shoots a pointed look where Layla’s grabbing her, making the girl let go. Layla’s trying to rope her into this shit, isn’t she?

“You came all this way Deputy, why not just come in, listen to the sermon.”

“Not happening, I already told you, not my scene. Just give me back my jacket, so I can leave, okay?”

“But,” Layla chews her lip, gears in her head turning, “how am I suppose to get home?”

“I saw at least thirty people go in that church, I’m sure someone will be willing to give you a ride home.”

“Oh, uh, I-”

“Brother Theodore, Sister Layla, service will be starting soon!” Someone calls out from within the compound.

“I have to go, I’ll be right back, Deputy!” Layla rushes to say and then runs off towards the church, Dahlia’s jacket still on her shoulders.

“Hey, wait!” Dahlia jogs after Layla, hurrying through the little compound, but the woman vanishes into the steepled church ordained in cross symbols.

She stops, just before entering the door and takes a step back. The crush of boots in dirt echoes beside her before coming to a stop, the looming of someone nearby. Body heat lingering near her side as she looks up at the cross on the topmost steeple of the church.

“You going in?”

“No.”

“Have fun out here,” Theodore tells her, moving to press a heavy hand against the church door.

“Those dogs,” she starts, listening to the barks ringing out around her, “they friendly?”

“Why don’t you go find out?” He leaves her with a smirk, walking into that church.

Dahlia lets out a harsh breath and pushes her hand back through her hair. A breeze pushes through, her t-shirt and thin uniform shirt does nothing to keep out the chill. She’s not leaving without her jacket; her wallet and phone all in the pockets. Music echoes from inside the church as she plops down onto the ground outside it, balancing her helmet on her knees and resting her chin on it.

If your soul has grown weary, and your heart feels tired…

She fidgets with her helmet, chewing her lip. Please let this Joseph guy be short winded, she just wants to leave. The entire place sets her on edge, makes her skin crawl and she wants to hide away.

Let the water wash away your sins…

A cool breeze passes by, a soft whipping sound mingling with the singing. She scans the night sky, searching for her favorite and only known constellation, she has a feeling she’s going to be here a while…

#far cry 5 #fc5 #this is love #Dahlia Hale

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tsunflowers · 4 years

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asks last night made me think about female tertiary riders. since yua is one will this become a trend? no way to know. but then I was like “ok going back which previous characters would have worked just fine as women?” and I used the list of tertiary riders from tiermaker bc it’s not an official designation and there’s no canon list

kivala: self-explanatory

mage: self-explanatory. although I actually think if the other two mages were also women that would annoy me more bc it’s like oh women can be riders but only off-brand burlap colored ones. I see

delta: was a women in canon, briefly, off-screen. if she had stayed alive as a character instead of dying for takumi’s manpain that could have been interesting. the guy who ended up as the delta user was so boring that at least if he were a woman that would be something to stand out

snipe: thinking about nico snipe here. but in general i have no problem with the idea of a weird annoying woman who lives in an abandoned hospital and gets bullied by her teenage protégé

chalice: why not. feral woman in the process of rehabilitation who threatens to fucking kill people but warms up due to family and friendship? that’s good. it would also make people read kenzaki and hajime’s relationship as overtly romantic

todoroki: we just need more dumb female jocks in the world

den-o rod form: I dont consider the various den-o forms to be different riders but they’re on here so. I also already forgot why I put ura in this category. oh it’s bc I think his role within the group is kind of to make plans and wrangle the others which is often a feminine role anyway

den-o axe form: just for the yukata open to the waist with bandaged chest under vibe

necrom: that guy already basically has the character arc of a spoiled princess who learns about the real world

kuuga (onodera yuusuke): just why not. there isn’t anything about yuusuke that i think would become weird when applied to a female character instead. the fandom reaction to a female yuusuke I don’t know about. tsukasa/yuusuke shipping might become very big but also the number of people who think she is quote yuuseless unquote might increase too

woz: I think woz could be a woman. it doesn’t break the cardinal rule that a woz is a woz so it’s fine. woz’s slavish devotion towards sougo might become more unpleasant coming from a woman towards a man but I think it would be mitigated by woz clearly being evil and having insane woz motives

zolda: talked about this last night. I do think it would be good. also it would make that huge hilarious gun cool and sexy bc it would be like the valkyrie cannon scene in ragnarok

gills: a woman who’s a feral loner who screams and punches people. a swamp wife. sounds good to me

hoppers: hell hopper sisters anyone? they’re already such stupid and ridiculous characters that switching their gender wouldn’t trouble me. in fact it might even be a victory for feminism

leangle: I put him in maybe bc everyone in the entire show already dunks on him constantly so if it was “everyone is rude to the only female rider all the time” that would be no good. although if hajime is also a woman.. hmm...

drake: I think female daisuke would have to become a heterosexual woman bc so much of his character is hitting on babes and I dont think toei would allow an out and proud lesbian hero. in 2007 especially. but a flirty and stupid woman who always gets saved by her kid sister could be done well or poorly

zangetsu: somehow the idea of takatora being a woman in a position of power whose employees are all plotting against her bc she;s a huge dumbass doesn’t sit right with me. but there are no huge red flags so. nee-san is single and doesn’t have a husband

gridon: dont care about that guy maybe if he was a lady I would

bravo: oren’s a flamboyant gay man, so translated to a female character she would become a butch lesbian. butch lesbian who was a private military contractor but settled down for her dream of running a bakery is less good to me as a plot but I think I could deal bc oren doesn’t just give up on fighting

I dont even remember who this next guy is. oh knuckle. all i remember about him is he was kinda gay s maybe it would be bad to make him a woman bc then she would just come off as straight

chaser: gouchase becomes canon. theres maybe some weird stuff that might arise with a female chase but not worse than anything about medic so whatever

raia: I actually dont think tezuka should be a woman but I’m not mad about it so I didn’t make a category just for him. I think it becomes more cringe for a woman to dramatically die for shinji and I also think now that tezuka is canonically gay we shouldn’t erase that. even if female tezuka is a lesbian it’s still like wow another dead lesbian

lazer: female kiriya being like “ohoho I flirt with you but I also lie all the time” would come off different. people already portray kiriya as a fox in fanart but if she were a lady you wouldn’t even be able to find fanart without ears and tail. however I do want to see a female character who dresses exactly like kiriya

grease: I like the idea of a rough and tumble farmer lady who’s always going around with her boys. the mii-tan thing could be better or worse, depending. full on lesbian kazumin is worse bc it makes her obsessive horny lesbian who can’t take a no. kazumin who is theoretically a straight woman but just really loves mii-tan as an idol could be ok

rogue: i forgot his name. sorry gentoku. gentoku as a female villain who defects for a reason other than ~love~ would be good. but gentoku being secretly obsessed with ugly fashion is somehow bad to me in a female character

ryugen: no. we cant. no.

sasword: why did I put him in this category? well I think his comical and contrived failures to understand how the world works come close to crossing a line at times already and if tsurugi were a female character there is no way that it wouldn’t be used to infantilize and sexualize her in a creepy way. I thought about that scene where tsurugi dresses as a schoolboy and the outfit’s too small. that was already weird and unnecessary. I imagined it as an adult woman in a too-small schoolgirl uniform and I said Absolutely Not

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littlelovelyspiderling · 5 years

Text

Truth or Dare?

I can’t even remember at this point if this was a prompt someone sent me or not, but tbh i kinda just wrote it cuz it’s been a while and it sounded cute in my head. Sorry I’m so bad with answering asks i’m the worst lol but thanks for sending requests / nice messages ya’ll are all very sweet :)

Peter, Ned, and MJ decide to play Truth or Dare. After a certain truth about Peter is revealed, Peter finds himself fiercely regretting his choice in party games.

word count: 2,150

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“Truth or dare?”

MJ sipped on her Caprisun pouch with a bored expression, leaning against the coffee table with her legs sprawled across the rug. Peter sat on the couch beside her, cross-legged, blinking sleepily.

“This is stupid,” she said.

“Ah, come on,” Ned whined. He was lying on the floor with his hands folded under his chin, scissoring his legs above his back. “It’s no fun if only two of us participate.”

“It’s no fun in general,” MJ murmured, but eventually shrugged in defeat. “Fine. Dare.”

Ned furrowed his brow in thought, glancing around the room. “Hmm…um…I dare you…ha! Dare you to lick that TV remote!”

Without hesitating, MJ grabbed the device and touched her tongue to it, her expression unchanging. “There,” she deadpanned, tossing it back on the table. “Happy?”

Ned huffed irritably. “In my head, that was a lot funnier. But that’s on me.” He rolled on to his back. “Your turn, MJ.”

“We can do something else,” Peter suggested. “Play a board game. Watch a movie.”

It was rare that Peter had any time to hang out with his friends outside of school and decathlon stuff, especially when Spider-Manning ate up so much of his life, so he wanted to make the most of every second they had together this Saturday evening. Unfortunately, when it was pouring rain out, their social options were restricted to in-house activities. And Peter was not a particularly creative host.

Ned pouted. “But we only just started! And things don’t get juicy until the second or third round.”

MJ rolled her eyes. “If you say so. Peter? Pick your poison.”

Peter yawned, the gentle patter of the rain lulling him to sleep. He wasn’t in the mood to move much. “Truth, I guess.”

MJ crossed her arms over her chest and blew a tuft of hair out of her face. “What’s your weakness?”

Peter blinked, a wrinkle forming between his eyebrows. “My weakness?”

“Yeah. You know, the thing that renders you useless or whatever.”

He frowned and glanced at Ned, who looked just as confused as he was. Is she talking about me, or about Spider-Man? She doesn’t know, does she? He decided to play dumb.

“Um…death?”

MJ snorted. “No. I mean something specific to you, but not necessarily deadly. Like something you love, something you hate, a phobia, an obsession, that sort of thing.”

“You ask weird questions,” Ned chuckled, but looked to Peter expectantly. Peter squirmed a little beneath their gazes.

“I…I don’t know. I don’t think I have one of those.”

“Oh, come on,” MJ prodded. “Everyone has a weakness.”

“I feel like that’s not true,” Peter chuckled. The clap of the refrigerator door shutting turned his head, and he felt a hand card through hair as May walked up behind him.

“What are you guys up to?” she asked, handing Peter a platter of crackers and cheese. He took a handful and shoved it in his mouth then placed the rest on the coffee table.

“Truth or Dare,” MJ said dryly. “I just asked Peter if he had a weakness, and he said he didn’t. This game could not be more exhilarating.”

May feigned profound disbelief. “What? That’s not true. Peter, why are you lying to your friends?”

Peter scowled at his aunt. “What? What are you talking about? I’m not lying.”

“Yes you are,” May insisted.

“Unless recklessly purchasing Star Wars merch off Amazon counts as a weakness, then I don’t think I have one. At least, not one that falls under MJ’s definition of weaknesses.”

“What about this?” May asked nonchalantly, moving her fingers from her nephew’s hair to his neck and skittering her nails against his spine. The unexpected sensation made Peter jolt and squeak involuntarily. He shrunk into a ball to evade her attack, hunching his shoulders to his ears, high-pitched giggles slipping through his defenses. The adorably childlike reaction never ceased to make May smile. No matter how old or super-powered he got, Peter never seemed to outgrow his extreme ticklishness—if anything, it had only gotten worse.

“Aha!” Peter squealed. “M-Mahay, stop!” She pulled her hand back from her squirmy nephew with a giggle, endeared by the bright pink color overtaking his face.

Peter turned back to his friends, flustered and embarrassed, doing his best to maintain his cool. But to his horror, he watched as a slow grin curled along both of their lips. He knew what was coming. They knew what was coming. And he had to find a way out.

“Oh, you’re ticklish?” MJ said, tilting her head to one side. Peter’s whole body went hot when he spotted the sinister gleam in her eye. He cringed at his own voice, which came out high-pitched and nervous.

“I—um—I mean, I guess,” he murmured, avoiding everyone’s penetrating stares. “But, uh, hey, isn’t—isn’t everyone? That’s not really a personal thing.” He pulled his knees to his chest to hide his burning face.

“It is when you’re as ticklish as you are,” May teased him, spidering her fingers against the backs of his ears. Peter yelped and flinched away, trying to shoot May a glare of betrayal but foiled by the smile tugging at the corners his mouth.

“Quihit it! Let’s just get back to the game!” He looked to Ned, praying that his best friend would catch on to how desperately he wanted to escape this predicament. “O-okay, Ned, your turn. Truth or dare?”

“I want to join!” May interrupted enthusiastically, leaning over the back of the couch. “Ned, truth or dare?”

Peter looked at her bewilderedly. “But hey, I just—”

“Dare,” Ned replied, ignoring Peter.

May smiled sweetly. “Ned, I dare you and MJ to help me tickle Peter to prove being ticklish is his weakness.”

Peter’s jaw dropped along with his stomach. Oh. Shit. Dread seized his entire being as three of his most trusted companions turned on him in unison, accepting the proposal without hesitation, approaching eagerly.

“W-what?” he stammered, his eyes darting between them. “No, wait—!” He tried to make a break for it but was stopped by May, who blocked him from leaping off the couch and shoved him on to his back in a heap. This gave Ned the chance to pounce on to his midsection; he sat on his legs and waist to keep him from moving and wrestled his arms above his head, which May then grabbed and pinned against the armrest.

“Noho no no!” Peter begged, kicking and squirming uselessly. He looked up and gave his friend the best puppy-dog eyes he could conjure. “Ned, c-come on! Let me up!”

“Sorry, Peter,” Ned giggled, wiggling his fingers tauntingly. “But this is too hilarious not to test.”

The moment his friend’s hands met his torso, Peter knew he was done for. Ned gently skittered his fingers against Peter’s sides, barely any pressure behind his touch, but Peter immediately gasped and cringed, giggles flooding from his lips.

“Ahaha noho! Oh god, plehease don’t! Nehehehed!” Peter wriggled beneath him, knowing he could easily throw all of them off, but also afraid of accidentally hurting someone. The fact that MJ (probably) didn’t know he was Spider-Man complicated the situation further, which meant all he could do was lie there and take it.

Even though every second was absolute torture.

“Seriously?” Ned chuckled. “But I’m being so nice! You really are extremely ticklish, huh? How did I not figure this out sooner?” He drummed his fingers against Peter’s tummy, making him blush in anticipation. “Do you know how many arguments I could’ve won, how many of your dumb decisions I could have overturned? All with just a few poke, poke, pokes!”

He jabbed a finger into Peter’s midsection every time he said poke, moving all over his belly and up towards his ribs. No matter how hard he tried to fight it, Peter jerked and squeaked every time.

“StohahACK!” he giggled. “You suhuhuck!”

“Oh, really?” Ned said smugly, sharing an evil grin with May. Ned switched from delicate teasing to curling both his hands around his friend’s torso and squeezing sporadically, digging his thumbs deep into Peter’s sides. “How about now? Still think I suck?”

Peter’s giggles gave way to loud peals of laughter. He arched his spine and twisted his legs to try to escape Ned’s needling fingers, but they stayed firmly clamped to his midsection, never once breaking from their methodical kneading. Peter’s struggling seemed only to encourage Ned to increase his tickling intensity.

“AhahahahaNehehed!” Peter bellowed. He thought out of everyone present, Ned would be the most merciful of the bunch, but clearly he had been misled. At that moment, an evilly genius idea came to Ned, who was starting to feel like a very quirky Spider-Man villain, tormenting the poor hero with cruel glee. Ned lifted up Peter’s T-shirt and slipped his hands underneath to tickle his bare tummy.

He was not disappointed in his friend’s reaction. Peter’s giggles jumped multiple octaves higher and his feet started twitching against the couch. “AAAhahahahagh! Crahahaphahaheehee!”

Between bouts of heavy belly-laughs, Peter opened one eye to see MJ standing over him with her hands on her hips, smiling slyly and enjoying the show. He felt his face flash twelve shades of red and forty shades of humiliated. Out of all the people who could be witnessing this embarrassing fiasco, did it have to be MJ? His crush? Even worse, at this point, she was his only hope. He squished his face into the cushions to hide his shame and muffle his laughter, blushing from head to toe. “Ehemjahayhahaha!” he giggled shrilly. “Hehehelp me! Plehehehease!”

MJ smirked crookedly—an adorable smirk, were it not in response to his suffering—and stepped closer. “Of course I’ll help you, Peter,” she said, voice dripping with false earnestness. She lifted both hands into the air and curled them into claws. “Help you see how steep the consequences are for lying in Truth or Dare.”

With that, she went straight for the kill: his underarms. Peter gasped, then jerked, then shrieked. Then a new wave of laughter came barreling up Peter’s throat like a giant giggle tsunami, louder and wilder than ever.

“N-NOHO! NOHOEMJAHEHAHAHAHAAA!” Peter screeched and threw his head back, shaking it from side to side, the sensation driving him berserk. Her fingernails scritched and scratched along the hollows of his pits, tracing fiendishly delicate circles above and around the insanely sensitive skin. It was so gentle yet so maddening: a truly heinous combo. She switched between that and drilling her fingers deep into his armpits, going back and forth between the two techniques, making poor Peter yelp and squeal helplessly, her evil smile widening every time.

How could she have known that was his worst spot?

Between Ned wrecking his tummy and MJ teasing his underarms, Peter was ready to explode. “AHAHAHO MY GAHAHAHA!” he cried, tears welling in his eyes. “OHO-OKAHAY! IT’S MY WEHEHEEHAHAHAAA—MY WEHEAKNESS! YOU WIHIHIN!” Peter leapt against the cushions as Ned’s devious fingers moved down to his hips, grinding viciously into the hollows just above the bone. “GAHAHAHA NOHOHAAAA! P-PLEHEHEASE! STOPSTOHOPSTAHAPSTAHAHAHAHAHAAA!”

“Well that didn’t take long,” May laughed. “Then again, it never usually does.”

“Look how red his face is,” Ned snickered. When Peter’s hysterical laughter transformed into squeaky, violent hiccups, Ned stopped squeezing Peter’s sides and hips and settled into running his fingers up and down his belly in soft, teasing strokes. He didn’t want to kill his best friend, after all. MJ took the cue and started to do the same on Peter’s forearms, using her fingertips instead of her nails. Peter’s explosive, hiccup-filled laughing slowly died down now that the tickling wasn’t so intense, but the gentle tickling was still enough to keep him giggly.

“Oho—oh mahan,” he huffed, panting heavily, unable to make himself stop smiling. “You guys—you guys are—eheeheehee—I cahan’t—I can’t even—” He squirmed and giggled beneath the feathery touch of their fingertips. His hands twitched and clenched as MJ tickled his wrists and goosebumps flared across his skin while Ned’s fingers inched closer and closer to his bellybutton.

“I’m never letting you live this down,” Ned cooed. “Who would’ve thought—being tickled is Peter Parker’s weakness!”

“And Spider-Man’s,” MJ piped in casually, tracing the veins in his arm with her index finger.

In an instant, Ned stopped tickling Peter, Peter stopped giggling, and May stopped holding Peter’s arms against the couch. Everyone turned to MJ in disbelief.

“What?” Peter exclaimed, propping himself up on his elbows, wide-eyed. “Y-you know?”

MJ shrugged. “I mean, yeah. It’s kind of obvious.” She poked him in the stomach with a cool smile, making Peter wince and squeak. “And so is the fact that you’re insanely ticklish. Better not let any of Spider-Man’s super villains find out about that, huh?”

If it was even possible at this point, Peter’s blush deepened. He most definitely was never going to live this down—and he most definitely wasn’t planning on playing Truth or Dare again anytime soon.

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