Speaking as someone who's been outed many, many times, by both "allies" and homo/transphobes, some of yall are way too comfortable sharing other peoples' queer identities.
"But what if I'm trying to be funny?" Doesn't matter.
"But what if I'm an ally?" Doesn't matter
"But what if the person I'm talking to is an ally?" Doesn't matter.
"But what if I'm queer?" Doesn't matter
"But what if the person I'm talking to is queer?" Doesn't matter.
"But what if the person I'm talking about is a stranger?" Doesn't matter.
"But what if it's really obvious?" First of all, ew. Second of all, Doesn't matter.
"But what if they didn't come out to me, I just figured it out on my own?" Doesn't matter.
"But what if they're getting misgendered?" It's just as easy to say 'actually she's a girl' as it is to say 'actually she's transgender and uses she/her'. If that person is pretransition, it's also easy to just bite your tongue and not say anything.
Unless that person has explicitly given you permission to share that information, you DON'T. No matter how certain you are that everyone is accepting, no matter how noble your intentions, it's not your information to share. Getting clocked sucks, getting outed sucks, and they're both an invasion of privacy no matter who's doing it.
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Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.
NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.
I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.
The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.
Because it's so hard to exist in this world.
My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:
Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)
Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.
Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.
Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.
Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.
Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s
I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.
So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".
Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)
Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.
If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.
NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD
Stigma in the DSM
Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)
"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."
(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)
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Can't help but sometimes sit here and think about the rainbow above Aziraphale in the Job episode. What rainbow you might ask?
This rainbow silly!
What's that you say? You don't see anything? Computer, enhance.
Still not seeing it? Let me adjust the contrast and saturation here a minute...
There it is. That little rainbow above our angel.
I spend an unnecessary amount of time thinking about him and his rainbow
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let me paint you a picture.
harrowhark nonagesimus is seventeen years old. a young seventeen. a horribly old seventeen. she has known one home in her entire life. she exists wholly and completely to protect it, and she has never treated it with anything but complete and ardent love. these people are not good, they have not been good to her or for her, but they are her family and she is their gaurdian, and it is home. she is a creature of habits and routines, and drearburh is everything she's ever known. she is seventeen.
and she recieves a letter. it offers her everything she needs. a way to protect her family, to save her home, to ensure that everything she knows and loves is safe and prosperous, and that they will never again need as desperately as they needed her. but she has to leave them. she has to leave them for the first time in her entire life, and she may never come back.
she is permitted to bring one person from home. only one. she may not bring the man who raised her, or the woman who advised her, or the vulnerable elderly whose lives she has been carefully extending since she was a child.
she has a cavalier, though. he is the very model of a drearburh cavalier. he is precisely what her competition will be expecting, and he will do whatever she asks of him. she knows he will try to escape, of course, because she knows they've got a shuttle coming. he and his mother will try to steal the shuttle, inevitably, if it arrives.
the solution is simple. cancel the shuttle. bar ortus's mother from the room when the announcement is made. there's nothing the mother can do.
but harrow doesn't do that. she doesn't cancel the shuttle. she wants them to take it. she doesn't want ortus. instead, she spends an entire night wrecking her hands in hard dirt, doesn't even use a shovel in her desperation. she doesn't want ortus.
harrowhark nonagesimus is going to be alone, in an unfamiliar environment, for the first time in her entire life. she is going to be barred from her only home, perhaps forever. she is seventeen years old.
and she wants gideon nav.
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