#screw you im hilarious

[hailsatanacab]

maybe this time next year you'll be living on their farm in a happy threesome

poly-farm-orous

#i made myself cry with that pun #its so bad #legit almost had an asthma attack #i cant stop laughing #screw you im hilarious #puns #i want it to happen specifically so i can say this every single day #everyone shut up i was laughing so hard that i misspelt it the first time and im worried that thats going to negate the effect of my pun #gdi #pretend i spelt it right the whole time please

[skitskatdacat63]

thinking so hard about . when exactly in the martian timeline they hated and loved eachother can u help me .. cause after turkey 2010 they had their love moments as well and even in 2012 they had their buddy buddy moments so idk !!! they’re confusing

OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY I MEANT TO REPLY TO THIS AND THEN I JUST COMPLETELY FORGOT, SO: hello :D

This is something I think about often as well. Teammates are a weird dynamic in F1 because you're forced to compete for the same resources and against each other in the WDC, but at the same time have to still think combined for the team, for the WCC. I think teammate relationships are like being siblings or like being in a marriage(actually I think Mark has said this before haha.) You can never fully hate or separate from each other, even if you go through rough patches, because you're stuck together and have had the same experiences, for good or for worse.

Turkey 2010 is funny because I think that was one of their first bad moments as teammates, right? And I love that RBR made them take that couples therapy, "us in our get-along shirt", picture. That's what I mean by going through the same experiences, like yeah they were probably pissed at each other but were also probably bonding over the hilarity/awkwardness of RBR making them do damage control.

I just think it's probably difficult to stay upset with someone consistently when you're constantly working with them, and you've also experienced the highest highs and lowest lows with each other. I think I referenced this in my Martian champagne pics post but it's kinda funny when you look through all of those shared podiums that Mark always seemed to be way more willing to spray Seb and smile at him when Mark was the one who won(Literally 3/4 of the pics from that post when they were both at RBR were from Mark's wins.) Like it was such a "I can't stay mad at you 🤭" relationship with them. Like with Mark in particular, it feels like whenever he got a better result, he was mostly like "I shall forgive your transgressions." But then 2013 was kind of the last straw for him, with Multi-21, and especially since he really was getting crushed by Seb and not even getting any wins like in the prev years. But then, by removing himself from it all when retiring, he was able to take a step back and see what it was like to not be in constant, direct competition anymore.

Idk if I'm the best person to ask as I don't think I'm in any measures a great Martian scholar. But these are my thoughts :D I just think being teammates in such a competitive environment can result in such love-hate relationships and that Martian is one of the greatest examples of how it fluctuates. I think it'd be really difficult to try and parse when exactly they were on good or bad terms. For me, tbh I think it kinda correlates with Mark's results because I think with just that whole situation, where they were in as teammates directly competing at the very top, it was a lot easier for Mark, rather than Seb, to start feeling resentment as he was generally drawing the shorter straw most of the time.

Basically, teammates(Martian especially) are bonded through triumph and trauma

#wow wrote a lot haha #i never ended up posting it but i drafted a post w similar thoughts to what i said here #like how martian has a rly odd relationship bcs yeah they were both competing w each other at the top constantly #but then both of their peaks in terms of results were when they were teammates #so you can't really think of either of their most successful periods without thinking of the other!! #like yeah im annoyed at my teammate for screwing me but hey look at us!! winning the wcc!! #but that thing i said abt podiums is so true hahaha pls look its kinda hilarious to me #but yeah i wouldnt say im a martian scholar or anything as i havent been here all that long #but these are my thoughts!! #teammates in f1 remind me kf what being siblings is like #you go through rough patches and are annoyed w each other but cant imagine what itd be like without them #because theyre the only person who understanda the greater circumstances that youre under and relates!! #i cant find it but theres some quote i really love about not wanting to lose a sibling bcs it is the most unique dynamic #and that is how teammates are to me!! #catie.asks. #martian #sebmark

[tinyetoile]

TotK has solidified my belief that the objectively correct way to engage with the Zelda timeline is to Not, outside of whatever immediately affects the game you're currently playing

#for example: wind waker is immediately affected by ocarina of time #and goes on to immediately affect phantom hourglass and spirit tracks #anything else doesnt matter #despite being on opposite ends of the timeline botw/totk are immediately affected by skyward sword #and pretty much every other game you dont need to concern yourself with outside of 'they happened' #im not mad about totk royally screwing up the timeline btw i think its fucking hilarious actually #i was worried that the devs would lean too hard into maintaining a consistent timeline in zelda after canonizing it #and im glad theyre still just doing whatever the hell they want #consistency be damned #my personal headcanon is that the hyrule founded by rauru and sonia isnt the first hyrule #basically ss happens -> original hyrule gets founded -> all the other hames happen -> og hyrule falls apart #-> rauru and sonia decide to make a new hyrule -> this is the hyrule of botw -> totk #also they used magic to import all the landmarks or smth idk #zeldas maps are never consistent anyways

[sundybundy]

my headmates: mary if you dont stop threatening suicide youre probably not going to be allowed to front for a while

me:

#kcposting #like actually screw you guys #putting me away is Not going to make these problems go away #its actually hilarious how no one knows how to handle getting screwed over when im not here to be angry about it #but Im the problem #suicide tw #im going to be ok though

[miasmultifandomdump]

I have very weird specific niches. I'm doomed to never find content.

#screwed up horror romances my beloved #fantasy shows with lots of catholicism and queerness and neurodiversity #if any of yinz have recs please im begging you #the sandman and percy jackson are scratching itches which is hilarious given theyre wildly different #and father kieran in the originals #ugh love the family drama in the originals. mainstream novels and movies and shows etc dont appreciate family dynamics enough #'whos gonna end up with who!!' can be fun but like #family angst. come on guys #anyway this is why i write lol #all queued up with nowhere to go

[visions-indestructible-head]

Multiverse of Madness is what Dark Phoenix could've and should've been

#no i will not elaborate on that #all im saying is jean grey and wanda maximoff would make great friends and should talk some time #i might have a type #ah screw it my space my rules #jean should have killed more people and explicitly should have done so on account of charles being a fucking prick #like the way fox screws up every single x men film just to make sure Xavier is In The Right is unintentionally hilarious #it's infuriating really i get so disappointed by every single one #the premise is strikingly innovative and fascinating and i fall for it every time #and by the halfway point it becomes apparent that they expect you to suspend all disbelief #and accept the horrible writing decisions that make no sense at all from any standpoint #just so xavier is proven right over literally anyone else like??? #magneto is right there's no way around it stop trying so hard #anyway if marvel does sth with this merger and we get a mutant introduction i will salivate

[orcelito]

Kindly wish every unaffiliated/unaffected person witnessing the showtime zine drama & acting like it's prime entertainment would go fuck themselves

#speculation nation #hate peeking into notes of posts about it bc it's all people going 'this is fucking Hilarious' #like Thanks this person screwed over so many people & stole my fucking money #get off your high horse thinking youre better than those involved bc you dont like the pairing / fandom / etc #like literally lmao. the situation is utterly Baffling in a way that really sucks #ppl directly affected get a pass for joking about it but all u guys just making fun of ppl caught up in this? go get a fucking life #i should stop looking in posts' notes like this. im just making myself angry.

[csainz5]

Mine || Charles Leclerc #16

pairing: charles leclerc x girlfriend!reader

summary: in which seeing people ship you with other drivers fuels the possessiveness in charles.

author notes: can u tell ive been obsessed with culpa mia. also this is my first charles fic (!!!) i made sm tweaks to the original req im so sorry 😭 deff been in a slump recently bc exams but 🙏 no beta read!! this one is still raw asf lol

req: yes/no.

wc: 1.2k words

————

the air as the weekend approached was filled with an adrenaline of its own. drivers loitering on the paddock, a camera shoved up each one of their faces. most of them were making videos for their teams social media, while others were giving interviews. silly banter & playful hazing surrounded the place as the free practices neared. as calm and laid back as the environment was, a new buzz had taken over the virtual world. it seemed like the redbull fans had taken on a new intrest in a the friendship you and max shared, suspecting it could be more than just friends. you’re shocked as you read through the articles, what could possibly make it seem like you were both in any sense more than just friends? max was like the brother you never had, and you, the sister he had always hoped of having. as much as the articles were delusional, you didnt really care that much about them, i mean why would you be afraid when there’s nothing youre scared of being open to the public? okay, maybe not everything. not the time when you were so drunk you demanded every guy on the paddock to quote “settle it with me on the ring”, not the time when you were the culprit behind the hilarious azerbaijan mix up where you stole the champagne on the podium and replaced it with an empty one, and definitely not the fact that you’re already taken, by a person known to all on the paddock.

—

The morning of the race was always an exhilarating one no matter which team youre driving for, or which team you’re rooting for. the passion, the dedication and the confidence in the each and every drivers persona was enough to fill you in the same mindset. though youve always been a redbull fan, which, i mean is definitely not even surprising considering you probably frequent their garage more than some of their own engineers, youve always held an admiration for all the drivers. even you knew how dominant the redbull cars were, so seeing the rest of the drivers still catch up with less resources filled your heart with pride. you look up at the fan’s waiting impatiently for the race to start with a smile on your face. this, will never get boring, you think.

Lord Percival 👑

can’t find you anywhere near here, don’t tell me you’re ditching me today yet again 😔

a chuckle escapes your lips.

You

i wouldve come over but you’re all the way across rn 😭 i’ll definitely be waiting for you after the race tho.

Lord Percival 👑

wow. way to betray me over text babe

You

okay drama queen 😒

Lord Percival 👑

guess you rubbed off on me then mon jolie

You

ill make it up to you, i always do.

just before you press send, you notice the drivers had already left for their respective interviews. whats the point in sending it now anyways, you decide.

—

the dark looms over the sky as celebrations near. the smell of alcohol, weed and god knows fucking what become all too familiar to you at this point. you reach the party alongside max, which considering he’s your best friend was not out of the ordinary for you, but little did you know, it didn’t help the ongoing rumours one bit. the familiar stench of reporters clogs your mind. what the hell were the doing here? and more importantly why were all of them suddenly taking an intrest in your friendship with max? question after question is thrown at you which makes you realise youve had enough of this. you reach for your phone.

You

screw this party

wanna meet up at our usual spot?

Lord Percival 👑

im always down 🙏

—

you could never get sick of this. the same ride, the same atmosphere, the exact same playlist playing over and over again, the curves of the road as you drive through. because you know, at the end of this journey would be the same thing you look forward to, every time. so you get into you car, and drive the same drive to the same spot, once again. at a pillar reading out “623” you stop by the ferrari you know all too well.

there he was. i could never get used to seeing him like this, you think, dressed up in formals but looking formal in no way whatsoever. shriveled hair, buttons unbuttoned, jewellery he knows how to style in just the right way. his crazed eyes of emerald, gazing into you with an intensity that makes your nerves shiver.

“took you long enough to come here” he says, holding you waist. “it was a longer drive than usual” “is that so?” he says, stepping aside you to rest against his ferrari, right beside you. folding his arms, he continues, pulling a cigarette out of his blazer, “want one?” “please, today was a bitch” “i could say the same for me, really” he reaches towards you, lighting your cigarette. “races in monaco are my favourite” he says, looking up at the sky. “yeah, id imagine so. nothing beats home” “yeah, it’s great to be home and all, but theres also something in monaco that beats the thrill any race could give me” he steps forwards, hands placed beside either sides of you.

he pulls the cigarette from your lips, taking in a puff himself. he brings his lips to your ear, “or rather, theres someone in monaco, who beats the thrill any race could give me” he whispers, blowing the smoke away. he flicks the cigarette aside and steps on it, as he lifts your face up, meeting your eyes with his own. “someone who sighs right when i kiss her here,” he goes on to place a chaste kiss on your mole, right on your neck by your jawline. and like a story repeated enough times, you sigh. “someone who arches her back when i pull her hair slightly like this,” he gently tugs your hair, making a makeshift ponytail and like a telltale, you arch your back, the satisfaction of being right sprawled across charles’s face.

“but of all, the one thing that makes me come back to this place again and again, is knowing that—“ he lifts your hips up, making you wrap your legs around him. “you’re mine.” the second he says that, its like all the dots connected in your head. you never thought charles would be jealous of the rumours, given how he was the one who didn’t want your relationship to be public. “charles, are you jealous?” you ask. “so what if i am?” “well, i for one wouldnt want my boyfriend to be feeling like that anymore” “what do you mean?” you pull out your phone from your clutch, “kiss me” “wait what are you doing?” “i said, kiss me” you say, pulling him in by his jaw. “im conf-“ you kiss him, shutting him up. as he closes his eyes he finds himself to not be able to help himself from drowning into you, well atleast until a flash brings him out of his trance. “im going to post it.” “you don’t have to, you know” “but i want to. i want everyone to know how much you mean to me charles. you’re my favourite person and i would hate to see you be jealous”

——

“i can’t believe you actually did it, jolie” “its the least i could do” you say, pecking his cheek. “but ive gotta say, i definitely wouldnt mind seeing this shade of you more often” “you haven’t seen the end of me yet, mon ange”

#charles leclerc fluff #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc smut #charles leclerc fanfiction #charles leclerc blurb #charles leclerc imagine #formula one #formula 1 #f1 2023 #ferrari #charles leclerc scenario

[boatboysrowout]

my dear friend is distressed about the lack of martyn fics so although i am not clever enough to write martyn inthelittlewood i can offer you some situations i propose he be put in:

- overworked volunteer at an animal shelter. his favorite animal is a giant german shepherd named ren who never leaves him alone. his least favorite animal is a bird named grian who does nothing but imitate human screams and bite.

- amateur comedian. he does stand up every tuesday night and the instant he gets heckled he gets super defensive and starts saying shit like ‘you people don’t understand true comedy’ and ‘you’re just jealous you’re not on my level’ and ‘ren said i’m hilarious screw all of you’

- firefighter. he spends 90% of his shifts chasing down and extinguishing a very handsome man who has the unfortunate habit of setting himself on fire to prove his passion. no one asks him to do this. martyn is very distressed by this. etho and bdubs think it is hysterical that martyn hasnt noticed this only ever happens while he’s on duty.

- renaissance fair employee. i think its obvious where im going with this so instead of the obvious he gets way too into the roleplay and almost commits first degree murder bc someone cut in front of ren in line to get a funnel cake ill talk instead about how there’s a pirate themed booth for some reason at the renaissance fair and martyn hates it bc of the historical inaccuracy and also bc he is convinced joel and etho set his and ren’s tent on fire on purpose.

- burger king employee. there is a mcdonalds across the street and they hate each other’s guts. one day grian breaks in while scar is distracting ren and martyn and smashes their ice cream machine with a baseball bat bc martyn made one too many jokes about their ice cream machine always being broken. martyn’s manager ren takes this personally, dubs himself the burger king, puts on the shitty cardboard crown and declares war on the mcdonalds. by the end of the week every single employee of the burger king and the mcdonalds have been fired and their story is featured on national news.

update: that last one is now written. you’re welcome/i’m so sorry

#lew this is just for you <3 #to other martyn enjoyers i hope i did him justice #im just incapable of writing anything serious so for angsty martyn fics youll have to go to lew #i've actually done a shit ton of worldbuilding for the mcdonalds v burger king third life au #but that is a post for another day #inthelittlewood #renthedog #cats words

[melusinealarice]

I saw someone ask for this, and I want it as-well so Im writing it

Finnick and reader (y/n) screwing in the arena as a “fuck you” to the capitol.

A final, fuck you

Annie doesn’t exist, quarter quel, no established relationships, just enemies to lovers, sexual tension and an axe to grind

Warnings: cursing, smut, angst, hunger games so yk, violence, mentions of prostitution, porn with a little plot, If you wanna skip there I’ll put a huge red heart right before ❤️❤️‍🔥🩷❣️

Backstory: reader is 23, district 4 won 70th games, family was killed,

“Look at you,” you turn around to see Finnick, and turn away covering your eyes. “You know there are children watching this Odair, wanna put some clothes on? Or leave anything to the imagination?” You say, “ouch, feisty.” He retorts, tossing a sugar cube up catching it between his teeth. “What are you? 12?” You say rolling my eyes at him. God he is such a peacock, and it pisses you off so much. He just thinks he is god’s gift to man. “12 inches deep in your mom.” He says playing into the character. You try my best not to laugh, and Finnick can tell, “you wanna laugh and you know it.” He says, a smirk on his face. “Funny, hilarious actually, it almost made me not want to kill myself.” You roll your eyes, regaining your composure. “Well, we wouldn’t want that now would we, who would be the pretty girl on my arm?” He says eyeing me up and down, “we are wearing the same thing (y/n). You have no leverage here.” He says. “Yes, it seems ive lost my clothes, usually its just you dressed like a whore, i mean if the shoe fits.” You fire back, now it was your turn to smirk, “what? Cat got your tung?” His face falls, he looks, angry? He pulls you in so no one else can hear him. “Look (y/n), you dont know shit.” He whispers harshly, his grip on your arm tightening, his nails digging into the skin, you like the feeling. “So i’ll give you a warning, shut the fuck up.” He finishes before pulling away, his facade back on. “After you m’lady,” he says, a fake smile that looks teasing now, as he holds out a hand to help you into the carriage.

After that interaction meals are quiet, you had quit trying to talk with him, focusing on the task ahead, getting out of that arena, one way or another.

“(Y/n)?” Your stylist, Ines says snapping you back to the present, “what?” You ask. “Never-mind,” she says, waving if off. You’re about to enter the tube that will take you to the arena. “30 seconds remaining.” The speaker says. I step into the tube. “Good luck,” Ines says. “20 seconds remaining.” “Thank you,” you reply, “10 seconds” the tube closes, “5, 4, 3, 2, 1.” You start to move up. Sun hits your face, as your eyes ajust to the light you look around. Water, you’re completely surrounded by water, well, you know who this arena favors. You get ready as the count down starts. “60 seconds” you look around, Beetee and Chaff are on either side of you. “50 seconds” you look at the cornucopia, you’re facing it’s mouth, there are throwing knives relatively close to you. “40 seconds” you look for Johanna, the two of you made an alliance, she is your best friend and if you’re dying you wanted it to be with her. “30 seconds” you spot her, she is already looking at you. “20 seconds,” you get ready to dive into the water. “10,” you’re shaking, “9” This is really happening, “8” fuck. “7” just get to the cornucopia, “6” Dive as far out as you can, “5” get onto the rocks, “4” run as fast as you can, “3” dont trip “2” you’re ready, “1” shit. The cannon booms, you dive in, you pull myself onto the rocks and start running, not looking anywhere but forward. You make it to the cornucopia and grab the knives and the belt. The first cannon goes off, you look for Jo, and spot her, you run towards her, “Fight them off, Ill get Beetee and Wirus!” She yells, you throw your knife, it finds it’s way into a tribute’s chest, cannon, you throw a few more. “LETS GO!” You shout to Jo, “ok come on follow me!” She starts down a strip of rock, you dive in swimming along side her. You all make it to the beach and run into the cover of the jungle.

“Ok wait stop.” You say after a few minutes of running, “lets stop here and talk strategy.” “Good idea,” says Jo. “I think we should play evasive until we have no choice.” Says Beetee. You all agree. After a minute or two of talking Blight talks, “ok, lets keep moving, we’ll walk as far into the jungle as we can.” He says, “alright, take the lead.” You say, motioning for him to start. Jo and you bring up the rear, half defending half talking and joking. “Would you two focu-” blight starts to say but he is cut off. “RAIN!” You scream, tilting your face to the sky, but something is off, Jo notices it aswell, you all exchange confused looks. “Oh shit.” You say with Jo. Suddenly the ‘rain’ turns into down pour, but its not rain, its blood. Thick hot blood. You can barley see in-front of of you. Jo grabs your hand “RUN!” blight screams, starting to run forward, you start to follow as best you can but he hits something. It throws him back. “WAIT WAIT! STOP!” Beetee screams, “its a force field, other way!” He screams, the cannon goes off. “Damn it!” Jo screams, you turn around. Stumbling blind, you trudge through the jungle, only knowing where the others are by hearing their voices. “THE BEACH! I SEE THE BEACH!” Jo screams, and you follow her voice.

You get to the beach around the same time as Jo. You hug each-other, a few seconds later Beetee emerges with Wirus. She is freaking out, you all are covered in blood. As Jo tries to coax Wirus out of the tree line you are checking the surroundings. “JOHANNA!” You hear, you turn drawing a knife, its just Finnick. But you dont put the knife back tho. “FINNICK!” She screams back. He starts running to her. Sometimes you can’t believe they are friends. As you look past, you see Katniss and Peeta, you clutch your knife tighter seeing she has her bow drawn. Johanna starts explaining the situation to Finnick, but Wirus starts getting on Jo’s nerves, who is already stressed out and pissed off. “Tik tok, tik tok,” she repeats over and over like a mad woman grabbing Jo. “OKAY OKAY!” Jo screams pushing her off. “Hey, HEY, LEAVE HER ALONE!” Katniss screams running up and pushing Jo, she draws an arrow. You look around, Peeta, perfect! You draw your dagger and before anyone can react you put him in a headlock, holding the dagger to his throat. “HEY!” You scream, Katniss turns, aiming her bow at you.“Let him go.” She comands, as if she has any authority in the situation. “Leave Jo the fuck alone, we just ran through fucking blood!” You yell back. She fires her arrow, but you dodge out of the way taking Peeta with you. “Shoot it again, I fucking dare you! This time, I’ll move lover boy right in the line of fire, try me!” You scream at her, pressing the knife harder into Peeta’s neck. He puts his hands up in surrender. “Woah woah, calm down.” Finnick says stepping in between the two of you. “Dont tell me to ‘calm down’! SHE HAS A KNIFE TO PEETA’S TROAT!” Katniss screams at Finnick, “How about we all put our weapons down,” Peeta says, pleading to Katniss. “Shut up.” You sneer, moving your knife to tilt his head up. “Ok look, Katniss, she just thought you were gonna hurt Jo, are you gonna hurt Jo?” Finnick asks Katniss, telling her the right answer, “No.” She says, arrow still in place. Finnick exhales, Katniss must realize your too good to be stubborn with. “See, now, (y/n) let Peeta go,” he says. “I’ll drop my dagger, but im not letting him go till she drops the bow.” You drop the knife. “Katniss, will you please drop your bow?” Finnick says, he knows, you’ll kill him, right here, right now, and that’s exactly what he needs to not happen. She drops her bow. “If you try anything I swear to god i’ll snap your fuckin neck.” You whisper in his ear, he nods. You let him go, with hands still in the air he walk to katniss. “Okay, good, we’re all stressed lets just cool off,” Finnick says walking to you. “Im fine,” you say grabbing your dagger. “No your not, your mad and you’re gonna do something stupid.” He says grabbing you and throwing you over his shoulder. “FINNICK! FINNICK WHAT THE FUCK! PUT ME DOWN- I SWEAR TO GOD ILL KILL YOU!” You scream squirming around. “Calm down” he says dunking you in the water a few times before straight up dropping you into it. You stand up, wiping the water from your eyes, still pissed off, just at him. He laughs, “god you know, you look so… cute when your mad.” He says, still laughing. “Oh fuck off Odair.” You say turning away from him. You wash the blood off as he turns and walks back to the beach. Jo joins you, washing the blood off her. Once you are both done yall go back to the beach, sitting together on the sand.

Some time passes, “Im gonna go get water.”you say getting up and walking into the jungle. Really you just wanna be alone for a little. It peaceful until you hear a scream, it’s Katniss’s name, but its not a tribute. “PRIM” you hear her scream in the distance, shit. You try and ignore it, not your circus, not your monkeys. You hear another scream. “FINNICK!” “FINNICK HELP ME!” What? But thats not possible, you’re not screaming. But its your voice. “(Y/N)” you hear him scream back. “DAMNIT ODAIR!” You scream to no one in particular, your circus, your monkeys. You run towards the screams but run, into a wall? But it’s clear, and it doesn’t throw you back like the force field did with Blight, you cant hear any screams anymore. “(Y/N)! Over here!” Jo beckons to you. You walk over to her. “What is this?” You quickly regret asking as Beetee starts going on about some science stuff. “Okay, okay.” Jo says cutting him off. You look to see Katniss on the ground covering he ears as birds swoop in. “Jabber-Jays, DAMNIT, I HATE SNOW! FUCK YOU, CANT YOU JUST FUCKING DIE ALREADY! HOW ABOUT YOU COME DOWN HERE AND WE CAN FIGHT YOU PUSSY!” You scream up at the sky, Jo is smiling, Wirus is mentally gone, Peeta is staring at you like you’ve lost your mind and Beete is just not saying anything. “Finnick flipped out when he heard your screams,” Jo says sitting beside you. Finnick is currently on the ground as well, but he looks up for a brief moment, long enough to see you, and you see some of the worry in his face leave, you look back at Jo but he stays staring at you. You look at Jo, a look of confusion on your face but you know exactly what’s going on because you’ve felt is aswell.

❤️

The hour is up, you run up to Finnick, holding his head, “shit, im so sorry” you say, he straightens hugging you back, it’s strong, and he smells like the ocean. Katniss is worried about her sister, “they aren’t gonna do anything to Prim.” Peeta says. “He’s right ya know, the whole country  loves your sister, if they ever did anything to her, forget the districts, there would be riots in the damn capitol. HEY HOW DOES THAT SOUND SNOW? WHAT IF WE, WHAT IF WE SET YOUR BACKYARD ON FIRE? YA KNOW YOU CANT PUT EVERYBODY IN HERE!” Jo screams, waving her axe around. Katniss and Peeta stare at her in absolute terror, its almost funny. “What? He can’t hurt me. There’s no one left that I love.” She says, “im gonna go get some water.” She leaves. “Lets go scout out the area Finnick,” you say. The two of you get up and walk away. You walk for a few minutes in silence before Finnick breaks it. “Im so fucking ma-” but you cut him off, backing against a tree and pulling him with you into a kiss. Its rough and passionate but hungry. “Fuck,” you pant out. “God you’re hot,” he says kissing down your neck. “Wait, what about the Capitol?” You say before he draws a whine from you, sucking on a sweet spot. “Fuck them, now they’ll know how I really feel.” His voice is low and raspy, his eyes filled with lust. You pull his zipper to the wetsuit down revealing his abs and arms and fuck, he might be god’s gift to you. “Is this really, the best, place?” You say in between pants and moans as he peels the wetsuit off your body, grabbing your breasts and massaging them, making you push back into the tree throwing your head back in pleasure. “I dont want to die never having done this with you sweetheart.” He growls into the crest of your neck. “Mhm oh god, me neither.” You say as you feel his bulge against your stomach. On instinct you start to grind on it. “Fuck thats it.” He says, groaning as he throws his head back in pleasure, “please,” you whine, he brings the rest of your wetsuit down and picks you up, wrapping your legs around his waist. You shimmy his suit down the rest of the way, pulling him out. He groans at the contact, “Fuck, you’ve hardly touched me and look at how worked up I am,” he says, lining up with you. “Oh darling, you’re so fuckin wet for me” he coos, running his tip along my slit eliciting a whimper from you as you grab his hair. He pushes into you with a groan. “You feel so good (Y/n)” he says, moaning your name. It sounds so right coming from his mouth. You clench around him and he lets out a loud groan, his nails digging into your arm, you like it, so much more this time. “Fuck, Finn,” you whine out. “Yea good girl, say my name, tell them all who’s making you feel so good, im making you mine (y/n)” he groans, thrusting into you faster and your moaning and whimpering around him, he feels so good, so so good, “so so so good, finn, mhm dont stop.” You whine out, yanking his hair harder, closing your eyes. “Open those pretty eyes for me,” you whine in protest, “now or I stop.” He forces your eyes open, looking into his as he fucks you harder, hitting all the right spots, getting all the best noises. You can feel how close you are, and so can he. “Finnickk.” You whine out, “I know, me too,” he grunts out, moving his hand to rub your aching clit, “yes, right there, please oh god oh god FIN!” You cry out as you cum for him, “fuck sweetheart you sound so pretty, you feel so good.” You whine and your hips buck up trying to get away from the overstimulation, “Finnickkk, please I can’t,” you whimper out, still shaking from your first orgasm, “Im close sweetheart.” He says his pace picking up, his fingers still working your clit. He hits the spot deep in you that has you seeing stars. You moan his name, as a second orgasm hits you, “Oh god Finnick, finnick,” you moan his name like a chant it feels so good, “Im gonna cum (y/n)” he grunts out, his thrusts getting sloppy before he cums inside of you, moaning your name and burying his face in your neck as he thrusts in a few more times. “God, you did so so good sweetheart” he pants out.

You both regain your dignity before turning to face up and flipping off the world. A final fuck you to the capitol.

The end, hope you liked it ❤️

Funny story, as I was writing the smut while my playlist was on shuffle, Ronan by Taylor Swift started playing, so I had to take a break and cry. 😃 so if the smut sucks thats why, it killed my mood. Then my cat came in and needed my attention.

#fanfic #hunger games #reader insert #the hunger games #finnick odair smut #finnick imagine #romance #my fic

[starry-bi-sky]

honestly your dpxdc clone au gives me life, its adorable as all hell and im a sucker for found family but with that being said, its so freaking hysterical to me that Danny is going full feral liminal menace at Wes any time hes near and Wes himself is still 100% into it the freak (affectionate) and thats not even pointing out the paralles it could possible create since danny and dames gives massive parallels to dick and damian and dick does have a thing for redheads.

yeesSSSSS! I was planning on hoarding this to myself but i can't not reply. and i'll be able to find this again with the clone^2 tag so win WIN. i'm so glad you are as delighted by this as me. It's so hilarious to me that Danny just becomes a complete freak whenever he spots Wes, and I'm the one who wrote it into existence. Like- like i don't know how to explain my vision in words but like, its like Danny sees Wes and immediately goes 'what can I do to make his day worse'. And then he goes and does it.

(honorary read more because i talk a lot)

He's relatively normal around his friends too, which makes him going full-fledged unhinged around Wes even funnier to me. Like, Danny will spout weird shit sometimes to Sam and Tucker, but usually its prefaced with him talking about patrol or there would be context before he said anything. With Wes? Though?? he will just. say anything, completely unprompted. Slings an arm around his shoulder like they've been buddies since primary school and then spits out a weird new fun fact he learned about the bodily anatomy while researching his latest cold case. All vaguely-threatening but utterly insane things to say as way to start a conversation.

And sometimes its not even that, he'll walk up to Wes and ask him if he saw the latest daytime fight between Phantom and Skulker. And then he'll say "yeah i missed it myself but I saw clips of it being posted online" and then watch Wes mentally explode him with his mind. or he'll disparage Phantom for having such a young partner with him, "Can you believe he'd let a kid fight ghosts with him? I'd never let my brother ghosthunt with me if I was Phantom."

All of this with such a deceptive look on his face but the most delighted, shit-eating gleam in his eyes. Wes is chewing glass and he wants to yell that he does let his brother fight ghosts with him. Also you told him yourself that nothing would've stopped your demonic (Wes' words) little brother from joining you.

Damian gets in on the fuckery occasionally, but since he's not around often with Wes about, it doesn't happen nearly as often as it does between Wes and Danny. Sam and Tucker know he's screwing with him too, and both of them are a little wary about him being careless with his secret id. But he's been doing this since he was 14-ish and it hasn't backfired yet. So. They're not actively stopping him.

Danny walks back to his lunch table after terrorizing Wes and Tucker just asks him what he said, because Wes was about as red as a tomato when he walked away. Danny offhandedly sighs and innocently says he tried to have a conversation about Phantom with him. Wes didn't seem to like it all that much. Weird.

And yes, yes. Wes is totally into it and is slightly enraged about this fact, because not even he knows why he's into it. The freak (affectionate). Danny gives him this troublemaker smirk, and i did say smirk, and Wes doesn't know whether or not if he wants to smack him or kiss him. Or both. Like, yeah, pine, white boy, pine.

(And this is a dramatized image but I'm also highly entertained by the idea that Wes keeps getting routine dirty looks from various peers because they, too, have a crush on Fenton. Except Fenton doesn't talk to anyone else unless its his friends and sometimes Valerie, and Weston, the guy who keeps accusing him of being the local vigilante, is somehow routinely having conversations with him?? And BLOWING IT?? Like everyone else thinks he's fumbling so bad, and yet fenton keeps tALKING to him.)

And yes!! i'm always so pleased whenever someone brings up the parallels D+D have to Dick and Damian, because that was lowkey my intention when I was making the solo clone damian au. Although it was supposed to be more implied since I don't really know much about Damian and Dick other than they're very close and Dick was Damian's Batman for a year. And then of course the very smaller parallel (??) 'what if' between Bruce and Damian and D+D in clone^2 considering who they are both clones of.

And man this just makes me want to talk about when batfam meet D+D because I just want them to see D+D be so brotherly towards each other. Like I want them to see Bby Dames wearing his goofy fun fact shirts and stealing Danny's hoodies/flannels/etc and blatantly lying about it when Danny asks. Only for Danny to then throw him over his shoulder like Tadashi from BH3 and jump around.

And also. I do not know what Damian Wayne's (DW as I'll call him) stance on being called "Dami" is - the general consensus I've seen is that its usually used as a playful nickname in order to get a rise out of him, and he doesn't really like it.

But baby Dames being called that freely, and often, and its sometimes used to get a rise out of him but thats typically what nicknames do. Its used as easily as his full name is with the same amount of affection. And its like his main go-to nickname. "Dami" and "Dames" with the occasional "Bud/Buddy", "Squirt", "Little man", etc. Not once is he ever called 'demon-spawn'

(which i know is a fanon nickname but its a relatively popular nickname)

but yeah, uhhh. i think thats all of my thoughts on the matter. for now lmAO

#danny fenton is not the ghost king #clone^2 #i use 'like' so much its not even funny jhdf but it just puts an emphasis on the sentence #honorary read more tag bc damn i talk a lot #i should make a post about danny's relationship with red huntress in the clone^2 au because i like to imagine that's different too #anyways danny and wes' dynamic in clone^2 brings me a lot of joy. they get stuck in a room together and danny gets the biggest grin ever #and wes stares at him before going completely deadpan 'im in hell'. he's being dramatic and only slightly for real. #also im not sure WHAT damian does - honestly the most extreme thing i can think of is him breaking into wes' house and threatening him #but wes has called him danny's 'demonic little brother' ever since. sOMEbody has to give him his 'demon' nickname its just not gonna be #danny or jazz who do it. anyways damian fully supports messing with wes and anyone else who has a crush on danny

[cantwritethetword]

Biceps? Really?

Fic Descript: Superman finds out Batman has a very odd ticklish spot, and of course has to tease Bruce half to death over it.

~A/N  - HELLO ONCE AGAIN

Look at me being somewhat consistent with uploads SDJFHKALSDFJHKH amazing what meds can do

I've had these requests in my inbox for aaaaaages (im so sorry) and I feel like I can finally write something for them.

Prompts were:

Please excuse the typos and the "it's ok that this will be s(H)ort" cause that was back when I was like super burnt out AND unmedicated lmao so I was like OH JUST A LIL FIC YOU CAN DO IT but this will be a proper one lmao

Also lmao forgive me for the super boring title I couldn't think of another one.

EDIT: ALSO AGSKAGSKAGD ILL HAVE IT BE KNOWN I USE DARK MODE ON MOBILE THIS WAS ON MY LAPTOP AND IDK HOW TO GET TUMBLR TO BE DARK MODE ON LAPTOP HENCE THE WHITE SCREENSHOTS THANK YOU THAT IS ALL

- Enoy! ~

Tag List: @constanteyeburn

Masterpost Link 

"I still..." Bruce huffed as he lay on the floor, glaring at his partner. "Don't get... why you're still so surprised... every time we do this."

Clark, the absolute puppy dog, was still beaming after launching yet another random tickle attack on Bruce. Since first discovering the Batman's hilarious (and quite frankly adorable) little weakness, it was like crack for Clark. Any time he had the opportunity, he launched himself at Bruce and just started squeezing. And, because Bruce was just that damn ticklish, the poor superhero couldn't last ten seconds before crumbling into a flood of chuckles.

"I don't know." Clark grinned. "You don't seem like the ticklish type, is all. Never have."

Bruce rolled his eyes, before starting to stand up. "I am not the ticklish type."

"Uh, oh yes you are!" Clark laughed, reaching to grab Bruce's arm. "And where do you think you're going?"

Normally, Bruce's response to this would be a swift bat (hehe) at Clark's hand to push it away from him as he stood, and an even swifter escape before Clark decided to go for round 2 (it had happened before, and Bruce swore he would've passed out if Clark hadn't taken pity on him).

But this time, whatever way Clark grabbed Bruce's arm, sent electric shivers coursing down Bruce's side. Bruce let out a yelp, and half-collapsed onto one knee.

Clark gasped, his face like a kid on Christmas morning. "No way."

"Clark." Bruce's eye's widened as he pieced together what had just happened. "That wasn't-"

"Wasn't what?" Clark interjected, pulling Bruce closer to him using the aforementioned grabbed bicep.

The tugging motion pressed Clark's fingers right into Bruce's muscle again, forcing a symphony of strange noises, squeaks, and choked laughs out of the absolutely screwed superhero. As Bruce fell, Clark expertly manoeuvered him onto his back (for the second time that day) so that Clark could kneel on his forearms.

"What the hell Kent?" Bruce grunted, pulling his tough-guy facade over his currently anxious and flustered self. "Let me go."

Clark chuckled. "Oh no, we're investigating this."

Bruce cursed under his breath. He remembered Clark's methodical tickle monster days all too well. When Superman himself had him pinned to the floor with no hope of escape, and took his sweet ass time tracing and prodding with various numbers of fingers on any tickle spot that came to mind.

This time would be no different. Clark began with his thumbs, massaging small circles into the very center of Bruce's muscle.

And holy fuck did it tickle.

Bruce's entire torso tried to lift itself off the floor for a moment, his eyes wide in shock at just how bad it was, before his body slammed back onto the floor and flailed. His legs kicked a ticklish drum beat as the highest pitched giggle either man had ever heard escaped his lips.

"Wow you're ticklish here!" Clark laughed over the noise. "I can't believe this is even possible!"

"SHUTUP!" Bruce shouted between bouts of hysterics, twisting his hips from side to side to alleviate the torturous sensations.

"Seriously though," Clark continued as if nothing was even happening. "Ticklish biceps? You've got to be kidding me."

"CLARK!"

Superman nodded to himself, resting his hands on his thighs. "You're right, you're right, it's time to move on to something else."

Bruce gulped in mouthfuls of air before registering what Clark was implying. "No-... wait-..."

Ten feather-light fingernails touched down right above Bruce's armpit and paused for a moment, soaking in the anticipation. Clark didn't have a chance to start moving before Bruce broke into deep streams of laughter.

"Really, Batman?" Clark taunted. "Breaking that easily?"

"Fuhuhuck ohoff."

Superman rolled his eyes, before trailing down Bruce's biceps from elbow to underarm. That singular smooth movement upped Bruce's laughter by a few pitches, a good sign for what was to come.

Clark lifted his hands and reset them back to their starting position on Bruce's arm, before letting his fingers begin their descent once more.

Except this time, each finger took its turn to softly trace up a few inches before lifting and straightening again while his wrist moved further to Bruce's elbow. Like two gliding spiders, Clark's hands pulled downright squeals from Bruce.

"NOHO!" The Batman pleaded. "I CAHAN'T- CAHAN'T TAKE IHIT!"

Smirking, Clark tutted. "Oh come on, you're usually so tough!"

But, now that he thought about it, Bruce was rather red by this point (and not just from sheer embarrassment). And while it certainly was fun tormenting the usually far too stoic superhero, the fun could wait for another day.

Clark wasn't forgetting about this any time soon.

#crow's tickle fic #superbat tickle fic

[akarisandraws]

What's your big opinion on every Sonic character don't skip any detail

Dude, do you know how many sonic characters are there?

Like a lot. So im gonna keep it on the main ones LOLL

Maybe i'll add to this tho. We'll see.

HERE WE GO!!

Sonic: He's my favourite character of all times! Such a funky fella. I love his way of thinking, (as in everyone deserves second chances and freedom is important) and of acting, with the whole attitude. He gives me a sense of freedom that i haven't felt from any other media at all! Its quite impressive honestly. I could write pages upon pages on how Sonic as a character is like the peak of literature in my eyes, but this post would get way too long. In summary tho, i like almost every aspect of Sonic the Character.

Tails: The baby! I also really love tails! I think his role as a sideckick is very endearing, and is a great balance to sonic in all possible ways. One problem with modern Tails, though. He's portrayed as a coward. And like??? That's not who he is?? Like C'mon sega.

Knuckles: He don't chuckle!! Final part of team Sonic, and Sonic's first rival! I really like the knucklehead. But as is the norm, Sega screwed him up badly on Boom. I despise that they're supposed to be the same Knuckles. Because they're not. I like Boom Knuckles, as his own character, but granted, Boom is an acquired taste.

Amy: Honorary part of team sonic! I love her! Mostly on the IDW Comics. I think they handle her excellently in there. I know that Amy is a hated character by the fanbase because most say that her only purpose is to be the "girl character love interest" and i can agree up to some point in some games, but in IDW she's sooo much better. We stan IDW Sonic.

Shadow: Yet another case of Sega making character assassination. Shadow's like, one of the most complex sonic characters there are, If not THE most complex one. And i love that! Though im very sad that Sega hasn't been able to replicate that SA2 Magic quite as well. Will SonicXShadow (heh) give him justice? Stay tuned.

Rouge: MY GIRL!! Ok so controversial opinion, Rouge's my second favourite sonic character, just because i think its hilarious that she (once) was the leader of team Dark. So She commanded a killing machine and An alien experiment. What a girlboss! 10/10 Character.

Omega: Gotta be honest, not much of an omega fan. But i really like his dynamic w/Rouge and Shadow. It's pretty sweet that they become friens :)

Cream: The other baby! I think she's the sweetest character. Like fr. I really want to see her more often on the games! Though i get why in recent games she hasn't appeared. Suddenly the adventures got way too serious. Still want her back in the games though!

Blaze: Fire princess! I fr am so salty that she isn't as much in the games. Like, what gives? She's such a successful character (With good reason btw) and you arent like, putting her in the stage?? outrageous. But yeah, i really Like Blaze. Her contrast and similarities with sonic are great! They make a great duo too.

Silver: The sweetest most unhinged boi in the sonic canon. I find it very funny that in his first appearance he was all angsty and stuff, but now he's full on optimism and sunshine. I love the juxtaposition on that behalf. Boi is cute but he can mess you up.

The Chaotix: Oh i love the found family trope. Espio's my fave for sure. He's the funny ninja, what else do you want? Though Vector and Charmy are great too. Vector has such a cool ass dad vibe. And Charmy... is Charmy. if yk yk.

AAAAND I think i'll leave it there. Should i include someone else? lmk.

Thanks for the ask!

-Akari

#WOOO LONGPOST #long post #sonic the hedgehog #sonic #sth #the chaotix #charmy bee #vector #vector the crocodile #espio the chameleon #silver the hedgehog #silver #blaze sonic #blaze the cat #cream the rabbit #e 123 omega #rouge the bat #knuckles #knuckles the echidna #shadow the hedgehog #amy rose #tails the fox #miles tails prower #akaritalkz #akaridraws #akarianswers

[chaoticedward]

so likeeee what’s your opinion on freedom fries(soldier x spy)?? imo i love them very very very much and im so starved of any content of them that just seeing them next to each other i go “GAYYYY?????” so i will gladly appreciate any content of them if you don’t mind!!!

ANON YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE HOW HAPPY I AM THAT YOU ASKED THAT; my thoughts on this ship are long as hell so its under the cut but tldr i love them so much

i ADORE freedom fries with my entire heart!!! i think they dynamic between these two is just so hilarious like it would never ever ever work in theory but in practice these two idiots compliment each other's personalities so well. its not even like "book smarts x street smarts" which is what im usually into its like. "complete lunatic x extremely fancy gentleman with 0 patience for idiocy" but somehow soldier slipped through the cracks. theres just something that draws spy to him. im not sure what it is and i dont think spy knows what it is either but he is just so so infatuated with solly

i think that maybe spy has this internal need to "protect" soldier from his own stupidity (man can and will get himself hurt, i mean thats just canon) and i think he'd get really mad and say "dont you ever do that again!!!!" to solly a lot when he does stupid stuff, but solly just smiles in response and spy melts into his arms and everything is okay.

ofc i think solly cares a lot too but hes def a little nervous!! he really doesnt want to screw things up and probably tries to prove that he can be a gentleman every now and then (ending in horrible failure, which then ends with the two laughing and kissing) but usually he is just absolutely himself around spy and spy just adores him and his unpredictability

i actually have a whole tf2 fanfic thats abt 115,000 words long (im a huge writer) where freedom fries takes place for a little bit (but things dont work out since the Spy is a Spy, and soldier and engineer have some history) but i REALLY want to write another fic where they do work out because i essentially only included them in the story becuase i. simply wanted to indulge my love for this ship fskjfs if i ever do any freedom fries drabbles ill post them with art!

PLS PLS PLS if you have any freedom fries ideas or headcanons send them in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i will very gladly draw them!!!!

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 soldier #tf2 spy #spy x soldier #freedom fries #asks #my art

[welcometoteyvat]

waterborne poetry reactions (belated) (long post)

XINGQIU GOT FUCKING SMASHED IN THIS EVENT. BULLYING XINGQIU HOURS I LOVE TO SEE IT (affectionate)

bro got roasted for his handwriting, is Baffled by the mondstadters, then spends an entire day missing out on [whatever that was] and STILL DOESNT HAVE A CLUE WHAT HAPPENED HAHAHA im sorry i love bullying him

please never tell xingqiu whats going on it's payback <3

CHONGYUN DIONA AND MIKA. i need to hold them omg,,,, i was using freminet to wander around so in my heart they r just 4 cryo kids in a terrarium what will they do!! that combo was quite cute

CHONGYUN YANG MODE?!?!?!?!?! ON SCREEN??????? WAAAAHHHHHHHHH

he was adorable ;;;;;___;;;;; his little eye sparkles and the jumping T_T also the near-rap speed that his lines were delivered in was hilarious (thank you kinsen for ur service)

my son.... please never feed him chilis again

CHONGYUN IMPACT. that's all

now full of unfounded hope that chongyun will someday get an event about his pure yang spirit since they mentioned it a fair few times here

give him the deep lore he deserves

also XIAOYUN?!?!?!?! (only seeing what i want to see) THEY TALKED!!!! IN PERSON ON SCREEN THEY TALKED AND XIAO WASNT DISPARAGING!!!! im sorry this is what a rarepair with no food does to a mf

xiaolumi so strong (or xiaother if u prefer)

oughguhguhg the rhyming couplets part was SOOOO CUTE!! idk they did good with the pacing of the banter i think 🥺

adding onto that the camera angles and cuts this event were actually really nice and creative i think. they made it more engaging (the quick pan from chongyun to xingqiu at the end of the 3rd act, hu tao popping out from behind venti's shoulders during the couplet exchange, etc) it was REALLY good really funny. added to the experience a lot <3

Also venti zhongli are truly the most archon old friends ever

that cutscene was actually so pretty. It's drawn in the same style as Lyney's: very textured lines, slightly reminscent of linocuts, quite a few handdrawn parts, especially where there's water/liquid movement present, etc. Maybe this is a Fontaine style animated cutscene, since the oceanids and lyney are both from there? anyways. i'm intrigued—I wanna see if there are regional cutscene styles or something (that'd be very impressive)

the "close ur eyes paimon/diona" line was so fucking funny. traveler's been the third wheel a bunch of times but never this explicitly

also ! for people icked out by the morality of kid finch's crush on the oceanid: it is Fiction with a capital F

on the one hand I agree with the above sentiment, but it's also just funny to think about. first canon monsterfucker ? /JJJJJJJJJJJJJ don't kill me for that joke

Real thoughts: I think it was actually really sweet how he fell in love with a fairytale. Someone said the oceanid could've been aromantic coded to make their love story more morally palatable; I agree, it would've been cool if she was aro, but I don't think their romantic relationship is like somehow terrible and gross either

overall ending was really mid tbh, I appreciate the character growth of everyone who was on screen but literally all the other characters just disappeared. It was really unsatisfying lol especially for an event that was supposed to be hte gathering/unison of mond and liyue

would've been better if the second day's rhyming couplets ended the event I think; you'd have to tweak it to fit the mood of the oceanid/finch reveal but literally anything works, the ending was so anticlimactic

overall event: 10/10 for giving me the character interactions I wanted, and those that I never knew I needed, 5/10 because the minigames are. not the best, I get the intentions but the execution could've been better. And then 5/10 for story arc (heavily influenced by how mid the ending was LMAO)

I want to go through all the poems and their english translations because I Know somethings gonna get screwed up and I'm also just curious as to how they translated it

#oh also. chongyun diona something i never knew i needed #very disappointed that hu tao disappeared though!! like come on even how they wrote her out was so lazy #same can be said for xq and noelle though like thats foul 'oh theyre just busy' LIKE ???? WHY WERENT THEY BUSY YESTERDAY #ramblings! #liveblog insanity #waterborne poetry #4.1 spoilers #genshin spoilers #event spoilers #waterborne poetry spoilers #genshin impact #xiaoyun

[an-evergreen-rose]

the secret is out (Yelena Belova x Reader)

reader x Yelena Belova (romantic) x Natasha Romanoff

Warning: Natasha being mean basically, harsh words, slight smut, Top!Yelena, Bottom! reader, swearing

Summary: you and Yelena have been dating for a while, but her sister doesn't know...yet.

----------------

When you first met Yelena, you knew you were screwed. Gorgeous green eyes that locked into you instantly when Natasha introduced her to the team, ring covered fingers that you just couldn't keep your eyes off, wondering how they would feel wrapped around your throat. God, you hoped that Wanda couldn't read your mind right now.

With weeks of stolen glances and some very frustrating training sessions, Yelena finally kissed you as she pinned you down on the mats. Starting off your relationship with the widow.

--

"You know, you could always just… give up" Yelane smirked, watching as you looked up to her from the floor, you resting on your elbows as you lay on your back. She loved seeing you like this.

"In your dreams," you fought back with a breathless huff. But you were in her dreams, under her, consumed by her, giving in to her touch.

"Always," Yelena whispered as you got up.

After a few more rounds, where you could confidently say that you did put up a good fight, Yelena eventually couldn't take it anymore, the skin on skin contact, the noises you made, the way you grabbed onto her, and how good you looked underneath her.

She swept your legs from under you, quickly climbing on top of you, trapping you under her weight as her hands grabbed yours, holding them above your head. Her face was so close to yours, panting as you looked into her eyes. You noticed how her eyes scanned your face, resting on your lips, yours managing to find hers also.

When her lips connected with yours it was hot, needy, and everything you'd hoped for. Her hips grounded firmly into yours, taking her free hand to reach for your neck, gently grazing her thumb over your throat.

When the air between you became lost, your foreheads rested together, your breathing slowly turning into a small giggle.

"What?" Yelena asked, smiling at your giddy state.

"Took your time."

Yelena let out a laugh, "Shut up."

--

Now, you two were stuck sneaking around each other's rooms, because, like you said before, you were completely screwed.

You were dating the world's most dangerous assassin's baby sister, and she didn't fucking know.

The woman who was your mentor, who trained you, patched you up, and who you would also like to say was your friend (hopefully). And she was very protective of her little sister.

To say you were scared would be an understatement. Every time she looked at you, you thought you were going to implode, a confession spilling right from your lips followed by a string of 'im sorry's and 'please don't kill me.

Yelena thought it was hilarious how on edge you got whenever Nat entered the room. How your body was going all stiff, your eyes raced and your words faltered. But she also understood your reasoning behind it, even she got scared of her sister sometimes, not that she would admit it though.

--

"Hey, have you seen Yelena?" Natasha asked you, as you stood making yourself some lunch.

"N-no. No-why would I- why would I know where she is? Why would you think that… I would know - cause I don't. I don't know where she is… no."

Wanda couldn't stop the smile on her face whilst she watched in amusement at your embarrassing attempt at a simple yes or no answer and Natasha gave you a confused eyebrow raise at your response.

"…okay."

"Real smooth, Y/n," the witched laughed when Natasha had left the kitchen.

"shut up."

--

Topless. On Yelena's lap. Her tongue down your throat. Her hands palming at your brests. Your moans fill her bedroom. The movie is long forgotten.

This was how you spent most nights together, sneaking into each other's rooms. You loved it. The rush of all the lingering stares throughout the day, the passing touch of her hand on the small of your back, you linking your pinky with hers under the table. And it all lead up to the heart of the night when you could finally be with her for real.

However, not everything goes how you want it to. And not everyone knows how to knock on the door before entering a room.

"What the fuck." was all you heard before your senses kicked back in.

Your head flung towards the door where you saw the redhead, her arms crossed and her eyes glaring hard.

"Oh fuck-" you blurted out, jumping off Yelena's lap, falling off the bed as you scrambled for your top to cover yourself with. Yelena quickly stood in front of you, already having her top on, attempting to shield you away from Natasha's hard stare until you were decent.

"Have you ever heard of nocking Nat?" Yelena huffed. But Natasha didn't answer, her jaw locked in fury at finding you with her sister.

"Nat, I-" you tried.

"Don't call me that." She snapped back

"Hey, don't speak to her like that!" Your girlfriend fought back, as you stood up behind her.

"Look, Natasha, I'm sorry. We were going to tell you-"

"How long?" She interrupted, but the venom in her voice made you terrified to answer. "I said, how fucking long."

You knew how ruthless Natasha could be, she was famous for her interrogations, she did go off the books sometimes, but no one would confront her about it. But now, you were on the receiving end of it, and it scared the life out of you.

All the time you spent getting to know the redhead, the friendly conversations, the times when she was your shoulder to cry on when you got back from a rough mission. All that was gone. You were her target now.

"Don't make me ask you again, Y/n." She snarled as she took a step forwards.

"Get out," Yelena said firmly, stepping in front of her sister, blocking her from you. Although she was smaller, the younger assassin showed no fear.

Natasha looked at her sister, then over her shoulder to where you stood small, messing with rings on your fingers - which she suspected belonged to her sister. A small smile fell on her lips as she thought to herself. "I'll see you in training tomorrow, Y/n."

"Natasha-" Yelena tried to object, not sure what her sister's intentions were with you, but she couldn't help but think the worst. But Nat stood tall, her eyes still fixed on you, "If I were you, I wouldn't be late."

With that, she left.

You couldn't stop the overwhelming flood of emotions as the woman you respected the most, the woman that took you under her wing and let you into her family had looked at you like you were nothing. Spoken to you like you were dirt. You had lost her trust.

"Y/n," Yelena whispered, stroking your cheek, wiping away the tear that had fallen from your sorrowful eyes. "I'm sorry, detka. I'll go talk to her, she shouldn't have spoken to you like that."

"No… I - I deserved it. I lied to her." you whispered.

"Honey, no," she looked at you, her eyes finding yours, "She was mean to you, she shouldn't have treated you like that. I'm sorry, I didn't do anything sooner I... I didn't know she would react like that detka, I'm sorry-"

Her words fell short as you pulled her body against yours, gripping her tightly as you let out a small sob, the weight of everything that had happened hitting you all at once. She wrapped her arms around you and held you tightly, rubbing you back as she let out some soothing whispers in your ear.

...

The next morning, you looked into the mirror with anticipation, tying your hair up as you let out a long breath.

"I can go with you Y/n, you know?" Yelena reminded you, looking at your worried face through the mirror as she sat up in bed, resting against the headboard.

"I think she might just kill me if she sees me with you again, Lena." you tried to joke, but Yelena could see that you weren't 100% sure if it was actually a joke or not. "I'll see you after."

Yelena gave you a knowing smile, "I'll be waiting, detka."

…

The doors to the gym felt heavier today as you entered, the weight of them slamming loudly, announcing your presence to Natasha. She raised her eyebrow as she looked at you, then at the clock on the wall.

"Two minutes early," she said, "good choice."

"Natasha-" you tried.

"You should warm up. We're sparing today."

Shit.

Stretching as best as you could, and mentally trying to brace yourself for what was about to happen, you stepped under the ropes of the ring, turning to look towards the redhead. She noticed your nervous expression, similar to the one you wore when you were first promoted to the avengers. But this time, she didn't feel sorry for you. Because this time, you were fucking her sister behind her back.

Without any warning, she came for you, kicking you harshly in the stomach, leaving you no time to dodge.

"How long?" She asked again, as you gained your balance. But your hesitation angered her, so she left you with little time to block before her next harsh attack.

"You know," she said, as she held you tightly in a head lock, her arms almost blocking you from breathing. "If you answered my questions, this wouldn't be so bad for you."

With her words, you thought about your options; tell your mentor that you have been sneaking around with her little sister for almost 2 months now, or die from asphyxiation. You honestly did think about the latter for a second, but ultimately decided against it.

"The day before Tony's party." You replied breathlessly, as she slightly loosened her grip on you, signalling for you to carry on, "we were training together, you were away on a mission and she wanted to spar with someone, and well, you trained me well."

Nat's grip faltered slightly at your words, thinking back to all the time you did spend together, training you to be stronger, faster and more fearless. More like her. "So you really went behind my back, sneaking around when I wasn't even here." She spat back, tripping you to the ground. You didn't bother trying to get up, knowing fine well she would knock you straight back on the ground again. She had trained you well, but you were still no match for her skills.

"She kissed me." You rushed out. "And I kissed her back. because we both wanted to, Natasha. I care about your sister, so much. And I care about you." The redhead scoffed slightly, thinking back to all the lying.

"Doesn't seem like it, considering you kept it a secret."

"Can you blame me? Look at how you're reacting," you replied, gesturing to yourself after having been knocked down by her moments prior.

Natasha looked at you, down upon your body and to your face, and sighed. "She is one of the few people in my life who I would die for, Y/n." You stayed silent, deciding to let her speak. "If anyone were to hurt her, I want you to know, that I wouldn't hesitate to hurt them back. Or worse."

You couldn't help the small swallow you made at her words, "I know, Natasha. I don't want to hurt her, that was never my intention." You said sincerely. "I love her."

Natasha looked at you again, she knows how to read people, how to tell when they were lying, but she saw only the truth coming from you. You watched as the tension in her shoulders loosened as a small sigh left her lips. Reaching out her hand, she pulled you up.

"I meant what I said, Y/n. If you hurt her-"

You both turned your head to the door when you heard it close, watching as the blonde assassin walked over to you both with a curious look on her face.

"Yeah, yeah. I got it," you joked, running your finger along your throat to act out being killed. Nat smirked at your antics.

"I'm sorry about how I was before, I just... I just got my baby sister back and I guess I got carried away with the whole protective older sister thing."

you raised an eyebrow in response, "You think?"

"I'm glad you're not dead," she smirked at you, "I would have missed you." She pulled you into her side, kissing your cheek tenderly, then turning to her sister "And I wouldn't have enjoyed killing you."

Natasha let out a laugh, "I'd like to see you try, blondie."

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