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bullshittierlists · 3 years

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Spoilers for DR1, obviously. I decided to remake this list because my opinions on all of the characters have changed significantly since the last time. I’m honestly not even super happy about this one.

I see no god up here other than me:

Kiyotaka Ishimaru - Oh my lord, he’s perfect in every way (except for the thing, which I’ll get to). He’s funny, he doesn’t feel entirely insignificant, and he’s got a cool, sad backstory to dive into if you like him enough, but it isn’t required to do so throughout the main game. Everything about his genius/hard-working motif is brilliant. I think it’s incredible how he’s actually the opposing force to Komaeda rather than Junko, even though no one talks about it and the game doesn’t really use it that much. His whole backstory with his grandfather and father is so sad and I’m so proud of him for getting to be where he is today, even if it didn’t quite happen how he wanted it to. The one exception to this practically perfect prefect is, of course, the elephant in the room, Kiyondo Ishida. Here’s the thing: I think Kiyondo could’ve worked really well. However, as far as I know, Taka was swapped out last minute with Hiro and had to die in chapter 3. I honestly think this was the worst decision the franchise made after making Mikan... the way that she was. The only reason people hate Hiro is that he survived the first game. I’ll get to this more later, but I honestly really enjoyed his character for the first three chapters. After that, though, he got a little stale and even a bit annoying, especially the Kyoko being a ghost bit. I feel like Hiro really overstayed his welcome and his presence could’ve been more than made up for by the comedic duo of Hina and Taka. I understand that choosing the survivors of each game is difficult and a very meticulous process, but let’s just consider the interactions with other characters for now. To start with, Hiro hardly had any positive interactions with any of the other characters in the back half of the game outside of Hina calling him out for being an idiot. If we put Taka in his place, he could’ve had serious moments with Kyoko and Makoto, helping them to solve some of the mysteries. He also could’ve played off of Byakuya and Toko’s relationship in telling them that PDA is “not welcome in a school environment.” And the crowning jewel of missed opportunities, his interactions with Hina. They’ve both lost their best friends in the whole world and have no one to rely on. In canon, Hina had to do a character 180 just to keep up with Hiro’s idiocy and not break down about losing Sakura. However, if we had Taka, he could’ve helped her to get through it because he would’ve already gotten over Mondo with the help of Ishida. See? I brought it back around. If Taka had been able to resolve his issues with Ishida in chapter 3, he would’ve been able to help Hina to develop her character through the loss of Sakura in chapter 4. I think this would’ve been so much better for both of their characters and I weep for what could’ve been. But for some reason, Hiro just had to stick around.

Mondo Owada - I’m honestly surprised I talked about Taka for that long without mentioning Mondo. I don’t actually have a lot to say about Mondo that I won’t get to with Chihiro, but this is basically your warning to be ready for another rant and it also serves as a break from the last one. Mondo and Taka are perfect for each other, Mondo is the most sympathetic killer, bar none, and even though I’m not a huge fan of dogs, Chuck is so precious.

You’re the best:

Celestia Ludenberg - Pretty goth lady. That’s about it. She could’ve been better in chapter 3, but I honestly still really liked her plan and her breakdown was phenomenal. My favorite thing about her though is her execution. Her execution fits into the thin category of executions that include the element of specific despair, basically meaning that Monokuma made it specifically to make her sad apart from the fact that she was dying. She was ready and honestly excited to be burned at the stake because it would guarantee her an interesting death and therefore an interesting life. But then, she ends up just dying in another boring old car accident, many of which happen every day. It’s fun to watch her expression and demeanor change throughout her execution, it’s one of my favorites.

Chihiro Fujisaki - Oh boy, it’s the one I expect to get hate for. Buckle up, lovely people, it’s time to get personal. I personally headcanon Chihiro to be a cisgender male; however, I also believe that you can headcanon anyone to be anything you want. There is an exception and it’s when that headcanon specifically derails something the character was trying to present. In this case, it’s toxic masculinity and the importance of appearances in society. I’ll preface this whole section with a statement: I’m not trying to be transphobic. I could see Chihiro being a trans male, but cis or trans female just feels counterproductive to me. Let me explain. Chihiro’s entire existence is used to parallel Mondo’s. Chihiro has a strong will with a weak body, while Mondo has a strong body with a weak will. Mondo is seen, in canon, as a super manly character who is strong in both heart and body, but he doesn’t believe himself to be this way. The only strength he’s ever seen is through aggressive violence, and that’s how he shows his strength. This is proven in the fact that when he felt weak against Chihiro’s strong will, he killed him out of fear, which he had grown to believe was strength. However, since Chihiro had a weak body, people treated him as unmanly, even though he was strong-willed, so he believed that everything about him was weak and learned to be submissive to everyone else’s desires. This is proven in the fact that he dressed and acted the way he did specifically to please others, not himself. It’s shown in multiple free time events that he hates the way that he looks and that he hates dressing to appease other people. It’s not even necessary to turn to the FTEs to gain this information, it’s obvious from the fact that he goes to Mondo specifically to get stronger in what he thinks is both mind and body, as he’s been known to think that the two are connected. It can also be understood from his dialogue that he wasn’t trying to get physically stronger for himself, he was perfectly comfortable with his body, he wanted to get physically stronger so that other people would leave him alone. These are the effects that bullying had on him. Maybe I’m misunderstanding, but whenever I see Chihiro as female, trans or otherwise, it feels as though those people want Chihiro to subject to the bullying because it more closely fits their ideal. It just feels like evidence of toxic masculinity because since Chihiro is feminine, he must be female, even if he says otherwise. The difference to me between this and say, trans Gundham headcanons is that with Gundham, there’s nothing in his character that goes either way, so it’s fine to headcanon him however you want. But when Chihiro explicitly states that he wants to be seen as male, he’s ignored and pushed aside as “another missed opportunity for trans representation.” But he’s not a missed opportunity for representation, he’s just representing something else, toxic masculinity. It’s obvious that it goes over people’s heads because they don’t seem to understand this at all. I’m not trying to be rude, I just want people to understand that just because the representation isn’t specifically for the group you want, doesn’t mean that it isn’t good representation. I can talk about this more if anyone wants me to, but it’s almost 1 AM and I’m not sure how much longer and I can form cohesive sentences and I’m not sure this is the best argument to test that on.

Genocide Jack - Idk, she’s funny. I’ve already gotten past most of the characters I have strong opinions on. Whereas in the second game, I have strong feelings about my favorites *and* my least favorites, I really only have favorites in this game and everyone else is pretty neutral.

Byakuya Togami - He was actually originally my second favorite character, but I realized a good way into the series that I didn’t actually like him that much. He’s not as smart as he claims to be and he isn’t as well written as Komaeda or Kokichi. However, he does have one truly fantastic moment in the first game and that is during chapter 4. When it’s revealed that Sakura killed herself, he shuts down. It’s impossible for something to have happened that he didn’t predict and he truly believes that. It’s incredible to see his complete shift in character (at least for this trial) and I absolutely adore that moment. Everything else with him is still kinda meh.

Hey, I think you’re really cool, I like you a lot:

Sakura Ogami - There’s literally nothing about her that I can say that hasn’t been said already. She’s perfect and I love her for it.

Aoi Asahina - Like I said during my Taka rant, I think she would’ve been much better if she didn’t have to accommodate Hiro. The first game had a much darker tone than the second and Toko/Genocide Jack already had the comedic relief role covered. She and Taka could’ve still had their fair share of funny moments together, but I feel like she could’ve gone through Akane’s arc during the second game, but better because she would’ve been able to build off of Taka, who already went through the same thing. Either way, she’s cute and I adore her and Sakura’s friendship.

Sayaka Maizono - So I actually made this list back in January (it’s currently the middle of April) and just never got around to making it and since then, I’ve fallen in love with Sayaka. It may or may not have to do with me being cast as her in a secret project that I’ll announce later, but she has my heart regardless. Now, I’d probably put her behind Chihiro and ahead of Genocide Jack. She’s just such an interesting character and while it’s a shame that she died so early, I still think she wouldn’t have been as good if she didn’t die so soon. For the record, I think both Sayaka and Leon were morally in the wrong. However, Sayaka was doing it for her friends, while Leon could’ve stopped at any time and really only went back for himself. Sayaka is not a snake. Thank you, goodnight.

Mukuro Ikusaba - She’s definitely my neutral point. I have one of these in every DR game, even if I don’t realize it. I just don’t really have any opinions on her and it’s not even because she wasn’t in the game for very long. I just don’t know how to feel about her. I just finished Danganronpa: Zero and that boosted Junko way up in my book, but it didn’t really change my opinion on Mukuro at all.

Kyoko Kirigiri - I get the hype, I really do, but I just can’t get into her. For starters, I don’t like Naegi all that much, so of course I’m not going to like the people that hang around him all the time. The most I’ve ever liked her is while watching videos of her along with “Not So Bad A Dad” from Phineas and Ferb. Other than that, she’s extremely neutral for me.

Toko Fukawa - I’m including her appearance in Ultra Despair Girls, but it didn’t really help her much. I liked her in the first game, but it was only because I was going through a weird phase of obsessing over people and now I just think it’s weird because it is. I went into Ultra Despair Girls knowing that she got character development and then completely forgot to pay attention to it because I was so enraptured by the Warriors of Hope. So, I don’t know, she’s just kinda creepy and I didn’t really notice her (or Komaru, for that matter) in UDG.

I remember you:

Junko Enoshima - Like I mentioned during Mukuro’s segment, I just finished Danganronpa: Zero and it was a wild ride. I made this list before I had even started the book and I was mostly just confused by Junko. I didn’t understand her motivations or any of her plans, much less how she was able to achieve anything she was. But once I finished DR0, it all made sense. I won’t spoil it here, but she was incredible in that book and I wish I had caught on to everything earlier.

Makoto Naegi - I feel bad, but I have to compare him to the other protagonists. He’s just so boring, and I know that that’s the point of a protagonist, but Hajime proves that it doesn’t have to be that way. Makoto’s just kinda there all of the time. For example, in DR0, he shows up for one scene, but he literally doesn’t even do anything. He stands there, talks to Ryoko, is scared during a fight scene, and is never seen again. It’s really frustrating to know that he’s only there because he was the protagonist of the first game and it’s like “Wow, you know this character!”

Yasuhiro Hagakure - My only opinion on him is that he should’ve died in chapter 3. My only explanation for why he was so high on the original list is because I watched this one hysterical panel for DR1 and Hiro was by far the best character there. In the game itself, I liked him until he overstayed his welcome and cost Taka his shot to be memorable.

Leon Kuwata - I honestly can’t explain why I dislike him so much, I just really, genuinely do. He’s just kind of annoying, but that’s about it. Like I said before, I don’t really hate many of the characters from this game, they’re mostly all loved or neutral and he’s just the most negative neutral.

You are literally the worst. Actual scum. Leave this planet and never return:

Monokuma - You know the drill by now if you’ve seen my other DR tier lists, it’s kind of an obligation at this point.

Hifumi Yamada - Why. Why is he like this? Why is he this way? Honestly, he’s not nearly as bad as Teruteru or Kazuichi in the perv department, but I just hate him so much. I don’t understand why he is the way that he is, but I do understand that I’m happy he died in chapter 3. Honestly, I could’ve done with him dying earlier, but it is what it is.

It’s 1:15 AM and I am done writing. I’ve been putting this off for months and I figured it was finally time to get it over with and it definitely didn’t have anything to do with the fact that I can’t sleep. I hope you enjoy all of this and if you would like me to elaborate on anything, just drop me an ask and let me know. I’m always happy to explain any of my opinions and want to make sure I’m as clear as possible. Please do not spread hate about me until you’ve made sure you understand my point. Then go to town.

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telltaleclerk · 3 years

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Tell me the fandom deets on Macgyver, pretty please?

the first character i ever fell in love with: Jack Dalton - 100% - From the moment I first met him I was like: sassy ex Delta Force who loves everyone too much? MINE!

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not: Unpopular answer: Mac honestly. I love Mac. I love him a lot. I understand that he’s been through some shit. But some of his motivations in the last few seasons (fair warning: I’m not totally caught up on the show - this is one of the main reasons why I stopped watching) haven’t made a lot of sense to me. And the stuff with Nasha really made me mad... And I think if they would have given us the voice overs in S3 we would have been able to see more of his motivation and gotten into his head why he was doing/saying some of the things he was doing it would have helped. And from what I’ve seen... I don’t like who he is in a relationship with Desi (I don’t hate MacDesi, but I hate what they’ve done with it in the show from what I’ve seen)... so I just... I don’t know I feel like he’s not the same character from S1-2... and that’s my Mac honestly.

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not: I actually think I still love all of my ships from this show... there’s no ship that I don’t like anymore... Huh. But I don’t tend to give up on ships... I don’t know if I’ve ever changed my opinion drastically on a ship in a fandom like that ever.

my ultimate favourite character™: Jack Dalton again... I love him too much. He’s got the greatest lines... he’s charming and witty and loves all of his little found family so much it hurts.

prettiest character: I honestly have to say I think this is a tie between Riley and Mac. I have a bigger crush on Riley... but GAH they’re both so pretty. Like... ridiculously pretty.

my most hated character: James. He’s the worst. I even wrote an entire fic on the premise of Jack getting to punch him in the face. There was some other plot... but I honestly engineered the whole plot and everything around Jack getting to punch James in the face at the end. Worth it.

my OTP: MacDalton - I’m on this ship until it hits an iceberg and sinks. I love them so much. You go kaboom, I go kaboom?! Epic ship material. Coming back for another FUCKING TOUR IN AFGHANISTAN FOR MAC?! Epic ship material.

my NOTP: MacDesi (SORRY! This is not invalidating this ship for ANYONE ELSE - this is a personal opinion and I support you shipping them 100%) - again, fair warning that I’m not caught up on the series... but from everything I’ve seen... Desi is a very abusive SO. I think they had potential, but I really don’t like what they’ve done with it on the show. As for shipping outside of canon... I personally never saw the romantic connection based on their interactions before they got together. Very-Desi centric... the pink dress scene drove me crazy because I didn’t like the idea of Desi trying to win Mac over by doing something like that. Up to that point Desi struck me as the kind of woman to be herself and just wait for a man to make a move on her, or to just be bold and make a move on him. But strutting around in a revealing little dress and playing mating games - I was sad they took her character to that place... so I never really shipped them.

favourite episode: Mac + Jack (S2E12) - as a MacDalton shipped I love this for obvious reasons... but there’s just so much in this episode... I loved seeing Jack and Mac in the army... the way they first met and totally hated each other at first... fantastic. This episode also has my favourite line of all time... when Mac’s trying to defuse the bomb under the hummer... and Jack’s bothering him... Mac: Well, you know what, there is a quicker way to do this. Jack: Really? Mac: Yeah, it involves a loud boom and a bunch of shrapnel in your body. Close second place: Skull + Electromagnet (S2E5) - Harper Hayes is so awesome and badass. I love her a lot.

saddest death: Jill Morgan. I loved her so much. I remember sitting down to watch the S3 premiere and saying: As long as they don’t kill Jill, they really can’t let me down...

favourite season: 2 - I loved Cage. I loved all the dynamics. My favourite episodes are in this season. It’s solid from start to finish. I love this whole season.

least favourite season: I will say 3... because I didn’t watch enough of S4 to name it. But S3 really let me down. I hated the way things just faded away with Nasha. I wish they’d had a better end to that. I hated that we lost the voice overs, especially because some of the stuff Mac was doing and saying was obviously because he was messed up over what happened with Jill and Murdoc and all that, and if we’d had voice overs we could have understood what he was feeling. The same way we did in S1 when all the stuff with Nikki was going on. Jack left. Gross. And he left Mac behind with just that handshake. Before Jack left I hated the way he was treated - they made him into the comedic relief buffoon... and there were several episodes where Mac was making Jack the butt of jokes. Desi showed up and it was pretty obvious when she came on the scene that they were introducing her as a new love interest for Mac. I have 0 tolerance for female characters being introduced solely as a love interest - cause: gross. I hated the Riley/Billy breakup. I hated that they killed Jill. I hated that Charlie died the way he did, and then that night when they got together for beers Mac was smiling and hitting on Desi And let’s not forget that DESI got a phone call from Jack when Charlie died... but Mac didn’t. WHY?! You really think Jack would find out that Charlie died the way he did and not immediately call his boy!? Bullshit Sorry for the rant... but there were a lot of things in this season I didn’t care for.

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate: I guess Desi... though I wouldn’t say everyone else loves her. I just... there was so much potential with Desi as a character. Strong asian-American woman who’s the badass strong arm of their team... and they made her a love interest and made her kind of an abusive SO... and I just didn’t care for that. I think her and Mac as characters were both treated badly as a result. In conclusion: I really wanted to like her... I even have a huge crush on her... but I still just... don’t.

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave: I guess Murdoc?... Cause I love Murdoc a lot. And I was sad that they ruined the dynamic between him and Mac when he killed Jill. Killing Jill made it so their dynamic can never be the same. Mac didn’t like Murdoc before, but now he hates him on a personal level and will never forgive him.

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave: Riley - she deserved for Ellwood to stick around. She deserved for Jack to stick around. She deserved for Billy to STICK AROUND. And she deserves to have Mac treat her his found sister and not try to get into her pants the way he seems to every other woman he’s EVER around. (AGAIN: I am not in any way saying MacRiley isn’t a valid ship. I can see the potential - ship to your heart’s content). All this talk of love triangles upsets me... I think they’ve waited too long to pull the trigger on MacRiley... because they’ve always very much had sibling vibes to me.

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship: I had originally written that I didn’t have one, but I TOTALLY DO!!! Jack/Harper Hayes!!! I have this series of fics where she’s basically his Murdoc and is totally stalking him and stuff... and I just... everything I’ve written around their sexual tension is very non-con... but I love them a lot and I DON’T KNOW WHY.

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship: Mac/Jill - I kinda love them. I love the idea of them being nerds together. I think they would be adorable. Jill is into the spy life but not a field agent so there wouldn’t be as much stress for Mac about losing his girl to the life... etc... So I love them. I think they could have been happy together. And seeing Mac have a happy little home with someone he can still talk about spy stuff with I think would have been great. And yet as much as I love them I just still sit back and dream about it, but I haven’t written much for them. Thank you for the ASK!!! I love doing these!

#macgyver #macdalton #jack dalton #angus macgyver #desi nguyen #riley davis

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ywhiterain · 4 years

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Top 5 Stelena scenes!

Lets clean out some old asks lol. And like, if asked again tomorrow, I’d probably pick something else.

5: Stefan kissing Elena in the season three finale. No joke. I’d kinda given up on Stefan/Elena in season three because I thought they were probably going for Delena and like. I still loved it. But it’d be like how I feel about Tyler/Caroline - really love it and wish it had worked out but I can move on. But then. Goddamn. That was build up. That was set up and pay off. This is what building and building tension for an entire season can look like. Most of the time, I get bored as hell because writers aren’t able to stretch out a will they/won’t they believably. But Stefan and Elena went to dark and ugly places. There was no way that Elena was going to be able to stab him in 3x03 and drag him home and rebuild what they had before. And this season? Kinda owned it.

This was Stefan making a choice not defined by helping Damon or trying to follow a self imposed set of guidelines to become a man worthy of existence. He just turned around and gave himself a second to let himself be in love with Elena and in that moment every single doubt fell away from her face and you can see it when she just looks at him seirofewaioasdfikjaweoi. This is it. There’s nothing that’s ever going to be like this ever again. And it’s so beautifully tragic because both of them know that it’s unlikely everyone is going to get out alive. And so they stop pretending for a second and just give themselves this moment. I mean, it was mostly about Stefan - he’s the one who turns around and kisses her.

But this is where Nina and Paul just fucking own this goddamn stupid silly show. Because Elena didn’t need to say or do anything. Everything was written on her face.

And as much as this show pushed delena. Julie and company knew that. It’s why we got Stefan/Katherine and Silas/Amara. Julie is a hack but she’s not stupid. You don’t completely throw away that chemistry. Like, I almost never talk about chemistry because most of the time I find it secondary to narrative. I mean, I enjoy a ship with fantastic chemistry but I tend to think people overestimate/underestimate chemistry between a given pair. Strong writing, good acting, and visual language is usually going to draw me in more than if two actors sizzle.

But Nina and Paul? You can’t bottle that. Because if they could, every single person working in TV/movies would be buying every day of their professional life. And this is not my favorite scene because they drew me back and and I got invested again and I suffered through so much bullshit season 4-8 and I’m her in the year of our lord 2020 and still here shipping them like it’s 2010 and it’s season two.

4: Everything about 3x05? And it’s even better these days because I actually like Klaus as a character so there’s dramatic tension between Stefan and Elena, Stefan and Klaus, and Klaus and Elena. Whereas, before, Klaus was just sort of a plot device that wanted to molest Stefan for me. He brings me the angst and drama, but now he’s like an actual character to me and we’re seeing him at his most ugly (the only other time he’s ever been this bad for me was with Rebekah in the originals). Put a timer on it. He gives Bonnie less than an hour to undo an ancient spell cast a thousand years ago by one of the most brilliant witches in the show when she’s still basically a newbie. He’s just gonna tear apart one of the few people he actually cares about because Stefan being beside him and following him is what matters - his emotional state doesn’t.

Stefan is freaking the fuck out. All his careful plans and and lies and delusions are shattering right before him. The only thing keeping him from completely going off the rails was the memory of what he had and who he was with Elena. And then Klaus rips that from him.

And Elena is fucking fearless. Just bite from me. It’ll be okay. We’ll figure out how to get rid of Klaus compulsion. They’ll figure it everything out together. And what gets me is that, yeah, the romantic epic soul makes who love each other is absolutely at play. But what gets Stefan fighting again were three words: you owe me that. There’s this real cynical edge here. Because, yeah, after everything that Stefan and Elena have been through he can’t just give up. Elena was going to kill herself in season two and she was fine with that decision and she was happy to sacrifice her life for her friends and family until Stefan convinced her to keep fighting. The hell is she going to let him quit. And that’s not really a good or healthy way to think about relationships - but it works. Because when you’re in a war zone and you survive, it’s generally because you have to do ugly things.

3. Elena: break Damon’s neck so I can talk to Esther because he’s being a big baby and is trying to stop me from plotting with the originals. >:( Stefan: kay, honey. I mean yeah that’s smart lets take Klaus down i am evil ripper who cares not about you except I’ll make sure you get home and have some emotional catharsis with you l8r. Damon: asdlkfaweoiruqworf YOU TWO SUCK. YOU’RE BOTH ALWAYS SAYING BE A BETTER PERSON AND BE RESPECTFUL AND YOU DO THIS I HATE YOU BOTH SO MUCH RAWRWWWWWWD. And then he breaks Kol’s neck. And like, that’s a hilarious and sad summary of poor Kol’s entire life pre Davina tbh .

Part of it is the ot3 element. Part of it is this fantastic female fantasy fulfilled: a man who respects his lady to make her own choices especially when they’re being reckless and dangerous because said man knows how strong and brilliant she is.

And I also like the contrast. Stefan and Elena are cuddle bunnies who spoon each other and are so fluffy and sweet but like they’re also battle couple who’ll do pretty ruthless shit.

2. Remember that time Elena led Stefan to his own room when they had sex for the first time? And she told him not to hide. And they kept gazing at each other. Bathed in shadows and light. He loved her and she loved him and they were both alive and for a moment they were both glad. And like your otp could never.

1. “You had hope. That’s all I ever wanted for you.” look it’s 2020 and the world is literally on fire and that’s the most romantic thing ever.

#stelena #the vampire diaries #stefan x elena #elena gilbert #stefan salvatore #otp: i just want you to fight for it

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filmista · 4 years

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Gilda (1946): An uncoventional femme fatale

-Isn't it wonderful? Nobody has to apologize, because we were both stinkers, weren't we? Isn't it wonderful? -Wonderful.

Gilda could be the ultimate example of a film in which a single scene transcends the entire film, making the viewer forget about everything. Some may not have even seen it yet, but they do know of that iconic striptease.

What is film noir without the relationship between the protagonists? What is left in a film noir when we strip it of this element, of those murky and sickly as well as fascinating relationships?

Make no mistake: the sophistication that characterizes film noir would be meaningless without the protagonists. And in this sense, Gilda has its own characteristics, something of a film noir, but with a development in its characters very different from the genre.

Here, the femme fatale doesn’t need a man to lead "to perdition." Her reason for being isn’t that, far from it. Therefore, Gilda breaks with that film noir rule; here the protagonists drag each other in that whirlpool that only brings misfortunes, which is resolved in a totally different way in this film.

One of the characteristics of film noir is that of the love triangle although, in this case, we could speak of two love triangles, one of them very particular. At the beginning of the film, we see Ballin rescue Farrell from the street, from the underworld of Buenos Aires.

He has saved his life; one feels indebted and the other responsible for the act. Next we see the third component of this triangle, the cane. A cane that hides a a deadly weapon.

Ballin: It is a most faithful and obedient friend: it is silent when I want it to be silent, but talks when I want it to talk.

Farrell: Is that your idea of a friend?

Ballin: That is my idea of a friend.

It’s not trivial to consider that cane as another member of the relationship between the two men; in fact, when Ballin introduces Gilda, Farrell says: "I thought we were three already”, referring to the cane.

That strange triangle is agreed upon and closed with the following words by Ballin: “This I must be sure of, that there is no woman anywhere. Gambling and women do not mix.” Farrell becomes Ballin's right-hand, his best friend and confidant.

And there it is, the second triangle, and this time, the real one. Ballin appears with his new wife, Gilda, Farrell's old love. As they walk up the stairs, guided by Gilda's siren song, Farrell mumbles an "I hope everything is as before", which sounds more like a wish that he knows won’t be fullfiled; his relationship with Ballin isn’t going to be the same as before. He stands at the bedroom door while we see on his face that he recognises the voice, that voice that he has heard sing so many times in the past.

Ballin tells him that "he seems stunned" listening from the doorway. When Farrell reminds him of the "no women" pact, Ballin replies "my wife is not a woman.” And it is then when Ballin asks Gilda the question:

-Ballin: Are you decent? -Gilda: Sure I’m decent.

The tension between Gilda and Farrell is evident. We don't know what happened between them (that could be another movie), but the wound there is palpable; Ballin is no stranger to that, he realises it perfectly. The Casino workers notice too, in fact they joke about it. When Ballin asks Gilda not to call him "Mr. Farrell", but Johnny, she says "Johnny is a very difficult name to remember and very easy to forget."

And here that obsessive triangle unfolds, so obsessive that, despite Ballin's suspicions that Johnny and his wife knew each other from before, he asks him to stay near her, to take care of her. It seems to be a game that Ballin enjoy. That macabre game reaches its height during a dinner in which the three share a table, in which they toast the misfortune of the woman who made Johnny suffer:

Ballin Mundson : Now then, before we were interrupted, I believe we were about to drink a toast. So: disaster to the wench who did wrong by our Johnny. No, Gilda? You won't drink to that?

Gilda : Why not? Disaster to the wench!

When Farrell admits to Ballin that they knew each other from before, he says, "I taught her what she knows." Up to that point we can imagine what Johnny has meant in Gilda's life. Thinking that Ballin is dead, Gilda and Johnny get married in a wedding that could predict what comes next: we only see her through a window, through the rain that falls outside.

Johnny begins to punish her by leaving her alone, humiliating her, to such an extent that she has to go see him at the office: “Hello. Do you remember me? I am Gilda, your wife ”. Farrell enjoys humiliating her; He lights her cigarette by placing the lighter at waist height, so she has to "bow" to light the cigarette.

She married Ballin out of revenge on Johnny, and he marries her to humiliate her. So much so, that their new home is dominated by a huge portrait of Ballin. She is a prey to her past. She tries to run away from Johnny, but wherever she tries to go, he torments her.

When everything is over, Gilda surrenders and decides to leave the country; He returns to ask her to leave together, while apologizing for his behavior: “We were both scoundrels. Isn’t it wounderful". That obsessive triangle becomes a couple of neurotics, in which with their strange relationship of emotional dependence., they feed each other until they reach the point of recognising that it’s wonderful that they don’t have to ask for forgiveness or that anyone is guilty of anything, the two have been just as awful.

But Ballin returns from the shadows to claim what is his: his wife.

But prophetically it’s a member of the previous triangle, the knife hidden in the cane, that is going to solve this triangle, and this time forever. Ballin dies at the hand of his best friend,

The tagline for the film announced that "there is no woman like Gilda". There may not be a more iconic female character in film history. She has such strength on screen that perhaps because of that the viewer may not have been able to judge her in depth. She has nothing to do with the rebellious woman we all thought her to, nor is she a man-eater; Gilda is simply different. She is a woman with an apparent happiness, that hides an immense sadness and melancholia.

A woman who complains about "so many people and so much loneliness.” Her need for attention and love is palpable. From the moment she meets Johnny Farrell, The expression on her face changes: the past has returned. When Johnny first goes to the ballroom run by Ballin, he meets a beautiful woman and, when he asks about her they tell him: she is a harpy.

Harpies, fantastic beings with the face of a woman and the body of a bird of prey. In Greek mythology, they were the beings in charge to enforce the punishment of Zeus to Fineo, stealing his food. Later on, various traditions gave them malevolent connotations, carriers of catastrophes.

When Ballin appears to be dead, Farrell finds himself between two harpies reading Ballin's will and instructions.

Gilda can’t be considered the classic film noir femme fatale. She seeks to torment Johnny, but in order to make him jealous, her end goal is not money, as is often the case with the film noir woman; She is in love with him, she marries Ballin for money, yes, but it’s a question that Ballin was not oblivious to when he married her; for him she is a beautiful and hungry little girl.

He feels like a man, he realises himself as such by feeding her. But Gilda's wound is very deep; referring to Farrell, she says: "I was once loyal to a man, and look what happened." Ballin justifies her marriage to him: “She said she was born the day she met me. The three of us have no past, only future. Interesting, right?". Those same words are the ones Johnny used when he met Ballin, who had been born the day he met him.

There are two very important themes in Gilda: hatred, hatred that’s been shaped by Gilda’s pain. She reiterates many times how much she hates Johnny, but it’s a simple excuse; She loves him so much that she has had to turn the feeling into hate as a barrier against pain: “Hate can be a very intense emotion (…). Hate is the only thing that warms me. ”

And Farrell in turn thinks about her: “I hated her so much that I couldn't forget her. I was in the air I breathed.” The reunion with Johnny makes her want to plunge into a self-destructive spiral that, that would destroy everything she knows. Her words to Johnny are very significant: "I hate you so much that I would destroy myself to drag you down with me."

But the love game she plays with Johnny reveals something else: She doesn’t hesitate to be seen with other men to arouse his jealousy, a game into which she falls very easily. At the Carnival, with another identity, with a mask, they dance as it seems they did before. She’s mischievous: “I can help you regain practice. I mean dancing. "

He asks her to throw her hat back. He shoves her away violently while she laughs amused. The love-hate game between them is very powerful. We can’t forget the famous slap that he gives her ... although he doesn’t escape a few himself. The game of erotic power play and violence often present in film noir is very noticeable here.

When he takes Gilda home, she does’t hesitate to stress again and again that they are alone. He can’t avoid the temptation and goes up to the bedroom. She has removed her disguise, she is Gilda again, a Gilda in the shadows. They hesitate whether to approach each other or not: "I hate you so much that I think I'm going to die from it ... darling." Their neurotic behaviour could be summed up in this phrase, in that kiss during which the two explode when they say that they hate each other to death.

Gilda’s death drive leads her to an obsessive superstition, another important theme in this film, in which she leaves her life and actions in the hands of that belief, she sees signs everywhere and subjects her life to that destiny. The night the three of them toast to the misfortune that Johnny suffered (herself), she is afraid to drink the glass, as if consuming the champagne closes a pact with the devil.

But after a moment of doubt, she drinks without hesitation, as if that liquid were a poison and she wanted to die right there. She doesn’t care that she’s toasting to her own misfortunes. She’s so superstitious that when she tells the maid, she asks her not to repeat it. Whilst being in luck at roulette someone says "lucky in the game, unlucky in love", and she stops playing to avoid tempting luck. On her wedding day with Johnny, a lonely, sad and glamorousness wedding, a wedding that we as spectators only see through a window, she says: “The rain has stopped. Maybe it means something. ”

Of course Gilda is not the typical film noir woman. She is a tremendously sad woman, sadness caused by love, and who seeks to flee from herself, from everything inside herself.

A woman afraid of her husband and destiny, fearful of life, in a word. In the end, feeling cornered by everyone, the only thing left for her to do is a farewell worthy of her, an iconic dance: She knows she’s being observed by everyone, especially by Johnny. A song in which she asks to blame someone else, "Put the blame on me."

Don't blame Gilda; she’s already fleeing Buenos Aires. But Johnny asks her to go with her. What was Gilda looking for? To be loved. Nothing more, nothing less. Gilda represents the “whore” who wants to emancipate herself to become a mother. Almost no woman in film noir is a mother, a femme fatale is not a mother, she’s a temporary distraction and obstacle to the hero.

But Gilda wants to escape such a condition, and we could really see her as a loving mother and living together with Johnny. In Gilda the woman could be seen as a symptom of the man, Gilda comes to substitute those other symptoms that these men have (sadistic in the case of Ballin, vengeful in the case of Farrell), and take them out on her.

Film noir always plays with appearances: nothing is what it seems to be. But in Gilda, this premise turns to "but in the end everything was what it seemed to be." That game of appearances, like at the Carnival, ends when the participants remove their mask, this time, in a violent way. Neither is Ballin the good Samaritan who saves lives altruistically, nor is his Casino his main activity, not even his death is true. We are shown his shadow on different occasions, in profile; we never see him fully.

Gilda and Johnny’s life is also a lie, to bear their pain. The Casino is itself a lie, a place that Ballin uses to hide his work, and that he has arranged to be able to see without being seen. His office is upstairs, from where, thanks to a set of lights, blinds and windows, he can see everything, like an omniscient God.

It’s the only way out of the suffocating atmosphere of the game room. Gilda is no stranger to what that game of points of view can provide to her, on two occasions she knows she’s being observed by Johnny, she seeks to be observed by him, but she doesn’t see him watching her, as if he doesn't want to see her face and guess what she’s thinking at the moment. The final moment, Gilda’s iconic dance, seems meticulously prepared for him to observe her, but also for him to see how others look at her. What does Farrell do? He stops her. He can’t stand what’s happening.

Doesn't that moment remind us of this one from Paris, Texas?

Or this one?

Two absolutely different women, but in a sense mirrors of each Gilda is the whore who wants to emancipate herself to become a mother; Jane is the mother who emancipates herself and becomes a whore, once Travis appears, she takes the path back to that role of mother. Could that moment that game of points of view, be the beginning of that emancipation, of that path?

That claustrophobic environment and that game of viewpoints is exemplified in Gilda and Johnny's wedding: We only see her through a window, through a rain curtain, we don't even hear what is being said inside the room. We are spectators. But aren’t we during the entire film?

Gilda’s iconic phrase: If I'd been a ranch, they would have named me "The Bar Nothing.", is now more ironic than ever. No, she is not the free woman we were made to believe; she has an owner, Johnny. The mare is back with the stallion.

@purecinema @idasessions @missdubois @mad-prophet-of-the-airwaves

#fave #took me ages to write #gilda #gilda 1946 #charles vidor #rita hayworth #glenn ford #film noir #40’s cinema #cinema #movies #films #film review #movie review #movie analysis #film analysis #filmista

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mousehole5000 · 3 years

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wow i made this draft on november 1st i really took a break from this huh anyway tgcf chapters 121 - 142

i realize now this coffin scene was inevitable. feel kinda weird about hua cheng back and forth from Teen to Big Man but it is very funny that theyre having their “dude dont look at my boner” moment while in the jaws of a water dragon

pei ming: why didnt you guys make a bigger coffin so you didnt have to squish together like that? xie lian: haha yep!! anyways what brings you here?

“In the grand, spacious centre of the entrance hall sat a person. And this person, dressed in all black, its face snow-white—was a corpse! Instantly Xie Lian shut the doors soundly.” - king of minding his own business.

okay this is where i stopped putting notes here for a while but i did save some in my e-reader so here’s some of the highlights

“Guzi used to have a good sleeping form, but perhaps with his cheap dad’s bad influence, now he was also spread out on top of Qi Rong’s stomach like a dead fish. Lang Ying himself was curled neatly in the corner, and was covered by a few shirts. Xie Lian lifted the blanket covering Qi Rong, suppressed the urge to smother his face, and covered the two small children.” - xie lian funny moments. also it would be really funny if qi rong redeems himself by learning love through these misfit chiildren and it might actually endear me to him but i hope that doesnt happen

Every heavenly official was yelling, and even Ling Wen was throwing a fit. “DON’T THROW EVERY BIT OF USELESS INFORMATION MY WAY, HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK I HAVE TO GO THROUGH EVERY DAY? DON’T YOU ALL KNOW TO USE YOUR BRAINS A LITTLE BEFORE ASKING ME?!” - ling wen marry me right now

“An expression like “seen a ghost” that only mortals experienced was now showing on his face for the first time. Shi Wudu’s pupils shrank to the smallest they could, and he blurted, “You’re still alive?!” “I’m dead!” He Xuan said coldly.” - okay everythings going tits up rn but i did laugh

i did see spoilers re: ming yi/he xuan reveal + shi wudu’s fate beforehand so i dont have a genuine reaction other than oh shit

“He slowly enunciated each word. “I won’t touch your fate. But, here in this place, chop off your brother’s head for me.” CLANG! He threw a rusty blade onto the ground. Shi Qingxuan stared at that blade, his eyes wide. He Xuan continued, “Then, never show yourself before me again, and I will pretend you’ve never existed in this world.” - okay idk what else is going to happen but rn im concerned that this is like the 2nd biggest ship. i guess we’ll see?? i mean i am really curious whats going to happen to them. shi qingxuan keeps calling he xuan “ming-xiong” and i... sad

shi wudu im not really invested in you as a character but these next two bits... interesting

“If I don’t die but have nothing, then that’s truly a fate worse than death. If I’m not the Water God, I can’t take care of you. I won’t even be able to protect myself. I’m scared that we won’t even last two days…TAKE IT!” - damn. something about the wealthy losing everything and not knowing how to live without it bc thats their entire life and identity

“EVERYTHING I HAVE TODAY, I FOUGHT FOR MYSELF. I WILL FIGHT FOR WHAT I DON’T HAVE. I WILL CHANGE FATE I DON’T POSSESS. MY FATE IS UP TO ME AND NOT THE HEAVENS!” - okay so the whole committing spiritual fraud by tormenting a man and his family to get your brother a cushy title thing aside this was kind of badass. heretical? possibly. but still. also is he intentionally riling up he xuan so sqx doesnt have to kill him? if so damn...

also okay as long as im here im just gonna say it. the choice that he xuan gives shi qingxuan is fucking brutal but i actually think its probably as fair as it could be. sqx didnt know about or participate in what happened to hx but they did benefit from it greatly while hx lost EVERYTHING and i can understand he xuan’s thinking of “if you really feel bad for what happened to me then you have to make a sacrifice and understand the suffering and this is as clean as its going to get” and theres a bit where sqx is trying to beg for mercy but cant get the words out which im guessing is bc theres no good argument!! what happened was fucked up!!

“When Pei Ming saw that reinforcements had arrived, he didn’t appear particularly delighted; instead he threw the sword into the ground, then rubbed his nose and said, sounding grim, “You all just had to come just as I finished making these, what the heck.” - pei ming making coffins chopping down trees with his sword i love it #wastehistime2k17

“Xie Lian brought that basket of eggs along, and gave them away as souvenirs from the mortal realm. Many who received the eggs were overjoyed; some deciding to eat it along with their own blood, and some proclaiming they would hatch an eight-foot monster.” - GHOST CITY GHOST CITY

“Placing the brush down, he blew lightly at the ink and smiled. “If I like something, then my heart will not have room for any other, and I’ll always treasure it. A thousand times, a million times, no matter how many years, this will not change. This poem is the same." - thats nice and all but king... get therapy. i actually have further thoughts but tbh i dont want to put them into words bc they are simply too personal! moving on

didnt take any notes but somewhere in here was the bit with mount tong’lu opening and hua cheng losing it and kind of um. hm. that scene. thats another trope i really hate tbh i dont care for it as a way of including physical intimacy between characters and idk if it really ever adds anything but whatever moving on

The Half-Maquillage Woman - kind of interesting monster idea bc women and aging…. yeah. however i think this would be a lot stronger if there were a) more girls and this was b) discussed or illustrated at all prior to this moment. still interesting that its included knowing the author is a woman tho and there’s been comments on how ling wen is perceived vs pei ming. this book does keep giving me hope for interesting female character arcs i really want it to deliver something

quan yizhen..... i get u

lmao i have a note on a bit with lang ying that says “please dont be hc in disguise” and..... my clown nose was on but at least i knew that. for real this is bothering me how much he’s just. always. there. i know he’s a lead but we didn’t really need him around for a lot of this. oh well. okay now to my current notes

“Yet it was precisely because it wasn’t cooked that it had to be eaten quickly. Once Xie Lian cooked it, it wouldn’t be edible anymore” - fucking fantastic

“Xie Lian hugged his belly. “Of course! Only after having met you did I rediscover that it’s such a simple thing to be happy, hahaha…” Hearing this, Hua Cheng blinked. Xie Lian’s laughter quieted a bit, realizing what he just said was a little too revealing.” - okay i know i said what i said about being tired of hua cheng being everywhere but... the line…. the fact that theyre laughing together…. :pleading:

“It’s not,” Ling Wen said. “At least, I believe, there will definitely not be another in history who can create a dish called ‘Incorruptible Chastity Meatballs’” - and truer words were never spoken

“I, DO NOT WORSHIP GODS. “I, AM GOD!” - this was every bit as badass as i hoped but no one told me it was immediately followed up by a little bit of the ol dinner theater fjalkdsfjsd. also puqi shrine noooooooooo

“Xie Lian sighed as he thought, “Qi Rong has taken Guzi away, who knows if the poor child was eaten or abandoned. Wind Master...... ..... who knows if Black Water took him away. Pray they’re both safe.” yeah hey are we going to fucknig. find out what happened to the child???

and yeah i dooooont really care for the age regression? thing thats going on. i just dont like that trope tbh. but tiny hua cheng whipping out his fat ghost king wallet in the store was funny tho. it is really funny that hualian are just like wandering around some random towns while the heavens are in an uproar. i guess theres not much else to do but its funny

“Me too, me too. You all know of my shixiong, right? Talented, with an infinite future! He only had one small vice: he loved playing women. Decades ago, a little prostitute ghost seduced my shixiong and sucked him dry into human jerky, and that Hua, Hua, Hua, that ghost king dared shelter her.” - yes omg give me the forbidden hua cheng lore i love this for him for real it goes along nicely with xie lian’s principles about giving another cup. god i love shared values

“Hua Cheng poked again, and a small hole appeared on the wall, as if the wall was made of tofu.” - how’d he do that. why is this a ghost king power. its useful tho

*me shaking qi rong when he pops up* WHERE IS THE CHILD

mu qing fu yao is here okay im happy now. once again no one has a good grasp on their secret identity and i love that. this inn has descended into chaos and im delighted and im glad lan chang is back

“The good ol’ kitchen was suddenly squished and crowded, loud and noisy. Fu Yao was chasing that fetus spirit leaping up and down, Lan Chang was chasing after Fu Yao like she had gone mad. Half of Qi Rong’s face changed shape by the way Xie Lian was pressing him down on the chopping board, his back turning into a target for those yellow talismans Fu Yao hurled while being observed by a crowd, and Lan Chang would step on him from time to time.” - this is pure chaos. i love that mu qing was in that room when the mob checked and he didnt say a word didnt open the door just sent out a talisman as a warning. king your disguise is transparent

“Xie Lian remembered the way Feng Xin laughed until he was hoarse when he first heard that verbal password all those years back, and couldn’t help but feel nostalgic, even though it wasn’t the right time.” - awwwww omg im emotional about this... faithful friend feng xin laughing at xie lian’s stupid joke password and remembering it!!! ;_;

“They have, but they’re not effective,” Feng Xin said. “Usually they’re the most diligent in scorning the Palace of Ling Wen, like they could do the job way better if they had the position. Now that we need them to take up the task, not a single one can do even half of what she does.” - typical... typical typical typical

also emotional about the fact that feng xin contacted xie lian at all.....

also!! emotional about lan chang as a mom and wanting to help out sick lil guzi.....

xie lian forcing “fu yao” to let him help “his general” is making me.... what is friendship if not playing along with your buddies little shenanigans while also making them accept your help

“Someone like Mu Qing, even though he’s narrow-minded, petty, sensitive and skeptical, has a bad personality, constantly guessing, doesn’t say nice things, likes to nag, always offending people and has a lot of people who dislike him, has no friends, can remember small, unimportant details for a long period of time…” ”Xie Lian went on in one breath with a straight face, but in the end he concluded with, “...But I’ve known him since we were kids, after all, he’s still got principles.” - XIE LIAN PLEASE AFJDLKSFJDL omg ive seen this quote before but i figured he was talking to someone else not actually to mu qing himself fgjasdkfjsl. god thats amazing. hey im gonna help you out because i care but i will roast you first <3

waaaaaait so is lan chang aka jian lan that girl from book 2 we took a page to talk about and then disappeared? that has to be it why else would we have stopped to discuss her

“Jian Lan spat on his face, then choking his neck, she slapped him twice again. “WHAT SHITTY SUPREME! YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO BLOW YOURSELF UP! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, THINK YOU’RE EVEN WORTH TO BE THOUGHT OF AS EQUALS WITH THE OTHER THREE SUPREMES? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN GOOD AT? YOUR THICK SKIN? OF COURSE I DARE HIT YOU!” - oh this feels so good i cant lie. YES GET HIM!! CHOMPING AND VIOLENCE YES!!!!

okay this description of cuocuo.... im... that sure the hell is a creature

this book is so entertaining bc i already saw spoilers for the feng xin/jian lan/cuo cuo reveal and yet i could never have predicted the circumstances that brought it about. imagine being feng xin. the heavens are in an uproar and your only friend/enemy has been jailed for possible fetus spirit-related crimes but he escapes along with this female ghost who keeps causing problems. you figure “fuck it lets see if dianxia kept his old phone number” and he has but then he hangs up on you. you’ve got fuckall else to do so you go find him. mu qing is there but he’s in his disguise the two of you were using so you could watch over his highness while staying aloof. you think you see hua cheng only he’s a chiild for some goddamn reason but who knows at this point. the female ghost is also there and theres a fetus spirit climbing trees and biting your arrows in half. you realize the female ghost is your ex and the little demon is your son. it bites you. what do you do

amazing that despite everything going on everyone is still playing along with the “fu yao” persona when it would probably be easier to drop pretenses at this point. then again tbh if i could explain my actions to my friends while pretending to be a third party.... i probably would so.. carry on

“With all his devotees gone, only Feng Xin still treated him like the Flower-Crowned Martial God and His Highness the Crown Prince. ” “...his protection charms were all seen as trash. However, Feng Xin was still determined and tireless in handing them out; telling Xie Lian, look, you still have devotees.” “After all, he was the darling of the heavens since birth, high and mighty. Feng Xin so naturally spun around him like he was the world, so how could he possibly have his own life, his own heart” “Whether or not that fetus spirit was Feng Xin’s son, if it was that period of poverty that made Feng Xin lose the girl he loved, Xie Lian wouldn’t be able to forgive himself no matter what." ohhhh my god this relationship i. im...

oh my god i still have 30 more chapters until book 4............ its naptime now i think

#tgcf liveblog #so close and yet so far......#i keep hearing tell of this fabled book 4 i must press onwards......#but now im sleepy.....#mouse mumbles

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wolfandwild · 4 years

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My Shadowlands Wish List

Now that we’re getting closer and closer to pre-patch and the inevitable launch of the expansion, I thought I’d rattle off a wish list of things I hope we get to see in Shadowlands, largely from a lore/story perspective. (Or rather, my stupid foot was hurting so badly I couldn’t concentrate on writing my fic properly, so I decided to ramble off some not-so-hot takes, honestly they’re pretty mild in the grand scheme of things). I was in the first alpha wave, so I’ve had a pretty good opportunity to play the game as it is thus far, and I did want to make it clear up front that I’m fully aboard the hype train. Shadowlands is looking like a great expansion for a number of different reasons, and while I do have a few areas of concern, on the whole I am currently feeling very positive. Please also note these are just my random, late-night personal musings - your mileage may vary, and that’s a-okay. Mild Shadowlands spoilers below the cut.

You Get A Customisation! You Get A Customisation! Everybody Gets A Customisation! This one is pretty much a no-brainer. I don’t necessarily think Blizzard need to have absolutely every possible character customisation ready to go before launch, but I’d like them to continue adding further options over time. I move in a couple of different circles in Warcraft - I’m obviously involved in the writing/lore/character aspect of the game, but I’m also GM of a raiding guild and closely follow the gameplay/competitive side of things too - and customisation is one of those few things that gets everyone excited, regardless of their reason for playing the game. I’m looking forward to seeing a much more vibrant, unique and diverse Azeroth come Shadowlands pre-patch. (Mostly irrelevant side story - when Wrathion returned in the Patch 8.3 cinematics, my Twitter and lore Discords were basically going berserk with excitement, meanwhile there’s a hundred very confused dudes in my raiding guild who don’t read quest text being all, “What the hell is a ‘Wrathion’?”. I live in two different worlds, honestly). Another reason I’m excited about customisation (and I’m probably in a very small minority on this one) is because I actually really dislike allied races, and I think it gives Blizzard an option to add more flavour to character creation in the game without always having to cobble together a new race. I honestly think they should have simply gone for sub-race customisation from the beginning, to avoid having to ass-pull allied races out of nowhere. Using customisation over allied races also makes it far simpler to give something to both factions (e.g. high elves), or to add something for one faction without necessarily having to always add something to the other faction to keep things in balance. Giving an extra hairstyle to humans but not orcs generally isn’t going to cause that much of a fuss, but if one faction were given an allied race and the other wasn’t because there wasn’t a logical racial option, there would be a shitstorm of epic proportions. So you end up in a situation where one faction* gets saddled with a really random, sucky allied race just to be ‘fair’. *The Alliance. It’s the Alliance. Leave Britney Arthas Alone Arthas has never been a personal favourite of mine, but I respect that he has a fantastic story, and that he’s a cornerstone of Warcraft lore. His story is both satisfying and complete, and that’s exactly why they should leave him the hell alone. I don’t mind if he’s visited in flashbacks (like the Bastion cinematic), or if we explore how he affected still living characters (e.g. Jaina, Sylvanas, Bolvar), but I think it would be a mistake to try to make him a central character in the expansion. In contrast, someone like Kael’thas is an excellent choice for an additional arc, because his original story was a bit all over the place and there is still plenty of room for his character development. Arthas doesn’t need it, and I don’t think the minute potential gain is worth the risk of retroactively making the rest of his story worse. On a similar note... Warcraft III Was Released Nearly 20 Years Ago, It’s Time to Move On The Warcraft RTS was a landmark series of games, and was obviously without them we wouldn’t have the World of Warcraft. However, I think the future health of Warcraft’s lore depends on the ability of the writers to grow the story outwards and upwards, not to always default back to the same handful of characters for nostalgia’s sake. While characters like Jaina, and Thrall, and Sylvanas are great, they can’t carry the narrative forever. Shadowlands represents a unique opportunity to build up the next generation of characters and to blow the cosmology of the universe wide open. From what I’ve seen on the alpha/beta, Blizzard are definitely taking a step in this direction, and I’m hoping that’s what we get instead of Patch 9.2 - Oh Look, It’s Thrall Again. On an additionally similar note... Sylvanas Is Crazy, And She Needs To Go Down (I don’t actually think she’s crazy, but one should never miss the opportunity for an Avatar reference). One of my complaints about the recent lore developments in Warcraft its that it’s starting to feel a lot less like the World of Warcraft, and more like the Sylvanas of Warcraft. She’s playing 469D chess; she’s behind everything; she’s the sole driving force of the narrative. I don’t think that works in an MMO that’s meant to tell the story of an entire expanded universe. It makes things feel small. And before I get eaten alive, I want to be clear that I don’t dislike Sylvanas as a character - in fact, I think she’s very compelling and on a night when my foot wasn’t killing me so much I’d be happy to get into an argument as to why she’s actually one of the most consistent and well-written characters in the World of Warcraft. I don’t necessarily think she needs to die, either, but I think it’s time for her narrative to come to a close to make room for other characters in the story, and I don’t think Blizzard are going to get a much better opportunity to give her a satisfying ending than in a death-themed expansion. Justice for Tyrande (Or Vengeance, Whatever Uther Wants to Call It) Tyrande got done dirty in Battle for Azeroth, probably more than any other character. I’m not a massive night elf fangirl by any means, but their entire race was basically used as grist for the mill in Sad Orc Dad’s story, with no next to no narrative follow-up besides a cool cinematic that went absolutely nowhere in game. Outside the game, her character then got subjected to the cacophonous misogynistic crowing of the fanbase that occurs whenever a female character dares to be angry in the World of Warcraft. Much like Jaina, she’s decried for being ‘crazy’ or ‘irrational’ for, you know, being pissed that her people and her homeland were wiped out in an act of wildly disproportional aggression. I don’t know about you guys, but that would tend to make me a wee bit testy, but maybe I’m crazy and irrational too. In any case, I want to see her go off in Shadowlands. Fuck ‘em up, girlfriend. You Get One Villain. If You Drop It, I’m Not Buying You Another One I think most people will agree with me that the two weakest expansions (at least from a narrative perspective) were Warlords of Draenor and Battle for Azeroth. There are a few reasons for this, but for me one of the biggest issues was that they were chop-and-change expansions. Both were advertised and started off with narratives and themes that were wildly different from where they finished up. Warlords was part Iron Horde expansion, part Legion expansion; BFA was part faction war expansion, part Old God expansion... and that’s exactly the problem. Both times, I felt like we got two half-done expansions, instead of one single, cohesive narrative experience. If you look at expansions like Wrath of the Lich King and Legion, both of which were very well received, a lot of their success hinges on their presentation of a consistent narrative with a clear goal for players within the story. The Lich King, for example, was a consistent and very present villain. He menaced you throughout your entire journey, and so his eventual defeat on top of Icecrown Citadel was meaningful and impactful. Defeating N’Zoth, by contrast, felt pretty hollow, as we hadn’t had enough narrative build up to really care about taking him down. Part of the reason I’m excited for Shadowlands is it looks like we’re getting a nice, focused story development that builds up to a logical and satisfying villain in the Jailer. Why Can’t We Be Friends? Look, I bleed blue. I love the Alliance... but the faction war should not continue to be a driving narrative element in the World of Warcraft. I don’t want the factions to be removed, I think they’re a core part of the Warcraft experience and I’d be pretty sad to have to let them go entirely, but the cycle of hating one another then teaming up in an uneasy alliance in order to defeat a bigger bad, only to go back to being at one another’s throats the next day is... tiresome.

Ideally, the war would have ended after Legion - it was the most logical place to do so, and I think it was a big missed opportunity that they ran with Battle for Azeroth immediately afterwards. Unfortunately, I think this means the Alliance is going to just have to forgive and forget, which doesn’t really make a lot sense at this point given everything that happened in BFA, but for the sake of the overall story, it might be a necessary sacrifice. That said... I Am Once Again Asking for Alliance Narrative Agency I know there are a lot of (valid) complaints to be had about the Horde storyline, but the one thing the Horde has always had over the Alliance is that they actually get to drive the narrative forward. The Alliance are pretty much exclusively reactionary, and in a lot of ways are side characters to the main Horde storyline. I’ve made this argument elsewhere, but it honestly wouldn’t be too hard to remove Anduin’s part in Saurfang’s storyline in Battle for Azeroth and have it turn out more or less exactly the same way... which says a lot about the importance of the Alliance in the overall storyline. In short, the Alliance are secondary players at best, and downright irrelevant at worst. One of my biggest hopes for Shadowlands is that we’ll actually get to see some Alliance narrative agency. To be clear, however, this does not mean a simple rehashing of Horde conflicts with a blue coat of paint. Alliance stories are not Horde stories, and nor should they be. Having an Alliance leader turn into a genocidal despot is not the only way to create conflict or agency in the story - there are plenty of opportunities for character growth, development and conflict on the Alliance side without having to have one of our leaders do a heel turn (e.g. Tyrande as the Night Warrior, Anduin dealing with his experience in the Maw, Jaina confronting the fates of people like Kael’thas and Arthas, Taelia meeting her father, etc.), and I really hope we get to see some of those narrative threads come to fruition. I Want to Mount Everything Add a hundred new mounts. Two hundred. A pot plant with googly eyes, the four hundredth Alliance horse, your mum. I’ll ride anything; I don’t even care. (Please note this is the most important opinion I have).

#world of warcraft #shadowlands #shadowlands spoilers #battle for azeroth #lore #turns out i had a few more opinions than i originally realised #anyway shadowlands looks cool guys y'all should check it out #but i would always rather have some warcraft than no warcraft #so take that how you will

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unprofessionalreviews · 4 years

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STAR WARS - THE RISE OF SKYWALKER 🌌

WARNING ⚠️ Spoilers Ahead

Overall analysis: I just wanna start out by saying that I loved this movie and I will accept no hate for it, only constructive criticism. The first time I saw the movie I was satisfied, the second - overjoyed. I realized that it had done everything I needed it to.

Here’s a list of what I loved the most -

Somehow they managed to give Leia a plot and I’m SO GRATEFUL BECAUSE ITS SO GOOD

L A N D O returning - I mostly like this because my mom didn’t expect it and then he took off his helmet and she just about cried it was PRECIOUS - and “give Leia my love”

Also, did we get a hint at a Lando side spinoff or am I just fooling myself?

fetus Luke and Leia training - YES

Leia as Rey’s “master” and the fact that SHE HAD A LIGHTSABER

Constant references to the bond between Like and Leia

Luke catching his light saber out of the fire and then being like SHOW IT SOME RESPECT WILL YA

also... red 5... when he brought his X Wing up I about had a heart attack of happiness, that’s really all I needed, for Rey to fly it and I didn’t even know

Ben and Rey’s bond and thAT MOMENT WHEN THEY BOTH HOLD UP THE LIGHTSABERS YES

Ben’s redemption and when he and Leia returned to the force I JUST -

ok so I REALLY DIDNT SHIP REYLO and then... well and then he smiled and I REALLY DIDNT KNOW THAT HE HAD NEVER SMILED UNTIL HE DID AND IT KILLED ME AND IM SO HAPPY AND SAD BUT IT WAS CINEMATIC GOLD I GOTTA TELL YA

Also, when she gave him the light saber using their bond, THAT WAS HOT

Han appearing to Ben and instead of Ben stabbing him again (lol that would be stupid) he THREW THAT UGLY HUNK O JUNK INTO THE SEE - YES BEN

I guessed that Rey was a Palpatine - I feel pretty fantastic about that one

Luke and Leia training her despite knowing who she was

They ACCEPTED HER AS THEIR OWN AND SHE BECAME A SKYWALKER

When the Emperor threw Kyle down the shaft and said something like “thus dies the last Skywalker” and everyone be like HA YOU THOUGHT

Rey hearing the voices of the Jedi GOT ME cause she now knew SHE KNEW SHE WAS A JEDI AND SHE DIDNT HAVE TO BE AFRAID OF HER POWER ANYMORE BECAUSE SHE KNEW IT CAME FROM THE LIGHT

Murdering Palpatine and ENDING THE EMPIRE FOREVER WITH LEIA AND LUKES LIGHT SABERS YEEEES

The burial of the sabers at Tatooine - this scene was the only one that made me cry - but I cried BOTH TIMES - FOR AN UNCOMFORTABLE FOR EVERYONE SITTING AROUND ME AMOUNT OF TIME (the first showing - I legit cried for like 7 minutes straight)

Rey didn’t end up with a man cause she a queen 👑 (although RIP Ben, they might of been cute but also this was better, DONT @ ME)

ALSO WE STAN FORCE HEALING ITS HONESTLY SO POWERFUL - LIKE WHAT A WAY TO GO COMPLETELY GIVING YOUR LIFE FOR THE WOMAN YOU LOVE

ALSO THE REDEMPTION OF THE PEOPLE THEY ASKED TO HELP THEM IS SO GOOD - “good people will fight if we lead them”

Rey and Finn and Poe being adorable at the end and reflecting Luke, Leia, and Han - I’LL MISS THEM SO MUCH WOW

Also Poe’s “wanna make out face” and then his “yeah that makes sense” follow up to Dorii was low key hilarious

Poe in general is pretty hilarious and fantastic character like wow

Chewy, C3PO, and R2D2 being the nostalgic masterpieces I didn’t know I needed them to be

Also my mom though Babu Frik’s name was Bubble Freak and I -

To wrap this up I gotta say I will always hold Star Wars on a pedestal in my mind because it was a big part of my childhood and my nowhood so I gotta say thank you. Thank you for headstrong and badass female characters. Thank you for constantly showing the importance of family - by blood or not. Thank you for showing the importance of Hope and how no matter what happens, we must never lose it. Even when we fall, we can rise again.

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theartistgirl · 4 years

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Warning: Spoiler!

Okay, so just got back from seeing Cats and it...wasn’t...that...bad...?

Spoilers below. This will be long.

When you go to see this, you can’t really compare it to the musical because the story is actually quiet different. It is truly a new take on the idea. I know some people are going to go in wanting to hate it but I liked it well enough. I will actually be seeing this again with Knitwitty and Windpurr on Sunday and may add more thoughts later but lets start with two things right off the bat: 1) Munkustrap is almost perfect, I mean, I could find no issue with this performance of my favorite silver tabby. Bravo Robbie Fairchild! 2) Female Deuteronomy was fantastic and not weird. Yays!

Okay, the real big issue I had: Tugger. Don’t get me wrong, there were a few times he was in character. There is this part during Bustopher Jones where he pours champagne into Bustopher’s mouth, then when he’s done Bustopher says ‘Thanks Tugger’ and yeah, that felt right. But the real issue,they did not give him sex appeal and his singing left something to be desired. It felt more like he had ADHD, which would work if he was a kitten. But as the Character he is supposed to be...not so much. His part of the Ball was odd and kinda forced. Worst of all, there was little to no interaction between Tugger and Mistoffelees. Zilch, zip, zero. He didn’t sing the song, he wasn’t even around till the end. No friendship or anything hinted at.

Leading into that: Mistoffelees. I really enjoyed this portrayal. He was adorkable and shy, really a sweetheart that I wanted to adopt. However he did lack the cheekiness that the musical and the DVD version had as well as very low in self confidence. The only thing that really bothered me was, well, he didn’t dance. There was no conjuring turn, no amazing ballet moves, non of that at all short of Ball moment. I could go on, but I want to wait till I re-watch it to make my final judgement.

Gus the Theater Cat: Perfect. Wonderful. Loved it. No complaints with Ian McKellen.

Also, Growltiger was unexpected and I was happy to see him.

Now, for a performance I dreaded but hoped wouldn’t ruin the film: Rebel Wilson as Jennyanydots. Oh, boy...to much to list so I’ll stick to the big things. First off, many of her moments (as always) felt forced and out of place. Yes, the crazy cat lady moment was funny and her interaction with Bustopher wasn’t bad. Second, well, she didn’t feel like Jenny. At all. While it didn’t ruin the film I felt dissatisfied with what should have been a large role. She also didn’t tap dance.

Skimbleshanks: Wonderful performance, had the energy and fun as always. They gave him the tap dancing parts and it worked really well.

Old Deuteronomy: A pleasant surprise. I usually find myself disappointed when they switch genders on such an important character but this worked very well and Judi Dench made it a treat to see.

Macavity: Loved the crazy eyes, they really stood out and grabbed your attention. I really enjoyed his story in this retelling. At least most of the time. Later on he became kinda cheesy and not a threatening. Biggest issue was THERE WAS NO FIGHT SCENE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The fight scene was the big heart pounding epic score portion of Act ll and THEY DIDN’T HAVE IT!!!!!!!!!

Also, Bombalurina worked for Macavity? As did Mungojerrie and Rumpleeazer? To be honest, the hardest thing was trying to figure out who all the non song cats were. Its harder without the wigs, they all blend together.

Grizabella, as always was a beautiful sad part that chocked me up.

And as I stated in the beginning of the post, Munkustrap was the best part of this movie and I loved every moment he was on screen. He was the one I was most concerned about and I was glad that I didn’t have to worry at all!

Oh yeah, Victoria. Not a bad portrayal of the character. She even did some ballet which made me smile. And I enjoyed the cute little thing she and Misto had. All in all, I felt like they turned her a tiny bit into a Mary Sue but that could also be because they gave her all of Jemima’s singing parts.

.....was Jemima even in the movie? Actually, was Jellylorum or Demeter there either? Pouncival? Tumblebrutus? I might have seen Alonzo maybe. Cassandra? Etcetera?

So hard to tell who is who with the sleek fur design. -_-:

I could go on but really the thing that stood out more then anything was the lack of dancing. I mean, there was dancing, but it wasn’t the jazz/ballet that made the Jellicles the Jellicles. There was some break dancing that was fine but a lot of it was more interpretive dance and kinda...boring. Seeing the cast dance has always got me energized and wanting to dance along before (bad dancing but still) however, that didn’t happen with this film.

The fiance’ was disappointed that they didn’t have the Rumpus Cat story. HE love’s the Peke’s and the Pollicles.

#Cats 2019 #cats the musical #munkustrap #mr mistoffelees #tugger #jennyanydots #gus #skimbleshanks #old deuteronomy

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mimi-sanisanidiot · 4 years

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Love is wild sometimes, ain't it?

Do you ever feel like you're in love with someone that you can't have?

I am, more often than I'd like to admit.

I'm in love with my best friend. And I can't have her. Because she's in love with our other best friend. And it hurts. So damn much.

Hi, my name's Mimi and I'm a fucking dumbass, welcome to my tedtalk!

For the sake of anonymity of my friends, I'll refer to them as Bean, and Mochi. We're all female so here we are.

I met both Bean and Mochi in my first year of highschool. I met them separately in mutual classes and I found out we're all mutal friends. Bean was in my art class and we were on opposite ends of the room, but always in the view of one another. When I first saw Bean, she confused me so much. Bean is rather tall for a girl and has a slim thick frame, due to her androgynous style of clothes and fluffy short hair, she's often confused as a boy. Which works for her style. At the time, me being a still blind lil gay in the making, couldn't tell if she was a boy or a girl due to being so far away. But honestly it never bothered me. Still Bean confused me so much!! One day she'd be in baggy male clothing and the next she was in a crop top with a skirt and knee high socks! Either way she made my heart race! I didn't care if she was a boy exploring her style and identity or a girl having fun with her outfits or anything in between. So one day, I gathered the courage to finally walk up to her and complimented her My Chemical Romance t-shirt that she wore often, after class. I was never the kind of girl who made friends easily but could make conversation with any stranger if I truly tried to.

So saying that, you can obviously see that I as a new freshman tried to become friends with this beautifully intimidating human being by pointing out the most teenager angsty thing a teenager can wear to show how angsty they are! The cliche of teenager angst, My Chemical Romance!!! That aside, this would be my first official real conversation with her, aside from the shy hi's and nervous excuse me's that we often exchanged when we passed by and bumped into each other during class in accident. So you can see where this is going. I obviously made a fool of myself trying to speak clearly and loud enough for her to hear me as I walked by her on the way out of class, keep in mind most kids were trying to leave and they were quite loud since the door was near her desk. She hadn't heard me so she asked me to repeat myself, while I was panicking on the INSIDE! I did repeat myself, while stuttering a bit and my subtle lisp wasn't so subtle anymore! I was dying.. I wanted to bolt out that door and hide in my corner and never emerge again. But she was so nice.. She just smiled so sweetly and so kindly at me seeing that I was freaking out about my inability to speak properly at the moment, it surprised me honestly. No one other than my parents had looked at me like that but my parents hadn't comforted me about my stuttering since I was a child. And here she was, this awkwardly shy giant was smiling at me, making me feel so much better and still making my heart race. I felt myself smile back a bit and nodded and turned to make my way out of class. But she stopped me, she had then complimented my Attack on Titan button and my Spirited Away button my backpack, which made me so happy! She knew who these characters were and she complimented me on them. No one, not even my friends, said anything about them. They never noticed them, nor did they like anime. So to have Bean notice them and say she liked them, made my day.

Soon after that, I asked her if she'd like to join me for lunch and she did.

We hit it off immediately! We're both dorks and nerds about different childhood shows and random nerd stuff. Not only that, we both looove food! And we also connected on the fact that we're huge romantics and are girls on the slightly heavier and tall side too. We became close friends and hung out at lunch almost everyday. Up to this point, I was always by myself at lunch since all my other friends had 1st lunch and Bean and I had 2nd lunch. I was alone and then, I wasn't. Bean had made me her friend and that made a difference in my life for the better. I had dealt with a traumatic incident in my last year of middle school so i don't doubt that Bean practically saved my life my freshman year, even if she doesn't realize that but that is a story for another time. She also introduced me to some of my closest friends now. So I have her to thank for that. I soon realized that I had a huge crush on her that I feel like was really obvious but not to either of us. But that doesn't matter, since I never confessed and she had her boyfriends and people she dated as we grew closer. Although it hurt me, it made me happy just seeing her happy. And I was there to help her feel better when things didn't work out in the end. And that made feel happy just knowing she was happy and that I made her feel comfortable enough to come to me for help. So I too had dated a few people and had my heart broken quite a few times but my heart had always beated a bit faster when I thought of her.

My love for Bean only grew as the years pasted. But as did the growing friend zone between us. So I pulled an Angelica Skylar and was just happy that I could keep her in my life.

My bond with Mochi had also grown throughout the years despite us being different in multiple ways. Mochi sometimes gets overly comfortable sometimes and it ticks me off sometimes but she means well. The three of us have late night adventures and loads of sleep overs and have fun gushing about music and cute people, both male and female and nonbinary peeps! It's fun.

Back to my main simp story and not my sad friendzone gay shit.

The three of us are quite open with our sexuality and feminine charms, ya know? We flirt with each other often, it's always been part of our banter. We also playfully grope/fondle each other when ever we're together. The fondling occurs more often than not when we're with Mochi. Sure we all initiate it at some point but when Mochi is hanging out with either of us, she's the main instigator. We're all chill about it cause titties are nice, and so are soft thighs and love handles! We all like the soft plush!! We all drink body appreciation in this household!!

Mochi is fantastic! I love her so much! But she also becomes unresponsive to group moments sometimes.. Like we would all be chilling watching a movie or something, like maybe having a conversation and then she'd be off by herself always on her phone and never reacts to anything we say. When she stays over, she sleeps way in, past what we decided, and is inconsiderate of if either one of us have any other plans that day. We plan to have a sleep over of one day and she stays for 3. I can never ask her to leave cause I was always raised with my home is open for those who need it but one can also overstay their welcome. And I absolutely despise confrontation. It makes me uncomfortable and makes me feel like I'm the dick, even when I know that I'm in the right.

But that's besides the point. I love them, I truly do. I'm just weak against my friends when it comes to my own comfort sometimes. That's something I'm working on currently.

So you see, these are my best friends, yes they are flawed but so am I. Yet I absolutely love them.

Mochi had invited both Bean and me to a whole weekend trip with some of her friends that she wanted to introduce to us. Sadly I couldn't attend having already used my day out of that week the day before she had asked. But Bean went. They had a blast, drinking and going out to the shopping district of the beach town they went to. Not in that order obviously. They were safe and locked themselves in their hotel room when they began drinking and hadn't went out once they began. I'm not going to lie here, it hurt not being able to go because I was excited to meet Mochi's friends and hang out and have drink to let loose for once, you know?

But when they came back, Bean had kinda went off the grid. She wasn't responding to group chats nor private messaging. At first I thought, oh she's busy and she'll get back to me later so no sweat right? Wrong.. She never did. And when I'd check out our messages, she only left me on seen and that's it. Then I'm like, did I do something wrong or is she doing okay? Turns out, she's fine. But I wouldn't have known that if it weren't for Mochi. Mochi had told me something that broke my heart more than it did finding out Bean was in love with a toxic manipulating piece of garbage with mommy issues and she was sacrificing her own mental well being to help a human dumpster fire. Again that's another story for another time.

So this is it, it hurts to know the person I've been in love with for almost 6 years, had kissed my best friend and has admitted to a stranger, while drunk, about how much she wants to get with said best friend. Never.. Never did it occur to me, that she ever felt that way towards Mochi, and that she also kissed Mochi while Mochi was and still is with her boyfriend.

I don't know what hurts more, the drunk confession to a stranger, the kiss or that she didn't tell me her feelings for Mochi.

I know that I'm not entitled to her feelings nor her explanation nor ever lil detail of her life. Because that's not healthy nor is it right. I know that the only person at fault here is my own toxic mentality. But I still worry sometimes okay..?

I was worried that she was having a bad time and she was by herself.

I was worried that something had happened to her.

I was worried that she had had enough of me, and was simply trying to figure out a way to end our friendship without trying to be mean about it..

I was worried that she simply hated me and wanted me out of her life for good and was simply ghosting me until I got the hint...

Maybe that I had done something to have upsetted her..

I just guess that Bean didn't need my prying and needed time to collect her thoughts.

But at the very least, she could have done was send me a message. Like "I'm fine, need time to collect myself, ttyl" or something...!

My own intrusive thoughts are bad enough, but worrying about whether or not, my best friend is alright is too much!!

I dont even know! Maybe I'm the ass in this scenario! With my own toxic pensive ideals and my overbearing personality. Maybe I shouldn't project my feelings towards my best friends and maybe just fucking grow up and move on from something that will clearly never happen!!!

Maybe I should simply get over it..

But it hurts, so much..

Because maybe I missed my shot at ever being able to confess to Bean.. Because I'll never know if she ever felt the same, that I'll never know if I had a chance at all... All because I was too scared to lose my best friend...

Now I might lose both of them if they don't work their feelings out... Maybe I'm just a pathetic piece of garbage.

I have no clue how I'm supposed to act anymore. Mochi is still with her boyfriend, Bean is in an emotional limbo and needs to collect herself and I'm an emotional mess.

If anyone has any advice on what I should do or how I should proceed, please let me know.

I have dinner with them in an hour, and I'm scared.

Thank you if you made it this far, I appreciate that you're willing to read a strangers love life or the lack of one and follow their rant. I hope you all have a great day, evening, or night, stay hydrated and tell your loved ones that you love them before it's too late.

Please learn from my own mistakes. If anyone likes this, then let me know and I'll tell you more about my pathetic love life stories and my pining over my best friend.

#serious talk #love life #sad lady hours #advice needed #pining #in love with my best friend #heartbreak #confused #emotional

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sixmorningsafter · 4 years

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An Apology Letter, SMA Love Letter, & Gabi Appreciation Letter

Let me begin this review by apologizing. Not just for waiting almost a year to review this insanely awesome chapter (don’t even tell me I don’t have to; I’ll drive up state just to take you by the shoulders and shake you and that silly thought out of your head; it is an honor and privilege to tell you how awesome you are!), but also for the tone of this review feeling so haggard. 2018 was, as Damon told Kai, “not a good look”, and I feel like it’s digested all the gall and sass and shit-starting energy I usually dole out for these reviews, so here I am, a regurgitation, still holding to the fact that you’re a fabulous writer who deserves all the praise I can possibly muster for your efforts. Despite having a life (or not, considering, ya know, med school), you still post on this page; you’re clearly still carrying the headcanons and the plot and the characters with you. I know the feeling of having the desire to write but feeling too tired, physically and emotionally, or disinterested or unmotivated, or whatever so I can’t even sit in your inbox like “hey love sma! You write soooo good. You’re awesome! and uh when are you gonna update?” Of course, I’d love an update, but I also know you. You want to put out your best work, what you’re at least 95% proud of, and it’s so obvious in Chapter 17.

Side note: I reread Chapter 16 and my review to give myself context and bolster some pizazz just for you.

REPLY: Let me begin my response to this review by apologizing for MY TEARS. Cass, you’re just an absolute light in this bitchy eclipse of a world and your ridiculous kindness radiates off every sassy, stubborn, talented, vulnerable, open-hearted part of you and I’m so, so happy I get to call you a friend. The fact that you took the time to write all of this despite your ridiculously busy, full, grad student, WEDDING-PLANNING (at the time) life, largely because you knew it’d put an idiotic smile on my face? You’re just a gem of a human being. I don’t know what else to say. I’m trying to keep my responses as succinct as possible because I’m so eager to post this and share your insights and writing with everyone else, partly because they always make me and my dumb writing look smarter than it actually is, but mostly because it’s a crime to keep it from the world. Anyway, onward and upward:

Bamon + Kai + the Pig Cadaver

To remind the audience, Bamon had a pretty petty and deep-cutting fight last chapter; Damon got over himself, with the help of Kai (kinda), and now Bamon are on better terms. That being said, these two dumbies are so… nerve-wrackingly good at detaching themselves from conflict. Like, I feel like Steroline would have put up walls and ruminated hard on something as harsh as Damon’s mention of Bonnie’s shitty life, but Bamon are King and Queen of sweeping the bad shit under the rug.

REPLY: I think it’s so cool that you point that out because it made me realize that’s one of my favorite things about writing Bonnie and Damon: they’re ability to both deliver and take hits. They’ve both gone through some really dark, messed up stuff - the kind of stuff people with more traditional upbringings tend to tiptoe around because they don’t know how to talk about it - so it’s almost like to be accepted in their entirety, they need to be around people who are unafraid of that stuff. Unafraid to go there. Unafraid to bring it up, unafraid to cross lines sometimes, unafraid to make jokes about messed up experiences and accept them about each other without flinching. I think they can recover quickly from those kind of blows from each other because in a weird way, at least they’re being acknowledged. At least someone’s talking about it without getting that wincing, deer-in-the-headlights look and acting like it’s a forbidden topic. Obviously in the last chapter, Damon took it too far and was trying to actively alienate her with his comments, but in general I really enjoy writing their budding sense of familiarity with each other. Anyway, good thing I’m being succinct right the review hasn’t even really started GOOD LORD.

Damon jolting Bonnie like she’s being electrocuted is so unbearably cute to me. So domestic. So friendly but also playful but also coupley… I’m dead.

“Wow, you’re really going full nerd.”/”Oh… you sweet summer child, you haven’t even begun to see full nerd.” In my previous review, I (demanded) mentioned wanting more nerd!Bonnie, and you delivered. What an honor, truly.

“It was like he’d [Kai] never left, except now he was surrounded by a bunch of wires and a mini Tesla coil.” I don’t know if I ever mentioned this, but I think it’s so funny and silly that you embedded some serious sci-fi shit in this romcom fic. Like, we’re really out here, considering is Kai an alien? Can Kai really teleport or “dissolve in and out of the time-space continuum as he pleases”? He’s not just creepy or socially inept. He’s also fucking extraterrestrial.

lmfao in chapter 16 or 15 or whichever it was where they explored Kai’s apartment while he went swan-hunting, I had to make a choice about whether to keep things semi-realistic or just go balls-to-the-wall cray re: Kai and I think we all know which route I decided to take 😂

“Still, it was a surprisingly appealing thought, the idea of having some kind of effect on him.”/ “Snagging the unsnaggable.”/ “Ruffling the unruffable.” We out here, making up words and shit; my Word doc spell-check is having a field day. But her observation about having dealt with guarded people kind of relates to what I was tryna say earlier on: both Damon and herself are very guarded, and her ability to see that nothing truly sticks to him is reflective of that same for her.

“It was like he was coated in oil, like his entire personality was adapted to glide through life without ever catching on anything around him.” / “Even the good things.” Talk about knife to the gut (why yes, this is a reference to the future Steroline conversation, which I am using to demonstrate how fucking enamored I am by this understanding of Damon’s character). I feel like Damon started as the kid thinking “if things are good, then something bad is gonna happen” to “good? bad? what are those and, more importantly, who fucking cares?”

Just another day of Cass making me feel like a far better writer than I am because she always gets exactly what I’m going for and then explains it better than I do. That’s precisely his trajectory, man. He went from a kid with no control of his own life, constantly bracing for impact, to a kid who realized nothing can control if you don’t give a fuck. If good things don’t make you happy and bad things don’t make you sad, you’re always at equilibrium. You’re always at a steady-state. And most importantly, you’re at a steady-state that no outside factor controls.

“Maybe the oil coat went more than skin-deep.” Foreshadowing! I like this conversation a lot though. Insight about Bonnie’s past (another gracious gift promised last review, thank you SMA goddess for such a blessing) and her PTSD and embarrassment about the shit show that is her parents.

Bonnie’s “I wish I could turn it off like that.” Speaking of shit shows, nice nod to canon.

😂😂😂

“Was that—vulnerability?” Yes baby, revel in it! Idk if you did this on purpose, but it’s like Damon is leaning into his previous realization of her cracking his “varnish” (just realizing his description of a glossy seal is an almost visual parallel to Bonnie’s description of him being slick with oil (I’m thinking like petroleum)… anyways). Like, “she’s already seen me lose my fucking mind in the cellar, being a little vulnerable about it won’t hurt, right?” I mean, yes, but also, Bonnie is a shit-starter too, babe.

“Were those—emotions?” / “I hate knowing you.” / “Are you okay? Do you need some water?” and later paired with “How does it feel to be a human being?” / “Stupid.” / “That means you’re doing it right.”

You know how I feel about Kai’s “Friends!” He is so weird, and I love it, but I’m also afraid that I love it. Thanks!

Yeeeesssss, I wanted to show him slowly starting to adjust to the fact that she’s seen things. Him. And you know what, here they are anyway. The world’s still spinning. She’s still being her weirdo competitive self. So maybe it’s not the worst thing to have (albeit accidentally) let someone in a little. A big motivation for me re: Bamon in this chapter was getting them to the point where they eased into being comfortable sharing things with each other. Not everything, obviously, but way more than they share with the average person. Kind of like a ‘well we’re stuck in this ridiculous situation and we’re unexpectedly more alike than we think so maybe we just lean in a little’. So I’m really glad that’s what you got out of this, WOOT.

Kai’s everyone’s friendly neighborhood son/serial killer and I think it’s best to just let yourself adore him and hope for a minimal body count.

The Matt Talk

I think I already told you I was so emotionally distraught this chapter. If you’re new to SMA, hi I’m Cassandra and I’m always an emotional mess when it comes to Gabi’s writing. But, this was some next level shit. You’ve said so many times you’re worried about how these emotional scenes go, but like fuck dude. You went hard, and it was so difficult for me not to be actually crying. Idk, I’ve never been in Caroline’s situation or known anyone to go through this, but the whole injustice of it, you know? The possibility that any woman could be going through this or has gone through this. I’m not belittling the men who have been abused in their relationships, of course. What I am saying is if I am taking this personally, having never experienced it, but as a female, knowing this could very well happen, that means your writing is fucking spot on.

Full-disclosure, your entire breakdown of this scene is just the most beyond fantastic thing that I don’t even want to break it up with shitty responses. I’m pretty sure reading your insights about it affected me more than the entire multi-week process of actually writing it, so idk how you did that but here we are. For the millionth time, your responses are the only reason I think maybe all my fumbling and exasperated editing is somehow producing something half-okay. I’m dying whale noises. Bye.

Setting the scene up with Steroline in the tub, for being their poetic selves tryna be symmetrical in their emotional moments and emphasizing how thick the silence around them is… oof dude. I know you have that “movie” mentality when you write, and idk how you fucking do it, but it definitely translates. Idk if you’ve ever been in a moment like this, where you need to say something of Importance to someone of Importance, but your voice has just gone on vacation for a minute, and you’re sitting there with an empty tongue, and, in my experience, the person tries to prompt you about what you’re trying to say, but I’ve been in moments like this. So, this set up was so poignant for me. Luckily, she’s talking to Stefan, the boy who listens to even Rebekah earnestly and wholeheartedly.

Caroline’s Gazania daisies metaphor: shit breaks my heart. How long did she think about this? The metaphor is like… a detachment. Like, how light bends in water. Her story is the light, the flower metaphor is the water, allowing the story to refract, to be that much more removed from the reality.

“A flicker of intimacy based not on things they’d experienced together, but rather things they’d experienced apart.” I think it loops back to Bamon too, whether neither are eloquent enough to make that seamless connection. I think that should be the tag line of each ship; these very different people are tied to one another by feeling what they’ve felt and relating it back to what the other(s) has (have) felt.

I think you’ve very skillfully woven canon and SMA for Matt’s story. TVD made him the human golden boy, and SMA has him resentful and dark… and it just goes to show how environment can really shape a character’s outcome. tvd!Matt saw the supernatural as the reason his life was so shitty and suddenly had a purpose; sma!Matt didn’t have that scapegoat, so without rhyme or reason for his shitty circumstance, he fabricated that it was somehow Caroline.

Fucker.

“Senior year was kind of a train wreck” to “We were still okay, though. Still us.” Rereading this part made me seriously think of like… a slingshot. Like, all of this is just leading up to the snap and the release of Matt’s true colors. And how devastatingly it was that Caroline didn’t know, honestly couldn’t know, that it was going to happen.

Shit like Matt being mad at Caroline for proudly blurting out she got accepted into NYU when Vicky had just OD’ed is so fucked up to me. To be actually mad about it. Bro, stay mad about it. But that’s the point, isn’t it? That this was the final straw for him, the last thing to tip him into batshit abusive fuck mode.

As a therapist, I could easily say, he is clearly shaped by his circumstances, he didn’t have enough support or self-esteem to fully develop the core values and strengths that he needed to not become this abusive piece of shit, that there might be some self-awareness by the way he tries to remedy a bad fight with a great breakfast (or a learned behavior to get approval again). Even if I do consider those things, irl and even with Matt, it’s in no way condonable, and I don’t think I could ever be able move from this point of view.

“She’d lived like that for months, a blur of turtlenecks and concealer, of overbright smiles and obsessive thoughts, of guilt and blame and normalizing the abnormal, of questioning if what she thought was happening was actually happening.” / “Could actually be happening.” Just reading this summarizes all the females who are in relationships like this, who question whether their partners’ could actually be raping them… ugh. It breaks my heart even now, writing this review.

(Honestly, I had to step away and resume the next day)

Caroline’s comeback: “He was staring at the old Caroline. The one he hadn’t broken in. The one that ran on gall and instincts, that didn’t dim herself for anyone, that’d jump in front of a bus for the people she loved… She’d grown back into her skin. Unshrunken till she was towering over him, a bright, brilliant light staring down at a meager lick of flames.” This whole bit was so good, so relieving, so satisfying. I know what Matt did still haunts her, but Caroline coming back and reclaiming who she is, even to present time, is so, so satisfying.

“Let’s be real, though, Bonnie could probably beat us both up.” / “Definitely.” – these were my thoughts when Caroline was defending her lol.

The Universe Speech: ilysm but also fuck you for being so good at this lol. I am so mad at how good you are at this, and you’re kinda like shruggy shoulders, I’m-just-trying-my-best. Get your humble ass out of here. “I think you’re a universe. I think you’re full of suns—and comets and black holes and everything in between. And when one sun burns out, you’ll just flare into a million more, unapologetic and infinite, because nothing… not pain, not heartbreak, not even the entire exec board of Emory apparently, can stop a universe from expanding.”

And Caroline immediately clicking with the metaphor? (rewriting her Gazania metaphor story I hope) And she runs with it like, “It couldn’t help but make her feel like maybe she hadn’t lost anything. / Maybe she’d just outgrown it.” and “An infinite, chaotic expanse of dazzling light and annihilating dark… capable of anything but responsible for nothing outside of stretching out toward an invisible horizon fiercely, constantly, even in the face of billions of years of gravity pulling her back”. THIS IS MY SHIT DUDE. First off, this visual representation of a person is so beautiful and inspiring and so full of grace and forgiving, you know what I mean? It just shouts volumes to how okay it is to fail sometimes or to feel Feelings, and how it shouldn’t and couldn’t be used against her. It’s literally the expanded and improved version of “reach for the stars” – more like be the universe, among the stars, and reach for the unknown. BIG OOF.

“I can’t possibly follow that up with my dumb Elena drama” / “Hey, not a competition.” – someone recently quoted someone else to me, saying It’s not the suffering Olympics, and it’s resonated with me so hard, dude.

Steroline throwing back things the others have said, Stefan’s “Whatever nice thing you feel like you have to say, it’s okay” and Caroline’s “You can’t escape me! / I’m unapologetic and infinite!”

I don’t remember if its this chapter or last, but Stefan indulging in Caroline’s playful side, and Caroline recognizing Stefan’s sassypants is by far my favorite Steroline Thing ™ in this story. Parallelly, Bonnie’s Damon-ain’t-shit attitude, and Damon’s she’s-more-than-I-anticipated revelation is my favorite Bamon Thing ™.

I am overwhelm-sion.

I am aegoifhjaeoeagidhy.

That scene took me weeks of editing to get in a remotely publishable place and even then I was like WELP SURE HOPE THIS ISN’T OFFENSIVE FLAMING GARBAGE LOL ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT *POST* so. Needless to say. This response means el mundo. I am in full turtle.

But real quick, exiting emotional turtle stance to say that I feel like you and I have always been super in sync about liking writing that celebrates messiness and imperfections and humanity in all it’s mistake-ridden earnestness so I’m not surprised you liked the universe metaphor as much as I did. Fuck suns and their one-dimensional asses. We stan universes in this bitch. Asteroids. Supernovas. Blow some things up. Crash into some planets. Sink into some really deep darknesses. It’s okay. There will always be bright, brilliant stars all around you, too.

Bamon, Kai, Bonnie’s Feral Sweet Tooth, and The Food Fight

Speak of the devil: “She shook her head, lips curling into a droll ‘get over yourself’ of a smile, and for some reason, something about the look stuck out to him a bit.” AND, MY FAV: “For some reason, he liked it.” YES YES YES YES.

He’s hopeless.

The “Love It” arc (why yes I did use that word very specifically to refer to the sassy snap). On a tangent, Kai on Twitter, Kai on Pinterest… for an alien, he’s very adaptive.

He’s got his entire home planet hooked on snapchat.

Oh, here it is again: “Now that he knew what a genuine fucking weirdo she was, he was a little curious about what she’d actually been thinking.” I know fluffy moments such as Never Have I Ever (before shit hit the fan) are most likely over, but if they were to return, I suggest Truth or Dare, and Damon asks Bonnie what she thought of him when he’d met Caroline (and her) at that club. Listen, both Damon and I want to know. I’m not saying make it happen, but I am.

There’s another dinner coming for their last snowed in night because I’m nothing if not repetitive and I think Truth or Dare is a trope I can definitely work in. I mean, I wouldn’t want it to feel left out given that I’ve used every other fanfic trope known to mankind.

“Wow!” Bonnie exclaimed, leaning forward to peer at the uncanny cake topper with a bewildered look. He even got her one earring right. – I’m cryinggg

He’s special.

“Can we just… go through what all of these heavenly things are, because I may look calm, but I’m actually losing my mind.”

“Absofruitely!” This is a mine of just so many fucking gems.

Kai Knowing: I feel like he’s just a mind-reader, because he already stated he can’t read people very well. But I absolutely love how both Bonnie and Damon are like, oh yeah totally super in love you betcha bud, and Kai’s like, I see it for realsies this time. Bamon 4 Eva bb. Love at first bicker, honestly.

lolololol I just loved the idea that their growing connection was so goddamn obvious that even the self-declared Worst Person Reader Ever was like ‘wowza so this is love huh?’

The Food Fight. I love the “She was glaring at him, eyelashes coated in frosting” line so much. It’s both cute and endearing, and the fact that Damon is paying that close attention.

“Cupcake Quidditch seems kind of fun.”

“It’s stupid dangerous, not to mention a giant waste of food.” Lol Bonnie.

Bonnie being on the shooting team—and Damon also being good at shooting. AU of an AU where SMA Bamon are spies or assassins (Mr. & Mrs. Smith). But only sma bamon. Fuck canon.

We don’t know her.

But also yes to this AU. @coraxes once wrote this awesome drabble where Bonnie and Damon met as teenagers and because of it I’ve always wanted to do some alternate timeline where they grew up in the same city, weaving in and out of the same seedy social circle as teens, flickering in and out of the periphery of each other’s lives, but always having this strange tension whenever their paths happened to cross, you know? Just these rare, vaguely loaded interactions where they both saw glimpses of the fact that the other was smarter than this, better than this, you know? That they both were. The point of this all being that I could imagine them both showing off whatever it is they know about guns, lololol.

“It’s not very captain-y to bathe in the blood of my enemies either but hell if that’s going to stop me.”

She’s also special.

“Temporary timeout” leading to the “Truce” leading to “she suddenly hit him with the look, like Bambi and Tiny Tim and sixteen puppies and every Pixar character ever created had been thrown into one of those face-combining apps” which ultimately leads to Damon’s “fine” and his absolute bewilderment “He just blinked in confusion, unsure of what the hell had just happened.”

From “he held out his [launcher] and she stared at it for a beat before grudgingly taking it” to “in the split-second before she spoke, he suddenly knew exactly what was about to happen” STRAIGHT UP, UNFILTERED GOLD. Like, there’s no other explanation, really. You’re the Midas of Belvafore. I’m calling it, it has been declared, no take backsies or arguments from you, young lady.

I AM NO SUCH THING BUT I WILL TAKE IT ANYWAY.

The Elena Talk

Stefan’s safe space being Bonnie’s room – my heart. There are a lot of things I don’t like about canon, you know, but it would have made so much sense to have a stefonnie friendship (more than bamon, honestly). I didn’t know I needed it until SMA lol.

Listen, I was never into it until I wrote this. I don’t even know where it came from - I legit think the clips for the first trailer I made just worked out that way so I rolled with it, but once I started writing it it felt so natural? They just bounce off each other so easily, it’s one of my fave dynamics to write in a fic full of dynamics I love to write.

The glow-in-the-dark stars: I can totally imagine Stefan helping Bonnie move into every new place, and once all the boxes are in, he’s like, all right now for the real reason I helped you move in, and he rearranges the constellations by memory.

LMAO YES.

The fire escape call backs lol. I feel like every single person in this universe is a shit-starter—it just comes easier to Daroline lol.

The segue from the glow-in-the-dark stickers to “Bright things fade” in reference to the bright, warm, gooey-ness that was Stelena. You already know, I am impressed times a thousand, as always. I also think using this space theme between them is interesting and something to be explored. (I feel like an English teacher, and like maybe it was intentional, maybe it wasn’t. Either way, there is something there, and honestly, as the writer, it was your gut feeling to go with this theme, so maybe it was a subconscious effort, if not fully intentional). (Fight me).

We can go with me having complicated, writery instincts with layers and intricacies that are all very intentional or we can go with me not being creative enough to come up with another metaphor.

The Meet-Cute has a quality that makes it perfect for Stelena. Yes, you are the author, and yes, you created what is ‘perfect’ for them, and yet? It could have easily been a different meet-cute, not Stefan’s speechlessness or her instant smitten-ness. God, he is such a Ted Mosby. But, at least, he’s learning from his Elena experience, that love may not exactly work like that. Maybe love-at-first-sight is a thing (hard maybe), but like Caroline soon alludes to, it’s more devastatingly impactful if love is grown as between two friends or even two people who don’t even like each other (both ships, honestly).

THE TED MOSBIEST. I honestly had trouble writing some of that scene because I was trying to walk the fine line between ‘this guy is sappy and unrealistic but ultimately earnest’ and ‘this guy has imposed wildly unrealistic ideals onto the world around him and it comes from a place of entitlement and privilege and neither the narrative nor the characters condone it’. I’m a big hater of the Ted Mosby’s of the world because I feel like they go through the motions of ‘growing’ but actually just keep doing the exact same thing and falling head over heels for girls that ‘disappoint them’ without ever seriously looking at themselves, so what I tried to do in the scene was show the side of Stefan that’s kind of messed up AND the side of him that realizes he’s kind of messed up. I wanted Caroline’s original dislike of him to make a little more sense, but also wanted to show you why he’s different from the prototypical Nice Guy. He knows that he was unrealistic. He knows that he purposefully turned a blind eye to red flags. He knows that he was putting too much weight on something that had a flimsy foundation at best. But he’s still human and admits that he’s never felt something that electric before, despite all that knowledge, and that’s why he hasn’t been able to shake this for two years. SO yeah, he’s an interesting one to pin down.

Sidenote about the Salvatores: I think it’s interesting that the first person Rebekah calls is Stefan, Stefan calls Lexi. Does that mean Lexi calls Freya? Freya probably doesn’t call a damn one of them lol. It’d be interesting if Lexi or Freya called Rebekah, for non-logical thinking, you know what I mean? I feel like Freya (even though it should be impossible to feel anything about her, considering she’s just a thought at this point) is very well-grounded, and she has a harder time thinking with her heart—and that’s why she might call someone like Rebekah. Omg, could you imagine that they all want to call Stefan, but if he’s busy, they call one another like, “Okay what would Stefan say? What would Stefan do?” Lol, headcanon.

Honestly this is perfect. And you’ve got Freya down to a T so idk how that happened. One of my fave things is getting headcanons about the Salvatores because they’ve basically had like one scene (two for Rebekah) on the phone and yet everyone just gets them. Every headcanon I get is spot-on. It’s delightful.

“Sounds like you and me”… “You said scowls and blizzards and vomit-inducing disdain, right?” lol oh Caroline. Allergic to a sincere moment, either reacting very, very violently or with a joke to help alleviate his discomfort.

She’s a syrupy little thing.

“Nothing could diminish the drug-rush feeling that’d flooded his veins”. I think it’s interesting that his reaction is “Nothing could ever make him forget that he was capable of feeling that much” and not that he wanted to feel that feeling again. It seems like him staying with Elena was him resupplying that feeling, but irl, it seems like people are more likely to relationship-hop, thinking that the relationship/the significant other was at fault, that love in its full drug-like capacity is worth it and they need, need, need it. It’s interesting that he turned inward and actively avoids feeling that way. He later says “It’s so hard not to want to feel it again” but what keeps him from feeling that way again? Is it Caroline’s fear of a person’s potential to ruin? Or maybe it’s just that he hadn’t found someone who is like that? Does Stefan even date around? I’m curious about your insight.

This actually took me a while to pin down in the story because canon was so all over the place with Stefan’s love life - I feel like he had a new love-of-his-life-from-the-past every season and if it wasn’t this random guest star, it was the other one, you know? He was kind of a serial monogamist in canon and yet still managed to have this distinct air of believing in a singular soulmate/’Elena’ lowkey being the be all, end all, you know? So I basically ignored that confusing shit and conceptualized him as a very picky person when it came to love. He doesn’t fall easily - or before Elena, ever. He mentions dating Valerie in high school and I’m sure he went on a few dates here and there in early college, but Elena was a punch in the face for him. He didn’t know what it was about her. He’d never felt that way about anyone before, not even close. Love wasn’t even really the drug-rush, it was her, specifically. That’s why he hasn’t felt it again, that’s why he’s scared he never will - it was entirely tied to Elena. If we wanted to analyze the ‘why’ of it all - why her, why would someone so picky just see someone and feel something they’d never felt before - I would probably say that Stefan grew up with a very specific picture of what he wanted in life, and for whatever reason, she looked exactly like what he’d imagined. The dark hair. The soft features. The romantic eyes. I think it also ties into canon a little, too, since in TVD he was immediately drawn to Elena because she looked exactly like Katherine. Immediate, visual enrapture. So yeah, long story short, I don’t see him as a guy who dates around a lot. I see him as a guy who, pre-Elena, thought he knew exactly what he wanted and never really compromised until he (thought) he found it. And now I see him as a guy who realizes that was an incredibly stupid way to think about love but worries it’s the only approach he’s capable of/that’ll make him feel that incredible feeling.

“But I’m scared I will anyways… And you’re scared you won’t.” Oof. Biggest oof.

I like how Stefan says he doesn’t want to sound like a cliché, but he’s a Disney prince. It only makes sense that he would feel that way, you know? It only makes sense that his life would play out that way. Who are this boys’ parents? How did they indoctrinate him? Or, rather, what thing made him this way?

He’s a mess. This is what happens when you’re the lone golden boy in a family of six and everyone indulges your unrealistic bullshit as cute/funny.

Your writing, for this movie montage of their love, is so perfect. Rude. The imagery! The word-choice! The whole thing reminds me of a caramel-candy commercial, where everything is warm and gooey and slow-motion. Clearly I’m not as cultured to compare to a Sundance film lol, but nonetheless, you did an excellent job describing that warm-toned, rose-colored-glasses kind of love.

Wow, I just realized how much Stefan sounds like the stereotypical ‘male author’. Except he has some decency not to describe the weight of her breasts or her aura during sex (eyeroll). Even his “and he was happy to be her anchor to that for the rest of their lives if she needed him to be”. Idr when, but Stefan shakes off some fairytale notion, saying ‘life doesn’t work that way’ or something – that is character development that we didn’t know we needed!

CAN YOU IMAGINE STEFAN DESCRIBING THE WEIGHT OF ELENA’S BREASTS now I need it

Yeah, honestly, I already said it but I’ll say it again - half the battle of writing that scene was giving Stefan just enough Ted Mosby/Male Author vibes to make him realistically flawed but not going too far as to making him someone you’re actively not rooting for anymore. I think you make a great point, though - he’s growing out of it and recognizing the role he played in his relationship failures and I think that’ll hopefully be what sets him apart.

Also, kudos for the Colorado trip call back. I think it’s very telling how invested and how thought out your process is for these characters by how you using some passing details like, Steroline skirting around their Matt and Elena stories, and then actually using them in their ‘origin’ stories… like, again, you didn’t have to, but you! went! there! and you did a phenomenal job, dude. Again, just a testament to how invested you are. Sure, you could say you wrote it out of order or something brush-off-y, but to even consider, oh hey continuity is a thing, is great. We stan an Awesome Writer!

lmao I’m so happy you get as much enjoyment as I do from little details like that - I’m usually pretty terrible at it because updating within a normal time frame? Don’t know her. But anytime I see a chance to make a random detail I threw in years ago feel remotely deliberate, I’m all over that shit.

“He felt the barest flicker of defensiveness shoot through him… instead he thought back to the trip”. Hopefully, before I submit this, I would have submitted a list of headcanons I have. One of them is that Stefan’s so well-adjusted via his introspection, that I think one of this parents are a therapist of sorts. I’m just calling it.

oooo, I LIKE that. Largely because Therapist Parents would annoy the everloving hell out of Lexi, lmao - I feel like she’s the prototypical daughter of therapists who goes out of her way to be unpredictable just so her parents can’t psychoanalyze her/figure her out.

I wonder if Stefan still thinks he and Elena could have OTP. Like, he says “or, at least, as much sense as the idea of her and a guy like Liam will ever make to me”. Because if Liam is like canon Liam… she and Liam made total sense (aside from her still being a vampire). Oh but wait… Elena is an artist, not pre-med. Because Elena x Liam made sense in TVD, being pre-med kids, flirty and competitive and ambitious. If she’d never known about the supernatural world, it would make sense for her to be with a Liam, and not a Damon, because Liam is the human version of intense/consuming… Sorry about that canon tangent. Canon, I don’t know her?

Who is she? I think I went to high school with her but we weren’t friends.

What’s SMA Liam like? Or is Stefan’s bitterness getting in the way of seeing, maybe, that Liam did make sense for Elena?

Re: Liam - it’s basically what you said above. Very different from canon Liam. Definitely played more of the canon Damon role re: this cocky, morally ambiguous bad boy that appealed to the darker/superficial/more selfish parts of Elena (that she felt she had to hide from Stefan). I think at the start of the story, there’s still a part of Stefan that thinks Stelena was OTP but the further it goes and the deeper he falls into this thing with Caroline, the more that part disappears. I think it’s really easy to idolize something when you have nothing to compare it to, and even more so when you have no closure so you stay stuck on it and time keeps passing it and making it more and more immortalized. With Caroline in the picture now, though, I think it’s shifting his relationship with Elena into a different, more exposing light and revealing some of the insubstantiality of it all.

Elena’s “it’s was like all those awful parts of me were allowed to exist again” speech is so heartbreaking. I know we’re here to cheer for Stefan, be on his ‘side’, and in no way am I saying cheating is condonable, but it’s another great example of how a writer can make you root for both sides of a broken-up couple. A mentor of mine once told me the sign of a good therapist is for each person in a couple to think you’re on their side. And I’m applying this to writing now. Not, in anyway, can I apply this to Matt (fuck that guy), but I get it for Elena. And it totally makes sense that Stefan was like that, or has a potential to be that way.

This was exactly what I was going for so I’m so happy that’s what your fancy talented therapist brain got out of it.

I love how Caroline’s conversation of ‘you can be this way and the situation was not your fault’. Basically, to say to Stefan ‘you don’t know if you could have loved the real Elena’ and ‘you didn’t deserve what Elena did’ is such a good conversation to have. Because knowing this Soft Boy and knowing how most people feel when their partners cheat, it would make sense for him to blame himself. It seems he does that by the way he holds himself back from doing that to Caroline.

Wow, he even comes to this realization, “he hadn’t been able to reconcile the idea of both of them being a little right”. Don’t I look dumb lol… time to retreat….

NO because as I was writing that dialogue I kept getting it wrong and either making it sound like Caroline was blaming him completely or too much on his side and I was struggle-bussing to strike the exact balance you’re describing so NOT DUMB AT ALL. Exactly what I was flailingly going for.

Caroline’s “Okay, now, you’re just indulging.” Another headcanon, Steroline have made a rule to say, “do you need a moment” for any self-indulgent emotion in a conversation. But they only allow a moment. That’s it. ~feel and let go~

Wow, Caroline a combination of all the Salvatore Sisters? Works like a Freya, thinks like a Bekah, talks like a Lexi.

😂this just got vaguely Freudian but also, yes.

“I don’t want to be the guy who makes people feel like they have to pretend around him. That guy sucks.”/ “That guy does kind of suck” BUT ALSO “You may have a certain gooey idealism about you that makes people want to, I don’t know, believe in good things.” My fairly-new/just-for-SMA Steroline heart!

There’s hope for them yet.

The Knife Speech: yes. Wouldn’t it have been kinda funny if, instead of pretending to stab herself in the stomach, she pretended to stab him, a perfect foreshadowing. Also her “I’d imagine that’s when you’re really fucked, so… best is yet to come for you, Salvatore.” BUT WAIT. Perhaps the knife stabbing of oneself is the imagery of allowing one’s self to be stabbed, to be gutted, to be vulnerable enough to be in love. (Here goes English-teacher Cassandra again, please forgive her, she’s eager and truly a huge fan).

This is a perfect example of you making me sound like a hundred times better of a writer than I actually am because I legitimately do not remember who she pretended to stab in the gut and I also thought you were going to say ‘wouldn’t it have been kinda funny if she actually stabbed him and he died gurgling in shock’ and was ready to enthusiastically agree.

On a different note: “Wouldn’t you like to know.” / He’d very much like to know. How does one create such sexual tension in one small exchange? Big oof again.

Honestly this makes my life because I always feel like I’m SO BAD at getting these mood whiplash lines to pack enough punch. Like they always do in my head when I can see the delivery and the camera shot and whatnot, but when I write it I’m always like ‘eh. I mean. I guess’. TRUST YOURSELVES FRIENDS.

Bamon in the Bathroom

First off: “In my defense, you goaded me into playing” / “Yeah, well in my defense, I didn’t know I was releasing the fucking Kraken”. L O L

Bonnie’s winning – “But hey, a win was a win, right?” – I love it. Never underestimate Bonnie Cutthroat-Competition Bennett!

“You’re kind of a maniac, you know that?” paired so deliciously with “Didn’t say I wasn’t a maniac, too.” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I think I forgot how much I loved bamon and all their goodness? Especially your version. Ahhhh!

“You know, for a doctor, you’re really bad for my health.” Bad for your heart! ‘Cause she’s got it racing! Oooo, burn!

That’s such a Kai line I’m dying.

Bonnie getting all defensive and going off about how she doesn’t mind “being the person that someone needs at the end of the day” (serious Stefan vibes, doesn’t he say this at one point also?), and Damon being all, like, heart-eyes and shit, calling her ‘surprising’ and stuff. Good content, yes, yes, please continue.

Ooo, didn’t even make that parallel between Stefan and Bonnie (because I am, in fact, a garbage author) but it’s so cool that you bring that up because on Stefan, that line can easily sound a little self-aggrandizing - it’s coming from (again) a place of privilege, of playing the hero because he’s had this charmed life and it’s the right thing to do, but from Bonnie, it’s almost the exact opposite. She didn’t have that growing up. She was the person without anyone in her corner. So with her, it’s not a hero complex, it’s a victim-turned-survivor motivation. I feel like I’m being really mean to Stefan in these responses lmao I gotta back off, I adore that kid. Just keepin’ it real.

“Maybe I’ve handled enough” in a playfully dramatic way, and yet, Bonnie’s full realization that (the man of her dreams) Damon probably has been through enough, and she knew what that was like. Sad boy hours.

Sad boy days.

Bonnie avoiding tension by returning to tending to his wound, Damon avoiding tension by returning to his sexy-mysterious-guy vibes. I almost titled this “SMA and the Many, Many Ship Parallels”.

The whole scene that I shall call “I go by daddy, actually” which is just vague enough to make me laugh wildly in this library full of undergrads studying for finals—and because the scene is so ridiculous and hilarious and so, so Bamon, I will die cackling.

I’m brainstorming ways to bring more ‘daddy’ energy into chapter 18.

Belavafore

“Why are you like this?” / “We’re embracing the great outdoors!” Use what he loves against him, honey, you’re doing great.

“Okay, you’re right, I’m sorry.” / “No, you’re not.” / “No, I’m not.” / “Would it help if I said I’m proud of you? … I really am.”

I love how much lighter Steroline has become. Like Caroline just casually throwing the responsibility of “Go for it” / “Forgive yourself for something” to Stefan is so… unlike her. I feel like she’s the type that shows people up whenever they’re afraid to do something, like tell their waitress this is not what they ordered. Because that’s exactly it. This whole forgiving themselves thing was not what Caroline ordered- just a side of cheesy jokes on Stefan.

GIRL YOU AND ME BOTH, I was so tired of writing their tension oh my Gooooooodsicles. I basically spent sixteen chapters trying to earn the ability to write them this light and this comfortable and this open with each other so I SAW MY CHANCE AND TOOK IT.

“I can’t believe we’re listening to happy4eva dot com.” / “We’re not, we’re listening to me” / “Is that any better?” I agree with Caroline and am fully happy to admit I am in love with Stefan’s sass.

“Some of us are capable of taking this seriously” / “What makes you think I wasn’t serious about the printer ink?”

Leash him.

Caroline’s “Here was all she needed to be” realization and acceptance is giving me so much life, I’m teeming with so much love and pride and straight up inspiration, dude, bless.

Caroline’s cathartic sobbing, and Stefan’s, “I think you might be forgiving yourself.” My whole heart is just FULL and maybe I TOO started crying, YOU CANNOT PROVE ANYTHING.

Filed under: scenes I wrote horribly the first few times and still was not convinced I got right by the time I finally posted it so thank God it made someone feel something because ya girl was skressed.

Bonnie going onto the fire escape without coat or shoes, despite hating the cold, just to be there for Caroline, to hug her and be happy for her forgiveness journey is the most Bonnie thing, and I am living for it.

Tag-line for Damon: “She could always count on Damon to be a shithead”.

Bonne saying her date was horrible, Damon mentioned Kai still being present – so mom and dad of them! Did I mention this in a previous review? Maybe. Ugh, I love them so much, I don’t mind if I ramble the same few things about it and your incredible writing of them.

Baroline deciding for the boys ‘this is something we are doing’. *arc snap* love it!

“You jump, I jump, Jack.” I’ll be honest with ya, when I first read this, I was like, dude I love you madly but it feels a little too late to bring this friendship quirk up in here, but then I was like, who the fuck says? You did a great job explaining the context of it, and I love it! Please bring it back! You know, when you write more…

LMFAO no girl I thought the exact same thing, so much so that I went back and edited it into the chapter where Bonnie apologizes to Caroline after her bender. It was totally too late to introduce but I was like ‘I don’t really know what else to put here so we’re gonna pretend this has always been a thing, join me friends in this who cares revisionist approach to writing’.

Steroline being protective of Bonnie’s feelings paralleling with Damon’s protectiveness of Bonnie’s physical wellbeing. It’s just much like, ‘I’m not good at the emotions thing, may I offer you a blanket and some boots instead?” Very in-character of him, this is good, good stuff.

YES, exactly what I was going for! I feel like my entire reaction to your review is either going to be YES EXACTLY YOU WORDSMITH or ACTUALLY I AM FAR TOO DUMB TO HAVE DONE THAT ON PURPOSE BUT I LOVE IT LET’S GO WITH IT.

Bonnie using the ‘you were mean to me’ to get Damon to participate!!!

Caroline’s only known Damon for a month?????? This would make sense, a little, but also it feels like so much longer. (this isn’t me side-eyeing the author, she’s busy and doing important things, but also…)

😂😂😂😂

Bonnie’s prompting of Damon, “And?” felt very much like when you’re at the doctor’s office, and they’re listening to your heart, and they’re prompting you to take a deep breath “again” and quiet and waiting. Was this on purpose? Even his “how many do I have to do?” and her “Just one more.” Feels very much like when they’re in the bathroom, and he’s being a literal child under her medical care.

This definitely falls under the ‘not smart enough to have done that on purpose but I love it so let’s go with it’ category.

“Fuck you world, I’m perfect!” inspired by our resident sociopath (who has no regrets, naturally lol). LOVE. It really aligns with Caroline’s “here” realization, and later, Damon’s “okay, noted” response. It’s kinda messy of them, considering they’re clearly not, but the acceptance and willingness to say, fuck you world, I don’t need to conform to whatever, is so nice. So, so good. So much growth. And the title name-drop! And all of them cheering one another on (especially Stefan)!

“…Damon sasses, making Bonnie’s bright laugh even louder, and in that exact moment, with Damon’s hand caught in some kind of Z-snap and Bonnie gasping for air and Stefan’s eyes crinkled from the size of his grin, she felt something shift for her… And looking at the laughing faces surrounding her, their movements arrested in some kind of vibrant slow-motion, the glint of the flurrying snow around them like magic, she couldn’t help but think that it had to be something good.” (okay maybe now I will admit to more crying).

Kai vs the Neighbor and Caroline’s realization of ‘this guy is crazy I like him’. She doesn’t like a cat, but Kai, she’s here for. “That was amazing!” / “Thanks! I still don’t understand you.” love it!

I think I’ve edited this scene (what don’t I edit) since you read it but I think all the parts that stood out to you were ones I mostly kept the same, so that makes me really happy. I had a blast writing it, particularly Kai vs. The Neighbor and everyone just giving in to hedonistic self-acceptance for that one, sparkling minute. It felt needed and I’m so glad it seemed to trigger all the right emotions.

Scrabble, Backstories, THE Kiss

I know this is not what I was supposed to take away from this, but I like Bonnie’s dark moments, lol. Like her joke about her mom not being around. Like, it makes her more real. Like Stefan’s sass makes him more real. No one is just the One Trait that ‘defines’ them, whatever the fuck that means.

I love writing those moments. I talked about this a few paragraphs up, but a big part of why I love writing Bonnie and Damon is exactly those moments - the ones where she can make a joke about her absentee mom and Damon can laugh at the idea of Kai assassinating them. They need that. They need to be able to do that. It doesn’t feel real to me otherwise. It doesn’t feel special, you know? Why are they so drawn to each other if not for precisely that? Their ability to be every part of themselves around each other - the hopeful parts, the selfish parts, the angry parts, the vulnerable parts - is what makes them tick the most, so I’m excited I’ve gotten to the point in their development where they can do that. There’s a scene pretty early in chapter 18 where they have another one of those moments, where Bonnie lets Damon get this sort of ugly/twisted glimpse at her that she’s hiding from everyone else, and she does it with this casualness that I really enjoyed writing. She’s not afraid of judgement. She’s not afraid of what he’s going to think. She knows he gets it, and he does, and it’s simple but I think it means so much more than grand gestures or big sex scenes do for them (but those are fun too lol).

Aw Damon wanting to know more about Bonnie. We see a lot of Bonnie’s curiosity about Mr. Enigma, but he’s embarking on this conversation without really knowing where it’d go or what he wants from it.

That’s a big shift that’s carrying into 18 - Damon’s officially starting to get hooked. It’s been so fun writing him in this shifting context of developing confusing feelings because he’s kind of a disaster about it - especially because Bonnie’s distracted by all the Steroline drama so she’s not even full cognizant of it.

Wow, why am I just noticing this: “He thought about the fire escape, about the things she’d claimed to forgive herself for, and dwelled in the awareness that they’d all been just as performative as his” !!!! excuse me! NOT OKAY. I guess they haven’t had the chance to talk it out like Steroline did, and maybe that’s part of the reason it was more difficult to jump onto the forgiveness train right away.

Yeah, they still have a long way to go. Honestly, I don’t even know if forgiveness really fits what they need. Bamon strikes me more as just needing to accept themselves, and I think being able to accept each other so casually and completely will play a big role in that.

“He wasn’t sure when she’d started taking up actual real estate in his thoughts, but it was kind of a disorienting realization.” !!!

“He used to let himself feel every last lick of it [his anger], blistering and white-hot… it’d bite and fester at the inside of his skin till it wore itself out slowly bled out of his pores” that’s good stuff there, dude, great description.

“That was all before he’d met Katherine, though. Before she’d shown him how to turn it all of instead.” Nice nod to that dumpster fire of canon. Datherine was such an interesting thing that could have been cool. The debauchery, honestly, instead of Damon desiring to be ‘good’ or some shit.

I honestly don’t even remember their canon dynamic and I think it’s probably better that way.

“She’d moved on from the question. He’d had an out. But for some reason, he had this weird, anxious feeling, like an opportunity was flashing past him and he didn’t want to just let it. So he kept going.” We stan character development and growth. You go, baby!

I wonder what it was like for Damon, to re-testify. Was he all shelled-up, the Damon who jokes his way through, who doesn’t give a single fuck about anything, or was he Lily’s scared son, traumatized and hurt, unable to make eye-contact or even lift his head during his testimony?

I think he was forcibly numb to the whole thing until he saw her. Probably being sarcastic under oath, acting like this was a waste of his time, but distinctly edgier than usual. I don’t think he was planning on seeing her and I don’t think he was even supposed to, given the whole witness protection thing, but knowing Lily, she probably dreamed up a way to make sure she was being transported at the exact moment she knew he’d be there, and seeing her and how entirely unchanged, unrepentant, undulled she was after seventeen years, daring to look at him like a project she was coolly proud of, just flipped him out a little.

“She looked protective./ He wasn’t sure anyone had ever looked protective of him before.” AHHHHHHH.

Once you have a Gryffinpuff in your corner there’s no shaking them.

Damon’s “Here” paralleling to Caroline’s “Here”. Two sides of the same coin, though. Caroline’s “here” was liberating and existing meant so much for her, but Damon’s “here” is just existing, not feeling or holding on to anything.

Okay, I will admit this one I did on purpose.

“Kai could probably kill them both if we asked.” Dark!Bonnie, yas queen, slay!

“They didn’t just ‘happen’ / “I did them. I actively ruined those people’s lives.” I know it seems like I’m grasping here, but this just really seems to echo Caroline’s speech to Stefan, that Elena made choices. Bonnie made choices too. Does this mean Elena is just as redeemable as Bonnie is? Stay tuned to probably never find out.

Elena Redemption Arc 2029

Damon: “In fact, it’s [accepting the ‘bad’ parts of her] not going to change you at all—they’re already part of you, they’ve always been part of you. I’m not saying they’re shiny or pretty but honestly, fuck shiny and pretty.” Stefan’s rejection of Elena’s ‘darkness’, Damon’s acceptance of Bonnie’s ‘non-shiny, non-pretty’ elements. I’m just saying dude, conscious or subconscious—your Inner Writer is doing amazing, sweetie, please keep it up forever, thanks.

“Goodness wasn’t default coded into you but having some perfect life that never tempted you to be anything else.” / “To me, that’s a hell of a lot prettier and shinier than someone who never had ugly as an option.” *sings quietly* Tell me how I’m supposed to breathe with no air?

lmfaoooo why do your expressions always murder me

‘I’m too tired to be funny’ fuck you this entire review is either poignant af or hilarious I was ill-prepared I was MISLED

“Your desperation to paint me out as some kind of reluctant hero is your real flaw—in fact, that should be the part of yourself you’re ashamed of.” OKAY THEN STOP BEING ONE

He’s so dumb. And we haven’t even gone into the Tyler arc.

Baroline quoting Defan to throw their own words back at them like ninja stars, pinning them to their words’ truths.

We love a good Pin The Truth Bomb on the Idiot game.

“I’m just saying there’s a chance you aren’t a complete supervillain.” / “I’d be a great supervillain.”

(I just had an overwhelming sense of maybe, someone in this very library, could be a SMA fan also. How wild would that be???)

I wrote this HP fanfic a long time ago that got weirdly popular and someone once left a review saying they saw someone else reading the new update at the airport and they ended up talking about it together for a little while and it was the greatest moment of my entire life

“He wasn’t sure what made him do it. Wasn’t sure if it was a pride thing, a contrarian thing, or a product of whatever weird mindfuck of a thing had been brewing between them over the course of the night, but before he even knew what was happening, he slid his hands up her face and caught her mouth in a swift, deliberate counterargument.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Damon’s analysis of Bonnie: more exclamation marks

“And that even without the varnish, even with all bitterness and fear and anxiety bursting through his cracks like light, he was worth seeing.” Actual tears in my actual eyes. I am not a crier, Gabi, what have you done

He’s a love-starved stray, LOVE HIM. PET HIM.

Bonnie being all weirded out by the intimacy of the kiss, Damon apologizing about it, “He felt a flicker of resentment over the charm of her awkwardness.”

“If he didn’t know any better, he’d think it was the beginnings of another panic attack.” It’s the knife! (you know the Vine where the kid is running alongside a pool, and the woman behind the camera says, “what’cha got there?” and the kid is like “a knife!” and she’s like “no!” that’s this.)

I’M DEAD.

INEVITABLE. BOOM.

LOOK AT ALL THOSE CHICKENS

Steroline and the Case of the Heart-Eyes

“Laughing on that fire escape was the happiest he thought he’d ever seen her.”

Stefan being unable to deal with Caroline’s weirdo silence. Being nervous and worried about it, being super boyfriendy without actually noticing it. Him finally, full out, asking her what’s her deal.

“I’m out of reasons.” It’s so simple, yet so awwwww inducing.

Stefan going into straight up panic mode is so hilarious to me, even though it’s supposed to be more on the serious side lol. Like, I can just imagine Paul Wesley’s scrunched face, pushing away, avoiding any sort of physical interaction—and I’m cackling.

oh my God now I’m cackling

why is he like that

lmao I just see eyebrows I can’t

“I’m not that guy.” / “I’m the guy who can barely breathe right now because of the smell of your shampoo / who literally can’t open his eyes because if I look at you right now, I’m going to kiss you / who’s a few involuntary stares away from having the exact pattern of your freckles memorized—in fact, I honestly might already. Six on the right, six of the left, rebel freckle.” My heart. Gabi, stoppppp! I didn’t even ship this ship before SMA!

He writes his Boy Scout-ass self blame him.

“I’m pretty sure what makes me happy is you.” I cry so many tears. “I think I might finally be at the point where I’m more scared of missing out on that than I am of what letting it in might do.”

“His heart began humming in his throat at the way she was looking at him.”

“The hope in her eyes grabbed his stupid heart but its stupid heart throat and why the hell did he even pretend he had any actual choice in any of this?” There you go, buddy, finally getting with the program. A parallel to Bamon, and Damon’s wtf is happening to me caring about this cupcake of a person?

“No banning of the full spectrum of human emotion.” / “Do your worst, Disney prince.” / “Don’t know if you can handle that.”

Another artful sex scene. I know they’re not your Fav to write, but you do a real good job. Especially for these two and this moment of it being Real.

Bless, I just never know how they’re going to come across. So easy for them to feel cheesy. Glad this one didn’t tip too far into that territory.

Caroline’s “No” and Stefan’s “a soundless projection of determination so palpable it bent the air into a word.”

“Her eyes were mosaics, art made out of jagged pieces – chipped trust and cracked pride glued together into something flawed and lovely.” Stefan has ruined every romantic thing for me. Thanks, bud.

He sucks.

Caroline’s ‘shift’ (which I am now just realizing she refers to as ‘a lock snapping undone’; giiiiiiiirl) and Stefan’s “and he felt the knife go straight through his gut.”

I can’t read that metaphor now without thinking about her legit stabbing him like a black widow and just completely 180ing this into a slasher fic.

Bonnie and the Contract

Short scene, yes. Bonnie’s absentmindedness, not just because of Damon, but because she doesn’t have eyes for this lol. It’s so casual how you described it too, “just some clothes, abandoned mugs, scatter of papers”, the usual, ya know, nothing to see here lol. Damon’s attempt to keep her from looking at the contract. Like, he was all mischief and trickery a few days ago, waiting for this very moment, and now, he’s all ‘oh uh you may wanna….’ tongue-tied. Short scene, yes. Great cliff-hanger, absolutely. Awesome way to close off what felt like whole movie worth of content? A million percent yes, sign me up for more!

Writing it def felt like a whole movie’s worth of content lmao so getting to that short, final, zippy cliffhanger scene was glorious. Felt like delivering a placenta. Like I’d already birthed the thankless succubus of a baby and all I needed now was the placenta I barely had to push to get out, you know? This metaphor got lowkey gross but fun fact one of the women whose placenta I delivered in OB wanted to keep it so her and her husband could eat it and I was like coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcool.

Okay, so this is a monster of a review for a masterpiece of a chapter (100+ pages, right?). Coupling happy and silly scenes with these intense confessions was amazing, and your fear of the emotional scenes not clicking is unwarranted! You’re truly a phenomenal writer, and I know I tell you all the time, but you need to hear it always and forever! I was recently telling my sister writing is my actual passion, and by the way in which you write, it seems like it’s, at least, one of your passions too. Like yeah, medicine is gonna be great, you’re gonna be awesome, and maybe I too will be successful as a therapist, but your passion and talent shines through your writing. YOU! ARE! GREAT! TRULY!

I will not apologize for such a long review, like I always do (13 pages babyyy), but I will apologize for basically rewriting the chapter in this review. I tried my best to simplify and summarize, but bro, so! many! good morsels of gorgeous similes and metaphors and descriptions and dialogue, and did I mention I am in love with your characters? your writing? your goddamn brain? Lol.

(Okay, I think I’m done. This took me almost three weeks to write.)

I truly hope you’re doing well, and if you’re writing, YAS, but if you’re not, you know what? You do you, girl, slay in whatever you’re doing. I am your support! I am your cheerleader! I’m here to bolster any sort of feeling you need! Love ya, toodles ;)

(If you’re new here and you got to the end of this review, hey I’m Cassandra, and you’ve made the best decision to read this fic. Gabi, look away, you’re not supposed to see my gushing about your story yet again. You, Reader, good on ya!)

Girl, I don’t even know what to say at this point. Your reviews are always just so lovely, so funny, so thoughtful, so insightful, so goddamn smart - I’m honored to have you as a reader, dude. Truly. Knowing you’re going to be reading challenges me to write better (and that’s actually true of a lot of you, if you’re reading this!). I adore having your therapist brain reading this, too, because it’s such a character-driven story and I’m writing about a lot of things I’ve never actually been through but have done my best to inhabit, and having your perspective is so wonderful. You find the motivations and you see the dimensionality and half the time your reviews actually give me ideas because you see things I don’t. So basically, all of this to say thank you. I adore you. You’re wonderful. And the one good thing about having taken so friggin’ long to post this response that I AM ACTUALLY WRITING lmao, and despite your busy life of saving people’s sanity and BEING FRIGGIN’ MARRIED, I hope you are, too! Love ya, babe. This was so kind. You’re a universe.

#reply #review #six mornings after #17 #can I just call this a drabble #we're gonna do it #drabble #submission

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calliecat93 · 4 years

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Top 10 Favorite Female Characters

Happy International Women’s Day everyone! For many years now, there have been a lot of strides made in women’s rights. It’s still far, FAR from perfect, but we’ve still made many strides and fiction is no exception. So I thought, in celebration of today, I’d talk about some of my favorite female characters of all time. I had a LOT of options and narrowing it down was tough, but I think I made a pretty good list. So let's get on with it~

10. Kimberly Hart/The Pink Ranger (Power Rangers)

I don’t talk about Power Rangers a lot on here, but let me tell you all. Kimberly is one of the first female superheroes I ever saw, and I love her so much. She begins as a one-dimensional valley girl type, though still a good-hearted person. She’s the token girly-girl while Trini was more of the token tomboy. But Kimberly over time developed form being the least willing to be a Ranger, to devoting herself full-heartedly to her duties. She could kick just as much ass as her fellow rangers, and look pretty while she did so.

Kim was a fantastic character, especially in a boy-aimed tokusatsu adaptation. There have been many other great Pink Rangers since her time. Heck my actual favorite Pink Ranger of all time is Jen from Time Force. But the reason Kim is on here and not here? Kim is the one who started it all. She and Trini defined kickass female Rangers and none of the ones we have now would have existed without the original ladies. And as much as I also liked Trini.. well... I think that Kim is the clear stand-out among most female rangers, especially since she lasted so long. I was so sad when she left and especially how Zeo screwed her character over with that stupid Dear John letter to Tommy as well as how the 2017 movie wrote her because it just made her incredibly unsympathetic and unlikeable. But she left one Hell of a legacy and I love her.

9. Hermione Granger (Harry Potter)

Despite my feelings about the author in recent years, Harry Potter is still a series I grew up on and love. Albeit I’m one of the few who got into the films more than the books, but still. The one thing that got me into the series? Hermione. She begins as a bit of a snooty know-it-all, always rubbing her knowledge int he faces of others and coming off as kind of a brat. But we soon see that she really doesn't know how to make friends and is a serious student and good person. Once Harry and Ron befriend her, we see how much of a brave, loyal, and determined girl she is, using her brains and talent in academics to get all the info they need. They would have died multiple times without this girl.

Hermione is someone we grow up with and kind of the representative of young girls. We watch her as she struggles with her status as a Muggle-born witch, how her pursuit of knowledge can overwhelm her, and of course what happens when she realizes her feelings for Ron. I... am not a huge fan of the pairing for many reasons, but her frustration and struggle feel very real. She makes mistakes, some more called out than others, but she does genuinely strive to do good And through it all, she is loyal to Harry and to the fight against Voldemort, growing to be proud of who she is and of her heritage as a ‘mudblood’. Even n the final book, where she’s forced to erase her parents memories to protect them, Ron abandoning her and Harry, and getting tortured by Bellatrix, none of it stops her from fighting for what she believes in.

Looking back now, Hermione has her problems both in the books and the films. Some of Ron's better moments got lost because the writer favored her which I can see whyt hat annoyed many people (I’m not one of them, but still), and the whole House Elf plot in the book has some... not great implications. But it doesn't stop Hermione from being a strong female character who is intelligent, brave, and Emma Watson’s strong performance really helped bring her to life. She ain’t perfect, but I still grew up watching her and I will always be grateful for that fact.

8. April O’Neil (TMNT 2012)

Screw the people who hated on her, April is awesome!

Really April in any incarnation of the Turtles is awesome. 2k3, Rise, the films. heck despite her being kidnapped every episode, even OT April was determined as Hell and you wouldn’t get in her way! But since I’m only picking one here, I gotta go with her 2k12 self. Her 2k3 self is also a close contender, but this was the version I spent the most time watching and for any of you who have follow me long enough knows, I spent a LOOOOT of time defending her from ship haters.

Looking back now, yeah there are some problems. Her limited screentime in S1, some of the Kraang stuff got rushed/crammed in, her missing mom story went nowhere, her being Donnie’s love interest. there’s plenty of problems. But those are more story issues than actual character issues. The last one especially si more an issue with Donnie’s character than April since she herself was NEVER defined by the ‘love interest’ card. She never existed for that purpose, and it shows especially by the end.

April began as a helpless, but very determined girl hoping to save her father after their abduction in which only she got saved. She spends most of her time getting intel for the Turtles while undergoing training from Splinter. She slowly, but gradually, grows into a capable kunoichi who can hold her own and gradually becomes an equal to her reptilian companions. She’s friendly, takes shit from no one, and she is probably the biggest Determinator in the entire series where ven when utterly helpless, she will STILL be defiant until the bitter end. he goes through Hell, and every single time she finds a way to pull herself together and forge on.

Despite how I fell off the series by the end, I was very happy with where April ended. From a girl just wanting her life back, to accepting her reality and making it her own. She trains herself in both ninjutsu and her new psychic abilities and becomes a kunoichi in her own right with them. She was even able to hold her own against Shredder! This girl became a badass and while there are issues here and there, I think she by far had some of the best development in the series. She remains my favorite character in 2012, y favorite April, and she has more than earned her spot on this list.

7. Avatar Korra (The Legend of Korra)

Another character who got unnecessary hate! Oh wait, that happens to every female character ever. Silly me!

Korra is what made LoK so great to me. She is a bull-headed, somewhat arrogant girl who has devoted her entire life to being the Avatar. She is the anti-Aang, so much so that she is terrible at Air Bending. But she’s also a very determined girl and went to Republic City to make Tenzin train her. Over the course of the series, we see how despite her arrogance, she is a good person who is truly devoted to her duty and genuinely wants to protect everyone. But she’s faced with her own vulnerabilities and flaws as a person as she has to learn to allow others to help/guide her and learn from her mistakes. And HO BOY does she make MANY mistakes.

Over four seasons, we watch Korra grow. She’s faced with the fact that she is vulnerable in S1 and while she doesn't fully overcome it, she does so enough to face Amon despite knowing what’ll happen to her. In S2, she faces the worse of herself but in doign so, truly improves herself and puts things right while letting go of most of her arrogance. S3 has her a much more well-rounded person trying to do what’s right, but it ended in her torture, poisoning, and she is just broken by the end. S4 has her slow recovery both physically and mentally and the road is long, hard, and just painful. But by the end, she accepts what happened and is able to find the balance to restore her power, return to her duties, and save the world from utter calamity.

I related so uch to Korra, moreso than I did Aang. She got a lot fo hate for her attitude and... well, not being Aang. But she grew so much and I loved how much of a badass and fully layered character she was. Yeah, she wasn’t Aang, that was a good thing. I loved her form the beginning, and I loved her even more by the end. She’s a great example of a female protagonist and shows that yes, a female action heroine CAN work. The Avatar franchise has many outstanding female characters (Katara, Toph, Suki, Azula, Asami, Jinora, Kuvira) but to me, Korra beats them all and I love her.

6. Wonder Woman

Well I couldn’t leave off the most well-known female superhero of all time now, could I?

Wondy is awesome. I first saw her on Superfriends back when Cartoon Network reran it. While it is a super campy show, Wondy was a true hero who stood equal to her male companions and was just as capable of saving the day as them. She was pretty much the only main female, so of course she was the one I was drawn to and I loved seeing her in action. But she could fall into the Damsel in Distress role cause... well, girl and lie I said, Superfriends is super campy. But I took what I could get int hose days!

Fortunately, Wondy has had much better media rep since... and in fact before with the Lynda Carter series. I hadn’t seent hat when I was a kid and while it’s cheesy, Wondy was still a badass there who easily held her own. Her Justice League DCAU self was when I really fell in love with her. Kind, beautiful, righteous, and an utter powerhouse. Seriously, I think she kicked more ass than anyone in both the original and Unlimited series. She has two animated DC films, which are both pretty dang good. Bloody, but good!

But of course, we have the Gal Gadot film. This was the film that arguably has saved the DC Cinematic Universe, and for good reason. While I’m not a big fan of Wondy being a demigod, she still showed why he’s so good. She’s a true hero wanting to do good, and in a setting like World War One, that is hard to find. She’s caring, devoted, strong, and is just a shining example of a true hero. She inspires hope in a cinematic universe that thrived off of grittiness, and Thank God we have her. I can only hope that the sequel holds the same quality, but nothing will take this away.

Wonder Woman is awesome. They screw her up sometimes, both ina nd out of comics. But there is no doubt that she earned her spot as a beloved feminist icon, as well as her spot here on this list.

#5. Kim Possible

You do not know how obsessed with this show I used to be. It is probably my all-time favorite Disney animated series of all time. Why? Because of it’s clever writing, fun humor, great action, and of course it’s characters. Kim especially.

She is the girl who can do anything, and she lives up to that claim. She’s a cheerleader by day, crime fighter by night, and she handles those worlds flawlessly... for the most part. She’s tough, smart, and a badass who uses her cheerleading skills to aid in her crime-fighting. She faces mad scientists, monsters, and everything in between and she ALWAYS comes out on top.

She’s now flawless, mind you. She’s bossy, smug, and can over-react when she faces things that she can’t do such as cooking or.. really anything normal/standard teen problems. She’s especially bad at maintaining dates. But whenever she faces a problem, she finds a way tog et through it whether it be with help from Ron, or finding her own way in solving it. She doesn't cry or mope about things like... well, the live-action film has her do. No, she gets up and finds solutions while still saving the day in the process. That is what makes her great, she’s a character before she’s a girl. Hence why she is a great female protagonist

Kim is someone I strived to be like when I got that age... with varying success. But hey, it just proves that Kim Possible can indeed do anything. Call her, beep her if you wanna reach her, and she’ll be there. just like how she’s here for this spot.

4. Ruby Rose (RWBY)

MY DAUGHTER!

When I first got into RWBY, I wasn’t sure what to expect. But the first character I fell in love with? Little Red here! I adore this girl to pieces. She gets a lot of flack form some for being ‘flat’ and ‘underdeveloped’ and I don’t have time to go into every reason why that’s not true. You can read this for some examples of why shes awesome. But let me summarize the gist of it as best as I can.

Ruby is a teenaged girl striving to be a Huntress like her mother, wanting to do good in the world like the heroes in her storybooks. Over time, as he overcomes her own flaws and the burdens of leadership, she learns how colossal of a task doing good truly is in a world that is harsh and cruel. She loses friends, her school gets broken apart, and the world seems to become more and more divided. And she’s right int he middle of it. So what does she do?

She gets up and continues on.

She decides to fight because she wants to help. She wants to make the world a better place because that is what a Huntress is supposed to do. She puts aside her own feelings in hopes that she can help do something. Even as she is pulled more and more into the true realities of her world, she stands firm and continues on. And when everyone else seems broken and on the verge of quitting? She grabs the reigns and pushes everyone forward herself.

Ruby may be a somewhat standard protagonist, but her determination and quirkiness help her stand out. She’s goofy, naive, and a socially awkward klutz. But she’s still a good-hearted person who always tries and in a world full fo monsters that thrive on despair, this is a very admirable trait. She’s gone from a girl afraid of being viewed as special, to taking the lead int he war against Salem all because it is her duty as a Huntress to protect everyone. She inspires those around her and also inspires me. She’s what got me to stay with this show, and I have yet to regret it.

RWBY has MANY great female characters. Weiss, Blake, Yang, Maria, Nora, Penny, Winter, and many others. But Ruby was always going to be my first pick. What can I say? I adore this girl~

3. Blossom (The Powerpuff Girls)

The Powerpuff girls was, and remains, my favorite cartoon of all time It was funny, action-packed, great characters, and great animation. I adore all three of the girls. Bubbles is cute but certianly no pushover, and Buttercup can be a jerk but she kicks a LOT of ass. But the one who I always loved the most was the commander and leader of the group, Blossom.

Blossom is the most mature of the girls, being very intelligent for her age. She’s smart, confident, and a natural leader. She’s also rather bossy, full of herself, and can be obnoxious at times with her egg-headed nature. From what I can tell, she was the leat liked... which sucks for me. I loved Blossom because of how smart she was and because of how good of a leader she was. Sure she had the occasional slip, but she was usually fairly reasonable, strategic, and always tried to look after her sisters and break up their spats.

I still remember the episode that made me love her. It was Princess’ introductory episode. In it, Blossom tried her best to be as reasonable with her as she could, trying to give her the benefit of the doubt since she was new and probably didn’t know how to make friends. It especially makes since if you’ve seen the movie and know how much the girls themselves struggled. But once it became clear that Princess really was a despicable little brat and she pounded her sisters, Blossom was pissed but still calm unlike the other two. Due to this, she easily thrashed Princess, destroyed her power suit, and gave her the mother of all The Reason You Suck speeches, telling her what being a hero truly means and how she’s nothing but a spoiled brat. It remains of my favorite PPG moments ever and after how much Blossom tried to give her a chance, it was very deserved.

Sadly, Blossom hasn’t gotten the best rep in other incarnations. Her PPGZ self while fine... wasn’t Blossom. Like... at all. And the less said about the 2016 series the better. Still, I remember how much I looked up to the original Blossom and enjoyed seeing her kick butt every Friday. I even still have one of my old dolls that I cherish to this day. Allt he Powerpuffs are great, and I will love them forever.

2. Sailor Moon/Usagi Tsukino (Sailor Moon)

Speaking of childhood heroines!

Ah Sailor Moon, We’ve had a long history, you and I. The first show I ever kept up with. The first fandom I ever got into. The first anime I ever got into. nd of course, the first heroine I ever truly loved.

Usagi (well... Serena when I was a kid, as the 90′s) is someone I still hold close to my heart. She is a klutz, crybaby, and far from an ideal heroine. She can be rather immature and at times selfish, preferring to sleep or eat sweets than worry about her Sailor Senshi duties. But as he grows, we see that through it all, she is a pure, caring young girl. I think the manga/Crystal anime did a MUCH better job at portraying that side to her, though the 90′s anime presented her more heroic side as well. They just sometimes forgot that he was past being a crybaby...

Usagi loves everyone. Her lover Mamoru, her fellow Senshi, just everyone. She doesn’t like fighting, but she will if she has to. She goes from crying in the middle of fights to being able to face God-like entities with just a magic crystal. Despite not having wanted to be a Senshi to begin with, she accepts her destiny and tries to save everyone, even her enemies. It just shows how despite her flaws as a person, she is a true hero who can always be relied on.

Sailor Moon did a lot when it came out. it helped revolutionize the Magical Girl genre, helped give anime a standing in America, and showed how femininity is not a weakness. There’s many other great female characters (Ami, Rei, Makoto, Minako) and all are their own character. But Usagi has always been the one I loved most and so she claims the Number Two spot.

Honorable Mentions

Sakura Kinomoto (Cardcaptor Sakura) Katara (Avatar: The Last Airbender) Twilight Sparkle (MLP:FIM) Agent Carolina and Kaikaina Grif (Red vs Blue) Lois Lane (Superman: The Animated Series) Hawkgirl/Shayera Hal (Justice League/Unlimited) Gosalyn Mallard (Darkwing Duck) Webby Vanderquack (Ducktales 2017) Rapunzel (Tangled franchise) Anna (Frozen) Cinderella, Ariel, Jasmine, Pocahontas, Tiana, Moana (Disney Princess) Kida (Atlantis: The Lost Empire) Meg (Hercules) Esmerelda (The Hunchbakc of Notre Dame) Jane (Return to Neverland Princess Elena (Elena of Avalor) Hikaru Shidou, Umi Ryuuzaki, and Fuu Hohouji (Magic Knights Rayearth) Nami (One Piece) Misty (Pokemon) Winry Rockbell (FMA) Ran Mouri (Detective Conan) Kagome Higurashi and Sango (Inuyasha) Pretty much all the Pretty Cures Nancy Drew Katniss Everdeen (The Hunger Games) Ms. Frizzle (The Magic School Bus) Daphne Blake and Velma Dinkley (Scooby-Doo) Calico ‘Callie’ Briggs and Felina Feral (SWAT Kats)

And I’m sure there’s more, but we’re gonna be here all day if I keep going. So let's go ahead and get to Number One. Which tbh... this was a no-brainer.

1. Mulan

Yeah, this probably shocks no one. I’ve talked about Mulan like... a billion times by now. But there was no other option for me.

Mulan is my favorite movie of all time, and the title character is my favorite character of all time. She’s a young woman who wants to bring her family honor, but struggles to do so in the ways she’s expected. She goes to war in her father’s place to save his life, and she struggles even more. She’s someone who doubts and is ashamed of herself, but over time she decides that she’s done hating her refection and tries to prove her worth. She not only becomes a better soldier and earns the respect of everyone around her, but even after she’s unmasked, she goes on to save all of freakin’ China! The whole country, including the freakin’ Emperor, bows before her because of this. You do not get more respect than that.

I’ve only grown to love and relate more to this story as I’ve grown older. I’ve learned to not define myself by society expectations, but just as who I am. Mulan struggles with expectations, family, warn, and most of all her own insecurities. She wants to see something worthwhile when she looks into the mirror, but she always just feels shame. But by the end, she puts it aside and becomes the best version of herself. She returns home with more than enough to honor her family... and her father tosses it aside to hug her. He’s just grateful to have her home, the greatest girl and honor. She’s someone who we watch grow and her journey hold sup even today. Argubaly even moreso.

Mulan was a film that changed me. Shaped my beliefs and values into what they are now. Even today, I see it as a flawless movie, and Mulan a flawless heroine. he’s a perfect example of a female protagonist, or heck just a protagonist in general. I love her and because of how much she shaped my five-year-old self into who I am now, se is my favorite female character of all time.

And that’s that! Well that was fun! Thank you all for reading and to all thw women out there, whether you were born as one or made the choice to identify as such. Whether you love men, women, or whoever. Whether you care about love or not. I hope you all have a lovely day and stay true to who you are. Happy International Women’s Day everyone~!

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