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trippy-lotus · 2 years

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By being kind, gentle, patient and compassionate with yourself and your perceived weaknesses/limitations/shortcomings, you are teaching and imparting to your inner child the virtue of mercy.

Mercy includes forbearing to exploit someone’s vulnerability. This applies to how you treat your already wounded, scared inner child.

We can give to ourselves now what we were never given as children: unconditional love and acceptance.

Love is what does the healing.

#inner child healing #reparenting #remothering #refathering #self love

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blackherstorian7 · 2 years

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Dear Black Women, Are You Okay?

I have to ask this question to my sistahs, because the past few days I have experienced countless different emotions over my struggles of being a BLACK WOMAN. Before I lay out the details of this struggle I want to disclose that as a black woman I can only speak for myself and from my OBSERVATION na EXPERIENCE on the many attempts to silence us. This is for all of the “problem seekers” out there…

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boaezui3rh2m · 1 year

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bqvzk0nu5jbfq · 1 year

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mandalamarigold · 10 months

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Today I learned that my mother’s biological father passed away some months ago. This man walked out of my mother’s life when she was four years old, leaving her and her younger siblings, my pregnant grandmother, behind. Never to look back. His obituary named 3 children, but none of those names mentioned belonged to my mother or her brothers. This man remarried and refathered, never looking back. Learning this, my mom seemed completely unaffected, and at the time neither was I. This man has only and always exhausted in the abstract. But now, I can’t sleep, and I’m thinking of my own strained relationship with my father and my grandfather (the man who raised my mom and her brothers and never, ever looked back). I’m thinking about the man I lost, who was such an amazing father. And my son, who was to grow up without him.

Today was Father’s Day.

#fuck this day #hoping this little winge puts these thoughts to rest and my mind to bed

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sumaiyasaliken · 1 year

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Organization By: @reklabibagency Fashion direction and styling : @rain_fahim_ Photography : Hm Ashraful Refath Editing: Sajidul Islam Tasin MUA : Avro Neel Rajbongshi Featuring : Sumaiya Saliken https://www.instagram.com/p/ClltVqgvPcg/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

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trippy-lotus · 2 years

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The more you try to escape your internal anguish instead of giving your inner child loving care,

The louder your inner child will get.

The more you project your internal anguish outward instead of looking inward,

The more powerless you will feel.

The more you look outward for direction and validation,

The more lost and invisible you will feel.

The more you look inward and validate your inner child’s feelings and experiences,

The more seen, heard and real you will feel.

Nothing external will ever satisfy if we are running from pain inside ourselves.

All human relationships are mirrors.

All of life is a mirror.

There is no way to escape your inner world, it must be faced patiently and lovingly.

The more you give your inner child loving care and attention,

The more safe and secure you will feel.

The more you look inward with compassion and curiosity,

The more powerful, integrated and whole you will feel.

#inner child healing #reparenting #self love #refathering #remothering #self care #emotional maturity #emotional intelligence #self compassion #growth

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plutoswrath · 3 years

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Astro Notes

- Saturn in contact with Moon people (especially harsh aspects) need to learn how to ‘remother’ and ‘refather’ themselves. Their inner child is wounded and mostly feels neglected and this is something that causes them a lot of conflict and frustration until they learn how to serve their own inner needs and to nourish the self. They always seem to please others and just want to be accepted by their mother figure and later on by most people in their life (but it all roots in the childhood).

- afflicted 2nd or 8th house or Taurus or Scorpio can stand for self worth issues, struggling with accepting and loving the self for what it is: physically and spiritually.

- Venus and Saturn touching harshly in synastry can indicate the same struggles the Venus person had when they tried to love their parents/an authorative figure, but failed. It can repeat the patterns in childhood that spoke of tough/hard love from the parents/an authorative figure or the failed ways in which you tried to adapt to their love language. This can indicate a seemingly impossible pleasing of the partner and feeling like being raised all over again.

- water signs/water heavy people can feel easily exhausted because of the way that not only their body and mind respond to their environment but their emotional being as well: it’s dominantly and almost constantly involved in processing others and the world and emotions are their language, it’s the tool they naturally use and so it can take a great toll on their well being sometimes. If there aren’t signifcant supporting placements/aspects in the chart and their environment is rather negative this can be especially heavy and push them towards ways of handling the self and the world better from very early on in life. In general though, I believe that’s one of the reasons why they are usually some sort of ‘counselor friend’. They usually go thoroughly through emotional experiences from early on and have to start reflecting on their own and others emotional being and thus can always in some way or another ‘relate’ and give some sort of advice or soothing words. I believe this is one way how the ‘gift of emotions and sensitivity’ develops in water signs.

- Virgo is a sign that is very into self growth, always striving to define the self, making things easier, more efficient, wanting to not only look good in other eyes, but especially look good in their own eyes. People with significant Virgo influence in their chart always think about the next step to improve the self and how to become ‘a better person’, they can not stagnate when it comes to this.

- Moon and Mars in the 2nd can be indicators of a ‘shopaholic’: it relates to impulsive spending, finding comfort in material goods. But these individuals can just as quickly become very stingy and possessive of their money afterwards, as they fear financial instability a lot usually.

- adding on to that: these placements as well as Saturn in Taurus/2nd can also make someone very good at saving money, as they can fear spending too and cut certain things short. But there is also the potential to become clever in investements

- also: Moon (!) and Mars in 2nd: emotional eaters

- Capricorn Venus could make you into the conventional beauty standards of the society you live in. Capricorn placements are 100 % able to think out of the box (!) but Capricorn’s are also the sign that is representative of society and works for society (providing for and strengthen it) and their thinking always is connected to the bigger picture and greater good, in a realistic (to pessimistic) way, though. They are the types to just ‘accept it as it is’ and build their way around it. So they can easily fall back in widely accepted, publicly desired and conventional patterns as well as opinions.

- Gemini placements are very expressive, especially on social media (!), also with their appereance. They not only like but need to give their thoughts and feelings a voice, as well as communicate their essence of self via media because it gives them a bigger reach and sharing opinions and having conversations that help them expand their views are very attractive to them. They mostly have a very defined asthetic or image they like to keep up on social media, too. Usually not the type to be ‘a silent user’ of the internet.

- any strong combination of earth and fire in ones birth chart (fire/earth in personal placements, especially when stelliums are involved) makes for someone with very strong believes. They usually take great interest explaining the world around them and telling it as it is (however they define that). This doesn’t indicate an unempathetic person though, because they are usually very much into self growth, always looking for another way to improve the self! Regardless, they are very set in their believes, especially on how things are just done ‘right’ and often times need to get ones way in little, mundane things, e.g. in the household (the way the windows get cleaned, how to correctly fold clothes, etc.)

- adding on: this one is rather a personal observation, but this is especially noticable in Sagittarius suns with lots of earth in their chart

#own #personal #astro notes #astrology #zodiac #aries #taurus #cancer #gemini #leo #astrology observations #virgo #libra #sagittarius #scorpio #aquarius #pisces #capricorn

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giftedsupport · 5 years

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Re-parenting yourself

Lots of gifted kids have childhood wounds from bullies, teachers, and adults who harmed their self-esteem. Lots of us also had parents and teachers who didn’t fully understand how to nurture the gifted children in their care. Furthermore, studies have shown that gifted children suffer more from childhood emotional abuse and neglect--but are also capable of healing more quickly and fully when given the tools to do it. You can re-parent yourself and heal the wounds of your childhood! If you’ve seen me talking about reparenting and fixing the mistakes of our own parents on previous posts, this one explains how to actually do that reparenting. What follows are passages from The Tao of Fully Feeling by Pete Walker, an excellent source on recovering from childhood abuse. Under a cut because long post is long.

Self-compassionate reparenting is a term I have coined to describe my approach to remothering and refathering the inner child. When we practice self-compassionate reparenting, we identify and provide for the unmet needs of our childhood so that we can grow into more complete, life-loving human beings.

...Many survivors are uncomfortable with the concept of the inner child because they were forced at an early age to become miniature adults and to hate their childlike characteristics... Survivors who do not like their inner children, or children in general for that matter, are often those who were not liked as children.

Many of us were so traumatized for being and acting childlike that we had to move from toddlerhood to adulthood in astoundingly brief periods of time. Various combinations of shame, punishment, and abandonment forced us to forfeit childhood and to act like grown-ups even before we were ready for school.

...When a child is not allowed to be a child, she abandons her child-self and banishes it to her unconscious and tries to behave like an adult. Many of us find it difficult to get an authentic sense of our inner child because that part of ourselves is still hiding somewhere out of awareness... The child-self often stays sequestered in the unconscious because the adult survivor, like his [abusers], reviles it whenever it emerges into awareness seeking help or attention. ...Self-compassionate reparenting begins with the decision to love our inner children and protect them from self-abuse.

...We will focus here primarily on the emotional tasks of the reparenter. These constellate around two crucial goals: the recovery and ongoing development of our inborn sense of self-acceptance, and the reestablishment and strengthening of our instinctive sense of self-protection. ...[These are] the two key processes of emotional caretaking: unconditional love and unrelenting self-protection (which has its roots in the emotion of anger).

...

Reparenting begins with forgiving the inner child. It sometimes seems outlandish to me that we need to forgive the children in us who were so innocent and undeserving of blame. What a cruel irony that we need to forgive the blameless, yet we must let our inner children know that we forgive them because, like our [abusers], we have been blaming since time immemorial. ...Forgiving our inner children is a powerful avenue into self-forgiveness. In the words of self-esteem guru Nathaniel Branden:

When we learn to forgive the child we once were, for what he or she didn’t know, or couldn’t do, or couldn’t cope with, or felt or didn’t feel; when we understand and accept that child was struggling to survive the best way he or she could--then the adult self is no longer in adversarial relationship to the child-self. One part is not at war with another.

Our inner child’s heart, broken by a dearth of compassionate [acceptance], begins to heal when we turn inward with unconditional love and forgiveness. We add substance to this [loving self-parenting] by offering the child ongoing tenderness, listening, affection, and unconditional love. Consistency in such practice is what allows our inner child to feel truly forgiven.

We also enhance forgiveness by championing our inner child in a parental way. We do this by using anger and blame to fight off internal or external aggression. Such actions prove to the child that she is not only forgiven, but also no longer subject to unfair blame.

The efficacy of our reparenting is further enhanced by providing our inner children [with] verbal, spiritual, and emotional nurturance... When we give our inner children love, understanding, and protection consistently over time, they begin to shed their horrible burdens of fear, shame, and emptiness.

As we become more successful in resisting the shaming and terrorizing attacks of our internalized critical parents, our inner children begin to feel safe enough to come forth in all their vital wonder and beauty. Normal qualities of human existence that like joy, peacefulness, friendliness, spontaneity, and playfulness naturally begin to reemerge as we master the practice of reparenting.

Talking to and for the inner child

We heal ourselves with self-protection when we use our anger and blame to challenge inner messages of shame and self-hate. Speaking up in a protective way for the inner child makes it safe enough for her to once again inhabit consciousness. ...If I [realize that I] have numbly repeated the lies and shamings of old authority figures, I apologize to [my inner child] and recommit to eliminating this old self-destructive habit.

I usually supplement my self-protection with the kind of love that feeds self-esteem with positive and supportive statements. I imagine my inner child sitting on my lap or resting in my heart. I remind him that he is absolutely and eminently lovable just as he is. And then I soothe him with words of this nature:

I love to have you near me. You are such a joy to me. I love it when you talk to me and tell me how it is for you. I want to hear everything you have to say. I want to be the one person you can always come to whenever you need help. You can come to me when you are hurting, when you just want company, or when you want to play. You are always welcome. You are a delight to my eyes, and I always enjoy having you around. You are a good child, very special and absolutely worthy of love, respect, and all good things. I am so proud of you and so glad that you are alive. I will help you in any way that I can. I want to be the loving mom and dad you were so unfairly deprived of, and that you so much deserve. And I want you to know that I have an especially loving place in my heart for you when you are scared or sad or mad or ashamed. You can always come to me and tell me about such feelings, and I will be with you and try to soothe you until those feelings run their natural course. I want to become your best friend and I will always try to protect you from unfairness and humiliation. I will also seek friends for you who genuinely like you and who are truly on your side. We will only befriend people who are fair, who treat us with equality and respect, and who listen to us as much as we listen to them. I want to help you learn that it really is good to have needs and desires. It’s wonderful that you have feelings. It’s healthy to be mad and sad and scared and depressed at times. It’s natural to make mistakes. And it’s okay to feel good too, and even to have more fun than mom and dad did.

...I reassure him that I will never allow anyone to abuse [or bully] him again. No one will be allowed to slap him with a hand or with words. I remind him that I have a healthy anger now that can be summoned up to ward off, or “write off”, abusers.

When we consistently give our inner children this kind of support, we suffer less and less paralysis from toxic shame. We become skilled at transforming the inverted anger of self-hatred into a defense against [our internalized bullies]. [Our abusers’] rulership of our psyches gradually dissipates, and we are able to treat normal mistakes as learning experiences rather than as proof of our defectiveness. The demon of perfectionism loses its grip on our psyches, and we begin to cherish our differences and imperfections as the unique treasures of character and being they are.

I have been so healed through this process that I now value many things about myself that were formerly perpetual sources of shame... What I used to disparage as “my moodiness” now strikes me as emotional richness and flexibility. My need for considerable introversion, which used to be my all-time greatest defect, has now become the much appreciated matrix of my rich inner life. My “streak shooting” in basketball no longer sends me down the drain of toxic shame, although I will probably always prefer the hot streaks to the cold ones. Moreover, I can now savor my few remaining addictions: nonstop gum-chewing, long telephone conversations, daily grilled cheese sandwiches, writing with ink in books, and crying at sentimental movies.

I can also graciously accept the moans that I occasionally evoke in others via my habit of telling bad jokes. Even my feelings of inferiority about my appearance have almost totally vanished. I now really like the imperfections that for many years made me feel so ugly that I wouldn’t dare approach the opposite sex. ...And perhaps best of all, I now frequently hear a voice that automatically says “I love you” instead of “nice going, klutz” whenever I accidentally drop or bump into something.

I have also noticed that since my inner critic lost its job as boss of my consciousness, I am far less critical and perfectionstically expectant of others. I believe this has made me safer and more comfortable to be around. Others seem to be able to be more authentic and vulnerable with me... [and] allows me to make new friends on an ongoing basis.

As new friends come into my life, my sense of belonging increases and now begins to feel like something comfortingly tribal. I feel as though the enormous loneliness of my loveless youth is largely dissipated. And it continually decreases as my social network expands though meeting good people from all walks of life.

...One of my greatest delights in being a therapist is witnessing my clients making similar gains in their lives through reparenting. Many develop trustworthy relationships for the first time in their lives. Many awake from years of stagnation to become wholeheartedly excited about new endeavors or old reclaimed enthusiasms. How wonderful it is when a client comes in proudly reporting that over the weekend she flew a kite, made a friend, climbed a tree, took a dance class, started a garden, went roller-skating, frolicked on the water slides, enrolled in an arts and crafts class, or identified fifteen different wild flowers on a camping trip!

If you would like me to post more on re-parenting through self-compassion and self-protection, please let me in the notes or in an ask!

#reparenting #re-parenting #parenting #parenting a gifted child #self-esteem

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refathkanta-blog · 5 years

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refath0307 · 2 years

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