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elriell · 3 years

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Some jumbled up thoughts about Elain, Lucien and Azriel + Mating Bonds

There have been a lot of conversations regarding this topic and I thought I’d flesh it out a bit myself, but these are facts/observations that as a fandom many have noticed, discussed, analysed. I just wanted to dive in myself fully.

I want to talk about each of them individually as well as, as a whole. Their emotions and mindsets, as someone who loves all three characters and wishes for all of them to get a happy ending. I will preface this with saying I will be discussing why it is very likely Elain will reject the bond and such things, so along the lines of Anti-Elucien. If you are a fan of them, thats cool, just skip this one if you happen upon it.

We are going to dive in to the following;

Lucien & Elain (their choices)

Lucien & Azriel (contrast)

Rejecting the Bond

New Bonds

Fate & THE POV

and why the writing is basically telling us everything we need to know...

Lucien

Lucien is noble male, he has a good heart and has suffered his plenty, and this is why people want what is best for him, to be the happiest he can... Unfortunately I think that in this case Elain is not it.

He is right to feel that way, just as Elain has a right to feel as she does. I think it is incredibly interesting that when we finally see from his POV we see that in a way he feels as though this has been thrust on them.

That with his last love he had a choice and so did she.

It reminds me very much of this line about Rhysand’s parents, who were an example of an unhappy mating bond.

We will deep dive in to wrong matches further down, but the fact is that mated couples are not always indicators of true paired souls, that they very well could be the couple that do not end up happy together.

I speak on Elain and her agency a lot because I feel like a large portion of the fandom like to discard it as if it means nothing, and even judge her for it but if we actually take a look at Lucien’s behaviour he is not all that more happy.

There are some key differences between them though, Lucien as a male feels their bond to a different degree than she does, and he also has been raised to believe and respect the bond. And thus he feels a certain obligation to honour it in the best way he can.

This doesn’t mean he thinks she is right for him, any further than his attraction to her (which like same dude same), he hasn’t displayed any signs that they actually aline as a couple. And I feel like SJM clearly highlights this when she sets examples of his gifts not being... well right for her.

The gloves we know she never wears show us how little they know each other as she loves to get dirty [which Feyre had told him] and the pearl necklace is then contrasted by Azriels which was very personalised to Elain.

(The rose, the secret beauty of it hitting the light etc...)

These are all deliberate moves by Sarah to showcase their misaligned bond.

And during Elain’s section I will also be pointing out some Lucien moments that really don’t read well for him. I genuinely believe he is much happier amongst the Band of Exhiles than he is when he is seen with The Inner Circus.

Elain

Here is the thing, this situation isn’t any easier on him that’s true but people need to respect Elains feelings, and the fact is she does not like him. Not only does she not like him but she shrinks in on herself, she looses all the progress and confidence she has made since the Cauldron. That is not a good sign of anything healthy.

If this is suppose to be a romance we root for why is she doing everything in her power to make it seem the opposite? If she genuinely was playing the long game she would have at least started to make them comfortable around each other, goodness they don’t even have to talk, but she does the opposite.

She emphasises that he brings out the bad in her. Again, no bueno. She quite simply does not want to be around him and with SJM’s writing I think this is highly deliberate on her part.

[And let’s be clear there are countless quotes from the other books that do NOT reflect well on their relationship but I am trying to stick to ACOSF, as it is her most recent work, otherwise I would be here all day.]

Rejecting the Bond

We have almost a two page discussion on why mating bonds are not an exact science, and that they can be more harmful than good. We are given two examples of it, with both Rhys’ and Tamlin’s parents. And then we get a very subtle hit at Azriel. This is all in the book Sarah said she began planting the seeds for the sisters journeys.

We also know from this there is a choice. But that many force it, because they feel it it right, (much like Lucien is probably doing right now, because he feels a duty and hope that it will work out.)

Then we have the fact thrown at us that a lot of males believe that their mate belongs to them and will challenge the other male, which we now have a call back to with Rhys’ mentioning “The Blood Duel”.

There is literally not one reason Sarah would put this in TWICE only for it never to happen or come close too happening. How anyone can question at this point that Elriel will happen is confusing to me, she has laid all the groundwork for it.

Now I don’t believe for a second that Lucien wouldn’t respect her choice, I think it will most certainly come down to Beron forcing his hand to wage the war we know he wants.

I think despite what Rhys said in Azriel’s POV under immense stress, TNC will protect Elain and ultimately stand by her decision.

Not only does ACOSF spend a great deal of time creating a further divide between Elain & Lucien it also add a shockingly large quantity of easter eggs about “Elain choosing bonds” “Other Mate” “What if it chose wrong?” and again in this book like in ACOMAF we bring back up a failed mated pair to remind you of it’s existence.

All possible signs lean towards them breaking the bond.

And frankly from a storytelling perspective having three perfect bonds that are basically the same overarching love story (enemies to lovers) is boring, she would want to shake it up and throw a little curveball.

Lucien + Azriel & Why I think Azriel will have a bond with Elain.

“If anyone can sense if something is amiss, it’s a mate” And low and behold it is Azriel who figures out what was going on with her. Not to mention in the reveal SJM further displays that Lucien has no clue what was going on with her.

I don’t know what bridge holds their bond but I wouldn’t trust crossing it personally... :/

Further still, Lucien cannot hear her heart. Their bond is definitely not strong but you could also argue that is not an element of the bond at all but rather of her abilities perhaps. Since we know she could hear the sea too though it was nowhere close by.

But Azriel did hear her, he did pay attention and he figured out what was amiss.

It is interesting to me that people took such issue with this when I believe very few have issues with Rhys or Cassian fighting for their respective partners. Now I have gone in to it in depth about how I think that this was pure emotion and illogical on Azriel’s part, and I don’t believe he would kill Lucien so carelessly.

I think it speaks to the same blind emotion a lot of them have displayed for their mates, Lucien may have wanted to see if she was worth it but Azriel knows she is worth the fight.

And for all intensive purposes in that moment he was willing to fight for someone he believes shares his feelings.

Now let’s tackle the whole “Possessive” crap.

First of all, all of the male pairings in this series have shown moments like this, so if it is bothering you here why isn’t it bothering you at other points?

Lucien has been just as instinctively possessive from their bond, and let me clarify, I am not shaming him for that anymore than anyone else. What I am pointing out is the double standard, if anything Azriel has more reason to feel like he can fight for her because she has actually shown him care, interest and attraction.

They have actually bonded a lot more than she has with Lucien thus far.

And if they truly do have an upcoming bond then judging him on three paragraphs when we don’t know what the heck is going on is just ridiculous.

On the same note of that scene, let’s talk about “deserve”

First of all he never said he deserved her, Rhys implied that is what he was gleaning from the conversation and that it is just lust, which we know is not the case. Clearly Rhys perception is not accurate at all so to take his statement at face value and call it fact is a bit disingenuous.

Azriel wasn’t claiming he deserves her, did you read his POV at all?? He didn’t even feel like his hands should touch her let alone deserve her. Please go back and read that chapter again if you can’t see that.

Not to mention I think that the idea of FATE, and believing in hope even when the odds are stacked against you (AKA her having a mate) is actually very consistent with SJM storytelling and Az. Remember this;

The fact that he is hopeful despite the despair of his situation is exactly what people have valued about him. Not to mention after Rhys says this to Azriel he says to them;

So Rhys too believes they were brought in his family for a reason, some sort of fate.

Amren too thinks they are blessed by fate. Why is it so shocking and offensive that Azriel have a little hope that there is a reason they came in to their lives? Because he isn’t with your fav?

Let’s be honest he didn’t exactly get over Mor in ACOMAF, ACOWAR and then even ACOFAS there are slight moments, thats over a long period. Three sisters didn’t just arrive and he went TAG “I want one.”

No, he genuinely grew to care for Elain, and let go of his past, and in watching Elain not find any connection with her mate he saw it as a sign that the Cauldron was wrong, which we know it can be.

I don’t know if people are selective readers but if you think that he doesn’t care for her as a person beyond being a “sister” I don’t know what to tell you, we are not reading the same books.

ANYWAYS back on topic.

I think Sarah has laid a lot of groundwork for her breaking the bond and perhaps choosing a new one. I know not everyone is keen on another bond as they feel her free will and choice is enough, that’s fair and I agree to a point.

I just wanted to analyse the data at hand, and I do believe after ACOSF (I never thought it prior really) that they are mates in some capacity, whether that is because of the Cauldron or something that will occur... I think she has laid enough groundwork for them being Soulmates at the least. Hence why I love the idea of a Carranam bond.

There are so many parallels between Rhys, Cassian & Az that could be taken as little signs but honestly this is long enough I am sure you all want to kill me already for making you read all that hahaha

One last little morsel, it very well might be nothing but Az shouting after they take Elain is an interesting choice, it’s ambiguous enough that you can take it to mean the pain but it could also be another little crumb.

Basically with all said and done I think she will give Elain her agency back and break it.

And potentially something will occur with Azriel as a result but thats certainly more grey than the rest of it.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk!

Obviously, to each their own opinion, have fun and ship whatever you want these are just my thoughts on the text at hand!

(Also I am sorry I got like 20+ messages to get to in my inbox, yeah I kinda ignored everyone and worked on this today, sorry!!! I’ll be back tomorrow)

#elriel #elriel mates #elain archeron #azriel #acosf spoilers #acosf #acotar #azriel x elain #elriel meta #myelriel #anti elucien #anti-elucien

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thechangeling · 3 years

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But you like her better: Part 1

This fic features Kit's potential new girlfriend hinted at in a letter from Tessa to Magnus in CC's newsletter. A bunch of people in the fandom built her from the ground up @littlx-songbxrd @foxglove-airmid @the-wckd-powers @adoravel-fenomeno and @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood to name a few, and gave her a personality, name and backround. Their name is Marí.

Kit uses he/they pronouns in this fic and Marí uses she/they.

Cw: Disassociation (or at least how I experience it idk it might not be the same for everyone), negative self talk, self injurious stims, and bad coping mechanisms.

Title is from Heather by Conan Gray.

Marìa. Marí as she preferred to be called, was a bubbly kind soul with a wide inviting smile and a melodic voice.

Even Ty could admit that they were quite beautiful, despite not seeing women (or in Marí's case anyone who was particularly alienated with womanhood,) in a romantic or sexual light. It took him awhile to realize he was gay, but when he did it just seemed so obvious. He had gone through a minor phase of experimentation at the scholomance when he was younger but it hadn't lasted long.

Still Marí was stunning. And perhaps what made her even more stunning was her kindness and generosity. Ty had met her on the beach in LA while she and her parents were visiting the LA institute for a downworlder/shadowhunter summit being held by Helen, Aline, Mark and Cristina, similar to the one Julian held in 2012.

Ty noticed that Tessa and Jem were present, but Kit was not. He was not exactly sure how that should make him feel. So Ty elected to push the pain in his chest further down. To shove all if his unresolved feelings and worries and questions about Kit Herondale back into the metaphorical box and move on.

So he had gone outside to walk on the beach to distract himself when he found Marí sitting on the sand and crying.

Apparently according to them, they had come across a few dead moon jellyfish, or Aurelia aurita as was more scientifically accurate, that had washed up on the beach.

Ty remembered being moved by how she had such compassion for another living creature who wasn't even a person. It was rare. Ty had helped her bury them. She seemed wary and a little hostile around him at first, noticing his runes. She was clutching her body tightly. Ty noticed her anxiety and told her how he was also a lover of aquatic life and he found marine biology fascinating. This had prompted her to instantly change demeanor and become very excited and start jumping up and down and waving her hands before she told him that she was studying marine biology at university in Devon.

The mention of Devon should gave promoted Ty to wonder if Marí knew Kit but he was still putting up mental blocks to protect himself from the Kit situation so it hadn't crossed Ty's mind.

They had sat on the beach and talked for hours. Marí told him their name and that they used she/they pronouns. They also told Ty that they were from Devon, but their family was from Loiza, a city on the Northeastern coast of Puerto Rico. And also that they were all werewolves who pretty much hated shadowhunters but he seemed ok because he liked jellyfish. They mentioned that marine biology was one of their special interests and that they were autistic and had ADHD.

It would have been the perfect opportunity to tell Marí about him also being autistic but Ty being guarded and asocial, decided not to and told her as little as possible. He supposed he had some trust issues after everything. He mentioned his name, that he was attending the scholomance, and a few basic facts about his family. He also talked about his friend Alyssa Reyes.

Alyssa or Ali as he called her, was a werewolf with Maia's pack in New York. She was assigned as a liaison to the scholomance to act as a bridge between the werewolves and future centurions. And BOY had she complained about it. Alyssa was basically the president of the fuck shadowhunters club and she was autistic and had ADHD. She and Marí would have gotten along quite well.

Marí overall did most of the talking but she didn't seem to mind. On the contrary.

Ty had no idea that by that point they were already dating Kit.

When Kit returned with apologetic smiles and a new found charisma and confidence, he also brought her. And she was so happy to see Ty again that he felt so guilty for feeling torn up inside.

Ty couldn't hate Marí. Not even if he tried. They hadn't done anything wrong and neither had Kit. So Ty would just have to settle for hating himself for being angry over nothing.

Kit and Ty weren't really talking. Sure they had exchanged some words together when basically forced to, but Kit was being standoffish and Ty was still feeling a little annoyed. But mostly hurt. Ty had heard that Kit was using he/they pronouns and now identified as genderfluid. He had so many questions for Kit but Ty knew he couldn't ask. At least not right now.

Currently Ty was watching Kit and Marí talking. Kit was in the middle of telling her what looked to be a funny story based on the way she was laughing. Kit pushed a lock of dark curly hair back behind her ear and smiled.

Ty felt queasy. He bit his lip and averted his gaze trying to shake off the horrible feeling. Everytime he saw them together his chest felt like it was being squeezed by a juicer. Like he was being crushed and torn up on the inside and it was his fault. Just like it was his fault that Kit left. Or maybe that wasn't true. Maybe it was just inevitable but that didn't make it any easier.

Ty didn't have the right to be jealous or upset. He had no claim over Kit. He was being ridiculous he told himself as he attempted to shove all of these dark feelings into the box.

But this time it wasn't working.

"Alright you look like you're about to snap crackle and pop," Ty heard a voice say beside him. "What gives Sherlock?"

Ty looked up to see Alyssa Reyes standing next to him. When they had all congregated together in the LA institute and Kit had brought Marí and his friend Janessa back with them. Ty had decided to bring his lucky charm and close friend with him.

When Alyssa first came to the scholomance things were quite rough. But they had connected, first on the basis of being autistic and then through other things. Ali also had a love of mysteries and the two of them together were quite the team. The two of them had become incredibly close. Anush called her Irene because she was the only one who could outsmart Ty.

Speaking of Anush..

He was currently still back at the scholomance. They had both decided it was best for him to stay behind so they could spend some time apart. They had recently broken up after Ty finally realized he wasn't in a good place emotionally to date anyone. Ty had been forced to put Livvy's spirit to rest permanently when it started to have an affect on the mortal world negativity. It had been Livvy herself who had begged Ty to save the world at her expense.

That had been about a month ago and Ty was still relatively numb. He had a feeling it would begin to hurt eventually. Just not yet.

"Hey did you hear me?" Alyssa raised her voice. "What's wrong?" Ty refocused on his friend.

She was wearing her costume for the Halloween party they were all attending tonight. Kit, Ty, Dru, Alyssa, Marí, Jaime, Janessa and Thaís. It was Dru herself who had suggested they need a break from essentially preparing themselves for what was probably going to be another war. So they were headed to a vampire hosted party at a club in downtown LA. Alyssa had been sure to grab earplugs for Ty and herself which he was grateful for.

Alyssa was dressed as Aeryn Sun from Farscape, one of the many autistic coded characters from scifi that she was obsessed with. She was wearing a long black leather trench coat with black leather pants and a black tank top. Her dark brown hair was pulled back onto a long braid traveling down to her lower back. She even had leather boots and a fake blaster gun holstered at her thigh to complete the look.

And Ty of course, was dressed as Sherlock.

Ty shook his head at her. "Nothing Ali I'm fine."

Alyssa glowered at him. "Bullshit you're fine. I thought we agreed never to lie to each other?"

Ty sighed, gazing back at Kit and Marí, still smiling at each other. Alyssa followed his gaze.

"Oh you're jealous aren't you!" She declared matter of factly. Ty instantly shushed her.

"Oh relax they can't hear us, she muttered. We're too far away." She twirled her long braid and stimmed with the ends of it. "You know if you plan on taking your anger out on that lovely girl, a member of our COMMUNITY no less, who has done absolutely nothing wrong, then I'm like legally required to throw hands," she said with a smile.

Ty didn't smile back. "I wouldn't," he murmered, looking down. He had been flicking his fingers lazily at his sides, but now Ty found that wasn't good enough. He dug his fingernails into his right palm.

Alyssa looked concerned. "Hey I was just kidding," she said softly. She took his hand that had been creating little half-moon red divots on his skin and carefully threaded his fingers through her own.

Ali squeezed Ty's hand. "You know I'm on your side no matter what." He squeezed back.

Ty looked at the couple again. Emotions swirled all around his heart like little ribbons grazing against the sides. It wasn't just jealousy neccessary and Ty was a little shocked to find that he wasn't angry anymore. He was just...what?

Sad?

Sad didn't even begin to feel like it covered it. He felt so lost. And alone. And.... He felt himself starting to drift away, separating from himself. Ty could hear the fuzzy far away echo of someone trying to speak to him, but he couldn't make out the words. They were getting further and further away.

Everything was blurry and out of focus.

"Ty!" He heard a voice shout. With a jolt he was snapped back into his body. He turned to face Alyssa who was staring at him, looking obviously alarmed.

But the worst part was that everyone else was staring at him too. Including Kit. They looked shocked, but also something else that Ty couldn't quite pinpoint. There was an air of desperation to their voice when they asked,

"Are you ok?"

Was Ty ok?

It was such a funny question coming from Kit who hadn't spoken more than two words to him this whole time.

Kit who had left.

Ty didn't know what else to do except laugh. He burst laughing hysterically, almost falling from his position of where he was leaning against the wall. He desperately tried to gasp for air as he cackled.

Everyone was staring at him looking horrified. Dru pulled out her phone as if she was contemplating calling someone, then decided against it. Tears were starting to roll down Ty's cheeks as he kept laughing.

Alyssa grabbed his arm. "Alright, come with me," she ordered, dragging him to the side. Ty managed to stop laughing as she guided him firmly into the training room.

Ty's eyes were still blurry with tears, so he wiped them away. Alyssa was smiling at him softly, looking sympathetic. "It's gonna be ok Ty,: she cooed, taking his hand again. Alyssa began to rub slow soothing circles onto his palm.

"Ok, you wanna tell me what's going on now?" She asked gently. Ty sniffed and used his other hand to wipe away the rest of his tears.

"I don't know what to say," he admitted. "I don't know how to describe or explain it.

Alyssa nodded. "Well, try. You can use quotes or song lyrics if you want." Ty smiled. He was grateful that Ali understood.

Ty chewed the inside of his cheek for a moment. "It feels like a tear in my heart. Like a part of me is missing and I just can't feel it," he quoted. Alyssa stared at him, pondering. She continued to stroke his hand.

"Do you think what you're missing is Kit?" She asked. "Do you miss him?"

Ty glared at Alyssa and snatched his hand back. "No," he said firmly. "I don't."

Ali rolled her eyes. "Jesus you're almost as bad at love as I am! It's like trying to open a rusted toolbox with a fork getting you to open up!" She snapped.

Ty bared his teeth under closed lips and glowered at her. "Well maybe I never asked for your help!"

"Well maybe you should calm down and recognize that I'm your friend and I'm worried about you!" She shouted back.

Guilt instantly washed over him, pricking his skin. Ty squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm sorry Ali," he whispered.

He wished he could cry. Now more than ever Ty wished he could make himself cry. Over Livvy, over Kit. Over the coming battle. Over everything.

"Do you love them?" He heard her ask. There was no need to ask who she meant.

Ty opened his eyes. This was the thing he never acknowledged. Never said outloud. Never even let himself think it. Because it was terrifying. The acknowledgement of the truth.

The truth was that Ty would probably give his life just to see that adorable smile one more time. That he could tell you how many freckles Kit had because he had spent so many hours staring at Kit and counting them.

The truth was that when Kit held him, he felt closer to anyone then he ever had in his entire life. Ty had sat outside of Kit's door for hours, days even when they had first arrived because he had felt something, even then. Something pulling at him from the other side of that door like a magnet. He told himself it was just curiosity. A scientific curiosity.

It was the only thing that could logically explain Ty's obsession. It wasn't serious. It wasn't-

"I love him," Ty admitted shakily, breaking the silence. Even Alyssa looked a little suprised.

"I'm in love with Kit."

Before Ali could respond, Ty sensed movement by the training room door which they had forgotten to close. Ty instantly whipped around to see who it was, wondering frantically if they had overheard what Ty had said.

Standing in the door frame wearing her Mortica Addams costume for the party, complete with a jet black long wig was Marí.

And the look on their face suggested to Ty that they had heard every word.

I will try and get part 2 up as soon as I can! It will be from Marí's perspective.

The song Ty quotes is Can you hold me by NF.

Tag list: @playwithravenclaw @lavender-scented-rat @jazzkaurtheglorious @waterlillies @nott-the-best @stxr-thxif @magnus-the-fabulous-entp-bane @foxglove-airmid @littlx-songbxrd @clarys-heosphoros @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @arangiajoan @queenlilith43 @adoravel-fenomeno

#tsc #tda #the dark artifices #kit x ty #ty blackthorn #twp #kit herondale #marí the werewolf #we need to give her a last name #marí tag

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dagss · 2 years

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What did you think of this year's Césars? PS: I've been watching your movie recs andI loved Adieu Les cons, Gazon maudit and Raw. Zone Blanche is also ridiculously great.

u mean the winners or the ceremony itself ahah? (both weren't that great idk, although the ceremony was hosted by antoine de caunes my meowmeow ksjksjksj)

last year i had seen most of the movies and it's so cool to watch award shows when you know about every movie, but this year i missed a lot of them and only watched the women directed ones so i was out of the loop for most wins, mostly for illusions perdues which won a bunch of categories but i still don't feel like watching it idk 😢 i had watched all the shorts but my favorite ones (des gens biens & le départ) didn't win, sobz. my fav animated short (le monde en soi) didn't win either but the actual winner (folie douce, folie dure) sounds dope, ngl. will watch it.

so happy that valerie lemercier got the best actress one tho, she's so funny she deserves it for her whole career,,, still gotta watch aline tho.

i'm also kind of disappointed la fracture didn't get many noms/wins because it was legit amazing and highlighted a huge systemic problem with french healthcare so idk if you'd relate as a foreigner but it's still a really powerful watch!! lots of anguish and despair, chef's kiss

on another note there's also a small polemic rn on filmtwt about the way the animated movie category got shortened and the winners' speeches were rushed by management, because the program was like 30 mins behind schedule. personally, that felt really wrong to me since animation already lacks room to exist in this ceremony and more generally it lacks recognition in french cinema. i just sat there trying to listen to the super important points the animators were trying to make while the crowd and host were ostentatiously annoyed at the speech being "too long"... it literally wasn't.

also disappointed for adam driver who came all the way here, sat through 3 hours of lame french jokes and didn't win anything 💀

there was a lot of positive things too tho, it was way less boring than other years, the sparks performed so may we start live (i sang my heard out ngl), omar sy was there and made people dance, xavier dolan read a tear-jerking homage letter to gaspard ulliel (dunno if you know who that is but he's an actor who recently died from an accident and it was so sudden and shocking coz he was only 37), cate blanchett's speech was admirable and she spoke french my love!! (even though she told people to shut the fuck up lmao that's going to be a meme on french twitter now)

the extra positive thing is that, despite getting many noms, bac nord didn't win anything, and that's great since neonazi scums reclaimed it almost immediately after it came out & the (white) director didn't want to clarify, nor admit his movie was political, nor acknowledge it had an obvious right-wing vibe about its depiction of poc and Paris' poor districts 🙄 i don't know if i'm gonna watch that one, regardless of the director's initial intentions, his reaction to justified criticism really bothers me, and so i'm glad it didn't win 'cause the nazis were like: >:(

anyway i think i'll add onoda, maalbeek, folie douce, folie dure, aline & le sommet des dieux to my watchlist. from the nominated movies i'd already seen, i'd recommend la fracture, the father (obvi) & annette (i hated most of the songs tho ksjksksksj). oh and also boîte noire was super cool and i love pierre niney!! (i might have said that already i think???)

i'm so glad you liked my previous recommendations, ah!!! was gazon maudit funny to you? i'm so scared the humor might get lost and the movie might feel weird to people from other cultures 😭 i'm especially glad you like zone blanche omg, even in francophone countries people don't talk often about it, smh.

#asks #amy passion films

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malecsecretsanta · 3 years

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Merry Christmas, incorrect-malec!

For @incorrect-malec. This is the first part to a larger fic which will be updated sometime after the reveal, as the plot ran away from me! I tried to incorporate as many of the proposed likes as I could to make this an interesting and fun gift! Happy holidays, dear giftee, I hope you sincerely enjoy your present ❤️

Minor content warning for some cursing and small mentions of blood.

*****

find me here (amidst the chaos)

“Mr. Lightwood-Bane? You have a special visitor.”

Alec glances up from the spread of ridiculous red tape sprawled across his desk. An antique grandfather clock nestled in the corner behind him ticks away the idle seconds.

“Ah.” Alec leans into the high-backed support of his office chair. “Mr. Lightwood-Bane, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?”

Magnus glides into the room, shutting the ornate door behind him with a heavy thud. “You forgot your lunch. I assumed it was all a simple ploy to trick me into bringing some for you.”

“A reasonable assumption.”

“I probably shouldn’t be indulging in such skulduggery,” Magnus skirts around the desk, his magic tidying the paperwork into neat piles off to the side. “Alas, it has been some long six hours since I last saw my husband, and I’m little other than a fool for love.”

Alec stands and sways into Magnus’ space. “It is known to be a great weakness of yours.”

“Love?” Magnus wraps his arms around Alec’s neck, soothing his fingers against the nape. “Hardly. Love is too often fleeting. You, however?” He brushes the ghost of a kiss against the corner of Alec’s mouth. “You have always been my greatest weakness.”

Alec kisses Magnus, because it says more than words ever could, because there are no words in any language that he knows which could be enough to express how he feels, how his core is alight and burning hot, how he can’t get close enough without knocking them both over, and even that wouldn’t soothe the ache.

“You didn’t even bring any food with you,” Alec points out, pressing a fleeting kiss to Magnus’ temple, lest he kiss any lower and come away with a shimmer upon his lips. His hands are broad and firm against Magnus’ hips, drawing him close until the ornate buckle of his belt is nestled against Alec’s belly button. He’s slouched, relaxed and calm.

“An easy fix.” Magnus pecks the very tip of Alec’s nose, grinning easy at the way it scrunches. “What are you in the mood for?”

“I really want to visit Sky,” Alec sighs, his shoulders drawing up. “I miss their chebureki. I’m craving their chebureki. But I have to file through this paperwork, or the Clave are going to be breathing down my neck.”

Magnus traces the love rune against the nape of Alec’s neck. “I mean this with every breadth of my soul.” He pulls back, drawn to the mirth that draws Alec’s brow together before staring into hazel eyes which have always held his own gaze with such resolve it’s a wonder he ever questioned them. “Fuck the Clave.”

Alec laughs, hearty and full. Magnus kisses the lines of his eyes, warmth cloaking him like a homemade blanket. This, right here. This is all he needs.

“Is that a proposition? I think I have a form somewhere for interdepartmental relationships, I’d be happy to sign it for you.”

Alec feigns to pull away, his hands falling to his sides. Before he can even turn his body, Magnus takes both of Alec’s hands in his own, kissing the space on his ring finger above his wedding band and the ridges of his knuckles while the other intertwines their fingers, squeezing tight and holding their joined hands against his heart - or, rather, a rough estimation of where his heart is, hidden beneath his unbuttoned silk shirt and floral blazer.

“Burn it.” Magnus insists, resting his chin on the back of Alec’s hand, still held tight within his own. “Or shred it. Do you have a paper shredder? We can start a recycling plan! Saving the planet is really something the Clave should care about. Maybe they can investigate that, and then while they’re busy saving the world - I know that you Shadowhunters love that - we can steal away and pretend you never insinuated that I would ever break our sacred marriage vows for the Clave.”

Alec leans back, tapping the side of Magnus’ sleek ankle boots. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have even joked about it.”

“I wouldn’t break our vows for anything.” Magnus pulls a face. “Suggesting I would do it for the Clave is just insulting, Alexander. I have far better taste than that.”

“Is that so?”

Magnus hums, turning Alec’s hand to kiss down his wrist. “I’m pretty sure I have a certificate somewhere that proves it.” He murmurs, tilting his head into the cup of Alec’s palm against his cheek. “Unless that’s how you tested out your paper shredder? We haven’t cleared up whether it exists yet.”

“Your environmental concerns are heard and are being considered by the Inquisitor at present” Alec teases, before adding. “I’m pretty sure that Aline has a paper shredder in her office. It’s definitely the kind of thing that Helen would have gifted. Probably wrapped in a bow, too.”

“That does sound like our Helen.” Magnus steps forward into the gap of Alec’s thighs. “I’m afraid that all I am hearing is that there is in fact no reason why you can’t take an extended lunch break.” He leans forward, teasing a kiss along the cut of Alec’s jaw. “Perhaps we can even enjoy it in the comfort of our own home.”

They would have, Alec prepared with a half-hearted protest that Magnus would just as quickly swallow, bending the pretence of Alec’s revolve before whisking them away in a portal that would have to be created on the balcony to protect the furniture. They would have enjoyed a lovely meal, and each other’s company, and Magnus would have sent Alec back with a sweet kiss and a promise of reservations for some late night ponchiki, conveniently forgetting to mention that he’s missed a button of his shirt.

Unfortunately, none of that happened.

“Inquisitor Lightwood-Bane? High Warlock Lightwood-Bane?”

Magnus rolls his eyes and steps away from Alec, although his hand skims Alec’s hip. The shadowhunter at the door seems familiar … Montclair something, maybe … yes, Eva Montclair. A sort of glorified P.A for various members of the Clave. Her sudden appearance in Alec’s doorway is not a terrible thing by nature, but Magnus has a feeling given the tightness of her knuckles around the hilt of her seraph blade that it is not good news that she couriers this time.

Eva inhales deeply, her shoulders curled in defensively. “I was told to come and tell you both immediately, I’m sorry if I’ve interrupted anything.”

“What’s wrong, Eva?” Alec asks, kind but firm.

“There’s been an instance near Piccadilly. A warlock appears to have recently come into their powers and is struggling with gaining control over them. The Head of the London Institute called them ‘rogue’, but I personally don’t think that’s fair. From the descriptions received all the magic seems to be defensive rather than offensive. The High Warlock there is currently unavailable but suggested that you, Mr. Lightwood-Bane, would be a … ‘fitting substitute’ in his absence?”

Magnus fixes a pleasant smile even as a laugh hiccups in the back of his throat. Ragnor truly says the kindest things. “If this is as you describe, Eva, I’m sure there won’t be any further problems.”

“Please alert the London Institute that we are on our way.” Alec requests. “And please make it clear to them that they are under no circumstances to harm the young warlock. This is no longer any of their concern.”

The hint of a smile toys at the corner of Eva’s mouth, and it’s then that Magnus remembers that she’s married to a warlock herself, and in fact he has met Mars on a few occasions as part of the Downworlder council. Small world.

“Absolutely.” Eva nods, curtly, and ducks out of the room.

Magnus nods towards the balcony doors. “Portal?”

Alec sighs, reaching for Magnus’ hand. “This has to be the fifth call this year alone. I’m starting to think those pamphlets aren't working.”

The balcony doors swing open with a flick of Magnus’ hand.

“Maybe the Institute Heads are just environmentally conscious.”

---

“Angels,” Alec whispers, when they come through the other side of the portal onto a wet cobblestone side-street, the air heavy with unshed rain. “They’re so young.”

The warlock couldn’t possibly be older than eighteen. Their torn jeans are stuffed into worn and muddy old boots, their denim vest is missing sleeves, torn at the shoulder, and the faded band tank underneath looks far too thin for a London evening. Thin, white lines stand out against brown skin, forming stars on their arms like tattoos of varying size, a mark unlike any that Alec has ever seen before and given the slight furrow to Magnus’ brow, it’s not a common one. Their hair is cropped short and pink, which could be a warlock mark, although Alec has his doubts.

“Their mark is glowing.” Magnus comments. “It pulses, see. It’s directly connected to their magic.”

“Is that unusual?” Alec asks, casting an eye around for anything to gain the warlock’s attention without spooking them. “Your eyes glow.”

Magnus drops his glamour. A point is being made, but it isn’t Alec’s. “The pulse is frantic, like their magic, their emotions. Their powers are so new that they haven’t figured out how to control any of it yet. Warlock marks, although rare, do sometimes come with the magic itself. That’s a lot to discover about yourself at once. No wonder they look so frightened, poor dear.”

Alec’s throat tightens when the warlock grips their head and folds over. “We have to help them. I don’t even know how but … we have to help them.”

Magnus grips the back of Alec’s neck, turning him until they’re facing each other. “We will.” Magnus says, firm but kind. “We are their best hope right now, Alexander, and we will help them.” He grazes his thumb along the column of Alec’s nape. “We’re good at this.”

Alec nods, rolling his shoulders back as Magnus’ hand falls away. Magnus gestures and Alec follows his gaze, towards a portable store sign advertising 25% off coats and knitwear - it’s not terribly wide or tall, but if he’s careful he should be able to hide behind it, if temporarily. The last thing they need is for the warlock to feel as though they’ve been trapped, so letting Magnus talk first and providing support without being obvious about it is their best chance at this point in time.

The first time they talked a warlock down Alec had gotten his eyebrows singed off for getting too close, too fast.

“Excuse me?” Magnus has procured a coat, probably from the store behind Alec, his hands shoved into the pockets.

To the unassuming eye, he probably appears to be a concerned citizen, his eyes glamoured once more, although there is an undeniable electricity to him that couldn’t be mistaken by those who know for a thunderstorm. There is a chance that the warlock, although presumably new to their powers, will be able to sense it as well. If that’s the case, their reaction is anyone’s guess. Alec tightens his grip on his bow.

“I’m Magnus Bane.” The warlock glances up with lightning speed, their arms wound tightly around their chest, as though doing so would keep everything in place. Alec is familiar with the feeling. “I’m not going to hurt you. I promise. I’m like you, see?”

Magnus must have dropped his glamour, for the warlock takes a step back, but they lose some of the tension around their shoulders. “May I ask for your name?” He asks, rocking back on his heels.

The warlock hesitates, the stars on their arms pulsing even faster. “Nova.” They say, after what feels to be an hour. Alec lets out a heavy breath and relaxes onto his haunches. This is good.

“Hello, Nova.” Magnus flattens his palm against his chest. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. Is it okay if I ask you a few questions? You don’t have to answer any that make you uncomfortable. My only motivation is helping you if I can.”

“What makes you think that you can help me?” Nova spits out. They’re shaking. “I don’t even know what’s happening to me. The other day I was fine, I was normal and then I woke up yesterday and I have these weird tattoos on my arm and today I’m sending things into different rooms with just my thoughts - and none of it makes any sense! None of it!”

Magnus takes a lone step forward, but Nova doesn’t appear to notice. Alec feels a chill crawl down his spine. “You don’t know me, so what I’m about to ask of you probably goes against every instinct you have. Nova, I need you to trust me.”

“Why?”

Magnus takes another step. The hairs on the back of Alec’s neck stand to attention. “Because I’ve been where you are.” Magnus explains. “Lost. Confused. Angry. I was a child when I discovered my magic, what I could do with it. I didn’t have anybody to help me, and I always vowed that I wouldn’t let that happen to others, if I could help it. I want to help you.”

“What am I?” Nova furiously shakes their head, gripping at their elbows so tight little pinpricks of blood skate down their arms. “Why is this happening to me?”

“I prefer to call myself a warlock. Many of us do.” Magnus explains. He holds out his palm, letting a blue flame collect in the centre. “You can refer to yourself however you like. You can just be Nova, and nothing more, if you want.”

“But the magic … that won’t go away?”

Magnus shakes his head. “No. Take my word for it, you will only cause yourself more harm if you try. It’s not all bad.” The flame in Magnus’ hand turns into a cupcake, with a small sugary rainbow on top of the cream white frosting. “Once you learn how to control it, the things you’ll be able to do are incredible.”

“I lost a mug.” Nova laughs, a fragile thing. “It’s so stupid. I just threw it at the wall, but it didn’t smash or anything it just … disappeared. I looked for hours. It’s not even important, it was a quid or something but it … it’s gone. I did that. I don’t know how but wherever it’s ended up is because of me. What if - what if I do that to somebody? Make them … disappear.”

“I don’t think so.” Magnus is a few feet away now if that. “The kind of power that takes is … astronomical, not to mention the technical restraint. The worst you might do is cause some minor injuries, but even that is rare.”

Nova’s stars are glowing steadily. “Have you ever made someone disappear?”

“Not without the intent to do so.”

The answer seems to appease Nova. Alec stays hunched down, it doesn’t look like Magnus needs his support, although it would be nice to stretch his back soon, although he still trains from time to time, he isn’t exactly as young as he used to be.

“Magnus Bane. Step away from the rogue warlock at once. This is no longer an issue for the Downworlder Council to handle, this has become an Institute matter and will thus be handled by Shadowhunters. Your services have not proven useful, and this warlock must be subdued before any harm is caused.”

The electricity in the air gets sharper. Alec hesitates but eventually rises slowly from his crouched position. He catches the minute the Institute Head, Stephen Highsmith, sees him and the flood of blood to his cheeks and forehead. A second later, his head whips towards Nova, who is clutching at their head, their wide eyes caught between the three of them. Alec doesn’t have the time to search for the Shadowhunters positioned around them, knows on instinct that they’re surrounded, that the only way out is through talking and, if that fails, a little violent liberty.

“The warlock is a child.” He states, stalking out from behind the sign. He grips his bow tight and positions himself diagonally from Magnus, firm in his defence. “Surely you have higher morals than that, Stephen.”

Highsmith, a weasely man riding the coattails of his family name, sneers and draws his seraph blade. He’d never been too good as a Shadowhunter, from all accounts, but power is a currency and money talks. “It was very honourable of you to leave your post and flock to my streets, Inquisitor Lightwood, but I’m afraid your presence is simply not necessary. My men and I have it handled.”

“I’m sure you’re very capable of handling precarious situations, Mr. Highsmith.” Butter wouldn’t melt in Magnus’ mouth. “However, as High Warlock Fell is currently out of the country and has given permission for Alexander and myself to fulfil his duties in his place, I do believe it is a case best left to us. We don’t intend to intrude upon your delicate sensibilities, I’m sure you’re a very busy man who has much better things to do than to waste your time on such a small affair.”

“For the record.” Alec smiles with no heart. “It’s Lightwood-Bane. A simple mistake, I’m sure, but an important thing to rectify. Names carry a lot of importance and weight, you know.”

Highsmith splutters. “I do not have time for this!”

“Neither do we.” Magnus stalks closer, until he’s within arms distance from Highsmith. Alec inches closer to Nova, now bent over with their palms pressed against their eyelids. “This is a matter for the Downworlder council, and as it’s representatives, we will take care of it. The longer you argue and fight with us over this, however, the longer it will take until we are out of your hair.”

The back of Alec’s neck prickles with heat. Magnus continues to admonish Highsmith. “Neither Alexander nor I will budge until Nova is safe. Believe me when I tell you that there is nobody more equipped to handle this than us, and if you don’t take your leave quietly and with what little grace you can summon, you will be responsible for whatever harm or damage is caused.”

“How dare you speak to me like that!” Highsmith’s face is blotchy and red.

“Quite easily.” Magnus twists his fingers, a white-hot blast landing at Highsmith’s feet. His shoes turn into fluffy bunny slippers. The ears flop when he pounds his feet. “Respect is earnt, Mr. Highsmith, and quite frankly you have done nothing worth receiving mine.”

A low muttering draws Alec’s attention. Nova has sunk onto their knees, the heel of their palms digging into their eyes. Alec quietly side-steps closer, holding his bow behind his back so as not to terrify Nova even more.

“I just want to go home. I just want this all to end. I want to go home.”

Alec sneaks a glance towards Magnus, still holding defence against Highsmith, who has acquired shocking green hair and a yellow high-visibility vest alongside the bunny slippers. Perhaps it won’t go as smoothly as if Magnus were the one talking Nova down, he can connect with them in a way Alec never would, but he can offer support - just as long as he can calm Nova down, draw them away from the conflict, that’s all … then they can dismiss Highsmith because there would be no ‘warlock problem’ and Nova’s safety and comfort could once again take priority.

“Nova?” Alec crouches down, rocking back on his heels. “My name is Alec. I’m a friend of Magnus’. We’re going to do our best to get you home, okay?”

Nova starts rocking back and forth. Their tattoos glow brighter than before, a luminescent blue that pricks at the back of Alec’s eyes. “I want to go home.” They continue to murmur, in a voice that takes on a warbled effect, as though they were speaking underwater. “I just want to go home.”

“Where do you live?” Alec asks. “Do you live in London?”

Nova falls to their knees. In the distance, Alec hears Magnus’ tone getting sharper, although he can’t make out exactly what is being said, it doesn’t fill him with much confidence that a productive conversation is being had. Nova keeps rocking, folded over into themselves. Blood streaks down their forearms, small droplets collecting behind their ears from where their fingers had dug into their scalp.

“Enough is enough!” Highsmith shouts. Shadowhunters spill out from the dark, armed to the teeth with all manner of weapons, seraph blades and a few staves, the odd throwing star attached at the hip. Archers are scattered across the rooftops around them, arrows notched and aimed.

“Highsmith.” Magnus’ hands crackle as blue flame licks at his fingertips, wrapping around his arms. “I’ve made an attempt at civility, but you are clearly not interested in politics. Fine. Take this as a warning. Recall your soldiers. Stand down. I cannot guarantee everyone’s safety if you do not heed this warning, and the dangerous consequences your refusal could inflict are limitless. This young warlock is frightened. Let us look after them, and I assure you, nobody will get hurt.”

“I have had enough of your whining.” Highsmith spits. “This is now Shadowhunter business. Perhaps a few days in a cold cell will teach this young warlock how to control their powers.”

It all happens in a flash. Literally, an actual flash.

Alec rushes forward to protect Nova, futile as it might be, his bow poised towards the nearest threat - a Shadowhunter only a few feet away with a seraph blade drawn and pointed at the back of Nova’s head. A static roaring fills his ears, but he pushes through, hardly aware of his own body as an arrow is sent flying into the Shadowhunter’s shoulder. His skin starts to prick and burn, from his hands up to his neck and rushing down to his ankles like a wildfire coursing through a forest. His heart beats in tune with Nova’s words, I want to go home, thud thud thud thud thud.

Alec shuts his eyes against a luminescent white light, stumbling as the ground falls out from beneath him and an echo calls out for him, a desperate plea of his name shouted underwater.

Magnus?

I just want to go home.

---

Alexander? Alexander!

---

The air smells like metal and thunderstorms. Magnus whirls on his heel, angry tears racing down his cheeks. Hell, hath no fury like a warlock scorned.

“Listen to me you weasely git.” Magnus spits. “I’m done playing civil. My husband is missing because you wanted to play hero for the first time in your poor, forsaken life. Sad you never got to play soldiers with the big boys? Well, guess it’s your lucky day. I am going to take Nova with me back to Alicante, and while I’m there, I’m going to ensure that my lovely friend Consul Penhallow is updated with everything that occurred here today. Unfortunately for you, her wife has family in the area, some of whom I am sure wouldn’t mind stepping up to keep an eye on you. I’ve seen how you conduct yourself, and if it is any indication of how your Institute is run, I guarantee it is not a position that you will retain for much longer.”

Magnus raises a hand. The Shadowhunters flanking Highsmith sheath their weapons. “Withdraw your forces and go slinking back. This is not a request. You did not heed my warning, but you will weather the consequences.”

He turns, uninterested in sparring Highsmith another second of his time. Magnus didn’t see the flash, but he recognised the sign of a portal, although … there’s something about this one that is bugging him.

Today I’m sending things into different rooms with just my thoughts … I don’t know how but wherever it’s ended up is because of me … what if I do that to somebody? Make them disappear?

“Fuck.”

Nova is sitting cross-legged on the floor, staring at their hands as though they’re something alien. Magnus collapses in front of them, a mirror-reflection. They’re shaking, tremors like the ground before an earthquake.

The earthquake has come. This is the aftershock.

“I don’t know what happened.” Nova whispers, harshly. “I just wanted everything to stop. I kept wishing that I could go home, and everything got really muffled, like I was wrapped in cotton or something, but I was still here and there was so much noise, so much shouting and I was so scared-”

“Might I reach for your hand?” Magnus asks. Nova glances up, their cheeks stained with dried tears. They nod, wordlessly. Magnus turns their palms over, tracing the lines with his fingers where they glow intermittently, as though a light was shining from beneath their skin.

“You’re not mad?”

“No.” Magnus’ smile is a little thin, a little bittersweet. “Not at you. I know that Alexander is okay, wherever he is, and that’s all that matters to me.”

Nova shakes their head. “He could be dead, I could have-”

“You didn’t.” Magnus assures them. “I would know if he was, as sure as you knew when your magic appeared. Which, if I recall correctly, you said was behaving volatile today?”

Nova’s fingers curl against Magnus’. “That flash. I felt like an exposed wire. I felt…” Nova frowns. “Right as it happened, I felt really calm all of a sudden, but also … like my magic? I guess? Was being pulled out of me. I wasn’t scared anymore, though, I felt … comforted. Safe? But then I opened my eyes, and everything was the same, and all that fear came flooding back.”

Jagged pieces are coming together in Magnus’ mind. It’s a working theory, and a weak one at that, but it’s something and that’s enough for him to cling onto, to keep his sanity.

“Nova. I don’t mean to pressure you, so please do not take it that way, you are of course free to go wherever you please - I promise the Shadowhunters, the lot dressed in all black with their pointy egos, won’t cause you any harm, but … if you’re willing, I could use your help.”

“My help?”

Magnus wicks a portal into existence. The wind around them picks up leaves and twigs but in the little bubble he creates for them, they are safe. “This is a portal. I sort of invented them. I have a feeling that what you did is not all that dissimilar, but I need your help to figure that out. I hope that I’ll be able to help you better understand your own powers, and get my husband back, but only if it is something you are comfortable with.”

Nova stares at the portal in wonder. They nod, hesitant at first and then firmer with every movement. “Whatever happened … it was my fault. I know you don’t blame me, somehow, but if I can help … I have to. You and your husband were willing to do anything to help me, it’s the least I can do.”

“It only takes a word, if at any point you want to bow out, or you don’t feel comfortable or safe, your commitment ends. There’s no obligation here, okay?”

Nova nods. Magnus stands gingerly, wiping the dirt of the back of his pants and extending a hand to help pull them up. “You’ll need to keep tight hold of my hand.” He instructs. “Don’t let go until I say it’s safe, otherwise I could lose you too.”

Nova squeezes Magnus’ hand. “We’ll find him.” They promise.

“Of course, we will.” Magnus smiles, wishing he could even half-convince himself.

---

Alec focuses his landing on the balls of his feet, leaning back to distribute his weight to his heels to cushion the impact. It’s fortunate that, despite the length of time he’s spent behind a desk instead of in the field, he’s managed to keep up with his training. That fall could have wiped him out.

He takes a few seconds to focus on what he can hear, smell, see; the floor beneath him is a dark mahogany, freshly polished, the sunlight leaking in from the north facing window between drawn burgundy curtains. Outside the window echoes a busy street, tolling bells and warm chatter and … horses?

“Quite a grand entrance. Most people just use the doorbell.”

The voice, familiar in the wrong ways, sweeps under his feet and knocks him backwards, scattered along the floor. It’s only magic, which he recognises beneath its coldness, that saves him from knocking over a beautiful porcelain vase sat precariously atop an equally beautiful, engraved end table.

“Then again, I’m not sure I would have invited a Shadowhunter into my home.”

The voice belongs to Magnus, but he is … not himself. At least not the one that Alec knows. It’s rather like seeing a distorted mirror image for all that stands out to him as wrong.

The hardened glaze of Magnus’ glamoured eyes. The sneer of his mouth. The white of his knuckles curled around the top of a hardback novel. The muted colours, from his hair to his makeup-free face, to the dark pants with thin silver lines and matching suspenders over a plain black shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his forearms. The line of his body along the gilded lounge is carefully constructed to suggest a nonchalance which is betrayed by the tension Alec can see in the rigidity of his limbs; he’s poised to attack.

This is not the Magnus that Alec recognises, this is a stranger with his husband’s face, his history, and his memories but not his present - or, rather, as Alec is quickly coming to suspect, his future.

“I’m sorry.” Alec tries to stand up, but as soon as his hands touch the floor, they become stuck, as though someone has glued them to the wood. His feet too are rooted in place.

“Oh, no. Please don’t apologise. It’s not as though you barged into my home, my private sanctuary, with no warning.” Magnus purses his lips. “You did not pull a weapon on me. I will admit that is a nice change.”

Alec can’t feel along his back for his quiver, but he’s fairly certain his weapons hadn’t travelled with him. Magnus had cloaked them to appear when he needed them, but it’s unlikely they were spelled in preparation for a situation such as this. Not that he is 100% clear on what this even is.

“Who are you?” Magnus waves a hand dismissively. “Please don’t say ‘Shadowhunter’, I am quite aware of that much, even if your runes weren’t visible only child soldiers hold themselves with such rigid arrogance. I will concede the outfit is quite out of the ordinary, however.”

Alec clears his throat. He has to be delicate about this. “My name is Alexander.” He shifts his weight and draws his shoulders in as best he can. “Alexander L-uh, Wayland. Alexander Wayland.”

Smooth.

Magnus hums, folding his book and letting it fall onto the glass table in front of him. “I had suspected for a fleeting moment that you might have been a Lightwood. No matter.” He elegantly sweeps his legs over until both are flat on the ground, his hands clasped between his knees as he leans forward with a seamless, lethal grace. “The real question I need an answer to would be how a lanky Nephilim such as yourself made it past my wards to crash into the very room in which I had been trying to enjoy some peace and quiet. London isn’t exactly known for such these days.”

“London?” Alec echoes, without quite thinking much of it.

Despite his foolish hope that he might have been wrong, the evidence was insurmountable and quite literally staring him in the face - however it might have happened, when he’d moved towards Nova he’d been sent falling and inevitably crashing into 1884. Magnus had only stayed in London for a year, hadn’t been back since, and Alec has seen the photos of him, Ragnor and Camille, recognises the darkness in Magnus’ gaze as when he first talked about Camille, and how she had torn him to pieces, discarding him without a thought after she was no longer satisfied with him.

“Magnus, Archibald has two extra tickets for tonight’s - oh. I do not recall you informing me that you were intending on having company for the night.”

A tall, slender blonde man hovers in the doorway, staring at Alec with equal parts vague intrigue and thinly veiled distaste. Everything about him exudes taste and elegance, but there is a familiarity to his features that itches at the back of Alec’s mind. He knows the man’s face, has never met him, he doesn’t think, but knows him in the distant way that one knows legends and heroes.

“The tickets are all yours, Woolsey.” Magnus doesn’t take his eyes off Alec. “I am afraid it appears I will be a little preoccupied, I have some unexpected business to take care off. Enjoy the play on my behalf.”

Woolsey Scott. The founder of the Praetor Lupus.

This isn’t funny anymore.

“Of course.” The corner of Woolsey’s mouth ticks up. None of the documentation around him could have ever come close to capturing the real thing. Magnus had mentioned him a few times, off handed, but Alec can see how they would have gotten along. “Don’t wait up, my dear. I certainly won’t be.”

Just as quickly as he had come sweeping in, Woolsey is gone, and Alec is left to sit glued to the floor while Magnus picks him apart by gaze alone. After a few uncomfortable minutes where the distant ticking of a grandfather stirs Alec a little mad, a chair slides across the polished floor, coming to a stop seamlessly next to Alec. The magic around his hands and feet disappear. He can wiggle his toes again.

“I kindly suggest that you take a seat.” Magnus states in a tone that leaves no room for a refusal. “I have a few questions that need answering.”

TBC on AO3

#incorrect-malec #malecsanta20 #*fic20 #*gifts20

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zpetlovesglitter · 4 years

Text

The Wicked Powers Theories

The Wicked Powers has recently been getting me excited WAY too much - which says a lot about how weird I am since Cassie hasn’t even started on it yet (LOL).

aND, so, I kind of thought it’d be nice to jot down some predictions and theories on how the series might go and maybe some thoughts on THE SHIPS (that really do be the real TEA).

So.Here we go.And do let me know about any thoughts you have on this topic as well - I read anything about TWP like a crazed creature these days istg.

1)The POV has already been envisioned to be from Ty, Dru and Kit. I absolutely love this settlement since they are all very intriguing characters. Ty is an interesting person and his actions are always unpredictable, so we might enjoy this one. And,I believe he is at The Scholomance while the story progresses, followed by Livvy (Ghost Livvy, I mean).It’s still unclear what Livvy’s situation is, so I can’t wait to know more about that - it’s bound to be something unexpected. And, as for Dru, it’s kinda obvious. We all know that WE HAVE A LOVE TRIANGLE COMING UP. But, other than that, we also know she attends The Academy and finally starts to makes some friends and even has that really close Italian (..or was it Spanish???) Shadowhunter friend who’s her age and Cassie also revealed that the two are really tight indeed. And I will be honing in on the Love Triangle soon - I told you I’ll be trying to spill whatever tea I’m guessing at. And, as for the last character WE HAVE KIT! OMFG YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE OLDER BROTHER KIT.LIKE GOSH DARN IT HE IS SO ADORABLE AND MINA IS SO EFFING CUTE I CAN’T EVEN- AND KIT’S TRAINING WITH JEM AND HE IS GOING TO BE A WELL-TRAINED SHADOWHUNTER IN TWP, SO YAYYYY!! And, I absolutely CANNOT wait for MinaXKit interactions, they are the cutest siblings ever and I absolutely know that Mina grows up to be sarcastic. I can’t wait for the possible sarcastic arguments between Kit and 4-year old Mina. YOU THINK I FORGOT ABOUT KITxTY? NOPE.THE REAL SHET’S COMING UP.

2)Now,we know that the storyline is going to have something to do with that Faerie Heirloom that was from the Rosales Family. And, Cassie also said it was going to be kind of an Arthurian Legend-ish story. If you don’t know the Arthurian Legend, I suggest you read on it. I’m not sure if Cassie meant the characters and LOVE Aspect of it or the LEGEND aspect of it as in the stuff about Excalibur and all. But, for now we’ll view it in both and examine it, shall we?

King Arthur's reign ends after his wife and best knight have an affair.

This is the drama in the legend.But, there are no relationships with the MCs yet. So idk. I’m clueless. Like, maybe Dru has a relationship?? Okay I’m clutching at practically nothingness so don’t judge me. :/

So,it’s obviously something to do with the LEGEND.

I am afraid I cannot say too much about it, since I have never read too deeply about it. But, here’s some of the basics:

-He managed to pull out Excalibur from the rock it was stuck in.

-He wielded Excalibur for the people and not for his own self-interest.

-He gets help from a wizard named Merlin.

-The peeps go on a quest.

And I have this reference from a website..I’ll hit u with the link as well, if you’d like to read more on it like I did

Arthurian legend, the body of stories and medieval romances, known as the matter of Britain, centring on the legendary king Arthur. Medieval writers, especially the French, variously treated stories of Arthur’s birth, the adventures of his knights, and the adulterous love between his knight Sir Lancelot and his queen, Guinevere. This last situation and the quest for the Holy Grail (the vessel used by Christ at the Last Supper and given to Joseph of Arimathea) brought about the dissolution of the knightly fellowship, the death of Arthur, and the destruction of his kingdom.

(I’ve linked it with the text above.)

So,now I thought this was interesting- the destruction part. After all, it’s something I’m expecting about the Shadowhunters. Will the Clave maybe be destroyed? Or maybe Faerie will be destroyed? So,there were three things that brought on this uh Destruction.FIRST, his wife and his best buddy were going behind his back and doing them lovey-dovey stuff. And they all go on some quest to retrieve something important to them. So, this sounds like something plausible to be the plot of TWP. Maybe the Heirloom’s missing? And who goes on the quest though? Maybe they venture through Faerie? BLAH MY HEAD HURTS SOME THINGS ARE BETTER TO BE SURPRISED WITH ;)

-----I kinda scrolled back up while writing about Janus down there and remembered CLARY MIGHT BE TAKEN HOSTAGE LIKE YESS AND THEY GO FIND HER MAYBE?

3)We will defo see Christina, Mark and Kieran at some point- no worries, Emma and Julian too. Happy Couples! XD

4)So,then we can look forward to Dru and Jaime’s interactions. I am absolutely excited for this the most, as a shipper of the two. If you remember, we saw Jaime ignoring her for a while back there at the end of QOAAD and then he says “See ya at the Academy soon ig”. I really do hope they meet and hang out as friends, at least. I am excited to see what kind of trope it’s gonna be tho. Like, do they ignore each other and remain awkward until they start the adventure stuff in the book where they eventually have to talk to each other after years or smth. Or, maybe they’re really good friends rn. But, what I’ll warn y’all shippers is that they might not end up together, and could wind up as brother-sister-ish kind of best buddies. Which is equally cute a relationship imo. It’s a really sweet thing to be, really. I lowkey hope Cassie spins something beautiful for their relationship like a sibling-like best friends kind of thing. But, I feel like they might have feelings for each other in secret. Or maybe they date. Or maybe they suppress their secret-feelings for the sake of friendship later on in the book and end up having that really sweet friendship I was talking about.There are SO many options and that is precisely why I am so freaking excited.

5)JAIME ROCIO ROSALES. Like, I have this gut feeling that he might end up being my fave male protagonist character in TSC. He’s got it ALL. Like, the sense of humour, the looks, the bubbly yet brooding personality, the quirks and OFC THE FRICKING NAME ITSELF IS CUTE AF LIKE BRUH I CANNOT WAIT TO READ ABOUT HIM.I have so much to say about Jaime but I’d rather we let ourselves simply wait for the crumbs Cassie might give us or maybe reread all his parts in TDA like I do everyday or just wait for the book to come out rather than simp for someone we know nothing about yet....

6)Ash Morgenstern. He’s a cute lil bean. That was random and untrue lmao. He’s not a ‘lil bean’. He’s totally badass with dem wings and all, but we know he’s soft inside for Janus and ofc Dru, I believe. I find him the most intriguing character, honestly. I would love to know what goes through his head. He’s actually, like, the one character in TSC that I don’t have all figured out. He gon surprise us all for sure tho. He is awesome. That’s all I have to say for now. And he looks up to Janus which is SO GODDAMN SWEET AHHHH. And THE WINGS I CANNOT WAIT TO READ MORE ABOUT THE WINGS IT SOUNDED SO BADASS ISTG I LITERALLY CANNOT WAIT GOSH DARN IT. But he really do be a cute lil bean lowkey tho.

7)Kit and Ty LOL. I have no words really. But lemme tell you how it might go. There is definitely going to be some kind of reunion. AND THEN THAT’S WHERE IT GETS CUTE. They could either be awkward and we know what tension that gets us-perhaps some whisperings of My Watson...(? ;) and maybe they go all sad and brooding with dem looks later OR, they could be the sweetie-pies they were before and be happy and all HIII BUDDDYYYY MISSED YAAA LESS GO BE DETECTIVES YAY BURN IT UP MAH BUDDY!! Either way it’s going to be cute af and we know it . TRUST IN CASSIE Y’ALL.I trust Cassie to let this ship sail the seven seas and seven more like it deserves.

8)Ash and Dru So, Ash has a strange lil fixation on Dru and I believe he even thought she was ‘pretty’ or something. It was definitely a good adjective, but I think he said ‘pretty’. idk but we know he likes her. and I can imagine a nice relationship. I can picture them with her hair flying in the wind and they meet for the first time or smth. IHNI WHAT IM SAYING. But, there will be DRAMA. They are going to be real cute with each other YOU CAN BET ON THAT.And, by cute I do not necessarily mean ‘Oh, you have the loveliest eyes’ or some shet like that. I have a feeling it’s going to be a case of ‘Well,that’s not weird or anything YOU WEIRDO - NO U - NO U - NO U’ However this relationship is going to go, I know that it’ll be a sweet one.And, for all you shippers of these two, I have no assurances that HE IS THE ONE or anything but he is definitely a candidate. Jaime is going to be some competition I can tell. So, idk. It depends on the Jaime x Dru ship to decide things for Ash x Dru ship imo, since it might be a no-brainer if the two have feelings for each other- I mean,Jaime is an actually perfect love interest in TSC, while Ash is strong potential Best-Friend material, so it’s ONLY if Jaime and Dru don’t like each other that way that Ash could make it as a love interest. So, if y’all wanna find out what’s in it for you guys, ask Cassie maybe about how the Jaime x Dru ship might go, the next time u wanna ask her ;)

9)Tavvy and maybe the kid Helen and Aline might have had We were getting hints of another baby, so HERE WE GO.Tavvy might have a playmate. :D. YAYYYYYYYYYY

10)Janus I’m honestly worried about him. He is a worrisome character. I hate empathising with the antagonist, personally. AAAAHHHH . I hope we see some character development in him. I really don’t want to see him as an antagonist in the story. He’s sweet and feels cheated, but he should realise that it ain’t Jace’s fault but SEBASTIAN’S fault. I would like for him to make amends with Jace :( And, also, he might get the story started in TWP tho idk. But, seriously tho, when he went home in that short story and Ash asked, “I thought you were gone forever?” or something of that sort and he shook his head sadly and Ash went soft for him. Like, that fricking broke my heart. I love this relationship tho. And, i hope Clary and him can be good friends. But, I feel like he might end up dying to save her or smth and make us all cry . T_T

11)WHAT TF IS GOING ON WITH THE SHADOWHUNTER POLITICS RN THO?HOW AND WHERE ARE THEY ALL SURVIVING TOGETHER WHAT IS THEIR SYSTEM AND STUFF THIS IS NOT A POINT WITH POTENTIAL THEORIES COZ HONESTLY I WANT TO BE SURPRISED BUT I THINK THEY MIGHT ALL JUST BE IN HIDING AND THEN IN TWP THEY MIGHT HAVE TO COME OUT FOR A QUEST OR SMTH AND WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE SHADOWHUNTERS AT THE CLIMAX OF THIS WHOLE SERIES??? IT IS THE END OF TSC SO IM SCARED AND KINDA SAD TOO :(((((((

12)Thule We might learn more about the Thule world and maybe they restore it or maybe the Quest is in Thule. idk. we don’t know much, but Thule will most probably be explored a lot. Cassie wouldn’t have opened up Thule for no reason.

13)Zara and Emma Showdown? Befriend e/o ? What’s in store for these two? If it’s a showdown we get to see CORTANA YAY I AM OBSESSED WITH CORTANA NOW BECAUSE OF CORDELIA AND HER OBSESSION GOSH DARN IT WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME

14)BIG WAR I see a huge war coming I just know it. It’s a climax so there MUST be a big war and so I cannot wait! Feel like there’s gonna be some deaths as well. Lowkey feel like Jia might die. I can feel it. :(

15)The best-friend shadowhunter of Dru is a nice thing to look forward to! I can’t wait to read about the two! And I love the fact that Dru is finally exposed to new people. And, for anyone who’s confused as to how she goes to the Academy, in QOAAD she only said she’ll have some maturity done AFTER some years . Those years are over and she at the Academy now hecc yeah I BELIEVE THE BFF IS CALLED THAI AND SHE’S FROM THE SPANISH INSTITUTE CORRECT ME IF IM WRONG???

16)Magnus Bane He is literally everywhere. He gon be here too. No worries for all the Magnus Bane stans. He’ll make it here without a doubt! Good for you :). and the entire community of shadowhunters they literally always need him 17)THE MAIN MAIN PLOT THE SHADOWHUNTERS SHOWDOWN IS OBVIOUSLY GOING TO ALSO BE RELATED TO THE PRINCES OF HELL COMING TOGETHER AND I AM TOO SCARED TO LOOK TOO INTO IT BUT WE KNOW SHIZ COMING GNJODIFPEDWEFHUGBJ VM

18)THIS IS KINDA RANDOM BUT I CAN’T WAIT FOR THE SELF-ESTEEM GROWTH IN DRU LIKE PLEASE SHE QUEEN MWAH

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aratilightwood · 4 years

Text

As a POC who’s had things weighing heavily on my mind recently, I think I have a valid reason for speaking out about this. I’m sorry I haven’t posted this before, but it’s taken a few days to collate my thoughts. Before I start, I’d also like to point out that I don’t speak for all POCs, because I know some of them have different beliefs and a right to feel the way they do even if their opinions contradict mine.

But here we go - there’s no denying that CC tends to make some of her POC characters mixed or whitewashed. Look at Magnus, Jem, Alastair, Cordelia, Aline and Maia for example. In most cases these characters take their father’s last names, which isn’t unusual because it’s a norm even in today’s society. But when these fathers also happen to be white and the children become thoroughly ingrained in his lineage by dressing and behaving like Westerners (British and American), this further adds to their whitewash. Just because they know how to speak their mother’s language, or are aware of her lineage, doesn’t necessarily mean this is accurate representation. In fact, it’s not enough. It concerns me as to why some of you fail to see how problematic this is.

Out of the six characters I’ve mentioned and considering TSC as a whole, only three of them got to be mains in their own books - Jem in ‘The infernal devices’ and ‘Ghosts of the shadow market,’ Magnus in ‘The eldest curses’ and ‘The bane chronicles’ and Cordelia in ‘The last hours.’ What’s alarming is the fact that with everything CC’s written so far (and TSC has a LOT of books), there’s not a single non-mixed POC who’s starred as a main. Just let that sink in.

Setting that aside, there’s a higher number of white characters compared to POCs (main or sidelined). Some of them have been poorly represented, pressed into stereotypes or neglected in terms of exploration into their backgrounds/cultures. (You can find a break down and evidence of this here, here, here and). It’s also pretty careless of CC to pick and choose what aspects of these religions/backgrounds/cultures she includes, while overlooking others that are just as important. You could argue that the number of POCs have improved over the series. But statistics remain irrelevant when issues are continuously pointed out, and comparing representation between them and white characters only leads to discovering MORE differences.

So by God, people are allowed to feel upset over it. It’s hurtful to undermine those who belong to marginalised groups and strive at looking for accurate representation by claiming, “why do you read TSC if you hate CC?” “why do you dedicate your blog to her books if all you do is criticise?” and one of the the worst I’ve seen - “this seems like performative fake woke” - which is complete bullshit because I’d say I’ve been performing all my life than. As a Pakistani woman who was born and bought up in a predominantly white country like England, I’d tell you, searching for YA books that spoke to me on a personal level while I was a teenager, was very hard. I’ve found some enjoyment in TSC, but that doesn’t mean I don’t recognise things that are wrong with the series. Most, if not all, POC readers have been aware of the inaccurate representation even though some of them have only chosen to speak about it now with encouragement.

If you’re going to attack someone who rightfully calls CC out for flaws in her work even when their blog is TSC centric - just remember that there’s a line between reprimanding and hatred. Anyone can like something while also acknowledging the good and the bad. It’s called taking a critical approach and literature, especially because it’s fictional and interpretation is subjective, is always open for it.

...

If anyone’s deeply effected by what’s been happening in the fandom over the past few days, please private message me becuase I’m happy to discuss things and also learn other people’s veiwpoints as well.

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falsehoodx · 4 years

Note

Do you have any advice on what helps body dysmorphia? Ik you’ve said before you struggle with it and idk if you’ve found anything that helps, I’ve just been feeling really bad about my body recently and have a completely warped perception of myself and idk what to do

i will preface this by saying that bd is different for everyone, what works for me may not work for you, and also that i have not perfecting my coping mechanisms as i am still using unhealthy ones. obviously, i wont be listing those lol

because bd is so different for everyone, i’m gonna start by explaining how bd feels to me specifically, if you think that could be triggering skip to the next paragraph for how i help my bd. it also may be triggering for people who have struggled with eds, although i personally will not be mentioning ed some of the rhetoric is similar in terms of how i feel about my own body. ok here we go: i have an obsession with being small, and i’m not. i’m 5’6”, kinda chubby and have the shoulders of a football player. my bd doesnt just make me want to be skinny, it makes me want to be tiny and feminine. i wont go into too much detail about how this effects my everyday life as to not be too graphic, but i am pretty much constantly aware of the fact that i feel like i am percieved as broad and gross and manly. if this doesnt sound anything like your bd, my coping mechanisms might not work for you.

how i help ease my bd:

-make myself feel pretty. put on a ton of makeup and do my hair, and put on an outfit that i feels accentuate my better features and hides my bad ones. for example, if i’m feeling particularly bad about my hip dips, i’ll put on an aline skirt or something that hides that feature of my body. then i take pictures. taking pictures really really helps me with my bd because i get to choose exactly how i’m posed, how my face looks, the lighting, the angle etc. then i can look at the pictures and think wow, i actually look pretty. it also helps me to post them or show them to my friends who i know will hype them up, because it feels like a little extra validation.

- i know that sometimes you cant always make yourself feel pretty. in that case i try to find ways to ignore my body. i’ll usually put on a sports bra and a big sweatshirt and sweatpants and get under a big blanket and watch an animated kids show. i know this sounds weird but kids shows tend to help ease my bd because i’m not acutely aware of how much better all the actresses’ bodies are compared to mine. since its animated for children the women arent usually sexualized as much. hell princess bubblegum is shaped like a door. i dont suggest anime because the women are highly sexualized and i often find my bd gets even worse when i watch anime. when none of the characters bodies have any importance to the show, it helps me forget about my own body and instead be concerned with the fact that (spoiler!) steven is rose quartz or something like that. it takes the pressure off.

like i said, these may not work for you, but its what helps me. i havent perfected coping with my bd at ALL but these are two things i can usually fall back on. hopefully you were able to gain something out of this. i love you, your body is a temple, and were in this together. be safe and happy💕

#ask #tw bd #tw body dysmorphia #tw ed mention

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alecmagnuslwb · 4 years

Text

New Year’s Eve: Chapter Two

Read it all on AO3 or previous ch. here

One magical night, five intertwining love stories, all culminating at midnight with just maybe some confessions and kisses as the clock strikes.

This chapter: It’s all about the ladies. After filling in for her forlorn roommate in a New Year’s Eve ball drop contest, Helen might just find her dream girl in party planner, Aline, on top of getting to put her political science geek out front and center when she meets the mayor.

***

2 P.M., New Year’s Eve

Aline chuckles as she exits the hotel, pressing a kiss to Catarina’s cheek and urging her to call if their boys get too out of hand.

She’s leaving Alec and Magnus to sort it out for themselves from here if possible. She loves Alec and wants to see him happy. She even played the doting best friend for nine months hating Magnus Bane on his behalf, but she also watched the pain in his eyes and light in his smile dull out. She doesn’t know Magnus’ side, but she knows the way Magnus used to look at Alec was real, something just went fuzzy in the end.

So, today she’d reached out to Magnus for the first time in months after receiving word the record company had to switch out headliners. She’s done her part, she helped bridge the gap now the balls in their court.

She has other things to attend to, most importantly the ball drop ceremony in Times Square. Usually the city handles everything, but after a nationwide search for one person to press the button alongside the mayor and the Jonas Brother’s they’d reached out to an outside event planner to prep the individual and throw a small gathering for them beforehand.

The hotel where the Edom records party is being held is thankfully only a few blocks away from the offsite building where they’re holding the party and meet and greet. A private escort will get them where they need to be closer to midnight. She enjoys the walk the cold December air more of a wake up to her system than any cup of coffee could be.

She arrives at the building fairly quickly, the city just it’s normal amount of busy still so early in the day, heading upstairs flashing the badge she’d gotten sorted out days ago that grants her access to all things here and in Times Square.

“Ms. Penhallow,” the Mayor’s assistant greets her when she reaches the proper floor with a smile extending her hand to shake.

“Ms. Herondale, lovely to see you again,” she squeezes her hand letting go. “I assume everything is in order.”

Ms. Herondale shakes her head, gesturing for the Aline to follow her. “Everything arrived and was set up as you ordered yesterday.”

They turn a few corners entering a room with a large floor to ceiling set of windows that give a gorgeous view of the city and a particularly good look at the ball suspended high in the sky. It’s always looked so odd during the day. More like a weird pimple on the side of Times Square than the glowing globe of spectacle and wonder it is after the sun goes down.

She surveys the room; the decorations and settings aren’t the prettiest things she’s ever been in charge of. While the Edom Records party is a stunning ball room of twinkling lights, intricate floral displays and high paid entertainment, this is more like a classed-up Beauty and the Beast themed party with varying tones of gold decorations.

Her budget for this had been fairly small, the city allotting only a sprinkling of money more concerned that Aline show the contest winner a good time than anything else. It’s a low-paying gig that Aline would usually never accept, but the exposure of getting her name and ability into the Mayor’s ear could lead to many well off rich, white dudes being very willing to pay her lots of money to plan exurbanite parties for them.

She loves the concept of taking their money and using it to branch off from her mother’s business and start up her own, so she’s taking this job more seriously than anything.

***

Helen can’t believe she agreed to this. That she let Rebecca swindle her into going in her place all with the promise of getting to talk politics with the New York City Mayor and dishwashing for a month. She wishes she had Clary’s strong will and actual plans and had turned down the sad eyes and no doubt eventual empty promises of their roommate.

She’s late which is already a valid reason why she shouldn’t be doing this. Rebecca said she was told to be here by three, it’s nearly four already because Rebecca wasted her time moaning about having to go before actually working on convincing her to go and then by law Helen had to stop and pet the large golden retriever that she had gotten tangled up in the leash of when she exited the subway. It’s a sign from above that she should have just stayed at home.

The party itself will likely be boring, she’ll probably only talk to the mayor for barely a minute and then be bored to death. She’ll get some free food if nothing else. The actual ball drop part is a little worrisome, since crowds aren’t Helen’s favorite thing, but she assumes there’ll be alcohol at this pre-party and a few glasses of wine tend to allow her to lose the edge and fall into whatever space she’s in without a care.

She looks down at her phone double checking the address while looking up at the building before her. She’s here and officially just over an hour late. She works her way inside and up to where a receptionist guides her to the event.

She enters the room and first notices how oddly classy it looks. She feels like she’s walking into a way fancier party than Rebecca told her it would be and suddenly she wishes she hadn’t just left in what she’d been wearing around the apartment.

She wishes she was dressed nicer even more so when her eyes scan the room and spot without a doubt the most gorgeous woman she’s ever seen. The beauty is looking down at her phone, a tight black dress with a well-cut silver edged navy-blue blazer over top. Helen on the other hand is wearing a fake fur line leather jacket, possibly her oldest pair of skinny jeans and a Hayley Kiyoko t-shirt.

The woman’s long dark hair falls off to one side and Helen wants to run her fingers through it. She’s staring, she’s aware she’s staring and of course that’s the moment she’s caught. The woman looks up and Helen knows for a fact she’s absolutely screwed once a smile lights up her pretty face.

“I’m the contest winner,” Helen blurts out realizing she should probably say something. The woman’s smile brightens, and suddenly Helen forgets all her worries and concerns about taking Rebecca’s place. The smile is professional but with maybe just maybe an edge of something else when she pockets her phone and starts walking towards her.

***

Aline spots the blonde entering the room and smiles, not out of professional courtesy but out of sudden, sharp interest. This woman is breathtaking with sharp features and soft eyes. Aline pockets her phone and walks towards her as she announces herself as the contest winner.

“You don’t look like the photo they sent me,” Aline says looking at the beautiful blonde in front of her. It’s not really the first thing she intended to say, she was just completely thrown by how beautiful this woman is. The blonde squints her eye and Aline panics worrying she might have just offended this goddess. “Not that that’s a bad thing, at all, you’re gorgeous, you just looked different in your photo.”

The blonde smiles shyly before speaking, “That’s because I’m not actually Rebecca Lewis, she’s my roommate, she got dumped recently and decided she hates New Year’s Eve so she bribed me to come in her place. She said she emailed you about it, I’m Helen Blackthorn.”

Aline reaches out a hand and introduces herself in kind. Helen’s hand is soft, the many skinny silver rings on different parts of her fingers are a cool touch against her skin. The handshake lasts a little longer than a handshake should, Aline smiling as she lets go.

She pulls her phone from her pocket opening her mailbox to find a ridiculous amount of unread emails. Down the line at the start of the day sits one from Rebecca Lewis stating she’d be sending a roommate in her place.

“Huh, there it is, it’s pretty busy day of the year for me it must have slipped past,” Aline shrugs pocketing her phone once again and looking back up at Helen with a beaming smile.

“That’s okay,” Helen says with a smile. “Sorry I’m late by the way.”

Aline shakes her head. “No worries, the actual party doesn’t start for about another 30 minutes I just wanted you here early to prep you for anything in case there were nerves about meeting Nick Jonas.”

Helen just snorts in response.

“Honestly, I don’t think I’ll have any sort of reaction to Nick Jonas,” she laughs.

Aline raises an eyebrow then gives Helen a subtle once over noticing her t-shirt, which gives her some unprofessional hopes that this girl likes girls.

“Too much of a lesbian Jesus fan to care?” she asks with a smirk.

Helen looks down at her shirt as if she’d forgotten what she was wearing and then lifts her eyes back up to Aline’s with a blush. A blush that is very promising. Aline should probably be having a moral crisis about wanting to flirt with this woman, but she’s not technically her client so it seems like a safe area to just go for it.

“Yeah, only second to my great bi leader Halsey,” Helen says and Aline tries to hold back her glee at the sexuality confirmation. “I also will definitely be more excited about meeting the mayor than anyone with the last name Jonas.”

Aline’s about to ask for further explanation when the Mayor’s assistant re-enters the room. From there it’s a flurry of prep and minor introductions. The mayor will be there in an hour or so and Helen seems mostly ready, if not a bit nervous to actually meet the mayor. It’s adorable and Aline is so glad she’s decided not to have a professional moral crisis about her attraction.

***

Helen listens to everything the mayor’s assistant and Aline tell her before the party starts. Trying desperately not to stare every time Aline makes any sort of movement. It all goes by in a rush after that. The party actually starts, she eats some fancy cheeses and snags a glass of wine happily.

Aline introduces her around once things start getting in full swing. Helen geeks out at every member of the city council she gets to encounter and even starts in on a rousing debate about city by-laws with a few of them that keeps her more than engaged for nearly an hour.

She meets the mayor and is literally stunned. She knows that she probably looks crazy like a super fan meeting their idol. She talks and talks and asks questions that he seems to happily welcome even though some of them are definitely a little critical of his policies. Their conversation is interrupted when the Jonas Brothers arrive and Aline pulls her away to do a quick meet and greet before they have to leave and make their way over to get stage ready.

They’re all three incredibly nice, but Helen could care less and she’s not a very good actor so they likely notice. She goes through the motions gets a picture with them and is more than happy when a few of the city council members ask for selfies as well allowing her to work her way back over to the mayor.

Even through her glee with discussing policy and politics with the mayor she finds her eyes always straying to Aline. She’s 99% sure Aline isn’t straight based on the once over she gave Helen that she just barely caught and the fact that she called Hayley Kiyoko lesbian Jesus. That alone is queer girl confirmation 101, it makes Helen’s little bi heart pitter patter happily. Aline’s flitting about the room, shaking hands and smiling bright, it’s clear she’s in a full professional mode handing out business cards and charming the pants off of everyone in the room.

Helen would quite literally like her to charm the pants off of her. It’s a wholly inappropriate thought that crosses her mind when she blatantly watches Aline bend over after dropping a napkin. She’s pretty sure Joe Jonas catches her doing so judging from his knowing smile. She may not have been too eager about meeting them, but damn does she respect at least one of them after he lets that slide.

It’s getting late, the sun fully set when the mayor excuses himself to take a phone call. Helen looks around, she’s been having a great time shockingly, but crowds aren’t her favorite thing and she suddenly needs a breather so she slips out in the hall finding a stairwell to give herself a moment.

***

Everything settles and Helen seems comfortable surrounded by local political leaders and less than enthused about the Jonas Brothers. They don’t seem to mind though which Aline respects; she respects even more that they all three requested her business card. She’d expected to schmooze some political minds tonight, three mainstream pop celebrities however could send her career skyrocketing.

She moves about the room in full work mode for a few hours, every now and then looking over at Helen and delighting in the smile on her face when she debates with city planners and mayoral assistants.

It’s hours later when she looks around and spots Helen slipping out of the room. Aline excuses herself from the conversation she’s in the middle of, sweeping past a table and grabbing two glasses of wine to trail after her.

She spots her in the little stairwell off to the side and softly smiles.

“I can’t believe you were more excited about the Mayor than the Jonas Brothers,” Aline teases when she steps up on the stairs behind her. “That’s so weird.”

“I’m a poly-sci grad student of course I’m more excited about the Mayor than the Jonas Brothers,” Helen defends with a smile as she looks over her shoulder. Aline makes an agreeing noise. That tracks with her glee over state versus national level laws when the subject had been lightly broached with the mayor before Aline had politely exited to the conversation to move about the room. The enthusiasm is cute.

“Mind if I sit?” she asks holding out the two glasses. Helen nods patting the steps beside her.

She settles on the step handing a glass over to Helen that she takes with a smile. They sit in comfortable silence for a bit just enjoying each other’s company. Behind her she can hear the rustle of the crowded room; she checks her watch knowing the mayor and everyone will make their leave soon enough.

It won’t be long after that that they make their way to Times Square, but Aline intends to take full advantage of the few scant moments of alone time they’ll have then and that they have now.

***

They sit for a bit just sipping their wine, both seemingly needing a break for a few quiet seconds. Helen chooses to break the silence after a while inquiring something that’s marveled her about the flirty Aline she first met and the absolute pro she’s watched flit around the party the last few hours.

“You don’t seem like a party planner until you go into full mode,” Helen says breaking the quiet. “No offence.”

Aline snorts and it’s far cuter than any snort has the right to be.

“None taken. It’s a family business,” she explains. “I wasn’t as into at first and definitely don’t put on the show like my mom does all the time, but then it turned out I had an eye for it and sort of fell in love.”

Helen hums taking a sip of her of her wine.

“You mentioned Edom Records earlier, why are you here if you’re also in charge of that event?” Helen enquires. There’s no way showing a random contest winner around and throwing her a party is anywhere near the same level of important as one of the hottest New Year’s Eve parties in the city.

“It practically runs itself once you have good talent in the kitchen and on the stage,” Aline shrugs. “Truthfully I’m only here because I fought for us to take on this job. Or at least that’s how it started; the company has turned out pretty nice.” Aline smiles and bumps her shoulder with an edge of flirtation.

“Why this party?” Helen says blushing and trying to ignore the second part.

“The mayor, I get him as an account for us on future events, then I get his friends and that means a raise or two for me which means more money for my savings to break off and start my own business,” Aline explains. “The Jonas Brothers were an unexpected bonus if they weren’t just being polite in taking my card.”

“Wow, so you want to break off from the family business then?” Aline seems so in her element in there she thinks there’s no doubt she could excel on her own.

Aline scoffs, “Like you wouldn’t believe. My mom, she’s great, but she wants everything done her way and her way can be very elite. I want to be able to do events that aren’t just for dudes with lined wallets. I want to be able to hire on help that might not find a job like this anywhere else and I want to be able to reach out to charity events that need a boost, things like that. I still want the guys with lined wallets, but I want to use the money I make off them to do other work for lower or non-existent rates.”

It’s a pretty incredible idea. A noble thing in a field that Helen wouldn’t expect such nobility to exist.

“What are you gonna call your business? I mean your last name is already taken.”

“I,” Aline starts and thinks for a moment. “Have no idea really. You any good at naming things?” She playfully pushes at Helen’s shoulder in question.

“Ha, no,” Helen barks out the laugh and admits. “We had three dogs growing up and as the oldest I always ended up naming them, they were all named Spot.”

“Helen, Spot? That’s the most basic dog name in the world, did they even have spots?” Aline laughs.

“Two of them did,” she defends. “The third was plain white, poor little guy got a lot of questions.”

Aline chuckles at that taking another sip of her wine before she speaks.

“It’s pretty nice of you to fill in for your friend by the way,” Aline says. “Most people would have forced them to get it together to go.”

Helen shrugs, they tried that. It failed.

“She’s not really heartbroken or anything, she’s just stubborn as hell, so even though I expected this to be a bore frankly, I fell for her sways,” she explains then adds on to make Aline feel certain. “I am however having a great time, so no regrets.”

Aline smiles finishing off her wine and sitting the glass to the side on the steps.

“I’m glad you’re having a nice time,” she says. “And no offence to your friend who I’m sure is lovely, but I’m glad it’s you that came here tonight.”

Helen finishes off her wine as well and turns to face Aline. She’s suddenly a lot closer than she had been a moment ago, just a few inches of space between them. For a second Helen contemplates moving her hands from her lap to settle one atop Aline’s on the step. Aline looks a lot like she wants her to do just that.

But before she can move a booming voice sounds behind them and they shift apart at the sound.

“Excuse us ladies,” the Jonas Brothers large imposing security guard says as they all file in behind him. Helen and Aline both stand smiling at each other quickly and brushing off the moment. The Jonas Brothers ease by them saying their goodbyes and nice to meet you’s, but Helen barely notices instead watching Aline’s striking profile in the low-lit stairwell wondering just what could have happened had the moment not been broken.

***

They head back into the party after the Jonas Brother sized interruption, Aline keeping a safe distance between them after that charged moment. The mayor leaves and most of the other local politicians do as well and Aline can tell Helen’s bored, but also more at ease. Clearly she’s not a big crowd person, which has Aline worried a bit about the actual Times Square portion of the evening.

They gather their coats following two burly security guards and a driver twice their size out to the street where they’re taken to a small vehicle that can work its way safely through the crowds.

They get in and after a while Aline starts to worry. Helen’s getting more and more quiet as the minutes pass their light talk tensing into silence that seems more about the situation than overthinking about their moment in the stairwell.

“You okay?” Aline asks bravely reaching out to take Helen’s hand in hers.

Helen squeezes her hand in response with a shaky smile. They reach as far as the car can go and the two security guards ready to part the crowds with their behemoth size and get them to where they need to be. Helen freezes as soon as they step out of the vehicle, seemingly frozen in place.

Aline gives the security guards a look that they perceive correctly pushing up enough space so that there’s good distance between the crowd line and where Helen stands. Helen’s looking around a little frantically like the reality of this crowd and the fact she’s going to have to move through it a bit is suddenly hitting her.

Aline could try and talk her down, tell her it’s going to be okay, but she knows that if Helen gets panicked enough no words are going to help this situation. She likes this woman; she doesn’t want to put her in a situation that’ll put her in bad headspace. So, she takes a leap and makes an offer.

“You wanna get out of here?” Aline asks hand gliding up and down Helen’s arms in a soothing manner. This contest is a wash. The actual winner isn’t here and despite seeming into it earlier in the day Helen is now freaking out about the crowd. She already met the Jonas Brother’s and the Mayor and geeked out about politics; that can count as her contest winning prize.

“You can’t just leave, the Mayor and everything,” Helen says with a shake of her head. “I’ll be fine.”

Aline immediately starts shaking her head. “You don’t have to do this and clearly don’t actually want to. Technically my job here is finished. The party and showing you around was my job; the ball drop is more in Ryan Seacrest’s hands than anyone else’s and I’m fairly certain that a pack of five grown men can handle pressing a button. As for the Mayor I’ve done my part I schmoozed and he already sent his wife my info, I’m in the door and a good handful of other doors as well, so don’t worry about that.”

Her hands find Helen’s gripping them tight. “So, in a completely non-leading, just caring about your comfort kind of way, do you want to get out of here?”

Helen releases a breath Aline’s fairly certain she’s been holding far too long, a shy smile gracing her pretty pink lips.

“Where are we going?”

Aline beams tugging Helen past the crowd slowly moving onto the more breathable side streets. She gets one of the guard’s attention making her way back to where they came from. The vehicle has already left, but the guard happily guides them through the crowd making a path and getting them safely outside of the Times Square hot zone. She holds Helen’s hand tight ensuring they don’t get separated the entire time.

When they finally reach the freer, but still buzzing streets the guard nods to them and heads back with instructions from Aline to tell the mayor there was a personal emergency that he needs not worry about.

“I know a pretty great party a few blocks away, that has some great music and damn good food. I bet we can make it there before midnight,” Aline says turning to Helen. People bustle around them a few uncaringly bumping into her as she speaks. Thank you New York. “Unless you just want to go home.”

“No,” Helen says quickly, maybe a little quicker than she intended judging from the blush on her cheeks. She seems calmer now, comforted by the normal bustle of a New York street. “I want to go with you, a party sounds fun.”

Aline nods taking her hand once again and guiding her through the streets.

***

Helen’s fears slip away in crashing waves the further they get away from Times Square. The normal bustle of a New York street is oddly comforting to her as is Aline’s hand in hers. She can’t quite believe Aline just ditched it all for her, to make her feel comfortable and is now taking her to one of the hottest parties in the world.

They walk quietly all the way to the Edom Records party Aline clearly giving her the room to get back to ease. The mental space, but close physical comfort of their entangled hands makes Helen’s quick growing crush grow even stronger.

They get into the Edom party easily Aline being recognized by the man at the door instantly. Aline sadly informs her they missed dinner, but dessert is being served shortly. By the time they shed their coats, Helen’s at the same ease she’d been at when the first party had begun.

Aline takes her hand again pulling her into the main hall and Helen is floored. The space is gorgeous and open, if the party for her had looked beautiful this is an entirely different level.

“Wow,” Helen whispers uncertain Aline can hear over the music.

Aline smirks over her shoulder, confident and breezy. She definitely heard her. Magnus Bane is performing on stage and Helen is a little floored by how good he sounds live. Magnus Bane who Aline evidently knows.

“He’s dating my best friend, sort of, it’s complicated,” she shrugs as she plucks two glasses of champagne off of a waiter’s passing tray. She hands one out to Helen. “You feel better now?”

Helen nods, “Definitely. Thank you for that back there, usually a few glasses of wine would take off the edge of crowd worry, but I guess it didn’t work tonight.”

Aline nods in understanding, “It’s no problem. Times Square crowds are a whole lot bigger than a packed club or something of that nature.” She pauses for a second seemingly debating her next words. “Plus, just us at midnight and not on national television could be pretty nice.”

Helen takes in a sharp breath at the layered meaning of that. Midnight means kisses and the concept of kisses with Aline sends her mind into overdrive.

“To us?” Helen says feeling a little bold with Aline’s more blatant flirtations coming out now. She holds out her glass.

Aline smiles reaching out her own glass and tipping it against Helen’s.

“To us.”

***

They finish their glasses of champagne and Aline holds out a hand for Helen offering a dance that she shyly accepts. The songs go quiet after a while Magnus singing a sweet acoustic track Aline instantly recognizes. She and Helen are taking a dance break just listening to the slow beat. Aline looks around and spots Alec across the room frozen in time as he listens to the song he’s been avoiding for months.

A small smile comes across her lips and she hopes on everything her best friend doesn’t run away from this. Magnus is pouring every emotion into every line and she hopes Alec recognizes every breath is for him.

She casts a sideways glance to Helen watching as she looks at the stage swaying lightly to the song. Helen turns her head catching Aline’s eye. She looks like she’s about to turn away but instead holds the eye contact until the song comes to a close. The boisterous clapping from the room breaks the moment and quickly both of them are standing clapping along with the rest of the crowd.

A DJ takes over and the room starts to spread out a bit more, chatter all around as waiters make their way around with plates of gorgeously designed cupcakes.

They each snatch two cupcakes off a passing waiter’s tray, two strawberry for Aline. One strawberry and one chocolate for Helen.

“Is this the best cupcake I’ve ever tasted or am I just way hungrier than I realized?” Aline asks after the first bite, ready to propose marriage to the cupcake in her hand.

“Definitely the best cupcake,” Helen says as they both polish of their first ones quickly. Aline already half done with her second by the time Helen is biting in to her chocolate one.

“Oh wow,” Helen says taking a bit from her second cupcake making an almost orgasmic sound that nearly knocks Aline off her feet. “You really should have gotten a chocolate one too, even better than the strawberry.”

Aline shakes her head trying to ignore the way that sound affected her.

“No way,” she scoffs ignoring the pit of want in her stomach.

Helen proceeds to shove the rest of the cupcake in her mouth and it shouldn’t be cute with crumbs flinging everywhere, but somehow it is. She brushes her hands off to the side, grabbing another flute of champagne as a waiter passes by and drinks down half of it before handing the other half to Aline. She tosses it back before holding out a hand.

“Thirty minutes till midnight,” she says hoping the thirty minutes will allow her the chance to build up the courage to kiss Helen. That blatant stare they had minutes ago tells her this is definitely a mutual feeling, just one of them needs to make the first move and she’s betting it needs to be her. “Let’s keep dancing.”

Helen takes her hand smiling as she pulls her in close on the dance floor.

#heline #heline fic #shadowhunters #helen blackthorn #aline penhallow #shadowhunters fic

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comicteaparty · 4 years

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April 11th-April 17th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from April 11th, 2020 to April 17th, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

What sort of analytics/stats do you track for your comic/story and why?

Deo101 [Millennium]

I prefer to track trends instead of stats, and for views mostly. I like to make mental notes the differences certain things make. I don't really like to think of comments and likes as stats, even though they might count. I prefer just to look to views for trends, and honestly I check kind of rarely because otherwise I get a bit invested in them. If I'm only looking at views once a month it's a simple transaction of time and effort versus something I might delude myself into thinking I have control over.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I use the Jetpack plugin for Wordpress stats. Nice graphs and basic data -- how many hits, where readers are coming from, what pages get the most traffic. But it has limits...like, here's the graph of hits over the last month, there's clearly a big jump in the past week, and I have no idea why?

There aren't any referral links that are generating a ton of new visitors -- unless it's a link from somewhere the plugin can't track. I don't know if it's a bunch of new readers arriving and reading bits at a time, or a small number of readers going through the entire archive very quickly. Or maybe a bunch of existing readers felt like it was time to re-binge the backlog? Maybe it's from people in lockdown who are all going through their "comics to read" bookmarks at the same time? Could be basically anything.

I also keep an eye on php script executions, because my hosting company limits those the way other places limit bandwidth. There's some "running automatically without doing anything essential" Wordpress scripts that I've found and disabled to keep the stats down, that I wouldn't even know existed if I didn't have to pay attention to it.

Oh, and ads -- I try to keep coming up with new banners for comicad.net, and then watch their stats and retire the ones that get the lowest click-through rate.

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

I‘m currently not tracking anything yet, because right now it would only serve to make me nerveous. It‘ll change as soon as I get around to advertising, I think.

Deo101 [Millennium]

It might be good to track a bit before adverising as well, though, so you can see how much a difference advertising makes for you? I get it being nerve wracking though

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

You‘re right, of course, but before I stopped tracking the majority of visits to my side are my own for testing purposes, and that‘s just de-motivating. I started at basically zero, because I have no pre-build social media presence.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Ahhhh yeah. It's never easy to see your stats before they've gotten where you want them

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

I also use Jetpack, but I don't track things too heavily. But I do like seeing how site views spike when I share something on social media. I've been meaning to get a proper subscription service set up on my site - haven't made one yet. Tracking subscribers will be something concrete I can also do. As long as I see an upward trend while I'm not on hiatus, I'm happy.

AntiBunny

I haven't even bothered installing analytics since I moved my comic.

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I don't really track anything except Twitter posts, I'm not very good at computer

kayotics

I track through google analytics. It’s used by the marketing agency I work for and easy to install, so I trust it. It’s a bit complicated to look at if you’re not sure what it’s saying, but it’s very robust. I usually just see if there’s an uptick in new users at all, and if there is, I try to see where they’re coming from. Google analytics is great for identifying where people are being referred from

Then in combination with that, I check page views to just see if they’re new users who have never read before, so there’s a big jump in page views if they are.

Phin (Heirs of the Veil)

I use jetpack and google analystics but I really try to not look at analytics TOO much

Eilidh (Lady Changeling)

I upload to ComicFury, which has built in analytics, but I don't really use them for anything too much. I try not to check them honestly, it gets me obsessive otherwise

Capitania do Azar

I use the jetpack ones and it's nice to see spikes when someone is going through the archive @Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn) you have a lot more pages than I do, so maybe it's hard to check and especially if you're getting a lot of views per day, but usually I can tell if someone is doing an archive binge when I see many individual pages in the hits, but each one has only 1 or 2 views

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I just recently figured out how to look at my website analytics

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

How is the best way to look at your site analytics? I usually see viewer and subs on the main Webtoon or Tapas. I've been considering getting a personal site

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

My site hosting has a page for it in the control panel

varethane

I put google analytics on my personal site, so I can see that data

I dont check it much though lol

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

With Wordpress/Jetpack, it looks like the "top viewed posts" list only displays the top 500 -- so yeah, if someone does a whole archive binge, they'd hit hundreds of pages more than can fit in the pageview stats.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I did just check and see that a lot of pages from the Volume 1 storylines got 5-7 views apiece in the past week! Hopefully some of those are new readers who'll stick around through the rest of it

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I'm trying to find a method of scripting and I found one that works for me atm. I'm drawing scenes and writing outline as I draw. So that they match in sync with each other. My brain tend to go in different directions if I focus only on writing. I hope I can finally aline my mind story with my art scripting.

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #comic tea party #ctp #creator interview #comic creator interview #creator babble

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thechangeling · 4 years

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The Fall

This is a one shot I wrote about my OC Gianna Blackthorn-Rosales, one of Kierarktina's kids. Full disclosure, I don't have bipolar, but I do suffer from depression and I did some research to fill in the blanks. Thank you to Halima and Ellie from helping me with the Spanish.

Tw for Depression and suicidal thoughts.

When Gianna woke up, she felt as though she was under water. Her limbs were heavy as if they were weighted down with led. Her alarm was blaring from her phone with zero sympathy. Gianna groaned and fumbled around for her phone to turn it off.

Shit. She felt like absolute garbage. Everything hurt. Everything felt hallow and empty like a great big hole had been carved out of her chest. Mornings were never fun, but today especially sucked. The idea of moving to get up, or even keeping her eyes open felt like absolute torture.

Gigi had recently come down from a manic episode and now she was sinking, unable to stay afloat. Not that she even really wanted to. Not right now at least.

That's when she remembered. Today was test day. Of fucking course. Testing day was when every shadowhunter under 18 had to undergo a series of skill tests, with weapons and also hand to hand combat. They were given scores based on how well they did and then those scores then were sent back to the Clave.

Of course it had to be today of all days. That was the problem with mental illness. It didn't care if you had a schedule to keep or things you needed to do. It just bulldozed it's way through your life, screwing everything up and then leaving you to clean up the mess.

Gianna grabbed her phone and typed out a quick message to her brother Nico.

I'm sick today, tell mama I can't do it.

Her therapist would tell her that avoidance wasn't healthy, but she would argue that sleeping right now was definitely the best thing for her. Unfortunately in fights such as these, the professionals usually won.

Gianna felt guilt and shame start to trickle in, greeting her like old friends. You're pathetic. You're a pitiful excuse for a shadowhunter. That's what everyone else is thinking and they're right. You're worthless. Everyone would be better of if you were gone.

Her phone vibrated next to her with a text from Nico. Gianna picked it up, already knowing what it would say.

Shadowhunters don't get sick. No one will buy it. Come on Gigi you need to try. He wrote.

Gianna fought the urge to scream. Try? Like she wasn't trying? Did they all think she was pulling this crap on purpose for shits and giggles? She was really getting sick of most people.

She was sick of her parents, sick of her siblings, sick of her cousins Ellie and Anthony even though they didn't get to see each other very often.

She was even sick of Anabla. Which made Gianna very scared. She loved her girlfriend but sometimes everything just became too overwhelming. Her father was always busy running his kingdom and whenever she went to Unseelie, many people always made it very clear that she was not welcome. Her father didn't even really understand how mental illness worked, but then again neither did her mama and papa.

Shadowhunters weren't supposed to be sick and neither were faeries.

Suddenly there was a banging on her door. "Gianna!" She heard her mother's voice on the other side of the door "¿Qué esta pasando?"

Gianna shut her eyes. Maybe if she pretended to be asleep her mama would leave her alone. It was unlikely but still. Her mother pounded on the door again. "Alleya!" She shouted angrily.

Well fuck. That was never good. As soon as her mother used Gianna's fae name, it meant that she was in big trouble.

"Ok yeah I'm coming!" She yelled back. Gianna took a deep breath and pulled herself to her feet.

I can do this. She thought to herself. It's gonna be ok. Just get though this then you can go back to bed.

She put on her gear and began to braid her hair into a faerie style. It was a personal tradition of Gianna's, to braid her hair like a faerie and pull it back so that her pointy ears were exposed whenever she had an offical shadowhunter event of some kind.

Outside she could hear the sounds of Shadowhunters arriving at The New York Institute by portal. Gianna and her family had slept over at the institute so they wouldn't have to travel. She could instantly hear the cheerful loud voices of her cousins, as well as her aunts and uncles greeting each other.

One big happy family.

Gianna could feel the aches in her muscles as if she was sore from a good work out. Getting through testing would be absolute hell.

But she would do it. She grabbed her bow from it's hook on her bedroom wall as well as her quiver of arrows, and marched outside to meet her fate.

The wave of liveliness hit Gianna like a truck. There were older shadowhunters gossiping and catching up with one another, while teenagers and kids of all ages darted excitedly around each other gathering their weapons and gear. She noticed her mama and papa talking with her tías, Helen and Aline. Nico was being bombarded by hugs from their tìo Jules and tìa Emma. Even though they were all on her papa's side of the family, her mama had no siblings. In fact she didnt have any family she was in constant contact with since they were all in Mexico. So at her mama's request, Gianna called all of her papa's siblings tía or tío as a way to keep her connected to her culture.

As for her father's side of the family, it was basically just a long string of "these people want me dead", so nobody was getting any names of any kind.

Then there was Kit and Ty, who Gianna called by their first names because they were so close. She had always felt better connected to them for some reason.

Speaking of.

She spotted them over by the corner if the room. Ty had his headphones on and Kit was hugging-

Oh great.

She was here.

Mina freaking Carstairs.

Wonderful.

Which begged the question, what was she doing here exactly? She was 18. She was supposed to be done with these sorts of tests.

Gianna watched as perfect Mina rushed over to great a screaming Ellie, who was her Parabatai, and Anthony and that was when it dawned on her. Right. Of course.

Mina had come to watch them.

The perfect supportive friend and Parabatai. Always smiling. Always ever so sweet and polite.

Yeah Gianna really wasn't a fan.

Nico would tell her that she was being irrational, and she probably was. But Mina Carstairs had always looked down on her with that familiar expression of pity and disgust.

It might have had something to do with the time Gianna had tried to steal Church during one of her manic episodes. Or the time when she woke Mina and Ellie up by blasting heavy metal at three in the morning while making brownies at the LA institute.

In her defense, she couldn't sleep.

Gianna knew lots of people always assumed she was doing these things on purpose. Like she was purposefully trying to sabotage everything in her life. That was probably one of the most irritating things about having a mental illness, being blamed for the things that you had no control over.

Being held to neurotypical standards was also shitty.

"You look like you're about keel over and die on us" said a voice at her shoulder.

Gianna whipped around and breathed a sigh of relief.

Magnus.

Gianna couldn't quite managed a smile, but she instantly flung her arms around him in a hug which he returned.

"Hey there little shadowfae" he cooed. It was the nickname he had for her ever since she was a kid. "Are you taking your meds?" He asked her with his head still resting on her shoulder.

Gianna groaned, lightly pushing him away. "Why can't you just greet me like a normal person? What ever happened to, "How are you?" Or, "What great weather we've been having lately!" She rolled her eyes.

Magnus looked sympathetic as he placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "I'm sorry Gigi. I'm just worried about you." He said softly.

Magnys was essentially the one who had jumpstarted her treatment, the same way he did with Thaís. He contacted Caterina, who contacted a doctor with the sight to get Gianna diagnosed, on medication and into counseling.

Her therapist was actually half Unseelie, half mundane. She was fairly sweet, and she and Gianna got along pretty well. It could have been a lot worse.

Gianna nodded, "Yeah I know. I am." She protested.

That was mostly true, although there was one week when she had gone to Unseelie to visit Anabla and forgotten to bring her meds with her. She was paying for that now.

"Everyone! Could I have your attention please!" They were interrupted by the voice of the consul. Alec Lightwood-Bane was standing in the middle of the room. Several members of the council were standing with him. "We will begin testing in five minutes! If all of the perticipents could please make their way down to the institute's training room. Thank you."

Magnus caught Alec's eye and smiled at him from across the room. He then sighed and squeezed Gianna's shoulder again. "Well. I should go join my husband" he said matter of factly. "Good luck little one."

Gianna managed a small smile. "Thanks Mags."

Gianna stood in place for awhile, willing herself to move. People passed by around her like waves moving around a bolder. No one played her a second glance, not her cousins, and certainly not Mina Carstairs. Her parents were probably busy with Nico.

The living room filtered out and then she was alone. Standing in the middle of the room with a bow in her hand.

See. The voice told her. You're all alone. You're always alone. No one really cares about you.

She tried to protest, tried to fight it but she was just too tired. And there was that old familiar feeling again. A feeling beyond exhaustion, beyond despair, and beyond hopelessness.

Inevitability.

The feeling that at the end of the day this is all that you are, and all you ever will be.

And there's nothing that can change that.

#tsc #tda #twp #kierarktina #kierarktina children #my oc #kaitlin'swriting

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writing-in-verse · 5 years

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The Birds and The Bees (and The Blackthorns) Part One

Well, it’s finally here! This is a collaboration with @ti-bae-rius and will come in five parts! I recommend looking at Lauryn’s headcanon list which this fic was inspired by.

I hope you enjoy, I’ll be releasing each part one after of the other.

The Los Angeles desert was always cold in the evening, and cooled even further as the night settled in, but that wasn’t why Tiberius Blackthorn had goosebumps as he stood on the steps of the LA Institute. He gazed out to the beach, watching two forms embrace, completely unaware of the encroaching tide soaking their feet. Emma and Julian had been friends for as long as Ty could remember and when they became parabatai everyone thought it was the logical step. A couple of people, in hushed voices when they didn’t think anyone was listening, said that they always knew Julian and Emma were in love. That’s what everyone said; Julian and Emma are in love. Parabatai weren’t allowed to fall in love, but their bond was broken so now they could, a rare exception to the otherwise concrete rule.

Ty just watched them, clenching and unclenching his hands, and thought about Kit. They’d spoken to each other about their relationship, and Kit had asked Ty not to tell anyone yet, that he wasn’t ready for people to know until he could handle what people might think. Livvy knew though, and had told Ty she thought Kit was right, that they should be careful in case the wrong people found out. But people had said being in love with your parabatai was wrong, wrong enough that Ty had never heard of it happening until Emma and Julian, but people were happy for them. Ty just couldn’t see what was wrong, why people wouldn’t be okay with him and Kit dating. Ty turned and headed inside the Institute to do what he always did when he didn’t understand: he went to find Livvy.

The recent war with the Cohort had shaken everyone, but no more than the Blackthorns who had almost lost Livvy in the Hall of Accords. Ty didn’t remember much, just recalled seeing Livvy’s blood on the tiles. Everything else was lost to him. When he woke up, he expected to see ashen faces and people figuring out how to tell him his sister was no longer alive, but instead he opened his eyes to his sister’s pale but breathing form in the bed opposite. No one even noticed he was awake, not even Kit, until he’d shot across the divide between him and his sister, nestling himself carefully under the covers. Julian wanted to fuss, make sure they were both doing okay, but Ty only wanted to be near Livvy and eventually they all left quietly.

Ty was brought out of his reverie as he passed the room belonging to the one boy who had ever captured his attention. He could remember all the nights laid outside Kit’s door, reading and listening, hoping Kit would come to like him. Eventually he and Ty became inseparable, talking long into the night, until Kit said he could sleep on his floor if he wasn’t going to sleep in his own room. This usually resulted in them talking more and sleeping less, but Ty didn’t mind; Kit was one of the few people he liked. He remembered one night, just after they came back from Alicante, where Ty could feel the floor digging in and the lamp on the bedside table was so bright that even his hands couldn’t shield him. His vision was swimming, a vice-like grip settling around his chest. He could even hear the near-silent step of the Shadowhunter dropping down next to him. Then there was a warm softness wrapping around him, pulling him to his feet and into comfort, the safety of fabrics enveloping him. Slowly, the intensity of the world around him began to lessen, the lamp returned to its dim glow and the mattress started to feel less like a bed of nails. The buzzing and creaking faded until the only sound Ty could hear was Kit’s voice as he murmured “It’s okay” into the back of Ty’s head, his breath warm on his neck. Ty shuffled around until he was facing the other boy, their eyes locked together for just a moment before Ty averted his gaze.

“Thank you,” Ty said quietly.

“You can stay here tonight, and any other night you want,” Kit replied gently. “If you need me, or somewhere to stay, just come in. You don’t have to knock or ask or anything; I’ll never turn you away, Ty.”

That was weeks ago and as Ty stood staring at the door, he felt a tug in his chest, willing him toward the safety and comfort of Kit Herondale. With some difficulty he resisted the impulse and walked on to his sister’s room, his step silent and dragging with the effort of walking away from his sanctuary. He only had to travel a short distance before he was standing outside Livvy’s door. He took a deep breath, preparing himself for the conversation ahead, and knocked quietly before opening the door and heading inside. Livvy was sat up in bed, covered waist down in her quilt, her cheeks flushed, and both hands clutched her phone as she stared intensely at whatever was on the screen.

“Hey, Livvy.”

Livvy yelped, throwing her phone across the room.

“Ty! Sorry, I didn’t expect you to come in; you’re usually with Kit,” she explained, going to retrieve her phone from the end of the room. She picked it up, frowned slightly at the scuffed case, checking the bumble bee that fit into the bitten apple logo wasn’t scratched. She straightened up suddenly, connecting the dots. “Ty? Is everything okay with you and Kit?” She turned and gave her brother a worried look.

“Why? Has Kit said something to you? Is he okay?” Ty suddenly looked alarmed, his hands starting to flap as he looked around wildly as if the answer to all his worries was somewhere in this room.

“Ty, no. That’s not what I meant; Kit hasn’t said anything to me. He’s fine. I mean why aren’t you with Kit right now? It’s…” She checked the time on her phone, giving the screen a last glance over to check for cracks, finding none. “It’s almost nine, this is when you and Kit spend the rest of the night together. Are you okay? Is there something you want to talk about?” she asked, trying to make him calm and focused again.

“Why is everyone okay with Julian and Emma dating, but I have to keep me dating Kit a secret?” Ty was looking somewhere to the left of Livvy, his voice full of frustration. “I know you and Kit said to keep how close we were a secret, but Julian and Emma were parabatai and they were in love all that time, and now their bond is broken they can be in love. Kit and I aren’t parabatai, we aren’t breaking any laws by going out. So why can’t I tell people I like Kit?”

There was tension in Ty’s shoulders. He knew what he wanted, but he couldn’t figure out why both Livvy and Kit didn’t feel the same way.

“Ty, listen,” Livvy said slowly, trying to figure out the best way to explain what was happening. “Julian and Emma’s relationship is different to yours and Kit’s. You and Kit are both boys, and you’re right that there isn’t a law against it, but there are people who do not like it.”

“Why? What’s the difference? Helen and Aline are both girls, and Alec’s the new Consul plus he just married Magnus Bane. Why doesn’t Kit want to tell people? Am I doing something wrong?”

Livvy could see Ty was getting more agitated and couldn’t bear it. She wanted Ty to be happy, but she needed him to understand. She sat on the edge of her bed and patted the space next to her. “Come sit down.”

Ty walked over and sat down, leaning into Livvy almost instinctively.

“Do you know why Julian taught you how to act in front of the Clave?”

“Yes,” he replied. “Because he didn’t want the Clave to see I…I was different.”

“Close; he was trying to protect you from people who don’t like different. This is kind of why Kit doesn’t want to tell anyone. He’s scared of what people who don’t know him – or you – might think. Do you understand?” she asked, wondering if she was making any sense. It didn’t make sense – of course it didn’t. Ty thought logically, and homophobia wasn’t logical, so no wonder Ty was confused. It wasn’t fair, Livvy thought. He deserved everything he wanted. He deserved people who didn’t care his brain was different, that he wasn’t straight. It wasn’t fair, Livvy thought. Ty had accepted there were things about himself he needed to hide for years, and that was partially on Julian. Livvy understood why he’d kept them separate, knew it was to keep Ty safe and that there wasn’t really any choice. However, that meant Ty was used to hiding things. He shouldn’t have to hide another thing, especially not this.

“I think so. I just like Kit a lot, and when I saw Emma and Julian being so happy together, I wanted to be that happy with Kit.” Ty had relaxed considerably, and absently took hold of Livvy’s hand which gave him a feeling of comfort when facing new feelings. “The thing is, I don’t know if I even want the others to know yet. I just know I want to kiss Kit on the beach with the sun setting and tide coming in. They looked so peaceful, and Kit should feel that too.” Ty waited for Livvy to reply in that calm and ever-patient voice, but there was only quiet. After a moment he looked at her and saw stifling tears, hiding a sob that seemed to want to break from her throat. “Did I say something wrong?” Ty asked, feeling suddenly worried he’d upset his sister.

“No, Ty-Ty, you haven’t done anything wrong,” she said, her voice shaking slightly. “I love you, Ty. Kit is very lucky to have you.”

Ty said nothing to that, just looked away but Livvy could see the small smile on his lips. She put her arms around him, pulling him into an embrace, and Ty hugged her back. They stayed there for a moment, quietly assuring the other of their love, until Livvy slowly retracted her arms and stood up.

“I need to go speak to Dru. You’re welcome to stay here if you want, but I don’t mind if you go stay with Kit, okay?”

“Okay” was all he said as he grabbed a book, a Sherlock Holmes anthology, that had been left in Livvy’s room for occasions when needed something familiar. Livvy smiled to herself as she backed out of the room and closed the door quietly, glad her brother was seemingly happy with their talk - at least for the moment. When the door was closed she leant against the wall next to the frame, closing her eyes for a moment and taking a deep breath, before she set off in search of her younger sister.

#tsc #tda #kit herondale #Ty Blackthorn #kitty #livvy blackthorn #dru blackthorn #julian blackthorn #tavvy blackthorn #emma carstairs

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