#really just genuinely very happy i got to hang out with him today and last wednesday | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chelseeebe · 7 months

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promise.

eddie knows about covering bruises and pretending to be fine all too well. but can he save the one woman he thinks he’s ever loved?

a/n: ok i’ve been a bit shit the last few weeks and this is genuinely the only thing i could conjure up but forewarning, it is sad and it does mention some pretty heavy topics that i know aren’t for everyone so i completely understand if u don’t want to read! my adhd riddled brain has already started a part two which does have a happy ending

title based on promise - ben howard i just thought it was a really lovely song and fits well with part two

read part two here.

18+. mdni! mentions of domestic violence, not explicitly described but the injuries are there and it is referred to multiple times throughout (eddie is not the perpetrator). smut. v much hurt/no comfort but not for long.

⋆˙⟡♡⟡⋆˙

eddie is positively wrecked.

who would have ever guessed working in a shoddy, run-down bar would be so fucking tiring?

graham had said that if he picked up a few shifts at the hideout a week, then corroded coffin could play once a month. a guaranteed slot and he got paid? this was like heaven to him.

he just hadn’t expected the little bar to be so exhausting. he supposes that his lack of work experience and the fact he was used to doing sweet fuck all most of the time was to blame. that’s not his fault. not really. after finally graduating high school a year or so ago, he just hadn’t found any work in the tiny town.

on one particularly boring mid-week shift, eddie’s sat behind the bar doodling on the back of an old receipt, tapping his foot along to the kiss tune playing on the stereo. wouldn’t be his first choice but he’s not complaining.

‘you coming for a smoke?’ you exclaim suddenly, causing his head to jolt up, running the biro over his shitty drawing, ruining it completely.

‘uh.. then who would be on the bar?’ he utters, quickly hiding the doodle before you could judge it. not that he thinks you would, but just in case.

‘eddie, it’s dead,’ you say flatly, looking around at the empty tables.

truth be told, he hadn’t seen another soul bar from you and graham since he’d arrived which was odd for a thursday. assuming that the usual bums that lined the dusty old stools were otherwise engaged today. that or they just hadn’t been paid yet.

‘oh.. yeah, okay,’ he nods, hopping down from the stool and grabbing his jacket. you’re already gone, bounding off down the hall to the fire exit you all used for smoke breaks.

eddie’s still fairly new and very rarely got invited on the group breaks. which was fine, he just wished that you’d all take it in turns so that he could smoke too. he gets it though, like he talks enough but yet not enough to really make friends with any of you.

you’re leaning back against the brick wall, cigarette hanging from your lips, ‘you got a lighter?’

it’s not like he’d been staring or thought about it that much, but he’d noticed how breathtakingly beautiful you were on his second shift. okay, maybe that’s a lie. he’d thought about it a lot. but anyway, he’d been utterly in awe at the way you handled the drunks, brushed off their creepy comments and stood your ground no matter how angry or persistent they were being. he admired that and just wished that he had even a smidgen of the confidence you had.

he fumbles in his pocket for the lighter, clumsily handing it over before getting his own pack out. it feels wrong to look you in the eye, god that sounded pathetic. you were older, far cooler than he was and positively stunning. if he remembers correctly, you must’ve been a couple grades above him at school but had left long before he graduated.

‘thanks,’ passing the lighter back to him, fingers ever so slightly brushing against his. it’s like electricity sparks through his veins.

he really needs to get a grip.

‘you enjoyin’ it here?’ you ask, eyes intimidating as they bore into his.

‘it’s okay.. tiring though,’ he shrugs, trying his hardest to maintain eye contact despite his inability to look pretty girls in the eye.

‘yeah.. you’ll get used to it,’ you chuckle, the smoke flowing out of your lips perfectly. he’s so pathetically down bad for you and you have literally no idea.

‘how long have you worked here?’ longing to keep the conversation flowing.

‘shit.. too long,’ chuckling as you take another drag. eddie could listen to that sound all day. ‘i think i was eighteen when i started so..’ pretending to count on your fingers, ‘six years?’

eddie blows the air out of cheeks, he’s probably be in a similar position if he’d have just graduated when he was supposed to so he can’t exactly pass judgement.

‘i think we went to school together, i mean, you were a couple grades above me but i remember you,’ hoping that that didn’t sound as creepy out loud like it did in his head.

‘oh shit, really?’ your eyes narrow, trying to place him though it’s obviously not going to happen, ‘i don’t remember you.. i’m so sorry,’ playfully hitting his arm.

the connection is enough to keep his delusions going for at least another month.

‘it’s fine, didn’t think you would,’ not many people did to be honest. he tosses his cigarette into the overflowing makeshift ashtray, waiting for you to lead the way back inside.

‘hey, it was a long time ago, i’m old now!’ you joke, walking back through the dim hall back to the bar. he tries his hardest not to let his gaze slip to you ass but he swears it’s only for a second.

the bar’s still dead, the stereo now blaring out some madonna tune he hated.

‘ugh.. turn this one off,’ he mutters, mostly to himself as he repositions himself back on his perch.

‘what?’

‘i hate this song.’

your jaw drops in faux-offence, ‘i made this mixtape you asshole,’ going to shove him off of the stool, ‘i can’t believe you can’t drop the cool guy act for one second to appreciate some madonna,’ laughing as you start collecting glasses.

his frown turns into an immediate grin, begging for your forgiveness as he starts to bop his head along to the beat. it’s not like anyone would see him and hell, even if they did, he didn’t care. not if it made you smile.

‘holy fuck, you been fightin’ with the door again?’ james remarks, pulling eddie’s eyes from his paper to spot you rushing into the bar.

your head is ducked, flashing the older man your middle finger, disappearing into the back before eddie can properly get a glimpse of your face.

but he knows.

there’d been a handful of times that you’d come in wearing a massive sweater instead of your usual low-cut tops and when you reached for something high up, the sleeve would reveal just enough for him to see the dark blue marks on your wrist.

he’d never been sure, not until now. but his stomach drops the second his brain puts two and two together.

ditching the paper and that asshole james behind the bar to slink off into the back, approaching the tiny staff room with the upmost caution. it’d never be wise to start throwing accusations around but he’s not stupid. eddie had watching his mom go through the exact same shit for years. knew all the tricks in the book to cover up bruises, cried his heart out every time his mom went back to his asshole dad.

only god knows how many times he’d planned out his fathers death. anger brimming in his tiny body the second he heard raised voices.

he knocks gently on the door, watching as you hurriedly wipe the makeup onto your eye. it’s not doing much, in fact, it’s not doing anything at all. the purple shining through undeniably.

‘you okay?’ practically whispering as he enters the room, knocking the door shut behind him. james’ comment had meant that this obviously wasn’t the first time you’d come into work with such horrid markings.

you sigh, giving up on attempting to cover it, slamming the metallic compact back into your locker. ‘i’m okay.. i’m fine,’ refusing to turn and face him.

you’re obviously not okay and it hurts eddie to know that there’s absolutely nothing he can do to help. instead, he takes a seat on the communal bench, if nothing else, he’d lend his ear for whatever story you wanted to tell him.

‘what happened?’ he dares to ask, not expecting to know the truth but it felt better than silence.

you sniff, closing your locker and finally facing him head on. there’s pain and guilt wracked all over your face, ‘i’m just.. clumsy,’ shoulders slumping, ‘i tripped..’

‘clumsy?’

you were anything but. eddie had watched you balance trays full of glasses without spilling a single drop. maybe other people bought your story but he didn’t. he couldn’t.

there’s a short silence and eddie shuffles, patting the empty space beside him, ‘you don’t have to lie to me.’ he swallows his anger, lets it rest in his stomach for a later date. there’s no doubt that if he got the opportunity, he’d kill the asshole that did this to you.

you swallow, reluctantly perching on the bench, ‘why are you even asking when you already know?’ not quite meeting his eyes, staring off somewhere into the distance.

‘i don’t know.. didn’t wanna pressure you..’ he’s familiar with the whole routine. the denial from his mother had broken his heart at such a young age even though he wasn’t stupid.

you blink, meeting his eyes for the first time, ‘he didn’t mean to.. was my fault,’ wiping the back of your hand against your sodden cheeks.

even hearing the words makes him inexplicably frustrated. not with you of course, but with the fact that you can’t see how much you don’t deserve that.

‘i don’t think you could do anything to deserve that,’ motioning towards your blackened eye. he’s not going to push it but he needs you to know that he’s here and would quite happily wrap his hands around that bastards neck.

‘you know.. my dad used to hit my mom,’ swallowing the large lump that had gathered in his throat, but finds enough strength to continue, ‘she was the nicest lady in the world.. she didn’t deserve that and neither do you,’ licking his suddenly parched lips. it wasn’t an easy topic then and it certainly isn’t now.

he’s not particularly ever open about what happened to his mom but if it convinced you even a tiny bit to leave him, it’d be worth it.

there’s a beat, followed by a muffled sniff but you’re nodding, staring down at the grimy tiles rather than his face. eddie reckons that he’d be overstepping his mark if he did what he wanted and leant over to hug you. so he doesn’t. putting a sympathetic hand on your shoulder instead.

‘you’re an angel, you know that?’ the hints of a smile creeping onto your lips.

‘yeah i know,’ he scoffs, bashing his shoulder into yours, only gently.

‘shut up,’ knocking him straight back.

you get up from the bench, puffing your cheeks out as you take one last look into the mirror.

it’s a gut-wrenching, awful sight and god forbid eddie has to ever see you like that again.

perhaps rather naively, eddie assumes everything is fine for the next few weeks.

understandably, you’re a bit subdued for a few days but you do revert back to your usual bubbly self come friday evening. no more bruises, no more groaning when you change the keg and absolutely zero mention of your wretched boyfriend.

so when he pulls into his gravel driveway one gloomy saturday night, he’s aghast to see you perched on his trailer steps. blinking through his headlights, soaked through from the rain with a busted lip and a torn shirt to match.

he near enough launches himself from his van, rushing over to your hunched over frame. damn near falling over his feet to get to you.

‘what the hell happened?’

you stand, clinging onto your poorly packed rucksack, ‘i.. i didn’t know where else to go,’ utterly defeated, any traces of life drained from your face.

he doesn’t say another word, bundling you into the trailer, slamming the lights on to get a proper look of you. his hands firmly on your drenched shoulders as he examines your injuries. your lip is cracked, the blood had wept from the cut and dried on your chin.

it’s awful. knocks him sick just to see you like this. your cheeks are stained with a mixture of rain and he presumes tears, hair hanging limp around your beautiful face.

‘what happened?’ he says softly, studying your face. he notices the small gash on your forehead, using everything within himself not to storm out of that door in a murderous rage.

your mouth opens but no words come out. it’s not as if he can’t put two and two together, he just doesn’t understand how it got to this point after last week.

‘it’s okay.. c’mon let’s get you out of these clothes,’ he blinks, collecting himself before taking your sopping wet bag. the clothes had all suffered in the downpour, damp and unwearable.

so he leads you into his cramped room, hastily rummaging through his drawers for something you can wear.

it’s a little self-indulgent and completely the wrong time but his heart flutters when you reappear out of the bathroom sporting his tee and a pair of old gym shorts. now showered and without the blood stains on your face, it’s a welcome sight.

‘better?’ he offers, though he knows a shower could never really help.

you nod, pulling the sleeves down over your hands. it’s so adorable and eddie seriously has to fight his compulsion to just pull you into his arms. he knows there’s no way he can protect you from everything but he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to try.

‘you want a drink? beer?’

your eyes light up, a minuscule smirk appearing on your battered lips. he’s sure wayne would understand why he came home to a non-existent six pack. the berating would be worth it to see you smile again.

he collapses onto the couch next to you, beer in hand as he watches you slowly relax. delighted that he could offer a safe space for you, even if it did come with some very complicated feelings.

that night, admittedly very creepily, he watches as you sleep. terrified to fall asleep in his makeshift bed on the floor in case you needed him.

at some point in the last two weeks, eddie had gone from sleeping on the floor to sleeping in his bed next to you. you’d told him it was far too cold for him on the floor and he should just get in. which he did, with great pleasure. there was nothing to it of course, but a few times he’d woken up to your leg entangled with his or your face pressed against his back.

everything had just got a whole lot more comfortable. rides to work, cooking for one another and some shared looks that he’d been unable to put his finger on. not wanting to believe they had any deeper meaning but at the same time, he knew that that wasn’t how friends looked at each other.

it’s a rare night you both have off, sat in the trailer watching halloween, neither of you really interested in what’s going on on the screen. there’s an inexplicable tension in the air tonight, you’re quieter than usual which eddie doesn’t like.

‘you okay?’ he dares to ask. he’d felt a little overbearing those first few days, constantly checking on you to make sure you were okay.

‘hmm? oh, i’m okay,’ setting your bottle of beer on the table, ending up much closer to him when you sit back.

‘you sure? you’re quiet,’ keen not to let on that he was absolutely buzzing about your close proximity.

‘just thinking.’

‘about?’

you let out a soft breath, twisting around to look at him fully. the only times he’d been this close to you were in bed where he laid and listened to your soft snores and when you’d been covered in injuries. neither one were exceptionally great circumstances.

‘you,’ you blink up at him, smiling just enough to make his heart skip a beat.

‘me?’ he can’t decipher whether that’s a good thing or not.

‘mhm.’

‘what about me?’

you don’t respond for what feels like an eternity but your gaze lowers, glancing at his lips and back to his eyes. if he weren’t staring directly into your bright eyes, he’d have missed it.

‘i really want to kiss you,’ you say, so brazenly that eddie’s not quite sure if he’s heard you correctly, almost sputtering on his breath as the words process.

‘you.. you wanna kiss me?’ trying hard not to sound so astounded. pretty girls didn’t want to kiss eddie, not like this.

you nod, ‘can i?’

there are stars in his eyes, blood pumping around his limbs at an alarming rate. his head is fuzzy and if he weren’t sitting, he’d probably have fainted.

‘please,’ he chokes, desperately forcing the word out before it becomes impossible.

your palms are soft as they caress his cheek, wishing that he’d shaved before this had unfolded. his heartbeat stutters, bubbling with anticipation as you lean in, gentle lips locking onto his as his eyes flutter shut.

this is it. he’d dreamt of kissing you for weeks, practiced on his hand an embarrassing amount of times and yet still nothing could’ve prepared him for how earth shattering this felt. his heart is practically jumping out of his chest and he’s sure you can feel it thumping against yours.

it’s as if fate had bought the two of you together, moving against each other in perfect harmony. if he died tomorrow, he’d die a happy man.

your hand creeps down onto his chest, holding yourself upright as you shift onto your knees. do you want to have sex with him? is this actually happening? his fingertips vibrate as they connect with your waist, like you weren’t even real and just a figment of his overactive imagination.

the second your lips part from his, he wants to cry, pull you back in and never let go. the absence of contact makes him whine, opening his eyes to see yours gazing back, they look different. different to how you’ve ever looked at him before, full of something unspeakable.

‘do you want to?’ you ask quietly into the minimal space between you.

eddie wants to so bad, more than he’s ever wanted anything in his life. nodding hurriedly to let you know just how eager he is. there’s not a chance in hell he’d let this opportunity slip through his fingers.

your lips twitch into a smile at his permission, fingers curling around the hem of his shirt.

but before you get any further, the trailer door clicks open and wayne is stood in the doorway, pizza box in hand accompanying his unimpressed scowl. ‘okay well, i think that’s enough of that,’ he grumbles, shuffling into the trailer as you climb off eddie’s lap, back into your own spot.

‘sorry wayne.. i didn’t know you were back so early,’ his cheeks burning, bashful as ever. it wasn’t enough for wayne to walk in on that but he was always now straining against his jeans, trying desperately to hide the tent while you reshuffle, pulling your shorts back down to a more appropriate length.

‘yeah yeah whatever,’ his uncle shakes his head, trundling over to the couch and tossing the box onto the cluttered coffee table, ‘move over boy, i wanna watch my programme,’ collapsing into the empty seat beside his nephew with a deep, guttural sigh.

the two of you share a sly smirk, tuning in to whatever shit wayne had put on without saying another word. stifling your laughter with a piece of pizza as eddie tries and fails to discretely pull a pillow onto his lap.

it’s hours later when you both crawl into bed and eddie has checked five times that wayne’s actually asleep before he gets to kiss you again.

bundled up under the covers when you pull him on top of you, your face gloriously basked in the bright moonlight shining in. it’s breathtaking.

‘you want to?’ you ask again, as if his answer had changed in those few hours.

he nods, his curls brushing fall down and brush against your cheek, ‘have you.. before?’ you ask cautiously. he’s not offended, even if he should be.

he has had sex before. only twice. when ellen had first joined hellfire, they had sorta had a year long fling which had ended after they had sex and ellen realised that maybe she didn’t actually like men. that was a super boost to his confidence. and then at senior prom when tina took great pity on him and somehow they ended up having sex in the back of his van.

he nods anyway, granted he’s not the most experienced but he’ll sure as hell try.

‘good,’ you smile, warm thighs wrapping around his torso as you reconnect your lips. it’s soft, gentle even. world’s apart from his previous encounters. this felt real, like you weren’t just kissing because you had to but because you wanted to.

it’s too cold in the trailer to care about removing your clothes, though he’s sure that’ll change in a minute. focussing on getting his tongue inside of your mouth, rutting against your pajama shorts. the friction causing his already semi-hard dick to rise, unable to contain the moan from escaping.

a smirk flashes across his face as his hand drags your shorts down your legs, savouring every moment of being able to touch your bare, supple skin. his hand makes its way back up your legs, repositioning the one he could grasp back around his lower back.

he has trouble getting his boxers down, too excited to focus on being smooth about it. appreciating the feel of your hand tugging the fabric down. you’re barely kissing at this point, your lips connecting with the corner of his mouth, all messy as the anticipation takes over.

‘you sure?’ he asks, gazing down at you with hooded eyes. he could just about remember what to do. sending a quick prayer upstairs to not let him be utterly useless.

‘i’m sure,’ you breathe, the feel of your fingers tangled into the hair that covered the back of his neck.

‘okay..’ he nods, mostly to himself as he wraps a head around his cock, positioning himself at your entrance. taking a brief moment to just capture this moment in preparation of it never happening again.

the pleasure overcomes his body as he slides in, already almost losing himself as he fills you up. a soft moan escapes your lips, gripping onto his neck. he is acutely aware that his uncle is asleep on the other side of the old trailer so he muffles his face into your neck, lips connecting with your jaw bone, kissing any and every bit of skin exposed to him.

sex had never felt like this before. at best, it had felt slightly better than when he jerked off, but this was something else. eddie knows it’s cliche and is definitely only because you feel so fucking good around him, but it’s as if you were made for each other.

hands pressed into the pillow so hard that he wouldn’t be surprised if there were a permanent dent either side of your head. using everything within himself not to start hollering, eyes fluttering shut against your neck. he moves in and out at an agonisingly slow pace. the small room filling with the sounds of your soaking wet cunt. its undeniable to anyone with ears and he just hopes to god that wayne is still asleep.

his own low groans vibrating against your cheek, mouth hanging open as his thrusts grow faster. you’re panting softly directly into his ear, spurring him on. despite the feel of your perfect cunt around him, the best feeling is knowing that he’s making you feel good.

‘h-holy shit,’ he mumbles nonsensically into the crook of your neck, not allowing himself to come for air because he know that the second he looks at your face, he’ll cum.

your one hand is splayed out on his upper back, the other holding onto his sweaty neck beneath his mop of hair. whining his name into his ear, driving him into a frenzy with the sound of your breathy voice, desire rippling through your moans. he should tell you to be quiet but that’d be cruel and he’d rather take the shame of wayne knowing than not hearing you.

your legs shift higher the position allowing him to reach the golden spot, nudging the soft, spongy spot over and over. eddie figures you’re far more experienced than he is. with no offence meant to you but you obviously know what works. this is new territory for him, a closeness that he’d never known possible.

you’re engulfing him completely, every single one of his senses encompassed by you. you’re all he can see even with his eyes screwed shut, all he can hear, taste and smell. god knows you’re all he can feel, calves squeezing around his back and your perfect pussy tightening around him.

he groans, feeling his stomach begin to twist in that all too familiar feeling. orgasms had never felt so good, it’s like everything was dialled up to level ten. ‘i’m gonna.. shit- i’m gonna come,’ he babbles far too loudly.

every noise tumbling out of your mouth was pulling him closer, no record could ever come close to the sweet mewls that were slipping between your lips. his arms begin to tremble under his own weight. feeling your legs quivering around his waist as your orgasm begins to overtake your body, sinful noises echoing around the otherwise quiet trailer.

‘ohh fuck,’ he growls, feeling your walls clenching around him, it was like he’d been pushed over the edge. the only way he can begin to describe it was otherworldly, flashes of white light illuminate his eyelids.

images of your face accompany your honeyed whimpers and he has to pull out before he explodes. spurts of his release cover his hand and admittedly the back of your thigh. if he had any semblance of control, he’d have been embarrassed but he’s not exactly sure that he’s still on planet earth.

he dares to open his eyes, watching as your chest heaves below him clinging onto his forearm with desperate fingertips. you’re looking up at him as if he’s the only person you’d ever seen. mouth slack as you regain your breath.

‘jesus christ,’ he whispers, hand resting on your angled knee as he floats back down to your planet.

eddie clambers off of the bed with a grunt, wiping a hand over his sweaty face. reaching down to grab his previously discarded towel. it wasn’t the epitome of romance but he darent to leave his room, petrified that wayne had just heard that entire encounter.

he’s a gentleman, of course, running the towel over your thigh to clean his mess. offering you a tiny shrug as if to say sorry. rather suddenly he feels rather conscious of himself, refusing to look at you as his cheeks flame.

it’s ridiculous. he’d just been buried between your legs and yet now couldn’t even look you in the fucking eyes.

before he gets up again, your hand reaches out, curling around his t-shirt. ‘stop,’ using his shirt as leverage for you to sit up.

in one quick movement, you’re placing a tiny onto his lips. a reassurance he really shouldn’t have needed but he appreciates nonetheless.

‘don’t do that,’ you hush, millimetres from his face, the shadow of his broken blinds shine upon your cheek. it hurts him to know that someone would dare look at you and want to hurt you.

if it were possible, he’d take all of your pain and carry it with him instead.

‘okay..’ he nods, resisting the urge to apologise once again.

you giggle and it sounds like the heavens have opened, pulling his body on top of yours as his bed makes an almighty squeak. if wayne wasn’t already awake, he certainly would be now.

eddie doesn’t know where the fuck you are.

you hadn’t come back to the trailer after work last night and now you’re nowhere to be found. you were supposed to start half an hour ago but hadn’t turned up and now his heart is pounding, mind racing at the horrific possibilities of what could’ve happened.

at first, he’d thought maybe he said something wrong? he’d just thrown out the suggestion of going to get the rest of your things and moving them in here while you got back on your feet. he hadn’t meant to push you out, god no, that was the last thing he wanted.

maybe stupidly he had presumed you wanted your own space. whatever the hell was going on between you two was so fresh, he didn’t want to even chance fucking it up.

the guilt wracks his brain, tempted to drop everything to drive around this tiny town looking for you. he’s so stupid. should’ve just kept his mouth shut and enjoyed it while you were there.

he’s just about to tell james that he’s leaving when the door to the bar opens and a rough looking man comes through with you held tightly underneath his arm. your eyes avoiding his direction, staring at the floor as the mystery man ushers you towards the back, making himself comfortable at the bar.

eddie’s heart shatters into a million pieces, watching open mouthed as you disappear into the back.

judging by the look on james’ face, he recognises him, reluctantly pouring his beer as they engage in useless small talk.

‘thought i’d better sit in for her shift.. wouldn’t want her running off again,’ the man announces, beady eyes glaring right into his soul.

eddie knows who he is. he’d never seen him before but he could tell. they all had that sinister aura about them, like they could flip at any given moment. his dad was the same, walking on egg shells around him just in case he said the wrong thing or looked at him the wrong way.

you emerge from the staff room, still vehemently avoiding eye contact, a shell of the you he saw just yesterday. ‘hey.. you okay?’ eddie asks, but it falls flat as you walk off without so much as a look back towards him.

he can’t believe it, how you could be so different so quickly. as if the past few weeks you’d spent together had meant nothing. he can’t blame you. not really. it’s a cycle and he knows better than anyone that it takes a thousand attempts to actually break out of it.

his shoulders slump as he rushes out the back, refusing to look at that assholes face any longer. willing himself to get a grip and not jump over that bar to strangle the piece of shit right now.

a hand clamps down on his shoulder and for a brief moment he thinks he might be you until james clears his throat, shuffling on his feet behind him, ‘you can’t save her man,’ squeezing his shoulder firmly, ‘you think we haven’t tried?’

eddie sniffs, shrugging him off. he didn’t appreciate the patronising tone in which james was speaking to him.

because god knows, if he couldn’t save his mom, there’s no fucking chance he’s not saving you.

#eddie munson #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson stranger things #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson smut #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #stranger things x you #eddie munson x female reader smut

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x0x0josephinex0x0 · 5 months

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anniversaries | yunho

Happy holidays to anyone who celebrates! I just wanted to write something cute and fluffy and short, so I hope you enjoy. <3 Warnings: I tried to avoid gendered terms but there might be some accidents, there are pet names (love, honey), it's implied reader is kinda shorter than Yunho but no specific size parameters are mentioned.

You are a person who keeps track of dates. You know every birthday in your family, always have a plan for holidays, and make sure your coworkers feel admired and appreciated.

So it was a bit of a shock to see your boyfriend of not-quite-one year standing at your door with a little pink box wrapped up in gold ribbon, his eyes bright and excited and his cheeks flushed with the winter chill.

"Yunho!" you exclaimed, nonplussed, ushering him inside and closing the door against the cold. "What are you doing here?"

"Hi to you too," he teases, putting the cake box on the counter and extricating himself from his jacket. During the winter, Yunho is always wearing a soft, fluffy sweater -- a habit he adopted after learning that you couldn't resist burying your face in his chest when he had one on. Even now, you can't help but wrap your arms around his middle, running your hands up and down the soft fabric. "I have a gift for you. I thought I'd surprise you and drop it off."

"What's the occasion?" you ask him.

He grins. "Why don't we sit down first? I want snuggles."

You roll your eyes good-naturedly, cuddling up beside him on the couch in the living room. "What have you been up to today?" you ask him, putting one of your hands up against his cold cheek to try and warm him.

"Honestly, not that much," he says simply, leaning into your touch. "I was mostly thinking about you all day."

You laugh -- he's not usually this clingy.

Your relationship with Yunho began as a friendship that had gradually become something infinitely more. He could make you smile even on days when it was hard to get out of bed, and you also felt that he drew strength from your honesty and good humor. You could talk to him about anything. He was genuinely your very best friend. And that meant everything to you.

"Was there a reason I was on your mind today?" you ask him as he winds his arms around your waist.

"You're on my mind every day," he insists, "but today is special, yes."

"Why?"

"Because I had a very important conversation with Mingi last year that made me decide to shoot my shot."

"Really?" you ask, surprised. "I've never heard this story."

He chuckles. "Well, Mingi and I were hanging out, and we ended up talking about you like we always did because I was a miserable loser who was scared to ask you out --"

"Okay, but I was just as big of a loser as you," you remind him with a playful shove. "We were both just dancing around having that conversation, which in hindsight, is actually pretty funny --"

"Because it was really easy once we finally did it," Yunho laughs. "Yeah, I remember. But I'm telling you a story now, love."

"Sorry," you giggle, looking up at him with wide eyes and trying not to smile. Yunho thinks his heart might explode, so he continues.

"It's okay. But anyway, Mingi got fed up with me and told me if I didn't ask you out I would never even know what you might have said. The turning point was when he said, 'you either say something and maybe get rejected, or say nothing and never even have a chance.'"

You think back to the "DTR" conversation you'd had with Yunho all that time ago -- how he'd taken your hands in his and asked you if friendship was all you saw in him. You remember how his hands shook, how it was one of the few times that you'd seen him unsmiling, and you'd realized that he was as terrified as you. Somehow, that made it so much easier to confess. "Remind me to thank Mingi later," you murmur, turning toward Yunho and snuggling into him.

"It was very wise of him," Yunho agrees. "But anyway. That conversation happened a year ago today, so I wanted to celebrate." He squeezes you. "Go get the box."

Reluctantly, you untangle yourself from your boyfriend and grab the box from the counter, sitting down beside him. "Do I just open it?" you say, shaking it to see if you can hear anything from the box.

Yunho winces as you shake it. "Uh, my love," he says, his expression pained. "I don't think you should shake that."

"Why?" you ask, suddenly worried. "Was it a kitten or something?"

Yunho laughs. "No," he says. "But it shouldn't be shaken. Just open it and you'll see."

So you open it. Inside is a small cake with very smeared frosting. You can tell what it used to say, though: "Happy Mingi Day." And you're laughing.

"I was thinking we could do something nice for Mingi every year on this day," Yunho muses, taking in the mess you've made inside the box. "Should we take him his favorite snacks?"

"Of course. But we should make a pact never to explain why we're so nice to him this one day out of the year," you muse. "It'll be hilarious if he never knows why."

Yunho beams. "I love you," he says, squishing you in a huge hug with his big sweater.

"I love you more," you say. Then suddenly you realize something.

"So it actually still took you three weeks to talk to me after you had the conversation with Mingi?!"

"Water under the bridge, honey."

#yunho #ateez #ateez yunho #yunho x reader #yunho fluff #ateez fluff #ateez x reader #jeong yunho

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onewmin · 1 year

Text

shreds | knj (18+)

Pairing: idol!Kim Namjoon x idol!fem!Reader

Summary: After almost eight years of dating, you boyfriend Namjoon asks you the question. However, you don’t really want to say ‘yes’.

Warnings: SMUT, minors DNI!!! A bit of handjob and fingering (m. and f. receiving), a bit of oral (m. and f. receiving), a lot of kissing, profanity, a bit of angst, some typos, reader has a thing for namjoon’s hair, pure confusion, an unhealthy relationship, reader is fed up and tired, a lot of cockblocking (both knj and readers hehe)

Author’s note: it is what it is, I don’t write happy stuff, as far as you can see lol hope you enjoy!! Please leave some feedback <3

Disclaimer: the names and appearances of real people are used for inspiration and writing purposes only. I do not claim anything, everything belongs to its owners.

P.S. The pictures are taken from Pinterest, so if you know their owners, please let me know!

Part 2 is here <3

“I’d rather be alone”.

Ouch. Harsh words spat at your not-so-ex-but-ex-but-we’re-still-together boyfriend when he is in his most vulnerable position — on one knee with a ring, ready to put it on your finger.

It’s not that you don’t love him, quite the opposite actually. It’s not that you don’t want to marry him: you’ve spent almost eight years waiting for the moment when he’ll finally be ready to go public with you. You should be the happiest person alive right now, shouldn’t you?

Well, no. You’re actually fucking pissed. You’re pissed at the choice of the place — your freaking apartment; you’re angry with him popping up the question when the two of you have just got together, again. You’re annoyed with his smiley face, his stupid dimples and sparkling eyes. What’s this asshole so happy about? Being rejected?

“It’s not like I’ll stop asking”, he replied, getting back on his feet. A small black velvety box is back in his pocket in an instant; he’s leaning against the kitchen counter, arms crossed at his chest and that look in his eyes. A mixture of love and lust, something you craved so much usually. But not lately. Not today.

“Please”, you rubbed you temples tiredly, “be my guest. I’ll say ‘no’ every time”.

He huffed, gaze following you around the kitchen. You’re used to it, to say the least. He’d come to your place, hang out, stay over, sleep over, fucking live here. You’d be having grand dates inside your apartment, but never, never out. Oh, well, maybe a couple of times you did. In over than seven years of dating.

“Whatcha cookin’?”

You let out an exhausted sigh, dropping the knife on the counter. “Your head on a plate. Get out of my apartment, Namjoon”.

Rubbing your eyes, you didn’t see him approaching you from behind. He wraps his arms around your waist, his breath tickling your ear. You hate him so much.

“Please, stop”, you utter, hardly trying to brush his hands off.

It always goes down the same road: he’ll hug you tightly, ask you to wait a little bit more (giving very reasonable excuses every time, like the lack of desire to ruin his public image or other bullshit) and you’ll end up underneath him, clinging onto him, begging him not to leave you again, again and again. You’re not sure if you’re able to put a stop to it.

“Don’t push me away, baby”. His husky voice hinted at the notes of vulnerability, hinted at him genuinely begging you not to do it. You don’t know how much longer you can last.

Pursing your lips together, you give in one last time, letting yourself melt again. He seemed to be an endless ocean, and you were drowning each and every time, no matter how much time has passed. It was just so pathetic how comfortable you felt around him, allowing him to do basically anything to you. Eating half of your food, occupying your bed with his huge figure, fucking you relentlessly and breaking your heart.

Is Kim Namjoon really that special or are you just this pathetically attached to him?

He pulls you from the flow of thought you’ve been going through by peppering small kisses all over the exposed side of your neck. You should just tell him to leave one more time. You know too well where such kisses lead.

“Namjoon”, you breathe out. He reads you like an open book, knowing the different tones of your voice. He stops immediately, freezing in his place, waiting for your next move.

You turn around, eyeing him briefly. Another stupid black turtleneck he must’ve worn to target you specifically. He just knows how much you love him in turtlenecks. His eyes are on you, watching your every move with caution.

“I can’t keep, uh…” You thoughts trail off, as you watch him lick his lips subconsciously. Shit, pull yourself together. “I can’t keep doing this. I’m tired”.

He cups your cheeks, forcing you to look back at him, a soft smile on his face. Shit. He knows how to get to you. “Baby, give us one more chance. Just one”.

“It’s not gonna change anything”, you mutter under your breath, eyes still glued to his. “No matter what you say or do, Joon”.

He took in a deep breath, one hand of his moving from your cheek to your shoulder, and the other on the waist. Your mouth went dry instantly, and the head was empty, no thoughts, no objections. Happened every time he touched you.

“Even if”, Namjoon’s nose brushed your cheek, his breath on your ear sending shivers down your spine, “I do this?” His words were followed by him pressing a kiss to your neck, to the spot he’s explored thousand times. And every damn one, you were weak in your knees.

“Ye-Yeah”, you breathed out, your head tilted away almost automatically. He let out a chuckle into your skin, sending goosebumps all over your body.

Another neck kiss followed the previous, and then another one, and another; in mere seconds Namjoon turned your stoic decision to never let him touch you again into mewling sounds leaving your mouth. His hands were on your ass, grabbing, squeezing, making you cling to his shoulders, whenever he sucked the skin in that sensitive spot again.

And when he broke away, eyes dark with lust, the look you’re so used to but never getting tired of — you glanced at his lips before pouncing at them with all pent up anger and frustration. Damn, you hated him. He kept you like a shameful secret on the darkest and dustiest shelf of the closet, refusing to acknowledge you even when he was able to. You were ready to put everything — your reputation, career, public image — at stake, you were ready to be hated. You were willing to do everything you could to finally be with him publicly, too. But he wasn’t going to claim you as his, ever. At least, not openly.

And that was more than frustrating. Infuriating, shit, seven years of dating and he still was ashamed and scared? That little moan you’ve always melted into left his mouth, when you bit his lower lip; so much of pure suppressed wrath landing right on him.

Breaths huffing into mouths, anger mixed up with passion, your hands pulling his hair, and him… Grunting, breaking the kiss to look at your red lips to drown in them again, Namjoon shoved you against the nearest wall. His hand hit it first, making your head press into it so that it didn’t hit the wall. You hated him for that too.

You wrapped one of your legs around his waist, pulling him closer, moaning into his mouth when his bulge brushed over your closeted core. A spineless asshole, you thought, while your hands grabbed his ass to pull him even closer, feeding me with empty promises for so many years just to propose all of a sudden? What did he expect? For me to say yes?

“I-I”, you whispered, when he was kissing your neck again, “I will never marry you, Namjoon”.

A sudden squeak left your lips as you felt his fingers dig into your hips with force. Clenching his jaw, Namjoon ferociously took you by the wrists, lifting your hands, pining them against the wall above your head. You gasped, still surprised by his sudden change of demeanor. He was enraged. Good. Let him have the taste of his own medicine.

“I’ll be asking you every day”, he purred in your ear, “I’ll propose to you in million different ways”. He slightly bit your earlobe, receiving a whimper from you. “I’ll do anything for you to say ‘yes’”.

“Yeah?” Your eyebrow raised in question. Brushing your lips over his, but denying a kiss, you continued. “Will you go public about our engagement or I will turn into your secret wife?”

An exhausted sign was his response. You took in the sight of a complete loss written across his face — shit, you knew exactly how this would go.

“Whatever”, you uttered, hands tugging his hair, pulling him in another breathless kiss. He indulged in it, his plushy lips parting yours to let his tongue dominate the kiss. You let him. You let him do whatever he wants tonight. You’re not going to ruin your last time together. Though, it’s not like he knows that.

You were unaware of being lifted and carried into the bedroom. Namjoon has this magical power to transcend the boundaries of reality, creating this bubble whenever the two of you are alone so that you are in your personal, secluded little world. And when you’re there, you always lose the sense of reality.

That’s why you were able to last this long. Whenever you spoke to your friends — some of them idols too, some of them not — they always said it would’ve been a nightmare to live such a life. Hidden behind several closed door, your relationship was sealed as something forbidden, harmful even. That was true, but at the beginning of your careers only, you thought. The more both of you progressed, the less you cared about what people had to say. And for some time, while living in this beautiful delusion, you though Namjoon was on the same page as well. Oh boy, were you wrong.

“What are you thinking about?” He asked breathlessly, obviously noticing your thoughts were drifting away from his head buried between your thighs. You wish you could focus on the pleasure he was giving you, but… Everything was too much. Him proposing out of nowhere, not agreeing on revealing your relationship — again — and your sudden decision to end this relationship for the good.

“You”, you whimpered, “you just feel so good”.

That wasn’t a complete lie: he did, in fact, get your head spiraling, you soul leaving your body each time he sucked on your clit. However, your mind couldn’t but come back to the anxious, shaking thoughts.

“Liar”, he breathed out, capturing your lips in another tentative kiss.

His kisses are hungry, and you catch him muttering in-between them how you interrupted him getting the dessert. Ah yeah, you didn’t come when he ate you out, it’s a direct insult. You’re giving in, swallowing his mumbles, replacing them with your own moans instead.

Tangling your fingers in his hair, your savoured every moment when his lips touched your skin. Pressing kisses to your shoulder blades, lingering touches on your chest, two fingers curled inside your pussy. He was too much, and he knew it; you were arching your back, digging nails in the sheets, whining, begging him to stop the torture.

“Joon, pl-“, you stuttered once again, when his thumb started drawing painfully slow circles on your clit.

“What is that, baby? I didn’t quite hear you”. Namjoon murmured.

“Please”, you breathed, hands gripping his shoulders, “please, please, fuck me, please”.

Under the blurred vision you still managed to see him smirking, while pulling his pants down.

“Your wish is my command”.

Your watched him reach for the nightstand, quickly taking the condom from the drawer. “D’you want to do it?”

You nodded, sitting up on the bed, head spinning from the sudden movement. Either iron deficiency or the foreplay, you thought, taking the condom into your hands. You looked at his cock, tip red and leaking with pre-cum, fucking waiting for you.

You wish you could put on a show for Joon, one last time. You wish you could get down, and put the condom on with your teeth. You wish you could, but you can’t.

Although there’s one thing you can do. He’s not gonna like it, you think, you won’t like it too. You desperately need him inside, to cling into him, to hear him whisper ‘I love you’s’ one last time. However, you can’t bring yourself to it.

The more you stay, the longer this goes on. The more you let him in, bringing your defense to the ground, turning your self-esteem in literal ruins — the less the arguments to leave him sound reasonable. He’s been your boyfriend for almost eight years, though, on the other hand, you weren’t partners at all.

Sure, you’ve met each other’s families. Of course they all predicted you two would get married and start a family, eventually. And at one point, you had to convince yourself that breaking up with Namjoon didn’t mean your parents breaking their friendship, so it shouldn’t affect them — but still, your families’ bonding was one of the things holding you back.

For some reason though, there’s nothing stopping you now.

The condom is still in its wrapper, so you put it down on the bed, Namjoon’s eyes following your every move. He raises his brows, not knowing where this is going. Your fingers linger over his tip, just teasing. Joon hisses at the slightest sensation, which almost brings you to tears: who else is gonna love you this much that the smallest touch of yours throws them over the edge?

Fuck him, the thought sprinted through your head, he only loves me behind closed doors.

Your lips sealed in a sloppy kiss. One of the hands, which wasn’t stroking his dick slowly, was entangled in his hair, again. You just loved the feeling of his soft locks in between your fingers.

Namjoon squeezed your waist, holding onto you for dear life, just not to lose his composure. As you broke the kiss, you lips left open-mouthed kisses along his jaw, moving to suck in the skin in that sensitive spot of his. You’re willing to mark him as yours in places where he’s never let you do that before.

“Baby..” He responded to your actions immediately, but didn’t lift a finger to stop you.

“Enjoy this while you can”, you whispered in his ear, leaving a trail of kisses alongside his neck.

You messily kissed his lips again, before breaking away. Looking in his eyes, you spit on your palm to bring it back to his cock again, to stroke him less slowly this time.

Namjoon rolled his eyes at the view, his head tilting away. He loved when you did this and looked into his eyes; to him, there’s just something… Something ethereal about you when you spit on his dick.

His hand reached to your bare pussy, to feel how wet you are, to bring the pleasure back to you — only to be slapped away.

“It’s about you, not me”, you gasp, images of him shoving his cock inside your pussy, pounding into you mercilessly fueling your burning desire for him.

Your thumb presses on his tip, drawing circles, thinking of how good it would feel to lick it with your tongue. Shit, you wish.

You give in to your wishes, finally. You just have to control yourself and not to yield to temptation fully.

You make him sit down on the edge of the bed, him obliging to every thing you tell him to do. Namjoon swears every time you get down on your knees in front of him, he’s ready to combust, to turn into ashes, just ‘cause of the way you look. Doe eyes piercing right though him whenever your head bobs up and down his length.

You both moan, when your mouth wraps around his tip. Your whimper is, however, more tempting to Joon, sending vibrations throughout his whole body.

With your mouth wrapped around his cock, your tongue starts its devilish dance. Leaving kitten licks with just the tip of your tongue, tasting the pre-cum with every move of yours, you feel his hand on the back of your head, massaging your scalp tenderly. You hate him for his softness even when you want to leave him.

Your hands stroke his dick, covering what your mouth can’t reach. The sounds you’re making are obscure, slurping, chocking, fucking French-kissing his dick. Namjoon is two steps away from being summoned to heaven.

“Shit, baby”, he hisses, his hands slowly guiding your head to make you go faster, “I’m g-, shit, gonna cum”.

Good. You bob your head up and down his length one more time, before letting his dick out of your mouth with a loud “pop”. As you stand up, naked in front of him, Namjoon’s gaze, clouded with lust, doesn’t leave the sight of your tits.

“What’s wrong, baby?”

His hoarse voice, gentle hands, soft locks. His darkened gaze, fingers on the small of your back, broad shoulders. Him. All about him is so beautiful, yet so painful. You cannot stay, you forbid yourself to stay.

If you stay with him one more time, you’re sure you’re not going to get your happy ending with him. He’ll never hold your hand in the park, he’ll never take you on a date when other people are there too. He’ll never leave the comfort of secrecy just because he doesn’t want to leave it. Namjoon doesn’t want to be with you in all meanings of it.

Yeah. You can’t stay.

His head is pressed to your solar plexus, your fingers in his hair again. The last time you’re going to be this close.

“I think we should break up”.

#kim namjoon #kim namjoon imagine #kim namjoon x you #kim namjoon x reader #kim namjoon smut #kim namjoon angst #bts rm imagine #bts imagines

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angelsanarchy · 6 months

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Alkaline: Euronymous x Y/N Series CH 23

Tagging: @ophelialaufey@madamemaximoff06@forever-not-gonna-sink@ajmiila02@liquidsmoothdomme@shady-the-simp @auggiethecreator @tempt-ress @blacksoul-27

TW: Handjob, Fingering, Grinding

Oystein didn't actually expect Y/n to call him so soon but within the next few days, she called the shop and luckily he answered.

"Helvete." He answered looking through a page of lyrics for some of Mayhem's unfinished works.

"Hey...are you guys busy today?" Oystein sat up surprised hearing her voice.

"Um...no not really. Why? Are you okay?" He was slightly unsettled until he heard her laugh.

"No I'm fine, I was just thinking you should close the shop today and hang out with me." Y/n asked abruptly. Oystein was surprised by the ask but didn't want to say no.

"Y-yeah I would love that. Where are you? I can come get you." Oystein got up from his desk and grabbed his jacket.

"I'll meet you at your car." She hung up before he could say anything and he started stumbling over himself to get to the door. Faust watched him confused as he lounged in front of his little TV.

"You're in charge. If you leave, lock up." Oystein tossed the keys at him and bolted out of the door seeing Y/n leaning against the car with a smile on her face. He walks over to her and she holds up a bag.

"I brought your fuel." He could already smell what was in the bag and he leaned to kiss her cheek.

"Did you have anywhere specific you wanted to go?" Oystein asked opening the door for her.

"I kind of need to drop this food with my dad, do you think we can make a stop there first?" She asked hoping it wouldn't be weird but Oystein shook his head.

"Yeah of course." The drive started quietly, him not wanting to jinx anything and her staring at him, taking him in. She missed him, there was no denying that.

"I'm glad you called." Oystein finally spoke up.

"I'm glad you answered." She responded with a blush. Oystein had never met her dad but upon seeing him, he didn't seem to judge him at all. He simply extended his hand to shake and gave him a nod.

"You're in that band? Y/n has played the record for months. You're very talented." Her dad said genuinely and Oystein smiled.

"Thank you. We're in a bit of a hiatus right now but I am very proud of that album." Oystein said seeing Y/n blushing from the kitchen as she prepared her dad's food.

"Oystein, can I ask you a favor? Man to man?" He stepped a little closer towards him and Oystein nervously listened.

"Take care of my little girl. She does a lot to take care of the family and the last few years have been...very difficult for her. She deserves happiness and you seem to make her smile these days." Oystein felt warmth in his chest.

"I will do whatever it takes Sir. You have my word. I care very much about your daughter and I only want her to be happy." Oystein admitted earning a clap on the back. Y/n emerged from the kitchen and sat her dad's plate on a tray.

"I'm going to spend the day with Oystein. I should be home by-"

"Sweetheart, you're an adult. I will be fine. I will see you when I see you. Just go have fun and be safe." Y/n looked shocked.

"She's in good hands right Oystein?" Y/n met Oystein's gaze and he shook his head.

"Absolutely. I will take good care of her." His confidence made Y/n smile as she kissed her father goodbye and followed Oystein out of her house.

"How did you win my dad over in a matter of 10 minutes?" She laughed.

"What can I say? I'm good with parents." Oystein joked.

"Plus he apparently has had time to get to know me since the record has been playing nonstop in his home." He teased Y/n who rolled her eyes.

"Oh yeah right. Shut up." She smiled with a blush to her cheeks. The two of them decided to stop in at his parents house since they were already making stops and Oystein was surprised at how loving his family was to Y/n. His mother gave her a hug and Y/n thanked her for everything she had done for her family. His dad made sure to remind her that she was always welcome to come by if she ever needed anything and even gave his card to her to give her dad.

His sister was quick to ran up and hug Y/n. She spoke a mile a minute, talking her ear off and pulling her towards her room. Oystein smiled watching the exchange as his mother told him what a nice surprise it was to see him. He hadn't been home in a while but his mother was quick to help him make sure Y/n's family was taken care of after the death. Oystein didn't even seem to mind when his mom broke out baby pictures to show Y/n.

"Pssst." Oystein looked over towards the stairs and saw his sister hiding. He walked over towards her and leaned against the banister.

"Is Y/n your girlfriend yet?" She whispered. Oystein smiled, looking over to see if Y/n was paying them any attention.

"Not yet but I'm hoping maybe soon." He whispered back.

"Well hurry up! What are you waiting for?" His sister scolded.

"I'm trying! These things take finesse." Oystein said as his sister rolled her eyes at him. They spent the rest of the day at his parents house, catching up and talking about how things were going. Oystein loved that he was able to hear what Y/n had been up to in all the time that they hadn't been on speaking terms. Y/n could tell he wasn't as forthcoming about how things were going in the black circle or Helvete but his parents never pressed it. When they left, Oystein brought Y/n to his apartment and she looked impressed at how clean and put together it was.

"Wow, this is a really nice place. I wouldn't have expected this after seeing the last place you lived." Y/n smiled seeing that his bed was even made.

"I find I do better mentally when I live away from the band. I like organization. It's hard to be organized with a house full of-"

"Gross men?" Y/n laughed.

"Exactly." Oystein handed her a coke and she sipped it before sitting down on the couch. He followed suit and made sure to sit directly next to her, earning a smirk.

"Comfortable?" She asked as he pressed up against her side.

"Absolutely." He smiled at her so brightly that it made him laugh. She reached up and grazed his cheek.

"You have such a sweet smile. I've missed your smile." She admits. Oystein felt himself blushing as she tucked his hair behind his ear.

"I can't help it when I'm with you. Everything makes sense when you're around. I've missed being this close to you, having you near me all day has been the best day I've had in a long time." Oystein confessed.

"Thank you for spending the day with me." She said as he took her hands into his own and turned his body towards her.

"I've wanted a day like this with you since I met you." Oystein stared at her for a few seconds before he chanced a kiss, leaning forward and kissing her as gently as possible so she wouldn't second guess it. It was a brief kiss, full of sweetness and gratitude and when he pulled away she tilted her head down to hide her smile.

"I bet you bring all the girls back here with the same story." She joked knowing the mention of groupies would get a rise out of him.

"I've never brought anyone here. This is my home. I only want the things that make me feel safe and cared for here." Y/n could tell her was being serious and she bit her lip.

"I'm still not going to lose my groupie virginity sucking you off on your couch, Euronymous." She joked making him let out a snort.

"I wouldn't dream of it...actually no I very much would but to be fair, I would also dream about eating you out on the couch as well so..." He shrugged. Y/n watched him for a moment as he picked his coke back up to take a swig. She took the bottle out of his hands and placed it down before she moved to sit in his lap. Oystein sat back with wide eyes, surprised by the sudden movement.

"Y/n.."

"Can you just-" She couldn't find the words but Oystein knew she didn't need to say anything. He pulled her by the back of her neck down to his mouth, kissing her with less care than before. This time, the kiss was passionate. It felt like a kiss that waited years to get here and right now, all he wanted was to taste her on his tongue and feel her against his skin. She moved her hips in tiny circles until Oystein was hard beneath her, straining in his black jeans. When he felt her hand reach behind herself to palm the front of him he pulled away breathless.

"You don't have to...we don't have to do anything..." He wanted to make sure that this wasn't something she would regret.

"I've waited two years to be here with you Oystein. Please let me touch you." She asked so sweetly that he felt himself pain against the push of his cock against the seam of his pants. He rolled her onto her back and started to pull his belt off, tossing it to the floor as she unbuttoned his jeans and freed his cock. He shuttered at her touch, feeling chills between his shoulder blades watching her spit onto her palm and begin stroking him.

"Do you have any idea how much I've thought about your cock? Ever since we hooked up in the shop, I've wanted to get my hands on you, feel the weight of you in my hands, the taste..." She released him to lick the little bits of cum he was already leaking from her hand.

"Y/n I've never thought of anyone but you when getting myself off. I've missed your taste. I've missed everything about you." Oystein was practically breathless as she stroked him. He held himself above her, trying not to maintain himself but the way she used both hands to stroke his cock, cup his balls and roll them between her fingers made his whole body shake.

He knew he had to do something or else he was going to explode far too soon. He sat back on his heels and started to undo her jeans. She let him pull them down to about her thighs before she stopped him.

"We aren't going to have sex...not like this." She said squeezing his hands. He nodded his head in understanding before using his fingers to rub her juices along the lips of her pussy. He carefully pushed his fingers inside of her and almost felt himself cum just feeling how tight she was around his fingers.

"Oh fuck." She tilted her head back for a moment before she sat up and re-gripped his cock. He laid his body behind her, back against the couch as she tugged on him aggressively and he was able to pulse his fingers inside of her with the same fever. The only sound in the apartment was their moans and heavy breathing as they raced to make each other cum.

"I'm..I'm gonna cum baby. I'm gonna cum." He groaned into her neck. She jumped up from the couch, repositioning herself over top of him so that her pussy was now rubbing directly onto his cock as it sat stiffly against his torso, leaking and practically purple praying for release. She ground her hips down hard and Oystein gripped her hips trying to slow her motions, not ready to cum. She removed one of his hands from her hip to rub her clit and he started rubbing so fast her head tilted back like she was possessed.

"Oh fuck! Oystein, don't stop!" She cried jolting her hips against his leaking cock even fast. He made a noise of desperation before crying out. His cum shooting all over his belly, smearing against her pussy which was now leaving a pool of her own juices on his cock. She rode her own orgasms out while he twitched beneath her. When she had finished, she leaned down to kiss him, feeling his heart beating beneath her hand. She wanted every day to be like this with him and he dreamed that this would be the first of many of their days together.

#R!Euronymous #R!Euronymous x Y/N #Film: Lords of Chaos #One Shot Series #Alkaline #Alkaline series #Rory Culkin #Culkin Cult #23/35

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elisysd · 10 months

Text

Epilogue

Masterlist - Previously

A year and a half later

“And the Oscar for best actress goes to… Lyanna Michel-Leclerc for Ferrari!”

It was almost 3 am in Monaco when Charles bursted out of joy in the big living room of the house. After all the stress, the promo, the pre-Oscars interviews, the fitting with her stylist, Lyanna’s Ferrari journey could not end on a better note. Charles knew she was going to get it. There was no other options. She got every single awards for her performance there was never a doubt in his mind that she would win the Oscar. beautiful in her navy dress, a hair fallen with grace on her back he watched her as she was standing up, hugging the rest of the cast and going up that stage to receive the trophy.

Beside Charles, in a crib, a small little nine months old baby with brown hair was fidgeting and slowly waking up.

“Hey princess. Look, it’s mommy on the TV.”

The little girl looked at his father with big hazel eyes and smiled at him making Charles’ heart melt some more. He took her in his arms carefully, not without lightly touching her face with his fingers and kissing her forehead. He was totally in love with his daughter, something that caused teasing from his family and Lyanna who always liked to joke around saying that she was not Charles’ favourite woman anymore. The little girl then looked to the screen that Charles was pointing at and gave a toothless grin when she recognised her mother.

“Yes, I know, mommy is beautiful.”

Lyanna could not believe it. Everyone was saying that she was going to get it, but a part of her refused to believe it. But there she was, in the centre of the stage, with cameras pointed at her and people being genuinely happy for her. She took the awards from Anne Hathaway’s hands and started to talk.

“Fuck… sorry! It’s just… wow. I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say, to be honest. Three years ago I was in this exact same room, I remember sitting right there, and seeing Florence Pugh get the Oscar I was also nominated for. Rightfully so, she is amazing I love her, she knows that. It might not seem like a long time ago to you but to me it seems like a lifetime ago. So many things have changed for me. First I want to thank every single person who worked on the movie with us, from the writers, to the sound designers, the cameramen to the cast of course and Michael, thank you. For giving me this opportunity, for believing in me, for everything that I’ve learned and keep learning. I want to thank my mom, how cliché I know, for making me the woman I am today. Moms rock and I know that because I recently became one and I want to dedicate this award to my baby girl. Last but not least, I want to thank my husband who is taking care of our baby at home and who, I know, is watching this. It’s an honour to share your life and I could not be more thankful to have you in mine. You’re the best husband and dad a woman could ask for. I love you. So much. And now I’m coming home because I missed you and I hate being away from you both.”

Two days later, she was back home to Charles attempting to feed their daughter dinner. He was trying to make weird faces to make her laugh and Lyanna, watching the scene from afar, could not help but laugh. She loved those moments, when it was just them three, living their family life. Finally Charles spotted her and left the plate aside to get to her.

“How is my amazing, beautiful, talented and Oscar-winning wife doing?” He asked kissing her deeply, his arms hanging loosely around her frame.

“Exhausted but happy to be home. And how is my perfect, patient, incredible double world champion of husband doing?” she asked him back.

“He is doing great and slowly transforming himself into a stay-at-home dad.”

“And how is Julia? I missed her so much.”

She left Charles side to go the see her daughter who was extending her little arms so Lyanna could carry her.

“Yes, baby, mommy is back and she is not leaving you before a very, very long time.”

Charles went to them with a smile on his face. That’s what perfect family life looked like to him. He put one hand one Lyanna’s waist and the other on Julia’s back before kissing both of their heads.

“My two girls. My two loves. I’m going to miss this so much. For the first time I don’t want to go back to racing.”

“Because you thought that you were leaving without us?”

“I thought you said that Julia was too young to come on the tracks.”

“I bought everything that she would need to be safe both on the plane and on tracks and asked to her doctor if she could. No objections from his side. What did you think, Leclerc? Wherever you go, we go.”

“Whatever you said, Leclerc.” he nodded.

Yes, their life was perfect and he would not trade it for anything else in the world.

=======

author's note: 284 pages, 124 602 words later, I can officially said that this story is over. What a ride my friends, what a ride. I want to thank every single one of you who, at some point during this story, left a like, a reblog, or a comment. This story exists because of you who helped me find the motivation to write. From the bottom of my heart I could not be more grateful for that. For the last time, what would make me so happy would be to read what your favorite moment of the story is? The moment that made you laugh, cry, scream in anger? Whatever. But for now, Charles and Lyanna's story is over... or at least almost since 10 bonus chapter will come to you soon. They deserver a proper goodbye before they move on with their lives. But stay tuned, a new story is under way and maybe they will make an apparition 👀

taglist: @zendayabelova @purplephantomwolf @ru-kru @dakotali @blueflorals @aundercover @ruleroftheuniverse @fangirlika @writerscurse @elijahmikaelsonbitch @leclerc13 @karmabyfernando @stargaryenx @pitlanebabe @boiohboii @reengard @shikshinkwon

#writing #charles leclerc #fiction #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc x female reader #cl16 x reader #charles leclerc imagines #cl16 #charles leclerc blurb #charles leclerc fanfic #f1 x oc #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 x reader

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liyuee-qixing · 2 years

Text

“Noble Princess”

You're the tsaritsa daughter and the snezhnaya princess,after you finish your study on Sumeru academia she decided you're mature enough to be married with one of her Faithful Servant Harbinger.

Note:I thought the last one wouldn't blow up and I could just leave it be but hey, here's second part😟,I think I might as well up this on AO3 and WP and make it as series or a singular fanfic

Scaramouche is a little pathetic but that how I like my men

Character: Scaramouche,IL Dottore,Sandrone

PT.1 (la Signora, Tartaglia, Pantalone)

Pt 3:

scaramouche

Look. He definitely,100% and absolutely not the type of person to have a crush on someone, especially you,yea you. But- BUT YOU MADE HIS STONE HARD HEART ACHES SO BAD

he tries to look calm and collected when you're around. He try to look like he didn't care about what are you talking about. (Keyword:try) but then failed miserably

The fatui agent and subordinates have been talking about him being so soft recently. THAT ALL BECAUSE OF YOU FAULT.

He know he's not on your rank. He won't try as much as raises his voice to you,he try to change his personality when you're around,the harbinger already notice about his personality change.

He only join the fatui so he can achieve the gnosis for himself,but now that you were introduced to him,he want you. More than how he want the gnosis

Jealousy issues lmaosudoshdi

HE'S VERY AND VERY VERY VEYR TOUCH STARVED. JUST GIVE HIM A HUG AND HE'LL BE BLUSHING AS SHKT

"you piece of shit,can't any of you do a simple work done for once-" the balladeer shout angrily at his subordinate who kneeling in front of him.

"my lord scaramouche,the princess has requested to meet you,do you-"say a fatui subordinate. Kneeling behind him.

"approved, dismissed! All of you" he shouted once again,the fatui subordinate was gone. He had a glimpse of happiness when he heard your step

"Your highness,what do I owe you the pleasure?"he offer you a small thin smile painted on his face,a genuine one.

"don't be so formal,balladeer. This is sort of random,but have you see the ninth?" His smile never faded away so fast,he frowned. What Business do you have with Pantalone? Do you like him?

"I'm sorry for my rudeness,but why do you need him?" He asked,it now obvious he's jealous. Because of what? Because of Pantalone being your favorite Harbinger? Because of someone he doesn't own hanging with other person?

"isn't he's free today,I thought strolling around the palace with someone is so much better than alone,ah. I must have disturb your work longer,I apologize. I'll leave now" you explained,you quickly picking you speed going away from the sixth

"wait no! I'm free,I can accompany you if you want,I can take you anywhere you want" out of the sudden he reached for your hand and linked his hand with yours

"out of the sudden? I don't see why not though"you smiled at him,it bought a glimpse of happiness to his face as well also maybe a LITTLE blush definitely didn't spread all over his face. Yes definitely not 😊

Il Dottore

He was never loved. All he get in life is discrimination and hate. But now he's craving for your attention. no,no,no he shouldn't fall in love with you.

He's probably too shy or hesitant to talk to you. You're not on his rank so he has to be careful with his word

He doesn't really have time to spend,so he only see you whenever you pass by. But it was enough to make his day

He got jealous whenever you spend more Time with his clone

He often caught you staring at him a little bit longer than you supposed to. He'd be panicked,is it a hint of something? Did he do something wrong? Is there something on his face? Is he too handsome? No that out of line,he just pretend it never happened and that he never saw you staring at him. Yeah definitely not..

He saw you multiple times braiding Signora and Pantalone hair. He always craved that,ugh. Even damslette and Childe get that treatment,how come he doesn't???!?!?!?!

It all until he saw one of his clone in you lap under a tree,you were braiding his hair slowly and carefully.. that when jealousy burst into him,the closest things happen to him was an eye contact,how come his clone get to take a nap on your lap

It's currently a good weather on snezhnaya,it not really snowy as it always do. You were currently sitting under a tree by your self alone. It until the fourth of the harbinger pass by. Your eyes was locked on his back, without of you realizing,he was aware you was staring at him "your highness, you've been staring at me way too long,is there something I could help you with?" He asked,his flat and cold tone was like the usual. The only difference is that his voice was lot softer

"ah. I'm sorry,I didn't realize I stared at you for way too long to the moment of your discomfort"you was startled at first,not expecting him to be aware of you staring at him

"I'm interested in your thoughts actually,So go ahead,tell me what you have in mind" he asked, walking closer to your sitting figure. Waiting for an answer

"I wonder if I could braid your hair,but if you don't want to, it's fine. I could move on,I mean I always do it to another harbinger and i-"you finally spit your thoughts out. Hearing the name of 'other harbinger' make Dottore ear burn. Do he own you? No. THEN WHY DOES HE FELT THIS WAY,WHY DOES HE FEEL SO JEALOUS

"so you're interested in them? Then go ahead if it what you desire" Dottore look a little hesitant at first,but he can't just let you slip out and ask other harbinger to braid their hair lovingly!

So you did, you lay his head on your lap as you braided his hair,at first he was hesitant and nervous as heck. But as the time passed he become more relaxed

You probably just made him fall for you even harder. Poor man just wanna be loved

Sandrone

When she first met you,she stares at you way and WAYY to long.

She'll write every single of your special interest,your preference, everything about you,she even draw you on her journal

She's a quiet and Mysterious lover. . She rather watch you from afar than to approach you.

Buttt... If a harbinger ever made her felt jealous,she should not lose you. Especially if it tartaglia,she couldn't lose you to him! Heck no!

When you requested for her assistance, she is more than happy to accept it. Through the whole assistance process she compliment you all the times,it make you felt very flustered. Your heart would aches when she say good things about you

That royal uniform you were today? Hey! That perfectly matches you! Your jewelry,your make up,your touch? Everything about you is perfect on her eyes.

"your document have something wrong with it"she said as she look through your documents,your eyebrow knitted together,what possibly goes wrong?

"What wrong?" You asked, looking a bit in panic as you looked at Sandrone frowning face.

"Your name doesn't have my last name in it,is it a technical issues?" She said along with a small giggle,you sigh,it just Sandrone being Sandrone.

"Don't be so panicked, darling,sooner or later, you'll have my last name on your name"she giggled once again,you also giggled at it,but deep inside you know she was being dead serious me when

THIS IS SO BADLY MADE AND LIKE 20 MINUTES LATE TO BE UPLOADED,I HAD TO RUSH BEFORE THE CLOCK HIT 00:00 BUT IT WAS 00:20 AS I WRITE THIS SO IM SO SO SO SORRY.

#sandrone #genshin imagines #dottore fluff #dottore x reader #fiction #genshin headcanons #scaramouche #scaramouche fluff #fatui x reader

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mcu-fan-fics-blog · 7 months

Text

Remember a Time XII

Series: (Pt.1), (P.t 2), (P.t 3), (P.t 4), (P.t 5), (P.t 6), (P.t 7), (P.t 8), (P.t 9), (P.t 10) Wanda Maximoff x Fem! Reader, Natasha Romanoff x Fem! Reader ;) (High school Au ) No Powers Word count: 1931 A/n: Hello It's me again. I've got another update for you guys!!! I hope you're liking the story so far. let me know in the comments I'd appreciate it.

“Why’d you do it then?” The question hung in the air. It was a tough subject. There was too much hanging on that answer. But she didn’t seem to falter. She’d thought about that moment as much as you had apparently. “Because you wouldn’t have done it. So I told you to leave, you were building something real. And it took me a while to realize, but so was I.” Wanda’s words were well thought out and you hated to admit it, but she was right. “You built an amazing family Wanda, your boy’s are beautiful.” The twins brought something out in her, it was amazing to watch the pure love and adoration in her eyes as she watched them. “Thank you, they are amazing aren't they?” You nodded a small smile already forming on your face. “I wouldn’t have left.” You admitted. “Thank you for that.” You said, a bittersweet feeling passing through you both.

New years was just another day for you, your mother and father had made plans abroad already, and it was too late for you to prepare for such a trip. You spent that new year alone, well not really but, It felt like it. Tony’s New years party was packed this year full with rowdy college kids who also looked as dorky and entitled as Tony. He however had Pepper at his side. You were relieved when Tony mentioned that Natasha had declined his invitation so you had one thing off your mind. Well not really it was all you could think of it plagued you, and having her there would only positively make it worse. “Why are you such a Debbie downer?” Tony was now very drunk and he was slurring lightly. “No reason really, it’s just my whole world being upside down.” He scoffs in your face. “You’r girlfriend broke up with you Boo fucking hooo. There are worse things that can happen to you.” The jab was direct and right on the money. “Fuck you too Tony. It’s not just that and you know it.” He shook his head. “I don’t you both refuse to talk about it, and you both think that you are the wronged party in the situation so I actually don't know.”

You sighed in relief when you saw Pepper walking towards the both of you. “And you won't find out today.” Him and made quick work of the exchange. You handed Tony off to Pepper and she gave you a grateful look before you left towards the door. You saw the last person you wanted to see in that very moment, Natasha’s car was pulling into her driveway. You would have closed the door and walked back into the house if you weren’t positive she’d made eye contact with you. You toughed it out and made the short walk to your house watching as Natasha not so subtly stole glances in your direction. You’d made it to your steps when you heard her call out. “Happy New year Y/n.” You wanted to cry, your eyes already burned and your throat felt tight. You nodded. “Happy New year…” Your voice came out clipped and you saw her face falter. You turned and made your way inside when you felt the burning in your eyes intensify. Was this what you were reduced to? Pleasantries that aren’t genuine. Before you could shut the door properly the door was stopped.

When you turned to check what it was, it was a very familiar boot. “Can we not?” You asked, your voice sounding urged. “Why are you acting like this? I- Did I really mean that little?” Your anger burned. “I came back and you were gone!” You stated. “Did I mean anything to you then?” Your pain was raw and she could feel that. “You left Y/n, you left first, you left for her.” You nodded. “I did! And I would do it again Natasha. If you don’t know that about me by now then you don’t know me.” It was starting to dawn on Natasha that she might not be on the right side of this argument. But she's never been the one to back down so instead she doubled down. “I know that you were a love sick puppy following her around even if it hurt you.” You were yelling at each other by now. “She was family before she was anything else.” Your words were clear and concise, anger seeping through every syllable. “My friend, my brother died! And when I came back the one person I wanted to see was gone.” Natasha’s anger was now replaced by guilt. She was now trying to back track but she couldn’t. “And where were you?” You asked, looking right through her.

Your voice cracked and your tears were hot on your cheeks. Her presence was burning your skin, her voice was making your head pound. You couldn’t hold it back anymore. “That’s right! You were letting someone else fuck you.” You cried even more tears reliving the memory. You’d rushed to Natasha's apartment, hoping to work things out hoping to just hear her voice even if she kicked you out, and slammed the door in your face. You knocked out of courtesy but when you didn’t get a response you’d use your key, she'd given them to you after all. The sight that greeted you was not pleasant. Clothes were thrown haphazardly around the apartment, the general destination being Natasha’s bedroom. The sounds coming from the room were all the confirmation you needed. “So you tell me, how much did I mean to you then?” Her words were gone. Her anger was gone. But you were just getting started. Or so she thought,

“Leave…” You said through tears and the anger still bubbling in your chest. Natasha panicked and said the only thing that came to mind. “No.” It was not that she realized that your eyes were on the ground. “I can’t even look at you…” Your words were pained.

Pietro had passed not long after you’d gotten to the hospital. Your main job was to hold Wanda's broken pieces together. She’d crumbled when the Doctors gave her the news. You saw a piece of her die that very moment. Your embrace was grounding her, you still remember how she clawed at your arms, the very ground she was standing on was taken out from under her and you were her only life line, keeping her from disappearing into the nothingness. You remember the shock that ran through her in waves. You remember her parents walking into the hospital barely holding themselves together for their daughter. Everything was really a blur after they got there. You remember being in a car next to Wanda who’s hand lived in your shaky grip. “I'm here…” You whispered when she moved to hold you.

It was a mistake, something that Natasha shouldn't have let happen. It was a mistake, one that you’d never find out about. She cared for you not Maria, she loved you. But you were nowhere to be found. Your apartment remained untouched, and every night that passed since she has regretted her words. It was driving her crazy, not hearing from you. Her mind would race with thoughts, fueled by her own guilty conscience. What if this was it for you, what if this was what made you realize that your place wasn’t with her but with Wanda. What if this was the sign that you were waiting for. She did hear about Pietro’s passing from Yelena who seemed worried. “She’s here, Why aren’t you?” Yelena was good at reading situations, but this time she was utterly stumped. Natasha didn’t answer her question. It was a long two months that had passed by and still not a single word from you. She’d called and texted, she’d even emailed but nothing seemed to get through. Maybe you had thought better about it, maybe it was for the best.

“Y/n/…” Her whisper was just about enough to get you crying again. “I came back to you.” Your words sounded cold. “You were supposed to be different.” You said. “And now I can't look at you without remembering the worst moments of my life. I can’t.” You sounded defeated. “You can’t feel that way forever…” Natasha whispered, trying to catch your eyes. You shook your head. “I won’t, but I am right now and I can't help it. Who was it, did I know them?” Your question left her stunned for another moment, her throat suddenly dry. “Maria…” She knew that wasn’t going to fair well but she figured being honest about it would make it easier to get it out of the way now. Because even now in this moment she knew this wasn’t going to be the end of it. You’d heard her name before and you had seen her on occasion when you’d attend Natasha’s games, you knew her.

“Leave…” It came out harsher than you expected but it was the only thing you could do. But Natasha she just had to know, she needed to know. “Did… Did you and Wanda…” The words were quiet, too quiet. The look on your face said it all, she shouldn’t have asked. “Would it be easier for you if I had… It would, wouldn't it? It would make you feel so much better.” You shook your head. Finally managing to get her though the door you closed the door and this time she let you.

You cried that night, you cried a lot thinking about everything that happened and how you would deal with it. You couldn't, you didn’t know where to start. This was no longer about just you, it was about everything. You’d just lost Pietro, and Natasha too. And Wanda didn’t want you near her at least not anymore. You could still hear her words echo through you. “You need to leave.” She’d said it a couple of days after Pietro's funeral. You’d spent the two weeks leading up to it practically glued to her side. “Excuse me…” You were making her some tea. She hadn’t been up to the task of sleeping, so you were making tea. “I think it’s time that you go.” She said again looking at her hands. When her eyes met yours she could see the surprise in them. “It’s no problem Wanda. I squared everything away with my professors, they understand.” She cut you off again when you tried to explain further. “No, Y/n it’s time for you to go.” This time her words were harsher.

That’s when it clicked… She didn’t want you there anymore. She didn’t need you there anymore. You nodded. “I’m always a phone call away…” You said quietly. When you started making your way around the counter her hand reached out to yours. Her eyes were watering. “Leave tomorrow…” You swallowed the lump in your throat and nodded. She’d hugged you so tightly that night, but you didn’t mention it. As awful as it sounded, you wanted your last moments together to be just that. Neither of you slept that night, when the sun began to shine through her blinds her hold on you loosened. The exchange was quiet, it was now you that was gripping her close to you. “It’s time.” She whispered. You nodded, holding her a moment longer. “Goodbye Wands.” You’d let her go then. The nickname caught her off guard. By the time she came back you were already walking out and closing her bedroom door.

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tellthemeerkatsitsfine · 2 months

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I really do need to take back everything I said about being concerned that John Robins quitting alcohol might make him less bitter and miserable and therefore less funny, because aside from all the stuff I’ve already said about how that’s not how it works and healthy people make better art and health is more important than art and all that shit, based on my experiences from the last few months, I can confirm that stopping drinking does not make people less miserable or bitter. Very much the opposite, so no worries there. I don’t know what I’m getting into with post-Darkness of Robins John Robins, but if he “loses his edge” in any way, it won’t be because of getting sober, I’m pretty sure there’s no danger of that making people happy.

However, I’m a couple of months into the episodes with his relationship, and he just spent two entire links in a row trying to explain what’s so great about the television show Queer Eye For the Straight Guy, explaining that his girlfriend got him into it, and more than once saying “He’s our favourite” about one of the Queer Guys, and saying it with not nearly enough irony, I mean I’m not sure there’s enough irony in the world to make it acceptable to say “He’s our favourite” to describe part of a TV show you’re watching with your romantic partner, but John wasn’t even trying to make a joke about it, said it with just the slightest hint of “knowingness” that that’s an annoying thing that annoying couples do, but mainly just played it straight (pun truly not intended), and I might just have to skip to 2022. Because becoming the kind of person who quits drinking is a change from the comedian I liked, but a healthy one that I can get behind and think it could lead him to be a different but even better type of comedian. But this other shit – that will get unbearable fast. Please don’t start doing that.

And obviously right after I thought that he starts explaining about how Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is a great show because it examines toxic masculinity and how we all need to stop tearing each other down with “banter” and bonding by slagging each other off, and start being nice to each other. And then I felt bad, because I’m mainly so easily annoyed by annoying couple things because I was hanging out with my friend and his wife and uncomfortable because he and I based an excellent friendship for many years around going to pubs and slagging each other off, and now being with him is “polite company” because I don’t know his wife that well and I don’t know what you’re allowed to say mean things about now that we’re all proper adults so we just have a polite chat and go home, and they were telling me about TV shows that five years ago he and I would have mercilessly made fun of (probably with some problematic undertones that it’s genuinely good we wouldn’t do so much anymore) and there was a lot of “oh he’s our favourite” in the descriptions of it, and it was so uncomfortable to just say yep, I know what you mean, sounds like fun. So then today I listen to John Robins do the same thing on the radio, and I roll my eyes about it, and then he explains that this Queer Eye TV show has made him realize some moving things about how we need to base our friendships on being nice to each other and not being mean to each other even though “banter”. Which I guess would include not being a dick about it if your friend gets a wife and starts watching different TV shows, and also not being annoyed that you can’t be a dick to him about the TV shows he watches in front of his wife. Which is probably a better way to live.

(Slight correction that I couldn’t fit within the above already convoluted paragraph: technically John said he learned that male friendships need to change this way, not friendships in general. But I grew up with almost entirely male friends and definitely internalized some amount of low-level laddishness – progressive ladishness, all my friends are politically progressive, but still, we based a lot of our friendships on making fun of each other’s drinking abilities and some other shitty things that I don't really want to admit – which creates an odd situation of me being a socialist feminist woman who’s also got some of the problems that men with internalized toxic masculinity have. A situation that I have almost never seen anyone describe apart from a few bits by the excellent comedy duo Shelf. The point is that whatever he's saying about the problematic nature of male friendships based on toxic banter definitely apply here.)

Anyway, I’ll try to be less judgmental of people I know in real life (not just because of what John Robins said about Queer Eye, I'd been thinking I should do that anyway), since my level of judgement of people I know in real life is a thing that actually matters and has an effect on the world, and obviously I’m very pleased that my friend is happy. But in the meantime, I can’t give up all at once how hard the whole “now that we’re a couple we share a favourite character” thing makes every muscle in my body tense up, so I am going to reserve the right to continue getting annoyed with a stranger on the radio for doing that, as that annoyance does not actually affect anything. Please, John. Please tone it down.

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starrook · 8 months

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"Happy birthday, Alcryst!"

Diamant greets his brother with a grin and open arms, wrapping them about the younger man in a hug. As much as he held back emotionally, to cast off his weaknesses and do his nation proud, the Brodian was never one to withhold affection for his family. Love had never been a point of shame in their household—not with Mother, Citrinne, and certainly not Father.

He could just imagine that laugh now. Booming through the halls, followed by promises of a feast, and heapings of praise for his birthday boy.

And though Diamant lacked their father's... boisterous nature, he had just as much love in his heart. He'd spent too much time scolding and arguing with Father in his last years—he would not make that mistake with Alcryst, and give him any reason to doubt the importance he held in his life.

The hug lasts longer than he intends, and he gives Alcryst a gentle squeeze before pulling away.

"Honestly," Diamant chuckles, "My first thought was to take a page out of Father's book and arrange a grand feast for the occasion, but I didn't want to overwhelm you, either. So... how about a trip? I've found some great fishing spots in the area, and even had a special rod commissioned for you!"

"It's light enough to be wieldy, but sturdy and durable. It's got great bend, an impressive casting reach, and is carved from a fine piece of maple sent in from home—" He pauses mid-ramble, catching himself before he talked the poor boy's ear off. "And... well. You'll see. I've got it back in my room... we could head out after classes are done. Ah—if you'd like, of course."

Alcryst loves birthdays. The idea of celebrating person's life and loving them for simply existing fills his heart with an indescribable joy. How ironic that the very thing that appeals to him regarding other's birthdays absolutely repulses him when it comes to his own.

Because really, what's there to celebrate? It's a miserable thought, he knows, yet there's an undeniable truth to it. Diamant was surely much more accomplished at eighteen than Alcryst is now. That's been the case at seventeen, sixteen, fifteen...

Diamant should care, but he doesn't. Instead Alcryst finds himself pulled into one of his brother's signature bear hugs, surrounded by warmth and made small, protective. When he was younger, all he ever wanted was the chance to make Diamant laugh as he does now. Maybe there's nothing in Alcryst's life worth celebrating today, but to see that joy on his brother's face... he can try. If not for himself, then for Dee.

"A fishing trip sounds wonderful!" Their schedules don't always give them the chance to just hang out together: opportunities like these are precious, never something to be wasted. The commissioned rod sounds like a dream, something that Diamant purchased for himself, but when Alcryst realizes that it's a gift for him... he lights up in genuine joy. He doesn't even stop to consider if he's allowed to be happy. He just is.

"Hehe, what do you mean if I'd like? I'd love to!" Teasing words lead into another big hug, this time initiated by Alcryst. "Thank you so, so much!"

#heriteur #wahhh...... big bro....

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roppongi-division · 1 month

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It was in the evening in the city of Roppongi and Kai Quinlan was sitting in his living room relaxing after a long while of mixing and recording music, despite his family's protests, he wanted to get some work done today despite it being his birthday and now that he had, he was more than willing to spend the rest of his day relaxing and spending it with the people he loves most.

The doorbell got his attention, sighing, the DJ got up and walked towards the door. Upon opening it, he frowned as he saw no one outside until he looked down and his eyes widen at the amount of gifts left on the doorstep. Thankfully not all of them were big so he didn't have too much trouble carrying them back to the living room where he placed them on the table.

Wondering where to start, Kai eventually just shrugged and went for the biggest one in the pile which turned out to be...

A tesla coil-esque touchtable, Kai let out a whistle upon seeing it. He had seen them before but never did had the time to purchase one, there was also a card along with the present.

'Happy Birthday to my 2nd favorite Wolf!

Hope you're doing well, tell the wife and "kid" I said hi, also consider this both a present and a thank you for all that you've done for me.

- Vox'

The next gift revealed to be...

A glow in the dark wolf statue and dreamcatcher, much like the turntable, this one also came with a card.

'Haaaaaappy Birthdaaaay, Wolfie!

Voxie told me that it was your birthday today and I wanted to get you something special! That, and as a thank you for helping me with my upcoming song! Hope you have a good day~

- Jinx <3'

The last (or well, last two) present(s) revealed to be...

A miniature disco ball and a headphone hanger, just like the last two gifts, this one as well came with a card.

'Happy Birthday, Kai!

Long time no see! Are you and Mireya doing well? Also tell Zakari, I said hi! I heard it was your birthday today so I sent you some gifts, I do hope you like them! Hopefully one of these days we can meet up and catch up on each other's lives, I bet you have all sorts of exciting stories to tell.

I hope you have a very wonderful birthday!

- Sayaka M.'

Happy Birthday Kai! 🖤

Hours later...

"Is your father still in his studio?" Mireya asked, as she was carrying three large boxes of pizza into the dining room where Zakari was.

"Yup." Zakari answered, sitting at one of the chairs. "Ever since he got those birthday gifts from earlier, he hasn't left the room since."

"Well can you please go tell him that dinner's ready?" Mireya asked. "He's the one who insisted on having pizza for his birthday. And it wasn't exactly easy to find a place in Japan that makes New-York style pizza."

With a sigh, the son got up from the dinner table and walked to his father's music studio. He was thankful it was on the same floor as the kitchen and dining room.

"Hey dad," Zakari called, with a knock on the room door. "The pizza's here. Mom said come and get it."

Unfortunately, there was no response on the other side of the door.

"Dad?" Zakari called again, but still no response. The 22-year-old sighed and prepared to open the door. He knew his father didn't exactly like to be disturbed when he was in his studio, as he often went in there to think and come up with ideas.

But the young lad was starving, and he really wanted to hurry up and eat! So, taking the leap, Zakari opened the door to the studio... only to find the room completely dark.

...Well, almost completely dark, save a brightly-colored disco ball that was now hanging up in the middle of the ceiling, a ghostly green dreamcatcher that was acting as a nightlight, and a tesla coil-esque touch table that was currently shooting off static electricity inside a large clear like bulb. Zakari blinked as the place looked like a genuine nightclub or dance parlor.

Looking off to the side, he saw the man in question, his father, Kai, with his signature headphones on, bobbing his head to a hard rock beat, no doubt for the musician known as "Vox". Knowing better than to disturb him when he was in, what him and Mireya called, "The Zone", Zakari softly closed the door behind him and walked back to the kitchen.

"He said to go and eat without him," he said as he returned to the kitchen where his mom was waiting. "Just to make sure you save him a box."

His mother, believing her son's lie, sighed and placed her husband's pizza box on the stove, before grabbing a couple of slices of pizza and heading to the living room. As she left, a small smirk appeared on Zakari's face as he quickly filled up his plate with his own slices. When he was done, he headed back to his room, but not before passing the music studio where his father was still working. He smirked as he quickly ran upstairs, a sly look on his face.

"Sorry pops. First come, first served!"

#hypmic #hypmic oc #hypnosis mic #hypnosis mic oc #hypnosis microphone #private party #roppongi division #kai quinlan #mireya quinlan #zakari hiroya #ren nakashima #kaiji sano #sayaka miyuki #happy birthday kai 2024

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jettorii · 1 year

Note

My Movieverse Play-by-Play (if you’re interested:

- The Good Morning Ninjago segment at the beginning may have started out as an actual segment but the birthday bit was DEFINITELY Lloyd’s internalization of his Issues. Might have even been a dream considering how he was asleep at this time.

- The whole thing being a dream would also say some pretty funny stuff about how he sees both the news anchor and himself and his fellow ninjas.

- Garmadon really did try to call him in order to wish him a happy birthday. He does it over breakfast. He tries to play it cool in order to come off as suave and interesting, but ends up coming across as an asshole instead. He gets Lloyd’s age wrong, makes a couple comments about how ugly he was as a baby and then somehow forgets to actually wish him a happy birthday before he hangs up to go to work. (He may have tried and failed to cheekily tell him that he has big plans to conquer Ninjago today but if he does it completely goes over Lloyd’s head.)

- Zane is CONSTANTLY attempting to relate to Lloyd by referencing Cool Teen stuff, but he does such a horrible, horrible job with it that Lloyd just thinks he’s doing a really bad job at trying to disguise his being a robot. He is also constantly trying to Emotionally Relate to Lloyd in order to make him feel better, but is just. The worst at it.

- Lloyd thinks Nia is an absolute badass, which is why he imagines her riding a motorcycle into the school building. She’s probably much sweeter in reality (especially to Jay, who is her boyfriend) but he just thinks she’s so cool and awesome and badass that he always sees her as an absolute rocker chick.

- Lloyd thinks Cole is awesome, too — to a bit of a lesser extent but not by much. He’s mainly kind of a stable, grounding figure. Unlike Zane, Cole actually does a pretty good job at relating to Teen stuff, especially when it comes to music, so the two of them vibe quite a bit. Maybe he even sneaks Lloyd into the concerts he DJs at sometimes! (Maybe he introduced Lloyd to Scene Kid music — *gets shot*)

- Kai is super passionate and openly affectionate, like, ALL the time, hence the big birthday hug at the beginning. Kai wants Lloyd to think he’s awesome, too, but he. Tries a bit too hard :/ So Lloyd sees him as a bit of an overzealous dork. But that’s NOTHING compared to

- Jay, who tries so, SO hard to get Lloyd to see him as a Big Strong Hero and Older Brother Figure (maybe even like he did when he was a little kid) but constantly screws it up to the point where it backfires into making him look like just. The BIGGEST loser (affectionate). But he’s honestly the most, like, emotionally intelligent member of the squad? Which is why we get little throwaway lines like “They’ve all got their quirks, you know?” and “Maybe I should take your father this time!” and even that little close up shot of his face after Lloyd snaps at Garmadon publicly. Because even if Lloyd doesn’t see him as a badass, necessarily, he does see him as a very heartfelt friend (which ironically is probably one of the last things Jay would have expected lol).

- That cheerleader squad at the beginning with the “Boo Lloyd” chant thing was WAYY less successful in reality, because it’s just So Ridiculous. Unfortunately it stuck in his head because Lloyd is just so sick of getting bullied all the time (hence it somehow showing up on the RADIO), so the other ninjas don’t bring it up in front of him — but they totally cackle about it when he’s not there because it’s just so over-the-top DUMB.

- The ninjas let him take the lead on missions usually because they think Lloyd is genuinely a pretty good strategist. He gets it from his dad!

- During that fight scene at the beginning, when Lloyd was trying to get his dad to say he cared about him, Garmadon was legit just trying to throw the Green Ninja off his scent. When Lloyd accidentally slipped and said “what happened to your child,” Garmadon immediately tried to distance his son from him as to not make him a target. This backfired, obviously.

- The scene at the volcano had a LOT more of Garmadon ranting about his son to his generals. Lloyd isn’t really in a headspace to get this, so we only see a small hint of this with the line “I’m not your father” (“is that a weird thing to say to us?”) while in actuality Lloyd was a MUCH bigger part of his motives. Hence them choosing to throw both him AND Lloyd into the volcano later down the line.

- A lot of the background characters are really just voicing Lloyd’s inner monologue. Like when they’re wondering why the Ninjas don’t just get rid of Garmadon already. This happens with the side characters too, like when Garmadon commented on “all that information [playing catch] is just sitting in his brain, un-utilized”, or when his mom was on the phone and said that she knew the neighbor said they never wanted Lloyd to play with their kid despite Lloyd being sixteen and not at the age where that would be something adults would typically be saying to one another.

- The ninjas are all actually much more competent than they’re shown in the film, but Lloyd always feels stupid whenever he’s trying to learn their moves and hide behind bamboo and stuff, so they LOOK really stupid to reflect this.

- On a similar note, Lord Garmadon is actually WAY more intimidating, but 1) Lloyd is too pissed at him to be scared and 2) Garmadon tries to make jokes with him post realizing that this is his son, thereby making him seem goofier than how he normally acts.

- Sensei Wu legitimately learned how to play Emo songs on his flute just to try and relate to his nephew. (Cole probably taught him.)

- Lloyd’s mom is actually way spunkier, but he sees her as way softer and stuff because she always makes a point to be very kind and loving to him.

- When Lloyd first threatens to use the ultimate weapon, Garmadon is legit trying to defuse the situation and frantically trying to calm him down because he and Wu are the only ones who know what that thing is, but Lloyd is so on edge that he sees it as way more threatening than it actually is.

- Lloyd being the Green Ninja is actually a Way Bigger Deal to Garmadon than it seems at first, hence the whole Record Scratch thing. This was a BIG twist for them, and Garmadon is actually pretty emotional about it, but Lloyd is just completely pissed off and unable to see that.

- Likewise, the rooftop pool party is almost entirely Lloyd’s enraged imagination regarding what went on after he left. His mother’s appearance was the closest to what actually happened, though it was still MUCH less chill when it actually happened. (Might be a result of Garmadon trying to play it cool when he retells it later lol)

- The ninjas don’t actually blame Lloyd that much for the weapon disaster: they didn’t know either! But Lloyd feels so guilty and everyone is so frantic that he interprets it like that anyway. Also they were totally freaking out way more than he remembers: he was feeling a bit too guilty to pay attention to that.

- Lloyd thought Wu said “Ultimate Omelette Weapon” at first and was so embarrassed that he pretended that his dad thought that instead.

- Garmadon specifically went after them to try and find Lloyd, actually, but Wu (understandably) beat his ass the moment they made eye contact.

- Wu and Garmadon keep promoting the books they wrote lmao, it’s like a weird midlife crisis thing

- The other ninjas took the chance to actually try to get to know Garmadon, who was trying to get close to his sob for once. This includes them trying to prompt him to join in by playfully ribbing him.

- Again, the former General Number Ones DEFINITELY targeted Lloyd as well as Garmadon when they captured those two. AbsolUTEly. No other way to explain why they left the other five ninjas completely unscathed. The “And this random ki-ID!” line is a cheeky nod to how Lloyd is seeing the situation as opposed to what’s actually going on.

- The “who would make fun of you for that” line was an attempted apology done very, very poorly.

- Not an addition but “I think I might be an adrenaline junkie” is an underrated line.

- Them saying that they need to be better friends is Lloyd’s mind’s way of crying out for their help when he thinks he’s about to die in a volcano. He still needs his older siblings :)

- That one General Number One ABSOLUTELY targeted Lloyd specifically when his arm got ripped of are you kidding me.

- Also I can’t decide if the others were panicking more or less than he imagined when he lost his arm. (Same with Lloyd: can’t decide if he was ACTUALLY that calm or if he was babbling in terror and pain as they tried to calm him down lol)

- Garmadon actually was trying to suggest they try to be a family again, but again: he FUCKED it UUUUP.

- Lloyd didn’t actually remind them of their powers: he just helped them keep their cool and follow a plan to get out of there. (Like I said: they let him be the leader because he’s genuinely their best strategist.)

- “No. I thought being dead would make you listen to me more. And I was right!” LMAO

- Lloyd doesn’t actually reveal his identity to the world at the end, it’s just a metaphor for how he’s actually opening up and finally letting his dad in.

- His apology to his mom for taking her for granted is kinda aimed at all the ninjas, too :)

HEJEHEHWHE THANK YOU FOR WAITING!!!!! I READ IT ALL AND AHRVRHHHG IM EATING THIS ALL UP

im pretty sure i said this in my last reply but. the fact that you put these notes with lloyds perspective in mind makes my perception of the entire movie so much more enjoyable to think of :]

the way you wrote how garmadon genuinely cares for lloyd but keeps fucking up is so ogugh to me???? and how he has lloyd in mind throughout each of his actions is SO heartwaming to me im going to sob

AND THE. THING YOU WROTE ABOUT LLOYD NOT ACTUALLY REVEALING HIS IDENTITY AND IT ACTUALLY JUST BEING A METAPHOR IS SO GOOD PLEASE this helps so much in finalizing/continuing to build my views of the movie specifically with your thoughts in mind and i could genuinely see all of this being apart of the movie

thank you SO MUCH for sending all of this!!!! i really appreciate hearing all your thoughts n i absolutely loved reading all of them hohooho i am going to save this because omg. thank you again my love muah <3333

#I HAVE BEEN THINKING ANOUT THIS EVER SINCE I FINSIHED READING IT #AND FONALLY FOUND THE TOME TO WRITE A RESPINCE #THANK YOU. SO MUCH FOR THE DETAILED ASK #AND TUDOWN OF LLOYDS SILLY LITTLE PERSPECTIVE OGUGH #ninja sillies #jettbox #<333

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unshackled-instinct · 1 year

Text

"That concert went really well," Athena smiled at Iori as they enjoyed their drinks at the bar. "I liked those solos you played." She was not one to have alcoholic beverages most of the time, but tonight was an exception for her. She went for a wine spritzer of sorts, which turned out to be light and refreshing on her palette. Iori, on the other hand, opted for stronger liquor - bourbon, to be exact.

Iori stared at her for a short moment, and nodded as if to say, "Thank you."

"It's funny," she continued, now looking down at her drink. "We've been performing gigs for quite a while now, but...we don't hang out very often."

Iori hummed as he processed what she said, a million thoughts going through his mind. Taking a sip of his bourbon, it helped to relax him a little. However, it didn’t entirely quell the storm that was brewing in his mind.

She already knew the reason why, though – Iori normally views his birthdays as just another day in the year, seldom celebrating them. And it was due to his family’s dark secret – something Iori had to keep under wraps for all these years. And with every passing birthday, he was inching that much closer to dying young.

All because his clan signed a blood pact with Orochi.

"It's just..." she hesitated, trying to think of something to say that won't pry too deep into his personal life, knowing that this was a very sensitive topic. There was a reason why Iori usually snarled at the reporters who attempted to interview him during the KOF tournaments.

"It's just what?" he asked as he glanced at her.

"Well...it's your birthday today, and I wouldn't mind celebrating it with you."

She saw him tensing ever-so-slightly, which caused her to feel a twinge of guilt. Did she go too far with her question? All because she wanted to perform an act of kindness for the man who was a violent brute in the ring?

“I’m…I’m sorry,” she meekly apologized, her expression crestfallen. “I didn’t want to –“

“Don’t be.” Iori replied. He knew that she wanted his friendship, as she was the only contestant to ever show him some sort of kindness. She was also among the few that he was somewhat friendlier towards, the other being Chizuru Kagura.

"If you say so!" Athena chirped, even though she was still cautious about overstepping his boundaries. At this moment, Athena suddenly remembered something crucial, and she had to do it before the end of the night.

“Oh…I brought you something,” she said as she slid a small package to him. He took it into his large hands, opening it as he did so.

Inside the box was…a cute charm of a cat sitting on a crescent moon. He was somewhat confused at first, wondering why she even got him that in the first place. He had received gifts and chocolates from female fans in the past…but this time was different.

Athena couldn’t help but giggle upon seeing Iori’s reaction. The normally intimidating fighter was almost like an embarrassed schoolboy.

It was kind of…cute seeing that from him, of all people. It didn’t last long, though, as his expression returned to his usual scowl.

“I knew you liked cats, so I thought you’d appreciate it.”

Iori paused for a moment, processing what happened. He was not one to divulge his personal life very much, even with his band mates. His love of cats was usually kept to himself, as he often cares for strays and sometimes adopts them.

Athena’s gesture was sincere, and he began to appreciate her effort. He was also starting to enjoy her company, and not just as a fellow musician. For the first time, he found himself desiring a genuine friendship with her, and he even found her to be cute - although he would tell no one about that.

“Thank you.”

“Happy birthday, Iori.”

#birthday drabble #drabble #idol girl

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vanillajunmyeon · 2 years

Text

So fun things, I did write a couple of posts about a guy at work I found hot (and I wrote easily dozens of tweets on my priv about him and how much I found him attractive and so on)

And I did try to be brave, after months of looking at him from afar and vaguely flirting and having several people lowkey know something was up (and also him literally telling me his roommate had left and he was alone at his place the day before). I asked him out (while he was also asking me out which was funny - like him telling me we can do something together if you want, me ignoring him and going forward until I said my whole speech which did end up in telling him we should hang out. Funny indeed), and the set up was sort of very normal for a first date.

After asking him out, I kind of freaked out; I was happy, at least that’s how I understood it, but I saw him by chance after work outside and I practically ran away from him, minutes away from having a panic attack. I genuinely thought I was just apprehending the... date? we were supposed to have. But then, I also avoided him the next day - which he noticed (he sent me a message saying we didn’t really see each other today, maybe it was his fault for being too much in the office but it was 100% deliberate on my part). I think at one point we saw each other and he gave me a sweet grin but nothing more.

The day after that was the day of the date and I also spent the day avoiding him even more. In the evening however was the moment for the date so I couldn’t exactly avoid him anymore. We went to a bar, as planned, had a drink, talked a bit. Sure it was pretty awkward, and he is a quiet guy, so I spent a lot of time talking and him listening to me, which wasn’t a bad thing, technically. He also seemed pretty open-minded and not judgemental, and while we didn’t have many (or any) interests in common, we did seem similar fundamentally (shy, on the quiet side, introverts, ...)

The rest of the date was a bit more into unknown territory, as I went to his place so that he could teach me some salsa steps (yes this was my excuse to see him after work). Mind you he was literally leaving in two days, but his place was pretty nice. We danced for a short while and it was fun. A bit awkward, and I did think we had some sort of chemistry at the time. I wasn’t feeling much, besides how nervous I was. He did do something very uh romance novel worthy which was gently rubbing the hand he was holding while we were dancing, which I noticed but I do believe I was kind of dissociating at that point. I couldn’t look at him in the eyes and spent almost the whole time looking at my feet.

He invited me to eat after that, and cooked for me. It was very nice, we hung out more, stargazed. All in all very romantic, I suppose, and we were both very nervous and antsy. And I just... I think he tried to make us dance again (he noted I didn’t seem to want to - he was right lmao) and I was so antsy to leave, so I just... did. He drove me home, we looked at each other when I got out of his car, but I just awkwardly thanked him and left. And see he did greet me by kissing my cheeks at the beginning (french people style) and we should have done that when I left but I really did not want to.

Funnily enough after going home I could finally feel something (I guess??) other than anxiety, so I shared the details with a friend and complained about him not kissing me - when I had practically run out of his car minutes prior.

The next day, I kinda hung out near him at lunch - but I could not fathom being near near him, and after we had a moment when we were alone, and I genuinely could not stand it, even my body language must have been obvious, I was running away from him and did not want to be alone with him. He on the other hand seemed to want to spend time with me. I didn’t, and it was his last day, so I left without telling him goodbye - we did vaguely talk during that day but that’s it. I apologized for that and told him I was happy to have met him, and he again made me understand he had noticed my behavior and replied in kind. We haven’t talked since, and I am glad for that.

BUT my big question comes from that encounter. I spent months fantasizing about the guy, finding him hot, in a way that I thought was genuine, I wanted to be with him, or so I thought, again, and he was very kind, if a bit quiet and awkward, good looking, a good party even, if one considered material means (his family was well off, apparently was not rushing him to have kids even though they were nagging him about being in a relationship)

So really, I was wondering why exactly, I couldn’t find it in me to keep liking him. A friend told me, after I told her how I felt after the date, that we weren’t going to get married and that we could date even if we didn’t have the same exact goals in life. But that was just another thing I clung to, to have another excuse to not like him. Because I had a list, and I compiled it even before I asked him out. Some things were totally hypothetical (imagine he does this and that and it grosses you out), others a bit more real, but it was something I had done spontaneously, as if to disgust myself from dating him.

And the thing is, it kind of... didn’t happen like that. He was really respectful and kind and didn’t give me any ick, per se. He was genuinely pleasant, even if we were both awkward (I think he imagined I was an extrovert and not shy but boy he realized it was in fact not true; I did my best though). Like. Logically, I should have kept liking him. I thought he was hot, and he was nice and kind and sort of funny in an awkward way, he was thoughtful and empathetic and never forced me to do anything (the bar is below the ground I KNOW). And it was just one date, we can get to know each other later, right?

Wrong. I was (and me avoiding him for two days after asking him out should have been a sign) not only terrified at the idea of dating him, I was disgusted. Like genuinely grossed out. Out of nowhere, since he had not given me a reason to dislike him. And, funnily enough, it reminded me of my history trying to date men, going on a date and being scared the activities we were doing could be seen as romantic even if I was supposed to like the guy and was the one who asked him out, apprehending talking to a guy who was really nice and ghosting him for absolutely no reason even if we had tastes in common and he was even bi, literally confessing to a guy and being genuinely weirded out when he let me down using words like us, engage, relationship (we all remember this, and I was wondering where the us, the engage and the relationship were coming from - i talked about it to a friend and he told me wait you confessed but you didn’t want to be in a relationship with your crush? and i really was like shit... no I didn’t)

This, coupled with the fact that I spent the entire date thinking about that one first date I had with a girl - no okay she is very special I still have a vague crush on her and I hate myself for it - I was like well fuck.

So my conclusion was that I am, in fact, a lesbian (or aroace but I really think I feel sexual attraction and have practically dated some girl friends in the past without the dating part gkjdghjkd) and ever since I started thinking that, it has been so freeing, like I finally feel a bit less anxious around men because I’m not trying to overanalyze every single emotion I feel around them and imagine that I have a crush on them (which is common to me I always think that when I interact with a a dude and I feel anxious. I must have a crush on them lmao).

It does feel good like, not gonna lie I still do not know if it is the right label, but I really am currently doubting I’ve ever been genuinely attracted to men. Because I really had a man I thought was hot be into me and seemingly ready to court me in a respectful manner and I just went ew this is not possible goodbye. And all I felt was just guilt. I felt bad for him. That is it. If I never see him again i will be fine, even happy and he did not do anything to deserve this. But knowing this is so so so freeing.

#bffs i really made being bi my whole personality for years #i have a flag (it is pretty) at home #and now i'm just like oops... hahaha what if i'm a lesbian...#which okay is something i have been wondering about since i was 7 years old #and i genuinely wondered about it when i was around 20-21 again #and now AGAIN except it does feel a bit more certain #i still have my ridiculous crush on the girl i had a fantastic first date with #but in my defense we are still talking pretty often i just do not know how to show interest in people #the next ep of this mess will be is leo ever going to have a gf and the answer is unknown #racontage de vie #no but really just me describing a nice date with a man and going oof. lesbianism

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