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gotham-ruaidh · 2 months

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Little Bit Better Than I Used To Be

Catch up: Chapter 1 (Starry Eyes) || Chapter 2 (Save Our Souls) || Chapter 3 (Dancing On Glass)|| Chapter 4 (Merry-Go-Round)|| Backstage (1) || Backstage (2) || Chapter 5 (Danger)|| Backstage (3) || Chapter 6A (Love Walked In) || Chapter 6B (Without You) || Backstage (4) || Chapter 7 (Stick To Your Guns) || Chapter 8 (Time For Change) || Backstage (5) || Chapter 9 (Take Me To The Top) || Backstage (6) || Chapter 10 (Home Sweet Home) || Backstage (7) || Chapter 11a (Nightrain) || Chapter 11b (Nothing Else Matters) || Chapter 12a (Handle With Care) || Chapter 12b (I’m So Tired of Being Lonely) || Chapter 13a (Angel) || Chapter 13b (She’s My Addiction) || Chapter 13c (Patience) || Chapter 14a (Where Do We Go Now?) || Chapter 14b (Where Do We Go Now?) || Chapter 14c (Where Do We Go Now?) || Chapter 15a (Dreams) || Chapter 15b (I Sing A Song of Love) || Chapter 15c (You Can Do This If You Try) || Chapter 16 (Let That Feeling Grab You Deep Inside || Chapter 17A: Never Tear Us Apart ||| Also posted at AO3

Chapter 17B: It's Tough To Be Somebody, And It's Hard Not To Fall Apart

New York City || September 1988

It's tough to be somebody And it's hard not to fall apart Here on Rehab Mountain We gonna learn these things by heart

- “Detox Mansion”, Warren Zevon (1987) [click here to listen]

Raymond crossed the threshold, and Claire closed the door. “We just had breakfast delivered, if you’d like something to eat or drink.”

“Tea or coffee, perhaps, if you have it?”

Claire slid her hands into the pockets of her leather jacket, bare feet soundless on the marble floor of the suite’s hallway. “Of course. You must excuse us, we didn’t get back until very late last night, and it’s so hard to go out for breakfast so we tend to just order room service for everything.”

“No need to apologize. I’m grateful for whatever you may have.”

The hallway turned into a sitting room, complete with a stunning view of Central Park.

“Hello, Dr. Germain.” A tall man stood at a long white couch, wearing black jeans and a black tank top, the tattoos on his arms vivid against the sky through the floor-to-ceiling windows. “I’m Jamie Fraser.”

“Raymond. And it’s a pleasure, Mr. Fraser. Dougal speaks very highly of you.”

Raymond shook Jamie’s hand, and watched Claire busy herself at a large rolling table covered in food.

“Jamie, please. Just Jamie. Make yourself at home.” Jamie gestured to another couch, and Raymond settled against the cushions.

“It’s quite something, isn’t it? This room, I mean.” Jamie grabbed a coffee mug, wedding ring clinking softly against the china. “I grew up on a farm in upstate New York. So this is the kind of thing you can’t get used to. Or should never get used to, anyway.”

“It is incredible,” Raymond agreed. “Definitely a lot better than the view from my apartment. I’d find it hard to leave here.”

“I do,” Jamie sighed. “But playing shows at the Garden…well. That’s pretty awesome, too.”

“Here you go.” Both men looked up to see Claire, holding out a steaming mug and plate of cut fruit. “Black coffee, but there’s cream and sugar if you like.”

Raymond gratefully took the plate and mug. “Thank you, Claire. You don’t need to be so generous.”

She smiled kindly, and settled on the couch next to Jamie with a bowl of cereal. Raymond sipped his coffee, watching Jamie rest a gentle hand on her thigh.

“Tell me about yourself,” Jamie said softly. “How do you know Dougal?”

Raymond spoke at length, in between bites of banana. “We met at a conference about ten years ago. I’ve been in private practice for many years, and I’m always eager to learn new techniques, to keep on top of the latest research and thinking. Conferences are good for that kind of thing. It was one of those three day affairs in a big hotel ballroom, and there was a rather boring dinner the first night. I ended up sitting next to Dougal and Gillian. We got to talking, and that was it.”

“If you’ve known each other for so long, I’m surprised you’ve never worked at The Ridge.” Claire crunched the last of her cereal, and Jamie smiled slightly.

Raymond shrugged. “You know this better than anyone – there is one requirement to work at The Ridge, and that is that you must be an addict in recovery. I’m not that.”

Jamie’s brows rose in surprise. “And yet, you’re one of the top therapists in the country for addicts in recovery. Or so Dougal led us to understand.”

Raymond set down his plate. “I started my career focusing on patients who had experienced extreme trauma. I’m a bit older than the two of you – this would have been in the ‘50s. I had volunteered at a VA hospital during medical school, and I got to know a lot of veterans who…well, let’s just say that they had seen and done things in Germany and the Pacific that no man ever should. I resolved then and there to dedicate my life to help people like that.”

He paused, and closed his eyes.

“Many of the men I worked with turned to drink and drugs to numb their pain. To escape their reality. I learned a lot about addiction that way. Why it starts, why it persists, how much damage it inflicts on the addict and the people who love them. I’ve never had a drink or taken a drug in my life, and I hope to stay that way until the day I die.” He took a breath. “But that doesn’t mean that I don’t understand why someone would reach that point.”

It wasn’t often that Raymond opened up – even in this muted way – about his own life. But with Jamie and Claire – who would be some of the most unique clients he’d ever work with – he knew they would give him space, and respect. And more importantly, that they would understand.

He finished his coffee, gently setting the mug on the table. Eyes open but focused downward on his hands.

“Put simply, I did not have the happiest of childhoods. I have no memory of my parents, and was in an orphanage run by nuns from the age of two. Things were not easy in Montreal during the Depression.”

“So that’s where your accent comes from,” Claire smiled.

Raymond glanced up at her, and smiled back. Tightly. “Indeed. Well, as a child I was bullied quite relentlessly. I’ve always been quite small, and you know how boys can be. So my friends were my books. Had it not been for my high school English teacher, I never would have found the courage to apply to university, or to come to New York. To fulfil my dream of helping people, and giving them the kindness and support that I never had. And somehow, by the grace of God, here I am, sitting with you today in this beautiful room. I will never be ungrateful for my improbable life.”

He glanced up at Jamie and Claire. Saw their hands entwined, gripping tightly, Claire’s face buried in Jamie’s shoulder.

Raymond flushed. “Oh my. I do apologize. I didn’t – ”

Jamie smiled sadly. “It’s fine. Claire’s fine, she’s just…did Dougal tell you anything about us?”

“Only the broad strokes.” Raymond uncomfortably scratched the back of his neck. “How you met, that you were both at The Ridge for treatment. He had to tell me about your career, regretfully I had never heard of you or your music. But I did buy your most recent CD earlier this week to prepare.”

Jamie nodded. “Interesting. I’m asking because we all seem to have something quite important in common. Claire was five when she lost her parents in a car crash. And I was eight when I lost my mother, though thankfully I had my father until just a few years ago.”

Now it was Raymond’s turn to smile sadly. “It colors your life, does it not?”

Claire straightened, and Jamie wiped away her tears with his free hand. Raymond noticed the flash of a tattoo at the base of Jamie’s thumb.

“It does.” She smiled sadly at Raymond. “It’s a hole that is never filled. Jamie and I have talked about it many times – whether we would have ended up as addicts, had we not lost our parents.” She sighed. “Thankfully I was raised by my mother’s brother – and I’m so grateful he is still in our lives. He married us. But it’s not the same.”

Raymond’s smile brightened considerably. “My heartiest congratulations on your recent wedding. It’s quite evident how deeply you love each other.”

Claire flushed happily, and Jamie kissed her cheek. “Thank you. We still can’t believe it ourselves. It’s been quite the year.”

“I can imagine. This tour must be something, if you’re selling out the Garden.”

“Well – the tour of course has been big,” Jamie remarked. “But it’s been a lot more than that, for us. A year ago now, we were at The Ridge, in treatment. I ended up being there for 17 weeks. Claire was there for, eight weeks?”

“Nine.”

“And when did the two of you get together?”

Claire glanced at her husband. “Officially, right before Jamie left. Then after that, we had some time together in January and February, but soon after that the decision was made to go on tour. Jamie had written a lot of new material at The Ridge, and he – we – thought that touring would be a good way to get back into real life. Buy us some time as I figured out what was happening with my medical license. And then…we decided to get married.”

“A three week tour,” Jamie snorted. “That was the original plan. We’re now on our fourth month, and we’ve sold out Madison Square fucking Garden for three nights.”

“How much longer will you be on the road?”

Jamie glanced briefly at Claire. “Just a few more shows and then we’ll wrap up. But then we’ll be back at it next year – the label has booked over one hundred dates, all across North America and then legs in Europe and Australia as well.”

“It’s going to be intense,” Claire added quietly. “I’ll be there with him, of course. My medical license has been reinstated, but I’m taking an informal break.” She darted a quick glance at her husband, squeezing his hand. “You should know this, Raymond – we quite desperately want to start a family. We’ve given ourselves this year to just…be. But that means there’s a good chance that while we’re touring next year I’ll be pregnant.”

Raymond folded his arms across his chest. “Which would be yet another source of stress in the situation. And another strain on your sobriety. Not to mention, your relationship. For both of you.”

Jamie gripped Claire’s hand. “And that’s where you come in, Raymond. I’ve been stone cold sober since I arrived at The Ridge. Claire, too. We’ve had each other this tour to keep each other honest, and I know I can say categorically that I wouldn’t be sober without her.”

He kissed her temple.

“But it’s not been without tremendous difficulty and so much strain,” Claire said softly. “He’s been having panic attacks.”

Raymond nodded. “Dougal did tell me that. And naturally, you’re worried that they will continue as the touring continues.”

Claire glanced at Jamie. “He – we – have learned enough about them now for him to recognize when one is coming. We can’t stop it from happening, but we can step away and ride through it together. Every time that happens, I’m grateful for the psych rotation I did in medical school.” She sighed. “But I’m not an expert, Raymond. I can’t help him the way he needs.”

“Said differently,” Jamie interjected, “it’s not fair for me to expect her to provide that kind of support. I don’t want to add to her stress. And I don’t want something to happen that could threaten her own sobriety.”

“Is that a realistic fear for Jamie to have, Claire?”

to be continued…

#outlander #outlander fanfic #little bit better than i used to be #jamie and claire

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gautierprotectionsquad · 1 year

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All of my Favorite fanfics

Fandoms: DCU, Ace Attorney, ORV, AFTG, FE3H, TMA, Junoverse, SOC

Ace Attorney

A Boy at the Airport : AU where Phoenix runs into a tiny Apollo Justice who just immigrated from Khura'in and takes him in.

The Phoenix, and Other Early Birds: AU where Apollo watches the Enigmar v state trial and insists on helping Phoenix get his badge back

A Crack in the Marble : AU where Miles Edgeworth is the prosecutor for State v Wright (with Dahlia)

And If My Wishes All Come True : Apollo adopts a cat, Klavier pines, and they make a lot of divorce jokes

The Complete Turnabout: Phoenix sent to an AU where he's a prosecutor

Burning on in my heart: Klapollo sickfic that explores their insecurities and internal struggles.

Exorcism: AA4 rewrite. Serial Killer known as the Devil has killed every innocent defendant from Klavier’s cases.

Dirty Paws: Crack taken seriously: Larry Butz writes Warrior Cats fanfiction to cope.

Sharing A Dream: Klapollo bodyswap highschool au

Gonna Make this Place Your home: Klapollo fic. Apollo and friends and love and home

His Highness the Second: AU where the Revolution happens early and Apollo gets to grow up in Khura’in. Apollo has a loving family.

In lipstick on the mirror are the lyrics to my obituary: Klapollo bodyguard AU.

Man of Mist: AU where Kristoph adopts Apollo. A dark story about a toxic familial relationship between a serial killer and the boy he loves.

Miles von Karma: Gregory Edgeworth Lives AU and Gregory Edgeworth POV where Miles is sent back in time and to an alternate universe. Miles has lost his memories and works as a detective.

The Legacy of Gregory Edgeworth: AU where Raymond Shields adopts Miles

The Infernal Prosecutor vs The Defense Heir: Narumitsu Role swap AU

Revival: Dual Destinies rewrite

Alt (better) ending for AA5

Soleil and the Demons: Apollo finds his bio family but when the family falls apart after his step father's disappearance, Apollo embraces his performer side and joins a band

It Never Rains but it pours: Apollo joins Wright and Co early

DCU

Gotham by Messier_47: Superbat Identity porn. Clark hates Gotham but meets a man who IS Gotham and learns to see the city in a new light

Jason Todd's terrible, horrible, no-good very bad Week: Jason gets captured by the Justice League and his brothers sneak into the Watchtower to save him

Loading and Aspect Ratio: Batfam wings au (kinda) with Superbat

Plagiarism is Not a Joke, Batman: Batman reveals his identity to the Justice League. He is far younger than they thought.

Smoking in the Boys Room: Superbat identity porn. Clark finds Bruce injured in a bathroom stall

Space Cellmates: Identity porn Superman and Bruce Wayne are kidnapped by aliens

The Man Behind the Curtain: Superbat identity reveal. Superman slowly learns more about batman.

The Mask Behind the Mask: Justice League learns about Brucie's reputation

The Waynes, Damsels in Distress: Batfam lets themselves get kidnapped bc they think it's funny (it is)

thirteen: Clark/Bruce. Clark Kent is hired as Bruce Wayne's nanny. All the batkids are close in age and Clark is not Superman.

The Longer You Stay: Domestic Selina/Bruce. Selina pov. A retired vigilante and retired thief live a quiet life and adopt three children.

Trust through the ages: De-aged Bruce Wayne. The Bats and the Flashes are close friends.

In Love with Justice: The Justice League think Batman and Nightwing are dating. they are hilariously wrong.

a heart just can't contain all of this empty space: Young Justice Team are tired of Bat secrets

Sneaking out for superhero teenagers: Tim needs to go to Central City without the rest of the family knowing so he comes up with a plan to sneak out. He runs into some superheroes on the way

through different colored glasses: It all started when Jason was trying to rescue his rocket launcher. (this fic is for me specifically bc of my experience with broken door handles.)

Two Sides: Jason meets Damian in the League of Assassins.

Equal Magnitude: The Robins' favorite superhero.

Batman, go grab your Robin... Wait, wrong Robin!: Tim goes trick or treating only to get kidnapped!!...By Batman?

In this Town We Call Home: The Drakes use Batman as a boogeyman to make their son behave...it didn't work out how they expect.

I wish I was: JayRoy no vigilantes au/romcom au. Jason and Roy have a meet-cute at a bookstore and then keep running into each other. 5 times Jason accidentally turns Roy down and 1 time he says yes.

In Your Pocket: JayRoy no vigilantes romcom au. For the dramatic irony enjoyers. Wrong numbers.

Familiar: JayRoy. Romcom with a vigilante twist. Contains fun banter, fluffy fluff, Austen levels of slowburn, Roy and Jason being dads, and heartbreak.

Cause You Mean More than Anything: Series of fics about the justice league's dramatic theories about batman's love life.

Life After Life: Thomas and Martha Wayne Beetlejuice AU

Lighting Bolts and Breaking Clouds: Jason and Roy adopt Billy Batson

tribute: Billy Batson dresses up as his favorite hero for Halloween

Dangerous and Noble: The Bats investigate their missing neighbor. Tim and Cass meet in the LOA au.

Things My Heart Used to Know: Jayroy. Jason Todd has been missing for 6 years and there's a 5 million dollar reward for anyone that can bring him home. Roy finds someone who happens to look a lot like Jason and they're both desperate for money. Inspired by Anastasia.

farthest you've ever flown: Robin!Tim gets kicked out of Drake manor. Red Hood finds him. Alternate first meeting.

No Strings Attached: Boostle no capes/powers au. Friends with Benefits to Lovers. Superhero groups are bands in this universe

In This or any Other Universe: Nightwing ends up in Battinson universe.

The Bachelor: Robin Edition: Batman needs a Robin. Tim knows just the plan. Kidnap several black haired blue eyed children to train and test them to become the perfect Robin until only 1 remains. He doesn't know how to test for "lovable" but he'll figure it out.

Come Alive: Dick went to Infinity Island on a mission to rescue three and ends up with Jason and Damian, too. 3x06 of Young Justice AU.

Now you will not swell the rout: Tim wants to be Robin but Batman is too overprotective and won't let him out into the field. So he tries street fighting to prove to Bruce he can take a hit and train himself. He meets a vigilante in a red helmet, too.

Little Bird's Wings: Jason comes back to Gotham only to find Batman and the Joker missing. He wants answers and instead he finds a few teen vigilantes running around.

break: Tim retires from vigilantism. If only Gotham would let him stay retired.

Working With Professionals Once: Red Hood has a plan. That plan backfires when his goons kidnap Bruce Wayne

Forecast: Red Hood pulls Dick's body out of the water. ANGST hurt/comfort. Jason coming home/identity reveal

False Words: One of the best handlings of Dick during RR/Dick and Tim's reconciliation after RR. (specifically chapters 3, 8, 12, 13, 15, 16)

reset: Circe puts a spell on Red Hood that gives him temporary amnesia. Jason wakes up confused why his family is so distant

The Nuclear Option: Tim blackmails Alfred into going to Comic Con with him. SUPER CUTE

(Honorable mention to Either Side of the Median by CaffienatedCopyeditor which is no longer on AO3.)

FE3H

Keep Him Safe: Sylvix adopts a son

the courage to love, a guide to fatherhood by felix fraldarius: Felix adopts a daughter

TMA

(i don't read tma fic much)

Rather Interesting: Crack treated seriously. jonah magnus/elias bouchard. canon compliant somehow. Elias is able to regain consciousness whenever Jonah smokes weed.

AFTG

(there's not that many here bc i didn't start keeping track till later)

Love Hurts: Aaron/Katelyn before the start of TFC

Red Right Hand: Au where Nathaniel Wesninski works for the Moriyamas and has been assigned to collect Kevin Day.

This was Home: Someone's OC joins the foxes

Pie Another Day: Pushing Up Daises AU

TPP

(there's not that many here bc i didn't start keeping track till later)

up the wolves: A nine-year-old juno stumbles into one of jet's post-heist hiding places

Six of Crows

(i don't read soc fic much)

The Meadow: Kaz dreams of his brother while finding himself past the age he thought he'd die at, and feeling stuck while all his friends have changed.

ORV

A Circle to Your Square: ORV rewrite where Yoo Joonghyuk and Kim Dokja were dating before the scenarios started

Ascension, Love, and the Ever Present Push and Pull: De-aged Dokja

Rendezvous: ORV in Yoo Joonghyuk's POV

and at the very least, the wall will change: No Scenarios Soulmate AU

World's End Rhapsody: After the epilogue, there is love.

how the mighty fall (in love): Yoo Joonghyuk can't stop thinking about Dokja. Eventually decides to settle the matter. (it's horny with no sex)

Knight in shining (plot) armor: Kim Dokja gets isekaid into Ways of Seduction, a smutty stallion novel. (spoilers for tls123's identity)

All the things we didn't say: ORV rewrite where Kim Dokja writes letters to Yoo Jonghyuk

Down: 1863 Yoo Jonghyuk meets a stranger. A thief. An uncanny man with all-knowing eyes and a too-clever tongue. A man of harsh words. A man of soft touches. The Wall tells him a story about this man and another version of himself and he listens.

#fanfiction #fanfic #ace attorney #batman #orv #penumbra podcast #aftg #soc #FE3H #TMA #romanticsap #long post #rom's fanfiction collection

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emotionalcadaver · 4 months

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Part 1: The Clockwork Laws

Fandom: In Time

Pairing: Raymond Leon x OC

Summary: Life as Raymond’s partner isn’t everything she was hoping it would be.

Word Count: 6,015

Notes: Warnings for references to prostitution.

Masterlists: Main • Series • Fic

Previous Part • Next Part

Chapter 3: Partners

Rose stared up at the Timekeeper headquarters building nervously. She had nothing but her bag with her, hair tied back in a braid, dressed in black with a pair of heavy combat boots on her feet.

Deep breath in, deep breath out. She forced her shoulders to relax before stepping forward, pushing open the doors.

The woman at the front desk greeted her with a warm smile, whisking her to the back where she measured her shoulders and general height with a tape measure before pulling from the closet a long, leather black coat.

“Try this on. To make sure it fits.”

Taking the coat from her, Rose slipped her arms tentatively through the sleeves, rolling her shoulders under the heavy leather. It was warm, the inner lining soft. It felt like armor.

“How does it fit?”

“Yeah, it feels good.”

“Good. Come with me, then. I’ll show you to your desk.”

Wrapping the coat around her more tightly, enjoying the protectiveness that the layer of leather provided, she rushed to follow the secretary down the hall. “I get a desk?”

“Of course,” she giggled, still smiling at Rose warmly. They came into a room made almost entirely of white marble, huge columns spaced evenly across the entire length of it. Desks with four people to each, a computer screen erected in front of them, were spread throughout, and a massive map displaying the time zones and the amount of time currently in each zone was displayed on the wall. There was no decoration on the walls, leaving the space to feel sterile and cold. She was suddenly even more grateful for the coat she’s just been issued. A handful of people were already milling about, some in their leather dusters while others were in suits. But all were dressed in deep black.

“You're over here,” the secretary guided her to a desk. “Cassius and his partner Joelle are there,” she pointed to two of the other chairs at the table. “And Raymond’s here,” she pointed to one of the seats next to Rose’s. “He’ll be your partner.”

“I’m partnered with Raymond?” Rose asked, the knowledge startling her. The secretary shrugged.

“We’re all as surprised as you are. Word is, Raymond’s been refusing getting a partner since he first showed up here. What did you do to change his mind?”

“I–nothing?” her brow stitched together in confusion. Considering that her last interaction with Raymond ended with him behaving cold and aloof towards her, she couldn’t for the life of her think of any reason why he would be even somewhat willing to be partners with her.

“Well, either way, it seems that the tin man has a sliver of a heart after all. Go ahead and get settled in. He’ll tell you about what you’ll be working on when he gets in.”

“Thanks.”

The secretary nodded and bustled away. Sliding her bag from her shoulder, Rose sat gingerly down into her chair, fiddling around with the computer as she waited, mind twirling a little from overstimulation over everything that had just been thrown at her.

“You must be the new rookie,” looking up, she was met with a woman with dark features, her hair pulled back into a ponytail. “I’m Joelle.”

“Hi,” she shook Joelle’s outstretched hand. “I’m Rose.”

“I know. Raymond’s new partner,” Joelle gave her a sympathetic look. “Listen. He’s a hard ass, but he means well.”

“Um, okay?”

Joelle looked her up and down. “You’ll be fine.”

She left Rose alone at the desk, to twiddle her thumbs as she waited. Her eyes darted almost of their own accord to the map on the wall. It was big enough to span out between two columns, the different zones indicated on it glowing in different colors, with a huge number in the middle of each one.

The squeak of shoes against the floor made her turn. Raymond was standing there, hands shoved into his jacket, his jaw working around a wad of gum. When he saw her he stopped, those expressionless eyes looking her up and down.

“You’re here,” it was hard to tell if he was disappointed or not.

“I am,” Rose forced her chin to remain high. To not give into the slight intimidation that he made her feel. Or the way that her body flushed when he looked her up and down like that.

Raymond didn’t say anything else, just moved to sit at his desk, fingers flying across the keyboard as he logged in. Rose squirmed in her seat. So he was still pissed over…whatever it was she had said that angered him the last time that they saw each other.

“So, um,” she cleared her throat. “What should I do first?”

Raymond heaved out a sign, as if the question alone was of great inconvenience to him. The wheels of the chair made a rumbling noise as they wheeled against the floor towards her when he scooted closer, shoving a huge file onto her desk.

“Read this,” he went back to clicking through something on his computer.

“All of it?”

“Yes,” he didn’t look up.

“O-kay…” she drew the word out, opening the file and freezing at the name that greeted her. “Cyrus?” looking up at Raymond, she found that his expression hadn’t changed.

“We’ve been tasked with hunting him down.”

“I see,” he didn’t offer anything further to her comment. “Look, I just wanted to say thanks for–”

“Save it,” his teeth gritted as he said it. Still he wouldn’t look at her. Rose fought the urge to shrivel in on herself. Just nodding, she focused her eyes instead on the pages in front of her.

∗ ∗ ∗

“Ah, shit,” she muttered, fingers rubbing at where the papers she’d been filing had sliced into her finger in a tiny, stinging cut. That had been how she’d spent most of her day. And the day before that. And the day before that. Tucked away in the records office, filing paper after paper from the stack Raymond had dumped on her desk.

She tried to be a good sport about it. Everyone had to pay their dues somehow, after all. But still, considering Raymond’s clear hostility towards her, it was hard not to take it personally.

Pushing the last paper into place and shoving the filing cabinet closed, she sucked on her cut finger as she left the room, heading back to her desk. There was a rush of Timekeepers heading towards the doors, many checking their weapons and tugging on their coats.

“What’s going on?” Rose asked, approaching Joelle who was sitting at her computer. She just shrugged.

“I don’t know.”

“There’s a hostage situation in New Greenwich,” Raymond swept around them both, shoving his gun into the holster on his thigh. “All available units are getting called in.”

Cursing quietly, Joelle jumped from her seat, rushing for the door. When Rose moved to follow, Raymond held out a hand to stop her.

“Not you.”

“I can help–”

“No.”

“Why not?”

Raymond sighed heavily and pinched at his brow. She was pretty sure that she was going to kill him.

It wasn’t even the mindless, mundane tasks that he assigned to her day after day that was getting to her, but the blatant, obvious distrust. So he didn’t like her. That was fine.

Okay, it actually really wasn’t, but that’s not the point.

The point was that he clearly didn’t want her around.

She’d considered asking for a transfer to another partner, but he’d so neglected to show her how anything there worked, she didn’t even know how to do that.

“Look, I don’t know what I said, or did to make you so dislike me–”

“I don’t dislike you,” Raymond defended.

“Stop interrupting me!” it came out louder than intended, and a few passing Timekeepers shot them funny looks. Raymond’s brows rose, but he stopped talking. “I just don’t see the point in being here if you’re just going to treat me like a glorified secretary.”

“Everyone starts out with menial work until they’ve learned the ropes.”

“And yet you haven’t done shit to even try to teach me anything. You won’t let me onto any crime scenes, you barely even let me look at crime files. So how the hell am I supposed to learn how to do my job when my own damn partner barely trusts me to file correctly?”

“It’s not an issue of trust. You don’t have any experience in this line of work. You want me to send you into a situation that’ll likely just get you and several of our other Timekeepers shot?”

“How the hell am I supposed to get any experience when you keep me locked up in here then?”

Raymond’s jaw twitched, arms crossing over his chest. She was suddenly aware of just how much taller he was than her. “Listen to me. Do you realize how goddamn lucky you are? No one from Dayton gets accepted here. Ever. Do you know how many people are just waiting for one little slip up, one tiny little mistake to send your ass packing? So you are going to keep your goddamn head down, you’re not going to make any trouble, and you will do what I fucking tell you to. Got it?” his tone was low, trembling with anger, eyes narrowed to icy slits as he leaned into her space. Rose could feel her resolve crumbling away into nothing but dust as she realized there wasn’t really any point in arguing. She knew that she wouldn’t win. Much as it begrudged her to admit it, he was right. And the last thing she wanted to do was to make him somehow hate her even more. Looking down, she couldn’t help it as her shoulders slumped slightly. “Okay.”

Raymond moved to walk around her, then paused, heaving out a deep sigh. “There are some notes on my desk regarding the Cyrus case. Go ahead and read through them. See if you can spot anything useful,” his hand just barely grazed along her shoulder for a brief sliver of a second. And then he was walking away, so quickly she thought for a moment that she might have imagined the light touch had it not been for the way her skin tingled in memory of the weight of his hand.

She tried to be a good sport about it. Everyone had to pay their dues somehow, after all. But still, considering Raymond’s clear hostility towards her, it was hard not to take it personally.

“What’s going on?” Rose asked, approaching Joelle who was sitting at her computer. She just shrugged.

“I don’t know.”

“There’s a hostage situation in New Greenwich,” Raymond swept around them both, shoving his gun into the holster on his thigh. “All available units are getting called in.”

Cursing quietly, Joelle jumped from her seat, rushing for the door. When Rose moved to follow, Raymond held out a hand to stop her.

“Not you.”

“I can help–”

“No.”

“Why not?”

Raymond sighed heavily and pinched at his brow. She was pretty sure that she was going to kill him.

It wasn’t even the mindless, mundane tasks that he assigned to her day after day that was getting to her, but the blatant, obvious distrust. So he didn’t like her. That was fine.

Okay, it actually really wasn’t, but that’s not the point.

The point was that he clearly didn’t want her around.

She’d considered asking for a transfer to another partner, but he’d so neglected to show her how anything there worked, she didn’t even know how to do that.

“Look, I don’t know what I said, or did to make you so dislike me–”

“I don’t dislike you,” Raymond defended.

“Everyone starts out with menial work until they’ve learned the ropes.”

“How the hell am I supposed to get any experience when you keep me locked up in here then?”

∗ ∗ ∗

Head resting on one arm while she scribbled notes down, cursing quietly when the ink smudged, she barely even heard the doors open, nor the heavy footsteps behind her. Someone had turned on the television in the breakroom, the majority of those left behind at the headquarters gathering around it to watch what happened with the hostage situation. Rose had wandered in once to get another cup of coffee, only glancing at the news anchor speaking on the scene before returning back to her desk to continue reviewing the notes Raymond had left her with.

“You’ve been busy.”

Head jerking up at the sound of Raymond’s voice over her shoulder, she glanced back at him, cheeks heating against her will as she looked at the array of notes and papers scattered over her desk. “You said to go over those notes on the Cyrus case.”

There was a long, long, stretch of silence, his eyes just staring at her, analyzing. Tucking a loose curl behind her ear, she squirmed in her seat, trying to act collected at the sudden attention.

“It’s late,” he said finally. “I was expecting you to have already gone home.”

It was hard to determine what exactly he wanted her to say to that, so she just shrugged sheepishly, trying to straighten out the papers on her desk into a neat stack. “How did the hostage situation go?”

Rubbing a hand across his neck, he huffed. “It went fine.”

That was probably about as much detail as she was going to get out of him. “Good,” she nodded. “That’s good,” tentatively, she set the stack of papers on his desk. “I wrote down what I thought, about the case.”

Nodding, he skimmed a finger along the stack. “I’ll read through it tomorrow.”

“Okay,” massaging at her brow, she hastily held her hand to her mouth to hide a yawn that was powerful enough to squeeze her eyes shut. When she opened them, Raymond was looking at her strangely. The coldness in his eyes seemed to have thawed, if only by the slightest amount.

“Go home, Rose. Get some sleep.”

It was impossible to stop the stutter in her breathing when he said her name. But she couldn’t deny how exhausted she was. Logging out and locking her computer, she stood, brushing herself down carefully before grabbing her bag.

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

“Okay.”

While heading to the doors, she couldn’t help but glance over her shoulder once. And when she did she found him still standing at his desk, watching her walk away with inscrutable eyes.

∗ ∗ ∗

The thump as a new stack of papers were deposited onto Rose’s desk made her teeth grind together.

“More to be filed?” glancing up from the pile she was currently working on, she bit back a bitter scowl as she met Raymond’s cold eyes.

“Yes.”

“You know, I could be helpful in other ways than just filing shit.”

“What I have you doing is helpful,” he didn’t look at her as he said it, instead glancing down at his phone when it beeped. Rose bit her tongue to keep herself from saying something that would begin an argument. They’d had enough of those since she’d been assigned as his partner.

She wasn’t entirely sure if it was being paired up with a rookie that made Raymond so dislike her, or if it was just because it was her.

She was beginning to suspect that it was the latter.

But the constant stream of meaningless work was starting to get on her last nerve. They were supposed to be hunting down leads on Cyrus, and yet half of the time he had her doing filings that really should have been relegated to one of the interns.

“Any new leads today?” she asked. A muscle in Raymond’s cheek twitched, a sign that she’d learned indicated that he was trying to hide his annoyance.

“No.”

“Are you still sending search squads out to Dayton?”

His back turned to her as he examined the huge map of the time zones projected onto the wall. Shoulders heaving with his sigh, he settled his hands on his waist. “Yes.”

“You should have them check out the red light district by the entrance to the subway tunnel. Some of the rebels would frequent there.”

Blinking once, his eyes continued to stare at the map, but there was a haziness in them all of a sudden. Like his mind wasn’t quite there for a moment. “I know.”

Rose raised an eyebrow, but just as quickly as his eyes had lost focus they snapped back to reality, staring intently at the map. She almost wondered if she had just imagined the uncharacteristic, haunted look that passed over his features.

“One of Cyrus’s favorites worked that area,” she tried to add, though she wasn’t sure how any of that would be useful.

“What do you mean?” when she looked up, Raymond was staring at her.

“Yeah…at least that’s what Luke told me,” she winced as the file she picked up sliced a thin papercut into her thumb. “I think that her name was Sasha?”

“Hm,” Raymond’s hand braced against her desk, eyes still looking the map up and down. His foot tapped, brows knitting as he rolled something over in his mind. “Come with me,” spinning on his heel, he began to move towards the doors. Rose remained just sitting for a few seconds, blinking in shock as her mind processed what he’d just said. Leaping to her feet and snagging her leather duster from where it was hanging over the back of her chair, she rushed to follow him.

“Where are we going?”

Raymond didn’t answer, just unlocked his car and slid into the driver’s seat. Climbing into the passenger’s side, she adjusted her coat around her shoulders, clicking her seatbelt into place. Raymond drove fast, with a level of abandon that was probably useful when in pursuit of a suspect. She wondered if it was an old habit from living in Dayton, similarly to how she had yet to unlearn that she didn’t need to speed walk or jog everywhere anymore.

“Did your brother tell you anything else about the relationship between the rebels and the prostitutes?” Raymond asked, eyes glued to the road.

“Not really. Just that it was contentious.”

“Did he say why?”

“No, he didn’t.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she could have sworn that some of the tension in Raymond’s shoulders relaxed. A part of her wanted to ask more questions, but her instincts told her that would just get her head ripped off. Instead she let her forehead rest against the window, watching the people going about their lives as they sped past them.

“Raymond,” she said quietly as soon as she recognized the streets they were pulling towards. “Why are we here?”

Parking the car, he smoothed a hand through his hair, an apprehensiveness in his steely gaze that left her uneasy.

“Look,” he licked his lips. “Just stay close, alright?”

Her brows furrowed. “Okay.”

As he unlocked the doors, she checked the green countdown on her arm before slipping her hand into the silver ring of metal behind the gearshift. “Dispatch, wire me my per diem.”

“Time transfer,” the automated female voice said. She waited for the numbers to tick upwards before removing her arm.

“Do you need to get yours too?” she called as Raymond stepped from the car, but he shook his head.

“No, I’ve got enough.”

As they walked towards the red light district of Dayton, she adjusted her coat against her shoulders. The leather felt like armor, a protective shield against anyone or anything that may try to harm her.

“What makes you think that any of them will actually talk to you?” she asked. He didn’t respond.

The streets had more people on them than the last time Rose was there, though several ducked back into their houses at the sight of them approaching. Others, however, just eyed them curiously.

“Hey, Ray!” shouted a woman dressed in a fishnet shirt and mini skirt, teetering on the highest pair of heels Rose had ever seen. She waved enthusiastically with a grin.

“Hi, Tara,” Raymond called back, and for a moment a friendly smile stretched across his features. Rose almost tripped over her own feet at the sight, all but gaping at the exchange. She wouldn’t have thought Raymond to be capable of friendly greetings at all. Chancing another glance around, at the other sex workers lounging in the streets, she realized that many of them were looking at Raymond with a level of familiarity.

So he must be a regular here, then.

Wrapping her arms around her middle, she gulped down whatever the fuck the feeling was that twinged in her chest. It didn’t matter. She didn’t care.

Following Raymond when he turned down an alley, she lingered silently behind him as he approached three women talking in hushed voices to one another.

“Hey, Janet,” the woman with a bright red streak in her hair lifted her head at his voice. “Can I have a minute?”

The woman shooed the other two away, leaning against the wall and looking Raymond up and down.

“Been awhile since I’ve seen you down here, Ray. You get too good for the likes of us?”

“Work’s been busy.”

“I heard,” Janet shot a lazy look at Rose. “Who’s this?”

“This is my partner,” he couldn’t have sounded any less enthused about it if he tried. Rose bit her cheek and kept her head lowered, burying her hurt feelings under a blank, neutral expression. “We need to ask you some questions.”

Janet crossed her arms over her chest and smirked. Raymond heaved out a dramatic sigh, taking her arm and transferring some of the time on his arm over to hers. Checking her numbers to see how much he’d given her, Janet nodded. “Okay. What do you want to know?”

“We know that Cyrus Langley still comes around here. Does he see anyone in particular?”

“Yeah, actually. Ever since the shit you pulled though, he only goes to the same two girls. They’re both hardcore rebel sympathizers. Practically rebels themselves. I’m guessing that he trusts them not to blab any of the shit he shows or tells them.”

“Who are they?”

“Sasha and Emmie,” Janet’s eyes narrowed. “You know, none of them really trusted any of us after what you did. Some even come out to harass us while we’re trying to work. It cost us all a mountain of customers.”

Raymond looked down, shoving his hands in his pockets and clearing his throat. As if ashamed. Rose looked between him and Janet in puzzlement. There was some piece of all of this that she was missing, and judging by how cagey Raymond was with her, she doubted that he was about to volunteer any answers.

“Are either of them around?”

“No. They both skipped town after they heard about your big round up of all the rebels at the base.”

Raymond cursed quietly under his breath, running a hand over his slicked back hair. “Anything else?”

Janet cocked her head, and pursed her lips, clearly considering before holding out her arm again. Raymond rolled his eyes, grabbing her arm and transferring over some more time to her.

“Sasha had a big mouth on her. She liked to brag about all of the expensive gifts Cyrus would buy her. Pompous bitch,” Janet scowled bitterly. “She mentioned some sort of…I don’t know, apartment, a safehouse, maybe, that he liked to take her to.”

“Do you know where it is?”

“You got a pen?”

Rose rummaged around in her pocket, handing Janet her notebook and a pen. She scribbled down an address and handed it back. Raymond nodded to Janet.

“Thanks.”

“Sure thing.”

Raymond’s footsteps were fast as he walked from the alley and back along the road they’d come down on. Rose had to all but jog in order to keep up with him. Questions danced on the end of her tongue, but one look at Raymond’s face had her biting it instead. His eyes were focused firmly ahead, hands clasped behind his back, expression bordering on tormented.

“Raymond?” she didn’t know what else she exactly wanted to say to him. They were nearing the car.

“Give me the address,” was all he said in response. Pulling her notebook from her pocket, she tore the page out with a satisfying rip, holding it out to him. When he reached out a hand to take it, her eyes widened to nearly the size of dinner plates. There was only a little more than a minute left on his clock. “Jesus, how much time did you give her?”

Before he could react, she grabbed his arm with hers, turning it, watching the numbers count up until he had ten minutes on his clock instead of one. Dropping his arm, she raised her eyes to find him just staring at her. His face was close enough that she could distinctly make out the light freckles dusting his cheeks.

“Sorry,” she said, suddenly feeling as though she crossed some sort of line. “I didn’t want you to time out.”

“I’ll pay you back.”

“It’s just ten minutes. Don’t worry about it,” shifting from foot to foot, she wrapped her arms around her middle. “Can’t have you timing out on me when you’re my ride and all,” a smile cracked along her lips at the joke. Raymond scoffed, but she could have sworn that before he turned away to resume walking back to the car that she caught the very beginnings of a smile at the corner of his mouth.

“I’m touched.”

“Mhm,” she didn’t mention that she’d noticed he seemed to have a bad habit of doing that; of running his clock down to the last possible second before collecting his per diem. She wondered where he’d picked up the disposition. “So, now what?” sliding back into the passenger seat, she closed the door, reclining back into the soft leather.

Raymond collected his per diem and turned on the car, pulling away from the red light district at breakneck speed.

“Now we go find Cyrus.”

∗ ∗ ∗

It was just their luck that there was a hotel right across the street from the safehouse that Janet had given them the address to. They wouldn’t be able to move on the apartment until they knew for certain that Cyrus was there, so the Timekeepers had booked them a room at the hotel for them to use while they staked out and waited for any signs of the rebel leader.

Sitting on the windowsill, with her legs curled to her chest and a pair of binoculars pressed to her eyes, Rose pouted, blowing a raspberry as she let the binoculars fall to rest in her lap.

“Still nothing?” Raymond asked from where he was sitting on the bed. There was a file open in front of him, that he was marking up with a black pen. He had shed his coat, leaving him in just his vest and undershirt. It was odd to see him like that; almost how she could imagine him looking when he came home from a long day at work and was just beginning to unwind.

“Yeah,” she leaned her head back against the window frame with a thump. Tiredness pulled at her eyes, muscles cramping from spending hours curled up in her position at the window. She raised a hand to cover a yawn.

“If you want to get some sleep, I can take watch for a while,” Raymond offered.

“Are you sure?” she asked, even as she was gripped with another yawn. He just shrugged, standing and approaching the window, taking the binoculars from her.

“Okay,” jumping up, she stretched lazily like a cat, closing her eyes and rolling her neck from side to side. Rummaging through the tiny suitcase she’d brought with her, she pulled out her toiletries bag and her pajamas, going into the bathroom to brush her teeth and change.

Her reflection in the mirror was still a bit of a surprise. Gone was the gaunt, miserable girl with the dead eyes. There was a warmth to her face, the hard bitterness in her amber eyes somewhat softened. She looked almost content.

Running her fingers through her curls and tugging at the hem of her pajama top, she forced herself not to think about Raymond on the other side of the door. He was an asshole anyway. Fuck him.

She bit her lip when her mind promptly took that idea and flipped it over onto itself. It was a constant war within her own mind; that despite how much he annoyed and infuriated her, she couldn’t seem to stop thinking about him.

Shoving open the door to the bathroom, she did her best to ignore him as she climbed into the bed. Curling up with her back to him, she tugged the blankets over her. Even with her eyes closed and Raymond sitting near the window, she could feel his gaze burning into her back.

“Aren’t you supposed to be watching the safehouse?”

He coughed, and shifted. But even as she started to doze off, she could have sworn that she still felt his eyes, every once in a while, darting back to her.

∗ ∗ ∗

“Rose, wake up.”

Raising her head from where it was half buried in her pillow, she squinted at Raymond in minor annoyance. “Did something happen?”

“No,” his hand retracted from where it had been shaking lightly at her shoulder. “I was going to order some room service. Do you want anything?”

“Oh,” she pushed herself into what could technically be classified as a sitting position. “Actually, yeah.”

He tossed the menu to her, waiting until she’d made her selections before placing the order on the hotel phone. Rubbing at her eyes and combing her fingers through her hair, Rose swung her legs from the bed, grabbing the binoculars where they were sitting on the table by the window and peeking out at the safehouse across the street.

“Did anything happen while I was asleep?”

“Not really,” Raymond stretched his arms, rolling his neck from side to side. She looked away before he could notice her staring at the way the muscles in his arms flexed, even under the layers of his shirts. “You snore, by the way.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Mhm,” he grunted in disagreement, stalking off to the bathroom while she kept watch. Folding herself back into her position seated on the windowsill, she looped the band for the binoculars around her neck. Outside it was beginning to lightly drizzle, the rain dusting the sidewalks in moisture. A fog had set in, and the sun was beginning to lower, leaving the world to slowly darken as it sank below the horizon.

The bathroom door squealed as Raymond opened it again, moving to sit on one of the chairs at the table.

“I don’t think he’s coming,” she huffed defeatedly.

“Probably not,” he admitted.

“So what are we still doing here?”

He shrugged. “Taking advantage of free vacation?”

“Never would have thought of you as a rule breaker.”

“I have my moments.”

“Hm,” hugging her knees to her chest, she let her chin rest on them. Raymond looked down. If she didn’t know him better she would have thought him to be blushing.

“Did you ever talk to him?”

“Who, Cyrus? Only once or twice. I was small fry; Luke was the bigshot,” outside, the rain started to pick up, pattering harshly against the walls and roof of the hotel. “You know, one time, I asked him what his plan was once the system was dismantled. What his ideas were for replacing it. And he couldn’t answer me,” shaking her head, she looked away. “All of that effort…and he didn’t even have an actual alternative solution in mind.”

“The system’s unfixable,” her eyes snapped up to Raymond’s. “It was designed that way. Think about it,” he said at her questioning look. “You abolish the time system. Give everyone enough time to live forever, or get rid of the countdowns completely. We’re genetically engineered to live forever. But our world can’t sustain an infinite amount of people. Even if we had enough resources, we’d run out of space for everyone. People have to die. That’s the way that it has to be.”

“And the wealthy will never allow it to be them. And no one is going to actually support going back to the way things were. Where people actually aged and got sick.”

He shot her a sad look. “No. They won’t.”

“So what do you do then?”

“I think…” Raymond hesitated. “It’s a shitty system that we’re all stuck in and it isn’t changing anytime soon. So…you just try to have the best life that you can.”

“I thought for a while that being a part of the resistance would mean something. But in the end all that they ever did was hurt me and make me feel like garbage. Like it was wrong or selfish to want a life that had any sort of enjoyment in it.”

“All resistance factions get corrupted if they exist long enough.”

“You think that Cyrus was corrupted?” she asked, head lifting to stare at him.

“I think that he’s a far more selfish bastard than you are.”

Before she could answer there was a knock on the door, and Raymond got up to collect their food. Jumping down from the windowsill to sit in the chair at the table across from him, she sank her teeth into her burger, chewing.

“How is it?”

“Actually not that bad. Better than the burgers they used to serve at school.”

“Oh god, I’d almost forgotten how bad those were.”

Smiling around her next bite, she set the burger down to snag a few fries. “Luke always tried to insist that they were good. Just more evidence that he was a dumbass, I suppose.”

“I almost never saw you in the cafeteria.”

“Usually I spent lunch in the studio.”

“I think that I would be worried about accidentally ingesting some paint if I was trying to eat at the same time,” Raymond stabbed a fork into his salad.

“That…may have happened once or twice,” she ducked her head down to hide her blush. “Paint does not taste very good.”

When she looked up, Raymond was just staring at her, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. He was wearing an expression that she couldn’t quite place, and she found herself wiping at her mouth with her napkin subconsciously, unsure if maybe there was something on her face.

“Do you think that’s what you would have done, had everything not happened with Luke?”

“What, painting? Maybe,” she twisted a fry between her fingers. “I suppose it all would have depended on how successful I would have been. Gotta be able to make enough time to afford to eat, after all.”

“You would have been successful,” Raymond said. “Your art was good,” he glanced down, picking at his salad.

“Thanks,” her cheeks were definitely visibly burning. “Bartending wasn’t so bad though. Not really.”

“Hm,” he took a bite of his salad, eyes still not quite meeting hers.

“So what did you end up doing after high school? Did you go straight into working with the Timekeepers, or…” her voice trailed off in response to the sudden dark look that passed over Raymond’s features.

“Are you always so goddamn nosy?” he stabbed at the lettuce in his salad irritably. Rose gaped.

“I-I-” her stuttering only made the sudden embarrassment worse, and with it, came a wave of sudden anger. “I was only…”

“Only what?” his eyes narrowed. “We aren’t friends, Rose.”

As you’ve made abundantly clear. Over and over again. “Why are you always such a fucking asshole?” it exploded from her mouth before she had time to bite it back. His eyebrow raised. “I mean, Jesus, I was just trying to have a nice fucking conversation.”

“Excuse me for wanting to maintain professional boundaries,” he still looked relatively unbothered by her sudden outburst.

“Oh, so it’s okay when you ask me personal shit but the second I ask the tiniest probing question it’s inappropriate!?”

“That’s not being fair,” there was the beginning of defensiveness building in his voice.

“No, you know what isn’t fair, Raymond? You know next to everything there is to know about me, and I don’t know shit about you! How are we supposed to work together like this, huh? How am I supposed to trust you when I don’t even know anything about you?”

His jaw clenched, but he said nothing.

“You’ve treated me like shit since before we even started working together.”

“That isn’t true,” Raymond said, something twitching in his face that she couldn’t place. Not that she cared enough to try anymore.

“Oh, really? Because that’s sure how it’s fucking felt!” she realized with sudden horror that she was teetering very dangerously close to crying. Standing on shaky legs, she pushed away from the table. She would not allow him the satisfaction, or herself the embarrassment, of letting him see her cry. “God, I can’t believe that I ever–” she clenched her jaw hard before she said anymore. No way in hell was she letting him in on her secret crush for him. Absolutely not.

“Ever what?” Raymond asked, half rising from his seat. But she was already halfway across the hotel room. “Rose, wait!”

She ignored him, opening the hotel door and stepping out into the hallway, slamming it shut behind her.