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samkerrworshipper · 6 days

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your moms are here

leah williamson x reader, jordan nobbs x reader, (wobbs as coparents)

part 5 of beautiful girl series pt.1 -> pt.2 -> pt.3 -> pt.4

warnings: if your any bit emotionally unstable this isn’t for u x

You didn’t expect to wake up, let alone wake up warm and in a fraction of the amount of pain you’d been in the last time you’d been conscious enough to feel anything.

Your eyes were still crammed shut, your chest still hurt, your body was still shaking, but you felt better, less like you were dangling on the cliff of life and death, you weren’t sure where you were, or if you were even alive.

Was this they greater beyond?

Was it the warmth of death’s embrace?

You knew it wasn’t, because there was still the dull pain and the tension all over your body. You didn’t believe that life after death was anything, that it was actually some overwhelming cloud of happiness and perfection, but if it did exist, if there was some kind of heaven, this wasn’t it.

You thought about the places you could be, in bed at Matt’s house, in bed at your mom’s house, in bed at some kidnappers house, in bed at rehab.

You quickly eliminated each option, the bed and sheets weren’t the same from your bed or Matt’s, kidnappers didn’t normally concern themselves with comfortability, and in your mind rehab would have more detoxing, screaming, junkies.

Out of pure fear, you tried to crack your eyes open, it wasn’t easy, but with some concentration that made your forehead feel like it was being split open, you managed to slowly crack your right eye open. There was sleep and tears keeping your eyelashes stuck together, which made it far harder then it should have been, the blinding white light directly above your head wasn’t much help either.

You took back what you thought, everything hurt.

From your toenails to the follicles on top of your head, it felt like every single nerve in your body was being plucked and split in half.

Your whole body curled itself up into a ball, it made the shaking a little bit less like your body was being exorcised.

You realised very quickly as your eye became accustomed to the light around you that you were in the last place you possibly wanted to be.

You should have clocked on to it, based on the persistent beeping noise coming from above you and the cords that were connected to your arm.

They’d dropped you off out the front of a fucking hospital.

Or someone had found you and called a ambulance.

Or your moms had taken you to the hospital.

Or you were in some sick twisted dream.

With the rest of the energy that was left in your body you managed to crack open your other eye, it wasn’t easy, but it helped you feel more aware of your surroundings.

It was a surprisingly quiet hospital, or at least by your standards.

You tried to sit up, but it was no use, your body was completely spent, all of the energy felt like it had been completely pulled from your body.

Withdrawals, maybe.

Or the reaction of the opioid with the stimulant.

Those were your best guesses as to how you’d ended up feeling like death.

You didn’t have to wait long to find out, the curtain which was keeping you contained from the rest of the ER was opened up, a nurse waltzing her way over to your bedside.

You couldn’t help but feel a little bit vulnerable, you could hardly move your body and had a lot less control over it then you would have liked.

“Miss dump and run awakens.”

Dump and run.

You couldn’t decide whether or not you were mad with your friends, on one hand, it was smart of them to drop you off at an er. They had no medical knowledge, they were druggies, they didn’t need a dead body on their hands. On the other hand, they’d left you, deserted you, left you for dead.

The nurse moved to your IV and monitor, looking at the different flashing numbers and writing them down on her clipboard, before she looked down and addressed you properly.

“Had a lot of drugs in your system for such a wee thing like yourself. Your friends were smart to drop you here, you would have been as good as dead with that much meth in your system for any longer. I’ve seen a lot of overdoses in my day, you might just take the cake though, darlin’.”

Overdose?

A fucking overdose?

You’d been doing drugs for months now, meth, a smidge of coke, little bits of molly and LSD, a little sprinkle of heroin, opioids a couple of times, plenty of weed. Not once had you ever overdosed, you’d never seen someone overdose, you’d come to think it was urban myth.

You’d hardly taken anything, two shoot ups within a couple of hours of each other, it wasn’t something you’d done before but it also wasn’t exorbitant or something you hadn’t seen other people do.

“Sorry, an overdose?”

You were still shaking, it was less obvious underneath the shitty hospital blanket that was on top of you, but you were still shaking like a leaf in the wind.

“Yup, think you had more meth in your blood stream then blood. The saline should flush it all out until your guardians get here.”

Guardians?

What?

What the actual fuck was this nightmare that you were stuck in.

“Sorry, my guardians?”

The nurse looked back down at her clipboard.

“Ms Williamson and Ms Nobbs? We’re obligated to call emergency contacts in life threatening circumstances and those were the ones that were on your phone, they should be here soon enough.”

You didn’t care that you couldn’t moved, you needed to leave.

“I want to discharge, now.”

The nurse looked at you like you had gone silly, like you were in a psychiatric ward instead of the emergency one.

“You’re underage, and you’d have to sign a waiver saying that you are aware you’re going against doctors orders, a lot of paperwork, and you’d actually have to be strong enough to walk out of here, which I can promise you is not happening any time soon,”

The nurse pointed to the IV bag.

“There’s still another hour or so left on this, until it’s done that dizzines your experiencing and the weakness isn’t going to pass. You’re frighteningly dehydrated and full of methamphetamines.”

Fuck.

You were so fucking fucked.

“Please, I’ll sign whatever forms, just let me leave, please.”

You didn’t know how you planned to leave, considering you weren’t even mobile enough to roll onto your back to look at the nurse properly, eye to eye.

“You get up and walk to my desk where the papers are and you can leave, how’s that sound, sweetheart?”

You want to yell directly into her face and tell her to let you fucking leave. But you don’t, you have a inch of self-respect that prevents you from doing it.

“Please.”

You’ve never liked to beg, you did enough of it during your youth, begging for your mom to not leave you home alone every night, begging for things to get better, begging for your life to get better, and it had. Jordan and Leah had introduced you to a whole new world, a beautiful world, the kind of world you’d read about as a child, they’d given you anything and everything you’d wanted growing up. You’d become gracious, but promised yourself that you’d never beg in the same way that you always had, but when your life had been turned upside down, you’d reverted back to your old ways.

“I have a daughter of my own, y’know, around your age. If she was in your situation all I would care about is her being okay, that’s whats most important.”

You rolled your eyes, you were certain of one things, your moms would be mad, you were surprised they were coming at all, everyone had deserted you, it felt like you had nobody.

“Can i get something for the pain?”

You were intelligent enough to know that the iv was detoxing you at a rapid rate, whilst it was saving your life, it also meant that you were going to be sent into withdrawals a lot faster then you should have. You weren’t going to get your hands on meth, clearly. So you needed a substitute, luckily, you were currently sitting in a hospital which was filled with every single painkiller known to man.

“Good try honey, a part from the fact that your bloodstream and body couldn’t even handle a tylenol at the minute, I’m also not going to give an addict drugs, just hang in honey, the chest pain and muscle cramps should start to pass soon.”

Just as she was finishing, your eyes darted to the emergency room doors, which were now hanging open as your two moms and Lia walked through the doors.

Jordan was dressed in the same sweats she’d been in all morning, her face was red and puffy, eyes bloodshot and still full of tears.

Leah looked more put together, she had a pair of slacks on and a clean shirt, her eyes were as red as Jordan’s but she appeared to have put on more of a brave face.

Your eyes darted everywhere, looking for some kind of escape, or to stop their fast steps that were slowly getting closer to you with every millisecond that passed.

There was no hope for you.

If the drugs hadn’t killed you then your moms would.

Leah managed to cross into your makeshift room first, her eyes flashing across every inch of your body. You expected her to ask the nurse a question, or yell at you, but she didn’t.

She walked straight to your bedside, your nurse moving out of the way, and without you being aware of what was happening, wrapped her arms around your body.

You didn’t hug your moms a lot anymore.

In the start, when you’d started out with them, it had taken a lot of effort from them to make you trust them with that kind of contact, but eventually, you’d become reliant on their hugs, the shoulder pats, the little motherly touches here and there that you’d never gotten as a kid.

When they’d broken up, the hugs and contact had faded, similarly to the love in the house, it was like everything personal, everything that made Leah’s house a home had been drained.

“You’re okay, thank god you’re okay.”

Leah’s body lingered on your own body long enough for Jordan’s arms to wrap around your body on the other side of you.

You hadn’t been hugged by the both of them in over a year, you felt guilty for wishing that this wouldn’t be a one time thing, that you could have this whenever you wanted. That wasn’t your life though, it wasn’t your reality, it wasn’t reality.

You let yourself relax, you knew you’d regret it when the moment ended, it’d make it that much harder to realise you couldn’t have this, but you let yourself enjoy it whilst you had it.

It lasted longer than you’d thought, it was hard, Jordan hugs were addictive. You didn’t get them a lot anymore, occasionally you’d get a hug from Leah, once every blue moon when she wanted one, but it wasn’t like this. It wasn’t body on body, feelings on feelings, love on love.

You didn’t know if you knew what love felt like anymore, over the years it had been distorted, you were certain that love could only be given to a person in transaction. It’s why you’d tried to be perfect, the perfect kid, the perfect student, the perfect player. You’d given up when Jordan had left, it didn’t matter anymore, there wasn’t enough love to be shared around between you and Leah. Love to you, was a privilege, not something that everyone had extra of. You had to earn love, or at keast that;s how you’d always seen it. You’d never been good enough for your own parents, that’s how you’d ended up with Jordan and Leah, from them you’d always craved that love, the love you’d never gotten and you’d been willing to do anything for it, you still were.

“We love you so much chicky, so much.”

You enjoyed the little murmurs, the little whispers in your ears that were so heartfelt and meaningful that you could feel the tears of your moms dripping down each side of your neck.

All good things come to and end, but it didn’t make it any easier.

Leah, unsurprisingly was the first to turn to your nurse.

“They didn’t tell me anything on the phone, just that we needed to come here, she’s okay?”

Your nurse nodded at your mom.

“Yes ma’am, we’re flushing her out right now. She wants to discharge herself, it’s going against medical advice but she’s free to once she’d done with her iv and she’s regained some strength.”

Jordan sat down on the bed next to you, leaving a big enough gap of space that you could still feel her presence but weren’t pressed up against her, she was listening just intently as Leah to the nurse.

“Flushing her out? Of what?”

Fuck.

You’d never ever, in your life, known Leah to not be inquisitive, she needed and wanted answers to everything, but this was worrying you. There were things you kept a secret for a reason.

“Methamphetamines, she had a pretty high amount circulating in her body. I can get the doctor to come and talk to you about it. Her body had built up a decent tolerance, she took it a lot better than you or I would. Apart from that she’s in fairly good condition, although the doctor did have some concerns about some scratches and bruises that seemed consistent with domestic or sexual abuse.”

You watched, in a series of moments, your mothers face fall more and more as the nurse kept speaking. Leah was pretty good at having a poker face, she had to for her job, she also kept a brave face for life though. You’d hardly seen a break in her resolve since her injury but right now, she was keeping nothing hidden. You felt Jordan’s body go rigid behind you as well, you knew shit was about to get real.

You considered strangling yourself with the blanket on top of you, or drowning yourself in the toilet bowl in the adjacent bathroom. It sounded better than the conversation that was about to occur.

“You’re daughter is very lucky, stupid, but lucky. Her friends ditched her at the front door, if they had of been any later she’d be in far worse condition. She was here just quick enough for us to counteract the drugs and stop them from effecting her mental cognition. Her friends shouldn’t have ditched her, or let her get that far gone, but you should be grateful they were at least smart enough to take her somewhere she could get help. I’m going to go find the doctor, he can talk to you about different option you have, and I’ll leave you guys to talk for a little bit, okay?”

Leah nodded, dumbfoundedly, trying her best to smile at the nurse as she made her way towards the exit of your room, closing the curtains and then the door.

Leah pivoted as soon as she was gone, looking down at you with so much horror and pain that you could feel it in your gut.

“Meth, bubba? You’ve been doing meth?”

The sentence hung in the air for a few seconds, filling up all of the space, you hoped that after a couple of seconds that it would disappear, like it had never been said.

“It’s not a big deal.”

You should have chosen your words more precisely, but you were finding it hard to think with all of the drug haze clouding your head.

“Not a big deal? You told me it was the vape, then it was weed, then it was coke and now iut’s fucking meth? There is nothing not big about that bubba. This isn’t just something you can do for fun, this isn’t okay, this is serious. You could die from this. You almost did. You’re 17. 17 year olds aren’t supposed to die. Why bubba? What made you want to do this, not just to yourself but to your life, to everyone. Do you know how scared your mother and I have been. The whole team has been calling up hospitals and roaming the streets looking for you. We’ve been terrified.”

Guilt was one of the best ways to make a person admit they were wrong, you knew it, you’d watched your moms manipulate each other during the break up the same way. They’d use something against the other until it spiralled into a massive fight which would end with someone sleeping at a teammates house or on the couch.

“I’m sorry, okay? Can we just go home? I want to go home.”

Another poor choice in words apparently by the look on Leah’s face.

“No we can’t just go home, we need to talk about this bubba, you overdosed on meth. You have a tolerance for it, which means you’ve been using it for a while. You have bruises and you’re in a hospital bed unable to move. You’re addicted to a drug that I would have thought you’d have absolutely no interest in. You’ve got a disease bubba, you’ve got an addiction and we’re going to work it out, we’ll fix it.”

Similar to being a control freak, Leah was also a person who wanted to fix everything. No problem was big enough for her, apparently your whole life wasn’t either.

“Mom this isn’t a disease, this isn’t like fucking cancer or something. I made a choice, I have it under control, this is my life. I’m choosing to live it this way.”

Your mom looks like she’s about to lose her shit.

“I understand that you think you have this under control and that you think this is the best way to be living your life but it fucking isn’t. I understand you’re struggling, but this isn’t okay, you’re a kid, you can;t be doing this.”

Worst thing you can tell a addict, you can’t take drugs.

Because yes you most certainly can, it’s a free motherfucking country.

“I understand what I’m doing, it doesn’t make me a bad person or any different from your or mama. You don’t like who i am anymore, not since i quit football and stopped being who you wanted me to be, I’ve changed and you have to accept that, this is me mom, this is who I am.”

Leah looked flabbergasted.

“You want me to just nod my head and accept my daughter is a junkie, right? That’s the permission you are seeking, you aren’t going to get it bubba, this isn’t anywhere near okay. This isn’t you, people change, I change, you’re allowed to be different then how you were a couple of years ago. Drugs isn’t how you change yourself, it’s not how you reinvent yourself. You can’t live your whole fucking life like this because guess what, you’ll end up dead. Addiction is a degenerative disease, it is incurable, it is deadly, it’s no fucking different from cancer and you’ve got it. I understand that, you’ve got an addiction, we’ll figure it out. I am not going to enable you to keep abusing a substance that will kill you. You’ve got a death wish and I won’t sit by and allow it to happen. I thought I was cool, I thought it was good of me to be accepting that you’re a teenager and you were going to do stupud stuff, I let you get away with much more than I should have. I’m sorry, I’m sorry that if I gave you to much space that you felt the need to do this, I’m sorry that I wasn’t a good enough parent to see the warning signs, but I won’t let you kill yourself bubba, not when I can stop it from happening.”

Jordan was still silent, as passive as ever, she’d always taken a backseat, the silent enabler.

“You’ve got no fucking idea what I’m going through, I’m sorry I scared you, but I don’t have to explain my actions to you, you understand nothing about what I’m dealing with.”

The first time you sweared in the presence of Leah and Jordan was your second day with them. You didn’t even know what swearing was, you’d just picked up words that had been said as you’d been growing up. You hadn’t hesitated to throw a ‘fuck’ out when you’d stubbed your foot on the kitchen bench as you’d been pouring yourself a glass of water.

You’d known something was wrong though when you’d turned around to sit back down at the table with Leah and Jordan and both of them looked like they’d seen a ghost.

You’d hardly swore after that, to your core, you were a people pleaser, you didn’t like to be in trouble, right now though it was like everything you’d grown up with was exiting your body. You felt like a monster, like a version of yourself you didn’t know and it was hard, it was really fucking hard. You didn’t want to break down, you were scared that if you were vulnerable you’d be taken advantage of again, the same way that you friends had, so you put up your won shields.

“I don’t need to know what you’re going through to know that this isn’t good. We’ll get you into rehab, we’ll get you clean, we’re here for you, right Jords?”

You could feel Jordan nodding from behind you.

“I’m not going to rehab, fuck no.”

Leah was pacing, it was what she did when she was stressed, it was a clear tell.

“So, I’m just supposed to allow you back into my house, knowing that you’ve been hiding an addiction from me for months, trust that my drug addicted child will stay clean on her own account and be willing to go through withdrawals and not give in to her own addiction. Do you think I don’t love you, is that it? Because right now you’re telling me that I am expected to allow my daughter to use drugs, lethal drugs that almsot killed her, under my roof, allow you to live your life as you want it, and leave you alone. As a person who loves you and has loved your for the past 9 years of your life, are you actually hearing what you are saying?”

Love.

It was a curious thing, your mother thought she loved you, or at least she felt like she did. Ut was funny how to you, you felt the exact opposite way.

“So what you’re doing this to show me you love me or something? Reality check, you haven’t given a fucking shit about me in months, it’s all about Lia, all about your knee. I’m not selfish enough to expect that you can focus on me whilst your recovering but don’t try and act like you’ve been loving and caring about me this whole time when you haven’t.”

Leah sits herself down, she can only handle so long on her feet nowadays.

“Maybe you should coem stay with me, come to rehab in Birmingham. Bubba, your mom is still struggling.”

You’re more than shocked to hear Jordan pipe up, it reignites something else in you.

“No you don’t get to have a fucking say. You left me, you don’t text anymore, you don’t call. I’m only your kid when it’s convenient for you, which is about 10 days every year. You don’t even try with me, you washed your hands of me a year ago and you don’t get to come back now. You gave me up.”

Your sick of being the understanding one, sick of being the one everybody could burden with their problems, sick of being the fucking scapegoat in every situation.

“Look kid, i think you need to have some more respect for your mothers.”

Lia.

Fucking Lia and her audacity and her fucking butting into all of your family problems.

“No you don’t get a fucking say, you move in a couple of months ago to support my mom and all of a sudden your my third fucking parent. You’ve got nothing to do with me, You don’t get to have a say in anything, you aren’t apart of this fucking family.”

Leah looked like she was having about 30 wars with herself inside of her head, like she was struggling to figure out which side of her brain she should side with.

“Bubba, we’ve talked about this, you need to be respectful to Lia.”

You were sick of everybody telling you that you had to respect people, that you had to follow fucking rules. They wondered why you’d spiralled.

“No, fuck this, fuck you, fuck jordan, fuck everything. I made a series of decisions, ones that I am happy with, this is how I am living my life.”

Leah took a deep breath, before turning to face you.

It was hard looking at her eye to eye, you were putting her through a lot right now, and a part of you deep down felt bad about it. You didn’t want to make your mom feel in pain, you didn’t want her to suffer, it was the last thing you wanted. Without her, you’d be as good as nothing, you’d have absolutely nothing. But you were lashing out, you were as frantic as your sore chest and pumping heart would let you be.

“Bubba. You don’t seen what’s wrong. I do, Jordan and I are sitting here talking to a girl that we don’t know. This isn’t our daughter, this isn’t the girl we’ve raised. You’re going to go to rehab, you’re going to detox, you’re going to get properly clean and once you are we’ll have this conversation again, see if you have a different perspective.”

You didn’t want to have this conversation when you were clean, you wanted to have it now.

“No. If you gave a shit about me, like you’re acting to, you wouldn’t have fucking broken up in the first place. You wouldn’t have torn my life apart, you wouldn’t have done this to me. You wouldn’t have stopped cring about me, you wouldn’t have stopped loving me. Let me go, let me leave. You fucking did this to me and if you want to make it up to me you’ll let me leave.”

You saw Leah’s face fall to another level.

“I can’t do that bubba.”

You felt like you were spinning out of control, like you were in a car that had just fallen over a cliff, and you were slowly doing flip after flip as the car catapulted towards the rocks at the bottom.

“Mom, just let me leave, let me go, please mom, let me leave, let me fucking leave.”

Leah just shook her head at you.

“Bubba, I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, it might not ever. I know me and your mom breaking up was hard for you, you didn’t deserve that, and I’m sorry for that, but neither of us could handle keeping you in a household without love, and I know it’s different now, I’m so sorry for that, I wish we could go back. But we can’t, me and your mom don’t love each other more, we can’t just love each other. We love you though, we love you more then anything else. We would both pick you above anybody in the world, you’re our beautiful little girl, you’re our girl. You’ll never not be our daughter. We chose you years ago and we would choose you again today, everyday, for the rest of our lives. No matter what you do.”

There are big tears dripping down your moms face, you’ve seen her cry plenty in your life, Leah Williamson is known to be an emotional person, but not like this, not with this much anguish and pain in her face, never like this.

“You don’t love me, you can’t fucking love me, I’m not like either of you. I break people apart, I’m a catalyst, everywhere I go, I tear people a part, I wreck their lives. I wrecked my parents, I wrecked you guys relationship, I wrecked my own life. I’m a fucking semi-truck that bulldozes through peoples lives, just let me leave and you guys can be happy again.”

Leah takes a double take, her fists are white from how hard they are holding onto the arms of the chair she’s sat in. You’re surprised she doesn’t yell back at you, but instead of meeting your aggression with an equal amount, she composes herself.

“Bubba, do you know how much I love you, how much your mama and I love you? If you could take all of the words in the english language, it still wouldn’t be enough to describe how much we love you. And if you could gather all of those words together, it still wouldn’t be enough. What we feel for you is everything. I love you more than everything. You don’t pull people a part, you’ve made your mama and I happier than we ever would have been without you. You light up our lives everyday, I know it doesn’t feel like it, but just seeing you everyday is my biggest achievement, it’s the best part of my day. Seeing you grow up to be the person Jord and I raised will forever be the best part of my life. You didn’t tear us apart, if anything you were what kept us together for so long, because being around you made us both so happy, that all of our problems didn’t matter as much. Eventually it was too much though, it had nothing to do with you, it never will, it never did. You’re the light in our life, you are our whole universe. We just want you to be okay, you don’t have to be who you were, people change, but you need to be okay. You’re not okay right now, there isn’t anything wrong with that, it’s okay to not be okay, but me and your mama will find you help if you don’t seek it our yourself. You need to go to rehab, you can’t live your life like this, it isn’t sustainable. Drugs ruin peoples lives. I don’t need to throw stats at you for you to understand the magnitude of drug related deaths, because that’s how this will end, with you dead. You’ve been through so much bubba, you’re so strong, but you don’t always have to be strong, you’re allowed to break down, you’re allowed to have bad days. But drugs isn’t a way to fix that, it’s not a safe coping mechanism, you can’t rely on drugs to solve every problem that you have. You need to get clean. We love you so much, our beautiful girl.”

Everything hurts, your heart, your head, your body. Your eyes and head aren’t clear, it’s like there is a fuzzy haze covering everything, but you believe what Leah is telling you, she’s telling you the honest truth, and you can’t deny that.

#woso #woso community #sammykworshipper thoughts #leah williamson #arsenal wfc #leah williamson x reader #jordan nobbs x reader #jordan and leah #jordan nobbs #golden retriever leah vibes #leah williamson is mother #leah williamson fic #leah williamson imagine #woso imagine #woso fanfics #woso x reader #sammykworshipperfics

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monkmain · 4 months

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Edit: Oh my god I posted this like an hour ago everyone calm down

Also for clarification I’m not saying the wiki should include the smart friend thing I just think they should mention how that symbol resembles the scholar

Ok maybe a couple hours ago but still

Ok look everyone is saying this isn’t really the scholar

This is the scholar. It would make sense that the scavengers accidentally wrote it backwards because they have never wrote it anywhere else. Scavengers aren’t perfect.

Again, I think the wiki should mention that the second glyph vaguely resembles the scholar, but not outright say that glyph is the scholar.

Oh and also these symbols are present in hunter’s campaign implying that moon was conscious for a bit after her collapse and that’s a cool lore tidbit

OK OK EVERYONE STOP

I am aware I was wrong and this post should no longer be taken seriously

also scavengers probably wouldn’t need the mark to gather that she was smart

she probably showed them how to craft things or something i don’t know

but that’s not the point

the point is that I was wrong and if nobody sees the edits I made to this I will be extremely annoyed

Please don’t make this a big thing

This is not the scholar or the scholar inverted this is the first karma symbol alongside a part of the scholar

this is stressing me out please

I have been sucked into the internet’s infinite loop of people negatively receiving my blatantly incorrect opinions

i will turn off Reblogs but I won’t delete this post purely because I found this experience very intriguing and want to remember it

#rain world #spoilers #rain world wiki #karma #please fix #Everyone leave me alone I was wrong

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tarotwithavi · 3 months

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3 things you need to let go of in order manifest your dream life

1. Fear of Rejection

Do you realize that your fear of rejection is holding you back from doing so many things? Also why do you fear rejection ever thought about that? Yes we all fear something and rejection is a really scary word. Nobody likes rejection but the truth is the fear of rejection is what is holding us back and those who have let it go of this fear have achieved great things. Everybody is afraid of rejection so to say but what kind of rejection? Societal rejection that the society won't accept you for who you are, romantic rejection that your crush won't like you back or rejection from your own self? Why do you reject yourself? Why do you reject your thoughts? Why do you think that you are not capable of what you desire? This may not be a big thing but in order to evolve and grow you need to go through these questions and ask yourself why you fear rejection.

3 things to do to let go of this fear

Understanding Impermanence: Recognize that rejection is a part of life, and it doesn't define your worth. People's opinions and circumstances change, and rejection doesn't necessarily reflect a permanent state.

Focusing on Growth: Embrace rejection as an opportunity for personal growth. Learn from the experience, adapt, and use it as a stepping stone towards self-improvement.

Building Resilience: Develop resilience by realizing that not every rejection is a personal attack. Building a strong sense of self allows you to withstand setbacks and move forward with confidence.

2. Expectations

Sometimes you expect too much from people and from yourself too and when you cannot fulfill those expectations you feel upset. You have a great heart and there is no doubt about how pure and innocent your energy is. You do your best in everything you do, if you love someone you love them from all your heart and you will do everything for them. You expect others to do the same for you, expecting is not a bad thing but being upset over others not fulfilling YOUR expectations is not good. You need to let go of those expectations. And you don't have to live up to others expectations also. As a human we always expect others to do something for us or we just expect something in return. It's in our nature. You don't have to fulfill others' expectations and others don't have to fulfill yours. So you just need to let go of “expectations”.

Mindful Awareness: Be conscious of your expectations and question whether they are realistic. Sometimes, expectations can set you up for disappointment if they are too rigid or dependent on external factors.

Embracing Flexibility: Cultivate flexibility and openness to different outcomes. This doesn't mean lowering standards, but rather being adaptable to the twists and turns that life may bring.

Communicating Expectations: Clearly communicate your expectations to others when appropriate. This reduces the chances of misunderstandings and aligns everyone involved.

3. Self-Doubt

We've all been there, right? Dealing with self-doubt is like a universal thing and is a common human experience. But, let's be real for a moment, when did we let that self-doubt become the boss of our lives? Like, where did it even come from? Because, let's face it, it's not like self-doubt runs in the family or is scribbled into our DNA. Nah, it's more about what others toss at us. I used to doubt myself and still do actually(sometimes). But hey, I'm putting in the work. The more I do, the clearer it gets why the wise ones always say, "Who cares what anyone else thinks?" It's like, do you, be you, and forget the noise from the peanut gallery.

Positive Self-Talk: Challenge negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Focus on your strengths and past successes to counteract self-doubt.

Setting Realistic Goals: Break down larger goals into smaller, achievable steps. This allows you to build confidence gradually and see tangible progress.

Seeking Support: Share your concerns with trusted friends or a mentor. External perspectives can provide valuable insights and encouragement, helping you overcome self-doubt.

#pick a card #manifestation #spirituality #loassumption #loa tumblr #law of attraction #law of assumption #law of manifestation #love yourself #self concept #manifesting #happy life #tarotwithavi

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valictini · 11 months

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I was watching a video analysing how the Yiga clan were handled in botw and how the person analysing it lamented the fact that Kohga was a joke character who totally destroyed the much more threatening image the yiga clan had all throughout the game. Although I do understand the sentiment (I felt that way for a long time) I’ve come to realise that we might not be viewing it in the right perspective. I ended up writing a comment under that video explaining how I saw things, and realised that maybe it could interest people here too? So here is the fleshed out version of it:

I think part of why they made Kohga extremely goofy compared to a way less goofy clan of literal assassins is to emphasise how even though the clan originally held some understandable beliefs, it has become a cult of personality over the years, and like most cults, the leader is way less charismatic than his followers make him out to be. Indeed, from the outside, it seems absurd how anyone could take Kohga seriously, let alone kill under his command, but from the inside, Kohga is the Beloved Leader That Guides Them Towards Victory, and anyone threatening him deserves to die.

In a way, yiga clan members feel like vulnerable, impressionable people who were enrolled into a cult and given a Big Family and a purpose (and a lethal weapon) by their lovable Master Kohga who wants the best for them… Except if you want to get out, then you’re a filthy traitor who also deserves to die. It’s especially visible when you beat him and they all get personally mad at you for killing him. They didn’t care about Ganon, they didn’t seem to actually understand the bigger picture, they only cared about Kohga.

It also shows how, like the rest of Hyrule, the Yigas are very much disconnected from their own history, seemingly holding on the grudge their ancestors held more as an excuse to continue to enact violence and perpetuate the cult of personality than fighting for a “noble” cause. Only Kohga seems to actually care about Calamity Ganon, and the rest of the yigas seem to be just tools to him. Wether or not he’s actually conscious of what he’s doing is unclear. Is he a fully aware con artist, or is he purely another product of Yiga indoctrination?

So yeah, to me it feels like a parody/critic/mockery of cult dynamics. It shows that this gang of assassins are indeed a real menace, but for seemingly no reason other than “that one lunatic they admire told them to” and “if they go away they get killed”. The reason why the clan was originally created becomes almost anecdotal. Under the current leader, no one is required to actually know what they’re doing, they just need to follow orders.

In the end, I think it is the intention the developers had because cults are a rampant problem in Japan. At the very least, even if it’s not a actually conscious critic, it’s a concept that is much more present in their cultural landscape than ours and that almost certainly influenced how they handled the Yiga clan. Basically, cults are not cool and can even be dangerous both for the public and their members. Cult leaders especially are not cool and often are con artists. Therefore, Kohga couldn’t be badass, he had to be a doofus getting beaten in the most unexceptional way possible.

#botw #breath of the wild #master kohga #yiga clan #kohga #loz #the legend of Zelda #tloz #meta analysis #i purposefully didn’t talk about kohga’s change of heart in AoC because to me this game is not canon #one could argue it proves that Kohga is actually not aware of how catastrophic enabling Ganon would be #but for the sake of keeping it focused on botw I didn’t mention it #cult mention #valictini talks

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babypinkhearts · 3 months

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always an angel, never a god. - g. satoru

pairing: gojo satoru + fem!reader

summary: is he truly aware of how different he is?

warnings: angst! reader and gojo are students at jujustu high, everyone is safe!!! comfort, fluff, mentions of violence. i broke my heart a little. can be seen as foreshadowing but you didn’t hear that from me.

a/n: inspired by “not strong enough” by boy genius. i fear this is my new favorite.

demeaning is what you would call this.

watching, in something you can only describe as jealousy, as gojo satoru walks back towards you, a shit-eating grin present on his face.

it’s like this often.

infantilization would be an exaggeration. satoru doesn’t baby you per-say, but there is clearly a conscious effort made to make sure you are always behind him. he leads. he attacks. he succeeds.

and then you’re back at square one. walking together, back to jujustu high as satoru rambles about arbitrary topics. missions with him end quickly. he asks, - or, more accurately - orders, you to stay back as he takes less than a minute in exorcising whatever curses are ahead. you never question him as to why you’re always paired together. you know he has something to do with it.

“you hungry?” he smiles, an arm comfortably rested across your shoulders. he subconsciously guides you as you walk along the pavement.

you spare a quick glance at him. he looks content, that expression of satisfaction feeling somewhat bothersome to you at the moment.

“not really…” you mumble, eyes trailing off as you looked at the buildings beside the two of you.

you wonder as to why you’re beside him. not in the literal sense - you already know he’s here by pure will. but, what was the point of missions, of jujustu, when all you did was stay back and observe? you gave up any chance of a normal life for this.

you feel satoru looking at you.

you contemplate for a little, choosing to avoid his eyes. defeatedley, you briefly close yours.

your voice is quiet as you speak. you wonder if he even hears you, your voice muffled under the busy street noise.

"this has to stop, gojo."

the rest of the walk is silent.

•••

your abilities could never amount to satoru.

he had everyone beat - effortlessly, really. there was no process of acceptance for it. you couldn’t mourn the loss of something you could never have.

the god himself, picked from the heavens and placed into your world. clouding your senses, leaving only the thought of him in your head. he was impossible to ignore. the brightest of people that made you feel so incredibly dull.

he was beautiful. ethereal and worshipped. you knew you loved him, pathetically so.

it was obvious that some amount of affection was mutual. he was constantly around you, where he had clearly stated - out loud - that it was where he preferred to be. you basked in his presence.

“what movie?”

your eyes scan the two discs in satoru’s hands. a horror and a thriller. judging by the intense covers of both, you had a suspicion that they weren’t too different.

“options seem… limited.” you mumble, a soft smile on your face as you watch him in amusement. you quickly learned that satoru never really flocked towards a certain genre. he could easily watch an action movie and jump straight into a depressive drama.

“option one it is!” he grins, turning back to the TV, pressing play almost immediately after the disc is inserted. you wonder how he was always so hyper. he could be thrown a boulder the size of the earth and not seem affected. it worried you at times.

you move a little to the side of your bed, making room for him. this was a bit of a routine. a class, training, or mission would be over and the two of you would naturally be in your room afterwards, talking or watching whatever movies saturo would randomly bring.

you loved it. whatever it was. you couldn’t tell.

“have you seen this one?” you asked, heart briefly stopping as you register the feeling of his head resting comfortably in your lap. he’s so casual about it. a hand is gently placed on your thigh.

“no, i just got it last week.” he replies, glancing up at you. his glasses are off. the blue is almost frightening, too compelling to look back at. you refrain.

you hum in response, learning back against the wall as your eyes follow the bright screen ahead. you try your best to ignore the boy in your lap. it works for a bit.

there’s three pokes on your thigh about half-way through the movie.

looking down, you raise a brow at satoru.

he smiles, pleased at your attention.

“who’s more likely to die in a horror movie - me or you?”

you scoff, head tilting back up to pay attention to the movie again. you’re painfully reminded that satoru can be a little clueless at times. he’s an idiot.

“hey,” he whines, poking your side this time, eliciting a slap on the wrist from you. “i’m serious!”

you knew he meant for the question to be fun - he probably asked it because he was tired of the silence. but he was oblivious, you noticed. maybe dense. it had been a long day, you doubt he meant any harm. but, you also couldn’t help but feel he is slightly taunting you. tormenting because he knows how easy of an answer that is. a hand is raised, and you carefully brush his hair out if his face.

“you would outlive all of us, satoru.”

silence comes again.

you feel the hand on your thigh retreat, and suddenly satoru sits up.

you don’t mean for your words to come out as harshly as they do. you’re blunt at times, and it makes you feel guilty. couldn’t you humor him a little - reply back with a smile that is equally as playful? but you can’t compare to him. you don’t have the luxury to be so high-spirited all of the time.

you’re forced to look at him now, his eyes staring you down. the movie is on low volume, dialogue from the characters coming out as low hums. you’ve never seen satoru like this. he’s without a smile, and his lips are downcast in a small frown.

“i don’t want that.”

his voice sounds almost defeated, as if it’s an admission to a thought he hides from. you realize that the conversation has moved past a silly theoretical question and on to something real.

“i hate the thought of that.” satoru elaborates, closing his eyes briefly.

he’s gifted, of course. he’s aware. gojo satoru takes his confidence everywhere because he can. he allows himself to brag, because what else can he do? he can’t hide his strength. everyone knows what he is capable of. he’s not “normal.” he can’t be. when the world calls, he’s there. he puts himself in an incredible amount of danger and is never afraid because he knows he will be okay.

you can’t flaunt your strength the same, and he’s painfully aware of it. he doesn’t mean to belittle you. in all honesty, he hopes it never comes across as that, but he knows it does. you’re not weak, but why fight when he could save you? why risk it? if anything, he would take a beating for you a hundred times over. he’d give his life.

but there’s something so isolating about his abilities. again, he’s different. unrelatable, retired from any chance at normality. more-so than you. for as long as he lives, he will feel the need to protect. the fight is never over. a “god” is what he gets called the most. it’s usually playful, a joke. but hidden in those words is the reality of constant expectations he is forced to meet. a god.

“i know i can be…” satoru trails off, shifting slightly as he crosses his legs. “suffocating.”

in all honesty, since your last mission, he hadn’t stopped thinking about your words. or the look on your face.

this has to stop.

you had looked crushed. it made his heart sink.

in this world of pure danger and inevitable loss, satoru tries to keep his worries at bay. protecting you is a natural response. a weakness is pointless if it is never reached.

and he hated to admit it. an achilles heel placed directly on gojo satoru, the strongest. it made him sick.

“no, you’re not.” you quietly reply, shaking your head. you’re lying through your teeth, but you find that you really dislike serious satoru. it scares you. perhaps there’s a reason he is rarely like this. it feels as though the walls are caving in, and he’s being pushed closer to you, overwhelming you with his entire being. gojo satoru being serious feels unnatural. it’s uncomfortable. but it’s something new. a side you’ve never seen before, and you secretly thank the world that he lets you witness it.

he sends you a pointed look, a bitter chuckle leaving his lips. “don’t do that.”

you slowly nod, smiling slightly. “sorry.”

the dynamic is like this. you obey him, constantly. you’re one of his worshippers. you don’t realize that satoru ultimately does the same thing with you.

he stares at you with fondness in his eyes.

he loves you. and he thinks he has for a long time now.

but what is a god if they let themselves feel so… mortal? he can act the part. he’s defeated everything he’s touched. he’s feared, and simultaneously adored.

so why can’t he let himself have you so easily?

“i guess i’m just-“

satoru takes in a sharp breath, and your stomach drops as you watch his head bow down, evading your eyes. he doesn’t speak for a while, and you assume he is silently asking to drop the topic.

until his shoulders slump, and you can see them start to tremble.

gojo satoru was not a god.

he was mortal, human. as much as the world seemed to think he wasn’t. he tried to convince himself of the same, but it evidently proved to be useless.

you don’t say a word to him, reaching out and letting him bury his face in your shoulder. you can feel him suppressing his emotions the best he can, hyper-aware of the way you fail to feel him breathe against you.

when you turn to kiss his cheek with a feather-like touch, all composure is lost. you feel a stifled sob escape him.

satoru is mortified at the thought of losing you - losing anybody. he realized it when he finally registered how deeply he cared for you.

would being “the strongest” suffice?

he wish he could see the future.

he knows he’s been wrong. but more importantly, utterly selfish. you never asked to be loved by him. or protected. satoru easily gives into his own desires, ignorant as to how it affects those around him.

if the world saw satoru as a god, then he saw you as the most breathtaking angel.

you were more than worthy of his attention. he put you on a pedestal, out-ranking all he’s done in his life. he could live a thousand lifetimes and still want you just as badly. he wonders if that’s normal - if what he feels for you should be as strong as it is. should he be physically affected? sometimes he senses his heart pounding, the sensation intense enough to make him sick.

but he reminds himself that it’s the best kind of feeling.

how many times has he sat next to you, leaning his entire body on yours as he not-so-discreetly searches for your warmth? your touch. he’ll gladly fill his senses with only thoughts of you.

satoru’s head tilts up from it’s place on your shoulder, and he kisses you messily.

gojo satoru is selfish. and he’ll accept it.

if this lifetime is the only one he is meant to spend with you, then fuck it. fuck it all. he will let himself be greedy.

his hands are in your hair, and he attempts to pour out every little bit of emotion he has in his scrambled brain. he can’t think clearly. all he knows is that you’re kissing him back, and he’s fighting the biggest smile.

it’s heavenly.

you part from him after a while, lips swollen and face flushed.

satoru isn’t much better, his breath staggered and pupils dilated.

he attempts to lean in again, but a gentle hand on his chest stops him. satoru blinks, watching you as you let out a small laugh. you feel relieved. as if the heaviest weight has been lifted off your shoulders, and you are free and liberated.

you’re somewhat in disbelief.

this ethereal being has confessed to you. an emotion that is so incredibly mutual. reciprocated to only the strongest amount. a love so infinite that it nearly drove you mad.

satoru smiles. it intensifies.

your laugh is contagious, and suddenly the two of you are unable to catch your breath, faces pink from hope, joy, and love.

satoru will take this.

he can be vulnerable. he must let you be independent. what is a commitment to confirmed infatuation without trust?

he can let himself be human. what a miserable life it’d be without you.

after all, a “god” will be okay with his angel.

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sugarcoatedcherry · 5 months

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THE ONLY INFO YOU WILL NEED ABOUT VOID - WHY LUCID DREAM METHOD IS PROBABLY THE BEST WAY TO ENTER VOID

By now everybody know that you enter the void every night, right?

When you say you are unable to enter the void, you don't mean you are unable to enter the void, what you mean is you are not able to catch your awareness while you are in void. And today we will fix that.

Have you ever wondered why we all love sleeping? Because you are in void when you sleep. You are in void when you are awake too, but your conscious mind takes over your subconscious, which is highly judgemental. This is what Non Dualism talks about. You are your "I Am". You are already in your pure consciousness state. You are everything you want.

This concept is laid out beautifully in Hinduism. If you are a long time follower, you'll know about turiya that I introduced (turiya, in Sanskrit translated to English is void). Turiya is the state that governs the other three states, that is, waking, sleep and dreaming.

So to solve the problem, all you need in awareness during your sleep. The reason it's easier to tap into the void in sleep is because you have already activated your subconscious. Your logical or the conscious brains shuts off, making it easier to access higher dimensions.

No matter what others say, Void is also a deep meditative state - but here I will interpret in another way. If you are ever so deeply relaxed in meditation then you will able to detach your physical senses. And that state prolonged will lead you into void. When people say that void isn't a meditative state, they fail to comprehend that the entire objective of meditation is detaching the physical senses and accessing the "I AMness"

And what is something that makes you aware in your sleep easily and quickly? Lucid dreaming. There are many methods for LDing. But the quickest way to do it is definitely the very effective phase method (at this point I can be it's brand ambassador 😭)

The reason I swear by it is because it combines every lucid dream method like wild, fild etc., i to one. I will link this post of mine that will explain to you in detail. I also want to mention how effective lucid dreaming subliminals can be too.

We literally spend 8 hrs a day or 1/3rd of our life sleeping. Do you not want to make this time exciting and worthwhile? LD has plenty of benefits and manifesting, healing traumas, asking advice from spiritual guide is only a few. Oooh and entering the void, ofc. Since you create your own dreamscape, you can do a lot of fun things while you're in it.

You can LD this very night! Good luck <3

#void state #law of assumption #void success #the void state #lawofassumption #affirm and persist #loa success #law of manifestation #reality shifting #shifting

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multiversebaddie · 1 year

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The Complete Guide to Nondualism

Disclaimer: I want to talk about nondualism because to be honest I have “outgrown” the law of assumption and I really resonate with nondualism. Nondualism IS NOT a method, technique, concept, or a law like the law of assumption to get your desires, it is a lifestyle. If you don’t resonate with this you can keep scrolling.

The definition of nondualism

"Non-dualism or advaita vedanta means "Not Two" and at its core it is saying that we are just Awareness. Awareness like Non-dualism are labels that are unreal, everything that is spoken and explained are concepts and all concepts are imagination. What we truly are is indescribable, unimaginable, pure nothingness (no-thing, not nothing!), awareness, imagination, ultimate intelligence, THAT, IT, whatever you want to call it. Everything you perceive is You. There is nothing else but You"- by @infinite.ko on Instagram.

What does this all mean?

If you are familiar with Neville Goddard’s terminology “I am” we are literally that…we are pure consciousness/awareness/imagination, and we are all one. The difference between Neville Goddard’s views of the “I am” is that he had limiting beliefs that we are still our pure consciousness living in our human bodies and experiencing life through “states.” In nondualism, we are simply pure consciousness/imagination/awareness, we are every-thing, anything, and no-thing at the same time. We are all one consciousness means that we are our toothbrush, our phone, our tv, the animals, houses, plants, each other, Hogwarts, our sps, anything and everything you can imagine because we are imagination itself…it all stems from SELF. We are all one Self, we are silence. You know when you stare out into space and you zone out with no thoughts in your mind? That is who we truly are as pure consciousness/imagination/awareness, just silence in the now because time is an illusion, there are no past or future. When nondualism says who we are is “I am” it means I=consciousness, awareness, imagination Am=is. You simply ARE, it is unmoving: never changes, never dies, never leaves, and it is always there and has always been there and it is SILENT. There is nothing to be “aware of,” you already are always awareness right now and that is who we all are at our truest Being. In fact….everything is an illusion-your physical human senses, your physical human body, thoughts, feelings, assumptions, states, beliefs, words, and everything around you is an illusion. Even the word nondualism is an illusion, we are such an indescribable thing that this is the closest thing that we can get to describing who we truly are. As pure awareness/consciousness/imagination the things around you in your physical reality only seem to be “real” because you are simply aware/conscious of them. The moment you take your awareness/consciousness away from them they cease to exist until you bring your attention back to them. As pure consciousness/imagination/awareness we are the creators of our “realities” (that in itself is an illusion), our own creations, and most of all observers which means things only exist when we observe (aware/conscious) of them.

Awareness and “Observing”

You are awareness. You are consciousness. You are imagination. You are the observer of your reality. They all mean the same exact thing, meaning you are always awareness. It isn’t anything separate from you or even in you-it’s YOU! The physical senses are not real, only your awareness is. Anything that you experience with your physical 5 senses is not real, in fact you being aware of that thing has no image at all either. We are so indescribable, formless, and imageless and everything else around us is as well too. In terms of observing: “the moment you imagine something, it exists” (imagining meaning you bring into awareness aka just know it’s real) it exists because it’s literally you! You have no image you only show up in whatever you observe so basically when you observe your desire whatever it is it instantly exists because it’s you. You have no image so that thing you observed is you already exists because you gave it your awareness, therefore it’s here so don’t question it! You are the laptop, you are the trees, you are the house, you are Hogwarts, etc anything and everything you observe simply because you are bringing your awareness to it as that “image” but it’s all you! You shouldn’t rely on your physical senses at all because it’s an illusion that’s showing up as what you observed in the past, it literally has no meaning!

So…is this the void state?

No, the void state like every other “concept” is an illusion. The void state implies that it’s some kind of “state” that’s “within us” and we must reach through meditation. We ARE ALWAYS awareness, we already are IT. The “void state” implies that we need to “get into a state” to “manifest/reality shift instantly.” We always do everything instantly, the reason why things don’t “seem” instant is because we identify with our human bodies, human mind, and human eyes which are all illusions.

What about Self concept?

I know I always preached self concept, and while it’s not a bad thing and it is still beneficial if you still follow the law of assumption in nondualism you do not need to work on your self concept. We are all one consciousness/awareness/imagination therefore there’s no point in working on self concept because any other identification besides our truest Being is an illusion. Awareness/consciousness/imagination has no self concept because it has no body image, we already are everything and anything right now as one consciousness/awareness/imagination. All you need to do is let go of your identification with your human body, human mind, and human eyes and fully embrace Self as Awareness. Doze off and stare into space or close your eyes and focus on the blackness before your eyes, you know how everything seems to become still when you concentrate on either of these things? Okay that is who you truly are as awareness, because we are silence, so tell yourself: I am pure awareness, and I am letting go of my identification with my human body, human mind, and ego. You might feel a huge weight lifted off of your chest, or nothing! It’s okay either way because it’s who we truly are so it’s supposed to feel natural and neutral. You might get some push back from the ego which is okay just to remind yourself that your ego is an illusion. You just need to practise being in silence more and surrender to who you truly are with trust and you will notice major changes with Self.

What about the 4D vs 3D and DRs?

There’s no such thing as a 3D (physical reality) vs 4D (nonphysical) reality or “DRs”- they are all inseparable because the only thing that exists is imagination which is self. We are imagination, so these “realities” stem from self, the 3D, 4D, and DRs are just the same thing which is imagination. I want to clarify that when I say we are “imagination” I am not talking about visualising, that is a method. Imagination are concepts and ideas, it is infinite and indescribable. The concept of realities in itself is an illusion-reality is like a Sims game, where we can instantly change anything and everything we want based on what we decide to become aware/conscious of, since all that exists is awareness/consciousness. The moment you want to “manifest” something and shift your awareness to having it already, the physical illusion reality does change instantly, we just don’t see it with our human eyes because we assume that there’s some kind of delay. When we let go of our human identity, human senses, and human body and begin to truly identify with Self (awareness/consciousness/imagination) we begin to realise that we never lacked anything because we are everything and anything we can imagine right now. Everything comes instantly because we understand it’s not current reality vs desired reality or 3D vs 4D but imagination vs imagination and time isn’t real. There never was a time delay or mirroring between the 3D vs 4D, it only exists because we were aware/conscious of it-they are the same exact thing which is just imagination-aka US because we are imagination.

How does this relate to Manifesting and Reality Shifting?

Okay, so first and foremost “manifesting” and “reality shifting” just like every other word are just an illusion. As pure consciousness/awareness/imagination we are everything and anything we can imagine right now. “Lacking” does not exist, you can never lack when you are imagination. Also, you do not “manifest” or “reality shift” all you are doing is changing your awareness as the observer. Since you already are everything and anything right now all you need to do is switch your awareness because you already are it/have it right now whatever you want to “manifest” and wherever you want to “reality shift.” Everything is like a Sims game that can be changed within an instant because everything is just imagination. All we ever are is pure consciousness/awareness therefore what manifests/reality shifts are what we are conscious/aware of. Truly if you wanted to you can turn yourself into a tree, cat, your idol, etc because everything and anything is SELF one consciousness and all an illusion. Thoughts, states, assumptions, feelings, doubts, “methods”, and intention are not what “manifests”/”reality shifts”-it’s what you are aware/conscious of that manifests/reality shifts. Here’s this simple formula of all you ever need to do in order to “manifest/reality shift” in the nondualism perspective:

Decide what you “want” to have. It’s as simple as saying to yourself: I have/I am at______

Become aware/conscious/observe (in other words just know) that you already have it because you are imagination.

Don’t do anything else-you are everything and anything right now so therefore there’s no lacking or wanting because you already have it, just maintain your awareness/consciousness of having it/being there right now. You are your desires no matter what it is right now because you are imagination/consciousness/awareness, you are everything and anything right now.

Note: There is no reason to persist, for example since you have your phone on your hand do you keep telling yourself that you have your phone? No, you just are conscious/aware (know) you have your phone. You don’t constantly think about having your phone, you just know you have it. Since we are everything and anything, we already have our desires/we already are in our DRs right now and there’s nothing you need to persist on. Persisting implies lack because it seems like you are getting something, going back to the phone analogy when you naturally have it you don’t think about it often. As consciousness/awareness this is how you are supposed to view your desires you simply know you already have it. You can persist if you’re doing it with knowing that you already have what you want, and simply doing it as a reminder to maintain the fact that you already have what you want. You don’t persist to “get” something there’s nothing to “get” because you already have/are your desires. You persist to remind yourself that you already have/are what you want.

About the “time lag"

Time lags only exist because you have been taught that there’s a 3D and 4D and the 3D must mirror the 4D at all times and that it takes “time” for the 3D to catch up to your desires. The solution is stop identifying with your human body and human senses and begin to embody Self (consciousness/awareness/imagination) . Truly understand that there’s no separation of “3D and 4D” because the only thing that exists is YOU AS IMAGINATION! You are relying and identifying too much on the human physical senses, which is just an illusion. You will stop worrying about time because everything including time is an illusion and you will know that you already have everything and anything right now because you are everything and anything as imagination. Also, change your awareness/consciousness that time lag isn’t real whenever you become aware/conscious (or observe) of something you desire. The past and future do not exist, there is only now. The past and future are concepts from the mind because think about it all we have is now, the past and future only occur when we think about it and the human mind is an illusion too. Whatever you are aware of right now, no matter what the physical senses show you because it’s all an illusion is what is true because you have brought awareness to it and time isn’t real. When you truly KNOW who you are as awareness/imagination/consciousness and let go fully of the illusion of human identification things will begin to seem “instant.” You will not care about what the physical senses show you because you will truly know and understand that as one awareness, we already are/have everything and anything we can imagine because all that exists is SELF, US, IMAGINATION!

Questions I will not answer

If you ask any of these questions it shows me you haven’t read my guide and I will be mean 😊

Is it the void state?

How do I become aware of something?

How do I manifest/reality shift?

Conclusion

Even words such as nondualism, consciousness/awareness/imagination, silence, and observer are limiting and illusions to who we truly are. They’re the closest things to conceptualising and describing who we are but even then paradoxically it’s all an illusion. We are beyond such words and descriptions, we are indescribable. We are every-thing, anything, and no-thing at the same time: we are Self, one imagination/consciousness/awareness. There are no 3D vs 4D or DRs, there's just imagination which is just US and time lags do not exist unless we are aware of them. Everything including our human bodies and human senses are just an illusion so when it comes to “manifesting”/”reality shifting” it isn’t current reality vs dream reality it is imagination vs imagination. What “manifests”/”reality shifts” is what we are aware/conscious of, not our thoughts, states, assumptions, laws, etc because all we are is pure consciousness/awareness.

#nondualism #non duality #manifestation #manifesting #reality shifting #shifting #shiftblr #spiritualgrowth #spirituality #advaita vedanta

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eamour · 1 year

Text

states

table of contents ⌵

1 ⋮ forewordㆍdefinitionㆍexamples

2 ⋮ state of knowingㆍstate of lack

3 ⋮ changingㆍmaintainingㆍfalling outㆍbeing aware

4 ⋮ misconceptions

5 ⋮ advice

foreword

before we dive into this post, we first need to define WHO you are. you are pure consciousness. you are "I AM", the phrase that states just that — being nothing but awareness. your appearance — just like a state — is what you embody. a malleable physical object that can be changed through imagination. you aren’t the state itself. the state is your costume, your clothing, something you choose to put on and off. the moment you identify your "I AM" you turn your pure, unconditioned awareness into conditioned awareness.

definition

a state is an attitude of mind, a state of experience / consciousness / identity / awareness / imagination with a body of beliefs which you live by. a collective of several thoughts that all refer to one state. you identify yourself with it by saying: "i am…". there are infinite states into which you as an individual may fall, therefore your "i am…" can be anything. thus you manifest through states. what you are conscious of is a thought, an assumption, a bunch of statements that declare one and the same thing, leading to one and the same state. no state is greater than another. but the state, the attitude of mind to which you most constantly return to, constitutes your dwelling place. it's the state that manifests into your 3D reality. depending on what state you are in, it determines your actions and thoughts.

as you are always expressing a state. we wander through states all the time, several times a day. as there is an infinite amount of realities to be aware of, you choose which state it is that you want to dwell on. you can simply pick which state you want to embody and persist in it. persisting in a state is no different than persisting in an assumption. in fact, it's the exact same since a state equals the plural of assumptions.

examples

you always express a state of either having or not having your desire. here are some examples:

state of self-pityㆍstate of self-confidence

state of povertyㆍstate of wealth

state of anxietyㆍstate of calmness

the state of the wish fulfilled

you will hear this phrase a lot as it was coined by neville goddard. being in "the state of the wish fulfilled" simply means that you identify with the version of yourself who has their desires and is aware of that. it's a generic term that says that your wish has been "fulfilled". "fulfilling the inner man" — another term coined by neville — means to be in the state of the wish fulfilled.

example: being in the state of the wish fulfilled could mean being in the state of having your desired apartment.

the state of lack

the state of lack is the opponent to the state of the wish fulfilled or the state of knowing (both mean the same). a state of lack states that you have not established the belief that you have your desire — in other words — that you have not fully adapted to your desired state. acknowledging, realizing, noticing and pointing out that you don't have your desire in the 3D indicates that you do not have it in the 4D either.

example: being in the state of lack could mean being in the state of not having your desired apartment.

changing a state

how do you enter a new state? how do you leave your old state? through belief. you must believe in your state. whatsoever you desire, believe you have received it and you will. the thoughts of you must be accepted literally as they will be fulfilled literally. if you can believe and persuade yourself that things are as you want them to be to the point of actually moving into the feeling of knowing they are true, they will be felt and seen in your world. you must feel (=know) your desires are already realized, that they are already true, for the truth of any concept is known by the feeling of certainty that the thought is true.

in steps

1 ⋮ choose the state you want to occupy.

· · · become clear about what it is that you want to have or who you want to be.

2 ⋮ decide and accept that you have it.

· · · embody the person who already has what you desire. by doing this, you are either living in the end or in the knowing aka living in the state of the wish fulfilled. moreover, you are fulfilling yourself in imagination and enter your desired state.

3 ⋮ remain in the state of knowing by persisting in it.

· · · don't pay attention to opposing thoughts and flip them if needed. persist in staying in the new state until it becomes natural to you.

maintaining a state

you can move into any state, but you might not remain there since a state is made up of a body of beliefs. if you spend the day thinking from a certain point, a certain body of beliefs, the chances are that you might will fall asleep the night occupying the same beliefs.

your maintenance of a state is defined by resistance — in other words — the amount of opposing thoughts you have. you will know when you aren't occupying a state anymore as soon as you get doubts, negative assumptions or thoughts that make you question if you are still inhabiting that state.

meaning, you maintain a state by persisting. this does not mean that you keep going back to the wish fulfilled but rather stay faithful to your whatever you have mentally accepted in imagination.

the same way you have shifted your attention to an undesirable state, you can shift your attention right back to the state that you want to focus on.

falling out of a state

what if you think you have fallen out of that state already? you don’t just magically "fall out of a state". you will know when you aren‘t occupying your desired state anymore once you face resistance. once you start to question the fulfillment of your desire and the rightful embodiment of your state, you inhabit a new state — the state of doubt aka not having your desire aka lack. not thinking of your desire anymore — although you have accepted it to be true — doesn’t necessarily mean that you have stopped being in the state of owning your desire. an accepted thought, an embodied state, does not have to be remembered all the time. do you recall all the things that you own already? exactly, you don’t!

don’t condemn yourself for the state into which you have fallen. if you don’t like it, move into another. don’t feel sorry for yourself, because if you do you will make the state a habit and remain there. remember, the states into which we fall cannot mar or in any way deter our immortal self who fell.

knowing which state you are in

your physical reality will always give you evidence to the thoughts you have accepted to be true. what you see and what you do not see determines the state you are in. why? because manifestation happens instantly. your inner conversations create the external world you are currently living in.

misconceptions of states

1 ⋮ your state does not consist of emotions. emotions have no influence over your manifestation, how you will manifest it, etc.

2 ⋮ you are always in a state, whether you like it or not. it's not a method. you cannot "use" or "apply" it. you don't choose to not be in a state - just like you can't choose that your assumptions don't manifest or that you can magically "stop manifesting". you are always expressing yourself, you are always manifesting. call it assumptions that manifest or states that manifest, it's the same. the idea of states only serves the purpose to demonstrate the law in a more simplified way, trying to make you control or monitor every single thought / assumption of you less.

3 ⋮ therefore - both - thoughts and states manifest as they are the same. thoughts that end up being materialized in your external world have become assumptions accepted as true aka new beliefs. they represent the state you are currently in. it all comes down to belief, not the thought itself, not how many times you repeat an affirmation, but if you believe it to be true.

4 ⋮ having said that, methods do not manifest. you do. your state does, the collective of thoughts.

5 ⋮ you might not enter a state right away after just "intending" to enter it. you enter a state once it feels natural to you and once you have fully accepted it to be true to you. remember, manifestation is instant. your state — if rightfully persisted and thus believed in — will be immediately reflected in your 3D.

6 ⋮ persistence does not equal repetition (aka affirming).

advice

if you will think you have your desire and remain conscious of the state long enough to make it natural, as the thoughts flow from you, they become a natural part of your body of beliefs, and the world will proclaim your desire. your state of occupation will naturally change.

walk in the state until it becomes natural. the moment the feeling is natural, your desire is yours!

with love, ella.

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angelltheninth · 1 year

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How would the BLLK boys act in a lingerie shop with their girlfriend?

This is such a fun scenario, it was really funny to write it out cause I think a lot of them would just be a mess.

Pairing: Yoichi Isagi, Bachira Meguru, Sae Itoshi, Rin Itoshi, Hyoma Chigiri, Kunigami Rensuke, Mikage Reo, Nagi Seishiro, Barou Shoei, Michael Kaiser, Tabito Karasu x Fem!Reader

Tags: fluff, established relationship, shopping, kisses, teasing, lots of blushing, flustered BLLK boys

A/N: I've always been a little shy when going into a lingerie shop tbh and I don't know why.

GETS FLUSTERED - Isagi, Chigiri, Kunigami

He's a blushing mess before you even step into the shop, covering his eyes, not sure where to look because everywhere he does look there's something that he thinks you'd look really good in. When you ask him for his opinion all he can do is stammer out a quick answer just to get out of there fast because the thoughts that he is having right now are far from pure.

"We're going in t-there? Can I even- I don't want to make you feel awkward though. Of course I think they'd look pretty on you but... Okay fine, but just for a little bit. I can just stand off to the side and... oh my g- that looks really, uh, really... awesome and pretty... I gotta go! Meet you by the bathrooms!"

STANDS THERE AWKWARDLY - Rin, Nagi, Karasu

He's calm as you enter but when you're looking through things he just stands awkwardly by your side, rubbing the back of his neck. Hearing the little whispers around you two he gets self conscious and tries not to think about the fact that you will be wearing what ever you pick. Stands outside the changing booth, holding your jacket and politely nodding at whatever you show him, trying very hard not to show you how nervous he is.

"Get in and get out. Simple enough. Yeah, its just lingerie, I've seen you in te before so it doesn't faze me. So uhm, ahem, how long do people usually spend shopping for these things? Just curious. I'm sure that what ever you pick will look great on you sweetheart."

PEAKS AT THE PRODUCTS - Sae, Reo

Even though he's seen you wearing pretty, even sexy, lingerie he can't help but be a little curious about all the different kinds there are. Imagining you in them, you wearing it just for him, it makes him happy to think about. So when you ask him for his opinion he's is very honest, and when you see him eyeing a particular piece you get a little smirk, pick it up, kiss him and wink at him on your way to the changing booth.

"These look nice, I like the material. The pattern would look good on you don't you think. Hm, lets see, you have one like this so maybe something a little more subtle. Don't get me wrong I'll love you in anything, just offering some expert opinions as I've seen quite a few of these on you."

WANTS TO SEE YOU RIGHT AWAY - Bachira, Barou, Kaiser

He's standing outside the changing booth, swaying from foot to foot, a big grin od anticipation on his face. He saw what you picked, very sexy. He can't wait to see you, and even more importantly he can't wait to take it off you. Well aware of his intentions you quickly pull him into the booth with you, telling him to be very quiet if he wants to touch. If he can't stop talking and complimenting you then you'll have to kiss him to shut him up.

"Done yet babe? I wanna see you! It's not weird, I'm gonna be the one looking and taking it off, so naturally I wanna see how pretty you look before that happens. In there? For real? Okay! Holy shit babe, you're... I wanna take it off right now. Haha, a kiss isn't a threat, it the promise of a good time, go right ahead."

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baldursgate3tempobsessed · 7 months

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I’ve binge read your blog tonight! Amazing! I was hoping your requests are open if not please ignore this message 😊

What about astarion x tav reader , who’s an artist - astarion who’s dying to look in a mirror but she depicts him perfectly , possibly angst to fluff? Feel free to take this prompt any which way, I thought this would be wholesome 😊

Aww, that's so cute!

This reminds me of that comic that's floating around here with Tav drawing him and Astarion, not knowing what he looks like anymore, looking over their shoulder like "ooooh you got a crush on this random man we don't know. who is he?" So I mixed that vibe in here!

This is set just a bit before he realizes he's in love with you because I love that for him.

Astarion wasn't worried. He wasn't obsessed, he was just intrigued. Curious even, mildly perplexed at worst. Because he had no idea why he kept catching you drawing the same elf time and time again. And you refused to tell him why.

Now, in all fairness you did occasional sketch out other members of your group. Not everyone, just the few who had the patience to stay still while you worked. Wyll, Shadowheart, Halsin. It was a passion of yours, your art, something that Astarion always liked about you. It helped that you were fantastic at it. You're drawings were so life-like, capturing nearly every feature on their faces. They always left Astarion sincerely impressed, the few times he had managed to see them. Because for someone so talented, you were oddly secretive about your sketchbook.

Now that didn't exactly stop Astarion from seeing them. There were the times he would shamelessly watch you over your shoulder, only leaving when you noticed him and started flailing to cover up your work. He also took the opportunity to occasionally steal it from your tent while you were gone without him, a consequence of you trusting him. He had warned you about that, hadn't he?

You really did create beautiful work. From picturesque scenery to your famous portraits. Though it seemed you had a favorite subject, that damned unnamed elf. You knew the man well enough to draw him from memory it seemed, because Astarion would have remembered running into that face.

Why you never asked the man you're sleeping with to model for you instead of this stranger, he wasn't quite sure. But it was starting to bother him. It didn't help that he was objectively handsome, attractive in a semi-mysterious way. It was even worse that you would start blushing and stuttering whenever he asked about him. You wouldn't even give him a name, just vague stumblings.

"He's um, from Baldur's Gate," You had mentioned once, completely avoiding Astarion's eyes, "It's um. Not important."

"So you'll be introducing us soon then?" Astarion had asked, half-hopeful that you'd deny it. His life would be a lot easier if the mystery man turned out to be a long-dead lover.

But instead you just gave him a shaky nod, "I-sure. Y-Yeah. One day."

And you had left it at that, staying infuriatingly vague whenever he brought the subject up.

Astarion wasn't worried. He wasn't. Or maybe he was, purely off the fact that it couldn't be healthy to be so obsessed with one man's face. Especially if the man in question wasn't him.

Astarion was aware that he was attractive. He had to be for everything he'd gotten away with over the years. But he literally could not know how he matched up to this... random stranger. Who, by the way, had done nothing to help you while you had a mind flayer parasite trapped in your head. Astarion certainly had that over him at least. But he wasn't quite sure if he matched up in... other areas.

Astarion wasn't exactly used to being self-conscious. At least not when it came to his appearance. The ability had been taken away from the second Cazador got his fangs into his neck. He still thought about it, often in fact, that he had no idea what he looked like. But the enamored responses he usually received by existing quelled most worries.

Now though... now he had to wonder. And he wasn't a fan of the feeling.

He hadn't wanted to ask for your help in seeing himself, he was hoping that you would have offered on your own by now. But since that was clearly not happening, Astarion had to bring matters into his own hands.

He watched as you fiddled away in your sketchbook, suddenly obsessed with replicating the tassels on his favorite pillow. According to you it was one of the few things you didn't know how to draw perfectly, despite it looking just fine to everyone else. Astarion supposed that the artist mind just worked in mysterious, semi-frustrating ways. Ways that he frankly did not understand.

"How would you feel about drawing me sometime?" Astarion asked suddenly, his brows going up to his hairline at how the simple question made you flinch, "No offense darling but I do believe I'm more interesting than a few tufts of string."

You weren't looking at him as you answered, still scribbling away with now-shaky hands, "I-um, I'm not sure if you'd want me to-"

"Why ever not? Frankly my dear I'm a little offended you haven't asked me to model. It would be nice to be aware of what my own face looked like."

That at least got your eyes up. You looked oddly guilty, fiddling with your pencil, "I-shit. I'm sorry. I should have thought about that."

"It's fine," Astarion said with a wave of his hand. He was used to being a last priority, he didn't take offense, "Besides, you can make it up to me now. What do you say?"

You swallowed, avoiding his eyes as you nodded, "Y-Yeah. I can do that. Um, sit up a little for me?"

Astarion listened, excitement starting to crawl up his spine. He was actually going to see his own face again, for the first time in centuries. All because of the person he love-cared for. Cared for deeply. Who still made him borderline beg for the privilege but oh well. Beggars couldn't be choosers. He had learned that lesson many times.

It took a long time before you were finished, nearly three hours. Not that he minded, if anything he appreciated how seriously you were taking it. And who knows. Maybe if his face managed to be interesting enough, you'd abandon your other muse in favor of him. He could only hope.

"Okay," You said eventually, setting your pencil to the side, "It's done. But... just don't laugh, okay?"

Astarion barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes, "Is my appearance that amusing?"

"No but-gods, here. Just look at it," You said, tossing the sketchbook to him, "Be gentle."

Astarion caught it, excited to hells and back as he looked down. Only to find the exact same elf he'd been seeing for weeks. Except this was more detailed than all of the ones from before. He could see... everything. The scars from that dreaded first night with Cazador, two barely there moles on the right side of his face, the exact flow of his hair. He was beautiful, a fact he was aware of, but it was still nice to see. He just... hadn't realized how many times he had seen it.

Astarion swallowed, looking up at you with wide eyes, "You've been drawing me? This whole time? I've been your 'mystery man' from Baldur's gate?"

You shrugged, picking on a string on your pants instead of looking at him, "You make a good subject. And we spend a lot of time together. And... I should have told you when you first saw it. But I just...." You trailed off with a sigh, finally gathering your courage enough to look him in the eye, "I didn't want to freak you out. I know it's a bit... creepy. I guess I didn't want you to know just... how obsessed I was. Or am."

It made sense. In all honesty, the Astarion from mere months ago probably would have found a way to find offense. But now it just felt... sweet. It made him feel warm, and incredibly idiotic. Here he had been, fretting over his non-existent competition. While this whole time he was the one constantly invading your mind. It was a strangely validating feeling. Almost like maybe... you would still want him when all of this was said and done.

He hadn't started this relationship with that in mind. In a perfect world, he'd use you to kill Cazador, cure himself of the tadpoles, gain his own freedom, then be on his merry way, you're feelings on the matter be damned. And he was actualizing that plan perfectly, if this new news was anything to go by.

So why was it suddenly making him feel ill? You had been nothing but kind to him. Accepting, trusting, all to someone who deserved less than dirt. And what would this all end in. Him abandoning you after everything you'd done?

Or maybe... it was about leaving before you had the chance to do the same.

"Do... do you not like it?" You asked, obviously nervous at his stunned silence. But it at least snapped him out of his own thoughts.

Astarion rushed to shake his head, going as far as to move to sit next to you. He took one of your hands in his, feeling uncomfortably sincere as he spoke, "I love it. Thank you for doing this for me. Thank you for all of them. I am more than happy to be your muse darling. There's nothing I'd like more."

"Really?" You asked, looking so hopeful it made his heart clench in his chest.

"Really," Astarion said, moving to cup your cheek, "But I will be expecting payment for my services. I hope you realize you'll be sleeping here tonight."

"No complaints here," You murmured, right before his lips touched yours. You were smiling into the kiss, sweet enough to make Astarion want to scream.

Just what had he gotten himself into with you?

#astarion #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #baldur's gate 3 #asks #silly little things #i love astarion pre before he realizes fully he's in love #silly little vampire man

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