#probably wont continue this but i thought it was kinda fun

[thomase1]

Two broken make a whole; chater 6

Series masterlist Main masterlist

Yup, back again.

Please be aware, this is the first smut i have ever written (yes its been in my drafts that long) and one can only do so much to save a catastrophe. :,) The foreplay is way too detailed for my taste, but somehow i just couldnt cut it. Lots of kissing omg, this rlly is kinda mid, sorry.

Warnings: Smut, masturbation, fingering, ¿loss of virginity?, probably some corruption, awkwardness, fluff, worried reader, tender Loki, big time jump

Wordcount:~4.300 of pure filth and brainless fluff (oops)

Or in other words: that escalated quickly

Its now been a little over 6 months the gods have been living here. While you enjoy Thor being here and notice Loki settle in as well, one thing becomes clearer with each passing day.

Loki is your kryptonite. You have never felt such a strong attraction to anybody. His constant flirting and teasing do not make it any easier.

Its like hes been pestering you on purpose after that unfortunate mission months ago. Everywhere you went, he just casually appeared or was already there. Hell, even the helipad wasnt safe.

And the cocky demeanour and ambiguous statements really have been takeing down your walls one brick at a time. Its quite embaressing how quickly one god can wreck the walls youve built up for as long as you can remember.

So now youre here, late at nigh, lying in bed after an eventful, tiring, day. But of course, you couldnt sleep.

You didn't mean to, but you thought of Loki. You've never had relations with somebody before, at least not that you remember of, which is problematic at your age and with your stress level.

Maybe thats why your body is reacting so ferociously to Loki. The thought of him is makeing you all tingly, you cant help but sigh in pent up sexual frustration.

You are engrossed in finding relief and relaxation, which doesn't always work for you. Actually never, yeah, you've never managed to climax before. Or maybe you just expected more of a feeling? You are not quite sure. But it defently isnt satisfying your need.

You concentrate on your movements, in your imagination you see Loki in front of you. You've seen him shirtless a few times, which worsened your interest even further. Damn why must he be a hot villain too.

Well, he is an ally now, yes, but he is still Loki Laufeyson.

You keep concentrating, attempting to avoid thining of him, trying to picture hot actors or just anybody but him.

Suddenly your dark room brightens with a green shimmer.

Loki appears and you quickly hide under your covers.

"I know you're awake Y/N," the intruder says. You don't answer and pretend to be asleep.

"I heard your rapid breathing as I passed your door. I know what I'm interrupting." he teases in a singsong voice.

Damn how embarrassing, your breath catches in your throat.

"Oh, don't be embarrassed. Unless you were thinking about me Y/N, of course that would be a rather peculiar situation, huh?" he purrs provocatively, his voice getting even closers.

He can read minds, you know that, but you didn't think he could do it without even seeing the person.

"Oh, so you're not even denying it. Interesting. There's quite a bit I can do that you don't know about, kitten.", he continues.

Goosebumps form all over you, leaving you to shiver under the covers. He's right next to your bed.

"So Y/N, are you in need of assistance?", you can hear the smirk in his voice.

You try to think of nothing which is near impossible when consciously trying. Especially in the middle of getting yourself off.

"I heard your thoughts before, about you finding it hard to get a high. I just want to help you."

"How long were you listenig you little shit?!", you snap, throwing the blanket off your face huffing.

"Long enough to know how desperate you are."

"Cant you just leave and forget about this, please?", you mumble ashamed.

"But where is the fun in that? Come on now, its a win for both of us. Promise I wont tell.", he sits down at the edge of your bed.

Should you just accept? As soon as that thought crosses your mind, you get nervous. Cheeks burning, hands sweaty and heart racing.

"Do you fancy me that much, getting nervous like this?", he asks grinning.

You dont know if you should punch him or fuck him right now. He is so infuriating.

"I dont fancy you! Its just my hormones going crazy ok? Dont flatter yourself!", you hiss. Why must he torture you like this?

"Yea sure it is.", he says sarcastically.

You dont respond.

"Oh come on Y/N, do you really think you can finally reach your high this time? Just take it as a favor."

He sounds so sincere all of a sudden, what the hell? Well, god of mischief and lies, aint he?

"A favor? Dont act like you dont just want an easy girl for a night, but i am anything but easy.", you scoff bitterly. If there is one thing your job taught you, its to be suspicious of everything and everyone.

He sighs, "No, I dont think of you as easy. I admit I havent engaged in sexual activities for quite some time either, but what of it? It would stay between us, we would both profit from it."

He really sounds thruthful and his tone is kind of... tender? And for a moment the though of just accepting the offer crosses your mind again. It sounds simple enough, but you just dont know if you can trust him.

"Listen, I am entirely truthful right now. What would I gain by bragging about having sex with you? I am no school boy seeking validation Y/N. I believe here on Midgard you say, 'A gentleman doesnt tell.'."

"Will you please stay out of my thoughts?!"

"I can do that.", he smirks.

It actually makes sense though, he isnt friends with the others, why would he tell them? "Ok Loki, just promise me again, this stays between the two of us.", you awkwardly reach out your hand to him, attempting to seal the deal by a handshake.

He, however, grabs your hand and places a gentle kiss on your knuckles, "I promise. I know the past has not been kind to you either, I wish no harm to you.".

This gesture throws you off completely, you are not used to such tender affection. Your worry about trusting him eases a bit, a smile crosses your lips.

But now when you think about it, what if only he gets a profit out of it? When you cant get it yourself, what makes him so sure he will? You already expect a response from the god, but it seems he is keeping his word.

"On another note, what makes you so sure you can even help me with my *you gulp* struggle?", you ask with shaky voice.

He gives a deep chuckle, "Because I've gained some experiece in over a thousand years of living. So, shall we start?".

"Uhh, yea I guess.", as those words leave your lips, he gently sinks his lips onto yours.

You are surprised for a second, but return the kiss after a few moments. Its been some time since you kissed or made out, but you get into it pretty quickly. He leans forwart to you, one hand on your cheek. The kiss is deep with passion, his tongue asking permission to explore. You grant him entrance and he begins his route of discovery.

You grab the back of his neck, pulling him down so he is closer to you. He nibbles at your bottom lip and you cant keep a gasp from escaping you. Your tongues start to dance with each other, fighting for dominance. As you break apart for air her stops for a moment.

You hear him takeing off his shoes and crawl into your bed, now hovering over you. You cant help but giggle, seeing his determined expression lit by only the little light to your right.

You expect a cocky comment but instead your lips meet again. The kiss now just as determined as Lokis expression. It sends a warm feeling through your stomach, down to your core.

You lay your hands on his shoulders, traveling down his firm muscular arms. His hands start to wander too, from your back, over your ribs down to your waist where they stay with a firm grip.

You suck at his bottom lip and he takes a surprised breath. You smile into the kiss which leads him to lay his hands on your bare bottom and give it a hard squeeze. You let out a small yelp of surprise. He gives you a low chuckle and trails his lips off yours, down your cheek to your ear.

His hand moving up to steady himself again, the other one stroking a strand of hair from the path of his lips, he kisses behind your ear and starts nibbling at your earlobe, feeling his warm breath. You are overwhelmed with these new sensations.

Your hands travel to his chest, down his sturdy stomach, sixpack apparent to the touch. Then you wander further to the hem of his shirt, under it and up his torso again. His skin is soft. As he is assaulting your neck, he stops, "Like what youre feeling?", voice full with pride.

"Not bad, I must admit.", you giggle to which he only smirks and takes off his shirt.

Instantly your eyes wander down his bare chest and stomach. Wow. Pure eyecandy. He goes back to kissing your ear, but now the other one. The way he lets you feel him up so extensively while only gently kissing you, it feels like he wants to show you he is no threat to you. Maybe you are just imagining that, but it does make you more comfortable with the god.

As he does just that, you feel around his sides to his broad back and shoulders. And for the first time, a man above you with strong muscles does not make you panic. No, its hot. It feels strangely safe. He starts to trail down your neck, pulling down your shirt collar to reach your collarbone. You let out a tiny moan, you didnt know you were so sensitive in that spot.

You can feel your middle getting, shamefully, damp.

Lokis hand reaches the bottom of your shirt, starting to pull it up a bit. You grab his hands, stopping his movement. "What is it?", he asks hoarsly.

You swallow, "I- I was just getting a bit nervous, sorry.", you say shy.

You have quite a lot of insecurities lurking under the fabric of your shirt, accompanied by many scars, ugly reminders of past battles. While you feel more comfortable with him not harming you, letting him see all of you is still terrifying.

"Dont apologize, I'm glad you told me about it but I am without my shirt too, its only fair!", he grins.

"But then I'm completely naked!", you protest. Honestly, you are just afraid he is going to say sometehing hurtful.

"I do apologize for breaking my word but I was curious. Come on dear, I am sure you look beautiful. You can trust me.", he says so sweet, you think honey may start to drip from his lips. You blush at the sweet remark.

"Ok, just dont tell me if I prove you wrong.", you say, removing your hands from his.

"Oh nonsense my dear, even I wouldnt stoop so low. Especially when it isnt true, you are stunning.", Loki says waiting for you to trust him it seems.

You smile softly at his words, cupping his face and kissing him, leaving him gasping for air. He deepens the kiss again as you feel him slowly pulling your shirt back up.

Bare before him, you can feel his eyes before you even see them and your heart begins to race. You feel so exposed and vulnerable under his gaze, starting to move your arm to cover yourself. "Gorgeous. Ravishing, as I told you darling.", he coos.

He starts feeling up your stomach, to your ribs, settling on your breasts. Your stomach explodes with butterflies as relief washes over you.

As you start feeling around his wall of torso again he starts kissing your collar bones and boobs. You play with his hair, you always wanted to, it just looks so nice and it is as soft as it looks, smelling like lilac and mint.

You start to fondle with his scalp and can feel his shoulders relaxing. He definitely likes that. He showers your whole body with kisses and is slowly moving south, his long hair tickling you down his path. You keep massaging his head as you grip his shoulder with your free hand.

To say it pretty clearly, you are horny as fuck right now.

He is trailing down your hip, slowly moving your covers away as he is kissing down your thigh, takeing his sweet time which is, quite frankly, driving you insane. In the best way possible. As he kisses more and more to the middle of your thighs, you cant help but grip his hair firmly and letting out a small moan.

You feel your sex getting hot and twitchy. His hands are moving towars your middle and you feel a finger sliding over your lips. "So wet for me kitten, you want me to make you feel good now?", he purrs from between your thighs.

You feel his breath fanning agains your skin giving you goosebumps all over. "Yes, oh god yes.", you plead, urgency obvious.

"Say please.", he taunts, finger still stracing up and down.

"Please Loki. Please.", you plead with even more urgency.

And then finally he does; tongue caressing your most sensitive spot, hands pushing your legs apart. Your grasping at his hair harder again as you cant hold back a moan. It feels incredible. You claw into the sheets but keep your other hand in his hair, frankly, you have no control over it right now.

You let out a breath of surprise as he sinks a finger into you and starts moving it, makeing you whine in pleasure. He reaches a spot which feels so good, its unlike anything you felt before. And you think he knows that you feel good, keeping his movement exactly on that sweet spot of yours. Its sending waves of pleasure up my stomach. You move your hips feeling so good, arching your back off the bed as he takes a second finger.

"You taste exquisite.", he purrs as he gets some air into him.

Just as you think of an answer to that, he starts again. He sucks at your bundle of nerves, pushing you to arch your back again. Your whole body feels hot with lust.

You just wish you could touch him too right now, this feels a bit selfish letting him pamper you like this while he gets next to nothing. Arent you surpossed to give him something in return? And then he stops all of a sudden which you comment with a sad face. "Stop overthinking dear, just enjoy it. I will take care of you first, I'll have my fun soon enough.", he assures you, obviously having listened to your thoughts again.

He shifts and kisses you gently. You can taste yourself which somehow turns you on even more. He starts moving his fingers, thumb now rubbing your clit. The kiss gets heated as you lay your arms around his neck, pulling him close. He moves his fingers faster and faster as you claw at his back out of pure arousal.

He sits up, moves his lips from yours and uses his second hand to stroke your clit now. You let out a moan, you think you are nearing a climax.

He moves faster and faster as you cant hold back little croaked mewls. He watches your face like his life depends on it, feeling Lokis clothed cock press into your thigh which turns you on even more.

You swear you are so near an orgasm, you no longer hold control over your body, hips pressing into your helpers hands looking for further friction. Your crys of arousal growing more and more, Loki starts cooing sweet encouragements at you.

"Thats it dear. Dont hold back."

"Come on kitten, come undone for me."

"Dont resist it. Let it all out darling."

Those sinful words spoken so sweetly tumble you over the edge. "Oh g-od, Loki, I think I'm gonna com-e", you say with a sharp cry.

"Thats it Darling, come for me. Give into it.", he supports.

Just like that you reach your high. You claw at the sheets, head jolting back as your body arches into his hand. "There it is. Beautiful.", you hear Loki from a distance.

You feel your whole body shiver. While still in the process of climaxing, Loki keeps moving his fingers inside of you. Your hips are moving on their own, rubbing against his hand. You feel your body quake as you hold onto him and he pulls you closer into a sloppy kiss.

Just as you relax and lean back, body done twitching, he pulls his fingers out of you. You lay down catching your breath and he lays down next to you. He snakes his arm under your back, pulling you into his chest. His hand hovers over you back, softly raking against it.

"Held my word, didnt I?", he whispers into your ear sending shivers down your spine again.

"You certenly did.", you mumble into his chest on which you are drawing circles with your fingertips.

He lays a hand on your cheek and lets it stay there. You close your eyes and enjoying a kind of relaxation and peace youve never felt before.

"Would you like us to go further today?", he asks while stroking your head.

"You know what, yes, I trust you.", you say turning to him with a smile.

He shifts so he can meet your lips. Its not a passionate kiss, it feels more... loving? No, that can't be it. You cant describe it but it makes your heart flutter for a moment.

"I just remembered, I dont have a condom and I dont have one in my room either.", he says, surpising you of beeing so responsible in his excitement.

Said excitement beeing very noticable, urgendly pressing into your side. The question of how he even knows about eartly forms of contraception is a question for another time, you think to yourself.

"Oh, its alright, I'm on the pill.", you say, which surprises him apparently.

"Why are you on the pill when you dont have a partner?", he asks suspicious.

"Ive gotten it because of my acne and symptoms of my period.", you explain kind of hurt he is so suspicious of you.

"Very well then.", he says and gets up.

You sit up too, blanket clutched over your chest. "You think its gonna hurt?", you ask the question every girl has.

"What do you mean? I wont hurt you dear.", he says dubfounded.

"Oh, so you didnt hear that part. Well-", you stop, so embarassed you wish to vanish from earth.

"Are you trying to tell me you actually never slept with someone?", he asks soft but also curious.

"It just never- got to that. At least not to my knowledge, if you remeber the mystery about my name.", you mumble bashful.

"Right, sorry darling, that is fine.", he says softly, "I dont think it will hurt, at least not badly since you already had the pleasure.".

You smile dumbly, your mind racing back to other, filthier, thoughts. Hot breath makeing your mind foggy as tongues collide once again. He pulls you closer, so close you feel his cock nudge up at your stomach. You wander down to his waistband, wanting to feel him.

He smirks and snaps his fingers, suddenly naked in front of your very eyes. Well, you cant exactly see but defently feel his excitement. Your hands basically wander on their own, touching his hips and sliding to his sex, leaving him gasping as you stroke him once.

He lays his head on your shoulder and lets his fingers meet you most sensitive spot again, giving him a appreciative moan. You keep your fingers around his throbbing cock, pleasing him as you like. He lets out a tiny moan which makes you quite proud of yourself.

You sink your head back into your shoulders, enjoying his skilled touch. You quicken your movement, makeing him stop for a second to catch himself, it appears like. That may be because you are not stopping with the teasing. You enjoy seeing him off his high horse. His tense face is a nice sight as well. "Y/N- should we takes this further now?", he groans.

"What do you think we are working towards?", you taunt with a giggle.

He looks into your eyes a little more seriously, "I am asking your consent, kitten-".

You only mouth an "oh". You stop your motions, makeing him relax against you slightly.

"Am I right to take that as a yes?"

You nod, biting your lip.

"Oh my sweet, you dont even know how crazy you drive me. I will make you write in extacy.", he whispers against your shoulder, pressing himself against you. You barely hold back an audible gasp, instead sinking your hands down his back, "And you dont even know what kinds of sensations you bring me.".

"Oh I think I do." He slides down your sloulder, feeling him spreading sloppy kisses all over your cleavage, you grip his hair thightly as he moves his hips to meet yours. You feel him throbbing against your wetness.

"Ready darling?", he asks attentively, lightly pressing against you.

"I think so.", you say anxiously.

He leans forwart and gives you a chaste kiss, swallowing your lips as he sinks into you slowly. The kiss breaks from the vulgar sounds now echoing off the walls. You grimace a bit because it does feel a bit weird, but after a few seconds you get used to the feeling. He stays still for you to adjust, his jaw flexing in concentration.

That jaw... Oh lord that jaw.

"It doesnt hurt. I dont know if thats good or bad.", you whisper against his lips.

The question you had for years starts to resurface. Scenes that picture your own personal horror movie start to plague your imagination.

"Dont overthink it too much sweetheart, just enjoy the moment.", he soothes.

You exhale, calming your mind down from the scary szenarios almost takeing over. You are here, you are safe, nothing you dont want will happen.

"Are you alright?", he watches you and cups your cheek. He looks concerned. You lean into his touch, finding comfort in his caring demeanour.

"I think I am.", you whisper, looking at him, his eyes.

"Is it ok if we continue then? Excuse my blunt choice of words but it is rather difficult to withhold me fucking you into this matress right now.", he says calm, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Insatiable bastard. You shut him up with a kiss, figuring that counts as an answer. He smirks and starts lightly thrusting his hips. You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him closer.

Gradually, his speed increases and now, every time he reaches that one spot deep within you, you get pushed up the mattrass a bit more. By now you are pressed against the headboard. "Where do you think your going?", he asks, gripping your hips and yanking you down to him again with one firm pull, "I'm not done with you yet.".

You whine as he pounds into you ruthlessly, bis tip barely off that spot before he crashes into it again. Your toes curl and your fingers grip a fist full of his hair as he cups the back of your head, pressing you into his chest.

The room is filled with the sounds of sex.

You feel yourself nearing a climax, heatwaves coursing through your body. "I- think I'm... cl- close-", you croak hoarsly.

"Me too darling.", he growls.

You pull him down by grabbing his neck, wanting more of him. You press yourself into him as much as you can, earning a low groan as reward.

"Come for me Y/N! Say my name as you come for me!", he commands, thumb harshky stroking your clit.

You scratch at his back...nearing... nearing... "I'm gonna co-", you whimper.

Your back arches and your body errupts into a shudder as every muscle of your body goes rigid. Only croaked crys of pleasure are able to leave your throat.

"S-ay my name Y/N, gods let me h-ear yo-u-", he groans, about to climax too.

"Lok-i, oh g-od, fuck.", you let out with a cry as him still trusting into you prolongues your high. With a low, beast like, growl he thrust into you hard one last time, feeling him spill into you.

He pulls out and falls next to you. The thick smell of sweat in the air is somehow really comforting to you. You nestle against his chest and he sneaks an arm around you. You come down from what you just did together, his quickened heartbeat just under your ear.

About to fall asleep on him, he suddenly moves and sits up. "What are you doing?", you ask, kind of sad the cuddles ended so soon.

"I saw you were falling asleep so I figured I'd leave now and let you rest.", he explains softly.

You hate to admit it, but something inside you doesnt want to be alone right now.

"Could you maybe stay? If not an inconvenience of course.", you ask shy.

"Of course dear.", he says with an understanding nod, smiling warmly. Loki slips back into bed, taking you into his arms once more. You pull the covers over you two and soon drift off to sleep.

Tbmaw: @fictive-sl0th @vbecker10 @fictional-hooman @mischief2sarawr @maple-seed @mochie85 @holdmytesseract @theaudacitytowrite @gigglingtiggerv2 @marygoddessofmischief @goblingirlsarah @oceandeepthirst @lokisgoodgirl @fallenlostarchives @kalinaselennespeaks @sid-prescottx @assemblingavenger @loki-n-hvitserk @crzyplantladyvibes @yoongissidebitchh @cakesandtom

Everything: @slytherclaw1227 @their-love

@vickie5446 @buttercupcookies-blog @peaches1958

If you would like to be added or removed from tags, just let me know. :)

#loki laufeyson #loki x y/n #loki x you #loki god of mischief #avenger reader #avenger loki #tbmaw #loki smut

[bloodymiso]

jump shot!!!

hobie brown x gn!basketball player!reader hcs mentions of injury, some swear words, sfw

i had a competition yesterday and thoughts ensued. ig reader just plays basketball for fun as a college sport, not professionally or anything. reader started playing in hs and continued through college:) pavitr ver coming soon!

hes so supportive like babygirl goes to ALL of your games

he tried to understand the rules of basketball so he wouldnt be shouting “FOUL!” all the time like a dumbass

h. “youre telling me you cant move while givin’ a screen?” r. “yeah so you arent the first to make contact with the opponent, if you do its a foul.” h. “that’s stupid”

ofc games are kinda rare cause who tf wants to hold college sports competitions

when he met your team, they lowkey BEGGED him to join(as if he could) because of his body proportions

long arms, long legs, bro was perfect

ygs like making bottlecap pins together so he made you one w a silly lil basketball

now its your goodluck charm:3

assuming youre pretty much his height and size, sometimes he’d wear your jerseys

if youre bigger than him, he doesnt really care he’ll wear them anyway

if youre smaller than him(and it wont fit) its okay he’ll hug it to sleep when you arent there

whenever you win a game he literally carries you and twirls you around like a prince/princess/whatever you prefer

he’d probably join you in after parties

wrapping his arms around your waist as he rested his chin on your shoulder/head while you talked with your team mates

one time he couldnt see one of your games because ew spiderman duties and he ended up getting injured after

he didnt want to interrupt you so he just climbed through your window and waited in your apartment

when you got home you tended to his injuries and scolded his dumb ass

r. “ugdhAGSH youre so stupid why didnt you call me or go to the hospital” h. “hospitals are concepts produced by the government to earn money through overpriced treatments.” r. “why am i dating you.”

whenever youre the one who gets injured, he tends to you himself

idk my angsty ass is thinking he probably had some sort of hospital trauma as a kid or just in general

whenever basketball and studies start to pile up he’ll bring you to some sort of secret spotty spot and just cuddle w you

whenever you need to rant about a teammate(or just anything tbh) he’ll listen to you

like literally he’ll memorize every bit of gossip you spat out whenever ranting

r. “yeah so anyway, ___ was such an ass today” h. “aye, isnt that the one who ate your biscuits?”

gwen and miles thinks youre cool asf like damn

you and pavitr are literal besties

he’ll bring you some vegetable samosas from his earth

eventually you stocked up on them to eat after practice

okay bye:3 want to support? reblog pookies!! i swear ill work on the matchups soon..

#across the spiderverse #atsv #hobie brown #hobie spiderverse #atsv hobie #atsv x reader #hobie brown x reader #hobie x reader #hobie x gn!reader #hobie brown x gn!reader #hobie brown x gender neutral reader #hobie brown x basketball player!reader #basketball player!reader #( ˘▽˘)っaki writes

[nicxxx5]

why mike wheeler is autistic

these are some of my thoughts on why i think mike wheeler is autistic. 

he has narrow special interests (dnd, science, writing)

he only has a couple of friends, also with the same interests as him (it is common that autistic people have a difficult time making friends)

he hates change (he didn’t like the addition of max into the group without being made aware of it first, instead of using highschool as an opportunity to be someone else like lucas did he went back to doing things that brought him comfort like dnd, he’s always the first to notice when something is off with will (him missing/being possessed))

he is very logical (dustin and lucas ask why they can’t just let his mom deal with el when they find her in s1 and mike reasons that they’ll get caught for sneaking out so they have to handle it themselves, he rationalizes most of the plans in the party (in s3 when lucas says they win if they get the mindflayer out of billy mike reminds him that they wont because it didn’t work with will, jonathan thinks he’s ridiculous for wanting to go to suzie for help in s4 but mike reasons that she is the smartest person they know)) he also doesn’t budge much on his thoughts when it comes to this

he has a difficult time with his emotions (he mixed up romantic and platonic feelings with el, he also didn’t know how to properly confront her about this when he realized), he becomes overly emotional often (when he realized hopper knew el was alive the whole time and he got angry and broke down)

he is a people pleaser (he cares a lot for his friends, especially will and el, which is why in s4 he kept pretending he was in love with el because it’s what he thought she wanted, and why he hid how will leaving affected him because he didn’t want to make their friendship awkward with his newly realized feelings)

he’s not bound to societies standards (to a degree) (why he continues to play dnd even though he gets made fun of and why the upside down wasn’t a difficult concept for him to grasp because to him it made sense easily) 

he misses sarcasm (s4 at suzie’s house)

he misses double meanings to things (his conversations with lucas in s3 about el, he took most of what he said literally)

he is very blunt (often he is quick to tell things how it is even if someone gets upset with him)

i did this pretty late at night and kinda on a whim so it’s probably not my best. let me know what you think or any ideas you have and i might add them to it!

#mike wheeler #autistic mike wheeler #mike wheeler is autistic #mike wheeler analysis #stranger things #autistic headcanon #autistic #actually autistic #mike wheeler defender #mike wheeler is repressed #mike wheeler is a boy kisser #mike wheeler deserves better #again just some thoughts #i tried to give some examples but its been a minute since ive seen some episodes #honestly i would prefer to do an analysis while taking notes and watching the show at the same time #but i dont have time for that

[prince-of-red-lions]

so hi guys! ive been gone a while. which will. unfortunately continue to happen.

as you all know i've had some cOmPliCaTiOnS recently 😭😭😭 im so sorry! things Have Happened and i won't be on anymore. NOT FOREVER! but a long time. your all so wonderful and i am TEARING UP RIGHT NOW ASHGTUJAG SORRRYASHGU. but i love you all so much i can't even describe it properly. you've all done so much for me and made me feel so loved and appreciated and im literally crying rn so sorry if this post is a mess. sorry if i got your hopes up that i was gonna be back with the last few posts, just wanted to go out with a bang yknow? but please know that i love you all so much and i've been thinking about you guys nonstop ever since i met you. please never change and never forget yourselves or your purpose. im so proud of ALL OF YOU and im so sorry to be leaving. i really am. this has been a great place to be its been REAL. its been FUN. and its been SO ENJOYABLE. i love you all so so so so so so so much. i can't put it into words. its been so nice to have place to dump my art or thoughts and your all there with nice words and funny jokes. im so grateful for you all. i know im rambling and i know this a dumpster fire but oh well. ITS ALL TRUE. IT IS. 💖💖💖💖💖💖 please know i am ALWAYS out there and ALWAYS SUPPORTING YOU GUYS and i hope you guys don't forget me. HASNGJDJSHGEUAOYTE SOBBING 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

this isn't goodbye forever! i will be back one day. i promise you guys that much. this account will continue to stay up, IM NOT DELETEING IT- DW- but i will not be active. i probably won't even be able look at it. i will be back one day i swear it i SWEAR IT. i hope you guys have a lot of patience 😭

i love you all so much and never change. your all so talented and beautiful and awesome and amazing and wonderful and SO COOL AND SWAG AND SLAY. >:D I SEE ALL OF YOUR MESSAGES AND ASKS BTW! SORRY I CAN'T RESPOND TO THEM. :( im sorry i wont be here for ya'll anymore. if you guys ever get off your own tumblr accounts or smth like that, maybe you could leave a message behind so i'd know? 💀 that would be great because i want to make sure you didn't die or smth LMAOOOO. but thanks for everything guys! sorry to be such a downer on christmas. yeah sorry kinda bad timing huh? but

MERRY CHRISTMAS!! AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TOO! I HOPE 2024 ISN'T TOO BAD FOR YA'LLS :)

#thank you for everything! #i hope ya'll will wait for me #because i WILL BE BACK #I SWEAR #rambles from the ocean #pretty epik goodbye message huh? #yeah i hope so cuz i cried 💀💀 #like #a lot. #HRRRRRGGHSJAHGTEKUAJHGSJGH #i repeated myself a lot in this #but its ALL TRUE #THANK YOU #I HOPE YOU GUYS ARE STILL AROUND WHEN I GET BACK #oh no im crying again #ERTHYAUJEHJ #I CANT PUT THIS ALL INTO WORDS #AAAA

[cherryo]

can i req suggestive hcs of the rise turtles(separate) of how they would react to fem!reader on top of them during fun time suddenly put a hand on their throat and lightly choke them and then suddenly stopping when she realizes she got too lost in the moment?

so with this i kinda did this where the boys are like surprised in a good way and not like scared? if that makes any sense ! i appreciate you requesting and I loved writing this <33

Pairings: Rise!boys x fem!reader (seperate) hc genre: smut? smut HCs wordcount: Pronouns:she/her w/ fem genitalia Warnings: explicit content, swearing, choking, BOYS ARE AGED APPROPRIATELY <333

Raph:

So you cant exactly “choke” him because well,,, your hands probably wont even reach around his neck 

You end up just putting pressure on his neck? 

He stops, like fully stops his part and youre confused

You realize as he just kind of reaches up and pulls your hands off his neck

You apologize and all he does is smile and says its okay

Tbh i dont think he’d be into it but he wouldnt mind if you were

Was just shocked tbh but was like kind of turned on by your straight forward-ness

You both had an in-depth convo after about what you both like and if the other is okay with it and what not, tried to make it a lesson almost?

He’s so silly, he’d probs admire the fact you thought you could actually choke him and thought it was hot that you got that into it hehe

Leo

You could wrap your hands around his neck

Also stopped but as soon as he made eyecontact he laughed, like belly laughed

He thought it was cute and hot 

I feel he’d be into this tbh

Didnt let you apologize because “it was so hot babe! Why would i let you apologize for that?”

I dont think he would want to choke you unless you specifically asked beforehand

Defintietly wants to be choked though teehee

I doubt you’d have an in-depth conversation but he’d ask what else you were into and what you were hiding up your sleeve

Donnie

Literally the most shocked out of all the boys 

I don’t think he’d stop but would def sit up in shock

Would look at you then like hold your hands together in confusion

Didnt know you were into that but was seriously turned on by it

I  think Donnie would be into it both ways? So being choked and choking you?

He’d def do it if you had a hot reaction to it!!

Idk why but i think donnie would be the experimental one out of them all

Y’all talk about other things to try later on

Mikey

Holy shit

Just goes wide-eyed

He isn't stopping so he's not going to let you stop

Def an ‘in the moment' type of guy?

Like he wasn't sure what to do but to continue?

He wasn't nervous or scared, just turned on 

You stopped when you realized, apologized, and felt bad but he laughed it off and said it was fine and sorta hot

Yall have an in-depth conversation because yknow, dr. feelings has to make an appearance lol

And the fact he wants to know what else you like

#chasewrites #rottmnt #rottmnt x reader smut #rottmnt raph #rottmnt donnie #tmnt 2018 #rottmnt leo #rottmnt mikey

[basil-appreciation-comic]

IMPORTANT UPDATE!!

the comic is cancelled. you probably already assumed that since i havent posted anything about it in a while but yeah the things dead now lol. mainly because i dont care much about omori anymore, the comic sucked, and it was too much effort. i feel kinda bad about leaving you guys in the dark for this long tho, so i thought id go ahead and include all the scrapped stuff for the comic that never got finished

while i was writing the comic i started a google doc that laid out ideas i had for future pages. heres that if you wanna know how the story ends

it was written over several months and (most) things are in order of where they go on the timeline not when i wrote them so it might be a little hard to follow

also some art i never posted

(at least i dont think ive posted the last one)

i quoted not liking this comic as one of the reasons i stopped so let me explain that with a list of things id change about this if i were to remake it (which i wont)

remove the swearing that was so stupid

make omori mute (and probably use sign language)

omori does not express fear or stress in-game, thats sunnys job. quit it

he also does not cry and generally shows emotions (even the big ones) in more subtle ways (which i think i was trying to shift towards later in the doc) idk why he was so emotional all the time

literally everything about how i portrayed omori actually that was all just awful

the panic attack scene is fucking embarrassing i have no clue what i was thinking. im so sorry for writing it like that i did 0 research beforehand

make it shorter why did i think that would work out

id probably just make it a fic, comics take way too much outta me compared to just writing things

it does not need a big epic ending and probably shouldve ended not long after they escaped black space

the romance is horrible but thats the foundation of the comic so idek what id do about that

stop making everyone talk like therapists 24/7

and yeah it has a lot of problems but i still do care about this due to the ammount of effort and love ive put into it, i just cant and dont want to continue it

so yeah thats where this story ends ig. i had a lot of fun along the way, and thank you so much for all the support. bigger thanks to that one sunflower discord server (if you came from there you know which one) for being my main motivation and support throughout this journey. sucks this comic never got to see its full potential but im relieved to finally lay it to rest. the blog will stay up for archival purposes but i will not continue the comic any further obviously. the ask box will remain open if you wanna say anything or if you have a question about the story or whatever. thanks for reading.

#basil appreciation comic #survivor basil #omori au

[assmuncher27]

mainly directed to thesquirrelqueer so my bad that i start using “you” and “your” 💀💀💀💀but this is also clarifying stuff about the two river bootleg causs its getting fustrating

not trying to b a dick on purpose but oh my god this fandom is making me kinda insane. also really really respectfully (i mean this in the nicest way possible im not trying to start something) can thesquirrelqueer maybe think before making posts

they’ve blocked me on everything, so they probably wont see this, but i lowkey kinda dont care, i jus need to rant

anyway yea, i’ve noticed thesquirrelqueer had made a bunch of posts about me, in which they “debunk” my two river posts. when did i ever confidently claim these screenshots/videos were from a bootleg?? i do NOT have a two river bootleg, i made an entire post explaining i dont have a bootleg. i have tried to make it VERY clear i do not have one

((screenshot from one of my posts)) HEEAVY on the “if” and “did”

how did you even get the idea that i have a bootleg????? the pictures are not from any bootleg, you dont need to debunk anything bro jus ask me n i’ll tell you the source IF i know it💀 i get making a post linking the sources, that’s totally okay n useful!!!! but calling it a debunking post is insane causs what are you debunking bro

i didn’t know the source of the screenshots, at first, but instead of making an entire post basically calling me a liar to your rabid fans, why couldnt you have jus reached out to me in private🙁 or sent me an ask telling me where they’re from ?? or maybe, you could’ve posted that without indicating i was lying about something i never even said was true

you BLOCKED me on tiktok n on tumblr ((for no reason????? i dont even interact with you)) but continued to make posts about my account . i had people in my asks genuinely harassing me saying i’m a “lying fuck” + even telling me to “kys” etc which is WILD

I WAS NEVER TRYING TO PROVE I HAD A BOOTLEG BROOO😞😞😞😞 WHY WOULD YOU TELL PEOPLE THAT

i’m not even trying to find a bootleg anymore, i’ve discovered that one DOES exist but its not accessible .im not posting screenshots to find a bootleg, i’m jus posting them for fun . it says that in my bio thing, i deadass changed it the second i stopped searching for a bootleg which was months ago

you keep saying the images i post are “off” what does that even mean sorry but why are you speculating

i never said this, i never said the screenshots/ videos were proof of anything .i THOUGHT they were, at first, but i never CLAIMED anything

i would really appreciate it, if you didn’t make me look bad for trying to help find a bootleg of a musical. also if youre gonna block me dont ????? make posts about me ??????? especially posts that paint me in a bad light, thats so shitty?????? you’ve blocked me so i cant even defend myself under the posts. thats why im making an entire post rn

im sorry to everyone if this comes off as aggressive or unnecessary but i genuinely had people mad at me solely causs of the way thesquirrelqueer had worded their post . im pretty sure they have a lot of followers on tumblr (tiktok too) i feel like this should’ve been handled better, especially considering thesquirrelqueer is over 20 years old or something .please try to understand my frustration

its so irritating to put time into digging up all these two river pictures and videos, solely for the reason of showing the fandom, only to get accused of “something being off about this image” or “he’s lied that he’s actually found the bootleg” or “its ai generated” LIKE GUYS IM TRYING TO HELP???????? so annoying why did death threats get involved n shi

do what the musical is called PLEASE i beg you all

((also thesquirrelqueer do you actually have something against me causs i swear you made a passive aggressive video about my will roland one on tiktok, immediately after blocking me there))

#be more chill #bmc #bmc musical #be more chill musical

[imstillhere-butallislost]

7 months on low dose androgel timeline

I already posted a 5 month timeline going over my changes then, how I put on the gel, and just general tips for testosterone gel, a lot of which is going to be missing from this post. I’ll link that post in the reblogs (I’ve has issues of posts with links not showing up in tags when posted)

On December 8th my dose was upped to 2 pumps of androgel daily (each pump having 12.5mg of testosterone), which is really when everything took off.

The first month when I was on 1 pump of gel, the change that happened first was a mental change. I just felt so much better, I never thought that a lot of my mental health issues were made worse by dysphoria, but they totally were. I felt then, and have continued to feel, a lot more emotionally stable and just like *normal*, and right, It’s been really great. That first month I also had a bit of hair growth, mainly hair on my stomach.

2nd month I had a lot of peach fuzz on my face, really thin but definitely more then i had pre-t, not enough for anyone else to notice anything. Bottom growth happened and continues to happen.

The rest of the months kind of blend together to be honest, but I said in my 5 month post that my hair growth continued to happen everywhere, I have thigh hair which was never a thing i had before. And it’s definitely noticeable and thick hair too, and it has been for months. Gaining muscle has been so easy, I do like 5 pushups a day and have so much more definition then i did pre-t. I have a lot of acne on my back, which kinda sucks. My hair gets greasy quicker, which is a bit of a sensory issue for me, but its not too bad.

In my 5 month post i said my voice hadn't changed, but I was wrong. Someone who hadn't seen me in a couple of months said i sounded different around the 5 month mark hen they heard me again. It was just a very slow subtle change so the people around me didn't notice it.

Now that my dose has been upped to 2 pumps, gone are the days of slow and subtle voice changes.

In the past month my voice has reallllly gotten lower, not in the masculine range yet, but I’m starting from a really high voice so the change is pretty big in the last month but not passing as male yet. I went from a low of 176hz-213hz, to now a low around the range of 126hz-150hz. What’s really fun about that is that i can feel my voice actively changing, I can feel the vibration in my chest. It’s really cool to experience. And I’m in the middle of a voice drop right now.

I still don't pass as male, probably wont for a while, im 5′1 and have long hair simply because i like it. and that's fine with me really. i see the changes and i feel the changes and that's really what matters to me. I am happy. Life is good.

Here’s to my 7 months on testosterone, may the rest be just as joyous as these have been,

#testosterone timeline #androgel #low dose testosterone #low dose t #testosterone gel #ftm #transmasc

[digirainebow]

The only problem with timezones is I want to talk to the cool people but I get so tired and start talking absolute nonsense (like I'm doing rn) but anyways who's your favourite oxenfree character?

i am a connoisseur of talking nonsense so dont you worry. and oooo this is the most enigmatic question of all time for me. it shifts from moment to moment. i have tried many times to declare a favorite and it never really feels right because i love and think about them all about the same. i usually say clarissa is my favorite because she is the one i connected with first. i loved her from the moment i met her on my very first playthrough, and she has continued to be something i return to in low moments because she is symbolic of something very valuable to me when it comes to dealing with anger. but as i said in The Oxenfree Playthrough Video™, jonas is realistically more my favorite because gets the most reaction out of me. he's a blorbo, a scrunkly, whatever. evokes a lot of those feral stick figure memes with the blood. he is just suuuuch a little guy to me and so funny and so sweet and just like me for real. also more of the dealing with anger thing. that's a big plus for me always but in this moment? right now? i kinda wanna say? its ren? i do say quite often that i actually think about him maybe more than any of the other characters, i just usually dont vocalize it because i am often worried im embellishing and taking liberties with his intended character. and the thoughts can get very complicated for personal reasons that i wont get into and because it took a long time to get to this place with him as a character compared to the others. he was my least favorite by far when i first played. but i just cannot help myself but infer from his dialogue now that ive played like 80 times and picked all the options that there is just so much more to him than could ever have fit into the game. ren is cup fucking overflowing like there is so much of his emotional issues bursting out of the seams through the whole game and i am just so endeared to him and his thoughts and motivations. he is also just a little guy to me who is funny of course, but he isnt a little guy in the comfy, brotherly, jonas way. he is a poor little wet cat of a man to me with the most adhd a person can have. i want to know about his past and his future almost more than anyone else because, and it is wild, for how much ren talks and overshares, we really don't know a lot about his life before the island. we know like, ALL of the details, but none of the core. he "needs to be needed" and has a therapist and needed a baby sitter until he was 14 and we will just...never know the core of why! how much did michael's death hurt him? we know how it affected alex, and clarissa, and even jonas by proxy! but even if he wasn't friends with michael, he still grew up with him. and knowing how close he was to alex...y'know? and we just never really...find out a lot there. and somehow that absence of knowledge speaks more to me about his character than any direct info ever would? he cannot help but be kind of a damaged little dude who spews his needs and fears at the drop of a hat, but i don't think he likes being that way. he wants and likes to be jokey and deflective and just have a good fucking time. and i both feel bad for him because of that and understand completely? even if he himself has not gone through something traumatic, everyone around him has. so why wouldn't he just want to make a space where they can all just have fun? sorry he just makes me insane. anyway. yeah, ren right now. i think. clarissa or jonas usually. probably alex tomorrow. i will shut up now because i should, not because i don't have more to say. i will always have more to say about these characters. man

#im publishing this one sorry if its out of context followers but #hey here are the fav character thoughts i could not vocalize for the life of me in that damn video sdfsdfdfgjhhjfd #digi discusses #ive been feeling very paragraphs lately huh! :) #oxenfree spoilers #a few weeks ago was a BIG nona week. when i posted her whole firestarter monologue? yeah

[eggtwobroes]

frenrye

i dont evem know who these guys ARE!

jokes aside though i luv frenrey. frenrey means alot to me which sounds kind of funny to say. its an inside joke to several friend groups (3 friendgroups i can think of off the top of my head). its a comfort. it makes me unironically nauseous if i think about it in bad contexts. i couldnt look at it for a little bit due to bad associations. it also helped me figure out alot about myself (mostlu helped me figure out that im. fictoromantic </3)

alot of text under the cut sorry. WATCH OUT! (ship ask game)

as for what it means to me personally, at first i was annoying with hlvrai. i had the worst possible characterizations yiu could possibly conjure up because i wanted to frankenstein every fucking ao3 trait for benrey and gordon together because i thought that was the way to characterize them. i was also 13 so whatever. i also projected onto benrey HARD which made him more annoying and me more annoying also. at some point i projected too hard and got nauseous with the ship cuz i convinced myself that i was projecting trauma about my ex friends onto them.??? which was weird but i ended up reaching some closure regarding those ex friends a little while ago and also at the time i realised "hm. no this is stupid" and moved on. then i got on tumblr and became a bigger frenrey fan (really funny to say) and it started meaning more to me... my characterizations got better ovr time (same with my art) and everything was goung well. i had friends who liked frnerey and also i liked frenrey myself. peace and love on planet autism. and then the thing in june happened when my now ex friend told me something about literally everyone in The Frenrey Discord server which caused alot of stuff that i wont explain cuz i think you guys know it by now. that was embarrassing. i also couldnt look at frenrey because i associated it with that and it made me sick to my stomach to think about. at some point i got normaler and less mentally ill and stuff. frenrey also became a relaly big inside joke in my friend groups and stuff <3 i dont really make as much frenrey art as i used to now since im more of a darnrey enthusiast at this point but thats cuz i did figure out im fictoro bcuz of it (shoutout to my wife. girdon)

other than what it personally means 2 me its also a really funny dynamic. guy shows up and starts pestering you the WHOLE FUCKING DURATION of the worst days of ur life. claims he used to know you when you were kids (you fucking didnt). and ur brains response to this is "lets kiss with tongue" its so funny. in canon context its like. this guy plays a game and meets the most fucking insufferable npc of his life and falls in love with him when hes literally not even tangible. how do you store that much emotion towards a character from a game you could just turn off dude. theyre both pathetic i think. their dynamic is kinda hard to describe. i think its funny when benreys head over heels for this guy that hates his guts. i think its funny if they both hate eachothers guts and are simultaneously thinking "i hope this guy fucking goes to hell. i bet he wants to kiss me. good thing i dont want that". i think its funny if benrey doesnt care about gordon at all and just harasses him cuz he thinks its funny and gordons like "god this guy sucks. would it be weird if i kissed him. id hate that probably". idk its a very fun ship to play around with its very flexible.. they fit as queerplatonic, romantic, AND platonic. they work out in game and nongame scenarios. they work in aus because theyre opposites. its so fun. im like dr frankenstein and frenrey is my frankensteins monster that i test on just to see what happens and what works best. idk how else to end this paragraph and continue to the next one sorry

mre related to the first bit about how theyre an inside joke. heres a collection of frenrey related images that are inside jokes or about inside jokes

theres also a lot more videos i have but i cant put themall here. sadly. heres one at least

#im not maintagging any of this for several reasons #asks #NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT #TALKING ABOUT FRENREY TO MARCIE MADE US CLOSER. WERE QPPS NOW #TAHTS SO FUCKING FUNNY TO ME

[luvring]

QKHDEKRBWBDJDH Im too shy to go off anon but just know that im ur secret admirer ahshdjshdjejd also sending u anon love is fun hehe 💓💓😚😚

im glad to hear that ur eyes r getting better! Hope ull be able to get the rest u need and deserve after ur sem is over <333 im doing great myself !!seeing ur reply to my ask just made my week 💗💗💗💗💗 i hope u too r eating well and staying hydrated and most importantly get enough sleep 😭😭😭😭 i hope ur day continues to be filled with happy things love u !!!💕💕💕💕💕

U dont know what kind of beast uve unleashed when u said u wanted to know more abt my ocs ong...Osjxiejdieje pls dont mind my rambling im so shameless byeee 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️ also these infos might be weird its just based off my own understanding of stuff and not accurate to common knowledge so ⚰⚰

The alchemist- she's a bit on the gloomy side and honestly just tired of life 😭😭 i went with this origin first so her personality is like pretty much based off the game mc we play as, just a tad bit more passive 🚶‍♀️will melt down and turn into mush at the slightest bit of affection so i paired her with leander, and since shes gone through a lot i thought, she deserves some treat <3 and throw in mhin into the equation too hehe another random fact abt her is that she loves plain water... a LOT. Since shes a mage apprentice, i imagine that she probably learn a lot of magic stuff after meeting leander, mostly to get stronger and for self defense

The hound- she got massive trust issues (being betrayed by her friend in the thief syndicate and all) so shes extremely wary of the LIs, like if u think the in game mc is wary of the ppl in eridia, she's like 10x worse. Honestly lowkey like mhin 2.0 except a lil bit snappier 😭 i pair her with kuras and their relationship is kinda like him trying to get a stray cat with human issues to warm up to him 😭😭 doesnt get along with any of the LIs at all and always keep an arm's length around them, but she only lets kuras into her life (and fun fact he loves feeding her) surprisingly tolerates mhin too, and learns a lot abt how to use weapons from them, and since she was in a thief syndicate i imagine her agility lvl is v high (and dont tell this to my unnamed mc but my alchemist and hound mc is my favourite children...)

The unnamed- shes raised like a royalty all her life, since being an oracle means that everyone borderline worship her, but being raised at a temple also means theres many restrictions and shes honestly lowkey sick of being treated like it, though she keeps the perfect facade up, all smiles and all. Shes kind of a lil shit since after running away from the temple, she finds it hard to keep her nice facade up but still tries too hard to keep em (this results in her going 😄😄 but when she suddenly snaps she was like- omg i accidentally let my true colours out- and went back to being nice and all smiles as if her previous outburst didnt just happen- yes shes two faced) i pair her with ais and vere (aka the lil shits 😭) honestly their relationships r just ais and vere trying to make her snap and drop her nice facade its kind of hilarious

Andd yeahhs thats abt it abt them !! Sorry this got much longer than it shouldve been 😔😔 but thank u for being curious abt my silly goofies 🥺🥺 my personal fave is mhin!! And after finish talking to ais and kuras i...im lowkey interested in them disjdjejdjejdj theyre so fun??¿¿ 😭😭 leander is high up in my list too but i mostly see him as a big bro figure bc of his friendliness 🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️

ANYWAYS I LOVE U SM OKAY RMMBR THAT NIA SENDING U LOTS OF VIRTUAL HUGS THHANK U FOR BRIGHTENING UP MY DAY 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

its fine i know who u are. im lying. im not. i have a hypothesis i wont say bc well thatd be awkward if i was wrong wouldnt it. STAY PERF! SENDING U ..NOT ANON LOVE...wtf is the opposite of anonymous. KNOWN! IDENTIFIED! jesus. i need to go back to sleep i think i slept for like 3 hours my body hates me or sometign....THANK YOU!!!! i will continue 2 look 4 happy things 2day. reacted under cut 2 save space :heart:

HELLO ALCHEMIST MC!!! the plain water imcirny?@%? that's real actually stay hydrated OMGG learning magic after meeting is saur smart... is she ending up w leander... WHAT IS MHIN DOING. stay so strong

HOUND MC AND KURAS that's so real. handling 2 mhins...u can do it bro... LOVES FEEDING HER 🙁 i cannot wait 2 hear abt how she lets her walls down i think the hound option is just soo good for that and kuras is an interesting choice 4 it.. + w mhin's own...defensiveness and such....yeah . stuff is going to happen here

WOWW. UNNAMED FACADE OF HAPPINESS...love the trope I LOOVEEE WHEN CHARAS DO THAT i giggle a little like omg AIS AND VERE. jesus. wow. oh wow. there is so much u can do there. oh that sounds like itll be so fun to develop

DO NAWTT APOLOGIZE i like 2 hear abt everyones ocs bc i dont make them LOL i am sure mhin would love u. i think they need the same amnt of support + self care reminders u give me like TAKE CARE OF URSELF...LET PEOPLE TAKE CARE OF U... i hope something so awesome happens for u today :heart:

#🧾nia.answers #<3 anon #so fuckin tired of punctuation #i cannot hold up the image any longer i do not use punctuation #if u see me going on and off w my apostrophes...leave me alone /lh #adding more 2s and 4s NO MORE WORDS. #q

[caffeine-cookie]

My really cheesy and badly written explanation of clovers backstory

(Rest under cut)

this is so badly worded I just felt like rambling

I will probably go over this every now and then, change up little details or maybe even make huge changes. But the one thing that will always stay is his immortality and how it works, even if I end up booting TK off of this, this will STILL be a time spell

I haven’t figured out who I want his friend to be. But definitely nobody in canon. I might actually just create an oc just for this. For now I just have an eye chart for all three, I’ve only come up with a name for them so far, but good enough

These designs are temporary EXCEPT for Timekeepers. I thought Calatheas was a pretty enough name/plant for dead friend.

How Timekeeper got involved in this is basically that:

During the year Clovers friend was dying from an incurable disease, Clover became like, essentially on edge 24/7. Irrational, distraught, depressed. WAS HE IN LOVE WITH CALATHEAS? Maybe, I don’t know, probably just really emotionally attached to a point he’d do anything for them. I figure he was a really reserved person so he never got along with anyone else very much; but Calatheas was different.

Eventually when Calatheas was nearing a very obvious death in a couple months, Clover promises that he’ll let nothing happen to them, that he’ll make sure they live. And despite how they continuously tel him they want to just pass away peacefully, telling Clover to move on, if he really loves them then to let go and move on, and Clover just can’t accept it.

Timekeeper (because the bitchass they are), seeing Clover in such a vulnerable and irrational state, they decide to kinda mess with him for the fun of it. Approaching him in the woods while he was searching for ingredients for some soup, and telling him that they knew about Calatheas’s condition and that they could help. Clover at first is a bit hesitant, but seeing how powerful Timekeeper is, he asks them what they have to offer. Happily, Timekeeper pulls out a little piece of paper with some text on it. It looked like it was ripped out of a book or something (it was), and Timekeeper gives it to Clover, telling him that its a Time spell specially created by them.

Reading the text on it, Clover realises that this could keep Calatheas alive for as long as the Gods. The spell would basically reverse time of your body back to the state it was in the day the spell was casted on you. All alterations and changes to the body would get changed right back (actually a couple minutes later) to the day the spell was casted. Clover didn’t even think about how Calatheas would be in pain for their entire life if this was casted to them. They would forever be in aching pain, exhausted, and feeling like they’re dying day by day. But they’re not. No cure could help them either because their body would just reject it right back, because thats considered a change added to the body. That does mean they can’t catch any other disease and stuff, but that also means cures wont work on them.

It’s just become endless torture

TK wishes Clover the best and leaves, but they KNOW what they did. The spell would have absolutely no positive effects on Calatheas. Its too strong of a spell itself, that it’d kill Calatheas in mere minutes. Calatheas’s body being too weak to be able to take the spell. AND THATS IF THE SPELL IS DONE CORRECTLY. If the spell is done wrong, then Calatheas would still be dying and they’ll just die like they were supposed to anyway. If the spell works but in a way where they become ‘immortal’, like I said before, it just becomes endless hell. They can’t win in this scenario, and Clover isn’t thinking straight enough to realise that. He refuses to let them die peacefully because he doesn’t WANT them to die.

Clover excitedly brings home the piece of paper and shows it to Calatheas, and instead of getting a

‘Oh my god you’re my hero Clover!!!1!1! I luvv luv you sososoo much’

Instead he gets a horrified response.

Calatheas: “Don’t use that on me. Don’t even waste your time on it, it won’t be worth it. Please, don’t.”

Clover: “But wouldn’t you rather live?! Even if it hurts, you-you can still be alive!”

Calatheas: “I’ll be bedridden forever. Until the sun explodes, until something fatal happens that even the gods are taken out or my body is reduced to complete ashes.”

Clover: “But you’ll still be alive!!”

Calatheas: “I’d rather be DEAD then be alive like that for the rest of my life. Everyday feeling like it’s my last, even though there would never be one.

But Clover doesn’t listen. Of course he fucking doesn’t. He persists, and for months, years, practices the spell over and over again until he KNOWS he did it right. Testing it on plants mostly since thats what hes familiar with. And eventually he brought it to Calatheas, and of course, it doesn’t work. Just like how TK predicted, the spell goes haywire on them and it ends up speeding up their death, which was supposedly like 5ish months left? To 5 minutes.

And Clover just freaks the fuck out, he realises he fucked up, and he thinks TK tricked him. And well, they did, but not in the way hes thinking. He thinks they gave him a faulty spell on purpose just to watch him suffer, when really they DID give him a perfectly well working spell. But instead they didn’t tell Clover that it wouldn’t work on Calatheas.

Clover, seeing that he was now just a ‘cold blooded murder’, he decides to use the spell on himself. It was ‘faulty’ from the beginning, so he’ll just end up dying too. But instead, a lot longer later, he realises theres no effects on him. No side effects, nothing. At first he thinks that maybe he had to wait longer or something, but then a thought linger in the back of his head.

‘What if it worked?’

And hesitantly, he takes a knife from one of the counters and just impales himself in the stomach. Spitting up blood, he laughs, realising how stupid of a decision that was. Of course the spell didn’t work it wasn’t SUPPOSED to in the first place.. until, during the last minutes, when he thinks hes dying. He just feels a different kind of piercing, cramping pain in his wound. He realises that the wound fucking closed up, and there was nothing there. It was as if he hadn’t even touched himself, he was PERFECTLY FINE

And yeah. Thats when the actual realisation hits him

#tw attemped suicide mention #tw self harm (basically) #cookie run #clover cookie run

[slowdripsunrise]

MORE READING UPDATES OMLLLLLLL i forgor about this blog again. it will happen again tbh but i still have to go through all of the books i finished in late 2023 up to now... i'm gonna try and get as many as i can done but probably wont get all of them lol. probably very long post/rant + spoilers for various books under the cut

keep in mind i have shit memory and all of these books were finished a while ago so be warned for bad analysis and summaries

-How High We Go in the Dark by Sequoia Nagamatsu: this book was a collection of short stories that are interconnected through characters and a central storyline - a plague. i thought the concept was super interesting and i had heard really good things about it from people i share a reading taste with so i went into this expecting to be blown away and i just. wasnt. i LOVED some of the short stories and there were a few that made me cry, mainly snortorious and the robot dog story where the mom died, but other than that it was kinda a let down. the ending fucking sucked ngl. like i thought we were leading up to some profound moment, especially calling back to the chapter where people are relieving their memories in the dark, because i thought that was really compelling and interesting, but it was just fucking aliens. like it reallly feels like a cop out to me. like a whole "and it was all just a dream" type ending. im not gonna rate it actually yes i am i'd give it like 2.5-3 stars. only because some of the chapters were super hard hitting but other than that. meh.

-The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater: WHOOOOO BOY. i ate this shit up. god if i had read this in middle school or high school i am 100% certain it would have become my entire personality. like i fucking get it. i totally fucking get it. i'm treating the whole series as one book rn bc they all kinda blend together in my mind and its been a while but just. the fucking vibes. good lord the vibes were so good. can't pick out any 100% certain things i particularly noticed but i will reblog every webweave about this series there is trust. rating the entire series as 5 stars mostly because i listened to the audiobook and they did SUCH A GOOD JOB ON TH E AUDIOBOOK OML like. at first i was kinda thrown off bc i wasn't expecting it to be so. southern? but once i finished the first one i knew there was no way i could just go back to reading it with a physical book like audiobook all the way the narrator was so awesome and i love the southernness of it.

-What Moves the Dead by T. Kingfisher: my first t. kingfisher book! i loved the vibes, the world, the whole new set of pronouns, that shit was so fun, overall a nice short and sweet creepy ass fucking book. like im a huge wimp so i was deffo nervous and freaked out at some points, especially with the rabbits lol idk why but those were unnerving. the author did a really good job of conveying the mc's anxiety and fear while also adding in some humor and soldier rationality and stoicism. lol. cute i liked it 3.5/4 stars.

-Fault Lines by Emily Itami: tbh mostly picked this one up for the cover and it was really just a standard cheating story where the mc gets back together with her original husband because of their kids. nothing i remember to be groundbreaking at all really. 2.5 stars

-Olga Dies Dreaming by Xochitl Gonzalez: I really wasn't expecting to like this book as much as I did. the pov changes i think were very well done and intentional and weren't confusing at all! the narrators for the audiobook were wonderful and really brought life to the story, a lovely book.

-She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan: honestly, looking back on it, i was never really captivated by this story. it took me a long time to get into it, and i really never connected with any of the characters. a lot of it was more confusing than not, and i'm honestly not sure if i feel the need to continue the series. may be a case of me not being in the right mood for it, but i don't see myself trying it again. kinda sad cuz i was excited to love this but oh well. win some lose some.

-Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr: hands down my fav book of 2023 and one of my fav books of all time. like i have a feeling this review is going to be either very long or very short because there is no way i will be able to write out all the ways i love this book. the owl motif. the environmental extremism from seymore that i can 100% relate to. the way that he fell down that path in a way that felt realistic to me, based on his circumstances, and it isn't implied in my opinion, that all autistic people are like this, that all autistic people can take things to the extreme like seymore did. the audiobook was wonderful. the interconnected stories over time i think is one of my new favorite tropes/plots/metas. if done well (cough how high we go in the dark) it gets me every single time. XENO and everything about him. i was listening to the audiobook at work and during his death i had to fight back tears lol. god. and the kids in the play and how they wanted to end the story.... fuck my life. and konstance and her curiosity and oh my god everything about this book messed me up. 5/5 i think thats all i'll be able to say before i combust.

-Chlorine by Jade Song: what a weird little book. really liked it. audiobook slayed. not much else to say. recommend for weird lesbians. 3.5/4 stars.

-A Dowry of Blood by S. T. Gibson: THE AUDIOBOOK NARRATOR IS SO FUCKING GOOD AT HER JOB I COULD LISTEN TO HER TALK ALL DAY I THINK IM IN LOVE WITH HER. the story was really good love a good vampire story love a good creepy story. fun time. listened to the audiobook in like an hour hour and a half car ride it was a good time. 3.5 stars.

and that ends off all of the books i read in 2023 !!!!!!! YIPPEEE!!!!! i'll stop here and make a separate post for the books i've read so far in 2024 just for organizational purposes and also because i am hungry and need to stop lol. if you made it this far through the post i love you and also sorry for the long rant but also too bad because this is my blog and you clicked on it. happy reading :)

#book review #thoughts.txt #how high we go in the dark #the raven cycle #trc #what moves the dead #fault lines #olga dies dreaming #she who became the sun #cloud cuckoo land #chlorine #a dowry of blood

[jxpcloud]

journey into addiction

this might be a bit of a triggering one even for me

im coming to terms with alot of shit tbh and one thing most therapists like you to talk about is your childhood. dint get me wrong im pretty sure i had a good childhood. my parents spit up when i was 7 but that was the only "bad" thing that happened in my childhood and honestly it wasnt bad, they split up because theyre lives were going in different directions which is weird considering they had two kids but they had been together since they were 17 so i kinda get it. but im currently being treated for bipolor or bpd (they are commenly confused) and both hold strong to childhood trauma. you do not need to have childhood trauma to develop these its just more common. thinking about it i dont know much from my childhood. and childhood being a very big term as i have to think from the ages of 2-16 and im only 17 but my brain has block alot of shit out and sometimes i feel sad and i cant even remember why cause my brain has just decided to not let me know what flashbacks im having. im awear im having flashbacks to possibly somwthing traumatic but i dont even know what but it stunns me for a while to say the least.

anyway i was doing a deepdive on myself which, inherently dangerous, did bring back a memory. self harm. theres a trend circulating on tiktok at the moment where people reveal stupid shit theyb did and tell theyre youngerselves that its not worth it and many that come up to me are self harm related. i had a think back to when i first started to injure myself and i remeber 11yo me taking a compass to my arm. even then i felt pathetic because i was too nervous about an actual blade but it made decent marks that healed in a matter of days and that continued on for a while. but what pushed me to do that? i mean it couldve been the media i was exposed to alot of that kinda stuff peak 2016 tumblr tbh or maybe i wanted something phisical to externalize what i felt on the inside. i mean i wont sugar coat it, i saw people with marks and thought i should have marks too since im also stuggling with my mental health. not the smartest idea but thats how i made the pain physical. anyways i didnt get found out until i was 14, nothing really had changed but i was using a badge now that had a bend in it leaving the needle more exposed and sharp. mother had taken that away from me pretty quick but continued to not understand and took the classic approach that i just was attention seeking and then proceeded to give me no attention. shes alot better now at understanding. but its an addiction and i contuned up until maybe three weeks ago, my boyfriend saw some fresh ones and genuinly hugged me and gave me something that i needed to hear. i cant promise that i wont relapse and i didnt, but i promised to communicate and thats more impostant as its better than thinking im stopping cold turkey.

this wasnt really my point.

back into early childhood, primary school days, i had extreme anxiety. this is one of the only things i can remember. i remeber when kids were running and having fun i was worried about getting sunburn, or falling or genrally getting into trouble. its honestly concerning that nobody picked up how horrifically anxiety ridden i was as a child but i was just labled as one of those kids. a distinct memory i had was barely getting told off by my mum for something and refusing to eat for the rest of the day while i was in my room uncontrollably sobbing and hitting myself with the heaviest book in there. i was five. she probably thought i was throwing a strop but i remeber beating myself u til everything stung and i was exhausted. i didnt really get told off as a child and i think that was probably the only time but i would always feel so guild ridden that when i did make a mistake, when when told it was fine, i would continue to deny myself food and beat myself until i was a mess of tears and bruises. this is genuinly going on five to six year old me. its no wonder really how i developed an eating disorder thinking about it. but my violent tendencies started at five years old and have developed into more violence and years of trauma that i caused myself. no one really teaches kids how to handle there emotions, probably because they dont usually handle them like i did but someone should probably teach kids this shit before they destroy theyre little bodies

so yeah self harm is a tought action nailed down by addiction and the weird happy feeling after. i dont really want to explain that one. on a more postive note i wrote this out to stop myself from heing violent towards myself and i think the urge has passed now :)

[oflgtfol]

Yeah I definitely have to agree. I like seeing Obi-Wan struggle with everything and trying to give up his Jedi past but otherwise he is just kinda there, we knew who he was and what happens to him so I can’t imagine there being much that’s gonna happen besides maybe something with Reva. I really wouldn’t have any feelings either if they put a Vader confrontation in the show though I get why people might like it better if there wasn’t I guess. I do like though that at least the stories not all revolving around luke so far. And yeah pm same about the other characters, I like luke han and leia as a trio but not so much just as characters on their own. Also right Anakin was clearly violent from the start but for some reason people act like it makes sense for padme to not have been any the wiser. The flashbacks at the start of Obi-Wan with her just repeating there’s still good in him was not a fun line to remember lol. Also when Obi-Wan was talking about how Leia reminded him of someone I literally thought he meant Anakin at first, then Ashoka before I thought of Padme 😅 Little Leia seems like she can instantly figure people about I wouldn’t say the same for her. (Here’s the mando link, its not the best footage but it’s the only ones I’ve seen https://youtu.be/aRPfPT_8x4k)

yeah while i don't care about obi-wan i do think this series is very interesting for exploring his character in between the PT and OT. i think pretty much everyone had already figured what kind of mental state he was in during that time but it's still great to actually see it. i kinda wish it was more introspective and character-driven than action-driven, but so far from the first two episodes at least, it's striking an okay balance between the action and the introspection.

i really wanna see a vader confrontation because. well. as much as i hate anakin, i like vader? as a character at least, obv not as a person. i guess because as anakin, he's never punished for his crimes or even seen as BAD, he's continuously rewarded or at least just never acknowledged for them. but as vader he is very obviously A Bad Guy Who Commits Atrocities, like that's very much integral to who vader is, and so it's sort of a great relief to see it be so undeniable when as anakin it's always denied!

but i actually don;t know if there will be a confrontation? it's been nearly a year since the one (1) time i ever watched the OT so i can't remember the line exactly but didnt they say in ANH that obi-wan and vader hadn't met since mustafar? so if i'm not mistaken then for continuity reasons they probably wont meet. which sucks. i wanna see obi-wan at his absolute fucking worst, this absolute shell of a man with nothing left to live for, come face to face with the monster his studentbrotherson became. IF I AM MISTAKEN THOUGH, and them meeting in showbi wan IS possible, then like, is that the reason why obi-wan shifts from "anakin is alive" to "anakin died on mustafar / darth vader is not the man i once loved" cuz if so then that's GREAT. i may not care about obi-wan and i may actively dislike anakin/vader but GOD i love me some narrative drama and fucked up relationships. i'm metaphorically munching on popcorn as i type this

and yes showbi wan featuring more leia than luke is such a breath of relief to me. i adore little leia so much and it's so great seeing her be focused on for once, both in general and also because by god disney has been milking luke's appearances in sw media lately so badly

and ZOMG thank u for the link <3 idk how i feel about how plot heavy s3 is gonna be from the looks of things but im excited anyway i think <3

#ask #Anonymous #sw posting #kenobi spoilers #just in case

[iceeckos12]

time travel snippet

little time travel au oneshot. season 5 jon travels back in time to season 1. from the perspectives of tim, martin, and sasha. 3.5k.

i dont think i need to tag anything, but please let me know otherwise.

Tim wakes up that morning, and it’s just like any other day.

Well—no, okay, that’s a bit misleading. Today is his first day working as an archival assistant, so he’s one part nervous, one part that breathless, exhilarated feeling you only get when you’re about to do something unfamiliar that may or may not redefine your life for the foreseeable future. When he says “it’s just like any other day”, he means that he wakes up, and he’s a normal person doing normal people things like eating a healthy breakfast and going to work.

(So, no. In short, he doesn’t realize that today is the day when It happens, that big, life-changing event that you think will Never Happen To You.)

He gets out of bed, stumbles into the bathroom. Washes his face of whatever residue that’d built up during the night, tries to scrape away the evidence of his nightmares, smiles big and bright at the mirror to see how successful his efforts were. He’s betrayed by the traitorous bags beneath his eyes, but that’s okay. Sasha taught him how to wield concealer as a shield whenever his past wore down his armor.

He shoots twin finger guns into his reflection, making soft pew, pew! noises that are almost too-loud in the hush of the bathroom. Then he turns on his heel and walks away, sauntering and humming along with the chorus of Dolly Parton’s 9 to 5.

He gets to the Institute twenty minutes before he’s supposed to—not because he’s trying to impress his boss or whatever (he and Jon have known each other long enough that there’s no point). It’s just, Jon will probably want to make some sort of game-plan before the actual workday starts. 

The poor man had been relieved to an almost comical degree when Tim had said yes, I’ll come with you to the Archives. It’s painfully obvious how out-of-his-depth Jon is with the whole “Head Archivist” thing. Tim’s honestly baffled as to why Elias had singled him out for the position in the first place, considering his lack of qualifications.

But, whatever. It’s fine! Tim and Sasha will be there to help him—although the third assistant is a bit of a problem, considering that they know absolutely nothing about him. There’s no guarantee that this Martin Blackwood won’t report inadequacies or mistakes back to Elias. If that’s the case, Tim and Sasha will have to be Jon’s safety net, which is partially why Tim is hoping to talk to Jon before anyone else gets there.

He also wants to talk to Jon because he just knows the man is probably working himself up over all of this. Maybe reassurances won’t do away with the source of anxiety entirely, but at least it’ll remind Jon that he’s not alone, and that he can count on Tim and Sasha.

As expected, when Tim gets there he can see a sliver of light pouring out from the cracked door of the Head Archivist’s office. He selects a desk and sets his bag on top of it, noting a set of strange gouges in the fake wood with a raised eyebrow, and then an internal shrug. The Institute issued laptop is near the far edge of his desk, and his collection of pictures are strategically placed so that he can see them all clearly.

His eyes linger over the image of him, his mother, and his brother. Their smiles are almost perfect replicas of each other, like someone took a mold of one of their faces and recreated it twice over.

Briefly, he closes his eyes. Then he shakes himself, releases a slow, steadying breath, and goes to check on Jon.

Tim’s not sure what he’s expecting to see when he goes into Jon’s office.

(That’s misleading too, though. He’s not sure if Jon will be visibly calm or upset, if he’ll be on his laptop, if he’ll be picking at the skin around his fingernails, as he so often does when he’s stressed. He is expecting Jon as he is and always has been—a twenty-some year old going on sixty, who wraps his gruff, grumpy demeanor about himself to protect the soft, vulnerable core he likes to pretend doesn’t exist.)

He comes up to the door, and the soft rectangle of light that emanates from beneath the door paints the tips of his shoes gold. “Jon?” he calls softly, rapping his knuckles against the frame. There’s a soft rustling noise—papers maybe? but no audible response, so he shrugs and pushes the door open. “I’m coming in.”

Tim steps inside, a quip instinctively readying itself on his tongue—but then his gaze lands on Jon, and he freezes dead in his tracks.

Even years later, he still vividly, viscerally remembers the moment he saw Danny standing on the stage underneath the Royal Opera House, the way he’d looked...not quite right. The wrongness had been subtle, so much so that it had been unnoticeable upon first glance, upon second glance. The longer Tim had looked though, the more obvious it had become, exposing all the little faults in that almost-perfect recreation of his brother.

Looking at Jon now, it’s the first and only thing he can think of. Because—yes, there’s the long, silver-streaked black hair, there’s the rich brown eyes, there’s the pair of spectacles that make him look far older than he actually is. But that’s where the similarities between the Jon he knows and this Jon end.

Jon’s always been a small man, but his feigned haughtiness makes him seem much bigger than he actually is. Except—except this Jon looks smaller somehow, his shoulders curved protectively inward, like he’s trying to present less of a target. And there’s something about his face, too—his expression is too sharp, too much—

But the worst of it is his eyes. There’s something very wrong with his eyes.

Who the fuck are you, and what have you done with Jon? He doesn’t say it out loud though, just keeps staring at Jon, a heady mix of terror and horror making any sort of reaction impossible.

After a moment Jon’s lips thin, contorted by some distant cousin of displeasure, and he rises to his feet. Tim stumbles instinctively backward, his breath escaping him in a sharp gasp that’s immediately swallowed up by the apathetic stacks of books and papers surrounding them. He’s struck by the fact that if he dies here, it’s unlikely anyone will notice; he’ll become just another set of marks gouged into the desk, willed away with an uneasy shrug.

Jon freezes, lips parting subtly, as though he were about to speak. Tim feels his breath catch in his chest, unable to shake himself out of the clouded stupor his mind has fallen into.

In the end, Jon says nothing. Just releases a long, slow breath of air and sits back down, pushing his chair close to his desk. The motion looks heavy, tired, as though it takes far more energy than it should.

“You—you should go,” Jon rasps, and there’s something off about his voice too, though Tim can’t put his finger on why. He can’t cobble together enough of a train of thought to make sense of any of this, all he can think of is that clown ripping Danny apart—

He stumbles out of Jon’s office, sits down at his desk. Stares down at the cheap, fake wood, at the gouges that have marred the otherwise pristine surface. Puts his head in his hands, and tries to will his heart to stop pounding in his chest.

-0-

Martin’s heard things about Jonathan Sims.

He’s not usually the type to pay attention or encourage gossip, as the vivid memories of his classmates tittering cruelly whenever he walked by still leaves a sour taste in his mouth.The problem with the Institute is that the employees get bored pretty easily. Though most would consider academic research into the esoteric and the paranormal to be fairly interesting, it’s still academic research. And the subject content can get to be a bit...repetitive. There’s only so many gruesome statements you can read without thinking, oh great, more meat.

So the employees gossip a lot, and while Martin usually tries to keep his head down and avoid it, it’s difficult not to overhear some things. And from what little he’s heard, he’s...a bit concerned. Rude and unsociable has frequently been mentioned, as have arrogant and unnecessarily finicky, and worst of all, a bit of a stuck-up know-it-all.

Normally he tries not to put too much stock in office gossip—he’s well aware that the grapevine tends to exaggerate one’s most undesirable traits—but if any of it is true, then he might just be in trouble. It was hard enough being a library employee when his boss wasn’t even paying attention most of the time. If Jon is as exacting as they say, it might be enough to expose the fact that Martin has no idea what the fuck he’s doing. And if that happens, then he might get fired, and he can’t get fired, he needs this job, he can barely keep up with his mum’s medical bills as it is—

Calm down, Martin tells himself firmly, pressing his hand against his sternum, as though that will be enough to quell the rising panic. It’s only your first day. Maybe he’s nice, and we’ll actually be good friends.

(With his luck? Yeah, right.)

The Institute looms in the distance, growing closer with every terrified, grudging footstep. A shiver runs up his spine at the sight of its imposing presence, a dark, ugly blot of a building against the backdrop of the iron grey clouds.

If there’s one thing he’s good at though, it’s keeping his head down and muddling through until he’s able to figure out what is actually expected of him. He can twist and fold himself into whatever role they need him to fill, as he has done so many times in the past. Not easily perhaps, but he has always managed. The alternative is untenable, after all.

So he takes a deep breath, and shoves his panic down as deep as possible. Lifts his head and forces a smile onto his face, like a good attitude will be enough to protect him from his boss’s wrath.

He could really do with a cup of tea.

Martin trudges down the stairs, giving the blank walls, the old-fashioned carpet, a dubious look as he does. The Archives themselves are as he remembers it—he’s been down here a couple of times when Gertrude made a request for something specific, but—

He pauses when he notices a man sitting at one of the desks, his face buried in his hands. His shoulders aren’t shaking and his breathing is even, so Martin doesn’t think that he’s crying? He’s just….sitting there, his stillness so perfect it’s almost inhuman.

“Hello?” Martin calls softly, cautiously, shifting his weight to the balls of his feet.

The man looks up, revealing a very handsome face and brown eyes so dark they may as well be black. His cheeks are dry but his eyes are bright and a little wild, and his mouth is pressed into a small, tight line. He doesn’t speak, just keeps watching, blinking dazedly in Martin’s direction. Martin gets the feeling that this person isn’t entirely there at the moment, like a house in which every room is lit, but there are no people inside.

He swallows and shifts nervously back and forth, trying to decide whether or not to call for some backup. Eventually he sets his bag on the floor and shuffles a bit closer. “Um—are you—is everything okay?”

The man blinks rapidly, some semblance of awareness creeping back into his gaze. He shakes his head slowly, pushes his short, gelled hair back from his head. His hands are trembling. “I’m...yeah, I’m fine. It’s—everything’s, it’s…”

But then his gaze lands on something over Martin’s shoulder, and all the color drains out of his face, his mouth shutting with a painful sounding click. Martin quickly spins around, searching for whatever could’ve scared him so much—

There’s someone standing in the doorway of Gertrude’s office.

There are so many things that one normally takes in upon first meeting another person: their hair, their skin color, all the little wrinkles and marks that give you the briefest insight into their life. Martin looks at posture first, tends to check if a person is intentionally looming, or if they’re making themself smaller.

But all Martin can see are the eyes.

There’s—two of them he thinks, but two is such an arbitrary number when the thing you’re applying it to doesn’t ascribe to human values (he’s not sure how he knows that—how does he know that—?). That horrible, terrible gaze is an unerring arrow, all-encompassing, all-consuming, piercing the deepest corners of his mind. It hurts in some distant, nebulous way he’s not even sure he comprehends—

Then he blinks, and the sheer terror, that feeling of the horrible, violating exposure of everything that he is, abruptly snuffs out. What’s left is just a person, wispy and small, his slight frame fairly drowning in a chunky, cable-knit jumper. He’s leaning against his doorframe, his eyes—two big brown ones, rich and unfathomably sad and more than that, human—drinking Martin in, his lips parted in a soundless gasp.

“Um—” Martin glances over his shoulder, and almost leaps out of his skin when a land falls heavily on his shoulder. The man who’d been sitting in the chair is standing just behind him, a strained but polite smile on his face.

“Hi Jon,” the man says, an undercurrent of a warning in his voice.

Martin glances between the two, his confusion growing with every passing moment. This is not what he was expecting when he first came into work today, and the uncertainty makes him feel strange and off-kilter.

The person in the door swallows once, twice, then straightens, one hand still gripping the doorframe like it’s the only thing keeping him upright. When he speaks, his voice is soft, tentative, a little ragged around the edges. “Tim. It’s, um...it’s good to see you.”

“Martin Blackwood, was it?” Tim continues, injecting a bit of cheer into his voice. It takes Martin a moment to realize that he’s being addressed, and he shoots Jon—this is Jonathan Sims?—an uncertain look before nodding slowly. “We’re happy to have you on the team.”

“O-Oh?” Martin squeaks, then grits his teeth and bodily forces his voice back into its normal range. “I’m—um, I’m happy to be here?”

“Good,” Tim says through a grin that looks more like a grimace, giving Martin’s shoulder a friendly pat. The look he shoots Jon is a dark, mistrustful thing. The look Jon gives him back is fragile, vulnerable, that winds the tension in Tim’s shoulders so tight it has to be painful.

Jon’s gaze flickers to Martin, just for a second—and then he disappears into his office, leaving the door cracked behind him.

Tim and Martin stand there for a second, staring at the door. Tim’s still tense as a bowstring, and his grip on Martin’s shoulder is almost uncomfortable. The air in the Archives feels stuffy and too warm, and there’s a strange prickling sensation on the back of Martin’s neck, like he’s being subjected to close scrutiny.

Then Tim sighs and lets go of Martin’s shoulder, a little of the tension bleeding out of him, and without it he looks small, deflated. He goes back to his desk and sits down, booting up his laptop without a word of explanation to Martin.

Martin stares at the back of Tim’s head for a moment, a number of questions clamoring around in his brain—what the fuck was that? What’s wrong with Jon? Why are you so obviously suspicious of him?—but the words won’t come. Breaking the silence feels...sacrilegious, somehow. Every breath of air sticks against the back of his throat.

In the end, he doesn’t say anything either, just sits at his desk and takes out his Institute-issued laptop. Stares blankly at the screen as the machine slowly, laboriously, comes to life.

-0-

Sasha’s not entirely sure how to interpret the tense atmosphere that has descended over the Archives.

The first day she’d arrived a couple of minutes before she was supposed to, prepared to follow Jon’s direction and help him adjust as best she could. (Her feelings about Jon’s promotion...didn’t matter. She didn’t like it, but it wasn’t his fault that Elias was an old-fashioned misogynist.)

But when she’d come down the stairs, Tim and the assistant she didn’t know, Martin, had been seated quietly at their desks. They’d both had the same distant, shell-shocked look on their faces, like they’d received some shattering, horrible news. Sasha had sent Tim a confused look, but he either hadn’t noticed it, or hadn’t wanted to explain.

She hadn’t even seen Jon that first day, just received a polite email asking her to start organizing the statements according to the system which he’d devised.

It’s been almost three days, and nothing has changed. Oh sure, they’ve all started organizing the statements as directed. Tim cracks jokes, Martin tiptoes around them and makes copious amounts of tea. That strange tension that makes the hair on the back of her neck stand up, like the world is holding its breath in anticipation, hasn’t faded though. And while she doesn’t know Martin all that well, she knows that something’s still up with Tim. He seems more subdued than usual, keeps sending uncomfortable looks in the direction of Jon’s office—

—which hasn’t been open since that first day. She hasn’t seen Jon at all either, no matter how early she arrives or how late she stays. The only proof she has that he’s still alive is the polite email she periodically receives, detailing some specific task that he wants for them to do.

Even then, his emails are...odd. She’s not sure how she can tell, but they feel...awkward? Stilted? Like he’s only half-aware of what he’s typing, or like he’s only asking them to do things because he feels like he should, not because he has any actual goal in mind.

Normally she’d be frustrated by this, would complain bitterly to Tim about Elias passing over her for someone who obviously doesn’t properly appreciate the position they’ve been given—except that she knows Jon. He’d made a point to explain the situation to her himself, an apologetic twist tucked into the corner of his mouth. More than that, he’d asked her to follow him to the archives, saying that he wanted the two people he trusted most, her and Tim, to come with him.

He respects her too much not to take this job seriously.

The strangeness of the archives is only emphasized by Jon’s complete and utter lack of presence within it, but she doesn’t—she doesn’t buy that. She doesn’t believe that he’d just suddenly decide not to do the job he’d been so anxious to excel at. 

More damning than anything is Tim’s complete, utter silence regarding Jon’s strange behavior, but whatever he knows about it, he isn’t saying anything. Martin is willing to talk, but he seems to be as lost as she is.

“I—that first day, Jon…” Martin shrugs, shooting a nervous glance toward the door leading to the archives. He’s been spending a lot of time hovering in the break room making tea, not that she can blame him. “He—I mean obviously I don’t know him very well, but he seemed...upset?”

“Upset,” Sasha repeats dubiously.

Martin lets out an exhausted sigh and turns away, waving a dismissive hand. “Look, I’m not entirely sure how to explain it. He just—okay, so, bear with me for a second, but he reminded me of this guy who used to live in my neighborhood.”

Sasha backs off, folding her arms and leaning against the counter. “Okay?”

“There was this little old couple that used to live in my neighborhood. They were—they were really sweet! The husband used to give candy to us younger kids. But um—sometimes you’d see him sitting in the rocking chair on his porch, and it was like...he wasn’t entirely there? Like, he’d just sit there for hours, rocking and staring at nothing. That’s—that’s what Jon’s expression reminded me of.”

Martin gets more animated the more he talks, Sasha notes; his hands move in broad, sweeping gestures, his expression twisting into an expression of extreme concentration. The moment he finishes he deflates again, tucking his hands into his armpits self-consciously, a hedgehog curling protectively in on itself.

“So, yeah,” he finishes eloquently.

“Huh,” Sasha says thoughtfully.

She gets back to her desk. Looks over at Tim, who’s studiously working through a box of statements, his mouth set in a neutral, concentrated frown. Takes a deep breath, letting the taste of dust and old papers sit heavy on her tongue.

Then she opens her laptop and starts looking through the catalog of cursed items that are currently being held in Artifact Storage.

(She doesn’t think that she’ll find anything, but—but just in case.)

-0-

They all get the call the next Monday morning: Elias Bouchard was found dead in his office.

#tma #iceeckos12 writes #my writing #just a little time travel au #probably wont continue this but i thought it was kinda fun