#probably gonna start posting my attacks tomorrow

[simcardiac-arrested]

i can’t believe it ….. i’m free ………….. (spreads my wings and immediately flies into a brick wall)

#just drew my last artfight attack. GOODBYE BITCH! #jesus christ man this was such a wild artfight for me. 31 (the most i’ve ever done!!!) finished pieces all in different artstyles #i need an oscar. a grammy. anything #oh my god i cant believe i can actually draw other stuff now #realistically i’ll probably never draw again for like 2 years after all that #crammerposting #ouhhhh auehghhh #probably gonna start posting my attacks tomorrow #i SO didnt draw everyone i wanted to draw. but it’s ok <3 we ball

[marlenesluv]

Teammates Roommate… (OP)

summary: as max and landos roommate, you hear a lot about formula 1, but you usually stay out of the heated conversations. but when lando and max start posting you online, tagging you, landos teammate, oscar piastri, is interested in you.

pairing: fem!reader x oscar piastri, fem!reader x platonic grid

fc: kurodahana on insta

warnings: i’m pretty sure none, i cant remember if there’s cussing or not lol

type: smau + dialogue

masterlist here -> masterlist link

^ check my list for all posts! ^

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

liked by: landonorris, y/n.user, and 42,013 others

tagged: landonorris, pietra.pilao, and y/n.user

maxfewtrell: roommate reveal on the second slide 😛💅

view comments…

pietra.pilao: my fav gal <3

↳ y/n.user: pietraaa <3

lnfournation: WOAH SHES SO PRETTY

mclaren481edits: omg girl crushhhh

f1updates: THE INSTA DROP

landonorris: not the side eye, y/n🙄

↳ y/n.user: wtv

user7: she has a public insta?? HELLO

danielricciardo: y/nnnnnnnn🤠

↳ y/n.user: danielllllllllll🤠

bigricenergy: y/n and dan besties?

user1: pietra and max are so cuteeeee

f1fp16: she’s so pretty ohmygosh

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

liked by: oscarpiastri, landonorris, and 28,024 others

y/n.user: first day at the mclaren paddock tomorrow, kinda nervous

view comments…

oscarpiastri: so excited to meet you!

↳ y/n.user: yayaya!! me too :)

f1updates: she’s literally so gorgeous, how did she wind up living with those two😭

↳ y/n.user: LMAO PLS. first, tysm. and i grew up with max and lando! so we j all kinda decided when we were older to live together

user3: awwwhaha the pic of missing max, you found him!

papayafam814: girllll we are so excited to see you in the paddock!!!

maxfewtrell: i love that second photo!

↳ landonorris: prove it. make it ur lock screen

↳ pietra.pilao: no. im his lock screen

↳ landonorris: 🙄

piasss81: ooo oscar and y/n content!! i’m excited

user8: pretty girl omg

francisca.cgomes: omg our sushi date was so fun🥹 we need to do it again soon!

↳ y/n.user: i’ll see you tomorrow, babe😋 we can get lunch?

↳ pierregasly: no?? you’re gonna steal my gf from me?!

↳ y/n.user: so? kika?

↳ francisca.cgomes: yesss let’s get food😛 pierre we can get dinner

↳ pierregasly: wow thanks

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

your instagram story:

seen by: oscarpiastri, landonorris, and 24,134 others

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

When Oscar met Y/n, the only thoughts in his mind were how funny she was, how everyone in the paddock loved her, and how beautiful she was. He wasn’t sure if he was experiencing a crush or a heart attack with the way his heart was beating out of his chest when he asked for her number.

Y/n gladly gave him her number, knowing she would probably be hanging out with him again soon. Lando had invited Oscar to stay with them during break, which was right after this race.

Of course Oscar was excited to hangout with Lando and Max, and he knew Carlos, Pierre, and Charles would probably come over at some point as well. But he usually kept to himself, something Y/n seemed to do, but not with her friends. She easily got along with the paddock, though. Joking with Oscar and Landos engineers, getting food with Oscar, Lando, Max, and being joined by Zak Brown.

Oscar didn’t expect Lando to barge into his drivers room after Qualifying though. He had just sat down and was drinking his water when Lando opened the door, where he could see Max and Y/n walk by, probably to the cafe.

“So…when are you going to ask her out?” Lando asked, after he had closed Oscars door and stood infront of him.

“Who?…” Oscar picked at his fingernails, even though he knew exactly who Lando was talking about. “Y/n, you muppet. When are you gonna ask her out?”

“I don’t think I will, Lando. She doesn’t even know me.” he brushed his hands through his hands, making eye contact with Lando.

“Maybe. But if you ask her out, then you guys can get to know each other. Come on, mate. She’s been single for two years now, all of her past boyfriends were dicks to her, and you’re a good bloak. Max and I approve.”

Oscars head snapped at Lando, “You guys approve, do you? Have you guys been talking about this?”

“A bit. Listen, get changed. Put a nice shirt on and meet us in the cafe. Max and Y/n are already ready. Us four are going to get dinner. Hurry up.” Lando said, leaving before Oscar could even reply.

Surprised, and a little excited, Oscar got changed and met you guys in the cafe. He saw you, sitting next to Max and Lando as Max called Pietra, and Lando scrolled through Instagram. You made eye contact with Oscar, getting up and waving him over as Lando noticed, smirking at Oscar.

“Hey, Oscar! You ready to go?” you bit your lip, just out of pure habit? making Oscar look and nod, “Yeah. Are we gonna meet there..?”

“Oh, about that, mate. Can you take Y/n and I’ll take Max? Just easier transportation that way.” Lando said, smirking again so Y/n couldn’t see, but Oscar could see perfectly.

Y/n smiled at Oscar, unaware of Landos planning. Y/n did find Oscar cute, maybe that wasn’t a good idea to tell Pietra. She swore she wouldn’t tell her boyfriend, but the thought of her best friend with a good guy and happy, she couldn’t resist telling her boyfriend when he asked, having his own suspicions when he caught Y/n watching Oscars race pov one sunday.

She wanted to get to know Oscar better, as he did her. “Yeah, that’s fine. You wanna just send me the address?” Oscar asked, pulling his phone out for when Lando sent it.

“Mate, we are just gonna go to our house. Y/n obviously knows the address. We’re gonna watch 22 Jump Street and order Chinese takeout.” Lando got up with Max and said their byes to Y/n. Max making kiss faces behind Y/n and Lando winking.

“Ready?” Y/n asked, grabbing her bag. “Yeah…” The two of them left the paddock together, occasionally getting stopped by fans for pictures, and Netflix to film Oscar leaving after Qualifying.

As they got to Oscars car, he opened the passenger door for her, closing it when she got in. He threw his bag in the backseat, and started the car up. “You wanna put your bag in the backseat?” Oscar asked, reversing out of his spot. “Hm? Oh, sure.” She placed it on the floor in the back and he played some music, light conversation about her school floating around.

“Wait, so you’re studying art history then?” Oscar asked her as he drove to her house.

“Mhm. It’s actually really interesting.” Y/n looked at Oscar, making quick eye contact as he nodded and looked back to the road.

“Do you like it? You seem more like you’re into the history aspect than the art.”

“How did you know that?” she questioned, raising an eyebrow. “I saw you earlier on your laptop looking at an article.” Oscar shrugged.

“I do enjoy the art aspect though! I don’t know what I’m going to do with my degree but, I enjoy it. Its better than accounting.” Y/n sighed as Oscar laughed a bit, “Not a math fan, I take it?”

“I’m horrible.” she deadpanned, making Oscar laugh more, her joining in. The rest of the ride was filled with general conversation. Not much needed to be said between them. They had a mutual love for quite, and they didn’t find it uncomfortable. If anything, it was comforting. The slight music in the back, the only other noise being his car.

When they got to the house, Lando and Max were unpacking the food, as Y/n had texted hers and Oscars order in the car. Glances between the two were common throughout dinner, back and forth, and flirting done by Oscar.

Annoyed by the lack of flirting by Y/n, Lando grabbed Max and dragged him out of the room, leaving the two introverts alone.

“They aren’t going to talk if we aren’t there, mate. Y/n is too shy.” Max said, cracking his neck as Lando glared at him. “They’ll talk. They have to. Did you see the way Y/n stared at him as he unwrapped chopsticks?? My god, she’s so touch deprived. I’m rooting for them.”

“Yeah, I know. Hopefully Oscar speaks up, cause Y/n could go days without talking.” Max spoke, looking at Lando as he had his ear against the bedroom door and heard talking, “Mate! Oscars talking to her- oh wait! I heard her too!”

“You’re being a little creepy….move over.” Lando scoffed at Maxs comment, scooting over to Max could listen as well.

Out in the living room, Oscar had turned the tv down so he could talk to Y/n. They ended up having a long conversation, during which he asked her on a date, which caused her mouth to open a bit, nod, and say yes. “I’d love to, Oscar.” Which caused him to smile at his spring roll.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

liked by: oscarpiastri, landonorris, and 57,237 others

y/n.user: sunday? no. race day. monday? no. date day.

view comments…

landonorris: LFG. THE SHIP HAS SAILED

↳ maxfewtrell: calm down, mate (i’m ecstatic)

user3: lando and max are the captains of this ship fr

oscarpiastri: my gorgeous girl 💓

↳ y/n.user: pretty boy💓🫠

ferrarifriends: the second picture?!🥹

↳ mclarenfp814: so cuteeeee

pietra.pilao: ugh. picture perfect couple

↳ maxfewtrell: and us??

↳ pietra.pilao: calm down, babe

papayapage1: oscar is so bf in these pics

y/ns.fp.official: UGH SHES SO PHOTOGENIC

lilymhe: my girl crush fr

↳ alex_albon: 🤨

↳ lilymhe: i said GIRL crush. you’re the loml, it’s different

↳ alex_albon: ❤️

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

liked by: oscarpiastri, francisca.cgomes, and 59,130 others

y/n.user: osc after getting p3 and me and kika on another dinner date while our bfs train🥱

view comments…

user7: being the best wags really does take it out of them. justice for all wags! we love

oscarpiastri: we’re so cute ☺️

↳ y/n.user: ik☺️

f1wags: a couple i would die for

papayabros: taylor swift coded?

↳ yourbsf: mitski coded.

↳ y/n.user: MITSKI😫🫠💓

user5: ummmm, don’t know if i wanna be y/n, or be WITH y/n

↳ user9: the second one

mawfewtrell: CUTE COUPLE ALERT 🚨

↳ landonorris: WEEWOO WEEWOO

f1updates: adorbs adorbs adorbs

y/nandoscarfp: my otp fr

francisca.cgomes: we do take the best pics of each other fr

↳ y/n.user: we really do

oscylan814: papaya boy #81 is taken ladies :’)

↳ oscarsedit8fp: okay buttttt she’s so cute and funny and nice so i’m good with it

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

your instagram story:

seen by: oscarpiastri, landonorris, and 37,024 others

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

liked by: y/n.user, landonorris, and 382,024 others

oscarpiastri: nyc dates and subway pics <3

view comments…

y/n.user: photographer oscar is here <3

↳ oscarpiastri: im only your photographer tho

↳ y/n.user: i’m not paying you tho

↳ oscarpiastri: pay me with kisses

↳ y/n.user: on it!!

redbullfp1: might be my new fav couple…

brasilll4ever: guys i saw them kiss at the brazil gp and they were so cuteee

f1wags: omggg ours favs ☺️

user8: ugh the way he posts her is too cute

papayabroskis: papaya gf!!!!

↳ mclaren814bae: i love papaya gf!!!!

landonorris: the way me, max, pietra, arthur, and charles were also with them in nyc but they wont post us?!

↳ arthur_leclerc: we don’t mean anything to them😔

↳ maxfewtrell: it’s so rude

f1updates: we all know that if pietra was there, then everyone else was third wheeling y/n and pietra

↳ pietra.pialo: so true 💋

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

(reposts, comments, and likes are appreciated!^-^)

#formula 1 #f1 #formula one #oscar piastri #oscar piastri smau #oscar piastri fanfic #oscar piastri fic #oscar piastri x y/n #oscar piastri x you #oscar piastri f1 #oscar piastri x reader #f1 smau #f1 x you #f1 one shot

[tojisbbygworl]

My Wife is a Stoner and a Bitch and it’s Driving Me Crazy - Toji Fushiguro x Black!Reader ~ FFL Series

Summary: Megumi is finally out of the house which means it’s time to spark up. Toji - 33, You - 30, Megumi - 12

Characters: Toji, Megumi, Yuuji, Sukuna, Gojo

Words: 6,215

Tags: 18+, 2nd person, Fluff, Established Relationship, Marijuana, AU-No Curses, SMUTTTT, Car sex, High Sex, Cunnilingus, Toji is Whipped, DILF, Toji is a Good Dad, Soft Toji

Disclaimer: This work is part of a Black!Reader x Toji series I started called Fushiguro Family Life. It's basically a slice of life series with you, Toji and Megumi. None of them are in order and can be read on their own unless stated otherwise.

AO3 Version

My AO3

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

author’s note: So basically the great AO3 DDOS attack of 2023 sent me into a panic and now I’m considering cross posting all my stories. I mayyyy post my other darker Toji stories here but I’m not sure. Probably not.

This is inspired by a reddit post I saw a while ago and couldn’t find again with a similar title. This work is the 1st part of a Drabble series called Fushiguro Family Life (great name Ik shut up). All the stories are cute, fluffy, and/or smutty and will be mostly one shots. A couple may have two chapters. Okay I’m done talking now. Enjoy!!!🩵

Toji was very excited to get back home tonight.

He had just dropped off Megumi at his best friend Itadori Yuuji's house. The kid's birthday was tomorrow and he practically begged Megumi to come to his sleepover. Megumi was a quiet and introverted kid who liked being alone. It's hard to get him out of his shell which makes Toji wonder how the hell those two even became friends in the first place. When Toji overheard Yuuji pleading for Megumi to spend the night while they were playing in his room, he knew he had to get Megumi to go. He loved the kid but God, Megumi was home way too often. Yes, he was only 12, but he had ample opportunity to leave the house. Megumi never joins his friends in walking to the DQ by their middle school after school lets out for the day. He never wants to carpool with Yuuji and Nobara to the nearby high school's games where Yuuji's older brother Sukuna is the football captain. He doesn't go to the fair when it's in town, or Six Flags on the weekends. He would much rather stay at home and have his friends come over. Which means Toji has to constantly deal with at least 3 little shits fucking up his house. It's a situation that's less than ideal.

Megumi has a habit of asking Toji or his stepmother to say no to the prospect of him going out because he doesn't want to hurt his friends' feelings. Sometimes he would come into their room and hold up his phone while it's on speaker. Usually either Yuuji or Nobara will be asking if he could go somewhere and Megumi would be mouthing 'NO' and shaking his head. Toji would repeat the word aloud and that would be the end of that. Well, not this time.

When Yuuji asked Megumi to come to the sleepover, Toji quickly jumped into action. He hopped, skipped, and jumped over to his room where he pretended to be on his phone waiting for Megumi and Yuuji to come through the door. When they did, he looked up.

"What?"

"Mr. Fushiguro, can Megumi come to my sleepover next week? It's gonna be the day before my birthday." Yuuji asks, slightly melancholy from expecting a firm 'no' like usual. Megumi was standing behind him, his face completely relaxed. By this point, his parents should know how this works. A friend asks if Megumi can do something and they say...

"Sure thing."

Megumi's eyes burst wide open while his friend jumps for joy. Yuuji immediately turns around and hugs his best friend who is still frozen in shock and staring bug-eyed at his father. Toji is grinning cheekily. Yuuji starts to guide them away from his room and Megumi takes two of his fingers, points them at his eyes then points them right back at Toji. The door shuts.

Toji immediately texted you, his lovely wife, about the great news.

babe guess what

Wifey

what

i hope u ready to have the house to ourselves next week

Wifey

???

sir what are u talking abt

the little shit is finally out of the house dammit

Wifey

!!!

say on god

on my mom

Wifey

u dont even fuck wit her

i dont fuck with no one but u baby

Wifey

...what abt ur son

what abt him?

Now why are you and Toji celebrating the absence of your amazing son? Well to put it simply, to get high as a fucking kite. You two have never really gotten a good opportunity to do so since you started dating so many years ago and Toji even longer before that. Having a kid put a hold on indulging vices. Not that Toji or you minded, Megumi is a wonderful kid. But before having and gaining custody of Megumi when he was 3, he had always anticipated the days he could sit down and light a blunt again.

The last time you and him had smoked frequently was when you two had started dating. Toji was very fond of you so he strived to see you all the time. His baby mother was willing to watch Megumi while he went on dates with you despite how often they were. And he attempted to impress you with his smoking skills. Unfortunately, it had been a long time since the last time he smoked and on the 4th date he ran out of weed and backwoods. Imagine his surprise when he pulled up to your house and you pulled out an airtight jar that was packed full.

"What-what the hell is that?" He exclaimed.

You looked at him with a concerned face, wondering what had gotten him so shook. "Huh? It's Bubba Kush." Toji had never even heard that strain before.

He proceeded to watch you roll the most beautiful blunt he had ever seen in his entire life. You took two large hits and handed it to him. All he could do was look at you. You thought he was cute, but he was taking too long to take it from you. You scrunched up your face and shook your hand. "Take the shit before it goes out, stupid!"

He was smitten.

When he asked you to move in is when the smoking sessions came to an abrupt stop. Something that you completely understood. Megumi was 6 at the time. He was still a pretty young kid so you or Toji always had to be around. And you were. And you both raised a great kid together. And when he finally reached the age of 11, you both thought he would be leaving the house much more frequently like other kids his age were doing. This is when they start going home on the bus together and hanging out at arcades or small restaurants. How could you have known that Megumi would grow an attachment to his parents and never want to leave the house? How would you know that he enjoyed spending time with his dad and stepmom? What preteen likes hanging out with his parents?

Now as it stands, it had been pretty much 8 months since the last time you and Toji smoked and he was tired of it. He prides himself on successfully hiding weed from his son, but if the only thing holding him back was because his son never fucking left the house, then something had to change. This would be the start of many 'yeses' to come.

The day came and you were coming home from work when Toji dropped Megumi off at Yuuji's. Megumi had let his displeasure with the situation be known all week and he was still irritated while Toji drove.

"You know I like being at home."

"Yeah. You're a damn hermit and the shit is weird."

"You're weird."

"I'm not the one who likes hanging out with his parents."

"That's only because grandma and grandpa suck. Your whole family sucks. Mom and Y/N's families are cool."

"What, so you're saying I'm cool? Is that why you like hanging out with me?"

"So you want me to think you're lame?"

How could Toji answer that truthfully without explaining why? "No, I just want you to hang out with your friends. They really like you. Even if you are a loser."

"You're the loser!"

This bickering continued until Toji finally pulled up to the Itadori household. He almost had to force Megumi out of the car and practically pulled him to the front door where he rang the bell. Itadori Sukuna answered and Toji scowled down at him. He didn't like the 17 year-old asshole.

Sukuna looked down at Megumi and grinned. "Hey, my little brother's emo friend arrived. He won't shut up about how your dad finally let you out of the house for once. What changed, Mr. Fushiguro? Huh?" He raised his brow while his smile grew. Toji's face remained stoic although he was starting to get ticked. He tapped his finger against his thigh.

"Just let the kid inside. I don't have time for your nonsense." Sukuna obliged and moved to the side so Megumi could enter the house. The kid turned and waved at his dad before getting jumped by Yuuji and Nobara.

Toji would have chuckled at the scene if it wasn't for Sukuna straining his neck to look past him. Toji realized he was trying to look into his car. "What, do you want a kiss or some shit?" He teased. He raised a bag that had Yuuji's present and put it to his chest. "Here if that's what you're looking for."

Sukuna's face didn't falter. "Y/N couldn't deliver it herself? That's a shame. It's always nice to see her."

Toji scowled. He doesn't know when, but you had become the designated gift giver at some point over the years. Every gift from the Fushiguro household was from you. You made it or bought it with your own money and always delivered it yourself. Toji hated it for this exact reason. He knew this little shit Sukuna had a crush on you. And you just thought it was the most adorable thing in the world as if he wasn't almost a grown man. You would never go for him so it was hilarious, but Sukuna didn't see it that way. He genuinely believes he has a chance of taking you away from Toji and it fuels his already massive ego.

"No. She told me she's tired of you always trying to flirt with her, so I'm gonna be the delivery boy from now on. So get used to it." He lied. Sukuna called his bluff and laughed heartily.

"Yeah alright. Just tell her I missed her today and that I can't wait to see her at the championship game. I'm assuming she's finally taken that stick out of your ass so you can let Megumi go to my games now."

"I'm not gonna tell her shit. You stay the hell away from my wife, delinquent." Toji spat at him through gritted teeth. He turned and walked away before he could respond, but of course, the teenager just laughed and shut the door. Toji was still fuming when he got back in the car, but then he remembered what awaits him at home and he relaxed.

im omw babe

Wifey

okay bby. i just got home

hungry?

Wifey

always

let's go get sum to eat

Wifey

what we getting

idk

Wifey

well figure it out

maybe

You don't respond, most likely trying to figure out what you want to eat. You still hadn't decided on what to eat when Toji pulled back up to the house. You came outside and got in the car. You got out of your work clothes and put on something comfy and casual. You had on a white graphic tee that you cut into a crop top and black cotton shorts. Your gold anklet accentuated your pink crocs and your bleached locs were in a high ponytail. All you brought was your phone and house keys. Toji sped back off when you entered and didn't give you time to adjust causing you to lose your balance and fall back against the door.

"Um, excuse you?" You exclaimed. Toji put his hand on your thigh.

"Sorry babe. I didn't mean to." he said while trying to hold back his laughter. You glared at him.

"Stop laughing." He let out a snort.

"I wasn't laughing at you, baby."

"You just did, liar." You finally put on your seatbelt and sat back. Toji's hand still didn't leave your leg while he drove to your designated smoking spot. As much as you two would love to smoke at home, you didn't want your house to reek and the neighbors were nosy assholes.

You put on your favorite music during the drive. Toji loved listening to your playlist. You always managed to surprise him with the raunchiest and most explicit songs you could possibly think to put on. Every time he thinks he’s heard them all, you have a new one to show him, such as the one that was playing now.

Boy this pussy talk,

English, Spanish, and French

Boy this pussy talk,

Euros, Dollars, and Yens

He kind of recognized the voice. This was that group you really like called City Girls. You’ve played their songs a couple times before. He might have to add this one to his playlist, though. They’re really riding the beat.

You lift your head up when Toji stops the car. He rolls the front windows down a bit and turns it off. You reach into the glove box to get all the materials, the grinder, the papers, the rolling tray and, of course, the weed itself. Toji watches you intently as you work your magic.

He doesn’t just stare at your hands as it breaks the buds apart and stuff them into the grinder, he also looks at your face, your hair, your jewelry, and your body. You were such a beautiful woman.

”You could really be unwrapping the woods and dumping out the tobacco but you wanna sit there and look at me like you stupid.”

And you were such a bitch. Not that he was complaining.

~

When you and Toji met, it was his day off and he wanted to spend it working out. Most people don't really choose to spend the day at work, Toji didn't really have a choice in this case. Plus, he owned the place, so he could really do whatever he wanted.

You walked into the gym just as he was finishing his last set. He was all sweaty and gross and you looked really cute with your locs in pigtails. You had on a matching gray set that he's seen on a number of girls. It never looked this good on any of them, though. He prides himself on not being a creep, but he stole plenty of glances at you when you were checking in. Your butt looked really, really good. It was when you had walked into the women's locker room when he realized he hadn't taken his eyes off of it. He blinked, then looked to his left to see Gojo Satoru smirking at him.

"You're such a weirdo." He joked.

"Fuck off." Toji had the smallest blush on his face and he grimaced in embarrassment. He really hadn't meant to be checking you out, but he couldn't help it. You were pretty.

It took you only a couple of minutes to come out of the locker room with nothing but a water bottle and Airpods. Toji wasn't paying attention as he had refocused on finishing his workout, but you caught his eye again when he turned around to leave. You were punching in settings on the treadmill.

Toji paused with his towel and water in his hand and deliberated what his next moves should be. He was tired, wet, and smelled gross. He had been here since he dropped Megumi off at daycare and he wanted to spend some time relaxing at home before he had to get the little menace. But then you started speed walking and your boobs were bouncing so nicely that he just had to get on the treadmill next to you.

Toji is no better than every other man.

He successfully ignored the look that Gojo had thrown at him before unsuccessfully pulling off a casual walk over to where you were. Toji purposefully walks into your line of sight, sweating inwardly knowing that he caught your eye. You look away when he gets on the treadmill right next to yours. He gives you a nod and a smile expecting a small one back. Instead, the aloof look on your face remains and you look him up and down. Then you go right back to speed walking.

He blinked. Okay, he wasn’t expecting that. Maybe he was coming on too strong by choosing the treadmill next to you. It’s too late now. He punches in the same stats on your treadmill and starts walking as well. He’s taking glances at you but you don’t look over to him even once. Or maybe you’re looking when he’s not looking. From how annoyed your face is, he doubts it.

After a couple minutes, you increase your speed to a jog. Toji decides to play a little game for your attention, and does the same, ending on the exact same speed you’re on. He can’t tell if you notice, but it doesn’t matter to him one bit. He could do this for ages.

Every time you increase your speed, he does the same, and Toji knows he’s gotten you when you increase it significantly and you’re full on running. He’s impressed that you’ve gone this long, but he’s gone longer. He follows suit, as expected. And that's when you give him a glare. And it only gets more sinister when you see the cheeky grin on his face. You turn up the setting to the point where you’re full on sprinting. Toji, and some onlookers, has never seen a woman more determined to outperform a man in his life. And he’s had his fair share of lovers. And despite the deeply confused and slightly frightened look on his face, he's having a lot of fun.

And your reaction to him keeping up with your very impressive speed was worth the strain on his body. You press the stop button on the machine slowing you down to the perfect yet quick stop. You stare at him with your hands on your hips. He smiles and does the same. You’re both staring each other down.

“Yes ma’am?” he grins.

“You think you’re cute?” You say, panting heavily.

“No. I think you’re cute.” He responds, smoothly. You jerk your head back and blink.

“Hmph. Well I don’t.”

“How could you not think you’re cute?”

You roll your eyes. “You know what the fuck I meant.” You grab your water and start to walk away. Toji, even though he doesn’t want to look desperate, follows you. You head to the paper towel dispenser and begin to wipe away your sweat, Toji standing behind you ready with the excuse that he needed the paper towels too. You were very frustrated, so you were punching the dispense switch very aggressively.

Toji couldn’t help himself. “I thought I was the one who pissed you off. Don’t take it out on my dispensers. I’ll have to replace them.”

You paused for a second, then turned to look at him. “...You own this gym?” He nods. “Oh hell no. This is the last time you’ll see me here.”

Toji grabs his heart. “You’re breaking my heart, miss…?” He lets the sentence linger so you can finish it for him.

But instead you almost look offended. You really are cute. “I’m not giving you my name!”

He grabs his heart with his other hand and pretends to stumble back. “Agh! You’re breaking it even more.” He leans his hand on the wall and holds himself up, then looks at you smiling. He managed to catch the end of a slight laugh that escaped you. You cover your mouth, but it’s too late. Toji knows he’ll see you again.

And he does the week after while sitting at the receptionist desk filling out some paperwork. Just when he was starting to think you weren’t joking, you walk right in with your Airpods and duffel bag wearing a different matching set, but it looks just as good on you. He puts on a huge grin and watches your face fall as you walk up to him.

“Good morning, are you sign-”

“Getting on the treadmill again today, sweetheart?” He rudely interrupts his employee, who just rolls her eyes and goes to the back room to get on her phone.

“I don’t know who the hell ‘sweetheart’ is, but I’m not her." Ah. And you brought your attitude with you as well. More fun for him.

“Me neither. Maybe if I knew her name, I wouldn’t have to call her that.” He smiles widely.

“Well I hope you figure it out one day.”

“Oh, I’m about to right now.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah.”

“How?”

“She has to give me her name to sign her in. That’s how.” He got you looking stuck and somewhat embarrassed. And that fuck ass smile has not left his face.

“Oh, shut the fuck up…” Your eyes shift downwards slightly and you meet his gaze again. “Toji.” You tell him your name afterwards and he signs you into the computer.

“Have a good workout…sweetheart.” He immediately lets out a boisterous laughter seeing the daggers your eyes are shooting at him and he makes it his life mission to annoy you until you say yes to a date and annoy everyday afterwards.

~

And he has. So, how can he complain about his wife being a bitch when he chose you because of it?

He does what you request, and hands you the leaf so you can finish rolling. Watching you bring it to your lips and start to slick the wood down with your tongue was always a spectacle. Not just because it look cool, but because he never failed to joke about it. “Why can’t you do that to my wood?”

You rolled your eyes. “Not this shit again.” The both of you stared at the flame from your lighter while you used it to seal the leaf. “Are you always gonna make that joke?”

Toji grinned stupidly. “Yes.” You tried, but failed to hold your laughter.

”I hate you, babe,” you giggled. Toji laughed with you and the both of you proceeded to get super duper high.

You guys were halfway through it and you were in the midst of discussing the new drama in your girlfriend group chat when he interrupted you. “Hey. Hey. Hey-“

”What? You see I’m not done talking.”

Toji pauses and just stares at you, making you even more irritated. “Man, what?”

”Let’s have sex.”

You looked at him like he was crazy then shifted your gaze to his crotch. There, in all of its glory, was a tent in his pants. Typical. He always does this. He becomes very talkative when he’s high, so whenever he goes quiet, you knew something was up.

Toji was staring you down ever since he took the first hit. He looked at your breasts and smirked upon seeing your nipples poking through your shirt. He saw how smooth your neck looked and thought abt how nice it feels to sink his teeth into it. The sounds you make are absolutely gorgeous.

Then he stared at your hair. It was so soft and pretty. The blonde was extremely cute, but he liked them the most when they were ginger. He thinks the color is called Cajun Spice or something like that. It matched well with your skin tone.

At some point while you were talking he put his hands on your thigh and started stroking it with his thumb. You didn’t notice, you subconsciously put your hand on top of his grabbing his fingers. The action filled his heart with warmth, smiling at you while relaxing his head on the seat. Just listening to you talk.

Okay, maybe he wasn’t listening. He was imagining how loud you would be if he opened up your door and bent you over the passenger seat. Hm, that sounds like a really good idea.

You look back into his eyes after seeing how hard his dick had gotten and you couldn’t help but smirk. You were clearly trying to keep your smile down, but it wasn’t working. “So you’re not hungry?”

”I am. For something else.”

“…You’ve charmed me,” you say, making Toji laugh.

”Oh, I have?” He takes off his seat belt.

”Yeah, you have.” You say, following suit.

”Then come here.” Toji grabs you as soon as your seatbelt snaps back, pulling you over the center console to kiss you passionately. It’s kind of uncomfortable for you, you have to kneel onto the seats from the way he pulled you over. You would have said something about it, but you were already so wet and he was grabbing you so tightly that the thought left your head.

Toji was moaning in your mouth so much you could feel it vibrate through your body. You could tell he was really getting into it from the way he shifted himself forward to grab your ass and thigh. He decides that he’s had enough. He needs you now. “Take off your shorts.” He opens up his door to come to your side of the car. You can feel yourself becoming giddy while slipping off your bottoms and shoes.

When Toji opens up your door, he sees you in all of your glory. You were bare from the waist down. Your legs are so shapely and smooth, they look beautiful in the moonlight. So were your perfect thighs that he desperately wanted to grasp and never let go. Your glistening cunt tied the whole thing together. He could only imagine how soaked your panties must have been.

But the best sight was the bright and excited smile that stretched across your lovely face. He was falling in love all over again.

”You look happy,” he teased, kneeling onto the hard ground.

“Speak for yourself.” Toji’s smile was just as wide as yours. He made it very clear that he absolutely adored eating you out. He once described it as his favorite pastime. And he was fucking good at it.

Toji took sometime to rub your legs, leaving kisses leading up to your hot center. You couldn’t take your eyes off him. He savored every single smooch as if it was the last time he would get the chance to kiss you.

He spread your legs the closer he got. The fucker slowed down as well, leaving you to whimper pathetically. He smirked and chuckled at you. You had a mouth on you yet when he made you wet you were like puddy in his hands. He gave you a small, but firm bite, his dick twitching when he hears you hiss.

When Toji finally tasted your sweet center, he moaned. He gave it a small kiss, then tenderly licked it, spreading your lips slightly with his tongue. He looked up at you and saw your head fall backwards along with your eyes rolling into the back of your head. Your mouth refused to close, a sound of satisfied pleasure leaving from it. You were so beautiful.

Toji encloses his mouth around your pussy in an extremely sloppy kiss. His mouth is covered in slick and he finds that he likes it so much that he continues making it sloppier by the second. The little squeaks that you’re making in your throat are really cute, but he wants more. He takes his thumb and begins to rub your clit up and down, making sure to get your wetness all over it. It was effective in making you even louder.

”Oh, shit.” You whine. Toji removes his hand just to replace it with his tongue. “Fuck, baby.” You get even louder and your hips begin to grinding into his mouth. You grab his hair in an attempt to keep him still even though you love what he’s doing. Toji loves it and he goes even harder. “Mm, Toji it feels so good.”

He removes his mouth to suck on his fingers. After he wets them up, he inserts on of his digits into your wet pussy. It goes in with ease. You feel his thick finger enter you and as much as you love it, you want more.

”Put another one in, baby.” Toji smiles and bites his lips.

”Anything you want.” He yields to your request, inserting a second finger and pumping them. That makes you moan even louder.

”Yeah, just like that.” He doesn’t take his eyes away from yours. Yours are lidded but he can still see the want in them. The longer he looks, the more he wants you. His fingers pump you harder and harder and you get louder and louder, all while staring him in the eyes. The familiar feeling of release builds up in your abdomen. Your breathing picks up.

”Oh, Toji…Toji…”

”Yes baby?” He starts to smile at you. Your cunt starts getting wetter. He knew what was about to happen.

”I’m gonna cum,” Your voice is so breathy it’s beautiful.

”Go ahead and cum on my fingers, baby.” You do exactly that. As much as he loved keeping eye contact with you, watching you throw your head back and curse while feeling your cum drip from your pussy onto his seats was a much better alternative. He couldn’t wait any longer.

Toji removed his fingers from you and held them up to your face. You flick your tongue out before wrapping your mouth around it. You look at him while maneuvering your head back and forth sucking them dry. Toji stares down at you smiling.

”God, you’re a slut.” He tells you. You release his fingers with a pop and nod your head, smiling.

”What am I going to do with you?” He takes his shirt off before pulling down his pants and briefs, his thick and throbbing member slapping back onto his stomach. He looked amazing. His face was glistening with cum. You took your time to stare at him and his body. His muscles and abs were on display for anyone who had the misfortune (or let’s be honest, fortune) to pass by with their headlights on. His pants and underwear pooled at his ankles and you can’t help but think about how nice his butt looks right now. Just sitting out in the wind. You giggle.

”What’s funny?” He asks, tugging on his dick preparing to lean over you.

”Your ass probably looks so good right now.”

”Why you wanna bite it?” He holds himself over you and pushes your legs up. You lick your lips.

“A little bit. It’s not like I haven’t done it before.” Toji smirks then kisses you sweetly. Without even warning you, he pushes himself into your pussy refusing to let up from the kiss when your mouth instinctively opens wide. The feeling of Toji sinking into you is euphoric, and it gets even better when he’s fully inserted inside of you. He sighs. The two of you are connected at the hip and it feels just as good as the first time.

Toji looks down at the two of you. Your stomach is so beautiful when your thighs are pressed against it. Your ankles were laying on his shoulder pushing your abdomen down and making you feel full. He can’t stop looking at it as he slowly begins to pull himself out of you. You start to whine desperately, grabbing at his back to keep him inside of you. But Toji slams himself back into you making you practically scream. He starts a steady pace of fucking you into his seats. You sound delicious grunting into his ear with every thrust.

“You like that, don’t you?” Obviously.

“Oh my fucking God, yes.” You respond looking at him. He’s holding your hip with one hand and brings the other behind your head putting his body weight on your elbow. Toji pulls your head up to his to kiss you once more. You swallow each other’s moans and his thrusts become more intense. You scratch at his back leaving new scars amongst his old ones.

“Does my pussy feel good, Toji?” You whisper into his ear. He groans into yours and you clench your cunt around his dick.

“So fucking good, baby girl.” It’s his turn to sound breathless. It tickles your ear.

“Will you moan for me? Will you say my name?” You ask. He nods and begins to whine. He sounds desperate for your pussy, as if it he would die if he stopped fucking you for even one second.

“Ngh…(Y/N), I fucking love this pussy.” He whimpers. He sounds so hot, you can feel your release coming soon.

“I know you do baby.” You taunt. Toji weakly lifts his hand from your hip and it crawls up your torso between your breasts to grip your neck. You can’t talk and your head remains still. Toji’s breath is hot on your cheek while he turns his head.

“You’re a dirty fucking bitch you know that?” He tells you. Toji thrusts into you one more time and stops. You look at him in desperation while he pulls himself out of you. “Open your mouth.” As soon as you do, he drools onto your tongue then leans down to make out with it. It ends with your tongue being sucked into his mouth.

“Turn around, bitch.” He commands. You twirl around and hike your ass into the air, twerking a little bit while smiling at him. He grins and slaps your cheek hard. Then, Toji lines himself up with your pussy once more, and pushes himself into you from behind.

He can’t even hear how amazing you sound, he’s so focused on how wet you are. He tilts his head back wards and groans. “Oh, shit.” He begins to fuck you from the back, getting even more excited seeing your ass clap on his stomach.

He holds onto your hips as if it’s a lifeline. At some point, you turn to look back at him and you look so fucking slutty it’s not even funny. Toji can’t help himself when he reaches for your hair then yanks your upper body towards him, causing you to arch your back. He reaches over to grab one of your tits knowing that they probably looked amazing bouncing from him fucking the shit out of you.

You’re loud and spewing curses, but so is Toji. He can feel your pussy clenching around him again. “You’re about to cum again, aren’t you?” All you can do is nod too busy screaming his name. “Then cum on my dick, baby. Come on.”

“Okay daddy.” Toji smacked your ass again.

“Fuck, say that again.”

“Okay, daddy.” You say while releasing on his member, leaving a white ring of cream around his base. Toji pushes himself down onto you grabbing his seats and ramming himself into your pussy. You’re already slumped, not even trying to lift your head up and just letting your cheek squish into the chair. Your moans are quick and desperate. Hoping that it never ends. But from the speed at which Toji thrusts inside of you, his breath picking up and his moans becoming more wild and loose, you knew it would end soon.

“I’m gonna cum, baby girl. Where do you want it?”

You gather enough strength to tell him, “On my face, Toji. Please cum on my face.”

Oh, he was so glad you said that. He fucks you for a little while longer before ripping himself from you. You immediately turn around and kneel down, face lined up right underneath his balls. Toji pumps his dick and looks at you staring up at him in anticipation. You look so fucking beautiful, he releases a guttural and intense moan while his thick, white seed spills all over your face. You accept it gracefully, then when he’s done you lick the remaining cum from his dick. He shudders.

“Damn, babe.” He laughs. “You’ve never looked prettier.”

You would bat your eyes if he didn’t cum on one of them, so you opt to giggle and pose cutely. “You should take a picture.” You joke.

Well, he takes it seriously. Toji pulls up his pants and underwear to find his phone, snatching it up and snapping as many pics of you as he can. You go along with it and actually start to pose while his semen drops down your face and onto your body, mainly your tits. He makes sure to take a picture of that too.

“Yeah, this is going in the vault.” He puts his phone away, gets the paper towel roll he keeps in his car for this very reason and wipes your face for you. When you’re all clean you look so fucking gorgeous he can’t help but to kiss both of your cheeks.

“What was that for?” You ask, pulling your shirt down and putting on your shorts.

Toji shrugs. “I love you. So much.”

You give him a slight glare and his stupid smile falls. “What?”

“You just saying that because I let you cum on my face.” Toji feigns offense and dramatically puts his hand to his chest and scoffs and gasps.

“How dare you. I love you for you are AND you let me cum on your face.” He says. You roll your eyes.

“Take us home so you can do it again, loser." You slam the door shut and start to light the unfinished blunt once more.

Toji looks at you through the window and can’t help but stare in absolute infatuation. You really are perfect for him.

“Can you come the fuck on?” You open the door to shout at him.

“Yes, baby.”

ending a/n: I started this series to take a break every once in a while from all the angst I write, lmao. I have quite a few story ideas, but none of them are fully written just yet. Be sure to check back for the next installment in the series🩵🩵🩵

Pics are from Pinterest btw

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#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #toji zenin #toji fushiguro #toji x reader #toji fushiguro x reader #dilf toji #toji drabbles #black reader #toji x black reader #toji fushiguro x black reader #toji x reader smut #Toji x black reader smut

[crljhnn]

Gareths totally real girlfriend

Pairing: Gareth Emerson x fem!Reader

Summary: Gareth and you are in a long-distance relationship, meeting for the first time since getting together. While he is excited, his friends doubt whether you are real or not.

No physical description; No use of y/n

Word count: 2k

Warnings: None really, just a bit of making out but no actual smut

[Also posted on AO3 - pseud: 04814]

“Ohh Gareth is blushing!” “Aww are you talking to your girlfriend again?” “He is in love” his younger sisters are giggling, dancing around Gareth who is currently sitting on the kitchen counter, telephone in hand.

“He just can’t help himself, she is just so pretty!” “And smart” “and talented” with high-pitched voices they are mocking the way their older brother is regularly fawning over you, while overly batting their eyelashes.

“They are growing up so fast!” His oldest sister is dramatically wiping away fake tears.

“You’re literally five years younger than me, what do you mean?”

“Actually I’m only four and a half years younger than you, so you’re wrong!”

Gareth is about to tell her that that is basically the same when he gets distracted by your laugh coming through the phone. “I can’t wait to finally meet your sisters!”

He grins “Ohh so that is the real reason why you finally decided to come and visit me. I can’t believe it, my dearest girlfriend is only dating me because of my siblings.”

“Don’t be silly!” He can hear the grin in your voice “We both know that it’s actually your hair that wooed me, but I guess your personality and you as a person in general are alright as well.”

“Haha very funny. I think you guys meeting will probably be the death of me.”

“What a great way to die.” those are the last words his youngest sister says before she grabs the older one and pulls her out of the room.

Gareth and you met at a concert a few months ago and instantly hit it off. After finding out that you both drove about two hours to the concert, coming from opposite directions, you exchanged numbers and promised each other to at least call every once in a while. Planning to attend the next good concert, that’s somewhat nearby, together.

Well, looking back on it now you might have overdone the whole staying in touch thing a little bit, not that you’re complaining! You and Gareth had great chemistry from the start and easily spent multiple hours talking on the phone every day. Considering that, and the way you both have been quite smiley ever since coming back from the concert, none of your family members were surprised when you announced your relationship.

You both have been itching to meet in person again, which is why you decided that the first longer trip you are gonna make with your first own car that you just got for your eighteenth birthday, is going to be to Hawkins. Gareth was over the moon, hearing this news, having himself begged his mom at least a thousand times to let him borrow her car over the weekend, to make his way over to your city.

“It’s getting late, I think I should head to bed, after all, I have a long drive planned tomorrow.”

It’s Thursday afternoon right now, tomorrow around this time you are gonna be lying in your boyfriend's arms. You already have everything packed and safely stored in your trunk, planning to drive over directly after school in hopes of arriving during the early evening.

“Okay, I’m really looking forward to tomorrow. Please drive safely, good night sweetheart.”

“Good night babes, see you tomorrow.”

He nearly has a heart attack when he hears his sister speaking up next to him “Aww he called her sweetheart, how adorable.” She giggles.

“Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

“Shouldn’t you be taller?”

—

The next day Gareth is up nearly an hour earlier than normal, being way too excited to even think straight. His giddiness follows him through the day confusing the Hellfire guys immensely. This is not how he normally responded to being at school.

“Okay, what’s up with you?” Eddie is the one to finally break the silence when they are all sitting at their lunch table “You’ve been acting weird all day!”

“Oh my girlfrie-” he is not able to finish his sentence before he gets interrupted by Jeff “Ohhh your totally real girlfriend that coincidentally lives super far away.” The boys laugh “You know we are all single, no need to make up lies to-” one of the other Hellfire boys speaks up just to end up getting interrupted as well. And that by no other than one of the freshmen “Not all of us are single, we’re not!”.

Damn.

“Well,” Gareth, being fed up with his friends not believing that he could possibly be in a relationship, abruptly stands up “Actually, she is visiting this weekend so if you come over you can finally meet my in fact very real girlfriend.” With that he storms out of the cafeteria, leaving his tray behind for the others to clean up.

—

His angry mood doesn’t stick, but his good mood doesn't return either. Is it really so unlikely for him to have a girlfriend? Is it so unrealistic that a girl could be attracted to him? He always thought that you were out of his league, but before now it never worried him or made him feel insecure. Quite the opposite actually, he was always proud that he was able to score a girl like you.

But what if you remembered him in an idealized kind of way? Would you be disappointed after seeing him in the flesh again? Would it be awkward? What if you decided that he wasn’t what you expected and just broke up with him?

His spiraling was interrupted when his house came into view, with a car parked in front of it, which exactly matched the description you had excitedly given him a few days ago talking about your newest possession. Is he starting to imagine things now? You shouldn’t be arriving until way later in the day.

When he opens the front door he is greeted with the view of you and his mom, giggling and drinking tea at the kitchen table, something suspiciously looking like a photo album lying in front of you. The noise of the closing door notifies both of you of his presence making you simultaneously look up.

“Hi”

He is still frozen at the door. You stand up, cross the room and meet him at the door, embracing him in a hug as soon as he is within reachable distance. Coming back to earth he quickly returns it.

“Hey”

“You’re early.” It comes out more like a statement than a question. His tone made you fear that you crossed a boundary or upset him, slightly pulling back from the hug to look at his face “Yes, is that okay?”

“YES! Sorry! I mean yeah that’s totally cool, I’m just surprised. How did you get here so early?”

You grin sheepishly “I might or might not have skipped school today. But I wouldn't have been able to focus either way because I was way too excited” you reason.

“You’re lucky that it was my day off today or you would be sitting on the porch right now” his mother's amused tone pulled you out of your little daze, finally completely pulling out of the hug “I probably should be concerned about you being a bad influence on my son by skipping school, but it looks like he himself isn’t really taking his attendance that serious either.”

Shit.

“However,” you and Gareth share a slightly anxious look “I'm gonna make an exception and let that slide today, but don't make skipping a habit. We don't want your academics to suffer, right?” Gareth groans, mumbling something about her embarrassing him under his breath.

You on the other side let out a breath you didn't knew you were holding in. You didn’t even think twice about what impression you would leave, when you show up for the first time meeting your boyfriend's mom, proudly proclaiming that you just skipped school.

She grabs her bag and turns to you. “I'm going grocery shopping, anything I should bring honey?” You both simultaneously shake your head. “I wasn't talking to you Gareth, you just skipped school, I may not punish you, but I’m sure as hell aren’t rewarding you either!”

“But she skipped too, why are you asking her then?”

Geez thanks.

“Well SHE is not my child to raise and SHE is also a guest, if you excuse me now, I want to be at the shop before all the good fruits and vegetables are gone.” With that the door closes behind her, resulting in you two being alone now.

“Hi” 'Wow smart thing to say, if she doesn’t already think that you are a total loser she sure does now.'

Instead of laughing at him as he expected, you smile.

“Hi! Wanna show me your room?”

—

Back at Hawkins High, the Hellfire Club is still sitting at their table.

“Wasn’t that a bit much? He seemed genuinely hurt.” Dustin, always the sweetheart, speaks up. “Yeah, I feel bad now too” agreement follows from the others.

“Do you really think that his girlfriend isn’t real?” Mike asks Eddie

“I mean I was suspicious before, but this kind of sold the deal, right? If he had a girlfriend, why would he react like that?” The others nod at their ‘leaders‘ reasoning.

Dustin decides to speak up again in hopes of making them see the said things from Gareth's perspective “I mean you sort of implied that it's extremely unlikely for a woman to want him”

Eddie looks offended “Come on now, that’s not what I said or meant and you know that.”

“Yeah, I know that, but does Gareth?”

“Okay, you know what, I'm gonna drive over and apologize. Then I'm telling him that it’s no biggy that he lied about having a girlfriend and we will all just forget about it. Yay happy ending, driving into the sunset together with our hair flowing in the wind.”

“Fine man, but Im coming with you,” Jeff says “Not the whole sunset thing, but I think I have to apologize too.” And with that, they both make their way to Eddies van to drive over to Gareths.

—

Gareth on the other hand has long forgotten about their ‘fight’ at lunch, being a lot more focused on the way his girlfriends' lips feel. He still can’t believe that he finally has you here, in his house, in his room, in his bed. That he can hug, touch and kiss you. He slowly pushes you down, laying part of his body weight on you to get closer, while your hands find their way under his shirt.

—

Eddie and Jeff have now arrived at their destination, ringing the doorbell a few times.

Nothing.

“He must still be mad, let's get in through the garage, they never lock it.” Eddie proposes.

—

“There is someone at the door” you break the kiss

“Yeah, I heard.” Gareth only takes a second to respond before instantly chasing your lips again.

“You don’t want to open?”

“Nah, whoever it is is gonna survive, I have more important matters to attend to.” You giggle, making your boyfriend aware of how smitten he is again.

—

The two boys have successfully entered the house and are now walking up the stairs, Eddie already talking the apology, that he and Jeff came up with on their way here, through in his head, being so deep in thought, he doesn’t even consider knocking before he opens the door, well more like slams the door open.

The first thing he hears is a shriek that sounds suspiciously like it came from a girl. The next sound is clearly Gareths voice.

“What the fuck dude, ever heard of knocking? Get the fuck out!” With that, he is pushed out of the room by a shirtless Gareth. Neither he nor Jeff has a chance to say anything before Gareth is slamming the door in their faces.

“Damn, maybe he wasn’t lying.”

“Good for him, good for him.”

#gareth emerson x reader #gareth emerson #gareth emerson x y/n #gareth emerson x you #gareth the great #gareth stranger things #fem!reader #stranger things #fluff #established relationship #oneshot #x reader #fanfic #gareth has two younger sisters because I said so #no use of y/n

[tamtamandtim]

Season 3 of Moominvalley (2019) Once again is banger after banger and has honestly become a show that I’ll definitely rewatch again!! (Especially since I now have someone to watch it with!!) P.S THIS IS PROBABLY GONNA BE A PART ONE BECAUSE IM ✨TIRED✨

To be honest I think Jack Rowan as the new voice of Moomintroll is honestly a pretty great choice, he sounds like he took time and grew into himself. With a nice hint of Moominpapa in his tonality (especially when being dramatic) but still is relatively soft spoken and mixes well with the rest of the cast.

God Episode 3 got me in the guts too, seriously what is it with this show and knowing just where to attack me. Little My’s struggle with feeling like one of the family, especially with her father figure is. Once again very relatable considering so when Moominpapa said he loved her, my heart warmed up so much because goddamn I wAnT tHaT…. And seeing the family growing closer together is always a delight!

Stinky going around saying ‘pinch, grab, take, steal’ over and over is so goofy and that Moominmama has/had a bad girl streak feels so appropriate for her. We love a badass, good mama.

I’m honestly shocked that Moomin didn’t immediately go to Snufkin when it came to taking toffle home p.s my partner literally was like

“ah there’s ya boyfriend” (he hasn’t fully watched the show he’s just watching with me now)

I was so hyped for the lonely mountain episode and honestly it was pretty darn great and fruity with just the right amount of pinning!!

“Your wetter than a fishes flannel”

Lil Ma’am w h a t. We lost our minds to that

Jesus Moomin found him so fast like I know Snufkin said where he was staying but like GODDMAN THERE WERE SO MANY MOUNTIANS. I also love how Snufkin immediately was like ‘alrighty let’s warm you up dear ^-^ ‘ and then immediately got overwhelmed. Once again completely understandable, especially since my partner had just moved in the week before we started watching it so we’re learning to co-exist and I’m so glad the Moomin parents were there to save the boys and the possible confession of Snufkin In which way? Who’s to say.

I’ve very much enjoyed this season and I’m super hype for what they have planned next!! I’ll probably post part two tomorrow sometime!! (Also how is this style of formatting?? Please let me know!!) but thank you very much for reading this!! Have a lovely day/night/time!!

#snufkin #moomins #little my #moominvalley #snufkin moomin #moomin valley #moomintroll #moominvalley 2019 #snufmin #moominmama #moominpapa #the moomins #springdove

[amethystfairy1]

hiya it’s been a hot minute since I sent an ask but I want you to know that I’ve been reading all your stuff for months now, refreshing multiple times a day bc I can’t get enough and I adore everything you write <3<3<3 I think your more recent writing with the darker themes is well done, it adds the perfect amount of angst and stakes to the story, more than vague threats of getting hurt, esp in the under city, but it’s not too much at the same time. Also your newest TT treebark is probs my favorite fic thus far, and treebark isn’t even my favorite ship lmao. It’s so arghhh yesss with Rens acting but Martyn can’t tell nooooo 😭 I REALLY want to know what Ren was thinking that whole time negotiating with the bandits, esp when he finally looked at Martyn bc he could probably hear his cries the whole time and UGH it breaks my heart in a good way. AND MARTYN ACCEPTING THAT REN WOULD DO THIS, AND FORGIVING HIM????? The angst, the FEELS. Stunning. A masterpiece. I start my days checking to see if you’ve posted I’m so obsessed XD. Might have to draw the scene… anyhow. I see you get a lot of requests to write certain ships now bc all the stories r so captivating we just HAVE to know more. But. I hope you don’t feel pressured or stressed about it, make sure to prioritize your own wants first. The quality is worth the wait <3 that said, I’m going insane over Martyn. oH also!!! Ren grabbing the wolf pendant!!!!!! He knows how much it means to Martyn my HEART they’re so AAAaAAaAaaaaA!! And he waited until he was between Martyn and the bandits to attack! To protect him! 🥺🥺🥺 the little details are so sweet I’m dying to know rens thoughts. He probably has the rage of a thousand suns in him after seeing Martyn tied up, hurt, crying, bc they would DARE lay a finger on the only one who protected him, who was nice to him. Just. Tomorrow can’t come fast enough. I’m def gonna draw this. Also side note love the new pfp

Hello!!!! Good to see you!!!!

I'm so glad you're still reading and enjoying my works!

Also very happy to hear you're enjoying the darker themes that have been coming up recently in both TTSBC and TT! You're exactly right, that's exactly the sort of thing I was trying to nail...oh yeah ANGST with Treebark right now!

I mean. If you feel inspired. I would LOVE if you drew this scene. Because like, I have that art you did of Ren asleep on Martyn's shoulder as the cover image to my Treebark fanfic doc 🥹

Thank youuuu I appreciate the thought about not feeling pressured or stressed, I promise I'm not! I know everyone is just excited for their favorite/most compelling storyline to continue! And like I've said elsewhere, I plan to stick to my mantra...when I try to write something I'm not in the mood to write, I burn out and don't feel like writing at all. That's what happened to me the last time I stopped writing, and I didn't post at all for nearly a year. I HATED THAT. So TTSBC and TT is the perfect situation for me! Lots of ships, lots of characters, lots of dynamics, and between the two I can write BASICALLY anything I feel like at any point in time! So yeah! I'll write what I feel like writing in the moment, because that's always when I come up with my best stuff!

THE WOLFS PENDANT YUP GOOD CATCH. Ren's a good guy, he pays attention to that sort of thing 💖

I'm glad you like my new pfp!!! I love it! It's by my same friend who drew my old pfp, but THIS one is of an original character of mine everyone who reads TTSBC is very familiar with and people very scared of, but I assure you, any resemblance to characters previously mentioned is purely coincidental, hypotheticals should be, should be, should be dismissed, and there is no need to be concerned. 😉

Thank you for coming by again!!!

#fanfic #ao3 fanfic #amethyst rambles #traveling thieves au #treebark

[mioyeo]

Watch your back : chapter 2

Once you don’t value what you have someone else learns how to take care of what used to be yours

Synopsis : 8 men supposed to give her all the love they promised end up leaving her behind without a valid reason

Pairing : girlfriend Reader x PolyAteez !

Warnings : this chapter contains mentions of, mean Seonghwa, broken arm , poor behavior, a lot of crying , being stood up, yelling , mad Mingi , broken promises , San showing no remorse, making out special gifs being ripped , etc Please reminding me if I forgot something

This series is going to be posted together with the Psychiatric series, which means one chapter after another

Tag list : @legbouk , @scarfac3 , @m4rsluv , @hcyaa , @jackinmyarea , @layzfeelit , @loverlele , @wisejudgedragonhairdo , @mulletjoonsupremacy , @veneziamadness

Word count: 2,1k

She tiredly stood up from the couch and went upstairs into her own room but someone was already in there

" Why are you in my room going through my sneakers for ? "

The girl rubbed her eyes to get a clearer view

" I wanted to borrow one pair but you where sleeping and I didn't want to disturb you "

" Well I'm awake now so you can put them down , you have your own shoes besides my shoes probably don’t fit you "

" No , they fit me perfectly, I'll just take these here and return them after tomorrow "

She just took Y/n's green Adidas and started walking out but was held back

" Wooyoung bought me these shoes for valentines I don't want you using them "

" Don't be selfish they are just a pair of shoes "

" They are not just some pair of shoes, my boyfriend gave them to me on valentine's a day where a partner dedicates their love to their significant other either way "

She said smiling trying to get her shoes back but Rin would just not let go off them

" Just let go off the shoes, I will return them to you after tomorrow ! "

" But I told you these were a gift ! "

Both pulled on the pair of shoes

" Please let go their gonna rip apart! "

Y/n screamed as Rin tugged harder, the next thing that was heard was a loud thud,  Y/n falling back with a huge force hitting her arm hard on the ground making her instantly cry out in pain

" Yo-ou should've just let me borrow! "

Rin got up rubbing her shoulder that seemed sore after falling  backwards

" Y-You ripped my shoes "

She looked at the four parts that have been ripped apart from her shoes that laid in front of her , the sight made her choke on her tears

" What is wrong here , Rin what happened? "

San came in and hurried towards the other girl that held her shoulder

" I asked her if I could borrow her shoes and than she attacked me "

She sobbed making Y/n widen her eyes

" That's not true ! , I told her that I got- "

San yanked her up as she yelped because of her arm that throbbed in pain

" What is your problem ?! You can't just attack someone for some dumb pair off shoes ! "

Dumb pair of shoes ?

" San your hurting my arm please let go "

She cried screaming in pain as he was gripping the sore arm hard

" Not until you apologize ! "

Apologize ? She should apologize to me

" I-I'm sorry for hurting you Rin , please San your hurting me so bad let go ! "

She screamed once again and looked him in the eyes with her red ones hiccuping

" Now she's going to borrow one of your shoes don't be a selfish brat "

Rin smiled and took a box that had the red Nike ones inside, another pair of shoes that had been gifted to her on a date by Mingi

" N-No not these ones please "

The girl sobbed as Rin went out the room with San who didn't even spare his girlfriend a glance

Y/n cried and screamed from the pain as she laid on the floor

" Why are you crying for ? It's just some shoes "

Yunho said as he fixed his uniform

" No they are not just some shoes Yunho ! , Wooyoung gave them to me now she ripped them apart and I never got to wear them now San forced me to apologize to her and give her the shoes Mingi gifted me last month on our anniversary, I value my gifts Yunho and you know that I don't play about these "

He sighed gently grabbing her arm to look at the big blue bruise that started to form on her elbow and arm as she cried

" This looks bad , you should probably go to the hospital and get this checked "

The elder kissed her bruise and her lips feeling sorry , he knew how much she appreciated the things they gifted her on special occasions

" Please don't cry , I'll buy you a new pair ok ? Just let her wear these for today since she has to buy new ones and the others are worn out "

He held her softly wiping away her tears

" I'm just mad that San didn't even listen to me and just assumed that I was the one at fault plus he grabbed my arm so hard that I think it's more bruised than when I fell "

She said burying her face into his chest as he kissed her forehead

" Ok lets get you dressed and I'll take you to the hospital to get you checked up

" But you have a meeting with your coach "

" Don't worry he will understand besides I'll get a call from him your my priority right now "

He smiled at the thought of her remembering his schedules , it made him feel important

" I always come to watch you I would never miss any of your basketball games "

" Your sweet , anyways get dressed I'll go change into other clothes see you in a minute "

" I'll just go in my pajamas , it's going to hurt moving around to change "

She held him with her other arm as he insisted on helping her change , he carefully took off her shirt and smiled seeing his name tattooed on her chest in a little calligraphy along with the others

" Why are you starring at me ? "

He grabbed her face and locked their lips as they moved together in sink

They made out forgetting their surroundings or that anyone could possibly enter

" Yunho th-he door is open someone can just come inside and see us "

" I'll close it for privacy reasons but your actually our girlfriend so I don't really need to "

He locked the door and returned to the girl who eyed him loosen his neck tie and take off his uniform

" I haven't really been with you lately "

He sighed grabbing her carefully towards him for a kiss

Both lost at each other's touch , a feeling they have been missing to feel

Maybe a little action is not meant to get someone's hope up

__

Y/n grabbed her keys carefully and unlocked the door, Yunho had just left her at the hospital after saying he'd be back but never did

She had waited hours until she had enough and decided to home go by herself after receiving her cast for the broken arm , but it was raining and a friendly tall guy offered to take her home since he moved to the area

At the point she didn't care about being suspicious or stranger danger , the girl just wanted to go home and rest after the bad day

Are you waiting for someone?

Y-Yes my boyfriend should arrive in some minutes thank you

She knew he wasn't going to come for her anyways

Are you sure ? your standing under the rain you'll get sick

Actually he's not going to come I think

See hop in I'll take you home

Thank you

She at least felt like someone cared enough to stop their car and offer her a ride

Taking off her shoes with one hand she closed the door afterwards and made her way towards the kitchen to drink something but was stopped by Seonghwa who looked at her with a angry expression plastered on his face

" Why would you do that Y/n ? "

She looked at him confused

" Don't play dumb now , you dislocated her shoulder because of some dumb shoes "

" Is  that what she said I did to her ? "

" San saw what you did to her quit the acting you know I hate when people lie to me "

" Yeah San suddenly has super powers and can see through walls "

She scoffed softly patting his cheek and went past him to her room

There's no use in explaining you wouldn't believe me like the rest

" What was today's action about ? "

Mingi came inside and closed the door looking at her with his soft expression

" You wouldn't believe me like the rest "

" If you at least explained I'd try to understand what happened "

He helped her after placing a soft kiss on her cast and temple

" The shoes W-Wooyoung gifted me "

" The green ones for valentines? "

She nodded with tears filling her eyes

" She came into my room and started going through my stuff and I asked her what she was doing and she told me she wanted to borrow one of my shoes but since I was asleep in the living room she couldn't ask me "

" Therefore I told her to put them back since I was awake and didn't want her using the gift my boyfriend gave me on a special occasion especially because I never put them on , but she didn't listen and started leaving so I grabbed her and the shoes saying no once again , but she continued tugging them back even after I begged her to let go because they where going to rip apart any second "

She paused as he had a frown on his face wiping her tears

" The shoes ripped and we both fell , making me break my arm and her hurting herself "

" And why was San angry ? "

" Because she said I attacked her so he gripped my arm hard injuring it more and told her to pick out a shoe she wanted and these being the ones you gave me on our anniversary "

He kissed her head softly

" I'm sorry to hear that , maybe she felt a bit unfairly treated because we literally bought a collection for you while we didn't for her "

" I told her not to use them but she caused a scene about something that doesn't even belong to her in the first place "

" It's ok let's go downstairs to tell the others it was a misunderstanding "

He grabbed her waist going to the living room as she sniffed behind him

" Rin , I think you should apologize "

" She hurt me , why would I apologize ? "

" Because you just went into her room without permission and took the shoes Wooyoung gave her on valentines and ripped them "

" I told her I wanted to borrow them but she didn't want to listen to me and I was in need to get a new pair , and the other ones are old and don't match the jacket you gave me ”

" But when someone says no you should listen you broke her arm over her stuff "

Hongjoong looked at his other girlfriend that had a big cast over her arm his face showing a frown

" It doesn't matter Rin is sorry , forget the shoes you  can always replace them "

Yeosang said hugging Rin who cried

" I can not just replace something Wooyoung gave me, it wouldn't feel the same "

Y/n  looked at him with tears

" Wipe those tears it won't get you sympathy over some  shoes "

There they where again on her side

" Yeosang it's not about sympathy, Rin can't just take someone's stuff and rip them "

He looked at Mingi in disbelief

" But they are both girls why can't they share?"

" She doesn't have to share the special gifts , we bought it for her and  not for someone else to use it let alone rip them "

Everyone looked at Mingi he was mad and everyone knew not to test him when he was

" Wait which shoes are we talking about ? "

Wooyoung's face turned towards Y/n as he was in disbelief

" The green adidas you gave her "

"Seriously? her favorite ? not only did i wait to buy them but they were expensive "

The elder stood up and cupped her face

" Don't worry I'll try to get you new ones "

" N-No Wooyoung I don't want you to get me another expensive pair I'm just asking  for understatement that's all I want "

" Rin please apologize to her "

Jongho sighed and looked at both girls

" I-I won't apologize, it's your guys fault! "

Everyone looked at the girl that teared up and started making a scene

" Why do you guys buy her so many things! "

Y/n looked down feeling sad for her , even if she ripped her favorite shoe she didn't want her to feel unfairly treated

" Rin these shoes or clothes aren't really new , Y/n just knows how to keep her things clean tidy fresh and new "

Seonghwa held the younger girl

" Her stuff are literally two years old , and the only new things were these two shoes and some dresses we bought her on our anniversaries "

" I-I also want to have a dress collection "

" Than I'll make you one don't worry "

Y/n had enough as they all started to pamper her because she simply wanted clothes and other materialistic things

She left them and went inside her room closing the door and locking it not wanting any of them to be with her at the moment so she could calm down her nerves, Rin always found a way to get what she wanted so she could get out of trouble

Maybe I'm overreacting maybe they are just some simple pair of shoes

#ateez #ateez angst #ateez atiny #ateez fluff #ateez hongjoong #ateez imagines #ateez jongho #ateez mingi #ateez san #ateez seonghwa #ateez yeosang #ateez wooyoung #ateez x reader #ateez yunho #san angst #seonghwa angst #hongjoong angst #wooyoung angst #mingi angst #yunho angst #yeosang angst #jongho angst

[tam0111]

Clementine x gn!reader

Part 1

Author's note: I wanted to write a short Clementine oneshot for myself but it turned into a 4k fic(for now). I felt that it would be a shame to leave a story that long for just me to read so I decided to post it here. I'm not a professional and wrote it just for fun so it's probably messy, also tried to make the reader gender neutral. English is not my first language so sorry for all the mistakes.

Since it's so long (and ending is in writing) I will post it in maybe two or three parts.

Warnings: Swearing and spoilers for season 3 and season 4

Word count: 1325

I don't remember much from when the apocalypse started.

It was just a normal week. Eating breakfast, watching cartoons, and playing with my best friend.

I would give anything for it all to go back to the way it used to be.

But then again, it's been 9 years since it started. I don't think it's gonna end anytime soon. Maybe it was destined to happen. Like the stone era, ice age...

Or maybe I'm just saying that to make myself feel better. A hope that it will all go back to normal. Where you don't see people eating, killing, and betraying each other.

That's all we have left in this fucked up world.

Hope.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Can you remind me again why I'm going?"

It was too late for this shit.

Everyone let out a tired sigh.

"What? Do you think I know the way to this mysterious place or something?"

"Didn't you say that you used to visit someone in West Virginia? You can help us find our way around there." David said.

"Well yeah, my uncle but how the fuck does that help? I don't suppose your friends now live in my uncle's house do they?" (Name) sassed at him.

Javier placed a map in front of them.

"Do you at least know the area or a town that you used to go to?"

(Name) took a look at the map. They couldn't remember what the city was called but maybe if they saw a name it could refresh their memory.

"Here." They point to Morgantown "He wasn't from there but I remember we went there with him."

Javier nodded. "Ok, so we go to Morgantown, then find the river from there and follow it until it leads us to the school."

"Can someone please explain what's happening and why we're going to a school by the river?" (Name) asked while yawning.

"And why Gabe's going with us?"

Gabe gave them a side glare.

"I got some info from people we captured. Asked for some information about their community, 'The Delta'.

They told us most of their soldiers are kids who were stolen and trained." Javier began.

"What kind of a sick fuck would do that?" Kate shook her head.

"We were also told one of their lieutenants was having trouble with a community that consists of teenagers. Said she got defeated by them but is planning on attacking them again with more soldiers." Javier explained.

David took over. "We know the communities leader and owe her so we thought we could go there and see what's the situation. If needed we could get more backup and help them." (Name) hummed and looked at Gabe for explanation.

"Gabe wants to go because when this leader was here he had a huge crush on her," Kate added.

They looked at Gabe and awed.

"That's so cute." "Fuck off."

They chuckled and looked at Javi "So when are we going?"

"Tomorrow morning, as soon as the sun rises. It's a long journey." Tripp finally spoke up.

"And who else is going?"

"David and me, Gabe, you, and Tripp," Javi says. "Ava is gonna lead with Kate while we're gone."

(Name) sighed. "Well okay then. I'm going back to bed to prepare for tomorrow. Wake me up in the morning will you?"

"Maybe we'll forget to." Gabe said.

They chuckled "Nah, I wanna annoy you during the trip so I'll be sure to wake up. Good night everyone."

They said their good nights and went back to planning for tomorrow's trip.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

As soon as the sun rose, the group was up on their feet, getting everything they needed and preparing to leave.

Javier gave instructions to Kate and Ava and with that, the group set out on the road. It was gonna be a long trip.

Tripp did the math and said that they should arrive there in 5 days, including all the stops they make.

(Name) wasn't pleased with that information. Hearing Gabe whine for 5 days wasn't exactly how they intended to spend their time.

But then again they owed Javi. He accepted them into their community and his family when they had nobody.

They can't say no to him.

Plus it would be nice to meet the kids who managed to beat 'the Delta' lieutenants' ass on their own. They must be so cool.

(Name) wasn't exactly a skilled fighter. They mostly ran and hid, trying not to engage any Muertos. David did teach them how to handle a gun but that was it. No way they could fight a Delta army.

They were snapped out of their thoughts by...Gabe's whining.

"It's going to take us 5 days to get there?!" (Name) groaned.

Tripp looked at him. "Look kid, if you're going to complain all the time you can go back."

"I agree with Tripp. Why don't you go back Gabe." They smirked at him.

"No way! I wanna see Clementine!"

Clementine huh? That name sounds familiar...oh right!

"Aww, her name is Clementine? Are you gonna serenade her when we get there?"

"That is actually a great idea (Name). You could woo her with your singing talents Gabe." David said sarcastically.

He rolled his eyes at his dad's teasing.

"Yeah, come on I'll even help you practice."

They cleared their throat.

"Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling Clementine~" Everyone chuckled while Gabe was looking at them unamused.

"You are lost and gone forever, dreadful sorry, Clementine~"

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

5 days passed pretty quickly.

(Name) tried to keep everyone entertained and messed with Gabe the whole time so it wasn't dull.

It was important for him to be prepared to sing his heart out.

Luckily the group didn't encounter many Muertos along the way. Few single ones here or there, and some tiny groups.

They thought it was the perfect time to throw in a dad joke.

"Hey, guys why do Muertos group in three? Because they can't even."

Only Gabe didn't laugh so (Name) felt accomplished.

When they arrived in Morgantown (Name) couldn't believe the state it was in. It was unrecognizable. They quickly passed it, avoiding Muertos, and went on their way to find the river.

When they did find it, (Name) suggested they take a small break. They took their chance and threw Gabe in it, much to his dislike.

They followed the smaller river that split into the forest because Javi said the soldiers mentioned the school was in the forest so luckily they were going in the right direction.

Now it was (Name) who whined.

"I hope we're close. My ass hurts." They pouted.

"Who is whining now?" "At least I'm whining after 5 days. You whined after like, few hours, so please, shut up."

They kept bickering until David shushed them. "Be quiet."

The group fell silent. Then a gunshot fired.

"EVERYONE DOWN!"

They all got down from the horses and hid behind trees.

(Name) took their gun out. This sucked.

"I would surrender if I were you. You're outnumbered." A male voice shouted.

"And let you kill us? No way." David shouted back.

"Have it your way then."

Multiple shots were being fired. (Name)'s head was ringing from them, not used to it.

"(Name) get the horses! Follow the river and send backup!"

They nodded and whistled. Horses were still spooked by the gunshots.

They took a deep breath and made a run for it.

They didn't get far when they felt a sharp pain in their abdomen.

(Name) quickly put their hands on the spot that burned and dropped to their knees. Their head was ringing.

They couldn't hear anything but muffled voices and loud gunshots.

Someone was shaking them and then they felt someone pick them up. Their eyes felt so heavy, it was too hard to open them so they didn't. They felt tired.

(Name) knew they probably shouldn't, but the pain was unbearable, so they let sleep take over.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

#twdg x reader #twdg #clementine #clementine x reader

[frecklystars]

I’m going to probably stay mostly offline today and tomorrow, because tomorrow night is the Charlie Puth concert and I want to be ready for it. I don’t want to risk seeing anything online that could trigger me and make me spiral, I want to try to relax myself as much as I can. The last thing I need is a panic attack especially when I’m supposed to be enjoying myself, and my ongoing anxiety from going to the emergency room last week still has me rattled. I’m still having flashbacks and bad memories in the back of my head constantly, like I am literally never not thinking about all the bad things that happened to me and I know that’s a part of ptsd but! it really sucks and I don’t want to make it worse by seeing my abuser floating around people’s blogs buying comms and giving me further reminders of how she got away with so much. And my anger has been totally consuming me for the past 2 days now so I really need to try to clear my thoughts

I’m super nervous about the concert. I’ve been so numb to the things I used to enjoy for 10 months now. I used to associate literally all of his songs w/ my TF ships and I’m worried that hearing them live will make me feel really depressed. but I spent money on this front row ticket and I think I’ll try to enjoy just simply seeing him so up close in person, I think that will be a cool experience despite everything else. and if I’m able to, I’ll post videos :D

I might make a post just before it starts and ask for some positive encouragement or something but in the meantime I’m gonna spend today at the movies and eating yummy food and playing stardew valley 💛💛💛

Also............. I reblogged a bunch of charlie puth stuff into my queue scheduled for tomorrow, I spent a couple of hours in the last two days trying to ground myself by going into his tag and reblogging a bunch of his music/videos. so im sorry class for the puth brainrot you’re gonna see all day tomorrow LOL I’m just desperately trying to hype myself up for this concert instead of dreading it

#woof #like my worst fear is that im gonna be so anxious out of my mind and unable to enjoy it #bc i am riddled with anxiety and being so tense! every! second! of every! single! day! #for!!!! months!!!! and i thought i'd be better by now but i'm not. #i thought i'd have a better grip on how to handle my anxiety now but i am not #bc i keep seeing my abuser and it sends me so backwards #if i knew i would have ptsd when i bought this ticket i never would have spent so much money #but who knows!! maybe he will make me feel a little better!!! #i just know last time i was at a concert i was so depressed i was out of my body #and now i have ptsd and i dont have my f/os and he's gonna be singing songs i associate with said f/os #so like i really dont expect this to go well im rly scared. im anxious out of my goddamn mind #[SHARP INHALE] OH FUCKING WELL

[jeanmoreaux]

I am loving your recent flood of AFTG posts, I have never been the same since I read that series and Captive Prince a few years back

Anyways I saw the one compiled with quotes about rage and Andrew and I almost cried

I really really love Nora for being like, fck it and she just wrote the characters she wanted and the story she wanted and nothing comes close to that experience

I really appreciate how Andrew fully is an unhinged and violent person and there’s no ‘redemption arc or forgiveness’ nonsense that most writers (I’m looking at the recent YA sickness and booktok monstrosities) —- would intent to write in or be forced to do so by their editors or whatnot.

He is unapologetically himself and even though in reality I would probably avoid someone like that (I am smol. I have all the rage of the world but I would snap like a twig in 2 seconds if he decided to just end me—-ala Allison and Aaron situation WHICH I HAVE SOME BEEF WITH IF YOU’LL HEAR ME OUT) —-I just appreciate his character so much I can’t explain

Neil is myyyy boyyy though I definitely experienced the series the way he also develops across the books. When he’s shookt I’m shookt, when he’s snarky I’m also feeling snarky, and when he’s driving into a conversation like knives I’m also with him (the scene after the assault in book 2, at the hospital where Neil confronts him about ‘doing nothing’ still sends chills down my spine)

I just love AFTG it’s tattooed into my brain

ahhhhh you have noooo idea how much joy this ask brought me. even after all these years i still get excited when people come talk to me about these books and the characters in it. i am all with you in the opinion that this series is made special by nora just writing what she wanted to write. it’s so unapologetic in that approach as well, which is why the story and the characters and the dynamics work for me. and omg don’t even get me started on andrew or neil, they are my sons. i have soooo many feelings about them it’s awful. i actually appreciate how messed up they both are and how they both don’t really lose that by the end of the story. they do get better in their own ways without fundamentally changing as people and that just feels so right for them (to me at least). for me, this story has always been about the after of trauma. it’s about the coping mechanism to deal with it and the adjustment you have to make to survive it and also that even when you’re never gonna be what society considers “normal” again you can have a life that’s worth living and full of love and accomplishments and success. a life that lets you be okay most of the time. in my opinion, none of the characters needed a redemption anyway. ((but you’re right, popular sensibilities often push editors to demand that from their writers. which is so stupid to me but another discussion entirely lol.)) like, with these characters, it’s all about perspective. you simply cannot meet them on a level that insists on “healthy” notions of ethics and morals because they operate on such other principles. principles that make sense for the characters based on their psychology and circumstances. and that’s where you have to meet them and the point from where you have to judge them, in my opinion. ((that’s also why i think aftg is not for most people because i get not wanting to stray from one’s own set of sensibilities when it comes to the stuff in this series.)) personally, these characters (and especially andrew and neil) are so interesting exactly because their brains are so different from mine. i find that fascinating. and nora characterises them well enough to give it all a coherent internal logic that works out for the story. so YES OMG i appreciate these characters so much as well. they’re truly so different in a way that i eat up. and PLS full-on shit-stirrer, people-dragging, truth-spitting neil is my FAVOURITE!!! love it when he lets lose and verbally attacks people like there is no tomorrow. makes me so proud in the weirdest way.

also. what’s your beef with the allison and aaron situation? 👀 i am so curious and i’ll gladly hear you out

#jo look away. #i cannot tag this with aftg because i do not want it to pop up in the general aftg tag 🙈 #((on my way to bed but i’ll be online again tomorrow 🙈)) #answer #anon #have a lovely day!! <3 #mish reads aftg #<-i am not currently rereading but this feels like an appropriate tag lol

[rianafying]

journal entry time i guess

idk what i said in my last journal entry or how much of my chaotic life my journal is up to date with, but i’ve started earning a little more than i used to and things have been nice. going pretty smoothly. which is pretty shocking, considering how incompetent and inconsistent i am prone to being. i’ve been calm. i did have a full on panic attack this morning, but i did the steps and went back to normal in a few hours. i bought some cornflakes for myself as a treat. i wanted to get cinnamon toast crunch but they don’t have that at woolies, and the closest thing they have is cinni churros (mini churros dusted w cinnamon sugar), i’ve had them before and they’re good but they’re expensive, so i just got the honey nut cornflakes. oh here’s a thing, in bangladesh, cereal in general is called cornflakes regardless of whether it is actually flaked corn or not. obviously not in every family, but in mine and many other i know, this is the case. and by far the most popular cereal option is kellogg’s chocos. but i’m not a chocolate girl, so actual corn flakes for me thanks. (only second to cinnamon toast crunch, whatever that is made out of, toast? crunch? is it made out of crunch??)

i went on a walk like i have been doing everyday lately, just got home and i’m excited to take a shower and have a bowl of my good stuff. super excited. after that, i’ll prep for tomorrow’s shoot. but it’s in the evening so i’m not too stressed out. and it’s just one model and one outfit. so all good.

i have that stupid ass crush on this person that i spoke to once and now im posting stories on MESSENGER? trying to get their attention, it’s so dumb im. there is no excuse or explanation for this it’s pure pathetic. but i can’t stop thinking about this person. what do i even want out of this? nothing. because i don’t even like myself enough to let someone else like me. and they probably don’t even like me. which is fine. it’s fiiiiiiiiine. it’s fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.

don’t they know it’s the end of the world. anyway, for some reason i think the movie of my life end this year. i’m not gonna do anything, but it feels that way, like, the credits are about to roll after the melancholy christmas scene. it just weirdly makes sense. that i won’t make it to next year. you know when a horrible death is juxtaposed with a nice new year’s eve kind of song or like the ending credits kind of song. i’m thinking of “the end of the world” by skeeter davis, but im not married to it.

i’m tired of it all actually. i’m tired of everything. i’m not devastated though. but i feel like im just done.

my journal entries are not supposed to make sense, and so they won’t. i’m literally writing it as i’m waiting for my scalp medicine to do its thing. my psoriasis has been completely out of control, and i’ve stopped trying to control it. i just go through the motions, i put on my medicines and oils when i can, and i do my homework, when i can, i wake up i do my chores and i go to sleep. and even at my happiest, i don’t think it’s worth it. i’m getting older, and i knew i’d be doing this by myself, and i know it’s not changing, ever.

maybe i’m just not that good at anything, and im fine with that, just let me step aside, i don’t want to participate anymore. i just want to get away. i want to stop. things are getting better and even in the scenario that everything works out as i hoped, i still don’t want it. what do i want? i don’t even want to read books or watch movies. but i still do. because that’s what i’m supposed to. i don’t even care anymore. i can’t think of something i care enough about. enough to stick around. i don’t know why or how my journal took this turn i thought i was doing fine but looks like im kind of not doing that well.

i’m so tired. i’m so so tired, please. but i know i’ve been much more tired before and i still was okay. so i’ll be okay. i will. but. i’m so tired. i took that test and i scored 100% on positivity and 5% on happiness. and that checks out. i’m not ungrateful, but im not necessarily happy. but i don’t like to let people know im not happy. because they take it as a chance to point out my flaws or to give unsolicited advice. i don’t even care. m

i’m just a little overwhelmed. maybe i need to stop trying to be okay all the time and actually go through the emotions instead of pretending they’re not there. i can’t be numb forever.

maybe i need to just feel super sad tonight and not do anything. i really feel like binge eating. i’ve been kind of doing that recently. not really full on binging but eating more than i *need* to. which i can’t afford to do for too long. i’m just scared of letting food go bad and of idk, not having food, because that does happen to me on weeks when there are surprise expenses. but it’s not as bad as it sounds, i don’t even eat that much regularly.

IM SO DISTRACTED. i’m so distracted and i can feel my heart beating faster than it should even though i am in bed trying to RELAX. idk what is wrong with me. things are no where near perfect but i am doing much better than i was a couple of months ago, better than last year, better than any year before. i think.

but i wish i was doing better than i am now. nothing too crazy, i wish i had the time, money and energy to properly clean and decorate my room. and to be able to pause worrying about bills and food constantly. hopefully ill figure out how to do things better so im a step above just making ends meet. things are actually good and getting obviously better, then why am i still so upset? why do i complain so much? i just feel like ranting and ranting and ranting because im avoiding the things i should actually be doing. such as cleaning and homework. but i have such a hard time getting started. what with adhd and all. and i cant believe i posted a story on facebook after so many years just so some random stranger will give me attention, what’s that gonna do? nothing!!!

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah i just can’t do it, i can’t do things. i can’t do anything. I just watched 3 episodes of rory in yale and im in uni right now!!! isn’t that crazy? i’m living that life! i moved out, i live in my room which isn’t exactly a dorm room but it’s a unilodge so it’s close enough, and then what? i just feel like crying and i don’t even know why???? i’m not even that lonely, like i talk to my cousins and my friends all the time. i’m caught up with people, i meet people all the time, i participate in activities. i’m doing my best, i got 85-97% in all my assignments this trimester, and i just have two little assignments and an exam to go before my holidays start. but then the real difficult thing will begin. which is cleaning my room, which is the most godawful task to have ever been invented. but i’ll do it, and it’ll be hard and tiring and lengthy, and then what? do i get to enjoy myself? no i have to get a fucking job in hospitality or something, and earn extra money during my break. why does my scalp literally hurt. oh right because i have a severe chronic autoimmune disorder that makes my whole body flare up and makes my nails hurt. i love life 😍.

no but seriously, of all the things that could go wrong, psoriasis is still easy mode. i’m grateful. i’m very very grateful. you know what, it doesn’t really feel like i have the worst combination of problems like it used to feel before. like my eating disorder is kind of under control. so is my anxiety and depression. like it’s all still there but it’s not that bad? is it time for me to come to terms with the fact that the person i have a crush on is never going to text me again? but isn’t that nice? like isn’t that ideal? isn’t that literally what i wanted/want? it is actually. i think i just need some validation. it’s crazy how i end up wanting more validation when im on social media vs when i’m off of it for months. maybe after my trimester ends, i’ll get off of social media or figure out a solid plan to stick to that ensures i don’t spend too much time on socials, because it not only eats up my day but also makes me feel awful about myself.

it’s crazy how out of touch with my feelings and myself i get when im on social media. it’s decided then. i will severely limit my social media usage during my holidays. actually starting now. that’s one thing. and i’ve started walking regularly again, so that’s also good. what else, i go to therapy regularly, and i am journaling. i’m managing my money better? i’m doing the best i can. i’ve been emotionally self sufficient. i’ve been self aware and i have not been doing that bad. i’m being kind and forgiving to myself and to everyone else as well. i’m a better person now than i used to be, not necessarily in terms of intentions, but more in terms of consequences of my actions. but also because i’ve simply had the energy to do more for myself and for others. can’t fill their cup if my own is empty. things are good. i need to do something about my mood swings. this person i was talking to said to take cold showers to feel better and i would rather pour vinegar into my eyes than do that. but maybe i could give it a try. no i absolutely couldn’t. even the thought of it is jarring.

#personal #journal entry

[house-of-slayterr]

Feeling like a sicky boy…

I cried so much last night I dehydrated myself further than usual and now my heads warm and fuzzy. And I woke up cause my elbow still hurts from when I injured it at the end of may.

But luckily I don’t have anywhere to be today. So I’ll be on here but responses and role-play might now be as Instantaneous or continuous today. Because I’ll have to take breaks or naps.

But I wanna relax and talking with all of you is my favourite part of my day!

Last night was one of the worst panic attacks I’ve had in months. At one point it felt like nobody was fronting in the body and it was so scary. I never want to feel like that again. But luckily I have therapy tomorrow, so I can talk about it then and start feeling mentally better at least!

I’m still working on my new discord server, and adding the bots and channels and making it look all nice and pretty. I’ll send out the links once that’s done. And as far as writing and stuff, I’ve gotta clean out my google drive cause I’m out of storage and don’t have the money to just buy more right now. 😭 but once that’s all reorganised I can organise my thoughts better and start writing again.

I’m also still organising my master lists so I can reread all my stories A) to spark new ideas and B) to remember where I left off or an continuity things I can fix/bring back. Sorry things are moving so slow, that’s the reality of being mentally I’ll and physically disabled. Especially since I waste so much entertainment everyday having to pretend to be able bodied, because you can’t live in a capitalist society without money. Especially not when medical bills cost the way they do.

But hey, at least it’s my birthday month! I’be got tickets to see my favourite musician, I’m gonna be in my first cosplay competition ever, and I’m having a spider-man themed birthday party!! I’ll probably post my birthday Wishlist soon, but obviously NO pressure, I know money is tight for everyone this year. But usually I buy my own gifts but I can’t this year. Just well wishes and getting to talk with all of you will be more than enough.

I love you all so much! 🫀🫀🫀🫀I don’t know if I’ll get back to sleep soon, or be up for a bit. But I figured I’d give an update.

@queer-and-utter-chaos @emeraldfangs @mothmans-kingdom @vincent-sinclair-deserved-better @myers-meadow @keffirinne @stu-machers-girl

#fang rambles #new discord server #sicky boy #mental health day #i’m exhausted #but trying my best #my elbow hurts #elbow sprain #elbow dislocation #high pain day #spider man #birthday month #fangs special interest

[she-karev]

First Date Part 3

Age Rating: 12+

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

AN: Hey guys here’s the third chapter the last one will be posted by tomorrow. The GIF above is what Amber looks and feels the morning after.

Summary: Amber and Andrew talk the morning after their first date.

Words: 2767

I wake up to the sunlight beaming through the blinds and groan. I sit up and realize I am in someone else’s bed in someone else’s house. I see the shirt I’m wearing and sniff it to be sure. It smells like Andrew; I’ve been around him long enough to know he wears a musky kind of cologne every day. The attached bathroom door opens and Andrew comes out wearing a towel wrapped around his waist exposing his lean and muscular body to me. I would be freaking out about his physique if I didn’t freak out so bad last night. I inhale to keep myself steady in his mostly naked presence. His wet hair tells me he just got out of the shower and he looks at me surprised to find me up.

“Hey your up.” I nod, “How are you feeling?”

“I’ll feel better once I get some coffee…it wasn’t a nightmare, was it?”

“No.”

“Damn it I was hoping it was.” I take a beat as Andrew looks at me still wearing a towel and I feel uncomfortable with both of us exposed and try to take control so I stand up grab my jeans and open the door, “I’m gonna make some coffee you can find me in the kitchen.” I close the door and put my jeans on still wearing his shirt. I would put my shirt from yesterday on but I’m too nervous around Andrew to take the time to find it. Besides my shirt probably stinks from the sweat. I find the coffee maker and quickly put in the coffee grounds and set the machine to brew.

Andrew walks in wearing a black T-shirt and jeans watching me warily as if he’s afraid I’m gonna break like glass. I don’t blame him I would look at him the same if he had a panic attack right in front of me. I’m relieved when the coffee stops brewing and I decide a menial task might take my mind off things and hopefully help us move on from last night. I find the crème and sugar and set it aside with spoons, “How do you take your coffee?”

“Black and sweet. Do you have work today?”

I pour him a cup, “No I’m off today what about you?”

“Same.” Andrew takes a moment to speak and I prepare myself for the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech but his next words shock me, “I’m-I’m sorry. I thought baseball would be a good first date but if I had known what was gonna happen, I would’ve picked a picnic in a park, a big park with open fields and trees and…oxygen.”

I look at him somber over his apology even though he didn’t do anything wrong, “You don’t have anything to apologize for, you couldn’t have known and honestly a panic attack wasn’t something I expected either. I…” I find the strength to tell him a little about my neurosis, “They don’t happen often I…I almost forgot how to deal with them.”

Andrew nods and asks, “How long have you had them?”

“They started when I was 13. After I had my first incident I went to a therapist and learned behavioral and breathing techniques, but even then, they didn’t happen often. I know the triggers and I’ve managed to avoid them in college and med school.”

Andrew makes a realization about last night, “Crowds?”

I nod embarrassed, “Yeah crowds are a big trigger for me.”

Andrew looks confused for some reason and his next question catches me off guard, “H-How did you manage to avoid it in New York? I mean that city is piled with crowds.”

I sigh and explain, “I never took the subway, I walked to my classes and I avoided the streets during the winter season that’s tourist time. I also lived with a cousin who’s a hairdresser there and her apartment was surprisingly roomy so I didn’t have to be stuffed in some dorm closet.” I add that part because Jen was the only family I had during that time and she was more like a sister than a cousin to me, “I promise that was first one in a long time and I am sorry it had to be on our first date I am so sorry.”

“Amber, you have nothing to apologize for and I’m a doctor it’s not like I’m not trained for when a patient panics.”

“Yeah, but did you expect to use that training on a first date?” I ask bitterly as I hand him his coffee and take a big sip from mine, “I know what your gonna ask next.”

Andrew takes a sip from his mug and gives me a confused look that is question enough.

I curl my lips before posing the question he wants to ask, “Why do you have these attacks? What could have possibly happened to you to make you such a mess?”

“You don’t have to explain if you don’t want to.”

I exhale in relief, “Thank you.” I sit at the small round table consuming my coffee and Andrew joins me sitting across from me, “I’ll get out of your hair I’m just gonna finish my coffee and we can just be co workers after tonight. In a good…three to six weeks things should be normal so don’t feel bad if you take an out.”

Andrew looks at me shocked by my request and says another unexpected thing, “Amber I don’t want an out. I know last night was bad and-”

I chuckle darkly at him, “Bad? It was a disaster topped with a nuclear cherry. I like you; you seem like a nice guy; a stable guy and I feel the need to tell you that I am the opposite. I worked hard to get here I have busted my ass trying to overcome things you don’t know about. There are…so many reasons why I freaked out last night and those reasons drive stable guys like you away I speak from experience.” It’s a hard truth, the guys I’ve dated in high school ran in the other direction as soon as they saw my house and my mom. I have learned to guard my heart and be the one to leave first as soon as they get a glimpse of where I came from. It might not seem fair to them but I don’t want to risk getting in too deep only to get my heart broken.

Andrew scratches his chin and leans forward, “I don’t know what kind of guys you dated in the past but I’m not like them. I’m not gonna cut and run at the first sign of trouble. And if the time comes you feel like sharing your past with me…I’m not gonna be scared away.”

I swallow uneasily and shake my head, “You don’t get it, you will never get it. The others say that they can handle and for a while then can but…it doesn’t last. They get scared and they admit it’s too much because they are used to things going their own way.”

“And you think that’s your fault somehow? You have a past you can’t control and that’s on you?” Andrew asks out of genuine curiosity which slightly aggravates me as I narrow my eyes at him.

“See there it is you don’t get it. I can’t control my past but somehow, I am always paying the price for it. You say your not gonna run but guys like you always do because you had the path to success paved for you when you were born and I had to work tooth and nail for every inch of ground I gained. Some of us have to overcome more than other’s DeLuca.”

Andrew scoffs at my insult, “You know what you know me about as much as I know you so where do you get this idea that I’m some richy rich kid who’s never even had a pea under his mattress?”

“Yale, Harvard, perfect GPA your sister is a doctor I’m sure you two aren’t the only ones in your family am I right?” Andrew looks away confirming his answer, “Exactly…I’m not giving you an out to be cruel I’m giving you an out so neither one of us can get hurt. What I know about you so far is enough for me to believe that your not gonna look at me the same after I tell all the grisly details about me. The details you do know is that I have anxiety attacks and my ass of a brother almost killed you.” I add that part so I can be certain he’ll go away, “You’re not missing out on much and you can get laid anywhere you can get any girl you want.”

“Well, I happen to want you at the moment.” He says it with conviction and all I want to do is take him back to the bedroom and take him ten different ways but I need to be smart here, “Your right I could get any girl I want and they would probably be less judgmental than you.”

I nod, “Yeah your right about that and that’s only one of my least attractive qualities.”

Andrew sips his coffee and agrees with me, “Yeah, I know you’re prickly and grouchy and your brother did beat me up but do you know what else you are? Your smart, your funny, your beautiful and your cool and women of that caliber are very hard to find especially in this scary and technological time. I’m not an idiot, I’m not stupid or immature enough to cut and run if you tell me a few scary stories. I just ask that you let that time come if this thing gets more serious between us. I mean come on what do you have to lose?”

I sit there looking at him in awe over how much he wants to give us a try it almost makes me want to take him up on it. Almost, “…You’re a good guy and I want to believe that there will come a time when I can open up to you and hope that you won’t run but I’ve been down this road before and it has ended badly for me.” Andrew looks at me sad over my inability to start letting him in, “Unless you also have some skeletons in your closet that you don’t feel comfortable telling me I don’t see how we can ever be compatible so…take care DeLuca.” I stand up and put the coffee mug in the sink and wash it until I hear DeLuca talk.

“I do.” He says it in a solemn tone and I turn to face him as he still sits on the table staring at his mug.

“You do what?”

“…I do have skeletons in my closet.” He takes a deep breath and stands in front of me with a frustrated face. It’s the first time I’ve seen him so angry and I can’t tell why until he speaks, “What I am about to tell you is something I have never told anyone since I moved to this country. It is something I left behind and prayed it wouldn’t catch up to me here so if I tell you this once you have to promise it will not leave this house, can you do that?” He looks at me seriously and I am almost taken back as I have never seen him like this but I respond.

“Y-Yeah I can do that I promise.” I want to tell him he doesn’t have to but I want to see what he’s holding in and see if it’s as bad as my thing. He exhales as if tormented by what he’s about to say.

“My father is a pretty famous surgeon back in Italy and you were right I grew up well off.”

“Well, I know a thing or two about having a famous surgeon relative.” I smile but it doesn’t amuse him if anything it makes his eyes darker with shame.

He doesn’t laugh instead he just shakes his head, “Trust me you don’t, your brother got to be the chief of peds my dad…got acquittals.” I look at him slightly shocked but let him continue, “My father has a mental illness we don’t know what it is but Carina suspects it’s bipolar 1. The reason were suspecting is because to this day he never saw a doctor and he never got a diagnosis.” The shift to mental illness calls my attention more as I am starting to see a mirror of my own story, “In a manic phase he operated on seven patients. He took no breaks, no sleep and no food, he didn’t let anyone help and…four people died on the table that night, four people died because of him.” My eyes widened at his chilling confession as I fully started to see why he was angry I accused him of being spoiled. Until now I always imagined his life as some Italian fairy tale but I guess that’s not the case. He sighs as he tells the story and I know he’s pained trusting some stranger with this information, “He would’ve gotten arrested or at the very least had his license taken but between his money and friends he got away with it. It worked out for him professionally but personally he destroyed our family. My mom couldn’t be with him after that so she took me with her to the states and Carina stayed in Italy with him.”

I swallow trying to process before asking, “Is that why you don’t have an accent like your sister?” My question comes totally out of the left field. I don’t know why I ask something so trivial at a moment like this.

But it’s apparently the right thing to ask because Andrew relaxes slightly before responding, “Yeah, I was 13 when I moved here and I learned to adopt an American accent so I would stop getting bullied at school. And believe me nobody liked the Italian with the weird accent who could barely read through English class. So…that’s my skeleton in the closet.”

I look at him confused by his complete trust in me with his own scary past and I just ogle at him before finding the words, “Why are you telling me this?”

Andrew sighs and runs his hand through his hair, “Because whatever you went through in your childhood, I’m pretty sure I can relate even a little bit with my complicated past I just shared with you. And I want you to see that I’m not easy to scare away, I’m a lot tougher than you think. And I’m trustworthy enough for you tell me what is so bad about your past you feel the need to push me away. Whatever it is I can handle it Karev.”

I keep ogling at him because I don’t know what to say right now. I know what I should say, I should tell him about my own past and let him know he’s not the only one suffering from a fucked up past. If anything his story makes him perfect for me to open up about my mom and her schizophrenia and my brother and his schizophrenia and maybe even the attack but…a big part of me stops it. It isn’t fair to leave him the only one emotionally vulnerable here but I can’t help it. I have made it my mission to keep my family under wraps with friends and especially with my dates. I might be overly cautious or I might be a coward but I can’t tell him about my life and what I’ve been through and I look at him ashamed of myself instead of my family for once.

“…I know this is the part where I spill my heart to you and tell you all the details about my life that’s causing me to have panic attacks but I can’t.” Andrew frowns at me and I can see disappointment in his gaze and I don’t blame him I’m disappointed in myself too, “I can’t tell you what it is about my life that makes me like this because it’s wired in me not to. Maybe that makes me stubborn or a chicken I don’t know but what I do know is that I can’t go there. Not with you…not with anybody. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.” I quickly walk past him grab my purse and exit the house before I burst into tears.

#greys anatomy #andrew deluca #amber karev #elizabeth gillies #liz gillies #headcanon

[notafraidofredyellowandblue]

In hopes that the original plan for a 4 part documentary is still happening, does that mean we gonna get 4 hour film?? Or even longer?? Plus live dvd??? Plus making ofs?????

I am not going to survive that! All the new footage and interviews! This is it, my friends, this is how we go!

And on a sidenote - they are quite terrible in announcing things. Like for instance, right now, there's nothing about Till releasing new song next Friday, his insta is probably just going to post about it on the day. So I wouldn't be surprised if official Rammstein drop something like "TOMORROW!" Like thanks for giving me a heart attack!

a documentary *and* live dvd *and* making ofs? 😳 That sounds almost too good, i don't think i'd survive (maybe i should start survival training now, just in case 😊)

And yes, their PR is shabby, sorry to say... i mean, at the start of the 2023 it seemed like things were picking up a bit, also with those #rifftorammstein clips, that had potential, but after the allegations started, things were toned down again. Fortunately we did get the summary after each venue, but i think they deliberately kept it lowkey so as not too seem 'celebrating' when those stories were out there.

I wonder indeed how everything that has been going on this year will impact the plans Rammstein had, they were never media favorites in Germany, but i somehow had hoped for a little 'thawing' of the situation for their 30 year anniversary.. 🥺 So for now i'll be happy if something will drop next year (and yes, that a bit of promotion happens).

Till's media team i don't know much about, but they seem more active when promoting his work (well, apart from his Rammstein stuff 😄 but i already complained about that in another ask-answer 😇); i wonder if the new song was leaked a bit too soon by some outlets, but surely if it drops, it will be on Till's website and social media 🌺

#rammstein pr #could be better..

[cyberrat]

Formerly Patreon Exclusive Reward Fic

This fic is the first part of the Batch fics that will be posted today and tomorrow. It was a reward fic for one of my patrons who wanted it to be expanded into a larger encounter.

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Part 1/3

Reinhardt/Lúcio – size difference kink; virgin kink – Lúcio just needs a piece of that old man dick and Reinhardt is surprisingly docile and quiet... why could that be?

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Reinhardt is breathing so heavily, Lúcio would wonder if the old guy is going to have a heart attack if he didn’t know that his last physical had just been a few days ago and it came back perfectly fine.

Because he had done that physical.

And it had been the reason he’s here now, straddling Reinhardt’s lap and holding his ridiculously large cock while he drags his pouty hole against the glans to tease himself just as much as Reinhardt.

He’d been obsessed since seeing that big stud cock and he’s just had to have him. So here he is. One arm curled around Reinhardt’s neck, the other between their bodies, desperately clutching at the base of his cock while he starts to increase the pressure more and more until-

“God, fuck,” Lúcio exhales with feeling, head sinking back once the massive glans has finally popped past his rim. His abdomen feels liquidy and hot; like magma has started to ooze out from his very core while all Reinhardt does is sit there like a statue, breathing heavily… now with a distinct wheeze on every outward exhale.

“You alright, big guy?” Lúcio asks with a bit of a slur. He can feel himself getting cock drunk already. Wow, shit, that hasn’t happened in quite a while. Certainly not from just cramming a big fat tip into himself. Huh isn’t that fun?

“I… I am… yes, of course, ah… y-yes.”

Reinhardt stares at him with his one good eye. It looks a bit too bright, his mouth kind of slack. He’s clutching at the bedding as if for dear life.

“You sure?” Lúcio purrs and now that he doesn’t need to steady the big fat cock anymore, he can curl both arms around Reinhardt’s neck and bounce on just a few inches of meat. The stretch is causing some white noise in his ears. He’s in absolute heaven, insides clenching down something fierce and clinging desperately to the cock.

Reinhardt sounds like he’s choking on his own tongue.

“Y-yeah, it’s just been a… a while. My friend.” He tags the last bit on like it’s just a reflex born from about a hundred years of life. It probably is. His face is slack and his eye still very, very bright as he stares up at Lúcio.

“How long?” Lúcio asks cause he just can’t not. He’s sinking down just a bit more. He can feel himself getting a bit panicky, his heart thumping faster against his ribs as Reinhardt already pushes past a point that any cock has been able to reach.

The magma in his belly is spreading out, making his limbs feel loose. His insides are clenching desperately, holding on for dear life as if trying to force the meaty cock back out. Lúcio nearly misses Reinhardt’s answer through the whistling in his ears: “I… can’t remember.”

He’s never heard him talk so quietly.

They stare at each other. Lúcio can feel his mouth moving but nothing comes to mind to say to that. Instead, Reinhardt croaks: “God, you… you feel so… so…”

He closes his eyes and tilts his head back. His bushy brows are furrowed and Lúcio can feel the massive dick inside him flexing so hard he can feel it push his belly out from the inside.

“Holy shit,” he slurs. Reinhardt is about to fucking shoot his load and Lúcio hasn’t even begun.

He curls his arms around his neck harder, lips pressing against the old guy’s ear, suddenly very nervous that he might not get to ride that big monster the way he had been obsessing over for days.

“It’s alright… i-it’s alright, big guy. Just calm down, okay? Deep breaths… gonna… gonna take it nice and easy. Have some fun, alright?”

His insides squeeze down on him again. He doesn’t want to, but his body is just working on its own, apparently unable to accept just how big the old man’s cock is. How wide it’s stretching him open – and he hasn’t even crammed all of it in yet. Fuck, he’s never really thought about their height difference until he’s almost doing a splits on Reinhardt’s lap and has to stretch his spine to even reach his face.

For a few moments everything goes desperately silent as both of them just breathe heavily and try to calm themselves down. Eventually Lúcio can feel Reinhardt starting to relax some, so he does as well, slipping just another inch further down on his dick. Stars explode in front of his eyes but he tries not to make a sound.

Can’t rile him up too fast…

“Okay,” Reinhardt finally chokes out. Lúcio had never imagined him being so docile while getting fucked… but for all intents and purposes this is his first time? Which is… weird? And really hot? Fuck, he’s going to ruin him for anybody else. He’s going to make sure his pussy is the only thing Reinhardt can think of when he goes to jerk his big ol’ cock.

And he’s going to get freaky while doing it.

“Okay, alright, uhm… w-why don’t you just… yeah… up? Further up?” He’s grabbed Reinhardt’s arm and is pushing it upward, eyes drinking in the sight of his biceps bulging. Fuck, he’s so muscular. Everything on him is so big.

“Like… so?” Reinhardt mutters, folding his arm at the elbow, hand at the back of his neck.

He looks confused which doesn’t surprise Lúcio. He’ll… get it. Probably.

“Damn, yeah… yeah just like that,” he groans and stuffs his face against Reinhardt’s armpit.

Just to… just to slow things down, right? To distract them from how Lúcio’s insides are clinging wet and desperate to the fat dick lodged inside him? Yeah… yeah. Shit and there’s more to come still…

#cyberratting writes stuff #reinhardt/lúcio #size difference #pit sniffing #virgin kink

[transphilza]

💕❤️💕❤️

i’ve gotten into the habit of doing these check in posts with everything that’s going on so here i am. back again. mourning log day 3 except this one is just aimless rambling

i feel a bit better. i didn’t feel better earlier today though, i woke up and it only took about fifteen or twenty minutes of watching wil’s stream til i started crying a lot… admittedly that’s better than day 2 where i woke up and immediately had an anxiety attack but yeah. felt sort of cold and numb all day like i was walking around in a fugue, everything felt fake and distant and strange. hearing phil and wilbur’s voices (like especially phils for whatever reason) today felt quite nice but the only thing that made me feel real was when i was crying about techno

i cried while answering some asks, which for transparency’s sake has happened several times,,, when i say i understand you all and i feel your pain i Really mean it. it’s been cathartic to read your feelings and cry with you all

but i feel a bit better now. of all fucking things listening to hermitgang actually improved my mood quite a lot and thats so hysterically funny to me that i can’t even find it in myself to be mad about it. i played some toontown and then called my girlfriend and i rewatched philza’s vr world tour stream with her which was really comforting. she and him helped me feel real again,, we watched sbi terraria before that which was really really nice. hearing his voice still makes me feel so. aghhhhhh. i really really miss him

still feels like i’ve been carved out and left hollow a bit but talking to people of course helps. i’ve been avoiding my family for the past few days cause i couldn’t stop crying for long enough to compose myself but today i was able to talk to them for a little bit and it was better even though i was still hurting and it still felt strange to be around people whose worlds were still turning even though mine has stopped

on a random tangent thanks for eight fucking thousand notes on the techno art <3 that’s the most notes i’ve ever gotten on anything ever (thx techno m8) and also thanks for FINALLY replacing that clip of wilbur as my most noted post. jesus christ

i think i’m gonna keep the new pinned post. i wasn’t sure at first, but now that it’s there i really want to keep it. having that reminder on my blog all the time feels right…. although reading “spaceship” still genuinely makes me feel like someone fucking stabbed me in the chest every time i read it it hurts so bad

i miss him a lot…. that’s where i’m at now. i just miss him and i want him back and it destroys me every time i remember he’s not coming back

but it’s better, or as better as it can be. it’s better than uncontrollable nonstop sobbing for hours at a time at least, which is where i started. so that’s probably worth something, even if it just ends up as numbness

theres still some clips scheduled for tmrw and day after. tomorrow is gonna be really annoying cause it’s july 4th and i am not good with firework noises lmfao…. hopefully my ear plugs block the worst of it out. any other sound sensitive americans i am wishing you some peace as well

much love to you all. if sending me asks or messages helps you in any way i’m beyond happy to answer them, and thank you for all your stories and kindness once again

❤️ cia

#personal