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sugarfluffandallthatgoodstuff · 9 months

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To the Floor, From the rat

Sukuna x Reader crack

@kmayafk and @ari-tart-3114 helped out with this

By: 3 crackheads (HAHA! YOU THOUGHT IT WAS ONE BUTS ITS ACTUALLY dio- i mean THREE 👹)

Disclaimer: dangerous amounts of crack ahead. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED hehehe 👹. totally scary topics like rats with…penis??

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Summary: you are Sukuna’s maid and you’re paid to clean his enormous penthouse (and maybe something ELSE enormous but who really knows 👀).

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Good god not the floors again!

Why does Master Sukuna always have me clean the floors?! Like, I could be cleaning literally anything else, but it’s always the floors *cries*.

Maybe he just wants to see my non-existent ass? Who fucking knows at this point.

I rarely see the guy too. It's always a little rear glimpse here and maybe a sliver of hair there

He only tells me these things via text too, like I’ve never heard his voice. The other maids are starting to spread rumors around him.

Some say he’s like ultra hot but an absolute dick but also that he’s like incredibly smart and doesn’t fuck around (his bedsheets really do beg to differ though, like good god the amount of cum stains on his bedspread)

He’s been having female visitors and it always ends with the woman crying and running away (coward).

Some of the maids say his female visitors run away purely from seeing how enormous his cock is. Some even say it's because he continues till the visitor faints, even after they say no.

Another says they run away from his expectations and are only there for their own pleasure

So now he just goes to hotels and such because why bring those women to his house and waste his time

Oh geez, thinking about Master Sukuna made me go toward his room.

Though I know he isn’t home and he didn’t ask me to clean up his room but hey what could be the harm though there’s still flooring in there so technically…

So now I find myself in his room with my jaw hitting the floor with how large it is. I look around more and find a wall full of pictures of women with “x” marks on them.

Is he “thank you next” ing them?!?!

Before I can process, I see a small stash of pictures of the maids.

Oh no, oh no. He isn't-

“And who gave you permission to enter my room?”

I turn around and see him.

Sukuna.

“The floor gang!” I shouted at the strange unfamiliar man, supposedly the master of this house. It was almost as if a quest to get fired popped up.

Sukuna closed his eyes and sighs. He grabs a cigarette and proceeds to smoke. I look at him, wondering if he is going to fire me, or worse.

It was then a tiny little furball scampered across the room. It seemed to be a screaming kitten that appears to have fallen into a trashcan as he was covered in trash.

“QUICK GET THAT RAT” Sukuna screamed, causing me to jolt.

“But master Sukuna why would you have a cat and not see it as such?”I chased the supposed kitten, now fearing for my life.

As I tried to pounce on it, the kitten screamed out a weird noise. “SHEEEEEEESHH”

“Jeez you can’t even catch a small cat, what the fuck did I hire you for again?!?!”

“To make vegan eggs”

“Oh yes. You do make a pretty bussin vegan omlette”

Sukuna laughs, but then realizes something. “Wait…What even the fuck is a vegan omlette?”

“A spicy version of connect 4” I answered snarkily.

“i-I what?”

Sukuna begins to look at me confused, but proceeds to keep his composure.

“Don’t change the subject. Why were you in my room?”

“Well you see…” I looked around the room for an excuse and for a moment I didn’t have one

But catching sight of a statue on the floor that was clearly soiled. “That. I had to clean that, it’s clearly a biohazard.” “This?” Sukuna picks up the statue, showing some sort of mythical creature, a groundhog perhaps? No. A rat. Some will say it is a rat penis.

“Y-yes sir it looked like it made a mess everywhere sir”

“There is no need.” He quickly pocketed the questionable statue. “But since you’re here, I have a favor to ask of you…”

Ooooooh is it finally happening?!?! The moment all of us maids have been waiting for?!?!

“Can you draw what exactly a rat penis is??”

OH WHAT THE HECK??

Before I can even say anything, the world around me begins to fade away. My eyes start to feel exhausted.

“Why am I feeling so… sleepy?”

“I see the drug is finally taking its effect on you”

I look at him, and gasp in shock. No way, how in tarnation was he able to drug me while we talked about the rat penis?

“WHEN DID YOU HAVE TIME TO DRUG ME WHAT THE FUCK?”

“By the very statue that led you here. It was diffusing sleep powder into the air that only works on scrubs like yourself.” Sukuna grinned over my collapsed form on the ground.

I start to feel very dizzy. The last thing i see is Sukuna’s smirking face.

“You shouldn’t have come in here naughty pet”

“Now put these on” He held out a headband with some strange animal ears along with a long pink tail clip thing.

Funny how he thinks I have the strength to do so

LE TIMESKIP

I wake up, for some reason, very sore,

My neck.

My back.

WHY AM I SORE. AND WAIT A MINUTE….

AM I WEARING A RAT COSTUME??

AND TIED UP TO THE BED?!?!?

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

AM I A RAT OR AM I A LADY?!?

I notice a piece of paper next to the bed lamp. The paper said.

Once a rat, always a rat.

I fume in anger.

“Ah, it seems you’ve finally awakened” The monster I've come to know as Sukuna walks in, with the most punchable look on his face. If only I wasn’t tied up like this, I’d send this jerk flying.

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK MAN. I WAS DRUGGED AND YOU DO THIS TO ME? AND WHY IS MY BACK SORE?”

“It’s not my fault you hit the ground too hard.” {hehe you thought us 3 did something there} He walks over with an intense stare especially at the rat costume.

I close my eyes. I look at the handcuffs, and rip it from the bed.

“You really thought this was going to contain me?” mistake number 1 as I would later find out

“This is what it means to go even further beyond!” I charge at Sukuna, not caring for the consequences. “PLUS ULTRA” I swung as hard as I could, but at the last second my back gave out and I became like a worm on the floor writhing in pain. And he dodged it

“Pathetic. Did you expect me to praise you?”

I look at him and give him a matching grin

“No, but look what I have”

I grab the same drug he used on me. His eyes go wide

“Wait-”

I spray it on him and he immediately goes to sleep.

I make sure that he is asleep and immediately run out of the room. I grab my things from the servant quarters and run for it. Various maids looked on as I ran, I realized that I am still wearing the rat costume (AHHH SHIIIIIT).

I then realize that I am like all those other women he fucks with, except dressed like a rat. I cannot be in a room with that… monster.

But is it cowardly to quit? Maybe. Is it the best option for the time being? Yes.

It truly is a shame he’s hot. During our encounter I noticed many MMA awards on his walls on that luscious deep red paint coat.

“I see the rat has found my awards” It was as if Sukuna had teleported behind me.

I jump. HOW THE FUCK WAS HE AWAKE AND I HAD CRASHED?!

“Using my very own rat penis against me… Perhaps you are the one I’ve always been searching for.” With a swift grasp, he grabbed me like a potato sack, but more like a rat sack…

“WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK MAN” I fought against him, pulling his hair like a child.

He pulled me into an embrace, not letting me go.

“You really gotta tone down the rat fetish man”

Sukuna’s grin only widened. “You sure are feisty. I think I’ll keep you, my little rat.” He isn’t fazed in the slightest by my attacks.

I try to think of a smart remark to say back, but I can’t. This weird feeling I am having cannot be described in words.

“You can keep me, but the rats gotta go,” I blurted out without thinking.

“...”

“So you’re saying I can keep you?” Sukuna’s eyes glistened mischievously. Surely he was plotting something to get his way, after all he firmly believed in his favorite quote: “Once a rat, always a rat”.

“NO GET YOUR STUPID RAT PENIS OUT OF MY FACE”

He grabs me by the waist and carries me bridal style (insert wedding music)

Afraid of falling, I instinctively clutched onto him, which caused Sukuna to have the most annoying grin on his face. At this point, I’d much rather be dropped. Afterall the floor is basically my home in this accursed place.

“So my little rat…” Sukuna looked down at me, “Where to next?”

I look at Sukuna.

“The Floor, you dumb rat”

“Who’s the rat now?” I cackle.

The end fool.

Or not 👀.

69 likes and it could happen.

The retuuuuurn of the raaat

#sukuna x reader #sukuna x reader crack #peak fiction #peak comedy #peak crack

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blakbonnet · 6 months

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actual scene from the show that was cut

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 6 months

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I imagine barnaby trying to be all cool and flirting with howyd subtly but his smoke gives him away fjsns

he thinks he's smooth smh...

#cracking up thinking about this ngl #like howdy continues on with work #and whoever's at the table with barn - lets say uhhhh idk julie #is like 'awww your smoke turns pink when you talk to him'#and barn just freezes a la 'excusemeitfuckingWHAT'#aaaand Slam that panic button #bbg didnt know....#rambles from the bog #wh fantasy au #anyway i think ill never draw a better howdy #i squandered my Him points on an au scribble- AN AU SCRIBBLE #ive peaked ill never get any better!#< lie. there's always room for improvement and reaching new heights #on the flip side i had such a rough time with barn #its always an exchange - i can either draw a good howdy or a good barn Never both smh #still though idk How this came out as good as it has i have not drawn in days #nary a line nor doodle to be found...#but covid is wearing off and babey i am BACK!#slowly. it beat me up pretty good ngl #it took me tf out im gonna be extra tired for a while...#but since my congestion has cleared up and im not Hacking and Sniffling anymore #stream soon probably! Normal Stream To Get Back In The Swing Of Things #it feels like ive been sick for a thousand years but i think its been like #three days??? i really dont know...#i hope everyone is doing well and Not getting covid. wear your mask #i wore mine but my stepdad didnt and Look What Fuckin Happened

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scumvillainess · 6 days

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au where shen qingqiu makes the mistake of telling ning yingying that he used to be engaged prior to joining cpms, and like all things related to shen qingqiu everyone in the sect ends up hearing about it.

the problem is that they have all unanimously come to the conclusion that the person that shen qingqiu was engaged to is none other than the sect leader of cpms himself, yue qingyuan.

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hoomanbeaning · 9 days

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"... afraid she was no longer there, and eager to see her, the lover turned his eyes. in an instant she dropped back, and he, unhappy man, stretching out his arms to hold her and be held, clutched at nothing but the receding air. dying a second time, now, there was no complaint to her husband (what, then, could she complain of, except that she had been loved?) ..."

ovid's metamorphoses / orpheus and eurydice

#part one??? of where i compare armandaniel to the tale of orpheus and eurydice #no but like the greeks were at a different plane lmao (at least how ovid deadass made orpheus a shotacon after that tragedy)#i mean yeah historically accurate or whatever but lmao reading that in my greek literature class cracked me tf up #anyway ARMANDANIEL are PEAK ROMANCE #OLD MAN YAOI SUPREMACY!!!#armandaniel #armand x daniel molloy #devil's minion #armand iwtv #daniel molloy #old man daniel #interview with the vampire #interview with the vampire s2 #iwtv spoilers #interview with the vampire spoilers #amc interview with the vampire #amc iwtv #iwtv s2

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livelovecaliforniadreams · 10 months

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neo--queen--serenity · 6 months

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why is he like this

#bsdrewatch2023 #the first few eps of season 1 have so much peak chaotic dazai content. i could not help myself #bungou stray dogs #bsd #osamu dazai #dazai osamu #bsd dazai #dazai bsd #bsd memes #bsd crack #bsd textposts #bsd text posts #neo queen serenity’s memes #bungou gay dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd season 1 #bsd rewatch #bungou stray dogs memes

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fullsunsunoo · 2 years

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Chan & Felix | Stray Kids

Felix is like my other me, Felix is my soulmate

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randomositycat · 2 months

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My favorite thing about Maomao is how often she really dont give a fuck

#apothecary hour #the apothecary diaries #knh #kusuriya no hitorigoto #yeah check this out im using multiple tags #never seen that before #maomao #im watching the e23 dub and it cracks me up #that man hit the floor and she just looked at him #peak unbothered

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riddles-n-games · 25 days

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Y'all, I think you're judging the other players a little too hard 😭. I mean, what if they end up having really cool backstories? For instance, take Odette Morales. Not gonna lie, I already imagined this girl coming to take revenge against Rothbart, she dances ballet, has a killer sense for fashion and justice, is a fashionista that can make her own clothes, has hassling sticky problems and bad sensory issues, and is a nightly superhero. But I digress.

#odette morales #tgg character reveals #tgg sneak peak #hawthorne vault #tig headcanons #tig anecdote #the inheritance games thoughts #thoughts on crack #the inheritance games #the grandest game #tig #tgg

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chaos0pikachu · 1 year

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best moment in BL this year was when porsche flicked kinn’s tiddy and the whole tit went ba-bounce no i will not be taking notes or comments at this time

#kinnporsche #sorry that moment remains peak for me it's so fucking funny #like the whole tit boobily breasted #mile deserves an award for not cracking the fuck up and breaking char #i just know apo was like 'what if i flick his tit' and the director was like omg do it

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katabay · 3 months

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sketchbook / the mabinay spring (2023)

I’ve been busy, so I haven’t had the time to finish up some comics I have in my WIP folder, so it’s time for some traditional art from my sketchbooks! lately I’ve been drawing foods and drinks and just recently got comfortable enough with it to start adding some color to them 🍓🍓🍓

#I may have to keep drawing strawberries forever. I feel such inner peace like yes….YES……strawberries my best friend strawberrries #(I’m actually a raspberry and orange kind of guy when it comes to fruits and citrus but I haven’t cracked the code on drawing raspberries)#the colored ones are from my personal sketchbook so I won’t be sharing much from it in the future #but the one behind it is one I’ve been keeping that I might post pages out of once a month publicly and once a week for patreon #(in the future) that way everyone can see at least a little bit from it but it’s primary function is like a thank u card for patreon suppor #but my personal sketchbook is for Me Only so I’ll probably only every share little peaks once in a blue moon

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chirpsythismorning · 6 months

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This specific frame reminded me of something…

For those who still can’t see it, allow me to elaborate.

#byler #static kiss #the rink o mania lights bouncing off of will's face and the yellow from mike's shirt peaking in the corner #is so real to me #but now comparing it to their actual portraits with this blocking...#i can't unsee it #like tell me why the static kiss looks more like them then my cracked rendition??#maybe bc they're actually kissing in that one and mine is just their faces smashed together #also editing this i felt like a byler back in the day making manips using mileven kissing in s3 lmaooo #this was mostly my unhinged way of trying to visualize what i'm seeing for those that say they can't see it at all #and btw if you don't know what the static kiss is...#i'm sorry i don't feel like explaining it in the tags #just search static kiss on my profile !#and if you still can't see it...#consider yourself lucky

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devildomresidentt · 4 months

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During the borrringgg RAD School hours

MC: There’s this Romance book I’ve been reading, it’s pretty good I think you’d like it!

Satan: Is that so? I’d love to see what you’ve picked out, MC!

MC: I left the book on your Bed, check it out once you get home~

The long-awaited “Romance” book:

#Freaky? Wym Satan this is peak literature 🤨#My MC would be the most out of pocket individual to ever enter The Devildom #I feel like they would all be scared of me and what I’d say next #They definitely wouldn’t let me on the Student council in fear that I’ll say something that’ll start a war between all 3 worlds #obey me satan #obey me mc #obey me #obey me swd #obey me!#obey me nightbringer #obeyme!#obey me crack

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teaposing · 1 year

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x-files and twin peaks have the best genre of man because they aren’t afraid to have a male protagonist whose strengths are being deeply compassionate and being really fucking weird

#the x-files #twin peaks #two shows that cracked the babygirl formula for sure

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sunshine-and-moonshine · 4 months

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Embrace cringe. Accept that there is fun to be had in it. Write the most out of character cracked up bullshit known to man and laugh yourself silly while doing so. Life is far too short to be worrying about things like “this character wouldn’t say that”

#Just my opinion #i think people get too pressed about fanfiction sometimes and that’s kinda depressing #I miss the days of FF.Net where there was just an absolutely fuck ton of crack fic #That. That was peak fanfiction.#“It’s cringe to write a My Little Pony au”#Dahleighlah it was cringe to write FanFiction at all 10 years ago #ghost speaks #Opinion

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