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nanami-says · 3 years

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Part V (2/3): chapters 58~60

Chapter 58

[About Sukuna’s fingers resonating with one another]

"The ones that possess an immense presence. The ones that are hiding. The ones that are already taken in by cursed spirits."

⇒ "1) The ones with too big presences. 2) The ones holding their breath. 3) The ones already absorbed by cursed spirits."

I added the numbers for explanation purposes, see below.

"One of Sukuna's fingers was hidden by a cursed spirit. When Itadori consumed the finger in June, it released its cursed energy"

⇒ "The Sukuna fingers that had been absorbed were holding back their power [while] inside cursed spirits. Then they unleashed their cursed energy with Itadori's incarnation [of Sukuna] in June serving as a trigger."

Whelp. On top of extremely simplifying the explanation, they mixed up the kind of Sukuna finger involved here - it was very explicitly stated in the text that it was number 3) "absorbed" (assimilated) fingers, and not 2) "hiding" fingers.

I guess saying that Itadori consumed the finger isn't wrong plot wise but it's actually referred to (here and many times more in the manga) as "incarnation"! The same word also gets used for the death painting brothers.

[Megumi remembering a conversation with Gojou]

"I was surprised you asked me to train you"

⇒ "It's rare for you to ask me for a practice, Megumi"

"To train you" wasn't wrong but Gojou saying "it's rare" here points to it either happening occasionally or having happened in the past and I'm not sure "I was surprised" quite conveys that.

"Are you feeling pressure because of Yuji's growth?"

⇒ "Did you get impatient after getting surpassed by Yuuji?"

Gojou actually says that Yuuji has surpassed Megumi here! Quite a different nuance from just "Yuji's growth".

"Megumi, your skill and potential are probably higher than Yuji's. All that’s left is the mental aspect"

⇒ “You know, Megumi, I think that both your real ability and potential are in no way inferior to Yuuji's. (...)"

Emphasis mine because pray tell, how does one reach the conclusion that "don't lose out to"/"aren't inferior to" equals to "are probably higher". “Skill” was fine btw but I’d probably go with “mindset” for the last line, personally.

[Gojou explaining why he thinks Megumi doesn’t know how to make a serious effort giving the baseball game as an example]

“Why did you bunt? You sacrificed yourself so that Nobara could advance. Well, good for you"

⇒ "Why did you make a sacrifice bunt? Did you want to advance Nobara to the next base even if it meant you'd be out yourself? That's commendable"

The nuance for the last line was just different - the word used there usually is just used as praise, either genuine or ironic but imo “good for you” has a different meaning. Also he says “out” but it’s written as “death” (although that is sometimes the case in baseball as well.)

“But no matter how many allies you have around you, you'll always die alone"

⇒ “(...) when you die, you’re alone”

I tried to phrase it a bit closer to the original because I feel like the nuance may just be different for this line but can’t quite put a finger on the how.

[Gojou to Megumi]

"To die and then win, and dying victoriously are two completely different things, Megumi"

⇒ "To win by dying and to win even if you die are completely different, Megumi"

Emphasis by Gege. Ngl, I had no clue what the English was trying to say here… This is most likely what the line actually meant.

[Megumi regaining his consciousness after he blacked out from getting hit]

"How long was I out? Was my divine dog destroyed? No, my technique's finished"

Actually "my technique got undone". Putting it as "has finished" is imo both unclear and misleading. Similar situation as in ch. 1 (refer to part I).

[Lead-up to Megumi using a domain expansion for the first time]

"A jujutsu sorcerer's growth never comes easy"

⇒ "The growth curve of a sorcerer isn’t always gentle"

Mostly, the line was more intricate in the original but also the grammatical construction used here that they mistranslated as "never" actually means "not always [necessarily]” instead.

"Here we go!!"

Not really incorrect but it's kinda generic and I guess something like "I'm gonna do it!" is closer nuance wise.

"With a firm base, skill and imagination, a person can change thanks to the slightest of events"

⇒ "A firm foundation, a handful of sense, and imagination. Then, [even] with a most insignificant opportunity, a person will change"

A pity they simplified "a handful of sense" into just "skill" here. Overall not really incorrect but I wanted to propose something that imo better conveys the original wording and vibe.

“Area expansion”

…”area”? What? Obviously this is actually “domain expansion”. I just don’t have words.

“Think bigger! My technique’s interpretation!”

First sentence actually referred to the second one, so it’s actually something like “Expand it!! The technique’s interpretation!!”

[Megumi to the cursed spirit after his shikigami deals it a finishing blow]

"Divine dog's claws even hurt it...You were no match!"

"(...) So something like piercing through you when you're not even paying attention was easy"

Less excitement, more dismissiveness, I’d say? Also, for the divine dog it’s actually specified that it’s “divine dog (totality)” and not just simply “divine dog”. The term appeared before in ch. 47.

Chapter 59

[Megumi talking about what he considers the basic rule for human interactions in a flashback to his middle school years]

"Basically, you shouldn't cross any line that violates another person's dignity. You should acknowledge each other's mutual existence. That's the rule. You ignored it and fed your stupid ego"

⇒ "In short, it's drawing a line in order not to jeopardise one another's dignity; [it’s] a process through which both parties can coexist. That's what the "rule" is”. You broke it, throwing your weight around and forcing everyone to walk on eggshells around you”

For the first sentence, Megumi says “it’s drawing a line”, so the nuance here was probably closer to “creating boundaries” rather than “crossing boundaries” like in the official English release. For the second sentence, the original literally says “the process through which one another’s existence is achieved”, so rather than acknowledging each other’s existence the sentiment is probably closer to live and let live? For the last sentence, they once again simplified it to the barest bones.

"I'll definitely tell Ikezawa and everyone today that we're not their lapdogs"

“You got this, Aida!”

"But we might be the next punching bags, so don't go overboard!"

Should be “Ikezawa and others'' and definitely “that I’m not their errand boy” for the smallest boy’s first line. If all of them were already being treated as errand boys like the way using the plural form here implies, the other student’s reply wouldn’t make sense.

[After Tsumiki sees Megumi has beaten up delinquents once again]

“You said you wouldn’t pick fights anymore”

“You’re not my mom”

⇒ (...) “Don’t act like you’re my guardian”

Imo the distinction is significant because there’s a possibility that Tsumiki as the older of the two probably did feel responsible for Megumi to an extent and acted accordingly, as if she was his guardian.

Also, he doesn’t actually say “mom” - this is not the first time where the official English release opts for a gendered phrase where the original uses a neutral form. (Like making Yuuji say his grandpa was like a dad to him when he actually said parent all the way back in ch. 2.)

[Megumi’s thoughts from back in the middle school]

"I hate bad guys with no brains and zero emotional capability. Walking around feeling proud. Disgusting."

⇒ "I hate bad people. The way they act like they’re superior, with their complete lack of imagination or sensitivity. Disgusting”

I guess I really dislike the way they worded it here, especially the “no brains” part since Megumi wasn’t really talking about intellect or smarts here but about imagination (and sensitivity), which he literally describes as being akin to "vacant lot", "empty lot", "raw land”, which is much more evocative.

"I hate goody-goodies forgiving bad people, justifying mercy. Makes me wanna puke"

⇒ "I hate good people. The way they forgive such bad people and perceive that act of forgiveness as something noble. They make me sick"

Mhm, way to just simplify the heck out of the whole line. I’m extra bothered by their use of “goody-goodies” here since this is yet another appearance of a rather formal word for “good person” (善人/zennin) in the original and which I’ve observed to be a very important part of the world-building in jjk. I discuss it at length in various previous installments, with notable examples including: ch. 9 (Megumi about Yuuji and about the kind of people he wants to save - part I), ch. 31 (Nanami and Yuuji’s conversation in the aftermath of the Junpei incident - part III 2/2), ch. 36 (Panda about Yuuji - part IV 2/5).

“Tsumiki, you’re a perfect example of a good person.”

See, the word he uses here to describe Tsumiki is the same as in the line above (善人) but because back then it got translated as “goody-goodies”, you’d never guess it since the vibes are just that different.

[Megumi reminiscing about meeting Gojou for the first time]

"In the first grade, my dad and Tsumiki's mom got married and separated just as quickly"

⇒ "When I was in the first grade of elementary school my father and Tsumiki’s mother, our respective single parents, got together and disappeared into thin air"

The original doesn’t mention marriage OR separation. Heck, especially for the second one, it doesn’t even come close to mentioning it?? I have no clue where they got this from.

What I put as “got together” can also be translated as “to have a liaison with (a man or a woman)” (among others). Since Tsumiki’s surname is also “Fushiguro” in middle school, it’s possible that they were actually married and many Japanese fans seem to think that as well but it’s not explicitly stated, at least not here, so those are most likely speculations.

As for mysterious “separation”, the word used here actually means "disappearance (of people intentionally concealing their whereabouts); unexplained disappearance", so imo the whole section means their parents got together and at some point both disappeared. As we learn at one point in the manga Touji first and Tsumiki’s mum sometime later.

(Btw, one fan scanlation used “evaporation” here instead and while this is another possible translation of the word in question, imo from the context it’s clear that the intended meaning was the “unexplained disappearance” instead.)

Lastly, Megumi uses kind of formal expressions when referring to both his own dad and Tsumiki’s mum, which imo is indicative of the emotional distance.

[Tiny Megumi about teenager Gojou]

"A weirdo with white hair said"

⇒ "A suspicious man with white hair"

Needless to say, he doesn't actually call Gojou a weirdo.

[Gojou about Touji]

"But he's a loser that just works for me. He left the family and had you."

⇒ "He's enough of a good-for-nothing to take aback even me. Basically, he left home and then had you."

Emphasis mine. Again, I literally have no clue where they got the translation they went with for this. “Works for me” - just what?? (Btw, one of the fan scans available for this had the latter part of this line mistakenly imply that Gojou had Megumi leave his house. The bit definitely referred to Touji leaving the Zen’in family.)

"You're something your dad used against the Zen'in family. His trump card"

⇒ “You’re something your father kept as his strongest card against the Zen’in family”

A bit of a different nuance than “your dad used” suggests.

"The divorce money makes sense now. I was sold to this Zen'in family"

⇒ "The mystery behind the funds for their disappearance got solved. Apparently, I was sold to this Zen’in family or something"

Again, the word for “divorce” doesn’t make an appearance ANYWHERE in this chapter, least of all this page. ...How.

Once again - fan scans had this as money that also evaporated but neither it nor the official English release make sense, considering the line is followed up by “I was sold” as the explanation. So yeah, imo the first sentence definitely referred to the money Megumi considered necessary for Touji (and co’s) disappearance.

[Gojou referring to Touji basically selling Megumi off]

"Sucks, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it's annoying. Especially your attitude."

⇒ “It pisses you off, doesn’t it”

“Yeah, it does piss me off. Especially that lack of delicacy of yours”

I mentioned it multiple times but imo repetition in the original text tends to be done on purpose and as a device and imo this was another example where this was the case. Megumi borrows Gojou’s words here. (Which mean “to be irritated, “to be angry” and not “it sucks”.)

[Megumi continuing about Gojou]

"But that annoying guy wrote off the situation with the Zen'in family. He made a promise that we would work as sorcerers in the future. We would be collateral and receive financial support from Jujutsu High in exchange."

⇒"This man pisses me off, but it was him who cancelled the deal with the Zen'in family, and made it so we would receive financial support from the technical college with me working as a sorcerer in the future [serving] as collateral for it”

I don’t know why they’d translate it as “we would work” here since who the “we” would be supposed to even entail other than Megumi himself? Surely not Tsumiki. Or Gojou. Also, putting the next bit as “we would be collateral” makes it sound kind of dehumanising to me, ngl, whereas Megumi was talking about his labour here.

Also, the same phrase for “pisses off” as above got used once again, which makes it three times in a row, so imo that was definitely a deliberate stylistic choice on Gege’s part.

“Jujutsu sorcerers. How stupid.

⇒ "Sorcerers, what even. How nonsensical"

Just proposing an alternate wording.

[Megumi about the curse Tsumiki got hit by]

"All we knew was that we didn't know anything. Tsumiki still sleeps."

The word used to describe Tsumiki’s state literally means “became bedridden”, which imo heavily implies she fell into a coma. “Still sleeps” is most likely a misunderstanding on the translator’s part since the word sounds like it’d mean that (but it doesn’t.)

[Megumi about Tsumiki]

"Always smiling and saying nice things"

⇒ “Always smiling and spouting lip service”

Another case where the translator seems to have translated the word based on the way it’s written as opposed to checking the actual meaning. (The “nice things” phrase.)

"It's not a bad thing to not forgive people. Megumi, that's your way of showing kindness."

⇒ “Not being able to forgive people isn’t a bad thing. That’s your kindness, Megumi”

It wasn’t just “not to forgive” but “not being able to forgive”! Which imo would imply the next line’s nuance was something similar to Tsumiki considering Megumi’s inability to forgive people to be something that stems from his kindness (e.g. because he can’t stand seeing injustice).

"Even spinning my short-comings in a positive light."

⇒ “She would affirm even my nature"

Imo this line was more of Tsumiki accepting Megumi as he is or at least that’s what the line says - makes sense with what I proposed for the line above too. Translating it the way they did in the official release kind of feels like overinterpreting.

"But even she would get upset when I hurt somebody. I was annoyed by the hypocrisy"

⇒ "But even such Tsumiki would get genuinely angry (...). I would get annoyed thinking she was a stickler to the rules and a hypocrite"

Emphasis mine. The phrase that the translators seem to have skipped here and I translated as "stickler to the rules" literally means "to play it safe", "to avoid trouble at all cost".

"Yeah, I know. I was immature. I'm sorry so please wake up already"

“I’m sorry, I was a brat. I’ll apologise so just wake up already, stupid older sister”

Just a different nuance and tone for the whole line.

"All I did was get rid of the Yasohachi bridge curse. My sister's sleeping curse is a separate matter."

⇒ "This Yasohachi bridge curse was probably only overlapping with it, and the curse that caused Tsumiki to fall into a coma probably hasn't been lifted"

The official English release makes it sound like sleeping (or more correctly, the coma) was the nature of the curse that Tsumiki was put under, whereas imo the original indicates it just as its effect, which is an important distinction.

“As for the finger and Itadori…”

⇒ “What should I tell Itadori about the finger...”

The “tell”, “say” is only implied here but it’s pretty clear from the context that was the meaning. Also, he explicitly says “to Itadori” here.

[After the Yasohachi bridge curse got defeated by Megumi who then retrieved the Sukuna finger from it]

"All of sudden I feel a presence. Did the finger get out of the barrier? Whoever took out the finger bearer is quite formidable."

⇒ “The huge presence that appeared all of sudden... Did Sukuna's finger get out of the barrier? If it was a sorcerer that exorcised the finger's host, they must be quite good......."

Emphasis mine on bits that got cut out in the official release. Because Esou was facing off Nobara, he probably assumed it’s likely there may be other sorcerers present and imo that’s what this line also suggests.

"Even so... The finger... Even if they fought against a special-grade and won, They more than likely didn't come out of it unscathed. I hope they're okay."

Just to clarify that the word used for “they” in the original indicates the speaker knows the people in question, so those were Nobara’s thoughts here.

Chapter 60

[Esou to Yuuji and Nobara after he activates his wing king technique]

“Start running and turn your backs to me”

“Run. With your backs turned to me” would fit better nuance and mood wise. (Esou didn’t want to show his back to anyone so now he’s’ forcing them to show theirs.)

[Nobara to Yuuji after he scooped her up because she couldn’t run as fast as he could]

“I got your back”

“Okay”

“Okay” isn’t incorrect per se but the word has the nuance of “I’m counting on you”.

[Nobara to Yuuji after he speeded through the forest while carrying her, allowing them to escape from Esou's technique]

"Well done, you deserve some praise"

“Yeah, yeah”

“Just kidding. Thanks!”

⇒ "You have my praise." (...)

Actually a set phrase! Spoken from a rather elevated/superior POV, which is why Nobara later reiterates that she’s genuinely thankful. Also, I probably would just go with a period for “Thanks”, imo nuance wise it didn’t require an exclamation mark and it’s not there in the original either.

[Esou after Yuuji gets splashed with Kechizu’s blood]

"There's no need to worry. My younger brother's blood isn't the same quality as mine"

Actually "doesn't have the same properties like mine”.

"You wouldn't even die from mine unless you were drowned in it."

Much closer to something like "unless you were to bathe your whole body in it".

"But it does hurt like hell"

⇒ "But it does hurt to death"

Not really wrong meaning wise but in the original it was “to death” instead of “like hell”, which combined with a previous line was probably a wordplay. "You won't die but it does hurt to death"

[Esou explaining how his and Kechizu’s shared technique works]

"If you take in one of our brother's blood and if one brother activates a technique"

Idk if it's clear here but it most likely doesn't matter which brother does which (could even be the same one). Also, definitely should’ve been “the” or “this” for technique, since Esou has just stated on the same page he’s now going to start laying out how a specific technique of he and his brother’s functions.

[Esou replying to Yuuji]

"Yes, the result is essentially poison. Our technique is 'decomposition'"

Should be “but what our technique is, is actually ‘decomposition’” nuance wise.

"It's activated now. In reality they'll be dead faster than that”

⇒ “Done with technique disclosure, so in reality (...)”

Emphasis mine. You know, the rule in jujutsu where if you explain your technique to your opponent, it gets a buff? “Activation” is just wrong here.

While it’s not phrased as such, the phenomenon is first explained in ch. 20 during Nanami’s explanation to Yuuji (refer to part II 2/2). It also gets mentioned by name later in the manga but oftentimes the official release would either skip it or word it completely differently so it’s hard to tell, like in ch. 51, when Hanami realises Toudou has lied to him (part IV 5/5).

[The history of how cursed wombs came to be]

"[In the beginning of the Meiji era] there was a girl with special genetic makeup who bore a cursed-spirit child"

Actually “with an idiosyncrasy that allowed her to get pregnant with the child of a cursed spirit”! Imo an important distinction since it’s not certain whether her first child that gets discussed here was born prematurely or not and the following pregnancies were all aborted.

"A child born of mixed blood - both cursed spirit and human.”

Skipped “grotesque child” at the end.

“It was a mysterious pregnancy. She would be ostracized by family and friends.”

⇒ "Starting from a pregnancy she had no recollection of, [followed by] the oppression from her kith and kin, it made her go insane"

This latter part of this section is filled to the brim with complicated language so I’m not entirely sure but I think this might’ve been the intended meaning of the line. The official translators were probably struggling with the vocabulary too, so they cut out some stuff entirely, to be precise - the go insane part. It’s the bit I’m not certain about myself but I scoured Japanese dictionaries and that’s the meaning that seemed to be the best fit among the options.

Anyway, to reiterate - the bit about the pregnancy actually says that the girl herself didn’t even know (couldn’t remember) how it came to be. The part about the relatives doesn’t mention friends, it’s actually a set phrase that means “one's relatives by blood and marriage (in blood and law); one's kith and kin” - I went here with the latter since it’s shorter and fits the overall vibe of the line.

“She would hold the corpse of the child and flee to a temple in the mountains. The temple was run by jujutsu sorcerers. However, her luck had run out."

⇒ “(...) However, this was when her luck run out”

Other than the nuance in the last line, this isn’t mistranslated but the whole section just flowed differently in the original and felt less disjointed.

Also! One of the scanlations I’ve seen had it misspelled as “Noshitori” but the evil sorcerer’s name is actually “Kamo Noritoshi” (and yes, it’s the same as the young Kamo but the “toshi” is written with different characters).

"The child born from a cursed spirit and human would become a prisoner of intellectual curiosity"

⇒ "His [Kamo Noritoshi's] intellectual curiosity would be taken captive by children born between a cursed spirit and a human"

Very much the other way around. It's very clear in the original that the subject of the sentence was Kamo's intellectual curiosity and not the child.

"Death painting wombs: numbers 1-3. Cursed objects worthy of special grade."

Closer to "cursed objects powerful enough to be classified as special grade"

"Did cursed energy originate from a mother's hatred? No..."

It's specified here as "did their cursed energy" instead (emphasis mine), and the question is actually left unanswered......................................................... So yeah, congrats on getting rid of this very intended ambiguity. It's something like "or was it maybe--"

[About cursed wombs]

"For 150 years, with only the notion of one another's existence, they would survive, sealed away"

⇒ "For 150 years, they endured the seal, relying only on one another's existence"

"The notion" just doesn't capture the sentiment of the line at all, which imo is most likely the follow-up to the narrator's musings about the origin of the death painting's immense cursed energy. (See above.)

"We're siding with that cursed spirit."

Actually "siding with them", read as "them" but written as "the cursed spirits" - probably plural as the original literally says "the side of the cursed spirits", so it possibly means cursed spirits as a whole as well, aside of Mahito and co specifically. Remember, the brothers are actually half-humans too. I explain in depth the “written as but read as” device in part IV 4/5 (ch. 48, Toudou’s “my friend” phenomenon).

"The future that the cursed spirits have painted is more suited for us. But that's it. Forget about what we owe for our freedom"

Not incorrect per se but Chousou actually says “forget the debt we owe them of our incarnation”, which would make it yet another instance where the official English release has cut out the term entirely. (Emphasis mine.)

[Nobara after stating that a technique that assures a win as long as it hits an opponent is indeed powerful]

"I'm a bad match for you!!"

Actually “the worst match [possible]” - more confidence in the line!

[Nobara to the death painting brothers after using Resonance on herself thus redirecting their attack back at them]

"Let's play a game of chicken, shall we?"

The actual wording is “contest of endurance”, I’m not entirely sure if the two have the same connotation.

[part v (3/3)]

#JujutsuKaisen #jjk #Jujutsu Kaisen #jjk translation #jjktranslation

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hollyhomburg · 4 years

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Reasons Wretched and Divine (Part 3)

↪ Genre: hybrid au, polyamory au, Hurt/Comfort, Recovery, pregnancy

↪ Pairing: dog hybrid! Namjoon x Reader x Golden Retriever! Jimin

↪ Summary: You live on an isolated but sprawling farm with your abusive husband. But things start to change for the better when you adopt a retired police dog hybrid named Namjoon.

↪ Tags: Mentions of psychological abuse, physical abuse, concussions, hurt/comfort, hybrid mistreatment, Jimin is a little hopeless, first time saying i love you, heavy kissing/touching over clothes, pregnancy, overprotective namjoon, romanticized farm life.

↪ Song rec: Zero o'clock ~ BTS

↪ W/c: 5.9k

🐾 PART 1 🐾 PART 2 🐾

- Taehyung’s smile, waiting to welcome any hybrid to the farm and offer them a bunk and a cup of tea or coffee, does wonders for your retention rate at the farm.

- Pretty soon more hybrids are staying more nights or asking you how long they can stay. And you always reply “as long as you need too” (though there are a few who just only stay a few days to rest and recuperate and then move on, the deer hybrids are particularly nomadic) but the bunk beds in the first finished barn fill up over the course of the first month.

- It's you who has the idea to put up ads in newspapers and at bus stops for humans who want to help hybrids but can’t take any in. You get quite a few calls from people who have seen their neighbors beating their hybrids, or who have found injured hybrids along the road.

- You even get a call from a hospital at one point. Pet stores call too- having picked up hybrids from the streets, or have hybrids that have grown too old- haven’t been adopted after a few months or like they call it ‘excess stock’. Even though it seems horrible to think of them that way, to most of the world hybrids are little more than possessions.

- You and Namjoon always drive and pick whoever it is up rain or shine. You get calls in the middle of the night and have to leave immediately despite the fact that you’re getting more obviously pregnant day by day, and your baby bump fully visible to outsiders, unconcealable under all but the baggiest of shirts.

- Namjoon’s slowly growing collection of red flannel shirts (really he only likes the red ones) is your favorite thing to raid on the days that you’re feeling particularly self-conscious about your body. And it always makes your puppy a certain kind of needy, wanting to have you close always (which is a plus, not that you’d ever tell Namjoon what his whines do to you)

- When it comes to giving up unwanted hybrids, Very few people argue with the crazy pregnant lady and her intimidating hybrid with the scarred face. And if they do argue, a stack of money is usually enough to convince even the most reluctant of people to part with their hybrids.

- The most you’ve ever had to pay an owner to give up their already unwanted hybrid is around 1,000 dollars, and too you- they’re worth much more than that. to see the way they change when they suddenly find themselves safe for the first time in their lives- it’s priceless to you and namjoon.

- It breaks your heart when you take them home, and the first few days, where they watch everything like it might disappear, when they walk on eggshells of their old lives, so worried that they’re going to be thrown out. When they hoard food worried it’s going to be taken away, flinch at every raised hand. it breaks your heart, but it also makes you feel accomplished when they slowly start to heal, start to laugh louder than they ever have, start to joke and play over meal times, seak you out for a reassuring heat pet.

- And although you hold more than a dozen certificates of ownership at a time, you’re clear to any hybrid that walks onto your property that they’re their own person, that they owe you nothing and that their freedom and autonomy will be given the second they ask for it.

- No matter who they are or where they came from, their age, what kind of ears they have on the top of their heads, they are given a bunk, a fresh change of clothes (or two) and at least 2 meals a day. though- mealtimes are easily the hardest part of your operation and the thing that gives you the biggest headache. Making sure you’ve made enough food for everyone after the bunk beds fill up very very quickly when word starts to get around in the stray community.

- luckily- you had the forethought to expand your kitchen, and now you have 3 ovens, a larger than average dishwasher, 2 sinks, and industrial-sized refrigerators in the cellar. Meals become the most important and most involved part of your day. You’re thankful that a few of the hybrid who has come to stay with you- particularly the cat hybrids, seems to have a knack for cooking who often let themselves into the first level of your house before the sun rises- their nocturnal inclinations useful for once.

- it’s quite the shock, the first day you walk downstairs at 6am, intent on starting breakfast, only to find 3 cat hybrids- one arrived yesterday- a middle-aged forest cat with little tufts on the end of her ears named Heesun, who is already pressing a warm cup of tea into your hands and telling you to sit down. The rest of the cats buzzing around your kitchen, the smell of frying vegetables and eggs already tickling at your nose. “are you sure you’ve got everything?”

- “of course! when the others told me that you usually cook the food in the mornings- i didn’t think that was right you see- you’re doing so much for us here- let us do this” you watch as she divides labor, the other two cat hybrids following her lead, you ask, and the hybrid tells you she used to be a cook for the family she used to live with. you don’t ask what emancipated her out of their care, Heesun had shown up on the edge of the farm yesterday with a noticeable limp.

- It’s not surprising to you that after a few days Heesun asks you if she can become a permanent resident of the farm. Any hybrid is free to leave when they want but most choose to stay and contribute. It’s a little surprising, the first day you walk out your front door to find one of the hybrids sweeping up some leaves, or when one of them comes to get Namjoon’s help repairing the side of one of the barns.

- At first- both of you are adamant apposed to them helping, but Taehyung helps mediate between the main house and the hybrids in the barns. And the 10 or so that have stuck around who express to you that it would make them feel more comfortable staying here if they could help out.

- And it’s not like you don’t need the help- because really, as the population of the farm exceeds 20, you really really do.

- They mostly run the chore system themselves, Namjoon and Taehyung keep a running list of chores that need to be done and guide a few groups in the morning that want to work. All hybrids who stay contribute in some way, Weather that is with the bunny hybrids that run around doing laundry and sweeping, and cleaning to their heart's content or the bear hybrids led by Taehyung. Everyone has their jobs.

- You have three bear hybrids in total, Tae, a small honey-colored bear named Beomgyu, and a panda hybrid named Jackson that help you collect the honey from beehives and sell it at the farmers market. Though Taehyung manages to eat more honey than they sell somehow and is constantly scolded by both Jackson and Namjoon (Even if the beehives where his idea). Most of the time when you see him- Tae has sticky cheeks.

- But Namjoon will basically let Taehyung get away with anything, seeing as the hybrid contributes the most to making the farm run smoothly. Taehyung is always egger to help you with anything that needs to be done unable to keep still. Whether that be runs to the store with you to buy mountains of food needed to feed everyone, Coupon clipping, or the general wrangling and organization. The more technical things, like fixing up some of the other buildings, like the chicken coop and actual animal barns that have fallen into disrepair, are left mostly to namjoon.

- You’re given nearly 30 chickens and half a dozen sheep by a local after the owners of them get too old to properly take care of them. As much as they’re a headache access to more than three dozen eggs a day helps to cut down the cost of breakfast significantly. And you’re happy with the chickens because at the very least they aerate the soil and keep it free of bugs too, even if it means you need to fence in the vegetable garden that you’re cultivating to keep them away from the tomatoes.

- Scrambled eggs with bacon, breakfast burritos, frittatas, and fried eggs are some of your breakfast staples. And you get more than a little help from some of the hybrids who have experience in cooking during meal times to feed the nearly 50 occupants of the farm by the end of the second month.

- You’ve accumulated a few dog hybrids as well, Wide-eyed collie Dahyun, chow-chow Yugyeom, and muscly great-dane hybrid Shownu who help Namjoon whenever something needs to be moved, as well as an assortment of rare breeds like the lone alpaca hybrid Seokjin who takes care of the sheep when you have to shear them and spin the wool into fine quality yarn.

- Seokjin is a quiet hybrid, uncannily taciturn despite his kind face. he can often be found in the workshop at the south end of the property, his hair blonde and poofy hiding his soft pink ears. Piling the mountains of wool into vats of dyes and setting others out to dry, whistling along to the radio as he weaves it. the hybrid is quiet- and prefers his space from the bustle of the center of the property. Namjoon likes to help him when he can, and you’ve seen the way that the usually taciturn hybrid turns smiley when namjoon is around.

- There is always someone volunteering to do the countless other little jobs and things that the hybrids do or make to help give back to you. Most of them want to do as much as they can, even though there are still days where there simply isn’t a lot of work to do outside of mealtimes.

- At night, when you retreat to your house after dinner with Namjoon, happy for a little bit of calmness in your kitchen so late. You’ll hold his hand, let him spin you to the tune of whatever plays out of the radio, and thank him for finding you again after you disappeared into yourself for a little while after your husband's death. You don’t feel quite so sad anymore, with the hybrids here- you have a purpose again.

- The large fortune you have from your late husband is barely dented by the start-up costs and day-to-day costs of running the farm. And since you got licensed by the state as a hybrid rehabilitation center you have no shortage of funding or generous donations by the countries rich looking to deduct from their taxes too. The same rich people that stop by in their fancy cars and barely used trucks to see the farm, often asking to adopt, as enamored with the hybrids as you are.

- There is a long judgment period before you sign over anyone, and more than once you have declined an offer after the hybrid in question tells you they’re unsure. Sometimes there are red flags, the way the children act almost fearful, and a lack of care shown during mealtimes or something else that leads you to believe that they will be neglected. The ones you do part with give you a hug, often almost not wanting to let go, some of them choking out ‘thank you’s’ and ‘please never close’ that make every bit of effort worth it.

- You keep a logbook, of every hybrid that comes to stay and when they leave, even some come back more than once, every now and then. At the top of the page is namjoon’s signature, and next is taehyungs, and then on and on. you fill up the first page, and then the second, and then the third with names.

- All the hybrids know that they won't leave with anyone unless they want to. You hold adoption weekends every month or so to help mitigate some of the influx, but you never turn anyone away who comes to stay. There are some hybrids that come stay at the farm and still want a home of their own, which is the primary reason why you start to have open houses and adoption weekends.

- You devise a system, red tags on clothing to indicate a hybrid that doesn’t want to be adopted, yellow for the ones that might be but need space, and green name tags for those who want to be adopted.

- The first time you have one of these weekends, 3 months after the death of your husband, you leave Namjoon’s choice of which sticker he wants up to him. He rolls his eyes at you before slapping 5 red stickers on his lapel just for good measure, really? Why would you expect any differently?

- “Whose going to love a washed-up old soul like me anyway?” Namjoon says over dishes, helping you finish up the few that are leftover from breakfast. The hybrids that normally help are out meeting with the ten or so people that have come to adopt today. The words sound so sour, much more than he wanted them too.

- You snort, rubbing at a dish harder, splashing the grease onto the front of your apron, angry, maybe it’s just the hormones. “I don’t know, me maybe.” Namjoon looks up abruptly; nearly dropping the dish he’s drying. You take it from his hands and put it on the counter, and you might be smaller than him by nearly a foot but he still feels shy. his cheeks pinking as he looks down at you.

- “No ones- no ones ever loved me.” Namjoon says in a rush, not sure why he’s saying it, because you know- if anyone in the world knows Namjoon it’s you. your batterd soul matches his.

- You tilt his chin down to yours, “no one has ever said it to me and meant it either. But I love you Joonie- you have to know that by now- of course I want you to stay for good.”

- And then suddenly Namjoon is kissing you feverishly, sloppily despite the fact that his body is brimming with careful intent. And it may not be the first kiss you’ve shared- there have been more than a few in the shadowed shared moments In the morning. Mostly chaste pecks of the lips or kisses to your forehead or the ones to your tummy that namjoon knows make you feel a little sad. But for all intents and purposes, this is the only kiss that matters. The kisses that come after the first “I love you” are always sweeter than candy.

- You thread your fingers through his hair and pull, making tingles erupt like starlight down his spine. Namjoon almost growls into your mouth as he reaches down to grip underneath your thighs where your ass meets your hips. Picking you up as gently as he can manage and placing you on the butcher-block countertop next to the sink.

- Your nails rubbing along the curve where his ears connect to his scull and he pulls you closer, always closer, dissatisfied with your nearness even though you’re pressed against him completely and he can feel the gentle swell of you through his clothes. your legs parted so he can step between them. Namjoon wants to not be able to tell where your skin begins and his ends. Your hands run up and down his chest, pushing his flannel off of his shoulders, so you can feel his biceps, the strength there in them taught.

- Your dress hiking up to the point where it’s verging on lewd as his hands grab fistfulls of your plush thighs. He grips the weight you’ve gained there through your pregnancy and almost groans as he smooth’s his hands up over your curves unable to get enough of the way his fingers press into your supple skin. “Fuck, do you know how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that? To touch you? i love you too- so much it hurts sometimes.”

- You’re looking up at him, already looking needy and wrecked the spaghetti strap of your dress sliding off your shoulder, as you nod and Namjoon wants more than anything to keep kissing you, to never stop, he never will if you let him.

- He feels like he almost wants to devour you nipping lightly at the skin exposed by that fallen strap. As your fingers hover around the nape of his neck, answering his question with a broken whimper as he nips along your clavicle to your neck. Drunk on the smell of you, feeling like his soul is bare but safe in your hands. “I love you- god I love you so much, please can - can i- touch you?”

- You feel almost incredulous, you head spinning with the knowledge that Namjoon loves you, he loves you, and you love him. You nod your ascent, and After everything, you’d never honestly believed that you’d ever be kissed again, much less that you’d ever be kissed like this. You tug up the hem of his shirt to dig your fingers into hips, dragging them carefully down his stomach without using your nails, the gentleness of the touch making him groan.

- You can feel his heartbeat in your fingertips, the rapid rhythms of each heart beating in time as Namjoon kisses down your chest, mouthing roughly at your nipple through the fabric, careful not to nip, you’re already keening, your breasts so sensitive to his gentle but hungry ministrations.

- Before it can go any further a cat hybrid, a small tortashell cat named Irene whose missing the tip of one of her ears from her last owner opens the front door looking for you- announcing a few people come for the open house, shocked to find the scene before her. And before she can manage more than a squeak Namjoon is snarling at her to leave without words.

- He’s flushing so hard at being caught that you can’t help but laugh, as he turns from sultry to painfully shy. After a few more kisses and a frustrated groan on his part, you go back outside to join the adoption day festivities.

- You get the call to pick up a golden retriever hybrid much like you would get any other call.

- It’s the second you’ve gotten in the last week and it’s only Thursday, though the first hybrid of the week has been clear that she wants to be re-adopted as soon as possible. You get the call and a blurry picture as proof, a brutish man with a hand tugging a small blonde head with golden ears as curly as the rest of his head. the neighbor tells you he’d seen the man beat the hybrid out in the yard, heard his cries of stop- and though of your add in the paper.

- You and namjoon leave soon after dinner in your old red truck, before you go Taehyung assures you that he’ll make sure everyone cleans up from dinner and that the two child hybrids that came to stay last week will be in bed before 10. It honestly endears you that Taehyung takes on an older brother role with a lot of the younger hybrids, who during free hours, can be found bothering the bear hybrid to play games or let them steal spoonful’s of honey from the storeroom.

- The drive is long, the day fading into night as you and Namjoon take mile after mile to heart. He switches off with you on the straightaways. You’ve been trying to teach him how to drive over the past few months (with many quaint misshapes where he accidentally knocked over your mailbox and a street sign or two, it’s a good thing your old truck is incredibly sturdy).

- You whistle along with the song on the radio and namjoon smiles over at you, you're leaning your cheek on the door, hanging your head out of the open window the warm spring air tickling your long hair, your smile soft and happy. The love he has for you overflowing in his chest, thick and sweet like hidden honey. He might not say he loves you often, but you can taste it on his lips every time he kisses you, since the first confession, the kisses have come every day.

- Namjoon still gets a little misty-eyed if he thinks about it too much. How much better you’ve gotten in the past few months since you’ve opened your home and started helping hybrids. He knows what it means for you to be able to help others out of situations like this.

- With most pick-ups and house calls, you’re never sure what you’re driving into. Namjoon is always a little worried, unsure what kind of danger they’re going to find at the end of their journey.

- Namjoon always anticipates the day that the human owners become violent, and his protective instincts go haywire whenever Namjoon has to leave you near someone abusive. Dredging up memories from a time that you’re both desperately trying to forget, but he’d never ask you to stop coming on these runs.

- This is why when you get to the house on the edge of the city where Namjoon used to work he lets you handle the transactional part of this, it helps that you’re very convincing.

-The large jean jacket that was Namjoon’s at one point but has become yours pulled snugly over your stomach. You answer the door, talk to the owner weave a story of a widow who needs help on their farm. The man smells distinctly of alcohol and cheep cigars, namjoon sees you holding your breath- even as the conversation becomes less than cordial. Namjoon stops the door from closing in your face by shoving his foot into the door.

- “I’ll level with you asshole,” you say, “you can either take my money and hand over the hybrid now- or I can go to the police with this” you hold out your phone and the video. “The fine for abusing hybrids is just about as much as what I’m offering to take him off your hands. Either way he’s coming home with me tonight. You can either make 500 dollars tonight or lose it- your choice.”

- Through the whole conversation, Namjoon stands behind you, a silent sentinel even as the owner of the hybrid raises his voice. You argue more, but eventually, he agrees. Namjoon goes to retrieve the hybrid after a small nod from you; you’ve got this handled, Namjoon follows his nose.

- Over the past few years, Jimin has become accustomed to just about every kind of abuse there is.

- Even when he sleeps, adrenaline lugs it’s way through his veins ready to jump at the slightest indication of his owner coming down the hall. He knows he shouldn’t sleep right now, get it when he can, but the concussion he got earlier today makes his head feel heavy and nausea still rolls in his belly.

- He lies- hides- underneath his bed; an old military cot in the cold garage. Not that he ever sleeps on top of it- it’s safer to sleep underneath. That way if his owner comes in later at night he’ll think Jimin has fucked off to some other corner of the house.

- He knows the concussion is all his own fault- he’d been stupid- but he’d just wanted to shower, to get some of the grime out from under his fingernails, he hadn’t expected his owner to come back from wherever he disappeared to so soon. Jimin shivers as he remembers the jarring crack of his own head hitting the rocks outside where he’d been tossed outside. His memories after that were muddled with pain, though he was certain he’d vomited at one point from the taste in his mouth.

- You weren’t supposed to sleep when you had a concussion right? That was dangerous right? Jimin was trying to remember, lying on the side of his face that wasn’t bruised to all high heaven. He freezes when he hears the voices in the kitchen, but relaxes. If people are here that means his owner probably won’t bother Jimin tonight.

- he might be able to get to the bathroom later and dab some cool water on his face, maybe sneak a few handfuls of something from the kitchen. Always small portions so that his owner couldn’t tell Jimin had taken anything- he couldn’t handle another beating so close to this one. Hunger eats his way through his stomach.

- But then he hears the footsteps and thinks that maybe he isn’t so lucky tonight. he presses himself closer to the wall, tucking his knees up to his chest.

- But why are the footsteps a different pattern, what is that scent? it smells like another hybrid- a little spicy musk twined in with pine. Jimin doesn’t like strange smells. The door opens slowly, and the scent seeps in further, along with- what could that be? The scent of something delicate and sweet clinging to the hybrid as strong as his own scent, milky and soft, and inexplicably vulnerable.

- He watches as the stiff workboots come into view, At this point, jimin can tell that it’s definitely not his owner.

- Namjoon finds Jimin curled up under his bed in the garage, and beacons him out in his calm voice, careful not to get close and startle him. “Come on out pup- we’re here to take you somewhere safe, I promise I will let no harm come to you again.” jimin eases when he sees the hybrid ears- another hybrid like him! another dog, his tail gives a single wag. “mm not a pup- i’m just small,”

- Jimin pears out from under the bed at him, ears pinned to his head in fear. the hybrid looks fierce and intimidating with the scars on his face that jimin almost flinches back. But the wide worried eyes that he can see underneath those scars, the muted dimples stretching into a worried smile.

- Jimin has been so downtrodden on his entire life that he doesn’t really believe Namjoon when he repeats the words, “we’re here to take you somewhere safe?” jimin dosent believe him- but at the same time, he thinks that nowhere could be worse than right where he is.

- The other hybrids smile is kind, and dimply, despite the scars that mark his face as he sits on the ground so he dosent have to bend over to see under the cot. “sorry, it’s hard to get a good look at you, i’m namjoon, you’re Jimin right?”

- Jimin crawls out from under his cot in the garage slowly, the room spinning. half expecting the other hybrid to get tired of his slowness and yank him out. his owner did that sometimes when he felt like Jimin was being disrespectful of his time. Namjoon winces outwardly when Jimin’s left side turns towards the light, and Jimin knows that it can’t look good. He can barely see out of his eye after all the skin tender and swolen under his hands.

- He’s mindful of all the dust on his clothes and the tare in the left leg of his red shorts, brushing a dust bunny off his side, suddenly feeling lacking in front of the well taken care of hybrid.

- He follows a pace behind Namjoon back into the living room, his owner stands with you, you’re shorter but holding your own with sharp stubborn eyes. A human, so this must be Namjoon’s owner. The second your eyes fall on Jimin, on his swollen side of his face, your eyes turn softer and definitely angrier.

- The scent of flowers and cream hits Jimin like a wave so pungent that it fills his nostrils and overwhelms him a little, it’s not unpleasant- just unexpected- and when he sees you he understands why. Though you’re obviously trying to conceal your pregnant stomach your scent is a dead giveaway every hybrid in a mile radius probably can smell you.

- Jimin can see Namjoon straighten up a little, becoming more protective the closer they get to Jimin’s owner, who doesn’t look happy (not by a long, astronomical shot) Jimin shivers as he turns his eyes on him, his arms crossed, and Namjoon instinctually steps in front of Jimin to hide him from view. Jimin sways on his feet.

- You plunge your hand into your bag by your side, pulling out a stack of bills, for a moment jimin almost wants to stop you- tell you that he’s not worth that much, but Namjoon holds out a hand, almost pressing it to Jimin’s chest to keep him from doing so.

- The money is counted, “good riddance useless mutt,” his owner spits after he signs over the adoption documents to you. Jimin’s flinch is sobering, his owner laughs. Namjoon actually shoves him back The saliva hitting Jimin’s feet as he reels, and you lay a gentle arm around his shoulders, guiding him outside. Sending a final glare in the direction of the man.

- Jimin can barely process any of it through the spinning in his head, a spinning that moderately stops the second he gets outside into the cool air of the May evening. The scent of flowers and pine in his nose and the taste of blood in his mouth.

- You soothe him with a soft voice once they’re out of earshot and take a quick look at Jimin’s half swollen face. A cellphone flashlight in his face and thundering in his ears. Momentarily blinding him. Jimin closes his eye as the pads of your fingers turn his chin this way and that to assess his wounds. “Do you think you need to go to the hospital Jimin?” you ask, careful to stay quiet and delicate with him.

- In the window of Jimin’s old house, the curtain twitches, and Namjoon knows they need to leave soon. Bad will and money lead to safety that only lasts so long, and they definitely don’t need the cops called on them especially after Namjoon shoved him, hybrids have been sent to jail for less.

- “No, I think I’ll be fine” Jimin mumbles, unable to resist leaning into your hand, so soft, your scent making him feel almost hazy and out of it than his probable concussion does. And Namjoon freezes, reminded that not too long ago that you looked like this too- that he was the one leaning into your hands. The memory hits him so violently that he whines, low in his throat. Jimin looks up, ears flicking agitated like he’s asking what wrong, sending a panicked glance between the two of you defaulting to namjoon, the elder hybrid, to know what to do around you- his new owner.

- “let me- let's get you into the car” namjoon grips jimin around the top of his arms and lifts him in, his skinned knee resisting the bend that would be needed to pull himself up into the back seat. He sits tense and curled up before you remind him that he can stretch out. and he settles onto the seat with his his back up against one side, and his feet pressed against the opposite door. the back window open to let the night air wip in.

- You stop at the gas station and give Jimin ice for his black eye and some food and snacks, which he gobbles up hungrily. He’s so preoccupied with food, that he dosent notice Namjoon’s dimpled smile in the mirror after Jimin groans at how good the gas station burrito tastes, licking his fingers with a pop. You give Namjoon a soft, knowing look when his tail thumps against the seat. he tosses Jimin two more bags of chips and a sweet elecrtolite drink, and watches expectantly to see more of Jimin’s happy little whines and pleased grumbles. and you stifle a huffing laugh.

- Namjoon can’t help it, the hybrid in the back seat looks so thin, almost startlingly so; he’s smaller than average too- probably malnourished. Namjoon’s natural caregiver instincts flaring up and demanding to be satisfied so desperately that he even tosses his flannel over him when he sees the hybrid shiver. You sent Namjoon a curious look, and he hides his flush by turning to watch the roadside.

- Jimin stretches out across the back seat with Namjoon’s giant flannel thrown over his shoulders, checking to make sure neither of you is looking back at him before he presses the collar to his nose and takes a deep breath of your combines scents, trying to reconcile his senses with what surely must be a dream.

- This has to be just a concussion dream jimin decides, what else would his mind come up with, other than a sweet fantasy. Someone comes to take him out of the hell his life was, give him food. He wants to take in everything, the smell of the night air, the silhouette of your face in the headlights, namjoon’s ears poking out above the headrest.

- He hovers on Namjoon’s hand entwined with yours over the center console, the hand that Namjoon occasionally reaches out to rest against your swollen stomach, gently drawing lazy circles as you pull onto the main road.

- Yup, Jimin decides, this is definitely a dream, but he hopes it’s real. The last little bit of hope feels almost stupid to have, for hybrids like Jimin, there are very rarely happy endings.

- He falls asleep by the time you reach the highway, lulled by the thrumming road and the oldies song faintly playing out of the crackly speakers of the beat-up truck. His last thought before sleep takes him is hope.

- Jimin hopes with the last shred of himself that is joyful and kind and not purely concerned with survival that this is not a dream, and that where he is going will be a little bit better than where he just was.

- Even just a little bit better than this dream, he doesn’t even need anything like the affection burning in both of your eyes or the kindness you’ve shown him, if he can just lay his head down and rest without being worried he’ll be woken up with pain and fear again, that will be enough.

- To Jimin, the farm is an Eden.

( my Kofi )

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dapandapod · 3 years

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Panda panda panda Triss and Eskel, but as best friends. Doing the thing where you both sit in a meadow and pile grass on the other, or something else stupid

Ella-la my darling, I love this idea very much! And thus I give to you a much longer thing than I expected, but I hope you like it! <3

On Ao3 here, because I can’t resist it. Thank you lovely @kuripon, my rock when grammar and words are my enemy! You are the best!

Here be swearing, pining and friends being there for each other when they try to accept things about oneself. Enjoy <3

As unlikely as it might seem, Eskel has a best friend. No, it’s not a goat. And no, it’s not Geralt, as surprising as that is.

It is a small sorceress with brown, unruly locks and a wicked sense of humor. Triss and Eskel met thanks to Ciri, and Yennefer, and Geralt, and somehow even that bard that pops up everywhere. Again and again they ran into each other until they didn’t have a choice but to like each other.

Triss and Eskel are rather alike, actually. Most take them for even tempered, kind and stoic. Nobody suspects them if Roach ends up getting a dick shaved onto her butt. Nobody would suspect them to sneak a bit of dried fish inside Jaskier's lute. Nobody would suspect them of being behind the fishing with dynamite accident. Nobody but Lambert, because he was the one who got the blame.

Sometimes they seek each other out, to share herbs with each other or just a really good cup of tea. Eskel really likes her company and she listens quietly when he tells her about his scars. He too is quiet when she talks about hers, the hidden ones that run far deeper than they have any right to.

When Triss fell for Yennefer, it was Eskel by her side. Feelings always appear at the worst possible moment. Or at least, are realized. Sodden Hill was a terrible fight, and Yennefer had disappeared for many months. He held her hand on a pebbled beach far away from the world, watching the stars move across the night sky.

When Eskel realized he doesn’t fall in love, that he won't, she was there for him. He isn't sad per se. It is not a loss when it is something you never had. But it was yet another thing that made him different from others. She listened to his thoughts and worries, and assured him there were other more meaningful bonds to be had than romantic ones.

This is one of those times, when they have found each other. Triss found herself lodging in Vizima and he came to visit her. They don’t need horses, preferring to make the long walk out of town and into nature. They find a glade between crooked birch trees, the grass high and perfect to sit down and make grass people in. Better that than a straight up butt print, Triss tells him as she rolls around and waves her arms.

“Who is babysitting Lil Bleater?” Triss asks.

“She can babysit herself perfectly fine. It's Big Bleater I’m worried about.” Eskel replies, carefully choosing strands of grass into a bouquet.

“Dare I ask?” Triss smiles, closing her eyes and enjoying the sun.

“I found a baby monster. Decided to raise it.”

“.....So you named it Big Bleater.” Triss deadpans.

“It’s a good name.” Eskel shrugs and picks another straw. “Lay still.”

He starts placing them in a shape on her stomach. Piling some into a big circle and then carefully placing out straw after straw.

“Am I getting pretty now?”

“Nothing can help you, I’m afraid. Lost cause.”

“I will shave Bleater too, don’t think I will!” Triss threatens, dislodging some grass and Eskel sends her a warning glare.

“Which one of them?” Eskel says, picking up the fallen straw and patiently placing them back to where they were. It is starting to get a shape. If you squint.

“Both.” Triss promises.

“Best of luck, ugly one,” Eskel says, grinning. Triss sits up, grass falling everywhere and smacks his arms hard.

“Ouch! My goat!” Eskel rubs at the arm and looks dejected at the grass strewn all over Triss’ dress.

“If you are lucky, I might just turn you into a goat.”

“Kinky.” Eskel smirks, and Triss slaps his arm again. “Will you stop that?!”

“No. You deserved it.”

“What did I do?!”

“What didn’t you do?!”

“True! But in my defence, it was free,” Eskel counters, and tosses a fistful of grass in her face.

“You know what? I think I actually would like you better as a goat,” Triss says, looking at him appraisingly. The grass is stuck in her curls, and will probably stay there for the rest of the day. That’s a thought.

“Doubt it. I’m not as well behaved as the Bleaters,” Eskel says, throwing more grass in her hair.

“Fine. Then I’ll turn all your clothes pink.”

“If you do, I’m telling Yen you like her.”

Triss gasps. “You’ll do no such thing!!”

The war continues on, and Eskel finds that he is smiling more than he has all year. They walk back together arm in arm, pausing to let Triss collect a weird snail they find by the trail. There is still grass in her hair, and as they walk through the streets of Vizima they get funny looks.

Eskel wishes he could stay, but there is a contract in a hamlet a day's ride from here that is waiting for him. He follows her to her door, and when she smiles and tilts her head at him, he can’t believe how lucky he is. Grass is still sticking out of her curls, and he has no intention of telling her.

“I’ve missed you,” He says, and she puts a hand up and cups his scarred cheek.

“And I you, my dear friend. I’m glad you came by.”

She wraps her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest. He hugs her back, and actually picks her up. She laughs, unguarded and free, as he spins them around and squeezes.

“Silly witcher,” she chides, but allows it all the same. “Next time I see you, I want to hear nothing about succubi, please,” she teases.

“And next time I see you, I want you to have kissed Yennefer.”

“Gods, I wish,” she mutters, and Eskel grins again. He had noticed Yennefer open the door behind Triss while they were speaking, but Triss had yet to notice.

“See you, little witch.” Eskel says, and hurries down the steps. He gives a small wave. “And nice seeing you, Yennefer!”

Triss twists around with a gasp, turning bright red. Yennefer looks equally stunned and they stare at each other for a second.

“ESKEL!” Triss shrieks, and Eskel hurries away. He knows there will be revenge, but he hopes Triss will manage to kiss that witch of hers before then.

#eskel and triss #best friends #fluff #silly #aro eskel #pining triss #hinting at trissifer #swearing #the witcher #sleepingreader #dapanda writes #i adore this #triss merigold #witcher eskel

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phantasticworks · 3 years

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If You Don’t Love Me, Pretend - Chapter Twenty

Thank you so much for the patience on this story. I promise I am not going to leave you guys hanging without an ending, it's just a long work in progress. I hope you enjoy this chapter! <3

read on ao3

Words: 12.3k

Summary: Dan and Phil have an interesting "date night" at the BBC Fundraiser.

Warnings for this chapter: swearing, mentions of alcohol

Dan doesn’t know what to wear. He’s stood in front of his side of the shared closet, blindly. There’s nothing jumping out at him, nothing screaming “first public appearance with your fake fiancé in front of people who matter!” And he’s not sure what to do about that.

“Dan,” Phil’s voice filters into his ears. “Hello? Daniel, honestly-“

“Huh?” Dan mumbles in confusion, turning to glance at him. “What?”

“Did you honestly not hear a word I just said?” Phil asks, sounding exasperated.

Dan huffs. “I didn’t even know you were standing there until, like, now. So no.”

Phil seems to shift from annoyance to worry then. “Are you okay?” Before Dan can reply, Phil steps forward, pressing his hand to Dan’s forehead to check for a temperature. “You don’t feel like you’ve got a fever,” he announces.

Dan rolls his eyes at that. “That’s because I don’t,” he sighs, knocking Phil’s hand away. “I just can’t decide what to wear.”

Phil lets out a noise somewhere between a laugh and a snort of disbelief. “That’s what’s got you looking like someone just kicked your puppy?”

“Hey,” Dan whines weakly. “I just want to look good.”

There’s a mutter of something that sounds suspiciously like “you always look good,” which Dan decides to ignore. “It’s not that big of a deal, Dan,” Phil says when Dan doesn’t say anything. Phil flops onto the bed, staring up at Dan with a sweet smile. “You’ll look fine no matter what.”

“But... what if I’m too overdressed? Or what if I’m underdressed?” He crosses his arms, pouting. “Should we match? Would that look stupid? Would it look more stupid if we didn’t match?”

Phil sighs, opening his arms. “C’mere.”

“I’ve got to pick something to wear,” Dan protests immediately.

“No you don’t, we’ve still got like two hours before we have to go. Now come here and let me comfort you, buffoon.”

His tone leaves little room for argument, so with a very over-dramatic sigh, Dan consents, crawling onto the bed and flopping down right into Phil’s arms. They wrap around each other smoothly, and Dan tries not to compare the way they fit together to a puzzle or something else vaguely suggestive. It’s just nice, being close to someone he cares about like this. In a completely platonic way.

“You know it’s not that big of a deal, right?” Phil murmurs to him. “Like, I know it sounds like it is, but they’re just people, Dan. Just like us.”

“I know,” Dan murmurs. “But they’re people I’d like to impress.”

Phil kisses his hair. “I know.” Evidently that’s all the advice he’s got, as the room gets quiet then, both of them lost in their own thoughts.

Rather than stew in his own nervousness, Dan pats Phil’s chest. “Should we match though, seriously?”

There’s a lovely little crinkle to Phil’s nose when Dan glances up at him. “I’d really rather we didn’t, actually,” he mumbles.

“What, you don’t wanna go with the coordinated husbands look?” Dan asks, quirking a brow.

Phil rolls his eyes, before rolling Dan off him, going to sort through the clothes on his side of the closet. “I actually had an outfit in mind for myself. But I know you’re gonna make fun of me.”

Dan bites back the instant denial that tries to crawl out of his mouth. Clearing his throat instead, he asks, “Well, what did you have in mind?”

Phil grins, and Dan suddenly feels like he’s been baited. Before he can revoke asking, Phil fishes something out of the closet, grinning broadly as he holds it up for Dan to see. It takes approximately four seconds for Dan to study the forest green shirt to notice that the pinstripes, wavy and trippy at first, are actually little bamboo stalks, and the waves are actually tiny pandas. Dan huffs, making Phil’s grin widen.

“That looks ridiculous,” Dan informs him, sitting up and crossing his arms. “What blazer are you matching it with?”

Phil looks smug. Dan rolls his eyes. “I have the black one that might be nice. The beetle one? You remember?”

Dan vaguely remembers mocking Phil about a beetle shell blazer, but he only recalls seeing it once or twice, so he’s already dreading whatever it is that Phil is about to pull out of his closet. Instead of the flashy monstrosity he’s expecting, it’s actually a very subtle shade of black iridescent, catching the light just the right way to turn it a bit greenish. It looks undeniably attractive paired with the shirt and Dan sighs but nods. “You’ll look great,” he says, almost exasperated.

Phil grins before laying his clothes haphazardly on the bed beside Dan. “Do you want me to actually help you pick something or do you want me to leave you alone?”

Dan considers it, but allows a sheepish shrug to possess his shoulders. “As much as I appreciate your opinion...” he trails off, giving Phil an apologetic look.

Rolling his eyes, Phil nods and steps away. “Okay. I’m gonna go get ready in the bathroom, but you can come in whenever you need to.”

“‘Kay,” Dan mumbles, already standing to thumb through his options again. Phil brushes his lips against Dan’s temple before leaving him be, and Dan smiles at the fabric in front of him.

After staring at his closet for nearly ten whole minutes, Dan decides on a white button down, paired with a flowery blazer he hadn’t had the chance to wear yet. It’s a little flamboyant, a little loud, but he likes the attention, if he’s being perfectly honest. He doesn’t like the idea that he and Phil won’t match, but he notices that there is a subtle hint of green to the leaves in the floral pattern of the jacket, and he hopes that’s enough to make them look matched.

After tugging on some fitted black slacks, which are cut neatly to show off his ankles, he pulls the white shirt on and makes his way into the bathroom to do something with his hair. Phil’s stood at the sink already, combing through his hair with his fingers. Dan can smell the product, an almost citrusy note to it, and he smiles at Phil’s reflection.

“You pick something out?” Phil asks, sliding his gaze to Dan’s in their reflection.

“Mhm. I’m wearing the flowery jacket, the one I got from Topman?”

Phil nods like he knows which one Dan’s talking about even though they both know he doesn’t. It’s quiet for a moment while they both fix their hair, and when Dan’s done all he can in terms of making sure his hair behaves, he begins rifling through their drawers, looking for something else. It only takes a moment of his rummaging for Phil to get curious.

“What’re you looking for?” He mumbles, rubbing at his jaw like he’s trying to decide if he should shave or not.

“Mm,” Dan hums, not quite answering. His hand finally finds the tiny cylinder and he brandishes it triumphantly. “Ah-ha!” He announces. “Found it.”

Phil squints, clearly trying to figure out what it is. He watches intently as Dan unscrews the cap, and Dan catches a flicker of dawning understanding across his face as he brings the mascara spooly up to his left eye. Dan’s careful and precise in his movements, making extra sure that he applies it neatly, considering how long it had been since he’d had any reason to wear it. When he’s finished with both eyes, he replaces the cap and admires his work in the mirror, batting his eyelashes several times to make sure it’s not sticking together.

Phil’s watching him when Dan turns around. He’s got a soft look on his face, easing the slight anxiety Dan still feels about doing things outside the traditional gender norm. “Beautiful,” he says simply, reaching up and tucking a tuft of hair back into place on Dan’s head.

Dan feels his face heating up under the praise. “Thank you,” he says, surprised at himself when he manages to keep his voice sincere. Phil’s hand slides from Dan’s hair to cradle his cheek and he gives him a soft smile before his hand falls away entirely. Dan has to clear his throat twice to settle his sudden butterflies. “Are you ready to go?” Dan asks, his voice almost cracking towards the end.

Phil shrugs, pouting at himself in the mirror as he prods at his face. “I can’t decide if I need to shave or not,” he complains.

Stepping right into his space, Dan knocks Phil’s hands out of the way, smoothing his hand over his jaw slowly. He can tell there’s a hint of stubble from feeling of it, grainy against his fingertips. He hates that he kind of loves it. His eyes flick to Phil’s as he leans in, pressing his lips to Phil’s jaw and brushing them softly against the skin. He’s got one hand on Phil’s arm and the other on the opposite side of Phil’s face, thoroughly trapping him right in Dan’s grip.

When Phil shivers, Dan pulls away. “You’re a little rough,” he murmurs, their faces closer than before.

“What?” Phil asks, his pupils blown wide. Dan can’t help but wonder if it’s him specifically or his actions that did that. Either way, he bites his lip to hide his smug grin.

“Your beard. Little bit scratchy. Maybe just a quick shave and you’ll be good,” Dan tells him.

Phil nods, looking slightly vacant. Dan’s never really seen him like this, looking this affected by anything Dan’s ever done, and honestly... the thought of that is enough to give him a confidence boost like no other. “Alright, I’ll... I’ll shave and then we can go.”

“Perfect,” Dan says brightly, clapping his hands together with a smile. “I’m going to go find my shoes.”

There’s a mumbled response that Dan doesn’t quite catch, but he smiles to himself all the way to the other room.

~~~

“Remember, call us if anything happens, okay? I’m serious, Levi,” Dan says for maybe the fifth time that night.

Levi nods, his gaze flicking to the ceiling in an almost-roll. “Got it.”

Dan stands in the hallway leading to their front door, tugging at his suit jacket to make sure it’s situated properly on his shoulders. He’s getting impatient at this point, having been waiting for nearly ten minutes now. “Phil, come on!” Dan calls. He glances at Levi, who’s leaned against the wall waiting for them to leave. “And he says I take forever to get ready,” Dan mumbles, loud enough that Levi can hear but Phil can’t.

Levi laughs, which is what Dan was hoping for. “Should’ve put money on it,” Levi jokes with a grin.

Dan rolls his eyes but nods. “Honestly,” he agrees.

They’re interrupted by footsteps and Dan turns to face the sound, propping his hands on his hips and tapping his foot, the epitome of impatience. “What took you?” Dan asks as Phil steps into the hall.

He gets the answer unspoken, as Phil barely acknowledges that he’s even said anything, too busy focusing on attempting to tie his bow tie. Dan can’t help but sigh fondly. “I can’t- ugh!” Phil complains, starting over.

“C’mere, idiot,” Dan says, his voice incredibly fond. Phil huffs but steps into his space. “Turn around, I don’t know how to do it that way,” Dan instructs, nudging lightly at Phil’s shoulder.

Phil complies, and when he does, Dan puts his arms around Phil to grab the material of the tie. He presses close to hook his chin over Phil’s shoulder to watch what he’s doing to make sure it looks okay. There’s a soft noise from Phil as Dan ties it, and Dan smiles at the way Phil’s body seems to melt against his own.

“All done,” Dan announces, pressing an impulsive kiss to Phil’s neck before stepping back.

“Thanks,” Phil says, turning and smiling at him. Dan nods, straightening the bow tie a little bit as Phil turns to Levi. “Do you have everything you need? Phone, food, all that?”

Levi has a sort of thoughtful look on his face as his gaze flicks between the two of them. He looks a little startled when he realizes Phil’s asked him a question, but he only nods. “Mhm. I’ve got everything I need.”

“Alright,” Phil says, buttoning his cuff on one sleeve. He glances at Dan, his gaze flicking up and down the length of him, nearly making Dan blush. “You look good,” Phil tells him unashamedly.

Dan avoids eye contact, clearing his throat. “Thanks.” He flicks a curl out of his eyes, fiddling with his hair absently. His gaze flickers to Phil, who’s looking at him expectantly. “What?” He asks, deadpan.

Phil huffs. “Where’s my compliment, rat?”

Dan cuts his eyes at him, quirking his brows. “You’re really gonna stand there and ask me to stroke your ego?”

There’s an adorable pout on Phil’s lips as he blinks owlishly at Dan. “Please? I told you how nice you look.”

Rolling his eyes and looking away to hide the flush on his cheeks, Dan steps past him to grab his car keys off the hook by the door. He spares a brief glance at Phil, his resolve crumbling as he reaches for his hand. “You look amazing,” he says quietly, pressing a quick kiss to the back of Phil’s hand before dropping it. “Dashing, even.”

Phil grins widely, rolling his shoulders in a puffed-up, proud sort of way. It makes Dan’s chest ache with fondness. “And to think you made fun of this blazer when I bought it.” He looks well chuffed as he tugs on the cuffs of the jacket.

Dan takes a moment to look at Phil then, really look at him, and he smiles with a wistful shake of his head. “It’s not the blazer, bub.” Before Phil can respond to that, Dan turns his gaze to Levi, who’s watched the exchange with amusement. “Are you sure you’re alright?” He asks one last time.

Levi rolls his eyes, but nods. “We’ll be fine. Everything’s under control, I promise.” He gives a little salute in a bid goodbye, reminding Dan of himself. “Have fun on your date,” he says with a smirk.

Dan points an accusing finger at him. “Keep your phone on, okay? We’ll be checking in.”

Levi waves him off with a nod. “I know, I know. But honestly we’re fine. You guys can have fun, do whatever. We’ll be alright.”

Dan’s about to argue when Phil puts a steadying hand on his shoulder. He gives him a look and Dan knows he needs to chill now. “We know, Levi. We’ll be home around ten or eleven, yeah?”

Levi nods. “Alright. See you then.”

Phil waves, putting his hand on the small of Dan’s back to guide him out. He probably realizes that if he gives him literally any more time to procrastinate, Dan will either find a reason to stay home with the kids, or make Levi actually lose his mind, neither of which are preferable right now. Having already said goodnight to the twins, they make their way out the door, locking it behind them.

“They’ll be okay, right?” Dan asks worriedly.

“Of course they will,” Phil replies easily, squeezing Dan’s hip in reassurance. “Come on, we’ll be late.”

Dan mumbles something half-heartedly irritated under his breath, but Phil ignores him, which is probably for the best.

~~~

When they arrive at the venue the BBC had rented out, the event is in full swing. They’re not late, Phil assures Dan when he complains about their timing. Everyone was supposed to show up around seven, then socialize amongst themselves until the speeches and things started at eight. Most of Phil’s coworkers were already there, and Dan recognized PJ and Chris among a few others he’d been briefly introduced to over the past few years since Phil’d started there.

Another thing Dan notices quickly is how Phil carries himself in this space. He’s completely in his element, holding his head high and greeting his employees with a smile. He’s so... powerful here, if Dan’s being honest. He tries not to think about how attractive that makes Phil seem, seeing him take on this leader personality. It’s made more difficult as he’s led through a crowd of people who seem to part for Phil, smiling and nodding at the two of them like they’re some sort of royalty.

“I forget about the whole “BBC producer” thing sometimes, but god, these people really treat you like a king, don’t they?” Dan whispers to Phil.

Phil laughs, moving his hand to the small of Dan’s back to lead him to a table with some people Dan recognizes. “Maybe a little bit. It’s mostly superficial though- if they’re nice, they usually want something from me.”

Dan tries not to let that rub him the wrong way as Phil waves to the table of his coworkers, a bright grin on his face. “Hi, everyone,” he greets. “I’m sure you all remember my fiancé, Dan.” Phil rubs gentle circles against Dan’s back as he speaks, making his cheeks warm in response.

“Er, hi,” he says quietly, waving to the four people sat at the table.

“Phil! Dan!” PJ says joyfully, tipping his head back to smirk at them. “We were just talking about you,” he jokes, gesturing to a woman next to him. It takes Dan a moment to recognize her in this setting, but when he does- “This is my girlfriend, Sophie,” PJ introduces her with a bright smile in her direction.

Dan laughs. “We’ve actually already met. Hello again, Sophie.”

The brunette smiles at him, a twinkle of surprise in her eyes. “Dan! And Phil! Lovely to see you again. How are the kids?”

Phil pulls a chair out for Dan next to Sophie, taking the one beside him and next to a man Dan’s never met before. Dan smiles gratefully at him as he sits before answering Sophie’s question. “They’re doing really well! The twins are loving school and I think Levi’s made a couple friends. It’s still an adjustment having three of them, but it’s really lovely.” He’s close to saying more, gushing about how much he loves being a parent, but remembering where they are and who they’re with makes him pause.

“That’s wonderful!” Sophie replies. She must notice PJ’s confused stare, so she leans closer to explain. “They’re fostering Levi, one of the foster children who I used to have on my case list.”

“Oh,” PJ says, nodding in understanding. “Small world, huh?” He asks with a lazy grin.

Dan nods with a polite smile. He’s still a little uncertain about PJ and Chris for how they treated Phil before, but he’s willing to be civil tonight. Chris, who’s sat between PJ and the man Dan has yet to be introduced to, smiles and waves at Dan, who returns it with a nod.

“Dan,” Phil says, nudging Dan’s arm with his wrist. “This is Tom. He’s one of the technicians at the studio.”

Dan reaches over to shake his hand with a polite smile. “Nice to meet you.”

Tom nods at him. “And you as well,” he replies. He turns to say something to Phil, then, so Dan occupies himself with looking around the table for a drink.

“So, things are alright?” Sophie asks, her voice quiet enough not to disturb the others, having their own separate conversations in pairs. “Levi’s doing okay?” She sounds concerned, but in a way that makes it obvious she’s trying to mask the emotion.

“Yeah, yeah,” Dan agrees with a smile. “He’s getting on well with me and Phil, the twins are happy to have him home... I think he’s doing really well.”

“Good, that’s really good,” Sophie says with a sigh of relief. “I worry about him sometimes,” she admits. At the panic that’s probably on Dan’s face, she shakes her head, waving her hands dismissively. “No, no, not that he’s with you and Phil, just... in general. He’s had a very hard life, and it was one of the saddest cases I’ve worked recently, so... I just keep him in my thoughts very often.”

Dan nods slowly. He’s trying to think of a subtle way to ask about their home life, but he doesn’t think this is the right place. Another vacant look around the table has him wishing for that drink all over again. “Well... I know he’s come out of his shell a lot since he moved in. We’re really happy to have him, though. He’s such a good kid.”

PJ, who’d tuned into the conversation somewhere during Sophie talking, tilts his head at Dan, smiling. “You sound like you really enjoy being a foster parent,” he says. Something about the emphasis he puts on the word “foster” prickles underneath Dan’s skin in an uncomfortable sort of way. He tries not to let it bother him, knowing that PJ probably didn’t mean anything by it at all.

“I do,” Dan says, tilting his chin up, almost defiant. He glances at Phil, who at some point has placed his arm on the back of Dan’s chair and is softly running his fingers through the hair at the base of Dan’s head. “I think we both really enjoy it, honestly.”

PJ nods with a grin. “I know Philly does, he talks about you guys constantly,” he teases.

Phil rolls his eyes but doesn’t deny it. “It’s my family, Peej, what do you expect?”

PJ’s grin only widens, as if this is fuel to his fire. “Oh, I know, I get it.” He turns to Dan then with a cheeky smirk. “He told us all about your Halloween costumes the other day. That’s such a fun idea, honestly.”

“Oh, what did you go as?” Sophie asks, interrupting whatever mocking remark PJ was surely about to make. Dan’s grateful for her all over again.

“Er, we did a Pokémon theme. The kids were the three starters, Phil was Ash.” He’s very specifically avoiding sharing what part he played in that theme, for obvious reasons.

“And Dan was Pikachu!” Phil announces cheerfully, tugging lightly on a strand of Dan’s hair.

Sophie coos as Dan sends a glare to the side of Phil’s face. Chris has engaged him in another conversation already, and Dan’s just left to sit there steeping in the hot water of embarrassment.

“That’s precious,” Sophie declares with a smile. “Do you have any photos?” She asks.

Dan wants to lie and say no, but he sees the hope in her eyes and he knows he can’t do that to her. Instead he nods and goes to fish out his phone from his pockets. He panics when he can’t find it, shifting in his seat to see if it’s slipped out somehow.

“What’re you looking for?” Phil asks, sending him a confused look.

Dan sighs. “I think I left my phone in the car. Can I see yours? I wanted to show Sophie our Halloween photos.”

“Sure,” Phil says easily, sliding it out of his jacket pocket and handing it to Dan. He turns back to his conversation with the other men immediately, and Dan nearly rolls his eyes.

Dan goes to type in the password, which has been 1987 for as long as he can remember, and he’s shocked when it doesn’t work. He tries it again, slower, thinking he’s somehow typed it wrong. Still nothing. Poking Phil’s side, he turns the screen to face him.

“What?” Phil asks, his brows furrowed.

“You switched passcodes.” It’s almost an accusation.

Phil looks guilty. “Er, yeah. Mia kept trying to download games to play and I finally just changed it.”

“Okay, fine, what’s the new one?” Dan asks impatiently.

“Uh, ten-nineteen,” Phil answers, already becoming distracted by some joke Chris is trying to tell, his voice slightly loud and obnoxious.

Dan types the numbers in, his mind taking a second to process it after the home screen has already appeared. His mind, still trying to process the meaning of the numbers of the new password, is overwhelmed again at the sight of Phil’s home screen background, which upon closer inspection, is a photo of Dan sleeping.

Dan flushes, trying to cover it up with a cough into his elbow. He clears his throat, tapping on the photo app and scrolling as he leans closer to Phil to speak quietly. “Ten-nineteen?” He asks. “Our anniversary?” He doesn’t specify which one; he doesn’t have to- the only real one they share is the anniversary of the day they met in person.

“Mhm,” Phil half-responds, still not paying much attention to Dan at this point.

Dan sighs, his veins thrumming with something nervous and excited. His hand wobbles a little with it as he turns the phone to Sophie, showing her all the photos they’d taken with the kids that night.

She coos and aww’s at all the right places, asking questions and listening to Dan’s stories of their adventures so far with the kids. It’s refreshing, to talk to another adult outside his immediate family about his kids and all the funny little anecdotes. PJ and Chris want to see the pictures as well, so Dan passes the phone around, beaming at all the compliments about how cute their kids are.

“Well we can’t really take credit for that,” Phil jokes, glancing at Dan with a smile. “But we really are so lucky to have such good kids.”

“Do you reckon you’ll ever have any for real?” Chris asks, a little invasively, Dan thinks.

Still, whatever noodle part of his brain that isn’t running on the same wavelength as the rest, chooses to ask, “What do you mean?”

There’s a brief, awkward pause, before Chris explains. Phil’s hand tightens its grip on the back of Dan’s neck. “I just meant, like... these are foster kids, correct?”

Dan nods. “Yes.”

“Right, so something will happen to them eventually and they’ll leave or whatever happens to foster kids, but will you guys ever have a real family?”

He’s not trying to be mean, Dan reasons. He just doesn’t understand the situation. Dan tells himself this as he blinks back tears, his heart suddenly in his throat at the thought of something, anything, happening to these kids, their kids. And really... really he shouldn’t be surprised. Obviously Chris isn’t entirely wrong, generally children are fostered for less than a year before they either age out of the system or get moved to another home. And then what? Will Dan somehow convince Phil to stay with him, to foster more children to build an emotional connection with? To get far too attached to, only to have those children ripped out of their arms the minute they start to feel like a family? To love like their very own, to-

“That’s not really an appropriate question, Chris,” Phil says in that strong, authoritative voice that he has, sending Dan’s train of thought to a screeching halt. He sends Chris a look, one that shuts him up right there. Turning to look at Dan, Phil’s eyes soften. “Hey, why don’t you call Levi and check up on them? Yeah? I’ll go fetch us some drinks and meet you back here when you’re done, alright?”

Dan nods, numbly. “Okay,” he says, going to stand on stiff limbs. He doesn’t look at anyone at the table as he holds a hand out for Phil’s phone.

“Here,” Phil says, leaning in and kissing his cheek once. “Tell them I say hello and I love and miss them.”

“I will,” Dan agrees before stepping away, scrolling to find Levi’s name in Phil’s contacts. He smiles a little when he sees the little wolf emoji next to his name, recalling very clearly the conversation Phil had with him, asking what Levi wanted his contact emoji animal to be. He’d picked a wolf, saying that it was his favorite animal, and Phil had immediately made a joke about Dan’s surname, as was typical of him.

He’s still thinking about that conversation when Levi answers the phone. “Hey,” he says, sounding a little hesitant.

“Hey Levi, it’s Dan,” he greets.

“Oh,” Levi nearly sounds relieved. “Why are you calling on Phil’s phone?”

“I left mine in the car,” Dan explains. “Are you guys doing okay? Everything alright?”

Levi laughs. “Yes, helicopter dad. Everything is fine.” Dan can hear the smile in his voice and it both eases his mind and squeezes his heart, a heavy reminder of how temporary this connection of theirs really is. “We ordered pizza and ate it in the lounge, just like you said we could.”

“Good deal,” Dan says, glancing over to see if Phil was back at the table yet. He is, but his gaze is on Dan. When their eyes lock, the older man smiles at him softly. Dan can’t help but feel a little warmer. “Phil says to tell you and the twins hi and he loves and misses you all,” Dan relays the message.

Levi snorts, not unkindly. “You guys have been gone for, like, an hour.”

“So?” Dan replies with a little laugh. “That’s an hour longer than we’re usually away from you guys unless it’s a school day. We miss you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Levi mumbles. “I’ll relay the message.”

“Perfect,” Dan grins. “Thank you. Are the twins waiting for you to hang up so you can play Mario Kart?” He asks knowingly.

“How’d you-“

“I could recognize the distorted sound of the Mario Kart 8 soundtrack in my sleep, bud,” Dan says with a smile.

“Right,” Levi sighs, a whisper of sarcasm in the sound. “Well I’m sure you’re having a blast at your charity whatever thing, so...”

His unsubtle “good riddance” has Dan cracking up. “Alright. I’ll check in again shortly, yeah? You guys be good.”

“Will do. Bye.”

“Bye, Levi,” Dan replies. He waits until Levi has hung up before he slowly returns to the table.

Phil is speaking quietly to Chris as Dan approaches, so Dan pretends to be distracted on his phone, straining his ears to listen.

“Look, I know you weren’t, Chris. But Dan’s... we’ve gotten really attached to the kids, okay? So just... choose your words better.”

Chris looks guilty, but nods. He’s about to say something when Dan finally looks up from the phone, sending Phil what he hopes appears to be an easy grin. “The kids are fine,” he announces, sliding into his seat. “They had some pizza and they’re playing Mario Kart.”

Phil grins, dropping his arm back across the back of Dan’s chair. “See? I told you they’d be fine.”

Dan rolls his eyes, turning away pointedly. “Whatever,” he mumbles.

“Here’s your drink, love,” Phil says, his voice taking on a softer pitch as he hands Dan a glass of what Dan assumes is some type of punch.

“Phil’s really got the parental controls on tonight, he’s even censoring Danny’s drink,” Chris announces in a teasing sort of voice.

Dan sends him a wry look. “I’m driving, actually. I’m assuming he’s just looking out for me by getting me something without alcohol.”

Chris looks immediately embarrassed. “Er. Right, yeah.”

PJ shakes his head at him mockingly. “When will you learn, Chris, when will you learn?”

Chris mumbles something probably rude under his breath, but Dan chooses to ignore it in favor of thanking Phil for his drink. Phil smiles, pleased, and Dan finds himself unable to care about the other people around them at all.

~~~

There’s quiet conversation for a few more minutes until someone takes to the stage, thoroughly quieting everyone down. Phil whispers to Dan that this is his boss, and Dan, in turn, whispers back that he looks kind of like a cool wizard, with his wiry white beard and round glasses. Phil pinches his waist.

“Welcome, everyone, I’m really excited to see the turnout for the evening. We’re here to support a very good cause, as you are all probably very well aware. Mind Over Matter, the prestigious mental health charity, and also the reason for tonight’s event, has helped thousands of young people struggling with mental illness across the UK. Tonight there will be several speeches made by some of MOM’s leadership, as well as some special guests invited on behalf of the BBC.” He pauses, probably for dramatic effect, and several people applaud during the silence. He grins before continuing. “Of course, this is a fundraiser, so there is a silent auction operating in the B lobby, just down the hall from this room, and there will be several opportunities for donations throughout the course of the night, in between speeches and presentations.”

He speaks a little more, but Dan mostly tunes out, most of it applying to actual employees of the BBC. Phil seems interested, and Dan takes a moment to admire him. He looks good tonight, with his quirky outfit choice and his freshly washed hair swept back in a perfect quiff. The index finger of one hand traces the stem of his champagne glass while the other rests against Dan’s shoulder blade, where he’s rubbing smoothing circles with his thumb.

Phil’s gaze suddenly flickers over to Dan, startling him. Phil sends him a confused smile and Dan shrugs sheepishly. It’s a wordless conversation, barely even a conversation at all, really- more so just an acknowledgement of the other’s presence. It’s nice, the way it fills Dan with a comfort, bone deep.

“And of course, Mind Over Matter has been kind enough to donate some of their merch, so be sure to pick up a gift bag on your way out, everyone,” Phil’s boss, who Dan vaguely remembers is called Greg, is saying. He clears his throat as if he’s coming to an end of his announcements, which Dan is secretly relieved by. “The presentations will start shortly, led by Mind Over Matter’s co-founder, and my co-host for the evening, Bryony Matthewman. Before she takes the stage, dinner will be brought out, courtesy of our caterer for the evening...” Greg trails off on another ramble, thanking the catering company and anyone else who donated or helped set the fundraiser up in any way.

“Bit of a shaggy dog, innit?” Phil whispers right into Dan’s ear, his voice deeply northern.

Dan flinches away in surprise at the closeness. Phil places his palm on the back of Dan’s neck and squeezes gently. “A what?” Dan whispers back, their faces incredibly close.

“A shaggy dog,” Phil repeats.

Dan shakes his head, uncomprehending. “I don’t know what the hell that means,” he says with a smirk. “I don’t speak hobbit language, or whatever the hell.”

Phil rolls his eyes. “C’mon. That’s a British thing. A shaggy dog?” At Dan’s blank stare, he huffs and moves imperceptibly closer, probably noticing the subtle questioning glances from their table mates. “A made up story? Or like a long story with no point?”

Dan blinks. “You couldn’t have just said he talks a lot or something? You had to go full northern?”

With another huff, Phil reaches up and tugs on the hoop of Dan’s earring in reprimand. “Hush.”

Grinning, Dan shifts his face just enough to brush his lips against Phil’s cheek. “You started it.”

“Oi,” Chris says teasingly from across the table. Luckily, the stage is empty now and a dozen or so people in white uniforms are moving around the room with food trays. “Stop flirting in front of my salad,” he says, gesturing pointedly to the salad that’s been placed in front of him.

Dan rolls his eyes as the waiter makes his way around the table, delivering salads to each of them. “Sorry,” Phil says, not an ounce of sincerity in the way he smirks around the words.

“Don’t listen to him,” Tom says from Phil’s right side. “He’s just jealous that he doesn’t have a relationship as cute as yours.”

Chris makes an indignant squawking sound at this, which everyone at the table laughs over. “I am not!” He protests.

“Okay, sure,” PJ says. He nods like he’s being genuine. “You’re definitely not a jealous bitch.”

Chris mumbles something scathing about what he thinks about their affection, but Dan’s too busy trying to manage his face-splitting grin to even process it. Phil tuts from beside him, but a glance proves that he looks pleased by the comment as well. Dan has a fleeting moment of disappointment; these are Phil’s coworkers and friends, it’s important for them to believe the charade that is their fake engagement. As much as some newish part of Dan would like to believe that Phil is happy about their perception of them for the same reason Dan is happy, he knows that’s likely not the case.

He makes a split-decision right then, watching that relaxed smile on Phil’s face. Tonight is a performance, the fundraiser their stage, Phil’s coworkers their audience. And for tonight, Dan would be the best actor he could. And as someone who had been a theatre kid in school, he knew the best method actors used real-life emotions and thoughts to enrich their acting. So for tonight, with their perception in the hands of his acting abilities, Dan would allow himself to indulge in those emotions to impress their audience.

As his hand falls to Phil’s thigh, he tells himself this is part of the script. That the way Phil glances at him, a raised brow, is penciled in as a blocking note rather than a reaction of surprise. He smiles at his best friend, the portrayal of his love interest for the night, and allows himself a moment without pretenses or a mask of uncertainty. If Phil notices the shift in Dan’s face, he doesn’t react.

Instead, he nudges Dan’s elbow with his own. “Can I have your croutons?” He asks, nodding to Dan’s food.

It’s not a line. None of it ever is, with Phil. “Sure. If I can have some of your cherry tomatoes,” Dan says, lips quirking on a grin.

Phil nods, smiling excitedly as he moves his bowl closer to Dan’s. They pick at each other’s salads, trading the things they like or don’t like out of each other’s bowls until they have what they want. “Is that cheese?” Phil asks, pointing to something.

Dan squints at it before shrugging. “I think it’s a lettuce.”

Phil pouts. “If it’s not I don’t want it. Will you take it?”

“I’ve got lettuce,” Dan argues.

Stabbing the mystery bit with his fork, Phil holds it in front of Dan’s mouth. “Please?”

Dan rolls his eyes. “Yeah, alright,” he sighs, opening his mouth and allowing Phil to pop it in. He chews thoughtfully. “It was a lettuce.”

Phil shrugs, already picking at his food again. “Better safe than sorry.”

Dan turns to roll his eyes at Phil for their tablemates to see, but instead he finds them all pretending not to look at them. “What?” He asks, quirking an eyebrow up.

PJ shrugs, looking entirely too amused. “Nothing,” he sings. “Just funny seeing the two of you in action.”

Blinking, Dan shrugs. “Okay?”

Sophie swats at her boyfriend’s arm playfully. “He just means it was interesting to see how in sync you both are.”

Phil speaks up then, half-paying attention as he is. “We’ve been together for ten years,” he comments, almost off-handedly. “I reckon we’re as in sync as two people can be.”

Chris whistles lowly. “Ten years is a long time, innit?”

Dan’s not sure if it’s rhetorical or not. “Well, where were you ten years ago? Does it feel like it’s been a long time?” He asks him.

The man surprisingly nods immediately. “Forever ago, actually. Being in uni and drunk off my face every night with Peej. Feels like ages ago now.”

Not sure how to respond to that, Dan shrugs, taking a sip of water. “Well. I don’t know, ten years hasn’t seemed that long to me.” He looks over at Phil and risks being overly sappy, under the pretense of playing his part. “Not long enough, I reckon.”

Phil looks up as he says this, looking genuinely surprised when they lock eyes. There’s an intensity there that would usually scare him, but Dan refuses to look away now. Instead, he just offers a little smile. Phil returns it immediately, without any hesitation.

Chris makes a gagging sound. “Ten years in and you still look at each other like you’ve hung the bloody moon or something,” he sounds both awed and disgusted. Dan can’t help but laugh. “I reckon if I’d been with someone that long I’d be ready to rip their face off, I wouldn’t be giving them Bambi eyes over salad.”

Phil cuts his eyes to him with a sly grin. “But that’s the thing, Chris, you’ve not been with someone for ten years. In fact, you’ve barely managed two.”

There’s a chorus of laughter around the table, but Chris takes it in stride, shrugging. “What can I say? I can’t be tied down, I’m just not made for that kind of life.”

Almost imperceptibly, Dan and Phil share a look. Phil’s eyes are dark in the light of the room and he gives Dan a look that gives him shivers. Dan clears his throat before looking away, his cheeks flushed. “Believe me, the right person can change that,” he says simply. Promptly, as he’s suddenly feeling giddy with whatever brief moment he and Phil just shared, Dan changes the subject. “So are any of you involved with the charity?”

They move the conversation to the event of the evening, and Dan’s genuinely happy to listen to everyone discuss the mental health organization and what they do, especially as it gives him a distraction from the way Phil’s decided to place his hand so delicately on his knee. It’s a light touch, punctuated occasionally with a brush of his fingers or a squeeze, and by the time the spokesperson from Mind Over Matter takes the stage, Dan’s heart is a hummingbird in his chest.

“Hello, everyone. My name is Bryony, as Greg introduced me earlier. Mind Over Matter is so very pleased to be here this evening, and we couldn’t be more thrilled to have the chance to work with the BBC for such a good cause.” She continues speaking about the charity’s mission statement and the logistics of running a mental health charity, and Dan finds himself enraptured in a way he wasn’t with Greg.

He actually genuinely cares about mental health charities and already donates to several, but now that he’s listening to someone from inside one of those charities, he realizes how much more involved he’d like to be. He makes a mental note to grab more information about the charity later in the night, listening intently as Bryony shares some of her own struggles with mental illness and the stigma that surrounds it.

Without his conscious consent, his body tenses up when she begins speaking about depression and how it has affected her life. It’s not that depression is a universal truth for every person that has it, as it comes in many flavors and shapes and sizes, but hearing someone else’s story about something he’s struggled with most of his life puts him on edge. A touch to his hand has him flinching, and Phil shushes him softly. Dan glances at his blurry face, blinking quickly to bring him back into focus.

“Breathe,” Phil murmurs, almost silently. He holds Dan’s clenched hand in both of his, holding eye contact as Dan forces himself to relax. Phil smiles when Dan unfurls his fist, squeezing Phil’s fingers several times.

“Charities like Mind Over Matter helped support me when I needed it most. I wanted to give that gift to someone else, and be a voice for someone struggling.” Bryony appears to be at the end of her speech. “Throughout the course of the night, you’ll hear several other stories, both from speakers and videos we’ve put together, and I hope they inspire you to be the change in someone else’s life. Thank you.”

An applause Greg’s introduction couldn’t have challenged erupts as Bryony leaves the stage, Dan included this time. His mind is running on a loop of what she said, repeating the words over and over. He realizes, somewhere, that he’s desperate to find a way to integrate his passion for mental health awareness into how he contributes to the world. All he’s ever wanted was to put more good into the world than bad, and part of that need has been soothed by his insistence to foster. Now, his mind is being opened to a new realm of possibilities he hadn’t even considered before.

He’s so focused on thinking of all the ways he could make a change that it takes him a moment to realize that Phil is trying to speak to him. “Dan,” he says, almost panicked.

“Hm?” Dan hums, half-listening.

Phil lets out a breath of relief. “Are you okay?”

“Mhm,” Dan murmurs. “Just thinking. That was a lot, right? Like a lot to think about?” He looks up at Phil, waiting for him to agree.

Phil flicks his gaze between the stage and Dan several times before he seems to get it. “The speech?” When Dan nods, Phil shrugs. “I mean, it was a good speech. She’s a good spokesperson.”

Dan nods, looking away. Phil’s not insensitive by any means, he just didn’t always get the desire to speak out the way Dan did. He was a more passive and peaceful sort of thinker, preferring to exist in the comfort of his own mind when it came to his belief system, which generally reflected Dan’s own, even if it was more subtle. “Right,” Dan says belatedly.

There’s a flicker of confusion on Phil’s face as he glances at Dan, but before he can say anything else, their waiter has returned to clear their plates away.

“I hear we’re having chicken parm tonight,” Chris says, rubbing his hands together conspiratorially.

“That’s one of my favorites,” Dan says mildly, his mind still running in circles around something else entirely.

“Except when I’m cooking it,” Phil jokes, smiling broadly when his coworkers laugh. He’s good about making light jokes at his own expense sometimes, and Dan’s always sort of admired that about him.

“I didn’t say that,” Dan protests with a roll of his eyes. He considers it, then shrugs. “I am a bit better at cooking, though.”

Phil snorts, quite unattractively. “Okay, Mr. Boil the Pasta Without Water,” he taunts.

Dan swats at him playfully. “Hey,” he protests weakly. “I don’t tell everyone about your cooking failures. Remember the dalgona coffee? Or the brownies? Or the-“

He’s interrupted by Phil placing his fingers over his mouth. “Okay! We get it, we get it.” He sounds sheepish.

PJ tuts. “I didn’t realize we’d be getting all this hot gossip.” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively. “Do tell us more, Daniel.”

Phil’s quick to interrupt there, of course. “How about we don’t and say we did,” he says blandly, looking vaguely worried.

“What’s the matter, Philly?” Chris teases. “Afraid he’ll tell us all your secrets?”

Before Phil can answer, Dan shakes his head. “Nah, he’s just afraid I’ll tell you about how he tried to cook a pizza while it was still in the box,” he says smoothly.

“Dan!” Phil squawks, indignant.

“Oops,” Dan says, grinning at him.

Shaking his head, Phil crosses his arms, looking the epitome of a spoiled child. “That was supposed to be a secret,” he whines. He’s playing it up for the sake of the people watching and laughing at their little argument, but Dan allows it. It’s nice to have a moment to be sort of themselves, banting about things that happened even before all the pretending. Not to mention it’s kind of adorable when Phil pouts.

“Not anymore!” Dan says cheerfully. He sees the same waiter from before approaching their table again, this time with a tray of food. Sure enough, there are several plates on it, each of them full of a serving of chicken parm. He’s careful as he passes them out, and Dan’s sure to thank him politely when his plate is placed in front of him.

As everyone tucks into their food, another presentation starts, and after that the chatting is at a minimum. Other than when the waiters swoop in to collect the dishes between the speeches, there’s not a whole lot of time for small talk, and Dan spares a moment to be grateful for that. Despite how much he’s genuinely and unironically enjoying himself, he’s not sure he likes the way he’s put himself on this stage, their every move speculated on by Phil’s closest coworkers. He tries to tuck that thought away for now. He’s having a good night; they both are, he thinks, so there’s no point in ruining it for himself because of his own self-doubt or whatever his mind is conjuring up now.

Eventually, the evening begins winding down. Greg takes to the stage to remind everyone to stop by the silent auction on their way out, something everyone could have filtered in and out of as they pleased throughout the night. He also thanks everyone for coming and reminds them to pick up a gift bag on the way out as well. Bryony comes back to the stage for a thank-you message as well, and then everyone slowly starts mingling, wandering over to other friends and coworkers they hadn’t had the chance to speak to yet.

“This is the part I was dreading,” Phil mumbles. “We got here late enough that we could avoid it then but there’s no way to avoid all the small talk now.”

Dan drops a hand to his thigh and squeezes reassuringly. “It’ll be alright, baby. I’m the master of escaping social situations, remember? We’ll be out of here in no time.”

Phil grins at that, and Dan’s heart flutters at having that lovely gaze on him. “I’m holding you to that, you know.”

With a smirk, Dan turns away, looking over at Sophie and PJ. “It was really lovely to see you both again, but we should probably go ahead and say goodbye to everyone. We don’t want to be too late getting home to the kids.”

Sophie nods understandingly. “Oh of course! It was great to see you two.” She smiles at PJ then, nudging his arm. “Small world, huh?”

PJ grins, the expression almost cat-like, as he glances over at them. “The smallest, really. Dan, lovely to see you again, mate. You and Phil should join us for game night sometime.” He doesn’t sound like he’s kidding, the invitation genuine.

“Sure,” Dan agrees with a noncommittal shrug.

Phil stands then, placing his hand on Dan’s shoulder as he says his goodbyes. “PJ, Chris, Tom, I’ll see you all at work Monday. Sophie, it was great seeing you again!” His thumb brushes over Dan’s collar, sending a shiver up Dan’s spine inexplicably. “C’mon, love. I ought to go say goodbye to Greg.”

Dan nods and stands, waving to Phil’s coworkers as they make their way from the table. They get several paces away before Dan grins, knocking his elbow against Phil’s. “Told you we’d get out of it quick.”

Phil rolls his eyes. “I wouldn’t hold my breath,” he mutters, straightening his posture up when they get closer to the stage. “Greg’s a talker.”

Dan smirks, slipping his hand into Phil’s. “So am I.”

~~~

It turns out Phil wasn’t kidding about Greg’s talking ability. He rambles for nearly twenty minutes, seemingly without taking a breath. Dan tries to take several opportunities to slip away, but each time, Greg manages to start in on something else, keeping them stood there nodding along politely, pretending to care. Eventually though, Greg seems to run out of things to say, and Phil takes the chance to pretend to check the time on the watch he’s wearing, sending Dan a look, his lips pursed. “I hate to say this, but Dan and I really should be going,” he says, his lips twitching into a very convincing disappointed pout.

“Oh that’s too bad!” Greg says, looking genuinely let down. “We were going to invite you out for a drink.”

Dan’s quicker than Phil this time, sending the older man a helpless sort of shrug. “We’d love to, but with the kids at home and this being our first night away from them, we really should be getting home.”

Greg nods sadly. “I understand.” He claps Phil on the shoulder and Dan can tell just how annoyed the gesture makes him. “Well, Phil, I appreciate you being here, always glad to have a chance to sit and chat with you.”

Phil smiles, his mouth tight. “Right. You too, Greg.” He turns to Greg’s wife and smiles a little more genuinely. “It was lovely seeing you again, Marianne.”

The brunette smiles and nods. “And you as well.” She glances at Dan with a polite smile. “It was nice meeting you, Dan.”

Dan offers an easy grin. “You too, both of you,” he extends the sentiment to Greg, who responds with a nod.

“Cheers, lads. See you on Monday, Phil,” Greg bids them a goodbye, waving with the hand holding his champagne flute.

Phil waves before taking Dan’s left hand in his right, leading him to the exit. They’re nearly to the door when Phil pauses, giving Dan a sheepish smile. “Do you care if I stop by the loo really quick?”

Dan rolls his eyes but releases his hand. “Go, go. I’d rather you didn’t wet yourself in my car.”

Phil’s nose crinkles delicately at that. “I’m not a toddler, Dan, I would never!”

Hiding his grin, Dan pushes him gently in the direction of the restrooms. “Sure, bub. Go ahead. I’m gonna go snatch another one of those little biscuits.”

Phil’s eyes light up at this. “Will you get me one? The ones with icing?”

Dan huffs playfully. “Obviously. Who do you take me for?”

There’s a precious grin on Phil’s face as he leans in and presses a kiss to Dan’s cheek. “You’re the best. I’ll be right back.”

~~~

Phil takes nearly fifteen minutes in the loo, and Dan’s starting to get a bit annoyed when he shows up in the foyer where Dan’s waiting, looking a little out of breath. “You okay, mate?” Dan asks, his voice a little teasing.

“Never better,” Phil grins. “Ready to go?” He asks, reaching out to hold Dan’s hand as they walk.

Dan nods wordlessly. They’re handed a gift bag each at the door, and Phil chivalrously offers to carry both of them to the car. They’re quiet as they walk, both of them lost to their own bubble of thoughts as their hands swing between them.

“Did you have a good time?” Phil asks into the silence.

Dan glances at him, finding an almost nervous look on Phil’s face. “I did, actually, yeah,” Dan says with a smile and a squeeze of Phil’s fingers. “I really enjoyed hearing all of the ways to get involved with the charity and stuff.” Phil nods along, looking relieved. Dan nudges his elbow with his own gently to get his attention. “Thank you for inviting me,” he says softly.

Phil slows his steps a little, really looking at Dan before he speaks. “I know how much mental health means to you, Dan. I just... I figured that you’d enjoy something like this.”

Dan nods, looking down at the pavement below their shoes. “I did.”

“Did you get to speak to everyone you wanted to? I know lots of people were handing out information,” Phil says, changing the subject a little. Dan’s secretly a little pleased; he’d rather not talk about how much the gesture of Phil inviting him to such a public event means to him.

“I think so, yeah,” Dan nods.

Phil nods too, slowing to a stop as they’ve reached Dan’s car. “That’s good. I, um... I actually went and spoke to the lead speaker, Bryony?”

Dan glances up at him. “Yeah?”

Phil nods, not quite looking directly at him. “Yeah, I figured... I figured if you had an in with someone you knew at a mental health charity the school might finally let you do that assembly about mental illness and how to get help.”

“I...” Dan stutters out, suddenly at a complete loss for words. The thoughtfulness of the gesture is setting in, and all he can think about is how much Phil means to him, how much it means to him that Phil would suffer through his social anxiety in order to talk to someone for Dan, without Dan even knowing. Dan can only stare at him in shock, eyes and mouth wide and gaping as he struggles to comprehend how absolutely selfless this man is.

“I know it’s not a lot,” Phil rushes to say, clearly taking Dan’s silence the wrong way. “And it’s not my business anyway, but I- I know how much you’ve wanted to do that for the school, and I thought maybe this would be a good place to start and-“

Dan interrupts him then, flinging himself forward and wrapping his arms around Phil’s neck. He’s half a second away from kissing him, but at the last second his lips change course and land firmly against Phil’s lovely cheek. Despite the change Dan’s felt this evening in that aspect of their behavior, this is one moment of their genuine real relationship that Dan doesn’t want to mar with the confusion of his romantic feelings. So instead he hugs his best friend as tightly as he can, feeling full of something warm and fuzzy when Phil wraps his arms around Dan’s waist and squeezes.

“Thank you,” Dan whispers. “Thank you so much, that...” he clears his throat. “That means more than you’ll probably ever know.”

Phil kisses his cheek, right where his dimple is. “Of course. Anything for you, you know that,” he says, his voice soft and full of feeling.

Dan squeezes him once more before releasing him, giving him another smile before they get into the car. Almost immediately, their hands find each other again over the console separating them, and Dan resigns himself, happily, to a one-handed drive.

~~~

The flat is quiet when they get home, both of them more than ready to get out of their suits and into some pajamas. Phil murmurs that he’s going to go put the gift bags away and Dan nods before going to check on the kids. As expected, the twins are fast asleep in their beds, and Dan creeps through the room, making sure each of them are tucked with their favorite plushies. He kisses the top of both of their heads, and only Mia stirs, just a bit.

Walking down the hall, he hears quiet voices and finds Phil, minus his shoes and suit coat, talking to Levi in the kitchen. “And they didn’t give you any trouble going to bed on time?”

Levi shakes his head with a smile. “Not at all. I uh... pulled a Dan and stayed in there to read to them for a while and they both just fell asleep.”

Phil looks relieved. “Perfect. Did we leave you enough money for the food? Did you all have enough to eat?”

Dan steps behind him then, wrapping his arms around Phil’s waist with a hum. To his credit, Phil doesn’t even jump at the suddenness of the contact. “Stop interrogating him, you sound like me,” he chastises, grinning at Levi over Phil’s shoulder.

Phil huffs, crossing his arms. “You worried before, I’ll handle worrying after. Go to bed.”

Dan shakes his head, kissing Phil’s jaw before stepping away. “I don’t really think that’s how this works,” he says. He turns to Levi then with a smile. “You guys were okay I take it?”

Levi nods, looking tired but happier than Dan’s seen him since he moved in. “We were fine. I’m exhausted though, I’ll give you that. I don’t know how you guys do it.”

Phil flicks his gaze over to Dan’s and they share a smile. “It’s worth being tired,” Dan says simply. “But you’re a kid too, and the kids shouldn’t have to be tired for doing the parents job, so it’s time you head to bed too, bub.”

There’s a flicker of disappointment on Levi’s face and then it’s gone as he nods in agreement. “Okay,” he says, turning to leave the kitchen with a little wave. Before he gets too far though, he spins back around, quirking a brow. “Did you guys have fun on your date?” He asks with a smirk.

Dan flushes, not even sure why it embarrasses him for Levi to call it that. Before he can answer, Phil puts his hand on Dan’s back, nodding for the both of them. “We did, yeah.”

“So does this mean you guys trust me enough now to leave us home alone every now and again? You could have a weekly date night,” Levi says with a very sweet smile. A twitch of his lip shows that he’s mostly kidding.

Dan rolls his eyes. “Thank you for the suggestion, Levi. We’ll think about it,” Dan nods to the stairs, his arms crossed. “To bed, kiddo. Don’t forget about therapy tomorrow.”

Levi nods, waving half heartedly as he leaves the kitchen. “Yeah, alright. Night, guys.”

“Goodnight, Levi,” Phil calls. He turns to face Dan with a smile. “The twins okay?”

Dan nods, pulling his suit jacket off. “Yeah, they’re all tucked in with their plushies.”

“Good,” Phil nods, leading the way back to their bedroom. He’s flung his jacket across the bed and Dan makes a petulant noise when he sees it. ��Sorry,” Phil grins, going to hang it up. “What pjs do you want to wear?” He asks, pulling one of their dresser drawers open and sifting through it.

“Mm. Just a shirt, please. Something cozy,” Dan mumbles, taking his shoes off and neatly placing them back on the rack. He places Phil’s beside them, smiling at how neat it looks.

“Here,” Phil says, handing Dan a folded up tee. When he grabs it, Dan realizes it’s one of the shirts Phil had gotten him on a family vacation to Florida a few years ago. It’s got little cats in space suits and is quite honestly the best piece of clothing he owns, in his opinion.

“Thanks,” Dan says, working on unbuttoning his shirt. The bundled up t-shirt in one hand makes it difficult to make any progress though, and Dan makes an annoyed noise through his nose. “Stupid shirt-“ he mutters darkly to himself, tugging on the second button aggressively.

“C’mere, idiot,” Phil says fondly, knocking Dan’s hands out of the way in order to actually unbutton the shirt. Dan watches his hands, lips quirking when he notices how they’re shaking.

“Your hands are shaky,” he murmurs softly. “You okay?”

Phil lets out a quivering laugh. “You just make me nervous, sometimes.”

“Me?” Dan asks, incredulous. “How?”

Phil gives him a look, but doesn’t answer. His knuckles brush Dan’s stomach as he gets to the last couple of buttons, and Dan can’t stop a shiver from crawling down his spine. Phil pauses his movements, eyes flickering up to meet Dan’s again. The blue-green of his eyes is almost completely gone, his pupils blown out and making his eyes look darker than Dan knows them to be. Dan’s breath catches as their gazes lock, the soft sound audible in the limited space between them.

Swallowing hard, and trying not to spook him too much, Dan raises his hands carefully to Phil’s neck. He brushes his fingers against the bow tie around Phil’s neck, and he shivers. “I’m gonna take your tie off, yeah?” Dan whispers. Any amount of volume sounds like screaming right now, in this quiet space between them.

“Yeah,” Phil breathes back. His hands slowly drop down to undo the last two buttons of Dan’s shirt, and he hesitates, his hands poised in the air at Dan’s waist. His eyes drop from Dan’s gaze to stare at the bare skin of his chest and he cautiously reaches out, tucking his hands inside Dan’s open shirt and smoothing over his waist, just above the band of his trousers.

Just that innocent contact has Dan flushing, and he drops his gaze to where he’s undoing Phil’s bow tie, trying to hide from Phil’s searching eyes. “You looked so good tonight,” Dan says, the confession almost inaudible.

“Yeah?” Phil whispers back, squeezing the bare skin at Dan’s hips.

Dan nods, tugging the tie loose and tossing it on the dresser. He focuses on his hands as he undoes the buttons of Phil’s shirt, working slowly down the line. “I was really proud to be your date for the evening.”

Phil makes a soft noise at that. “Dan...” He takes a deep breath, almost like he’s steeling himself for something, and suddenly Dan can’t do it. He knows, with how their evening has gone so far, how this chat would go and what it is Phil might be gearing up to say, but right now- Dan can’t hear it. They’ve lived in this little bubble of peaceful in-between for so long, and right now, he isn’t mentally prepared for how their relationship could change if they have the chat they both know is coming.

“All done,” he says, loud in the space they were just occupying. His hands gently press against Phil’s stomach, pushing him out of Dan’s space a bit. “I’m gonna go have a wee and brush my teeth,” he announces, moving to step past Phil.

Phil catches his arm before he can get too far. He’s got a pained sort of look on his face. “We need to talk, Dan.”

And there it is.

“I... I know, just... not tonight, please? We’ve had such a good night, just... tomorrow?” Dan practically begs.

Phil looks reluctant, but nods slowly, running his palm gently down the length of Dan’s arm before it falls away. “Alright. Tomorrow.”

Dan nods in agreement. He’s already trying to think of a way to prolong it past tomorrow, but he’s not about to tell Phil that. Nodding to the bathroom, he holds up his pjs. “Be right back.”

When Phil nods, Dan quickly disappears into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him, something he very rarely does anymore. His hands are shaking as he goes to have a wee, and when he’s finished he washes his hands a little too vigorously, as if that’ll help with the tremors. He’s just washing his face when the bathroom door opens and Phil pops his head in.

“Remember to take your meds,” he reminds, studying Dan in the mirror.

Dan nods, gesturing to the pillbox on the tap. “I’m going to,” he replies with a little smile.

Phil looks relieved. He glances around the bathroom almost awkwardly. “Is it okay if I...”

Dan’s quick to nod, trying to force a casualness he doesn’t really feel. “Yeah, course.”

He tries not to watch as Phil comes in, moving through his own nightly routine of washing his face, brushing his teeth, and taking his contacts out. Dan’s a step behind him, just reaching for his toothbrush when Phil is fastening the top back on his contact lens pot, and instead of leaving, Phil leans against the counter and watches him.

It makes Dan feel even more nervous, and now his hands are shaking even more as he tries to ignore the way Phil’s very obviously studying him. “Quit looking at me,” he mumbles around a mouthful of toothpaste.

Phil’s got a smile on his face when Dan glances at him. “Sorry.” It doesn’t sound very genuine, but then he sighs, reaching out and tugging gently on the hem of Dan’s t-shirt. “You just look kind of adorable in that shirt,” he says with a sweet smile.

Dan flushes red all over at the compliment. “Shut up,” he grumbles before spitting out the foam in his mouth and reaching for their little rinse cup. It doesn’t hit him until after he’s swishing the water around in his mouth that this is another one of their things, another little domestic object that they share, undisputed. He places it gently back on the tap before spitting the water out. “I’m tired,” he announces, turning to leave the bathroom without another glance at Phil.

He crawls into bed, a real exhaustion suddenly wearing on him as he does, proof of the full day they’ve both had. Phil slides into bed beside him after turning the light off, casting the room in a near pitch-darkness. He shifts around a bit before finally settling, and then it’s so dead quiet that Dan nearly stops breathing, the sound shockingly loud in the silence.

“Come here,” Phil says softly.

“Why?” Dan mumbles, unthinkingly.

Phil lets out a huff. “Because I want to hold you, that’s why, rat.”

“Oh,” Dan whispers. He slowly shifts over, crowding into Phil’s space gradually. Phil apparently doesn’t have the same patience, as he hooks an arm around Dan’s waist and tugs him right up against his chest.

“Mm,” Phil hums contently in Dan’s ear. “Are you comfy?”

Dan smiles at the low voice. “Yeah, baby, I’m comfy.”

Phil kisses his jaw, close to his ear. “Good.”

They lay in silence for long enough that Dan assumes that Phil has already fallen asleep. He’s proven wrong when he feels another kiss, this one pressed to his hair, followed by Phil squeezing his waist. “You okay?” Dan mumbles, something worrying in the strength of Phil’s grip.

“I’m fine,” Phil says dismissively. There’s an audible hesitance in the following silence until he whispers, “Did you really have a good night?”

Dan tilts his head back a little to smile at him. “Of course I did.” He nuzzles into Phil’s chest, leaving a fleeting kiss on the collar of his t-shirt. “I wanted to say thank you again, by the way. For the whole...” he gestures vaguely. “Talking to Bryony for me. That was really sweet of you.”

Phil kisses his forehead. Dan feels so small in his embrace. “Of course. I mean...” Phil sighs. “Even before the whole fake dating thing, I would’ve done that. You... you’re my best friend in the whole world, Dan.”

“I know,” Dan replies, his voice cracking in an embarrassing sort of way. “I know that,” he repeats after clearing his throat. “This wouldn’t work if we weren’t.”

“Right,” Phil says slowly. He tugs gently at Dan’s shirt, and Dan feels his heart flutter at the way Phil’s hand sneaks underneath the fabric. His nails lightly scratch over Dan’s back, and the feeling is so light and gentle that it sends shivers all over Dan’s spine. “But even outside of this part of our life, the part that’s just for now... you’ll always be my best friend, yeah?”

Dan swallows hard. Something hot and sick is crawling at his throat, making him feel suddenly fidgety and anxious. He goes to shift and Phil’s hand splays out on his back, holding him steady like he’s falling. He is, in a way.

“Of course, yeah,” he rasps out, half-responding to Phil. The half of his brain that isn’t stupid and filled with mush is trying desperately to come up with a way to curb his anxiety.

He finds that distraction in the way Phil strokes his back in long sweeps, and Dan feels himself relaxing into it. “You look so cute,” Phil whispers.

Dan smiles, his eyes having fluttered shut at some point. “Thanks,” he mumbles.

Phil laughs, and then there’s an easy, sleepy silence spreading over them. Dan’s brain, even as it slows down with the impending sleep, manages one last coherent thought. “Phil?”

“Mhm?”

Dan smacks his lips as he tries to remember what he wanted to ask. “How long do you think we can do this for?”

“What?” Phil asks, nearly inaudible.

“This,” Dan mumbles, punctuating his words with a squeeze of his arm around Phil’s torso. “It’s got a deadline, doesn’t it?” It’s not really a question. Dan knows the answer.

The question’s not completely out of left field, Dan thinks vaguely. It’s been on his mind all night rather consistently, and even before that he’s thought about it from time to time; wondering if they’ll get to celebrate Christmas with the kids, or Easter. Sometimes his mind races past that, to the what if’s beyond their current family unit: what if someday these children were moved somewhere else, would they even be able to cope well enough to move on and foster other children? Or would this whole thing, this whole life they’d built together, come crashing down?

“I don’t know,” Phil eventually answers, after what feels like hours.

Dan nuzzles his chest. “Not forever though, I guess?”

Phil leans down and kisses his cheek softly. “Let’s not think about that tonight. We’ve had a good night and we can talk about this tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Dan says quietly. There’s a lot on their plate for tomorrow’s conversations, it seems. Suddenly Dan’s so exhausted, he feels like he could sleep for a year. He’s not sure how much of that is genuine exhaustion and how much is the desire to avoid the confrontation he knows will be waiting for him on the other side of tomorrow. He kisses Phil’s neck. If this is the last night they have like this, with this same platonic intimacy, he wants it to end on a good note. “Love you,” he mumbles, intentionally low and inaudible.

Phil rubs soft circles between his shoulder blades. “Love you too, bear.”

#phan #phanfiction #parent!au #parent!phan #foster parent au #bbc producer!phil #school counselor!dan #fake relationship #friends to lovers #best friends #if you don't love me pretend #iydlmp #chapter 20

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diyunho · 4 years

Text

The Joker x Reader - “Trapped”

Almost one year ago, someone tried to kill The Joker in a speeding car and Y/N pushed him out of the way, getting hit instead. With a fractured skull and broken bones, she was out of business for 6 months; when she finally recovered, The Queen of Gotham wasn’t the same anymore. Trapped inside her own mind and exhibiting severe cognitive impairment, Y/N’s life switched upside down without any hope of ever returning to normal.

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

“Do you think she’s faking it?” Santos whispers and his boss Jericho replies under his breath.

“Nope, not faking it. Y/N’s been like that since she recovered from the accident 5 months ago.”

The mobster and the newbie bodyguard watch you in silence while you cuddle with your yellow teddy bear: from time to time you kiss its forehead and then squeeze him tightly in your arms again.

“I heard rumors,” Santos addresses the gossip. “Is it true she’s like that because of Mister Joker?”

“Kind of,” Jericho mumbles. “Someone tried to kill him in a speeding car and Y/N pushed him out of the way; she got hit instead. Full impact, you know? Broken bones and fractured skull plus an inoperable hematoma that presses on her frontal lobe. She was out of business for 6 months and when she finally recovered… Well, you can see the result; major cognitive impairment. Not herself anymore…”

“You sure are informed boss,” Santos chuckles. “Weird a man like Mister Joker chose to allow this situation for so many months: 6 months for her to recover then 5 extra ones of this behavior… He’s not tolerant person.”

Jericho lifts his shoulders up, indifferent to the henchman’s insinuations.

“How do you think sex is?” Santos winks and a crabby voice freezes the words on his lips.

“Challenging,” J growls, displeased at the speculation on his private life.

The two mobsters turn in their chair and he passes by in a hurry, taking a sit by you on the small couch situated in the middle of the warehouse.

“I’m done inspecting the cargo, looks good. My crew is putting the money together for the payment; should be done shortly.”

Alarm chimes on his cellphone and he detaches a tiny pouch out of his suit’s pocket, getting your attention too.

“Hey Pumpkin, you have to take your meds.”

“Hm?...” the confused Y/N stares at him as she bounces the teddy bear on her knees.

“Here, take this,” J offers 3 capsules with a bottle of water and you have difficulty understanding the request. Yet he’s not annoyed and helps you regardless of having an audience: The Joker plainly doesn’t give a damn.

“Perhaps if you give her a lollipop she’ll be receptive; might improve sex also,” Santos snorts, ignoring Jericho’s instant warning:

“Watch your mouth!”

The offender is not worried though: he believes that being his boss’s protégé grants him immunity regarding his own carelessness.

“It might,” The King’s sinister grin creeps up on the red lips. “Thanks for the advice, I’ll try it.”

“She loves that teddy bear, huh?” Santos implies and surprisingly enough J explains why:

“I got it for her on our first date. We were walking downtown late at night, Y/N saw it displayed in a window at a toy store and loved it. So I shattered the glass, took it and both ran away since I triggered the alarm. I had this feeling that pretending to be sweet would get me laid.”

“Did it work?” the goon pressures for a confession, laughing at The Joker’s honest answer:

“No.”

“Sir!!” Panda yells from across the huge room. “Can we get you for a sec?”

“Excuse me,” he sneers and leaves the group while Jericho preaches to the bodyguard:

“Are you completely stupid?! Don’t say stuff like this in front of him!!”

“You’re one of his main business partners and he won’t risk initiating trouble. My opinion is that Y/N and Mister Joker are playing games, totally pretending about her condition. Let me try a puny experiment and find out if I’m correct.”

“What are you doing?!” the puzzled Jericho inquires as Santos gets up from his chair and sneaks by the sofa.

“I never had the pleasure of meeting Y/N, but if the information circulating around is accurate about her she will shred me to pieces if I do this.”

He inspects the surroundings for a moment: not a soul nearby and the unexpected slap landing on your cheek makes you jump.

“Anybody home?” Santos bends over to analyze your reaction.

“Cut it out!” Jericho raises his voice, uneasy about his bodyguard’s deed.

“Mister Joker!!” Frost shouts from beyond a few creates he’s sorting out while keeping an eye on you.

Only idiots would have the impression J doesn’t have a system in place appointed to ensure your safety; obviously Santos is one of them.

“Boss!” Jonny reports to The Joker emerging from the back room. “Santos slapped Y/N!”

“I didn’t!” the latest defends his conduct, worried to notice your furious boyfriend stomping towards him.

“Let’s not be hasty,” Jericho attempts to fix this major mess-up yet The Clown Prince of Crime removes his gun from the holster, shooting Santos in the head: he knows Frost wouldn’t lie, thus he doesn’t need a justification for murder.

“Jesus, Mister Joker! You didn’t have to do that!” Jericho reprimands although he should zip it.

“You let him disrespect me on my territory?!” The Joker yanks at your hand. “Let’s go, Pumpkin!”

“I had no clue he’ll do it, ok?”

“If you can’t control your men, then give up leadership!” J drags you after him as you struggle to catch up. “The deal is off!” he screams and Jericho is unhappy about the outcome.

“What do you mean the deal is off??! We’ve been planning this for weeks!”

“Take your merchandize, disappear and I’ll enjoy my money, is that clear enough for you?!” the crazy green haired individual slams the gate, guiding you to the car in the parking lot. “Why are you such a pushover?” he angrily scolds. “I’m so tired of this crap!” J shoves Y/N in the passenger’s sit, aggravated to the point of blaming her for ruining his profitable transaction.

************* “That was such a good deal and I blew it! It’s all your fault!” he accelerates while you seek to make sense of everything thrown your way: when memories, concepts and sounds are melted in a brain lacking the affluence of logic, forming simple sentences physically hurts.

“You made me lose my temper!” The Joker lashes out since he’s aware his decision to cancel the arrangement with Jericho wasn’t the best. “You can’t defend yourself and you barely articulate elementary words! I miss having conversations with you, Y/N! Can your mind comprehend this?! You used to be funny, sassy and witty! You’re accountable for what happened, you dumb woman! I wouldn’t have done the same for you, I hope you know that!!!!”

You close your eyes, concentrating very hard on his remarks: something about wit, sass and… and…

It’s too much so you cover your ears, which prompts him to completely have a meltdown.

“Get out of the car!” he hits the breaks, leaning over to open the door on your side. “Get out I said!” he screams and forces you out against your will: you start crying, incapable of discerning what he wants and it makes you increasingly anxious. “Go be useless on your own!” he closes the door and takes off, abandoning Y/N without money or any other means in the industrial area outside Gotham City.

J continues to drive for another 15 minutes before halting at Southampton railway crossroads: the barriers are blocking the path and the red light keeps blinking, a sign the train is approaching. Not a lot to do besides waiting so he deeply exhales, still fuming at today’s events.

The Joker huffs at the sight of your teddy bear resting in between the seats; you probably dropped it when he nicely asked you to flee the vehicle.

Why are you attached to this boring stuffed animal to begin with? I mean, each time it requires washing you won’t budge from the laundry room until it’s returned to you. After the accident you carry it everywhere so maybe you wonder where it’s at…

J taps the steering wheel, pissed this idea randomly popped to bother him.

Nothing to be concerned about, he ditched you in the industrial area… that’s been closed for the last four years… the factories are empty, no people there… except creeps… searching for easy prey… like you…

“Fuck!” he abruptly backs out and the skid marks on the gravel certainly indicate he’s in no rush at all.

In less than 15 minutes he sees you limping on the right side of the road and slowly pulls over, waiting for you to get to the car. However, there’s a small fact The Joker didn’t anticipate: Y/N disregards the car plus its driver and keeps walking.

“Great…” he sighs. Stepping on his pride isn’t common practice for him, yet he grabs the yellow toy, sprints out of the SUV and follows the upset Queen. “Hey Pumpkin! Hey!!”

You immediately turn around and stutter, frustrated:

“Y-you left me!!”

J is stunned to hear what he considers a whole tirade coming out of you; he’s positive it took a lot of effort.

“Umm…you forgot your teddy,” he extends his arms and you snatch it, hugging the plush bear to your chest. “I don’t understand what’s so important about a cheap…”

“Hm?” you frown, interrupting.

“The toy I got for you,” J repeats. “Why do you like it?” he simplifies the phrase so you can better process its meaning.

“Reminds…”, you strain really hard to organize your thoughts, “Reminds me… when you liked me… when I was… when I was smart…” and you wipe your tears, upset. “Now… now I’m stupid…”

The Joker doesn’t know what to say and him not having a reply it’s a rare occurrence.

“You’re not stupid,” he mutters and because you won’t quit sobbing the question arises: “Hey Y/N, who’s my girl?”

What is he talking about…? A girl?...What girl?...

You spin to check your surrounding and J lectures, exasperated.

“For God’s sake, Princess. I’m talking about you: you’re my girl!”

“Hm?”

“Let’s put the neurons in your beautiful brain to rest, shall we? I think they’re oversaturated,” The Clown Prince of Crime decides, pleased to see he distracted you and you’re not crying anymore. “Are you hungry?”

You appear lost and he hints:

“You want food? We can get pizza, wings, possibly ice-cream from our favorite place. OK?”

“Pizza?” your face lights up and so does his without him realizing.

“A-ha. You love your peperoni, true?”

Oh boy, thank heavens the trick worked and you’re in the car again without any additional energy from his part; you didn’t caught on to it and it’s perfect. I guess your situation has a few perks.

“Hey Y/N, you know what else I miss?” The Joker cruises up the street, sulking. “Our fights! I swear I do! I lived for that shit! When you told me you hated me and I wanted to end you,” he snickers at the recollection. “If you hated me so much why did you save me?”

“No hate…” you smile and he’s truly amazed you kept up with his rambling. “Love…” you playfully touch his shoulder with the teddy bear’s paw.

The King of Gotham is speechless again; he avoids glaring in your direction and he’s relieved you don’t have enough transparency to notice how flustered he is.

“Pumpkin…” J grumbles in a low tone. “Do you believe that after that blood clot in your brain is reabsorbed, you’ll be more like your old self? The doctors said it won’t make a difference, but what the hell do they know?! Please say yes, even if it’s a lie. Hey Pumpkin,” he reiterates since you emotionlessly gaze at the landscape outside. “Say yes.”

“Hm?”

“SAY: YES,” The Joker persists.

“Yes?”

“Good girl,” he smirks and hastens towards the city. “You want ice-cream first?” the inquiry continues, yet J is used to monologues regardless. “Are you gonna let me have a bite? Can you predict what else I would like a bite of?” he leans over and whispers in your ear.

“Hm?...” the disoriented Y/N crinkles her nose.

“Dammit!” The Clown Prince of Crime exclaims. “You’re supposed to mention it’s indecent and then agree to it, Y/N!”

What does he want now?... something about a bite?

You reach over and take his hand, sinking your teeth in the laughing mouth tattoo.

J snorts and then starts cracking up with all his heart, the awkward noises making you giggle.

”What am I going to do with you, Princess?” he shakes his head, amused nevertheless at your interpretation.

The Queen doesn’t answer, very captivated by The Joker’s silver grin; one could estimate it makes her happy although she can’t pinpoint the reason why. Y/N snuggles with the teddy bear that the madman stole for her on their first date hoping he’ll get laid, already delighted about their upcoming lunch.

The woman may not be the same person she was before the accident, but at least one detail is unchanged: she’s still The Joker’s Pumpkin.