#p: say something

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[fangdyk3]

#ryan please. .. …say something to me girl #i know live slug reaction is dead but i NEEDED to make this #panic! at the disco #p!atd #ryan ross #brendon urie

[noa-nightingale]

Okay I... am maybe not the best person to talk about this but I have serious problems with Jessie Gender's new video, When Your Favorite Creator Turns Out to Be Zionist.

Let me first say - I like Jessie Gender. I watched many of her videos and I think she has a lot of very interesting, moving, important things to say about topics like queerness, humanity and such.

But this video just... irked me.

I do not like how she talks about Zionists and Zionism. I have seen how the word Zionist is used against Jewish people. I am not the best person to put it into words but I do not like it when it is used as an insult or implied to be inherently a bad thing.

She seems to use it to mean "person who supports Israel's actions" (implied to support what she calls a genocide throughout the video) and that... is not right.

There are other issues I have as well with the video, like comparing the I/P situation to the Holocaust. There are more things but I am honestly not qualified to speak on them.

Before someone accused me of "supporting a genocide" - I do not. I wish for peace and safety for Palestinians AND Israelis. (And since I have been called a Zionist in the past - I do not consider myself to be one.)

I am just generally disappointed by a creator I like tbh.

I don't think I got my thoughts across very well. I'll be on the lookout for posts made by Jewish people about this video.

#jessie gender #antisemitism #i/p #jumblr #<- i am sorry for putting this in the jumblr tag #i can delete that tag if needed #i just... kind of... am hoping to hear the thoughts of jewish people on this #y'all will have a lot more nuanced and better things to say about this #i am kind of nervous to post this but i wanted to say something

[stuckinapril]

used to daydream about fairytale reconciliations after pretty much every platonic or romantic fallout i ever had, but sometimes it’s healthier to just accept that someone will never own up bc they don’t think you’re worth the trouble. anyone who truly cares would move mountains just to make sure that they communicate w you if they truly want to rectify the situation. but sometimes it’s their ego getting in the way, sometimes they have a narrative of you in their head they’re determined not to break, and sometimes they just don’t care enough about you to even consider it. they don’t have respect for the friendship or relationship in its posthumous state bc it was nothing to them, or at the very least it doesn’t eclipse their pride or their desire to appear correct in a situation or just outright the need to be done w the situation rather than be a good person. still guilty of this but i’ve been getting better at just nipping the delusion in the bud and just being okay w accepting that someone truly does not care. until they prove they do that is the assumption i go w every time. and it is saving me a lot of heartache

#i held out on my ex for MONTHS after we broke up thinking he’d hit me up and be like yo sorry #u did not deserve the way that went down. i should’ve gone about it better #i should’ve taken ur feelings into consideration bc if nothing else the time spent together meant something #even if in the present moment it’s done and i don’t see us going back #i think i owe u that. at the very least in honor of what we had #but did he say any of those things #NO #i’m fine #i’ve had this happen w friendships too like people are just ruthless sometimes and they justify it or just don’t care enough to be better #trying to microdose on delusion less and accept things for what they are #these tags are a roller coaster but i’m keeping them in anyway bc i need something to look back at this weekend #p

[danandfuckingjonlmao]

btw this is how i picture dnp in the phoffice every time they name a gaming video THE most annoying clickbait imaginable simply to fuck with us:

#dnp #dan and phil #phan #dan howell #daniel howell #amazingphil #phil lester #danisnotonfire #yeet my deenp #yeet my deet #danandphilgames #dapg #d&p #HONEYMOON IN JAPAN! #DAN AND PHIL ARE BROTHERS? #DAN AND PHIL GET MARRIED HAVE KIDS AND RETIRE #DAN AND PHIL REACH SATISFACTION #DAN AND PHIL ARE GETTING DIVORCED #DAN AND PHIL REACT TO PHAN ROBLOX #SAYING GOODBYE FOREVER #WILL DAN AND PHIL GO BACK IN THE CLOSET? #SOMETHING WE WANT TO TELL YOU #DAN AND PHIL FINALLY TELL THE TRUTH #IS PHAN MY OTP? #like shut up #i hate you

[twisting-in-wonderland]

Ace has a front row seat to the soon-to-be greatest event in NRC history-

based on this pic--

the energy this exudes will always crack me up-

heres a wip btw >_>

fun fact! originally grim was gonna be O_O at Jamil too, but then i remembered that grim doesnt have an ounce of awareness in him rip

#twst #twisted wonderland #art #ram's art #azul ashengrotto #jamil viper #ace trappola #deuce spade #twst grim #uhhhh yea this is like. messy and stuff #i just wanted to break my art block that ive been stuck in for over a month with a joke lol #can you tell that i drew azul in the first pic without a reference---- i hope not lol??-------- #i /was/ gonna do the bg as the scarabia dorm - like they all got invited to a meal or something but i needed to finsih this man -- #-its been a wip for a literal month p l s #also- shout out to the cherry pie and table that were gonna have more stuff done to them but sai straight up said 'no more layers allowed:] #anyways rip azul - nice knowing ya

[solar093-art]

some adventures can get too dangerous... so it's time to summon friends :)

#my art #ffxiv #lahabrea #emet selch #azem #sometimes Azem bites off more than she can chew #so two tired but trusted friends will come and save her reckless ass :D #yes even laha :D #he is kind of a mentor to my azem #azem rarely summons him but she knows he will always come #haha i can almost hear him saying something like 'hmmm pathetic' the moment he arrives :D #but he obviously cares a lot :D #and dear hades of course instantly rushes to her side T^T #*i will probably never decide how exactly my azem should look hahah* #also yay phoenix is here again :D #how can i draw laha without his bird :P

[snekdood]

so uh

for 1. most people are gonna take advantage of black friday and wont see your specific niche tumblr post, I hate to say it

2. the us isnt running out of money for war any time soon, so...

3. this is just antisemitism???????? all we need is some (((echoes))) around the us and israel and then I'd have no reason to suspect otherwise from op...............

#why in tf do you think they care that much about getting your money rn and not before in any other war? #does it. mayhaps. have something to do w jewish people being involved now? #our tax dollars go to the govt regardless and has been for years and we already have an obscene amount of funding for military shit #preeetty sure they're not concerned about getting a couple hundred tumblr users money... #and also pretty sure one could only believe that if they're paranoid about jewish ppl................. #hard not to put two and two together and figure out op is prolly antisemitic and hopefully they just dont realize it #i say hopefully they dont realize it bc thats better than someone who knows and is pretending to be a leftist still. #if anything this pause happened bc its thanksgiving and biden doesnt wanna think about it over the holidays. thats p much it. #thats the only amount of conspiracy theory im willing to believe in this situation lmao. #but that ^ still assumes that biden has some sort of control over this that he really doesnt #and i dont think netanyahu cares that much about thanksgiving tbr... #it sounds more like to me that op is seeing this from a very american centric pov and assumes everyone celebrates thanksgiving #or cares enough about it to remember the dates.... i dont think this is as planned as op is making it out to be and any insinuation #that it IS planned sounds like conspiracy theory talk to me personally. i dont think biden is hittin netanyahu up and going #'hey thursday is thanksgiving and would be the perfect time to pause so we can (((get peoples money))) out of them #asiftheUSdoesnthaveplentyalready' like i just really dont think that convo is happening lmao.

[softinvasions]

Stunt Double • July 2021.

Facing you, I am tidally locked. I am not yet caught in orbit. I want to be a body for you. Know this: I am only as good as you are willing to be to me. There is nothing but the sound of the mirror shattering. No light between us but the sound of the mirror. To me, there is nothing. I am only as good as you are willing to be. For you know this: I want to be a body caught in orbit, tidally locked. I am not yet facing you. (I am.)

#p #composition #archive #i started this in july of 2021 and i am SICK OF LOOKING AT IT so here it is beaten into something presentable #awful horrid evil terrible form never ever do this NOT WORTH IT #my girlfriend voice: it looks almost like a castle #me: SACRED KINGS HIDING IN /MY/ MIMETIC FORM? IT'S MORE LIKELY THAN YOU THINK #also everyone say thank you to my girlfriend for fixing One Word for me that made this Good #to start the orbit exchange all over again #the box of language desires form but not restraint

[zzz1gzag]

4ggravate game nights go well.

(click for better quality!!)

#genshin impact #cyno #genshin fanart #tighnari #alhaitham #kaveh #4ggravate #genshin impact fanart #cyno definitely infodumps #really hope yall can tell what the beanbags are #also if yall can think of other games that would make drunk kaveh sob suggest them and i'll make alt versions lmao #cyno genshin impact #they confiscated kavehs alcohol :p #cynonari #?? #i say that actually paying attention to cynos ramblings is nothing if not true love #i think that this started because kaveh said something along the lines of “i can never win at tcg” #tigh jumped at him to stfu #too late #cynos hyperfixations work FAST #also yes alhaitham is in the duolingo hoodie #your own theories how they managed that

[yuseirra]

I was pretty sure yukari's shirt that she wears while she's cooking had a small opening in it.. I had to check if I wasn't imagining it

her clothes are so pretty and hey! You can cook with her on Christmas day!! Awesome!!

#THEY LOOK SO GOOD NEXT TO EACH OTHER.. #minayuka #shuyuka #persona 3 reload #p3 reload #every time I draw them I keep saying this but their colors work so well next to each other #and they look like actual newlyweds here.. #it could have been something that could have happened #persona #waves at atlus P LEA SE #persona 3 #please give a reality where they are actually married #I can actually see that from this screenshot #anyhow as a yukari fan I've been eating good with this game #this ship is really cute #doodle

[soracities]

thinking of Kafka's so called failed drawing of a horse and my theory regarding the classic "its impossible to draw a horse" dilemma is not that you can't draw a horse but that hardly anyone can truly draw a Horse because even when you have it down anatomically you've still missed the Essence of Horse, the horseness of the Horse, if you will, and this is EVERYTHING

you can draw a cat or a pigeon and absolutely capture the catness and the pigeonness of a cat and a pigeon but the horseness of a horse is so phenomenally antithetical to any and all visual representation it will never sit right ever. got the proportions perfectly rendered? faithfully captured the sheen on the coat? delineated all the sinews and muscles of this insane beast in motion? great. still not a Horse though!!!

truly i think 3 year olds are sometimes the only people who see the horse for what it is bc accurate depictions of horsenessness have nothing to do w anatomy and EVERYTHING to do w expressing the Vibe of being near these ridiculous animals. like the entire history of art flounders before the horse bc no amount of breaking them into circles and boxes will help you whatsoever these creatures are made up ENTIRELY of an utterly INCOMPREHENSIBLE marriage between mad staggering bulk and fluid motion like lets be real a static image will NOT cut it no matter how perfect we think the flank-to-belly ratio is.

im sorry but the cult of Realism has warped our minds Kafka nailed it this is precisely what a horse IS precisely !!

i rest my case

#in this as in most things 3 year olds are CORRECT #also i think horses are like the sea in this regard the only people who understand the sea are aivazovsky and turner and even then turner #understands it via proxy bc he has a very liquid understanding of light & refraction above all else #when jean michel maulpoix said they see blue but will never understand how to say it or something along those lines he was right and this #can also apply to horses #idir lúibíní #p

[turtleblogatlast]

imo Leo has every right to be prideful about his appearance because if I had red stripes over my eyes, I’d make my face a personality trait too

#rottmnt #rottmnt leo #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rip to the other tmnt variations that are also sliders but don’t have the stripes #unironically i think leo’s design is the best in the series for the stripes alone ngl #immediately drew me to his character #like i love each and every tmnt bro there is no one who is bad and y’all can fight me on that #but rise leo just LOOKS the best imo #he’s got the one benefit that p much no one else in the series has: something more than a mask to make his face stand out #plus the blue and red look so sick frfr #bros the face man for a REASON #ok but like side note i really love the character designs in rise in particular #but also like…every set of turts per series has such a specific and special style that are ALL GOOD #(but red stripes win out) #(like those are built in eyeliners c’mon) #i will say i also really love 2012 Mikey’s freckles they are Very Cute #and i also love love love when the characters have tooth gaps it’s always cute

[wizardo-yo]

hey y'all! the time has come!! i just finished a very short Wizard101 (and slightly Pirate101) fan game called Passageways!

in it, you retrace the steps of a lost adventuring group through a mysterious world and try to uncover what happened there

the link is here if you'd like to download and check it out for yourself!

#wizard101 #w101 #wizzy fandom #pirate101 #p101 #i don't even know what to tag this one as #game development #gamedev #i guess #unity3d #blender3d #also the game is free but if u wanna donate something thatd be p poggers :3c #imma be honest i say game but its more like interactive fanfiction #also okay so the footage is a little old bc i added a few changes to the decorations after recording and i didn't wanna re-edit the trailer #you know how it is #also special thankies to savethespiral for being my editor truly could not have done this without u

[allmightyscroll-swag]

Shout-out to @onejellyfishplease for creating a fic that my brain latched onto so violently that I think of it on a weekly basis

Man, i can't imagine having the feeling of something literally buzzing under your skin writhing to be let out let out let out- being comfortable.

Original sketch below cut;

It was way more moody but I was like. no . The boy is overwhelmed the arts gotta be BRIGHT and EYESORE-y

#im not one to make fanart for fics i read #like. at all #i can't remember a time where a fic affected me so hard i drew something for it #but THIS? #THIS FIC? #oufufufh #scratch that actually. #this AUTHOR? #this ARTIST? #god im so emotional over their snapdonnie #LIKE??? WHY MUST YOU DO THAT TO HIM AND HIS FAM P L E A S E IM CRYING #i don't know how to draw body horror and overall gore but DAMN MAYBE THIS IS THE MOMENT I LEARN #just. god. i love all of their Donnie's so much. #all four of them. #id say I'm feral over it but that feels weird #i am in love tho #if you couldn't tell lmao #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt #rottmnt donnie #rise donnie #donatello #scrolls art

[carrymelikeimcute]

Izzy's the perfect height to wrap his arms around Stede and kiss him on the shoulder, and I just think that's neat.

#stizzy #gentlehands #no but why does this sound like something Ed would say :P