#oversharing like crazy in these tags but oh well!!!!!

[triplexdoublex]

Pornstar

Pairings: Colson x Reader

Warnings/Tags: rough sex, anal sex, face fucking, gagging, spit, spitting in mouth, slight bondange, golden showers, pissing in mouth, slapping across face, being filmed.

A/N: Shout out to Shawnie ( @heytheregreeneyes) for always letting me use her as my OC and being my best friend. Also Colson isn’t MGK in this, just a pornstar so his personality isn’t as cocky as he usually is. I know I’ve mentioned it before but the sex in this is loosely based off my fave porn star Small Hands AKA Aaron Thompson. Hope this was worth the wait. Lemme know what you think! “Open it, open it!” Your roommate and best friend Shawnie stood before you with a gift bag in hand, shaking it excitedly.

“My birthday’s not even until this weekend,” You laughed taking the bag from her. “You sure you don’t want me to wait? It’s only a few more days.”

“ No please, I’ve kept this a secret for long enough, it’s killing me! Just open it!” She exclaimed. “Plus your gonna need time to prepare.”

“Prepare?” 

“C’mom, just open it, open it, open it!!!” She was far too excited. You wondered what it could be that she was so eager to give you. But what you pulled out of the bag just left you with even more questions. 

“Thanks???” You said confused, holding up a sexy red lace bra and matching g- string that tied at hips. 

“That’s only part of it,” she assured you. “What’s your biggest wish?” She tried to clue you in.

“Ummm paying off all my student debt?” You answered still puzzled. “Did you get me a job as a stripper?” You laughed.

“Okay, maybe ‘wish’ was the wrong word to use … hmmm—oh biggest fantasy!” She corrected herself. 

“Oh to fuck my favorite porn star Huge Hands, AKA Colson Baker. You know that — wait … no, no way!”  You exclaimed as your friend started frantically nodding her head yes. “Shut up!!! What? You’re kidding. Like how?”

“Look in the bag . There’s more!” 

You reached into the bag and pulled out a pass of some kind and read it aloud. “Huge Hands/Colson Baker : Exclusive Access, Porn Star for a Day pass” 

“They were super limited, I have no clue how I managed to snag one, but I’m so happy I did! The look on your face right now is priceless!” Shawnie laughed. “It’s probably because you’re the only one I know who’s  crazy enough to actually go through with this.”

“I-I don’t even know what to say. I have no words… thank you.” You expressed your gratitude, still in shock. “I’m really about to have the best sex of my life this weekend! On my birthday yet! Have you seen his fucking cock, it’s huuuge!”

“Yes, many times,” Shawnie chuckled , entertained by how pumped you are. “Or did you forget about all the links of his umm ‘work’ you’ve sent me?” Shawnie wasn’t big on porn herself but she was always willing to take an interest in your latest obsessions, no matter what they were. That’s what you loved most about her. “Turn it over, it tells you more about what’s included on the back.”

You did as she suggested, turning the pass over to read more. “Half hour zoom call day before to privately discuss details, and needs/wants of scene; hair and make up; up to one hour of shooting time; and keepsake autographed DVD recording,” you listed off. “You know I’m gonna watch that everyday for the rest of my life, right?” 

“I’m assuming you’re gonna make me watch it at least once too, knowing you,” Shawnie laughed. 

“Yeah probably,” you laughed as well. “ I got no shame!”

*************

You’re stomach was in knots as you waited for the zoom call to begin; you’d never felt so excited and  nervous at the same time. Shawnie was there with you sitting just out of frame, when the ‘bloop’ of the call came through your computer's speakers. 

“Hi, Y/N?” Colson questioned.

“Yeah, hi. That’s me!” You did a timid little wave.

“Ok good, just wanted to make sure I got the right person before we get started here. Imagine that … Awkward!,” he laughed, and you instantly began to relax; you could tell he was going to be easy to talk to. “Well, obviously you know what I do , but I’d love to hear a little about you. Says here on your forms you’re a college student?”

“Wait, what forms?” You asked.

“The ones you filled out online with your info and kinks and things you wanted to include in our video when you purchased the Pornstar for a day package,” he answers slightly confused. 

“Ohhh, my friend bought me this for my birthday, she must have filled them out.” You responded. “She’s right here. Say hi Shawnie!”

“Hi!” She giggled leaning into frame. 

“Hello. Wow this must be some “friendship” he joked making air quotes. “Because this is a very detailed list. You gotta hear this.” He smirks. “Written in the section about what you hope to include in our scene says— and  I quote: I want Huge Hands/ Colson to absolutely destroy me. I want him to fuck my throat, my pussy and my ass. I want him to slap me around, and spit and piss in my mouth, and anything else he wants to do to me, I’m all for it.”  He choked out a laugh pulling dramatically at the collar of his shirt “Whew, I’m the pornstar here and that’s even got me blushing!”

“Oh my God, Shawnie!” You covered your beet red face.

“What!?, did I lie?” She laughed.

“I mean no, but still. Damn, to hear it out loud like that.” Your eyes bulged. 

“So it’s true then?” Colson asked slyly.

“Yeah, that pretty much sums it up,” you hid your smile behind your hand, shaking your head in embarrassed disbelief.

“Aye,  no need to be embarrassed, we’re gonna have fun tomorrow, I can tell,” he smiled. “I’m especially excited that your interested in Anal. It’s kinda my favorite. I’m assuming you’ve done it before?” 

“Yeah,” you answered simply.

“Do you enjoy it?” He asked.

“Tell him what your ex said!”  Shawnie blurted out. 

“Oh, boy. I gotta hear this,” he chuckled. “What’d the ex say?”

You inhaled deeply before speaking, “I do enjoy it, probably more than regular sex, if I’m being honest,” you admitted. There was no use trying to be coy now. “Uhhh he actually said I could be a pornstar since I can take a hard anal pounding so well.” 

“Nice!” He exclaimed. “Girl, after my own heart.”

“Jesus Christ, this conversation has me sweating already,” you chuckled standing up to pull your cardigan off. 

“Is that a little tattoo I saw there, peaking out of the top of your jeans?” He asked. 

“Yeah, you wanna see?” You unzipped your jeans without waiting for a response and lowered the top of your underwear just enough to show him. 

“ The Playboy bunny, huh? How fitting,” he teased.

“What can I say, it was my first tattoo,” you giggled “Seemed like that’s what everyone was getting at the time.”

“What else you got going on down there?” He lifted his head as if trying to see more. “Is that a landing strip?” He asked referring to the thin dark stripe of short curls just  barely visible above the band of your lowered underwear. “Can I see?” 

“Yeah, sure,” you lowered them further exposing yourself, your inhibition long gone at that point. “This is just how I normally like to groom. I can shave it completely if you prefer?” 

“Nah, it’s perfect,” he smiled. “Well, I think I have a pretty good idea now of what you like and what we’ll be getting ourselves into tomorrow. Do you have any questions or anything else you want me to know, before we end the call?” 

“I don’t think so,” you said. “Shawnie pretty much laid it all out on those forms,” you laughed. 

“That she did!” He produced a chuckle as well. “I meant to ask earlier, but, since she knows so much about your kinks and what not, have you two ever —“

“ No, just best friends, I tend to overshare, I guess.” 

“Yeah it amazes me sometimes, the things women  share with their friends, but yet guys are always the ones who are known to kiss and tell and brag about their conquests. Females can be just as bad, y’all just keep it on the low a little better,” he stated. “Well, I look forward to working with you tomorrow. Take care, and I’ll see you soon.”

“Can’t wait!” You responded. “Bye.”

“Bye,”

You felt oddly comforted and at ease after the call, no longer a ball of nerves or embarrassment. He made you feel like there was no shame in enjoying the things you did. He was very professional despite the nature of the call; it didn’t feel sleezy or overly salacious; just two consenting adults having a mature conversation about their sexual desires. 

*************************

When you walked out of hair and make-up and onto set, you saw Colson waiting for you on a red leather couch. He was clad in only black dress pants; shirtless — his tattoos on full display. He smiled seductively when he saw you, beckoning you over with a pat to his thighs. You undid your silk robe they had given you and let it slip from your shoulders to the floor, revealing the red lacy set Shawnie had bought you, as you made your way over to him. You suddenly became very aware of all the cameras and other people in the room, as you sat on his lap. Somehow it has slipped your mind that they were all a part of what went into this.

“You get used to it,” he said softly , remembering the way he felt his first time in front of the cameras. “Just pretend they’re not even there— only me and you, okay?” He said brushing a finger along your thigh. “Unless, Shawnie forgot to mention you’re an exhibitionist too, then by all means enjoy them watching us fuck,” he joked, making you laugh. “Don’t forget, if you need me to stop at anytime for any reason, just give me three quick taps,” he demonstrated, tapping your thigh. “Don’t worry about the filming, they can always edit and piece things back together if needed. This is all for you and I want you to enjoy yourself. Oh and happy birthday by the way! It’s today right?”

“Yeah,” you smiled. “Thank you.”

“Ok, so we’ll just start the scene with some kissing and light touches, and when I feel you’re ready I’ll signal the camera man, he’ll call action, and then we'll be recording.”

“Sounds good,” you nodded your head. He had made you feel so comfortable and relaxed the last bit of nervousness you chalked up to just being slightly star struck; You never thought in a million years you’d get this opportunity.

“Ready?,” he pressed his forehead to yours, staring directly into your eyes, the corners of his mouth turned up into the most alluring devilish grin. 

“Ready,” you echoed back, biting your lip trying to suppress a needy whine. God you were always such a sucker for his killer eye contact in his films, and now you were the one his eyes were soul fucking. You’re heart pounded with excited anticipation as Colson’s face drew nearer to your own. He lightly held your chin as he pressed his lips to yours, parting them to introduce his tongue. It was a welcome greeting, cut short by the breathy “oh fuck ” that involuntarily slipped from your lips.

“”You good?” He laughed softly, a small puff of air the only thing separating your mouths; your foreheads still touching. 

“More...than good,” you spoke in a short choppy sentence trying to compose yourself. 

“That’s what I like to hear,” he smirked against your lips, continuing to kiss you. 

You melted into his kisses— slow and gentle at first,  increasing in intensity as he carried on. When he nipped at your bottom lip with a low groan, you lost all innocence, shifting positions to straddle his lap. You gripped the back of his head, as he kissed you and rolled your hips against him, demanding more. And that’s when he knew … that you were ready.  He quickly signaled to the cameraman with a thumbs up, and “Action” was called. 

His hand slipped down from your chin, settling on the highest part of your neck just under your jaw, his fingers squeezing at your pulse points on either side. Roughly he turned your head to the side with a push of his thumb and his mouth began mauling your neck with an appetite for lust, leaving blooming raspberry patches along the descending path of flesh that lead to your breasts. With one hand he expertly undid the front clasp of your red lace bra and took in the sight of you.

 “Perfect,” he whispered into your flesh with a growl, taking one breast  in each hand as he licked between them, keeping his eyes locked on yours. You slid the silky straps of your lingerie over your shoulders, letting it fall, as he took turns going back and forth between each breast treating each of your nipples to light suction and a pleasurable nibble. You let out a moan at his actions and again rolled your hips in his lap, pressing yourself against the hardening bulge inside his dress pants. “Needy are we?” He teased swiftly  spinning you around so your back was to his chest. He dug his chin into your shoulder peering over it as he snatched up the crotch of your panties roughly, tugging the material up between your lips . You canted your hips up chasing after the friction of the coarse fabric against your clit. “You like that, huh?” He pulled them harsher. 

“Mmmm, yes” you squeaked out, nodding your head.

“Yeah, I bet you do,” he growled nipping at your neck. “Look at this pretty pussy,” he shoved the material to the side exposing you, letting his fingers explore your folds as he pleased. “You want my cock right in here huh?” His voice was so gravelly and low as he slipped a finger inside you, only to quickly pull it back out, teasing you. “Taste yourself,” he brought the finger to your mouth. You wrapped your lips around it, as he slid it further into your mouth, his long fingers slipping down the back of your throat. “Oh, god, yes!” He exclaimed impressed by how you didn’t even gag. “Tell ya what—“ he paused to add a second finger to your mouth, continuing to talk as you sucked “If you can suck my dick as good as that—“   he then pulled them back out of your mouth. “I might just have to fuck you right in here too,” he shoved his spit slicked fingers into your ass.

“Yes, fuck, please!” You whined, wiggling your hips, wanting his fingers deeper.  

“You like that? Huh. You dirty little anal whore!” He grabbed your neck with his free hand, keeping you pinned back against him, the fingers of his other hand still moving inside you.

“Yes, yes! I am,” you strained to speak. “Please, please fuck my ass!” You whined impatiently with pleasure. You never heard yourself sound so needy and desperate in your life.

“You sound you pretty when you beg, but you're gonna have to earn it first,” he demanded pulling out his fingers,  leaving you feeling empty. Quickly, you dropped to your knees in front of the couch as Colson got up standing before you. You waited impatiently while Colson unbuckled his belt above you. Once undone he yanked the belt free from the loops with a satisfying ‘whoosh’ that made you pulse between your thighs. You desperately clawed his pants and boxers  down his legs like a feral cat in heat as Colson brought the tip to your mouth, still holding onto his belt in the other. “Open!,” he demanded. “Goooood,” he growled in praise as you did what you were told. You reached up to grab it but ,“no hands!” he smacked them away, and then secured them behind your back with his belt. “Let’s try this again, open!” He spoke harshly. You obliged, opening wide. “Tongue” he barked.  You let it hang from your mouth with anticipation; eager breaths rolling down it like a panting dog eyeing a steak. He teased you, slapping his cock against your tongue before shoving it fully into your mouth. Your eyes prickled with tears as you fought your gag reflex, taking him down your throat. He held your head in place with one hand , the tip of your nose pressed flush against the coarse hair of his pelvis, as he hunched his body forward over yours untying the sides of your G-string. It slipped from your body leaving you completely nude. Colson smacked your ass, then gripped it harshly, making it jiggle for him before finally standing straight up and pulling his hips back to let you come up for air. 

“Huuuuuuhhhh,” you inhaled sharply gasping for breath, letting oxygen penetrate deep into your lungs before Colson stuffed your mouth again. Mascara ran down your hollowed out cheeks as you sucked. You started pulling back out of instinct when you began to gag but Colson held you in place. 

“No, keep it in your mouth,” he instructed condescendingly, looking down at you. “Just a little longer” he promised. You tried your best, Colson letting out a throaty moan every time your raw, used throat constricted around him as he fucked into it. “Mmmgghh,” he groaned, pulling out of your mouth “Goooood girl,” he praised with a smirk, before bending down to give you a sloppy kiss, swapping mouthfuls of saliva. Just as he pulled away he let a long string of collected spit slip from his pursed lips and into your open mouth, where you eagerly accepted it, moaning as you swallowed it down. 

 You let out a breathy “awhhh” as you opened your mouth again, wiggling your tongue enticingly. 

“Such a dirty, fucking whore,” he bent down again and spat directly in your face. He smeared it all over your face with his hand before grabbing you by the neck, pulling you to your feet. “Turn around,” he ordered. You did as he said and Colson undid his belt from around your wrists. Before you even had a chance to soothe your sore wrists with a rub, Colson spun you around and pushed you down onto your back on the couch, your ass teetering on the edge of the red leather cushion. “Spread yourself for me,” he instructed, as he pumped himself. Again you did as you were told; you pulled your legs up, wrapping an arm around each thigh, holding them back as you parted your opening with your fingers.  “God, you’re so fucking wet.” He teased the head of his cock through the glistening mess on display for him. 

“Fuck me,” you said in an inpatient huff, staring into his eyes. 

“Awhhh, yessss,” he groaned out, slack jawed as he sank into you

“Ohhh, shit,” you screamed out , face twisted in pleasure, your eyes slipping shut, at the feeling of him burying himself deep in your cunt.

“Open your eyes. Look at me!” He spoke harshly, cupping your face in his hands as he thrust. You opened your eyes, trying to focus on his, but your vision was  spotted by the intensity of it all. “Feel good?” He pressed his forehead to yours just as he’d done earlier , starring directly into the windows to your soul as he fucked you. You nodded the best you could, but that wasn’t good enough for him. “Words, I want words. Say yes!”

“Yes.. yes,” you responded breathily, biting at your lip.

“Yeah, Mmmghhh, that’s it. Fuck, I like it when you use your words”  he moaned , shifting himself to be more upright. He then spit on the tips of his fingers and brought them to your clit and began rubbing it furiously, his cock still destroying you.

“OH Fuck!” You cried out, wiggling and bucking your hips. 

“You gonna fucking stay still? He roughly grabbed your face, squeezing your cheeks. You nodded your head, trying your best to calm your body’s erratic, pleasure driven movements as he thrust. “Words!” He spat, his hand letting go of your face only to connect it to your cheek again with a quick, yet harsh slap.

“Shit! ...Yes!” You corrected yourself once again, Your body was  loving how aggressive he was getting the longer he fucked you and he could tell;  spitting at and striking your face again.

“Turn over!”  He ordered, abruptly pulling out. “Hands on the back of the couch.” He roughly assisted you in turning around , and you placed your hands where instructed. You arched your back and pushed your ass out waiting for him to re enter you from the new position. “This is where you really want it, huh?” He teased his cock over your asshole. 

“Yes!,” you remembered to use your words this time.

“You’re a dirty little fucking anal whore, aren’t you? He asked, he question sounding a lot more like a statement. “Let me hear you said it.” He applied pressure to your hole with the tip, as he yanked back a fist full of your hair.

“I’m a dirty little fucking anal whore!,” you repeated desperately pushing back against him.

“Mmmghh!, That you are!” He confirmed with a groan, snapping hips hips forward, quickly entering you. 

“Uhhhhh, Oh my God!” You exclaimed at the feeling. You never fully understood why you enjoyed anal as much as you did, perhaps it was the pleasurable fullness, the taboo aspect, the fact that you were one of the few woman who were into it, or the way so many men were obsessed with it , and the look on their face when they found out you were more than willing to take it up the ass, but you absolutely loved it, and this time was no different. Every jack hammered thrust brought you closer and closer to the edge, especially when Colson reached around to between your legs adding the friction of his fingers to your clit. The sensation of your ass being stuffed combined with his  touch was the perfect recipe for orgasm and you felt it building every time his cock slid in and out. 

“Yeah, cum for me,” he could feel you tightening around him. His words perfectly in sync with the  jolt of pleasure boiling over in your abdomen and ripping through you with vast intensity. A series of explitives and sounds you’ve never heard yourself make, flew from you lips as your body went boneless under Colson. He quickly pulled out, turned you back over and came across your face with a few pumps of his hand. He collapsed to the side of you briefly, before tugging you off the couch and onto your knees. “I’m not done with you just yet,” he spoke out of breath taking his softening dick in his hand. Your eyes lit up, you knew what he was referring too— the only thing on your list of wants he hadn’t included yet. “Say ahhh!”

“Ahhh,” you echoed the request, letting his golden stream fill your mouth, splash off your tongue and dribble down your chin and body. You giggled, piss spilling from your smile as you looked up at him, all your fantasies now fulfilled. 

“Annnd cut!” Called the director. A few stage hands scrambled to bring you both a towel and small refreshments. “Almost done, just gonna get you guys a little cleaned up, rehydrated, let you catch your breath a bit, and then film the little quick, post scene interview. 

“Ok,” you both answered.

Colson tossed his towel over his shoulders and reached out his hand to you “You, good?” He asked with a faint laugh , watching your hand shake as you drank your water.

“Yeah,” you answered letting him pull you up onto the couch. 

“You were amazing,” he said, rubbing your back. He knew the come down from the adrenal rush of scenes could be taxing, especially from rough ones . “You —“

“Ready,” the director interrupted, cutting him short, and immediately pressing record. “So how was it?” the director focused the camera on you first. 

“Oh my god.. mind blowing,” you answered , still out of breath, adjusting your towel. 

“And you?” The director turned the camera to Colson.

“ Absolutely amazing. She was a natural. I’d love to work with her again.”

#colson baker #colson baker fanfic #colson baker smut #colson baker x reader #mgk #mgk fanfic #mgk smut #mgk x reader #machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly fanfic #machine gun kelly smut #machine gun kelly x reader #small hands #aaron thompson

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

Sigh. It’s quiet today, so I guess it’s about time to talk about 12x06: Celebrating the Life of Asa Fox.  

This is an episode without Cas, so clearly it revolves entirely around Cas (I'm kidding, but only a little bit).  It’s also a bottle episode and a meta writer’s wet dream, so excuse me while I nerd out - this is a long one to unpack, and I have spent too much time doing it for you.  That’s ok because, as Sam says:

DIVE IN AFTER THE CUT BUDDIES!

The Asa montage is where we start.

Asa is a Dean mirror. The parallels are pretty clear - he’s a scruffy rough around the edges hunter, Mary is the reason he got into hunting, he wears a ton of flannel, etc.  If you remain unsure, the writers throw this in at the very beginning in the montage of Asa’s life as a hunter So That You Know:

Bucky: Hey, you know they make new cars, right? Asa: I don’t want a new car. This is my lucky car. 

***Canadian!Dean confirmed.

Shaine Jones may also be the Canadian Jensen Ackles.

I don’t make the rules ok?

Back in the US, the boys surprise Jody with a visit. 

In case you forgot the episode prior to this one:

Side note: domestic Jody gives me life. 

We’re clearly supposed to see how Jody is a mom figure for the boys, and it feels nice for them to have that, especially since Mary is Taking Some Space.  Their entire dynamic warms even my cold black soul.

[romantic scene of a couple silhouetted against a sunset while sweeping music plays on Jody’s TV. The couple kisses.] 

DEAN

[his mouth full of pizza] Jody, you watching some kind of chick flick here?

JODY

Well, Dean. I’m a chick. 

Kim Rhodes YOU ARE A DELIGHT.  A side note - I know this exchange is supposed to be funny, but I feel sad for Dean (who clearly is a rom com chick).  This is a perfect example of Dean struggling to present some fabricated image of heteronormative masculinity that’s not the heart of who he actually is.  His surprise that a “badass sheriff chick” can also enjoy rom coms makes me fucking upset.  

ALSO:

Anyway, Asa has passed on and the boys tag along with Jody to the wake in support.  

SAM

Yeah, no, Jody. We… we know you’ll be fine, but… you know, we never go to hunter gatherings, outside of bars. Dad always said they were trouble, so…

DEAN

Yes, you’d be doing us a favor if you let us tag along.

***more receipts that John Winchester was an isolating abuser.  They could have at least had a normal HUNTER life and friends who hunted.

SAM  

That is a big house. [Music continues playing, coming from inside the house now]

***We now establish one “theme” of the episode.

JODY

Family home. Asa was just a guy. 

AKA pretty brutal implication that Asa didn’t have a family of his own.

Speaking of implications:

[Jody removes her coat and the three of them begin mingling. Dean finds his way to the kitchen and a cooler full of beer] DEAN

No label. Well, that’s a red flag. 

****LOL WHAT THE FUCK IS THE REASON****

....

....

....

GIRL SEND HELP

Enter Bucky, who is actually (SPOILER!) the villain of the episode.

Do all hunters just walk around with this manly flannel/weird symbolic necklace combo?  Looking at you Bucky and Dean.  

Dean is surprised to find that people know who he is:

But doesn’t seem to have an issue with it until -

***Someone who just bragged the entire five hour car ride about killing Hitler shouldn’t be this concerned about what people are saying about him right? 

Or is he thinking it may involve something he isn’t comfortable sharing - since apparently there are things Dean doesn’t feel comfortable sharing as established by the prior couch conversation with Jody?  Hmmmmmm...

***Compare the expressions.  The “you’ve died four times” response is the same as the smug/proud “I killed Hitler” face.  The reaction to the “stories” is the “hey this is my personal business” reaction Dean had to Sam’s Japanese erotica art form comment. He is thinking specifically about something personal.

I wonder what it could be.

I don’t think any one had to teach Max Banes the art of seduction, but also thank you.

Also, manifesting Dean being raised by Max and Alicia’s Cool Witch Mom instead of John Trash Winchester.  Because that’s what we’re supposed to think here, correct?  Two sibling hunters usually present a brother mirror.

Worth noting Sam’s surprise that witches can also be hunters.  The John Winchester Bigotry Brain Rot runs deep.  (GOD the Sam-witch thing would have driven him crazy I LIVE FOR THAT).

Dean escapes to Asa’s office/room and proceeds to go through his things.

[Dean is in Asa’s office and finds an angel blade mounted on blue velvet inside an ornate glass-lidded box. He opens it, reaches in and pulls out the angel blade, comfortably spinning it in his hand when Sam walks in.]

SAM

Hey.

DEAN

Oh, hi. This is a real Angel Blade. I mean, this guy was legit. 

***that’s weird, why does Canadian!Dean have an angel blade?  We haven’t heard anything about angels yet, and it wasn’t in the opening montage.  Hmmmmmm, I say. Hmmmmmmm...

***Sam is also concerned about The Stories They Tell 

This one particularly:

Honestly I don’t know why he’s THAT surprised that people know he was possessed by Lucifer?  Didn’t he start like multiple apocalypses?  That’s something people tend to be in the know about. Anyhoo.

DEAN

Yeah. Apparently we’re a little bit legendary. 

SAM 

Yeah, but, I mean, so was Asa. Then a hunt went bad, and he ended up hanging from a tree, alone in the woods.

DEAN

He died on the job. No better way to go. 

SAM

You really believe that? 

DEAN

Yeah. What, you don’t? I mean, come on, Sam, it's not like we're in the “live till you're 90, die in your sleep” business. This? [Dean points at Asa’s hunting wall] This only ends one way. 

***Insert deep internal screaming about 15x20 here***

It’s Jody’s turn to be uncomfortable as we find out she and Asa were more than just friends and everyone knew it and Said Things About It and Told Stories About It.

HMMMMMMM...

Dean is surprised that Jody not only enjoys rom coms, but ruggedly hot men. Another thing they have in common.

As Dean comes to terms with the idea that Jody can be a mother figure and also a human person with a life and her own feelings and needs and thoughts, enter the person whom said lesson is actually about:

This is a Kim Rhodes Facial Expression stan account now.

So cute how Jody knows immediately that Dean is not okay.  Time to reach:

JODY

Huh. Is that why you spent the entire ride up here telling me in extreme, excruciating detail how you killed Hitler, but, uh, you neglected to mention the fact that your mom is back from the dead? 

***look, it’s another Dean doesn’t like others knowing personal information parallel!***

DEAN 

Yeah, no big deal. 

JODY

That’s a lie.

DEAN

JODY …

JODY

Look, maybe this isn't my place, and this is epic stuff, but

JODY

Yeah. Because what if I’ve changed. What if they changed? What if it just didn’t work out the way I wanted?  If you wanna talk about anything

***Killing Hitler used yet again to show Dean doesn’t care about oversharing hunting stories, but he doesn’t like for people to know personal ones.  Also, Jody mentions her son and her husband.  Her family and her romantic partner.  

Dean wasn’t just reunited with Mary this season. He was also reunited with Cas, after saying goodbye to him at the end of Season 11 when he headed to what he thought was going to be his death as the Amara-bomb.

So, this conversation isn't just about Mary (the “anything”).  It’s also about Cas (the”...absolutely anything”).

Mary chats with Mama Fox and more Points Are Made about hunters not getting to have a “normal life” or family:

MARY

I saved his life. 

LORRAINE

[scoffing] What am I supposed to say to that? After you, Asa got so… Hunting was his whole life. He never married. Never had a family, kids. And now… enjoy the wake. 

***sending Mary on a guilt spiral about Asa (mirroring her other guilt spiral about hunting as a life for her own sons)

Speaking of mirrors:

BUCKY

And Asa loved that Jeep. Fuses were shorted, fuel line was busted. Ah, he didn’t care. He’d just roll up his sleeves, he’d get right to work. 

Time to learn about today’s Big Bad.

BUCKY

Jael. He’s a crossroads demon. And he hangs people. It’s his thing. Snaps their neck, slits their throat. He’s a real piece of work. 

***Wait a second.  Jael is a demon?  Don’t...angel’s names usually end in “el” in SPNverse?

Samandriel.

Uriel.

Gabriel.

Raphael.

Gadreel.

Castiel.

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.

Anyways the demon [questionable] killed Asa and now everyone  is trapped and also In Grave Danger.  

BUCKY

Exactly. Right, so five years later, Jael– he came back, and he came for Asa. 

JODY

How so? 

BUCKY

Asa was seeing this woman, right? She had a kid. 

LORRAINE

Marlene. 

BUCKY

Yeah, Marlene. Jael got into her. It didn’t matter that he was killing people, he wanted Asa to know it was personal. He gets off on it. 

***that’s so weird, didn’t someone else in the show start seeing a woman with a kid - 

what a sexy little coincidence.

oh and didnt  a supernatural being come back right around that time too - 

HMMMMMMMM.  No killing though.  That’s the difference between angels and demons, I guess.

(meanwhile Dean has been drinking alone outside - as he does, and is realizing he can’t get back in)

HI QUEEN

Also, this immediately took me to 

this show isn’t fair.

****sob break****

Jael Posession 1:

So curious how there are two siblings and then one gets possessed by something Satanic and the other one is good at seducing men.

SO FUCKING CURIOUS.

Jael Possession 2:

Elvis. Random.  Though he was the guy who brought up the Stories Sam Was Surprised Were Circulating -

He was also oddly interested in it.  Methinks Elvis thoroughly enjoyed the Jael possession.

Bilie gets Dean back in the house.  The words “one-time deal” are said a lot of times.

BONUS: Jensen why are you so pretty:

The hunters get to work, and I live for Max Bane’s pentagram aesthetic.

MAX

I like a Fifth Pentacle of Mars. It’s got more character. 

***TBH, same.

Jael possession 3:

****Kim Rhodes is even better when she is playing evil.

JODY/JAEL:

I had so hoped you’d kill your mom. Wouldn’t that be a riot? 

[Mary draws the angel blade and charges at Jody. She cuts Jody’s arm before Sam wrestles her away.] 

SAM

No! Mom!

MARY

What are you doing?! She’s a demon. We kill demons. 

******WOOF MARY - I REPEAT TO YOU THAT THE JOHN TRASH WINCHESTER BRAIN ROT RUNS DEEP.

Also did you immediately flash back to this with me?

Gets me thinking that Dean’s feelings for Cas are made twice as complicated by the fact that he is also a supernatural creature.  Another Reason Why John Winchester Would Disapprove.

****Just as he would Disapprove of Sam Being Possessed By the Devil and all that (never forget he told Dean to kill him because of the whole made unclean by demon blood thing). 

Right on cue:

JODY/JAEL

Oh, I have heard so many stories about you Winchesters. And I desperately want the Lucifer thing to be true.  

***Stories again. Jael proceeds to go into Stories That Are Dark Personal Shameful Secrets:

JAEL

As for the rest of you, I have been inside your heads. I know all about you. For example, the twins. Too frightened to tell anyone that they actually came to say goodbye to their daddy. Or the grieving mother who hated the fact that her son was a hunter so much she’d hide his gear, she’d sabotage his Jeep, anything to keep him from hunting. Not that it worked. Could’ve tried harder, huh? 

[She gestures at her own face] And this meatsuit you all seem to care so much about. She actually fantasized about a life with Asa. Can you believe that? Like that worthless man– 

***HMMMMMMMMM

[Bucky gets off the floor and sneaks up behind Jody/Jael] 

BUCKY 

Shut your filthy mouth. 

[Jody/Jael grabs Bucky by the neck and forces him to his knees] 

JODY/JAEL

And you. Bucky. Brave, brave Bucky. I was there that night. Tell these nice, stupid people what you did. Tell them what you took from me. Asa was mine. 

***Excuse me? THIS IS GETTING VERY...subtextual.  A dark timeline supernatural being/hunter relationship [ending badly because demons only know how to take, consume and possess]? ...Asael?  CURIOUS. 

They chant the exorcism, a different hunter doing each iteration (beautifully done) 

and send Jael back to hell, but not before Bucky shares his Shameful Story - he’s the one who killed Asa.

Elaboration:

BUCKY

Asa, he was just all– he was just always so stubborn. Look, we were in the woods. [We see the scene play out as Bucky describes it] Jael, he… he was taunting him. Asa wanted to chase him, but he didn’t have the angel blade. I said, “Let’s go back.” He called me a coward, and he shoved me, so I shoved him back, and he fell. He hit his head. Asa? I didn’t mean to do it. But it was a mistake. Asa. Asa? An accident. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to do. Asa hated that damn demon so much that I just…

DEAN

Oh, you thought people would buy that Jael killed him? So you hung your best friend to cover your own ass. 

BUCKY

What are you gonna do to me? 

ALICIA:

Tell everyone, every hunter we meet. They’re gonna know your name, Bucky. Know what you did. 

MAX

You like stories. This is the story everyone’s gonna tell about you. Forever. 

***Shameful Stories that Define You, what a theme.  Also, definitely a supernatural being potentially having some subtextual feelings for Canadian!Dean.  Hmmm.

***Funeral pyre and side discussion about how Asa did have a family, and children, and a potential supernatural sidepiece.

In conclusion, Supernatural is a love story.  Thank you for watching this dark timeline/Canadian dub.  You’re dismissed for the day.  Go eat bacon.

#destiel #spn #spn meta #spn analysis #spn fandom #spn family #hellers #hellerism #supernatural season 12 #spn 12x06 #celebrating the life of asa fox

[hoeassproductions]

Break A Leg: Chapter 11

Masterlist

***Author’s Note: Hey everyone, I am so sorry that you’ve waiting this long for this story to finish out. I happened to come on here after I haven’t been on Tumblr for almost two years. I honestly thought I had posted the last chapter but realized it’s been sitting in my drafts this whole time! How freaking lame!! Anyways, this got an updated edit and without further ado, the last chapter to Break A Leg! I hope you like it!***

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. I do not own, possess, or have any links to Chris Evans, nor do I profit off of this work. Any claims otherwise are grossly misleading. This work is not to be posted anywhere else without my explicit permission.

If you would like to be added to any future tag list, reply here or send me an ask. I’d be happy to add you! Happy reading!

Word Count: ~2,500

The Beginning

“Sooooo. . .you've been talking to your mom about me?”

Chris begins to turn crimson as he tries to explain away anything Lisa may have overshared.

“Oh god, what did she say? I only told her the good stuff, I promise. I will talk to her about being nosy. She’s a sweet woman. I love her to death and tell her everything.” he says with a shrug of his shoulder.

“I could tell that, yeah.” I say, not being able to hide the smile that beams from my face in listening to him talk about his mom.

“You have no idea.” He chuckles, and I can visibly see the tension leave his body as he realizes I'm not mad.

"Don't worry Evans, I think it's sweet and I don't mind. Just a little taken aback I guess. I don't know, she seemed really excited to meet me. I want to meet her too, don't get me wrong! It's just…" I take a small breathe as I meet Chris eyes as he waits for me to find the words. "… Is she that excited to meet all of your friends?"

"Well, I mean. C'mon Y/N, you're not just anybody! You're…you're you."

Before I can push him further on what he means, he presses on.

"Y/N, about in the hallway before Sandra came out…"

"Yeah… I think that maybe we should talk…" Now its my turn to be nervous as it's not clear where he's taking this.

In the middle of Chris beginning to speak, my phone goes off. We both laugh uncomfortably, the nerves of the new subject getting more frazzled at the second interruption since being alone. Saved by the bell again!

I pull my phone out of my back pocket and I see that it's ringing for a reminder with my date with Jessie. My face drops. How could I forget about… Shit!

When Chris sees the change in expression, he can tell there's a problem. "What's wrong?"

"It's um…it's a reminder. I have to go, I'm sorry." I get up and walk away back to my cabin with conviction in my step. To my surprise, Chris doesn't follow me, but the separation is good. I need time to think.

How the hell did I not remember I told Jessie we could go on a date tonight? It completely slipped my mind. If I never set my alarm, I would not have even batted an eye staying at the dock longer with Chris. Confusion continues running through my mind as I check the clock on my phone again as I reach my porch. Had it already gotten that late? We couldn't have been out there that long already could we? And I rush back here to go on a date?!

I can only think of one thing do at a time like this. With a little under an hour before Jessie shows, I dial Hannah's number. On the second ring, She picks up.

"Hey love, love!"

"Oh Hannah, thank god. I need to talk to you, and I don’t have too much time." I explain to her everything that's happened since I got here and the current predicament. She's listens patiently, and understands my dilemma.

"Hannah, what do I do? With Jessie, and all the old feelings… It's just so easy to fall back into it but Chris…he's something else entirely. I can't get him out of my head or heart. I see small glimmers here and there that maybe he fees the same but I don't know what he wants. It's a risk to lay it all out there not knowing. What do I do? Jessie will be here any minute and I'm so confused."    

Hannah is quiet while she thinks everything over for a few moments.

"Y/N, your heart knows what you want. I know it's scary, but that's why you should go for it. Lean into the fear and trust that it would work out. Given everything you've told me, I would be hard pressed to think Chris doesn't have feelings for you. You know what you need to do. I know you gotta get ready or whatever, but I love you. Call me later if you need to talk, okay?"

"Ugh, okay. I hate it when you're right sometimes. I love you, too. We'll talk soon."

Thinking to myself as I get ready with 8pm quickly approaching, I'm finding butterflies beginning in my stomach. The nervousness of what's ahead sinking in more. Before long, I hear a knock on my door, and open it to see Jessie standing there with a bouquet of wildflowers. I welcome him in while I place them in a vase with some water.

"You look great Y/N! I have some fun stuff planned for tonight…" he trails off as he realizes something is off as I don't make eye contact with him or say anything. "Y/N, is everything ok?"

I take a deep breathe as I sit him down next to me.

'Jessie, look. Given our history, I think that it's very important that I be as open and honest with you as I can right now. All day, I've been completely distracted… and you weren't on my mind even once. I forgot about our date until my alarm went off to remind me to get ready. And then, once that happened I began to get butterflies and so nervous, but - " Before I could finish, Jessie speaks up.

“Listen, I know we've never gotten the timing right with this, but I can’t help but feel like fate has brought us together this time. Like….things have finally matched up and we can, I don’t know, give us a try? Before you say anything, can we agree to take some time this week to feel each other out. No expectations, just getting to know each other better again. It’s been awhile, and I know some things must have changed….I know they have for me.”

Giving thought to his words, my mind can’t help but wander to Chris.

Chris said it himself. TWICE. You guys are just friends. What if I go for it and he still feels that way? But Hannah was right, there is something there…something that feels beyond what I can even put into words. The almost kiss, the comfortability on the dock, him being so trusting and open with me? Why not lean in to it? And this, with Jessie? This is just…..safe. Hannah said I need to lean into the fear if that's what my heart wants…

Gathering my resolve, I think to myself for a moment, trying to figure out what the hell to say. Looking at Jessie, I can feel the right choice planting itself even further in my heart as my nerves continue to grow until the words reach my lips.

“You know what? Under normal circumstances, I would probably say yes to that but…I don't feel like I can right now. I did get butterflies before you came because I know what my heart wants. Falling back into this would be easy and low-maintenance…safe. But I don't want that, I want fireworks and passion. I want to feel electricity from a knowing stare across the room or my heart pounding from an almost kiss. I-I just…we don't have that chemistry anymore, Jessie. I have it with someone else, and I don't know what's going to happen but I know I have to at least try, or I'd never forgive myself. I'm sorry. You're a great guy and you deserve to find someone who feels this way about you, but that's not me anymore. It just wouldn't be fair to you if my heart isn't in it. I hope you understand.”

After some time of silence, the tension releases from my shoulders, and I can see him process my words.

"I guess that settles it then, Y/N. I appreciate your honesty, and to be honest, I could see the chemistry between you and Chris as soon as you guys arrived. I always told myself that if I ever saw you again, that I would try again but I understand now that I just got wrapped up in the past and I'm sorry for that."

At the mention of Chris, my eyes shoot up to meet Jessie's. "But I didn't say who it was..."

"You didn't have to. It's obvious and there's been a lot of talk since you guys got here. I shouldn't have even tried to get you back, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity for us to actually have a shot at what we kept failing at for years. Listen, he's a great guy, and if he's the one for you, I'm happy for you. Truly. You could do worse than him. Just be careful. His lifestyle and career… it's no joke."

We both fall silent for a moment at him verbalizing something I hadn't even considered yet, the fame that Chris has to bear. Where would that leave me if this goes any further?

Seeing the gears turning in my head, Jessie interrupts my thoughts thrown into overdrive. "Have you talked to him about your feelings yet?"

"No, I've been trying to deny them for many reasons…I don't know what he wants. He says we're friends, but I feel like there's more there. I know I want more, but it's scary to approach it without knowing."

"Only one way to find out kid. Follow your heart, and your gut. He'd be crazy not to go for it with you. You're a catch, Y/N."

I walk him to the door, and give him a hug on the porch.

"Thanks Jessie, and thank you for being so understanding"

Pulling away, I see that Chris has walked back, and is just getting to his porch. He waits until Jessie leaves to say anything.

"That's what all the rush was about? Him?" I can hear slight frustration in his voice as he says this to me while crossing the distance to his door. Is Chris…jealous?

"I-I, Yes it was, but I made it very clear to him that it wasn't going to work. My heart isn't in it…it's with someone else."

At hearing this, Chris comes to a halt, key at the ready.

"I had to be honest with him. I Couldn't…not when…" my words trail off as Chris' eyes meet mine and I can feel all of the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

"Not when what, Y/N?" he says, walking towards me on his porch, and I can see uncertainty dance in his expression.

I feel my anxiety and fear build up inside of me. Tears begin to well in my eyes and I know what I need to say but getting the words to come out is proving difficult.

I take in a shaky breath to gather myself. Y/N, you can do this. Tell him you're worth it. That you both deserve to give this a real shot.

My pulse quickens as my breathing begins to saw in and out of me, but I hold my ground "Not when...my heart is with you. I want you."

I look at Chris and in a matter of seconds, I see confusion and frustration fade from his face to be replaced by the biggest smile I have seen of his to date.

In seeing the change in his demeanor at my admission, the tears begin to spill over, clouding my eyes to point of blurring my vision so when I begin to feel steps on my porch, I was a little startled.

I wipe my eyes and see Chris standing before me. He reaches for me and pulls me into his arms with no words, knowing that I need a minute to compose myself.

I take in a deep breath, his scent settling around me, and I feel myself starting to relax.

"Chris, I'm.....let me explain....I-"

"No Y/N, it's okay. I'm just happy you're less of a chicken shit than I am."

I feel his laughter vibrate our bodies as he lifts his head, and pulls back to see my confused expression.

"Wait-"

"I feel the same way, and clearly you're scared but Y/N, you're one of the most kind and caring people I have ever met. I would be crazy to NOT to be interested in you! Ever since I dumped my coffee all over you and you threw your panties at me, I knew I had to keep you around by any means necessary." I slap his chest as we recall the haphazard way we met a couple months ago.

"Hey, HEY…" he says, as he shields himself from any more of my attack and we continue to chuckle. "What I'm trying to say is that you're amazing and I have feelings for you too. I don't know when it happened but you burrowed your way into my heart and I…I love having you there "

Listening to this, I am overjoyed. I grab Chris and I pull him in close, resting our foreheads together.

"Oh Chris, that makes me so happy to hear. I was so scared that I would ruin this if I said something and you didn't feel the same way but I couldn't ignore it anymore. You're in my heart too, and there's so much we need to talk about and discuss… a lot to figure out but I want to face all of that with you."

"I know Y/N. I know being with me has it's own challenges that a normal relationship doesn’t have to endure but I will do everything in my power to protect you while giving you the world because you deserve it…WE deserve it. You feel that too, right?"

"Yes, I do. I really do. There's a lot a stake when you lead with your heart."

"There always is but you're worth it, what we will build together will be worth it." He holds me to his chest again as I begin to full out cry, the emotions of it all overtaking me. After a few moments, I can feel his tears beginning to mingle with mine, and the realization hits me that this is real. This is my life and he's not going anywhere.

After we both compose ourselves and have calmed down, I embolden myself and look up into his eyes. "I guess there's only one thing to worry about right now then…to finish this."

The question forming behind his eyes before it reaches his lips, "Finish what?"

"The beginning of us."

Recognition falls over Chris face as I pull him in so our lips to finally meet for the first time, and I can feel in my soul; this is the moment I realize he's the only one that could capture my heart.

As we share our first kiss, I feel the world settle around me. This feels right, here in each other's arms without a care in sight. There's no place I'd rather be and to think it all started with a chance encounter.

                                                     ~The End~

Previous 

A/N: Again, so sorry I’m an ass and have kept this ending in my drafts. If you see this and have followed this story this entire time, thank you sooo much! Appreciate all of your likes, reblogs, and words of encouragement to make my first full fic a great experience! Writing is hard and scary, but I really enjoy it and am excited to get back to it! I have some fresh ideas that may just make it on here, so stay tuned!

Tags: @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan  @avenger-nerd-mom @mycapt-ohcapt-writes @mad-for-marvel @vanillabeanlattes @captain-ariel-barnes @emilyevanston @thewife101cevans @loricameback  @plussizeappreciationfics @a-tale-of-two-comics  @melodramaticfanatic @writingcreatingstorytelling  @mywritingsblog @disney-fire-fox @harrinoodles  @lookwhatyoumademequeue @janeyboo @aglarelen @purelyfictionallife  @cevansgirl @mrs-captain-evans @randomcevans  @nomadicpixel @elivanah-writes @katiew1973 @tchitchou26@mackevanstanfan80 @unicornpurplelife

#chris evans #chris evans fic #chris evans rpf #chris evans fanfic #break a leg #Break A Leg Fanfic #Chapter 11 #my writing

[laurawritesandgames]

Title: The Children We Never Had

Fandom: Beetlejuice (Musical)

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: Beetlejuice/Barbara/Adam

Prompt: Hurt/Comfort

Content Warning: References to miscarriages and abortion

Summary: As Delia and Charles prepare to start their family together, Barbara reflects on her chance to have her own children. What once seemed so simple can become much more complicated when you’re a ghost....

Delia and Charles had just completed the first round of IVF treatments. Delia was fanatic about getting all toxins out of the house, so one Saturday the Maitlands, Beetlejuice and Lydia were helping Delia get rid of any plastic containers in the kitchen, to be replaced with glass containers.

“Why is there so much Tupperware?” Delia exclaimed.

“One of Mom’s friends sold Tupperware, and we had a few parties,” Lydia said. “Mom was sick for years. If she’d been able to keep up with the science, I doubt she would’ve kept them. She was nuts about the environment.” Lydia frowned thoughtfully. “Say, Delia, what exactly are your thoughts on vaccines?”

Barbara and Adam shared a look. They knew from the Maitland-Deetz’s biweekly parenting meetings that Delia had anti-vaxxer tendencies. She was, at least, open to a respectful discussion about vaccines. Give Charles a few conversations and she’d probably give in to science and reason—the newlyweds were crazy for each other.

Not that Lydia had any of that context.

“I’m just not convinced vaccines are necessary. I have some very interesting websites I can show you later, Lydia. There’s a lot of doubt about the so-called ‘science’ that Big Pharma doesn’t want you to see.”

Lydia’s lip curled in the disgust.

“Are you an idiot?!” Beetlejuice said. “I lived in a world without vaccines. It was shit!”

“I just don’t know if I’m willing to take that risk,” Delia said, with her polite, argument-deflecting smile. Adam’s parents had been masters at avoiding conflict, so Barbara knew what would happen next. She’d say something light or silly and try to get everyone focused on the kitchen again.  

“I should draw a door and bring you to the Netherworld, Delia. Give you a tour of Diaper Town so you can see all the dead babies that’re there from before childhood vaccines were a thing.”

“Diaper Town?” Lydia asked.

“Eh, that’s not the real name—just what we called it. Where the dead babies go. Ugh! I had a shift in Diaper Town for a few decades. It was the worst.”

“I imagine they look like they did when they died,” Lydia said, thoughtfully.

“And they never age! That’s the only reason people hang around babies—because they eventually become not-babies.”

“What about miscarriages? Mom had a few before me. Is there going to be a clump of Deetz cells in the Netherworld?”

Barbara reached out for Adam’s hand and found it within seconds. (He’d been across the room a second ago. He must have teleported.) She clenched it. Hard. 

Beetlejuice didn’t notice.

As a ghost, you were always cold. Barbara couldn’t get colder. She also couldn’t swallow to try to wet a dry mouth. Her hands wouldn’t grow cold and prickly with shock. Her emotions were completely disconnected from bodily sensations. She could feel Adam behind her and leaned back into him slightly. Not that he made her feel warmer. Nothing ever would.

If she’d been alive, she might’ve looked like Delia: her face pale as she forced a too-wide smile onto her face. “Let’s all talk about something else, shall we? I don’t want any bad vibes.” Her hand rested on her stomach. During one of their parenting meetings, she’d mentioned she only had a few eggs left. “Not—not right now.”

Lydia glared at her. “Seriously? Hearing about a dead woman’s fertility issues isn’t going to hurt your fetus.”

“The Deetus,” Beetlejuice added. “Deetz fetus. Get it?”

Lydia ignored him. “Bad vibes aren’t a thing!”

“We’ll agree to disagree on that one.” Delia hurried out of the kitchen. “Would anyone mind a smudging ceremony? Just to clear the air and usher in tranquility?”

Lydia followed with a shriek of rage. “’Smudging ceremony’? Are you from an Indigenous tribe, Delia? Because if you’re not, that’s major cultural appropriation!”

“Ooo, cultural appropriation! I know that one!” Beetlejuice said, delighted. When he’d first come back from the Netherworld, the Maitlands had held a few sensitivity seminars for him so he could stop getting into arguments with Lydia. Beetlejuice’s views were a weird mix of surprisingly progressive and incredibly archaic. “It’s a culture, not a costume!” He floated over to Barbara and Adam. “Did I do that right? Do I get a kiss?”

It took a lot of effort to focus on Beetlejuice right now. “Sorry,” Barbara said. “We’re not going to reward you for being a decent person. But thank you for trying.”

Beetlejuice huffed in disappointment.

Adam cleared his throat. Barbara glanced at him. Adam tilted his head slightly at Beetlejuice, raising his eyebrows questioningly. He was asking her for permission to tell Beetlejuice. After a moment’s thought, Barbara nodded. Beetlejuice liked to keep things light, but he was their boyfriend, after all. He should learn a bit more about Barbara and Adam.

“What happens to children who died before they were born?” Adam asked quietly.

Beetlejuice shrugged. “I dunno. I was born dead in one of the original versions of the musical, but it ain’t canon. There aren’t any fetuses floating around the Netherworld. Maybe they go someplace else?” He shrugged, spreading his hands. “I got nothing.” 

Out of habit (not because she actually needed to breathe), Barbara sighed in relief. Thank God, was her first thought, despite having a pretty good idea that God didn’t exist. She let of of Adam’s hand, giving him a small smile.

“Why do you wanna know?” Beetlejuice asked.

Barbara shared another look with Adam before saying, “When I was 22, I got pregnant.” She cleared her throat. She hadn’t talked about this in years.

Beetlejuice didn’t like silences. Immediately, he said, “Quit pulling my leg. If you were pregnant, then where’s your—”

It took a few moments, but his eyes finally widened and his jaw dropped. “Oh. Ohhhh. I didn’t think…” His hands began flapping, then running up and down his sleeves and fiddling with his cuffs. “So we’re bringing in some of the movie backstory. Okay. Okay. Sure.”

“The what?” Adam asked.

“Nevermind. So you guys had a miscarriage.”

“An abortion, actually,” Barbara said.

Beetlejuice stopped bobbing faintly, freezing in mid-air. His voice rose in pitch as he said, “I saw the tags on this fic and I assumed you’d be hurt/comforting me! I’m the one with all the issues! Who the hell told you that you guys could have issues?!” 

“What now?” Barbara said, forcing her tone to stay even. 

“And also, our lives weren’t perfect,” Adam said. “I just want to remind you that both of my parents are dead. So…yeah. When we were alive, we had struggles and challenges like everybody else.”

Beetlejuice began coughing. He stuck his fingers in his mouth, eventually pulling out a foot and tossing it on the ground. (Barbara had learned not to ask whose foot.) “Um. Can I try again?”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Feel free.”

Beetlejuice opened and closed his mouth a few times, but didn’t say anything.

Adam said, “Just so you know, Bug, this isn’t something to share.” Beetlejuice was a compulsive oversharer; they’d learned to explicitly tell him what was appropriate and what wasn’t.

“It’s not because we’re ashamed,” Barbara said quickly. “It’s just our story to tell, that’s all.”

“Right! I can do that.” He focused on something in the middle distance. “Although maybe some people could really examine their need to inject complicated real-world issues into a stupid five-page fic for Beetlelands Week. Not every fandom and every fic can bear that weight! And some characters definitely aren’t designed to deal with shit like this! They’re awesome Deadpool-style badasses and not…not…whatever this needs!”

Barbara loved Beetlejuce, but he was getting on her last nerve. I didn’t think he’d completely disassociate like this. It’s only a goddamn abortion. He didn’t even have to deal with anything! “Well, I’m sorry my and Adam’s history is such an inconvenience for you. I’m going to go find something to do. If you want to talk when you’re not spiraling and doing whatever this is, come find me.”

Barbara teleported to their bedroom, the Deetzes’ former guest room, upstairs, and Adam teleported with her.

Tears wavered in his eyes. Startled, she held him, stroking his back.

“Sorry,” he murmured.

“No, don’t be.”

He sniffled a few times, wiping his tears away. Their ghostly bodies still remembered how to produce tears, and if Beetlejuice was any indication, that memory would stick with them for centuries. He whispered, “We would’ve had a child. If it weren’t for me—”

Adam had always felt needless guilt about mentioning the abortion first. She’d thought he’d gotten over it. “You didn’t force me. We had student loans, the recession had just hit the year before, we couldn’t find work, and most importantly? We weren’t ready. We were barely ready 10 years later, when we had a house and good jobs.”

He smiled sadly, wiping the tears from his eyes. “Sorry. I don’t know where this is coming from.” He stroked her cheek. “I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”

She blinked. “I’m…fine? I’ve been fine for 10 years.” She hadn’t been fine immediately before and after the abortion. There’d been lots of crying, praying, and long conversations, but that had been a long time ago. Gently, she asked, “I thought you were, too. Was I wrong?”

When did we really talk about it except immediately after? Barbara couldn’t recall.

Adam gave her that same distracted smile he used to give her after his parents’ funeral. He was a brave little soldier, marching forward. “You weren’t wrong. I’m fine.”

You didn’t push when you saw that smile. “I think I’m going to read something. Want to join me?”

“I wouldn’t mind working on the model a bit more. Call me if you need anything.”

“I will.” She kissed his cheek, and he went up to the attic to work on his model of Winter River.

She was choosing between Michelle Obama’s biography a polyamory how-to guide when a spider skittered underneath the door. The spider climbed up the wall then began spinning a web in the corner of the room at unnatural speed. Letters appeared in the web.

SORRY

I WAS A BAD BOYFRIEND

It’s a Charlotte’s Web homage, Barbara realized. She’d loved that book as a child. He remembered. “Apology accepted, Beetlejuice.”

He knocked on the door. Opening it revealed him reading from index cards. Delia, who was using her life coach skills to help Beetlejuice adjust to being part of the family, had encouraged him to write down important things.

“I should have reacted a lot better than I did,” Beetlejuice read. “You and Adam trusted me with with a part of your lives, and I should have liz—lizden? Shit, I’m bad at spelling.” He looked up from the cards, rocking back and forth on his feet. “Anyway, thanks for trusting me, baby. Sorry I was being a dick about it. You and Adam having an—an abortion had nothing to do with me or my feelings.”

Beetlejuice could talk about the filthiest sex acts and talk about rotting corpses without flinching, but now he was stumbling. Interesting. “Well, ‘we had an abortion’ might’ve been a lot to throw at you. We could’ve prepared you better.” She nodded him inside, and he floated in. She closed the door behind her. “I imagine abortions weren’t really talked about in your day.”

“Well, we thought ladies’ wombs wandered around their bodies, so…no.”

“Do you have any questions?”

“Um…are you okay?” He fidgeted. “You’re all…y’know, motherly and shit. Are you sad about having an abortion?”

“No. I mean, I don’t love that I needed it. Adam and I were a lot more careful making love after that, believe me. But Adam and my family had my back, and luckily I live in a state where I can access an abortion easily. I also found some forums, and chatting with people who’d also had abortions helped me feel less alone. Honestly, until Lydia brought up miscarriages today, I hadn’t thought about my abortion in years.” Feeling awkward, she chuckled. “Um, really glad I won’t have to deal with a clump of cells following me around in the Netherworld, though.”

She felt a twinge of guilt for not feeling guiltier. Her Good Christian Girl upbringing still reared its head now and then. But I did what was best for my family at the time. That’s all anyone can do. If I’d known Adam and I were going to die 10 years later, we might’ve done things differently, but how could we have known that?

“So, that’s my story. I was supported and very lucky. I’m not sad or guilty or anything.” She frowned. “Adam might be, though. He was strangely upset.” Did I do something wrong? Has he been suffering for years without me noticing? “He’s upstairs working on the model again.”

“I’ll cheer him up!” Beetlejuice said. He clapped his hands together. “It’s hurt/comfort. Time to be goddamn comforted, Adam.”

“I’d give him a few hours.” Adam was a brooder. There was a certain point where he just wouldn’t engage.

Beetlejuice chuckled, patting her smarmily on the head. “Your boring, married-couple rules don’t apply to me, Babs. I’mma shake things up and heal his wounded heart. You can come up and watch, if you want. Watch me win.”

Barbara made herself laugh as she tried to ignore her jealousy. Beetlejuice was just being his usual low-grade dickish self, but what if he was right? Maybe Adam will respond better to Beetlejuice than to me. I didn’t expect Adam to be this sad, after all. What else have I missed? “If you succeed, feel free to come back and give me a play-by-play of your victory.”

Beetlejuice poofed away, and Barbara picked up the how-to guide to polyamory. It couldn’t help to get a refresher.

If Beetlejuice made Adam feel better, then that was a win for everyone. She could ask him how he’d done it and learn from him. The entire point of dating Beetlejuice was to break out of their old patterns and add a little excitement to their afterlives.  

Barbara was lying down on their bed, reading the first chapter when Beetlejuice teleported back in.

“You mighta been right,” he grumbled.

“It’s almost like I’ve been dating him since I was 16.”

“Of course you were high school sweethearts. You two are so cliché, I blocked that out.” Beetlejuice floated closer, whining, “Sexy raised his voice to me, Barbara!”

Barbara set the book down. “Oh, I’m sorry, Bug.” That was the Adam equivalent of full-blown shouting. (Adam had shouted at Beetlejuice before, of course, but that was when Beetlejuice had been a villain.)

“Me! The favourite!”

Barbara raised her eyebrows. “Maybe you should read this chapter with me about egalitarian polyamorous relationships—and how terms like ‘favourite’ are toxic.”

Beetlejuice floated away from her. “Mmm, nope, too many things to do.”

She’d expected that. It wasn’t clear when Beetlejuice had died, but it was definitely before therapy and couple’s counselling had become more mainstream. He didn’t have the same ability to talk about and reflect on his and other’s feelings that Barbara and Adam had. Usually, he just reacted to his own. Barbara wouldn’t have gotten into a relationship with Beetlejuice if she’d been unwilling to teach him.

“Lemme know when he’s ready to talk, okay?” the demon continued.

“Well, I don’t have a psychic link to him, but I’ll try…if you read this chapter with me.”

Beetlejuice crossed his arms over his chest, harrumphing. After a few moments, he shrugged, floated over to the bed, and curled up beside her.

If her eyes could water, they might have at the smell of rotting flesh. But Barbara quickly got used to the smell. “Let me guess—your clones poked around and didn’t find anything else interesting happening right now?”

“Ha! Busted! Delia, Lydia and Charles are still arguing about vaccines. Yap, yap, yap, yap, yap. Making out with you is way more fun.”

“We’re learning how to have a more equitable, communicative relationship. Not making out.”

“We’ll see, baby.”

*

They approached Adam later that afternoon.              

He looked up from a figurine he was painting, expression guilty. “I’ll come down when it’s time for dinner, okay?” he said quietly. “Don’t worry about me.”

“Is there anything we can do for you now?” Barbara asked.

He looked between Barbara and Beetlejuice. His eyes were so haunted…. Barbara took a few steps forward.

“Adam?” she said softly.

“You said we weren’t ready,” he murmured roughly. “What if we would’ve been? We never even gave ourselves the chance….”

He showed her what he’d been working on: a little child figurine with her blonde hair. “There would’ve been part of you and me living now. Someone with your hair and my eyes, or your smile….”

Okay. We haven’t talked about the abortion in years, and now he’s making a model of what would have become our child. So, this is new. But I can handle this. I know him. I’ve got this.

Nevertheless, a tiny part of her really wanted to tag out and let Beetlejuice handle this one. Not that he would’ve done well—he was frozen except for his eyes, frantically flicking between her and Adam.

While Barbara thought of the most empathetic, respectful way to respond, Beetlejuice blurted out, “Someone’s got a case of the Shouldas.”

“Hmm?” Adam grunted, looking uninterested.

“You know, shoulda done this when I was alive. Shoulda done that. Every newlydead goes through it. Of course, usually they’re stuck in an endless void and not chilling in the living world with their sexy boyfriend.” Beetlejuice nodded to Barbara. “And your sexy wife.”

So he had learned something from that chapter they’d read together. Barbara gave him a small smile. “How do newlydeads usually get through it?” she asked.

“‘Get through’ is real optimistic, Babs. They just get crushed by overwhelming despair and hopelessness. It’s the Netherworld. Everything sucks there.”

Adam grunted again.

Beetlejuice rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, I can’t really talk about ‘healing’ and shit….” He gestured frantically for Barbara to do something.

One thing about spending so much time with Beetlejuice was that you got used to out-of-the box thinking. It was time for a little experiment. Barbara didn’t give herself time to think, and dove right in.

“Congratulations, Maitlands.” She made air horn noises. The words ‘The Life We Never Had’ appeared in bright text above the model town. “Welcome to your life where you had your child!”

Adam and Beetlejuice both stared at her in stunned silence.

“This got so dark, so fast, but I kinda love it,” Beetlejuice commented.

“Well,” she said, “first of all, forget this house. We’d probably be living with your parents. They don’t even live in town.” She took a few moments to create a mental map, then gestured at the model. It grew larger, to the surrounding counties. Adam’s family farm was on the outskirts of this new map.

“And forget the CPA degree. No way we can afford that now. But your uncle Eddy has that plumbing business. He’d probably give you a job.” She manifested Eddy’s truck, making it drive through town. “I’d probably knit and sell things on Etsy…. Wait, it’s 2010. Does Etsy even exist?” Barbara couldn’t remember. “Or I’d sell them at the local farmer’s market. We probably still love our projects, even if we don’t have as much time for them now.”

Barbara could’ve gone darker. In this future, she would’ve been stuck in Adam’s parents’ home with no career prospects and a baby she wasn’t sure she wanted. If anything was a recipe for postpartum depression, that would’ve been. But she kept it light.

“Oh, jeez,” she realized, “I forgot all about names! What do you think of Aspen?” Barbara had always wanted a nature-themed name.

“It has the word ‘Ass’ in it,” Beetlejuice complained. “Do you want bullies to give your kid swirlies?”

“You’re not here, mister. You don’t get a say.”

“Hey, that’s right! We never meet if you don’t move into the house.” Beetlejuice frowned. “Truly, this is the darkest timeline.”

“What about River?” Adam said. “For our child.”

“River. That’s beautiful. Okay, so little River goes to school here.” She gestured to the school in town. “What do you think? Good grades?”

“Of course.”

“And then you guys commit crimes!” Beetlejuice interrupted.

Barbara raised her eyebrows.

“What? Boring people commit crimes all the time and become awesome. Weeds? Breaking Bad?”

“I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t.”

“Argh, fine, I was just getting bored of all this slice-of-life shit. Let’s spice things up!”

“Ooo, maybe we solve crimes? Like a cozy mystery set in rural Connecticut.”

“Committing them is way more fun, but I’ll take anything at this point. Your ideal lives are so boring! River’s gonna do meth just to feel alive!”

“They might fall in with a bad crowd in high school,” Barbara said.

“Thank you! A little conflict, please. It’s the essence of drama!”

“But we’d be there for them,” Adam said. “Hmm. Mom and Dad would still die, I suppose. I’d probably disappoint my Maitland ancestors and sell the farm.”

Barbara watched him intently. He wasn’t smiling, but he seemed a bit more engaged than he had been.

“We could move into one of the homes here,” she suggested, nodding to one of the small houses on the outside of town.

“That’s gonna really suck for you when the zombies attack,” Beetlejuice said.

Barbara kept making up their fake life, with Adam chiming in every now and then, both of them trying to ignore Beetlejuice’s input. They tried to give River a nice life, with a full-ride scholarship to NYU (which was, coincidentally, Lydia’s dream school), lots of friends, and a home that may not be full of money but was full of love.

Eventually, Adam smiled and shook his head. “Thanks for playing dolls with me, guys.”

Barbara hugged him from behind. “If you need time to mourn, take all the time you need. Beetlejuice and I are here for you.”

Adam wiped some tears from his eyes. “I think I do. Sorry, sweetie. Sometimes all the things we never got to do…they just hit me, hard. Even things I’d made peace with long ago. I spent so much of my life worrying….”

Barbara moved to stand beside him, kissing his cheek. If she could’ve made him feel warm, she would have.

Beetlejuice was spaced out, staring into the middle distance. Thinking of his own Shouldas, maybe? Nah. He never looks back unless he’s trapped in a traumatic memory about his mother. Probably wondering when we can make out again.

She nodded him over, and he blinked, coming back to the present. Hesitantly, he floated over and rested his chin on Adam’s head.

They were both still and silent, two things Beetlejuice hated, so it wasn’t surprising when a horde of centipedes skittered across the model, or a tiny King Kong grabbed a figurine and climbed up to the top of the town bell tower, roaring.

Lydia interrupted them when she she poked her head into the attic and told them dinner was ready. “And the leftovers will be stored in glass containers—if you leave us any leftovers, Beej. Delia cleared the cupboard of all plastics. Don’t worry about the baby, either. If Delia continues to believe tea tree oil can cure pneumonia or whatever, Dad and I will get the kid vaccinated when she’s not around.”

Barbara smiled at her chosen daughter. Beetlejuice was right; they weren’t stuck in the lonely void of the Netherworld. There was life and family just downstairs. “I’m glad. But I’m sure we’ll be able to convince her otherwise. We have nine months.”

“You’re more optimistic than I am, Barbara.”

Adam put the River figurine with the smattering of other children outside the grade school. “Let’s go,” he said quietly.

The three of them followed Lydia to the dinner table.

#beetlelandsweek2020 #beetlelands #goldenbeetle #beetlejuice the musical #beetlejuice #adam maitland #barbara maitland #beetlejuice x adam x barbara

[colbybrocksmolder]

Arizona – Colby Brock x Reader PART 2/3

PART 1

“I promise I’ll come up there soon.” You laughed, replying to Colby’s whiny plea for your company.

You could hear Sam yelling in the background for Colby to hurry up so they could film. It was Pizza Night and Sam was getting ready to film a group “touch my body” challenge. What Colby didn’t know was that you were already in LA.

You heard Colby sigh. “I have to go.”

“Don’t be sad, Kansas. I promise you’ll see me before you know it.” You replied.

“I better.” He teased. “Text me if you’re up late tonight and I’ll call you.”

“Will do.” You answered, hearing him hang up.

Colby hadn’t told anyone back in LA about you. You said you were going to visit soon, but he didn’t want to be mercilessly teased about it just in case you decided it wasn’t worth coming. He decided to just introduce you to people if you actually showed up. When you headed to La, you called Mike letting him know you wanted to surprise Colby. The two of you decided you’d just show up at Pizza night. When Sam was talking to Mike about the “touch my body” video before Pizza Night, he knew the perfect way to surprise Colby. He made sure you understood the game and what to do.

When Colby walked back into Sam’s living room, everyone was on the couch ready to film.

“Welcome back to my channel!” Sam excitedly said, explaining the video. Each person would be blindfolded in turn. They’d have to guess who and what they were touching. Each person had 4 different people/places.

“I think Colby should go first.” Mike kind of insisted, making it seem like he was just messing with Colby.

“Alright! Colby, blindfold yourself and make sure you can’t see anything.” He instructed, making stupid faces in front of him to make sure he couldn’t actually see anything. “Okay, now someone is going to have you touch some spot on their body. You have to guess who it is and what you’re touching.” Sam laughed at the scared look on Colby’s face.

“Oh, god. I don’t want to touch Jake’s balls again.” He laughed.

“Hey!” Jake laughed. “It would be an honor to touch these balls.”

“Oh, god. This is going to get demonetized so quickly.” Sam laughed, watching Tara pull Colby’s finger towards her ear.

“Oooo, whoever this is has cold, small hands.” Colby thought out-loud. “I’m going to guess Tara…and I’m pretty sure she just made me pick her nose.” He busted up laughing.

Everyone in the room started laughing. “Close.” Sam said. “One point. It was Tara, but it wasn’t her nose.”

Colby made a confused face before speaking. “Ooooh, your ear.” He nodded his head. “That makes me feel better.”

Mike had text you when to come to the apartment and you were waiting outside the door. Two more people went for Colby’s round. Mike made Colby touch his tongue and Kevin stuck Colby’s finger between his toes. When his final round came up, Mike stood up and shook his hands to get everyone’s attention silently. With one finger over his lips in a “hush” motion, he held up his index finger on his other hand to indicate he’d be right back. He walked to the door and quietly opened it, pulling you inside.

Sam had a confused look on his face, only knowing you were Mike’s sister from his Instagram stories. Kevin and Aryia’s faces lit up. “Okay, one last round.” Sam said, filling the pause Mike had caused.

“Oh, god. This one is going to be the worst one, I know it.” Colby said, sitting on his hands in protest.

“Don’t act like your hands aren’t all over us when the camera is off.” Mike laughed, moving you to stand in front of Colby.

“Come on, hands out.” Sam said.

Colby hesitantly put his hand out and you simply grabbed it with one of yours.

“This is a trick.” Colby laughed, taking your hand in both of his. “This is just someone’s hand.”

“You sure?” Aryia said, a childlike excitement obvious on his face.

Colby felt your fingers and your rings. “Yeah, this is a hand…” he stopped moving for a second, his blindfolded eyes lifting to where he thought the person would be standing, lips parted. He felt around one of the rings for another second before standing, feeling up your arm to find your face. He placed his hands on your cheeks and smashed his lips against yours, blindfold still on.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Jake laughed, Sam staring into the camera with a look of surprise on his face. Kat and Tara both laughed/squealed in shock.

The three boys that knew about the two of you were cheering. “Just a hand, huh?” Kevin teased him.

“Care to explain?” Kat looked at Mike.

“This, ladies and gentlemen, is my big sister.” Mike was relaxed back against the couch, smiling at the two of you.

“AKA, the reason Colby came back to LA with a little pep in his step.” Aryia laughed.

When you finally broke the kiss, you slid the blindfold off of Colby. “It’s good to see you.” You smiled up at him.

“You have no idea.” He said, pulling you back into a gentler kiss.

“How did you know it was her?” Tara asked.

Colby sat on the couch, pulling you down to sit next to him. “This.” He said, holding your hand out. “I watched her make this in Arizona.” He fiddled with the ring on your finger.

Everyone leaned in to see the ring. “Are you the one that made his necklace?” Sam asked, the whole thing clicking together a bit.

“I did.” You smiled.

“That thing is rad as hell.” Jake complimented you. Colby had been kind of weird about explaining it when he’d asked.

“Thanks.” You blushed. “If everyone gives Colby the colors they like, I’ll make sure to send him back with a bunch of stuff for you guys when he comes down in a few weeks.”

“Y/n, you don’t have to do that.” Colby said, a soft expression on his face.

“When are you going to learn, brother.” Mike chuckled. “She doesn’t do anything she doesn’t want to do.”

You shrugged your shoulders and nodded your head, agreeing with your brother. “I’d love to make some stuff for you guys.” You said, pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

“So YOU’RE the reason he won’t be in LA that week.” Sam gave Colby a look. “You could have told me, dude.”

Colby ducked his head and blushed. “I was kind of nervous she wasn’t going to want me to actually come.”

“Of course, I do.” You softly laughed, standing from the couch. “I’ll let you guys finish your video.”

“Why don’t you just join it?” Colby asked, looking to Sam for confirmation.

“I mean, I don’t know how much of what we just recorded you want going in the video.” Sam laughed.

“You’ve never filmed anything with someone you’re seeing.” You teased him, remembering one of the long talks you’d had on the boys’ trip.

Colby sat there chewing on his bottom lip for a second. “Stay.” He nodded.

“Colby, I’m not going to be upset that you don’t want us on camera together.” You said, making sure he wasn’t making this choice for you.

“No, really.” He said, reaching out for your hand so you’d come back and sit on the couch, tucking you into his side. “I’ll edit that part of Sam’s video. I’ll leave the kiss in and the explanation of who you are so that it makes sense for his video.” Colby looked to Sam and saw him nodding in agreement. “And we’ll record one for my channel before his video comes out.”

“Girlfriend Tag. NOT CLICKBAIT!” Jake teased.

“Sounds about right.” Colby laughed, kissing your forehead. “Okay, lets finish this video. I all of a sudden have a lot to do tonight.” He said to the room.

Everyone teased him, the room filling with “ooo”s and jokes.

When the video was finished, you’d moved to sit with Kat and Tara. You’d watched quite a few of the group’s videos after Colby and the boys left Arizona and it kind of felt like you already knew everyone.

Colby followed Sam into his filming room to talk about how to edit the whole surprise/kiss. “Are you sure you want me posting this?” Sam looked over at his best friend.

“Of course.” Colby answered.

“I can always wait.” Sam suggested. “I can film something else for this week and post this one later if you guys come out as a couple.”

“Sam.” Colby laughed, looking over at him. “I promise, I want you to post it.” He saw that Sam’s face was still hesitant. “I’m sorry, by the way.”

“What? Why?” Sam asked.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. Obviously, it only happened like two weeks ago, but still. You’re my best friend. I don’t hide anything from you. I just…I was terrified I had made it out to be something more in my head than it actually was.” Colby sighed.

“Hey.” Sam said, pulling Colby into a quick, but tight hug. “I get it. I haven’t seen you ACTUALLY caught up on anyone in like…God, it was in our first shitty apartment. I think that’s why I’m so shocked.” He laughed.

“That’s why its scary, brother.” Colby couldn’t stop the massive grin forming on his face. “She’s kind of amazing, you know?”

“I mean, she seems to fit in with our group faster than I’ve ever seen happen.” Sam smiled, hearing the group of girls laughing from the other room.

“She does that.” Colby nodded, remembering how you had handled the rude girl from the night he first kissed you.

“You’ve got it bad, brother.” Sam watched Colby’s blushy cheeks refuse to conform to anything but a huge smile.

“In the best way possible.” He agreed, grabbing the camera and moving to actually look at the footage they needed to talk about.

When the two of you headed to Colby’s apartment for the night, he closed the door and pulled you against him, tightly wrapping his arms around you. “I really was nervous you’d never make it up here.”

“Why?” You asked, slipping your arms around his waist. “I told you I’d come see you.”

“At the risk of ruining this by oversharing…I don’t think you fully get how head over heels I am about you.” Colby said, slightly swaying back and forth with you in his arms.

You couldn’t help but quietly laugh. “Colby.” You said, pressing a kiss to the skin of his neck. “I kind of figured that out when you kissed me on camera. In front of all of your friends. And then insisted Sam post it to the internet.”

“You make me do crazy things.” He said, pulling back enough to look down at you.

“Well you should know I’m in just as deep as you are.” You said, kissing him.

“Yeah?” Colby asked, smiling against your lips.

“Oh, definitely.” You assured him.

“Does that mean when people ask me why I’m going to Arizona, I can tell them I’m visiting my girlfriend?” He raised an eyebrow, trying to casually slide into that question.

“As long as I can turn the corner of one of your rooms into an art space so I can still work while I’m visiting my boyfriend.” You smirked up at him.

“You could turn the living room into your studio and I wouldn’t care.” He said, leaning back down to kiss you.

“I wouldn’t promise that, Kansas.” You laughed.  “Michaels Crafts is having a sale on their beads and if you’re not careful you won’t be able to see your living room floor.”

“I’ll drive you there, myself.” Colby laughed, hearing someone knock on the door.

“I’m coming in!” Mike yelled. “Don’t be naked!”

“Says the person who is always exactly two and a half margaritas from nudity, himself.” You teased your brother, laughing and grabbing your bag from him. Mike had taken your keys and brought your stuff upstairs for you. “Thank you.”

“Don’t tell Colby my clothing kryptonite.” Mike said in an exaggerated whisper. “Now he can get me naked whenever he wants.”

The three of you talked about plans for a few minutes before Mike said his goodbyes and headed back to the Slap House with Kevin and Aryia.

“I am literally dead on my feet. I’m so tired.” You yawned, carrying your bag towards where Colby said his room was.

“Let me grab that.” He said, pulling the strap off of your shoulder. “Shower or straight to bed?” Colby asked, knowing how icky a long ass trip could make you feel.

“Hmmm…shower. Definitely need a shower.” You laughed, following Colby into his room and grabbing your toiletries from your bag. “Care to join me?” you asked, grabbing clean clothes.

“I wouldn’t miss it.” He smirked, grabbing your cloths from your hands and tossing everything but your underwear back into your bag. “But you’re not wearing that to bed.”

“Hey! Don’t diss the jam jams.” You gave him a fake offended look.

“Your ‘jam jams’ are cute.” He used air quotes and laughed. “…but I’d much rather see you in this.” He reached into his closet and grabbed one of his t shirts.

“Ooo, I’m already getting girlfriend perks.” You gave him a tired smile, leaning up to kiss his cheek.

“Don’t act like you didn’t steal my hoodie and my shirt out of my bag before I left Arizona.” He laughed. “You’ve been getting girlfriend perks since our first kiss.”

You smiled, dragging him to the shower. The two of you quickly cleaned off, Colby running his fingers through your hair to help rinse out the conditioner. He stared down at you, your eyes closed and your face relaxed. He could hear little moans when he’d run his fingers through your hair, massaging your scalp. “Y/n?” he asked, his voice quiet.

You opened your eyes to see his crystal blue ones looking down at you. “Yes, Colby?” you smiled, just happy to be back in the same space as him.

“You’re okay with the YouTube stuff, right?” he asked, just a tiny bit of worry settling in on his features.

“What do you mean?” you asked, reaching up to smooth your fingers over his tensed brow.

“Like, I’m about to tell millions of people that you’re my girlfriend.” He said, his hands moving from your hair to your waist. “I’ve never done that before. And whenever people even THINK I’m dating someone or getting close to a girl, some of them freak out. They post hate comments and stalk them and…”

“Colby.” You interrupted his worries. “I know some people are going to freak out. That’s okay. I’m not easily offended and I kind of understand why they’re obsessed with you.” You smirked, sliding your hands to rest on either side of his neck. “I’m not worried, okay? I’m not going anywhere unless you tell me to.”

He leaned down to press a gentle kiss to your lips before pulling away with a smile. “Just…if you’re ever not okay with something, tell me. Okay? Whether it’s a video or a picture I want to post or anything. I don’t want you pretending everything is fine if you’re not.”

“One day you’ll realize that I mean what I say.” You laughed, turning the shower off. “I’m not worried. And I promise you’ll always get the most honest version of me.”

When you finally got dressed and Colby pulled you into his bed, it only took you a few minutes to fall asleep. “I’m not setting an alarm for tomorrow.” Colby said.

“Thank God.” You sighed against his chest, snuggling into his body.

Colby could already feel your breathing level out as you started falling asleep. “Sweet dreams, Y/n.” he said, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

“G’night, Kansas.” You mumbled, slipping into slumber.

Colby smiled as he stared up at his ceiling. His hand was idly playing with your hair. He reached over and grabbed his phone, making sure he didn’t already have any alarms set. When he closed the app he opened twitter. Since he was going to have you two record a ‘couple’ video the next day, he wasn’t really worried about there being rumors beforehand. He opened up a new tweet and typed out a simple, “She calls me Kansas”, before hitting send.

PART 3

#Colby Brock #Colby Brock Imagine #Colby Brock Oneshot #Colby Brock Fluff #Colby Brock fic

[divineluce]

Trying Not To Pillow Talk|| Nadia & Luce

Location: The Vural Residence

Tagging: @humanmoodring

Timing: May 17th, 2020

Details: Nadia and Luce are just v soft (even if Luce ain’t about it).

Wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, Luce slid back up to the head of the bed to lie next to Nadia, a self-satisfied grin plastered on her face. She lay on her stomach, watching the other woman intently. “How you feeling there, hm?” She asked, no small amount of teasing in her voice as she propped herself up on one of the pillows. She really appreciated that Nadia was the type to be aware of volume control-- Luce had lost count of how many of her hookups had nearly been sabotaged because of Bea pounding her fist against their shared wall-- but, it also meant there was less vocal feedback in the moment. That said, she was pretty confident in her abilities. Running a hand through her mussed up hair, Luce scooted away slightly from Nadia, giving her space in bed. She knew she ran warm and hardly any of the people she’d hooked up with in the past were into her space-heater like temperatures. Which worked, honestly, it saved her from dealing with people who wanted to cuddle.

Taking a moment to get her breathing back to where she wanted it, Nadia turned her head a bit to look at Luce. Eyes halfway closed, cheeks flushed, Nadia felt just about as relaxed and good as she’d felt in, well, in a very long time. She raised an eyebrow, though, and allowed a cheeky grin to spread over her face. “Probably about as good as you do,” she said, more than just a little confident in herself, especially now that she was aware she was actually feeling other people’s emotions. Was it cheating? Maybe a little bit, but it’s not really cheating if it’s for the other person’s benefit, she believed. It’d served her well back in college, before the blackouts had gotten too bad, and it’d served her well now. Thinking back on college, on the kind of person she’d been then, she couldn’t help but feel just a melancholy, even in the afterglow. All of her last few hookups had been because she just wanted to feel something, anything but the everpresent hole that she’d felt when she’d lost her friend. And now, she couldn’t help but feel like this was just a bit similar. Except she knew Luce, had been around her enough to find her genuinely attractive. And she didn’t feel like this was anything serious for the other woman, either. Still. She felt a bit like a wound had opened, really, one she didn’t like to think about. But it was there. Like a few tears prickly at the corners of her eyes, traitors. She raised up on her good elbow a bit, tried to blink them away. Turned to Luce, gave her a bit of a smile. “How do you feel?”

Pleased with herself at Nadia's words, Luce looked like a cat that had gotten the cream. In a very literal way, she supposed, the stupid joke making her grin even more. She was damn good in bed and she knew it-- but, it was always nice to hear it expressed. Rubbing the back of her neck, still thinking about the way the other woman and pushed her in just the right ways, Luce nodded. “I can’t disagree with you there.” She said, her response deliberately underplaying how very much into this whole situation she was. Eyes trained on Nadia, she took in the other woman’s soft skin, the curve of jaw, the line of her neck. Gorgeous. Absolutely stunning. She’d figured that Nadia would be just as beautiful in bed as she was normally, but up close? Whole nother ball game. As she stared at her, Luce’s grin faltered a bit at the way that she saw her eyelashes flutter. Uh, was something wrong? “Me? Oh, I’m great. Fantastic, one could say.” She said with an off hand gesture. Eyebrows arching slightly, she weighed her options. On the one hand, she could keep her mouth shut and just chill and enjoy the post-sex haze that settled between them. On the other hand, she could be nosey. Fuck. “You sure you’re good?” Luce asked.

Though the other woman tried to play it a bit coy with her response, Nadia still allowed her smile to widen a bit, grow more genuine. It was easy to play it cool with your words; emotions were a bit harder to hide. Not that she minded, particularly. It was nice to enjoy and be affected by someone else’s emotions for once. It was rarely enjoyable, out in public. But here, with Luce, in her bed, it was pleasant. Something nice to latch onto. She wondered, briefly, how long she could get away with staying and just… being. Usually, she got out as quickly as possible after hookups, as soon as she could stumble out the door, really, be that immediately after or the next morning. But… they knew each other, and neither of them were drunk. This wasn’t particularly random; in fact, they’d planned it. There was nothing random about this at all. Nadia didn’t actually know what that meant and, for the first time that night, was feeling a bit unsure. She was happy that Luce was happy, but everything else. She let out a slight laugh. Fuck, she needed to learn to get ahold of her own emotions. “I’m, well, I mean, it’s been awhile since I’ve done this. Just a bit… introspective I guess.” God, that sounded incredibly unsexy. 

Gaze still focused on the woman in her bed, Luce shifted slightly under the rumpled sheets that covered them. It wasn’t that she was uncomfortable or anything-- she’d asked the question, she’d opened up whatever can of worms was coming. But, for all her bravado and her posturing, there was a small seed of doubt in the back of her mind. Yeah, she was good in bed, yeah she’d gotten what she’d wanted out of this. But, she didn’t like using people without them getting something back in return. Maybe that was the result of a magical up-bringing, her fixation on give and take, and equivalent exchange. Either way, when Nadia mentioned that it’d been a while, she felt more than a little bit guilty. Pushing those thoughts aside, she nodded, an easy grin still on her face. “Well, you could have fooled me.” She teased, pausing for a moment. Ugh. She should just take the statement at face value, just let it slide. Maybe distract Nadia with the opportunity for a second round before politely telling her she could totally spend the night, with the heavy implication that she wanted anything but that. But… she wasn’t going to do that. “What’s going on in your head?” 

Luce’s guilt and discomfort was a bit bitter in the back of Nadia’s mind. Nothing overpowering, but it was there. She didn’t like it, felt a bit bad for causing it. And, at the end of the day, she had caused it, even if she’d caused much more pleasant things earlier. She should’ve just waited and escaped when the time got right. Not said anything, kept better control over her emotions. After all, she was an empath, whatever the hell that meant. It should’ve meant that she had a handle on her own emotional turmoil, since she had to deal with everyone else’s. But that didn’t seem to be the case. Fine. Sure. She’d live with it. She let herself enjoy Luce’s teasing, however briefly. “Thank you. I mean, some things you don’t forget, you know? No matter how long it’s been.” Nadia gave the other woman a grin, almost a smirk. It disappeared, though, slowly, before Nadia furrowed her brow, just a bit. She opened her mouth, closed it, and evaluated things. This was an incredibly inopportune time to be asking that question, mostly because it felt harder for her to lie about the answer in the moment. “Heavy question,” she murmured. Could they just stay like this? She wondered. Luce was warm; it’d be easy for her to just doze off, just briefly, even with all the thoughts swirling around in her head. She bit the inside of her cheek. “A lot. Mostly good things, about you and this, of course.” She gave another small smile. “But other things, too.”

“Mhm, you know, maybe there’s some truth to me being called the town bicycle.” Luce joked. “You might take a break, but you never forget how to ride.” She said with a lazy wink. But, the easy joking tone slipped away, replaced by a pause and indecision. As she watched Nadia collect her thoughts, Luce began to idly trace shapes on the sheets with her fingertips. Circles turned into eyes, then a long stroke against the sheet became the side of a face, and Luce realized she was tracing an image of Nadia into the space between them. Smoothing the wrinkles in the fabric away with her palm, she tilted her head. “Well, I’m glad that I’m in the good things category. But… seems like you’ve got a lot on your mind. You can talk about it, you know. I’m a good listener.” She had to be, what with her job. And besides, she found herself wanting to know what was going on in that head. Nadia was a bit of a mystery to her, one that she was interested in unravelling, in all senses of the word. 

Despite herself, Nadia let out a laugh. Unable to really hold herself up much longer on one elbow, she laid back on the bed and looked at Luce. She was serious about this, about wanting to listen to what Nadia had to say. It wasn’t a new, crazy thing, not like it was when she first came to White Crest and genuinely wanted to listen to her, know her. It still surprised her, though, every time. She picked at the bandage on her arm, knowing she’d be picking at the stitches if it wasn’t covered up. She needed something to preoccupy her, for just a moment, while she gathered her thoughts. “You were definitely in the good category,” she said. Nadia ran a hand over her face. She bit her lip. “I’m not sure what to talk about, or where to begin, or even what you’d want to hear before it becomes oversharing.” She smiled wryly. “I’ve been trying to learn not to do that.” Especially since she’d outed herself as possessed to Alain over the internet. 

“Trust me, I know a thing or two about oversharing. People say stuff they’d never tell anyone on my chair all the time. As long as you don’t tell me about the time you and some college buddies went on a massive bender and then you woke up a week later with a picture of Puff the Magic Dragon tattooed on your ass, we’re good. Which,” Luce glanced pointedly at Nadia’s hip, covered by the sheets, “I think I can already confirm that you don’t have that particular story.” She said with a grin that slowly shifted to a more serious expression. As much as she would like to continue to lighten the mood with stupid stories from the shop, she did want to know what all was going on in there. “But, seriously. Hit me with your best shot.” She nodded, “And, hey. If I think you’re crossing a line, I’ll tell you. I’m not about listening to shit that I shouldn’t hear.”

“Puff the Magic Dragon, huh?” Nadia shook her head, though she was laughing. She sighed, though, figuring she should just… start talking. “Like I said, it’s been awhile. College, really, is the last time I remember.” She wouldn’t really know, though, where her body had been and what it’d been doing when she wasn’t in control. “I wasn’t in that great of a place, then. I told you, a bit, I think, about my friend that moved out.” Everything was coming out so haltingly, the words both carefully thought out and stuck in the back of her throat. She didn’t know how to talk about this, about Brooke and her leaving and how all of it made her feel. “I was… devastated, perhaps, is a good word. Incredibly upset. I’m terrible with emotions, my own, at least. I didn’t-- I was sad and tired of being sad, so I was trying to not be like that. And I ended up… I’m afraid I was using other people to not feel that way. And then things got worse, and, well, here we are.” She gave a shaky smile. Her eyes widened, just a bit. “Not that I’m-- I mean to say, I’m not, you know, using you for anything. I mean, we planned this, it was incredibly thought out, I wouldn’t-- I think of you as a friend, you know? This, I mean, this was just an added benefit.”

“You better believe it.” Luce said, making a face at the memory of the nasty ass-- literally-- tattoo that she’d had to work on. As much as she loved her job, there were some things she never wanted to do again. Ass tattoo cover ups? Big ol’ fucking nope. Listening to Nadia intently, she could hear the sadness in her words. As if what she was actually wasn’t already sad enough, she could hear the waver in her voice, the pauses that lingered as she tried to figure out how to put her feelings to words. Shifting closer to Nadia, Luce took the woman’s hand and began to trace shapes with her fingertip on her palm. She didn’t like talking about emotional shit-- about herself or about other people’s baggage. Physical stuff was easier, more straight forward. And some people liked the physical comfort. Maybe Nadia did too, who knows. It was worth a shot. “It sucks. To be in a situation like that.” She said finally, though she really had no basis for the statement. She’d never felt abandoned like that-- she was always the one who’d left. “But sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to keep your head above water, right?” With a grin, Luce met Nadia’s eyes, “Trust me. I know you’re not using me. Friends with benefits is exactly what I’m looking for.”

It was easy for Nadia to relax under Luce’s touch. Melt, really; the other woman was so warm, like sunshine and summer months, laying out in the backyard with a book. It’d probably get too warm, eventually, but Nadia’d never been good at gauging that kind of thing. She always went too close the the warmth, the heat, like a moth drawn into a bug zapper. That didn’t stop her, though, from getting a bit closer to Luce, as close as she dared. She was always cold. Always. It felt nice to be warm. “It wasn’t-- I mean I didn’t-- Never really figured out how to deal with it, I guess. Then or now.” She laughed a little, wetly. She damned her tears. “I don’t know if I was keeping my head above water or helping hold it under. I don’t know. I was fucking drowning for years. Just a fucking mess of it. Don’t even remember it.” It was as close to the truth as Nadia attempted to get right now, know if she pushed herself too far, all of it would come spilling out in a horrible, ugly way, and she could tell that this wasn’t the most comfortable thing in the world to Luce. As it was, this was fine. It was safe. It was good. She let herself trace the tattoos on Luce’s hand, marveling at the beautiful patterns and attentions to detail. It was incredible that the other woman had designed them herself. “Good. I can-- This is good.”

Feeling the way the woman drew closer to her, Luce resisted the urge to stiffen slightly. She hated cuddling, hated the intimacy of feeling another’s heart beating against her own, of hearing their slow and steady breaths coming in. Sex? There was nothing intimate about mindless sex, it was all about sensation and pleasure. Shit like this is what made her shy away from anyone who ever wanted to get to know her. But, here she was, letting it happen. As Nadia continued to speak, Luce glanced up from the mindless shapes she’d drawn on her hand and was startled to see the tears in her eyes. Oh fuck. “Mmm.” Luce hummed noncommittally, to disguise both her discomfort and the unsettling concern that was growing in the pit of her stomach. “Sometimes it’s better not to remember shit. Gives you the ability to move forward with things, live your life without being tethered to the past.” She said, holding her hands still to allow Nadia to trace the dark lines of her tattoos. She wished that she could forget some of the things she’d heard growing up. Nothing big, nothing dramatic, nothing like that. She’d just forget some of the family shit… some of the baggage. Luce raised an eyebrow at Nadia’s less than certain response. “You sure? You don’t need to say yes. I’m cool with this being a one time thing.”

It was so strange, to Nadia, to feel the things that people were hiding. It was sweet that Luce was attempting to hide her feelings, even if it didn’t always work. At least Nadia could pick out what it was about. When people used to try and mask things, hide feelings from her, she’d always been confused and embittered. Why couldn’t everyone just wear their emotions on their sleeves so that everyone was in on the secrets with her? Everyone but her, of course. She couldn’t… It was so hard to be open, when everything was always so open for her. How do you keep all the grief around you from affecting you? You bottle up your own. How do you keep your parents sadness and disappointment from overwhelming you? You lash out at it with anger. You keep everything close to your chest, so close. You’re not even playing cards anymore, are you, Nadia? Was it still a poker face if she kept it up when the game’s over? Covering it all up with sarcasm and humor, that made it okay, right? And as for the things that can’t be remembered… “Maybe it is for the best,” she murmured. She didn’t want to know what her ghost had been doing, anyway. “And I’m sure. I mean, if you’re sure. I don’t want to come off as, I mean, I’m not clingy.” Her jaw twitched a bit at the word. She hated being called clingy. She wasn’t. She hadn’t been when her boyfriend had broken up with her at the start of sophomore year of college, claiming that to be the reason why. She hadn’t been when Brooke left just a note and she’d spent days trying to call or text or anything. She wasn’t clingy. Clingy was the last thing she’d ever hoped to be again.

In the silence, Luce could practically hear the gears turning in the other woman’s head. There was a whole lot going on behind Nadia’s light eyes and she wasn’t quite sure what to make of it all. But, at the other woman’s quiet admission, Luce couldn’t help but wonder if she’d said something wrong. She wasn’t good at this kinda talking shit, she’d never been good at it. Dumb comments and dick jokes and mindless, easy flirting was what she excelled at. Stuff like that was easy, simple. She presented a side of herself that others could either take or leave, and it made sifting through the people who stayed easier. But this? This whole… comforting others with words, helping them through things? Not her thing. Never had been, never would be. As she watched Nadia’s face, she noticed the slight clench in the woman’s jaw at the word. Clingy. A slight chill ran down her spine-- how many times had she thrown that word around to other girls? She knew what it meant to call someone clingy and demanding. It was a shitty nail in the coffin move, that ended things in an instant. And it seemed like Nadia knew that too, just from the other end of the conversation. “Believe me, I’m sure. And I don’t think you’re clingy.” She said, running her finger tips up Nadia’s arm to reassure her. 

Relaxing a bit more at Luce’s words and touch, Nadia let her eyes slip close. She smiled, just a bit. “Right, okay then. Good.” There was a bit of relief that came along with the words. And she could do this, she figured, keep herself in check, not become attached or anything like that. Usually, Nadia considered herself monogamous. As in, mono, singular, alone. Or, occasionally, a one time thing, no strings, no names, no phone calls. But this… she could do this. If it let her relax and got rid of some of her ever present stress, she could. And Luce was certainly a wonderful person to do it with. Before she could think too much, get lost in her head, Nadia rolled over so that she was on top of Luce. Her arm hurt a bit, but she wasn’t complaining. Even if she pulled a stitch or two, it was probably worth it. She gave a smirk. “Good?”

As Nadia shifted so that she was positioned over her, Luce’s smile returned, her eyes darkening with lust. Better. This was better. No talking, no feelings, no questions, and no need to answer. No trying to juggle someone else’s emotions and worry about how she might fuck it up. Or having to worry about them asking questions of their own, questions she didn’t want to answer. Looping her arms around Nadia, her fingers running up against the woman’s bare back, Luce nodded. “Oh, this is more than good.” She said before pulling her down to capture her lips in a heated kiss. This was easy, this was simple, and it had no strings attached. Just how she wanted it. And, hopefully, just how Nadia intended to keep things too. But, as the woman moved above her, the warmth of their bodies pressed against each other, all those thoughts were banished from her mind.

#p: nadia diaz #p: tntpt #wickedswriting

[migleefulmoments]

Please, please, please publish Abby’s new diatribe as I have apparently been blocked (or perhaps just don’t know enough about tumblr to find it). I’m dying to see what she worked on for two months to justify her existence!

Anonymous said: Oh dear, looks like Abby’s family didn’t get her help after all, a lost cause then, what an absolute waste of a life. It’s actually sad. A shame her family didn’t get her help

Le sigh...she is not well. She hasn’t learned one thing while she’s been away and she still has the exact same grievances- mostly about how much she hates Mia and how much she feels sorry for herself because we aren’t lapping up her fantasy and showering her with adoration for being the leader of the ccship. Her main complaint, the reason she popped back in to write the same tired complaints and criticisms, is that she’s tired of people blaming Darren for the ccsituation. It’s always about her love for ccDarren and her need to absolve him of all responsibility for all of the things the cc fandom dislike about him and his life. IT’S ALWAYS MIA’S FAULT and the defacto fandom leaders aren’t reminding everyone “it’s never Darren’s fault” and “always blame Mia’s”.

She lashes out to criticize the “hate blogs” but ultimately she blames Ricky and Mia for EVERYTHING including the “attack on her family” (which of course, was NOT an attack on her family, it was a plea for her family to get her some help).  She claims “they” tried to shut her up and then lists all the evidence that “they” tried to end her blog:  HER copyright strikes (lots of us have one) and the “hate” blogs before listing individual grievances against several bloggers, amping up the grievance for dramatic effect and making it seem like they were coordinated, well-planned attacks against her. She negates her own part e.g. I published the photo ONLY after she dared me to several times. All of this because  “If this is what they were willing to do to me, a mere fan, imagine what they are well to do to him, their absolute life sources?” “They” aka Mia and Ricky.  

I found it hard to read. She’s not in a good place.  

***************************************  

Hello CCLand!  Have you missed me?  I know I have missed you all.  This post is not me coming back, frankly, I still have not decided how I want to navigate the future, but for the past 2 months all of this has been festering inside, so I need to post and make a few points.

First and foremost, I want to say that I am incredibly proud of my blog. I spent 5 years building a relationship with my readers and trying to provide a voice for 2 people who have been marginalized and frankly had their voices largely muted. I will never apologize for this or feel bad about it. Nor will I feel bad about pointing a finger at people that I know are truly evil.  

I am far from perfect and I admit, I made 2 massive errors.  I overshared because I was naive and never thought the information would be used against me.  And I did not pay enough attention to the hate blogs and their threats.

This was a blog that I started when I first learned about CC and frankly it grew out of love and a need to try to bring justice to a person that is absolutely a victim of a completely antiquated and abusive system.  Further, I don’t THINK D is closeted, I KNOW D is closeted.  And I have substantial facts to back up that statement.  I never intended to become the most read CC blog or to meets so many wonderful an amazing people that I admire, but that is what happened and that has given me great joy.

But with the good comes the bad, and what happened to me is absolutely sick and depraved.  And I am writing this post in hopes that someone will read it and see just how fucked up the behavior of a few “fans” has been towards me and to help them to extend this to what has been done to D and C.  Please do not feel sad for me, or send me sympathy, it is not my point.  But I hope that perhaps it will inspire some of you to be more active and to fight a little harder as I try to navigate the harassment that occurred to my family.

Pretty much since I started to write, I have been receiving hate, something to be expected when you join a fandom like this. But at some point, it became much more frequent and took a turn from manageable hate to harassment and bullying.  In October of 2017, I got my first ask with my full name and from that day forward there has been an active attempt to try to bullying me off the internet. Now ask why that is?  I am just a fan, with what most think is a crazy belief, with a relatively small following. I do not and have not tagged the players nor do I contact them directly. I have never been anything but incredibly polite to  D and C, and frankly I have ignored M whenever I have been in her presence because she is not worthy of my time or energy. I have never reached out to them over SM to make one statement about fandom. So why such an effort to silence my voice?  Especially if it is as insignificant as they claim?  

They tried deleting my blog, that failed. They tried with copyright infringements but I got smarter about making sure to post links.  So, what did they do?  They started with vicious attacks on my character on their hate blogs. Posting my full name and image.  Analyzing every word i wrote, desperately trying to debunk me, stating that i had severe mental health issues.  Tagged C, W, and A/lla to warn them about my presence at a book signing.  They stalked my friends and I at a festival, made false accusations, and published a photo. This meant that had to seek us out, locate where we were sitting and wait for a moment when they could get an image that they could twist to their favor.  That is insane. And there is no way to twist it to say its normal or expected.

But that apparently was enough harassment.  They threatened my work and my career.  Next, they started to stalk my family on the internet and use a devastating injury and a charity to harass and bully my family to the point that I did have to make the painful decision to not just stop posting but to protect my blog. This is completely vile and inexcusable behavior.  And the fact that it was not stopped, is a strong statement about the people clearly in control.

Why am I recounting? Because I want people to wake up and stop blaming D for every twist and turn.  If this is what they were willing to do to me, a mere fan, imagine what they are well to do to him, their absolute life sources? I am just another body left behind in the carnage, D is their source of money and fame. And not just his team and his “bride” but all of the people that have ridden his coattails to have name recognition.  

I wish people would realize this is not choose your own adventure book, D is a human who has been held against his will due to an enormous amount of power they clearly wield over him. How do you not see that if he could, he would end this?  This has not been about him being straight in so long, straight is how they control him and how they are able to make M relevant.  

And if you though this was a choice, how were you not woken up in the days following his dad’s death? I would guess not 48 hours after he buried his father, he was dragged from his mother’s home, forced to play dress up and pose for a ridiculous, cruel and inhumane set of pics.  D has lied about many things, but never about his parents, he has always been nothing but reverent when he speaks about them and his love and respect for them is clear.

Clearly, I have not gone anywhere, and I am still watching and reading every word. I have actually been incredibly proud of D during the majority of press for HW.  He has made so many statements that are a foundation for the truth, including telling us that young actors do things that they later learn to regret, telling us that HW has not changed, and stating that the person you see has a story we will never know.  

The press to legitimize and canonize M has been laughable and beyond transparent. It is so obvious this is on his list of required duties and the fact that they did not pause if for 1 week when his dad died is absolute proof that this is not a choice.

I do have to laugh at the irony of the d “quote” about fans being mean to his poor “wife” (that he himself has called a big girl).  So it is ok to bully a fan off the internet to the point that they stalked and harassed my family (and it does not matter if his was led by his team, her, her friends, or a fan in her name), but it is not ok for a small handful of fans to discuss the sad reality and point the finger at the truth?

Anyhow, this got way too long, but it has all been building up inside.  This blog was  such a massive part of my life and I miss it and you more than words can say. I encourage all of you to keep supporting these incredible men, I have no doubt they are worth it. I do think they next few months will bring about change, but what they change is, we still don’t know. I hope that D wins sooner than later. I am not certain how much longer he can be expected to sustain this weight.   If you reached this point, thank you for reading.    I am going back to my quiet corner now.  

[twdeadfanfic]

Drinks and Braids

Daryl Dixon x Reader

Summary:  1236 words (wops) drabble with the prompt “Sshh, stop fussing, I’m braiding your hair!”, Alexandria era, set after Deanna’s party. Requested by @fabii101

You can find more Daryl x Reader stories in the masterlist linked in the description of this blog.

......................................................

As you stumbled out of Deanna’s house, you realized you were a bit tipsy. Maybe quite a bit tipsy…

The last time you had drank alcohol must have been that night you spent at the CDC, but you had decided that since you were at a party with drinks available and you had to interact with nosy people that you didn’t know, you deserved to have some drinks. You had ended up drinking more than you had initially thought, the alcohol had soon gone to your head, but that just made it easier to have fun and talk to people, and so you had kept drinking and drinking

Maybe you should have stopped more than a couple of drinks ago…you had turned into a giggling, oversharing mess, which you’d regret as soon as you were sober enough to think about it. Now everything was spinning and you felt like you were burning, the reason why you had decided to go out and get some air.

You spotted Daryl at the end of the street and you smiled. Your favorite person was joining the party! You had thought he wasn’t coming. He was your crush too, had been for a long while, though nobody knew…well, not until you had started talking about him at the party, not that you had realized it.

Daryl wasn’t moving, though, and so you decided to go get him. You stumbled down the stairs of Deanna’s house, tripping a bit at the last one… because of those new boots you weren’t used to and not because of the drinks you had, you were sure.

You made a beeline towards Daryl…or you did in your head, not noticing how uncoordinated you were, tumbling slightly from side to side. Daryl frowned as you approached him, but you didn’t notice, grinning as you greeted him.

“Daryl! I’m so happy you came! I thought you wouldn’t!” You rushed the last steps towards him but ended up tripping over, though Daryl was quick, reaching out to grab your arms and prevent you from falling down. “Wops, I can’t walk with these boots, they are pretty but I think they’re not my size.” You giggled and Daryl just frowned more.

“Are you drunk?”

“No, well…a bit tipsy…” You giggled again. “But it’s a party! Come on, let’s go.” You reached to take Daryl’s hand and lace your fingers, tugging, but he didn’t move.

“I think you had enough.” He was looking at you half concerned half amused. “I’ll walk you home.”

“But you’ll miss the party…”

“I wasn’t going inside anyway, I was going to go home…” Daryl shrugged.

“You look so sad since we arrived here… I hate it. I don’t want you to be sad.” You pouted. “Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll fix it. If I have to kick someone’s ass I will. If you want to leave I’ll go with you.” Maybe the alcohol was making you be more honest than you usually would, but you meant every word. “But I think this place could be good for you too…”

Daryl was looking at you with a soft smile. He let go of one of your hands to brush his knuckles over your cheekbone ever so softly, making you grin and lean into his touch. You didn’t think he had ever shown you that kind of physical affection.

“You’re more than tipsy, Y/N. Come on, let’s go home.”

“Noooo!” You pouted again. “You don’t want to go to the party, okay, cool. But I don’t want to go home yet…” You looked around and pointed at one of Alexandria’s green areas. “Come, sit with me.”

Daryl rolled his eyes, shaking his head, but he let you tug him with you and you both sat down on the grass. You kicked off the uncomfortable boots, stretching your toes, smiling as you felt the grass and the mug against your feet. You turned to look at Daryl, who had been watching you but he looked away when you looked at him.

“Your hair looks so soft…” You thought aloud. Daryl arched an eyebrow at you, seeming amused but mostly confused. You reached out and stroke Daryl’s hair, it felt so soft too.

“What you doing?!” Daryl snapped, pulling away from you.

“Shh. Stop fussing!” You shifted onto your knees and ran your fingers through a strand of his oh so soft hair. “I’m braiding your hair!”

“Y/N!” Daryl complained, shaking his head to free his hair from your grap.

“Come on, indulge me on this…” You looked at Daryl with begging eyes and pouty lips. He rolled his eyes, letting out a sigh, but he stopped trying to pull away.

Humming softly, you braided one of the strands closer to his face into a tiny braid. You didn’t have a hair tie so you secured the end of the braid with a bobby pin you took out of your own hair, and then you did the same at the other side of his head. Lastly, you took the last two bobby pins of your hairdo, letting your hair fall free, to pin the couple of tiny braids back. You looked at Daryl, surveying your work, and you grinned and giggled. He was looking away from you, cheeks blushed red.

“So handsome! Like a prince charming…” You let out a dreamy sigh and Daryl scoffed, reaching to take off the braids, but you slapped his hands away. He grumbled something but stopped trying. “Not that you aren’t always handsome…cos you really are.”

Daryl’s eyes snapped to you at that, looking at you as if you had gone crazy or as if he thought you were making fun of him. You didn’t notice, though, and you kept talking...or rather oversharing again.

“But if only you were handsome…but no, you gotta be smart too, and brave, and loyal, and kind, generous, with the best heart, and so on, and so on…” You almost sounded frustrated. “How’s people supposed not to fall for you.”

Daryl kept looking at you as if you were crazy, cheeks burning, and then he shook his head. “How much have you drunk, girl?”

“I’m not that I drunk!” You protested. “Although…yeah, okay, maybe I’m drunk.” You giggled. “But I mean every word.” You did. Not that you wouldn’t be embarrassed about having said all that in the morning, if you remembered it.

Daryl wasn’t saying anything, too dumbfounded and shy to be able to find words, though you were oblivious to it. You let yourself fall down onto your back, lying down over the soft grass.

“I like you a lot, Daryl…” You whispered, closing your eyes and reaching out blindly until you found his hand and laced your fingers, barely noticing his twitching nervously.

“You should go home and sleep.” He managed to murmur.

“Just five minutes more…”

You ended up falling asleep there. Daryl knew he should wake you up, drag you home and get you in bed… his mind was too busy to do anything but think, though. He thought about your words, what you had said about him…he thought about how it made him nervous and uncomfortable but at the same time made something twirl inside his stomach and his heart speed up…he wondered if it was real, or if it was the alcohol. He wondered if you’d remember it in the morning. He wondered if he’d dare to ask you in the morning if you really meant it…

..............................................................

I hope you enjoyed this little thing, if you have a moment please drop me a comment with your thoughts.

As always, english is not my mother language, so sorry if there are mistakes.

If you want to be (un)tagged let me know!

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#daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #daryl dixon/reader #daryl dixon & reader #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon fanfic #daryl dixon fic #daryl dixon imagine

[kilyra]

He Did Know Something

Chief Jim Hopper (Stranger Things) One-Shot

A/N: After getting a serious spark of inspiration from @divadinag​​ ‘s awesome gif below, this story immediately formed in my head. I guess it’s not much, but I had fun!

As a journalist who is relatively new to Hawkins, you quickly notice that things don’t add up and your frustration grows that Hopper, a good friend, is no help at all.  

Warnings: Mega spoilers for S1 and 2!!! Like all the spoilers. But that’s all…other than depictions of smoking I guess?

If you want to be on my tag list for this or any character just let me know! (All gif credit to the amazing @divadinag​​)

You should have stopped. A small part of you knew that. The back and forth wasn’t going to get you anywhere, and it was just ruining a perfectly nice and relaxing evening with a good friend.

But…it was too much. Nothing added up and the longer you sat with that fact, the deeper your agitation grew. And each time you looked over at Hopper, who was casually rambling on about some nonsense, it outright spiked.

“I see that look in your eye, Y/n and you can ask me as many times as you want, but my answer’s not gonna change. There’s nothing going on in Hawkins. It’s the same boring little town its always been.” Hopper drawled dismissively as he came back from his fridge with two cans of beer. Raising his thick eyebrows, he set one on the TV tray in front of you before lowering into his recliner.

Grabbing the beer, you took a healthy swig before you pulled your note pad from your bag. Pinching your cigarette between your lips, you flipped through the pages to check your notes while you argued. “Really? A boring little town that…that has obituaries for children who are home and fine? Apparently full funerals for them too?”

Huffing an irritated sigh through his nose, he also took a large chug from his can as he eyed up the muted television. “We’ve been over that. It was a horrible case of mistaken identity, alright?”

“Really? Then who was it? And did the body get excavated or it still in a grave for…um…a  William Byers?”

Refusing to look your direction, he pulled his cigarette off the ashtray for a quick inhale. Offering a faint shrug, his voice was softer. “I don’t…”

The words hung in the air, but you weren’t about to stop. “I mean, wouldn’t the actual parents want the chance to claim the body?”

Pausing as you were about to flip the page, you held the paper between your fingers as you looked up and waited for his reaction. He had turned back to the silent screen and grunted in a noise that sounded like he was possibly agreeing.

“And…how is that not major news? How does no one outside the city lines know about this? And on that note, why is it that when I ask anyone about it, everyone instantly clams up? I can’t get a peep out of anyone here. Small town people not oversharing? That seems perfectly normal right?”

Rubbing his fingers across his forehead, his lit cigarette traced smoke circles with the motion. When he looked at you, every bit of wariness he seemed to feel was etched across his face. “Go figure that something so tragic doesn’t leave everyone chatty.”

“Except, normally, it does. People fall over themselves to talk about horrible shit like that. But not here. Guess maybe that’s because of the…what was it…Oh right, the toxin leak? Right? The Department of Energy has some crazy chemicals that just make people go quiet?” Sharply, you tapped your finger on your notepad as you found each point to throw at him.

Pressing his thumb to his temple as the smoke danced up towards the ceiling, he didn’t even dignify that with a response.

After glancing at the rest of your notes, you snapped the pad closed. “I mean, other than when those toxins kill people, of course. One mystery kid died just as another was killed by DoE, and that was before the big…rather vague…incident that killed a lot more people before the lab was shut down. I mea-”

“Is this seriously why you came over tonight? Just to grill me about all this shit? Get me in the comfort of my own home, have a few beers and what? Hope I lower my guard or something?” Shaking his head slightly as he drew his shoulders up, he asked everything as much with his body as with his words.

“No…but I-”

“Because my answers are going to be the same as they were at my office,” he added, his gruff voice slightly raised.

Tossing the notepad into your bag, you let out a long sigh. “What answers were those?”

You mumbled your reply, but Hopper’s eyebrow shot up as his hand tightened around his beer can. “There something you want to say to me? Because Magnum is on in ten minutes, so you may as well get it out now.”

As he stiffly held his drink, it suddenly dawned on you how tense he was. And how quickly that tension descended on him as soon as you started nudging the conversation towards the oddities of Hawkins.

Frowning, you forced your stare away from his hand and let it drift over the muddy-coloured rug covering the hardwood. Taking another drag, you plucked the cigarette from your mouth to rest between your knuckles as you exhaled the smoke through your nose. It wasn’t even helping to calm the rising feeling of dread. “Look, Hop, I’m not trying to get you drunk and trick you. Hell. I don’t even know if there’s a publishable story here.”

When you risked a glance back at him, you saw the same intense stare as before while he continued to study you. “But?”

“But…you haven’t actually answered a question. Not really. You spit out common facts that everyone knows – the same things everyone else says. And if I press anything, you just start answering with questions of your own.”

“That so?” His eyes seemed to harden as he kept his focus squarely on you as though he were challenging you to finish your thought.

The awkward silence hanging in the air didn’t seem to leave you much choice. “It’s just…it just seems a little suspect is all.”

“Suspect? And what is it you’re suspecting me of?” Although his voice was calm, you didn’t miss the subtle flare of his nostrils.

Your mouth ran dry and you took another sip. But it didn’t help.

Leaning forward in his chair, Hopper narrowed his eyes. “Did you ever think I keep trying to steer you away from that line of questioning for your own good?”

As you snapped your gaze up to meet his, your heart raced. Firmly holding your attention with his unyielding stare, his hand squeezed tightly around the beer can. He couldn’t have just threatened you but you were too stunned to clarify.

“You say everyone enjoys piling onto a bad situation, but it was bad. Really bad. For some, it hasn’t exactly ended and they don’t take kindly to people trying to poke around in that. It’s not safe.“ The crunch of the crumpling aluminum in his hand finished his point.

Safe?

That was the first time safety was ever a concern. It broke your silence.

“What do you mean safe, Hop?”

Blinking, he straightened and loosened his death grip on the beer can. “Your…career. You want to be a journalist and dig into everything. But that’s going to crumble if you turn the town against you.”

“Are you part of this?” The words dropped out of your mouth before they took a second to pass by your brain first.

“No.”

His reply came equally as fast, and that said it all. As you both stared at each other with slightly widened eyes, a cold, numb curtain dropped over the sick feeling in your stomach.

Hopper had become a close friend after helping you through some difficult times when you first moved to Hawkins. And it was impossible to deny your attraction to him, even if you wouldn’t act on it. But even with all of that, as you tried to process what he just admitted to, you had to leave.

Hopper’s eyebrows furrowed deeply as his faint alarm turned to disgust. “I’m not part of anything because there’s nothing to be part of!”

Roughly butting out your cigarette, you turned enough in your seat to stand up without knocking over the TV tray. Shooting him one last glare, you scooped up your bag and stormed towards the door.

As you passed his chair, his hand shot out and grabbed yours. His chilled fingers wrapped around your hand, lightly digging into your palm. A jolt rushed through you at the contact as heat rushed to your cheeks. Refusing to look at him, you pulled away and kept walking.

From behind, you heard the loud clatter of the metal tray as he shoved it out of the way. “Wait, where are you going?”

“I…I don’t know. But I know I’m not going to find any answers here. Maybe someone missed cleaning up something at what’s left of the lab? I…I don’t kn-”

With surprising agility, he stepped past you, stopping in front of the door. Facing his palms out, he blocked your way without grabbing you. “You can’t just go breaking into the abandoned lab. It’s not…safe.”

“Give me a break, I can handle a bit of broken glass.”

Stepping forward, you moved to pass him when he lurched back and pressed himself against the door. His eyes held yours with the same heated look they had all night.

More insulted than worried, you immediately tried to push him out of the way. Staring down at you, he refused to move. His tongue subtly ran over his lips as his gaze briefly darted down to your mouth.

“Could you just, for once, trust that I might actually know what I’m talking about, Y/n? You can’t go there.”

Pausing, with your hands still resting on his chest, you glared as your insult fanned into anger. “You’re going to literally stand between me and my story?”

The muscles along his cheek rippled as he clenched his jaw. He raised his hands, hovering them on either side of your face with his fingers flexing into fists as he spoke through grit teeth. “I don’t give a shit about your story.”

Balling your own hands, you caught the fabric of his shirt between your fingers as you uselessly shoved at him. “Then what?!”

Gritting his teeth harder, his lip curled up as he let out a soft growl. Relaxing his hands, they suddenly cupped your face as his mouth crashed against yours. The scent of smoke wrapped around you and you could taste the stale beer on his lips. His rough fingertips trailed gently down your neck, dropping against your back to pull you closer as he deepened the kiss. You didn’t fight it. Hell, you welcomed it as your hands snaked up to his shoulders, grabbing new handfuls of fabric.

When he finally pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours and took a steadying breath. “I know I can’t stop you, but please, not like this. I’ll go with you tomorrow when we’ve got our heads on straight, okay?”

As you let out a soft exhale, you felt his shoulders relax slightly under your fingers. The heat from his hands melted into your skin as you noticed how tightly he was holding you, like he was scared to let go.

Scared.

It was in that moment when you realized what you had been seeing in his eyes all night. It wasn’t tension, it wasn’t anger…it was fear.

He did know something, and he was afraid for you.

Nodding against his forehead, you caved. You wanted answers, but you trusted Hopper more…and if he was worried, it was bad.

“Okay.”

Taglist:  @foreverfaeries​​  @flower-two​​  @getlostinyourparadise​​   @selfishkiddo​​  @angelicshinigami​​  @pansmexualparker​​   @givemeabite​​

#jim hopper x reader #chief jim hopper x reader #hopper x reader #stranger things

[serendipitous-magic]

Question Game - AKA Oversharing Hour

I was tagged by @the-angry-pixie​! And I’m a chronic oversharer, so this was fun. I’ll put most of it under a read more line because there’s a LOT.

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? 

Black. Dunno why.

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? 

City city city city city city city city. I’m already going fucking batshit as it is, trapped in suburbia. I want to be able to actually do things, anything. Anything other than just being around the house and / or work. (And I felt like this before the pandemic started.) If you live in the city you can walk out your door and be somewhere else within like 5 minutes. A city park, a cafe, a train/subway, a local attraction, a museum, an artist’s booth, an outdoor market, etc. etc. 

Living in suburbia is like, well, to go literally anywhere you have to get into your car first and drive like 10 minutes minimum to get out of the neighborhood, and then if you want to go anywhere that’s not the grocery store you have to drive 20 minutes to get to another area of town, and then once you get there that’s the only place you can be without getting into your car again and getting a nice shot of anxiety from having to drive in traffic and have aggressive drivers roar up on your ass because you’re going 5mph above the speed limit and they want to be going 15mph above, and god help you if you have to merge, and oh by the way this is your only option to get around because public transit doesn’t really exist in any useful way in Big Suburbia, and nothing in within walking distance of your house except like 2 playgrounds and maybe one (1) gas station. (I hate it here lmao)

If I was trapped in the country I’d probably be chill with it for about a week, and enjoy the break, and the on day 8 I’d snap and go on a murdering spree out of stir-craziness.

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? 

I want to learn German and eventually be fluent in it. But since I’ve already started trying to learn and I don’t know if that counts, I’ll say cinematography. As in the actual working of the camera and lighting and all that. I can dream up some pretty striking images but actually getting the camera to do the settings needed to capture them is another story entirely.

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? 

Nope. I drink coffee and tea both, and I don’t put any kind of sweetener in either of them. I used to put a shitton of sugar in my coffee and honey in my tea, and then I had some mild eating disorder struggles in college and I never got back in the habit of putting stuff in my hot drinks after that. It just tastes wrong now, after being used to plain black coffee.

5. What was your favourite book as a child? 

Either the Harry Potter series or The Hobbit. My grandma would take care of me a lot when I was really little because my parents both worked full time to support us, and every single time I was at her house she’d sit us down at the dining room table and read something to me. Not Junie B. Jones or anything, either, but real, big, thick books. I loved the shit out of Harry Potter and The Hobbit; I would request them repeatedly. We pretty much went back and forth; we’d read Harry Potter, and then The Hobbit, and then when a new Harry Potter book came out we’d read that, and then The Hobbit again, and so on and so forth.

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? 

Showers. I love baths, they’re magical, but ain’t nobody got time for that unless it’s a special occasion. I got too much shit to do to spend an hour lying in the bathtub.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? 

Vampire. Purely on the basis that if I was immortal maybe I’d finally have time to get my to-do list done and accomplish things. I’d miss the sunlight though.

8. Paper or electronic books? 

Paper. Here’s the thing, I really want to enjoy ebooks, but they just don’t hold my attention at all. Maybe I’m too conditioned by the internet to have a short attention span when I’m looking at a screen, idk.

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? 

I have a dark gray hoodie from the Seattle Aquarium from when I went on a road trip across America with my BFF a few years ago. It’s still my absolute favorite thing. I also enjoy my hiking boots a lot. (I wear them all the time, really they should just be called “everyday boots” haha)

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it?

I like my name and I would also like to start going by something different. Probably just because I’m a restless soul and I feel the best (and least trapped) when I’m on the move or when things are changing. The second I get somewhere I want to be somewhere else. That’s just how I am. Gwen is a cool name (I’ve personally met maybe 3 people in my whole life with the same name, face-to-face), but there’s a lot attached to that nickname that I don’t necessarily want to carry with me when I eventually escape my hometown and start down a new path.

11. Who is a mentor to you? 

A friend and former professor whom I usually refer to online as Producer Man. He’s a producer (as you may have guessed) who kind of took me under his wing after I was in one of his film classes in college. We work together on film projects now and he’s teaching me bit-by-bit (usually by way of long, rambling, tangential stories / lectures) about the industry. He’s a really good guy. Like, he for sure has a case of Old White Guy sometimes, but his heart is absolutely in the right place. “He’s a little confused, but he’s got the spirit.” He’s always leaving $10 tips at coffee places and working himself to the bone to get his students connected to jobs and internships that will help them with their careers. 

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? 

Yes, my stories. Actually, “famous” is not the right word. It’s just that fame is so tightly associated with success in our society. I want to be successful. Whether I’m widely known or not is pretty inconsequential to me. I want to make stories and I want them to have an impact. Books, film, etc. It’s about as simple as that.

13. Are you a restless sleeper? 

Oh yeah. I have trouble  sleeping as much as I should because I usually kind of jerk awake in the morning with this vague feeling that I forgot something or that I’m late for something. Also I stay up later than I should because I’m a night owl, and yet I like being up early because early mornings are great. And usually if I dream at all it’s something kind of stressful, like I dream that I forgot something important or did something wrong. I’m a Stressed Bean. 

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? 

I think so, yeah. I’m pretty obsessed with the idea of romance (I mean look at my OTPs), but heteronormativity got me fucked up enough that I’m bad at actually navigating real romantic feelings or relationships because society never prepared me for The Gay.

15. Which element best represents you? 

Fire, probably.

16. Who do you want to be closer to? 

My mom. We fight a lot and there tends to be a lot of tension between us. It’s a long complicated story. It boils down to, she really hurt me when I came out as not-straight at 15 and she lost all of my trust and even though she’s working on being less homophobic we’re still kind of trying to repair that divide seven years later.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? 

Dude, I miss everyone. I’m an introvert and I’d love to be at a big party right now. I miss socialization. (As does everyone.) 

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. 

The first time I experienced deja vu, I was about eehhh 6? And I legitimately believed, for several years of my life, that I had future-predicting abilities. Like, supernatural-level future-predicting abilities. Because I didn’t really know what deja vu was, so I thought, every time it happened, that I had already ~seen~ that moment in my dreams or something. 🤣

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? 

Hm. (My immature ass brain yells “DICK.” No, brain. Those were dark heteronormative times. Also, grow up.) 

Probably some of the sushi in Seattle. I actually love sushi, it’s just that when it has full-on legs and eyeballs I start getting a little squeamish. I like the rolls and the kind where there’s some fish meat laid out on a nice little bed of rice, that’s delicious. But when they brought out the whole shrimp with legs still attached, I was like “How in the (redacted) am I going to chew / swallow that.”

20. What are you most thankful for? 

That I happened to be living with family when this pandemic hit. I was supposed to move out (and across the country, actually) as of... like 4 days ago, as it happens. That was the plan. Plane ticket was gonna be booked for 7/15/20. Obviously, things didn’t quite work out that way, because of the pandemic and a few other reasons. But I can’t imagine if I had been in an apartment living with roommates, or in an apartment on my own struggling to get by, when this happened. A lot of people couldn’t pay rent and lost their homes. I was very, very lucky to be where I was, when I was, and very lucky that I have family who let me stay in their house pretty much indefinitely while this clusterfuck of a year happens.

21. Do you like spicy food? 

Yes! I looooove spicy thai food especially. I miss the massaman curry from a local Thai place so much 😭

22. Have you ever met someone famous? 

Um. Maybe? I met Veronica Roth once at an author talk in the library where I work, although it was before I worked there. And I met some guy from New Zealand who’s famous for his sword fighting skills because my dad does sword fighting stuff. Don’t remember his name though.

23. Do you keep a diary or journal? 

Yep. I have to write down everything or I forget. (I often say I have the memory of a goldfish.) Also, I have this compulsion to record and preserve my experiences in life, because I feel like our time on Earth is so fleeting and if I don’t write down what’s important to me, I’ll forget it and lose it.

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? 

Pen. Pencil gets smudged.

25. What is your star sign? 

Scorpio, which is ironic because they’re supposed to be ~hyper sexual~ I guess, and I’m like gray-ace or something in that zone.

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? 

Crunchy. Who eats soggy cereal? Are you okay? Do you need help? This is an intervention. 

27. What would you want your legacy to be? 

My stories. Life and sentience, as we experience it, is made up of just that: experience. And I read somewhere that, on some level, the human brain doesn’t differentiate that much between real life experiences and fictional experiences. I think that’s true. If you read or watch or hear the right story, it can really touch you and change the way you see life, or even change the way you live life. Stories have an incredible amount of power, both in individual people’s lives and in larger society. A huge amount of power. I want to be able to give people experiences that will Enrich Their Lives (do I sound like a lifestyle coach yet? 🤦🏼‍♀️), but also stories that actively do good in society. Positive representation, body positivity/neutrality, diversity, healthy relationships (Hollywood has a real problem with that). Hope. It’s the best thing I can think to give society, and storytelling is what I love to do.

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? 

I love reading. I wish I did it more. Part of my problem is that I get caught up in the hectic Rat Race of modern society and I never feel like I have time to sit down with a book for hours. Another problem of mine is that I start too many things at once, meaning I currently have like 5-10 (I lost count) books that I started reading, and I want to finish all of them, which means no progress ever gets done on any of them.

I last finished The Goldfinch, and I am currently working on The Secret History, Good Omens, Dune, a book my dad wrote, Directing Actors, Shot by Shot, The Way of Kings and I forget what else.

29. How do you show someone you love them? 

Physical affection, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, and gifts, in that order. If I’m close to someone, whether romantically or not, I want all the affection. And I’m kind of dying in quarantine. 

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? 

Depends. I usually don’t put any in, because it’s just gonna water down the drink and get in the way of drinking it (you know when the ice attacks your face?), but I don’t really mind ice in my drinks.

31. What are you afraid of? 

Helplessness. I Have Control Issues. ✌️ Also stagnation.

32. What is your favourite scent? 

Amber. Or any scent that’s kind of autumn-y. You know what I mean. Some other examples include dryer sheets, wood smoke, cigarette smoke (my big sister used to smoke a long long time ago, and although I never saw her do it, I still associate the scent with her), pine resin, rain, that Mahogany Woods scent from Bath and Bodyworks.

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? 

If they introduce themselves as Pam I call them Pam. If they introduce themselves as Mr. Brown I call them Mr. Brown.

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? 

 If “money is not a factor” means I have an infinite amount of money to spend as I wish, then: buy land, build film studio complex on land, found company, hire fellow creatives, make movies.

If “money is not a factor” just means that I don’t have to work 40 hours a week to afford rent, then: move to Chicago, rent a nice studio apartment, write stories, maybe work 15 hours a week at a used bookstore or coffee shop to get me out of the house and socialize. Go to museums, go to the park, walk along Lake Michigan, go to gay bars, ride the train, brave the Illinois winters, own a cat, paint, play guitar. Build my actual career on writing / storytelling. Probably also do some filmmaking.

Alternatively: buy an RV (not like an American Trailer Park shitty RV, I’m talking the NOICE ones), buy good film equipment, be a freelancer, live in RV driving around to wherever the next filming location is. Life is a road trip and I’m doing what I love. Writing, storytelling, filmmaking. My home would travel with me. Writing in cafes; roadside attractions; early mornings on the road with coffee in the cup holder as the sun comes up; being able to go anywhere to film; always experiencing something new.

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? 

I’ve lived in a landlocked state my whole life, so I guess swimming pools. And, listen, I CANNOT get water in my mouth at the beach without wondering exactly how many kids have peed (or worse) in that water. (I know that’s a thing with pools too, but pools get cleaned.)

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? 

Wonder what some poor European is doing in America right now. But if it was $50, I’d probably yell “DID ANYONE DROP THIS?” and then take it if no one speaks up.

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? 

A few times, yeah.

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? 

Grades are not the end-all-be-all. Skip some homework assignments to spend time with friends. Skip class sometimes. I’m serious. If you make school your top priority, even over your own personal life, you will come away with good grades and a lot of regret and missed opportunities. Learning is HELLA important, and very very little of it happens inside a school building. Get a 15 hour weekend or after-school job in high school, befriend your coworkers, and have fun with it. Use your paychecks however you want. Join a school club - one that you’re actually interested in. Do stupid shit. Light your textbooks on fire after graduation or go to the 24 hour Wendy’s at 2am with your friends or kiss that person you met at summer camp or sleep on the porch because it’s too hot to sleep inside. Be smart and safe, but follow your whims. If you let yourself fall into routine, apathy will poison you.

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? 

I already have a couple small ones, but the one I want next is a four-leaf clover. Don’t know where. Maybe my right inner wrist or maybe an ankle. Or like behind my ear. Luck has saved me so many times. (See above, with how I happened to be living with family when COVID hit.)

40. What can you hear now? 

Swamp cooler downstairs, the clock ticking in my office, cars outside, people moving around the house. I’m surprised the neighbor kids aren’t shrieking their absolute heads off as per the usual. 

41. Where do you feel the safest? 

When I’m alone and unobserved. 

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? 

TMI warning, but I absolutely despise public bathrooms. How am I expected to pee when there’s somebody sitting like three (3) feet away, with only a partial wall between us, hearing everything that’s going on? My fight or flight response simply will not allow it. It’s too awkward and therefore Not Safe. Either that public restroom has to be empty except for me, or it has to be so loud and bustling that ain’t nobody hearing anything. Anything in-between and I’m in hell.

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? 

The ‘80s. Let’s be honest, even that far back makes my life (as a woman, and as a gay person) hella difficult. But, consider this: it’s the ‘80s. Furthermore, consider this: a part-time job might have actually supported me and paid rent back then 😱 Holy fucking shit. Sign me up. I just wouldn’t want to go any further than than like 1980, because again: lesbian. Being a woman in the past = even harder than it is today, being gay in the past = even harder than it is today, being a gay woman in the past = oh no.

44. What is your most used emoji? 

In order of descending frequency:

😂🙄😊😁🤦🏼‍♀️👀😬🌈🤷🏼‍♀️😙

45. Describe yourself using one word. 

Creative

46. What do you regret the most?

Wasting my entire teenage experience. (See #38.) I did quite literally nothing with my life except homework for like 18 years. If I had taken even a tenth as much time for myself as I did for school, I would be so much farther along as a person today.

47. Last movie you saw? 

In the theaters? ........ uh. Shit, I don’t actually remember. It’s been like 5 months. (As it has for everyone.) But the last movie I watched was Lights Out, because I’ve been watching the director’s youtube channel. You could tell it was low-budget and that the director was still kind of finding his stride, but it had a lot of heart behind it and the creators clearly gave a fuck, which made it enjoyable. I am firmly in the camp of “not everything has to be a Magnum Opus or have a multi-billion dollar budget to be a good movie.” If I engaged with it and got some sort of emotional experience out of it, and if it had a good message, I consider it a good movie.

48. Last tv show you watched? 

I don’t usually watch a whole lot of TV shows (who has the time?) but I think the last thing I watched was either The Witcher or that new Unsolved Mysteries miniseries on Netflix. Oh and I was watching Dead to Me because I just love Linda Cardellini’s face and I want to wrap Judy up in a blanket and cuddle the shit out of her and protect her from all things 🥺 My precious beautiful unstable sweet murder baby.

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning. 

Apapanic. It’s where you’re so stressed about things that half of your brain is panicking but the other half is so overwhelmed that it circled all the way back around to being calm to the point of apathy, so you just kind of sit there like

#about me #tag game #except as usual i'm not gonna tag people because I don't have to social energy to ask people to do things #sorry i know that's kind of cheating #if you wanna overshare just say I tagged you lol #personal #tmi

[home-in-sunbeams]

rules: put your playlist on shuffle and write your favourite lyrics from the first 10 songs

i was tagged by @florenzied. Thank you! and I already love you  🥰 It’s still quarantine and I do love sharing things about myself so thank you for another challenge 💖

1. I tend to overshare every time that someone cares | Taped - Naaz

2.  Don't know what to do To prove I got this thing for you | I wanna dance (but I don’t know how) - Skaters

3.  If someone talked to you The way you do to you I'd put their teeth through Love yourself | Television - Idles 

4.  He ain't a man and sure as hell ain't honest | My Boy - Billie Eilish 

5.  But admit it, that you wanted me smaller If you would've let me grow, you could've kept my love | Gemini Feed - Banks

6.  Cause when you’re 24 and young and bored And don’t know who you are no more | No Hope - The Vaccines 

7.  But don't ask me what I think of you I might not give the answer that you want me to | Oh Well - Fleetwood Mac

8.  Don't give me no shit I'm a full grown man | Max Can’t Surf - FIDLAR

9.  Like any great love, it keeps you guessing Like any real love, it's ever-changing Like any true love, it drives you crazy | Welcome to New York - Taylor Swift

10.  Don't tell me anything I don't want to hear | Restless Year - Ezra Furman

I’m tagging @ifancythedoctor @kacsafarkuszender @emeraldst @tenderstems @softgrrl95

#no pressure if you don't want to do this #i just never know who to tag and you all are so cool :)

[belleofhell]

So @jake-marshall didn’t technically tag me but I’m doing this anyway bc I like talking about myself and movies I like. Here’s seven movies I consider to be comfort movies!

Peter Pan

I could really pick just about any animated Disney movie from up to the early 2000s and it would be a comfort movie for me. Anything from The Rescuers to Beauty and the Beast to Lilo and Stitch. But Peter Pan has got to be the comfiest for me ❤️ At the ripe old age of 4 Peter Pan was my first crush and my favorite game was to pretend to be Wendy and make my mom play every other character and I’d get mad when she didn’t have her lines memorized like I did lol. Wendy and Peter are just Peak Romance for me and I love them. I’d kind of like to write a book using the Peter Pan characters/universe and I’ve got some ideas but we’ll see if I ever get around to it lol. Fun fact! My tattoo was almost Peter Pan related but I switched to a rose instead.

How to Train Your Dragon

I’m trying to incorporate movies that came out when I was a variety of ages rather than just choosing a bunch of movies that came out before I was born even though it is SO tempting to do that. I think I was 11 or 12 when httyd came out? That was such a crazy time in my life and not everything was good but I remember the night I first saw this movie so well and at least for that night everything was good. I was with new friends on the roof of a car at a drive in. This is probably the first movie I saw with Charly, who I’m still friends with today. What’s not to love about this movie? The dragons! The characters! The story! Everything is wonderful! I also loved the other two movies and even kinda got involved in the fandom after the 2nd one but the 1st movie will always be the best.

Life of Pi

I’m such a nerd for animated moves and they’re by far my favorite but there’s a few live action movies I love and Life of Pi is one of them. Although I’m not really religious now, I grew up in a really religious family and somewhere around my teens I got really fed up with religious movies. They always seemed so fake and trying too hard to be inspirational. I first saw Life of Pi when it was assigned to us in a film studies class I was taking as a sophomore in college. And oh my god it’s how you do a religious movie right. This movie is stunning from start to finish and and heart wrenching in the best way. I guess it’s kinda weird to call a comfort movie heart wrenching but hey sometimes you need your heart to be wrenched.

My Hero Academia: Two Heroes

A couple years ago my brother introduced me to mha and we started watching it together. I didn’t really get into it until the 2nd season when things really started picking up and now it’s definitely one of my top favorite anime. Most of the time when my family goes to see movies we typically are all interested in the same movies so we all go together. When Two Heroes came out it was a really fun opportunity for just me and my brother to go out and see a movie. I love superhero stuff so much and this movie is just so much fun.

Harry Potter

I can’t really pick a single movie from the series since the whole thing is so comforting to me. This is turning into Oversharing Hour but it’s almost 5am as I’m writing this one so fuck it!! My sister was diagnosed with really really bad Multiple Sclerosis back when I was in high school. Most people can live a pretty normal life with MS but her’s is bad enough that she has to live in a nursing home and she’s pretty confused all the time. She loved Harry Potter and still does. I didn’t really get into Harry Potter until after she got sick, which is something I regret everyday, but seeing her smile when I give her Harry Potter socks or something equally silly makes me so happy. So when I watch a Harry Potter movie, not only do I get to enjoy a world and characters I absolutely love, but I get to feel a little closer to my sister too. ❤️

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

I love me some superhero shit and Spider-Man has been my fave superhero since I was a kid. Peter Parker is such a huge comfort character for me in any version. Marvel, Sony, comics, cartoons, whatever. You could probably call any Spider-Man movie a comfort movie for me but I decided to go with spider-verse bc it’s just so good. So, so good. It’s beautiful to look at and a wonderful story with such fun characters and I just love seeing Peter as a sad middle aged man.

Birds of Prey

I saw this movie in theaters three times. Three times. I love it so much. It has to be one of the craziest, funnest movies on the planet. I’m in love with every woman in this movie. I’m just hopelessly gay, really. I love antiheroes and I love ladies and I love creatively choreographed fight scenes and this movie has plenty of all of them. It’s great if you want to turn something on and not think for a while but it’s also great if you want to actually sit down and think hard about it bc there’s plenty to dissect if you feel like it. The protagonists are great, the antagonists are great, the aesthetic is great. Everything is great.

There we go! I think that’s seven! I tried to pick a large variety of different types of movies but I’m now realizing I picked a lot of superhero stuff lmao oh well. I guess that’s accurate to me. Superheroes and animation.

If you managed to read this massive wall of text all the way to the end congrats! And thanks for tuning in I guess lol. I tag anyone who happens to see this and feels like doing it!

#peter pan #httyd #life of pi #bnha #hp #spiderman #dc #sydney speaks #my post

[flowerpowell]

The Boy Next Door (Colt x MC / Logan x MC )

PART ONE

A/N: Here’s the first part of my new RoD series! It’s an AU so many, many details are changed and differ from canon. It is also loosely inspired by a book titled “Thoughtless” by SC Stephens (it’s really good and I’d recommend reading it!). If you’re wondering why you’re on the taglist, it’s because you probably even forgot asking me to put you on it 😅 If you wanted to be removed (or added), let me know! I hope you’ll like it, I’d love to hear your feedback! (Also, forgive me any mistakes, it’s been a while since I wrote anything and it’s really late and hsajdaa I promise next chapter will be better!)

Rating: PG-16 (I have no idea how to rate things)

Word count: 1820

Tagging: @brightpinkpeppercorn @confessionsofabrokegirl @akrenich @lovehugsandcandy @walkerduchess @zaffrenotes @long-gone-girl @going-down-downtown @choicesthot @umiumichan @withoutanyconfidence @desiree-0816 @emceesynonymroll @emichelle @hellomynameisdevi @client-327 @liamzigmichael4ever @badchoicesposts @choicesarehard @poor-bi-choices @pixel-thirsty @blackcatkita ♥

Ellie Wheeler was not a confident, outgoing and spontaneous person. On the contrary, she liked having a routine, some sort of anchor in her life. She always had a plan and wanted to stick to it. There was nothing crazy about it, graduate highschool, go to college, find a job. She already did the first part, now she was supposed to go to another state and move in with her boyfriend so she could attend the university of her dreams and he could find a better job. And then everything would be great, just how she had planned it. Except that it wasn’t. Logan had to stay in California because his boss needed him and Ellie had to move here alone. Well, almost alone.

Logan did a few calls and arranged her a room in his old friend’s house. Colt was just a few years older than Ellie and Logan but he already had his own place and apparently nothing against her moving in.

“Here we are,” Logan’s voice interrupted her thoughts and she looked through the car window. The house was unexpectably big, as for someone who lived alone. Ellie noticed the backyard and smiled at the thought of studying outside. Even though the perspective of being here all alone (and Colt still was a stranger) was freaking her out, she tried to keep calm and be optimistic. At least she didn’t have to pay a lot of money for renting a room; apparently Colt owned Logan a favor. She wanted to know more, what kind of favor and what he did but Logan said it was something from the past and it didn’t matter.

Cautiously studying the area, she walked up to the door. Logan leaned down and retrived the key from behind the flower pot. He opened the door and Ellie met with the saddest interior of the house she ever saw. The house was pretty much empty. No decorations, only the most important pieces of furniture. It looked as if no one even lived there.

“Your friend must be a fan of minimalism I see. I hope there’s a bed in my room at least,” she said to Logan who only smiled at her in response.

“He must be out somewhere. Probably will be back later. But I do know which room is yours so let me show you!” He took her suitcase and led her up the stairs to her new bedroom.

Taking in the empty space around, she had a pretty clear picture of what Colt would be like. She was thankful Logan would stay the first night here with her so she didn’t have to meet her new suitmate on her own.

“I’m going to miss you so much,” she pouted when they were finally in her bedroom, just as empty as the rest of the house, but at least with a bed and a closet in it.

“I’m gonna miss you, too, Ellie,” Logan turned to her and kissed her softly. When they parted, he looked at her sad face and shook his head. “You know how I wish I could stay here with you. Be with you on your first day of school. But I have a good job back at home and I–”

“No, I understand. I’m just bummed cause I thought we were going to live together and have our own little house.”

“There’s always next year, Ellie. I promise we’ll have our own house one day,” he kissed her forehead and they went back to unpacking. When she was all set, Logan showed her where the bathroom was and she took a shower, wondering how this whole Colt guy didn’t even have a mirror in his bathroom. Was this house a museum? Did he even spend time here? Well, I hope yes, cause I don’t want to live alone in this big house.

Colt still didn’t show up when they both went to sleep, Ellie’s head on Logan’s chest. She was trying to remember how his skin felt on her skin, remember his scent, so perfectly Logan, so perfectly home.

When she woke up, Logan was still asleep and quietly, she left the room to make breakfast. She noticed the door to the room next to hers was slighly open so she decided to take a quick peek inside. Nothing surprised her, however, because apart from a few shirts on the bed, some magazines on the table, the room was just as empty as hers.

Sighing, she left the room and headed downstairs. She really needed coffee. As she entered the kitchen, someone was already there. No, not just someone. It must be Colt.

“Hey! You must be Colt!” she started cheerfully, extending her hand for him to shake. He turned to her and eyed her up with amusement in his eyes but didn’t take her hand.

“Hey, stranger. Coffee?”

“Sorry! I’m Ellie! I’m Logan’s girlfriend! We arrived yesterday but you weren’t here! I hope it’s okay! Thanks for the coffee!” Why am I yelling? Why is my voice so… squeaky?

“Yea, I figured,” he chuckled and took a sip of his coffee.

“We took a room next to yours, I hope it’s okay, too! Logan is leaving today, he was here only for one night,” she tried to explain and he raised an eyebrow.

“Not like that!!! Don’t worry, we didn’t sleep together like this, we just slept, you know, with our eyes closed, and– oh my gosh,” Why am I so awkward!!!! Her cheeks reddened with embarrassment as she watched Colt with, was it smile on his face?

“It’s okay, I don’t care,” he said before placing his mug in the dishwasher.

“No, really, we decided to wait,” she added and wanted to facepalm herself the second she heard what came out of her mouth. Why am I telling him this!!!!

“I really don’t care, stranger.” He saw Logan entering the kitched and nodded towards him, “How do you stop your little girlfriend from talking to me about your sex life?”

“She what?!” Logan’s eyes widened as he turned towards Ellie.

“I’m sorry, I had a word vomit, I only said I wasn’t ready so we’re waiting because I didn’t want him to think we don’t know how to behave when I said we spent the night here and– Oh my gosh, I need to stop,” she covered her mouth with her hand and left the kitchen. Why do I have to be so awkward? Why, Ellie, why??

Logan joined her after a moment. “Are you sure you can stay here alone? Maybe I should just resign and–”

“No, I’m fine,” she snuggled closer to him and he put his hands around her waist. “I just hate meeting new people. I’m not really good at this.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” he kissed her hair and chuckled. “You really shared too much.”

She groaned, “Is it too late to find a new apartment?”

~~~~

The day passed more quickly than Ellie would want it to. After taking a long walk around the neighborhood with Logan, it was time for him to go. She was about to stay here alone, far away from home, from her family, her friends and now from her boyfriend too.

“I really wish you didn’t have to go,” Ellie sighed, handing a backpack to her boyfriend.

“Me too, love. Me too.” He stopped to kiss her and she put her arms around his neck.

“I promise I’ll be visiting you as often as I can! I have a few days off next week, I’ll visit you. And I’ll be here for our anniversary next month. You’re coming home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, so it shouldn’t be that bad!”

“Yeah, but not seeing you every single day sucks,” she pouted and Logan kissed her lips again.

“I promise it’s not gonna be that bad. Just focus on school and call me anytime you want, okay?”

She nodded and they kissed again before Logan got in the car and closed the door. When his car finally disappeared, she heard her phone ring. She smiled seeing a message from Logan.

“Miss you already, troublemaker xx”

~~~~

“Good morning! Coffee?” she greeted Colt who just entered the kitchen. He looked at her suspiciously but took the mug from her.

“Why are up so early? I thought your classes don’t start until ten,” he asked and she noticed how hoarse his voice sounded. He clearly just woke up, not only his voice indicated that but also his hair and his pajamas. Or rather the lack of it. He didn’t even bother to cover himself, he was wearing only his boxers and Ellie had to use all her willpower to look elsewhere.

“I couldn’t sleep, I’m so nervous I might throw up. Whoops, sorry, too much information, again,” she mentally facepalmed herself. Do I have any self control?

“S’okay, I think I already made peace with your oversharing tendencies,” he said and headed towards the living room. Ellie took her mug and followed him.

“What about you? Why are you up so early? What job do you have?” she wanted to get to know her new roomate a little but he only shot her an annoyed look.

“Are you investigating me?”

“No, sorry! I just thought since I already told you so much about myself so I thought–” “I didn’t ask you to tell me anything about yourself,” he interrupted her. “And there’s no need for me to tell you anything. We just live in the same house, we’re not friends or anything. You don’t have to talk to me.”

She wanted to say something but she was so taken aback by his coldness that she just stood there, watching him leave the room. Her phone brought her back to reality with a new message from Logan:

“Good morning! I love and miss you! Kick ass on your first day at uni xx”

She smiled but before she could type the reply, her phone rang again with another message from her boyfriend:

“Attaching a photo of me so you can’t say you didn’t see me today. Love you!”

Ellie quickly saved the picture and stared at it for longer than necessary. She missed Logan so much but that message comforted her. Even though she was alone in a different state, even though she was just about to start a new chapter of her life, and even though she was stuck with a human definition of pain in the ass, she knew she had Logan’s love and support and with that, she could survive anything.

With a bit more confidence, she marched into her room to pick a perfect outfit for the first day of the new chapter of her life.

#ride or die: a bad boy romance #ride or die: bad boy romance #colt kaneko #colt x mc #rod colt #colt kaneko x mc #rod logan #logan rod #logan x mc #choices #choices rod #playchoices #playchoices fanfic #idk if anyone is reading this #but i just wanted to say im sorry if it sucks #i can never write first chapters #and its really bad i know #im sorry #ill try to be better

[anastasiaskarsgard]

Destiny of the Damned

Part 1 - Meeting Roman

Chapter 3 - Zombie

"Why wouldn't you go on dates? They're fun. Even if you end up never speaking to the person again, how else are you going to embarrass yourself singing karaoke, or bowling, or playing putt putt golf, or laser tag?" I asked.

"I'm more interested in fast forwarding to the end of the date." He smiled and winked at me. "Besides, I don't think I've ever done any of those things you said... Ever"

"Whhhhhhaaaaattttttt? Shut your dirty whore mouth." I exclaimed wide eyed with my mouth hanging open.

"What? That stuff is too cheesy for me. I've got a lot on my plate, I don't have time for nonsense."

"When I grow up, I wanna be just like you." I say like a smart-ass, resting my chin in my palm as i lean on the center console "Ok change of plans. We are now going to this address." I keyed in the new information into the navigation.

"Is this like your favorite place?" he asks with a smirk.

"No, I've never gone, but I remember reading about it."

"So any address you ever see, you remember forever?" he asks incredulously.

"Yes. Anything I read or see, I remember. Not so much what I hear always."

He raised my hand to his pillow lips and gently kissed along my knuckles and across the back of my hand. He took my index finger into his mouth and gently sucked on it, turning his lustful gaze on me with such intensity, i could feel the heat in my core. I could see how he got his reputation, and Although it felt nice, I blurted out my first thought.

"I bet you made out with your hand when you were a kid huh? Like when you decided to practice?"

He froze and removed my finger from his mouth and turned to me rolling his eyes, "Don't you find me attractive?"

"Duh." I giggled.

"Duh?" He shook his head and dropped my hand putting both hands on the wheel and staring ahead with a sour look on his perfect face.

I stare at him as he continues to ignore me. Good fucking luck buddy. I got my phone out and opened my karaoke app. I turned the radio off and selected a song I figured everyone knew; "Zombie" by the Cranberries.

"Excuse me, I was listening to that." Roman said, flashing me an annoyed look, as he reached to turn his radio back on, but I karate chop his hand at the last moment, and he lets out a yelp in surprise.

"Hiya!" I shouted playfully. "We are going to sing karaoke on the way and get that off your bucket list."

"I wasn't aware that was on my list." He said icily, staring straight ahead again looking even meaner.

"Brrrr. It's so cold in here... must be you." I take my seat belt off and lean across the center console and breath hot breath on his throat and then lick all the way up to his ear, and then gently kiss his cheek. He visibly melts and lets out a low growl and pulls over. As soon as the suv was in park, he picks me up completely and sets me in his lap before crushing my lips with a frantic kiss. I could feel him getting aroused since I was in his lap, and I pull away to look at him, both of us already out of breath. We lock eyes and he opens his mouth to speak, but thinks better of what it was he was going to say and just returns my gaze with a half smile playing across his lips. I search his face, taking in the Gorgeous green color of his eyes, his pillow soft lips, The little line in the middle of his nose, the hardly noticeable scar on his cheek, his severe cheekbones, the way his face looked almost perfectly symmetrical. He was so beautiful. What the hell do I have to lose here?

"What are you thinking about?" He asks as I lean in to kiss him again.

"How someone so beautiful, can be so lonely." I say against hi lips without thinking. As soon as it comes out, I want to slap myself.

"Who said I was lonely?" He says almost shyly. 

I meet his eyes and tenderly kiss him. I place my hands on each cheek and nibble on his bottom lip ending in a drawn out smooch. I open my eyes and he is staring at me thoughtfully. I nuzzle my nose against his cheek and I feel him relaxing, before he snaps to attention, glring at me suspiciously. 

"Tell me What.You. Want. From. Me."He commanded. His eyes never leaving my own, his intense gaze willing me to tell him what he wants to know. I don't think he knows what it's like to hear no. I try to think of the answer to his question, because I am just as curious what the answer is. finally I think I have the answer. 

"I want you Roman. And I want you to want me. But not the easy way" I said pressing my hand down on his stiff erection. "I want it from here." I placed my hand on his heart and placed his hand on mine.

He looked a little nervous, and broke our eye contact and looked out the window. He chuckles uncomfortably shaking his head, "If you knew me, the real me... you wouldn't say such a thing. I'm ugly and I'm incapable of love. Giving it or receiving it."

My heart broke for him. What could be his reason for saying such a thing? People don't say stuff like that for nothing. This boy had some deep issues and some serious baggage. i let out a big sigh, as  I crawled back over into my seat.

"I should take you back." He said, not making eye contact.

"I'll fucking climb through your doggy door if you try to escape me now." I teased.

He smiles in spite of himself and turns to me with his eyebrow cocked, "I don't have a doggy door."

"It's easy enough to make one." I say seriously as he searches my face for something. 

"Great you're a psycho," He laughs. He was trying not to smile but he couldn't help it. He tried a few times to go back to his brooding mean mug, but then hed glance over at me, and break out into a smile again. "I like you a lot. You're crazy." He leaned over to kiss me gently on my lips, running his fingers into my hair, before pulling away, and turning on the car. "Now let's try this again shall we?"

He truly was breathtaking when he smiled. It was then I decided I wasn't going to be cautious or hold back. I was just going to give 100% and hope for the best. Worst case scenario; i get to have a night with Roman Godfrey, Best case, well I wasnt sure what the best case was but i bet there was a Pinterest or two dedicated to it. 

"You remind me of her so much. Your attitude and free spirited carefree nonsense..." He said wistfully.

"Letha?" I asked.

He nodded slowly.

"She must of been a fucking legend," I joked."Time to sing fool!" I howled.

"You really don't forget do you?".

"um, nope. I'll go first, and you can see how I do it and then, we will switch, and you sing while I drive, and so on and so forth."

"What makes you think I'll let you drive my car?"

"Because I can afford to replace it and you don't give a shit about material possessions anyway." i huff.

He laughed and agreed.

"Prepare to be entertained!" I belt out "Zombie" like i  was on stage performing for thousands. I knew I was an excellent singer and I wanted to impress him and it was clear i Had.

 "Could you sing one more song for me?"

"Sure. What song you wanna hear?" i asked excited he liked my singing.

"Geri by Super Humanoids."

"Oh I like that song." I found the song and started to sing. I decided to use two voices for the man and the woman singer. I sounded kinda silly but I had good range and could do high notes as easily as very low notes. It was actually a challenge sounding so ridiculous and we both laughed and laughed when the song ended.

"Switch." I yelled.

He sighed dramatically, but he pulled over. I jumped out my side and he stepped out walking around the front of the car. Just as we were about to pass each other, I grabbed Roman by his blazer and pushed him against the grill kissing him hungrily. He was all for it and switched positions with me pressing me against the large Mercedes symbol. I reached for his belt buckle and looked at him for permission.

"Wow really?" He hissed mischievously.

"I'm giving you 100%, I'm not being afraid of you, I'm trusting you." I looked up at him innocently. "Can we try that?"

"I don't know beautiful. I've never done that, and we hardly know each other, and you don't want to try that with me." He said looking everywhere but my eyes.

"Yes I do." I stated. "Don't be a pussy, what are you afraid of?"

He looked down at me, still hesitant but with a sparkle in his eye. "I'm terrified of you."

"wow. honesty. youre turn. ask me anything!"

"Tell me your darkest secret... " it was an order, but he wasn't trying to compel me. This was sincere curiosity on his part.

"wow you don't fuck around! Well the date might be over when i tell you, but here goes.' why this question I scream in my head, before blurting out, "I killed my parents, I'm not sorry, and if given the chance, I'd do it again." Shit. That was a bit of an overshare. I could of left out the last half.

Romans eyes grew wide and his eyebrows shot up as he took a few steps back from me. "Fuck baby, you don't gotta tell me why, but did they deserve it?"

"Yes." I said without hesitation. My heart sank as he looked at me strangely, unreadable to me.

"That's so fucking hot." He closed the gap between us and pulled me over to the passenger side of the car, seating me on the seat, facing him as he stood between my legs. His kisses were so fevered and desperate. It's like he was starving and I was the only cure to his hunger. He stripped my shirt off and whimpered when he saw my breasts in my sexiest lace bra that only covers less than half my breasts, and at 36D, that's quite an eyefull. He slipped my nipple into his mouth, circling each nipple several times before sucking on them hard and then lapping at them back and forth at a feverish pace. He pulled my panties off, but left my jean skirt on, and plunged his fingers inside my soaking wet core, using his thumb to rub circles on my clit.

I reached down and unbuckled his belt and pants, freeing the biggest penis I had ever seen. It was more girthy then usual and quite long. No wonder he was so arrogant. "Let me suck your cock please." i stated. I have an admitted oral fixation, and quite enjoy wrapping my lips around a nice cock. theres something about making a man melt, and be putty in your hands, that gets me excited. 

"Yes mam." Roman said breathing heavily and groaning as I run my hand up and down his shaft. He backed up and I got on my knees assessing his cock. My god IT IS EVEN BEAUTIFUL! How is he so perfect? I opened my mouth as wide as I could and barely fit it inside. I had no gag reflex, but even with that advantage, I could only handle a little over half of the total cock in my mouth. I used my hands to work the rest of it, making sure to play with his balls and look up at him now and then. 

He moaned "oh baby, You're so fucking good at that. I swear baby, you are the fucking best blowjob ever and that's saying a lot." He was breathing heavily and watching every thing I did with great interest. "Can I fuck your little pussy now please? Cars keep passing and totally know what we are up to, so we need to hurry, but first I need to bury my cock deep inside of you."

I stood up, wiping drool from my chin, and bent over the seat, offering Roman to take me from behind, but he flipped me around crushing me with his lips as he shoved his cock deep inside me. I couldn't help but to cry out. I'd never felt so full, it was amazing. Anyone that ever says size doesn't matter, is a fucking liar. If I hadn't been so wet, it may have been an issue, but luckily I was embarrassingly dripping.

"I want to see your face as I fuck you, is this ok?" roman moans kissing me deeply again.  "Why do I feel so fucking attached to you like I'm in fucking love with you? What have you done to me angel?" He whimpers as my breath hitches and i nod that I am ok, so he picks up the pace and I scream out his name.

"Harder Roman! It hurts so fucking good. Fucking break me baby,I'm gonna cum, don't you dare fucking stop." I held on to him as I felt my orgasm building up to near spilling over when I felt his teeth sink into my shoulder causing my release to hit me like a tidal wave and I bite him back, Digging my teeth in his collar bone, tasting his blood splash into my mouth.

"Where do I cum?" He asks frantically, peering into my eyes, pupils blown out, looking fucked out and helpless.

"Back up." I ordered. He did so and I got on my knees and opened my mouth as He shoved his cock down my throat and convulsed, shooting his load down my throat. I get up and he grabs my face smiling.

"Baby you look so fucking crazy. You bit the shit out of me." He says pulling me to the rear view mirror, to see the blood and drool all over my face. 

I grabbed some napkins out of the glove box and poured the remainder of my water on it, so I could clean off my face. I did the best I could and got in the driver seat. I looked over at Roman and he had this dopey look on his face. "You okay?" I asked.

"I think I'm smitten." He said dreamily. "That was so fucking hot, I will go play fucking mini golf or fucking bingo or wherever the fuck you want,I don't give a shit. I want to make you happy."

I looked over expecting a joking demeanor but there was none. He was serious. I was right about him, he just needed someone to love him most. He needed to be the boss and in control and to feel special and I was going to give him that.

"You've got me 100% Roman. Now choose a song. Don't think I forgot!"

"Do we get to do that every time we switch because if so, I'm gonna have a fucking marathon karaoke session up in this motherfucker." he said with a twinkle in his eye. 

I genuinely laughed with him, intoxicated by this strange feeling we were feeling. Happiness and attachment, were no friends of mine but for once i wasnt afraid,which was insane! If there was ever a boy to be afraid of, he was it, but not tome. To me, he was just perfect.

#bill skarsgard #billy skarsgard #roman godfrey #hemlock grove #bill fanfiction #meeting roman #roman godfrey fanfiction

[neonwizardheehee]

50 Q’s tag :O

tagged by the loevly @owowookies. so here i go~

1.  what takes up too much of your time? SNS ofc ahahaha

 2. what makes you day better? pictures of Jin

 3. what’s the best thing that happened to you today? i worked out after breakfast

 4. what fictional place would you like to go?  Rivendell no doubt

 5. are you good at giving advice? well if you want some gandalf or the dove keeper quotes as advice I’m your girl B)

 6. do you have any mental illness?  prob not, but i have mental issues and i want to see a therapist soon bc my disease fucks with my had and my wife has been saying i should see one for some years.... 

 7. have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?  not that i know of..?

 8. what musician inspired you the most?  gerard way -> robert smith -> leeteuk -> heechul -> j-hope 

 9. have you ever fallen in love?

 10. what’s your dream date? never thought about that? but prob a planetarium...

 11. what do others notice about you? my fluffy hair

 12. what is the annoying habit you have?  oversharing and spamming everyone with content they dont even like :PP

 13. do you still talk to you first love?

 14. how many ex’s do you have? 

 15. how many songs are on your playlist?  271

 16. what instruments can you play?  acoustic guitar q.q

 17. who do you have the most pictures of? gerard, from my hard-stand phase - so glad that is over by now 

 18. where would you like to go before you die? Japan!

 19. what is your zodiac? taurus

 20. do you relate to it?  i am faithful but not really down to earth i guess??? also i dont like rosé :P

 21. what is happiness to you? having no regrets and loads of smiling

 22. are you going through anything right now? yeah which issue do you mean? mental? body image? food relationship? self-acceptance? moving soon? new semester? no financial stabillity? career struggles? self-hatred? ahahahahaha

23. what’s the worst decision you’ve ever made?  canÄt say that bc i believe that bad decisions bring the best aftermaths :D

 25. what’s your opinion on abortion?  haven’t really thought about it to to form an opinion 

26. do you keep a bucket list?  not one for LIFE but i do have a shitton of different lists~

 27. do you have a favourite album at the moment? Three Imaginary Boys - The Cure

 28. what do you want for your birthday?  queen greatest hits vinyl :P

 29. what are most peoples first impression of you? i’m weird and cute?

 30. what age do you seem according to most people?  #forever young and smol

 31. where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? nightstand ~

 32. what word do you say the most?  oh MAN

 33. what’s the oldest age you would date? souls don’t have ages

34. what’s the youngest age you would date? again souls don’t have ages (The Dove Keeper folks)

 35. what job/career do most people say would suit you? something creative, like a crazy theater lady

 36. what’s your favourite music genre?  epic rock numbers

 37. if you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? scotland but bc of teh brexit prob japan

 38. what is your current favourite song? Shadow - Taemin

 39. how long have you had this blog for? longer than i can think of

 40. what are you excited for? coming home T_T

 41. are you a better talker or listener? talker definetly (not that im a good one b ut i love talking)

 42. what is the last productive thing you did? made an important phone call i put off for a week

 43. what do you want for christmas? Queen greatest hits II vinyl :P

 44. what class do you get the best grades in? iconography FOLKS B)

 45. on a scale from 1-10, how are you feeling right now? 6 bc ive wasted so much worktime while answering this :P 

 46. what can you see yourself doing in 10 years? GIRL, THAT’S TOO TOUGH I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’LL BE DOING NEXT YEAR

 47. when did you get your first heartbreak?

  48. at what age do you want to get married?  it would be nice before 40, otherwise i marry my wife officially but no stress :P

 49. what career did you want to have as a child?  politician

 50. what do you crave right now? to dance and have loads and loads of cheese fml

soo @vipelf814 if you’re down for it ;)))) this took so freaking long oh man

also #sorrynotsorry for all the what is love-twice gifs but yeah.... shit is too accurate :/

#me

[smellycinnamonthundahfudge]

tumblr fweinds

a year ago, i was tagged by @suplosers on two questionnaires and it is only now, a year later that i was able to answer em. i’m so sorry it took me this long but yah i’m just glad to get thru dis milestone, answering the first tumblr get to know ya post i was @ at... yaayyy ^^

rules: answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people.

I tag: tbd haha i still have to dig thru meh notifs to see which ones apparently took an interest in me so i’d like to take an interest in as well haha but oh @you-guys--are-losers, ur doing this whahaha hope it’s not too much of a bother, no presh watsoever ;3

the last

1. drink: ughh it's dis shitty stuff called hydrite w/c is basically salt water cus im sick rn and it's supposed to rehydrate ur shts or something hahaha

but dat was like a week ago... as of da moment i posted dis, it’s coffee from mini stop dat i drank at like 530 in da morn while i waited until i could enter the school cus i had to commute 3 hours w/ lil to none sleep

2. phone call: my father or one of my best friends

3. text message: the last one i texted was my sister and the last one i got a text from was dis org in school about the location for recruitment/auditions/interview

4. song you listened to: billy jean by michael jackson and i listened to it for meh tomdaya fic hahaha. But i also listened to halo by beyonce, untouchable and dress by taylor swift, and some other songs magmt mentions in her tomdaya fic hehe a week ago

rn, a metal cover of toxic by our last night

5. time you cried: haha i don't actually remember the context of it (i could find out tho haha cus i sent da pic to my best friend) but i took a pic of it while i did it which was on... july 16 hahaha. Oh but w8 oh sht i think i cried after that fudge w8 i don't remember the date (i think i can find this out too hahaha) but i wrote a sortof goodbye confessions letter to one of my dear friends and i wrote there that i externally cried (b4 i just said internally haha) so i'm not entirely sure i cried but i think im pretty sure i teared up hehe

6. dated someone twice: hahaha i haven't even had a legit love interest yet 😆😂 buuutt my best friend and i have "dated" as in spent entire days together w/ just the two of us, we even went to mcdonalds for valentine's day and got each other gifts hihihi aahhh gosh i miss her :'(

7. kissed someone and regretted it: haha im not even sure if dis happened and i have no plans on asking her about it but i remember when i was a kiddo, when my sis came home for some reason i kissed her on the lips hahaha dont remember if accidental or i just brain farted heck i aint even sure if it happened but das all i can answer cus well like i said, see #6 😆😂😆😂

8. been cheated on: hhmmm probs not, i have no idea if ive been cheated on in an unromantic way hahaha but in da romantic way, like i said, no love interest hahaha

Oh w8 does being someone's crush (i aint sure but it seemed like it) and crushing on dat dude but dat dude crushing on someone else too count as cheating? 😆😂😆😂

9. lost someone special: yes, all of my grandparents are dead. I've also lost pets, and i fear i may lose some of my friends due to the distance among us in this time of our lives

10. been depressed: i always wanna be careful over how to define depression. Like wat constitutes it... but yes, i think i have. Not sure, mind you, but yes, at the beginning of gr 7 i was really alone, i think i was bullied and i think i was depressed and going thru a really dark phase of my life back then. But then again, i have to say, i'm not sure.

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: hahaha nope. I'm looking forward to getting drunk tho. Im currently underage so im not allowed to drink dat much yet but yeah i wanna know my limits hehehe i hope im da kinda gurl who can handle her liquor but i have drank and i have to say it made me all loopy and weird and just like woke or high or something hahaha so yeah man im excited to get trashed on my 18th bday hahaha (hopefully i get to do this tho huhuhu)

3 favourite colours

12. Pink

13. Blue

14. Gray

in the last year have you

15. made new friends: yyeeesssss and i'm so glad i have hihi. I have made friends w/ a select group of my blockmates and they're awesome and weird, i hope to strengthen our bond in da future hehe. Ooohhh and i sure hope that you guys are losers is my friend cus she's been rlly great :')

16. fallen out of love: i guess the closest i've come to falling out of love in a romantic way is moving on from da heavy crushin on meh crush. But i dunno, i still think he's a unicorn n pretty special to me so i dunno hahaha.

But bro, i do think i have fallen out of love. With tv shows, with characters. Like i used to be so passionate about a few shows and characters but now all i have towards them is regret heck i cant even remember wat dey are but i know dat der was love lost. I know it.

17. laughed until you cried: hahaha yaasss i think so. It's either when i was with my best dearest friends or during the class of dis really cool and funny as heck joker teacher who makes us laugh in EVERY SINGLE CLASS hahaha ahhh das guy's so cool

18. found out someone was talking about you: oohh yah yah i think so. Either from my best friends or from a few of my old classmates i care about and had gotten close with. Da best friend ones was about something in my past/history (g7) and the classmates one i think was just dem talking about me and they told me about it ooohhh i think it was my crush hahahaha. They told me dat my crush actually admired me a lot hehe. There was one time my friend (the one who told me about dis) was putting make up on me for a school film, and my crush was da cam guy and he told my friend i looked pretty. Sooo im pretty lucky dat- oh sht w8 i dunno if it's dis year but oh w8 no, it was on my bday last year (dec 20) and da same friend said she was sorry cus apparently da bois make fun of me or something and she was sorry cus she laughed along too hahaha but i didnt mind cus i know im weird and i dont even know what dey say about me in da first place hahahaha. Ok das it im done, i think ive overshared now hahaha 😆😂😆😂

19. met someone who changed you: my best friends. Ive thought about it based on wat sup losers said about change for da better and i dont rlly think of change as something dat happens quick, i think it happens over time and u dont even notice it. So ok oh sht i think im wrong cus i met my best friends 4/6 years ago hahaha but for reals tho, i was in a dark place and if it werent for dem i think id still be lost lonely and sad. Uuhhmmm in regards to answering the question correctly, i guess my blockmates count since they inspire/challenge me to be better. OH SHT W8 i def think you guys are losers and dead end street and tomdaya receipts and tout de suite have changed me hehehe. Da first 2 in dat dey inspired me to write more hehe. Da 1st one inspired me to do this so i think this counts as change hehe. And da last 2 changed me in dat bcus i met dem, i became OBSESSED w/ tomdaya hahaha.

20. found out who your friends are: yes, i have actually. And it's all because i am now currently a college freshman as well as my friends.

21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: hahaha my fam i guess hahaha. But no one in a romantic context.

general

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: hhmmm i guess id say about 200 since i know 4 sections of around 40 ppl and da rest is like fam and ppl ive met once/twice or have passed by haha

23. do you have any pets: yaaaassss 3 doggos: albie, juju, and biggie girl. Juju has a pupper named tchalla called dat cus he black hehehe and biggie has 2 biglets named mermer (meredith) and crissy (cristina) cus they're sisters 😍😊😊

My fam have also had a buncha dogs n puppers before but they were either given away or passed away. My bro also has dis cat named bob and i think he counts as a semi pet since my bro's home is a fam home.

24. do you want to change your name: uuhhh i wish i had an alliterative name like superheroes. Buutt im pretty happy w/ my name :')

25. what did you do for your last birthday: oohhhh i think i was at my section's christmas party it was pretty nice n emotional and i spent da rest of da day w/ 2 of meh best friends who bought me cake n food when my own fam didn't 😆😂😆😂

26. what time did you wake up: 4 am to shit cus im sick, but fell asleep again and officially got up around 730 or 8ish

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: haha tryna stay awake cus i had to drink meh meds and failed oh so much and i think i was asleep by midnight hahaha

28. name something you can’t wait for: tomdaya content, chatting/being w/ my best friends, watching da stuff i wanna watch, tumblring, reading sht i wanna read, vacation, writing fanfics, learning how to do a buncha stuff (write screenplays, make films n gifs, draw better), my bday when i hopefully get to do wat i want haha, avengers 4 and smffh, and captain marvel and antman and the wasp too i guess haha oh and the incredibles 2 and httyd 3 😍😍😍 oohhh and crazy rich asians

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: on monday which was when i was at home and not at my dad's n sis' n i's apartment in manila for school/work

31. what are you listening to right now: commercials on da tv as i answer this long ass questionnaire hahaha

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: hahaha i had to think about dis one but yah i have actually haha he was my gr 8 class mate n i like to think semi friend back den at least haha. Oh w8 but he doesn't go by tom tho, it's just thomas haha

33. something that is getting on your nerves: myself hahaha my shitty lazy ass procrastinating self hahaha 😅🙍

34. most visited website: fb specifically messenger, youtube, and tumblr

35. hair colour: hmmm black w/ a bit of brown i guess (ASIAN, YO! 😆😂😆😂)

36. long or short hair: neither, medium i guess haha. I like how long hair looks but it's such a bother n hassle haha. So i def would prefer short hair on a practical standpoint hahaha (im actually thinking of shaving the hair above my nape, yknow on da back of my head hehe)

37. do you have a crush on someone: well i dont have dat much of a crush on da crush i mentioned before, like i said haha. I have a crush on tomdaya, does dat count? 😆😂

38. what do you like about yourself: hahahaha nothing 😆😂😆😂🙍

Naahh uhhh i guess i like how much i love tv shows, i love meh fangirl self, and i like how diff n unique n weird i am, how i stand out, n dat i think my dreams are noble n worth tryin out. N i like how supportive n nice i am n im just chill on da outside haha. N sometimes i like meh face hehe. And i think dat im hilarious n weird n ppl should appreciate me more hahaha das y i crave for more validation dan consulting researchers hahaha (no one laughs at dat jokes and it's like im da only one who finds it funny and come on, man, i managed to make a research joke. Cant ya give a girl a break?)

n i guess sometimes it's good how much i care but sometimes i wish my feels could just chill for just like a minute pls

Thanks, man. I usually just focus on meh bad qualities so thanks for dis question, man :')

oh and i like dat i can swim hehe

39. piercings: i have holes on my ears for earrings but i don't really wear dem

40. blood type: a, i think?

41. nickname: sam, sab, and i rlly want to be called smells cus it's like a more me version of mels from melody hahaha

42. relationship status: single, yo. Oh w8 but i am married to my bed and fandoms so dey always come first. Plus i love my friends 😍😊

43. zodiac: sagittarius i think but i dont rlly know/care about zodiac sht. Tho it's nice if it does match up hehe

44. pronouns: uhhh i dont know wat to put here but i assume dis refers to wat i wish to be referred by ssoooo she, her, and a genderless pronoun in my language siya

45. favourite tv show: ughh i cant choose. Friends, grey's anatomy, phineas and ferb, avatar: the last airbender, black mirror, doctor who, and all of michael schur's stuff, and modern family, grimm, person of interest, pushing daisies, scrubs, happy endings, forever, how i met your mother, gravity falls, sherlock, and yknow wat? Yah, supernatural too and the httyd shows and suits :') oooohhh w8 and how to get away w/ murder and i guess big bang theory as well 😃 the end of the fucking world, legends of tomorrow, crazy ex-girlfriend, the good place, timeless but it’s kinda depressing so speaking of w/c game of thrones and west world and a series of unfortunate events and stranger things and scorpion and lost in space and for anime, let’s go with yakitate japan and boku no hero academia

46. tattoos: none, but i rlly want one and even have a list of tattoos i want (pretty minimalist), i just have to think of da perf place tho (both where to put it and where to get it) and find out if i can still donate meh bod if i have tattoos, but one of da ones i rlly want is smileys on meh fingers hehe

47. right or left handed: right, but my ma says im kinda ambidextrous n i kinda wish i could develop it hehe

48. surgery: haha nope, never. But in terms of an interest, i love grey's anatomy 😆😂

50. sport: ooohh my main sport is swimming cus my siblings are all swimmers so i am too. But i have played other sports for school like badminton, table tennis, volleyball, some water game i dont remember haha, and a combat sport in my country called arnis

51. vacation: christmas vacay and i cant wait huhu

52. pair of trainers: uhhh are trainers rubber shoes? I have a couple, i guess.

GENERAL

53. eating: my dad (who cooked our meal), sis, and i ate afritada (chicken dat's tomatoey basically) for dinner

54. drinking: just water, but ugh i have to drink da hydrite sht again 😑😒

55. I’m about to: finish dis questionnaire n fall asleep haha

56. waiting for: sleep n happiness

57. want: to sleep n write n tumblr n watch n read n for all my problems to disappear

58. get married: yeahhh... but i think it's highly unlikely, man. So i aint counting on it but i do want it to happen, it seems nice having someone to spend da rest of your life with :')

59. career: hahaha i'm still just a college student, just a newly minted freshman actually. But i like to consider myself a fulltime fangirl hahaha

WHICH IS BETTER

60. hugs or kisses: well, i havent rlly made out with anyone yet so im gonna have to say hugs i guess w/c ofc i love haha but i wish someone bigger than me could cuddle me for once in my life 😢

61. lips or eyes: lips cus they just seem so soft and sensual hehe. Plus i dunno man, eyes are kinda gross with muta (da sht in da corner of ur eyes when you wake up, it's a filipino word) and sht. And ya have to wear glasses/contacts if dey weak so it's just such a hassle. Tho i do recognize their importance n stuff 😊

62. shorter or taller: ugh TALLER. im a pretty tall gal so for once id like to be da lil spoon for once, for someone to be able to carry me and ya know all dat jazz. But i wouldnt give up my height for anything, makes me feel confident and better than everyone else mwuehehehehehehe

63. older or younger: uuuhhh for now i think it's a bit weird to date someone younger dan me, but for me personally, wat age i'd like to be, YOUNGER ALL DA WAY. it was just way less stressful and innocent back den, id give anything to go back 🙍

64. nice arms or nice stomach: haha nice arms if it means i can swing around them and they can carry me whahaha. But i do like em abs, i wanna feel wat abs feel like just once in my life hahaha

65. hookup or relationship: ooohhh i guess i fancy myself having a relationship for now hehe. Havent even had one yet haha.

66. troublemaker or hesitant: i am a hesitant troublemaker whahahahaha. Like i have all these ideas of thangs to do n sometimes i do dem but sometimes da situation n context scares me into not doing it like a wuss hahaha

HAVE YOU EVER:

67. kissed a stranger: haha nope.

68. drank hard liquor: haha nope but am looking forward to it hehe

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: thankfully i havent needed any yet whew

70. turned someone down: uhhh i guess the closest i came to "turning someone down" was being awkward around my crush haha but to be fair i think he was awkward too hahaha. And in an unromantic sense, i turned down a blockmate who offered to be my partner in an assignment becus i already had a partner hahahaha 😅

71. sex on the first date: haha havent experienced it if das wat ur askin. Maybe imma be dat kinda person after ive had a couple of relationships but for now i'll settle for someone actually being interested in me hahaha

73. had your heart broken: yes, by tv shows, and by da crappiness of life in general 🙇

74. been arrested: hahahaha nope but dat would be CRAZY hahaha

75. cried when someone died: yes, whether in real life or in tv shows, i have cried bcus of death 😢

76. fallen for a friend: look, man, my best friend's probably the most important person in my life who i couldnt bear to lose. I love her more dan anything in da world so i dunno if our friendship is something more dan da "typical" best friends i just know dat i love her n dat i dont wanna lose her n dat our bond's nothing like any other relationship ive ever had

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

77. yourself: hahahaha not rlly 😅 im pretty unreliable tbh and i make tons of mistakes and ill never be enough ever and just in general hate myself and have 0 self esteem hahaha 😅😅😅😓

But there's a chance i could improve tho, a very very VERY small tiny chance... but i guess i'll take wat i can get :/

78. miracles: hhmmm not in da way most ppl think about miracles in dat, it's da impossible event. I like to think it's a miracle that i have the family dat i have, da friends dat i have, and da life dat i have cus honestly i think i'd be dead w/o em. It's a fucking miracle i have things im passionate about and things that i love and im surrounded by ppl who i love and who love me as well. So yeah, i guess i believe in those kinds of miracles :')

79. love at first sight: hahaha not rlly. Look, man, im a fat girl who doesnt rlly care dat much about looks so unless a person manages to fall for someone while dat someone was doing something dat was a huge indicator of their personality and thus it's not only da appearance dat da person "fell in love w/", den i rlly dont believe in love at first sight. It's just infatuation, bruh. Love at first sight is cheap and u dont rlly know any thing about dat person other than the fact that they're pretty (why they caught ur eye in da 1st place imo) and nothin, zilch. Unless, like i said, they were doing something important to dem n indicative of deir personality. But even then, it wouldnt be love. Like i said, it'd be infatuation cus imo love is deep and takes time and cant just HAPPEN just cus u looked at someone and thought he/she was pretty 😒. True love would mean knowing dat person to deir bone but wanting to know more about dem. So to conclude a ted talk from a bitter person w/ a non existent love life 😆😂😂😂, love at first sight doesnt exist, is cheap, and is discriminatory to "ugly" ppl.

80. santa claus: hahaha i know he probs doesnt exist and is u know basically just capitalism n marketing hahaha. But i dunno, man, i kinda wanna believe he exists just cus it's more fun n childlike n innocent 😍

81. kiss on the first date: hahaha yeah i guess so but i think i probs would have had to known dat person for a while before we decided to date. I havent had a first kiss yet sooo i aint just willin to give dat out to someone i just met/knew for like a day or something hahaha (i have no idea how dating works) 😆😂😆😂😆😂

82. angels: huh... i like to think guardian angels exist cus dat means there are like angels of pure light sent down from heaven to protect us from any harm w/c is just nice to think about, yknow? Hehe. But angels in da catholic sense... i dont think i do, bruh. Sorry :/ *shrugs*

OTHER:

84. eye colour: uuhhhh brown, i guess? Like i said, i dont rlly care much for eyes hahaha 😅 ooohh but da purple eyes thang ive seen on da internet sounds cool hahaha

85. favourite movie: aaaahhhhh there's just so many good movies thoo

But agghh fine. Ive come to notice dat my genre's pretty lighthearted w/c is nice actually hehe

Spider-Man: Homecoming, Rogue One, 10 Things I Hate About You, Moana, Coco, Mulan, Avengers: Infinity War, White Chicks cus it's just so goddamn funny and iconic 😆😂😆😂😍, i'm not- ok you know wat, da Pixar movies in general ok? I mean, how can ya not? Oh which reminds me, Tangled, and The Princess and The Frog, oohh The Avengers is also a pretty solid movie, ooohhh Love, Simon, godhs dat was just such a wholesome sweet n nice movie :'), oh and den i freaking love the Scream franchise, man. It's so good :'), oooohhh w8 maybe The Dark Knight cus heath ledger was just da fuking bomb in dat movie, oohh and About Time's da sweetest time travel movie :') w/c reminds me dat the Back to the Future franchise was just such a classic, man :') oh and yknow wat? Unbreakable's actually pretty fucking cool, man. I get shyamalan know haha. Oh and yknow wat? 100 Tula Para Kay Stella is da 1st filipino film i actually liked so it has a special place in meh heart :')

ooohhh and Black Panther, man, gods how can one not bring up Da King™? WAKANDA FOREVER :') 😄

Oh and hey yknow wat? I have a sweet spot for the Sorcerer's Apprentice. It's kinda a guilty pleasure of mine hehe 😅

Whiicchh reminds me... the HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON FRANCHISE HAS GOT MY HART WHIPPED 😭😭😭

Oh and i also rlly like when harry met sally hihi :') and i guess the OG Star Wars trilogy's got a special place in my heart even if it is da way dat it is now 😢 :')

oh and i can't forget meh guardians :') Guardians of The Galaxy is such a solid film, bro. I loved it :') ooohhh and yknow wat? I actually rlly like Ready Player One, Baby Driver, and The Mummy (the brendan frasier one, who ya kiddin 😑)

oh and yknow wat? The Wedding Singer, 50 First Dates, and Music & Lyrics has got a special place in my heart, man. Gotta admit it :')

aawww and amelie, and begin again, and flipped and hercules, and room, and spotlight, and shape of water, and ladybird, and the princess bride, and the iron giant, and the lobster, and we're the millers, and what if and man up and shrek and kimi no na wa and a quiet place and inception and the lion king and to all the boys I’ve loved before and oooh tim burton movies are pretty cool, the animated ones, and I did spend a good amount of time obsessed w/ dis one so I guess cap civil war, and then big hero 6 and wreck it ralph, and the martian and inside out, and gone girl, and the lion king and forrest gump and spider-man 1 and 2, and les miserables and the devil wears prada and the book of life and the intern and the princess diaries and miss congeniality and aladdin and confessions of a shopaholic

And ok, ok, i think im done. Hahaha das it das my list of meh all time fav movies and i feel like rewatching all of em now hahaha 😍

#jazzessments