#other than being fucking depressed

[that-disabled-princess]

I remember seeing a post about how being aromantic is akin to being allergic to corn, and like... yeah. Being romance-repulsed, loveless, and aplatonic in addition to being aromantic is like being allergic to olives and corn. And also their common substitutes. Olive oil and cornstarch are used in everything. There is no escape.

You tell someone you can't have a food because olive oil was used, and it's "oh, but surely you aren't allergic to olive oil! That's not a real thing."

You can't have a food because there's cornstarch in it and it's, "oh, but it's such a small amount of corn, surely you'll be fine. I know you can't have corn, but a tiny amount of cornstarch?"

You tell someone that, actually, you are also allergic to a common substitute, and it's "so you just can't eat at all? that's so sad!" or "then what CAN you eat? it's so sad you have such a dislike for food."

"Surely, you aren't actually repulsed by romance! That's so sad! And also, you made that up!"

"I know you're aromantic, but you can't actually be uncomfortable with people using the word 'love' as a blanket for emotions, can you?"

"So you don't feel love for your friends AT ALL? You just don't feel AT ALL? How sad!"

It's exhausting.

#i'm so sick of being told my very self is depressing #like fuck off tIfFaNy *i don't care* #i am living my best life #like yes tiffany i AM repulsed by romance and uncomfortable with overly romantic things #i AM uncomfortable with people automatically using ''love'' as a blanket word to describe my emotions and the emotions of those around me #saw a post that was like ''your friends love you more than you know and love you just as much as you love them'' and now i'm venting #sigh #also i don't like the word ''friend'' being used for me unless... well i don't actually know the ''unless'' #all i know is there are a couple people i'm really close to who i'm comfortable with using the word ''friend'' with #and most others are friendly acquaintances /pos #aromantic #loveless aro #amatonormativity #romance repulsed #aplatonic

[themostefficientwaywithwater]

people who hate on nemona because she's "too yandere" and "doesn't take a no for an answer" make me wonder if they actually payed attention to her dialogues or only read those joke comics about her being obsessed with the player and always craving violence and said "yeah this is her personality now". or just hate women.

#''she's too yandere!'' you don't know what yandere means then #''she doesn't accept a no for an answer!'' she repeatedly accepts you refusing to battle her through the whole game #she just gets insistent when you say you don't passed the league test #(because she truly believed you were so strong you would pass easily) #and when you tell her you don't want to be rivals (she though you liked battling her and wanted a friend to share her passion with) #''she's so weird!'' my brother in arceus this is pokémon EVERYBODY is weird as fuck #''she only talks about battling!'' and arven almost always talk about food and kieran always talked about ogerpon in kitakami #but i've seen nobody complaining about these two #wonder why #and nemona talks about other thinks beside battling! #she has Lore (TM) too #she has health issues despite her trying to shrug them off #she lived in a very rigid upper-class family where she's implied to have felt repressed #her own family pays more attention to her sister because she's going to be the heir of their corporation leaving nemona neglected #she doesn't have friends because her passion to pokémon battles alineates her from her classmates #if she defeats you in your first battle she gets depressed and says sorry because she believes she scared you away from being her friend #she's such a complex character but her background is more subtle than with arven or penny (and locked behind the postgame) #it saddens me that she's flanderized by literally everyone (even gamefreak/tpc in sv's epilogue) #pokemon #ramblings

[chepib3]

dick, jason and tim have all had depressive episodes so i think they would at least be able to look at the other with compassion when they recognize that they are Not doing so good. even if they don't always react in the best way or if they can't help they would understand because they have all been there. so the narrative that some people like to push that only ONE of them is miserable while the others don't even care never sat right with me

#jason is currently depressed imo #he never stopped being depressed since he came back lmao #dick had a depressive episode when he was like 12 #and it kind of had a lot to do with bruce #soo #when tim was going crazy and shutting everyone down because of the Bruce is Alive thing #i think dick would have been able to say something more than “i've found u a therapist 😊” #it would have been interesting if he had tried to have a deeper conversation with tim #even if he wouldnt have succeeded and tim wouldnt have listend to him anyways #i just want them to be able to recognize each others pain #like tim wouldnt give much of a fuck about jasons depression imo #but he would be able to say I recognize those patterns #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #dc comics

[grimalkinmessor]

Okay I'm not usually a fan of Light and Kira being separate egos in the same body BUT I will make an exception ONLY if they switch places the same way the Enchantress switches places with June Moone

#death note #yagami light #kira #kira being light just more monstrous just scratches something very nice in my brain #light is slightly more timid than usual; or maybe just more depressed??? #idk i like to think they'd have a very codependent relationship because you still cant have one without the other #like light fucked around with a magical artifact and split himself into two personalities #his ruthlessness and his morals :3 #rather than him just bekng possessed by an evil entity or some shit #that transition is COOL AS HELL THO #I WANNA SEE A LIGHT/KIRA VERSION #light yagami #the enchantress #june moone

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Charlotte Bronte: I had not seen "Pride and Prejudice," till I read that sentence of yours, and then I got the book. And what did I find? An accurate daguerreotyped portrait of a common-place face; a carefully fenced, highly cultivated garden, with neat borders and delicate flowers; but no glance of a bright, vivid physiognomy, no open country, no fresh air, no blue hill, no bonny beck.

Me: *stares in familial and institutional abuse, Mr. Rochester's general ambience, chaining a secret wife in the attic, nearly getting bullied into marrying a cousin you don't even like, and ableist tropes*

Also Me (pointing at Mr. Darcy): I want that one.

#Girld did you READ your own book??? #Amazingly Rochester is less bad than Heathcliff #Charlotte Bronte bitched about other people's work being depressing then handed in the most depressing fucked up draft of the whole class #jane eyre #pride and prejudice #charlotte bronte #jane austen #author beefs

[sunsetzer]

As a certified FF6 enjoyer I really loved the attention the characters got in OO so much. I think maybe the writers had a soft spot for a few games in particular and 6 was definitely one of them. They really captured the charming spirit of the Returners, and they were also multi-dimensional in characterization as well, which they absolutely could have been lazy with for a mobile gacha game. I think there was a lot of love put into it and I can't imagine how the team feels having the game axed before the story got a chance to finish. :(

#im like speedrunning the stages of grief bc im too depressed to be angry for more than like a day #now im just sad lol #the devs are probably upset too and seeing all of us upset isnt helping i imagine #i played through unshakable conviction like... four times lmao #loved how this game gave us more insight on what these characters were like #setzer and the other pilots fighting over who got to drive the airship #edgar and the other machinists/engineers talking mechanical jargon #and also being very politically savvy and shrewd when dealing with characters like vayne #terra hugging mog ;; precious #i loved that locke and noctis and noel became a trio lmao it works so well #and the returners getting to reunite with leo!!! #and sabins lost chapter where they think hes a bear lmfao #and then he goes on about wanting to support edgar at the ending and hhhhh #dffoo really was good fucking food for ff6 fans #ff6 #final fantasy vi #final fantasy 6 #ffvi #dffoo #dissidia final fantasy #dissidia opera omnia

[pepprs]

my depression is getting really really bad. like it’s been bad before but this is like… consistently really bad. like a long unending stretch for several weeks (and tbh months) now. to the point where no inoculation actually sticks (and im isolating myself from most of my inoculations anyway and feel unable to stop doing it even though i know it’s self destructive). im either helplessly unbearably miserable or numbing out on video games. i just don’t feel like it’s going to get better for me and i KNOW that is factually untrue but the feeling is louder than the knowledge and it’s just utterly immobilizing. ive been sinking in quicksand for 2 years.

#purrs #longer than that too ofc but i think ever since i moved to campus in 2021 and shit started hitting the fan my life just started snowballing #and picked up speed majorly when i moved back home and ive been stuck in this horrible limbo ever since. like im scaring myself with how #deeply profoundly unhappy and unwell i am. i am just detached and scattered and bewildered by everything. and the only way to break free is #to fight it but i don’t even have the strength. like in order to fight it i have to have the strength and it s exactly the thing that is #being stolen from me. and i work really really hard to suppress it when im around people so no one can tell but on the inside im being eaten #alive and every day that goes on the pain gets harder to bear except im numb most of the time so i can’t tell except for when i can #one of the things that makes me saddest is ive pushed everyone away either by ghosting them or scaring them. when what i want and need the #most is love and comfort. but then when i get it it isn’t enough. idk. im not explaining it well i just feel like. horrible. unbearably #i think i need to go on meds like i truly cannot go on like this not even in a s*i cidal way it’s like i just can’t take living like this #delete later #i know im causing the people who love me pain by being unable to accept that they do love me and that’s the worst fucking part. is hurting #people by being like this. scaring people by being like this. and being so disconnected from myself #and feeling completely and utterly beyond help like nothing ive tried has fixed it but also there are a lot of things i haven’t tried but i #feel so terrible or my freedom is limited so i can’t. idk. #also the crushing knowledge / sense that i have lost the most precious important years of my life both bc of the lockdown and bc of mental #illness lol. except that’s not true bc of all the stuff abt how your best years are always ahead of you and you can make them. but it doesnt #feel like it for me and then i beat myself up bc my job is literally to exude that belief and help other ppl feel it and i increasingly cant #i remember in high school having the thought that one day i could be depressed and being conscious that i wasn’t and now i look back on that #and am like… how. and will i ever not be. i don’t think so. it just feels unending

[appsa]

The first episodes of succession are so sad to me because like. U can tell how much shiv used to appreciate toms presence at first because he was the only person who had her back when she was with her own family and she'd regularly defend him when they bullied him for being a lame kissass (even if she privately agreed)

#bro its so depressing esp when its intentionally contrasted w rava who genuinely loved kendall 😭 #rava just straight up saying his family is fucked for the way they treat him #vs tom being excited to call them His family even tho hes been seeing the same shit w shiv....... #el em ay oh. it is so sad fr #esp cause rava probably had no reason to go and comfort kendall other than that she was worried #succession #anyway. shiv was right to oppress tom i support womens wrongs

[exp123mon]

Gonna steadily (re)post art in bulk fried in Glaze.

#myart #original character #character design #now my tantrum is finished i will post stuff lol #seriously though it was bad timing my mental health has been shit since my mum died in january and i was gonna do something this month sinc #its ovarian cancer awareness month and thats what she died from #was gonna open kofi to take donations for doodles to give to charity but the tumblr ai thing was just another huge turd #from the universe in the cereal bowl of my life #“um actually instead of you being productive how about fuck you :)” - the universe whenever i try to do literally anything #anyway these tags are making me seem very mentally stable so maybe i will stop hehehe #but seriously don't be concerned i just need to vent somewhere. i actually feel i turned a corner this week with the grief but. ugh. #a shit shower is still a shit shower even if you manage to find an umbrella yknow #on the bright side i subbed to sheezy art and i'm really impressed with it so far #well if you read this far thanks for reading. sorry for being depressing. take care of yourselves and each other!! #dang i needed this vent more than i realised lol #rant

[atalana]

having one of those nights where i'm just. extremely frustrated about fatphobia's existence and the fact that whatever i do to try and change it will be a drop in the ocean and there'll always be people who think i'm just saying this because i'm lazy

#and by night i mean its 5am but shhhhh #what sucks is i was actually building my acting confidence back up quite a bit with my delirium stuff #and i still do wanna do more of that! #but i got reminded that regardless of how good an actor i am i don't meet the 'must be this skinny to have emotions' bar #so i could only ever play her over the internet where people can't see my body #which is especially dumb bc she has like 60% of a physical form at best and yet its always a skinny one #and like i love sandman but it has a fatphobia problem. and the show has not exactly rectified it #kinda wanna draw despair skinny and the other endless not to turn the whole depression = overweight thing on its head #bc hell depression also = underweight and frankly i'd rather have no fat characters at all than her be the only one #but i fear that would get misconstrued and i don't wanna bring down that kinda hate on my head #and like i know i can't change what i look like i've tried i gotta be happy with this eventually #but i see no difference between comic despair and myself in the mirror #and sometimes it makes me feel like im two minutes away from growing tusks #so whoooooo oversharing on the internet #just. i wanna punch something but the something is society so unfortunately that's not really possible #okay to rb if you want i give zero fucks about this being shared im just keeping it in the tags bc that's polite

[talentforlying]

LET ME ASSIGN YOU AN AESTHETIC WORD.

CAFUNÉ. cafuné means running your fingers through someone's- perhaps a lover, hair. it's such an intimate, affectionate way of showing love. if you got this result, you're a romantic at heart; very sweet, delicate, precious wandering soul. aren't you scared of your heart being too big for your body? somehow, you remind me of that pretty coral pink that bleeds into a soft indigo when the sun is slowly setting.

what i'd like to tell you is that we can't save everyone, and that's okay. you're doing your best, and it's enough.

tagged by: @danversiism!! <3 tagging: you!!

#there's literally a post at the top of my drafts Right Now talking about how much of a romantic he actually is #under all the sarcasm and bullshit he's a genuine fucking softie. he Craves love. he gives it away freely. #cafuné specifically makes me think of when he first got back together with kit ryan #and one of the first things they did as a couple was stay in bed together for 3 days. didn't leave the flat #just had nothing more important in the world than being with each other and that's how he is in MOST relationships motherfuckers!!! #justice league dark's womanizing dickhead has rotted people's brains!! commitment issues my ass this man WANTS to settle down!!!! #anyway. VERY passionate about this if you can't already tell #( character study. ) A WALKING PLAGUE OF A MAN. #( dash games. ) ALRIGHT YOU OVERGROWN LARPERS! HERE! #idk it's always 'wrecked-looking husk of a man' THIS and 'wall-licking little cryptid' THAT and 'where's that gif of matt ryan in leather' #NAH MAN. bring me the guy who spent almost a full fucking day at the shops trying to find kit the perfect christmas present!! #bring me the guy who took a depressed god out to share a coffee bc the god just looked Too Fucking Sad to leave alone!! #bring me the guy who started singing the beatles in the bar & got everyone else to join in just bc someone seemed to need a leg up!! #where is the man who took abby arcane out dancing!! tucked her in!! bought her breakfast in the morning!! all because she seemed lonely!! #that's this motherfucker!!!!!! #and yeah he is ALSO a wrecked-looking husk of a cryptid who ROCKS a bit of leather but that other guy is still in there too!!!!! #idk. IDK. i feel many things about constantine's softness always being cut away by the sharp edges of his tongue and his suffering #40th birthday party constantine lives rent-free in my skull forever and you can never take him away from me

[marley-manson]

I think writing fic is mostly making stuff up, even the most canon compliant fic is technically made up and therefore not canon in the traditional sense. And with that logic all fic is made up, and I release you to go wild in your fanfic writing dreams.

Yeah like I definitely agree, it's all just a case of degrees of separation from canon - unless you're writing for the show you're not writing truly canon fic, and even some of the show writers kinda fail at canon compliance lmao.

But tbf different people have different limits for how far they'll go and in what circumstances, and we all have our different preferences in terms of canon compliance (and our own different interpretations of canon to comply to, for that matter. Like straight Hawkeye is technically more canon compliant in terms of creator intent lol but you won't catch me reading anything where Hawkeye is straight.)

So yeah, everyone should definitely write whatever fic they want regardless of canon! But I do have my own personal limits in terms of what lines I want to cross, what's more flexible vs what I can't change without losing interest, even if it's in service to an otherwise interesting scenario.

Like to put my preferences another way, I would be more inclined to write magical AU dubcon featuring a love potion or smthn as a way to facilitate trainwreck Hawk/BJ/Peg, than I would, say, write Hawkeye agreeing to that triad because he's naive enough to think it's actually a good idea, or he loves BJ so much that he'll accept an unbalanced relationship, or he doesn't think he deserves better, etc. That's not My Hawkeye.

(Actually tbf the one non-AU way I think it could work is leaning into Hawkeye quitting his career post-canon in passive giving-up-on-everything depression, maybe his dad dying to make it even worse, and BJ innocently taking advantage, believing he's taking care of him and helping Hawkeye recover when really he's just emotionally manipulating him into becoming his second wife and giving up on his career forever.)

(Or maybe if Hawkeye lost his license...? Alcoholism, or being outed could do it easily. I feel like that could destroy him enough that he'd just cling to anything anyone offered. At least for a while.)

#the problem there however is that passive depressed hawkeye sounds boring as hell to write lol #also a little too dark at least for this particular scenario. i want dumb relationship mistakes that blow up more than misery ever after #text post #marley on mash #like what i really want is bj proposing the triad thing and hawk and peg both being on board and bj being unable to handle it #and i just don't see hawkeye not going in knowing it'll either be a bj has 2 faithful wives situation which i don't think he'd be ok with #or bj is lying about being able to handle hawkeye and peg either fucking each other or others on the side #unfortunately hawkeye is pretty emotionally intelligent #he's optimistic but not blind. i mean mmmmmmaybe bj just makes a very convincing case? maybe? hmmm #maybe that AND his dad just died or he broke up with someone so he wants to make a change and start fresh... #lmao ty for bringing this up again anon and making me think more about it #at the very least i now have more weird beejhawk ideas

[honeysunchild]

It really hurts when it feels like a friend you considered family gives up on you and the relationship

Like, we could have talked about it, we could have found a solution together, we were each others family remember?! But instead you chose to just give up and cut me out

#and in like #about five messages too! #that were pretty accusatory #like apologizing peofusely bc youre afraid that karma wikl fuck u up for hurting le #doesnt really make up for accusing me of what you did #there are so many more compassionate ways you could have said that! #I'm so so sorry but you suck and i can't take it anymore goodbye #WTF #is this the goodbye seven years of friendship is worth?? #we went through thick and thin #and yeah i have not been too well lately and i was pretty depressed two years ago #you asked me to share my problems with you and when i do i am too much and you drop me like hot metal instead of talking about it? #and that goodbye was so rushed it felt like i was chasing her just to get a little closure #you said you would always be there #even with our lives being so different I still believed it was possible #and you kept ignoring me! #i shared good stuff too and you didn't even respond! you said you were too busy and didn't make time for me #so when I stop sharing that good things happen to me too bc I'm frustrated with being ignored all the time you say I'm toxic for only #and drop me? instead of having a talk about it or taking a break? #like #i thought we were each others family but it seems like I was the more loyal one who cared the most and got burned yet again #is it so hard to talk and try to adjust? #i thought we were the real ones for each other yanno but clearly thing were different for you with all your toxic ass family and all your #jobs and friends #she's always had more than me #doesn't mean I'm alone tho #i have friend who can talk to me and try to adjust and fix the relationship and is a true loyal friend #it's not the end of my world that you're gone #even if you were a big part of it #how can I loose when I was so loyal and true and honest

[bittwitchy]

see the reality is i post on my rps usually when nobodys been there a bit and nobody is probably online, but the mental illness in me keeps saying its bc everyone secretly hates me and i dont deserve love, and when i tell a gov doctor that, they basically just say ‘take your antidepressant’s and shut up’ which is also funny when said gov doctor wont refill my fucking antidepressants in the first place

#what i need is smthn for my anxiety and PROBABLY the obviously worsening ocd #but anxiety meds and antidepressants dont mix well #just like adhd meds and anything else dont mix well #which is why i just have a redbull if i need to focus bx it works for a few hours and then i pass out #which isnt healthy but its better than going through the diagnosis process AGAIN bc they dont have my info anymore #its early sad times rn w brina who hasnt gotten an ounce of treatment at all hi #see the other thing is #if i talk about my mental health at all #people will either hate me for being annoying which is what my brain will pinpoint #or feel sorry for me which i also dont want #all i rly wanna do is vent but thats never really an option at all #like yes i know its not normal to want to have a breakdown and cry bc your fucking pillow isnt the correct fluff and wont dluff #i know its not normal to feel like you should die because something wasnt in fhe spot you put it in and was moved slightly #im aware. and the reality is nobody who can do anything about it cares #i have to get an authorization to see a therapist or get meds at all even tho the card claims i dont have to #and the doc tbey gave me wont give me one #they dont allow email so i cant leave a paper trail when bitching at them and my calls go ignored #im losing my mind steadily #and thats not even onto the physical problems #but also the sheer fucking audacity of the website being all ‘oh just go to ERs and UC snd we’ll cover it’ vs hospitals specifically saying #‘we will refuse you if you have Gov Ins unless you have the money to pay out of pocket #if youre on gov insurance you dont have fucking money thats the entire fucking point. you creedy fucknuts go shove tour nepotism in your #fucking eyes and die if anyone doesnt deserve to fuck its you fuckfaces #sometimes i just want to scream esp when this doesnt seem to be most other ppls issues #but then i talk to other women and it is #it just doesnt make sense and i hate it #but i never rly got help on private insurance either so #tbd #depression cw

[thedevotionaltour]

thinking about daredevil yellow again im not. going to make it Guys.

#static.soundz #crying screaming and hitting the ground. so good. it made me cry really bad #bc whenever i think about jack n matt it always makes me think of me n my dad for various reasons #when matt said i couldnt feel his heartbeat inside me anymore. no words. #i rambled about it on my main but dd is very much intwined in an interesting and special way with my own heavy grief about my dad #and matt was a very important character to me during that time of my life for the exact same reason. #it's why i take a lot of very heavy issue when things try to make it so his dad died in his childhood as opposed to college #bc a) think it takes away a lot of the important nature of their relationship and b) my own personal projection #bc all grief at any stage is highly personal and unique and particular #but it really does feel like. matt is really just starting to become an adult (depending whether he dies when matt's in under or post grad) #(bc i can never remember which) but he's not quite a mega established one. there's still that lingering of childhood #so even though he's grown. it just hurts in a very particular way. they saw you grow up. but they didnt really see you become an adult. #they did not see the person you're going to be. that you are. that you're becoming. it feels like such a bizarre unfair moment in time. #bc why now? why not when i was younger? why not when i was truly an adult adult who is expecting to lose you now? #why at this moment and no other time? #but thinking about matt going i wish i told my dad how much i loved him. #more than anything when he goes 'i love you dad. did you hear? i love you.' #it made me cry like a fucking bitch. honest to god tearing up when i type about it. it wrenches my heart it twists it and it makes me wanna #drop to my knees and just weep and weep and weep. they are everything to me. #i have intertwined a lot of matt's grief with mine in a way that makes him so so so important to me. because as stupid as it fucking sounds #that comic and him as a character are everything to me. so genuinely. they were a lifeline my freshman year #when i was so depressed all i could do was read comics. or listen to music #i could do nothing else. i did. clearly. i did work and assignments. but dd was everything to me alongside dm #im sorry i am being an actual like nutbag in my tags im sorry i just have a lot of feelings. this story is everything to me ever ok? ok.

[alexjcrowley]

New dad lore unlocked, what the fuck do you mean your friend knew Luca di Montezemolo so you did a test drive with a Ferrari once

#begging my dad to stop being so much cooler than me #me: I get into f1 #dad: Have I ever told you about that time I drove a Ferrari on Circuito di Fiorano #f1 #formula 1 #ferrari #luca di montezemolo #I guess #my dad if I ever became religious: Have I told you about that time I met God #me at 21: maybe vroom vroom cars can bring me out of depression #my dad at (almost) 60: oh yes minor anectodote I met the guy Niki Lauda won two championship with #I can't stress enough how this is so fucking unreal my family does not come even close to the kind of money LdM makes #We are NOT the kind of people who would casually hang with a millionaire #Also I genuinely believe my dad's friend must have been sketchy to know LdM #I also feel like I can never read my two eye anymore like even the tag of an ao3 fic with Luca di Montezemolo #'Luca di Montezemolo/Niki Lauda' you mean my dad's friend's friend????????? #now I feel like I have a weird distant relationship with this guy #like I know I don't know him and maybe it's my problem that I think of old formula 1 people like that #but I sort of divorce mentally from the fact that old formula 1 grid are actual people they're like distant characters from a complex #mythology #and now I feel like if I was a paesant in ancient Greece and my dad just told me he partied with Dionysius once #does it make sense #rip LdM I don't feel comfortable watching your pictures from the 70s thinking slay twink anymore #I will miss saying you have American Next Top Model hips #do you think it's ethically correct to objectify some twink from the 70s if your dad met him #I know he is still alive now and he's old and stuff I don't care there ard two Luce di Montezemolo in my head one is the one still alive #and I don't give a fuck about him the other is still photogtaph from the 70s and gives me gender envy