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rabbitsrants · 2 months

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Could you tell me what's your opinion about kogoro,like you always appear like you hate kogoro that's why I wanted to know (whenever you mention him you tell that unbothered fuckin father) wanna know your opinion please answer my ask

fun question!

I LOVE KOGORO

with that being said, i have a very nuanced opinion on him

do i think he's a good detective, husband or father? NO, absolutely not. i don't even think he's a good guardian in regards to conan lol

kogoro can be very self-absorbed, impatient and superficial. his alcoholism and gambling addiction strain every aspect of his life, but kogoro doesn't seem to care enough to change

a few examples:

chapter 1

chapter 370

LIKE??? SHE HAS TO STUDY FOR HER MOCK EXAMS AND KOGORO CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO GIVE A FUCK LOL

initially, i blamed his attitude on his lack of success as a detective. but he shows signs of being irresponsible in his youth as well, despite working for the police:

chapter 572

even after shinichi saves kogoro's career and introduces him to a lot of fame, kogoro shows no willingness to change. he's chronically self-indulgent:

chapter 853

on top of that, the rare times that ran asks him to do something for her, he acts like it's a complete burden:

chapter 528

ran asks him to watch eri's cat while she's in school and kogoro tries to pass the responsibility on to conan

speaking of conan, kogoro repeatedly gets violent with him when he's investigating alongside him

chapter 12

the reason why it appears like i hate him is because my posts are mainly about shinran and interestingly enough, gosho decided to write kogoro as shinichi's polar opposite in a lot of ways. which he even admits in his own writing:

chapter 163

it's evidently a writing choice that gosho decided to go for on purpose. and i think that's fucking brilliant. think about it: ran growing up with an irresponsible, unreliable dad who often prioritizes drinking and gambling over his own daughter? and that same girl falling in love with a guy who's incredibly dependable, attentive, selfless and everything her father is not? IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

so whenever i analyze certain shinran moments, it becomes glaringly obvious to me that shinichi often acts like an anti-kogoro, so to speak.

examples i already mentioned in my acts of service post: kogoro refusing to help ran - shinichi stepping up as a result in chapter 457 and 716.

additional examples:

chapter 192

kogoro drops off ran at this weird, isolated mansion for a meeting that sonoko arranged with a bunch of strangers online and he feels off about the whole thing and i'm like YES LOVE THAT, SHOWING GREAT PARENTAL INSTINCTS

he even warns one of the guys and i'm like YEAH YOU'RE BEING A GOOD DAD, LETS GO KOGORO

naturally, shinichi feels weird about the situation as well, so he insists on staying with his girl, even though it's already been discussed that he's too sick:

so, despite the fact that a) kogoro feels like something is odd about the meeting, b) he warns the guy to leave ran tf alone... HE STILL LEAVES HER AT THE MANSION UNPROTECTED

and i'm like... WHY????? and gosho immediately answers my question:

LIKE????????????????????? talk about bad parenting lol

anyway, turns out something about the meeting was indeed off and ran is potentially in danger. both shin and kogoro lose their shit:

but there's a key difference between kogoro and shinichi and i feel like gosho wrote this difference on purpose - nothing, and i mean absolutely NOTHING will ever stop shinichi from trying to keep ran safe:

ONE MORE EXAMPLE

chapter 347-349

the case barely even begins and shinichi immediately observes that ran isn't feeling well:

he even tries to convince her to ditch dinner and go back home:

when shit starts hitting the fan and ran is getting incredibly dizzy, kogoro doesn't even notice:

again, maybe i'm reading too much into it, but i think the fact that gosho depicts kogoro's ignorance in this situation is 100% by design and as a result shinichi gets to be the anti-kogoro again:

throughout the whole case shinichi worries about ran and tries to take care of her. which is very impressive considering that ran constantly tries to downplay her symptoms:

examples like this occur way too often for me to write them off as a coincidence. we're clearly dealing with a pattern. how could i not point that out in my analysis? especially when shinichi's unwavering loyalty towards ran is something that she gushes about constantly?

with all that being said, just because i regurarly point out kogoro's flaws as a dad, doesn't mean i hate him. it's just that i aim to reach a full, comprehensive conclusion with every analysis i write and that entails important details like the glaring differences between shinichi and kogoro regarding their treatment of ran.

i still adore kogoro. cause like i said, there's nuance. i feel like there's a lot of hidden depth behind kogoro's character that i wish gosho explored more:

he's smarter than people think

chapter 11

HE'S THE FIRST PERSON TO QUESTION CONAN'S REAL IDENTITY, EVEN BEFORE RAN:

chapter 165

to everyone's suprise, kogoro deducts that eri lost her wedding ring and he goes out of his way to find it for her:

there are more examples of him showing decent detective skills during certain cases but this post is already long enough lol so i'm not getting into that

he can be very idealistic

chapter 86

him holding an old and dear friend accountable for murdering someone:

chapter 376

him doing the same again with a childhood friend:

HE HAS HIS MOMENTS, OKAY?!

chapter 266

I LOVE IT when kogoro shows his vulnerable side, i find it so heartwarming:

chapter 986

OR HIS BADASS SIDE (this is him protecting eri from a guy who's about to sexually assault her)

WHAT A KING

and even though i shit on his parenting a lot he can be very endearing at times! examples:

chapter 207

his reaction to ran dreaming about the one time that shinichi asked her to give him her bra (it was for a case lol)

chapter 254

MY FAVORITE KOGORO MOMENT:

it's a small but incredibly touching gesture and i love him so much for moments like this

chapter 255

HE CAN BE SO SUPPORTIVE AND SWEET

chapter 765

even though i criticized him for his treatment of conan earlier, shinichi and kogoro have their moments as well. the ramen case is one of my favorite moments between them, it's just so wholesome!

this case is giving dad and son-in-law eneregy!

to sum up my very long response: kogoro is an overall shitty person but he can be very smart, idealistic and sweet and i wish gosho explored those aspects of his character more, cause i feel like he gets sidelined a lot. he often uses kogoro for comedic relief which is fair to a certain extent cause kogoro is HILARIOUS and makes me laugh all the time but gosho keeps giving the bigger and more meaningful plotlines to characters that I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT (looking at you amuro) and i think that's a fucking shame cause kogoro has a lot of potential

hope that answers your question! :)

visit the shinran library for more

#kogoro mouri #shinichi kudo #ran mouri #shinran #dcmk #case closed #detective conan #ship analysis

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astarion-approves · 8 months

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Peeping Tav Astarion X Male Tav

A master at his kink, Tav found a new target of his dreams. The tall, pale, and handsome ‘Astarion.' A chef that works long hours, with a body built of marble, and a home filled with easily accessible windows. But Tav may have bitten off more than he can chew. Will he be able to see his target in all of his glory? Or will he become the one that's targeted? Part 1 of ?

NSFT, Peeping, Peeping Tom, Kinks, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Modern Era, Hand Jobs, flesh light, chef Astarion, Anal Fingering, POV First Person

Read below or read on Ao3

Hello, my name is Tav and I’m addicted to peeping.

Most would agree that peeping is a disgusting habit, and they would be right. Call it what you want, Peeping Tom, Ogler, Rubberneck, Onlooker, Voyeur, and so on. I’ve tried to stop, many times, but it’s just so damn addictive. Watching a stranger undress, them unknowingly giving me a show while I jerk off right outside their window?

There’s no better feeling.

Just knowing that they have no idea I’m right there , hiding in a tree or crouching in some bushes, maybe even standing there with no coverage at all… and I’m hard as a rock, my free hand over my mouth as I cover any moans that may slip through as I pleasure myself to their naked body. Eyeing them up and down as they become comfortable in their home, a place that they consider safe but it’s anything but.

And it wasn’t as if I was your ‘typical’ peeper. Normally I would just go out a few times a week, not every night like some of the guys I knew. On top of that; I wouldn’t upload my recordings online like some creep, that content was only meant to be enjoyed in my own home. Where, ironically enough, I close my blinds. Plus, I looked alright for the most part. My clothes fit well, I was in decent shape, and I’ve been told that I was good looking. Shaggy brown hair, light green eyes, and little dimples. What more could you love? Well… maybe minus the whole peeping part, but really, you’d never suspect me. Just look at me, friendly as ever, not a man that stands outside your window and jerks off!

Right. Moving on...

Peeping starts off simply enough.

First, I find a target. Someone handsome, preferably in great shape with plenty of muscle, and a nice plump bottom. I could find them anywhere, at the store, the park, a movie theater, even just walking down the street. I keep myself open to new opportunities.

I tend to obsess over one person at a time, which comes to my second step: learning their basic schedule. What time they wake up, when they have breakfast or head to work, if they’re single or dating someone, what they do in their spare time - and most of all; where they undress in their home .

Thirdly, after doing my research, I plant myself outside their window and chase after the perfect orgasm. If their bedroom is on the second floor and they keep their blinds shut I’m shit out of luck. However , a single story home with plenty of windows is a real treat.

The perfect man, the perfect schedule, and a perfect home - it can be extremely difficult to find all three at once… sometimes you just have to settle.

But, god damn , if I haven’t found the most handsome man to follow these last few weeks.

His name is Astarion, even his name rolls off my tongue like something to be savored. A professional chef that works long hours but makes sure to fit in a quick workout at the gym around 3 o’clock everyday before he goes to work. He would always wear thick, dark clothing, covering his entire body, before changing into a semi revealing pair of shorts and sneakers. And then he would begin his workout.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve followed him to the gym, I even went so far as to get a membership myself just to watch him. I would walk on the treadmill with him directly in my view, my cock tucked up and into the waistband of my shorts to disguise myself as I grew hard just from watching him.

One day I'd have to thank him for helping me stay in shape.

The man’s body was like marble, carefully carved, smooth, and flawless. It was almost like he didn’t need to work out, that he was naturally built to look like a god among men. Thick thighs, a thin waist, a great set of abs, a delicious ass, and features so handsome that he made anyone he encountered swoon. His hair was as a cool silver in color and his skin was as light as snow, like a dusting of snowflakes that would shimmer from sweat that I ached to lick off him. It would make my mouth water as I watched him lift weights with ease, Astarion grunting when he added more weight and pushed himself harder… and all I could imagine were those grunts happening because of me.

It was becoming a fantasy of mine to straddle him as he worked out. To feel his length beneath my bottom, grinding on him as a reward for completing each and every set, then dragging him into the locker room to drop down onto my knees and finally get a taste of that hot, sweaty cock.

A cock which I have yet to get a proper view of, try as I might.

Astarion was a fan of speedy showers after his workout, ones that didn’t give me the opportunity to get a good look at anything besides his ass. Which, I’m not exactly complaining about. The desire to bury my face between those buns and have a full on feast was almost overwhelming. However, with his strength, his beauty, and his sweet soothing voice - I needed to see that dick. And his lightning fast showers in the gym showers weren't enough.

Tonight… I was determined to finally get a peek. I had a plan. A… well, a simple plan that burned a small hole in my wallet but would hopefully work out in the end.

At 5 o’clock in the afternoon Astarion would be heading to work. He wouldn’t return for a while, around eight to ten hours, depending how his shift went. He was a great chef by the way, always in control of his kitchen, serving delicate little dishes that cost almost a quarter of my rent. It was hard to believe that such strong hands could create such beautiful and delectable dishes…

Anyway…

After work, anywhere between 1 o’clock and 3 o’clock in the morning, he would head directly back to his home, an adorable little one story brick house with seemingly more windows than walls and enough large bushes to conceal anyone. Perfect for me, not so perfect for him. Astarion would jump in the shower, or so I assumed as it was the only room in the entire house with a fogged window, then, and this was the best part, Astarion would stroll around his home completely nude.

Did I mention how fucking gorgeous Astarion was?

It wasn't something he had always done, a more recent development really. And fuck how I loved it. In the beginning he would get dressed in the bathroom, throwing on some pajamas and a towel over his shoulder to continue drying his hair. But as the weather grew warmer, he began waltzing out through his home with nothing on. Only the towel over his shoulder on top of his head.

The only problem was, he never got close enough to the fucking window s. He was always moving, always doing something to prevent me from getting the view I so desired. I would film him night after night, hoping to record his dick up close and personal; but I was never so lucky.

If he was lying on the couch in his living room? The coffee table hid him.

Sitting in his kitchen with a cup of tea? His legs were crossed.

Resting in bed while he scrolled through his phone? The towel was over his lap.

It was torture. Slow, painful, blueballs for weeks: torture .

At one point, I considered knocking on his door myself, hoping that he wouldn’t cover up and would just answer the door with his dick out. I quickly gave up on that idea when he received a late night delivery and threw on a pair of shorts. Which he kept on the rest of the night and I went home more frustrated than ever.

A few other times he would have different women over at his place at random hours. Either bringing them home with him or they would show up just as the sun was beginning to rise. Seriously, who agrees to a one night stand at nearly six am? …. Okay , I would. With Astarion that is. Really… I’m just being jealous.

Well, whenever they showed up, Astarion would always close the blinds, hiding their coupling from any possible prying eyes. Basically just me . And I would give up, not bothering to stick around to see them leave. I had no doubt they were leaving with wild sex hair and a blissed out ‘just fucked’ expression as they shuffled back home.

Again. I was jealous . But I’ve spent weeks trailing after this target, the longest amount of time I’ve ever spent watching a single person, and I was damn close to giving up. I can only chase after someone for so long before I just become exhausted . Astarion was worth it, holy fuck was he worth it , but I was getting more and more impatient as each night passed.

This entire time I’d never seen him jerk off. Which was… unusual . Most single men were taking any chance they got to take care of those urges. But not Astarion. Maybe it was because of the women he brought home? But even then that was only once or twice every few weeks... Or perhaps he was fulfilling those urges in the morning after I’d gone home for the night? Either way, I needed to see him, I needed to see him fuck his own hand and finish all over his stomach and fat pecs.

So, a few days ago, I ordered a special delivery for Astarion and prayed that he would… partake in what I sent. Straight porn, gay porn, lesbian porn, videos and magazines, butt plugs, a fleshlight, flavored lube, regular lube, hell I even sent massage wands. Anything to get this man to touch himself with the blinds open and in a perfect view just for me .

He saw the package on his door as soon as he got home that night, his brows dipping down in confusion as he read his own name on the label before carrying it inside. I was practically giddy as I watched him forgo his shower and unbox everything in his living room instead. He was confused as ever as he pulled out each item. He studied everything as they were revealed, even flipping through each magazine and shaking his head in disbelief as he did.

I didn’t miss the small twitch of his thin lips when he flipped and paused through the gay magazine. He paused and kept looking through it! Score!

And then out came the clear flesh light.

The way his eyes lit up was one of the most adorable reactions I’ve ever seen. As if this was never an option for him, that he never even considered using a toy like this to pleasure himself. For a moment, it was like the heavens opened before me. A light shined through the window and embraced Astarion in a glow that could only be described as angelic as he began to remove his clothing. His strong arms gripping the bottom of his shirt and lifting it above his head and throwing it to the floor, his long and elegant fingers quickly unbuttoning his slacks as he yanked them down -

And then.

There it was.

A dick worth waiting for.

It hung gently against his thigh, soft and relaxed, a little darker than the rest of his body, a touch of pink at the tip like the most perfect rose - and it was everything that I imagined. Astarion sat back down onto his couch, directly in front of his window, and uncaring of any eyes that could see as he reached for his new toy and a bottle of one of the lubes.

I chewed my lip and slipped my hand down to the waistband of my joggers and carefully pulled them down to expose myself to the cool night air. I was already hard, my cock sensitive to the touch from my own hand due to lack of use. But finally, finally , all of my work would pay off.

Astarion poured a generous amount of lube over his shaft, pumping himself lightly until he came to full thickness. I found myself sneaking closer to the window, Astarion's eyes were pointed down and to the magazine beside him - if I stayed quiet and still out of his view… it would be easy to get away with.

But I wasn't so sure I could hold back once Astarion slipped the flesh light down onto himself.

He let his head drop back and let out a loud, needy moan; so loud I could hear it outside with his decorative bushes between us. Astarion moved his hand slowly, allowing himself to indulge wholly into the pleasure the toy could offer him. His grip would tighten around the toy as he worked it up and over the tip of his dick, and then loosen as he brought it back down to the base.

The toy was too small for him, I learned this after Astarion began to fuck it with a little more desperation. As he brought it all the way down his length, the upper half would pop though the top, revealing his glistening tip which was now turning a deep red as he continued to jerk himself off.

My own hand was moving to match Astarion's as he fucked into the toy, now with his eyes closed and no longer looking at the magazine. This was a moment that would be burned into my memory for the rest of my life… the most gorgeous man before me, gasping and moaning, his hips beginning to lift off the couch and fuck even harder into the toy I've provided for him -

" Fuck ," I moaned, my voice quiet but I couldn't hold back any longer, it slipped out of me. I was so close to finishing, so close to shooting my load all over Astarion's bushes just outside his window, my first orgasm in weeks right there and ready to blow. For a moment, a quick brief second , I closed my eyes as I nearly finished–

And when I looked back to where Astarion sat: he was gone.

My hand stilled, fear enveloping my body as I frantically scanned the now empty living room in front of me. Astarion was nowhere to be seen. Even the fleshlight was missing, meaning he was in such a hurry he took it with him.

My moan must have alerted Astarion, he most likely saw me outside his window with my dick out and about to apply a fresh layer of white to his house. I knew that Astarion was fast, and that more than likely he was sprinting for his cellphone and about to call the police. If I moved fast enough, I could have my pants jerked back up and get to my car before they arrived–

"And what do we have here…?"

I froze, my entire frame unable to move as a cool body pressed against my back. One hand appeared on my left hip before sliding under my shirt and coming to rest on my stomach. A warm breath cascaded down my throat as he spoke again.

"Don't let me ruin your fun, darling. Keep going."

Words were lost, the ability to move was gone, my breathing short and labored, everything inside of me telling me to run. But I couldn't. There was nothing I could do as my target stood behind me, teasing me, knowing that I was completely at Astarion’s mercy.

There was no telling what his plan was. If I were to keep going would he drag me into the street and call me a pervert? Was he secretly recording me and planning on exposing my dirty kink to the world?

"Relax," Astarion purred into my ear, chucking as he slowly slid his hand down my stomach and stopped just before my groin. "I won't bite."

"I'm sor–" I tried to speak, to blurt out some kind of apology; but Astarion shushed me before anything could be said.

"Hush. I think it's only fair I get to play with you now… wouldn't you agree?" Before I could register what was happening, Astarion was yanking my joggers down to the ground and slipping my dick into his used fleshlight.

" Oh ." Astarion gave me no time to react, his right hand gently swiping the toy up and down over my cock while his free hand moved even lower to massage my balls as he jerked me off.

"Feel good?" Astarion asked, his voice dipping lower, turned on, needy, almost out of breath and it was because of me.

I nodded, my mouth hanging open but words still far, far away from me as I allowed Astarion to work my length with his skilled hands. He gave me pleasure the same way he had to himself, slow at first, focusing on my tip and applying careful, gentle pressure as he eased my cock in and out of the toy.

"Such a pretty little human." Astarion's cock was hot and heavy resting against my back, although he was dressed now, I could feel his length pressing into my lower back as he forced me into his chest.

Wait, 'human' ?

Astarion peeled his left hand away from my balls, leaving me panting and missing the feeling of his hands massaging me there–

And then his hand was on my ass, easing between my cheeks and pressing a single finger against my entrance. I almost buckled over, gasping as he softly caressed my hole with a slicked fingertip.

"Oh, you dirty boy. You love that, don't you?"

" Yes ," I hissed as he managed to slip the tip of his middle finger inside. It has been so long, far too long, since I've touched my own ass. And now Astarion, my perfect target of all people, was the first to touch me in months.

"So… tight," Astarion spoke almost as if he was in disbelief. The back of my shirt was damp from his precum, only turning me on further as I felt his dick twitching and rubbing on his cool precum all over my back.

I was close again. As much as I fought it… it was impossible to hold back any longer. I was trying to savor Astarion's touch as he worked my dick and fingered my ass, it was all too much. I was shaking in his arms, my hips weakly pushing forward and back, trying to get as much of Astarion's lubed finger up my ass and as much pressure over my cock head to finally cum.

"Come on, cum for me," Astarion whispered into my ear, his lips bushing over my skin as he spoke. His middle finger reached as deeply as it could, titling up and pressing against the bundle of nerves that made me break.

I threw my body back against him, my hips jerking wildly as I finished into the fleshlight. Cum spilled over the top of the toy and down the sides until it coated Astarion's fingers leaving a dirty mess behind. Astarion groaned alongside me, his head ducking into my neck and biting down harshly as my cum cascaded down his knuckles….

------

Let me know if we need a part two ;P

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qelflinq · 4 months

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Every porn take I see blow up on here says the exact same thing and it’s wild to see 20,000 people play absolutely stupid every single time lol. “2 people should be allowed to record themselves having good angel consensual sex and that’s why porn is good actually so stop saying it’s bad😇” Ok how come that’s your position that’s not even a very divisive thing to say. Come on now defend the porn made in a studio with a pornstar man and a pornstar woman whose Instagram comments are full of old men describing how they’d like to violate her (best case scenario). Like WHO is taking up an issue with the ethical shit when they talk about porn. That’s literally 2% of porn you assholes KNOW the other 98% (the pornhub most searched , the shit most curious 11 year olds will see first) is simulated rape/incest/pedophilia (oftentimes all 3). I’m not saying the straight guy favourites are all like this, but even the majority of “normal” porn reestablishes really fucked up ways to view women (as do things like weightwatchers and razor ads but that’s probably pushing it a bit too much on here). I guess part of the problem is that hardly anybody on this website can think or see beyond themselves and their own porn habits. Like sure maybe (maybe) Rocko| 23| he/they only gets off to AO3 fanfiction but the kink freedom warriors don’t love mentioning the swaths of men that go abt their day fantasizing about controlling or hurting women. Do they just not exist when we consider the effects porn has on us? Or are they not supposed to be a problem, and I’m just another grouch yucking somebody’s yum? The men that are our classmates and coworkers and family members etc etc the men we have to interact with daily. Like I’m sorry but not everyone lives in Tumblr world 100% of the time lol it doesn’t make us anti sex crones to think it’s weird that porn is so accessible and commercialized and STILL so influenced by misogyny (again I’m talking THE MAJORITY of it not the ethical shit everyone uses as an example when defending porn). I’m starting to get ads from onlyfans telling me to sign up 👍 telling me hey girl this is such a fun opportunity to make money. Is that not like, evil?? Is that not scary to anyone? Like now it’s the company itself explaining how good and empowering it is to have your income dictated by how jackoffable you are deemed by strangers forming fantasies surrounding your body? Whether my body is a particular fetish? Nobody online rly wants to talk about the other side of sex work. Abt how it’s so closely linked to addiction and poverty in real life. It’s not just silly cute cosplay photoshoots that stay within the greater queer community. And even when it is, if you come across any trans OF creators twitter, a great chunk of their comments are (often conservative) men who want to hurt/degrade them. It’s not a new or made up phenomenon. You can very much witness it for yourself. Most people DO witness it, I guess it’s just not really a priority so it’s better ignored? It’s useless trying to have a normal conversation about these things cause everybody reblogs the same posts to show they share the same opinions. When the internet is this fast ur priorities shift, I get it. It’s easier to form opinions based on others safe agreeable pre-written ones. So often I see or hear someone regurgitating some shit I KNOW they read on a Tumblr post or heard in a YouTube essay cause bro I saw it too. Sometimes it’s straight up word for word. Like what ! Does nobody read books anymore. Or go to work. Or go outside and talk to people. I know it’s hard to find time to think about things much when there r so many tiktoks to watch, posts to read, pictures to chuckle and so little free-time in your day to do all that. It’s crazy to me that if you’re not a woman on here , you’re probably not gonna think about how women are treated at all.

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greatwyrmgold · 5 months

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Undersiders Cluster Trigger Without Undersiders

In my previous two posts about an Undersiders cluster trigger, I've talked vaguely about a "cult" where the Undersiders lived before their trigger event. That idea has stuck in my mind since, and the only way I know how to get thoughts like that out of my head is to post them online. Thank god for Tumblr.

Anyways, here's an outline of a high control group which might produce that sort of cluster trigger event. If anyone wanted to write a fanfic about that specific cluster trigger.

The Grift

Meet Andrew Randal. He's an ordinary psychiatrist who wants to give people a second chance. His company, New Growth, offers a wide variety of programs to help people defeat their inner demons and build a new life for themselves.

From an omniscient and objective perspective...Andrew is a charismatic ex-therapist, targeting and testing desperate or vulnerable people. His specific targets are ex-criminals and the criminal-adjacent. Drug addicts, prisoners on parole, supervillain henchmen...even the occasional ex-supervillain. Other kind of desperate people show up, and their money spends well, but they're a pleasant byproduct of the main grift.

Not all of his programs are complete bullshit...just most of them. The core of his stated self-help philosophy revolves around identifying your "inner demons" and building a new, better you that excludes those demons.

Obviously, with many of his clients being convicts or other rule-breakers, conforming to a strict set of prosocial rules is part of this program. For your own good, violation of these rules is met with punishment. (A punishment you agreed to, remember?) Also, since many of his clients are low-income, he also offers a program where clients can perform good, honest labor, both to build character and so they can enjoy the rest of the programs.

Of course, the honest labor is for various agriculture businesses and such that pay Andrew for the labor. This sounds like it might create an employer-employee relationship, but Andrew created a legal defense dense enough that disillusioned clients figure it's not worth testing in court and just leave the program.

Obviously, a lot of Andrew's marketing focuses on framing this in a way that is neither unethical nor illegal. This isn't labor exploitation! This is a chance for people to work hard while they build their futures. It's a chance to bootstrap yourself out of the gutter and into the good life. Anyone who says otherwise is just trying to make everyone into complacent sheep, dependent on external aid. And it's all optional, anyways, it's not like clients have to do the work. A lot of people just pay for the normal sessions and move on.

This kind of rhetoric might drive some people off, but it generally isn't used unless there's some specific threat to New Growth that needs to be defeated with facts and logic.

Aside from the obvious benefits of this business model, it lets Andrew identify people who are willing to follow orders and leave their old selves behind. But more on that once I describe...

The Accomplices

Having outlined the grift, let me identify the people helping Andrew with it. While Andrew is not a parahuman, he gathered a few parahumans to help him with his grift.

First is his high school bud, Colter Elliot. Colter fell in with the wrong crowd, barely avoided criminal charges, and got a job at the local youth center. He was a coach for their basketball team, and while he got the kids energized, he was focused on making the kids into an effective basketball team, and not supervised well enough. Colter got settled into this new role, the kids started getting hurt at practice. A few follow-up questions later, an investigation into his coaching practices was launched to figure out whether he should just be fired, or whether he needed to be charged with child abuse.

Colter wound up with one of those borderline Master/Stranger powers, arguably with a dash of Trump. He gives people orders; ignoring them drains your energy, fatiguing you, but following them gives you a burst of strength and energy. (Though not enhanced endurance or resilience or anything. I'm sure he'll use this power responsibly.) Needless to say, he supervises most of the work teams.

Second are two sisters and clustermates, Megan and Lily Fleischer. They triggered when a douche who Lily rejected ambushed the two of them with some friends; the douche drove Lily into a corner and started beating her within an inch of her life, while the friends restrained Megan and kept watch and such.

Megan gained the power to produce fog that messes with people's heads, causing them to get lost in the fogbank and see shapes that aren't there. She also has a Striker power that can make other people emit that fog for a brief period, which they will of course be surrounded by. She was mostly recruited for her marketing expertise.

Lily has two Striker powers. One of them is basically a weaker version of Megan's secondary power—it makes someone spew smoke, which doesn't have any effect beyond obscuring vision and smoke inhalation. The other Striker power incapacitates people with hallucinations, which she can influence but which are largely drawn from the target's mind.

Lily's hallucinatory touch is a key part of Andrew's process for finding people's inner demons; another key part is lying about what the power actually does. They're primed to expect that they'll face down their inner demons in psychic combat, so that's what they hallucinate. Lily's control is sufficient to make sure that they always lose, unless they've paid/worked for enough programs to slay one of those demons.

The last significant parahuman is Lavender Green, formerly the supervillain Bioeffector. Her power isn't as hyper-specific as Colter or Lily's, so I won't dwell on her trigger event. She brews tinkertech slurries of chemicals and protists, which inducing some kind of growth or healing in living organisms.

(As an aside: A bioeffector is a microorganism which can kinda fertilize soil it's in. Lavender thinks it was a clever name, but nobody knows what a bioeffector is, so most people assume she called herself that because her slurries have effects on biology. So they think her name is lame.)

Lavender joins New Growth after it's been operational for a few years, but Andrew realizes she compliments his team well. Partly by giving him something else to sell to the big farms they work for, mostly by giving their clients a way to recover from Colton's encouragement.

The Cult

Andrew's first cult-y move is sleeping with a bunch of women under his authority, without letting any of them know he's sleeping with anyone else. For the most part, it's just women with useful talents that he wants to exploit—Lavender, the Fleischer sisters, some non-parahumans with mundane skills, probably another parahuman or two. The sex is as much a means to keep them loyal to him as it is, you know, pleasure.

But Andrew isn't just watching New Growth for potential girlfriends. He's watching for people who can be manipulated—people who follow even the most ridiculous orders, who want to actively bury their old identities and find new ones. People who are willing to become Andrew's slaves (of the non-sexual variety).

The next bit is just...normal high control group stuff. I'll skip the way he breaks people down and molds them to suit his needs and amasses hundreds of followers, and skip to the bit where he buys some land in the middle of nowhere and set up a compound.

By this point, Andrew has convinced his loyal followers about a vast conspiracy that wants to destroy people like them. It's a hodgepodge of common conspiracy tropes, with a bit of parahuman flavor, and probably turning the inner demons from metaphor into "No, Lily's power lets you fight literal demons that live in your brain."

(If a theoretical fanfic author detailed this conspiracy, they should probably indulge the urge to give them a broken-clock moment about a cabal that all superheroes work for or powers coming from aliens. That's just fun.)

So he moves himself, Colter, his girlfriends, hundreds of his followers, and hundreds more of their children/spouses/etc to an isolated location. In this place, called New Hope, he continues his spiel about hard work and defeating your innqer demons and stuff. His followers are already familiar with farming, and Lavender's tinker slurries let them turn mediocre pasture into decently fertile farmland. Most of the followers do that, some of them work in a sweatshop; both farm and sweatshop produce goods that are sold to give New Hope its own source of revenue.

(Note that New Growth is still operating as a business back home; its exploitative practices are just less relevant now that Andrew isn't trying to recruit from its clientele.)

There's firm control within the cult, but relatively little conflict. The residents' powers are underutilized, their shards neglected. So perhaps it's no surprise that Andrew suffers an unexpected death when a disagreement between him and Colter turns violent.

It's often said that a cult's second leader plays a pivotal role in its long-term trajectory, perhaps more important than the first. Colter rises to the challenge. He spins Andrew's death as the result of cabal activity or alien superpowers or something, and steps into the role of cult leader.

Colter is less subtle and less charismatic than Andrew, but he knows how to make people fall in line, can tell a good lie, and basically everyone there is used to taking orders from him. There's a brief power struggle between Colter and Megan, which leads to Megan taking over external operations and Colter running the compound. They share resources, and Megan tries to direct new recruits to the compound, but neither she nor anyone else has as much experience identifying good marks as Andrew does, so it's a pretty slow trickle.

New Hope probably has some clashes with the odd independent superhero or regional villain, but for the most part it's stable. Colter consolidates power over the place and indulges in a more hedonistic flavor of cult leader behavior.

Some more parahumans pop up—several children of Andrew's parahuman girlfriends, a couple of random triggers. Most of these get integrated into Colter's inner circle.

One of the random triggers was a teenager pushed to and past the breaking point by Colter and his power; she turned against the cult in frustration, was driven out by Colter's lieutenants, and continues to hang around in a nearby roadside town. She doesn't want to leave her family with Colter, and worries that they'll get killed if the authorities get involved. (This worry is about two parts lingering conspiracism, one part awareness of things like the Waco siege.) Her efforts to wreck the cult from the outside keep things from staying too calm.

But the first big challenge to New Hope is that cluster trigger.

#parahumans #worm oc #fanfic ideas

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hardestgrove · 2 years

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like not to get too deep on my stranger things shitposting blog but like, people being so rampantly anti billy but lacking and thought or nuance to that argument or trying to moralize their dislike of his character instead of just saying "i just don't like him" (which is literally a valid reason all on it's own) is in part directly because challenging material being removed from school curriculums, the increasingly poor quality of the american education system and the focus on standardized testing. Also a cause of this is places like tiktok which are finely tuned capitalist time sinks that create addicting doom scrolling echo chambers built to both make you feel bad and spoon feed you validation of a limited point of view so they can make money off of you.

In elementary school my art teacher was a ww2 survivor, sometimes he would gather us all in the projector room tell us stories from his childhood instead of showing us slides of Dali and Rembrandt. Not all of them were happy, some people would argue should not have been told to children our age even thought they happen to him in his real life when he was around 12. But these stories are foundational to me and my understanding of the world now. I loved this man deeply and he helped to inspire my love of art and creativity and helped art be the field I want to work in to this day.

I read Maus in high school which people have recently spoke of banning and watched Persepolis. I took a class about the literary use of the "Monster" and the "Other" where we read things like Frankenstein and watched Bladerunner and talked about the groups these monsters where metaphors for. We had a whole class discussing how many "monsters" are just people with conditions that were then demonized for their otherness (did you know the insult "pinhead" originated as an insult/slur against people with malformed skulls usually from microcephaly who were then exploited in freak shows?). I took a course on satire where we read A Modest Proposal (which is a slam against the English landlords who were treating the irish horrifically at the time, not a dude proposing they ate babies).

In college I took an entire mandatory course in my freshman year at art school called critical inquiry where we went through all the different kinds of theory-- Marxist, feminist, queer etc.

All media has a message, even dumb popcorn blockbuster shows. In some ways it is all propaganda. Critical thinking is important to understanding the world around you. Being able to understand multiple points of view is critical to interacting with the world. Schools are more and more less likely to teach these skills for reasons ranging from no time to actively suppressing them which leaves children open to getting a lot of info online with very little way of engaging with it in a way where they can think for themselves and pick it apart. This fandom skews young and it shows because there's very little genuine thinking, discussion and analysis of the text and a lot of frankly poorly considered takes and dickhead behavior.

I urge younger folks to engage with problematic content and listen to video essays and podcasts and whatever that explain critical thinking concepts and different kinds of theory used in analysis. If it feels like your school isn't teaching you how to be able to really seriously think for yourself please use the nightmarish hellscape that is the internet to find people who will and even when you find those sources be critical of them and never completely assume they're right, always ask "what's their angle?". Learn about dog whistles and indoctrination tactics. Learn how to protect your brains and how to engage with texts more completely for your own growth, entertainment and education and so you don't get blindsided by fucked up subtexts you didn't even realize where there and accidentally let shape your thinking.

#train.txt #once again THIS IS LONGER THAN I WANTED lol #god i got other shit to do i need to shut up but YES my final thought on this for now

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britswriting · 2 years

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Desire (8)

Desire Masterlist

Read on Wattpad

I struggled to write this chapter. Not due to triggers.. just it's a tricky subject and I wanted to do my best at writing it.. tastefully? That being said...

T/W: Talk of being an atheist, Active relapse, talk of alcohol, mention of peer pressure, small talk of body image issues, mentions of abandonment, cheesy pickup line (lol)

I tried not to make it extremely detailed, but my version of extremely detailed and yours might be very different, so please read with caution. If it is a triggering topic for you, feel free to skip this chapter. Nothing important happens between Leighton and Colby. All you're missing is her hanging out with friends and then drinking and her thought process of why.

If you deal with addiction, please read this chapter with caution. It's going to get a little rough for the next few chapters... I write realism, I'm sorry.

If you need help, there are a lot of options online such as hotlines, worksheets or even meetings.

Please seek help if needed, and remember, take it one day at a time, I love you ❤️

*Leighton's POV*

Arriving at the club was weird. It was oddly empty in the front, there wasn't even a bouncer at the front door. It was nothing like the movies showed.

Movies always made it seem like LA clubs were this big party scene and it was so hard to get into...

We walked through the door, and I was immediately overwhelmed. The music was loud, and there were bodies everywhere, mingling, sipping drinks and grinding on each other.

It seemed to be a bar that wanted to be a nightclub. It wasn't fairly big and it looked like a bar, but the lights were dark and there were colorful lights everywhere along with the blaring music.

It's like you went to Disco Night at the Bowling Alley.

"Come on Leighton!" Alex tugged my hand, my clumsy ass almost tripping, unprepared for the quick tug of her hand.

She dragged me over to a table of strangers, myself glancing around, checking my surroundings.

I could barely think with how loud it was in here.

"Guys, this is Leighton. The girl from New Years" Alex introduced me, and I gave a tight lipped smile and a small wave, feeling extremely awkward.

"That's the girl with the-" Some guy started and Alex quickly nodded, cutting him off.

Okay then...

"Leigh, this is Scott, Isaac, Derrick, Katie and Estelle, but we call her Elle" Alex introduced me and I nodded, still awkwardly standing here, unsure of what to say.

I felt like I was standing in front of a stadium, naked.

They were all just staring at me.

"You can call me Estelle" She corrected Alex, and I nodded slowly, kind of struggling to hear them over the music.

"We ordered you a drink, here" Some brown hair guy said, sliding a martini glass over to Alex.

"Thanks" Alex smiled, taking a sip of it.

"I like your outfit, Alex" Some dirty blonde hair girl said.

I honestly couldn't remember who was who.

I haven't properly been out in almost two years, so this was definitely sensory overload.

"Thank you! I bought it today when I got Leighton's outfit" She replied, turning everyone's attention to me.

I wanted to hide.

I felt like they were directly staring at my stomach that was slightly protruding through the skirt, and the way the skin rolled between the top of the skirt and the bottom of the bra.

No one said anything, and they started talking amongst themselves, so I excused myself, making my way through the crowded bodies towards the bar.

"Hi um, can I get a coke?" I asked, hoping I was loud enough for the bartender to hear me.

They nodded, walking to my right and crouching down.

"Do you want a glass?" He asked and I shook my head, reaching for my wallet.

I paid for the coke, popping it open and leaned against the bar, watching the drunk people in front of my practically dry hump each other.

I don't know how long I was standing here, sipping the coke for, but I do know that I don't understand the appeal of bars.

Maybe you have to be hammered to enjoy them?

Or maybe not sleep deprived from a newborn?

I wasn't sure.

I turned back to the bar, looking around, seeing all sorts of bottles behind them when someone cleared their throat, saying "Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?" and I immediately cringed.

"I'd have to believe in heaven, to fall from it" I replied back in an unamused tone and they got quiet real quick. I turned around, speaking up again, "So, out of curiosity, what was your follow-up if the first one was that bad? Did you have a backup plan or?" I asked, leaning against the bar again, having no idea what Alex or her friends were doing.

"You don't believe in Heaven?" He asked and I snickered, rolling my eyes.

Not everyone has to believe in religion.

"Do your bad pickup lines ever work?" I asked and he straightened his posture a bit, tilting his head to the side, eyeing me.

I hated when guys did that.

When they tried to figure you out just by looking at you.

Listen buddy, if I can't figure myself out, what makes you think you can?

"Let's start over. The name's Collin" He held out his hand and I eyed it, glancing back up at his eyes.

"Real name?" I asked, trying to see if he had given me a fake name or not.

I wasn't trying to get played on my first night out.

He gave me a strange look, replying, "Uh.. Collin Gardner" which made me laugh, deciding to go a little easier on him.

I was trying not to be a bitch, remember?

"Leighton" I held my hand out, since his dropped, and he shook my hand which felt so out of place for the location we were at.

"It was that bad huh?" he asked and I laughed, responding, "It was pretty bad" against the rim of my Coke can before taking a sip.

"Sorry. I don't normally walk up to pretty girls at the bar" He apologized and I let out a breathy laugh, glancing in the direction of Alex's table, only to see a brown haired girl was sitting there alone.

"Thank you for the compliment, but I'm sure you could do way better than me" I told him honestly, seeing the probably hundred of gorgeous girls around me.

Being Bisexual really has it's perks sometimes.

"I probably could" he started and my eyes widened, "But that doesn't mean I want to" He finished and I shot him a weird look.

"What?" I laughed, not expecting the bluntness.

I could see his cheeks redden against the harsh lighting of the club which made my heart race a little bit.

He shrugged before ordering some sort of drink.

He was handed some sort of liquid in a short glass with ice in it, and I glanced down at the weirdly colored liquid.

"What is that?" I asked, trying to figure out what I was looking at.

I've seen alcohol before, hell I've sort of tasted it before, but everything I had seen had been clear, or dark. This was a strange off brown color.

"Cinnamon fireball whiskey" he informed me and I nodded slowly, watching it slosh a little in the glass.

"Fireball as in the energy drink?" I questioned and he nodded. "Weird. Is it good?"

"I like it" He shrugged and I mentally facepalmed.

Of course he does, idiot! Why else would he order it.

It got quiet between us and slowly drank the Coke, trying to busy myself.

"There you are!" Alex said loudly, causing me to wince. "Who's this?" She asked and I mentally groaned, but before I could reply, he did.

"Collin" He held his hand out and at this point I was starting to feel embarrassed for him.

I may have never been to a bar or club before, but I was pretty sure you didn't go shaking hands with people like we were at a business meeting.

Alex just nodded, dismissing his hand, "You wandered off" She frowned, "I wanted you to hang out with my friends and I. Why'd you leave?" She questioned, seeming a tad upset at my disappearance.

"Wanted a drink, and your friends seem to not like me" I shrugged, waving my Coke can at her a little before taking another drink of it.

"What do you mean? You haven't even talked to them yet"

"Well"

"Well what?"

I stayed quiet, well aware that Collin was here.

"I thought we were going to let loose and have fun? Don't you want to forget about all the drama waiting for you at home?" She asked and I felt my head snap over to her, narrowing my eyes at her, silently telling her to zip it.

"Where even are your friends?" I asked, scanning the room.

"Katie went to the bathroom, Isaac is trying to pick up girls, horribly might I add" She laughed, "Derrick is at the table with Elle and Scotts in the bathroom. We were going to go mingle, but you left" She explained, Collin now excusing himself and wandering off.

Great. She scared away the fireball guy.

"Estelle definitely doesn't like me" I told her and Alex scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"She just takes a bit to get to know, plus, Derrick was eyeing you, so I'm sure she was jealous. Don't pay your mind any attention to her actions. She's a bit... stuck up? I love her, but she has her moments" Alex explained and I nodded slowly.

"So.. is Derrick and her together or?" I asked, playing with the pull tab on the Coke can.

Alex scoffed, snickering, "She wishes" which made me let out a breathy chuckle. "Now come on! Let's go dance!" She shouted over the music, tugging me along with her.

I held onto my can, too afraid to set it down.

I've heard stories.

Alex started dancing to the music, and I just stood there, feeling extremely awkward.

I practically fall over in these heels walking, how the fuck am I supposed to dance in them?

I didn't feel like dancing the way everyone else was. I was way too self conscious to do some of the movements they were doing.

I wasn't a prude, and I didn't care that slutty girls were owning it, but I definitely didn't have the confidence to do it myself.

At least, not here, with these people.

You know who would love to watch me attempt twerking?

Kat and Colby.

I laughed to myself, thinking about when Colby came home with me, and was practically twerking in front of my family whilst they made the pizza's.

I almost wished I was here with Sam, Kat and Colby. I knew almost for a fact that if I was with them, I would feel a lot more comfortable and confident and I hated that.

I hated that I always needed someone to be better. To feel better about myself, to be more comfortable.

I couldn't stand being alone.

I always needed the distraction, or the encouragement or even the validation.

I could never just do things.

I hated going places by myself, I hated sitting in my apartment by myself and I hated more than anything, not having anyone to call up or text.

There were no distractions when you were alone.

My mind raced too much when I was alone, and I have been alone a lot lately.

There have definitely been a few times that I've called Elizabeth, my sponsor, and had to be calmed down, or talked to, and we even met up recently.

Having Elizabeth meet Gemma felt surreal.

It truly was an out of body experience to have my sponsor meet my almost two month old.

I never knew how badly "I need space" would affect me, but after having so much alone time, even if it has only been two weeks.. I know just how badly I can't stand it.

Alex was grinding against me and I tried really hard to go along with it, but I couldn't stop looking at all the people around us, my mind racing and my heart beating rapidly in my chest.

"You know what you need?" Alex asked and I hummed in response, curious as to what she thought could fix my current problem. "A drink. Loosen up a little bit. It's supposed to be fun!" She told me and I could feel my heart stop racing, panic filling my chest. "Let's go do a shot together!" She grabbed my hand, pulling me after her yet again.

I couldn't get a word out before she was ordering a round of Vodka shots, eagerly watching them be poured.

"Alex! I've never drank before! I've never taken a shot! I don't drink-" I quickly tried to derail the plan, only for her to call over her friend.

"Elle! Will you take a video of us doing shots? Leighton's never done one before!" Alex called out to the blonde haired girl dressed in a skin tight short black dress.

Alex seemed ecstatic.

What was so fun about watching me do a shot for the first time?

I always wanted to do my first shot with Colby...

Fucking Colby.

He's the one who wanted space. Who won't reply to my Happy Birthday texts, or even ask me how it's going.

He wants nothing to do with me. Hell, he asked me not to contact his friends.

He could be here. We could be doing this together..

I missed talking to him. I missed hanging out with him. I thought we were friends?

Are we not friends anymore all because we might have possible feelings?

Will I lose him over this?

I eyed the shots, my heart now practically beating out of my chest as I tried to figure out how to tell her I can't take the shots.

She seems so excited...

I couldn't stop thinking. I couldn't turn my fucking brain off as I stared at the liquor, my thoughts racing with questions and possibilities.

I knew that if I did this, it would be frowned upon. So many people would be disappointed in me. I knew that even though being a drug addict and an alcohol addict were different, that they were also similar. I knew that I had never touched alcohol because alcoholics run in my family, and I already have problems... but maybe they found something in it? Maybe there was a reason everyone turned to it?

I couldn't help but think about what it would feel like.

What it would taste like.

How it would affect me.

Would it numb these thoughts? Would it make me let loose like Alex and just enjoy myself?

Forget about my relationship issues, and my baby and the fact that I'm broke and jobless?

I thought about doing one shot with Colby just for the experience, but now, all I can think about is downing them all with Alex to get my brain to shut up.

I wanted so desperately to talk to someone. I knew I should call Elisabeth, and confined in her about these thoughts.. but all I wanted was to hear Colby's voice and distract myself, to forget, but Colby wanted space, and I need to respect that. Aaliyah is busy with River, and my family can't know.

Call Elisabeth.

She'll help you.

We don't have to do this.

You were doing so good!

They think I'm doing good.

That I'm figuring it out.

That I'm okay.

Everyone thinks I've crossed the bridge to better land, and that I was on the other side of the disease

but was I?

Aaliyah and Gabriel.. they don't trust me, and maybe rightfully so.

Maybe they're right.

Maybe I can't stay clean.

Maybe I can't do this.

Maybe the doctors had a right to give me a drug test. Maybe Gabe and Aaliyah had the right to ask if I was back where I was.

Maybe I was.

Am I really about to take a shot with a girl I met two weeks ago?

"Here Leigh, you go first and I'll go after you" Alex handed me the glass and I sighed, holding it, contemplating.

Does alcohol count?

Yeah I always wanted to do it with Colby.. I always wanted to do it when I turned twenty one.. I just figured it was a hard limit. That I wasn't allowed.

Was I allowed?

I sat there staring at it, a million thoughts racing through my head, but it was so hard to hear them, let alone think it through due to the obnoxious music in my ears.

"It's just going to burn a bit, but it will make you feel better. More alive, loose.. it's fun. I can call the boys over and we can do it all together" Alex suggested, but I just kept staring at the drink, flashbacks to all of my arguments with Colby and Aaliyah. The thought of Colby, Aaliyah and Logan leaving...

Alex is new, and fun.. and she doesn't care.

She isn't looking for us to date, or to have strings attached.. She's living in the moment, being free, not thinking the little things over.

I want to be like Alex.

Before I even knew what I was doing, I tossed the cold liquid back and felt it burn all the way down, coughing once I swallowed it, my face contouring due to the burning sensation of the drink.

"YEAHHHH!" Alex shouted, her hands in the air, cheering me on as I tried to recover, placing the shot glass down. "Let's do one together! I want to take a video!" She shouted, grabbing a shot glass. "The burn gets easier the more you do it. Let's have fun tonight, stop thinking so hard. Your pretty little head shouldn't be this worried all the damn time" She said, and I decided to give in.

Before I knew it, we had downed four shots together and I was definitely starting to feel it.

"Feeling better?" Alex asked and I nodded, leaning my head back against her shoulder as we danced with the crowd of drunk, horny 20 something year old's.

My mind was numb.

I couldn't think about anything, I could just feel everything.

"This place is getting kind of boring. Is there somewhere fun we could go, just the two of us?" I asked her, turning around, wrapping my arms around her neck, my right wrist draping over the left.

"You're going to feel the effects of those shots soon. They're going to hit you like a bus" She laughed, moving my hair out of my face and behind my ear.

"But you said we're going to have fun tonight" I frowned, swaying a little.

"We should probably get you some water, and food. Come on, I'll buy" She held her arm around my waist, pushing the both of us through a few guys.

I sat at the table with her friends, eating some nachos and drinking some cold water, my stomach turning.

"Leigh, right?" One of her guy friends asked and I nodded, leaning my head against my palm. "So..." He started but he never finished, causing me to look over at him.

"Hm?" I hummed, glancing back down at the table.

"You seem.. different" He said and my face scrunched up as I turned to look at him.

"What do you mean?" I mumbled, my head hurting from the alcohol and the loud music.

"You're different than the type of girls Alex goes for"

"What?"

"Her friends. You're different" He said and I rolled my eyes muttering a "Thanks"

"Can I ask you something?" He asked and I sighed, but nodded. "Are you two together?" He asked and I shook my head. "Oh. I thought-"

"Yeah, I know. But no. We are not"

"Is this your first time with alcohol?" He asked and I nodded, replying, "That obvious huh?" I asked, trying to ignore the guilty feeling in the back of my mind.

"Just a little" He laughed, "It's good you're drinking and eating though. It will absorb the alcohol" He told me and I just nodded again, pretending to know what he was talking about.

It was quiet for a moment, and I felt my phone buzz against my leg in my purse, ignoring it; the guy spoke again, "What did she give you?" He continued, my head pounding from the loud music.

"Vodka"

"Whewhoohoo" He breathed out with a small laugh, an impressive? sound coming from him, causing me to frown.

"What?"

"Pretty hard liquor for a first timer"

"Why"

"It'll fuck you up pretty quick. How many did you have?" He asked, and I looked down at my glass of water, wishing it was something else to numb the now prominent guilt feeling in the back of my head.

"I don't know. She kept handing me things, and I already fucked up, so why not keep going?" I shrugged, leaning back against the booth, glancing away from the bright lights.

What would Colby say? Aaliyah? Logan? My parents?

Is Stephen mad at me?

Am I selfishly ruining Gemma's life?

"Fucked up?" He asked and I nodded, the guilt slowly making its way into my head as I started to sober up, grabbing another nacho. "Fucked up how? Because you had so many or?" He asked and I honestly wasn't even thinking anymore.

I already messed up, what's there to lose?

"I um.. I'm a recovering drug addicted" I mumbled and I didn't dare look over at him, playing with the triangle chip in the food basket.

"Oh- wait.. does alcohol count?" He asked and I shrugged, playing with my food.

"That's the million dollar question tonight isn't it?" I asked, now playing with the straw in my water cup. "I'm very sorry.. but what's your name again?" I asked, my vision a little blurred.

He laughed, stealing one of my nacho's after he replied with "Scott" making me nod.

"And how do you know Alex?" I asked softly, wincing as the music got louder.

"We've been friends for years" He told me and I nodded again, my fingers rubbing my temples. "So um.. I know this is none of my business.. but does your recovery start over now?" He asked and I shrugged. "Wait, why did Alex give you Vodka if you're an addict? Wait, second question, why'd she bring you to a bar?" He asked and I chuckled, resting my elbows on the semi sticky bar table, resting my jaw against my right hand knuckles, turning to look at him.

"She didn't know"

"Oh... why?"

"Not exactly a first meeting type of conversation. Hi, my name's Leigh and I have a drug problem, how's the weather?" I mocked and he laughed, his shoulder meeting his jaw in a way to say fair enough.

"You told me" He noted and I shrugged, "Yeah well, that wasn't planned now was it?" I asked, grabbing the water.

"How do you feel?" Scott asked, seeming genuine.

"Like shit, but at least I physically feel how I've emotionally felt right? What are some good drinks here? If I have to restart my recovery, and I've already fucked up, might as well go all out tonight, right?" I asked and he was quiet as I reached for the drink menu that one of Alex's friends left.

"Do you think that's a good idea?" he asked me, and I ignored him, scanning the options. "Shouldn't you-"

"I'll be right back, I want to go try this strawberry daiquiri" I cut him off, sliding out from the booth, fixing the way the skirt was sitting before b-ling it to the bar.

I ordered my drink, grabbing my wallet so I could pay the bartender when someone cleared their throat next to me.

"Leighton? What are you doing here?"

* * * *

Written on: July 10th, 11th, 14th 2022

Word Count: 3.8k

Part Nine

#colbybrock #colbybrockfanfiction #katrinastuart #samgolbach #samgolbachfanfiction #colbybrockimagine #wattpadrecs #addiction #drugaddiction #alcoholaddiction #relapse #triggerwarning #wattpad #alcohol consumption

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disgracedmilfman · 8 months

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I'm still angry and thinking about yesterday. People are cowards. They don't want to approach a stranger and ask if he's okay or if he wants them to call 911. They would rather ask someone else to do it and swoop in and pretend to care once I'm already dealing with it. They'll leave before the ambulance shows up. They won't call 911 again when the medics drive off without doing anything.

They don't want to stay with someone and make sure they get treated right by the public agents who show up next. I was caught out yesterday and had low battery and couldn't record those bastards calling a man in crisis a "human toxic waste dump".

There's a deeper intellectual cowardice that I'm laboring to put into words as well. People don't want to admit that the systems they uphold are always going to let people down. That certain people are always going to slip through the cracks and end up alcoholic, fallen down next to their walker, shitting themselves, still pounding down Rainiers as they scream they're not drunk, exposed ass and legs caked in their own filth.

They would choose to view people like him as individual failures rather than an inevitability under capitalism. Addicts are stigmatized. People are forced to pay for their healthcare, and healthcare only becomes more bloated and corrupt over time. The cops are ineffectual at best, and a threat to life per usual.

These things are going to keep happening as long as people are placated by voting. This is the third time I've had to be the one to stop and deal with a naked man covered in shit or vomit. There is always going to be another person dying in their own filth, in broad daylight, as taxpayers walk by. It is a systemic problem.

I was reading about First Reformed the other day because it's a piece of media that made me feel understood. A lot of people watched that movie and posted online that it was about the "dangers of extremism", that the priest would have gotten sucked into one cause or another because he was already psychologically unstable.

I'm not angry and calling for [redacted] because I'm an extremist, or psychologically unwell, or any other spittle flying off your idle lips. I'm angry and pining for something to happen all of the time because I have my eyes open, and I care about people, and I care about the people you would rather pretend you don't see.

I'm so fucking tired, man. Please don't ever speak to me about voting blue again. Set shit on fire.

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thehonestparent · 11 months

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The Modern Plague cont’d

We cannot erase the internet and social media from our children's lives, the internet is the way of the future whether we want it to be or not. However, we can demand more safety for our children, and put restrictions on our kids' devices, I know nobody wants to be the controlling parent but there is a reason for control and that reason is safety. By putting time limits and search restrictions on your children's devices you are limiting their PUI and SMU, this limits the dangers by not allowing them to see much of the dangerous content and ensures they do not spend too much time on their devices. My favorite thing about the time limits is that you don't have to spend half an hour arguing with the kids about why they shouldn't be spending so much time online. When the timer runs out the device shuts off and that's it there's no negotiation you can even set these timers to specific apps so if the worst happens your children can still use their phones in an emergency. My absolute most important top tip for preventing PUI is DO NOT allow online gaming if your children have a PS4, PS5, Xbox or whatever do not allow them to connect with strangers online. There is a name now for children who show aggressive and addictive behavior as a result of too much online gaming "Internet Gaming Disorder" You wouldn't expose your kids to radiation unnecessarily for fear of them getting cancer so why would you expose them to internet gaming when it's got its own attached illnesses? Sorry, for the harsh words, my Honest Parents but I felt this was a topic that needed discussing I hope this helps you in your parenting journey and I've left links to my sources as well as a tutorial on how to place restrictions on your kids' phones. Until next time the Honest Parent

https://journals-sagepub-com.ezproxy.massey.ac.nz/doi/pdf/10.1177/1461444820908606

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vraska-theunseen · 1 year

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i'm so addicted to dominion online. and i'm not even really that good at it i can't beat like level 37. i think im getting too autistic about it though and not even in the way you'd think with strategy guides (i don't read those that's why i'm bad at game) i started looking up articles about in game etiquette to make sure i'm not missing any hidden rules that make me seem rude bc i was playing with someone who complimented my username (it's coolqueer) and we were having some casual back and forth in the chat (by which i mean i would do a terrible misplay and then i'd be like 'oh drat just made a terrible misplay i totally misread that lol' and they'd be like 'well it would've been fun if it worked') and then i had to go but right before i left it occurred to me to click befriend next to their name (in dominion online u can befriend someone and they show up in ur friends list and if it's an unrequited toggle it's a half heart but if u both click it it's a full heart) and it showed up a full heart and i was like oh fuck i've struck up similarly casual game related conversations in the past did all those people think i'm rude bc i didn't befriend them. but i think i'm just crazy my only other friends on dominion.games are my irl friends who i play with over the phone or during lunch. anyway the only dominion stranger i regret not befriending was this one guy who i matched with at like 3am and we played a few games then i resigned and clicked auto match again and it was them and i was like hm haha and then the same thing happened and i said in the chat "LMAO we are the only people on this website". and THEN it happened a third time and that time they said "lmao okay one more time" and then after that game i said "gg 🫡" and signed off to go to sleep so who knows what happened to them

#alex talks

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sophiesicelebblog · 1 year

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Week 10: Thoughts on Jenny Odell's How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy

Artist Jenny Odell's book How to Do Nothing serves as a reminder to get off the phone, close down the laptop, and allow yourself the time with no other task than to truly notice and pay attention to the world around you: the people, animals, plants, and land that all coexist together. Social media and other tech companies survive and profit off the addictiveness of their products, which is distracting, isolating, and not good for our collective and individual mental healths. Odell emphasizes how in a deeply capitalistic society, our attention may be the final remaining asset we can withhold in resistance - we should be able to do things that are not merely for the sake of productivity! - and the notion of "doing nothing" (more on that later) is an incredibly effective way to do it.

Odell clarifies that this doesn't mean isolating from society (or technology) altogether, and describes how fulfilling the connections we share with neighbors, friends and family, and even strangers, plants, and animals can be.

"If we have only so much attention to give, and only so much time on this earth, we might want to think about reinfusing our attention and our communication with the intention that both deserve." -Jenny Odell

This quote (page 176) is my favorite from the book. I think it jumped out at me because much of the book is about resisting capitalistic hustle/grind culture, which is significant, but I appreciate that here Odell is gently reminding us that our time here is not infinite and is precious (perhaps there's some foreshadowing here for her second book, Saving Time). I feel that the call for intention to how we spend our time, where we devote our attention, and how we communicate is powerful!

So, why did this book became so popular during the COVID-19 era, almost a year after its publication?

I think How to Do Nothing was exactly the messaging people needed to hear at a time when unprecedented numbers of people were isolated, indoors, with only their phones and computer being used for communication. People were scared, which led to increased doom-scrolling through the news, and many people had more "free" time after being laid off, yet had nowhere to go and no funds to spend, thus the vast majority of time spent was online. People needed the nudge to unplug, (safely) get outside, and reconnect with nature and the world around us.

How does the attention economy benefit from our social media activity and media streaming consumption, and how does this book relate to the topic of celebrity culture?

I think the attention economy benefits from our activities and consumption, fundamntally, on a financial level. The more we engage and the more time we spend on our various technological devices, the more ads they sell. They get to know us through what we engage with online, providing increasingly tailored ads, showing us a nonstop barrage of advertisements for products we're conditioned to think we need, benefitting the advertisers. The more we find people we agree with (or disagree with) online, the more we find people to yell into the void with (or at), which increases our time on the platforms, and the cycle continues.

(Most) celebrities have learned that to remain relevant in the public eye, they must provide a constant flow of content for followers and subscribers to like and comment on. They, too, are coproducing and benefitting from the attention economy. We cannot help but compare ourselves to others we encounter in these online spaces, perhaps especially the aspirational lifestyles projected by celebrities online, which contributes to our capitalistic mindsets that we must purchase and spend more and more, and therefore must spend more of our time working to afford such luxuries. It's also noteworthy that time spent regularly posting online is time that could be spent resting/relaxing or connecting with nature; this is another way in which we've been conditioned to think our free time should still go towards producing.

What does Odell mean by 'doing nothing?' Are we capable of doing nothing? How does nature factor into this?

youtube

While I do not think we are literally capable of doing "nothing" (we're always breathing, with blood pumping, hearts beating, neurons firing in our brains), I think we can "do nothing" in the sense that I think Odell means: that we can spend time not at work, not to create profit or production. Simple activities such as taking a walk with a friend, sitting on a park bench, or admiring art in a museum - with phones put away! - are all examples of "doing nothing" that are nurturing and fulfilling for the soul, body, and mind, and have absolutely no root in or benefit to capitalism. In this sense, we are absolutely capable of "doing nothing."

Simply put, we're not meant to be on this earth only to produce; our lives are worth more than that! Nature plays a huge role in this. Western thinking largely considers nature as a barrier to progress, a resource for materials or land development, which completely neglects our place amongst it and our responsibility to all of earth's plants and creatures. We all survive in the ecosystem together, all life should be accountable to each other. I think Odell's developed friendship with birds, particularly the birds in her neighborhood, is a lovely example of a first step of how we can reexamine our relationship to animal and plant wildlife and the role we play in connection to them.

Time to get honest about my own tech habits...

I do try my best to take some digital detox breaks in the form of hikes/long walks and trips to the beach when I can (I especially love sitting by the ocean, listening to the waves, reading a book). It's likely clear, however, that these are seasonally dependent, so I don't get to do it quite as much as I would like to! I do run several times a week and try to make time for yoga almost daily, but admittedly both of those activities still involve some kind of technology (I listen to music while I run and I follow along with a yoga instructor online). During the quarantine era, I would go on six-mile walks with my partner at least a few days a week and we usually wouldn't be on our phones for that time, but other than that I spent the majority of my time in 2020 staring at a screen, for sure! Increased time away from my phone is definitely something I would like to prioritize in the future.

When I go to sleep, I'm pretty good about not being on my phone, but I do watch TV in bed to help me wind down, and occasionally I fall asleep with the TV on. The light of the screen wakes me up in the middle of the night, I turn it off, but now the damage is done, I have a hard time getting back to sleep and, next thing you know, I turn the TV back on to help me fall asleep again. What a terrible cycle! It's something I've been working on and I've definitely been improving, but it's difficult for my anxiety-brain to shut off without some kind of noise distraction at the end of the day. I'll keep working on it!

Forgive me, for I am no artist! Nevertheless, here's my map of my Digital Detox Walk as well as some reflections:

For my Digital Detox, I took a walk from my apartment in the Lower East Side, across the Williamsburg bridge, did a small loop in Williamsburg, and crossed the bridge back home.

Normally, if I was going on a walk like this I would listen to a podcast, so this was definitely different! Admittedly, at first I found myself feeling anxious, thinking of my to-do list and how I felt like I should be using my time more productively. I had to remind myself that that is exactly the kind of thinking that this time was meant to combat (and, ironically, this was an item on the to-do list, as it was for class). After a while, though, I was happily enjoying the sunshine and warm breeze over the water. I took some time at the top of the bridge to watch the boats on the East River and observe lots of strollers and cute dogs on the path. The traffic felt loud! Most everyone appeared in high spirits, however; the warm weather was seemingly having a positive effect on everyone, which was lovely to see. My thoughts were all over the place; I was reminded of a teacher who once told me I have a brain like a squirrel, scurrying quickly from one place to the next, which felt accurate, and gave me a chuckle. All in all I enjoyed myself, and I'd like to get better at not needing background noise from a TV or headphones to quiet my anxious thoughts and ease my mind.

#Youtube

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menalez · 2 years

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I thought that topic of discourse was stupid when I first found out about it and still do. I’ve heard so many gay men jokingly say they’d sleep with a woman personally. Of course it’s a joke when they say it, it’s obvious. I’ve also heard straight women say they would sleep with their best friend or some female celebrity they think looks pretty could get it. Lesbians say it and we get labelled as a political lesbian or bisexual depending on the space.

And to blame it on bi women is very sketchy to me. Bi lesbians is a relatively new development in libfem circles and it was only recently “accepted” (in the loosest of terms) that some lesbians date men in those circles as well. Seven to ten years ago it was somehow bi women’s fault because they used the term gay instead of bisexual. That’s ridiculous to me because this conversation has been going on since I was a teen in the mid 90s.

I think it’s interesting how lesbians are the only ones constantly questioned as whether they’re really homosexual. To me this is an issue of misogyny and homophobia. It’s hard for anyone to believe women are not sexually available to men and those hurtful questions are the reason why. The issue of lesbians and gay men looking at opposite sex porn makes sense to me because we’ve seen countless studies showing that porn rewires the brain to find things that we normally wouldn’t find appealing sexually appealing. It’s not too far of a stretch that these young lesbians and gay men who are very much pro-porn would announce proudly that they watch opposite sex porn because they’re addicted at the end of the day. The contents matter less and less to them, what matters is that they’re getting off.

i will say i dont get people joking online or with strangers that theyd bang some person of a sex theyre not into, but ive joked with my gay male friends (who made similar jokes to me) that id make an exception for them. part of the joke is that we both know theres no way thatd be the case. but joking online that ur [sexuality] but wanna bang some random celeb of a sex ur not attracted to is a bit weird to me. despite that, i know people DO make those jokes so i will say that yeah i dont think using that as an indication of someone's sexuality is fair esp when theyve already made it perfectly clear theyre exclusively into one sex.

i will say the bi lesbian stuff and the political lesbians throughout lesbian history have made it harder for lesbians. it has made lesbians as a group more serious about this and wary of it because there are self-proclaimed lesbians who genuinely mean it when they say theyd get with a male cause they think hes hot. there are women who insist theyre lesbians while openly talking about being into men or having been into men in the past. there are phenomenas like LUG (lesbian until graduation) as well.

despite that, i still think everyone is excessively distrusting of lesbians being actually lesbians. despite there being women who claim 2 be lesbians while not being that, we're still one of the tiniest portions of the entire community. and im willing to bet the majority of us are still actually lesbians. its best to believe someone on their sexuality until they make it clear theyre either misusing the term lesbian or lying, not assuming they're misusing the term or lying until they prove otherwise. stuff like what porn someone views, while confusing to me, doesn't indicate sexuality necessarily because as u said porn rewires ppl's brains and people watch all sorts of fucked up shit that they actually have no interest in.

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sagechanoafterdark · 3 years

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The Chat Room 3

Pairing: Steve x Reader

Warnings: language, online style text, various kinks, masturbation, praise kink, domination, breeding, Capitan kink, dirty talk, size kink, soft!dom Steve

Synopsis: In the final chapter everything comes to a head as Steve becomes impatient with your arrangement and he’s ready to claim you as his.

A/N: Thank you everyone for waiting for this fic. SUPER SPECIAL THANK YOU goes out to my darling wife @iwantutobehapppier for being my rock, reading my work for me and encouraging me to complete things. This is the final chapter for The Chat Room series and there wont be any more after this. Enjoy!

Read The Chat Room Here

Steve was in trouble.

Weeks of chatting with you and he’d become, in a short word, addicted.

With every vibration of his phone, Steve found himself checking it to see if the messages were from you. Fingers itching to look at his phone during debriefs and conversations in his day, before disappointment followed when it wasn’t you.

You filled his thoughts and every waking moment he found himself comparing other women unfavorably to you. They weren’t curvy enough, the swell of your hips perfect for his hands. They weren’t witty enough, the bite of your sarcasm always managed to keep him on his toes. They simply weren’t you.

Even his day-to-day routines began to suffer. When he’d repeated the same sentence three times in a row to Bucky after you’d walked into the room sweaty from your hot yoga session with Wanda his best friend asked jokingly if he was having a stroke.

He couldn’t focus knowing that the embodiment of nearly every fantasy he’d ever had slept just a few doors down from him. More than once now he’d fisted himself to an urgent orgasm in the bathroom of the jet because you’d inadvertently moaned loud as Bucky reset your arm, or smirked when you’d taken out an enemy agent.

He was a wreck.

Tonight you’d left for yet another girls night out. Natasha sat in the living room waiting for you and Wanda and throwing popcorn into Bucky’s waiting mouth. It was a good laugh and distracted him long enough that was until you came into the room.

Thank god the popcorn bowl was in his lap cause the moment you stood there, wearing a low-cut little black dress that showed off the swell of your cleavage and the length of your legs he’d grown instantly hard.

Bucky whistled low, gaze sweeping from bottom to top, “Looking, fine tonight ladies. The clubs won’t know what hit ‘em.”

The three of you laughed but Steve’s gaze was firmly set on how your dress barely covered the swell of your ass, your soft thighs bare to anyone’s gaze and it didn’t settle well in his belly. It took Bucky elbowing him in the shin to realize he was frowning, “Oh, you ladies have a good night.”

A chorus of laughs and waves ended the brief conversation, but Steve didn’t miss the way your eyes lingered on him as you boarded the elevator.

Phone vibrating with a message not three minutes later, “Cool your jets Cap. I’ll be online in 3 hours. We can play then.”

Steve frowned again. Play.

That’s all this was to you, a game. But deep inside Steve knew it wasn’t a game to him. Not anymore.

He wanted more and watching the opening scene to the scifi movie Sam and Bucky had argued over for at least twenty minutes that night, Steve knew he wanted it now.

A little over three hours later he’d retreated to his room after the second movie was popped in. His laptop perched on his chest, eyes becoming bleary as he read yet another article online when the chat room pinged. Inwardly cursing at his pavlovian response to check the message he grinned when your greeting flashed on the screen.

Urdoll: Hey there stranger

HowlComndo18: Hey yourself

HowlComndo18 pulling you close, groping your ass firmly

Urdoll moaning and leaning in closer to you

HowlComndo18 kissing you possessively, groping harder

Urdoll kissing you back, rocking my hips a little, hands sliding up over your chest and against your neck

HowlComndo18: Have a good night out?

Urdoll: No. I’ll have you know I’ve been thinking about you all night.

HowlComndo18 squeezing your ass hard, biting your neck

HowlComndo18: So you must be extra needy

Urdoll: Thought you liked it when I was needy

HowlComndo18 taking my cock out, giving a firm squeeze, and stroking to show you how hard I am

HowlComndo18: I always like you needy

Urdoll licking my lips while I look at your cock

HowlComndo18: Hungry?

Urdoll: Starving

HowlComndo18: You know what I want then

Urdoll dropping to my knees opening my mouth and holding out my tongue for you

HowlComndo18 slowly feeding you my cock

HowlComndo18: Good girl... show me what a horny slut you are for me

Urdoll wrapping my lips around your cock, head bobbing as I take more and more of you into my mouth. Cheeks hollow, moaning around you hands braced on your thighs slurping around your cock

HowlComndo18: mmmm you’re always so good at this, nice and sloppy for me

Urdoll slurping up and down your cock, moving my head faster, pulling all the way off your cock then licking up and down the length before sucking the head, pulling more into my mouth

HowlComndo18: How bad do you need it, sweetheart?

Urdoll: mmmm so bad

HowlComndo18 squeezing your tits, rolling and tugging your nipples as you work my cock more

Urdoll moaning, hands wrapping around the base as I work you faster with my mouth, slurping up to the head of your cock with a pop

Urdoll leans up pressing my mouth to yours, thrusting my tongue into your mouth and kissing you hard, moaning as my hands work up and down your cock

HowlComndo18: Good girl

HowlComndo18: What do you need

Urdoll: Need your cock fucking me

HowlComndo18: Want my cum in you sweetheart

Urdoll: Yes

HowlComndo18 pressing you up against the window in your room, showing you off against the glass as I press my cock into you from behind

Urdoll moans, hands shrieking against the glass nipples peeking arching my back

HowlComndo18: mmm fuck... your pussy is so god damn tight

HowlComndo18 rocking my hips, fucking you deep and steady

Urdoll: Fuck, your cock feels so good.

HowlComndo18 twisting your nipples, then stroking your clit as I keep fucking up into you

Urdoll mouth dropping open with a moan, hands shrieking against the glass as I look out the window feeling your thick cock pumping into me

HowlComndo18: you like everyone knowing the real you?

HowlComndo18 rutting steadily, biting your neck and marking you

Urdoll tipping my head baring my neck to you more, hips rocking back against you, hand reaching down and pinching my nipples

Urdoll: The real me?

HowlComndo18 fucking my cock into you faster

HowlComndo18: Addicted to my cock

Urdoll grinding my pussy against you, holding onto the window frame

Urdoll: Fuck I need your cock right now, I’m so god damn wet

HowlComndo18 fucking you even faster now, grunting into your ear

Urdoll: Oh fuck, I wanna cum

HowlComndo18: That’s it, sweetheart

Urdoll: fuck fuck fuck

HowlComndo18: Lose control for me

Urdoll rocking back on you harder, fingers rubbing at my clit, arching my back more moaning against the glass

HowlComndo18: Who owns this pussy sweetheart

Urdoll: fuck, you do Steve

HowlComndo18: that's it sweetheart, such a good girl for me Urdoll: please Steve I need it, need your cock so bad

HowlComndo18: (Idol)

Urdoll: hello?

Urdoll: Steve?

Frantic knocking on your door made you yelp, scoffing as your hands pulled out the vibrator from the band of your underwear. Grumbling you slid out of bed, tossing the object onto the mattress before adjusting your damp sleep shorts. Pressing your eye against the peephole you cursed, “Are you fucking kidding me.”

Opening the door you tried to block him but Steve pushed past you, entering your room, his sweat pants slung excessively low on his narrow hips. “We can’t keep doing this,” he hissed out, running a hand through his blonde hair.

Closing the door you pinched the bridge of your nose, “Steve, we agreed on this. It’s just fun.”

“I know,” he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck before dropping his hand against his thigh. “I know it’s just-”

“Just fun,” you affirmed, crossing your arms in front of you. The silence hung between the both of you, acutely aware of Steve’s still hard cock tenting the front of his sweats as you tried not to openly stare. “Maybe...Maybe, we shouldn’t do this anymore Steve.”

“What?”

“You’re blurring the line.”

Steve scoffed, “What line? You said I owned you less than five minutes ago. The line vanished weeks ago when you started teasing me through personal text messages instead of just in the chat room.”

“It’s a fantasy, Steve” you shouted. Your arousal evolving into pent-up frustration as the world you and Steve had built was suddenly crumbling around you. “We can’t do those things for real! We work together.”

Steve growled out your name, taking a step towards you. But you backed away, holding up your hand he pressed closer to you. You couldn’t meet his gaze, looking away with a scoff as you continued, “You know I thought this was just fun. Doing this with someone I could trust to hold the line. Someone who wouldn’t want more. Someone who wouldn’t beg for pictures or a phone fuck or, god forbid, a one-night hookup.”

Swallowing hard your hand met with Steve’s chest as he pressed you against the door, the heat from his body lighting your already sensitive nerves on fire, as the coil of anticipation in your belly tightened down. Licking your lips nervously, you tried and failed to hide the tremor in your voice, “But I was wrong.”

Looking up into sea-blue eyes, his pupils were blown and you tried not to pay attention as his cock pressing against your belly. You tried not to want to melt against him but your already wound-up body responded, your pussy clenched around nothing.

Steves hand slid up against your jaw, his thumb tracing your lower lip as you spoke, “W-We’re done with this, Steve.”

His thumb slipped between your lips, pressing against your tongue; a smirk forming on his lips that had a gasp escaping your throat. Leaning forward, the scratch of his beard tickling your cheek as his lips hovering above your ear, “We’re done when I say we’re done.”

Turning your head Steve’s thumb dragged wet against your cheek as your lips found his. Kissing you with ferocity and hunger you’d been dreaming about for weeks. His hands tangling in your hair as he wrestled control of the kiss from you, his tongue stroking along yours, tasting and moaning before grunting as your teeth caught his plush bottom lip.

Cursing under his breath a snarl left him as his hips began grinding against you, cock rubbing over your thigh and belly. Hands reaching down you gasped against him as he easily lifted you, fingers dimpling the flesh of your ass and slamming you back against the door with a thud.

“Steve,” you whimpered against his lips, hands carding into the hair at the back of his head. “We can’t.”

Gasping as he rutted his hips against you shamelessly, brushing your already sensitive clit. Fisting a hand in the long locks of hair you pulled his head back, exposing his throat. Steve moaned, blue eyes flying open as you snarled down at him, “I’m not playing anymore Steve.”

A smirk pulled at his kiss swollen lips, “Who’s playing?”

His hands forcing your legs higher around his hips, Steve shifted you against the door his hands cupping your breasts, thumbs pressed against your nipples. He began rubbing in a circular motion and your hand let go of its grip on his hair. Your head softly thumped against the door as a groan left your throat. Pressing your chest out for his greedy hands, heels digging into his ass as you pulled him harder against you.

“That’s it, sweetheart,” he cooed, hands kneading your breasts before lifting them and pressing soft kisses against the nipples. “That’s it, give in. You know you want to.”

Your hips had started to grind against him as he held you up against the door, a shiver of pleasure coursing through you as you felt his teeth dimpling your breast. “Steve,” you whined, fingers digging into his shoulders. “Steve, please.”

He hummed, the vibration thrumming through your chest and straight down to your core. “Please what sweetheart?”

“Fuck,” the curse slipped from you as he pulled the neck of your tank top down, fully exposing your breasts to his mouth. A squeal of delight bursting forward as his lips attached to a nipple, tongue lathing against it and making your skin break out in goosebumps.

Any thought of pushing Steve away vanished, your hands pressing him closer against your breast as you felt the cut of his teeth and the scratch of his beard over your sensitive flesh. “Fuck, I need it, Steve! Please,” you begged breathlessly.

“Need what sweet girl,” he rumbled against you, lips leaving your nipple as his fingers teased and twisted. Leaning up he pecked against your panting mouth, “What is it you need from me?”

God, he was gonna make you say it. Why did he have to make you say it?

His hips jerked particularly hard against you, grinding your clit against his cock and your mouth fell open, “Need your cock Steve please.”

“Good girl,” he rumbled against your lips. “Such a good girl for me.”

A wave of euphoria like you’d never felt before coursed through you at the praise. Before you knew it Steve was dropping you onto your bed, shedding his white shirt. Your tanktop joined it on the floor before his hands looped into the waistband of your shorts stripping both them and your underwear from your body.

Your hand brazenly dripped down between your folds, rubbing yourself as Steve stared down at you in what could only be pure awe. Dragging a finger through your mess of curls and between your lower lips, glistening with your slick before marveling, “You’re wetter than I imagined.”

Thrusting a finger into you, Steve pulled an aching cry from your lungs as your legs fell open for him. One then two fingers sliding in and out of your soaking wet core. Hooking against your walls before pulling his hand away. Popping both fingers into his mouth with a moan, “Taste so good sweetheart. Can’t wait to get my mouth on that pussy.”

Hips flexing your hands tugged at your nipples with just the thought of riding Steve’s face. How his beard would scratch against your thighs as his tongue tasted you, moaning between your legs; a fantasy you’d indulged in many times before coming true. A high-pitched whine left you as your hips bucked in the air.

“Not right now though,” he chuckled, sliding back from the bed. His thumbs looping into the band on his sweats as he began to slowly push them down. “Right now I have other plans.”

“Fuuuuuuck,” you groaned as the gray sweats fell to the floor. Steves cock was a sight to see thick with just the right amount of body hair. Your eyes were drawn to the thick vein running down the bottom of his shaft, the head of his cock red and swollen as a bead of precum dripping from the tip. Holy fuck you needed him.

Your tongue licked at your bottom lip out of instinct and Steve chuckled as he fisted his cock, giving a few heavy pumps as your eyes grew wide with the motion. “You can have a taste later sweetheart,” Steve chuckled as he climbed over you.

Legs falling back open, the head of his cock brushed against your thigh before Steve leaned down for an almost tender kiss. His lips barely meeting yours before his hips rutted against you. Smearing a wet bead of precum along your leg before he rubbed the shaft of his cock against your folds. Bumping your swollen clit and making a whimper fall from your lips.

The breath shuddering from your lungs as you felt the girth of his head pressing against you, barley in, all it would take is a thrust for him to sheath himself into you. God did you want it.

The muscles in his abdomen twitched as a choked sound left Steve’s throat, “You know what I want to hear sweet girl. Say it again for me.”

Hand resting on his shoulder you slid to his cheek, guiding his fixed gaze up to your eyes as his breathing leveled out. Locking eyes with Steve the softest of moans leaving your lips as he unconsciously pressed in a little more, “Fuck me, Steve. Need your cock in me.”

Holding your hips before sliding around the back of your thigh, Steve began to slowly thrust into you. The breath catching in your lungs as his cock pressed deeper. It felt like you couldn’t breathe until his hips met your own and even then it was a struggle.

Steve started a series of shallow thrusts.

“Doing so good for me,” he whispered, pressing kisses against your panting mouth. “Taking my cock so well, sweetheart.”

Turning your head your lips captured his, hands tangling into his hair and pulling him tight as you whimpered against him. Hips rocking and meeting his thrusts as you begged, “Please Steve,” you whispered against his lips, “Fuck me. I need it. Need you so bad.”

A breathy laugh left him as he pulled back, “Yeah? You want to fuck me, sweet girl?”

“Yes.”

Leaning back on his knees Steve lifted you against him, straddling his thighs as your own were spread wide and he slid even deeper into you. His hands guided you up and down his cock, starting a harder pace as you bounced on him. “That’s it darling,” he grunted, “Fuck yourself on my cock, just like that.”

Moaning, your hands dug into his shoulders. Holding on for dear life as you rode against him, your sensitive clit throbbing with every brush against his pelvis and the steady building pace you’d set for yourself.

If he had his way, Steve could watch you all day. His hand going around your neck, just holding as you worked your throbbing pussy over him, a moan bursting from your throat as a flush of pleasure made your eyes droop.

Rolling you back onto the bed and lifting your legs against his shoulders he felt you clench around him, your hips never stopping as you tried to fuck yourself against him again. He chuckled, “Desperate girl.”

Setting a furious pace, Steve grunted as you threw your head back and moaned, fingers digging into his forearms. His thumb rubbing at your abused and swollen clit as you began chanting over and over, “Yes, yes, yes,” the breath gasping from your body, “More Steve, more.”

“Who do you belong to,” Steve growled over you.

“You,” you replied in a breathless moan. “I belong to you, Steve.”

Another cry left you as his thrusts grew sloppy and your own moans more urgent, your fingers dipping down between you to replace his hand on your clit. He slapped your hand away as his own fingers returned, “You gonna cum for me sweetheart,” he growled, watching you nod your head in desperation. Sweat beading on your forehead as your eyes nearly rolled back in your head. “Gonna cum all over my cock like a good girl?”

“Please, please,” you babbled.

A curse left Steve’s lips, “Squeezing me so tight,” he mused, “Beg for it, beg for my cum like the good little slut you are.”

The pressure built in your belly at the desperation in his voice, the command you couldn’t ignore and didn’t want to. “Please,” you chanted out, hips rocking harder against him as his fingers strummed against your clit. “Please cum in me I need it.”

“Need what?”

“Need your cum,” you moaned out, head rolling against the sheets. “Fucking fill me. I wanna be full, please Steve.”

A cry left you as the coil building in you finally snapped, your legs trembling as the tension left every one of your muscles at once. Nails digging into Steve’s forearms as he held your hips, your pussy clenching down around him as a deep moan left him. Cock twitching as he filled you to the brim, a wave of euphoria hitting you as you’d never felt before.

Breathing heavily, Steve let your legs fall down to the mattress as he pulled his cock from you. Fingers pushing his leaking cum back into you as you caught your breath, laying spread eagle on the bed. Steve slid up against you, his chest sweaty as he kissed you tenderly and you basked in it.

Body overwrought with pleasure and relief as your heart thundered in your ears. Closing your eyes you lazily brought your hands up, rolling against Steve’s chest and tucking yourself under his chin. Leaning up you pressed a kiss to the underside of his throat. Legs tangling together as the chill of the room set into your skin.

Steve leaned down kissing you again, his time his tongue slipping between your lips tasting you, and pulling a pleased moan from you.

“No more games,” he whispered against your lips as he pulled back, sending a shiver down your spine. Your eyes opened briefly, his blue gaze piercing through you. “You’re mine now, and I’m not sharing you with the rest of the world again.”

End.

#steve rogers x you #steve rogers x reader #stever rogers/reader #stever rogers/you #steve rogers #captain america x you #captain america x reader #captain america/you #captain america/reader #captain america #mcu #avengers #captain america x y/n #captain america x reader smut #captain america x female reader

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boldlyvoid · 3 years

Text

Intro and masterlist

✨about me ✨

this is a mature blog, I trust all minors to be responsible and avoid everything marked NSFW!

NSFW sideblog: @pervstash-spencer

Hi! my name is emily, I'm 23 she/they

Capricorn, bisexual, non-binary, autistic, and I have fibromyalgia ✌🏻 overall just a fun time y'know.

ao3

i love: supernatural, star trek, marvel movies, criminal minds, this is us and grey's anatomy !!

Accepting requests for Spencer Reid x Reader fics currently

all my tags are listed below if you want to see other posts about said fics, also here is my Spotify for the fics <3

Dad!spencer Masterlist

First times Masterlist**

all links to my fics below the cut!

Updated: July 28th, 2021

** for smut

~~ for angst

Spencer Reid x Reader fics

Hypothetically**~ Ao3 | Tumblr -- 27 chapters, complete. 89k

reader and Spencer were friends in kindergarten, she watched him grow up and explore the world while she was still trying to catch up to him. now that they work together, they fall in love incredibly fast.

friends to lovers, case of the week style story

touch me**~ Ao3 | Tumblr 5.8k

Spencer is incredibly touch-starved and hard on himself since coming home from prison. Luckily, the medical examiner in this small town is really good at reading people, and exactly what he needs.

amethyst you so much P1 Ao3 | Tumblr 6.4k

Spencer has had a crush on Y/N since she started working at the bau. She only ever works the night shift after a case, handling all the aftermath gracefully. one night, Spencer stays back and they strike up a conversation about rocks, causing their feelings to dig a little deeper.

of quartz i will P2** Ao3 | Tumblr 6K

after 2 years of dating, Spencer decides it's finally time to get Y/N something to match her Amethyst bracelet.

Amoreena**~ Ao3 | Tumblr Completed 83k

Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Seven* Tumblr WIP

Summary: Spencer’s been married to Y/N for 7 years now, they have 7 children together and each one is going through something different. Spencer’s always wanted to be the best dad, now he gets to figure out how to be.

the guy at the rock show Ao3 | Tumblr 5.6K

Y/N lost their parents when they were 17, finding a new home and solace in Penelope Garcia and taking the Garcia name. They're the top forensic specialist in D.C, in a band and they drive a motorcycle... not to mention they are madly in love with the cute doctor who works with their sister.

journey to Camelot** Ao3 | Tumblr 3.8K

When Penelope introduces Spencer to online games, he expects to be spending his nights alone. Yet, somehow every time he comes back from a bad case, he logs on to chat with the ever so lovely user FairlyGwen and getting a lot more than just a helpful tip from her.

Exploration** Ao3 | Tumblr 4.7K

request: season1/2 spencer walking in on reader while she's watching porn in their shared hotel room

Expedition** Tumblr 1.2K

Summary: there's a first time for everything... including joining the mile high club with your boyfriend on the work jet.

10 Days Ao3 | Tumblr 1.4K

it's spencer's first father's day and he's extremely emotional about the little love of his life that he's only just met. he spends the day with his baby, Edwin, and his wife, crying and happy about how wonderful new little lives are.

ain't it fun?** Ao3 | Tumblr Masterlist 11K

reader just needs an NA meeting before they have a meltdown, they end up with the best friend they could ever make.

I'm not kidding!** Tumblr 6K

Spencer keeps getting little notes from a secret admirer, they're nice and sweet at first as they tease him with their crush until she's sending him notes about all the dirty things she wants to do to him

Perfect Timing** Tumblr 1K

spencer and reader have been spending the last month together in the same hotel room during a pretty brutal case. tension has been rising and she's completely in love with him.

what happens when they both think the other won't be back for a while and they want to shower?

Redamancy** Tumblr 5.4K

the co-op librarian at the FBI Academy has been secretly crushing on the smartest agent in the Bureau, TA, Doctor Spencer Reid, and he's been crushing on her too.

Being Neighbourly** Tumblr 1.9K

Request: reader is Spencers neighbour and she can hear him masturbating every night that he's home how do you have her deal with that?

Professional Hair Dresser (Ph.D)** Tumblr 6.4K

summary: after Spencer's knee injury, he starts visiting a salon every week to get his hair washed

36 Questions to Fall in Love Tumblr 8K

Summary: When Derek bets Spencer that he cant make someone fall in love with him in a week, he doesn’t expect Spencer to marry the girl the next day

New Romantics** Tumblr 23k

Summary: She needs help studying for her Case Exercises at the Academy, He needs a date for the annual Banquet... they just so happen to be neighbours who aren't afraid to lend a helping hand, or in this case, a helping kiss.

Million Dollar Man** | Tumblr WIP 5k so far

summary: Spencer's therapist recommended he branch out and meet new people who don't want to talk about his work... she didn't expect him to sign up for a Sugar Daddy website.

Sugar, Honey, Ice Tea** | Y/N version | 1-4, 5-9, Epilogue 25.6k

Summary: Fix-it-fic: Dr. Y/L/N and Savannah Hayes have been best friends since their medical internship at Bethesda General. When she receives a frantic call that Derek's best friend is being transferred to the prison she works at, an unlikely friendship bubbles.

Eventually falling head over heels for the innocent man.

Warnings: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Prison, Prison Violence, Assault, Blood, Depression, Murder, Self-Hatred, Hurt Spencer Reid, Canon-Typical Violence, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Drug Addiction, References to Drugs, Drug Use, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Romantic Tension, Forbidden Love, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Strangers to Lovers, Requited Love, Falling In Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, Eventual Smut, past abusive relationship, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault

Spencer x Ethan

Ruin it.** Tumblr 5.4K

Summary: Spencer never had sleepovers as a kid, so now that he's an adult he's always sleeping over at Ethan's house, ad he'll take any excuse to crawl into bed beside him.

Warnings: mutual pining, love concessions, blowjobs, handjobs, anal sex (both top and bottom spencer in this), childhood friends to lovers

400 Celebration fics

Reid Me Tumblr 2.5K

Spencer has noticed a beautiful woman at a spirituality booth at the farmers market every Saturday for almost a whole year now. he finally asks her to give him a reading.

mystery of love Tumblr 700

Spencer surprises his wife with a trip to Italy.

Spy Kids Tumblr 900

Spencer and Y/N's kids think that they are secretly spies and request a mission story before bed.

a father's greatest weakness Tumblr 1K

Princess Y/N is betrothed to the Viking king in an effort by her father to keep the peace between their countries, he doesn't expect her to join in the fight to free Scottland.

Luke x Reader

Best Dad Ever 2.8K

Request: angst with a happy ending, reader and luke have been divorced for a few years but have a child, she tries and tries to fall out of love with him but he's around so often that she can't

Spencer x OC

Sugar Honey Ice Tea** Ao3 | WIP 9/10 chapters complete 25.6K

Fix-it-fic: Dr. Beth Pattinson and Savannah Hayes have been best friends since their medical internship at Bethesda General. When she receives a frantic call that Derek's best friend is being transferred to the prison she works at, an unlikely friendship bubbles.

Eventually falling head over heels for the innocent man.

Intro to Criminal Minds: Why They Did It Ao3 | Tumblr WIP 6K+

Spencer is teaching a 7-week seminar on the most interesting criminal cases, explaining their actions to understand why they took place. Only, not everyone in the audience is a student.

Criminal Minds x Mindhunter AU

Spencer x OC Peggy Carr

Franklin x Reader

Voulez-Vouz** | 3.2k

Summary: in a small town, everyone knows each other… or at least they think they do.

Warnings: porn with plot, smut, Dom reader, Sub!Perv!franklin, making out, teasing, face sitting, oral (female and male), hand jobs, overstimulation, prostate message, multiple orgasms, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, let me know if I forgot anything.

Chip x Reader

forever is the sweetest con** | 6.2K

Summary: Reader’s dad is a carpenter; sometimes he takes on apprentices and sometimes, if they’re lucky, they get his daughter’s number at the end of their training. Chip Taylor, however, hits the jackpot when her father invites him over for one of her homecooked meals.

Warnings: reader’s mom passed away, mentions of parental death, strangers to lovers, random acts of kindness, mutual pining, falling in love, steamy make-outs, oral sex (male and female receiving), fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, creampie, dirty talk, sub!chip, food mentions, praise, love confessions.

Raymond x Reader

Alone Together ** | 2.4K

Summary: Raymond moves into a haunted house and ends up sleeping with the ghost who lives there... only he doesn't know that when you fuck a ghost you also become one.

Warnings: details of suicide and murder, blowjobs, pegging, bottom!raymond, top!reader, becoming a ghost, major character death.

Star Trek Masterlist

Star Wars fix it fic

Supernatural masterlist

thanks for all the love, as always,

-Emily <3

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