#or at least a fucking sensible 14 degrees

[hiddenworldofmary]

temperature outside got over 25 degrees and i immediately got a headache

#heat is not it #it’s nice to see leaves but i’d argue that it’s bettter to not see them if it also means sun and heat and bugs and heat and sun #i want winter back #or at least a fucking sensible 14 degrees #i’m seriously considering constructing an anti bug net cage for myself #to enjoy time on the rooftop terrace without being attacked by the environment #the bugs are so so awful #spring #the biggest benefit of the season so far is asparagus #also nice wild flowers my mom picks up and puts on the table #mine #winter

[moved-to-darkplanets]

13, 14, 15, 17?

13. What makes you feel most “at home”? What types of sights, sounds, smells, etc. remind you of your kintype and put you at ease?

During even weak shifts the dark soothes rather than unnerves me. I am part of it, an extension of it contemplating itself. Standing in a darkened gym with no lights but the faint glow of security cameras is an incredibly zen feeling.

And I've said this before, it's a bit silly, but haunted houses are MASSIVE shift triggers. Dark, prowling halls where I am but one creature of the night among others are bliss, one of the easiest ways to feel like "myself" again. I go to as many as I can afford during spooky season.

I've also always had a strong connection to the waters that isn't always in the foreground depending on what form I've taken, but when it is, being near bodies of water, especially the ocean. The creature wants nothing more than to slither into the depths and to the ruins beneath, never to return.

14. On the flipside, what environments would make your kintype on edge? Do any of your fears now connect to things experienced/feared by your kintypes?

Loud, bright crowded places full of humans I can't get away from, such as shopping malls, are no good at all. I'm well aware that this is a kintype 🤝 ADHD thing, but still, the lens I filter it through is very much that of a creature outside of an environment where it's safe and comfortable rather than as an overstimulated human.

Another thing is as a creature of the dark in every sense of the word, a specific aesthetic of bright, "holy" things and Christian angel imagery makes my skin crawl for reasons I cannot find the words to articulate. Seeing as this kintype is psychological and has a definite component of religious trauma in its formation, this is also really not a surprise to me.

15. What was your first reaction to/opinion of your kintype? How has your opinion changed upon realizing that they, or at least a version of them, are you?

I read a lot of Cthulhu Mythos as a kid, and I always felt a strong sense empathy and fascination for the creatures within rather than fear. Particularly in the writings of Lovecraft himself and those with similar worldviews, where the horror is supposed to come in thier being repulsive and strange to human sensibilities rather than the danger they pose. My reaction was very much always "but why though?"

To be honest, when I discovered my kintype I was mostly relieved to have a label that clicked and the knowledge that there's no need to narrow it down to one specific form identifiable as "me" to still be otherkin. But with that settled it just made so much glorious sense. As someone rejected and othered by human society for not being wired like them and always drawn to things that were too, monsters feared more for disrupting people's delicate view of "normalcy" than anything, of course I had factored this into my self-image in a non-trivial way, to the degree that to be rid of it (if it would be even possible) would leave me a completely different, emptier being.

17. If you could, would you want to be your kintype? What would be some pros and cons of that if that were possible?

Yes, but only if I was not living on Earth. For one, I'm pretty sure I'm not made of regular matter and who knows what effects that would have on the planet. And the more pressing issue is that my kintype is solitary and aggressive as fuck. The bite-tear-kill thoughts in response to annoyance/feeling cornered/etc are very real and would lead to a body count if the creature was out mingling with the public on a daily basis.

The pros if Im in a different dimension are very real though. My species dysphoria would be gone is a pretty fucking big one. No more chronic pain and brain fog either. I would also be in more of a position to understand the true nature of my shapeshifting, no longer the incomprehensible trying to understand itself through a meaty human substrate. I would also a hell of a lot more intimidating so that would also be nice, heh...

#Otherkin #eldritchkin #monsterkin #Alterhuman #Ask game #Anon ask #Anon response

[mightydragoon]

Pray for Piett

@silvereddaye​

Piett isn’t paid enough for the skywalker family drama bullshit. 

(comprised in no particular order, some stories are more explicit than others with Pray for Piett) 

1.  Compromising -samvelg

5 + 1 Five times Admiral Piett misunderstands the nature of Luke and Vader's relationship, and the one time he doesn't.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11539302/chapters/25908651

2. For Want of a Skywalker--- acuteneurosis

After the miracle of having survived Bespin, Piett does not ask why they are stopping on Tatooine. Or why Lord Vader suddenly has acquired a small child. Or why this child's name is Luke. Or how long they are going to keep him.

He probably should have.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22044874/chapters/52612567

( Note* Part 1 of the Through the Eyes of the Beholder)

3.  The kidnappings of a Sith Lord - maedre13

How a certain Sith Lord may or may not kidnap his rebel son. One-shots. Strongly inspired by sparklight´s “Where Our Intrepid Hero Doesn´t Get Away”.

Current chapter: In which Vader tries to arrange a marriage

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10606992/chapters/23453241

4.  Living Relics-- planningconquest

Poe Dameron, on a routine flight, stumbles across an entirely new mess for the New Republic to deal with. Finding Imperial relics that can help with the galaxy's most pressing questions and problems.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23113807/chapters/55303762

5.  Luke Skywalker Is Altogether Too Likable - Mokulule

A bounty hunter claims to have caught the empire's most wanted rebel, unfortunately for Admiral Piett, Lord Vader is not in attendence, so he will have to take the call.

Alternatively; the Piett POV story I have amused myself with for several months and that I hope others will also enjoy.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14477958/chapters/33444051

(Note* Part of the  Likability Conundrum series ) 

6.  Firmus Piett Is Altogether Too Likable- Mokulule

This is a companion piece to Luke Skywalker Is Altogether Too Likable, it is basically the first chapter from Luke's POV with more background and angst.

Luke has been captured by the nasty bounty hunter Bossc Blackscale along with small Twilek child Nia, who was used as a hostage.

Now he's about to enter Imperial custody and he meets the most peculiar Imperial.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18065363

(Note Complete Series below)

https://archiveofourown.org/series/1300493

7.  Some Assembly Required - Mokulule

Luke desperately call out for help in the force. Darth Vader finally gets his hands on his elusive son, but he doesn't quite get what he expected.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17394782/chapters/40941173

8. One Dream, One Vision- severnlight

After the disastrous duel on Bespin, more than mere words transpire over the newly forged bond between father and son. And this time, R2 is not so lucky with the hyperdrive. Darth Vader is beyond pleased to finally have his son in custody, but the Force keeps whispering something about the terrorist Princess as well. With the identity of Lord Vader's long lost son revealed, every being of some consequence from Core to Outer Rim is busy plotting their own schemes for Luke Skywalker. The young rebel is trying his best to navigate the new relationship with his father, and scramble a plan or two of his own. Admiral Piett and various unsuspecting Imperial citizens are entangled in the drama. Vader acts completely unpredictable, the threads of destiny are tossed up in the air, and the Galaxy holds its breath.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/9817640/chapters/22044329

9.  Darth Vader Goes to School - LadyVader23

Darth Vader gets bored with killing people and decides to get a degree in Engineering. He develops an interest in his classmate, Luke Lars. Poor Piett becomes the awkward middle man.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23905714/chapters/57477952

(Note* Vader essentially commits identity fraud on Piett to do a few online classes and Piett roles with it because what you want to say no to Vader, and gets tangled in the fuck up that is Vader’s life) 

10.   LIBERO per fidem, or How Piett Accidentally Hastened the War Because He Kinda Cared About Vader--ThreadSketchier

It's the Admiral's job to overthink things. This time, however, it's going to be both the best AND worst decision he's ever made.

(note* this is not technically a fic and it’s a private story but it’s still worth checking) 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22535980/chapters/53852038

11.. How (not) to cope with Skywalker family drama - prayforpiett

In which the admiral of the Executor tries to find ways to manage his stress. Like any sensible person, he tries to turn his frustrations into creative endeavors. And he also drinks. A lot.

Of course, it all gets worse when he starts to have stress dreams about a certain Luke Skywalker...

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24320452/chapters/58632580

(   Note* From the appropriately titled author PrayforPiett. )

12.  A Life Day Miracle - Mokulule

A few months after the Death Star was destroyed, Darth Vader gets an early Life Day present in the form of the child he'd thought he'd lost, now if only events wouldn't keep conspiring against him he would actually get to tell his son of their relation.

Luke and Wedge are very confused, this is not how they expected being captured by Imperials would go.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17646887/chapters/41613821

(Note*  Mokulule again) 

13.  In Loco Pirates - izzythehutt

A down-on-his-luck Hondo Ohnaka manages to capture the unicorn of all bounties--Luke Skywalker, which sends Darth Vader, Lord of the Sith, on a painfully familiar trip to the planet Florrum to collect his prize. The failed negotiations leave Vader in the awkward position of being stuck in a besieged pirate bunker, trying to balance keeping his wayward child safe (and in his custody) with controlling the tongue of a loose-lipped pirate who--to the surprise of no one--has a bad habit of telling 'amusing' anecdotes from the Clone Wars.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3841744/chapters/8574070

(Part 1 of  In Loco Pirates-Verse  https://archiveofourown.org/series/324137)

14.  Palpatine Ad Portas - izzythehutt

When the Emperor Palpatine moves the Empire Day Celebration to Naboo, Darth Vader is forced to confront a past he had thought better buried and forgotten. Admiral Piett becomes the reluctant confidante of the monarch, caught in the middle of a deadly Sith cat-and-mouse mind game. Meanwhile, the young Rebel who blew up the Death Star returns to his mother's home world to pay his respects on the anniversary of her death--unaware of his father and the Emperor's presence on the planet and the very grave danger he is in.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/4819292/chapters/11034437

(Part 2 of  In Loco Pirates-Verse  https://archiveofourown.org/series/324137)

15.  Meet the Skywalkers - frodogenic

Newly returned from the Unknown Regions with Darth Vader, Admiral Piett doesn't expect much of a welcome from the New Republic. And not in a million lifetimes would he have predicted that their very first guest would be Luke Skywalker. After all, Skywalker and Vader are still mortal enemies...right?

Multichapter prequel to Lord Vader's Limpet and Driving Lord Vader.

Chapter 14: The Lady’s 25-year sojourn enters the final risky stretch.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8158216/chapters/18696025

(Note* Part 3 of the  Limpet AU,  see more here  https://archiveofourown.org/series/554200) 

16.  in an endless universe----loosingletters

Chapter 8 , 9 and 10 : Grandfather Vader AU 

Luke has a kid to raise and the Empire might not care much about its personnel, but at least it pays its mechanics well. Enter Darth Vader.

Part 1:https://archiveofourown.org/works/22955416/chapters/55002466

Part 2: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22955416/chapters/55067716#workskin

Part 3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22955416/chapters/56968354#workskin

(Note* Link to full series : 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22955416/chapters/57641386) 

17.  Allegiance - KaelinaLovesLomaris

Luke is captured by Imperials while on a mission and ends up needing his father's help getting out of a tricky situation. What follows is shameless Luke and Vader father-son bonding, with plenty of action, angst, and fluff, as Vader finally has his son at his side and plots to destroy the Emperor. Everyone's favorite Imperial, Admiral Piett, plays a large role, as does Luke's fellow pilot, Wedge Antilles, and Boba Fett will probably make an appearance.

Post ESB AU, with canon divergence. This is not Dark!Luke. It is eventual Vader redemption.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6745156/chapters/16127191

(note* Allegiance-verse series)

18 . Interview with a Sith Lord--- KaelinaLovesLomaris

Before Piett was the Admiral of Death Squadron, he was captain of the Accuser. And once Darth Vader learned of his son and realized he would someday need to take the Emperor down, he began looking for an admiral he could trust... Or how Piett got the job of captain of the Executor and eventually became admiral of the Death Squadron. This is in my Allegiance-verse, but it's not necessary to read Allegiance to understand this.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/8747338

( Note* Allegiance-verse series)

19. Twin Suns - EagleInFlight

ROTJ AU: Vader reached out into the Force, eager to teach this trooper a lesson when suddenly the old him woke from his slumber and an Anakin quip slipped out of his mouth: “Have the Empire become so desperate that they’re recruiting below the height requirement?” A wave of amusement splashed through the Force from the trooper. That signature... The trooper took off his helmet, jerked his blonde hair back from his eyes and stared up at him. “Explains why I can’t see out of this helmet.” Darth Vader was left utterly speechless. His son stood before him. His son was here of his own free accord. Luke flashed a smile that warmed Vader’s heart. “I’m here to rescue you.”

OR: Luke Skywalker sneaks on-board the Executor to rescue his father, Darth Vader.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14289804

20.  Skywalker Family Values - Ariel_Sojourner

Camp Chippewa is proud to be the Empire’s foremost camp resort for privileged young adults. Located on the picturesque forest moon of Endor, your child will have the opportunity to participate in wholesome outdoor activities and socialize appropriately with their peers. We invite your offspring to join us for the experience of a lifetime and a bright future in service of the greater glory of the Empire.

On opposite sides of the galaxy, on opposite sides of a civil war, Darth Vader and Padme Amidala unwittingly send Luke and Leia to the same camp during school break. Chaos naturally ensues.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14258124/chapters/32883750

(Note* Piett doesn’t feature in this as much compared to the others but dear lord still, pray for this poor man) 

21. Two and a Half Men (with a baby)- orphan_account

After a long day of bargaining with Hutts and attempting to ignore his past, Darth Vader is nearing the end of his rope. When he discovers his two-year-old son, it's the straw that breaks the semi-rational Sith Lord's back; in a rash act worthy of the Skywalker name, he scoops his son into his arms, steals a shuttle from his own fleet, and punches in random hyperspace coordinates to a destination on the other side of the galaxy.

Unfortunately, father and son are not the only ones on the ship.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7420057/chapters/16853212

TAGS

Firmus Piett

Firmus Piett & Darth Vader

Feel free to add any more to the mix . 

#prayforpiett #star wars #pray for piett #sw #fanfic recs #dragoon's fanfic recs #ah shit here we go again #skywalkers #skywalker family drama #fanfiction #fanfic #recomendations #firmus piett #darth vader #luke skywalker #leia organa #skywalker #star wars fanfiction

[let-it-raines]

Catch Me If You Can (39/40)

298 days. That’s how long Killian Jones was away from a baseball field. It’s less than a year, only part of a season for him, but it might as well have lasted a decade as he alternated between physical therapy and spending an excessive amount of time sitting on his couch. 

But then he came back and won the World Series. 

It’s something no one saw coming, and it’s certainly not something anyone who knows about his arm would predict. Now it’s a new season with new possibilities, and anything could happen. On-field reporter Emma Swan will be there to cover it all even if she is not his biggest fan right now. 

Asking her out live on-air will do that.

Rating: Mature

a/n: thank you to @resident-of-storybrooke​ for literally everything, to @imagnifika​ for this banner, and to all of you for all of your support on this story and on others. I never expected to get quite so attached to this one, so I like that you guys are too. Misery loves company and all that. lol. 

I hope you enjoy the last real chapter. The epilogue will be coming soon! ❤️⚾️

(If there’s any weird formatting, hop on over and read on AO3. Tumblr is being funky with my formatting.)

AO3: Beginning | Current

Tumblr: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 | 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40

-/-

Outside, thunder rolls, quickly followed by a flash of lightning that illuminates the bedroom.

It’s raining.

Raining.

On the final day of the World Series.

Fuck.

Emma jolts up in bed so quickly that her head gets a little dizzy, all of the blood that’s supposed to be in other parts of her body very obviously in the wrong space, and she has to shut her eyes to keep from throwing up while the sound of rain continues to pitter outside, a continual drip that she doesn’t want to be hearing.

It cannot rain today.

After a few seconds, when Emma’s head feels normal again and not like she’s about to feel dizzy enough to fall down even without standing, she opens her eyes and twists to the side to make sure that Killian is still sleeping.

He isn’t.

In fact, he’s not even in bed.

For a moment, Emma wonders if she should bother to go and find him or let him be by himself wherever he is in the apartment. He was understandably quiet on the entire way home and through dinner last night, and she could practically see all of the gears turning in his head. There’s an unwritten list up there of how he wants to pitch to each and every batter on the Dodgers today, and Emma is almost positive that Killian is currently going through it and changing his game plan over and over again until he perfects it.

Considering the fact that her phone says it’s three in the morning, Emma is thinking that she needs to drag Killian back to bed. He may not fall asleep, but he can at least stay in bed so that his body gets a little bit of rest. Maybe he’ll fall asleep. Maybe he won’t. But it’s worth the effort.

Sighing, Emma pulls the thick covers off of her legs and adjusts her pajama pants so that they’re not hanging below her ass from where they shifted in her sleep. She doesn’t bother turning any lights on, the city and the storm bringing in enough that she can see without it, and after walking out into the hallway, Emma doesn’t even have to look in the spare bedroom or the gym to find Killian.

He’s sitting on the window seat in the living room, his legs pulled up to his chest and his cheek resting against the window as he looks outside, very obviously awake.

Killian is going to stress himself out far too much.

Quietly, she makes her away over to him, and while he doesn’t say anything to acknowledge her presence, he does let his legs fall open in obvious invitation for her to join him on the seat. She does, slowly adjusting herself to make herself comfortable while Killian wraps his arms around her stomach so that the warmth of his palms permeates over her skin to warm her from the chill of the apartment. It’s November in two days, but New York is already cold.

There’s a brush of scruff against her cheek followed by the soft press of lips against the underside of her jaw before Emma sees the reflection in the window of Killian resting his chin on the top of her head.

His fingers tap against her stomach in a pattern that she doesn’t recognize, but she doesn’t mind. She may have come out here to convince Killian to come back to bed, to get some rest so he won’t be like a zombie out on the field today, but there’s something almost soothing about watching the rain fall down to the ground to cover the street under the florescent lighting of the street lamps. Even with the thunder, the sound of rain is relaxing, and Emma can understand why Killian was out here being consumed by it.

(She’d still prefer the rain to stop.)

“What are you thinking about?” Emma whispers.

“You.”

“Liar.”

Killian chuckles, something deep in his belly, and she can feel it reverberate throughout her back from where he’s pressed up into her. “I mean, at this particular moment I was legitimately thinking about how good you smell, but no, I haven’t been thinking about you and the softness of your hair the entire time.”

“Damn. I thought our deal was that you always had to think of me and nothing else. Don’t you love me?”

Killian squeezes her stomach. “It’s too early in the morning for you to be so cheeky.”

“Says the man who probably never even went to sleep.”

“I did go to sleep,” he sighs, and Emma watches his eyes flutter closed in the window. “I maybe woke up an hour or so ago to use the restroom, and my mind just…it didn’t bloody turn off. I have changed mine and Al’s game plan at least seven times.”

Wow. She knows him so well. It’s almost a little ridiculous. Not that she’s complaining.

“Let’s…” Emma hesitates, not sure what exactly what to say that she hasn’t already said. “Let’s talk about something other than baseball, okay? We will talk about it after we’ve gone back to sleep and gotten some rest, but for now, this apartment is a no baseball zone. So, talk to me about literally anything else.”

His fingers keep tapping against her stomach, and Emma moves to place her hands over his, a silent reminder that she’s right here and not going anywhere. She may have run before, may have not known what to do when he lied about his shoulder and his accident and everything that came with that, but she’s not going to run now.

This entire relationship has been terrifying, but she’s glad that she took the leap. They’ve conquered some big freaking mountains.

“I’ve emailed someone to see what I need to do to finish my degree.”

Emma almost jolts forward so that she can turn to look at him, but Killian doesn’t let her, holding onto her that slightest bit tighter so that she loses a little bit of her breath.

“When did you decide to do that?”

“A couple weeks ago.”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“Wasn’t sure if I was going to go through with it. I’m…I’m still not sure when exactly I’ll go back. The woman said they could arrange online classes for me, and they can help arrange a different schedule. I don’t know if I’d start during the off season and see how many credits I can finish before next season starts up. Or maybe I’ll go all year round even while playing. I could always wait until I’m retired, but I don’t exactly want to do that.”

Emma tries to take it all in and figure out the best way to respond to him. This is obviously something Killian has thought about a lot. There’s not a reason in the world for Killian to have to go back to school. He’s not going to be a physics teacher or professor any time soon, if at all, so this is obviously something he’s decided to do for himself just to have as an accomplishment.

Killian deserves to get to do things for himself.

“I think you’ll figure out exactly how you want to do it, babe. I’m really proud of you for doing that.”

“It’s nothing to be proud of.”

“Too bad.” She pats his hand again and shifts her head back so that she can kiss the underside of his jaw. “I’m proud of you. Unless this is some kind of long con to actually become professor Jones so that Will can’t say it mockingly anymore.”

He chuckles, and she kisses his jaw again. “Damn. You’ve foiled my plan.”

“I knew it,” she yawns, unable to cover her mouth with her hands. “You know, when I graduated from college, I got some kind of fancy ink pen that I never used. They gave them to all of the journalism majors. What do you think they’d give physics majors? Calculators?”

“No, because we’d already own a hell of a lot of those. I might need to get some new ones, though. And possibly find some old books and go through them. It’s been almost a decade. I’m not sure I even remember anything.”

“We can go back to school shopping for you. We’ll have to take a picture of you in your cute little outfit with your backpack on your shoulders. I’ll put it on the fridge and everything.”

“You realize I’m doing this online so I’ll just be wearing my regular clothes sitting on my ass in here. I may not even wear clothes while I’m doing it.”

“Well, I can still put that picture on the fridge, but we’ll have to take it down every time someone comes over. No one needs to see that much of you.”

Killian practically purrs in her ear as he trails hot kisses down the side of her neck, and it sends chills down her spine and up over her skin. “You certainly do. You could see it now if you want to.”

Emma brings her bottom lip between her teeth and tries to rein in any budding arousal. “As tempting as that sounds, you and I are both deliriously tired, and I really only came out here to get you to come back to bed…to sleep. We should go do that.”

Teeth bite down onto her neck. “Fine. That seems like the sensible thing to do, and as an almost college man, I have to be sensible, right?”

“Or binge drink and then study all night for a test at the last minute even though you had weeks to study for it?”

“Do people still do that?”

“I think so.”

“We’re really old, Swan.”

“Yeah,” she sighs as she stands from the bench and pulls Killian up with her, “but I think we’ve still got it.”

Emma easily falls back asleep, especially when Killian closes the curtains and turns on the box fan to drown out the sound of the storm outside, and while she doesn’t really know when Killian fell asleep, he’s slumbering away when she wakes up, his breath coming out in small puffs and his hair falling over his forehead. The weight of the world isn’t on his shoulders right now. He’s not thinking about what he’s got to do today or not do today, and Emma hopes that he sleeps as long as he can.

Hopefully right up until he needs to eat breakfast and go to practice.

But hopes are not always reality, and in reality, Killian wakes up a little past nine and all of the tenseness in his body returns. She can see it in the set of his shoulders and the way that he carries himself as he does some stretches to loosen his body up before making breakfast and getting on with his morning routine. She’s terrified, her stomach absolutely in knots, but she’s not going to tell him that. Emma is sure that he’s aware that she’s in this and wants this for both herself and for him, but she’s not going to tell him and put any extra pressure on them.

It’s more than just one man out there. It’s more than just Killian, but Emma understands how Killian works. If they win, he won’t take any credit for it. If they lose, it’ll be entirely his fault. She’s sure he’s talked himself into thinking otherwise, but his brain will revert back to that.

The storm in the night seems to have disappeared, the streets beginning to dry even if large puddles of rain water are left in dips in the cement, and according to all forecasts, it should be dry enough for them to play today. There are supposed to be light sprinkles, maybe a scattered storm or two, but it’s all sunshine when the game is scheduled to start. If there are any delays, Emma hopes that they aren’t long.

Killian may very well lose his mind.

(She may too.)

He’s currently showering, and while she hasn’t been keeping track of how long he’s been in there, it’s been long enough for her to curl her hair. She’s entirely sure that the humidity is going to cause it to frizz and fall flat, and the network will probably have her hair constantly attached to a curling iron and hair spray until her hair is like a bird’s nest of tangles and product.

Whatever it takes to look good on TV today, right?

She’s supposed to wear a dress or a skirt, something form flattering and attractive for television, but since there are no technical rules as long as she stays dressed, Emma completely ignores that suggestion in favor or her favorite jeans, a pair of trusty boots, and one of Killian’s jerseys, buttoning it up and tucking the front into her jeans. She’ll have to put on a sweater later to combat the cold, but she doesn’t want to do that just yet.

It’s ridiculous, but putting on the sweater means it’s time to go and she’s just…she’s not ready. They need a little more time.

“Are you wearing my jersey?”

Emma jumps and clutches her hand against the chain around her neck that’s visible with the way the jersey is buttoned up. She did not hear the shower turn off or hear Killian open the bathroom door. But considering he’s standing in the doorway with a towel wrapped low around his waist, he obviously did.

“Yeah?”

“What about – ”

Emma shrugs, a smile stretching across her lips. “Fuck them. I don’t give a damn about what anyone has to say. I can do my job while also dating you. It’s not a mutually exclusive thing, and today is a big day. If I want to wear the jersey, I can wear it now.”

Both of Killian’s brows rise high on his forehead, but he’s smiling too as his arms cross over his chest so that his muscles bulge the slightest bit. “I think this is the most attractive you’ve ever been.”

“Because I’m wearing your jersey? I thought we’d gone over that before. I – ”

“No,” he laughs with a shake of his head. “Because you’re saying fuck ‘em to all of the people who we both know will say shit about you wearing that. I personally think they should all pull the sticks out of their asses, but then what would they have to talk about?”

“Happy things?”

“Nah, that’s too boring for them.” Killian walks toward her, a definite swagger in his stride, and the cool tips of his fingers come up to touch her cheeks as he cups her face and brings his lips down to move over hers, slowly and thoroughly kissing her until she can’t breathe. It’s the good kind of breathless, though. “I don’t know if I’m going to kick ass today, but I know that you are. It’s pretty much undeniable.”

“You’re going to kick ass. Think it into existence, twenty-nine.”

“Yeah, but I don’t…I don’t know. I – ”

Emma sighs, and she swears it goes all the way down to her bones. There’s only so much she can say. At the end of the day, Killian has to be the one to believe in himself.

“You know,” she starts as her hand reaches up to her neck so that her fingertips ghost over the cool metal again, “about two months ago I had this really big thing happen to me, and I don’t think I’d ever been that nervous. Well, that was until my idiot boyfriend decided to play with an injured rotator cuff because he was too dumb to say something to anyone.”

Killian playfully rolls his eyes, but she sees his jaw tick. Still such a stubborn ass.

“Anyways,” Emma continues as she reaches up to unclasp the necklace, grabbing onto it and the ring before guiding her hand up to his where they’re still resting on her cheeks. Killian’s blue eyes widen so that she can see every color in them, and they get the slightest bit bluer when she places the ring in his palm and closes his fingers over it. “I was given this really beautiful, special ring so that I had a reminder that someone was cheering me on even when I couldn’t hear the cheers. You had this for a lot of years. I think you might need it back.

Killian’s Adam’s apple bobs up and down before he starts shaking his head from side to side, his eyes closed so that black lashes land against his cheeks.

“No, no, no. I’m just…no, Swan. I’m not taking it back.”

“It’s your mom’s ring.”

He opens his eyes then so that she’s consumed by the blue even as he steps away so that they’re no longer touching each other. Has she done something wrong?

“Aye, my love,” he mumbles even as he opens up the chain and wraps it around her, easily clasping it back so that it hangs around her neck once more. “It was my mom’s, but I gave it to you. I’m not taking it back. It’s yours now.” Killian smiles at her, the soft one that makes his eyes crinkle that she’s come to know as her own, before bringing his closed fist to his chest and tapping right over his heart. “I know right here that people are cheering for me. I know that my mom, my family – I know that you are cheering for me no matter what happens out there today.”

Emma’s not crying. She swears that she’s not crying and that the tears in her eyes are allergies or something, but that would be a lie. It would because she loves him a ridiculous amount, and she’s proud of him over everything that he’s done and been working toward lately.

He’s a good man with a good heart, and he deserves all of the world.

Stepping forward, Emma reaches up to tuck his wet hair behind his ear as her thumb traches over the apple of his cheekbone. “I love you, and I don’t care what Liam or Elsa or Addy says. I’m your biggest fan in that stadium today, and I promise I’ll be cheering you on no matter what happens. Tonight, win or lose, you and I are celebrating, okay? We’re going to sit in our pajamas stuffing our face with all of the food that you’ve been stress baking, and we’re going to drink copious amounts of alcohol.”

He arches his brow. “This sounds unhealthy.”

“You’ll have either won or lost the freaking World Series. I think we deserve a little unhealthy.”

“I think you might be right,” Killian chuckles, dipping his head down to slant his lips over hers. “I love you too, by the way. I’m probably going to tell you that a lot today.”

“You won’t hear any complaints from me.”

“I don’t believe that at all.” He winks, and Emma swears that her heart flutters. “I’m going to get dressed, and then we can go to the stadium, okay? I want to get my practice in early in case it does rain again.”

“Yeah, sounds perfect.”

-/-

The stadium is nothing like it was yesterday morning. There’s no empty field that’s covered in morning dew with a quiet air around it that allows someone to simply sit out there and think about the history of this place that’s happened before and the history that’s still to come both for the team and for each individual player and for those who love them. People are bustling everywhere. Vendors are already in their stalls, executives are walking up and down the hallways in their suits, heels clacking along the tile, and players are seemingly everywhere. Emma wasn’t quite expecting anyone to be in the clubhouse, maybe just a few people, but they’re all watching old tapes, eating food, stretching, and bouncing strategy back and forth.

It’s like being thrown into chaos with no hope of getting out, but Emma manages to when Ariel pops up out of nowhere with a bright smile on her face that only broadens the moment she sees Emma.

“Perfect.” Ariel claps together her hands. “Just the couple I was looking for.”

Emma points to herself. “Us?”

“Yep. Things are about to get really crazy today, and I need the two of you to pose for a picture before we forget. It’s just perfect that you’re wearing his jersey.”

“Why do you need a – ”

“Just go with it, Swan,” Killian laughs as he wraps his arm around her waist and tugs her closer so that Emma can rest her hand on Killian’s chest. “When it comes to A, it’s best to obey.”

“That sounds like a great motto.”

“Kind of like a cult, though.”

“Just a little bit.”

“Shut up,” Ariel groans as she lifts her phone in the air. “And smile, I mean. Don’t look like I’m forcing you to do this.”

“But you – ”

Emma doesn’t get to finish her sentence before Killian is squeezing her hip and making her squeal as he brushes his lips against her cheek so that his scruff scratches at her skin like the asshole that he is.

But at least he’s an asshole in a good mood.

“Perfect,” Ariel sighs. “Now, Emma, I need you to come with me.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s about to get even crazier in here, and I’m saving you from the madness.”

Emma doesn’t even get a chance to tell Killian goodbye or good luck before Ariel is dragging her by her forearm out of the clubhouse and down the hallways of the stadium going on and on about everything that’s going to happen today like Emma doesn’t already know. Of course, there are several things that Emma didn’t know. Apparently, her plan for she and Killian to go home and eat junk food and get drunk isn’t really going to happen. He’s got press obligations that far exceed anything that she does, and then there’s usually some kind of team celebration that they all do together. It could be moved to the next day, but that’s usually reserved as an off day before the city does a parade and other celebrations and…

This is only if they win.

Emma points that out, and Ariel immediately corrects her and says “when.” She’s convinced that they’re going to win, and she will not take any other kind of thinking around her. Positive vibes only.

Emma and Killian are totally going home and eating junk food and possibly getting drunk before falling in bed. To sleep. Everything else can wait. And if it can’t, fine. They’ll deal with that and do all of the celebrations and be happy about it because it’s a really big deal, but at some point in the next week, they’re both locking the door, turning off their phones, and then not letting anyone or anything bother them.

Unless it’s the food delivery guy. He can bother them.

But that’s it.

She’s gained approximately ten new wrinkles on her face in the past two weeks, none of them coming from being a year older, and Emma very much needs the season to be over for her own sanity.

Without a doubt, she’ll start to miss baseball in no less than two weeks.

Ariel Fisher, however, lives and breathes baseball and managing baseball players and quite possibly being the most supportive woman on the planet – and that includes Mary Margaret Nolan and her continual positivity – and even if the Yankees sucked, she would somehow cause them to win by her willpower alone.

Emma has known her in a personal capacity for over half a year now, and she’s still not used to all of the never-ending energy. Ariel probably had a full night’s sleep last night. Or maybe she didn’t sleep at all, and she’s in that stage of sleep deprivation where everything is heightened and you’re hyperactive.

Emma would bet on the latter of the two.

But Ariel does eventually finish talking once they’ve made it far away from offices and weight rooms and restaurants up to the suites that Emma is so familiar with now. She’s also familiar with all of the people waiting inside. Killian’s family doesn’t joke around when it comes to baseball. There is no reason for them to be here this early, and yet here they are.

And suddenly Ariel has disappeared, probably off to talk someone else’s ears off.

“That isn’t rain.”

“That most definitely is rain.”

“Anna,” Kris sighs as he and Anna stand at the windows looking out to the field, “that’s rain. It’s this thing that happens when – ”

“I don’t need a science lesson. I need it to stop.”

“I’m pretty sure the entire team is doing some kind of rain prevention dance downstairs because I think we all need it to stop.”

Everyone turns to look at her like they didn’t hear she and Ariel come in.

“Emma,” Lucy shouts, scrambling up from the couch to run toward her and tackle Emma in a hug that’s quickly joined by Addy.

“Hey, girls. Are you guys excited?”

“I’m bored,” Addy sighs out, which is not at all what Emma was expecting.

“Bored? How can you be bored?”

“Because I want the game to start! It’s taking too long, and we’ve been in here forever.”

“It’s been fifteen minutes,” Liam tells Emma as he walks over to her and scoops up his daughter while bending to kiss Emma on the cheek. “But we’ve been very impatient with waiting even though whining isn’t going to speed up the game time.”

“So it’s been a fun morning in your house then?” Emma asks.

Liam rolls his eyes, and even though he and Killian don’t look too much alike, she can see the resemblance there. “Joyous. And from my chat with Killian this morning, I can tell it was about the same at yours with the sleepless night.”

“Well, it is a big day today.”

“Just look up the weather forecast, Anna,” Elsa groans as she moves to rest her head against the countertop. “It’s supposed to rain in the middle of the game. We have known that the entire time, but the sun is literally coming out. It will be dry enough to start play on time.”

Emma arches her brow. “Was Elsa the one not sleeping?”

“Yeah,” Liam mumbles as he adjusts Lucy on his hip, “yeah, she was. She and Addy sat in the living room all night because they couldn’t sleep. I expect them to crash soon.”

“I’m fine,” Elsa promises even as she takes a sip of coffee out of the largest mug Emma has ever seen. “I’m exhausted, but I’m fine. Where in the world did Ariel go?”

“I have no idea. She was here and then she wasn’t. I’m not even sure why she pulled me away from the clubhouse. It’s all been a bit of a blur.”

“Her nickname could be The Blur or something ridiculous like that. She’s always zooming in and out of rooms.”

“How’s Killian?” Anna asks as she steps away from the windows. “Is he freaking out? Has he tried to run away yet?”

Emma’s hand reaches up to toy with her necklace, moving the ring from side to side and choosing not to worry about the weather any more than she already has. “He’s fine. He’s freaking out, but he’s fine. All he needs is for the game to start so he can stop psyching himself out.”

“I want the game to start too,” Addy whines once more as she falls out on the couch and throws her arm over her eyes.

“Darling,” Liam laughs, “have we ever considered that we made her too big of a fan?”

Elsa shrugs. “I don’t think we ever even had a choice.”

Emma stays up in the suite talking and eating cheeseburger sliders and drinking hot chocolate for the next hour, and it’s enough distraction that she doesn’t really think about what’s going on and the nerves radiating deep from her stomach and out to every inch of her. That only really begins when she has to officially start working, leaving the suite to walk to the ESPN booth and get her microphone hooked up to her and prepped for the start of the game. They have her hair curled again, just like she thought, and Isaac and James most definitely eye the jersey she has on. Emma ignores them, even if she does put on her sweater and take the raincoat the network offers her, and leaves the booth to go find the spot they have saved for her behind home plate.

People are filling the stands, a hushed murmur covering the stadium as the sun continues to peek through dark clouds, and Emma’s eyes are stuck on Killian as he continues the last of his pre-game warm-ups.

This exact day last year was one of the craziest days of her life, and she doesn’t think any of it could compare to this.

“You look like you’re going to vomit,” Jeff murmurs as he sets up the protective cover over his camera.

“I kind of feel like I am. Don’t date someone on the team. It’s too much.”

“I think I’m safe in that department.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I do,” he laughs, and Emma doesn’t miss the rare smile on Jeff’s face. “You ready to go?”

Emma adjusts her earpiece. “Yeah, I’m ready to go.”

-/-

The Dodgers score on Killian’s first pitch.

A home run right off the bat – literally – and Emma feels the collective groan around the stadium in her bones. That is not what was supposed to happen. It was supposed to be a strike, then two more, and an out. Easy as pie, right?

(Killian would tell her pie isn’t actually easy.)

But that’s obviously not how things are going to go today.

Sports have really got to be a little less dramatic. Her nerves can’t take it. Can’t things just be simple? Can’t they have gone back to the beginning and have won in four straight games instead of losing enough so that they’re in game seven of the World Series?

“If” doesn’t exist, especially in sport, Emma reminds herself. That’s what Killian would tell her, and that’s what she has to remind herself.

It only works a little bit.

One pitch at a time. It’s how Killian is going to be out there, and it’s how Emma is going to be sitting in the stands talking back and forth with the guys up in the booth thinking the same thing. It’s kind of hard to think that, though, when there’s a continual string of near hits and misses and Isaac and James up in the booth won’t stop being so damn negative that it makes Emma want to scream.

The score is 1-0 in the top of the third inning. It’s not the end of the world.

The looming dark sky overhead is kind of making her think that way.

“I’m too nervous, Rubes,” she mumbles while Killian winds up his arm to throw a pitch. There’s two men on base, both due to errors from King. She’d feel petty and a little glad if she didn’t need him to play well for the team. “Tell me about wedding stuff. Distract me.”

There’s static in her earpiece before Ruby’s voice comes in. “We’re getting married on a beach with no clothes on. Don’t worry. We can get waxed on the bachelorette weekend, so we’ll all be as smooth as babies.”

Emma huffs. “You’re not funny.”

“I’m hysterical,” Ruby corrects, and a part of Emma knows that Ruby and Graham might legitimately get married like that. “We haven’t planned any more than what we talked about last week. Small, intimate, and then a killer party with good food and drinks. Finding a location is hard. Everything is so expensive.”

“Destination wedding?”

“How is that cheaper?”

“I’m sure you can find a really inexpensive place in Nebraska or something.”

“You can get married in Central Park for one hundred dollars,” Jeff adds in, and Emma snaps her head away from the game to look at him. He shrugs his shoulders. “What? I know things.”

“I think the one hundred dollars is only if you want to get married in a certain spot, though,” Ruby sighs. “We’re going to keep looking. Graham said that he’d ask some of his buddies at the precinct if they knew of any spaces. It doesn’t have to be pretty since I know Mary Margaret will work her magic to make it that way no matter what.”

Killian’s pitch lands right in Will’s glove, and the umpire calls the batter out. Thank goodness. She doesn’t know what she’d do if someone else got on base. Then they’d be loaded with no outs, and things would pretty much be screwed from here on out.

Emma reaches over into her bucket of popcorn (she bought the jumbo size because she is stress eating) and stuffs a handful into her mouth instead of eating one or two at a time. One piece falls out of her mouth and down her shirt, landing somewhere in her bra so that she has to pick it out.

“You’re on the jumbotron right now, Emma,” Ruby giggles.

“Ah, fuck,” Emma mumbles as she looks up to see there be a replay of her digging in her shirt. “I hate everything.”

“That’s a little dramatic.”

“Me eating is like a running joke this season. I don’t get it.”

And she doesn’t really have time to get it before there’s the thwack of a ball against a bat straight past first base and away from everyone.

Shit.

It’s not good. Not at all. The two runners already on base get home, and the batter manages to make it to second.

It’s 3-0, and this is not at all how today was supposed to go.

Emma’s lungs are doing that thing again where they’re not taking in air, and there’s not enough popcorn in the world to make any of this better. If the tick in Killian’s jaw is any indication, she knows that there’s no one in the world more pissed at what’s happening than him. They don’t have anything together, and if they don’t get it together soon, they’re going to run out of time.

And then the sky opens up, little droplets of rain falling and landing on Emma’s nose, and that saying “when it rains, it pours” seems oddly appropriate right now. Her sadistic sense of humor is about to get worse.

They can’t lose. They can’t. she won’t allow it.

The rain keeps falling, a steady downpour of water, but it’s not enough to call for the rain delay. Not yet. And Killian is able to strike out the next guy and then get the third out of the inning with Eric catching the hit.

And just like the rain, the play stays steady. It’s not spectacular baseball by any means, mostly just a sludge match as everyone tries to keep their hands dry and the water out of their eyes, and the score slowly improves. Lance hits a good ball to get two RBIs, making it 3-2, and they manage not to allow any runs in the top of the fourth inning.

Good.

They’re creating chances. That’s what matters. They’re creating chances, and Emma can continue to eat her soggy popcorn while she freaks the hell out about what’s happening and continues to try to act like she’s a professional and not overly invested in the outcome of this game like she’s got money on it.

It’s the bottom of the fourth inning now, a chant of August’s name moving across the stadium so that it shakes in anticipation, and the bases are loaded. There are also two outs. Emma’s not saying that this could be the thing that changes the momentum of the game, but if the way that she’s gripping onto Jeff’s arm is any indication, she knows that this could change the momentum of the entire World Series.

“Come on, Booth,” Emma yells out as her free hand hits against her thigh, the wet denim clinging to her skin. “Be smart. Watch the ball.”

August obviously doesn’t know how to follow instructions because then it’s a swing and a miss.

Strike one.

There’s no chance for a strike two because while the rain has been sprinkling for the past hour, it’s pouring now. Jeff is mumbling about his camera and the cover not doing enough, but all Emma can focus on is all of the players running inside to the dugouts and fans shuffling inside while an announcement comes over the speakers that there’s an official rain delay.

An hour ago, she would have welcomed it. They didn’t have any of the momentum then. They do now.

This isn’t how things are supposed to be going.

Fuck.

-/-

“So how long is the rain delay going to be?”

“I don’t know.”

“But can you find out?”

“I can’t control the weather, Emma.”

“But you know things that we don’t, David,” Emma groans as she paces back and forth in a tunnel in the stadium, her hair frizzing around her face and her jeans completely soaked through. “It’s been an hour. Are they going to call the game? Are they going to continue it? This is agony.”

“You need to calm down.” Emma looks over to David with raised brows, and he holds his hands up in the air. “Sorry, sorry. Didn’t mean to say that to you, but you’re going to give yourself a heart attack if you keep worrying like this.”

Everyone they know is going to give themselves a heart attack, apparently.

“I know, I know,” she sighs, reaching up to hold onto her necklace and quieting down as some people pass by the two of them, probably looking at her like she’s a crazy person. “I’m nervous. This is really hard. I just…I want to be allowed into the clubhouse so that I can see him. He’s going to be freaking out. I just know, and I – ”

David walks toward her and places his hands on her shoulders while he looks down at her with a soft, reassuring smile on his face. She’s sure that he would hug her right now if she wasn’t soaking wet.

“Killian is fine, sweetheart. You are fine. We’re in the fourth inning. There’s still five more to go, whether it’s finished today or tomorrow or a week from now. They have time to come back. You, however, need to be back in hair and makeup because you’re supposed to be doing a clip on SportsCenter in fifteen minutes to fill the dead air time.”

“Shit. Why didn’t you say something earlier?”

“I couldn’t get a word in. You were kind of having a meltdown.”

Emma practically has to run down the hallways, which doesn’t help her appearance at all, and she’s sure that here makeup is streaky and her hair a wild mess that can’t be tamed, and the entire world can probably see her bra underneath her jersey right now. There’s not a hell of a lot that the makeup department can do, especially without a change of clothes besides a dry raincoat to replace the one that got soaked through, but they try their best before she’s standing in front of a plain backdrop inside the stadium talking back and forth about what’s going on in the game, breaking it down inning by inning in a way that she hasn’t had to do quite some time.

Considering she does it all with last minute notice and no notes in front of her, she thinks that she does a damn good job.

None of that really matters, though, because right as they’re wrapping up the segment, they get the announcement that play will resume in the next twenty minutes.

It’s time to play some more baseball.

Emma shouldn’t have eaten all of that popcorn because her stomach is most definitely churning with nerves.

They can do this. They have to. They will.

-/-

August immediately gets struck out, and the fourth inning ends with the Yankees still down 3-2.

The next two innings are scoreless for both teams, and Killian wraps up his game after that. He played well. It wasn’t his best, the weather and the nerves probably impacting him, but she’s proud of him.

She’ll be proud of him no matter what.

And she really wishes that the network wanted her to do a mid-game interview or let her go into the dugout just so that she could see him and tell him that in person, but they seem to be determined to only allow her to stay on the sidelines by herself.

Emma: I love you, I love you, I love you.

Emma: You’re my favorite player (and person) no matter what, and I can’t wait to see you when this game is over and you’re holding that trophy.

He texts back almost immediately, and he must have his phone out on the massage table.

Killian: Will you go out with me if we win? Or if we lose?

Laughter bubbles up inside of her, and it’s the first time all afternoon that she’s felt this light.

Emma: Only if you ask me out on live television like the asshole you were when you did that last year.

Killian: I think I can do that.

Her stomach flutters again, and even though this is kind of the biggest game that Emma has ever watched in her entire life, her eyes keep switching between her phone and the game. It’s pretty much the only way that she can stay calm and keep getting air into her lungs without one of them collapsing and her having to go to the hospital.

This game is going on forever. Literally. Each inning is longer than the last, and the sun is beginning to set over the horizon so that the remaining gray clouds disappear into the dark of night. Florescent lights fill the stadium, lighting up the crowd and the players, and Emma can’t stop shivering, especially with the remaining dampness of her clothes and the chill that’s whirling around. It’s got to be forty degrees out here at the most, and if it weren’t for Mary Margaret brining down her coat for Emma to use, she’d turn into an icicle by the end of the game.

Probably before the end of the game.

Today is obviously going very well.

It’s not just Emma, though. The crowd is starting to get a little delusional now too. The game has been going on for over six hours now, the last three completely scoreless, and everyone is getting restless and antsy and probably very, very drunk.

Some rum or whiskey or several shots of tequila is sounding really good right now.

She can’t have any of it.

And she’s moved on from popcorn to copious amounts of hot chocolate to keep her warm.

It’s now the bottom of the ninth in what could possibly be the last inning of the game and the end of the season, and they’re still down by one run. It’s almost exactly what happened last night, and Emma’s dentist is going to hate her for how much she’s grinding her teeth.

Just one run to tie it up. One more to win the whole damn thing.

Easy, right? Right.

“Fuck,” Emma mutters underneath her breath, unable to keep the thoughts inside. This cannot end up like last night. They’re so damn close. They can do this.

Eric settles into his position in the batter’s box, his hands moving up and down his bat until they’re in the right spots, and Emma would probably give up her entire salary to know just what Ariel is doing right now up in the suite. She’s got to be losing her mind.

Emma is kind of losing hers.

One. Two. Three.

The ball flies off of Eric’s bat, straight down past third base so that it practically paints the line, and Eric is off like a cheetah, quickly passing over first base and turning so quickly that he nearly falls on his way to second base. Emma stands, unable to stay sitting down, and she can’t even hear herself yell over the roar of the crowd as Eric slides against the dirt to mark up his uniform and have his fingers touch second base right before the ball gets to him.

Safe.

Holy shit. They have a man on base.

And August is up next. God, she hopes that he doesn’t choke again. There’s been a hell of a lot of pressure on his shoulders in the past two days, and he’s crumbled underneath it after having some really big opportunities to close things out. As good as these guys are at playing in the moment, the past does have the ability to creep up around them and wrap around their neck to pull them back to the past so that they can’t move on.

August has to move on.

One. Two. Three.

Strike.

Shit.

One. Two. Three.

Ball.

Okay.

One. Two. Three.

Strike.

Fuck.

Emma cannot do this. She absolutely can’t. It’s too much. It’s all too much, and she has to bend down to put her head between her legs. She knows that her phone is going off, that she’s got texts and calls and emails, but she can’t look at any of them. If it’s something for work, Ruby will speak into her earpiece or Jeff will say something.

This is the worst. Who likes sports? This is just the worst.

One. Two. Three.

The ball thwacks against August’s bat, and it flies toward left field. Emma is positive that it’s going to go over, absolutely positive that it’s going to be a home run and that they’re about to win this game. But then it hits against the wall, and suddenly it’s back in play. It’s not a home run, not quite, but it’s enough to have Eric round third and run toward home, his body barreling as quickly as possible before he’s sliding through the dirt once more so that it flies up around him.

Safe.

3-3.

Holy fucking shit.

Emma can’t hear. She can’t. The crowd is that deafening, and while Emma isn’t jumping up and down, her knuckles are going white as they grip onto the sides of her seat. All she can focus on is the way that Eric runs straight into Killian just outside the dugout, the two of them jumping up and down and hitting each other’s backs and asses as every other member of the team surrounds them in a celebration that sends chills down her spine.

Her cheeks are warm for the first time all night, and Emma has to force down the emotion in her throat.

It’s not over.

But that’s a good thing. They have the chance to do this, to win this now, and Emma’s heart is pumping blood faster than it ever has in the entirety of her life. It may very well beat out of her chest.

She doesn’t even care.

The high comes down five minutes later when King is easily struck out, putting their first out of the inning on the board, and even Emma isn’t petty enough to want Arthur King to do poorly when him doing well is good for the team. She’s petty. Just not petty enough.

Will Scarlet, though, deserves the entire world, and all of the organs in Emma’s stomach shift again when he steps into the box and adjusts his helmet. Sprinkles of rain are falling down from the clouds and spitting against Emma’s skin, but it’s not enough to stop the game. Not yet. The momentum is with them again, the game and the championship on their bats, and Emma has never known Will to be scared of a little rain.

One. Two. Three.

A swing and a miss.

Strike One.

One. Two. Three.

No movement. Deep breath inhaled.

Ball.

One. Two. Three.

No movement.

Strike Two.

“Damn,” Emma mumbles under her breath as she tightens the jacket a little further over her arms, her legs shaking and tapping enough to power the electricity in all of the Bronx. She’s going to break the chain around her neck for how tightly she’s tugging on it. It’s fine. It’s all fine.

It’s got to be all fine.

The water is spitting a little harder now, Emma’s vision getting a little bit blurred, and it’s taking everything in her not to stand up right now so that she blocks the people behind her. Ruby is chattering in her ear cursing or hoping or something, her phone is still going off, and Jeff has to be complaining about how much Emma is crushing his forearm.

She doesn’t care.

Because Will is standing in position again, and he’s ready.

One. Two. Three.

There’s a sharp blow when the ball makes contact with the bat, and while the rain and the stadium lights make it hard to see, Emma already knows that the ball is going over the back wall and into the crowd.

Gone. It’s gone.

It’s freaking gone.

Will Scarlet is an absolute legend.

The Yankees just won the World Series.

Killian just won the World Series.

Everything is so loud around her, cheers reverberating and shaking the stands so that Emma can literally feel sounds, but she has trouble focusing on any of that over the sound of her heart pounding in between her ears and Ruby yelling in her earpiece that Emma has to get down to the field.

The field.

She has to get down to the field, and somehow, she does. Jeff must have carried her there or pushed her or something. It’s a madhouse, one Emma can’t navigate, and she knows that she’s supposed to be doing some kind of interview, preferably with Will, but there’s no way for her to find anyone. It’s a mass of players all huddled together and jumping up and down as coaches and wives and children all join in, the rain coming down even harder than earlier.

All Emma really wants is to find Killian and kiss him like she’s never kissed him before.

That’s saying something.

Emma sees him standing ten feet away from her on the outskirts of a pile of men embracing each other in happiness, his hair a mess like he’s been running his hands through it for the past two hours and his smile so large that it reaches his ears. He looks beautiful, ethereal almost, and Emma can scarcely breathe looking at him after pushing through so many people to find him.

That’s when he sees her through the people and the rain and the unending joy.

Killian pulls his arm up to tap his closed fist over his heart, and Emma’s heart stutters at the movement before a slow grin stretches across her lips while she reaches up to tap her fist over the ring and her heart.

She was cheering him on the entire time.

One. Two. Three.

Emma takes off toward him, ignoring Ruby in her ear and Jeff behind her with the camera, and in six strides, she’s pressing up onto her toes and wrapping her arms around his neck, holding onto him so tightly that her feet come off the ground and Killian’s hands scramble for her ass, barely holding onto her as he lifts her in the air and swings her back and forth as they both get covered in the continual downpour of rain.

She can hardly see, the water far too much, and when she cups Killian’s cheeks and slams her mouth into his, he tastes like water and spearmint gum and quite possibly all of the happiness in the world bottled up into one human being.

Kissing him and being here with him is everything she ever wanted and everything she never allowed herself to dream.

“Fancy seeing you here, Swan,” Killian laughs, his mouth still pressing against hers.

“What are you talking about, Jones? I was right here last year.”

“Yeah,” he smiles, the grin the most infectious thing she has ever seen, “but I think I like this year a hell of a lot better.”

“Can’t wait to see how you try to top this next year.”

Killian throws his head back in in laughter, his skin covered in rain, and he finally puts her down on the ground so that her feet sink into the soft grass below her, arms still wrapped around Killian’s neck so that she’s close enough to see the sparkle in his eyes and the smile on his lips.

“You know what, my love? I think I’m good staying right here in this moment for now. We can figure out the rest later.”

-/-

-/-

Tag list: @dorisquinn​ @onepunintendid​ @authorarsinoe​ @stunningswan​ @eala-captian @galaxyzxstark @xellewoods @mariakov81 @ultraluckycatnd @royalswan @shey-starsfury​ @superchocovian​ @sals86 @iam2307 @ashley-knightingale @karenfrommisthaven @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @notoriouscs @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog​ @cs-forlife @andiirivera @jonirobinson64 @qualitycoffeethings​ @carpedzem​ @tornadoamy​ @397bartonstreet​

#catch me if you can #cs fic #cs ff #cs fanfic #captain swan fanfic #captain swan ff #captain swan fic #captain swan

[charlies-crashcourses]

Charlie’s College Crash Course #1: How to write a 10-page paper in 1 day

Background info first: I’m in the last year of my English undergrad degree and I’ve had to write at least 3 dozen 10+ page papers in that time. That being said, I’ve never once started writing a paper more than a few days in advance, and 9 times out of 10 I go for one day only. Honestly, this should be considered my trademark at this point because after all my high school AP courses and my English degree, it’s been going on 7 years of 1 day papers.

and so, dear friends, I would like to pass on this skill to you all. I should mention, none of this will work if you’re not already pretty solid on paper writing, i.e. if you only ever get C’s on your papers now this isn’t magically going to get you up to an A with one day. This is just to streamline the process, allowing for more time for other things or, more commonly, allowing you to not freak the fuck out when you realize the deadline is tonight at midnight and you’ve procrastinated all month on the final paper for your class.

(I should also mention that I’m currently procrastinating a 2.5k word paper due tomorrow night that I’ve only read one of two books for, so. There’s that.)

Anyway, without further ado, here we fucking go:

Step 1: Prep for the Day

this is going to be a marathon, not a sprint, so make sure you prep the day accordingly. Ideally, you’d wake up before noon, make sure there’s nothing else planned for the day, and tell your roommates/parents to leave you alone until you officially reemerge at midnight (or, if you’re in college and have a 24 hr library, try going there. Mine has closed off study rooms that I can chill in, but if you’rs doesn’t just find a relatively comfy quiet spot). If you’re at home, pick one spot, clear it off super quick, grab some snacks and energy drinks, make sure you have everything charged and ready to go. I don’t recommend cafes or the like simply because there’s lots of distractions and also those places close before midnight, so you can’t stay there the entire time and therefor waste time moving halfway through.

Also, I would recommend taking a break between all the steps after this one. Don’t let the break take too long, but just long enough to walk the block, or grab another snack, or do some stretches, or watch a ten minute video, something like that. I personally never break at a natural stopping point, because then I’ll never get back to it, but how you break is up to you.

Step 2: Preliminary Research

now normally I do some preliminary research beforehand. Basically looking into the topic, figuring out generally what resources would be best, etc. That can usually be done in five to ten minute bursts throughout the week or so before the due date, whenever the topic comes to mind.

But then again, I’ve also procrastinated that until the very end as well, so. Usually all that takes if you go for the day of is some quick google scholar searches, or if you have access to the MLA database that works as well. Or, if you’re more like me, you could just deep dive on wikipedia and check out what relevant facts pertain to what numbers in the bibliography, then go ahead and cite those wherever possible.

Basically, get a good base knowledge of the big facts. This step should be quick and dirty. For instance, for my paper my sophomore year on Robespierre (14 pages written in a record 6 hours) I combed through his wiki, some websites on the French Revolution, and watched the Crash Course youtbue video on the subject. The rest of the research was done after I did my first outline. 

Step 3: Outline #1

This is just a basic “What the fuck am I talking about” outline. It can be bullet points, numbers, stream of consciousness, i don’t care as long as it works for you. 

For the Robespierre paper, my first outline was something to the effect of: -born poor -school -elected to govt -took over govt -killed people -got killed

and that was it. It’s like, before you build a house you have to clear off the right amount of land, make sure there’s nothing in your way, and give yourself a vague area in which to build. Super simple stuff.

I did get some advice, from somewhere I can’t remember, that a paragraph is basically equal to half a page, and so (excluding one page length for your intro + conclusion) you should have around two paragraphs or ideas per page. So my outline above would need some more points, there, to keep me on track for my page count. I eventually added a whole paragraph about how he was chosen to read for a visiting King Louis at his school and was then ignored which made him hate the monarchy, and another about what happened after he died what with the government in shambles, etc etc. So two bullet points per page should do it.

Step 4: More Research

This is where you get a little more in depth. Look at your bullet points and learn everything you need to about them. 

For my first bullet, I found stuff like: “Robespierre was born in France in 1758 as Maximilien François Marie Isidore de Robespierre (the third of this name), to a lawyer and the daughter of a brewer, he had two siblings, and he could read by age eight. he also loved pigeons and started a lifelong feud with his sister over one that he gave her that she let die."

and then I would move on to the next bullet point, and so on and so forth, filling in the gaps. Make sure to keep track of where your info comes from, as well. It doesn’t have to be a full citation, but just the hyperlink after the fact is going to save you so much time, i promise

Pro Tip: don’t throw out anything as irrelevant just yet. Just gather all the facts, no judging. Trust me on this.

Step 5: Better Outline

this is where you start to have fun with it. I would like to remind you that no one, unless you have some crazy micromanaging professor, sees your outlines. This is for you and you only, so write it in whatever way makes sense to you. It can be colorful and fun and whatever you need it to be.

 I actually took screenshots of my outline for that robespierre paper (hence why i chose that one as an example) so here’s a look at what I do:

so, really, honestly, as shitty as you need this to be, or as many jokes, or whatever works for you my dude. Explain it like you would if it were a story you were telling, not a biographical/argumentative paper. Get informal with it.

Step 6: Write the Damn Thing

Okay to now that you did the research and wrote your fun outlines and all that, all you have to do now is write it! I tend to do this in the same doc as I do my outline, but starting again from the top so I can see what I need to add next right under where I’m typing, then delete it once I’ve covered the material. 

If you did your outline well, this is really just cleaning that up so it’s “school appropriate” and “not an affront to people’s eyes and sensibilities” or whatever. At this point, it should go super quick, maybe 2 hours max to finish up writing what you need to write, here.

Pro Tip: do your citations as you go. Better yet, make your bibliography first so that A its already done and B you know what your in text cites will be from the start so that you don’t have to add them in later. If you kept your hyperlinks next to your research, just open up citationmachine and get those cites, then replace the links in your outline with the actual citations so it’s easier to line them up with in text cites while you go

Step 7: Fudging

oh, you thought we were done after writing the paper? nah fam. Chances are, you didn’t hit the page count you wanted to, you’re probably around 1 full page short, unless you love long sentences. This is where my pro tip from all the way back on step 4 comes in.

First, before you do anything drastic, make sure your formatting is correct. If your prof wants the big long “name, date, class, assignment, etc” in the top left then that adds a lot of length. Fonts will also change your page length, and so will footnotes and citations.

If you did it right and saved all the less relevant details, congratulations! Just sprinkle a few of those in there and you’re magically at your page count. This is the only reason I included the pigeon story in my paper (and this post), because I was about 3/4 of a page short of passably saying I got to 14.

If you didn’t save those inane details, don’t go looking for them now. Trust me, it’s much more pain than it’s worth. Your best bet, then, would be to either A. Add one more point if you can think one up, B. do some more research for relevant details to add in, or C. expand on the details you already have with more examples or effects or whatever applies.

do not, i repeat do NOT, just try and expand the words you use, like changing “to” into “in order to” or whatever those deflate your phrases charts tell you Not to do. They tell you not to for a reason. 1. it sounds stupid adding them in after the fact, and 2. your professor absolutely 100% will know and will mark you down if you do that in excess. Inflated phrase charts like that are well known by professors, and also adding them in after the fact won’t fit in at all with the voice that the rest of your paper was written in, so it’ll stand out like a sore thumb. just don’t do it unless it’s your last possible “i have ten minutes to turn this in” effort.

Step 8: Celebrate!!

And that’s it! If you did it right, this whole process should have taken you around the equivalent of 1 hour per page you had to write or so, so in a regular twelve hour day you’ve got time to take breaks and eat and all that shit. Go turn it in and celebrate your victory!

#study tips #adhd studying #paper writing #don't procrastinate kids #crash course #charlie's college crash course

[deltaengineering]

Spring Anime 2019 Part 1: git gud

I was trying to wait until something really good came along. This ran into a problem. Yes this is a day behind but not because of... that.

Amazing Stranger

What: Otaku dipshit buys a figurine that turns out to be an alien robot girl from an anime.

❌❌ Otaku dipshit nonsense about perving on a figurine-sized robot girl. It’s bad, yo.

❌ Execution is as questionable as the content. I’ll give it a star for using 3DCG and 2D animation where they respectively make sense.

♎ Only ⅓ runtime so it ended before I could get mad.

Bokutachi wa Benkyou ga Dekinai

What: Overachiever gets conned into tutoring a bunch of girls with specialized talents and general uselessness. The twist is that they don’t look identical.

♎ Basic ass harem setup with little to distinguish itself. And if it’s not a real harem it’s just a lacklaughter comedy.

♎ Characters aren’t terrible but sort of just there. Their talents are also too cartoonish to take seriously but not outlandish enough to be funny.

♎ You guessed it, production is workmanlike/undistinguished as well.

❌ Didn’t I just watch this? In any case, this lacks Quintuplet’s trademark sass so it’s just painfully mediocre.

Fruits Basket

What: Poor but optimistic high school girl gets involved with a harem of supernatural critters.

♎ This seems incredibly derivative and unoriginal. Seems of course, because Fruits Basket is the OG so all the others ripped it off in the first place. Doesn’t change the fact that I’ve sampled and discarded dozens of otome harems exactly like this.

✅ The production is aware that they’re adapting a classic over here, so the production values are high. It looks nice.

✅ It’s directed quite competently as well, especially the comic bits have the right timing.

❌ I don’t like the characters much. Tohru is a little annoying and the boyz are a big nothing. That’s not good for a romantic comedy. Side characters fare much better but hey, side characters in a show like this don’t matter.

♎ I have no attachment to Fruits Basket so this will have to stand on its own. So far it looks watchable, but very middle of the road.

Hitoribocchi no Marumaru Seikatsu

What: Kiraralike about a class of middle school girls that are all named after their personality. The main character (Bocchi Hitori, natch) is lonely and made of social anxiety.

❌ Dealing with #relatable topics is always sketchy, but Bocchi talking to herself for the majority of the episode just gets really old no matter what.

✅ However, once she starts actually talking to other people it gets better. Slightly above average for a show like this, which means inoffensively cute and very mildly comedic.

♎ This is a Kiraralike where all the characters are named after their personality, so I wouldn’t expect any depth. Not that that’s unusual for the genre.

♎ I’ll probably give this 3 episodes because these shows live and die by the cast, which we haven’t seen much of so far. If Bocchi’s character development sticks and we get a few good support characters, it might be fun.

Joshikausei

What: the sound of one thigh slapping

❌ but

✅✅ though

Kimetsu no Yaiba / DEMON SLAYER

What: Edgy shounen about a dude whose family gets KILL BY DEMONS (no, he isn’t the demons (his sister is the demons)).

✅ Actually better than that sounds, it’s pretty serious with its approach to the whole revenge thing. The edginess is also only apparent on the margins, so tonally it’s more or less fine.

✅ The main guy isn’t terrible and his superpower (a superlative sense of smell) is fairly subdued for the genre. You could tell a story with this.

✅✅ This is ufotable and it looks REALLY good. ufotable shows are always very elaborate, but their aesthetics can be questionable. This, however, keeps the postprocessing to a minimum and uses CG only where appropriate. I’d say it rivals Emiya-san for the best looking thing they’ve ever done.

❌ The OP shows a bunch of supercool superdudes fighting like they're in a shounen anime, just in case you’re wondering.

❌❌ Three words: Weekly Shounen Jump. This is an instant death sentence for the long run, since it will be stretched until nobody cares anymore, then get swiftly killed - with some lipservice to closure, if you’re lucky.

❌❌ In case you’re willing to take your chances, WSJ is still a magazine for babies and imbeciles, so get ready for its “distinctive” writing style. Here it isn’t quite as bad as in Promised Neverland, but you’re still getting 100% wall-to-wall voiceover coverage explaining things that you either don’t need to know or are blindingly obvious. 

Kono Yo no Hate de Koi wo Utau Shoujo YU-NO

What: 90s eroge protagonist starts hopping dimensions to look for his dad or something.

❌❌ Those 90s eroge protagonists sure were hilarious, what with their lechery etc. Rest of the cast fills the genre template nicely as well, which is to say they suck.

❌ Doesn’t look outright terrible so far, but it already shows signs of slight jankiness that would lead me to suspect this is a candidate for a production collapse in the future.

❌ Story? Surely you jest. All that happens in the first episode is vague exposition and naked girls falling from the sky. I hear the game gets real good 100 hours in, btw.

❌ This isn’t just some 90s eroge, it is the 90s eroge. You know, before KEY came along and made them all respectable (ostensibly). In any case, YU-NO is regarded as some stone cold classic of epic feels. I have experience with those, and they usually are only great for as long as you can’t read them.

Midara na Ao-chan wa Benkyou ga Dekinai

What: High school girls hates men because her father happens to be one. Understandable, since he’s also a tiny dirty old man caricature from the 60s. Can love bloom on the ecchifield?

♎ This is mostly inoffensive...

❌ ...except when it isn’t, of course. Which isn’t that often but still too often.

❌ It would also be appreciated if it could be less offensive in those instances because hot damn.

❌ Even if it removed the main source of irritation it would still be nothing much. Something like Hitoribocchi or Benkyou ga Dekinai has at least some potential, this doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere.

❌❌ My man Kenjiro Tsuda is wasting his time on this goblin’s comedy voice.

Mix - Meisei Story

What: Some kids play baseball, very slowly. You’re supposed to care because you presumably cared about Touch (which Mix is a very far removed sequel to).

❌ I did not in fact care about Touch. Nor about baseball, for that matter.

❌ Seriously, the entire selling point for this is “Sequel. To. Touch.” It cares not for your indifference towards Touch and would rather you go away.

❌❌ The languid pace is a killer. I know baseball is a boring sport but Mix doesn’t even attempt to make it interesting. This could work as an iyashikei-type show but in that case it would need different hooks, such as characters whose personality goes beyond “good at THIS aspect of baseball”. Maybe they’ll get to that but with this pace it’ll take a few seasons.

✅ I think the 80s design with a few contemporary animation frills looks quite nice. They’re probably doing their job right over there.

Nobunaga-sensei no Osanazuma

What: One “Oda Nobunaga” is an otaku and somehow also a teacher. Girls looking for his better known ancestor approach him with marriage plans, and since they’re looking for a Sengoku warlord, they come with era appropriate sensibilities.

❌ Do not care much for anime about 14 year old time travellers falling onto some dork’s dick, sorry. Unless they’re real good. Which this isn’t.

❌ I suppose i should be thankful this isn’t an all-out ecchi show, but unlike the characters, “lmao they can’t fuck” gets old.

❌ Besides the obvious, this fails at pacing, comedy, heartwarming, production, etc. I’m getting tired of spelling it all out again, this season definitely has an overabundance of not-quite-terrible-but-subpar-in-every-way romantic comedies.

Senryuu Shoujo

What: Senryuu is poetry that’s pretty much a haiku, but not hella deep. A quiet weirdo girl and a delinquent type write some of those.

✅ This has low ambitions, but manages to meet them. It’s chill and cute and the characters are likeable.

✅ Half length, which is the correct runtime for something as slight as this.

♎ It’s cheap but not to the degree that it detracts from the experience.

✅ It’s the second coming of Go Go 575 and I’m all about that. Check it out!

ULTRAMAN

What: uLtRaMaN is an ultrasequel to UlTrAmAn in which Ultraman is now Ultradad and has to take care of his Ultrason.

♎ Decent looking by CG TV anime standards, though the amount of action is so low that it raises the question why it isn’t just live action, especially since it’s partially mocapped already. I would have expected more pizzazz, especially with Kenji Kamiyama AND Shinji Aramaki directing.

♎ Old man superhero has some charm, but the show suggests and Wikipedia confirms: He’s about to get his ass kicked and his much more standard progeny takes over. There goes your selling point.

♎ Apart from that, this appears to be a competent but not especially engaging sequel to Ultraman (i.e., it’s most definitely not SSSS.Gridman). I have no special affinity for Ultraman.

#anime #Fruits Basket #Hitoribocchi no Marumaru Seikatsu #Kono Yo no Hate de Koi wo Utau Shoujo YU-NO #Midara na Ao-chan wa Benkyou ga Dekinai #Senryuu Shoujo #Ultraman #Amazing Stranger #Bokutachi wa Benkyou ga Dekinai #Joshikausei #Kimetsu no Yaiba #Mix - Meisei Story #Nobunaga-sensei no Osanazuma #impressions #spring2019

[ronastudies]

50 reasons your 20's actually suck (#sorrynotsorry) 1. Everyone tells you it's the best time of your life. With that sort of expectation, it can only go downhill from there. 2. Existential crises appear in ways and places you never knew were possible. 3. You don’t have a degree (at first). 4. You can’t do shit without a degree. 5. You discover worlds of possibility and are showered with exciting people and opportunities, but guess what – money. And you probably need a degree. 6. Your only source of the precious aforementioned money is still your parents. 7. You start to feel indebted to your parents. 8. Good luck with the decade-long process of fully leaving the familial nest without anyone getting hurt, affected or offended (including you). 9. Breakups, lost friendships. 10. You get told the world is your oyster but you’ve never even tried oysters because they’re expensive and you’re broke. 11. Everyone is thinking about starting a startup. 12. Friends start getting married. 13. You hate that damn degree. 14. Friends start having babies. 15. You hate your student jobs (yes, plural). 16. You can’t keep up with your maths lecture anymore because you’re working too much. 17. You can’t afford a maths tutor because you’re not working enough. 18. Existential break-downs. You don’t want to die one day. 19. You have an inexplicable urge to travel the far corners of the Earth on your own with expensive clothes and a shiny Instagram-capable smartphone because nothing bad has ever happened to you anyway and experiences are totally worth more than, I don’t know, a sensible long-term investment? Ahh, but you NEED. To SEE. VIETNAM!! AUSTRALIA! Nigeria! The South American Cartels!!! 20. Why is Trump constantly in the news. 21. Family and friends start casually introducing you to marital prospects whom you’re 0% attracted to. 22. Uni would be so great if it didn’t involve studying… 23. Friends’ startups start to fail. 24. Dating just got real. 25. Nights are spent with coffee, mornings napping on lecture hall fold-out tables and weekends with a hangover – you discover the sublime beauty of peaceful mid-week lunchtimes with an introvert friend. 26. Can you afford to get a cat? 27. Still can’t decide if you want children. 28. Omg you’re having so much sex. Is this dangerous? Are you chemically imbalanced? Are you a bad person? Fuck. It’s even changed your vocabulary and brain. You’re a slut. Wait, is that a bad thing? What are good and evil? Is there a God? 29. You’re addicted to technology. It’s getting clinical. 30. What is gender. Let me tumblr that. 31. You finally get a degree and realise you need a Masters. 32. Failed an entry-level job interview because you don’t have work experience. Because logic. 33. You’re still waiting for your letter from Hogwarts. 34. Cycling to the new uni/job is still not toning your legs and butt, it just gets you there sweaty and pissed off. 35. You graduate (again) but the world just changed (again, thanks Moore) and the job you’ve spent 5 years preparing for has been replaced by A.I. Or even worse – a mere App. 36. You discover bootcamps, evening schools, online academies and the joys of working just for the money and the salvation of your over-qualified ass’s dignity. 37. Oh… wait for it… life crisis. Also, at least one of your remaining grandparents has probably died. 38. You start a vlog and now even strangers on the Internet get to judge your face and feelings. 39. Your parents want to know when you’re going to get married. 40. Friends continue to pop out babies. 41. You’re STILL being told that the world is your oyster and it’s STILL not legal to punch them in the face. Neither is weed. 42. What is life? 43. You spend a night researching, say, medical schools in obscure countries of the EU, even if you studied, say, arts in the UK and #languages #brexit. 44. More breakups, still can’t find “the one.” (ProTip: There is no The One. You get to choose your Neo/Trinity. You’re welcome.) 45. Trump is still in the news. 46. Maybe you need a PhD… Maybe that’s what it is. 47. Your letter from Hogwarts arrives!!! Just kidding, you just dozed off at your last remaining student job. 48. Oh shit, you’re fired. 49. You gather all your inner strength and after many yoga classes, one-night-stands, expensive certifications, unnecessary travels, drunken talks with friends, overthought resumés and Eminem karaoke sessions you meet a cutie who becomes a spouse and a contact that becomes a full-time job. You can start blinking again now, get yourself a spacious and “modern” (euphemism) suburb house and win at life. 50. Oh wow, you’re 30. Whew… just in time.

Ian Kingfisher (medium)

#20s #Growing Up #Millennials #21st Century #21st Century Life #Twenties #in your twenties #young adult life #adulting #trump #hogwarts #studyblr #studyspo #student struggle #student #twentysomething #bachelos #degree #bachelors degree #university #existential crisis

[chimericarchitect]

gallionicTrickster 5

-- gallionicTrickster [GT] began trolling talentedSalad [TS] at 21:47 --

[09:47] GT: nerd

[09:47] TS: Hey dude. You've been offline for a while.

[09:48] GT: oh you know

[09:48] GT: i been busy

[09:48] TS: With what? Your corpse party?

[09:48] GT: yeah pretty much

[09:48] TS: Is that REALLY what you've been doing?

[09:49] GT: did you know that seadwellers REALLY dont take kindly to criticism?

[09:49] TS: Oh no

[09:49] TS: What did you do?

[09:49] GT: same thing as always

[09:50] GT: talk shit from the safety of my hovel

[09:50] GT: #yolo

[09:50] TS: They came after you? #UFuckinIdiot

[09:50] GT: well its fine

[09:51] GT: my lusus was kinda hungry anyways

[09:51] GT: theyve developed a taste for seafood

[09:51] TS: dude

[09:51] TS: So

[09:51] TS: Are you okay?

[09:51] GT: yeah im fine

[09:51] GT: i do this all the time

[09:51] TS: To seadwellers

[09:51] GT: well

[09:52] GT: they tend to last alot longer

[09:52] GT: but since my trap infested hive isnt where im actually hiding im not really in a whole lot of danger

[09:52] TS: Wait

[09:52] TS: You invited me over

[09:52] GT: pffft

[09:52] GT: yeah to my actual hive

[09:53] TS: PleaseExplain.exe

[09:53] GT: well

[09:53] GT: i kind of have a little bunker close to my "legitimate hive"

[09:54] GT: as a cerulean im given quite a bit of freedom in designing my hive

[09:54] GT: i live in a tiny underground box

[09:54] GT: right next to a giant deathtrap

[09:55] GT: im not much of a hunter myself

[09:56] GT: so i figured if i lured enough easily offended assholes to my hive i can just let them die to a bunch of traps

[09:56] GT: and my lusus get fed ma boi

[09:56] TS: Yeah, but... I mean, I'm surprised you'd go to such lengths. 'Specially considering hives are designed by wrigglers. You were a creepy grub.

[09:56] GT: yeah pretty much

[09:57] TS: So, if everything is fine, why've you been hiding out for days on end?

[09:57] TS: you haven't said a word

[09:58] GT: that last violet blood was a bit smarter than i gave him credit for

[09:58] TS: What happened?

[09:58] GT: almost made it out alive

[09:58] GT: gave my lusus a run for his money

[09:59] TS: Is your lusus hurt?

[09:59] GT: not too poorly

[09:59] GT: just a few scratcges here and there

[10:01] TS: Concerned.exe

[10:02] GT: shouldnt be.exe

[10:02] TS: AreYouSureAboutThat.meme

[10:02] GT: dankasfuckbro.mem

[10:02] TS: You ruffian.

[10:02] GT: pretty much

[10:02] TS: Do you know the seadweller's name?

[10:03] TS: Did you get their lusus too?

[10:03] GT: nah

[10:03] GT: unless you count clamSmasher69 as a "name"

[10:04] TS: I don't think so. Do you know the names of ANY of your victims?

[10:04] TS: Or is it just usernames?

[10:04] GT: usually just usernames

[10:04] TS: Does that make it easier?

[10:04] GT: yeah basically

[10:05] GT: i also usually target the upper end of the hemospectrum because the lifestyle of the high and mighty makes it easy to piss them off

[10:05] GT: but stupidity is universal

[10:06] GT: i get the occasional lowblood here and there

[10:06] TS: You've probably made a few enemies

[10:06] TS: to say the least

[10:06] GT: yeah basically

[10:06] GT: i kind of hate our species anyways

[10:07] GT: either i end up dead or i cull so many highbloods that our society changes in some slightly pleasant way

[10:07] GT: either way i kind of win

[10:07] TS: Wow. Bit of a black slut, huh?

[10:08] TS: JK

[10:08] TS: It sucks

[10:08] GT: eh

[10:08] GT: it is what it is

[10:08] GT: its why most of my freinds are lower on the spectrum

[10:10] TS: Nobody's ever figured out your secret technique?\

[10:11] GT: not yet

[10:11] GT: i give out my location so they dont really need to "track me down"

[10:11] GT: avoids them finding my hidey hole

[10:12] GT: i keep a few tricks up my sleeve just in case

[10:12] TS: And no one's been smart enough to think that maybe, JUST MAYBE, the fact that you hand out your coordinates is a touch strange?

[10:12] TS: Bleh

[10:12] GT: its almost like i specifically target trolls that arnt very bright

[10:13] TS: You can't know that as an absolute

[10:13] TS: You barely resaerch your targets at all

[10:13] TS: You don't even know their names

[10:13] GT: no

[10:13] GT: thats true

[10:14] GT: i usually pick people who consistantly act like an ass over trollian

[10:15] TS: Does that mean you'd cull yourself if you met you?

[10:15] GT: yeah basically

[10:15] TS: datk

[10:16] TS: *dark

[10:16] GT: the main difference being that i can laugh at myself and let it go

[10:17] GT: if someones so up their own ass that they need to go hunt someone down for calling them a pussy

[10:17] GT: then they kind of are just asking to get killed

[10:18] TS: *shrugs*

[10:18] TS: I wouldn't know

[10:19] GT: *shrugs*

[10:19] GT: *SHRUGGING INTENSIFIES*

[10:19] TS: *POWERSHRUG ACTIVATE*

[10:19] GT: *ENDLESS SHRUG*

[10:19] TS: *THE SHRUGWAR BEGINS TO DISSOLVE SPACETIME*

[10:20] GT: *shrugmageddon*

[10:20] TS: *the shruggening*

[10:21] GT: so tell me about yourself lowblood

[10:21] GT: your one of like

[10:21] GT: 4 people i cponsider friends?

[10:22] TS: You have four friends? That's pretty wild

[10:22] GT: yeah basically

[10:22] TS: You seem okay, so...

[10:22] TS: What do you wanna know?

[10:22] GT: eh

[10:22] GT: nothing specific

[10:23] GT: so why do you roleplay a lime blood over trollian?

[10:23] TS: Well, I mean...

[10:23] TS: Mystery is cool, right?

[10:23] GT: thats fair

[10:24] TS: I mean, what if you ACTUALLY met a limeblood?

[10:24] GT: well idk

[10:25] GT: i dont really care much

[10:25] GT: i mean sure itd be rare and thats cool

[10:25] GT: but eh

[10:25] GT: blood color only really means how long you live and how beefy your arms are

[10:26] TS: You make an interesting point, Teivel. Why do you think the limebloods were hunted to extinction, then?

[10:26] GT: although i heard limes were crazt strong with psionics

[10:26] TS: Is that why?

[10:26] GT: well i mean

[10:26] GT: probobly

[10:26] GT: either that

[10:27] GT: or some petty grievance betweenthem and the highbloods

[10:27] TS: If THAT was all it took, I don't think limebloods would be the only extinct caste

[10:27] GT: because the highbloods tend to cull anything that displeases their delicate sensibilities

[10:27] TS: to a degree

[10:28] GT: so it was probobly because a caste that was lower on the spectrum had crazy strong powers

[10:28] GT: and the higher bloods wanted to maintain the status quo of "being top dog"

[10:30] TS: Most lowbloods have stronger psychic abilities, and besides. You're a highblood too.

[10:30] GT: blegh

[10:30] GT: dont remind me

[10:30] TS: Haha! Is it really so bad?

[10:31] GT: no not particularly

[10:31] GT: im just kind of a pansy

[10:31] GT: that and well

[10:31] GT: i dont exactly get the highblood treatment anymore

[10:32] TS: Not after killing off so many others, right? Or is it because of something else?

[10:32] GT: well highbloods killing highbloods is basically the morning salute for our people

[10:32] GT: its because of this thing

[10:32] GT: idk

[10:33] TS: What thing? :/

[10:33] GT: blegh

[10:34] GT: a couple sweeps back i developed a weird mutation

[10:35] TS: A couple sweeps ago?? That's unusual. I thought most mutations happened during wrigglerhood

[10:35] TS: WHat is it?

[10:35] GT: well fuck it

[10:35] GT: i have a third horn

[10:36] GT: its small and it grew in much later

[10:36] TS: Huh. That was enough for you to get excommunicated?

[10:36] GT: well

[10:37] GT: its not really commonly known

[10:37] GT: i stopped going outside basically

[10:37] TS: Oh. SO you've only recently become a shut-in? I thought that was just how you'd always lived.

[10:37] GT: well i tend to stay indoors anyways

[10:38] GT: i dont live to close to anyone in particular

[10:38] GT: but still

[10:39] GT: less its known less problems ill have

[10:39] TS: Then how have you lost your highblood status if no one knows?

[10:40] GT: its not like a club or anything

[10:40] GT: we dont have membership cards

[10:40] GT: its just how people talk to you and react to you

[10:41] TS: What's changed?

[10:41] GT: idk actually

[10:42] GT: mostly that ive become scared of going outside and that its inevitable that im going to get culled at some point

[10:43] GT: i never really exerted much of my highblood authority before that anyways

[10:43] TS: Join the club, I guess

[10:43] TS: It's interesting

[10:43] TS: I think

[10:43] TS: Yeah

[10:44] TS: Krolio is the only normal friend I have now

[10:44] GT: krolio rules

[10:44] TS: Tru.net

[10:44] GT: i find that olive bloods tend to be pretty chill

[10:46] GT: not constantly being stepped on by litterally everyone while not exactly being encouraged to treat everyone like shit tends to produce trolls that arnt that awful

[10:46] TS: I'll tell Krolio you think he's cool

[10:46] TS: So like, does it hurt? Your new horn, I mean.

[10:46] GT: oh like a sonuvabitch

[10:46] TS: :(

[10:47] GT: i can feel it growing

[10:47] TS: (lewd.gov)

[10:47] GT: its like if a knife decided to grow out your forehead

[10:47] TS: Oh

[10:47] TS: That's... awful, right?

[10:47] TS: Have you been stabbed before?

[10:47] GT: no

[10:47] GT: but i imagine its pretty awful

[10:48] TS: Not that you have a lot to imagine, I guess

[10:53] TS: Is that it, though? Just a new horn?

-- gallionicTrickster [GT] is now an idle chum! --

[10:58] GT: well

[11:01] GT: i can like

[11:01] GT: move stuff

[11:01] GT: if i think hard

[11:02] TS: Wait, really? I wasn't actually expecting you to get bitchin' powers or anything.

[11:02] TS: You're not pulling my leg, are you?

[11:02] GT: no

[11:02] GT: it makes my head ache a little when i do it

[11:02] GT: but its no so bad with tiny things

[11:03] TS: That's...

[11:03] TS: Really cool!

[11:03] TS: ^_^

[11:03] GT: dfgfcgcgvhbjkjhgfcgvhbjnnhgfg

[11:04] GT: im not used to compliments

[11:04] GT: you dont think im a freak?

[11:04] TS: Well, not really

[11:04] TS: I'm more freaked out by the killing, honestly...

[11:04] TS: I'm a shit troll

[11:05] TS: SHHHHH.exe

[11:05] GT: thats fine

[11:05] GT: you got better stuff to do with your life anyways

[11:05] GT: considering that statistically your like

[11:06] GT: not gonna live as long as others

[11:06] TS: Maybe not.

[11:06] TS: Hm.

[11:07] TS: I don't spend a lot of time thinking about my own mortality

[11:07] GT: well

[11:07] GT: its good to be aware of it

[11:07] GT: most highbloods think theyre gonna live for centuries

[11:08] GT: im sure youve already outlived several of them

[11:08] TS: YIKES.SUPERNOPE

[11:08] GT: yikes.superyes ;D

[11:09] TS: You're a real wild one

[11:09] TS: It's interesting

[11:09] TS: I appreciate you

[11:09] TS: Uh, sorry

[11:09] GT: dfghjnhgfccgvhbjhgvcf

[11:10] GT: thats very nice of you

[11:10] GT: YOU ARE EQUALLY APRECIATED FRIEND

[11:11] TS: WOWZERS/[email protected]

[11:11] GT: #capslockisgangsta

[11:11] TS: #bitchyouknowit

[11:12] GT: so what is your actual blood color?

[11:12] TS: Oh, well...

[11:12] TS: MMMMMMM

[11:12] TS: Okay

[11:12] TS: But stay shushed about it

[11:12] TS: I really am lime

[11:12] GT: wait

[11:13] GT: what

[11:13] GT: fo sho?

[11:13] TS: Yeh, for reals

[11:13] GT: fuck

[11:13] GT: thats awesome

[11:13] GT: i mean im sure its actually kind of terrible cause like

[11:14] GT: most trolls would kill you on sight

[11:14] GT: but still thats super cool

[11:14] GT: congrats

[11:14] GT: but also my condolenses

[11:14] TS: Dude

[11:14] TS: Nice

[11:14] GT: so like

[11:15] GT: can you shoot lasers?

[11:15] GT: ive heard you guys shopot lasers

[11:15] TS: I... Lasers? I'm surprised you believe me. Unless you're just being an ass.

[11:15] TS: Are you being an ass?

[11:16] GT: well idk

[11:16] GT: i was just trying to be polite

[11:16] GT: i figured you were telling the truth

[11:16] TS: Well, I AM, but...

[11:16] TS: You don't need proof? You just... trust me?

[11:17] GT: well sure i guess

[11:17] GT: i trusted you enough to mention my freakazoid horn

[11:18] TS: Huh. Well, I mean, it's not like I can hurt you for having a mutation

[11:18] TS: Not from here

[11:19] GT: then maby you should come to my hole in the ground and hang out

[11:19] GT: by hanging me

[11:19] GT: or something

[11:23] TS: You and your sinister overtones of drama and despair

[11:24] TS: Classic Teivel

[11:24] GT: yeah basically

[11:25] TS: That's swiftly becoming your catchphrase, you know

[11:25] GT: yeah

[11:25] GT: BASICALLY

[11:26] TS: exhasperated.autorun

[11:27] GT: so are we like moirails?

[11:27] GT: or just shitheads?

[11:27] TS: Shitheads

[11:27] TS: definitely

[11:27] GT: ok cool

[11:27] GT: shitheads fo life

[11:28] TS: shithead_fistbump/DOIT.edu

[11:28] GT: fuck

[11:29] GT: dank

[11:29] TS: SERIOUS STUFF!!

[11:29] TS: Is your lusus actually okay?

[11:29] GT: yeah they fine

[11:29] GT: they a big tough lizard

[11:29] TS: Lizards are the master race confirmed

[11:30] TS: stay tuned for more useful facts

[11:30] GT: YO

[11:30] TS: So, how big is that new horn? Does it match your others?

[11:30] GT: thats lewd

[11:30] GT: its tiny

[11:30] TS: dude

[11:31] GT: but its vlike

[11:31] GT: still growing

[11:31] TS: It's been growing for, uh... two sweeps, you said? And it's still tiny

[11:32] GT: compared to my normal horns yeah

[11:32] TS: Huh

[11:32] TS: So wait

[11:32] TS: how tall are you?

[11:35] GT: 6'4''

[11:36] TS: Huh

[11:36] TS: Still tall, but not as dramatic as I though

[11:36] TS: Aren't highbloods supposed to be massive?

[11:36] GT: eh

[11:36] GT: thats rascist

[11:37] TS: Nice

[11:37] GT: ye

[11:37] TS: SO are you a shrimp or not?

[11:39] GT: not particularly

[11:40] TS: Okay, that's a relief

[11:40] TS: I've never seen anything other than the Jade bloods

[11:40] TS: so I wouldn't know

[11:40] TS: Ignorant racism, I guess

[11:40] TS: caste-ism?

[11:41] GT: its fine

[11:41] GT: friendly cast-ism is a-ok in my book

[11:41] GT: be careful tho

[11:41] GT: might mistake it for a black-rom flirting

[11:42] TS: That's just because you're an idiot

[11:42] TS: and everything has to do with romance

[11:42] TS: Hey, dude?

[11:42] TS: I gotta go

[11:42] TS: prior arrangements

[11:43] GT: okey dokey

[11:43] GT: ima go sleep in my cacoon

[11:43] TS: You do that

[11:43] TS: Catch you later

[11:43] GT: cya later limey ;)

-- gallionicTrickster [GT] gave up trolling talentedSalad [TS] at 23:44 --

@gallionictrickster

#ooc #teivel pravum #chat log

[chickadee333]

Impossible Love Masterlist

Without further ado, here is my finalized Masterlist for my novel Impossible Love. At over 85,000 words, you guys are serious readers to put up with this!

(Update: You can also find my fic on AO3 at this link. It’s easier to read there.)

As always, my intention is to write a good, well thought-out story with some sexy, smutty stuff thrown in, and I hope you enjoy it! I like to create some angst-y situations and just have things build up from there. A little sexual tension is fun, right?!? Just another fair warning: This novel contains adult content. Most of my chapters have extremely graphic depictions of sex and violence and, on one occasion, both of them together. But this is ultimately a love story, so I definitely hope you stick around for the ending.

Impossible Love: A Novel by Chickadee333 (aka D):

Chapter 1: A New Beginning

Chapter 2: A Troubled Past

Chapter 3: An Unspoken Lust

Chapter 4: A Forbidden Desire

Chapter 5: A Heartbreaking Discovery

Chapter 6: A Manipulated Promise

Chapter 7: A Welcome Freedom

Chapter 8: A Certain Homecoming

Chapter 9: An Uncertain Decision

Chapter 10: A Hostile Takeover

Chapter 11: An Indelible Mark

Chapter 12: A Time Together

Chapter 13: An Agonizing Choice

Chapter 14: A Forced Confession

Chapter 15: A Tormented Mind

Chapter 16: A Yearning Heart

Chapter 17: An Unspeakable Betrayal

Chapter 18: A New Normal

Chapter 19: A Terrifying Strength

Chapter 20: A Contrived Existence

Chapter 21: A Tragic Revelation

Chapter 22: An Imminent Return

Chapter 23: A Forever Future

(They really sound like romance novel titles, don’t they? I kinda did that on purpose since this is truly a love story...)

If you are interested in reading about my motivation and inspiration, please see my Author’s Note below!

I just wanted to give you a little background about my writing and my inspiration. Actually, my inspiration is all of you incredible people. If there were a Tumblrs Anonymous meeting, I’d be the one raising my hand saying, “Hi everyone, I’m a long-time lurker, first-time poster...” My fangirl head just explodes reading all of the crazy, sexy shit you post. And then the art that is on here! You guys are so fucking talented. My stuff is rubbish in comparison and I only hope that someday I can produce amazing art like all of you do. It is truly an inspiration. In fact, seeing the art on here is what prompted me to purchase my Wacom tablet in February. I eventually plan to have at least one drawing composed for each chapter, though that will take some time.

When I was a teenager, I voraciously read comic books (mostly X-Men) and fell in love with that world of characters and their struggles. I learned to draw by teaching myself forms, figures, shapes, and shadows as I saw them in the comics. I had always wanted to write and draw for comics, but that was a pipe dream and I instead went to college and grad school for something far, far different (science). So, this is my chance to fulfill my fantasy of writing and drawing as I always wanted. You have no idea (or maybe you do, actually) how satisfying it is to finally get this stuff out of my head and into print. When I was a teenager, my angst-ridden, sex-starved mind always wished that the comic books could have been a little X-rated—replete with sexy artwork, too. But it never happened and never would happen in mainstream comics, which is why I finally felt the need to let all of these words pour out along with the artwork to accompany them. It was almost like I was waiting for something like Suicide Squad to come by so I could latch onto it and create my ancillary, alternate universe.

I first saw Suicide Squad at the end of December and I was struck by the fact that there was so much opportunity to create a really interesting story that could never be shown in a PG13 movie (too sexy, too smutty). I spent the first three weeks of January letting the movie marinate in my mind while thinking about the characters and making up little fantasies in my head. Then I saw a note that I had left for myself one year earlier encouraging me to “write more”—which was especially jarring considering that I wasn’t writing at all. So, I decided that I would take the opportunity and start writing down my fantasies. It started with Chapter 1 and how I had wished Joker had broken out of prison in the movie. Instead of torturing Harleen, he would succumb to his pent-up desires and have sex with her. I thought it would end there but it just took off. I wrote 30,000 words in literally two weeks, and I’m continuing to write and ride this out as long as I can sustain it. I have my entire story fleshed out and outlined and I expect to have a total of 14 or possibly 15 chapters when it is concluded. Update: A little over 10 weeks later and I have finished 23(!!!) chapters at 85,000+ words, thus concluding my novel. I’m a little sad that it’s over and I definitely don’t want to stop writing, but I think I’ll focus on my drawings for now. But who knows... I have set up my story for a potentially interesting prequel (Joker’s backstory), so maybe I will eventually work on that... 2nd Update: I will be writing a sequel, not a prequel, and I expect it to be the same length (a long-ass novel, LOL).

I will admit that I am not an expert on the Joker and Harley. I have seen the Suicide Squad movie, but I have not read the novelized version of it and I do not plan to. I know the names of some characters (like Frost) from having seen them float around, but I have been making up my own characters to fit my own story. In fact, other than Joker, Harleen, and Frost, most of my characters are original to a degree. When I write, I like to envision my characters played by an actor/actress so I can describe them better and I will eventually share with you my “cast of characters” for this novel (I actually have it posted already in the end notes on my AO3 page). I also have a running soundtrack in my head as if the story were a movie, and I’ll share that with you all as well (also found at that link).

As for Joker and Harley, I know some basics about them from the movies, some comics, the animated series from the 90s, and things that I’m seeing you guys post here on Tumblr. However, I have never been happy with how the comics/tv shows/movies have portrayed characters like the Joker. It always feels like these kinds of characters are too often portrayed as two-dimensional as their image is on the page. Where is the range of emotion? Where is the depth? I love a crazy, insane character, but they are not compelling to me when there is only crazy and nothing else. Why are they crazy? What is their back story? What drives them? What are their motives? What made them who they are? Is there any piece of humanity within them that can be salvaged? That was one thing that I think they got right with Suicide Squad—Leto’s Joker was portrayed as not only an insane, trigger happy loose cannon, but also suffering emotionally in Harley’s absence. I like kick-ass characters that show vulnerability. It is fucking sexy. I think it is important to add those extra layers of personality in order to make the character feel more real.

As for my portrayal of Joker, I intended to show his emotional and vulnerable side. You know he has one. He is still a flesh and blood person, after all. And he was a real person before becoming the “idea” of the Joker. In my world, he had a normal family life as a child (until his family died in an accident), he went to school, he got some degrees, he used his genius brain to start a business, he had a fiancée and a baby on the way. But shit happened and he is now the way he is. He has anger management issues. He is violent. He is fucked up. And he accepts that. Having said that, however, I was never a fan of Harley Quinn obsequiously fawning over the Joker no matter what abuse he put her through. I do not condone domestic violence and it makes me feel pity for her when I think of her returning to her abuser. In stories where she is portrayed that way, I just want to grab her by the shoulders and tell her that she deserves better than that! I know I would not stay with my abuser—no matter how great the sex was. In real life, I work in a social services field where I have managed cases in which my clients have suffered for too long at the hands of their abusive spouse or partner. That is a fucking difficult thing to be confronted with. It is not sexy; it is heartbreaking. And I find that these real life experiences inform the way that I write. For that reason, I am writing my Harleen as a strong, empowered, independent woman. My Joker, while still the insane, trigger happy loose cannon, is written to show facets of vulnerability and emotion. I think that makes him more attractive to know that he is more than just “crazy” and abusive. I like to show that he has desires, dreams, and urges. I think that kind of depth and dimension can sometimes be missing from the comic books—not always, but sometimes.

I do want to say that there are some brilliant fanfics out there that follow comic book canon with the abusive Joker and the submissive Harley. They really hold true to the characters, and that is an incredible feat within itself—to take a character, to know their personality, and to write a story that is true to how they would act. It’s very impressive. I might finish reading with a feeling of “God damn, Harley, you gotta stop letting Joker walk all over you!” And, to me, that means that the writer was successful because they elicited a true emotion within me—whether it is pity or anger or happiness or angst. So, this is not a put-down for those who do write true to the characters. I have mad respect for you. It’s not my bag, baby, but I will read it and enjoy it and I will walk away having felt something and that is the most important thing. Art in any form should make you feel. It should make you react. It should shock your sensibilities. It should inspire. It should make you think. And that is what I hope my art—both my writing and my drawings—do for all of you.

Sorry to have blathered on for so long, but thank you for reading if you made it this far! Your likes, comments, reblogs, and messages bring a huge smile to my face when I see them. It’s like opening a present when I check my Tumblr activity and see that someone has reached out to me. And please feel free to reach out to me with any comments or questions about anything!!!

So, I thank you from the bottom of my heart and I’m so glad that you enjoy my crazy fantasies as much as I like writing and drawing them!

XOXO,

D

#suicide squad #impossible love #masterlist #joker x harley #joker #harley quinn #harleen quinzel #fanfic #fanfiction #fanart

[jacquelineirenegabriella]

Well... It's Been Awhile.

Oh Tumblr. Still here. It has been quite some time since I made a post here. Probably haven't posted up on here since sometime back in high school. Guess what? I am 20 fucking 3! So probly been about summer between like 4 to 7 years or some shit. I don't know the exact amount I am not really big on math and do not feel like doing that right now so therefore I am not going to. Anyway, I decided to go back and kind of try to start posting to my blog cuz I realize that I actually have a lot that I would like to say. And here, seems like a pretty good place to do it! But first, let me fill you in. I am currently in an all around amazing relationship. My new partner in crime is thirty fucking four. So yeah about 10 and a half or 11 years older. There you go. I did the math for you on that one. You're welcome. Anyway, some may call it a bit of a large gap, but I call it fucking awesome. Our maturity levels seem to somehow meet, almost perfectly, in the middle. Dude pays his bills but I'm pretty sure he likes Batman and Legos a little too much. But that's okay. Because I don't pay my bills and I like cussing a little too much. Anyway, enough about that guy.. Calm down everyone. I only plan on going about as far as marriage and maybe a kid or two, or maybe 3 if things work out different than we planned, and plus spending the whole rest of my life with him. Because I now know how it feels to have met someone so effing crazy yet so effing sensible and saying at the same time. And also, so damn close to perfect.. About as close as any of us humans can get, it seems. I honestly hope that you all eventually find your sensible crazy mix at some point in life too. And if you don't, then that's okay. At least I still have mine. Jk guys, go out there and find your other half. Sometimes maybe just try to look up and down and to the left and to the right (take it back now y'all😉😁) and then somewhere that you maybe didn't even consider existed before... like a magical land of awesome, with purple rivers and multicolored sunsets as well as multicolored sunrises, where they develop beautiful, genuine men with not only the sweet and gentle voice of a freakin angel, but like.. the whole package of awesome. Seriously, and I mean the WHOLE package. 😉😍 Makes sense right? He's also pretty. Js. Just another random fact about my new found gift. (Im always thankful and play with it almost everyday, of course). On to new topic. I have stuff to say and I'm going to say it. Opinions are welcome, of course, however don't respect me to definitely give flying fuck. Because ya pro. Would have about a 50/50 shot. But you know, feel free to express yourself anyway though, even though your opinion will probably be the wrong opinion most likely. Unless its the same opinion as mine. Haha. Just saying. And oh well man, that's life sometimes. So feel free to build a bridge and get over it, sir. Also thank you for reading and welcome back to my shit. Hope you enjoy. And with all that, here are a few random facts to close this post, exclusively made the up for all of you... to clarify, only some are made up. Some are real. And if you want, you can even try to guess which ones are real which or false. Kind of like a game like playing fucking Monopoly. Anyway yeah so...

1. I adore my 34 year old male creature thing person friend boyfriend.

2. I'm super protective over those I love and the most protective over creature thing. Like seriously though, I am not joking. Keep your hands to yourself cuz I will not hesitate to rip then off, along with your face. Please and thank you. 😁

3. In reference to number 2... That ass is mine. Stay away from that ass.

4. Hugh Hefner was not a criminal and did nothing wrong besides probably being a pervy old dude, just,with way more money than most of the other creepy old dudes. Also, who the hell calls themself bunnies. That's stupid. And your stupid. Stop trying to be cute, cuz your not. Your gross. And your a whore. Just like the other 22 million other basic bitches that look just like you. Please stop being repulsive.

5. The Kardashians are also annoying to though, tbh. Like, what is it exactly that they are famous for? Besides maybe Kim's big fat ass. Oh, and btw, nice job on that pornos with Ray J, Kimmy, that was some quality shit. Haha. NOT. My eyes will not be exposed to that level of purr crust. You're gross, and your voice is annoying. But not just you though, also your sisters. Even the little younger Bruce spawns or whatever they are supposed to be. My creature beautiful person doesn't like them either and neither do I. Because they're annoying and like 12 and they shouldn't be on TV. And stop doing what you're doing. I don't judge people, by the way. Not usually, anyway. Not without like, good reason. But hey, I'm only human just like you. Unless you're a robot, then your robot. I am dedicating this particular post, to my once again, very loved yet very old boyfriend. He's probably one of the smartest guys I know. Definitely also, knows how to identify and actively avoid the basic bitches. And has a pretty legit hatred for those Kardashians so yeah that was what this post was about. All for you, sir. (Those damn Kardashians!) Haha.

6. I am however, not one of those 98%. And damn proud. Also, one of my most adored friends, Shannon, is also not in that 2%. I pulled us both out of the shame puddle because we don't belong there. Don't drown, other bitches. Obviously, creature wouldn't be in the shame puddle either but I kind of figure there's a separate one for guys and separate one for girls. I don't make the rules about these things.

7. Is this boxer that is currently sitting next to me in the couch appears to have a ear infection of some sort and wants to sit right up next to me and keeps shaking his head and I'm a little nervous that liquid will come out because that's gross.

8. In all honesty though, we do take care of our dogs just to let everyone know. They are all very spoiled. Especially the one with the stupidest face. Just because you know. Nothing beats bitch Mountain face.

9. I have been living off work for over a year now with new guy that I may have mentioned once or twice above. And things are chill. Good actually. Great. I don't like to be cheesy sometimes. Makes me feel kind of shocked... Plus that one guy saying like right over there and can hear me talk to texting this whole thing right now. But I don't know if he hears things outside of his video game but there's also that chance.

10. He does.

11. Gucci is stupid and overpriced for no reason at all. And to clarify, it's the over pricing that makes it stupid for the most part. I am cool with my Kohl's or Walmart purses. They work and they don't cost me a month or II salary for a piece of fucking thick Fabric or whatever the hell they use to make purses nowadays I don't know but I know it's not damn gold so fuck that.

12. Haha. Thick fabric. Not sure why that's amusing but it is.

13. My boyfriend's name is Gary.

14. Gary said, in regards to number 15. That is amusing because it sounds like dick fabric. I neither agree nor disagree on this. But it kind of does sound like that. But like I mean kinda. With a kinda.

16. I am actually a pretty nice, laid-back person, believe it or not. I just enjoy my cuss words sometimes and stuff and you know Tumblr is going to be my new place to stay whatever basically, whenever. Yep. Opinions. Opinions. Opinions. Because everyone has them. Usually located next to your plumbus.

17. Oh and BTW... I really like music and photography and drawing and video editing and stuff. I also plan on eventually, earning my degree in psyche starting a career in clinical counseling.

18. Sometimes I feel like my boyfriend smokes too much weed. But that's okay.

19. I am so ready to finish and submit this post. But this is 19 so I wanted to bring it to an even 20 by adding one more number. Which may, very possibly, maybe, be the most important or meaningful piece of this whole post. Lr tbe very least. Time will tell. Stay tuned. Or don't. That's fine. Seriously, I wouldn't blame you if you left.

20. I love, writing, relaxing, sometimes napping, being productive when possible, the three annoying dogs, and my beautiful chiseled Angel person.

21. Ha. I lied there's 21 not 20.

[leenamahan]

Listening in 2017

Smerz-Okey

Smerz interpolates the sensibilities, sentiments, and turns of phrase I’m used to hearing delivered with a certain formulaic boldness in pop music, and instead holds them close to the chest. Much of the singing is done in a quiet, controlled way-- private melodies hummed to oneself, kept secret not out of shyness so much as to retain close personal watch over their eventual dispensation. The song I like best, a single called "Oh my my," introduces a spoken refrain late in the track: "Basic bitch problems. You're so close but you fuck up." It is alternately a muttered run-on, a small exclamation, and then doubled by a second voice, and over the course of these several iterations (which come off like an internal monologue) it gains the heft of a passing thought crystalizing into a startling realization.

Knxwledge- HX11.8

Knxwledge is so prolific that the approach of years end seems no object to him, and as a result my listening to his work is also always ongoing. Still, I do devote special attention to any new installment in his Hexual Sealings series. When this one dropped I was visiting L.A. (also where Knxwledge is based) and so it's fitting that everything here sounds blurred around the edges, like cruising oldies coming in over AM radio. The highlights: "sndmeout" sees Kelela's "Send Me Out" turned into a warbling 1960's sounding blues. On "ponyride" the opening lines of Ginuwine's "Pony" are inflected with an unsettling musical theater quality, coming across like the earnest, perfectly wholesome hopes of a wide-eyed innocent.

Future-HNDRXX

Between the two back-to-back FUTURE/HNDRXX releases, I was fully transfixed by this one. When Future sings "We the new Illuminati/All about us fuck them", I understand him to include only himself and the woman he's speaking to in this grouping-- an Illuminati of two. That's the mood throughout HNDRXX: conspiratorial intimacy.

Young Thug- Beautiful Thugger Girls

A friend more cynical than I am tried to dismiss this album as a gimmick. I almost let that diminish it for me, then I listened to "Daddy's Birthday" again. There's a pastoral quality to the whole album that's especially prevalent on that song. On "On Fire," when Young Thug talks about buying diamonds --"I put a puddle round the neck of my son"-- it comes off as the most regal declaration of a casual flex I can recall, and the image lingers in my mind as though I’ve seen it rendered as an oil painting.

Kelela-Take Me Apart

Even though I looked forward to this album more than any other this year, I didn't actually play it through front to back until a couple listens in. Instead I was drawn, over and over, to the very center of the album (track 7 of 14) by "Truth or Dare." The instrumental makes me think of the "Grindin'" beat if it were playing from a car whizzing by, blasting with the bass bottoming out, but with all the windows rolled up. A woman at home alone, watering her plants in the second floor window, and waiting for a text that might not come, hums her own tune over the muffled and receding drums as the light changes and the car pulls out of earshot.

Drake-More Life

It is in Drake's self-interest to find a way to be very tender. Or, at least, my interest is most piqued at the moments on this album when he does (like on "Teenage Fever," "Glow," "Ice Melts," and "Passionfruit"). I don't just mean when he's in his feelings either. There's a variety of introspection here--some of it dramatic, and some of it matter-of-fact--with singing to match each mood. The best thing about the album though, is probably that it put me on to Jorja Smith and left me to sit with "Get it Together" all spring and summer.

Tyler, The Creator- Flower Boy

A few years ago, around the time his previous album Cherry Bomb came out, I remember Tyler tweeting something like "why is everything trap?" It's true that right around that time the sound of mainstream rap music was shifting in just that direction, and away from the type of richly layered, R&B and jazz inflected production Tyler is clearly far more interested in. Hearing Flower Boy, I was glad it sounded unlike most other music I was listening to. He talks so much about casual, almost incidental loneliness--no great tragedy in it, rather a vaguely depressing series of banal inconveniences: he skips meals rather than eat them alone, forgets to go outside, looks up to find that it's suddenly dusk in a darkened house.

SZA-Ctrl

Besides her perfectly distinctive voice and inflection (I still think often of her assist on Rihanna's "Consideration," the near-yodel quality of her singing at one point, which she then effortlessly reels in) I love the specificity of SZA's lyrics on this album. "Normal Girl," perfectly captures the particular paranoia of the rejected, a missive sent from the other side of a usually impenetrable delusion-- the faulty logic of a woman taking all the blame, meticulously deconstructing each of her perceived failings, and refusing to ledger them against any of his.

Onyx Collective- Lower East Side Suite Part One

I often find myself comparing the sound of this group of young improvisors to that of my favorite jazz from 50 years ago, (like, is it more Albert Ayler or "Out of the Afternoon"?) a novelty I'd rather move away from. Admittedly these echoes are what drew me to the album in the first place, but the music is by no means derivative and I want to give it its due. I think what I'm hearing--and maybe it's the same thing triggering my initially nostalgic reading-- is a degree of sincerity in the approach, where jazz elements are centered, not just used as a means to some other stylistic end.  

Mabel- Bedroom EP

Before I ever listened to her I followed Mable on Instagram, more as a bookmark than anything else, to remind myself to return to her music later. But the feed outpaced my listening and by the time I actually came back to Bedroom I brought to it the context of her posts-- recording sessions, hanging out with friends, writing by herself at the piano. Maybe that background molded my first impression, as this small collection of pop songs struck me as quite genuine and personal, more-so than I'd expect from a young singer just breaking out. Mable put out a full length mixtape this year too, but I still like Bedroom best. "Talk About Forever"," is just as good a song if not better than her more popular  "Finders Keepers".