#or a straight trans man feeding into the idea that men being attracted to women is inherently dirty or perverted | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

beatrixstonehill2 · 3 months

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"Hey guys..... it's your favorite 'Vixen' back again after a very long hiatus..... Surprise! I detransitioned! And I might have packed on a pound or two. 😅 So, for those who guessed the girl I started dating was a TERF, you get the grand prize, I guess! She was so pretty and had an affinity for school uniforms.... so I swiped right. I messaged her and she told me she thought I was beautiful, that we should meet up for drinks, and that my breasts looked absolutely mouth watering. I thanked her, thinking little of it at the time, and got super excited to meet with her.

We met up, and she was wearing one of her uniforms, straight up to our date! I complimented her, she told me her name was Miranda, and I told her mine was Virago. She smiled and said it sounds exotic. She looked so naughty, I shifted nervously in place, recrossing my legs. She eyed me up and down and asked if I was actually a boy pretending to be a girl. I denied it, but then she laughed and told me she knew I was fidgeting because I had a hard on. That she loved dressing in kinky outfits girls wear in porn and hentais because it always attracts perverted men like me. Hearing her say these things made me even harder, I couldn't contain myself, I started rubbing my crotch. She laughed again, telling the waiter to address me as he/him and sir, that I can barely control my raging hard on. I blushed, and the waiter smiled and said that I don't look much like a real girl anyway, and he was only calling me she/her to be polite.

I couldn't handle it. I jerked off under the table as my breasts bounced out of my top. Onlookers watched and pointed, snickering as I pumped and pumped until I came on the floor. Miranda was elated, cheering me on, calling me a disgusting, gooner boy addicted to porn. She told me as I tried to clean up that I don't get a reduction because my ideas about women are all fueled by porn, so I flaunt my boobs online and give into male fantasies. She told me she wanted to 'correct' me, and turn me into the man I'm supposed to be.... starting with my boobs.....

I got top surgery the very next week, although now I'm basically growing tits all over again. I edge all day but only Miranda tells me when I'm allowed to cum, which is pure agony for such a perverted gooner like me. All I do is eat and watch porn. When I went to the doctor and told him I want to go on T and detrans he just smiled and said he knew I'd come to my senses sooner or later, that most of the big-breasted, ultra oversexed, beautiful trans girls he had as patients were all detransing for one reason or another. I told him 'Good' as he filled out my new scripts..... But Miranda ensured I wouldn't be some sexy, athletic guy. No, I had to be punished. She feeds me over 12K calories a day. I'm almost 400lbs in just a couple years and Miranda is as addicted to feeding me as I am to eating and jerking off. She tells me perverted guys like me deserve to all become fat, disgusting pigs so the whole world knows how gross we really are. She loves berating me in public, calling me useless, a cow, a pig, a slob, shouting at me that all I do is watch porn and stroke my little cock. I can hardly remember being 'Virago' or having such a sexy body. I live only to be Miranda's hog boyfriend who going to get fatter and fatter, until I can't leave the house or even bathe anymore....."

#detrans kink #mtf detrans kink #mtftm kink #weight gain kink

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lesbianp1lled · 3 months

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it's so lame that we even have to identify as 'gold star' lesbians at this point in human existence. unless you live in an extremely homophobic country, there just isn't a reason for a gay person to force themself be intimate with the opposite sex, period. that's self-r*pe to any actual gay person and the mere idea has always disgusted me, even when I tried to convince myself I was bi because of comphet lol (I do live in a pretty homophobic country where I've never seen a gay couple hold hands publicly in almost 30 years.. ). I've never accepted even a single date with a man, 0 intimacy (ew), because even despite being able to realize/ accept that I was a lesbian only in my early 20s, I've always instinctively known I'm gay. most people do, and thus physical contact with the opposite sex who we're not attracted to is abhorrent. that's why I think women who've had het sex and still claim to be lesbians are either fakebians or have 0 self-dignity and a desperate need for attention to the point of jumping on a d*ck for societal approval, and I'll never understand that/ f*ck with that. that's the most anti-feminist bs, I know so many straight women who didn't have sex before like 30 because they hadn't met a man they loved and trusted enough. virginity is lauded in women so there's no pressure to be with men either. so there's no justifying being with males while claiming to be a lesbian lol.

I actually needed to went about sth personal as well and since I sadly have no lesbian friends, this is the best option. basically all my relationship attempts have ended tragically because all my crushes have been het or bihet women. I live in a tiny ass country so there simply aren't enough lesbians yet there are thousands of drop-dead-gorgeous het and bihet women and I am simply a woman with eyes, what can I say.. all the actual lesbians tend to be butches, and don't get me wrong, butches have my whole heart, but I'm a femme-for-femme kinda gal, I can't help it. I am conventionally attractive and work hard to stay in shape but I'm no supermodel either and actually insanely beautiful women scare me a bit so I'm just looking for sb on the same level. I don't want to feed into the stereotype about lesbians being unattractive, I don't think that's true. but in my country it tends to be the case, which is especially jarring because the straight women are outstandingly beautiful. ofc looks isn't the main thing I'm looking for but I don't want a romantic relationship with sb I'm not even attracted to. I've tried that and it didn't work, it isn't fair on me nor them.

I've also graduated from every level of education with the highest honors, I'm a uni lecturer since 20, I have my own company, everyone tells me I'm one of the nicest people they know and I still can't find a gf who'd like me as much as I love her?? that's what's truly enraging, to see all these amazing het and bihet women genuinely love and give their all to these misogynistic subpar beer-bellied males who use them as personal maids while I can't find one (1!!) woman to love me as an objectively good-looking feminist they could 100% relate to and be in an equal/ synergetic relationship with.

I'm sorry but heterosexuality truly is a masochistic self-destructive condition in women, I know it's innate but it's true.. inc3ls (including the trans kind) have no idea what real hardship is in dating women. it's seeing the fugliest moids get with the most kind, intelligent, ambitious and hot women only to drain them from life and self-respect and not even appreciate getting with a woman waaay out of their league. while you are on that woman's level but she'll never love you even if she's bi because ultimately you just don't have a nasty dangler in your pants which doesn't even satisfy her anyway. so you just seethe in your justified bitterness and try go on with your life despite feeling like no woman will ever love you, not because you're unlovable or in any way unworthy but simply because you're a woman.

it hurts so much to see all these hot lesbian couples online, it just feels surreal, like where are these women? all I see is obese goofy-looking 'polyamourous' aka promiscuous bihet she/they qWeErs who want to use me as a s3x toy with their disgusting boyfriend.

and this brings me to my ex. she was the one I gave a chance to because she was the first woman to make a move on me, she told me I was perfect, we talked for hours every day for months, went on dates, she fantacized about living in a house together etc, only to randomly ghost me, tell me our relationship meant nothing despite me having admitted to her I was already traumatized by bihet women leading me on. and then ofc she got with some receding neckbeard guy who looks like he could be her uncle not long after lmao. after legit telling me she detests men and would Nevvverr date one again, that I was her perfect woman. so all she gave me was trust issues that all women are secretly bihet c*cksuckers who will eventually leave me no matter how perfect and lovable I am. I know this can't be true but it truly feels like that. she just got married to that male (probably partly for a visa lol) but she certainly tries to convince herself and others desperately she's madly in love with him while watching all of my insta stories in 2.3 seconds for some reason, I've muted her so I found out about her marrying months later.

maybe she knew I was far out of her league and randomly sabotaged our relationship, because it was such a shock out of a blue sky to me. thankfully I wasn't fully in love yet and dodged her (mentally unstable) bullet but we need to address the trauma these bihet women leave us with. because that's entirely valid and not our fault, not everyone has the privilege to date fellow lesbians when finding a real one who isn't a fakebian feels impossible to begin with. I also hate the infantilization of lesbians, she definitely used me for her idiotic little 'sapphic daydreams', f*ck that, we are not some uwu fairies, we are grown women and we are just as entitled to only date people we're physically attracted to as het women. as I said, I wasn't even that attracted to her but the knowledge that she got hetero married while larping as some grand qWeEr feminist who will never date males again hit me like a truck. she's out to the world while I'm only out to my friends and some family because I could be discriminated against at my homophobic workplace. the fkn iront in that.. she even started identifying in plural after meeting him lmaoo, she must've realized that she really is just a measly hetero and no longer has a way 'in' to the lgbt thing she desperately wants to co-opt. she's 100% a poli-qweer lol.

I hate that I'm even allowing myself to be traumatized by her, she's unworthy of that but I can't help it, every romantic experience only worsens my trust issues with women and my current crush is bi as well.. at least she doesn't lie about liking men which is still off-putting but at least she's honest. idk what to do anymore. I'm just livid at this homophobic heteronormative world and the way the hets just keep getting away with it. I nearly threw up at the sight of all het couples today.

and bihets are the worst male-worshippers out there as well, they put up with so much more bs from men than decent self-respecting het women do. and they're desperate to be with a man at all times. some time ago I went out with a bi woman who I didn't know was bi, she presented herself half-virginal, did mention two exes, male and female. but turns out she has slept with every other man in town, brags about it online as if that makes her a 'bad bitch' , no hun, just an unpaid prostitute for patriarchal pleasure.

the only consolation is that het relationships are never equal so they will not have some idyllic marital bliss with their ugly moids as they desperately want to pretend. but still, they have such immeasureable social privilege being het-attracted and -partnered and then they have the audacity to larp as some great qWeEr activist publicly without any shame in their hypocrisy. god I wanna expose her fake ass so badly, tell everyone what a lying bihet charlatan she is. I might never be able to get married in my country because I'm actually gay and she's unapologetically prancing around with a husband when she said she'll never date a man again. as gay people we grapple with so much baseless misplaced shame while the het fakers seem to feel none. meanwhile there are lesbians all over the world forced into loveless het marriages to be r*ped by their husbands. unspeakably disgusting. sometimes I just want to vacate this abhorrent homophobic planet but can't let the homophobes win.

sorry for the long rant but what do you think I should do going forward? I feel like I'm succumbing to complete bitterness and despite not envying the misogynistic relationships of heteros, at least they have the opportunity to be in romantic relationships without fearing being discriminated against, disowned or hate crimed, no matter how flawed their relationships are. meanwhile I'm just getting older, I might still look 18 but I feel like I'll die before a woman of worth will ever reciprocate my love. where to move, where are the actual lesbians?? how to deal with the bilious defeatism and, tbh unfortunately justified victim mentality?

I'm sure a lot of lesbians can relate to my experiences and I would really appreciate them sharing how they got out of this hole/ repeating pattern of dating women who were beneath them and unable to actually love women romantically/ sexually. at this point I'd do anything to even have a woman sexually objectify me at least 😩

oh, and what's notable is that despite never having been in a proper committed relationship and having these failed traumatic attempts, I have never resented women as a whole. women owe me nothing, but the women who have literally thrown themself at me only to lead me on like I begged them not to deserve no remorse. and I haven't lost my mind or general will to live either, I thrive academically and at work, I entertain myself and enjoy my time with family and friends. I don't normally hate on other people in relationships for no reason either, just in a really bad place rn lol. I think it's important to note for all of the lesbophobes out there who call us 'lescels' and compare us to r*pe-loving misogynistic incels who think they should own women as sex toys. I've never resented a woman like that even if she's hurt me beyond words, that shit is just degenerate y-chromosome scrote coded. lesbians will never be able to oppress women, not even if some have unrightful disdain against women because we are the ones oppressed by hetero-attracted women.

also hate we have to identify as gold star lesbians because surely it makes sense that a lesbian wouldn’t ever sleep with a man? But so many call themselves lesbians even if they have slept with a man which is a false identity for them because a lesbian just wouldn’t sleep with a man. But the whole ‘gold star lesbian’ thing started as a way for straights to make fun of us. They’d say “Oh you haven’t slept with a man? Do u want a GOLD STAR?” so when I call myself a gold star lesbian i’m mostly just reclaiming it and saying yeah I am proud of it, and yeah give me a gold star! Lmao

I won’t go into everything you said because i’ll be here all night but I’m also a femme mostly attracted to other femmes and it is true most lesbians are butches which makes our dating pool even smaller. I don’t rule out butches completely, I have found some attractive I’m just mostly attracted to femmes and I’ve never met a butch irl I’ve known other femme lesbians though.

What I think you should do moving forward? Is not to lose hope. I believe there is someone out there for everyone. Get in touch with the local community, if you don’t like going to nightclubs u could always join any events or anything like that, a good way to feel in touch with ur local community can be things like volenteering and the like.

I know it’s hard out here for lesbians but you will find your person. My dms are always open if u wanna vent or just talk!

#asks

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extremeexhaustion · 3 years

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One Piece Pride Headcanons

Straw Hats:

Luffy- Demisexual, Panromantic, and Genderflexible; Luffy's concepts of gender, sex, and romance are drastically different from most as he grew up in unusual circumstances. He's only been shown to display sexual interest in people he was close to (ex. Nami vs Hancock, Franky in one scene in a filler episode). There is a little projection from me as a demisexual individual starving for a character to relate to. You know this ray of sunshine is full of love for everyone and everything. I highly doubt gender matters to him when it comes to romance. On the same note, isn't overly concerned with pronouns used towards him or what others view him as (ex. had no issue using a feminine name like Lucy or trying on a dress). May take this oblivious rubber person a few tries using pronouns besides he/him to realize you're talking to him, but will respond once he realizes this.

Zoro- Gay, Demiromantic, and Cis; no sexual interest shown in woman (didn't join the peeping on Nami & Vivi). A respect for woman and attraction to them is not the same thing. Zoro clearly values loyalty and honor which gives me the impression that he wouldn't date just anyone. Feeds my Zolu soul as he only follows Luffy and treats him as his sole superior besides maybe Mihawk. Tries to act blasé about gender, but has clear ideas of gender clearly drilled into his mind. Fine with being a man and identifying as such.

Nami- Lesbian, Homoromantic, and Cis; has no signs of wanting to be a man despite pretending to be one for a few episodes. Nami has had reactions to two female characters where she showed a level of physical attraction to them. She has also shown no interest in dating or the looks of men. Sure, she has flirted with men, but it was more to achieve a goal. A means to an end and not attraction. She has only been fairly sweet to female characters with the main one being Vivi (one of the first F/F ships I ever had). How she reacts to the crew, it gave me the vibes of an annoyed lesbian tired of the others.

Usopp- Bisexual, Biromantic, and FTM Trans; well I got roped into the cult of transman!Usopp. I cultivated my own idea that he makes his own T as he's an expert with chemicals and he grows a plant that creates seeds that have a stronger effect than his previous chemicals. Maybe that it even changed his anatomy. Haven't thought much on it. Our boy here has only shown interest in women so far, but he also has an interesting attachment to Sanji. I'd say with Usopp's curious nature that he'd at least be willing to try dating/having intercourse with a man.

Sanji- Bisexual, Biromantic, and Cis; I think it's fairly clear that he has attached much of his identity to being a man and Judge wouldn't been decent enough to call a trans child by their preferred pronouns. Sanji is a loving and passionate man. Once he works through the gender trauma from his childhood, he becomes more open to his attraction to men. Still has a preference for woman, but does have feelings for the occasional man.

Chopper- Questioning; he is only a teenager. Baby doesn't have to know what he likes yet. He does careful exploration like when he's trying to make a new medicine.

Robin- Pansexual, Biromantic, and Demigirl; I wasn't sure what to peg Robin as but hetero/cis was not it. Like Usopp, our resident archeologist is fairly curious. I'd imagine she'd be open in terms of sex and romance although she's a little more cautious about who she dates. I also think she wouldn't have issues with being referred to in a neutral or masculine way, but she leans more towards being a woman.

Franky- Heterosexual, Heteroromantic, and Cis; a straight that's doing okay and is a wonderful ally.

Brooke- Heterosexual (flexible), Heteroromantic, and Demiboy; secure enough in manhood to have messed around when he was alive and has some gender hangups due to skeletal state.

Jinbei- Heterosexual, Heteroromantic, and Cis; haven't seen much evidence to the contrary.

Others:

Law- Asexual and Aromantic; this man has never shown sexual or romantic interest in anyone. He just likes his select group and no one else which is why he had to be bullied into being Luffy's friend. I swear some of you guys just ship him with people cause you think he's hot. Personally, I love the trope of the Tired Asexual(TM) just trying to keep everyone from dying. I know it's not a common one, so I take it where I can get it.

Kiku- Canon MTF transgender; shown improvement of Oda's former bigotry; treated like a normal person; 10/10

Yamato- Canon FTM transgender; shown improvement of Oda's former bigotry; treated like a normal person; 10/10

#zolu #namivivi #lgbt pride

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fishfem · 2 years

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15, 21 and 27

15. are femmes the same as straight women

idk if this refers to in general or regarding their use of femininity. in general, no. they're lesbians. partaking in femininity doesn't magically erase that. re use of femininity, no their femininity isn't magically special and exempt from criticism. literally every woman makes exemptions for herself on why well, other women do this for men and society but i do it for myself. not being attracted to men doesn't magically erase the effects of being a woman in society and the pressure to conform for some degree of social benefit. femme lesbians might be less feminine than your average straight woman but if they're feminine, and especially since theyre defining themselves as feminine as a separate cstegory from masculine, theyre just feeding into the same system. sorry gyns.

21. misogyny in gay men

gay men are absolutely misogynistic and i'll take a homophobic straight woman over a misogynistic gay man any day of the week. i think radblr has a blind spot when it comes to gay men and often likes to put them on a bit of a pedestal here in order to have a voice from the gay men on the effects of trans issues, not realizing their focus and mollycoddling on their words simply being another way male voices are valued more.

27. do butch/femme couples imitate heterosexuality

i think this is a useless question. i think a more useful question is "do butch/femme categories reinforce the existing categories of masculine and feminine" and i think yes. i dont feel like expanding on my opinion on this since god knows people feel one way or another. i'm not totally against the idea of using butch as a way to describe a group of women as the experiences of very gnc lesbians is pretty stark and it's nice to have a word to describe the woman (such as myself) who passes as a man intentionally or not most days, but i think it can also be a way for dysphoric women to other themselves in the exact same way trans and nonbinary are used and i think that's unhealthy and the gender role being a specifically lesbian made one doesn't exempt it from it's harmful position in our system.

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nothorses · 3 years

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hey sorry if it comes off as weird, but i'm a bit desperate. i had a real bad time figuring out my identity growing up and for like, the past 4~5 years i've become really comfortable and happy whenever i referred and thought of myself as a gay nb trans man; i experience legit gender euphoria whenever ppl address or acknowledge me as such, and the most connection i feel is to gay/bi men/men-aligned ppl. that said, i've struggled with obsessive/intrusive thoughts since i'm like, 12~13 due to (1/?)

a phobia, and they often appeared when i was already feeling low/stressed/anxious over unrelated stuff. y'know when you're having a good time and suddenly your brain goes 'oh hey, remember that thing you have doubts about and makes you distressed? and you think it's not true? well, here it is again (: you're welcome!'. that's it.

so social isolation due to the pandemic has taken a toll on my mental health and recently i have been... struggling a lot not only with dysphoria (i was supposed to start hrt last year but it was postponed due to, well), but also with obtrusive/intrusive thoughts over 'how i'm faking it, i am actually a cis lesbian' (i never felt attracted truly to women, even tho i had kissed two before, and i am Positively attracted to men in a way i can only describe as 'gay').

it has gotten to a point where i cannot think about, y'know, woman characters from stuff i like that i feel like this is somehow a sign i'm actually a lesbian; i have been dreaming a lot of situations i'm either framed as a lesbian or a straight girl, i have been hyperaware of how cis ppl perceive me (pre-transition, as 'girl') and obsessing over little shit like, if women are looking at me in certain ways when i have to go out (sometimes even 'wishing' it, as if it wanting to 'prove' anything).

i feel...... exhausted, none of these make me feel good, all of this makes me feel distressed. i get dreadful when i take 'lol ur lesbian' results at stupid internet quizzes too. i feel like i cannot talk to anyone about it bc i feel like they're gonna try to feed me either 'internalized lesbophobia' or terf rhetoric, which is smth im v aware of, and part of the reason i've been obsessing over as well.

i had mild doubts about stuff before (like if i was rly a binary trans guy or nb, or if i was bisexual) but none was... like this, y'know. i was also dumb and read a bbc article about detransitioning ppl which opened with 'studies say most trans ppl dont doubt' etc. featuring two cis lesbians that detransitioned after entering a relationship with one another. i feel rly rly rly dreadful i wish i could go back to feeling like myself (gay and guy) like i did before.

i'm sorry for the longest fucking ask btw, and also, tumblr hadnt let me send the rest for like, Hours, i'm deeply sorry

[Edited for formatting]

I think a lot of this is very normal, especially for transmascs.

We’re constantly fed this idea that we can’t really trust our own perception of reality, that we don’t know ourselves as well as others do, and that the things we believe about ourselves are temporary, silly, and “signs” of some deeper reality that someone else knows for us. It’s only natural that we’d internalize some of those feelings, and struggle to trust even the most irrefutable evidence of our own realities.

If it helps to have some tools in those moments, a couple of reminders:

Cis girls do not typically dread the idea of being girls. They might dread the social repercussions or expectations, they might hate girls who look/act in certain ways, but they do not typically hate that they are girls.

If you are feeling dread over the idea that you might be attracted to women, you probably aren’t! It’s good to work on feeling more at peace with the possibility, because orientation can be very fluid for some folks, and being ready to accept yourself if things change takes a lot of pressure off- but if you don’t want to be with women, you just literally do not have to be with women. For any reason. Even if you are “secretly” attracted to them, if you don’t want to be with them anyway, you simply do not have to be.

Trans people experience doubt. We experience it all the time. We experience it pretty much endlessly! Maybe there are trans folks who never, ever doubt their genders, and I’m very happy for them; but that’s the exception, not the rule, in my experience. This study talks about the steps toward trans self-acceptance, and finds each step is an ongoing process, and often a back-and-forth. It was very comforting for me to recognize the patterns & know I’m not alone.

The focus on AFAB detransitioners is driven by transandrophobia. Because saving the “poor little girls” is a compelling motivator in a misogynistic society. Most detransitioners are actually folks who were AMAB, and found the societal pressure and backlash was too overwhelming, or made things too unsafe, for them to carry on with their transitions. Most detransitioners, period, are people who had to stop because of safety issues, or lack of access to their transition needs.

It’s very normal to go through periods of high doubt, and periods of high self-assuredness. You may just have to ride this out; surround yourself with as much support and love as you can, remind yourself that those fears aren’t really based in reality, and be kind to yourself during this difficult time. Try to make choices that prioritize your mental and emotional health.

You will get through this period of doubt, and come back to finding love and joy in your identity again! It might just take a little time & patience.

(Also no worries over the sending confusion; Tumblr’s a lil broken sometimes, and it’s genuinely not even remotely an issue.)

#long post #advice #Anon #Ask

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failbaby · 3 years

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Hi so I’ve done research/intel collection for an anti fascist group for years, and something I wanted to say about TERFism is that it’s (unfortunately) a fast-growing ideology, and the reason for this is that their content is designed to appeal to young cisgender girls and pull them into a downward spiral of hate and brainwashing.

This is why deplatforming is important.

If you’re familiar with the alt-right pipeline, wherein impressionable young white boys are gradually radicalized into neo-nazism by online creators who appeal to an adolescent sense of peer marginalization, wanting to belong to a group, wanting to feel powerful, etc. by creating an “other” in ethnic minorities, I would argue that the “radicalization” process of TERFs is similar.

(I’m not saying these groups are the same.)

Similar to how alt-right content is often designed to appeal to white boys who have faced social isolation and bullying, TERF content is often catered towards cis girls who have been victims of misogynistic violence. They prey on rape victims, especially.

They offer to create a “safe” community free of “men” for victims of misogynistic crimes. On the surface, this sounds unassuming enough, and if you’re a 14-year-old girl who is traumatized and not educated on their beliefs and the truths of their community, this could so easily offer comfort and a sense of belonging.

Of course, none of this is as it seems—they use this idea of “being safe from the men who hurt you” to mask their true agenda. The “men” they’re talking about are transgender women. They post about “men” and “males,” and all they’re ever talking about is transgender women. It’s a dog whistle, definitely, but it’s also an attempt at attracting and radicalizing young cisgender girls who have been traumatized by cisgender men and want to feel seen and heard.

They draw in young trauma victims, and within this so-called “safe community,” they feed them a combination of bioessentialism, less overt transmisogyny (like, stuff that wouldn’t be obvious to the untrained teenage eye), and posts about “men” and “male violence,” and then they ask them to put two and two together and ~naturally~ conclude that trans women are violent predators.

Once this initial “radicalization” has happened (they have a name for this—it’s their version of the “red pill”), they, just like alt-right creators, invite these girls down a deeper and increasingly hateful rabbit hole.

They use manipulative strawman tactics, telling these girls that they’re “the only ones talking” about things like rape, misogynistic abuse, and female genital mutilation, so that they’ll feel isolated within the community.

They tell them that no one else will take them seriously because they are women, they tell them that the wider LGBT community is out to get them, they tell them that transgender women want to hurt them just as the cis men in their lives did—it’s straight up cultish. They prey on the fear of traumatized young women in order to spread their hateful agenda.

This is why it’s important to not spread anything from their blogs—even if it looks innocent to you, they are constantly, intentionally creating content that scaremongers and manipulates vulnerable people, and giving them any kind of platform may just lead someone else down that rabbit hole.

I know from experience that if any of them see this, they’re going to talk about how I’m being Thought Police here, and how I, on behalf of the entire trans/nonbinary community, am discouraging you from reading and learning. I’m not. Read all the articles and studies about sex and gender that you can get your hands on. Learning is great.

What I’m telling you is that you should stay away from hateful, manipulative propaganda, which—make no mistake—is what they’re spreading. You’re not learning anything or getting any valuable information from reading TERF blogs. Find a legitimate source from which to learn about gender.

Last thing—in saying that TERF content is predatory, I’m not making excuses for anybody, but, just as we say “watch out for your boys” in re. alt-right content, I think we as TME folks should really be making an effort to watch out for our girls, especially those we know have suffered a trauma.

If you’re close to a young girl who has suffered at the hands of a man, please reach out to her if you can. Make sure she’s getting the help she needs. Make sure she has a space where she can talk openly about her experiences, and make sure she feels loved, heard, and accepted. Please do what you can to help her recover. Don’t let any scumbags take advantage of her suffering and turn it into more suffering. She doesn’t deserve that—she deserves a REAL community that will REALLY help her heal.

#oc

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shkspr · 4 years

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hey do you have any advice on figuring out your sexuality? I don't know what your experience has been but im struggling

anon, i am deeply sorry that it took me so long to answer this. it’s a combination of the fact that you can’t edit a draft of an ask on mobile (wack) and the fact that i’ve been trying to figure out how to say what i want to say (normal, i feel). anyway, this is what i’ve got, and i hope it helps.

first off, due to the nature of the things i’m discussing here, i want to state unequivocally that i am a lesbian who is open to relationships with trans women because i am attracted to women, and trans women are women. if anybody touches this post with their transmisogyny i will cast the evil eye on them.

for what it’s worth, my experience with my own sexuality has been a long, hard process, and it’s been heavily, undeniably affected by my simultaneous journey with my gender identity, my personal identity, my childhood trauma, and my mental health. pretty much from the ages of 13 to 19 i was in a constant state of questioning everything about myself as a person. the only reason i even considered i might not be straight was bc i had friends who were not straight and i admired them. you can see how that would be confusing to a small teen who is already insecure about being a poser and a fake in every other aspect of life.

once i really examined what i was feeling, and talked it out with some of the aforementioned friends, i could admit that i wasn’t pretending, and that’s when i began identifying as bi. i wove in and out of different terminologies for a few years, burned thru several nb identities and several aspec identities, but the bottom line was that i was attracted to my own gender and other genders, and that was solid for a while.

when i was 18, i began thinking that i might be a lesbian bc, shock of shocks, i had made some very cool lesbian friends whom i admired. and i pretty much pushed that idea out of the way for a bit, telling myself it was not the truth, that i just wanted to feel special and cool, i just wanted to fit in. but then, shock of shocks again, i talked to some of my cool lesbian friends and they were very understanding and accepting and explained to me why all the reasons i thought i “couldn’t” be a lesbian were actually bullshit.

so then i was a lesbian! and i spent a long time exploring my relationship with sex and found that i wasn’t asexual; some people are, and that’s cool! but my experience wasn’t a lack of sexual attraction or desire, it was a fear of vulnerability and a traumatic history with sexual content. i still had (or have) a complex experience with sex, and a muddy picture of gender, and a deeply flawed concept of interpersonal relationships, but i am a lesbian. and i’ve been comfortable with that for a while now, and i don’t foresee myself changing how i feel about that, but unexpected things can happen.

and even though i’m comfortable with being a lesbian and calling myself a lesbian, there are always going to be things that give me pause. the thing is, the main way that i’ve changed and grown in this regard, is that those things don’t make me seriously question myself anymore. i’m secure enough in my sexuality to know that comphet, genderfeels, societal bias, etc etc, doesn’t make me less of a lesbian, even though it might feel like it sometimes.

that’s what it’s been like for me. my experiences are not universal, but i do happen to know that some of them are fairly common. but there’s also no right or wrong way to find yourself. there’s no rush, there’s no requirement. it is confusing and difficult more often than not, in a lot of different and scary ways. that being said, if there’s one piece of advice you take away from this post, it’s to always remember that your experiences are your own, and nobody else can decide for you what they mean or what to do with them.

it’s like this: you know when people say “everyone’s a little bit bisexual”? that’s not true, obviously. but i think there’s a truth hidden underneath it, and i think it’s a common experience that erroneously leads some people to that belief. no matter how you identify, there is almost always going to be something - compulsory heterosexuality, personal trauma that makes sex or romance uncomfortable, past relationships, one (1) very attractive man, whatever it is - that makes you think you’re wrong. even if you know you’re right. there’s always going to be something that could at any moment cause you to stop and think: wait, am i lying to myself?

and some people are not as vulnerable to those thoughts! some people go thru their daily lives and very rarely, if ever, consciously question their sexuality or their perception or performance of it. but other people are more susceptible to the thought spirals and the self-doubt and the confusion, and society at large feeds that and feeds upon it. for every lesbian you meet, there’s seven people giving twelve different reasons why they can’t be a “real” lesbian. for every bisexual person you meet, there’s a handful of thinkpieces about bisexuality that contradict their experiences. and so on and so forth. and that’s enough to cause a lot of indecision and anxiety.

but it’s also very freeing to take that thought and follow it to its necessary conclusion: that nobody on earth can tell you what your sexuality is. sure, if you’re a woman who feels genuine attraction to men and wants to pursue sex or relationships with them, you’re not a lesbian. that’s just because words have meanings. but you get to decide what “genuine attraction” is to you, and you get to decide whether you’re comfortable pursuing those relationships. and that’s just one example; the same logic applies broadly.

the bottom line is really that agonizing over labels and definitions just means you miss the forest for the trees. in a practical sense, in real life, who would you want to date, marry, kiss, have sex with, etc.? without thinking about what you should do, what you should want, what you’d be able to do if you had to, what you did last week, internet discourse, a dream you had when you were 12, whatever, none of it is relevant except insofar as it informs your current feelings on the matter. you’re not obligated to choose a label, and if you want one then there’s no deadline to pick one, and once you do you’re not locked into an identity for life.

which is all to say that no, not everybody is a little bit bisexual, but nobody is 100% anything, in this or any other facet of life. and that doesn’t mean that people’s sexualities aren’t valid; they are valid, but they aren’t objective or concrete in the way we would often like them to be. they’re helpful labels for explaining something that is actually unfathomably complicated. so whatever you do, whatever you decide: you don’t need to be sure, you don’t need to be right, you don’t need to be a certain kind of person, you don’t need to be anything in particular. you just need to be comfortable.

#Anonymous #long post ---#ok to rb #gd this is a doozy

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thesaviorofmisbehavior · 6 years

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Telling nonbinary people that attraction to them doesn’t “count” enough to make someone mspec is shitty for a lot of reasons. I shall list some.

1. Identity erasure within a relationship can become intimate partner violence. I have a couple of peer reviewed papers hanging around on my google drive somewhere that discuss this. The one that comes to mind first is Goodman and Woulfe, 2018. I really don’t think anybody should be walking around telling people to misorient themselves in the first place, but I think y’all need to be REALLY careful about this when it comes to telling partners of nb folks how to identify (which is shitty anyway, you don’t know that person’s attraction anyway cause you’re not them. And who made you the judge of every mspec person’s sexuality anyway lmao) when you can/are feeding into an abusive tendency that occurs within the queer community already.

2. To tell people that attraction to nb folks doesn’t “count” towards making someone mspec, you do one of two things. You either reduce nb people down to their genitals, or you assume that all nb people are either AFAB or DFAB (although in specific incidents I’ve encountered, I’ve ALWAYS seen it be the assumption that nb folks are all AFAB, never the other way around. Which just smacks of misogyny).

2. Reducing people to their genitals is radfem/terf ideology 101. You are what’s in your pants. Nothing more nothing less. You probably see why any non cis person would be upset by this, but just in case you want to be obtuse, I’ll elaborate anyway. By boiling nonbinary folks down to their genitals you’ve tapped into a driving piece of ideology in radical “feminism.” This is the idea that says “trans men are self hating lesbians” and “trans women are male rapists trying to sneak into female only space,” and so on and so forth. If you’re offended by being associated with this ideology... good. I’m not saying you yourself are a radfem/terf/swerf/what have you, but you are using their rhetoric, their ideas and their tactics regarding this one topic. And their values regarding gender essentialism are just as shitty as every single one of their other values.

3. I’ve seen people outright state that if someone says they’re attracted to nonbinary people and women, they actually just mean they’re attracted to women. (I never see this the other way around 🤔) I’m ASSUMING that this comes from a conscious or subconscious belief that being nonbinary is a thing for people with vaginas, and that all nonbinary folks look like they were AFAB (which is shitty tbh. You shouldn’t be walking around trying to assume what’s in people’s pants. And it’s outright false. The head of our women’s and gender studies department LOOKS like a cis man. You would never know until he tells you in the first week or so of one of his classes that he’s nonbinary and was AFAB.)This is shitty for the aforementioned gender essentialism mentioned above. AS WELL AS being shitty for erasing the experiences of AMAB nonbinary folks. AS WELL AS bearing the same destinct ring as... oh... well... every misogynistic trend ever of trying to control and dictate young women’s sexuality, gender and self expression.

4. This is all really just a resurgence of the same kind of bullshit that fuels radfem transphobia, that fueled truscum’s outcry against nonbinary genders (which is still around, but talking about that particular gaslighting trip is for another post), and that feuded the nasty bihet/straight passing privilege bullying campaigns.

Sincerely,

A nonbinary bisexual who’s fucking tired of hearing people who aren’t bi and nb tell us how we can and can’t live our lives, express ourselves, and identify, and then act like that’s not what straight people have been doing to queer folks all along.

#a speaks #exorsexism #transphobia #nbphobia #biphobia #anti radfem #anti terf #anti truscum #anti transmed #anti swerf #queer #queer community #intracommunity aggression #gender essentialism #genitalia mention #transmisogyny #misogyny #yall just love to talk over people that you’re trying to ‘’help’’ huh

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godfirstgodalways · 6 years

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Hey, I’m not trying to start anything- I just had a question I guess? So I was taught that God hates sin because sin hurts people, which makes sense to me- lying, stealing, cheating, and so on, have the potential to hurt people. But if being gay or bi or trans doesn’t hurt anyone, why would god hate it & why would it be a sin? Again, not trying to fight, just want to know if I’m not understanding something correctly & be the best follower of Christ I can me, sorry if it comes off the wrong way

Not at all. :) I would probably have the same question if I didn’t already understand. There are many sins that don’t seem like they hurt others, such as idolizing people like celebrities, giving in to temptation by eating foods you know you shouldn’t be eating especially when you prayed to God to make you healthier, secretly judging people, putting aside God’s convictions (ignoring that still voice that speaks His truth), smoking pot for recreational purposes even though you’re doing it in the privacy of your own home, habitually swearing even if it’s just around people who most likely have the same habit, procrastinating, masturbating, watching porn, the list goes on…

What all these sins have in common and more including the ones that hurt people is that there’s zero obedience. There’s a lack of discipline, there is no self-control. These sins are a result of giving in to the flesh, living in your own terms, pleasing your own nature, and basically choosing what you want and not what God wants for you. This world is sinful but God knew we needed grace, that’s why He sent His Son, Jesus. By accepting Christ as our Savior, we also accept discipline into our lives. But people forget that. They think it’s a one and done deal, that if you accept Christ or get baptized, you have a guaranteed spot in heaven, which is religious thinking. And they go on living as they please, basically wasting His grace. The awesome thing about growing in Christ is over the years you mature. Christian or not we will continue to sin until we die. In this case the difference between a mature Christian and a new Christian or someone who is not Christian at all is the mature Christian should sin relatively less, which means they’ll also receive more blessings from God. If they still sin as much as they did in the past before they gave their life to Christ, then either they are probably lukewarm Christians or they gave up altogether and are content with their old ways. They have become stagnant in their spiritual walk, the vision they once had and were passionate about serving the LORD is no longer as clear as before. Their purpose is blurred, so they go on to find happiness in the wrong things, from materialistic things, to drugs, to relationships, to work….We forget that accepting Christ is everyday, which means we need discipline everyday. Discipline comes from the word disciple. A follower and believer of Christ must practice it everyday if they are truly disciples of His.

I had a potential to be gay. I kid you not. If I didn’t discipline myself to stop certain thoughts and stop entertaining myself with the possibility then I would’ve continued pleasing the flesh, and would’ve eventually identified as bisexual or lesbian. But because of the positive influence I was around growing up, from church, youth group, summer camps and winter camps, the Christian club I had in my school, and just being around other Christians who didn’t necessarily have a one on one talk with me, but what I learned was ingrained in my head as wisdom. Even though I didn’t have a day to day relationship with God, I had enough positive reinforcement to listen carefully to my convictions and obey Him. Had I not, I would’ve continued to be mesmerized with the idea of same-sex relationships, I would’ve delved deeper into the possibilities by exploring my alter-ego. I wouldn’t know about the importance of humility and I would’ve continued to be proud. It is actually a sin to be proud (Proverbs 16:5).

If anyone calls themselves Christian but choose to believe they have this side that is uncontrollable, that is not of God. Recognize its desire to be independent and free, don’t continually feed it’s wants. Starve it. It is not of God. Once a person is sold to God, they become a bondservant of Christ; they have accepted that they are identified with Christ, and there is no such thing as a second self in you as a whole. There is the life of Christ in you, but when you identify with Him, you become one with God. I believe the acceptance of a second self, an alter-ego, is where developed personality disorders come from. The more a person is identified with things, ideas, persons, and not solely on God, the more anxiety welcomes itself into their life. If you are a Christian, it means you acknowledge and agree as being one with God. You must strive to have the characteristics of Christ, to love like Him and think like Him. Period. He was sent to serve as the greatest example for all humans. Daily, each person must put to death their old selves along with their sins through surrender and be resurrected and reborn with the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of God.

Personality type tests, astrology/zodiac signs, opinions of others you have made become your reality….anything that you have ever believed in about who you are without truth from the Bible has the potential to divide your heart and soul. But identifying yourself with Christ alone and not the things of this world assures you that He will protect your integrity, where you remain whole and complete in God. The more a person entertains said truths about themselves apart from what God says about them in the Bible, is essentially a way of worship. Whatever has a higher importance than God to you (anything that doesn’t have Him as the purpose behind your intentions), by entertaining those thoughts, they become your god. Pay attention and make sure you are worshipping God and not other gods. In homosexuality’s case, it is the desires that come with it that are put before God, which makes them a slave to themselves and the rest of the world. There is no obedience there when it comes to honoring Him with the mind and body they were given. Christian homosexuality hurts families and loved ones, it hurts the life of Christ inside them when they allow their minds and bodies to be enticed in such a way. There’s gay porn and that hurts people, but we don’t hear about it. It may even tear heterosexual relationships apart. It hurts the soul of the one who identifies themselves as gay and proud. God has so much better for them if they just surrender and obey. Our lack of obedience leads to more sins, which bites us in the butt sooner or later. He wants our obedience no matter what, wether you’re gay or not because there is a lot of evil in this world, and He only wants what’s best for us. We don’t even know what’s best for us a lot of the times, but our Creator does. I believe that discipline leads to obedience, and obedience to trusting God more, and trust to more faith, and more faith to more peace and joy, to more wisdom/growth/maturity.

I remember listening to a guest speaker on Focus On The Family. I forgot her name, but her story was really interesting. She said since the day she could remember, she has always had an attraction towards the same sex and didn’t understand it, but knew it was wrong. I forget if she ever had relations with other women, but anyway, she started going to church after she was invited by a friend…she felt so welcomed and no one condemned or judged her. She made genuine friends who became her prayer partners, and eventually her relationship with God led her to have stronger convictions, and although it was a long process, one day it became clear to her that she no longer had these gay thoughts and feelings. She felt a joy and peace she had never encountered before. She started dating Christian men, and now she and her man are happily married. There are more true stories like this that we don’t hear about. Often we think it’s impossible to convert anyone from gay to straight. That’s true because it’s not our job. Only God has the power to do that. But imagine if the Christians she got to know judged her or easily gave up on her?…she would not have changed her sexual identity, but more importantly she would not have truly gotten to know Jesus Christ, her Savior, and she would not have completely identified her life to His. Check out these posts Homosexuality: Real Hope and Real Change. Thank you! I hope this helped. God bless! :)

James 4:12 There is only one Lawgiver and Judge, the one who is able to save and destroy. But you—who are you to judge your neighbor?

1 Timothy 1:8-11 We know that the law is good if one uses it properly. We also know that the law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, for the sexually immoral, for those practicing homosexuality, for slave traders and liars and perjurers—and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine that conforms to the gospel concerning the glory of the blessed God, which he entrusted to me.

1 Corinthians 6:9-11 Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

Proverbs 11:2 The LORD Almighty planned it, to bring down her pride in all her splendor and to humble all who are renowned on the earth.

James 4:6 But He gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”

Philippians 2:1-2 So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind.

Philippians Chapter 2 - Imitating Christ’s Humility

By His Grace, Sheela (Via godfirstgodalways)

#godfirstgodalwaysreply #anon ask #homosexuality #lgbqt

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queernuck · 6 years

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Preference: A Postface

After seeing myself mentioned in regard to a genuinely reprehensible course of action, a way of looking at the self and at the relationship of trans women to other women that was being pushed by violent misogynists on reddit and being reappropriated in earnest by certain radical feminists, I feel it necessary to discuss in affirmation, not only for myself but for others, for other trans women, the way in which our experience stands as a sort of becoming-woman, is included in part of how trans women are not mirroring structures of womanhood but in fact, are part of the structuring of “womanhood” as a state within certain relations of producing-production.

One can ask how a fundamental reversal, binary series of recognitions of different sorts, that may present themselves in Derridean terms, recognition as woman versus as man, can fundamentally be the same kind of violent act. However, this requires an essentialism of the body, of the sexed body as productive force, as a singularity of marking, that accepts the structure of gendered exchange in-itself, the sort of turn that many radical feminists themselves make: recognition of a woman as such is different from what is constituted by the supposed recognition of maleness in a trans woman, is a sort of act that implies the masculine as a sort of marker of unilateral privilege rather than one found in assemblage with other structures. The recognition of subjectivity for gay men is a possible means of describing this: the feminine man, the campy image of a certain sort of gay man, a more effeminate and flamboyant idea of a gay man’s subjectivity, is rightfully understood as commanding a certain homophobic response specifically because this subjectivity is coupled with an assumed response, a structured understanding. However, the opposition, the top to the bottom, the “masc” subjectivity, is additionally alienated and moreover is understood in light of a sort of ideal being subverted, a kind of supposition of masculine gay men as entryism or part of a gay domino theory, an insidious trick intended to lure in straight men by implying that gay subjectivity is not defined by a unilateral expression of the gendered body. The commonality of this sort of identity (often described as “butch”) with that of butch women is important and notable, and moreover is marked by the assumption of an absent satisfaction, a kind of desire for the fulfilment of sexual meeting and shared subjectivity with a man that is imagined as “fixing” a butch woman. The violent, sexualized means through which butch women are imagined, the idea of the “tomboy” as a phase or as part of a show put on for masculine desire, as an expression of certain acceptable desires that border on the homoerotic, the expression of a shared libidinal pooling in male spaces and the matching of that to the figuration of a certain sort of woman, is all part of the sexualization of the butch woman, the gendering-act that occurs in order to bring her into accordance with heterosexuality.

The recognition of a trans woman as a man is thus of a similar sort to the recognition of woman as woman, is coupled with the recognition of transness, is a measure of disparity such that one finds the trans woman as a subject of violence, her recognition as trans is not one of privileging except in the most vulgar of analyses, ones that would ultimately turn themselves toward the same violent concept of womanhood. The notion that a man would pretend to be a trans woman in order to rape a woman, to effectively create a situation in which the expectation of sex is placed upon a woman (a situation that indeed represents rape) is ignoring that men have no problem with openly and vocally justifying rape even when it is named as such. Rape is horrifying, except insofar as it is delineated as something other than rape, is considered as justified or excusable, is known under another name. This leads to the series of acts that soften, ignore, excuse rape, the notion that only certain actions, certain overt and delineated and intentional acts are ones of rape. It requires a sort of reversal of certain arguments around rape: the idea that statutory rape, as a specific violence that is found around intentionally cultivated disparities in rape, is insufficient to qualify as rape because the same disparity of age can be found in legal relationships, rather than questioning if the legal relationships at hand too represent rape and the same sort of violence, if a process of grooming is only notable if it is sexualized immediately rather than after a certain constructed passage into adulthood. So, a man pretending to be a trans woman in order to pressure a woman into sex would absolutely be a rapist, as would using the structure of trans womanhood as a means of making one a possible subject of lesbian desire. The aforementioned possibility of rape as realized specifically in disparity, in measures of violent tension, is necessary as a descriptive elaboration upon the rape being forwarded as an acceptable act, being justified, by men of a certain ideological position. However, noting that it is as men, as positioned as-such in a specific already disparate relationship that this position is itself realized is necessary to understand the vast difference between these men and trans women. Rather than acknowledging the complicated subjectivities of trans women, a totalization of trans subjectivity as that of a man accepting the violence he will commit in linking together certain flows of libidinal violence, reactionary notions around trans women cultivate the same sort of ideological positioning as a word like "trap" does, in at once acknowledging violence in an act and ignoring the prevalence with which it is directed against trans women. The act of doubt, the way in which a positioning of the phallus at a measure of remove from trans women that can only be realized in violent response. That there are multiple ways of discussing trans women as subjects, as poised to manipulate and deceive, is unsurprising and moreover is in part resultant from a sort of fascist convergence on trans women as ideological structures. Furthermore, that trans women are focused upon by a certain phallic ideology that positions them as objects of progressive libidinal desire is worth noting if only to speak against a different position regarding trans women. The notion of “genital preference” and the socially constructed sphere of attraction, its contingency and the widely malleable character it takes on, is something that has been noted in order to point out the way that trans women are so often only understood as fetish, as aberration, as part of dehumanizing us. To simplify what trans women seek to sexual satisfaction, to a specifically male concept of libidinal expression, is to simplify the very structures at hand, the incredibly high stakes for trans women involved in any discussion of our womanhood.

The reduction of trans women to genitals, the singular intensity of the imagined trans woman’s phallus, similar to the Lacanian-qua-Butlerian idea of the lesbian phallus (conceptual structures that, for some trans lesbians, intermingle) is part of creating an immediate and visceral repulsion that then sets the tone for further realizations of the body and its potentiality, the possibilities of the body: the denial that relations determined by the phallus are realized through violence by men is able to be spoken, to be placed upon the bodies of trans women, and then again realized once the targeting of trans women for violent action is agreed upon and accepted. It is in this singularity, this act of switching, where trans women are excluded from any possible being described by the structure of womanhood, that converging and vital critiques of becoming-woman as a social process are excluded from realization. It is by sexing the body through a collapse of the body to genitals as a singularity of intensity, genitals turned into an ontological determination beyond all others, through a language that assumes trans women as behaving like these men, as rapists, as having a subjectivity that is determined by a desire to rape rather than the violent and lifelong process of victimization that trans women are faced with, that their subjectivities are refused.

Entering into a structuralist critique of this, using the structural boundaries at hand in order to accept and realize that which is necessarily held in a given position and the binary machines that sustain it, leads to the realization that a great deal of the ideology around trans women is in creating a sort of idea of what trans women are, why they accept becoming-women and what becoming-woman must mean for them, starting from a position where womanhood is not only undesirable, but unthinkable so long as one has a certain sort of sexed body. It begins with the means in which transmisogynist and homophobic ideologies converge from early delineations of “proper” childhood conduct, and continues as the undesirability of trans women is used to mark them as undeserving of life itself. Trans women are categorized as outside of the potential expression of desire, and thus any affirmation of them is simply affirmation of the turn toward fetishization necessary to make trans women temporarily acceptable subjects. It is in collapsing trans women to a single means of recognition that the predominant justification process for transmisogynist violence is affirmed, that trans women are denied the most vital forms of recognition and community, that trans women are left to die. That some trans women discuss themselves in a way that includes undesirability as something suffered, something difficult, is not surprising, as it feeds into the realization of just how deeply fetishized trans women are. However, it does not stand as the primary means through which trans women are realized as alienated subjects, subjects made legible through the dual structures of womanhood and transness.

These men do not care about trans women, they do not care about lesbians, they simply care about justifying their rapist ideologies to themselves through fascist turns of ideology. Adopting this, allowing them to determine what sorts of bodies trans women can have, allowing fascist ideology to determine the demarcations of both bodies and possible-bodies, under the guise of protecting women from rapists, is allowing for structures that harm all women to be constructed and redoubled simply because the harm is more apparent to trans women. The structure discussed is not the personal, singular expression of a relationship to the genitals of others, but rather a structural relationship to the phallic relations of an assumed sexed body that is developed as a projection of the ideology constructed within this language. It makes a meaningful and restorative discussion on the ways in which trans women and lesbians and trans lesbians and all other sorts of women are fetishized impossible because it presents itself most immediately as the singular realization of women as merely constituted by their fetishization.

Emphatically, trans women must affirm that, as a way of discussing larger structures of sexual expression and often-traumatic experience, languages of genital preference are at the very least a passable means of describing one’s own desire and that arguing against an individual experience in this is at best useless and at worst indicative of an entitlement that is found in all sorts of disparate sexual relationships, that is realized as a pressure which indeed expresses itself through rape when realized. The individual is unimportant in this discussion. Rather, discussing it to highlight that the development of a singular focus on genitals is part of how trans women and other women converge in experience, are understood in relation to the ideology of the rapist, of women as subjects approachable through rape, to make more clear that trans women must be affirmed as woman in discussing this commonality, is the primary concern. Discussing this in relation to the gendering of violence, the homophobia that informs and characterizes transmisogyny and the converse statement, the assemblages of violence shared in these subjectivities, is instead where one must concentrate one’s efforts.

#rape///#genitals///#transmisogyny///

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zerogender-onlyswag · 3 years

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Wish people would just stop making the kill all men jokes and jokes about how all men are bad

As a female bodied person, I treat men as a threat automatically in public and online but it’s not because all men are bad, it’s because enough range from either straight up r*pists to having a lack of understanding why certain behaviors are inappropriate that I have to tiptoe around them.

But as a creator I follow so eloquently put it: Toxic masculinity ultimately harms men more that women. The belief that men can only express anger or act stoically has made men buy into repressing their emotions, and it’s not healthy.

By buying into the “all men are trash” rhetoric, we’re feeding the narrative that toxic masculinity describes ALL masculinity and not just elements of it, and it makes men feel bad about themselves for being men and makes male attracted people feel bad for being attracted to men or try to avoid dating them.

A lot of the conversations seem to center around how it makes trans men and bisexual/pansexual women feel. But we should care about cis men, mlm, nblm and straight women too! Just stop pushing the idea that there’s something inherently gross or toxic about being a man period!! Instead, critique the way society teaches men to act and critique the way women are taught to respond! There are toxic elements to femininity rooted in misogyny too!!

Tl;dr jokes about all men being bad are hurting men, cis and trans, as well as anyone attracted to men.

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kabbalicgay · 6 years

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hey ayhan can u answer all the questrions on here im trying to sus you out boi princelymlm tumblr com post /167651440077/gay-ask-game-for-gays-only

This ask is cursed but I so rarely get ask game responses so I’ll do this . All 30 questions are down below :

1. describe your idea of a perfect date

T r i p i n t o a m o r g u e . Okay but honestly ? Fucken uhh stargazing , or a trip to the art gallery , or museum , or whatever . I’m not all that fussed because honestly ? I’m just happy to spend time with a crush / date / significant other and as long as we’re not on our phones the entire time , I’m content .

2. whats your “type”

Men who won’t hurt me lmfao

Okay idk ? I don’t really have a “type” , but arts / literature / theatre gays are greatly appreciated .

3. do you want kids?

Yeah , one day I think .

4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?

Adopt or foster – even if I didn’t have dysphoria , I’ve got a pretty strong belief that there are plenty of kids in government care looking for love and safety and a home , so there’s no real reason for me to have a biological child .

5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been on

I’ve never been out on a date because I’m fundamentally unlovable and a country homosexual :/

6. TW for sexual assault below in this question : describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)

My first time was sexual assault with an adult , so To Be Fair , it could have gone better .

7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?

Night time gay . Mornings are for cuddling and sleepy sex.

8. opinion on nap dates?

Never heard of them but sounds like good shit

9. opinion on brown eyes?

Brown eyes are beautiful and I will be damned if any of y’all forget how wonderful brown eyes are

10. dog gay or cat gay?

D O G G AY

11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles?

Fuck yeah I would

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone

Aggressiveness and anger ? And Bad Politics .

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?

MOGAI tumblr fucked me up pretty bad lmao

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self

You’re not fucking asexual or aromantic and you sure as shit ain’t “homosexual biromantic” – please just fucking love yourself .

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?

I’m still working this out but currently I’m 99% sure I’m a gay homosexual man-person-thing who is suffering from internalised homophobia irt my attraction to women . So no , I have no types

16. who is an ex you regret?

All of them , I have not had a single healthy or loving relationship

17. night club gay or cafe gay?

Cafe – I love dancing and hook-ups but I’m also an autistic with a low tolerance for loud noises

18. who is one person you would “go straight” for

Any woman in fiction because Eowyn and Uhura and Janway aND FUCKIONG TASHA YAR and listen , I want a Klingon woman to raw me :/

19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?

Book gay

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)

Uhhhhhhhhhhh Kirk/Spock , Kirk/McCoy , Kirk/McCoy/Spock – listen I don’t care but just give me my Star Trek gays

21. favourite gay youtuber

I don’t think there’s a single one that doesn’t annoy the living shit out of me lmfao

22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?

Nah , I might crush on straight boys but I’m not That Stupid

23. have you ever been in love?

There is A Boy at my LGBT group who I’m currently in Adoration with , but otherwise ? I’ve had a long history of falling head-over-heels in love with guys

24. have you ever been heartbroken?

Yeah

25. how do you determine if you want to be themor be with someone

My mind will usually tell me lmfao

26. favourite lgb musician/band

The Kinks .

vsachgsdds I’m KIDDING but Pansy Division , Bikini Kill , idk even The Smiths ~~technically~~ . MIKA is the shit and I would die for him , Queen , and that’s it ?? There’s probably plenty more LGB(T) bands I’m forgetting right now

27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gays

If you’re a child or a young teenager and you’re not interested in sex , that doesn’t make you asexual because libido / sexual attraction takes a while to kick in so you’ll probably find out who gets you going at like 16 / 17 because you won’t be a literal child then .

Dysphoria and trans / gender shit can make sexuality super hard to figure out , esp if you’re nonbinary in any way , so like ?? Just experiment with labels because the easiest way of figuring out your sexuality is to just call yourself the thing and work out if it fits . And shit , it may take some tries , and that’s okay . You’re young and this stuff is confusing for adults

You’re not dirty or disgusting or an evil allo or whatever for wanting to fuck boys or wanting to fuck girls . Like , holding hands and feeding each other strawberries is nice and cute and all , but you’re allowed to want to be rawed by someone as well and it isn’t gross or shameful

28. are you out? if so how did you come out

Yeah , and I came out by just telling everyone and being as obnoxiously homosexual as possible

29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have

Trying to explain to my mother that no , me liking boys doesn’t mean I’m straight because I’m not a girl

That or vaguely calling myself “gay” to the pastor at our Anglican church because again , I didn’t want a repeat of above

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality

One day you’re gonna find a family and people who will love and accept you no matter what , and one day , eventually , you will find a home and a safe space where you won’t ever have to fear being yourself wholly and apologetically .

And even if it takes a while for you to find that , know that I love you and I care about you , and I’m proud of you , and you will find people who’re much closer to you who’ll share those same sentiments .

#answered #anonymous #ask games

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afearing · 5 years

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since apparently theres no consequences for delivering unto this website extremely long and good takes i will present to you my hot take on the ace d'escourse, with no sources because I Dont Feel Like It. its more words than is reasonable bc i have been stewing in this for like 4 years and if i dont type it out at some point im going to fucking lose it. no, literally, it’s 3 pages long in word about shit no one cares about anymore. please remember to like and subscribe.

some background on me, i id’d as ace for something like 8 years, from the first time i read the wikipedia page on it back in maybe 2009 or thereabouts. i also id’d as aro for about a year in 2016. that is to say, i have a lot of compassion and understanding for asexual individuals and feel i understand the inclusionist side of the argument pretty well, as i never questioned inclusionism until maybe 2014 or so, when the discourse blew up. i took some time off tumblr because i was so fucking distraught to think that, as i id’d as aroace at the time, that i had to come to terms with not being lgbt. lol i was a little too attached to being ‘gay’ because... fun fact, past dumbass self... you are gay. anyway, i really dont want anyone to feel that i hate them, but after i cooled off a little bit i realized that the exclusionist take on asexuality just makes more sense. hopefully i can explain why clearly enough.

i really believe that what is understood as aphobia is 100% of the time simply a manifestation of our culture’s expectations surrounding sexuality. while “expectations surrounding sexuality” as a very broad topic does indeed cover both the lgbt community and people on the ace spectrum, facing these issues does NOT make a person lgbt. i subscribe to the idea that lgbt is for people targeted directly by homophobia and transphobia. ace issues ARE super important to talk about and the whole inclus/exclus nonsense is entirely because this discourse has been put under the wrong category. im aware that probably most people will not care that much about my opinion on the correct framing of asexual activism as i no longer id as ace but i think this is important for everyone. sexual expectations also weigh on straight individuals, especially women, and i’m going to describe a few examples to try to demonstrate why i believe both that it doesn’t make sense to consider asexuality lgbt as well as why it does make sense to frame it as an issue based mainly in misogyny.

call out post for myself, i use reddit, and i think the r/childfree community is a good example of what i think the framing should be like. although it’s acknowledged that not wanting children has larger social consequences for women, both men and women talk about their issues in the forum, including horrific accounts of reproductive coercion and rape, the intersections with race/being lgbt/ageism (although they could do a LOT better with intersectionality, many posters do touch upon it), profoundly cruel comments made by those who have/want children, difficulty finding an understanding relationship partner, discrimination at work, misunderstandings and even hatred from family and acquaintances, discrimination in healthcare, etc.

i think you can tell where i’m going with this. even though being childfree cuts against the expectations for sexuality in most societies, even though it leads to unfair judgment from others, and even though they face discrimination on the basis of the way they express their sexuality, childfree people do NOT frame parenthood/childfreedom as an axis of oppression, nor do they claim that their lack of desire for children makes them lgbt. it’s not even a question if straight childfree people are straight, because duh? nor if the presence of lgbt childfree people makes the whole community fall under the lgbt umbrella, because it obviously doesn’t.

to drive the point home, the reason why this is NOT an axis of oppression is because parents face a ton of issues as well! they also face reproductive coercion as well as judgment over the number of kids they have, constant scrutiny and moralization over every aspect of their parenthood style, judgment based on parents’ age/wealth/sexuality/marital or dating status/race, housing and employment discrimination, especially for mothers, the government hating poor parents and cutting their benefits, and more i’m sure i’m not thinking of. again, this is due to societal expectations of sexuality. to complete the analogy, people who aren’t ace face their own set of challenges and discrimination. part of homophobia/biphobia is tinged with hatred of our sexual attraction; no one except for straight white men is allowed to really express their sexuality without backlash, and even then there is this shame leading to a lack of proper sex ed and horribly unhealthy understandings of sexual attraction in a large portion of the populace. so calling aphobia an axis of oppression is just not right. and in addition, the large proportion of lgbt aces doesn’t make asexuality lgbt, that’s not how groups work.

some more on what i mean by ‘expectations around sexuality’... in terms of my experience in the US, there is some blueprint in many people’s minds of what a person should be like in terms of sexuality, and that is something like “cishet, abled man, who is neither ace nor aro, who gets laid regularly (but not to excess) starting no later than 18 and ending no later than 28 when he settles down with one cishet abled wife, also neither ace nor aro, who has only had sex with up to three committed boyfriends, and they have precisely two children, approximately two years apart in age, whom the parents can financially and emotionally support to the utmost, because they are also moderately to very well off, and the parents work under traditional gender roles to raise their children as conventionally as possible.” and if you deviate from this script in ANY way that’s viewed with moral panic and scrutiny by someone. and the connection to misogyny is that women are seen as sort of the bastions of sexual morality. we are punished especially harshly for nonconformity.

if you’re poor you’re fucked because either you don’t have kids or you can’t send them off to private schools and feed them fancy organic shit. if you’re lgbt or polyamorous or aro or ace? fucked! if you dare to reproduce as a disabled person, and if your disability impacts your parenthood, especially for women, you’re practically crucified even in liberal circles. if you have too few kids or too many (don’t you know only kids turn out weird? / how can you possibly raise 5 children properly?), if you have too much sex or too little, if you split up the work in your relationship not along gender lines, if you do unconventional things in your parenthood, like accept your trans kids or move a lot or any number of other things, the social judgment rains down like the fires of fucking hell. meaning practically no one can escape it!! huge bonus to the screaming crowd with pitchforks if you’re a person of color or a woman, mega ultra bonus to women of color.

but does that make everyone i just talked about lgbt? no! although every single one of the groups i mentioned is tangentially related through this issue, even though all of them face a lot of horrible problems and discrimination, that does not make those issues inherently lgbt. again, they are tangentially related and i could see a good case for solidarity among many of the groups mentioned; all of them are fighting for greater acceptance of different kinds of relationships, greater acceptance of seeking happiness and being who you are rather than pressuring everyone to conform as much as possible to the LifeScript. but all of those groups are equally related to the lgbt community - that is, tangentially only. just as you can be childfree and straight, a stay-at-home dad and straight, a straight woman of color, so too can you be polyamorous and straight, ace and straight, or aro and straight.

that’s it for my main point. ace and aro people? your lives are hard. i’m not going to downplay it in any way because i know there are a lot of people who actually hate your guts. fuck, i’ve seen people full-on shittalk asexuality, in the internet and real life, in the most blatant of ways, so it’s not just something you can necessarily escape by logging off. not as much so for aro people tbh but i predict as much once the Public gets more wind of your existence. i fully believe that you face a higher risk of sexual assault; discrimination in relationships, housing, and the workplace; horrible comments from everyone who thinks their shitty opinion on your sexuality and love life matters; and I believe you that that hurts and is terrible and that you deserve a place to discuss and provide support.

but. those issues are not exclusive to you. they’re not exclusive to lgbt people, or oppressed people, and so those issues don’t and cannot make you lgbt, nor do they make ace/aro vs. allo an axis of oppression. our communities intersect, yes, considerably, but you are not a subset of lgbt. perhaps our rhetoric can help you, but because straight ace and aro people exist you cannot and should not consider yourselves lgb+. i think you understand that the issues you face are a form of oppression, but they are the result of the toxic and misogynistic sex culture in this society, which, yes, targets lgbt people but also, practically everyone, including groups which are definitively absolutely not inherently lgbt, such as parents, gnc straight people, poc, disabled people, the list goes on.

to conclude, what really converted me to being an ace exclusionist was the example of a straight grey or demi ace. how could you possibly argue that someone who falls in love with the opposite gender only, but with more conditions or less frequently than someone not aspec, is lgb+, can call themselves queer, etc.? exactly what material reality does that person share with a gay or bi person? i think that their issues fall in line with aspec community issues but extremely clearly not at all with lgbt ones.

the end but post script since i brought up orientation modifiers: perhaps it isn’t my place to say, but i don’t think that microlabels are very healthy and that it would make more sense for the ace community to work on expanding the idea of what sexuality is than to try to create a label to describe every single person’s experience of their sexuality. not that i think you should necessarily kick grey ace people out of the aspec community or that they’re not valid or whatever, but that perhaps it makes more sense to say that some people experience sexual attraction less frequently, and that’s alright. i don’t know. i spent sophomore year of high school poring over those mogai blogs looking for some new orientation label that would make me go like, oh my god that’s me! and believing that if those labels helped people feel that way they weren’t doing any harm. but what actually finally made me feel like that was expanding my understanding of what attraction is and a better conception of lesbian issues and why i might feel so disconnected from my sexuality and why i might be obsessing over every interaction with a guy looking for signs i was attracted to him but feel super disgusted whenever they exhibited interest in me. i spent so long trying to go like maybe im cupioromantic lithsexual and feeling terrified that that i had such a weird and esoteric sexuality that no one could ever possibly understand enough to be in a relationship with me... like, ok dyke! i know a lot of people have had similar experiences and i don’t think i know a whole ton of people now in college who are still doing that, which makes me think those labels are more harmful than not.

i guess that’s anecdotal but it’s easier for me to believe that a person could cling to those labels due to internalized homophobia than actually have a new form of sexuality heretofore undiscovered throughout all human history, but that’s just me. and so many of them just sound so unhealthy, like dreadsexual. i really wish people would work on expanding what not being asexual can mean and look like and i dont think there would be this drive to create these labels anymore. even demisexual which i think is probably the most mainstream conditional orientation, i think many people who have never heard of it and are perfectly content not to would describe the way they experience sexuality a similar way and just consider it normal. sexual attraction isn’t necessarily having your nethers set aflame upon first making eye contact with someone, it looks different for every person and it’s alright to just be how you are without making it part of your whole identity.

The End II. this is 2,200 words. if you read this far you’re a fucking mad l- *the academy cuts my mic line while looking directly at the camera like in the office*

#text post

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